#i mean i care enough not to try but. we know hwat i mean. i think.

[todayisafridaynight]

YOURE SO RIGHT DEAD SOULS DAIGO WAS SO GOOFY he’s so dumb he needs to come home

daigo got to be prevalent for more than twenty seconds and it was the best thing rgg ever did and this is why dead souls is canon and good and should get a remake

[rueluxprince]

How Much Shit Could’ve Been Avoided Had Jin Zixuan Been Even A Little Bit Politically Aware. As He Should’ve. Part 2

Jin Zixuan: “I like Jiang Yanli. I really really like her. Would totally die for her one of these days but she probably wouldn’t let me. I want to properly propose to her again. And I think a marriage alliance with the Jiang sect would be quite advantageous as well. But they have to be really strong to be truly helpful...”

A few hours later.

Jin Zixuan: *kicking down the doors of Lotus Pier* WHATUP JIANG CHENG I COME BEARING MONEY AND WORKERS AND REBUILDING SUPPLIES WHY ARE YOU BRING ZIDIAN OUT!”

Jiang Cheng: “hwat the fucke?”

Jin Zixuan: “I’m helping you rebuild! You’re my fiancé’s clan so it’s well within my rights! A-Yao is doing the same with the Lan sect! You don’t want to fall behind the other Four Greats right?”

Jiang Cheng: “ahdkahdkamxoanka fuck you bring it in”

Jin Zixuan: “lovely! Put in a good word to Lady Jiang for me would you! Okay why do you have your sword out?!”

Scene break.

Jin Zixuan: “Ahhhhhhh i talked to her! About flowers! Ahhhhhh I have to go talk to her again! AAhhhhhhhh! I should bring her pastries next time! But what kinds does she like? I should probably ask her brothers shouldn’t I? Speaking of, those two have been getting testy with each other lately, too much arguing, not enough teamwork. At this rate they’re gonna fracture the entire Jiang sect and they’ll lose influence! That can’t do...”

A few days later.

Jiang Yanli: “Young Master Jin, what are you doing here? Sitting on the steps?”

Jin Zixuan: “oh! Lady Jiang! Um! I! Well! The thing is! I LOCKED YOUR BROTHERS IN A ROOM TO SORT OUT THEIR DIFFERENCES! I’M SITTING OUT HERE TO SEE IF THEY HAVE REACHED AN UNDERSTANDING AND RECONCILED!”

Jiang Yanli: “oh! That’s. Very nice of you. Thank you!”

Jin Zixuan: “PLEASE DON’T MENTION IT! THE CONTINUED PROSPERITY OF THE JIANG SECT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME! AS LADY JIANG IS ALSO! VERY IMPORTANT!”

Jiang Yanli: “that’s... good to hear. I made some soup today, I don’t think they’re breaking through those talismans anytime soon. Would you like to come and take some?”

Jin Zixuan: “I WOULD BE DELIGHTED!”

A few hours later, after much delightful soup and losing terribly at three rounds of cards, Jin Zixuan let the two brothers out. Their eyes are rimmed red and their sleeves are ripped, and they both punched him in the face when they saw him, but all in all the air felt lighter, so Zixuan counts it as a job well done.

Scene break.

Jin Zixuan: “just a heads up my Father is building a movement against Wei Wuxian.”

Jiang Wanyin: “why the fuck?”

Jin Zixuan: “apparently he wants the Stygian Tiger Amulet. For power. Mostly power. A-Yao is keeping an eye on it.”

Jiang Cheng: “why are you telling me this?”

Jin Zixuan: “... on a personal level, I’m your family. On a moral level, I really don’t agree with what Father’s been doing lately. On a political level, keeping my in-laws strong and united means I keep more support, and you do too. So I’m really supposed to do this.”

Jiang Cheng: “fuck you how are we going to solve this?”

Jin Zixuan: “no idea. I’ll ask A-Yao. In the meantime just defend your brother at every chance possible. They can’t poke at a lamb if there’s a dragon behind it warning them away.”

Wei Wuxian, eavesdropping outside: “I’m no lamb!!!”

Jiang Cheng: “have you been here the entire time Wait is that A-Jie’s soup DID YOU EAT ALL OF IT?!?!!!!”

Scene break.

Jin Zixuan: “hey Jiang Cheng!”

Jiang Cheng: “why the fuck are there Wens in my receiving room?”

Jin Zixuan: “I brought them here because my Father was torturing them and working them to death for entertainment! One of them mentioned you would help them so”

Wen Ning: *waves shyly*

Jiang Cheng: “... what did your father think about this?”

Jin Zixuan: “oh he doesn’t know. He never leaves Koi Tower so me and A-Yao have been fabricating reports.”

Jiang Cheng: “... and no one else is going to tell him this?”

Jin Zixuan: “nope.”

Jiang Cheng: “...”

Jiang Cheng: “you’re paying for their Jiang sect uniforms. And if that’s Wei Wuxian about to give a baby his demon flute please smack his head for me.”

Scene break.

Jiang Cheng: “so your father has suffered a terrible accident.”

Jin Zixuan: “yes.”

Jiang Cheng: “... will he ever recover?”

Jin Zixuan: “probably not. Our physicians aren’t very confident.”

Jiang Cheng: “...”

Wei Wuxian: “want to pick some lotus flowers to take your mind off it?”

Jin Zixuan: “yeah why not”

Epilogue:

Jin Zixuan, kicking down the doors of Lotus Pier: “JIANG CHENG! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! AN OVERGROWN MUSCLEHEAD IS TRYING TO STEAL MY SIBLING AWAY INTO MARRIAGE!!!!”

Jiang Cheng: “...”

Jin Zixuan: “I WILL NEVER ACCEPT THIS! NO ONE IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR A-YAO!”

Wei Wuxian: “...”

Jin Zixuan: “HOW CAN LOVE BE SO BLIND! HOW CAN FATE DO THIS TO MY SWEET AND HAPLESS ANGEL!”

Jiang Cheng: “didn’t you say you had to talk Jin Guangyao out of just straight up murdering your father?”

Wei Wuxian: “yeah he’s a vicious piece of work. Knew there’s a reason I liked him”

Jin Zixuan: “NO WAY AM I ACCEPTING THIS MARRIAGE! I DON’T CARE WHAT DOWRY THE LAN SECT GIVES ME IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH!”

Lan Wangji: “...”

[icharchivist]

Lavi learning about the abuses Allen went through would be interesting in adding another layer to his insight into humanity. A part of Lavi's bookman hard cold logic mentality could rationalize the extremes rhe Order committed for survival (not that he'd like it). But the people who hurt Allen, at and before the circus, don't have that excuse. They really would fit Lavi's stupid and violent view of humanity he had pre Order/Allen. But unlike Lavi, Allen still choose to see love and goodness-

2 in the end. He saw the loving bond between Mana and his dog. He recieved the warmth Allen the dog gave him and mourned his death openly. He felt guilty for hurting Mana and wanted to make up for it. He also still wanted to get and give love despite not having any memory of experiencing it pre Mana. I think that's what confounds Lavi the most. Lavi's seen evil and just made himself cold/indifferent to everyone non bookman. In Lavi's eyes, Allen can see past the ugliness and love what needs to-

3 be loved. No matter how much it hurts, Allen still walks forward. I think Lavi does wish he could have done that too. It's just interesting because Lavi could have been the type to resent Allen for his kindness and outlook. Instead the first sign of Allen being different made him change his whole outlook. Like he had become that little 6 yr old again venturing into new territory. He'd probably feel that way again if he knew just how horrible Allen's past was and how much that drove Allen.

