#i love when men are emotionally honest and vulnerable

[aj-lenoire]

i’ve been rewatching inside job and firstly i’m still super bummed netflix cancelled it but secondly i don’t quite know how the animators managed with such a simple style but the way reagan and staedtler look at each other is so soft and sweet and it’s legit making me tear up

[mahgyu]

JJK MEN reacting to you asking for love advice about someone else to them

๑ featuring: Gojo Satoru, Geto Suguru, Kento Nanami, Choso Kamo, Toji Fushiguro and Ryomen Sukuna.

๑ content: Unrequited feelings (they like you in case it wasn't clear from the title), manipulation of feelings in certain parts, light angst. No fluff, I'm back to my era of pain (*evil laugh, the return* )

๑ a/n: Actually, there's nothing to say, I hope you enjoy it

GOJO SATORU

"Well, if he doesn't notice how amazing you are, he's an idiot. But, you know, sometimes idiots need a little push. Maybe you should... show him."

As Satoru sat next to you, the woman he secretly loved, he struggled to maintain a relaxed facade, smiling as he took in your every word. Inside, however, your heart was beating wildly, yearning to be the man you sought advice from. Your every gesture and laugh only intensified his desire to be by your side, as he battled to hide his emotions and waited for you to realize the truth behind his rehearsed words and gestures.

GETO SUGURU

"Ah, you deserve someone who treats you like the queen you are. And if he can't see that, then rest assured he's not worthy of all your effort. But you know, there's someone out there who has always known your worth..."

Suguru, with his captivating smile and persuasive skills, listened attentively to your romantic dilemma, calculating each word in his mind as he weaved his suggestions with subtle persuasion. He highlighted the flaws of the man in question but discreetly praised your qualities, seeking to show his own interest deliberately. Behind his serene expression, Geto calculated every move in the hope that you would see in him not just an advisor but a potential lover, eager for the moment when you would recognize his true worth and choose to share your world with him.

KENTO NANAMI

"My suggestion would be to approach the situation calmly and rationally. Communicate your feelings in a clear and direct manner. After all, communication is the key to any relationship. If he is worthy of you, that will be enough."

While Nanami Kento listened attentively to your venting, he offered practical and direct advice, demonstrating his usual calm and clarity. However, internally, he grappled with his own unexpressed feelings, hiding his deep emotions behind a serious and professional facade. Every word of comfort he offered you was a painful reminder of his own unrequited desires.

Despite the intense internal struggle, Nanami continued to counsel you, keeping silent about his own pain. He wondered if he would ever overcome the fear of ruining your friendship by expressing his own feelings, remaining trapped in a cycle of anguish and doubt.

CHOSO KAMO

"I... know what it's like to feel that way. I think... maybe he just needs a little push to realize how special you are. If I were him, I wouldn't hesitate for a second..."

Choso couldn't hide his emotions, his gaze reflecting internal anguish as he listened to your love story. While offering advice, he was emotionally honest, sharing his thoughts and revealing the weight of his unrequited feelings. Choso saw in the situation an opportunity to perhaps get closer to you and show what he truly felt, longing for a deeper connection and hoping that his honesty would touch your heart, as he prepared to face any challenge to be by your side.

TOJI FUSHIGURO

"You're wasting your time with that idiot. Men like him will only make you suffer. If this guy is too blind to see how amazing you are, then you're better off moving on. But, of course, if you prefer to keep deluding yourself, I'm not the one to stop you. Just don't come crying later when things don't work out."

Toji, with his impatient posture and piercing gaze, doesn't hesitate to launch biting criticisms about the man in question while you vent to him. However, internally, he grapples with his own inability to express his feelings, using his rudeness as a shield to hide his vulnerability. While his sharp tongue continues to push away those around him, Toji yearns for an opportunity to truly connect with you, but fear of failure and rejection keeps him trapped in his role as a solitary tough guy.

RYOMEN SUKUNA

"Ah, so you've come to me seeking advice about that fool? Hmph, he's just another insignificant worm, don't waste your time with someone like him. You know, I'm not one to flatter, but you, you're too good for that piece of shit."

Sukuna, with his ironic smile and malicious eyes, absorbs every word that comes out of your mouth, carefully choosing each piece of advice to weave his manipulation web. His enigmatic words, full of double meanings, cast doubt on the man in question while subtly suggesting that he himself would be a better option for you. He delights in the control he exerts over the situation, using both you and the man as pawns in his power game, relishing the feeling of power it gives him, determined to achieve his own ends at any cost.

[handsomewickerman]

Some thoughts on Eddie Diaz vs. Fanon Gay Eddie

I wanna preface this by saying that i'm latino, gay, raised catholic, heard the phrase "you gotta be the man of the house" my whole life. So on paper the idea of "repressed gay Eddie Diaz" should be appealing to me, right? well not exactly and here's why:

when I started watching the show I was aware of buddie, but I never engaged with the fandom. It wasn't until Buck came out that I started interacting with it.

when you join any space online the algorithm feeds you the most popular stuff, in this case, all my 911 recommendations were buddie, at the time I saw the vision, after all I love queer rep! but after the date episode and all throughout the hiatus I realized something very quickly:

most buddies don't actually care about queer rep, they just wanted their ship to go canon.

this realization came after weeks of seeing them spew bi/homophobic rhetoric and claiming it didn't matter as long as they got buddie, some examples:

- saying they wanted Buck to play into the bisexual cheating stereotype.

- calling Tommy a groomer, creep and predator.

- being unable to fathom the idea that Tommy was just hanging out with Eddie as friends

- claiming Eddie being a pos shit to women was ok "as long as he's gay".

- the insistence that Eddie should only be read as gay (not even bi).

- the idea that Buck and Eddie should only be "gay for each other" and no one else.

(these talking points still get repeated and if anything they have gotten more hateful the more time has passed).

Buddies insisted that they could've made buddie canon every ep, but that's simply not true, even leaving the GA and network aside, if you watch the show without shipping goggles you'll realize how much work they'll need to write that arc for Eddie as well, and if you care about queer rep you would want him to have his arc too, right?

they also claimed that his religious guilt is "clearly tied to queerness" when in reality Eddie is one of the most stagnant characters in the show as his religious guilt is tied to his inability to secure a "traditional family unit" and be the "man of the house" he was told to be. He drove Shannon away (something he admitted), then lost her forever and hasn't been able to move on for 6 seasons. It all circles back to that guilt about Shannon, the expectations put on him and his feelings of failing her, his parents, his kid and himself. Could there be an space for queerness too? Sure, but that's not what the show has portrayed at all so far.

the heavy mischaracterization of Eddie, the choice to strip him away from all his flaws or excuse them, the character assassination and malicious reading of Tommy while engaging in homophobia, their inability to allow Buck to be his own character with his queerness having nothing to do with Eddie and the desire to have him play into negative stereotypes told me everything I needed to know about where these people who want to gaslight you into thinking that "gay Eddie and buddie is the only correct answer" actually stand when it comes to queer rep.

it is not inherently wrong to find relatability in Eddie as a queer person and read him as such, but it is incredibly dishonest to claim that's the only valid way to read him.

in the end, I should find Eddie more relatable as a character and truth be told? I do, but I find Ryan's desire to tell a story about men being vulnerable, emotionally open and close without having to question their sexuality or masculinity far more realistic and honest for the character and Ryan himself.

[desos-records]

[Spoilers for the Creeping Shadow]

"I missed you so much, Lucy."

