#i make a lot of things for my sister 😞 i miss her

[rairoo]

oh yeah i crochet too

[vettelsdarling]

Could you please do a Charles x Schumacher!reader insta au? Where she’s a chef and they both do a soft launch. I don’t really have much of an idea but can you make it a bit long? Not like with text but just a lot of posts? I hope I’m requesting right lol

I really liked your Danny insta au

Crème De La Crème, Ma Chérie

Lissie note… I really like the idea of reader being a chef! Haven’t seen that before??? You’re giving me a lot of creative freedom and I could not be happier<3 Thanks for this!!!

Few things to note:

Reader is Mick’s twin sister, and Gina’s younger sister.

Reader is a Michelin star chef (one star)

Reader is famous (obviously)

This follows the 2022 season

Reader and Charles have been dating since the beginning of the 2021 season (1 year)

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Fem!Chef!Reader

Warnings: Some cursing, gut wrenching fluff

Here's the playlist recommendations

y/nschumacher

Liked by charles_leclerc, mickschumacher, gina_schumacher and 836,236 others

y/nschumacher Movie date and a home-cooked meal for him❤️

View all comments

mickschumacher You should invite us over for dinner soon… miss your cooking🙏

gina_schumacher Yes pleaseee!!

francisca.cgomes AHHH it looks SO GOOD😩 Where’s my share?🤨

user1 great dinner but WHO IS THAT🫣🫣🫣

user2 She’s allowed to date yk

user1 no need to be rude. I was just wondering who it was…

user3 It’s clearly a boyfriend that she doesn’t wanna reveal or something

user4 A SOFT LAUNCH???😭

user5 MOTHER NOOO😭😭😭😭

user6 Byebye… to my parasocial relationship…

user7 I haven’t seen her like this before and idk if I like it😭

user8 He never has to pay for dinner again💀💀💀

charles_leclerc

Liked by pierregasly, y/nschumacher and 1,184,339 others

charles_leclerc Tough weekend so far but we’ll improve for the next weekend.

View all comments

y/nschumacher Good luck next week!

user1 Somebody save him😭❤️

user2 y/n in the comments?

user3 She switched from Haas to Ferrari💀 Wonder what Mick has to say about that

user2 omg💀💀💀

user4 Seems suspicious…

user3 I mean, I don’t think so? She’s great friends with everyone on the track.

user5 Not Ferrari again😭😭😭 WHYYY

user6 Atp I don’t even wanna watch the races anymore😭 It’s just depression on a screen😭😭😭

user7 Ferrari is making him delusional💀 No way they’re ever gonna improve…

user8 I’m still hopeful😞🫶

user9 Tbh I’ve given up

y/nschumacher

Liked by mickschumacher, charles_leclerc and 735,229 others

y/nschumacher November dump🌅🍂 He tried to challenge my cooking. Bold move, sir… bold move.

View all comments

mickschumacher I doubt it tasted good😒

y/nschumacher It was actually really good

mickschumacher Biased.

y/nschumacher 🙄

carlossainz55 It was nice having you in the Ferrari garage for a change

Liked by y/nschumacher

gina_schumacher I miss you :/

y/nschumacher I’m coming to visit soon🫶

gina_schumacher You better

maxverstappen1 Red Bull > Ferrari

y/nschumacher No.

user1 since when did she become a Ferrari girl—

user2 wtaf is going on😭

user3 why are there so many drivers in her comments all of a sudden💀

user4 she’s soft launching. Mother is soft launching.

user5 Please leave him for me❤️

user6 No she’s leaving him for me😒

user7 Um no. She’s obviously leaving him for me🙄

user8 You’re all wrong. It’s always been me.

user9 Okay but whoever she’s dating is so lucky. Home-cooked Michelin meals? That’s literally living my dream.

user10 Ugh it’s so unfair. This guy should be ashamed he stole a national treasure

user11 I second that statement

user12 What’s with the new insta era😭 Pls post more food pics😔

wagsoff1

56,297 likes

wagsoff1 You heard it here first…

View all comments

user1 EXCUSE ME???? THIS WAS A YEAR AGO???

user2 wtaf this came out of nowhere…

user3 but where’s the proof😭

user4 It’s probably fake since there’s no proof

user5 I bet all the 13 yr olds and their parasocial relationships are disintegrating rn

user6 yeah um I won’t believe it until I see it💀

charles_leclerc

Liked by y/nschumacher and 855,970 others

charles_leclerc Drank some wine and went out for dinner for the first time in a long time😘

View all comments maxverstappen1 Wine and oysters, but you didn’t invite me…

charles_leclerc Sorry mate. Next time!

pierregasly Thanks for the date idea mate

Liked by charles_leclerc

user1 ig @ wagsoff1 was right

user2 Why am I crying

user3 This is genuinely so cute🤍

user4 His gf is so lucky

user5 WHO IS ITTTT

user6 Honestly, we should just look out for her at the paddock.

user7 We gotta wait for the next season for that…

user6 I forgot😭 I don’t want to wait so long ughhh

user8 Well, there goes my husband.

user9 Does anyone know who it is?

user10 I have an idea it’s someone we all know…

user9 Who?

user10 Dms

francisca.cgomes

Liked by y/nschumacher and 84,293 others

Tagged: y/nschumacher

View all comments

francisca.cgomes Girls night🥂🪩

y/nschumacher Same time next week?

francisca.cgomes Obviously🤍

pierregasly You cancelled date night for this?

francisca.cgomes It’s. Girls. Night.

pierregasly Understandable, have a nice day.

user1 IN LOVE WITH THIS FRIENDSHIP

user2 Me and my bestie when exam season is over:

user3 Literally

user4 Since when did they start hanging out🫣

user5 They’ve been friends for a long time, actually💀

user4 Oh okay I didn’t know😭

user5 Two pretty best friends🫶

y/nschumacher

Liked by charles_leclerc, gina_schumacher, mickschumacher and 763,298 others

Tagged: gina_schumacher

y/nschumacher I should stick to cooking… fell off so many times. How do you do it???

View all comments

gina_schumacher You’ll get there with practice!

y/nschumacher If I mount another horse, I will die.

charles_leclerc I’m sure you did great❤️

y/nschumacher I didn’t, but thank you❤️

mickschumacher Watching you fall was great entertainment

y/nschumacher At least I didn’t refuse to get on the horse😒

user1 WHAT WHAT WHATTTTT CHARLES??? THE HEARTS????

user2 wtaf this is insane😭

user3 is this their idea of a soft launch wtf😭

user4 they really just act as if it’s known💀💀

user 3 Literally💀

user5 so basically, Charles and Y/n?

user6 That explains why Charles wrote that one caption

user5 what caption?

user6 The one where he said he hadn’t been out for dinner in a long time

user5 whaaaat you’re right

user7 How did we not see this coming…

user8 I mean, they might not be dating? They could just be close friends…

user9 Nah, there’s no way

user8 You don’t know that

charles_leclerc

Liked by y/nschumacher, pierregasly, maxverstappen1 and 1,173,994 others

charles_leclerc She took me wine shopping…

View all comments y/nschumacher She looks like she knows what she’s doing

charles_leclerc I hope she knows..?

maxverstappen1 Mate, she’s a keeper.

charles_leclerc I know

user1 Charles pls😭 We all know that’s Y/n

user2 I’ve been living under a rock. What’s going on???

user3 Y/n Schumacher is a Michelin chef (and also Mick’s sister). Basically there are rumours that Charles is dating her. They haven’t confirmed it, but it’s pretty obvious by their soft launch…

user2 I was gone for a few months from social media and this is what I come back to?😭

user4 Charles has taste

user5 She’s literally a goddess

user6 Ugh he’s so lucky but she’s also lucky… idk who I want to be. Both???

user7 relatable.

charles_leclerc and y/nschumacher

Liked by mickschumacher, y/nschumacher, maxverstappen1 and 1,482,663 others

charles_leclerc I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve had so much fun with you this past year. Happy 2 years anniversary❤️ Tu es créme de la créme, ma chérie❤️

Comments have been limited

y/nschumacher Mein Süßer❤️

Liked by charles_leclerc

mickschumacher Congrats guys!

francisca.cgomes This is so cute😭❤️

gina_schumacher So happy for you guys🤍

maxverstappen1 Congrats!

pierregasly When’s the wedding?

francisca.cgomes Don’t push them like that

pierregasly Sorry.

francisca.cgomes No, I actually also want to know @ y/nschumacher🤨

y/nschumacher Wedding??! Too early… but maybe we’ll start talking over a steak dinner…

𝗥𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻...

𝘾𝙝𝙚𝙘𝙠 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙚𝙨 𝙖����𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙜𝙪𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙧��𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚!

𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

©vettelsdarling

𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗱𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗱𝗮𝗽𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝘆, 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗲, 𝗼𝗿 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺— 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻.

[dgaftilwedie]

SCOTT PILGRIM TAKES OFF WAS FUCKING NUTS AND I WANNA BE ANNOYING N TALK ABT IT BC I LOVE SCOTT PILGRIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT OBVS XD

OKAY SO??? THE FACT THAT THEY LITERALLY SET UP THE FIRST EPISODE LIKE IT WAS GONNA BE JUST LIKE THE COMICS N THEN SCOTT "DIED"????? literally had me questioning fucking EVERYTHING i was watching that episode with the most quizzical look on my face?? also the fucking funeral scene was hysterical bc the way rammy n knives were abt to have a verbal face-off n envy's bitchass shows up n steals the whole show?? i have such a love-hate relationship with her.............

also lucas lee is fucking adorable and i love him :33 rammy becoming friends with roxie n making up with her after everything was something i really needed to see. cuz like for as much as i loved the movie n the comics, i feel like they could've done their relationship so much better. like seeing ramona take responsibility for hurting roxie made me so happy and im so glad they got a redemption arc.

ROXIE IS LITERALLY ME BTW??? her whole interaction with ramona n kim at the end kf the episodr was so silly N THE LEG LOCK HELLO????? also the way she walked off singing the HAMSTER DANXE SONG I LOCE HER

the toddlace thing was also so unexpected but holy shit?? i loved it. bi todd has been my fav headcanon for YEARSSSS and seeing jt happen right in front of my eyes?? WATCHING THAT EPISODE WAS SUCH A TRIP THO I CAN'T STOP QUOTING WALLACE'S "LINES? TRAILER?" BITS BC THEY'RE SO FUNNY

uhmmmmm what elseeeee OH YEAH young neil is a fucking goof n i love him, i really like that gideon (gordon ig 🙄) became like this not evil guy who just lived with julie n kicked it with lucas. the old scott stuff kinds fricked with me but i think it's cool that he became chill with the twins

LMFAOAO THAT SCENE AT THE END WHERE SCOTT'S TRTING TK FIGJRE OIT WHY HE CAN'T KISS RAMONA N HE TRIES TO FIGHT THE TWINS AND THEY'RE LIKE "our robot says we become bros in the future, so we have no intention of fighting you. see ya bro ;)" WAS SO SILLY

obligatory matt mention i love him he's so dumb i love that he took over gideon's entire empire only to turn around and change his mind :3 glad he got his broadway moment....... silly pirate headass

knives n stephen becoming the best brother/sister duo ever was so dope bc like. knives had someone to look up to n make music with n they had a lot of chemistry both personality wise n musically wise

my only critique is that i wanted more lisa ;^; i know she probably would've been out of place but it would've been cool if kim mentioned her to ramona and ramona interviewed her just like she did with her exes yknow :P she was one of my fav characters in the comics n she wasn't in the movie AT ALL so i was hoping she would've appeared in the anime, but alas 😞😞 i also kinda wanted to see where kim's love life went...... i know she's not the focus but she had undeniable chemistry with knives and that moment with roxie... i love that she's totally very queer and open to the idea of experimenting with girls n i wish that would've been expanded upon like how todd n wallace had their moment :33

other than that, i LOVED the anime. i love how we got baited into thinking it was just like the comics and i love what was done with it :3 it was such a goofy show and a lot of it was so jaw-droppingly surprising that i couldn't believe it, but it also had some really sweet, serious, n heart-warming moments which is something i really appreciate in a show :33 it's hard to keep watching something for so long but i binged the show in one day xD i'd give it a solid 9/10 (deducting points just for the sake of what i think was missing and how i don't recommend it for like "beginner" fans)

oki rant concluded!!!!!!! ^___^ there's so much more i wanna say but this is already sooooooo long as it is xD

[starrrbakerrr]

Just reread the books as an adult and I must say as an adult it’s actually really hard to be nice about Gale. As a kid I was trying to be balanced and nice about the love triangle but as a grown adult woman I’m like “I don’t agree with your politics and also if any guy treated any of my friends the way you treat Katniss, I would stage an intervention”. And also Katniss never smiles around him 😞

I'm also doing a reread right now because I finally got hard copies of the books! It's going very slowly though lol

I really don't remember my exact feelings about Gale when I first read the books (I was in 6th-7th grade), but I don't think I ever liked him. I also remember hating how the movies emphasized the love triangle when reading the books it was obviously always Peeta.

I reread the books last March and as an adult I picked up so much about him. I think when I was young I was mostly anti-Gale because I loved Peeta/Everlark so much, but rereading as an adult I'm really able to specify what I dislike about Gale. He's just so... annoying.

On his politics, I'm actually a teeny bit sympathetic towards Gale because I don't think all the responsibility for Prim's death should be wholly on him. The severing of Katniss/Gale's relationship is so much deeper than him killing her sister. It's a plot point and dialogue that's been misinterpreted because of the movies. I think the way they presented it cheapens the story and it cheapens why Katniss ultimately chose Peeta.

Regardless, I can't help but dislike Gale. It is how he approaches his relationship with Katniss for me, and as you said how he treats Katniss. Whenever he speaks I'm annoyed. What bugs me is the entitlement he feels he has to Katniss. And some things he says give me the ick.

Knowing there’s people legitimately ship Everthorne is wild to me like 😭

Thanks for the ask!

(below is a tangent on the anti-Gale rhetoric. It’s a defense of one moment I think his hate is a bit too unreasonable so read with caution i guess)

I saw someone say on Twitter that Gale should be vilified for saying that killing people isn't much different than killing animals, and I think that person missed the point of that part in the book. And as some who likes literary analysis outside of my personal feelings for characters and ships, I kinda love that Suzanne wrote this. The dialogue:

“Katniss, it’s just hunting. You’re the best hunter I know,” says Gale. “It’s not just hunting. They’re armed. They think,” I say. “So do you. And you’ve had more practice. Real practice,” he says. “You know how to kill.” “Not people,” I say. “How different can it be, really?” says Gale grimly. The awful thing is that if I can forget they’re people, it will be no different at all.

In the movie, the line sounds brutal and violent and I think part of it could be delivery. In the book, to me, Gale doesn’t say that with confidence or with the belief that humans are dispensable, but “grimly.” And in the movie we don’t get Katniss’s inner thought that even though what Gale said was callous it’s valid because this is the world they're living in - a world that is violent and where Capitol citizens don’t see children as anything other then prey. These characters are extremely desensitized to violence and death. In Catching Fire, Peeta and Katniss curl up on the couch with a mug of warm milk to watch Haymitch's games like it’s a movie.

I think there are a lot of moments to dislike or have distaste for Gale, because I have many. But some of his hate goes overboard and people mostly on twitter and tiktok bc they see the movies as canon solely put the blame on an 18 y/o with immense trauma instead of the adult leaders who have never experienced life like him - Coin is from D13, Plutarch and Snow are from the Capitol.

And to call Gale worse than Snow and to excuse a lot of Snow’s actions, even making shit up about Snow like he cared and gave genuine condolences to Katniss about Prim, or say he didn’t murder Lucy Gray as a defense against Billy Taupe like the murder attempt isn’t just as bad, is seriously gross. I’m kinda glad tbosas and hunger games hype has died down on Twitter because the takes were increasingly getting worse and more illogical.

[unpopularvivian]

My Ttte Designs (Toby):

Headcanons:

Shy, gentle, nervous but wise and extremely caring towards others. Is one of Sodor's oldest but finest engines.

He and Henrietta are married for 30 years while he and Edward are married for 10 years.

Disrespect one of his loved ones, especially if it's Henrietta, and he'll sent you to your grave.

Has a super close bond with the humans of Sodor and sees them as this one, big, loving family.

Even though he's prone to panic in certain situations, he has the patience of a god and is very good at handling emotional problems. His compassion and empathy makes him very popular with engines and Sudrians.

Loves jazz, romantic music and electro swing.

Is the Harold Hutchins to Gordon's George Beard and they're best friends because I said so. He acts like the heart of the duo while Gordon acts like the brains. These two will do anything from becoming wingmen for each other to trying to figure how to use the internet.

He doesn't have too many people that he hates but if you manage to be one of those people; Then congrats! You're officially one of the worst people to ever live on earth!

Bisexual and transgender (Ftm). Has top surgery and his scars are kinda faded. Scars are double incision and are curved. (I swear, if ya'll are ever drawing him shirtless and you incorrectly draw his top surgery scars, I am going to break into your house and break all of your limbs-)

Street-stupid as fuck and doesn't understand modern society that well.

Has PTSD, depression and separation anxiety. Extremely fast-moving water, great heights and loud sounds all give him shivers down to his spine because they're all part of events that he used to be in. Sometimes, he feels disconnected to the rest of the world and doesn't have any motivation to do anything. And about his separation anxiety? Try separating Henrietta from him and he'll be missing her instantly.

Loves to bake and cook food. Is a god at it. (Unlike Edward-)

Has 4 adopted children: Mavis, Percy, Phillip and Pluto.

I like to imagine that he used to have a stupid long ahoge that he unfortunately lost during his younger years. It hasn't grown back ever since. RIP random ahoge, we'll miss you. 😞

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair-"

PRIVATE HE'S AFRAID OF COCKROACHES!!!!!

(USING SHE/HER AND THE NAME "TABITHA" FOR THE NEXT FEW HEADCANONS. TW: MENTIONS OF DEADNAMING, TRANSPHOBIA, HOMOPHOBIA AND DEATH)

When Tabitha was first built, she was devilish, tomboyish daredevil who took over the quaint little world that she lived in by storm. She had two older brothers who she bonded quickly. Tom, who was the middle child and was fun-loving and Leonard, who was the oldest and acted as the voice of reason and discipline.

In her old tramway that was located nearby on a pretty little coastline, Tabitha met two tramway coaches named Henrietta and Hannah. She got along quite well with Hannah due to their chaotic personalities but butted heads with Henrietta because of her more reserved demeanor. (What Tabitha doesn't know that she's going to get married to Henrietta someday hehehoho)

However, Roger, a very bratty and absolutely shit tram engine bullied the two all lot. (Ya'll probably who I'm talking about) And not only was he spoiled and jerkish, he was also extremely transphobic and homophobic towards Tabitha, often calling her many slurs and derogatory nicknames. But the haughty steam tram would soon meet his end when he was crushed to death. What the others didn't know that things would be way worse....

During a cheerful and calm day, Tabitha was working with her two brothers as usual along with Henrietta. Out of nowhere, a large boom filled the air with terror and doom as an disheveled old man, wearing shattered goggles, was driving a gigantic tank as cannons were blasting everywhere, destroying trucks and houses. Leonard immediately took his then-sister's hand and started sprinting towards the other direction with Tom and Henrietta following in hot pursuit.

Bullets sliced through the smoky air as the screams of dying people and engines filled the atmosphere with dread and hopelessness and just as the crazy old man was about to shoot Tabitha, Tom suddenly went in front of her, surprising the lunatic and causing him to miss and have the bullet hit the ground instead. But, the bullet ended up ricocheting a piece of shrapnel straight towards Tom's face and pierced straight through his eye, killing him instantly.

And went the young tram thought that the worse has been over, a shriek of pain echoed through the sky as Henrietta dragged Tabitha to a safe place. Turns out that Leonard had acid poured on his face by the old driver for refusing to let him kill Tabitha.

The next day was the funeral for Tom and Leonard, the sky was a cloudy grey as rain poured onto the ground like bricks hitting pavement. Nobody make a sound except for the anguished cries of Tabitha for she just lost the people that she loved the most. Ever since, the poor tram hasn't been the same.

