#i love women that can kill me / out of character .
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yearning for the day that we will be able to mock padmes everything in the same way we do the rest of the prequel characters. let women suuuuck. ppl say they support women’s wrongs and then they can’t conceive of female characters actually doubt anything wrong and being a bit of a tiktok girlie tradwife influencer. it’s why you are the truest padme truther up in this bitch ty for your service.
DUDE LITERALLY!!!!! i literally love her so much because she sucks!!! she's literally the sort of girl i would hate in real life!! stepford tradwife with jakey boyfriend for real!! literally people prefer to girlbossify her to make her a Strong Female Character who's secretly interesting because they want star wars to be something it isn't. when really it is what it is. and that is a story that features a sort of flat female character whose entire existence revolves around a man and then she is fridged and either you fuck with that or get out of the kitchen because she is making her annoying husband a sandwich in said kitchen whether you like it or not. like she's stupid she's delusional she doesn't give a fuck about red flags she tries to Stop This Isn't You a guy who killed a bunch of children she was a mediocre politician she wanted to give up her job to be a housewife and mom for a guy who pitched her dictatorships on the second date!!! like i'm sorry she would not be pegging that man (to me) she is so basic tradwife
like also to me the whole point of the prequels is that everyone who's a major player (not Palpatine) is kind of defined by their love for Anakin, and their arcs are inextricable from this. And for some reason people can accept this with being the case with Obi-Wan but CANNOT ACCEPT THIS WITH PADME AND I'M JUST LIKE?? DUDE. ACCEPT THAT GEORGE WROTE HER TO JUST BE HIS WIFE!!! THERE IS NOTHING MORE EVERYTHING ELSE IS TERTIARY TO HER ROLE AS HIS WIFE!!! STOP TRYING TO MAKE HER DIFFERENT THAN WHAT SHE IS!! SHE IS A HOUSEWIFE WHO HAPPENED TO BE A SENATOR AND SHE GOES STOPS THIS ISN'T YOU TO ANAKIN SKYWALKER CHILDKILLER AND IS ANNOYING!!!
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𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐈𝐍𝐁𝐎𝐗 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋 ! multis please specify .
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if you’re in a fandom and seriously upset enough at people shipping different fictional characters than you that you have to make posts about wanting those people to die, maybe it’s you who has a fucking problem?
#more bullshit in the horizon fandom#i’m seriously so close to just being Done with it#‘people who ship aloy with men make me sick’ ‘let’s chainsaw them’#obvs we’re not going to get chainsaw’d but you know what can happen?#people get harassed. people get DOXXED. people are chased out.#real people get hurt.#remember that lovely comment about foth about wanting to kill and eat everyone who made a male ship with aloy?#i sure fucking do#i’m so goddamn tired of this behaviour#and how it’s all seen as OKAY#why is it OKAY to threaten and wish harm upon people in fandom for a bisexual headcanon?#a bisexual headcanon that means aloy can kiss men AND women?#it’s not an anti-queer or anti-wlw headcanon at all#it’s celebrating queer aloy while also enjoying her relationship potential with a male character#it does not make her less queer and quite often the male is headcanon’d as bi as well! so bi4bi!#m/f relationships can be queer. stop gatekeeping. and stop WISHING HARM ON REAL FUCKING PEOPLE.
