#i love writing. i wrote some rly rly good shit yesterday and it’s making me go CRAZY

[stardial]

good morning everyone….. ^_^

[leoolol2]

29/09/2024

I wasn't expecting something this big, but here is my second day of writing.

anotação pro meu psicólogo: o senhor pode me fazer um relatório pra eu ir pro psicólogo da minha mãe, por favor? ela queria que eu fosse porque eu realmente tô com dificuldade de estudar mesmo estudando fora do meu quarto, e ela achava que o meu quarto era o problema. :) obrigado.

Well, I can't sleep. Like, at all. So here I am, already writing this in 2:30 AM! I probably will have an all-nighter and wtv, I should be productive tonight.

I was a bit productive, doing some of my math homework and watching some mvs from my fav bands until 4 am and then just passing out. I then woke up at 9, and my mom wrote some of my fav bands on my nails! i forgot to mention yesterday that i painted my own nails at night. (mcr and p!atd). i also took a bath in the morning and washed my hair; something i think i havent done for about 1 or 2 weeks? i think im getting worse, mental health wise, but i dont know. i'll update this once the afternoon ends. I also ranted a bunch about mcr and fob to my mom, and she complained about linkin park to me. i love my mom and having similar interests with her! My brother came to visit us today! :)

I ate some actual meal today: broccoli, rice, just a bit grinded meat, sweet potato, and normal potato. The broccoli tasted like shit. I also drank peach tea. After lunch, we went back home and got my Nina the Killer cosplay jacket to a dressmaker so that she could put a zipper on it. We then went to get some icecream at McDonald's! I ranted a bunch about MCR again but this time to my brother. :)

After that we went back home and my family decided to put up the shelf I had on my floor for the longest time. It's a bit crooked, but I don't mind, honestly. I now have a bunch of shit I need to put up on the shelf once more, though. It's all on my bed, making me barely able to sit here and write this on my PC. Well, I should put up my stuff on my "new" shelf.

after scrolling through tumblr a bunch my mom did my nails for me. it was fun. i only got a top coat added because my black nail polish is on the verge of dying but its fine! i'll buy some later. my nails are not shiny, though.

i did some of my hw, and also got my piano out of under my bed! my friend also got me in contact w this russian boy, i think hes cute. hes in brazil too, so i rly hope he replies to my dm on insta.

im so so soo sleepy, so im gonna go sleep after i finish at least this teacher's hw. its 21:47, for the record. i didn't stay up that late today. still, im gonna post this. i hope whoever reads this has a good day!

꒰꒰・┄┄┄┄・rants section・┄┄┄┄・꒱꒱

this is a section i made up to see if any time i have any rants, i come here!

so it will be more in depth than the actual casual diary. (i also will mention when exactly i wrote it!)

12:52. thinking about how my therapist tells me to act as my own best friend. i dont know how, genuinely. i cannot. maybe i can suck my own dick sometimes and tell myself im so hot and the best person in the world, but thats obviously not true. its not like i feel like that all the time, either. from a day to another i suddenly feel like the worst person alive. its not as if someone tells me that i am, or something triggers me. i just feel that out of no where. but whatever.

16:22. My dad doesn't understand that yelling at my dog doesn't do anything. It just makes her madder and more pissed off at the world and makes me actually feel sick and about to cry. I want to protect her from everything. I don't want to be here, I want to go away with her and fuck everything else. I won't be missed probably anyway. The only people that would miss me is my online friends, who doesn't really know me in real life. Well, I guess some that have this blog can now know more about me. :)

16:26. Thinking about the ripped up letter. I wasted 2 hours of my night writing that for a girl who didn't even want me romantically. She just wanted to have fun, someone to kiss with no feelings truly attached. I guess that would be fun if my feelings didn't feel so extreme. Someone I love can become someone I despise just because of a small mistake they didn't really mean to do. Well, I try not to be too mad at them for that, but this isn't the case of that anyway. I wanted her to be my girlfriend but she didn't want to have anything romantic. She practically cut ties and said that she had shit for yesterday when she used to be so excited to see me some time ago. Maybe it was an excuse that she made. Either way, we're not talking. I don't really care about her. I care about the time and words of mine that she wasted.