(TOBY, IN HIS AWKWARD TRANSITONAL PHASE)

Started using he/him and the name "Tobias" that Leonard give to him. Shortened it to "Toby" because he didn't like being called by his full name.

Wore awkward brown suspenders, a white buttoned up shirt and had shiny black loafers. (Man, he was really wearing the loser fit wasn't he) Later got a fuzzy homemade oak-colored sweater made by Henrietta for him as a gift when he worked on his own little tramway.

Easily scared, very jumpy, frightened and extremely shy toward others. Only communicated in whispers. (Not too unlike to his wimpy CGI persona!)

Was pretty neutral on liking flowers but ended up loving one of them, roses, after Henrietta put one on his head during one of their dates.

You thought that Edward was his bisexual awakening? Ha! Edward was only his bisexual REAWAKENING. His actual first bisexual awakening was when he met a fellow blue lorry whose name was Alec. Unlike the rest of the lorries and trucks that were assholes, Alec was mild-mannered and polite and had a pleasant conversation with Toby, who the latter caught feelings for him. However, because homophobia was at a dangerously high stake during that time, Toby had extreme feelings of internalized homophobia and avoided Alec when ever he could. (Poor him, it looks that Toby couldn't catch a break)

Toby and Henrietta literally got married when Toby tried to propose her but failed horribly, only to find out that Henrietta was also going to propose to him as well.

His bond between his driver and firewoman started to grow since the two were a couple themselves and would give relationship advice to Toby whenever he had trouble with Henrietta.

[bolankus]

I'll explain these. Also, spoilers againf for the third time (I'm also learning how to use these buttons. So cool, right :3

MonoTV: fuck MonoTV it should be obvious why I hate it (it can be funny at times though but now I'm salty since Ace is dead and it just.. is the one that's mainly hosting the killing game I know it's a robot but still)

Teruko: she's a really relatable character. anyways she's cool I enjoy her character.

Xander: can't have much of an opinion he wasn't alive for that long so I'm not sure how to feel. that's why it's at mixed.

Eden: she's alright. not a favorite or too likeable but she's still a fine character (I wanted her dead over Ace I was praying on her downfall when I was in denial)

Hu: STOP. JUST STOP. NICO ISN'T INNOCENT FOR EVERYTHING. PLEAKDJS. IT MAKES ME SO MAD.

J: they're cool I enjoy their character a lot. I'm also calling J a they because uh.. not sure if they're trans YOU CANT BLAME ME FOR BEING CONFUSED

Veronika (I don't remember how it's spelt): I liked her character at first before realizing yesterday how psychotic she actually was. I'm salty again because of everyone's reaction- or lack of one- to Ace's execution

David: he can be funny at times but uhhgfhh.. IM SO SALTY OVER ACE'S DEATH but David is just a piece of shit in general. but I don't hate David that much.

Aruto: I don't like him because of the whole thing with his sister. but like. he's a good character. but he's fucking weird because of the whole thing with J's mom. I know people can like celebrities but jesus christ get your hands out of your PANTS! /j

Levi: he's cool. he's likeable and seems just really nice and whatever. but now his boyfriend's dead 😞😞😞😞

Ace: please come back I DONT CARE IF HE WAS AN ASSHOLE I USUALLY FAVORITE THE ASSHOLE CHARACTERS WHEN THEY HAVE REASON FOR BEING A DICK but yeah he's cool I miss him already

Min: I liked Xander's character at the time and cried when he died so I didn't like her. I know my opinions are shit but they're MINE HAHA SUCK IT /j I just didn't really like her in general sorry she's cool just not to me

Charles: uugdgfhh.. I know he's gonna die because of his weaknesses :( but uh.. my favorites are all similar since all I'll say is that I had and still have a hyperfixation on Byakuya Togami before and after watching this show

Whit: I don't know if I simply like him or favorite him. but he's cool he's very cool! funny guy very sily

Arei: I think I cried when I saw her dead. please I'm just a really emotional person. anyways I think I understood her a lot more after seeing her talk to David about her sisters. she's cool. or WAS (sorry)

Nico: just kinda pisses me off.... okay it's just because I'm still salty over Ace's death if this was before the trial they'd probably be neutral (I believe the autism headcannons by the way)

Rose: she's so hot anywaus uhfhfhb I really like her character. she's really silly and I'm kinda thinking she might have ADHD due to how she acts in and out of trials. I also have a really shit memory so I kinda understand her but not since her memory is of course different then my slowly molding one /j

Anyways there's my opinions because I got woken up at three in the morning

[lovezbrownies]

Man I want to write something about Lorelai’s brother since I have sm ideas on him. The problem is he just doesn’t fit as a yandere like if anything he’s just like a normal introverted guy the exact opposite of his younger sister really 😭

Like for example he wouldn’t really pine or become a creepy obsessed stalker towards the person he likes like his sister. He does love his sister he truly does. but like even he admits it’s creepy and worries for Lorelai based on what he sees. He once caught his sister stalking the person she likes and needless to say he became appalled since he never expected his sister to be like that. Since a few months ago his sister was normal and now suddenly he sees her being creepy and coming back home later in time?? Like at first he thinks it’s normal since she has a lot of friends compared to him. But when he sees his sister suddenly changing in front of him as she becomes a rollercoaster of emotions. Ex; being happy and loving struck, to gloomy, upset, back to being determined, being annoyed, then being heart broken as the cycle treats basically

But basically Lorelai’s brother is the exact opposite when it comes to personality as he’s a lot more serious, cold but more in an awkward way compared to his sister. As he doesn’t have much friends not because he’s distrustful but because he gets shy and awkward but people think he’s just a gloomy guy when he isn’t 😞 if he ever does fall in love the person he likes has to be the exact opposite of him. Like being bold, outgoing, friendly, and getting out of their way to talk and even ask him out. As like I said Lorelai’s older brother is more serious in his studies to become a medical care giver/a nurse. As sadly he isn’t as talented as Lorelai when it comes to remembering stuff in lectures

anyways that’s all I have to say on the matter as poor guy doesn’t exactly fit the yandere stereotype in my head as he most likely becomes uncomfortable with the thought of ever stalking the person he likes 😭 like his sister does -🌪️

ps; make Julie’s fathers name Tom and make it a sideline joke about it please I’m begging 🙏

oomf... he doesnt need to be a yandere oomf.. what if i just write abt a regular old guy in a regular old love story

OR maybe he just isnt naturally possessive and obsessive like a typically Yandere maybe his tendancies only peak when someone is too close to darling? Like i definitely see some type of possessiveness, maybe not complete yandere yandere just a lil guy whos jealous a lot of the time! probably A-tier boyfriend material but it would definitely take him a while to get a hold of the boyfriend thing right after getting some tips off the internet (cringed at andrew tate)

moving on from yandere possibilites, I really like this tiny guy he's just so fucking normal I'm into it. like everyone's so fucked in the head i just want to write about this normal regular nothing weird here guy! Maybe a small bad habits but that's it!

I think maybe he'd catch onto whether he feels super super jealous and try to like treat it in a way? Like being open with you, going to a therapist on daddy's money ofc he's not paying for that he's a college student bro. other than that this is the healthiest individual in this universe everyone clap!

there will be moments where he will forget about you, too submerged in his studies to spare a glance at his phone that's drowning in concerned messages from you regarding his weird silence, which eventually leads to you thinking he just doesn't want you anymore, that he's the type of guy to never tell someone that they don't want to be with them, that he's the type of guy to just... abandon you.

So you leave him alone, no calls, no texts, not a single attempt to even glance his way. And this guy is none the wiser give him some time guys pls.

Eventually when his exams are over and he can go to the usual stress he's under then does he notice a strange feeling. He feels like something is missing, that he's... lonely? How could that be? He has his sister, she lives right across from him, he regularly keeps in touch with his father, Tom McCanister, and he doesn't really need any friends to begin with, so what could it be?

Guys give him a break he's a stressed college student, I forgot my dad and family existed and he got mad at me for not calling him for 3 weeks guys it happens pls hes just like me fr

if youre dead set on not forgiving him... well, that's okay, he fucked up, he gets it. he cant blame you for hating his guts after this, cuz he sure hates himself too.

But he will beg to still be your friend, to still text, beg you to promise not to block him on anything, he just... he does love you! in a normal way most definitely but thinking that you'd block him on your socials and he won't be able to know what important events happened in your life without him by your side eats up at him.

Hate him all you want, he doesn't mind, but you will know he still loves and cares for you. It's up to you whether you should take him back or not, if the puppy dog eyes are worth giving into or not.

He won't repeat what he did if you end up taking him back. He won't change at all other than being more attentive, replying to your texts and calls faster while also texting first. He wants to make it up to you, he hurt you and you gave him a second chance, he wouldn't dare ruin it by forcing you to do things like his siter, or threaten your social standing like his sister, or treat you like a stuffed bear to constantly suffocate like his sister.

In fact he's repulsed by her behavior a lot of the time, condemning her in his mind yet giving in whenever she comes crying about something her crush said that upset her again. Always comforting her but never telling her to continue,

"It's okay... Maybe you should listen to them and leave--"

"NO!!"

"..."

He's the perfect man. Sometimes a little too perfect for his own good but wonderful nonetheless.

(also i was so confused about the dad being named Tom till i was scrolling down my blog looking for something that I remember.)

(Tom is real, Tom is successful, and Tom is a mary-sue 100% I'm going to make him so op you guys will hate me)

[hex-maniacal]

I finally have some time so I wanted to make a post while I have the chance so everyone here knows where I've been, but I'll be able to get in touch individually with all the friends I've made on here in a few hours. Thank you all for being patient with me. Cw for self harm and just general mopey-ness under the cut

A bit before my birthday I was hospitalized for the flu, in case you didn't know, I have a compromised immune system(it's not too bad that there's any worry about dying, but I get sick very easily and need to stay at the hospital every now and then when it gets bad), and I guess it just beat the hell outta me. I haven't been fully conscious and lucid for the days since then, but recovery should go well from here on, though I am really beat up about having missed my birthday 😞 I know it's a dumb thing to be fussing about but blegh. My mental state has been deteriorating a lot recently, and just before this I had a falling out with a friend I've had for years who just converted to Christianity and tried to get me to go to conversion therapy. It's been a lot of bad really fast and I guess this visit and thinking about the bills it just kinda made me snap. I know it was a mistake but I tried to harm myself. My siblings were there to keep me safe but I don't think I'll be okay alone for a while. I'm planning on staying with my sister at her place for a few days once im out of here later tonight. It may be a bit before I'm in the right state to run this account, but thank you all for being so kind in the past, and I'm sure you'll only be even nicer in the future. I miss being able to post here and I hope I can come back soon :). Once I finish checking out and getting settled at my sister's I'll be back on to try to get in touch with everyone. I'm sorry this post doesn't really fit the vibe of the account 😅 thank you for bearing with me.

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you mrs. ginger beer drinker honey nut cheerio robin hood lefty eyebag 😅

I am okay today, how are you doing? Still cleaning or packing again for your trip?

I know, I am an old person. I can't help it but to sleep early 😞 I'm just ready for the new year because it will feel like a fresh start lol. I'm not doing anything new years eve, might drink a bit but not sure. Then I work on new years day and then after that I am hanging out with friends and playing some board games. How about you? What plans do you have in Texas?

So you make moscow mules at home then? I want to try that cocktail with the baileys. I love baileys..when Applebee's had the mudslide, I would always order it. Now I just like my regular coke and rum. Simple and boring lol

I will definitely ask you more about Indonesian food. For next year, I want to try more food and expand my taste.

Ah I see, I completely understand then. I used to be that way when it comes to showing emotions. But when it comes to sad movies, and the story just hits hard, I can't help but cry haha 😅 but when it comes to real life stuff, I am somewhat not showing anything until I am alone.

Wow look at you giving me more than I asked! Hahaha okay miss rebel. Fine, I'll do more too because I feel that i can't just list 3.

1. The Phantom of the Opera

2. Brooklyn 99

3. Modern Family

4. Rent

5. Fight Club

Next, name 3 scary movies that you can never watch again.

-CuriousGeorge

Hi hi hi.. there u go! My long nickname is back! Yay.hahaha. whats up corn-punn!

Im okay too.. just busy n clean up an endless mess. I'm by myself with em now so it's hard to do chores while she keeps want to play with me.

I havent packed anything at all.. the clothes i wanna bring r still in the dryer.lol.

Ah i see. I got what u meant about fresh start.. i hope i feel refreshed on new year which i doubt.lol.

We plan to hang out n eat some bbq n i want to enjoy the stuff that my cousin brought from indonesia. She just got back from indonesia n my sister sends some goodies for her to bring them for me.

N we r going to bring some big fireworks so we can light up some n put some show there.haha. we have a lot of huge serious fireworks in the attic because it's legal here n in texas.

N probably we'll get drunk with my cousin's husband 😅

I used to make moscow mule at home but now not really.hahaha. oh yeah baileys is my favorite. Sometimrs i just mix it with milk n add ice n just drink it like that. Or add it to my ice cream or chocolate shake 😅 the first time i tried mudslide is when i was on a cruise. So we bought all u can drink package for the whole week in every bar in the ship. So i tried every cocktail i found there n one of my co-worker who is a bartender let me borrow his cocktail book so imagine how much i drank.😅🤣 but i promise im not an alcoholic though. I like coke n rum too but i always have it with malibu coconut rum.

Oh yeah, ask me as much as u want about indonesian food.i will gladly answer u.

Haha yeah totally understandable about what u explain with the whole emotion things.

To be honest, i cried a looot when i broke up with my ex-gf. Then my mom passed away too.. n since that i feel like i cant cry that much anymore no matter how much i feel like i want to cry.

Haha of course i give u more than u asked, because i'm a very sweet n kind person.lol. i forgot to add on my list of movies i will always watch : Miss Congeniality ,Ocean's 8 and Knives Out.

I love ur lists.. what movie Rent is?

Scary movies i cant watch ever again are

1. Us

2. Insidious

3. All Paranormal Activity franchise movies.

4. All Wrong Turn franchise movies.

5. All Saw movies.

What about u?

Next question?

Cheerio!

[lowkeyremi]

01. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

Family/friends, SA (took awhile but it made me a stronger person), music!!

02. show us a picture of your handwriting?

ya... sometimes I can't even read it

03. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

Lilo and Stitch, Ratatouille, and Haikyuu of course

04. what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

"Sorry guys I got a little too excited 😞" (there is never a time where me and my friends aren't jokingly talking about blowing a load)

05. what made you start your blog?

Wattpad sucks. AO3 is complicated. Tumblr = I don't have to write long multi chapter stories.

06. what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

best part: I have a community of people who like what I do and leave me comments that make my smile reach my eyes

worst part: seeing other creators being hated on (for no reason) or having their blogs copied bc others are too lazy to put in the work for their own blog. (I would say getting hate but I don't get much of that thankfully)

07. what scares you the most and why?

being alone. I like to have alone time but I couldn't imagine being by myself all the time without anyone to talk to or have fun with.

08. any reacquiring dreams?

every other year I get this dream about this guy, I know his voice and his appearance but his face is just a white blur. He always embraces me in hugs and talks to me. I wonder if i'll ever meet him irl or not. who knows?

09. tell a story about your childhood

when I was 4 I decided to cut off my hair for no reason (I was a bad kid)

10. would you say you’re an emotional person?

not really? I try not to be that emotional around people I don't know well and I don't even like crying in front of family. Also I suck at comforting people.. I'm one of those "just don't be sad" people 😭 I might be apathetic towards sensitive people. my youngest sister is very sensitive and she cries about everything.

11. what do you consider to be romance?

i have no clue cuz i've never really experienced it but if I had to make a guess it would be when your whole presence lights up when being around someone you like/love.

12. what’s some good advice you want to share?

just be yourself. fuck what others think about you and don't change for anyone but yourself.

13. what are you doing right now?

i'm supposed to be getting dressed so i can hang out with my family but i'm just scrolling on tumblr as of now lololol

14. what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been too scared to do?

wear what I wanna wear, I get scared of being judged by people

15. what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

my grandma's room. I miss her :((((

16. if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

i would stop being such a gossip, it gets me into trouble :/

17. name 3 things that make you happy

my dog, being a good big sister, writing (when I'm not pressured)

18. do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

naur.

19. favorite thing about the day?

I like when the sun's setting and everything starts to rest.

20. favorite things about the night?

the peaceful quietness.

21. are you a spiritual person?

yes, i'm a Christian, but I do struggle a lot because I want to do what I want to do vs what God has in store for me

22. say 3 things about someone you love

thank you for putting up with me even when I lie to you.

i'm glad you're always there for me and you love me.

you're doing great as a mother and I wish I could express that better.

23. say 3 things about someone you hate

every time I see your face my day is ruined

I wish you would shut up

I swear if you look at me like that again I might just... (these are the more tame thoughts)

24. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

i've been working on saying "no" when I don't want to do something.

25. favorite season and why?

winter = no bugs + snow

26. favorite color and why?

red, I've loved red since I was little. the color is so fiery like my spirit + passion

"it has historically been associated with sacrifice, danger, and courage. Modern surveys in Europe and the United States show red is also the color most commonly associated with heat, activity, passion, sexuality, anger, love, and joy."

27. any nicknames?

maya, meezy, moo or maya moo (the last three are off limits for anyone who is not my mom)

28. do you collect anything?

everything. I wont be surprised if I end up on one of those hoarder shows. I literally have a bunch of papers from high school.

29. what do you do when you’re sad?

think. I try to think about why I feel this way or what's making me feel this way.

30. what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

my family and my dog :)

31. are you messy or organized?

messssyyyyyyyy. I try to clean up but i'm like "i'll do it later" I do clean when I think it's gotten to a point where I need everything to be straightened up.

32. how many tabs do you have open right now?

nine.

33. any hobbies?

singing, cooking, playing Roblox, writing, reading, watching yt videos.

34. any pet peeves?

people chewing with their mouth open or chewing gum really loud :/ (my sister does this all the time)

35. do you trust easily?

i'm skeptical but if it i'm comfortable with you easily than yes, if not then it might take me awhile to trust you.

36. are you an open book or do you have walls up?

I act like I have walls up but i'm really an open book

37. share a secret

i told someone I had a bf so he would stop hitting on me when I don't... i'm awful at saying no.

38. favorite song at the moment?

either king of the fall or don't break my heart

39. youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

coryxkenshin. I got bored so I started rewatching his videos

40. any bad habits?

I procrastinate a lot and I talk about people behind their backs... (mostly people I don't like. ya i'm a fake friend at times I LOVE ALL OF YOU THO CUZ YOU GUYS DON'T DO ANYTHING MEAN TO ME)

not sure who to tag so anyone who wants to do it can!!!

questions I think would be fun to be asked

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

show us a picture of your handwriting?

3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

what made you start your blog?

what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

what scares you the most and why?

any reacquiring dreams?

tell a story about your childhood

would you say you’re an emotional person?

what do you consider to be romance?

what’s some good advice you want to share?

what are you doing right now?

what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

name 3 things that make you happy

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

favourite thing about the day?

favourite things about the night?

are you a spiritual person?

say 3 things about someone you love

say 3 things about someone you hate

what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

fave season and why?

fave colour and why?

any nicknames?

do you collect anything?

what do you do when you’re sad?

what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

are you messy or organised?

how many tabs do you have open right now?

any hobbies?

any pet peeves?

do you trust easily?

are you an open book or do you have walls up?

share a secret

fave song at the moment?

youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

any bad habits?

(this post was stolen from @teenage-mutant-ninja-freak, since it couldn't be reblogged anymore)

[chimielie]

hii 1- 44 for your ask game pwease

fine. im gonna do it.

under readmore to respect people’s dashes HAHAHAHAH. bear warning that there’s like 2 things that could be considered nsfw (but not rlly i don’t think) and like 3 questions abt substance usage!!

1 age: 20

2. shoe size: us 5.5, which is an eu 36 i think?

3. do you smoke? cigarettes very rarely and only socially

4: do you drink? yessir

5: do you take drugs? nope

6: age you get mistaken for: like 23? it's usually not far off but always older

7. have tattoos? no

8: want any tattoos? yes i think so! but that's for a later date when i have the funds

9: got any piercings? yep! the usual ones in my earlobes and i also have my nipples pierced :)

10: want any piercings? i'd like to get my doubles done, but i'm pretty happy with what i have now

11: best friend? my irl bestie: i've known her since we were 7? she's basically family. on here it's definitely my beloved mika

12: relationship status: down bad for my boyfriend (11 months next week!)