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What a good episode. Maaaaaan
#I can't even start I'd be here forever#It did take me in fact like one hour total to watch it lmoa. It sooooo good!!! The animation is very good#(albeit it's awfully low on brightness at times. But such seems to be the sin of lot of recent media unfortunately)#but I'm not even going to dwell on that. The plot / storytelling is so good. Sooooo god. I adore this arc.#Love the symbolism. I've been saying this for almost two years now (is it really been that long ever since these episodes came out... ) but#I want to write an analysis on the op & ed so baddd. The emphasis on the twilight this episode!!#Like the sun was setting on the detective agency. I love love love the hd. They're so cool in this episode and they're so cool in general.#I ADORE Jouno. I don't feel particularly strongly for sue/giku yet their scenes are so cute and funny. I see why people ship them.#Even Tetchou I don't usually care much about is so !!!!! I love all the hd so much fr!!!!!!!!!!#I love love love Jouno. Like much like it is for Akutagawa I'm very weak for characters that aren't really good people.#But they're still trying to be a better person than they were. And oftentimes they end up doing a terrible job!!#But the fact alone that they're //trying// has me ougheueueueu. Here in this episode you can see Jouno–#sliping very easily in his cruel / sadistic habits. But he is trying to be a person that cares for others! He made good actions in the past#and he will again in the future even though right now he's acting like this! Because improvement isn't linear! I love him tonsss#And DON'T get me started on the ada. Yosano's “Welcome” scene. I love women. I love women. Yosano please one chance#KENJI'S SCENE God I needed this. How could I forget the way this literllyyyyy rewinded my brain when I read the manga for the first time.#That scene is so deep and poignant and so so meaningful I. Oughhh#I am going to run out of tags am I not#Kyouka saving Atsushi!!!!!!! That scene is one of my all time favourites. It makes me soft to remember when the s4 trailer dropped–#I was so overjoyed for that bit of them holding hands :') Rightfully so!!! It's so cute.#Her coming back to save Atsushi. The “don't worry– I didn't kill them” direct towards Atsushi–#that is so so Akutagawa and it sends me insane hhhhhhgggggggggg#Kunikida!!!!! His “I'm not leaving anyone behind”!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not precisely Kunikida's first fan but aaaaaahhh he makes me feel–#so much for him in this scene!!!!! Mmmhhh one last note would be. It bugs me a little how the ada is defined terrorist by the military–#forces starting this episode? I don't have space to elaborate properly but. An action to be considered terrorism must have clear political–#orientation and goal. Violence alone isn't enought to be defined terrorism. It's an incorrect use of the word#Up to the next episode!!! Can't wait to see more Atsushi 🥰🥰#random rambles#It's late now and probably most are asleep rn... Then I'll be queing my posts for tomorrow probably
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name some canonically nonbinary characters why dont you
#toy txt post#those 'name 10 female characters' posts got me rolling my eyes again. just ultimate performative bullshit huh#its giving i think picking a favorite blorbo os activism. by shipping an appropriate amount of femslash in a way that is genuine#but not overbearing or that might be fetishizing! and im not forgetting the characters for the ships not like those nasty m/m shippers!#and by doing this i will reinstate abortion rights. with my Feminist Tastes. im putting words in ppls mouths and being petty but good god#like everyday this shits on my dash. can you all just start blocking the annyoing misogynist m/m shippers you dislike then?#'dont name a male character you just call babygirl' are you normal about trans headcanons? im sure im SURE you are getting the most#annoying fuckers in the world in your notes just calling male characters babygirl without it being a trans headcanon but i have seen so#many posts of this flavor now. are you consuming media correctly? are you consuming the correct media correctly? are you doing it right?#are you meeting your ship quota? are you caring about the characters outside of their ships enough? are you shipping the characters of#color the right amount the right ways to the right characters but not too much cos that might be fetishy? are you headcanoning them aspec?#are YOU aspec? we'll give you a begrudging pass for headcanoning marginalized characters as Aspec MAYBE but dont get too annoyed about#seeing ships and you have to be so polite about everyone equating aspec headcanons with infantilization with no thought to the irony that#in doing so theyre infantilizing aspecs. its honestly 50/50 if you get a pass to headcanon a character as aspec. but we will talk about#doing so as a one to one example of writing the character out of the way of your ship. you and i are not the same. name ten female#characters. name 5 of their albums and recite all the lyrics from memory. produce 5 pieces of heartfelt fic or fanart to prove your genuine#love of the character. are you going to be normal about it if someone names a cano ically male character they headcanon as a trans fem?#or will you start on some shit about how that doesnt count cos shes not a real girl? or do you know better than to say that bc that would#be genuinely shitty. are you doing it right? are you doing it right? are you doing it right? prove your fandom activism to me. write a#feminist retelling of the narrative. what if i name 10 female characters that im headcanoning as transmasc or nonbinary and calling them#babygirl? are you doing it right? am i doing it right yet? am i performing fan engagement correctly?#am i correctly engaging with fan content? is this going to please your algorithm? but not too much. just a little spicy. a little punk. but#not so much i get banned from the platform. for fandom. am i doing it right? are you shipping Pure and Wholesome Ships?#are you Cool and Edgy? do you only ship characters that hate each other that kill each other that are siblings that are problematic? have#you gone so far the other way you think youre cool to scoff at those silly tiktok puritans who only ship pure ships? you wont even think#about a show if its Politically correct you want it to call you a slur. cos youre tough and cool not like those mentally weak uncritical#tiktok puriteens. are you winning son? are you winning? are you having fun yet? are you doing it right? pass my gauntlet#are you a fake nerd girl? name five obscure comics characters to prove youre a real fan. do you hate women? are you winning?#are you winning at correctly engaging with media content? do you get a sticker? is there a sticker for naming 10 female characters? what#about 20. do you completly write off media with Less Women? put your money where your mouth is then. ship the girls in fast and furious
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i have not rewatched kingsman: the golden circle since i saw it once when it came out in theatres, and i am only rewatching it now because of the pedro pascal renaissance.
i will be clear that i will never forgive this movie for killing off roxy in the first half an hour without giving her even five minutes of screen time when she was the only female kingsman.
