#i love when you guys send me your analysis!!! it makes me feel so warm inside to know you’re really thinking about what i write!!!

[cetaitlaverite]

I feel like chapter 40 has brought out a sort of childlike selfishness that Freddie is wholly unaware she has, and others walk on eggshells to avoid. She fully expects everyone around her to be willing to uproot their entire lives simply because she wants them to. And it's easy to see how she became like that. The war hit when she was a teenager and Daniel died not too long after. I think all that trauma stunted her development in a way she isn't aware of at all. She's 25 now, but there's no doubt that a part of her is still 20. She also grew up an only child, so she never really had to learn to ‘share’ in a way that others do. None of those things are her fault, but it is her responsibility to work on altering these behaviors, which is hard when she doesn't see why its a problem.

This all becomes more obvious than ever in Chapter 40. She just assumes Jem will move to New York. And when Jem immediately dismisses this, she's almost offended. She can't quite fathom that she has a life beyond their Thorpe Abbots bubble, and that as much as she might love her, she is still simply just one person in her life. Freddie assumed that she and Millie were enough of a reason to move across the ocean, she didn't even stop to consider that Jem has a parter and a family right there in England.

With her parents its more obvious, but its still the same pattern. As an only child, its easy to forget that her parents are not just her parents. They are independent people, with lives that encompass more than just use. When her mom asserts that their life is in Oxford, Freddie instantly accuses her of never wanting to see her again or meet her (hypothetical) grandchildren. Its not a good look on her, and despite how much we empathize with her, its time for Freddie to acknowledge and deal with how she uses this to hurt people.

you are absolutely right on every count!! it has a lot to do with her separation anxiety, which started when she lost daniel and only got worse when she thought rosie was dead. she can’t stand the idea of being far away from the people she loves.

she’s also very spoilt - she’s an only child and both daniel and rosie dote/d on her and rarely ever told/tell her no, so she’s not accustomed to not getting her way. it’s a rude awakening when all of a sudden people tell her no left, right, and centre about moving to new york!!

learning to be okay on her own, as it were, will be a big part of her post-war life (most of it off-page, unfortunately). she’s a woman now but she still has a lot of growing up to do and she can’t do that when she’s still clinging to her parents and her friends.

but yes, you absolutely hit the nail on the head with all of this!!! her selfishness is maybe her biggest flaw and she can’t really even see it in herself. she doesn’t realise how big the things she asks of those she loves are. and, you’re right, she tries to guilt them into doing what she wants when they tell her no; she’s acknowledged before that she has an instinct to hurt people worse when they hurt her and she absolutely does that when she doesn’t get her way.

no one’s perfect, after all!! i love freddie deeply but she’s got her flaws!!

[0tivez]

i loved your gojo fic so much!! can i request an nsfw a to z with gojo <3

gojo a to z analysis

note: thank you anon! i've been meaning to do something like this for so long! for everyone, my requests are open! send me anything you'd like :)

warnings: nsfw, established relationship, gender neutral reader. mdni.

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⁜ A = Aftercare ⁜

this is a rough one, because i feel like sometimes he would, and sometimes he wouldn't. for someone he loves or at least cares about, i think he would do it gladly. but for a one night stand with a stranger, he would take care of himself and expect the other person to leave.

⁜ B = Body Part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's) ⁜

i have a feeling that Gojo likes his arms the most. i can imagine him flexing his arms all the time. he also loves sitting while crossing his arms, he knows it's a distraction for many. he likes how veiny they get from adrenaline rush.

as for his partner's, he's definitely an ass guy. he loves when you wear a tight jean that perfectly envelops your ass. he loves grabbing it, he'll grab it in public. he also does the lara jean hand in back pocket thing all. the. time. it's also his favorite place to cum.

⁜ C = Cum (anything to do with cum) ⁜

he hates using condoms. he has great self-control (thankfully) and knows when to pull out. he loves cumming on your ass and back the most, because those are the only times he can control himself. your face is like aphrodisiac to him, he can't contain himself at the sight of your face covered in his cum. it's a treat he only allows himself every now and then.

⁜ D = Dirty Secret ⁜

when you're away for something (a work trip, vacation etc.) he uses your underwear to masturbate. your underwear drawer is like a goldmine for him. he always feels like such a pervert, but he can't help it.

he also has a secret drawer full of your nudes, or pictures he took of you post-sex.

⁜ E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) ⁜

very much, but for the most part. he's a man of one night stands, so it's not usual for him to have casual sex with a partner. he was surprised at first, because he's usually doing whatever he wants, and doesn't care if the other person likes it or not. but with you, it took him a while to understand what you prefered, what you disliked and so on. so, while he's very experienced at sex, he wasn't well adjusted at first. so, in that sense, you were a first for him.

⁜ F = Favorite Position ⁜

doggy. he just loves hitting it from the back. you're also easier to maintain control of when you're on all fours. he loves how big his hand looks while grabbing your shoulders or your waist. he enjoys missionary too, but for him, that's for slower nights where you two want to enjoy being together, making love if you will, rather than seeking pleasure. he also loves lotus position. he loves how warm it is, how intimate you two become. he loves having you inside his arms while you huff and puff on his neck.

⁜ G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) ⁜

definitely goofy most of the time. he doesn't take himself too seriously when he's with you, because he's comfortable around you. but for anyone else, he would be serious, cold, and dismissive. but don't think you'll fly under the radar if he's angry, he's gonna be serious with you in that case too. but all the other times, he's really funny. i also think he'd be talking shit behind others' back while talking about his day mid sex, making you hysterically laugh at his innocent annoyance.

⁜ H = Hair (how well-groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) ⁜

hmmm... unpopular opinion, but i think he'd be completely shaven. he gives me the type to want his partners to be hairless too. but normally, yeah, the carpet matches the drapes. so it wouldn't matter too much if he grew them out, but he likes not having anything.

⁜ I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) ⁜

romantic sex with him is occasional. he has a high sex drive, and would have sex every day if he could. although, of course, he shows his love during the moment, his true love making is more rare. he's harsh with his moves 98% of the times, so it's hard to be romantic about that. but there are more intimate, vulnerable times where he just wants to enjoy making love with you, slowly as he feels the love for as long as possible.

⁜ J = Jack Off (masturbation headcanon) ⁜

he masturbates in the shower. he prefers not to masturbate at all and would very much rather a quickie instead. but if he needs to, he'll prefer doing jacking off in the shower.

he's also very casual about it. if you're not in the mood, he'll just do it himself without being offended or anything.

but there are times where he threathens to masturbate if that makes sense. like, "be good and do what i want, or i'll have to do it myself"

he also has a silly fake name for masturbation that he uses just for fun. like idk "going to town" or "taking junior out for lunch" or something. yeah he unironically calls his dick satoru jr.

⁜ K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) ⁜

somnophilia: he'd love to fuck you while you murmur his name in your sleep. imagining how you might see him in your dream drives him crazy and he can't contain himself. he'd fuck you while imagining all the ways you must be dreaming about him (of course he'll make sure you consent to it beforehand).

size kink: he loves feeling big and strong over you. he loves having power in the bedroom. he loves how much he stretches you with just two fingers.

shibari: he's big for restriction in general, but he'd go absolutely crazy if you were to surprise him wrapped like a gift.

exhibitionism: he'd love to fuck you in front of someone else as you cry with pleasure, praising how good he feels. he would love showing you off to someone else as he watches you lose your mind under his touch, to show how good you are for him and for him only.

spit: it's a form of discipline, if you may. if you act out, he'll tell you to open your mouth and spit in it, and order you to swallow. he'll praise you when you do it.

⁜ L = Location (favorite places to do the do) ⁜

everywhere around the house is okay for him, but he also likes having sex in semi-public spaces. dressing rooms, secret corners of beaches, a dark alleyway, elevator, hotel balcony... the possibility of getting caught makes him excited, even though he knows that will never be the case.

⁜ M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) ⁜

teasing playfully turns him on. he loves it when you're bratty. he loves it when you challenge him by either betting on something ("you'd last 5 minutes if i wore this") or telling him he couldn't do something ("no, you couldn't fuck me till i get a hoarse voice") (he did)

your moans and begs get him going. calling his name in pain and pleasure, that's his fuel. he loves being praised, being told how good he makes you feel, how handsome he is, how big he is and such. he'd cum on the spot if you ever tell him you love him.

⁜ N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) ⁜

hmmm age play is definitely a no no for him. baby talk etc. grosses him out. he also wouldn't want you to pretend to be one of his students. piss, scat etc. i think those are also given, he'd be weirded out by them. i guess any kind of bodily fluid other than spit, cum, or blood would be a turn off for him. i can see that there are times where a little blood turns him on tho.

also, hot take, but he doesn't like period sex. it's just messy all around. in the shower? maybe. he might have to give it a try first, but the idea in general turns him off.

⁜ O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) ⁜

loves getting head, and would expect to receive a good one. kinda a head pusher tbh. but he'd be down to give you head too. and for someone who doesn't do it very often, he's very skilled. if you ask for him to eat you out, he won't say no, but might expect the same in return. you have a stressful day and need to relax? he's already down on his knees.

also big on 69.

⁜ P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) ⁜

painfully fast almost all of the time. he has high stamina too, so he'll go on and destroy your insides until you can't walk. he'd slow down if you begged enough tho.

⁜ Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) ⁜

he loves morning quickies, but other than that, he prefers having normal, long paced sex. he'd like to have a quickie before he gets to work, or when you two are outside and he needs to release.

⁜ R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) ⁜

satoru loves riskiness. the possibility of being caught makes him thrilled. he already has almost no shame, so the risk is just another adrenaline rush factor for him. not that he cares about it tho.

⁜ S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) ⁜

no need to be unrealistic, i don't expect him to do more than 1 round. 2 is extremely rare. he has high stamina, so his 1 orgasm takes like 2-3 of yours. he has high libido tho, and would have sex multiple (3 at most i would say) times a day. but he definitely needs some time off between each round.

⁜ T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) ⁜

he doesn't own any toys, other than the ones you already own. he's not fully against the idea of using toys, but he would rather do the job himself. if you offer to use it, he would get very offended and put out a show. but other than that, there are times where he likes teasing you with a vibrator or dildo.

now that i think about it, he would probably buy you a jewelled plug as a gift. a baby blue jewelled one.

⁜ U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) ⁜

lol that's not even up for debate. he's a fucking tease. he enjoys messing with you, he'll do anything to make you frustrated. in the bedroom, outside the bedroom, anywhere and everywhere.

for one, he enjoys edging you. he'll make you climax only to leave you unfinished and frustrated. he'll make you swear at him, insult him, even hit him.

and he'll tease you about anything you do during sex, and do it anywhere. outside with your friends? "you remember how much you begged me to fuck you last night?" your family? "he calls me daddy too" like this man has no shame.

⁜ V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) ⁜

to your surprise, gojo is incredibly vocal. he doesn't hide his pleasure. his moans will be both growl-like and whiny. you love the latter more. his voice cracks in between moans and he sounds so desperate, which is ironic since he loves dominating you in bed. that's the only thing he'll compromise.

⁜ W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) ⁜

he loves using his blindfold as a leash on you. he'll wrap it around your neck and grips on it tightly as he fucks you from behind

⁜ X = X-Ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) ⁜

okay our lanky boy propoganda is proven false with recent manga chapters, this guy's buff and huge. though i would still say his length is his greater power, not his thickness, which imo makes his dick boyfriend dick. he knows how to utilize it well too. he can initiate pain or fuck without it if he wants to. red, sensitive tip. has one long vein all along his length. shaven completely.

⁜ Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) ⁜

the way i answered all of them in just one of these damn 😭 anyways still, he'll want in when he wakes up, during the day, and before bed. this man's always erect and ready to go. he'll even offer to come over where you work just to have a quickie with you. in his car, in your office, in his office, wherever. always asks for nudes, always sends you nudes, 24/7 spamming nsfw messages and memes. he's like a teen who found a box of low quality 80s porn in his garage in a dusty box and told everyone about it. it's sometimes cute, he can be funny about it. but there are times where he sends shit that actually end up turning you on. and within 3 seconds, he's got you laying on your desk with the tall man between your legs.

⁜ Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) ⁜

even if he's too tired, he won't fall asleep before you, because he loves watching you slowly fall asleep. he'd want to cuddle you, have pillowtalk with you, play with your skin, your hair, and watch you fall asleep on his chest while wondering what the hell he did to deserve someone like you.

send me requests or else

[inthehouseoffinwe]

Something just hit me, what do you think is Tolkien's "summer" in "kind-as-summer"??? Bcs Elrond is kind but.....summer??? Why summer? What is summer for Tolkien bcs I think "spring" - with the way he is usually characterized as "ever-kind-ever-wonderful" should be a better metaphor?

I live in a country that only has summer (and the occasional rain), no winter/autumn(unless u count the hotter dryer times)/spring, and I CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT AC!!! In four seasoned countries summer is beaches and vacations. But I don't see the joy in sunbathing when the sun is ALWAYS ON ME! Summer is humid and hot, no clouds to block the hot rays, sweat everywhere (not to mention being in a crowded space).

So "kind-as-summer". Summer is time with most sun, usually good for agriculture, but too much is too little rain, kills those greeneries. Maybe it actually means, Elrond is kind yea, but he sure as hell knows when to pull out his sword - he's knows his self-worth and knows how to not let ppl take adv of his kind heart.

(Love the idea that Elrond's - and Elros's - calmer/whimsical Sindarin roots are balanced with the Noldoran *cough* Feanorian *cough* fiery spirit : remember there's forest fire, but also candle-fire, camp-fire, and hearth-fire)

Hi!! Thanks sending this in! ^^

Ok so I feel like Tolkien was going from what he knew best - English summers.

Especially back then, the only months with truly warm temperatures where people could actually go out and have fun would have been summer months (June-August.) It was probably the only pleasant time of the year with warm breezes and the surroundings finally full of greenery. Idk much about agriculture but I think crops rely on the summer sun and dryer temperatures to properly grow. There’s more danger of a too wet summer than too dry or hot and it causes all kinds of problems. Generally summer is the most gentle and giving season.

Springs meanwhile are cold, stormy, and generally damp. It’s not warm enough for children to play or families to go out without precaution (coats, umbrellas, gloves even.) The sun doesn’t come out for weeks, sometimes months, at a time. The wind is cold enough to freeze you inside out for most of it. The days are still fairly short until May. Plants start growing and you see blossoms but most of them are short lived. It’s not a very kind season tbh.

(Ofc climate change and all that means weather’s going haywire so I’m going by early-mid 1900s England climate which is something I have briefly researched and would’ve been Tolkien’s experiences.)

BUT I love your analysis and it makes total sense for Elrond to be described as Summer for his fire too, hidden away but strikes hard and fast when needed as an all encompassing fire. Only takes a spark to start a forest fire right?

No matter how kind summer is, there’s an inherent fierceness and danger to it.

Just like no matter how kind Elrond is, if you push too far… well. You won’t like what you find. This guy survived some of the most dangerous periods of the First and Second Age for a reason.

(And I love your idea of the whimsical and fiery spirits encased in Elrond! The comforting fire of the Last Homely House, inviting people in away from danger and cold, mixed with the inherently joyous surroundings of laughter and playful teasing we see in the wood elves as a whole! And ofc the pure magical feeling that we definitely would’ve seen in places like Doriath to make that whimsical setting that takes all your stress away. Elrond’s infused it into his realm, he’s really the best mix of it all.)

[rabbitenn]

MATCHUP FOR @hell2electricboogaloo

Hello, dear and thank you for sending in a matchup request ! I hope this lives up to your expectations and I thank you too for your support <3

As I was reading your info for the first time, I knew exactly who your two matches were going to be hehe I’m hoping you like them !

Your idolish7 match is someone definitely on the calmer side. But don’t be fooled, darkness hides beneath that composed exterior of his, ready to strike as a serpent’s claws if you ever came to be in danger. He is definitely assertive, and won’t back down from confrontation, sarcasm and wit being his closest allies. Like you, he leans towards the artistic nature of the world.

Can you guess who I have in mind already? Well, come along, for it seems he is ready to read your fortune…

♡ NATSUME MINAMI

Like you, ZOOL’s resident songwriter is more on the introverted side, choosing to observe the scene, making the occasional snide remark with a smile on his face.

Even though he is highly logical and thinks before acting, Minami is quite the creative and imaginative guy. He has to be, to compose his band’s songs. Plus, art and music have been a big part of his life since he was little.

That being said, he understands your hobbies and your need to go beyond the mundane when you absorb yourself in daydreams.

Mina definitely has a calm vibe to him, so he’d be good at reassuring you and balancing out the hectic pace of your mind when stress takes ahold of you.

The way you view the world, and like analyzing media and art is something that really appeals to him. On times when you’re engrossed in a musical, play or song, he can’t help but be curious and want to join you!

What conclusions might you be reaching in this instant? He wonders…

—

His “I’m home” greeting falls on deaf ears.

The songwriter’s lips curve up into a knowing smile. Judging by the time, you must already be home, headphones on, immersed in some new song or musical.

A few steps into the living room confirm your lover’s theory.

There you sit, your laptop in front of you, notebook in hand. Your lips move in tune to what it seems to be a tranquil melody.

A few jotted down notes fill the pages.

Perhaps your take on the singer’s lyrics, maybe the beginning to a fairytale ending.

His amabrine eyes crinkle up in warm crescents as he regards you, so focused on your task, and yet your mind feels so faraway, drifting off into the clouds you seem to oftentimes cling to.

Smirking playfully, the idol sneaks in a kiss to your cheek.

You gasp, pausing your music, ripping your headphones off, almost headbutting your boyfriend accidentally in the process.

He dodges gracefully, his soft chuckles filling the room.

“Mina!” You yell, shoulders relaxing now, as you slump backwards on your chair. “You scared me… Did I hit you?” You ask, concern evident in your gaze. “I’m so sorry if I hurt you…”

The blonde takes your hands in his, smiling.

“Not in the slightest, dear, you didn’t harm me.”

You let out a sigh of relief, tidying up the table a little, pens, papers and your headset all scattered around.

“Good…” You breathe out, to which he chuckles again.

“You are cute.” Minami tells you, his face inching close to yours. Then, his eyes focus on your screen.

“What are you working on?” He glances in your notes’ direction, picking them up. “Song analysis or new story?”

You fluster a little.

“A little bit of both.” You reply, sheepishly. “I was listening to this song.” You pull up the lyrics on screen. “The melody is quite soothing… And I think I can relate to the artist’s words when she says she’s ‘too misty and too much in love’.”

Your partner watches you with a soft gaze, the golden skies in his stare, glinting knowingly, your indication to go on.

“When the term ‘misty’ is used in this song, I think it means far away from reality, alienated, in a way, seeing the world through a screen of fog.” You highlight the exact lyrics on your laptop. “Then, when she goes ‘can’t you see that you’re leading me on? And it’s just what I want you to do’, she’s singing that to someone close to her, a lover, maybe. The person who can keep her grounded, maybe bringing some hope to mundanity.”

You flip through a couple of pages in your notebook, showing Minami a space where you have scribbled something in colored pens. He doesn’t miss the little doodles on the edges of the pages, he would love to see your drawings more often.

“The singer speaks of being lost, and how she follows that someone. Otherwise she would ‘wander through this wonderland alone’.” You tap your pen on the page. “‘Wonderland’ here means real life, I’m guessing, which to her is an unknown place, but she has that someone to hold onto.” You raise your head, searching for your boyfriend’s gaze, already on you.

“What do you think, Mina?”

“I think you’re amazing.” The way he says it with a straight face makes your heart skip a few beats, the warmth of his honeyed stare, rising to your cheeks.

“Well… t-thanks…” You manage, biting your lip, as a shy smile tugs at the corners of your mouth.

“I quite like the piano in this song too.” He adds, replaying a fragment from the beginning. “I could play it sometime for you, your voice would go very well with the melody and lyrics as well.”

“Really?” You look up at him, a true wonderland of stars now glittering in your gaze. “I’d love that.” You add, finally, nuzzling against him.

