#i may have been thinking about spider punk while drawing this one

[cinimuffin]

[strangesem]

hobie brown x shy/quiet!reader headcanons

spider-punk x reader this is not a drill

long as hell I’m so sorry

a/n: reader is mentioned as being a mom friend but imo that can be gender neutral so this can still be read by anyone!! if that makes you uncomfortable though please skip this post :)

I also imagine hobie as being 19-ish so it’s kinda implied reader lives alone but can def be read as younger!!

most people didn’t notice you at first.

you were quiet; really quiet. you’d mumble your thank you’s, whisper apologies, and generally go out of your way not to interact with people as a whole.

I feel like that gentleness/softness would almost draw hobie to you though?

he’d definitely first meet you as spider-man; saving you from some sort of robber or attacker. and then he’d see you be so shy about thanking him and apologizing as if it was your fault??? he finds it sweet but also kinda concerning for you tbh

and over time he begins to notice you more and more during his patrols; something about you just draws him in.

he definitely likes that you don’t try to tell him or others what to do lol

after talking to you enough as spider-man, and you start to open up, he begins to like you even more

you listen to some of the music he likes? your humour?? not to mention how genuine you are???

(also very useful if you happen to be a “mom friend” type who keeps first aid, candy, etc on you at all times!! he’d definitely appreciate a lollipop to help with the pressure changes while swinging around or a bandage for his cuts)

speaking of which if you ARE the type to have those things on you he may start seeking you out if/when he gets hurt

and after that even when he’s not tbh he’ll just pretend to have a headache and eat some of your candy on your couch lmao-

one time though he comes with wounds a little too serious looking for the standard wet cloth and bandaid treatment you had been used to; and it scares you

you raise your voice a bit louder than he’d ever heard, in a scared tone that was different than your normal anxious voice, and you tell him he should probably definitely go to a hospital

“but I like you so much better” he leans in a little too close, holding on to you a little too tight to keep himself steady, and you suddenly realize the reality of you situation

spider-man is in your living room. he’s bleeding a lot. and you’re the first person he thought to come to; because he likes you? not like that obviously- unless it is like that? NO. people barely even notice you, no one would ever feel like that type of thing for-

“you’re staring” you can feel the shit eating grin on his face; it’s practically burning through his mask

you stutter out an apology and after stammering around for a moment you get him to sit down and do your best to treat his injuries

you can tell the disinfectant stings by the way he flinches whenever you apply it, as well as his teasing that he “thought you were supposed to be nicer than the nurses” but he does his best to sit still and let you dress all of his wounds

you both remain still for a moment, and you think you can feel his eyes on you but you’re too scared to look up. your hands are shaking; they have been this whole time.

“that’s everywhere right? I didn’t miss something?”

he takes off his mask to look you in the eye and tell you he’s okay but you’re just like ????

:O

ANYWAYS you are once again staring bc you now know spider-man’s identity???

I feel like he’s gently hold your face and just give you a quick peck to make sure he wasn’t crossing any boundaries

but if you kiss him back? he’s NEVER stopping

he’ll start randomly crawling through your window with excuses of missing you or wanting to show you something

and soon he’s staying the night at your place or he’s swinging you over to his so you can stay with him

I think dates would definitely be super chill and more like hanging out at each others places than anything else

but if he does a show for his music he’d definitely want you there!!

he’d also probably pick you up and start swinging around the city with no warning just for the way you’ll grab on to him so tightly-

but ofc is you asked him not to he’d stop immediately!

doesn’t get super jealous or anything, he’s a pretty chill guy, but he will get sorta bothered if someone’s aggressively pursuing you even after knowing you two are together

like if someone doesn’t know and flirts with you he’s just like “yeah I’m lucky”

but if someone ever went so far to imply you should be unfaithful and/or should leave him he’d probably tell them to back off and either leave with you or put his arm around your shoulder and glare at them until they leave

either way he’s not starting any fights or anything though; he’s super comfortable in your relationship and hopes you are too

genuinely thinks you’re the most beautiful/handsome person ever like he WILL flex to the other spider-people if relationships come up

he’s really not in to pda though; he’ll put his arm around your shoulders/waist but that’s it. maybe hand holding depending on the situation.

but when you guys are alone he likes physical touch; don’t expect to be on top of each other or anything but having your/his head rested on the others lap or him just resting his hand on your leg is pretty common

he’s also not very big into gifts (he doesn’t buy into the capitalist need for abundance and all that) but he does like giving you jewellery/other wearable items bc he likes to see a reminder of himself/your relationship on you

pls make him a bracelet or something he’ll literally never take it off (also jewellery for any of his piercings is fair game)

he values small intimate things in a relationship; like painting each others nails, listening to each other rant about things you’re passionate about, etc

overall he may not be big and showy but he’s an amazing boyfriend and would love you like a lot

he’d also definitely write songs about/for you bc you’re so important to him and he wants the whole world to know that :((

I haven’t written fanfiction in forever but if anyone has any hobie requests I could write as headcanons I’m open to them!! :)

[kyri45]

✨ShadowPeach Bio Parents Bio AU Q&A! 08/10✨

Welcome to the Q&A! A space where I can answer related or similar question about the Shadowpeach Bio Parents AU! If you submitted your ask anonimously, then you’ll have to check the whole post if it’s answered here, if it’s not, worry not! Your asks might have been used for a future comic or just in the queue~

Anonimo ha chiesto: I feel like in cannon baby MK was the kind of kid to eat glue, mainly because he hatched from a rock and doesn't know what anything is.

isn’t it like how all babies are? I think I also used to eat glue

@purpleprinceblood ha chiesto: In the spicynoodles bit where you explain how Red Son was charmed by Mk's beautiful personality and kind nature (/silly), you said Mk is Demi sexual Do you have other sexuality headcanons for the cast, or is it just "they're gay for each other"?

Pan for Mei, Bi for Redson, both Wukong and Macaque are in a way pan, in the sense that they don’t really care about gender, but are only gay for each other.

@kehideni ha chiesto: Whatever happened with never drawing a background ever again? :D On a more serious note: may we know the exact relation of DBK and Chiyou(did i spell that right?)? I'm just the nosy type :3

Chiyou has 72 brothers, one of them is an ancestor of DBK

@marcusalexander ha chiesto: I have a question is spider queen in your comic, and if so, is she like a part of the team or enemy or anuite? I'm just curious since she isn't that evil. By the way, I love your comic shadowpeach parents

The AU is set after S5, so I guess she’s enemy

Anonimo ha chiesto: Macaque HAS to be doing a little happy dance in the bio parents AU that murder isn’t considered distinct from self-defense Imagine being like… a legitimate threat to the world around you, and getting put down to defend it, and then being hailed as “the less bad one” because you were killed But this also means that MK probably views himself as a murdered for killing the LBD/Azure Lion too cause again “killing in self defense/defense of others= murder

most likely MK feels super duper guilty for what he did, and will continue to be until he get some extra comfort.

@goldenthecat ha chiesto: I'm wondering, since you watch lmk do you watch other Lego shows too? Like Ninjago or friends

does having saw the ninjago movie and a 4 hours video essay recap about the first 14 season count?

@haruwashere29 ha chiesto: Did wukong put his head over macaque’s chest to hear his heartbeat? 😭😭😭

OH OK NOW WE ARE ON WITH THE ANGST. YES 100%

Anonimo ha chiesto: You said Wukong is warm , change my mind that macaque has absolutely put his cold feet straight on wukongs back while he was sleeping not just cause he was cold but because he thought it was funny

hehe he has cold feet poor boy.

@og-glitch-punk ha chiesto: I'm haunting you at thisnpoint im so sorry but your lmk comic gives ideas and thoughts bro lmao /gen SO HERES ANITHER THOUGHT... If you technically think about it, MK is basically an clone (not but words are EHHH) of Sun wukong because they came from the sane rock. But what about our spooky Macaque? We have no knowledge of how he came to be but we all may assume it's the same way with MK and Wukong. but.. BUT. If Macaque had his own stone somewhere in the shadows then what if there's an basically MK but Macaque verison? Even if not, that would be wild to think about lol

like a slightly more emo version of MK? Something like the OK KO situation?

Anonimo ha chiesto: Hello I just wanted to say I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR COMIC it's sooooo good I'm obsessed and the recent part... I have no word only emotion Even though I use Tumblr for a while I still getting use to it so.. do you know any other Shadowpeach comics? I couldn't find any 😅

mmmm @kristea9ay is doing a shadowpeach parent story that’s really cute!

Anonimo ha chiesto: I NEED to see wukong and macaque having a cute moment and accidentally touch each others tails yk? 🥺🥺🥺 (and mk quitting is a stab to the chest, i dont think there is anything worse in store... Right?... RIGHT?!)

at this point they ain’t touching the tails “accidentally” anymore these bitches are too gay I can’t anymore-

@amyrosewithoutshadow ha chiesto: I think the next one that will need Sandy is Wukong, lol I always thought about one thing, how Wukong deal with traumas and crises? We only saw him dealing with it during his sleep, but what about a daylight crises? Love your art 💞

he has a “I can do it with a broken heart”-by-taylor-Swift-masking situation.

@alizardonfire ha chiesto: I understand why MK doesn't want to be their successor mostly because I think he needs time to think about all of it. There's a lot to unpack! I love how wukongs more shocked about it. And I think macaque kinda saw it coming?

i think Mac forseen that MK would have changed his view on Wukong for sure. But he didn’t know in which way.

@siennabanana ha chiesto: HDBDJDBDHSHDV NEW HEADCANON UNLOCKED: sometimes he misses his human form but he doesn’t tell wukong and macaque bc he feels like that would be an insult to them and plus he still thinks his monkey form is cool but eughhh dysphoriaa

awwww he might be sometimes! Good thing they are starting to hang out outside FFM as well!

@blazerratbluefire-blog ha chiesto: If Wukong ever manages to be able to control his kaiju form, I could easily see Macaque's kaiju form using him as a bed, and along comes MK wanting in on the action. Then, he proceeds to lay on top of Macaque, squishing him with his kaiju and making a wholesome monkey family bonding session. With Wukonh laughing that Macaque is being squished. Just a funny thought I had.

oh my I think he would be waaayyy to big for the other two ahah

Anonimo ha chiesto: For your LMK shadowpeach AU will Ironfan be making up for all of MK's birthdays she missed? (Dropping off a mountain of presents at FFM?) (My partner joked she would give Redson in a box, not in a bow or anything just in an open box like a cat.)

she would probably make a courtnapping room for her son to gift him, and Red Son would die from embarrassment right there.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Dose macaque sometimes cook for MK and wukong since wukong tends to eat his fur/hair and macaque fonts approve of it

I think yes, he would cook probably really basics but nutrient-full meals, the few times they don’t eat noodle from pigsy shop

Anonimo ha chiesto: TCan we get Red Son and MK Angst because Red Son technology tried to kill MK a lot of times?

just bc of the AU main plot I don’t think so, also bc at this point traffic light trio are all friends with each other.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Speaking of birthdays, I assume Pigsy and Tang celebrate when MK showed up in their life or a random day when MK first asked about his birthday. Would Wukong and Macaque ask Nuwa the day he was put in the rock/broken out of it (I assume he came out and was immediately brought to Pigsy the same day but idk) or is that sort of a sore subject still, with the whole harbinger thing?

I think the best thing would be to celebrate it the day they found it!

@yuk1yun ha chiesto: Giuro che è un mese che provo a rendere il mio cosplay di mk simile alla tua au (perché anche se è semplice è stupendo), ma non so come fare le orecchie... Sono di nuovo qui per dirti quanto adoro la rua au btw :)

ADUYDJYTDY SE HAI BISOGNO DI RIFERIMENTI FAMMI SAPERE! E MANDAMI IL RISULTATO QUANDO HAI FINITO!!!!

Anonimo ha chiesto: I'm just waiting until Mk realizes the other things Wukong and Macaque did, yk like what Sun did to Redson, what Mac did to some of the monkeys all that

I think with time MK will slowly learn everything, but for example I guess now Red Son and Wukong are at truce

Anonimo ha chiesto: I'm just obsessed with your shadowpeach comics!!✨✨ But heey~ how about bai he!? l think it will be super amazing if add her in the future to this little cute monkeys family

awww baby!! I hope she went back to her family honestly! But I also hope sometimes she visits MK!

@yainmy ha chiesto: Oh gods I when I found this bio parents au I got HOOKED. I love it so much and the shenanigans and the angst are just *chef's kiss*. I have some curious questions if you don't mind me asking, but if a similar situation happens in the future like when mk got baby-fied, but instead his forms get split up (human and monkey demon) would he have that child crisis of fear "if im not this certain way they wont want me as theirs anymore", considering he is still learning about the whole monkey business? Also in a shenanigans sort of question, I don't remember how stone monkeys are made in their world but it would be hilarious if mk asked wukong and macaque that since they both are male and they technically "had" him then does that mean they can give him a sibling if they wanted? Sorry if it's to long of an ask 😅

i think MK would mostly feel a sense of loss for the fact that in a way, things should have been like this, like when he “hatched” Wukong probably would have found him if it wasn’t for the fact someone or something brought it to Pigsy shop. He would have grown up with someone who could tell him how to be a stone Monkey and teach him his power. Surely, I think Wukong wouldn’t have been as good as a parent as Pigsy, and MK doesn’t regret a bit how things actually ended up happening, but it’s a bit of a case of “sometimes I imagine how my life would have been if it went this way”

Anonimo ha chiesto: I know it's a bit out of the scope of your comic, but I'm wondering if Mei's design is just stylistic additions as if they were always there due to her dragon heritage, or if you have any ideas of scenes that took place as she grew more dragon features?

she started to grow more and more into them after she was accepted by her family sword and started to use her dragon form more and more.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Do you ever think Macaque and Wukong argue over who the little monkeys on the mountain like more? Like Im 100% sure Macaque wouldn't really care but the idea of not being the favorite bothers Wukong

the monkeys go crazy for soft fur Mamacaque. Wukong will always be pissed at this.

@snsp6 ha chiesto: do u like the hc that Mac has naturally snow-white fur? cs when u showed him wo glamours I realized that u don’t rlly color anything so I wanted to ask if it was still black or some type of mix between the two

akjdkajsbkaj I love for that shit YES. Yeah I don’t really colour my comics but yeah he cover it with glamour

Anonimo ha chiesto: I don't think MK ever really acknowledged that Wukong is a person, still a glorified deity. As mentioned MK hasn't really read the actual book and really didn't know his flawed side. MK has seen the worst parts of Macaque and still accepted him.

and now he knows about Wukong worst oarts and still accept him :D

@alistairliddell ha chiesto: What is FFM?

Flower Fruit Mountain

[impish-lion]

Tag ppl you wanna know betteeer

Tagged by: @dudettastone & @bluemouseblackpad (I'm so popular 😎)

Last song: My earworm of the day was "Up Jumped the Devil" by Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds, a comically evil song perfect for Halloween. Favorite new discovery today was "Sin In My Heart" by Siouxsie and the Banshees, it fucking rules!! I've slept on Siouxsie for way too long and I'm finally realizing she's one of the post punk greats

Favorite Color: deep forest greens are comforting beyond words.

