#i made myself emotional while writing this

[chaos-in-deepspace]

LADS Xavier: Seasonal Moods | SFW

I've been feeling really off the past few days with a swirl of negative, self deprecating emotions, and decided to attempt to cheer myself up by writing some comfort. The newest event with Xavier really drove home the point to me that he would be the best at helping his depressed partner.

I know I'm probably not the only one who feels like this, and with winter being here I know a lot of us with year round depression if getting hit a bit harder than normal, so if this is you, I hope you can find a little comfort with this fic. Remember you're loved and cherished and the voices in your head feeding you all these negative thoughts are lying to you.

Anyways, I didn't proof read this as I didn't have the energy so I apologize for typos.

❧ Pairings: Xavier x Reader ❧ Warnings: Depressed Reader, Non Sexual Intimacy, Non Sexual Nudity ❧ Synopsis: Sometimes seasons make sad moods worse, but sometimes people in your life can help make it a little better. ❧ Word Count: 2.2k

Disclaimer: This is an original fan work for “Love and Deepspace”. Do not repost on other platforms or plagiarize. All characters shown in this fic is 18+.

Blog Information | Masterlist

Xavier

Seasonal Moods

You were feeling…some sort of way. It wasn’t a particularly good feeling in you, in fact you’d say it was rather the opposite of good. You felt dreadful, and for no reason other than it was winter. You had less sunlight, colder weather, and with that sometimes came a certain melancholic sadness that washed over you. You just felt…horrible.

Whenever you saw your friends together it felt more like they were almost ignoring you, even Tara seemed more distant from you. You knew logically it was all in your head, that these things weren’t happening, but it didn’t make you feel any better. It was like you were looking at every outing through a glass, you were there but there was something separating you from all the others.

You felt like you couldn’t reach out even if you wanted to. When everyone was having fun it felt like you bringing anything up would ruin the atmosphere. So you began distancing yourself as much as possible. Putting your phone on silent and saying you were asleep or busy when questioned why you didn’t answer, claiming you had something going on when invited out, the whole works. If you were forced to reply in message threads, it was easy enough to have some self confidence and fire at least. As long as you didn’t come face to face with others, most thought you were doing just fine. It did work, for the most part.

There was just one person who didn’t buy the facade.

Xavier.

How he always managed to know when something was slightly off with your mood was a quality in him you both admired and hated. He was your hunting partner, your neighbor, your friend, and possibly something more, but you two hadn’t had that discussion yet. You probably had just spent so much time together in the past few months he was able to easily tell when you were acting different. It shouldn't have surprised you, not with how observant he always seemed to be when it came to you.

You just wished he didn’t care so much, that he couldn’t tell you were depressed. That way you could easily distance yourself from him like you did with everyone else until you worked out your own thoughts and emotions. Sure it might’ve taken all winter to begin feeling better, but at least he didn’t have to see you like this.

He had made a surprise visit while you were in your bed, scrolling through funny videos in an attempt to distract yourself from your thoughts. You had managed to slip up at work and gotten a very minor injury, but it was enough to force you to take a few days off. You hated that more than anything. At least at work it kept you busy so you didn’t have time to deal with your emotions. When you were at home by yourself it seemed to only amplify the darker thoughts in your head.

“Hey,” his soft voice had startled you at first and you flinched, locking your phone and putting it against your chest. You closed your eyes, hoping he hadn’t seen you were awake on your phone. You were laying on your side, facing away from the door to your bedroom, so there was a…low chance.

Then you felt the bed dipping as he sat down, and you felt his hand threading through your hair so gently you leaned into it, “There we are, you are awake after all.” He said, the laugh he had was a little airy and you finally glanced at him. He was wearing his signature white hoodie at the moment and his hair was a little disheveled as if he just woke up a few minutes ago, “How are you feeling?”

“My side hurts, but other than that it’s fine. I can sleep it off.” You quickly said, slowly leaning away from his hand and placing your head back on the pillow.

“Have you already changed the bandages?”

“Yes.”

“Have you eaten today.”

Silence filled the air as you thought about that. You didn’t even know what time it was, let alone if you hadn’t eaten. The days were melding together, so you weren’t sure. You could see the sun was setting beyond the horizon…or perhaps it was just coming up. You had been doing nothing but bed rotting the past few days, sleeping on and off, and only getting up when you needed to use the restroom or when you realized how dry your throat was. When was the last time you even showered?

“I’ll take that as a no.” He said with another laugh, but this time it was less enthusiastic, “How about I go make you something real fast.”

This had you grabbing his wrist quickly, stopping him in his tracks, “What are you planning on making?” while Xavier had slowly gotten better at cooking foods, using things like the oven or stove top was still a hit or miss situation.

“It’s a bit chilly today so how about some ramen?” he suggested. Xavier could see the way your shoulders seemed to sag in relief at his suggestion. You weren’t particularly hungry, but you knew food would probably be good.

“That sounds good to me.”

“Alright, wait here, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Xavier ran his hands through your hair again, scratching at your scalp and you wanted to flinch away. It was probably oily and gross and you didn’t want him to feel it.

You felt the bed shift again as he got up and the door closed behind him, leaving you alone again. You stared at the wall in silence, wondering if maybe you should get up and tell him he can go home, that you were capable of taking care of yourself right now. It would be a lie, sure, but you didn’t want him fretting over you. You didn’t deserve his attention when you were the one who dug this self deprecating hole yourself.

You didn’t have the energy though, and instead just laid there and waited for him to come back. Once again you didn’t know how much time had passed, it could’ve been hours or even seconds, it all felt relatively the same to you. The door opened back and you could smell the savory ramen, he had made one of your favorite flavors…again he was far too observant. The bed dipped and you heard items being placed on the nightstand next to you.

“Come on, let me help you sit up.” Xavier said, slowly lifting your body into a sitting up position. You felt him grabbing pillows to help prop you up in the bed and you sighed when the warm ramen was placed in your hands alongside chopsticks, “Eat up, I’m sure you’re starving without even realizing it.” He said. You glanced back at him, noticing how he was eating as well, blowing on the steaming noodles before taking a bite.

You followed the motions, noticing that, for some odd reason, the food tasted a little better than usual. The moment you took the first bite it was like your body kick started and you realized you were pretty damn hungry. You two ate in silence side by side on your bed, and by the time you finished you were being handed a nice cool glass of water to sip on. He let you just be for the time being, not saying anything but just being there. He helped clean up the empty containers and when he came back to the room he was shifting you again, picking you up.

Your hands found purchase around his shoulders, “Xavier, what are you doing?” you quickly ask, not understanding why you were suddenly being carried somewhere.

“To the shower.” It was simple enough of a statement, but you felt a wash of shame overtaking you. So he had noticed, of course he did.

You gave a strained laugh, “I must smell pretty bad if you’re dragging me to the shower…sorry about that.” You murmured, trying to make light of the situation.

“You don’t smell bad,” He quickly stated, “and even if you did, I don’t mind.” The door to the bathroom opened and he placed you on top of the counter, “I just realized you probably hadn’t had the energy to do it, so I’m helping.”

Your face felt a bit hotter now as you avoided him, “I’m not that injured.” You muttered under your breath.

“It’s not the injury I’m worried about.” Xavier was already working your clothes off, tossing the fabrics you’d been wearing for days off to the laundry basket you kept in the bathroom. It was almost overflowing with clothes at this point, and while you wanted to be embarrassed being stripped bare in front of him, his eyes weren’t focused on your body. He was more focused on taking care of you, which you didn’t know if it made you feel better or worse.

“Then why are you fussing over me so much if it’s not because of the injury?” you finally asked, watching as he went to turn the shower on to a warm temperature.

He began taking his own clothes off as he answered you, “You haven’t been yourself lately. Tara had even come up to me and asked if you were alright. I was going to wait a bit and see if you’d reach out, but I can’t wait too long when I knew you were here by yourself.” He explained, “You haven’t answered my messages like normal, and any time I try to make plans you say your busy, I got worried.”

His words were earnest and made you feel even worse about yourself. Congratulations to you, you’ve managed to make the sweetest man you knew feel bad and worry over nothing.

“I’m sorry…” it was all you could say as he began dragging you into the shower. His hands were already working on getting your hair wet so he could properly wash it for you. He didn’t know your entire hair routine, but at the very least your scalp would be clean. Anything else could be taken care of when you felt better.

“Don’t apologize.” He said, his words a bit sterner, “I’m not upset with you. You’re allowed to reach out whenever you want, or not at all. It won’t change the fact that I care about you and wanted to make sure you were okay.” He explained.

“If I hadn’t been so distant though, you wouldn’t be so worried.” You explained, “It’s my fault.”

“Is it also your fault that your brain decided to make you sad for no reason?”

“Yes.”

“No, it isn’t.” He said, rinsing out shampoo from your hair and putting in some conditioner, “It’s not. Sometimes things just happen. I wanted to be here for you, it’s as simple as that. I’ll continue being here for you as well, whether your sad or happy, and that’s of my own free will. You have nothing to apologize for, besides, I like being able to take care of you like this. I wish it were under better circumstances, but that’s no fault of yours.” He explained.

You didn’t know what to say, honestly, so you didn’t say anything at all. Instead you just let him wash you, and then you were being wrapped up in a fluffy towel and dried. The hoodie he had some in was placed over you, the smell of him taking over your senses. He put on the blue shirt he always wore underneath it and finished getting you two dressed. He went back to carrying you, but instead of going to your bedroom, he carried you out into your living room.

There were a lot of things you expected, but seeing a giant blanket fort with fairy lights, the TV on with a movie already prepared, and some soothing smells coming from an oil diffuser that you were certain you didn’t own…it hadn’t been what you expected.

He placed you down onto the soft blankets and you noticed a box of mini cupcakes next to you, all of them having cute designs in an assortment of flavors, “Tara bought those for you,” Xavier said, “She said when you’re feeling better she wants to take you to this new bakery that opened up, that’s where those came from.”

“I should message her soon.”

“I’m sure she’d appreciate hearing from you, but for now.” You felt Xavier getting into the fort with you, pulling you against his chest as he started an older movie. It had cartoon characters and you recognized it as one of your favorites growing up. You were certain you had only spoke of it once with him, but of course he remembered, “Let’s just relax for the rest of the night, okay?” he said.

“Ya…I  like the sound of that.” You got out. You still felt a bit numb, still felt off. It did make you feel better though, especially when you saw some lights from his evol, a little bunny he made, bouncing around. It was enough to make you genuinely smile for the first time in a while. Perhaps…being taken care of wasn’t so bad.

[dandylovesturtles]

Now that 2024 is coming to a close:

1) Of everything you've made this year, which ones are you the most proud of?

2) What are a few of your favorite things (art, comics, fics, etc) that someone else has made this past year?

(Gonna apologize in advance that this answer won’t have specific links because I moved fast)

1. Well, this year I finished I May Be Invisible, But I Still Look Good, which was a major accomplishment for me! It’s the longest thing I’ve ever written, and I was really proud of myself for sticking it out to the end. It got way bigger than I ever expected, and big thanks again to everyone who came on the ride with me.

Of the things I started this year, my favorite has been the emotional support water bottles AKA Room Fic. Kind of insane to think I came up with the first one while eating lunch and dropped all my plans for the afternoon to write the whole thing in one day lol! I hope to get the last followup done soon, I’ve just had a little trouble getting my mojo.

There’s another project I started this year that I hoped to have out already but maybe sometime in the first part of next year. I’m excited to share it when it’s done!

2. Oh boy I’ll try to get everything!

I of course enjoyed some ongoing projects this year, including Replica AU by @kathaynesart, Sep Leo AU by @dianagj-art, 2 Arms Left by @intotheelliwoods, Adagio in Green by @boxfullaturtles, and Empyrean Weeping by @cupcakeslushie! Also shoutout to the @tizeline Sep AU where Donnie is the most chaotic only child, and @vangh17a ‘s Wanderer comic which is beautiful and intriguing.

@remedyturtles broke all our hearts with Firefight this year and I had a great time teaming up during the AU Comp! Also LOVED their fic about third man syndrome, but I’m always a sucker for Leo and his papa.

I love everything @goodlucktai has ever written but I especially loved the recent A Team fics and also the Archer AU! Gio is so precious

On the subject of lost siblings, I am privileged to be the beta reader for @kiaxet ‘s fic Siblingquest. Cissy is also precious, and I’m really excited about Kia’s future plans for the story!

And there’s just been a ton of great art this year from so many people, including @e-turn @trilobitepunch @koolaidashley and so many others. I know I’m missing so many people but this community is just full of talented, amazing artists!

