#i may have gotten more cynical and sad

[idreamofneonsheep]

Trying out some new styles for a project [that I'll hopefully stick with] and vibed with this one so

Could be better but the vibes r there methinks

[yuerikoko]

So…

I can’t believe it took me 3 years to be able to say it out loud but—

Old woman yuri.

(Or at least one-sided gay pining at the very most)

(Apologies for the lack of good screenshots, I just started replaying WE recently since my Angela brain rot is coming back)

———

Okayy so I want to confess: I initially wrote a fic about them because I wanted a wlw equivalent to Jars from S3 so then I thought about them— and thus came a slow burn fic (actually a 1k word one shot because it was part of a one shot book in Wattpad I had back then) I made of them in 2021 in an AU where Lars was the mole for the sake of making the ship sail. The one shot has been deleted, unfortunately, and as of now I might not have plans to rewrite it : (

Anyways I started shipping them seriously after I wrote that fic (I still like Angelars and Carchelle tho!) and the more I read into their interactions, the more I realized just how much untapped potential their relationship has (PS knew they would be too powerful so they had to make Angela the mole with little to no buildup until literally two cases before IPS/s). Also incoming ramble about them since barely anyone talks about them:

Their interactions, while few, are super wholesome and have a special place in my heart as someone who’s skimmed through the transcripts for either Angela’s appearances OR their interactions. No one talks about how Carmen, while usually hotheaded and quick to action, constantly praises Angela and is really patient with her enough. And as @celestiarambles has pointed out in their analysis of their relationship, Carmen has only gotten mad at Angela ONCE for a reason that wasn’t out of concern for her well-being and it was because she was flirting with Lars in front of her. (Could it be because she wasn’t being serious? Or could it be out of envy? We may never know, unfortunately…)

Likewise, I see so much potential to be explored when it comes to their interactions: Carmen teaching Angela photography after having very nicely for some reason (I bet 50 bucks that if it were Jack or Lars it’d be different) told her she sucked, them discussing parenting tips, and character studies of their relationships. Or if we were to enter fic territory, their pre-canon/post-canon dynamic is also an interesting idea to think about, or maybe an AU where they could end up together (Mole!Lars seems like the easiest way tho). Fic writers, I call upon thee to make this wish of mine come true/j

Their personalities also complement each other very well : D. While both show clear work ethic and seriousness in their work, they also complement each other. Carmen is tough, hotheaded and started off as distrustful at us in the beginning of WE, being focused on her work first and foremost, while Angela is much more calm, patient and initially warm and family-oriented. This also leads to some interesting parallels as they almost become each other’s core traits by the end of WE: Carmen having grown more motherly and caring after having Sanjay, whilst Angela grew distrustful and cynical, likely due to her pledged loyalty to SOMBRA, which lead her to follow their orders so devotedly that she was actually willing to blow us up.

The fact that the transition from the main plot of IPS to the AI has Carmen change facial expressions from holding a straight face to being sad/disappointed. It could’ve been Ripley, who was upset at the loss of one of their most competent members by the hands of the organization she swore to destroy. It could’ve been Jack, who was upset for Lars— his best friend, and they did have some nice interactions, too. But the fact that Carmen of all people was chosen for this, despite the fact that her relationship with Angela wasn’t either of their most important (Lars to Angela and Sanjay/Elliot to Carmen /platonically btw), did make for an interesting choice.

Also not related to canon but fun fact: my hc of Carmen nicknaming Angela “Angie” actually came from that one fic I wrote XD

And don’t get me started on the way they also fit into so many tropes at once:

Birds of a feather: Both of them are hardworking, serious and devoted to their work, but are shown to also care about the people around them, especially children and young people.

Red oni, Blue oni/Opposites Attract: Despite their similarities, Carmen is more hot-tempered and impatient, while Angela is known to be more calm and reserved.

Coworker yuri: do I even need to explain myself…

Brains and Brawn: Angela is shown to be really intelligent (you do not just forget a Nobel prize in biology) and it is also shown when she almost succeeded in deceiving us into thinking anyone but her was the mole. On the other hand, Carmen is more prone to action and violence (the fact that PS barely put out a moment in which she lets her badass personality shine and is almost always rescued by Jonah is a huge sin against humanity). Their jobs also reflect this in a way.

Pair the smart ones: Angela with her academic expertise in biology and Carmen with her field experience in journalism.

Battle couple: Most of the points I stated for Carmen earlier apply, along with the fact that we learn that Angela takes military training in the finale.

Dating Catwoman: Can somewhat apply post-canon, or after Angela has been outed.

Morality pet: To Carmen, since Angela is one of the few people she rarely ever gets mad at that wasn’t a child or teenager.

You (he) never did that for me: For Angela. An example was in Case 8 where she had went missing for hours and Lars was only like “hey guys my wife went missing” while Carmen actually went to go look for her.

Not so Different: Aside from their personalities, their character arcs also reflect this as discussed earlier. Carmen’s warm and motherly side gets to show itself later on with Angela still around, while the finale also shows Angela loyal to SOMBRA and being colder and meaner towards the Bureau, showing this sense of superiority(?) over their respective allegiances similar to Carmen in the early cases (and also throughout, to an extent) of the season.

Complementary colors: Red and green. Need I say more?

OKAY THIS WAS A LOT— it took me a whole hour to type this up but I wanted to get these two out of my head rq also as a means of unwinding from exam stress (will probably disappear into the shadows again after this). Please do correct me for any inaccuracies, though ^^

[ao3cassandraic]

Angels, demons, language, and culture: part 3

(Part 1 and Part 2 for those interested.)

"I play an ineffable game of my own devising. For everyone else, it’s like playing poker in a pitch dark room with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won’t tell you the rules and who smiles all the time." --God, Good Omens

This is just. Creepy and awful and so, so wrong for a quasi-omnipotent being. Ugh. Good Omens!God is an abject horror.

But if you're one of the poker players at that table, what do you do? You try to figure out the rules and mark the cards, naturally. Especially if leaving the table only happens via swan dives into burning sulphur, or getting kicked out of the only home you've known into a hostile desert with lions in it. While pregnant, yet.

So, I did a Bat Mitzvah back in the day, as it happens, and my Torah portion was from Deuteronomy. Which is, as I am hardly the first to notice, chockablock full of rules. Good Omens definitely leveraged (rather than inventing) the idea of trying to figure out Her rules and codify them in writing! Note, however, that the Bible per Word of Gaiman is a human thing. Codifying divine rules? Therefore also a human thing, minus I suppose the Ten Commandments -- though I can certainly envision a Good Omens in which Moses was, um, not exactly telling the truth about the source of the tablets; we only really have his word for it.

Angels and demons, who have a low opinion of literacy and just generally don't seem to be very good at it, never did this. We see that Aziraphale, Before the Beginning, has intuitively figured a few rules out: don't question Her, don't comment on (much less critique) Her decisions or designs, don't ever ever piss Her off. The Starmaker hasn't gotten this far, tragically, and our Crowley remains confused throughout the show as to what rule he can possibly have broken that earned him the identity-changing torture She inflicted on him.

Fundamentally, Crowley doesn't want to -- perhaps can't -- believe that She is capricious and cruel. He thinks there are rules, "don't test to destruction" being a major one. We know he's wrong, however. She straight-up told us so, in the quote at the top of this post! Aziraphale, too, knows, though he buries this knowledge as deep under the words "ineffable" and "Great Plan" (there is no Great Plan, She told us so, it's all a game to Her) as he possibly can -- I think as a coping mechanism -- and does his best to avoid drawing Her attention again after the Sword Incident.

But we see angelic and demonic confusion about the rules of Her game again and again. It's at the root of Aziraphale's successful Great Plan/Ineffable Plan hairsplitting at the airbase. It's why Aziraphale has to (with Muriel's help) dig through the contract for Job, and why Gabriel and Michael can't even be arsed to, even revising Job's reward on the fly. They're guessing! They're guessing about the rules based on what they've seen of Her caprices! She likes sevens!

It's how Crowley rules-lawyers the demons into letting the Whickber Street tradespeople go. If there are actual rules of Heaven-Hell engagement -- and there may not be! Crowley's pulled plausible-sounding lies out of his arse before! -- I'll bet you anything you like practically nobody in Heaven or Hell has actually read them. (My top picks for rules-of-engagement authors, if those rules actually do exist, would be Satan and the Metatron.)

And it's why Uriel has to ask the Metatron, as unsure and afraid as Uriel has ever looked in the entire series, whether the remaining archangels have done something wrong. The Metatron's response refuses to clarify what's at issue -- he, like Her, won't tell anybody the rules. If I'm feeling extremely cynical, I think She and he refuse to explain the rules because they're more powerful if there's no rulebook that rank-and-file angels can use to contest them with.

It makes me so sad. The legions of Heaven would assuredly have followed Her rules, if they only knew what those rules were! Fanart of the just-fallen Starmaker routinely breaks my susceptible heart, not least because the commonest expressions on his face are agony, sorrow -- and confusion. It's just all so damn unfair.

