#i mean i won't yet probably but all NEW threads/asks/posts will use it

[ladyseidr]

i hope everyone understands that if/when i write older!Atre.us that i'm not a coward and he will have long hair

[joonipertree]

tags: fluff, just fluff, kenma being a #streamer. i love streamer kenma it scratches that itch in me that craves a parasocial kind of love.

"Kenmaaaa" you drawled while opening the door, leaning heavily against the doorframe of your boyfriend's office room.

It took you five seconds to register where Kenma was sitting, which was in front of the computer unsurprisingly, and the camera that had a red light on. The second monitor to his left was showcasing Kenma on the screen while the third one had an onslaught of comments popping up.

oh shi--

You jumped back, mostly out of surprise.

"Yes, honey?" Kenma spoke, one side of his headphones off as he turned towards you. "The camera won't pick up on you, don't worry."

You crept back in, feeling nervous even though the camera wasn't even on you.

"Sorry, I didn't realise you were streaming."

"Nothing to apologise for. What's up? Need me for something?" He urged you forward and you padded your way inside, the only comfort being in proximity to your boyfriend.

"I-uh- didn't feel like cooking so I thought we could order something?" You were halfway through your sentence when Kenma picked up his phone. He was nodding along, opening an app in it.

"What are you feeling?" He murmured, completely ignoring the eruption of comments blasting on his screen. There was a lot of yelling. You tried not to look at it but it drew you in, most of it was gibberish and question marks. You could make out the words 'WHAT' and 'DATING???' a lot.

"I'm not sure? Feeling indecisive today." You probably had an idea but it had vanished a couple of minutes back.

"Want burgers? Pizza?" Kenma didn't even seem to care at that point, solely focused on his phone. He did take a hold of your hand though, running his thumb through your knuckles.

THAT caught on camera and the gibberish got louder and faster.

"Burgers sound good." You snapped back to him, letting his hand ground you.

"That burger place you like?"

"Yes please."

"Honey mustard one?"

"Yes."

"Mh-hmmm." Kenma dragged out the sound before placing in his own order.

"Wanna get ice cream? Been craving it." He worked quick to add it in, knowing what you wanted but still asking in case you changed your mind.

"I can pay for the---"

"Shut the fuck up." Kenma murmured with only an upward glance at you, a small smile on his face when you pouted.

You finally took a look at the main monitor, a pretty sunset with the main character looking off into the distance on the screen. "What game you playin?"

"It's a fantasy game. Pretty new, haven't even started yet. You'd like it, it's very pretty." Kenma turned the monitor a bit so you could see it, pressing play so some more of the graphics would come on screen. You let out a little gasp, taking it all in.

When you realised that there were a lot of people waiting, you blinked out of your revery and threw an apologetic look at Kenma.

"Sorry, you were busy and--"

"Never too busy for you." Kenma murmured again and scooted towards you till he was just out of frame, his lips puckering up while he craned his neck upwards, too lazy to stand up.

You laughed and gave him a peck on the lips, then the nose and then the forehead. He grinned widely, adjusting back into the same position he was in before.

"I'll talk to you later, okay?" You call out and walk back.

"Okay, baby."

You were about to close the door when you head a very disgruntled, 'shut the fuck up.' from Kenma. Curious about what he would say, you listened in from the hallway.

"Yeah I am dating someone. No, I'm not saying their name....we've been dating for a while now. I am not soft for them....okay chat keep the screenshots between us....what do you mean they're already on twitter??? Ya'll are annoying. No, Kuroo I'm not buying you food. Yeah, they are special, dumbass."

You grinned so wide your cheeks hurt, already scrolling through twitter to see if people actually posted anything...

.....Kenma's name was trending

And oh the thread of pictures after pictures, of his eyes turning into liquid, his smile, the hand holding yours that. It was enough in the frame for his thumb to be seen. The person that posted it was SCREAMING about how soft he is.

Then there was a screenshot of him tilting his head upwards and your hair was the only thing that showed up as you kissed him. There was a fire hazard in the comments. It made you chortle. You saved all of them to use as leverage. Seeing as Kuroo was retweeting some of them, he had them too.

A/N: second day in a row im posting kenma hehehehehehhehehehhe hyperfixation tyme

[bomberqueen17]

assorted, and snippet

it is a rainy sunday. we had a glorious last-gasp-of-summer week, 70s and sunny and lovely, and then last night as the sun went down it suddenly got cold and is going to stay that way.

today's my late father's birthday. he'd've been 79 today. farmsister asked the family groupchat if we wanted to do anything special but like, what? no, so we're just having our normal sunday family dinner. she decided to make enchiladas because while the tomatoes are done, there are still tomatillos, so she's roasting those. i decided to thaw a pork butt and i'll make a sort of al pastor kind of pulled pork for the filling, later. but at the moment i'm out in my cabin, which is a disaster area and needs cleaning. but at the moment i'm just listening to the rain on the metal roof, and i have the propane stove on to get it up to room temperature in here, and i'm dying to take a nap but probably won't.

i told myself i could sit for an hour and maybe write. I sorta don't want to write, I sorta want to fuck around and nap, lol. I'm at a bit in Peace-Tied where I'm trying to fold in stuff I wrote ahead that doesn't quite fit now, so that's complicated-- I've been resorting to using two monitors to have the old doc open in a window so I don't have to tab back and forth. But Fit For Thrones is also in an awkward spot where I wrote stuff ahead and like not a lot has changed, but I realized there needed to be a new thread introduced, so I've got to work that in, and I'm realizing a scene I wrote ages ago that was just fluffy and didn't show a lot of character development is going to have to get overhauled to fit the new concept in, which at this point is just a slight complication but later I wanna hang like a whole plot off it, so it's gotta be here-- if I put it in later it won't have any support and might not really properly hold all the weight it needs to, so. And this scene was just fluff anyway and needs more stuff in it. So that's fine. But it's hard. Because of course all I want to do is skip ahead and write the juicy weighty scene this is gonna support. But if I do that (again, as i've been doing a lot in this series, ugh) i'll get there and it won't fit and i'll have to do more of this fiddly kind of work.

