#i love you more than you will ever know
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greeneyezblackheart Ā· 9 months ago
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Song Of The Day
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inkskinned Ā· 1 year ago
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
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malinaa Ā· 1 year ago
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if i think about the hunger games in peeta's perspective i WILL start sobbing
#imagine you're a boy who's going to die. you're in love with the girl you've been watching from afar. you know your fate.#you just want to help herā€š but then there's the announcement and she's here in front of youā€š kissing youā€š risking her life for you and you#thinkā€š i could live and i could love. you think she loves you when she hands you the berriesā€š when she puts them in her mouth.#then you both survive and you go back home and nothing is real anymore. you have nothing. no family. no friends. no love. just an empty#house. a drunk for a neighbor. the love of your life walking into somebody else's arms. you thinkā€š i survived the games. i could survive#this. and you also thinkā€š i should've bit down on those berriesā€š should've felt the juice burst before i died.#and then the third quarter quell announcement rings in your ears and you thinkā€š she will live and i will die as i should have in the first#place. the girl you love kisses you on the beach and somewhere you heart stirs and your mind revolts and you savor every touch she has ever#given to youā€š in front of the cameras and off. because you are a tribute and you are always being watched and snow's presence looms and#you thinkā€š i know she cares. but you get taken. you get drugged. you get torturedā€š your mind altered. the girl is a muttā€š a murderer. she's#everything you despiseā€š your mind stirs. your heart revolts. you gain more awareness but cannot distinguish reality from fiction and you#have never known katniss' love. the war ends. you heal. you come home. you plant primrose for her. years down the lineā€š you grow in love#more than you thought possible. but some daysā€š you cannot tell fiction from reality so you ask the love of your lifeā€š you love me.#real or not real? and she saysā€š realā€š and kisses you.#and you sigh and kiss her back and revel in this. a home. a life. a love.#lit#the hunger games#everlark#otp: real or not real?#katniss everdeen#peeta mellark#text#tais toi lys#thgpost
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magnusbae Ā· 1 year ago
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To illustrate this post by @mayahawkse I would like to visualize to you the difference:
A post in 2023:
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A post in 2014:
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A zoom out of the same post:
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This is what a community looks like.
See how in 2023 almost all of the reblogs come from the OP, from their few hours/days in the tag search. Meanwhile in 2014 the % of reblogs from OP is insignificant, because most of the reblogs come from the reblogs within the fandom, within the micro-communities formed there. You didn't need to rely on tags, or search, or being featured. Because the community took care of you, made sure to pass the work between themselves and onto their blog and exposed their followers to it. It kept works alive for years.
It's not JUST the reblog/like ratio that causing this issue, it's the type of interaction people have. They're content with scrolling and liking the search engine, instead of actually having a reblogging relationship with other blogs in their community.
Anyways, if you want to see more content you like, the only true way to make it happen is to reblog it. Likes do not forward content in no way but making OP feel nice. Reblogs on the other hand make content eternal. They make it relevant, they make it exist outside of a fickle tumblr search that hardly works on the best of days.
If you want more of something, reblog it.
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ruporas Ā· 5 months ago
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need to exist in your warmth (id in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#blood tw#ruporas art#love u when i get to cuddle u and love u when i get to feel ur blood soak into my hands#being this close to one another means the eternal suffering of trying to separate love and mission. love for one and love for humanity#i like to think of pre-vol8 vash as someone who struggles with his feelings for ww bc as equal and as trusted he is -#vash knows his responsibilities and he knows/expects ww wouldn't let him stray from it either. for that he can't take to any romantic incli#and i think itd make him view ww in a stricter non-personal way... If that makes ANY sense.#for ww - take someone who youv gotten close to and ended up liking more than you expected#someone who has a belief and follows it stubbornly - someone who'll get into more fights and trouble more than youv had your entire life#ww thinks of him as a monster but he knows theres a limit he himself can take - i feel like hes considered what might be the limit for vash#for Safety measures. just in case. yknow. whenever he himself might have to load the bullet < him hyping himself up as if he could do it#my point being that the thought of vash being dead crosses his mind more than he'd like. i think its a simultaneous dread drop in his stoma#for failure of the mission - but also an Ok? They can be killed? and also a disastrous gunning of his own heart. considering how much they#both live in their own heads some days are Just the worst ever for them in each others company. but also they lov each other :[ sooo much
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afterthelambs Ā· 4 months ago
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In another (happier) world, I think Muhen would've been Akechi's Sojiro. Akechi would've lived above Jazz Jin just like how Joker lived above Leblanc. Muhen would've taught him how to make the drinks and close up at night. They would've bonded over music. And Akechi would finally have an adult looking after him. Because Muhen does care about him in-canon. He's the only character in the epilogue that mentions Akechi, he notices who Akechi spends time with, and he wishes to see him again.