Same with Job, and Peter Davison sells it beautifully. Poor Job assumes he must have broken Her rules somehow, and blames himself for not even knowing how. That's totally on Her, though! If Her rules aren't clear enough for righteous Job to be able to trust his own righteousness under a horrible test, that's Her fault, not his!

The closest that Heaven and Hell -- and humanity, for that matter -- have to Her rules is prophecy. I probably don't need to spill many pixels on how vague and confusing prophecy is, how often it's counterfeited, and how pointless it is to try to live your life by (or trying to avoid) true prophecies; prophecies will invariably gotcha you. Good Omens is hardly the first work of literature to point this out. (Try the story of Oedipus. That's a good one. Yeesh. Or, if we want to be all Biblical about it, Moses again.) Agnes Nutter may well be the only genuinely well-meaning prophet in the entire history of prophets! Even so, her book is incredibly bewildering! Generations of her descendants try to figure it out, and mostly they fail -- look at the annotations we see on Anathema's index cards.

So when @thundercrackfic asks me what Aziraphale gets out of books, my first (though not only) answer is "rules for living." Not just rules for living as safely as possible around Her, though -- rules for living among humans, too. I headcanon (and posited in "Endgame") that Aziraphale has been collecting human etiquette manuals as long as humans have been writing etiquette manuals. Codified rules, like the ones in Deuteronomy, likely help him feel more secure.

I think this is also why Muriel characterizes books as portable people. Muriel is trying their sweet adorable best to figure out the Earth rules on the fly, since nobody Upstairs told them (or indeed knows, the Metatron aside) what those rules are. They do have Aziraphale to help them along -- Aziraphale is so much better than Upstairs! he doesn't condescend or insult, he just gently instructs -- but Aziraphale can't teach full-time, he has other things on his plate. So Muriel the scrivener, one of the few angels who would have a clue about literacy due to the nature of their job, gravitates to books and discovers that they too can be gentle and compassionate teachers.

The final question outstanding is how well Aziraphale understands and assimilates human books, especially fiction, especially especially non-literal figures of speech. It's an excellent and complicated question, and I don't think I have The Answer to it, but I'll see what I can do.

[morkitten]

thoughts on Sonic Frontiers so far

I was clowning a lot on Sonic Frontiers before release and it took me until now to play it because it really looked like a cynical half-baked attempt at trend-chasing open world stuff, a genre that I already feel is very much not good. But, playing it, I feel better about it than how I thought I would feel playing.

Now, I still think it's a problematic game and definitely not one of my favorites, but when it comes to "open world games", again, a genre I really don't like, I find this as definitely one of the better/more tolerable ones I've played, simply because of the garish floating structures strewn all over these environments.

These look like shit and they're all over the place, but, it does mean that exploration requires you to do actual Sonic action-platforming to explore and to collect stuff, which is a lot more Game than the dull meandering of many open world games. All the problems of open world games are here - million collectibles for a million different things, a lot of things are just thrown out there and don't feel designed, but controlling Sonic is fun, and he's fast, meaning these environments don't feel as tiringly huge as they may appear at first.

The story so far is weirdly mature and it has this strange melancholy feel that I think is very interesting, even if I wouldn't write Sonic like this, it's fun to have a game that takes such a different swing. Sonic's friends are forced to confront themselves and their failings and sadness as they've been reduced to, uh, spirits hanging on cyber-purgatory hell. Sonic's friends are fucking dead and he needs to rescue their souls and hang out with them to comfort their loneliness as they interact with the ghosts of the last living memories of people of a genocided ancient civilization. That's, uh, something!

I do think the constant name-dropping other past games and events and characters feels a bit too much. It does feel like Ian Flynn trying to overcorrect or overdeliver on "fandom complaints" about past Sonic games, about how their stories don't feel meaningful, about how they seem to pretend no other game exists, etc. Sometimes he'll slip in some meta commentary based on fandom complaints about past Sonic games too, there's a line where like, Amy asks Sonic if it feels nice to roam around freely "with no guardrails", as if addressing complaints that people have with games like Sonic Unleashed, Colors, Generations and Forces relying on "hallway"-style level design a la Crash Bandicoot, or, and I haven't gotten to Tails yet, but I do know there's a line where Tails complains about his own character writing in Sonic Forces, and it's like, this is a bit too much. I don't need to be informed of what Sonic reddit discusses about in their spare time, this kinda stuff is lame and insular.

The combat isn't superb but it's interesting that they had to rethink so much in order to give Sonic combat at all. Every big enemy is like a completely different beast that takes specific parts of Sonic's moveset to use against them, and they're decent attempts at doing that! I would just rather not fight them again after fighting them once, though. Also, Sonic has fun and flashy moves that feel fitting to him.

Those are my impressions so far, might reblog this later with more of my thoughts as I progress through the game.

[savelockwoodandco]

Hi Admin, hope everything is fine with you, because I truly need your insight.

Whilst I understand that we must approach a battle with high spirits, the way the world goes and with it the media industry really saddens me.

Are we really gonna get the show back?

Do we think CF or the Strouds will really tell us to stop if they think all is over?

I might be far too cynical, but for the Strouds any publicity brings more people to the books.

As for CF, it's still free publicity.

I know that of course none of them will ever be straightforward with us - if anything is happening behind the scenes - because they can't, I guess, but where does the Clowning stop and become simply Delusion?

I keep looking at CF reply for their 5000 followers, and I get it, it looks sus. But are we building a castle made of thin sand out of it?

I'm sorry, Admin, I don't want to upset you. :(

I will still support the show campaign, but I'm so, so, so sad about everything...

Hi Anon! Thanks for the question, and no worries, you didn't upset us! We've got decades of experience in this media game (and in cancellations specifically), and we understand that it can be challenging and frustrating at the best of times.

We totally get being discouraged due to the state of the media industry. It's never been a particularly kind nor relaxed space, and everything about it seems to have been heightened within the last decade or so. What's good -- acknowledging the impact that actors have, the ability to tell stories that would have gone unseen in years past, feeding fan interaction through behind-the-scenes looks while filming and the newfound safety of transformative works (i.e., fanfic) -- has become really, really good. On the flip side, the bad parts of media -- encouraging division and in-fighting, poor treatment of non-administrative professionals, the blind-eye to any profit beyond exponential growth -- have gotten worse.

This isn't a doom-and-gloom statement, though -- these things come in cycles. The Hayes Code Mentality is coming back into full swing, but at least we're past the point of forcing actors to get married in order to promote their films. Some things improve, some things fall back, lather, rinse, repeat. We get being discouraged due to the media landscape -- but remember, all problems are temporary, and bad things will come and go just as often as good things. The good things, the progress, the encouraging changes are no less good simply because they're accompanied by uncertainty.

And if we had to pick a mission statement for answering this ask, I suppose that would be it. There are so many good and encouraging things that have happened -- watch this space, as I (tumblr mod) am going to have Twitter Mod, in all her beneficence, grab me some screenshots from Twitter to show off good/hopeful/encouraging things that have happened recently, since not everyone (including me!) is on Twitter -- that, while we may encounter doubts, disappointments, and uncertainty, it would be as foolish to throw everything out as it would be to assume that we're completely in the clear.

Recency bias, negativity bias, and plain ol' uncertainty have a way of reminding us that there's still doubt and uncertainty surrounding us in this campaign; at times, to borrow a quote, we can feel like we're braving a storm in a skiff made of paper. When a day, a week, two weeks, or more pass without Absolute Confirmation of being picked up, it's easy to lose confidence, to become discouraged, and to believe that nothing we do matters.

And yes, to just simply get sad. And that's okay, that's normal and understandable.

To answer the question posed at the beginning of this ask: yes, we still firmly believe that we're going to get our show back. So many good things -- Nice Things -- have happened and continue to happen (once again, watch this space for a screenshot-heavy post about those things!), that I think it would be wrongheaded to ignore them.

Yes, CF would tell us if there wasn't a chance. It's not really 'free publicity' to encourage people to support a campaign to save a show that they don't have a stake in.

And yes, they make Lockwood and Co; but without a second season, there's no opportunity to make more profit off of it -- sales off DVDs only apply when the show will be put on DVD, after all, which is increasingly uncommon for streaming-premiered shows. Positive word of mouth of "oh they made that really good show that netflix unfairly cancelled" -- a true statement -- only goes so far when negative word of mouth -- "they led fans on when they knew there wasn't a chance" -- is the trade-off.

CF isn't a huge company, they need that positive word of mouth to draw in viewers for current and future projects. On top of all of that, they're human. It's tempting to see every business, no matter the size, as a soul-sucking machine that wrings fans dry for profit, but that simply isn't true, especially of smaller outfits.