#it's like they didn't know what to do with her so they just killed her off#they could have had eggsy and her be the two surviving kingsman (and merlin you find out later)#it reallyyyy felt like 'oh we can only have one female spy in this movie at a time and we want to put halle berry in there'#listen this movie is flashy and fun but it's not GOOD#the first one? saw that three times in theatres i loved it so much#this one not so much#i think if they would have rewritten it to put roxy in there it could have been better#i would have loved roxy and halle berry's character interacting and lamenting about being the only women in their field#and roxy being killed off was just the tip of the iceberg#my least favourite part about the first movie was the cheeky joke about the swedish princess and they managed to turn that#into an entire plot point where he's dating her in the second movie#and i dont have to remind tumblr about the dubious consent and violation of that woman at the festival where they stuck the tracker(??)#up her whoha#anyway whatever#im rewatching for pedro pascal and pedro pascal alone#dvcree you did this to me TAKE RESPONSIBILITY#kingsman: the golden circle#kingsman#panda posts
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wait people know tsumiki was abusive to patients before being accepted into hpa/meeting junko right like thats 100% canon and the reason she went into nursing was because she enjoyed having people dependent on her and isnt above making them be dependent on her
#do u guys not remember her 3rd and 4th fte or what#saw a thing being like 'its a rumour that how tsumiki acts in the 3rd trial is her 'real' personality and shes committed acts before'#and like obv in the 3rd trial she had reverted to shsl despair but that doesnt mean she wasnt an abusive nurse before she ever met junko???#like she has done fucked up shit in the past and its so weird how its ignored bc ppl were also abusive to her + then junko happened#but um turns out taking ur frustration and resentment out on ur patients isnt going to fix or stop the abuse youve been suffering#idk why this is being made into a dichotomy of either shes fucked up OR junko also extra fucked her up like these can both be true lol#her 4th fte is all about how to hold power over people without killing them like?????? idgi#(medical abuse makes me insane both in the special interest + keep it far away from me way so seeing it ignored makes me even more insane)#like i know people love making women characters 1 dimensional but its ok she can be interesting and have a fucked up backstory as a treat#u can be a victim and a perpetrator!! like is it not more interesting for her to have to relearn how to care and break her own bad habits?#(in addition to having to unlearn her own dependence and devotion to junko of course)#like finding a purpose in helping people is a great goal but the pre-hpa snapshot of tsumiki we see in sdr2/island mode is more like worrie#she wont have a purpose unless she forces people to be dependent on her and these insecurities are from her past not from anything junko di#a lot of the shsl ppl struggle with their talents and properly living up to them and like reflecting on how tsumiki views nursing and peopl#who are dependent on nurses and like changing those views so she isnt taking the opportunity to force people to depend on her and instead#meeting them where theyre at in a way that will benefit the patient not her insecurities#anyways long tag rant at least its my own post ;P#tsumiki#my posts
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I JUST FUCKIN REALIZED ITS FEBRUARY. FEMSLASH FEBRUARY. bakugan sapphics i have failed you... i will make content to feed myself (a lesbian) tomorrow maybe...