—

Your outgoing personality once you get to know someone would balance out pretty well with Minami’s teasing tendencies. He enjoys teasing you sometimes, just to steal a kiss or two, or seeing you pout. (Don’t worry, though, he won’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable).

When you have trouble saying no, he’s there for you. With that enigmatic smile of his, and apparently soft tone that hides a menacing edge to it, he dismisses potential stressors to your plans. You can’t help but sigh in relief in these instances, thanking him as you lean your head on his shoulder.

Minami also finds your excitable, loyal and clumsy nature endearing. It’s so cute when you get happy about something; plus, he’ll always be there to catch you when you fall.

He thinks it’s so admirable you want to become a researcher. He’s studied abroad, and knows quite a few things about Northmeir and foreign languages. While those might not be the fields you’re interested in investigating, he’ll be there to support you and offer you every tip he remembers using back in his days as a student.

Taking into account zodiac signs now, yours and Minami’s happen to be highly compatible. His zodiac, gemini, and yours, taurus, enjoy the privacy of inner shared jokes and knowing gazes only the two of you understand. Both signs are fated to live long lasting relationships, a low and soothing fire that never runs out, keeping each other always interested, wanting to know and explore more of your partner’s mind and feelings.

While it is true that your mbti (infp) is more emotional and expressive of their feelings than intj (Minami’s mbti), both of you can make for a very stable match. You two have similarities, despite the differences in communication: intellectually driven and with a curious mind for learning. The stability born out of your differences, fitting into each other like puzzle pieces, make your match a lasting and strong one.

Both your enneagram types match very well too. Your 2w3 is sociable and helpful, looking after others, even at the expense of your own free time. Minami’s 5w6 favors the intellectual, logical and practical. Combined together, I do believe both balance each other nicely.

And lastly, Minami fits most of the requirements your ideal partner should have: he would reassure you that by being yourself you are not annoying in the slightest, and that any who get to meet you are very lucky; he has common interests with you too, and while some may differ, he does enjoy just keeping you company while you draw, write, or watch a musical. He is definitely a calming presence, assertivity is practically his middle name, and could ground you in the times when you are struggling.

♡ RUNNER UP: KUJO TENN

For your second match, Tenn is a very suitable candidate, taking into account both your personality and preferences.

He grew up studying overseas as well. And in that time, he had the chance to attend many musicals and plays. By which, he really understands your interest for media analyses and music. He’d be very happy if you told him about your research on the field too!

Tenn is totally the assertive type. He would have no problem in saying ‘no’ when you seem unable to. As much as he lives and works for his fans, he really wouldn’t want you burning out for the sake of pleasing others.

TRIGGER’s center really admires your hardworking nature. He always gives his everything and more, so he loves how much passion you put into the things you love.

The angelic idol deserves someone affectionate, he’s always offering his smiles and best performances for everyone, but who takes care of him? You could fill that roll pretty well, since you mention you stay true to yourself, doing your best to be affectionate and helpful.

[kennieswrld]

Break-Up’s (an analysis from a current three time breakup champ)

this was an old draft i felt was good enough to see the light of day, he was an asshole. but so am i.

It always start’s with me thinking, “Thank fucking god that was over” and “Who needs them? I was fine before them, I’ll be fine without them”. But, am I fine without them? No. Was I fine before them? Probably not. 

It’s so weird to wake up without sending a “gm <3″ text to that someone because they’re just... someone again. I know that sounds ‘fake deep’ and ‘woke’ of me to say but the quickness of love is absolutely insane. I can’t believe that only 2 months ago I was head over heels for a person I don’t even feel like I know today. I would’ve taken a bullet for them if needed and now I would certainly be the one to put a bullet in them (not actually! please! this is metaphoric!). 

Sometimes I wish I could’ve just withheld myself the night we met and just wallowed in the self pity I was wading in before you rang my dingy apartment doorbell. I wish I had left more space between our first meeting and second so maybe you would’ve thought I was more mysterious and withdrawn. I wish I wouldn’t have put out on our first night together so you would’ve at least stayed with me for a week longer while waiting for our first consumation. I wish I would’ve seen the warmness leave your eyes when you stopped loving me like I did you. I wish I never went to the mental hospital on our second week of knowing each other and could’ve just stayed with you for those two nights.I wish this would’ve worked. I wish you didn’t tell me, “we are two different people”. It’s all I think about now. I was born “different”. I have never fit in anywhere and I’ve been around the fucking world, it just feels like this is my fault. 

The first two relationships were laughably bad. I made mistakes and so did they obviously as saying I keep in touch with neither of them. But I weirdly expected more from you, which is odd as saying we met and dated and shared “i love you’s” in a timespan of 4 hours. I had never felt that sort of electricity before, and I damn well hadn’t felt those emotions a day in my life. I really believed you when you said you loved me just as I was honest when I said I did you, it’s just hard to wrap my head around the fact that you never did and that’s okay. 

I wish I could make you the bad guy like I did the two boys in my first two relationships, but I can’t. I wish I could be the person you are looking for, but I can’t. I wish I could change my lifestyle to fit yours, but I can’t. I wish I could make you love me back, but I can’t. And I think this is the hardest part of it all. I don’t want to become a stranger to you, but I also don’t want to become anything with you. For a while at least. Why? Because you fucking moron, I still love you. But I need to focus more on me. I was ready to drop my entire life to be with you for the instant dopamine I felt when meeting your alluring dark eyes, and that’s not what a person who is ready to love someone correctly should be doing. I need to stop acting out of emotion so much, but I’m glad for what you gave me for the short time we spent together (even when we were in those weird tensions). You showed me that I was just fucking broken and that’s completely okay and nothing wrong with it. And I thank you for that, but God how I wish you could just be a stranger again. Just so when we meet again one day maybe those feelings will come back tenfold. Even if I bitterly tell people you weren’t shit, you were the shit to me. 

I love you, even if you didn’t love me back.  

[torchickentacos]

It’s one of your ContestShipping anons ✨🌹 and just wanted to be like,,, look if you haven’t listened to the song “Stray Italian Greyhound” by Vienna Teng before 11/10 if you have a moment and want to have feelings I recommend it cause it gives me hardcore yearning Drew POV vibes like maybe Battle Frontier Era roughly,,, ?? Like the lyrics “God I just want to lay down These colors make my eyes hurt This feeling calls for everything that I am Not” and “I’m so good at shooting down any notion This tired world could change … but you had to come along didn’t you Rev up the crowd, rewrite the rule book Where do I go when every ‘no’ turns into ‘maybe’ So what do I do with this?” It gives him, it gives blorbo. It’s given me some writing Inspo for them which who knows if it’ll come of something but wanted to share in case it might make you also see shrimp colors. Thank you for running a cool blog for us for are feral for these nerds again

Oh my god, I am in love with this song. I had never heard it before, but you're SO RIGHT. It just SCREAMS Late AG Drew to me. It DEFINITELY gives me shrimp colors!!!!!

I have MANY favorite lines from this song after many listens. I took a few days to answer this because I REALLY wanted to take time to digest this song, to fully immerse myself in it and understand it, eespecially when given the context of our favorite green dude. Under cut because all of my anons just get essays at this point. I imagine that's what you're here for though!!! If you guys are anything like me, you'll read SO MANY WORDS worth of analysis and opinions on these two. Ok let's go!!!

The biggest lyric that hit me like a truck:

So what do I do with this?

This sudden burst of sunlight, and me with my umbrella

cross-indexing every weatherman's report

I was ready for the downslide but not for spring to well up

OKAY. So, the biggest thing about this to me is this: Spring and Fall. May and Drew's japanese names reference spring and fall, respectively- May, a warm sunshiney prescence and Drew, a chilly autumn breeze bringing in rain with his umbrella (but under the chilly surface sits gorgeous autumnal leaves!). And obviously, this lyric reflects the spring to his autumn, spring that he didn't account for. (I have a theory on Harley and Solidad being summer and winter or vice versa, but this isn't about them and I'm still working on it).

The next set of lyrics that got me was this one.

I've just settled into the glass half empty, made myself at home

I think this lyric fits because Drew is someone who is very comfortable within his own walls, something I reference quite often with him. He puts up walls and they are very difficult to knock down- he settles into this guarded aloofness, this careful, precarious arrogance. Which fits the above quite well-settling into and making yourself at home in a guarded cynicism.

Until someone comes along and knocks it all down. Below lyrics, fragmented.

These inconvenient fireworks / this sudden burst of sunlight / a love that won't sit still.

GOSH anon your mind. it is large. May is this bright spot, this loud firework of heart-on-her-sleeve emotions, this juxtaposition to his cool and calm disposition. tv tropes red blue character symbolism and all that. She's that sun to his clouds, the wrecking ball to the walls he put up so carefully, knocking them over as if they were but dominoes precariously stacked. GOSH I think this song is perfect for him tbh.

Anyways, you have added another song to my contestshipping playlist. as if it needed another. but here we go ALSO GUYS SHARE YOUR CONTEST PLAYLISTS AND OTHER SONGS WITH ME I LOVE DOING THIS STUFF SO MUCH. I love that I ask you guys to send me anons and you actually do!!! I have a LOT of inbox activity for a blog my size and it fills me with SUCH joy, genuinely.

[teklarn]

hi, this is my first ever ask so I'm not sure I'm doing this correctly, if that's the case I'm sorry; I don't know how tumblr works just yet >:')

would it be possible for you to write something about bakugo, pining incredibly hard for fem!reader and initially hating how strongly he feels about her? because they're not even friends, they only exchange few words occasionally and she doesn't even glance at his way whereas he slowly finds himself unable to divert his eyes from her during classes? shes always with damn deku and his friends and doesn't even seem interested in him at all but his heart can't ignore the way she looks at him proudly whenever they spar together, the way she sends him small confident smiles as they fight each other with all they have; so he thinks that maybe, maybe he might have a chance. basically bakugo liking reader so much he's completely lost in self-hatred because he always thought feelings were for weak romantics and not great people like him, but everytime he sees reader doing some badass things (again, like sparring with him and basically matching his skills etc...) he's reminded of how badly he likes reader? but when he finally accepts he's fallen for reader, after ignoring and trying to forget about how she makes him feel, he masters up the courage to confess? and it's a very clumsy confession because he's awkward and has no idea how to deal with those feelings? and he tries so hard to make reader realise he's never been more serious than now? and reader is startled and speechless before rejecting him? and at that point he's just completely humiliated, so he nods and walks away.

it might be a little dramatic but I've always been into unrequited love and one-sided pining. thank you, its okay if you don't want to write about this, i'll understand <33

𝓫𝓻𝓾𝓽𝓪𝓵 - 𝓴. 𝓫𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓰𝓸𝓾

character(s): katsuki bakugou x fem!reader (my hero academia) 

reblogs are greatly appreciated! 

a/n: AHHHHH this is so cute <33 honestly this is super exciting for me and this ask made me so happy, lovey. i’m fairly new to tumblr, i’m usually just a reader but i wanted to migrate here from wattpad so this made me so happy. here u are my love <33 i hope this lives up to what u wanted !! :)) a bit lengthy, but i had a lot of fun writing it !!! 

summary: bakugou finds he’s rejecting his feelings for you in fear of becoming weak, however he just can’t seem to ignore you. 

genre: fluffy, fluffier than the clouds istg, however the clouds are sprinking a little teeny weeny droplet of angst. 

warnings: cursing (bakugou, duhh), one-sided pining (on bakugou’s part) second hand embarrassment (on bakugou’s part bc we can all agree he’s a complete idiot when it comes to trying to get someone’s attention), just bakugou being a jackass, i gave the reader a quirk 

word count: 3,859 

(pls excuse any typos or mistakes, i edited to the best of my ability but i miss some things sometimes !) 

- - - 

part 2 is here my loves <3

brutal. it was utterly ruthless. he couldn’t focus, couldn’t think right. his hands were already exceptionally sweaty, but gosh when he saw your damn face, he was ready to explode. literally. 

what the hell was it about you? was it your stupid smile? or the way you just seemed to carry every battle on your back? was it all the undeniably sweet things you do for others ‘just because’? 

it made him angry that he thought about you, but gosh he couldn’t wait to see you every day. 

just like any other day, bakugou found himself staring at the large door to the classroom, awaiting the moment you would bounce into his day, skirt shifting around your legs, bag slung loosely around your shoulders. 

his leg was bouncing eagerly. 

bakugou didn’t know when the feelings came. his cheeks just started flaring up all of a sudden and one day you just looked...different. you hadn’t done anything different to yourself. it was just him. not that he would ever admit that, to you or anybody else. 

you were insufferable. you were stupid and obnoxious and so...so damn... 

“y/n! come look at this!” 

you’d come walking into class just as expected, and as soon as you did, that stupid nerd had called you over. 

it didn’t help that deku sat right behind him, either. the two of you had recently gotten closer. bakugou noticed it last month when he yelled at the two of you to shut up about all might and get to work. he’d turned around to find you leaning over deku, hands resting on his shoulders while you peered at his phone. 

“sorry, bakugou,” you’d said, barely acknowledging him. you had waved him off like an annoying fly. is that all you were to him? some nuisance that got in the way of your oh-so-entertaining conversations with deku? 

all he heard nearly every day was your chipper voice talking to deku. always, “oh my gosh, midoriya, did you see the fight edgeshot was in last night?” or “midoriya! i have something to add to our quirk analysis book!” 

that was the one that took the cake. you two dorks shared a notebook, occasionally passed between one another, and filled it with junk about quirks and pro heroes. but no matter how much he tried to tune you out, no matter how he tried to zone off and think about something else, you were always there. it made him want to vomit how much he thought about you. 

you were doing an adorable shuffle over to midoriya’s desk and leaned over the table as you usually did while he angled his phone your way. “did you see this hero report?” 

deku let you slip the phone out of his grasp to get a better look. 

“no,” you breathed. “was this just recent?” 

“yeah,” deku said, taking the phone back. “last night.” 

“holy—” 

“can you guys shut up over there?” bakugou said, his voice quaking. 

“sorry, kacchan.” deku scrolled through the article. 

dammit, bakugou thought. “i wasn’t talking to you, nerd. i was talking to shitface over here.” he jerked his head towards you. his eyes flared in anger when he saw you were looking down at your phone, now focused in on the article yourself. “i was talking to you, asshat!” 

your eyes flicked up to his. you looked around for a moment before slowly pointing to yourself as if to say, “me?” 

his face scrunched. “yeah, you. you’re so damn loud.” gosh, he hated how his voice was cracking, how he could feel his ears and cheeks lighting up in a swollen, cherry red. his stomach flipped. 

she’s looking at you, gosh i’m sweating. i’m going to throw up. she’s so gorgeous. what the hell? they’re ugly as shit, i don’t think anything of them. 

his eyes bore into yours. 

“did you...need something?” 

your voice broke his trance. 

“kacchan, are you okay? you dozed off there for a second. you look like you’re burning up.” 

bakugou looked to deku who was currently stretching out of his seat, arm extended. he pressed the back of his hand to bakugou’s forehead. “you’re really warm, kacchan. should we call recovery girl?” 

it took him a moment to realize what was happening. his vision got blurry every time he was with you. bakugou smacked deku’s hand away. “i’m fine!” his voice lifted at the end, cracking. “i’m not sick. don’t you think i’d take better care of myself?” 

“i don’t doubt you take good care of yourself, kacchan, but everyone gets sick once in a while. there’s nothing wrong with that.” 

“i never get sick!” besides, if i got sick, i wouldn’t want you to be the one taking care of me. 

he was still pissed. he was always in a bad mood, however, more so right now because you’d gone straight back to your phone and that stupid hero article that was supposedly so damn interesting. 

soon enough, the bell rang, and you were seated at your desk. it was jirou’s old spot, however, after much convincing, you two had switched spots so you could be closer to deku. just a few months of getting close to the idiot and you two are suddenly best friends. jirou hadn’t minded one tiny bit, claiming she needed a break from how loud that section of the room was. 

late as always, aizawa came trudging into your room. thankfully, his entire body wasn’t obscured by a yellow sleeping bag that smelled of something unwashed and coffee and gasoline. (for some reason, aizawa’s clothes always smelled of it.) 

“lucky for you,” he began while shuffling papers on his desk, “all of you are doing training for these first periods.”

the class cheered in perfect unison, followed by their individual chatter. you had erupted with glee along with them, and bakugou was sure he felt his heart clench and then explode. just a tiny bit. but he shoved the feeling down just as quickly as it had come up. 

“go out to the field and wait for further instructions. don’t make a sound in the halls otherwise, i’ll expel all of you.” 

this shut everyone up in almost a second, the sound draining out just as water does. the first years trailed out into the hall, single-file mimicking the positions baby ducklings would take when following their mother. 

bakugou found himself walking faster when he saw you take up your spot in the line, hoping to land his spot right behind you. 

unfortunately, this idiot who considered himself bakugou’s friend tugged him back. “bakugou!” a familiar voice rasped. 

“shitty hair, let go of me.” 

“hey man, chill out. wanna partner up if we’re doing training in pairs?” 

bakugou glanced at the line, the spot that should have been reserved for him now taken up by sato. 

bakugou tugged his sleeve from kirishima’s hand. “whatever,” he snapped. 

“sounds good!” kirishima flashed him a toothy grin and a thumbs-up. the bubbly feeling in bakugou’s chest died down as he stood behind sato, the overwhelming scent of sugar filling his nose, various candies that would go straight to your arteries. 

“you smell like ass, damn,” bakugou remarked, squeezing his nostrils together. 

luckily, sato was tall enough to not hear the insult, as he towered over bakugou by just another head. the line began moving like a sloppy train down to the change rooms. 

bakugou scoffed as he listened to your giggle. he should be making you laugh. 

- 

“you’ll be given partners randomly from this box.” aizawa held up a familiar red box. “inside are all your names. i’ll select one, then that person will come up and pick another name from the box. that will be your assigned partner for today. as soon as you have your assigned partner, i want you guys to get straight to work.” 

denki raised a hand, speaking before being called on. “sensei, why are we getting random partners? we’re always allowed to choose.” 

“in the real world, you’re going to come across different villains every day. you’ll never improve your skills or your quirks if you keep fighting the same person.” 

denki sighed, slumping back. 

dammit, bakugou thought, gritting his teeth together. there wasn’t any way he wanted to be partners with you. it’s obvious he’d win the fight in the first few seconds. 

yes! exactly right! bakugou internally grinned. his fluctuating feelings had finally soothed themselves. you were just another extra, and he had no room for you in his head. 

aizawa took a moment to fiddle with the slips of paper inside the box. soon enough, he pulled out a name. “todoroki.” 

todoroki walked up, digging his hand into the box when aizawa held it out for him. he pulled out a name, delicately unraveling the slip. “uraraka, you’re my partner.” he deadpanned. 

the brunette grinned. “great!” 

the two found their own spot on the field, and the class’s attention was once again diverted to their grouchy teacher as he pulled out another name. 

“bakugou.” 

bakugou strutted up without a worry in his mind. he pulled a name to find... 

“y/n,” he said, voice a low growl. instead of the annoying fluttering in his chest, his eyes met yours, and they were filled with a different, new ferocity. he crumpled the paper in one hand, letting it twirl to the ground. 

you looked at him, unsmiling. your eyes gave away nothing, and to bakugou’s knowledge, all you saw in him was another opponent. 

it took him a moment to realize you had both locked eyes for about a minute. perhaps the two of you would have stayed as you were if aizawa hadn’t snapped at the two of you to get moving as yaomomo’s name was called. 

bakugou was on his way to the back of the field, you followed close behind. while there was plenty of room still, he chose a secluded area. while it was still open enough to view everything going on so nobody got hurt, it was often nobody chose to train here. for whatever reason, you weren’t sure. 

“wait up, bakugou,” you said. after a bit, you caught up to him. 

“if you can’t keep up, then...” then what? he looked at you from the side of his eye. “then don’t keep up...” gosh, here came the embarrassing, disgusting feeling of redness in his cheeks. 

you laughed. “what?” 

“shut up.” 

“you’re an idiot, bakugou.” 

“i said shut the hell up!”

