#i mean i know those people were not enriching my life or good for me if they can’t respect me and who I am

[shingodzillaa]

Im tired of having to weigh the pros and cons between reporting someone for misgendering me multiple times (having been corrected multiple times by multiple people) and feeling comfortable and safe at work.

It’s like, as long as I’m the easy going, super nice tranny that doesn’t overly correct others on their pronouns, doesn’t “shove their identity in my face”, then I get treated somewhat decently. People are nice to me, they seek me out to talk to me. No one is on edge around me or uncomfortable. I’m not blacklisted or a trouble maker.

But then that means they get to be disrespectful and misgender me. Constantly. It doesn’t matter how politely or forgiving I am about correcting them, they will still misgender me, because I’ve shown that I won’t really force it down their throat.

As soon as I complain, as soon as it gets to me and I say something, a switch is flipped. Im basically treated like an outsider. “Ooo watch out, don’t talk to Lukas too much because if you mess up once he’ll report you to HR.”

all I wanted was to be treated like everyone else. All I wanted was to not be disrespected and made uncomfortable by the constant barrage of misgendering.

But it doesn’t help when my store manager basically tells the people who are constantly. on purpose. Misgendering me (and telling other people that I am trans when they don’t know and correctly gender me and my other trans male coworker as well!!!) to basically just ignore me if they can’t get it right.

Like on the one hand, not being constantly misgendered. On the other hand, being actively ignored by people you work 40+ hrs a week with.

It’s just feels like I’m losing no matter what right now and I hate it here.

[ballgame]

I made it long enough ago that I won't bother myself with finding it, but I remember making a post about how I was amused by how, during a Twitch stream, when giving an example of how some people over-scrutinize certain aspects of Undertale, Toby mentioned people looking for smiley faces in things. I found this ironic since smiles are actually a pretty important motif in Undertale, all things considered.

At the time, I was frustrated that I couldn't find a clip of this or the stream itself, but now I have! And I've taken the liberty of transcribing this conversation to the best of my ability.

(For context, Toph is one of the hosts of the stream)

Toph: How does that make you feel, when people ascribe their own sort of meanings? Does that make you happy, or does that make you feel a little weird? Like, "Oh wow, people are twisting what I intended." Toby: It's strange when people read something into it that's not good. I don't even wanna say usually people find something that I didn't intend, because there's so much in this game. Basically, a lot of the time it's like- Obviously there are times where people ascribe things to me that that I didn't intend, like they go really far. But I feel like, when they do that, it's kind of what I wanted, to some extent. I wanted to create something that was so "Undertale" that people wouldn't know what was intended and what wasn't and they could just keep looking deeper and keep thinking "Woah, this keeps going, forever?!" So, I guess to some level, to some extent, that sort of thing is validating. It's only bad when they read into it and they get something weird out of it, I guess. Toph: Okay, any specific examples of getting something weird out of it that are not spoiler-y? Maybe not, maybe that answer is just no. Toby: I don't know, there's people that try and find every secret in the game, so they put random things into spectograms or something. So they take a random audio file from the game and they put into a spectogram and it's like- "Look at this guys! It looks like a smiley face! There's a message here!" Or something. Literally every file that you put in there is going to have a smiley face in it, if it's just random static noise. Toph: Right, right, right! If you look deep enough, yeah. I get that's cool, that people are, y'know, willing to look that deep. Toby: Yeah and some of them still believe it. It's like, woah. What that says is that I've made something where people are willing to believe that I would do that on purpose. So, it feels like a credit to me mostly. Toph: That's really funny- I'm just reminded of Hideaki Anno, the creator of Evangelion. And y'know, people have just written articles, upon articles, upon articles, upon essays of all these religous symbols from that game. And he famously was just like, "Y'know what? Honestly, I just think Christian religous symbols just look cool. But hey, if you guys are into that, whatever. Keep theorizing." But that's fine, I guess I'm part of the experience too. Because if you're- You can go into something and if you can find meaning out of it and have it enrich your life, hey that's cool. We take those. Toby: Yeah and I'm not gonna say that there aren't a ludicrous amount of things in this game that were not intended. Because there are a ludicrous amount of things in this game that are intended. Again, who knows where it begins or ends.

Twitch Link: [X]

[justalittlesolarpunk]

I grew up extremely privileged. I always want to be honest about that. I never worried about where the next meal was coming from, I had new clothes and toys whenever I wanted them, my family went on holiday every year and regularly had meals out, went to the cinema and the theatre. My parents sent me to private school, where I got to learn about the history of civil rights movements and the theologies of other cultures. I attended a prestigious university and have never gone without. But do you know what that taught me? It taught me that the things I took for granted should be taken for granted by everyone. No human being should starve when we currently produce enough food globally for an extra two billion people who don’t currently exist. Everyone should have access to a full, well-rounded education that lasts as long as they want. People should be exposed to other cultures and be able to have enriching experiences. I have never understood the people I met along the way who, in being exposed to the same unearned privileges as me, came to conclusion that it meant they were somehow special or better than others. My upbringing actively led me to believe in a universal basic income, to want everyone to have access to good healthcare and education and the ability to interact with those different from them. Because every child should grow up with the carefree feeling that not worrying about money brings, that it brought me.

My privilege has also given me the ability to access systems and institutions of power - my whiteness, my middle-class southern English accent, my academic vocabulary and my understanding of how these systems function, means I have power others do not. I’m determined to use this for people who have been silenced and shut out, to create spaces where they can speak and be heard. Of course I’ll mess up sometimes, because privilege brings ignorance with it and I still have a lot to unlearn. But I’ve never understood the point of trying to hide from your privilege or pretend it isn’t there. It’s not something to feel guilty about, because you didn’t choose it. But it is something you’re responsible for. The work of the rest of my life will be to understand and deconstruct my privileges, to work alongside and at the direction of the more marginalised to build a more just world.

This is quite rambly and incoherent and probably doesn’t make perfect sense, but I hope you get the gist of what I’m saying. I’ve been fortunate and I want others to experience that too. I don’t see justice work as about tearing people down from where they are, but rather about sharing what they’ve benefited from with everyone.

[yujeong]