And finally, my biggest love and shoutout for this year goes to @untitled-tmnt-blog , who not only makes GORGEOUS art pieces, but who made me a whole physical BOOK for IMBI!! Seriously the most touching thing anyone has ever done for me. PLEASE check out untitled’s art (and writing!) because everything she does is amazing.

And so many others who have talked with me about this fun show and who listen to me rambling about my endless AU ideas. You are all so cool. Here’s to 2025!

And thanks for the ask!

[stayevildarling]

Cordelia Goode x Billie Dean Howard x Wilhemina Venable x Reader- Bruised Petals

A/N: I got this request a while ago but I can‘t find it in my inbox. basically reader living at the coven and going through an abusive relationship. unaware that the three woman know, as they begin trying everything to get reader out of it and make her see real love🤍

tw/tags: mention of abusive relationship, emotional, verbal and physical abuse, cursing, overprotective delia, scary mina, angst/hurt/comfort

word count: 7.8k (I apologize, I got slightly carried away while writing this)

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily , @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay @whitelotus00 , @ninaahelvar , @paulsonsratched , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle , @grilledcheeseandguavajelly , @lucyintheskywithxanax , @fanfics4world , @mymiraclewitch , @hazard-to-myself , @awritersometimes , @wastdstime , @p1pecleanerwitheyes , @queen2234 , @ihartnat , @lifebyinez , @ahsatanizgay , @blu3dimples, @stepintomyworld

The rain had been pouring for hours outside, hammering against the large windows of the academy. You sit curled up on one of the armchairs in the living room, book in your lap that you had been trying to read for what feels like hours but not having managed a single page yet. Wilhemina was the first to join you, having finished her evening rituals and joining you as she sits beside you with a warm smile, reaching for her knitting supplies. Moments later the medium and supreme join as they greet you with warm smiles and some gentle words. The four of you had been close for years, ever since you had joined the academy, as a student first before reaching your full potential and neither of them wanting to let you go, offering you a home and teaching classes there which you accepted of course.

The three woman felt like your family, the place you call home, despite the coven feeling like your sanctuary. Billie had been the one to undeniably make you laugh until your tummy hurt on bad days, making your days brighter with her charm and humor. Wilhemina was distant at the beginning, struggling to let people in but you quickly managed to find your way into her heart, break her walls with your true gentleness and your kind heart. And the redhead made you feel safe, when the nights were dark, when thunder rippled through the academy, her mere presence kept you steady. And Cordelia was your sun, the person who you could rely on and the other way around. She knew she could leave the academy in your hands when the council meeting’s piled up, knowing you would enter her office at lunch everyday with a bright smile and some tea or coffee, depending on the day ahead and her mood.

The four of you had become inseparable at some point, opting to spend dinner in the quiet atmosphere of each other after the witches, establishing daily routines like your evening unwinding and weekend activities. But a few months ago something had changed, a new witch joining the academy and you two growing close and despite having loved those three for several years, you never thought they could feel the same, accepting your feelings and moving on with this new person that equally made you feel seen, cherished and loved. Wilhemina had been the first one to notice how quiet you had been lately, how you barely smiled or laughed anymore and how you always seemed a million miles away. And tonight she couldn‘t keep her silent concern in any longer.

„You‘ve been quiet tonight“ she exclaims after about an hour of the four of you sitting in silence, this often happening but this wasn‘t a comfortable silence and she could tell. You are quick to force a smile, weak and unconvincing „I‘m fine Mina, just tired“ you mumble, trying to hide the trembling of your hand but she had already noticed a while ago. Her brows furrow and you see the concern in her gaze. „Don‘t lie to me“ she says, voice barely above a whisper. „I can tell when you‘re lying, you know“ she murmurs, hoping she could coax you away from this silence and make you share the way you usually had. Cordelia and Billie had heard of course, trying to give their lover the chance to make you open up but they could tell she isn‘t getting anywhere with the way her brown eyes search theirs.

„Sweetie, you know you can always talk to us, right?“ the supreme tries softly, not wanting to overwhelm you but wanting you to know. Billie ever the attentive one, reaches for your hands, noticing how uncomfortable you seem before she gasps. „Honey, you‘re trembling“ she says, voice and features filled with concern as your eyes avert theirs. „Promise I‘m fine“ you lie, knowing you aren‘t convincing but not having an ounce of strength left to pretend anymore than you are. Before either of them can speak again, the front door opens and you pull your hands away, knowing who returned. Alex, your girlfriend walks inside, halting a moment as she sees you four before giving you a sign to follow her. And so you reach for your book, mumbling a quiet „Goodnight“ before leaving and following her upstairs to your shared room.

The three of them sigh, not having a good feeling about this for weeks now but not any proof that they are remotely right. „Something isn‘t right“ Billie mumbles as she reaches for a cigarette and her two girlfriends are quick to nod in return, equally having a feeling something was going on. A few days passed and slowly the facade began crumbling as a silent thunder ripples through the academy, a storm that had been brewing for weeks but that you managed to contain and hide but today there was no hiding it anymore. „You are such a stupid bitch“ she speaks, her voice hitting you hard as you try and make up for the mistake you had done. „I‘m so sorry“ you apologize as you had been in charge of buying some things and clearly messing up.

„You can‘t do anything right can you?“ she spits and for a moment tears fill your eyes, not scared ones as fear had left you a while ago. Sad ones as you remember how she used to treat you, her bright smile when seeing you, showering you in gifts and compliments and making you feel like the most special and beautiful girl in the world but lately you couldn‘t help but feel like the biggest burden on the planet, never able to do anything right, unloveable and nothing more than a fuck up. Tears rise as you think about the times she took you on dates, silly selfies you took, holding hands, wearing matching rings, exchanging outfits and being dorks together when the world seemed okay. You remember how much she would worship you, how she would hold your hand and hold you through the night but those things stopped after a little while, the initial getting to know each other phase over and things too serious to end it.

It had been the same for weeks, silly arguments over nothing, at first trying to fight your ground but when that didn‘t work out well, you took it, apologizing and fixing the situation before it could escalate. You had become good at hiding, sometimes placing a spell on your room so no one could hear the raised voices and insults but you had been tired, unable to sleep at night, the crushing sadness keeping you away and the anxiety and fear of it all keeping you from functioning properly. „Answer me“ she demands, ripping you away from your thoughts as you try your hardest to hold it together. „You‘re such a waste of time“ she spits before reaching for her jacket and leaving, banging the door so loud that it causes you to shiver. And then you let the tears flow, sobbing in silence as you wonder where it all had gone wrong.

Unaware to you, both Wilhemina and Cordelia had been sitting in the supreme‘s office, two doors down, startled when they heard the shouting before their eyes silently communicated. „Don‘t“ the redhead had to remind Cordelia as the supreme rose „This isn‘t our business“ she reminded her but the blonde didn‘t agree, you having been her buiness and theirs for years. „But she is our business“ the supreme counters. But her girlfriend had convinced her, not wanting to overstep as they sat in silence, hearing the exchange before hearing the door bang shut. Wilhemin was equally enraged, her hand tightly gripping onto her cane as she tried to stay calm, not run in there and tell Alex all the things she had on her mind since first meeting her, wanting you happy but able to tell she couln‘t give you what you deserved.

Equal to you they were awake that night, wondering whether your silence lately had anything to do with this, despite this being the first time they actively noticed something. By the time morning came around, you woke up to an empty bed, knowing Alex probably spent it at the bar or with her friends and you managed to get yourself out of bed, wanting to make things better as you made sure to tidy the room, pick up her things that she always left everywhere so carelessly , expecting you to take care of those things. You made sure to change the sheets, clean your ensuit bathroom before leaving the academy, wanting to return some of the wrong things you had bought and making it up to her. Returning the items was easy despite it taking you several hours to get what she originally wanted. In the end you stop at one more shop, picking up her favorite chocolates and some flowers, hoping you could make it up to her.

By the time you are in the queue, your phone begins blowing up and you see several messages coming in about where you are, to answer immediately and what you are doing. You freeze as it‘s your time to pay, knowing what was going to await you at home and suddenly you lose the ability to breathe, panic settling in your chest as you stand frozen infront of the cashier. „Ma‘am are you alright?“ he asks and it takes someone‘s hand to find your shoulders, perfectly manicured nails to ground you. You immediately snap out of it as you see Billie, quick to apologise before tapping her card against the reader. „I have got it darling“ she whispers before taking the bag and softly guiding you out of the shop and to her car. „Are you okay?“ she asks, her eyebrows furrowed and laced with concern. „Yes sorry“ you quickly mumble as you force a smile. „Let me take you home love“ she offers but you shake your head, not wanting to be a burden. „I‘m not leaving you here, come on“ she urges as she takes you to her car.

As soon as you get inside, memories flood your mind of the many times Billie had taken you out, late night drives, the medium showing you the world a little before everything changed. Your trembling hands reach for your wallet as you try and find some money but she is quick to place her hand over your shaking one. „It‘s no big deal darling, I told you I have got it“ she murmurs and you remain quiet as she begins heading home. There is silence between you, a heavy one as the woman can tell you are a million miles away, having heard from her girlfriends about what happened and assuming that explaining your state today. „Are those for Alex?“ she mumbles as she guides you out of the car and hands you the bag. „They are lovely darling, I‘m sure she will appreciate it“ Billie smiles as she watches you nod and head upstairs, her features tense, seeing you so sad and quiet, never having seen you like this before.

By the time you make it to your room, you find her, sitting impatiently by the window as her eyes find yours. „Where the fuck have you been?“ she greets you and you sigh, struggling to keep yourself together at this point. „I got the things I got wrong yesterday“ you explain before quickly adding „Don‘t worry, I returned the others“. She inspects the bags before nodding and you sigh again before handing her the bag of chocolates and flowers „I got these for you, I‘m so sorry again“ you apologize, trying hard to reach her eyes and search for anything you had seen in them when you had fallen for her. „Did your whore buy them for you?“ she spits and your eyebrows furrow as you hear her talk. „What?“ you ask confused as she carries on „I saw you with that blonde, she drove you home“ she exclaims and you sigh before staying quiet, not feeling it to explain yourself. „You are such a whore for them, don‘t you see how that slut looks at you?“ she spits.

And then something within you snaps, not caring about the names she had been calling you for ages now but crossing a line when you hear either of the three women getting called any names. „Don‘t call them that“ you warn, voice filled with something that even scares you. She raises an eyebrow before chuckling lowly and before you know it, you feel the stinging of your words on your cheek, one of the rare times she had touched you. The world stays still as she storms off, tossing the flowers and chocolates in a trash can, before leaving. By the time Billie returns from the garden for her cigarette, she furrows her eyebrows as she hears the front door banging shut, seeing the things she had bought thrown away so carelessly and something within her causes her to walk up to your room, Cordelia still teaching and Wilhemina still at work.

The medium knocks softly, before stepping inside, hearing some mumbling as you expected Alex to maybe have returned. You stiffen once you realize it‘s Billie and immediately rise to your feet, forcing a smile. „Hey Billie“ you greet her and despite the image seeming so normal, she knew you better than this, knowing you are pretending with her which she hated. As she steps closer, her breath hitches as she sees your red cheek, clearly able to tell there is a hand print on it and her eyebrows furrow as she looks at you. „Y/N what is this?“ she questions, the tremble in her voice betraying her concern as you can‘t help but brush her off. „I‘m fine Billie“ you mutter but she isn‘t having it „What happened?“ she asks, taking your hand into her own as she locks eyes with you. „I fell“ you lie, too tired to think of a better excuse and she could tell you aren‘t going to open up. „We are always here, no matter what“ she whispers softly before leaving you be, able to tell this was only making you more uncomfortable.

Days pass and the three of them began growing increasingly worried, having heard from Billie what had happened. Cordelia began growing more and more overprotective, often being held back by Wilhemina who still struggled to give in and let them take care. For days they had barely seen you, only teaching your classes before disappearing again. Tonight you had retreated to the library again, your girlfriend playing games on the computer in your shared bedroom, often playing online and busy and so you opted to have some quiet time for yourself. The libary had become your sanctuary, equal to the greenhouse but more quiet as no one usually stepped inside other than a certain redhead. And by the time you hear the gentle tapping of a cane, your eyes reach the door as you see Wilhemina step inside.

