#i love this stupid fucking song. the title. why is it that horny. why is it the way it is while also being about Dracula. why does it suck

[miiilowo]

SO WON'T YOU COME WITH ME, AND TASTE IMMORTALITY?

[daffodilsonaprettystring]

An Incomplete List: Things I need to be in the RWRB movie

(Including things we already know will be in it because god I’m so excited)

Basically this will just be me listing all my favorite parts of the book so I apologize in advance for how long this will be I’m brainrotting HARD rn)

1. The callback between Henry asking June (maybe Nora tho now) to waltz and then later telling Alex he hates waltzing at the V&A idk why but this is important to me

2. PLEASE a flashback of baby Alex seeing the picture of baby Henry in the J14 magazine I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THAT

3. Henry’s (and Alex’s) insomnia (because I am also an insomniac and it’s an important part of their characters I feel)

4. ALEX’S GLASSES PLEEEEEASE

5. Star Wars including the Leia and Han references/mural and Henry’s favorite movie being Return of the Jedi because THATS MINE TOO❤️❤️ and also “bit short for a stormtrooper”

6. CORNBREAD AND STUFFING CORNBREAD KNOWS MY SINS HENRY buy a summer home in Majorca with the turkey Mr Wobbles and David picture from Henry and their cute little “we’ve obviously got crushes but we’re ignoring it” phone goodbye

7. EVERYTHING ABOUT NEW YEARS BUT ESPECIALLY ALEX TRYING TO GET HENRY TO DANCE AND HENRY JUST GAY PANICKING

8. Nora’s extrapolated data about Alex’s obvious crush lmao

9. RED ROOOOOOOOOM

10. “Fucking eyelashes” and also “good to know. I am very, very gay.”

11. The stupid titles they use in their emails like His Royal Horniness and Alex First Son of Off-Brand England

12. BABY and LOVE and SWEETHEART I normally hate pet names (minus love I adore that one always) but I am a SUCKER for Firstprince pet names specifically

13. I’d love to see a flashback to young Henry coming out to Bea even for just a second

14. I NEEDNEEDNEED a shot like this in the movie

(Art by vkellyeart) but yes give me a shot like this where they’re on opposite ends of the world “two parentheses enclosing 3700 miles”

15. “Say good morning to your strumpet, Henry.”

16. So I know we won’t get the Hoe Dameron and Prince Buttercup kimonos anymore (sadness) but LET NICHOLAS GALITZINE BELT HIS HEART OUT TO QUEEN I BEG

17. Since we don’t get Cash wearing one SLAP A BRIGHT PINK FEATHER BOA ON AMY PLZ

18. Bea’s lime green drop-waist Wimbledon dress with gold honeybee Gucci sunglasses fight me Ellie Bamber would rock that look

19. So I know we know they don’t dance to Your Song in the V&A but I hope Henry still plays it on the piano or at least it plays somewhere in the movie cuz i love that song also JUST HENRY PLAYING PIANO IN GENERAL PLZ AND LET ALEX LOOK AT HIM WITH SEVERE HEART EYES and then Henry falling asleep on Alex and Alex just laying awake like Well Shit

20. “Most things are awful most of the time, but you’re good.”

21. Alex’s vocabulary apparently only being expletives when Zahra busts in on him and Henry lmao and “yes we can unpack the ironic symbolism later GO” and also “I thought you were getting into international relations or something” “I mean technically—“ “if you finish that sentence I’m gonna spend tonight in jail” 😂😂

22. THE POWERPOINTS HAHAHAH and “You need to figure out if you feel forever about him”

23. “Should I tell you that when we’re apart, you body comes back to me in dreams?” Speech and also the story about the prince with his heart outside his body that met the most dashingly gorgeous peasant boy who said absolutley ghastly things to him that made him feel alive for the first time in years

24. “Sometimes you just jump and hope it’s not a cliff” and “But the thing is, jumping off cliffs is kinda my thing. That’s the choice. I love him, with all that, because of all that. On purpose. I love him on purpose.”

25. Dear Thisbe, I wish there weren’t a wall. Love, Pyramus

26. Obtuse fucking asshole and “I fucking love you, okay?” And “when have I ever, since the first instant I touched you, pretended to be anything less than in love with you?” And “I want you— then fucking have me— but I don’t want this” and ok basically you get it their whole goddamn rain-drenched love confession scene

27. The morning after, when Henry says that all the royal shit of “fine” isn’t good enough for him and tells Alex he wants him to help him try to be happy and the chance of a life? That’s one of my favorite scenes if not my absolute favorite and I don’t even know what I need out of it but I know I need it to be PERFECT, including Henry sayings he’s been in love with Alex since they met❤️❤️

28. Prince Consort Road picture plzzzz and everything that happens in the V&A but ESPECIALLY them dancing and “taking a picture of a national gay landmark and a statue”

29. “I want you to know, I’m sure. A thousand percent.” And “I completely fucking love you”

30. AN INCOMPLETE LIST. IF WE DONT GET ALEX NARRATING THE INCOMPLETE LIST WITH A HENRY MONTAGE IN THE BACKGROUND, WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE MOVIE????

31. “You and me and history, remember? Because you’re it, okay? I’m never gonna love anybody in the world like I love you.”

32. I want Ellen’s reaction to Alex being outed, and Zahra’s as well, with both of them being so supportive. But especially “do you feel forever about him?” “Yeah, I do.”

33. “I won’t lie. Not about this. Not about you.”

34. The crowd outside the palace and the crowds around the world supporting Henry and Alex oh my god i just know imma cry there

35. “You are the absolute worst idea I’ve ever had” Alex’s speech “America: he is my choice.”

36. The suitor pictures

37. Henry’s yellow rose of Texas tie

38. Alex taking Henry to his childhood home is a very small wish but I’d still love to see that

39. Finally, I REALLY hope the movie gives us some kind of epilouge like I don’t even care what kind I just want a future thing where we see them happy in the future at a wedding or literally just sitting together I don’t even care I just want one❤️❤️

I am SO sorry this turned out a lot longer than I expected but goddamn I love this book and I’m so excited for the movie my brain needed something to do lmao

[dancing-to-architecture]

39 - The Eagles - Hotel California (1976)

Ugh. No. I refuse. You can't fuckin' make me. Give me the screaming German chainsaw techno. Please!

I KNEW that Jeffrey Lebowski was My Guy as soon as he said the immortal line: "Come on, man. I had a rough night and I hate the fuckin' Eagles, man!"

Don't ask me why i hate the eagles. I know they're technically competent and all that, like they're good at what they do. I also have an irrational hatred of Josh Groban and he's technically competent as well.

I think it's a mix of being dramatically overplayed throughout my life and my just being wholly uninterested in any their work, or just a general dislike of most of the people who are vocal fans of the band.

Fuck it. Buy the hellticket, take the hellride.

•Hotel California-

Aww, fuck me, "she got the Mercedes bends" is actually a good turn of phrase. I never once caught it until I actually read it, though.

The line about "we haven't had that spirit here since 1969" only gets dumber and funnier the older this song gets. The dude orders "a wine" and it just blows this guy away!

So, uhh, the food? scares the shit out of the guy? They're all killer robots? But they just can't kill the beast? What the fuck is the end of this stupid fucking song even saying?

Fuck, i hate the Eagles and i hate this goddamn song.

•New Kid In Town-

This feels like 1976. Different singer? Feels a bit more folksy.

Oh boy i really hate this.

•Life In The Fast Lane-

One of the only Eagles songs that doesn't make me wish i was born deaf... might be because i honestly thought this was a Dire Straits song for like 20 years.

But, after reading all the creepy horny lyrics in the verses that i generally can tune out, i almost wish i was born deaf AND blind.

Might be because I've never been all that fond of cars, but why are there so many songs about wanting to fuck in cars?

•Wasted Time-

Breakup song. It's okay. I've heard better ones today, let alone throughout this project.

•Wasted Time-

(Me reviewing this album)

Yeah let's reprise the song we literally just finished, why not? And also give it the same title!

•Victim of Love-

"Clearly, everything is the woman's fault." 🙄

•Pretty Maids All in a Row-

Title sounds like the name of a porno. Interminably slow, with "I'm stoned and this feels deep" lyrics.

After listening to Leonard Cohen talk about similar themes this just feels even more trite.

•Try and Love Again-

It looks from the lyrics that he had a good thing going and went for something else and now he laments what he "lost" (walked away from). 🙄🙄

•The Last Resort-

Worthless hippies and their native cultural appropriation and inability to actually DO anything. Fucking Christian cults and their megachurches actively destroying this country in the name of God, then packaging and selling hope back to the dipshit faithful.

I honestly like what this song is saying, but i think I'd vastly prefer it packaged in a 2 ½ minute long aggressive punk song than some 8 minute grandiose soft rock epic.

Well, it's over, and i still hate the fuckin' Eagles. Next!

Favorite Track: i was initially thinking life in the fast lane but now i am going to say "the peaceful silence after the album was finished".

Least Favorite Track: E. All of the above.

[oh-yes-i-did-not]

This anime sucks. But also, it's the fucking best thing ever.

And I don't know if you younger people have anything like this, or You Touch My Trallalla (Photon Ding Song Song is an entire thing and I know the creator wants nothing to do with it anymore which is understandable but also, you let that thing out, so....)

Which is like, a huge big no-no-NO since the the title of the anime is Photon: The Idiot Adventures, where the main character Photon is just too kind for his own good, because he literally doesn't understand anything that is going on and he's an idiot.

I have no doubt that Japan has kept producing Photons and Gautamas but they mostly just don't make a dent in Western anime culture. And I just want them to!

They're stupid, they're sexy, they make no sense, and if interpreted through a lens of AMVs, they're fucking hilarious.

And like, as an autistic, I love it all. It might be ableist and sexist but also, it's just fucking funny. Papacharino Nanadan is fucking hilarious to me. And the fact that Photon has been included into Tenchi Muyo wiki these days is even more hilarious.

Like, I know why it might offend many people and hurt my fellow autistics and why we need to trigger warn for it. But I don't think that stupid horny art, depicting stupid things and just existing is cause for concern by itself. Or art depicting people being clueless idiots or even mentally disabled, and making that a central plot point with positive twist is a problem.

The problem that exists is that there is no other type of media of being fucking stupid, autistic, or otherwise mentally disabled person out there. That there is no normal media of us being us.

But it's not entirely the fault of media that does depict us as something different. And it's also not a point of fault in us, if we enjoy that stupid, ableist media. It's the fault of consumers, the people who consume, who watch, like, and share. Media merely follows that.

And it should not take anything away from those who don't like it, who hate it and who are triggered by it to block and ignore. All media does that. It just that we don't have any variety in our genre, so we need to settle to Will Ferrell mistaking flowers to flour and that's it.

And I think in that situation I should be allowed to laugh at some stupid semi-hentai anime, where the main character is and does as I would in a situational comedy, or sitcom. Meaning he's a fucking idiot.

[fbfh]

leo recieving oral hcs - leo valdez x reader

wc: 1.5k

warnings: m recieving oral, not proof read, biting and hickeys, leo is REAL shy about recieving but you plan on fixing that, subby!leo, brief mention of reader recieving, a few mentions of both reader and leo getting fucked absolutely stupid at various points in time, switch!reader and switch!leo, mouthing through his pants, leo has some self esteem issues maybe??, one or two mentions of hair pulling (reader recieving), optional lipstick on his dick <3

song rec: just one way to say I love you - peggy lee

a/n: i have never wanted to suck dick so bad in my life your honor I love him ALSO filthy disgusting smut + oldies supremacy <333 also this was titled "leo x reader I've come for your pickle hcs" in my google docs which I love

tags: @yesv01 @avashaye @perseajohnson @afidiofobia @thatmultifandomloser @yelenabel0vaswife @almostjollypizza @Fictionalcomforts  @lizziebitch33  @jacksondeeznuts @justbookworm @urmum-xoxo @Asunnyhunny @dustyinkpages @cowboylikekelsey @cosmiq-cloud @anything-forourmoony  @i-dont-remember-a-lot  @chasingpj @1dpjohoohp @mystic-writings   @babiesimagines @dreamerball @demirunner

As with all nsfw works all participating characters are aged up to 18+

THAT BEING SAID……….

