#i mean cars and gay and religion and i dont need your help i need you to leave me alone

[palmett-hoes]

what's your take on the foxes mbti?

oh buddy ur never gonna believe this but i wrote a foxes MBTI post YEARS ago

im also not into mbti anymore and haven't been for many years so that post is probably still more accurate and in-depth than what i could give you now. i’m just gonna copy the whole thing but i read it over and it still totally vibes w how i understand the characters, like way more than i was expecting it to. i only made one edit (it’s marked) and it was to add a detail not change anything

i hope you’re really really into mbti otherwise this’ll probably be gobbeldegook

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i used to be obessively into mbti so here’s an analysis based on cognitive functions mostly.

SKIP IF YOU WANT. for anyone with no idea how it works, here’s a quick rundown: cognitive functions are about the way people think, process, and prioritize information, not necessarily how they act, though people who think the same way often act the same. the 8 letters that make up a type represent how people process and prioritize internal and external stimuli. every letter actually has an ‘internal’ and 'external’ form so there’s Thinking (internal(ti) and external(te)), Feeling (internal(fi) and external(fe)), Sensing (internal(si) and external(se)), and iNtuition(internal(ni) and external(ne)) t’s always go with a corresponding and opposite f (like ti and fe always go together), same with s’s and n’s (ex: si and ne always go together). a set of  t, f, s, and n in a specific order makes an mbti type.

neil: intp (ti ne si fe)

neil has incredible analytical ability although it’s very programmed for survival but he’s also a fast thinker and very quick to adapt to new environments. he also approaches things from original angles that other people dont consider, all that sounds like high ti/ne. the lower functions fit well too. in times of stress, he returns to old habits and falls back on what’s familiar, that’s classic low si. his emotions are also very exterior. he’s bad with other people from lack of exposure, but he’s committed to harmony between those close to him and has an impeccable ability to read the emotional states of others while being completely oblivious of his own, and his sense of self is tied to exterior things like exy, friends, keys, and legal documents (lol) that’s fe

andrew: intj (ni te fi se)

ni is really hard to describe but it has to do with being able to draw conclusions from scattered input, which fits with andrew’s uncanny ability to spot lies and obsession with finding out the truth, especially with high te, which is about spatial order and logic, think of how prioritized he is with the physical order of things: who sits where, who wears what, etc. a lot of people want to make andrew infj i bet as like a “subversive reading” but he’s definitely not. i used to be really close to an infj and they have hyper-empathy, as in she would describe not just caring about other people and being able to read their emotional states but literally feeling the things the people around her felt. this is a common result of the ni/fe combo, and the reason why andrew is definitely not infj. tertiary fi fits very well instead because andrew is deeply attuned to his own inner emotional state. he’s self-confident and doesn’t care about other people’s perception of him, but he’s also very concerned with his own feelings and understanding them, even if they’re repressed. he’s also very aware of his physical surroundings, which plays into his deductive ability, although it’s not his focus. that’s low se

kevin: estj (te si ne fi)

kevin is a classic estj. he’s controlling, demanding, and driven. he tries to control the actions of those around him and gets very distressed when things dont run smoothly, as well as having strong feelings about improving efficiency. high te people make great managers. kevin’s whole story arc is about breaking old habits, which is a very si problem. it has to do with trusting and craving memory and familiarity, and explains kevins need for endless repetition. he’s innovative, though, coming up with new strategies and drills (ne), it’s just based on what’s already familiar, and you can see him spiral into creating all possible worst-case scenarios when he’s stressed (low ne stress reaction, they like to be prepared). finally, he’s a dick, but he cares about other people and wants to improve their lives, as well as being very reliant on other people’s perceptions of him to define his own self-image (low fe)

dan: esfj (fe si ne ti)

dan’s top priority, over everything else, is her team. she wants her team to improve, she wants her team to win, she wants her team to work together. it’s all about the collective. we also see that she’s very open with others and makes a lot of effort to both make new ties and maintain old ones, that’s high fe. she’s sentimental and attached to the past too (si)  esp the photo wall, but we also see her very unwilling to let go of the past ie the monsters but eventually willing to change and grow to mend team cohesion (ne). we also see the fight in underlying logic (low ti) with her: she knows the team needs the monsters to cooperate but she cant figure out how to do it

matt: enfj (fe ni se ti)

so enfj’s experience infj hyper-empathy too, but to a slightly lesser extent (primary fe is more group cohesion, secondary fe is more understanding others), and through this we see matt’s easy-going open friendliness and ability to befriend even prickly little neil, because he has an extremely good sense of what other people are feeling and need, it also explains why he doesn’t hold a grudge against the cousins in the same way dan does, because he understands where they were coming from. se is associated with a general boisterousness for life, as it’s about experiencing the world around you, which explains matt’s happy-go-lucky disposition and puppydog behavior. the ti aspects mostly go into supporting fe/ni empathic senses

allison: entj (te ni se fi)

i mean, allison’s controlling, both in that she orders other people around and in that her physical being and space are very planned and organized (her clothes, her hair, her makeup, etc) but at the same time there isn’t much sentimentality to her, like how she doesn’t care when her car was destroyed. she easily replaces things because she cares about the object’s purpose, not its history and that all smacks of high te/ni. and i mean, the se definitely contributes to her love of designer things and killer looks, because she cares about the world immediately around her, and why live if not in luxury? and fi? is there any character more aggressively self-confident than allison reynolds?? going against her parents’ wishes for her takes a really strong, independent sense of self, but we also see the problems that can come from not worrying about other people, in how she starts fights and can be abrasive and catty

renee: infp (fi ne si te)

okay this one was really hard tbh. a list of other considerations: isfp, istp, and infj. it’s very easy to read renee as high fe because she’s kind, but i think it’s a mischaracteration of why she’s kind. it’s not because it comes naturally to her, it’s because it’s a conscious choice that makes her feel better about herself. high fi people often read as fe because they’re so comfortable with themselves and in tune with their own needs that they can then go and provide for others. i associate her religion with ne, because contemplation and acceptance of the divine later in life is a very metaphysical undertaking that undoubtedly requires a lot of abstract thought. renee’s storyline also revolves a lot around using things from her past and putting a conscious effort into leaving things from her past behind (how she still uses the skills she learned from her past in new ways ie sparring with andrew and protecting the upperclassmen v/s how she held on to her knives even when she knew it was detrimental to her moving on) this sounds like si. her protective instincts also feed into the te need for order, but it’s a looser leash than say andrew, as it’s lower on her function stack but still present

nicky: esfp (se fi te ni)

godd nicky is like a prototypical esfp. i mean nicholas “sex, drugs, and parties” hemmick cant be anything but se dominant. nicky is all about living it up and living in the moment. like he’s sporadic and ive seen it lead people to think he could be enfp but he doesn’t think enough about the meaning of things to be ne dominant (like how he makes somewhat predatory jokes and such, he’s all about the here-and-now while ne is about the past and future simultaneously). also he of all characters has incredibly prominent fi, as his whole character is about living unashamedly as himself as a gay man and the immense self-awareness and inner strength it takes not only to come out to unaccepting parents but also to leave and start a new life when they rejected him. however, fi is also indicative of his communication problems with his family, as he’s unable to tell that the cousins are fundamentally different from him in their needs and boundaries, leading him to pushing them, making them uncomfortable, and being unable to help them, because he’s unable to understand them. the rest are much more hidden, but a party boy shopaholic like nicky would probably need some amount of te order in like an organized chaos fashion (and he’s often headcanoned as liking to throw parties) and you do see him become somewhat pushy, even controlling in those scenarios. ni is the hardest but could maybe be seen in how he’s attuned to the cousins reactions for all that he cant predict them/doesn’t do anything on his own part to prevent them (the way he handles andrew is like if someone poked a rattlesnake knowing damn well what it would do and then freaked out when he got bit)

aaron: istj (si te fi ne)

im a little iffy on this one and worry it might be an analysis based on his trauma instead of complimentary to it, but aaron’s arc is about breaking out of his habit of holding on to the past. he refuses to work towards moving on from his mother’s death, refuses to listen to things that contradict his preconceived notions, and refuses to make changes in his life that could improve it. that’s unhealthy si. he’s really a very unhealthy istj, and most of his traits manifest through his unhappiness with his life. take his te. that would imply that he needs control over his surroundings, but aaron is incredibly bitter and unhappy BECAUSE he doesn’t have control of his surroundings. he doesn’t get to make his own choices, he doesn’t get to control his space, and he hates it. his relationship with katelyn is also indicative of being an istj. it’s stable, not a passionate fling, but aaron is mocked for wanting that white picket fence, married with kids in the suburbs kind of life, and his relationship, which is his primary source of happiness, is built on stability, which is a very si thing to do. in terms of fi, it is aaron that ultimately forces change between himself and andrew. he may have been pushed but he ultimately came down to him knowing what made him happy and what made him miserable and acting on that. also, he’s an ornery asshole who clearly doesn’t care what other people think of him. fi. i dont really have anything to say in terms of ne, probably because he’s so unhealthy but also because he’s not too explored. heyy istj’s make great doctors

wymack: isfj (si fe ti ne)

okay this one was genuinely the hardest to decide on but ultimately i came to the conclusion that wymack, much like renee, is such a developed person that he loses many defining traits of the functions, and can be read in many different ways. so: wymack’s primary goal is the safety and betterment of other people (ie his team). he wants to help people overcome their pasts, which is a very atypical approach to si, but is si nonetheless. on a personal level, too, he’s never able to move on from people, and specifically never moved on from kayleigh,  continuing their shared dream of an exy team for abused kids long after her death. as ive said before, fe in a secondary position is about deep understanding of other people, and wymack’s ability to understand what other people are struggling through is legendary. the ti mostly serves as support to the fe, serving as the analytical backup in allowing him to understand others. as for ne: he is most definitely an innovator with unusual ideas, or the foxes wouldn’t exist

riko: estp (se ti fe ni)

riko is basically what happens when an estp goes bad down to the core. he’s obsessed with personal glory and immediate self-fulfillment (se) he has no impulse control or fear of consequences. interestingly, high se is often associated with athleticism, because high se people are intensly focused on their surroundings (exy). his ti is also super unhealthy as he gets obsessed with ideas that dont really work with objective reality, like his obsession with ownership and power dynamics despite them not actually being efficient, even backwards. the tertiary fe he uses to manipulate. he doesn’t empathize with others, but he can tell their emotional state and what’s important to them, and uses it to coerce them and destroy their sense of self, like how he knew he could get neil to the nest by threatening andrew. EDIT: /additionally, fe people especially in the lower half of the function stack tend to derive their sense of self from the perceptions of others around them, which riko very much shows in how he needs to be acknowledged as the best and won’t allow any competition for his title, as well as his desperation for acknowledgement from his family/. finally, that ni allowed him to keep multiple plans in place focused on one ultimate goal: getting kevin back. the sheer amount of schemes he sets up in order to fool and push people the way he wants is honestly kinda impressive, but he’s a toxic shithead and im glad he’s rotting. definitely not representative of all estp’s

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this is honestly SO funny to read back a few years later bc HOOOOO boy was i way too into this stuff. and this was written a couple years after my Peak MBTI Obsession, which was honestly scary

[platinummice]

This was a lot more that i thought for some reason, the answers are pretty short and to the point so if you want me to elaborate on something a bit more feel free to ask :)

@rockshortage

What of the Meyers-Briggs personality types they most fit into? INFP, ENFT, et cetera…

Did a take a test to figure this out? Why yes, yes I did. ISFP-T, or Adventurer is what I got for Archer.

Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it?

He sure does, but he doesn’t really know what it is. He mostly just thinks he’s going literally insane. It’s a pretty big reason for him not sticking around people very much even though he craves affection.

Are they good at handling change in their life?

No not really, Archer has a hard time, now more than ever trying to keep his simple life together, he’d prefer it not change as much as possible.

Is your OC a martyr?

He tries pretty hard not to be, or at least to not show that he is. He sees the truth though.

Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others?

Archer is pretty straight forward, if he fucked up he’ll say something. But he’ll make things up for others if he like them enough.

Does your OC compromise easily? Too easily?

I guess it depends? If its not something that matters very much, compromise will be easier, but if he thinks it’s important then he’s going to be harder to bargain with.

Does your OC put others’ needs before their own?

Only his dogs and his friends needs get put before his own. Anyone else? so sorry.

Does your OC have any addictions? If so and problematic, have they admitted it to themselves?

He’s addicted to taking in animals? Seems harmless, but in truth he does it so he has a reason to keep living, which isn’t healthy. I can’t say he’d still be alive if he hadn’t taken Ranger and Fletcher with him the day those raiders killed the rest of his dogs. 

Does your OC have any phobias? If so, where did they come from?

He’s terrified of needles. Thanks mom and dad.

Is your character empathetic?

He is, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to care.

Is your character observant?

Yes, very. Probably because he works with animals a lot, and its very important to notice their body language, so he can read people and situations pretty well. Plus he’s more of a sniper so being observant is important.

What’s one of your OC’s proudest moments of themselves?

He was really proud when he finished building his house, and all the furniture for it.  

Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do?

He doesn’t get jealous very easily, but even when he does he doesn’t bring it up. He’ll sulk around a bit, and when asked he’ll say he fine. He wont really feel bad about if? Its just an emotion, it happens sometimes.

What instantly irritates them or puts them in a bad mood?

Seeing people hurt animals for no reason. He will throw down. Might not win, but its the thought that counts.

Are they harsh on themselves?

YES.

Do they make excuses often?

Nah he’s pretty fast to admit when he’s doing something wrong.

Is your OC intended to be found generally attractive? Unattractive? Average? Is there a reason why?

I mean i didn’t make him like super ugly? But i wasn’t going for amazingly attractive either, so average i guess?

Does your OC place much importance on their appearance? Do they feel confident in it?

He wears a mask all the time so he really doesn’t care. I mean at one point he had tore most of his hair out and just had a few scattered clumps clinging to his head, but people couldn’t see his face so it didn’t matter to him.

What are some of your OC’s biggest personal obstacles? This could be emotional, physical, social… Are they aware of it? Are they trying to overcome it?

He got some damn big emotional problems, and he recognizes some, like his slowly diminishing will to live. But things like his urge to have someone else control his entire existence he doesn’t really realize are problems. 

Do they believe you have to give respect to get it, or get respect to give it?

Everyone starts off with a set amount of respect. You either get more or have it taken away depending on your actions.

Is your OC considered funny? Do they believe they’re funny?

Arch can be pretty funny, if he has anything its a sense of humor.

Does your OC find any “bad” or “mean” humor funny? Do they wish they didn’t?

Yeah he does, what can you do. No guilt will stop him.

Do they have a large or small group of friends?

He has two dogs and sometimes he works with a stinky man. He thinks Gage is a friend but does Gage think he is a friend? Who knows if Gage will ever tell him.

Do they have people they are genuinely honest with about themselves?

....His dogs?

Does your OC enjoy social events, such as parties, clubs, et cetera..?

He likes talking to people, but if there are too many people around he gets overwhelmed pretty fast.

Does your OC like to be the center of attention or more in the mix?

More in the mix, he gets anxious.

Do they consider themselves superior or more important than anyone else? Lesser?

Arch considers himself less important then most people, thats mental illness babey. 

Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?

He’d throw everything to the wind for his dogs. Sorry friends, but they’ve helped him through too much.

Do they believe people change over time? If so, is it a natural process or does it take effort?

Well he knows that he has changed a lot, so why not other people too?

How religious is your OC? What do they practice, if anything? If they don’t associate with any religion, what do they think of religion in general?

When he was in the Mojave, Joshua taught him about Mormonism, but he didn’t really understand. He remembers some stuff, but after he left he didn’t try to keep up with practicing it. 

Do they believe in an afterlife?

It’s not something he takes time to think about really. That kid of a ‘ill cross that bridge when i get there’ type thing

Would they like to be immortal? Why, why not? If they are immortal, would they rather not be?

He would definitely not like that. He can barely manage his mental health as it is.

Would you say that your OC is intelligent? In what ways? Would your OC agree?

Smart when it comes to plants and animals, just about everything else? Not so smart.

How many languages do they speak?

Speaks exactly one(1) language.

Do they enjoy learning? Do they actively seek out sources of self-education?

He likes learning things, its just getting that knowledge to stick in his head that’s a problem. He doesn’t really seak out knowledge but if he has the chance to ask about things he will.

What sort of home do they live in now, if at all? How did they end up there?

Its just a little shack like building, but he built it and he’s proud.

What’s their ideal home look like? Where is it?

A big ol’ farm house, lots of room for lots of dogs/friends

Could they ever live in a “tiny home”?

I dont think so, but it’d be funny as hell.

How handy are they? Can they fix appliances, cars, cabinets, et cetera?

