#i mean it says hes a vampire but apparently people contest that as a joke and hes a dhamp. regardless. cool source of inflict wounds.

[prismbearer]

Got attached to the random vampire (dhampir?) bartender at the Defender's Heart.

[prose-for-hire]

Btvs Headcanons:

Hc: You work in a store they frequent, meet them that way, and feelings develop. How each character would show you that they care about you/ask you on a date after getting to know them. 

Edited to include Oz. [Jenny Calendar hc is separate here ]

Warning: one small mention of sex. and in one hc the store is a butchers

I thought this would be fun, maybe a little different than my usual. You can request some people that aren’t on here if you like. Or a different job or scenario where you would meet them.💜

Spike:

- you work at a 24 hour store, he comes in at weird times of the night

- You catch Spike stealing and take pity on him, letting it slide (he looks a bit gaunt, maybe he’s not eating properly)

- There’s no cameras the place you work is crappy so you maintain eye contact and just nod at him, allowing him to take whatever it is he’s concealed under his leather duster

- He’d start to come in and either blatantly steal so you would catch him and talk to him or buy lots of stuff he didn’t need with money he had ‘borrowed’ from one of the scoobies

- He talks a lot and appears to be trying to impress you, it makes you smile

- But also he’s very attentive to you and asks you things about yourself, wanting to learn everything he can

- He starts waiting for you, watching through the glass, going through whole packs of cigarettes making sure you’re okay and no customers are being nasty

- He will come in and threaten to drain them dry if they say one more horrible thing to you, it’s happened twice

- He follows you home before eventually offering to walk with you

- He’ll probably bottle all of his feelings up for a long time, professing his love in a very heartfelt speech and crashing his lips to yours before actually asking you on a date

Angel:

(I’m so sorry if you don’t eat meat)

- You work at the butchers and Angel used to come in all the time really early before the sun rose

- You were embarrassed such an attractive man saw you in your overalls smelling of raw meat

- Too embarrassed to ask yourself why he wanted so much animal blood

- You soon had his regular order ready and waiting for him, he always seemed to be in a rush. This meant there was a little time for you to talk because he already had his order

- You instigated, asking him lots of questions with you getting one word answers (you think he’s not interested and stop)

- But he’s just trying to keep his distance, he knows what happens when he gets too involved. Things seem to go wrong

- He eventually bumps into you after work one evening, not able to stay away completely

- You work long hours so he’s trying to make sure you’re getting home okay by hanging back in the shadows

- Eventually starts to offer to walk you and you happily agree, chatting nonstop about the delivery or what you were taught that day about slicing into something

- He enjoys just hearing you talk, not able to help smiling at the way you animatedly recount your day to him, eventually one day he’ll offer for you to visit his place making a date out of it

Xander:

- you probably work with him, one of the many jobs he took on after high school

- you both work at a pizza place, he delivers you make the orders

- he acts really weird around you at first, dropping things and stumbling over his words when he speaks to you

- he cracks some childish jokes but you laugh along with him, finding him sweet

- he grins wide when you start to joke back, pulling funny faces behind the manager’s back when it’s turned

- He’ll be thinking of asking you on a date for a really long time, probably since he first met you

- He’s nervous and he doesn’t want you laughing in his face, he probably doesn’t think he has a shot with someone as great as you

- But he just rushes out and says it one night when you’re both grabbing your jackets to leave

- You smile, scan his face to check he’s joking, then nod and say you’d love to

- You go to the Bronze, have a contest to see who can catch the most peanuts in your mouth (if you’re allergic, it’s some other competition, maybe who can finish their drink the fastest)

- He might let you win and then just lean straight in and kiss you when you celebrate

Buffy:

- Buffy comes into the late night store you work at for gum or snacks (something she can carry while she patrols) she recognises you as her regular cashier after a few months.

- I feel like she has a lot on her plate, forgive her for not noticing you straight away

- She’s probs trying to get over someone atm or struggling to trust after her last relationship

- You’re extra friendly with her and she realises after talking it over with Willow that you were actually flirting

- Realises the brief interaction she gets with you makes her feel happy. Real happy and she doesn’t have to be responsible for anyone but herself when she’s chatting away with you

- Starts to ask you questions about yourself enjoying your company. Every time without fail she asks when you get off work, she’s concerned you’re always walking home in the dark

- starts to loop back past your store when she’s on patrol, pretending she was still in the area when you got off

- offering to walk you home a lot, accidentally dropping a pile of weapons once and having to pretend she was doing a woodworking class

- she eventually asks you on a date, encouraged by her friends to make the first move, and you’ll go to the Bronze, dancing and laughing the whole time

Faith:

- you work at the convenience store near the Mayor’s office

- She comes in on her way back to her crappy motel

- she feels a bit conflicted about sneaking around behind Buffy’s back but your bright smile to greet her almost makes her forget

- you caught her eye pretty much the first time she saw you waiting by the register

- she usually asks for some smokes and started to offer to share one with you on your break

- if you smoke, you say yes, if you don’t you say you’ll still come outside with her on your break to keep her company

- you’ll mostly talk with her chipping in at first and then she finds out how good it is to vent to someone

- your break’s over but you tell her you don’t want her to be on her own struggling through her thoughts

- you ask if she can wait, but she doesn’t really do waiting around

- she does give you the address to the motel she’s staying at though and she’ll smoke every hour until she sees you walking

- this is your first date, the one you count as your first date anyway

- you spend the whole night talking, sometimes even laughing. You make her feel like a person, not just a Slayer

Cordy:

- you work at the mall. Specifically a boutique or somewhere Cordy regularly visits

- she’s kind to you but a bit abrupt if you start talking about anything that isn’t a sale

- her dad no longer has any money and she’s a struggling actress after hs and you overhear her phone conversation about how hard everything is

- she wants this pretty dress that you know she’d look beautiful in

- you offer her your employee discount, telling her to keep it quiet

- after that, she specifically requests you and after her fifth visit realises she has been coming and looking forward to seeing you more than the dresses

- this means she’s in deep

- she won’t beat around the bush, she’ll ask you if you won’t ask her

- “Bronze. 8pm” with a little wink, hauling her shopping bags with her before leaving

- You have a great time and you meet up again she does little fashion shows for you before you go out, liking your eye for fashion and asks you to help her choose outfits for your dates

- She’ll want to go public places for dates to show off your relationship

Giles:

- Book store (obviously)

- You’re the most knowledgeable about his particular interest (cough, demons, cough) and he is attracted straight away to your apparent intelligence

- You already know about demons and everything, having studied it extensively as well as running into a vampire late one night and managing to get away unscathed

- He marvelled at this and you tell it so casually, explaining that you just did what the books told you and put it in practice

- He’s lonely really, always hanging around people a lot younger that don’t take him as seriously as he takes himself, but you do

- You think he’s fun to be around, he probably doesn’t wait too long, asking you for a drink the first or second time he meets you.

- He knows life’s too short, especially in Sunnydale

- You appreciate his dry humour and the way he isn’t just bookish, he has a lot of really great qualities

- You haven’t seen him as Ripper, but you know it’s there. He’s open with you and he’ll tell you about his past. He believes in trust

- You go on a lot of dates after that first drink, you even get introduced to the Scoobies and become a kind of parent figure too

Riley Finn:

- you bag his groceries at the supermarket.

- He’s always polite, makes you feel like a human being not just somebody serving him

- Always chats about the weather or something generic that won’t compromise his job, but he likes talking to you

- He occasionally makes a comment to make you smile because seeing your real smile, not the one you put on for customers, is so much sweeter

- He’ll probably come in regularly, same time, same day every week for his shopping now (bc you’re there)

- Bumps into you accidentally while you’re stocking a shelf and helps you pick everything up, smiling at the way you get a little flustered, insisting it was his fault not yours

- He’ll probably ask you if you’ve ever heard of the Bronze, which of course you have because that’s the only half-decent place in town

- Says he’d really like to see you there, like maybe tonight, so you go and have a really great time

- He says he doesn’t want to wait to see you again, but he’s very respectful will probably give you his number so that you can call him first and you don’t feel pressured into a second date or anything

Willow:

- You work at a magic shop

- you help her find the ingredients to a spell she’s been itching to try and give her little tips

- She really likes that you know lots about magic and what ingredient you could swap out for a better result

- You’ll grow close, she’ll pop in and tell you how well/badly the latest spells went

- She’ll tell stories in her characteristic way and you’ll smile at how cute she is and her fun vocabulary you’ll find yourself picking up

- You’ll offer to meet her and help her out with some spells

- She’ll bounce off the walls in excitement

- Probably spend the whole day making sure her dorm room is ‘just right’ for you to see and that she’s made sure about ten times that Buffy is definitely going to be out

- You’ll do the spell, it’ll be a big success because working together shows you that you have this amazing connection

- Then you’ll be talking and sharing loads for hours

- She’ll take you to the Bronze if it’s not too late, if it’s too late she’ll ask what you’re doing at the weekend and invite you then

Tara:

- Also at a magic shop. Probably specifically the Magic Box, after Giles takes it on

- You’re a Scooby and Tara’s moved to Sunnydale for college. She wanted to check out the magic box straight away

- You catch each other’s eye and she looks a little shy

- Starts to stutter when you make conversation, but you’re patient with her, giving her time to finish her words that have become jumbled in your presence.

- She asks for help with finding something only when she absolutely has to, but you’re always kind with her when she does and she smiles so bright when she finds what she’s looking for, scrunching her mouth to the side a little when she looks back at you

- You start to recommend places in Sunnydale for her to check out, trying to gauge if she would be into you or not. You eventually offer to take her and show her around and she nods excitedly

- You both have a really great time and she makes you feel special. She talks a lot more now she’s comfortable with you

- you suggest you could try some magic together, only if she wanted

- She does, you meet up a lot and you date and magically create a cat to own together

- You both have a long, happy life together 

Anya:

- You work in the magic box with her. I feel like you both didn’t get on at first

- you didn’t understand her and she felt misunderstood, making her snappy and blunt with you

- eventually, you started to understand she needed a bit of time and you explained yourself more. Why you were doing things, being patient with her and fully giving her everything you could to help her understand the reasoning

- she really appreciated it, nobody ever did this for her without some level of teasing

- she explains about being an ex-vengeance demon. You can’t say you’re shocked (you live in Sunnydale and work in the magic box)

- you were patient with her and she quickly asked if you could start having sex trying to plan out your relationship

- you told her you would rather get to know her first, especially considering you worked together (leading to a chat about workplace relationships going wrong, which leads to an anecdote about her knowing this because of her vengeance days)

- but the feelings were undeniable and you started dating very quickly

- she’ll probably start dropping hints about marriage or the equivalent very soon too

Oz

- you work at a record store.

- He comes in pretty regularly, but he doesn’t really say much

- Not until you notice a record he’s holding and start to gush about it

- Your manager told you to talk to customers and encourage them to buy more, but this wasn’t that. And he could tell

- He loved your enthusiasm and he wanted to get to know you

- You caught his eye probably one of the first times he saw you working behind the counter, humming to a song which happened to be one of his favourites

- He just knew then that he wanted to date you

- whispering, “who are they?” but to himself because he always come into the store alone (he wants the experience, just him and the music… and maybe a glance or two at you)

-  He might bring some fliers in one day, asking if the store will put them up, advertising Dingoes’ latest gig

- He’ll say you could come, if you want, with a characteristic shrug

- And you’ll obviously say yes and he likes how excitable you are, you contrast with his chill vibe

-  And you go and have a great time

- then you talk after, telling him how cool his band is

- You’ll hit it off, finding his phrasing and humour endearing. He’ll gift you a guitar pick from your first sort of date. He’s a romantic

- You’ll mostly come to wherever he’s playing and have a date after

-  he’s very sweet, very caring. Always offers to take you somewhere else for a date but you insist on supporting him and getting a drink after

- won’t be much of a talker, but you will always feel loved by him 

[evak-fic-rec-turtleanon]

Evak Fics - Enemies to Lovers

Enemies to lovers, Enemies to friends to lovers. Hate/angry. Smut and no smut. And WIPs. Under a read more:

********** SMUT **********

The lie I didn't have to tell. by verlore_poplap (orphan_account) (925 words) - Isak has an adultery kink that Even is happy to oblige. 

Chapter 2 of Smutty Tumblr Prompts and Drabbles by isaksforelsket (2k words - It’s not that Even hated Isak Valtersen; he just strongly disliked him and his face, his attitude, his personality, and… okay so maybe he does hate him. Whatever. 

I'm all yours by Skamtrash (2.7k words) - hate/jealous. - bad boy even+ rough sex. 

Blood Rushed by folerdetdufoler (3.6k words) - Linn moved out of their flat a couple of months ago, and Isak and Eskild have been looking for someone to replace her. They were running out of money and options, so Eskild made a decision for the both of them. Isak was not happy when Even showed up in his hallway with five suitcases and his own key. 

a little something (to make me sweeter) by verlore_poplap (orphan_account) (4.5k words) - I wouldn't call it a feud exactly," Isak says and tries not to shift uncomfortably in his seat. It's one of his obvious tells and one that Sana has been trying to train him out of for quite some time. 

lucky strike by Skamtrash (5.5k words) - Isak has hated Even the first day he met him on campus. And apparently Even is the new kid his friends are obsessed with.

New Perceptions by Skamtrash (9k words) - Isak hates frat boys. Even is in a frat and wants Isak. 

A Thin Line Between Hate and… Other Stuff by TheFilthWithin (Flatfootmonster) (14k words) - Isak is studying while working at a coffee shop. His life is Ok... ish. Filled with lies, mocchiato's, and hook ups, fate storms in and lends a hand in the shape of Mr Spielberg, AKA film director Even. 

I call'em as I see'em...But Sometimes I Don't See So Well by HazyCosmicJive (16k words) - Isak just wants to study, he doesn't want a new roommate who walks around naked all the time and constantly tests his patience 

take my hand, take my whole life too by shadesofcool (16k words) - "Isak Valtersen?" Even snorts, shaking his head. "He's the most arrogant asshole I've ever met." 

Hail Mary Pass by thekardemomme (20k words) - the term hail mary pass has become generalized to refer to any last-ditch effort with little chance of success. sleeping with isak valtersen until time starts running out is what causes even to realize just how vital these passes can be. 

I Can't Fall In Love With Him, Stop Me From Falling by bashfulisak (25k words) - Prince Isak of Norway is set to be married to Princess Eva in three weeks time, with the proposal happening only days after the announcement. When Princess Eva and her family arrive with their gardener, Even, Isak can barely stand him strutting around his palace, getting in the way of the gardening work his friend Jonas has already done. 

Not in the stars to hold our destiny by Stria (Asia117) (30k words) - “What the fuck,” Even murmurs, and Isak almost wants to mock him, but he refrains. He’s not 16 anymore. “Everything okay, Isak?” “Peachy.” Isak doesn’t look at him. “Go find someone else to talk to.” 

An Officer And A Gentleman by Jamz24 (34k words) - Isak Valtersen and Even Bech Naesheim are the two best cadets at Oslo Military Academy - but they hate each other's guts. When they're stranded together in a snowy wilderness they have to work together to survive - but CAN they? 

what i like about you by cammm (44k words) - might be mild smut. Insane infatuations turns into a short lived mutual distaste. Until that mutual distaste quickly shifts into something more. 

For His Love to Flee by wyoheartsmusic (48k words) - in a world where vampires hide, two lost souls find each other. 

Masquerade by Sabeley (53k words) - Isak and Even were best friends before one botched mission tore them apart. When they are assigned to go undercover as newlyweds at an oceanside resort where couples are going missing, can they put their differences aside for long enough to solve the case?

Red roses & cotton candy by dantetrieswriting (56k words) - A rose. He gave Isak a fucking red rose. Doesn't matter, Isak was still not interested. Or at least that's what he kept telling himself. 

Legitimate Expectations by champagneleftie (57k words) - might be mild smut. It's a good time to be Isak Valtersen. The up-and-coming Norwegian authority on matters of freedom of press, several Supreme Court wins already on his resume - and still barely thirty. He's carved out a place in the world that he never thought he'd reach, but sometimes that place just feels a little too small and rigid. Enter Even.

mørketid by panshambles (61k words) -  DELETED

717 Miles by MermaidsandMermen (SophiaSoames) (114k words) - Isak Valtersen has 3 weeks left of school. He has to survive 3 more weeks. Make it through 21 more days of hell. Then he is going to hide out in his room for the rest of the summer until he can figure out how to get his life back on track. Find a school far far away where he can start over. Not make mistakes. He doesn't need a fucking babysitter. He just doesn't. His life is fucked up enough as it is.

The trip to you by charlyflowers (148k words) - Isak hates Even. He hates him with all his heart. What a pity the art class is also coming to the trip to Germany.

Checking From Behind by DickAnderton (156k words) - Isak is to captain his hockey team this season which means he has to somehow learn to cooperate with the newest addition to their team: Even Bech Næsheim. This proofs to be impossible, especially when nothing about Even's mysterious transfer adds up and his moods are just too frustrating. 

(WIP - Smut)

Magic Eight Ball by folerdetdufoler (22k words) - first update in Aug 2019. His cubicle is in the bullpen, but at the edge, across from the offices along one wall. When the Chief makes his announcements Isak stands near the middle, leaning against someone else's cube, reading emails on his phone instead of paying attention. This time, though, the Chief is introducing some new hires to the office: a sports editor, a city editor, and a marketing head. When Isak looks up to finally acknowledge the new team members, he gets a good look at the guy who is going to make his life a living hell. 

.. to the next universe. by xoxoxo333 (27k words) - last update Sept 2019. Isak thinks Even is just a stupid bad boy until they meet more often and each of them tells the other more about his life, his secrets and fears. 

The Naked Cleaner by MermaidsandMermen (SophiaSoames) (38k words) - last update July 2019. It’s always been a thing, the gag joke gift Isak’s so called friends present him with on his birthday. Not that people care much about birthdays these days, all of them being all grown up and sensible and mature and…. Adult. Isak hates that word. The not so Adult story of when Isak get's a cleaner. 

I Want To Love You But I Don't Know How by Skamzombie (41k words) - 11/12 chapters posted. Isak and Even do not get along. In fact they hate each other. But when Even finds dirt on Isak, well it is almost too good to not use it to his advantage. And then somehow Isak finds himself in the drama club...with Even where drama is definitely promised.  

put me in a movie by Evenbechbaesheim (42k words) - last update Jan 2018. Isak wants to be an actor, Even wants to be a director and they don’t quite get it right the first few times, but , like any good NRK drama- they can’t keep away from each other for very long. A story told through the months of the year. 

If You Don't Love Me, Don't Tell Me by orphan_account (44k words) - 4/5 chapters posted. Even's two sided personality is what drives Isak's hatred towards him. An asshole frat boy at night while he parties, then a top student by day who charms everyone with his bright smile. Except, Isak doesn't believe that Even has any good intentions. 

If You Love Me, If You Hate Me by MacksDramaticShenanigans (44k words) - last update March 2018. Isak could be chill. He was the chillest. He was a mature, reasonable adult that was perfectly capable of controlling his emotions. Not even Even could ruin that. 

take me to the stars by iriswests (230k words) - last update Aug 2017. Isak thinks Even is pretentious and impractical. Even thinks Isak is arrogant and uptight. They’re not each other’s biggest fans, even if they do happen to have spectacular sex on a very, very drunken night. And Isak doesn’t mean to do it again, but he does, anyway, so now they’re establishing ground rules and deciding that maybe they can keep doing this, no strings attached, no commitments, no feelings, and, most importantly, no need to stop disliking each other. And then it’s not quite that simple anymore. 

********** MILD or NO SMUT **********

Waking Up with Your Enemy by evak1isak (1.6k words) - Isak can't remember what he did last night, but he's woken up with a hangover, in his underwear and in the bed of the boy he loathes the most: Even Bech Næsheim. 

black hearted angels sunk me (with kisses on my mouth) by traumatic (1.8k words) - A costume contest goes horribly, horribly right. 

When I Kiss Your Soul by jinglebin  (2.5k words) - Even's soulmate wasn't who he had expected or hoped it would be. 

I like my sugar with coffee and cream by imminentinertia (4k words) - 5 times Even buys a coffee +1 time Isak buys a shirt. 

Handcuff Your Way To My Heart by sugarbeat24 (4.3k words) - Isak and Even work at Buzzfeed and are roped into doing a video together. Lots of "oh my gods" and eyerolls ensue. 

How Gay Culture Liberated the Modern World by panshambles (6k words) -  DELETED

I'm Stuck on You by Twinklylightseverywhere (6k words) - Jonas lets out another nervous laugh. Isak wishes his best friend would shut up. “You two will take the spare room. Uh… with one bed.” “ONE BED?” Isak and Even both shout at the exact same time. “Merry Christmas!” 

Hjerterum by littlemovie (Lejla) (6.3k words) - Isak cleared his throat. “Hi,” he tried again looking at who, he gathered, was the ever-elusive third roommate. Even walked to the fridge, keeping his eyes glued to his feet. He took two cans of coke from his shelve and a bag of chips from the counter before making his way down to the basement again, shutting the door behind him. Isak huffed out a breath. “Well, that’s rude,” he mumbled to himself.

thought i had you in the palm of my hand that night by hippopotamus (6.6k words) - They're roommates, and they don't get on at all. Until they do, at which point Even decides to develop a useless crush. 

you call me lavender, you call me sunshine by aestheticzjm (8.4k words) - the one in which isak is forced to look over a friend's tattoo parlor and even works at the flower shop across the street. 

Good Roast by lovelycarcass  (9k words) - Even is a rising filmmaker and Isak is a cynical, sharp-tongued film critic. 