Favourite Underrated Ship? Simple answer: Every single Pete rarepair! -> PorschePete? Iconic! Brilliant! Phenomenal! Most people love "best friends who kiss", I love "secret third thing". However one enjoys them, though, they're delicious to consume😌 (You might think it's not an underrated ship, but I'd like to inform you that it has, in fact, less than 100 fics on Ao3, so it very much is in my book. I'm happy to have contributed to it by posting two of them, but I'd love it if there were more. Hopefully, I'll get inspired anew one day.) -> KinnPete? Oh please, the power dynamics make me giggle like a 10 year old girl playing with Barbie dolls. Such glorious toxicity, such perfect ways Kinn could use and abuse Pete to his benefit, either with or without knowing he's doing it. You can do so much with them, either pre, during or post canon and I get so excited thinking about it. (This one has less than 50(!) fics posted, so I'm super thankful to the few authors who have gifted me some amazing works. Sharing my personal favourite because it deserves to be cherished 🥹) -> ArmPete? Do I even need to sell this one? It can do fluff, it can do angst, it can do smut, it can do it all. My personal favourite flavour of it is Arm having unrequited feelings for Pete because it's just so deliciously angsty 😇 I love me some pain, I can't help it. (This one doesn't have any fics to its name, besides one in Chinese. I'm devastated. I did personally have an idea for a multi-chaptered fic with 3k words already written, but if I manage to focus on it properly one day, it'll end up being a simple one-shot.) -> KimPete? Oh, you mean the ship I got so obsessed over I wrote 25k words of them platonically bonding, while having Kim think to himself more than once how pretty Pete is? You mean the ship that shares so many similarities with VegasPete, while still having its own identity based on the differences between Kim and Vegas? You mean the love of my life? (Again, fics for this one are almost non-existent, which is a shame, but understandable. One day, I'll manage to enrich the tag. One day.) -> TankhunPete? Take KinnPete's fucked up power imbalance and twist it in a more peculiar direction. What you get is this ship, which makes me so uncomfortable but so, so intrigued. (Incredibly underrated with how few fics it has, but a special thanks to this one for altering my brain chemistry when I first read it.) -> BigPete? Rivals who might engage in hate sex from time to time? Pals who share the same fate and understand it and bond over it? Pick your poison and roll with it, because it's delicious either way. I'm personally team "They hate each other" because it's more fun that way 😉 (Almost nothing here again, which is a shame, but again understandable. I had forgotten they shared 2 lines of dialogue together in the show, I deadass thought they never talked to each other, which was great for me lol. Here's one fic written by the same person who wrote the KinnPete one, in case you'd like something cool to read.) -> TayPete? This one's for pure aesthetic reasons because have you seen Tay, have you seen Tay at the auction, have you imagined Pete and Tay fucking at the auction, because I surely have 🙂 It's such a gorgeous image, I lose focus for a hot minute when it comes to me. (This one's tricky, because most people write Vegas/Pete/Tay, which is a glorious choice and I support it, and my talented friend is writing a very good VPT fic, but I'd love it if there were more fics that focus on these two only. They're too powerful, I can't get enough.) I think those are all the ones I'm personally obsessed with. All I have to say is, Pete deserves all the beautiful men and what they'd like to do with him ❤️

[laddersofsweetmisery]

There's nothing I can't stand more than elitist perspectives from supposed academics. Academia is a PRIVILEGE to pursue. You were lucky. You had just the right foundation, just the right experiences, and just the right support.

I was homeless, raised by addicts, and severely malnutritioned from the ages 12 to 20. I remember having to melt snow in the winter just to wash my hair and it was still a privilege for me to acquire a literary degree. I had just the right people looking out for me and just the right life experiences to encourage my interests. I've never considered myself without privilege nor have I believed 'I worked hard to get here, so I deserve it.' The truth is that thousands of people work hard and everyone deserves it, but their resources differed from mine and yours. I just had the right circumstances to encourage my educational pursuits.

Not everyone has that.

Even in my most unluckiest moments, I was lucky to receive an education.

If someone stumbles into dark/light academia for the vibes alone and ends up learning about art history, poetry, new books to read and obsess over...then THAT'S A GOOD THING. I view the aesthetic as a gateway towards learning. Telling others they have no place in academia is so counterintuitive and can make them resentful. If you can make education more palatable and more easily digested, why wouldn't you support that? If you truly love academia, then you will love all facets and not just the parts that allow you to stroke your ego.

I believe education is a privilege and we must take our privileges as a chance to educate ourselves so that we can educate others at a more affordable rate. To me, having the opportunity to receive a quality education means you now have a civic duty to pass on that knowledge to those who couldn't afford the same opportunities.

Education is not a pathway to superiority, it is a journey towards empathy and civic engagement.

I share my poetry and other writings not because I think I'm good. I share because someone somewhere might need to hear it. I found my love for literature when I stumbled into Instagram poetry at 13 years old--a realm of poetry that receives immense backlash from supposed 'lovers-of-the-written-word.' Now, I obsess over John Milton, the Brontë's, and Mary Hays.

Accessibility is vital to academic communities. These communities that utilize the aesthetic to encourage involvement are doing good in the world even if you think it to be frivolous. They are exposing those who may not have originally been interested in education due to their foundations and experiences to wear a cozy sweater, make some tea, pick up a book, head to their local art museums, and pursue something they didn't know was available to them.

I support the Colleen Hoover girlies, I support the Instagram poets, I support the aesthetic followers, I support ACOTAR, I support fanfiction. I support words and what they can do for others no matter the form.

In a world where literacy rates are at a low, encouragement and accessibility are our greatest tools.

Do not weaponize education for your own egocentric objectives. It is a selfless communal endeavor to enrich the way we understand, interact, and positively influence the institutions around us.

Most children enjoy learning about the world around them, ask yourself, 'What made them stop loving it?' and then, ask yourself, once more, 'Could it have been people like me?'

Mary Hays via Mr. Francis said it best: "When the minds of men are changed, the system of things will also change...Let us remember, that vice originates in mistakes of understanding, and that, he who seeks happiness by means contradictory and destructive, is emphatically the sinner. Our duties, then, are obvious--If selfish and violent passions have been generated by the inequalities of society, we must labour to counteract them, by endeavoring to combat prejudice, to expand the mind, to give comprehensive views, to teach mankind their true interest, and to lead them to habits of goodness and greatness...Let it, then, be your noblest ambition to co-operate with, to join your efforts, to those of philosophers and sages, the benefactors of mankind...everyone in his sphere may do something; each has a little circle where his influence will be availing."

-Memoirs of Emma Courtney, by Mary Hays

For those interested in learning from the security of home when you can't afford the privilege of a classroom, here are some links that I've enjoyed and perused multiple times throughout the years. They are FREE OF ANY COST. Have fun with education in whatever ways you can and feel free to ask me if your interested in further resources or just want to chat. I don't know everything, but I'll do what I can to help. Check out Perseus at https://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/

Holy shit, they've got it all! I use it for their Dictionary of Greek and Roman biography and mythology, but there is so much more to learn to and explore. The Mission of Perseus: "Our larger mission is to make the full record of humanity - linguistic sources, physical artifacts, historical spaces - as intellectually accessible as possible to every human being, regardless of linguistic or cultural background."

Check out Project Gutenberg at https://www.gutenberg.org/

Project Gutenberg is a library of over 70,000 free eBooks! They have a lot of free classics, so if you're struggling to afford books for school, this is an excellent resource!

Love poetry? Interested in Emily Dickinson? Then, read The Prowling Bee at https://bloggingdickinson.blogspot.com/?m=1

The Prowling Bee is a blog by Susan Kornfield. I love hearing her insight into the poems and hearing from someone passionate about Dickinson's work!

Check out the John Milton Reading Room at https://milton.host.dartmouth.edu/reading_room/contents/text.shtml

This one is a favorite of mine! It includes the complete poetry and selected prose of John Milton, with introductions, research guides, and hyperlinked annotations.

Interested in journalism? Check out The Outlaw Ocean Project at https://www.theoutlawocean.com/

The Outlaw Ocean Project is a non-profit journalism organization based in Washington D.C. that produces investigative stories about human rights, labor, and environmental concerns on the two thirds of the planet covered by water. The content they produce is so vital, I couldn't recommend it more highly.

Additionally, you can sign up for some newsletters so you can receive articles in your inbox everyday! My favorites are:

The Literary Hub at lithub.com

The Literary Hub is an organizing principle in the service of literary culture, a single, trusted, daily source for all the news, ideas and richness of contemporary literary life.

JSTOR Daily at https://daily.jstor.org/

JSTOR Daily is a daily magazine that contextualizes current events with scholarship found on JSTOR. They are published by JSTOR, the nonprofit digital library of scholarly journals, books, images, audio, research reports, and primary sources. JSTOR Daily stories are what we like to call academic adjacent—they are carefully researched and written by experts for a general audience. Each piece  provides historical, scientific, literary, political, and other background for understanding our world. 