He can fix simple things, cabinets, chairs, dressers. Nothing too much more advanced than that.

How much do they work? What do they do? Do they enjoy it?

He works really all the time. From when he wakes up to when he goes to bed. He basically runs a mini zoo by himself, its a lot of work but he loves it.

How often are they home?

Pretty often, he has animals to take care of.

Are they homebodies and enjoy being home?

Not really, he likes being out and about.

Do they engage in any of the arts? How good do you intend them to be? Would they agree they are?

Archer is actually pretty musically inclined, he’d never admit it though. You might be able to catch him singing to his dogs, if you're lucky.

Would they enjoy a theme park?

Maybe if he could somehow go when there aren’t any people there. That might sill be pushing it. He gets overwhelmed easily.

Is your OC close to their family?

Nope.

Who makes up your OC’s family, at least the more important members to them?

He only ever knew his mom and his dad. If there was anyone else in his family he never met them.

Does your OC find their family supportive? If not, what would be an example why not?

Nah he really doesn’t think they’re supportive of him. They definitely wanted him dead.

What kind of childhood did your OC have?

:)

Did they go through any typical phases growing up?

He went through a lot of things, but never got the chance to be emo.

What is your OC’s orientation, romantic and/or sexual? Has it ever been a source of stress for them? Have they always been pretty sure of their orientation?

I know i said he was strictly gay yesterday but im thinking he’d actually probably be Pan and he’d just lean towards more masculine partners. He hasn’t really thought about his sexuality so he’s never had a reason to be stressed over it.

Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover?

Any space in his mind that was supposed to be used for math and literacy etc. is now storage space for little facts about the people he cares about. He will remember. Oh you said you thought this flower was pretty six an half years ago in passing and i found one so i thought id bring it back for you.

Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right?

Probably that there are multiple people who could be right.

Does your OC believe in love in first sight?

He barely even knows what love is, really.

Does your OC believe in marriage (or their culture’s equivalent)?

He doesn’t really understand the point of it but if his S/O wanted it, he’d agree.

Has your OC ever cheated on anyone or been cheated on?

Nope :)

What’s your OC’s idea of a perfect date?

Climb to a really high place, lil picnic, watch the sun set, (maybe hold hands?) look at the stars.

What are some things that your OC finds to be an instant turn-off in potential partners?

Not liking animals. They’re literally his entire life, you cant be with him and not like animals.

What are their favorite kinds of flavors– Sweet, salty, sour, spicy, creamy, et cetera?

Umami. But he’ll literally eat anything, especially if he’s desperate.

Are they vegan/vegetarian (if their overall culture/species generally aren’t)? If so, why? Do they think animal products are wrong in all circumstances?

He doesn’t really eat a lot of meat cause he wants to hurt as few animals as possible. He uses most of the meat he hunts for his animals, and only eats it when there is nothing else, or if there’s the possibility of it going to waste.

How often do they cook? Do they order out a lot?

He cooks pretty often, that being said do NOT eat what he makes! I dont know how he is still alive!

Could they eat the same thing they enjoy over and over and not get bored of it quickly?

Yep, in fact that's basically what he does already. Food is food babey.

Did you create the character to be like yourself, did they end up being like yourself, or are they very different from you?

Archer wasn’t ever supposed to be like me, and he’s not really, which i think is a good thing?

Would you hang out with your OC if you could?

Yes he needs hugs and I will provide.

What’s the longest you’ve had an OC for?

I’ve technically had Archer for 5 years thats a long time :)

[cowboyjen68]

This is Jim.. my new friend.. he is only 4 years older than me, but his life has been way harder than I can ever imagine and yet this blue eyes are bright and he smiles a lot. When he laughs it is big and hardy and he slaps me in the shoulder or knee.  We have talked on the phone, met for the first time last night.

He is an old time country chef, a skilled maintainance man and can repair everything from plumbing to electricity...but his body can no longer handle the stress. 

Let me remind everyone out there of something. Being gay is a part of us. We share that with other gay men and lesbians.  We must look out for each other. Getting older is not always pretty, we have suffered trauma, we have worked our bodies to the point of exhaustion just to survive. We smoke, we drink too much. We serve jail time, we do drug rehab. 

We get in to accidents, car, on the job and while doing home repair. We get beat up and our body is beyond repair. Our mental health feels beyond repair. 

We loose familiy, friends, religion, culture and faith in ourselves. We are taught we are worthless. We are taken advantage of and robbed, ripped off, raped and abandoned. 

Many of us hit our elder years poor, broken, isolated and lonely. We suddenedly find ourselves without a car or rescources. poor housing and no one to care one way or another.

Please.. find elders in your LGBT community. Encourage your local lgbt groups to get involved one on one or in small groups. Take people to a small music venue, out to breakfast, for walk. Visit them where they live. Watch tv.. bring snacks and listen to their stories. I promise you will learn and grown and friendship is totally free. Offer your time and your companionship. 

The one thing that all the DHS workers and dayhab places and community centers can’t offer is friendship with other LGBT people. Think about how you feel when you see a lesbian couple Or when two gay men walk by and say hi. Think how you feel less alone and afaid  being in the energy of gay people. You and your friends have the power to offer that to someone.

One last bit. Please be safe.. dont find random people on the street. Go to local elder services or to other resources to find people in need. Just because someone is an elder does not  they are wise or safe or appropriate, nor does it mean they are mentally stable. Don’t put you or your friends in danger. There are lot of groups out there to help find older men and women who are the right fit. 

JIm and I share the same fashion sense and he and I, despite all he has been through being gay in the shittiest part of Iowa, talked about the absolute wonders of loving the same sex. And we both love potatoes. I am going to bring over my small BBQ and he is going to try to cook something vegan sometime in June. But he told me he is all about the beef.. no vegan for him. Then he made dirty joke about sausages and we laughed until he coughed. And I smiled all the way home. 

[garbagequeer]

hey hello im writing a piece for laptop ensemble that involves sampling and i need the most repressed/tender/yearning quotes you got. just as gay and heart wrenching as you can. but also no pressure I know youre a stranger on the web I just feel like you post that kind of stuff a lot thank you bye

hope this isnt like too late school keeps me busy :( (also can you put a read more on asks? guess i’ll find out). i ended up choosing many quotes from the same texts cause im indecisive as shit but i’ll bold my favorites from those in case that makes it easier for you!

anyways first of all you can never go wrong w richard siken as obvious as that is. these are both from you are jeff

You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you don’t even have a name for.

Let’s say you’ve swallowed a bad thing and now it’s got its hands inside you. This is the essence of love and failure. You see what I mean but you’re happy anyway, and that’s okay, it’s a love story 

this one’s from planet of love (the format got fucked bc tumblr is not actually a finctional website but :/ )

I have a megaphone and you play along,                                                                 because you want to die for love,                                                            you always have.     Imagine this:You’re pulling the car over. Somebody’s waiting.                      You’re going to die                                            in your best friend’s arms.             And you play along because it’s funny, because it’s written down,you’ve memorized it,

from litany in which certain things are crossed out 

I make you pancakes, I take you hunting, I talk to you as if you’re            really there.Are you there, sweetheart? Do you know me? Is this microphone live?                                                       Let me do it right for once,

sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell                                    and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud.            Especially that, but I should have known.You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together            to make a creature that will do what I sayor love me back.

We were inside the train car when I started to cry. You were crying too,            smiling and crying in a way that made meeven more hysterical. You said I could have anything I wanted, but I                                                                                just couldn’t say it out loud.Actually, you said Love, for you,                             is larger than the usual romantic love. It’s like a religion. It’s                                                                                                 terrifying. No one                                                                        will ever want to sleep with you.

from snow and dirty rain

I had a dream about you. We were in the gold roomwhere everyone finally gets what they want.

that scene from when harry met sally where sally says:

One day I was taking Alice’s little girl fro the afternoon. I’d promised to take her to the circus, and we were in a cab playing “I spy” - you know, “I spy a lamppost”, “I spy a mailbox” - and she looked out the window and there was this man and this woman with two little kids, and the man had one of the kids on his shoulders, and Alice’s little girl said “I spy a family”, and I satrted crying, you know? I just started crying, and I went home

(like anyone else sometimes cries when u see a family doing something nice? is it because i want to participate in a sense of family of my own but have been excluded as a gay person from it’s portrayals and it makes me go :^( cause i dont feel there’s room for me there but i want there to be and i just have to long for this nuclear family heteronormative way of life that i’ve been made to believe is idylic? is it because my parents got divorced and my dad’s an ass and my mom is just a very angry lady and i want to re-do my own childhood? who knows. should we ban movies? yes we should!)

from maurice (ultimate source of tender)

“There was something better in life than this rubbish, if only he could get to it, love, nobility, big spaces where passion clasped peace, spaces no science could reach, but they existed for ever, full of woods some of them, and arched with majestic sky and a friend”

‘Did you ever dream you had a friend, Alec? Nothing else but just “my friend”, he trying to help you and you him. A friend’ he repeated, sentimental suddenly. ‘Someone to last your whole life and you his. I suppose such a thing can’t really happen outside sleep’

we are all so lucky i don’t actually own maurice in english this would just turn into me quoting the whole book

ee cummings voices to voices, lip to lip

the thing perhaps isto eat flowers and not to be afraid.

from virgina woolf’s letters to vita

7 september 1925

january 21 1926 vita writes

I am reduced to a thing that wants Virginia. I composed a beautiful letter to you in the sleepless nightmare hours of the night, and it has all gone: I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way. You, with all your un-dumb letters, would never write so elementary phrase as that; perhaps you wouldn’t even feel it. And yet I believe you’ll be sensible of a little gap. But you’d clothe it in so exquisite a phrase that it would lose a little of its reality. Whereas with me it is quite stark: I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal. So this letter is just really a squeal of pain. It is incredible how essential to me you have become. I suppose you are accustomed to people saying these things. Damn you, spoilt creature; I shan’t make you love me any the more by giving myself away like this—But oh my dear, I can’t be clever and stand-offish with you: I love you too much for that. Too truly. You have no idea how stand-offish I can be with people I don’t love. I have brought it to a fine art. But you have broken down my defences. And I don’t really resent it …

and on january 26 virginia writes back

Your letter from Trieste came this morning—But why do you think I don’t feel, or that I make phrases? ‘Lovely phrases’ you say which rob things of reality. Just the opposite. Always, always, always I try to say what I feel. Will you then believe that after you went last Tuesday—exactly a week ago—out I went into the slums of Bloomsbury, to find a barrel organ. But it did not make me cheerful … And ever since, nothing important has happened—Somehow its dull and damp. I have been dull; I have missed you. I do miss you. I shall miss you. And if you don’t believe it, you’re a longeared owl and ass. Lovely phrases? … 

from virginia’s diary, about vita on december 21 1925

I like her and being with her and the splendour–she shines in the grocer’s shop in Sevenoaks with a candle lit radiance, stalking on legs like beech trees, pink glowing, grape clustered, pearl hung.

from virginia woolf’s to the light house

What device for becoming, like waters poured into one jar, inextricably the same, one with the object one adored? Could the body achieve, or the mind, subtly mingling in the intricate passages of the brain? or the heart? Could loving, as people called it, make her and Mrs Ramsay one? for it was not knowledge but unity that she desired, not inscriptions on tablets, nothing that could be written in any language known to men, but intimacy itself, which is knowledge, she had thought, leaning her head on Mrs Ramsay’s knee. Nothing happened. Nothing! Nothing! as she leant her head against Mrs Ramsay’s knee. And yet, she knew knowledge and wisdom were stored up in Mrs Ramsay’s heart.

Love had a thousand shapes. There might be lovers whose gift it was to choose out the elements of things and place them together and so, giving them a wholeness not theirs in life, make of some scene, or meeting of people (all now gone and separate), one of those globed compacted things over which thought lingers, and love plays.

there forced themselves upon her other things, her own inadequacy, her insignificance, keeping house for her father off the Brompton Road, and had much ado to control her impulse to fling herself (thank Heaven she had always resisted so far) at Mrs Ramsay’s knee and say to her—but what could one say to her? “I’m in love with you?” No, that was not true. “I’m in love with this all,” waving her hand at the hedge, at the house, at the children. It was absurd, it was impossible 

(fun fact: the spanish translation adds something that i’d translate as “one could not say what one meant / what one wanted to say”, which i really like and i was disapointed to find out isnt on the english edition)

It was love, she thought, pretending to move her canvas, distilled and filtered; love that never attempted to clutch its object; but, like the love which mathematicians bear their symbols, or poets their phrases, was meant to be spread over the world and become part of the human gain. So it was indeed. The world by all means should have shared it  

from the great gatsby

I didn’t want to go to the city. I wasn’t worth a decent stroke of work but it was more than that—I didn’t want to leave Gatsby. I missed that train, and then another, before I could get myself away (…) Just before I reached the hedge I remembered something and turned around. ‘They’re a rotten crowd,’ I shouted across the lawn. ‘You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together.’ I’ve always been glad I said that. It was the only compliment I ever gave him

from kafka’s diaries

may 27 1911: Today is your birthday, but I am not even sending you the usual book, for it would be only pretence; at bottom I am after all not in position to give you a book. I am writing only because it is so necessary for me today to be near you for a moment

parts from a from a letter he wrote to oskar pollak on february 4 1902

When we talk together the words are hard; we tread over them as if they were rough pavement. The most delicate things acquire awkward feet and we can’t help it. We’re almost in each other’s way; I bump into you and you - I don’t dare and you. When we come to things that are not exactly cobblestones or the Kunstwart, we suddenly see that we are in masquerade, acting with angular faces (especially me, I admit), and then we become sad and bored. Does anyone make you as bored as I do?

then I fall silent and you fall silent and you become bored, and I become bored and it’s all like a stupid hangover and there’s no use lifting a hand. But neither wants to say this to the other, out of shame or fear or - You see, we are afraid of each other, or I am.

Of course I understand it. It’s boring to stand for years in front of an ugly wall and it just won’t crumble away. Of course, but the wall is afraid for itself, fro the garden (if there is one), and you get out of sorts, yawn, have headaches, don’t know where to turn

You often talk with her, not only for the sake of talking. You walk around with her somewhere here or there, or in Roztok, and i sit at my desk at home. You talk with her, and in the middle of a sentence somebody jumps up and makes a bow. That is me with my untrimmed words and angular faces. That lasts only a moment, and then you go on talking. I sit at my desk at home and yawn. I’ve been trhough it already. Wouldn’t that separate us? Is that so strange? Are we enemies? I am very fond of you

from his leters to milena

Last night I dreamed about you. What happened in detail I can hardly remember, all I know is that we kept merging into one another. I was you, you were me. Finally you somehow caught fire.

jane wong. from clearing

We want to believe everything has meaning.Plums blossom over a power grid

and I am in love again. The shame of it.

from leslie harrison’s [sirens]

I’m not Penelope married to faith married to waitingbound in fine soft strands of silk dyed and stretchedin my world longing has teeth and fins has a tastefor blood longing is a room built entirely of knives

Lorde’s melodrama tour interlude

Don’t you wish you could go inside a heart, see the strings and atrium’s, everything beating and bleeding. It’s kind of funny, I spend almost every minute thinking about love. Being guided, and divided by love. But I’ve never seen it. It’s just a rumour, a comedown, an afterglow. I wanna see it, in colour. In the summer, I can almost picture it

from Andrea Long Chu’s on liking women

One day, you tell yourself, it will give you what you want. Then, one day, it doesn’t. Now it dawns on you that your object will probably never give you what you want. But this is not what’s disappointing, not really. What’s disappointing is what happens next: nothing. You keep your object. You continue to follow it around, stash it in a drawer, water it, tweet at it. It still doesn’t give you what you want—but you knew that. You have had another realization: not getting what you want has very little to do with wanting it. Knowing better usually doesn’t make it better. You don’t want something because wanting it will lead to getting it. You want it because you want it

ada limón, In a Mexican Restaurant I Recall How Much You Upset Me

But love is impossible and it goes ondespite the impossible. You’re the muscleI cut from the bone and still the boneremembers, still it wants (so much, it wants)the flesh back, the real thing,if only to rail against it, if onlyto argue and fight, if only to missa solve-able absence.

i dont think i need to get into mitski songs because you probably already know but basically pink in the night/come into the water/once more to see you/in happy when she says if you’re going take the train so i can hear it rumble one last rumble/in i want you from the first verse to the first time she goes “i just need a quiet place where i can scream how i love you” (YES the card thing is very important)/the first verse of i will (w emphasis on everything you feel is good i f you wold only let you)/abbey/strawberry blond

sufjan steven’s futile devices obviously predatory wasp of the palisades you know the drill 

was going to find some twin fantasy lyrics but i started thinking about famous prophets (minds) and like. emotionally left my body so. i wont be thinking about it or any other songs anymore it makes me too crazy

from frances ha

It’s that thing when you’re with someone and you love them and they know it and they love you and you know it but it’s a party and you’re both talking to other people and you’re laughing and shining and you look across the room and catch each other’s eyes. But not because you’re possessive, or it’s precisely sexual, but because that is your person in this life and it’s funny and sad but only because this life will end and it’s this secret world that exists right there. In public. Unnoticed. That no one else knows about. It’s sort of like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us but we don’t have the ability to perceive them. That’s what I want out of a relationship. Or just life, I guess.

from ellen lee’s notes on twin fantasy that i revisit constantly

there’s no going back to deliver these words to the ones they were really meant for. That’s how heartbreak feels, I guess. It feels like your heart in between the teeth of someone who’s looking away. When you’ve lost your loved object, what happens to all the things you have to say to them? When they’re turned away, what happens to all the things that you couldn’t, but desperately need(ed) to, say to their face? He dissociates himself from his own romance until it becomes a fantasy. You have your bleeding heart, you have a finite set of memories — when nothing new enters and you’re unwilling to let go, then you have a fantasy. The loved object enters into you and transforms.

the journey home by dermot bolger(havent read this at all dont really plan to/dont know a thing about it either i just came across this shit like 2 years ago and i still think about it)

I wanted to hurt him; I wanted just to touch him. What I wanted I’m not really sure. If he had stopped and opened his arms I would have walked towards him; I would have sat on the kerb all night with him

adam b, sweet i have a (really gay) heart

i feel like my body is the extension of a lake. i feel really badabout not telling you the truth, sometimes. i feelreally small next to you. tall boys remind me of bean stalks.i wish i had your legs. i wish i could know your handsbefore i even touch them

aaaand i think that’s all i could think of and track down, hope this is actually helpful and not too long (i am indecisive no kidding). also ksjdfg it’s nice that you thought to ask me this and i did have fun going over all these quotes so thank you 💖💖💖

[talk-nature-to-me]

What does it mean to be disabled?