Is This What You Wanted? by cuteandtwisted (10k words) - Isak is filthy rich and Even is a hardworking male model who just got signed to his father's agency. Even gets an awful offer from Isak: one night with him in exchange for money, and begins to despise him. 

in the morning you'll dance with all the headache by bluesterek (19k words) - “Why do you hate me? Is it still about that kiss in first grade?” “You kissed my crush in front of me, Even.” “Yeah well, sorry about that, but that was like a century ago. Besides, you don’t even like girls.” “Excuse me, what?” 

en passant by peachbombs (21k words) - The first time Isak and Even had gone up against each other at a competition, the judges had declared a tie. Newspapers covered the occurrence as an unusual feat—it was a debate competition; one side had to win over another. That was the whole point. But it kept happening. Candy jar au. 

i didn't mean to kiss you (you didn't mean to fall in love) by shadesofcool (24k words) - football/cheerleader au with not much football and cheerleading because i only know the basics 

Dear Friend by bri_ness (26k words) - Isak and Even work together in a failing video store, and they cannot stand each other. Isak and Even both signed up for the Love Letters dating service, and they’re both falling for their anonymous pen pal. She Loves Me AU 

through these dark days by hippopotamus (29k words) - This is the world Isak lives in, half dead, half empty, half wild. A makeshift camp in a dying forest with twe- eleven other people, salvaging anything they can to make it easier, hunting any animal they can find to make it survivable. 

hearts a mess by slvtherxn (31k words) - Jonas takes the new kid at school under his wing, and everyone instantly loves him... everyone but Isak. He’s cool, and older, and funny, but whenever he talks, Isak gets the weirdest nauseating feeling in his stomach. He thinks he might hate him. 

Come On, Set the Tone by boxesofflowers, Eeyoreneedsahug (57k words) - Isak is a recently out popstar who wants to prove that he is not just another pretty face in pop music. Even is a self contained, indie singer songwriter who takes shit from nobody. Shortly after a public feud between the two begins, they’re forced together for a nationwide tour. 

Blood vs. Water by bri_ness (100k words) - Survivor au. Isak and Even become become rivals very early on and they constantly mess with each other. 

You Don't Even Know Me! by cuteandtwisted  (101k words) - "Let's keep our daddy issues out of work," said Even. "Excuse me?!" The one in which Isak and Even are interns who got off the wrong foot and don't like each other at all (except that they do). 

(WIP - No smut)

I hate that I want you by daisysmalia (17k words) - last update Jan 2017. Isak hates Even. He hates him so much that he even wrote a list. A list of everything to hate about the idiot. From his stupid smile to his windswept hair. From his random flirting with everyone to the fact he knows his name. To that feeling Isak gets when Even is around. 

i hate your face, it makes my heart skip a beat by Bellakitse (20k words) - last update Sept 2017. Isak is failing History and his friends have the great idea that their new friend Even should tutor him. It's perfect except Isak doesn't like Even or the way his stupid face makes his stomach flip. 

helium hearts (we're on fire) by itjustkindahappened (27k words) - last update May 2019. 10 Things I Hate About You!AU. Eva enrolls at Hartvig Nissens VGS in Oslo and falls headfirst for the popular and pretty Vilde Lien. Vilde, however, is not allowed to date until Isak—her sarcastic, misantropic introvert of a step brother—does. Together with her new group of friends, Eva comes up with a plan to set Isak up with the school's rumor-ridden bad boy Even Bech Næsheim so she can take her crush out.

we are made up of love and hate by everythingislove (straykid), puddingandpie (42k words) - last update July 2018. the one where Isak joins his best friends on their first North American tour and definitely does not fall for Even Bech Næsheim, their infuriating(ly handsome) opening act. 

a careful hypothesis of the heart by StMisery (87k words) - 12/13 chapters posted. "The boss' fucking son got the job. Out of a pool of dedicated applicants. You can't just deny nepotism like that," he said. "I'm Isak, by the way. I didn't catch your name?" Leaning against the metal banister in the elevator, the other man was the picture of calm. "I'm the boss' fucking son," he said. 

[chococustard]

Hi.. just out of curiosity, do you have favorite fanfic or fic rec for bnha?

first time putting this together my chrome closed and killed all of it=‘D

they’re mostly one shots since on going ones, cause of my shitty memory i can’t remember most of them otl

they’re under the cut and separated into categories//shot sorry i can’t word well;;; enjoy//shot

—- GENERAL (mostly)/ OTHERS —–

you’re a good man midoriya hizashi - deku’s dad is a lawyer and a nerd

no happy endings, just beginnings - eri getting used to civilian live and it’s the cutest fucking thing

nya means i love you in cat - IICHAKO DATE IICHAKO DATE IICHAKO DATE

sleepless - todo sleeps everywhere. that’s it

see me and you’ll know you’re sleeping - baku and todo talks at 3 am

iida tenya is best mom - that’s also it

send endeavor to the shadow realm - a whole series of roasting flaming cheeto man. also deku’s a fucking savage god bless

perfect timing  -  present mic and aizawa visits tensei at the hospital ft fuyusei. part of the author’s 12 days of christmas set, all of it is cute

a riddle to guess if you can - all might has a few words for the new number one hero

heroes’ day off - domestic shit ft tododeku, kiribaku, momojirou and tsuocha

bakugou is human - ft kiribaku

fallen heroes - villain!class 1A and others

looking glass - kidnapped and forced to join the villains as a child, deku got caught by the heroes during the usj attack, and joins their side instead

little, and broken, but still good - momo protection squad

pressure points - todoroki shoto finally became a child at 15

—- TODODEKU —-

lazy day - soft

(all I knew this morning when I woke is) green eyes and freckles and your smile - sleepy. kisses.

count your blessings, not your flaws - deku’s used to getting asked out by people as a joke. the one time it’s not, he laughed

sickeningly sweet - omegaverse au where todo is possesive and deku’s a little shit and i love him?? also  like, no relation, here ojiro’s the dominant alpha of the class and he’s just. so done. i love it

heroes, love and soulmates - what you write on your skin appear on your soulmate’s, also. soft. so soft.

conventional taste - deku won an essay contest and took todo to hero con. as cute as the tododeku stuff was i also like it just as a general fic, like, the con stuff in there i just can’t help but “i feel u”//shot and the uh, the other parts also hits to the heart

cold hands, warm heart - todo likes deku’s hands

reunion - apparently middle school reunions are a thing ft baku being not shit

sweater weather - this. just. this whole thing. i have diabetes from this

get me waken up, shaken up, tangled up - omegaverse au where todo and deku just date and it’s cute

bonded - omegaverse au drame™ also like the only omegaverse fic with all my ship as far as i know thank u op

your biggest fan - ….they buy each other’s merch- im dying, deceased

the five times shouto found his hand in izuku’s hair and the one time it happened in front of bakugou - deku’s hair floof appreciation fic

I’m yours if you’ll have me - omegaverse au where deku tries to get todo to just get a fucking clue ft bakushima 

i’ve tried every hobby, and you’re all that’s left - everyone got todo to try and find a hobby

all your little things - deku wants todo to love himself

Marry The Mole - flaming cheeto man tried to bribe his son’s bf to break up with him

petal steps - hades/persephone au

—- KIRIBAKU —- 

a whole series where kiri and baku are THAT couple

a many splendored things - anniversary fluff

anniversary - ^another one

little words - soulmate au where you’re born with the first words your soulmate directs at you

free at last - omegaverse au where kiri’s parents are assholes

angel’s kiss - FRECKLE. KISSES.

beating in time - vampire!au where some hunter thought baku’s a vampire, while it’s actually kiri, tho baku doesn’t know that either

teach me how to surf and other stuff - surfer au whee as a pro baku pretends to suck so he can get close to the cute surfing teacher

flowers speak louder than words - baku has hanahaki

crystal tears - kiri cries crystals, and he and baku learns how to do relationship

all the make up that MAC can make - kiri tries make up

nothing ever goes wrong at the mall - baku and kiri meets baku’s old middle school classmates

13 things best bros do together (+1 thing they don’t) - oblivious idiot

Next to You - sOFT

Pining and Pinning - quirkless au where guitarist baku has it bad

A Consequence of Constant Explosions - deaf baku and supportive bf kiri

white walls - kiri’s injured, baku’s worried

hold my hand until I feel whole again - kiribaku ft post raid ptsd

tuesday i was through with hoping - ^another one

after the fact - ^^again, another one

sunshine flutters - ^^^^another fucking one but it’s from baku’s perspective

something like an earthquake - another post raid hospital fic

tender loving care - another one this time ft momo

hoodies - omegaverse where baku gets possessive 

a boy & his dragon - fantasy au where kiri and baku date

Soft - omegaverse au where kiri tells baku they’re gonna have a kid

—- BAKU AND DEKU FRIENDSHIP FOCUS —-

baby steps - bakugou’s journey to be a decent human being ft. eri kiri and momo

romantic displays of a barbarian - baku openly showing his love for his wonderful bf

make a spark, break the dark - fantasy!baku went to the canon verse

there’s a space here shaped like you - ^another one

to win back your heart which was mine - ^another one but fantasy!kiri is fucking dead

bakugou’s (wikihow) guide to making friends - baku attempts to amend his friendship with deku ft kiribaku

will I ever be more than I’ve always been?  - baku trying to apologize for his shitty past. part of a series of future fic, they’re also great

—- ANGST CAUSE FUCK FEELINGS —-

white lily - midoriya izuku hates himself

scorpions and chains - hit by a quirk deku’s put to sleep, everyone else ended up seeing the past he never says

out of reach - @garbageisland-0​ ‘s nomu!deku au. it hurts 

for the future - during the sludge villain attack, baku watches deku dies right in front of his eyes, and he mourns

the stars welcome them home - on weekends students go home for the weekend, except satou, hagakure, baku, and todo

the sadness behind their eyes - as a teacher fuyumi wants none of her students to end up like her brother

this sick, strange darkness (comes creeping on, so haunting every time) - todoroki shouto is dead

so big / so small - sads but it’s todo, bday angst

Escape - the sads now ft kiri

the song of a broken past - kiri copes with his feelings with the violin, quirkless au

hit me up if you want the dirty//shot

[the-burning-tiger]

In honour of Eurovision tonight Im bringing this back ‘cos we all know if Magnus  Bane threw a Eurovision party t would be the best party ever...

Read it on A03 or below the cut

It had all started so innocently. They had been lying on the sofa in the loft just watching some nonsense tv show when Magnus had suggested it. How about a little soirée ? His exact words. That probably should have been a hint. You know to celebrate you moving in…just a few close friends. It had sounded fine and as he knew his boyfriend loved to throw parties it seemed mean to say no, not that he was any good at refusing anything to his wonderful warlock.

Alec remembered the look of absolute joy on the warlock's face as he grabbed for his phone to check dates. The mischievous glint in Magnus’ eye when he selected the date may also have been a clue that a quiet night wasn't really on the cards.

Magnus had suggested a themed evening, excited that in little over a month there was a annual singing contest in Europe that would be perfect for a get together. Apparently it was called the Eurovision Song Contest and was incredibly popular with loads of countries in Europe and even some not (Australia and Israel had been invited) all getting involved, and Magnus had pointed out as Idris was technically in Europe it was high time the Shadowhunters got involved.

How bad could it be? I mean some nice music in the background and Magnus had sworn he'd just invite a few people. He had finally settled on a very select group. First of all Izzy, Clary, Jace and Lydia were obviously on the list and if they were coming then Simon had to come and with him Raphael and Lily. Magnus had insisted that seeing as there were vampires coming for courtesy’s sake he had to have a couple of werewolves so Maia and Bat were invited as well. Then Magnus old friends Catarina and Tessa completed the group. Hardly anyone. It would be fine.

Except, as often happened the list kept getting longer, first it was some seelies (after all it would be rude not too) then a few more of the vampire clan and some more of Luke's pack. It was soon apparent that this was going to be less of a soirée and more of an out and out party.

Still Alec didn't worry too much.

Alec had started to feel a little trepidation when he had seen the invites which were unsurprisingly very glittery..

Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood

Cordially invite you to celebrate

The musical spectacular that is

The Eurovision Song Contest

Fancy dress mandatory Come representing your favourite European country

He had felt then that things were getting somewhat out of control. But seriously how bad could a singing contest be … Right?

The next few weeks had passed in somewhat of a blur although despite the fact that he'd been pretty busy at the institute he couldn't help but notice that Magnus was spending an inordinate amount of time planning the perfect themed nibbles and researching drinks from around the world. It was, to be fair nice to see him so excited. It was, however slightly worrying when the warlock roped in Izzy and Clary to help with the arrangements. It became a regular occurrence to find the pair of them giggling conspiratorially in corners, although they assured Alec that it would be a fabulous evening. Apparently Magnus had shown them clips of previous shows to give them the inspiration, which was odd as every time Alec had asked him the warlock had insisted everything was in hand and not to worry.

A week before the party it seemed that everyone was obsessed with talking about what their costumes would be. Izzy had told Clary and Lydia excitedly that Simon was going to simply die when he saw what she was wearing and Alec had to stop himself from pointing out that as the vampire was already technically already dead it wouldn't be that hard. He still had no clue what he would be wearing, Magnus had assured him he had it all under control and not to worry and he hoped that the warlock had been joking when he'd mentioned lederhosen.

On the morning of the party the loft was a flurry of activity. Magnus was overseeing the instillation of a large amount of ginormous flat screen TVs and a spectacular sound system, whilst Clary and Isabelle were decorating every available inch of the loft with bunting and flags assisted by a very disgruntled looking Jace. Every available surface was filled with exotic delicacies, French snails jostled for position next to Swedish meatballs, German sauerkraut and Swiss fondue and many others that Alec didn't recognise. Magnus had set up an equally impressive bar area with drinks themed by country, Russian vodka, Greek ouzo, Italian grappa and many more. Beside the bar there was a stack of laminated cards, Alec picked one up to examine it more closely. There in bold letters was the title “Eurovision Song Contest Drinking Game Rules” followed by a list of instructions..

Fireworks…drink Wind machine …drink Costume change…drink Key change…drink

The list was apparently endless.

Alec had started to realise far too late that the situation was getting rapidly out of hand and equally that there was no way to back out now.

So that was how Alec Lightwood came to be standing in his new home dressed as a Roman gladiator in the middle of raucous party and much as he hated to admit it enjoying himself immensely. Alec Lightwood. At a party. Having fun. Now who would have thought that was possible a year ago.

Alec leaned back against the bar feeling decidedly tipsy as he sipped on a martini and gazed around the scene before him.

He had started to get the idea that perhaps it was a bit more than a singing contest during the very glittery opening credits but it was only when the contest actually began that it became evident that this was possibly one of the most ridiculously camp things he had ever seen. There had been a plethora of different songs from the actually quite good to the deeply bizarre and within minutes the loft had been filled with people shouting

“Fireworks…drink”

“Costume change .. Drink”

From there things had rapidly degenerated. Apparently now they were well in to the voting and quite frankly Alec didn't have the foggiest idea what was going on or in fact who was winning. Magnus had cranked up the music once the singing was over and medley of classic Eurovision songs was playing.

Alec smiled as he watched his sister dance sinuously around a quite frankly stunned looking Simon. His sister of course was an excellent dancer but her extremely provocative French maid outfit was certainly helping. Even Raphael, dressed in a resplendent matador outfit had almost cracked a smile.

The middle of the loft was filled with people dancing and he caught a glimpse of Clary's red hair flying around as she whirled around hand in hand with Lydia. Lydia's blonde hair was in thick plaits to complement her Swiss maid outfit and she was glowing with happiness. It was more than Alec could have hoped for.

Over in the corner Jace and a young werewolf.. Jordan was it… were first bumping like old friends which was funny considering that not half an hour earlier they were arguing over whether that was actually a key change in the Greek song.

“Sweden 12 points…drink” the shout went up

Closely followed by a very drunk Jace, in full Viking regalia, exclaiming loudly that he was Denmark obviously not Sweden but then drinking anyway.

As the music changed to pump out the pure euro pop strains of Gina G’s Ooh ahh just a little bit Alec noticed that Simon had broken out of his mesmerised state. He was clearly trying to do some very drunken Russian dancing to complement his Cossack outfit but despite having vampire strength was failing miserably and spending an inordinate amount of time landing heavily on his butt. Clary and Lydia had wandered over to watch and were laughing heavily, Clary's Greek laurel wreath headdress slightly wonky.

Alec felt someone lean heavily against his shoulder and looking down saw a slightly wobbly looking Lily looking up at him her smile wide and very fangy.

“Great party Alec..” She was slightly slurry and waving around a rather large glass of Bloody Mary… Emphasis on the bloody.

Despite her slightly inebriated state the vampire as always was immaculately dressed in a baby pink skirt suit.

“Hey Lily, missed the memo about fancy dress…” Alec admonished lightly

“It's vintage Coco Chanel darling..” She pouted back

Seeing Alec raising a questioning eyebrow Lilly was soon shouting across the room…

“Bane….. Bane … I love your boyfriend, I really do, but you simply must teach him something about fashion…..”

Magnus who was dancing with a group of Bavarian barmaid seelies looked across grinning broadly..

“Darling… It's a lost cause..” He shouted back winking at Alec.

Lily sighed dramatically and started to lecture Alec on the importance of Chanel. Alec wasn't really listening, the sight of his boyfriend was, as ever, captivating, the silver glitter in his hair sparkling in the light as he wove around the seelies. He was wearing a silver skin tight sequinned catsuit open to the waist showing off an expanse of polished bronze chest adorned with a wealth of necklaces. It occurred to Alec as Magnus sparkled under the party lights that he looked like a sexy mirror ball closely followed by the realisation that he was probably more drunk than he had realised.

Lily punched him firmly on the arm..

“So you see it's practically French national costume…”

“Huh”

“Oh you're hopeless..” She huffed “Fine… I'm going to rescue Raphael, at least he appreciates good dress sense”

As Lily sashayed off Alec overheard Maia’s friend and fellow werewolf Bat, who had been roped into DJ duty, announcing that the next one was for all you lovers out there in his most cheesy voice.

Magnus was practically flowing through the crowd towards him now, watching him was making Alec breathless. He stepped forward to gather the warlock in his arms as Johnny Logan’s Hold Me Now started to play. Alec ran his hands lightly down the warlock's sides.

“Remind me again which country your supposed to be” he teased gently “Well these sequins are rather like fish scales so.. Let's go with Finland” Magnus smiled mischievously looping his arms round his boyfriends neck.

“Cheater..”

“Always”

Alec pulled the warlock into a soft lingering kiss.

They rested their foreheads together as they swayed to the music together, Magnus’ ridiculously high platform boots making them almost the same height.

“So much for a quiet soirée ..” Alec murmured

“If I'd told you would you have wanted to do this…”

“Hmmm maybe not…”

“Are you having fun though..”

Alec pulled back a little and smiled at his boyfriend.

“Definitely …”

“I don't think you’re the only one” Magnus nodded his head to the right of them where a pinstriped suited Raj was currently entangled with a very handsome seelie knight.

“Raj.. Really…when did that happen…”

“Ah my boyfriend the trendsetter”

Magnus grinned at him wolfishly.

“We should do this more often …”

“Mags…”

The warlock threw his head back and shouted..

“Same time next year everyone?”

A huge cheer erupted .

“See they agree…” He smirked.

“You're impossible…”

Alec leaned in and kissed the warlock lightly.

“I love you Magnus Bane”

“I love you too.”

Magnus leant in to return the kiss, this time with more intent. The music was changing into something more upbeat as the warlock started to writhe against Alec fingers tangling in his hair. Alec broke free and growled softly into his boyfriends ear..

“I swear Magnus if you don't stop moving like that I'll have no choice but to drag you out of here and tear that catsuit off you..”

“Now that sounds like an excellent plan..” Magnus breathed starting to manoeuvre them away from the party “I'm sure everyone's Far too busy to notice.”

The last thing Alec noticed before they bundled into the bedroom was Jace leering suggestively and giving him thumbs up.

As Magnus dragged him in for a hungry kiss Alec reflected that it had been an awesome night and, he thought it was about to get a hell of a lot better.

[thevampirediariesdiary]

1.19 Miss Mystic Falls (part 1)

So I watched this episode, and then spent multiple hours paralyzed in the face of writing anything about it.  Miss Mystic Falls is classic, iconic Vampire Diaries, and I unabashedly love it.  So naturally, that meant I eventually wrote so much that I decided to break the recap post into two parts.

Stefan pulls into the school parking lot in his flashy car, since it was a “waste to leave it sitting in the garage”.  Are we talking about the car or you, Stefan?  And how many analogues do we really need to see that Stefan wasn’t living life to the full and now he’s going whole hog? Elena asks him if he’s okay now, and he says, “Well, the worst part is over.  Now all I wanna do is spend as much time with you as possible.”  

“I’m okay with that,” Elena says, and kisses him.  But when she tells him they shouldn’t be late, he tells her to go on ahead so he can get his stuff.  Which isn’t technically a lie, because he does get his backpack – out of a trunk full of empty blood bags.  Womp womp.

Poor Alaric has had his lesson plans for the month waylaid by town pride, because apparently the town founding is more important than World War II.  His long-suffering teacher-ness gives me life, even though it’s a quality rarely on display. But both Bonnie and Stefan are back in school, so at least he has a full classroom, finally.  

Damon is being harangued on multiple sides, which is funny, because he actually seems to be minding his own business for once in his life.  Liz tells him there’s been another break-in and blood theft at the hospital, and John Gilbert suggests that he and Damon put their heads together to solve it. Damon agrees, but since Liz openly dislikes John as well, he isn’t nice about it: “Whatever I can do to keep this town safe, even if it means spending time with you.”  

I enjoy this, because it means his friendship with Liz is genuine enough that Damon doesn’t feel like he has to be generically-nice vampire-hunter guy all the time - he can also be day-drinking, arbitrarily-belligerent guy.  Then, as if this indignity wasn’t enough already, Anna shows up on his doorstep to tell him Pearl feels horrible about the whole debacle with Stefan getting tortured. When asked why Pearl isn’t there herself, Anna says, “She doesn’t really do apologies.”  “Well that’s a coincidence,” says Damon acidly, “since I don’t really do forgiveness.”  But they realize that neither of them was responsible for the hospital break-in, so what do you know, communication does have some uses.

