#plot the vast majority of the time but you need to read them anyways or Ill cry rly hard

[arolesbianism]

The amount of times I've started a new post and simply typed "Olivia Broussard" and then deleted it is frankly embarrassing I can't take this anymore can everyone I've ever met just start being obsessed with this sad divorced woman too

[edgeray]

Hi there!

I just finish to read the rules for Arlecchino request, and I saw no specific illness/disease, so I will try to make my situation for everyone:

I have horrible knee pain to the point I'm close to faint because of it sometimes.

But to put it more accessible to everyone what about that:

Reader hurt themself during a mission but it was an intern injury, they hide it but Arlecchino noticed how they start walking weird and many other sign.. until Reader faint from the pain? How will Arlecchino react and what would she do?

Sorry if it disobey the rules and for any grammar mistake since English is not my first language ^^ (and I'm writing this while it's 12 am where I'm from ;/ )

Thank you if you are making this request, if not I still thank you for reading it until the end :)

I Am Fine in Your Arms

(Arlecchino x GN! Reader)

A/N - Hi, there anon! If you choose to request anon again, give yourself a name/emoji 🫶! I really appreciate you pertaining to my rules; not only do I want to make my x Reader's accessible to as many people, but I also don't want to misrepresent anyone or their experiences with that illness/condition especially since I myself most likely won't have them, so thanks for the consideration. I'm assuming by ‘intern injury’ you mean ‘internal injury,’ so that's what I'm writing based off. You're not breaking any of my rules but your concern is appreciated! Don't worry about it though. Your English is good, especially since it's not your first language :). Little bit rushed because I am tired and ti's 12AM. Thank you for your request! Content warnings / info - reader goes by ‘mother’ but gn! reader, semi-graphic details about injury, this weirdly had actual plot for some reason, 1.5k words

Although the vast majority of your duties was primarily serving the House of the Hearth and the Fourth Harbinger, as a member of the Fatui, it was mandatory for the Fatui to ensure you still held loyalties to the Tsaritsa. Typically, proof of your fidelity was through completing the occasional reconnaissance mission assigned to you every couple of months though this time you were given a different type of operation: direct action, specifically, assassination. 

Assassination wasn't necessarily your forte, but it was doable. In a few weeks, you'd stop scrubbing your hands incessantly in hopes of washing away the stained blood, and you would stop receiving dreams painted in red. At least, with reconnaissance, blood and violence could be avoided. Why you were assigned this particular assassination mission when there were much more suitable candidates, you could only assume. You had an inkling it had to do with some of the other Harbingers’ grudges and suspicions of your husband, and perhaps the chink in the Knave's impenetrable armor  would be you. Failure in this mission could quickly spiral into considerable consequences for you and Arlecchino, regardless if the designation was influenced by more untrustworthy Harbingers, so you couldn't afford to fail this anyways–not with how high profile this target was. 

You return to the House of the Hearth, splatters of blood still visible on your appearance despite your best attempts of cleaning up. At your arrival, some of the children rush to greet you, only to pause as they take in your exhausated form. You give them a weak smile, bending down and extending your arms to accept their eager embraces.

“M-mother!” the children exclaim as they swarm around you, their curious and anxious minds surely brimming with many questions. You hadn't told any of the children where you've gone to for the past few days, believing that there was no need to stir up such worries when the mission was going expectedly. You were wrong, however; no mission like the one they had given you should have been done alone, and yet the only one you could depend on was yourself and your vision. It was undeniably a test for you, and you had only scraped by with your life and the mission's success. Now, all you wanted to do was collapse in bed and hibernate for several weeks, your head filled with a dense fog and senses dulling.  

“Mother, there's blood on–” Barely able to hear the statement, you shake your head, dismissing the little girl's distress. “Don't worry, dear… it's not mine.”

With some effort, you pull away from the children and you hobble your way towards the living commons, your bruised ribs impelling pained grunts from you. 

“Someone…” you pant, placing your hand over your forehead. Leaning against the nearest wall, you shut your eyes, breathing in deeply as an attempt to relieve the ache. “Someone go get your Father.” 

Multiple feet scurry away after your command, but the remaining children around you overwhelm you with their burning questions of what they can do to help, what did you need, whether or not you needed medicine, and much more that you couldn't bother processing.  Gently, you push past them, making your way to you and Arlecchino's shared bedroom. 

“I'm sorry, children, I just need to lay down in private for a little bit, okay? Then I promise that I will be up soon, and we can make cookies. How does that sound?” You say to them in an effort to quell their anxiety and it works for the younger children. The older ones, however, you can tell they still carry some distress but they nod along for your sake.

Such good children. 

You enter your bedroom and shut the door, immediately peeling away your clothes caked in blood, not even bothering to go into your adjacent bathroom. After chucking the articles in the direction of the laundry basket, you dig through the wardrobe for your much more prefered uniform, the one you wore as ‘Mother.’ By that time, the door clicks, and your husband enters.

Arlecchino wastes no time in appearing by your side, her blackened hands wrapped around your hips, and guiding you to sit on the edge of the bed. You hoped that you were able to hide your wince in time when she touched you. You know your husband far too well to know that, despite her stoic expression, she is just as worried for you, if not more, than your children. There's that small knit in her brows, and her lips are curled the slightest bit more. She had always been fiercely protective of you. 

“My love, there's blood–” she starts, but you cut her off with a chuckle. “I know, one of the children already pointed it out.”

Then, your tone hardens. There's no need to wait to let her know. “I need to tell you something.”

“You should rest.”

You shake your head. “This comes first, Arlecchino.” 

“You just came back.” 

“Peruere,” you enunciate, quickly silencing the Knave. “I am fine,” you assure her with a stern tone but fond eyes. You let out a defeated huff, resorting to wrapping your arms around her and leaning your head against her shoulder to ease her and to conceal your pained expression as your body protested the movement. 

Remaining in that position, you brief her on your mission and every single detail to it. From the process of researching and finding the opportune time to, to the actual execution of the assassinatin, which proved to be much more complicated and difficult than you were able to account for. This was due to the lack of information given to you once you were assigned. With the absence of partners and the omittance of crucial details, it is, undoubtedly, an attempt to sabotage you and cause you to fail. The two of you discussed what to do, going forward in cases like this, as well as potential suspects, their motives, and wouldbe gains. With each growing minute, Arlecchino held you tighter and you leaned in closer. 

After the conversation finished, your husband quietly held you, without uttering another sound, for around half-an-hour, the two of you indulging in one another's company. You pull away with a kiss to her forehead.

“I promised the kids I would make cookies with them. Would you like some?” 

Arlecchino knows better than to say no. She gives you a curt nod. You hum with acknowledgement to her answer, standing up from sitting on the bed. Almost instantaneously, the moment you stabilize yourself on your feet, your vision grows black and an abrupt throbbing comes to your head. You stumble forward, but catch yourself. 

“Love–”

“I'm fine. Just stood up too fast,” you gruff, staggering your way towards the door but the limp is far too obvious. You only make it a few steps before you stumble over again, nearly hitting the floor if it weren't for Arlecchino’s quick reflexes. Stabbing pain surrounds you, and paired with your fatigued state, you no longer have the energy to ignore the agony. She cradles you in her arms and you glance up at her. Your sight swims, and her appearance keeps distorting before you. Clinging onto consciousness seems to be a losing battle. 

“The cookies…”

“Forget about the cookies. You said you were fine,” Arlecchino scolded through gritted teeth, with some frustration and anger in her voice. Placing her arm underneath your back and underneath your legs, she carries you bridal-style, already rushing towards the medical bay. 

“Stay awake for me. Stay awake,” it is a harsh demand, but you know it is nothing more than a desperate plea. Your eyelids droop and you close your eyes.

Arlecchino lets out an expletive under her breath, quickening her pace as she barges into the room. The specialized doctor for the House of the Hearth is startled, but the Harbinger's intense glower tells the doctor all she needs to know. 

“Find out what is wrong with her, and fix it. Now,” the Harbinger orders, and the doctor goes into work immediately once your body is placed on the bed. 

The Knave soundlessly watches the doctor's each and every action, refusing to budge by your side. Although she knows that medical treatment is not her expertise, Arlecchino cannot help but critique her doctor in her thoughts. Not fast enough, not effective enough, not enough for her darling who could be experiencing unbearable pain now.

The doctor works until she assures the Harbinger that everything that could be done is, and that you will wake in the following morning. Arlecchino wordlessly thanks the doctor but her hand that clasps yours doesn't move for even one movement. Eventually, night falls. Climbing into the small bed, she tenderly wraps her arms around you, unable to be pulled apart from you until she knows your safety is guaranteed. Underneath her skin, seething rage boils for the coworkers who try to deprive her of her authority and power, but most of all, for causing you in this state.

The next morning, Arlecchino's eyes flutter open when she feels the warm body next to her stir. She awakens to your soft smile.

“I said I was fine, didn't I?” You greet her with a twinkle in your eyes. 

Arlecchino's heart swells.

[puuuders]

In Pursuit of Something Better ~ Part 5

Ghost fanfiction

Previous | Next

~

Aaauuugghh this one gets raunchy, it was inevitable. But it's all for the plot... Totally.

~

Terzo and the ghouls are on the Popestar tour, and Terzo has a plan to spread HIS message without Sister Imperator getting suspicious.

~

Read on AO3

2.5k words

Contains smut

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The first ritual took place in Rochester, New York, approximately three months after Terzo had ascended to papacy of 2016. That and the other completed concerts of the Popestar tour went phenomenal apart from a few bloopers, much to the surprise and not understood disappointment of Sister Imperator. She refused to attend, and even upon hearing of the success she brushed Terzo off, offering only vague ‘advice’ of “there will always be room for improvement”. There was already so much of that. There was more crowd interaction than ever before; especially during one of the newly written songs that Terzo and his adopted ghouls had produced, called “Cirice”. Terzo would kneel and snatch the hand of a lucky audience member, no matter the gender. His mismatched eyes and practically tangible lust stunned the soul had taken the hand of. To the naked eye, this was everything Sister Imperator wanted for the project: a firm leader with youth, stamina, and sexual charisma. 

However, this quickly implemented tradition of delving into the soul of a stranger was not as innocent as it seemed. The new Papa and the only quintessence ghoul had come to a somewhat reluctant agreement days after their first meeting. Alpha was right, there was absolutely nothing to lose. Omega did not trust Terzo necessarily, however he did not have much of a choice. He respected Terzo for the fact that he did hand over the truest power he had over the ghouls, the Grimoire, which is filled with sacred texts and spells that evidently rendered the ghouls powerless at any moment their papa decided. This book was used to abuse Omega and his pack less than a year ago by a more tyrannical leader. Secondo would essentially torture them, finding any excuse of ‘improper’ behavior to cbain them in the basement and perform painful spells. There was an incident where a former ghoul had been banished, the only ghoul to suffer such a fate. It was unclear whether or not this was on purpose or accidental. Now, the Grimoire was in Omega's possession, stored securely under the carpet in the closet of his dorm, with his dresser over top. 

The tradition, which was often referred to as “getting Ciriced”, went as such: before the show, Omega would latch on to Terzo's mind, and hold on to that connection until they performed the song. When Terzo would find a member, Omega would channel his quintessence through Papa, much more than his body could take, forcefully transferring it into the member and filling them with Terzo's thoughts instead of Omega's. Of course, this would not be a 100% efficiency rate. They still had free will. However, Terzo would be able to communicate with them telepathically with the spiritual connection, a much deeper level that his lyrics could not reach. That member would spread Terzo's own message, until it was apparent that the vast majority of the crowds were there for Terzo. 

The first time this happened, though, did not go as planned. 

“Your care for your dear Papa shows more than you would think,” Terzo chuckled, crossing his legs. “There is no need to worry.”

“I have done this many times!” Omega hissed, rubbing his forehead in frustration. “I did it to you before and you… know what it did.”

“Do you think I have no self control?” Terzo tilted his head. 

“You will lose all concept of self control, dumb fuck. That's what I'm trying to tell you.”

“Then I will cum in my pants.”

Omega's face flushed in embarrassment. 

“Are you serious?” 

Terzo shrugged, swiping dust off of his black pants. “My pants are not worth more than this. I have extras anyway! We will do it before intermission, I will cum in my pants, and then break time! Capire?”

Omega stared at him with his mouth slightly open, fangs poking out of his mouth. 

“You are disgusting.”

“It is settled. Now, do the thing!” 

Omega sighed. It did not feel normal to be responsible for Terzo's future release, but he indirectly owed it to him. He focused his gaze into Terzo's frightening eyes, slowly entering his consciousness. Terzo hummed, feeling parts of him tingle, uncrossing his legs to hide a certain thing between them.

Omega pretended not to notice. He blinked a few times, ensuring he had a tight grip on his mind, and sighed again in stress.

“This is your last chance,” Omega warned, “I am not kidding when I tell you you can't handle it.”

“You think I am weak? I have taken much more!”

Omega scoffed and stood up from his chair. 

“Yuck.”

Terzo felt something else other than disgust enter his mind at that moment. 

Terzo would be lying if he said he was not filled with a mix of his own and Omega's nerves as the strums of Cirice began. He had taken a quick run backstage to fix his hair while the ghouls played the introduction. He drew a deep breath, shaking his nervous hands like water was on them, and stuffed a cloth down his pants for better measure. He strutted back around stage at his que, singing softly, constantly tossing reassuring glaces at Omega. He could sense that his nerves were worse than his own, and he wouldn't even be the one ejaculating uncontrollably in front of hundreds if not thousands.