I did only miss Friday's update because I was physically too busy at the time, though. It's the wind-down of the farm season but that just means people have started to peel away to do other things, there's not actually a lot less work, and so those of us left are kind of juggling a lot more balls, even if they're less heavy than they were. (more wittering specifically about FFP behind the cut, and a snippet)

So I have a bunch of stuff allllllmost ready to post, but a bunch of tricky work to do for the continuations of them. There has been a spate lately of very nice comments, some rereaders and some new readers, and I appreciate all of you and it keeps me going, really it does.

I can't find the one, though, someone commented on the latest FFT that they thought Morvran might wind up a bit subby perhaps, and I literally cackled out loud. (Someone else was speculating that he's more traumatized/demi/gray than pure ace, which I also have been trying to convey-- he's ace-spec for sure but gray, is where I'm headed with him.)

I don't think Ciri is going to wind up being particularly domme-y in her preferences-- she also would like a pretty lady to push her around please-- but understand she was raised by a bunch of dommes all around, so I had a very early slightly-cracky notion that she thinks this is how het relationships have to work (this did bear fruit in an outside-of-series published work on AO3 thanks to the Smubbles folks, here: What Every Young Woman Needs)-- but there's an excerpt here I haven't quite yet fit into the FFP continuity, which I suppose I'll put here for everyone's delectation (Ciri POV, of Morvran):

He glanced up only briefly at her arrival, flashing her a quick smile but returning to whatever he was writing, clearly intently focused. She propped a hip on the edge of the desk, waiting, and he finished writing the line and looked up at her.  There was something about the way he looked up at her, like this, something open in his expression that usually wasn’t. It sort of made her want to pull his hair, and made her suddenly understand some things about the way her-- Geralt and Yennefer had acted, around one another. She’d always thought Yennefer was perhaps too mean to Geralt, but she could suddenly understand Yennefer’s perspective, and see that maybe it… well maybe it wasn’t being mean.  But. She didn’t know Morvran near well enough to offer to pull his hair.

[bladedalchemistreplica]

||MUSE HC/ASK/AU MASTERPOST

______

Just alfor and Kolivan's logs of anything that relates to them((at least anything key or hc, so not just art and other! --below i added other asks related to other muses

Alfor Headcanon___Alfor has a tendency to become chaoticlly organized

Alfor Headcanon___Alfor is daring, before mellowing out when Allura was born, he was one to have one set of eyes on him at all times.

Hey, so...this probably isn't for here but what WOULD be the reality where alfor isn't with melendor? Do they have good terms? How exists? Also is alliura there or she get snapped? [[AU related]

Wait- is alfor always gonna have a kit? In all or most threads? [to mun]

《《《▪︎▪︎▪︎☆ Pizza bagels

Alfor is an extremely skilled swordsman

Antok and ____

Kolivan Headcanon___Has a strong tendency to ignore or forget his own needs

_______{{||The blade's leader practices [[Kolivn mention

|TAGGED POSTS

[[ KOLIVAN [[ALFOR [[KEITH [[ROMELLE

[[CHARACTER FLAWS__[[Alfor [[Kolivan

[[SLEEPING HABITS__[[Alfor, [[Kolivan

[[MUSE GREETINGS__[[Alfor [[Kolivan

CUTBELOW___Various headcanon/Asks/e.t.c

[[Not every ask is here but most of the important/longer ones here!

Have a Protection Squad: Which muse(s) seem the most sheltered and/or naive? Are there other characters who look out for them? Is so, who are they?

❣️ - What are their love languages? 💓 - What are some signs they’ve fallen for someone? How do they show their affection? 💖 - How and how often do they try to impress their partner(s)? How and how often do their partner(s) impress them? For anyone muse needs your attention and love~

So have you tried earth candy yet

Is your muse difficult to ship with? [mun directed

Care to give us any silly things?

Psst mun, can you bestow us HCs aside from Alfor and Kolvian???

Okay, which muse would enjoy peppermint, and who would think it takes like medicine/toothpaste?

🥃 - Alcohol! The stronger, the better, or do they have a low tolerance for those types of things? Do they drink alcohol by itself, or do they commonly have it with a meal?

Valentine's Day is coming? Are there any plans for dates, romantic or platonic?

MUSE DIRECTED

Hey Olia- are you and Ozar orphaned? You seem to be since you and him call te-osh mama or something like data

The shoebox's first mentions [ghost-thread related]

Kova is stronger than a Mlade of Mormoa. Kova is more the top kitty.

Matt, did you teach Phantasma about furries? Or did she find out that herself?