#fuckign. i lobe women. love wlw. need me more of that good shit.#altho i know like. one wlw bakugan ship??? honestly why the fuck is there so many men. get them out of my sight.#popular wlw ship i mean. anything else i can come up with is just me trying to sail down a river in a bucket#does NOT help that there are so many men compared to the amount of women in bakugan#also i know like fuck all about mechtanium ILL GET AROUND TO IT I PROMISE#i dont even really do shipping anymore? im just tired of the amount of men. and the lack of wlw ships.#yes gus and spectra are my favourite characters. yes i want more of the wlw.#forcing me to see straight people is a crime against humanity and god DAMN it mylene not getting a gf is a crime#and kazarina was SO out of barodius' league honest to god#the only characters who are kinda men i guess who im willing to talk about is spectra and gus#i am so tired of men tho i am not going to lie. ive been dealing w some shit in other fandoms tho so. i am jaded.#being a lesbian is like 99% of my personality and im proud of it. lets go sapphics.#hnnnhghhgnn women... ♥️#okay im done now i just had a gay moment i am gay i love women and im super tired of men#no but seriously why was kazarina gonna settle for BARODIUS girl just kill him and take the throne and rule over gundalia
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just finished s6 of elementary (finished s5 on sunday. lol) and i’m trying to get my friends to watch it also so unfortunately i can’t drown them in my spoilery rantings so instead everything is going in the tags here so uh. abandon all hope ye who enter these tags, spoilers abound
#im gonna pad these tags a bit actually#so the spoilers go behind a 'read more' or whatever#youre welcome <3#have i mentioned you should watch this show#anyways we're probably safe now su#HOOOOOOOOOLY SHIIIIIIT#that is not at ALL where i expected that to go#gregson was really warming up to me this season. he had never really stood out as a characted before but i think he really shown in s5&6#but man. that finale. honestly idk if i can forgive his character for that. i know he was just trying to protect his daughter but she had to#take responsibility for killing michael because it was not fair for joan to take the fall for that even unintentionally. im definitely gonna#miss him tho. and marcus too. i mean i knew his presence was coming to an end anyways with the marshalls but this finale has really dissolve#d the core cast here. now its jsut sherlock and joan. back in london too; thats quite the move#and in the last season. i guess the total shift is setting and cast didnt do well with ratings? or maybe it was always going to end at 221b#idk. but i think my favorite part of this season was sherlock completely devoting himself to the idea of joan getting a kid#personally idk how i feel about the narrative making her a mother in the end. i could say it has come problematic implications about women's#roles but honestly within the context on the narrative? i dont think thats entirely true. anyways i jsut thought it was super cure how much#sherlock just wanted joan to be happy and fulfilled. 'i would make adjustments for you watson always.' 'we're two people who love each other#they way he develops through her. the way he learns how to love and be loved. the way he becomes kinder and he lets down his walls to laugh#with her and smile with her. the way that they understand each other in ways nobody else ever has. it makes me som emotinal#HE NAMED A BEE AFTER HER#im never going to get over that#anyways 'uncle detective' is maybe the cutest thing ever. he cleaned up his murder dollhouse for a kid she didnt even have yet :)#ok i think im done. for now. its 1am and i have class at 8:30 so uh i guess i'll just die about it but oh well. i was gonna watch one more#and then i realized the one after that one was the season finale so you see how i did what i had to#anyways. good night#:')#will tags this far in even get registered? oh well#elementary#cbs elementary#please someone talk to me about them
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[ID:
You do [caps] not [end caps] need to kill off a character for 'emotional impact', or 'realism'. Especially if you've given readers / watchers time to bond with said character. Come on.
/endID]
im starting to think you guys dont like it when stories make you feel things
#thinking about what example to use for this. stance i remembered the duel by alexander kuprin#to be short it is about a young officer romashov trying to get through the army while managing his personal life#like semi-romancing with a wife of another guy or breaking up a fight caused by another officer drinking#and swinging his sword around to the point it could harm women inside#either way. the husband of the woman romashov was romancing with ends up calling him to a duel#he wants to back out from it and is even adviced by probably the most wise/sane/philosophical character in the novel#but shurochka (the wife) takes the upper hand and convinces romashov to go to the duel because if he doesn't#then her husband - nikolaev - won't move up the ranks#as you can guess romashov goes to the duel and dies#the whole point of the novel is to showcase the effect russian army had on those in it. how it rotted them inside out#it is very important to note that the characters who are the most nice (besides the commander of 15th division I REMBER)#are those who are removed from serving most of their time. and the guy who tries to talk romashov out of duelling is an#alcoholic so. that already says a lot. they have been broken before is what i'm trying to say#and that influence is seen in romashov too. kuprin writes that he has books in dust that he meant to get to but in the end#it just never happens#the conflict is in romashov trying to keep his humanity and intelligence AND stay up in the army to impress shurochka#who is very manipulative because her life depends on her husband being in high ranks. she values army more than romashov tbh#it is also very important to note that you can see the destructive effect of the army on people in the soldiers too#one of them - khlebnikov iirc - literally tries to kill himself but gets talked oit of it by romashov#the point of romashov dying is to point just how far shurochka - and the army life - have gotten into him#they literally ended his life. he knew the duel would be dangerous but because of love for shurochka#and because of shurochka's love for keeping a high status he still went there; shot in the air and then took the bullet#if he didn't die it would not hit as hard. it would make the story a lot less impactful because we SAW how shurochka#manipulates romashov. how she keeps him around her finger. he was too deep to get out by this point#his death was necessary. he died from the old time's unspoken law#anyways if you want to i recommend reading the duel. and the garnet bracelet. WITH music that shit made me cry rivers#alexander kuprin#mention of death#sui mention#forgotten videotapes_uwu
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btw, while I think we can all agree that her chapter contains quite a few...questionable elements, I'm glad Lucy Mancini exists in the universe of The Godfather because thanks to her there's one woman in this book who ends up in a materially better place than where she started unlike litterally all the others so we can at least appreciate that
#lucy mancini#i mean her husband kinda creep me out tbh but compared to all the other men in this franchise he is lowkey a saint#my girl really ended up rich af married to a (albeit slightly creepy) doctor who was crazy about her with a whole new pussy#i love that for her#also that scene when tom is like 'nooo don't kill yourself you could be so useful to the family' is legit one of the funniest part#like imagine waking up after trying to kill yourself and your ex's brother is there randomly trying to convince you to join the mafia..#this said...i really don't believe that mario puzo agreed with most of the things he made his characters do or says in this book#if anything it's pretty obvious that we're not supposed to agree with most of it#but the way lucy was written makes me believe that my man *genuinely* believed that women come from vaginal penetration alone#and if that's the case all i can say is i'm so so sorry mrs puzo
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nobody goes here but my nobara cosplay under the cut! the first day was rly fun but sooooo exhausting omg. also i got to see the bg3 main cast which was super cool
#i love women that can kill me / out of character .#i didn’t take any pictures of the convention today#bc i wanted to experience it without taking out my phone whatsoever#which was a great choice#there’s so many talented ppl here!!!#I’ll take lots of pics tomorrow#right now im getting changed in the hotel#I’ll probably take a nap and then go for some hotpot 🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡#nobody asked for this but I’myapping anyway!!!!