Terzo began searching the crowd. He might as well do it while staring into the eyes of someone he found attractive. His heart rate picked up, his hands under his gloves began to sweat. As he approached his devastating verse, Omega mercifully began pushing more and more quintessence into him, so that his brain would not break from the overflow. Finally, he spotted a lady with dark red hair and thick eyeliner, begging for his attention with her bright green eyes. He breathed sharply, the sound echoing into the microphone, and suddenly dropped to his knees, scooping her already waving hand into his own. 

Omega squeezed his eyes shut and grit his teeth, coursing every drop of quintessence in him through the smaller man. He cringed as he heard a squeak between words. He was shocked Terzo did not crumble into nothing but a groaning mess.

But that did not mean Terzo didn't cum instantly. 

Terzo squeezed her hand tightly, choking out his lyrics through wide eyes as he struggled to contain himself. It was like a never ending orgasm, feeling it in every inch of his body. He watched her eyes light up, feeling a mutual understanding of freedom. That the Clergy was no longer about world domination, but the returning of absolute free will. No more oppression, no filtering of thought and speech, no fear of being sacrificed. The light belonged to the people. 

He exhaled heavily, retracting his hand and pulling himself off of his quivering knees. The cloth did well in absorbing his substances as he looked down to check himself. He could not look at Omega, and Omega could not look at him until he finished the song, and the band returned backstage for a 20 minute intermission. 

Pebble snickered as he watched his struggling Papa stumble backstage, pushing his weight against the wall as he slid towards the dressing room. The quintessence was still in him, but much lighter. Delta glared as Omega rushed past him without any acknowledgement of his fellow ghouls, bumping into him with his shoulder and following behind Terzo.

“I think Terzo is getting Meg's dick now.” Pebble snickered. 

“No he isn't.” Alpha hissed, giving Pebble a look that screamed at him to shut up. Pebble obeyed, looking forward as they walked, feeling the tension emitting from Delta. 

“It is necessary.” Alpha spoke softly Delta. Delta didn't look at him, and continued to stare angrily at Omega as the two disappeared into the dressing room. 

“I know.”

“Imagine how I feel,” Alpha chuckled, “he hasn't fucked me in months.”

“I don't care about that!” Delta barked in an exasperated tone. “He is going to ruin everything.”

“What do you mean?” Alpha asked. They walked past the dressing room, hearing the click of the lock. Delta growled. 

“What do you think would happen if the Clergy found out about that?” 

“Omega would-”

“No, we ALL would get sent to the fucking Pit!” He hissed. They walked towards an exit where they stood outside, Delta lighting a cigarette to calm his nerves. 

“No,” Aero spoke calmly, usually being the most rational of the ghouls, “just Omega. It was only Earth that got killed.”

“But this is the second fucking time,” Delta's hand began to shake as he struggled to contain himself, “first it's Earth acting up, now Omega- the QUINTESSENCE ghoul! He is the best of the best and he is fucking Terzo, so what will Sister think of us?” 

“We don't know if Omega is having relations with Papa.” Aero stated. “If we don't know, how would Sister Imperator ever know? She never checks us.”

“Who knows, but it'll happen. Just like Earth.” Delta muttered the last part under his breath. 

“Earth was a dumbass,” Alpha scoffed, “he didn't even try to hide it. It was his fault anyway for being a masochist or something.”

Delta huffed a breath out of his nose in slight amusement. 

“Well, true.”

Terzo immediately dropped on to the vanity chair, breathing heavily and looking up at Omega with smudged makeup around his mouth and eyes. He was sweating and exhausted, much more than he usually was during intermissions. He shrugged his jacket off and unbuttoned his white shirt. 

Omega looked away respectfully, gradually lowering the quintessence as to not confuse Terzo's brain with the rapid changes of his body. Terzo huffed, and he let out a whine, holding his head up with his fist against the vanity table. His shirt was half unbuttoned and his body shook. 

“Are you alright?” Omega asked. Suddenly the quintessence began to drain faster. Terzo gripped the edge of the table. 

“I am sorry.” Terzo huffed. He began to drool. Omega listened, hearing the buckle of his belt.  “Do not look.”

“Do you need your new pants?” Omega whispered, moving towards Terzo's bag. 

“No.”

Omega froze. He continued to listen, now in horror as he heard Terzo grunt, an identifiable wet noise quietly moving. It was loud enough for the quintessence to transfer a silent message between them. 

“I can't help it.” Terzo whined in response. “I can't help it.”

Omega's heart was racing as he stood completely still, facing away from Terzo, listening to his noises. Terzo gasped as the quintessence pumped again through him. 

“Ghoul…” Terzo huffed, turning in his chair, clawing at the back of it. 

“Finish…” Omega whispered. “Hurry up.”

“Come here-”

“No.” Omega snapped. 

Terzo whined again and his hand flew back down, covering his mouth with his other and jerking wildly. He had no patience to beg for help at the moment, every fiber of his being focused on cumming again at his own will this time. Omega could feel his pleasure, practically torturing himself by continuing the flow of magic, but he could not bring himself to stop. It was in his nature to feed on other's lust, to encourage it. He dug his nails into his own thighs, gritting his teeth, trying his best to ignore his throbbing erection. He could not do this with his Papa. He could not do this with a human, he could not do this with-

Terzo let out a loud, almost agonizing whimper like an animal in heat, hiccuping his breaths that sent a shockwave through Omega. Omega suddenly clutched onto Terzo's mind, refusing to allow him to finish, and turned around at the same moment. 

“You-!” Terzo gasped as his eyes fluttered open to yell at Omega, only to find himself getting shoved to the ground. Omega tore his pants off with a growl, and then his own, looping his arms around Terzo's thighs that hung in the air. 

Terzo's mouth hung open, staring desperately, watching Omega's cock spring out and disappear behind his thighs at the same moment. He barely had any time to think, not that he could with the quintessence taking over every cell of his body, before Omega spat on himself and stroked. 

“We won't do this again,” Omega growled, his voice quivering. “Understand? Never again.”

“Dont say that when you are horny,” Terzo whimpered. “You may not mean it.”

“I mean it!” Omega pressed his tip against Terzo's entrance with force. Terzo gasped and spread his legs open further, one hand flying to grip the leg of the vanity table and his other stroking himself. He threw his head back, arching his hips as Omega pushed inside, moaning mindlessly. 

“Shut up!” Omega hissed, thrusting slowly at first. “Be quiet!”

Terzo continued to wail with a mix of “please” and “yes”. It was enough to turn Omega as brainless as him, thrusting sloppily and rough, his thumbs pressing painfully hard into the dips of Terzo's shaking and bouncing hips. 

Omega had never acted on a temptation so risky,  and he never thought he would, especially so aggressively. He drilled into Terzo with no regard to how small he was, or how he could hurt him. It was not because he didn't care, but because he was just as overwhelmed as Terzo was. Though the erotic look on his face told him everything he needed to know about how Terzo felt. It only made him fuck harder, delivering everything he had to turn Terzo into a mess. He began to question why he relented for so long. There was truly nothing for him to lose except himself. 

Terzo gripped Omega's arms as he held his breath. White streams of cum sputtered out of him, hitting his own stomach and Omega's chest that hovered over him. He left small scratch marks on Omega's arms, which, for some reason, drove Omega over the edge. He buried himself in, stopping his thrusts and threw his own head back, filling Terzo's warm ass up with his cum and feeling it drip out of him. He shut his eyes and remained in this position for a moment longer, listening to each other's labored breaths and Terzo's occasional whine. 

“Never again, mio roccia…” Terzo sighed. “I agree… Not again…”

Omega gently pulled himself out, watching the bump in Terzo's lower belly dissapear. That was erotic enough to sprout another half on, but he ignored it. Cum dropped out of the used hole, and Omega quickly sat up on his knees to grab a tissue from the vanity. It was not the best for the job, but it was enough to clean Terzo. He gently caressed his thigh as he did so, noticing Terzo's silence. He looked up at him. Terzo was watching, absolutely infatuated. 

“Ah… you did not have to clean me like that.” Terzo chuckled dryly. Omega furrowed his eyebrows and looked back down to finish. 

“I made the mess though.”

“It is my own body, and you are not my lover.” Terzo argued. 

“Anyone respectable would take care of you after.” Omega spoke with a slight harshness, not directed towards Terzo. Terzo went quiet again and Omega gently lowered his legs, throwing away the tissue and moving to get Terzo a new pair of pants. The ones he was wearing had been torn in half. 

“Thank you.” Terzo said sheepishly. Omega helped him up and gave him his pants. 

“We are not doing that again.” Omega repeated, looking sternly at him. “I will get killed if I get caught doing that with you.”

“Why would you die? Is it dangerous?” Terzo asked, concerned. 

“No. But if Sister found out-”

“Fuck Sister!” Terzo snapped, buttoning his pants. “She is old and useless! I am Papa. I tell you, fuck who you want! All you want.” Omega chuckled. 

“If only that was how it worked.”

“It will be how it works. When she and my father are gone, I will become Frater Imperator! And you will be afraid of me.” Terzo spoke triumphantly, his white eye glimmering with passion. 

“Not after what I just did to you.” Omega smirked. 

“Well… you won't be afraid- You'll- You'll be under my thumb!” Terzo corrected. He turned to look in the mirror, fixing his makeup to finish the show. 

“I suppose.” Omega brushed himself off and grabbed his guitar that he set up on the wall. “I better go.”

“Yes, go get food, water, whatever you need. Goodbye, my dear Omega.”

Omega gently shut the door behind him.

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 65 – System Collapse by Martha Wells

I’ve had this on preorder long enough to have entirely forgotten about it by the time I got the email that it’s available for pickup – but thanks to the magic of an extremely obliging local book store, I was still able to pick up and read the entire thing before it’s technically released. So score one for buying indie, I guess.

The book is set directly after Network Effect – directly directly, to the point where I needed to look up a plot summary to remind myself what the situation was – following our beloved rogue and rampant SecUnit, ART, and their assorted humans as they try to convince an abandoned and alien-contaminated colony’s inhabitants to trust them and accept evacuation with them (and also go along with the colonial charter they’re forging) rather than the indenture offers the corporate mission also on site are offering. Along the way there’s hacking, shuttle chases, gunfights, and plot-critical media curation.

Mostly though it’s about Murderbot having PTSD (on account of all the horrible trauma in Network Effect specifically, and also just its life generally) and absolutely zero idea how to cope. After a false memory/panic attack makes it crash out of nowhere it spends the majority of the book terrified that it’s going to crash or freeze up at some vital moment and get everyone killed, dealing with constant alien-related paranoia, and generally second-guessing itself and feeling useless and depressed. Absolutely no one around it has any idea how to deal with this, and their awkward attempts to be supporting are both endearing and entirely unhelpful.

Anyway, this is a Murderbot novel. Do you like Murderbot? Then you will like this. Do you not know the series? Then by god start with All Systems Red none of this will make any sense at all without context. Do you dislike murderbot? I mean hateread as you like but it is largely more of the same, don’t expect any series-saving twists for you.

It’s kind of absurd to call the series ‘cozy fantasy’ – by the end of the book SecUnit is down several extremities and bleeding out on the floor (as is traditional by this point) – but I feel like the series fills about the same emotional niche for me as like say Becky Chambers does for people with normal tolerances for low-tension sentimentality. The setting is a horrible dystopia and the plots are full of violence and trauma, but all that is more or less set dressing to stories that are actually about SecUnit making connections and deciding at a tortuously slow pace what sort of life it wants to have (usually several hours after commuting itself without thinking) while consistently running into the best possible friends and forming mutually affectionate relationships it absolutely did not want. It’s a story about fun, low-tension character dynamics, corporate kill teams aside.

I am being entirely sincere when I say the fact that SecUnit has no idea what it wants or what its doing is a selling point. In the same way, the fact that there’s never any real ~breakthrough~ or moment of sudden recovery is absolutely key to the book working. The story closes with it being hopeful and doing better but from any remotely reasonable baseline still being pretty far from ‘okay’ (in much the same way, it is utterly vital to the whole series that it has absolutely zero angst over ‘not being human’ or pinochle syndrome and only cares about ‘not being normal’ insofar as its had to work really hard on some automated scripts for walking and idle motions to pass as human while doing infiltration work).

Anyway, speaking of character dynamics – look, I’ve always been the first to roll my eyes when people complain about not being able to keep tracks or large casts. But every time I open one of these books, I realize I have only the vaguest idea who the vast majority of the (human) supporting cast is. Not really an issue with actually following the story, but I’m absolutely certain I’m missing out on some things.

The non-human supporting cast are great though. ART best spaceship, and I cared significantly more about the colony’s central control computer than any of the actual colonists. I’m like 70% sure this is intentional.

Stepping back, it’s interesting how the series’ setting has evolved over time. In All Systems Red the universe around SecUnit was incredibly broadly sketched, generic sci f playing with space opera and cyberpunk tropes it pretty much relied upon readers already being familiar with. This never exactly stops – especially for the aesthetics and technology, the book has a profound lack of interest in the specifics of what ‘projectile weapons’ look like or how spaceships work beyond the convenience of plot – but as the books go on the world definitely gets more specific and also broader. You can mostly blame ART for this, I think – there’s a definite shift in the tone of the setting when you introduce an institution like the University with power like it can throw around, and more generally make active resistance to and subversion to the corporate status quo a plausible and fruitful endeavour.