13: biggest turn ons: glasses, light biting, nice arms and back, athletic trainer, 27, iwaizumi hajime,

14: biggest turn offs: answered here

15: favorite movie: crazy rich asians (the wedding scene...)

16: i’ll love you if… you understand me?? i feel like all the people i've loved the most felt like they really could see me which is a pretty general answer but i love so many people so much

17: someone you miss: my little sister :(

18: most traumatic experience: i don't want to answer this seriously but sometimes i remember that iwaizumi isn't real and that's very upsetting 😞

19: a fact about your personality: i'm so eepy rn

20: what i hate most about myself: not applicable i don’t want to do that to my brain!!!

21: what i love most about myself: good with words :)

22: what i want to be when I get older: an accountant!!

23: my relationship with my sibling(s): my little sister is one of my best friends she's incredible i'm so proud of her

24: my relationship with my parent(s): i’m an eldest daughter soooooo

25: my idea of a perfect date: answered here

26: my biggest pet peeves: answered here

27: a description of the girl/boy i like: answered here

28: a description of the person i dislike the most: my best friend's ex-boyfriend 👎

29: a reason i’ve lied to a friend: said i was gonna go do homework and then took a nap

30: what i hate the most about work/school: it stresses my boyfriend out and cuts into my naptime

31: what my last text message says: “tell her you don’t have any more storage on your phone” to my roommate bc her mom wants her to download life360 LOL

32: what words upset me the most: probably not the Most but i think really cynical statements like “love isn’t real” or “healing is impossible” or stuff like that make me not want to talk to someone so much bc those are like. fundamental parts of my thinking yk? ofc jokes don’t bother me

33: what words make me feel the best about myself: “you do everything right all the time” HAHAHAHA

34: what i find attractive in women: glasses

35: what i find attractive in men: glasses

36: where i would like to live: i’ve always wanted to live in san diego… someday 🤞 i also daydream about ireland a lot

37: one of my insecurities: perpetually terrified of seeming mean by accident

38: my childhood career choice: estate planning lawyer 😭

39: my favorite ice cream flavor: honeycomb!!

40: who i wish i could be: someone who always has a lot of friends visiting :) and hosts a lot of dinner parties

41: where i want to be right now: san diego

42: the last thing i ate: i am currently right in the middle of eating prosciutto on toast with roasted red pepper tomato soup!!!

43: sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately: answered this earlier but it bears repeating: iwaizumi hajime i need u

44: a random fact about anything: answered here but here’s an extra: i have a little marcel the shell figurine on my desk and i pick him up and talk to him whenever i have writer’s block and it’s really helped boost my productivity hahahahahah

[whataboutbibi]

HELLO STINK, IMMA ALIVE! It's been a month uh 😞 so so sorry for not doing this before but life at uni has been so intense this past month and I wanted to sit and read it properly, the way it deserves and give pof justice but they wouldn't leave me alone, like, i just wanna to go back to my silly fics yk🙄 ENOUGH TALKING let's get into what matters.

“So, from the new album— Wasting Love.” - stop it. I'm already emotional reading this

"Yeah, you haven’t left his fucking mind in the past six months you’ve been apart from one another. It’s been six months, and Corroded Coffin has released two albums and started their second leg of tour since he last saw you— and you’re still all he thinks about." SIX MONTHS MISS MA'AM??? how long did I sleep?

"He feels it when he’s sitting backstage before a show, feels it when he steps into a new hotel room every night, feels it when he’s ruffling through his suitcase and comes across that journal that’s been haunting him for ages now, and he definitely feels it when he reads the fifth page in the Rolling Stone magazine where the description of Eddie resides, the one where you’d crafted and molded Eddie into a shape he’d never been able to see before, the one where Eddie first came to terms with the true sight of you and your intentions." - these two make me emo in the best way 🥹

"He asks about you when he can, because, unbeknownst to you, Eddie’s quite familiar with your boss, Anna, and she’s like an annoying older sister to him." help I loved the plot it caugh me off guard tbh

Gareth scoffs, “Yeah, but you wrote an entire fucking album about her"- as he should btw

Gareth makes a face, eyebrows raising in an ‘I rest my case' manner. “And she’s not a chick,” Eddie adds. - Aww this reminds me of that one time when Eddie called Jeff's gf "chick" (Naomi I think) and he said the same thing to eddie 😃

"And it gets better when Eddie scans the crowd, coming down from the first song of the night and finally taking a look at his audience, and there he sees it— he sees you. There you are under flashing lights, drowning in a sea of people with that glint in your eyes." ME?

God, you’re really fucking here. - LETS FUCKING GOOO

"He’s gotten thicker in the few months, beefier around his arms and chest, and the long chains and pendants he wears from his neck rest down the valley of his torso, smeared in sweat and sin. You want to drag your tongue across his chest, taste the salt and his cologne, tug the silver cross between your lips, and suck and make him whimper."

You missed him. God, you missed him so much. :(

"It’s slightly difficult, and there are a lot of gangly limbs and yearning hands reaching out everywhere, but Eddie eventually gets you over the barricade, and you’re gazing up at him with a warm grin when you sway on your feet. You wish you and Eddie could just walk away and have each other like you’ve been imagining for months, but Eddie has a job, and he’s working." *realising rockstar!eddie it's not just the aesthetic but his actual fucking job lol 😭

"Jeff is smothering Naomi in a sweaty hug and smattering kisses all over her face, and you’re glad to see they’re still together." YES YES YES I was rooting for them too

"It’s dawning on you that most of the pivotal moments between you and Eddie have been in a dressing room, so it’s not irrational for you to feel a bit uneasy when you step in, and Eddie closes the door." - no bc I'd be already freaking the fuck out

You huff out a laugh at that, and Eddie grins. “How is he?” You ask. Eddie tips his head back and forth like he’s thinking, “Same old man as before. Think he’s got a girlfriend now. He’s being an asshole about the details, though.” He rolls his eyes, and you snort. You’re happy to hear Wayne has a person for himself now; if anyone deserves it, it’s him. - so glad when writers give Wayne justice 🫶🏼

Eddie shakes his head, briefly shutting his eyes as he waves you off, “Nah, fuck that. You don’t need to apologize—” “But I do. I told you I wanted space, and then a week later, I’m plastered on a fucking cover with Baine fucking Carter.” - what 😧

Baine Carter is a well-known songwriter within the industry. He’s got tracks spread all over the top charts, and he has a way of talking that can make just about anyone fall into a trance until you realize most of what he’s saying is just made-up bullshit. In hindsight, Baine wasn’t much different than most people in the music industry— it was a moment of weakness and pure vodka-weighted thinking. And, of course, it’s the moment when cameras find you. - the way birdie didn't wasted a sec 💀💀 She's my hero y'all

You huff out a laugh, rolling your eyes when he gently squeezes at the warm skin of your thigh. You tip your head lower, holding your gaze on Eddie as you lowly speak, “I’m not having sex with you tonight, Eddie.” - well if birdie doesn't want it I VOLUNTEER MYSELF AS A TRIBUTE 🙋‍♀️

"It’s like a sigh of relief to have Eddie’s lips on yours after such a long time. Weeks of nights and days spent trying to remember how it felt having his plump lips pressed onto yours, how he tasted, how warm his tongue was when it slunk into your mouth. None of those times you’d try to remember, none of those phantom feelings that would breeze through your body could ever amount to how it actually feels— it’s as if you’re seeing color for the first time." FINALLY!!

"There are things that you both need to say, uncover, and express feelings about, and god forbid you get dicknotized before the words can come out correctly." - DICKNOTIZED? LMAO

Your legs are kicked up on the couch, and Eddie finds his fingers slinking around your bare ankle, gently squeezing, “Want something comfy?” He asks. - ...Are we sure this is the same man that ran her over with a golf cart and broke her ankle at the beginning?

You stay quiet, allowing him to speak, “Everybody just lives to work dead-end jobs. Being creative is like… a sin or something, I don’t know. I just want to give the kids somewhere where they’ll feel… safe. Seen. Something I never got for myself.” - STOP I LOVE HIM SM this is brilliant

Eddie snorts at that, pink lacing with yours as a smile spreads across your lips, “Not bad actually, I might name it that.” - and i wanna see it. Epilogue when 🤗

Eddie’s demeanor is unwavering as he blinks at you, but his tone is accusing, “Do you want me to be angry with you so you can feel justified?” -oh😦

“And I’m telling you right now that I’m not angry.” He’s teetering on the edge of irritated now, and you tilt your head. “I listened to the album, Eddie. I listened to the song; you’re seriously gonna tell me you’re not angry?” wtf did he wrote on that album I'm scared💀

"Your chest aches when the lyrics echo in your mind." - 😦 now I get it.

"It’s tender, the space you’ve both created. You’re both fragile and reactive in the best way, like a healing exposed nerve, and Eddie will be forever in your debt for how patient you are with him. He’s not good at talking about real shit, but he’s trying to fix that, and you make it easier because you push him in the way he needs to be— you encourage him to say what he feels even if he’s afraid he might end up shooting himself in the foot and chasing you away again because— ‘It’s the only way things will get better.’" - their chemistry is INSANE. it's so good to witness how things flow between them cause they can be feral over each other but so emotionally intimate at the same time. Does it even make sense?

“Hippie shit,” Eddie mutters as you hop down from his couch. Your eyes narrow, “Hey,” you nudge your foot against his thigh, “Don’t be an asshole. It was on your shelf anyway.” - he's a hater to his core.

"There are tears in your eyes as you blink down at the gift in your hands, and you know Eddie must think you’re insane for crying over a book— a journal at that. It’s a pale yellow colored leather, with two leather straps that are tied into a neat bow, and in the corner, your name is stamped in tiny cursive gold letters— your real name."

"The gift Eddie has for you has been with him since the fourth week he knew you. He’s been holding onto it for so long because he’s been a coward and didn’t know how to form the words ‘I’m sorry’ with his tongue— but now, Eddie’s riding on a high, and he needs you and wants you all the time and there’s no better time than now, right?" -SINCE THE FOURTH. the fourth WEEK?

You laugh at that, body warm with adoration because, yeah, that sounds like your grandfather. You sniffle, wiping under your eyes, “How did you know?” You ask. Eddie shrugs as he sits next to you, “The cover of your journal had his name on it, so I kind of pieced it together since you share a last name.” - boy was scheming

You don’t know what to think, what to say. It’s the kindest thing Eddie (or anyone) has ever done for you. Your grandfather had been in the business of handmaking journals for as long as you can remember; he was part of the reason why you took such a liking to journalism. He had a brief history in journalism himself, and he would sit and go through his best works with you when you struggled to fall asleep— he helped you see the world through the lens of an artist, and you never looked back. - THIS IS PRECIOUS I'm gonna CRY

"Eddie shifts beneath you, and you sigh, turning your head up to nuzzle against the base of his throat. Your teeth drag across his skin, red lines left in their wake before you let your tongue coast up his pulsing vein, mouth kissing and suckling at what you can reach— and Eddie whimpers."

“You know…It’s past midnight.” - yeah well...

His cock feels strangled and achy in his jeans, and he imagines how good it’ll feel to sink his cock into you as he swirls a gentle finger around your entrance. “For the record,” He drawls, watching your lips part when he dips his finger into you, “It’s been nowhere. My dick, I mean.” - You breathlessly laugh, hips wriggling, your pussy eager for more. “Been beating it with my fist for the last six months, so. Just want you to know— it’s only you, baby.” - when he goes celibate for us <3

It takes everything in Eddie to pull away from you, and he thinks he’s gonna marry you when you reach out for him. Thinks he wants to just whisk you away and live on the side of a secluded mountain or some shit. Thinks he wants you to be the mother of his kids when you smile up at him as he rises to his feet, gazing down at you over the apple of his cheeks as he removes his jeans. - I expect nothing less 💖

“Quit teasing,” You whine, squirming beneath him. Eddie grins, breathlessly panting as he looks at you, “So impatient.” He mumbles, shifting further up your body until the inside of his thighs press against the side of your tits. You can feel the cool drag of his rings against your sternum, and it sends licks of fire through your core. “My baby’s so impatient, hm?” He taps his cock against your chest, and your frown, fingers digging into his thighs."

All of us and birdie rn:

His other hand smooths over your ass, heavily slapping it once before gripping the warm skin as he speaks beside your ear, “Wanna fuck your ass one day, hm? Gonna let me? Say you’ll let me.” - this mans a total menace

And you think to yourself, with the scent of Eddie whirling around you and his touch all over you and his pretty voice in your ear, that yeah, you can work through this together. Even if the process will tear you to shreds all over again. After all, that’s the price of falling for a rockstar, isn’t it?" - woah and I'll never be the same again stink 😭 I'm so glad I found the series, it was fun to keep up with it and you ended it just the way they deserved <3

Also, sorry for talking too much I have to contain myself. But that's it for now. I'll miss it SM! Byee stink 🫶🏼🥲

PRICE OF FAME (PART 12/12)

AHHH !! friends, we've come to the end of my first fully done series, and she's not perfect in a lot of ways but she's mine and I'm so happy and thankful to have shared it with you lovely folks

i hope I've done them justice, enjoy <3

18+ — MINORS DNI

pairing: rockstar!eddie x journalist!reader

summary: you decide to visit eddie for a chat

contains: enemies to lovers trope, drug and alcohol use, smut, oral (m receiving), mentions of anal, mentions of death (readers relative), sexual themes, angst, heavy mutual pining, fluff, and eddie being so head over heels that it's hot <3

word count: 10.6k

| previous part |

| series masterlist | -main masterlist- |

“So, from the new album— Wasting Love.”

Over time, Eddie’s learned that he can’t stand interviews— especially interviews with questions aimed towards nothing but tabloid gossip and headlines. The first big interview that Corroded Coffin booked was exciting because— well, it was their first one! Maybe the questions weren’t as intricate and thought-out as the ones they gave David Bowie on TV, but it was something.

That excitement wore off quickly, though, and unfortunately, interviews are one of the top ways to spread publicity so— “Wasting love,” Eddie huffs, tipping his hips forward as he shifts on the couch. He’s bored out of his mind, aching to leave and be done with the shitty questions about his love life or the people he hangs around or whatever. He taps the heel of his foot into the ground, lips twisting as he chews at the inside of his cheek, “What about it, man?” Eddie asks.

The rest of the band is in the fucking clouds— why would they answer a question about a song entirely unrelated to them? Plus, Eddie’s 99.9% sure they did a few lines without him, which, fucking assholes.

The interviewer shrugs, “Well, why didn’t it make it to the final cut? And what’s it about? Tell us more about that track.”

What a bullshit fucking question. 

Wasting Love is one of the most, if not the most, straightforward songs Eddie’s ever fucking written. The only reason why he’s asking about this is because, well, there’s been rumors of Eddie and his most recent love affair— none of which are true, but Eddie doesn’t bother to come out and tell the truth because what’s the point? What’s the point in telling the truth if it will get twisted anyway?

Either way, Eddie shrugs, blinking behind his dark sunglasses, “I mean…” He purses his lips and tips his head side to side as if thinking, “Kinda self-explanatory with the lyrics, man.” He finally responds.

And in the background, Eddie can see Richie practically constructing his next ‘I know you hate it, but it’s good publicity’ lecture. So, Eddie relents— “It’s about… meaningless sex basically. And it didn’t make the cut because it was a shitty song.”

It wasn’t, actually, Eddie thinks it was a great fucking song, but the intentions behind it— not quite so.

“I think the fans would disagree on that.” The interviewer jokes.

Jeff takes a deep breath and shifts in his seat, “I mean, part of it was because it just didn’t flow with the essence of the album.” He adds, and Eddie mentally thanks him for taking over and so easily diverting the topic to something else. For the rest of the interview, Eddie’s mind is elsewhere, thinking about everything outside of this room, thinking about what he’ll eat later, thinking about the show tonight, thinking about you.

Yeah, you haven’t left his fucking mind in the past six months you’ve been apart from one another. It’s been six months, and Corroded Coffin has released two albums and started their second leg of tour since he last saw you— and you’re still all he thinks about.

You’re still in his dreams, still dancing behind his eyelids when he shuts his eyes, still vomiting all over his fucking journal when he writes. It’s madness, really. Eddie can’t remember the last time he was this hung up on someone— he wasn’t even this distraught when Chrissy left him.

Sure when he and Chrissy ended, he wallowed in it for a month or two, but it wasn’t long before he got fixed on uppers and groupies. Chrissy was heartbreaking in the sense that she was his first love, his first real relationship— but this… this is different. Eddie doesn’t know why it’s different, can’t really pinpoint where the colors change, and the memories start to jab at his chest differently, but he feels it.

He feels it when he’s sitting backstage before a show, feels it when he steps into a new hotel room every night, feels it when he’s ruffling through his suitcase and comes across that journal that’s been haunting him for ages now, and he definitely feels it when he reads the fifth page in the Rolling Stone magazine where the description of Eddie resides, the one where you’d crafted and molded Eddie into a shape he’d never been able to see before, the one where Eddie first came to terms with the true sight of you and your intentions.

Yeah, it’s fucking bullshit, Eddie thinks.

He doesn’t know how he ended up in this predicament, but by god, he would never fucking recommend it because— fuck, you won’t even talk to him!

And sure, you don’t owe Eddie anything, you don’t owe him a call or a chance to visit or anything of the sort, but Eddie was holding onto that sliver of hope you gave him before you left. 

He asks about you when he can, because, unbeknownst to you, Eddie’s quite familiar with your boss, Anna, and she’s like an annoying older sister to him. Anna tells Eddie how much of an idiot he is occasionally, but she always cracks and tells Eddie that you’ve been good and how you sometimes mention him, but it’s always quick, and nobody ever has room to pry about it. And when Anna tells Eddie about how you crossed paths backstage with a certain red-headed girl and read her to filth, Eddie chuckles and mumbles something along the lines of, “That’s my girl.”

Anna nearly gagged then. 

Still, Eddie only catches glimpses and whispers of you, never really getting the full fix to last him a day, but it’s enough to keep him alive and wanting. 

“Maybe she doesn’t get your calls, man.” Gareth shrugs, leaning into the mirror as he ruffles his hair. It’s been hours since the interview now, and showtime is in… Eddie doesn’t know when because he didn’t listen when Richie was rambling on about tonight’s schedule.

“She gets my calls, dude; Anna said she does,” Eddie grumbles.

“Okay, well, then maybe she’s just, like, over it. I don’t blame her; you're a pain in the ass.”

Eddie kicks his boot into Gareth’s shin, and the boy hisses, tossing a red Rillos wrapper at him. “Ow, asshole. It’s not my fault she hates your music.” He snips. Eddie makes a face, “It’s your music too, dumbass.” 

Gareth scoffs, “Yeah, but you wrote an entire fucking album about her. Our album is literally about her, you know that, right?” And Eddie thinks he should just kick Gareth’s teeth in at this point, maybe that’ll get him to shut up. “How would you know it’s about her if I never told you it was?” Eddie prods.

Gareth rolls his eyes, dark eyeliner casting a shadow on his face as he turns to glare at his friend. “Is there another chick you’ve been fucking that’s got you by the balls that we seem to have forgotten about?” Gareth sarcastically asks. Eddie glares at him, reaching for the cigarettes on the vanity table and sparking up.

He speaks around a cloud of smoke when he answers, “No.”

Gareth makes a face, eyebrows raising in an ‘I rest my case' manner. “And she’s not a chick,” Eddie adds.

Gareth hums with a tight grin, reaching out to poke at his friend's face, causing Eddie to grimace and bat him away, “You’re in love, Munson. Fix it or get over it,” He says shortly before making his way toward the door. Eddie can hear the dull scream of fans when Gareth opens the door, and Eddie thinks about the tickets he’s sent you every show— prays to whatever false god there is that you decided tonight is the night before he decides hope is useless and you’ve gotten over him. Gareth cuts through Eddie’s thoughts, “Come on, I can hear Richie’s bitching from here.”