Okay we know Leo is VERY shy about receiving

We know he’ll eat you out or suck you off or generally go down on you until you’re totally dehydrated and out of cum legs shaking seen god totally fucked dumb can’t remember your own name

And even then,,,,

It’s “I know you got one more in you baby…” WITH THAT FUCKING SMIRK

But baby boy is so fucking shy about recieving

So goddamn nervous, so easily flustered

To the point where his usual strategy is to go down on you so hard for so long that you’re too tired

And more importantly so fucked absolutely stupid that you can’t think about anything besides how nice he feels cuddling you

How nice and warm his skin feels against yours, how sweet he is making sure you drink water and take ibuprofen in the few minutes you can manage to stay awake before cuddling into him and falling asleep in his embrace

Plus jesus fucking christ he loves going down on you

Like seriously

But that’s already been discussed and will probably be discussed more at some point

The only problem in this is that you really really wanna suck his dick

You want him in your mouth, want to taste him like he tastes you

Wanna make him feel good and fuck him dumb like he does to you

But he’s so goddamn shy

And trust me he wants you to suck his dick too

He’d probably be thinking about it all the time if he could even think about it a little without getting so overwhelmed and flustered his brain shuts off and he’s horny and distracted for the rest of the day 

So to make both of you happy

To satisfy your literal cravings for his cock in your mouth and to make him feel really fucking amazing

Just like he deserves

To successfully suck his soul out through his dick

You need to take him by surprise

Fucking pounce on him like Tigger, get between his legs, and start to mouth at him through his pants while batting your pretty eyelashes at him

God you can already feel him getting hard against your tongue

You could probably get him to cum just from that

It wouldn’t be too hard

But you really, really just want him in your mouth

So when you’re at this point, licking and mouthing at him through his pants while he’s splayed out below you

Periodically dropping some dirty talk, just to keep his mind where you want it

As if it could be anywhere else right now

He’s already putty in your hands

He’s already in total genuine disbelief that someone would want to go down on him as bad as you clearly want to

And yeah, some of that is a self esteem thing

Some of it is an unused to being wanted and receiving unconditional love thing

Some of it is a still getting used to receiving acts of service without feeling like he owes you something back

It’s the whole selfless part of agape love he’s still getting used to

He really never had that before you

Which is why you’re hellbent on breaking him in

That way he can receive and absorb the love and goodness he deserves

That’s why part of you is really enjoying how nervous he is under your touch, the way his breath hitches, heart pounding loud and hard in his chest at your hands on his hips and thighs

You don’t miss the way his eyes dart around, locking on yours, then moving up to the ceiling when it gets too intense

His hands will be all over the place too

In his hair

In your hair

Running over the bed or couch or countertop

Wherever you have him right now

One solution to that is to tie him up

But other than that, just cherish the feeling of his hands on your hair and/or neck 

Once you’ve finally teased him sufficiently

And however much that is is totally up to you

Once you finally get his cock in your mouth??

Once you finally wrap your soft warm lips around the velvety tip and a shuddering moan tears from his throat??

And you start sliding your tongue along that vein on the underside and can feel his precum pooling on your tongue???

Absolute bliss

And you better know he will not know how to shut up

He’ll be rambling and whining and moaning until you make him feel so good you have him bucking his hips into your mouth and unable to form a sentence

That’s really the only way he’ll stop rambling like a nervous turned on frantic mess

Because when you want him in your mouth this bad

When you pounce on him and top him like this 

When you smirk up at him while his cock is balls deep and throbbing in your mouth 

And your hands squeeze and jerk his cock perfectly

Yeah that’s more than enough to turn him into a nervous turned on frantic mess

If you wear lipgloss or lipstick a lot

Or even tinted lip balm

Anything with color

Watching it progressively smear onto him the longer you go until it’s absolutely ruined???????

Makes him feral

It makes him go fucking feral

Part of him wishes he could leave it on there forever 

Or at least that it’ll stain a little 

It feels so nice to get marked up a little, have proof that he’s yours 

God and he tastes so good too 

Like seriously Leo and his cum specifically taste really fucking good 

With how well you know his body

With how good you make him feel

You can probably have him moaning your name and babbling incomprehensibly and pulling your hair while he shoots his sweet cum down your throat in minutes 

Which you should totally do

Because then 

You can return the favor for all those times he had you cumming on his mouth and fingers and cock until you were shaking and couldn’t remember your name 

Seize this opportunity 

Overstimulate the HELL out of him

Make him cum down your throat and suck on his balls until they’re completely empty 

Fucking suck his soul out of his big juicy cock and take all his cum out with it 

Also 

Leave some hickeys on his hips above his cock

Right along his v line yk

Maybe some on his thighs 

It will drive him so fucking crazy

And whenever he sees them until they fade he’ll get flashbacks to right now

To how warm and wet your sweet mouth feels around him 

If you wanna get real cheeky leave at least one that’ll be visible above the waistband of his pants 

If you time it right and do it when he’s totally and completely fucked out from your mouth he won’t notice until someone points it out to him 

Leave it as a fun surprise for later <3

And like

He’s really sensitive

Especially when it’s you touching him 

But he also fucking CRUMBLES under you when you get a little rough

Melts right into a puddle, putty in your hands (more than usual)

So don’t be afraid to bite him a little, scratch his thighs

You’ll probably get at least two more loads just from doing that

(THIS BOY HAS STAMINA FOR DAYS)

So after a while

Like a while

When you’ve finally sufficiently drained his soft balls and made him cum so many times he lost count 

When you’re finally done and you get water and ibuprofen and cuddle up next to him

His face is against your chest, taking in how sweet you smell, how nice your hands feel playing with his hair 

You pepper kisses over his face and praise him sweetly 

Your throat will be sore for a while but it is so worth it

Also he thinks you sound really fucking hot like that

So no one’s complaining

As he drifts off in your arms he kind of already wants this to happen again

He realizes his anticipation for your focus and attention like that is starting to get more powerful than the shy nervousness at receiving it 

He has no idea how you managed to flip that switch in him so quickly

Just you working your magic, he guesses

But dear god he loves you even more for it

And now he really can’t wait to return the favor 

[mocharadio]

Now Playing(Title): Touching Their Boobas! (Headcanons)

Requested By: @polluxminor

Song Artists(Characters): Kaeya, Diluc, Childe, Zhongli, Xiao, and Beidou

Remix(Au): Modern Au! cause why not

Lyrics(Summary): Their reaction to you just randomly squeezing their boobs ?????? gn!reader by the way, but pronouns aren't really mentioned regardless

Explicit?(Warnings): No beta we die like Khaenri'ah, lowercase, suggestive (but nothing more than that!), they/them used for Kaeya, Beidou, and Xiao, slightly ooc but I feel like they'd act differently in a modern setting anyways

A/N: consider this to be crack, also this is under the impression that you are already their s/o (or at least their bestie) and they're fine with you doing this because it would be....very much weird if that wasnt the case!

Kaeya:

he just looks at you for a few seconds and blinks like three times in a row

you swear you can hear the blinking sound effects as he does it too

then they let out their stupid, toothy smirk and start laughing at you

"Damn shawty, you down THAT bad?"

starts squeezing their tiddies himself and talks about how nice they are

can and will defend them with his life. ESPECIALLY if you take it back and call them flat. expect all hell to break loose.

will probably bring up his ass at some point too

"Got tha fattest ass on the block babey"

please shut this guy up.

Diluc

doesnt even realize whats going on at first

like Kaeya he'll just kinda stare at you for a few seconds before it finally hits him

like a truck, too

"[Name], why are your hands on my chest"

"Man tiddies."

"I see."

he'll never tell you upfront but it flusters him a lot

as soon as you aren't paying attention to him anymore his face gets all red and he has to put a hand over his heart to make sure his HR is stable so he doesn't collapse and die

do it more often! eventually he'll crack and you'll be able to see how embarrassed he gets! its really cute :]

Childe

dont. you'll regret it

im serious this man is so extra for no reason

he can and will fake moan out loud. doesnt matter where you guys are.

in the middle of walmart? he'll moan. in your college dorm with the door cracked open and people in the halls? he'll still fake moan! he doesnt care if professor Zhongli or Albedo hears either, it is what it is.

generally speaking though he doesn't really mind, he's flattered actually!

you on the other hand will probably mind very much when it gets you kicked out of Starbucks or extra homework from your professors.

will grab your chest back though (only if you're fine with it)

Zhongli

poor peepaw.

he's so confused he doesn't know why you're just groping him like that

he thinks there's something wrong, like you're silently pleading for help or you wanna kill him.

he grabs you by the shoulders and asks if everything is alright.

yeah???? everything's okay your tits are just fat Zhongli please calm down

after he realizes you just wanted to grope him he sighs out of relief and lets you go to town

unless you don't wanna anymore, then he's cool with that too

Xiao

run. run as fast and as far away as you fucking can

they will chase your ass across the goddamn country if needed

dropkicks you (playfully)

he genuinely doesnt mind it at all it just caught him off guard and flustered them and they needed to cope somehow

after he's done attacking you like a rabies ridden raccoon though he'll calm down and just snuggle themself into your chest (if you're fine with it)

grumbles some shit like "stop being horny all the time" and "you cant just do that to me"

doesn't really mean it of course

Beidou

"This is why mom doesn't FUCKING LOVE YOU!"

in all seriousness though I feel like they'd laugh their ass off before (consensually) groping the fuck out of your chest too

she's so nonchalant about it as if you do it every single day

which you probably do, after that

teases you nonstop over it.

one day you accidentally grope them a little to hard and they just gently pick you up and tosses you onto the nearest soft surface

then she jumps onto you

small price to pay for hurting her tatas

[kkusuka]

hq fics and drabbles

here are my headcannons 

all in chronological order (of their respective categories) 

Fics <3 

Mirror compliments <3

character: Ushijima, Tendou is mentioned

genre: angst to fluff, short story 

based on this prompt:  For the last few days, you’ve been getting ominous messages written in blood on your bathroom mirror. Turns out, they’re from an awkward ghost with a serious crush on you.

king <3  (song fic) 

character: kageyama, slight Hinata 

genre: angst?, short story 

Kageyama can be king again 

December 14th <3 

charcters: Atsumu and Osamu Miya 

genre: angst-ish, implied smut, yandere-ish 

synopsis: imagine being the object of both Miya twins affection? they’ve know you were theirs from childhood, it just took you a damn long time to realize it. 

Forever after All <3 

character: Oikawa tooru

genre: angsty, fluff-ish

song fic of Luke Combs “forever after all” 

synopsis: some things are worth waiting for ever for 

Should’ve worn gloves <3 (this isnt really a fic but i love it so much) 

genre: flirty fluff 

character: suna rinatrou 

synopsis: suna didnt wear gloves and your thighs look pretty warm 

Something about Atsumu Miya <3 

characters: Atsumu Miya 

genre: angst 

synopsis: there was something about Atsumu Miya that you couldn’t place.  Until you could. Or you go through what it feels like to go through the stages of a failed relationship with Atsumu.

Our Little Corner of the Garden <3 (a personal favorite) 

characters: Oikawa Tooru, slight Atsumu Miya 

genre: angst 

synopsis: the moment he had lead you into the small corner of the garden your heart was his.