All this to say that there’s an offhand mention at one point about ‘intracorporate violence’ increasing and the system being increasingly unstable, and I’m curious what Wells is going to do with that going forward. Especially with the book’s final resolution and the status quo it sets up going forward.

Anyway like I said, it’s murderbot. This is the 7th book in the series. If you’re considering reading it you’ll probably love it.

[half-an-hour-hence]

Some random headcanons for the ghosts if they were alive today (part 2)

THOMAS

Is a self-published, fairly unsuccessful author, so he also works in a supermarket. Never ask him how he is when he’s on the checkout. He will go on for several minutes and will have a breakdown if you try to leave before he’s finished talking.

Thomas very proudly runs a Lord Byron hate account on Twitter, which has two followers (one is Pat because he felt sorry for him, and the other is his own personal account).

He is addicted to collecting vinyls. He spends the majority of the money he earns on records at both independent stores and HMV. It gets so bad sometimes that his younger sister has to lend him money to pay his bills.

Despite him having (almost) every dating app ever made on his phone, he’s remained painfully single for the vast majority of his life. However, he met a woman called Isabelle about a week ago and he’s convinced that she’s the one (they’ve spoken once)

JULIAN

He’s still an MP, and he DID have a heart attack, however the paramedics were able to resuscitate him. Now he’s slightly more bearable, and has been spending a lot more time with his wife and child. He still has the occasional fling and he isn’t exactly a saint in parliament, but Julian’ll tell you that improvement is a slow process.

He and Robin have a weekly chess competition on Sundays, during which they play as many games as possible before the football starts at 4:30pm (Julian loses every week).

He’s permanently banned from both Disneyland AND his local Waitrose (don’t ask)

Julian will prank anyone he associates with. He’ll turn up at the museum the Captain works at just to touch the things behind the ‘don’t touch’ signs. He changes the directions on Pat’s satnav when he’s taking the scouts out of town. He’ll write a sweary speech about the Opposition on Mary’s drawing (she’ll sell it anyway). He swears he’ll stop but he never will.

FANNY

Although she doesn’t need to work because she inherited a LOT of money from her parents, she works at the same university as Robin as a professor of mathematics. Her lectures are fairly boring and most students aren’t overly fond of her, however she’s very proud of herself for doing something she actually enjoys and proving her father wrong.

She likes to go on walks in the country with the Captain and her dog, Dante. James and Fanny are the most unlikely of friends, but they both find it easy to be their authentic selves around each other.

Fanny owns a kindle, on which she reads smutty novels without any sort of plot whatsoever. She enjoys reading them before bed, while snacking on a cheeky chocolate bar.

One of her hobbies is doing the family tree. After she discovered she had a distant relative called Alison, she hesitantly got in contact with her. Now she comes over frequently with her husband Mike. They have tea and make small talk. Although Fanny finds it hard to understand Alison’s generation, she is slowly warming up to her and is beginning to think of her as family.

[hana-bobo-finch]

It is time for the rambling I have been ominously foreshadowing!! Hyperfixation yapping under the cut, you have been warned!!! I’m really sorry for all this, once the floodgates are opened I’m never gonna be able to shut up

Yeah that’s right it’s time to expose everything. Let us begin with an exposition-filled history lesson! September 29th, 2017. Around 7 years ago now. On this day, the first pages of a pokemon fan comic were posted to tumblr, and to deviantart—keep this tucked away in the back of your mind, this will be somewhat important later on.

This comic followed not the canon of the games, but of the anime. And I hate the anime with a burning passion—well, pre-season 26 anyway, but that’s besides the point. This comic, however, focused much more heavily on team rocket and their backstories, sort of as a way to fill in the gaps and such that the show never explained, which is something I don’t hate thaaaat much (in fact such things are a huge inside joke between me and my friends) sooooo yea

Now DO NOT WORRY!! you have to know absolutely nothing about pokemon to understand what I’m about to start yapping about! In fact, I myself tend to actually forget it’s a pokemon fan comic, it’s become so much more to me. But we will get to that later on. Point is, it’s not important to know the ins and outs of the context behind the comic itself. All you need to do is bear with me as I attempt to explain everything and why I am so insane

Back to the comic though!!! It’s title is Roots!!! Hence the weird-ass bug fables dialogue I posted to foreshadow all this. heehehehee yeeeees roots my beloved. It was all posted on a now-deactivated tumblr account (again, keep this tucked away in the back of your head) and was posted from, as I said previously, September 29th, 2017, to December 15th, 2018, spanning 167 pages. It was relatively popular at the time I think? It’s bit hard to say but it peaked at around 400-500 notes at the highest and averaged around 75 notes per update—at least on tumblr, I can’t speak to how popular it was on deviantart

ANYWAY the actual story or quality of the comic isn’t really important to this rambling. I mean yeah I have some VERY strong opinions on it, both good and bad (THERE IS ONE CHARACTER WHO I WOULD KILL. I WOULD CURB STOMP HER SHE MAKES ME SO ANGRY SHE MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY AND SHE’S WRITTEN SO TERRIBLY. SHE’S NOT THAT BAD IN CANON I THINK BUT IN ROOTS I WOULD SLAP HER. I WOULD SLAP HER SO MUCH. I LIKE CHARACTERS WHO WERE MEANT TO BE TOTAL ASSHOLES MORE THAN HER), and if I could make a 100 page essay digging into every last detail of it, down to the most minuscule details that do not matter in the slightest, I would, but that’s not really what this is about. It’s not necessary to explain the plot, and. Um. Admittedly, despite roots being my number one top hyperfixation for almost a year now I doooooonnnn’tttt really know how well I understand the plot. THERE IS A REASONABLE EXPLANATION THERE IS A REASONABLE EXPLANATION, I READ A LOT OF IT OUT OF ORDER AND WAS MISSING A LOTTA IMPORTANT CONTEXT WITHOUT REALIZING IT!! I AM NOT A FAKE FAN IM JUST STUPID BUT UH point is it’s not really important. What is important, above all else, are the characters!!!

Being a fan-comic, a vast majority of the characters are preexisting characters from canon. And therefore a lotta the characters I’m not all too attached to. There are, however, a couple of original characters thrown into the mix to either fill in gaps or to move the story along. And I love them. Like actually love them so much. Frankly they’re my favorite part of it they are SO funny and perfect and yeah. I will immediately forgive any shortcomings in the story itself when I remember that THE CHARACTERS EXIST, OOOOOOO I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUUUUUCHHHUHhh. I want to yap about them all so much but I don’t have the time actually no screw it I am unable to stop talking, I swear I’ll make this quick tho

ok ok ok comin in at number 3 is my girl belle. she does nothing. seriously she is just there as a plot device and then she immediately disappears but I love her. she is constantly apathetic and pissed off at everyone and is just there for easy money. she is a mood. She’s also a horrible fucking person, so that’s an automatic plus in my eyes. what a queen (SHE’S NOT A QUEEN SHE IS ACTUALLY SO HORRIBLE) (ACTUALLY NO I’M DOUBLING DOWN. WHAT A QUEEN)

comin in at number 2 is KURT!!! uhhhhhhhhhh dude I dunno lmao I just think he’s neat he’s a pathetic creature and everyone is so mean to him for no reason. he was the target of ABLEIST HARASSMENT from the WORST CHARACTER. kurt deserves the world. he wears suspenders! And, surprisingly, he is Not A Horrible Person. most of my favorite characters are (yall should know this by now, my pfp is Louie) so he is unique in that regard

comin in at number one is of course the man the myth the legend pumpkin daddy. That is not his real name but that leads us to the next point. I will GET TO HIM LATER even if just briefly, he deserves his own paragraph because pumpkin daddy was the start of this all as you will now see:

Fast forward in time to July 15th, 2022. At the time had no idea that this comic existed, which makes sense. I’ve never been a huge fanfic reader nor did I have a tumblr account then, so really I had no way of knowing of its existence. But that would soon change!!! It was the last day of vacation, and instead of taking full advantage and enjoying the last remaining day I had, I was instead doing who knows what. Nah really I dunno what I was doing. Clearly I was doing…something, probably falling down some rabbit hole of random content, because I ended up stumbling across, you guessed it, Roots. Now, as I mentioned before, the original poster’s account was deactivated—same with their deviantart. Buuuuut thankfully with the way tumblr works, reblogs of posts still exist even when the original poster deactivates. So even though it was almost completely wiped, the reblogs remained. And so on that fateful day, I stumbled upon a reblog of this comic. One specific page to be exact. Just one very out of context page. And admittedly I thought nothing of it. Yeah I didn’t have some grand fascination or anything when I first stumbled across it I just saw it and thought “huh ok” and moved on. There was however one small detail that caught my attention. It only caught my attention for like a second but it was long enough to be ingrained into my memory. And for my little peanut sized monkey brain to manage to find it funny

As you will remember from what I wrote previously, while most of the characters were preexisting characters from canon, ones I could recognize easily, there was one character in this specific page I was looking at that I did Not Recognize because he was one of the original characters made to fill gaps in the plot! More specifically it was the back of his head! And nothing else! So I had no clue who this fella was! But what I DID know his that he looked like a DAMN PUMPKIN!!!!!

AHAHAHAH SEE!!!! HE LOOKS LIKE A PUMPKIN !!! SORTA!!! and I found that funny so I dubbed this mysterious figure “pumpkin daddy.” And then I stopped caring about it all immediately after. I mean sure I would occasionally remember pumpkin daddy and giggle a bit at the weird-ass pumpkin lookin’ guy, in fact I developed some lore in my head for the guy, but I couldn’t care less about the actual context behind all of it.

Fast forward once again to August of last year, 2023. By that point I’d read some fanfic, mostly to try to find the weirdest and most obscure i could, as I found those sort of fics incredibly fun (hell, me and my brother still reference some of them sometimes). looking back it’s unsurprising im such a sucker for writing crack/joke fics but anYWAY that’s useless exposition, what I’m getting at is that I absolutely adore obscure fanfics. they’re so awesome SO back to what I was saying, in August last year, I remembered pumpkin daddy’s existence. And I had the sudden thought, what the hell is up with pumpkin daddy anyway? So I figured, eh, what the heck, I’ll read the full tale of pumpkin daddy, sounds fun. Maybe I can find out the actual context behind that weird-ass pumpkin guy.

At the time I didn’t know the actual name of Roots, again I saw only a second of it and the only thing that stuck was the, as I called it verbatim, “weird pumpkin daddy” so I nicknamed it “pumpkin daddy’s book club.” I decided I would read it in October because eh, you know, pumpkins, spooky, Halloween, whatever. And so it was settled, I would find the actual comic behind this weird pumpkin daddy, and come October, I would read it. I thought nothing of it. I thought it’d take me what, a week tops, to read it all?

I was incredibly wrong in that assessment! Spoiler alert, it has been almost a full year since I started reading Roots, and I’m still not fully finished with it! You will understand why it has taken so long shortly.

So!!! I eventually combed through old tumblr blogs for hours so I could scrape up all of the pages through reblogs. It was torturous but I did manage to get all the pages of it. At least I thought so!!! I must interrupt this riveting story to mention that I was, unfortunately, mistaken in the assumption that the pages were all there. I was positive I had gotten all the pages, but what I didn’t realize at the time was that I DID NOT!!! I most definitely did not, and it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize I was wrong. If you’ll think back, I mentioned before that Roots wasn’t just posted on tumblr, but also on deviantart. A completely dead deviantart account, no archives that I could find, nothing. That comes into play because I didn’t realize at the time that, in reality, not all of the pages were posted to tumblr. There were quite a few pages that were only on deviantart for whatever reason. The deviantart was linked in the tumblr posts, but it all lead to a dead end. I didn’t realize this for, like I said, an awfully long time, especially considering just how much of an expert I touted myself (and still tout myself but perhaps this time with more merit) to be on Roots. The thing is I was desperate not to spoil anything while finding the pages initially, I was spending hours copying and pasting them into a document, I wasn’t paying attention to see if any of the posts said “the rest of this chapter is on deviantart.” How I never realized there were gaps in the story…? Chalk it up to naivety, or more accurately stupidity, I just thought it was bad writing. Oh, this plot point was never explained? How weird. Yeah it was explained actually genius!! Looking back my logic makes zero sense but eh you live and you learn. But essentially, there were quite a few pages that were, thanks to only being posted to the now-dead deviantart, completely lost media!!! Yippee!!! I will get back to this point later, but for now:

October 3rd 2023, I started reading Roots, and I’ll be honest I expected it to be absolutely horrible!! I was NOT optimistic because from the little I knew about it, it did NOT seem like my kind of story!!! Spoiler alert though, I was wrong!!! Very wrong!!! I immediately had a grand old time reading it and I spent like the next hour or two reading and analyzing the first couple pages. Like REALLY analyzing them down to the smallest of details.

And this is where an important cutoff happens, probably the most important part of all of this in fact, so pay attention!!! Aaaaa the difference between pumpkin daddy’s book club—or as I’d begun to abbreviate it, PDBC—and Roots.

What’s the difference, you may be wondering, they both refer to the same comic, don’t they? Technically that’s true but to try to explain it the best I can, PDBC was “my version,” while roots was the “actual version.” So what the hell does that mean? The prime example of that concept is pumpkin daddy himself—obviously that’s not his real name. He’s not a pumpkin. Nothing of what I assigned to “pumpkin daddy” was true of the actual character. But he was technically still that original character, just twisted beyond belief until he’s something totally different. So, essentially, pumpkin daddy was “my version” of the actual character. Get it? Probably not, but pretend you do and now picture that on a much wider scale. Everything in roots I had my own version of, the “PDBC version.” Every place, character, every slightest detail I would take and change until it was something completely different. Yall remember the briar zome? I was talking about it the other day. You probably will not be surprised the learn that there is nothing of the sort, no weird eyeball creatures, in roots. That is a pumpkin daddy thing.