Bonnie and Elena have a strained conversation. Elena had called to tell her that the tomb spell failed, and Bonnie says after that she didn’t really want to come home. But Caroline and Bonnie talked every day, apparently, and now that Bonnie’s back Caroline offers her a distraction: helping her prepare for the Founders Court and the Miss Mystic pageant.  

Stefan gets home and immediately gets pounced on by his brother, who wants to know if he has any stories from school to share. “You’re making smalltalk,” Stefan accuses, “…why.”  “You seem awfully chipper lately, less doom and gloom, more pep in your step,” Damon says, demonstrating said ‘pep’.  “You think it’s because I drank human blood again,” Stefan supplies.  “I mean I don’t wanna brag, but I would definitely take responsibility for this new and improved you,” Damon says. (Somewhere on the other side of the country, another vampire in a black leather jacket laughs and says “who am I kidding, I love to brag!”)  “Alright, well, I hate to burst your bubble but, I’m clean,” Stefan tells Damon.  “Yeah, not possible.”  “Not only is it possible but it is quite true.”  Damon isn’t swayed: “Stefan, let’s be serious for a second.  You spent the last century and a half being a poster child for Prozac, and now you expect me to believe this new you has nothing to do with human blood, nothing?”  Stefan just shrugs, repeats, “I’m clean.”  Damon’s voice raises an indignant three octaves: “You’re lying.”  “Believe what you want,” says Stefan.  But basically five minutes later Stefan goes downstairs to his creepy blood fridge and Damon pops around the corner and asks when he was going to share that he’s a closet blood junkie.  And Stefan, caught in the lie, completely reverses his previous stance: “So I’m drinking blood again, you’re the one who shoved it on me, what’s your problem?” Damon tries to explain that the problem is that Stefan is being obvious and they’re trying to keep a low profile here, but Stefan just adopts a “poor you” voice and says, “Have my actions negatively impacted you? I can’t imagine what that must feel like.”  Damon tries a different tactic, and asks about Elena, but Stefan says that nothing’s changed, he’s the same person as always – so Elena doesn’t need to know yet.  This frankly insane statement seems to get through to Damon, and he abruptly gets serious: “Look Stefan, you’ve been off the human stuff for years, if you’re having trouble controlling it –”  “I’m not having any problems,” Stefan interrupts him, shrugging smugly.  “Who do you think you’re talking to?” Damon says impatiently. “I know what it’s like, that Jekyll and Hyde feeling, there’s that switch, sometimes it goes off and you snap.  Right now is not a good time for me to be worried about you snapping!” Stefan answers, “I know that it pains you to see this, but I’m fine.  Okay?  I’m fine.  So, please, do me a favor, and back off.”

Side note: they do some really interesting stuff with lighting in this episode.  In the second half of this scene, Stefan is lit by the open fridge:

And Damon is, for a good portion of the scene, just a silhouette in the doorway:

Stefan is perfectly visible, if dimly lit; Damon on the other hand appears in total darkness, you can’t even see his face. But then again, Stefan, who appears more clearly, is lit by the very thing keeping him underground. And Damon only appears shadowed because the light from the stairs is directly at his back. All he has to do is turn.  Instead, of course, he steps forward to stand next to his brother.

Elena and Caroline and the other candidates interview for the Miss Mystic Falls position.  Caroline’s extremely impressive litany of extracurricular and volunteer activities is juxtaposed with Elena’s confession that she’s been distracted this year, but takes the nomination seriously, and regards it as a legacy from her mother, who believed in community, honor, and loyalty.  

John barges into the Salvatore house and complains that Damon has been dodging his calls.  When Damon asks why he’s even bothering with the charade since it’s pretty clear he and Isobel aren’t interested in catching vampires, John answers, “Isobel and I have a mutual interest.”  Damon’s eyes flicker for a moment, then John goes on to explain that there’s a stolen Gilbert invention that he and Isobel are looking for in the possession of Pearl. Damon, to John’s ever-so-satisfying surprise, tells him to leave: “I only entertained this whole blackmail scheme cause I thought you and Isobel could lead me to Katherine.”  But if John knew anything about Katherine, he would know who Pearl was.  “I’ll tell the entire council what you are,” John says, confused that this isn’t working the way he planned.  “Go for it,” Damon tells him, “I’ll kill every last one of them, sever your hand, pull your ring off and kill you too.” 

The Miss Mystic contestants and their escorts have dance practice.  “Flirt with your eyes,” instructs Mrs. Lockwood.  

“This is ridiculous,” Elena says. “You’re only saying that cause you don’t know how to do it,” Stefan tells her. “Sorry only one of us was around when the dance was invented,” Elena retorts.  Stefan grabs, twirls, and dips her while she giggles – more voluntary dancing from the newly-non-inhibited Stefan – before Mrs. Lockwood informs them that there’s no touching in this part of the dance, it’s just about the “simple intimacy of the near touch”.  Once she steps away, Stefan says, “If you ask me, the near touch is overrated.”  “You seem to be in a good mood,” Elena comments. “That a bad thing?” Stefan says, sensitive as ever to accusations that something might be off with him. “Would you prefer me to be brooding and tortured?” “Hey, I’m not complaining,” Elena says, and reaches for him to reassure him. 

“No touching,” he tells her, joking again.  

And honestly, all of this would be exceptionally adorable, except that I’m pretty sure Stefan is basically in the middle of a manic episode. It’s never explained flat-out in a convenient vampire-fact, but based on Damon’s Prozac comment earlier and everyone commenting on Stefan’s mood shift, it seems like having a healthy diet of human blood keeps a vampire’s moods steady.  So his many decades of only animal blood made Stefan a little bit broodier than he would be naturally, and now that he’s pretty clearly drinking more blood than his body actually needs, he’s buckets of fun and impulsivity.  He’s a diet-induced manic-depressive.

Caroline and Bonnie arrive, Bonnie filling in as Car’s escort while Matt works.  Caroline is, of course, anxious about her competition, particularly the sympathy vote Elena’s guaranteed because her parents died.  She knows it must seem unimportant to Bonnie, but confesses, “I want this, and I actually deserve this!”  Elena pulls Bonnie aside and Bonnie finally tells her what’s wrong: “She died for nothing….That’s just it, there’s nothing you can do.  I blame [Stefan], him and Damon.  But I’m not gonna put you in a position to choose sides.  I’m just having a hard time with it, okay?”   

Meanwhile, Stefan gets completely overwhelmed when a kid falls playing basketball and skins his knee.  I know this is teen vampire bread and butter, but I don’t buy it. Ignoring the many everyday scrapes and papercuts and half-healed shaving mishaps that people regularly walk around with, half of the population is actively bleeding one eighth of the time, you can’t tell me that this is the first time Stefan has encountered the smell of blood all day!  Give me consistent vampire fiction or give me death!!  Either you’re in control all the time, or you’re not, because there is ALWAYS blood. 

Alaric shows up to the Gilbert house to chauffeur Jenna and Elena to the pageant.  “I thought I was driving,” John says, pitifully.  “No need,” Jenna tells him.  Alaric grins at John.

Nothing is working out for Uncle John the way he wants.

Anna’s hair is, like, the Ideal 2000s Messy Bun.

She tells Damon (who, look at that, is gorgeously lit) that she was supposed to participate in this very event back in 1864, before everything happened.  “Ah,” he says, unsympathetically, “nostalgia’s a bitch.” But he helpfully shares the information he has about John and the Gilbert device. 

next up: Miss Mystic part two, everything goes to shit

[ragehappysecretsanta]

Author: http://teambattlebuddies.tumblr.com

Recipient: http://achievemenhunter.tumblr.com

Summary: Nothing even remotely interesting has ever happened in Micheal's life. Nothing fun, noteworthy, or cool. He's tired of the boring self pitying person he's become but honestly? There's nothing much he can do about it really. That is until a handsome stranger accidentally turns his boring life on it's ear when he's witness to a supernatural event. Things are significantly less boring when he's fighting Vampires side by side with two gorgeous guys who he thinks might want him too.

Warnings: Violence, Alcohol, NC-17

WordCount: 11,093

It’s Tuesday night, so naturally nothing much is happening. Nothing really happens on Tuesdays. Nothing of importance or significance at least. Most people don’t like Mondays, but whether good or bad, shit happens Monday. Nothing’s ever happened on a Tuesday. It might be the shittiest day of them all.

Michael gulps a craft beer because he’s a dying man anyway. A man dying of boredom that is. A man staring at the game playing in the corner of a dive bar when, if you asked him, he’d have no answer to the score or the teams or even the sport. He cares so little, the only reason he’s even looking at the TV is because it’s moving and something is happening, even if it is an old rerun of some sport Michael couldn’t care less about. Hell the only reason he’s in this shitty bar is the thought of being that guy in a shoebox apartment he can barely afford, alone, drinking beer staring at the wall, well the thought of that’s just about the only thing sadder than being where he is and doing what he’s doing.

God, his life sucks.

Even Michael hates his boring, self-pitying ass. He hates his job? He should quit it. He’s lonely? He should try dating. He’s horney? He should pick someone up at the bar or just jack off or something. God he’s such a fucking whiney baby. Get a grip.

“I’ll just have a water.”

Michael’s eyes drift over to this designated driver guy because he has to be even sadder and more bored than Michael. Water? Really.

But this guy doesn’t seem to be part of some sad Tuesday night party, he’s alone at the bar. And he’s pretty fucking hot if Michael’s honest. Like He’s short, built as hell, and wearing a leather jacket. All things setting off Michael’s boner meter.

Come on, Michael. Time to take life into his own hands. And by life, he means… well you know. Apologies to his right hand but he’d prefer other company tonight if he’s honest. So Michael tries to be casual, try not to be too much of a desperate son of a bitch. Just sit next to him, put down his empty glass and order another. There. Now he has a reason to sit next to this guy.

There’s not many guys Michael feels comfortable openly flirting without first finding out a few things, like ‘Is he gay?’ but that’s a box already checked here. He emanates the most powerful top cub vibes what with his shaved head and facial hair and honestly just everything this guy’s got going for him. He’s got to be gay.

“So, you come here often?” Fuck. Shit. It’s been so long since he’s talked to anyone hot, let alone this hot. What a dumb fucking thing to say. ‘You come here often?’ what kind of reply is he gonna get then? ‘Nope/Yeah.’ Then Michael says ‘cool’ and that's that. The end. What’s his next line? ‘Are you from fucking tennesse or something? Because I’m a fucking stupid asshole.’

“Nope.” The guy says and MIchael wants to crawl into a fucking hole.

“C-” Michael begins, resigned to how this conversation is going to end.

“Not my scene, usually.” The guy continues. And that accent? What are the chances of another east coaster down here in Texas? High, probably, but still Michael likes.”You?”

“Uh…” He wasn’t expecting to have to reply, fuck. “...Nah, I don’t really get out much, so I’m not really anywhere often, except for work and-”shut the fuck up, Michael! Stop fucking babbling. Act cool you piece of shit. “-uh, home.”

“I’d say the same about myself really, if work wasn’t almost anywhere.” He laughs to himself, finishing off his water.

Michael smiles along with him because he doesn’t know what this guy does so how’s he supposed to get the joke? “So what do you do?”

“Oh, uhh…” The guy drinks his water and he looks like he’s stalling. What, does he strip for bachelorette parties? The fuck is this non-static work environment secret bullshit? “I work, um, freelance… security?”

Well that’s a fucking lie if Michael’s ever heard one. He isn’t gonna call him out on it. Whatever this dude wants to keep private is his fucking business. Instead, Michael just leans in closer, “Wow… that sounds interesting…” He touches the guy’s hand and he realises that he doesn’t have any idea what this guy’s name is. And honestly? Michael’s kinda into that. “Freelance, huh? Flexible work hours?”

“I can get called in last minute pretty often, but mostly I make my own hours.”

“So you’re free tonight,” And here it comes, fucking head first into this shit, “And if we’re both lucky, all morning too?”

“Umm…” It doesn’t even look like he’s paying goddamn attention. The guy is straight up looking over his shoulder at something across the bar! “So, you got any, uh, hobbies?”

Well he was just thoroughly ignored. It doesn’t matter, the guy’s beautiful brown eyes are back on him and really Michael doesn’t need some polite guy. All he needs is a burly top to give him something interesting to do for a few hours. “I play a lot of video games,” Attempt number two, “If you want, you can come over. We could play something if you want?”

Just as he gets to inviting him over the dude looks over his shoulder at something again. Or not something Michael realises. Someone. There’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen across the bar. Right. Did he misjudge this guy? No. Not fucking possible, if this guy was straight he would have rebuffed michael immediately. Maybe he’s bi though. He doesn’t even look back at Michael as he starts to speak again, “Yeah, video games. I’ve got an xbox at home. I’ve played so much GTA V sometimes I almost just steal a car in real life before I can stop myself. Hahaha…”

“Right.” This guy’s just babbling now, straight up looking away from him. Not that Michael can blame him or anything, that chick is incredibly hot. Like long curly hair, slim legs, big red lips, and giant tits? If Michael was into girls he would be all up in that. They apparently both want the both thing if those fucking bedroom eyes she’s giving the guy Michael’s been trying to fuck are anything to go by. And fuck, she’s definitely winning this battle, no contest. Michael makes one last attempt, but it’s weak. He’s already given up.

“I’ll suck you off in the parking lot.”

The guy doesn’t even acknowledge him, instead just fucking gets up and walks out, following the gorgeous goddamn woman and her mile-long-leg, curves-in-all-the-right-places ass. Michael hopes they both have a terrible night.

He orders two shots of whiskey, pays, and downs them.

He literally just met that guy and he fucking misses him. Michael has no idea what he’s like, but he was from the east coast. He had such broad shoulders. He played GTA V! They were practically fucking soulmates!

He hopes the shots get him tipsy enough to get over the loss of the love of his life. Or at least tipsy enough to tide him over ‘til he gets home. Then he can actually get shitfaced and cry on the phone at a friend or someone he went on a failed date with or something.

Fuck, Michael doesn’t know. He’ll surprise himself.

His chest is warm and his legs feel like they maybe want to be kind of rebellious and unresponsive. It’s all good. Maybe not good, but not bad.

He’s out of the dim light and into the dark and cool night. He unlocks his phone to call an uber because he lives too far to walk home at midnight.

Ah, cool, it’s 0:01.

“Fuck-”

Michael turns to the voice against his better judgement. It’s the voice of the guy who rejected him and honestly Michael doesn’t need to see those two fucking against the wall, but millions of years of evolution cause him to look over at the source of the noise. Science is bullshit.

But they’re not fucking.

They’re fighting. Viciously. The woman tightens her grip around the guy’s neck and Michael’s head goes fucking blank for a moment. He has no idea what to do, even as the dude knees her in the stomach and pulls her head into the wall next to him as she’s doubled up.

Then he whips out this thing, it looks like a fucking knife. Hot guy has a knife,  what the fuck.

Call 911! Screams the only voice in Michael’s short circuiting brain but it’s too late. The guy drives his -not a knife, it’s too thick- into the woman’s chest and Michael has never been more glad he didn’t get that guy to fuck him.

Shit, he could have ended up stabbed!

His fingers are already dailing, something he does in the split second before things go crazy.

There’s this sound like someone sucking on a pipe organ or something, but like, this sucking sound, but through like an amplifier. It’s loud and like maybe she’s inhaling hard with that -holy shit, holy fucking shit, she’s got a full on stick in her chest- in her lungs. Then like she’s voldemort in the last Harry Potter Movie, she flakes away. All at once, she turns to dust, or like dandruff, or dandelion seeds as she floats away into the wind.

There’s gravel stuck into Michael’s hands before he even knows what that means. His ass hurts and not in the way he wanted it to. Shit. Shit. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck!

The guy’s eyes snap onto him as Michael's muscles bypass his brain and just start scrambling as far away from this guy standing above him with a fucking sharp stick he used to kill and fucking evaporate some woman in this goddamn parking lot. He’s going to die. He’s going to fucking die here.

Michael’s back hits the front of a parked car and there’s no further he can go. The guy is standing right over him and Michael can see the guy’s eyes snap from him to the phone on the ground. Shit. Michael dropped his fucking phone. If only he’d hit that call button, it’s not likely but at least there’d be some fucking chance that he wouldn’t get stabbed. It’s too late now though.

The guy picks up his phone. “Huh. I guess you saw all that then…”

Michael is so dead.

Then he sticks out his hand. His empty hand. Like he’s trying to help Michael up. Michael instinctively flinches, drawing further back. He wanted to sleep with a fucking murderer. What the hell is wrong with him.

“Wait, uh,” The guy takes his hand back, following Michael’s eyes to the wooden stake in his hand. Like there was something else that Michael was going to be scared of. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? Oh right, he’s fucking crazy. Like, literally just killed someone batshit insane.  “I-I’m not going to, uh, stab you if that’s what you think.”

Michael laughs. It’s not like he finds this situation funny or something. It’s just, pure disbelief. Disbelief at the statement. Disbelief at his fucking situation. Disbelief that he was about to die. Because Michael doesn’t picture his death often, but murdered in a parking lot was not one of the scenarios he’d imagined.

“No, really!” The guy raises his hands. Surrendering. Michael could make a break for it? Get back in the bar. “Look,” And the dude drops his sharp stick.

There’s a silence. The guy with his hands up just stands over Michael. Michael stays on the ground, brain frozen halfway through the complex equation of things that could happen and ways to not die.

Then the guy talks again, “I-uh- you weren’t supposed to… see that. I mean. Um, I’m Jeremy.”

Ah yes, a wonderful time for introductions. Good to know your murders first name. Wonderful.

“Yeah, I’m Jeremy and uh…” Jeremy -probably a fake name. Like why would he give out his actual real life name? “Um, can I buy you a drink.”

What?

Fifteen minutes ago -hell, fucking like 2 minutes ago- Michael would have been ecstatic to get a drink from a  handsome stranger, but after seeing a literal murder? He’s less excited if he’s honest.

“If you’re afraid I’ll, um, kill you or something, there’s -uh. Witnesses? Yeah, witnesses in the bar.” Jeremy explains, he seems pretty panicked about this whole thing too. “I can explain.”

MIchael just stares at him.

“Right, um. I’m going to go back into the bar. If you want you can join me. I guess. I’ll pay.” Jeremy babbles like he was the one to see the murder. But Michael reasons that he’d be pretty freaked out if someone saw him commit a murder. Fuck, he’s probably the only person standing in Jeremy’s way from getting away with literal murder. Of course he’s being nice about it.

Jeremy backs up slowly, like he’s hoping Michael will spring up before he’s fully in the bar. Fat fucking chance, dude. Michael’s good where he is. Once Jeremy has backed fully into the bar Michael gets inch by inch back to his feet.

His heart is pounding so fast and hard and he can barely feel his limbs. This must be what actual fear is like. It’s a lot different from fear that your character’s going to die. He feels less sick playing video games. There’s nothing tying him here now, he could just leave. He really should leave.

He should leave.

Michael’s heart takes a while to calm. His knees take even longer to rebuild themselves from Jello. It takes just enough time for him to decide to do the dumb thing. He could just leave. Never come back. Get out of here and move on with his life but he knows it’s going to eat him alive. The curiosity. The chance to talk to a real-life actual murder and here how he fucking evaporated that woman and why. He decides to go back in because there’s no one stupider than Michael Vincent goddamn Jones.

Michael Jones, biggest dumbass alive.

Still on wobbling legs, with a thousand frogs hopping in his stomach, he goes right back in the bar. No one looks at him and yet he feels like there are a million eyes on him. It’s awful, the vulnerable exposure all over his skin. The fear is still there. Adrenaline can suck his dick. He walks at a fucking snail’s pace to try not to fall over.

One foot. Next foot.

Jeremy’s sitting in a booth texting someone on his phone. Maybe he’s got some serial killer friends that get off on his descriptions. God, Michael can’t fucking understand why he’d wanted to fuck this guy before. He’s probably bald so he doesn’t have to wash blood out of his hair. That’d be a pain in the fucking ass, Michael bets.

“Ah-hem.” He clears his throat because there’s really nothing to say. And frankly, his tongue feels so thick in his mouth he doesn’t know if he’d be able to talk at all, let alone coherently.

Jeremy starts making a soft “Ap!” sound as he drops his phone. The fuck does he have to be skittish about?

“Oh, ah. You came back in! That’s good.” He pockets his phone again, “So, uh, do you want to sit down?”

Michael laughs again. One of those laughs where he doesn’t know where it came from. One that’s just there, like he didn’t make the sound at all, but he did. He sits down though, right on the edge of the seat. He doesn’t know why. Maybe to run faster? But really how much faster is three inches?

“So. I-uh, this is going to be completely insane. Fuck, you’re just not going to believe a word I say,” Jeremy goes off rambling, getting increasingly quieter and more strained in his voice as he goes on, “God, how am I going to explain this…”

Michael just kind of sits there. Waiting because, what the fuck does he say? ‘Aw no buddy, I’m sure whatever bullshit excuse you have is really convincing!’

The guy finally takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. Like he’s reorganizing his excuse in his head. Then he begins.

“Okay, you know that Lady? She was a Vampire.”

Well this dude’s fucking crazy. Michael called it, bullshit excuse. Except either this guy adamantly believes this and he’s like, legitimately crazy, or it’s the first excuse he could think of.

“I'm calling the fucking cops.” Michael tells him matter of factly, because it was a fact. To emphasise this he takes out his phone.

Jeremy looks at him bemused. Or amused? Michael knows what amused means but that's not quite what Jeremy looks like and bemused sounds so goddamn similar so maybe? His eyebrows shot up and he looked like he wanted to smile. So if that's not what bemused means then Michael's been using that word wrong since he first learned it.

“Really? What are you going to tell them?” And Michael doesn't get it. He should be begging him not to call. Threatening him! This guy just killed someone! The fuck is he so smug for?

“That you're a fucking murderer!” Michael catches himself mid yell. But, looking around it seems everyone is either too drunk or doesn't care enough to turn and even just give them a dirty look. “That you're crazy and you killed that lady outside.” And then we'll see who's laughing.

