#i may not believe in god but i get very good grades . in that class.

[danielleargentino]

the willing victim of a cannibal

[y13evie]

lust for life

professor john price x student reader

tags: teacher x student, very obvious age gap, i’m in love with older men like genuinely i have an issue, yearning a little bit, smut ofc

you knew it was wrong. your friends scolded you for feeling that way towards your, much older professor. but the heart wants what it wants, right? he’d praise your work, calling you “such a smart girl”, it drove you crazy. but of course he wouldn’t feel the same way back. it’s unprofessional and downright wrong. but the way he was grabbing your hips and forcing you back down onto his cock, praises falling from his lips as he reaches his high. it was too much, the way he called your name out like a chant.

“any questions before i let you all go?”

you snapped out of your very lucid daydream. looking around to see your classmates slowly exiting the lecture. you looked down at your notes to see that the only thing you’ve written down is a few lousy notes. sighing, you scold yourself for not paying attention. you’re gonna have to stay after class again, but you weren’t complaining. you made your way over to your professors desk as the last student shut the door.

“i’m really sorry mr. price. h-honestly i wasn’t really paying attention today. you might have to go over a few topics with me again. i apologize.” this wasn’t usually like you. you had the highest grade in your class and was always doing superb in all of your assignments.

“hey, it’s alright. you’re a very good girl. i know you didn’t have any bad intentions today”. he stood up from his chair, allowing him to slightly tower over you. he walks to where your back is nearly touching his chest, “here. give me this, let’s see what you have down”. you became self aware of every breath you took, praying to anyone out there that he couldn’t see you almost trembling.

to break the tension, you step forward and turn towards him. the way you looked up at him, batting your eyelashes. god, it made him melt. the way you yearn for his praise. he knows how you feel about him. he’d be lying if he said he didn’t notice the way your gaze lingered just a little longer than everyone else’s, biting the tip of your pen to try and get rid of all those disgusting thoughts.

price walks back over to his desk and takes a seat back on his chair, letting a gruff groan as he sits back fully.

“so, what’s been on your brain that’s got you all distracted?”. he tilted his head, waiting to see what lie you’ll conjure up.

“i mean- it’s really nothing. just school being busy. got plenty of work to get done, the usual.”. you failed to make eye contact. noted.

“you only have two classes. i know you don’t have that much work.” his voice is stern now. and your stomach is turning at the fact he’s caught you in your lie. “so look at me, and tell me what’s on your mind”.

you swallow hard. cringing at the fact that he may know exactly where your mind wonders each class. you decide to give in, kind of.

“it’s silly. i have a boy on my mind.” hoping that he’ll believe your lie. he scoffs and beckons you to come closer, patting his lap once you’re close enough. you look at him, confused. spending too much time thinking about the secret meaning of his actions, you’re caught off guard by the fact he snatched your hips and sits you onto his lap. you weakly try to wiggle your way out of his strong grasp, but it’s no use.

“maybe you aren’t such a smart girl. lying to your professor like that as if i don’t know.” his grip on your hips is suffocating. your body starts to subconsciously grind on his body due to the overwhelming heat forming between your legs. you know it’s wrong but god it feels so right.

price grabs your chin and begins kissing you. what was soft, gentle kisses grew to become an intense make out session. the sounds of your sloppy kisses to the feeling of your clit rubbing against his bulge every time you rock forward again, it was all becoming too much. you were babbling nonsense and pleading for more.

“becoming all fucked out just by grinding on me a little? that’s pathetic, honey.”. although his words are harsh, he picks you up and flips you onto his desk. your face is pushed into a bunch of useless paperwork as he slides down your pants, using a thumb to tease your puffy clit as he takes off your panties next. he uses the pad of the same thumb to collect the slick from your pussy, using it to wet his throbbing cock.

you cry out as he pushes his full length in without a warning. your hand flies to your mouth to prevent any more sounds from spilling out.

“thaaattts it baby, shut your pretty mouth up. y’know how much trouble we’d get in. if they saw me fuckin a pretty little girl like you.”. you clenched around him at the thought of it. getting caught face down ass up with your professor who’s slightly older than your father.

his hips smacked against yours faster now, bruising your walls so bad you don’t know if you’ll be able to walk out of the room. you feel yourself slipping away into ecstasy, barely able to keep your head up. you know price is getting close by the way he’s growling so deeply into your ear. his thrusts become animalistic as he urges you to reach your high with him. both of your cum getting mixed together as he sloppily grinds against you a few more times to ride out his orgasm.

you pant heavily as he pulls out. leaving a soft kiss on your shoulder before redressing himself. you do the same, pulling up your underwear and pants. your mind is racing, wondering what the hell just happened. his scent floods your senses as he helps you steady yourself back onto your feet.

but for some odd reason, you’re still incredibly worried about missing out on notes. hesitantly, you ask “do you think i could stay afterwards tomorrow too, sir? i really need those notes”. he smiles softly at the fact that you’re still academically driven even after your daydreams just came true.

“of course. you know where to find me, sweetheart.”

[arieswritez]

golden boy

golden boy | yandere stepbrother!mark grayson x afab!reader

cw; DARK CONTENT!!! MDNI!! pseudo-incest, panty thief!mark, roofies, victim blaming, non-con video taping, voyeurism, rape, reader's anatomy is sexualized, forced breeding, time skip (mark is an adult & nolan never killed the guardians), mark is a sicko you've been warned

about; life was easier when mark was an only child. he wishes it would've stayed that way. (1.9k words)

a/n; an anon asked about a platonic yan sibling duo so i raise you: big pervy step bro who hates your guts but also wants to rearrange them

step brother mark who's used to being the light and joy of the grayson home. as the only child, he's spoiled beyond belief. he's spunky and cute and the graysons love him to death, constantly showering him with love and adoration.

step brother mark who gets a new sibling after villains make you an orphan. nolan finds you in the ruins and it's like he's on auto-pilot: carrying you to that secret hospital and handing you off to the doctors that rush to his aid. . but not before your tiny fist closes in his suit.

as he watches you being taken away, barely alive, something inside his chest pangs.

debbie notices nolan acting strange. he's restless and he's late for dinner, more so than usual. something's very clearly wrong. and it's not like her to grow suspicious of nolan but she does.

nolan's never given her a reason to believe his head may have been turned but for some reason, she starts to believe there might be someone else.

only to find he's been visiting you at the hospital, staying at your bedside for hours on end as you recover. you're in bad shape. doctors aren't sure how you survived. . if you even will. debbie's never seen nolan so torn over a survivor before. he's seen many things: deaths, disasters, you name it. yet, you're who's causing the sleepless nights.

of course, debbie has a kind heart and, soon, it's not just nolan who's worried. the graysons keep tabs on you. and when you come to, they’re the first thing you see.

you look confused, scared, but as nolan soothes you, you offer a meek smile and nolan finds himself feeling that same giddiness he felt when he first saw a tiny mark cradled in debbie's arms.

the graysons become your legal guardians and, suddenly, mark isn't the golden boy anymore.

you take up so much of their attention. now, christmases and birthdays all revolve around you. suddenly, marks good grades and the fact he hit a home run isn't all that impressive. mark's late for his baseball practice and games more times than he can count. . yet they never miss your dance recitals.

you got an A in an absurdly easy class and that was a cause for celebration. in the meantime, mark won a spelling bee & all he got was a 'good job'.

they treat you like you're made of glass, like you'll shatter into a million tiny pieces the second someone so much as looks at you the wrong way. mark still remembers being reprimanded whenever he said the smallest things to you. he doesn't think he's ever lived down that one orphanage joke that made you bawl. god, he was just kidding. . its not his fault you're sensitive.

soon, you're calling his parents 'mom and dad'. and worse of all, they reiterate the fact that you should be calling mark your 'big brother'.

fucking fantastic.

you are everything to them while mark is pushed aside. and it only worsens the older the two of you get. mark gets his powers - there's literally nothing more impressive than that - yet he still has to do a million and one things in order to outshine you. nothing ever works. and despite the fact that mark is - quite literally - saving lives. . your stupid birthday is still more important.

you are the light of their lives and mark bitterly remembers when they used to look at him that way, too.

you are perfect in their eyes. just like he once was.

and mark wishes you would've died in that accident, just like your parent(s).

as you start to develop a sense of self, mark gets into the habit of stealing your clothes. it's the only thing you seem to care about: the way you present yourself to the world.

they're small things at first. like a single shoe when his parents had bought you new ones yet refused to get him the ones he wanted. he'll admit it, it was petty and spiteful. but you were distressed and the graysons seemed upset you'd already misplaced your brand new - expensive - shoes.

at first, he was content with telling himself that what he was doing was solely to spite you. but that was a lie. when his kleptomania made him steal one of your shirts. . it wasn't spite that made him press the material to his nose and pump his cock until he came. no, it wasn't just spite.

all your simpering and whining, following him around like some lost puppy, that one time you asked him why he hated you so much. . it made him feel more than just hate.

he didn't know what to do with you then.

so, at first, he settled with stealing your clothes.

a couple more shirts.

a pair of shorts.

knee-highs or your favorite tights.

and finally, a pair of panties.

his favorite are a lacy pair. sheer and tiny, he recalls lifting them out of your drawer with a finger. . and thinking, seriously? what're these even meant to cover?

he's extremely sure you aren't supposed to have these~

mark is content with secretly stealing your things. he doesn't get in trouble for being mean to you anymore.

you don't think he hates you.

it's a win-win situation, really.

and mark would've been happy - he would've been fine - with the little game he's been playing. soon, the two of you would part ways for college and he'd forget all about you.

he'd forget the way you'd foolishly walk to your room in only a towel when you knew the two of you were home alone.

he'd forget the way you looked when you changed out of clothing, you never truly believed in fully closing the door, did you?

he'd forget the way your moans sounded, when you touched yourself at night, thinking everyone else was asleep. he'd forget the way he'd concentrate on hearing your pretty sounds - and it's not like he'd have to try hard, another perk of having powers.