The same goes for the Strouds -- there was so much of a rush for the books when the show first came out; people had to wait weeks and weeks for more copies to be printed and sent out through Amazon/Barnes & Noble/other booksellers, and libraries had hold lines for months. That fervor only holds out so long, though, without something concrete -- another season -- to keep it up. In this age of 'receipts', Stroud isn't going to risk his reputation (and provide a lot of clean-up work for his agent) by stringing us alone without any hope.

Everyone involved in this, from the production studio to the author to us, the fans, has a vested interest in not just creating buzz but in actually making a S2 happen. Simply from a business standpoint, it's better business to supply an in-demand product than to not. Attention spans -- and business experts' opinions of attention spans, which is almost more important -- are famously short nowadays. Businesses cannot and do not plan on a small injection to produce long-lasting loyalty and results -- and when they do, like Netflix has been, it bites them in the rear repeatedly.

The sad, sorry fact is that they can't be open and transparent with us about renewal efforts, you're completely right about that. The legalities of contracts and deals within the media industry demand absolute silence until the ink is dry, and sometimes for a bit after that. To use a recent example, the showrunner for Warrior Nun tweeted in March that the show being saved would be because of fan efforts to make it happen. A full 3 months later, he was allowed to announce that the show had officially been picked up. The wheels of media move slowly, but they move.

When does clowning become delusion? The only situation where it would would be if CF came out and told us to stop and that there was no chance. Barring that, it doesn't become delusion. We like to toss around the term 'clowning' -- and it's a fun term that we, the mods, use regularly -- but all we're referring to is the process of distilling what we see into tangible data.

I don't mean to make it sound like some scientific process, but...isn't it? Isn't this all some grand experiment in the name of a grand hobby?

We plot, we plan, we infer, we record, and at the end of the day we turn all of that effort into tangible results. Those results -- trending every single day since cancellation, usually with multiple hashtags/phrases, numerous articles written about the show, its cancellation, and the efforts to save it, a petition with nearly 25k signatures, award nominations, you name it -- are very real, and very helpful.

While ultimately we can't sign the contracts or enact the business deals that will cement our pick-up -- trust us, if we could, they'd be signed by now -- we can provide strong reasons through our engagement for business to want us. The higher we raise demand, the more of a no-brainer providing supply -- a second season -- is.

To all of LockNation, we thank you for your continued efforts. Your tweets, posts, fanart, fanfic, hashtags, signatures, articles, and most importantly, your relentless cheerful dedication, mean the world. We heartily thank you and we heartily encourage you to take breaks, to take care of yourselves. We're confident that, in the future, we will be able to look down at our little skiff made of paper and find that it was made of sterner stuff than we thought.

We're confident in the continued future of Lockwood and Co. We can do this. Look to other successful campaigns; we may have months to go, but we can get through them and come out the victors on the other end.

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 09/02/2024

Joke-Explainer™ 7000 Fusion Collab

Season 8 No Album Release (Read More) Magolor's Shoppe - Team Kirby Clash Deluxe

Ripped by Bruh de la Boi, ChickenSuitGuy, circunflexo, Cosmic199X, Edgi, Ellie53, Jiko Music, Memmy, Pan Visuals by BobTheTacocat

Look alive, everyone - Season 8 of SiIvaGunner has now officially premiered!

It may be a bit rich to say as someone running this blog, and with such deep investment into the channel, but...Season 7 really did bring me back into SiIvaGunner in a way I never quite thought would be possible. I'd sort of just accepted with Season 4, Season 5 and Season 6 that the channel had found a new direction: one that I was still VERY much a fan of, yet not quite the one that had "sold" me on the channel the same way Season 1, Season 2 and Season 3 did. I felt as if I was missing that energy of just...sheer visceral excitement for the future of the channel as a whole from the later-year seasons. There was instead a lot of per-event excitement, tons of little events to enjoy and still fun to be had in speculation of what could happen next, yet that aforementioned optimism still felt like it...missing, for a long time. And funny enough - last I discussed that feeling in particular was with Patched Plains Fusion Collab, a rip that Joke-Explainer™ 7000 Fusion Collab very much seems to be intentionally aiming to evoke.

Part of the reason that Patched Plains Fusion Collab works so well for me, and indeed why Season 2 has long sat as my favorite in the channel's life, is that feeling of raw forward momentum it conveys - the excitement of the entire fanbase thankful that SiIvaGunner hadn't actually ended, distilled into an anthem of so many different styles cheerfully pushing us forward. It was that sort of progress that, back when they were airing, I felt was sort of absent from Seasons 4/5/6 - the SiIvaGunner AI was still running things, Wood Man was still off effectively doing sidequests, and though the rips had obviously gotten better the cynical side of me couldn't help but feel a bit sad at how - for a lack of a better word - "predictable" it all felt. And to be crystal clear: A lot of those feelings have obviously changed for the better over the years. I love all of SiIvaGunner's Seasons nowadays, and I realized eventually that the prior-mentioned cynicism toward the new direction wasn't as fun as just, appreciating and LOVING the stuff to come out from the new seasons for the excellence that they were. And funny enough, I feel like that exact mindset is exactly what made Season 7 work so well for me.

Wheras Season 2 is one I remember for its feeling of constantly moving things forward at a rocket-speed pace, Season 7 excels by doing the complete opposite - the Year of Grand Dad is, at almost every possible turn, defined by its sense of self-celebration, a sort of "Sonic Generations"-type of tribute to the entire channel's life. Be it with RIP² as covered in SING A SONG ABOUT HOPES AND DREAMS, the entire incredible April Fools event I've alluded to within Violet Snow Memories, a newfound sense of chaos clearly inspired by Season 1 as shown in Hidden Headtoilets (skibidi toree 2) - yet with Seasons 4/5/6s newfound touch for genuine quality arrangements as found in rips like Forest of Tears. And, atop it all, the long-awaited continuation of the storyline last progressed back in Season 2 with the Christmas Comeback Crisis' eleventh episode. With such an incredible smörgåsbord of content on offer, it feels damn near impossible for me not to consider Season 7 my all-time new favorite.

And that optimism for the Season, that optimism for the future, is why Joke-Explainer™ 7000 Fusion Collab struck such a chord with me, with its release just a few days ago. With Season 7's ending, the status quo of the channel has been fundamentally altered in a way it hasn't truly been in a long while. For the first time ever, the long-present side character "Joke-Explainer™ 7000" is in full charge of the channel - her most prominent role ever despite having been around since all the way back in Season 1. I'll likely be dedicating another Season 8 post in the future to talking about her in particular with the same level of detail I did back in Vote Responsibly!!, but the context I'll provide for now is that her theme song, Magolor's Shoppe, has been a familiar, comforting tune to many a SiIvaGunner viewer since way back in Season 2. To see Patched Plains Fusion Collab not only get a spiritual successor, but one building upon a character and theme we've long grown attached to, means something so much to me and so many others. The added visuals, of her doing her duty with adorable Kirby-themed artwork as textboxes, are truly the cherry on top of an amazing collab.

From referencing the very beginnings of the channel with an initial arrangement using Pokémon Ruby, to using familiar-yet-infrequent sources such as Thwomp Volcano and Snail's House (jokes "worth explaining", so to speak!), to perhaps even hinting at what jokes are to become even more frequent in Season 8, such as the GOAT of all new jokes I Show Meat - I was long anticipating what the official premiere of Season 8 would be, and Joke-Explainer™ 7000 Fusion Collab was everything I never knew I wanted. My excitement for Season 8 is perhaps higher than for any other Season in the channel's long history, and I can't wait to get to share that excitement with all of you.

[yanderes-galore]

Yandere! Miles Upshur with selectively mute! Darling? He’s her voice but she’s his eyes. It could be seen either as platonic or romantic. :))

Sure! Been awhile since I've written for Outlast so I can try. I haven't played Outlast in years so I may be rusty to events in game. I just did mute darling as I'm not sure what selectively mute means but I guessed.

Wrote this late at night/early morning as I had some trouble sleeping due to my sleep schedule being out of wack due to the summer, if something seems off I apologize.

Potential Spoilers for Outlast maybe

Yandere! Miles Upshur with Mute! Darling

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, Trauma, Overprotective behavior, Grotesque descriptions, Dubious relationship, Nudity, Blood, Miles tries to comfort darling, Murder, Gore, Isolation implied, Walrider! Miles mention near end.

I like to think how you meet is within the asylum.

In fact, the asylum may be why you're mute in the first place.

You probably went mute due to the trauma you were subjected to within the facility.

Let's be honest, a lot of things in the asylum would cause you to feel more reserved.

From disgusting nudity and gore to the constant threat of death... no wonder your sanity is strained.

You are no variant.

You're not even crazy, at least not yet.

Miles most likely came across you during his journey deep into the asylum.

You're very hesitant of each other at first and Miles is not too quick to obsess.

Miles is a cynical and sharp man, but has a strong will.

At first he thinks you're a variant but a harmless one.

You clearly don't show any signs of hostility.

You more want to hide and run more than anything... it's actually a bit sad to see.

Miles hasn't seen many women in this place and gets concerned about what you may have been subjected to here.