Why don’t you get a job? That’s a question that I have heard by a few people. Most everyone assumes that I am not disabled in any way. I can walk, I can talk, I can go to the bathroom, I can pick things up, I can see, hear, smell, taste, feel, and I can go out to public places. I have a dog that I help take care of, a gf that I spend time with, and friends that I talk to and occasionally hang out with. So why would I and people similar to me possibly be considered disabled?

Well lets started with the definition of disabled: “having a physical or mental condition that limits movements, senses, or activities” and to get disability benefits you need “a disabling condition that will last more than 12 months or result in death”. As you probably already know, people of any race, religion, gender, sexuality, height, weight, and age can be disabled. Please understand that it is a very common misconception that disabled people need assistance to walk. Some disabled people can walk on their own all the time, some need help some of the time, some need a wheelchair part or half of the time, some need a wheelchair all of the time, and some are bedridden. 

Here is an incomplete list of disabling conditions:

Addison’s Disease

Aging

Albinism

Alcoholism

Alzheimer’s 

Amputation

ALS

Anxiety

Arthritis 

Ataxia

ADHD

Auditory Processing Disorder

Autism

Back impairment

Bipolar

Bladder impairment

Bleeding disorder

Blindness

Brain injury

Burn injury

Cancer

Cataplexy

Cerebral Palsy 

Charcot-Marie-Tooth

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Chronic pain

Colorblindness

Cumulative trauma

Deafness

Depression

Diabetes

Drug addiction

Dystonia

Eating Disorders

Ehlers-Danlos syndrome

Electrical sensitivity

Endometriosis

Epilepsy

Essential Tremors

FAS

Fibromyalgia

GERD

GI disordrs

Graves’ disease

Guillain Barre’ syndrome

Hearing impairment

Heart conditon

Hepatitis

HIV

Huntington’s disease

Intellectual impairment

Learning disability

Leg impairment

Low vision

Lupus

Lyme Disease

Marfan syndrome

Mental health impairments

MIgraine

Multiple chemical sensitivities

Multiple Sclerosis

Muscular Dystrophy

Myasthenia Gravis

Obesity

OCD

Paraplegia

Parkinson’s

Personality Disorder’s

Phobias

POTS

Polio

PTSD 

Pregnancy(an exclusion to 12 months)

Quadriplegia

Raynaud’s disease

RSD

Renal/Kidney disease

Respiratory impairments

Sarcoidosis

Schizophrenia

SAD

Shingles

Sickle cell anemia

Skin conditions

Sleep disorders

Speech impairments

Spina Bifida

Stroke

Thyroid disorders

Tourette syndrome

Vertigo

So as you can see, disability can be invisible

Disability can be invisible

Disability can be invisible

Anyways, back to my disability story. Yesterday, I managed to do a sink full of dishes I hadn’t been able to do, wash and dry four loads of laundry (not even fold them), collect all the indoor trash, and sweep the back patio over the course of six hours. This was with many breaks, advil, and afterwards a nice, hot bath with CBD butter and epsom salt. This morning I woke up in moderate neck, back, stomach, shoulder, and thigh pain. More advil it was, even though it eats away at my already bad stomach, because it’s the only over the counter pain medicine that works for me. And this time it didn't even help.

Now imagine not just 6 hours, but 8 hours a day with only one break. For 5 days a week. For 50 weeks a year. Sometimes I’ll have a good day and think “I’m doing so good I could go get a job!” and then I’ll get depressed and be like “there’s no way”. Back at the end of when I did have a job and my GI issues got worse and my autoimmune issues came into play, 25 hours a week would have me in bed crying after every shift. I would go home early from shifts from unimaginable costochondritis pain that felt like electric stabbing shocks. I wasn’t able to do anything but work and do basic hygiene. 

My daily life consists of urgent and painful trips to the bathroom, bouts of nausea and dizziness, having less money than I need, chronic pain in my muscles, joints, nerves, back, chest, stomach, intestines, and legs, severe dehydration, taking various medications (and more to come), and not enough energy to get all my basic chores done.

On top of all that physical stuff, I have anxiety, depression, and PTSD that is so bad that it has led to psychosis. I get panic attacks every time I get behind the wheel of a car, and therefore I can't drive. I have PTSD flashbacks from abuse that leave me sobbing. I have spent countless nights and hours crying in my bed or in the shower. I'm on medications that are helping, but I still have a looooong way to go.

You may ask: but don't you go out and do things? Yes I do. I have good days with little to no issues, normal days with some issues, and bad days with most to all issues. But I specifically do my shopping on my normal or good days and specifically do the physically exerting activities I need to do on my good days. I won't go out and do stuff or invite you over on my bad days unless we're really close and then you'll truly know what this is like.

That was just my average daily life, this does not include the other events that have happened in past 6 months including:

Losing 15 lbs unintentionally and being unable to gain it back, making me 2 lbs from under weight

Having several period cramps that were so bad I couldn't walk/talk correctly

Going to the ER for severe dehydration that caused me to have a bp of 76/22 and therefore I could hardly remain conscious

About a dozen doctors visits

Two pain episodes that were so bad I wanted to die

Three random finger joint dislocations

Three hallucinations

15 mouth sores in one day (not from an allergy)

Trying to commit suicide/going inpatient

Having a dizzy/weakness spell that caused me to fall in the shower

The only diagnosises I have so far are anxiety, depression, PTSD, costochondritis, and anemia. But the doctors also think I have endometriosis, Crohn's, and an autoimmune disease. I can't get disability without an actual diagnosis. I have been dealing with chronic pain for the past 6 years, since I was 15. And I am still here with a daily invisible struggle. I am going to have a rheumatologist, gastroenterologist, gynecologist, and diagnostics appointment. But some of these medical things can be expensive. Thank god I am still on my parents insurance.

I will keep fighting, I will keep perservering, I will keep moving forward everyday. I am skinny, am pretty, I am smart, I am "normal". I can walk, I can talk, I can go to the bathroom, I can pick things up, I can see, hear, smell, taste, feel, and I can go out to public places. I have a dog that I help take care of, a gf that I spend time with, and friends that I talk to and occasionally hang out with. I will have stabbing chest pains from breathing while having a conversation with you and you will never notice. And then I will go to the bathroom and take some advil.

Please share your disability stories

To help out some disabilities or struggles disabled people face:

Hotlines/helplines:

In general

1) they are available to call 24/7

2) they are 100% confidential

3) they are free

United States Elder Abuse

1-866-363-4276Child Abuse /Dept of Social Services 1-800-342-3720

Alcohol Treatment Referral 1-800-252-6465

Cocaine addiction 1-800-262-2463

Drug Abuse 1-800-662-4357

National Association for Children of Alcoholics 1-888-554-2627

Ecstasy Addiction 1-800-468-6933

American Cancer Society 1-800-227-2345

National Cancer institute 1-800-422-6237

Elder Care Locator 1-800-677-1116

Want to know Jesus? 1-800-NEED-HIM

Social Security Administration 1-800-772-1213

Crisis Pregnancy 1-800-67-BABY-6

National Domestic Violence 1-800-799-SAFE

Elder Abuse 1-800-252-8966

Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention 1-800-931-2237

Eating Disorders Center 1-888-236-1188

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders 1-847-831-3438

Compulsive Gambling 1-410-332-0402

GriefShare 1-800-395-5755

Homeless 1-800-231-6946

American Family Housing 1-888-600-4357

LGBTQIA+ Helpline 1-800-398-GAYS

Gay and Lesbian National Hotline 1-888-843-4564

Poison Control (they will help with overdoses) 1-800-942-5969

S.A.F.E. (Self Abuse Finally Ends) 1-800-DONT-CUT

Project Know (sex addiction) 1-888-892-1840

Sex Addicts Anonymous 1-800-477-8191

Suicide Hotline 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) or

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Suicide Prevention 1-800-827-7571

Deaf Hotline 1-800-799-4TTY

Crisis Intervention (717) 851-5320 or 1-800-673-249

If you have a disability please feel free to reach out to me

[cowboyguts-moved]

tell me about your new ocs ^^

so any and all artwork i show you is done by @shit-stains (: 

everyone listed is from a made up oregon beach town called Mystic Overhang infamous for its creepy bottomless lakes and a cliff that leans over the pacific called Mystic Overhang. the town is full of mysterious happenings and unexplained missing persons and something downright evil is going on under their noses..but more on that another time ha ha. the story takes place in 1989. and i just realized this is basically just IT but i didn’t exactly mean for that…they definitely are not plagued by a killer clown.

Church Shelton (my oc) is 17/18. His mom had him too young and didn’t want to have to raised him, frankly, so she ended up leaving him on the stairs of a synagogue. His biological family is Jewish even though Church doesn’t grow up with religion and didn’t even know he was Jewish, because Josiah (Jo), tristan’s oc, was about 2 years old when he and his mom came by and saw a baby crying on the steps and the boy wanted to keep him and name him Church because he thought it was a regular christian church and… it’s cute. And through a ton of convincing and considerations, his mom agrees to care for Church and adopt him. Its a simplistic way of putting it, but there’s a lot that goes into it. He and Jo grow up as brothers and Jo takes such good care of him (: sometimes he has to be a parent to Church even though he’s only two years older, especially when their mom gets UHHH murdered during a robbery in their own house… ……….and they come home and find her at about 12 and 10 years old and Jo makes the decision that they’re not going to tell anyone and risk him living with his father and Church being placed in foster care. so they run away and become street kids for 4 years. When they’re older, 14 and 16, they get caught for stealing when they weren’t careful enough and the social workers put them in foster care, seeing as Jo’s dad is very unfit. They stay there until Jo aged out at 18 and got guardianship of Church after getting them a place to live, that’s a long complex process as well… and was obligated to care for him and provide income and stuff and they live together, just them two in a trailer, for awhile.

Church’s whole thing is that he loves to read and write. He reads so many books and he’s not great at first and is in remedial classes, but then he advances a shit ton with how hard he tries and how much he wants his love for English to succeed. Uh he has narcolepsy!!! Meaning he has a lot of daytime sleepiness, falls asleep frequently in the day and has bad insomnia at night and this hinders him a lot. In some cases his narcolepsy comes with cataplexy, this is when he has muscle weakness/paralysis caused by strong emotion like excitement and laugher. His brother Jo helps him a lot through that. I theorize that it happened because of a natural immune issue he has, which was most prevalent when they were living on the streets. 

Church is really funny and sweet and sarcastic. He’s such a cute boy and everyone in their town LOVES him just cause he’s so charming. he gets really cynical and depressed sometimes and can be mean when he wants to be, however and it’s his biggest downfall. He’s a bit of pyro he loves to set shit on fire. Oh, and he has a southern accent (: he loves to eat too, he’s always down for snacks. He’s bisexual but he doesn’t really call it that, he doesn’t take much note of his own sexuality, he does what he does. He works at an amusement park most of the time and has to put up with Jo constantly coming to his work when he gets lonely and riding the roller coaster he’s operating. Then when he graduates he goes to University of Oregon and has a bit of a big depressive self destructive path he follows and ends up overdosing on drugs on what of his partying nights, he self harms by being uncaring and his many intrusive thoughts about his mother dying and his huge fear of not seeing the world and being too dumb and poor to get an opportunity to really live. He’s put in the hospital and goes to rehab and Jo is there with him every step of the way. He’s so sweet and caring and worries about him but Church is a little belligerent sometimes. He wants to get better and be better for everyone and himself, and he does through a long emotional school break. He doesn’t end up going to his previous college again but he transfers and gets in the Columbia in new york for his English degree (: he lives in an apartment with his boyfriend Mason. 

Church is white, 5′7 and he’s stout and chubby. He’s got green eyes, freckles, a piggy nose, big sunburnt cheeks, and auburn hair, mostly shaved into a curly mohawk. and he got a fat ass and killer thighs. 

His beautiful big dumb brother Jo Shelton (tristan’s oc) has a story that is obviously parallel to church’s, but i think it’s important to mention that he’s kinda slow, slow thinkin’ and a bit hyper…and an asshole to everyone but the ones he really loves like church, he’s as sweet as he can be with him. he loves working on cars and he has a beautiful truck that he put a lot of work into..that is until he crashed it horribly while drunk driving after he got into a fight with church when church was in the hospital recovering from his overdose. and he got mild temporary brain damage… so…and then had to spend 6 months in jail for a DUI. that really fuck him up for a good while! and that’s a huge dent in their lives.

but anyway lol… he also loves to meet chicks and do speed dating.. and he hooks up with a wide variety of girls, he’s not picky at all and doesn’t believe in types, he just loves dominant women. he does have one important stable girlfriend for awhile named Rosa that he met at his grocery store job! he spilled spaghetti sauce on her white shoes (: and they were truly in love and dated for 3 years until it became dangerous for her to be with him because one of her weird ass fuckinnnn dangerous ex boyfriends got out of prison and she didnt think he would be safe if they remained together and it’s devastating for him and hinder him for a good while. he kinda fills that void by becoming a big brother figure to church’s biological sister Jude, who is 12 and in need of good old fashion josiah guidance. jo has that natural dumb dad vibe to him. (by the way..church’s mother reenters church’s life very briefly and that’s why jude and church meet and jude eventually lives locally to the boys because she moves in with Her real dad.) Later jo works at a mechanic shop and his ultimate goal is to open his own! uh also haha important detail..jo struggles with his sexuality and on the low meets up with dudes in alleys and lets them smash cause he’s a big bottom so. and he has sorta of thing for someone he met in the mess of foster care, just one of the kids he hung out with in passing, and his names Riley and they meet up later on when they’re older and fuck around a bit.

jo is 6′3 and he has golden honey hair and blue eyes and he’s freckly and has some beauty marks on his face. he’s pretty darn hairy..and he kinda smells. he’s a real country bo. he’s super skinny and hes got huuuge hands!

here’s jo and church (:

Mason Uley (mine), Church’s boyfriend, doesn’t meet church until he’s 22 and Mason is 13, and is a rich boy who’s siblings all died in one way or another…JDBSJD he’s the only child left and he is very neglected by his parents because of their coldness and grief and little regard for caring for their last kid. They’re never home and they ignore him completely which leaves him in search for attention in all sorts of wrong ways and he acts out. He does motocross at the local track. He loves rap music and is very embarrassing about it considering he’s very white..he loves flexin’ with that name brand clothing and shoes and wears skate shirts even though he doesnt skate which is a big smelly whatever but in general he’s a big poser. but its fine because we love him and its apart of his charm. He has a slight limp because at 13 he shattered his ankle and it never healed right. He loves Church very much and they’re SUPERR gross and lovey, their dynamic is so adorable, as you can imagine his goofy ass and church’s more dry sarcasm. He wants to be an architect and goes to college for that at Columbia later. He’s smart and has a very dry kind of humor and he hates Jo until he’s forced not to because of their mutual love for Church. He’s 1000% gay. He has blond hair and he looks like a 90s heart throb and Jo affectionately calls him “faggot” more than his name.

i dont have a Current drawing of mason all i got are old ones that tristan doesnt really like l o l

Okay……….. and then there’s Lewis. he’s 18. His full name is Aloysius St. Lawrence (AL oh wish iss) (mine), and he grew up in a deeply religious cult in northern California where many Horrible things happened to him that I’ll spare the details on but he’s a very traumatized boy and i thinkg about the complexity of him trying to come to grips with it and learning how to live with the immense pain he was dealt with! so. it’s really fun.

he was born with a sorta Purpose, his dads family started this commune, and the dad wasnt at fault, he’s not malicious he’s really sweet and a bit slow and is often mistreated, he’s forced to have relations with lewis’ mom, who was sort of a nomadic runaway girl perfect for procreation after she got caught in the entanglement of this commune business in california. theyre both really young when they have lewis and his twin sister, lewis being prime because he’s the Male. lewis grew up believing all kids in the commune were his siblings and so he never realized the one girl he’d see all the time was his biological sister. so bascially they take lewis from the mom, say he’s not only her child but the communities child, just how it is with all kids, and she betrays the commune in a way i havent figured out and goes beserk because obviously everyone there is insane and shes exiled and lewis, all the while has no idea shes his mother. so great childhood… full of hard labor and sleeping in a room with rows of beds and dreaming about a woman and not knowing why, not knowing its because shes your mom (: haha

In 6th grade he’s finally allowed to go to a school with other boys because before this he was homeschooled and his world was reduced to the confinements of his commune. He goes to a spooky and prestigious boarding school in southern Oregon and wears a uniform. The place is really huge and brick and creepy but it feels like paradise with this freedom he finally gets to some extent and he’s learning how to function as a regular boy, although he finds it kind of impossible. 