he'd forget about how he could almost envision you: humping your fingers and biting at your lip, desperately trying to get yourself off. it was like he was in the room with you. . you were so wet he could hear the wet clicks of your cunt.

he'd forget all about you.

you, you, you.

he was sure of it.

but if it's one thing about you is that you could never just let things be.

you could never just let the graysons be a normal, happy family.

and you could never just let mark forget about you.

because the first time his parents say no to you - the very first fucking time - you don't listen.

you're just not used to it.

that stupid party you weren't supposed to go to.

that stupid party mark sneaks off to, too.

and when you see him there, you're surprised.

he pretends to be, too.

because it's not fair if only one of you was forbidden to go. no, you had to fuck it up for the both of them.

it's a good thing you're so spoiled, though. and it's even better that mark eavesdropped on the conversation you had with your friend, the one in which you planned to sneak out.

you're so fucking naive. so stupid.

you think the two of you are finally getting along when he gets you a drink and whispers, don't worry, i won't tell if you don't. and you laugh and wink at him like you'll keep his secret, drinking from whatever concoction he's prepared for you.

you were too young when your parent(s) passed and the graysons never seemed to sit you down for the talk. . or maybe they did and you were just too stupid to understand why you should never accept an open drink.

it's easy to blame it on you being a lightweight. the way you sway and slur your words, the way you stumble into him, the way your body overheats.

you've had too much to drink. you're not used to it, is all. he'll take care of you, don't you worry, big brother always does.

first, he's got to lay you down, you poor thing.

he doesn't want you to hurt your pretty little head by falling!

so, he lays you down in the empty room of the house as the party continues downstairs. as you fall to the bed in a heap, you swear you can see the throbbing beat of the music, now muffled behind the closed door.

in the dark room, the moonlight leaking through the pale blue blinds look like drunken undulations, wavering like heat shimmers, yet you can't keep your eyes open long enough to ogle at them. your body doesn't feel like your own, but you're not as nervous as you should be.

mark yanks his shirt off over his head - practiced, ready - and stalks over to your semi-limp body that's nearly hanging off the bed.

it's not hard to undress you, considering you're dressed like some cheap slut. and, honestly, if it wasn't mark that night, he's sure it would've been another dude at the party. the way you're such a fucking tease, he doesn't think anyone would be able to keep their hands off of you for long.

so, really, it's only fair your older brother is the one to get his hands on the goods, first. afterall, he was there to watch them grow.

the little camcorder he took from his parents - the old silver one they used to record all their trips around the world, mark's first steps, your first birthday with them - blinks red, on and off, on and off, as he strips you. he makes sure to capture your body: your bare tits as your chest rises and falls with each panicked breath, the smooth skin of your tummy, then down, between your legs, as he records your sopping cunt taking his fingers.

you mewl and your vision's swimming. and you feel here, there, everywhere, and it's so, so confusing.

you don't know what's happening and it's distressing because you know something is.

your hands weakly try to push at the foreign body on top of you. . inside of you. . but mark is stronger than anyone will ever be and you are far too drugged to do anything about it.

they're gonna be so mad, mark thinks, as he slides into you and tries to keep the camera recording the way your cunt grips him as he feeds his cock inside of you.

they'll be so mad when they find out you've snuck out.

and maybe you'll tell them. . you think something happened. . someone did something to you. . when you try to wash his cum out of your pussy.

maybe you won't. maybe you shouldn't. they'll already be mad at you, best keep quiet about it~

but the graysons will feel even worse in the next few months. . when you start puking your guts out.

and like the perfect parents they are, they'll take you to a doctor. . only for the results to come back positive.

mark may not be a golden boy, anymore.

but in nine months, maybe you'll give him one, instead 💗

[devildomwriter]

Obey Me As Tumblr #25

Satan: What are some good cities?

Solomon: Owl

Satan: Too many fireflies, infested

•

Mammon: Scary how fast someone can mean so much to you

Leviathan: Scary how fast you can mean nothing to someone

MC: Scary how fast I switched my car insurance to geico

•

Leviathan: Dead leafs? That’s card yard salad now, and it’s the new food trend

Raphael: Leaves*

Leviathan: Where are you going?

•

Mammon: I got some many love in my souls

Luke: Why do you have more than one soul?

Mammon: Irrelevant

•

Diavolo: Assert your dominance by calling your friends by their student ID number

•

Simeon: Homework? Decent grades? The Bible said Adam and Eve not Adam and achieve

Belphegor: I almost spit everywhere

•

Leviathan: Fanfic titles be “we have not touched the stars (nor are we forgiven)” and then you look at the tags and the first one is “anal fisting”

Satan: I choked

•

Mammon: I can’t believe clowns are real what the fuck…

Belphegor: DID YOU JUST DISCOVER MIRRORS?

Mammon: SHUT UP!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

•

Beelzebub: You ever get a bus driver that drives like they’re running from god

Solomon: You’re really complaining about the discount roller coaster?

•

Beelzebub: Due to plaque build up, human arteries are sometimes crunchy. Also, the arteries themselves are made up of a smooth, elastic (possibly gummy?) type of tissue. Therefore I imagine that eating a diseased human artery would be a similarly experience, texture-wise, to slurping one of THESE babies

*picture of a nerds rope*

Raphael: May the only thing that dampens the flames of hell for you be God spitting in your face

•

Leviathan: So, do seahorses read fpreg?

Lucifer: Seahorses are illiterate. A quality I wish I had so I didn’t have to read this post

•

Mammon: Laying an egg hard and loud

Solomon: Will the person who tagged this “Stephen Colbert” please approach the bench

•

Satan: Someone in my younger siblings class said they were “yandere for them” and my sibling responded “first of all cringe, second of all red flag” and no phrase has entered my daily lexicon so fast

•

Mammon: I go to Home Depot

Beelzebub: I eat the tools

Satan: Stop it

Belphegor: Crumch

•

Mammon: There’s no crime in being a thief

Lucifer: What a thief does is steal someone’s property without their permission, which is a crime

Asmodeus: Not when I do it. I’ll steal your heart and you wouldn’t mind

Solomon: …

Satan: That was very smooth

Leviathan: I’m gonna steal both your organs and money

•

Diavolo: What do teens like?!? Is it memes? Memes about skeletons? Piss? Communism?

Solomon: This post is 20x funnier if you imagine a CEO shouting it at his board of directors

Last • Next

[emmedoesntdomath]

Getting into the well known ones that I just wanna know what you think about them

Davey🥰

I did les earlier so I feel like it’s fitting to end today with davey

david jacobs. what an enigma. the middle child of esther and mayer jacobs, brother to sarah and leshem jacobs. he’s a hot mess and a half shoved into someone who looks like they have their shit together, and his anxiety has anxiety. he isn’t the mom friend, but he is the friend who will come to bail you out of jail at 3AM.

he was named after david, who is an important religious figure in all abrahamic religions (sarah’s named after a spiritual woman also named sarah. les’ name isn’t found in the torah, but it means precious gem in hebrew).

when he first realized he was gay, he had the biggest religious crisis. by the time he met jack, he had already swung back and forth from devout religious to atheist TWICE. (he did eventually settle on believing that there was a god, and praying a little bit, but not to the point that he had been previously)

one time, a girl at synagogue told him that he looked nice when he wore blue. it didn’t really occur to him that she was probably trying to flirt with him, but he did learn to wear blue whenever he was trying to impress someone (hint. entire second act of livesies. one francis sullivan never looking away from him.)

he and kath pretend to be in a relationship sometimes. it’s kind of shocking at how well they make it work.

he skipped a grade in school, and so he’s directly behind sarah’s class when they’re both in school. she hates it and pretends she doesn’t know him in the most older sister-ly way possible (anyone else talks any crap about her brother, may the lord have mercy on their souls, because no one’s finding their body).

race gave him a very animated shovel talk when he and jack got together. spot turned right around and gave jack one, because “you’re the goddamn reason brooklyn and ‘hattan ain’t soakin’ each otha right now. ‘course imma make sure kelly don’t mess it up”

davey’s really good at impressions. like, ridiculously good. he can mimic ANYONE. when jack and race find this out, all hell breaks loose. (his pulitzer? spot on)

he gives race his old math work so he can study it.

he would either be a poli sci major (because he feels pressure to have a “real” career) or he would become a high school english teacher. no in betweens.

even if he’s not inherently religious, he still keeps kosher.

he hates planes. hates the altitude, hates the pressure, hates having to go through the security. sir is having NONE of it, thanks. he’ll drive.

sarah forced him to be the one to explain to les how babies were made. he has many regrets about that speech (it was the most medical, scientifically accurate thing ever), and they’re both still traumatized.

he doesn’t like getting drunk or high because he doesn’t like the feeling of not being in total control of himself.

(he is definitely a little bit of a control and clean freak, and I love him for it.)