„Hi little one“ she greets you gently before closing the door, feeling relieved to find you alone. „Hi Mina“ you greet her with a soft smile and she is quick to cross the room before sitting beside you. „What are you reading?“ she asks and you lift the book to show her the cover, seeing the book that she had bought for you a few months back, a soft smile spreading across her face. „How are you?“ you ask her, your usual softness back which causes the redhead‘s heart to swell for a moment, having missed this side of you terribly. „I‘m good sweetheart“ she says before tilting her head to the side a little „How are you.. really?“ she asks and you pause a moment, suddenly feeling incredibly vulnerable under the gentleness of her eyes and the softness in her tone. And as you meet her brown eyes you suddenly long for her, to be in her arms and be held, hoping she could fix this broken part of you that is beginning to feel more trapped by each passing day.

There is a thick heavy silence as Wilhemina watches your heart shatter in front of you, trying hard to keep your composure and not to begin crying, not wanting to worry them further as you know they have been concerned lately. „Can“ you begin but stop yourself before the words leave you, realizing you shouldn‘t. „What is it little one?“ she encourages, clearly seeing there is something on your mind. „Can I have a hug?“ it comes out broken and barely audible and her eyebrows raise in surprise, Mina definitely not one for physical touch unless she has the upmost respect, love and trust in the other person. And she doesn‘t waste a second before nodding, opening her arms as she pulls you in, watching as you hold on for dear life.

You cherish the feeling of being in her warm arms, her lavendar perfume lingering in the air as she fixes your broken pieces slowly, your heart feeling warm at the strange sensation that the person meaning to give you this had been deprieving you of those feelings for the longest time. Time passes slowly and neither of you let go as you cling on and her hands begin brushing over your back softly. When the library door opens you quickly pull away, breath hitching as you see Alex stepping inside, her expression tense as she meets the redheads eyes. Without another word you get up, watching as Alex begins leaving and you mouth a quick „Thank you“ and whisper a faint „Good night“ before leaving her and she sighs, the pieces falling together slowly as she begins understanding what is going on.

„What the hell were you two doing?“ Alex hisses and you remain quiet, mumbling something about catching up, knowing you could never tell her what happened as her jealousy would get the better off her. The two of you go to bed, and before you know it she faces away from you, the same every night as she begins being on her phone, leaving you lonely and sad but tonight Mina‘s hands keep you warm as you remember what it feels to be held, feels to be close to someone and you can‘t stop thinking about her soft smile before you fall asleep, a soft smile on your lips as for the first time in a while, your heart didn‘t feel as heavy and aching the way it had been for a long time.

„She asked you for a hug?“ Cordelia asks a bit dumfounded the next day as the redhead tells them both what happened the night prior, unaware that Alex lingered and heard every word. „I think there is something really wrong“ Billie begins, having a strange feeling for the longest time now, the unease beginning to creep into her bones. „I think it‘s time“ Wilhemina says softly as she glances at Cordelia, finally allowing and agreeing she should talk to you, knowing the supreme could coax anything out of you, the two of you always having a deeper understanding. The truth is that at one point you had loved them, deeper than you had ever loved before, loving Billie‘s charm and bravery, Wilhemina‘s calm and how collected she is and Cordelia‘s sunshine. But you didn‘t think they could love you, add another person to their relationship and when Alex showed up, showing you the world, you pushed your feelings for them aside despite them lingering.

„What the actual fuck“ Alex spits as she walks into your shared bedroom, door banging shut as it startles the three women downstairs. „You asked her for a hug? are you really that fucking desperate? don‘t I give you enough?“ she spits and you remain silent, too tired and broken to even open your mouth. Once they hear shouting, Cordelia immediately abandonds what she is doing, her two girlfriends following behind her promptly. „I told you to stay away from those three, they aren‘t good for you, fake supreme, a cripple and that old hag“ she spits and there it was again, your feelings suddenly bubbling to the surface as you abruptly stand. „Shut your fucking mouth“ you scream, the three of them startled as they reach the top of the stairs, never ever having heard you like that. „Don‘t you ever speak about them like that, you have no right“ you continiue, even Alex shocked at the sudden outburst before she steps closer, almost a faint smirk on her features.

„I know how you look at them, how they look at you“ she begins before you begin backing away a little. „You are a cheating whore, how long have you done this? or is it all in your dumb fantasy? having them love you and take care of you“ she asks, raising her hand which causes you to flinch. „You are worthless, no one could ever love you“ she spits and before anything else can be said, the door swings open as Cordelia steps inside. „Thats enough“ she warns, taking in your frame as Alex turns to face her. „This is our room“ your girlfriend exclaims which causes the supreme to step closer. „This is still my coven and if you think for one second you can treat her this way, you are mistaken“ she carries on which causes Alex to turn to you again, almost if expecting you to say something and speak up to the blonde. But you remain quiet, too overwhelmed by it all to even speak.

There is a silent conversation in their eyes as Alex and Cordelia stare at each other but eventually she falters, huffing before leaving, seeing Wilhemina and Billie by the door, rolling her eyes before leaving the academy, your girlfriend running like she usually would. „Y/N?“ Cordelia asks gently as she steps closer, noticing how you seem not really there, Billie and Wilhemina equally stepping inside. The image almost kills them as they see you so spaced out, as if you aren‘t really in the room with them anymore. „Sweetie?“ she tries again as she steps closer but before she reaches you, you flinch, your body and mind in overdrive as you struggle to understand what is real anymore. She steps back immediately and this time the three of them understand, just how deep this is running, how far this had gone, questions answered that had been on their minds. „I won‘t hurt you angel“ she coos, before gently reaching for your hand, brushing her hand over them to ground you.

And by the time you manage to snap out of it and realize she is gone, the shame, guilt and embarrassment hits you all at once, having them know, having them see and unaware how much they had heard to begin with. „I“ you try to speak but the words get stuck in your throat as your eyes dart between the three women, their faces filled with all the concern and love in this world. „It‘s okay baby, we‘re here“ Billie tries but it feels too much, everything feels too much as you take a step back, Cordelia‘s healing touch leaving you as the walls close in around you. „I- need to be alone“ you whisper, holding back the tears with ever ounce of strength you have left. The three of them glance at each other before Wilhemina steps forward „I don‘t want to leave you alone little one“ she tries softly with her word choice. „Please“ you whisper before Billie and Wilhemina glance at Cordelia, almost desperately.

„Is it okay if we come check on you a little later on?“ she asks gently before you nod, just wanting to be on your own and eventually they agree, with heavy hearts as they leave you be. And once the door closes it takes every bit within you to contain the sobs as you curl in on yourself, wanting to scream and cry at the same time. The pain comes and goes in waves as you contemplate everything, wondering how exactly you could have fallen victim for this. You had always wondered why women stayed with their abusive partners but becoming one yourself changed your entire perception. The constant gaslighting, the insults and the manipulation make you feel sick but there is still this part of you that wonders whether she could still love you truly and whether you could have the feeling back that you once had. Eventually the world turns to a blur as you fall asleep, curled up in your bed, still wearing clothes as you lay in a ball, soft whimpers escaping you as your brain tries to work through the trauma of the last few weeks and today.

Cordelia had checked on you briefly, not wanting to overwhelm you with the three of them present and found you asleep, gently putting a warm blanket around you and some dinner incase you would wake and need any. But you don‘t, sleep keeping you comfortable and safe until the afternoon of the next day before you wake up a little confused, realizing how long you had slept and finding the kindness of the three women on your nighttable as you see some flowers from Billie, some lunch from Cordelia and a new book from Wilhemina, frowning at their kindness that you didn‘t feel like you deserved. It takes you a while before getting out of bed, heading to the bathroom before walking downstairs, hoping not to find anyone, as you just wanted to sleep and disappear. But as you reach for some water, you notice the three of them talking in the living room and the guilt eats at you for how kind they had been, clearly not having noticed you as you stand by the doorframe for a moment.

You watch Cordelia and Billie on the sofa, Wilhemina on her armchair as they share quiet conversations while the fireplace crackles softly in the background and suddenly you feel incredibly cold, wishing you could join their warmth and feel it in your cold bones and tired heart. „Sweetie“ Cordelia is the first to notice you as she pats the space next to her. „Come here“ she encourages and you do, feeling a little vulnerable under their concerned gazes as you sip some of the water. „Did you sleep okay?“ Billie asks as she locks eyes with you and you nod before seeing Wilhemina give you a warm smile. „Little one we“ she begins but the sound of the front door opening and closing startles them and as you see Alex in the hallway, you immediately freeze, the water glass slipping through your grasp but Cordelia‘s supreme senses quickly pick it up before it shatters. Wilhemina‘s blood boils as she sees her standing there, a fake apologetic expression on her face and some pathetic attempt of an excuse, some flowers in her hands.

Billie has to supress a scoff, knowing those weren‘t even your favorite kind and wanting nothing more than to rip them from her hands and shower you in your favorite kind instead. Cordelia immediately stands, covering you with her presence as she glances at the black haired witch. There is silence for a while before Alex speaks but she does „Y/N darling I‘m sorry, can we talk?“ she speaks and you swallow hard before standing, not wanting them to witness this. Before you can go anywhere, Cordelia stops you, her hand keeping you there. „No“ she interjects, Alex surprisied expression meeting hers. „Delia it‘s okay“ you try but her overprotectivenenss stops her, having sworn to never let this happen again. „No“ she speaks firnly before she glances at your girlfriend again „If you have something to say do it here“ she orders and Alex sighs before stepping closer, Billie on her feet immediately as Alex carefully places the flowers on the table.

„I‘m sorry baby, I have been stressed lately but I love you“ she whispers and you glance at her, trying to find the honesty in her eyes and even though your heart longed for her words you couldn‘t belive them. „Can we talk alone please?“ she tries again but you shake your head, which causes the three of them to raise their eyebrows in suprise despite the pride feeling in their chests. „Fine“ she whispers before leaving, the door banging closed as she leaves you be. You leave just as quickly, feeling nothing but shame for the three of them having to deal with this, burdening them in such a way when they had their own life, unaware of the part you play in it and have been for years. They watch you go with a heavy sadness in their eyes, knowing you needed the space but nevertheless wishing they could fix this. „Pathetic“ Wilhemina mumbles as her eyes lock with the flowers, her features filled with hatred.

For days sleep remains your quiet comfort as you enjoyed the silence, despite the occasional dream feeling safe in the darkness but of course it didn’t go unnoticed by the two blondes and redhead who both cared and worried so deeply. Their quiet concern showed with them regularly checking on you, placing meals and little gestures on your nighttable or tugging you in when they found you curled up. But tonight Billie couldn‘t wait any longer as she gently knocked, seeing you asleep for almost the entire day by now before gently calling your name. Your eyes force open as you see the blonde medium before a smile meets you, a warm and soft one. „Hi darling, I‘m sorry to wake you“ she speaks before gesturing to the edge of the bed and you nod, watching her sit and you sit up, not wanting to be rude, despite feeling exhausted still. „Can I talk to you love?“ she asks and you mumble a quiet and sleepy „Yes“.

„I was just wondering if you wanna talk? about anything at all, I won‘t judge but I promise I‘ll listen“ she speaks softly and her warm eyes make you feel so safe that your facade almost falters. There is silence for a while before you see her hand reach out, careful and slow, her eyes asking for permission and upon you nodding, gently holding it in place. She can tell you want to open up but at the same time she can see the vulnerability in your eyes. „Can you tell me how long this has been going on?“ she asks carefully and you whisper „A few months“ which causes sadness to fill her eyes. „What happened baby, you two used to be happy“ she tries, not understanding what had gone wrong. And that was enough to get you to speak, voice shaky as that same question had been on your mind. „I don‘t know“ you sigh, beginning to shake a little as memories flood in.

„I was so happy at the beginning, she was everything to me and she made me feel loved and seen. We had so much fun together and she made me forget“ you whisper which catches Billie‘s attention. „Forget what sweetie?“ she asks with furrowed brows as your gaze averts hers. „I loved someone else“ you admit „But I didn‘t think that could work and then she came and it made me push those down“ you admit, raw and vulnerable. „And then things changed, small at first“ you whisper as you lock eyes with her again. „Like what angel?“ she asks, so proud of you for sharing with her. „She would make me do a lot, all the cleaning and tidying and chores and I didn‘t mind truly but then she became distant“ you admit which causes Billie to sigh. „I would sometimes ask for a hug or a cuddle but she always turns around at night and I feel lonely“ you admit and suddenly it makes sense to her, why you had asked Wilhemina before. „She would call me names and we would argue and then she started“ you stop yourself just in time, the words to painful to repeat but Billie knows.