CHRIS!!!!! Is his roommate at this boarding school in 6th grade. Chris is a very goofy lovesick boy who believes heavily in the energies of the earth and charging his crystals his hippie mother gave him and he paints his nails black and pushes the rules of the dress code every single day and tends to break it completely. He’s a punk who loves to piss adults off. He was forced to go there by his very strict abusive father and there he meets sweet sweet Lewis (:

Lewis has never had a friend like Chris and he doesn’t know how to successfully keep one and it’s a really stressful emotional cycle of enduring the weekends at the commune and coming back to school and to Chris amongst all the happy boys that lead mostly normal lives. Chris sort of realizes that he has feelings for boys in this time and has strange urges to hold Lewis’ hand and kiss him and stuff, but he refuses to truly acknowledge his feelings about who he is.  but he does, in fact, hold his hand and Lewis lets him and they’ll just hang out for hours in their room holding hands and talking about silly stuff. They come to be really close and mean a lot to each other, chris invite him over to his house on the weekends and lewis sneaks off with him, risking being punished because he didn’t go back with one of the Father’s or Brother’s of his commune. Chris and lewis are very adorable and they play with makeup together in chris’s room and eat snacks and explore mystic overhang and chris teaches him about the ways of modern life. in 7th grade they grow apart when they don’t share a room or anymore and Chris gets involved with different people, starts smoking weed and eventually gets with a guy in 8th grade hhhh… and Lewis focuses really hard in class and it’s sorta the end of that. 

When chris gets expelled in 8th grade they don’t see each other anymore, the only departing thing being chris’s journal that he gave to lewis before he was escorted off the premises, and in it is filled with entries about him. this journal was taken and destroyed at his commune by one of the Fathers when it was found, though :/ so yes, Lewis goes back to the commune because they plan on keeping him homeschooled for high school but there’s a group of 5 kids and 3 men from the commune that are heading to Nebraska around the time he’s 16, and they force lewis to be the 6th child that accompanies them in their trip. once there, he’s kept in a creepy abandoned house, hardly set up for living in and he’s living with these other children, like an odd family that has to function around one another, him being the oldest of “siblings”. he finds out eventually that they’re there for a weird ritual/sacrifice thing.. probably the most horror-ish horror element i developed for him thus far, its frankly insane and disturbing and theres a lot of layers and rituals they must do and humiliating tasks they must do all for a Grander godly purpose. the sole purpose of it is to reach ultimate redemption in heaven after a sinful life ahahahaa.. so basically the whole time they’re there, they’re trying to accumulate sin by being unloving, disciplinary, neglectful, …uhh…and lewis kept in a dark room, only candles and daylight light the house and they’re severely mistreated and malnourished. Lewis runs away at 18…but, through constant mistreatments of his body he ends up having gangrene in his left leg and has to have it amputated above the knee by a doctor he meets whom he has to give a Favor to as payment because he doesnt have money. and he gets a real shitty wooden prosthetic that isn’t comfortable at all and its not healing right, it’s a bit botched actually.. and he has crutches and that’s how he gets around. He goes back to Oregon to the town Mystic Overhang that Chris is from because remembers the town name vaguely, not even who said it or when he heard it, but he goes there because he doesn’t know many towns, so he decides to settle there and he makes a living prostituting for awhile at an area called Mouth’s Edge. he sees Chris again when Chris pays him for a bj l o l. and Chris recognizes him even though chris is coked out of his mind because he had a really rough night and got his shit kicked in by his dad… and Lewis almost shits himself because someone from his past is back and he’s really paranoid and weird about it cause he just blew one of his only friends he used to have. and he wants Chris to fuck off, but eventually Chris keeps coming back just to talk to him and see what he’s been up to and stuff, cause he still feels this familiar need to protect Lewis that he had back in middle school. He’s very consistent about seeing him and does every single night even when Lewis is working. lewis’ love for him comes gradually, even through chris is in love with him pretty much instantly. It takes a long time for Lewis to want to be touched and held but he lets people do it anyway, including chris, it’s an unhealthy thing he obviously needs therapy ha ha. they don’t officially date until an entire year later

lewis is very sweet boy he’s shy and he has trouble making eye contact. He’s really smart and loves to paint! That’s what he wants to do with life. He’s not gay per se, he doesn’t really feel much romantically unless someone, anyone is kind to him and patient and reeeeeeeally really consistent or else he would probably never fall in love, but any gender has the potential with him. He loves 40s-80s music so much and dances to it really dorky when he thinks no one is looking and Chris has sooooo many records. he loves to rollerskate! and he’s really good at it. he’s pretty damn masculine, more so than chris. and he’s strong (: and he wears ugly clothes that he finds in dumpsters. eventually he gets enrolled in college for art and sees a therapist he grows to love like a dad to be honest.. lewis he dyes his hair a lot (: it’s naturally golden but at first when he’s prostituting its short and purple and then grows out very long and then he cuts it a lil and dyes it pink..orange..etc etc. he’s a hard worker and he gets a job at the Junkyard where he meets his best friend Cody (: 

This is Lewis :) he’s white, 5′4 and he’s soft but strong and handsome and he’s got golden eyes and hair and he’s sweet n freckly.

Chris Russell (tristan’s) is 19… chris is greek and pakistani from his dad and white italian from his mom. he grew up an only child with them in an upper middle class environment because his dad … i don’t even know the legit title but he buys and sells properties for a fancy shmancy company. his mom is just a kindergarten teacher and that’s not a killer wage but. he’s very close to his mom he loves her to pieces, she’s a big stoner hippie (:. his dad on the other hand has always been really disciplinary and cold towards Chris, his dad is straight up abusive though, so there’s no excuses being made for him, but at first he didn’t do it just because he felt like it. he was just raised learning that it was the only effective way to discipline your kid and that it was the dynamic that Worked the best. Chris is a little problem child though, and not so much when he was a kid! he was so sweet and all he wanted to do was wear his mom’s makeup and clothes. he wore clips in his curly hair and pretty skirts and he loved music and being a mama’s boy and he loved her cooking. he loved reading and writing. but he was still abused by his dad, especially for his natural femininity. and as Chris got older he was such a rebel. he’s a mouthy, snarky, blunt little shit that never behaved or was cowered into doing things as his dad wanted. it wasn’t like he wasn’t afraid to get hit or anything but he didn’t show it and constantly provoked it. that’s in his teen years though especially

chris goes in and out of depression and mania constantly after middle school. he’s doing drugs, just weed at first but he’s always always high and he’s a big loner until he meets his Boys in 10th grade (: mikael ben and kylo. his parents divorce when he’s 15. he tries to convince himself he’s not gay and he gets with a girl but the ordeal is humiliating and she spreads the rumor that he was so bad at fingering her and touching her boobies that he must be Gay and so he retaliates by making photo copies of her nude pictures and spreading them. chris has questionable morality. you GOTTA know that about him.. he has problems and he can straight up not be a good person sometimes but overall he really is one and we be loving him or whatever. and he evens out in his 20′s and 30′s so it’s fine. HFSFSS but yeah! after awhile it’s sorta easy just to come out, and then he gets cocky and his gayness bleeds through everything he does. he starts dressing more effeminate again and he fucks around with a lotta guys and is really stupid about his recklessness. he gets into cocaine and gets so fucked up he doesn’t know who he’s banging half the time he just parties and is a big smelly butthead. and around the AIDS crisis no less… dumb ass. by some miracle he doesn’t catch anything or get anything so… this all happens, the worst of it anyway, when he’s 18 and stuff after he has this weird hook up relationship with Mikael his friend and our other OC hsdhbsd. and then he kinda just Takes himself off it after he bumps into Lewis again and goes through his withdrawals and smokes a ton of weed, i mean he’ll never quit that, its fine.

he loves to skateboard! he loves reading and writing. he aces his english classes and was in AP his whole life in that subject. he’s a big debater and critical thinker in those classes and the teachers love him and hate him for that. he writes in his journals constantly and he wants to be a writer someday.. he loves drag. he has a whole persona. her name is Crystal Balls. he’s really fuckin good at it too, he’s good at makeup and tucking and dressing up and caring for his wigs. he’s a big major faggot. he’s a top! even though everyone in the world does not think he is (: he’s a big top. and he can be masculine when he wants. he has masculine body language and a manly voice and he’s a big stoner skater but he can turn on that faggotry whenever he wants and its especially apparent in his Crystal persona. he plays piano and is very good at it (: he’s bipolar clinically but does not take meds (:  he self harms as a result of his polarizing emotions and his home life. he’s the horniest emo anyone will ever meet and legit is addicted to feel-good stuff and has a really addictive personality in general. so weed, food, sex, Lewis, etc. he’s really insecure and he thinks he is BUTT ugly but high key he’s the hottest OC either of us have like he’s just gorgeous that’s all there is to it. and he’ll go back and forth from Damn im fuckin hot to holy fuck i look like my dad i want to wear a ski mask everywhere. its mostly the latter though (: he hates his dad and hates that he looks so much like him. the only thing he likes about himself is his big dick and his legs that are straight up chick legs

here’s chris heh

Cody Glorymoon (mine), Lewis’  best friend, is 20 and she’s very pretty and she has delicate features but she’s big tomboy and works for her dad at the junkyard. she’s a ginger and she’s very tall and slim and she’s a little rough and cynical but she’s super soft and loving and smart.  and she cares for lewis so much that she’s a little in love with him at one point and it hurts her to be that way because she’s having her own sexuality and identity crisis and shes knows they can’t be together. she hates chris…because the girl chris used to date and spread her nudes was her sister and she’s extremely protective of her sister because they grew up very close and had traumatic experiences being put through frequent pageant shows and training as little girls? their mom was a piece of shit and eventually dumped them on their dad who previously was kept away from them. she also, in general, just doesn’t like chris and his personality. he’s a huge douche to her. until she softens for him in later years when she sees him a lot because he’s her best friend’s boyfriend. chris actually needs her help pretending to be his girlfriend in order to please his dad and keep him off his back so he can see lewis on the low… and she does it because she’s the only girl he knows that tolerates him enough and would do it for him and she comes over for dinner and other events hsdfjsdf its really funny watching chris pretend to like her. they grow closer this way and become real friends even though they always have this love/hate dynamic.

heres cody and cody giving lewis a smoochie 

here’s some gay and lesbian solidarity between chris and cody

Mikael Taylor (tristan’s) is 19 and one of the boys in Chris and Lewis’s friend group. He’s a foster kid who has really long hair and smokes too much weed because if he doesn’t his adhd gets the best of him. He and church have an on and off thing for quite a while until they break up and church moves away and gets with mason, although mikael is sort of crazy in love with church whether he likes to admit it or not, he’s always sorta waiting for him and mason to be Done even though it takes a long ass time, he really misses his opportunity with him the beginning. He likes to fuck and be with all kinds of different people, though, and commitment is definitely a fear of his (hence the on and off thing with church). He’s really sweet though and he loves lewis to death. Hes funny and outgoing and cool and Everyone likes him. Everyone. He’s got a cool septum piercing and one of those gum piercings right under the lip as well. He’s also huge gauged ears and he wears a beanie and hawaiian shirts with dad shorts and socks and sandals (which are like the only shoes he owns). He’s half native american and half caucasian, he sleeps a lot and he has a huge thing for milfs. (chris and ben’s moms especially)

mikael is 6′4, and pretty lean and has got some muscles. he’s got sharper features and he has green eyes and gross facial hair wispies

Benjamin Jacobs (tristan’s) is 19 and is another one of the boys from the friend group. He’s a big, heavy jock who really enjoys theatre and foootball. He’s from up north, so he has an accent thats quite strong and pretty cliche. He’s got pretty short blonde hair and freckles spread across his soft cheeks. He’s quite angry most of the time and he can be very loud, especially with chris whenever chris is being himself and annoying the shit out of him. He does have a temper but he tries his best to control it around lewis. Oh yeah and he also loves lewis a lot (: he lives in a really nice suburban neighborhood and his home is loudly occupied with his mother, dawn, who is your classic 80’s rhode island mom complete with the big poofy curls and the hoop earrings, and his two brothers and one sister. He has a man cave which is the entire home basement that he and the boys all hang out in 24/7, filled with beanbags a television, a pool table and a blow up doll named Patrisha that chris drew a penis on. Again, he hates chris. ALSO he’s in love with kylo’s sister named Leslies and he pines for her 24/7

ben is big chubby and blond, he’s 6′1 and hes so hot i think he’s so hot bro. he’s juicy he’s a thick quarterback with blue eyes

Kylo Cavillo (tristan’s) is the last member of the boys group. Kylo is a sweet Hispanic boy with vitiligo who has a hard time expressing himself. He’s very excitable and he falls in love with people very easily… he has this weird crush/obsession with chris that’s not talked about within the group much but it can be more than obvious at times even though he denies that he’s gay. He and lewis get along very well and he loves him a lot, they both were deprived of a lot of the modern things like certain tv shows and games and phrases and ways of doing things so they’re able to bond on that fact. Kylo lives at home with his mother and father, who is a big part of the Mystic Overhang Tiburón’s (a gang) and he owns their family restaurant called El Baño HHHDSF which kylo comes to take over himself when he’s older. He has three sisters and he is the youngest of all siblings, so he grew up with girls his entire life and definitely has some femininity to him. He’s very sweet and innocent, though, and means well with all his endeavors. He likes to grease his jet black hair back and wear gold chains with his baseball jerseys and blue jeans. OH he also has epileptic seizures and it’s very scary but mikael knows well how to deal and handle them when they happen because he has experience both with his foster siblings and kylo himself because mikael knew him the longest!

and here’s mister kylo, he is very small about 5′1 and skinny, he has big pretty expressive brown eyes and lil cute mustache and unibrow (:

[whenismuna]

all?

1. Name: stephanie, steph, stoof, mistake

2. Birthplace: iowa bye

3. Ancestry: german and swedish aka whitest of the whites

4. Zodiac Sign: aries :)

5. Biggest fear: lmao being alone and losing trust in the people i care about most haha

6. Strength/Weakness: nothing/everything

7. Worst habit: breathing

8. Favorite holiday: halloween

9. Ever been in a car crash: almost

10. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher: lol who hasnt

11. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house: fill up my water and take off my pants

12. Age at first kiss: 17

13. When did you fall in love for the first time: 17

14. Who Is Your Longest Friend & How Long: michelle, the loml, 10 1/2 years :’)

15. Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: dont die maybe

16. What were you doing at midnight last night: listening to after laughter

17. When was the last time you laughed hard: this morning talking to michelle

18. Who was the last person that told you they love you: michelle :’)

19. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up yesterday morning: how am i supposed to know bye

20. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with: very first date was a double-date with my then-friend and our then-boyfriends and we saw that movie with justin timberlake about time?