I. Uh. tried to make a visual example but I think I just made it more confusing

So like. PDBC is just a horribly misshapen version of roots. technically they’re the same thing but at the same time they’re so different by a certain point that they’re not, you know? I’m not making sense lmao UH BUT YEAH it’s like. That. Tldr:

Roots and PDBC are NOT the same thing, Roots is the actual comic while PDBC is my goofy nonsense loosely based on it. When I say roots I am strictly talking about the actual comic, when I say PDBC I am strictly talking about. Well. PDBC.

Understood? Probably not!!! But screw it yall think I came here to make sense?? I’m here to just talk about things NOBODY cares about!!! YAYYYYY

So, this lasted for months. I’d read a page or two when I got the chance (you must understand I was not just READING it I was STUDYING it. Every last word and brush stroke. This is not a hobby this is a LIFESTYLE) and whilst doing so I’d use that time to develop my own version—which eventually became so different and so fun to write that I genuinely considered changing some aspects and working it into my own story. Which I probably could’ve, really—by the second month, my version was so vastly different that I sometimes forgot that things that happened in my version Did Not Happen in the actual story. Buuuut the problem was, the characters. While everything else could be, and had been, changed in my version, those original characters created for the fic were so integral to my version that even just changing their name would ruin it. And if there’s one thing I cannot do for the life of me, it’s take something that’s not mine as my own. Even if it’s just random-ass characters from a fic from 7 years ago. So I dropped the idea. Pumpkin daddy’s book club would never really come to fruition.

And I will INTERRUPT before we get to the next part of this in order to go on a tirade how much this damn comic means to me ok??? ok!!! I do not think simply going over the basic timeline of how I stumbled across Roots does it justice, I really gotta get into how much it truly means to me. This is not just a random thing I did a deep dive into this is a HYPERFIXATION. It means the WORLD to me yall have no idea. Spending the day outside reading it while simultaneously making my own story was (and still is) my favorite thing to do, like ever. And tbh at a certain point just how much happiness it brings me overrides any sense of embarrassment that this obscure comic of all things is my number one favorite thing ever. I love roots so much ok ok I mean ok listen first of all it got me out of the constant loop of being afraid of being perceived as “cringe.” At a certain point I was having too much fun writing fanfic of a fanfic and I just totally let go of any kind of internalized judgement for doing what I find fun and that was SO FREEING!!! I won’t even say that I am cringe but I am free because I’m NOT CRINGE, I’m just free!!! There is no such thing as cringe and this comic helped me realize this, because I avoided any fanfic like the plague for the longest time but then there I was having the time of my life reading one with zero regrets. Is it always perfect? no. are there parts I don’t like? yeah (COUGH COUGH THE ROMANTIC SUBPLOTS BUT THATS JUST BC I’M AROMANTIC (ALSO THAT ONE CHARACTER BUT SHE MIGHT BE REDEEMABLE I DONT KNOW BUT I ALREADY AM TOO PISSED AT HER TO EVER CARE IF I WAS MISSING IMPORTANT CONTEXT BEFOREHAND). But is it my favorite thing ever and I love it with all my heart and I always will? YEAH!!! I LOVE ROOTS/PDBC YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! it also got me back into making comics because I actually stopped genuinely working on any for a long time because I was so caught up in perfectionism and fear of being genuine in my work. But roots cured that fear of mine too!!! And now I love making comics again!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Insanity over back to what I was saying. This lasted until March of this year. Why it took so long, I ended up spending more time developing my own story than reading the actual one. Yeah uh. My version, PDBC, is a heck of a lot longer and more complicated than Roots itself at this point (theres this one whole-ass time/interdimensional theory I had to come up with just so I could make a canon explanation for a joke that I wanted to make that wouldn’t otherwise make logical sense, it is safe to say that PDBC has strayed very far from its, pardon my pun, roots) Anywaayyyyys going back to December, that’s when I realized I was missing pages—about 25 (ermm actually I found out the last 7 were missing in December, I realized a whole bunch of others were missing in early May) Obviously I was pissed off that I had spent so much time trying to gather all of it up only to realize I was missing so much of it but I gave up even attempting to find them pretty quickly.

A couple months later though, in March, I thought back to those pages. I realized just how much of roots was still a total mystery to me. The author disappeared from the internet, it seemed nobody cared to ever find those pages that were lost media—there was one Reddit thread acknowledging their existence but I don’t believe anyone ever took the time to actually find the missing pages, and if they did they didn’t archive them, at least not that I’m aware of. Could be wrong on that—and in general it was just…fascinating to me. So, with no more pages to read, I set out to uncover what the hell was up with roots, and above all else, perhaps find the missing pages (though I wasn’t very optimistic about that. like. At all. I was convinced it completely impossible)

Thankfully I had a couple of ideas on where to start. There were a couple tumblr accounts tagged in the final chapter of roots credited as helping in some way. A lot either inactive or completely deactivated, but it was a start.. I was determined above all else to get those final pages, if not just any sort of information on roots as a whole. I wasn’t particularly interested in finding the author—I mean, I think digging that deep into someone who I knew nothing about was creepy at best, so I didn’t bother looking into that.

I started with someone who would definitely be my best help. They had all the pages, at least did at a time. I knew that for a fact. But alas my luck was already out, as they were completely inactive, and had been for years. I sent a message nonetheless but I of course never got a response.

My next attempt was a bit more successful. The next person I asked responded, but they didn’t know anything. I stopped trying for a few weeks due to just general life stuff going on, I really didn’t have the energy to worry about all that. And frankly I had just given up, it all seemed pretty impossible. But I eventually pulled myself together and vowed to keep trying.

So I sent off three more messages to people who might have information. One of them never responded (once again, that account was mostly inactive), two of them did. The first to respond didn’t have the pages—they echoed my sentiment of the pages being seemingly lost to time. They did, however, point me towards the original author’s instagram.

I will not pretend that I was normal about this at all!!! I was freaking tf out, I’ll be honest. Half out of excitement that I could actually figure something out, half out of OH FUCK OH FUCK I DONT WANT TO BOTHER THIS PERSON TO ASK ABOUT SOME COMIC FROM 7 YEARS AGO OH NO NO

I did eventually calm down enough to think rationally and despite my crushing anxiety I decided that I’d worked too hard to give up the second I had an actual lead. I spent the next couple days preparing myself mentally—and reading the author’s current work, which is actually REALLY really good like dang I immediately became invested in it—and I eventually sent off a message. A message filled with barely disguised fangirling and incessant apologizing for being annoying but uh. It was a message! And wouldn’t you know it by some miracle I got a response back

NOOOW aside from the basic art and writing advice they gave me and other such words of wisdom that I will forever cherish, the most important things that happened during that correspondence was that, for whatever reason, the original creator gave me full permission to do whatever I wanted with the characters they made for roots. This came totally out of left field, I didn’t think I implied in the slightest that I desperately wanted full ownership of their characters (though deep down I did) and yet when I mentioned how much I liked the characters they were just like “oh yeah you can use them, do whatever you want with them theyre all yours.” I was BEYOND ecstatic (putting it mildly, I nearly broke my headphones when I read the message because I tripped and dropped them into a deep mud puddle out of shock lmao). The only thing that was stopping me from writing my version in full was that I couldn’t change the characters, and in an instant, without even asking, I got full permission to do whatever I wanted. With their full support, too, they were glad that someone was giving their old characters a fresh start. Which is completely insane to me??? But I’m not complaining I am incredibly happy about it to this day and I am the proud “owner” of these silly little characters and I can do whatever I want with them heehehehoohoo I have infinite power

But back to the main point, they did send me all of the missing pages. There were 25 I believe. And so finally, after months of trying, I had gotten all of the pages. They all are in one file so now I don’t have to scroll for hours through defunct tumblr blogs to scrounge them all up. And look I know it’s such a small thing and really nobody cares about it but I am SO PROUD of myself for finding the lost pages, I love lost media stories so much and it is SO cool to me that I managed to find some lost media, even if it was only partially lost and nobody else was looking for it. It’s cool to ME and that’s all that matters, this is my crowning achievement in life. At least I think I’m the only one who ever cared enough to find them, you never know. I don’t actually know if anyone is looking for the lost pages actually, I feel like it’s all been pretty forgotten about which is a shame. But nevertheless if somehow someone out there is ever looking for the entirety of Roots, then I will be hailed as a lost media HERO and I will be expecting a 5 hour youtube documentary with spooky music in the background in my honor. The whole process of finding the lost pages was a lot more complicated than that, but I’m talking enough already, you do noooot need to hear about the real big steaks, shrek 2, the pikmin 2 boss intro theme, all that good stuff.

So! Pikmin!!! yup this actually ties into pikmin stuff. During the time I was trying to get the missing pages, I passed the time by playing pikmin!!! That’s actually how I got into pikmin, I probably wouldn’t have played it otherwise. So without roots I would not be the pikmin-obsessed fool I am today. And therefore I wouldn’t even have this blog. Which, fun fact, I also started solely to pass the time while waiting to find the pages! There’s some more lore behind this blog heehehehehehe. Pumpkin daddy. His name is not actually pumpkin daddy. Obviously. His actual name is Finch!!! Woah!!! sounds familiar doesn’t it??? Wonder where you’ve heard that before!!!

This blogs mere existence, not just my posts to it, is actually thanks to roots as well. Yeeees it’s Hana bobo finch lore time!! I believe I’ve mentioned in the past that this blog’s name is based on a dream I had—and if I didn’t well, yeah, this blog’s name is based on a dream I had. To be more specific, this blog’s grand origin story is that back in December I dreamt that there was a conspiracy theory called the “Hana bobo finch” conspiracy. I remember nothing more about it except for the name and that, in my dream, there was a huge online discussion on this conspiracy. And so, finding the dream to be funny, I recreated what one of the conspiracy pages in my dream looked like to the best of my abilities. And I actually

I have a screenshot of it from the time so here it is

yyyup this was this here blog right after its creation. Don’t ask about the spider monkey pfp that’s a long story and this is long enough already. I still haven’t remembered what the Hana bobo finch conspiracy actually meant in my dream. Maybe the real conspiracy was the friends we made along the way

Also as I said before pumpkin daddy is my favorite character and holy crap could I go into a whole new rant about pumpkin daddy aka finch but I will spare you. You will be thankful that I am sparing you he is SO funny like he’s my favorite character ever he’s such an asshole LMAO he sucks so bad and he’s so funny for no reason I just oughhh yall got no idea you all have no idea ooooooo he is such a terrible person but he does it in the funniest way possible and I truly just can not explain any of it. I believe the best way I can summarize him without making this more confusing than it already is, is that while talking with the author I made them a comic where ol’ pumpkin daddy aka finch gets so fucking mad that nobody wants to come to his cookouts because his cooking sucks that he plans to (assumedly) kill everyone, and the author themself said it was remarkably in character. so. do with that what you will FINCH MY BELOVED OOOUGHHHH. FFINCG UUGHH LOVE HIM

So what’s the point in this entire rant? It is quite simple:

1: I really want to yap

2: I will moooooost likely be yapping abt PDBC soon cause I love it w aaaaall my heart, but it’s real hard to explain it without thousands of words of the backstory to it. soooo yup, here is the backstory. You may or may not be bombarded with PDBC stuff soon. We will see if I have the guts to do so but I’ve already posted abt some of my ocs so…why not post about everything? (OMINOUS) (THIS IS A WARNING) (IT WAS A BAD IDEA TO ENCOURAGE ME I’M ABOUT TO NEVER STOP TALKING)

n e wayz here’s the FUNNIEST FUCKING PANEL from all 167 pages of Roots (and fun fact, one of the ones that was almost lost media! Can’t believe this masterpiece almost was lost to time smh

HE’S SIZZLING SOMEONE GET HIM DOWN‼️

AHAHAHA YEAHhhhhHHHH THAT RIGHT THERE IS PUMPKIN DADDY UP THERE EHEHEHEHEH don’t let him down he’s a menace to society

I love this comic so fuckin much I have so much fun reading it and it inspired me to make my own goofy little comics and stuff (UNSURPRISINGLY IT INSPIRED ME TO MAKE HORN STROBE) and it is so funny I quote it so much you have no idea (UNSURPRISINGLY I HAVE QUOTED IT ONCE IN HORN STROBE) and ooooughh guys. Guys this is what you are signing up for when you are my mutual. This is what you have to put up with. I have so much more I could say but I am actively restraining myself because I realize that nobody wants to read 4.5k+ words of this nonsense (tho if you have reached this point you already have, congratulations). though I will still in the future yap about PDBC because I have not spent the past almost full year now making some stupid little story just for me to not yap about it in any way, alright? I can do whatever I want with the characters I’m not gonna squander this opportunity oooooooooouyghhn guys please ask me about this stuff I need to talk I need to talk I need to talk guys at least pretend to care so I can talk just a little bit I need to be insane on main guys please. GUYS PLEASE. roots my beloved roots my beloved roots my beloved I’m probably not making sense roots my beloved I love roots so much

[chaptersonetoinfinity]

For the ask game, how about 2, 6, 12, 15, 23, 27, 31, 33 and 47? Sorry that it's a lot of numbers^^'

Fanfic Couples*/Relationships Ask Game

HELLO VIL! :D

NEVER BE SORRY about asking a lot of numbers because I will go on (and on and on) and I’ll be very pleased about it all. And well, since Scarlet Cross is my first Black Clover series, I might be pulling some answers from my past fics for Sense8 and The Magicians. 