17:46. i was listening to music and back to the old house reminds me of them so much. fuck. i miss frank.

17:59. i feel too feminine, doing my nails and liking girly things. my face is too feminine, my voice is too feminine. everything about me, the way i walk, talk, read out loud, interact with my friends. absolutely everything. i want to cry thinking about it because i dont want to. maybe this is an internalized issue of some sort. i really need to address this in therapy, probably.

18:17. I just noticed im going back to my "scenecore"/crunkcore phase. fuck. one of my worst, honestly.

18:30. just wanna mention how amazing i feel rn:3 feeling on top of the world is so good !!

18:58. winderson is making me rage. makes me want to punch him or throw it somewhere. but he's my baby, i cant do that.

[ectolemonades]

Fic Writer Review

@floralflowerpower tagged me!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Four!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

6,091

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Only Danny Phantom on ao3 at least, I will not reveal what past fandoms I have written fic for back in my deviantart days

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Okay considering I only have four fics I'm just gonna put them in order of kudos jwndflke

Local Barista Danny Fenton

Let's Make a Deal

What A Stupid Child

The singular prompt I managed to do for Going Angst Week

5. Which of your fic do you want more attention for?

Uhh tbh maybe Let's Make a Deal or the Going Angst Week prompt I did? LMaD was the first phic I ever wrote based on louroalka's demon au and honestly only want it to get more attention because that au is INCREDIBLE, the Going Angst Week one I'm just proud of how I wrote it even though it's really short haha

I'm really grateful for any attention my fics get tho! I know none of my fics are huge deals or anything, but I can't put into words how happy it makes me that so many people enjoyed my fic based on my Barista Danny AU!

6. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I always try to! I have a couple sitting in my inbox rn just because I'm super forgetful, but I want people to know that I'm acknowledging them and the fact that they decided to read/interact w my work means a lot to me

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Local Barista Danny Fenton because they were out of oat milk 😔✊🏼

8. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you’ve written?

I do! Back in the day The Bestie tumblr user Kateh @kirinda-ondo and I wrote some BONKERS and absolutely hilarious crossovers of stuff we were into, and we haven't really written anything lately (we kinda started plotting a rly interesting crossover tho) we have v silly conversations and crossover our favs

Not a fic tho but I did cross He-Man and DP in a doodle for Kateh's birthday yesterday because Orko and Danny would absolutely be besties and u can't change my mind

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not yet and pls be nice to me I am sensitive

10. Do you write smut? if so what kind?

I don't

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I haven't but anyone is more than welcome to!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Definitely back in the day w Kateh

13. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Me x Actually Allowing People To Read My Writing

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I started writing a lightly angsty ghost hunger fic at one point, I got writer's block right around when I was trying to wrap it up and edit it and tbh just haven't gotten back to it and idk if I will

I got bold w it and threw in Clockwork and Jazz and I think I gave myself anxiety on writing them in-character lmao

Love reading ghost hunger au just maybe not writing it idk

15. What are your writing strengths?

Active voice and I've been told I'm pretty good with "show, don't tell" and capturing emotions

Definitely active voice though, as a journalist that shit is drilled into my head and when I see passive voice an alarm sounds in my head even though I do not personally give that much of a shit

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Tenses, and the actually sharing it with people part gives me so much anxiety

In my creative writing class when I had to share my fiction piece (which I posted to my main blog if anyone wants to read!), I was messaging Kateh throughout my entire class/critique because I was so nervous I was on the verge of tears lmao

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think it's fantastic when it adds to the character or is important in some way! I feel there should definitely be some sort of research done to be sure things are being used correctly as well

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I didn't realize this question was coming up I guess I'll reveal now it was Sonic the Hedgehog back in my dA days

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Probably Local Barista Danny Fenton, I love telling funny work stories and it seems to have made people who read it happy!

20. What fic are you most proud of?

I really can't pick a fav because I'm really really proud of all my fics!

--

Tagging @amabsis and @omegasmileyface but y'all don't have to do it if you don't want to!!

[skinks]

Please Please talk to me about Maggie Tozier and what she’s like and looks like and what Dilfworth Tozier loves about her and made him put a ring on it and in general how much her two boys love her and how she loves them.