Eddie’s mind is never in the game until he steps onto the stage, with bright lights blinding him, screaming fans, and his adrenaline at an all-time high. He comes back to earth then, comes back, and does the fuck out of his job— because this is the best part. The best fucking part, and it’s always been that way.

And it gets better when Eddie scans the crowd, coming down from the first song of the night and finally taking a look at his audience, and there he sees it— he sees you. There you are under flashing lights, drowning in a sea of people with that glint in your eyes. 

Eddie thinks he’s imagining it because, fuck, he’s been dreaming of this for weeks on end; surely his delusion can reach the heights of hallucinations, right? But no, you’re real.

You’re so fucking real. So fucking insanely real beneath Eddie’s fingertips when he reaches out, ignoring the screams and clawing of fans as his fingers loop around your wrists and he says your name.

God, you’re really fucking here.

Eddie looks prettier than you remember when you first see him— curly mane draped over his shoulders and dark tattoos glistening on a bare torso, white lights framing him like he’s some kind of fucking archangel.

He’s gotten thicker in the few months, beefier around his arms and chest, and the long chains and pendants he wears from his neck rest down the valley of his torso, smeared in sweat and sin. You want to drag your tongue across his chest, taste the salt and his cologne, tug the silver cross between your lips, and suck and make him whimper.

His eyeliner is smudged and dark, and his smile when he gets a moment to take in the crowd makes your chest ache. He’s so pretty it hurts. He’s a dream and a nightmare all at once.

You missed him. God, you missed him so much.

His smile falters when he sees you, and you don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but his eyebrows pinch like he’s in pain, and you only want to wrap yourself around him and breathe in that scent that’s been haunting for nights on end.

He’s insane for jumping down to the barricade, like, completely-lost-his-fucking-mind, down-in-the-gutter, insane. But you can’t find it in you to protest when he steps up to the fence, reaching out and looping his warm finger around your wrist. “What the fuck?”

Your lips twitch into a smile at his words, but the crowd is getting rowdy with their beloved rockstar so up close and an elbow is being shoved into your side and Eddie moves quicker than you can comprehend, tugging you forward to the very front and motioning you to jump over.

“You’re insane!” You yell over the noise of the crowd. Eddie grins, damp curls dangling over his eyes as he peers down at you, “Unless if you wanna get crushed, be my guest.”

It’s slightly difficult, and there are a lot of gangly limbs and yearning hands reaching out everywhere, but Eddie eventually gets you over the barricade, and you’re gazing up at him with a warm grin when you sway on your feet. You wish you and Eddie could just walk away and have each other like you’ve been imagining for months, but Eddie has a job, and he’s working.

His eyes are blown wide, and his lips are so kissable, and his warm hand is squeezing your hip as he nods toward a security guard. “Keep an eye on this one, Rob,” He shouts over the screaming fans. You’re eyeing Eddie as he steps back toward the stage, sinking his in-ear back into place with a sly grin as he winks, “She’s real sneaky.”

The show is great, as it always is, and Eddie tries to be deft about it, but it’s evident to just about everyone how he practically clings to the side of the stage where you’re standing in front of. It’s cute, you’ll admit, but you feel bad for the fans, so you try to move around a bit.

The last song comes, and the show ends with Eddie and Jeff practically climbing over one another as they shred their guitars and the crowd goes insane when Eddie leans forward to drag his tongue up the side of Jeff’s face, grinning when the other boy rolls his eyes and walks off.

You’re being pulled backstage quicker than you know it, just in time to meet the group as they jog off the smokey stage with big grins on their faces.

Jeff is smothering Naomi in a sweaty hug and smattering kisses all over her face, and you’re glad to see they’re still together. Gareth is twirling his drumstick between his fingers and scanning the room for someone, but you don’t have time to try and figure out who because the one person you’ve been waiting for steps out next, and he’s got the biggest grin on his face as he practically jogs up to you.

You’re smiling and giggling out a greeting as he steps up to you and grasps your face between his hands, “No kisses!” You warn before he can lean in, and Eddie’s too excited to even pout about it. “You’re gonna fucking kill me, you know that?”

You reach up to slink your fingers around his wrists as his thumbs caress the soft skin beneath your eyes, “Got enough life left in you to talk?” You ask. Eddie’s eyes dance across your face, taking you in like it’s the last time he’ll ever get the chance to before he nods. “Always.”

The dressing room seems to be the altar of truth for you and Eddie.

It’s dawning on you that most of the pivotal moments between you and Eddie have been in a dressing room, so it’s not irrational for you to feel a bit uneasy when you step in, and Eddie closes the door.

He’s like a kid in a candy store, trying not to touch what he sees. His eyes are so bright, but you can tell he’s holding himself back from doing and saying the things he wants, and you appreciate that he’s giving you the space, waiting for you to give him your yes or no.

Eddie plops onto the couch in the middle of the room and looks at you with a glint in his eyes. You deeply breathe, shifting in your spot before leaning back against the door, tipping your head as you study him; thighs comfortably spread, inked stories fluttering to life with each rise and fall of his bare torso. He’s a dream.

“I thought you’d be way more upset.”

Eddie’s lips tug like he wants to smile at the sound of your voice, or maybe it’s the sight of you, and he shifts in his seat with a shrug, reaching into his pocket. He pulls out a cigarette and sticks it between his lips, and when you see him pat himself down, you’re already moving like it’s muscle memory.

You pick up the lighter on the coffee table and walk over to Eddie, sparking the flame as you speak, “You’re allowed to be upset, you know?” You remind him. Eddie’s gaze flickers in color as he looks up at you, and you try to ignore the goosebumps that rise up on your skin when his hand reaches up to rest on your hip, thumb caressing you over the material of your skintight dress. Streams of fire are licking up your spine as he leans forward to burn the end of the paper stick, and your center aches when he gently squeezes the fat of your hip. All throughout this, Eddie never lets his eyes fall from you.

He mumbles a short thank you once the cigarette lights, leaning back to rest against the seat as he looks up at you. You fight the urge to comb your fingers through his hair or do something dumb like climb into his lap. No doubt talking would fly out the window then.

You gently toss the lighter onto the coffee table and sit on the loveseat across from the pinnacle of your thoughts from the last six months. Eddie speaks around a cloud of smoke, “Do you want me to be upset?” He asks.

You shrug, trying your hardest not to break beneath his unwavering eye. “I don’t know.” 

Eddie smiles then, and the strings of your heart play a symphony to the notes of his voice when he speaks, “I was for a little bit,” He admits, tapping ash onto the carpet, “But then Wayne told me to get my head out of my ass.”

You huff out a laugh at that, and Eddie grins. “How is he?” You ask. Eddie tips his head back and forth like he’s thinking, “Same old man as before. Think he’s got a girlfriend now. He’s being an asshole about the details, though.” He rolls his eyes, and you snort. You’re happy to hear Wayne has a person for himself now; if anyone deserves it, it’s him.

You shift, like you can’t seem to get comfortable enough, and you know you’re stalling, and you can see Eddie fighting to not call you out, so you try to ease into it; “Is that when you stopped calling?” You ask.

Eddie stiffens under the question, and you know the answer. He grimaces and runs a hand over his face with a soft groan, “Fuck,” he curses, “Fuck, yeah, it was.” He answers. “I’m sorry, I’m a fuckin’ hothead. I had made it a goal to call every night and then—” “I upset you.”

Eddie’s eyes are soft, and you have to force yourself to keep your eyes on his, “It wasn’t fair what I did, Eddie; I’m sorry—”

Eddie shakes his head, briefly shutting his eyes as he waves you off, “Nah, fuck that. You don’t need to apologize—” “But I do. I told you I wanted space, and then a week later, I’m plastered on a fucking cover with Baine fucking Carter.” 

Baine Carter is a well-known songwriter within the industry. He’s got tracks spread all over the top charts, and he has a way of talking that can make just about anyone fall into a trance until you realize most of what he’s saying is just made-up bullshit. In hindsight, Baine wasn’t much different than most people in the music industry— it was a moment of weakness and pure vodka-weighted thinking. And, of course, it’s the moment when cameras find you.

“Kinda my fault too,” Eddie shrugs, “Camera’s wouldn’t have found you if I didn’t have press riding me.” And he’s right, but shitty press isn’t his fault, so how much of that can you really blame him for?

Eddie snickers at the memory of you painted on the cover of several magazines, “Think you’ve got a type, sweetheart.” He teases. Your face screws up in defense, and you scoff, “What does that mean?”

Eddie raises an eyebrow, “Come on, you’re gonna tell me you didn’t say my name when he—” “We didn’t do anything— firstly— and even if I did say your name, I would never in a million years admit it.” You point out with a raised eyebrow. 

Eddie smirks with a playful glint in his eye and he deeply breathes as he ashes his cigarette and rises to his feet. “I don’t care that you hooked up with Bain fucking Carter,” Eddie softly admits with a hint of a mocking grin, “Did it deeply wound me to the point where I almost thought I was gonna die? Yes.” He jokingly says, to which you want to roll your eyes at, but he’s stalking over to you like he’s some lion on the prowl, and all you can muster is a small huff with a mumbled, “You’re dramatic.”

Eddie stands in front of you and leans over to press his palms onto each side of your seat, leaning down until his face hovers above yours, “I’m kinda known for it, darling.” He winks.

Your core stirs at the proximity, and you can feel his breath against your top lip. “I will admit, though,” Eddie lets his hand drop to round over your bare knee, callused fingertips caressing your soft skin, “It gave me a huge ego boost seeing you with a literal replica of me.” He snickers, fingers dancing into the inside of your thigh. You huff, a playful glint in your eyes as you run your tongue across your teeth, “Yeah, I imagine your head couldn’t fit through the door for at least a month, huh?”

Eddie shrugs, “Depends. Which head we talking about, honey?”

You huff out a laugh, rolling your eyes when he gently squeezes at the warm skin of your thigh. You tip your head lower, holding your gaze on Eddie as you lowly speak, “I’m not having sex with you tonight, Eddie.”

Brown eyes flash with a familiar look you’d missed before they drop to your lips. “What about a kiss? Just one.” He presses. Your eyes narrow, “I doubt you could ever do just one.” 

“You’ll never know if you never try.” His lips twitch up into a sly grin, taunting you and pushing you until your brain is just a muddled mess of yes, no, yes, no, yes, n— fuck it.

It’s like a sigh of relief to have Eddie’s lips on yours after such a long time. Weeks of nights and days spent trying to remember how it felt having his plump lips pressed onto yours, how he tasted, how warm his tongue was when it slunk into your mouth. None of those times you’d try to remember, none of those phantom feelings that would breeze through your body could ever amount to how it actually feels— it’s as if you’re seeing color for the first time.

It’s a fucking kiss, that’s for sure.

It’s long, and it takes you both a second to relearn the kinks and maneuvers you both favor, but then it’s as if time never passed between your bodies— you’re moving like one unit, like every second of your lives has built up to this moment.

Unfortunately, air is a necessity to living, so you’re pulling away sooner than you’d wanted to. Eddie’s other hand is digging into the cushion beneath you, and you can practically hear his thoughts spinning as he wills himself to pull back. You shiver as his fingers squeeze your thigh one last time before slipping away. 

“How's that for a kiss?”

Brown eyes with pools of liquid gold, you missed the searing pain it gave you each time you reached out and touched. You purse your lips, tasting him on your tongue as you tip your head in thought— menthol and whiskey. “Care to answer a few questions? Pick up on our game?”

Eddie huffs out a laugh, breath tickling your nose as he snickers with a glint in his eyes. He studies you for a moment, like you might pull out and say never mind, but you only raise an eyebrow as you await an answer. “Your place or mine, honey?” He drawls.

You preen at the open door he’s lent you, “It’s your city, isn’t it?”

You don’t take the same car with Eddie to his place.

It’s not that you didn’t want to take the same car, but something about that look in Eddie’s eyes said that he absolutely wouldn’t be behaving on that car ride, and you immediately suggested separate vehicles. You’re unsure if you trust yourself to hold your promise in a confined space with Eddie… or maybe you don’t trust him… or— yeah, it’s both of you. Eddie wasn’t ecstatic about it, but you don’t care because you swear to god you aren’t going to fuck Eddie before you talk— like, really talk.

There are things that you both need to say, uncover, and express feelings about, and god forbid you get dicknotized before the words can come out correctly.

Eddie’s home is everything you thought it would be: chaotic in taste, lively, musical, whimsical, and all things that scream Eddie. The entryway is open and vast, with a clear view into the living room, where you can see a sunken living room build with guitars and papers strewn about. 

Eddie’s ushering you further into his home before you can look deeper into the entrance, but you don’t mind because his living area is like an artist's wet dream. There are comfy couches, red, cream, and colors alike, and there’s a rug in the middle that looks like a psychedelic trip of dark colors, and along one of the walls is a long shelf of endless records.

“I moved in like a year ago, so it’s not perfect, but… this is me,” Eddie says. You hadn’t been paying attention, but now that he walks into your line of vision, you can see his shoes are off, and his loose blouse is fully open. He looks like a fantasy; lean body dripped in expensive clothes and clinking jewelry, shoulders broad and sculpted beneath his wavy hair. Fuck.

You slip your shoes off and let your feet sink into his home's fluffy, deep red carpet, never once dropping your gaze from him as you walk over to the couch. “It’s beautiful, Eddie. It’s very you.”

You sink into his couch, turning so you can face him with your arms crossed over the back of the sofa as you watch him pick a record and set it up. Through the surround system of his home, the familiar riff to Tommy Bolin’s Shake The Devil rings. You watch Eddie sink a hand into his hair, shaking out his messy curls before pausing. The guitar is loud and you’re leaning forward when he snaps his head to dramatically look over his shoulder. You stifle a laugh, intrigued to see where he’s going with this— and you hate to admit that you begin enjoying the show when he turns around, fingers crafted and messily playing an air guitar to the track.

His stomach and chest flex with each of his moves, the buckle and button to his jeans open to flash you a dangerously low view of his happy trail leading to sinful places. He’s walking sex; head tilted back as he shreds the imaginary guitar, hips moving with the song as he walks toward you. He sinks to his knees in front of you, and with his living room being sunken and him still being on the higher level, you’re just in line with the view of his spread legs, crotch on full display. His teeth sink into his bottom lip as he gazes at you, switching to air drums before the words kick in. You can’t hide the smile that graces your lips as he dramatically sings along, leaning forward until his face is just inches in front of yours, ringed fingers reaching to cup your face. Standing face to face with the devil, huh?

Your hands have a mind of their own apparently because they reach out and coast up Eddie’s jean-clad thighs, nails scratching up against the material until your fingers hook into the belt loops of his jeans. You lean forward on your knees, sharing a breath with the pretty boy, and you smile. Eddie groans low in his throat, the breakdown of the song blasting in both your ears and your heart racing. His teeth dig into his lips like he’s trying to physically hold himself back, and you softly laugh. “Laughin’ at my misery?” He asks.

You shrug, “Maybe. You look fuckin’ hot.”

Eddie groans again, eyes rolling back into his head before he dives forward, nuzzling his face into your neck and faking a bite as you squeal. “Can’t say shit like that to me, princess. Wanna fuck the shit out of you.” His teeth drag against your pulse, and you squirm with a louder squeal, causing him to tumble forward, collapsing onto the couch with you, and your limbs mix like one big painting as he dramatically grunts on impact. He shifts until he’s laid on his back, head resting in your lap as he peers up at you.

“You staying the night?” He asks.

You snort, brushing a strand of hair from his face, “Didn’t I tell you we’re not having sex?” You remind him. Eddie huffs and digs his head into your lap as he shuffles in his spot, “Did I ask for sex just now?” He challenges. You raise an unconvinced eyebrow, “So, you want me to spend the night just to spend the night?”

Eddie’s eyes gleam as he looks up at you, “It’s been my dream.”

You roll your eyes, playfully shoving him off you with a huff, “Get me a drink, and I’ll think about it?”

Eddie hops up as if second nature, padding over to the stereo and turning it down just enough to hear you as he talks over his shoulder, ���Sure thing, honey; what would you like?”

Honey, honey, honey.

You want to drown in it.

You’re not listening as Eddie lists off the drinks he has, busy swirling in sticky, sweet, golden lakes and admiring the shift of Eddie’s hips and ass beneath his jeans. “Surprise me.” You respond.

“Copy that, madam.”

He doesn’t go far because there’s a built-in bar on the other side of the room, so you have the perfect view of him working his magic, mixing liquor and dropping ice cubes into a crystal glass. When he finishes making your drink, he turns and walks over to you with this glint in his eyes, and you feel your body heat under his gaze. “This one's on the house,” He says with a wink, handing you the drink. You thank him, taking the glass as he sits back onto the couch, sinking into the plush cushions and watching you gently sip before pulling a sour face.

He laughs, “Too strong?” He asks. You grimace with a shake of your head, smacking your lips, “No, no, it’s good. Thank you.”

Your legs are kicked up on the couch, and Eddie finds his fingers slinking around your bare ankle, gently squeezing, “Want something comfy?” He asks.

God, he’s relentless.

You laugh, “You really want me to stay,” You tease. Eddie sinks like he’s letting all inhibitions go as he answers, “Desperately.”

He can tell you’re cracking, and you have to hide your grin behind the glass as you shake your head in disbelief at yourself, “Fine. Go, before I change my mind.”

And Eddie’s sprinting up, holding his jeans up from falling as he jogs up the stairs with a happy cheer.

A half-hour passes, and you find yourself sitting on Eddie’s comfy living room floor, dressed in nothing but an oversized shirt of his because, in Eddie’s words, ‘there’s no need for pants in a home setting, sweetheart.’ You think he just wants easy access and an eyeful of your bare legs.

Eddie’s licking up the crease of a blunt and your body is warm with whiskey and the shrill of a jazzy melody from the radio. He’s so pretty, leaned over the glass coffee table, bare shoulders flexing, curly hair draping as a curtain as he works. He clicks his tongue when he’s done, and you raise an eyebrow, pressing your bare toes into his thigh when he scoots closer. “Up for a smoke?” He asks.

You don’t smoke much, not that you don’t enjoy a nice high, but you find yourself more appreciative of your highs when they’re spaced out and random. You nod, and Eddie grins, “Atta girl. Here, honorary first hit,” He passes the blunt to you, and you snicker, grasping it between two fingers and holding it up to your lips. Eddie helps you with a lighter, leaning forward to burn the end of the paper, and you take one good drag before pulling the bunt away, rolling the smoke into your lungs to settle as best as you can handle before you sputter out in a small coughing fit.

Your eyes water, and Eddie grins as you pass it to him, leaning forward to kiss your temple, “That was good, baby.”

You watch as he takes a hit of his own, huffing out a few coughs of his own, and jesus christ, why do rockstars always smoke devious shit? It’s strong, whatever Eddie has you smoking, and it only takes you three hits before you already feel a buzz coming, and Eddie looks so pretty with low eyes and rosy cheeks.

“Ready to play our game?” He rasps out.

“Mm.” You agree, reaching out to take another hit.

“Did you listen to the albums?”

I can't destroy what isn't there

Deliver me into my fate

If I'm alone I cannot hate

I don't deserve to have you

Oh my smile was taken long ago

If I can change I hope I never know

God, did you listen to the albums? Sure, you have it ingrained into your fucking mind, and it burns.

You smile, slowly blinking because, of course, that’s Eddie’s first question. You breathe out clouds of fairy dust as you speak, “Yes, I did. Did you read the magazine?” You ask.

Eddie nods, leaning back against the couch, extending his legs out as he eyes you, “I did. Which song did you like best?”

“Mm, the one with the drums.” You smile.

Eddie laughs, and you pass the blunt back to him before leaning back on the opposite couch, toes almost touching when you extend your legs across the carpet. “You’re a kiss-up, you know that?” He gestures to you, to which you only shrug.

Eddie crawls across the living room, and you fight the urge to reach out and thread your fingers through his hair as he plops himself right next to you, leaning against the couch as well. Your thighs are touching, and you can feel the warmth of him, and the smell of weed is wafting through the air, and you just want to nuzzle into Eddie’s chest and never leave.

“Miss me?” You teasingly ask. You can hear the slight smile in Eddie’s voice as he responds, “Negative. You?”

You snort, “Negative.”