Currently Watching: Just finished rewatching The Righteous Gemstones with my partner (it was their first time watching!), also very slowly burning through Eastbound and Down with one of my friends (hi @bluemouseblackpad , I promise I wanna get back to it). What can I say, I'm a simple man, Danny McBride makes a TV show, I love it.

Last Movie: Oh man, for the first time in a while I've actually been watching a good amount of movies again! I've been dipping into Criterion's Pre-Code Horror selection, which has been absolutely delightful. So far I've watched Murders in the Zoo and Murders in the Rue Morgue, both of which were genuinely shocking! Something about seeing a film that is so visibly a 1930s studio production, yet feels actually transgressive is so unnerving. Tonight I hosted a film club at the library I work at where we showed Wolf of Snow Hollow. I liked Thunder Road and I find Jim Cummings to be a fascinating (if sometimes grating) performer and his portrayals of tightly wound, self destructive men to be pretty raw. Here, he certainly brought a good performance, but man, is he ill equipped to wade into the Twin Peaks-y territory he ends up in here. It's still a pretty good movie, but it's always a little sad to watch a skilled director reach their limits. Also watched the new VHS with my partner, there were some good bits in there! Also one absolute dogshit one lmao

Currently Reading: I have started and stopped so many novels, it's genuinely embarrassing. What I have been actually reading though is the original Stan Lee/Steve Ditko run of Spider-Man lol. It's really fun! Peter is an over dramatic asshole who sucks at life and honestly? That's an amazing protagonist! Lee's writing is very "gee whiz" but he's unexpectedly very good at writing Peter's personal drama. Ditko's art is simultaneously amazing and totally bizarre! My favorite thing is that he keeps drawing Aunt May looking older and older, she's looking like cryptkeeper by issue 15.

Sweet/spicy/savory: hmmmmmm. Going with savory, but let it be known that spicy is within the margin of error

Relationship status: partnered up with a lovely person! We're coming up on our nine month! ❤️

Current Obsessions: Not extremely current, but Vampire Survivors took over all of my free time for a good while and I've only recently escaped its clutches lmao. I'm such a sucker for games like that, perfectly addictive formula!

Last googled: the cover for Throbbing Gristle's 20 Jazz Funk Greats (in the running for funniest ever cover)

Currently working on: freelance work for a very annoying client lol. Thinking I should do another project for myself soon and have some fun with an AMV. Oh, also looking into getting my master's?? Never thought I'd be doing that, but I can get it for free, so why not?

@criticalrolo I choose you

[restlesshearts]

zoey deutch, non binary, she+they, 28 // i think riley talman just walked by, a zoey deutch lookalike. they've been here in rocky view for about seven years, and seem to hang around on second arcade a lot. i've also seen them working at home as a freelance photographer. when asked to describe themselves they're likely to say the sound of skateboard wheels on pavement, the smell of cigarette smoke, and the glow of neon signs in the dark. 

(please note, the following contains mentions of teen pregnancy, adoption)

STATISTICS:

basics.

full name: Riley Lynn Talman

hometown: Brooklyn, New York 

age & DOB: 28 / May 9th

gender: non binary

pronouns: she/them

children: N/A

animals: a gray cat named Dorian

occupation: freelance photographer

relationship status: single

sexual orientation: pansexual

appearance.

fc: zoey deutch

hair color: brown

eye color: hazel

height: 5'4"

build: thin, fit

piercings: nose, septum, ears, naval

tattoos: too many to count. A full sleeve of Disney inspired tattoos on their left arm, a green alien face on their left ankle, a peace sign on their right ankle, and a small spider on their right wrist.

personality

positives: intuitive, charismatic, captivating, flirtatious, & driven

negatives: stubborn, sarcastic, impulsive, reckless, & impatient

personality type: ENTP

hogwarts house: Slytherin

theme song: Lullaby by Against the Current

BACKGROUND INFORMATION:

Riley never got to experience the feeling of growing up in a normal familial setting. Their mother had them at the age of sixteen and simply did not have the funds or ability to raise them. Their biological father was listed as ‘unknown’. Fortunately for them, their mother had an older half-sister that had expressed interest in adopting them at birth. 

Despite being raised as one of their own children, Riley’s aunt and uncle never hid the fact that they were adopted. They claimed that it was so that Riley never wondered why they didn’t ‘quite fit in’ with their adopted siblings. In truth, this made them feel more alienated. To make matters worse, they had to see their biological mother at family functions - a woman that they simply couldn’t connect with in any capacity.

Growing up, Riley was the ‘edgy/alternative’ kid (as their family labeled them). They were heavily into punk/pop-punk, spent most of their time at the local skate park on their skateboard, and was generally moody. They were also a very artistic teen, pouring a lot of their time into drawing, writing, and playing guitar. 

Their aunt bought them their first camera for their fourteenth birthday and from then on, they were hooked. All of their free time was spent on taking pictures. They could be landscape photography of the Brooklyn atmosphere, or silly photoshoots they put together of their friends. 

When they finally got a part time job at the age of sixteen, they began saving their money to buy a professional grade camera. They knew from a young age that they would be doing this for the rest of their life. So much so that at the age of seventeen, they dropped out of high school to pursue photography full-time. While their aunt and uncle vehemently disagreed with their decision, they supported them until they could get on their feet. 

It took around 12-18 months for them to build up enough clientele to do photography full-time, but it was so beyond worth the struggle.

At the age of twenty, they met a girl that they fell head-over-heels in love with. A person that became their muse and their everything. She convinced Riley to move with her to a small Rhode Island town, and Riley never even questioned it. 

They were happy together for a year or two before the relationship fell apart. Riley does not resent her at all, and still cares for her deeply. Despite this, they still feel a little hurt in their heart over the situation. Something that can be seen in their photography.

Now at the age of twenty-eight, Riley runs a very successful freelance photography business out of their home. They photograph everything from weddings to senior pictures and all shoots in between. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

EX-GIRLFRIEND: (the person that convinced them to move to Rocky View, though I may put in a wc for this)

FLING/FLIRATIONSHIP:

BEST FRIEND:

PARTY FRIEND:

FREQUENT MODELS: (x/2)

FRENEMY: (someone Riley loves to hate. They often butt heads but have each other’s backs when it counts.)

[honorable-wanderings]

Word of Honor - Episode 2 Part 2 - Mirror Lake has more Fire than expected

In an interesting twist of fate Zhou Zishu decides to take the nice munchkin up on his offer to crash at his place for a while.

Thumbs up my dood

----------

Now the fuck are these guys?

Oh cool. Thanks.

---------

See? Children chants are creepy! Always!

But especially when driven by plort! (plort was a typo but I’m Keeping it.)

----------

Finally people treating our man with common decency and respect! Who knew he just needed a fancy bookmark?

Oop. Nevermind

------------

I have discovered the joys of fucking with people and I’m never going back again

----------

A fuck this guy again. I’m assuming we’re not supposed to like him? But I don’t like him either way. He has no...  je ne sais quoi

He boring. Basic. Bland.

It ain’t good.

----------

Oh and also you know how you wanted us to keep tabs on Zhou ZiShu? Oh well um.. it’s going great! Great! Yeah... except for... we can’t find him.

-----------

Well if this ain’t a whole ass mood?

-----------

Midnight already? Time for the pain pins to poke me painfully!

This sure is a weird version of Cinderella

gross

----------

Okay okay so normally the 7 torture nails block your chi? I’m understanding? So you can no longer do martial arts. And he would rather die than lose all his martial arts so he put the nails in slowly so that he could still have SOME of his martial arts. But the point of the nails is still that he wants to die and feels he deserves to be punished as well? Right? So having his martial arts helps mediate the pain which lessons the punishment

and if it weren’t for the punishment aspect couldn’t he have just like... faked the nails? Or would they have been able to tell? I mean this is all dramatic and all but where are your motivations Zhou ZiShu?

work with me here

----------

Hey?! That’s not sunlight?!?

----------

Love me a good silhouette shot

----------

And suddenly everything is on fire???

----------

Rude

----------

After watching like 4 people get killed in front of him and a lot of fire and ransacking our protragonists finally thinks perhaps he should get himself involved.

----------

How is everything a fucking boomerang???

-----------

Pffffff I love it

Tunk thunk

----------

In another interesting development, the boat man from before is important?????

Also our boy is doing his best with that hat

----------

Okay I know he’s like a master of disguise and all but like he doesn’t seem to be doing much to actually... hide? Still love his wiggly sword style

----------

Um take the kid and fucking run maybe????

---------

*stalks you from a not very inconspicuous distance*

Didja miss me?

No

----------

Hate to see you leave but love to watch you go

----------

Fuck I hate being disarmed.

----------

This place looks strangely similar to the woodshed...

---------

The fuck are you?

Wouldn’t you like to know?

Yes I would. That’s why I asked

----------

There’s just nothing quite like a near death experience to bring people together.

----------

Take this kid and run!

But sir, you don’t seem to understand! I am the Best Boy! I simply cannot just leave you to die.

----------

Don’t worry kid! You can’t get in trouble anymore! Your dad is fuckin dead! Surely that’ll bring you some comfort!

----------

Random Local Boatman is surprisingly honorable and happens to be in debt to the father of the kid who was nice to you that morning.

Life sure is weird.

----------

He doing him best

---------

Though it is absolutely understandable, he reacts to being touched by that paper the way I react to walking into a spider web.

-------

Gramps is a badass

-----------

I do have to say these guys do seem to be much better trained than the usual evil henchmen. And you have to appreciate their aesthetic.

----------

Seriously!! The best boy!!!!!

This man has helped in a little bit exactly once to repay him for his own kindness an this little teenager is willing to just die for him without hesitation.

Like no, son, the two old men are doing this so that YOU live. You have it backwards.

----------

Surpriiiiise I’m stalking you too!

----------

Oh no the henchmen are falling into the drawing things out to emotionally torture their prey thing. Don’t y’all know that giving the protagonist time to recover and/or study your moves is how you die? Did you even GO to henchman school?

----------

ahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Just.. omg. The noise he made. “Dwaaah!!!”

------------

Okay kid I know you’re young and under a lot of stress and never really got into the whole martial arts training thing but grandpa is doing better than you literally laying down and covered in cuts. Just sayin

----------

Aw nuts

---------------

*ding*

Please take your protagonist out of the oven as cooktime has been completed.

----------

The fighting editing style seems to be a weird splice of nice crisp slowmotion view of the action and spliced together jump cuts and zooms that make for an odd kinda hard to follow combination. But at least I guess they tend to end on ‘cool pose x”

----------

“Hey, Beggar! You’re good at martial arts. Somehow this surprises me even though I already knew that???”

----------

Unexpected trust fall ends better than anticipated

----------

Das gaee

----------

He’s bendin’ over backwards for you!!

--------

Unexpected but definitely varied emotional investments on the fact that Gramps is dying.

----------

Look at him being all humble.

----------

Ooh he could be in a medical drama. That is the perfect like sad close your eyes and head shake no I’m sorry he’s not gonna make it. Bravo.

Very delicate.

----------

“Don’t fuckin’ touch me”

----------

I’m guilt tripping you into a found family and you’re gonna like it punk

---------

Sick dude, whats your name? Shit no one’s asked me that before somehow I’m not ready..

Uh.uh... Zhou Xu.

Nailed it.

“Zhou Xu? Naw that doesn’t sound right.”

-----------------

May you learn from this never to underestimate, rob, and otherwise harass your local old boat man for you never know when he may force you through guilt and honor into taking on a ward and a quest under penalty of being haunted by his old ass ghost forever

----------

Uncle Li has died and most of the group is much more upset about it than they would have anticipated that morning.

Poor ChenLing is having a rough day.

------------

RIP Uncle Li. So much for living a carefree couple of years lying drunk in the sun.

It looks like even now you can’t escape your responsibilities Zhou Xu.

----------------

Group of hereto-unknown men arrive in poor time to stop the bonfire

------------

“What’s wrong?” Um... maybe... fire??

------------

I say again, thank you for labeling the people I’m supposed to remember.

Also, why did y’all have to wait for orders before checking out the fuckin boats?

Y’all dumb.

---------------------

Hey, Wen KeXing, Not trying to throw off your groove or anything but maybe a funeral isn’t the best time for flirting? Perhaps? Maybe?

I know you don’t have an ‘off’ switch but maybe a pause button?

-----------------

“are you done?”

“Never.”

----------

It deadass took y’all this long to introduce yourself? You’ve been stalking him all this time and you never thought to go “btw my name Wen KeXing? Comment t’appelles tu?” Come on man

---------------

Our best boy is having his not best day. D:

Don’t worry. Your new family will stalk/care for you.

-----------------

“A-Xiang! Make some food!” “No shit Sherlock I already did.” “My ideas are the best. :D”

--------------

Eat your food!

Eat your food!

Eat your food!!

Eat your FOOD!!!

EAT YOUR FOOD!!!!

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EAT YOUR GODDAMN FOOD?

-------------

“Oh my GOD we get it you can fucking read! Oh my god.”

---------

If I prove I can read too will you pass me a damn pancake?

Fuck yeah.

----------------

GOD DAMN IT SOMEONE EAT FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK

------------

Um excuse you this group only has room for one little bitch and it ain’t fuckin you, you hear me little girl?

------------

I am very sorry. Thank you for saving my life. I would like to re-assert my status as “best boy”.

HEY WHAT THE FUCK????

-------------------

Wen KeXing: 👀

----------------------------

Please increase your friendship level before asking personal questions.

---------

Nya Nya you were useless when your home was burned to the ground and your family was killed waaaaah how pathetic are you!!

Can you fucking not?

My B.

--------------------

BEST BOY INJURED THIS IS NOT A DRILL

----------

Our Man Zhou ZiShu respects bodily autonomy!

Do not touch my fuckin’ boy or I will fight you!

-----------------

And we end the episode with Wen KeXing being horny on main!

Sir, keep it together. There are children present.

[italian-pastry]

Rambling about the Family Tree

Here’s the Family Tree!