Fluffy boi___Tavo's first ask

So question, if I have a laser point and turn it on, who would chase the light? And this includes if those lions do it too.

Thace, how much do you adore alfor? I think you might be spoiling alfor in the future@

Freedom guys! What's the options on the galra? Do you hte them, want them to die? They took a lot from ye.

How many tall ladies? (Regris)

ALFOR ASKS__

Why do you have scars on your arms?

Alfor you sure you won't wanna go back? I mean you kinda have someone or commanders kiddo on the way

So how are you going to tell Thace about the kitt? Like after you get the courage to meet him?

So how many kits do you get?

How are you going to raise the baby? Also fluffy Kova

Juniberry... It's a flower... I thought it was a fruit. I feel bamboozled

Wow. Alfor gets a nice new wardrobe... while Thace only gets jammies.

You know, Halo forms are cool. I wonder what they can and can't do with it. Could they eat and digest? Could they use their original strength in such a tiny body?

Alfor, you've done a lot of harm for thousands of years. Ya know that right?

So...Alfor, what entertainment do you have with the galra? Or what have you had with entertainment with the galra? I mean they gotta have something since Zarkon's an emperor and that.

[[[experiences__Alfor's time with the empire's fleets

Alfor, what happens when sendak comes back? Will he try and take tavo or just bring you back since your kinda zarkons trophy

Tavo is gonna be sendaks spitting imagine when he grows up. Sucks.

[b3ast0fburd3n]

Rules since I seem to change these once a month, you're allowed to ignore new ones if we were mutuals before they came up.

I only rp with one Vaas. @/badtrigger

I block freely and don't feel ashamed about it. If you're uncomfortable with my content or me, please use that beautiful button.

Due to the nature of my blog, we're MDNI here. PLEASE do not interact with my posts if you're under 18, it makes me insanely uncomfortable.

I rarely trigger tag. If you see my posts often and need something tagged, LET ME KNOW! I have few triggers myself but I used to have a lot more, I understand how upsetting it can be.

Don't even think about following me if you don't understand why someone would explore these topics in fiction. Mun =/= Muse. Obviously I don't condone their actions or beliefs.

Having said all that in a very confident tone, I can now say that I am not a confident person! I push through a lot of nerves to start interactions, because I know a lot of people have issues with that. but I am BEGGING you to PLEASE tell me if I did something wrong or if I upset you. I'm always malleable to changing things up, especially if it upset someone! I'm still new to this, too, so I might use a term wrong or something. Let me knoowww pleeasseee

I ask that you not reblog roleplay threads you're not part of or character promos. Likes and comments are welcomed and appreciated on all posts (even if I don't respond)

I usually follow if I'm interested in rping with you. If you follow back, I'll take that as you're interested as well and I'll reach out to you.

My muses are mean sometimes! They're far cry ocs, cmon now. You are more than welcome to give them the same energy. I just ask that we, as the Muns, try to get along! Just because our characters are at each others throats doesn't mean that we can't joke about them making out.

Shipping is WELCOMED. Most (if not all) my characters are bi/pan in some capacity and I can see each of them with several different kinds of people. I ask that you not force ships, however. If you think our muses would be good together (as friends, lovers, hatefuckers, whatever!!) lmk! I love all kinds of dynamics and relationships, I really can't think of one I'd be opposed to other than illegal shit.

pleasepleaseplease don't control my characters. 'godmodding' has been the bane of my existence since middle school. I do what I can to make sure our interactions (especially violent ones) are even while still being in character. I have noticed, though, that some of my characters are awfully inclined to back down if conversation swings towards violence. I'm not afraid to rp fights, but I ask that we plot how it will end beforehand, so I can know what direction to head for.

I like to start character interactions with first meetings. It gives us the chance to get to know each other while our characters do.

Crossovers: Mostly good with them! Other characters in far cry is great. Depending on the fandom I might be willing to build an AU to interact. idk, hasn't come up yet! I will say, though, that my anime phase ended before high school. I've got nothing against it, I just don't like it myself anymore. I probably won't interact with anime characters, oc or canon.

I match length (and often, more) but I don't expect others to. Life is busy, you can't always write out a long reply. As long as your response as some kind of action or sentence to be responded to, don't worry about it!

Questions, quick asks, one-liners and such are always open! I prefer longer interactions, but these can be really fun too!

Overall, I came here to share my creations and make friends. Thank you for reading my rules :))

[inkdemon-whore]

Anonymous asked:

Hey! Have you heard about the new internet art challenge going around? it’s called the: “incest shipers please take a step back and consider what your doing, do some research on the topic, learn from your mistakes, and grow to become a better person while continuing to make the art that you love and live for with a new and heather mindset for everyone” challenge! Would highly recommend, it seems right up your alley. (in all seriousness I think canceling people online is bullshit and accomplishes nothing except shaming people. Everyone has the right to change and learn, and there’s a lot of reasons why drawing incest is harmful(real people or not) for yourself and others in the art space. I know this is just a stupid ask on tumblr but if this makes you even consider doing some more research and forming your own opinions then thats all I wanted. Plus if you decide to ignore this and keep doing what your doing, then I’m the idiot how made a whole new account for an anonymous ask, and I wasted no ones time but my own.) I still think your an amazing artist, and I hope you keep doing the thing that makes you happy.