[shanastoryteller]

I posted 1,271 times in 2022

657 posts created (52%)

614 posts reblogged (48%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@zarahuntersstuff

@booksfoodmusic-minion

@bees-n-things

@shanastoryteller

@roanawayspoons

I tagged 1,235 of my posts in 2022

Only 3% of my posts had no tags

#asks - 466 posts

#anon - 357 posts

#prompt answers - 253 posts

#prompts are closed - 253 posts

#progress report - 103 posts

#harry potter - 98 posts

#untamed - 81 posts

#lol - 58 posts

#siat - 43 posts

#art - 38 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#and unfortunately the answer is her fiance fell in love with a nosy and petty girl and then did not tell her his own plans and goals

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i’m sentencing everyone who believes that media consumption is activism to fifty volunteer hours helping the real actual people they’re so busy wringing their hands over

1,868 notes - Posted May 29, 2022

#4

the reason restaurants that are actually fronts are so good is because whoever is stuck in charge of it can make food exactly how they want to without having to worry about cost since their job isn’t to turn a profit. it’s tax evasion 

1,891 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

#3

i want to print out your writing and. eat it

subsumption is the finest form of flattery

2,212 notes - Posted February 10, 2022

#2

when I was very young my mother told me "they're going to try and teach you that we came from monkeys but that's not true and you shouldn't listen to them because we were made from god" and she was my mom and I was like 7, so I pretty much just went "okay, noted, anyway"

anyway like 2 years later evolution comes up in class and one of my classmates goes "is this the we evolved from monkeys thing?"

and I'm on Red Alert. this is what my mom told me about!

the teacher replies, "well, we share a common ancestor, but we didn't evolve directly from apes. if you go back way before apes or people existed, you'll find a different third thing we both came from. we know this because of things like fossils"

and I was like whoo! dodged a bullet there, good thing my 4th grade science class isn't trying to teach us we came from monkeys and instead figured stuff out using fossils and taught us that instead :)

Instructions Unclear, Ended Up Believing In Evolution Anyway

54,205 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

i know kindness exists because i am kind

107,797 notes - Posted January 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[insanefan]

Writer Interview Tag

Thanks for the tag @hydropyro!

I will tag hmmm @gothic-ivory and... whomever else might feel inclined to join in!

Questions and answers below the cut <3

When did you start writing?

I used to write stories in primary school, I know. I believe about 5th grade was when it really started, with my stories about my dogs being superheroes. Grand adventures for these creatures who meant so much to me. Then, in 7th grade, we had a creative writing assignment in English - a gathering of witches! We had lots of prework for it, everyone had to write a 'postcard home', 'what does your character see in the crystal ball', 'what's in their suitcase' and so on and so forth, but then finally we were let loose.

Now, I'm writing this in English too, so one might think "ah well, pretty normal then". But I am not English, now am I xD No, at this point we'd had English lessons for about four years, I believe? The weakest in class wrote a story of about two pages. It was a good effort! But English was hard. I didn't understand it, but I could still appreciate the effort. Now me though... at ten pages my teacher went "you need to stop". I ended up with twelve. That sort of... sets a starting point, I think. That's when I went "ohh. oh I like this."

So I suppose what that means is; I started writing stories in English in 7th grade. 12 yrs old! Starting to be a while. And, uh, I've kept at it since. 90 % of the time in English. I started writing fanfiction also at 12, though a bit later in the year, and since I wanted to talk with people about it, I had to write in the 'shared' language, as it were.

My aunt, currently a journalist but previously an author, laments that I don't write in Norwegian. She claims there's a power in writing your own language. She may well be right. Maybe I'll get to it sometime.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

Well, yes. I am a voracious reader. Always have been. I do mainly enjoy a variety of fantasy and folk genres, but I am also of mind that it's incredibly healthy to broaden your own horizons, so I often get books at the library that the librarians have recommended for one reason or another, even if I would not necessarily have chosen them myself. 8/10 times I enjoy them and learn something new. So I read a lot also in non-fantasy genres, though not a lot of sci-fi.

When it comes to my writing, it's 1) mainly fanfiction these days or 2) RP. The fanfiction I usually write in the universe it's set, though granted that's often one fantasy world or another, while the RP I tend to go looking for more fantasy-esque things. I'm also very much a 'fluff and angst' writer; tragedy and comfort, exploring one's own path to healing and the sharing of affection and warmth between characters is something I write a lot of. Should I branch out and try to tackle deeper themes, other ideas? Maybe. I might, if I get inspired at some point.

It might be it's easier if I try my hand at more original fiction. Food for thought.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Not really? There is always inspiration to be found in reading other things, and there's the concept that 'everything is copied from somewhere' and whatnot, but I really think it's more a case that everything you read, see, hear, experience and learn becomes part of this massive pool of knowledge you have. That you can pull from when you write. And sometimes that means you emulate a specific writing style. But I can't say it's something I am actively trying to, nor have I had my work compared with anything insofar as I'm aware.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

My writing space is wherever I'm sitting comfortably with my laptop accessible. Or a notebook. I do have around 15 notebooks full from cover to cover with writing from my younger days, and they're hilarious to look through, not least because gods beyond have I improved since! But I write much, much faster with a computer.

I had a shitty laptop from I was around 12, but it was at upper secondary that I really started writing on the computer for real; we got our own laptops from school, and I spent... probably too much time writing stories instead of doing my actual schoolwork xD I still have all of those texts! Put them in my dropbox and have carried them around since. I believe I'm up to about 1500 separate documents for different stories now.

Of course, sometimes you can't bring your laptop, and that's when notebooks are good to have again. Or, in worst case, my phone. I do have a note app, I just sincerely dislike writing on the phone with its annoying autocorrection and whatnot.

Also tho, I did recently get a paper tablet (reMarkable) for work which feels like writing on paper and can turn handwritten text into computer text (to some degree; I have shit handwriting) and can regardless save the files so I have them in one place 👀 It's a very expensive notebook but so far I am loving it A Lot.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Lamenting about the lack of one? Honestly, I'm not quite sure. Sometimes I get inspiration out of nowhere, sometimes I struggle. Music can help, sometimes.

What is your reason for writing?

Otherwise I'd never get peace! There's always ideas swirling about in my head of various completion and loudness. If I don't write they take up too much space, not allowing me the space for other things, like, say, my work. I need the ideas out on paper or in a document to trap them there!

Honestly though, I also simply enjoy being able to describe events. Describe things that are happening to the characters, how they're reacting to them, what it does with them. I'm something of an introspective writer, I suppose, I'm very interested in the inner cognitive life of the characters I'm writing, and so it's almost always an exploration because these characters, much like people, are multi-faceted and don't necessarily react as expected.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Hah! If people comment or interact with me regarding my writing, literally anything motivates me. Showing excitement for my excitement becomes excitement^2 you know? So really, even a comment as simple as "I like this character!" will cheer me and motivate me, though of course the moment you start commenting "I liked when character x did this" or "what are your plans for character y?" I will end up in high gear because then it's a conversation.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Do they think about me? Odd thought. I'm always surprised when someone tells me they've thought about me if I'm not present. Which is also an odd thing, isn't it? The idea that you slip your friends' mind if you're not an active presence?

May or may not be a result of bullying in my youth, that one. Gotta work on it.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I suppose perhaps character development? I enjoy multi-faceted characters, so I often try to make mine as 'human' as possible, with all our faults and fantastic abilities. There's nothing I enjoy as much as putting a character in situations and having them realise things about themselves.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

All told it's probably a bit of a mix, but it leans to writing for myself. I've posted some things, both back in the days when fanfiction.net was it and on ao3, but as previously mentioned; 1500 documents. I've posted, what, 15 things on ao3? I write because I want to write and because I can't find what I want to read and thus need to write it myself. If someone else enjoys it too, it makes me happy! But it's no necessity.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I enjoy it! I will reread my own stories on a pretty frequent basis, honestly, because I've written them for me. When people also offer a lil compliment or comment that they like it too, it's incredibly nice, but in the end, yes, I do like my own writing.

Still things to learn, but I can learn them while enjoying it, instead of learning them because of feeling misery.

[brainmaniaman]

That julianXreader fic was absolutely amazing. Please write more JulianXreader fics or headcannons. There is so little of it in the fandom 🥺

Gosh, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I feel similarly. I'm more of a Ricky guy and all I saw was one (very glorious) headcannon post. I've had this idea kind of swimming around in my head for a while but I haven't had anywhere to put it. This one's for you, bud!

Sometimes I think about a world in which Julian actually went to community college. In later seasons, I found myself disappointed with Netflix's continuation. To me, Seasons 1-7 are the only cannon ones. Though... I think my favorite seasons are about seasons 1-4ish. So let's talk about an AU where Julian went to community college

Julian at community college would be great. I think he'd be overwhelmed because he's no longer the smartest guy around. I mean, there's not much competition in the Trailer Park, aside from Bubbles, but I always thought that Julian saw Bubbles more as an equal.

I just know that Julian gets in trouble with campus police for carrying around that fucking rum and coke. They tell him he can't do that but he does it anyways. Eventually, he's just kind of known as that guy that carries around a rum and coke. Julian is nice enough so people just kind of let him do his own thing.

Maybe you meet Julian because you have a group project for Intro to Marketing and Media 101 or some shit like that? Like, the project is doing a commercial for a specific product and you're graded on the effectiveness or the product. It's a simple project you would typically find in a basic community college class.

I will say, Julian probably doesn't like you to begin with. I mean, you're probably smarter than him. Julian is the kind of guy to take people being smarter than him as a personal insult. Plus, he's used to being the smartest guy around. I think he'd be friendly, but he'd probably kind of condescend and try to take control of the entire fucking project.

You had other group members but they couldn't fucking stand Julian taking charge of the fucking project and they got the professor to let them split into another group. If you knew that was possible, you would have too - but now you and Julian are stuck together.

Julian has shit ideas, I'm sorry. They're not fun. He just wants to do a basic info-mmerical but you think that's super lazy. You wanna do something fun and pretend to sell something creative. He hates the idea and just wants an A. He's good at marketing... he's just not good at marketing the typical kind of stuff.

The two of you mostly meet on-campus because you live with your parents (to save money) and he doesn't want to bring you around the park because he's kind of embarrassed. Like yeah he loves his park family but also he'd be horrified if J-Roc asked you to star in an amateur porn film or if you had to talk to Ricky on a day where he was particularly belligerent.

Sexual tension. Sexual tension. Sexual tension. I like to think that Julian has this nasty habit of correcting literally any grammatical mistake you make because he feels like it makes him smart. That shit drives you crazy and god you just want to shake the fuck out of him.

But I don't know, there's just something about Julian you like you can't quite place your finger on.

