#i lumped the previous asks for this because i couldnt think of what else to write for it

[kaebedom-me]

Can we bring back the dad friends chaeya? What if the reader is like a jr in highschool and is in the apartment (not good home life tots not projecting)

OFC YOU CAN BRING BACK DAD FRIENDS CHAEYA I LOVE DAD FRIENDS CHAEYA AU

also, i have no idea what's a junior so im going to be vague

lmao i just know they will keep the hanky panky to a minimum while you're at home because they don't want to traumatise you

but also childe one day getting enough money to renovate the place? gets them sound proof walls so you don't have to be subjected to your kinda dads fucking

sorry i had to get that out of my system

they're!! so happy to help you, and they're so glad you trust them enough to want to stay with them

they'd do anything to help you, give you a place to stay til you're ready to stand on your own and stuff

really patient would never ever rush you to leave

if they have connections with people that are in something you'd like to do (like, fashion or writing, whatever), you bet they'll pull some strings so you can meet with the right people

kaeya sometimes wakes you up in the morning while childe makes breakfast for everyone

can and will be a little shit about waking you up because he's just an asshole like that sometimes

drops you off at school!!! and picks you up!!! so sweet!!

until they embarrass you because they're the worst

if you're ever made fun of while they're picking you up/ dropping you off they will 100% fight someone your age, they have no shame

especially childe

but kaeya the man of reason sometimes stops him and just harass the people harassing you with words

movie nights with them! grocery shopping trips!!

they don't mind if you invite a few friends over but i think they wouldn't be really happy if you threw a party

them waiting for you if you're out late, so if you need to be picked up they'd come get you [bottom emoji]

they will take very good care of you! if you're sick or feeling down, you can count on them for being there for you

childe makes the nicest comfort food and they're such good listeners

they give really good advice too

if you need physical affection they'd love to give you hugs and maybe a few kisses if you're comfy!

they want you to know you're loved and that they'll always have your back

since they're older, they can help you with your work too! well kaeya mostly lmao childe is just there to cheer you on and bring you snacks

they do make you do some chores though, it's for your own good

they might be your friends that took you in but they will be a bit parental about certain things especially since you're still young and have to learn

also you're staying with them rent free, are you really going to be a freeloader,,,

but it's always generally a great time living with them

they're essentially your nice roommates that care for you a lot uwu

[ikonprobably]

Take Care of My Girlfriend

Band Member: Kim Hanbin, Kim Jiwon ft. the rest of iKon

Genre: Angst

Summary:  After dating for a couple of years and having found both of you and Jiwon both unhappy you both decided to end the relationship.

Word Count: 1636

A/N: Hello everyone! This is a 3 part story, I am going to post the 2nd part of the story in 24 hours, and the 3rd part in 48 hours anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Pt 2 | Pt 3

-

It was tiring in a sense, trying to pretend everything is okay with your current boyfriend, Kim Jiwon. You two had been dating for almost 2 years, and Jiwon had feelings for you for quite some time, but you seemed oblivious to recognize his feelings the year before, until you found him in the light of the darkness that you were stuck in after failing out of college, and a recent break up from your previous boyfriend. At first you thought that Jiwon was just a rebound but after you two had been dating for more than a year, you knew that those accusations of yourself had to be false.

You had stepped into the dorm of the boys, looking at them all with a small smile before trying to ignore the fact that you and Jiwon had just been into a fight. You kept a small smile on your face. “Hey guys.” You waived before looking down on the ground. “I just came to get my stuff that I left here last night.” You informed them before walking back to Jiwon’s room. You had planned on staying the night, but you ended up leaving in the middle of the night because one of your friends got drunk and needed a ride home, so you had to leave in a hurry before they decided to try anything stupid. You knew as soon as you left the dorm that the moment you got into contact with your boyfriend again there would be issues, it wasn’t that he didn’t trust you, he just knew that your feelings had been fading, and you stopped talking to him about everything as you used to do.

You hated to admit it, you loved him, but you just weren’t sure if you could be in a relationship with him, no matter what you did it caused a fight. Everything he did also seemed to piss you off and you couldn’t help it but you also initiated a lot of the fights. It wasn’t all just one sided, you were considering talking to him about the future of your relationship but the thought of it brought a lump in your throat and tears to your eyes. You couldn’t bear the thought of Jiwon finding someone else, but you knew that he deserved better than what you two had.