imma keep the og ask in my inbox for a bit, to actually look into stuff, because to be fair, a lot of my knowledge is based more on experience rather than actual research (unless you want me to count post i've read like these with links that i've yet to properly look into

https://freedom-of-fanfic.tumblr.com/post/175479363749/is-it-me-or-is-the-anti-movement-really (a thread mostly about how american anti-shipping is, along with talking about porn with irl actors, consent, and stuff more along the line of abuse ship dynamics)

https://problematic-faves-appreciation.tumblr.com/post/649530789317509120/this-blogs-most-important-posts (a post that starts out with meme's but the bulk of the post is links to other tumblr post that the op has written. probably not the best post compared to the top link, but i thought i'd share it anyway)

)

in the mean time, here's my stance.

i have tagged my post for them to be curated by the individual viewing my blog. you can use tumblrs blacklist system, tumblr savior, or xkit rewriten if/when the blacklist feature returns to it.

i am well aware that there are those who have had traumatic experiences, and that my art may trigger the memory of such experiences, which is why they are tagged in the first place. you may also unfollow or block me, i won't get pissy about it.

there are also those who use this art/fanfiction as a coping mechanism. whether or not it is a healthy one depends more on the individual.

and then there are those who are just, into that kind of stuff. similar to incest porn you'd find on porn hub. it's a kink. (the first post linked has more info about that, fiction and reality when it comes to kink/porn is not one to one, this is just a quick example)

----

here's what art is to me. this doesn't just go for my ship stuff, this goes for everything.

art is a mirror. it can be a fun house mirror. if can be a broken mirror. it can be just a normal, run of the mill mirror. no matter what mirror you're looking at, the reflection is not exact. objects in the mirror are flipped, or warped, or cracked like the mirror itself. even looking into a pool of water, it reflects the world upside-down, and ripples away when you try to interact with the reflection.

art can effect you, but it can't hurt you. art can't pull a knife on you, but it can make you feel fear. art can't hold you and tell you everything is going to be ok, but it can make you feel comforted. art can't rape you, but it can make you squirm in discomfort and disgust, and make you feel just as violated. if art where an entity, it's entire goal would be to make you feel something emotionally, to poke your buttons and get a reaction out of you, positive or negative, willingly or manipulative. art lies to you, makes up stories and characters, and for some reason you believe it. not only do you believe it but you get attached, over and over again, without skipping a beat. and when all is said and done, when your heart strings have been pulled, when you've cheered in victory or cried in defeat for the fake person this art thing made up, and it tells you "non of that was real. you got emotional over things that didn't happen, over people who don't exist", then uh.... what the fuck do you do?

..

.....

..........

i mean, personally i'd say "thanks for giving me a safe environment to experience and/or process these emotions without me, like, ACTUALLY going through any of that, because by GOD would i be traumatized irl. and even though it was all fake, that doesn't make my emotions to any of what i've witnessed invalid (even though it's not on the same level of actual truama victims)."

:V....

also, if you actually are traumatized by my art, or it really is opening old wounds for you, please, please, PLEASE blacklist tags/unfollow/block/just do whatever you need to like, cut me outta your life. like i'm glad you like my art, but really man, your mental health is important.

anyway, i hope this was understandable at all. if from all that i said, you're wonderin if this is like a kink, or a coping mechanism for me, or whatever, i just, that's too many labels/words, for me it's all too grey to say definitively why i'm into this shit. i'm not a super sexual person, so like, i don't wanna label this blog "kink" along with pro-ship, that just, that brings in too many people who start makin me uncomfortable with their own fucked up and invasive ask. and to make it really clear, i don't support any of this stuff irl, whether it be incest, abuse, rape, etc. fiction is... this word has been over used, but fiction is a safe space. it just IS. point blank. probably the only one we really have if i'm bein honest.

------------------------------

tldr; art is good way to explore taboo topics without physically hurting people, and those who have already been physically hurt in the way the art depicts shouldn't be consuming that art for their own mental health and well being

is this doubling down?.... did i completely miss the point? gonna be honest, i have no idea, i'm running on energy that's verging on "take a nap", so for all i know i've taken this the wrong way, or said something i shouldn't have. it's just been on my mind for a while that people treat art in general too harshly or too close to reality, like you could take the monalisa to jail or somethin- i don't, i don't fuckin know man. i feel like i sound like some pretentious art snob, or an internet troll... imma..... imma take that nap.

really though, if you have post or articles about how this stuff effects people, send it to me

[raniamich]

EXPLANATION TIME

For everyone that is not interested scroll past this but for any mutual (or not) that is I would really appreciate it if you read this post of commonly asked questions.

Why a personal main blog?

I made tumblr a while ago. And when I say I while I mean when I was 15 and I'm 20 now. That means I already had this blog. Why not making a new account or replacing my main? Mainly because I already had a decent amount of followers that liked my stupidly random posts and because the struggle of logging in and out made most of my ask.fm rp blogs inactive and I didn't want this happening here.

Do you still use your other rp blogs?

Yes and no. I am still there if you message me and I try to reblog a few things to keep everything active but most of my attention is focused on the threads I have in my multimuse. I already have plenty of threads there and sometimes (more like always) I'm struggling to keep up so I can't be jumping between accounts especially when i have a rather lower muse for my other two blogs.

Why SO many muses?

