#i love watching live performances they touch my heart so hard 😭

[rucow]

youtube recommended me a recent acoustic performance of Just corey and i had to pause my eating bc i couldn't take my eyes off of him long enough to bring my spoonful of hummus to my mouth

[im14andivebeen14foramonth]

My Outsiders experience last night!!!

hey y'all sorry for how late i'm posting this 😭😭 i didn't think id be so tired but going to school and then all of that traveling to and from the show last night wore me outtt (slept until almost noon oopsies). i really wanted to post this right after the show when everything was all fresh in my mind but i just could not muster up the energy. that being said if you send any asks about certain things it'll probably revive my memory a little bit so i can give more details about it

anywho here it goes!!

Act 1

have to start off by saying this was suchhh a surreal moment when i sat down in the theater for the first time since ive been obsessed with the outsiders for years and years

one general thing that i will say is that for some reason i expected the stage to be like huge but when i saw how much smaller it was than i imagined it actually made me feel so much closer to the actors and more in the moment which i ended up loving!!!

another general note THERE WAS SO MUCH SPITTING IT CAUGHT ME SO OFF GUARD

when i opened the pamphlet and saw that the only understudy was andre in place of renni for steve and i knew for certain that brody was there,,,,y'all i was freaking out

i was watching the left side of the theater for bordy for like a solid twenty minutes and i almot SCREAMED when i saw him walking down the aisle

the show started almost immediately after that which i didn't expect so it kind of threw me off guard but as soon as it started me and my friend were squeezing ech others hands so hard for like 30 minutes straight (side note my wrist is bruised thats how hard we were doing it)

brodys. vocals. OH MY GOD. i wasnt all that big on brody when i first found out about the musical but m mutuals have in fact swayed me and hearing him live. wow.

him sitting in the audience was so so SO cool

maybe i'm just delusional BUT me and my friend both swore that we saw brent looking right at our section at us during tulsa 67 and my heart started RACING brent i love you

the way the cars come on stage??? is so fucking cool????

did NOT know they dropped his notebook in the water my jaw dropped and the high-pitched ringing when he goes unconscious oh my goddddd

ace's "you wish" while holding her ass was so fucking funny

jason was being so playful with brent!! for the first like ten minutes of the show he was like smacking him with his towel nonstop; also during ggah you could see darry and soda arguing off to the side and darry looked sooo done (i could make a whole post dedicated to brents performance...maybe i will actually) and the way he flipped the bat in his hand was cool as hell; also do one dropped anything during the song!!!

soda and two-bit's little moment during ggah when soda sings "keeping the prettiest one on your arm" had me laughing so hard

runs in the family was so sad :(( but brents vocals were FANTASTIC live. and soda FOLD THE DAMN LAUNDRY!!!! HE GAVE YOU THE LAUNDRY BASKET FOR REASON DONT JUST DROP IT ON THE FLOOR you're making the poor boy upset >:(

jason was being sooo funny when he's on the bed with pony. he kept doing little voices and he was being super sweet too, he was playing with pony's hair and rubbing his shoulders the whole time. "544 FUCKING PAGES?!"

the flashlights in great expectations were such an amazing touch

POOR JOHNNY he looked so scared when his parents were fighting. also i will never shut up about how amazingly they use the sets, keeping the door open with the distant sound of his parents fighting was such a smart move

friday at the drive in was phenomenal live; cherry kept trying to get bob to follow her and he kept pulling away, bob looked so done with it when cherry and chet started dancing, marcia was like alll over tripp on the hood of the car and then chet and (i think?) paul were just laying all cute on the car together; plus THE DANCE BATTLE OH MY GOD???? i cant remember if it was steve or two-bit (my brain wants to say two-bit tho) but one of them started thrusting into the ground and my jaw was on the floor

i could talk to you all night...the vocals...so beyond honored to hear emma and brody get to harmonize like that right in front of me

kwp your acting HOLY HELL!!! he genuinely made me jump when he started yelling at cherry. "is there a problem here, robert?" "EAT SHIT MARCIA!"

"cherry valance" "NO SHIT!!!"

brent's anger during ritfr was sooo beyond palpable, he made me jump when he threw the bills at soda. also jason was so good at looking dejected, picking up everything and putting it back ont he table than trying to hold darry back from pony

far away from tulsa made me cry for the first time during the show!!

THE CARS AGAIN OH MY GOD!!! and the drowning scene?? the sound of pony screaming under the water??? the lights going out as bob dies and flashing before it cuts to him bloody in the fountain???? beyond phenomenal

run run brother you will always be famous to me. the boards acting as trains??? oh my god

Act 2

jft was one of the songs i was most excited to see live and it was BRILLIANT i loved the flashlights. also marcia holding back from cherry...oughhhh my heart. TWO-BITS SCREAM BROKE MY HEARTTT. and emma's opt-up!!! beautiful

general note since i don't know where to add this DAN BERRY I LOVE YOU!!!

death's at my door had me SOBBING

once again brent's anger in his fight with dally was amazing, and then the direct lead in into titt oughhhh

titt also had me sobbing by the end oh my god

the poem scene was beautiful, i was taken back to being ten years old and rewinding that scene of the movie a million times and to see it live in front of me? an honor

"ITS GOLD LOCKS AND HER UGLY SISTER!" dally was hilarious this whole scene

soda's letter...brent finishing the last line...just kill me why don't you

dally was IN johnny's face during their argument he was sooo angry i was not expecting that

when i saw pony throw the cigarette i was just kind of like "oh he threw the cigarette" and then a few seconds later i was like WAIT WAIT NOOO

THE FIREEEEEE. IT WAS SO SO SO SO SO SO SO COOL OH MY GODDDDDDD

hoods turned heros vocals were AMAZING. also darry looked so happy and proud of pony and it made me all teary

hey so. so who was going to tell me that dally carries in johnny's body like that. also he was right, johnny looked so small :(

hopeless war was DEVASTATING. that's the end.

i will forever love the lead in to trouble, the song is short but so underrated. "once a greaser always a greaser" darry marry me now

loved watching kwp and sky sneak onto the stage during the rumble

SPEAKING OF THE RUMBLE. THE FUCKING RUMBLE???? I WILL N E V E R SEE SOMETHING AS COOL AS THAT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME EVER AGAIN. THE LIGHTING?? THE RAIN?? THE SOUNDS??? THEIR FACES BEING TERRIFIED COVERED IN BLOOD??? PONY ALMOST HITTING JOHNNY THEN STOPPING????? KILL ME NOW OH MY GOD

"pony...pony...come closer" y'all i am not exaggerating that when he's in the bed, johnny sounds like a scared little boy it broke my heart. also soda calling johnny buddy hurttt me :(

when johnny died my fucking heart BROKE. ace was in the background clutching her hair and full on SOBBING. pony on the ground??? and i saw other people say that jason goes to hold pony but at least for this show he liked sat behind pony and pulled in down so that they were both like laying on the ground with pony on top of him. pony pulling away too......:(

joshua boone the fucking MAN THAT YOU ARE. little brother only made me keep crying twice as hard as before. and guys. GUYS. JOSHUA BOONE, A FULL GROWN MAN, WAS SOBBING LIKE A LITTLE BOY THE WHOLE SOG. WHENEVER HE WASN'T SINGING YOU COULD HEAR HIM AUDIBLY SOB AND HIS WHOLE FACE CRUMBLED. HE CAME AND STOOF IN FRONT OF MY AREA DURING THE BREAK IN THE SONG AND JUST CURLED IN ON HIMSELF AND STARTED SOBBING. MY HEART.

his death scene....when pony starts talking about his death and he stands in the lights of the train, pony isn't talking super loud and you could hear josh whimper and his face crumble again and he just kept doing it over and over again like he was STILL crying from the song while he was dying

the dinner scene hurt like a BITCH. one of my favorite moments int he whole show was when brent walked over to the tv to shut it off and the whole stage was just silent. it really amplified the tension

pony beating on darry's chest :( and then brent was crying so fucking hard and then JASON was crying so fucking hard. and then cherry walking in and them both tryign to act normal. speaking of cherry the voice she uses to talk to pony HURT. ME. WHEN SHE'S ABOUT TO LEAVE AND HE DOESN'T ANSWER AND SHE JUST GOES "okay." I WAS CRYINGGGG. and then another fav moment was when she leaves and her, darry and soda all say bye, they were all so quiet about it and it felt so natural

PONY. CLUTCHING THE CLOTHES. BURYING HIS FACE IN THEM??? SODA STARTING TO READ THE LETTER TO PONY???????????

stay gold. i have no words. it was fucking beautiful and i sobbed like a baby.

also like i said i could make a wholeee post just on brent, but i need to say this now. BRENT. WAS SITTING AT THAT TABLE FOR A SOLID LIKE TEN MINUTES. JUST SOBBING. he kept looking like he was trying to compose himself like sucking in big breaths, but then his lip would quiver and his face would just crumble and the tear would start up again and and AUGHHHHHHHH it hurt so so so bad

pony saying his writing probably wasn't any good. "can I read it?" DARREL CURTIS YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART!! and also soda's "am i in it :)?" and when pony says darry's in it too and darry goes "oh great." the whole crowd was laughing and then him telling pony to make sure he has great hair in the book so so funny

not enough people laughed at the green beans scene and it made me sad >:(

when pony looks at johnny during the finale...and then johnny looks at dally and they smile at each other....ohhhh my god

also when pony started singing about dally it broke my heart ESPECIALLY since i didn't know dally sings that part too

side note when it was a little ways into the finale song and darry and soda are still eating at the table, brent winked at jason and when jason turned i could see im smiling a little bit. i think it was brent's way of checking in wih jason and making sure he was okay, it was super cute tho

overall the finale song was fantasticccc

Stagedoor!!