Stepping into the room, you found it to be cleaner than what it was last night, and a bouquet of roses on the bed with a card laying next to it. You hesitated before stepping toward the card curious as to who could be leaving him flowers, especially in this manner, you couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. Of course, that was before you seen who the card was addressed to. It seemed that he had knew you were coming over that day despite being out of the dormitory with schedules all day. Opening the card you read the contents inside.

“Hey Babe…

Y/N.

I love you, and I’m sorry for everything, everything that has been going on between us has

been a mess, and I just want to make it better for the both of us. Please meet me at our

coffee shop. I have something I want to tell you there.”

A smile grew on your face, you thought that maybe if he was willing to talk to you that you both could start of on a new foot. Things would hopefully be better.

“I feel like I should warn you.” A voice had interrupted your thoughts, and you quickly turned around to see the leader of iKon standing there. “Bobby, talked to me last night after you two got into a fight.” He continued not waiting for an answer from you.

“Wait- Hanbin.” You said quickly before he could say anything else. You were afraid of what he had to say, you were afraid that maybe if you would listen to him you would hear that Jiwon didn’t want to continue the relationship with you. Which of course you knew would be for the better, you couldn’t continue the relationship that wasn’t making him happy.

“Y/N…” His voice began trailing off, and with that you knew that it was even difficult for him to admit, you and Bobby had both been his friend for a long time, obviously Bobby was his friend first but that didn’t mean he didn’t care about you any less. “I know that you two have been fighting for a while.” He said walking towards you, sitting down on the bed, asking for you to follow suit and gave a soft smile when you did.

“We are fine, Hanbin.” You mumbled not wanting to talk too much about the situation you two had been in, but you know that Bobby had already mentioned it to Hanbin many times with how close the two were.

“Why do you continue to lie, even the others noticed that you were upset when you walked in. You can’t keep continuing like this. You deserve to be happy. Bobby deserves to be happy. Please you both need to stop doing this to each other, and I know that you know that yourself.”

He had a point you couldn’t continue to hide it anymore than you already had, it was hard to even smile at the other members, and you could tell that sometimes they felt the tension between you and Jiwon. You let out a soft sigh before standing up. “Well, I’m going to meet him…” You hesitated to move for a second, trying to build up the courage. “I guess this is goodbye to you as well.” You said before walking out of the room, and out the dorm for what seemed to be the last time, you knew that you had to end it with Jiwon, you couldn’t pretend that things could be better between the two of you, and even if you were to try and make things better it would be like the attempts before, and you would end up back in the same situation.

Arriving at the coffee shop you seen Jiwon’s face, his expression seemed blank and you couldn’t help but feel the lump in your throat. Stepping towards the male you looked around the coffee shop, feeling like everyone inside was staring knowing that something was about to happen, but you knew in the back of your mind that they could care less.

“Y/N.” Jiwon finally said a small smile on his face, and you sat down in the chair across from him.

“Jiwon, I-”

“I know.” Jiwon cut you off before you could even say anything. You looked up, your hands beginning to fiddle with each other out of nervousness.

“Is it worth it?” You asked keeping your voice soft, and trying to save the tears for when you went home that night.

“Is what worth it? Our happiness?” Jiwon asked not really sure what you were asking about. “Look, Y/N. I love you, I have loved you for a long time and I don’t think that I will ever stop loving you. Maybe at another time we will be a better match for each other whether it is in another life or in the future but I don’t think we can continue on the way we are going.” He said looking at you in the eyes, knowing that this was difficult for the both of you. “Y/N, I’m sorry. I know this is something we both thought about for a while and we have been avoiding it for as long as we could, but now is the time to address it.” He continued and you nodded your head.

You always imagined this scenario in your head, and you had more to say, but finding yourself in the actual situation it was a lot harder to find something to say. “I know, and I’m sorry.” You finally found the courage to say something.

“Why are you sorry? We both are guilty of the crime. But I think this should be good bye for the both of us.” He said standing up from the table, leaning over to kiss your forehead before leaving the coffee shop without another word said.