[cracks knuckles] here we go

I was looking through my copy of the book yesterday to answer this ask but then I figured, y’know what? Canon can suck it. I tend to beat myself up over accurate characterisation for Richie and Eddie, but they’re main characters, Maggie and Went are not, so the details are inconsequential. Their ages in the Dilfworth fic mean that they’d have a pretty different life experience from their book versions, what with growing up in the 60s/70s, but imo all that matters is that they love Richie and are good parents. Canon is ours now!!!

- my no.1 headcanon rn is that Maggie sings like an angel, and sings all the time. In the car, in the shower, gardening, housework, cooking. She and Went have a pretty good record collection, but if Went is listening to something and hears Maggie singing to herself in another room of the house he shuts that shit off quick so he can hear her.

- I wrote in ithots that Richie busts out into song at the drop of a hat, right? well, where Richie gets encouragement with his Voices through Went participating, Richie gets his incessant singing from Maggie, because he grew up in a household where that was welcomed.

- Maggie doesn’t even notice she’s doing it until Richie joins in, or she turns around and sees Went gazing at her all dopey, and she gets self-conscious

- until Went is like “I don’t know why. You know I think you’re a songbird” and then grins and calls her Magpie. She says stop. He says, Maggie-pie? She throws a dishcloth at him but secretly loves it because she fell in love with how frank and practical he is most of the time, but also how silly he is only when it comes to her and Richie.

- he only calls her that when they’ve had one too many anyway, otherwise it’s all sweetheart, honey, darling, Mags. Marguerite, in Richie’s stupid French Waiter Voice. “Yes ma’am” for when he’s rearranging her guts. Maggie’s the one to call him “my love” the first time, but she said it kinda exaggerated and jokey, and Maggie just doesn’t joke the way Went and Richie do so Richie noticed the way his dad just cracked tf up and was like wow, Mom must be really, really funny

- so y’know how Richie calls Eddie “my love” in the book, and is generally quite physically affectionate? He picks all that up from his parents, watching their example. Wants to make Eddie laugh like that

- for some reason I always imagine she speaks like, French or Italian fluently. I’m stealing @honeyreynolds hc that her maiden name is Avery for Tex Avery, but maybe her own mother was European. She tries to speak French with Richie as a baby/toddler so that he’ll be bilingual, and she’s so proud/frustrated because he’s clearly smart and has a knack for linguistic imitation, but his attention span is just. Non existent

- still makes lil kid Richie giggle by doing exaggerated Italian and making him guess what she’s saying

- I think she’s pretty elegant and reserved and almost shy on the surface with a rly wry sense of humour, so people tend to think she’s snooty, but she’s just... so concerned with keeping the peace and not saying anything bad about someone. Tries to see the best in people. This can lead to a lot of embarrassment when Went is so upfront and medical-frank about stuff or if Richie’s being a dumbass in public, but really she just envies their typically masculine lack of inhibition

- this is because she’s got this killer wicked streak. Maggie’s got a hidden well of scathing diatribes and Went knows it because

- they met on a plane in 1971 when Maggie was flying back to college for her final semester of senior year, and the man in the seat next to her started having an attack of some kind. The stewardesses appeal desperately for any doctors on board, nobody answers. Anyone at all? We’ll have to land the plane! Maggie’s trying to slowly shift away from this man and his spasms without seeming rude when she hears a deep sigh in the seat behind her and someone saying “I’m ethically bound to admit I have a licence in dentistry,” in a voice like he’s in on some joke nobody else knows.

- this guy unfolds the longest legs she’s ever seen and comes to squat right next to her and her apparently dying seat partner, she notices he’s nice looking and keeps glancing at her, there’s banter. Eventually he shrugs and is like “imo this man has a bad case of wind.” And Maggie just TEARS Went a new one like oh nice diagnosis DOCTOR DENTIST where’s your seatside manner?!?! what kind of name is WENTWORTH anyway! and Went’s like 👀😳😍 and then the dying man lets out a giant fart and Maggie recoils, all her pretty poise and indignation turning to base disgust and Went bursts out laughing and offers her the seat next to him