[mariana-oconnor]

The Abbey Grange pt 2

So, last time we had a woman who claimed to have been assaulted by burglars who then murdered her abusive husband and her stoic and devoted maid.

I think that she killed him and used the burglars, who had apparently been in the newspaper, as convenient scapegoats, but I also think that was a good move on her part, so I'm fingers crossed that she gets away with it.

And Holmes spotted something weird with the glasses the 'burglars' had been drinking out of, then immediately dismissed it and left Stanley Hopkins, who seems to work purely on cases where the victim is an old and violent man who nobody likes, to hunt down the burglars.

During our return journey I could see by Holmes's face that he was much puzzled by something which he had observed.

I may have been wrong about Holmes realising it was the lady of the house. This does seem at odds with that.

"...on my life, Watson, I simply can't leave that case in this condition. Every instinct that I possess cries out against it. It's wrong—it's all wrong—I'll swear that it's wrong. And yet the lady's story was complete, the maid's corroboration was sufficient, the detail was fairly exact."

Right, so no, he hadn't figured it out. The wine glasses do still vex him.

"...dismiss from your mind the idea that anything which the maid or her mistress may have said must necessarily be true."

That is, indeed, how you should approach every witness statement to every crime ever. Like, even if they're not lying, they might just be confused. The woman had a blow to the head (apparently) that discombobulates a person.

"Some account of them and of their appearance was in the papers, and would naturally occur to anyone who wished to invent a story in which imaginary robbers should play a part."

Precisely.

And my theory with the glasses is that she and her husband were having a drink. Or just her husband was having a drink. And she had to add a third glass to corroborate her story and that didn't match or hadn't been drunk out of. Maybe she drugged him so she could kill him, but that doesn't really fit with the way the body was found.

"The most unusual thing of all, as it seems to me, is that the lady should be tied to the chair.”

Really, Watson? Why?

I mean... that seems fairly self-explanatory to me. Is it just because you could never consider tying a lady to a chair, in which case, I guess we know more about your sex life than we did, but really?

Watson is baffling me here.

“Exactly; but there was bees-wing only in one glass. You must have noticed that fact. What does that suggest to your mind?”

wtf is beeswing?

beeswing. / (ˈbiːzˌwɪŋ) / noun. a light filmy crust of tartar that forms in port and some other wines after long keeping in the bottle.

(from dictionary.com)

Okay. I remember being told off for shaking a port bottle as a kid, so I guess that was what I was being told off about.

“That only two glasses were used, and that the dregs of both were poured into a third glass, so as to give the false impression that three people had been here. In that way all the bees-wing would be in the last glass, would it not?"

Three things:

That's what I said.

Would none of the beeswing stick to the glasses it came from?

Why not just pour some more from the wine bottle? It has been specified that it wasn't empty.

Sherlock Holmes, finding that Stanley Hopkins had gone off to report to head-quarters, took possession of the dining-room, locked the door upon the inside, and devoted himself for two hours to one of those minute and laborious investigations which formed the solid basis on which his brilliant edifices of deduction were reared.

He was crawling around on the floor like a worm again, wasn't he?

Then, to my astonishment, Holmes climbed up on to the massive mantelpiece.

Crawling and climbing. It's like a crime scene adventure playground. He must be having so much enrichment today.

“We have got our case—one of the most remarkable in our collection. But, dear me, how slow-witted I have been, and how nearly I have committed the blunder of my lifetime!"

Or maybe you could just... let her get away with it?

"Strong as a lion—witness the blow that bent that poker. Six foot three in height, active as a squirrel, dexterous with his fingers; finally, remarkably quick-witted, for this whole ingenious story is of his concoction."

Was the lady's height specified? I feel like if she was 6'3" someone would have mentioned it.

So she got a friend to come and help her kill her husband? Good for him, too, I guess.

THough she was sitting down through the whole interview, so maybe she is 6'3" and it's just that no one noticed because she was sitting down.

“Yes, sir, it is true that he threw the decanter at me. I heard him call my mistress a name, and I told him that he would not dare to speak so if her brother had been there."

Ah, there we are. The missing piece is a brother. That makes sense.

“I have told you all I know.” Holmes took his hat and shrugged his shoulders. “I am sorry,” he said, and without another word we left the room and the house.

Ah, I think that, right there... was the point of no return. If you'd just told him, he probably wouldn't have done anything about it.

But now he's gonna do something about it.

The first officer, Mr. Jack Croker, had been made a captain and was to take charge of their new ship, the Bass Rock, sailing in two days' time from Southampton.

Not the brother? A friend from the ship? Modern travel times have made me forget that the time since the marriage probably isn't long enough for a message to get to Australia, let alone for her brother to receive one then get on a boat and come to the UK.

Unless he was already following her before that.

“No, I couldn't do it, Watson,” said he, as we re-entered our room. “Once that warrant was made out nothing on earth would save him. Once or twice in my career I feel that I have done more real harm by my discovery of the criminal than ever he had done by his crime."

Aw, Holmes, you're a big teddy bear really.

“I am very glad if I have helped you.” “But you haven't helped me. You have made the affair far more difficult."

Yeah, he knows.

"The Randall gang were arrested in New York this morning.” “Dear me, Hopkins! That is certainly rather against your theory that they committed a murder in Kent last night.”

This entire conversation is gold.

“The time has come. You will now be present at the last scene of a remarkable little drama.”

Cliffhanger time.

[okayto]

Mini-Review: Romantic Killer

Living her best single life, romance is the last thing on Anzu’s mind — until a tiny match-making wizard suddenly turns her life into a clichéd romcom.

Came across a trailer for this and then said, "That's either going to be really good, or really bad." My companion agreed and suggested I test it out and let them know whether it was terrible or not.

Anzu Hoshino is a high schooler with no interest in romance, preferring to spend her free time playing games, eating chocolate, and enjoying the presence of her beloved cat, Momohiki. Unfortunately, when she tries a new game one day, it turns out to be crap, used by a magical creature named Riri as a way to introduce Anzu's new life: due to Japan's declining birthrate, the romantically-uninterested Anzu's life is going to be like a dating sim until she falls in love with someone! And if she doesn't? Say goodbye to Momohiki forever.

Anzu's reaction is understandable.

So, back to my initial hesitancy: "you have to fall in love! Heterosexual relationships are the goal" is obviously a really skeevy theme, and when you're a person who is always happy with aromantic and/or asexual representation in fiction (hi, it's me, I'm a person), it can make you leery. And Anzu can definitely be read as aro/ace, but what's interesting is that you don't have to, the setup is patently absurd and knows it's ridiculous regardless of her orientation.

Some mysterious wizard council decided that a 10th grader needed to be in a romantic relationship or risk losing things she loved. It's compulsory heterosexuality: this character could be aro, ace, aro/ace, gay, or even just a ~15-year-old straight girl who currently has no interest in dating or romance. All of those options are viable, completely normal, and drive home how fucked up the concept of "threaten a teenager so she'll eventually get pregnant" is. (To be clear, the show doesn't dwell on anything beyond "you need to be in a romantic relationship," but even there it's clear that the show recognizes this is a ridiculous proposition.)

Anzu is impossible not to like: she's a happy, healthy teen who really likes what she likes (gaming, chocolate, cats), doesn't care much about what others think but isn't a misanthrope, and her reaction to being told "treat your life like a dating sim or never see your cat again" is to swear revenge on the wizard and do everything in her power to avoid engaging with any of the concocted plots, even as they reach cheap-fiction levels of believability, much to her disgust.

Potential love interest has to move in with her because of Reasons? Time to be Unattractive!