Well, because I have so many muses and I love working on new characters or experiencing new fandoms. I always wanted to write so many characters here and on ask but I never knew how until the idea of a multimuse popped up so I took the leap of faith

Are all the muses on your multimuse active?

Most of them. I have over 50 muses and sometimes it is difficult to keep every single one of them active. But that doesn't mean I stopped writing them or that they'll be removed. I don't really wish to remove muses mainly because I can't know if or should I say when my muse will return because I'm almost certain it will.

Why no bios for the OCs?

As I already mentioned 500 times now what I loved but at the same time hated doing on ask.fm rp was writing character bios. It was cool having to sit down and write but it was exhausting and took too much time. And as a journalist I have little time to spare in this. Most of my cannon characters have bios anyone could revise by the magical method of Google searching them but not the OCs. That doesn't mean I don't have bios ready for them though or that I am not willing to write one. So if there's one or more of my characters that you are curious about please come to my inbox and I shall send you everything you need to know.

Do you write nsfw?

Again, I do and I don't. I don't have a thing against nsfw but I prefer doing something else instead of this. I have a thing for angst. My characters probably hate me for hurting them both physically and emotionally as many times as I do but I guess I can live with that? Well, some things come out more naturally than others and such plots are easier for me to write. That DOESN'T mean I won't do nsfw. I'm just not a natural at it. So it's harder for me to write it and enjoy it.

What about trigger warnings?

Trust me guys, I have some myself so I'm trying to tag as many as I can but sometimes I fail. They will be present in every writing blog. For example I have a character called Hemorrhage. The blood tw will be present in every single one of his threads since blood is literally his ability. So sometimes I just forget to tag it especially if it's not much or if it is a character like Rhys I just mentioned. So beware that some of the tw might not be mentioned especially if not present enough in the thread.

What about icons?

I prefer using icons over gifs but gifs remind me of ask.fm so I can do both depending on what the other writer prefers. I do make icons since some of the face claims I use aren't widely popular yet it is quite exhausting so most of my icons are not my own. I mainly use icons my dear friend @sabrinasrpiconhelp (her blog's amazing, check her out) made for me or others I found online that were free for use. I do claim in my bio and in tags that something isn't mine especially when it comes to gifs but like before it's difficult to do it all the time so don't assume something is my own unless I claim otherwise

Discord?

I do not use discord for personal reasons. Yet I am more than willing to share my social media if I know you well enough and I'm willing to use tumblr messages as well! As a matter of fact I already do for some plots that me and the other writer didn't want to put into threads. I know discord is a big part of this but as I just mentioned, I'm not going back to it or at least not yet mainly because I don't feel like it. Yet as mentioned above, I'm right here for you.

If you actually made it this far, wow thank you fellow mutual / person. I hope this answers most of your questions! If you can deal with me and my speed of replying and other multiple flaws you can always hit me up for a plot!

[shawnpetermuffins]

I Miss You

A/n: I hope this is good because I put this off for so long wanting to do it justice. And this is based very loosely off I Miss you.

Summary: you two broke up recently, and it's not sitting well with Shawn, even though he's the reason you broke up.

Requested by @it-isnt-in-myy-blood: Hi, I recently listened to the song 'I Miss you' (Clean Bandit, Julia Michaels). Maybe you could write a fic based on the song, angsty but with a fluff ending? Thank you... ❤️

***

Kinda_yourname

2,158 likes

Kinda_yourname Cabo sunsets >>>> anything else

•

It may have only been a week, but I'm missing it here! 😭

Comments have been disabled.

I shut my phone off and toss it to the end of the bed. I should have been with her on that trip, but tour got in the way. I got in the way. It's crazy to think that if you asked me three weeks ago, I would have said that my girlfriend and I could overcome any obstacle thrown at us. But ask me again a week later, and I would tell you I was wrong. That being away from her for months at a time was too much for me and I broke it off because I thought it would be what was best for both of us in the end.

Now ask me if I still believe that.

I don't.

I haven't told anyone about us yet. I mean, everyone probably suspects because there haven't been Amy preshow FaceTime calls for good luck, and I'm not texting like a madman during dinner or when we're on our way to the venues. And I know she hasn't said anything to anyone either. How? Because for one, she hasn't blocked me on any social media - I know, I've checked at least ten times just within the last two hours. And two, she hasn't deleted the three pictures of us that she has on her Instagram. They're still there for everyone to see, me included.

Now my fingers are hovering over the keyboard and I'm staring at her name on my phone which is still My Love 😍, and I'll probably never change it. Because she is my love, and to strip her of that title because I'm an idiot just isn't fair.

Hey... I miss you

I type and backspace and type and backspace at least ten times. Because I want to text her. I want so badly to text her, but what if she doesn't want to hear from me? I wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to. I was the worst. Breaking up with her over the phone, no less because I was hurting being away from her. Never once did it occur to me that, yeah, she was hurting too. Or maybe she's with someone else. Maybe she's found somebody new. I want her happy, sure. But I selfishly still want to be the one that makes her happy.

Y/n I miss you.

I delete it one last time and open my photo gallery. I have an album saved for photos of us. Photos that I never got to post because she wanted to keep us as private as possible without being a secret. Which is why both of us only have 3 photos of each other on our Instagram. One for our six months, a year, and a year and a half. Two more months and we would have had a fourth picture.