“what, so you can call me shitface in front of the entire class but you get all pissed when i call you an idiot?” 

so you had heard him! 

he tongued his cheek, curling his hands around an invisible ball, explosions sparking in the centers of his palms. “don’t expect me to hold back, dumbass.” 

“i wouldn’t dream of it.” 

gosh he loved that about you. 

bakugou caught his thought in the air. 

ahem...gosh he hated that about you. 

you both charged in at the same time. his cry was louder than yours, but you struck first. 

he admired your quirk. while he’d overhead you explaining all the drawbacks it had, it was strong, and you were strong because you knew how to control it. 

purple arrows flew from your arms, going in your desired directions. if you lost focus for one moment, they’d vanish and weaken. if you focused too hard or long, you’d be plagued by a splitting headache. 

he’d spent too much time obsessing over your strengths and weaknesses.  

your arrows were weightless, however they were solid objects capable of carrying any mass, any thing, and worked as extensions of your body. 

the violet arrow had shot out at him, twisting around his right gauntlet and crushing inwards. it’d snaked around him without him noticing, slithering along his back. 

bakugou struggled to get the air-light arrow off his wrist, but it was no use. he glared back, only to see your focused, furrowed brows. he’d expected to see your cocky ass smiling. it was nice to see you weren’t. 

that was one thing that had also caught his eye. you never underestimate your opponent, but you never underestimate yourself, either. 

you conjured a larger arrow. it snaked around your right arm as you hurled bakugou into the air, releasing your grasp on him. you shot your other arrow into the air, and it raced into the sky. 

it swerved. bakugou’s eyes went wide as the tip of the arrow came down on his chest. if they weren’t intangible things, he would have been bleeding out. 

another drawback: the arrows, while they could solidify, they couldn’t do any actual damage. you had to use your surroundings to inflict harm on your opponent. 

he coughed out as the arrow shot him into the ground. he hadn’t even touched you, and here he was, vulnerable and so...so... 

you stood over him, hands on your hips. 

vulnerable and so lost in that adorable, winning smile. 

“get away from me, idiot,” he grunted and turned onto his side, his back crying out in pain. 

“i think i won this fight, bakugou,” you chirped, rocking on your heels. 

“don’t get arrogant, shithead. you won’t be winning against me anymore.” 

you grinned, arrows shooting out behind your back. 

- 

the dorms were exceptionally quiet. you were typing away in the common room, bakugou on the couch reading. everyone was off doing something else. it was the weekend, luckily. he’d expected you to go bounding out with everyone else, however you’d stayed back, claiming you had some homework to catch up on. 

bakugou being classic bakugou had stayed back. he was excited to have the dorm to himself, but your dumbass was stuck here with him. couldn’t you have done your typing in your room? 

you were so aggressive on that poor keyboard. 

“oi, quiet down with your shit typing.” 

you barely grunted in response. 

“don’t ignore me.” 

“i heard you, mom.” 

“the hell did you call me?” 

no response. only your aggressive typing is a bit less aggressive. 

“i can still hear it,” bakugou remarked, eyes fixed on your back. 

“‘kay,” you said. your typing slowed a tad, and your pressure on the keys lessened. 

it was quiet now. bakugou should go back to his book. he shouldn’t still be looking for a reason to talk to you. 

the pages crinkled in his fingers. he bit his tongue, keeping his snarky comments in. 

“you’re a fucking idiot, you know that? doing your damn homework. it’s due tomorrow.” 

you turned, pursing your lips. “and how would you know what i’m working on? are you stalking me?” 

“i- what? no. you’re such an idiot, of course i’m not—” 

“i’m messing with you,” you breathed, face un-moving. 

“o-oh,” bakugou stuttered out. he blinked awkwardly. 

“gosh, what’s gotten your panties in a twist?” 

“you’re annoying.” 

“you’re a jackass.” you returned to your work. bakugou settled with reading in his room. reading consisted of jumping onto his bed just as the stereotypical high school girl would in an eighties movie. he buried his face in his pillow, face burning bright red. he cursed you for making him feel this way, and hated himself even more for how much he enjoyed it. 

- 

the next day came swiftly. you’d left early to go train with midoriya. there were many improvements needed to be made, but you weren’t doing too bad.

you propelled yourself forwards with an arrow, and your green-haired friend shot back, lightning flickering around his body. 

landing back on the ground, you panted and swiped the sweat from your brow. from the corner of your eye, you could make out both kirishima and bakugou coming to the training grounds. 

bakugou stopped in his tracks, frowning at the sight of you. 

it was evident he hated you a bit more than everyone else. he was always making his annoying comments, he was always snubbing you. you saw no reason to talk to him, so you didn’t. either way, even if you tried, he would still get angry for no reason. 

it’d taken you quite some time to get used to his obnoxious attitude. tuning him out had been the best course of action, in your opinion. 

the way you and midoriya had bonded was through bakugou, in a way. the first day of school, bakugou had snapped at you for tripping over your laces and nearly crashing into him. later that day, midoriya had stepped up and apologized for his old friend’s actions. 

you two had never been too close until now. the recent incidents going on with the league of villains had snagged your attention, and it seemed you were the only person who didn’t mind listening to him ramble on about heroes. 

you were just as passionate and just as dorky, but midoriya could talk your ear off. you never minded, and he always took the hint when you didn’t want to listen. 

you brought your leg up, twirling in the air with ease and watched your heel collide with midoriya’s face. he grunted, stumbling back. 

you were about to charge in again when a hand landed on your shoulder, big and rough. you turned to see bakugou standing behind you, a scowl on his face. 

“fight me again,” he demanded. 

“excuse me?” 

“don’t act like you didn’t hear me.” 

“i’m in the middle of fighting midoriya right now.” 

“so?”

“so if you think that i’m just going to ditch my friend because you want to fight, i won’t.” 

“you’re being stubborn.” 

“i’m being reasonable. back off.” 

“y/n?” midoriya rubbed his jaw—right where you had struck him. “what’s going on?” he jogged up to you and bakugou. 

“he wants to fight me in the middle of our fight. it’s nothing serious. don’t worry about it, midoriya. let’s just ignore him.” 

bakugou made a sound someone would only make if they were choking. “the hell did you just say?” 

“we’re ignoring you!” you waved him off and placed your hand on midoriya’s shoulder, wandering away. 

-

it was new to him, not getting what he wanted. and what he wanted right now was to be around you. again, it wasn’t like he would ever admit that to himself. 

“dude? you good? i thought you went off to fight y/n. i was so ready to cheer you on, dude,” kirishima’s chipper voice piped in. “she’s not fighting with you? why not?” 

“the dumbass was just probably scared of getting her ass beat by me.” 

“dude...that sounds really weird.” 

“whatever, shitty hair. let’s go.” 

- 

the clock ticked. his ears were on fire. again. 

gosh, it was happening again. it was all you. his face scrunched up, his voice would surely crack if someone were to ask him what was wrong. 

bakugou was once again stuffing his face in his pillow, hiding his expression from no one. why did you have to go train with that shitty nerd? why were you always around deku? deku, of all people. what did he have? why was he so great? 

bakugou was a man of many insecurities, but losing to deku? that was possibly his biggest fear. 

perhaps he wasn’t the nicest, or the most soft person out there. bakugou could admit that, at least. but he was smarter than deku. he was stronger and he was better and people liked him more. right? 

what was so...amazing about deku? 

it was often bakugou would find himself obsessing over little, insignificant things such as these. 

you were what he was thinking of most of the time. just yesterday, he’d gotten a test returned. he was expecting an eighty at the lowest, but more so expecting a high ninety. it’d come back exactly sixty percent. 

sixty. percent.

bakugou vividly remembered staring at your face. he also remembered not being able to focus because of it. his grades were dropping because of you. 

you were the only person to be able to do this to him. 

his heart grew quiet, but the pounding of his didn’t cease. he lifted his head. 

“alright, fine,” he said aloud. “you win, y/n. you win.” 

he settled with getting over his feelings the way he’d read them in his collection of romance manga. 

bakugou left his room and knocked on your door. (he was banging on it, but it was his nice way of knocking.) 

you answered, looking around awkwardly. “yes?” 

his hands shook. how was this supposed to go? sure, he’d seen it in romance movies and read it in books but it was always easy to tell whether the guy would get the girl or not. 

in this instance, bakugou was clueless. for once in his life, he was clueless. you stood, tapping your foot with a hand on your hip, waiting expectantly for him to tell you why he was here. 

“um.” he scratched behind his neck. “you uh- i uh...i’m sorry i called you a, um...a shitface.” 

“okay? is that it?” 

what? come on! it was already unlike him to apologize. what else did you want from him? 

“did you...i’ve been thinking, maybe? maybe we could..train together as...friends?”  

“...what?” 

gosh dammit, as friends? 

“whatever, um...the uh...” oh gosh, what did the boys do in all the books he’d read? right! bakugou stretched out his arm, resting his forearm on the door, leaning to the side. 

although he didn’t, really, because like the clumsy jackass he was, bakugou missed completely and nearly toppled to the floor. 

this earned a snicker from you. 

his stomach flipped and churned, and bakugou found himself unable to reach your eyes. “uh, would you maybe..? okay, um. do you want to go on a date with me? you absolute fucking dumbass.” 

your eyes flew wide. “...what?” 

“no, that’s not what i— i mean i didn’t mean the last part. um, i meant the first part. the first two parts. the part where i was asking you if you wanted to go on a date with me and then before that when i said maybe because it’s still a maybe until you say yes. or...or no because that’s an option too.” 

he swallowed. 

you resisted the urge to mock him, just a little bit. “um, bakugou, listen.” 

he leaned closer. “yes?” 

“it’s going to be a no. i’m sorry, but i’m just not interested in you like that.” 

it took him a moment to register everything. his shoulders sagged. gosh that was brutal. 

“oh, alright.” 

“yeah, uh, sorry about that.” you offered him a weak smile, still a bit shocked yourself. he did his best to return it, and when you closed the door, his face was ready to explode. 

it was so damn difficult to deal with these feelings, but maybe it was better this way. knowing where you stood on your end, he knew he wouldn’t miss out on anything. 

perhaps it was alright to admire from afar. things could happen in the future, right? 

right now, he’d just wait. for a long, long time. bakugou pressed a hand to his chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat. maybe it was alright to not have you right now. perhaps he could better himself for you. just for you. 

[jungshook69]

.:☆.°☾.Jealous.☾°.☆.:

DISCLAIMER: This doesn’t represent the members’ actions or the army’s actions in any manner it’s pure fiction. This is an original work, do not copy. The taglist is open if you want. Taglist is now closed.

WORD COUNT: 1358 words

PAIRING/S: Jungkook X female reader

GENRE: Established relationship au ; Oneshot/Imagine

WARNINGS: None

ABOUT: This oneshot is part of a 7 part BTS imagine called “Jealous”. This oneshot is a reaction imagine of how each member would get jealous of their s/o in a given situation.

7 PARTS: Namjoon || Seokjin || Yoongi || Hoseok || Jimin || Taehyung || Jungkook

STATUS: Complete

☆.。.:*・°☾.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☾☆.。.:*・°☾.。.:*・

You felt a bead of sweat travel down your forehead as your legs moved at an incredulous rate on the treadmill beneath you. Your chest was heaving and completely drenched in sweat as you tried to keep your staggered breath steady. You shut your eyes close, as you tried to engross yourself in the music blasting through your air pods.

Two minutes later you heard the familiar beeping of the machine underneath you, indicating that your hour on the treadmill was over. You hopped off and turned your attention to the rest of the folks in the gym, disconnecting your air pods simultaneously.

You watch Taehyung, Yoongi and Namjoon lifting kettle bells in the corner, Jimin and Hoseok were still running on the treadmills and lastly Jin was situated on a pec-deck machine, and your boyfriend Jungkook was seated beside the older, lifting dumbbells.

You were their personal fitness trainer and took exercise very seriously. You liked to maintain a healthy lifestyle and were incredibly proud of your toned abs that were sprawled across your abdomen, as you took a quick take of your figure in the gym mirror.

You made your way over to Jin and Jungkook and observed Jin’s figure. Now this may sound a little weird, but you never ogled anyone in the gym. You didn’t look at them with lust. When you were observing someone’s figure, who in this case was Jin in a black tank top, you always kept it professional. Your mind immediately kicked into auto drive as you begin thinking about what machine you would recommend them to work at next.

“You know Jin oppa, you don’t need the pec-deck machine.” You spoke up after a minute of thinking.

You caught Jungkook’s attention too. “What?” Jin spoke up.

“See, you already have pretty broad shoulders like Taehyung, but your shoulders are already pretty uplifted naturally. So this makes it appear as though you’re naturally toned at the chest. And trust me when I say you have a great upper toned figure already. I think you should work on your quads. So I think you should ditch the 25 minutes over here every week and swap it out for 40 minutes on the seated leg press machine.” You state your analysis.

“Okay” Jin said without a complaint, moving to switch spots for the rest of the session. This is what you loved about working with them. They always respected your decision and knew that whatever was being suggested was only to make them a better version of themselves.

You were about to move on to the trio lifting the kettle bells, when Jungkook’s feeble voice stopped you, “Noona, what about me? Do I need to change anything?” he said his eyes sparkling.

That was something you found astonishing about him. How his face represented that of a young teenage boy, his doe eyes sparkling, while his body was that of a muscle man. But recently after you had complimented him on his cute face, he had taken it the wrong way, and had decided to grow his hair out, indulging into man buns, in an attempt to make his face look more manly. You absolutely loved his long black hair, but you had kindly explained to him that he needn’t look all macho all the time to impress you. After understanding the situation he had decided to keep his long hair, as he’d fallen in love his new look.

“Noona?” Jungkook’s soft voice disrupted the array of your thoughts.

“Yeah… no… you don’t need to change anything babe, I think your routine is fine, at least for another month.” You said turning on your heels to move towards the trio in the other corner of the gym.

Before you knew it, you were assessing the three and assigning them their respective machines. You were right in the middle of checking Yoongi’s weight plates so it wouldn’t be too strenuous on his fragile shoulders, when a loud yelp echoed off the walls of the gym followed by a loud thump. You motioned the others to wait as you ran towards the source of the familiar voice.

Your eyes met with the sight of Jungkook’s left hand gripping his right shoulder, his eyebrows furrowed, his mouth partially open, gasping for air, a pained expression written all over his sweaty face. Your eyes shifted to multiple giant weight plates all on a pile on the floor, having slid of the dumbbell bar.

“What do you think you’re doing?” your voice half-laced with annoyance, half with concern.

“I was just… lifting weights” he said breathlessly.

“Yeah I can see that. But why are they out of your weight class? Why did you add on an extra 10 pounds to the barbell?” you ask.

“I just wanted to try something…”

“Well you can’t just impulsively change your weight class Jungkook. It’s gonna strain your arm muscles. No wonder you got hurt.” You said crouching down to your knees as you tried to move his arm back and forth, checking on his muscle strain.

“I just wanted to improve my frame…”

“Well you can’t do that Jungkook. We follow a level of professionalism here. There’s a reason I’m your personal trainer.” You said sternly. Nothing came in between you and strict professionalism, and Jungkook knew that. It was part of the reason as to why he found you so enticing.

“I- I’m sorry” he said chest heaving.

“You gonna tell me why you really did that babe?” you say in a softer tone. You could tell Jungkook had a hidden intention behind his impulsive action.

“No reason.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit Jeon, tell me…”

“Fine! I got a bit insecure when you were complimenting Jin hyung’s figure, so I wanted to change things up a bit…” he said sighing.

“Gguk, hey look at me…” he immediately looked up to the voice of you calling him by his nickname.

“Listen… please don’t feel insecure… it’s my job to observe and analyze your guys’ figures and ensure you guys remain healthy and fit. And the comments I throw around about your bodies during our sessions are merely to decide what’s the next step to keep you guys in shape. It’s my job Gguk, you need to understand. I am in no way comparing you guys to each other okay?” you said calmly explaining to him.

“Okay…” he said a small smile forming on his lips.

“Promise me you won’t go ahead and do anything impulsive like that again… because if you hurt yourself, your fans are gonna be really upset and worried about you.”

“Yeah…”

“Mr. Jeon Jungkook, I never thought of you as the jealous type.” You said giggling after a short pause, trying to lift the tension in the room.

“Noona… hush” he says his cheeks turning red, as he refused to meet your eyes.

You drank in his flustered and disheveled state as you bent down to his level and thread your fingers through his long black hair. His eyes visibly widened as you closed the proximity between the two of you.

“You have some guts, telling me what to do Gguk…” you said dominating the chiseled man in front of you. You watched as his Adams apple bobbed up and down nervously.

“N-Noona… someone might see us…” he gulps, his breath uneven.

“Let them” you say connecting your lips in a steamy kiss, the fear of being caught, leaving a feeling of excitement shiver through your body. You let your tongue dart out, tracing a warm trail along his soft lips. Just as he opened his mouth to give you the entrance you ever so subtly asked for, you pulled your tongue away, completely disconnecting your lips from his.

You watched his hooded eyes, blown out with lust, flutter open, as he looks at you with his mouth agape.

“Sorry baby, duty calls.” You say standing up, smirking.

“B-But…” you watched his adorable red cheeks as he struggled to form words.

“I promise I’ll make it up to you tonight.” You say winking and walking away to resume your job, leaving Jungkook’s mess of state behind.

☆.。.:*・°☾.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☾☆.。.:*・°☾.。.:*

A/N: I wanted to try something different and write Y/N as a dom character and the male lead as a sub character. Also I wanted to show that Jungkook is a perfectionist. He wants to be good at everything, and he is, owing to his competitive nature. But I just wanted to make a point that he doesn’t have to be good at everything for us to love him. We all love him no matter what, and that he doesn’t have to strain himself, just to feel loved by us.

Don’t forget to follow @jungshook69​ for more content:) You can check out more works of mine here. Have a great day:)

TAGLIST: @yzkyzkuniverse​

ENDING NOTE: Hey guys! I just wanted to say I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of love my series got. I never expected more than 3 people or so to read my story. But you guys surprised me with the amount of people who liked my series. I just wanted to say a big thank you for the support as it motivates me to work harder and give you guys better works in the future. Sending you all a big virtual hug, stay safe, and I look forward to sharing more of my writing with y’all :)

[feralthoughtdump]

Arsonist’s Lullaby

Part One: Kiss With A Fist

Part Two: Only Angel

Bucky and his Angel’s relationship grow closer. 

Word Count: 6.8K

CW: violence, Bucky and his nightmares, John Walker being an ass, a little bit of fluff, smut, brief shower sex, Bucky steps on the reader with his boots, spitting, choking, spanking, Bucky using his metal arm, crying, FATWS ep. 3&4 spoilers

The cold air of the cargo container was strange, given that they were in a southeast Asian island. It sent a chill down Angel’s spine. Like something would go very wrong. They survey the empty space, searching for Nagel.

Sharon was certain Nagel was here, but there was no sight of him.

But Angel could hear the slight vibrations of music coming from… somewhere. 

She approaches the back of the container and feels around the rough metal wall. 

“Hey, I think he may be in here.” She beckons them over. 

Pressing a gloved hand onto the metal, she pushed, revealing a small laboratory in front of them. 

“You three go ahead.” She mutters. “I’ll keep an eye out with Sharon.”

Before they can say anything, she strides out of the container.

“You don’t need to worry about them.” Sharon crosses her arms as the door closes. “I know them well. They can hold their own.” 

“Oh, I know.” Angel chuckles. 

“Bucky likes to call you Angel, huh. Seems like you two bonded pretty quickly.”

She gives Sharon a humored look as they stroll around the dock.

“I thought psychopaths couldn’t form bonds.”

“You know I didn’t mean it.”

Their eyes dart all over the place, looking for any oncoming bounty hunters. 

“How’d you get my photo anyways?” 

“Heavy analysis of CCTV footage, a few phone calls, and a lot of digging. The photo was shit quality, but it was enough for me to go off of.”

“Was it enough to catch me?”

“I guess so. Then Zemo blew up the UN so we tabled the case.”

“Interesting. Maybe that UN bombing was a blessing in disguise. Saved me a life sentence in a high-security prison.”