21. Who’s wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen: my moms :)

22. Who did you see in concert first: weird al in like 4th grade

23. Who was your favorite teacher: SARAH JACKSON MY MOTHER I LOVE HER THE REAL LOML

24. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day: michelle

25. Who do you think about most: michelle or carly rae jepsen

26. Is your ideal occupation? doing anything with animal husbandry/rehabilitation

27. Beer, wine, or liquor? liquor 100%

28. Favourite restaurant? old sammy t’s or maybe legume

29. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? ben and jerrys americone dream

30. McDonlads or Burger King? neither?

31. Fantasy dinner guest(s)? crj, griffin mcelroy, rachel carson

32. Have you ever been drunk? When was the last time? yee like january wtf

33. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done drunk? lmao i sent michelle a bunch of snaps once crying about how much i love dogs

34. Wonder Woman or Cat Woman? wonder woman

35. How many pets do you have? none but i wanna get a kenyan sand boa so bad :(

36. What would be the first thing you bought if you won the lottery? an education

37. When was the first time you smoked? like july?

38. Who last sent you a text? delaney

39. Who did you last send a text to? delaney

40. What 4 things would you take to a desert island? rope, a knife, a lighter, and plastic wrap

41. Name the 3 most important people in your life? michelle delaney and nay

42. Favorite song? rn probably fake happy tbh

43. Favorite movie? always hsm bye

44. When did you last cuddle someone? last night :)

45. When did you last have sex? tuesday

46. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first? so much oh my god

47. What was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still feel the same about it at this minute? i mean this time five years ago i was getting ready to go to camp for the first time so i was probably worried about people liking me and like some of my best friends are from camp so obviously thats not a fear anymore

48. If you could change one law of your country, what would it be? just one?

49. What relationships have ended? But you can’t let go? literally none

50. Where would you take a road trip? everywhere

51. How do Mondays feel for you? time isnt real. i havent known what day it is for the past month

52. If you could spend ten minutes with your ‘hero’ alive or dead what would you ask them? “hi rachel yeah a) are u gay, b) will you marry me?”

53. Do your practice ‘self love’ or ‘self loathing’? love in theory but loathing in practice

54. What’s your greatest achievement to date? beating a game of solitaire in 25 seconds

55. What scares you about your future? literally everything

56. Why does pizza come in a square box? idk?

57. What would happen if you knew you could not fail? id already have my dream job tbh

58. How does it feel to be photographed? if its on my terms, very nice, otherwise no

59. If you could erase an event from your mind, which one would you choose? all of middle school

60. Do you want your children (if you have any) to be ‘just like you’? trick question, i dont want kids

61. Do you stand for what you believe in or are you pleasing others? im the most non-confrontational person i know but if it really gets to morals i will absolutely stand for what i believe in

62. If money were no concern, what would you do for the rest of your life? travel

63. What are you thankful for, this moment? my friends

64. Do you have same sex fantasies? im gay?

65. If you have had sex in a public place, where? nope

66. Have you ever cried during/after sex? nope

67. Who is the oldest person you’ve had sex with? 25

68. Who is the youngest person you’ve had sex with? 19

69. Would you rather be in a relationship with a totally submissive partner or a totally dominant partner? dom bye

70. How tall are you? 5′10 bye

71. How much do you weigh? lmao i dont even know. i havent weighed myself in so long like i dont care lowkey

72. What color is your hair naturally? brown

73. What size jeans do you wear? umm???? 10??? 12????? idk

74. What is your favorite color to wear? black

75. Do you have any piercings? no :(

76. Do you have any tattoos? no :(

77. Do you care how other people see you? sometimes

78. Do you like sports? eh

79. How do you feel about age differences in relationships? it depends. as long as its not a huge age gap its fine idk

80. How do you feel about race differences in relationships? why would that matter?

81. Do you believe in karma or fate? both? more karma though

82. Do you keep a journal? i used to

83. Describe the last dream you remember: i was at delaneys house and her and her mom were showing me around the house and i was sobbing

84. Describe your favorite dream: see above

85. Where are some places you would like to visit? everywhere

86. Any upcoming concerts you want to attend? harry styles, handsome ghost, misterwives

87. What music do you listen to when you are happy? it depends? mostly carly rae jepsen tho lbr

88. What music do you listen to when you are mad? mostly folie a deux or vices or something

89. Do you like to burn candles or incense? candles

90. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? oh yikes becherovka

91. What are your favorite alcoholic beverages? anything fruity

92. Do you smoke cigarettes or cigars? What about marijuana? nope

93. Who is your number 1 friend and why is he or she there? MICHELLE!!!!! we are soulmates and tbh i swear we were friends in a past life and when we met we knew because we were instantly best friends and i trust her with my life and tbh i could write a 10 page paper on why i love her and why shes my best friend bc wow a+ what a gal i love her so much and she will always be my #1. i am michelle trash #1

94. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member? nope

95. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with? yeah probably

96. Would you ever have sex in the shower or the bath? nope

97. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex? im gay

98. Do you think your last ex still wants to be with you? lmao tbh who cares im so over that and like lowkey if she sees this i dont really care bc like so much happened and also i have agf now so it doesnt even matter?

99. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? IM GAY

100. What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual people? I AM GAY

101. How often do you brush your teeth? depends on if im in a depressive episode or not, but usually at least twice a day

102. How often do you shower?  When was the last time you had a shower? depends on if im in a depressive episode or not but usually every day, and i showered yesterday

103. How often do you shave your legs? lmao like once a week maybe, that also depends on seasons and stuff

104. Political affiliation? liberal 100% like?

105. Opinion on abortion? jesus christ i dont care like im not boutta stop yall

106. Opinion on immigrants/ immigration reform? we need reform bc people need help and we cant just let them die yknow?

107. Should prostitution be legalized? oh god this is lowkey a super loaded question like theres a lot that would go into this holy shit

108. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? literally what does even mean

109. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? good question

110. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? just one?

111. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? being at camp

112. Would you break the law to save a loved one? it depends? but probably?

113. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? probably france? idk i just always liked it?

114. Why are you the person you are? jesus i wish i knew

115. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? id like to think so?

116. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? misunderstandings 

117. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? so many things

118. Were you happy when you woke up today? i mean i got to facetime michelle so

119. What’s a fact about the last person who text messaged you? shes such a good friend and i miss her and i cant wait to hopefully see her in august bc wow its been almost 2 years since we saw each other and i cry every day

120. Want someone back in your life? my grandpa tbh

121. What are you excited for? a lot actually for once

122. Are you scared to fall in love? absolutely terrified 

123. When is your next road trip? um i guess june because im going to pennsylvania?

124. What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? listened to harrys album

125. Do you like to cuddle? yeS

126. Have you ever kissed more than one person in 24 hours? nope

127. Plans for tomorrow? i have no clue

128. Do you care too much/not at all/just enough? probably too much

129. How is life going for you right now? um id say pretty good. definitely better than it was at this point last year

130. If you were offered a shot of whiskey right this second, would you accept? maybe? idk

131. This time last year, can you remember who you liked? haha yeah lol

132. Could you stay in the same relationship for over a year? i have before so... yes.

133. If you could have one super power what would it be? idk man

134. Background on your cell phone? my dog :’(

135. What are you thinking about right this second? after laughter and how sad/relatable it is ://////

136. Last book you read? How was it? um i still havent finished it but oil and honey and its so good i love bill mckibben so much

137. What is the last thing you bought? halsey tickets :’)

138. Do you live with your parents? yea

139. Have you ever been caught sneaking out? theres really no “sneaking out” of my house anymore bc my dad trusts me to not fuck up?

140. Have you ever met a celebrity? tyler joseph oh my god aleX CAPLOW WOW

141. What are you like when you’re drunk? im super laughy. im a typical drunk girl like idc

142. What are you like when you’re high? chill idk

143. Do you want children? not really

144. Do you want a church wedding? idk probably not tbh

145. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2 but i have 4 that i lay on my bed?

146. Have you ever been scuba diving? yeah i wanna go again and get certified tbh

147. Who was your first real crush? yikEs

148. What are you allergic to? nothing i am perfect, evolution did me well

149. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? nope

150. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? neither

151. How did you get your name? my mom chose it 20 minutes before i was born

152. Name one thing about your body you love? my eyes/eyebrows :)

153. What is your biggest goal in life? be happy and have a job that i love

154. Do you still have feelings for your ex? nope

155. Do you think aliens are real? absolutely

156. What age did you start drinking? 15? 16? 17? i dont know

157. What do you think of President Obama? overall good

158. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? i sure hope so?

159. Describe your dream girl/guy? my gf :)

160. Story of your first kiss? lmao nop

161. Story of the first time you made out with someone? lmAO NOPE

162. Story of the first time you had sex? FUCK NOP

163. When did you first have sex? 18 bye

164. First time you gave/ received oral sex? 18 jesus

165. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? nope but im gonna have to soon kill me i want to die

167. Favorite fictional character (movie, book, tv show)? cosima niehaus

168. How many followers do you have on tumblr? What about twitter/ instagram? 500 something idk? twitter like 200 something and insta 200 something too? idk im not really on insta anymore?

169. Are you friend with your parents on Facebook? who isnt?

170. First time you thought you were in love? When did you realize that you weren’t actually in love with that person? haha lol wow what a mistake jahahahaha

171. Do you talk to yourself? constantly

172. How old will you be on your next birthday? 20 what the fuck

173. How did you meet the last person you kissed? we were in public speaking together rip

174. Do you have any hickies? yea

175. Turn ons? girls

176. Turn offs? boys

177. What qualities did you get from your mom? all of my bad qualities

178. What qualities did you get from your dad? also all of my bad qualities

179. How many siblings do you have? 2 older brothers

180. Have you ever taken anyone’s virginity? nope

[panclownrights]

Get To Know The Blogger (Repost)

1. If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?

Binge watch my current favorite shows and movies. (Currently: Parenthood, Skam, and 13 Reasons Why

2. What is your favorite piece of clothing you own / owned?

Leggings because they’re comfortable as fuck. 

3. What hobby would you pick up if time & money weren't an issue?

Yoga seems fun and I try to be a chilled person. 

4. What does your perfect room look like?

A rustic/vintage style room with a bunch of old cameras and maps and books but then also plants and fairy lights.

5. How often do you play sports?

If I played sports often I would not be on here. 

6. What fictional place would you like to visit?

I want to visit Idris (Shadowhunters).

7. What job would you be terrible at?

I’m terrible at any job that you have to do under pressure (most jobs) so I would be a really bad waitress. 

8. When was the last time you climbed a tree?

I have never climbed a tree. 

9. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance of winning a medal for?

Being able to find out certain information on anyone about anything.

10. What is the most annoying habit that you or other people have?

I am ALWAYS late. I can never be on time for anything. 

11. What job do you think you'd be really good at?

I think I would be good as a retail person or a makeup artist. 

12. What skill would you like to master?

Drumming, guitar, piano, singing, and reading fast. 

13. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?

A road trip across the US with my friends.

14. If you had unlimited funds to build a house to live on for the rest of your life, what would the finished house look like?

An apartment type place that is an industrial building with old brick and a spiral staircase with a bunch of rustic accessories, located in a city. 

15. What's your favorite drink?

Hot chocolate.

16. What state or country do you never want to go back to?

I have never been there but I never want to go to Idaho.. I don’t know why??

17. What songs do you have completely memorized?

Anything Troye Sivan, 5sos, most One Direction. A bunch of songs.

18. What game or movie universe would you like to live in?

Twilight in Forks, Washington. 

19. What do you consider to be your best find?

Um... I dont know?

20. Are you usually early or late?

Late forever and always.

21. What pets did you have when you were growing up?

Two cats, two hamsters, a bunch of fish, hermit crabs, and a dog. 

22. When people come to you for help, what do they usually need help with?

Mainly any type of advice. Boys usually with girls and girls usually with rumors and gossip. 

23. What takes up too much of your time?

My phone, specifically a website called Quotev. 

24. What do you wish you knew more about?

I wish I knew more about psychology. 

25. What would be your first question after waking up from being frozen for 100 years?

Who the fuck froze me?

26. What are some small things that make your day better?

When an idol of mine posts a new picture or video. Or when a new clip or episode of one of my favorite shows comes out. 

27. Who's your go-to band or artist when you don't know who or what to listen to?

5 Seconds of Summer. 

28. What's the best way to start the day?

Waking up around 9 am, showering, and having a fruit with coffee. 

29. What TV shows do you like?

Skam, Shameless, American Horror Story, Shadowhunters, Scream Queens, 13 Reasons Why, Modern Family, The Fosters, Riverdale, and Parenthood. 

30. What TV channel doesn't exist but really should?

LGBTQ+ channel.

31. Who has impressed you most with what they've accomplished?

Any actors that started at a later age (19-23) and are on successful, popular shows or movies now. 

32. What age do you wish you could stay at permanently?

22 seems pretty great. 

33. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?

I refuse to watch most horror movies. 

34. What's your ideal way to spend a weekend?

A successful binge weekend of movies and tv. 

35. What is something that is considered a luxury, but you don't think you could live without?

My iphone. 

36. What is your claim to fame?

I don’t know, acting??

37. What is something you enjoy doing the old-fashioned way?

I enjoy writing letters and reading physical books. 

38. What's your favorite book or movie genre?

Fantasy or realistic - fiction. 

39. How often do you people-watch?

Basically everyday. 

40. What have you only recently formed an opinion about?

On how teenagers in high school need to be kinder towards each other and watch what they say and do that could be hurtful to someone else. 

41. What's the best day of the year?

Halloween.

42. What subject interests you that not many people have heard of?

I’m pretty sure most people have heard of psychology and astronomy. 

43. How do you relax after a long day of work?

Laying in bed and watching Netflix. 

44. What's the best book series or TV series you've ever read or watched?

I have been watching Shadowhunters ever since it aired then watched the movie and now am currently reading the books. 

45. Where is the farthest you've ever been from home?

I went from Florida to Boston without my family one summer. 

46. What's the most heartwarming thing you've ever seen?

I have seen many heartwarming things. 

47. What is the most annoying question people ask you?

Where do you want to go to college? 

48. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with no preparation?

Either Shadowhunters or Evan Peters. 

49. If you were the dictator on a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do?

Make them all have some form of sparkly accessory and have any of my favorite shows air on each person’s televisions whenever they are on. 

50. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?

They should take a trip alone. 

51. Would you rather go hand gliding or whitewater rafting?

Whitewater rafting. 

52. What's your dream car?

A purple jeep or a Volkswagen van. 

53. What's worth spending more on to get the best?

Foundation always. 

54. What is something a ton of people are obsessed with, but you just don't get?

Actually most trends like the thing on the back of people’s phones or the unicorn frap I do not understand. 

55. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years?

Being able to travel. 

56. Where is the most interesting place you've been?

Disney World. 

57. What's something you've been meaning to try but haven't gotten around to it?

Playing the drums and yoga. 

58. What is the best thing that happened to you last week?

I went on vacation.

59. What piece of entertainment do you wish you could erase from your mind, only to experience it for the first time again?

The Malec kiss scene in season 1 episode 12 on Shadowhunters. 

60. If all jobs had the same pay rate and hours, what job would you want to have?

A retail job at Barnes & Noble. 

61. What amazing thing have you done that no one was around to see?

Ace a Biology tests since I suck at science. 

62. How different was your life 1 year ago?

I lived in a different state, went to public school, and had friends. 

63. What quirks do you have?

I rant about my current obsessions, I do not know how to make eye contact, and I dodge away from conversations. 

64. What would you rate 10/10?

My gay ships. 

65. What fad or trend do you think should come back?

I thought the Rainbow Loom was awesome. 

66. What is the most interesting piece of art you've seen?

Shirtless guys.

67. What kind of art do you enjoy most?

I enjoy face paint.

68. What do you hope never changes?

Our freedom of speech. 

69. What city would you most like to live in?

Boston or New York City. 

70. What movie title best describes your life?

The Art of Getting By. (The movie is basically me)

71. Why did you decide to do the work you are doing now?

I am not doing any work. 

72. What's the best way a person can spend their time?

Doing what they are most passionate about and feeling care free about it. 

73. If you suddenly became a master at woodworking, what would you make?

I would make furniture that looked like it was from a fairy tale world

74. Where is the most relaxing place you've ever been?

In a spa.

75. What's the luckiest thing that has ever happened to you?

I won a cute and expensive bag without realizing that’s what I signed up for.

76. Where would you rather be from?

I am from New York and I like being from there.

77. What are some things you've had to unlearn?

I did not have to, but every summer I forget everything I learned that year in math.

78. What do you look forward to in the next 6 months?

I am going on vacation with my cousins. 

79. What website do you visit most often?

Quotev or Instagram.

80. What one thing do you really want but can't afford?

High quality makeup. 

81. Where do you usually go when you have free time?

I go to my bedroom.