4/25 <3 

characters: Kuroo Tetsurou  and Bokuto Koutarou 

genre: smut 

synopsis:  Your college chem class is kicking your ass so when your professor recommends you to Kuroo, who seems to come in a package deal with another owl-ish boy, you were more than thankful.

The Ladies room <3 

characters: Suna Rinatrou and Kenma Kozume 

genre: smut 

synopsis: your two new gamer friends don’t like when other guys talk to you

The locker room <3 

character: Sakusa Kiyoomi 

genre: smut 

synopsis: Locker rooms are where memories are made 

Anatomy Lessons <3 

characters: Ushijima Wakatoshi 

genre: smut 

synopsis: ushijima is not gifted in the ways of learning

Put on a show <3 

characters:  Suna rinatrou x reader x atsumu miya

genre: smut 

synopsis: you ride suna at a party and atsumu watches 

Level up <3 

characters: Kenma Kozume 

genre: fluff 

synopsis: the levels of your relationship with kenma 

Fuck ‘em to Sleep <3 

characters:  Kenma Kozume x reader x Kuroo Tetsuro

genre: smut 

synopsis: kenma’s gaming and you’re horny, what else to do but call Kuroo? 

Body of Glass <3 

characters: Iwaizumi Hajime 

genre: smut 

synopsis: he treats you like glass and all you want to do is get railed. 

The Velvet Room <3 

genre: smut 

characters: Tsukishima Kei and Kageyama Tobio 

synopsis: you go into a club run by the mafia, and happen to catch some attention. 

Painting <3 

(more of three separate drabbles) 

genre: smut 

characters:  Suna, Ushijima, and Sugawara

you make a painting out of a strenuous activity

Muddle <3 

genre: angst

character: ushijima wakatoshi 

he can’t bare the thought of losing you, it just took him a bit to realize. 

Broken chopsticks<3 

genre: smut 

character: Osamu

osamu likes watching you stake your claim just a bit to much

Drabbles <3 

until i say so <3 

characters: Sakusa and Atsumu 

genre: smut 

you don't do anything until sakusa says so 

Asking you out <3 

genre: angsty crack 

characters: sakusa, iwaizumi, ushijima, hinata 

drabbles about how thy freak out when they want to ask you out 

trusted <3

genre: angst 

character: Atsumu

a drabble about putting your trust in the wrong boy 

Mating press <3 

genre: smut 

character: Bokuto 

bokuto mating press’s his girlfriend

Toxic things pt. 1.5 <3 (part one is in the headcannons mlist) 

genre: angst 

charcters: oikawa, sakusa, atsumu, suna 

you break their hearts 

Lesson <3 

genre: smut, kinda dark 

characters: ushijima and sakusa 

ushijima doesn't know how to teach his whore a lesson, so who better to ask than sakusa?

cunny stuffers <3 

genre: smut 

characters: Ushijima, bokuto, sakusa 

they stuff you with cum 

Timid s/o pt.1 <3 

genre: smut 

characters: daichi, bokuto 

they help their timid s/o

 a boob perv <3 

genre: smut--ish (nothing explicit) 

characters: Kenma 

kenma really likes your boobs 

handjob <3 

genre: smut 

character: ushijima 

he really likes your hand around his cock

Thigh pillows <3 

genre: fluff 

character: suna 

suna’s tired and your thighs are great pillows 

Risky texts <3 

genre: crack, slight smut 

character: hinata 

you send your boyfriend a steamy text during practice 

Panty thief <3 

genre: smut-ish 

character: sakusa 

he likes to take your panties  

Timid S/o pt.2 <3 

genre: smut 

characters: kuroo, the miya twins 

they help their timid s/o 

Sharing <3

genre: smut 

characters: iwaizumi, oikawa, mattsukawa, hanamaki 

oikawa shows his friends everything, including you 

boobjob <3 

genre: smut 

characters: kenma 

kenma likes boobjobs

Pinning for porn <3 

genre: smut 

character: iwaizumi 

you wanna watch porn with your crush iwa-chan 

Kenma is a boob perv pt.2 <3 

genre: smut 

character: kenma 

you want your boyfriend to eat you our but he wants to play with your boobs

Lap space <3 

genre: kinda crack-ish 

characters: kenma, Kageyama 

a rivalry has formed for sleeping rights on your thighs 

Do i wanna Know? 

genre: smut 

character: Bokuto

he leaves you all tied up and needy 

Squirt <3 

genre: smut 

character: Kenma 

kenma like smearing your cum on your boobs 

Snowy weekend <3 

genre: crack, hints of smut 

character: Oikawa, mentions of Iwaizumi, Makki and Mattsun

a 3am food run leaves you and your boyfriend trapped in a car

Prying <3 

genre: fluffy crack 

character: Suna and Atsumu 

atsumu never stops prying into your relationship 

better <3

genre: smut

character: atsumu miya 

you prove that you can give a better blow job than some random fling

Little hole, Big men <3 

genre: smut 

characters: ushijima, bokuto, tsukishima, iwaizumi, aran, sakusa, kuroo, matsukawa

you have a tight little whole they love so much

Makeup <3 

genre: crack 

character: Oikawa Tooru 

you have an extremely pretty boyfriend 

A bet<3 

genre: smut 

characters: Tsukishima and Kuroo 

tsuki loses a bet, and kuroo is very happy

cosplayer s/o <3 

genre: smut 

character: kenma 

kenma loves his cosplayer girlfriend 

inarizaki pet play <3 

genre: smut 

characters: Kita, Aran, Suna, Osamu and Atsumu 

the title, lol 

3rd year hinata <3 

genre: smut 

character: HInata 

hinata is oblivious to his charm 

Huniepop <3 

genre: fluuf 

character: kenma

kenma plays games for far to long 

Memories <3 

genre: smut 

characters: suna aran, atsumu, kita

suna doesnt dwell on memories, we maybe just a few. 

sharing is caring <3 

genre: smut 

characters: atsumu 

atsumu dosen’t like to share

how they fuck you<3 

genre: smut 

characters: inarizaki mains 

Haikyuu dilfs; Breeding 

genre: smut 

characters: Ukai, Meian, romero, hiragumi 

they breed you poor cunt 

The degraders <3 

genre: smut 

characters: Sakusa, Tsukishima, Suna

you’re their pretty little bitch

Mr. Stuffed-owl <3 

genre: fluff

characters: bokuto

he doesn't understand why you like that stupid owl

ass, boob, or thigh?

genre: smut 

charaters: ushijima, bokuto, hoshiumi, kageyama, hinata, sakusa, aran, suna, atsumu

[just-another-hhazbin]

Okay, not to be serious on main but, can we just talk about Stolas for a second -

This episode straight up starts with an insight into how unhappy is marriage is  all the way back when Octavia was a little kid. (Which is roughly 17 years, not very long for psuedo-immortal beings, but still. We all know how time drags when we’re in a bad situation.) I mean, the title card literally has “sad horny demons” in the “Warnings” section.

The episode opens with Octavia as a little girl and Stolas and Stella asleep in their bed. When Octavia calls for both of them, Stella tells Stolas to go check on her. Which, okay. It’s normal for parents to take turns taking care of their kids. But I think it’s more than that.

When Stolas goes to check on Octavia after her nightmare, she specifically says: “I couldn’t find you anywhere,” not “you and Mom.” Maybe it was just because Stolas was the only one there, but I think it was on purpose that she only specified him.

Then, during his song to her, he hints that he’s disappointed with his life, that “[he] used to think that [he] was bold, [he] used to think that love would be fun” and that “all of his stories have been told, except for one...” where he pauses and looks down at Octavia.

We’ve been pretty certain for a while now that it’s not exactly a happy marriage, but I think this emphasizes that it has never been a happy marriage. Stolas is essentially saying that the only thing he has left is his daughter, that there is no one else he loves and no one else who loves him, and that he’s not as “bold” as he thought. 

Later on, during the argument, it’s Stella screaming and throwing things while Stolas just deflects and tries to calm her down. On one hand, he’s the one who cheated, which is a big no-no and it’s understandable why Stella would be mad. 

But it doesn’t sound like Stella is mad about the cheating, but rather how he cheated and who he cheated with. She’s mad that it happened in her house, understandable, but then says that a motel would have been too plebian and implies that it’s more shameful that Stolas was with an imp, typically lower class demons, than anything else. She isn’t focused on the betrayal, but the “embarassment.”

I think that Stolas probably thought he was in love with Stella at the start of their relationship.  Here’s another owl, possibly Goetian, demon with a star name, like the stars he loves and makes - well, what could be more perfect? But Stella only ever cared about the status and appearances of the relationship, which led to Stolas struggling emotionally and realizing that what he thought was love wasn’t all that after all.  

She also calls him pathetic, and then proceeds to insult his only known hobby besides stars - plants - and starts destroying them, which is a pretty dick move considering they’re pretty much the only things beside stars and Octavia that Stolas seems to care about. Maybe she’s just mad about the cheating, but all in all, it looks like there’s been a longterm problem and arguing long before the actual cheating happened.

He’s stayed in that relationship for 17 years probably solely for appearances and Octavia’s sake, though considering her personality from the start, their marriage has probably been deteriorating over time regardless.  From the semi-canon instagrams, it’s been shown that Stolas really does care about Blitzo, and possibly feels like this is his second chance for an actual relationship if he can get Blitzo to agree and feel the same way about him. Which is definitely going to be a challenge, but.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Considering his marriage is in flames either way, he probably feels like it’s worth it. 

Overall, though, his main priority stays the same: Octavia.  He doesn’t go look for Blitzo when Moxxie and Millie show up and say he’s dealing with stupidity and fire, he keeps looking for his daughter and sits down and tries to talk with and comfort her.  

And I think the only way for him to break out of his “mild but horny British gentleman/owl” shell is for something to happen to Octavia - we see a hint of it when he fucking turns that one imp to stone when he interrupts and threatens them. But it’s only a hint. Stolas’ breaking point will also possibly be when Blitzo also gains some actual respect for him and is open to a real relationship, but it’ll take a direct threat to Octavia before that point is reached. He lets himself be pushed around and holds a fairly passive role with both Stella and Blitzo, it’s only when it comes to his daughter that he actually takes a firm stance.

There’s also the possible foreshadowing at the start of the episode during Stolas’ song, where he explains that even if he dies, he’ll still be in the sky, and Octavia only needs to look towards those to see him. Most of the song is just him singing about all the ways he could die but still be there for Octavia, which is concerning both in terms of foreshadowing and what his possible mental state could be at the time. But the end message of the song is still the same as what the episode reflects - that even if creation ends, Octavia will be okay, no matter what.

I’ll be interested to see if we actually get there or if the storyline takes a different direction.

[panicatthesocialmedia]

any music recommendations?

I‘m glad to you asked.

I was intact tempted to send you my 250k utterly specific playlists that have the weirdest names, but instead I handpicked a few that just won‘t get out of my head.

Welcome to the colour of my Rainbow eerrr music taste post.

(If I am a good girl I might even add playable audios to this or whatever... so yeah Click the song title to be redirected to THE YouTube)

• Intergalactic by the Beastie Boys or „How to make people go crazy while you wobble on the floor bc this slaps“

• Young and Doomed by Frank Iero and The Future Violents or „Oh wow the second one already is by the jersey motherfukxer gremlin“

• Honey by Halsey or „How does that godesss write amazing songs without intending to write an actual song“

• Hollywood by Lewis Capaldi or „why does this hit into the feels, but not like the others?“

• Le parole lontane by Måneskin or „the band that has the intention to make everyone horny“

• Dasher by Gerard Way or „the story behind this song makes my wanna pick their brain and eat a piece“/„oh look a mother jersey motherfukxer“

• Vampire Money by My Chemical Romance or „The song by the Jersey motherfukxers that makes me go wild immediately and dance like a mf”

• Back and White by Niall Horan or “do I wanna dance or happily cry in a corner?”