You shuffle to lean against Eddie, and he can’t seem to help it when he reaches out to push your hair back gently. “What do you wanna be when you grow up?” You ask.

Eddie’s eyebrows pinch in confusion, no doubt lost by what you mean, considering he already has his lifetime job figured out, “What do you mean?”

You sigh, wriggling as you fight the urge to wrap your body around him, “I mean,” You shrug, “Well, you’re not gonna do this forever, right? Like, at some point, you’re going to have to throw in the towel, age, and whatnot,” You dismissively wave, “What will you do then?”

Eddie pauses and thinks for a moment, and if you couldn’t feel the warmth of his skin on yours, you would think he vanished into thin air. “I, uh…. Well, you’ll think it’s stupid.” He mumbles.

You frown, turning your head to look at him, “I won’t. Tell me. Please?”

He looks at you with these soft, fond eyes before nodding, “I wanna start a music school in Hawkins— maybe, like, a creative arts school, you know, something for the weirdos. Not just music geeks.” He admits. His tone is so soft, maybe the softest you’ve ever heard, and he’s fiddling with his rings like he’s nervous, and it’s the cutest sight you’ve ever seen.

“It’s not really celebrated there. Creativity, I mean.” He adds.

You stay quiet, allowing him to speak, “Everybody just lives to work dead-end jobs. Being creative is like… a sin or something, I don’t know. I just want to give the kids somewhere where they’ll feel… safe. Seen. Something I never got for myself.”

It’s… it’s fucking brilliant. It’s so brilliant it makes your chest ache, and you decide that you would do just about anything to make sure Eddie’s dreams of a music school come true.

“I told you it’s stupid. No one ever thinks it’s good.” He mumbles after a moment with your silence. You frown and shake your head, sitting up straight to look at him. “No. No, Eddie, it’s amazing…It’s fucking amazing, and you should do it. You have to do it.”

“You’re just playing nice.”

“No, seriously. Fuck whoever said it wasn’t a good idea, it’s brilliant.” You press on, and you want to lean in and pepper kisses all over his face because— seriously, who the fuck told him it was a shitty idea?

“I grew up in a small town too, and— shit, it was not fun wanting to be something other than a nurse or a teacher. Got a lot of shit trying to ‘reach for the stars’,” You huff out a laugh. Eddie’s eyes are so gentle as they gaze at you that you almost melt. “I would’ve appreciated something like that. Munson’s School of Arts.”

Eddie snorts at that, pink lacing with yours as a smile spreads across your lips, “Not bad actually, I might name it that.”

It’s a back and forth of that for a while, silly questions amongst genuine ones until you find yourselves sat next to each other, arms pressed together, bodies yearning to wrap around each other as you fiddle with the strings of Eddie’s carpet. And there’s something, you know. Eddie feels something that he’s not telling you, and it’s killing you because it’s what you need to hear before you take the plunge. “Are you angry with me?” You softly ask.

Eddie’s quiet for a moment, and the blunt was snuffed out a while ago, so he’s not taking a drag but instead just stalling. “I mean,” he pauses, “I already told you, Birdie. What’s the point in going back on it?”

You frown, glancing at him, “Because I want you to tell me how you feel, Eddie.” You respond.

Eddie’s silent again for a longer moment, and you want to whine when he shifts away to sit in front of you. He folds his legs up, resting his elbows over his knees as he sits face to face with you, “Do you want me to be angry with you?” He steadily asks.

Your blink, “I— no?” 

Eddie raises an eyebrow, and you huff, “Honestly, a little bit, yes. It’s okay to be angry with me, Eddie; that’s what I’m trying to say.”

Eddie’s demeanor is unwavering as he blinks at you, but his tone is accusing, “Do you want me to be angry with you so you can feel justified?”

And, ouch.

That’s not the truth at all. Or maybe it’s some truth, but in your true feelings, that’s not what you mean. It’s only a fleeting thought because you’re human, after all, right?

“That’s not fair,” You frown with a small shake of your head. Eddie raises another eyebrow, and you tilt your head, “I’m only trying to be as transparent as possible, Eddie. That was the main issue.” You remind him.

Eddie turns to the coffee table, grabs your forgotten glass of Jack Daniels, and takes a swig for himself. “You wouldn’t tell me how you felt, and I was always left in the dark.” You say.

“And I’m telling you right now that I’m not angry.” He’s teetering on the edge of irritated now, and you tilt your head. “I listened to the album, Eddie. I listened to the song; you’re seriously gonna tell me you’re not angry?” 

Eddie can only glance at you then, and your frown deepens. “That’s… different.”

“How, Eddie? It’s about me—” “Yeah, because you fucking walked out on me on closing night,” Eddie exclaims. “How was I supposed to feel?”

Your chest tightens as you look into the eyes of your dreams, lyrics swirling in your mind because you’ve fucking memorized every word. You listened to it until you felt sick, dizzy with a whirlwind of regrets and what-ifs.

You sold me out to save yourself

And I won't listen to your shame

You ran away, you're all the same

Angels lie to keep control

Your chest aches when the lyrics echo in your mind.

“I just want you to be honest with me. If I made you feel that way—” “No, that’s not—” Eddie shakes his head, pinches the bridge of his nose, and cringes like it's painful. “That’s not it at all— fuck.” He puts the glass down and scoots back over to you; knees pressed into the fluffy carpet beside your thighs as he leans in and cups your face, eyes darting over your pretty features. “I was angry, and I was a shithead, and I had people talking in my ear and— shit. Please don’t think you ever blame yourself for that, please.”

Your fingers are cold, but Eddie’s wrists are warm beneath your fingertips as you frown up at him, “Just tell me how far out you are, Eds.”

Eddie looks at you with soft eyes, a callused thumb running under the delicate skin beneath your eye. He leans forward, pressing his lips against your forehead, and you preen, nuzzling forward and sinking into his warmth and scent that you’ve missed for so long.

“Not far,” He responds, lips brushing over your skin. “You?”

You hum, body reeling as Eddie slinks his arms around you, “Not far.”

Forty minutes and another blunt later, and Eddie’s floating in the fucking sky.

Eddie can’t believe it really, having you in front of him, next to him, limbs pressed to limbs with your laugh ringing in his ears— Eddie thinks this is some sick, realistic dream.

It’s tender, the space you’ve both created. You’re both fragile and reactive in the best way, like a healing exposed nerve, and Eddie will be forever in your debt for how patient you are with him. He’s not good at talking about real shit, but he’s trying to fix that, and you make it easier because you push him in the way he needs to be— you encourage him to say what he feels even if he’s afraid he might end up shooting himself in the foot and chasing you away again because— ‘It’s the only way things will get better.’

But you’ve always been patient. You were patient six months ago, and you’re patient now. You know exactly what you want, and you’re firm in what you say and feel, and it makes Eddie feel safe.

He’s never had this kind of thing— he’s never had a relationship where someone talks and leaves room for him to speak as well— two-way communication or whatever the fuck Robin says. It’s different, and it’s good, and Eddie thinks he must have shit taste if it’s taken him this long to realize it.

Chrissy never really cared for what Eddie wanted or preferred, or how something she did would make him feel. Eddie, at the time, didn’t think much of it and was more than happy to ride along with her ‘low maintenance’ nature, but it only cut him off from growth more than anything.

Whatever. It doesn’t matter anymore because Chrissy is in the past, and you— you’re so pretty standing on Eddie’s couch in just his shirt with a blunt hanging between your fingers. You’ve just returned from changing the record— Surrealistic Pillow; Eddie knew the second you dropped the needle and watched you spin around with a shit-eating grin. 

“Hippie shit,” Eddie mutters as you hop down from his couch. Your eyes narrow, “Hey,” you nudge your foot against his thigh, “Don’t be an asshole. It was on your shelf anyway.”

Eddie slinks his hand around your calf, blinking up at you as you stand over him. You reach down, the burning blunt standing between your fingers, and Eddie happily parts his lips to let you slip the tip in. Burning sativa licks up the sides of Eddie’s brain, and he melts when your other hand sinks into his hair, gently pressing his bangs back as his eyes flutter. You hum, and Eddie’s lips tip into a smile as the smoke churns in his chest. Your knuckles curl into his roots, and Eddie could fucking cum right now, no questions asked.

He’s harder than a rock, and he’s not ashamed when he sinks his hand down the open fly on his jeans to palm himself, lowly groaning as he tips his head up, playfully blowing clouds of smoke up your shirt and grinning when you squeal. He chuckles, hand slinking further up your leg to grip the fat of your thigh as he tilts his head to nip his teeth at the inside of your knee.

He turns to let his chin rest on your thigh, blinking up at you with hazy eyes, “Let me in, baby.” He pleads.

You sink to your knees until you’re face to face, and Eddie’s hands glide under your shirt, warm and itching to explore as he feels the flutter of your lungs beneath his fingertips. “No funny business, Munson.” You remind him, swatting him away when his fingers prod at the cup of your bra. Eddie grins, brain fuzzy and warm, and he can’t stop himself from leaning forward and planting a quick kiss against your lips.

“I have something for you.” He says. Your eyebrows raise, and Eddie smiles, standing up with a grunt and shaking out his stiff limbs. “Don’t move,” He points to you before padding off.

The gift Eddie has for you has been with him since the fourth week he knew you. He’s been holding onto it for so long because he’s been a coward and didn’t know how to form the words ‘I’m sorry’ with his tongue— but now, Eddie’s riding on a high, and he needs you and wants you all the time and there’s no better time than now, right?

He’s holding the gift behind his back when he steps into the living room, and he smiles at the sight of you laid out on his floor, eyes closed as you sink into the music. You’re on cloud nine, Eddie can tell.

He drops to his knees over you, pressing his free hand into the floor beside your head, and his hair creates a curtain over you when you look up at him. “You look… tempting, to say the least.”

Your eyes playfully narrow at Eddie, and you squirm beneath him, “What’re you hiding behind your back?”

There are tears in your eyes as you blink down at the gift in your hands, and you know Eddie must think you’re insane for crying over a book— a journal at that. It’s a pale yellow colored leather, with two leather straps that are tied into a neat bow, and in the corner, your name is stamped in tiny cursive gold letters— your real name. 

It’s a replica of your old journal, the one that had gotten ruined when you tore the pages out to prove a point. But you don’t understand— “How did you get this?” You ask in a soft voice.

Eddie grins, reaching out to thumb at your bottom lip, eyes soft as he watches your eyes dance over the journal. “Called in a favor from Michigan.” He jokingly says. Your chest aches, and you frown when you look up at him, fingers tight around the binding of your gift, “You talked to him?”

Eddie snickers, “Yeah. Got a lot of shit from him first, I’ll tell you that,” He pauses and scratches at the back of his neck, “He told me he hates my music.”

You laugh at that, body warm with adoration because, yeah, that sounds like your grandfather. You sniffle, wiping under your eyes, “How did you know?” You ask.

Eddie shrugs as he sits next to you, “The cover of your journal had his name on it, so I kind of pieced it together since you share a last name.”

You don’t know what to think, what to say. It’s the kindest thing Eddie (or anyone) has ever done for you. Your grandfather had been in the business of handmaking journals for as long as you can remember; he was part of the reason why you took such a liking to journalism. He had a brief history in journalism himself, and he would sit and go through his best works with you when you struggled to fall asleep— he helped you see the world through the lens of an artist, and you never looked back.

You’re elated as you run your hands over the pages, imagining what the phone call between Eddie and your grandfather was like. You wish you could’ve been there to hear it; you wish you could’ve brought Eddie to meet him in person because even though your grandfather acted tough and mighty, he had the softest heart you’ve ever known, and he would’ve adored Eddie.

You huff out a laugh, shaking your head as you put the journal on the coffee table. You huff, turning to clamber onto Eddie’s lap, glaring at him as your hands dig into his shoulders, “I hate you so much.”

Eddie grins at you, and you drop your head to his chest, snuggling further into him when he wraps his arms around you. You grumble against his chest, turning your head to speak, “You’re making it so hard.” You complain.

You feel the rumble of Eddie’s voice in his chest as he hums, “Hm?”

Eddie shifts beneath you, and you sigh, turning your head up to nuzzle against the base of his throat. Your teeth drag across his skin, red lines left in their wake before you let your tongue coast up his pulsing vein, mouth kissing and suckling at what you can reach— and Eddie whimpers.

“You know…It’s past midnight.”

“Fffuck–”

Eddie’s dead.

He’s gone. Six feet under. In the next life, body turned back to dust, never coming back, dead. This must be the seventh circle of heaven— is that a thing? Or is that only hell?

Either way, Eddie’s on an entirely different plane of heaven as you press your body against his, knees tightening around his waist as he pulls you close and smears his lips against yours. He can feel the heat of your core through his pants, and his hips have a mind of their own when they buck up into you.

Your fingers are blind and eager when they wriggle through the tight space between you and Eddie, but it sends shivers up Eddie’s spine when you drag your nails down the soft skin of his lower pelvis.

Eddie’s lips part against yours, and he’s licking into your mouth, tongue flicking at your top lip as you shakily moan. “What happened to no sex tonight?” He lowly teases. His hands sink beneath your shit, squeezing at your hips and guiding the roll of your hips.

“Shut up, Eddie.” You whine, fingertips digging into his shoulders when he rubs against your covered clit. Eddie smiles, watching as your face twists in pleasure, and his chest nearly bursts because you’re so fucking pretty.

“You want me?” He asks.

Your lips twitch into a smile, and your hands slide down his arms to rest over his wrists that flex as they work you back and forth over his crotch. “Yeah,” You breathe, tipping your head down to hover your lips over Eddie’s, “I do. I want you, Eddie.”

Eddie’s tongue runs over his lips, and he catches your bottom lip, and you lick out to catch his tongue before pressing your lips together. Eddie uses one hand to cup your face, “You’re not curious where my dick’s been while we were apart?” He teases.

And if you weren’t practically humping Eddie right now and thinking straight, you probably would’ve choked Eddie out or something— but you only mewl and grind down harder. “Not funny.”

Eddie hums, fingers dancing across the band of your panties before dipping past the barrier. He feels like a pirate who’s finally found the hidden treasure, eyes squeezing shut as he tries to ground himself because, Jesus Christ, you’re so fucking wet.

His cock feels strangled and achy in his jeans, and he imagines how good it’ll feel to sink his cock into you as he swirls a gentle finger around your entrance. “For the record,” He drawls, watching your lips part when he dips his finger into you, “It’s been nowhere. My dick, I mean.”

You breathlessly laugh, hips wriggling, your pussy eager for more. “Been beating it with my fist for the last six months, so. Just want you to know— it’s only you, baby.”

You mewl, leaning forward to press your forehead against Eddie’s as you grind against him, shivering when he finally sinks a finger into you, drawing out to circle your clit with sticky arousal before sinking back in with two fingers.

You’re sharing each breath, taking each other in and out; Eddie watches with low eyes as your face twists in pleasure.

“Take it off,” He grumbles, “Take your shirt off.”

You’re moving like it’s second nature. Shaky hands reaching down to loop around the loose shirt, dragging it up and over your body— and Eddie’s head tips back with a groan. “Jesus fuck,” He curses, one hand busy working you as the other reaches down to palm your breast, “When did you take your bra off, you fuckin’ minx?”

You whimper against Eddie’s lips when he kisses you, the force of his eagerness pushing you back. Eddie keeps pressing you back, shuffling and moving around so he can press you down onto your back and hover over you. “Wanna taste you. Let me taste you.” He begs.

You shake your head, lips messily smearing against his, “No. No, you said—” god, Eddie can’t stop fucking kissing you, “You said you’ll let me have you next time, Eds.” You whine.

Fuck, you’re so fucking cute. You’re a goddamn dream pouting up at Eddie, grinding against his fingers as he ticks them up against your walls. “Yeah? You want me?” Eddie breathlessly asks. Your lips are pouty and swollen as you nod, “Already told you I did.” You say.

It takes everything in Eddie to pull away from you, and he thinks he’s gonna marry you when you reach out for him. Thinks he wants to just whisk you away and live on the side of a secluded mountain or some shit. Thinks he wants you to be the mother of his kids when you smile up at him as he rises to his feet, gazing down at you over the apple of his cheeks as he removes his jeans. You’re so pretty, hair spread out beneath you, tits on full display, tummy fluttering with each drag and push of your breaths. You’re lightly dragging the tip of your finger down your stomach, a teasing glint in your eyes as Eddie throws his hair into the shittest bun known to man, and fuck, you’re dipping your hand between your thighs.

Yeah. This is heaven, and you’re god.

Eddie thinks he’ll spend the rest of his life on his knees worshipping you.

Eddie’s body is warm when he crawls back over you, his body now bare, save for the chains that dangle from his neck. One cross, one guitar pick, one pentagram. They’re cold when they drag up the valley of your chest, and your body perks up with chills.

You slink your arms around Eddie’s shoulders, titling your head up to kiss him as your fingers curl into his messily tied hair. “Give me what I want, Eds.” You softly say against his lips. “Fuck my mouth, please.”

Eddie curses, rutting his cock against the inside of your thigh, and he nods, “Yeah. Fuck. Okay, yeah. Just lay here and look pretty, baby.”

The lasting effects of the three blunts you’d shared with Eddie are swirling through your body, and you feel like you’re on cloud nine as Eddie straddles your hips. He’s the prettiest sight to ever reach your eyes, toned arms, and chest working in tandem as he reaches down to wrap a fist around his cock— and god; you forgot how pretty his cock was. The tip is ruddy and flushed, and your core twists when he angles himself up, and you see the piercing beneath his tip. You definitely hadn’t forgotten about that little detail these past months.

Eddie’s chest is rising and falling quickly and stray pieces of hair cling to his lips when he licks them. You watch with wide, eager eyes as Eddie strokes himself, ringed fingers running against the soft skin of his shaft, pretty hisses curling through his teeth when he thumbs the slit of his tip.

“Quit teasing,” You whine, squirming beneath him. Eddie grins, breathlessly panting as he looks at you, “So impatient.” He mumbles, shifting further up your body until the inside of his thighs press against the side of your tits. You can feel the cool drag of his rings against your sternum, and it sends licks of fire through your core. “My baby’s so impatient, hm?” He taps his cock against your chest, and your frown, fingers digging into his thighs.

“Lucky you’re cute.”

Eddie’s then shuffling and moving around so you’re both comfortably positioned as he kneels over your face, pretty cock glistening above your lips. You open your mouth and let your tongue hang out, ready for Eddie to feed his cock to you, and he chuckles, tapping his swollen tip against your tongue before dragging it to tease you. 

It’s good. It’s so good. The taste of him, the feel of him, the pretty noises he makes. You can feel the cold barbell dragging across your tongue with each slow thrust he gives you, and you can’t wait to feel it inside you again. You’ve been dreaming about it for weeks on end now.

He pulls out with a slick pop, tapping his tip against your lips as he hums, “Ready? Gonna give you what you want now.”

You’ve never nodded so fast in your life.

He’s thrusting in and out of your mouth at a mind-numbing and thigh-clenching rate for just under five minutes before he starts to break. You can feel it in the stutter of his hips, the twitch of his cock on your tongue, the shuddered moans and grunts. You reach up to drag your nails down the soft skin of his stomach, and Eddie whimpers for the second time, and you think it might be your favorite sound— you want more.

He’s pulling out with a curse, squeezing at his tip, and you’re such a fucking tease; you lean forward to kitten lick at his aching tip and hum when he hisses. He shuffles back just enough to lean forward and press a messy kiss to your lips, humming at the taste of himself on your tongue.

“Fuck me, Eddie. Please. Want it so bad it hurts.”

“Jesus fuck— turn around.”

You’re shaking, and Eddie’s touch feels like fire as he helps you flip over to lean on all fours. His hands coast up your back and into your hair, and you push your body back into him, ass pressing against his wet cock as you moan when his fingers curl into your hair.

His other hand smooths over your ass, heavily slapping it once before gripping the warm skin as he speaks beside your ear, “Wanna fuck your ass one day, hm? Gonna let me? Say you’ll let me.” “Oh my god,” You roll your eyes with a smile, tipping your head to the side when Eddie kisses your neck before nipping at your ear. You can feel the curve of his smile against your skin, and it makes your chest flutter as he pulls you up to press your back against his chest.