„I know sweetie and I‘m so sorry, you don‘t deserve any of that“ she sighs, wishing she could fix this for you. „She said she was sorry though and she got me flowers“ you try, falling into the old spiral as you think about the good times. „Darling, you always deserve flowers and not as some cheap excuse and apology“ she says, her nails running over your hands as she can‘t contain whats on her mind. Your breath hitches at her words before you whisper a quiet „Thank you Billie“ and the woman smiles sadly „I‘m always here to listen, we all are“ she encourages and you nod before a yawn ripples through you and the medium takes that as her sign to leave, only able to imagine how much strength that must have took, despite wanting nothing more than to hold you through the night. „If you need anything, you come find us okay?“ she whispers before leaving and you nod with a weak smile before curling into yourself again.

Sleep washed over you quickly but the three women remained awake, Billie repeating what you had told her and the truth breaking them. They had no idea it had been that bad for so long, hating the fact you had been hiding it, wishing they could have seen sooner, your words repeating on Wilhemina‘s mind about pushing feelings for someone else away. She can‘t help but wonder if you meant them, the love between you four so obvious at times. It takes them a while to fall asleep but when they do you are on their minds. Around midnight, you wake up, suddenly starving as you hadn‘t really left your room or eaten much. You steal away into the kitchen, appreciating the silence of the academy before opening the fridge, finding some left overs with a sticky note and your name, recognising Cordelia‘s handwriting and the gesture causes you to smile.

As you turn around, your smile quickly vanishes though as you see the silhouette of Alex in the shadows, quickly watching her step into the kitchen and light. Your breath hitches and by her posture and expression you could tell she was drunk, her probably having spent several days there or with her friends. „Alex“ you whisper before she steps closer, swaying a little. „What were you smiling at?“ she asks and you look into her eyes , trying to read what she may do before mumbling a quiet „I don‘t know“. She steps closer, causing you to back away before she hisses „Don‘t lie to me“ and you close your eyes, just wanting it all to stop. „Tell me, have you slept with them yet?“ she asks and you sigh, her jealousy something you couldn‘t stand anymore, growing less and less scared and more annoyed by the minutes passing. „Alex- I don‘t want this anymore“ you whisper, a sudden bravery taken over you as you are surprised yourself by the words.

„You little whore, you think you can leave me?“ she chuckles lowly which causes the shaking of your hands to return, knowing whats next. And when she charges for you, you do the only thing you can think of, run. You run upstairs, seeing how she was right behind you, knowing you couldn’t make it to your room safely before desperatly knocking on the three womens bedroom door, hoping despite the middle of the night, they could hear you. But after the first knock, you feel her yanking your hair, pulling you backwards and onto the floor, causing your head to hit the marble flooring hard. „Please“ you scream before the first blow lands on your face, almost knocking the breath from your lungs. Her fists land on you hard as she crouches over your form, a rage in her eyes that you hadn‘t seen before.

And despite this taking mere seconds, it feels like an eternity before the door opens, exposing three shocked face as Cordelia immediately pulls her off you, shoving Alex down the hallway as she kneels beside you, seeing how your face is bloody, expression pale. „What the hell do you think you are doing?“ Wilhemina‘s voice ripples through the silent academy as Alex composes herself. But before she can step forward, Wilhemina abandons her cane, fist landing hard in Alex‘s face as she had been meaning to do that for a long time, the redhead usually never one for this kind of violence but not able to contain herself any longer. The punch is so hard it sends her to the floor as she collects herself but before Wilhemina can carry on, Billie pulls Wilhemina aside, eyes pleading to stop this and all that is left for Alex to do is run, steal away as she knew there was no way she could ever touch you again.

Cordelia‘s hands glow with magic as she tries stabilizing you and Billie and Wilhemina are quick to turn their attention on you as they see you so broken and beaten, wishing they saw this coming. „It‘s okay sweetie, you‘re okay“ the supreme whispers, watching your eyes fighting to stay open. Wilhemina watches you wiggle, almost fighting off the supreme‘s magic, assuming you are scared or in pain at first. „It‘s okay little one, Delia will fix this“ she coos but when the words leave you moments later, beaten and broken, their breathing hitches. „Please don‘t“ you whisper, causing Billie‘s eyebrows to furrow. „I don‘t want you to fix me, I want it to stop“ you whince through the pain. „I want it all to stop“ you repeat, causing tears to fill their vision as the words leave you. „Don‘t.. don‘t say that sweetie“ Cordelia tries through tears , her own hands shaking as she tries to make the pain stop.

And when Wilhemina‘s encouraging hands find the supreme‘s shoulder she manages to fight through this, put you to sleep with her magic before healing you. Once the blood is gone, they sigh in relief for a moment before Billie‘s sobbing echoes through the silent academy, startling the other two. „She doesn‘t deserve this“ she cries now, unable to keep her emotions at bay any longer. „We should have stopped this sooner“ she cries, causing Wilhemina‘s guilt to ripple through her chest as she had been the one stopping Cordelia to intervene from the start. Still she pushes through the pain, guiding Billie off the floor and into their room as the supreme quickly sweeps you into her arms and takes you to their sanctuary too, knowing they can keep you safe there. She lays you on the bed, wrapping you in some blankets before walking over to the medium and wrapping her in her arms, knowing Wilhemina was equally hurting and may need some space.

It takes a few hours until your body wakes again, eyes fluttering open before the pain sharply reminds you of what happened. And for a second your breath hitches, unaware of your surroundings until you realize where you are, recognizing the bed you are laying in and their room. When you force your eyes to open you see Wilhemina sitting on an armchair in the corner, Billie Dean at the end of the bed but no supreme in sight and for a moment you wish you could disappear, not wanting to deal with the shame of this and for how much you had dragged them into this already. Wilhemina is the first to notice as her eyes glance over you, finding your eyes open and she immediately rises, startling Billie as the medium glances up from her phone and her eyes meet yours. „Hi darling“ she greets you warmly before her hand finds yours, her manicured nails keeping you grounded as the anxiety ripples through your chest.

„Are you okay little one?“ the redhead asks and you simply nod, words too much yet as you try and collect yourself, not wanting to burden them anymore than you already have. Their eyes silently communicate as your silence worries them, long seconds passing before the redhead takes a seat beside you on the bed. „Are you in any pain?“ she asks gently before you shake your head and try sitting up, feeling like an intruder in their room before the pain overwhelms you. Billie instantly notices you whincing at the pain before her hand finds your shoulder, trying to reassure and steady you before you flinch, eyes forcing closed and she immediately retracts her hand, your pain reflecting in her eyes. „I‘m sorry“ she whispers before Wilhemina tilts her head, trying to think of what to do. „You‘re safe with us“ she reminds you but it‘s too much and so all you can do is shake your head and try to find balance as you attempt standing.

„What are you doing?“ Billie asks as she glances at Wilhemina panicked and the redhead immediately stands, able to tell by your pained expression, how pale you are and Cordelia‘s words about this magic not light on the body, this was a bad idea. And she was right, as soon as you stand your legs give in but the redhead is quick to catch you, guide you back on the bed as you glance at her with a scared expression. „This is because of Delia‘s healing magic darling, you‘ll be okay“ Billie coos before hot frustrated tears stream down your cheek. The embarrassment of it all causes you to wipe them away and as Billie glances at her girlfriend she can tell you feel overwhelmed. Seconds later, the supreme steps inside, seeing her lovers concerned expression before she takes a glimpse at your form. „Sweetheart, you‘re awake“ she coos before stepping closer.

You don‘t dare to look at her or any of them as you pull your knees to your chest, wanting nothing more for the earth to swallow you whole and erase your existence. By her girlfriends expressions, she can tell there was something wrong and so she kneels beside the bed, looking at you before whispering a soft „Can you look at me?“ and when you don‘t her lips twitch before she whispers „Please Y/N“ and the tone in her voice, so soft and gentle causes you to do just that. „Can you talk to us? are you in pain?“ she asks before you shrug, still not finding your voice yet. „No matter what you feel right now, you are safe“ she reminds you before Billie nods „We just want to take care of you“ she whispers before you sigh, a painful one as you try collecting yourself.

„Can you take me to my room please?“ you whisper, glancing at Cordelia‘s whos eyes find your teary ones. „Why sweetie?“ she asks, immediately concerned as she remembers your earlier words. „I don‘t want to be here“ you whisper which causes Wilhemina‘s eyebrows to furrow. „Why?“ she asks, voice raw and vulnerable and then the dam breaks, whatever you had been feeling finally spilling from your lips. „Because I‘m- a burden“ you choke out, voice barely above a whisper but before they could even say anything, the rest spills. „You have your own life and I have been dragging you down with mine for weeks. Neither of you deserve that, you should be happy and not worried about me. I‘ll be fine“ you whisper before Cordelia shakes her head. „Sweetie, you aren‘t a burden, you mean so much to us and you.. you are a part of our life“ she smiles which causes your eyes to meet hers, a flicker of hope crossing your features for a split second.

„We love you“ Billie suddenly blurts out, unable to hold it in any longer. „And I know you meant us when you told me you had feelings for someone and I‘m sorry we didn‘t see it sooner, sorry you had to find out this way but we do. Every single one of us loves you for different reasons“ her confession leaves you stunned and in tears as you lock eyes with Cordelia and Wilhemina, almost asking silently whether it‘s true. „We do little one“ the redhead admits before Cordelia speaks softly „It‘s true darling and I know you may want time or you may not want this at all and that is completely your choice but please let us take care of you, you have been through too much“ she whispers and then your hand finds hers, rushed almost as if their truth is too much to bare. She holds it immediately, not too tight but enough to make you believe she is there and wasn‘t going to let go.

There is a long silence before Billie speaks again „You deserve someone who will not turn around at night, who will hold you, who will put you first and not make you do any chores, who will never touch you without permission, who will treat you with the same kindness you treat them. You deserve your favorite kind of flowers and so much more“ she whispers, causing you to almost blush if this wasn‘t all so sad and triggering. „Thank you Billie“ you whisper, almost a little shy before she presses a kiss to your hand that she had been holding for a while now. The medium disappears for a smoke for a second, wanting to get you some water before you glance at Wilhemina, the same overwhelming feeling of wanting to be in her arms creeping up on you and she can tell. „Mina can“ you whisper before she nods immediately, moving closer as your arms wrap around her and she holds you, Cordelia watching the exchange with a bittersweet smile, knowing this was the first step in many to get you to heal.

„We would love to take care of you sweetheart, if you let us“ Cordelia tries gently as your head rests on Mina‘s shoulder, eyes finding the supreme. „Promise you aren‘t a burden“ she whispers before you nod. „Okay“ you whisper, sad, scared and broken before the supreme‘s eyes fill with tears, tears of relief and pride. Her hand finds your face, halting before you nod in permission. She is soft in the way she caresses your cheeks, whispering sweet reassurance as Wilhemina holds you closer. And the supreme made sure before that your ex girlfriend was never going to bother you again, never step foot into the coven or near you ever again. „We‘ve got you now“ she whispers softly and with the redheads arms around you, so much safer and steady, holding you as if you are the most fragile thing on the planet and the supreme‘s reassuring eyes, Billie‘s kindness, a glimpse of hope washes across you as you think that maybe, just maybe they could treat you right and heal the parts that someone else had broken and taken from you.

[ozai-the-bonsai]

The Last Goodbye

Pairing: Daemon Targaryen x sister!reader

Summary: Daemon is getting ready to fly to Harrenhal to meet his fate above the Gods Eye and it kills you to send him off to his death. You share your last goodbyes before Daemon departs, which leaves you seeking for revenge.

A/N: I dreamt some part of this a few nights ago (the readers dream at the beginning is 1:1 with my dream :3) and I knew I had to write it as soon as possible! Unlike my typical Daemon works, this one-shot is all about an emotional last scene between the reader and Daemon. Enjoy!

Warnings: strong language, targcest

“Where is Daemon?”

The disgusting smirk on your nephew's face, Aegon, only served to heighten your unease. Your tone turned sharp, bordering on a threat. "I asked you a question, Aegon."

Aegon raised an eyebrow at your direction as he made himself comfortable on his chair, pouring himself some wine. “Mind your tone, Aunt – this is not how you talk to your king.”

You had never been a patient woman; however, with Aegon, your patience was practically non-existent. “I have no king, you fucking idiot.” You hissed between your gritted teeth and in a moment of blind rage, you found your hands holding Aegon from his collar. “Need I repeat myself?” Your voice was loud.

However, instead of fear in his eyes, all you could see was Aegon snickering as he looked somewhere over your shoulder. Quickly, you let him go and turned around – only to see Aemond mounting Vhagar. At that moment, it all hit you.

“No…” You muttered as you pushed Aegon away and ran to the stairs. “DAEMON, WHERE ARE YOU?”