But don’t worry, you don’t need to know those to enjoy the sheer chaos of my answers. And I’ll put most of this post under a cut line for those who prefers to scroll through the Sas ramble!

(Sas from the future is coming back here to say: thanks for the ask! This was so fun!)

2 Of the ones you've written, what's your slowest slowburn? How slow is it?

My slowest of slowburns will have to be my very first fic, Veracity, for the Sense8 fandom. It was a 330k behemoth of a fic, during which one couple met in chapter 1, and had a kiss in chapter 38 (a one-sided one, where the Dani gave Felix a kiss at the airport and then winked and said “byeeeee” and left him questioning his life), and finally had a fully-reciprocated, legit kiss—in chapter 40, while fireworks were going off because this was New Year’s Eve! Needless to say, it was a long wait. And so many of their friends stepped in to nudge them together.

To quote one of my favorite comments of all time (a very unique format of commenting where @kinoglowworm and my tumblr mom @gear65 chatted with each other while they read my last chapter at the same time, then copy pasted the chat log as a comment so I got their “live reaction”): 

gear65: UGHHHH The slow burn Kino: The teamwork this has required as much patience and coordination as breaking into bpo did

(For context, “breaking into BPO” was literally the main conflict/major climax of the whole fic. I resolved THAT like, 3 chapters before I resolved this ship, and I’m not sorry.

6 Have you ever started to write a relationship and had it develop differently than you expected? How so?

My brain doesn’t really plan in a chronological manner, so I don’t often find this happening, because I can “envision” the end goal pretty early on before my mind takes me back to “how it begins” and I’ll just build the path that gets them to said end goal.

That said, for Black Clover, I did once plan a canon divergence AU from the Spade Arc onward, but I ended up with a lot of worldbuilding and not a lot of plot. So while I technically didn’t start writing them, I certainly had different plans for how Astelle will unfold in that fic. But while I was stuck, I got the idea for a genderbend universe, and I rolled with the punches.

Now my “Astelle” is a sweet little F/F ship (same energy as Regular Astelle except gay!). I suppose this counts in some ways, because I’m adapting a vast majority of my worldbuilding from the fic-that-never was into this Scarlet Cross AU. But even if Noelle and Talia have the same core personalities as they do in canon, their dynamic does change as a result of girl!Asta being a different gender, because the gender changes also trigger some butterfly effects in this AU with long-lasting consequences!

12 [Couple] has just found an interdimensional portal, and one of them just walked in! Does the other go after them?

Hmm. To see their counterparts in other AU-verses (like, the OCs in my world visiting your world and their counterparts in there?) Or to explore other worlds? Anyway, the answer is definitely yes, for all the pairings that I ship in all my fandoms (including the OCs), just to make sure they actually get their person BACK at the end of the day, ha! 

But the ones with more brain cells like Yuno will tie a rope to his waist and nail the rope to his own world first, or something, if the portal doesn’t shut itself and will stay open. That way Yuno can find his way back (and drag back his Cyrus, who had definitely wandered in because he smelled some plants that their world didn’t have, so he MUST get a sample).

15 Are there any relationship dynamics/tropes you would never write?

I’m open to nearly everything! Dynamic-wise I’ve done it all, M/F, F/F, M/M, even trios (Penny/Kady/Julia from The Magicians). And same for non-romantic dynamics: love a good friendship/found family/mentor and mentee type of bond. But I’m also down for family drama and the less wholesome side of those & tags on AO3. (Silva Family Drama = yesssss, bring it on.) Trope-wise, I tend to prefer serendipitous tropes, like chance encounters that unfold into unexpected relationships (Zora & Cyrus’ friendship or Mereo & Talia+Yuno in Scarlet Cross, for example). 

Which means I’m not likely to write a Soulmate AU. Ha, I finally answered the question! I’d have a hard time describing an “inexplicable pull” towards someone, because the ships in my setups tend to come across as very accidental (both romantic and platonic ones). So! I’m leaving Soulmate AUs to the authors out there who can pull them off (@f-oighear comes to mind because her AU is such a fandom classic at this point, but I know you and @kalolasfantasyworld got some soulmate AUs too, right?) while I lurk in my own little corner of chaos and “happy accidents” (as Bob Ross would say). 

23 Do you think you idealize relationships in fiction, or are your depictions grounded in reality? How often do your characters make mistakes?

My characters make nearly as many mistakes as I do! …But in different ways than I do. Some put their foot in their mouth and some will dig their little hole of denial and bury themselves there until their loved ones bring out a proverbial shovel to help dig them out. And some will be so clueless until the truth hits them in the face like a rake that they step on during a comedy skit. Some do all of the above. Heh. 

I’m also a big fan of multiple third-person POVs where I get inside the character’s head and show all the biases in their thinking, so my style makes the characters sound even less perfect. Because my poor characters can’t keep their thoughts private when this annoying author is around, exposing exactly how much they don’t understand (or how secretly or openly mean they are)! I’m spilling all the tea, like how Noelle has zero tact both her head and out loud, and Talia ditches her train of thought halfway when it becomes “too much thinking” and she’s confused. So on and so forth. 

27 Do you have any characters who are hopeless romantics? How do they interact with the story?

Surprisingly, Talia is the most “hopeless romantic” one to me in my current WIP! She’s romantically dense and oblivious like canon Asta, but she’s very loud and clear about wanting to marry Sister Lily. And she fantasizes about riding back to Hage on a white horse and a billowing cloak and all that romantic jazz. Except, unlike canon!Asta, Talia stops proposing out loud after a while (and hell, we’re all thankful for that). 

Since I’m pairing Talia up with Noelle, that means Talia will come to realize that how she feels about Sister Lily is different from how she feels about Noelle. And how she feels about Noelle is different from how she feels about other friends she’ll make, like Leopold or Cyrus. So eventually Talia will become less hopeless and more straight-up romantic (but never STRAIGHT! ha, sapphic pun). 

But Noelia will off as friends. Here, Talia will be Noelle’s first “girl her age who’s a friend” instead of Kahono. So Talia has a more “organic” attraction to Noelle that grows over time the more they bond, and that helps her get clarity on what real romance feels like, and how “hopeless romanticism” differs from real feelings she’s come to have for someone she’s truly compatible with. Eventually. Maybe. We can only hope. (They will, but they’ll take a WHILE, and that’s why we need wholesome Yuno and Cyrus being wholesome in the meantime in comparison, right?!)

31 Are there any songs that remind you of [couple]? Are there any songs that remind them of each other?

I admittedly don’t listen to a lot of music (GASP! I KNOW!) because I’m the type of writer who gets 100% distracted if I try to listen to anything with lyrics while I write. That said, occasionally I’ll check out a song and the lyrics will give me the right vibes.

So I can’t think of any songs that remind a couple of each other, for the second half of the question. But! For the first half! When I was writing for The Magicians fandom, the song Bad Liar by Imagine Dragons reminded me of the storyline I had for Margo x Fen in my AU titled Come See About Me. 

Context from that fic: Margo had a really rough few years, romantically and otherwise, before she traveled to a different world and met Fen in a small village in the middle of the woods. At the start, Margo had a really low opinion of herself (due to her past) and believes she ruins the lives of anyone who is kind to her. But as her relationship develops with Fen, Margo finds the courage to try and be better (and not make the mistakes she once made with her ex-girlfriend Alice). And she also learns to forgive herself. So the lyrics from Bad Liar give me that vibe.

If you’re curious about the specifics, the last few paragraphs of chapter 23 exemplify this song the most for me! Just start with the line that says “I don’t know.” Fen sighs. “But I never want this to end.”

33 Are there any canon romantic couples, in any media, that you just can't stand?

I do see a lot of “forced” romantic couples in popular media, especially M/F ships! I can’t think of specific ships that I actively dislike (I’m sure I’ve had some in the past, but the names have slipped my mind). So I don’t have any big NoTPs for now, but a lot of ships I see aren’t convincing to me so they’re just “meh”, because it feels too obvious that the writers are *trying* to make them “a thing”. Maybe being a writer myself plays into that in some way, like “oh I see what they’re going for, but meh, I’d have set it up differently”. 

47 What's the most self-indulgent relationship you've written? Are there any particular moments/scenes that you wrote just for you?

I would say the most self-indulgent ship I have in the works is Icarus (Yuno/Cyrus) from Scarlet Cross. I can’t even “see” regular Yunosa in canon given how little screentime they’ve spent together (and Mimosa’s crush on Asta to boot!). But Yunosa fanart? Absolutely adorable. And I love a height difference and a “stoic one falls for the soft one” dynamic. 

They’re also a great contrast to the sheer chaos of Noelia (Noelle/Talia). So I could’ve shipped Yuno and Cyrus/Mimosa with anyone—they’re some of the most shippable characters in BC, imo (with xCanon and xOC!)—but nope, gonna put them together to complete that cute little aesthetic with two and two, an F/F and an M/M, perfectly balanced because I can :P. All for the vibes.

For moments/scenes that I wrote just for me, I once wrote another Magicians AU titled When the World’s Unkind (also with Margo x Fen as the main ship) where Fen gets turned into a bunny due to aa magical mishap, and Margo has to hold Fen in her hands while they travel. Eventually she gets indoors to a safe place and puts Fen on her lap, and after some awkward silence (and bunny snuggles), Margo blurts out her feelings. Animals have that therapeutic effect, huh! That scene was purely self-indulgent and I had a blast—especially because I wrote it from Fen’s perspective while she’s stuck as a bunny.

[candycandy00]

Actually speaking of, do u have any writing tips?? I might start writing fanfics when I'm bored idk

Sure, I can give some writing tips! Just keep in mind that these are tips that work for me. What works for one person might not work for another. 

My first general tip is one I hated hearing when I was younger: read a lot! Read the sort of stuff you want to write, but also other stuff as well. There’s literally nothing that will help you write more than reading. The tip I was always given as a teenager was “to be a good writer, you must first be a good reader”. I thought this was bullshit lol. I only read comics and manga. I rarely ever read actual books. But an online friend gave me the same advice, and encouraged me to read more. I did, and actually enjoyed it, and it’s made a huge difference in my writing. Now I consider myself an avid reader.  

Secondly, decide on a writing method that works best for you. For me personally, that’s writing in the Notes app on my phone. When I used to write on my laptop, I struggled to find time to actually sit down and write. But once I switched to doing it on my phone, my output increased dramatically. Maybe the opposite is true for you, but it’s important to try different methods and find what works for you. I know people who hand write their stories and type them up later. So any method is valid. 

Now these are a bit more personalized to me but they might be helpful to others:

If you’re writing anything longer than a short one shot, have a plan in mind for where the story is going. It doesn’t have to be a detailed outline, you don’t even have to write it down. But have a general idea of the main story beats before you begin, so you know what you’re working toward. Even if it’s just a smutty one shot, it’s a good idea to know the main things you want to include and the general vibe of the story and what the ending will be like. You can of course change this as you go if you need to. 

For smut in particular, I like to focus on the emotions of the characters, not just the physical sensations. For me, this just makes the smut more interesting and stimulating. 

For dialogue, don’t get too hung up on sounding like a “real conversation”. People who tell you to listen to real conversations to help with dialogue are crazy. Real conversations are a mess! People start and stop sentences out of nowhere, say the wrong words and correct themselves, lose their train of thought, etc. They would not be fun at all to read! Instead, you want to give the illusion of a real conversation. You write it out in a way that sounds interesting and serves the plot and is fun to read, but make it seem natural. Don’t forget to use contractions! I see a lot of beginning writers forgetting to use contractions in their dialogue. Unless it’s a character who speaks very formally, use them! 

Now this is probably the most important one, especially for writing fanfiction (but it applies to all writing): make some writing friends! Make friends with other writers here on tumblr who are writing in your fandom. Having a buddy to bounce ideas off of and just talk about your stories with is so so helpful. It keeps you motivated and excited to write, and you can inspire each other. And luckily it’s super easy to make friends with fanfic writers on here. The vast majority of them are very sweet and happy to talk to you. Literally just message them saying you enjoy their work and would like to be friends. Anyone who has a negative reaction to that isn’t worth having as a friend anyway. 

I hope these help! 