I'm never going to get over this line. I'm losing my mind. Let's overanalyze the shit out of this.

The fact he says it right before they're about to run headlong into suicidal danger, it makes you realize that Lockwood needs Lucy there to ground him. He figures that the recklessness is okay if she's there to direct it, if it's reckless to be protective, not just for its own sake. And he missed this, missed how well they work together, how much she trusts him, how well she understands him. He missed having someone to fight for.

But more than that, he's just asked her to do something insane and she goes along with it because she's Lucy and he has never known her to back down from a fight. George and Holly and literally anyone else would've called him insane and insisted on doing things a different way, but she doesn't. They are so much alike in that way, just reckless and daring enough to win. Especially when they work together.

His love for her is practically bleeding out of him. He compliments her constantly, physically and emotionally protects her whenever possible. There's also his obvious discomfort whenever it's even remotely hinted that Holly might be replacing her in any way, shape, or form--the boy starts talking about orange juice of all things to get away from the topic of Holly staying over at Portland Row. He jumps at any excuse to bring her back into his life while also managing to respect her decision to hold herself separate from the agency.

The only reason Lucy doesn't connect the dots about all the attention Lockwood pays her is her own particular brand of oblivious insecurity. It's also the fact that Lockwood rarely says anything outright. He talks a lot, but true vulnerability is rare. I think short of an 'I love you' Lucy probably wouldn't realize. She's a Listener, she needs to hear it to believe it. And you see that in her reactions to the instances when he compliments her, when he's open and honest with her, when he says he missed her.

Lockwood, meanwhile, doesn't track Lucy's feelings for him either. Although Lucy leaves to protect him, all he sees is Lucy stepping out of his life (was it because of Holly? because he pushed her too far about her Talent? did she just get sick of him finally?). She doesn't necessarily show that she cares about him in anyway he recognizes, outside of how well she understands him, how well they work together. As repressed as Lockwood is, Lucy is terribly reserved, paying compliments or words of affection sparingly and only when she really means it. Short of a flat-out kiss, I'm not sure Lockwood would realize her feelings either. Lockwood has Sight, he's a liar and a charlatan, he needs to see something to truly believe it.

So he says, "I missed you" and fights off a dozen relic-men for her and he hopes it's enough.

[opinionettey]

✨PLACEMENT OBSERVATIONS : IMO ✨

Capricorn SUN/MOON/VENUS - Capricorns have this habit of putting too much expectations on their partner. Capricorns need their partners to play the role they made up in their heads, they can also be very cold and distant, thinking that just because they provide they don’t need to fulfill their lovers emotional needs. They have a bigger ego than Leo, often thinking they’re more superior than others.

This could be due to the hardships they faced growing up, it’s hard for them to empathize and sympathize with people, because they are Saturn ruled they can also come off as “too serious”.

ARIES SUN/MOON & ARIES MEN BORN IN APRIL - Aries men are very ambitious but, emotionally immature. Aries men can also be prone to being abusive and temperamental, a lot of Aries usually have anger problems at a young age. Aries is the first zodiac sign so a lot of them can be very selfish in their ways, only thinking about themselves. They’re most likely to cheat on you out of boredom or strictly for excitement. As quick as they fall in love they fall out of love and on to the next one.

LEO MOONS & RISINGS ✨ - can be very jealous and don’t like attention to be turned away from them. They are the types to fake being happy for you, especially if things in their lives aren’t going well. I find that they will change their personality to impress their love interest.

Taurus placements (SUN/MOON/RISING) (mostly in women) - LIE just to make themselves seem interesting or mysterious. They also tend to use their friends for their own benefit.

SCORPIO SUN/MARS/VENUS -(Ive notice mostly in women) - claim to be real, but can’t even be honest about their own emotions especially when feeling vulnerable. They are the types to speak about people behind their backs, and then act surprise when someone pops off on them. They can also be very abusive to their partners , verbally and physically. They also have a bad habit of projecting their insecurities onto people.

VIRGO MARS/VENUS/SUN - Prone to substance abuse to deal with deep negative emotions. Usually heartbreak will be the cope rate also being exposed to drugs because of jealousy. (People jealous of them) they also tend to attract wicked souls.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

You know what is really bothering me about these last couple of days in Thai BL land?

Yes there were a lot of tears, but none of them were mine. (the exception being cherry magic. that sequence of Karan taking care of Achi and then being heartbroken. My heart wasn't ready)

These are my personal and maybe unpopular opinions so just let me explain. Spoilers galore as usual. We had some heavy episodes this week. Starting with 7 days before valentine and ending with the sign.

7 Days Before Valentine Look, was it heartbreaking? Sure. Did I feel sorry for Sunshine? Nope. Not even a little. Because for 8 episodes we've seen a selfish, self centered human being make a mess of the world without an ounce of remorse. Just picking people off one by one for his own selfish desires. So even if this episode was actually good, because he finally confronted his selfishness, I was watching wearing a big neon sign saying - you had it coming... the world's smallest violin etc... Also we know he's not actually gone so. (this is the recurring theme of the week btw)

Pit Babe I mean Pavel did a great job and this show is doing a great job at showing men being vulnerable and crying. But let's be real. Charlie is not really dead. We know that. Omegaverse or not, this is Thai bl and we don't play that here.

So the idea to leave the audience in the dark is an attempt at a cliffhanger but ultimately void of any real suspense. If the audience were to be let in on the plan, I'm sure there is one, then we could've felt Babe's suffering in a more profound way. Because, in my opinion, that would be more powerful. We could've seen both sides of this and felt bad for both of them. What's the point of leaving us in the dark? Am I suppose to gasp next week when Charlie appears? When what will actually happen will be that as soon as we know Charlie is alive we will get angry at him for making the person he loves suffer and next at Babe because they will get right back to the papa and mamma talk before the I'm sorry leaves Charlie's lips.

Twins I mean, there wasn't really a lot of suffering left to be had here. I was the only one suffering due to the fact that this show really waited until the last episode to make Sprite come clean. And to top it of, making First feel even more like a door mat by forgiving Sprite so fast. What a waste.

Last Twilight I've already said my peace about this show a couple of times. I did feel Mhok's pain. Him alone crying outside the house was heartbreaking. But the problem is how it happened. Idiotic. The catharsis didn't have the time to actually be cathartic for Mhok. The noble break up was not noble. So in the end I cannot emotionally connect to any of this. They threw Mhok's nightmare in there in case we'd forgotten about his baggage, or maybe because they had, so that sudden confession of Mhok had diminished impact as it was followed by the break up which of course is the real heartbreak I guess.

The Sign What is up with the editing of this show?

I already said somewhere last week that I thought the editing of the rescue was terrible because it was not done as to invoke any emotional impact. The same happens this week.

What the hell was that cut after Phaya woke up? We had like 15 seconds of them looking at each other and Phaya reaching out before they cut to Dr ican'tkeepupwiththenamesatthispoint and then to the police story line that let's be honest, it's taking space from everything else that's more interesting and it's not giving us anything of value in return. Stop putting everything but kitchen sink into shows if you can't manage it properly. If you don't have space for these stories to breathe and give me something I'm missing in the main story lines. Look I love that Phaya got up from his hospital bed and immediately went for it, but I mean what am I suppose to feel about it? The show is not letting us settle into any one emotional state long enough to feel anything at all.