YES exactly! 

This was exactly what I meant in a previous ask about “cruelty hiding behind a purpose” bc in war this is what you see.Of course there are sadistic scary people who are only there to hurt people, but they will all hide behind whatever purpose the war has to offer. Even Lavi being tortured atm by a brunch of sadistic genocidal guys is litterally for the purpose to get information. 

But hwat happened to Allen had no rhyme nor reason and it is not exactly the kind of suffering Lavi would be used by. Humanity sucks, yeah, he’s seen it in wars, but battlefields is not always the best way to get to know humanity per se. Sure, humans who keep themselves into those wars - those politics who send people to die for their battles, the hopeful who die young, the horrors, the people who take advantage of it, the people who do horrors trying to stop the war “end justifying the means” type, the collateral damages and how civilians can respond with fear, while others may show out their selfishness - all of this is a specific set of humanity that is nothing alike Anything Allen even went through. 

And it’s ofc not saying that those wars weren’t traumatic to start with don’t get me wrong, I think that for Lavi to cope with such emotional distachement those wars had been plenty traumatic in their own way. what i mean is that, Lavi is prepared for the cruelty that comes with war. Not those that comes with the regular world.

The thing is that Lavi had to learn to cope very early and his exemple was Bookman who told him to shut off his emotions. I mean, Lavi got wounded by a straybullet on a battlefield when he was 7, one year after he started his recording duty. Even if Bookman is a loving father figure as much as possible, the uprising of the Bookmen is Not Healthy. Especially not for a child who has to process countless of horrors. 

So to shut down his emotions seemed the normal course of action to take. And from tunning down your emotions you lack your ability to care, by keeping your heart under locks you don’t let anything touches you. 

And... it’s interesting because without Mana we can’t know how Allen would have been. He would have been bitter perhaps. When you look at last chapter, it seems like fighting with Cosimo wasn’t a first time thing considering how quick Allen was to react - yet you can see that Allen still had a confrontational behavior, he didn’t let things happen to him. He had to be beaten into submission and apologizing and then emotionally abused in order to keep him back in track. Yet we still see him refusing his situation, rejecting it. Even as a kid. He was full of anger but he didn’t accept it. Even when he was forced to.

Having Mana and the dog had been salvator for Allen. Some people he could pour his hearts onto, people who would give him warmth, people who would make sure his feelings were valid. After all even we do have a scene of Mana helping Allen process his grief toward the dog.  And Allen was young enough to still form himself around that.

There’s something i’ve been told in therapy that the environment you were at at 7yo  can change your entiere development as of then, since it’s when your brain really is starting to try to make sense of the world around you in more personal details. 

Lavi was on battlefield at that point, seeing people dying and dying and dying. Allen was at that damn circus, with cruel people, but he met Mana and started to travel with him right at that time.  And they had to give logic to their life experience so far, both of them. 

tbh I wonder if Bookman slightly dotting Lavi when he was in convalescence might not have made it impossible for Lavi to be completely emotionless because of that one spurr of love Bookman let in (even if then Bookman had always reproached him the thing in question for emotional distance as well). But as it was, Lavi had to make sense of the war around him. That was his primary focus. Hell if he had been in nothing but wars, how much does he even know about common life and suffering not war related?

And Allen saw all the cruelty of humanity, but he found something that genuinely made him happy, a warmth and optimism he wasn’t quite receptive to at first until he found himself at peace in it. He rationalized his life thus far and realized this, this is the kind of behavior that makes me happy. And he clang to that, and with Mana’s tehn sudden death and the akumatization Allen felt guilty about, it was important for Allen to carry that happiness on, knowing how much this had changed his life for the better. 

And like you say, that’s exactly things that could surprise Lavi because Lavi never had any opportunity to see that sort of love. I mean... Bookman is one thing, but it doesn’t change too that Mana was just as much a stranger to Allen than anyone in that Circus. If anything it proved Allen that humanity might not be that bad, actually, since that random human could take care of him. On the other hand we have Lavi who only ever could count on Bookman - and we know that he considered Bookmen above humanity. Bookman was still someone who had a duty to protect Lavi. Mana, as far as Allen knew, didn’t. 

And this adds too to the shock of thinking Mana only cared for Allen because of Nea, because the whole reason that it could have given Allen’s faith toward strangers, toward humanity, was that Mana was a stranger who still treated him kindly. The moment Mana had ulterior motives, this unconditional kindness Allen built himself upon wavers. Because for Allen it’s essential that a person who had no reason to care about him ended up extending him this kindness, and that’s how he ended up living his life.

I don’t specifically think Lavi would ever really think that he should have approched the situation like Allen did because there’s a lot of specifics entering in count in their specific trauma and how they coped with it.

But it is still telling, that for Lavi the horrors of wars became so nomrla, so usual, so easy to cope with, that the horrors Allen had been through are... a complete different affair. And to see that above all of that Allen took the approach of being kind, no matter what, to always be extending a hand for those in needs... It would be puzzling. How does on react to suffering this way? 

At war Lavi might have ended up believing there’s no point trying to save people, it’s a lost cause, if they don’t die now they will die later on the battlefield. And if they survive they will have the weigh of this pointless war on their shoulders.But Allen’s salvation came from a person caring. It wasn’t life or death. Saving someone there would help create a better future.

And honestly, Lavi did resent Allen when he first meet him, albeit it was because of the whole “that idiot called an akuma and is so lucky with his stupid eye and he doesn’t realize none of us can actually trust each other because the enemy is everywhere”. Lavi was extremely patronizing in his first appearance. He thought Allen was lucky. Until Krory’s castle. 

The more Lavi manages to unveil about what kind of person Allen is the more he realizes how wrong he had been the first time around. That his desire to save others at all cost wasn’t naivety but hyperawareness of what suffering was like. 

Allen did show his kindness the first thing around Lavi. he was soft. He actually showed pain at the idea of killing others humans, to whcih Lavi just said “what a baby.” Allen had shown his desire to help too all step into the Krory’s arc when they had to approach Krory. It’s just that Lavi brushed it off as naivety. Until he realized how wrong he was.

And especially, Lavi had seen that Allen was right in his love. I mean in the following arcs Lavi and Krory are super close and it shows they’ve become friends. Had Allen not taken the time to help Krory this friendship wouldn’t have existed. Lavi can witness everyday how Allen’s words improved Krory’s life for the better. When Allen was dead, Lavi could still see the direct impact of Allen’s kindness by his side. Hell, Krory saved Lavi’s life on that damn boat too. Had Allen not talked Krory out of suicide none of this would have happened.

I think comparing him to a child again is a good move bc it showcase a lot his internal fight with his younger self crying at him for taking different steps, for caring so much about others. In order to move on Lavi should put back in perspective how he had dealt with life so far, and Allen had always been a guiding light in that purpose.

To know the horrors Allen had gone through would already be a complete different spin on suffering than anything Lavi have ever experienced. 