-

It had been a couple of weeks since the break up between you and Jiwon, and you found yourself at a club by yourself. You couldn’t be sure on how many drinks you had, but you knew that if you stayed there any longer you would probably find yourself going home with a stranger, and even when you were drunk out of your mind you knew that wasn’t something sober you would appreciate much.

You picked up your phone dialing the first number  that popped in your head, it was a friend of yours, one that has been checking up on you once in a while to see if you had been doing well after the break up. Waiting for the other to answer the phone you shook your leg nervously.

“Hello?” You heard a horse, sleepy voice on the other side of the phone.

“Uhm, can you come get me, I’m at the club and I need a ride home.” You asked the person, you figured you would save the apology for when they came to pick you up.

“Yeah, I’ll be there in 10 minutes.” You heard the other person let out a sigh and hang up the phone.

You pulled the phone away from your ear looking at it for a moment, before shoving it back in your purse and stumbling outside to feel the cool night air on your skin. By the time you stepped outside it wasn’t long before you seen a car pulling up, and the one you called getting out of the car.

[arplis]

Arplis - News: Why Insecure People Struggle with Vulnerability

As weve seen on this site, vulnerable communication is the solution for finding a healthy relationship and happy life. At a glance, most treat vulnerability as if it is something every person can do. Many believe that if the person sets their mind to it, they can get their needs met in a healthy manner. Unfortunately, this is only the case for secure individuals.

Secure individuals are capable of expressing themselves and regulating their emotions because they believe they are worthy of love and affection. They expect their partners to be responsive and caring. Its easy to see that having such beliefs can lead on to not become overwhelmed as easily. Secure individuals have no issue communicating their needs to their significant other.

The problem is that insecure people -my previous self included- struggle to get in touch with what is really bothering them. Once the emotional floodgates open, its easy to become overwhelmed. These can create irrational thoughts, which can end in a person lashing out.

Meet Tyler. Tyler works at an aerospace company and is currently dating Terra. Like any other average anxious attachment type, Tyler is madly in love with Terra. Terra, who is an avoidant loves Tyler as well -but she calls him crazy for his weird behavior. Sometimes when Tyler gets off work he shows up at Terras apartment not to surprise her, but to check on her. To make sure she isnt cheating. Like most anxious people, Tyler perceives his relationship with Terra as fragile. Hes obsessed with making sure it works.

Moments later he asks his boss if he can leave. He tells his boss his girlfriend is sick, and needed to go to the hospital.

These thoughts are just illusions, but the more he thinks about them, the more anxiety builds up. The more real they feel. The thoughts of what she might be doing is like being punched in the face over and over. Shes cheating. Uppercut. Maybe shes telling someone else she loves him. Left hook. Shes probably laughing at how stupid he is while shes been sleeping behind his back all this time. One-two combo.

This fear and anxiety is a product of his childhood relationship with his mother. Flash back to fifteen years ago. Tylers mom, Susan, was inconsistently responsive to Tyler. Sometimes when he cried and needed attention his mother was there. Other times, she would just ignore him because she had her own agenda that she needed to tend to.

As a result, this formed Tylers emotional blueprint of how relationships are supposed to be. This blueprint guides behavior and suggests what and how things should be done. When Tyler didnt get his needs met through asking in a healthy way, he started to feel emotionally neglected. He felt a low sense of control over the love and affection he wanted to receive.

As these feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty were building up immense emotional pressure, the anxiety swirled throughout his little body. It was so overwhelming that Tyler had to do something. So he packed up his kindergarten backpack with his favorite Batman underwear, a pair of Nike socks and his GI Joe Commander Duke. He walked into his moms room with tears streaming down his face and told her he was running away.

Okay, she said. Have fun living on your own.

Tyler couldnt believe it. His mother didnt give two shits about him. He was worth nothing to her.

He felt sick. Alone. The world was heartless. His solo life began when he walked out of the front door. The pressure to fend for himself crushed him. He walked three blocks and then climbed up his favorite tree to cry his heart out.

Its easy to tell from this life experience why Tyler became anxious and fearful about finding security. This experience hardened the belief that his relationships were fragile, and that any normal level of communication was not enough to gain the reassurance of love Tyler needed.

Experiences like these lead an individual to perceiving themselves as having low-worth. As a result they have low social self-confidence, they lack assertiveness, and they believe they have little control over their life.

When emotions are tense, intellect becomes nonsense.