- turns out his first residency is in the next town from Maggie’s college. She’s only dated preppy meatheads before who only ever tried to flatter her and stopped listening when she talked about her music theory degree or the books she likes. But Went always grins and side-eyes her and cranks the volume whenever Maggie May comes on the hits station, because then she’ll whack him with a book. She’s so SWEET he loves goading her into releasing some more of that plane rage, like one day she’s prowling on the edge of a rant about her TA and trying to be reasonable. Went’s like, do it. You’ll feel better. So she fuckin rants her head off for ten minutes until her hair’s all dark and wild like an Arthurian queen and she looks over at Went reclining all impressed on her dorm bed and he’s like. I have never been more in love in my life. Can you sit on my face and make fun of my name again

- so yeah they’re both like, quietly distinguished and outwardly calm model citizens of Derry but in private Went is the fuckin roastmaster and is Maggie’s outlet for frustration whenever housewife suburbia gets too much

- I always picture her as having dark and quite curled hair, sort of Lauren Bacall eyes, and she’s probably tall too. Like 5’8 to Went’s 6’0 or 6’1 which is why Richie turns out to be 6’2 lmao. A family of giants. Honestly the whole time I was writing the Dilfworth fic I was imagining Mary Elizabeth Winstead, that’s my early-30s Maggie that Went is so excited to come home he’s stocking up on condoms. God I bet she’s got some of those single dark beauty mark freckles on her stomach 🥵 Wears hats with big brims. Sundresses. Secretly likes to pretend she’s on a mysterious trip to Rome as she sits in the park watching Richie catch dragonflies. Maybe when she’s older and Richie’s a teenager she looks kinda like Olivia Williams, bc I’ve had a big milfy thing for her ever since she was the mother in the 2003 Peter Pan.

- most kids in Derry have a crush on either Richie’s mom or dad or both and this is unfortunately quite damaging to his self esteem, even though Maggie INSISTS he’s just so handsome. She hates seeing him so insecure

- she tried pot once in college and hated it. The only times she comes close to getting hammered is on book club wine because it’s the only way she can get through them asserting the female orgasm doesn’t exist, then she comes home mildly tipsy and joins in on Went and Richie’s raucous game of cards

- felt a bit left out when Richie was small, with how well Went was able to go along with the silliness. Went sees this and gets Richie to make up a game where she’s Queen Margaret of the Tozier Court and made Richie a knight. They all spoke in bad Medieval Voices all afternoon, and it becomes one of those super long-running family jokes, and Maggie still feels all happy inside whenever Queen Margaret comes up

- ruthless decision maker!!! She had to be, because Went’s so laidback he’s horizontal and is always like “idc what we do as long as you guys are chill” and Richie can’t concentrate long enough to pick what colour gumball he wants, so she has to be staff sargeant. They go to Disneyland and she’s like C’MON BOYS HUP HUP HUP and Went’s like “oh cripes son we’re being hustled!!” but they love it as much as she loves them doing what she says

- great cook because of her indeterminidely Mediterranean mother.

- she genuinely wants to understand Richie’s strangeness but is also stumped as to what to do to bond with him, since she can only think of things she’d do with a daughter. She WANTS to brush Richie’s curls and bake with him but she thinks he wouldn’t like it, so they stick with singing. Is delighted when Eddie very politely and very intensely asks for her help making Richie a birthday cake. She sees how different they are together, and remembers Richie coming home at 5 years old declaring he was gonna marry Eddie Kaspbrak when he grows up, and she thinks... well, if I must have a son-in-law, I would love this one as much as I love my son.

[theworldsoul]

I've been very upset lately. The pressure is insane.

And it's not like I don't know math or understand the material, I actually know all the concepts and everything. The only issue is I make little mistakes, the tiniest little mistakes, I forgot about the exponent, I wrote it as negative instead of positive, I forgot the units, I have the wrong amount of sigdigs, I added instead of multiplying... simple things, small things.

This is because my brain doesn't function well with so many rules. It simply doesn't compute long lists of strict rules sorry babe. No joke, all my mistakes arent cos I dont know what I'm doing, they're because I forgot soemthing small.

Fuck this shit man I'm not meant to be doing this... like, the amount of stress this is causing me... and I just know that tommorow after I get a shit mark my parents will be angry... I was given one days notice about the exam??? I study for hours every day??? Idk what else you want me to do like I'm already ruining my mental health for this.