They turned a corner.

“You wouldn’t have gone to jail. MI6 would’ve given you a job instead.” 

“Hmph. I’d rather die than be a servant.”

From the corner of her eye, Angel spots a passing black shadow. 

“Guys,” she presses a finger onto her earpiece. “Someone’s here.” 

A gunshot rings out from the container and the hairs on the back of her neck stand. Sharon gives her a knowing look and they turn the safety off of their guns. 

“Here.” Angel whispers, handing Sharon a knife. “It’ll come in handy.” 

Three bounty hunters transverse on them and they open fire, taking them down one by one. 

“We don’t have much time, hurry up!” Sharon yells into the earpiece. 

A bounty hunter wraps their arms around Angel and she grabs a knife, jamming it into their arm. 

Adrenaline floods her system, dialing her senses up to ten. A swift roundhouse kick sends another hunter tumbling to the ground. 

From behind her, she hears Sam and Bucky yelling and she runs towards them. 

“It’s in every action movie!” She hears Sam yell.

If her life wasn’t on the line, she would’ve laughed. 

“You okay?” She pants.

“No! We’re not!” Sam yells. “Zemo shot Nagel!”

“What? Where is he?”

Her question was answered when a container set fire and exploded. She spots Zemo standing atop another, donning a purple mask. Before she can point him out, he sprints away. 

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” 

Gunshots ring from her right and Bucky wraps a protective arm around her. In her peripheral she sees a bounty hunter riding towards her on a motorcycle, guns blazing. She quickly wriggles out of Bucky’s grasp and sends a knife into the tire, throwing the hunter off of the vehicle and into the fire. 

“Good aim.” He says, mouth agape in surprise.

“You just threw that dude into a fire!” Sam exclaims.

“Yeah, well, he was going to kill us.” 

 They continue to run through the maze of crates, turning corner after corner, dodging bullet after bullet.

As much as he hates to admit it, the sight of Angel in action, when her violence wasn’t directed towards him, sends a rush through his system. 

Zemo speeds towards them in a convertible, signaling them to get in. Sam jumps in the passenger seat while Bucky and Angel sit in the back. 

Her pupils are blown wide and Bucky swears he can feel the electricity radiating off of her. Without stopping to calm down, he grabs her face in his hand and presses a passionate kiss on her lips.

His heart skips a beat when she kisses him back, and in the corner of his eye, he spots Sharon giving either him or Angel, a thumbs up.

… 

Bucky makes it a habit to call her Angel all the time. He likes the way it slips off his tongue. He likes the way her eyes seem to glimmer when he calls her that. It’s as if the more he calls her Angel, she seems to glow more and more. 

He calls her Angel when they board the jet on the way to Latvia.

He calls her Angel when she sits down to change the gauze on her thigh.

He calls her Angel when they get to the Riga safe house. 

The more time he spends with her, the more he notices the little things about her. He notices how her tongue sticks out a little when she does her eye makeup.

He notices how her head would bop along to music in her earbuds

He notices how she’ll curl up on the couch, tucking her knees close to her body, while she sketches.

He notices how she’ll mutter curses in different languages. Mandarin, French, Russian, Spanish just to name a few. 

He notices how she took off her jewelry when she showers with the exception of a gold chain. A gold chain with a dangling pendant. A pendant of a little angel.

He notices how she uses apple cinnamon body wash. It made her smell warm. It made her smell like home. 

She gets along with Sam. Even Zemo. 

She talks about philosophy with Zemo and when she converses with Sam, they talk about music.

She’s a force to be reckoned with. Fiery. Just like Selby had said. A firebird. 

And despite her cool, hardened front, there was a gentleness to her.

The jet had touched down in Latvia late and night and they collectively decided to get a good night’s rest before finding Karli. 

He had woken up from a nightmare. Reliving the memory of killing Yori’s son. 

He didn’t know what compelled him to do it, but he padded over to Angel, reading Anna Karenina. Glasses perched on her nose, hair loose and resting past her shoulders. 

She looks up at him.

“Nightmare?”

Bucky nods, tears pricking are his eyes.

She places the book on the floor and stretches out on the couch.

“Come here.” She whispers arms open wider

She let him lay his head on her chest, nose pressed against her sternum. With gentle hands, she runs her fingers through his hair, slowing his rapid heartbeat. 

The serum had made his hearing sharper and from his position between her breasts, he could hear the soft thumping of her heart. It calmed him. 

“Can you sing to me?” He mumbles.

The hand playing with his hair stops.

“Sing to you?” She asks.

“Mhm.”

“I-“ she pauses “I don’t really-“

“Please.” He begs. 

She’s quiet, just calmly stroking his hair, then she sighs.

“What do you want me to sing?”

“Anything. Just… please, I want you to sing for me.”

She ponders for a moment before she parts her lips, voice shaky and quiet. 

When I was a child, I heard voices

Some would sing and some would scream

You soon find you have few choices

I learned the voices died with me

He closes his eyes and noses at her sternum. 

When I was a child, I'd sit for hours

Staring into open flame

Something in it had a power

Could barely tear my eyes away

The song is unfamiliar. He didn’t listen to music all that much anymore. And even when he listens to music, it was mostly from the 40s.

All you have is your fire

And the place you need to reach 

Don't you ever tame your demons

But always keep 'em on a leash

Her voice, still soft and quiet, is haunting. The way it wraps around the lyrics, warms his heart. He breathes in the smell of her apple cinnamon body wash. 

When I was 16, my senses fooled me

Thought gasoline was on my clothes

I knew that something would always rule me

I knew the scent was mine alone

He loves the way he can feel her chest move up and down. The way her voice sounds so rich with his ear pressed against her chest, the music echoing within her ribs.

All you have is your fire

And the place you need to reach

Don't you ever tame your demons 

But always keep 'em on a leash

He reaches his hand to play with the angel pendant on her necklace. Finger running over the grooves. 

When I was a man I thought it ended

When I knew love's perfect ache

But my peace has always depended

On all the ashes in my wake

As he drifts off to sleep, he can hear the last lines of the song lingering on her lips. The images from war. The torture he endured, the people he’s killed, the amends he has yet to make, all temporarily fade from his mind. 

All you have is your fire

And the place you need to reach

Don't you ever tame your demons

But always keep 'em on a leash

And for the first time since Steve left, Bucky was able to sleep without disturbance.

… 

“You have a lovely voice.” 

Angel was pulled from her sleep when she hears Zemo’s voice. 

She glares at him and places a finger on her lips, shushing him. Bucky was still lying on top of her, still asleep and she didn’t want to wake him. 

“My apologies.” He smiles. 

“Were you watching us last night?” She interrogates quietly. 

“No, but I do have a keen sense of hearing. I heard you singing to James.” 

She turns her head to meet his eyes. 

“He had a nightmare. It was the least I could do for him.” 

“Understandable.” He nods. “My son used to have nightmares and my wife’s voice was the only thing that could put him to sleep.” 

“I’m sorry.” She mumbles sympathetically. “About your family, I mean. I know you lost them a while ago.” 

Her hand combs through Bucky’s hair. 

“I understand how vengeance and anger overtook you. You needed your revenge. But don’t hurt him.”

“Hurt who? James?”

“Yes.” Her voice darkens. “If you lay a finger on him, I won’t hesitate to bury you.”

Zemo sighs. 

“I have no intention of harming him. I see the way you look at him. It’s the same look I used to give my wife. You care for him dearly and given your line of work, I know you’d do anything to avenge the people who harm the ones you love.” He walks towards her and offers her a cookie. Angel takes it with a wary hand. 

“You’ve got anything else you want to say?”

“I do have a question about that song. I knew that something would always rule me.” He quotes. “Was that about yourself, or James?” 

She narrows her eyes. 

“It was just a song.” 

“Yet it implies that something will always have power, control, over the songwriter.” He tilts his head. 

“What are you implying, Baron?”

“It’s not an implication. It’s an observation. You two share a common trait. For James, it’s his past. His time as the Winter Soldier looms over him. As for you, you seem to have this, how do I say it, a compulsion to kill. It will always stick to you.”

“Baron, I suggest you pick your next words very carefully.” 

Bucky stirs and she lifts her hand from his head.

“Mmm. Good morning.” He mumbles, voice rough and heavy. 

“Good morning to you too sleepyhead.” She coos, rubbing his cheek with her thumb. “Did you sleep well?”

“Mhm.” He hums.

She gives Zemo a look that says ‘get out.’

Zemo gives her a smirk and walks away, leaving the two of them alone.

Bucky opens his eyes and Angel can feel her heart melt. He balances himself on his arm to press a kiss to her nose.

“You look cute with bed head.” He chuckles. “So pretty. I could just eat you up.” 

“You look quite pretty when you sleep.” She giggles and rubs her nose against his. 

He places his head back on her chest and they lie there for a while, listening to the sounds of the city. 

Finally, she sighs. 

“Alright, Bucky, I’m gonna go take a shower.”

He whines and wraps his arms around her.

“No, stay.”

“Bucky,” she says sternly, “I have to wash my hair, let go.”

With a huff, he sits up and lets her get off of the couch. As she stands she turns around spotting Bucky, arms crossed and a pout on his face. 

“I never said you couldn’t join.” 

Bucky jumps up and runs to her. He places his hands on her waist and turns her around, pressing a kiss to her lips. She links her fingers with his and he follows behind her towards the bathroom. 

While they wait for the water to heat up, she reaches into her bag to pull out bottles of product. 

He spots the shimmering bottle of apple cinnamon body wash and smiles. 

“Apple cinnamon body wash.” He notes.

“Mhm. It's inexpensive but it smells nice.”

“It does.” 

She places her hand under the stream of water and gets a feel for the temperature. The water is hot, just how she likes it. Her hands pull the t-shirt over her head and then her cotton underwear. 

Bucky waits for her to step into the shower before he strips down and joins her. 

A content smile crosses her face when the hot water hits her body but her peace is broken when she hears Bucky yelp. 

“Why is the water so hot?” 

“I like it hot.” She turns to face him and playfully pokes at his navel. “It’s relaxing.”

“You’re going to boil me alive.” He grumbles. 

“If you don’t like the hot water,” She bluntly states, “then get out.” 

She shampoos her hair, letting the bubbles froth around her fingers, and then she pours a bit into her hand and reaches up to massage it into Bucky’s hair. 

He runs a metal finger down her sternum, collecting a bit of the bubbles that run down her body. When his finger reaches her scar, his touch lingers. 

Seeing the guilt in his eyes, Angel places a finger underneath his chin and has him look into her eyes instead.

“Don’t.” She murmurs. “You’ll only torture yourself reminiscing on the past.” She pulls him under the stream, letting the water wash away the shampoo in their hair. 

She’s got a meticulous shower routine, one that she likes to perform herself, yet she’s okay with Bucky standing next to her. When she combs the conditioner through her hair, she does the same for Bucky, knowing it would soften his hair even more and make it smell like vanilla and pomegranate. 

She places a bit of the apple cinnamon body wash in her hands and rubs it onto his body. Her hands pay extra attention to the scar on his shoulder. 

“It’s got vitamin E in it. Helps with scars.” 

Bucky turns her around, making her face away from him.

She can’t see exactly what he’s doing, but she hums with relaxation when she feels his strong hands rub the body wash into her skin.

“You’ve got some knots in your shoulders.” He notes.

“I’m aware of that.”

“You’re stressed.”

“I am.” 

When the water washes away the body wash, the shower is filled with the scent of apple cinnamon. 

She’s surprised when she feels a kiss on the back of her shoulder but nevertheless, she enjoys it.

Bucky presses another kiss in the center of her shoulders and kisses her along the line of her back. He sinks to his knees and places a kiss onto the dimples of her back. 

“Buck, what are you doing?” She smirks, turning around. 

“I just wanna love on you.” He murmurs against her skin. “Can I?”

She blinks owlishly, then slowly nods her head. 

“Y-yeah” she breathes. 

Bucky places a kiss on her scar and runs his tongue over it, sending a fire through her. 

“Open your legs for me, doll.” 

She shyly parts her legs and Bucky smiles up at her.

He grabs her waist,  hoisting her knees over his shoulders, pressing her back against the wall. 

She lets out gaspy whines when he kisses and nips at her thighs, letting his stubble rub against the sensitive skin.

“Bucky,” she whimpers “we- we’re going to waste water.”

“Don’t worry about that, doll.” He murmurs. “Just let me make you feel good.” 

He licks a stripe up her folds, causing her to gasp. She grabs onto his hair, pulling him closer. 

“So sweet, baby. You taste so sweet.” 

She doesn’t reply. She couldn’t. Not when he was making her feel so good. 

She slaps her other hand onto the wall, trying to hold herself up. Bucky tightens his grip on her and leans in closer, continuously licking into her, making her head spin. 

She tries to say something, tell him she’s close, tell him she’s going to cum quicker than she thought, but the only sounds that leave her mouth are breathy moans. 

When he pulls away, she whines. He gives her a cocky grin. 

“Wanna cum?”

She vigorously nods her head. 

“That’s a shame.” He lets go of her legs, almost dropping her onto the tile, and wraps an arm around her waist to keep her steady. “We’ve got a big day ahead.” His tone is teasing, almost mean. “I’ll let you cum later.” 

She’s left on the edge, and she’s angry. No, not angry. Frustrated. Frustrated and desperate. 

“You’re mean.” She grumbles, shutting off the water. 

“If you give me attitude, I won’t let you cum at all.” He chuckles. 

She pushes him away and wraps a towel around her body. 

“I don’t need you to cum anyways.” She grumbles under her breath. 

As she walks away, he grabs her by the back of her neck and pulls her into his chest.

“If I were you,” He lowers his lips to her ear, “I’d behave. Now,” he releases his grip and gives her ass a smack. “Get dressed, we’ve got a lot to do today.” 

She digs through her duffel to find a simple red jumpsuit. The neckline is low enough to be teasing, but it had enough support and pockets to be practical. 

“Sounds like someone had a good morning.”

She turns around, a big grin stretching across her face when she sees Sam. 

“Sam! Good morning!” She cheers. 

“No need to good morning me when I woke up to the sound of fucking.” he grumbles, annoyance in his voice. 

She chuckles as she buttons the front of her jumpsuit. 

“So, Bucky tells me we have a lot going on today. What’s on the itinerary?”

“Hopefully, we can track down Karli and convince her to stop. At least that’s my plan.” 

“Sounds good.” 

He grabs his jacket from the chair. “I’m headed out to get something to eat. Do you want anything?” 

“I’m okay.” She smiles at him. “Thanks for asking.” 

Sam reaches the door and turns around. 

“One more thing, you’ve got a great voice.”

“Was I that loud or did no one sleep at all last night?”

Sam chuckles. 

“I think after the past few days, it’s hard for anyone to get a good night's sleep.” He looks down, fiddling with his fingers. “What you did… what you did for Bucky in Madripoor, when we were undercover…”

“What did I do?” She asks curiously. 

“When Zemo had him go all Winter Soldier, you fought alongside him, you got to that first guy before Bucky did.”

Angel is quiet. She says nothing, looking down at her hands and picking at her cuticles. 

“He might not say this to your face, but I’ve been around him long enough to know that he’s thankful. And so am I.”

She doesn’t know what to say. What would she even say?

“I can see now why he likes calling you Angel.” 

With that, the door closes. 

She walks over to the kitchen, looking through the cabinets. The shelves were fairly empty, mostly just tins of cookies and candy, and a box of cherry blossom tea. She huffs in frustration when her fingers brush over the tin of candy, barely moving it. 

“Need some help, doll?” 

Bucky grabs the tin and places it on the counter.

Her frustration is reignited at the sight of him in a tight, black t-shirt. She wants him to bend her over, fuck her until she sobs.

But she knows he won’t give her that.

Before she can grab it, Bucky holds it above his head. 

“You’re evil.” She mutters. “Come on, give me it.”

“Nope!” He smirks. 

“Go fu-“

She yelps when Bucky loops his thumb through the belt loop of her jumpsuit and pulls her close to him. 

“Remember what I told you? Watch your language.” 

“Give me the candy or you’re not getting head for a week.”

Bucky’s eyes widen and he hands her the box. 

“Thank you.” 

She presses a kiss to his nose and walks away with the box. 

She knows what Bucky’s doing. He’s riling her up, teasing her. 

But two can play that game. 

She sits up on the counter and opens the tin. 

Turkish Delight. Candy she used to eat as a child. 

He’s staring at her. She can feel it. Her fingers pluck a candy from the box and hold it up. 

“Want one?”

Bucky walks over to her and wedges himself between her thighs. 

“Sure.” 

She unwraps the candy and places a finger on his chin, beckoning him to open his mouth.

Her fingers place the treat on his tongue.

“Sweet, isn’t it?”

He kisses her and she can taste the sugar on his lips. 

“Almost as sweet as you.”

She grabs another and hops off of the counter, humored by Bucky’s frustrated look. 

“Sam probably wants everyone ready by the time he gets back. So, I don’t know.” She eyes him up and down, ready to drool at the sight of his arms. “Get dressed.”

“Oh doll, I’m already dressed.” He chuckles. 

“Good. Then help me out.” Her fingers deftly unbutton the top of her jumpsuit, exposing her black sports bra. She reaches for her harness and shoves it in Bucky’s hands. “Buckle me in.”

… 

Sex was the last thing on her mind when she’s face to face with the new Captain America. 

“Karli Morganthau is too dangerous for you to be pulling this shit.” He yells. 

Angel rolls her eyes at the sight of John Walker. 

“How’d you find us now?” Bucky replies, voice full of annoyance.

“You think two Avengers can walk around Latvia without drawing attention?” 

Angel’s seen his face in the news. Lemar, the better of America’s new dynamic duo. 

“No more keeping us in the dark, and you can tell us why you broke him” John points to Zemo “out of prison.”

“He did that himself, technically.” Bucky answers. 

“That is an unbelievable explanation! And who the hell are you?” He points to Angel. 

“I’m a friend.” She grumbles, eyes narrowed. 

“You have no business being here. And whatever you’re wearing, all you’re going to do is draw attention.”

“And your little Mr. America getup isn’t?”

“Why don’t you go back to working in European intelligence or whatever it is you do.”

“You better watch your mouth, Mr. Walker.” She snarls. “Is that really how you speak to a lady?” 

“I know where Karli is.” Zemo interrupts their feud.

“Well, where?” 

“All we know is,” Sam answers, “It’s a memorial. We’ll intercept her there.” 

“That means civilians, high risk of casualties.” Lemar states.

“Alright good.” John schemes. “We’ll move in fast, take her by surprise.” 

“Not a good idea, John.” Angel retorts. He halts in his steps and turns to her.

“You have no clue what you’re getting yourself into. This is an American situation.” 

She leans in until she’s staring into his eyes. Rage broils inside of her. 

“Let me tell you something John, I don’t care about your medals of honor. I don’t care that you’re wearing that red and blue suit. So I’ll tell you this once, and only once. If you dare speak to me like this again, I won’t hesitate to-“ 

Bucky pulls her back, giving her a stern look. 

“Hey,” he rubs her shoulder, trying to settle her anger. “He’s not worth it.”

“Oh, so she’s your little girlfriend huh?” 

Angel presses the tip of her knife against his chin and backs him into a wall.

“You stay out of Bucky’s business.” She seethes. 

“Hey, hey, hey!”

This time, both Sam and Bucky had to pull her away, but she keeps her murderous glare trained on him.

“Jesus Christ, Barnes. Keep your little psycho under control.” John spits. 

“Hey, don’t speak to her like that,” Sam demands. “Just because you don’t know her doesn’t give you an excuse to be rude.” 

“Either you show her some respect,” Bucky says “or all of the help we have to offer is off of the table.” 

Sam nods in agreement and eventually so does Zemo, who adds a small shrug. 

“I wasn't actually going to kill him.” She mutters under her breath.

“We know.” Sam pulls her into a side hug. He directs his words back to John. “I want to talk to her alone.”

“I’m not losing her again.” 

“Look, the person closest to her died. She’s vulnerable. If there’s any time to reason with her, it’s now.” 