And under the cut is all my rambling about designs or whatever! (this ended up not being about designs too much. Hm)

OK WE NEED TO BE ORGANIZED HERE I’ll be going generation by generation, from left to right. Everyone will be here, just for organization sake. Of course, some people are more important than others, so be warned for long rambles (in generation 2 especially) OK LET’S GO

Generation 1: Iida Parents: Idk man. They don’t even have designs. They’re probably cool Enji: He doesn’t deserve to be drawn well :) That and he doesn’t deserve to meet his grandkids :)) Rei: She deserves to be pretty and be a cool grandma. Her grandkids adore her. Hisashi: This mans is kinda wildin’ in my universe. Whatever he’s up to, it’s not being Inko’s husband. Inko: Soft grandma!!!!! We love her and she loves her grandkids and husband. Toshinori: He deserves to retire and settle down and be happy with his family and be adored by his gandkids. Emiko’s Father: He and Yukie got married (and Yukie got pregnant with Emiko) almost right out of highschool. He expected Yukie to give up her career to care for Emiko, but that didn’t gel with Yukie, so she divorced him when Emiko was little. Idk where he is now. Yukie: We love her. I love her. She’s super sweet and super cool and super short and that’s all you need to know. She also looks a lot like Eijirou (or, at least I tried to make them look similar) Crimson Riot: I subscribe to the Dad-Crimson theory, so here we are. After Emiko started elementary school, Yukie tried to get her career back together, but after meeting and having a thing with Crimson Riot and getting pregnant with Eijirou, she gave it up to be able to care for her kids. Nadie: An American journalist who moved to Japan for work! She and Yukie met and got married when Eijirou was 9-10. She has 3 kids from her previous marriage (that ended in disaster). Christopher Skyline: (Yes, THE Christopher “Captain Celebrity” Skyline. We’re just ignoring the Vigilantes canon over here.) Nadie’s ex-husband and the father of Hanae, Etsuko, and Suzume. He was a serial cheater, and the kids was a desperate attempt made by Nadie to try to make him stick around. Sperm Donor: Just a sperm donor. Mitsuki: Still looks SUPER young. She doesn’t like it when her grandkids call her “Grandma” or anything like that because it makes her feel old. Masaru: Loves being called “Grandpa” or whatever by his grandkids. He loves them, and likes to visit them a lot. Mika: Still quiet and chill. We love her. Kyotoku: Still loud and fun. He’s a cool dude, and he got them smile lines Beru: Her head is weird. I’m sorry queen, but it freaked me out. Ganma: He freaked me out even more. He was my least favorite to draw. Sorry bro. Uraraka’s Parents: Her dad reminds me of my dad (vaguely). They don’t have names, but they’re cool. Also, Ochako was able to get them a nice house, so good for them. Shouta: Just go look at @nartothelar‘s Silver Fox AU that was my main inspiration. He a grumpy old man who only likes his kids and grandkids and family. Hizashi: Same thing as Shouto. I like to think that all of his hair has grayed, so his hair is like Platinum Blond now.

Ok! Gen 1 done, and it was mostly me rambling about Eijirou’s parents. Maybe one day I’ll dedicate a post to them.

Generation 2: Tenya: I had him grow his hair out because 1.) I thought it was cute and 2.) it represents him loosening up a lil’ after school. He wears contacts during Hero Work, but wears his glasses casually. Tensei: Literally just the same dude. He’s Tensei and he’s chill and he’s cool. Dabi: I gave him an eyebrow piercing and a fun new cut. (Fun fact: That’s his Fantasy AU fairstyle) Fuyumi: I hope her hair looks very Teacher-y and Motherly. I think she looks super cute. Natsuo: A simple dude. He finds a cut that works and sticks with it. Although I did give him sideburns and a lil’ touch of beard. Shouta: Instead of shaving his red side, he combs the white side over it. Also, I hc that in his left eye, he’s half blind. Izuku: Yikes. He got the wound early in his hero career. He went blind in his right eye, so he and Shouta together are like 1 and 1/4 blind. Emiko: Eijirou’s older half sister. I would say she’s Girlboss and Natsuo is Malewife, and I think that’s accurate - even if only a little. She’s a social service worker, and met Natsuo in college. I had an old design before, but I like this one A LOT more Eijirou: I am a simp for long hair Eijirou, so here we are. ALSO freckles!!!! I love freckley eijirou. Also stubly beard and cool new scar. He is very dad. Hanae: The chill little sister. Probably a lawyer or professor or something smart like that. Etsuko: The crazy sister. She works in the hero field! If as hero support or as an actual pro, idk yet! Suzume: The ex-crybaby sister. She’s prolly doing something fun and artsy. Also, HUGE demigirl vibes Kane: The energetic little brother! He has most certainly gone pro, since he’s like very early 20s now. Fun Fact!: He was 6 when Mieko was born, so a lot of people thought they were siblings. It only got worse when Akio rolled around. Katsuki: hehe Undercut Bakugou. Also, hearing aids! I put his eyebrow scar there so he and his hubby are matchy matchy. Actually, both of their scars are pretty matchy matchy.... huh. Also, I’m totally not saying he was invloved in the fight that gave Izuku his scar, definitely not. Mashirao: STOP SAYING HE’S PLAIN AND ORDINARY. HE’S BEAUTIFUL DAMMIT. Every time I draw him I think about how darn pretty he is and that he could be like a KPop star or smth Tooru: It’s tooru! Super fun lil’ lady. What a queen. Mina: Look at that kick-ass scar I gave her. It’s what she deserves. Although, that eye may be a lil fucked up. Ah well, at least it looks cool. Yuuga: LOOK AT HIS HAIR. I am so happy with how it turned out! He so pretty. He and Mina are DEFINATELY Girlboss and Malewife. Hado: Also a simple lady. Prolly also needed to stick to her brand of long hair. She still super pretty tho. Lowkey disappointed I didn’t give her the stereotypical Anime-Protag’s-Mom hairstyle Haya: Completely shaved her head, and got more piercings! Like, 100% more Punk Rock. Itsuka: FRECKLES FRECKLES FRECKLES. And short hair!!!!!! Sigh, I love her. Tetsutetsu: I tried to make him look like Ejirou, even if just the face structure. I like how his hair and scar turned out tho. What a lad. Mezo: What a cool dude! Got a sick nasty scar, but covers it with his hair. I think, even with a majority of his face covered, he is still very handsome Miya: She has a name now!!!!!! What an icon. She’s a Hero Costume Designer, and she has a spider mutation. Wolf Spider, specifically (I think). She is so adorable and spunky I love her. Momo: Short hair!!!!!!1!1!1!11! God, what a goddess. We love her so so so much. Also, she gets to have a cool scar, too Kyouka: While she’s in UA, she straightens her hair, but after she graduates, she doesn’t care abt it. Momo rlly likes it curly. She also has that thing going on where you shave all of ur head except for ur bangs (and the side thingies). Oh! And eyebrow piercing! Satsuki: Pretty! Also, I made sure that all the girls who would’ve been 6-7 during the current time all had ponytails now (Satsuki, Etsuko, and Eri) Samidare: He’s super cool, and I decided to give him long hair to make him cooler. Also, Demiboy vibes, anyone? Tsuyu: A queen!!!!!! I love her so much!!!!!!! When her hair is down, it reaches to her shoulder blades. Ochako: SHE LOOKS SO BADASS I AM SO HAPPY. Look at her, with those cool scars, and that cool hair! What a queen! Mirio: Classic Mirio! Tbh, idk if I’ll give Mirio his quirk back. Like a lot of the stuff in the recent arc I’ve ignored, soooo......... Tamaki: He has SO MUCH HAIR. It ridiculous. Since growing it out, he uses it to hide behind if it’s left down. So Mirio likes to do stuff with his hair and make it look cute. Nikko helps, too! Eri: A queen!!!!!!!!!! Idk if she’ll be a Pro Hero or doctor that specializes with pro heroes, but I want her to be happy and help people! Hitoshi: Hanta and Denki weaves flowers into his hair a la Rapunzel all the time. The braid is really loose and shitty a lot of the time tho. Ah well. Denki: Because I moved his black stripe to down the center of his hair, my little sister keeps calling Denki and Race Car. And I agree. He got those scars because he was able to train himself to really not fry his brain anymore, but that means if he overloads, his electricity escapes some other way, so through his ears and into his face. Hanta: That scar was very strategically places because I am a firm believe that Sero will uncannily resemble Shouta when he gets older. I hadn’t done a really good job at that tho....... hm.

Gen 2 is done!!!!!! It was my fave generation to draw UwU. I’m not sure what to say with Gen 3, since I’ve already talked about them a lot. Jeez, idk. I’ll think about something to ramble about later.

@questionableholidayreally Tozen rlly said “I am literally just vibing ;)”

[thebibliomancer]

Archaia’s Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal Age of Resistance #4

The Quest for the Dual Glaive Part 4 of 4

The end of the first arc of the comic book prequel to the Netflix prequel!

In issue one, cool Young Ordon was sent on a quest to retrieve the legendary Dual Glaive to save the Stonewood from an Arathim swarm.

In issue two, he was reluctantly forced to accept Fara’s help after she kinda got him poisoned by an Arathim.

In issue three, Fara does all the cool things like persuading urLii the Storyteller to take them to the Glaive, bypassing all the traps, and saving Ordon when he gets caught. Ordon concedes that its good she came along.

The story picks back up with with Dual Glaive having been combined off-screen.

I get the symbolism, I do. I just don’t get why the Dual Glaive had to be in two parts if its never used separately. The test to retrieve it is set up for friendship but then its like ‘okay now one of you gets it.’

But even with the Glaive retrieved, there’s still the problem of getting back with it in time.

But Maudra Argot has an idea. But she’s coming.

Maudra Argot: “Where the Glaive goes, I go! It comes from Grottan Caves, after all, and as the Grottan clan maudra, all things within this domain are my business!”

urLii: “Except for urLii.”

Maudra Argot: “Except for urLii.”

They’re a good comedy duo too.

The shortcut back home is, as you might expect from the show, the Breath of Thra!

Well-known to the Grottan! Apparently less known to the other Gelfling.

Ordon, Fara, and Maudra Argot pop out of a tiny cave right on the periphery of Stone-in-the-Wood and find that the Arathim attack has already begun.

Gelfling are evacuating the village, things are on fire, there’s a few stabbed to death Arathim. All the classic signs of ‘barely in the nick of time.’

The dynamic duo and their cool old lady friend run into the Maudra’s Advisor who is running the evacuation. He tells Ordon that many of the Stonewood are still fighting and that another group has managed to get away to hide, including Ordon’s wife.

But Maudra Vala has been mortally wounded.

Fara gets to talk to her before Vala dies and she gets some deathbed affirmation.

Geez, poor Fara. Its a recipe for some survivor’s guilt.

Thankfully, Ordon has some affirmation of his own to give.

Ordon: “Fara... She was a valiant warrior, a compassionate leader, and a loving mother.”

Fara: “And now she’s gone... we couldn’t save her... I couldn’t save her.”

Ordon: “She died for our clan, to give them a chance. And she will rest well with Thra knowing she did her best. But our warriors, our village, they need a new light in these dark times. You are that light. When we win the battle, you will lead our clan. And I will follow.”

Accepting her new responsibility as Maudra, Fara takes up her mother’s sword.

So, when I read the first issue of this arc, I was wondering ‘wait why do we need the special legendary Dual Glaive to stop the Arathim? We have coolest guy Young Ordon’ but apparently the mashup monster version of the Ascendancy cannot be pierced by normal blades.

So after getting punked almost the entire previous issue, this looks like a job for Ordon and his sweet new sword.

The Ascendancy doesn’t think much of Ordon and sends some Arathim that would wear red if they wore shirts. Ordon makes short work of the Arathim, because he’s the coolest, but something weird happens.

The Dual Glaive absorbs goo from the wounded Arathim and they seem to crumble into dust.

The furious Ascendancy attacks Ordon and manages a few hits but Ordon makes short work of the final boss too, stabbing the Dual Glaive deep into the Ascendancy’s many-faced body.

Ordon: “You forget the power of the Stonewood clan! Like the stones we build upon, we are steadfast and strong. And we DO NOT YIELD!”

While the Dual Glaive absorbs the Ascendancy’s goo, Ordon tells the boss spider that the remaining Arathim army could do a lot of damage and even kill Ordon but not before Ordon kills the Ascendancy and not without suffering horrible losses as well.

The Ascendancy vows ‘Next time, Gadget! Next tiiiiiiiime!’ and defuses into various Arathim who scamper off.

So, that’s the Arathim Wars resolved!

Just leaves the fallout.

Ordon decides that the Dual Glaive and its power to drain the essence of living things is too dangerous for anyone to have.

... Not sure how he knows what the goo is. I wouldn’t think anyone would, yet.

Maudra Fara has the idea to give half to Maudra Argot to take back to the Caves of Grot and to shove the other half into the Crucible.

Ordon: “It will be put where none shall dare to look for it.”

*polite cough*

Maudra Fara offers to let Maudra Argot stay as long as she likes but she has her own maudra-ing to do. And she can’t leave urLii unattended for too long.

Maudra Vala’s sword is melted down in the Stonewood tradition and cast into a crown for Fara, in a really cool sequence.

And later, during the rebuilding, Ordon pulls Shoni aside and tells her what he learned from this whole adventure.

Ordon: “The Caves of Grot, the Dual Glaive... How without Fara, I may not have arrived home in time to save you. To save us all. And how even if I had, I would have failed if it weren’t for her help...”

Shoni: “A little help goes a long way, wouldn’t you say?”

Ordon: “It does. And I think, perhaps, we should see about adding another to our home to help us with our long life left ahead...”

And Shoni suggests the name Rian.

Shoni: “It’s an old Gelfling word that means ‘a little solution to a big problem.’”

Ordon: “That... sounds perfect.”

Awww!

Awwwwwwww!

So that was the Quest for the Dual Glaive!

I still think that this story happened too soon in the past for Rian to have never heard of the Dual Glaive. I could buy that he wouldn’t know where it was because Ordon didn’t want anyone to know that. You can still get a quest out of that.

Rian could have even taken the initiative like ‘this sword saved Stonewood’s bacon in the Arathim Wars and we need it again now!’

And I still don’t understand why the Dual Glaive does absorb essence, when the Scientist only accidentally discovered that the Dark Crystal could do it so why would the Heretic and Wanderer have intentionally created the Dual Glaive to do it?

Much more economically too! Scientist needs a lot more equipment to do it!

The Dual Glaive confuses me.

But the real treasure of a quest is the friends you made along the way.

I don’t really mind this comic arc’s focus on the Dual Glaive. Seeing these new sides to Ordon and Fara and meeting urLii is a much bigger draw for me!

Its nice, in a completionist way, to learn how Ordon came to jam a legendary sword into the sword graveyard. But having him grow into the idea of being a parent due to his quest is much nicer.

Since I completed the arc, I’m going to switch over to liveblogging the Shadows of the Dark Crystal YA novel for a bit. I’ve had it and its just been gathering dust.

[gilbirda]

<<Previous Chapter / Next Chapter >>

Chapter 5: Dawn

Since the incident with Roland, there where very few moments when her sister had looked so happy. In fact, Dawn couldn’t remember a time when Marianne was actually looking forward to going to school, to the point of being the first one getting out of the car.

It’s true that her older sister arrived home late a bit flustered and acted weird the night before; but today it was getting suspicious. Dawn was sure that their father couldn’t see what she could, so she took the task into her hands to investigate what was the source of her sister’s sudden change in behaviour.

Not that she was complaining, though. It was mere curiosity and, maybe, just a liiiiittle bit maybe, she wanted to do what she could to ensure that whatever it was lasted for a while. She missed her old Marianne.

Now, spying became quite the task when she was two years younger than her sister and her classes were in a different building, but in every recess and break she looked for her. She was seating in the back of her class, listening to music, every time she went to check on her. Bored, as usual, with a hand propped up on the table and her chin resting on the opened palm, her eyes wandering as she looked through the window…

No, wait. Down narrowed her eyes and looked closely. There was a difference on her sister’s stance and a little smile on her painted lips. If you weren’t watching you’d miss it, but there it was. Also, her eyes weren’t exactly wandering; they were fixed on a dark figure walking on the opposite building, which was-

The bell rang and she had to run back to her class to make it on time. She did arrive before the teacher did and sat on her place by the window, which was oriented to the inner courtyard, next to her sister’s building. The school made a big square and all the main buildings were connected by that courtyard, so you could go to any class or the Library while enjoying a nice-

Wait. Dawn narrowed her eyes and looked at the window her sister had been looking at the whole time. It was the Library! Marianne was looking at the new librarian assistant! Wasn’t she working for him the last few days?