Flash back to today. Tyler shows up at Terras apartment. He is screaming at her to come out. He is calling her names, and the neighbors are beginning to notice.

Terra comes outside and tells him to leave. He threatens to leave her in response, even though hes only saying it in a desperate hope of gaining reassurance from her.

Tyler has entered into a Vicious Anxious cycle.

Unfortunately Tylers way of expressing his needs by threatening to leave has pushed his partner away. Understandably, his crazy behavior causes Terra to withdraw.

LEAVE, TYLER!

As a result, Tylers emotions build up even more. Just like they did with his mother in kindergarten.

Such behavior doesnt always end in a breakup. This batshit crazy behavior may cause two reactions out of Terra. She may call it off with Tyler. Shes had enough of his shit.

If she does end the relationship, Tyler is left wondering if she was cheating, or if she left him for being too clingy, or if she felt they just werent right for each other.

If Terra does respond or give in to reassuring him, Tyler will never know if she is just responding to the batshit crazy behavior, or if she actually loves him. This makes it even harder and more confusing for Tyler.

Any anxious person talking this path will never figure out if their significant other is answering their real concern whether s/he cares enough to listen to your worries, reassure you, and make you feel safe and loved.

If youre an anxious person, you probably crave a way to get out of feeling all of this inadequacy, shame and anxiety. I know I did.

The way to get out of this toxic relationship is to use vulnerable communication.

Lets change the introduction to the story. Lets Imagine that Tyler texts Terra and speaks honestly about his feelings. Hey. I feel insecure and unloved, and I could really use some reassurance. Tyler reassures her that this feeling has nothing to do with her, but rather how he has been conditioned to perceive relationships. How do you think Terra would respond in this case?

Most likely, Tylers vulnerable communication would encourage Terra to help meet his needs. He isnt attacking her. He isnt threatening her. He is just telling her how he feels, and asking for reassurance. Despite most people finding this a needy characteristic, such emotional mastery is actually a massive turn-on. It shows maturity and courage. Terra will most likely respond kindly and give Tyler the reassurance he needs. It may not be right away since its through texting, but once she does respond she will comfort him and be there. Thats all Tyler needed.

Action Steps:

Despite the biological fear of getting hurt, take a leap of faith when your emotions build up. Avoid using batshit crazy behavior. Instead, use vulnerable communication.

Step 1: Before you act, ask yourself this question: Would Kyle Benson tell you its bashit crazy behavior? texting excessively, threatening or trying to make your partner jealous all count.

Step 2: Communicate your anxious feelings to your partner in a non-accusatory, vulnerable way.

Avoidants

I wouldnt want to avoid the avoidants, now would I? Avoidant attachment-style individuals tend to be unaware of their need for distance and space. As an avoidant, you crave a need for space, a need to run away, yet you dont understand why.

Terra, who is still dating Tyler, just got fired from her job. Tyler, who is an anxious attachment person, immediately overwhelmed her with new job opportunities and connections. Despite knowing that Tyler is doing this out of love, she feels a need to escape, a need to breathe. Shes actually associating this craving for space as a signal that she just isnt that attracted to Tyler.

Theres no point in talking about this to Tyler, because it feels so obvious that he is not The One. So Terra ends it.

This is her 9th failed relationship.

Most avoidants that have attachment issues with intimacy actually lump them in a toxic cycle of failed relationships.

The way to get out of this toxic, fulfilling cycle is to use vulnerable communication.

Step 1: Recognize the need for physical or emotional space.

Step 2: Communicate that need to your partner. If you can, do so early in the relationship before the feeling happens. Doing so not only sets healthy expectations and respects each others needs and boundaries but also lets your partner know that your need for space has nothing to do with them. In turn, this will also calm their attachment style.

If your partner is not responsive within a reasonable time, dump them and go find someone who will. You deserve to be loved and have a healthy relationship where you get your needs met. Not to mention asserting yourself vulnerably actually builds self-esteem and self-confidence, and provides one a greater sense of control.

Isnt that how you want to feel about yourself and your relationships?

A version of this post was previously published on KyleBenson and is republished here with permission from the author.

Talk to you soon.

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The post Why Insecure People Struggle with Vulnerability appeared first on The Good Men Project.

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/why-insecure-people-struggle-with-vulnerability