He’s reaching down between you to grasp his cock and paint it against your wet cunt, and you lose your breath. “Come on. Say you’ll let me fuck your pretty ass.” He practically begs.

You moan when he slips his head in, teasing you with what he knows you want. Your head rolls back to rest against his shoulder, and he hums, slinking his other hand up to cup your throat as he continues teasing himself in and out of your pussy.

You smile, lazy and high and blissed out, “No.”

Eddie groans at that, fingers tightening around your throat as he sinks in deeper. “Not even a finger?”

You push your fingers through his hair, his curly strands nothing but a tangled mess within his hair tie. Your legs tremble as you wriggle back into him, but your voice is steady as you speak, “Fuck me first, and maybe I’ll think about it.”

Eddie takes that as a challenge, apparently, because next thing you know, he’s slamming into you and pressing in to the fucking hilt— all big and pierced and toe curling to the point where your moans turn flat, and all you can do is lace your fingers through his that rest on your hip and hold on for dear fucking life.

He’s pressing you face-first into the carpet, making sure your cheek rests against the couch pillow that had been thrown aside earlier. His fingers are clenched around yours, digging into your hip as you whine and moan into his floor, sobbing out his name with each groundbreaking thrust he gives you.

It’s all-consuming; the way Eddie’s fucking you, the filthy words slipping from his mouth, the lingering effects of weed— god, you feel like an exploding star.

Supernova shit or something like that.

Eddie’s cursing and spilling dirty words of encouragement when you come, leaning over to press his chest against your back and coo into your ear.

“Such a good girl for me.”

“Keep squeezing me like that, baby. You’re so good.”

“Y’sound so pretty when you’re coming on my cock.”

You’re breathless and quivering, and a pitiful whine slips from you when Eddie pulls out, but you can feel him as he wraps his hand around his cock and finishes off, pretty moans pressed into the skin on the back of your neck. The feeling of his sticky release dripping onto your ass makes you want to go at it again already.

He’s peppering kisses across your neck and shoulders, and your body slumps onto the ground in exhaustion, but you smile when he presses his lips to yours.

“So, was that good enough? Have I been granted access to the holy grail?”

You glare at Eddie from where his chin is hooked over your shoulder. He raises a suggestive eyebrow, and you huff. “I’ll tell you what,” You start, shifting and purposely rubbing your ass back against his sensitive cock, smiling when he hisses.

“Make up for the last six months first, and I might be able to cut you a deal.”

“Now you’re just stringing me along.”

You hum, “Oh, like you did with me some months ago?”

Eddie pauses at that, eyes narrowing at you, and you think— fuck, maybe that was too soon. But then a smile cracks across his face, “Touché.”

He sighs and sits up, peeling himself from your sticky skin before gently patting your hip. “Ass up, baby. Got a lot of making up to do, and we’re on a tight schedule.”

And you think to yourself, with the scent of Eddie whirling around you and his touch all over you and his pretty voice in your ear, that yeah, you can work through this together. Even if the process will tear you to shreds all over again.

After all, that’s the price of falling for a rockstar, isn’t it?

————

the end.

————

a/n: HOLY SHIT GUYS

if you've made it to the end of this long-winded (and incredibly late, I'm so sorry) ending to this story i can not thank you enough. these two have been so fun to write and i don't plan to leave them completely in the dust so they're not gone forever, but thank you so much to everyone who read and shared and commented. this story has allowed me to meet the most beautiful, kind, funny, and loving people I've ever had the pleasure of talking to and that will be my biggest takeaway from this journey🥹

the biggest thank yous to my pretty mutuals who have been here the whole way, ilysm and want to shrink you guys and put you in my pocket <3

anyway, i'll shut up now, i hope i was able to do these two justice with their ending!! i love and appreciate all kinds of feedback, and as always, thank you for reading, ily <3

————

cutie lil taglist: @mastermindmiko @whataboutbibi @ryanmxrie @ihatepeanutss @tlclick73 @motherfckerrr @emxxblog @ye0nvibezzn @eddiesguitarskills @bibieddiesgf @chloe-6123 @micheledawn1975 @demxnicprxncess @emma77645 @sidthedollface2

@daddyhetfield @s-u-t @hereforshmut @mmunson86 @welcometohellsock @lma1986 @birdsinmywalls @animechick555 @sheneedsrocknroll92 @spideydreams00 @lorosette @prestinalove @sirensleepingsoundly @nabiiturner @catherinnn

@mossiswriting @kellsck @joannamuns9n @siriuslysmoking @mysteris-things @amazingori @honey-eyed-munson @saintlike78 @eddieslooneymoonie @alexa4040 @yujyujj

[amerasdreams]

1st car accident in 12 years....

😡

I was tired bc I woke up too early. And like I said before, if I wake up early the meds don't wear off as fast after I wake up. I thought it wasn't too early and I've driven with the meds before (sleeping pill before bed so you'd think it had been worn off by now...) but my mind was worse today for some reason.Slow. maybe I woke up earlier than I thought. 😞

I went to some pets right away this morning and wrote there so i didn't have to go back and forth. Perhaps stayed all day except i didn't have food there and i needed to make a rhubarb pie for my sister I'm going to visit tomorrow for the 1st time since she had her baby. I went to the nearest store (except the other main one... I thought this one was more likely to have rhubarb) and there was a parking space right on the corner (this is a small parking lot... I should've parked across the street) and I thought I had a lot of space.

apparently not.

Scraaaaape.

I hate this. I wanted never to cause a car accident again. I thought i was past this. But whatever is going on with me.... my mind was not shape enough to park -- too complicated of a movement. :(.

Being too hot and lack of food doesn't help. This weather -- snow and then sun.... it was lunch time and i hadn't had lunch yet. That was probably the thing that made it go over the edge. My mind just. Phases out if i don't eat. Like, if im doing anything I can't really do it if I didn't have food yet, even if I haven't missed lunch by an hour. I hate this

We exchanged details. At least it was just a smallish scrape

But my insurance will go up 😡 cant afford anything....

At least I ound some rhubarb.

And I got some lunch bc I needed it or I might have another car accident. A really good wrap (food coop which is a little more expensive but this was $2 off)

Now I have to somehow have enough energy to make the pie. And go back to the pets for supper.......

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

6:55 am pdt 4 January 2023 Wednesday

minutes ago it felt that incubus stabbed probably intestines and I felt tension or pressure that hurt 😖😖😖😖😵😵😵😵 at least 4+ spots. Incubus is probably trying to give me leaky gut. Are different rice 🍚 and still giving diarrhea. 😵😵😵😵🥺

I believe he had a secret relationship with Sierra LaMar, and kidnapped her. and he’s trying to kill me bcz I’m similar to her: she was 5’2”; I was 5’1.5” before 2017. We both are half Asian and half white. We both have dark hair and brown eyes 👀? We both grew up with a sister. Dads are white. Moms are Asian. I talked to someone online who offered to buy plane ✈️ tickets 🎫 to meet him because he liked me so much is what he said.

Sierra LaMar was active on the internet/Twitter. I found something online, I hope 🤞 I was not being gas ⛽️ lit 🔥. There was a rumor she had a secret? Boyfriend. I think they got the wrong guy. 7:06 am pdt Sierra and I are both born on Saturdays too I think 💭? We are also complementary astrological zodiac signs 🪧 ♎️ Libra. She’s born year of the rat 🐀 and I’m year of the ox 🐂. Sie air ah. Sea 🌊 air 🌬 7:10 am pdt she was a cheerleader 📣? And then she stopped 🛑 ✋??? When she went missing she was wearing a sweatshirt (sharks hockey 🏒). I had hypotheses but I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if I researched enough to see if it could be true. If Sierra had a secret boyfriend, did her grades drop too much bcz of him and had to drop out of cheerleading? We see stuff about was it ecstasy? Alcohol 🍷 drinking? Where did she get those and how? Was she getting allowance enough to buy? Even though she’s no longer in cheer , was it bcz of bad grades ? Would her parents still give her allowance if she had bad grades?? Did the secret boyfriend give it to her? Was he a drug dealer? An addict? If he was the one, how did he afford the drugs? It’s a rock and roll 🎸 kinda lifestyle to do drugs, no? 7:18 am pdt

is it possible the secret boyfriend got her pregnant 🤰 and she was hiding it? Did she put her trust in the wrong people? Were they rich drug dealers who had friends in Saratoga California? Did the cops hastily assume it was a hoax and that she was dead ☠️ without finding her body? Is it not a huge disservice to those that are missing to be assumed dead ☠️?

looking back at crimes such as Jaycee? Dugard? And Elizabeth smart, we know that there was a lot that wasn’t done before. I read they interviewed past s*x offenders, but was that a waste of time? Aren’t they more likely to be watched? Therefore less likely to do something again? I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ I would think so. Why is it that people who live in a rich 🤑 area with probably high income would be overlooked? When they probably have the most free time and resources to be organized high crime? 7:28 am pdt I guess we should look at uvaldi ? Shooting as a clue. Maybe some cops 👮‍♀️ are scared shitless 💩. 7:29 am pdt or maybe they’re involved with prostitution and they assumed prostitution is ok. 👌 PAIN 👂 ear 7:30 🕢 am pdt

7:31 am pdt if incubus is their god, then I guess so! 7:31 am pdt

7:31 am pdt I once saw online antolin’s birth year is goat 🐐. Trying to remember if I saw 👀 his month and day. 5 years difference between Sierra and Antolin. Same difference btwn me and the guy I first assumed was the one I was talking to when I found a social media profile years later with the same email address that was used to talk to me. 7:34 am pdt a lot of sirens 🚨 passed and incubus is still roasting me in the rib cage area/making me 😷 cough. I read recently Antolin was a father and lived with the mother of his children? 👶 at the time. 7:37 am pdt do you think 🤔 he could have done it? 7:37 am pdt

10:42 am pdt I fell asleep 😴 and woke up to my right hand 🤚 being roasted alive!!!! 🧐😞😖🥵😤😫😭🥺😱😰 why are they doing this to me?!?!?!?!?! They are always actors trying to pretend they are decent when they are not! DONT be fooled by they’re innocent 😇 looks and talk every thing he said about being hot 🥵 was directed towards me and immediately before all the news came out about cheating on behati prinsloo he was trying to convince me that I am the mother who’s children and his real wife!!!!! So within the last 24 hours when I found a reel on Instagram it read the note 📝 and the way it sounded suddenly felt it was directed at me when they read the I should not have spoken to anyone else but my wife...!!!! I guess sumner and Maryka are his wives already and I’m not even though he tried to put in my head that we have 3 kids already together. 10:52 am pdt. I never said to his Sagittarius ♐️ friend that I liked him. He moved too quickly into kissing 😽 me for that to happen and once it happened I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ I seem have difficulty falling in love. I fell in love with guys I never kissed 💋!!!! But once the relationship moves too quickly into the physical I tend NOT to fall in love. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if it’s a curse, or coincidence (HOT left side lung 🫁 cough 😷), I seem to fall into a weird mental and weird emotional situation/phase that it makes it even more difficult for me to be myself when I already have a curse on me/my feelings/ automatic negative thoughts 💭. He’s REALLY trying to kill me. He made my body look 👀 absurd and unrealistically HOT 🥵 scar tissue that I wish you saw 👀 (not saw 🪚!!!!) 🎶🎼🎵 red hot chili 🌶 peppers 🌶 11:02 am pdt 😭😱😭😱😭😱😭😱😭

when I was seeing Sagittarius ♐️ Friend of incubus I remember him asking, probably before he forced me to have sex with him, he asked if I liked him, in the middle/in between making out with him, I remembered looking 👀 away and feeling shame and guilt that I was not able to feel more than physical attraction him at that point. I remember not replying!!!! And the silence should have been the answer within itself. And I think I remember we might have continued making out again. I recently thought 💭 I remembered being the car 🚗 with him sometime maybe 🤔 was it days after, laying in the back seat 💺, probably before he forced me to have sex with him (please refer to prior posts for more details) in his bedroom 🛌 , he was on top of me and he pulls his dick 🍆 out of I think 🤔 was it sweat 💦 pants 👖? And I asked him something like this : are you ready for little feet 🦶 of scotties (he goes by middle name Scott, like it’s his first name) to be running 🏃‍♂️ around? Translation: are you ready for Scott junior or babies 👶 - for me to be pregnant 🤰? He had a weird eyes 👀 staring off as if he was a deer 🦌 in headlights kind of look 👀 in his eyes. No answer verbally so I pulled his pants 👖 up probably gently too over his dick 🍆. And I think 🤔 it happened before? He forced me to have sex with him ? (I f I say no the first time - don’t FORCE me to change my answer 😡🤬) it’s as if he decided to have amnesia. 11:17 am pdt

I never said to any man I had sex with that I was pregnant 🤰. I heard some cultures you know what happens if you are caught in bed 🛌 together doing it the parents will force the man 👨 at gun point to marry the daughter. I’m glad I’m not married NOW. 😡🤬 that actually happened to my mom’s ex-boyfriend. And before she found out, the promise ring 💍 he gave her fell off her hand 🤚 and into a river. 11:21 am pdt it was a sign 🪧 from god that he cannot keep his promises. That man 👨 was rich and he was 25 years old when she was 16 years old. My mom said she wanted/needed finish her education FIRST Before getting married (marriage = pregnancies 🤰 ). I see a lot of weird accounts on Instagram come up 🆙 saying Adam Noah Levine is their baby daddy 😱🤯😱😭😖🥵😤 it’s so weird to me that it’s very likely TRUE that he is a father to multiple women’s babies 👶 and he probably doesn’t really care about any of them. I was going to type something then I suddenly forgot. Herschel walker? Was it ? His son, Christian walker? On Twitter I found him complaining that his father is the father to other children after him and that he’s not a good father and he pretends to be. Makes me think Adam Noah Levine thinks he’s special and exempt from being monogamous. My mom grew up 🆙 around the Catholic Church ⛪️ she said they gave free cookies 🍪. She said even if you are divorced god still only recognizes your first marryiage only. When 2 become 1 🎶🎼🎵 spice girls. 11:31 am pdt imagine how difficult it is to raise a child 👶 as a single parent needing someone to help watch the kid 🧒 who you can trust who you hope cares as much as you do as the mother, but you don’t Bcz he ran off to father another baby 👶 with a different woman 👩🏻? Can a man 👨 ever love ❤️ a child the same as a mother when she grows the baby 🍼 in her own belly? 🛎 if you watched Ellen with behati prinsloo as guest to save the rhinos 🦏 you might have seen and heard 👂 her say she can’t do 5, even if Adam wants it she has to carry it herself. It’s a big deal if a man wants to be “Don Juan”. But you know what? Don’t try to change them. Let them be. 11:38 am pdt it seems like a nice, fairy 🧚🏽‍♀️ tail/tale idea 💡 that there could be a lasting romantic friendship love 💕, but is it only a figment of our imagination 💭 that men are willing to participate in the SHORT RUN 🏃🏻‍♀️? Not the long, genuine, monogamous devoted marriage ideal? 🃏 joker clown 🤡 to contribute as an “actor” in a temporary fantasy? 11:42 am pdt 😔😞😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😖😭😖😭😖😭🥺😰

this is a frightening world we live in, where the “friendly” faces we see are all acts. Especially on a big stage. 11:44 am pdt

men are frightening. And this is their world. They own us and abuse us and make it harder for us intentionally, in all sorts of ways from conception and birth to pregnancy and old age. I accidentally put an emoji after age 😏 that one. I don’t have this on my face now and I don’t think I will ever naturally smirk like that about old age especially with what I have been going through. 11:47 am pdt 😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤

11:48 am pdt hungry 😞 . if it’s a joke to sumner and Maryka and Alyson that I’m burning 🥵 to death ☠️ which I’m starting to think 🤔 and feel now after a lot of reviewing, I feel very disturbed and disappointed at the world 🌎 we live in and who we call gods. I do feel guilt and shame every day of my life and it helped kept me celibate on some days which add up to a lot of days since I have been celibate for more than 10 years by choice I had believed. I really had to swear off dating permanently to enable this to be a reality. When someone is addicted because of demonic forces, like alcoholism I think some people really have to stay away from it physically? My mom dated someone who had a history of being an alcoholic and when the 3 of us moved in together she made me carry a wine 🍷 bottle to a neighbor and gave it to her for free. 11:55 am pdt sometimes people are more sympathetic to other people’s curses. Probably generational curses, too. 🧙‍♀️ 🧙 Merlin 🧙‍♂️ incubus offspring. Working for kings. Maybe kings of alcoholic beverages? Fueled capitalism. Their god = devil 👿? 11:58 am pdt

5:30 🕠 pm pdt 5:31 pm pdt 5:33 pm pdt I think I hear 👂 rain 🌧 tummy ache 😖 stomach pain incubus hurt 😞 me . I really believe he’s raping my cousin. 🤢 gross 🤮. Dispicable. He gave me signs 🪧 to mislead me. He made me hot and he made all year hot 🥵 here. And last year, too. These last 5 years he has been robbing me of strength. In 2019 I found online 60 year old woman 👵 body builder with awards/or trophy 🏆 for strength competitions. At beginning of year I was scared 😱 I think I remember and then they made me fall backwards on my back ribs against the coffee ☕️ table = it was strong 💪. Now it’s weak. They were conning me, tricked me into thinking they were strengthening it now with the thoughts 💭 they gave me rather than tell me word for word with their own voices what they were doing. That’s their psychology. They will use all sorts of ways to lie to you. Incubus once teeeted everything he says is “bullshit” probably x3 it’s gone now. Twitter.

5:44 pm pdt they heat me up 🆙 to rob me of strength and killl me. I think I heard 👂 them make me believe I heard on the radio 📻 I will die in the morning the lyrics are there will be joy in the morning. He made my middle finger 🖕 move, then he hurt my left hand knuckles. 5:47 pm pdt.

5:56 pm pdt I read a few times online, hopefully he wasn’t gas ⛽️ lighting me back then,( but everything he seems to do seems to be to gas ⛽️ light, but idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ mayb what I read is true) that mr. incubus was fine when his parents divorced. Pain jaw bone 🦴. I probably read it around 2014, and then I read stuff that he was thinking that he wasn’t going to get married . And then I heard? Him say once that he thought it was going to make him look 👀 like a creep if he didn’t get married? Or something like that? It was weird the tone the delivery 🚚 as if it was meant for me to hear 👂 for some weird reason. 6:03 breathing out extremely HOT 🥵 air 6:04 pm pdt.

knuckles = nuke????? 6:04 pm pdt

6:23 pm pdt there was something I did on accident but the incubus was trying to make me believe it was not. Probably bcz he made me do it. He can make your body do and say things like a puppet. And he can trick you into believing it was all you. He choreographed everything. He will give you feelings that feel genuine/real and give confusion with quick changing thoughts and feelings and with hold memory, so you are left feeling with what he wants you to remember. I remember pausing a lot and quick changing thoughts and emotions and immediate forgetfulness but somehow I did not completely forget but somehow made to forget in the moment. I don’t recall moving fast. I remember pausing in between thoughts 💭. I remember moving to stretch my legs 🦵 when I pedaled the tricycle. How did I fit on that thing? I don’t remember how tall it was, but these were big enough for a bunch of young men also to ride. I remember pausing in between pedals each moment. I nitially I did not recall moving quickly on that thing. I am sorry 😞 if I did. I was very gungho in thinking 🤔 that I didn’t move /pedal faster . I think 🤔 it was also probable that the boy who was probably 8 years old? On a tricycle ahead of might have also simultaneously started slowing down now that I think 🤔 about how it was probable that I caught up 🆙 to him! And somehow with out trying much , I thought I remembered but now my mind wants to believe I sped on a tricycle. Was it possible? Now I don’t know for sure. Incubus has been cutting my legs 🦵 a lot and may have shortened legs 🦵 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵

Pain! 😖right inner ankle bone 🦴. In 2009?? David clay diamond 💍 diamonds 💎 dash I hurt myself. I think it is karma for the tricycle incident. Also when I was about 12 years old I flew over my bicycle 🚴🏼 while trying learn to ride with out training wheels and almost landed 🛬 on my head but instead landed 🛬 on my shoulders. Also around that time we are hit by a woman?? driving a car 🚙 it was my mom’s first car 🚗 and it was white. My sister hears a voice that told her to switch to the middle seat 💺 in the back of the car before the accident happened, within minutes at a stop light 💡 . I believe it saved her life and she did not tell me until around 5-6 years ago. 2016/2017 ish? It was before we moved to alum rock 🪨, before 2019. 6:49 pm pdt when I hurt myself in 2009? I used my left heel to stop 🛑 the razor scooter 🛴 directly onto the ground which was paved black, I was going fast 💨 Down a relatively steep hill in a park in San Francisco. It did weird things to my heel that seemed to slosh and move like jelly years later, and it hurt a lot for a while immediately afterwards . I t felt like my hip and butt were not in proper alignment anymore. I did not go see a doctor 👩‍⚕️ for it. I was shy again? And it was troublesome already? With previous experiences of going for my chronic eczema and infections on the same university’s medical insurance. This was before I got a job. Because my motive for applying was to hopefully 🙏 win the ring diamond 💎 💍 so I can pay 💰 off bills 💸 from school 🏫. It was stupid though because I was completely unprepared and unmatched to the competition. There were questions you had to find/solve using physics I think I recalled one ☝️. It was irrational of me to sign up 🆙 but I did. Nausea. And vertigo. 7:01 pm pdt.