Her spider-senses are tingling!

That’s why when lunch break finally happened (thank God or she was going to stab someone in the eye with a pencil), Dawn run to her sister and snatched her before she could run away and eat in the dark hole she usually hid when she didn’t want to socialize (usually it was under a tree in the backyard).

“Dawn? What are you doing?”

“Suddenly I have the need to get a few books!” she shouted over her shoulder, not caring if someone heard or if Marianne was tripping with her own feet the whole way.

Her words made sense when the familiar doors of the school Library stood in front of them, paralyzing Marianne as her sister did the job of opening them. Dawn was ecstatic, this was going to be soooo cool if her suspicions were true!

“Dawn?” she heard her sister’s voice, and the blonde noticed how it was slightly trembling. “What are we doing here?”

“Shhh,” the other silenced her, “be quiet. This is a Library.”

“I know! I have been working here all week!” Marianne whispered to her sister, but let her drive her body to the nearest table. Bog wasn’t in sight, but he must be there. She knew that this was his safe haven.

“Sit down here a be a good girl,” the blonde instructed and Marianne did it trying to see where this was going to go.

And like it was all planned, the tall librarian made an appearance in that exact same moment, walking out from behind a shelf and approaching the couch installed near the window. He didn’t see them, too engrossed in a book in his big hands, so the only one that could notice Marianne’s face becoming a little bit pink was Dawn.

She smirked.

“So…,” the girl whispered, leaning on the table and resting her face between her hands, her lips next to her sister’s left ear. Not that Marianne would notice - she was totally enraptured as she watched the tall man sit down and flip the page he was reading in a swift motion. “He’s the librarian?”

“Uh, yeah…,” Marianne answered without turning back to see her. Dawn was smiling like crazy. “That’s Bog.”

“Bog?”

“His name.”

“I see…” Dawn sighed and watched carefully as her sister followed every movement the librarian made, the tiny blush on her cheeks becoming more and more noticeable. “You know…,” she said after a few moments, “you’ve been staring at him all day… You look like you want to start a fight,” she casually said with a little knowing smile.

“That - That sounds like a good idea…” Marianne answered noticeably not paying attention to her. She propped one arm on the table and started biting her lower lip, an unsure expression on her face like she was internally debating if the best way to approach him was a fight or not. Knowing Marianne and her awkwardness, Dawn was more than sure that if she didn’t help her dear sister that would be the case.

This was the most fun she have had in months!

The best part was that Marianne herself didn’t seem to acknowledge her own feelings. People always took the younger sister as the airheaded one, her head full of boys and her looks, but Dawn was really clever and cunning when she wanted to. She may not have ever loved anyone but she had her fair share of crushes and she knew what she was talking about.

She looked at the man that managed to draw her sister’s attention - Bog, his name was Bog - and tried to imagine what kind of man he was to make her sister break her oath to 'never fall in love again’ so fast. Obviously it wasn’t how he looked like, Marianne wasn’t one to be attracted by looks (especially not after the Roland fiasco), so it has to be his personality. What kind of hobbies did he have? What were his dreams? Did they have a lot in common? The contrast between the man’s - Bog’s - modest clothes (a nice pair of dressing pants and a shirt buttoned all the way up with tie and everything) and her sister’s own gothic-punk fishnet tights, dark tube skirt and long sleeved gray t-shirt was painfully clear; almost like they were from completely different worlds.

She wanted to talk to this man. So that’s exactly what she did.

“Dawn? Dawn! What do you think you are doing?” Marianne furiously whispered when the blonde stood up and walked to where Bog was reading on the couch. “Come back!”

“No!” she answered back and giggled.

Once she got to the man’s position she noticed him flinch before closing the book. He had been listening to them, that was clear.

“How can I help you?” he said with a small but forced smile. His voice was deep and masculine, but soft and smooth at the same time. Dawn could hear him talk all day.

“Hi! My name is Dawn!” she waved with her hand with a little too much enthusiasm.

“And she’s my sister,” Marianne added as she walked to her sister, not really trusting her with Bog.

The man blinked slowly and put down his book, adjusting his glasses.

“Nice to meet you, Dawn.”

The girl didn’t say anything else, she just stood there with a big grin on her lips, her teeth slightly biting her lower lips, making the man sweat in his place.

He had heard the girls talking almost since they came in but was too scared to face them. At least not so soon. Last night he couldn’t get any sleep as his thoughts seemed to go back to her again and again, bringing the brief moment they had on his car when he took her home to the front of his mind. Her bright eyes, the way her skin was soft and warm to the touch…

“... and maybe I should take a book home, what do you think?” the blonde’s voice brought him back to the current conversation.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” he asked, ashamed of his behaviour.

Dawn smiled a thousand dollars smile.

“I was saying,” she started again and noticed how Bog’s eyes went back to Marianne once again. She didn’t have to look to make sure that her sister had seen it too, “that if you could recommend a book for me?”

“Do you read?” the librarian cocked his head before realising what his words implied. “I mean! I thought young people these days didn’t read anymore…”

The younger girl just laughed it off and patted the man’s arm, making him tense like he wasn’t used to it.

“Don’t worry! I got what you wanted to say! And yes, maybe you are right, haha…” Dawn patted him again and took a step back, pulling the librarian with her. “Anyways! What do you think I would like?”

“What have you read before?” he followed the girl to the nearest shelf, trying to breathe normally. Dawn was loud and shiny, and her presence consumed the whole place, making him feel slightly overwhelmed.

“I was really into fantasy books when I was little. I had some books -”

“More like you stole them from me,” Marianne scoffed and crossed her arms, ignoring the other girl’s stuck tongue.

“Whatever. You weren’t reading them.”

“You read?” Bog asked trying to drown the feeling that he was intruding into a family moment.

“I used to read a bit-”

“She was always reading!” Dawn whined. “Mom had to take the books from her hands at the table, because Marianne wouldn’t put them down for anything in the world. Not even food!”

Bog blinked and stored this piece of information.

“It wasn’t like that!” the sister complained, glancing quickly to Bog’s surprised face, tryings to act as if the pinkness in her cheeks wasn't there.

“It totally was!” Dawn made a gesture with her hands, ignoring Marianne’s outrage, and with a knowing smile on her face. This was going perfectly! The mood was flowing and they were looking at each other like… like… Well, they were watching really close what the other was doing.

Her sister had a crush on the librarian!

When did this happen? Obviously in the time they spent together for her detention; but, how did she fall so quickly? Not even when Roland she was this awkward and enraptured. But here she was, all flustered and nervous in the presence of this man.

Who knew that her dear sister liked older men? In a way it suited her - she was really mature for her age and she has had to take the reins of the house when their mother died, as their father didn't do it really good. He never had evil intent in his actions, but when you burn even cereal it's clear that you have to step down from the kitchen. It didn't help that he was always busy managing the school, Dawn thought, because Father barely had time to be there for his daughters. Neither of the siblings held it on him, but yeah, he was never there.

Not that it mattered anymore, though. They loved each other and despite Marianne’s new behaviour she knew that she loved her and it was enough for her. Maybe that’s why she felt so hyped by this development on her sister’s love life, because she felt like finally she had something to help her with. And she could keep a secret, too. She may be the school’s Queen, but she wasn’t going to be as shallow and full of gossip like everyone expected her to be.

Yeah, she was going to fight for their relationship even if it was the last thing she did!

***

“I’m so sorry about my sister,” Marianne looked down to the books on her hands, feeling really nervous under his gaze. Dawn had dragged her back to the other building so they could eat a little before classes started again, so the brunette didn’t have the time to apologize. Now, she took the opportunity as they worked.

“Don’t worry about it,” he answered, his heart doing a weird flip as he watched her blushing face. Marianne wasn’t the blushing type, and he wasn’t one those that loved shy girls, but cute kind of worked on the goth girl. “It was nice to finally meet her, though.”

“Huh?” she asked as she walked to the proper pile and put her books down.

“The teachers,” Bog made a face, not sure if it was a good idea to speak what was on his mind, “they talked about her… yesterday.”

Marianne knew what he was trying to say.

“Yeah, well. She’s the Queen. Everyone talks about the Queen.”

“Hey, don’t make that face,” Bog walked to her and flicked her forehead with his fingers, ending the scowl that was starting to form. Marianne gasped and hastily rubbed the stinging skin, glaring at the librarian.

“What was that for!”

“So you would stop thinking about stuff that doesn’t deserve your attention. The past is in the past, and the person you are now is not the Queen they decided to bring down the cowardly way.”

“I know…” she looked elsewhere, uncomfortable with the way Bog was now being all adult on her. She wasn’t used to it and after what happened last night between them it was a sharp contrast. Even if what happened could be considered “something”, she thought.

He noticed her discomfort and took a step back, sighing.

“Let’s go, we have much to do today.”

[that-shamrock-vibe]

D23 Dissect: Emma Stone Is Cruella De Vil

First of all I want to make something quite clear, this is going to be a slightly biased post for the pure and simple reason that Cruella de Vil is not only my favourite Disney Villain but in many regards I feel my spiritual mother.

That being said, I am still going to try and present a balanced view as to why I feel this is a bad idea not just in terms of casting and creative choices over the character, but also just the movie in general.

Background:

I made a post way back when in January 2016 when the announcement that a live-action origin movie based on Cruella de Vil first surfaced, however in the three and a half year time span between that announcement and this first look, nothing has been mentioned so I genuinely believed the idea had been scrapped.

Turns out it was either just shelved in favour of their big live-action remakes, because this at least can’t be a remake due to being a prequel to The Hundred and One Dalmatians, but I desperately wanted this to just be a scrapped idea, yet this is the reality we are now in.

Also to date the character of Cruella de Vil has had three live-action incarnations with Glenn Close, Victoria Smufit and Wendy Raquel Robinson all giving their own unique interpretations to the fur-loving socialite who was first introduced in the original 1958 novel by Dodie Smith and then made famous by Betty Lou Gerson in the 1961 One Hundred and One Dalmatians animated movie.

Cruella is also one of the most well known Disney Villains, she is up there in the top tier along with Maleficent, Jafar, Ursula, Captain Hook and the Evil Queen. So any re-imagining of these beloved characters will always be under a microscope to ensure that whoever is handling them is honouring the legacy of the character, just look at the reactions to the latest trailer for Maleficent: Mistress of Evil.

Disney Live-Action Renaissance:

Well it has finally happened, I strongly feel that everyone has a cut off point when it comes to franchise and brand loyalty and for me the Disney Live-Action Movies have finally reached saturation point for me.

Now again, I know that the remakes are technically a different category to the original movies, but when the movie is drawing inspiration from original material then you have to always compare because you can’t help not to.

Just to clarify, I love the live-action Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin and Maleficent and I enjoyed Dumbo, Cinderella, The Lion King and the first Alice in Wonderland. But 101 Dalmatians is the first movie to be remade for live-action back in 1996 and it was, for me, a fantastic version of the story.

Cruella:

As I said before, Cruella de Vil as a character holds a special place in my heart and has done since I can remember. So for me, this is a character that when portrayed differently to how they were when I first saw them, I just critically.

Glenn Close is the exception for me because for me she is on the same level as the original animated version and I can almost compare the two enough to see them both as the same character in the same universe.

Victoria Smurfit on Once Upon a Time was another good interpretation. I will admit when she was first introduced the fact she was an alcoholic magic-user who looked more like a drag-version of Patsy Stone than Cruella de Vil was an adjustment but I fell in love with the sadistic and cynical whit she had and her origin episode was brilliant.

Wendy Raquel Robinson is probably my least favourite interpretation to date and I understand she was not meant for a substantional role in Descendants but they turn her from the mad Devil Woman into simply the crazy dog lady. I loved Carlos and he was my favourite character possibly because I wanted to be him but Cruella herself wasn’t great.

In terms of the animated version of the character, because she was the first version I saw I guess I kind of imprinted on her but in both the animated movies and the animated series she’s simply brilliant.

Emma Stone:

Alright so Emma Stone is a marmite actress for me, but in her defence she is in a lot of either niche or marmite movies.

My favourite role of hers is still probably Gwen Stacy in The Amazing Spider-Man movies and the prospect of at the time seeing her as Spider-Gwen would have been interesting.

Her most recent movie The Favourite was a great role for her, but the movie itself isn’t too memorable. Similarly La La Land was overhyped and Zombieland I haven’t seen.

But from a completely biased judgement, Emma Stone is not the type of actress to portray Cruella de Vil.

Prominently, Emma Stone is American while Cruella is from London. now yes both Glenn Close and Betty Lou Gerson are American but put on the British sophisticate persona, but Emma Stone to me does not have that.

She tried in The Favourite, but she never made me think “Oh yes she’s perfect for Cruella”.

Cruella Origin Movie:

Now in terms of the movie, the main things we know about it firstly are what we see in the released image from D23, where first and foremost I have to say that this looks like a drag version of Cruella de Vil...but a very bad interpreted drag styling.

Why is she wearing leather? Leather may be from a cow, but Cruella de Vil is primarily known for wearing furs rather than leathers yet here she looks like a punk goth with that really heavy eye-shadow 

She doesn’t even look like Emma Stone here, genuinely she looks like Helena Bonham Carter. The only thing about this that says Cruella is the two-tone hair because nothing else from the makeup to the outfits says Cruella to me.

Also why the dalmatians, I mean obviously this could be her having captured three dalmatians to turn into a coat but you can’t tell from this photo.

Again going back to Once Upon a Time and Cruella’s origin episode “Sympathy for the De Vil” showed Cruella as a child supposedly at the mercy of her mother who was a dalmatian dog trainer, but when she’s an adult and reveals that she is in fact a villain she turns her mother’s two dalmatians into a coat.

Emma Thompson has been cast in an undisclosed role, but if she’s playing her mother or not we don’t know.

As for Jasper and Horace, aside from the dalmatians, they are my favourite thing about this image. That’s Joel Fry on the right as Jasper and Paul Walter Hauser as Horace on the left, the latter of whom looks authentic as hell aside from the moped.

This is listed as a comedy crime drama fantasy movie, I have to say I find the fact they have comedy as a listed genre for the movie rather offensive. You’re talking about the origin of a woman who hordes furs by having innocent animals like dalmatians skinned. Jasper and Horace can provide comedy fine, but the movie should not be a comedy.

Overall I have to say I am not impressed or confident with this project at all, it is possibly the first time I can safely say I am not looking forward to a Disney movie. I will still see it to judge fairly for myself rather than not seeing it and judging without evidence, but I am not happy.

So those are my thoughts of the upcoming Cruella origin movie starring Emma Stone, what do you guys think? Post your comments and check out more D23 Dissects as well as other posts.

[crystallized-iron]

MCU Masterlist

Likes and Reblogs are appreciated! So are Comments!

Chaptered Fics

A Lie to Live (AO3) [stuckony/winterironshield endgame] Magic is forbidden. Anyone discovered to be able to use it is, in a best case scenario, imprisoned. Those that realize they have the curse are forced to hide it, or suffer the consequences. However, there are some cases where they feel they must act and risk revealing themselves... while others may simply slip up.