andre came out first, he was super super sweet!!

then victor came out, he was also awesome!!!

y'all....when rj walked out i almost SCREAMED. he's the only one that i got a good pic with (its fine tho cuz my friend got pics of everyone else) but when he was signing my book he went "what's uppppp :)" and i was ready to fucking EXPLODE my heart was racing. and then my friend's mom manage to get a pic of him smiling at me with this big ass grin and i'm not even goign to lie i keep going back and looking at the picture every few hours my heart is full omg

next up was kwp and let me tell you guys...if i was fangirling over rj i dont even know what to say about me with kwp i was on another LEVEL. he is very very pretty and his voice is insanely charming when he's talking and he looked me in my eyes and i just.....yeah i'll never be normal about this

last up was josh boone and i was also geeking out so hard. he was like "what's going on :)?" and he was super nice, he made sure to get a pic with me after signing everyone's stuff around me and reassured me that he didn't forget about me like halfway through the signings he was just super super nice

okay guys this post is LONGGG but i had sooo much to say (and i still have more to say sooo...spam the inbox if you want more details bc i am MORE than happy to yap about it!!) overall i just feel so beyond honored to watch this happen live in front of me after spending years and years of my life in love with the outsiders. me and my friend are trying to go back soon and sit front row :)

[sakurabutterflyart]

Nooshy X Johnny, Jooshy When the Girl Street Dancer's Heart Beats

"I think I like him." Nooshy thought.

The Moon Theater were preparing for their next performance. She was excited cause it'll be her first time to join them after watching them at the backstage for so long.

Though she was starting to feel strange whenever she saw his bestfriend. She can't help but stare at him like he's the most beautiful thing that was made in this world. How cheesy…

The lynx sigh, trying to brush off what she thought and feel for that silly yet lovable gorilla bestfriend of hers. She hates having these feelings, especially after being abandoned and live at the streets for her entire teenage years. Running away from her own home, doing street dance for a living. Which is hard. That she couldn't bear losing her new life and even her own bestfriend.

"Hey you okay there? The show is about to start." Before she knew it, her bestfriend was in front of her. Placing his palms to her forehead. Which is really warm, that she lean in and enjoying his warm touch. "If you're not feeling well, we can always ask someone else to do it for you."

"No, I'm fine mate. Just a little… Nervous?" She did feel her heart is racing, not because of the show but because of this handsome guy who was holding her. That she just wanna squeeze him into her arms and let her self fall. "DID I SERIOUSLY THINK LIKE THAT?!"

The guy gave her his signature i-care-about-you face, that she always thought that it was cute. "Oh? When you feel nervous, just look at me, we're gonna be performing there together after all. Just know that I'll be there for you, mate."

He hugged her, trying to ease her nerves, that her heart is 2x faster than ever and she's enjoying it. Her cheeks warming. Usually she's gonna push and tease him for being cheesy, but to Johnny's surprise she was snuggling back. "Thanks mate, really… For everything."

"Heh, aren't I the one who's suppose to say that? You did taught me how to do those moves." He chuckles, that he earned a light punch to his stomach.

"Just shut up and accept my thanks."

"Hahaha oww, okay miss…"

Yeah, that's why she love him. That she can't bear losing him. Ever since she moved and become a member of the Moon Theater. There's always someone who keeps knocking at her door everyday to greet her a good morning. Inviting her for breakfasts. Willing to spend his time. Care for her when she's sick. Or simply just being there, by her side.

She's really falling for him…

Thanks for reading this cheesy weird Fanfic! I've been scrolling for more Nooshy X Johnny Fanfic. But everyone seems to have already left this fandom. That I ended up writing cause I'm bored and I can't find one about them, cause I've already read ALL OF THEM! 😭 SOMEBODY please write about them!!! Huhu

[asylumwise]

I've just started watching the rerun and I think I'm gonna cry??? The brainrot is real. Gonna just liveblog in this post so I can reread my train of thought later. So, for your entertainment: my rundown of the KPWT

(edit: added skit titles for clarity)

That intro is just... ✨cinematic masterpiece✨

But can you image how it must have felt for them? Standing there in their swag outfits just waiting for the screens to rise while that thriller music is making your heart race and you hear a whole arena screaming?

They all look so fucking proud of eachother during the introductions 😍

Them welcoming us in different languages is also verrrrry... 🥵

I know live translating/subtitling is a noble art but was there no way to prepare the scripted parts in advance?

(TayTimeTem skit)

Love this first song, had it in my spotify playlist since watching the live stream 😂 I'm also getting really good at singing in phonetic Thai

Having not read the original novel, I was never really into the TayTimeTem-thing, but omg this show makes me wish we had 20 eps so they could have explored that storyline thoroughly as well. Especially Us would have given us everything

(Jeff solo)

I can't begin to explain the way "Why don't you stay" pulls on my heartstrings. For me, it's up there in my top 5 of most beautiful songs ever (with Harry Styles' Sign of the Times & Pink Floyd's Wish you were here, for example). It breaks my heart to hear how Jeff's still a little hoarse after his covid infection 😭 there were definitely some flat notes there that wouldn't have been there otherwise

(Slot Machine performance)

Wish I could see a live performance of Slot Machine one day, looks like they're amazing live. I've been listening to them on Spotify and I really love their music!

Pretty sure that Mile's more showing off and having a good time than actually playing and I love that for him. He's so fucking precious.

Jeff. Look at you. Jeff. Gorgeous rockstar. You were born to stand on such big stages. Jeff. Please conquer the world. I wanna see you live one day. Love you Jeff

My mouth fell open the first time I heard him hit those notes in Lost Stars - he's a fucking talent and I'm sure he can be the next big thing in rock. It's quite hard to explain to people in the real world how much I love him 🤣

(VegasPete skit)

Bible YES. Do it to me. Props to the music and choreography team. And the scene setting 👌 also A+ on the BibleBuild acting.

(Nodt solo)

OMG the Big sequence 😭😭 I don't know who came up with it but Nodt is killing it. You can almost touch the pain on his face. I also love it how the crowd goes wild when he confirms Big was in love with Kinn.

(Us & Build duo)

Having just been to Tomorrowland, that amount of EDM and laserlights is really triggering 🤣 But omg their dancing looks so much fun

(Anita & Barcode stuff)

YES MOM. Having Anita dance to Doja Cat makes no sense at all (not for her character nor for her amount of screentime) but I'm so here for it. Might be the pansexual in me speaking.

And BAM suddenly we understand why everybody's always hyping up Barcode. That kid is gonna be BIG. He's a totally different person when he's on stage doing his thing - hard to imagine the cute and shy kid he is rest of the time.

Love how Anita/Namphueng is like 'let me put a coat over you' while he's already wearing like, 5 layers

'My older son is handsome, my younger son is sweet' - 'isn't my mom handsome?' WE WERE ROBBED

I know it's controversial but I love that little grain of KimChay closure they've given us. I liked how they ended in the series: Kim realising that he has a lot of groveling to do and Chay taking agency - but not ending together, giving Chay space and time. He's 19 - I like to imagine he takes a few years to grow up and learn to be himself before they collide again, and take it from there.

(Jeff solo WDYS english version)

THERE IT IS. I was waiting (after having watched the clips on youtube for daaaaays). This is devastatingly beautiful for me (again, for reason I can't explain myself). It's not even the fact that it's in English - by now I've become so used to the Thai version that the sounds are wrong. But omg the scenery and setting. The piano, the build-up, the choir and Jeff just releasing it. I honestly don't know why this man isn't world wide famous yet (yes I will die on this hill). It will take a long time before I'm over this.

(KinnPorsche beach skit)

Honestly the beach bar part is one I liked less. Even if we have KinnPorsche being adorable and MileApo going 60% tiddies again. Mile has an amazing and soothing voice tho. And his fingers while playing guitar are 🥵

At first I thought the places on the those wooden signs might be clues to future stops of the world tour, but 'Iceland' is on them and although that would be awesome, I don't see it happening anytime soon 😅

(Minor family skit)

It will never not be funny to me how they give us a Minor family montage with the melancholic music and sad Vegas moments and then have Bible flying over the stage half naked to Imagine Dragons' Believer.

And that's not even mentioning what comes next.

Ta entering on skateboard is such a Macau thing. But I have conflicting feelings about the outfit - but only because I thought Macau was like 15 and that makes my tingly feelings very inappropriate.

Ex is the finest daddy to ever daddy (or more like, ultimate zaddy). Do you think this is just a regular friday night in the Minor family household?

Just, what was the train of thought behind this act? What was the process? Who came up with the idea "the minor family is hot, let's put them in leather and harnesses". I have questions.

Ex has a very peculiar accent, lots of rolling r's.

(Sailor Moon skit)

Oooh this is the part I missed during the livestream! I know what's coming tho and I have even more questions.

But Perth is clearly living his best life so good for him.

I should have watched Sailor Moon as a kid.

So much respect for them doing that skit in high heels. And omg their legs? How are they so elegant??

Tong, you absolute king. MVP.

The state of Perth's wig is atrocious.

(Justice Bao skit - had to look that up)

Next part. I love how Apo is hanging there literally going 'This was all Mile's idea and I'm just going along for the right because I (platonically) love that bastard'.

(Bodyguard/Magic Mike skit)

Wait you're telling me there was a poledance and it wasn't Bible doing it?