I'm swiping through the photos landing on one I took of her when we were flying back to Canada after our first trip together. We're on a private jet because this was before we went public with our relationship. Andrew made sure that we weren't seen together in the airport or anything. She's sitting in the seat across the aisle from me, legs up to her chest, earphones in, head resting on her knees as she smiles brightly at me. There's another one of us curled up together on this tiny chair in a green room in the UK that Andrew sent me. She's literally curled into a ball on my lap, sleeping peacefully and my legs are spread in front of me, arms wrapped tightly around her body, head resting against the back of the seat.

The next one Brian took. We were at my place for a very impromptu new years party. It was just gonna be me and y/n, but she insisted we invite the guys over. And we did. It was one of the best nights of my life. We're watching the ball drop, with her in my lap, arm around my shoulder. I have one arm behind her back, the other on her thigh. I think Brian knew something was going to happen because at ten seconds to midnight he pulled his phone out and captured out first new years kiss. She's holding my face and I'm practically leaning her back against the couch. It looks like I'm seconds away from crawling on top of her, and it be honest, I probably was. She's just too perfect for me to resist.

Then there's one that Josiah took of us just a few months ago at the studio house. I had y/n on the kitchen counter, she was in these jean shorts that I loved her in and a button up that she'd stolen from my suitcase. Not that I was complaining. It looked far better on her than it did on me. I stood between her legs, my hands on her sides, slipping under the shirt a little bit, leaning her hips exposed. Not that either of u cared with her fingers threaded in my hair as casually as they were. My face is blocked by her figure, but there isn't a doubt in my mind that I was smiling entirely too wide standing between her legs.

The video that follows knocks the breath out of me. She giggling like crazy, but the camera isn't on her, it's on me. On my back, more specifically. She laughs even more when I wince at the feel of her fingers on my red, raw skin that is now home of her fingernail scratches.

"Baby? What happened to your back?" She asked, amused.

"Don't know," I said, turning to face her, my cheeks still holding a slight blush. "But I think the real question is, what happened to your neck, missy?" I pluck the phone from her hands and turn the camera to her where she's trying to cover her face. I manage, however, to take her hands in my free one and the camera focuses on the flourishing bruises that litter her beautiful neck, my favorite place to rest my head.

I close my eyes, the memory of that night filling my mind. Watching her come down from her high, my face still buried between her legs. The weight and cold touch of her hands as she pulled me up to her, into her, because she needed me closer. I can hear myself murmuring the words 'I love you' all over her skin, still remember the way her back arched when I hit the right spot again and again and her finger ran down my back over and over, once more and she probably would have drawn blood. And I may not be home, but I can smell her on the sheets, that constant aroma of warm vanilla penetrating my nostrils. God, do I miss her.

I'm only making it worse for myself by doing this, I know that. But I should feel bad. I lost the greatest thing in my life and I didn't need to. So I got back to our messages, but instead of going to type a new one, I scroll through, reading through our old texts. There's countless paragraphs of us professing our love for each other. Lots of random pictures sent, most from my side. There's conversations about getting a home together, and a dog. And her telling me how much she loves my family and me telling her how much they love her, how much they ask about her. It's all hitting me too hard right now.

And it doesn't help that im literally sobbing at 2 in the morning, in Paris. The city of love. The place she told me was her favorite trip to ever take with me. Where we stood atop the eiffle tower and I gave her a promise ring, a ring that said I would love her and keep her forever. A promise ring that was now probably in the ocean in Cabo because I tore us apart so easily.

I sit up suddenly, struggling to catch my breath. It takes a few minutes, but I'm able to pull myself out of this empty bed that would only be comfortable with y/n laying next to me. I'm scrambling through the room, picking up the pair of jeans I threw off my body earlier and slipping back into them. I find a torn work out shirt in the bottom of my back and push my head and arms through before throwing my youth hoodie over my already overheated upper body. My passport is sitting in my guitar case, and I grab both things without a second thought. My suitcase trailing behind me.

It's difficult booking a flight and carrying a suitcase and guitar all at once, but I get along just well enough and adjust myself in the lobby while I wait for a taxi. I don't text Andrew until I've made it to the airport and am in my seat on the plane, ready for take off.

Emergency... had to fly home. Promise to make it back in time for the Paris show.

And I turn my phone off before he can text or call me back. Because there isn't a damn thing that he could say that would keep me there in a city that's meant for lovers, when my lover is across the world instead of laying in my arms the way she should be.

I know I shouldn't be doing this. I know there is someone out there who is better for her. Someone who isn't constantly on the move. Someone who can come home to her every night and help her make dinner. Someone who can cuddle her until she falls asleep when she's having a particularly bad day. I know there's someone who can do those things.

But I also know that he won't love her the way I do. He won't know all the little things that I do. Like how she only uses a blue toothbrush. Always has. And he won't notice the tiny scar that she has on her right middle finger from when we tried to make dinner together one night and she cut herself. He probably won't know that she wakes up at 3:34 every single night, because she hasn't been able to sleep fully and soundly through the night since she was four years old. And he'll mess up the way she likes her tea, using tea bags instead of leaves. (She like the herbal taste that you get when you use the leaves. And she likes when you do two scoops of them, and two scoops of sugar, but just cane sugar, the rock sugar makes it too earthy. And of course, she drinks it on ice because she hates burning her tongue with hot drinks.)

I'm thinking way too much as I get off the plane, reluctantly turning my phone back on only to see texts from just about everyone I know. They're all asking where I am, but I ignore them, because what I'm about to do is far more important than anything they threaten me with. I have to make things right.