• Impossible by Nothing but Thieves or “Will I ever get over this stupid song?”

• charity by YUNGBLUD or “why does this speak the truth?”

• Wildflower by 5 Seconds of Summer or “sending horny vibes”

• Again by grandson & Zero 9:36 or “can I eat this song?”

• All Star by Smash Mouth or “no, don’t ask - I have no clue”

• Blood // Water by grandson or “why do I walkways turn back to this song?”

• Bloodline by Luke Hemmings or “Softly whispering feels, that stab you 100%”

• Break My Stride by Matthew Wilder or “yeah idk”

• Bury Me Face Down by grandson or “JuSt dO IT”

• Centerfold by The J. Grips Band or “this slaps”

• Champagne Supernova by Oasis or “do all heur. Songs basically sound the same but somehow still slap?”

• Changes by David Bowie or “did she once saw this song performed by ballet dancers and since then it’s meaning has exploded to level 10001?”

• Creep by Radiohead or “does she know other Radiohead songs?”

• Dear Maria, Count Me In by All Time Low or “ I got your picture, I’m coming with you”

• die without u by LØLØ or “sometimes I wish I could bury you alive”

• Encore 2: One Day More by The Les Miserables 10th Anniversary cast or “why does my leg hair stand up?”

• Everybody Talks by Neon Trees or “One hit wonder?”

• Fluorescent Adolescent by Arctic Monkeys or “Why is this not a candle name?”

• Footloose by Kenny Loggins or “Yes I’m queer leave me alone”

• Four Letter Words by K.Flay or “Yes”

• How the World Works by Bo Burnham or “why isn’t this played for educational purposes in school?”

• I’m with You by Avril Lavigne or “how does this still slap like the first time listening to it?”

• Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls or “*cries*”

• Kein Liebeslied by Kraftklub or “I’m dumb”

• Killer Queen by Queen or “should this be played at my funeral”

• Kokomo by The Beach Boys or “ja”

• Lemon Tree by Fool’s Garden or “wait that’s a German artist and I like it?”

• Love race by Machine Gun Kelly feat. Kellin Quinn or “what?”

• Parasite Eve by Bring Me The Horizon or “??? Oh ya!”

• Violence by Frank Iero and the Future Violents or “can someone tattoo the guitar intro into my fucking brain?”

• Take it Easy by the Eagles or “this should be my mantra”

• I Was Made for Lovin’You by Kiss or “This goes to my blorbos”

• Summer of ‘69 by Bryan Adams or “I wasn’t even born yet”

• Africa by Toto or “is this a choir song made to be sung by entire stadiums?”

• Paranoid by Black Sabbath or “can you help me occupy my brain?”

• Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple or “another guitar intro to tattoo on my brain”

• The Boys Are Back in Town by Thin Lizzy or “oh boy”

• Paint it Black by The Rolling Stones or “Just Paint it all Black Mf”

• Smooth Criminal performed by Alien Ant Farm or “yes they were right this song is rad and screamed reeeedo me”

• Bulls on Parade by Rage Against the Machine or “have ya read the lyrics?”

• Love Buzz by Nirvana or “shit”

• What’s Up? by 4 Non Blondes or “this just has to be included motherfuckers”

• Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley or “let’s not just do it for the memes”

• Time In a Bottle by Jim Croce or “ohhhh”

• If I Could See the World (Through the Eyes of a Child) by Patsy Cline or “I wish”

• I’m Still Standing by Elton John or “get up cowards and dance bc yes you are still standing”

• Hooked On a Feeling by Blue Swede or “nah not that angelic voice Swede from the gay pirate show”

• Everybody wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears or “nothing ever lasts forever”

• Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac or “just play it mf”

• Burnin��� for You by Blue Öyster Cult or “these names are so cool lol”

• December, 1963 (Oh, What a Night) by The Four Seasons or “is that a hotel or a garden centre?”

• Sweet Emotion by Aerosmith or “they just know how it goes”

• Kickstart my Heart by Mötley Crüe or “this name is fraught out of a fantasy novel and they just found out about dots over letters”

• 9 To 5 by Dolly Parton or “idk I can’t explain why this slaps so hard but it does”

• Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi or “yes”

• Tainted Love by Soft Cell or “yes yes”

• That’s All by Genesis or “it’s always the same”

• You Shook me All Night Long by AC/DC or “are they sure it isn’t AD/AC?”

• Life is a Highway by Rascal Flatts or “yes this is the Car soundtrack”

• Dancing Queen by ABBA or “all their songs slap let’s be real so why not choose the one everyone knows?”

• Girls Just Want to Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper or “it’s the truth!”

• (Don’t Fear) The Reaper by Blue Öyster Cult or “Romeo and Juliet”

• On my Way by Phil Collins or “brother bear soundtrack”

• I’m on Fire by Bruce Springsteen or “🔥”

• I Won’t Back Down by Tom Petty or “pep talk”

• Major Tom (Völlig Losgelöst) by Peter Schilling or “why didn’t they use the og version, but instead the one translated for the masses”

• Deutsche Bahn by Wise Guys

• Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd or “did I miss a nyrd”

• Drift Away by Dobie Gray or “if you don’t think this slaps unfollow me”

• September by Earth, Wind & Fire or “🔥”

• What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong or “this was my grannies fave”

• Make it Stop (September’s Children) by Rise Against

• Nothin’ But a Good Time by Poison

• Fade into You by Mazzy Star ⭐️

• The Whole “Bein Dead” Thing from Beetlejuice

• Desolation Row performed by My Chemical Romance

• Ambulance by My Chemical Romance

• Letters to The Lost by COUNTERFEIT.

• Midnight by Creeper

• Cyanide by Creeper

• Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash

• Foundations of Decay by My Chemical Romance or "the jersey motherfuckers are back in town"

• I Walk the Line by Johnny Cash

• Fire Away by Chris Stapleton

• Stranger by Jesper Munk

• Self Esteem by The Offspring

• Heaven Help Us by My Chemical Romance

• Sabotage by the Beastie Boys or “Start and Finish line”

I know this might seem excessive, but I couldn’t cut it down further. And I cut it down like A LOT. Basically all the songs by the each of the jersey motherfukxers had to go. And then I had to cut it down even further and it’s still a long list lol.

[alreadyblondenow]

You’re hot & you’re cold |Mark Lee (TEASER)

Hockey player Mark Lee x Figure Skater reader

▸ Angst, Smut, Too much fluff ▸ Part of 23 Day of Christmas event by Neo Smut Collective @neosmutcollective​

Summary: You and Mark are two different people but you both love the ice. A figure skater and a hokey player, hated each other for a moment of time, but soon fell in love. It was quite unexpected but Mark has become your inspiration to move forward. ‘You and me against the world’ that’s what you tell each other….but for how long? 

Warnings: Mother issues, a lot of kissing and mentions of kissing, unprotected and protected sex, slow sex, mentions of shower sex, fingering, swearing, mentions of bruises, oral sex female receiving, virginity loss, slight nipple play, mentions of other idols, mentions of terms from Figure Skating. Smut after the cut. 

A/N: PURE FICTION. Title is from Katy Perry’s song Hot N Cold. Meaning, being indecisive in a relationship. I’m not a figure skater, and I used several movies as guide and inspirations for this fic + my experience of being an athlete in training and having a diet. But this is very inspired by I, Tonya my fic is just the soft version haha. I, Tonya is hardcore. Love that film!

Release date: Dec 25

As months slowly pass by, you two continue hiding your ‘relationship’ and completely falling in love with each other but never make it official. Mark knew what he signed up for and that means he is more than willing to take care of you may it be physically or mentally. Whenever classes are over, he finds a way to give you a bag of fruits or a healthy sandwich with fruit juice on the side to help you with your diet. He always wakes up at five in the morning just so he could say good morning to you and motivate you on your session. On top of that, you have been skating better ever since you and Mark happened. Mark Lee has become the support and love that you’ve been waiting for.

Your competition is getting near and your sessions are getting more intense as days go by. Your mother has been giving you extra ice time because she sees that you’re improving and she wanted to get a hold of that by training to beat your limit.

It’s the weekend and you and Mark are kissing nonstop on his bed, he has been thinking about touching you recently but he figured maybe you’re not into that until your hand landed on his ass and gave it a tight squeeze. Making the guy on top of you break away from the kiss and smirked, “what?” you asked him.

“Nothing I didn’t know you’re into that” he teases you and squeezes your right butt cheek too, making you giggling underneath him and sigh.

“Do you want to… uhm, do it?” you asked shyly and you just gave him another reason to tease you.

“Yes. I want to do it” he said with a teasing tone while he kisses your neck, “if you really want to do it” he added.

“Yeah”

He answered with a sweet ‘okay’ while kissing your neck, he removed your shirt first kissing you on your lips as soon as he sees you with only your bra. As if he’s thanking you for letting him be your first. You were getting shy as you unclasp your bra in front of him, covering your boobs with one arm and avoiding his eyes. But he removed your arm and sucked your left boob without any warning, earning a sweet moan from you. He went back to kissing your body down, tugging your leggings, and touching your body with need.

“Ah! Fucking-“ you let out a muffled shout as you hiss, making Mark stop what he’s doing immediately.

He waited for a few minutes before he continues removing your leggings not because he was horny, “fuck! Y/n! Why didn’t you tell me?”

It was a big purple bruise on your hip bone from your session yesterday, you didn’t tell him because he would act like this and you didn’t think it was necessary because he’s not your boyfriend but you didn’t tell him that. It will hurt him.

“I fell on the ice yesterday, I’m sorry” you tried covering yourself with a pillow because you’re getting shy. The moment became so wrong in an instant and you feel so stupid for asking him to have sex with you tonight. Mark covers you with his blanket and avoids looking at the bruise, “I’ll get some ice. Wait here”

When he came back with a bowl of ice, he has this look in his eyes that’s telling you he’s sorry and he didn’t mean to get mad earlier. He got a towel from his drawer and immediately took care of your bruise. “You know that I’ve been doing this since I was seven years old and I know how to take care of myself” you placed a kiss on his cheek and told him you’re thankful for him.

“That’s what I’ve been telling you all along. Let me take care of you, you’re allowed to be weak and depend on others. You and me against the world, right?” he sighed but you pout playfully and ask for a kiss to turn the mood around. He snorted and gave you the kiss you’ve been asking for and kissed your cold bruised skin too to make you smile.

“Better?” he asked with a smirk, hands on your thigh as he caresses it slowly.

“You’re so fucking perfect Mark Lee” you swing your arms around his neck and drag him to the mattress. You don’t care if your bruise hurts, you need Mark and there’s nothing that can stop you now. You remove your panties as quickly as you can and went on top of him. Mark wanted to see you naked underneath him but you were quick with your movements and the next thing he knows you’re tugging his shorts.

[thran-duils]

Broken Hearted Lovers

Title: Broken Hearted Lovers Summary: Fem!Reader x Professor!Tony Stark.  Tony broke up with Pepper, you broke up with your SO. The two of you find sexual release in the other to try to get over it. Who knows if it'll help, but orgasming sure does feel good. Words: 1,123 Warnings: Smut, professor kink, desk sex, sex for favors Author’s Note: Song inspo for the fic

Masterpost (mobile)

You stood patiently off to the side as one of the other students was speaking to Tony. He kept stealing glances your way, looking impatient that the student was still speaking when he had you there in a short skirt and tight sweater just waiting. The student was not taking a hint, engrossed in asking about their paper and grade.

He must really be horny tonight. Good. You were hoping he was going to be rough cause you needed it. Both of you found release right now in each other post break up with your respective significant others. He had been at a press conference earlier in the day before still coming here this evening to do a late 7:30pm lecture. After that kind of day, you would be daft to not be ready to spread your legs for him on his desk. Let him take out his frustration of all the stupid questions he had had to endure all day on your pussy. This student in front of you was adding to the pile up.