As someone who often comes into contact with high-end events & awardshows in their professional life, I'm really impressed with the production value of this show 😳

That bodyguard/Magic Mike part. How did the people on the front row SURVIVE???? 🥵🥵🥵

I've been using the 🥵 emoji a lot.

(Pond intermezzo)

Oh those clips 😊 little babies <3

I want that t-shirt. What was the deal with the merch again? When is it open for international orders?

(Cast speeches)

Hello I'm in love with Perth's Australian accent. Hello Perth baby sending love from Belgium!

Even though I only understand half of what they're saying (due to the slow subtitles), I'm so fucking touched by all of them. Love how they're all getting emotional the longer it takes. I'm really enthralled by these sixteen (16) men. How they clearly like and love eachother and lean on eachother. How they all express their gratitude to everyone and especially P'Pond. I love that man so much for what he did for them. And us ofcourse!

STOP IT BUILD I'M GONNA CRY WITH YOU

Apo's speech I'm - 😪 And omg Bible?? Who ever made these babies feel bad? Imma smack a bitch.

I feel like the translator just gave up halfway Mile's speech. Fair enough 😂 he's giving off real "I do what I waunt" vibes, mr. one-of-the-CEOs-of-BOC. But oh the 'family' part 😭

(Cumulus)

Aaah the long awaited Cumulus. They're really good musicians and what they're lacking in the vocal department, they're more than making up in fun.

Thai pop/rock music has some absolute bangers. These are alle going in my spotifiy playlist.

Yeah I'm gonna need about 200 high quality photo's of Jeff and Barcode singing together with the latters foot on Jeff's knee.

I hope they're saying sorry to those background singers for being such a bundle of chaos

(Finale)

THAT TRAILER I don't know what to say guys, this movie can actually only disappoint after the expectations that trailer raised.

I want to go clubbing with these guys so bad. Or even better, go to Tomorrowland (biggest and best EDM festival in the world) with them. I'll secure a spot on the bill for Ta, he's doing better than 50% of the dj's I've heard there.

Their dancing is... sorry sweating and dirty thoughts only

How is this WHOLE cast so exceptionally beautiful?

However much I love this and however much fun they seem to be having, they also look dead on their feet. But who wouldn't be after this marathon of a show?

Ooooh the famed Macarana remix! This is actually... really good? I want this in clubs this summer! (not that this mom of two is doing a lot of clubbing nowadays)

Wow Ta is actually a really good dj

(the end)

Bye boys, love you. So happy I got to see this show in full and with complete concentration. Thank you for giving it your all!

I don't think this full show is going to be the one that's going on tour, it'll probably a much smaller version. I'm very curious about what it's gonna be tho and if it's coming to Europe (to an easily accessible city), I'll sure as hell go see it!

The show's over and I have 6 minutes to spare so that's me rewinding tot 01:58:00 for Jeff's WDYS on piano kthxbye

[disappointed-and-depleted]

Every Single Moment In One Piece That Made Me And My Cold Dead Heart Genuinely Cry (Or At The Very Least Tear Up A Bit): Spoilers If You Haven't Watched, Obviously

Rated by how much I cried

Dr. Hiriluk's death (9/10 the first cry is always a good one)

Usopp desperately wanting to fix the Going Merry after being seriously injured himself (6/10, heartbreaking)

Pretty much everything about that whole Merry fiasco (fat fucking tears, that shit hurted my soul)

Robin saying she wants to live (9/10, her backstory hit hard too)

The Merry coming back to save everyone 😭😭😭😭😭😭 (10/10 I cried about it for a week)

The Pantsless Franky Chase™ and the aftermath (1/10, it had my cry laughing and bit sadness)

Nothing happened, nothing at all aka Zoro's encounter with Kuma and sacrificing himself (1/10, I didn't really cry, but it was certainly something)

The recording last performance of the Rumbar pirates for Laboon (9/10, I love Brook so much and Bink's brew makes me cry just hearing it)

Luffy's desperation to save his crew from Kuma, and failing (5/10, it just adds to the pain that comes later)

The flashbacks of all the members joining the crew with the ballad version of Bink's Brew playing in the background (7/10, the music made it worse)

Pretty much the entire episode of 405 (shit hurted, man)

Bonclay sacrificing himself AGAIN at impell down (7/10, the fact that everyone was trying so hard and he still had to be left behind)

Luffy so desperate to save Ace (8/10)

Luffy holding onto his dying brother, crying (9/10)

Its painful to watch

Ace's last words aND DYING IN LUFFY'S ARMS (10/10)

I'M STILL WRECKED OKAY, DON'T TOUCH ME

Luffy's reaction to him dying (10/10, I cant remember Luffy ever crying like that and it freakin hurt-)

This didnt make me cry but Koby straight up having a panic attack on the battle field, was kinda intense (3/10, yeesh)

Christ on a bike

Luffy's rampage through Amazon Lily, processing Ace's death (7/10, I had gotten over it a little bit by then but Luffy sure didn't and his pain is my pain)

Flashback young Ace "I'm never gonna die" speech/promise (2/10, cause I'm still not fully over it)

Luffy crying and doubting his dream of becoming king, calling himself weak (3/10, this is the most I can remember Luffy has cried the entire show this point and it was kinda heart wrenching)

The Fish Princes and Princess interrupting thier mother's funeral to give their speech (3/10, I felt really bad)

Chopper's anger and grief at the Punk Hazard children being experimented on and then going through withdrawls (1/10, I only teared up a little bit but I dont like it when my child is mad, also really uncomfortable to watch)

The one legged toy soldier aka Curos' backstory (5/10 yeouchie my feelies)

CORA-SAAAAAAN 😭😭😭 (8/10, fucking fucky fuck, owww)

Fujitora's "I wonder what he looks like" monologue (1/10, very sweet)

Sanji beating thE FUCK OUT OF LUFFY, HOLY SHIT (6/10, felt like I was kicked too)

I haven't finished watching Whole Cake Island but I'll probably cry some more, One Piece has hurt me in ways nothing else has

[stormblessed95]

Memories 2014

So I asked awhile ago when I said I was going back to watch every memories DVD they have released so far, if you would be interested in commentary from me as I did so. There were a lot of people who said yes, so here we are! I have officially watched BTS Memories of 2014. Here are my thoughts as I went. There were only 3 DVDs in this one and it was overall, much shorter (makes sense, it was 2014). Reminder that these aren't going to be smoothly written out thoughts. You get these like I'm live reacting, texting my bestie or live tweeting. Lol it'll be in like bullet point format sort of, just... a commentary post as I go. Lol Hope you enjoy anyway! Let's go! This is sooo long. Sorry in advance...

Disc 1:

BTS 1st Muster FanMeeting:

The first video starts off with a recording of their first ever Muster held in March 29, 2014! They really were hardcore with that bulletproof theme back then. Lol All the green laser lights, the opening stage looks like a spy movie, with a green grid car breakdown and a countdown to when BTS is on the stage, a robot lady voice announcing them and all their rookie group awards they got 🥺 they were soooo young too. So young!! The VCRs in between sets were amazing to watch.

Track list:

NO

No More Dream

We Are Bulletproof pt. 2

Just One Day

If I Ruled the World

Jump

Paldogangsan

Attack on Bangtan

Boy in Luv

Like

They are SUCH performers. So good. They truly know how to command a stage. Even only a year into their career. They are amazing. I wish honestly that there was a little bit less on the intense red lighting for the first 2 songs because it's sometimes hard to Clearly see their faces, but it does look super cool.

Everyone in long sleeves, Jimin in no sleeves. Because of course. Lol and boy did that camera man zoom in during that No More Dream shirt lift 🤣🤣 he wanted to make sure we didn't miss it I guess. The 3J dance break at the end of WAB2 live will always be one of my favorite things to see ever. Hobi can rock fingerless gloves like literally no one else I have ever seen.

I'll also mention that JK maybe didn't have his mic close enough or something happened where we couldn't really hear his line of "Okay mom, I'll go to the library now" in No More Dream and Jimin missed an "ooh" in WAB... and I'll just say that it's sooo obvious that their mics are ON and they are otherwise flawless. No backing track covering what their mics didn't pick up. They are so cool, have been from the start!

Yoonmin aggressively shouting with the crowd during their mentions and Jungkook going "I think this is the most anticipated and exciting moment since my debut" just melt my heart please!!! They were all sooo freaking happy to be there and to have so many fans show up to see them. Hobi explained muster means to muster up courage or to draft soldiers so it has a special meaning because they can draft ARMY up and get together anytime now 🥺

They showed a tough guy prank camera on the screen. Lmfao thr producers called them in for a fake personality test just to do a jump scare on them through the screen, like in horror movies. Everyone was just confused and totally unfazed... except for Jihope, lmfao who both screamed and almost fell out of their chairs 🤣

Palgodangsan and Attack on Bangtan are some of my favorites and are so fun. The background dancers joined them and were just partying on stage with them. I loved it.

The ending mentions are KILLING ME. They are all so emotional. I lost it at Hobi speaking third, so did everyone else too. They are all crying and please. This is their dream. "I'll always want to be a a singer like a flower for you guys" Hobi please 😭😭 they all shared such extremely touching words.

Muster Making Film:

HopeKook pinching at each other and standing in the middle of the concert hall chairs and randomly dancing on stage. Tae running up and down the aisles of chairs, so freaking excited to do a wave with the crowd. Suga saying he has been to concert here and now gets to preform here. They were all so nervous.

Aww Yoongi and JK crashing into each other during rehearsals. Lol trying to get used to the new stage. And even after rehearsals were officially over, they all stayed and continued running through it on their own.