And, I'm really asking. Is anyone at all interested in the police investigation? You can have a police investigation as backdrop to a story. But if you're also gonna take it upon yourself to have this massive mythological, past and present lives star crossed lovers story, then something's gotta give. Maybe just make it a case that doesn't also span generations and brings secrets and lies along for the ride.

I'm so mad at Thai bl at the moment. Not you Cherry Magic, you are my precious ray of sunshine in the middle of all this rain. Please be good till the end.

[Thank you @twig-tea for being my proofreader. You're the best. 💜]

[astroismypassion]

hi!!

I was wondering what’s the problem with this? https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMh81DQKf/ everyone’s saying to stay away but i’m intrigued on why because my crush has the exact same chart to this except he’s a gemini venus 😭

thank you!

Ohh you guys are sending me tiktoks now aww, that's sweet!

I think this goes for all the charts where on sign is predominant. I also saw tiktok where there is a Natal chart with just Aquarius and Capricorn and people were scared of that as well.

But I will remain as an astrologer and try to provide more of astrological aspects of this. The thing is a lot of comments are throwing in stereotypes as well, especially the crying part. Quite the opposite, I think this person is not much of a cryer, due to having also Mercury in Cancer, so they probably rationalize their feelings a lot. I have seen some emotionally constipated Cancers before, so that crying stereotype is kinda getting old. Yes, they can be emotional manipulators, but only if you are. Or if they sense you are not being honest and transparent with them. The thing with Cancer placements, they always mirror back energy. They also act based on how they see you feeling, so sometimes is really just their reaction on your feelings. So definitely don't try to fool them, they catch up on these things very quickly.

Cancers can be known to be indecisive, due to always trying to navigate the balance between being in the comfort zone and being more adventurous and branching out. I think the people in tiktok also had a problem with all those placements in the 7th house. 7th house can be tricky here, because it amplifies the indecisiveness that Cancer already has. But honestly what worried ME the most, were actually the degrees I saw. Cancer in the 7th house doesn't worry me as much. He probably attract people even moodier and more emotional than he is. Yes, bunch of 7th house planets, can get very quickly codependent and heavily reliant on friends, family, partner. But it also means that he mirrors back EVERYTHING he is receiving. He also has a Cancer Moon, the tiktok guy, so it really depends on how he was raised, the environment in his early childhood. So that could be seen by aspects to his Cancer Moon, which we don't see in the tiktok.

Ohh so you have someone with these placements, first thing here this is much more rational, logical Cancer due to this Gemini Venus. He also goes where his attention goes. So try to have stimulating conversations and ask about this interests and passions too. These people really can be health conscious too, loves healthy recipes too and cycling too. He probably has been friendzoned before, so be mindful of that too. Now, I would say many planets in Cancer isn't that worrisome. It depends on your own Natal chart, are you a Gemini Sun? Do you have a lot of Cancer placements yourself etc.? Try to study your own chart in comparison to his, to understand it better. But already having someone in your life with so many Cancer placements, it's likely you don't express your feelings enough. This is always a tell sign, when a Cancer with so much Cancer energy enters your life. You need to be emotionally vulnerable enough and expressive with them and most people are not really prepared and open enough to do that, so that's why they end up not liking the experience with Cancer energy.

Now, to end on a real life experience note, I have had people with Cancer placements in my life before, Cancer Sun with a Moon in the 4th house. Currently a person I care about has bunch of planets in Cancer (Sun, Mercury, Venus, Mars). And to me this last Cancer I'm mentioning is the truly one of the most quality connections I've experienced with men in the past ten years. This Cancer Sun with so many Cancer planets is patient, kind, caring, has emotional intelligence I admire, apologizes when there are wrongdoings, loves to travel, incredible listener and great storyteller, really mellow, sweet, yet knows how to be in control of his own life events. To me it's very inspiring to see and I aspire to develop some of these good virtues, qualities in myself hopefully at some point moving forward!

[cer-rata]

Hi! I wanted to ask about your process making of Conrad. I been thinking on creating my own oc but I really don't know where to start and when I read "heart of Gotham" he feld like a pretty solid character and very interesting too.

So I'Il like to know, how did you come up with him? Where did you started end how did you follow with his story?

And if you have advice on building a character I would love to hear it, thank you! :D

This is so nice? I think the biggest anxiety around creating a OC-centric fic is that your baby just won't be as interesting as the canon characters, or worse is actively agonizing to witness, so it is nice to see that he stuck out to you positively.

This is a lovely question and I want to give you a thorough answer.

Spoilers? I guess? But only for things I've already published.

On Conrad:

When I'm writing fanfiction, OC or not, I like to look at the existing world building, find a detail that I think is really neat, and then put it somewhere it doesn't belong. I love Star Sapphires conceptually, if not always in execution, and wanted to play with what it means to be powered by love, and to do it differently than the classic obsessive, toxic, homicidal Sapphire that Carol became back in the day before it was a proper corps, and Geoff did his lantern lore tinkering. But I also didn't want to make it a purely heroic, morally unambiguous thing. All emotions are neutral and love can go in a lot of directions. I knew it had to stem from some kind of pain, partially because that is the standard set in canon, and also because I feel that heartbreak is love at its most intense and difficult to control, and that level of extreme emotion is needed to attract a ring.

So I started thinking about the kind of person that would be capable of feeling love that deeply and then I realized that the most emotionally volatile time in most people's lives is the teen years. Especially when it comes to affection. I'm not excluding my ace friends here either, even if it's not romantic or sexual in nature, teenagers tend to form really strong bonds, due in part to the aforementioned emotional volatility. So I knew they needed to be a teenager.

I wanted him to be a boy because I think the love corps being gender biased makes no sense, and playing with masculine stereotypes of what love means interested me. I am a guy, I like to write what I know. I also wanted to play with the idea of what it means to be a guy in the first place. Conrad's boyfriend, Darren was kind of created to be a more standard masculine ideal: Big, strong, uncomplicated, aggressive. I think on a level Conrad envied that and the safety that came with it. Conrad on the other hand was more complicated. There's a lot of softness there, an emotional rawness even before the tragedy, and he doesn't hide that. He's very openly gay, honest and clear about that, but he's also not pressed to present in a certain way. He liked that Darren protected him, and he didn't like conflict. None of that was from a place of confidence necessarily, more an aversion to being inauthentic. He doesn't think highly of himself, but he's also not interested in pretending he's anything else. It's not that he doesn't care what people think of him, but he just can't be anything else than what he is.

Frankly, there's also a tendency to write black boys and men as wildly binary. Either hyper masc and aggressive or toothless and palatable. I didn't want Conrad to be so clearly defined.

So I had the basic outline of his vibe by that point, I didn't have all the specifics but I knew that I needed to create an awful situation for this emotionally vulnerable kid. That's where Gotham came into play. Bad things happen to people every day in Gotham, and despite that, the regular folk keep living their lives. It quickly became important to me that Conrad represent a very average person in a very strange city, with average ambitions and circumstances. Being raised in a working class home was a given, because I didn't want to lean too far into the poverty narrative, but I did want to draw some distinction there, and contrast that kind of worldview to that of the better resourced batfamily. I wanted to make the change in his status quo even more jarring by not making him someone with any ambition to be a superhero, and make his more typical understanding of the world clear and consistent.