You weren’t quite sure what scared you more – the way you woke up screaming, the nightmare itself, or the loud clang coming from the other end of the chambers.

“Fuck,” Daemon cursed as he bent down to pick up the piece of armour from the ground, which was apparently responsible for the noise. “That was some fucking loud scream.”

Holding the armour piece in his hands, your brother walked towards your bed, sitting at your feet as you tried to steady your breathing. “Bad dream?” He asked with a soft voice as he placed the piece on his lap and held your hand. You nodded.

“I thought I lost you, you were going…” While your eyes wandered around the room, you could put the pieces together and the moment you understood what Daemon was up to, the very same feeling from your nightmare returned. “What… are you doing?”

Daemon leant in to place a small kiss on top of your head. “You should go back to sleep…” But before his lips could land on you, you interrupted him by pushing him away harshly to stand up, the last bits of sleep hanging onto your lashes were long gone. Heaving a sigh, Daemon stood up as well. “You really want to do it this way, dear sister, don’t you?”

Again, patience had never been your best practice and Daemon… Well, let’s say that Daemon could easily compete with Aegon when it came to toying with your patience.

The only difference was that you had never fucked Aegon – even the mere idea of the act with your nephew was disgusting – but Daemon you had been fucking ever since you were a young woman.

“You were going to fuck off before saying goodbye to me!” Your voice thundered inside your chambers, catching Daemon off-guard, causing him to slightly flinch. “The last goodbye – am I not worth it? After all these years, after everything we have been through…”

Your brother stood up after leaving the piece of armour on the bed. “You are but so eager to see me dead, mandia,” his words brushed against your cheeks as he took you into his arms, his frame towering over yours. “I will kill the hoary old bitch and her one-eyed cunt of a rider, and be back before sunrise – you wouldn’t have realised my absence.” [mandia = sister]

“Daemon, please,” your voice was lower this time, the rage leaving its place to fear, tears forming on your eyes. “Don’t do this. Don’t leave me.” The lump in your throat was getting larger with each word, making it impossible to breathe. “You know you won’t make it out alive – Vhagar is too strong for you to take her out alone.”

Daemon cupped your face, wiping way the tears rolling down your cheek. “Have faith in me, love,” he spoke in the language of your people. He knew his words had a stronger effect on you whenever he spoke in High Valyrian, perhaps you found it more personal or felt yourself even closer to him – you didn’t really know. “Tonight, I will end this war. Tomorrow, I will give our niece her crown and then, I am all yours. Until my last breath.”

A sob escaped your lips, knowing very well that this was Daemon’s last goodbye. You both knew he was not coming back once he mounted Caraxes – though he would never admit it. Not to you, to his dear sister.

“Take me with you,” the words left your lips without even thinking. “Aemond will not be anticipating Nerathos accompanying Caraxes to Harrenhal.”

Shaking his head, Daemon placed his left hand on your belly. “I cannot lose you both, my love.” He whispered. The way his lower lip trembled as he gave voice to his deepest fear – before you knew it, you burst into tears, sobbing violently as you fell onto your knees.

“Daemon, please,” your voice was weak when you spoke. Pushing away the strands of silver hair falling in front of your eyes, you looked up to meet Daemon’s gaze, your purple eyes shining with tears. “I am begging you. Don’t leave us.”

With a bittersweet smile on his lips, Daemon helped you getting back on your feet. It was easy to see how hard he was trying to keep his emotions under control for he knew once he allowed himself to break, he would not be able to leave you behind.

He pulled you into his arms, his face buried in your silver hair. “There is no other way,” he whispered as he inhaled your scent deeply. “I love you, more than anything.”

Your sobs were silenced by Daemon’s lips, pressed firmly against yours. The kiss was full of passion, love and sorrow – you poured all the heavy feelings you carried in your heart into that last kiss, everything you had said and you never got to say. As Daemon’s tongue slid into your mouth and his grip on your waist tightened, you could still taste the salt from the tears – though you did not know whose tears they were anymore.

Time froze around the two of you as you melted into the kiss one last time. Daemon held you so tight as if he was afraid someone could come and snatch you away from him any moment, as if he was afraid to lose you. Your hands wrapped around his neck got tangled in his silver hair.

The moment Daemon broke the kiss, you knew you had to say goodbye to him in a few moments. He pushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “Wait for me, dear sister,” he spoke against your lips, “I will be back before sunrise.”

Even you yourself do not believe these words, love.

However, instead of arguing further, you forced a smile onto your lips as you nodded, tears still rolling down your cheeks. “Don’t you dare make me wait, lēkia.” As Daemon was about to take the last piece of his armour lying on the bed, you held him from his wrist, causing him to look at you. “Daemon,” you breathed out his name. “I love you, too. I will always love you.” [lēkia = brother]

You did not know how long you sat on your bed, crying, after Daemon left for Harrenhal. It was impossible to control your body which was constantly shaking – the mixed feelings of intense sorrow, the-soon-to-come grief and immense degrees of rage against the Greens had completely taken over the control.

After an hour of anxious waiting and sobbing, your body stopped shaking with the idea that came to your mind. You knew it was risky and you knew the Queen would probably not like you going rogue but at that moment, none of this mattered. Your blood boiled with the desire for revenge. And you knew exactly how you could take it.

It didn’t take long for you to change into your riding armour and mount your dragon Nerathos. As you flew over King’s Landing, Daemon’s voice still echoed in your ears, telling you to protect the baby. It was reckless, what you were about to do, you knew that quite well. You could lose your baby if anything went wrong, or you could follow the same path your brother had; however, in that moment, you were blinded by rage.

I will not let Daemon die for nothing! Eye for an eye – brother for a brother!

The flight to Dragonstone wasn’t long, before you knew it, Nerathos was getting ready to descend.

Considering it was the hour of the wolf, you did not expect to see anyone outside the castle. As you were planning how to bring down the walls on Aegon’s fucking head to crush the crippled cunt inside, your purple eyes shone for you had seen the said cripple outside the castle – only accompanied by a handful of guards.

You could tell he was anxiously waiting to hear from Harrenhal.

However, the only thing he heard was the flapping of Nerathos’ wings.

“DRAGON!” You heard someone shout from below as your dragon made a quick dive. The guards were trying to take Aegon to safety quickly but they could not match the pace of a dragon. As Nerathos landed in front of them, the guards created a wall in front of the usurper, pointing their swords at the dragon.

Nerathos roared, cutting through the night like a blade.

“Nerathos,” you spoke with determination inside your eyes. “Dracarys!”

[factual-fantasy]

27 asks! Thanks everyone!! :}} 🍭

@p0wer-up21

Thank you so much! And actually, I can! :D While I was watching episode 4 I saw Gummigoo with his brothers and felt kind'a bad for my Gummigoo.. having to leave them behind like that.. And you know me and brothers. I cant separate them permanently like that XDD

So I changed up my AU! In episode 2 instead of just Pomni and Gummigoo clipping through the floor while Max, Chad and the Rig blast into the sky... I decided that the whole Rig and all 4 of them all clipped through the map together.

The 3 of them have their existential moments and find the strength to move on thanks to Pomni. She brings them back to he circus and convinces Caine to let them stay. Since then the 4 of them have been a tight knit friend group, and they basically follow each other everywhere. Although it sucks that Max and Chad have to bare the horrible weight of sentience and emotions... at least they all have each other :))

As I expected, after seeing more of her good side I like her a lot more XDD I knew she just needed some more screen time. I like her relationship with Gangle and how genuine she is about wanting her around. Zooble went from a D to a solid B :))

Thank you very much for this sweet message 💞💞 I thank and wish the same for you! :}}

Actually, I'll go further! I hope something makes you laugh so hard that any time you think about it over the next week you laugh about it all over again! :))

:DD Well thank you so much for complimenting me and it! :}}]

Oh absolutely! My Caine consults the suggestion box almost exclusively when planning his adventures :D

I don't think I would have the stupid sauce in my AU. Or at least it wouldn't actually have any effect on anyone. Since none of the cast are supposed to eat the food, there's no reason why the stupid sauce should have any taste or effect on anyone. <:/

I imagine Caine would make multiple copies of the same restaurant and split the circus into smaller teams. Maybe he could even have them compete with each other :00

Instead of being a rather empty feeling episode..? With hardly any customers, its a episode with a fast paced work environment and some rude customers sprinkled in there.

Caines intention was to help the cast with their teamwork, problem solving and facing/managing negative emotions.

In the end everyone felt like how you usually feel after a draining 8 hour shift at a crummy McDonalds. <XD But ultimately it was an exercise that had more benefits then consequences on their sanity.

I do not :( Sorry!

I DO have a fanfic blog here on tumblr, but I got so embarrassed by my armature writing that I private the few fics I made 💀

@misscherrypie

It looks delicious!.. Man, now I gotta go make a sandwich XDD

@artistiemi

Aww! Thank you! And that drawing is absolutely FANTASTIC! :DD So soft and adorable.. well done! :))

@holly-opal

NGL, I was rather underwhelmed. I was expecting this frantic episode where the cast tried to learn teamwork and maybe as they failed to server orders fast enough the horror would ramp up and what not..

But what I got was an episode that felt very very empty. And an arc for Gangle that I didn't understand..

I read the comments and everyone was gushing about how wonderful and meaningful this episode was. So I have no doubt that it was a good episode. It just wasn't what I expected and I didn't understand the actually message it was trying to convey with Gangle. Which isn't at all the episodes fault. :0

XDD Indeed he is! It was the only male Sylveon adjacent name I could think of 😔

@taco-hyeh (Creature is from this post)

:DD Thank you so much! And oh yeah! I remember that guy. :0 Some kind of monstrous swamp creature I thought up. His first doodle was a spooky one but I couldn't help myself and made him silly the next time around XDD

@caronaro-flipaclip (In response to this post)

Thank you so much!! :DD Also I hadn't realized it until now, but NGL Jax has been shown a lot of mercy in my AU 💀

Caine has properly disciplined him over the years and hasn't let him get away with any of the crap he's pulled. Over time this has had good effects on Jax's personality and behavior. Realizing that "hey things are better and people are nicer to me when I'm not such a jerk."

Also because Jax is more genuine and isn't a jerk all the time, he has formed a genuine friend group within the circus. With people who genuinely care about Jax and share his sense of humor. These people being Kaufmo, Maufko, Sneemo and Doug primarily.

Not only do these 4 genuinely enjoy hanging around with Jax, but they often side with him and come to his defense when they know he isn't in the wrong. Having people on his side and feeling he has real friendships with these people has done so much to improve his mental health and behavior.

So yeah. Ngl Jax has been shown a boatload of mercy 💀but in my defense its because he's a decently better person in my AU so he doesn't deserve all the hate. Also he's not exempt from any angst. He's still existential about being in the circus which still makes him act out sometimes. :// Hence him crabbing at Queenie for something stupid and getting rightfully pretzeled over it XDD

(Link in ask)

:DD I'm happy to hear that! :))

Oh don't worry, I still love the FNAF and Octonauts and will draw them in private if I ever want to. I just wont post Octonauts anymore and will be hesitant to post FNAF again <:)

Also thank you! I wish the same for you! :DD

Google translation of ask: "Can you translate the comics yourself? I know that fan-translations are stolen from you, I just want to enjoy the comics you make without them being stolen!"

My Google translated response: Lo siento, pero mi blog es sólo un blog de hobby. No tengo ningún deseo de traducir mis cómics a otros idiomas y no quiero que nadie lo haga por mí. Lo siento mucho.

My English response: I'm sorry, but my blog is just a hobby blog. I have no desire to translate my comics into other languages and I don't want anyone to do that for me. I'm very sorry. <:(

Canonically? I don't really care for their personalities much.. but design wise I've always kind'a liked Iggy. Not his slender stature though, I like the Koopas to be short and stout-- Its his lime green and purple shell with the crazy eyes and his association with chain chomps that has always appealed to me.

@beryl-shade

XD oh boy do I know about Pingu. His face is all over the internet! And one of my fav brain rot songs is CG5s song about him XDD

As for how my OCs would interact with him, I'm not sure <:0 there's just too many OCs to choose from!

@v0idish-t3ars

Yeah, all that stealing has been such a downer. I'm glad you like my artwork though <:) I plan to try to just keep on keeping on. 👍

Oh dear :(

To anyone who thinks this; if an artist states they do not want their art reposted? There is absolutely no loop hole or way around it. If you repost it, you are a thief. No matter what. period.