He's seen how the variants act.

Miles most likely hunts you down in the asylum, but not to hurt you.

He wants to help you.

He tries to portray this to you the next few times he meets you.

If he's lucky, you'll stick around and trust him.

Miles has some trouble understanding you're mute at first.

He wonders why you're so quiet all the time... and when checking you over he sees no throat injuries.

He'll come to the conclusion you're mute due to trauma at some point.

Upon this realization he tries to show you he's non-threatening.

You two actually become quite the duo.

There's no one sane enough to talk to here but he soon learns to understand your lack of words.

If you both ever got out of here then he'd probably become your mouth piece for you.

In return for his protection, you become his eyes in the asylum.

You know all the best hiding spots and shortcuts due to your time here.

Miles is concerned about how long you've been here.

Since he's gotten here he's seen nothing but piles of organs and blood on the floor, naked bodies both living and dead, along with everything trying to kill him.

How did you manage to survive any of this?

How did you eat? How did you keep warm? The lack of clothing you have is tattered and barely considered decent at this point.

It disturbs Miles to think about what you must've had to do to survive this place, especially since you would've been considered a target here.

I can picture Miles sharing tender moments with you, for example he'd probably give you his jacket to wear so you can cover up.

Miles may appear cold, which is understandable due to the injuries he sustains in the asylum, yet he does have a soft spot for you.

You two only ever grow closer when you bandage him in return for him staying by you.

You two benefit from each other here.

Even if you can't speak to him with words, gestures get your point across.

Plus... sometimes you just like to listen to him talk.

This companionship between you two could be seen as platonic or romantic.

For the most part it's just you two helping each other.

Miles really does want to help you.

You're the only good thing that's come out of this asylum in his eyes.

He wants to get you out of here, he wants to get you help.

Surprisingly, over time you aren't the 'crazy' one.

It's Miles who begins to lose it by the end of it.

Due to what he's seen in the asylum, thoughts you've managed to repress, he loses his sanity.

This could morph his care for you into something darker.

He's suffocating to you, his protective behavior transitioning to something more possessive like the inmates in the asylum.

He doesn't mean it half the time but he always has a tight grip on your hand as he runs from horrors with you.

When you stop to take a breather with him... you can tell he's changed.

He still looks at you with care... but there's a darkness that's begun to fester within him.

It scares you a bit...

Yet you can't voice your concern.

Outlast is a game where you can't really fight back.

Which means during most of your time with Miles he isn't really violent.

He shows frustration at the fact he can't do anything like kill to protect you, but that's it.

During any point where an enemy or variant dies, Miles most likely covers your eyes.

You don't need to see anymore of this... just lean into him and you'll be fine.

Miles doesn't start getting bad until he becomes the Walrider's new host.

His yandere tendencies finally have a chance to flourish as he has so much power now.

When he becomes a host, you harbor mostly fear for him.

He can kill anyone in a matter of seconds, exploding their bodies into a mess of bloody chunks.

You actually want to hide from him....

Even more so when he screams at the variants for supposedly hurting you...

Miles appears to still act as your guardian despite this.

In fact, he's much more capable of protecting you from the horrors of this asylum now.

The issue is the Walrider is a separate entity from Miles.

He is its host... but it still has its own thoughts.

Yet it can see how much this human likes you... so it spares you and listens to its host.

While you once cared for Miles and appreciated his help...

Now he just feels like a new monster.

Miles keeps promising he'll take you out of here.

Eventually he does, but you don't feel safe.

You can't say anything when he offers you to live with him.

You don't know if you should show fear for him or not... you're scared yet have nowhere else to go.

By the end of the journey between you two, Miles becomes a monster that's attached to you.

He claims he now just wants to focus on helping you, despite his situation.

You only stare at him with wide and fearful eyes.

Your mind echoes with memories... the most recent ones being of Miles murdering others in an explosion of gore.

Miles... the very same man who bought you new clothes and hugs you in his home with such care.

He says he doesn't want you to feel alone.

He smiles at you and tells you he'll take care of you from now on... but your focus is only on the dead look in his eyes.

The blank gaze of those blackened bloodshot eyes....

You go along with it... fear guiding you as it once did in the asylum.

Monsters follow you wherever you go it seems....

Miles sets you up to function as you would've before the asylum.

He cares for you in his home... but you're never allowed out.

You're scared to leave... yet also scared to stay.

You want to find help, you want to help him as much as he did you...

Yet you fear Miles may be beyond help now.

[crmsnmth]

September Sky Chapter One, Part Three

I stood slowly. I was stunned. Her lips were painted a blood red. Her black hair framed her face from underneath a black bandanna hair band.

It was her eyes that dropped my jaw. They were the bluest I'd ever seen in my entire life. Galaxies and Supernovas ran around her irises, shining into the world. A quiet glint of mischief played behind the shine.

"Wow." The word was out of my mouth before my brain had finished registering. At least it was quiet enough that only I could hear it.

"It's alright. Stuff happens." Her voice was even attractive. High pitched to an almost squeak. It sounded to me like hearing my favorite song for the first time all over again. I stood, there in shock, holding her books and apple loosely.

"Still. Sorry about that," I stuttered. I shook my head, trying to get my brain working right again. I handed back her books and apple. "I think I owe you a new aapple though."

"It's all good. A little bruised never hurt anything," she smiled and took a bite.

"I'm Chris, by the way." I didn't know if I was supposed to offer my hand to shake or what. It'd been three years since my last ex and I had finally split. The three years after, I had resigned that I needed to be alone. After the hell that was that relationship, it was for my own mind to stay safe.

"Hi Chris. I'm Addison." That smile never left her face. I had to make a choice here. Did I be normal and leave this conversation with someone who was so beautiful? Or did I make a sad attempt?

"Nice to meet you. This might seem kind of odd, but would you like to get a coffee?" I decided to make the sad attempt. My first attempt in over three years. Hell, the first time in three years I'd even been remotely interested in someone. Even if it was just a pretty basic shallow interest.

"Well, I can't right now," she said. I hoped my disappointment didn't show.

"Oh ok. No, that's cool," I said quickly, with the words coming out as a single mash up of them, creating a new word.

"You didn't let me finish," she continued, catching me off guard, "how about after I'm done with classes?"

"Wait. For real?" Now I know she heard it in my voice. I couldn't hide the excitement that was there. I honestly didn't know what to do. As much as I wanted to learn more about her and hang out with her, even just for a cup of coffee, I had already resigned myself to this just being yet another random encounter.

"What? Weren't you serious?" She asked. I could hear the sarcasm in each word. I smiled. She spoke my common language. I was feeling easier around her. Maybe now, I wouldn't stutter and stumble over my sentences. There was something about the way she stood, and the way she spoke that made me feel somewhat, and strangely safe.

"No, no, no. I was serious. As a heart attack. I guess I was just expecting you to turn down the offer."

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know. Cause I did just almost run you over, and you don't know me even in the slightest."

"Well, how do you think people meet?" She made a valid point.

"In head on collisions, I guess," my sarcasm couldn't go long without showing up to the party. I was nervous and anxious and when that happened, I found myself either cracking very bad jokes, or diving deeper into sarcasm. A thick layer of cynical sarcasm.

Addison shocked me by laughing. "I mean, that's one way to do it."

"Let me try again then. After your done for the day, would maybe like to grab a coffee or something with me?" I looked at her. Right into those eyes. They were dangerous eyes. The kind of eyes I could lose myself in. And never want to be found.

"I'd like that," she looked away slightly as she answered, brushing a strand of jet-black hair off of her face. I found myself wanting to do it for her, but I'm not that fucking creepy. I may look rude and creepy and strange, but I wasn't. If she could've gotten a glance at the me in my head, I was dancing like I'd just won a million dollars. I was glad she couldn't. I may have gotten a little embarrassed.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

We're coming up to the two-year anniversary of American comedian Trevor Moore's death, which is about a week before the two-year anniversary of Sean Lock's death. The latter of which made me more sad than any celebrity death ever has, because 1) look, I know we're not supposed to be all parasocial or whatever and those people on TV are not our friends, but I had relatively recently finished every episode of 8 Out of 10 Cats and Catsdown, which I think is over 400 in total, and you can't do that without feeling like you know those people a bit, also I watched his stand-up and Fifteen Stories High, so I could better enjoy the silly panel show stuff while knowing he was better than that, just like I knew Jon Richardson was better than that, and just like I knew Jimmy Carr wasn't, and 2) a friend of mine had died not all that long before then, I was still grieving for him and some of the sadness about Sean Lock's death may have gotten mixed in with grief for someone I did actually know.