“Really?” Jeremy mocks surprise, “But where's the evidence?”

“I fucking saw y-"

“Yeah, but where’s the body?” Which… makes sense. The body just evaporated. How the hell did he do that. The only times Michael had ever seen anything like that happen was… in vampire movies. When the vampire got stabbed with… a wooden stake.

What the fuck.

Vampires aren't fucking real. Vampires don't exist.

Maybe Michael's the one who's crazy.

Maybe this is a dream. It certainly doesn't feel real.

“Do you even know how you would describe the woman you think you saw me allegedly ‘murder’?” Jeremy cuts into his thoughts with his dumb fucking nonsense. Of course he knows what she looked like! Her hair was… beautiful, and her eyes were… really pretty or something. Fuck. He knows he knows what she looked like but the details are gone. He can't picture her face but he knows she was gorgeous. Was she Asian? White? Black? He has no fucking clue, which doesn't bode well for giving a convincing testimony.

“Why can't I-? Did you do something..?” Michael drifts off. Either he has a concussion or something or something legitimately supernatural is going on here. And Michael wishes he thought it was a head injury.

Jeremy gives him that little white person grimace you do when you’re trying to say ‘sorry, man’ when you have no actual control over the situation at all. Michael’s had two beers and two shots so he’s starting to feel like he’s drunk too much to deal with this. Or not enough. Michael’s head is so full of just general buzzing and fog that the only place for his thoughts to go are out his idiotic mouth.

“...but vampires aren’t fucking real.”

Jeremy looks away and shrugs his shoulders. Yeah, yeah, Michael fucking gets it ‘what can I tell ya?’ and ‘it is what it is’ and all those fucking bullshit placating platitudes. ‘It’s all going to be fine’ yeah, bullshit it’s going to be fine. Fucking vampires exist.

Things are never going to be fine.

But if Jeremy had to kill that lady then does it make it okay to find him super hot? Because really, who hasn’t wanted to fuck Buffy?

And a dude buffy? The absolute dream for Michael’s dumb gay ass.

Really after the adrenaline and the fucking terror of tonight Michael may have discovered something about himself, and that is the thought of hunting vampires -especially with the cub equivalent of a goddamn Winchester brother- has got his dicks attention. He’s not suicidal so of course he’s not going to actually go around hunting vampires but it sounds like a pretty hot role play in the comfort and safety of his own home. Right now though? Michael just wants to be in the thick capable hands of Jeremy and then never hear from him again. Maybe he’ll forget about vampires one day. Heck if he can get Jeremy to fuck him hard enough he might forget by the morning.

“I’m Michael,” Michael says, trying to figure out quite how to pull off the transition from complete and utter disbelief to ‘let me get into them pants’. “By the way.”

Jeremy blinks.

“You told me your name, and I thought we could maybe try this again from square one.” Michael says and really everything has happened way too much so he is honestly just going to block it out until tomorrow. Or never. Who cares! “I’m an electrician and I’m here because my job’s boring and my life’s boring so I thought it might be a good time. Somewhere to do something and have a little fun.”

Jeremy shrugs and reintroduces himself, “I’m Jeremy. I hunt supernatural creatures-” creatures? Not just vampires? Well fuck, if goddamn bloodsucking dracula motherfuckers exist then fairies and centaurs might as well too. What the hell does it actually matter. “-but my day job is doing freelance art for next to no money. I’m here to kill a dangerous vampire, but now that that’s done I’m just here to drink.”

“Well that makes two of us,” Michael does that half smile that his last ex fucking loved. “So I’ve got to wonder what a vampire hunter’s house looks like. Walls hung with weapons and trophies of all the vamps you’ve dusted?” He laughs a little to show he’s not actually interested in hearing Jeremy’s fucking interior decorating scheme.

He laughs, “I think the landlord might not like that.” Jeremy stands rapping the table quickly as he stands -knock on wood?- “I was gonna get a shot. You in?”

Michael smiles.

His boss is going to be so pissed at him in the morning

--

The night so far has gone almost exactly as Michael had hoped. Excluding the vampire thing. Obviously. But otherwise he’s met a hot guy, had a couple of shots, and is sharing an uber to the hot guys house after asking to see something they both know he doesn't actually care about. In this case it might happen to be that Jeremy mentioned he had a necklace made of hellhound teeth. It sounds cool, yeah, but would Michael go out of his way just to see it? No.

The uber driver gives them a tired look as they leave, Michael clinging to Jeremy because it’s Texas, but it’s Austin and Jeremy’s got those massive guns that if he’s honest, Michael wouldn’t mind seeing in action again. With a little three fingered wave the driver’s off again and the night is cold and the air is thin.

Jeremy’s house is small to say the least, not in a great neighbourhood. But Michael’s not here to have kids, he’s here for a one night stand and then forgetting about Vampires and Ghosts and shit that his brain keeps coming up with explanations as to why they can’t be real anyway and so Michael’s going to sleep with a murderer. He’s done worse though. He once had an ex who played League of Legends.

“So hellhounds…” Jeremy continued the story of how he got the teeth as he flipped through his keys -jesus christ he had a lot of keys, it was like he was some kind of storage unit janitor or something- “...they usually burst back into flames when you kill them, but I wanted those teeth, so I-” The door opened, “-well I had to…What are you doing up?”

Jeremy stopped in the doorway, but Michael could easily see over him to where another man as sat on a couch with a book in hand. He can only hope this other guy is a roommate and for the love of god please don’t let him be this guy’s-

“Hun, who’s your friend?”

Boyfriend. Well now Michael’s never going to get laid. Thanks life, really fair hand you’re dealing him here.

“Oh, this is Michael. He saw me ice that vampire at the bar.” Jeremy explains, shutting the door behind him as it dawns on Michael that either Jeremy is really good at keeping it cool or he wasn’t planning on sneaking around behind his boyfriend’s back. So either this guy is a fucking idiot or him and his boyfriend aren’t exclusive. Michael doesn’t know if he’d be alright with that or not.

“Why’s he here?” The Boyfriend asks over his book.

Jeremy ‘um’s a little, “Well he wanted to see the necklace I got from that time we got rid of that cult-  The hellhound one.”

This Boyfriend puts his book down and he’s got these little reading glasses on and all of his hair held up in this messy bun. These two truly look like Michael’s fantasy threesome. He can say for sure right now that if they offered? He’d have his pants off before they’d even blinked.

God he’s so fucking lonely.

“He came all this way to see a necklace?” The boyfriend says, and he seems to get it. Like he hears how it sounds, because to anyone it sounds like Jeremy invited him over to fuck. “Is it just for the necklace or did you forget to text me?”

Jeremy goes beet red and Michael doesn’t really know what that means but he’s kind of stuck inside because Jeremy’s blocking the doorway. Fuck man He just wants to leave now. Well, yeah he wants to have a threesome, but if that’s off the table then really he just wants to leave.

Jeremy sputters, “I-uh-no!” Jeremy coughs, “No, really I just invited him to see the teeth. Proof! Because I was telling him about… vampires and things.”

“Well, if he’s here because of… uh… well I’m not really up for tonight. Bring him around Saturday maybe?”If only Jeremy had introduced his boyfriend then Michael wouldn’t have to just think of him is The Boyfriend. Also it’s starting to sound more and more like something was going on. Either they’re both murderers and Michael shouldn’t have come here or The Boyfriend thinks he’s here for a threesome. Well that’s two of three on the same page it seems at least.

“No!” Jeremy glances from Michael to his Boyfriend, “I, uh, Well if he wants to… but I swear! I swear to God I didn’t invite him for uh…”

“Well, he can see the necklace if he comes back on Saturday,” The Boyfriend says, getting up, “But I’m going to bed and you better be coming with me. You really need to tell me if you’re going to bring strange men here, whether you’re planning on having sex with them or not.”

Jeremy looks between them guiltily. Welp with is just great.

He takes an Uber home with a new number in his phone and the promise of a threesome on saturday apparently.

This has been a very weird night. Michael doesn’t even know if he wants to go, sure they’re both super hot and it’d be a good time but he should just delete Jeremy’s number right? Go back to doing nothing and forgetting Vampires are a thing.

Because honestly who wants to deal with that.

--

Michael looks at the text Jeremy sent him yesterday for about the fifty thousandth time. He’s still got this internal debate about what he’s going to do. It’s a struggle between how lonely and horny he is constantly and how much he’s decided that vampires and Hellhounds don’t actually exist. The bartender could have slipped something in his drink! Or Jeremy could have actually just killed a real life woman and he’s a fucking idiot for going to his fucking house rather than calling the cops. The problem is, it seems, that he can’t reconcile between his peace of mind and his peace of dick.

Why is his life so hard.

Buffy-> sorry about last night. i was a little drunk i guess. didnt eat yknow?

Buffy-> this is awkward and weird but i thought i should explain

Buffy-> it’s cool if you’re not into this just block me i guess? but me and Ryan have been talking about having a threesome for a while and he thought i had brought you over because of that which i swear was not what i was planning on

Buffy-> but uhhhh if youre down we’re down i guess

The lights in the house flicker on all around him. Electricity restored and Michael’s work here is done. His mind is on the texts and how to respond, they’ve been on his mind since he’d gotten them. Hell, Jeremy’s been on his mind since before that. There’s nothing in his life that matters enough to take his mind off of it. Nothing’s interesting or fun enough to occupy him with any other thought than if he should respond or delete.

Michael sits in his car just staring at his phone. He’s got nowhere to be and nothing to do until his boss calls him with somewhere to be. Otherwise he has all the time in the world just to stare at his phone while the angel and devil on his shoulder argue.

Trouble is he doesn’t know which one’s which really. They’re both more like two assholes who don’t know jack from shit.

The phone starts buzzing in his hand and his heart skips like fifteen beats thinking that it’s Jeremy. But it’s not. The screen reads ‘BossMan69 calling…’ and Michael doesn’t know if he’s sighing from disappointment or relief. Really it depends on what way he’s leaning in his internal struggle.

“Yeh?” He answers, pulling his feet from the dash. Time to get this show on the road, earn that bunce he needs to afford his five basic needs: food, shelter, water, video games, companionship. Or, well, four out of five isn’t that bad really.

Predictably his boss doesn’t call to tell him he has the day off, or a raise, or anything besides just where and what is needed and to confirm that even though he didn’t come back and he didn’t text that he fixed the wiring in that old couples house and he can move on to installing some switches in someone else's place. Predictably he gets there later than his gps tells him he should because he spent at least ten minutes staring at Jeremy’s texts and wishing he hadn’t quit smoking. It’s to the point where if he saw someone pass by with a cigarette he might just leap out of his car and wrestle them for it. He doesn’t because it’s Austin and smoking is almost illegal here but he would have. Let it be noted that Michael would have done it. He fucking swears on the big man himself.

When he gets to the house Michael looks from the gps address- screen screaming out how he has arrived at his destination- to the house. It’s the only house it could be and fuck if he would just need to install switches. Michael would be fucking surprised if this place had light bulbs installed. It’s classic horror movie haunted old house, it’s even got the old dead leafless tree. Well, it might not be dead, it’s fall so there aren’t any leaves on any of the trees but that’s not the point. The point is there’s practically a lightning crash behind this house and Michael stares up at it. He doesn’t get freaked out easily and even here it’s more the fact that this place is old as shit that he’s bothered, but onto the property sends a shiver down his spine.

He grips his bag harder.

--

As it turns out the job is easier and harder than he thought it would be.

On one hand he actually didn’t need to install anything, so thank christ for that. On the other hand well, Michael isn’t much of a runner really.

Really the suspicion creeped in on him when he opened the door and was met with the most beautiful man he had ever seen. Like stunning, perfect skin and amazing eyes. Then he smiled with weird sharp teeth, oh and then he had Michael look over at something on the wall and while he was distracted the guy, uh what was it again? Oh right, he tried to fucking bite his neck.

Now he’s locked in the bathroom with a heart beating a million miles a fucking minute because he literally just decided that vampires don’t exist. He had just decided that and yet here’s this guy trying to fucking drink his blood, living in a straight up dracula-style weird old house.

Slow footsteps creep down the hall, obviously maximizing the scare factor because this guy wanted to be classic. Honestly it’s so cliche Michael almost doesn’t believe in vampires again. On the other hand the vampire dude starts running his claws against the wall and he sounds like he’s getting fucking close and Michael can guess how well a lock is gonna work against an actual creature of the night.

His phone buzzes again.

Shit!

Vampires have fucking super good senses right? As he immediately panics about how he’s going to actually die because his service provider needs to tell him right now that he’s almost out of data for the month. Michael whips out his phone to make it shut the fuck up because really what the hell else are you supposed to do in a vampires bathroom as ominously makes his way to kill you?

But it’s not TMobile. It’s Jeremy.

Buffy-> yeah this is weird you should just block me

The beautiful fucking son of a goddamn bitch vampire hunter. Michael knew that he was a stupid but honestly this is rock bottom. How did he forget that he has the number of a vampire fucking hunter?

You-> yo help??

You-> m at 33 rver garfen blvd

You->big creepy house can’t miss it

His phone buzzes back with Jeremy’s reply.

Buffy-> whatd u need????

You-> vamp help

Buffy-> shit man??? b thr sooon.

Buffy-> get a sharp stick

And with that sage advice in mind Michael can hear the wood on the door that is the only thing keeping him from becoming a bloodless corpse creaks. A dent begins to slowly form outward as the dude, with obviously inhuman strength, pushes his flat palm from one side of the door to the other. It’s fucking intimidating, yeah, but if this guy keeps up his whole slow pursuit thing that he seems to get off on he’s going to get fucking dead soon. Jeremy seems to know what he’s doing.

Michael hopes he does at least

The door splinters as it bends back farther and farther before the whole centre breaks away as a pale hand pushes its way through the door. He’s gonna have to call someone to come replace his door. Then he’s probably going to fucking murder them too. The long nails in the vampire’s hand scratch along the wood.

Searching for the fucking knob that’s going to pop the door open and then Michael’s going to die.

He’s so fucking scared he couldn’t even think of a good Shining joke.

Adrenaline doesn’t make things slow down like in the movies. Michael doesn’t get another five minutes to think of his next move, but it’s like his brain moves faster. Like when you close all other windows and suddenly your game moves a lot faster, his brain shuts off all the unnecessary windows of sexual frustration and disbelief and panic so the one and only function he needs can run at maximum speed; survival instinct time bitches.

The splintered section of wood from the door had slid across the tile floor. Sharp? Check. Wood? Check. Near him? Well nearer to him than to the vampire -whose hand found the door knob so now it really was split second.

No time to think.

Michael takes the leap and bends to grab it, but time doesn’t slow for him and the door clicks open as his hand grasps the splintery wood and he’s going to need tweezers soon. But the Vampire’s fangs are fully exposed, extended like a snake’s and Michael can see himself in third person perspective; bent double and clutching a piece of wood, overshadowed by a tall imposing figure poised to strike.

There’s only one thing he can do and that's back the fuck up. Back up and stand up. But this isn’t a turn based game, there’s no Michael backs up then Vampires makes his move. It’s simultaneous as the ever encroaching threat looms closer, jaw wide, and Michael backs up until his back hits cool, hard tile that he can feel a thousand times more through his cotton shirt than he should. The wood splinters more in his hand when he grips it harder. He’s fucked but the part of his brain that tells him exactly how fucked he is was shut in favor of recalling literally any action movies he’s ever seen.

Michael knows it’s kill or be killed right now and he aims to kill.

Or maim. He’s still not sure how comfortable he is killing someone. Or Something.

The vampire takes a step closer and Michael’s had his arms for quite a while. He’s pretty sure he knows how long they are. He takes the swing, pointy end slashing across his body. He catches the vampire’s hands, dragging sharp splinters into gouges into his palms. Fucking get wrecked.

The vampire recoils, surprised, and Michael knows that at least he’s going to be the most difficult meal this vamp’s had in awhile.

“Fucking take that!” He yells kicking out at the Vampire’s balls, which doesn’t seem to do much other than knock the vampire off balance. It doesn’t last long though because Michael is not a kung fu master and he’s not very fast. A tight grip wraps around his ankle as the vampire steadies himself on Michael’s fucking leg and now it’s Michael’s turn to be off balance. And off balance doesn’t really cover it when, with the strength of a fucking ox, his leg gets wrenched upward and he tumbles backward onto the tile floor.

His elbows take the brunt of the force as his leg is dropped so his head doesn’t split in half, but he still cracks it hard against the floor, seeing white and feeling a deep nausea in the farthest parts of his stomach. And there’s a thousand pound man laying on top of im all of a sudden. A man made of fucking pure marble with razor sharp teeth and it’s the fucking end of the line.

The vampire’s teeth brush against the junction of neck and shoulder.

Michael still has a grip on the splintered wood.

Fangs plunge into his skin and it hurts like fire and knives.

Michael uses all of his strength, his considerably lackluster amount of strength, to drive the wood into the vampire’s back.

It doesn’t quite make it all the way to his heart but it clearly hurts because suddenly he can breath and his wounds are bleeding onto his shirt and skin and not into some fuckers mouth.

A door bangs open downstairs. “Michael!” Jeremy.

The vampire twists around to the source of the noise and Michael isn’t one to let an opportunity like this pass him by. He knees him right in the side, twisting himself to punch at the fucker. Which is a bad idea. It’s like punching a brick wall.

“Michael!” Jeremy yells from much closer.

“Fuckin’ hurry!” Michael yells back before the vampire gets his hands around his neck, crushing his windpipe. He doesn’t even know why he bothers clawing at his hand, trying to do something.

Jeremy appears in the doorway. The vampire turns his head again and Michael kicks out again, catching his ribs. “Take that you undead fuck!” Jeremy’s eyes light up in the corner of Michael’s vision.

Michael needs to stop being this gay for like two seconds.

With a stake in hand Jeremy runs in and now it’s two on one and Michael kicks his foot out hard, aiming for the jaw. He doesn’t know if you can knock out a vampire but he sure as hell tries. Jeremy goes straight for the heart, plunging the stake into the vampire’s heart with enough force to push all the way through his back. Then again, the ear splitting vacuum cleaner death rattle as the vampire dissolves into dust.

“Jesus fucking christ!” Michael topples onto his back, gasping for breath, “Fuck this holy fuck.”

Jeremy grins back at him, breathing hard too, “Yeah.”

His hands are so bloodless they don’t feel like his own. Fuck, nothing feels real past his eyes. “And you do this everyday? You’re a fucking lunatic!”

That laugh, it’s warm and genuine and full of relief over saving someone he barely knows, tugs right at his heart. But Michael shuts that down real quick. No need to catch any kind of feelings ever. Feelings, quite frankly, can suck his fucking dick.

“I wouldn’t say that, but yeah.” Jeremy says, still laughing in his eyes. Beautiful brown eyes that Michael could fucking care less about.

Couldn’t.

Michael couldn’t care less about.

And there’s Jeremy’s hand on his shoulder, “But you’re okay?” and it leaves him gasping, for a moment.

“Uh- yeah. No.” Michael cuts himself off, wrenching down his shirt, “He uh-” It still hurts. Two pinpricks and every vampire movie, every zombie movie, flashes before his eyes. Is he gonna turn? Is Jeremy going to kill him? Can he live off chicken blood and work the night shift? “I-I got, uh, bit.”

Jeremy blinks, “Oh, I have some, uh, disinfectant in the car. Infections. And a bandage for the bleeding,” He says, making a move to help Michael up, “But otherwise?”

Okay, no fear of becoming a vampire apparently? “No.” That’s lucky, “So bites don’t make you turn? I mean movies probably aren’t the most accurate thing to go by here but-”

“No-” Jeremy laughs like understands Michael’s hesitance. Like he’s been there. “No, it’s more, um, you have to drink vampire blood. That’s how you turn.” He pulls down his own collar, “I’ve been bitten -fuck- fifteen times?” Sure enough, his neck is littered with small white pin pricks. “It’s not really a big deal. It hurts like hell but otherwise.”

“Right.” Michael says, using Jeremy to finally get on his feet. “Right.”

Right, right.

When his wounds are dressed and his questions are answered the car is quiet. It’s a lot to take in. True it was a lot to take in before, but now it’s like it’s settled in his head.

Vampires are real.

Vampires are real and he has a crush on buffy thinks Jeremy is kind of attractive and will leave it at that because he really doesn’t want to get involved in this vampire nonsense.

Except that’s the most exciting thing he’s done in his whole life. That’s the first thing in years to get his heart to beat faster than a destiny raid It’s the first time he’s actually been in real danger and all of a sudden extreme sports make sense. He wants to fucking go bungee jumping.

“How long,” He edges into the silence carefully, “Uh, how long have you been hunting vampires?”

It gets harder and harder to lie to himself every time Jeremy laughs. “I didn’t believe any of it even after finding Ryan’s books. He was… really into supernatural stuff. I just thought he was into fairytales and shit but I got attacked by a fucking little goblin thing and I believed all of it since then.” He explains, “But my, uh, first vampire was maybe three years ago and it was just some dumbass who’d been sleeping for too long to know any modern technology, so it wasn’t hard.”

There’s one important thing Michael caught in all that and it’s unfortunate but, “So how long have you and Ryan been dating?”

“Uh,” Pausing to think is not a great sign for Michael. A threesome is one thing but Michael sincerely doubts he fucks good enough to get Jeremy to leave a long term relationship, “Five years? Five and a half. Learned about the supernatural stuff maybe four years ago? Got engaged eight months ago though. I know that one.”

Oh, they’re engaged. That’s nice.

“Engaged?”

“Ha, don’t have a date or anything. Hard to do that shit you know?” Jeremy says. Michael agrees even though no, he doesn’t know.

The car stops in front of Jeremy’s house again. Maybe Michael can worm his way to be a permanant fuck buddy? Or they could be one of those weird throuple things you see on buzzfeed? But he’s getting ahead of himself. He’s getting way ahead of himself. He just thinks Jeremy’s hot, no need to get into any weird three person relationships quite yet. He doesn’t even know how that would work. Ryan gets Jeremy monday wednesday friday and Michael has him tuesday thursday saturday? Do they alternate sundays?