And the thing is, because of Anzu's determination to never get anywhere close to a romantic scenario, the people she meets are able to understand she's a safe person to be around--the first guy she meets, for instance is always having girls ask him out or try to get close--and engage with her without having to worry about hidden motives.

Anzu's determination means she is committed to not putting on a facade, which lets her personality and character shine through. Add to that some Riri-concocted scenarios that force Anzu to spend time with other characters in improbable situations, and what you get is a really, really fun and often-humorous story.

The guys themselves also turn out to be good, fun characters. They get introduced to the plot as obvious love interests, but none of them were conjured out of magic and thus they all have their own reasons to continuing to be around Anzu (although the continual magic contrivances of Riri certainly help them keep their exposure up anyway).

The ironic thing is that Riri's terrible game definitely does enrich Anzu and Kazuki's (potential love interest #1) lives, without question: Anzu gains new friends she enjoys spending time with, Kazuki does too, in a way that he's not been able to enjoy with many people before. The other potential love interests' lives are similarly enriched...but it's never because of romance! Really, this show is a good look at the power of friendship and just community in general.

And while Anzu probably would've been fine if the whole thing had never happened--while she was kinda a loner after-school, there's no evidence that she was harming herself or setting up any future problems (which is, obviously, part of what makes the wizards' scenario so stupid)--Kazuki is a different matter. I don't want to say much because of spoilers, but it's clear early on that he's not just a loner because of his personality, but he's lived through some dark experiences that makes him want to stay away from any kind of relationship talk too.

It's great, and while the story wraps up nicely, I would watch so much more.

Please, I am begging the Powers That Be: give us a season 2 where Anzu and the gang go after the wizard council. Friend hijinks and cartoon violence, it's a match made in heaven. Please.

Verdict

English dub? Yes!

Visuals: Shiny and modern! Except for Riri's game, but that's intentionally bad. Anzu's many faces are very funny as well.

Worth watching? Yes. And I would watch another season, even though the story wrapped up fine. Give me more of this lovely friend group of weirdos who love each other.

Where to watch (USA, as of March 2023): Netflix (sub and dub)

Click my “reviews” tag below or search “mini review” on my blog to find more!

[ave-immaculata]

Hi. I am messaging as many Catholic blogs as I possibly can for spiritual help--I don't know if this is offensive. I don't mean it to be--I honestly, I try my very best to be a good practicing Catholic--but life gets very confusing. Anyway, I've been absolutely failing at every aspect of this Lenten promise, and I am terrified God is going to hurt me or hate me or punish me or just let something like that happen--that is not to say God is vindictive--He isn't; I'm just being very evil by making a promise to God and then not sticking to it. I've been getting mostly positive signs, but I am afraid that I am interpreting them that way out the selfish desire to be good and loved by God and not because He is actually pleased with me. I know this is complex problem. I know if you find the side blog this is from that it is going to be filled with non-canonical thoughts and desires and takes on God. I don't do it to be disrespectful--I love the Church with all my heart. I never wanna leave Her. So, if you do find it, please don't be mad or think made this out insincerity. I'm just scared and life and maybe the afterlife is throwing things at me at a much more advanced speed and understanding than I am prepared for. I would talk to my local priest, but I have caused trouble in the Diocese before, and I really don't wanna drag those people back in or my current priest or my family and I don't wanna be humiliated again. So, all I am asking for is prayer. Just pray for me.

{{{{Lenten Plans from the Universe/The Messiah/The Golden Timeline (02/13/24)

Okay so basically, here is the plan--handed down through divine intuition or signs or whatever gave me the information--I trust the information source--so here's my spiritual cleanse for the 40 days:

3 days of (as close as possible) no sleep--72 straight hours--then 2 days of regular sleep schedule for the next 40 days

40 days of no more than 1200 calories every day

40 days no spend (outside of food and bills)

40 days (at least) of no medication (exception--Excedrin Migraine but only in extreme situations...)

Increased prayer/communing/sign reading

***I want to be clear that this is something that I am doing for my own spiritual cleanse and enlightenment and enrichment and etc; I'm not advertising this as a responsible or safe or anything--this isn't a recommendation--you're welcome to join me in an attempt but consult with your own support system including mental health team.***}}}

I'm sorry this is so long. I'm sorry for being confusing or weird. I hope you are having a blessed Lent and I hope that you are given many blessings for praying. God Bless and thank you.

I will absolutely pray for you. I also want to add, despite what I'm about to say, that I get the worry you're describing about God punishing you or letting something bad happen as a consequence. I experience that kind of thinking, and even though intellectually we know that's not how God operates, it doesn't necessarily make it any less stressful. Any practices or penances that are amplifying those concerns are not drawing you to God and are not good.

Your series of Lenten devotions, in my opinion, were always going to be failed. These are collectively (individually, even), stricter and more difficult than most religious people (monks, nuns, etc., not just people who practice religion) would take on. I would sincerely recommend considering lessening your observance for the rest of Lent and discerning these sources pushing you towards them with renewed skepticism (especially using Ignatian discernment, which I can describe more if you like). Especially concerning (outside the penances), is "sign-reading." I don't doubt your sincerity or love for God, but I don't know that, given your worries and anxiety, this is going to be fruitful or draw you into a deeper communion with God.

God will not try to trick you with confusing signs or threaten you for not being able to keep up with this. God isn't going to ask you to stop taking prescribed medications as a penance. Let your your love for Him and His Church be the foundation of the remainder of Lent; your desire to please Him is delightful to Him. Read the Scriptures and dwell with Him.

I obviously don't know the situation with your diocese, but please consider speaking to one of the Priests about this.

[water-god19]

So this is it…we’ve finished x-force. All issues done. All story lines done and all interest done. So why do I still feel like nothing happen? Was time wasted? Was it really all for nothing…

Fair warning I do ramble on for quite a long time, but it’s for good reason! Anyways…let’s begin.

Chapter 1: A Promising Start/ First Impressions

When I first stumbled into the new era of the X-men I was originally very skeptical. For someone who doesn’t have any comic book knowledge outside of a few DC and Spider man comics from the early 2000s I was expected to be lost. But then after reading a little of the new era, made by Johnathan Hickman, I was truly intrigued in what I was seeing. Sure I had questions…many of which I wouldn’t get the answers to unless I read spin off comics of the new era. Despite that I was beyond HOOKED!

When I first saw this I immediately thought back to deadpool 2 and what they did with X-Force. Now not everything as memorable in that incarnation of the team you still had colossus, deadpool, and domino. 2 of which was seen here and the last one would come a little later. Outside of that I knew a lot of these characters already:

Beast

Wolverine

Colossus

Jean Grey

Deadpool

Domino

I’ve seen all this characters at some point in my life to give the X-force branding of comics a try, and thankfully I did. Sure, I didn’t understand a lot of the context behind why certain characters acted a certain ways but I could appreciate how rare those moments were. Most of the time if I just kept reading the issues I’d understand what was going on, especially in relation to the newer characters.

Kid Omega

Omega Red

Sage

X-23

Black Tom (I think that’s his name).

The dialogue between both the old and newer characters, to me, really sold me on this new era. It got me invested with what could happen to these characters. On the side note, I don’t really see many people talking about this, but the art style of these characters are VERY COOL!!! It looked fun and expressive! I’ll show examples of why I love the art so much throughout this. It really says a lot about what your gonna read, for better or for worse.