I've told them before that it felt like I was overworking myself and they said that's just somehting I have to get used to and that's honestly so fucking upsetting. Like I rly said "yeah this class is fucking me up" and they went "lol idc get used to it, it will be like this for the rest of your life. Also work harder ur marks suck."

Like bro??? I have cried more in the past day than I've ever cried in ONE DAY... probably like 7 times. That's not normal, I dont think. Either I have some sort of illness or this is too much. I think maybe I have soemthing wrong with ME. Everyone else seems to handle it fine, no one else cries like I do. No one else is constantly doubting their intelligence.

Maybe it's a memory issue??? Like, one day of class I legit raised my hand and solved a question without ever having seen that sort of question before just with Logic, but yesterday I panicked because I couldn't remember how to solve it, in fact I didn't remember it at all until I asked the teacher and she told me that I should know since I was the first to have a correct answer... its almost like my brain doesn't remember math. Maybe that's because it's not built to do math??? Not like that matters... if I want a house in the future I need to finish math with a good grade.

This is SHIT. I work so hard and still I'm unable to live up to the expectations... I'm given at least 30 questions to complete for homework (I get like 4ish hours to do them since I get home at 3, go to bed at 9 and eat supper around 5) and I only end up completing like 6 before i have to go to sleep.... its painful and it's sad and I DON'T BELONG HERE!!!!! I DON'T BELONG IN A FUCKING MATH CLASS, MUCH LESS A GRADE 11 LEVEL IB MATH PROGRAM THAT WAS ORIGINALLY A YEAR LONG COURSE CONDESNED TO FIT INTO THE SPAN OF ONE/TWO MONTHS!!!!

But I can't just... do something easier. I can't. It's not an option if I want a house when I'm older. It's not an option if I want my parents to not hate me. It's not an option if I want to make the teacher who called me "hardworking" and pulled the strings to get me here proud.

I feel guilty for thinking that my hard work and dedication and whatever could ever match the natural wit of the kids who sit next to me. I feel inferior to them as I struggle with a problem that they complete instantly. I feel like I'm worthless. And maybe I am. The MOST IMPORTANT AND MOST RESPECTED SUBJECT is the one I am the worst at. And the ones my parents and society in general dismiss as being useless or stupid are the ones I'm good at and I enjoy. If the things I CAN do aren't good enough, what good am I as a person? What do I serve to society as a person? ...NOTHING.

The pain I feel over this is literally tortuous, fuck, I can't handle it, it physically hurts and it feels like my body is too weak to handle all the pain. I'm not even fucking joking, this makes me miserable. It ALWAYS has. I was so stupid to think I could EVER be good enough. I was so stupid to think if I studied for hours on end I would magically become better at math. It doesn't work that way....

And I feel guilty for wanting to be loved an valued, because how can I expect that when I can't do anything to be deserving of that? I feel guilty for the fear of my parents reactions upon seeing whatever grade I get tommorow, because really, I deserve whatever punishment comes to me. Because really, I'm not worth even having a bed to sleep in if I can't do basic fucking math. I'm so stupid. I'm SO FUCKING STUPID.

I don't know if I'll make it. If I'll pass my classes and make it. If ill get grades good enough to get a job that will pay me Enough.

This is so scary... I hate how my future hinges on this... I'm 15 and whether I live in a house or on the streets is dependent on how good I am at math.

Fuck this it's so stressful I'm panicking and I honestly wish I wasnt even human at all... I wish I could be a bird or a dog or cat or whatever, an animal that is loved, an animal that is happy and free of this crushing. Pressure. An animal that just... no thoughts head empty only animal sounds. Or maybe a baby. It would be nice to be a baby or a small child who only has to know how to write their name and maybe count to ten. Oblivious and happy and cared about. Or maybe it would be best to just be nothing at all. Freed from the prison I've been condemned to live in. Nothing at all. I wish I could sleep and never wake up.

I want to be happy... fuck. I guess I am overdoing it. Something's wrong with me lately. Normal people don't have so many breakdowns in such short spans of time over such stupid bullshit. I think that maybe I've been treated too softly in the past and now that I actually have to work its come as a shock to me.