82. Where would you spend all your time if you could?

My bedroom. 

83. What's special about the place you grew up?

I have never grown up in one place. I move every 4 years. 

84. What age do you want to live to?

95 seems like a good age.

85. What are you most likely to become famous for?

Makeup or acting. 

86. What are you absolutely determined to do?

To live my life to the fullest and not have regrets on things I did not do. 

87. What is the most impressive thing you know how to do?

How to draw a skull on my face using just eye shadow. 

88. What do you wish you knew more about?

I answered this question earlier on. 

89. What question would you most like to know the answer to?

What is my future going to be?

90. What question can you ask to find out the most about a person?

What are your passions?

91. When was the last time you changed your opinion or belief about something major?

I stopped believing in my religion and the political opinions my family has. 

92. What's the best compliment you've ever received?

You are really interesting to talk to. 

93. As the only human left on earth, what would you do?

Scream as loud as possible. 

94. Who inspires you to be better?

My idols (there are a lot).

95. What do you want your epitaph to be?

She lived a long, full life doing what she loved. 

96. What haven't you grown out of?

Hugging my mom in public. 

97. In what situation or place would you feel most out of place in?

A high school.

98. What's the dumbest thing you've done that actually turned out pretty well?

Throw a party. 

99. If someone wrote a book on an event in your life, what would the book be about?

Nothing at all. I am not interesting. 

100. What's something you will never do again?

Throw a party. 

101. How do you hope you'll change as a person in the future?

I hope to be more confident, daring, and adventurous. 

102. What keeps you up at night?

Things I keep putting off or events that happen the next day. 

103. What's the most surprising self-realization you've had?

That I was a negative person and needed to change for the better. 

104. What is the most illegal thing you've ever done?

Drink underage. Risky, I know. 

105. How do you get in the way of your own success?

I am a big procrastinator. 

106. What are you afraid people see when they look at you?

My body.

107. What is your biggest regret?

Not applying myself more (I’m still working on that).

108. What do you look down on people for?

The way they behave and treat others. 

109. What bridges do you not regret burning?

Toxic or one sided relationships. 

110. What lie do you tell most often?

I’m almost ready.  

111. What would be your spirit animal?

A hedgehog. 

112. What is the best & worst thing about getting older?

Living on your own.

113. What are you most likely very wrong about?

A lot of things. 

114. If you had a personal flag, what would be on it?

A rainbow and glitter.

115. What's happened that changed your view on the world?

How negative or hurtful people can be.

116. What is the biggest lesson you've learned?

That there is no point in being negative about a situation because it will not do anything to fix it. 

117. What is the most immature thing you do?

Wear hair bows.

118. What are you famous for among your friends & family?

Being the outcast. 

119. If your childhood had a smell, what would it be?

The pool. 

120. What one responsibility do you wish you didn't have?

Making money to live even if it is something you do not enjoy. 

121. What are 3 things you want to accomplish before you die?

Travel to all the places I want to visit, being successful in some sort of way, and helping to make a difference somewhere. 

122. What do you want to tell your 10-year-old self?

So far, 10 was back when things were simple so stay there till further notice. 

123. What's the best thing you got from your parents?

Their attitude on doing what makes you happy. 

124. What's the best thing about you?

I am passionate about many things and have big dreams. 

125. What blows your mind?

How people think it is cool to not care about things. 

126. Have you ever saved someone's life?

No. 

127. What are you really good at but embarrassed to be good at?

How easy I can find out information about people. 

128. What would a mirror opposite of you look like?

Black hair, dark skin, brown eyes, tall, skinny. 

129. What are 3 interesting facts about you?

I watch about 5 movies a week, I am homeschooled, I have been to Disney 25 times. 

130. Which of your scars has the best story behind it?

None of my scars have interesting stories. 

131. What's the title of the current chapter in your life?

A work in progress. 

132. What were some of the biggest turning points in your life?

When I went from public school to high school. 

133. What's the hardest lesson you've learned?

It is hard to find genuine people who care about you when you’re young. 

134. What do people think is weird about you?

My obsession with sparkles. 

135. What mistake do you keep making?

Trusting people. 

136. What have you created that you're most proud of?

I rewrote an alternate version of the ending to The Fault In Our Stars. 

137. What do you doubt?

I have a bad habit of doubting my ability to be confident and social. 

138. What are some of your morals?

Be kind, always. Do what you love. Have goals and make dreams. If you try hard enough and work your ass off, you will succeed. You are not getting anywhere with a negative attitude. 

139. What do you want to be remembered for?

Making a difference in somebody’s life. 

140. What do you regret not doing in your childhood years?

Having more of an opinion about things and standing up for myself. 

141. What is your favorite fragrance?

The A&F store. 

142. What do you think your last words will be?

I love you. 

143. Who or what do you take for granted?

The amount of free time I have. 

144. Why would you be annoying as a roommate?

I stay up super late with the lights on and take very long showers. 

145. What is something you're insecure about?

My body. 

146. What's the best & worst piece of advice you've received?

Do what you love is the best. Get a high paying job to make money is the worst. 

147. What irrational fears do you have?

Not knowing what my future is. 

148. What makes a good life?

Living the exact way you want to live with little regrets. 

149. What's the last adventure you went on?

I don’t even know. 

150. What is the most memorable gift you've received?

A ring my aunt gave me that was made from one of her mother’s stones she had on her old jewelry. 

[patrick-ships]

Everything is blue (Ethan Nestor x male reader) [part 11]

Ethan POV

I was laughing my ass off from (M/N)'s antics. He always had a joke at the ready, or trick up his sleeve. He leaned down and kissed me, something he doesn't usually do on camera. He pulled away and ruffled my hair, exiting the recording room. Words can not describe how much I loved this man. I don't know what I would do with out him. He's been here for the last four years, he was always there for me. I met him when he thought there was nothing left in the world for him. His family hated him for being gay, he was depressed and suicidal. I checked on him everyday, for months we went through that routine. I will always remember one night though. It was late, I couldn't sleep, and I had been ignoring call all day from people. But when (M/N) called me, I picked up on the first ring. He was emotional, but not crying. He refused to cry. I talked him through it, I stayed up till six the next morning just to make sure he was okay. From that day on, we called every night. I made time for him anyway I could, and started to fall in love with him. I'd always thought he wouldn't love me though. He was gay, but I didn't know what type of people he was into, or even he saw me in that light.

And I remember the night I told him everything. He didn't hesitate in responding. He was the first person I came out to before Amy. I felt so safe when I was talking to him, and I felt even safer when I was in his arms. I wanted to spend my life with him, till we crumbled to dust. This was the man that I had fallen in love with four years ago. The guy that I watched change into this amazing man that wasn't afraid of anything, that didn't care what people say. He was so happy to be who he was now. And I couldn't help but smile whenever I thought of him.

I ended my stream and hour late, and got ready to leave and go see wedding venues. There were three we were looking at.