Standing in front of this door that I've stood in front of hundreds of times should make me feel at ease. Remembering all the times I had her pressed against the other side of the door because I just couldn't wait to have her all to myself. But if anything, it's making me more nervous. So nervous that my hands are shaking, palms sweating, my breathing is jagged and I know if I don't knock right now I might never get the chance again and I can't lose her for real this time. So without giving myself the chance to rethink, I knock on the door three times and I wait, handing in the pocket of my hoodie.

I wait a solid thirty seconds, which feel like an eternity, before the door finally opens and I see my beautiful girl. Her face is bare, hair only halfway straightened, and she's in those shorts I love and my old Led Zepplin t-shirt.

"Shawn," my name still sounds like heaven spilling from her lips. "What are you doing here?" She crosses and then uncrosses her arms, shifting her weight from one leg to the other before standing completely straight.

I didn't even realize I was crying until I sniffled and heard my voice crack with just three words, "I miss you."

"Shawn," she shook her head.

"I tried not to," I insisted, still standing like a fool on her door step. "I swear I did. But I couldn't stop. I looked through all our pictures and texts, and I couldn't stop myself from missing you. And I know I have no right to because I broke things off. But I was in Paris and I was miserable because Paris was your favorite place, and that was where I promised to love you forever, and I'm still keeping that promise. I was an idiot," I continue to ramble. "If there's a better word for that, then I'm that too, because I thought it would be easier if I broke things off. This tour was going to be so long and to go that long without each other, I was scared that it wouldn't be enough for you. But it's not what I wanted, y/n. It's not, and I just-"

"Shawn, stop."

I shut my mouth instantly, ready for her to tell me to leave. But what she does instead throws me completely off guard. She pulls me into the apartment and wraps her arms around my neck, burying her head deep in my chest.

"I miss you, too." She mumbles and I exhale slowly, only to inhale that scent that I love so much. The scent that is naturally her. She starts to pull away, and even though I don't want her to, I let her but she only leans back enough to take my face in her hands and before I even have time to blink, her soft lips are on mine and I'm whole again.

She's mine again and I'm never letting her go.

***

Tags: @curlyshawny @shawns-badreputation @anamariel2301 @bbellbagel

This took me longer to write than it should have, but I kinda really like it. I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you Wednesday for more content! 💙

Like, reblog, and leave feedback!!

[consulting-celiac-in-the-tardis]

30+ Simple to Surprising Suggestions That Won't Cure Celiac Disease

New blog post! One of the very first things my doctor told me after my celiac disease was this: "Right now, there is no celiac disease cure...you can only manage your symptoms by sticking to a strict gluten free diet." And yet, over six years after that moment, I still regularly bump into people who say that they "used" to have celiac disease.

Yeah. The phrase "used to" boggles my mind just as much as it does yours! But thinking about these "past" celiacs (as well as this awesome post from Carb Counting Mama about mythical "cures" for Type 1 Diabetes) got me curious. I found myself asking: what are some of the most common "cures" that are suggested to people with celiac disease like me? And, even better, what are some of the weirdest? So I scoured gluten free Facebook support groups, Reddit and Quora threads, and polled my own Insta followers...and here's what I came up with! Keep in mind...as I wrote above, there is presently NO celiac disease cure (though there are some cures being tested in various research studies). All the celiac disease "cures" are listed below solely for entertainment purposes, as well as in hopes that they will serve as a reminder to take other people's advice - especially about your health! - with a grain of salt.

Let's begin with three of the MOST common incorrect celiac disease "cures":

1. You need to go gluten free to heal the intestinal damage initially caused by celiac disease...but once your antibodies test at a "normal" level, you're cured and can eat whatever you want! Cue the booing audience soundtrack, because this is definitely very false! Yes, you will test negative for celiac disease and not show any intestinal damage after going gluten free, but that's only because you're not eating gluten. As soon as you start, all that damage will come back...and "once again", you will have celiac!

2. Now, let's discuss "cure" number two: keeping or adding a little gluten back into your diet so that your body can slowly become more tolerant of it. This is a practice called oral immunotherapy, and it's becoming a more common treatment for people with food allergies. You can also read here about how injectable immunotherapy may be helpful for people with celiac disease in the (likely far) future. However, it is important to keep in mind that celiac disease is NOT the same thing as a food allergy, and exposing someone with celiac disease to low doses of gluten will not "improve their tolerance" of it. 3. And finally, the infamous, "Oh, I bet you'll grow out of it!" Beep. Wrong answer! When you're diagnosed with celiac disease, you have it for life. But maybe the friends or coworkers talking about how their aunt or cousin magically "healed" their celiac disease credits a different technique.

You know...something a little more alternative-medicine-like.

Here are just a couple of real-life suggestions people have gotten on how to cure their celiac disease:

"Heal your gut." Yes, working on creating a happy gut by eating probiotic-rich foods, avoiding foods that mess with your body, etc. may help you feel better in the long run...but it won't let you just magically go back to eating Papa John's pizza.

Use a detoxing diet protocol or product line...and I'm not gonna name any names, but if you've ever been in a Facebook group related to eating gluten free, you've probably seen at least a few posts talking about the latest miracle pill or juice line.

Do a parasite cleanse.