But that makes no sense. I'm able to work and I do work, a lot, it just isn't helping and my brain won't take it in properly.

When I wake up tommorow my eyes will be swollen from crying so much.

[nozomijoestar]

For the character ask thing, bestie:

Joseph Joestar, Guts Berserk, Entrapta, and Nozomi Tojo (bc her special day yesterday 😩)

Yehas...

Joseph the Himbo:

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 

Ups and downs with this man over his appearance changes in each part cuz Araki loves throwing curveballs be it coerced by the editors or just himself (cheated on Suzie Q like Rly...Rly? 🤨) and forgetting but like, Part 2 is still special to me bc it's The Joseph Show as I've heard sb who doesn't like Pt 2 say, and it's SO entertaining to see him at his peak bullshittery while still seeing his moments of nobility and being humble because under everything he's still got a compassionate streak even if his temper can get the best of him- Lisa Lisa, Speedwagon, Wham, Erina, and Caesar make him great as a protagonist too for what they each push out of him as he matures and without them I think he'd be entertaining but shallow after a while

Also I love Battle Tendency and it is decades old at this point and Araki as a person seems to have changed but the inclusion of Nazis as allies is another mark of how venerated they are not only in Japan's Far Right but it's pop culture and nerds too since in being part of the Axis Japan decided to scrub a lot of their evils and Germany's from school history books Post War creating entire ignorant generations, I'm sure it's a mix of people who genuinely were never taught the truth and are very ignorant and those who do know but justify uplifting it somehow if only for like aesthetics at expense of being a fucking decent human being

I get so excited remembering Part 2's action and fun that I almost live in a world where the Nazi Allies don't exist and then I Remember 😔

Guts:

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 

KING KING KING KINGHDHDJ

This man has it ALL, this man's example wrote the standard for almost EVERY piece of dark fantasy Japanese media after 1989 and even beyond Berserk's genre and overseas. People can go their entire lives not knowing who he is but his character influenced the creation of their own favorite series, imagine being that powerful. Imagine Guts not existing and Final Fantasy wouldn't be what it is from 7-10 or parts of 14 (Cloud & Auron being the most obvious homages, 14 would never have had a Dark Knight class), Bleach wouldn't be what it is, Claymore would be less of an answer series without a Berserk to have posed its questions, Vagabond and Vinland Saga probably wouldn't exist etc. like?? I miss Kentaro Miura so much.

This man is about as close to perfectly human as I have ever seen in a character of any media, he's been at and encompasses an entire spectrum of humanity good and bad and between, he was one of the first protagonists who made me question the expected Western goodness of the protagonist role. Even if you don't like him there's no denying his impact. He breaks all expected genre conventions of a hero to the point of making his own, he simply Is without guiding by any archetypes.

His story is suffering yet persevering, being extremely traumatized yet healing, surviving for purposes that evolve as much as he does with what happens to him. A guy who's both active and reactionary flies in the face of Western storytelling and says it can go fuck itself. I saw so much of myself reflected in him small and large and while I'm critical of his actions (a laundry list in its own right) I still wouldn't be where or who I am today without him. He's everything, let your characters be human, strictly following archetypes and conventions is meaningless. The best story is forgetting all the shit you're taught and looking at life as you live it, the people as you encounter them, your thoughts as you reflect on them. He reinforced that in me and I'm so grateful.

Entrapta:

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 

What can I say Two Trucks slaps 😩

Entrapta was such a breath of fresh air in Spop I genuinely can't imagine an Spop without her and not just bc she invented shit to advance the plot. Her humor, her intelligence, her committed responsibility to her actions, her simplicity that works for and against her, she had so much going on with so little. And whenever tensions got too crazy where she could be involved she was there with the facts and straightforward honesty to get people on track.

Without Entrapta the set ups and catapulting events of Spop wouldn't have happened or would be almost unrecognizable. It was great having a character who could stay the most grounded of everyone which made it sadder whenever she lost belief in herself.

Catra betraying her to me was the real straw to show how far she'd been pushed into her own anger, like it's Entrapta, the least egotistical person with virtually no complex agenda who had never intentionally disrespected her, the person she knew would be easy to trick for her straightforward nature and lash out at for the same. I love Catra but damn, that was fuckin dirty.