“Babe! I’m home!” Jeremy announces into the house.

“I didn’t know you had gone!” Ryan yells back as Michael follows timidly behind. He doesn’t know why he’s here.

“I went to go help Michael with a vampire situation.” Jeremy calls, taking off his shoes in the entrance. Michael quickly follows perhaps a little too quickly. He hopes Jeremy didn’t see that. He’d think Michael was some kind of idiot, almost falling trying to pull off sneakers like a fucking idiot.

And again Michael’s reminded how incredible Jeremy is. Ryan walks in, drying his hands on a tea towel, as handsome and tall as ever. “Michael?”

Ouch.

“Uh, Michael.” Jeremy presents him with a nervous hand like he’s something to be embarrassed about. He is, but he doesn’t like being treated like it. That’s just fucking rude. “Michael? From, uh, yesterday?”

Ryan looks him up and down. He’s starting to feel really exposed and uncomfortable under the judgmental gaze of this apparent supernatural expert when Ryan finally smiles. He’s got pretty teeth and a smile like he’s never seen any suffering. He’s a good liar, Michael can tell. “Right! Michael.”

It’s thursday. A day of confusion and a day of awkward meetings and realizations. Thursday’s always that kind of day, a day where a lot’s happening. This thursday Ryan smiles at him, and Jeremy’s by his side and his heart fills with warmth and Michael knows in that moment that he needs to get laid more than anything in the world because he’s barely known these two a day and he thinks he might be a little in love. “H-hi.”

“Do you wanna-” Ryan winds the tea towel around his wrist “-I made enough dinner for left overs if you want to join us?”

“Um, yeah. Sure.” He says. Honestly he had no other choice.

--

They bring it up first. At dinner. Jeremy and Ryan have this whole cutesy couple thing going on that makes Michael’s stomach hurt but they have this whole thing where they look at him and they hold hands and it’s like they’re going to offer him the best deal he could ever accept.

“So…” It begins after comfortable conversation peters out to comfortable silence over mashed potatoes and chicken legs. “You actually did really good.”

“Hmm?” Michael asks with his mouth full.

“Handling the vampire,” Jeremy clarifies, “You did good.”

“Mmm.” Michael agrees verbally but not mentally. He knows he would be a fucking raisin if Jeremy hadn’t been there to help him. He swallows his potatoes, “Thanks, but I would have been toast without you there!” Thank fuck he ran into Jeremy at that bar.

“Ha, well you handled yourself pretty well,” Jeremy assures and the look he gives Ryan kicks Michael right in the chest. “You’d be welcome to join sometime.”

Join? Join what? “Er-”

Ryan cuts in, “He means that -well- when we meet people and we show them vampires and supernatural shit is real they sometimes want to… help out?” Oh. They want to bring him into their vampire hunting squad.

“That’s-maybe.” It’s an interesting idea. But he has a job and he values his life. Michael stares at his potatoes. Who’s he kidding. He doesn’t value his life he’s fucking bored at home all the time.

He wants to be fucking Buffy for a change.

“Maybe,” he says, “Uh maybe I can help out? One time. See how it is…” Like a fucking vampire hunter internship program. Like he’s fucking auditing a class or some shit.

Jeremy and Ryan look at each other and then back to him, “Sure.”

--

At five his shift ends and plugs Jeremy’s address into his phone. It’s so fucking surreal still, even after hanging around with them last night talking about exactly what he’d be doing. He feels like he should prepare, mentally or physically or something, but his head’s just empty because he just can’t understand what’s going on.

He’s going to go help two gorgeous guys hunt vampires.

He wonders if this means the orgy’s off.

Michael pulls up into the driveway. Does his heart exist? Or is it beating so fast he can’t feel it? It’s just weird to think that he’s going from just a normal job to actual supernatural shit. He knocks on the door and just kinda stands there, rocking on the balls of his feet. Nerves.

It’s Ryan who opens the door, smile on face, “Michael! You made it.”

“Yep,” He says because there’s nothing else to say and saying nothing is even worse.

“Come in,” Ryan says, making room for him to shuffle in. He takes off his shoes; he knows the drill.

“So what are we doin’?” He’s already buzzing. Fae? Sea monsters? It’s been all he could think about and he’s been doing research. Well if looking up mythical creatures on wikipedia at four in the morning counts as research.

“I’m making hot cocoa babe!” Jeremy calls from the kitchen, “Ask Michael if he wants some!”

Well it doesn’t seem like anything particularly exciting is actually going on then. The buzzing in his chest slows.

“You’re not going to make me any?” Ryan asks as they both cross into the kitchen.

Jeremy clutches his chest in mock offence, “You think that I don’t already know you want some!” He smiles at Michael who is very gay, “So do you want any?”

“Uh,” It’s gonna make him gassy and he likes both these people, “Nah.”

Jeremy shrugs at him, “Suit yourself.” Like he’s doing this for himself, he’s thinking of them on this one. If it was up to him he’d be chugging hot chocolate six ways from sunday. Fucking lactose goddamn intolerance.

“So uh,” the room had settled into a comfortable silence and no one had answered his question, “What are we doing?”

Ryan pauses blowing on his drink, “Well this is your first official go, so we’re gonna go slow.”

“Like faeries or some bullshit?” He could fuck up a faery. He could wreck a fucking faery.

Jeremy and Ryan laugh.“Oh god no,” Ryan says, “Faeries are probably the most dangerous.”

Note to self: you cannot just fuck up a faery.

“Yeah, no there’s a gnome that’s tearing up some golf courses,” Jeremy explains, “Luckily everyone thinks it’s a mole.”

A gnome? Like a tiny garden decoration with a stupid smurf hat? “How do you know it’s a gnome?” Because isn’t it more likely that it’s just a mole anyway?

“Well there’s… uh… signs.” Jeremy says unhelpfully. No shit.

Ryan cuts in, “Flags, clubs, balls and all sorts of things have been going missing and gnomes get pretty-” He gestures vaguely with his cup, “Enamoured with human things.”

“Okay…” It’s not the biggest indication. People lose things all the time but they’re the experts so Michael’s just going to trust them on this. It’s not like he has any idea about the signs a gnome is living in his pants let alone on a golf course. “Okay so, what? We lure the little guy out with some cool people things, snatch him up, and then what? Release him into the wild? Kill him?”

Jeremy smacks himself in the face, “Ah shit, Ryan! People things!”

There’s barely enough time for Ryan to get out a confused “Pe-” Before Jeremy jumps out of his chair.

“We’ve wasted so much time looking for what they eat, but-” He calls, already out of the room, “-can’t we just…”

Exchanging looks with Ryan is a weirdly bonding experience. Maybe because they’re both just so confused by what’s happening.

“We can set a trap with” Jeremy marches back into the room, big box in hand, “Old shit we don’t need!” He looks so proud of himself. Ryan looks less proud when he stands up to look at the contents of the box.

“No.” He says. Which fuck, he’s the expert. Or one of them. It sounded like a good idea to Michael. “We’re not using my computer parts!”

“But Ryan,” Jeremy whines, “You never use them.”

“I will!”

“When?!”

Oh shit. This turned into an argument too fast for Michael to handle. Normally he’d just leave but they’re both standing in the only door way. Maybe he could just climb out the window.

“Just admit you’re using this as an excuse to get rid of my shit!”

Michael pointedly looks away from the arguing couple. His friends? You don’t technically count as a booty call until you’ve slept with them, right?

“You always say you’re going to use them! When? When are you gonna use broken computer parts from the 1800s? I’ll tell you. Now!”

“You can’t just volunteer my things!”

This is uncomfortable. This is weird and Michael really shouldn’t be here for this.

“I just thought this would be a good way to lure the goblin. Sorry I solved our problem I guess.” Jeremy drops the box of computer parts a little harder than is probably good for them. “We can use my things then. I’ll go grab some old shit of mine I guess and we’ll use those to catch this fucker. They’ll probably be more interested in some action figures anyway.”

Honestly this might be one of the more uncomfortable situations Michael’s ever been in.

Ryan gasps, “You are not.”

“Oh yes I am, Ryan.” Jeremy says, glaring at his fiance.

Ryan stares, horrified and Michael starts to feel like maybe he’s missing some context on these action figures. “We’re so close to that full set, please-”

Jeremy sighs dramatically, hand on chest, “I know Ryan, but we need to get rid of those gnomes, and if you won’t let me use your useless garbage, well…”

There’s a long silence as Jeremy and Ryan glare at each other. Each daring the love of their life to crack. Is this normal couple shit? Michael hasn’t dated anyone for longer than two weeks since, well, high school.

“Fine.” Ryan says, “But only because I got you the last of the set for Christmas.”

Jeremy’s eyes light up, “You what!” then his face falls, “You bitch! I’ll ruin Christmas for you too then! Remember-”

Honestly, Michael might give anything for a hot boyfriend who spoils his Christmas presents.

--

It’s gnomes (which they caught and replaced with an actual mole in the dead of night, but not before Ryan’s whole collection of computer parts was ripped to shreds) then a dragon (it was tiny and starting small fires outside of town and Jeremy almost convinced Ryan to let him keep it before the thing set Ryan’s shoes on fire) and in what felt like no time he was out with Jeremy hunting dangerous vampires (Jeremy’s laugh makes Michael’s heart twist) and in the wilderness with Ryan, luring werewolves away from civilization (Ryan’s smile makes Michael dizzy and giddy).

He doesn’t even realize they’d missed saturday plans until Jeremy reminded him.

Lil J-> i kno we were gonna hang like two weeks back but if ur on for this monday we can make up for that

Which either means ‘time to make up for lost threesome’ or what it says on the bag. Hang, beers, scrabble. Only time will tell.

Not much time. Michael pulls up to the curb. He’s prepared for both scenarios, wearing his nice underwear and his tighter pair of pants, but nothing too overt. To someone that didn't know Michael only owned two unstained shirts he would  just look like a regular guy.

The sun’s on his face and he locks his car. Condoms? Check. Beer? Check.

He knocks on the door. Over analysing and over thinking everything. Jeremy brought up the missed booty call, meaning he’s probably going to get laid. But Ryan and Jeremy hadn’t seemed particularly interested in him so it was probably just a regular hang. But you don’t have to be interested in someone as a person to have sex with them, so-

“Hey Michael,” Jeremy smiles from the open door, “You brought beer! Nice. Come on in!”

Somewhat stiffly, Michael does just that and suddenly it’s easier. He’s been in this house before, he has beer and he knows where to put it. He’s friends with Jeremy and Ryan and what happens will happen. That doesn’t mean the anxiety tightening in his chest is gone, but it’s easier for him to say ‘fuck it’ and start heading to the kitchen, throwing back a quick, “Thanks for inviting me. I’m just gonna put the beer in your fridge.”

“I’m real glad you brought that. I knew I forgot something, we only have hard liquor.” Jeremy catches up behind him, diverging from Michael’s path to the fridge to instead kiss Ryan, “And you didn’t buy any last week either.”

“Well I don’t drink it, how am I supposed to remember to buy it?”

“So, uh, what did you guys want to do?” Michael asks.

Jeremy and Ryan exchange glances that could mean anything. Don't jump to conclusions. “We were thinking about watching a movie,” Jeremy’s got a lilt in his voice that might not mean that this movie is a ‘netflix and chill’ sort of situation, “But we can do whatever you want.

Michael is very consciously not getting his hopes up and his mouth, which feels farther from his brain than usual, says, “Uhh, yeah. Movie. Um.” Pull yourself together! “A-a movie sounds fun. What were you going to watch?”

Jeremy shrugs and Michael grabs his rising hopes and pulls them down like a helium balloon. Intuition can be a dumb fucking bitch sometimes. Best not to make an ass out of him or Jeremy.

“Well Jeremy’s never seen Pulp Fiction,” Ryan says, giving Jeremy an intense look.

“Oh right!” Jeremy says, “We were gonna watch Pulp Fiction.”

Jeremy and Ryan look at each other again. Doing that weird ‘we’ve been dating long enough to develop telepathy’ thing couples do.

“I’ll make popcorn, you get it set up.” Jeremy says as he apparently either wins or loses their telepathic negotiation.

Ryan nods and turns to Michael, “Do you want something to drink? We’ve got soda, water, and you brought beer.”

“Uh,” This situation is too stressful for him to stay completely sober, “I’ll have a beer.”

--

Michael hasn’t been able to pay attention to the movie and he doesn’t know if he’s supposed to be. Jeremy seems enraptured by Uma Thurman’s performance, but he keeps creeping closer and closer to Michael. Maybe it’s subconscious? But why lean closer and closer to Michael rather than Ryan?

Jeremy’s hand brushes his thigh and Michael can feel every vibrating molecule in his body. He could feel a fly bat its wings across the room. He tries to pay attention to the movie.

“Milkshake.” Some character he doesn’t know the name of says. Jeremy’s hand is fully on his thigh now. This is happening isn’t it? His dick is starting to take some notice too. Jeremy’s hand is so close and he’s been alone a long, long time. He’s just so fucking hot.

“I’m gonna go get more popcorn.” Ryan leaves and Michael gives a little nod to his back for apparently no reason. Everything in his brain is going so slow. Someone on screen laughs. Jeremy’s thumb traces circles in his thigh and his heart is in his ears so loud you’d think it would deafen him but he can hear birds chirping in fucking Europe.

Ryan comes back without refilling the popcorn bowl. In fact, he has no bowl. And he sits next to Michael, so now he’s sandwiched between the two and they’re both leaning on him, hands on him. He’s breathing three times as hard as normal but who could blame him? Michael moves his own hands, slowly. One, then the other.

First he lets his left drift closer and closer to Jeremy’s and when their pinkies touch he feels like a middle schooler. This was going to happen and they all know it, why did it have to move so slowly and so carefully. Why did he have to plan eight moves ahead? This isn’t fucking chess. So he takes the leap because it’s been a long time coming and Jeremy is so fucking hot.

He grabs Jeremy’s face and leans in to catch his lips. To kiss him.

Jeremy makes a startled, ‘ah!’ and then his hands are both on Michael’s waist and his beard scratches Michael’s face as he kisses back. This is happening. Holy fucking shit, this is happening.

There are two pairs of hands on the hem of his shirt. Two pairs of lips kissing him, Jeremy’s lips in tandem with his own and Ryan’s on his neck, finding those places on his pulse that make him sigh and moan. It’s like being with one person with two heads and four lips. Maybe years of monogamy turn you into a single finely tuned instrument with sex. Getting that routine together and knowing each other so intimately and knowing exactly what does what to your partner and how long they can last.

Michael whines and maybe it’s because Ryan grazes his teeth just below his ear or if it’s the thought of becoming part of this routine, this shared machine.

Jeremy pulls away and Michel tries to follow, but then he feels his shirt coming off and the next step from making out comes back to him. His dick is straining on his jeans. Well, he doesn’t really need them anymore. Ryan and Jeremy seem to decide wordlessly to double team Michael’s body, trying to cover every inch in kisses which makes taking off his pants difficult, but he settles for unbuttoning them. God that’s so much better.

The sound of Michael's relief seems to be a cue for Ryan because no sooner had Michael groaned than Ryan wound his fingers in Michael’s hair and tilted his head back to kiss him softly. Following, lingering kisses - letting Michael set the pace. Well Michael wasn’t one for slow and sweet. Especially not when Jeremy’s hand starts to palm his cock.

“Mmm fuck,” Michael groans between kisses and Ryan chuckles and Michael can feel it vibrating through his chest. He pulls Ryan back by his collar, bringing him back to the fast and hard pace Michael had set to handle the anticipation as Jeremy settles between his thighs and starts to pull down his pants.

Ryan pulls back, fixing Michal with a hungry look, his devious little smirk burning it’s way into Michael’s mind. Jeremy licks a long stripe from base to head and Michael can’t help but gasp.

Michael pulls himself back to his senses because Ryan’s looking at him with such a smug, satisfied look, he can’t let him get away with it. He pops the button on the front of Ryan’s pants, which shuts his stupid face up. Jeremy seems to be doing his utmost to distract Michael from giving his fiance a handjob, which would be fair in any other situation, but now it’s just plain rude. Jeremy keeps doing this thing with his tongue that makes Michael just want to hold on to something for support, but instead Michael starts pumping at Ryan’s dick and Ryan just moans and leans his head on Michael’s shoulder. Not even trying to help Jeremy.

Which… Is actually super fucking hot. Ryan, who’s always in charge and who takes control in research, in planning. Ryan, just becoming pliant and whining with Michael’s hand on his dick.

And Jeremy starts groaning around Michael’s cock, and it doesn’t take a genius to know two plus two equals Jeremy is touching himself through his pants and the thought makes it hard not to just cum right then and there.

Everything is fucking magical and Michael can’t believe anything that’s happening.

--

Michael wakes up, overly warm from being squashed between two people all night, and in desperate need of a glass of water and a piss. He tries to sit up, but Jeremy just tightens his grip around Michael’s shoulders.

“Hmm, no…” Jeremy says vaguely, brow furrowing. Michael’s heart is so light he could be floating through the fucking ceiling. There aren’t words that exist in the world that can explain how much this can’t be a one night thing. How Michael knows he’s gotta be here every day, held down by Jeremy. How the steady breathing of Ryan right behind him can’t just be here today and not the next and the next.

As Jeremy said last night when he wasn’t sure if he should leave or not, this bed is definitely big enough for three people.

He’s still got the piss though, and fix his parched throat, so -much to sleeping Jeremy’s dismay- Michael extricates himself carefully and climbs over Ryan’s sleeping form.

From the doorway he smiles over at them, and the clock on the nightstand blares out ‘3:26 am’. The wee early hours of a Tuesday morning.

[vrenaewrites]

CRAVE by Tracy Wolff thoughts: Ch 22 - ch 48

Full video here.

CH 22: Baby, it’s hot in here

Like, baby it’s cold outside?

Sooooo much internal monologuing about her first boyfriend and how no one has made her feel like Jaxon does…

“The big picture is that the most popular boys in school are obsessed with you”

“He looks at you like it physically hurts him not to be touching you. Baby, if he wanted you anymore he’d spontaneously combust”

Macy wants the tea about her and Jaxon

She says flint and him had a “massive pissing contest over her” lmao

“Are you trying to be reassuring or scare me?” “yes”

She tells heather ttyf? Am i stupid??? What does that mean?

TALK TO YOU FOREVER?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?

“It sounds like every cliche in the book, but he’s different around you. Somehow less intense, but more intense.”

“You can trust me, we’re family” and grace almost starts crying :(

CH 23: never bring an ice cream scoop to a gunfight

Macy FINALLY comes clean re: flint and jaxon are mortal enemies

“What is this the breakfast club? Even they figured out they could all get along” grace just be quiet and let the girl who actually knows wtf is up at this school tell you wtf is up. You been wanting her to talk for so long, be quiet.

Ooh something big happened a year ago that made them all break up into factions

It’s about hudson jaxon’s brother!

Or is his name spelled Hyudsin because stupid spellings

Ooh macy warned grace not to become the chew toy between flint and jaxon

CH 24: waffles are the way to a girl’s everything

I want to hate this but i fucking love waffles so like…

Someone’s texting her about her ankle...i thought it was jaxon...AND IT IS!

“I don’t know the punchline to whatever knock knock joke you’re setting up” I BURST OUT LAUGHING BECAUSE “he’s funny over text” ma’am...this isn’t funny? Maybe a lil snarky, but funny?

Now she’s telling jokes over text and we’re having a whole long stupid text fucking exchange….i hate this so much

Then he tries, “what do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite” and my soul leaves my body because what in the 8th grade twilight fanfiction is happening…

She texts him brb instead of just responding when when she was done peeing and then he stops answering her, this used to happen to me with the toxic dudes i talked to in high school...am i reading too much into this? Idk yet

And then she’s spiraling about why he stopped texting and UGH I REMEMBER THIS FEELING!!!!!!!!!

Jaxon has food sent up to her room from the...cafeteria? Wtf…

He says he doesn’t like the food and she says “So what do you like to eat” and then is like “wow that sounded suggestive” lmao

And he says “i don’t think we’re there yet but let me know when we are” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

CH 25: truly madly deeply bitten

And we’re really just gonna keep texting 21 questions

She loves tatbilb...i mean same lana condor is the loml, but

Jaxon loves rogue one………

I don’t care AT ALL. NOT ONE BIT DO I CARE, TRACY WOLFF.

“I wish i could ask the real jaxon vega to please stand up” i rolled my eyes but i also giggled

“You suck” “you have no idea how much” i threw up in my mouth.

Niall horan reference, hozier reference, rhianna reference

JAXON’S. FAVORITE. SONG. IS. TRULY. MADLY. DEEPLY.

INSERT SNAPCHAT OF ME CRYING LAUGHING HERE

Gambino reference, beethoven reference???, and then brown-eyed girl which personally offends me because my mom used to sing that to me

This makes her hands shake

She plays brown eyed girl a bunch of times

Then another woman comes to deliver a package to grace...from jaxon...it’s a library book

It’s twilight

Insert snap of me screaming stfu here

Macy is laughing her ass off about this because she isn’t stupid, she knows what jaxon is

And grace says she never read it when it was popular all those years ago…

Baby you said you liked reading. No way did you survive middle school without reading it.

And then he shows up!!!!!

She makes a shitty joke to lighten to the mood

He’s massaging her hurt ankle...oh shiiii

They ALMOST kiss

He gives her a little note wrapped in a ribbon

“I wonder how i’m going to keep this beautiful, broken boy from cracking my already battered heart wide open”

Hades voice: we were so CLOSE!