“What?” John halts in his steps. “No, wait stop. We are way past reasoning with her.” 

“Sam,” Lemar states. “If you walk in there cold, you could die.”

“But if you walk in guns blazing, you could have the blood of hundreds of civilians on your hands.” Angel folds her arms. “Besides, if things go wrong, I’m trained in mixed martial arts.”

“You think a black belt will save you from  a super-soldier?” 

Angel snorts. 

“It has before.”

Bucky looks down and stifles a laugh. 

“I used to counsel soldiers dealing with trauma, okay?” Sam argues with John. “This is in my wheelhouse.”

They’re all silent, staring daggers at each other. 

“John,” Lemar breaks the silence “If he can talk her down, it might be worth a try.” He gives Angel a kind smile. “And I think we give this girl a chance to show us what she’s got.”

“Thank you.” She smiles back. 

“I’m sure this can all come to an agreeable conclusion.” Zemo points forward. “My associate is just up ahead.” 

They watch as Zemo approaches a young girl, handing her some money. She beckons them to follow her down a cobblestone path, into a building, and through the boiler room. 

“You’ve got ten minutes,” John states while handcuffing Zemo to a pipe. “Then we’re doing things my way.”

While they wait, Angel spends her time playing with her butterfly knife, spinning the handle around her fingers.

“How do you not cut yourself doing that?” Lemar asks. 

She spins the knife closed. 

“I have before, it’s just about practice and being careful. Here, I’ll show you.” 

Bucky observes Angel showing off her knife tricks to Lemar. 

Despite the stressful situation, he still felt a pang of possessiveness. She was his Angel. He gave her that name and when she said she’d accepted it. In a way, she was his and he was hers. 

“What’s your name? I don’t think you’ve ever told me.” 

He hears Lemar ask.

Angel giggles.

“It’s Artemis. Like the goddess.”

Artemis. It’s fitting, Bucky thinks. The goddess of the hunt.

“That’s really cool. Let me guess, your parents were huge mythology fans?”

“You can say that.” She chuckles.

His eyes narrow when she smiles at Lemar. 

Their conversation continues and Bucky’s jealousy burns brighter when she places her fingers on the fabric of Lemar’s suit, giving him a comment on how she’s got an eye for fashion and how nice the fabric was. From his position by the door, he sees her turn to him and give him a wink. 

Bucky scowls. That little minx.

John crosses his arms and stares daggers into her.

“What exactly do you do, anyway?” He scoffs. “Are you some kind of spy?”

Angel raises a brow. 

“I’m not a spy. I’m just a problem solver.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” John shakes his head and secures the shield on his arm. “Nevermind. I’m going in.” 

“Oh, come on John, it’s only been eight minutes.” 

“No. Don’t do that. Don’t patronize me.” 

“I’m not-” Angel sighs and turns away, focusing her attention on pulling her hair back.

Bucky stops him before John can get through the doorway. 

“It must be so easy for you.” John’s voice is full of malice. “All that serum running through your veins. Barnes, your partner needs backup. Do you really want his blood on your hands?” 

Bucky can see Angel slowly shake her head, telling him not to give in to John’s words. But he can’t. He’s already done so much harm. He’s responsible for the deaths of so many people, he can’t let Sam become another. 

So, he lets John walk past him, Lemar following along. 

Angel runs up to him. 

“Bucky, why’d you do that?” 

“I can’t… I can’t risk it. I can’t risk losing him.” 

She sighs and places a gentle hand on his cheek. 

“I understand.” Her lips land a gentle kiss on his nose. “But don’t let his words get to you. Now,” She grins and lightly smacks his ass. “Go make sure he doesn’t kill anyone.” 

With one final kiss, Bucky runs off. 

She turns around to see the handcuffs dangling from the pole. Her blood runs cold. Zemo escaped and who knows what he’ll do.

She runs through the halls, boots quietly slapping on the concrete floors. From her left, she hears a series of loud gunshots and crunching glass. 

Her feet lightly tread next to the walls, ears picking up every little sound. 

She jumps, heartbeat pounding when the thump of a body falling to the ground meets her ears. 

Did Zemo kill someone? Was it Karli? Another Flag-Smasher? 

She runs through the door closest to her. From behind a table, she spots John staring at a small vial. A small vial of the serum. Before she can say anything, he runs away. 

As she quietly walks into the room, she spots Zemo, lying on the ground, unconscious. No one else was here. 

She crouches down next to him and gently shakes his shoulder. 

“Baron? Zemo? Come on, wake up.” 

He doesn’t move. 

She picks up his wrist, pressing her pointer and middle fingers on the vein. A sigh of relief passes her lips at the feeling of a pulse. 

Her hands shake his shoulder again, this time, with more vigor. 

“Zemo!” She shouts.

His eyes snap open and he groans in pain. 

“You passed out Baron.”

“I’m aware.” He grumbles. “John Walker threw the shield at me.” 

“Of course he did.”

She offers him a hand and helps him stand up. 

“Can you walk?” She asks. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be okay.”

The two make their way through the city until they reach Zemo’s apartment. Sam was already there, typing away on his computer. 

Angel wets a towel in the kitchen and hands it to Zemo.

“Go, lie down. Put this over your eyes.” 

She walks down the hall towards Bucky’s room. With a tired sigh, she removes her shoes, jumpsuit, and harness.

Her eyes close as she lies on the bed in her underwear. The sports bra felt much too tight but she didn’t care. She was tired. Her morning sexual frustration had caught up to her but she didn’t feel like doing anything about it.

Even though it was only seven in the evening, she just wanted to sleep.

Right when she’s drifting off to sleep, the slam of the bedroom door jolts her awake. 

Bucky is standing in front of her, arms crossed, eyes filled with rage.

“Get off the bed.” He snarls. 

She laughs and rolls over onto her stomach. 

“No. If sex is what you want, let’s do it on the bed.”

She hears a sigh behind her and her eyes widen when she feels Bucky’s hands wrap around her ankles. 

“Buck, what are you-”

Her words come to a halt when he pulls her off of the bed and onto her knees. 

“You wanted me to fuck you?” He seethes. “Fuck you rough until you can’t speak?”

“That was the plan.” She smirks. 

He twists a hand in her hair and pulls her head back. Her breath is shallow as she looks up, meeting Bucky’s angry eyes. 

He’s mad. At the entire Karli situation, and maybe with her. But his anger towards her, she assumes, is fiery, lustful anger. Anger that she can have a lot of fun with. 

“If you had let me cum earlier,” She snaps, “ maybe I wouldn’t have been such a brat.”

She rubs her thighs together, trying to alleviate the arousal burning through her. A whine leaves her lips when he kicks her legs apart. 

He tightens his grip on her hair.

“You really need to learn some respect.”

Bucky places the toe of his boot on her back and pushes her face down onto the floor. She doesn’t resist, giving in to his dominance. 

“Aww, look at you,” he mocks, “You were so bold earlier, my Angel. Where did that fire go?”

Her heart swells. He’s no longer calling her Angel. He’s called her his Angel. She was his. 

Footsteps echo around her and she takes a shaky breath when his black boots come into view. 

“Look at me, doll. I wanna see those pretty eyes.”

His voice is commanding, authoritative. It drew her in, made her head spin.

She looks up at him with wide eyes as he bends down on a knee.

“Were you trying to rile me up? Trying to make me angry?” 

She nods.

Bucky roughly grabs her chin, cold metal digging into her cheeks.

“Use your words.”

“Y-yes Sergeant.” She squeaks.

He stares down at her, anger and lust in his eyes. 

“Open your mouth.” 

Her lips part and Bucky spits, letting his saliva pool on her tongue. 

His fingers press on her chin, closing her mouth. She swallows, heat burning in her tummy. 

“So now, you want to be a good girl, huh?” 

He picks her up by her neck and shoves her face into the soft mattress. His fingers loop around the elastic waistband of her panties and pull, the fabric digging into her cunt. 

“Yes, I’m your good girl.” She whines. “I’ll be good. Promise.” 

He leans in close, his warm breath brushing over her ear. 

“I don’t believe you.” 

He rears his metal hand against her ass, leaving a red handprint of her skin. 

A choked breath leaves her lips. She relishes in the pain and gives him a cocky smile.

“Is that all you got Sarge?” 

He lands another hard smack, this time on her thigh. A whimper escapes her lips.

“Oh, you’re really asking for it, aren’t you?” 

He shifts his hand on her neck, wrapping it around the front of her neck. She squeezes at the sides, slowing the circulation of blood to her head. 

She opens her mouth to speak, but the hand on her throat stops the words from leaving her lips. 

The clinking of his belt buckle sends a wave of lust through her. 

She was finally getting what she wanted.

His hand on her neck is released and she takes in a sharp breath.  

He pulls her panties down her legs and throws them to the side. 

She gasps at the feeling of cold metal rubbing between her folds. Her fingers dig into the sheets, grabbing at the fabric. 

“You’re practically dripping.” He muses, “Who knew you were such a masochist?” 

“Only for you.” She keens. 

“Only for me? Not for anyone else?”

“Yes! Yes! Only you!”

Bucky hums and lands another smack on her ass. She yelps and tears threaten to spill from her eyes. 

He shoves two fingers inside of her and she gasps at the cool feeling of the metal. 

She squirms around as he twists his fingers, pressing against that spot inside of her.

Hunger swarms her brain. She wanted, no, needed more. 

What he’s doing is sadistic, she thinks. Constantly bringing her to the edge, but never letting her tip over. 

He lets his thumb press against her clit and the tears she’s been trying to hold back spill over. She lets out a quiet sob into the sheets but Bucky doesn’t stop his movements. 

“I need more.” She quietly whimpers. 

“You think you have the right to beg?” He asks nonchalantly. “After that little show?” 

“I’m sorry.” She cries. 

Her eyes squeeze shut and she turns her head, letting her cheek rest on the bedsheets. When she glances up, she can see Bucky’s amused smirk. 

She feels the tip of his cock pressing against her entrance and she holds her breath. 

“Oh doll,” he coos, thumbing away her tears, “You’re so pretty when you cry.” 

A sudden thrust of his hips buries his cock inside of her. Bucky clamps his hand over her lips, muffling her desperate cries. 

“Shh, shh,” He whispers gently. “It’s okay, love. Be a good girl and take it.” 

He starts moving, his hips slowly thrusting into her. The fire inside of her burns, hotter and hotter. Her head is reeling as she feels herself come closer to her impending orgasm. Despite how rough he is with her, she feels safe. Safe with him. She feels safe enough to fall into submission, open and pliant for him. 

Her sobs against his hand become louder, more intense and he bends down to nip at her neck.

“Are you gonna cum, angel? Cum all over my cock?” 

She nods, eyes squeezed shut. 

“Do you think you deserve it?” He asks.

“No,” she mumbles against his hand. “But I want to.”

He brushes his fingers down the length of her back and she shivers. 

“You wanna cum, doll? Ask nicely.” 

He releases his hand and grabs her hip, pulling her deeper onto his cock. 

“Please.” She gasps. “Please, let me cum!” 

“You have to do better than that.”

“Please, I’ll be so good for you! I’ll never flirt with anyone again! Just please! Please, I wanna cum.” 

He picks up his pace, and she finds it harder to stave off her orgasm. 

“So polite.” He hums, “But not yet.”

She lets out a pathetic sob.

“Please.” She whimpers. 

“Be patient. You’ll get to cum soon.” 

Her breaths are shallow as she tries to keep herself from cumming. She bites down on her lower lip but the pain does little to help.

Relief washes over her when Bucky speaks again.

“You’ve been such a good girl for me. Come on angel, cum for me.” 

Her teeth bite down on the sheets as she’s hurtles over the edge, her orgasm sending shockwaves through her body. 

As her chest heaves and her mind becomes foggy, she can barely feel Bucky pull out and releases him cum on her back. 

She lies there, upper half sprawled over the mattress, a dopey smile on her face. A hum of pleasure slips past her lips when Bucky wipes his cum away with a warm washcloth. 

“You okay, doll?” He asks. 

She nods her head. 

The bed shifts as he sits on the bed and pulls her towards him. 

“Come on,” He lies down and pulls her close to him. He noses at the back of her shoulder. “Get some rest.” 

The sun was about to set, bathing their bodies in a golden glow. He runs his metal fingers over her bicep, cooling down her heated skin. 

She’s tired, so tired. Yet she’s happy. The first time in a long time that she’s actually felt happy. 

��Bucky?” She asks in a fucked out daze.

“Yes my angel?” 

A moment of silence passes. 

“You’re the only one who’s made me feel human.”

...

Once again, tysm @sojournmichael for reading over my little snippets of writing!

[thewhitejournal]

kind words .

Aaron Hotchner x Female!Reader oneshot

request: Hi, I was wondering if you could write an Aaron Hotch x shy reader where Hotch is always careful and gentle around the reader, but one day he yells at her in the middle of talking (maybe she messed up on the case) and she immediately shuts up and won't look at him bc it scared her so bad? If that makes sense.

alright @lovely-lady-lumps , this one is for you! i really hope that you like it and that it lives up to your expectations.

like and reblog if you liked it! :)

content warnings: angst, cursing, talk of murder/crime/violence

The team stood around in the large and finely decorated dining room of the Peterson’s home. They were waiting on a call from the unsub, as it was in his M.O. to do so. The daughter, Kelly, of James and Miranda, had been kidnapped. She was only seventeen, and as with most cases involving kidnapped children, time is of the essence.

Emily and JJ were comforting the parents in the nearby living room; they were both too distraught to pick up the phone when the unsub called. You were the unsub’s type, a younger, innocent-sounding girl. As the new agent trainee of the BAU, there were a lot of learning experiences for you to have. This was one of them. Hotch had so much faith in you that you could handle this case, even though it was one of the more emotional ones.

It would be a lie to try and say Aaron Hotchner didn't make a lasting first impression on you the first day you met him. You had to be interviewed by him to join the BAU. It was one of the most nerve-wracking days of your life

You took a shaky breath as you stepped out of the elevator, walking into the room you would soon learn to be was called the bullpen, where all the other agents sat. You could feel every pair of eyes in the room on you, piercing through your skin like needles. You moved your feet with care up the stairs so as to not trip, like it was your first time walking up a set of them.

Agent Aaron Hotchner’s office was only a couple paces away now. Sure, you've had interviews before, but this one was different. This interview would decide the fate of your career for the rest of your life. Not to mention you'd heard plenty about the man conducting it; he was stern, strict, not to be messed with. He was a fearless leader and wouldn't take anyone’s shit. You'd even heard once that a bullet was fired right past his head at gunpoint and he didn't even flinch. Your anxiety and nerves were riding higher than ever.

Your knuckles rapped softly on the wooden door. ”Come in.”, you heard his voice sound from inside. Your breath shook as you exhaled and your shaky hand turned the knob, pushing the door open into his office. It was minimally decorated, and that's an overstatement. He had only a few personal items on his desk; pictures of him and what you assumed to be his son. He had a huge smile on his face, holding the child in his arms. The boy wore a soccer jersey and a smile to rival his father’s.

Agent Hotchner stood to greet you. Immediately you were intimidated by his height and overall presence. His hand was huge compared to yours, and warm in a comforting way. He gave you a small smile while shaking your hand, which made you feel a little better. ”Please, have a seat.” He said, gesturing to one of the leather armchairs that sat in front of his desk. You did as you were told.

The rest of the interview went smoothly, other than of course your occasional slip-up and stutter. But Hotch, which he said you could call him, always comforted you and spoke in a low, soft, gentle tone. This was the last thing you expected from a man like him.

Ever since then, he's always been so kind and helpful to you. How could you not fall for a man like that? Oh did you fall, hard and fast. The whole team certainly knew, but you weren't sure he did. They are all profilers after all. Prentiss, Garcia and JJ would lovingly tease you about him and always asked if either of you had made a move yet.

The answer was always ’no’; he was your superior in many ways, and you weren't even on the team officially. Reid and Morgan acted like a mix between older brothers and guys that still wanted you but knew Hotch had your heart, so they didn't dare overstep any boundaries. Rossi of course was like your father, advising you to be careful but that he would certainly make sure Aaron would never be found again if he hurt you. You knew it was all jokingly...hopefully.

Aaron stood over you, along with Rossi, Morgan, and Reid in the room. You let out a small, shaky breath as you waited for the phone call that should be coming any minute. You felt Aaron’s hand rest softly on your shoulder. He didn't say anything, but the gesture meant a million words. ”You can do this, (Y/N). I'm right here.” You could almost hear him whispering it into your ear.

The phone rang. The room was silent; all eyes were on you. A shaky breath escaped your lips, and you turned to look up at Aaron. His light brown eyes searched your face, dark brows furrowed as he tried to read your mind. With his job, it was almost entirely possible. He gave you a small nod; you took that as a sign to pick up the phone. You gathered as much courage as you could and pressed the button to answer it.

”Mmm...Miranda, my compliments to the chef. She takes right after you, curves in all the right places except even juicer...” The distorted voice filled the room. You cleared your throat.

”This is Agent (Y/N) (Y/L/N) with the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI. Can Kelly come home, please?” You tried to sound as innocent as possible. Aaron’s hand squeezed your shoulder reassuringly, then his hand fell to his side. You had to speak in a way that would praise the unsub, say what he wanted to hear. He was a dominant sexual sadist; pleasing the unsub was the only way to get Kelly back to her family.

”And how old are you, young lady?” You cringed at the way he said it, but you kept your composure.

”25, sir.” He groaned at this.

”Sounds like a fair trade to me. Tell me (Y/N), what are you wearing?” Unbeknownst to you, Aaron was fuming. He hated hearing someone talk to you like that. He wanted so badly to intervene, tell the unsub to shut the hell up. But the case depended on this ruse.

”A white blouse. Your turn.” You yourself were starting to get angry. All you wanted was to help get this family back together, but it felt like you weren't getting anywhere.

”Nothing but a smile, darling.”

”Kelly’s mom and dad really miss her. Can she come home?” The innocent tone returned to your voice. A deep and distorted chuckle came from the other end of the line.

”No, no. I think I’ll keep her a little while longer. You should come and join us though. You sound like you'd be a lot of fun.”

Your blood was boiling, anger was clouding your mind. Tears were pushing against your water line, a few making it down your cheeks. You were biting your lip so hard you thought it might bleed. Word vomit was bubbling up inside you, and as bad as you wanted to control it, it all came spilling out.

”How could you do this to such a loving family, you sick fucking psychopath? What the hell is wrong with you, you freak? Can't you see the pain you've caused this family?” Even more tears spilled onto your face, and your fingernails dug into the palms of your hand, knuckles so white they envied the walls. The unsub scoffed from the other end, there was a scream heard, and then silence as the line went dead. Reid and Morgan looked at you with widened eyes. Rossi looked almost proud. You could see Hotch shaking his head in your peripheral vision, pinching the bridge of his nose. Your stomach sank. You knew you’d messed up, and it hurt you to know you probably let Hotch down. That was the last thing you ever wanted to do.

Garcia called Morgan’s phone, and he answered it quickly. “Hey, baby girl. Tell us you got something.” He immediately put her on speaker.

“I traced the call. I’m sending everyone the location.”

“Thanks, baby.” Morgan hung up the phone and shared a look with everyone in the room, including you. You saw Hotch motion them on out of the corner of your eye, but Morgan held his hand up at Hotch for some reason. You felt Hotch’s hand clasp your shoulder, and you looked up at him. His face was stern and hard like stone.

“I’m going to talk to you when we get back.” He said in a harsh tone, with a voice full of anger. You watched him hurry off out the door and heard the SUV’s sirens turn on and they all pulled away. You hadn’t even noticed Morgan didn’t follow the rest of the team out the door, not until he pulled a chair out from the table and flipped it to where his chest met the back of the chair. His arms folded over each other, resting on the chair. He sighed. You turned your head to look at him; with this motion, tears you didn’t even know had formed fell on to your cheeks.

“Morgan, I-“, your voice broke. You loved Aaron, all the stolen looks and little kind gestures. You didn’t care if it was inappropriate to say so, it was the truth. One thing you never wanted to do was disappoint him, but it seems you’ve done just that.