I kind of like the idea that you have a crazy fucking ex-boyfriend who thinks he's big and bad and follows you around? You didn't tell Julian about it because you didn't believe it was his business, it wasn't like you were even friends

But I think what really brings y'all from just being group partners to being friends is that one day your ex confronts you as you're leaving class and is just straight harassing you. Your ex is a big strong guy, nobody is stepping in to even call campus police and you feel so alone.

You may kind of piss Julian off but he really does like you and respect you, plus he hates seeing a lady getting accosted. He's a criminal but he favors himself to be a gentleman.

Julian confronts your ex and it breaks out into basically a pissing match, toe to toe. I like to think your ex threatens Julian, but Julian is kind of a crazy fuck when you think about it. I mean he did cock the gun Cyrus was holding and put it to his head, so this feels like nothing.

"You think you're a big tough guy picking on a lady, huh? I bet you feel so strong when you make her feel so scared, right? Make you feel real good? Like you're getting revenge. If you're gonna come toe-to-toe with someone, square up with someone you're own size. Come on, hit me. Hit me. I said hit me. That's right, that's what I thought, you're nothing but a fucking punk. Where I come from, we chew posers like you up and spit them out. Next time you come around her, you better think twice."

You're so grateful that Julian stood up for you but also that was kind of hot . . . I think that's where your attraction starts, but you thank him for his help.

The two of you get closer. I mean you two are on the phone fucking 24/7 late at night talking about things that aren't class related. You've got him asking shit like...

"Where are you from? Oh, I've never been there. What's it like?" "Do you know any good food places around campus?" "What's your favorite food?" "Are you a liquor gal or a wine gal?" Bubbles and Ricky definitely take the piss out of him, but he keeps you far away from the park lol.

I mean he comes over to work on the project and your family is home and he unintentionally meets your parents. Your dad isn't too keen on him but your mom is almost obsessed. He's such a nice guy and all of that. It makes him feel guilty because he really doesn't truly consider himself all that nice of a guy.

I just love the idea that he sneaks you into the park at like 2am because he knows everyone is asleep and he doesn't want anyone knowing what he's up to. He sneaks you in and out. Usually you two are extra quiet because Ricky lives in his fucking front yard, but or the most part you two are very hush-hush. He says it's because he wants to be able to work on the project without any distractions which is actually a valid excuse considering how fucking crazy his neighbors are.

Except you two definitely don't work on the project that night.

You're not a big fan of the imbalance, as you feel like you've met all of his family and you've met no-one close to him.

At some point, Ricky catches you sneaking in at the middle of the night.

"What the fuck are you doing? Are you trying to break into Julian's house? Julian! JULIAN! SOMEONE IS TRYING TO BREAK INTO YOUR HOUSE." It's a fuck-fest because Ricky is fucking yelling and screaming.

Julian tries to get Ricky to shut the fuck up but by now, the entire park is out trying to see what the fuck is going on.

"Holy fuck Julian why didn't you tell me you had a girlfriend? She's hot. I would've covered for you if you just would've let me know!"

I like to think that you do get some shit from idiots in the park and some uncomfortable questions, but you grow to really enjoy the people there - even Lahey, who is endearing in his own drunken way.

You end up using all of the people in the park for your little commercial and that shit is so funny. You're probably selling something insane, like tickets to see The Green Bastard or something like that. It's actually a lot of fun and really endearing, though it was a fucking hassle to make.

I don't know, I just love the idea of Julian meeting someone from community college and being fucking happy for once because that man is always fucking miserable

Bonus content: I think Julian's love-language is touch. I like to think he's subtle about it, like placing a hand on your shoulder. He's the kind of guy to hug you the moment the door closes behind you.

Julian doesn't say I love you first because of trauma and stuff, but when you tell him that you love him the dude tries to hide just how fucking ecstatic he is but definitely showers you in affectionate kisses.

I like to think that you move in with him.

Of course, there's drama surrounding his dope operation when you find out that he grows and sells on the side, it actually really upsets you, but this is a happy post and I'll save the angst for later.

Hopefully that kind of gives you a Julian fix. I love story-based AUs because I can give general ideas and people can kind of come up with their own little plot points in between.

[humorisstoredinthetits]

Heathers x I'm In Love With the Villainess

I'm a fan of both properties, and I've noticed that Claire and Heather Chandler are basically the same person, so I've thought of an AU where instead of becoming obsessed with Revolution, Rae/Rei becomes obsessed with Heathers the Musical and Heather Chandler and gets isekai-ed into it

So instead of her friend giving her a copy of Revolution, she gives Rei a link to a slime tutorial of Heathers the Musical, and she similarly becomes obsessed with it, watching it over and over again until she could recite it from memory

And similarly to canon, she ignores the male love interest in JD and obsesses over Heather Chandler

In either universe, Rei still has a type, spoiled bossy rich blonde girls who wear red

She reads Y/N fanfiction about Chandler, and when she runs out of that she starts to write her own

She would watch the musical every night when she got home from work, over and over again

That is until one night when she falls asleep after an exhausting day at work, and wakes up and sees Heather Chandler speaking to her, saying 'This is an excellent forgery, who are you?'

She is super confused until she looks at the mirror next to her and sees that she is not herself, she is Veronica

Chandler gets impatient and asks again

Rei/Veronica panics before quickly deciding on her response

"I'm Veronica Sawyer and I love you!"

All 3 Heathers are completely stunned at her declaration and it takes a minute before they get their wits together

Chandler says she was going to invite her to their clique, but they don't want lesbians and to go back to playing dolls with Martha Dumptruck

Rei thinks about just leaving the bathroom, but a plan was starting to from in her mind and to fulfill the plan she needed to be in the Heathers, so she throws out Veronica's line about permission slips and absence notes and that grabs the Heather's attention

Chandler does agree to let her into the group, but she lets Rei know that if she pulls the lesbian shit again, she'd become a social pariah

Rei says "I'm perfectly okay with that, as long as I get to be around my Chan-Chan"

So over the next two weeks before JD arrives, Rei attempts to get settled into her new life as Veronica

Of course, there are a few problems with that

For one, Heathers the Musical has a very limited canon, especially compared to say, an otome game and as such the amount of information she has access to is also very limited

Like, for example, she doesn't know where Veronica lives or what the name of her parents are

And since Heathers was in 1989, she doesn't have a cell phone to find her house or call her 'parents' to come pick her up and she doesn't know their phone numbers

She has to go find a phone book, find her 'parent's' numbers, and find a phone to call them on to come pick her up

Another issue, Veronica is very intelligent and takes upper level classes like Physics and shit, and Rei is not very good in those subjects, so her grades start to dip and she had to explain it to her 'parents'

But back to her plan, she plans to follow canon up until the point where JD hands her the drain cleaner and right before she gives it to Chandler and 'notice' it before yelling at JD while also saving Chandler's life and making her grateful and hopefully she begins to develop feelings for her

As you may expect, things do not exactly go as planned

Rei flirts with Chandler at every given opportunity, turning her harsh words against her into compliments which only enrage her more

Chandler can't get rid of her though, as (who she believes to be) Veronica's talent for forgery is too convenient to let go, as well as the possibility this could be used against her

Rei learned how to forge handwriting in her old life because she obsessed over any thing that was apart of Heathers, forgery included

Thank god she learned how to do it, because if she didn't then she would have no leverage to stay in the Heathers, which is vital to her plan

If she's not in the Heathers, she can't be kicked out later, and if she isn't kicked out then she has no reason to show up to Chandler's house to apologize then save her

Another problem, Martha knows something is up

She tries to question 'Veronica' about it but she always deflects

Martha keeps quiet, for now, but eventually she says to herself that she'll confront Veronica about it, because the Veronica that came out of the bathroom with the Heathers is not the same Veronica that went into it

Two weeks pass and Rei gets settled into her role as Veronica

She goes to lunch that day and the Heathers goad her into writing the fake note from Ram, which Rae remembers from the show the Heathers don't actually look at

Much to her dismay, they don't get up and start singing Candy Store, which is a shame

So instead of writing what Chandler wants her to, she writes "Martha, the Heathers are trying to trick you, after you finish reading pretend like you've heard the greatest news in the world and you're just so excited that you had to tell me, I promise that I'll explain everything later"

Thankfully like she predicted, the Heathers don't read the note and they hand it to Martha, who reads it and while she is confused, she does as Rei explained and the Heathers are none the wiser

Rei decided to change this because she planned to get kicked out of the Heathers when they discover that Martha didn't show to the party, when she would reveal that she faked the note

While this didn't boost her chances of getting with Chandler in any way, this saves Martha from going through much of the emotional turmoil

JD approaches her and with her knowledge from seeing the show over and over she is able to copy the conversation they had during the musical

JD then starts the fight during lunch

She later meets up with him at 7/11 while he talks about his dead mom and thats when Rei comes to a realization

She's a lesbian, how is she supposed to do the deed with JD

She has to go to JD's house to make sure that he tries to give the drain cleaner to Chandler, but she can't stomach the thought of doing it with a man

That thought stays with her all night because she doesn't have a good answer to it

She goes to the party, avoids drinking or smoking as to not cloud her judgment and loosen her lips so nothing gets revealed prematurely

Eventually Kurt and Ram bring out the pig pinyattah (i'm spelling it like this on purpose) and Chandler tries to get Martha to come hit it, but to her shock Martha is no where to be found

Of course she blames 'Veronica' and Rei confirms that she faked the note and warned Martha about the plan

She then gets kicked out of the Heathers, before vomiting on Chandler's shoes instead of her, the need to vomit coming from stress instead of whatever she drank or smoked

She then leaves the party before freaking out bc holy shit what is she gonna do

She can go to JD's house and just not do it, but that introduces unknown variables, like what if his reaction isn't the same when she comes into his house and they don't immediately do the deed

And again, she doesn't know where his house is, which this lack of knowledge on where people's houses are is becoming a problem, so there's no guarantee that she even finds his house anyway

She decides to screw it and just find JD's house and hope for the best, but while walking around looking for it she passes by Chandler's house (which she knowns where it is bc she's been there before) and sees that her car is in the driveway, meaning that she is home

Rei takes this as a sign and climbs up into Chandler's window

She, of course, freaks out seeing 'Veronica' climb into her room

She tries to apologize and get forgiveness but Chandler just laughs her off, telling her to enjoy her last few hours of freedom before Monday comes around and she's dead meat

At this point Rei is desperate, she doesn't know what else to do besides pull out her secret weapon

**Line break bc tumblr is dumblr**

Her favorite song had always been The Me Inside of Me because she assumed not everything Veronica and JD made up was false so she decided to shout in fake anger "Why are you like is, why do you feel the need to be such a bitch? Do you parents not love you? Is your bitchiness some kind of mask? Just what the hell is your problem?"