7:03 pm pdt I remember he cried when the tricycle I was pedaling made contact with him. It might have touched his left ? Hip. The fooot I used to stop 🛑 the razor scooter 🛴 was my left foot 🦶. I stood for a minute probably, thinking 💭 what should I do . I consider staying and in my mind the thought 💭 enters (vertigo stop 🛑 making this harder for me to type) coughing and peeing. Pain head. Difficultly breathing started still hot 🥵 left side ribs hot 🥵 air. 7:09 pm pdt that I should only stay if everyone else stays. I think I did not want to face it alone. There was a part of me that wanted to leave , I don’t remember if it was an immediateinitial feeling but I didn’t move for about a minute pondering 🤔 what am I going to do? I did not plan on doing anything like this at all. Then a guy who was on a tricycle, who I don’t think 🤔 did anything wrong at that place, screamed at me “RUN!” I still don’t know why he felt compelled to yell it at me at all . I don’t remember even talking to him much before that. It was all VERY STRANGE. But I comply and I ran. This was around early 2006, before April. There was something I was going to type but incubus is withholding my memory again. I remembered gung-ho thinking 🤔 I did not pedal that fast 💨 on a tricycle. And then my memory thereafter was me being very fast 💨 and I think that was not physically possible for it to have happened that way. He made me feel like I’m lying 🤥 and bad. Oh, a lot of times within last 5 years things would fall and hit me and it would hurt a lot! Like a pick comb falling on my leg 🦵 I realized this week that maybe 🤔 it should have not hurt that much the way it did and I realized they were choreographing inflicting more pain with the object falling and touching/hitting me. I cannot say for sure but if I did not go fast enough to really feel like a big impact on the boy’s hip that maybe the pain was not 100% because of me and the tricycle. I t might be wishful thinking 💭 that I didn’t hurt him but idk. I believe that the demon lord sometimes talks to some men directly if they have a covenant. I f they don’t have a covenant then he would use people’s brains 🧠 and body against their will like a puppet but use a lot of psychological tactics. I felt guilty and shame for hurting him, and even more for running 🏃🏻‍♀️ away. It wasn’t long before that I had tested for a learning disability. The test giver said my left brain 🧠 worked slower than my right brain 🧠 so the communication between the two halves are slow is what I recalled him saying. The disability test was through exams on abilities. Math 🧮, probably memory recall? Other stuff I have difficulty remembering. 7:31 pm pdt. 7:32 pm pdt felt my eye 👁 sight get fuzzy for few seconds. I don’t believe I m apart of a covenant. I think demon lord probably told me in 2018? While he inflicted a lot of unbearable PAIN on me, my bones and flesh. I felt like I was dying with every hit/cut. 7:34 pm pdt and I felt like I wanted to die. 7:35 pm pdt. If I was a billionaire I would repay that boy 👦🏾 For whatever damages I may have caused. When Adnan pushed me when I was about 9 years old after my birthday I think? And I landed on my wrist and it broke I don’t believe my mom asked what happened but she might have overheard something and met me more than halfway down the stairs and asked me if it hurt and it did. I don’t believe adnans family knew. Refugees from Europe forget which part Soviet Union or something. The devil made me say something I didn’t mean to say and I was surprised that I said it. He’s making me feel like a liar about that every time I recall it. He is trying to alter my memory and he’s almost successful, he made me doubt myself a lot. I asked my mom a minute ago if she knew and she didn’t. They never paid for breaking my wrist. The doctor put a cast on it. 7:53 pm pdt I think it was about a year ago when we went to a laundry 🧺 mat there was a thing on tv 📺 that there are people who survived being run 🏃🏻‍♀️ over by cars 🚗. Sometimes god prepares us for events he planned to happen. Demon lord. 755p

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Hiii, for the Supernatural ask :

C, F, L, U, X, Z 😘

Ooh!! Thanks for this!!

C: Favourite Friendship

So tough to pick, because I love Donna and Jody, but I LOVE Donna and Dean too!! (But also, I really ship them.) And Bobby and Rufus!! So many good choices.

But I think I'll go with Dean and Charlie. I just absolutely love everything she brought out in Dean, his dorky side was often on full display when she was around. I love how protective he was of her, and how MUCH she loved him. It was a truly beautiful, sibling relationship, and I loved it so much!! 😞

F: One thing you'd make canon if you could

Only one?! Lol! Truthfully, I'm one of the few that, for the most part, was very happy with how the whole series played out, so there's not a lot I'd change. But if I could make one thing canon, it might be that Sam went looking for Dean in Purgatory. That was the only major story arc that didn't ring true for me. Sam wouldn't just leave him.

L: Character you think is underrated

She only appeared in two episodes, but I really liked Chrissy Chambers, the young girl that shows up in 7x11 first and then is back in 8x18. Her episodes both came after really big episodes - Death's Door and Goodbye Stranger, which I think made her character get lost in the shuffle. She was really strong and sassy, and I would have killed to see her as part of the Wayward Sisters. Also, I love her little crush on Dean, and I think their relationship was really sweet.

Plus, this moment is from her second episode and I LOVE it!

U: Scariest Episode

Hmmm...Well, I watched "Bloody Mary" alone in the dark, the first time, and that was pretty damn creepy/scary. The Benders creeped me out to no end, but I think I might go with Scarecrow, cause that fucking scarecrow was horrifying! And just something about Dean and Emily being tied up waiting there to be eaten?!! All kinds of nightmare fuel.

S1 SPN definitely had the most scares, I think.

X: Character's death you've never gotten over

Well, I mean that has to be -

cut for spoilers, just in case:

Dean's.

I will never be over the barn scene || never over losing my favorite character of all time || never over the conversation between sam and dean || never over - "st-stay with me, please", || never over "there he is...my baby brother", || never over - "i love you so much.", || never over the forehead touch || never over his trip to heaven and finding Bobby waiting for him || never over - "it's almost perfect" and "he'll be along" || never over "i think i'll go for a drive" || never over "hey baby", and "ah! i love this song" || and never, ever over "hey sammy." and "dean." || and never over this moment:

or this one:

Unlike many people, I was very, very happy with the finale, but Dean's death still ripped my heart out and made me cry harder than I ever have over a fictional character's death. And I miss him (and Sam! and Cas!) so much! 😔

Z: Two characters you wish had met:

Hmmm...🤨🤨...maybe Ellen and Jody? I think they might have had fun teaming up and smothering the boys with tough mom love, meaning giving them a hand up and a shoulder to lean on, but also kicking their ass when they need it. I think they would have been good friends. 😊

This was lots of fun, Eva! Thank you so much for sending them! I'm so very sorry this was so friggin' wordy, but I think you should know by now that I don't know how to shut up! 😄😆😄

[call-sign-shark]

You can’t imagine how much I love your chaotic comments. They literally make my day 🥹💚 long ass reply ahead:

I am delighted you have mention the chaotic bath scene of S2 with Arthur and the two whores because I wrote this intimate moment between Arthur/Heaven to mirror it. Far is the auto-destructive madness of that bath in Eden’s club, now he is happy and has found the love of his life. Isn’t it romantic? That’s also why she gives him a little massage instead of having sex. As you accurately analyzed, the Shelby men tend to only know sex and violence as a way of relaxing. Admittedly, Heaven and Arthur use sex a lot to release tensions, but she also teaches him different things — and she definitely wants to catch up all the love and tenderness Arthur has missed in his life. Besides, head massages feel so good right?! 😩

I’m squealing because you kinda understands French so… Yess!! I thought it suits them so well, especially the parts “I scare your mother and your siblings” and “your girlfriend (referring to Linda) wants me dead”! 🤭 Joke aside, Arthur is indeed enraptured by her to the point he worships her — which is kind of scary from an outside point of view. By the way 100% agree with your take about greener and mountains area. It does not surprise mes that your father’s asthma gets better in France, especially where you’re living because it’s close to the mountains and the oxygen is purer!! It must be so impressive to be able to compare it with your native country, UK. Is it that polluted? 😞

Aaahh thank you for pointing up the scene with little Katie. She misses her baby sister a lot so it makes her soft and patient with children. And as you said, kids are more honest and clever than adults when it comes to welcome uncommon things. They are far more open minded! Just compare Katie and Esme 🤭

Soooo did you like the engagement scene? YAY! I was so afraid to sound cheesy but nervous Arthur is the cutest. Building so much fluff only to destroy it on the next paragraph is Shark’s favorite hobby 😈

Now about the whole reunion!

To be honest I am so glad you’re enjoying the trio Arthur/John/Heaven. The goodbye between the two last ones did broke my heart when I wrote it because they share such a strong bond. You’ll see how powerful it is in next chapter! I think John is the person she loves the most right after Arthur.

AHAHAHA YOUR ANGRY REACTION IS THE BEST!! I knew you’d be furious about Thomas including Heaven in the arrest warrant. 🤣 Which is super mean because she saved his son’s life and sometimes even empathizes with him while Tom goes full berserk against her. He obviously did it on purpose but, at the same time, he’s not all black in this situation. He had some pressure from Section D. Also we don’t know yet if he included her in the deal or if he secretly hopes she’ll get hung 🤷‍♀️! OF COURSE il comprend ce connard! 👿 And thank you my little Brummie, you appreciating my angst means a lot considering you’re so good at it 💚

Also, I think you’re the only one who pointed out that little info of Heaven sending two male guards into hospital 🙏 she IS dangerous, in many ways, which is easy to forget considering how soft she is with Arthur and how weak she looks. I think that’s what makes Tommy even more suspicious about Heaven.

Regarding her resignation to Death I think it’s due to her witnessing the murder of her whole family. That’s why she’s so peaceful upon facing her own death. It’s true that this fearless approach is inspiring and I’m glad you think so 💚 nevertheless, she’s very vulnerable when it comes to people she loves dying. She’s not afraid of it when inflicted upon her, but struggles when it comes to the other.

Honey, thank you again for this thorough, long and adorable comment of yours. I took a bit of time to answer because I wanted to reply properly. You have almost caught up everything, I’m impressed! Honestly I love for your comments, you’re always so nice I’m proud to call you my friend 😭💚

Heaven in Your Eyes || Arthur Shelby x Reader!OC

Summary:  With the Russians gone and Father Hughes dead, you and Arthur can enjoy some romantic moments together, including a proposal. After talking about your future, you both decide to leave Birmingham to build a family away from Small Heath's filth. But that dawning happiness is soon wrecked by Thomas and his plans.

Words: 6k

TW:  tooth-rotting fluff, like really sweet moments, angst, quick allusion to smut, typical canon violence, mention of death penalty, allusions to death by hanging

Notes:

✞ This chapter signs the start of season 4 and, consequently, the end of the first Act of Heaven in Your Eyes. Following this chapter, there will be a two-week pause for the series. Also, parts borrowed from the show are italicized.

✞ The song Heaven sings is a French cover of Bad Guy. You can just click on the French lyrics to open the song and listen to it.

✞ Heaven is OP's original character but written with the use of « you » (Moodboard here).

PREVIOUS || Masterlist || NEXT PART

Arthur let out a long sigh of relief escape from his lips as his body slipped a bit more into the hot and soapy water of the bathtub. The smell of body soap, whose fragrances were those of honey and vanilla, wrapped his mind in a sweet haze. But those pleasant scents were nothing compared to the perfume of your skin his senses could recognize even hidden behind the synthetic ones. Following the last violent and chaotic events of the past few days, this moment of pure relaxation felt like a delightful reward. Everything had happened so fast, in a matter of three days, that none of you really had time to process everything. At least, the worst was behind you.

The oldest Shelby brother was lying in the hot water, his back resting against the bath tube’s edge and your tiny frame snuggled in his arms. You were locked in a tight embrace, with your legs entangled and your bodies firmly pressed against each other. The smile that was etched on your juicy lips widened as the melody of his soft sighs and the water’s lapping lulled you to drowsiness. He looked down to observe you and his mind drifted away. The last time he was in a bathtub with a woman — or with two, to be true — Arthur was snorting a ridiculously dangerous amount of snow and drowning his pain in meaningless sex. It was right after the Peaky Blinders had taken over the Eden’s Club by Tommy’s orders. At this period of his life, Arthur was at his worst and he was still very much ashamed of his past conduct.  All he wanted to do back then was to sabotage himself. And yet, here he was, two years later, in the bathroom of his little house — and not in some shady London clubs —, with God’s favorite seraph all nestled in his arms.  He had come far. A comforting wave of warmth spread in his soul as he watched you, his heart filled with both pride and ecstasy. Arthur, more than anyone else, was aware of how lucky he was to have you. For sure he strongly believed he did not deserve your love, but if there was one thing he knew it was that he would never let you go. Never. His long fingers softly moved aside one wet strand of your ivory hair, slipping it behind your ear.  As he did, he could not help but smile. Life finally made sense to him when he looked at you, half asleep in that bathtub. The truth was, he would go through everything again — the war, the pain, the suicide attempt, the hell of addictions, and the catastrophic wedding — just to hold you like this. Wet lips tasting like honey and whisky gently shook you off your torpor with enamored pecks they sprinkled all over your face. First, it was the corner of your mouth, then your cheeks, and, finally,  your forehead. You lifted your heavy lids and looked up only to be welcomed by his ravishing grin and his piercing blue eyes. Those damn eyes you’d die for.

“Yer a cute sleepyhead, eh.”

“Mmm.” You mumbled, slowly emerging from your sweet drowsiness, “It’s your fault.” You teased with a sleepy voice before gently nibbling his earlobe. The light pressure of your teeth on his flesh caused him to groan in pleasure. His grip strengthened on you, long fingers digging a bit more into your porcelain skin. 

“My fault?” He raised a brow all the while rubbing his clean-shaven cheek against yours in a sign of both affection and arousal.

“You did not let me sleep that much the past few days.” You replied with a gleam of amusement in your eyes. As an answer, Arthur’s hoarse laugh rose up to the ceiling. 

“Can't keep my hands off you eh,” He said with a lower voice before rubbing your nose with his in an adorable bunny kiss. His soft facial hair tickled your skin, causing you to laugh with him, “the urge to make love to you is too fookin irresistible… Ye make me lose me fookin’ mind,” He growled in your ear. You low-key trapped your bottom lip between your teeth as you felt one of his calloused hands trailing up your ribs with a caress as soft as a feather “And speaking about makin’ love…”

“Lord, are you even tired?” A gentle chuckle escaped from your lips. Before he could even react, you stopped him in his tracks and swiftly shifted your body until you sat on his hips and faced him. He looked at you with desire blazing in his eyes and smirked, his mustache slightly lifting as did. 

“Not with you all naked in front of me, love.”  Arthur brought his face closer, but all his lips met was your index finger you had slipped on your mouth to keep him from kissing you.

“I had something else in mind, chéri.”

“Come on, lemme kiss you…”  He complained, the tip of his tongue gently licking your finger in a teasing way. The wet caress sent shivers down your spine but even though you really wanted him, you did not give in to his lust.

“No.” You replied, your smile turning into a sharp grin.

He was about to protest a bit more vividly when you slipped your small hands in his hair and started to massage his head. 

“What are you—“ Arthur opened his eyes wide for a few seconds at the unexpected sensation of your fingertips exerting the perfect pressure on his scalp. And then, the whole traits of his face relaxed in an adorable expression, “Oh. Fuuuck—“  He sighed in ecstasy. Shut off by your touch, Arthur squeezed his lids and slightly parted his lips. Enjoying the way he reacted to your touch, you looked at him with a playful smile but what you saw instead almost break your heart. The expression on his face was indescribable — he looked like a beaten dog who had just discovered what tenderness was after a life of abuse and violence. Arthur let out a shaky moan as he gave in under your fingers like a wounded animal finally finding both the comfort and help it needed for years. 

Your softness. Your love. Your patience... It all felt so good he could have cried. 

Feeling him shivering, you deepened the massage and did your best to relax his poor exhausted body. Indeed, you poured all your love into each of your gestures, hoping your sweetness would sip through the crack of his mind and heal his deepest wounds. And as Arthur melt in your hands, the enchanting melody of your voice filled the room and sent him to paradise.

“Tachée de sang ou d’autre chose, Caché, tu rodes et moi je n’ose Parler, on mets la nuit sur pause Tu te prends pour un autre Des bleus partout sur mes genoux Tais-toi c'est moi qui tient ton cou Cette fois je fais ce que je veux J'ai l'âme coupée en deux.”

His breath slowed down at your hypnotic voice whose tone, feathery and supernatural, hold him in a blissful trance.  Curiously enough, the fact he did not understand French only enhanced the impression he was listening to an otherworldly chant. Arthur buried his face in your bosom, his whole being reacting to your voice with goosebumps and shivers. Every synapse of his brain recalled the first time he had heard you sing in this church, lost in the middle of the night. 

“Toi t'es un gars dur, tu aime avoir l'air sûr Bien blindée ton armure et défoncer des murs Moi je fais peur à ta mère, à tes sœurs J'ai ton père dans l'viseur Et ta go veut que j'meurs Je suis le méchant.”

Your fingers continued their work, massaging his head and petting his wet hair with utter tenderness, all the while you kept singing. You sang and Arthur healed. A smile appeared through dawning tears he was fighting hard against, for he was convinced he just found gold and even a few stars in your voice. 

After the romantic bath, both of you reluctantly left the comforting warmth of each other to dress for the last family reunion. In fact, now that Tommy and Tatiana’s business came to a satisfying end for the two parties, he had organized one ultimate meeting with the Shelbys to give the money he owed them.  He, as well as the rest of the Shelby/Gray house, was well aware that Arthur and you took the decision to leave Birmingham to pursue a quieter life. Surprisingly enough, the idea came from Arthur. He had told you about how he would love to open a garage and fix cars, while you had shared with him your inner desire to live near a forest to remind you of the luxuriant nature of your childhood town. Somehow, the smog of Birmingham never made you feel at home. Nevertheless, none of you wanted to do something without the other’s approbation. You were more than decided to face life as you had always done since you met: together, as a unique and vibrating soul. Yet, contrary to Linda, you had reassured him about the family business. In fact, you made clear that you would stick around if he wanted to. In no way you wished to interfere between your man and his family, as long as the risks for him remain tolerable. But Arthur felt the protective need to take you away from Small Heath’s filth. Moreover, he wished to leave his murderous past behind him and focus on the future — a future that was made of you, a house in the forest, and a little mix of both of you running barefoot in the grass.

You let out a cloud of smoke escaping from your lips. Quietly smoking in the garden of Tommy’s magnificent mansion, you looked at the guests coming and entering the house without wasting the slightest minute. They were all eager to retrieve their due and leave. You could have done the same, but you wanted to enjoy the pleasant and soothing feeling of sun rays caressing your frozen skin before locking yourself up in a room with Tommy Shelby and his never-ending speeches. The sound of a car engine made you look to your right: Polly had just arrived with Michael. The poor lad was still under the shock of Father Hughes’ death by his own hands but did his best not to let it show. However, no one could hide something from the witch you were. You took one quick look at Michael and knew something was off. The tiny flame that was burning in his blue eyes when he first came to Birmingham was now extinguished, blown away by the poison of guilt now running through his veins.