They were soooooo nervous and did soooo good! 🥺🥺

Jimin immediately started in on teasing Suga about crying on stage. The editors "everyone cried but already teasing the older members." RM telling us how much he sacrificed to get here and how grateful he is to ARMY. JK bowing to ARMY through the camera and saying how much he loves us. TaeJin getting emotional while giving their ending comments about loving ARMY and both of them kept looking over to Jimin while they spoke. He really does bring such comfort to his members. Jimin "I held my tears in well." Editors "no. We saw you wiping them away" lmfao let him breathe 😂 Hobi also looking over to Jimin while talking and both of them getting emotional all over again before Hobi wraps him up in an aggressive hug and half drags Jimin away. Lol Goodness, I love them all.

Disc 2:

BTS Live Trilogy Ep. 2: The Red Bullet Concert:

The fact that Memories 2014 includes 2 whole ass concerts is AMAZING. Man, I want to own these all one day. For the DVDs of concerts alone would be enough lol. This was a concert from October 19, 2014. The third concert in their Red Bullet Tour, the 3rd day of their first tour stop in Korea.

Track list:

Opening

NO

We Are Bulletproof

We On

Hip Hop Phile

Let Me Know

Rain

Embarrassed (aka: Blanket Kick)

Look Here

Outro: Propose

No More Dream

Tomorrow

Miss Right

Like

Cypher Pt 3: Killer

Triptych + War Of Hormone

Danger

Boy in Luv

Roadpath

Jump

Attack on Bangtan

Paldogangsan

Man, they really went to town on the bad boy, school boys gone rogue themes for this concert. Opening up with a teacher informing the crowd of the concert rules, and then the VCR showing them not following class rules, getting scolded and then picking up their BTS bulletproof vests and following Suga out of the classroom. Lol love it.

Jimin introducing himself with the "Ayo, who am i?" And the crowd screaming "Park Jimin" lmfaooo I see this and all I can think about is the rest of the guys reacting to that moment later and Jimin just DYING of embarrassment on the floor and the way they clown him about that constantly, always.

Look, no one, absolutely no one can wreck me as hard as rap line bias wrecks me when they go off on stage! We On and Hip Hop Phile are songs I listen to all the time. ALL THE TIME. And then they followed those up with Let Me Know and Rain which are legendary songs for Jimin vocally and just ARGH. I loved every second of that, thank you.

BTS stopping in the middle of the song during Look Here to play rock paper scissors to see who would do Aeygo is 100% a very BTS thing to do. And omg Outro: Propose was the vocal line just taking turns trying to make ARMY swoon and serenading/proposing to each other. TaeJin fighting over who proposes to JK, Jimin proposing to V who pretending to swoon for real. And just a bunch of smiles.

ARMY asking JK to speak informally and then Jihope melting into giggles and affection when he did, "listen girls." Also Jimin demonstrated a special move for Miss Right, and did a flip. And I swear, Hobi grabbed him the biggest hug. Hobi is Jimin's biggest hype man. Lol

Going from Like to the Cyphers is such a whiplash. My god. I love their intensity so much though and the way they hype the crowd and throw water. I LOVE rap line. My god. Tae growling and shouting through all his parts in War Of Hormone and Danger. Sir, calm down! I cannot!

Jin starting off their ending speeches and already making me emotional. "I love ARMY as much as I love my parents" "I want to cry, but I won't because I'm the eldest" Jin, please 😭 Suga talking about writing lyrics to Roadpath and his struggles and how grateful he is to ARMY. Tae, "I went through so much and almost didn't make it in the group, but I'm here now because of the members" Jimin, "yes, I went through so much trouble. Sigh" lmfao PLEASE! 😂 For real though, they all were so sweet and so emotional and wonderful. These ending speeches get me every time. And RM is the King of Speeches as usual, he even sang for everyone there too.

Encore stages were legit popping. Omg. I loved watching this so much. I know I probably left way too many comments over it and yet at the same time, it wasn't enough!

The Red Bullet Concert Preparation:

Sope acting out a Horror movie waiting for their shooting time and then Hobi feeling himself in the bad boy fit and performing for the camera in a one man show and then hyping Suga up as Agust D. Hobi basically was doing skits with Maknae line and they were all very flirty the whole time he wasn't shooting. Also the difference in when they are on camera acting tough and off camera all giggles is so cute. Everyone else focused on set all sitting at their desks, and then vmin off in the own little world, heads together, giggling whenever they aren't filming. 😂

Taekook playing on the playground together outside during break and I swear JK was going to kill Tae on the spinning roundabout ride. Lmfao Tae is begging to stop and holding on for dear life, JK please! Lol then they both take a night vision camera to go exploring pitch black factory looking rooms together and trying to scare each other. Tae was scared and ready to leave like the whole time. They have so much fun together, it's cute!

NamKook tricking Jhope first and then Jimin into the dark room to look for a "missing" JK just to continually jump scare them is so mean 😂 lmfao they know who scares the most easy on this group.

"Jungkook likes to torture his senses, he is a very dangerous guy. For anyone dating Jungkook in the future, make sure to keep this in mind." Lmfao Namjoon, and JK just inhaling and enjoying the disinfectant smells, high on life at scaring his hyungs and the camera cuts to him trying to shine a flashlight through his mouth and eyes. Lol

Jimin: "ARMY today let me introduce you to this kid I really adore. He is mentally unstable. He does things I don't really like." JK: *shines flashlight directly into Jimins eye* why Is this whole video just chaos? Lol

During practice. Hobi is giving a little intro and JK is just in the back somewhere shouting "Jiminie-hyung!" They all work so hard. I love seeing these dance practices and how much they work to make things perfect. It's incredible. Also "J-hope's dance is overjoyed even in practice" is such a J-hope sub for the editors to put in.

Directors come to interview JK. JK just takes the camera himself and goes to interview Jin. Lol Jin saying he is most looking forward to Outro: Propose during the concert because he wrote the second verse himself and its the first song with his own lyrics. 🥺 please, Jin it's amazing! "My team singing the song I wrote is really exciting for me" I'm so soft for him. He interviewed Tae next, who said he was most looking forward to seeing Rapline do Cypher. And Jimin is just standing behind him watching and playing with JKs hair the whole time. Vmin hyping up their b side tracks and how they only have good songs. Facts. And TaeKook being the biggest Cypher enthusiasts during that rehearsal is a MOOD.

The Red Bullet Concert Making Film:

I'm 10 minutes in and every other clip is Jihope being cute together. They have so much fun, I swear. It's so sweet. Tae getting to fill in for supreme Boi for the Cypher stage rehearsals. Lol he was so happy.

They were all sooo sooo nervous before performing. And they all handled those nerves in such different ways, but they killed it. And getting off stage and immediately collapsing but having giant smiles on their faces. They work SO HARD.

"I asked Jimin to give me a massage last night and this morning because my shoulders were so sore, so I'm okay now" Jhope telling us about how he overworked himself during day 1 of their concert so now he is very sore. And the way he was amazed and so grateful they sold out the tickets for all 3 days of their concert. So many cute Jihope clips here. Lol

Love that we are getting behind footage of them getting ready for the concert all 3 days in a row for their shows in Korea. It's nice seeing them relax just a smidge, knowing they got this as each day progresses on. 2seok singing "My Last Concert" song together in the waiting room.

Tae giggling his butt off while interviewing and messing with Namjoon while they are getting ready. Omg they are so cute.

The ending mentions.... Namjoon was making me tear up. He was so happy, this was everything he wanted to do and he was doing it. Sharing his music and his passion with the world. Having his love given back to him while performing. And they are all soo hard on themselves too.

Global Fan Meeting Making Film:

(Germany, Sweden and Brazil)

Jimin saying he is a little stiff now that he is a little older as he practically bends himself in half stretching. Sir, please. I'm a little stiff now. Our definitions of stiff are obviously very different.

Some of these fan questions... lmao oof. Jin asked to act cute, Tae asked to do a sexy dance. Jungkook asked if he likes older women (his answer was yes lol) RM asked to do Jimin's highnotes (he did, and Jimin was dying laughing).

2 Sweden fans making into the memories film for fainting during the BTS show and being pulled from the crowd by security and having them be helped outside. Those poor fans!

Jimin on stage before everyone else to check their props to keep everyone safe and he found a chair that was wobbly and had it replaced so that the members wouldn't get hurt during the Just One Day performance 🥺🥺

Jungkook ending his video log of all the members by going "Jimin is having a meeting, Hey look at his butt" and zooming in while making some kind of mmmmm growling sound?! Lol okay JK.

Hobi "ohhh look at Suga. They say women find a man attractive when he is taking off his shirt." Lmao OKAY Hobi.

BTS learning the Samba for their Brazilian fans. I love this so much.

These questions, again! Tae again asked for a sexy dance. Suga does the Samba. Jin asked to show how much he loves the maknae, so he picked him up bridal style lol. RM reenacting his emotions of landing in Brazil. Jimin expressing his happiness with his body. And they asked Jhope what he eats to be so handsome. Lol

BTS in Russia Self Cam:

Not even a minute in and hello there Jikook:

SopeMin sitting together on the plane! So cute. Not them all teasing RM for forgetting his passport. Was this the first instance of this happening? Lol

Jihope sharing a room at the hotel, TaeJoon joining them and they were all talking about taking pictures of Russia and the white night to send to their moms. They crashed Yoongi's room where he was working on editing photos of the members (maybe for his personal fansite he used to run of the members?) And talking about how he doesn't have jetlag because he wouldn't go to sleep until 6am in Korea anyway. JinKook sharing a room and TaeJoon finding them working out and teasing them for it. Lol

Yoongi scolding Namjoon for burning their food at the Korean restaurant the first time. "Don't do anything, just eat." Lol he took charge of their little grill and cooking the meat for the rest of their dinner. Jimin encouraging more scolding for Namjoon from both Yoongi and Jin and calling them the parents of the group.