If it wasn’t obvious at this point, I clearly haven’t read comics or even x-men comics for years. So when you hear my opinions just remember that my knowledge on certain things are fairly limited in most aspects. I. Don’t. Know. Everything. Yet I’m still enjoying what I’m reading so far, with or without connections to the past. To me that only enriched everything, not the pinnacle of my interest in this initially. Anyway…let’s continue

Chapter 2: Enjoying the concept material

In my opinion, the first couple of arcs with x-force seemed like they had promise. They had a lot of interesting stuff going on. Take this for example.

Colossus, a mutant that everyone has heard of and it known for his heroism snaps the neck of this random mutant…THAT RAISES HUGE FRICKING QUESTIONS OF YOU ASK ME! Like why is he killing people? What’s the importance of this character to him? Based on how this is drawn it looks as if he struggled to kill her even though his face doesn’t portray that, the veins on his muscles do. Speaking of the art colossus looks more cold and distant being in his metal form…and every time I saw him before he never gave me that impression. It was always more light hearted rage fulled or disappointed dad (thanks Deadpool 2), but never cold murder. a more underrated question, HOW OLD IS COLOSSUS?! I mean he has a fricken beard now…didn’t know he could grow one.

Or…what about this!

Why does Jean look so…classic and basic in her design? Compared to Wolverine and Hank she doesn’t look like she belongs there. Even though she’s going through Omega Red’s mind she seems to be the odd one out. Speak of designs why does Hank got mad scientist energy now? Wolverine…more understandable since I’m pretty sure this guys a villain. Although this looks more painful than any super hero interrogation I’ve ever seen before. This doesn’t even look like interrogation, this looks like torture.

What really caught my eye in all this was the moral ambiguity at play here. Reading early x-force a lot of that was present, and as some one who loves seeing situations within the grey area this satisfied me greatly. Look at this conversation between beast and Jean.

Now I’ll address this later, but look at the points they make. Normally the X-Men are depicted as people who want coexistence between humans and mutants, yet here Jean weights the two evils and says lying is for humans not mutants. She views that as the bones honest path for x-force than what beast did.

Although beast, surpassingly, does have a point. A lie would only suffocate the process needed to save their nation. They already have enemies who would want nothing more than to harm them, so what’s the point in letting them strategize when he can just kill then now? Why should let billions die in the future when we can kill one person now and save billions?

Do the end’s justify the means…that’s for you to decide.

As for me though I’m picking up so many mixed signals here from beast on this one. Look his eyes, their blackened, this is mostly for evil, corrupted, shady, malevolent intent. Yet there’s a sense of honesty when beast confesses his mindset here. It’s almost as if he himself doesn’t enjoy the ruthless calculus of war at affect here. He hates himself for it. He wishes he could be on Jean side and yet after experiencing so much pain and damage he doesn’t see the point in being hesitant with those who want to hurt you. For him the line was drawn when they even had a thought of hurting Krakoa. Even Jean, who has her back turned towards him, seems to be getting what he’s saying. In some way she gets it. But she doesn’t want to get it, she doesn’t want to understand his reasoning but she does.

First time I read this I was stunned! Like all this was just one panel?! Wow! I really hope this continues onward. I would love to see every character get this much depth in them!

I could go on here for ages about this stuff, but if you really read x-force this is kinda what it’s about. At least until we get towards the end…which is where I started to realize the issues in all this beauty.

Chapter 3: Problems in paradise

Remember when I talk about how much I adored the concepts of what I was seeing? How much I loved what the art brought to the table so subtlety? Well…look at this.

Do you see anything wrong with it? Probably not. And honestly I didn’t either when first viewing this.

Just colossus suspiciously murdering someone. Initially I didn’t think much of this because I thought, “hasn’t he killed before? Why put such emphasis on this one?” But look back x-men history the writers and artist always illustrate the emotional distress of colossus murdering any one. He has never taken any pleasure in doing it, and he hardly does it. So when he does do it you gotta ask, “what did that person do to deserve that response from him?”

Anyway we’re getting side tracked here. Next photo.

Do you see a problem here? Again probably nothing. Art looks great, nothing outstanding but nothing terrible either.

On to the last photo.

Did you spot the issue? No? Well, just look at the number on the top left and right side of the photos. Do you see it now? I’ll explain. The first time we see colossus arc really begin is in the 24 issue of the comic. The next time we see it is in issue number 39. The very end of the arc is issue number 46. You could argue that his arc spanned several issues in between them…I wished it played out like that. The reason why I chose these 3 photos is due to them being the only time we see the colossus arc take center stage. Now you probably asking, ‘okay so if his arc wasn’t taking center stage then what was?’

This is what was taking place:

Change in X-Force leadership

The quiet council putting colossus as a member.

Beast going rogue and wolverine in pursuit of him

Kid omega disappearing in a fight after a corrupted Cerebro goes on the loose.

Kid Omega coming back, not really a kid anymore, but he has x-force follow to the future to deal with beast.

Beast and wolverine have a massive fight.

The build up to the Fall of Next before it was officially dubbed so. And so much more.

All of this was happening alongside the colossus subplot, it’s a boring waiting game. For someone reading this for the first time it felt like watching an amazing episode air for the first time only to wait a week or two later for the next episode. (Disney plus)…

But it wasn’t a week or two long it was YEARS! Years for a plot that could have being unraveled by some common sense by professor x only for it to never happen, despite them being in the same room with each other so many times! You literally see him on the quiet council every single day and get you don’t ask how he’s doing? Especially after seeing his behavior towards his own teammates?!

To his lover at one point?!

Thematically this works…but for the viewer this feels scattered and rushed. Hell the photo on top isn’t even from X-Force it’s from Immortal X-Men! Why is his arc being stretched like this, only to have no impact on x-force directly? I get it, if we spread out colossus influence it will show the readers how big of a problem this really is. The ripple effects of you will. But when the ripple effects don’t lead anywhere for a long time, constantly put to the sidelines by other major events, and then given a mediocre finale it doesn’t increase the impact it lessens it.

Not to mention the conclusion of this arc is simply colossus killing his brother which is earned don’t get me wrong, I loved that. His brother deserved death. But the very second we see colossus again it’s with x-force as if nothing happened. I don’t even remember if we had a conversation or a look into colossus psyche after everything happened. It’s just straight to the Fall of X which is already happening by issue number 43.

This doesn’t even stop at colossus though, domino has that same issue. Being skinned alive, tortured by an forgettable villain, and having it all be undone by a res set button called resurrection just feels wrong. Makes it seem pointless…

The true tragedy by far isn’t even those characters…it’s by the series main stars of the show.

Chapter 4: Beast Agenda Finale/Shattering my expectations

So Wolverine vs Beast. Again, another great concept from X-forces writers and editors. And another disappointment. Why? Because every time we get close to the conclusion to their huge fight beast manages to slip away. This one…this one got me the most upset. I remember waiting around for ages to see the conclusion of this arc, this cover art didn’t help.

Yet, despite the lies this cover baited you with we don’t even get close to the finale of the beast saga. He runs away, and the only thing that does die in this issue is just beast many clones. Boring, and useless.

But you want to know what really left a nasty scar on me during this arc. The characterization.

Was gonna show an example but I reached the picture limit…didn’t even know there was one.

Anyway, what I mean is characters don’t talk naturally. It’s always it either drive forward the conflict or to build up the conflict. There’s rarely any moments we’re characters just talk about what’s going on in their lives. It’s just moment to moment action. Feels lifeless.