“(Y/L/N), it’s okay. Not everyone on this team is perfect, including Hotch. I know you’re not even on the team yet, but there’s no way he’s gonna let you go. Do you know why?” You didn’t answer; you figured he was going to tell you why anyway.

“Because you’re one of the most talented little profilers I’ve ever met.”, he continued. “You’re kind and smart and you’re damn good at this job. We’ve all made mistakes, but that doesn’t mean we’re not good at what we do. Garcia found the location of the call, they will find her. It’ll be okay, (Y/N).”

You sighed, wiping the tears from your cheeks. You wanted to believe that, but it wasn’t a guarantee. Morgan got up and motioned you to do the same. He pulled you into his strong arms, and it took every ounce of energy you had not to break down and start sobbing into his t-shirt. Your arms wrapped around his back and you squeezed his body.

“Thank you, Derek.” You muttered. He didn’t respond; his lips placed a quick kiss to the top of your head. He gave you a ride back to the police station, where the team would eventually end up. The family followed suit.

The unsub was caught and arrested. You heard a commotion coming from outside; it was the press, trying to get pictures and interviews from the team, per the usual. You looked up to see Aaron walking through the door with the rest of the team, with the unsub in handcuffs, pushing him towards a holding cell. The unsub looked over at you, did a once over of your body, and winked at you. Aaron noticed this and shoved him along a little more forcefully. The action made your heart flutter a little.

JJ went over to the family and told them their daughter was in the hospital and that she was going to be okay. They cried and hugged and thanked her. Hotch came back from disposing of the unsub to the local police, along with a couple of members of the team. “Great work guys. Wheels up in thirty.”, he told them. His eyes met yours, and he gestured with his head to one of the empty detective’s offices. You got up and followed him, watching your feet the whole way. Even when you went into the room and shut the door behind you, everything in the office seemed a lot more interesting than looking at Aaron. The blinds were shut and the room was dark, save for a desk lamp.

“(Y/L/N), the way you handled that phone call was unacceptable. The entire case could’ve been compromised and that girl could’ve died! What the hell were you thinking? I told you to stick to a script, tell the unsub what he wanted to hear. Was that not clear enough for you?” His voice rang out through the empty office, bouncing off the walls and coming back to hit you in the chest. You wouldn’t look at him. Your throat hurt, and tears fell on to your cheeks. You had one arm across your chest and the other propped up on it, fist under your chin.

“(Y/N), say something.” His tone seemed a bit softer now. His hand reached out to rest on your arm, but you shrugged him off. He sighed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I can’t be mad at you for getting emotional over this case, and this was a win for us anyway.” Your eyes finally met his.

His eyes were the soft, light brown that you loved. His lips were pressed into a thin line, apologetically you had to assume. You wanted to kiss him, but you knew that would be an overstep to your boundaries as a new agent trainee. His eyes flickered around your face, trying to read your emotions.

“Are you okay?” You nodded. He nodded back, in understanding. The tension in the air was so thick; you could hear your pulse in your ears and butterflies fought each other in your stomach. You were still looking at him, taking in every little detail of his face. He muttered for you to come here. You hesitated at first but stepped towards him. He pulled you into a hug, and you rested your head on his chest, taking in the moment along with a deep breath. He smelled almost like vanilla and something else you couldn’t quite put your finger on. His heart was pounding in his chest, which quite surprised you. You’d think he would be calm.

You pulled away from his chest, still in his arms. You could swear his eyes looked darker. Maybe it was his intoxicating smell or the fact that the room was spinning already, but you could’ve sworn he leaned into you. You copied his motion, lips only centimeters apart now. Blood rushed to your cheeks, making them feel hot. He closed the gap, kissing you gently. He pulled your body closer to his; you were now chest to chest. Your arms snaked up his chest and around his neck, pulling him closer to you.

The kiss deepened, and you heard him sigh; not one of annoyance, but one of happiness. He slowly pulled back from you, but didn’t meet your eyes. “(Y/N), I’m sorry, that was...unprofessional of me and-“ You silenced him by placing your lips on his again for a brief moment.

“I’ve wanted you to do that for a long time.” You both smiled at each other, lips meeting again. The team was probably getting impatient, but neither of you cared. Everyone won tonight.

[hyper-cryptic]

Nick and Hancock headcanons?

YES...YEEEEES. I am so eager to talk about these two! Especially Nick since I have been talking all day about Hancock, not that I mind of course. 😳

Starting with Nick!

He really likes animals. I have no actual explanation for this, he just looks like the guy that would take in a lot of cats and then have his house infested by stray cats. Ellie loves the cats, but they GOT TO GO.

He literally forgets he has his hat on sometimes.

I feel like he would like going on strolls around DC, for no reason, just to stretch the legs or to take a smoke. It’s calming for him to go around, seeing the city working and people interact with each other. He prefers going out at night, he likes the lights. :)!

He is actually very disorganized with stuff, forgets where he leaves his files, puts files in the wrong places, sometimes doesn't even file a report...I mean, look at his agency, it's a disaster and I adore it. If it wasn't for Ellie, who at least tries to organize when Nick is out, or busy, he would be so lost.

Okay but, he likes rain right? Imagine him just going out to his roof when it's raining and just be there. Maybe he likes it because of how it feels, the bits of pressure on his skin as the raindrops fall, and maybe the calming sound.

He totally meets up with Hancock every once in a while. Just to catch up with stuff. How is the town going? How are the cases going? Mostly casual things.

He is absolutely terrified of Piper, but in the best way. He admires her determination and how brave she is, but god, he wished she slowed down sometimes.

He likes coffee a little bit too much...Tastes good!

I honestly wonder how his vision is. A part of me wants it to be something similar to the V.A.T.S or even the power armor screen, has little colors and a lot of analysis shit. Or normal, full color vision with the analysis shit on, so he can be happier. :)

He really sweet food. He doesn’t eat much, but he likes to get some treats once in a while.

He likes children. This doesn’t mean he would like to be a father though, he thinks he wouldn’t be able to give the kid the attention he needs, and bla bla, you know him. But he sure enjoys spending time with Shaun and chatting with him, or just doing whatever activity. He is just interested in the dumb things the children do, thinks it’s funny. Imagine the feeling you have when you see a cat playing with whatever? Yeah, same feeling.

Likes to play chess...and he is real good at it. Thinks it’s a really fun pastime and enjoys watching your face as he totally beats your ass at chess, that is if you're bad at it. If not, he enjoys a challenge...if you win he’d be really impressed and give you praise, if you lose he keeps his smug face and suggests to try again if you want to.

Continuing that, he is really competitive. He's good sportsmanship, don’t get me wrong but he likes to be able to keep his ego as high as he can.

Would totally accompany Daisy to the library now that is safer, they both have a love for books. He is totally into dumb, noir novellas...You literally can’t tell me I’m wrong.

Now for my self-indulgent part of the headcanons...He has ADD! Yeah, if little habits like smoking would pass down to Nick, why not this? After all, it was a brain scan, it is totally neurological and ADD being a neurological disorder, it would make sense that it passes down to him! This would also explain how unorganized he is, and I got to say it is very interesting how a synth, a literal bot made for work has traits like “forgetting his appointments very often”, plus his impulsivity and fixation with Eddie. Besides, it makes me happy that I can find a character to relate to at that level.

He really enjoys the Silver Shroud plays. Not a super fan, but definitely enjoys the show! It’s something he would be into. (I actually don’t know if this is canon I’ve never heard him say anything about Silver Shroud, but he has some voice lines about it, PLEASE TELL ME, I WANT TO HEAR ‘EM SO BADLY.) Plus, Kent refers to him as “Synth shaped Silver Shroud”, he takes the compliment!

He is a good hugger. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it. He might be a good hugger, but he isn’t too sure about them anymore ‘cuz of how his body is built.

His synthetic skin is actually quite soft! Not really soft, but more than expected.

How to break him: literally place your hand on his cheek plus some eye contact and watch him melt onto it. He is pretty much touch starved at this point so any touch will make his heart skip a beat, but do that and he will be at your mercy.

He sends letters to DiMA (obviously once he meets him, accepts him as a brother and isn’t killed) every once in a while to catch up with him! Chase is the messenger. :)!

I just realized that I’ve written lots about Nick already, so! Now Hancock. :D

If he isn’t doing drugs, he’s chewing gum, well...not at that rate, but when he can get his hands on some gum he’ll have some! He really likes it! Mint is his faV. as a funny extra, he didn’t know that swallowing it is...bad, until Sosu or Nick tells him, LMAO.

He would have a pet snake if he could have one. Like really imagine it, he would love reptiles, and know all kinds of stuff about them. He probably really likes Deathclaws.

He knows how to play the guitar. No, I do not have an explanation for this, no I do not accept no for an answer.

He likes very sour or citrus foods, his taste buds are a bit fucked up thanks to radiation, so he likes the fact that the sour taste can make his buds go off the rails. And that’s why he could eat a lemon with a straight face and even enjoy it.

He also really likes coffee, not as much as Valentine but he really likes the strong taste of it! He would drink black coffee and nothing else.

Okay, okay! Last one about food! He is a texture over taste kind of guy, that’s a big reason why he doesn’t like Mirelurk, it’s slimy and weird, no matter how cooked or uncooked it is, he absolutely hates ‘lurk meat. His only exception is boba, he loves boba.

He probably goes around the house only in boxers...because. Doesn’t he give the vibes? Like he would be either shirtless or without pants on relax days or in the mornings.

Autumn is his favorite season. He just likes the orange view of it all, even tho there isn’t much of a change, he does like the chilly breezes that are very common around this season, not cold enough to be annoying but enough to be enjoyable!

He is probably warmer than a normal human because of radiation, so his hands and overall body are warm all the time! (another reason why he likes autumn and cold weather). But yeah! Cuddling and stuff like that are so much more enjoyable with him. :)

His favorite flower might be the carrot flowers there’s around in the ‘whealth. They remind him of the sun *looks at Sole*.

And! That’s all I have for now!! :D

[btsandvmin]

BTSandVMIN update: On “Spring Day analysis”, making videos and creating a Patreon

There are a few things I would like to talk to you all about, and things I have been thinking about for a while. I thought it was time to give you all a bit of an update on the things I am doing, want to do and how I might have to do them.

Ok, so first of all, as you know I have been working on the Spring Day analysis for quite some time now. In fact I have been working on it for so long it has long since stopped being just about Spring Day. Rather than being about Spring Day and Vmin it has become a collection post where I go through many similarities in Vmin’s (in particular Taehyung’s) songs and discuss themes and topics with Spring Day simply as the main foundation of inspiration.

The text kept getting longer and currently it is around 24 000 words long + images (130+ pages in google docs). I honestly don’t think Tumblr will be able to handle it. I have been thinking about what to do with longer posts for a while, especially after the Vmin analysis - 4 o’clock which didn’t show up in the tag, loaded very slowly, took a long time to re-make in tumblr format and also didn’t get that many notes. You all know I have struggled and complained about longer posts here on tumblr many times. Thus I have wondered what to do if I want to keep making them in a way that works. In particular even longer pieces like this “Spring Day analysis” or my even longer “Big Vmin analysis”, which might be very difficult to make here on tumblr in a way that you can all read properly. (Several of you have even told me about your app crashing when trying to read some of my posts and honestly Tumblr just isn’t made for very longs posts with many images.)

After looking into it a bit I decided to make a Patreon just to try, and I could literally copypaste the whole post with images and all in just a few seconds. (WHY IS IT SO HARD TUMBLR?)

Another reason I finally decided to make a Patreon is so that I could create a small community space for me and you; a discord. Through Patreon you get access and I can talk to you guys more freely, and you can also simply use the discord as your own place to enjoy and discuss BTS and Vmin with other Vminies that join my Patreon. I thought this seemed like a fun idea since I can’t properly talk to you all in more conversational ways here (even less so since this is a side-blog), and by having it through Patreon it also limits the discussions from possible toxic outsiders. Basically a safe space away from the haters and antis.

There were also the reactions I got after making my first Vmin video. I talked about that a lot, in many posts:

A personal dilemma What kind of power to influence shippers into becoming delusional do I really have? I don’t know what to do… Making videos…

The concerns I got about me making Vmin videos made me question what to do, and if I should stop making analysis all together if people really worried about what it might lead to. I want to do more good than bad, for the community and for BTS. I am hoping having this space and the discord might make it feel easier for me to keep doing this more comfortably.

I also got some really really sweet messages from so many of you that honestly warmed my heart so much. I mean, there is little I can say to truly let you know what those messages mean to me. Just as one example:

Thank you, to every single one of you for not only sending me love but also understanding and respecting my worries. It means more to me than you will ever know.  💜

The thing is that I don’t want to stop. I still very much enjoy writing and gushing about Vmin, and I also really kind of want to try making videos. So back when this all happened a few of you suggested Patreon, as a way to limit who sees my videos. And after thinking about it I decided to make one, for several reasons.

It might help me to have longer analysis. It keeps away unwanted attention and hate. I can moderate more and have better control. We can talk with each other more freely. I can post things I feel a bit unsure about sharing to the general audience. I could do videos without worrying too much. (And it might also help me with an extra income?)

Don’t get me wrong, I won’t stop posting things here for free, but I think I will post longer posts and perhaps more “analysing” types of videos if I ever get to that point on Patreon. Likely I will post shorter versions that Tumblr can handle, or divide posts into parts here, but keep longer versions intact on Patreon. So the idea is not to stop doing things here but rather to add some other things and extra stuff on Patreon (basically some bonus material, maybe some behind the scenes, sneak peaks and polls).

Right now my Patreon only has one tier “I purple you”, but if things go well the plan is to create a second tier if I ever decide to make videos more frequently and perhaps add some bonus material like Q&A videos where you can ask questions and I talk about them. (I am not sure yet, I don’t even know if videos is something that people will like.) 

I’ve set the price at 15 SEK, which is a bit less than 2 US dollars/month. I don’t know what I might do further ahead, but for now basically it will mostly be some bonus stuff, a way to read longer texts in full (because I will have to divide it into parts here on Tumblr) and a community platform (and of course also a way to support me).

I hope you will check it out and join me! I am especially excited about the discord and getting to talk to you all in a new more casual way!

https://www.patreon.com/btsandvmin

Right now I have the Spring Day analysis posted (I will post it here too, but I need to figure out how to divide it in parts in a good way.) and I also have 2 chapters of my Vmin fanfiction “The last color is our spring”. (Seriously, I suck at naming fics, it’s honestly one of the hardest parts.) Again, I do plan to post some updates, and basically “first edits” of posts or things I feel a bit unsure about talking about here (like more analytical videos), but for now mostly it’s a way to support me and join the discord so we can share our love for Vmin together. 💜

Also, even if you don’t join I will still appriciate you all and the love you give me here. Seriously, this is mostly meant for you, and only if you want it and like it will there be any point to have it. I feel it is worth giving it a try. 

Become a Patron!

[safertokiss]

Concentrated Interests

A/N: Hola my friends! This fic was my entry for the Secret Fic Swap I participated in with a couple of close friends on here and it was written and dedicated to @nerdgirljen​. It was so much fun to write and thank you guys so much for all the support and love!

Pairing: SPENCER x READER

Category: Fluff and SMUT

Word Count: 3.3k

ENJOY:)

~~~

MASTERLIST

~~~

Spencer had never really understood the concept of soulmates or love at first sight.

In his mind, it defied pretty much every scientific law about human interaction out there and was simply a coping mechanism for those who were romantically unlucky. At least that was what he had thought until a certain tech analyst walked through the BAU’s doors and into his life. 

He was frozen. Totally and utterly enamored by the woman his eyes were currently attached to. He watched her stumble into the bullpen, a large box situated in her arms, seemingly impairing the entirety of her vision and coordination, evident by the way she kept bumping into things in her path. It wasn’t until she hit a particular desk corner and spilled the contents of the box, her belongings scattering across the floor, that Spencer broke out of his stupor and took action. 

“Woah there, let me help you with that!”, he exclaimed, immediately rushing to her side and starting to collect some of the fallen items to put back into the box.

“Oh, thank you so much. Gah, this is so embarrassing. I promise you I’m not always this uncoordinated and clumsy”, she explained with a nervous chuckle. After everything was picked up and they both had stood up from their crouched positions, she hurriedly straightened out her skirt before outstretching her hand. “Hi, I’m Y/n.” She immediately noticed the slight panic that crossed his features at her gesture and was momentarily confused.

“I-uh-I kind of don’t, um, do the whole hand shaking thing. Yeah, uh, the number of pathogens spread through a handshake is staggering. It’s actually safer to...oh god I’m sorry you didn’t ask for a full-out science lesson. It’s, um, really nice to meet you, I’m Reid. Doctor. Spencer”, he sputtered out nervously.

Chuckling softly, Y/n retracted her hand, opting to instead lightly nudge his shoulder. “Well Reid Doctor Spencer, it’s nice to meet you too”, a teasing smile adorning her face as she spoke. Spencer quickly felt a warm blush spread across his features at the absurdity of his introduction.

“S-sorry about that. What I meant to say is that my name is-”

“Pretty boy!”

Both of their heads swiveled towards the sound, searching for the source, before landing on a man across the room.

“Hotch needs us in the briefing room. Stop flirting with the new girl and get your ass in here!” They watched him walk away chuckling before turning back to each other.

“Pretty boy huh? Well I guess it’s fitting, I mean you do have really nice cheekbones and dimples. And your eyes are kind of beautiful. Not that I ummmm-not that I think you’re beautiful or anything, it’s just uhhh...um...I’m gonna stop talking now.” Spencer could feel the blush returning to his features, watching the same happen to her, from the frenzied rambling that had just poured from her lips, but he found it endearing on her and quite honestly, really adorable. 

“I-uh I gotta go, you know, um deal with that, but it was very nice meeting you”, he sputtered out, sending a small wave in her direction. She shyly giggled at his nervousness which was surely reflected on her end as well. “See ya around Reid Doctor Spencer.”

“Spencer. It’s um-it’s Spencer.”

“Spencer”, she repeated back softly, nodding him off with a gentle smile on her face.

~~~

Spencer Reid was in love. The longer she was around him the more he realized he was completely and utterly in love with her, all of her. She was perfect in his eyes, intelligent, funny, a bit nerdy and just so adorable. The problem was just that he had absolutely no idea how to tell her how he felt. He had never really been the type to express his feelings to someone, especially to a girl as beautiful as Y/n. 

The female species wasn’t exactly his strong suit and he was very aware of that fact, painfully aware. However, he stayed hopeful that someday soon he’d muster up the courage to express his affinity for her. Realizing that today was definitely not that day, Spencer tried to push his conflict to the back of his brain so he could try to get some work done. Not before noticing that Y/n was slightly late, though.

Less than a minute after he noticed her absence, she came bursting into the bullpen with the largest grin adorning her features, an obvious pep in her step. Spencer watched as she skipped over to the rest of the team who were gathered around Emily’s desk, close enough where he could pretty much hear the majority of the words exchanged and profile their reactions.

He heard JJ ask what was making her so chipper this morning, and he chuckled softly to himself as he heard her immediately start rambling about whatever had her so elated. 

“Oh my god guys, you’ll never believe it! So a couple of weeks ago a good friend of mine asked me to help her with her website, because well...tech geek and all, so I got to mess around with all the software and went crazy! I was able to fiddle with the source code a bit and authorize a super high CRO and SEO to get her website out there. Not to mention all the growth hacking I was able to curate! Cool right?”

Y/n stopped to take a breath and noticed that the entirety of the team was staring at her with vacant expressions on their faces. She looked on with widened eyes as she asked, “What?”

“CRO?”, JJ questioned. Morgan awkwardly chuckled out a similar questioning tone, “SEO?” Of course that left Emily to bring up the rear. “Did I hear growth hacking in there?”

Her face scrunched up in confusion at all the questions that had just been hurled her way so suddenly. “Huh?”

“Baby girl we have absolutely no idea what any of the things you just mentioned are or what they do”, Morgan explained with a sympathetic smile on his face, as the other members nodded in agreement.

Spencer watched as Y/n’s face quickly morphed into one of utter disappointment at the knowledge that her colleagues had no clue what she was going on about. She had seemed so excited when she entered the bullpen earlier so he assumed she was probably very much looking forward to getting to talk all about it with her friends.

“Oh...that’s ok. Sorry for bothering you guys, sometimes I just get a little too excited and tend to ramble. I’ll um-I’ll talk to you guys later.” Y/n flashed them a small smile before making her way over to her desk, situated across the room near Spencer. 

“Hey Spence”, she shyly waved as she passed, a deflated look on her face. Trying to lift her spirits at least a little, he returned her gesture with a huge grin and wave, happy to see her smile brighten a bit at his enthusiasm. 

Once she was seated and facing away from him, he immediately found himself feeling overwhelmingly upset over her predicament. He hated seeing her look so defeated and down, she didn’t deserve to ever feel like that. She was simply too angelic for those kinds of feelings to permeate her mind. 

Spencer wished more than anything that he knew what she was talking about so she could go to him. He’d let her ramble to him for hours on end if it meant he could listen to her melodic voice and see her beautiful face up close. 

All of sudden Spencer slapped his hand against his head and groaned, “Of course you dipshit”, before pulling up a couple tabs on his computer.

For the next few hours his work was forgotten as he studied and learned pretty much everything there was to know about technical analysis and the programming that Y/n seemed so ecstatic about, anxious to give her, at last, a companion to discuss her passion with. 