Anyway. Thinking about that tonight. Trevor Moore's death didn't me quite as hard as Sean Lock's, but it was still fucking tragic, way too young. And he was very good. My brother first introduced me to Whitest Kids U'Know (Trevor Moore's sketch group) quite a few years ago, and it's one of the few things he and I agreed upon. My brother and I have very different taste in comedy, so I didn't expect to love this thing that he described as pretty much his favourite comedy at the time, but he was right. It was so funny that I watched every episode of the Whitest Kids U'Know TV show, and got Trevor Moore's High in Church album. I still have Whitest Kids U'Know sketches on my list of things I occasionally spend an afternoon re-watching (along with SMBC sketches, Chris Flemming videos, Tim Minchin songs, used to have Mitchell and Webb sketches on there but that's tougher with Robert Webb being a dick).

Sean Lock isn't quite as easy to clip as Trevor Moore (not without going through all the clickbait compilations on Channel 4's YouTube account), but there's always:

Surrealism on the letters and numbers show:

This one made me laugh far harder than it should have, really:

And I really like this Stewart Lee story about him:

In about 2005 I was trying to escape Avalon management, a solid career move of which S Lock was an early pioneer ("You're breaking these kids' hearts", I remember him saying to the company's promoters in Edinburgh in '95 or so as they ran another hapless 20-something hopeful into insurmountable debt). I was in an Indian restaurant in Nottingham with S Lock and D Kitson and I was trying to persuade D Kitson to manage me as his 'client', as I wanted to be able to reach the small but discerning audiences he did, and without doing any television or publicity. S Lock said we were a pair of fucking idiots. I don't know why he was so annoyed, but wonder if he took my attempt to eschew popular mechanisms as a personal criticism.

I feel like it sums everyone in that story up perfectly. Right alongside the Russell Howard story from Edinburgh 2004-ish, when he asked Sean Lock why he wasn't doing a long run there with his stand-up show, and Sean replied that he doesn't really like his job that much, he's just trying to get through it (that story came from the 2008 radio episode where they got on the subject by discussing who they'd most like to get to take to work with them, and Jon Richardson said he'd love to take the comedian Sean Lock... both heartwarming and heartbreaking when you think that he did, in fact, get to take Sean Lock to work with him him many times before he died, and contrary to what he told Russell in 2004 once, Sean probably enjoyed up to seven minutes of it). And the Lee Mack story about how he initially bonded with Sean Lock due to a shared distrust of the comedy industry and everyone in it.

There was always this sense that the cynicism in Sean Lock's act was real, and that's why he spent so much of his career on fluff like panel shows instead of the deeper cynical stuff like 15 Storeys High, he knew everything was bullshit so he was just trying to make enough so he didn't have to do more bullshit than necessary. All of Stewart Lee's cynicism but none of his pretension. 8 Out of 10 Cats (the non-Countdown version) has to be worst show that I've ever spent more than 100 hours watching, but it did make me get attached to the regulars who overcame the weakness of the format, and frequently of the other guests, and made it better than that. The Sean Lock/Jon Richardson dynamic is some of the best chemistry I've ever seen on TV. You'd think it wouldn't work - you'd think it wouldn't be as good as the Richardson/Howard thing of someone made of sunshine to balance out the pessimistic one. But nope, turns out two grumpy people go great together if they're Sean and Jon. Channel 4 struck gold with that.

[the-cryptographer]

You don't have to do both or you can just answer the parts of the game you'd like for either, but Vivian Wong as a character and/or Battleshipping as a ship for the ask game if you'd like. Thank you!

Thank you!!

001 | send me a ship and I will tell you: BATTLESHIPPING

when I started shipping it if I did: I can’t exactly recall. But I think it was generally something that came along with getting back into the fandom in 2015/2016ish. Like, I had liked pupship for a long time, and wishship was something that stood out to me in the early parts of the manga, and there’s nothing not to like about rivalship. So why not just... put ‘em all together, lol.

my thoughts: Think it’s generally a lot of fun to contrast the more happy-go-lucky optimism of Yuugi and Jounouchi and their friendship with Kaiba’s cynicism. But like... what if they kissed about it? I think there’s also something to be asked about the kind of space that Jounouchi and Seto and Yuugi would create for themselves? Because you kind of have extreme poverty and extreme wealth with Jou and Seto respectively, and then Yuugi as the everyman with your sort of average media middle class domestic life. And it does make me wonder what kind of space they would want to occupy together and the kind of objects and ideas they’d want to fill it with. Which is perhaps an extremely domestic take on the ship, but it’s where I feel my mind tends to go.

What makes me happy about them: Them coming out the other side of canon with this connection to one another. Jou effusively touchy feely loving on Seto and Yuugi. All the over the top big gestures Kaiba makes, contrasted with all the small ways that Yuugi shows consideration for people. It feels like they all bring something a bit different to the table and it comes together in a way that’s really colourful.

What makes me sad about them: Think there would definitely be a lot of moments where Jounouchi feels Seto & Yuugi are teaming up against him, or Seto feels Jounouchi & Yuugi are teaming up against him, and Yuugi is SICK of getting typecast as the peacekeeper when these conflicts come to a head. I remember one of the ideas I came up with for a get-together fic was Jounouchi like... making out with Yuugi in front of Seto in a way that was obviously meant to be, like, bragging/flaunting/provocative. Which is very dysfunctional and evil and the kind of shit I feel like Jounouchi pulls all the time, lol, even after they’re together and it’s less about romantic jealousy in specific. The boy loves to get a rise out of people. Something that makes me happy & sad is the shared connection to Atem too. Bittersweet that they shared that loss together to different degrees.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: I don’t think there’s enough fanfic for them for me to really make any generalisations about the good vs the bad here.

things I look for in fanfic: Its existence.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Other ships I like are Jounouchi/Mai, Isis/Seto, aaaaand... let’s go with Malik/Ryou/Yuugi for Yuugi? But these are just a sample. I’m pretty open to and happy with most ygo ships.

My happily ever after for them: Maybe that shared domestic space can have like... a Blue Eyes White Dragon bouncy castle, lmao.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: Hmm... not sure. I think they switch it up, but Jounouchi likes sleeping in the middle for maximum cuddles and attention.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Gaming, of course~ I think we’ve gotten art from Takehashi of both Jou&Seto and Seto&Yuugi postcanon games of Duel Monsters. But I admit I like the idea of them playing other types of games as well. Dice and racing games and ttrpgs.

002 | Give me a character & I will tell you: VIVIAN WONG

How I feel about this character: She is... a mess <3  Something truly sociopathic and sinophobic about her appearances in canon, chasing after husband material and competing with literal twelve year olds. But, ignoring the jank- I love her energy! She’s so fun! And, let’s be real, Grandpa deserved to get beat up a little.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Mai <3 I’ve also seen some of her with Otogi. If I remember he delivers the exposition on who she is an her duelling records, and it’s kinda implied he’s a fan of hers. This does strike me as pretty cute.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Probably still Otogi. But I do also kinda enjoy her and Rebecca duelling and being stupid at one another~

My unpopular opinion about this character: This entire post is unpopular opinions.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Less of the aforementioned heterosexist/sinophobic jank. I also wish more of the female duelists in this series got to win and their badassery was less of an informed quality. But obviously the entire structure of the story and cast would have to be rearranged to really accommodate that, so I don’t know where this leaves me.

my OTP: Mai/Vivian~ It makes me happy that we see them together in that scene in the end credits. I feel like Mai being able to travel with and duel together with this woman is really peak happy ending. I think also because I get the impression from other places in the series that Mai has really struggled making friends her own age, and also struggled making female friends, and it’s cool to me that through the power of Duel Monsters and character development, she was finally able to connect with someone she can relate to in those kinds of ways.

my cross over ship: I got nothin’!

a headcanon fact: I’m not sure I have anything in specific, but I’d like to headcanon more about her acting credentials. I wrote her starring in a show called Romance of the Lost Dynasty apparently.

[writingsandsuch]

when i was a little girl, the world was in black and white.

sweet or sour, friends or foes, happiness or sadness, good days or bad days. and i could pluck each situation or thing or person and put them in one category in my mind. nothing was muddled or confusing or needed much explanation, if any at all.

the world was good to me, and i loved it for that. days were honey golden sweet, nights quiet and wondrous and a deep, beautiful blue.

i’m still young, but older now. nothing makes sense, not nearly the way it did to me before. i thought i knew myself better than anyone, thought i had fixed dreams and desires and passions. thought i could tap into these dreams and passions and simply and beautifully breathe them into fruition. but between the gloomy days and long, sleepless nights they got lost along the way.

and so i wake up one day realizing i’ve gone, somehow, some way. i’m still me, but much more filtered. much more anxious and much less sure of which situation or thing or person belonged in which category. it’s this incessant self doubt but also lack of sense of self, being so outside of myself yet also too tucked within.

i’m still young, but older now.

bits and pieces of that little girl is still there. the one that loved bright purple and the taste of cinnamon. the one that hated the cold and cried and cried when the world seemed so much so.

days rush on and on, some speckled with that hopeful little girl and others this more cynical, darker, less present me. but most are a constant back and forth between the two. i’ve gotten better, but still have no sense of balance or in between.

it’s frustrating how scary change is. frustrating how everything good hinges on the need for change and how stagnancy can be so debilitating and boring, but comfortable. this lack of knowing, who i am or what i want or why i want what i want. instead focusing on others and what they eat or how they walk or look or dress.

i’m still young, but older now.

and nothing makes sense, not nearly the way it did to me before. i’m not sure when it will or if it ever will. and it’s that not knowing how many more times i’ll lose myself to find myself to lose myself again, and which choice, ultimately, i may decide on.