Tony tore his eyes away from you.

“Look, Trey, you have the right idea about your theory, but you need to work on your writing. That’s the problem. An idea is only as good as its presentation,” Tony cut in. Trey looked embarrassed and Tony clapped him on the shoulder. “Read some recent proposals from the scientific community. Look at their presentation.”

Trey took the advice, albeit with some wounded pride, before he turned and left the room.

Tony’s eyes flicked to you still standing there off to the side. “Any more inane questions about anything?” he asked, sounding sour.

You stuck your bottom lip out, waltzing towards the desk. You brought your paper from behind your back and held it out to him. He sighed, a frown setting in deep.

Shrugging you said, “Feedback?”

Tony snatched the papers from you and slammed them on the desk to the side. “Close the door.”

“I’m serious—”

“Close the door,” he repeated with more force, his gaze piercing. He was not messing around.

Failing to hide your smirk, you turned on your heel, walking towards the door. You closed it and he ordered, “Lock it.”

Biting your bottom lip in anticipation, you did as he asked.

Coming back over, you stopped in front of the desk and he snapped his fingers, pointing at the desk space in front of him. With a sultry look, you walked around the desk, squeezing yourself between him and it. You could already feel his length much to your excitement and you pushed yourself back up onto the desk. His hands were on your bare thighs, running up underneath your skirt in moments. Your own hands worked at his shirt, unbuttoning the top few before he pushed past that, causing you to have to wrap your arms around his shoulders as his lips crashed into yours.

“Today was awful,” he growled against your mouth.

“Can I make it better?” you asked and inhaled sharply as his hands dipped to cup your ass.

“Fuck yes you can,” he husked, pulling away.

You knew what to do. You hiked your skirt up and he pulled your underwear down your legs, tossing them onto the chair behind him.

“Keeping those for later?” you teased just as he came back, grasping your face roughly.

He pulled your face to his, dominating you in a kiss.

Sitting on the edge, you leaned back on your elbows, opening your legs, letting Tony guide his cock to sink into you gradually. You keened against the sensation, loving feeling him stretch you out. His thumb came to your clit, caressing slowly and you whined lowly, drawing a smug look. He knew how to work women. The man had been a playboy for years and he had kept it under wraps for such a long time; it seemed old habits died hard, especially when they were pent up and given sudden release. His hands were at your hips, his hips rolling slowly as you adjusted to him. Even in his impatience, he was conscious of your sensuality. The wetter you got, the faster he moved, skin slapping against skin.

He leaned forward, reaching behind to pull you to him, bringing you to his body and burying himself deep repeatedly before letting go and you all but collapsed back onto the desk. In tandem, you hooked your legs over his shoulders, lying flat. His hands gripped at your thighs as he hit you in a new angle. The desk was rattling beneath you with his thrusts. The computer tumbled back, thankfully landing on the desk, but it startled you.

Tony’s hand fell to your face, forcing you to look back at him as he gave a hard thrust. “That’s why they need to nail those damn things down. Don’t get distracted, kitten. Keep those beautiful eyes on me.”

His hand came out to latch around the base of your throat, holding you in place as he became unbridled. With each thrust, his cock was rubbing your clit and you fought to keep looking at him.

“Professor, please,” you whined, relishing in his tight grasp at your throat. “Please fuck me. Make me come all over your cock.”

Tony groaned loudly, closing his eyes, continuing to drive himself deep.

You felt it coming on quick and when it slammed into you, you cried out, your voice swelling and falling with each wave of your orgasm. Curse words fell from your lips in gasped breaths, riding out the high as Tony’s own breath increased as he stimulated his head against your clenched walls.

“FUCK!” he shouted as he released, his grip tightening sharply on your throat. You choked against it, seeing stars. He pumped in and out, slower each time, his cock twitching. You were warm inside, filled with his cum.

When he pulled away, he left a trail. He did not mind to wipe himself up as he shoved himself back in his pants. You sat up on the edge of the desk again, pushing your skirt down. You eyed your panties still sitting on the chair and debated if you could ask for them back or if he was really going to keep them since he had not answered you before.

You were ever watchful as he grabbed your paper he had tossed carelessly aside at the beginning of your tryst and wrote the score at the top in red, without reading it, before handing it back to you.

“A 97?” you asked miffed.