Where dreams come true

Garden dreams

Wood land loving

~~~~~~~~~~Time skip~~~~~~~~~~~

The first one was really over the top. It wasn't us, both me and (M/N) agreed on that. The Garden one was beautiful, but what if it rained? And it was a little small. We weren't planning to have a super big wedding, but even for the number we had already decided on, there wasn't enough room. The third one, woodland something, was perfect. It had room for dancing, it was good for indoor/outdoor use, and it just felt....magical. So we rented it for September 12. I sent pictures to Amy, and she said she loved it. (M/N) grabbed my hand and led me back to the car.

"We have an appointment for picking up the cards love. We can send them out today if you would like."

"Yeah, are you going to send any to your family?" I knew I had to tread carefully, he didn't like talking about them, and I understand why.

"I'll send one to Tom, but I could care less about the others."

I squeezed his hand, and he smiled at me. I couldn't help but blush. He made me feel like I was always on cloud nine. I woke up next to him every morning, went to sleep next him at night, spent almost every moment with him.  He was my Prince Charming, a knight in shining armor. He was everything I wanted and then some. He did all the house work, which I tried to help, but he wouldn't let me. He treated me like a king, and I do my best to make him feel the same.

(M/N) POV

Ethan seemed distracted. He was staring out the car window, looking at the rolling fields. He was thinking about something, but I couldn't tell what. My phone buzzed, and it jostled him out his thoughts to look at it. It then started buzzing as if there were a million texts coming through. Ethan expression changed when he was reading them. He now looked really sad, I could barely focus, I can't do anything when my blueberry is sad.

"(M/N)..." Ethan said looking up from the phone, "it's your mom."

"Just ignore it" Ethan set it down, but it went off again, only constantly buzzing. It was a call.

"It's your mom, do you want me to ignore it?"

"I'll give her five minutes to talk, if she's says something I don't agree with, then I'll just hang up and turn my phone on silent." Ethan nodded and put the phone up to my ear.

"(M/N) Francesca (L/N), what the hell do you think your doing? How dare you dishonor me in such a way. Your a disgrace to this family. How dare you Marry him. How can you be so mean that you wou-"

"Shut the fuck up. I did not ask for your opinion, nor do I care to fucking hear it. You kicked me out and disowned me four years ago. It's my life, my choice, and I'm going to marry who ever the duck I want. I don't care what you think, I don't care what the rest of the family will think, and I don't care if I disgrace the family. I'm not part of it and have no interest to be part of it."

"You listen to me and listen to me good. Your going to bre-"

"Bye" and I hung up, "I'm so done dealing with her Ethan. Why can't she just leave me alone. I love you, we have a life together, why would I want to throw away something I worked so hard for."

Ethan grabbed my hand,, "it doesn't matter, is she didn't want you back then, why should you want her now. Everything will be okay. I promise." I squeezed his hand.

"I believe you. Your my world Ethan....you mean everything to me.  I'd do anything and everything to keep you in my arms."

We drove the rest of the way to  pick up the invitations, then went to the post office and mailed them, then went to the grocery store. We picked up a few things we needed, like Tylenol and coffee. Then headed back to the apartment. It was 3:00, we missed lunch, but that was fine. We had some coffee and blueberry muffins, and sat down on the couch together, Ethan's head in my lap. I was absentmindedly  running my  hands through his hair. I was completely lost in my thoughts as I scrolled through my phone. After a while, I noticed Ethan had fallen asleep, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so, you say your mother only smiles on her tv show. Your only happy when your sorry head if filled with dope, I hope you make it to the day your twenty eight years old."

Ethan POV

I heard (M/N)  singing, he hasn't down that in awhile...

"your dripping like a saturated sunrise, your spilling like an overflowing sink. Your ripped at ever edge but your a master piece, and now your tearing through the pages and the ink." There was a lot of emotion in his voice, I knew the call with his mom shook him up a little, but I didn't know if this emotion was from it.

"Everything is blue. His pills, his hands, his jeans. And now I'm covered in the colors pulled apart at the seams. And it's blue, and it's blue. Everything if gray. His hair, his smoke, his dreams. And now he's so devoid of color he don't know what it means. And it's blue, and it's blue."

(M/N)'s hands were running through my hair, twisting it around his fingers, and then letting it go.

"You were a vision in the morning when the light came through, I know I've only felt religion when I've lied with you. You said I'll never be forgiven till your boys are too. And I'm still waking every morning but it's not with you."

(M/N) kissed my forehead, his hand grabbing my mine.

"You're dripping like a saturated sunrise, your spilling like an overflowing sink. Your ripped at ever edge but your a masterpiece, and now your tearing through the pages and the ink."

(M/N) trailed off, sounding distant, but yet so close. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, tell him everything would be okay. I'd opened my eyes at this point, but he hadn't noticed.

"You were red, and you liked me because I was blue. But when you touched me, I became a lilac sky. And you decided purple just wasn't for you..."

Tears were  rolling down (M/N)'s face, leaving wet trails behind them. I gently squeezed his hand, and he jumped a little.

"What's wrong (M/N)?"

"Dont worry about it Ethan"

"I can see that your upset. Your crying, and you have so much emotion in your voice, you can't hide it from me"

Thats when (M/N) pulled me into his lap and sobbed into the crook of my neck. I held him close, I wanted to him to know that I loved him. About twenty minutes later, his cry had almost stopped.

"I'm sorry Ethan"

"What do you mean"

"I can't even hold myself together, I'm a mess. I can't think straight, I can't focus. I feel so lost....all I want to do is hold you until we fall asleep. I want to ignore the rest of the world, I just want to be free from my family. They don't care about me, so why should I care about them?  I can block out everyone in the universe, but you and sometimes them, are the only ones who bring me to my knees."

I pulled (M/N) forehead to rest against mine, and I softly kissed him. I was determined to make him feel better, no matter what it took...

[understarlitskies]

The last week has seen my Facebook feed inundated with posts about gender inequality and rape culture after a shocking incident in Melbourne, Australia. But I’ve noticed how quiet men have been on the issue (unless, of course, they are invalidating the experiences of women). As if this doesn’t concern them and they are just waiting for the storm to pass. Let the angry feminists complain for a bit then let the fuss die down. How absolutely intolerable it must be for you! That even though women are harassed, assaulted, raped, and murdered every day you are forced to come face to face with it once every couple of months! You have the privilege and the luxury to ignore this issue; we don’t. I’m tired of these conversations that peter out because only one half of the population is trying to make a change, the very half of the population that is conveniently silenced and devalued. I thought perhaps the lack of action on their part is because they don’t know what to say or because they don’t understand, but I think it may have more to do with ignorance. So that there is no longer any confusion or excuses for passive bystanding, here is a list of things you can do to stop oppressing women:

·         If you’re on Tumblr, then I’ll make the grand assumption you have a basic grasp on the human language. No means no. And if a woman does not positively, unequivocally, and freely affirm that she wants sexual contact, LEAVE HER ALONE.

·         Sit down, shut up, be quiet and not only listen to women speak truth to their lived experiences within a patriarchal society, but hear them and believe them.

·         When women speak up about gender inequality, they are ridiculed, shame, distrusted, harassed. Our voices are not valued. We need you to stand with us, to speak up with us, to speak back against those who are against us.

·         You look at any single video, picture, or article online that brings light to the silenced topic of women’s oppression, and you’ll find spiteful comments that question the existence of this inequality, that legitimise rape and harassment, or that actually threaten assault. Challenge this dismissive and hateful behaviour wherever you see it and whoever you see initiating it.

·         Remain a sustained engagement in fighting for equality. Every now and then a high profile case will dominate media and cause uproars and intentions for change. But then we all slip back into the comfortable normalisation of gender-based injustice and violence. Or rather, you do. We live every day painfully conscious of how we must live our lives in order to avoid being victimised. This world is not comfortable for us. Keep the conversation going. Remain informed, aware, and vigilant.

·         Here’s a hard truth - Our bodies weren’t created simply for your viewing pleasure. I’m sick to death of going running and having men leer at me from their car, honk their horns, and cat-call. Stop sexualising and objectifying women in your behaviours, attitudes, language, and thoughts and challenge those who do.

·         We must always take into account and address the unique and compounding considerations of intersectionality (that is, the intersections between gender and race, class, religion, age, sexual orientation, etc.) as well as gender-diverse and non-binary individuals. Gender inequality is prolific and affects different women in different ways, and we need to start with an understanding of these different ways, not just relegate them to footnotes.

·         Boys will not be boys. To be predatory creatures is not in your biology. It is a choice. Take responsibility and make sure your language reflects it. Stop victim-blaming, stop saying rape ‘jokes’. Refer to Women’s Health West “Speaking publicly about preventing men’s violence against women: Curly questions and language considerations” for some handy tips on correcting your language.

·         Talk to your male friends and family. Is this an awkward conversation? An uncomfortable one? Tough. Your inability to stand up for inequality and your comfortable complicity is directly tied to our discomfort, our assault, our harassment, our death. What do you currently do to perpetuate inequality? How do you do better?

·         We don’t need you to shake your heads at the next news story about a rape and murder and think “that’s terrible”. Get angry. DO something. Advocate, speak up, protest, report, lobby. Don’t say you’re one of the ‘good ones’ if the only thing you’re doing is not raping someone. That bar is so low you could step over it.

·         Realise that inciting violence on someone who has been violent to another, is perpetuating the violent narrative.  And that scares us. You’re still not one of the “good ones” if your answer to someone assaulting a woman is to wish and/or inflict violence on them. See the circle based on a culture that normalises male violence?

·         Take a gendered lens to your life – where are women missing? From workspaces, politics, the media you consume. And be critical – are you inadvertently supporting men who harass and abuse women in the music you listen to, the books you read, the movies you watch?

·         Question toxic masculinity and take a critical eye to the way romantic relationships are presented in music, books, tv, and movies. Misogyny and inequality are learned. Take it upon yourself to unlearn them.

 I refuse to continue to placate the fragile little egos of men who refuse to bear responsibility for stopping gender inequality. Know that unless you are actively engaged in ways to help achieve equality, you are activity complicit in maintaining it. Does it sound like I’m angry? Because I am. I am furious that myself and anyone identifying as a woman is treated as a second-class citizen. If you’re a man reading this and you’re feeling a bit angry right now and feel like writing some sort of rebuttal, I STRONGLY recommend that you refrain from doing so and either begin to acknowledge and deal with your gendered privileges or remove yourself from my contacts. I am forced to deal with enough disrespectful, vulgar, sleazy, and entitled men on a daily basis and will no longer stand for it on Facebook too. If you’re uncomfortable, good. The whole world is built around accommodating your comfort and safety at the expense of women’s. This isn’t an either/or, zero-sum equation. I’m not advocating for a flipping of circumstance and the rise of a matriarchal society; I just want a society where people can feel safe and valued. And at the moment, men are standing in the way of that vision.

 “It's hard not to feel humourless, as a woman and a feminist, to recognise misogyny in so many forms, some great some small, and know you're not imagining things. It's hard to be told to lighten up because if you lighten up any more, you're going to float the f**k away” (Roxanne Gay, ‘Bad Feminist’)

 Educate Yourself

https://www.ted.com/talks/jackson_katz_violence_against_women_it_s_a_men_s_issue#t-648811

https://mashable.com/2017/10/16/how-men-should-respond-to-sexual-assault-me-too/#M9hjWfTO3aqR

https://www.adventurouskate.com/how-men-can-fight-toxic-masculinity-and-rape-culture/

https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/stop-violence-against-women/dont-just-stand-by/

http://www.whattosay.org.au/

https://www.theline.org.au/how-to-guide-to-stepping-up-against-sexist-behaviour

http://everydaysexism.com/country/au

https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/understand-domestic-violence/facts-violence-women/factsheets/

https://www.thenation.com/article/ten-things-end-rape-culture/

https://www.sheknows.com/living/articles/1106959/rape-culture

[i-amusemyself]

All Lets Get Personal.

Thanks anon!! My depressed ass needed something to do

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

It really depends on my mood tbh. But judging by my YouTube playlists:

Church- Fall out boy; Hopeless Wanderer- Mumford and Sons (its a jam okay?); Summertime- my chemical romance; so cold- ben cocks; this is me- keala settle and killing in the same- rage against the machine

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Lmao idk I dont have much of an interest in anyone atm. I still think itd be cool to meet kaitlyn alexander ig

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

You recognise each other the moment your eyes meet. It’s a question and answer book and the question is about soulmates or something

4: What do you think about most?

What it is I need to do to stop feeling anxious or stressed since it’s a daily battle

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“it was hillarious but I couldn’t say “lmao I’ve seen women take bigger” so I just let the conversation die but I was urging to show him a savage video and ruin him just to be right but then I stopped myself”

Yes, it is as bad in context as out of it.

Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Depends how warm it is tbh

What’s your strangest talent?

Talent? What’s that?? Idk I’m quite good at picking up languages super fast for some unknown reason (but i can forget them just as quick soo

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are hot hot hot they make me gay

Boys are hot hot hot they make me gay

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Nah, but I’m not major sad about it since that’d be so awkward

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Oh gosh um probably in the car the other day, canny remember which song it was tho

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

I seriously hate water like to the point I chose my uni based on where the lakes were. I also hate stuffed toys with voice boxes. 

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Probably but I don’t remember

13: What’s your religion?

I’m an athiest

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Walking between indoor places

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind it! I’m not photogenic

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Ummmmmmm idk. I genuinly don’t know. I probably listen to five finger death punch most atm?

17: What was the last lie you told?

I said I was feeling good lmao

18: Do you believe in karma?

I don’t know, but I like to hope it does to make myself feel better 

19: What does your URL mean?

I think it’s pretty self explanatory

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

My greatest weakness? Probably my low opinion of myself or my associated jealousy.

My greatest strength? A few years ago I mightve said my resilience but I’m not sure I ever have that anymore. Idk, maybe my need to always keep improving as a person

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

See number 2 tbh

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Yah every time I have a bath

23: How do you vent your anger?

I send massive long rant paragraphs to my closest friends and try not to do anything stupid or unhealthy

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

I have a pretty big collection of reaction images and memes

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

I hate both but video chatting is slightly better

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

I suppose. I’m closer to being happy with them than I ever have been and that’s what matters.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

At this point I hate the sound of my alarm more than most things and I love... idk music. Does that count?

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if I’d stood up for myself more?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I don’t know as I believe in ghosts but I’m fascinated by the people who do. As for aliens ofc they exist.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

I touch sofa. Both times. I’m sat on a sofa.

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

I smell rabbit since he’s currently sat with me in a box. I got lonely.

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

Gosh I don’t know. I can’t really think of anywhere I’ve hated being, besides home sometimes. I don’t know, no where has been that bad since I always try to make the best of it.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

East coast

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Opposite eh? Lmaoooo

Okay I actually have quite a thing for the lead singer of motionless in white. Make of that what you will.

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

To be happy, to go good and to die with as few regrets as possible

36: Define Art.

Fuck. Something visual this is made to be aesthetically pleasing or convey a message. I guess.

37: Do you believe in luck?

I’m not entirely sure what luck is. Maybe?

38: What’s the weather like right now?

Fekkin horrible, you wouldn’t know it’s spring. It’s grey and wet and windy and cold.

39: What time is it?

17:51

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I have a full license but haven’t actually driven since my test, so I haven’t had a chance to crash.

41: What was the last book you read?

When breath becomes air. It’s about being a doctor.

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

I adore it yaas

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Char, (wholemeal) chorlo and Thot lmao

44: What was the last film you saw?

Love, Simon

Go see it, it’s gay and beautiful!

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Idk, I broke my humorous after dislocating my elbow once. But that was ages ago

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Hundreds lmao thats my childhood right there

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

I’m too depressed to have much of an interest in anything tbh. Even when I’m not I don’t tend to get That Invested.

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

Bisexual, ig. Though saying it never feels right for some reason.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

A few, a few. One being that I was a lesbian years before even I knew I wasn’t straight. 

50: Do you believe in magic?

Not really but who knows

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

The threshold for grudges is pretty high but if I have one I’ll be bitter til the day I die

52: What is your astrological sign?

Libra

53: Do you save money or spend it?

I swing wildly between saving loads and spending loads. Healthy.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

Um I mean I paid the deposit on a house, does that count?

55: Love or lust?

Love, for sure

56: In a relationship?

Yeah XD

57: How many relationships have you had?

This is like my third proper one

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

Nope

59: Where were you yesterday?

At home on my tod again, revising

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Nah

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

Yuup

62: What’s your favourite animal?

I love all the animals I can’t pick a favourite. I love alpacas, chimps, gorrillas, orangutans, lizards, elephants, octopuses etc etc

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Excessive praying and reblogging lucky posts

64: Where is your best friend?

Tbh I have multiple, one in the next village, one 6 hours south and one 4000 miles away

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

Christ um, people I spam with likes most are probably @oneshappyplace @apricot-el @only-slightly-dangerous @succeeding and @setheverman

66: What is your heritage?

I’m white as a toilet so my family probably murdered a lot of innocent people

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Umm I was skyping my boyf and playing a game online with him

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Trump

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

Yeah, haven’t most people?

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I like to think so yeah. Though I do have a lot of breakdowns so maybe without that part. @ my friends I apologise

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Help the dog. Though realistically I probably couldn’t do it alone, so would call someone over to help and leave asap to not be so late.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I think I’d tell the people closest to me, yeah. I don’t know what I’d do though. Probably book as many flights as possible and visit all the countries I’ve always wanted to go to. I guess I’d probably write my will and organise a funeral too. I don’t think I’d be too afraid, just, idk, sad? I don’t want to disappear to nothingness yet, even if I won’t know when it happens.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Argh that’s horrid. I mean trust is essential for all relationships imo. But if I had no love at all in my life I doubt I’d live very long at all. So... love? No wait,,, trust. Yeah trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men. It reminds me of a school trip years ago to Belgium that was such a good time

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

8008

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Well, trust ig, being able to talk about anything, a good balance of affection and roasting. Idk

77: How can I win your heart?

Be kind, be funny and have layers.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

I suppose so 

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

The decision to reply to the message that appeared in my inbox right before I was going to end it. There were plenty, but I only opened that one. The person who sent it changed my life.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

7

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

Either a pun or something ominous. Maybe both.

82: What is your favourite word?

Probably sorry since I say it a lot

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Love, followed quickly by the mental image of a dissected heart

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

I amuse myself. Gotta keep up that brand sponning.

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Don’t feel like dancing by the scissor sisters lmao

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Black, red and purple

87: What is your current desktop picture?

Just a galaxy

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Donald. Trump. When in close proximity to Mike Pence too.

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

Besides “what are your credit card details”? Idk, perhaps a question about the flaws of the people closest to me, since they’re something I wouldn’t want them to read.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Lie there still for a good 5 minutes just to make sure. Maybe chuck a pillow across the room to see if they attack it. Then go fetch my phone and call whoever will pick up to ask wtf to do.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

The ability to fly probably. It’d help stop me being late and transport is so expensive these days.

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

A half hour period of the time me and my friend spent outside laughing our heads off and covered in glitter when I visited her in the states last summer

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Damn, only one? Lmao catch me ranking my traumas to try to answer this question. I’ll erase getting flooded and being made homeless I think lmao

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Probably P!nk since she was low key my gay awakening

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

I quite fancy going to amsterdam rn, or failing that, copenhagen

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not that I know of

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Only as a little kid

98: Ever been on a plane?

Plenty of times yeah, I love it

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

I wish there was some way I could convince all the dictators, extremists and right wingers to just fekkin stop tbh. Centrists can stay but theyre on thin ice.

[tiswhatyouwill]

Lolly lady