[tmarshconnors]

Labour Party Landslide Imminent..

As the political landscape continues to shift and evolve, there's a growing sense of déjà vu reminiscent of the historic 1997 General Election. Back then, the Labour Party, under the leadership of Tony Blair, achieved a monumental landslide victory, ending 18 years of Conservative rule. Fast forward to the present day, and many political pundits are speculating whether we're on the brink of witnessing a similar political upheaval.

The current state of affairs certainly seems to be favouring the Labour Party. Which I am wholeheartedly against but let’s face simple facts with widespread dissatisfaction over the Conservative government's handling of various issues ranging from the economy to english channel migrant crossings, there's a palpable sense of disillusionment among voters. I mean they don’t even act like “proper” conservatives. In all truth I can’t tell them apart anymore. Cause let’s face it we obviously are locked in a two party system for the foreseeable future.

As I have gotten older I won’t lie I have grown extremely cynical about politics and yes I do have some very strong views by some. I have always quoted the great classical Greek philosopher Plato “One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.” But here’s the sad blunt truth is my party the Conservative Party have been in power longer than any party since the war. We need to show that we are not stagnating, that we are capable of self-renewal sadly that isn’t happening at all. It’s making me question. “Why should I bother to vote anymore?”

Furthermore, the Conservative Party's internal divisions and scandals have further eroded confidence in their ability to govern effectively. From controversies surrounding leadership decisions to accusations of cronyism and corruption, the Tories are grappling with internal strife that threatens to undermine their electoral prospects. Against this backdrop, Labour appears as a beacon of stability and integrity, offering a viable alternative to the status quo. I feel no compunction at all they have well and truly brought all of this upon themselves.

Another crucial factor working in Labour's favour is the shifting demographics of the electorate. As younger, more diverse voters come of age, they bring with them a set of values and priorities that align closely with Labour's progressive platform. Issues such as climate change, social equality, and healthcare resonate strongly with this demographic, providing Labour with a natural advantage in winning their support. Younger voters most seem to be very naive about politics.

Of course, it's important to acknowledge that predicting election outcomes is always fraught with uncertainty. Political landscapes can change rapidly, and unforeseen events or developments could alter the trajectory of the race. Nevertheless, if current trends persist, it's not difficult to envision a scenario where Labour secures a landslide victory reminiscent of 1997. I mean I could be wrong and maybe just maybe the Conservatives will be reelected to power.

In conclusion, the parallels between the present moment and the historic 1997 General Election are striking. The writing is on the wall. With the Labour Party gaining momentum and the Conservative Party facing mounting challenges, the stage seems set for a seismic shift in British politics. While nothing is certain in politics, one thing is clear: the winds of change are blowing, and come election day, we may witness a decisive mandate for Labour that reshapes the course of the nation. As for myself when the time comes. I shall be voting for the Reform Party led by Richard Tice.

One more thing…

Never forget that exercising your right to vote are crucial steps toward making a difference. I firmly believe in that.

[loveclub24]

Another Day

Okay so I haven’t written for almost two weeks now (*sigh*) so I’m a little sad that my writing streak paused for a little bit... but here I am, back and better than ever, babyeeee! I’m kidding I’ll stop sounding like the lame millennial I am, I promise. This is a week late but I wanted to write an entry about my 1975 show in LA last week. 

First of all, these shows have launched me into an extremely emotional stratosphere that is sort of hard to describe, I haven’t been in such an intensely sensitive / emotional place for a hot second, so I realize that I think I’m feeling particularly exhausted by it as well. Last Monday, I went to the Forum the forum with my boyfriend, Taylor, and one of my best friends (literally since preschool), Cambria. I dressed up in the classic Matty skinny-tie-white-button-down-black-tights-combat-boots-tumblr chic (or at least it looked chic to me LOL I’ll try to post some pics too - hey.... turning this blog into a scrapbook of some sort would be fun as well). I have never been so ready for a concert... I really feel like my Phoenix in show was a great warm up for LA and made it so I could be fully emotionally present and in the moment at this show. I had been crying for the past four days while processing that first show, so I was psyched to sob my way through At Their Very Best at the Forum. We arrived, and I made a beeline for a merch stand (getting merch was a priority for me this night since I couldn’t in Arizona). I am terrified to report that test I spend $345 on merch (but hey... some of it was for my sister too). I couldn’t find the dad hat that I really wanted, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to get that at some point (maybe they’ll sell it on the website???? ugh here’s to hoping). 

This show was fantastic because I had a seat, so different than Pheonix but it was perfect as I wasn’t ready to fight the crowd since Matty Kiss-gate had started just a few days earlier in Las Vegas (may I mention... the first show about Phoenix so I was a little butt hurt to say the least... Matty... WTF). But I was ready to just ~vibe~ (as the kids say) in the moment and enjoy the lil edible I had taken with my best friends. I was excited because I got Roadkill, Paris and ... (*drum roll ladies and gentleman*) MILK COVERED BY PHOEBE FUCKING BRIDGERS at this show! I had gotten So Far (It’s Alright) and Change in Heart in Phoenix. I will dedicate a whole paragraph to Milk because that shit was honestly life-changing. 

One thing I want to start with about this show is that I LOVE starting with The 1975 from BFIAFL. That is my favorite song from their recent album.... I just love how they decided to make it more of a full-length song for the first time. I love the idea of The 1975 being the band taking the pulse of where they are in their current state, and I just think this song is fucking genius. I mean... it’s cynical, this vitriol and Adderall and young people drinking Aperol... that just gets me every time, and into I’m sorry if you’re living and you’re seventeen.... I mean... do you want me to SOB? Do you want me to pass AWAY? As I wrote in my About You entry a few weeks ago, this album, for me, is a love letter to my 17 year old self (which coincidentally, is when I get into self-titled), so this song really feels like it sees me, and it understands that in some way a part of me will always be my 17-year-old 1975 obsessed self. The instrumental that goes into The 1975 also just makes my heart swell, that moment of knowing that they are about to open the curtain and come on stage - there was just something indescribably euphoric about this to me. Especially at this show, since I knew more so how it was going to go. 

The energy in the Forum was electric, everyone was so excited and it felt so amazing to be part of a community (god I’m so sappy) of people who were just so fucking psyched to see the 1975. To me, this is what life is - finding communities of people that are excited about the same thing, whether its friends, family, or in this case, a concert full of people in different walks of life who are some version of 75 fans. I loved the idea of the first half being a show / play, and the second transitioning into more of a classic concert / gig type feel. Oh, I can’t forget... I got to see Matty eat raw meat at this show which was truly something I’ll never forget?? I still don’t know how I feel about the Consumption part of the show but what I know I do love is seeing Matty be his insanely dramatic, narcissistic self. It’s what he does best! This time around, I really enjoyed the craftsmanship of the first half. All I Need to Hear has become a favorite of the BFIAFL part for me, his voice has been sounding so good and it’s just a classically beautiful song. It wasn’t my favorite on the album upon first listen but it’s definitely growing on me. Also, I have to say that Falling for You is one of my favorite songs from the first half as well (one of the only non BFIAFL songs in this part), this song just makes me feel like I’m a senior in high school, crying in my car listening to self-titled after my boyfriend had shattered my heart into a thousand jagged pieces. Obviously, I Like America and America Likes Me is one of my favorites as well, and I do love this new arrangement they’re doing on tour, but for some reason nothing will ever be good as their OG version. I do love seeing him wobble his way across the roof of their house set and be fucking insane per usual, though. 

Next... I want to talk about the moment of this show where my soul truly ascended out of my body. I have never let out more of an immediate guttural sob scream from the depths of my being than when Phoebe Bridgers walked out on the stage, and I realized that she was playing an acoustic version of Milk. I mean... Milk???? Are you kidding?? That is one of my favorite deep cuts of theirs, I used to listen to it on repeat all through the beginning of pandemic especially, when I was going through another 75 heavy obsession phase while feeling like I was losing the will to live during the first 6 months of quarantine. God, I love that song so much and I love Phoebe so much that I truly can’t tell you how wonderful, how truly perfect of a moment this was. It’s really hard to think of anything more I could’ve wanted from this show than Phoebe Bridgers playing an acoustic cover of Milk. This is one of the memories that I can’t stop thinking about from that show... I will never get over that. 

After this transcendent 3 minutes, we went into the second half of the show and I don’t think I stopped dancing?? Even though I didn’t have as much room as when I was on the floor in pit, I loved being able to dance and really have a full view of the venue and feel more of the experience of collectivism of this concert. Seeing everyone dance in this huge place around me really was unbelievable and felt impactful in a whole different way. 