Bite Me (AO3) [winteriron] It started with a typical snowy night at a club. When he met and kissed a stranger with cold lips, Tony had no idea just how much his life was going to be transformed.

Help Me (AO3) [winteriron, stony (stuckony undecided)] Sequel to Bite Me Newly transformed vampire Tony Stark is struggling to keep his body satisfied with blood, but even his lover Bucky can't understand why Tony is in a constant, near desperate need. Director Fury of SHIELD offers help to Tony by the name of Ho Yinsen, a man that has been studying vampires since the first appearance of Aldrich Killian and his mate Maya.

What Fury doesn't realize, is that the help is actually coming from a vampire hiding himself and his clan within SHIELD.

Promised Love (AO3) [stuckony/winterironshield] The first letter came in before Joseph’s death, and he accepted on his son’s behalf. Steve didn’t know that a marriage arrangement had been made, quickly falling for the rescued boy his father had sent back home, and upon hearing about it, considered burning the letter so he could simply be wedded to the boy once they were of age. Peggy suggested to give the promised one a chance, whoever it may be, because Joseph would do whatever he felt was best for his son.

Steve agreed.

Lost and Found (AO3 only, co-authored with LadyDarkPhoenix) [multiple relationships] Learning that Steve was HYDRA all along was just the beginning of Bucky's messy life after gaining his freedom from the organization. Upon meeting two young women, he learns that maybe he had no idea what all had been done to him after all.

So Beautiful (AO3) [stony endgame] Tony has just arrived at school, and when he finds out his roommate’s name is James, he thinks it’s James Rhodes. He wasn’t expecting a James Barnes, nor was he expecting James Barnes’ friend, Steve Rogers.

Stand Alone/Prompt Fills

Are You High? (AO3) [pre winteriron] During a party, Bucky learns that Tony isn't exactly sober.

Prompt: "Are you high?" *giggles* "Put. The cake. Down. Now." "Make me."

Bad Dreaming (AO3) [stuckony/winterironshield] Prompt: Hi, if this prompt inspires you, maybe Steve and Bucky come home from a mission and Tony’s going through a depressive episode. Lots of understanding and supportive Bucky and Steve helping Tony get through this bad time. (For the Angst request) Thank You :)

Be Who You Want To Be (AO3) [irondad and spiderson] Prompt: Darling, you can be whoever you want to be. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, I will always be proud of you. And let’s be honest, even if you are hurting people, as long as they deserve it, I don’t mind.

Comfort (AO3) [pre winteriron] It's a cold night in the tower and Bucky starts feeling bad memories creeping up on him, so he goes searching for comfort.

Prompt: "Is there a reason you're naked in my bed?"

Dangerous (AO3) [winteriron] Tony commits a horrible crime for love.

Prompt: “Whatever you feel for me is dangerous. I’m dangerous. Us, together? Dangerous.”

Did You Get My Letter? (AO3) [gen] Steve confronts Tony about the letter and why he hadn’t called.

Prompt: “Did you get my letter?” “Yes.” “Did you read it?”

Don’t (AO3) [past harley keener/peter parker] Harley returns to Earth for the first time in years with his now sister Nebula, seeking out... something for Thanos.

Prompt: “I didn’t mean to fall in love with them, it just kind of happened”

Don’t Go Where I Can’t Follow (AO3) [winteriron] Bucky was back. Tony could see him. After five years, he was back.

But they couldn't celebrate yet. They still needed to defeat Thanos once and for all.

Do You Ever Think of Them? (AO3) [clintasha] Natasha comes back from a mission and Clint decides to ask her something.

Prompt: “Do you think of them when you kiss me?”

Foot Long (AO3) [pre stony] Steve gets a little too curious about what's in Tony's pants when he discovers a box of condoms in the lab.

Goodbye (AO3) [winteriron] Tony and Bucky both learn the truth about Howard and Maria Stark, and Bucky makes a decision in the end.

Prompt: “My love is poison. You need to stay away.”

He Was... (AO3) [gen] When Tony goes to meet the Spider hero he saw on youtube, he meets the boy's aunt May Parker first... again.

I Love You Too Much (AO3) [stony] Steve catches Tony in the act.

Prompt: “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

Jail Talk (AO3) [winteriron] Bucky played along with one of Tony's drunk ideas and now they're both paying the price.

Prompt: “I can’t believe I’m sitting in a mall jail with you of all people”

Let Me Go (AO3) [gen] After the battle with Thanos, Tony is left alone with the aftermath.

Prompt: “Just let me go already. I have nothing left in this life – Let me move on.”

Lies (AO3) [Harley Keener & Peter Parker] It was a name he hadn't heard in years. A name that brought back a horrible memory.

The reason he became a hunter.

Nightmares Brought Me Here (AO3) [pre winteriron] Tony is still suffering from past events. Still shaken from a nightmare, he ends up in Barnes' room.

Prompt: “Whenever I’m near you, it feels like I’m drowning.” “Please don’t abandon me–not like everyone else.” “I need your help. I had nowhere else to go.”

No Life Here (Without You) (AO3) [gen, can be seen as stucky-ish] Prompt: Steve’s first night without Bucky when he went off to war

Not Another Night (AO3) [winteriron] Tony finds the recording of the murder of his parents and learns something about his boyfriend he wished he didn't.

Prompt: "I don't think I can spend another night in the same bed as the man/woman who ruined my life"

Rebirth (AO3) [gen] Tony recovers from Obadiah's attack.

Prompt: "I will never forgive you for this."

Should We Go? (AO3) [winteriron] Prompt: an avenger unintentionally tells “winter” that tony doesn’t want him around any more

Sleepy Movie Cuddles (AO3) [pre winteriron] Prompt: winteriron accidental snuggling

Sparring (AO3) [pre winteriron] Prompt: Tony realising he likes sassy, leggy and man bun…but only on Bucky.

Surviving (AO3) [winterion] Tony had escaped but Bucky still found him in the end.

Treats (AO3) [stucky] In the park at night, Steve was fine with just drawing with sparklers. Bucky on the other hand had another idea.

Idea: Stucky on the 4th of July, setting off fireworks and eating popcicles.

What’s Your Name? (AO3) [pre winteriron] Bucky finds quite the surprise when he goes to open the café one morning.

Prompt: ‘it’s my turn to open up the cafe today and you were sleeping under one of the tables when i came in and i don’t know what to say so i’m just sweeping awkwardly around you’ au

What Are You In For? (AO3) [pre ironhawk] When Clint is shoved into his cell, he wasn't expecting the other person in there to be so handsome.

Prompt: Meeting in prison.

What Are You Reading? (AO3) [gen] Getting bored, Bucky decides to walk around the tower.

Prompt:  “So… what are you reading?” “Just 101 ways to get out of a conversation”

What Did They Do To You? (AO3) [Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes & Charles Xavier] Charles wakes up locked in a cell after being captured, and meets a strange man that was left to guard him.

What If? (AO3) [unrequited stony] It's been a year since Tony's sacrifice to stop Thanos and Steve receives a call he never expected.

You’re a Monster (AO3) [gen, can be seen as pre ironbones]

With the reactor slowly killing him, there was no way he could escape.

Prompt: "You're a monster."

Standalone Oneshots

Mermaid Bath Bomb (AO3) [cosima romano/tony stark] He just wanted to give her a nice gift; bath bombs are pretty popular with women these days, right? Oh, but if only he knew what exactly he had ordered for her.

Stupid Punk (AO3) [stucky] Steve and Bucky are simply enjoying winter together on the evening before Christmas Eve, but as midnight passes, Steve has a surprise for Bucky.

Scenes

Howard Meets Maria [pre relationship, Howard/Maria]

Tumblr Only

Routine Inspection Words: 174 Rating: T Ship: WinterIron

Series

DUM-E’s Gifts Series

WinterIron Vampire AU Prompt Series

Bite Me Series (AO3) (Rated Explicit for Violence)

Winteriron Week 2019 (AO3)

Take Me Home (AO3) James was acting as night lookout when he spotted an unfortunate looking fellow stumbling out of the brush. Upon learning that Anthony had been taken by bandits, he agreed to escort him home.

Winteriron week 2019 prompt: First meeting

My Husband (AO3) Bucky waits outside while his lover marries another.

Winteriron week 2019 prompt: Weddings

My Soulmate (AO3) James and Anthony bond over stories of Dragons, before James learns more about the man he's fallen for.

Winteriron week 2019 prompt: Soulmates

I Want a Baby (AO3) Tony tells Bucky he wants a baby.

Winteriron week 2019 prompt: “I want a baby”

Need to Fight (AO3) Tony survived the snap that took out Thanos and his forces, but lost his arm in the process.

Winteriron week 2019 prompt: Prosthetic arms

A Promise of Death (AO3) Bucky finally catches up to Tony, and makes him a promise he intends to keep.

Winteriron week 2019 prompt: “You should shut up now”

Move in with Me (AO3) After Thanos, Avengers that were there since the beginning are retiring. Bucky tries to get Tony to do the same.

Winteriron week 2019 prompt: "Move in with me"

Bang Contributions

Captain America Reverse Big Bang (2016 - 2017) Bitter Sweet (Author: LadyDarkPhoenix | Artist: crystallized-iron) Bucky comes home from the war, finds out he has a daughter he never knew existed and now he must cope with life after the war while taking care of her.

Alternate timeline where Bucky's rescued after falling from the train, but Steve was never told and goes into the ice anyway.

Stucky Scary Bang (2017) The Soldier (Author: LadyDarkPhoenix | Artist: crystallized-iron) There’s something wrong with Bucky. Something very wrong and it may have dire consequences for his friends and loved ones.

WinterIronShield Bang (2017 - 2018) Trying (Author: crystallized-iron | Artist: lasenbyphoenix) It had been years since Steve last saw Bucky, and when his old friend suddenly appears back in town, he's ready to do what he can to help him, even if that means saying yes to a date.

There's a problem, though.

Steve's already in a relationship.

Captain America Reverse Big Bang (2017(?) - 2018) The Devil Walks In Bright Winter (Author: BigSciencyBrain | Artist: crystallized-iron) Bucky Barnes falls from a train in the Alps. What emerges from an underground bunker in a frozen wasteland is someone, or something, else.

WinterIron Reverse Bang (2018) Loving A Vampire (Author: Feelingsinwinter | Artist: crystallized-iron) In the 19th century, Tony is a greatly appreciated and skilled inspector. His dire need to find the murderers and killers to every case he is given is well known among the people and while it doesn’t always help him to get the answers he needs, at least it makes it easier to convince people to talk to him. When Mary Ann Nichols is found dead, Tony Stark doesn’t know the investigation will put his life in harm’s way, put his marriage with one James Buchanan Barnes on shaky ground and shove him in a situation he wasn’t ready to face.

When a murderer does their best to earn the name of a monster, Tony is ready to do anything to stop them.

Circuit Malfunction (Author: extremisfestark I Artist: crystallized-iron) When Tony is abandoned, broken and malfunctioning, in an alleyway, he's considering his self-destruct function. But then Bucky happens past him. Taking in a broken android likely wasn't something he was expecting, but Tony becomes more attached than he thought was possible.

Iron Man Flash Bang (2018) Is It Gone? At the end of everything, Tony checks his mark one last time.

Iron Man Big Bang (2018 - 2019) [See “Bite Me” at top]

Captain America Big Bang (202?)

[toosicktoocare]

Pro-tip for everyone: be kind always

Here you go, anon! I hope this makes your day a little better!

(Note: I've looked up chronic pain, and I saw that it can come from injury, so I'm going with that route. I apologize in advance if anything is inaccurate!)

When Peter was just two days past his twelve birthday, he and a neighborhood kid were climbing a tree in a park nearby when a wobbly branch snapped under his weight, sending him plummeting to the ground and knocking him unconscious. When he woke, he was laid up in a hospital bed with a broken leg, a broken arm, a few fractured ribs, and a concussion, all of which he was expected to make full recoveries from.

And he did recover; it took time, but with a little therapy, he was able to regain full functionality in his arm and his leg, yet despite being healed, the pain lingered in his muscles, sometimes just a breath of discomfort, but other times, a burning heat that left him seeking out help once more.

He wasn't aware that chronic pain was a thing, but when he was diagnosed with it, his world cracked, leaving him feeling broken. During recess at school, he could only watch the other kids, only able to partake in games of football or soccer sometimes if the pain relievers kicked in enough to dull the throbbing pain taking over his muscles. 

Watching hurt almost as bad at the pain clinging to his bones most days, so he took to his studies, ignoring the teasing jabs from his classmates as he spent many all-nighters-- unable to sleep some nights due to the pain-- growing his knowledge until he became one among the top of his class in high school.

The spider bite wasn't planned, sort of... But, he'd hoped that with his new, enhanced abilities that the pain would get lost among his newfound strength, but it didn't. If anything, it got worse, stemmed from how hard he's been pushing his body as the city’s new superhero.

When Tony Stark stepped into his life, Peter started to really shove the pain to the farthest part of his mind, wanting nothing more then to impress the man so he could become an avenger, and ignoring the pain worked, even in his current status of sophomore in high school, he's able to fool Tony into thinking he's perfectly fine, keeping on a bright smile when working with his mentor, promptly hiding the pain and the light cloud of sorrow that's been slowly washing over his mind, his heart, from the teasing at school.

He tells himself that it doesn't matter-- that Flash and his gang don't matter. They can tease him all they want, but despite ignoring their teasing when he limps in the hall or rubs at his arm, it still hurts, sometimes more than the chronic pain itself.

Still, he's got Ned and May, and now Tony, who sees more in him then he can see in himself, and everything's fine. If faking it until he makes it secures him a spot on the Avengers, well, then, he's just going to have to build up a high pain tolerance, something he's confident he can achieve.

However, his ‘everything is okay’ act comes to a screeching halt when Tony shows up for one of his class presentations. Peter didn't ask him to, only mentioned it to him in passing, and yet, he's at his desk, waiting for his turn to present, and Tony Stark is suddenly in the doorway, greeted with gasps and squeals that he ignores as he starts to the back of the room, stopping briefly to clap a hand to Peter's shoulder before taking a spot against the wall behind the students.

"Mr. Stark," the teacher starts. "I--What--Why--"

"I'm here to see Peter's presentation," Tony answers, blunt and straight to the point despite the second chorus of gasps to follow. "He's my intern. I need to make sure he's keeping up with his education."

Peter looks back at this, face pulled into a clear show of shock that Tony winks at as he tucks his sunglasses into his suit pocket. 

Disappearing would be in Peter’s best interest, but he can’t, so while he’s waiting for his turn to present, he sneaks his phone out. 

[To: Iron Man OMG:] Mr. Stark, what are you doing here??

It takes three minutes before he gets a reply. 

[From: Iron Man OMG:] Don’t text in class. 

Peter puts his phone away with a muted huff, and a spike of anxiety starts to swell in his chest because the pain relievers have worn off, and the pain in his leg and his arm hurts. It’s throbbing, and it’s clinging to his bones, pulsing up and down his muscles. He can’t sit still, not with the aggravating pain and not with Tony’s eyes at his back. 