Going back to beast, after reading what people think of this version of beast…I see where your coming from I truly do, but I love this version of beast. He’s actually the incarnation that got me interested in every other version of the character because his actions had context and if you had the context it would enrich the actions of this character. It wasn’t required but you were rewarded for doing so. Despite his very obvious flaws he has a point in a some of what he does. Or at least there’s an external reason that tragic on why he feels the need to do this. As explained with the Jean and Hank conversation I’d like to think the reason why Hank is fighting so hard for this country is because everyone saw what happened to Genosha! No one wants their homes to be destroyed by those who hate them the most. Not even that but it shows how broken Hank truly is from everything…that’s depressing yet intriguing to read.

And I wished this version of the character was treated with the same respect as the other incarnations and not given a shitty finale. A finale that completely reboots his character and pretty much states to the readers that we as the writers are done with this character and all that hyped up facade was worth nothing…no redemption and no future. It just hurts…and as I go back into the past to see better conclusions for this character I fear this version of the character could fall future and future down the rabbit hole.

This is why I hate reboots.

Last thing I want to say on this character is the art. What. The F@$&. Happened.

Beast (Prime), as he is referred to now, looks the exact same as the one in the past. For anyone thematic reason this could have, all I get from this is laziness. From an artist and thematic lens’s they should be different. If they had made them both different it would hit home how time has really change these characters. But since they look the same I guess that nuance also doesn’t mean anything. The art used to be diverse and fun while also being serious and dark. Now it’s just flare and boring not to mention lifeless. It’s just another pointless experiment for a pointless finale.

Anyway, thanks for reading this very long post, took me about 4 hours to finish this. Had a lot to say obviously 😂. Hope this gets you to understand how I feel about this whole thing, anyways thanks for reading and take care! Oh and if you want a better deep dive into the personality of both beast go to @positivelybeastly he does a wonderful job on that front.

[alhyari-art]

Creating Characters That Resonate: Some Tips for Memorable Designs

"While tools play a role, it’s our vision that truly matters”

You know that feeling when you see a character from a game, a painting, or a comic and you instantly fall in love with it? It's not just because it looks cool or cute. It's because it has a personality and a story that shines through its appearance. That's what I love about character design: the ability to create characters that make people feel something.

If you are interested in learning the basics of this art form, there are many resources available online 😅. (I will create some tutorials on this soon.) But now I'm not here to lecture you on anatomy or color theory. Instead, I'll share some of my personal tips on how to make your characters unique and engaging for your audience.

Tip 1: Dive Deep into Your Character’s World

Kickstart your design process with inspiration from your own world. This personal touch not only enriches your art but also adds depth and more meaning to your creative process.

Consider this school bully who is based on.. a person I used to know. He’s probably off picking his nose when he’s not on the page! Can you spot him?

See the bully's backpack 😈? (Illustrated for Swish! by Mahmoud Elzein.)

It’s all about discovering those tiny personal connections that breathe life into a character. Brainstorm with character profiles, create mood boards, and try to figure out “what’s in their pockets”. I’ve found that writing dialogues for my characters helps me visualize their personalities better. Honestly, half the time, I’m imagining how they would annoy each other offscreen!

Tip 2: Play with Shapes to Highlight Inner Conflict

To emphasize a character's inner turmoil, you can use contrasting shapes. By smoothing the edges of sharp shapes, you can reduce the contrast and reveal different aspects of the character.

“Good or bad?,” I always ask my students.

Experiment with different sizes and shapes and make your characters captivating enough that your viewers accept the visual logic of your art worlds.

Imagine a gorilla 🦍 and a bee 🐝 as friends in a picture book. How would you draw them in relation to each other?

A good way to enhance the narrative and ease the tension is to break down the character shapes. For example, the bully in Swish! looked threatening at first, but I used his soft facial traits to show his insecurity. I also gave him a loose shoelace to imply that he is not totally in control.

Even the smallest details can tell a story about your character. (Illustrated for Swish! by Mahmoud Elzein.)

Tip 3: Harness the Power of Color and Value

Contrast is key! Opt for vibrant characters against muted backgrounds, experiment with warm and cool tones, and introduce pops of light against deep shadows for visual drama.

Contrast and lighting for drama.

Challenge yourself with limited color palettes. This forces you to think creatively and adds an unexpected layer of unity to your work. For the ‘Museum Heist’ piece, I used shades of blue, and it was gratifying when viewers, even those not from the art world, noticed how it influenced the piece.

The blue tones were a fun challenge 💎

Tip 4: Sprinkle in Details and Accessories

I take sneaky joy in hiding personal details within my illustrations. Maybe it’s my old license plate or a memento from my parents. Details like faded scars and mended clothes add layers to your characters and imply a history, giving them more depth.

Can you find all the hidden secrets in Ella the Gorilla's room? 🔎 Let's play in the comments! (Book by Mawya Alfadda and Rama Al-Sahreef)

Tip 5: Push the Boundaries with Expressions

Imagine yourself as the director of the scene and your characters as the actors. Hire the best actors and make sure they come with the best: pose, gestures, and outfit, and nail the whole performance.

Don’t just copy the reference! Exaggerate those eye positions, play with asymmetrical half-expressions – this keeps things lively and adds charm.

Never be afraid to push your reference photos for more whatever-you-call-this characters! 😄

Tip 6: Seek Feedback and Refine

Discord and Telegram groups have been invaluable for me – asking targeted questions (like “Does anything feel off?”) gets me feedback way beyond just “looks nice!”.

How people interact with your WIPs speaks volumes. Don’t just listen to words, watch how long they engage and which elements draw their eyes.

My wife and kids are a great help, especially for children’s book and game art. They notice what I often overlook. I sometimes get annoyed when they don’t like something (I worked on for long), but I know it’s not personal. After all, they’re the best early test for my work.

Bringing It All Together

Character design isn’t just about drawing – it’s about infusing them with personality and emotion that resonates. Let’s keep the conversation going! Share your favorite character design tips in the comments below 👇

[zablionsea]

What's going on? It sure is - Arcade Edition

I took photos of my what the cat plush at local arcades where I lived before moving. Here are those:

The critter in my purse on the way to meow's first arcade visit. Love the way its little eyes are peeking out :3

I ended up replacing this purse a month or so after with a canvas purse. It tore a hole, and I decided it wasn't worth replacing with another crappy nylon one.

A visit to Groove Coaster (I think it was 4) before the servers shut off. Rest in peace, pal.

.....I'll make this wordplay again: WhatCat re:||VERSE.

I'm not very good at this game, but I figured meow should visit a bullet hell for enrichment.

Ah yes, meow visits the land from which meow's friend Jonathan originated. (also this was my first time playing PIU, hence, why I can't handle a 4) (I mean I still can't now, but that's not the point SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

Then came later trips, to the same arcade.

Behold, bisexual what.

meow looks content, perhaps Exceed Gear reminds meow of a similarly-named weapon style in a certain NOISZ arcade port... who's to say?

A little spot just for meow to rest.

Looks like Sumire and Hitori aren't the only phoenixes meow has gotten to meet, after this.

My last visit, which was to a different arcade than the previous ones. It's farther away, but generally has a better selection (important to me is maimai and Taiko no Tatsujin). Also, there's local server support for WACCA Reverse, which was great to use. The save data even carried over to where I moved, so that was good to find out (I didn't know how that worked at the time)

I got very lucky with Puyo Puyo Fever being brought back onto the arcade floor during my last visit before moving. The presence of this game is what caused me to discover the wonderful local arcade that housed it. I even wrote a paper for high school about the joyous experience of going to what felt like gamer heaven for the very first time. It's so fitting my last time here mirrored my first time, in that way.

What also got to see I believe Mr. Driller G, which was very cool. I'm bad at this game, but I had fun anyway. Getting to see this and play it was exciting in of itself. I really need to get Mr. Driller Drill Land for my Switch one of these days.