~~~

“See you later Reid!”

Spencer’s head snapped up as he heard the people around him saying their goodbyes and goodnights, realizing that he had been distracted by his screen the entire day and that it was already time to go home. He watched as his friends walked out together, all laughing about something that Morgan had said, before noticing movement in the corner of his eye. 

As he turned his head he noticed that the only person who was still there in the bullpen with him was Y/n, and she was staring at the posse that had just exited the room, a longing look plastered across her features that broke his heart. Taking a deep breath and deciding it was now or never, he rose up from his seated position and made his way over to her, hoping that he had learned enough to lighten her mood.

“Hey there!”, he exclaimed when he had found himself right behind her. As soon as the words started escaping his lips, she jumped in her seat, her hand flying to her heart.

“Jesus Christ Spence! You scared the complete shit out of me!”

Chuckling softly at her overreactive response, he moved to sit on her desk, facing her heavily breathing sitting figure. “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just saw you that you were still here and was wondering why you hadn’t left with everyone else?” She quickly looked down and blushed at his questioning, embarrassed of her answer.

“Oh I-um they just looked like they were having a lot of fun and I didn’t really want to interrupt so I thought I’d stay back for a little bit to-uh finish up some stuff.” Once she finished her unconvincing explanation, Spencer leaned back a bit and studied her. While this was something he found himself doing often, always getting distracted by her spectacular figure, he focused on her body language more than anything, noticing the dark circles underneath her eyes.

“Y/n, you look absolutely exhausted. Have you even been sleeping lately?”, he asked, genuine concern laced within his words.

“Y-yeah I haven’t really. I’ve kind of been pretty preoccupied in the last few days helping out a friend. It’s really fun, but it’s also very time consuming”, she stuttered out, a small smile gracing her lips.

“Oh right! I had heard you mention that earlier today! That must be awesome getting to basically build your own website!”

“I swear I feel like a kid in a candy store doing that kind of stuff. I just find it so relaxing and exciting at the same time!”

“I totally get it. I was really impressed with how well you were able to manipulate the site’s conversion rate optimization-did you know that a site’s CRO and SEO are considered as two of the most essential tools required to run a thriving website or online business. It’s actually astounding how much the results differ between competition depending on their efficiency.”

All Y/n could do, while Spencer rambled on and on about her most passionate subjects, was sit there in complete awe. The sound of the tech-geeky words that spilled from his beautiful lips was simply orgasmic. Never had she met someone who seemed as enthused as her when it came to all her technical endeavors, and she didn’t know exactly how to react. Her biggest crush on the entire planet was sitting in front of her spouting off facts like they were going out of style.

However, amidst all the wonder that circulated through her being, confusion washed over her.

“Wait hold up! What’s going on Spence?”

“Uhhh, what do you mean?”, he questioned shyly, a blush coating his face.

Narrowing her eyes at him she expanded her questioning. “I’ve known you for months now and I can guarantee I have never once heard you mention anything even remotely technical. In fact I’ve heard you explain time and time again how confused you are by the complexities of the simplest of technology. Spill, pretty boy”, she demanded, maintaining eye contact with him.

Figuring out that he had been caught, he shyly lowered his head as the blush on his face deepened, embarrassment coursing through his veins. “I-I noticed how excited you were this morning when you came parading into the office, the wide grin that adorned your face, the skip in your step. And I heard you ramble on and on about your friend’s website and you just seemed so damn happy and then they basically just shut you down right away because they didn’t understand and I-uh I hated seeing you like that and wanted you to have someone to talk to. So I spent all day today researching and learning so you could have someone to talk to, so you wouldn’t feel alone. I-I’m sorry if that’s creepy or if it’s too-”

Spencer was suddenly cut off mid-sentence as lips smashed against his own, effectively shutting him up. His eyes immediately widened at the bold action, before he melted into the kiss, desperately responding to her fervent advances with an equal passion. 

Y/n moaned into his mouth as his tongue probed at her wet lips, begging for entry. The feeling of their tongues entangling was euphoric and they both wanted, needed more. Spencer gently grabbed her and, turning so they were both facing it, lifted her onto the desk and stood between her legs. As the kiss deepened, their hands began to tear at each other’s clothing, Y/n hastily undoing his tie and dress shirt as he all but ripped off her blouse, groaning at the sight. 

“God Y/n you’re so fucking beautiful.” He watched her eyes roll back into her head at his words as she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him even closer. “Please Spence, I need you. I need you so much baby.” His eyes sparkled at her desperate plea, mirroring her need wholeheartedly.

Backing away slightly he unzipped her skirt and dragged it down her legs along with her panties, quickly reaching up to also unclasp her bra. “You’ve got me baby, you’ve got me.”

She surged forward and reconnected their lips, her hands weaving their way into his hair and tugging hard. The groan that escaped his throat lit her body on fire and further ignited her need for the man in front of her. His hands, that had been cupping her face, drifted downward stooping to briefly toy with her breasts before reaching his intended destination.

She moaned loud and deep as his hands cupped her sex, gently rubbing his fingers against her. He could feel her buck her hips slightly, searching for more. Receiving the message loud and clear, he inserted his pointer finger into her, reveling in the throaty groans that poured from her lips. As he added more digits into her and gently rubbed her clit, their lips moved rapidly against each other.

Y/n needed more, letting her hands lower to the obvious bulge that was straining against his slacks, palming him incessantly. Moaning hoarsely, he pulled away and quickly undid his pants, desperate for some sort of relief. As he stepped out of his slacks and boxers, he watched her eyes widen as they took in the sight in front of her.

“Woah.” He nervously chuckled at her response.

“Uh t-thanks?”

Giggling at his uncertainty she reached out and dragged him in once again, feeling his swollen tip bump against her, both of them moaning at the euphoric feeling. Realizing how fast things had moved, he pulled back slightly to search her eyes. “Are you sure baby?”

Falling even more in love with him, her smile widened as she nodded. “I am so very sure Spence. I-I love you.” She watched the grin that spread across his face at her confession.

“God Y/n, I love you so fucking much.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he lined himself up at her entrance and swiftly thrusted into her dripping heat. The overwhelming feeling caused both of them to let out matching groans of pleasure, Y/n latching onto Spencer and wrapping her arms around his shoulders to get a grip. Once he was sure she was ok, he started slowly thrusting in and out of her, soon setting a steady pace.

“Oh Spencer! You feel so perfect inside of me! So, so good!”, you exclaimed, cries of pleasure leaving your mouth.

“Baby you’re so warm and tight around me, I love you so much!” 

“I love you t-too!”

He gradually increased his already brutal thrusts, Y/n feeling herself fastly approaching the brink of ecstasy at the hands of the resident genius. Leaning back on her elbows, Spencer used the opportunity to pound even harder into her wanting body, his own release just around the corner. 

“Are you going to cum for me pretty girl?” She couldn’t control herself after hearing his dirty words, unaware that he was capable of such a thing, feeling her eyes roll back once again. She nodded fervently, about to crash over the edge. All rational thought was out the window once his fingers found her throbbing clit, rubbing incessantly, catapulting her into her climax, her pussy clenching around his rigid cock as she came.

“Oh my god Spencer!”

Her reactions were simply too much for him, groaning and moaning uncontrollably, finding his thrusts sputtering out of control as his cock twitched deep inside of her, quickly reaching his highly anticipated orgasm. She felt his seed fill her up completely as he panted out her name over and over again, both of them coming down from their highs, breathing deeply.

“Wow. Fucking wow,” she blissfully sung, a wide grin coating her lips.

“Y/n, baby, that was insane. You’re insane.”

He helped her off the desk so they could redress and finally leave the office, noticing how late it had gotten. They couldn’t help themselves from sending each other giddy smiles as they put on their clothes and eventually made their way down to their respective cars. 

Neither one of them seemed ready to leave each other just yet, some unspoken feeling crackling in the air between them. Taking the initiative, Y/n leaned forward, gently connecting their lips in a kiss that held the same passion from earlier, but was much more relaxed and romantic. Pulling back after a few moments, Y/n’s eyes sparkled up at Spencer’s as she spoke.

“Spence, what you did earlier...no one’s ever done something like that for me. You have no idea how much it means to me that you would go out of your way just to make me feel comfortable and happy.”

“Y/n, I promise you I wanted to wholeheartedly. Nothing matters more to me than your happiness. I just-I just love you so damn much. I think I have since you walked in and dropped all your shit on the floor”, he said chuckling. 

“Heyyyy, that was one time jerk”, she defended, a matching chuckle evident in her voice. “But I know what you mean. I think I’ve loved you since you introduced yourself as Reid Doctor Spencer, that memory will forever be embedded in my mind.” She couldn’t stop the light giggle that fell from her lips at the thought of their first meeting.

Meeting her eyes, suddenly a bit shy, he gently cupped her face, “What if, from now on, I introduced myself as your boyfriend?”, he asked cautiously, anxiously waiting to see how she reacted to his proposition. Instead of answering right away she jumped forward, throwing her arms around his neck and connecting their lips once more.

“I would love nothing more, my gorgeously intelligent boyfriend.”

Taglist: @hopebaker​ @pastathighs​ @psychedellic-phase​ @gloryekaterina​ @sleepysnapesnake​ @racharr​ @etherealgubler @furiouspartyrebelhoagie​ @andiebeaword​ @liaabsurd​ @cielo1984​ @starkeybaby​ @victomizedbyreginageorge​ @rainsong01​ @moonlight-jukebox​ @gretaamyk​ @httpnxtt​ @rachelxwayne​ @watermelonstyl​ @goldnratio​ @peakyblinderficrecs @cheyxminds​

[bentforkent]

caffeine, small talk

spencer reid x female!reader, enemies to lovers

content warning: smut !!!!!!, oral sex (male receiving), explicit language, tiny suicide reference, general meanness & bickering (including slut-shaming and toxicity), also some fluff in there too :)

word count: 3,668

in which spencer reid is a royal pain in the ass and he & the reader butt heads. 

“would you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends?” - taylor swift, betty 

spencer reid is a royal pain in the ass. you don’t need to be a genius to know this as fact. as soon as you had stepped foot into quantico’s behavioral analysis unit on your first day however many years ago, the little shit had gotten under your skin. you had worn a lower cut top that day, you remember, and spencer hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off of your chest. when hotch introduced you to the team, you gave a brief speech about your background and education, and each member of the team was hung on your every word, except for fucking spencer. he had been distracted by your looks. you remember feeling conscious of his eyes on your cleavage and tugging your blazer closed. from that moment, standing at the front of the bullpen, feeling exposed to him, you decided you hated spencer reid.

“glad to meet everyone,” you had addressed the team sincerely, in conclusion of your introductory spiel. on your way to your new desk, luckily placed across the room and behind spencer’s, he reached out and grabbed your elbow, standing.

“hi y/n, i’m dr. spencer reid,” he had said. the individual introduction probably would’ve warmed your heart (everyone else’s sure did, anyways) if you hadn’t already decided that spencer would be your official workplace enemy.

“dr. reid,” you nodded curtly. you pulled your arm from his grip firmly and resumed walking.

“hey,” he called after you. “i wanted to tell you—”

you paused and turned to him. “tell me what? how good my tits look in this shirt?” you whisper yelled, trying to maintain some level of professionalism. unsure how to answer you, spencer gaped like a goldfish. “you should know, as a woman, it’s really uncomfortable when you can feel weird pervs like you staring at my boobs. on my first day.” you leaned in closer. “my first fucking day!”

spencer retreated to his desk without a word. he wouldn’t meet your eyes, and that was the end of that. until the case. your very first case. spencer was pissed that you had snapped at him, and subsequently took it out on you. his tone of voice was consistently harsh and condescending as he addressed you on the case.

“no, y/n, that doesn’t fit the profile.”

“well, actually…”

“you’re not experienced enough to understand this.”

“my three phds told me i should work on this map alone.”

the feud has escalated since then. everyone on the team is aware of you and spencer’s solid disdain for each other, and they make a point to keep you two apart nowadays. morgan had once gripped both you and spencer by your shirt collars and forced you to apologize to each other, when your verbal abuse of each other had turned dangerously unprofessional.

“y/n, did you know that the earliest documentation of a ‘miniskirt’ was in a 1962 article?”

“did you know that the earliest documentation of me kicking your ass was today?”

“no, listen, the men interviewed for the article were in favor of miniskirts if they were only worn on women they didn’t know. they liked to lust after other women in the short skirts, but if their wives or daughters wore them, they were seen as poor reflections of the men. as whores.”

“what’s your point?”

“you look like a whore today.”

“fuck you, spencer. you know you beat your dick to your photographic memory of my ass in this skirt.” you mimed an orgasm.

“it’s eidetic, and i’d rather kill myself.”

“would you please?”

“fuck—” spencer started, but morgan intervened here.

——————————————

“close your mouth, boy wonder,” you greet spencer, opening your door to let him in. it’s your turn to host the team for drinks and dinner. much to your chagrin, spencer is a part of the team, and thus receives an invitation. you find solace in knowing penelope will probably distract you from any interaction with the lanky boy. besides, whenever the team hung out at your apartment, he quickly left after a few drinks and a short chat anyway. you could survive him for half of a night.

spencer flits past you and into your living room. the team greets him in an uproar of “reid!” and raised drinks. derek sticks out with his chant of “pretty boy!”

“y/n,” jj calls, “we’re dry over here.” she raises her empty glass of merlot.

“more wine, or something else, my loves?”

there’s an absence of voices shouting between rooms as the team discusses. you lean against your kitchen cabinet with eyes fixated on your liquor collection. waiting. this team sure does take their drinks seriously, you think, taking the time by yourself to make yourself an old fashioned. muddle a sugar cube in bitters. add whiskey. as you’re putting an ice cube into the glass, none other than spencer fucking reid saunters into the kitchen, a notepad in his hand.

“i have a list of drink requests,” he says simply, expression blank.

“resident alcohol connoisseur at your service. hit me,” you reply. your tone is more joking than you’ve ever used with spencer, but if he’s caught off guard he doesn’t show it. he rattles off the drink orders, each one something you probably could’ve guessed. penelope always wants something fruity, emily always wants something strong.

when his list is finished, you look up from the liquor to him. “nothing for the boy genius?”

“i’m leaving soon,” he says, and retreats back to the living room, arms full with drinks held precariously. you follow with the rest of the alcohol, handing each drink to its respective drinker. they each thank you profusely.

because your couch isn’t big enough to hold the whole team, you sit on the floor, legs criss-crossed. the team makes lighthearted conversation about not murder and kidnapping for an hour, with you getting up to refill drinks once more in that time. “i like hanging out at y/n’s place, guys. she makes the best drinks,” derek says with a grin up at you.

“i was a bartender in my past life, i think,” you deadpan. penelope agrees with you loudly, with a slurp of her colorful newest drink accompanying.

“speaking of bartenders,” jj starts, and you see spencer visibly tense. “when are you leaving for your date, spence?” she says the word date with a sing-songy tone, dragging out the ‘a,’  and you suddenly feel sick.

the team, naturally, dissolves into excited chatter. reid? a date? you’re silent, focused on your cocktail as the topic of conversation isn’t exactly your favorite. spencer’s not your favorite, you mean. this isn’t about spencer’s date. screw spencer. you don’t care if he goes on a date.

you listen as he fills the rest of the team in on the story. he and jj had gone for drinks one afternoon and he really hit it off with the bartender. lauren, her name is, and jj assures the team that she’s gorgeous. spencer laughs a little, uncomfortable, and stands to leave.

a wave of anger surges over you. how dare he skip out on his friends to go on a date? “i’ll walk you to your car, spencer!” you say cheerily, the lightheartedness in your voice in direct conflict with your internal emotion. the team isn’t stupid, however, and they’ve never heard you be nice at all to spencer, so everyone is acutely aware that something is about to go down. the room feels like the air has been sucked out of it as spencer meets your gaze.

“okay,” he says hesitantly.

you turn to the team. “be good while i’m gone, my loves. the alcohol is on the counter if you, by some crazy chance, need a refill in the next five minutes.” you blow them a kiss, penelope pretending to catch it. the rest of the team stares up at you with wide eyes. “let’s go, genius.” you open the door and escort him out.

as soon as the door latches behind you, spencer pipes up. “what the fuck are you doing, y/n?”

“walking you to your car, dipshit.” there’s a pregnant silence as you walk down the stairs of your apartment complex. “you know, it’s pretty fucked up for you to skip out on team bonding because of a date, spencer, but i understand. i know how important it is for you to lose your virginity one day.”

“fuck you, y/n. you really followed me down here to berate me?”

“yeah, i was getting a little bored just letting you sit there silently.” you lean your side against his car as he unlocks it and tosses his bag into the backseat.

he copies your stance, leaning across from you and looking at you intently. “why do you hate me?”  his tone of voice is low, and you can tell he’s mad.

“you irritate me,” you reply.

“not good enough.” his hazel eyes search your face and even though it’s dark, you can tell they look like honey from the glow of the street lamps.

“you annoy me.”

“again, not good enough. those are synonyms.”

his calm demeanor is enough to send you over the edge. “i hate that you look at me, spencer!” you exclaim, raising your voice. “you make me feel like i’m inferior, like i’m a piece of goddamn fucking meat.” you push your pointer finger into his chest. “you think i’m less intelligent than you, you think i’m less qualified than you, and frankly, you’re a pompous asshole.” he’s silent in stark contrast to your yelling in his face. “i hate your date for tonight. i hate that the whole team loves you.  i hate your fucking cardigans and your fucking converse. i hate when you wear a tie but it’s a little too long or a little too short. i hate that sometimes, you wear a hair tie on your wrist but,” you enunciated each word with a stomp of your foot, “you. never. put. your. hair. up.”

“you’re saying all this, y/n, and i get it, i really do,” he speaks coolly. “all I’m hearing, though, is that you’re in love with me.”

“you cocky fucking asshole.” riled up, you turn and attempt to walk away. spencer grabs your elbow and you’re reminded of the day you first met.

“you hate my cardigans? my ties? my shoes? y/n, for someone who hates that i look at her, you sure look at me a lot.” his voice has less of an edge now, less arrogance. you hum, face still turned away from him. “i’m sorry, y/n. i’ve been a dick to you for years. i own that, and i’m sorry. but i think you came down here because subconsciously, you didn’t want me to get in my car and go on this date tonight.” his hand is still on your elbow, but you pull it away to rub your eyes.

he has absolutely deflated you. the anger you felt in the moments just before is missing, and you take his words to heart. it’s impossible. you weren’t in love with spencer, y/n. just tell him you’re not in love with him, it’s simple. he’s your mortal enemy. you’re not in love with him.