Tony buttoned his shirt back up as he said, “It was missing tits. Remember to bring them out to play next time and you’ll get 100 plus extra credit.”

~~~

Forever tags: @coconutqueen21 @undecidedsworld

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

lip sync your way into my heart

( @thecomfortofoldstorries and I got into a fun head-cannon debate last night about Tik Tok POVs and this is what happened)

--- Jaskier has never really been in the loop when it comes to social media. He was behind the curve when he made his Tumblr and he was two years late to sign up for Twitter. It’s no surprise that he finally downloads Tik Tok and makes an account several months after it’s become a viral platform.

That also means all the good usernames are taken; Jaskier types in @buttercup-bard, sees that it’s available, and calls it a day. This isn’t an app he’s going to care about. It’s just to waste time during his forty minute commute to and from campus. 

Alas, he has ADHD...and this shit is addictive.

Especially, he hates to admit, the thirst-trap hotties who do weird, obscure, edgy POV videos. Jaskier knows they’re aimed primarily towards teen and young adult women but he’s a red-blooded Redanian gay. He’s horny. He can watch a few POV Tik Toks on the bus and thirst after pretty boys with big muscles...as a treat.

By Jaskier’s second week of classes he’s found a definite favorite Tik-Tokker (is that what they’re called? Or is it influencer? Jaskier doesn’t care). The guy is gorgeous. He has beautiful honey-gold eyes and long, silvery-white hair; which is appropriate since his handle is @whitehairdontcare. He makes a wide range of content, too. Perfect for Jaskier’s Concerta-focused tastes. There are some dances here and there and some Q&A videos, but for the most part he does POVs. 

Jask and his roommates, Essi and Priscilla, have spent many happy hours poring over Mr. White Hair’s account, watching and re-watching their favorites from his vast repertoire of content. Essi loves his weird, edgy-boi shit. Stuff with titles like “POV: I fight the bully who insulted your haircut” or “POV: you make a deal with the devil for true love”. Stuff that Jaskier would have been into when he still listened to My Chemical Romance on the regular (okay, he still does, but don’t tell Essie). 

Priscilla is a huge fan of Tik Tok dances. She follows every challenge and ranks her favorites, compiling them into a YouTube series that’s more for her self-gratification than anything else. Mr. White Hair is generally towards the top of her list whenever he deigns to follow a trend that doesn’t involve badly applied makeup blood smears. The guy clearly works out and the definition of his body (and the movements of said really hot body) make the dances look so much more fluid and fun. Jaskier and Priscilla clearly share a brain-cell when it comes to appreciating Mr. White Hair’s hotness.

Jaskier’s favorites, of course, are the cute little POVs that lie scattered between all the edgy ones. Stuff made for the softies of Tik Tok. Stuff made for boys like Jaskier. “POV: I fix your car for you” is the one he’s probably re-watched the most. Mr. White Hair is lying on his back beneath a jacked-up blue car, oil smeared in a few strategic places on his face, chest, and arms. At the very end of the Tik Tok he moves the wrench out of the way of his face completely and winks directly into the camera.

Jaskier hates to admit it, even to himself, but no matter how many times he’s watched that stupid twenty-give second video, that wink drops his heart straight down into his shoes and fills his stomach with butterflies.

---

“Hey do you guys carry fake blood here?” an almost terrifyingly deep voice asks from behind him. Jaskier twirls around on his heel, Retail Smile firmly in place, and loses his shit the moment he sets eyes on his latest customer.

It’s Mr. White Hair.

Here. In the middle of the aisle of the Party City where Jaskier works every weekend. He’s either going to throw up or pass out or both. 

He doesn’t though. Instead, the Demon Lord of Retail possesses his body momentarily and nods, “Right over this way!” He leads the insanely attractive influencer over to the year-round section of Halloween FX makeup and gestures towards the shelf filled with various fake blood capsules, bottles, and packets. 

“Thanks,” Mr. White hair smiles. Jaskier nods again, silent, and drifts back towards the counter in a daze. He’s the only one on shift right now (it is not a very busy Party City) and he knows that he can’t pass out on the dirty tile floor or he’ll get fired (and perhaps tetanus). He just needs to power through the next few minutes and then he can crouch next to the helium tank and freak the fuck out.

But not until Mr. White Hair is gone.

Just as Jaskier is re-learning how to breathe normally, the sexy internet star makes his way towards the counter with an armful of products and the retail worker loses it again. Thank god for the ability to compartmentalize.

“So, just these for you?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“No problem! I love your Tik Toks by the way,” Jaskier replies automatically. His eyes widen slightly. Why the fuck did I mention his Tik Toks!?

“Thanks,” the guy says and blushes. “I didn’t know they’d gotten so popular.”

“You have like two million followers?” Jaskier laughs. “I think that makes you pretty popular. Maybe even famous.”

“Oh yeah...right.” 

“Anyway, your total is going to be twenty-one fifty.”

Mr. White Hair pays and Jaskier bags all his fake blood, wondering the whole time exactly what kind of content he can look forward to seeing. More of Essi’s edgy shit, apparently. As he’s handing the plastic bag over the counter, Jaskier smiles and works up the courage to ask, “Is your hair naturally white? I don’t mean to pry, it’s just really pretty.”

Geralt’s face goes slightly pinker than before and he nods. “Yeah. Weird genetic thing. Thanks.”

“No problem. Right on,” Jaskier beams. “Well, it was nice meeting a famous person. Thanks for stopping in.”

“Thanks for helping me out,” the Tik Tokker replies. Jaskier watches him exit the store before ripping his phone from his pocket and dialing Essi. He needs to talk to her before he spirals into a giddy panic attack.

---

“Hey Jask have you seen that hot guy’s latest Tik Tok?” Priscilla asks, lounging across her futon like a queen. Jaskier looks up from his copy of The Collective History of Aedirnian Funeral Dirges and wrinkles his eyebrows in confusion.

“No, why?”

“You should go check your phone. I think you’ll be happily surprised.”

“Oh-kay,” Jaskier says, drawing out the ‘kay’ for as long as it takes him to get up from his seat on the floor and exit the room. He retrieves his phone from the charger in the kitchen and returns to Priscilla’s bedside. He opens his new favorite app and pulls up @whitehairdontcare’s page. There’s a new POV from earlier this morning and Jaskier taps on it. 

His eyes go round when he reads the caption: “POV: You’re the cute cashier at the Party City and I’m bad at flirting”. 

Mr. White Hair is staring into the camera with those beautifully golden eyes, awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck with his hand while he lip syncs to whatever song is playing. He’s wearing a tight, navy blue v-neck and Jaskier can see the movement of every one of his ridiculously defined muscles as they flex. The silver wolf’s-head necklace Mr. White Hair always wears around his neck is in its usual place, dangling down between those perfect collarbones…

Jaskier takes a shaky breath and glances up at his friends, who are staring back at him with wide eyes. “It could be about anyone.”

“How many Party Cities do you think he went to yesterday?”

“I’m not going to get my hopes up,” Jaskier snorts. “He’s a social media influencer and I am one semester away from finishing my degree and my thesis. Why would he ever want to be with someone like me?”

Essi rolls her eyes and Jaskier goes back to his homework. 

---

Later that night, alone in his room, Jaskier plugs his earbuds into his phone and watches the Tik Tok over and over. He finds the song Geralt used and adds it to his Work Is Tough playlist, which he’s allowed to play over the loudspeakers at the store so long as he’s working a solo shift. 

He watches Mr. White Hair’s plush pink lips move around the words and dreams of kissing them someday, as far-fetched as that scenario is (because this video is definitely not for him, that’s impossible):

“My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.

So won't you kill me, so I die happy.

My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury,

or wear as jewelry; whichever you prefer.”

Fucking Dashboard Confessional. Of course. One of Jaskier’s favorite bands from his emo days in middle school. If this really was for Jaskier, if this really was a legitimate attempt at online flirtation by Mr. White Hair himself, it was working.

 Jaskier buries his head in his pillow and sighs. 

[bubbleteaa]

Break her heart [Miya Atsumu x Reader]

Part I | Part II | Part III

break her heart;; pairing: miya atsumu x reader [college!au] fandom: haikyuu!! warnings: angst. swearing. suggestive themes word count: 3.6Kish

a/n: Istg that this was a rollercoaster, bc i love so much tsumu but samu is the superior miya ok:c sorry, i have a favourite. n weez, i’m thinking in doing a second part! Hope you enjoy this! :c sorry for the angst babies

Summary: Atsumu breaks your heart.

┅┅┅┅┅┅┅༻❁༺┅┅┅┅┅┅┅

He met you two years ago.

You were in a lot of classes with him, except for calculus. “Ah yes, L/N-san does not give calculation, because of her score on the entrance exam and in the courses before the semester began, they exempted her. She is very smart” that was what they said. And he was curious. Were you that good?

The first time he talked about you, was to demonstrate that he could have all the girls without exception at his feet.

"Atsumu, I heard they said you were a total heartbreaker," they told him exactly those words "You have all the girls behind you, right?"

"I don't pay attention to any. It is one night and that's it. If it is very good, we may become recurring, but not so far. It doesn't bother me anyway, I have plenty to choose from" Atsumu knew what he was saying and he was not lying about it, it was the mere truth. The other boys who were with him began to laugh and the blond frowned a little "What's so funny?"

"Well, you don't exactly have all the girls behind you," then one of his classmates spoke up. Miya frowned and asked who "L/N-san"

"The I-know-it-all girl?" they burst out laughing "I don't like wasting my time"

"Ah, but Y/N-chan is very cute"

"And?"

"I'm sure you couldn't make her fall for you, Miya" they replied with a smile on her face "It's impossible to have all the girls at your feet"

"Oh yeah?" the challenging tone that came out of Atsumu's mouth made the others laugh again.

"You say you can?" was what they replied, challenging Tsumu.

"Sure. It is easy."

❥•°❀°•༢

"If it's not yours, don't take it"

The flickering lights in the club seemed to smile at him. He smelled drunk and his ears were vibrating with the catchiest songs of the moment. He shifted through the crowd while holding a red glass filled to the brim with alcohol. His steps were steady but his mind was spinning. The bitter taste of the ridiculously expensive drink still stung on his tongue and his throat burned like hell. His eyes met a figure he did not distinguish, but he was sure he had seen somewhere. Without thinking, he walked towards the person, his eyelids heavy and smiling with great energy.

He had only one purpose in approaching her. He just wanted one thing.

They were at the chorus of the song when his lips connected to the girl. They tasted like mint with vodka. Her mouth cavity was cold, it tasted like sin, craving. Atsumu groaned before separating and finishing his drink, releasing the glass to continue caressing the woman. She laughed as she tangled her fingers in his dyed hair. The setter's hands were placed on the girl's hips, stamping her against the wall that was a few meters from them.

And the truth was, Atsumu did know who the girl was. She was the girlfriend of one of her teammates. He didn't even know her name, he just knew that sometimes she would send him seductive looks at college games and that she was too good to ignore her. Was what he was doing right? Of course not. Atsumu made mistakes but did not regret them. Atsumu deceived others, but it is a world where you deceive or deceive you. Sometimes you go unnoticed and other times you are the big shot. As simple as that.

In his head, he could only think of how the situation went from being cold kisses to groping to a melting ice cube for the summer. Now they were in the cubicle of the men's room. The body of the young woman stuck to him, connected by sweat, by unfaithful kisses, by flavors of whiskey with deceit. With his thoughts found in a numb state, he didn't even notice when he entered her.

I was just horny, he thought. He just wanted to satiate the horny state he was in and didn't think exactly who. Well, he did. With someone who also wanted to be with him. But that someone did not belong to him, and it was not as if he knew him, it was just a carnal deception on his part; but for the other person, it reached all kinds of state. Selfishness, hatred, jealousy. Maybe it was those emotions talking. Perhaps it was the thought that he didn't need someone else and that he had Miya wrapped around his finger.

But boy, was he so wrong.

After that, they were both a mess gasping, trying to get a breath, trying to process what they had done.

"Don't you have a girlfriend, Miya?" Those were the words that came out of the girl's mouth. No, it wasn't like he was in a relationship with you. What's more, what were you? What were you to him? You weren't interested in him and still, everyone assumed you both were together "L/N-san, right?" 

L/N. His L/N. It was stupid to claim it as his property when there was no title for what you were. You were just a girl who was always there for him and he took advantage of your feelings for him. Did he need a favor? He knew you could do it for him. Did he need a place to stay for the night? He knew you would even offer him your bed if he was very tired. Did he need to vent his anger and frustrations with someone? You were there. Did he need love? You were already holding his hand without being asked.

But he never thought those were signs of a love relationship without being in a relationship. He only remembered you for being someone who would always be there for him and with him. He just saw you as an escape. From others and himself.

But no more than that.

"We are nothing. You do not have a boyfriend?" The setter was released in a playful tone. Almost as if he was mocking the girl's actions. She was silent and averted her gaze “Ah, nervous, embarrassed? A few minutes ago you were not ”

"This was a mistake," he said after processing on the girl's situation. He was sorry. Sure. She wanted Miya, but she didn't want to have him. She just wanted to give him a taste. And she regretted it "Do not tell anyone about what happened today"

"It's not like I'm interested anyway" he shrugged his shoulders and smiled "I wasn't unfaithful to anyone after all"

And in part he was right.

But he was partly lying.

They both fixed their clothes before leaving the bathroom. Atsumu immediately felt a fist collide with his cheek.

And then he felt another blow.

And another.

"What the fuck, man!?" Atsumu received one in the stomach but he managed to defend himself. He stared with her brown eyes at the attacker. Ah, it was the partner of the girl, the same boyfriend of the girl he had just fucked.

❥•°❀°•༢

"If it is not right, then do not do it"

Atsumu pulled out his cell phone while wiping the blood from his lip. He took the shit out of him. But he deserved it, deep down he knew he deserved it. He was close to the university dormitory complex. Every step was numb with pain.

He dialed the phone number. The first marked lost. The second one too. He roared angrily and tried one last time.

"Tsumu?" your voice was numb. Atsumu tried to suppress the gasp of pain "Are you alright? It's 3 in the morning"

"Can you open your apartment door for me?"

It was sad, to tell the truth. He and Osamu had not been to the same university and there was no one to take care of the stupid mess Atsumu created every time he walked somewhere or to someone. 

So Y/N was also his for that. So she could clean up his messes. So that she could advise him and take care of him. To have the warmth and personal and sympathetic affection that he missed.