It’s too much, and he wants to run, but he’s suddenly being called to the front of the class, all eyes turning toward him. 

“Peter? Did you need some help with--” 

“I got it,” Peter gripes out, ignoring the snickers from beside him as he slides out of his desk and gets to his feet. Every muscles screams in protest-- it’s worse today than it has been all week, which is typical, he thinks. But, he grits his teeth, jaw clenching, and grabs his notebook as he starts toward the front of the class. 

Within the first step, burning heat shoots up his leg, extending up to his arm, and it takes his breath away. His heart is racing, beating as if running from the swelling panic, and he limps, favoring his good leg over his bad. He has to; he wouldn’t be able to walk any other way. There’s laughing beside him, and his face is heating up, cheeks darkening to an off red against pale skin as he quickens his pace to the best of his abilities, making it to the front of the class and avoiding the sympathetic look from his teacher. 

He moves through the motions of his presentation as if on auto-pilot, never once meeting Tony’s gaze despite feeling it burning a hole in his chest. He just speaks, explains, describes, all as practiced, all with ease, until his ten minutes are up. The class applauds, as they’ve done for everyone thus far, and Peter pushes off the podium he’s been leaning on and starts toward his desk, but when he hears a jab at him, a muffled “cripple,” he doesn’t take his seat. Instead, he grabs his backpack from the back of his chair and walks out of the room as fast as he can, pushing past the fire in his leg, his shoulder, his arm, all of it just to get out of that classroom as quickly as he can. 

He can hear is teacher call out for him, even Ned, but he ignores both as he shoves the door open and starts down the hall and out of the building. He’s got his suit on under his clothes, and he sheds his shirt and jacket and jeans once he’s out of the building and hidden behind a dumpster then slips on his mask. 

He shoots web after web at building after building, swinging with is good arm off the ground and far away until he takes a spot perched on the edge of a tall apartment building.

His heart is still racing, and he digs through his backpack for his pain relievers, chugging two down with a bottle of water he keeps on hand. It always takes a bit for the medication to smooth the heat down to a cool along his bones, so he dangles his legs over the side of the building and waits. 

When Iron Man’s suit flies over to him, Peter doesn’t stir, but his heart quickens its pace, fluttering uncomfortably against his chest. 

Tony steps out of the suit and takes a seat beside Peter, and for a long time, neither says anything. However, Tony finally cracks, clearing his throat and glancing toward Peter. 

“Mask off.” 

Peter hooks his finger under his mask and slips it over his face, allowing it to fall to the ground beside him. 

“You know anytime you walk into Stark Tower, FRIDAY runs a scan?” 

Frowning, Peter looks at him. “That’s intrusive.” 

“It’s a safety protocol.” 

“Okay,” Peter draws out. “Why are you telling me this?” 

“The scans include medical information: current resting body temperature, physical status,” Tony pauses for a moment, “discomfort as a result of pain.” 

Peter’s pupils grow large as his eyes blow out wide, and he sucks in a sharp breath. “Mr. Stark--” 

“I already know about the chronic pain, kid.” 

“I’m fine, Mr. Stark,” Peter starts, words tumbling off his tongue. “I swear! It’s not that bad; I can hardly feel it half the time. My leg was just really stiff in class-- it’s really no big deal. I can still be a hero, Mr. Stark! I really can!” Peter’s heart is trying to burst from his chest, and he’s shaking along an electric jolt of anxiety. 

“I never said you couldn’t.” 

For Peter, everything slows to a stop, and he sucks in a deep breath, confusion painted across his face. “What?” 

“I never said you couldn’t be a hero. The fact that you go out every night despite hurting makes you stronger than half of these idiots I’ve got on my team.” 

“Even Captain America?” 

Tony breathes out a light laugh. “Let’s not get too crazy, kid. They’re all strong, but so are you. You’ve got a future place on our team.” 

“When--” 

“Not now,” Tony interrupts as he gets to his feet. “You’ve still got a lot of growing up to do, and we’ve got to figure out the best way to manage the chronic pain.” 

Peter’s shoulder slump, but Tony claps a hand to one shoulder and offers a comforting squeeze. 

“We’ve got time, kid. Stop pouting; don’t you have a patrol to do-- as the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man and all?”

Peter jumps to his feet, ignoring the dulled, stiff burning that comes from sudden movement, and he slips his mask over his eyes. He studies a few buildings before him before meeting Tony’s eyes. 

“Thanks for being cool about this, Mr. Stark.” 

Tony only shrugs and waves Peter off with a gruff “don’t overdo it,” and Peter nods before leaping off the building, swinging from one to the next. 

Tony stays and watches for a long moment before he pulls out his phone and presses number 2 on his speed dial, and as he expected, Happy picks up on the first ring. 

“Happy, I need you to get me a meeting with some kids and their parents from Peter’s school.” He pauses, listening. “Yeah, just some punks who need a talking to.” 

[tilltheendwilliwrite]

Once a Witch

Chapter One

For @yourtropegirl based on this Ask. Another request which got out of hand. Hope it is everything you were wanting!

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Witch!Reader  |  Word Count: 1686 Warnings: Tragic death.

August 1692, Salem Village, Massachusetts.

In the dark of the night, you were running, fleeing for your life from those who hunted you through the pitch black. The baying of hounds pierced the silence which surrounded you. Your laboured breathing and choked sobs the only other noise to break the quiet stillness.

The hysteria in the village had been growing. Good men and women had been hung after being labelled witches for worshiping the devil.

Henry had been urging you, begging you to leave. It was no longer safe to stay near the village, your quiet cottage in the woods already casting the two of you in the light of being odd. But Mary Ann had been so close to having her babe, and you knew the birth would be a difficult one. Without you there, both she and the child likely would not have survived.

So, he’d relented, and now… Henry was gone.

They had come for you in the night, come for you and Henry. Your husband, your lover. The one you had walked through hundreds of years with. While the girls in the village had raved in hysteria, thrown false accusations on innocent women, you and Henry had been what everyone was looking for.

The two of you were witches.

You’d met five hundred and seventy-two years prior on the eve of a full moon. Two powerful forces drawn together under the moonlight, born of neighbouring clans, meeting beneath the light of the goddess, and falling instantly in love.

Big, bold, and brave, he’d been a most powerful man. Skilled with sword and shield, able to move things with only a thought, and deliver a mighty blow which could fell a man with ease. But not even he had been able to escape death at the hands of a bullet.

From the village, they had come. Men bearing guns and torches, your name on their lips, shouting for your surrender. It seemed it was your turn to be accused of witchcraft.

If only they knew the truth.

And it harm none was your creed. You could do no damage with your magic, but you could protect yourself.

The spell you’d cast had been quick and would not last long. You’d hoped it had been enough for the two of you to sneak into the night, the fog and mist you’d summoned shrouding you both, but you’d been wrong.

A sharp-eyed villager had glimpsed you slipping into the forest and given chase, managing to shoot Henry in the side.

He’d grunted, stumbled, before shoving you forward, forcing you to run.

Thinking it was not as bad as it had seemed, you’d raced into the dark, the trees bending beneath your request and closing behind you, making it difficult for those following.

It wasn’t until he’d stumbled again, his breathing ragged, that you'd realized it was far worse than you’d feared.

Falling to your knees his side, you’d lit a fairy light to see by and cried out softly in dismay. Too much blood had poured down his side, soaking his pants and the ground beneath him.

“Henry, no!” you’d cried when he’d fallen over, managing to catch his head and bring it to your lap.

He’d reached up, flicking your light out. The beautiful blue of his eyes had glowed softly, his magic flaring. He’d placed his hand on your cheek, wet with his blood, and gently stroked it as he always did. “You must run.”

“Not without you!” you'd protested, but he’d knocked your hands away when you’d reached for his wound.

“It is too great. I am not long for this world.”

“No, no, no! I cannot do this without you, Henry!” You’d wanted to scream with denial, but already you could hear the men hunting for you.

“You must!”

Sobbing, biting your fist to keep the sound muffled, you’d cradled his head. “No,” you’d moaned. “Please…”

“Mo ghaol,” he’d whispered, the light in his eyes dimming. “I will not be gone forever. Our souls entwine, our hearts beat as one. I am tied to you, and to you, I will return.”

Nodding, you’d held him and said goodbye, your tears falling on his face until the beat of his heart slowed and stopped beneath your hand.

With the barking of the dogs closing in, you’d whispered a soft spell, “Unto the earth, I return your frame because the goddess calls your name. May she hold you safe and free, until the day you return to me.”

His body sank away from you into the earth, nothing more than a shell which had once housed your greatest love.

Now, running still, you came to the river and paused. Tired, heartsore, and distraught, you rested against the bark of an old maple and reached for the flicker of power inside you. It was muted now with your pain.

Plants and animals were your specialties. Your connection to nature strong, but with how much pain you were in, could you even cast the spell you needed to escape?

Pulling on your magic, you brought your fist to your lips. “Confuse the nose and blind the eye, your senses now become a lie. Return you to where once you came, for everything here smells the same.” Blowing on your fist, you let the power go, shimmering in sparkles through the air.

The baying fell to silence. The dogs milling now, confused and unsure before they picked up again, heading away from you.

Collapsing to your knees, you finally let the tears fall freely.

“Henry…” Whatever would you do without him?

***

 Present Day, New York City

Steve Rogers, the noble Captain had a secret. A big one. One no one knew about. He’d thought he’d done a pretty good job of hiding it until the fight at the airport when Spider-Man, the now known Peter Parker and a friend, had called him out on his shield, stating how it defied the laws of physics.

It did, in fact, defy the laws of physics, but not because of the metal it was made from. The vibranium had nothing to do with it. It was because Steven Grant Rogers was telekinetic.

He hadn’t always been. In the forties, when he’d been nothing more than a skinny punk, he’d had no such abilities. It wasn’t until after he’d been injected with the serum and the change had overtaken him that his power became apparent.

The first time he’d figured out something was different had been when he’d gone after Bucky and the 107th. In the forest, when he’d been assured he’d been alone, he’d practiced drawing his gun because let’s face it, he hadn’t exactly been getting in target practice when he’d been touring with the girls.

He’d been taking aim at a tree a few yards away, draw and aim, pretend to pull the trigger, when he’d gone to put his pistol away and accidentally fired it instead. Having still been focused on his target he’d been rather surprised when the bullet had not plowed into his foot, but had curved up and hit the knot in the tree dead center.

Something inside him seemed to awaken with that first incident, and when he’d been given the choice of shield by Howard, he’d taken his opportunity to select a round one, knowing he could pass off his abilities with lucky ricochets.

Too bad Peter was so observant.

Steve also had to admit he’d been a little… slack with his aim. Using his power to call the shield back even though it really should have gone off course. He didn’t know why he didn’t just come out and tell everyone he had these powers, but every time he tried his heart would beat faster, a cold sweat would break out on his body, and a place in his side would sear heat and pain as if he’d been shot. He couldn’t, however, remember ever taking a wound there.

But his unexplained pain was not why he was awake at this ungodly hour, pacing the halls of the tower as he headed to the gym where he would, hopefully, work off enough energy to go back to bed.

Wrapping his hands quickly, he began laying into a heavy bag with vigour, needing to get the stress out.

The sweat had gathered, creating a ‘v’ in the back of his shirt when a voice cleared behind him.

“Steve.”

“Tony.” Steve nodded.

Making his way across the floor, Tony leaned against the wall. “This is becoming a habit for you.”

Steve shrugged, going back to punching the bag.

“Something on your mind, Cap?”

“Nothing.”

“You sure?” Tony asked, frowning.

Sighing, Steve grabbed the swinging bag with both hands and dropped his forehead to it. “I’m having… dreams.”

“Steamy dreams?” Tony grinned.

“Disturbing ones.”

“About?”

“A woman.”

“Wait, wait, wait. How is a dream about a woman disturbing?”

“She's scared, terrified. We're running through the woods… and then I die.”

Tony’s eyes widened. “Well, that would be disturbing.”

“They feel like… it’s stupid, but they feel like… memories?”

“Maybe they are.”

Steve snorted. “Sure.”

“Hey,” Tony muttered, stepping closer, “if Asgardians are the gods of old, why can’t past lives be a real thing too?”

“Past life?”

“You know, reincarnation and shit. Maybe you used to be Cleopatra or something.”

Rolling his eyes at Tony’s smirk, Steve shook his head. “She called me Henry. Pretty sure I wasn’t an Egyptian Queen.”

“You having these dreams every night?” Tony asked.

“For the past three weeks.”

Nodding thoughtfully, Tony waved at Steve’s hands. “Get rid of that. We’ve got work to do.”

“Work?”

“Yeah. We’re going to figure out just what and where you’re dreaming of.”

“Why? What good will that do?”

Tony shrugged. “Maybe none. But maybe knowing the who and the where will be enough to let you sleep. If not… no one said you had to be here round the clock. Take a furlough. Go off and figure it out.”

***

Three hours later, and after many pots of coffee, Steve had an era and a destination.

Flopping backward on his bed, he stared at the ceiling, hoping for a few hours of sleep before getting up, packing, and heading for Salem, Massachusetts.

Next Chapter

[tessatechaitea]

Black Condor #2

The Sky Pirate is definitely an incel.

I don't want to shit on incels because people who can't get laid aren't the only jerks who turn into monsters when they can't get their way. I also don't want to make it seem like not getting laid is the worst thing that can happen to a person but have you ever not gotten laid when you really, really wanted to fuck? It's the worst! Now think about not being able to get laid for thirty to forty years. Do you think you're going to give one shit about climate change?! Of course not! That's why Sky Pirate is carbon emitting all over the fucking place on the cover! Sky Pirate doesn't need Black Condor to punch him in the face; he needs him to suck his balls. On the other hand, getting laid isn't that great, I bet.

I don't know why the guy isn't coming in his pants too.

Back in 1992, we didn't have incels. We just had guys who understood they were never going to get laid so they memorized all the stats of Fiend Folio monsters no Dungeon Master would ever use, like the achaierai or the umpleby or the tween or the snyad or the twill or the tabaxi or the qullan or the mantari or the gryph. Those are actual monsters but I probably could have just made up a bunch of nonsense words and nobody would have fucking noticed. Fiend Folio had a lot of shitty monsters. You know who wouldn't know that? Somebody who was getting laid in 1992! Something else somebody getting laid in 1992 wouldn't understand? Jerking off to the caryatid column!

I had to steal this image from the Internet because I've packed away all of my D&D manuals.