And the kindness Allen showed, that is already so strange to Lavi, yet so encouraging, is just all the more powerful.

I think Lavi would realize that. Especially with how much Allen’s kindness as its own power was the very thing he sneered upon until he realized it was the most important thing Allen ever gave out.

So his reactions to the horrors... I don’t see him handling it well. But i do think it would be important.

.... and I rambled a lot again i’m sorry but this is a topic that really fascinates me ahdjkf

[internetremix]

Old Tricks

A/N: In which the DMP cast talked about McGillicutty angst and then Kristen wrote about it because she’s mean.

McGillicutty had figured out a number of ways to pass the time in the Void.

Of course, “time” in this case was relative. Time both stood still and sped by here in nowhere, the only true marker being the defined days in which the Murder Games took place. He’d given up on keeping track of his own imprisonment ages ago. There was no sense in it, and while he had plenty of time to waste there were other ways of keeping his mind sharp. Puzzles were one way, though admittedly concocting puzzles for oneself wasn’t the most fruitful of exercises. Still, it was something, and there were theories on the void and experiments and little things he could do.

Most vital, of course, was the careful art of tricking himself into believing all of this helped anything at all and somehow finding new twists on it all. He’d lost most of himself already, his mind was all he had left.

Today was a numbers day- in a sense. Again, days, time, etcetera. The strings which he found himself in made some truly impossible geometry, and working out well… how they worked at could at least while away a few hours. So he counted to himself, pointedly, loudly, just because somewhere out there he knew she could heard the rhythm and it tended to break her concentration.

Unfortunately, today was also a day where apparently that crossed a line. He could probably blame Vincent for that, that boy tended to put her in a mood.

“Let’s see, eight thousand five hundred and thirty three, carry the eight, divide by the imaginary number-”

“How. The fuck. Is a number imaginary?”

Doctor McGillicutty perked up in his bonds, glancing down through thick glasses to catch her glare. “Well, you see, my dear Murder God, imaginary numbers are-”

“Fuck off, I don’t actually care,” She grumbled as she gestured lazily, lowering him to her level.

The drop was a bit sloppy for her, possibly on purpose, jerking white curls from his bun and sending his glasses slightly askew. The motion tickled his face but he’d learned to ignore the minor upsets on the days when he couldn’t get loose enough to deal with them. “Well, I’d say you care somewhat, hwat hwat, or else you wouldn’t be here, hm?”

The Murder God fixed him with a glare that would have made his heart drop into his stomach centuries ago. Now that he’s figured out she was essentially a petulant child, it just looked kind of silly. “You’re right. See, I’m a bit busy, trying to write, and you’re being a bit of a distraction. I could move you further away, but well. I’m stressed, you’re… stressed in a sense, I’m sure you see where this is going.”

“I have a wife, hwat hwat!”

She rolled her eyes. “Ugh, ew, no! Although I mean, yeah, since we’re on the subject…” A slow grin spread across her face. “You do have a wife.”

Snap!

And there was his wife. Cradled in red string, her red hair faded by time but none-the-less still flowing and beautiful to him. Each laugh line is a memory, each freckle the kiss of the sun on her face, her long skirt still flowing as it dangles in the air. Her eyes flutter open, still a brilliant, piercing blue as they come into focus.

“Gilly?” She murmurs.

To McGillicutty’s credit, he very nearly doesn’t react. He stiffens for a moment, then relaxes, lets this sharp burst of tension drain from his body. This game was familiar and he knew every step. Not a problem.

“Now I know, I know,” The Murder God says, rocking back on her heels. “This is an old trick and a bit lazy, I’ll admit. But you know, oldies, goodies, so on and so forth. Why don’t you say hi? It’s been so long, Doctor.”

“Gilly?” His wife repeats, confusion in her tone.

This is not his wife.

She moves as much as she can in her bonds, begins to look around frantically “Gilly, is that you? It’s been so long… w-where are we? Where- what’s going on?”

This is not his wife.

“Gilly- where are we? Where have you been? What’s- please, just tell me what’s going on!”

This is not his wife. He doesn’t need to squeeze his fists anymore, his breathing says level, he does not even shake. He watches impassively as she struggles, listens as her voice grows more frantic.

“Gilly- Doctor, Doctor please, why won’t you say anything!? Please, please talk to me!” She’s afraid, her voice rising in pitch.

“Ah,” The Murder God cuts in. “We’re playing the strong and silent card today. Very cool, very cool, I’m sure the ten people who read my little diversion are going to be very impressed by what a stone cold badass you are.” She rolls golden eyes, reaches out to drum her nails on his skull. He doesn’t even blink.

She’s starting to tear up now, voice growing choked. “Gilly- why aren’t you talking to me? What did she do to you? What’s- why…”

“Oh, I can answer this one! it’s because he doesn’t love you!” The Murder God chirps as she finally moves away from McGillicutty to approach his wife (not his wife).

“W-what…” The woman who is not his wife swallows. “What are you-”

“Sorry, was I not clear before?” The Murder God’s heels stop clicking as she stops before her victim. “He doesn’t love you anymore. No offense meant, of course, he doesn’t love anything anymore! It’s nothing personal, this is just what happens when you lock an already senile old man in the void for a millenia. No big deal, right? Really, I’m not sure he even remembers you.”

“I-I… Gil- Doctor, is that what happened? What… she’s lying, right? You remember me, right?” Tear filled eyes look back to him.

Yes. He remembers she’s not his wife.

“G-Gilly… it’s me! It’s Milly, please, we’ve been together for years, please! We have a son, Junior, remember? Please, he misses you, I miss you, please, you’ve got to remember me!”

Not his wife.

“Please…” Her voice is devolving into sobs now, tears and snot dripping down her face and she’s an absolute mess collapsing in on herself. She sobs brokenly, the sound echoing through the stillness. Her cries do not stop when small fingers twist into her hair, jerk her upward to keep her face on McGillicutty’s.

“What, nothing?” The Murder God asks nonchalantly after a moment. She gives a long, overdramatic sigh. “Darn, I guess I have to resort to violence.”

The strings pull. His wife (not his wife) shrieks as she’s tugged in several different directions, joints creak and pop. Then the strings twist in different directions, forcing her into positions the human body wasn’t meant to be forced in. He knows enough about anatomy to be well aware just how far a human spine is meant to bend, and that’s for someone younger. It’s close, too close, she’s still screaming.

“Is that it?” He asks flatly. “You’ve done this one before.”

The Murder God meets his eyes. “Hm. You’re right. Let’s see. I could go with flaying again? Or burning her alive? Or crushing her, slowly, you get to see her scared eyes while her head’s flattened like a pancake. Or I could break your son in front of both of you again, let you see a life without your kid, watch your marriage fall apart, does that sound fun? More of an emotional thing?”

“Hm,” McGillicutty’s voice is light over the sound of the sobs above him. “Or you could try drowning her.” He watches her flinch. This tidbit Vincent had gathered was useful after all, interesting, but there was no sense in overplaying his hand right now. “At any rate, get on with it. Go ahead, kill her. That’s not my wife.”

A scowl- he’d definitely hit a nerve -but then the smile is back. “Well alright, since you insist.”

Snap!