He had always had an obsession with lolly pops. He always had one and if he wasn't eating one then there were three on call ready to be devoured. When he was a kid it was comfort from his parents arguing. He could sit there at dinner and enjoy sucking on the little round candy and ignore them. When he got older it became weird for a little boy to always have a lolly pop or wear dresses so he changed the only thing he could. He became a she. That was a lot easier. He became very good at it and his obsession became some thing people liked. Sexy was what they started saying to her in high school. She learned to giggle. Her dad wasn’t there any more and her mom seemed to like having some one to take shopping with her. In fact the two were very close. They were like true best friends. Not in the weird obsessive way mothers and daughters usually were best friends. Neither worshiped the other. They didn't even use the names assigned to them her conception. Mom was simply Sam and Roy was Lilliy. The hormones weren't hard and they moved when the dad died so on one at school knew her as Roy. She was the beauty of the school and her only bully were the jealous little boys and girls who couldn't handle her perfection. She strictly avoided dating though. She claimed religion but it was her fear of discovery that she wasn't actually quite the girl she said she was. The lolly pops never went away though. They were her symbol. they were what allowed her to be silent when she didn't want to talk and a little bit of comfort when ever the situation got rough.   It was a particularly difficult Latin translation and sucking on some thing always helped her concentrate. The biggest guy  on the foot ball ream, or really the biggest guy in the whole school Rounded the corner and grinned wildly when he saw her. It was the kind of grin a hunter makes when their prey stands in the open and has no idea there was an attack coming. That was some thing he did frequently when they made eye contact. She gave removed the lolly pop with a loud pop sound and said hello sweetly though her edge of annoyance was obvious. He didn't seem to mind.  “I heard you haven’t said yes to any one for prom even though its tonight”  “Yes things are said all the time. Props to you for being able to hear” He laughed at her attempt to insult him “I know why too”   To that she quirked an eyebrow “I though my reasons were quite obvious. I dont date.”   He made a tisk tisk sound and sat next to her, a little too close. “And I don’t use steroids.”  His sarcasm almost made her laugh because it was an absurd statement. Everyone knew he took testosterone and a slew of other drugs to help him bulk up. He had bragged about it before gym class one day and even flashed his buddy the syringes. Lilly caught a gimps of it form where she was standing.  “Some of us are more honest then others.” She said and pretended to go back to her Latin translation.  He seemed amused “you lie as much as i do. You date. You Just need the right man.” There was an odd sarcastic edge to that tone and Lilly looked up in time to see his face right next to hers. He pretended to kiss the edge of her jaw and she held her breath. Her cheeks filled with blood and she set the book down to hide the other place blood was going.  He laughed and whispered “Of course maybe  you are just hiding some thing.” he whispered in her ear and very quickly removed her latin text book. She would have thought her hands were holding it with a death but with the ease of which he took the book no one would ever have known. It sent her candy across the hall where is shattered aginst the floor. She was too saddened at the loss of her candy do notice the slight bolge of her pants. The boy grinned like a hunter with prey about to be devoured and teasingly nibbled her hear in a way that made her forget to breath. “So prom. I will pick you up from your place at 6.” He stood before she could respond and left the book where he had been sitting. She still couldn't remember how to breather completely and was still stairing at him as some one rounded the corner. She startled realizing what was easily see but didn’t have time to panic as the foot ball player was already pulling to the student and pulling the kid in the other direction and going on about how toe coach needs some one help fill all the doge balls. 

It took her several minutes to calm her self and process what had happened. She didn't even know the guys name. Harvey or some thing like that. Why though. If he knew what she was hiding was he going to humiliate her? It had to be it. He wanted her to go with him and then in front of everyone he was going to tell everyone. Buy why make her go as his date. Wouldn’t people call him gay if he did brought her as his date? She finally decided he was doing it for status. She was asked by at least 10 different guys including the foot ball teams captain. He must have just needed a date that bad. Though it wasn’t like he wasn’t handsome. He was the biggest guy on the team though not just by bulk. he was tall and covered in lean muscle. sh vaguely remembered hearing about him doing hip hop dance. So if he was lacking in a date it was his choice. Maybe there was a bet about who could get her to go with her.  The rest of the day was pretty uneventful though she was nervous about the night to come and it was only made worse by the fact that her last lolly pop was laying shattered in the second floor English wing. She texted her mom to pick more up on her way home. However when she got home she found a police car out front and not her moms car. A police officer was sitting across a coffee table from her mother. He was trying to look stern. When Lilly came in the officer turned to her but her mom spoke first “Lilly! How was school” Like nothing weird was going on. Truthfully it wasn’t that weird but she eyed the officer like he was suspicious. “Oh don’t worry. I pulled me over for speeding and i was just a tad too far from home. Officer Louis was kind enough to take me home fro the station.”  The officer sighed “If you keep breaking the terms of house arrest they will make you serve the rest of your sentence in a prison. This isn’t a joke.” “I was running just a little late. No one is going to put me in jail for tht.” She said brightly. “No they will put you in jail for murder.” He said harshly. He was tired of her not taking anything seriously.  Sam’s face darkened immediately and the officer started to appoligize and stumbled for a moment over words “Look you two deserve better but you need to take this seriously. I still have to obey the law and you only have two more slip ups before I have no choice but arrest you for real.  Lilly frowned at the pair of adults “Yes officer she knows. Rubbing it in her face wont chance anything. Some people just deal with stress by smiling and saying harsh things to a troubled woman wont help her. She wont brake the rules again. But if you can excuse us I have a dance to get ready for.”  He cleared his throat awkwardly; not use to being scolded some one so young but not having the heart to get mad about it. He stood to leave “So long as you make sure of it.” He said nodding to the woman in question and left.   Lilly laughed aloud and her mother joined her. “One of these days he will come back to marry you.” Lilly say by her mom and shrugged her back back to the seat beside her. “Did you call a tow truck for the car?”     Same palled suddenly “I said you could use it to go to your dance?!” Lilly laughed “Don’t worry, I have a date picking me up.” She let the skepticism show in her voice and with only a slight prompt she told Sam about what happened.  Sam tried to sound as skeptical as Lilly was about the date. But she was all to eager to add in “Maybe he is just gay and-” she was cut off by a glare from Lilly. But she glared back and continued “What harm could there be. You like him-” Another glare “And he didn't actually assault you did he?”  Lilly blushed and remembered the ear nibble. “He did kind of."   Her mom got very serious suddenly and there was a very rear bout of her mother acting like a mother coming.  “Lilly you have avoided dating up until this point so I haven really talked to you about this.” Lilly frowned at the prospect of ‘the talk’ but her her mother was owed a few mom talks every once in a while and Lilly would listen. So she stared blankly at Sam and waited.  Same rolled her eyes and continued “If he made you uncomfortable and your didn’t like it.” Lilly scoffed at the implication that she could have done anything but dislike it. The way you scoff when some one accuses you of stealing the last cookie. “then you cannot go with him tonight. You need to stand up for your self especially sense he gave you a veiled  threat.” She paused and thought for a moment. “No one has the right to do that to you. You need to be strong and not let him. If you don’t like it then don’t let him do it.” She paused “But it is okay to like it. You are allowed to be attracted to anyone and if that’s the case be honest about it. Don’t let any one push you but be honest about things you do want. That is the condition of not letting people push you. You have to push your self to the place you want to be but are uncomfortable about wanting. You need to firmly say no to what you don’t want and to firmly say yes to what you do want.” Sam had succeeded in thoroughly confusing her daughter.  “So what are you saying I should do. If it was a veiled threat then I cant just do what he wants me to do because that’s pushing me? But If I want to go it suddenly doesn't matter that he threatened to expose me?”  Sam paused and thought about it for a moment. “I think that he is a teenager and bad communicating what he means. He could have been meaning to imply that if you dont go then he will tell other people or he could have just been trying to show you that he was okay with it and that you don’t need to keep it a secret from him.”  “How do I know which he meant?” Lilly was feeling exasperated buy the conversation and wished desperately for some a lolly to nibble through her confusion.  “I don’t think you can know. I think that you have to act on what you feel and prepare for the worst. If you like him then go. Worst case he IS using you for status or to win a bet in which case you get a bad date. And if you dont like him and you go then so what if he tells other people? he has no proof and you are the loveliest lady, no one will believe him. And if anyone does believe him then I home school you through the last semester and we will move to California with my sister. There is a huge LGBTQ movement there where you dont need to pretend anything.” A suggestion made before and an eventually sense all the colleges she applied to were in California. Though her mother house arrest made it harder but the federal government actually asked her to move before so she was with her sister. Some thing about having a more stable enviornment.  “So I go?” Lilly finally asked  “Do you like him?” Sam retorted Lilly glared again  “I guess i should get ready then.” And so she did, with sam to help her like a best friend any high schooler would to giggle the night away with. It was exactly 6 when the door bell rang. Lilly was putting the last pin in her hair. She wore her long dark hair in an elaborate not around her head with dozens of sparkling pins to make her hair look like it was lightly dusted in snowflakes. Her dress was a pale blue that fit the contour of her breasts and waist like a glove. It flared just below the waist into a silky silver waterfall that flowed gracefully around her with every step.  The front was shorter and showed up to her knees while the back trailed lightly on the ground. When she emerged from her bedroom her mother had already and was making some veiled threats of her own. Harvey or what ever his name was did look a little shaken which was an odd sight as he stool almost a foot and a half over the two women. Lilly cleared her throat after a moment and Sam grinned at Lilly “ Lilly! You didn’t tell me Henry was such a gentleman.” Lilly caught that Sam had saved her the awkwardness of asking her date what his name was.  “He is my Date Sam, flirting wont help.” Sam giggled as if she weren't in her early 30s. Henry looked a little like he was drowning and Lilly had a moment of wondering if this was the same person who so boldly demanded her to come to prom with him. “Shall we?” Same looked grateful as he nodded yes and promised to take care of Sams daughter though he said daughter a little like a question. Sam was unfazed and wished Lilly a good night making a point that is her if she didn't hear from Lilly every hour she would call the police. As soon as they were in the limo normal smile returned and Lilly felt a little less confident in her choice. Well less confident in her choice to go with a date... more confident in her choice of a dress that did not constrict around her hips. The limo was empty and he made a point of sitting across form her and only smiling like a lion about to pounce. She realized this was an afewl mistake. Of curse he didn't like her. He was going to make a joke of her. Self consciously she tried to make her self as small as possible. He eyed her suspiciously and said with more sincerity they she thought he could “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”  She blushed hard and before she could relay the limo stopped and another guy got into the car. He was another of the foot ball team. This happened 5 times more after that with guys or girls joining. Several were Lilly's friends and she was a lot more comfortable. At several houses they were all pulled out and the parents paraded camera in front of them. And thats how the night continued. It was the fantasy of every teens prom. Everyone was talking of going to the after party when Henery declined and said he had special plans and wiggled his eyebrows. Lilly wasnt too disjointed as she couldnt drink with the hormones she was taking and being around drunk highschoolers when you arent also drunk is no fun. She was however not to sure how these this special plan was Henry was talking about. Once they were all dropped off at a very loud and bright house Lilly asked her date about it. He smiled “It was more of an excuse not to go to their lame party sense we cant drink and I don’t want them to know i cant.” He laughed and she was confused. She quirked an eyebrow at him but he didn't answer. “Come back to my place? Were we can get out of these cloths and get to know each other a little better?” His voice was unexpectedly low and full of suggestion that made her blush “Get to know eachother? she asked with a lot more skepticism then she actually had. She wanted to get to know him in what ever way he was implying.  “Well sure, I don’t think we ever spoke one on one before today. We have lots to talk about.” Lilly sighed in a way that sounded like relief but she was hoping for a more explicit answer “Alright then lets go” she texted sam that she probably woundnt text until morning and that she was fine as the car started off. Sam replied with a winky face.  When Lilly looked up Henry was staring at her and she blushed. He had sat across from her again and she wondered why. “How far do you live” she asked trying to fill the quiet. “Not far, a couple minutes. My parents are home but they dont mind me bring friends over.” He assured her. For the first time she had the good sense to wonder how he knew where she lived and she asked “One of the  girls you had over to study told me.” he laughed like there was some joke behind it.  Lilly wasn’t amused “Why is that so funny?” “She didn't believe I would get you to come is all. And she said your mom acted like a teenager. She was was right about one of those things”  Lilly got the joke knowing that her mother’s eccentricity was some what of joke on it’s own despite how much all her friends adored her mother. “Still rude of her to just give out my address.”  He chuckled again “I told her i was just going to show up and sweep you off your feet. Then she warned me about your mom and said good luck. She said you needed to go on a date and that it would be good for you. Then I saw you in the hall and realized it would he hard to convince you like that in front of your family” Lilly blushed “So you are really okay with?” She looked down and then back at him. His response was to get and half crawl across the seat and straddle her lap. She squeaked at the suddenness of his actions. he placed her hands on her cheeks and looked into her eyes. “Very okay” he said before kissing her and as he did so he ground his pelvis into hers. For a minute she was too blown away by the sensation, the feel of the kiss, the friction between her legs, to notice something was rather odd. There was no bulge to rub against her own. When she did realize what wasn’t there she gasped through the rather passionate kiss and he chuckled at her realization and pulled away and copied her words “So are you really okay with” And he looked down, not just at him self but them together, the wrong parts in the right places. She nodded, rolling her hips up in a way that made him growl lightly. She laughed and realized that for the first there was something far sweeter than a lolly pop she wanted to taste. 

[deadmantalking117]

SCREAMING IN TO THE ABYSS

So... I go on to Facebook... I read the most astonishing string of fake news imaginable. You know the crap that your crazy uncle sends you.. the stuff everyone knows is made up..except the poor sucker who sent it. There's plenty on both sides of the debate who make up total lies.. then has it repeated by the base. Hell... it worked wonders for Hitler! But now it's gotten raised to an art form. My biggest failed prediction for the future was.. I believed that the internet would make everyone smarter.. we'd all have total access to to sum of all human knowledge. I was unprepared for the inertia of stupid. I'm a total history buff.. got lots of time to read when you're always in hospital beds and waiting rooms.. believe it... you dont wanna go to any appointment without something to read. I read.. probably 6 to 8 hours a day.. I got the time. My poor little body is broken.. but God gave me a top shelf brain ! I know how vain that sounds.. but it's true.. I'm the Tyrion Lanister of Arizona.. I take lot's of drugs.. and I know stuff. I'm Stephen Hawkings mini me.. he's a genius with a completely broken body.. I'm a smart guy with a busted up body.. he's my idol.. I love his books. I figured if he can write.. I can do it too! So here we go... It's become Us vs. Them... sometimes even You vs. Me.. I hate that we've become that. I want to help. I think I can separate the wheat from chaff here.. show you how we're different.. and why you're wrong and we're right ! It'll be great! And at the end of this.. there's going to be a test ! And spoiler alert.. I'm mostly a fiscal conservative.. a republican.. before now.. but I digress. We want: everyone to have the exact same rights... thats totally and undisputedly fair. How can anyone disagree? I want for me.. the exact same rights as you. We want you to have every right there is. We want you to live your life the way you see fit. We want you to believe in any God you want. Or none at all. Your choice. You want: special treatment. There are many people who need special conciderations.. I'm one of them. It's why we have handicapped parking and hadicapped bathroom stalls. But you want to lord your beliefs over society. You don't like something that someone else does.. they must be shunned from society. You want everyone to believe exactly what you believe.. or you want to hurt us if we don't. You can't force someone to believe what you say... especially when every one of you says some radically different shit. You claim to be put down while you work overtime to squash other people who aren't you. Dont even get me started on bathroom use.. if you're that obsessed with who's in the bathroom.. go home.. I bet you didn't know that in some grown up countries that they have unisex bathrooms. Grow the fuck up. Not everything has to revolve around YOUR sex fantasies... I gotta shit ! In public.. I hate that. And oh yeah.. go on YouTube and search the phrase " antigay republicans caught being gay" it's endless... and hilarious! What's up with that? You're gay.. why are you so afraid of it? It's how God made you.. come over to our side. We want everyone. One caveat.. people who don't want to bake gay cakes and other businesses that don't want to hire minorities or gays. I'm fine with you. Green is the only color that matters.. and it's getting harder to have a profitable business. If you think you can stay in business by alienating your customer base.. well good luck ! But with our access to information that we all have.. your business is doomed.. so again.. I'm good with you. Best of luck in your endeavours but we'll be spending our money over here. Round 1. Equal rights. We're better than you. Next round. We want : everyone to have access to open and free.. top shelf medical care. Every little booboo gets taken care of free... think about it... your crazy uncle can get free psychiatric help! You wont have to try to google "dick rash" and pray for the right diagnosis. And veterans !? Who doesn't love our veterans!? We loves us some veterans. Why do they have to jump through more hoops than my old diseased ass.. THEY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG ! They did everything right... and yet they die off all the time... because you don't care. Why can't they have complete access to top shelf medical care.. for free ! We all could, easily. You say healthcare is a difficult task. Well most of the rest of the has it working like a well oiled machine. Copy off the smart kids. This is America. We are ok with that. You want: poor people to die.. sick people to die... anyone who isn't you, basically... die. Some of you have the balls to call yourselves "Christian or religious or spiritual types" then do the exact opposite. You are the worst kind of hypocrite. I have read the bible... cover to cover.. you seriously misunderstand it.. it doesn't say fuck your neighbor over for money.. it says love thy neighbor.. take care of each other. Why don't you want that? You're making Jesus cry. Round 2 ... free universal healthcare for everyone... and much more.. I know you don't understand it... but you really want what most of europe already has. It's amazing! We're right again ! Universal governmental controlled healthcare is proven far better and cheaper than our system. If you're a republican for example.. this is fiscally conservative.. it's what you want ! We want it.. you want it.. we all win So. We win again. 2 to 0. Next topic We want: Guns baby! This is America motherfuckers! GUNS ! Hell yeah ! I love my gun... and I'm REALLY good with it. Just saying... but howabouts we dont let psychopaths have them. You use the analogy that cars kill more than guns. So we agree.. lets treat guns just like cars! They're both inanimate objects. People kill people.. all that. But to have one you have to pass a test.. like with a car. Then every gun has to be insured.. like with every car. So simple. So we all agree there.. we treat guns like cars... but make their humans financially responsible... insurance companies should go crazy trying to get this law passed.. it's a friggin gold mine untapped! They did it wirh cars.. and no one can say you don't have the absolute right to have a car either ! Lots of cars! Any one you want ! Capitalism works! We like capitalism! You want: Guns baby! Cuz this is America and we heart guns! I scream, you scream, we all scream from gun shot wounds! Fuck yeah! GUNS! But can't there be SOME places where we don't allow them..? I know you're afraid of everything. But your Rambo sex dreams aside.. it'll only get you in trouble. Statistically you're far more likely to be shot by your own gun.. than ever use it defending yourself. That just a pesky fact. You vote for millionaires who want you dead so that "they" can't take your precious guns that "they" don't give a shit about! Keep the damned thing.. just don't play with it in public... like your tiny penis. I know you're afraid and I feel for you. But lets start with say.. bars. Stupid, drunk and armed is a terrible way to go through life. Keep your fucking guns.. just remember.. you only have 2 hands! That's all the guns you could possibly shoot. Why do you want so many? Quit being a psycho ! Pick 2 good ones.. in case shit happens..you know what I mean! I'll be generous.. give you the win on this one... cuz hell yeah! Guns baby! And we're America.. so.. yeah! 2 to 1 .. We're winning ! One more round! We want: peace. You live your life.. I live mine.. if by chance we meet.. it's a new experience. All that hippy shit. What happened to the peace movement? When I was a kid.. hippies we're the thing.. I lived in upstate New York during woodstock.. I knew all about hippies.. wanted to be one.. cuz they had hot naked chicks! And way better tunes. I was like 9. Instead my very own baby boomer hippie generation almost in a single generation have devastated the planet. My generation has strip mined the planet of it resources like none before it. We want those resources to be better managed for the benefit of everybody. You don't get 99 percent of everything and we get the crumbs. There will always be people who get more.. I'm good with that. But your ass has enough. And you hypocritical religious types I mentioned? The Bible says we are the stewards of this planet.. we're large and in charge.. word of God.. read it! If you don't believe in climate change.. you are failing God! He told you to take care of his place.. not treat it like a roadies hotel room. You are seriously pissing off Jesus... I know that Jesus loves me.. I recycle! And lastly we want ... peace. We're tired of your bullshit. Your racism.. religious intolerance.. bigotry... misogyny... lying, thieving, asses aren't going to be tolerated forever. This is America. You want: everything your way. Those of us who are sick.. or poor.. or gay.. or brown.. or black, yellow,white,red,blue, and even some orange ones (wink wink) we know we're all in this together. You hoard 99 percent of the worlds riches.. and keep trying for more...ever heard the expression "EAT THE RICH" another one of those hippy sayings. I think it'll make a big comeback real soon. You don't get to sit on mountains of treasure.. like Smaug the fucking dragon! While the rest of us suffer and die? Why would you even want that? You have more than everything.. don't you wanna use it for good? You can make baby Jesus smile!You'll still be filthy rich! It goes back to my 2 guns theory.. you still only got 2 fucking hands! Have you no decency sir? ( another phrase from the past that's gonna comeback soon.. just my prediction) you are bigots... you are religious fanatics of every stripe. You claim to be Godly.. then commit atrocities against you're own God to prove that you're Godly. Again.. I've read the bible cover to cover.. and even some others like the Koran...I still do study religions... all of them..none of them say you get a licence to tell us how to live the way we want. You want live with your beliefs.. do that. Be like the Amish.. they are actually Godly. They're not interested in what you do. We want to live peacefully among all cultures and ethnicities and beliefs. Infinite Diversity In Infinite Combinations.. (we're also usually Star Trek nerds) "Judge not" "do unto others as you would have done to you" We want the golden rule. You want to rain down judgements on everyone who crosses your path. You want to claim the earth is flat and that the greatest achievements in mankind are faked or meaningless. You deny scientific provable facts because of your beliefs. Go ahead with that... but you really don't get to run shit.. except you mouth. You get that right.. we are America..we have free speech . U.S.A. ! U.S.A.! We believe that we should probably make the big decisions for the next... ever. You go play with your tin foil hat over there.. next to crazy uncle.. and church lady. Well let you know if we need you. You want to be apart from darkies and fags... be apart. The Amish do it up right. Go live somewhere else. Anywhere they'll put up with you.. but that ain't going to be here. We're America... literally every single human here came from somewhere else. This land is our land.. this land ain't your land. We are all immigrants here.. my 13th great grandfather came here before 1700.. long before there was an America. No shit. Found out on a genealogy site. My fathers,fathers,father, etc 13 times back. I win.. my family has been here waaay longer than yours. I love immigrants... we need them. You are afraid of them... I get it. They are scary.. all brown and such. And weird accents. Scary. And whats up with the scary languages? It's like foreigners have a different word for EVERYTHING! But you're statistically way more likely to be killed by a loved one... so you should focus more on being afraid at home... keep your guns there. In case shit happens.. you know what I mean. So here we are.. We're up 3 to 1 in the rules of our society.. We're right.. you are wrong. We have science, you have religious fanaticism. We're better. We're smart and educated.. you believe only what want.. for no apparent reason. I keep asking why.. you never seem to have an answer. Why do you persist in believing things that are provably and proven to be false ? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? So here is the test... are you one of Us.. or are you one of "them" .. come over to our side.. we got cookies! And Jesus and Buddha and Mohammed.. and crocodiles! It's better on our team is all I'm saying. I'm a dead man talking... And I can solve any problem...just ask me how!