I also wanted to make him the child of immigrants, but swerve away from the stereotype of the inflexible, emotionally unavailable first generation parents. They're not perfect, they are distant in how they respond to his sexuality, but it was important that they were smart, fairly progressive, kind people who clearly cared about their son and his happiness. I don't think a parent has to be wildly abusive to cause pain for their kid, sometimes they really are trying their best, and the kid knows they’re loved, but they still leave some sore spots to work through. I tried to take that approach with my characterization of Bruce too, actually.

A lantern ring is an incredibly powerful weapon, and Gotham doesn't usually feature characters that powerful, it doesn't fit the genre, and I knew that. So I kept him from training properly for the story so he was always struggling to figure out what he was doing as a way to not have to start him out with lantern-tier threats. On the note of the ring, I also was specific about countering the classic hypersexualized depictions of Star Sapphires, not out of any moral sensibilities (though I do suppose I’d feel odd putting a sixteen year old in a laser speedo), but because I wanted him to have to build the confidence to be showy if he even wanted that. His insecurities about his body are pretty standard stuff for any teenager, and while not a full on complex, I wanted to be a little realistic about what he was willing to wear. I wanted to emphasize that love is not just about attraction and sexuality…though yes, for him specifically those are factors. But specifically not the only places he draws power from. I like to think they all have a central love that they tether to, and branch from there. Were I to make another Star Sapphire after him, I would most likely go in a completely different direction and focus on a different facet of love to be the core of their power.

Anyway, so then I had "Gay Black Teen Boy from Gotham who is Nice Enough but Not Terribly Interested in Sticking His Neck Out." I then picked a life altering tragedy that was in some ways intended to mirror Bruce's and spark a similarly intense desire, but smaller and more focused in scope.

This may be hard to believe considering I made a character who is literally powered by love, but at that point I had no intention of having Conrad date anyone. The story initially was much more dour and lonely and I didn't anticipate a happy ending. It was going to be bittersweet at best, but tragedy was more likely. I changed my mind a number of times actually, frankly I think the fact that the story logically flows is amazing, because I was writing to at least four different goals over the course of it.

Damian made the most sense to me as a point canon character because of the ages I was going with, and how hard his personality contrasted Conrad's. I put them in the same school and tied him to the tragedy for convenience, honestly. I thought it would be interesting for Damian to be drawn in through his guilt and inability to leave a problem unsolved, and because of that grow to have a civilian friend who was disarming enough to not trigger his defenses, and THEN becomes wildly dangerous, so he'd already accepted him into his sphere and then had to deal with it. I...wrote them with more chemistry than I'd planned to (yes, Damian is a blorbo, I'll admit it okay), and suddenly it became less about the lore implications and impact on Gotham's power balance and more about whether or not either of them were capable of love anymore. For a long time the answer was no, their ill-considered hookup was supposed to hurt both of them to the point of closing off to each other...but I got to a point in my own developing worldview where writing that the answer is "Not everyone gets to get better" became untenable. And I didn't think that kind of pessimism even made sense for the story I'd written, its tone, and how I characterized Conrad and Damian.

He definitely developed as I wrote him. I generally only knew what I was doing two to three chapters in advance, so there was always some uncertainty, but I had a pretty good idea what drove Conrad early on, and knowing what he cared about was helpful. Sometimes when people talk about magic systems, they talk about creating a power ceiling and sticking to it. I kind of wanted to show you exactly what Conrad could be willing to do very early on, so there was always this question about where his center actually was. I assume you're up to date, so you saw the kind of darkness he could reach come up a few times, but notably always stopped before stepping completely off the path and into something more sinister. He's nice, he's so nice, and I wanted to show how nice isn't enough to build a moral framework on, and he's still figuring out what his actually is. That's going to continue being a theme for him even after the fic actually.

Somewhere in there it turned into an AU I wanted to explore more, and then I started projecting Conrad's arc further out, and I did make a few choices in service of that.

Anyway, on general character creation:

I think the most important thing is that a reader kind of understands what a character is about. Not that they should be predictable, but they should feel consistent enough that when you are surprised, you can think back and go "Oooh...no actually yeah, I see how that happened." And that only really happens when you as the writer know the core of what they care about. Conrad wants to feel Safe, and he wants to feel Accepted. That's universal stuff, but it's important because that's where his ambitions end. He doesn't know what he's going to be doing after high school, he doesn't think that far ahead. Darren was his world because he just doesn't think past the present. Because his desires are so simple, so primal, and become so painful for him, then I feel it logically follows that he's willing to break through what he thinks are his boundaries in order to achieve them. You can even threaten either of them separately, but when both are in jeopardy at once, he's willing to do just about anything really. So I as the author always knew what his tipping points were, and could sprinkle them around to watch him trip into them and hurt himself. I want the reader to be able to see where a scene is going and go "Oh. Oh no he's about to do something he'll regret." So consistency of desire is important, because it colors everything else. Then you can make him sacrifice those desires for something he's come to realize is more important, and boom, you have a cathartic/agonizing growth point and can recontextualize from there.

Themes are important for long work, but I like to figure out who the person is first and then pick a theme that they'd struggle with figuring out. Wonder Woman wouldn't struggle with any of this, and as such wouldn't make sense to explore the question through. I'm sure you can come up with a theme first, but I like starting with characters and figuring out what their story is.

Gender, sex, race, orientation, health status: These are all important to know, even if the story isn't about any of those things specifically, because every one of those details imply different experiences and invoke different stereotypes. So don't agonize, but do think about WHY you've made the character this way. Are you leaning on stereotypes? Have you accidentally recreated an unfortunate trope? I am a black writer, but even so, when writing a black character I need to be aware of what ideas I'm perpetuating. I wrote Conrad's anger the way I did specifically because I wanted to avoid supporting the image of an "angry black man," which doesn't mean that he cannot BE angry, but does mean that I need to be mindful of the way he is, and why.

There are a lot of spreadsheets and character question checklists and stuff out there, and I'm sure they're great for some people, but they irritate my ADHD and I feel like if I need to constantly refer back to what my character likes, especially my main character, then I don't have a strong enough sense of who they are, and I really need to, this is an OC, every decision I make is the only canon there will lever be, so I need to have a grip on what I want.

Don't be afraid to make them goofy. Conrad is so goofy, and it is part of why Damian becomes fond of him, but that's not why I made him like that. I made him offbeat and awkward (but not shy), to create a specific dynamic in his dialogue. He's not cool, he doesn't care about being cool, but he is still insecure, and that insecurity manifests in oversharing, in a certain shamelessness. He can't handle sitting with shame, his self esteem is too weak for that. So his lack of guile, and lack of panache are both fun quirks to help me differentiate his dialogue, but also important clues about how he takes things and then I can flatten those out when he's being serious, or scary. If a character starts out cool, and that's never challenged, then it's boring and you get into Mary Sue/Gary Stu territory. It's totally doable to start cool and then add nuance, but I think it's easier to start a little weird and then reveal why they're neat when the situation calls for it. My advice boils down to this: People love fuckups, they love humans, they even love monsters. The greatest sin is for someone to be boring, and being too sad or too perfect is boring. I have to let Batman have a sense of humor for that reason. 

Since creating Conrad I've also taken to picking some scenarios that people have a general standardized reaction to, making a different decision, then figuring out why that makes sense. Really early on I decided that he didn't get jealous easily, notably so, and worked out that it was partially because he doesn't feel entitled to anyone's attention, but also because if he loves someone, he wants them to be happy and that doesn't necessarily have to involve him. So figuring out that Jon had feelings for Damian didn't do anything to him, because, well, Jon is in the 8th grade, that would be ridiculous to feel threatened by at that point, but also because someone loving Damian that much to him is a good thing. He loves Damian, other people should too. Which is...kind of a good trait, if only it didn't stem so much from his lack of self-worth.