The strings pull back with a wet squelch, slice into a freckled throat. A familiar body drops to the ground in a twitching, bleeding heap. “G-Gilly…” Her voice is a wet choke, a series of awful, bubbling gasps. He watches her painted nails twitch and go still, impassive.

Clicking echoes through the emptiness as the Murder God crosses the patch of blood on the floor, kneels down to lift the woman’s head up so he can get a look. As she moves, there is a glint of gold spattered crimson. For the first time, his eyes widen and he lets out a gasp.

“Wait…”

Golden eyes widen in mock surprise. “What? Oh, I’m sorry, does something seem familiar?” The Murder God’s voice is singsong as she moves with tenderness to unclasp something from the body. Then she stands, taking a few quick strides before dangling a familiar locket in front of him.

“Oh, right. You gave this to her on your fifteenth anniversary, right? Awww, how sweet. 25 karot too, nice!” His tormentor crooned. He feels his face heat up, feels a prickling at his eyes, unbidden. His breath quickens as her grin widens. “What’s wrong buddy, did I strike a nerve? Did you really think I didn’t know about it? Or maybe I didn’t, maybe this time she’s the real deal.”

He inhales, shaky. She giggles.

“I guess you’ll never know, will you? Ooh, what’s this?” There is wetness running down the left side of his face, she catches it with a dark fingertip. “Oh goodie, it’s even only one tear for maximum drama! I love it!” She’s grinning from pointed ear to pointed ear now as she steps away. “Oooh, I did good this time, damn!” She cackles as she all but dances away from him, swinging the locket with her free hand.

“Alright, I think that’s enough for now. I feel relaxed again, thank you so much for your help, Doctor. You can just spend a bit of quality time with your wife, okay? I’m gonna go find a way to bend reality and frame this for posterity! Ta-ta~”

Her footsteps echo away. As soon as he’s certain she’s out of earshot, McGillicutty’s breath calms. He lets out a sigh, shuffles a bit to adjust himself in his bonds, rocks back and forth lazily in the air. After a moment, in spite of himself, he laughs quietly. He’s gotten pretty good at crying at will- one didn’t go through her games for centuries without getting halfway decent at acting yourself. He didn’t like to break this trick out too often, however, lest she catch on to the fact that it was just another ploy to pacify her.

The only way to really win her games was to indulge her and act like you were playing. Besides, his wife had never had a locket, at the very least not one as cheesy as that.

He takes a look at the strings around him again, tries to get back to the equation he’d been mapping out. He pointedly keeps his gaze upward, does not look at the corpse bleeding out on the white floor.

That was not his wife.

“Eight thousand five hundred and thirty three, carry the eight, divide by the imaginary number…”

[captainvictoryboat]

Behind The Scenes 4 (7/?)

Author’s note: I last minute changed a part of this scene so i am not use how much i like it or how it is going to effect everything. (technically i took a detail out so yeah i don’t want this to change things too much)

*The part i took out was because the topic was a trigger to me, so i only scratched the surface the whole thing. You still get the main idea, i just imply more that what is written. I am sorry about that*

Genre: fluff? (but with suga)

Word Count: 1793

Summary: Suga and y/n bring up kinda bring up somme deep stuff.

ALL PARTS

( i am debating making a new gif for this part. I still don’t know how far i will go with the story but this gif is like a bit over a year old haha)

You heard a loud thud right next to you. You opened your eyes and searched of the source of the sound.

“Aish.” He grunted. Immediatley you recognized who it was

Your eyes adjusted to the dark room and you saw the silhouette in the fetal position grabbing his knee.

“Yoongi are you okay?” you whispered

“Yeah” he groaned as he crawled up to you. “Scoot over and don’t hog the blanket this time.”

You moved to the wall, giving him enough space to join you

When he situated himself next to you, he fixed the blanket over the two of you. His hand went to your wait and you scooted closer to him.

You could sensed his body heat and already felt so much warmer. You could smell his faded cologne, happy that you weren’t getting any hints of beer on him

“Hi.” He said with a bit of frustration in his voice

Things had changed over the past week and a half. V went back to his room, jimin fnially able to sleep in his own bed again. Jin’s resentment towards you had come down a tiny bit and he only stuck to the enraged stare if you ever encountered each other in the living room on those late nights watching tv with v. Suga and Jhope were actually trying to cut down again. You could see it. They were still struggling but they were trying harder than they were the first time. Jungkook… There was more space between you and Jungkook. According to V, Jungkook felt you wee a bit mad at him over the argument with your dad. V said that he therefore advised Jungkook to give you some space (because he remembered how annoyed you were about Jungoook and Suga). Jimin however denied this. Jimin pointed out that Jungkook never listens to anyone so he wouldn’t listen to V’s advice. Jimin said that Jungkook was just going to the gym more because he wanted to make sure he looked good for the comeback. You weren’t too sure which was the real reason and you didn’t really care. You liked that he wasn’t around because it made everything easier with Suga. Suga was the one sneaking into your room every so often so you coud talk some more(*cough* make out a bit *cough*). Tonight was probably his third night coming over to be with you.

“Hello Mr. Grumpy.”

“I am sleep deprived, hungry, physically drained, going through withdraws, stressed, and I just tripped and hurt my knee do you really blame me for being grumpy?” he said with a tired smile “I want to get drunk so bad!” he whined. “ Remind me why I am not blacked out right now.”

“Because you claim to love me.”

“Oh yeah.” he remembered, as he leaned in for a kiss.

You let him kiss you, unable to deny his lips. But you left it at just one to let him know you were trying to be serious about not wanting him to drink.

“If you are so tired, why are you in here again?”

He gasped at you. “Again? You think I am in here too much? you don’t want me here or what?”

You laughed and slapped his arm. “You know what I mean.”

He shrugged. “I can’t sleep. You know how it is.

“You have really deep bags under your eyes from not sleeping. I am sure the stylists are mad at you. Have you tried sleeping medicine? Being sleepy isn’t gonna help with your writing either. Hobi told me that Namjoon was on your ass the other day and had a melt down at the studio.

His eyes shifted a bit. You could feel his body get tense. “Last thing in need to to get myself fixed on pills like Hobi.” He mumbled. “I just got a lot on my mind and getting drunk is the only thing that would help.” there he was bringing up the beer again. He had done well with going cold turkey so far, but by the way he was whining, things were getting harder without it.

“What do you keep thinking about?”

He rolled onto his back, putting space between the two of you. “Nothing.”

“It doesn’t seem like that. Is it the deadline? The solo?”

“No”

“Is it jin? You all have been good in keeping him away. My bruises are gone now. I am fine… except for my pa- Is that what is getting to you?" Lately that is where your mind always went. Being alone in the room, all you would do was think oof your parents. Thankfully the guys were aware and they would try to cheer you up, this being now of the reasons suga snuck in. He never said it, but you knew he went back to this tactic of sneaking into your room and coming into your bed as a way of keeping your mind off your parents. But maybe this was putting alot of stress on him, maybe you were the reason he was feeling this way.

“No!” He rolled back on his side and pulled you into  hug. “you aren’t stressing me out. Don’t think that way.”

Still, just bringing them up made you sad again and you coudn;t help but start crying.

“Hey don’t cry. It’s alright.”