Vivid Wave was fun, although as a newbie with no e-amuse card, I generally didn't notice any significant difference between this and Exceed Gear. Still, was fun.

Funny thing is that I believe I knew from hearsay that MARENOL was in vivid/stasis as some sort of secret boss but hadn't unlocked it myself (based on my achievements timestamps).

That final visit is special to me, not only because of how much mental real estate this arcade has taken up for me over the years but also my first time playing an arcade rhythm game with other people. Two friends (or perhaps a couple? Idk) were playing maimai FiNALE and played with me, and I had fun even if it was awkward as hell ahaha.

It was a good note to leave my home state on and begin the next chapter of my life.

...

Finally, a bonus photo of what with my DS/3DS game cases, which are currently packed into a cardboard box ready to be loaded onto the moving truck:

[innbetween]

Happy Audio Drama Sunday! This week we'd like to tell you about the crew that makes this show work! You already know me, Hannah Wright, I write and direct the show, but I couldn't do this alone.

William Wright is our assistant director and my actual real life brother. He's a fount of good vibes and good ideas; he sits in on every recording session, directs when I cannot, and when we were recording in person, served as gopher as well. (Listen, I didn't mean to leave the computer charger at home...) His moral support is invaluable.

Katherine Ayers is our audio wizard, which means she makes the sound go. She is an absolute legend for one reason: she likes dialogue editing. She enjoys the bit where you make all the lines go in the right place and stuff. I don't know anything about audio, but I'm told that makes her a rare gem, and I'm like, I already knew that! Katherine is the reason this show happened, enriching our show with her audio editing expertise. She makes us all sound good!

Ria Couoh is our transcriber. Accessibility is important to us, and one of the easiest ways to make Inn Between accessible is to have accurate, complete, beautiful transcripts in multiple formats. And can I just say that I hate doing that part? I am so glad that Ria takes the time to make those transcripts, so that everyone can enjoy Inn Between!

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Tal Minear, who we brought on as a crowdfunding consultant and then decided just because to make ALL OF OUR CUTE GRAPHICS. The things we’re posting every day? Tal did that! Using, it must be said, Canva assets from the artist Marx Fidel!

Jordan Kalina is a new addition to our show this season! Jordan has joined us as a director and consultant to teach myself and one of our actors how to approach panic attacks with respect and like, safely. So that no one hyperventilates. For Jordan's expertise, we are so grateful.

We also have a mystery sensitivity reader, who we are lucky enough to have consulting us on physical disabilities. Why is her identity a mystery? Because she's also playing Phoebe! We will reveal her name in just a couple days.

Don't you want to help us pay these nice people? Of course you do! Help us fund Inn Between season five!

[raccoonfallsharder]

uggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I love teaching. I do. It's a joy. Its fulfilling. But jesus christ dude, when I have to write an essay on how I'm developing my students' numeracy skills in visual art by making a grid drawing resource I want to pluck out my eyeballs. THOSE ARE THE THINGS I SEE THE ART WITH.

But! I showed my friend the resource booklet I made and she said I was a great teacher and I teared up so it's not all bad <3

bet you dollars to yesterday’s stale, half-priced doughnuts that the the venn diagram of people who think that human creativity is only as good as the capital it can generate, people who think being able to undercut creatives’ crafts and livelihoods (acting, painting, songwriting, scriptwriting, etc) with AI “art” is a good thing, and people who make you write essays on developing students’ numeracy skills through art is mostly just an enormous fuckin circle (i mean i assume this is something you're being told to write, not something you were genuinely excited about because obviously people do learn many other skills through the act of creation too, but you sound annoyed so i'm sort of expecting this is a requirement set forth by your admin or schoolboard or governing body or whatever)

ANYWAY you probably didn’t come here to read me on my soapbox. instead let me just tell you that the work art teachers do - despite going unrecognized by nearly everyone - is some of the most important and life-affirming work out there. (i suspect you know this but it can be good to be reminded). the arts cultivate empathy. they are the things that make life good. they are the things that help us connect - not only from person to person in the here and now, but through time. they are a way to speak another language, and to speak it into the future. you are giving your students bites of that most precious and soul-nourishing meal and i for one am thankful for it

hear me out: art & human creativity are essentially jump-points in the vast fuckin emptiness of space and you are their navigator, teaching them how to see and how to travel, and that is so precious and enriching and the world needs more art teachers tbh

anyway you’re a precious sparkly little bluebell full of pollen in may, waking up the fat fluffy bees with a beautiful breakfast after they have been sleeping all winter, and i love you and i hope today is better

[pluto-art]

Cerebrum - Board Update

Now that I’ve quit my job working at a laboratory I can now, hilariously, get back to my storyboard on... mice in a laboratory. Feels so good to work on my project again and actually have energy for it. (Trust me, I really liked the job, which was basically animal husbandry and caring for lab animals, but the way corporate and management ran things was ATROCIOUS. Most stressful position I’ve ever had. Not just that department either, but the entire medical facility. So many overworked, underpaid, frustrated people there. It was horrible.) I’m now working part-time for a friend doing animation. All my years of saying I’d never animate as a job has come back to bite me in the butt.

Thank you, by the way, for all of your kind tags/comments on the last piece I uploaded. I read them all and they’re much appreciated. Sorry I haven’t responded to each of you individually. It’s not for lack of caring, but because I’m very... hesitant to interact much online or with friends. I honestly don’t know how to reintegrate myself into community at this point in time other than just... posting what I love. I’m scared. I’m sorry.

Below is what I’ve been working on since leaving my last position -- thirteen board pages of “Cerebrum”. The first nine were already done beforehand. Trigger warning for animal testing, needles, near-drowning, and a character in peril. Yes, I’m still very much into the macabre. Nothing has changed there.

You can also view the board here, on the “Cerebrum” website. More information about laboratory life at the very end.

This story is partially based on old lab practices, partially steeped in fiction, and partially referring to actual laboratory practices (still) done today.

Old Practices: - catching mice in the wild; very outdated - forced swim test; technically still used (?), but might be getting phased out

Fiction: - cage structure and placement; may have been more accurate years ago - grabbing a mouse around the middle and the last two holding techniques

Current Practices: - grabbing a mouse by the tail; yes, this is done, but you grab it near the middle or base so as to not cause the animal any harm - shots/injections - ear tagging - scruffing (doesn’t hurt them at all)

Some will complain about animal torture. Let me tell you something: Those animals were treated incredibly well, considering the situation they were in. The air they breath and the water they drink is cleaner than ours. Everything is kept as spotless as possible. There are tight regulations about how suited up you are according to what rooms you are in, how you handle the animals, and making sure all of the little cute fuzzes (and the livestock) have adequate food, water, and soft bedding. The pigs are given toys to play with and nice music to listen to (the pigs seemed legit happy; not a care in the world; they were kinda spoiled, actually), the birds are given a huge cage to fly around in, the rodents and ferrets are given enrichment, and the staff genuinely cares about their animals. No animal is allowed to suffer beyond what is necessary (meaning, what the test requires, and this is under regulation and must be permitted; if there is no other way to avoid pain for a test, it must be approved before being enacted; you can read about this online). As soon as an animal looks to be under the weather, it is reported and the veterinary staff quickly determines whether to administer healing medication or have the animal humanely euthanized. I am saying all of this to dispel any concern that anyone may have about what is conducted behind closed doors. It is unfortunate that animals are still being tested, but I understand why, as do the people conducting said tests. Nobody likes doing it. The folks there legit care about their animals. It was very comforting to see. Also, despite the fact that corporate sucked, the work itself was a mix between very standard and very interesting.