We really need legalized prostitution in this country. Also, we need to remove any negative stigma for going to a prostitute. Also we need male prostitutes that are good at sex so that women don't have to hook up with random guys who are probably terrible at sex when they want to bust whatever the female version of nuts are. Inside nuts? It's got to be tough being an incel in that even if you think you might finally get the chance to get laid, you know you're going to be awful at it and probably ruin a second chance of getting laid. Because who wants to fuck a guy whose underwear looks like the aftermath of a visit from your friendly neighborhood Spider-man when you go to pull his dick out? True story (I have to preface this story that way so that people actually think it's true even though they should realize I'm an unreliable narrator): when I finally met a woman who wanted desperately to fuck me, I obviously wasn't going to be any good at sex. I had learned to jerk off quickly in the quiet moments nobody was in the house (often to the scene in Return of the Living Dead (on VHS tape) when the punk girl dances naked on the crypt). So when this lovely and accommodating woman pulled my cock out and began kissing and sucking it, I wanted to explode immediately. But I knew I couldn't do that! I had to hold out! So I held out for like ten or fifteen seconds and, in my head, I thought, "That's good enough, right?!" Then I blew my load in her face and she was all, "Whoa. Um. Hey. What the fuck?" Actually, she wanted to fuck me so badly that she didn't care that I was almost certainly going to prematurely ejaculate every time we fucked until I finally decided I wanted to spend more time replaying Ultima IV than fucking poorly. Our sex actually did get better over time (and by "our," I obviously mean "my") but that was only because I'd come in her almost immediately and then, through pure will force rivaling that of Hal Jordan himself, I would just get hard again while trying not to let my flaccid member slip out of her. Luckily she could orgasm through penetration only because just imagine how bad I was at oral sex too! Um, that wasn't really a true story! I just have a great imagination! But then, you knew that because of all the times I mentioned being a virgin. Which was totally a lie too! I've been laid lots! And I was always great at it. Black Condor's grandfather can't get over his grandson not wanting to be a part of his old man secret society so he's sending an army of "shock troopers" out to capture him.

Has nobody told him about airplanes?

I can't stop staring at the look of pure joy on the woman's face in the panel where Black Condor is rescuing the campers. I'm actually fucking jealous of a fictional character in a drawing because how the fuck does she get to be so fucking happy?! Nearly the entire first half of this issue is dedicated to the origin of The Sky Pirate. My guess that he's an incel wasn't too far off the mark. He was a nerdy college kid working in hypersonic flight who desperately wanted to be part of the free love movement. He was eventually let in on the condition that he do all the work and earn them all the money, like how Brian was only allowed to be part of The Breakfast Club if he wrote everybody else's essays while they all hooked up. In the end, he made them all rich while he was a fugitive from the government. They did the thing all of the fucking asshole Boomers did: they gave up their ideals and convictions for wealth beyond measure at the expense of everybody else. So, twenty years later, he's returned to destroy them.

So this guy's a hero! Why is Black Condor trying to stop him on the cover?!

Black Condor is a good guy so I bet he winds up teaming up with Sky Pirate after the initial Marvel misunderstanding. I'm almost positive he does because I purchased the third issue and there's no way I would have kept reading this series if my president The Sky Pirate was beaten and tossed in jail. Even as a randy twenty-one year old spending nearly every night of the week pretending I was a grey elf named Paladine Greystoke, I was completely sympathetic to the underdogs of our fucked up capitalist society. Sky Pirate plans on stealing as much money from The Merry Men (what the asshole Boomers called themselves because they're so unimaginative they had to steal Kesey's groups' name) as he can. But to do so, he needs to use his hypersonic weapons. Black Condor's new senses are so powerful that every time Sky Pirate uses one of his gadgets, Black Condor is overwhelmed by pain. That must be why he needs to beat the shit out of Sky Pirate. It's less about justice and more about getting him to shut the fuck up. I get it! I once had a neighbor who hung up industrial sized wind chimes outside my bedroom window. And every time I snuck over to take them down, the assholes would just put them back up. They're lucky I didn't go Black Condor all over their asses and swoop in with a flurry of uppercuts! Instead I just cut out off the clapper and made the chimes impotent. Black Condor shows up and asks Sky Pirate what he's doing. Sky Pirate is all, "Fuck you. I don't have to answer to you, you nipple exposing weirdo!" And then he flies off. But Black Condor won't let it drop, albeit reluctantly! He flies after him because he's a nosy jerk. Can't he just let it drop? The noise only happened the one time. I get how terrible noises can be; I'm pretty sensitive to a lot of sounds myself (fuck every guy with an acoustic guitar, by the way). But maybe wait to see if it happens again before really confronting this guy. Also, I'm sure he has a reason for blowing a hole in a building! He told Black Condor it was personal business and it's not like Black Condor has been deputized by anybody except maybe Park Ranger Ned. I'm totally on Sky Pirate's side right now! Judging by the cover of Issue #3, Sky Pirate is going to blast Black Condor with more hypersonics and Black Condor is going to plunge into the river in a scary cliffhanger where the reader thinks Black Condor may have drowned.

Okay, I'm torn. I like Sky Pirates revenge on capitalistic Boomer shitheads. But I also empathize with Black Conder's sensitivity to noise!

Since this issue is definitely going to end how I predicted since, as I said, I'm looking at the cover of Issue #3 right now where Black Condor is emerging from the river, I bet Issue #3 sees Sky Pirate and Black Condor quickly finding common ground and working together to defeat the Merry Men. Also, I hope Sky Pirate becomes an occasional Black Condor teammate. Maybe he'll take up residence with Ned and Eileen in the Pine Barrens! And then the issue ends with Black Condor plummeting into the river. But it also ends with possibly my favorite "Next Issue Blurb" of all time!

No wonder I bought issue #3! I had to see if the sun imploded! Spoiler alert: it didn't.

Black Condor #2 Rating: A-! Holy shit! A comic book with a better than average passing grade! I must really be feeling charitable seeing as how it's my 48th birthday. Yes, that's right, assholes. I'm fucking old! But I'm still cool, right? And totally sexually active, like a mythic beast! Oh, before I go, here's the back cover because, yeesh. Put on some make-up, dudes.

I loved my Grandmother with all my heart. She was possibly the most perfect human being to ever walk this planet. She was Catholic but I'm fairly certain she practiced birth control based on the differences in age of her two (only two!) children. Her wedding picture was of her in a beautiful non-wedding dress and my grandfather in a suit standing on some spiral steps at the courthouse (not a church! She also had a church wedding photograph but mostly due to the pressure of social politics and religion (I like to believe, anyway!)). She distanced herself from the Catholic church because of the way church members treated and talked terribly about Jewish people. She was the greatest. But the only time she ever disappointed me was when Gene Simmons was on Donahue and she said, "My, that's a handsome man!"

[ethanalter]

MVPs of Horror: 'World War Z' mastermind Max Brooks rates the best zombies in pop culture

Zombies on the march in Dawn of the Dead (Photo: Everett Collection)

Once upon a time, kids were introduced to the wild, wonderful world of horror through slender volumes like the immortally terrifying Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (the version with the original Stephen Gammell artwork — not the significantly toned-down drawings glimpsed in contemporary copies). These days, they’re more likely to get their early scares from immersive experiences like Minecraft, the ubiquitous multiplatform video game that’s been a sensation since it first launched in 2009. While it may seem like an innocent adventure on the surface, there’s plenty of scary stuff to mine in Minecraft, from rivers of lava to skittering spiders to slow-moving, but still-deadly zombies.

The latter element particularly appealed to zombie expert — should we call him, zombert? — Max Brooks, who literally wrote the book on the walking dead in the form of The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z. The author recently expanded Minecraft‘s trans-media footprint by penning Minecraft: The Island, its first officially-licensed tie-in novel. Adopting a first-person perspective, the book, like the game’s Survival mode, drops the reader onto an island where they confront strange creatures, creeping starvation and the body horror that comes with suddenly being transformed into a figure made entirely of square boxes.

“There’s an element of fear to Minecraft, definitely,” Brooks tells Yahoo Entertainment. “That comes from the first time I played the game. There I was all alone, trying to survive. At first it was kind of cool, and then the sun went down and the zombies came out. I was like, ‘Great, I’m right back to where I started!'” We chatted with Brooks about the art of writing zombie horror for kids, his favorite zombie movies and where he stands on the movie version of World War Z.         

Yahoo: Minecraft: The Island could be a gateway into horror fiction for a lot of kids. Did you have that in mind as you were writing it? Max Brooks: Oh yeah. I was trying to create that feeling of being vulnerable, of being physically mortal, which is something I got in touch with earlier being a neurotic human being. I hear other people talk about the invincibility of youth, but I never had that. I think I jumped right into middle age at the age of 8. [Laughs] What I love about Minecraft is that when you play on Survival mode, there’s an element of horror that I think reflects the real world. It doesn’t matter how witty and cute and awesome you think you are: the zombies are coming for you and you’d better protect yourself. You’re also going to starve if you don’t get up off your square butt and get some food. What a great metaphor for life! What a book allows you to do is present all the sense that a video game doesn’t. Basically, all I had to do was take the horrifying scenarios of the video game and bring a more sensory experience to it.

Author and zombie expert, Max Brooks (Photo: Getty Images)

What were the first horror stories you were exposed to? For me, being dyslexic, I came to reading later in life. I wasn’t one of those young kids curled up in the corner with a Judy Blume book. That was one of the reasons I felt vulnerable; all the other kids could just sit down and do something, and I couldn’t. I grew up during the golden age of horror movies in the late ’70s and early ’80s when even the trailers were scary. I remember the trailers for movies like Jaws 2 and Silent Scream. I also remember all the faux-documentaries. Talk about fake news — we had fake news: we had In Search Of…! When Leonard Nimoy tells you that the Loch Ness monster is real, you believe him. I would get together with my friends and go, ‘Did you see In Search Of… last night? You can really spontaneously combust!'”

How about your earliest memory of seeing a zombie? I was about 12 or 13, and I was doing what all 12 or 13 boys did in the mid-’80s: trying to find boobs on TV. My parents [Hollywood legends Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft] had cable [in their bedroom] and when they would go out for dinner, I would sneak in and wait to find something. I remember seeing this movie with ridiculously gorgeous woman who was way naked, and I thought, “This was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.” What I didn’t realize is that I had accidentally wandered into an Italian cannibal zombie movie! Not even a George Romero-style zombie movie. It was hardcore, with people being torn apart and a dead woman in a wheelchair with a cat jumping out of her stomach. If that doesn’t mess you up when you’re 12 or 13, I don’t know what will. The irony is that when I saw Night of the Living Dead a few years later, that actually gave me hope. Because Romeo set down rules: those zombies aren’t invincible and you’re not guaranteed to die. There are ways to defeat them and survive — the challenge is figuring out those ways.

What’s sort of crazy is, with the exception of burning at dawn, the Minecraft zombies are a lot closer to the classic version of zombies than are in a lot of other zombie media now. What scares me about the George Romero zombies is that they’re relentless. Every other creature in Minecraft give up on chasing you after a while, but the zombies will never stop. And those are the zombies I’ve always been afraid of. Thirty years after seeing my first zombie and 10 years after writing World War Z here they are again, except they’re square. [Laughs]

(Photo: Penguin House)

If Minecraft and Minecraft: The Island proves to be a child’s first brush with zombies, where would you recommend them going next? It depends. If you’re a little kid, like 10 years old, don’t go anywhere near anything else. When you become an adolescent, I would recommend Night of the Living Dead and then jump right to Shaun of the Dead. Then, in their 20s, they should go to the original Dawn of the Dead, which is easily the greatest zombie movie ever made. The film’s social commentary is shockingly profound. It’s very rare that any artist in any time in any medium can encapsulate their entire generation journey in to one work of art, and Romero did that. As a baby boomer, he took his entire generation and encapsulated the death of their ideals and their surrender to materialism in one single movie. That fact that we could look around in the ’70s and watch the dream of the ’60s die and put that in a movie is beyond brilliant — it’s profound. I’ve always said that Dawn of the Dead should be released in a box set with Easy Rider, and it should be called: Baby Boomers: The Beginning and the End.

Is there any contemporary zombie movie that you’d put on that level in terms of social relevance? Shaun of the Dead is brilliant. What it did was encapsulate the British Gen-X culture in terms of, “What now?” Britain had centuries of empire, which then came crashing down and then they had this sort of slow, fake renaissance in the form of the swinging ’60s. They were like, “We don’t need the empire! We’ll just have free love!” It was all bull crap and they knew it, so 10 years later, they had something genuine, which was the angry punk movement. Then you had this right-wing renaissance with Thatcher, and when that went away it was the ’90s and there was this giant shrug that set in. Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg took that and put it into a zombie movie. Here’s a whole generation of young Britons who have survived all these revolutions, and they’re like, “Where do we go from here?” That was Shaun of the Dead.

Simon Pegg in Shaun of the Dead (Photo: Everett Collection)

Even that film is over 10 years old at this point. Has there been an even more recent zombie movie that rises to the level of Dawn of the Dead for you. What happened after Romero is that we got a lot of hangers-on who are not ambitious enough to try and do anything intelligent with their zombie movies. They just focus on heads being blown off. I’m hoping there’s somebody out there who is trying to do something smarter, but I haven’t seen it yet. People are just riding the wave and making a buck because zombies are popular. And that’s just the way these things work. Someone comes along with a genuine vision, and then the people who aren’t as talented and ambitious pick up on that and go, “There’s some nice coattails I can ride.” You saw that in the ’70s and ’80s. The Italian cannibal zombie movie that I saw as a kid was a coattail rider; it was literally just boobs and blood. What I worry about is that the zombie genre is so saturated, a genuine vision will get lost in the flood. It may have already happened! I’m the world’s biggest zombie fan and I literally don’t have the time or patience to wade through all the mediocrity. There may be an unbelievably brilliant piece of zombie literature or comic book or film that happened and I missed it.

Where do you stand on the eternal “slow zombies vs. fast zombies” debate? The movie version of World War Z went with the former, while your book features the latter. I’m a slow zombie guy. But then again, I’m also the world’s worst businessman! If I had any notion of how capitalism works, I’d be writing World War Z Part 2, 3, 4 and 5. I appreciate the financial incentive of the fast zombies. Let’s be honest: they’re more attractive. If you’re going to make a $300 million zombie movie that plays around the world, young people don’t have the patience to sit there and watch slow creeping dread. They want action, excitement and thrills. I don’t write for that, so fast zombies don’t do anything for me. If you’re attacked by a fast zombie, you’ll be dead before you know it. It’s having the time to imagine and worry about your death that does it for me.

Are you kept up to date on what’s going on with the World War Z sequel? I know what I see on Yahoo and that’s about it! [Laughs]

Is it hard ceding control of something you’ve created like that? It’s never easy, but at the same time you have to be a grown-up about it. The truth is that I made a conscious choice, and when I make a choice I have to accept the consequences. If I have a problem with how the movie turned out, that’s my problem, not theirs.

Did you like the movie version overall? I liked it, because it had nothing to do with my book! People always ask, “Did they ruin your book?” And I say, “No they didn’t ruin my book, they ignored it!” As a writer it was easier to watch a movie that was a complete departure versus a movie that was close, but not quite. It was actually harder for me to watch The Hobbit, because those movies were still The Hobbit, but they weren’t. It was the same characters and basic story, but the changed enough to change the basic theme and message of it. With the World War Z movie, I didn’t invent Gerry Lane [played by Brad Pitt]; he’s not my character, so he can do whatever he wants as far as I’m concerned. Once the title sequence went by, I was just watching 28 Days Later on crack.

Brad Pitt and Mireille Enos in World War Z (Photo: Everett Collection)

They did one thing in the movie that I thought was brilliant, and I wish I had thought of for the book, and that’s when that scientist accidentally shoots himself. I’m pretty familiar with firearms and firearm safety, and when it comes to the gun debate, that’s a very big deal. We don’t talk about the amount of accidental shootings in this country [that happen] because people don’t treat guns with the same respect they treat their cars. So to have this brilliant scientist accidentally keeps his finger on the trigger and shoot himself I thought was brilliant and true.