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Oh. Huh.
#they moved nagamas to ao3? which makes sense all the reasons given for it ect ect#idk if i really wanna go That out of my way for it though........ it was really fun/a huge test of my abilities when i participated#but like. this is my confession. my cardinal sin maybe. but i barely if ever read fic (and obvs ao3 is more than fic it's a whole archive)#and if i do. i'm only doing it about characters i like generally but am not really that heavily invested in.#like i can read an ike/soren. have a little fun w it. maybe aa fics. kinda fun.#but i live in a beautifyl world on an island in my mind palace where alfonse is ambiguously but distinctly queer/mlm#deeply elaborate inner world about it. so much internal lore. the alfonse that lives in my head is so important to me.#if i see anyone doing him wrong i'm going to kill them on sight. i'm so sorry. i won't even lie or joke i'm straight up not normal about it.#LIKE it used to be WORSE ACTUALLY..... i have had to grow as a person. to be nicies. so we can all play touys and hold hands.#i'm not even being dramatic. it is that serious.#i'm not vaguing i'm jusf trying to find a way to explain that sometimes.#transmasc who had an emotionally devastating breakup on account of incompatibility 🫵 are you being normal about women.#like my core point here. sometimes you do gotta self reflect on the load bearing coping mechanism#and sometimes your world gets a little fuller for it! wow! so beaitfylf.... congrasts on being nicies 😊👍#but you could not pay me to venture into ao3 about a character i'm heavily invested in. i will kill us both.#and. obvs. what. started this ramble. nagamas is probably its own thing on there#but that is too far out of my comfort zone. you cannot pull me out of this dark corner. i live here. i'll die anywhere else.#huge props and shoutouts to fic writers though like! cool valid art medium i've even considered myself#i'm too comic brained though. i'd have to hone a whole ass other skillset also. like. i'm not a stranger to writing#but i'm def rusty. and really again my one true love is words WITH images#i just. don't wanna come off like i'm shitting on fic i respect fic so much. i just don't often indulge in it#and i am. such. a high strung bitch. that is entirely a me issue. you don't gotta worry about that! 🫡#we can ALL play touys ... with each other or side by side or separately. peace and love 💖
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Apparently the way to make me write about my OCs is to get me distracted while writing explanations for my choices on a survey in the tags.
#Sekhmet kills people#Alesa is unbelievably manipulative#Until recently I probably would have picked 0 bitches for Sekhmet#Because I didn’t actually have plans to give her a girlfriend at any point in the story#Her story isn’t really about that#it’s about trauma and healing and self-love despite a lifetime of pain and adversity#which turns you into a person who you never wanted to be and now you don’t know if you can ever become a person who you wanted to be again#all of which is to say despite the fact that it’s very important that she is attracted to women#and this fact about her is exploited by those around her to make her do things she doesn’t want to do#because she’s desperate for affection and approval#people would naturally deny that she’s lgbt at all because she doesn’t get a girlfriend#and would also say that she’s bad representation because her queerness gets exploited and functions as a character flaw in the narrative#which in the minds of gatekeepers means that she’s obviously straight actually#but I recently realized that a particular plot beat at one point in the story would actually best be resolved with a romance arc for her#so she does get exactly 1 bitch#unfortunately she loses said bitch to the inexorable strings of fate and family which conspire to pull them slowly apart#through no fault of either on their own and simply because in life many things we wish could last are brief#and our first loves are rarely the ones we carry the rest of our lives#but they do kiss before parting ways forever so that’s nice#Later in life Sekhmet gets another long term partner and starts giving free discreet abortions to anyone who needs them#because it turns out human fetal tissue is a powerful spell component but is usually unavailable#because the traditional ways of getting it usually involve ritual sacrifices to dark gods and extremely unsanitary knives#Sekhmet meanwhile completely breaks this limitation by just getting it ethically and consensually#through a simple and safe minimally invasive procedure#offered for free and with no questions asked#except for the normal safety questions of ‘did you tell anyone where you were going’#and ‘do you have any magic items on your person’#and ‘are you secretly carrying a troupe of assassins in a bag of holding to kill me while I’m unawares’#y’know normal witch stuff#what was this post about again?