[thrilling-oneway]

I'd give you 5$ if you post that draft

you didn't even need to bribe. it's not actually in the drafts of this blog so i'll write a better version

i've said it a billion times before: tsukasa is the comedic relief weirdguy, the devs basically will do anything with him so long as it's funny.

so starting with that valentine's day vlive in 2021. during the MC part of that he gets jealous that rui has been getting chocolates and tries to brag that he got lots of chocolates too but then immediately reveals that he got friendzoned by multiple girls. his voiceline that year is something about how he catches everyone's attention on vday and year round bc he's a star or something like that but anyway that whole interaction there seems to suggest he's straight lol.

however.

he's REALLY oblivious. played for comedy ofc but i see a lot of people interpret this as him being somewhere on the aro spectrum (probably not what the writers intended but fair instance of accidentally coding a character as smth). examples include: not understanding why Akito doesn't want to be seen at PXL alone with Toya in an Akito's initial 3* (second story), literally says "thank you" when Asahi basically confesses to him and completely misses the point (he actually did seem to nearly get this one for a second), and he doesn't understand why Rui's friends are impressed that he's friends the incredibly attractive Shizuku (Tsukasa is the only not-gay-coded male character who isn't attracted to Shizuku, probably because they're childhood friends. or if you want to view him as being aspec, then that works too). also when he mentions that he's friends with guys in his class who are cool and popular and good with women, Hibiki says that he was in a class with one of those guys in 1st year and is amazed that tsukasa is in that crowd now, emphasis on the "tsukasa's friends are good with women part". tsukasa's just confused about that because of course they talk to girls a lot they're in the same class.

also he usually rewrites a lot of romance plays to remove the romance. he rewrote R&J to just make it focused on the action (which is probably because he likes playing action heroes more than anything else), and he got rid of the romance plot in little mermaid because he didn't felt it was needed (this one is justified in-universe as they do fun shows for small children and don't really need the tragic romance, and also from production standpoint like you don't do that because fandom). so yeah that could again be read as him being aspec if you want but i don't think the writers intended it to be read that way, especially the R&J one that was purely for comedy.

all that said, this is an idol game, which generally run on the rule of thumb that every character is some flavour of queer, even if it's just for fanservice (i don't play enstars but from what i do know of it it falls a bit on that last point). anyway you can probably tell where this is going but he gets ship tease with rui sometimes. vast majority of this is from Rui's side but there are things like Oki ni Mesu mama

Tsukasa: Waiting for the "1, 2…" signal, holding hands with you is an act of courage for me

or that one part in pandemonium where he drops his persona for a brief second when he's impressed by rui's plan that was very much put there on purpose, or that Tsukasa and Airi's cheerful carnival team name from that event is "swayed by their partners (相方, aikata)" and when you consider that Shizuku and Airi are heavily implied to like each other, and have canonically been on a "date", that was also a Choice.

idk whether to count KING because justified by them being actors and the fang motif in the song... vampires kinda homoerotic it makes sense that the dance routine was that. also i'm not sure if the connect lives are even canon, especially the wxs one since tokishun broke character and the 4th wall.

yeah i dunno. the writers kinda just do whatever they want with him. interpret any of this how you will i'm just recounting shit from the game.

oh hey it's longer than 300 words now

[violet-moonstone]

the MCU's rhetoric about political resistance/change is often so insidious. the only time we see people who want to change the status quo, theyre destructive and often incapable of feeling compassion for anyone outside of the group theyre fighting for. so the only two options are siding with the cruel antagonist who wants real change and the heroes who will make small concessions so that the audience feels good but ultimately they uphold the harmful status quo. I'm not saying this doesn't happen in real life, but when a trope pretty much becomes the default, you start to see the writer's political messages coming out. ESPECIALLY when the primary threat comes from exploited working class people/oppressed minorities and not the colonialist powers and corporations that put them in that position.

sidenote: when i watched black panther 2 and realized that the primary conflict was going to be black people fighting indigenous people and that western hegemony and exploitation of resources was just a side plot, I immediately lost all hope for that film. I loved the music, the visuals and the fight scenes, but the writing?? i was so disappointed. All the dissatisfaction I felt from Black Panther 1 came flooding back. Before they were pitting us against each other, this time it was against another oppressed group...hhhhhhh. anyway jokes on me for expecting different. I really just need to read The Deep (and if its anything like the song its based on, its probably much better executed than wakanda forever).

anyway, yes, the audience has the freedom to see things with nuance but i dont think most people will (because "its just a fun superhero move, why are you taking it so seriously?"), and I dont think the writers want them to - otherwise they'd start including more nuanced characters rather than villains who we are shown have to be defeated for the greater good, no matter how valid their arguments may be. and I understand that the vast majority of people are not watching superhero movies looking for nuance and depth but thats all the more reason why so much of the MCU's writing is concerning. Every time we're faced with a troubling political/ecological debate, the conclusion is that whoever tried to change things was in the wrong, and we'll make a small concession at the end so everyone feels somewhat satisfied and doesn't really have to confront any uncomfortable implications.

ex: infinity war shows us Thanos' eco fascism as the main (and only?) criticism of the overconsumption of resources. I may be wrong but I don't remember anyone talking about sustainability as vital solution or anything...and in FATWS the conversation is STILL about the pros and cons of the Snap - not anything to do with sustainability...because that would require the audience to be confronted with real life political implications that are bit too close to home. Even to have one or a few characters suggest an alternative and for Thanos to shoot it down because he doesn't trust people to be sustainable, and because he truly thinks killing people is the best possible plan (which makes no sense btw because it implies that all species are overpopulated at the same and that every single species in the universe consumes resources in the same way..they made movie!Thanos *seem* so intelligent but his thought process literally makes no sense. and fans bend over backwards to justify it because "hes the mad titan" even though you clearly cant use that defense based on the way he's written in the film. The writers clearly want us to see him as rational but cruel...anyway its not 2018 so let me stop beating the dead horse of this tired topic)

basically, theres rarely (if ever) a middle between the two extremes, because theres no room for that. There has to be a good guy and a bad guy...perhaps a well intentioned and misguided bad guy, but ultimately still a bad guy. The options are: pretty much nothing but minor things change and the problem still exists OR everything changes but it would require the violent villain getting their way and killing innocent people in the process.

anyway thank god for the spiderverse , which actually does the opposite (and thank god spiderverse is not directly part of the MCU and the writers actually have something to say). I think the loki show may be doing something similar but im not caught up so idk. loki to me feels like spiderverse but with less narrative cohesion

[rigelmejo]

10/16/2024 updates:

So study activities I've been doing lately are: glossika sentences, and listening to chinese audiobooks and ausiodramas.

With the goal of hopefully increasing common words I know in Japanese to 3000-5000 (I'm nit sure how many words glossika japanese has... it claims 5000 words and 6400 sentences so hopefully I'll see close to 5000 words, I already knew around 2000 words so I am hoping another few thousand will help my comprehension of shows and stuff). And for Chinese, with the goal of increasing my listening comprehension (which to be honest is going to just take many hours... I expect a few hundred or more. I have the vocabulary from reading, I just need to turn it into vocabulary I can quickly-recall-and-understand when listening).

Optional activities: trying Comprehensible Input type lessons, and seeing how that goes. As usual, I did not stick to my plan lol. I planned to focus on Japanese Comprehensible Input, which would be a better test of the improvements I can make using such lessons. Instead I found myself focusing on Chinese Comprehensible Input Lessons.

Notes:

Glossika japanese course: I've studied 79 hours with between 1-4 hours a week, pitifully small. I was aiming for 1-2 hours a day but lol I'm going to need to step it up to get closer to that. The thing too is? Audio flashcards of english/japanese sentences like glossika are some of the EASIEST study resources to do while multitasking and walking, cleaning, playing video games, working, driving, etc. So I should definitely be able to push the study time to 2 hours just by pressing play when work starts and playing glossika's audio when I'm not doing something focus intensive. Anyway... I need to put more time in. I've gone through 3818 sentences, 26550 reps, and I'd say a vast majority of the words so far have been words I knew. Real rough estimate that only 500-1000 words were new to me, and even of those I've probably seen them im video games before or looked them up while playing a game or readong before. Very daily life vocabulary and sentence types.

Sareta (done? Was done? Have done? And saremashita (was done) are the main words I'm having major trouble grasping the meaning of. I know the word in that I've studied it on purpose for multiple years now, I just don't get what it's conveying. Its a form of suruI think but. Is it conveying "could do" or "done to X by something else" or "happened to X" I'm still quite confused even with the grammar explanations I've read... so I guess off to read even more grammar explanations. Also the masen form of verbs for "you must" instead of you must not. Example: You must go there そこに行かなければなりません。there to (there) ika(go)nakereba(must? Literally If Not)narimasen(not become?)... Go There if not not become -> go there to become (change to correct status accordingly)... it's seems like a double negative with nakerebanarimasen and the double negative confuses me a ton. そこに行かなければならない nakerebanaranai (informal version)

Compare with this example of You must NOT go there: そこへ行ってはいけない soko he (there to) itte (go) wa ikenai (don't go - just the verb conjugated for not doing it). I hipe with enough repetition I'll eventually get this...

Chinese audios: hahahaha.... in my defense, October is my rest month of little work. I listened to 5 hours so far this week. Some bl audiobook on bilibili I was recommended, crime of course so I could follow plot okay (it has good music), SCI mystery beginning a bit, Alice in Wonderland read by a girl on youtube (which I feel really helped as I know every word so it helps me just HEAR better), MoDu first few chapters again, and an audiodrama I started yesterday which had chinese subs... so I was cheating... but with chinese subs I understood everything immediately which was a nice switch up compared to the other practice... its called 提灯看刺刀 and audiodramas are wild in some ways because if you've never read a corresponding book you're still guessing the premise and settings lol but it appeared Han (rich boy police maybe?) and Chu Yi were enemies, Chu Yi was in hospital dying and woke up and Han asked if he ever loved anyone Shen said no and stabbed himself! And I think it's about to be a redo your life plot! I only listened to the intro so far. I need to listen more to their names because I'm still catching those. I recommend it though, its a well made audio drama.

If you ever want a push to immerse in chinese more, make a bilibili account. They have an app and site, its like youtube. And if you, like me, search BL and danmei initially, then it gets to a point where bilibili will recommend you stuff you'll like every time you open the app. I usually see several audiobooks and dramas recommended when I open the app, some crime audiobooks and audio dramas, some dangai animated manhua with the sound effects, some comedy supernatural animated manhua, some newly airing japanese drama BL with chinese subs, and some new reactions to shows that have come out recently that are dangai or danmei. I tend to look up japanese stuff on bilibili too, so I can usually see new bl jdramas and chinese audiobook and audiodramas when I open the app. It makes the question of "what to immerse in" quite simple. If I dont know what to listen to in chinese, I just open bilibili and click something. If Im lazy that day, I pick an animated manhua with audio and the text on screen. If I want just dialogue I click an audiodrama (usually 1-12 hours), and if I want a lot of practice and details of whats going on I click an audiobook.

I am eternally grateful that my brain doesnt seem to discard "skills needed to read" very much at all. No matter if I take a break or not, a few to several hours of trying to read and it comes back. I have a book of Grimms Fairy Tales in Chinese. When I read the Frog Prince, story 1 in the book, it took me 20 minutes despite being 3 pages. When I read story 2 the next day, Red Riding Hood, I could read it at speaking speed and read it aloud because I knew how to pronounce every hanzi again except for the 2 hanzi before the type of wine Red Riding Hood brought for grandma, and the hanzi for door latch 闩 (shuan1). I knew it meant door latch from context but I'd never seen or heard it before so I've just looked up the pronunciation now. So reading took 2 days to come back, and I can read audiodrama chinese subs at speaking speed fine again. I'm super grateful for many reasons, just one being that having this locked in memory of hanzi meanings and a decent amount of their pronunciations (at least enough to attach to the sound radical to help sound out words), means when I do jump back into reading I get all that back quickly. It was hard to initially study hanzi so I am glad the knowledge doesnt deteriorate. It would suck to forget 1000+ hanzi if you take too long a break. I do forget a few hundred hanzi, temporarily, if they were hanzi I was learning in reading but stopped reading before I solidified them in memory, but the knowledge of them comes back and keeps solidifying at the stage it was before once I do read again. The process for Chinese reading skill has been quite similar to french reading skill - barely deteriorating and the skill comes back upon reading again for several hours. I'd say if anything, the listeming study in combo with reading really helps me remember words. I remember better with sound, I think. So mentally if I can't sound out vaguely familiar words I get slowed down when reading. It'll bug me too much that I cant remember the pronunciation. I can read fast enough to have no internal voice, but with words I know it goes much smoother if I know the words pronunciation and not just its visual (I learned a heap of words visual only no pronunciation when I started reading a lot). I connected sound to hanzi very heavily, the sound component in many hanzi helps me a Ton its like im sounding out words in english as well as looking at other component clues for meaning (again - like in english, i look for context in chinese sentences to guess new stuff). When listening only, i find I cant picture the hanzi though... only pinyin if i want to look a word up, or if i know the word i hear then i dont visualize anything I just Understand and move on.

The extra stuff:

I am watching Doraemon in japanese on youtube. I only watched 1 episode, very understandable, I recommend for upper beginners. Doraemon is also in mandarin dub on youtube just search duolaameng, also very beginner friendly.

I watched half of Dont Close Your Eyes Before Its Dark on youtube, a taiwan drama, I could do it without intense focus but the taiwan accent plus low volume of the show meant I only caught the main plot points and missed many little conversation details (in contrast I understand Qi Hun cdrama like 95% of every word). I am watching with no chinese subs.

So I switched to a show called Detention on netflix, also taiwan drama I think, there's a guy student who I think speaks a different dialect or language with his dad because those scenes have built in traditional chinese subs and some words they say sound like words I know while others dont. The girl and her mom and most of the students and faculty speak mandarin, and the guy student does at school. It's a horror, also much less dialogue than Qi Hun cdrama. But it was cool to see I could follow the plot well, it feels like when I watch an english horror show with no subtitles. Audio is clearer and louder in this show Detention than the first one I tried. Also its an interesting show, I recommend. It makes me want to go back and finish watching The Bad Kids, similar vibe in some ways except this is more supernatural. Yes, I love horror. Romantic comedies would be easier practice though, and with more dialogue. Im not watching a xianxia because while I know they talk a lot more (and I miss Ice Fantasy), the voices tend to be clearer in xianxia than in stuff shot like real life. You know what I mean, in Detention and Close Your Eyes people mumble and slur and talk muffled sometimes, same in Qi Hun where Shi Guang talks more like a real person and less clearly. I'd rather practice hearing something closer to how actual conversations sound, since I'm getting very clear spoken audio from audiobooks and audio dramas. I watched 2 episodes of Detention so far.