“I just miss them.” you whimpered.

“I know I know. But remember what we said the other night. We know that they still love you, they are just upset because that dickhead down the hall lied. And we agreed that was for the best! It means that they aren’t going to be on his radar anymore ad they are going to be safe.”

“…Yeah”

He wiped away the tears that trickled down the side of your face. “ What’s bothering me is nothing, don’t worry about it ok.”

A very stubborn you shook your head at him. You weren’t going to let yourself get distracted with your own problem “No. I know you want to talk about it. Don’t feel like you cant tell me anything anymore! I can take it. I am here for you. Tell me. Talking about it might help you sleep. It might keep you from wanting to drink. Tell me.”

You could make out his features from the light coming in between the curtain. You could see the creases on his forehead, the uneasy look in his eye as he looked at you, his quivering lip. He was conflicted. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.

“Yoongi, tell me.”

“…It’s Aiko.” He said to so softly you could barey hear him despite how close he was to you

Hearing her name broght back a waved of memories and emotion. You let out a deep breath “Oh… ok” you said as you tried to hold back that tears that were forming in your eyes again

“I can’t get her out of my head.” he sniffled. “I can’t stop thinking about how her family is feeling right now. I can’t stop thinking of what things would be like if I just did one thing different. I can’t get your words out of my head. You were right, she trusted me! I hurt her when all she did was want to do something for me! And- And the little sleep I get, she is in my dreams! And- she- she talks to me and-“ that’s when he broke.

He shoved his head in to the pillow. He was crying so hard, although muffled, his sobs filled the room.

“What’s going on?” Jimin’s sleepy voice asked.

You saw jimin sit up from the bed

That’s when Suga tried to stop crying.

“Yoongi?” Jimin turned on his lamp. “Yoongi are you crying?”

“It’s nothing Jimin.” You told “Can you just give us a few minutes.”

“…Yeah… I- I have to go to the bathroom anyway…” Jimin said as he slowly got off the bed. His confused eyes were glued on suga as he left the room. “Are you sure everything gis ok?”

“Yeah we are only talking

-

JK POV

Blood. Fire. Guns. The nightmares wouldn’t stop. How could he sleep with dead eyes staring back at him.

Jungkook stood up from his bed in a cold sweat. He looked at his phone, 2:17am. There was only five hours left before he was supposed to wake up.

He took off his shirt, just a way to try and cool down. His fingers ran through his damp hair in an attempt to calm himself down and remind himself that everything was a dream. (of course it didn’t help since he knew that although, yes it was a nightmare, it was still a reality that he was causing)

“Water. I need water...”

His sore legs moved moved him out of the room and down the hall. In the dark hallway, the light coming from under the bathroom was enough to light the way to the kitchen. He didn’t care who was up, his mission was to go quench his thrist

In the kitchen he dug himself into the fridge in search of a bottle of  water. Once he did, he chugged it sown in a good 10 seconds

It was when he hunched over to catch his breath, the idea came to him to go to y/n’s room. A week had been long enough to give her some space. Things were probably better now.

He was a bit more awake as he waddled down the hall. He reached for the door knob when suddenly it moved. In a panic, he jumped back and shuffled in the direction of the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” Jungkook heard a voice ask him just as he was a few feet from the kitchen

He stopped, it was time to be cool. He “yawned” as he turned around to the source of the question. “What?” he grumbled, scratching a fake itch on his chest.

“What are you doing?” suga asked more harshly

“I thought I lived in south korea, when was it illegal for me to get some water.”

Suga scoffed at him

“But I think I should be the one asking you that. Why are you coming out of y/n’s room?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“I said it before, if it involves y/n, it is my business.”

Suga walked up to him, stucking his jaw out all smug like. “So just becuase you are her fake boyfriend you think you can starting interrogating me as if are her real one? I think you are forgetting who it the hyung here, let alone your actually relationship to y/n.”

Jungkook looked right into Suga’s bloodshot eyes. “Just because you are older doesn’t make you any better than me or any better for y/n. Leave her alone and let her sleep instead of bothering her with your drunk ranting.”

“I’m not bothering her if she wants me in there. Not like you would know, she doesn’t even look in your direction.” Suga said as he walked off to his room

[prettyloudpracticeblog]

It’s taken me until recently to realize that I equate ease with skill, and the accompanying inverse belief is that lack of ease is lack of skill. I used to be really good at writing. It used to come easily to me, like a lot of things, and these days I find it’s not as easy to write as I found it to be in high school. I cast too heavy of a judgement upon myself and everything that I do, at worst to the point of convincing myself it’s not worth trying the thing or anything at all. So it comes with great courage and energy that I get this blog post written

This blogging experience has continued the theme of the past week. I was concerned about writers block so I tried to freewrite in a stream of consciousness style with my eyes closed. I felt confident I would be able to interpret and edit my babblings later, but when I peeked to check how much I had written…

There was nothing on the page.

Ok, cool, not surprised, I must not have clicked on the page to place my cursor there, oops.I clicked in the Google Doc and the cursor blinked. I closed my eyes and tried to capture my thoughts succinctly and accurately as they flowed- rather, dribbled. But only at first. I found myself capturing ideas and feelings and reflections and a nice starting point to build a nice internet essay. After a couple minutes I peeked to see…

>What do i want to write

>A blog summarizing my twitch experiencee so far

Hwat.

It turns out that the touch pad on my new laptop is super, well, touchy. The fleshy pads at the base of my thumbs keep touching the upper corners of the track pad and causing the cursor to leap up the page. I suppose I must have used the backspace key at some point while my eyes were closed because the accidental highlighting of a longass paragraph like this is the only explanation.

I sighed. This wasn’t worse than anything I’d survived this week.

Like When I set up my gear to get everything balanced on the soundboard, only to discover that the soundboard’s software is all screwy, making it incompatible with my new computer.

When the camera got knocked out of place cuz I’m a goofball and have many much hair

When the internet went out hallfway through my program, or i started dropping more frames the louder I got

When my back started to ache because my chair was too tall and my keyboard was too low

When my new schedule gave me a busier morning than I anticipated and I returned home in the same moment I was supposed to go live, with my piano in my trunk and a mighty rumble in my stomach

When i got a new follower and came to realize mid-stream that i left the alert box behind the second mini camera i added last minute before going live, so when i hear the new follower alert sound for the first time ever I have no fucking clue what just happened

So many things went wrong and that’s not even considering frustrations that I had within practice itself

Yesterday when the stream started dropping over half the frames and I decided to call it for the day, I was really relieved to have time to get something to eat and clean up my warzone of a room. It’s a huge point of shame for me that I’m almost 27 and struggle to keep or get my room clean when it’s cluttered in an immobilizing way. I had to tiptoe around my own belongings, and this morning it was a bitch to set up the boom mic stand that I clip my webcam to because of the scarcity of clear floor. But I also felt bad because I was taking attention and energy away from what I had originally intended to invest it in. I felt like I wasn’t trying hard enough.