@wolfie-777

Ough... a warm, carbonated, sugary drink. That just sounds like a potion for a stomach ache 😭💀

@howeaboutsomeketchul

Hopefully that doesn't cause you any pain! <XDDD

@teemhaunts (In response to this post)

Great choices! :DD My favorite creature is probably Shararook. But this is only based on appearance. When it comes to playing I really enjoy fast creatures with great mobility. Shararook cant run, jump, swim, glide, fly or even climb! He's just a slow tank that lumbers around... he looks super cool but MAN he's a drag to play as.

So amongst my other favorites based on appearance, my absolute favorite to play as would be Momola. Its so fun to absolutely BLAST around the map collecting things and exploring XDDD All the while my wings don't fold so I can always see how pretty they are! :DD

(In response to this post)

Indeed I do! :DD I played it a whole bunch during my hiatus and still play it everyday. Speaking of which, the winter event started recently and I had a goal to try and buy one of everything in the event shop. After seeing the prices? W o o f. There's no way I can earn all that in time so settled with just buying out half the shop 😅

That was a very poor start to this ask 😅 I nearly blocked you on sight thinking you were yet another anon coming to disrespect my boundaries. Thank goodness I read through the whole thing-

And while I cant say I've had any luck drawing things in private, I can confidently say that I'll just be drawing whatever I want.

And I'm sorry to hear that you are also unwell :( I hope that the both of us find some relief soon.. and I hope that my art can continue to brighten your day in the meantime! <:)) Thank you!! :))

[ilikekidsshows]

I see what you're getting at, like, everything is nuanced, let's not generalize everyone who uses a specific approach to discussing stories, and so on, but, while I can't be sure of the anon's intentions, my intention with the post was to specifically talk about the refusal to engage with what is going on in the story, what has always been going on, and shutting down emotional reactions to it because they aren't analytical enough.

"Dismissing these kinds of fandom reactions only when they veer into the negative direction showcases the real motivation of the “it’s all just the writing” crowd. I need to dissociate from the show’s story in order to discuss why Marinette is still so beloved by the fandom, because I just can’t feel that way about her anymore. Similarly, the people dissociating from the story in order to explain why fans are disappointed and outraged by the story, can’t see anything worth getting upset about in the show."

I am talking about people who completely disengage from the idea that the show and its protagonist could be in the wrong. Of course there are people who still enjoy the show while feeling it needs some changes in its very makeup. But there are also people who refuse to see the problems as anything other "temporary bad writing", who think we just have to watch longer and the show will be good again.

I'm a writer myself. I have a master's degree in English literature. I know how to engage with writing in an analytical way, and have, in fact, done so over several of the things I also complain about. However, I'm also a member of the audience, and I watch and read stories to experience feelings. If a story fails to invoke specific feelings in me, it's failed as a story, same thing if I'd eaten food I didn't enjoy. I don't need to say "use this specific amount of these seasonings" to get that across, I can just say "there was too much ginger". Like, yeah, the former is more useful to the cook, but I'm not saying this stuff to the cook/writers, or even to the fans who say stuff like "Marinette is just a victim of bad writing and not wanting to see her own screen is wrong because of that". I'm saying this to the people reading my blog, who are also annoyed at seeing this stuff and want to vent.

Simply put, I am done with constantly excusing this show. New followers who are here only for my salt phase don't know this, but I used to defend this show so hard before the retool. I granted Marinette's character so much grace and good faith because I could see what the show was going for, only for the writers to increase those aspects of Marinette's character that I had to excuse in order to enjoy her on screen. This hasn't happened with any other character to this degree, except Chloé, who I was never that attached to, so I don't think it's hypocritical when I claim Marinette specifically has been made unenjoyable as a character, because I can't even watch past episodes with her, without seeing those character flaws that would later be glorified after the retool, because, as I said in the beginning, Marinette's character hasn't changed, the narrative around her character has.

Sure, I could write a hundred essays on how I think Miraculous' story could be more engaging, how it could more easily invoke the feelings I don't feel while watching it. But, at this point, what is the point? I don't feel like jumping through Marinette-shielding hoops again in order to engage in discussions with the fandom proper. I'm done with that. I feel like it doesn't matter how kindly or analytically anyone picks apart this show, because nothing is going to change. It's so hard to care about that kind of stuff anymore. I'm just tired, disappointed and angry and I'm dealing with it by ranting angrily. I'm pretty sure the same applies to my anons. There's a reason I call this blog a support group. It's tongue-in-cheek, but accurate. We're all just trying to cope in our own ways.

I get that alot of people go with the approach of "every Miraculous character is deeply screwed by the writers, so it's a writing problem" but at this point this feels like deflecting from the real problem

No shit stories and their characters are written by writers, but so many blogs I see now that go with that approach imo keep on dismissing the point of the problems people are pissed about because "well the characters aren't real, so I'm superior for saying it's the writers fault"

Guys, we KNOW they are fictional characters, you're not unique. But what is happening is that I get less and less out of the analysis posts from these blogs because they're beating around the damn bush especially when it comes to Marinette.

Yes, every character is screwed by the writing but Marinette has been retooled into the self-serving center of the universe who gets by though damn technicalities. This writing pattern is 2 disastrous seasons in, SHE IS THE PROBLEM.

You can try and sugarcoat that however you like by saying that Marinette is a fictional character so its the writers fault, but that doesn't change that Marinette's CHARACTER & WRITING is still the source of all the problems and that stories are being told to get emotional reactions. That's the entire purpose of a story.

No, I don't think people are doing it right by approaching all of Miraculous on a mere meta level. That's not how a story is supposed to be read. The meta level is an additional one on top of the emotional one, not the "rational way" to consume media.

And imo the analysis blogs I see around so much deliver less and less analysis posts I can do anything with. They are so caught up in explaining that the characters aren't to blame but the writers that they sideline why people are feeling the way they do.

There is this persistent dissonance in their posts about how apparently no amount of bad writing can change a character when that's just... objectively incorrect. Marinette for example is SUPPOSED to be compassionate and a thoughtful hero and partner/ leader to Cat Noir. Marinette in Canon though by this point is straight up NOT anymore.

But in their posts it's basically said that if people say that, then that makes them irrational because on a meta level the execution and effect of the writing is apparently irrelevant. Distant meta is king and the only rational way to engage with this story.

And I just don't see the point in that.

The outcome and the emotional effect of the writing is what actually matters. Not the intention behind it (no wonder people are using that excuse to defend Marinette's character. It's another variant of "but she MEANT well"). If Marinette is by now a toxic and even abusive partner and leader to be suck with, then that's the fucking damage the writing did. And said damage is DONE. That's her character NOW. Talk about the theory behind it however you like, the character CONCEPT is not Canon compliant anymore, and nothing is gonna change that besides facing the deeply rooted damage that has been done, analysing those on an EMOTIONAL level so you can then course correct the CANON character through the necessary development into becoming what the character was initially supposed to be.

Call me a dick, but just saying "the characters aren't real" is not a productive way of going about this dumpster fire anymore.

---

Another thing to take into account about the “it’s just bad writing” approach is that, like, it’s not like the way Marinette herself is being written has changed that much. What changed is how the narrative and other characters react to her and her behavior. Marinette has always been self-important, self-serving and self-obsessed, but these used to be treated as character flaws, signs of her immaturity and naivete she’d need to grow out of. Now we’re being told she’s flawless, actually, and has never done anything wrong ever and none of her mistakes were her fault. 

Like, I’ve recently been familiarizing myself more with the “my dear diary” teen drama genre, and it really is more of a dramedy genre if anything. Most of these series will have a self-important, self-serving and self-obsessed protagonist and the entire narrative is filtered through their self-centered world-view, because we’re basically reading their diary where they vent about things that annoy or excite them. Now comes the kicker: the “comedy” of the dramedy comes from how comically over the top these protagonists are when they clearly and obviously misrepresent their lives and themselves to the audience. Miraculous is leaning very heavily into this downright selfish protagonist archetype, but actually wants you to agree with the protagonist when you can see, with your own eyes, because this is a different medium, that the world isn’t nearly as unfair to our protagonist as she claims.

Here’s another kicker: if you aren’t laughing at the joke or projecting yourself onto the protagonist, you’re most likely gonna hate the protagonist of most “my dear diary” books. They tend to be the most opinion-splitting characters in their own fandoms, with readers either loving them or outright despising them.

Dismissing these kinds of fandom reactions only when they veer into the negative direction showcases the real motivation of the “it’s all just the writing” crowd. I need to dissociate from the show’s story in order to discuss why Marinette is still so beloved by the fandom, because I just can’t feel that way about her anymore. Similarly, the people dissociating from the story in order to explain why fans are disappointed and outraged by the story, can’t see anything worth getting upset about in the show. They think it’s all okay. They’re not approaching the show purely logically, they are still emotionally invested, they still like the show. Of course the seemingly logical approach to fandom unrest seems to just be defending Marinette and the show, because it is.

It’s basically a way to retreat from the criticism. Like, the accusations of Marinette being a stalker used to be easily sidelined with “it’s just a joke you don’t like” until they made it a sign of canonical mental instability. It was a way to say: "this is a silly thing to be upset about". Now we’re sidelining the abuse apologia with “it’s just bad writing, that’s not what Marinette’s character is”. What these people are actually saying is: “she’s made up, so my made up version of Marinette in my head didn’t do that.” Like, when you have to deny canon exists, your analysis isn’t analysis anymore; it’s headcanons at the very least, completely made up at most.

[littleplantfreak]

'When', not 'if'

("I'm not a romantic" I cry and scream before dropping the most sickening thing i've written to date. Blame @stunie because i did tell her i would write the most ume thing ever and maybe this is it. The title in my docs for it is 'Fucking disgusting' but i figured i better not title it that here because I'd be seeing it in my notifs lmaoo)

SFW/no cw unless you hate fluff

When you wake up from your nap, one of your slippers is gone, and there's a blanket on you that wasn't there prior. Looking at the clock, it's been about an hour since everyone had left your apartment once your birthday party ended. The day as a whole had been chaotic, your boyfriend shoving you out the door with a note to go see Kotoha.

The note took you farther than that, though, as it seemed Umemiya created a whole scavenger hunt for your birthday that had you running into all of your friends, having dessert at your favorite cafe, and eventually ending up at your shared apartment to find that all that time spent around town was a distraction so that he could set up the space for your party. After it had ended, you were banished to the couch because princesses aren't allowed to help clean up their own birthday parties, which had you huffing and falling face down into the chicken shaped pillow affectionately called Mr.Clucky.

It was a product of your boyfriend's endless cycle of hobbies when he took up sewing. A little lopsided and overfilled with stuffing, you complained to and into Mr.Clucky with your face pressed into him. Apparently, he was soft enough to fall asleep on because before you knew it, you had been drooling on him the entire hour. Prying yourself off the couch took more effort than was almost worth it before your eyes fell on the reason you were so tired to begin with.

Hajime smiles and hums looking at your bleary eyes. "Good morning sunshine, I was just about to take you to bed," he says, folding a dish towel over a chair. You toss off the blanket and grab on the slipper that fell under the living room table before padding up to him. Dipping your hands under both of his arms to lock them together behind him, now your face is in his chest instead of the chicken, which is entirely preferred.

"Don't wanna go to bed just yet," you muffle, sinking even deeper into him when both of his arms wrap around you in support. He smells like dish soap and birthday cake, and you turn your head to hear the heartbeat in his chest.

"What do you wanna do lovey? You know I'd give you the world if you asked," you can hear the rumble of his voice in his chest with your pressed ear. He's cheesy, but half asleep, you feel just as much, if not cheesier.

"I have the world if I have you, they're one in the same. So just you is more than fine." Your eyes are closed, but you feel him shiver a little. "I wanna dance with you, though," you say, voice still soft and kinda raspy from sleep.

"Dunno if I can top what you just said even when I propose," he chokes out a laugh, or at least you think it's one. He shifts his hold a bit and starts leading you both in a lazy sway that starts near the toaster and ends next to the potted plant at the back door before starting over.

"When? Not if?" You tease him, a hand going to scratch the nape of his neck lightly.

"I'll never meet another you, so I'm pretty set on When."

"I'll say yes." Because you will. You can't imagine a life where you wouldn't.

"And I'll still cry when you do." You can tell he's crying now because it comes out shaky and his hold tightens a bit, before you lean back, stopping your impromptu waltz. Both of your hands come up to cup his face and look at his teary grey eyes before cooing at him.