I watched 1 episode of Inuyasha in japanese. The positive: I followed the plot fine and without intense effort. The negative: I understood only like 20 words total. Theres way more unknown words in Inuyasha for me, compared to Ranma 1/2 (where I know maybe 70% of the words) or Doraemon (where I know 90% or more). So I am not sure if watching would have much benefit. I do understand the episode story beats, so maybe Id pick things up from context? But I know so few words I'm hearing. Also I missed inuyasha, I would love to retwatch. The art is prettier than I remember as a kid. Ranma 1/2 is one of my favorite animes, and I like rumikos other stuff too.

I watched like 10 Lazy Chinese Comprehensible Input videos on youtube yesterday, all on the Intermediate Playlist. I love that channel! I think the intermediate section is amazing. I know every word almost, and she explains particular new words like specific noodle dishes. She shows hanzi if I want to look at the screen and match pronunciation to the words. She speaks slow and clear, but also in an animated cheerful pleasant way so its not boring, and it does feel like being a child a bit and having a pleasant person helping to explain things to you and entertain you with their stories. The clear pronunciation helps me know more clearly what word Im hearing. I can listen to stuff above this level, but I saw someone on reddit mention they listened to the Lazy Chinese channel and then saw a huge listening comprehension boost, and then listened to Tea Time Chinese and got another boost. As I want improved listenimg skill, Im copying them lol. I can understand the Intermediate playlist without looking at the video, so its easier to play in the background. Its also a lot of everyday conversation topics, which is useful to me as novels and shows dont actually cover those mundane topics as much lol. So I think it might help strengthen my foundation of listening skill. I also just think the lessons are amazing for learners in general: lots of repetition, spoken in an entertaining and visually explained way, and even the more advanced stuff is quite understandable and interesting (which is what I used to watch once in a while). If you want to study Chinese with comprehensible input lessons, I 100% recommend going to Lazy Chinese and starting.

I also listened to Alice in Wonderland in chinese read on youtube, as I mentioned above in my study notes. I know most of the words so its more an exercise of practicing quickly recognizing words, with no new word guessing or parsing to slow me down and take up part of my energy like it does with other audiobooks of bigger novels. The reader I found is a girl who speaks softer and higher than Im used to, which I suppose is good practice. But she also reads in a way that reminds me of the way my parents used to read to me, which is comforting in a way, like someone telling you an interesting tale of something that happened somewhere, to entertain you. I listened to Alice in Wonderland maybe 2 years ago in chinese and it was nowhere near this understandable, so my listening skill has gradually improved since then.

I was trying to prioritize watching Comprehensible Japanese youtube channel but. Lol you know me! I avoid often doing what I planned. I watched 6 videos... the absolute beginner videos felt too easy but did have useful vocabulary, the lower intermediate videos explaining comics felt better for my level, but required me to focus enough to feel tired. I could follow the advanced fukushima disaster topic video but that made me feel Very exhausted within a few minutes. I find lets plays of video games I've played before are less exhausting than the Comprehensible Japanese intermediate videos (probably because i know more words from those specific games since I learned some vocab from them), and I find the beginner videos are not exhausting but theyre very boring to me. Thats shy I went looking for a japanese show to watch... something to immerse and pick up words in, that is not boring but not exhausting... not much luck, japanese shows are too hard. They also require intense focus.

[visualtaehyun]

BL/QL Ask game : The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst

Thank you for tagging me @twig-tea 🙏 I read your post and the questions while going Ohhh interesting but when I actually tried to answer them myself, I realized that I'm usually pretty positive about the shows I watch or else I just move on from them. Most of the time, I don't fault characters or a whole show for being bad anyway, it's more the writing/script, directing choices, or editing that I tend to have gripes with.

So! Of the entire 22 original questions (by @clara-maybe-ontheroad), I'll only be answering a handful. This will also only be about Thai BLs because they make up the vast majority of QLs I've seen.

1 Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL

My knee-jerk reaction was "Never Let Me Go country song NC" lmao but then I went to rewatch said scene and it barely stood out to me. So after re-thinking I'll have to nominate two shows: Dangerous Romance and Until We Meet Again, for basically the same reason.

Chimon's OST สายลม (Wind), which I actually fell in love with when it dropped because Chimon's voice was such a pleasant surprise, is being entirely overused in DR, to the point that I'm starting to tire of a song that I actually like. Honorable mention: The completely random and unnecessary stage performance of Perth and Chimon's ซบกันไปนานๆ (Sunset) in ep. 5. Was it not enough to have them sing and vibe to it in the car earlier in the same episode??

Similarly, UWMA's OST is either entirely by one guy or entirely one song but it sure was grating on me, my patience and my enjoyment of the show. P'New series are already hit or miss for me but that singer/song/OST had me so fed up.

5 Worst plot line

The first show I ever dropped was Star In My Mind which is ridiculous considering how short it is. But the entire premise of Kluen being unable to open his goddamn mouth frustrated me to no end. I did pick it back up again at a later point though, so I could watch Sky In Your Heart and indulge in the JoongDunk cuteness from there on out.

7 A show people love but you find bad

I'm sorry to say but- it's Vice Versa. It was one of the first Thai QLs I watched along with as it aired but ultimately I gotta say Oof. It has a fun premise, the cinematography is super nice, and it's genuinely sweet. But the amount of product placements was staggering! I also just didn't vibe with JimmySea's chemistry, they just gave too much Friend energy for me to find them believable as a couple. They're not the only ones or the only series where I didn't really find the spark but that's not a Them problem. That's a me 'Needing my fictional couples to be head over heels for each other for my acespec ass to see/experience the attraction and connection' problem lol

8 A show people find bad but you will defend

Cutie Pie! And I will die on this hill, @twig-tea 😂 It has everything I love: good production quality, good acting, tangible chemistry between the couples (see last question lol), complicated emotions, push-and-pull between the romantic leads, a dedicated cast and crew, a great OST, I'm certain I'm forgetting a lot of stuff but there's just so much I love about this show.

At its core, it's about two people who turned themselves into the versions they think they should be for each other, based on their upbringing, expectations placed upon them, status differences etc. and how they learn to be honest with themselves and each other.

I've re-watched this show a number of times, each with different levels of Thai proficiency, which made me consider that this show might've been such a hit in Thailand but not as much internationally because there's maybe a language and trope/culture barrier here? On my first-time watch, I knew no Thai and was largely unfamiliar with what tropes are common in Thai romances and such. At the time, the show didn't hit me very much, I struggled to make sense of that pivotal fight in episode 1, I enjoyed the singing, it was mostly just a nice romance. On my most recent re-watch a few months back, I had reached the point where I could follow a spoken conversation in Thai as long as there were translated subs to guide me along. And suddenly the full weight of episode 1 but especially the fight at the end, setting up the central conflict, hit me and I realized: Oh wow! This is good writing! Introduce your characters, their backgrounds, their goals, and the show's core conflict and that's how you hook viewers.

This has already gotten long enough but I wanna mention how much it means to me to have this show not just call for marriage equality repeatedly but also to have them shout it out to the world by having their mlm couple fully make out in what is arguably one of the busiest corners of Bangkok - Siam Square! More specifically it is the area with the fountains between Siam Paragon on one side and Siam Center on the other, and the skywalk (that connects the various malls in the area) as well as the central BTS station Siam both overlooking that space. It's also called Parc Paragon, there's frequently events there, and it is busy as all hell!! And they not only cleared it for filming a lengthy queer kiss scene but, in the show, the huge LED/ad screens are used to project pride colors, a call for equal rights, and a queer marriage proposal in plain view of the entire square!

If you've never been to Bangkok, I beg you to look up photos, via Google Street View or the IG location tag for Parc Paragon so you get an idea of what I'm talking about. 🙏 (this isn't the only busy prominent location they used btw but djdjhdjsdj let's not write a whole damn essay here)

10 A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated

Dinosaur Love - I watched the first episode, excited for Tonnam and Pepper, and found it charming with its low budget, pink-filtered tropey-ness. Except I quickly realized that this show was Actually Bad. The framing and blocking were often a big question mark to me. The pink filter and the background music got annoying quickly. The acting was subpar. At some point in episode 2 I started questioning if they ever even did more than one take per scene. There was a panning shot involving a mirror where the crew is just fully visible in the reflection?? Suffice it to say that I dropped this show like a hot potato when episode 3 very suddenly and very graphically had a side character self-harm. Squicked me out like nothing before, moving on!

11 A bad show that you kept watching because you were horny

I mentioned this already but I'm on the aro/ace-spectrum (...somewhere, don't ask me specifics lol) so I don't really watch shows for horny or eyecandy reasons. If I don't vibe with the characters or dynamics then I won't even perceive them as sexy, to be honest.

12 A bad show that you kept watching because of that one character

Why R U (the og Thai one), I guess? Everyone who's seen it probably knows that the production and filming suffered because of Covid so I wouldn't hesitate to call this show bad on that basis. I set out to watch it because I wanted to see more of Zee Pruk's acting, in another role, after having seen Cutie Pie. And Fighter ended up being most of the reason I stuck around till the end. The nuanced struggle with his own sexuality was so well-portrayed. Tutor is a very memorable character as well! And I'm entirely 🥰 about Hwa, she just perfectly fits this character archetype that I will always, without fail, completely adore.

21 The show that disappointed you the most

Most of the time, I either don't have big expectations or I let go of them quickly enough once I get a vibe for where a given show is going. The closest thing to 'disappointment' would then probably be all the shows that I kept seeing being recommended and hyped but that didn't leave a lasting impression on me after watching, like KinnPorsche, Love Mechanics, Manner of Death. None of these are bad OR disappointing and there's things I genuinely enjoyed and liked in them but ultimately I just didn't Get why they're so popular. I'm sure part of it is to do with me not having been around to follow along on a week-to-week basis but watching them long after they were done airing, basically in a vacuum. But alas!

I don't know how you managed to do all 22 questions, Twig Tea, when this fraction has already taken me like five hours 💀 Passing this time-eating curse on then to @airenyah @cangse-sanren/@zeesqueere @sadwetcatray @sorry-bonebag @telomeke @thegalwhorants @pharawee I'm sure this tag is making the rounds so some (if not all) of y'all have probably done this already. If anyone I didn't tag reads this and wants to play, feel free to tag me in it, I do enjoy reading hot takes and impassioned essays lol

[beauzos]

obligatory obviously there's nothing wrong with still enjoying and consuming children's content as an adult, you just need to expand your horizons sometimes. we all do.

i know i'm not the best person for this because if i'm allowed to be completely straight with y'all, i actually do consider myself to be "above" consuming a vast majority of children's content. i don't find it particularly valuable to me a lot of the time, for lack of a better way to describe it. sometimes it has value to me. i literally just read The Hobbit for the first time. reread Warrior Cats and Percy Jackson this year. i still like Avatar and some other kids show i watched as a kid or teenager. it can have value, it just usually doesn't to me. usually the value is nostalgia appeal. but sometimes it's just good in general.

anyway, i do find it interesting how often people respond to "you should try new things/things above that level sometimes" with "because trying anything new or challenging killed my grandma okay" like. you know i'm very particular about stuff i read. i really dislike romance, i don't really like fantasy, i won't read YA at all (except for my glorious old YA books i grew up on vs their barbarian new YA books teens are growing up on now lol), so on so forth.

but i do try to branch out. i started warming up to fantasy again after reading LOTR and even after sort of enjoying Navola, and rereading Discworld. i used to be such a FIEND for fantasy and now i'm working on rekindling that affection for a genre i no longer really want to read much of. i read The Bright Sword by Lev Grossman which is both fantasy and has a romance plot that i thought worked pretty well and was actually rather nice. i do try to challenge myself to read stuff i think i won't like. i won't read a whole romance novel because i know i won't like it, though there's one or two i've thought about checking out someday, but i can't give up on romantic plots wholesale because it's possible to do them well.

i guess it's just about trying something new. cause like i think there's value in consuming something you want to give a shot and not liking it, too. it has its own valuable experience, imo.

[aprillikesthings]

I've been reading a book that's a fictionalized account of a year in the life of a serf woman in the middle ages. There's no real plot in a traditional sense, it's more like a "slice of life" kind of thing? The main point is to teach you about the daily life of an average person.

The author doesn't say when in the middle ages it's supposed to be taking place. It's definitely somewhere in England, but while some of the characters' names imply post-Norman invasion (which was 1066), the way things are portrayed implies a couple hundred years before that. I could quibble with the accuracy of some of it--soap was commonly used starting in the 800's; also they totally had linen before that!, why are they amazed and confused by seeing a piece of it; also England was Christian but people still engaged in a lot of folk religion and you don't see much of it in the book, if any.

But on the whole it's a very empathetic way of looking into the past.

It's a stressful read sometimes!! Which I suppose is part of the point. The POV character, Marion, has two living children. She had a toddler son die, and a 12-year-old daughter die, and three other infants that died; and that was not in any way unusual for that time period.

Life is just incredibly precarious: A cottage burns down because of a child's innocent mistake. A healthy adult man dies from a wood splinter wound getting infected. Marion spends all day spinning wool (the village's major trade good--she's required to give a certain amount of it to the lord every year) and a day's spinning is destroyed by accident by her toddler and she's understandably upset.