I write a lot about mental health, in the music within our current repertoires a band as well as new stuff I’ve written which needs further realization and practice. A lot of what we play right now is about being in the thick of the struggle, being weighed down by the symptoms of depression and anxiety. But I’ve come recently to explore the idea of one’s thoughts influencing and even creating one’s own reality. I’ve been thinking that perhaps, instead of fixating my musical thoughts on [how much it sucks to not be able to choose between all the pressing matters I need to spend my last spoon on], I should write some songs about growth. About making mistakes. About parenting myself. About doing the work to mentally defrag my brain. About setting goals as well as setting boundaries. I won’t grow from a “woe is me” attitude, and I won’t grow if I believe I’m not cut out for this either

I’m doing my absolute best to stay positive in spite of all the challenges, but it’s only going well because I’m in the mindset that I’m learning and doing my best and i’m staying active and not wasting time that I truly can spare towards my endeavors. People I meet who WORK in music are ALWAYS working; from what I’ve seen and been told, the successful ones never slow down and never stop. Always gigging, always promoting, always posting and practicing and writing and dreaming and planning and I feel like I’m not cut out for it sometimes because I have to have time to slow down dude.

Or do I just think I need to have down time?

How does an individual KNOW when they’re trying their best? How do you know you’re seeing someone try their best and truly giving all they’ve got? You can never know how much another person has to give, but I’m finding it surprisingly hard to evaluate whether I’ve done a noteworthy, worthwhile amount of work or not, whether I’ve earned a break or not, whether I actually need a break or just feel like doing things I like.

But music is the thing I like. I love playing and practicing and teaching and learning and writing. And I love it when people see what I’m doing and interact with me and my Internet endeavors. I love it when people connect to my music because they can relate. And that’s why I want people to listen to my music, because of a connection and appreciation. I find it hard to keep a social media presence as a musician because, with the ways our social platforms are saturating and evolving. I kind of NEED people to care; if they don’t go out of their way to wonder about me and manually check all my posts, the way to get through to fans with news (eg, of a show) is through a monetary investment in an advertising boost, or through posting every single day on their personal accounts, spamming groups, and direct messaging.

I fear that people will begin to tire of me if I post too much. I fear they will believe I only see them as valuable to the point where they benefit my music career. I fear being perceived as two faced, shallow, or insincere. I fear being tuned out because I only ever post about one thing.

But one thing I’ve learned about fear is that it only ever eats at your insides and doesn’t nurture, doesn’t help you grow. Being afraid to share my story and be present with my music is one of many mistakes I’m growing past this year. I’ve already grown in my problem solving abilities on this project so far, and it’s because I’m coming to accept myself as I am instead of holding myself back because of “unreadiness” or “imperfection.”

Nothing is ever going to be perfect. Why expect yourself to be perfect? Why expect your work to be perfect? The flaws serve a purpose: to show you where and how to grow. I’m reviewing the footage from the past few days and coming to some awesome realizations about myself as a pianist BECAUSE I can see the signs pointing me in the direction of growth. I will be successful if I continue to meet myself where I am, set realistic goals and workloads, and keep writing about it.

I appreciate you reading all of my thoughts. I appreciate you accompanying me on this journey. With each passing week there will be more and more for me to share with you, and it means the world to me to not be alone. Keep working hard, I’ll see you next week.

[raulf-o]

Family Guy Spec Script - Family Friendly Guy

Just as a quick note… I wrote this in January, the year before Deadpool 2 came out and before Family Guy actually did one of these jokes you’ll read here. With that said, please enjoy.

Fade in

INT Griffin living room

The family sits around the sofa. Stewie left on the floor next to Brian, and on the couch left to right is Chris, Meg and Peter. From the left enters Lois.

STEWIE

I'm curious what adventure we'll be going today.

BRIAN

Why are you talking like that?

STEWIE

Like hwat?

BRIAN

Like that.

STEWIE

I'm just my usual self. And I can't wait for you to finish your book, so that I can finally read it.

BRIAN

Fuck off.

Lois

Brian! You can't talk like that anymore.

BRIAN

What? Why?

LOIS

You know why...

Peter

Leave him be, Lois.

LOIS

We can't, Peter.

Chris

Are mommy and daddy gonna fight?

LOIS

No, Chris, we are not.

PETER

Why not? Nothing changed...

LOIS

(whispering)

Something did change...

The Imperial March starts playing faintly in the background. Chris excited jumps up and exclaims

CHRIS

Oh boy! Can we do Star Wars again?

MEG

I don't want to do Star Wars again, I'm always killed off... Or a monster.

PETER

So what? This means nothing... Just look at my buddy Deadpool over here… coming to a cinema near you on May 16...

Deadpool

Hello guys, finally paying off your dues? Since I mentioned you in the first movie?

LOIS

Fine, I get it. But you shouldn't do anything stupid anymore.

MEG

Oh my god, Ryan Reynolds...

CHRIS

It's Deadpool!!!

DEADPOOL

Kids, if you're nice, this year you get something special for Easter.

PETER

Get out! Your bit is done...

DEADPOOL

Fine, not like I need this... Fu...

Suddenly a portal opens, a metal arm reaches out and pulls him in.

PETER

This is just like that last time, when that time it was that other time, with that other dude from last time that was that time when we did that thing that one time, than that other time...

CUT TO:

Close up of Stewie

STEWIE

Let's check to see what Brian does, until the fat ass ends his pathetic joke and we get to that flashback...

CUT TO:

INT. Bathroom

Brian proceeds to drink water out of the toilet bowl, then starts licking his testicles. Suddenly we hear small footsteps approaching the bathroom, the door opens. We see a hand with a newspaper in it. Suddenly Stewie starts hitting Brian over the nose with the newspaper.

STEWIE

You. Can't. Do. That. Anymore. You filthy animal.

Brian shaken up about all this, looks at Stewie in a stupor and asks.

BRIAN

What has gotten into you?

STEWIE

You know what you did! You can't do that anymore.

Stewie looks into the camera and says.

STEWIE (CONT'D)

Now let's go back to the fat ass and see if he is done.

CUT TO:

INT. Living Room

PETER

(Continues)

Just like that last time we tried braking the forth wall in a smart way.

LOIS

Are you done?

PETER

Yes.

Cut to:

Int. Same living room

The family sits, some on the floor, some on the sofa, watching TV. Ryan Reynolds enters the house.

PETER

Remember when we tried to break the forth wall?

Ryan REYNOLDS

No, I don't.

PETER

You will.

CUT TO:

INT. Living room

LOIS

What was that?

PETER

A joke, written by whoever is writing this episode. It was a meta joke, get it? So much meta, is this what you want?

Peter in a fit of rage jumps towards the camera grabbing it.

PETER (CONT'D)

Ha, ha, ha, written by Raul, fuck off. Very funny...

LOIS

Peter! Stop swearing. We have to change our ways.

PETER

But you saw what just happened... That's not funny...

Peter still angry, rolls up his sleeves and says.

PETER (CONT'D)

That settles it. I'm gonna make Family Guy funny again.

LOIS

Peter, no…

CUT TO:

INT. Stewie's room

Brian enters, Stewie sees him and says.

STEWIE

Let's go on an adventure, just you, me and Rupert.

Brian sighs.

BRIAN

Go on an adventure? Really? I don't want to.

Stewie gets up.

STEWIE

Come on, it will be magical, beautiful and maybe even life changing.

BRIAN

I don't want to.