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The amount of times I've started a new post and simply typed "Olivia Broussard" and then deleted it is frankly embarrassing I can't take this anymore can everyone I've ever met just start being obsessed with this sad divorced woman too
#rat rambles#oni posting#like goddddd she still makes me feel so crazy#its so hard to sell ppl on oni lore because its just like yes its abt two divorced women and yeah its told through work emails and#work logs along with a bunch of other unrelated work emails and logs which you should also read no they are not actually relevant to the#plot the vast majority of the time but you need to read them anyways or Ill cry rly hard#oh also some of the divorced women lore is hidden in object descriptions that you have to find in game yourself#and also the wikki is outdated as hell so theres also a shit ton of logs you can't read out of game#also the divorced women arent technically canonically divorced but shhhh doomed toxic yuri guys#can anyone hear me? is anyone there? Im losing it over here#Im kidding ofc Im not broken up abt no one I know getting into oni quite frankly I dont think itd be their thing#there's like what one person I know who I think would enjoy it? and even them Im dont think theyd get as into it as me#but it does kill me that no one makes oni fanart for non duplicant characters#I love dupes but I wanna see the scientist going thru shit I wanna see hcs man#like not just for olivia and jackie but for all of them#for example I hc that ada is the type of person who has a mad scientist laugh as their normal laugh#she also likes to mumble to herself as she works and had a tendency to monologue dramatically as she sets a project into motion#some of her coworkers find her kind of intimidating because of this but she is genuinely rly nice#oh I also hc that she wears glasses 👍#now tbf having any hcs for the scientists risky since theyre prone to be actively contradicted in the future but idc I wanna have fun
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close to home | s.r
pairing: spencer reid x reader
a/n: this has been rotting in my brain for days now i hope you enjoy the angsty comfort this brought me <3 my requests are open (guidelines in pinned!) or if you wanna just chat hop in my ask box :) gonna hopefully work on a smut fic in the next week so keep an eye out hehe
cw: angst, hurt/comfort, protective!spencer, afab!reader who uses she/her pronouns, non bau!reader, cm type violence, reader sustains injuries from unsub, vague description of injuries, maeve mentions, derek being a good friend, spencer being so in love with reader, this takes place probably a year after maeve, inconsistencies with tls and characters but who cares
wc: 2.4k
summary: the bau is working a local case when their unsub strikes again mid investigation, hotch tells reid and morgan to go check it out but spencer finds the address of the crime to be a little too familar
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whenever the bau has a case based in the dc area, it’s always a little easier on the team. familiar stomping grounds, ease of resources, no major time difference, and everyone can sleep in their own beds. the hard part about home cases is knowing there’s a serial killer in the place they know deeply, with people they cared about deeply.
spencer and callahan are in the middle of the bullpen staring at the giant white board with all the evidence they have so far. the unsub has been killing women in their mid 20s in the local dc area, with the mo currently unknown. there had already been two victims, both killed in their homes. spencer was currently trying to analyze all the information the case had alongside with what garcia was able to provide, and he was still hitting a dead end. morgan had joined them at some point too, trying to offer what he could remember from the crime scenes but to no avail. he felt his eyes straining and dropping so he decided to get more coffee, but was stopped by hotch and garcia entering the bullpen.
“police just got a 911 call about a break in, but there’s a witness this time. she was home when it happened and it looks like he didn’t expect that and tried to knock her out before escaping. i think it sounds like our unsub. morgan and reid i need you to go check out the scene and interview the witness, see what she remembers.” hotch explained.
morgan and reid nodded as garcia spoke up, “i just sent the address to your phones, it’s a house on hillcrest so it's not that far from here.”
spencer froze. he had to have heard wrong, she did not say hillcrest, “did you say hillcrest?”