CH 26: the uniform doesn’t make the woman, but it sure brings out the insecurities

He ripped a page out of anais nin’s journals that says some shit like “i dreamed you, i wished for you”

So cute sentiment but you ripped a book my dude? Cardinal sin

Grace is finally going to class

The cafeteria is goth as fuuuuck

The music is “creepy af”

Jaxon sits next to her in front of everyone

CH 27: 10 degree weather gives a whole new meaning to “the cool kid’s table”

He sits in the super ornate chair backwards and it makes her horny

The order is kind of ragging on jaxon about being cute to grace which is funny

We get all the dude’s names at one - raphael luca liam mickey?? I think

“A dark and devastating desperation” in his eyes

And then we got byron who’s more angsty than jaxon - “mad bad and dangerous to know” just like his namesake

CH 28: “to be or not to be is a question, not a pick-up line”

Jaxon walks her to class

Wanting him feels like opening a vein

“I love the way your hair smells”

“My heart is beating like a heavy metal drummer”

We were so close!!!!!!!!!

We’re doing hamlet in class ofc

The teacher says “although you look like the shy type despite your association with katmere’s most notorious student”

Instead of just saying the halls are like playing frogger she describes the old video game where you try to get the frog across the road...is it just people in the south that say playing frogger when describing crossing traffic? Or is this a well known phrase??

Apparently there’s hidden tunnels so flint takes her to them

Her intuition is like BITCH DON’T GO IN THE TUNNELS but she ignores it AGAIN

CH 29: with friends like these, everyone needs hard hats

There are beds with shackles?!?!?!?!

Leah shows up and turns out they’re going to the same class? But flint insists on walking her to class…

Leah and flint are NOT friendly

Damn she offends flint with a buffalo bill joke

There’s bones in the tunnels and a giant chandelier in the rotunda that’s also made of bones…

There’s an earthquake!

CH 30: you make the earth shake under my feet, and everywhere else too

And it stops as soon as they get out of the tunnel

Jaxon is there and being a dick to flint and grace has HAD it

CH 31: big girls don’t cry, unless they want to

Grace gets hit with a basketball in gym

All the order has been walking her to class because jaxon knew she was mad at him

Does jaxon cause the earthquakes somehow?

She finally reads the texts jaxon had sent and feels bad for being mad at him when he was just worried - no he acted like a dick. Be mad.

She’s making sooooo many excuses for his anger: the earthquake, the fact that he’s already rescued her before so of course he’s worried…

Aww a student is playing autumn leaves which was her dad’s favorite song :(

She starts to boo-hoo “grief is a wild thing within me”

Civil twilight AGAIN

Jaxon is standing there when she finally stops

CH 32: it’s not a coincidence that denali and denial use all the same letters

He opens the door in the alcove and it’s like a clubhouse? Oh it’s his dorm room???? Confusion

So it’s like the living room and NOW he’s leading her into his bedroom

She says she’s terrified of him touching her because of the intensity but then says she has no trepidations about doing or being anywhere with him...ya just said...nvm

They go out to the roof

CH 33: Madonna’s not the only one with a lucky star

Please decide if grace is a silly teen who doesn’t know what frogger is or an old soul who loves madonna pls

She asks if he’s an alien…

And she tells him he’s the hottest person ever and that his scar makes him sexy as hell and he's all like “me?!” which is a nice role reversal

This is his favorite place

And there's a meteor shower!!

CH 34: all’s fair in love and earthquakes

Thanks i hate this

When she touches him she realizes how cold he is and thinks it’s from being outside which makes him act all weird

Someone please just tell this girl what’s going on!!!!!!!!! I HATE when the reader is 8,000 steps ahead of the MC

“A craving in his eyes” WE’VE SAID THE TITLE FOLKS!

She makes the move to close the space and says she’s dazzled, GUYS

She’s making the MOVE! “Did you ever want something but you were scared of taking it?” “yes” “what did you do” “i took it anyway” and then he kisses her!!!!!!

The kiss is as soft as a snowflake, as delicate as the permafrost

Then “his mouth goes crazy on mine lips tongue teeth, it’s a cacophony of sensations, a riot of pleasure”

“My knees go weak at his tongue on mine, just like one of those heroines in a novel”

His hands are vices on my biceps...his hands were around her back at first which seems way more romantic than manhandling her arms??

There’s an earthquake...and jaxon is like you have to go

A window breaks and cuts her and then she blacks out????

CH 35: baked alaska is more than just a yummy dessert

Intimidating af is the nurse

The glass nicked her artery!!!!!! The FUCK. or did jaxon bite her?????

Her mom died like that… yikes on bikes

He fucking bit her...this is a lie...i’m calling it…

FINN ABOUT TO COME CLEAN!!!...but the nurse stops him.

Macy is an OG bff she is the best

Or is grace the one making shit happen??

Grace notices the sheets are fixed but that macy never went to the bed

Macy asked what they were doing when the earthquake hit...WHY

CH 36: no harm, all foul

Grace goes after Jaxon and he’s like “our kiss didn’t matter”

He says he put her in a lot of danger by being around her, a “target on her back” and wants her to stay away from him but he can’t pull himself away

But then he does

CH 37: don’t ask the question if you can’t handle the answer

Leah drops the bomb that she and Jaxon are expected to carry on like a family dynasty sitch since Hudson died

CH 38: nothing says “i like you” like a fang to the throat

She’s freaking out of course

Mickey says jaxon def didn’t bit her and she’s even more confused and me too

Jaxon is in the mountains...he wants her to wait but she’s pissed

“I take a deep breath and hold onto it with both hands” ….?????

Because i have to hear it out loud, “what did make these marks?”

Say it, out loud

CH 39: there’s never a hallucinogen around when you need one

She’s furious and she should be! I’m glad she’s not replying to Jaxon

We finally get to the bottom of it all!!!!!!

Macy admits Jaxon is a vampire

Leah is one too!!!!

Flint is a dragon!!!!! CALLED IT

He’s got fire? With a name like flint how could he not PUKE

“Who needs LSD when you go to monster high?” Shut UP

Macy is a witch DUH

“You should have been one too”

CH 40: be careful what you witch for

GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH THIS TITLE

Grace’s dad was a warlock but he lost his power when he fell for grace’s mom...oh no was their accident like a magical mafia hit??

“What kind of witch are you if you can’t do something an 11 year old can?” “the kind that doesn’t come from JK Rowling’s brilliant imagination”...THAT aged poorly…

“This is a less bloody version of game of thrones” shut UP

The school nurse bit her because jaxon used his vampire venom to heal her cut, and it worked too well so she needed to cut through the healed skin with her vampire teeth

Because this is twilight satire so of course they have venom…

“So vampires can just override each other’s venom?”

Most of the vamps would have had a hard time not draining you dry, but not jaxon

I absolutely called it: witches, vampires, dragons, and werewolves confirmed.

CH 41: Vampires dragon and werewolves, oh my

This physically hurts

She’s kind of categorizing the students now that she knows which is totally something i would do

God almighty is flint just a jacob clone…

CH 42: good thing pancakes aren’t on today’s menu

The chandelier is falling onto her and someone pushes her out of the way - it’s jaxon!

His eyes smolder at her

She dresses his cut on his head and his arm

“I wouldn’t have had to save you if you were in your room where i told you to be” he grinds the last part out through clenched teeth

He finally lays it out that someone has been getting her hurt on purpose

CH 43: what doesn’t kill you still scares the hell out of you

Her uncle wants to talk to her before she sees jaxon again and i smell an info dump coming

Dangerous af

“Macy told me she spilled all the tea” said her UNCLE with no hint of like “is that what you kids say these days”. GTFO

“I wait for the other shoe to drop even though 100 have already fallen” that’s not how that idiom works

She’s like “how could he think i wouldn’t figure it out i knew something was wrong” no ma’am! No you didn’t!! You kept shrugging it off until chapter 24 at the EARLIEST when you settled on aliens

Getting the tea on the turf war between dragons and vampires - so it’s not like twilight because it’s not the werewolves. Whatever.

Uncle says it was probably some witch who got too loose with her powers and grace is like yeah no absolutely no one is trying to kill me it was yet ANOTHER freak accident

Uncle wants to sent her back to cali

CH 44: Sweet home alaska

So she doesn’t wanna go because of jaxon, not because her only family in the world is in Alaska….

It’s only been a WEEK

“I know jaxon can be...seductive” says her UNCLE

the guys in the order are born vampires, not made, it’s a v big deal

Info dump city re how vampirism is a genetic mutation…

There are 6 ancient families of vampires...this all sounds like the first draft of my new wip where I was trying to figure out how the secret society worked…

Then he says he’s not in the habit of talking students with other students….we just did...this whole chapter…

Another earthquake???

Ch 45: I always knew there was fire between us, I just didn’t know it was your breath

Dude shut up

She goes to the library and wonders if the books about vampires etc would be under non fiction or biology lmao

The librarian is a native Alaskan with elemental magic….yikes

She does a weird eye swirling “you’re more than you think you are” thing to grace

Flints in the library and she asks him about dragons and I swear to god if we get a chapter devoted to learning about each species via info dump I will burn this place to the ground

He singes the marshmallow with his fire breath, loves it

And he can breathe ice? He cools the water down

He can bloom flowers in his hand????

“They’re beautiful” “you’re beautiful” “but I’m not hitting on you??”

Because when I hit on you, it’ll be because you want me to!!!!! We Stan flint!!!

Ch 46: I’ll get you and your little dog too

Enough

Dry throat around flint now, oh shiiiiiii

Oh shit the order is on the move!! There’s trouble

She chases them into a classroom and sees jaxon making shit fly everywhere with just his mind...is he a vampire and a witch??

There’s a werewolf vampire brawl

Damn jaxon can freeze everyone with his mind!

She tries to stop him but he’s put up a barrier

She breaks through!!!!

And jaxon bites cole!!!!!!! ALMOST KILLS COLE!!!!!!!!!!!

“This is your only warning”

CH 47: the first bite is the deepest

Jaxon pulls grace away, this whole time grace’s inner monologue is her feeling responsible for the carnage

“I won’t hurt you” “I know” “you know? do you have a death wish?”

But jaxon is so disgusted at himself that she's just like “well did he deserve to almost be killed?” She has accepted this shit with sociopathic speed

“The power you wield...it’s unfathomable” sis has turned the corner

“You don’t scare me jaxon”

They flipped the script and she breaks down his defenses and it’s kind of hot ngl

She tells him she needs him and he bites her??????

Ch 48: is that a wooden stake in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

They’re getting worse

But it’s not a hurting bite it’s like a sex bite…like she describes an orgasm basically..

Then they kiss

The earthquakes are jaxon! Called it

At this point I am sooooo annoyed because just make him a witch!!!! We really wanted the twilight combo so badly we made him a telekinetic earth-shaking vampire?????????

They go to his room...and she goes to his drum kit instead of his bed, you dumb bitch

Now they’re talking in the bed

The jokes are just so fucking bad

He cuts them off by pulling her on top of him and kissing her!!! In bed!!!! We ain’t in twilight no more henny