STEWIE

Don't make me force you... You owe me, so we're going on a diddly adventure and that's the end of that.

BRIAN

Fine.

STEWIE

We should do something for someone else today...

BRIAN

Like?

STEWIE

Like seeing what your son is doing, help him if he needs it. See you two get back together, father and son. Remember your son?

BRIAN

What?

A thought bubble appears, expanding into a flash back.

BRIAN (CONT'D)

Wait, no... I don't want to remember that.

Brian starts jumping trying to catch the flashback. He fails. Suddenly sad music starts playing as the life of Brian's son is flashing. As he grows up without Brian, he goes to prom, graduates college, gets married, gets a raise, a perfect little house, has children. Finally his son gets old and dies of old age.

BRIAN (CONT'D)

God damn it. Stewie...

STEWIE

What? Don't you want to be a better person? So why not start with that? You already failed twice, so maybe third time's the charm, right?

BRIAN

Fine...

CUT TO:

Int. The drunken clam

PETER

Guys, guys... Tell me a joke...

QUAGMIRE

What? Why? What's this about?

PETER

I want to check on something...

Joe

So there was this...

PETER

Not you, Joe.

Joe

Fine...

Cleveland

Calm down, Peter.

PETER

I can't. I have to make Family Guy funny again.

QUAGMIRE

Took us long enough...

PETER

We have to create the best joke on television.

JOE

Didn't Monty Python do that already?

PETER

No one remembers or even knows what that is.

Joe

But isn't this show's longevity the best joke on television? Hah!

PETER

That's why no one likes you, Joe.

QUAGMIRE

How do you want to do this?

PETER

It has to be something timeless, something that will be told for generations.

QUAGMIRE

Can't we do something the young people do and call it quits?

CLEVELAND

That's just lazy, even for me.

JOE

That's something I should have said. Get it? Hah, I'm on fire. Booya for me.

PETER

I want to kill him, can I kill him?

QUAGMIRE

No violence.

PETER

Ah! You too?

Suddenly in the down left corner the beginning of a blue line appears. Peter jumps up and screams.

PETER (CONT'D)

This is what I was talking about?

QUAGMIRE

What are you talking about?

PETER

This... This right here.

As he points towards the line forming the Disney logo slowly. Peter takes Joe's pistol and starts shooting at the line that's forming the logo. After he kills it, he sighs and gives the gun back to Joe.

PETER (CONT'D)

Thanks, Joe.

JOE

You know, I should arrest you for doing that, right now.

PETER

Oh, come on! Don't be like that.

JOE

I'm sorry, Peter... But you know the rules.

PETER

Quagmire? Cleveland?

As Joe handcuffs Peter, Quagmire and Cleveland look down.

PETER (CONT'D)

This is worse than the time Jesus caught the apostles having the last brunch without him.

Cut TO:

Int. OLD timy restaurant

The apostles were having fun, laughing. Jesus enters, sees the table full of dishes with scraps on them and glasses half-filled with chardonnay.

Jesus

You guys! I thought we were having brunch together. You are mean.

Jesus runs hysterically out the door.

JUDAS

What a pussy...

The apostles laugh.

CUT TO:

ExT. somewhere in Quahog

BRIAN

So where are we going exactly?

STEWIE

Well, last time we saw your son, he was prospering. So, let's see what he is doing now...

Stewie checks his phone, then turns to Brian and says:

STEWIE (CONT'D)

Oh, look... He's a wealthy producer now. Let's see how you can ruin this.

BRIAN

Screw you, I don't need this.

STEWIE

Yes, you do. And don't talk like that anymore. If you don't want to die again.

BRIAN

Fine, fine... Alright. I just don't see what the big deal is.

STEWIE

You'll understand soon enough.

BRIAN

Another road trip?

 STEWIE 

No, I emailed him. Told him that I have a monster pitch that will earn him millions.

 BRIAN

And that worked?

 STEWIE

I also told him Tom Cruise is in.

 BRIAN

Didn't he try to kill you?

 STEWIE

It'll be fine, don't worry.

 BRIAN

But won't he recognize us?

 STEWIE

Who cares? We got him here, you have another chance to do the right thing and that's all that matters. So let's get moving.

 CUT TO:

INT. POLICE STATION JAIL CELL 

Peter is snapping his fingers, the other inmates follow. They corner Peter and break his fingers. Peter falls down on the floor, all the inmates go back to their places and sit down.

 PETER 

I thought we were gonna do a 50's musical thing. Damn it.

 Joe comes to the cell, accompanied by someone.

JOE

Come on, Peter. You're free, this gentleman offered to pay your bail.

 Peter gets up and gets out of the cell. From the shadows, Jim Parsons steps out.

 PETER

Jim Parsons? What are you doing here?

Why?

 JIM PARSONS

Peter, we need to talk.

 PETER

What? Why?

 JIM PARSONS

Just trust me... Come, now.

 JOE

Take care, guys. Peter, never do that again, understood?

 Jim and Peter leave without saying a word.

 JOE (CONT'D)

Aww, these guys. Always with their hijinks. It's like that time I went to the most magical place on earth and took my shirt off on the roller coaster.

 The camera shakes from right to left a couple of times, signaling

Joe that there won't be a cutaway. Joe disgruntled says:

 JOE (CONT'D)

What do you mean, no? So the guys can do that? And you don't want to do it for me?

 The camera shakes again to signal a no.

 JOE (CONT'D)

That's it! I'm going to teach you some respect.

 The camera shakes as it's startled and as Joe is approaching it with a baton in his hand.

 CUT TO: 

EXT. OF A RESTAURANT 

STEWIE

Good, he's here... Let's go meet him.

And don't do anything dumb, okay?

BRIAN 

Fine. I just don't see the point of this.

 STEWIE

The point is for me to help you do something good. Family, yay! Friends...

 BRIAN

Fine.

 The two enter the restaurant.

 CUT TO:

INT. RESTAURANT 

Stewie and Brian get next to his table.

 STEWIE 

Hey. Dylan? Eyy... I'm Stewie, nice to meet you.

 DYLAN

Hey, Stewie... Brian? What are you doing here?

 BRIAN

Look, I'm sorry, this wasn't my idea, it was his.

 DYLAN

This wasn't a business brunch, was it?

 STEWIE

Oh, no. We're still having brunch. But it's a family thing now. Now let's talk.

 Brian and Stewie take a sit at the table.

 DYLAN

I thought you had enough, after last time.

 BRIAN

I did. Believe me, but Stewie here thinks that third time's a charm.

 STEWIE

I believe in doing something good. And I think, you two should at least be friends, if you can't call him dad. Which, you never will probably. And I don't blame you. What a loser. Right?

BRIAN

Stop it! We get it...

 STEWIE

Sorry... Sorry...

 DYLAN

Well, if we're here, we might just have brunch together and see where this goes.

 STEWIE

That's the spirit. I knew you were the better man. Isn't this nice, Brian? He's like a kinder, not rapey, power hungry producer.

 Stewie turns to the camera and says:

 STEWIE (CONT'D)

You expected that I would make some joke that would go to a cutaway? Nope.

 CHUCK TESTA

It's just Chuck Testa.

 CUT TO:

INT. SOME DARKLY LIT ROOM 

Jim Parsons takes the bag off of Peter's head. Peter disturbed looks around.