The only slight regret I had from my shows was that I never got I Always Wanna Die Sometimes... one of my favorite songs in the whole world that they were switching out... but hey, can’t catch ‘em all I guess. It still was a fucking fantastic run and I will never forget this experience. It has meant so much to me, I really can’t explain it well enough words. 

My friend Cambria is on the left and I’m on the right! 

One more outfit pic LOL I’m so lame 

Post-concert with my outfit in slight shambles... 

[silashumanities]

Manifesto of Uncontrived Beauty

Through the entirety of this semester I have subconsciously looked for beauty in all of our assignments. Similarly, I as a person tend to search for the beauty in everything. I am someone that searches for something in everything. Finding the light is what has gotten me through every dark place I’ve found myself. In the end, whether it is difficult to find or presents itself directly, every situation has some sort of opportunity to come out of it. By using this mindset, you are given leverage in life. You're given a way to always get out of whatever darkness you may have found yourself in. Knowing how to look for beauty can be applied to every aspect of life. It can be applied to the past by looking back on bad times and finding what you learned from those times. It can be applied to the present by appreciating the small things in every moment of your everyday life that most might not look for such as an extra cool rock, a fun conversation with someone new or a better-than-usual coffee in the morning. It can be applied to the future by weighing your options and predicting the paths you have and regardless of what you're likely to take- knowing the good things that will come from each choice. Instilling the mindset of “beauty can be presented in unusual ways” leads to a more fulfilling life that is less weighed down by melancholy days. It prevents you from facing days full of dread that “ nothing will get better”.

My manifesto opposes the pessimistic way of life. The mindset of finding bad in all the good. Or focusing on only bad things while the good could be cherished instead. In reality, you cannot live a life full of ignorance and pretend as though bad does not exist. Negative experiences are negative experiences. Bad days are bad days. Terrible things are terrible things. But rather than spending your time loathing these encounters and being consumed by cynical and bleak ideas- you can search under the rubble for a lesson. A meaning. A virtue.

My blog posts from the last few months are great examples of these. The majority of my writings have reflected on things that I now can say were beautiful regardless of the nature of the events. For example, in my photo collection from “photographer’s eye”, many of my images reflected the first few weeks post-hurricane Ian. While these events were tragic, even traumatizing; I grew closer to the people I loved. I made memories. My family came out stronger than before knowing he had truly weathered the storm together. I spent hours recovering at my place of work with friends while we all laughed together. We all knew we could have lost one another, so our love and appreciation grew. We knew how much more we needed to cherish our time together. Another example of this idea found in my posts is my Ekphrasis. I chose the image of “the Death of Chatterton ''. While this image displays a tragic story of a boy taking his own life from unrequited love, the beauty is unmatched. The sun rays shining through, his glowing hair and the softness his skin appears to hold makes it a hauntingly beautiful scene. His story is dreadful but his image is alluring. Another example found within my blog is my post from “Anatomy of a Scene”. One of my movie choices was “Being John Malkovich”. This movie was beyond strange. It was almost unsettling in some parts. Much of it was baffling as it made no sense, the plot was quite literally just insane. Yet. The cinematography that was used to capture such a jarring film was stunning. The hard work that was put in place to give the movie that perfect abnormal vibe is astonishing. Not only that, but knowing that someone had to create the plot was beautiful- the writer, Charlie Kaufman, has a truly incredible mind. While slightly unsettling, the film itself and the entire idea of the film is beautiful.

All in all, life is about finding the beauty in those strange or sad things. Searching for some amount of good can lift a person out of the deepest depths of hell. It is, without a doubt, a mindset to live by.

[quilleth]

Blorbo Bingo for your favorite MXTX character? :D

>:3 This is a tie between Xie Lian and Shang Qinghua (i know. you're so shocked by this information) so I did both xD Idk what to think about some of the categories but still xD

Xie Lian

Explanations and Shang Qinghua bingo under the cut because otherwise this is going to be very long and that will bother me lol

May be feral: my good dude spent an entire book going feral and burnt down a capital. like...he may have gotten over that but the potential's there xD

Can do no wrong: so a lot of the crimes were like...kind of orchestrated by someone else pulling the strings. but also Xie Lian should get to go ape shit if he wants. he's dealt with people and the heavens for 800 years.

Actually the Favorite: mine and also many characters in the book. this is not a good thing for him xD

Cryptid: the gods on his return "the fuck?! he's still around?!"

The adult in the room: specifically when around Feng Xin and Mu Qing xD

Accidental father figure: he saw Banyue and little Pei as humans and went oh these are my children now. and Lang Qianqiu. And then also took over taking care of Lang Ying

In desperate need of therapy: are they really an MXTX character if they aren't? (ok maybe some side characters don't, but not in TGCF!)

Angst machine: i'm once again just going to point to the entirety of book 4 and also anything with Jun Wu

Eats out of the garbage: this is basically just canon xD

Honorable mention: certified himbo. Xie Lian's not dumb of ass enough to actually be a himbo but he's close xD

And Shang Qinghua

May be feral: he did orchestrate the immortal alliance conference thing, and kicked lgj's ass. and successfully worked as a spy for at least a couple decades. like sure most of it was because of the system threatening to kill him again, but still!

Started out as a joke character: me at first: teehee hamster man is funny. after reading more: oh no...oh shit..i'm attached. aside from the fact i was already a little biased going in because i saw fanart of moshang before i read the book and went "yesss! the Height Difference, idiots to lovers rep we deserve" :3

Can do no wrong: he's a gremlin and i support him. also customer service and admin people should get to go ape shit every now and then. as a treat. yes i'm biased

bastard (affectionate): see above

pathetic meow meow, a soggy rat: i can't explain this one except that he's very sad and very pathetic

in desperate need of therapy: he needs some serious help with self worth, and the anxiety, and the everything from his first life/ family. and also to be blanket burritoed and given cookies and cocoa

angst machine: listen. he's funny and amusing on the surface but everything with his family and giving up on everything he wanted just to scrape by a living, and having no friends, and the (erroneous but he didn't know that at first) knowledge that the person he's closest too was going to kill him. again. like...please. i will cry

a muse sent by the gods: i have had so many fic ideas over the last year and written so much and that hasn't happened in a long time!

it's not their blood, i promise: see may be feral

relate to them maybe a little too much: oh look that one is a cynical, anxious MESS of a human being that has no idea how to be around other people because his parents fucked him up. mood. also living the height difference lifestyle ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

Chihuahua energy: he is shaking in his little booties because someone looked at him and now he's spiralling wondering what weird thing he did. or a demon threatened to eat him. or both.

honorable mention: eats out of the garbage. like...the boxes of instant ramen aren't garbage, but they're certainly not healthy xD has he had a decent meal ever in either main sv events or as an adult in his first life? possibly but not often!

[snowywrites]

Monika x Fem!reader

summary: fluffy fic of Monika and the reader on the reader's birthday.

word count: 2.4k

As far as birthdays go, this one wasn't really anything too special. Well, maybe you're being a little too cynical. After all, last year you hadn't really gotten to spend your birthday with any friends- you'd been preoccupied with getting home to watch the newest season of your favorite anime.

This year, however, Sayori had managed to get you into the Literature Club, and it had, not to be dramatic, changed your life. For better or worse, that was yet to be seen.

"Y/N, is everything okay?" Sayori asks expectantly, bright blue eyes examining you with bewilderment.

You focus back on the present, giving your friend a reassuring smile. "Yeah, sorry! Everything's great." And you aren't lying; today for the club meeting, Natsuki had brought cupcakes for everyone to share, Sayori had actually not realized what day it was and so gave you a 'birthday hug,' Yuri had given you a copy of one of her favorite horror novels as a gift, even signed by the author, and yet...

You can't help but give a very small sigh. "I just kind of miss Monika, I guess."

Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri all exchange glances in their respective chairs at one of the club tables. They then all focus on you with varying expressions: Sayori with mischief, Natsuki with exasperation, and Yuri with knowing amusement.

"What? Don't look at me like that!" You squeak defensively, feeling your face begin to heat up at what they were implying. "I only meant that it's- it's weird being at a meeting without our club president! T-That's all." Not that this could be called a meeting per se- more like a celebration between friends.

Sayori giggles at your reaction, and you hear Yuri whisper to Natsuki, "The lady doth protest too much," which elicits a snort of laughter from the pink-haired tsundere.

You groan, standing up abruptly from your seat and smoothing down your school uniform a bit, self-conscious all of a sudden. As your embarrassment dies down though, you feel a wave of affection for your fellow club members. As much as they tend to tease you about your little crush on Monika, they had made your birthday really special this year, and you were grateful. "Anyway, thank you guys again for everything! I had a lot of fun," you say earnestly, deciding it was probably time to wrap up and head home.

Sayori bounces up to join you, and you bid your farewells to Natsuki and Yuri, gathering up your things and heading out of the classroom.