(Every spun on a drop spindle or seen someone else do it? That shit is SLOW even when done by someone with a lot of practice. And you have to spin SO MUCH to make any clothing!)

Making sure they have enough to eat takes up the vast majority of everyone's time and back-breaking labor, and a spell of bad weather could cause the whole village to starve. Marion is constantly checking on the peas in her garden, and wondering is her goat still giving milk? How many eggs did the hens lay? (how many does she still owe to her lord?) Have mice or mold gotten into her flour? And that's on top of making sour milk/cheese, and bread, and deciding when to slaughter the pigs, and making sure every last bit of those pigs is used for something or safely preserved for later. A tremendous portion of every day is just growing, preparing, and preserving food; by herself or with other villagers.

The lord and lady of the hall are fascinating, because while yes they "own" a few dozen people (because they own the land they live on, really; the serfs belong to the land, legally speaking) and pay/hire freemen, they're not idle rich people. The lady of the hall is constantly making decisions and is hardly above doing physical labor herself, including making bread and ale. The lord and lady clearly take their role seriously and are trying to make good decisions that keep the entire village fed and clothed and housed, including caring for widows and orphans. Nevertheless, they do have a higher standard of living than any of their serfs, and still have an inordinate amount of power over their lives; including deciding who can marry, and they mete out punishment when they feel it's necessary.

They just own so, so little. Marion has two wool dresses, and for most of the year she's wearing both. She has one pair of shoes, which she only wears in the winter. When the lord comes back from trading their wool thread for (among other things) a year's supply of salt and a few new iron pots, the lady of the hall has to figure out who, out of many families, needs a new pot; most families only have one. Marion's husband is the village carpenter and he knows exactly how many nails he owns, and saves bent ones for the visit from the tinker who straightens them out.

ANYWAY. Tl;dr: It's an absorbing book, and every time I put it down and am yanked back into the current day, I just think: holy shit. I am so comfortable, all of the time. And I have SO MUCH STUFF.

My life is so, so easy.

[erindrawsstuff]

Hello!

I wanted to ask if you had any comic recommendations! I’ve noticed that our tastes are very similar, haha

here’s one from me!

go check out My Superhero! by Jessie Paige Dawson

Oh I've been WAITING for this one--

A lot of the comics I read are less self-indulgent/wish-fulfillment/slice of life/romance and more "make me ponder about the thing I am reading on an obsessive level" and "I want this story to rewrite my life and make me question everything". However if I'm needing a mental break I will enjoy a good comfort comic!

WARNING BEFOREHAND: Some of the listed comics may include themes like slight body horror, suicide/self-harm, abuse, depression, etc. There are pre-existing warnings on most of these comics but like all media please proceed with caution and take care of yourselves!

On WEBTOON:

Space Boy by Stephen McCranie (currently on hiatus)

Do you love space? Do you enjoy colorful comics with intriguing casts of characters with a dash of existentialism and the complexities of life and what it means to be human? Then you'll definitely want to read this one. Also, it baffles me that Stephen has essentially improvised the majority of this story--it's incredibly cohesive and very well-written.

Nevermore by Kate Flynn and Kit Trace (updates regularly on Fridays)

This is the definition of disaster lesbians--toxic yuri, even, but that's why I love it! Very fun concept of limbo as a gothic academic setting where everyone is out to get everyone for a second chance at life. The main love interests have a recently-divorced vibe that is so messy and I eat it up every time they interact with each other. The supporting cast is also very fleshed-out and dynamic and play very well off of each other to make for interesting scenarios.

Suitor Armor by Purpah (updates on Fridays)

A comic that questions what it means to be human/have a soul and the complexities of life and the moral ambiguity! I feel like there's a pattern here... anyway, I really enjoy the world-building in this one and while I'm not usually a fan of plot-twists for shock value, Purpah does them VERY WELL and I was indeed very shocked and surprised several times.

Castle Swimmer by Wendy Lian Martin (currently on hiatus)

I do love my gay fish boys. Castle Swimmer is one of those comics I could picture as an animated series and if that happens I want to be on that animation team so bad (Wendy I'm on my hands and knees). The world building is immaculate and feels so vast that every time a new setting is discovered it feels like the world map is being filled out as you go. Main characters defy predestined-fates after falling in love with each other and I'm a sucker for that trope. Gender-fuckery and many representations of sexuality is also a normal occurrence so that's very refreshing. AND Wendy incorporates a lot of facts/biology/conservation awareness for marine life into the story and after episodes and I love that very much.

On Hiveworks:

Novae by KaiJu (Jen and Kate) (updates on Mondays and Thursdays)

Historical fiction with romance, more gender-fuckery, magic systems and astronomy (more space!! I love space!!). I eat up all the cultural references and have learned more from this comic than most of my history classes. Beautiful, beautiful art style and overall very well-written. Cant' wait to get my heart broken over the next few chapters (something just happened but you'll have to read it for yourself).

Tiger, Tiger by Petra Norlund (currently on hiatus)

My friend recommended this to me with the general pitch of "noblewoman cross-dresses as her twin brother to escape the responsibilities of high society and study sea sponges aboard the stolen ship of said-brother" and let me tell you I wish I read it sooner. I need to re-read it at some point but from what I can recall there's also a lot of queer pining and will-they-won't-they but also we can't worry about that right now because world-ending things are happening and one of the world-ending things is very hot and cool.

Barbarous by Ananth Hirsh and Yuko Ota (currently on hiatus)

I recently discovered this comic but I devoured it within hours; not only is the magic portrayed in such an interesting way (literally weaving magic/needing physical conduits to cast spells) despite being in a modern setting. Percy/Chiaki hits home being down on her luck and how her desperation to be perfect and powerful has made her do questionable things and I love that for her. All the characters are messy in their own way and it really breathes life into what could be considered a slice-of-life.

Namesake by Megan Lavey-Heaton and Isabelle Melançon (I'm actually unsure if there's a consistent update schedule?)

Man how do I even begin to explain Namesake?? I can't, that's why you should read it for yourself. Get ready to take notes because it is so dense with magical systems, character and setting history that I felt like I was studying but it's fun studying. This is also one I've followed for yeeearrrs and it's just gotten better with time.

Countdown to Countdown by Velinxi/Xiao Tong Kong (updates on Wednesdays)

This is actually a re-release of Xiao's previous comic by the same name; it had a similar format to Ava's Demon with painterly single panels (you can still read the original here), and now it's a paginated-format with a very fleshed-out story and world (and the art style slightly simplified but still gorgeous). I love the changes Xiao was able to make because it really helps the story and characters shine compared to the earlier version. I'm pretty sure that she had likened it to Tangled such as: generational trauma, escaping a tower, MC discovering the world while love interest grows to love their passion and joy despite struggling in said-world and they are both boys and they are kissing (I added that last bit it has been the slowest slow burn of my life).

Daughter of the Lilies by Meg Syv (currently on hiatus)

High fantasy/Dungeons and Dragons setting with incomprehensible beings and a girl without a face that just wants to be accepted by the family she has found within her adventuring party. I adore the character interactions and I don't want to say too much about the world because of very cool spoilers, but I really love this one.

STANDALONE COMICS:

Ava's Demon by Michelle Fus (updates fairly regularly now? but can have some hiatuses)

One of those OG webcomics I've been read since forever ago, but I still love it and am excited to see where the story goes. Sci-fi fantasy setting where most of the inhabited planets have been overruled by this one asshole who might be a god? Either way it follows Ava and a rag-tag group of friends/enemies/frenemies as they try to battle Titan's rule with demon pacts and untapped, unknown powers. I haven't re-read it in a very long time but I do remember enjoying the story and characters and the art style is absolutely gorgeous.

Lackadaisy by Tracy J. Butler

Oh my god please read this comic if you haven't already (or watch some of it as it's now an animated pilot on YouTube and has been recently funded for a full season!) I'm a complete sucker for 1920s/1930s prohibition stories and the underground businesses of rumrunners, not to mention the added bonus that they're all cats! The art style is gorgeous both in the earlier chapters and the later chapters, and the writing is so incredibly well-constructed and intricate that my baby brain could hardly keep up when I first started readying back in uhhhh 2010/2012?). It has a wackiness and charisma that Tracy has only honed since first starting and I can't recommend it enough.

The Meek and Mare Internum by Der-shing Helmer (The Meek is on indefinite hiatus, and Mare Internum is completed)

I honestly don't know if The Meek will ever be finished? Which is a bummer because I was hooked from the start. Granted I haven't revisited it in a long time so I can't recall a lot of details, but I remember it being wonderfully rich in world building and all of the characters were complex and shared interesting dynamics with each other. Fantasy setting with dangerous god-like beings playing sandbox with the politics and fates of the human world. There is also most definitely a green-haired girl in the story and she's really cool. Again, my memory is a tad fuzzy on this one so current opinion could be different from previous opinion.

Mare Internum is fully completed and is a sci-fi story that explored the dangers of an alien-inhabited Mars with a reluctant main lead. Proceed with caution as the very first page depicts an attempted hanging by the main character (there are warnings but it is the first page so it can take you a bit off-guard). I actually just realized as I was writing this that I never finished the story and that's very silly and goofy of me, but that just means we can experience it together haha.

Off-White by Jessi Derenthal, Anna Podedworna and Katarzyna Redesiuk (unfortunately discontinued, but who know what will happen in the future?)

I have to recommend the comic that indulged my wolf-girl era, it's only fair. But it's also because it's a beautifully painted comic and the team is so talented. I haven't caught up with them recently but I hope they're all doing well wherever they are. The setting is heavily inspired by Norse mythos, and the main characters flip between humans and wolves struggling to survive the spiritual collapse of the world as humans wipe out each respective spirit for total power. I remember being absolutely entranced by this comic and would get so excited every time it updated so my friend and I could read it. It's currently available on the Internet Archives and Wayback Machine, as the site was too expensive for the creators to sustain.

WOW I guess I was holding onto that for a while. Thank you so much for the ask! I can't promise I'll have the same energy for future asks but I really hyper-focused on this one since comics are one of my Special Interests. I also just started reading My Superhero!, so thank you for the recommendation!

[lizziestudieshistory]

Books of 2023 - January

I'm trying something new and writing vague thoughts on the books I've read this month as I've finished them. So if I repeat myself or I ramble (more than usual) then I apologise. Not that anyone reads these anyway 😅

The Winter's Tale by William Shakespeare - pleasantly surprised! I remember not getting on with The Winter's Tale when I first read the play as I found it disjointed. However, this time I really got into the themes and Shakespeare's examination of age/corruption/irrational passions vs. youth/rejuvenation/constancy in love. It's a WEIRD play and it definitely has a confusing plot, however, I did enjoy myself.

Rhythm of War by Brandon Sanderson - an underwhelming reread. Rhythm of War wasn't my favourite to start with and this reread really showed how formulaic sections of this book were (mainly ALL the stuff in Urithiru). I really didn't need another Kaladin fight scene after part one and that's sort of half the book... I did enjoy elements, such as looking at Kaladin's depression and Raboniel, but the vast majority was disappointing.

On the Knocking on the Gate in Macbeth by Thomas de Quincey (essay) - interesting essay I read randomly whilst on a break in the library at uni, it discusses act 2 of Macbeth and how Shakespeare creates an emotional response from the audience with a knock. I don't have much to say tbh...

Shakespearean: On Life and Language in Times of Distress by Robert McCrum - a pointless vanity project that shouldn't have been published. I only continued with this because I bought it and I NEVER buy nonfiction - clearly a rule I need to stick to! The points of interest came from McCrum pulling from other people's work (and citing it badly!!!) either by paraphrasing or directly quoting. I still don't really know what McCrum had to say for himself on the subject of what makes Shakespeare "Shakespeare" or "Shakespearean"... So what was the point? I also found myself disliking McCrum on a personal level, he came across like that unpleasant public schoolboy in your uni class who thinks he's smarter than everyone else, and is slightly sexist... Not a great impression.

Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare - a reread of an old favourite. I found this read very different to my previous experiences, this isn't to say that I didn't enjoy it but I found myself bored with the "B" plotline with Malvolio and Sir Toby Belch... And Olivia wasn't as dazzling as usual... However, I did really enjoy discovering how fabulous Viola is and thinking about late Elizabethan/early Jacobean gender norms and identity. So swings and roundabouts.

A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. Le Guin - I really wasn't expecting to like Earthsea, I'm not sure why but I had a feeling it wasn't going to be for me... I was so wrong! I had a lovely time with this first book. I don't think it's going to be a new all-time favourite series, but it is one I'm going to enjoy picking up every now and again as the mood takes me. Le Guin is a beautiful writer, her prose is lyrical and captivating in a way we rarely see in fantasy. It's simple, elegant, and layered - a child could read Earthsea and yet there is a rich thematic lining to this story that I loved pondering as I read through. The characters and narrative distance did mean I couldn't lose myself in the story as I would with someone like Robin Hobb, but I loved A Wizard of Earthsea in a different way. I'd highly recommend giving it a go if you're interested in classic fantasy!

The Poems by William Shakespeare - I've never tried Shakespeare's poetry before, at least not seriously, you can't go through the British education system without reading sonnet 18 at some point. Poetry usually isn't my thing and I only enjoy epic and narrative poetry...and this is still the case, as this collection proved. I enjoyed Venus and Adonis, and The Rape of Lucrece much more than The Phoenix and Turtle or The Passionate Pilgrim. Both of the longer narrative poems gave me something to think about, usually surrounding the themes of each poem and its historical context. The shorter works I found myself largely indifferent - although The Phoenix and Turtle is very beautiful.