I think every character choice should be intentional. They don't all have to be deep, but the more specific you are, the more tools you have to play with, and the more ways you can twist them out of shape. When you make decisions and stick with them, you create limitations, and those limitations are where I think an interesting plot comes from.

Shockingly, I do have more thoughts, but I feel like this is already far more than you asked for, and I do need to finish chapter 12, so I’ll cut it here. 

Also…this ask truly made my evening, and as such I feel compelled to share a tease of how I plan to celebrate the completion of the fic.

Look at him go!

[bassettmemes]

THE LOVE HYPOTHESIS. ↳ quotes from the love hypothesis by ali hazelwood. some quotes have been edited for clarity or usability.

"carry yourself with the confidence of a mediocre white man."

"i'm going to kill you."

"i wish you could see yourself the way i see you."

"i'm starting to wonder if this is what being in love is. being okay with ripping yourself to shreds, so the other person can stay whole."

"you can fall in love. someone will catch you."

"i'll come find you, and i'll take care of you."

"did you... did you just kiss me?"

"expiration dates are for the weak."

"i think about you before falling asleep. then i dream of you."

"it's fine. more material for my title ix complaint."

"this might be inappropriate, but, you are really extraordinary."

"i know it’s scary, being vulnerable, but you can allow yourself to care."

"everyone likes tall, broody, sullen hunks with genius iqs."

"a good kiss will do that: make a girl forget herself for a while."

"i liked you when i didn’t know you, and now that i do know you, it’s only gotten worse."

"you could stay mad, and we could go to your lab and throw test tubes full of toxic reagents at each other until the pain of third-degree burns overrides your shitty mood? sounds like fun, no?"

"my heart may be broken, but my brain is doing just fine."

"i'm fine. i mean, i wish i were dead, but aside from that..."

"i've never been surer of anything. except maybe cell theory."

"hypothesis: the more i mention an attachment in an email, the less likely i will be to actually include said attachment."

"are they deporting you back to canada because we've been sharing a netflix password?"

"tell them we didn't know it was a federal crime."

"i think that somewhere along the way i forgot that i was something. i forgot myself."

"academia takes a lot from you and gives back a little."

"not having a life came in handy sometimes."

"i do reserve the right to comment on your abysmal taste in men."

"pumpkin spice is satan’s dandruff, harbinger of the apocalypse, and it tastes like ass—not in the good way."

"hypothesis: if i fall in love, things will invariably end poorly."

"you just had to go and make me fall for you."

"a heart will break even more easily than the weakest of hydrogen bonds."

"there will only be one bed. it doesn't matter what it says; it's always one bed."

"i must say, the line between excellent career choice and critical life screwup is getting a bit blurry."

"you probably don’t like ice cream anyway, because you don’t enjoy anything that’s good in life."

"i have access to your google calendar, asshole. you're not busy. if you don't want to hang out with me, you can just be honest."

"to be fair, i don't like people in general."

"how much do you hate this, on a scale from one to ‘correlation equals causation’?"

"hypothesis: any rumor regarding my love life will spread with a speed that is directly proportional to my desire to keep said rumor a secret."

"approximately two out of three fake-dating situations will eventually involve room-sharing; 50 percent of room-sharing situations will be further complicated by the presence of only one bed."

"i'm never going to get used to the fact that professors are real people and have first names."

"that’s the thing with science. we’re drilled to believe that false positives are bad, but false negatives are just as terrifying."

"maybe so many years alone has warped me in some fundamental way."

"did this fortune cookie just throw shade at me?"

"based on the available information and the data hitherto collected, my hypothesis is that the farther away i stay from love, the better off I will be."

"i had financially rich, but emotionally poor, parents."

"talking on the phone is the hardest, most stressful thing in the world."

"no. i don't want to fake break-up."

[randomfoggytiger]

Mulder Would Never Let Scully Walk Away with Words Left Unsaid

I could never understand some fics/meta where Scully and Mulder dance around their feelings until Scully feels wounded, won't communicate, and splits their relationship with silence. And the problem doesn't have too much to do with Scully (aside from the fact that she faces hardship head on with shoulders squared, not backing down from personal problems.) The problem, really, rests with Mulder's characterization.

Mulder, with all his flaws and fixations, would have too much righteous fury to let Scully walk away with words unsaid.

Not in a bad way, either:

In Ice he spits out "I want to trust you." In Beyond the Sea, he yells "You could be dead right now!" In One Breath, he rails against Scully's coma, her family's decisions, the men that were getting away with her abduction and impending death. In Anasazi, he confronts Scully over her perceived treachery ("taking your LITTLE NOTES.") In Elegy, he snaps that Scully withheld information from him, implying that she owed him more because of their trust and partnership. In All Souls he admits his heightened fear that Scully was being emotionally manipulated by what Father Joseph(?) was saying. And pivotally in FTF he ran into the hallway when Scully was literally walking out of his life, pinning her on her misunderstandings and telling her how wrong she was by confessing his love in the most Mulder way possible. His intensity and fervor isn't threatening: it's raw, intense vulnerability-- with Scully, with informants, with his parents, with his boss, with his friends, with his enemies. This continues the rest of the series (Triangle, One Son, Milagro, Field Trip, En Ami, Closure, etc.)

The only time Mulder has ever let Scully leave something unsaid is because she was fragile in the face of another trauma, giving her space to recover before he probed the issue further: the almost rape in Genderbender, Scully's second kidnapping in Irresistible, her injury in Fresh Bones, her prison jump scare in The List, her bristle in Never Again, her avoidance in Memento Mori, most of her health scares in Elegy, her daughter's death in Emily, her Pfaster part two in Orison, etc. His deep care for her revolves on the axis of trust: he will let her recover, but he inevitably needs her to be transparent with him.

This is a core part of Mulder's character from day one: David Duchovny talked about how he portrayed Mulder as an intense, morose character, narrow-mindedly searching for the Truth to the detriment of everything. He often incorporated that fallen-from-a-pedestal quality in Mulder's reactions to Scully, making him disagreeable, taciturn, and more human. And Mulder made his intentions clear from the first time he met Scully, baldly telling her he knew she was a spy each and every step of the way until she earned his trust with her guileless, morally impeccable behavior.

Mulder is a man who sniffs something buried and digs and digs and digs at it until it's brought into the sunlight and exposed. He has always treated-- will always treat-- Scully the same; and she respects that about him, trying to answer as transparently as she can in the moment (mostly honest, yet not always vulnerable.) Whenever Scully has withdrawn, Mulder has pursued. (That's also why Scully was so confused in Three Words when Mulder was listless in the face of many unanswered personal questions-- his trauma festering until he is given an enemy to pursue. But that's a post for another time.)

This perception of Mulder not only tramples on MSR's delicate balance with their layers of communication but, more importantly, it portrays Mulder as someone who would let Scully go years without addressing THAT THING just because he wouldn't want to lose her. And while it's true that Mulder and Scully don't talk about THOSE THINGS openly, it's not because he's afraid (or she's afraid) he'll lose his partner: far from it, he's too certain she'll put up with all his nonsense and come along anyway (and all the shenanigans she's endorsed-- and will endorse-- prove him right.) In fact, Mulder's lesson was not to brush Scully aside and not to too easily abuse her sacrificial nature ("selfish and narcissistic", "mystery of the heart", "life on this planet".) He just didn't want to talk about THOSE THINGS yet; because he couldn't "settle down, ...approach something of a normal life" while Samantha was still unrecovered. But that's another story for another time~.