But he was just using her, after all.

"Uh, yeah. You're good? You sound dejected,” you asked with notable concern. Your voice was so soft and loving even when the Miya seemed to have interrupted your sleep. He smiled at your words and let out a sigh.

"I just fought with an idiot. Nothing new"

"What? Are you hurt? Did they hurt you? Do you need me to look for the medkit? Where are you?" God Tsumu, do you need me to pick you up?”

For a moment, Atsumu felt guilty. But it was a moment that lasted years in his head. Your soft voice changed dramatically and now it was racing, almost desperate and breaking as you spoke. Why did you care so much about him? At this point, he didn't even remember how he had finished most of his university experience in your apartment or next to you. He only remembered the times when he had already put you in the same situation, where you were on the verge of crying for his problems.

How you unconsciously told him how hopelessly in love you were with him.

"Shh, I'm fine, doll. I'm almost here, just leave the door open"

"Does it hurt somewhere specific?" your voice seemed to hang by a thread as you asked him. Miya sighed with some pain.

"They hit me in the face and stomach"

He heard how you made a sound similar to a complaint holding back the crying. You were angry and worried. And you had every right to be. Atsumu slightly opened his eyes when you let out a broken sigh to start crying.

"Atsumu, what did you do to get hit?"

What did I do? Nor did he know what he did. He had gotten drunk, had danced with different girls. He had slept with one who was the girlfriend of one of his teammates. Then the boy found out. Atsumu hurt his ego and well, they ended up giving him the beating of the year. And everything, why? Did he really have a reason to do all that? Did his actions make sense?

"I…"

He didn't know what to say, he just kept walking while he got to your apartment.

Even before he could tell her and knock on the door, Y / N already had the door open and the cell phone against her ear. When she looked at him, she felt her heart break into a thousand pieces. His lip was cut and his hair was all messed up, he seemed to move with some difficulty and his face was screaming drunk everywhere.

Atsumu always broke her heart, and she always tried to repair his.

Miya hung up the call so he could get closer to her. The difference in size was noticeable, but not that did not prevent the blonde from collapsing in the arms of the eyed-e/c. Y/N dropped her cell phone and hugged him carefully, tried to keep her balance, but Miya was too heavy, the moment her body collided with the girl's figure, she couldn't avoid two steps back, about to fall.

But she was able to hold it, like all the times he broke into L/N's delicate and soft arms.

Miya's strong arms wrapped around Y/N, pressing her against him, wanting to feel her fragrance closer and closer to him. He held her tightly, but not as tightly as he desire. He just wanted to hold onto her. What she broadcast to him. To the feeling of love.

He wanted to be wanted, not just carnally.

He wanted to feel loved.

"Atsumu?"

He wanted to be from someone.

He wanted to be yours.

The words that came out of her strawberry lips intoxicated him. The way his name sounded in her voice was angelic. The way he stroked her hair, her fingers wrapped in the dyed blonde strands. The way her body trembled from the weight he held on her.

Oh he remembered. He remembered why he did everything he did.

"I need you"

He looked at her eyes. Damn, those color e/c eyes. Those eyes that made him confuse not once, not twice, but thousands of times. Atsumu awkwardly entered the apartment with her. Y/ Nhad her heart leaking out of her mouth.

Miya Atsumu had never said those words to her.

He had never acted like this, had never needed her before. They were just friends. Well, she loved him with all her might and had always been willing to be there for him, no matter the time, distance, or place. But, they were just friends, after all.

His fingers dug into the girl's h/c strands. His face came dangerously close to hers and their breaths collided. Oh Y/N could feel the alcohol emanating from him and it was impossible not to smell it, the nervous eyes of L/N met the brown eyes of Miya, he just looked at her with hunger, with desire, needy. "Atsu?" your voice trembled like a little bird just hatched. "Atsu, you have your lips all cut-" Atsumu smiled before colliding his lips with yours.

So soft. So cute. So, mine.

He held your figure firmly while desecrating your mouth with need. The metallic taste of blood mixed in the first kiss they shared. There were groans from you, trying to keep up with him. Your hands met his neck and you held on to him.

What remained of the night passed into the room.

❥•°❀°•༢

The hangover the next morning was killing him. His head looked like a pool table, and every hit they hit the balls echoed in his brain. He growled angrily as he stroked his temples. The heat of the summer and the rays of the sun seeped through the window of the room. Atsumu blinked to find a smaller figure beside him. A figure he knew. A figure that was always by his side.

Y/N.

Fuck. I have to get the fuck out of here.

Atsumu moved as delicately as he could, removing the blanket that covered them and rising with utmost silence, gathered up his clothes before putting them on. He turned a little to see L/N. Her hair was watered by the pillow and her expression looked so serene that it hurt Atsumu for a moment to leave her there. Alone.

It was just a fuck. Nothing more.

Her breathing became heavy before closing h eyes due to the horrible pain he felt in his body. The headache was throbbing while his abdomen and face felt like a punching bag. He groaned in pain, one loud enough for the girl to open her eyes full of concern.

"Atsu?" no, no, no, fuck. Atsumu didn't turn to see you, instead he grabbed the door handle "Do you need advil?" He could hear you getting out of bed and just closed his eyes tighter. He let out a weary, irritated sigh. "Let me help you, Tsumu. It’s okay” you hugged him from behind, placing your check against his back.

Just treat her like the others. Just break her heart.

"If it's not true, don't say it"

Atsumu grabbed both of your hands and pulled them away from his chest, turning his head slightly to meet your confused and worried gaze.

So tiny. So fragile. So mine…

"I’ll be clear Y/N. I was drunk, I needed a place to stay. Things got heat up and we fucked. That’s all. You don't mean anything more than just another fuck. And of course, you are my friend, that’s why I have to tell you that I don’t feel anything for you” his eyes were glued to hers, without blinking. He could see how the girl's gaze began to collapse and began to fill with sadness and despair. “If you thought that this would mean something, well, now you know that it doesn't. I need to go. Bye, see you around ”

"Don't go, Atsumu" you begged, holding his arm tightly, but your hands trembled with fear, with sadness "Please, don't go" your words dragged with fear as you continued to beg "Did it really mean nothing? You do not love me?"

"Damn, Y/N. No, you can't make me stay" he turned for the first time to meet your face, completely in front of you, you were fighting tears, you were trying to keep your voice from breaking while he kept rejecting you over and over again "I love you" he said softly "But not enough to stay,” he lied, again. He took your face in his hands and felt how your cheeks began to redden and how the tears came out of your eyes and collided with his fingers “What happened yesterday should not have happened. It was a mistake, I was very drunk and you were very sensitive "

"Am I not enough?"

"No" stopped immediately, Atsumu, don't do it like this "I really have to go, Y/N. Let go of me" he sighed again, you tightened your grip, refusing to believe him "Y / N, now, let go of me "wiped your tears as he stared at you" Please "

"All was a lie?" you dared to ask, and immediately a lump formed in your throat.

"What do you mean by all?"

“Us”

"There was never a us. We were never more than teammates, more than friends. If you ever felt like I wanted to be with you, I'm sorry. It is not like this. I repeat it to you again, because apparently you don't understand it” he made you look at him while he brought his face close to yours “I don't feel anything for you, Y/N”

"Atsumu, why ..."

"Y/N!" your eyes filled with terror, he had never raised his voice at you "Stop asking meaningless questions! Is it so difficult for you to understand that I played with you? It was all a damn game!" The boy's head kept pounding from the hangover. Your eyes went to him with a look he had never shown before, disappointment. 

Disappointed in him or in yourself?

"Everything?" your voice was almost inaudible at those points in the conversation.

"Everything, Y/N. All kisses on the forehead, all holding hands, all the walks to your apartment. All those "study dates" that I asked you for. All those movie nights. All the damn sleepovers. All the words I told you that surely excited you. Everything. You were so damn naive. It was so easy and simple. It was all to show others that you could fall at my feet like all the others”

What the fuck are you saying, Atsumu? Stop.

"All the others...?"

"My God, Y/N. To be so smart you have a hard time understanding some things” he smiled with some anger “Yes, Y/N. Like all the others. Like all the ones I fucked with”

Atsumu couldn't hear your heart, but he knew it was already more than broken. He knew he was ruining everything. Everything he had accomplished with you.

It was no longer simply showing that you could fall in love with him. It was no longer that.

It was to show you that he had fallen in love with you, too. But he couldn't say it, he refused to believe it. He refused to break his heart in the process of breaking yours. He had always been selfish, always. Why was it bothering him now? Was he doing the right thing?

You pushed him away from him and started crying uncontrollably. The way your body trembled and your crying intensified as the seconds ticked by was driving him mad, it was hurting him. He stroked her temples again, the headache was growing little by little.

"If you don't know, shut up"

“Don't do anything stupid because of what I did or said. I don't love you as you love me, but that shouldn't break our friendship. So calm down, drink some water and you're done. It’s not that bad”

You didn't answer him for the first time in the morning.

And he left you in there, broken. He knew, he knew what he did. He always lied to you. He knew that he broke your heart so many times and in so many ways.

 When he reached the door of the apartment he could hear your whining accompanied by beatings to what he supposed was your wall and he sighed again, opened the door, and left.

❥•°❀°•༢

Memories of last night appeared on his head while he drank from the whiskey bottle.

"I love you" he murmured in your ear the night before, his strong arms covered your little figure "I love you so damn much, you are mine" he kissed your lips softly before looking into your eyes, "Say it, say that you are mine”

“I’m yours, Atsumu” your voice saying those words were heaven and hell “I love you more” the little smile that crept all over your face was intoxicating, he kissed you again.

“Never forget how much I love you, my angel” I kissed your head before wrapping his arms all over your body “Not even if I fucked up, not even if I lied to you. Not even if I broke you into pieces, please remember that I love you more than I can say, please, Y/N. Please"

You smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Okay. Don’t forget that I’ll always be by your side, you dummy”

"Even if I break your heart?"

"Even if you break my heart"

He smiled again and pressed a sincere kiss on your lips "I'll try to not break your heart, anyway"

"I'll try not to hate you if you do it anyway, then" and both of you laughed.

[yoichichi]

Power Couple Playlist

for my love @ikigaitooru , please enjoy Shawty :)

warning: slight timeskip!oikawa spoilers

Relationship Head cannons 

I am not joking when I tell you you guys would be the definition of a power couple, like the kind where when people see you together they definitely get a little nervous assjjjdjsakaka

The team adoressss you too, like you are constantly clowning Oikawa and he’ll just be there like 🧍‍♂️ while the rest of the team loses their minds

Don’t let him fool you though! Oikawa clowns you just as much as you clown him definition of a petty queen

But also let literally anybody else say something to either of you, y’all just go innn on them (unless it’s Iwaizumi of course)

But as much as you two bully each other, you guys are infatuated with each other like you guys got each other on the brain constantly

IMO you guys definitely started off as flirty bullies, to flirty jackass friends to lovers 😶 (I’ll go more into detail with the playlist ;))

Your relationship definitely gives off summer fling type vibes but it just ,,, never ends lmaoo

You guys are LITERALLY the king and queen of the zodiacs and I feel like Oikawa would bring it up constantly “who cares babe we rule the world, let’s do what we want 😩” headass you cannot tell me he wouldn’t say this shit slightly unironically

Stares at you any chance he can get, he loves it when you’re hanging out with someone and you’re doing most of the talking so he can just watch you (will get embarrassed and sheepish if you notice though)

His favorite is when you’re smiling or laughing really hard and then look at him to talk or wait for his response shit gives him butterflies every time

Totally the type to wipe your face with a napkin if you guys are out and you got something on it and then just smile at you like 😊 got it

OKok i dont know much about smoking but he’d DEFINITELY be the giggly type probably horny too but you didn’t hear that from me

Boasts about you literally all the time whenever he gets the chance pls, whenever he gets interviewed at his games in Argentina he relentlessly finds ways to bring you up

Definitely let’s you do his makeup, no questions asked

Sometimes you’re aggressive and chaotic and it scares but also excites him in the best way

OKOK Playlist time!!

(the title is a joke pls don’t come for me asjfkdllsjs)

I kind of made this playlist as a soundtrack to your guys’ relationship and did my best to have it align with your music taste even though I feel like I did horrible job of that 

I really hope you enjoy it and if you need me to change anything please tell me!!

1. Song for Me - Greer: Ok here we go, friends to lovers gang!! Y’all definitely trying to deny it, but you’re catching stupid feeligs stupid fast. He can really talk to you about these big dreams and you just listen and talk with him so intently that it makes him feel something he can’t explain at first it’s called romantic feelings dumby. And hearing him talk about his dreams with you and just really want to talk with you really makes you so happy; and you can’t help but imagine getting to be by his side with him while he does this and- hold on, did you really just think that? Yeah cue 2:37 of the song 

2. This Side of Paradise - Coyote Theory: Yeah, so you guys mutally realize that you like each other and do NOT know what to do. You guys kind of start to dance around it and aren’t sure what signs are real or made up lmaooo. You’re both so playfully flirty it’s like 😏 ahahahah.. 👀👀 bimboz anywayyy cue the side glances from Oikawa and his relentless staring as he slowly falls more and more for you

3. Heavenly - Cigarettes After Sex: UGH DID SOMEONE SAY MUTUAL PINING, pls I feel like this would go on for a fair bit with Oikawa, he’s so dramatic. This song is just the definition of you two just wanting each other. And the fact he’s so nervous to screw it up with you just makes him more nervous cause he’s like oh shit, I really like her. Iwaizumi talks it through with him though knocks some sense into him “If she’s so great why wait until someone else recognizes that and want’s her all to themselves? As a matter of fact I’m sure-” “IWA PLEASE I GET IT” literally runs to your house out of breath after practice to confess to you assjfjdkkd

4. Violet - Hippo Campus: Ok so you guys are definitely together now, and this song just reminds Oikawa of you so hard. It played on his way home from your first date and now he just completely associates with you. Sometimes if he’s feeling extra nervous before a game he’ll listen to it and immediately feel better, it’s like your theme song for you in his mind right now, not that he would tell you that. Whenever he see’s you in the stands at his games this song is like a backtrack in his mind and it just gets him so extra pumped them serves are definitely extra terrifying