"You big baby! Save those tears for When please. You'll be congested and sniffley all night if you don't stop." You start cleaning off his face with your sleeve, but he stops one of your hands and starts peppering your palm and wrist with small kisses. "I think I'm ready for bed now. Princess's orders," you say, dragging him towards your bedroom. You'll have to figure out tomorrow just how soon When is going to be, but for now you can hear the slow thumps of Hajime's steps as he follows behind you, squeezing your connected hand. It's not pressing in the least, you think, because it feels like there will be plenty of tomorrows too.

-----

When you wake up in the morning, it takes you an hour to realize Hajime had put the ring on your finger while you were asleep.

It takes you five minutes to run through town in your pajamas, barefoot to find and full on tackle him in front of the place he was about to get your breakfast in.

And it takes about two minutes of unintelligible blubbering on both your parts before anyone understands what is going on.

No one timed it, but if they did, it would've taken less than ten minutes for the whole town to find out via texts, calls, and yells down the streets and through windows that you're engaged.

[candy8448]

I was thinking about the stakes in tears of the kingdom:

(A small analysis essay)

(Ill be using words that will hopefully not out any spoilers)

In breath of the wild you had to defeat ganon, the stakes were that if you didn't defeat ganon in time zelda would be too weak to hold him any longer and the kingdom of hyrule will be doomed.

However in totk, there is nothing like that. There is no urgent stakes for defeating ganondorf. Everything is almost at a standstill, everything has been waiting since the begining of this Hyrule and there is no time limit for fighting ganondorf. In fact, ganondorf is kinda just waiting for link at the end.

And then i remembered, this game isn't about saving Hyrule, Hyrule is fine, everyone is actually kind of excited at these turn of events. There is no current evil they should be concerned of other than the gloom which is easily dodged.

This game is about finding and being with Zelda.

It's been that from the very start.

From the moment you wake up on the geat sky island you are given the objective to find zelda

Everyone who is close to you is asking where is zelda, you are told to investigate each region because zelda was spotted there, not because a great evil has arrived and they are in danger (even though that is also the case, zelda is still at the forefront of your concern)

It's only later in the game, once you have almost everything done that the goal becomes defeat ganondorf but even then, it is because you now know what happened wih zelda and need to make sure her efforts were worth it. Once you know that zelda's goals are to defeat ganondorf, that is when you join her in her goals rather than looking for her.

Even until the very last second of the end credits scene it is about getting to zelda, saving zelda, making sure zelda is okay, standing by zelda...

Breath of the wild was about regaining your memories, doing what you can and gaining forces to aid in defeating ganon because that is what you are told to do by the king at the begining, a role told to someone who has no memories, no way to make a decision of what he wants to do. This is even so in the memories, he is a soldier that must do as he is told, no choices made by himself alone. The game is about rebuilding and defeating an evil before it can stop that healing. He, We are a slate that has no job to do other than save everybody in time.

In tears of the kingdom, we have those memories, we have those experiences, he has the connections and emotions to decide for himself what he wants, not a duty to the kingdom. He got to chose what is important to him and he got to put that front and center in his life, above duty, above a role, above anything else,

And he chose Zelda...

[rinhaler]

ig coz you only got 2 notes on that post saying you were writing earlier lmao hoping to get more attention now you’ve said you’re gonna deactivate = attention seeker

you think I care about making a random chatty post and not getting notes on it enough to deactivate 😭😭 embarrassing take idk who you are but if you think I’m that much of an attention seeker ig you should block me but I’ll happily do it for you if you wanna continue this.

[skitskatdacat63]

Boy King Seb :D

[orcelito]

Wild that anytime I post an update a lot of people read it and are even excited about it and have their own thoughts and reactions to it that I'll never know.

Comments are only the very tip of the iceberg with it. And I am Very grateful to commenters for letting me in on it. But in the same way that I'll be excited with my friends when a fic we love updates, it's likely that Other people enthuse with Their friends when my fic updates. And it's just so strange. An experience I'll never have access to.

Everyone's relationship with my fic is unique. So many different people with so many different circumstances and preferences... and the number of people that have told me that my fic is one of their favorites, some even saying it's their Favorite favorite... every single one of them have their own relationship with my writing.

It's just interesting to me. I think and think and think on my writing. I have my plans for basically the entire fic, the way I want it to end already thought out, all the major plot beats and the relationship progressions, All of that thought out. I love my writing so very much, but I'm on the inside looking out. This is my mechanical horse, and I'm in here laying out the groundwork and pulling levers and constructing limbs, puttering away making the horse move. Forever and always, my relationship with it will be more intimate than anyone's, and yet more clinical. Because I know it better than the back of my own hand, but I'll never have the experience of reading it fresh. Of reading it without knowing everything that's going to happen from now to the end and beyond. I won't have the thrill of the plot twists I have planned, the delight at seeing things progress, the horror at seeing things go wrong...

This is my mechanical horse, and I'm making it move.

I just always wonder what it must be like to see it from the outside. I hope to others that it's a pretty horse.

[loosesodamarble]

As Time Moves On Part 3: An Overdue Reconciliation

Summary: Nozel gathers his family for a discussion that needs to happen for the sake of the future of House Silva. Genre: general, hurt/comfort(?) Word count: ~3800

..........

Noelle gazed up at the grand visage of House Silva’s wing of the royal palace. The tall, sleek towers and spires. The windows that gleamed more like crystal than glass in the sunlight. It was beautiful but austere.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” a voice asked from behind her.

Noelle turned around to look at Finral as he leaned out of the portal he was holding open. His brows furrowed in concern and as much as he smiled, Noelle could tell it was something he forced at the moment.

“Don’t worry so much. I’m royalty, I’ll be fine here,” Noelle stated as she flicked one of her pigtails behind her shoulder. When Finral didn’t back into his portal, Noelle instead gave her squadmate a small grin. “I’m me, I can handle myself.”

The concern on Finral’s face loosened a bit. He almost receded into the portal before he extended an arm to Noelle. And from the look in his eyes, Noelle knew. She stepped over and let Finral give her a one-armed hug. She hugged him back.

“You better not come back to tell us you joined the Eagles, got it?” Finral muttered as he gave the back of Noelle’s shoulder a pat.

“If you really want to be stuck with me…” Noelle gave him a squeeze before they both let go.

The two gave each other a smile and nod before Noelle turned to House Silva again. Once upon a time, the palace was a cold and lonely prison. She took a deep breath. Then, she took her first step towards the door.

Today, she was returning to her first home.

.....

In one of the palace’s lounges, Noelle sat with Solid and Nebra with tea and snacks on the table between their seats. Nozel was still on his way, finishing squad business according to Nebra. So while the younger siblings waited, they decided to recount their actions from the night Clover Kingdom made their attack against the Spade Kingdom.

“You redirected a spell that large?!” Noelle exclaimed as she leaned forward in her seat.

“Don’t pretend to sound impressed!” Solid snapped back. “I bet you think you could’ve stopped it altogether!”

“I’m not pretending though!” Noelle said, a bit more forcefully than she meant to. “Just take a compliment, why don’t you?”

Solid made a “ngh” sound and his face started to burn red. “What you said was hardly a compliment! Besides, how do I know that you’re not just mocking me, huh?”

“Oh how pathetic that’d be,” Nebra muttered behind her hand. She leaned in Noelle’s direction. “Though if you want pointers on how to get on Solid’s nerves, I can share.” She winked at her sister.

“Yeah, no thanks.” Noelle hid a mildly disgusted look behind a sip of tea. And here I thought Nebra and Solid were as close as can be. Guess they’ll even turn on each other if it amuses them.

Her heart felt heavy at that idea. She’d always felt like she alone was pushed away and knocked down. But the cruel, cutthroat nature of House Silva could target her siblings too it seemed. It really had been for the best that Noelle never fit into that environment, that she wound up in the Black Bulls and became who she was in the present.

Had she been a fool for ever wanting to fit in with her family?

Noelle lowered her cup.

No. She wasn’t a fool for wanting to be close to her family. Rather, she was short-sighted for wanting to fit into a dynamic that tore down the weak instead of encouraging growing into strength.

Noelle glanced to her side to Nebra and in front of her to Solid. Their presence carried with them painful memories but… There was also a relief in knowing that they were okay after all was said and done.

“Ugh. What’s taking Nozel so long?” Nebra grumbled. “He was the one to summon us here yet he—”

The lounge doors were pushed open. And there Nozel was.

Noelle’s eyes went wide at Nozel’s appearance. Rather than his usual attire, Nozel wore a plain white tunic with a low collar. While it wasn’t anything revealing, seeing him dressed that way made Noelle realize that she’d never seen Nozel so casually. Nor had she seen his neck uncovered before. And it was a mildly jarring sight.

“Good afternoon, everyone,” he stated while walking in. The expression on his face looked like a smile but there was a pain to it that made it impossible for Noelle to believe he was happy. “I’m glad you all could make it today.”

In total silence, Nozel directed Solid to sit with Noelle and Nebra on the sofa before sitting in the armchair across from them.

“Nozel, why exactly are we here?” Nebra was the one to ask, being the most comfortable with approaching the eldest brother.

There was a moment of silence as Nozel took a deep breath then opened his eyes, meeting each other his younger sibling’s confused gazes with an intense one of his own. He looked more serious in that moment than he’d ever been in his entire life.

And having seen Nozel in the midst of the battle with Megicula, Noelle was shocked that such a feat was possible.

“It’s time that all of you learned the truth regarding our mother, Acier Silva’s, death,” Nozel stated plainly but resolutely.

“Truth?” Solid echoed. He glanced over in Noelle’s direction, his confusion quickly turning to anger. “But we know what happened to Mother! I saw her! So did you two!” Solid gestured to Nozel and Nebra. “She got sick before Noelle was born and she only got worse after! What more is there?”

Noelle trembled, not so much from Solid’s voice but his accusation. Even though Noelle knew the truth, faced the woman and devil behind Acier’s death, the blame was still on her within the walls of House Silva.

“There is much more to the story that you are unaware of, Solid,” Nozel coldly retorted, making Solid’s mouth immediately clamp shut. “If you’ll be quiet, I can explain.”

After Solid seemed to shrink back in his seat and Nozel took a deep breath to recompose himself, Nozel continued.

“To the rest of the world, Acier Silva died due to birth complications, contracting an unidentified illness when her body was in a weakened state after pregnancy and labor, thus the blame being put on Noelle.”

Something about hearing the false narrative, beyond simply “you are to blame” made Noelle’s stomach churn. So much so that she instinctively put a hand to her mouth.

“Now it’s true that our mother fell ill late into the pregnancy. It was the reason why she moved to the family’s estate near the border temporarily. Doctors believed a closer proximity to natural mana would strengthen her and a less stressful environment would be better for recuperation. I accompanied Mother on the trip out of concern for her and a yet unborn Noelle.”

Nozel paused and pursed his lips. His hands clenched and unclenched on his knees.

Noelle noticed and she wanted to reach over, to give him some kind of reassurance as he was delving into his memories, reliving the darkest time in his life. But she held back. She guessed that Nozel needed to say his piece, to bear the facts, before whatever pain was in his heart could be healed.

“Thankfully, that illness was merely an aggressive cold. Noelle was born without issue. And after that, Mother was able to recover in a few days, thanks to the environment and attentive care from healers. The servants were sent home early so that our mother, a newborn Noelle, and I would be granted privacy before our own return.”

“I remember that…” Nebra muttered with her eyes narrowed in annoyance. “The servants were back but you weren’t and I was so impatient.” She swallowed and her expression turned grim. “But if Mother had recovered after Noelle’s birth, then what…?”

“While the three of us were alone at the estate, that was when Mother’s true killer arrived. The devil Megicula and their human host.”

Choked gasps escaped Nebra and Solid’s throats at the words.

Nozel shuddered as he closed his eyes, the memories of that day clearly still haunting him.

With painful slowness, Nozel recounted that day.

How Acier had sensed a dangerous presence before Nozel had and instructed him to sneak off the premises while she went to fight the intruder. The way Acier stood before Vanica with resolute determination.

Nozel’s posture wilted as he recounted how he’d tried to watch the fight, as if he would’ve been able to do anything if he joined it. He explained that he had tripped and the jolt caused Noelle to wake and cry in fright. There was pure fear and horror in his eyes when he described how fast, how terrifyingly quickly, Vanica had moved to loom over him and Noelle.

He described Acier’s final attack and the noxious mana that enveloped her and Nozel when it happened. As he described the curse’s effects on himself, Nozel touched his exposed neck.

“With Acier returning to House Silva weakened after labor, it was all too easy for the blame to be put on Noelle. And because of the curse on me, I was unable to defend you, Noelle.” Nozel raised his head and looked at the youngest Silva. “For that, I’m eternally sorry.”