She said some more than that, including lines from the song like "looks being just like prison bars"

It hurt Rei to speak to her crush like that but if it worked out like she hoped then it would be amazing

Chandler looks pissed, but quickly drops her scowl and slumps down onto her bed saying "Is it really that obvious?"

From there Chandler begins to vent about her problems, the impossible standards her parents held her to, her need to always be the best so that people have a reason to keep her around and wanting to be in charge so she feels like she has some control over her life

Rei reassures her that she does like her regardless and that if no one else, she wants her around

Chandler says that she's just saying that, but Rei asserts that she does and that she loves her

She questions those feelings, to which Rei confirms they are genuine to which she can only ask why

Rei then goes into this long, fangirly speech about how amazing Chandler is which caused Chandler to blush

Chandler then sighs before telling 'Veronica' that this conversation never happened, but she's back in the Heathers as long as she keeps the secret

Rei agrees gleefully before leaving the house

At this point in her plan, she questions what she's gonna do, before saying 'I don't know, I didn't think I would get this far"

She comes to the conclusion that there are two main goals

She needs to placate JD's homicidal urges, and she needs to keep up her friendship with Chandler, which will hopefully blossom into a relationship

She decides the best way to deal with the former is to introduce JD and Martha so they will have a friend outside of 'Veronica', which works out well, they get along and have someone to spend time with when she's busy with Heather stuff

She also decides to make time to spend with them and talk to them about their problems, during which she hopes to get to the root of why JD wants to kill and put a stop to it

However, she thinks that she's already sort of done that, as during their talks she revealed that she's a lesbian, making dating JD an impossibility

She hopes by doing that, it wont make JD so desperate for her, as he knows that no matter what he does, it wouldn't work out between them, and she knows that their relationship was one of the main factors that led to him wanting to kill

She also makes time for Chandler, pulling her aside sometimes to ask how she's doing

Chandler finds this annoying at first and brushes her off, but eventually she breaks and starts talking to 'Veronica' about her struggles, which Rei always comforts her over

Rei starts to notice a change in Chandler during these times

Chandler has less outbursts where she yells at freshmen over things, she doesn't bully people as much, and she's even nicer to Duke

By giving Chandler another outlet to vent her struggles to, she felt less of a need to let out her struggles in other ways

She still flirts with her whenever the opportunity arises, and sometimes she sees her blush

Eventually one day Chandler asks her to stay behind while the other two head to class, after which she pulls Rei into a bathroom and before she can say anything she pulls her into a long, deep kiss before blushing deeply and running out of the bathroom

Rei pretty much cannot function normally for the rest of the day after that

Of course, something had to ruin it, and surprisingly it wasn't JD

JD had been doing really well, he had two stable friends who were willing to listen to his issues and actually wanted him around and even if he couldn't date 'Veronica', he still appreciated her friendship

Martha was the one who ruined everything

She'd been suspicious ever since Veronica joined the Heathers, her personality seemingly shifted overnight and she went from detesting Chandler to being in love with her, and when she happened to see her and Chandler making out in the bathroom, she felt enraged and betrayed and decided to spread the rumor around school

By lunchtime the whole school knew that Heather Chandler was a lesbian, and Chandler didn't even know until she entered the lunchroom and everyone started laughing at her before Duke explained everything

She fled the room, with Rei in pursuit

When they got to an isolated place Chandler starting bawling, saying that her world was falling apart and that she blamed 'Veronica' for making her fall in love with her

She then told her that she hated her and wanted nothing to do with her

Rei's heart shattered at this point and she sank to her knees while Chandler bolted out the front doors

After crying for a bit her sadness turned to rage

She assumed Duke was the one who saw them, because who else would have been around and had enough social status to be believed

And given what happened after Chandler's death in canon, she was sure it was her

Her hands curled into fists and she marched into the lunchroom and launched herself at Duke, sending the both of them flying across the table

She fucked up Duke pretty badly, broke her nose

She got suspended and her 'parents' had to come pick her up

She got grounded but she ignored them and immediately went to Chandler's

Chandler was sobbing into her pillow when Rei came in through the window again

She cried harder and tried forcing her out but Rei wouldn't leave so eventually she calmed down

Rei told her about what happened between her and Duke to which Chandler said that she got what was coming to her, but she also is gonna make their lives a living hell after that

Rei says something sappy like "I'd go through hell as long as we're together" which makes Chandler giggle a little and then they kiss

Rei tries to tell her that its not gonna be so bad, they'll hang out with Martha and JD and sure it won't be like she's used to but difference isn't always a bad thing

Chandler seems unconvinced but she agrees to at least try

Chandler skips school until Rei's suspension is over because she's too afraid of what's gonna happen

The day comes when Rei returns to school and Chandler is basically hiding behind her

Rei walks into school with her head held high, but its all for naught because people stay away from her and by extension, Chandler, probably because they are too afraid of getting their asses beat like Duke did

At lunchtime they go straight to the loser table with Martha and JD

Everyone has their eyes on them, including Duke, who has a large bandage covering her nose

Martha tries to hold in her disdain for Chandler while JD actually gets along with her

Eventually it gets to be too much and Martha launches into a triade, accusing Chandler of doing something to change Veronica and of bullying her and all sorts of shit

(Martha is sort of in the right here bc Chandler did bully her, but she also outed Chandler and by extension her best friend to the entire school which is also pretty fucked up)

Rei quickly comes to the realization that it wasn't Duke who found them

It was Martha

The only thing that stops her from attacking her like she did with Duke is that she had sympathy for Martha because of everything that happened in canon, while she never really cared for Duke

Rei launches into her own triade, asking Martha just what the hell her problem was

Martha realizes at this point that she fucked up but is still pissed that her best friend, her only friend for literal years took her bully's side over hers

**Line break 2 electric boogaloo I hate word count limits**

Rei argues that yeah, what Chandler did was really fucked up and that she needs to apologize, but that didn't give Martha the right to fuck up Chandler's whole life

She isn't exactly thrilled over Chandler's actions but she's also pissed that Martha outed Chandler, also outing herself, which is when she gets really mad

She starts getting flashbacks to when she got outed in her old life and that only fuels her rage

Martha didn't think it through fully and she begins to apologize but Rei doesn't want to hear it and walks away

Chandler and JD also get up and walk away

JD is in the same boat as 'Veronica', he agrees what Chandler did was shitty but Martha did something that was almost worse

Surprisingly Mac also gets up and follows them, telling them that she's so tired of the popularity bullshit and she just wants her best friend back

Things stay the same for a few weeks

The 4 of them hang out and just try to live and have fun outside of the popularity bullshit

They all kind of feel bad for Martha though, even Rei once she calms down a little and when she comes to their table a few days later to apologize, Chandler surprises everyone by apologizing first

Throughout all of this Rei and Chandler continue dating

They go on dates and don't really have to hide because the news spread around like wildfire, in addition to the news that the tall blue one would beat the crap out of you if said anything

Eventually high school ends and Chandler and Mac take a bunch of their parent's money and they all leave Ohio for good

Rei never ends up telling anyone about her true origins, she decides that coming from the future and an alternate reality would be too much to explain and it provides little to no benefit

I find the idea of Rei being isekai-ed into Heathers interesting bc unlike in canon where all she needed to do was ensure that Claire survived the revolution, something that she could not prevent, in Heathers she would have to prevent JD's murder spree and then figure out how to keep going after that which because of the butterfly effect could have been a number of any different scenarios, while on top of all of that getting together with Chandler

[pragmatic-optimist]

Oversharing on the Internet

Thank you @iboatedhere and @celeritas2997 for tagging me in this game and giving me a reason to procrastinate on the things I have to do before bedtime. 

ONE: Are you named after anyone?

Nope. In fact, I didn’t meet another Sonia until I was at summer camp, the summer after 7th grade. Her birthday was also the day after mine, and 12-year-old me’s mind was blown. 🤯

TWO: When was the last time you cried?

Hmmm, it’s been about 4 days? I listened to a few podcast episodes a friend sent me; one was about grief, and the other was about loneliness. You’re probably thinking, oh well, no wonder. 😆 What moved me to tears in both episodes were the anecdotes about the power of human connection and love in tandem with (what feels like) the rarity of both in the current climate of the world. 

THREE: Do you have kids?

@iboatedhere said it best: god no. 

FOUR: Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Absolutely, it’s my primary coping mechanism. How else would I survive the insanity that is adulting while living in the United States of America? 🙃

FIVE: What sports have you played/do you play?

Hmmm, do mind sports count? 😂 I was on Scholastic Bowl and Academic Decathlon in high school. I am not very athletic and have never been well-coordinated enough for physical sports, though I do enjoy doing cardio group classes these days. 

SIX: What's the first thing you notice about people?

Height, because I like to make eye contact when meeting people for the first time, so it’s a matter of determining if I’m craning my neck up or not lol. The second thing would be their eyes, and the third thing, their voice. 

SEVEN: What's your eye colour?

Brown

EIGHT: Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings 1000%. Real life is scary enough. 

NINE: Any special talents?