Jungkook taking photos of his food and Namjoon being so confused. "Does taking pictures of it make it taste different? Why do people do that?" 😂😂 Only to the make JK take a photo of his food too.

They were so happy watching the fans do performances and giving them awards and then also getting to go around Russia as tourists.

So this was long as heck, so sorry! If you read all this yay! I throughly enjoyed seeing all this content from 2014. I'm already excited for Memories of 2015. They were such babies and were so nervous and excited about everything. They were doing a lot of "firsts" and working so so hard. It was so exciting to see them get so excited! Thanks for letting me share 💜

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here friend and I'm so happy to see you being so calm and normal about last night's episode 😉. I discovered I've been missing out on a true delight of 911 LS by focusing on the Tarlos of it all, as I'm now convinced I could watch an entire episode of Grace creatively insulting/threatening people who deserve it while her husband looks on adoringly. But for this ask I am here for the Tarlos of it and to suggest in tribute we revisit Nine. The lyrics are too perfect for someone waking up.

Well clearly it took me a few days to get over that whole episode (plus the casting news for 911 which is...a thing that is happening) but I’m so excited to do this one! And look, 911 is in my personal opinion the better of the two shows, but I think we all know the reason for that and in general Lone Star has some really sparkling potential and a great cast and some really fun and touching moments. Grace and Judd LITERALLY invented love and Tim can say all day that happy couples are boring and you can’t write about people passing the table salt, but I could easily watch Grace and Judd do dishes in companionable silence and be delighted. Grace coming up with THE most creative insults while in labor is definitely a high point though and I cannot wait for next week and some of the stuff they have teased for her coming up this season!

So I know we have briefly talked about Nine in relation to Malex, and I’m hoping 5b gives us some good Buck and Eddie stuff because this is also a good song for them, but it is pretty spot on for Tarlos right now so lets get into it!

who am i to say what any of this means- i have been sleepwalking since i was fourteen. now as i write my song, i retrace my steps. honestly, it’s easier to let myself forget. still, i check my vital signs. choked up, i realize i’ve been less than half myself for more than half my life.

Oof oof oof. I know this bit hits hard thinking about TK and how young he is now, so how young he must have been when he started using, and I’m especially thinking of how he told Carlos back in season 1 that everything was grey and numb. I’m also thinking of him saying “perfect things should last forever” and trying to forget what was going on with Carlos because that was easier than facing what happened. And of course, we can’t ignore the medical imagery with TK being in a coma and using his mom’s image to talk him into waking up and facing up to what he did and starting the hard work of becoming his full and true self, outside of his unhealthy coping mechanisms.

But oh man does this speak to Carlos too, and the struggles he’s gone through with not being sure if his parents accepted him or feeling like he could live as his true, authentic self. 

wake up. fall in love again, wage war on gravity. there’s so much worth fighting for. you’ll see. another domino falls either way.

I was just blown away by Ronen and Rafa’s performances during the scene of TK waking up. The “hey baby”?! The “breathe, breathe” and that gasping, shuddering breath Carlos takes?! TK reaching out for Carlos and Carlos starting to reach back but clenching his hand and TK looking pained but resigned and starting to let his hand, only for Carlos to reach out and take it?! And proceed to stroke TK’s hair and gently kiss his temple?! And TK grasping Carlos’s shirt and pulling him down and Carlos collapsing into him?! Just absolutely impeccable television. This section is that moment. It’s TK waking up to see if he can get Carlos to fall in love with him again. It’s TK fighting the weight of his past and his unhealthy coping mechanisms that are dragging him down. It’s TK realizing that there is something worth fighting for. 

it looks like empathy, to understand all sides, but i’m just trying to find myself through someone else’s eyes. so please show me what to do to restart this heart of mine. how do i forgive myself for losing so much time?

😭😭😭😭😭  I am just thinking about TK and Carlos hitting it off right away, that spark of recognition that they had found someone special, and allowing themselves over time to open up. I love the idea of them looking for the best version of themselves that lives in the other’s eyes. And oof that last line hits so hard after this past episode and talking about the breakup. How do they forgive themselves for all the wasted moments, not just with this breakup but their rocky start, and the other things in their lives like all the time Carlos has been pressuring himself to be perfect and hide anything from his parents that might make them disappointed. Uuuuuugh, I just want to hug them both!

wake up. roll up your sleeves. there’s a chain reaction in your heart, muscle memory remembering who you are. stand up. fall in love again and again and again. wage war on gravity. there’s so much worth fighting for, you’ll see. another domino falls and another domino falls

I love the imagery here of hard work. Waking up, rolling up your sleeves, standing up, fighting, it’s all so fitting of the work Carlos and TK are going to have to put in to learning how to communicate with each other effectively. But it’s something that is worth fighting for and they are ready to put in the work!

a little at a time, i feel more alive. i let the scale tip and feel all of it, it’s uncomfortable but right. we were born to try, to see each other through. to know and love ourselves and others well is the most difficult and meaningful work we’ll ever do.

I love this ending so much. It is sparkling with the patented Sleeping At Last *hope* and is a perfect ending to where we left Tarlos at the end of 3x04. TK and Carlos are both learning, little bits at a time, how to be truly themselves, truly alive. And yes some of that work is going to be uncomfortable, but it’s right because it means building something lasting together. And learning to know and love themselves well first, and then to love others is something they both need to work on, but something they will be able to help each other with tremendously. It’s difficult work, but meaningful and so, so worth it.

Oh nonnie, this got me in all my Tarlos feels! Thanks for giving me a reason to ramble lovingly about them. This season is shaping up to be something truly magical and I can’t wait!

[carryingthebanner]

NEWSIES OBC THOUGHTS pt.1

Act 1

Here are my thoughts on the Newsies OBC that nobody asked for :)

- Jeremy looks so different here

- I already love Ryan Breslin’s Race

- I love seeing the small differences, like Albert already had Race’s cigar instead of Race’s cigar being stolen by Albert

- Henry put shaving cream on Albert after he said “who asked you?” ahhh I love this

- Andy Richardsonnnn

- I would die for a bootleg of Andy as Crutchie

- *Tries to figure out whether or not I see Tommy Bracco*

- The Nuns’ voices always sound immaculate

- Not Finch picking up Crutchie and then slowing down so he won’t trip over Morris

- Can we talk about Davey just skipping the collection bin and heading straight to pick up his papers?

- Davey really gestures to Les to wipe his hand off more after he shakes Jack’s hand

- I love Ben Fankhauser

- I love how John Dossett is just taking his time with The Bottom Line, it makes Pulitzer seem more cunning and his decisions seem more calculated

- Little detail: Nunzio put the shaving cream on Pulitzer’s neck instead of his sideburns

- Pulitzer seems more evil here. Like more of the villain-you-gotta-watch-out-for instead of the blatant-in-your-face villain. Does that make sense? He knows exactly what he’s doing and how it will hurt the Newsies but he just doesn’t care, kinda reminds me of Claude Frollo or Mother Gothel

- Pulitzer’s getting more maniacal by the second. The way he says “sense” at the end is creeping me out

- Jeremy Jordan’s laugh before he says “sing em to sleep why don’t you” is killing me

- “You just... made that up” The amount of disbelief in Davey’s voice when he realizes he’s dealing with a liar person who improves the truth

- I am living for the interaction between Jack and Les in this performance

- Capathia’s Medda is giving me sarcastic sassy Medda Larkson vibes and I love it

- The audience’s reaction when Medda says “whatever I touch starts to rise” I swear I watched Livesies a dozen times before I got that joke

- Katherine is a thousand times more agitated with Jack here

- Medda is having NONE of it

- Thayne Jasperson!!!

- *Tries to figure out if I see Ryan Steele*

- SPOTted Tommy Bracco (ok I’ll stop now)

- Davey telling Les not to climb up the stairs and then Les ignoring him and doing it anyway, eavesdropping >>>

- Davey’s body language totally says mom-come-pick-me-up-im-scared/i-did-not-sign-up-to-be-the-unofficial-baby-sitter

- Jeremy super touchy-feely in this and it makes Jack seem sweeter and more caring than he already was

- Davey really FLEW out of The World building

- Did Jack trip on Les?! 💀

- (The actor playing) Les’ comedic timing is ON POINT

- After Jack asks “who wants Brooklyn?” everyone looks down while Les just nonchalantly drinks his water 😭

- Katherine is so done with all of the Newsies

- KARA TRYING NOT TO BREAK CHARACTER

- The way Kara switches from serious to silly in .5 seconds >>>

- Davey is 10x more cautious in this performance and I love it because at the end he becomes so much more confident 🥺🥺🥺

- THE WAY DAVEY STARTS SINGING SEIZE THE DAY OMG

- I love Ben Fankhauser x2

- SOMEBODY GIVE THIS MAN A TONY

- The BROTHERHOOD in this

- There’s so much passion in their voices in “someday becomes somehow and a prayer becomes a vow” plz why am I gonna cry

- Jack really said “Thank you for coming to my TED Talk”

- Les’ “please?” after Jeremy tells the Scabs to join the strike 🥺

- He really did that ^

- My sense of humor is so broken I’m really over here laughing at the lone paper on the corner of the stage

- RYAN. FREAKING. STEELE.