Clear up the yeast infection that caused celiac disease in the first place. Now, there are studies linking yeast infections or fungal infections and celiac disease, and some even suggest yeast overgrowth could be the trigger to celiac disease or the reason why some people with celiac disease don't feel 100% even after going gluten free. But the only site I found saying clearing up a yeast infection "fixed" someone with celiac was selling a yeast cleanse product...and repeatedly used "celiac" and "gluten intolerance" to mean the same thing. Sooo...do with that what you will.

Try Chinese acupuncture to "reset" your immune system. People in the comments did report their seasonal allergies had improved via acupuncture...but from what I've seen, no celiacs have yet been cured via needles.

And now, drum roll please....we get to the food. Currently, eating gluten free is the only science-backed treatment for celiac disease...but that doesn't keep other people from suggesting different or even more restrictive diets.

Dietary Choices That Can "Cure" Celiac Disease:

Eating gluten from Europe, since its different processing protocols or ingredients make it "safe" for people with celiac disease. Unfortunately, wheat is wheat...and all wheat, gluten and barley are dangerous for people with celiac.

That you actually just need to avoid pesticides covering food, not the food itself. I'm pretty sure pesticide-free wheat will still hurt me. And so far, one of the only studies linking pesticides with celiac disease (in a causal relationship) was later said to have made conclusions "not supported by the available scientific evidence."

Only eating organic fruits and veggies and free-range meats. Which is basically just one form of a gluten free diet, which doesn't "cure" celiac disease but does treat the symptoms.

Guzzling bone broth. 

Drinking celery juice on the daily. 

Eating allll the bananas. At least this celiac disease cure has history, considering that doctors first treated people with celiac disease by prescribing a banana-only diet.

Eating a plant-based diet. You can certainly eat a plant-based and gluten free diet, and you may even find eating plant-based makes you feel healthier overall...but it won't let you eat gluten again if you have celiac disease.

Avoiding GMOs. 

Only eating whole wheat versus refined flours. Because whole wheat is definitely what someone who can't tolerate gluten or wheat needs to heal? Yeah, I'm lost on this one.

This is when my research really started getting fun (in a twisted sort of way, I suppose). Because the more I searched, the more weeeeird celiac disease "cures" I discovered.

We'll start off pretty tame with just three "healthy living" hacks that are often suggested to pretty much anyone with a chronic illness.

Doing yoga. I can confirm that doing hot yoga regularly will not sweat out your inability to eat gluten.

Juicing. Unfortunately, I don't believe fruits and veggies can change our genes...

Drinking hot water every morning. Apparently, this is what everyone in Cambodia suggested one celiac traveler should try...

And then there are the countless things you can buy to "fix" your digestion, your mood and, of course, your autoimmune disease. Just to name a few examples, here are some marketable celiac disease "cures" many celiacs recall being pitched:

Essential oils...because what CAN'T essential oils do these days?!?

Probiotics. Taking probiotics has definitely transformed my gut health for the better, but there is a major limit to their "healing" powers.

Chinese medicine. Again...these cure everything, right?

Digestive enzymes. Possibly helpful when at risk for cross-contamination while eating out or if you have gluten intolerance. Not helpful for de-activating your celiac gene.

Activated charcoal. Sammmme as above.

And finally, the grand finale: a bunch of celiac disease cure suggestions that I saw on my computer screen and couldn't help but think:

"This is too weird to make up."

Get pregnant and your body will "magically" fix its celiac disease. Who knew we all just needed a bun in the oven to suddenly eat wheat?

Prayer. I know this is a touchy subject, and I don't include this "cure" in this grouping as an intentional attack on anyone who believes in the power of prayer. I agree that miracles can happen...but that it's also irresponsible to suggest that people with celiac disease can or should just pray about being able to eat gluten and still put their body in harm's way...

Meditating regularly and reducing stress. Definitely beneficial in helping you cope with the stress of having an autoimmune disease. But that's about it.

Exorcism?!? Yeah...I'll just leave that one here. (And note that the person who shared this story considers the wannabe celiac "exorcist" an ex-friend. Not surprising, I'd say!).

Thinking positively. 

Communion wafers that are made with gluten. As the commenter put it, "I know God loves me, but God's gluten wafer definitely doesn't."

Going to a psychologist or therapist. Celiac disease CAN have a psychological impact on the people who have it, but it's not rooted in our minds.

Waving vials of wheat near your body to "desensitize" it to gluten. A mom heard this tip from her daughter's doctor. Safe to say, they soon found a new practitioner to visit.

What I Hope You Take Away From This Post

At the end of the day, I would be ecstatic if there was a celiac disease cure...not necessarily even for me to use, but as a great option for my children, should they inherit my celiac disease. 

Right now, though, there is no cure for celiac disease - just eating gluten free to treat celiac's symptoms. 

I know that fact can be hard to accept, especially if you're newly diagnosed or struggling with celiac-related issues right now.

But also know this: over six years after my celiac diagnosis, I can honestly say that I'm living pretty dang happily while eating gluten free. And you can too.

So if friends or coworkers do suggest a less-than-scientific way to magically "fix" your celiac disease, I hope you can laugh off their suggestions and be grateful for everything you still can do, even while living with celiac disease.

Has someone ever told you they "cured" their celiac disease or know someone who did? I'd love to hear your stories in the comments! via Blogger https://ift.tt/2HSKFOk