[breitzbachbea]

🙈🙉🙊for Robert!

HIM! (sexual AND murderous intent).

I mean, look at what @ironic-orange did with him. I am not immune to fictional toxic men.

OC Emoji Questions

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

Vulnerability. He will not let himself be perceived as potentially weak, be it physical or emotionally. He'll hide injuries or grit his teeth and keep going, even if he bitches. He'll never appear insecure in front of anyone. If he's lost control, he'll start raging trying to get it back - and even when other people don't perceive something he did as failure, if he will, he won't let it go and won't forgive himself. Even in his flirting he's never vulnerable and rarely ever was with romantic partners, even when he's sappy and corny he sees that as being in control, even if others may perceive it as being a sappy and lovestruck. (Those people, however, do not see that as flaw. Tahir is fond of Robert's doting attention and all the women who're into him think it's cute).

🙊 SPEAK-NO-EVIL - what is something your oc will refuse to stay quiet about?

Won't stand for people messing with his friends. He doesn't have many principles but loyality and being a good leader is one of them. Now, he doesn't wear kid gloves with the subordinates or even the other two of the executive suite, but that only goes back to the previous answer. When good work's been done, he will pat you on the back and the tough loving IS loving.

🙉 HEAR-NO-EVIL - what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone?

"You're not a man, you're just a loser."

Robert's been a loser and a 'problem' for most of his life, being good at something and earning respect via violence is how he compensates. It's the reason why it hurts him so hard to fail. Being a 'man', being a good leader and effective right hand is all he got. What other good qualities are there in Robert Bailey? None, as far as he's often concerned.

This ask also made me rethink how I will have to approach his change of heart at the end of English Hunt. After the American story, when he's gotten his revenge on Charlie in such a way that made the Americans really upset with the English, he's getting the cold shoulder from the other two. Naturally, he stubbornly refuses to apologise and examine why he's in the wrong here ... until Edward Taylor, who got hurt, at the end asks him during a sick visit if he couldn't be less homophobic when he rightly rants about Charlie, because he's gay. In the past I always thought that Eddie, being the sweet golden boy he is, would just be vulnerable and honest and that sign of trust, that realization of betrayal on his part would make Robert reconsider. But that's unlikely with all that I laid out.

Instead, I think, Eddie and the others must have talked about telling Robert and when Eddie can't gather the courage to broach it, someone else must have intervened (like Eliza) and told Robert - well, that. "Sir, don't you the entire gay thing is tired. Eddie's gay and you're making it sound like that's Higgins only flaw. Don't you have better insults that doesn't make us embarassed of you?"

[cruiseshipmoment]

This might be a controversial take, but I think Luther tries to love Mac, but genuinely doesn’t know how.

From what we know he’s missed out on a lot of his sons life because he’s been in prison, and it’s put physical and emotional distance between them. Mac feels abandoned but maybe Luther feels abandoned too, even if he’s the one who essentially left his son without a father. Luther is shown to be very repressed emotionally, but when he is out of prison he does make the effort to build bridges with his son (and includes Charlie in that as well, likely only because he’s the friend of his son, which could’ve been so fascinating to explore in the show tbh) only to see his own actions end up putting him back in prison again—all because he couldn’t express the idea of making amends to others, or communicate his feelings or actions to Mac which ended up further driving them apart because Luther is so stuck in his own ways and Mac can’t trust him because because he doesn’t actually know him. Mac thinks his dad is a criminal. Luther was making positive steps forward, and ready to extend an olive branch to his only son, only for the rug to be pulled beneath him and discover that ‘oh, my son is afraid of me. He sees me as a criminal and believes I’m a bad person.’

It would be so hard not to hold onto that anger at both himself and towards Mac, who essentially just turned Luther’s attempts at redemption into a criminal act all because Luther himself wouldn’t let himself be vulnerable enough to be honest with his kid. Plus, to know your son is so scared of you that he would threaten to lie to keep you in prison? That he thinks you would take his life and the life of his friend—believes it with enough conviction he tries to stage his own death? That would feel so awful, knowing you’ve wronged your child this severely and that they in turn have tried to defend themselves from that pain by going on the offense and trying to hurt you first by sabotaging your chance at parole and at freedom? How do you come back from that from either of their perspectives?

But then we find out that Luther wrote to him, consistently, and we never know what he said because Dennis doesn’t tell him. All that pain and distance between two people and once again Luther is trying to bridge the gap and send out a chance for them to be redeemed to one another and have a father-son relationship. He might not say he loves Mac in those exact words, but it must mean something to keep writing to him even when he wasn’t getting anything in return. How long did he send letters only to never have anything returned? Did he think Mac didn’t get them? Did he think Mac got them but didn’t care? When did he give up on receiving a response and send his final letter?

And then we have Mac, who thinks his dad hates him. He can’t reach out because he feels responsible for putting him back behind bars. He is afraid that if he is his true self that his father won’t like what he sees. He doesn’t know if his dad hates him or if he ever thinks about him at all and all that time Luther had been doing what he could to close the rift between them.

We don’t know almost anything about the letters, and I wish we got some follow up to that. There is so much miscommunication and misunderstanding and pain between two men who should have been integral players in one another’s lives—and they are, but not how they should have been, you know? They’re both grieving for what they’ve lost. Mac lost a father, but Luther lost a son, too.

And then Mac shows up one day, out of the blue, and makes the public declaration that he’s gay. Luther didn’t have a moment to process that, or the privacy to do it, and basically he just sees his son show up after years without contact—with a surrogate father, no less, who has gotten to be privileged to seeing Luther’s son grow up and become a man and become His own person. And Luther didn’t get any of that. He’s the last to find out his son is gay, without any sort of warning, and he is expected to make some kind of declaration to that; to love his son anyways despite their tangled history and such a fractured relationship. Mac has come to tell him something important, because he is his father, but Luther hasn’t actually been his ‘dad’ for the majority of his life. He can’t repair ages of loss and absence in one sitting. So he walks away. He doesn’t say anything, but the action itself speaks loudly anyways.

Then there’s Luther’s own childhood, drug abuse/addiction, the criminal background that he’s always had and the hyper-masculinity that is probably all he’s ever known. The strength and stoicism required of his environment being met with the earnest and hopeful personality of his son. I’m sure there’s some envy there, too, to the freedom that Mac has with his feelings and emotions, even if we know that even Mac has such a limited outlet and willingness to acknowledge and express things. Plus the religious trauma and how that might effect both Mac and his dad.

I feel like Luther would see the worst of himself in Mac; whether that be in softness or in hardness. It’s hard to love a mirror of yourself, sometimes.

Idk if I explained my perspective clearly, but I think there is a lot of pain but also a lot of love between them both. They just don’t have the tools or the history required to understand each other and meet in the middle. They don’t know how to love themselves in their entirety, so they hate the versions of themselves that they see in each other. Idk I just think Luther is very repressed and even if he is a horrible father and a terrible man I really believe he is trying to learn how to love his son from a distance with the tools he has because being close to one another only leads to more hurt.