- That long applause after Seize The Day >>>

- I was not emotionally prepared to see Romeo get slapped by a cop again but here we are

- Romeo’s “ow” after he gets slapped is HURTING MY HEART GEEZ

- They really did not have to beat up Davey that hard 😕

- The way Crutchie screams out the other Newsies names is too painful

- CRUTCHIE’S SCREAMS

- plz it’s too late to be crying i have school at 7 AM im gonna wake up with a migraine

- THE FACT THAT AKB WASN’T NOMINATED FOR A TONY JUST FOR THIS HEARTWRENCHING PERFORMANCE ALONE IS BEYOND ME

- not me crying over Crutchie even though I’ve watched Livesies a million times and already knows what happens to him ✋🏾

- Jack really shattered the last remaining pieces of my heart

- The child crying in the background right before Jeremy starts singing Santa Fe makes this 10x better

- Me too kid, me too

- Jeremy really put his heart and soul into this song

- The way I feel his frustration through the screen-

- THE PASSION IN HIS VOICE WHEN HE SAYS “I need space and fresh air”

- That final note >>>

It’s well past midnight now so I’ll watch Act 2 later today but whew this is beautiful. I never got to see the OBC (bootleg) because Disney took it off of YouTube and I had to go digging around to find it but I am in shock. This cast is perfect. Every Newsies cast is perfect. The revival cast that Disney will give us otherwise I’ll riot will be perfect. Newsies is impeccable. I can’t wait to watch Act 2 and see KONY because I can already tell that Ryan Breslin is grossly underrated.

[somekindofflowergirl]

ER Observations/Questions

- I’m not ready to say goodbye to Abby. 😭

- Nice touch, show, to have the rabbi who performed Abby and Luka’s wedding show up to tell her he could tell they’ll last.

- I love how Abby keeps telling people she’s leaving but that they can’t tell anyone.

- Had I watched this live, Abby on the ledge with the jumper would have made me extremely nervous.

- Abby found her confidence is the point of the episode. Along with what she said to the kid who got his coach shot, which was basically “You think you’re a bad person, but you just did a bad thing. Learn from it and don’t do it again.”

- Abby dancing with Frank and him telling her to visit. ❤️ Haleh having her put Luka’s and her name tags on the wall. ❤️

- All the goodbyes and one actual last Luka/Abby kiss before they drive off. ❤️

(Poor Morris. He’s grieving so hard over Pratt and now is losing Abby too.)

Abby Lockhart was and is the heart and soul of that place and you will never change my mind. I would fight all of you for her. Here’s to her fresh start.

[reidslibrarybook]

LMAO THE WAY I JUST HAD TO COPY AND PASTE OVER WHAT I TAGGED YESTERDAY. LOVE IT 😭 LOVE YOU. I'VE LITERALLY HAD WHAT I WROTE BELOW THE CUT IN MY DRAFTS SINCE LIKE YESTERDAY NIGHT <3

“James, it’s getting bad and I need to get to work tomorrow. And you know that the sidewalks have to be clear…”“I told you after the game,” James responds, not even looking up from the television. The commercial blares in their living room, the smell of snow and Ice Melt stinging her nose, but not as much as her heart aches at James’ dismissal.

BOY OH BOY I HATE THIS MAN MORE THAN I HATE CARROTS

“You look cold,” Y/N says, walking through the short yard for the scarf, “Here, Spencer,” she says, wrapping the warm scarf around his neck.“Thank you, Y/N. It’s well made” Spencer says, turning to brush off her car with his ice scraper, “I know how to knit too,”

😭😭😭he can knit???? man of my dreams tbh. ugh he's so sweet.

“You’re having a baby? You and your husband, I mean,” Spencer asks, a hidden layer of something that Y/N can’t quite read flashing before his eyes.

MANZ HAS BABY FEVER. i'm swooning.

It might sound a little ridiculous, but it wasn’t until she watched him sleep for a second time that Y/N realized how beautiful Spencer really is. His hair is magnificent. With golden strands littered in between a warm brown. She knows how soft it is, but finds herself wanting to touch it again, just to make sure.

yes he is gorgeous. i wanna wake up next to him 😭

“I didn’t do any research either. I just went into the store and picked the most expensive one. James would have had a fit. I think it’s some kind of cathartic release doing things that would piss him off,”

good for her tbh, brush off the nasty james. treat yourself 😌

“Right,” Spencer says, bringing her back to Earth. “I don’t think I’ve been called cute since I was like 5 and that was my mother,” his cheeks turn red and his eyes meet Y/N’s in something that could only be described as bashful.“You are cute,” she says, feeling a need to fill the silence before she says something about last night that shep ppl ’ll end up regretting, even if it’s the truth.

STOP HER CALLING HIM CUTE. MY BRAIN CANNOT COMPUTE, IT IS ACTUALLY OVERLOADING. I LOVE HER AND HIM SO MUCH. PUT A WRENCH THROUGH MY HEART I AM DECEASED.

Spencer’s head inches closer and closer to Y/N’s. His hands dragging up her arm, the warmth from his palms burning her bare skin. He’s going to kiss her. He’s going to kiss her and they’re not even drunk. They’re not even seeking revenge against their ex-spouses.

ACHEIVEMENT UNLOCKED: TRUE FEELINGS HAVE BEEN UNEARTHED. EVERYONE, GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND GET READY FOR THE WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP ABT TO BLOOM RN

She moves about the kitchen, getting Aster’s breakfast ready as Spencer stares intently at the coffee pot. Aster babbles happily in her highchair, looking around at the kitchen with wonder and awe. Spencer glances over to her, clearly interested. It’s amusing. From block parties, Y/N knows that Spencer is good with babies and children. He’d usually have a gaggle of children swarming him as he performed magic trick after magic trick.

MAGICIAN SPENCER AKSNDJASNFJNAOSJNFDAKSJNFKASN

“I’m innocent, innocent of that at least,” Spencer says with a somber smile, “I did things I’m not proud of, Y/N. Terrible, terrible things to survive. And, you know, sometimes I wonder if it was worth it all,” Spencer finishes, thanking her silently for the cup of steaming coffee she hands him.

i'm ? tearing up?

It happens in half a second, maybe less. Spencer, just as he’s about reply, comes tumbling down the ladder. Luckily, he’s only barely a foot off the ground. Unluckily, when you’re over 6 feet tall and as gangly as a teenager, any kind of fall is hard and fast.“Ooof,” Spencer says, steadying himself on the nearest “thing”, which just happens to be Y/N’s waist. His hands, in his attempt to catch himself, lifted her shirt a bit from her hips leaving some skin exposed.

STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW I AM DYING I AM CRYING I AM SCREAMING I AM SCREECHING HE FELL AND CAUGHT HER I AM NOT ALIVE RIGHT NOW PLZ HOLD AND COME BACK IN A COUPLE OF YEARS.

When he kisses her it’s not like any kiss she’s ever received....“You matter to me,” Spencer whispers, leaning back in for a kiss. Y/N catches his self assured smirk as she giggles into his mouth, kissing her again, but this time in the daylight.

AH AH AH AH AH I AM LOSING MYSELF TO THESE PPL AND TO YOU ROSIE. GODAMMIT I AM DYING BECAUSE OF YOU AND IT IS MAKING ME VV SAD. PLEASE HELP ME IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL TO WRITE SUCH A MASTERPIECE. AND THAT'S ON PERIODT.

overall:

this was such a wonderful fic to get through and i'm so happy and sad that we're nearing the end of this incredible series. i rlly enjoyed reading this whole thing and being able to watch your genuis-self write all these amazing words and put them onto (you know i was gonna say paper but it's not really paper but i don't know what else to call it so we're gonna go with it lmao), paper. you are so incredibly talented, rosie. i love this, and most importantly, ily <3

Tying to Me — Part IV

Summary: Band-aids don't fix bulletholes, but kind eyes and even kinder acts might just mend broken hearts.

Content Warning: References to their hookup, a kiss, running themes of infidelity

Word Count: 4300

Author’s Note: I am so sorry for this taking a very long time! I hope to have the last part out soon! Thank you to @reidslibrarybook for proofreading this & quelling my anxieties. I love you so much dude. The italics denotes a flashback, roughly two years before the start of the story.

Series Masterlist | Part III

PART IV — My Pain Fits in The Palm of Your Freezing Hand

The snow didn’t seem to want to let up. From midnight to well into the following afternoon the snow blanketed her small front yard, covering the sidewalks and street of the suburban little street. It was mostly a quiet neighborhood; people kept to themselves for the most part. The Millers, an elderly couple who lived to the left, were particularly quiet. The wife, Zelda, had a very successful garden and handed out homegrown vegetables every summer, even if she was a little bit of a recluse Her husband, Alan, was even more secluded than his wife. To the right lived the Reids. The wife, she hardly ever sees. If she remembers correctly, Y/N thinks the husband’s name is Stephen or Spencer, she’s not too sure, works odd hours too. They’ll wave tiredly as they pass in the driveway, him leaving for work, but her coming home from her frim. If the neighborhood gossip is correct, he’s an FBI agent of sorts.

The quiet neighborhood seemed even quieter as the snow fell and fell. It was so quiet out there that Y/N could swear she could hear each snowflake drop. Her face stung from the cold, but her hands burned from wearing her old woolen mittens. Looking into the house, the television flickered through the window. Sighing to herself, Y/N walked back to the house, tapping the snow off her boots as she opened the door, finding James exactly where she left him: drinking and watching the game.