I’m the eldest daughter of an immigrant household. IYKYK. 😂

But also, I have this ✨intuition✨ about people–a spidey sense–that never lets me down. I’m also good at anticipating a need before it’s spoken or presented itself. 

TEN: Where were you born?

Gonna go with the obvious, most popular reply: hospital lol

ELEVEN: What are your hobbies?

I like to take walks, beta-read some wonderful fic from time to time (when life isn’t lifin’), buy iced lattes (even in the winter), and visit bookstores for fun because I (allegedly) enjoy reading. However, these days, I am buying books for comfort because they just get added to my emotional support to-be-read pile.

TWELVE: Do you have any pets?

Nope. I would love a dog, but the way my life and work hours are set up, I would feel too guilty leaving the pup home alone so much. 

THIRTEEN: How tall are you?

5'6 

FOURTEEN: Favourite subject in school?

Psychology, English Lit, History, and Women and Gender Studies.

FIFTEEN: Dream job

To use a quote I’ve seen on the internet often: “I do not dream of labor.” 

It’s getting late, and I’m too tired to go on a coherent rant about this, so I’ll just say that I believe the idea of a dream job is a trap of capitalism. 🤷🏽‍♀️

That being said, I do have to fund the responsibilities of adulting, so I look at a job as the means to build a dream life. There are several pieces to what I would consider a “dream” life, and those pieces may change over time because I will continue to evolve as a person, but I know that whenever those pieces lock into place, my life would make me feel peaceful, stable, secure, and joyful. That’s forever the goal (along with the ability to treat myself to iced lattes and books lol). 

--

No pressure tags; I think this has probably made the rounds, but if you’d like to share: 

@sunshinestrand @strandtk @mistmarauder @gregoryeddie @scienter @rmd-writes @orchidscript @first-kanaphan @jddryder @chicgeekgirl89 and anyone else who would like to share (please tag me!)

[inf0dump]

My Creepypasta AU That I Like Too Much ft. A Block of Text

It's been four years. Four goddamn years since I came up with this concept. That concept being re-designing and re-writing the creepypasta stories that I grew up with, i.e., Eyeless Jack, Jeff the Killer, Ticci Toby, etc.

It is just now that I know what to do with it, but I don't know how or where to put it. It's difficult to figure all of this stuff out because I've changed so much of it. I've changed last names, personalities, aesthetics, so a name within the fandom doesn't mean the same thing anymore.

I feel like it doesn't belong on fanfiction websites, but it's not my own thing either. I just really hyper fixated on it for many years, taking bits and pieces of information from the first stories and logging it into my really long fanfiction. To the point where it doesn't feel like fanfiction anymore. Has that ever happened?

I don't want to change the names because I love these re-designed characters with these specific names, and I have a hard time with change. It's in my nature. And I also want to express that I love where it came from (but not who it came from, dear god). I love the place and most of the people that are in this fandom because creepypasta people from the late 2000's, early 2010's, are really cool to me.

And I'm very nervous to share what I've made because of experiences in the past with the things I'm really passionate about, because I will sometimes ask stupid questions. At least I've been told they're stupid questions. But I get really invested in the things I really like, and I want to know everything and interact with other people. I'm so desperate to interact with other people and through the things I enjoy is the only way I know how to.

This may be a lot of infodumping, but that's what I'm good at. And we're just getting started. I feel like I should take this blog in the direction of information spilling and infodumping. I changed my name to that and infodumping is practically my love language. I do it to my girlfriend and my family, and if I were to have a group of friends I would also do it to them if they would let me.

ANYWAY, this is about a completely different thing, you're probably not reading this to hear about my social struggles as an autistic (but I will happily infodump about any questions anyone has because autism is a hyper fixation as well), so let's move onto the creepypasta AU stuff, or the title: The Abyss.

The Abyss is a mix of genres. There's a horror aspect, there's comedy (or at least, what I think is funny), there's drama, there's young adult aspects, mature aspects, some romance, there's probably more. It started as an idea for a comic series, and then I realized, I can only draw people and animals. I can't draw backgrounds or architecture. Honestly, I can barely draw a full-bodied person. I've been drawing for a long time, and it's always been living things, so the comic idea was, WOOSH, out the window.

Then I realized that I have been writing fanfiction for seven years and have been told that I'm talented as a writer. Not much of a reader, but I was in grade school, and then I discovered Wattpad in fifth-sixth grade. I write a whole bunch. I wrote a twenty-something page first chapter for a Five Nights at Freddy's universe that I published on AO3, then a month or so later, deleted it because I believed I could do better.

I'm able to write non-fiction pretty effectively, especially when it's topics I enjoy. I wrote a high school essay in my sophomore year about villain archetypes in books and movies and which one was the most realistic to reality. I don't remember the conclusion. I finished the essay a week before it was to be submitted and so I had nothing to do in my English class except twiddle my thumbs.

For this creepypasta AU project in particular, those four years was spent doing various research on race, ethnicity, culture, disabilities, religion, mental health, demonology, and other subjects that would help to make this world and these characters more believable and representative of the world that we live in. Representation is an important factor to me.

I've had multiple experiences with wanting to see my own type of person in what I love, and I know that other people would want to see that too. Especially in creepypasta. A lot of creepypasta is white anime boys.

I was diagnosed with severe Tourette's Syndrome (TS) last year after suffering for a year a with saying things that I didn't mean, or doing things that I couldn't control, and it affected my mental health severely. I couldn't get out of bed and when you act like that, people laugh at you. Sure, it can be funny, some of the things I say or do, but there's a level of anxiety that unrealistically high. Especially when it comes to that Tourettic OCD side of things. When it tells me "You're going to say this" and I have to fight in order to keep words or movements down.

I confided myself in a re-design of Toby. Toby is the problematic Tourettic representation that I had at that point in time. And I hated that. It wasn't problematic for me in the sense that he would swear, or he would do something taboo in front of people. He was problematic for me in the sense that what he had wasn't Tourette's. It was speech impediment. At least, that's how I remember it, correct me if I'm wrong.

If you are a person, you want to be recognized as a person. There are people that are social anxious to the point that they don't want to be perceived, but you still need to treat them with respect. I've always been taught that people will respect you if you respect them. That's not always true, but it's a positive way to live. To think, 'I'm going to respect this person in whatever form their respect looks like.' That could be respecting their religion, their culture, their gender, their sexuality, their form of expression.

Some people may be wrong in the way that they want respect. They could hurt people; they do not respect another person or a group of people. But they deserve respect because they are a human being. If they aren't going to get respect from you, they will get respect from others, that's how it works. If you don't like a politician, don't respect them in the slightest, they are still going to get respect from other people. That's what I mean. You don't have to respect everyone; it is up to you and up to other people who deserves approval.

You don't have to like anyone. For example, the creator of Ticci Toby, Kastoway, does not have my respect. That is my opinion. They don't deserve my respect and support.

That's part of the reason that I re-designed and re-wrote in the first place. I don't like Kastoway. Toby was the first character that I re-designed. I designed him to be my own representation, and then he took over.

Toby has been renamed to: Tobias (Toby) Goldberg (It feels a little strange publishing that name for other people that's not my girlfriend to see). Toby is my personal favorite. Toby is fifteen (15) when the story starts, he has severe Tourette's Syndrome, severe ADHD, OCD, and is autistic. He's the type of autistic that really likes cats and everything to do with cats. Toby is also high-risk to be a pyromaniac, which is an impulse disorder, and he can't be formally diagnosed yet because he's not eighteen (18) years old.

Toby is incredibly tiny for his age (4'9) because of pregnancy complications, underweight because of medication, and he's Jewish-Italian-American. He lives in the Bronx borough of New York City, has a very thick Bronx accent, a mess of freckles, his Italian grandfather thick, too big to fit his face, tortoiseshell-colored glasses, and very thick, curly, shoulder-length red hair that kind of looks like a wolf-cut, but it sticks out all over the place.

I feel like I shouldn't spoil his backstory, but it's very sad and very triggering. Speaking of triggers, there's a whole lot in here because characters need to suffer, but you shouldn't. Take care of your mental health. Mental health is extremely important.

If anyone has any specific triggers I should now about, let me know. This story is both realistic horror and fantastical horror, which basically means there's the fun horror (fantastical horror) and the devastating horror (realistic horror).

If there's any questions about specific characters, or the question 'what atrocities have you done to my favorite character?' comes up, don't worry, just ask me. And if it's a character that I have never heard of, I will do research on the character and maybe your favorite will make an appearance.

Toby's and Cody's (X-Virus) re-designs are maybe the favorites that I have. But now, we move onto the plot of this whole thing. If you've been waiting for the plot, thank you for sticking around!

The plot of The Abyss is very vague, it's more the description of a place. I was originally going to commit to an episodic structure for the comic, but now, if I'm going to be posting this to AO3, then it absolutely has to have a chapter structure. But if I might be posting the chapters only to here, then I might go back to the episodic structure.

The Abyss is about a group, a main cast, of people, featuring Jeffrey, Tim, Brian, Ben, Cody, Toby, and Sally in Book One (five books in total) living in an alternate plane of existence called the Abyssal Plane, or the Abyss, which is ruled over by a demon that they called the Emperor. The Emperor is tall, faceless, and wears the skin of whatever would fool a person the most effectively.

Their job in the Abyss is to provide retribution to those that the Emperor feels deserves it. Retribution means death. Each person has their own style of carrying out their job when they go on missions. We follow each of these main characters throughout their lives and struggles in and outside of the Abyss, so I guess it's also like slice of life in a sense.

The issue I find that I stated before, is that I feel like I've changed the characters too much in order for it to still be considered fanfiction. I fear that no one will be able to recognize these characters, the only thing I have not changed is first name and some design choices. That's why I have labeled it an AU, an alternate universe.

And another thing, I still have some learning to do, especially when it comes to people of whom I do not share experience with. I've done research, but there's only so much research that you can do that is not talking to people of different cultures, different races, different ethnicities, and I am horrible with talking to people. I fake it till I make it.