“i think i may be love with you,” you say meekly, finally turning to him. fuck. you meet his eyes for the first time in what feels like years. maybe it had been. he’s softer than you remember.

“y/n, let me kiss you.”

“i’m nervous,” you admit in a whisper. he rubs his hand across your cheek and you lean into the touch. “spencer, literally two minutes ago i wanted you dead, and now…” you trail off. he nods in silent agreement. the two of you stand like that for a few more moments, his hands cupping your face, your eyes raking his features. “…you’re pretty,” you finish quietly. “have you always been pretty?”

he pretends to think for a moment. “yeah, actually.”

you give a watery chuckle and pull away from his embrace gently. “the team is still upstairs. if you really want to kiss me, ditch your date tonight and come back up.”  after you press a hand to his cheek lovingly, you retreat to your apartment quickly, hardly giving him time to follow you.

when you reenter the apartment, the team is silent and staring at you. it’s obvious by their faces that they’d just been talking about you. you close the door behind you and press your back against it. “hi, guys,” you say.

“nothing? no harsh words about reid?” derek peers at you closely.

as you make your way back into the living room, you point a finger at him. “don’t profile me, derek!” everyone chuckles. you don’t plan on bringing up spencer at all, but the silence that settles over the team breaks you. maybe you’re just excited to talk about it, you think, and where once you’d push that thought away, now you welcome it. you gush about what happened in the parking lot, using your hands to emphasize important points. you give the team a short version, expecting spencer to be back up at the apartment any moment. how embarrassing would it be if he walked in the door and you were talking about him? none of the team seemed particularly shocked, but emily casually mentioned how funny it is that none of them had figured out that you and spencer were grappling with feelings for each other.

“if it makes anyone feel any better, i didn’t figure it out either. the only one who did was…”

“reid,” everyone choruses in unison. you dissolve into giggles until the time hits you. it’d taken you about 20 minutes to explain the situation. so much for the short version, but surely spencer would’ve been back by now. unless…you hadn’t considered the possibility that he left. that he actually went on his date instead.

penelope takes note of your sudden shift in expression. “uh, y/n, i hate to say this, but…”

you nod. “he would’ve been back by now, yeah.” you climb up from your seated position and walk to your bedroom, looking out of your window that overlooks the parking lot. “he left,” you call back to the living room, despondent. “fucking asshole,” you whisper. you can hear derek sigh even from your distance. you take a second to compose yourself. fixing your posture, vertebra over vertebra. you allow your emotions to shut off, any sadness you felt towards spencer’s obvious rejection pushed away and replaced with a void. you pad back into the living room.

“well, that’s embarrassing,” you say with a half-laugh. jj gives you a sad look. “anyways, anyone who’s not driving home tonight is welcome to get loaded with me tonight. i just got new shot glasses.” your attempt at acting fine obviously wasn’t flying with the team, and after a moment of silence you finally let it go and sink into the chair next to the couch.

“no more alcohol tonight,” jj says.

“yeah, agreed. i hate to kick you guys out, but i feel like i might just spend the rest of the night in the bathtub. with the lights off.” everyone agrees, standing to leave. you thank them repeatedly for hanging out with you, and apologize for the unfortunate ending to the evening.

you hug penelope, jj, and emily. as you’re opening your arms to embrace derek, there’s a knock at the door. you pause, arms still outstretched. you look around in a panic, and derek pipes up, “well, are you gonna get that?” you feel like you can taste the excitement in the air as everyone pieces together who’s just knocked.

you swing open the door, and there’s spencer, a large bouquet of flowers perched in his arms. “i’m sorry I took so long, i went to get—”

you cut him off by pressing your lips to his firmly. it’s a short kiss, but it says what it needs to say. there are hoots and hollers from behind you, but there’s no one in the room except you and spencer. “you frustrate me.”

————————————————–

you press tiny kisses along spencer’s bare chest. your friends are long gone, leaving pretty swiftly after spencer had shown up. you and spencer had moved to the couch quickly, lips locked, but not before he had explained what the flowers he bought you signified.

“according to the victorian flower code, red tulips signify a declaration of love. victorians used flowers to communicate feelings because courting someone and showing feelings in public was considered taboo.”

“that’s nice, spencer. i like that. is there a flower for “i thought i hated you but it was actually just repressed sexual tension?”

you lay on his chest, limbs entangled. he’s got one hand in your hair stroking gently and the other resting on your stomach, where his thumbs make unconscious circles. “hey, i have this pendant on my necklace, too,” you whisper, tangling your fingers in the chain around his neck. he’s silent for a long time. “spence?” you look up at him. he’s looking down at you, brows furrowed and eyes wistful.

“you wore that necklace on your first day,” he murmurs. “when you were introducing yourself to the team. and i noticed.” the wheels start to turn in your head. “i tried to tell you that we had the same pendant. i was gonna show you,” he sighs. “i was excited to tell you. but you thought i was staring at your boobs.”

you frown, twisting to press a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “i called you a perv. i remember.” he nods. you pout. “i’m sorry, spence. think of how different things would’ve been if i had just listened.”

“yeah, you should probably work on that,” he jokes.

“how can i make it up to you?” you ask, knowing fully well what your plan is. you move smoothly from the couch onto your knees in front of him. “how can i make up for lost time?” he doesn’t respond. he doesn’t need to. you make quick work of his belt buckle as he looks down at you through hooded lids.

time moves slowly as you unbutton and unzip his pants, and spencer is in agony waiting. you look so pretty. he lifts his hips slightly to help you remove his pants. “i don’t think i’ve ever heard you this quiet, spence,” you murmur as you begin palming his bulge through his boxers.

he breathes out a soft moan. “yeah, well your hand is on my dick, so pardon me.” his words are spencer’s typical deadpan, but his voice is an octave higher than usual and full of breath. you tug his boxers down just enough to free his hard cock, and you’re taken aback. he’s big, longer than he is wide. his dick is painfully stiff, wet with precum, and you’ve never wanted to suck someone off more than you have in this moment.

“you’ve been holding out on me, dr. reid,” you grin, eager. you begin to pump him slowly, tantalizingly.

he lets out a high pitched moan and bucks his hips into your hand. “stop teasing.”

“teasing?” you bring your lips to his cock and kiss down his shaft. “i’ve never teased you, not once in my life.” you punctuate by licking a long strip up the base of his cock and pulling him into your mouth slowly. his left hand finds your hair, tugging it back into a ponytail, and his right strokes your cheek softly. you look up at him as you hollow your cheeks and he lets out a rumbling groan at the eye contact. you bob your head slowly, gradually picking up speed. each time his cock hits the back of your throat, spencer whimpers. as you speed up, tears spill out of your eyes. he screws his own shut.

“fuck, y/n.” his hand tightens around your hair and he thrusts his hips once, prompting you to pull off of him and wipe your mouth. you can tell he’s close, and you want this to be good for him. spencer is distraught, to say the least, at the loss of contact. he begins to plead, “wait, shit, no, plea—”

“fuck my mouth.” you cut him off. without waiting for an answer, you sit back on your heels with a bounce and open your mouth for him.

he groans. “you’re going to kill me, baby.” you whimper at the pet name and make a mental note to bring it up later. he moves closer to you, guiding his cock into your mouth. he’s close, too close to even consider going easy on you. his hips move quickly, thrusting in and out of your mouth, punctuated by your gags. he’s feral, chasing his orgasm desperately until he finally reaches his high, moaning your name loudly. you swallow all of his release, pulling off of him and sticking your tongue out for approval. wordlessly, he gets down on his knees to meet your height. before you can ask him what he’s doing, he grabs your face and pulls you into a passionate kiss. you moan against his mouth, but the kiss is over before you know it.

“i love you,” he says sincerely, and you shake your head in disbelief.

“i cannot believe i am saying this to you, spencer reid, but i love you too, baby.” you say the word “baby” with a joking tone, clearly mocking his use of it earlier.

he smiles, all teeth, and says, “i knew you would make fun of me for that! as soon as i said it.”

you shake your head with a smile. “no, i’m not making fun of you, love. i liked it. use it more.”

“‘love’?”

“would you prefer ‘hate’?”

“god, no, not again,” he says, scooping you up into his arms and peppering kisses all over your face and hair. “never again.”

[rinharu-purple]

Can you do an analysis about a song? It's Falling Slowly

I love how it's portrayed Gavin and MC relationship

Thank you anon for this emotional ask. This song is golden and has a very interesting story and kinda fits Gavin and MC pretty well.

First things first... Have you ever watched the movie "Once"? This song is written for this film by the main lead. In case you haven't, it's a nice film with a bitter sweet ending. But neither the characters nor the story resembles much to that of our lovebirds.

There are lots of different interpretations to the meaning of this song. Some claim that it's about a struggling relationship which the duo is trying to save, other say it's about a love story with a sad end where the parties choose different paths and some believe it's about the story of a guy, whose love doesn't get reciprocated. Another one is the plot of the film.

For me, it's about two people, both going through different obstacles in life and warring with these themselves and yet trying to hold on to the little love they've found in each other. Gaining strength from this love and finding a way out by using this strength. It's about saving a sinking boat and bringing it home while there is still time.

It makes more sense if we look at the individual lyrics and the tone of this song and then compare it with MC and Gavin's story.

All the information is from Cheri's translations since none of the calls and dates including this song has been published in the ENG server as of today (09/07/2021). They play this song together in this date, consider playing it again in this call and this call is the start of it all.

During high school, Gavin once heard MC playing this song on piano. He didn't know the lyrics nor did he know the name of the song. But the melody has somehow managed to captivate him and on this day and on this moment, he decided to start playing guitar, so that he could play alongside the girl one day, who doesn't know who he is nor does he know who she is really, but he wants to play songs with her, stand beside her, get to know her...

I don't know you but I want you

All the more for that

Gavin struggles very hard at the beginning to find the right words or to react to MC in a normal way. Our bedazzled birdcop feels fooled by the feelings themselves.

Because he doesn't know how to deal with the situation, he tries silly games to show her his affection indirectly. Be it leaving strawberry milk in the music room, or sending her warm beverages via Minor. When he finally decides to talk to her directly, the destiny intervenes, because MC never reads his letter so he misses the chance to convey his feelings directly and say goodbye before leaving. His games have played themselves out.

Words fall through me and always fool me

And I can't react

And games that never amount to more than they're meant

Will play themselves out

Now he's left for the military school and his six years long yearning for seeing her again commences...

... Years past and Gavin meets her again, standing in front of him in flesh and bone, her hair a little bit shorter and let loose, but it's still the same girl. The girl who cought him before falling into an abyss. The girl whose voice has saved him. Now that they've reunited, a new chance has emerged.

Take this sinking boat and point it home

We've still got time

Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice

You'll make it now

Post CH18, when MCs living in an Eternal Winter. MC feels lost, she wanted to save all but for that she had to pay a high price. But she's made her mind and cannot go back before clearing everything out and finding the Gavin she's searching for. She wants to find him, bring him back home. No matter how broken he may be.

Falling slowly, eyes that know me

and I can't go back

Moods that take me and erase me

and I'm painted black

MC too, had her dark moments, where she was falling but this time around it was Gavin's turn to catch her before she falls. Gavin too, wants to be the voice that lifts her up. Which is why during their reunion in CH24 but also in CH15, in Lost Love date, in Motivation Call and in many more moments, too many to count. He gives her all his strength, gives her courage and stands by her side... Whether she's standing still or moving forward.

You have suffered enough

And warred with yourself

It's time that you won

Post CH24, MC and Gavin stand next to each other and face any challenge together. No more falling, no more darkness. From CH24- CH36 they're one power couple. Yes, the obstacles are tough, yes they both don't know what the future holds. But they know that they're together, they trust each other completely and give each other courage. MC is singing a song and Gavin sings along with her. Just like in the date MC playing the chords of the piano and Gavin accompanies her with his guitar.

Falling slowly sing your melody

I'll sing along

The lyrics might be depressing at times, but the melody is going up and down alike to the waves in the ocean. Some words are sung with a lower, deeper sound but than when they sing the lyrics "We've still got time" or "You'll make it now" it goes up with power, thus giving hope. The end of the song is also more or less brighter than its general tone. So the situation is not that grave.

The spoilery part starts here. If you are not OK with spoilers from S1, than I thank you for reading my answer up to this point and I hope that this answer is what you were looking for. This is where you can leave without reading spoilers ^_^

The chorus reminds me of all the times Gavin and MC had to make tough decisions. Be it Gavin accepting the NW plan, be it MC sacrificing herself in CH18, be it Gavin killing Perry, be it MC not telling Gavin that he's the one she's searching for during Eternal Winter, be it Gavin leaving MC alone during her last fight with the Black Queen because he had his duty to save the people of the city (and because under nooooo circumstances could that be allowed that Gavin meets the Black Queen. If you want to, you can read my analysis on this here)

Every time they make these decisions, they need to go separate ways, thus say goodbye. Which is why each time they clung onto the little time they've left and hold onto their love. Remember how MC asks Gavin on the phone, whether he's coming back after his mission in CH18 or in CH27 as Gavin's being called in how he wants to hug her but doesn't or in CH15 how she tries to hold him back from leaving. Their ending in a parallel universe and how they want to touch each other one last time before their last breath.

MC and Gavin tirelessly hold onto each other, save each other, try to cherish every single moment they have with each other. I really love this commitment they have.

They're committed to each other, from the beginning till the very end.

--------—---–--—

Masterlist

[blush-and-books]

13, 15, and 19 queen

The way that the ones I write for you are always longer :)

13, 15 and 19: Forehead kisses, big warm hugs, and peppering kisses all over someone’s face.

High school AU because I like. Was written while listening to TSwifts new album. Look out for my Juke x Willow analysis tomorrow. 

It’s a stressful morning. A big morning. A meaningful morning. 

Julie’s calculus final. 

Her semester grade may or may not have been riding on this single exam, and her ability to play in the band may or may not have been riding on her semester grade.

The deal she had struck with her father and Victoria was that she would get above a C+ in the class, nothing equivalent or less. While Julie was smart, her gifted kid burnout really smoldered in calculus, and her C+ laughed at her every time she checked her grades. She had a B a couple of weeks ago, but a C- on a quiz and a B- on the last test before the final set her up to fail.

If she can ace this test -- which all the guys had been helping her study for all week -- then her grade could go up, because the final is worth double a regular test grade. And all she needs is a little B- or B to keep doing what she loves to do. 

Even though he shows up three minutes before final bell every day, Luke makes the effort to show up with five minutes to spare this morning so that he can bring Julie the coffee he bought her. 

(He actually had a good reason to almost be late this morning.)

He finds her wringing her hands together next to his locker, which is luckily in the same hall as her math class. She’s so caught in her world of stress that it takes him standing right in front of her for her to see him. 

“Jules?”

The sound of his voice startles her. 

“Luke! Sorry, I was just-”

“Reviewing in your head? I expect nothing less from you.” His right hand extends out to her, holding the gift of a large coffee cup, still warm. “Lavender black tea latte with vanilla syrup. For the girl who is going to kill her test today.”

She looks at the cup like it’s about to ruin her day, but takes it anyways.

“A bit of a premature celebration, isn’t it? I feel jinxed now.”

Luke’s face falls. But, being the tough guy he is, he makes a considerable attempt to shield his disappointment. 

“I’m not jinxing you. It’s a good luck coffee. You’ll get another one when you-” She glares daggers at him, not wanting him to superstitiously ruin her grade. “Sorry! When you… Forget everything and bomb the test.”

When her face wrinkles up with concern, Luke is internally punching himself in the face. He’s been Julie’s best friend for three years and somehow still fucks up every time he wants to comfort her. 

(Probably because he has a massive crush on her and is worried that when he supports her, he’ll expose himself and make things awkward and-)

He throws his arms around her instead. One around her waist and the other tugging her shoulders close to him; and he kisses her forehead once, twice, three times. 

(Exposed crush be damned.)

“I’m sorry I’m so shitty at this,” he whispers. He feels her right hand, the one without the coffee in it, curl into his shirt. Her sigh blows lightly against his ear.

“You’re okay. I’m just freaking out.”

“You are,” he begins, right in her ear, “so smart, so talented, and the biggest badass this school has ever seen. In one minute, you’re going to make this test your bitch. Does that sound good?”

She pulls away, which normally he would complain about, but this time he won’t. Her smile keeps him as warm as her arms do. 

“Probably the best pep talk you’ve ever given me, Patterson. You’re getting better.”

His brain short-circuits while contemplating if that was any attempt at flirting, but then the school bell rings, and she’s yelling a thank-you at him from down the hall as she makes her way to calculus. 

His heart swells as he watches her bounce into the classroom, and hopes that if anyone in the universe is listening to his thoughts, that they also have the power to help her pass the test.

--

That weekend, Julie is too focused on reloading the online gradebook on her laptop than writing with Luke. He knows she’s anxious to see the results, but he was more hoping that songwriting with him could distract her from her anxieties. 

“Anything yet?” 

(He can’t nag her about it, because that’s just rude. All he can do is support her.)

He watches in anticipation as she hits reload, again, but a familiar red dot lingers next to the listing of her calc class: The red dot meaning that something has been added to the gradebook. 

“It’s there!” She essentially screams, temporarily leaping up from the piano bench before sitting back down, and automatically setting her fingernails up in her mouth to bite them. “Oh my God, what if I failed? What if I still have a C+, or a C-, or a D, oh my God-”

“Jules, you passed.”

“But what if I didn’t?”

“I know you. You passed.”

Julie doesn’t say anything -- only stares at the computer in contempt. Luke, boldly, slides the computer over to himself and angles it away from her. 

“I’m going to check, okay?”

She doesn’t say no. He opens the link where all of her graded assignments in her calculus class are, and there it is:

98/100

“Oh my God,” he mutters, clearly in awe. 

Well, maybe not so clearly, because panic flashes in Julie’s eyes. 

“Oh my God?! Is that bad?”

“Jules… You got a 98. Out of 100. You got an A. An A+. Your grade is a B.”

The way that her jaw drops and her hands dart up to pull the computer back in her direction is priceless. Luke is only grinning at her, because he knew she could do it -- if anyone could, it’s her. 

“I did it,” she whispers to herself. “Holy shit, I did it!”

There she goes again, bouncing off of the piano bench, and jumping around on the cold floor of her garage in fuzzy socks and making Luke wonder how much love and sunshine and energy can go in one little body. He doesn’t hesitate to join her, standing up himself. 

“Yes you did! I knew you could do it, Julie. I never doubted-”

He’s cut off by the impact of her body throwing itself against him in a tight, energized hug. Pride swells in his heart. 

He lets himself lift his arms around her waist, indulging in the feeling of holding her so close. She’s this beautiful, magnetic force of nature that he had surrendered to long ago. 

“You’re amazing, Jules.”

The feeling of her lips against his cheek sends him practically spiraling. 

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” she grins at him. “You studied with me day and night even though you aren’t in calculus and didn’t know a thing, but you quizzed me and worked with me and-”

He kisses her. Like, on the lips. 

(Yeah. He’s surprised too.)

It was just watching her glow, like the star she is, and she gets so animated when she talks and even though she single-handedly saved the future of their band she’s praising him for holding flashcards in front of her face and he loves her. She’s too much and at the same time she wasn’t enough; so he kissed her. 

And she doesn’t pull away. 

It’s… Charged. That’s his way to describe it. There’s so much excitement in their embrace that the kiss is strong and determined and God it’s been a long time coming. 

When they pull away, she isn’t yelling at him for violating her or coming onto her, so he keeps himself close by letting his lips brush along her jaw, and then her cheek; followed by her nose, eyelids, forehead, and really anywhere. It was like there was all of this love was pouring out of him but it was only meant to be put on her.

“I’m so proud of you,” he whispers into her skin, thrilled by the goosebumps he sees as a result. 

“I love you,” she sighs, and he desperately wants to know if she means that in the best friend way she’s always used it or if she’s finally joining him on the flip side, where he’s been waiting for her. But he doesn’t want to pry. 

So he settles with repeating her words back to her, and she’s able to feel his lips form every word against her neck, and he lets her pull him back in for another kiss. 

They can figure out anything else later.