“yeah hillcrest drive. it’s like, a 15 minute drive it’s not that bad.”
he felt his heart drop to his feet, a sinking feeling building in his gut. that was the street you lived on. he tried to ground himself with logic, the probability of it being your house is only 10%, but he was dreading asking the fated question.
“garcia, what’s the house number?”
“reid, i already sent it to your pho-“
“garcia, what is the house number,” he spoke again.
please don’t say 1159 please don’t say 1159 please don’t say-
“1159.”
fuck. the color drained from his face, and the nausea was building to a head quickly. spencer hurriedly tried to think through the last time he spoke to you, last night? this morning? he doesn’t check on you as much as he does when he’s not on a case, but oh my god why can’t he remember the last time he saw you.
“reid,” hotch bellows, finally breaking spencer out of his trance, “what is it? what do you know?”
he shook his head, “nothing. morgan, let’s go.” he grabbed his jacket and booked it out the door.
morgan, garcia, and hotch all looked at each other in concern, before morgan spoke up, “i’ll see what’s up.” the latter two nodded softly, though the worry didn’t let up in their eyes.
morgan walked up to the car to find spencer repeatedly trying to call someone on the phone, clearly unable to get through and getting really frustrated.
spencer was alerted by morgan’s presence hearing the car unlock but he didn’t even look at him, just immediately got in the car and strapped his seat belt. morgan joined him in the drivers seat giving him a wary look before turning the car on and pulling out of the bureau.
“okay reid, spill it. it’s obvious you know who lives here.” morgan speaks up.
“just drive, please.”
“because if you know something, something that could help the case, it would be helpful if we knew.”
“morgan, just drive.” he borderline yells.
he raises his eyebrows at his raised voice, “listen kid, i’m just trying to help you. i can see you’re upset but we’re on the same side, you know that.”
spencer takes a shaky breath, feeling another shade of guilt at yelling at one of his friends, for something he didn’t even know about. he’d kept you a secret for many reasons— your relationship with him was still new, and he just wanted to keep you to himself for a bit. after what happened with maeve, he felt especially more responsible at keeping you safe and making sure you didn’t get tangled up in his line of work.
some job he did of that.
the one thing he regrets about how he handled the maeve situation, was not asking for help until it was almost too late. for not doing anything about her stalker when he was part of one of the most famous fbi teams built to find people like that. he’d always live with that guilt, but he vowed not to do that with you.
he loved you so much. you were so kind, and smart, and beautiful. a breath of fresh air after feeling lost in a dark tunnel for so long. you were so understanding when he explained what he did for a living, and what had happened to him and people he cared about as a result. he still remembers what you said to him when he told you that you could have an out, if you wanted.
“any risk is worth taking if getting to be with you is the consolation prize.”
tears welled up in eyes thinking about the memory. if you were willing to take any risk, then he should be able to as well.
he cleared his throat, and morgan’s ears perked up, “my uh, my girlfriend lives there. where the unsub, at- attacked.” he voiced softly.
morgan looked at him for a beat while driving, spencer missing the way his face dropped. he tightened his hands on the wheels, and didn’t hesitate to turn the lights and siren on and shift gears to speed up.
__
the car pulled onto your street and the first thing spencer sees is the flashing light of the ambulances. morgan doesn’t even put the car in park before spencer’s bolting out hoping he can find you quickly.
he’s asking all the paramedics he’s passing if they’ve seen you or know if you’re being treated, were you transferred to a hospital and he didn’t know, the tunnel vision slowly overtaking him until he hears a voice breaking through like sunlight call out his name.
he whips his head in the direction he heard it come from, and he’s never been more grateful to be met with the beautiful sight of you. you watch his eyes widen and let out a sigh before running over to where you were sitting in the back of the ambulance. he’s definitely not thinking when he goes in to hug you, not even knowing the extent of your injuries. he’s overtaken by the desperate need to hold you in his arms so he knows you’re safe and okay.
“hi,” you choke out muffled, “funny seeing you here.”
he pulls back to inspect your face, taking note of a small cut above your left eyebrow and the beginning splotches of a bruise forming on your lower jaw. his heart aches so much looking at you, knowing what happened to you and who did this to you.
“hi, honey,” he lets out tearfully, “are you okay? i mean, of course you’re not. but what did the paramedics say? did they give you anything? are you sure they checked all your injuries? you know what, let me go call the guy over. i’ll be literally two seconds.” his panicked ramble fading off as he rounds the truck you’re sat in to find the emt.
upon his extensive questioning of the man who treated you, he found out that you had sustained a minor concussion from when the unsub swung at you with an umbrella, superficial cuts caused by a broken vase you threw to defend yourself, and a dislocated shoulder from getting shoved into the wall.
you were okay, but at what cost.
the emt leaves you two and spencer sits himself next to you on the rig. he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you as tight as he can and the other hand cradles your head into the crook of his neck, holding you so tight he’s hoping he can squeeze the bad memories out of you. it’s at this moment of feeling safe and sound in his arms when the adrenaline of your attack wears off.
spencer hears a small whimper and feels a few hot tears trickle down his neck, your breathing gets faster as you’re attempting to beat your body’s fear response. the slow build up of sobs starting to rack your chest, and he immediately holds you tighter.