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It's so sad that Akechi assumes nobody cares about him or wants him around and yet this random jazz club owner does. Do you ever think about Muhen seeing Akechi at the Jazz Jin sometime in December, not knowing it would be the last time he ever would
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bunnieswithknives Ā· 4 months ago
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AU based off Nature except I kept thinking about it too hard. Dales not a good dad, but its such an easy problem for him to throw money at, and what do you do when a part is damaged? Well, you replace it.
Basically an AU where Dev gets to experience medical trauma and realizes much sooner how much his dad doesn't love him
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poorly-drawn-mdzs Ā· 6 months ago
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Normal Friend Behaviour.
[First]Ā PrevĀ <ā€“-> Next
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medusaesque Ā· 4 months ago
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enough about 'he'll keep calling you officer when he's angry and detective when he isn't'. Kim calls you lieutenant-yefreitor when he wants to say I love you
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moghedien Ā· 2 months ago
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Minthara says ā€œin Her nameā€ when you first meet her and sheā€™s following the Absolute but when you recruit her and she expresses that she no longer follows any god, but she still has an intact paladin oath, and she says ā€œin your nameā€ occasionally because sheā€™s no longer Lolthā€™s paladin or the Absoluteā€™s paladin, sheā€™s your paladin
#šŸ˜­#she might not think youā€™re a god or whatever but youā€™re the only one that ever came to save her#and if you let her read your mind youā€™re the only one she knows has no intention to hurt or use her#like I feel like what Minthara wants most of all is to not have to look over her shoulder or wait for the shoe to drop#like every relationship sheā€™s had as a lolthsworn drow has come with the caveat that everyone will take her out if they have the chance#and if it benefits them even a little#lolth literally encourages this so long as you arenā€™t obvious about it#and lolth will 100% punish you the second she has an excuse to#and then the absolute like while she was being controlled probably felt more like genuine love than Minthara ever experienced#but it came with Orin and punishments for failing#and her being literallly mind controlled into her#so itā€™s still violent and threatening even if the extent of that is only realized after sheā€™s pulled out of it#but then thereā€™s you who pulled her out of that#who can clearly and plainly show her that you have no intention of hurting her even if it benefits you#and who went out of your way to rescue her when no one else she was devoted to ever would#and you offered her the means to not only stay safe from the absolute but to get revenge on it#of course itā€™s ā€˜in your nameā€™ now youā€™re the only person that gave Minthara a reason for her to follow you#that wasnā€™t threats of violence and suffering#you literally gave her the opposite#sheā€™s YOUR paladin it doesnā€™t matter if arenā€™t a god#you could be tho#Minthara#minthara baenre#bg3#baldur's gate 3
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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat Ā· 5 months ago
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one morning you cling to satoruā€™s back and sleepily plead for him not to leave for work and he feels closer to killing the higher ups than ever before
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justaz Ā· 6 months ago
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merlin (immortal) giving arthur (pendragon) the only blade that could kill him
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hailsatanacab Ā· 11 days ago
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ā€œTo whom,ā€ Alfred rasps, pausing to clear his throat and establish his sense of decorum, ā€œMay I ask, to whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?ā€
The creature stops, blinks its owlish eyes at him, and lets out a bark of laughter.
ā€œForgive me,ā€ it says, still chuckling lightly, raising a hand to rub at the back of his neck. Alfred is suddenly struck by the feeling that this creature is not as timeless, nor as old or as wizened, as it wished to present itself. ā€œI am making a terrible first impression. My name is Phantom, current High King of the Infinite Realms.ā€
Contractual Obligations by me!!!
I couldn't get the image of Ghost King Danny out of my head, so here he is!! Acrylic on canvas, and I'm so happy with it - he came out a lot better than I thought he would šŸ˜…
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s0fter-sin Ā· 6 months ago
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codtwt is going off on brainwashed!soap bc of his new warzone skin and itā€™s making me think of ghost deliberately getting himself captured by makarov bc he knows heā€™ll be given to his dog to try and break him; knows he wonā€™t be able to resist the irony, the cruelty of being tortured by the teammate he lost
he doesnā€™t fight; welcomes the chains around his wrists and ankles, welcomes the hands stripping him of his weapons and gear until he's defenceless
he wouldn't use them anyway
when he stalks into the room, the muzzle, the scars, not even the blank hatred or lack of recognition could make him mistake his eyes
that's his johnny
he doesn't flinch as he digs knives into his skin; would never shy away from his kiss even if it's tinged with rusted steel. doesn't swallow his screams; not when he always loved hearing him, when he spent so long coaxing his voice from the grave
frustration joins the anger in johnny's eyes the longer he goes without giving up information
just jokes; dark and puns alike
just advice when he can't get the jumper cables to spark right
ghost's not trying to escape; not trying to barter his return to the 141
he's right where he wants to be
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fiona-fififi Ā· 27 days ago
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Call me homophobic, but I don't actually think it's great representation to stick a complex, dynamic, newly-realized bisexual character permanently with a flat, boring, underdeveloped love interest just because that was the first guy who showed interest.