“Honey,”

“Honey,”

“James” she says, finally grabbing his attention with a clipped tone, “I need help,”

“After the game,”

“James, it’s getting bad and I need to get to work tomorrow. And you know that the sidewalks have to be clear…”

“I told you after the game,” James responds, not even looking up from the television. The commercial blares in their living room, the smell of snow and Ice Melt stinging her nose, but not as much as her heart aches at James’ dismissal.

“Fine,” Y/N says, turning on her heel and grabbing her shovel, “It’s just that it’s not letting up and I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning—”

“After the game,”

The cold air feels refreshing against her face. She tears off the scarf she has wrapped around her neck. Maybe it’s James’, maybe it’s hers. They’ve been together so long that she’s not sure if things are hers or his or theirs anymore. Recently it’s seemed like it’s been more divided than united.

Shouldering herself, Y/N scoops up a pile of snow in the shovel, tossing it into the yard. Working out in the cold, as the snow falls gracefully into place, is probably the most peace she’s gotten in months. Maybe it’s James’ inability to acknowledge their partnership that makes her feel like she’s drowning. No, maybe not drowning, not yet at least, maybe more like treading water. Barely keeping her head above the waves.

“Hey, neighbor,”

Startled by the voice, and maybe hoping that it’s James more than she’d like, Y/N turns to the sound. It’s her neighbor to the right, Stephen or Spencer. He looks younger than he actually is, with rosy cheeks from the cold and wild hair from the wind. He has a shovel in hand as he smiles at her.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, Y/N,” he says, “It’s Dr. Reid, I mean, Spencer from next door. Bec and I just moved in a couple months ago so we didn’t really have time to introduce ourselves. I saw you out here alone so I thought I’d help,”

Spencer, she thinks, leaving a note in her brain to not forget his name or his kind eyes.

“Thank you,” she whispers, unable to find her voice, “I really appreciate that, Spencer,”

He doesn’t respond, just smiling a kind of straight lipped smile that’s strangely endearing. Y/N wonders if he can see the television flickering in the window or if the pain in her eyes shows too much about her drowning, treading marriage. Even if he can tell, Spencer doesn’t show it. He nods and starts to shovel.

“You look cold,” Y/N says, walking through the short yard for the scarf, “Here, Spencer,” she says, wrapping the warm scarf around his neck.

“Thank you, Y/N. It’s well made” Spencer says, turning to brush off her car with his ice scraper, “I know how to knit too,”

“Oh, I made that old thing years ago,” Y/N says, “I can’t remember if it’s James’ or mine. Well it’s more mine, because James thinks it’s hideous. But I’m trying to make Aster a one for her when she comes,” she finishes, patting her lower stomach out of habit as she talks.

“You’re having a baby? You and your husband, I mean,” Spencer asks, a hidden layer of something that Y/N can’t quite read flashing before his eyes.

“Yes, I’m due in 4 months,” Y/N says, smiling as she talks, “She’s been such an easy baby so far”

“You shouldn’t be out here,” Spencer says, “it’s too cold for you, and you should be resting,”

When she looks back on this for years to come, Y/N will swear to herself that it’s the cold that makes her eyes sting. Glancing downward, she refuses to meet Spencer’s eyes, no matter how kind they seem to be.

“I have a doctor’s appointment in the morning,” Y/N says, “and I need the snow to be cleared. If I’m not going to do it who will,”

“Me,”

“I can’t—” Y/N says, feeling her voice catch in her throat. Standing out there in the cold with Spencer’s red cheeks and kind eyes looking back at her, she’s never felt so small, “You are very kind, Spencer, but I’m not going inside,”

“Alright, so tell me about your baby,” he says, making her chuckle as she swallows her tears— and pride.

They don’t say much as they work. Maybe he prefers the quiet too, being alone with their thoughts is peaceful in a way. When he finishes, Spencer waves goodbye, brushing off her 'thank yous' like her husband should have brushed off the snow from their cars.

Normally, she hates the sunlight on her face. It gives her a headache. But right now, with the heavy weight of an arm around her upper half and the warmth of his head buried in her neck, Y/N swears she can learn to love it. Spencer’s patterned breathing threatens to lull her asleep again. She’s so tired that she just might take the offer, but she knows that Aster will be crying shortly.

It might sound a little ridiculous, but it wasn’t until she watched him sleep for a second time that Y/N realized how beautiful Spencer really is. His hair is magnificent. With golden strands littered in between a warm brown. She knows how soft it is, but finds herself wanting to touch it again, just to make sure. Even though she can’t see his eyes, she knows exactly that they are deep brown, sometimes green. And his hands. They are so strong and sturdy, yet they are soft and gentle. Y/N can tell that his goodness radiates out from his hands. He extended them to her last night like a lifeline.

Y/N does a double check, making sure they both have their clothes on. It’s not that she doesn’t want to sleep with Spencer, or that when they did sleep together it was awful. It’s the opposite. She just really rather not sleep with him when she’s crying over James and a bottle of red wine.

Spencer sturs next to her. He slept like a rock, holding her tightly as they dreamed side by side. Y/N wonders if he’ll stay for breakfast, or if he’ll sneak out like she did. Spencer moves his hand up her torso, his hand slipping under her shirt. His fingertips skim across her bare skin. She can hardly breathe. His hands are so warm and she’s starved for them. He must still be sleeping because his movements are too uncoordinated for him to be awake.

Or not.

“Did you sleep well?” Spencer asks, his voice gravely with sleep. It’s an addictive sound, “Your bed is much more comfortable than mine. It’s actually proven by sleep scientists that a supportive mattress correlates with general well being. Sleep is one of the most important things you can do for your health….Sorry, am I rambling-”

“Yes, but it’s cute,” she says, reaching forward to brush the stray hair that falls across his forehead, “I didn’t do any research either. I just went into the store and picked the most expensive one. James would have had a fit. I think it’s some kind of cathartic release doing things that would piss him off,”

Like sleeping with Spencer. And enjoying it. Enjoying it too much. The restraint in his voice telling her more than the exact words ever could. Sitting up in her bed, Y/N covers her hand over Spencer’s. The drunken memories of last night come rushing back, as does the embarrassment of practically begging him to sleep with her again.

“Right,” Spencer says, bringing her back to Earth. “I don’t think I’ve been called cute since I was like 5 and that was my mother,” his cheeks turn red and his eyes meet Y/N’s in something that could only be described as bashful.

“You are cute,” she says, feeling a need to fill the silence before she says something about last night that she’ll end up regretting, even if it’s the truth.

Spencer sits up, still wearing his clothes from the night before. His shirt is wrinkled and his pants have creases in them from sleeping in them, but nothing is as messy as his hair. Oddly, it suits him. His messy hair, wild and unruly, makes him look more peaceful in a strange way. She’s thinking too much about his hair; about her fingers in his hair.

She casts her gaze down, avoiding his gentle eyes for his hands that bunch some of her sheet. Which, in hindsight, isn’t the best choice. His hands, like nearly every part of him, are distracting in all the wrong ways.

“I’m sorry about last night,” she mumbles. She had too much to drink last night, drunk called Spencer and nearly begged him to sleep with her again, “It’s not like me. I don’t want you to think of me like that. Well, not not like that. But you know, not all sad and drunk and crying and begging you to sleep with me. What I am trying to say, Spencer, is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for taking advantage of you, you’re hurting too,”

“You have nothing to be sorry about, Y/N,” Spencer says, his voice telling her that he believes what he says. He makes her look him in the eyes, holding her chin up with his fingertips, “We all have our moments that we’re not proud of. You’re strong, smart and an amazing mother. I think you’re incredible,” he says, his hands moving over to yours. They are warm and his palms are soft. His skin against his is bad, but not nearly as bad as the kind words he whispers.

He can’t whisper those wonderful things as he’s basking in the sunlight, wrapped in her sheets. He can’t say those things and not expect her to call him up again, but completely sober. Then again, part of her wonders if Spencer’s also starved for kind words and soft lips to kiss. She wonders how long it’s been for him to feel safe and cared for. Has it been as long as it’s been for her? It’s a strange comfort knowing that Spencer is all too familiar with lonely gray nights and the empty feeling of very being enough for the one person who’s enough for you.

“I think you’re pretty incredible too, neighbor,” she says, her voice coming out more raspy than she intended. Maybe it’s because she’s holding back. She’s holding back because she’s terrified; terrified of moving on and getting hurt again. Or hurting Spencer. Or Aster. There’s a lot swimming around in her head and it’s near impossible to concentrate on anything when Spencer holds her hand and rubs his thumb against her skin.

Spencer’s head inches closer and closer to Y/N’s. His hands dragging up her arm, the warmth from his palms burning her bare skin. He’s going to kiss her. He’s going to kiss her and they’re not even drunk. They’re not even seeking revenge against their ex-spouses.

It’s almost comical.

Aster, with the best timing in the world, screams from her bedroom. Y/N jumps from the bed like she was struck by lightning. Her startled reaction nearly causes Spencer to topple over in the bed, but he, rather ungracefully, catches himself before he falls onto the floor.

“I’m so sorry. It’s just, Aster and-” she stammers, rushing out the bedroom. She doesn’t stick around to see Spencer’s pink tinged cheeks or his huff of disappointment. Spencer, nodding awkwardly, waves her off, understanding completely, because of course he does.

Once she’s in Aster’s room, Y/N smiles, leaving her embarrassment and anxiety in her bedroom. Aster, a generally happy baby, cries in her crib. Seeing her mother, she tries to stand up, holding onto the bars before falling onto the small mattress with a thump. She smiles gleefully, entertained by herself.

“Oh no!” Y/N says happily, her voice raising a couple octaves in the way it does when she’s around Aster, “Are you hungry, baby? Are you hungry?”