Pol greeted you with a warm smile as she passed by you. She was delighted by your presence, and even more by the fact Arthur and you were about to leave the town. She, as well as John, could only thank you for the good you brought upon the oldest Shelby. Regarding Michael, he only nodded to acknowledge your presence before disappearing into the mansion.

“Aunt Heaven!” A little girl, as beautiful as a rose and with a smile as beaming as the sun itself, suddenly rushed to you. Her little feet were hammering the gravel track, ejecting tiny pebbles each time they hit the ground. You stubbed out your cigarette on a small decorative wall and opened your arms to catch Katie, ready to get tackled with her hug. She snuggled against you as soon as she reached you, “Dad says you’re going to leave. Is it true? Can’t you stay? I really don’t want you to leave you know. Who’s gonna play with me now?”

You chuckled, trying to make sense of Katie’s speech because she had talked in such a chaotic and quick pace you had barely understood one word out of two, “I’m not going that far kitty-Kat, you know,” You leaned over her to lay a sweet kiss on her forehead. She reacted with a silky pout.

“But you’re leaving me!”

“Would you forgive me if I braid your hair?”

“Ohhh yess! Yours are always so beautiful — just like my doll!” 

“Aw thank you, kitty Kat.” You put your hands on her shoulders and made her turn around to start braiding her hair with your skillful fingers. It was something you had always liked to do to your little sister, back in France. After her death, you kept doing so on yourself as a way to keep her alive. Since then, your long white hair were more than often adorned with a huge variety of braids. “We‘ll still see each other. And you’ll spend some holidays with Uncle Arthur and me, right? So that I could teach you to bake delicious pastries for your family.”

“For my family? No way, I’ll learn only to make myself pastries and eat them in front of my stupid brothers! Serves them right to break my pony figure!” The little one blurted out with genuine mischief, letting you rearrange her blonde hair in one long French braid. 

“You’re absolutely right. Oh wait… Stay still, kitty. Can’t braid your hair if ya keep moving like that.” You advised with a caring and patient tone. 

Katie tried to remain quiet, but her wonderful children's mind was buzzing with so many thoughts at once it took only five seconds for her to bombard you with questions again. God knew how she managed to stay more or less still despite her overflooding energy. “Dad says living in the countryside is good for babies. Are you and Uncle Arthur going to have a baby?” She asked out of the blue.  You snort with amusement at her vivacity. Kids and their tact, you thought.

“I’d love to,” 

“When?” She straight off replied.

“That’s quite a difficult thing to know, darling… Let’s just wait for it to happen,” Your fingers were braiding the last strands of hair, “Almost done,” you said —  to be true you were quite proud of the result. Even though Katie was such a beautiful little girl you were not sure if the braid embellished her or if it was the other way round.

“But you are a witch. You know everything. That’s what Dad says.” 

“Seems like your Dad doesn’t know how it works.” 

“And how does it—“

“Katie? Come here, sweetie. Charlies’ nanny is waiting for you!” Esme’s voice called. 

It was all it took for Katie to hug you tight, thank you for the braid, and rush toward her mother. Taking into account the importance of this last meeting, Thomas had asked the household staff to take care of the children and not let them interrupt the adults. You looked at Katie’s little swift silhouette disappearing with the nanny with tenderness in your aquamarine eyes. For sure, you were going to miss John and his kids. 

When she left, your eyes instinctively searched for Arthur. He had just finished talking with John, who had followed his wife inside not without giving you a wink. You would have chuckled at John’s charming and teasing demeanor if you had not noticed a tint of nervousness in Arthur’s body language. Indeed, he was standing in front of the massive door, playing with his fingers and taking repeated quick glances at you before looking at his own feet, all bashful and hesitant. Your protective instincts kicked in, wondering what was wrong.  Finally, he made his way to you with his adorable awkward walk and his arms swinging.

“Are you okay?” You asked, your brows slightly furrowed as you tried to understand the reason behind his anxiety.  Once he had reached you, he grabbed your hips to pull you closer.

“Yeah I’m good, me mind was just — Y’know, just thinking about far too many things at once,” He had barely finished his sentence when he fell silent. 

“Arthur?” 

Arthur’s gaze dived into yours, his steel-blue eyes observing the slightest variations of your irises with a deep focus as if he wished to grasp all the secrets God hid beneath them. He could have stayed like this forever, losing himself in the vastness of the frosted desert that composed your alluring eyes. Yet, he was snatched from his contemplation by the soft sensation of your fingers grazing his cheek.

“What’s the matter, mon amour?”  You reiterated, genuinely worried. 

The wind blew in the garden, making your wild ivory mane dance behind you along with the petals of the flowers that were surrounding your frames. Arthur remained silent and kept staring at you — and as he did, your ethereal beauty mesmerized him and he felt his hesitation vanishing in stardust.

“Listen angel, I gotta tell ye something. I’ve been thinking about the whole matter for a while, and tried my best not to make things go too fast...”, The gravel in his voice was coated with palpable nervousness. Arthur paused, at the edge of freaking out, but rather took another deep breath. He hated himself for struggling so much to express himself. That was why his strong hands abandoned your hips and cupped your face in his slightly moist palms, “It’s just that… I can’t wait any longer.” That being said, the tall gangster laid a shy kiss on your juicy lips —contrasting so much with the way he usually devoured them in bed— and to your greatest surprise, took a few steps back right after.

You blinked in confusion, not quite following what he was trying to say, nor what he wanted to do “What do you mean?” You asked, your body yearning for his touch when he backed off.

Arthur parted his lips to say something but, once again, he could not find the right words to share his overwhelming feelings. Instead, he decided to go for it. With one trembling hand, he took a little something out of his pocket.

“Heaven — I know I am not the most handsome lad in town,” He started, nervously tightening his fist around the object he was holding in his palm, “nor the most mentally stable man you have probably met. To be true, I am quite pathetic… A fookin trash. Can’t believe you accept me as I am” Arthur looked at the ground for a few seconds, ashamed of his whole being. “You’re a young and stunning little lady, and I am an old and broken dog eh,” He sniffed, trying to keep composure, “But I’m a good man, I really am. And that good man wants to be a good husband for you.”

Husband. It echoed in your soul, resonating in your skull. Was it really happening? It could not be what you were thinking about, right? You swallowed the lump in your throat, hung onto his every move and word. 

“I am not perfect —  to be true I’ll probably go back home drunk as fook sometimes and fall on my knees, begging you to save me. Cause you’re the only one that can do that, eh” He chuckled nervously and dived into your eyes. This time he managed to keep eye contact. “but I swear to God I’ll do my best to take care of you and make you the happiest,” Joining actions to his words, Arthur’s free hand took yours. His other one, shaking with anticipation and fear of rejection, processed to slowly slip a shiny gold ring around your finger. Your heart imploded in your tight chest as the cold metal touched your skin, “I don’t want another woman ever again — there’s just you. Only you. So I might not be the best, but you can be sure I’ll remain faithful to you, my Angel… And if you ever doubt my loyalty, I’ll build a fookin’ altar to your beauty and pray on my knees,” He freed your hand from his to let you admire the magnificent ring that was now adorning it. 

You lowered your gaze toward the precious jewel and your whole body shook at the sight of the ring. It was really happening.

“Heaven Lavey… “ He cleared his throat, “Would you marry me?”

“Bloody Hell, Arthur.” You swore, unable to choke your reaction. All your life you told yourself no one would ever want the cursed witch you were. Let alone the murder charges against you. You have walked through this existence all alone, convinced it would never change. Yet you found him — a man who was not only in love with you but who literally worshipped you like a goddess. You looked at Arthur’s face again, your angelic face covered by a veil of utter surprise. You stood silent for a few moments which felt like an eternity to Arthur. His anxiety escalated for he could not survive without you. And when he said that he meant it: your mouth held the power to destroy him with one simple word… “ Of course, I want to marry you,” You finally said as you broke the distance between you with determined steps and almost jumped at his neck to pull him in a furiously enraptured embrace, “No matter what awaits me in this life, good or bad, I don’t want it if you’re not by my side, Arthur Shelby. You make me feel safe. You make me feel… Holy. And I’m not used to that.” 

“Christ!”  He exclaimed, unable to hold his joy any longer, “Come here Miss Shelby!” His hoarse and loud voice boomed in the garden. Not minding the rest of the world, Arthur’s arms wrapped around your waist right before he lifted you from the ground. Laughter escaped from your full lips, as well as tears of happiness breaking at the corner of your eyes, “My Angel, come with me to this meeting — not as me lover but as me fiancee.” 

Your feet met the ground again but your heart was still floating. 

“That’s fine with me.” You replied. Bringing your fingers to your eyes, you quickly wiped the tears away, taking care not to ruin your makeup. When your hand fell back against your hips, Arthur’s slipped his in yours and entangled your fingers together. You exchanged one last look, filled with undying love and hope for the future, before sinking deep into the corridors of the mansion. Here you both walked, unknowingly leaving the eye of the storm.

Not the slightest word came from your tantalizing mouth during the whole reunion. Thomas’ cold demeanor and the few arguments here and there managed to severely undermine the exhilarating joy Arthur’s proposal had brought to you. With one look, you both silently decided to wait for another moment to announce your wedding. As you observe little King Shelby distributing money, his temper short and fallible, a sudden unpleasant feeling broke through your core. It was similar to what you had felt when you had sensed something was going to happen to Charlie, except that the feeling was so intense this time it almost took your breath away. Not understanding where did this sudden unease come from, you clenched your fingers on your own seat and tried to calm down by focusing on Thomas’ speech. However, his words were soon covered by the thundering sound of your beating heart, whose pace had quickened so brutally that your whole ribcage was shaking at each pulse. 

Something was wrong. Definitely wrong. 

Fortunately enough, Pol’s last interjection about a different future for the Shelby company marked the end of that tense family reunion. Following a brief silence, you got up from your chair and put your left hand on one of Arthur’s shoulders. You were about to discreetly ask if you could leave but words remained stuck in your throat: the truth was you did not want to rob him of his family goodbye. So, you simply gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze before stepping back and waiting, even though the unexplainable urge to get out of this house worsened as minutes passed. 

“I’ll be off then, Tom.” He sniffed, “I’ll see you, eh? I’ll see you brother.” 

The humble farewell, sober like the rest of the Shelby’s way to show affection toward each other, pinched your heart. No matter the problems in which they got themselves or the endless arguments, there was love in this family. Broken, awkward, and sometimes violent love, but still. You quietly made your goodbyes too in the background — A nod of the head for Finn, Michael, Esmee, and uncle Charlie. A hug for Ada, Polly, Lizzie, and Curly. You thought you could handle it well until it came to John. Your eyes met his saddened pout, and your self-control break down. A single tear rolled down your cheek for the deep bond you had formed with him rendered the farewell more painful than with the other family members. Without uttering a single word, John pulled you in a bear hug so tight the pressure he exerted on your body was almost uncomfortable, but you could not care less. You gently rub his broad back with your hands and, when the moment to pull away happened, you laid a long kiss on his cheek. 

“I’ll miss you, little Angel.” 

“We’ll see each other. I promise.” 

The last thing you did was look away and do your best not to meet his gaze because you know you would probably burst into tears if you did. John religiously followed the same rules, otherwise, he would take you in his arms again and never let you go. Fortunately enough, Arthur’s hand grabbed yours. The warm contact of his skin against yours sent a wave of comfort through your bones — but if it was enough to heal the pain of leaving, it was not to soothe the odd anxiety that was still creeping in your soul. The same anxiety that was screaming at you to leave this damn mansion right now. 

You grabbed the door handle, half reassured by your imminent departure when Tommy’s voice echoed through the office with the violence of a guillotine’s blade on a prisoner’s neck.

“You can go, but you won’t get far, Arthur.”

You froze, your heart missing a beat. In a protective reflex, you turned your head in one vivid movement and looked dagger at Tommy. If your jewel-like eyes could shoot bullets, Thomas Shelby would be lying in a pool of blood, dead and cold. What the hell would he make such a snarky remark to his brother? But the more you stared at him, the more the weight of your unease crushed you.  

Something was happening, you could feel it. Something awful.

“Ah. All right, Tom.” Arthur, not grasping the meaning behind Tommy’s words, brushed off the comment. You were both about to leave the room when another statement clipped your wings.

“I spoke to Moss last night. He told me that the Chief Constable of Birmingham has issued a warrant for your arrest. Murder, sedition, conspiracy to cause explosion.”

The shocking news crossed your body like a lightning bolt burning every inch of your flesh on its way. Stomach twisting, muscle tensing, you brought your hand to your open mouth to cover it.  Arthur blinked in surprise — he had to lean against you for his long legs threatened to collapse at any moment. His whole body started to shake as he realize the awful truth: they were coming to take him away. 

And just like a rain of deadly shooting stars, came the long list of accusations against the rest of the family members, all uttered with a cold and placid tone as if Thomas Shelby was reciting a lesson. Your head brutally spun. You felt nauseous.

“Wait a minute.” Arthur’s gruff voice exclaimed, filled with confusion and boiling anger, “What the hell you’re talking…”  He commented, his hand still in yours though it was the only thing that could ground him — which was the case. 

“And you Heaven… “

You just stared at Tommy with eyes wide open, while the whole world crumbled apart around you. Contrary to Arthur, you did not even shake. Nor you did burst into anger. You were just here, paralyzed by the sound of your dreams and hopes shattering like glass smashed on concrete.

“For the involvement in Hughes’ death and the murder of Simon Conrad, his fellow friend.” 

You let go off Arthur’s hand and took a few steps back, until your back hit the wall behind you, “You’ve sold us…” Your voice was merely a whisper. Your heart skipped another beat in your chest, running a race against the panic that was crashing against you like a rogue wave on a boat’s hull. The only thing that kept you anchored to reality was Arthur’s mad screams.

“You’re my brother!”

“Listen to me, I have made a deal — “

“They’ll hang us!!”

“In return for giving evidence against them.”

“We’ll fucking hang!” 

And then it happened. You snapped out of your lethargic state, brushing off the petrifying anxiety that had turned you to stone. You broke free from the shock and ignited like hellfire. With furious steps, you rushed to the two brothers and pointed to Tommy with one finger, “Toi, espèce de sale traitre -you damn traitor-,” You started in French. Tommy’s empty eyes fell on your tiny frame, doing their best to hide his emotions. The truth was he perfectly understood what you had just said, “Your own fucking family… You know what?” Your face distorted with disgust, “It was not the sapphire Thomas. It was you. It was you all along.” You spat.

Despite Thomas’ neutral demeanor, the flames that lit up his frozen irises left no doubt about the impact of your words. You had hurt him — not only him but his very own soul, to the point you could almost see the ice of his eyes melting. 

“Come here, come here!” Arthur’s powerful hands grabbed you by the shoulders and forced you to follow him, “Come on now, we have to run!” The oldest took one last look at his brother, pain, and rage making his steel-blue eyes glisten, “FUCK YOU!” He roared, hitting the door with the palm of his hand.

Indistinct Screaming. Yelling. Chaos.

You had barely exited the office when a police officer grabbed you and shoved you against the nearest wall. Your hand lost its grip on Arthur and, without his contact, frost settled in your heart 

“Arthur!” You screamed. Or at least you thought you did.

“DON’T TOUCH HER! Heaven!” 

Brutally squeezed between the wall and the officer’s body, you still extended one of your arms in a desperate attempt to reach Arthur but it was in vain. When the policeman noticed it, he twisted your wrist behind your back. A whimper of pain escaped from your lips. What happened next you could not tell, for the chaos that swallowed you made everything fade to black. All you could grasp was the sensation of the handcuff metal, as shiny as the golden ring around your finger, biting your skin, and the sound of Arthur’s screams in the faraway distance.

They said until Death do us part, but you had not expected it that soon.

“Careful with this one. She’s put two of my guards into hospital. That bitch’s fucking feral.”

“That’s okay.” A feminine voice replied to the police officer in charge of your cell’s security. 

The sound of the lock echoed in your small cage, soon followed by the metallic creaking of the heavy door that was keeping you from escaping. When the woman entered the cell, she could not help but frown and look at his colleague with genuine confusion. Police Officer Katlyn Wilson, a tall blonde woman with her hair cut short and her face as hard as her heart, had seen a lot throughout her career. But it is evident she did not expect what was awaiting for her in this cell: right in the middle of the room sat a young woman, in her mid-twenties, on the bed. She had a long white mane that cascaded down her lower back. A marvelous mane, dirtied by the cell’s dust and dampness. Kat Wilson shook her head: you could not be the dangerous inmate they called her for. She sighed, staring at your juvenile face. 

“Heaven Lavey.” 

You raised your head when she called your name, your aquamarine eyes burning with hatred. Yet, not the slightest sound came out of your mouth. All you did was stare at the officer.

“I am Kat Wilson, and I am here to bring you to the gallows by order of the crown.” 

“They took my wedding ring.” You cut her off, your voice sounding a bit raspy after days of not talking. Somehow, you did not care about getting hung high — you were not afraid of death. What scared you though was to be alone, far away from Arthur. 

“They did. They told me that was the reason behind your assault on the guards.”

“Only one of them. The other tried to touch me.”

“So you broke his wrist.” She replied straight away.

You fell back into silence, not wanting to talk about the mentioned incident. Officer Kat Wilson shook her head, astounded by the whole situation. As fierce as she was, she took no pleasure in sending a young girl to the rope, no matter the first-degree murder accusations. The tall blonde woman, whose severe traits inspired a natural authority, walk to the bed and sat next to you despite his colleague’s warning. She let out a long sigh and took off a little golden ring from the pocket of her jacket. Your face enlightened when you recognized the jewel.

“Unfortunately, my power vanishes at this prison’s gates. I cannot stop this execution, but I can give back the young bride’s ring.” As she talked, she put the ring in the palm of your hand and watched you close your grip around it. 

“Fine.” You finally whispered as you slipped the jewel around your finger. What else could you do except obey?  Any attempt of rebellion would result in failure. You got up from the bed, standing on your bare feet with all your little height.

So petite but so fierce, she thought. 

“Fine,” Officer Wilson repeated. Gathering all her strength, she handcuffed you with your hands behind your back and, with one unexpectedly strong grip, led you out of the cell and forced you to walk through the long, dark corridors of the prison. 

The sound of the guards’ boots resonated against the stone walls, contrasting with your own silent steps. Even if your heart raced in your chest, you managed to stay calm. Deprived of your man’s comfort, you tried to find your peace in small details:, the cold and smooth surface of the wood under your bare feet, the faint summer breeze coming from an opened window somewhere, the muffled sound of birds' whistles... All of these allowed you to keep a semblance of sanity.

Kat Wilson brought you to the gallows, which was in a dark wooden warehouse. You swallowed at the sight of the noose, slowly swinging from left to right as if every fiber of the rope itself shivered with impatience at the idea of tightening around your soft throat.

You climbed the stairs and each step felt like you were dancing tango on your broken dreams. The dull silence that was hovering above the warehouse was chilling, but you preferred it to the vain prayers of priests. No matter how hard they begged God, you knew your place was down there. Dying was bothering enough, there was no need to sprinkle the process with hypocrisy. A muffled cries came from the other room — they were going to hang another woman at the same time.

Polly, you thought.

When they put the deadly necklace of rope around your neck and narrowed it until its burning texture bit your skin, you inhaled deeply through your nostrils and stared right at Kate Wilson’s eyes. Here you stand, powerful even in your last moments.

Boom. Boom.

The deafening sound of your beating heart played the drums of the fanfare that was already announcing your arrival in Hell. 

“Go ahead.”  You closed your eyes.

You did not cry. You did not beg.

After all, it was always meant to end like this.

✞ Any comment, review, reblog, or constructive criticism is welcome. Your reactions really motivate me and keep me alive, so please don't be shy. English is not my first language.

✞ Gif by the lovely @alicent-targaryen

✞ Each of chapter of this series can be read as stand-alone even though it's far more enjoyable if you have read at least the previous chapter.

Tag: @meowtastick @babayaga67 @sired-to-hybridrid @shelbyssins @kxnnxyasdfg @adaydreamaway08 @theshelbyclan @jomarch-wannabe @esposadomd @woofgocows @abyssal-whispers