If anybody has any details with their life that is outside of my experience, I would love to hear about it. I love learning about people, all kinds of people. Even if it's information that I need repeated to me, repetition is important.

Thanks for reading, I would appreciate constructive criticism, feedback, and interaction. This is my favorite thing to do: talk about what I'm passionate about. Please tell me what you're passionate about!

[gontagokuhara]

HELLO CONNORLIZABETH BAZ FREAKING WRITES surprisingly it is not drunk anon coming at ya... its ya girl Cider checking in and thanking you for responding to my last ask! It's been a minute (I started nursing school and I'm already uhh😍 slaying grades wise but not slaying mental health wise, I didnt get to respond to the ask but I'm gonna read it now!) but I have so much inspiration for reading/writing recently and it's making me feel pretty happy!😊 I thought I should send some good vibes your way and let you know that you've still got that lesbian swag 👊🏾 like jesus I left for two seconds and you've already forgotten your lesbian swag??????🙄🙄🙄 Life will work out and your toxic yuri situation may very likely have an unexpected ending! And if you feel like you're doing your best then it truly is what it is💔 Anyway I know you'll do well regardless and hope you have a great rest of your day👍 I AM MANIFESTING THE MOST PERFECT BEAUTIFUL HOT SEXY FUNNY BUTCH TO CURRENTLY STALK YOUR SOCIALS AND FALL IN LOVE AND SHOW UP ON YOUR DOORSTEP AND PICK UP WINNIE AND START LIFTING HER LIKE A WEIGHT. Now I'm gonna take a nap bc my head hurts bad and I was TOO awkward today in class so I need to take a catnap BYEEEEE

CIDER MY BELOVED ❤️❤️❤️ i’ve been sitting on this ask for a few days i HAVE seen it i HAVE been rereading it when i need girlboss lesbian swag and you DELIVERED ‼️‼️ i am feeling better mostly Thankfully this toxic yuri is very much in the past i was just unexpectedly prompted into having Emotions over it u hate to see it tbh…..but we move on HOPEFULLY TO A BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS DREAMY BUTCH (or a pretty femme Love wins ❤️) and in the meantime we grind on pointy objects ‼️

good luck in school beloved i am actually as we speak en route to help my sister (pointy objects co-founder, god among men) move into her dorm……and then i’m hopefully gonna get close to finishing up the chapter because to be completely real with you i am COOKING 😏 and am sooooo excited u have no idea genuinely writing this chapter has been so fun. there were Reasons i abandoned pointy objects in college however and Time is certainly one of them so i Completely understand </3 especially when ur in NURSING!!! my college was majority nursing it is NAWT easy but i believe in u so much its UNREAL!!!! u got this babe and u know me and pointy objects will be here when the right time arises ❤️ i love u have a good week!!!! MWAH

[adventism-atheism-orthodoxy-me]

Realness

I recently had an epiphany - actually it was a few weeks ago. I was called hateful and misguided for making it public. Nevertheless, an epiphany was had, I had it, and I shared it.

God is not us. He doesn't consult us. Our ideas about him do not affect him. They only affect us. Period.

I've often said that the stories we tell ourselves matter.

So if God is unaffected by us and our ideas about him, what do our ideas, or our stories matter?

Because the right stories, however misguided, will get us closer to the truth and God himself; and bad stories will take us down a path of delusion and death.

So, if your theology imagines a God coming down from heaven with a machine gun, putting his enemies to route - then you will vote for a strong-man president who fornicates, is above the laws of the land, and for whom might makes right. Or you will advocate for invading foreign countries. You will advocate for policies that enslave conquered peoples to either be janissaries for your cause, or who use them as breeding stock for the next wave of home-grown invaders. Laws are above you because God is righteous and demands his justice, and you are cleansing, purifying the earth for his glory…

On the other hand, if your God is one who made all the heavens and earth, and everything contained within, then your theology might be a bit different. You might see things day-to-day that you might not like, but you will be generous with a grace that seeks to understand and aid in the conversion of daily discordance towards eternal harmony.

In this we have a problem.

When I was in grade-school, we had a class on synonyms, and I was suddenly fascinated by the idea that adjectives, especially, could alter emotions and a train of thought. A rose stinks, vs that same rose smells good - both talk about the aroma of the rose as it casts off an odor, but the adjective and the adjectival clause gives very different emotional responses. Neither particular phrase however changes the ontology of the rose. The rose just does what roses do, and the odor it casts off is just the odor of the rose itself. the adjectives I use to describe the ontology are my problem - my hangup.

I have been criticized for using narcissism to describe the human condition. Yet, what other words should I use? Self-centered, thoughtless, careless, self-absorbed? Is there a more polite synonym that doesn't offend delicate sensibilities?

As a man I am boxed into my body. I can attempt to see things from another's point of view, but that will never be the same because I will only interpret other peoples behavior in reference to my own experience. And truth be told, I am the star in my own life! Everyone else are bit players, coming in and out, playing their parts as friends or villains, before they exit off stage. None of us, besides the Saints perhaps, can break from this paradigm. We are all self absorbed, and I'm the worst. So, if my assertion is that everyone around me are narcissists, be rest assured, I include myself among you as the worst. As a point of fact - I say I love my kids, but do I really? Do I love them for them, or do I love them because they're mine in some way? There's a reason why monastics talk about dispassion - it's an ideal but it's extremely hard to wrestle with. Yes, I do love my kids, but I fear it's for all the wrong reasons.

Its the awareness of my condition though that is my key point.

My intellectual masturbation - I'm sorry, does "mental contemplation" or "cerebral self-gratification" offend you less? may satisfy me, but it does nothing tangible. Believing the assertion that God is one way or another just makes me happy, makes me feel like God and I have got our own thing going on. But, it doesn't change God himself. It also doesn't change reality.

There's a word that I picked up reading many years ago - ontology. I think of it as the "realness" of a thing. Ideas are not things. They're pretend. Faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26, Matthew 25:31-46). An idea not made manifest is vapor, and not worth the time to entertain.

So, when I hear someone speak in glowing terms of something - I try to discern the ontology behind it - what other words could I use, and how would that color the reality of what I'm witnessing. The same when I hear disparaging comments about something - what's the ontology - the reality behind it. And don't get me started on theories on "how things work" that can't be proven - you're just engaging in "mental contemplation".

When I hear, “Whoever destroys a single life is considered by Scripture to have destroyed the whole world, and whoever saves a single life is considered by Scripture to have saved the whole world.” It has a ring of life, goodness, dare I say - holiness…

When I hear, "O what a disgrace if such a despised and base race, which worships demons, should conquer a people which has the faith of omnipotent God and is made glorious with the name of Christ!", or, "Go bravely to fulfill your military duty. And remember that if you lay down your life for your country, you will be with God in his kingdom, glory and eternal life." It sounds less life-giving, more self serving, more concerned with lines on a map - political boundaries - us vs. them - then on the people involved…

I'm just saying….

Word, words, words, I'm so sick of words…

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, Have mercy upon me a sinner.

[stfxls]

MEMOIR : IN THE LOVING MEMORY OF MY LATE GRADE 9 ADVISER

Death is certain yet we don't when it will happen. That is the lesson we learned from the subject Introduction to Philosophy of the Human Person. Death of someone is the most unforgettable moment of my high school life that took the steering wheel of my ship and took change of another direction. Her death is the most devastating of all of my experience as a high school student. She was our Adviser in Grade 9 when I was in high school, she was really like an angel, she really took care of us amidst of the COVID-19 Pandemic. The first time I met her was thru a submission of my activities of my modules, since that time we had a lockdown before. My first impression of her is that she is a type of teacher who would always get mad of you, like a mother with a children of four. However she was different, her approach is like a soft touch of a pillow that caress your tired head. She was like "Magandang Umaga po mommy kayo po ba yung mommy ni Steven Dueñas?" she asked. "Opo ako po iyon huhu...pasensya na po kayo sa abala nako sorry kung na late ako marami pa kasi akong inaasikaso sa bahay!" My mom worriedly told my Late Former adviser "Oh don't worry po ayos lang po iyon, mamaya pa naman kami aalis by the way my name is Emerlinda P. Cerna and I am the Adviser of your child po it's so nice to meet you po" then she shook hands with my mom. Her smile was extends to her ears and her calm voice soothes my ears to the extend that my mind full of thoughts quickly fades away and my attention was transferred to her as she and my mom were talking to each other.

Mrs. Emerlinda P. Cerna was always there for me like every questions that I ask her thru personal messages on messenger regarding to her lesson, she always responds quickly. She's a very considerate person that she even accepts late outputs to be submitted in their house personally. As I arrive upon their house the one who greeted me was her mother, and I told her mom that "Good Morning po nandito po ba Si Ma'am Cerna may ipapasa lang po sana akong outputs po pasensya na po sa abala!" I told to her mom while feeling blue. "Ah sandali lang ahhh.....Emerlinda....may naghahanap sayo dito estudyante mo ata ire!" Her mom shouted. At last ma'am Emerlinda came out from the door and greeted me "Good morning nak kamusta ka? Bakit na late ka ng pagsubmit?" She worryingly asked. "Ma'am nagtrabaho pa po kasi ako sinamahan ko pa po sila mama sa pagtitinda po ehh pasensya na po ma'am!" My respond to her as if I am begging mercy in front of the almighty God. "Ahhh sige anak wait kunin ko lang itong Outputs mo tapos.....kasama mo ba si Mama mo?" She suddenly asked. "Opo ma'am Nasa labas po siya hinihintay nya po ako. Bakit po ma'am may problema po ba sa grades ko?" I nervously asked. "Wala naman anak actually Ibibigay ko Sana yung card mo sa mommy mo since hindi nga siya naka-attend ng teacher-parent conference." she calmly responded. Her statement were a mix of life and death situation to me it's because I don't know what is the condition of my grades. I called my mom to come over so that she could receive my average for the 4th Quarter and that is 95 and I am held as the only student who received highest grade in our class. I cry a river for that since it is my first time achieving that kind of title in all of my years studying, my mom also did she couldn't believe that I would be able to achieve "With High honors" at that time. Ma'am Emerlinda also cried and she said that she was glad that I became her student, that she is so proud of me, and she wishes me to do my best in the upcoming Grade 10.