Sayori glances back to make sure that Natsuki and Yuri are in fact walking away, and then she reaches out to stop you. "Uhm, Y/N...?"

You pause to look at her expectantly, unsure of why she's much less energetic now than she was a few minutes ago. "Yes?"

"I-I was actually supposed to tell you something," your best friend begins, uncharacteristically quiet. You wonder briefly why she hadn't mentioned this before... maybe she had been debating on whether or not she actually wanted to tell you whatever it is, considering how the words are practically being dragged from her at this point. "Ah, well, Monika asked me to, that is. The reason she couldn't come to the Literature Club today was because she was stuck at a meeting with the student council, but..." Sayori exhales in what could be a sigh. "She did still wanna see you for your birthday, so she hoped you could stop by there and wait for her."

You stand there in the mostly empty hall of the school, puzzled at why this news would bring such a reaction from your friend- especially when it makes you feel so fluttery inside. "Oh!" You try not to let it show, but you're fairly certain you're lighting up like a Christmas tree. "I see. Thank you for telling me, Sayori!"

As you turn to leave, you feel Sayori reach out to touch your shoulder, but she retracts her hand quickly. When you look back at her, she's her old self, giving you a big smile. "Yeah, I guess you're gonna go see her, huh? Well, I'll catch you later, Y/N!"

Before you can respond, Sayori dashes off, forgetting to wish you a happy birthday.

Well, that was weird. Then again, Sayori's been pretty off lately whenever you and Monika are involved.

The thought of the brunette is enough to make you forget all about whatever might be troubling your best friend, and you make your way through the school to the student council room with a giddy spring in your step. They must not be out yet since the halls are pretty deserted still.

You risk taking a peek through the little glass window on the door, and your hunch is confirmed. Students belonging to the council are all sitting in a circle of chairs, discussing... well, school-related business stuff. You aren't really sure what they do, exactly.

You catch sight of Monika at the head of them, naturally because she is the president, but you aren't expecting to see her with such an expression.

Usually, Monika seems to you warm, open, patient, and friendly... but here, she looks... not even bored, but more like she's utterly apathetic towards all the conversations going on around her. You've never seen her so uncaring, to the point where she seems almost irritated by the presence of everyone in the room with her.

Maybe she's having a bad day? The thought makes you a bit sad, and you find yourself wondering if she would even want to see you. Do the others in the council even realize she's so unlike herself?

As if to answer your silent question, one of the other students turns to Monika to say something, and when they do, the familiar expression you're used to your club president wearing slips back with ease onto her face. She listens attentively to whatever it is she's being told, and then she smiles and nods, commenting something you can't hear in return.

You watch the exchange, too fascinated to stop watching even if you do worry someone might notice you peeking inside for such a long minute. As soon as the student turns away from her, Monika is once again the picture of discontentment; you even notice her tapping her nails listlessly against the surface of the table they're all seated at.

The sound of the doorknob rattling causes you to leap backwards in shock, stumbling slightly over your own two feet. The meeting must be over, because someone is stepping out, and then another, and then you're hurriedly dodging out of the path of the entire student body as they file out, talking and laughing with one another as they head down the hall, eventually leaving you alone.

"Y/N?"

Looking away from their retreating figures, you face Monika and find her as she always is with you- curious emerald eyes and a friendly air about her. "Ah- hello," you greet her, trying not to sound as awkward as you feel about your... let's be honest, spying.

"I wasn't really sure that you'd show!" She exclaims, startling you with a sudden hug.

You've actually never gotten a hug from Monika, although you have a ton of hugs to compare hers to- Sayori throws herself at you pretty much daily, and hers tend to be suffocating, always too tight and lasting a bit too long.

From Monika, though? Her hug, despite making your head spin and your heart skip a beat, makes you feel so safe, secure... she's so warm and you can't help but be enamored with whatever perfume she uses.

Unfortunately, you're too stunned to return the embrace in time before Monika pulls back from you, and you could swear she has a faint blush on her cheeks. She doesn't apologize for her impromptu action, though, and you're glad for that.

"Why wouldn't I?" You ask, dumbstruck.

She studies you for a few seconds, and you get the idea that she's trying to detect if you're being serious or not. Eventually she says, "Oh, nevermind that! I am glad to see you, though. I have something I wanted to give you."

'Please refrain from saying something really stupid and cheesy like, 'the best gift you could give me is just getting to see you on my birthday,' you think to yourself. "A gift? You really didn't have to- or, I mean, you shouldn't have-! Not that I don't appreciate it, though...!" You don't typically struggle so much with your words, but you're still a little off your game after the lovely hug. It's like your mind is foggy, your tongue is twisted, and you simply can't think straight. Which isn't really new when you're around Monika, but today it's impacting you even more than normal. Maybe because you two are all alone for once, not surrounded by Sayori, Yuri, or Natsuki, or even any other students for that matter.

Monika gives a soft laugh. "I wanted to. Technically it's two somethings rather than one," she admits.

You find your mind racing as it tries to go over the potential possibilities. A book like Yuri? That would be very fitting, since you'd befriended Monika through the Literature Club.

You watch as she takes a gift box out of her bookbag, offering it to you with a sweet, "Happy birthday, Y/N."

God, you're definitely blushing. Like, fierce blushing. Either that or the school suddenly decided to turn fifty heaters on all at once. 'Geez, pull yourself together!! Act normal!' You internally berate yourself. If there had been any doubt before, it was all erased in this one instant- you were head over heels for your club president.

"Awh, thank you! It's nice of you." You accept the gift, examining it momentarily. As expected of the class star Monika, the box itself is wrapped perfectly. It's even your favorite color, with a matching ribbon tying it shut. Whether or not you're a sentimental person, you recognize that this is the sort of memento that could easily be kept for a long, long time. You glance back to your friend. "May I open it now?"

Monika nods. "Please do!"

You feel her gaze on you as you carefully untie the ribbon and open up the gift box to see what's inside.

She was right, it is more than one thing. They sort of go together though, you realize as you lift one of the presents up to admire it.

In your hand is a necklace. The chain is a light silver, and the pendant contains a pretty stone in the shape of a heart. The stone shimmers slightly as it reflects the light of the school hall.

"It's so pretty...!" You breathe.

"I'm glad, I thought it was pretty too," Monika says. She sounds calm, but when you glance at her you think she's ecstatic, but the expression is gone as soon as you blink, leaving you to wonder if it had been your imagination playing tricks on you. "It's your birthstone, did you notice?"

You hadn't noticed until she'd pointed it out, but it was indeed your birthstone. Monika is just... so very thoughtful. It's really no wonder she's so popular. "Thank you so much!!" You chirp, still somewhat surprised that she would go so far just for a birthday gift for you. You hadn't known her personally for very long, after all.

You set the necklace back down inside the box to bring out the other gift, another accessory- it's the same color as your birthstone necklace, but it actually reminds you of something else.

Yes, it's a big bow similar to Monika's own. If you were to wear it, it could even look like she and you were matching. You could just be reading too much into things, though...

"I.. love them. So much." You have an overwhelming urge to put your thoughts onto paper in order to give Monika the proper thanks that she deserves for being possibly the most generous person in existence, and because you feel like you're failing miserably at voicing just how touched you really are by these gifts. "I almost want to get you something in return...!"

Monika shakes her head in amusement. "It's your birthday, not mine." A contemplative finger rests on her chin as she adds, "Although... there is something you could do for me. If you wouldn't mind, of course."

Perplexed, you respond without giving yourself a chance to think about it. "Anything!"

You're rewarded with an affectionate smile from Monika, but it seems as though she was expecting that to be your answer.

She extends a hand for the gift box that you've already set both the bow and necklace back in, inquiring, "May I?"

Wordlessly, your intrigue piqued, you hand it back to her. She takes the bow out first, stepping closer to you.

It's not foolish of you to have been anticipating a kiss- even now you could very easily initiate one if you so chose, because of how terrifyingly close Monika is to you as she gently pulls your hair back for you, tying it back with the Y/FC bow and even brushing a stray lock of hair from your face after she does so.

While you're struggling to recover from your short-circuiting, Monika takes the necklace and places it around your neck. The brush of her fingers sends sparks of static against your skin, and you feel as if time is standing completely still, and it's just you and her in this world.

The faint click of the necklace as it clasps shut is what brings you back to reality, and all too soon Monika is stepping away from you again, still close but at a much more reasonable distance away.

She appraises your appearance and then smiles softly. "As I thought."

Is she being mysterious on purpose or does being around her just happen to kill your brain cells? "E-Eh?"

"You look lovely, Y/N."

The compliment makes you want to bury your face in your hands in the futile hopes of hiding your blush, but by now it's probably too late for that.

You stutter out your thanks, desperately trying to mend your scattered thoughts, and she once again wishes you a happy birthday, reminding you as well to bring your poetry assignment to the club meeting tomorrow.

As she's leaving, you realize you never got the chance to ask about the strange behavior she'd exhibited during the meeting with the other students.