They’re so interesting to me. I want to much more content between the Mac family and a closer look at the dynamics of it all because there are so many ways to read everything we’ve seen between them.

Please tell me your perspective on this, I would love to hear whether you agree or disagree on my interpretation of them!

This is an interesting interpretation, and it's a much more generous one for Luther than I would think of. However, from what we see, I don't think this is true.

We know from "Mac Kills his Dad" that Luther was a distant parent even when he was around. Mac says Luther couldn't possibly have killed someone, since his "bad shoulder" meant he could never play catch with Mac and also couldn't possibly decapitate a guy with a stop sign. The tone with which Luther says "Riiiight" makes it clear that was a lie. Even when child Mac tried to connect with his dad in a hypermasculinity-approved way, Luther wouldn't engage. Catch is not an overtly emotional commitment. Plenty of emotionally repressed people can manage it.

Unfortunately, from Luther's later behavior, Mac is right to be afraid of him in "Mac and Charlie Die." Decapitating a guy with a stop sign takes a lot of rage coupled with some level of calculation. It's not a thing you can do on accident or a split-second impulse, like a gunshot. Also, in "Mac Finds His Pride" we learn that Luther cut out a guy's tongue for tattling on him. "Mac and Charlie Die" was Luther on a very good day. It could have so easily gone a different direction. There's maybe a case to be made for his time in prison contributing to the violent behavior, but since Mac was terrified from the get-go, I don't think the violence came out of nowhere.

We do know a little bit about the letters. Per Dennis, "He never once said he loved you," and, "He mostly just wanted you to send him pornographic magazines and put drugs in your butthole." This very much says that Luther just wants Mac to help him out, not build any sort of connection with him. I don't think Dennis is lying, because these are the same requests we've seen Luther make previously. It's a pattern.

By "Mac Finds His Pride," Luther has completely written his son off before we even get to the coming out scene. When he thinks Mac got someone pregnant, he says "There's hope for you yet. Not with your life, of course, but with the life of your son." He only values Mac for his potential to give him a grandson who might be better able to adhere to Luther's standards of behavior.

Luther waited until Mac was looking at him to walk out. He did so calmly and with an incredibly cold look on his face. That's not a man who got overwhelmed, panicked, and left. That's an awful, calculated "Fuck you." He didn't have to make a public sappy declaration. He just had to sit and watch. Mac is so starved for unconditional love that he would have been happy with Luther saying something as bland as, "Okay, son."

All of Luther's behavior, put together, screams "I love you, but only when you behave exactly the way I want you to." He wants a prop or a puppet, not a real son. Especially not a son like Mac, who has a lot of complicated feelings and needs.

And I'm sure you're right that Luther's own upbringing fucked him up. There's definitely trauma there, since apparently Grandpa McDonald effectively shunned Uncle Donald for being gay. Luther definitely learned that love is conditional from his own childhood. Luther's had sex with a man at least once, so there's a good chance there's internalized homophobia at work too.

Luther does love his son, but in a conditional way. And that's exactly what fucked Mac up so bad. Mac spent decades bending over backwards to be the son Luther wanted, and in the end it still wasn't enough.

[arcane-vagabond]

😂🥹

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists? (I'm assuming you meant this one lol)

Honestly? The alley scene in DHTN. If I could go back, I'd rewrite that in a heart beat. I don't think it really makes sense to have in terms of plot, or at the very least, I'd go back and explore the aftermath of feelings afterwards.

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels? (Again, I assume you meant this one lol)

I don't know if you can tell by the "Everything about my writing," but I absolutely LOVE when the man is the one in his feelings and the one who persues the girl in a non-threatening kind of way. I love when men are the emotionally vulnerable ones and are just so soft for the girl they like/love and are so honest with her.

I also really love when couples tease each other or OH!!! GAZING INTO EACH OTHERS EYES DURING A CHARGED MOMENT????

Send me an emoji!

[chateautangerine]

character sheet.

full name: quincy clifford bailey. nickname: cliff (practically exclusively). quinn, quinny. alias: none. pronouns: he/him. height: 5'10". age: 34. zodiac: dragon, cancer. spoken languages: english.

physical characteristics.

hair: blonde and long to about the start of his jaw. straight, curling/rolling at the end. facial hair: none, clean shaven. his facial hair is a darker blonde than the hair on his head. he grows facial hair easily. eyes: large, sky blue eyes, almost sleepy, quiet, or soft, occasionally with a slight puffiness. there's a sweetness to them, although i wouldn't consider cliff himself sweet. skin tone: fair but not pale. he can tan. body type: average build and weight. he does not exercise regularly and has a softer middle. voice: he has a regional dallas accent and is notably soft- or sweet-voiced, perhaps spacey or often with a wistful lilt. not deep. cliff never raises his voice and, when particularly low, he croaks. sounds like owen wilson. dominant hand: left. posture: mostly very casual—hands in pockets, arms folded. he can sink deep in chairs or lean an elbow on one arm [of a chair] with his legs crossed. he often does not take up space or assert his presence. scars: none. birthmarks: none. must notable features: crooked nose. it was broken twice.

childhood.

place of birth: dallas, texas. hometown: dallas, texas. siblings: none. parents: roger bailey (father) and charlotte bailey (mother).

adult life.

occupation: author. current residence: dependent. close friends: none. he has a lot of acquaintances, but no strong relationship with any substance. financial status: middle. driver's license: yes. he drives a white 1964 austin-healey 3000 series iii. financial status: middle. criminal record: nothing appalling and only driving infractions like speeding, blowing red lights, a couple of duis. he once got called for driving his car into someone's garden. vices: smoking, alcohol, and psychedelics drugs like dmt, psilocybin, and mescaline. praise—he craves and needs to feel encouraged and seen.

love and romance.

sexual orientation: insofar as experiences go, he has only slept with women and has only ever felt a particular want to sleep with women. he would be open to sleeping with other men, but it's never happened. i'd consider him more hetero, but not absolutely and strictly. preferred emotional role: no preference. i don't even believe cliff plays any role. he tends to not deal with emotions whether they're his own or someone else's. he can be emotionally unavailable. preferred sexual role: switch. turn offs: aggression and antagonism, lack of consideration, belittling and mocking. tactlessly and bluntly honest. love languages: to receive: physical touch, quality time (even if it's shared silence), and words of affirmation. to give: physical touch and quality time. relationship tendencies: he can fall easily for anyone who gives him positive attention, praise, or validation, and he almost never verbally admits to being in love until the relationship has broken off—he's terrible with genuine and threatening emotional vulnerability and will avoid being in a position where he can be extremely hurt. for that same reason, when he gets too close, he can suddenly pull away. "ghosting"? this can be hard for people to pick up on, too. he's so spacey and is inherently, to a degree, emotionally removed or subdued.

miscellaneous.

character theme tune: "gymnopédies no. 1" by erik satie. hobbies to pass time: writing. reading. drinking and substance use, occasionally with tennyson or fernando pessoa. driving or aimlessly cruising in his car. takes roping lessons, like lassoing and wrangling cattle on horseback (he's a hobbyist and can't compete. he can mainly only rope dummies while stationary on his own two feet). wine tasting. left- or right-brained: right. self-confidence level: low.

tagged by: @godpyre and @indeath (ty!) tagging: @vilestblood, @vullcanica (any), @lykaiia, @ohshadow, @sparrowsfall, @tewwor (any), @vanishinq

[gloriousprincesscreature]

This is how I spend a weekend

I watched Minority Report on Friday night although I had a strong hunch that I would Not Like it, because Tom Cruise is smoking hot in it. Turns out, I did not like it, but Tom Cruise was hot. Absolutely no regrets.