If a studio decides to use The Island as a basis for a Minecraft movie, do you hope they adapt it faithfully? When you make a conscious choice to play in someone else’s sandbox, you also have to make a conscious choice to be okay with whatever happens. I already consider myself phenomenally lucky because the game company, Mojang, didn’t mess with the book. They would have been within their legal rights to change anything they wanted, and I would have to have been okay with that. But the book you’re reading is pretty much the story I wanted to tell. So if for some reason this becomes a movie or some other medium, at least I got this right. I also made a conscious decision to stay true to the game, so I don’t see how they would mess with their own game. If they did that, they’d have bigger problems than upsetting me!

Minecraft: The Island is now available from online and retail booksellers. World War Z is available to rent or purchase on Amazon, iTunes, and YouTube.

Watch the trailer for World War Z:

Read more from Yahoo Entertainment:

MVPs of Horror: Danny Boyle discusses inspiration for speedy zombies in ’28 Days Later’

MVPs of Horror: Corey Feldman on how he used stolen ‘Gremlins’ fur to ward off bullies

MVPs of Horror: Jennifer Tilly reveals the spine-tingling, head-rattling secrets of working with Chucky

[dan-wreck]

BOWIE #2 - STARDUST MEMORIES 

Photo by Mick Rock

Oh stop groaning, you can name a piece of writing with a Woody Allen pun when the person you're writing it about is a cultural Zelig.

Soon there's going to be a whole generation where the Bowie they remember is the dead Bowie. The sanitised version who is forming in the popular imagination. Then after that there's going to be a generation who don't have a Bowie. Figuratively and literally, kids born into a post Bowie era. Pity them more. I guess how you first encountered him is a question of when you grew up and your surroundings: a guy I worked with at my last job, 20 years older than me, announced "That guy from Labyrinth is dead!". Presumably, somewhere, there's a die hard Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence fan who was mourning the death of Jack Celliers. We may never know.

For many people the Bowie they remember is Ziggy Bowie, whether they were alive to see him bringing bisexuality onto the BBC or not. Maybe this is one of the reasons behind the recent cringeworthy trend of calling him "the Starman" the same way that faux-matey twats call Paul Weller the Modfather. Maybe it's just that these people are idiots. Bowie himself didn't really seem to think of Ziggy as an enduring character or perhaps he just felt like he’d said all he could through that conduit. He laid him to rest after Aladdin Sane after all: around 42 years before he finished creating. Ziggy was really strictly speaking a footnote. The relatively anonymous figure of Major Tom, however, was one he kept returning to: after Space Oddity he came back in Ashes To Ashes, then again in Hallo Spaceboy (the Pet Shop Boys remix particularly) and then finally we see him dead in the Blackstar video.

Ashes To Ashes for instance: Major Tom is strung out in heaven's high and hitting an all time low. This, though, at a time when Bowie's cultural stock was quite high. He was incredibly cool. He was still selling a lot of records. He was the one person who could hang out in the living room of a confused and senile Bing Crosby or at a tiny punk gig and fit equally well with either. There was no point reviving Ziggy because a whole load of New Romantics and Goths were doing it. The fact that this new flock of painted birds were very inspired by him was something that'd become crushingly obvious when Bauhaus did their borderline karaoke version of Ziggy Stardust in 82. Bowie embraced his bastard children with open arms, casting them as his grim entourage in his video, with one notable exception.

Gary Numan. A huge fan who wound up getting thrown off the set of a TV show they were both on and being dismissed as the "same old thing in brand new drag" in Teenage Wildlife because our man was feeling a bit insecure about this new pretender. Which is a bit rich, really, considering that young Bowie himself was a fusion of Iggy, Newley, Scott Walker and whoever else he could latch onto. Numan was certainly no more derivative than Bowie and it wasn’t just Bowie he was drawing from: he drew as much from JG Ballard and Philip K Dick novels and John Foxx as he did from the Spider from Bromley. It’s allso amusing considering that he sings Teenage Wildlife in a voice uncannily similar to that of Billy MacKenzie, who his people had recognised the grand high art high camp potential of when they heard the Associates cover of Boys Keep Swinging and offered them a publishing deal; then later on "The midwives to history put on their bloody robes" is delivered in the voice of another Bowie acolyte, Richard Butler.

Make no mistake, Ashes to Ashes is simultaneously a high water mark, a brilliant pop record and the point where Bowie stopped being ahead of trends and started chasing them. It just so happened that a lot of these trends were started by people catching up to him. Confusing, no? In fact, this is the one point where you could maybe give some credence to the lazy critics idea of Bowie as "chameleon". Now at his best Bowie was never a chameleon. Especially when he was first Ziggy, actually because there's no way Bowie / Ziggy was blending into the background: he was an incredibly beautiful, sexually ambiguous peacock character. But during the 80s he did blend in quite a lot. He was just another one of the rank and file whether prancing about onstage with anonymous session hacks on the Glass Spider tour or just being "one of the guys" with Tin Machine. It didn't really suit him. It was unnerving. It still seemed like a costume but a very lazy one. The equivalent of Bowie turning up to the macabre Halloween coke party of 80s pop in casual clothes and saying "I came as David Jones".

So the next time we saw Major Tom in a lot of people's eyes he really was hitting an all-time low. Not everyone's, not the die-hards and not people who buy and listen to music based on what they hear, not what they're told by a music press who had been swallowed up by the sexless and jingoistic Britpop craze. See, with Outside what he'd done is released an elaborate concept album rife with pervy sexualised violence, violent sex, drugs, strange invented characters and references to obscure artists and art movements like Chris Burden (already visited in the Berlin days on Joe The Lion), Herman Nitsch and the Vienna Actionists. The visual component was a huge part of it all again, with unnerving videos like Samuel Bayer’s The Hearts Filthy Lesson. In interviews he was talking up Tricky and The Young Gods and saying how much he wanted to work with Glenn Branca. Being ahead of the curve by talking about the power of the internet as everyone thought he was nuts. He was even working extensively with Eno again.

You know - the sort of thing you want from Bowie!

This isn't what the British music press wanted. They wanted safe flag-waving and to be told what they knew to make them feel like they hadn't dumbed down to a degree which is still marring pop music with waves of Oasis clones because for a while it was acceptable to make bland drivel devoid of imagination or sensuality. They smeared Bowie's dabbling with jungle and drum'n'bass as a sad old man trying to stay in touch when in reality it was really just in continuity with him learning to play sax as a teenager because that's what all the cool jazz musicians he looked up to did, making "plastic soul" on Young Americans and welding the cold European sensibility of Low, "Heroes" and Lodger to the beating heart of the black American rhythm section of Davis, Murray and Alomar. Cultural segregation, two world wars and one world cup was what they wanted and they didn't want ageing mavericks showing up and demonstrating how hopelessly conservative they were.

A lot of the incredibly dull music being hyped up to the skies was, just like it was with the New Romantics, made by Bowie fans. So the time was right for him to come back but could he have not just have given them Ziggy again? Something with nice short songs, loud guitars, some dramatic strings. This time a bit more hetero, though, so the lads mag readers weren’t left shifting about uncomfortably again the way they were whenever they saw Richey James Edwards.

"Do you like girls or boys? It's confusing these days"

If you're not paying attention you can almost miss it but Hallo Spaceboy is, in fact, mentioning Ziggy / Bowie as much as it mentions Major Tom if not more. In those two lines we see Bowie cagily re-opening the closet door now it's safe for him to do so, and doing so on a mind-fuck of a concept album closer to the spirit of Ziggy or Diamond Dogs than almost anything he'd done since (The Thin White Duke was as much coke psychosis as an actual character). Before this the last time he was really clear about this was on Scream Like A Baby where he talked about queer bashing ("They came down on the faggots") and obliquely mentioned a gay love affair. Then let's look at the remix: it doesn't get much gayer than The Pet Shop Boys, really, does it? The Pet Shop Boys remixing a song from a polymorphously perverse album where he sings from the point of view of various genders: just listen to his alarming pitched-up Baby Grace voice or the strange androgynous Vocoderised ice queen voice of Ramona A Stone. 

Most offensively of all, though, however much you laughed at him it didn’t really work because he was very aware that it was funny. The segues between tracks were full of gallows humour and the Algeria Touchshriek voice sounds like nothing so much as Peter Cook’s E.L. Wisty character; it’s very serious stuff but as you hear Bowie intone “The screw is a tightening atrocity, I shake as the reeking flesh is as romantic as hell” in The Voyeur Of Utter Destruction (As Beauty) there’s a faint smirk under it. He is always aware of his own absurdity.

1.Outside didn't spawn any of the sequels he talked about doing but it's no surprise: artists tend to talk about at least five times as many ideas as they actually follow through and work on. There were drum'n'bass and jungle rhythms creeping in on I'm Deranged and We Prick You, some classic Bowie ballads like Strangers when We Meet (itself, like Teenage Wildlife, in the "Heroes" continuum and one of my favourite Bowie songs) and some homages to what Scott Walker was up to at the moment like The Motel or A Small Plot of Land. He wasn't setting the trends now: he was following them and the best you can hope for is that rather than trying to assimilate into it as he did in the 80s he was putting them into the Bowie blender.

This, however, misses the point that he was never that original in the first place! The way he presented his ideas was, and he had a unique singing voice but the fact is that he just had his ear to the underground and did these things to a mass audience so they just looked new. In that respect Outside is no more or less original than Low or one of the records everyone goes on about it just happens that when it came out it wasn't the first time the masses were hearing these sounds as it was when he made the second side of Low which sounds like Cluster or Harmonia. Bowie’s value wasn’t as an inventor of new sounds it was as a way of making them digestible and emotionally accessible to everyone in a way which may then allow the actual innovators (and he did always cite his sources) to break through to more success: this is quite laudable.

So then of course he went on tour with NIN, continuing to refuse to "act like a man his age". Now this raises an interesting question about Bowie's public perception. How is it that he was an old man 20 years ago when he was in his late 40's - early 50's but then when he died he was too young to go? Could it be that as rock'n'roll, still a young artform, develops that our perceptions of performers capability changes? The fact is that for a pervy old man, as he was labelled at the time, he still looked very youthful and very vital. Far sexier, far more dangerous than any of the Britpop boys who'd grown up on his music but who shuffled about in tracksuit tops and shapeless jeans. As this live TV clip shows, with Gail Ann Dorsey looking just as androgynous and unworldly as he ever did but with seemingly the minimum of effort; and Mike Garson looking deranged.

The right people were listening: Fincher saw the potential to run The Heart’s Filthy Lesson over the credits of Se7en and Lynch used I’m Deranged in Lost Highway. Both were similarly grim end of the 20th Century blues, meditations on madness. Both soundtracks, coincidentally enough, featured the work of NIN and Coil: it’s a little frustrating how close in terms of interests Bowie and Coil are, how few degrees of separation there are between these immensely influential queer occultist artists and that they never actually worked together. 

He continued in this vein with Earthling, still upsetting everyone by continuing to do what he felt like doing rather than digging up old characters. A subtle “fuck you” to the beige whitewashed sounds of Brit-pop in the cover where he wears a stained and tattered Union Jack coat as he looks out over an idealised version of England’s green (screened) and pleasant land. This on an album as infused with contemporary black music as Young Americans was. Even his huge 50th birthday show was as much of a celebration of Bowie present and looking forward as a fond look at what had been. Then, of course, "Hours" came.

Now "Hours" is perhaps an unfairly maligned album: if anyone else had put out an album with songs as great as Thursday's Child and Survive on they'd be praised to the skies and rightly so. They are moving, perfectly constructed pop songs but there's no real fire or spark of innovation in them. What little emotional impact there is has been drowned in high-tech production that covers everything in an unpleasant sheen. This is possibly as much Mark Plati and Reeves Gabrels fault as Bowie's as this is his most straightforwardly collaborative album (with every song co-credited to Gabrels) but I'm not sure. I feel like Reeves Gabrels gets unfairly criticised as he's been involved in some of the most ridiculous things Bowie has done (i.e. Tin Machine) and he appeared onstage in daft outfits playing wanky guitar solos.

He's also been involved in some of my favourite Bowie songs, however, and if you see him playing with The Cure he's not as huge a presence. He’s not jumping all over everything with fretboard tapping and lunging around waggling his tongue like Gene Simmons with a PhD: this implies that he cut such a larger than life figure because his boss wanted him to as much as anything else. So despite his persona bordering on that of a middle-aged man enthusiastically demonstrating FX pedals to you in a guitar shop, blaming him too much is misguided.

According to the excellent Pushing Ahead of the Dame blog, it was around this time Bowie started thinking about making a Ziggy Stardust film and as such he was annoyed by Velvet Goldmine's fictionalised steps into the same territory. Todd Haynes' Velvet Goldmine is an enjoyable film but I can see why he'd be so annoyed with it: it is clearly the work of a gay fan feeling betrayed by him “going back in” circa Let’s Dance. Possibly the great man was realising this wasn’t one of his best moves however well it worked at the time. After "Hours" was out and around the time of Heathen in 2002, Bowie changed his tune regarding Ziggy: “I’m running like fuck from that…Can you imagine anything uglier than a nearly 60-year-old Ziggy Stardust? I don’t think so!".

Similar ambivalence towards the idea is hinted at by the shelving of the video for the Pretty Things Are Going To Hell (itself a dual reference to The Stooges and Hunky Dory) where Bowie is menaced by huge puppets of past characters: the Pierrot from Ashes To Ashes, The Man Who Sold The World, The Thin White Duke and of course Ziggy. Maybe he judged it to be a bit on the nose.

It is an interesting change in perception we've undergone. In 1996 he was too old to be performing like he used to do but in 2013, at the age of 66, there were whispers about how great it'd be if he toured again. Not in any other industry do you expect a 66 year old man to get up onstage and dance about trying to be sexy for two or three hours a night. He could've done it like Dylan or Cohen (who only started touring again when he was much older than Bowie, true) but it wouldn't really have been his style: here was a man for who dance and mime and stagecraft had been an integral part of what made him a star. It’s still very present in his last videos and one of his final works was an honest to God musical after all.

So in the Blackstar video when we see that Major Tom is dead and at peace at last what are we to make of it? Clearing house for a whole new phase of experimentation and new ideas or a man on his last legs knowing that even if he didn't die straight after making this album he didn't have forever and was in the winter of his years? This is where we start to maybe give him too much credit. He was a man, and a great man but not a superhero. Superheroes don’t do things like release terrible covers of Iggy Pop songs with Tina Turner bolted onto them. “Ah but he only did that to keep his good friend financially solvent.”. Okay, good point.

He was a very intelligent man but not some towering inhuman intellect who could've predicted the moment Blackstar's "Something happened on the day he died, his spirit rose a metre and stepped aside" soundtracking the moment we knew we knew we knew. Maybe he predicted that it'd be a long while before somebody else took his place because things aren't set up that way. The industry has no interest in promoting bravery, the shock of the new. But he can't possibly have predicted that he was soundtracking millions of people thinking "He's gone, isn't he?" when he wrote that in remission. To think that he did is ridiculous, isn't it?

Isn't it?