“The kiss curls my toes but the yank curls everything else” wut

“I don’t want you anywhere near that world, and I sure as hell don’t want that world anywhere near you” - someone. Anyone. Take a second pass

~~~

[the-desolated-quill]

The Vampires Of Venice - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

People occasionally ask me why I write so much negative criticism about Doctor Who. Aren’t I supposed to be a Whovian? How can I call myself a Whovian if I don’t like the show. Well that’s the thing. I do like the show. Very much. That’s why I criticise. Yes I moan and nitpick and complain, but it all comes from the deep rooted affection I have for this barmy old sci-fi show that I’ve been watching since I was 6 or 7 years old. I love Doctor Who, warts and all. And it’s episodes like this that remind me of why I started watching this show in the first place.

The Vampires Of Venice was written by Toby Whithouse, who previously wrote the excellent episode School Reunion where David Tennant’s Doctor was reunited with the classic series companion and fan favourite Sarah Jane Smith. While I don’t think this episode is quite as good as his previous outing, it’s still hugely entertaining in its own right. 16th century Venice is a beautiful setting. Yes it’s a shame the canal is clearly CGI, but the rest of it looks good. And as for the villains.... Oh Whithouse. You know how I love a good villain. Now you’re just spoiling me.

Helen McCrory and Alex Price damn near steal the show as Rosanna and Francesco. I LOVE them! They’re both pretty intimidating at times, but they’re also delightfully camp. The dramatic twirling of capes and the almost orgasmic gasping they make after they’ve drank blood, it’s all so enjoyably silly. One scene I found very amusing in particular was where Rosanna and Francesco are sitting on the floor and she’s stroking his hair while his head rests on her lap. I just had the biggest grin on my face throughout. But as funny and over the top as they can often be, I never felt as though I was laughing at them. It certainly doesn’t diminish their threat or, in Rosanna’s case, the emotional drama surrounding their characters. If anything I felt it actually brought me closer to them. In fact these villains have something that has been sorely lacking this series. Character and personality. Francesco is this loyal, but petulant mummy’s boy and Rosanna is the doting mother that will do anything for her 10,000 offspring. They’re a ton of fun to watch and both McCrory and Price really throw themselves into it and are clearly enjoying themselves immensely, which just makes me love them even more.

It also helps that Rosanna isn’t the typical evil megalomaniac that often plagues this show. There’s a lot of effort to give her some depth and complexity. She’s trying to save her race from extinction and clearly spoils her children rotten. ‘What’s that? You want some wives? Okay. Mummy will go find you some.’ She’s still evil. She doesn’t give two shits about humanity and even tries to guilt trip the Doctor into helping her by mentioning the extinction of the Time Lords, but she’s not evil just for the sake of being evil. She’s motivated by self preservation and a strong maternal love for her children’s future. So when her plans ultimately fail and she sacrifices herself to be eaten by her children, thus dooming her race, I couldn’t help but feel slightly sorry for her.

I love how they incorporate all the traits and cliches you’d come to expect from vampire stories. A perception filter tricks you into thinking they look human, but it doesn’t work in mirrors, hence the lack of reflection. The vampire teeth show because your subconscious is trying to alert you to danger. They don’t drink blood, but rather drain you of your moisture because they’re aquatic beings who need water to survive. One thing I’m slightly confused by is their aversion to sunlight. Okay, they live at the bottom of the ocean so I guess sunlight would make them uncomfortable, but enough to disintegrate them? That doesn’t make sense. It’s also really inconsistent. One minute they’re hissing and cowering from sunlight and the next they’re just wandering around in broad daylight.

As much as I love Rosanna’s motivations and character, her plan is a bit weird. We’ll skip past the bit where they convert women into aliens by draining them of blood and filling them with alien blood. Doctor Who often plays fast and loose with science, and frankly I’d rather not go there. Instead let’s talk about her ultimate plan. She wants to sink Venice.

Um... why?

There’s clearly room in the canals for 10,000 of the fuckers. Why not just live there? Also the world is covered in 70% water. Couldn’t they just up and move somewhere else?

Still, at least I have an emotional connection with this setting, unlike with the previous episodes. Lucian Msamati and Alisha Bailey are both great as Guido and Isabella. Not the most interesting characters in the world, but they were likeable enough. I did feel slightly sad when they both died and I liked the parallel Whithouse draws between Guido and Rosanna. Both care deeply about the future of their children and both end up sacrificing themselves when they can no longer provide for them. That was a nice touch.

While I enjoyed the plot and villains, it’s the main characters I feel that really let the side down. Let’s start with the Doctor. I’m still enjoying Matt Smith’s performance for the most part. His scenes with Rosanna are absolutely electrifying and I love the subtle flirting between them. Can you imagine any other Doctor making that work? I’m also captivated by his silent menace. He’s clearly partially sympathetic to Rosanna’s predicament until she reveals that she didn’t even know Isabella’s name (who she executed a scene ago), demonstrating her own cold and ruthless efficiency, and motivating the Doctor to take action. And yet despite everything, he’s still devastated when she kills herself at the end. All very complex and multi-layered and so on. What I’m less fond of however is the humour. Something just feels very off in this episode. Like it all feels a bit too forced. For example, when him and Rory are talking about Amy kissing him:

Rory: “And you kissed her back?”

Doctor: “No. I kissed her mouth.”

That just seemed a bit too glib for my liking. Same goes for all the ‘mine’s bigger than your’s’ gags between the Doctor and Rory. But my least favourite joke was right at the beginning when the Doctor bursts out of a stripper’s cake. See I didn’t find it funny because I was too busy questioning why the Doctor couldn’t have just walked into the pub and talked to Rory like a normal person. I mean I know the Doctor is an eccentric, but this is taking the piss. It doesn’t feel like something the character would do. It just feels like the writers are trying too hard to be funny.

Rory is... okay, I guess. I did grow to like him in the episodes to come, but here he’s a bit weak. He seems like a nice enough guy and I do like the scenes where he confronts the Doctor about his behaviour, but he comes across as a bit pathetic. Plus Arthur Darvill gives a very wooden performance I feel, particularly in the sword fight with Francesco where he has this ‘I’m acting now’ kind of vibe to him. Again, it just feels like he’s trying too hard to be funny. Thankfully he does get better as time goes on, either because he grows into the role or he gets better direction, so I won’t complain too much.

However, while I do like the scenes where he confronts the Doctor, it feels as though he has more foreknowledge about the Doctor and his behaviour than he ought to have. They do explain that Rory researched the Doctor after what happened in The Eleventh Hour, but that doesn’t account for lines like this:

“You know what is dangerous about you? It's not that you make people take risks, it's that you make them want to impress you. You make it so they don't want to let you down. You have no idea how dangerous you make people to themselves when you're around.”

You got all that from a Wikipedia article?

I’m not saying Rory isn’t right. He absolutely is. I’m just questioning how he’s able to make such informed and authoritative judgements considering he’s only known the Doctor for five minutes.

And that’s not the only weird line of dialogue. Take a look at this one near the end:

“All I can hear is... silence.”

Obviously this is meant to continue the series arc surrounding Moffat’s crack (God I’m so immature), but... who the fuck talks like that?

Finally there’s Amy, who I really didn’t like in this episode. You may recall that in the previous episode she tried to have sex with the Doctor (how could you not recall it? I’m still having nightmares about it. Family show, Moffat. Family show). The Doctor invites Rory along in an effort to revitalise their relationship, and apparently it works... though I don’t understand how. First off they keep trying to downplay what happened at the end of Flesh And Stone to a simple kiss, which is most certainly not the case. A woman runs off on the night before her wedding and tries to have sex with another man. This isn’t a trivial thing guys. Second, there’s no effort to explore how Amy feels about all of this, the episode instead focusing on the Doctor and Rory’s dick measuring contest. Why is she so reluctant to marry Rory? It’s not as if he’s abusive or she’s being sold into a life of domestic servitude. If she’s not attracted to him, why is she marrying him? And third, Amy and Rory barely spend any time together. There’s never a moment where the two talk about what’s going on or try to make sense of their current situation. So when they do finally reconcile near the end after they kill Francesco, it just feels very forced. Rory clearly loves her, but she shows no interest in him until he clumsily fights off a vampire, at which point she’s suddenly trying to eat his face off. It just makes her come across as extremely shallow (and that’s hardly surprising considering she’s a Moffat creation).

As a continuation of the Doctor, Amy and Rory’s story, it’s incredibly flawed, but as a standalone adventure where our favourite time traveller battles a bunch of vampires from outer space, it’s very enjoyable indeed.

[hsj-scenarios]

“In Aeturnum”⎜AU, Chapter 1 of 3⎜Song Inspo: “Paradise Lost” by GaIn

( Note: I know, I know...This was supposed to be the second chapter of ‘Full House’ instead, but I’m having a bit of writer’s block with one of the scenes in it. This is a story, that I was going to add the base idea to the ‘Horror AU’ list, but I wanted to write it myself and I had a specific person in mind for the lead man. It’s based on the play ‘Lilium’, about a vampire clan living together in a secluded castle. I won’t spoil anymore, so you’ll just have to see how it goes! Btw, you might’ve noticed Shida Mirai in the board. All I’ll say is, you know I like my non-HSJ cameos. Scroll down for non-HSJ cast list. -- Mod L )

Chapter I ( next chapter )

This was a dream.

It had to be. The damp air of newly ended rain chilled your skin, feet following behind a figure that was slowly becoming familiar to you. His gait was slow, patiently waiting for you to keep up, and his shoulders were slumped slightly. And, though you couldn’t for the life of you know exactly why you were following him, you knew that there was a friendly air between the two of you. This was your friend, something in your heart told you so.

You knew him, but you didn’t truly know him.

“Keito,” Your voice beckoned, mouth moving on it’s own while your mind merely watched. It had to be a dream, the whole experience seemed so out of body. “You look down...What’s been going on with you lately?”

The figure stopped and turned to face your direction, revealing a kind faced young man. His features weren’t foreign to you, not in the least, but it felt strange at the same time.

You stood at the entrance of the more than familiar castle that served as home to you and your vampire clan, dark and dreary. There, it always rained. This little interlude of clear weather was only temporary. This whole setting was seen everyday.

But, not this man.

And, yet, your dream self seemed to know him.

Keito’s gaze hadn’t lingered on you for long and you could tell that he wasn’t one to have much confidence. It stayed for mere seconds before shooting down to the wet pavement, his white shoes* tapping as he backed away a few steps.

“It’s nothing.” It was far too late to say that, and he knew it. He must’ve seen your expression change to disbelief, as he quickly backtracked. “Ryosuke and I just did some exercises earlier...Then we competed a bit.” He tossed his head back with a sigh, red eyes looking up at the night sky before shrugging. “I’ll be alright. It’s just so frustrating losing to him all the time.”

Despite the other’s self depreciating laugh, you couldn’t be satisfied with that answer. Your feet moved on their own and a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder. “You shouldn’t compare yourself to other people like that. Especially Ryosuke. He’s been a vampire for longer than us, remember? He’s a pureblood.”

“And, I’m a dhampyr.” Keito retorted.

You winced, wishing you hadn’t put the focus on bloodlines. Of course, you shouldn’t have mentioned that. Keito came to the castle about two hundred years ago, didn’t he? He was found by Nozomu, one of the overseers, and introduced to everyone while he was battered and dirty. He’d obviously come from a rough life previously, and the beginning of his life in the clan was no easier.

Many of those who resided in the clan were vampires, through turned or pureblood means. Dhampyrs were more rare, prompting hatred and bullying from those who weren’t used to seeing them. Or, just plain hated them.

Your mouth opened to speak, pausing halfway into an unknown word. Wait. How did you know any of that about Keito? Who exactly was he to you? You knew everyone inside of the clan, and he wasn’t a resident.

“Hey!” A voice called out.

Someone called your name, prompting you to turn around. It was Chinen, the second overseer, walking towards you with a puzzled look. His eyebrows furrowed. “What are you doing out here in the cold?” The riding crop in his hand was held tightly, a symbol of authority.

You wanted to smile, though didn’t for your better judgement. Chinen appeared so young that it was hard to see him as the assertive figure that he was. “I was...” You spun around to point out Keito’s presence, only to discover the other man now gone. The clearness of reality hit, and it no longer felt as if you were dreaming.

This, in fact, was not a dream.

Now, it felt shameful to say what you were doing. Talking to yourself? You didn’t want to be labeled the clan loony. Clearing your throat, you went on. “I just..wanted some air.” A tentative laugh sounded. “You know, to be with myself and nature.”

Chinen evaluated your words before giving in, though his suspicious gaze hadn’t let up. Maybe he really just thought you were weird. “If you say so. Just get back inside before you catch a cold.” He made an inward motion with his crop. “The Master wants you all healthy.”

He herded you along and you did as directed, through your pace was slow as pressing thoughts lingered. Perhaps he would know the answer. “Chinen?” You asked, fingers fumbling together idly. “Do you know who Keito is?”

An eyebrow raised. “Eh, Keito?” He repeated the name to himself, then twice more. At last, the overseer shook his head. “He doesn’t sound familiar.” The doors to the castle opened with a loud creak, and Chinen stood by as he waited for you to enter first.

“Oh.” Hands flopping down to your sides, you were only becoming more convinced of your impending insanity. How long had you been in this clan? Three hundred? Nearly four hundred years? When one lived for so long, time flew by quickly enough that you just didn’t count the years. To the Master, you were still a young vampire, but it seemed like age was creeping up on you.

Standing in the candle lit corridor, the vampire once again turned a suspecting eye towards you. “You’re not running off to spend time with strange people are you? Even vampires from other clans are off limits. You shouldn’t be interacting with them. You’re still young, therefore your emotions aren’t stable.”

What usually served as nag now served as slight comfort. That’s right, you were still a young creature. Those fluctuating emotions were likely the reason why you were hallucinating.

At least, you hoped that was the case.

“There you are!”

Someone else shouted your name and, for a second, you’d thought you had won some popularity contest. Hands grabbed at your arm before you could even see the assailant, your eyes blinking repeatedly as they were confronted with the vision of Musubu*; the small, bob-haired, girl impatiently pulling your body forward to walk with her instead of the overseer.

“Musubu, what’s the rush?” You couldn’t help but smile.

She shot a glare back at Chinen, to which the man rolled his eyes before going off on his own business. “I don’t like him. Call it a feeling.” Was her stubborn answer. She hurried you through the halls, the empty and vast halls of the castle.

There were far too few in the clan currently, and it gave off a lonely feeling. Often, you’d wonder when The Master would induct new vampires into the clan. Although, that seemed to be once every blue moon. Whoever The Master was, they seemed to be happy with how the current clan was developing and left things alone. You’d never even met him once, while Chinen and Nozomu said that they met with him a lot.

“Chinen’s...alright.” Those of authority weren’t people that you chose to hang around with, so you truly didn’t know him well. He had his moments, though. You caught a cute smile on his face a time or two, had seen him joking with other members. Other than that, Chinen was a mystery. “He’s fair. I’ve never even seen him use that riding crop on anyone!” You tried to defend.

The young vampire only sent you a wary glance before a smile of her own appeared and she laughed it off. The parlor her apparent destination, sounds in the distance increasing. The large room was as lively as ever, being the gathering place of many in the clan.

Slam!

“Woah!” A force knocked into your back and you fell over on the stone floor.

Musubu gasped, bending down to help you up. Footsteps rushed to the other side and you noticed a head of curly hair from the corner of your eye, knowing who the perpetrator was immediately.

“Sorry, sorry!” Daiki bowed several times as he help you on your feet, a lopsided grin on his face. You should’ve known. Everyone knew that Daiki’s emotions flew off the wall more than anyone else’s in the clan. It wasn’t strange to see him running around somewhere like a kid.

You didn’t have the chance to answer before Musubu did, crossing her arms as she gave a sharp quip. “Head in the clouds again?” It was all in good jest though, the three of you on good terms. Daiki just gave a laugh and a shrug in return, while Musubu suddenly pinched her nose. “Ugh. Did you forget to shower?!”

“Eh?” Daiki shook his head before raising his arms, taking a sniff. “What are you going on about? I don’t smell, you’re just making up stuff.” The man mumbled, newly insecure. He raised a hand to his nose, still not leaving the problem alone.

He was going to be doing that all day now.

Checking the white fabric of your outfit for any blemishes, you were glad to find none and only then decided to let the man off the hook. “It’s fine, Daichan.” You dismissed, dusting yourself off. “Just be sure to watch out next time. If it were an overseer you bumped into, you’d be in trouble.”

The thought of the overseers brought your mind back to earlier. Back to your hallucination. “Hey, guys...” You continued, hesitantly this time. “Do any of you know someone named Keito?”

“Keito?” They both mimicked.

“Mm, nope!” Musubu held her hands up. “Where’d you hear that?”

Your mouth scrunched up, this mystery beginning to bug you. “It’s just someone that I had a dream about.” A dream that wasn’t a dream.

Daiki gasped, and before you knew it he was in your personal space; leaning in as if he were about to hear the juiciest secret in the world. “You’re not cheating on Yamachan in your dreams, are you? Now I want to know who this Keito is too.” He gave a taunting grin, an elbow now resting casually on your shoulder.

“I’m not!” You defended, shrugging him off before sighing. “It wasn’t that kind of dream. It was just a normal dream where I was talking to him.” A light went off in your head. “He even mentioned...”

A sharp intake of air came from you this time, wondering why you hadn’t thought to ask your boyfriend sooner. Ryosuke, he probably knew who Keito was!

Daiki and Musubu looked on, still confused over who exactly you were talking about, when you turned to leave -- right before colliding with a hard body that stood in the way.

Your eyes closed shut from the impact. Gentle hands took your shoulders to steady the blow, while your own hands instinctively went to whatever they could grab. It happened to be the person’s sleeves. When your lids fluttered open once again, you could almost thank fate for the fast delivery. It was the very vampire who’d been on your mind; Ryosuke.

He cast a teasing smile. “Are you turning into Daichan on us? What’s wrong?”

The indignant ‘hey’ from Daiki went ignored as you rested your hands on his arms. You gathered your wits before wasting no time in asking the question burning on your mind. “Ryosuke,” You watched his face perk in curiosity. “Do you know who Keito is?”

He said nothing, brows knitting as he thought on the question. As the time passed, you could feel the last string of hope breaking as he finally shook his head no. “I don’t recall anyone named Keito, and I’d like to think that I know everyone here.” His hands slipped from your shoulders to take your own. “Where did you hear that name?”

“I...” You were about to truthfully answer before a certain little vampire popped up from in between your interlocked hands, grinning mischievously. “Musubu!” You laughed at the interruption.

“You guys were getting too lovey dovey. Can’t you keep your hands off each other for two seconds? It’s gross.” She snorted, making a face when Ryosuke ruffled her hair.

His face was slightly pink, nearly forgetting that the two of you were in public when he held your hands. Public affection wan’t necessarily something that he favored either. Call him caught up in the moment. Nevertheless, he tried to brush it off. “Sorry about that, Suu-chan. It’s just, uh...when you’re older, you’ll understand. Okay?”

“Don’t forget about me!” Daiki had an arm for both your and Ryosuke’s shoulders, not wanting feel left out of whatever was going on.

Ryosuke paid him no mind, looking to both you and Musubu. “I’m hungry, are you guys hungry?”

“Oi!” Daiki gave him a glare.

A bell rang out in the parlor, Chinen and Nozomu coming from the kitchen door. Chinen had the bell, while Nozomu held several vials of red liquid in each hand. The latter began to distribute them out, making sure that everyone got one.

“It’s time for your medicine, everyone.” Chinen announced. More vampires herded in and formed a line. “No cutting in line! Everyone line up patiently, single file.”

Giving Daiki a playful tap on the cheek, Ryosuke made a few steps towards the line before turning to face the three of you. “Guess we should go get our minds right, then.” He joked, smile bright as sunshine. His gaze flashed to you and he waited until Musubu and Daiki left to get in line before speaking up again. “You can tell me about this Keito later. I’ll be all ears.”

You nodded. Still, at the end of the day, nothing was settled. Eyes trailing to the floor, you noticed a shoe untied and urged the other on. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

He agreed, making his way to the line as you bent down to tie your shoelaces. Your mind was a muddled mess. Never in the centuries that you lived did you ever hallucinate. Why now? Who on earth was Keito? How come he knew Ryosuke, but Ryosuke didn’t know him? All of the answers that came made you seem insane. And, you didn’t want to be one of those vampires.

“You’re not crazy.”

Your ears perked at the quiet voice behind you, turning your head to see a brunette standing above only a few feet away. Mirai. You stood as well, eyes wide. You had never heard the young woman speak to anyone before. Especially not to you. “I’m sorry, did you say something?” You asked, not quite sure if you heard right.

Her gaze was intimidating, steady, though something soft lingered behind. Something understanding. In the next moment, she was right beside you; facing forward while you still faced back. Her next words were said slower; a point trying to come through. “In these days to come, you need to be aware. Don’t be afraid to believe what you see.” She urged.

“Mirai...”

Her head turned slightly, towards you, and she noticed Ryosuke take a glimpse behind himself to search for you. In the distance, you could hear Musubu wonder the same. Mirai continued.

“You saw Keito, didn’t you? In front of the castle?”

You pivoted, hair bouncing along as you now stared at her with an open mouth. Was she around during that time? “I-I did...Do you know something about him?”

Noticing the strays that weren’t yet lining up, Chinen raised his voice. “Those who refuse to take their medicine will be punished!” He slapped the riding crop to his leg, watching as a few more rushed to the line. Now, his stern sight was upon you and Mirai.

Mirai titled her head forward, motioning you along slowly. “He wasn’t a hallucination, nor a dream.” The vampire’s facial expression didn’t change a bit as she spoke to you. “You knew him...All of us did.”

She suddenly stopped in her tracks, pointing to another line for you to go. You stepped away, though were hesitant as more questions came. “How do you know this?” Was the main one.

Her lips formed a tight line, as if she were trying to smile but hadn’t done so in years. Perhaps she really didn’t. Mirai was someone that people often ignored or teased for being solitary. She was always alone, with her nose in a book. Eventually, the attempt at a smile was given up and she only spoke.

“I remembered. You will too.”

Ending Song: “Forget Me Not” -- Lyrics

Non-HSJ Cast List:

Funaki Musubu -- Member of ANGERME / Country Girls

Shida Mirai -- Actress

Kotaki Nozomu -- Member of Johnny’s West

Notes:

*white shoes -- everyone in the clan wears white only

[prose-for-hire]

A rose between two thorns

Pairing: Spike x fem!reader; Angel x fem!reader

Request: Not requested. Been sitting in my drafts forever I wasn’t sure about posting. Reader works at Wolfram and Hart and knew Angel and Spike from Sunnydale. They’re both vying for reader’s affections but the pair soon find out her attention is elsewhere.

A/N: S5 Angel. Spike and Angel in a pissing contest over someone? Say it ain’t so. Reader is popular with men lol. Also, I’d say Spangel was subtext, but it’s just plain text really.

You noticed something was off as soon as you came in that morning. There was an unusual vibe, which, was saying something seeing as you worked at a mystical law firm. You had taken over PA duties from Harmony, considering Angel and the others trusted you a bit more than her. You were human, but you had faced anything the Hellmouth had thrown at you with the others you met in high school. You had been there at the final battle of Sunnydale, just about surviving and then moving to LA to become a receptionist. Which had been the job you had kept applying for without luck when you lived in Sunnydale. Sometimes, life does have a way of working itself out even though you might have to stake a few uber vampires or sell your soul to a mystical law firm for it to happen.

You caught Fred hissing something to Angel before leaving his office, smiling at you kindly before she left. She also stopped and pulled on Spike’s sleeve and brought him down to her lab with her, leaving you waving your good morning greeting. You went through your usual routine, eventually walking up to Angel’s office, knocking first before smiling at him, a newspaper, some files and a mug of blood in your hands.

“Hey, I’ve got the files you asked for and I warmed your blood up to the temperature you like” You smile pleasantly, setting the items down, you were really grateful to Angel for giving you a job. He had always been nice to you (apart from that brief period in high school where he tried to violently kill you). “Thanks, y/n, what would I do without you, huh?” “Probably getting double-crossed by Harmony given half the chance” You smiled and he laughed a little too hard at your flippant comment. It shocked you, his face rarely twisted into a smile let alone a real laugh. You smiled along, a little perplexed at his change in attitude. “How you doin’ then? I mean adjusting- you know, outside the Hellmouth” “It’s been okay, it’s surprisingly similar here. Kind of a home from home” You smiled as he nodded along, as if he were being given guidance from an invisible director on how to visibly show how interested he was. If you were honest, it was a bit weird, “Are you okay Angel?” “yeah- why? What’s up? Have I- are you comfortable?” “Um, I’m at work, so comfort isn’t really the main reason I’m here… mostly I come in to see your face” You joked, grinning at him as he smiled a little. He noticed you were trying to put him at ease and realised he had probably come across a bit strange.

You walked back out of the office smiling as Angel watched you walk out, mentally face-palming. His luck with potential partners had been pretty hopeless and you made him nervous in a way he wasn’t really used to. Fred had enough of him skirting around you so had given him non-negotiable advice. She told him to be kind, listen and to make sure he showed a genuine interest. 

You sat down, sifting through paperwork and trying to keep yourself away from the half-read magazine under your desk that you liked to sneak glances at when Angel was out. You were interrupted from looking busy by a British accent.

“Alright, pet? That’s a very pretty outfit you got on, it new?” Spike asked, leaning over your desk as he waited for word from the others on the latest case. He enjoyed spending time with you though, he had tried all his best lines out on you so he had resorted to just complimenting anything about you he could find.

“No, you’ve seen me in this before” You reminded him, pressing hold on a few calls. He tried to recall, a frown on his face, “That time you could walk about in the sun? I was going to a job interview - you tried to bite me and you told me I looked like a meringue” you reminded him.

“See? I even liked it then” He offered.

“You were being rude then, Spike. But thanks for the compliment, I appreciate it – really” You assured him, noticing his furrow as he thought back to how he had been before he got his soul. Angel saw Spike talking to you through the glass of his office. He groaned, knowing that Spike was trying to sweet talk you again. He got frustrated when Spike muscled in on the people he was interested in. You enjoyed the attention you got from them both, but it started to get a bit annoying when you were all in the same room. They tended to actually ignore you for each other, always trying to out-do the other. It was tiring and it distracted you from your work, but you couldn’t help still being fond of them both when you could speak to them normally. Spike had been talking and you were smiling along, he had a good sense of humour and he had been making jokes about some of the people walking past that made you snort loud. He grinned at this, segueing into what he had really wanted to ask.

“You got plans tonight then, love? ‘Cause I was thinkin-” Spike started, but Angel had come up behind him to interrupt his advances.

“Stop bothering my employees, Spike. Y/n’s very busy”

“Yeah, she’s been holding all your calls. Takes a lot out of our girl pressing buttons all day, I was thinking I’d treat her later-”

For some reason, both of them became double confident when they were together in the room, despite them both being weirdly reserved around you recently. There was a tension and both of them were competing together. Enjoying the competition more than your company, it seemed. You tuned their squabbling out, a talent that should come in your job description as you started to type up a few notes from a case.

“You know he used to parade around in an SS jacket?” Angel cut in, crossing his arms and standing nearer to you behind your desk. Spike glared at him.

“Yes, I heard when I was tied up almost choking to death – this job should really come with better health insurance”

“Oh, uh, yeah, I can look into it” Angel suddenly said, straightening up and remembering he was actually your boss.

“Don’t think you can get in her knickers just by flashing your big CEO title around and get her better health insurance” Spike warned, turning to you briefly to assure you that, “I can get you health insurance, love, just tell me where to point my game face”

“Excuse me, into my what?” Your eyes widened, it had been escalating but this was just rude. This is where you worked.

“Not now, Y/n, Spike’s being an idiot for, oh, the hundredth consecutive year of his un-life” You glared at them both, took your jacket and left to go and vent to someone in a different department. This was typical. Fighting over you as if you were some prize to be won. They like you but apparently, they were more interested in each other. You were just their most recent way to get one over on the other and make the tension almost unbearable.