And then I spent the entire Saturday thinking about the blocking and set design in Minority Report, woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep. So I went back and watched thirty more minutes of grey dreck just so that I could stare at Tom's beautiful face and on Sunday morning I am exhausted.

Now its 3pm on Sunday and ... I am rewatching the rest of Minority Report because TC is positively glowing in every shot he appears in.

I don't know what it is about this guy, there's just something magical that draws the eye to his face at the exclusion of everything else on the screen.

Observation 1: He can do the subtle eyes shimmering with tears really well. We don't even know what really happened with John's son the first two times this expression appears and I am already sad because I'm empathizing Hard, and hey, I am a deeply unemotional person due to being dead inside. OCD and a lousy job will do that to a person. But I'm also terribly, terribly aroused. The script is thin with regard to John's character but TC's vulnerability and the thin, almost bruised-looking skin under his eyes just Does Things to me.

Observation 2: He can't convey anger with depth. It's just shouting.

SPOILERS AHEAD. If you can even spoil a twenty year old movie. Maybe with expensive vacations and designer lingerie. I'm too poor to have ever tried.

Observation 3: The movie is better on a second watch. I can mentally filter out the silly comedic/action elements that should not have been there in the first place. Without them it's a straight up neo-noir in the vein of LA Confidential. Just as in LA Confidential, there's a Twink (Danny Witwer/Colin Farrell), an evil authority figure, and a beautiful, deeply tormented, emotionally repressed cop.

Observation 4: TC's eyebrows and hair have never looked better.

Observation 5: John Anderton is in love with Lamar Burgess. Of this much I am sure. He saves his only real smile for Lamar and ... hahahaha ... we all know what happens next.

I'm replaying bits of this compulsively. Something intensely fucked up and loving happened between these two men.

"Remember, the eyes ... the eyes of the nation are on us right now. And we both know, I'm not the generation anyone listens to, but people trust you, John. When you speak of your absolute belief in pre-crime, they know its a belief born of pain, not politics. I always understood that, and I may have even encouraged it, to help with the cause. [Deep sigh] But now, your pain is hurting both of us."

Lamar meets John eyes briefly before looking away. John has been looking at Lamar the whole time. John continues to gaze at Lamar with so. much. Love. Concern. And all these feelings just getting in the way of what is So Obvious to Us. Lamar is hiding something. John is honest.

"They're not gonna take it away from us. [long pause. Continues to stare into the face of his Beloved/Teacher/Saviour/Master. Makes a vow] I won't let them."

We stay with this moment for awhile before cutting away (BUT NOT LONG ENOUGH). Which is (still) lovely and a lot of modern films don't do this.

I think, I think this is the most intimate, personal interaction in this movie. Minority Report is poxy with zooming camera, overbearing soundtrack, office environments. But when Lamar and John speak, its quiet and the camera just stops fucking around and doesn't get in the way.

Max von Sydow is class. He's inherently slinky and he purrs.

These two minutes hold the seeds (or fragments? fragments) of a much better movie.

At this moment, I don't know if Tom Cruise can Act, but that face was carved by the Gods.

*deep sigh*

I can't finish the rewatch.

[mikkaeus]

detransition, baby - a review

apparently the “first book written by an openly trans woman to be published by a big 5 publishing house” but that was from a goodreads review so dont quote me on that

disclaimer im am? mostly cis at this point in time

i really enjoyed this book. i loved how unapologetically queer it was. i loved the writing style and overall tone (more on this later*). i cant imagine what the experience must be for the average cis person that has never thought about Gender in their life. 

the one-line summary of the plot is that Ames (detransitioned trans woman) accidentally gets Katrina (his gf) pregnant and proposes that his ex gf Reese (trans woman) to be a coparent because he can’t stand the idea of being shoehorned into the role of a dad and all the gender fuckery that entails by virtue of Katrina’s cishetness. 

the book follows the reese and amy in vignettes from various periods of their lives, as well as the ongoing story in the present with katrina’s pregnancy. the timeline is meandering as it frequently recounts memories from the present, but i didn’t find it hard to follow.

our lovely cast:

- Reese: cynical & confident as a self-described trans elder. she desperately wants a child of her own. she’s emotional and impulsive and has several toxic relationships with men prior to and after her long-term relationship with Amy. her view on womanhood is fucked up, but understandably so. A lot of people on Goodreads, at least half of them TERFs, took issue with this particular section (which is funny, because the author knew exactly what would happen). 

After all, Every woman adores a Fascist. Reese spent a lifetime observing cis women confirm their genders through male violence. 

....

Liberal feminists — especially the trans-hating variety — would have a field day with her. ... But you know what? ... Why should the burden be on her to uphold impeccable feminist politics that barely served her? ... So yeah, Stanley, bring it on. Hit Reese. Show her what it means to be a lady. 

- Amy/Ames: a baby trans when she initially got together with reese, who was as much of a mother to her as she was a partner. she has never been able to break the habit of using maleness as an emotional shield, and one resulting casualty is her sex life — the inability to make herself vulnerable makes sex unsatisfying for both her and Reese. ultimately, their relationship breaks down and in the aftermath, Amy detransitions to Ames. 

- Katrina - late thirties, chinese/jewish, cishet, divorcee. this is her first venturing into queerness. she’s also Ames’ boss, but this dynamic is not explored at all tbh she might as well be his coworker. 

*THE PROSE! As I said earlier, I loved the writing style. It’s easy to read but embellished and ‘literary’ enough to be fun. Not sure of the right word to describe the tone but something like blasé/snappy/honest/blunt? it is also very funny. 

Ames pondered whether he ought to cancel his subscription to HBO in order to afford this sperm bank. He couldn’t fully comprehend the enormous weight of fatherhood and generational lineage, but he could easily comprehend how much he did not want to cancel HBO. 

...she welcomes Reese with a hug that, in its unexpected affection, Reese would put somewhere between suddenly discovered long-lost relative and cult leader thanking you for your impending sacrifice.

is this a Queer Misery book? i don’t think so. all the Bad Things (transphobia, homophobia, dysphoria, and so on) feature insofar that it is a book about the messy lives of these trans women. i didn’t find it depressing. 

are the characters likeable? storygraph says “it’s complicated”. personally, i was emotionally invested in them at around the 50% mark. as someone who has never wanted children or been interested in motherhood at all, and also never been particularly moved by those who were, i was really hoping that things would work out for reese.

the question of race. amy and reese are very white and this is underlined in the book in a sufficiently self-aware (on the part of the author) way. i dont think this detracted from the book. more thoughts on this here. 

sEx? some people have said there was a lot of sex in this book but i personally didn’t really think so (by the standard of fanfic at least). i guess there’s a decent number of talk about sex but not that many sex scenes? 

is co-sleeping with your baby bad? the science says yes! sleeping in the same room is not the same as sleeping in the same bed!! this is the most problematic part of the book 

unfortunately, (MINOR SPOILERS)

I didn’t get the happy ending that I had desperately hoped for (though i probably should’ve clocked something when it ended at 12 weeks post conception). Instead, we got an ambiguous ending that I guess could be seen as hopeful. I’m the type of guy that wants closure in all my stories but alas.