 JIM PARSONS 

Peter, we heard about what you did... And we're here to help you in your quest.

 PETER

We?

 Three figuresi step out of the shadow, take their robes off... Peter amazed says:

 PETER (CONT'D)

Charlie Sheen? Ray Romano? And Jim

Belushi? What are you guys doing here?

 JIM BELUSHI

We're here to help you.

 PETER

But why?

 RAY ROMANO

We're thinking that maybe, if you can really find that one joke... The best joke in history...

 CHARLIE SHEEN

We can move on.

 PETER

Move on?

 JIM PARSONS

We're tired, Peter. We've been on TV saying the same stupid jokes for forever.

 RAY ROMANO

I was in an amazing movie last year, and the academy didn't even think to give a damn or nominate me.

 PETER

And you?

 CHARLIE SHEEN

My life has been just a big joke these past years. So if you find this joke, I might get forgotten and I can do stuff again.

 PETER

Great! Let's do this.

CUT TO:

INT. RESTAURANT 

Everyone at the table seems to have a great time. Brian is wagging his tail.

 STEWIE

See, this wasn't such a bad idea.

 DYLAN

You're right, Stewie. Thank you.

 BRIAN

Yeah, thanks, Stewie.

 DYLAN

I think it's time for me to leave.

 BRIAN

Already?

 DYLAN 

Yeah, I have some movie deals, you know how it is. Never stop grinding. But hey, if you want, I could give you a call sometimes. We can hang out from time to time. You could come and meet my wife.

 STEWIE

Oh, you have a wife...

 BRIAN

Yeah, yes... Sure...

 DYLAN

Look, if you really want. Come by my house tonight. Let's have dinner.

 BRIAN

Yes. Thank you.

 Dylan leaves.

STEWIE

See, sometimes when you don't act like a total prick or when you don't use people. Good things can happen to you too.

 BRIAN 

You know what? You're right. Thank you.

 CUT TO:

INT. SOME STUDIO SET 

Jim Parsons, Jim Belushi, Ray Romano, Peter and Charlie Sheen are walking on the set.

 JIM PARSONS 

So, Peter. We have here a studio audience. This is where you're gonna test your jokes.

 PETER

Okay, I know how this goes.

 JIM BELUSHI

What's your first joke?

 PETER

A knock, knock joke?

 RAY ROMANO

Really?

 CHARLIE SHEEN

For Pete's sake...

JIM PARSONS

It's happening, we have to hurry this up.

 CHARLIE SHEEN

PETE! PETE! PETE! PETE! PETE!

 Charlie Sheen desperately tries to swear, but he fails every time.

 CHARLIE SHEEN (CONT'D)

I can't... I just can't say the F-word. Peter, please help...

 RAY ROMANO 

Calm down, Charlie. You know you can't for comedy...

 CHARLIE SHEEN

How do you think I kept Two and a Half man on TV for so many years?

 JIM BELUSHI

Oh no...

 CHARLIE SHEEN

That wasn't a joke. Why would I make such a joke?

 PETER

Okay, okay... Just give me a change to try something. I need a montage.

 Peter turns towards the camera. The camera shakes signaling no.

 PETER (CONT'D)

What do you mean no? How do you want me to do this then?

On the screen the words "You should have thought about this earlier."

 PETER (CONT'D)

Was that a joke?

 On the screen again: "It's better than anything you did this episode."

 CUT TO:

EXT. DYLAN'S HOUSE

Brian and Stewie are in front of the house.

 BRIAN

I'm so anxious...

STEWIE 

Don't worry, bud. Just don't be yourself too much. And no drinking.

 BRIAN

Yes, I know... I know.

 Brian rings the doorbell. A beautiful woman opens the door.

 EMILY

Hello, boys.

 Brian starts wagging his tail.

 BRIAN

Yea, hey... Hello. I'm Brian. This is Stewie. We're here for Dylan.

 STEWIE

Hey.

 EMILY

I'm Dylan's wife, Emily. Please, do come in. He told us about you guys.

The two go in, Emily closes the door.

 CUT TO:

INT. DYLAN'S HOUSE 

The three are walking in a gorgeous house.

 BRIAN

Quite the house you have here.

 STEWIE

Nice.

 EMILY 

Dylan will join us a bit later. Until then I can entertain you.

 The three enter a room, take seat at the table that's nicely set.

 EMILY (CONT'D)

So, Brian. What do you do for a living?

 BRIAN

I'm an author and screenwriter.

 STEWIE

No, he is not. Brian... What did we talk about?

 BRIAN

Fine... I'm a struggling author, I didn't write anything in years.

 STEWIE

That's better.

 EMILY

Well, at least you started something. Not like others that don't take that step all their lives. I, for example, finally took that step after dating some asshole that took advantage of me when I was blind. I even changed my name. Luckily Dylan was kind enough to be everything I ever dreamed of.

 BRIAN

Ha, ha, ha... That sucks, sorry to hear that.

 Stewie whispers to Brian.

 STEWIE

Does this ring any bells?

 BRIAN

Yes, we have to get out of here?

 STEWIE

What? Why? It's just getting interesting.

 BRIAN

Stewie, no. We have to leave, now.

 STEWIE

Fine.

 BRIAN

So... Emily, we sadly have to leave...

 EMILY

Why?

 BRIAN

It's just that, we have this thing, we have to do. And you know.

 Dylan enters the room with some mouse ears on his head and a bat in the right hand.

 DYLAN

Hey Brian, why so quick to leave?

 CUT TO:

INT. SOME STUDIO SET

The guys are desperate, the virus is spreading.

 PETER 

I have an idea. Ray, do you know the word?

 Ray Romano slaps Peter.

 RAY ROMANO

It's not the time for that, it wasn't funny then, it isn't now.

 PETER

Ouch. Fine, I'll try something else...

 CHARLIE SHEEN

Please!

 PETER

Fine, fine... I got it!

 Peter tries to pick something up from the floor and farts. The fart spreads through Quahog. The audience starts laughing hysterically.

 JIM PARSONS

Was that it?

 PETER

No, that's not what I wanted to do.

 JIM BELUSHI

But maybe that's it! Farts are the jokes that will never die! There will always be something in us to laugh at a fart gag or joke.

 RAY ROMANO

Peter, you genius!

 CHARLIE SHEEN

Fuck me! Yes! I can say fuck again.

 PETER

Huh... I feel slightly disappointed, like that one time... You know what, no...

 Peter just leaves.

CUT TO:

INT. DYLAN'S HOUSE 

DYLAN

You're gonna pay for all the years of torment you brought on me, on her. On everyone around you. We can't tolerate you, not in this new age.

BRIAN

What? What did I do now?

STEWIE

You know what you did. I told you something changed.

EMILY

It's time.

The three corner Brian. The fart hits the three. Suddenly they snap out of it. The ears Dylan was wearing turned to dust. Everyone is very confused... Jim Parsons bursts into the room.

JIM PARSONS

Bazinga!

Peter enters the room, takes Dylan's baseball bat. Hits Jim over the head with it. Out of breath he says:

PETER

You wanted an end? Here's your end. We weren’t going to end on this, but hey… At least it wasn’t on a fart joke. Goodnight!

Fade out.