During Grade 10 it was somewhere February of 2022 my best friend brought me the news "HOI BESHIIE NABALITAAN MO NA!?" She quickly approaches me and she was catching her breath as if she run in the never-ending road. "Oh sis...bat ka hinihingal abay mag hinay hinay ka kasi gurl...ano bang sasabihin mo ha? Bat parang nagmamadali ka?" I asked her with doubt. "BEH PATAY NA YUNG ADVISER NYO!?" She said. My ears didn't get it at first so I asked her once again "HA! ANO DAW!? PATAY!? SINO YUNG ADVISER NAMIN!? SINONG ADVISER BEH!?" I asked her in a high tone because of the shock that gave me. "BEH SI MA'AM CERNA YUNG ADVISER NIYO NUNG GRADE 9 DEDO NA SIYA!" As I heard those words in my mind, my mind says it's true but my heart does not believe to any words that comes out of her mouth. Because that is just impossible since I just recently talked with her a month ago, how does my best friend know about the news on my adviser's death. "OH ETO AYAW MO PA MANIWALA AHHH!" She then showed a Facebook post with my adviser where she was put inside of a coffin, lifeless. My Tears drops like a needle as if no one could hear me crying. I was running at that time towards to our house because I cannot take the news about Ma'am Cerna's death. I cried at that time since she was like a mother to me. All of those lessons that she taught me, were now be only memories which I will always cherish how I wish that she is still right beside me.

After hearing the news about her death, I wasn't able to attend to her lamay to mourn to her death since I was really busy with helping my mom with her business, but some of my classmates did, and they inform me that the cause of her death was because there was a connection in her brain that was severed which resulted to her demise. After her burial, I was able to visit their house and I notice her son which is approximately 3 years old at that time, and her husband carrying him, I felt pity for the family especially to her Son and husband which were devastated and felt really empty on those times and I said to myself that I hope they are able to get pass throught this dark times.

Because of what happened to Ma'am Cerna her death made a pathway to my chosen career in the future. Since I really love her and the way she taught me, that's why I wanted to follow the path she started and I will be the one to continue it as a token of my gratitude for her great efforts, In which it granted me an access to be a HUMSS student today. It's because of her that's why I wanted to be someone like her not because of the perks and benefits of being a teacher but to be a better instrument for kids and teens who will be soon the pillars of the community and the society.

[passiveagreeable]

You ever just think back on something you did or a particular way you behaved and think. Goddamn, that was kinda metal.

In sixth grade, one popular girl in my social studies class took it upon herself to start bullying me. She and her little friends in the class all were in on it. They were constantly bothering me, she’d call me ‘best friend’ all the time (whether she even knew my name is a mystery to never be solved) and try to physically cling to me or jerk me around, ask me digging and invasive questions, try to get me to do their homework, etc. They may have also tried to trip me on a number of occasions, if memory serves. It’s been like, a good amount of time since then, more than ten years, so many of the details have faded away. But they all around made me uncomfortable, that I’ll never forget.

But here’s the thing. I genuinely didn’t realize they were bullying me. I was just confused. I thought they were being really weird and annoying, and just kinda thought they were stupid. I even helped them, sometimes, with assignments and explained class work, though I didn’t give them answers or do it for them. They never succeeded in tripping me that I recall, because I was then and am now always aware of the floor as I walk, and brushed off their split second attempts to do so as accidents. It never occurred to me to be offended or upset, or that their words and actions were supposed to be tearing me down and making me feel small and inadequate.

That’s part of why I don’t remember it vividly. Because that’s how little it really affected me, and I didn’t really carry it with me past about the seventh grade.

It was more than six years later, when I had just started college. I was in a small orientation group, and some of us had gotten together for dinner. One girl brought these question cards and we were using them to start conversation and get to know each other. And one of them asked some question about the past, I don’t know what it was.

And it hit me right then, all at once. It was the first time I had probably even thought about the whole ordeal since I left middle school. They weren’t just being dumb and joking around, they were actively trying to hurt me and make me feel bad.

It also explained why a different girl in the class, by all means also popular but in a different group of friends from these other girls, about halfway through the year very suddenly struck up a friendship with me. I was also confused by this, but she was just so nice and smart, so I wasn’t that bothered. I didn’t know why she suddenly asked to sit next to me in class and why we worked together on class work and projects. And when she was there, they didn’t bother me.

Because I didn’t see what they were doing at the time, but she did. She didn’t even know me at all, and she stopped them, I guess in probably the only way she could come up with.

But like. I can’t believe I was subconsciously such a secure kid at like 11 years old that a group of girls ganging up on me for like half of the school year just rolled off my back like water off a duck. I mean, I wasn’t like, very confident or whatever, I wasn’t that secure, but apparently I had an extremely strong sense of self worth and assurance that their every effort to tear me down every day for months just didn’t even worm it’s way into my head. Or I was just that stupid, which is also completely possible.

God, I wish I was that secure now. Or even that stupid. I’ll take whatever I can get.

[irishhills]

a quiet understanding

Chris sits beside Blair in all-school Mass on the day they’re going to announce the stupid homecoming court. Since Ms. Williams, the school guidance counselor, kind of forced Chris into honors courses at the end of last year, the one good thing has been spending more time with Blair in school. In the days of yore, they were lucky if they had a random theology class together. Now, in tenth grade, there’s even an honors option for that. Honors God. It’s a great pun when Chris thinks about it. Then again, he doesn’t have to think about it very hard. He doesn’t have to think about most things very hard.

The downside is that he also has to spend a lot more time around Amy. Being her loser fake twin brother was hard enough when they had no overlap. Now that overlapping classes are all they have, it’s impossible to avoid comparisons. The other kids wonder why Chris can’t be as cool as Amy, and the teachers wonder why Amy’s literary analyses aren’t as sophisticated as Chris’s. You’d never believe which one hurts which sibling more.

Chris tries to put all that out of his mind during mandatory Mass. He hasn’t given much thought to how religious he may or may not be or anything like that. Sure, he was thrilled to dress up like St. Christopher for the All Saints Day celebration in fourth grade, especially because Matt Dillon, the coolest guy in the world, had a medallion of St. Christopher in The Outsiders. The girls in his class made him well aware of that one, and he was very popular for a day. But these days, Mass is a time where the regular rules of school don’t really apply. It doesn’t matter who you are. You extend the sign of peace.

It doesn’t hurt that he gets to sit through it all with Blair, either. What does hurt is the freshman who’s volunteered to sing “There’s a Quiet Understanding” as a solo after the Eucharist. Chris and Blair call it the secret song, for when the reflection hymn just isn’t enough. And God love this little freshman, really, but her voice is like if the tiniest mouse scratched the tiniest nails on the tiniest chalkboard.

Blair winces.

“Is it over?” she asks.

“Almost,” Chris says.

“I want to know who told her she could sing.”

“I want to know who told her it didn’t matter if she couldn’t.”

Blair laughs quietly. She looks down at her legs, and Chris finds he’s looking down at them, too. She’s wearing purple tights. In ninth grade, girls at St. Elizabeth are allowed to start wearing any tights or socks they want, and Blair has quite the collection. Whenever she’s given half an inch of freedom, she wears it out. It’s impressive. Chris is still looking at her legs, but not in a creepy way. Never in a creepy way. Never with Blair. He just needs somewhere to rest his eyes and wait for the song to be over.

When the song finally does end, people clap. Never underestimate a Catholic’s love for the overdone polite clap. Blair breathes a sigh of relief, and Chris decides it’s probably a good idea to look at Fr. Tom, the short priest with the wiry glasses.

“I know you’re all very excited for this year’s homecoming,” he says, and most of the student body claps, even the little kids who are too young to understand what it means.

“Excited isn’t exactly how I’d put it,” Chris says.

“I’m excited to wear a dress and make fun of people,” Blair says.

Chris’s eyes get wide.

“You’re going?” he asks.

“Well, I thought I would,” Blair says. “Is that a problem?”

“No, it’s just … we didn’t go last year.”

“You don’t have to go. I said I’m going.”

“OK, but we do everything together.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t.”

“Who are you gonna go with? Are you gonna go with Eliza?”

“Well, probably. Do you see a line of real suitors clamoring to take Blair Donnelly for a date? I don’t.”

Chris’s palms start to sweat, and he doesn’t know why. He just thinks about the way guys talk about Blair in the locker room before and after gym class. Blair of the Boobs, they say. They don’t understand why Chris isn’t hooking up with her every damn day, they say. Chris doesn’t know how to tell them that he’s fifteen years old – that they all are.

Maybe one of them will finally get wise and ask her out. Take her away. Maybe they should. Except Blair would never say yes. She has better taste than that.

Fr. Tom invites Mrs. Standish to announce the names of the homecoming court. It’s a bunch of people you’d expect, including Luke and Amy. But then, Mrs. Standish gets to the name of the second sophomore homecoming prince, and it’s a nightmare.

“Chris Egan?”

Chris feels like the world is crashing down around him. Surely, Mrs. Standish is reading from a list of people who got no votes for the homecoming court, which Chris assumes they put together, just to laugh. But she’s not. This is real, and he has to stand up.

No one claps for Chris like they do for the rest of the court. They snicker and gasp, but they don’t giggle. As he walks up to the other students at the altar, he feels Eliza’s eyes on him, like she’s trying to tell him to sit back down. He feels Blair’s eyes on him, too, but her gaze is more than a warning, more than words.

When he locks eyes with Amy – smug as shit Amy – he knows exactly how he got there.