And, yes, there were white mice and they were the friendliest models.

[caintooth]

you give off grad student vibes; are you?

yeah i’m a grad student, like, spiritually ;) no LMAO i’m kidding it would be fucked if someone actually claimed that

real answer tho, no i’m not currently! i’m taking some time off to work a job, have hobbies, and be a “student of life” or whatever, which is what i was trying to convey with that bad intro joke.

so, this is way more than you asked for, but… idk i’ve been meaning to say a lot of this for a while and writing it all out felt good, so unfortunately your ask is now the base for it lmao!

i think it’s important to talk about academic stress and how it can ruin not just your love of learning, but your sense of self.

for background info, i have a general Associate of Arts degree, and a Bachelor of Arts degree for which i completed a comparative literature major, with an ‘official’ focus in creative writing (though ‘personal’ focus in poetry, video games, film, and the fluidity between those mediums), and a minor in religious studies. i graduated in may of this year.

now, as a child, my mom was very harsh about school, to the point that my cousins would not want to come over during summer breaks because they knew we would be doing some sort of worksheets that my mother had designed. my “free” time was filled with non-stop educational camps, day classes, documentary watching, museum trips with worksheets, etc. until i was about age 14. and i do know that on one hand i am extraordinarily privileged to have had those experiences, and i am very thankful for them! but the reason those stopped is because i also grew up with several undiagnosed, thus untreated and increasingly severe mental illnesses. so i’m sure you can make the connections necessary to see how… damaging… my mother’s academic pressure became. i didn’t continue with further extracurricular programs because i ceased to be able to go even to regular school. my anxiety, both academic and social, became so severe that i was placed on a local program called “home hospital school”, which is normally reserved for terminally ill patients. i eventually transferred to an “early college” program because i could not go back to “regular” high school and at that point, wanted to be done with school as quickly as possible.

i took a gap year after graduating with both my high school and 2-year college degree on the same day. i was terrified and exhausted and having regular breakdowns about having to apply for more undergraduate classes. eventually i applied to 2 programs just to appease my mother that i would have at least one school and a “back-up,” and my first choice was the program at UNC-CH i just graduated from. i attended therapy just to push myself to do those applications.

and the first half of my time at UNC was… terrifying and confusing. i didn’t know what i actually “wanted” to do with my life let alone my day-to-day time, what i enjoyed, or why i was there. my dissociative disorder grew worse during that time than it had in my entire life. but eventually, being away from my mother gave me the chance to explore topics i never thought were even possible in an academic space! i took classes where we played video games for an hour straight, talked about the social origins of different urban legends, dissected how people fall for conspiracy theories, excitedly discussed queer and disabled life as a form of radical resistance… i even got so lucky that in my senior year, i was able to take only the classes i wanted and had chosen for personal enrichment.

what i’m trying to say is that i’d forgotten that learning could be fun. the reason my mom pushed me so hard in the first place, that little spark she saw in my eye: i fucking love learning, i love to discover, to fuel my curiosity, to ask dangerous questions. i love digging into the meat of life and finding out why and how. because it helps me understand more about myself, my friends, my passions. i spent so long doing what my mother wanted that i no longer knew what i wanted, or who i even was outside of her expectations.

which is exactly the reason i can’t go back to school right now. what i hope anyone still reading takes away from my words is this: if the subject doesn’t make you hungry for more, it’s not the subject for you. if you’ve spent so long being force-fed that you can’t remember what’s actually good to eat anymore? you must re-learn not only how to chew, but how to truly taste your food.

‘cause personally i feel like i need to stock my kitchen with so many more ingredients before i’ll be ready to cook the meal i truly want, y’know? and i know some of those ingredients i probably don’t even know the name of yet. to go back to school right now would be limiting for me. i’m pirating anthropology essays, experimenting with new photography methods, taking metalworking classes, writing a fake thesis about my favorite band, reading and reading and reading whatever the hell i want about any weird subject that strikes me. i’m expanding my goddamn palate.

[mariana-oconnor]

The Five Orange Pips pt 1

the adventure of the Paradol Chamber, of the Amateur Mendicant Society, who held a luxurious club in the lower vault of a furniture warehouse, of the facts connected with the loss of the British bark Sophy Anderson, of the singular adventures of the Grice Patersons in the island of Uffa, and finally of the Camberwell poisoning case

Another round of 'look at all the fun cases I won't be talking about today 🤣. I feel like the Amateur Mendicant Society is a bit like Neville St Clair, as mendicant means beggar, so it feels like a group of people who dress up as beggars for the fun of it. Paradol is apparently a chemical found in peppers and ginger that makes it spicy, but I have no indication of when that chemical was first named, so whotf knows what that was about.

It was in the latter days of September, and the equinoctial gales had set in with exceptional violence. All day the wind had screamed and the rain had beaten against the windows, so that even here in the heart of great, hand-made London we were forced to raise our minds for the instant from the routine of life and to recognize the presence of those great elemental forces which shriek at mankind through the bars of his civilization, like untamed beasts in a cage.

I love this description. It's so extra. Also the phrase 'equinoctial gales' is lovely. Watson, you should have taken up poetry.

My wife was on a visit to her mother's, and for a few days I was a dweller once more in my old quarters at Baker Street.

Watson can't be left alone for more than a day at a time. Mary had to ask Sherlock to Watson-sit for her as she went to see her 'mother' *winkwink*. He needs enrichment in his enclosure.

He stretched out his long arm to turn the lamp away from himself and towards the vacant chair upon which a newcomer must sit.

Interrogation lighting! WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?!

"You have come up from the south-west, I see." "Yes, from Horsham." "That clay and chalk mixture which I see upon your toe caps is quite distinctive." "I have come for advice."

Sorry, Holmes. This guy does not gaf about your creepy knowledge of clay and chalk mixes.

AH... hello racism. All the racism... So much racism. I mean, I know the story so yeah... but dear god if ever there were a literary character who deserved to die, it's this one. Fuuuuuck Elias Openshaw.

'My God, my God, my sins have overtaken me!'

The world's tiniest violin was unable to perform because it did not give a fuck.

" 'I wish you, John,' said my uncle, 'to witness my will. I leave my estate, with all its advantages and all its disadvantages, to my brother, your father, whence it will, no doubt, descend to you. If you can enjoy it in peace, well and good! If you find you cannot, take my advice, my boy, and leave it to your deadliest enemy."

Well that's one way to say you always hated your sibling. And also to tell your nephew you hate him too. This guy is the absolute worst in so many ways. Like he just keeps piling on more reasons that he's the worst onto the already huge steaming pile. Yes, the people hunting him are even worse, but he's still just a terrible terrible person.

We found him, when we went to search for him, face downward in a little green-scummed pool, which lay at the foot of the garden.

A fitting place for him to be.

No, I will not be feeling any sorrow at his passing.

I'm sorry that his brother's getting the same treatment, though. He doesn't seem like the most pleasant person in the world, but the fact he doesn't know what the initials stand for already puts him head and shoulders above his dead brother.

The attitude of his son to Elias and his war record and postwar activity doesn't exactly indicate that the pair of them are not-racist, though. But they don't appear to have actively murdered anybody or fought in order to perpetuate slavery, so... the bar is low. The bar is really really low on this one. Is there somewhere lower than the centre of the Earth's core?

And the threat of death for something they know nothing about... which, why did Elias not tell people what the fuck was going on? Why did he not...? Well, we'll get onto that bit. Just fuck Elias. Really, truly, Fuck Elias Openshaw.