“it’s over, baby, they won’t hurt you anymore. i promise.”
you sniffle, “i know, i just can’t believe this happened. to me, to us. it’s not fair to you.” trailing off the last two words.
“to me? wh- what do you mean?”
you take a deep breath, “i don’t mean to bring it up again, i just know how eerily similar this is to a past experience you’ve had. and i hoped that i wouldn’t be in a position to make you feel that way again. i don’t know why this happened, i'm sorry.”
he looked down at you incredulously. genuinely unable to believe that you were sitting next to him on an ambulance, beaten up with bruises and scars after a home invasion attack, worried about how he would feel when he got to you. it was enough to finally let the swell of tears saved up in his eyes fall.
“oh sweetheart,” he chokes out, realizing you’ve been trying to be brave for him this whole time, “what happened is not your fault, do you understand me? my job is to always worry about you and your safety. when garcia said the address i…i couldn’t even process it, i don’t even know how i got to the car,” he shook his head, “but i am the last person you need to push your emotions down for. i will always take them in stride and love you even more for that, okay?”
“okay,” you take a shaky breath, “i love you.”
“i love you.” he leans down to press a kiss to the crown of your head.
both of your heads look up at an approaching figure, who you quickly recognize to be ssa derek morgan. you knew spencer hadn’t told the team about you yet, so you tried to sit up independently as fast as you could before he came over and suspected something.
spencer’s grip didn’t let up when he bent down and whispered, “it’s okay, he knows.” you look up at him with wide eyes when derek finally reaches you.
“reid, i already talked to the detectives and we’re good to go when you’re ready,” he turns his body to you and gives you a comforting smile, “hi sweetheart, i’m derek morgan, it’s nice to meet you.”
spencer rolls his eyes at the nickname while you giggle softly, “hi derek, i’ve heard so much about you. it's nice to finally meet you too.”
“i wish it were under better circumstances,” he sighs, “listen, i know it’s all still really fresh for you, but it might help the case if you’re able to come in for a cognitive interview, or even talk to a sketch artist.”
spencer doesn’t miss a beat before protesting, “absolutely not. we can do it later, it’s fine.”
“reid-“
you look up at him placing your hand on his chest, “spence, it’s okay. i want to help, please.”
he rests his hand on top yours and gives it a light squeeze, “okay, but i’m not leaving you alone for a second.”
“i didn’t think you would.” you smile.
“alright lovebirds, you can have your private time later, we should go now.” derek teases.
spencer groans, “see this is why i didn’t say anything.”
“you think i’m bad? wait till penelope meets her.”
__
the three of you pile into the car before starting the drive to spencer’s apartment so he could get you a change of clothes and other things you might need. you end up falling asleep in the back seat, the final stage of your shock sinking in like a rock. spencer checks on you from the rear view mirror and sees you passed out, and smiles.
“she’s cute,” derek starts, “can i ask how long?”
“nine months.” he replies, fishing for something out of his pocket.
“pretty boy hid a girl from all of us for nine months? maybe we’re not as good profilers as we thought.”
“imagine that,” he laughs, and gestures to the item in his hand, “look.”
spencer’s holding out a well loved photo booth strip with three pictures, of you and spencer from the time you went to a local county fair. you’re sitting in his lap, mostly due to the cramped space and the expansive limbs. the first picture is the two of you holding up finger guns attempting to be as back to back as you can. the second picture, you intended it to be a normal one where you both smile at the camera, but spencer couldn’t take his eyes off you and the picture captured the love struck gaze he had on you. the last one you were about to tell him the idea for it, when he grabbed your face and pulled you closer to kiss you, neither of you knowing when the final picture snapped.
the edges were worn out and frayed, clearly broken down by the oils on his fingers from pulling it out frequently. it was his most treasured item, a constant reminder of what was always waiting for him when he got back from grueling cases, and how lucky he was to have you in his life.
“you look really happy, kid.” derek says, thinking about the many times he’s seen his friend at rock bottom, the things that have been so brutally taken from him, and the suffering he’s had at the hands of his job. his heart warms for his friend, who seemed to finally catch a break.
“i am.”
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