Aster laughs delightfully, raising her hands and practically demanding for Y/N to pick her up. She scoops her up, balancing her on her hip as she bounds down the stairs. Aster looks around at the pictures on the wall, some of Y/N and her mom, her sister and Aster, and even some with Aster and James. Y/N wanted to make their house without James seem as much like home as it could for Aster.

Walking into the kitchen, Y/N doesn’t expect to find Spencer opening the cabinets. Aster coos happily on her hip, excited to have a guest in the morning. Usually it’s Liz, but Spencer’s familiar enough for her to recognize him.

“I thought I’d make you coffee,” Spencer says, “You know, as you’re getting Aster ready,” he adds, nodding towards the tin of coffee grounds he brought out from the cabinets.

“That’s very sweet of you,” she whispers, disliking how much she’s taken aback by the kind gesture. She can’t remember the last time someone made her coffee to make her morning run a little smoother. Y/N isn’t exactly sure what her relationship with Spencer is, especially after last night, but it doesn’t seem fair to compare him to James. There’s history with James. Murky, complex, difficult history. But history nonetheless.

“It’s nothing,” Spencer says, “I know from JJ, my friend, how busy mornings are.” He tosses some coffee grounds into the coffee pot, along with some tap water. He moves around the tiny kitchen like he somehow knows where everything is already, “I also wanted to apologize for this morning. It was inappropriate to try to kiss you. I know you’re still reeling from James,”

“Spencer, you’re not the one that drunk called last night. And maybe we can just forget about what happened this morning,” she asks, the embarrassment of wanting him to kiss her, but the guilt of moving on too soon bubbles to the surface. As it seems, there’s no right answer for getting over a heartbreak.

She moves about the kitchen, getting Aster’s breakfast ready as Spencer stares intently at the coffee pot. Aster babbles happily in her highchair, looking around at the kitchen with wonder and awe. Spencer glances over to her, clearly interested. It’s amusing. From block parties, Y/N knows that Spencer is good with babies and children. He’d usually have a gaggle of children swarming him as he performed magic trick after magic trick.

“She won’t bite, you know,” Y/N says, teasing Spencer as she puts a small bowl of cereal on Aster’s tray. She grabs the cereal, pushing into her mouth hungerly. He watches her with a smile, pulling a seat next to the high chair.

“It’s been a while since we’ve had a baby at the BAU,” Spencer says, “Michael is JJ's youngest. I haven’t been around him as long as I’ve been around with Henry. She’s such a fun age right now,” he continues, “But I was in jail, I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors, Y/N. So I missed out on a lot of good memories,”

“I heard,”

“I’m innocent, innocent of that at least,” Spencer says with a somber smile, “I did things I’m not proud of, Y/N. Terrible, terrible things to survive. And, you know, sometimes I wonder if it was worth it all,” Spencer finishes, thanking her silently for the cup of steaming coffee she hands him.

“Spencer, I wouldn’t let you anywhere near Aster if I didn’t think you were anything but a wonderfully kind and gentle man. We’ve all been through bad times, you more than most, but it’s okay to hurt from them. To still be confused by them. Someone really smart told me we all have our moments that we aren’t proud of,”

She doesn’t want to let herself get swept away by his boyish smile that peeks out from underneath his sleepless eye bags, yet she finds herself reaching out to squeeze his hand three times. It seems like a lot of their interactions can happen without words. Spencer’s eyes, kind and bright, are a more fulfilling kind of temptation. Sitting there with Aster babbling in the high chair spilling Cheerios on the floor and hot coffee in their hands all Y/N could think of is how sweet it would have been if it had been Spencer all along.

“You’re a very good person, Y/N,” Spencer whispers, his voice cracking as he continues. He doesn’t let go of her hand, something tells her that he needs to hold it to remind him he’s still fighting, “Not maybe people can handle my quirks, my past, and me if I’m being honest,”

“That’s their loss,”

Spencer chuckles, trying his best to keep himself together as Y/N stands next to him sitting on the kitchen chair. She can see his old house, now empty, from the kitchen. It’s as if that night that changed everything had never happened. The two houses still look the same. Her’s blue with gray shutters and Spencer’s yellow with white shutters. Their lawns are covered with flowers and a tall tree in the corner. Everything looks the same, while everything has changed. She would never have thought that it would take losing everything to find herself again.

Just as Y/N’s about to ask Spencer if he’d want to take a walk to the local diner for breakfast, the kitchen light flickers. In an attempt to keep her cool, Y/N closes her eyes in frustration.

“Damnit,” she mutters, under her breath as she leaves Spencer’s side. Her hand feels strangely cool without his skin pressed up against her skin. She never thought she could crave someone’s touch like she craves Spencer’s, “I’m going to literally–”

“Do you need help with something?” Spencer says, standing up. He follows Y/N’s line of sight to the flickering light fixture on the ceiling, “Oh, I got that,” he adds, “I’ll need a screwdriver to open the fixture and maybe we’ll need to screw the bulb in a bit tighter. If not, I’ll take a ride to the hardware store and get a new lightbulb for you,”

Spencer has a nervous habit of licking his lips when nervous. He does it now, staring at her as her brain tries to process someone doing something for her. The last thing she wants, as they stand so close, is to be distracted by his lips.

“You’d do that? You’d do that for me?” Y/N asks, knowing it’s useless to hide her shock from someone as observant as Spencer, “I mean, you don’t have to do that Spencer. It’s been like that for months, maybe years. You don’t want to know how many times I’ve asked James to fix it for me. I mean, you don’t have to do it, Spencer. I don’t want you to go out of your way for me,”

“I’d love to–”

“I’m sure you’re busy–”

“I have the day off,” he replies, waving off her protest as he sips the coffee, “This coffee is excellent by the way. Where’s the ladder?”

“Left closet down the hall,” Y/N answers, sitting back down in the chair as she watches Spencer walk off down the hall. She rubs her thumb across the corner of Aster’s mouth, wiping off the crumbs from the Cheerios. Aster giggles as she tosses the cereal over the tray and onto the ground.

“Silly girl,” Y/N says, picking up the pieces as Spencer comes back into the room with the ladder.

“It’s really fine, Spencer. I’m sure I can figure it out–”

“Y/N,” Spencer says, the firm way he says her name catching her off guard, “I like doing things for you. I can tell you’re not used to it, so get used to it,” he says, his charming smile leaving her too flustered to respond.

“Fine,” Y/N says, pretending that this whole thing is more of a favor to Spencer than to her, “At least hand me the cap so it doesn’t fall on your head,” she adds, taking the fixture from his hands and placing it on the table.

Spencer’s quiet as he works, tightening the light bulb in it’s socket. Like magic, it flickers once and finally illuminates to it’s full brightness. Letting a yelp of joy, Y/N jumps up, nearly knocking Spencer off the ladder. He starts to climb down, carefully putting each foot in the rung below as he descends. Y/N, despite her eager celebration at the working light, notices Spencer’s smile.

“Thank you,” Y/N says, reaching up to hug Spencer as he stands on the first rung, balancing carefully, “I know I could have done it myself, or gotten Liz over here, but it’s just–”

“You wanted someone to do something nice for you” Spencer says. She ignores the way his breath hitches when she rests her head against his body, choosing to push away the way her entire body aches for him, aches from someone to love her, “I like doing nice things for the people that matter to me,”

“I matter to you?” she asks, hating the way her voice sounds like a meak wallflower. She never was shy around people when it came to romantic interactions. If she could even call what she has with Spencer romantic, or rather, if they have anything at all.

It happens in half a second, maybe less. Spencer, just as he’s about reply, comes tumbling down the ladder. Luckily, he’s only barely a foot off the ground. Unluckily, when you’re over 6 feet tall and as gangly as a teenager, any kind of fall is hard and fast.

“Ooof,” Spencer says, steadying himself on the nearest “thing”, which just happens to be Y/N’s waist. His hands, in his attempt to catch himself, lifted her shirt a bit from her hips leaving some skin exposed. Spencer’s large hands cover the expanse of her bare skin. His hands are warm, warmer than her already warm skin. He grips tightly and she’s not sure if it’s because he wants to or because he has to. Spencer’s face, in the fifteen seconds that it lasts, is so close to her face that she can see the small wrinkles in the creases of his eyes. Spencer has beautiful eyes, kind eyes. And warm hands, very warm, very big hands that are brushing up against her skin–

His face is getting closer, much closer. Crows feet. That’s what the lines in the corners of his eyes are called. Whatever they're called, they look beautiful on him. As his face grows closer, Y/N knows that he’s going to kiss her and she’s going to let him. Even if they both have morning breath and Aster’s throwing cereal at the ground.

When he kisses her it’s not like any kiss she’s ever received. Her husband used to kiss her with excitement, but soon that morphed into a chore. The first time Spencer kissed her it was hungry, mainly teeth with an undercurrent of anger rushing through both their veins. But now, Spencer kisses her like he’ll do it for the rest of his life. His hands, much to her disappointment, leave her the bare skin of her hips for her cheeks. Spencer holds her, keeping her steady as he catches her bottom lip between his lips. Pulling gently, Y/N chokes down a whimper and feels a shudder travel from her head to her toes.

Just as she feels his hands make their way to the back of her head, Spencer pulls away. He rests his head against her forehead, his eyes studying her face like he wants to commit her to memory.

“You matter to me,” Spencer whispers, leaning back in for a kiss. Y/N catches his self assured smirk as she giggles into his mouth, kissing her again, but this time in the daylight.

-TAGLIST-

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