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vaguely-concerned Ā· 3 days ago
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on the one hand I think inner demons could stand to have a bit more romanced rook specific content, but on the other hand the underlying in-built implication that 'yours is the one true voice of comfort and safety in my inner world' is a sentiment and intimacy so way beyond the romantic or the platonic or any secret third thing you could care to name that it makes me lose my entire poor little mind a bit. it's so big and fundamental ā€” near-existential ā€” that in that exact moment at least the distinctions kind of seem irrelevant.
all the people lucanis' mind conjures up along the way are relationships he has that are unavoidably mixed and fraught in some ways even when they're also full of love (they are fraught BECAUSE they're full of love) ā€” the good in them inseparable from things that hurt him at the same time. (it's about: the basic disorganized attachment patterns this poor guy is dragging around with him. careful with those, they're dellamorte heirlooms. what you love also inevitably hurts you and you won't be allowed to have one without the other, you have to surrender parts of your soul to hold on to what little you have left: this is the story up until now.) and the idea that rook isn't that to him ā€” that beneath the fear of wanting them when romanced (which is more its own separate thing because within this psychology, actively wanting something and not just clinging on for dear life to even a meager status quo lest you lose it is in itself dangerous bordering on catastrophic), this is a relationship where there isn't resentment, or guilt, or shame, or dread, or rage, or self-hate, or any of the other emotions that keep him paralyzed, unable to move this way or that. no debts, nothing owed of yourself and your soul's substance except what you can freely and safely and happily give. love and freedom don't coexist ā€” but, I mean, you're almost starting to make me think........... unless...šŸ‘€šŸ‘€šŸ‘€. the unconditional and undramatic 'you are here and I am here with you, you can be exactly how you are right now with me and it's safe for us both even though you're afraid it won't be, I'm not going anywhere' acceptance rook shows him here that he returns to them in the big romance scene, when it's rook who needs it. the way he's just. standing there in the center of it all, like a child desperately helplessly waiting to be found, hiding in the place he hopes you'll know to look first. (rook does know. it's one of the first things they say in there.)
in short the most important room in his little mind palace for the romance is the very first room ā€” the one where rook isn't. where, in fact, rook cannot be, because they disprove the entire structure of the place with their existence and presence in his life. with everyone else he's putting words in their mouths about what they think of him, and rook is the one who actually gets to come in to speak their own words to him ā€” and have him listen. ('he'll listen to you, he always listens to you', 'your voice is a comfort'.) of course rook isn't present anywhere else in there ā€” at the risk of stating the obvious to a tedious degree, they aren't one of the locks, they're bringing the key. in the very finest 'the messenger and the message' sort of way.
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#dragon age meta#rook is his first brush with actual safe attachment. and to me and because of who I am as a person#nothing could be more romantically devastating or impactful fhdsjkfhs that's literally the unreachable wistful dream the pie in the sky#the garrus romance echoes too. some of the same stuff going on under the hood here#you know who else he's sneakily like too actually? iron bull. the 'no matter where I turn I'll hurt someone I love' and dissociation stuff#there's that whole line about 'walking close to the edge or whatever'#which is masterful as a diversion b/c what this romance is really about is feeling truly safe with someone#in a sort of weirdly realistic way that makes it struggle with the conventions of video game romance but sure is Doing something!#and I unwittingly made a rook who also is on that specific arc so it's working out just devastating for me thanks for asking#the part in andrea gibson's 'prism' that's like. there is no shelter in the womb it's where you learn the cord that feeds you#could at any moment wrap around your neck. I think that's the initial understanding of love here. which is not good. if you think about it.#I don't think I really write these kinds of posts btw I just black out for a while and when I wake up from the trance I too#get to read what the fuck I've been thinking about finally. corralling that raging electric storm#that keeps overtaking my neurons at regular intervals and translating it into if not sense then certainly words. lots of words#no one is ever more surprised than me to find out what i'm thinking and feeling
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