Nozomi...Nozomi 😳☺️

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby My King, My Muse| hot | want to marry | favorite 

The canvas I paint on, my anchor in uncertainty, a fabric of my identity, she's part of my everything. No character has held dominance over my life and directly shaped events I've been apart of by association as she has. When I talk about comfort characters or joke about reverse kinning she's who I'm talking about, I made her me as much as I notice and interpreted in my own depth what she has in her series.

Love Live is honestly generic with some awful messages and largely made as wank material for godawful otaku incels even at its best But in saying so it gave me so much freedom to color in the lines of Nozomi to my heart's content.

I can't put words to how important she became to me, how I first encountered her from someone evil and made her my hope, how I met and parted from dozens of people because they took interest in her then me and how I see her, there's no words for defining how differently five years of my life would have gone without her. I would be a stranger to myself if she weren't there.

Nozomi's emptiness outside a handful of traits made her a framework to find myself in even if I didn't realize it at the time. The characters I've created since her come in part from ideas I started with Nozomi, so that she's literally in everything I create one way or another, she's in my moods and my thoughts and my confidence. I've even found entire new genres of music, series, and writing styles out of devotion to defining her in my imagination. She's informed a piece of how I interpret my gender presentation and how that makes me see other women's own presentations.

A long way of saying I owe my life to one big titty fake New Age weirdo cunning lonely and emotional bastard jfhdheodjfj

[uniformbravo]

some stuff what happened this week

burned my mouth pretty bad on a little hostess cherry pie the other day ummm.. betrayed

speakin of hostess some ding dong commented on one of my left-handed drawing videos asking if i could “draw strate” kfkjdlsgkds

speakin of youtube i meant to get a video up today to finally break my over-a-month-long accidental hiatus but my arms dont work & i didnt finish the art on time (haha rip) but i am working on stuff! i got a little two-page spread im working on in my moleskine & im rly happy with it so far!! i just need to color it basically.... the video’ll probably be a voiceover bc i love embarrassing myself lol

this piano cover of the attack on titan s2 op has been literally constantly stuck in my head for the past few days, i’ve listened to it maybe like. 4 or 5 times tops. how can it be so solidly in there then. i’ll be sitting there focusing on something completely unrelated and then slowly realize that it’s been playing in the back of my head the whole time i. i really love this pianist you guys,

last night i was up until 2am reading my old stories i wrote in middle + high school but like... i wasn’t just reading them to myself i was reading them... out loud??? like i was alone in my room so no one was subjected to that second-hand embarrassment but yeah it was... weirdly fun (which is probs why it went on for 3 hrs Oops) u guys should try it sometime 

reading those stories tho made me realize that i used to write a Lot of self-indulgent shit and it was really fun??? it inspired me so im writing another rly self-indulgent scene from my ocs’ old story..... i hate writing...... im doing this so future me can reread it and go “...Nice” like i was doing last night reading those old stories kfgdkfl

i am.......... honestly being consumed by webcomics i read them all afternoon yesterday & then today too like!! midterms are this week!! i have a midterm in art history tomorrow!!! i havent studied at all!!! @ me wyd!!!!!!!!!! anyway i found some rly good ones today who wants recs: george and johnny is rly cute & also happens to have angsty character mmm my fave always raining here is great i just binge read the whole thing (it’s complete!!) & it has great characters & also some good angst too heyeyeehaeha (im on the hunt for angst ok................... if it’s not ur thing dw it’s maybe like. 35% angst. ok 40% ok 5) just watch out for a couple warnings (they’re mentioned in the site’s right margin) & also some kind of stereotypical gay jokes in the beginning (theres 1 slur too) but it gets better i promise. also that art improvement aaaaaaaaaay i rly wanna make like a big webcomic rec post w/ all my faves on it at some point bc they all deserve so much love but for now those are just the two i read today (yesterday i reread tj and amal which is always a good one there u go third bonus rec)

anyway FUCk i didnt mean to stay up until 1am boy it’s a good thing my early class is cancelled im gonna have to use the time to study for that midterm tomorrow Am I Right Boys hahaaahah hahah a a

bye,