You only returned late afternoon having avoided the vampires for the rest of the day. Angel and Spike looked a bit embarrassed as they saw you slamming angel’s mug on his desk, splattering blood on one of his files. Spike came into the office and the three of you looked at each other in an icy silence. They both opened their mouths at the same time, then stopped realising the other was going to speak. “I need to leave early is that okay?” You ask before they tried to apologise again. “Yeah, sure. Why?” Angel asked. “I’ve got a date” you shrugged, walking out with them both staring after you. They watched you through the glass and saw Gunn come up behind you and ask if you were ready to go. You smiled as he asked about your day with a genuine interest, listening to what you had been up to. You chatted and you even giggled a little and the vampires scowled at the way you seemed to light up in a way neither of them had been able to get out of you.

“What the bloody hell has Dr franken-chip got that we don’t!?” Spike muttered referring to the upgrade Gunn had to become a lawyer, “If I’d known that’s what she was into I’d have kept mine in a sodding jar and brought her home on the promise of touching it”

“Spike. Stop” Angel warned as they both watched you leave, Gunn’s hand on the small of your back.

“No, I mean it! What does he have!?”

“A life?” Angel sighed, before stating, “This is good. I’m happy for them”

“No you’re bloody not, Mr tall dark and forehead has to look for another chit to obsess over now”

“You’re one to talk, Spike. I found the poems you wrote” He muttered.

“You bloody git-” Spike started but Angel had already stalked out of his office to get to one of his cars before Spike could catch up to him. Spike started to follow him out before he could get much of a head-start though. How come through everything it was always each other they ended up with at the end of the day?

[sacha-fallen-human]

I’ll Bring You with Me

Prompt by and for the fireplace contest, done by myself.

Closing my car’s door behind me, I took place in the driver’s seat, dropping a box next to me. My hair was sticking to my face and I was so glad that my hair wasn’t dyed yet. I don’t want to stain my car with red spot. I took a moment to relax, breathing deeply and listening to the pitter-patter of the rain. The truth is I love rain, it’s so powerful and it make me realise each time that I’m alive. I always want to just go and dance in it, sing about it, but I can’t afford to get even more wet right now. Maybe another day.

I finally bring my attention to the box. My parents were doing their spring cleaning and they found a bunch of my things, apparently forgotten there when I moved. To be honest I don’t think they are really important but it gave me a reason to visit my parents and to steal one or two of their muffin. I just wish That the rain would have waited until I could get the box inside of my car. It’s all wet and I kind of worry about the things inside of it.

I don’t actually know what is inside. It’s a mystery to be solved soon, but my mom looked very happy with herself. I consider starting my car and driving back to my apartment before opening it for half a minute but I’m far from a patient person. My parents’ house is on the other side of the street; I realise I could have just stayed inside in the first place. It would probably have been far more comfortable but I don’t want to risk getting the box in a worse state. Also because I’m lazy and don’t want to run back there but yeah.

I reach to open the box, ready to finally know what my parent found when my phone start to ring. “fucking hell” I say softly to myself. I reach for it and check who is calling. It’s my sister. I seriously consider answering but then I decide against it. I refuse the call, text her I’m busy right now, to tell me by text if she need anything or I’ll call her later.

I wait almost one minute for her to answer but she doesn’t so I pick a song to play softly in the background, not too much volume just enough to fill the silence, then place my phone on the dashboard. Now that that’s dealt with, time to bring my focus back on the mysterious box. I love resolving mysteries and I can’t help but smile as I open the lid. Inside of it sit a deep blue book, a game of tarot, a black notebook, three… no four sketch book, some pictures and a bunch of other things. I stare in wonder all of them. I take the blue book and delicately drop it in my laps as I read the title out loud, with a small voice; “They both die at the end”.

I take a moment to just look at the front page. After a moment the silence break. “This book was so great!” I suddenly freeze in my track, and I can feel a shiver down my spin. Because it definitely wasn’t me who spoke. That voice is a bit more singsong and a lot less rough than mine, yet it feels so familiar.

I turn around sharply, looking at the back seats and there I see something I was not ready to witness. There sat someone who look exactly like what I used to when I was a teenager. Wait, actually it’s literally a younger me. We have the same face, his hair is a pale blue and he’s wearing a big hoodie that engulf him. He looks like he just heard my most embarrassing secret, as if he knew something about me that I didn’t. I stare in his eyes for a while, holding my breath.

“Hey.” He said to me, looking like he was talking to a frighten animal. I mean to be honest, I was actually scared. It’s not everyday your younger self materialises in your car. I broke our eye contact to touch with precaution his legs. My hand passed trough so I finally let myself take a breath. I can deal with hallucination or ghost, but a real human who look like what I used to and who broke in my car would have been something else.

“I have a lot of question but first is; Are you here to kill me?” I said looking at him suspiciously.

He had the audacity to laugh at me. Gosh, I used to look like that when I laughed? “Don’t worry, I could never kill someone as beautiful as me” Did he flirt or was that a joke? Probably both knowing myself. “But seriously, don’t worry about the fact I’m here. I’m just…” he moved his hands as if that would help him find the answer. “A manifestation of your nostalgia. Yeah that sound good. Also you should stop pulling all-nighters non-stop. This is what happen when you don’t take care of yourself.” I was about to protest saying that I had things to finish that could not wait but then I realised I was talking to myself. So first; He already knew. Second; He was right. “Like seriously I can’t believe you ended up like that. You used to tell everyone to start a healthy sleep schedule. What happened?”

I just shrugged, unable to create an answer that would satisfy myself. He seemed to understand it and just smiled a bit sadly at me. “Anyway, I guess I should just accept this adventure and keep doing what I was doing or…?” I let the words hanging knowing that he would finish with what he wanted if my first guess was wrong.

“I think it would be more like a journey since you won’t have to fight anything or risk your life but yeah, just…keep looking at the things in the box.” He said smiling to me and bringing my attention back to the book in my laps with a nod of his head. “Remember how much this book affected you? You really wanted to live like every moment was the last after reading it.”

I smiled to myself, turning the page slowly, not even reading the words. I was just reminiscing about the old day. For a whole week after finishing it, all I wanted to do was find a stranger at my school and do something, anything. To just be free to do what I wanted with someone new. I never got around to it, unfortunately. It did change how I saw things in life though. I had no time to hate myself, no time to bother with people that weren’t interesting enough or would be bad for me. I didn’t have time to care about who like me and who didn’t. Sure, it still scared me and I couldn’t just change my whole mindset in one week but I just decide that I would try not to change my actions in functions of the “haters”. I don’t owe anyone my precious time. Except my mom because, let’s be honest, I wouldn’t have any time in the first place without her.

“I don’t think I managed to do that as much as I would have like to but I don’t think I did bad either.” I said softly to the weird passenger in my car. I heard a small breathy laugh coming from behind me. I looked at him and told him with a smile I couldn’t repress; “What? You think you’ll do better?” we both shared a smile at that. The way he smiles was identical to mine except for the fact that I didn’t have my “vampire” teeth anymore. It’s still weird to see myself sitting in the back seat of my car, don’t get me wrong, but this wasn’t as weird as it probably should be. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep and the fact I’ve always kind of talked to myself that gave me a strange sense of normality in this moment.

He stretched to look in the box, curiosity clear on his face. He looked at me like he just discovered a treasure. Maybe it was. He spoke with such joy in his voice. “Do you still keep a bullet journal? It was so fun and we were so good! I wonder if you do it a different way now.” I smiled back at him, a bit sad. The thing is, I didn’t anymore. I had kept it up for a long time but then I stopped at one point in my life. I can’t remember why exactly.

I reached into the box to take the notebook and started to look at pages and pages of planning and drawings. They were filled with everything that would go trough my head at that time. I didn’t write about my feelings in it or anything (except two page about one of my crush. After that I had decided to never do others like that again since I had to look at them even after the rejection). I had a lot of portrait of myself, calendar and ideas in it. I looked at my younger self and said looking in his eyes; “I guess I could try to do that again soon.” He gave me a look. You know that look when you just know that the person you’re talking to is probably not going to do it. My mom used to give me the same ones when she would ask me to do some chores. “I’ll go buy a notebook on my way back home.” He finally smiled to me again.

After a moment of content silence, me reading more pages and him looking at a couple walking under the same umbrella a bit further down the road, I closed the journal and putted it on the dashboard close to my phone. I looked at what was left in my box, my new friend looking over my shoulder. The tarot game was what caught my attention.

“Oh my god. Remember how cool it was to tell people you could read their future? It was super helpful to get friends. We only did readings for us when we were crushing on someone. You should do a reading later tonight.” He said while sitting back in his seat. I was about to take one of my sketchbook but I decided against it.

“hey, we’ve been here for a while we should probably get back to my apartment now.” His smile dropped a bit. “We can keep looking trough my things then, ok?” I look back at him and he smile at me with that same damn smile he had on when he appeared earlier. I gave him one back and start the engine. I change the music and turn the volume up.

On the way home, I’ll stop looking behind me. I’ll sing along with the music, hearing another voice scream the lyrics with me. I’ll stop on my way to buy a new bullet journal, picking the one with the brightest color. To make it a clear contrast with my first one. I’ll go back in my car and look in the mirror to find blue eyes watching me in wonder.  

Later, I’ll be back home and when I finally look behind me I’ll be alone in the car. No friend or hallucination smiling at me from the back seat. I mean, I guess there never was someone. I’ll give a sad smile toward the space he use to occupy and then bring the box inside my home. I’ll look trough all of the sketchbook, comparing with how my art look now. I’ll start making the first page of my new journal, after finding all of my pens. I’ll understand just how much I’ve grown and I’ll fall in love a bit more with myself, my heart filling with pride and love for the person I was and who I became. I’ll put the pictures that were sitting in the bottom of the box on my fridge, near the drawings of my nephew. I’ll try on these big earrings that I used to wear. Maybe I’ll go to sleep with my cheeks wet but this time not because of someone who broke my heart; Just because I was overwhelmed with good feelings for the first time in a while. I’ll be hugging my pillow and saying in the quiet of the night these words; “I’m sorry I left you behind.”

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Gormless Wrap-Up

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband.  In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England.  Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag.  She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon.  He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok.  Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything.  Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government.  She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.

So here are my final thoughts on the book Changeless for those interested in such things:

Once again the big problem/perk of the story is the consistent frivolousness of it all.  The book is much more interested in its supposed comedy of manners than the last.  This comedy of manners mostly boils down to lol Ivy is stupid, and look at how uptight everyone is.  For the most part it’s just not that clever and more often than not I’m just rolling my eyes at it.  I will say this book is funnier than the last one.  There are a few jokes that are just so dumb, they do hit me in a good way.

However it’s kinda frustrating when nobody seems to care about the overarching plot at all.  Like there is an active shooter in the castle and they all just shrug and go to dinner and later bed.  For me personally, and I don’t know if people would disagree with me on this…when I pick up a supernatural action/comedy/romance.  I’m kinda there for the action, and hoping to enjoy it being peppered with a fun romance and silly comedy.  Not for the action to show up once every 3 chapters, and most of it is a couple of unlikable buttholes being belligerently horny at one another and a dumb character off in the corner going, “Duhhh what does this button do?” The action at the center should be propelling the rest of the story but rather it just feels as if it was an afterthought.

But I mean…at least I find the comedy funny a few times, I did not find the action at the center compelling at fucking all.  The ~who dun it spy~ antagonist was painfully easy to guess.  She does a piss poor job at structuring the suspense and wastes a lot of obvious opportunities for drama.  The few dramatic moments we do get I spend the time going, “that makes no sense” rather than, “WILL THEY MAKE IT OUT ALIVE?!”  Part of this issue comes down to the fact the book wants you to miss out on feeling the ~BAD~ emotions.   You’re not allowed to be sad, scared, or confused as to the right course of action. ONLY HORNY AND LAUGHING! ONLY HORNY AND LAUGHING!  Not only are we missing out on feelings that could make one more deeply invested in the characters and story…but there are moments that should be sad or scary and instead are just powered through with oblivious humor, which makes the lead characters seem monstrously callous or thick as pig shit.

Alexia was kinda a plucky idiot last book.  This book her utter lack of human empathy and kindness makes her harder and harder to root for.

Maccon’s asshole-osity becomes increasingly apparent.  He has a very bad case of hypocrisy in this book.  He refuses to share basic information with his wife but gets seething mad when she doesn’t tell him much less vital information. It’s really not hot or the sign of a good leader that his tactic for dealing with people is mostly intimidation, with a pinch of violence, and that he was seriously considering hurting his wife over listening to her. The only thing he puts effort into is trying to have sex with his wife, and he really should have a few things higher on his god damn list.  And honestly? He doesn’t really do much for this story at all. Alexia does all the plot lifting on her own.  The only thing he contributes to is the ending, and it casts him in an incredibly dark light.  And yanno it just sucks to know that he’s going to be forgiven for it and probably for as little as a “My bad.”  

I continue to find the Alexia/Maccon relationship beyond irritating but at least there were a couple of moments were they genuinely seem to connect in an intimate way, which were absent from the last book.  To be clear I am not conflating intimacy with sex when I use the word.  The two of them are most definitely not equals in the relationship. I wouldn’t classify the relationship as abusive, but best case scenario it’s not equal and worst case scenario it’s quite unhealthy with Maccon holding most of the cards.  But…I mean I can see why somebody would find their pissing contests entertaining.  But for me they’re child-adults who can’t speak to one another outside of annoyed sighs and dry humping.  Their banter is just not sexy or funny to me.

The Ivy and Tunstell subplot drama doesn’t work well at all.  The story outright tells you it doesn’t really care about it.  And the way it moves forward is clunky as all get out.  In particular when they just make-out out of nowhere.  I know they were trying to reconcile with how Tunstell saved her…than let that be the event that catapults them back together.  Let Ivy look up into Tunstell’s eyes after the rescue and breath, “….You saved me…and after all those awful things I said about you.”

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh who cares!?

Speaking of which we get a lot more out of Ivy this book than last and I’m just not impressed with it.  I predicted that Ivy was going to be the comic relief dumb friend.  That Alexia would keep her around for her own ego and just be condensing to her the entire time.  Last book we didn’t get that. THIS BOOK WE GET WHAT I PREDICTED IN SPAAAAAAAAADES! Ivy is not framed as lovable, and not even for a second does Alexia interact with Ivy outside of irritated condensation she hides with a snide quip.  Sure Alexia can be snarky toward her, and Ivy frustrated but there is no affection from either of them.

I’M HONESTLY NOT SURE IF ALEXIA IS CAPABLE OF SUCH A THING!

LeFoux was cool though, even though there was no reason why she had to lie about Maccon asking her to keep Alexia safe.  And like the thing about their two dads knowing each other is interesting but honestly there’s probably nothing more to it.  I’m not a big fan of Alexia sexually assaulting her for no reason, or how Alexia needed it explained to her that lesbians are real.  But like, I’m glad the story is getting gay.

I’m kinda confused why Channing was even here?  She OPENS THE BOOK with a conflict about this character and then nothing of import comes out of him or the situation at all.  The whole team up with Biffy and Lyall sub-sub-sub plot should either not have even been in the book at all or there should have been significant more effort made to make their antics increase the drama for the main plot.  I suspect Channing is going to be more plot important next book.  AKA the next Angelique.  

Just like last book the antagonist is super weak.  I mean you could argue that she wasn’t revealed as the big bad until the 2nd to last chapter, you couldn’t build on her much…however her spy antics were throughout the book and none of it is very compelling. There could have easily had a better confrontation.  That Alexia confronts Angelique about spy stuff, and Angelique breaks out crocodile tears explaining, “NO it was LEFOUX!  I’m so sorry my lady, I couldn’t stop her!”And for a second Alexia questions it and hesitates but in that moment of hesitation BLAMO! STAB IN THE BACK! We should have had that stark contrast between her meek diligent servant persona and what a manipulative conniving bitch she’s supposed to be.  Make that betrayal FELT you know?

TL;DR

What’s good?

This book is more humorous than the last.  Again it’s just that NO-BUMMERS train chugging past a lot of dumb jokes in a steam-powered train straight into werewolf-fuckville.  The story getting gayer is enjoyable, and I have genuinely not read a het romance that teases any lesbianism. (Though I don’t read many het romances anyway.)  Despite my distaste for a lot of the characters and how this is all written, LeFoux was genuinely a lot of fun!  Her flirtations were WAY sexier than anything Alexia/Maccon had…but I don’t know if that’s cause I’m gayer than I am straight WHOOPS!  I will say that I think the pacing of the action in this book was better than the 1st.  Also the ending, despite me not caring for the characters, was a pretty good gut-punch.

And let’s be honest, in a trilogy the middle book is the hardest to pull off.

What’s bad?

Everything falls apart on any kind of base analysis.  The story spends way too much time holding your hand on stupid details like the current state of LeFoux’s dimples or is that other hot werewolf, who’s not plot relevant at all, still hot?  The mystery aspect was easily guessed, the plot does not hold water, and if you take a step back from any of these characters…most of them are completely distasteful.  Also this one featured much more open racism and sexism.  So booooooooooo. Would not recommend.

[the-burning-tiger]

Magnus’ Eurovision Soiree

So in honour of Eurovision I thought I’d repost this….hope you enjoy…

or read on A03

It had all started so innocently. They had been lying on the sofa in the loft just watching some nonsense tv show when Magnus had suggested it. How about a little soirée ? His exact words. That probably should have been a hint. You know to celebrate you moving in…just a few close friends. It had sounded fine and as he knew his boyfriend loved to throw parties it seemed mean to say no, not that he was any good at refusing anything to his wonderful warlock.

Alec remembered the look of absolute joy on the warlock's face as he grabbed for his phone to check dates. The mischievous glint in Magnus’ eye when he selected the date may also have been a clue that a quiet night wasn't really on the cards.

Magnus had suggested a themed evening, excited that in little over a month there was a annual singing contest in Europe that would be perfect for a get together. Apparently it was called the Eurovision Song Contest and was incredibly popular with loads of countries in Europe and even some not (Australia and Israel had been invited) all getting involved, and Magnus had pointed out as Idris was technically in Europe it was high time the Shadowhunters got involved.

How bad could it be? I mean some nice music in the background and Magnus had sworn he'd just invite a few people. He had finally settled on a very select group. First of all Izzy, Clary, Jace and Lydia were obviously on the list and if they were coming then Simon had to come and with him Raphael and Lily. Magnus had insisted that seeing as there were vampires coming for courtesy’s sake he had to have a couple of werewolves so Maia and Bat were invited as well. Then Magnus old friends Catarina and Tessa completed the group. Hardly anyone. It would be fine.

Except, as often happened the list kept getting longer, first it was some seelies (after all it would be rude not too) then a few more of the vampire clan and some more of Luke's pack. It was soon apparent that this was going to be less of a soirée and more of an out and out party.

Still Alec didn't worry too much.

Alec had started to feel a little trepidation when he had seen the invites which were unsurprisingly very glittery..

Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood

Cordially invite you to celebrate

The musical spectacular that is

The Eurovision Song Contest

Fancy dress mandatory Come representing your favourite European country

He had felt then that things were getting somewhat out of control. But seriously how bad could a singing contest be … Right?

The next few weeks had passed in somewhat of a blur although despite the fact that he'd been pretty busy at the institute he couldn't help but notice that Magnus was spending an inordinate amount of time planning the perfect themed nibbles and researching drinks from around the world. It was, to be fair nice to see him so excited. It was, however slightly worrying when the warlock roped in Izzy and Clary to help with the arrangements. It became a regular occurrence to find the pair of them giggling conspiratorially in corners, although they assured Alec that it would be a fabulous evening. Apparently Magnus had shown them clips of previous shows to give them the inspiration, which was odd as every time Alec had asked him the warlock had insisted everything was in hand and not to worry.

A week before the party it seemed that everyone was obsessed with talking about what their costumes would be. Izzy had told Clary and Lydia excitedly that Simon was going to simply die when he saw what she was wearing and Alec had to stop himself from pointing out that as the vampire was already technically already dead it wouldn't be that hard. He still had no clue what he would be wearing, Magnus had assured him he had it all under control and not to worry and he hoped that the warlock had been joking when he'd mentioned lederhosen.

On the morning of the party the loft was a flurry of activity. Magnus was overseeing the instillation of a large amount of ginormous flat screen TVs and a spectacular sound system, whilst Clary and Isabelle were decorating every available inch of the loft with bunting and flags assisted by a very disgruntled looking Jace. Every available surface was filled with exotic delicacies, French snails jostled for position next to Swedish meatballs, German sauerkraut and Swiss fondue and many others that Alec didn't recognise. Magnus had set up an equally impressive bar area with drinks themed by country, Russian vodka, Greek ouzo, Italian grappa and many more. Beside the bar there was a stack of laminated cards, Alec picked one up to examine it more closely. There in bold letters was the title “Eurovision Song Contest Drinking Game Rules” followed by a list of instructions..

Fireworks…drink Wind machine …drink Costume change…drink Key change…drink

The list was apparently endless.

Alec had started to realise far too late that the situation was getting rapidly out of hand and equally that there was no way to back out now.

So that was how Alec Lightwood came to be standing in his new home dressed as a Roman gladiator in the middle of raucous party and much as he hated to admit it enjoying himself immensely. Alec Lightwood. At a party. Having fun. Now who would have thought that was possible a year ago.

Alec leaned back against the bar feeling decidedly tipsy as he sipped on a martini and gazed around the scene before him.

He had started to get the idea that perhaps it was a bit more than a singing contest during the very glittery opening credits but it was only when the contest actually began that it became evident that this was possibly one of the most ridiculously camp things he had ever seen. There had been a plethora of different songs from the actually quite good to the deeply bizarre and within minutes the loft had been filled with people shouting

“Fireworks…drink”

“Costume change .. Drink”

From there things had rapidly degenerated. Apparently now they were well in to the voting and quite frankly Alec didn't have the foggiest idea what was going on or in fact who was winning. Magnus had cranked up the music once the singing was over and medley of classic Eurovision songs was playing.

Alec smiled as he watched his sister dance sinuously around a quite frankly stunned looking Simon. His sister of course was an excellent dancer but her extremely provocative French maid outfit was certainly helping. Even Raphael, dressed in a resplendent matador outfit had almost cracked a smile.

The middle of the loft was filled with people dancing and he caught a glimpse of Clary's red hair flying around as she whirled around hand in hand with Lydia. Lydia's blonde hair was in thick plaits to complement her Swiss maid outfit and she was glowing with happiness. It was more than Alec could have hoped for.

Over in the corner Jace and a young werewolf.. Jordan was it… were first bumping like old friends which was funny considering that not half an hour earlier they were arguing over whether that was actually a key change in the Greek song.

“Sweden 12 points…drink” the shout went up

Closely followed by a very drunk Jace, in full Viking regalia, exclaiming loudly that he was Denmark obviously not Sweden but then drinking anyway.

As the music changed to pump out the pure euro pop strains of Gina G’s Ooh ahh just a little bit Alec noticed that Simon had broken out of his mesmerised state. He was clearly trying to do some very drunken Russian dancing to complement his Cossack outfit but despite having vampire strength was failing miserably and spending an inordinate amount of time landing heavily on his butt. Clary and Lydia had wandered over to watch and were laughing heavily, Clary's Greek laurel wreath headdress slightly wonky.

Alec felt someone lean heavily against his shoulder and looking down saw a slightly wobbly looking Lily looking up at him her smile wide and very fangy.

“Great party Alec..” She was slightly slurry and waving around a rather large glass of Bloody Mary… Emphasis on the bloody.

Despite her slightly inebriated state the vampire as always was immaculately dressed in a baby pink skirt suit.

“Hey Lily, missed the memo about fancy dress…” Alec admonished lightly

“It's vintage Coco Chanel darling..” She pouted back

Seeing Alec raising a questioning eyebrow Lilly was soon shouting across the room…

“Bane….. Bane … I love your boyfriend, I really do, but you simply must teach him something about fashion…..”

Magnus who was dancing with a group of Bavarian barmaid seelies looked across grinning broadly..

“Darling… It's a lost cause..” He shouted back winking at Alec.

Lily sighed dramatically and started to lecture Alec on the importance of Chanel. Alec wasn't really listening, the sight of his boyfriend was, as ever, captivating, the silver glitter in his hair sparkling in the light as he wove around the seelies. He was wearing a silver skin tight sequinned catsuit open to the waist showing off an expanse of polished bronze chest adorned with a wealth of necklaces. It occurred to Alec as Magnus sparkled under the party lights that he looked like a sexy mirror ball closely followed by the realisation that he was probably more drunk than he had realised.

Lily punched him firmly on the arm..

“So you see it's practically French national costume…”

“Huh”

“Oh you're hopeless..” She huffed “Fine… I'm going to rescue Raphael, at least he appreciates good dress sense”

As Lily sashayed off Alec overheard Maia’s friend and fellow werewolf Bat, who had been roped into DJ duty, announcing that the next one was for all you lovers out there in his most cheesy voice.

Magnus was practically flowing through the crowd towards him now, watching him was making Alec breathless. He stepped forward to gather the warlock in his arms as Johnny Logan’s Hold Me Now started to play. Alec ran his hands lightly down the warlock's sides.

“Remind me again which country your supposed to be” he teased gently “Well these sequins are rather like fish scales so.. Let's go with Finland” Magnus smiled mischievously looping his arms round his boyfriends neck.

“Cheater..”

“Always”

Alec pulled the warlock into a soft lingering kiss.

They rested their foreheads together as they swayed to the music together, Magnus’ ridiculously high platform boots making them almost the same height.

“So much for a quiet soirée ..” Alec murmured

“If I'd told you would you have wanted to do this…”

“Hmmm maybe not…”

“Are you having fun though..”

Alec pulled back a little and smiled at his boyfriend.

“Definitely …”

“I don't think you’re the only one” Magnus nodded his head to the right of them where a pinstriped suited Raj was currently entangled with a very handsome seelie knight.

“Raj.. Really…when did that happen…”

“Ah my boyfriend the trendsetter”

Magnus grinned at him wolfishly.

“We should do this more often …”

“Mags…”

The warlock threw his head back and shouted..

“Same time next year everyone?”

A huge cheer erupted .

“See they agree…” He smirked.

“You're impossible…”

Alec leaned in and kissed the warlock lightly.

“I love you Magnus Bane”

“I love you too.”

Magnus leant in to return the kiss, this time with more intent. The music was changing into something more upbeat as the warlock started to writhe against Alec fingers tangling in his hair. Alec broke free and growled softly into his boyfriends ear..

“I swear Magnus if you don't stop moving like that I'll have no choice but to drag you out of here and tear that catsuit off you..”

“Now that sounds like an excellent plan..” Magnus breathed starting to manoeuvre them away from the party “I'm sure everyone's far too busy to notice.”

The last thing Alec noticed before they bundled into the bedroom was Jace leering suggestively and giving him thumbs up.

As Magnus dragged him in for a hungry kiss Alec reflected that it had been an awesome night and, he thought it was about to get a hell of a lot better.