At that point, Noelle was in tears. Quiet but unrestrained tears.

She was not alone. Nebra and Solid were also crying as if their eyes were opened floodgates.

“It was a curse that killed her?” whispered Solid. His head was bowed and his whole body trembled. “And from a supreme devil? There’s no way…”

“But it’s the truth.”

“A curse that powerful should’ve given off some trace of magic,” Nebra retorted, trying to make sense of what she’d heard. “How did no one sense it? Especially if you were under the curse this whole time!”

Nozel closed his eyes and his shoulders appeared to slump further. “Megicula’s attribute was Curse-Warding. It’s a magic that makes curses harder, if not impossible, to break without killing the caster. It only makes sense that Megicula was able to leave a curse that was undetectable, even to the most trained magic users.”

“So for that whole year… Mother suffered more than we knew…” Nebra covered her mouth, trying to muffle her sobs.

“We were only kids at the time. It wasn’t our fault that we believed what we were told,” Solid muttered with his head turned away from Noelle.

The sorrow Noelle felt when Nozel recounted the past began to mix with a bubbling frustration inside from listening to her siblings. Her hands balled up on her knees.

“Is that really all you have to say?” The words left Noelle with little thought. “You’re really going to sit here feeling sorry for yourselves?” She rose from her seat. She glared at Solid and Nebra. “You’re just crying over being ignorant kids and not even apologizing for what you did in your ignorance! And you!” She turned to Nozel. “You say you’re sorry for not defending me but you didn’t even try!”

“Noelle, the conditions of the curse—”

“You could’ve easily worked around the curse!” Noelle snapped. “You never had to bring up Megicula. You just had to insist that I didn’t kill Mother! ‘Noelle isn’t to blame!’ ‘Don’t blame the baby!’ ‘It was something else!’” She threw her hands down at her sides. “You could’ve said any of those to defend me but you didn’t! You made zero effort in protecting me and didn’t try to reach out to me while I was made the black sheep of our family! Why didn’t you try?!”

With all her words having been let out, Noelle sighed and buried her face in her hands.

“Why…? Why didn’t…?” she whimpered between gasps. “Just why…”

Noelle cried.

And her siblings looked at her. For the first time, they saw Noelle as who she had been for years. A young girl, their little sister, lonely and sorrowful. As strong as she was, so strong as to be acknowledged by one of the Great Four Spirits and defeat a devil, she only became that way after living most of her life being shunned and left feeling weak.

Nozel stared intently at Noelle. At her wilting posture, the weight of her grief dragging her down. At her tears, which he didn’t know how to soothe. Acier would’ve known. So…

What would Mother have done? Nozel stood from his seat. I remember her… always holding me close. In the good and bad times. He stepped around the coffee table between them. Then, he put his arms around Noelle. It was not a hug, his hold on Noelle was too rigid and awkward for it to be called such.

“You’re right,” Nozel said with a fragile softness. “After Mother gave her life to protect us, I did nothing for you. You were Acier’s last gift to the world and I didn’t do everything in my power to protect you… I utterly failed you as a brother… For that, I’m truly sorry, Noelle. It doesn’t change anything but I hope that it… that you…”

Words left Nozel’s mind.

He didn’t know exactly what he hoped for. Was it his place to ask for Noelle’s forgiveness? Did he have the right to wish her a better life that he never provided her? He hoped for Noelle’s sake but he couldn’t name anything exact to wish for her. There was so much for her to have that he’d been too weak-willed to give in his own power.

It was his greatest shame.

Noelle leaned into Nozel and quietly cried into his shoulder. It was new but there was a comfort to this intimacy that they’d never shared before. It was the comfort of a dream coming true at long last.

“Acier’s last gift to the world.”

The words echoed in Solid and Nebra’s minds. And the visage of their mother, preserved in their memories and in the foyer of House Silva, could be seen in Noelle.

Nebra pursed her lips and a faint memory filled her mind.

“You promise that I’ll get a sister?” Nebra asked, years ago while pressing a hand to her mother’s belly. “It better be a sister or else— Um… or else…”

“Don’t worry, Nebra. I can feel that this baby will be a girl,” Acier answered with a smile and laugh. “And when she’s born, you’ll be a good big sister, right?”

“Yeah! I’ll help her be a strong princess like you and me and make sure she’s the cutest dressed baby ever!”

Had that really been Nebra? Had she really been so eager to meet Noelle and treat her kindly? Was she once the kind of person who smiled at the chance to take care of someone rather than smile at the suffering of others? What would Acier have said if she saw what became of Nebra after her passing?

All that love and gentleness that Nebra had known before was destroyed by the heartache of losing their mother. The suffering that sank into her bones… And her desire to see it inflicted on others…

Solid, too, became overwhelmed by a recollection of the past.

“Solid…” Acier whispered as she smoothed down her son’s hair. “You’re gonna be a big brother. You know Nozel is really cool, yeah?”

“The coolest and strongest big brother!” Solid exclaimed.

“Yes yes. Well, you need to become a cool, strong big brother too.” Acier hugged Soild to her chest with one hand while touching her stomach with her other. “Can you do that?”

Solid bit his lip. “I dunno…”

“I think you can.” Acier pressed a kiss to Solid’s crown. “Please try, okay?”

“…Okay…”

Solid grit his teeth, fighting back the urge to cry out loud. He was Solid Silva, son of Acier. He wasn’t some weakling who cried or regretted things. He was a Magic Knight, a Silver Eagle. Solid was strong, proud, independent…

And a pathetic man who knew pain but never sympathized with Noelle when she cried, just as he did for Acier, all because someone pointed at her and said “she is to blame.”

“N-Noelle…”

Noelle, stepping out of Nozel’s embrace, turned at the sound of Nebra saying, or rather sobbing, her name.

“Yes?”

Nebra wiped at her tears with the back of her hands and took deep, ragged breaths.

“Noelle, I’m sorry… For… everything… I didn’t know better but I still… Sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Me too… Sorry…” Solid muttered just loud enough to be heard. “I failed you as a brother too…”

Noelle’s eyes went wide.

Nebra, who ignored her at best or mocked her if they ever happened to cross paths…

Solid, who knocked her down both physically and emotionally throughout their childhoods…

Their apologies were pitiful but Noelle felt them in her heart.

“Nebra. Solid.” Noelle took a moment to look both siblings in the eyes.

Again, Noelle’s heart was warmed by the foreign affection that she and her siblings never had before. It wasn’t an “I love you” but the kindness in “sorry” was more than enough for her at that moment.

“Thank you…”

Her words seemed to break a dam in her older siblings.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” Nebra whimpered, lacking the pride and grace she usually carried.

“What kind of answer is that?” Solid managed to sound indignant and annoyed as he cried. “Shouldn’t you be mad or something?”

Noelle pressed her lips together.

Maybe she should’ve been mad, or at least bitter towards her siblings. After all they’d done to make her life miserable and then she experienced love with the Black Bulls, she could’ve easily resented them. But rather than hatred, what she felt for her siblings…

“I don’t know,” Noelle muttered. “I should be angry but I…” Her head shook ever so slightly. “I want to forgive you. I want to be a family with you guys but I’m not sure…”

“You don’t have to have an answer right away,” Nozel stated, drawing his younger siblings’ attention to him. “I don’t think any of us really know what to say.”

The Silvas looked between themselves. Nozel’s pale violet eyes. Nebra’s deep pink like gems. Solid’s clear blue. And Noelle’s blush pink.

The four of them. Together. Like they should’ve been from the moment Noelle had been born.

As their mother had wanted…

“There’s something I believe you all should see,” Nozel said to break the silence that settled over the siblings. “Follow me.”

With that, Nozel walked towards the doors of the lounge. Nebra, Solid, and Noelle passed confused looks before following their brother.

The walk was quiet. Hearing the full story of Acier’s death and the tears they’d all shed had thoroughly drained the siblings of energy.

Nozel led his family through the halls of House Silva to a back wing of the castle, to an area where the rooms only existed because the palace had been built so excessively large. He guided them to a room that had been left unoccupied for the last sixteen years. The door opened and the light flickered on with a bit of effort from underuse.

The room was empty. Save for one large cloth draped over something else which appeared to lean against the wall.

Nozel walked to the cloth covered object. Nebra, Solid, and Noelle followed him up to it. As they approached, different expressions crossed each of their faces. Noelle raised a brow in confusion. Solid’s gaze was a pensive one. And recognition flashed across Nebra’s face.

“Nebra, Solid, do you have an idea what this could be?” asked Nozel. His hand rested on the object, curling up in the cloth covering.

Solid narrowed his eyes on the obscured item. “No. Should I know what it is?”

Nozel pressed his lips into a line before shaking his head. “You were so young. It doesn’t surprise me that you don’t remember.” He then looked to Nebra. “Do you recall?”

“It’s still…” Nebra blinked rapidly and seemed to be straining to speak. “I thought that you… that you maybe destroyed…”

“No. It’s been here this whole time.” When Nozel said this, a pained smile came to his face. Years of suppressed grief and love made his heart ache. “Noelle, if you truly wish to mend the broken bonds of our family, then you should see this. We all should.”

Nozel pulled on the cloth.

Depicted in immaculate detail on canvas was a portrait of the four of them with their mother. Acier sat between Nozel on her right and Nebra on her left. Solid sat on Nebra’s other side. And Noelle was cradled in Acier’s loving arms.

Acier’s smile was absolutely radiant despite how much pain she must’ve been in from the curse. Nozel did his best to portray dignity but pain still showed on his face and he'd been unable to smile for the artist. Nebra and Solid’s composure in the portrait, too, seemed forced. The only person who beamed as brightly as Acier did in the portrait was Noelle. Her angelic smile was almost framed by the blanket and Acier’s arms holding her.

Noelle’s legs gave out from under her.

“Mother…”

Nozel knelt down beside Noelle and put an arm around her shoulders.

“She wanted to hold you for as long as possible,” he whispered. “She loved you with everything she had.”

“I don’t… even remember…”

In the corner of Noelle’s sight, she saw Nebra’s skirt pool on the floor as her sister sat down.

“It’s okay. Just let it out.” For the first time, Nebra sounded like a sister. And she felt like a sister as her hand gently rested over Noelle’s.

Noelle shook her head, fighting the tears that were already in her eyes. She’d cried enough already. She stilled when she felt a hand on her back. There were no words but the warmth of Solid’s hand lightly pressed against her back was enough reassurance.

Noelle let out a wail. Only after seventeen years was she mourning the loss of her mother.

After seventeen years, her siblings were finally there for her, comforting her amidst their own tears.

It was a long seventeen years. But they were finally over.

..........

Art by @/crazycookiemaniac.

[gothsuguru]

getting an iced pumpkin chai in the morning and then my personal goal is to spend the whole day writing and i hope i can come back to this post tomorrow and rb w how much progress i’ve made!!!

[eggplant-crusader]

I wrote a short fic imagining Ezra and Hera’s reunion after the Ahsoka finale.

[reima-awen]

“We have mammets in Eorzea,” she begins. “Clockwork automata that live and work alongside us. To those who are familiar with their construction, we know that at their core is something precious – what’s referred to as their heart. It is…the seat of their memories, their personalities, their…feelings – everything that makes them who they are.” Looking back to Arym, trying to find the pinpoint lights of his eyes, she presents the hypothetical. “Is that not rather like a soul?”

Not waiting for a reply, she goes on. “I have spent the better part of my life learning to listen to things that do not have words in the traditional sense. Trusting in things that cannot be seen with even the keenest of eyes. Believing. And across the years I have seen my share of horrors, the likes of which still keep me up some nights, but then there were miracles, too. So many wonderful, impossible things.”  “And maybe it is impossible for a machine to have a soul. Maybe I am…weak, or a fool who’s still living half in a fairy-tale the way people have told me I do before. But when I look at the Overseer I see someone who…who likes listening to…to something called rock, who told me that they won’t throw away a single gift or memento they’ve been given for as long as they live even if they think it’s clutter. Who loves, so deeply, in whatever way they know how, even if no one can see it. Even if they don’t see it themselves.” “I feel it every time I enter that room, Arym,” and her voice hitches on his name, emotions laid bare once again. “Like a heartbeat, all around us. A song that only a soul can sing.” She wrenches her watery gaze away, finding a rusted spot on the floor again as color floods her cheeks, swallowing thickly. “Maybe I am crazy,” she murmurs, her voice barely audible over the sound of the room’s mechanical noise. “But I want to believe in that. So when you ask me whether or not I considered the Overseer to be sentient? What can I say but ‘yes’?”

[mutxnts]

you ever just. get emotional over charley the houseplant