5. Michelle - Sir Chloe: Ok we’re gonna get a teensy bit angsty in here 😶 this song is definitely about Oikawa. He’s just so perfect and you hate it, you can’t help but start to love him and it’s so frustrating? He’s just gonna ruin you and you know it. You wanna try to fight falling in love with him so bad but you know there’s just no way that’s gonna happen. It’s like, who are you to be falling for him? It’s intimidating to fall in love with someone you can’t help but see as literally so perfect, knowing practically everyone wants him. He would obliterate you if he heard you think this way but who has to know

6. Sweet - Cigarettes After Sex: This is it, this is the song Oikawa realizes he’s in love with you to. Not just loves you but like in love with you. It starts playing in his headphones while he’s on a run and it makes his heart stop. He just can’t stop thinking of you alongside every lyric (1:45-1:53? Oh yeah) and it makes him so soft; while also scaring the absolute shit out of him. He’s just so in love with you.

7. I Love You - The Post Nobles: OK IM SORRY A LITTLE WITTLE BIT OF ANGST! I do see falling in love scary period, and I do feel like it would kind of scare Oikawa for a second, like he’d really have to sit with his thoughts for a second and be like?? I love this girl? Oh god what if I mess it up? What if I lose her? What would I do? What if she doesn’t love me back? It would just be so much easier if I didn’t love her. So this song is more to himself like, fr my guy?? You love this chick? Wanna take it back? Nope. He can’t believe it but he’s in love with you and has no choice about it, it’s scary but he would let you ruin his life and he ultimately wouldn’t want it any other way. 

8. Pretty Boy - The Neighbourhood: I mean c’mon, this SCREAMS falling for Oikawa vibes. But it’s kind of like your song to each other like fuck it, we’re in love and we can’t do a damn thing about it. ~acceptance

9. Hot Faced - Margaux: I don’t know how to explain it but this is definitely you and Oikawa?? (”King” C’mon now 🙄) I have a feeling people are easily intimidated by you (you look like someone I’d be scared to talk to you) and Oikawa is so charming and inviting, like everyone loves him. So I’m sure there’s people who are like 🧍‍♀️ she’s intense, how’d he just get her like that? And she got him? Power Couple

10. Driving - Donna Missal: Honestly, this is totally just a ~vibe time song for the two of you :)

11. Burning Pile - Mother Mother: Ok TELL me you two wouldn’t blast this song, singing your lungs out together when someone’s had a bad day or is particularly stressed out? Definitely becomes somewhat of a ritual between you two 🖤 you guys are so cute I love you

12. Sunrise - Kevitch: This song is just the definition of your guy’s infatuation and love for each other. People are definitely jealous of you two cause it’s just so obvious on your faces you love each other. 

13. The Girl - City and Colour: Don’t hate me - slight Oikawa angst 🧍‍♀️ It’s Oikawa, he’s angsty. I strongly HC he’ll just never feel quite good enough for his s/o. He just feels like he’s dragging you around so he can chase his dreams and he hates how selfish he feels for doing that to you, but he just couldn’t imagine loving anyone but you. He has these big dreams of becoming a professional volleyball player, and even when he makes it to Argentina with you he feels like he constantly needs to do better for you and just loves you so much it hurts, and he just hopes that that’s enough for you :( 

14.  Cover Me in Roses - Holden Laurence: Intimate much?? Oikawa would most definitely make you slow dance to this song with him. It plays in his head if he wakes up before you, or if you fall asleep before him, all while he just can’t help but look at you and feel so so soft while he caresses your face and just thinks: this is it, this is all I need to make it through anything.

15. I Wanna go to the Beach - Algernon Cadwallader: Did someone say laughing and dancing in the hot night air or Argentina in nothing but your underwear inside your house with all the windows open? Cause that’s what I heard.

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OKOK THAT’S IT BABES, I really hope you liked it, pls tell me if you’d like any changes.

And if anyone else see’s this I’d be more than happy to do this for you, too! Just send an ask with your music taste, tell me about yourself (a fair amount pls lmaooo) and whether or not you want someone or want me to pair you up! (haikyuu only please!)

[toss-a-coin-to-your-bard]

made up fic title: a song about pirates

oh so many possibilities and so little space to bring them to light! I choose Geraskier for this but the sky is the limit (Jeskel or Lamden or Yenn/geraskier or idk)

Is it the good ol' pirate!AU in which Jaskier ends up on a pirate ship under Vesemir, The Direwolf, and the fic is a song itself because Jaskier's life work is singing praises about the White Wolf and his pack and they were shipmates omg they were shipmates?

Is it a Modern!AU with Jaskier as the Indie/Folk/Alternative Rock singer who gets a gig at the bar Geralt and his brothers meet up for drinks and on one particular Friday night Geralt hears Jaskiers voice sing a song about pirates and he looks up to the corner of the room to be gutted by the feels - call him horny and in love lmao but why a song about stupid pirates?? (Jask wrote it cause the first time he saw Eskels and his scars in the audience his knee-jerk reaction was fear and yet, the same night Eskel was brought to tears by one of Jaskiers songs so he vowed to write a sweet and silly song for him... T.T I made myself sad, sweethearts, ABORT MISSION) this would make a beautiful songfic btw if I could write solid lyrics myself I would do it cause hoo boi I am a Lil big romantic atm something something your scars are the letters mapping your survival and I will hold them dearly for i can lovingly follow them to your heart something something

Is it an in-universaI au? Where Geralt goes after Ciri and then travels to the coast with her cause he needs a Plan B and Jaskier was his standard plan B-X so he has to improvise? (by doing what Jaskier would have done with him, oh my sweet summer idiot) And they hear about how a bard has gone missing and Ciri wants to help after she learns it was Jaskier, her birthday party bard and GEraltS OwN PersOnAL BaRd of OVer 20 YEaRs, I know you're my father now but what in the actual fuck, dad? How could you not tell me about how your best friend is the kidnapped bard which means it's my fault that he's tortured right now?! Cue rescue mission and meet-up with Lamden cause I want Ciri to meet Alive Aiden and a #happyLambert and slow recovery of physical and emotional wounds on all fronts. Aiden and Jask are two little shits together and the song about pirates is for the cat, as he made Jaskiers recovery possible with his outlook on life and tenacity to get Jask back on track. And it's also for Ciri cause she thrives on helping them prank the wolves and loves pirate stories. Are all three singing the song together and Aiden learns to play it on the lute? Is Jaskier unable to sing ever again so the other two sing while he plays?? The song would be very bittersweet in this AU and Geralt would cry hot, hot tears with me...

thank you for indulging me, dear heart! this was so much fun <333

[popculturebuffet]

The Legend of the Three Caballeros: Dope-A-Cabana Review (Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

Salduos Amigos! Since i’m covering a full series, i’d like to welcome any newcomers to the first part of the epic final stretch of THE RIDE OF THE THREE CABLLEROS! For those of you just joining us, a few months back WeirdKev27, easily my biggest supporter as the only one who comissions any reviews from me, asked if I could do a big project for him: a comission of EVERY major american apperance of those three happy chappies in matching serapes. Give i’ve ALWAYS loved the boys ever since house of mouse and had been sitting on Legend of the Three Cablleros for far too long, more on that in a minute obviously, I happily agreed. Plus the rather nice influx of cash from the comissions was very welcome. If your intrested in comissioning your own, hit me up via my direct messages. It’s 5 dolalrs an episode, though I do do discounts on orders of 3 or more, and 10 for a movie, with again discounts for orders of more than one. And yes that plug was very shamless, but again I have no other job than this.  Back to the point these reviews have taken me on a wonderful journey: I got to rewatch the movie and revel in the fun songs, acid trips and super horny Donald Duck, got to both revisit one of Don Rosa’s best story and read another all time classic from the man I hadn’t before, took a trip back to the house of mouse to hear some great songs and see some great cartoons.. and some not so great ones, took a small detour to Mickey and The Roadster Racers to be baffled and annoyed though I am proud to say it was my first review back after I came down with Cornovirus and lost a week of work time. And finally I covered the town where everyone was nice, and got to see the boys have a joyous reunion with Donald and be lushly animated while.. Dewey jackassed around in a B-Plot and Webby resisted the urge to throat chop him. It’s been a long ride and you can find all of it is so far RIGHT HERE IN THIS CONVIENT LINK ! CLICK IT NOW IF YOUR CURIOUS. Point is while this was well paid for.. it’s easily one of the projects i’ve been most proud of and while i’m sad to see it winding down, i’m proud of what i’ve done so far, and I just wanted to heartily thank Kevin for the ride and for being so generious as to fund the whole damn thing. Your a good dude man. 

Which brings us here, to the grand finale. The Legend of the Three Caballeros! As the boys first starring roll as a group since the movie, there was really no other way this retrospective could end, and since I have a terrible problem with procastination and really hated this series version of daisy I just kept pushing back watching the series until now. I’m not proud of it but I am happy to correct it and hope you’ll all come along with me.  Before we get started I could not find much background on the show. It was directred by Matt Danner who was the character designer for the utter classic Xiaoilin Showdown and currently works on the Muppet Babies reboot, so i’m happy he’s still getting work. Otherwise I couldn’t find much. The most I could was on tv tropes, claming the series was orignally meant for Netflix.. and while I have no proof and this could easily be conjecture.. i’m inclined to belivie it. The series was apparently done long before the Ducktales reboot, to the point Frank Angrones was only vaguely aware of it and it didn’t even remotely impact the series, with Panchito and Jose only debuting in Season 2 because the original idea for bringing them in was scrapped. So while I don’t have proof.. I’m inclined to belivie it since it makes sense: Disney DID have a healthy relationship with Netflix once, setting up the MCU shows and likely being happy there.. but eventually they wanted their own corner of the sky, and likely didn’t want one of their shows bolted to the network like all their marvel shows were.  The problem this created though is Disney was CLEARLY left with a show they no longer had a place for. But even with that the show was still done, they COULD have put it on the Disney Now app or just aired it on the Disney Channel. See if there was any fan intrest in season 2 or throw one into production to at least beef up the episode count. I mean the Cabs have a built in fanbase, kids would likely love it... it’s the logical choice. But this is Disney. They’ve had to be drug kicking and screaming into representation, to the point they had to be fought for the gay romance subplot in owl house to happen, try to hide that the Sparkshort “Out” is about a gay man struggling with coming out despite having you know reams of content on the service with either gay subtext or out and out gay characters, and their attempts at doing representatoin to score points in other little ways.. have been pathetic, easily missable bits in movies that could , and have been, edited out in more homophobic countries. My point is yeah i’m still sore about how they and a LOT of the animation industry have to be dragged into doing the right thing over profit, and they often make very stupid decisions for seemingly no reason. They are a good company a good chunk of the time.. but Disney has done fucked up quite a bit. This is one of those times.  Instead they dumped the show on the Disney Life app in the phillipines and slowly some other countries, basically the Disney Now equilvent over there, and then just sort of forgot about it until Disney Plus launched. And given how many shows they HAVEN’T put on the streamer for again, seemingly no reason, it is a nice suprise the show finally got a release on there in the US. But before that, and proving what a massive mistake just abandoing the show was, the show did gather a massive fanbase via people uploading the episodes online. So yeah the show was treated REALLY shittily for stupid reasons, but thankfully it still has a fanbase to this day and said shabby treatment, as it always does, just encouraged fans to support it harder. So naturally i’m more than happy to give the series some spotlight as fanbase or no, it badly needs it and Disney sure as hell dosen’t want to do it. So if somebody’s gotta do it, might as well be me. This is the Legend of the Three Cablleros.  We open on some narration from Xandra, Goddess of Adventure. Granted she hasn’t been identified yet, and won’t be till next episode.. buuuut it’s easier on me to not have to dance around her name so your learning it now. But Xandra narrates that long ago there were epic battles against the good and the evil and all that by epic heroes, and it’s all cumilated in the Legend of the Three Cablleros. Post title drop we’re treated to the boys, in cool looking armor and with neat weapons, fighting a purple monster man as you do in an really beautiful and epic sequence As this scene illustrates the animation for this show is GORGEOUS, a lavish update of the standard disney style with nice use of shadows. It feels almost film quality in it’s work, and it’s an utter treat to watch and opening at the end was a good call: it both ratchets up excitement and allows the first ep to have some action since this one, as part of a two part premiere, is mostly setup. It’s eyecatching, exciting and makes you want to know what the hell is going on. And since Xandra realizes MAYBE starting the story at the climax was a bad idea, she takes us back a bit.

Okay maybe not that far. No we open properly at Donald’s house, where it’s his birthday! And like the movie, it’s Friday the 13th, an excellent call back. Donald’s making his breakfast, boliling some tea and.. talking with the weird foced warped refelection in the kettle who can apparently only say “right back at you handsome, wink”. Seriously I have so many questoins and all of them are about what this guy is, why is Donald so calm about all of this, and is he still alive after Donald destroys his tea kettle later.  Donaldo gets a call from Daisy, whose visting to spend the day with him and is waiting patiently int he bad part of town. I didn’t know Duckburg had a bad part of town but given Glomgold has to get his sharks and bombs somewhere, i’m not surprised. Unless he special orders them, but even then what if he needs a shark or a bomb in a hurry? He’s gotta get them somewhere and now we know where. So there’s that. So all’s going well until Donald’s asshole boss calls and forces him to come in despite Donald having the fucking day off and it presumably being on the schedule. So Donald rushes to work, and we do get some great gags but as you’d expect for Donald it goes poorly and he botches a kid’s haircut despite the mother being very rude.. and also a female version of pete. LIke.. did he remarry after the divorce from peg or is that his sister? Does that mean PJ and PIstol have a cousin I never knew about? I want answers dammit.. and picutures of spider-man. Not for any slander job I just really like spider-man. 

Eh it’ll do.As i’m doing a full series this time i’m stopping to talk about the main cast as we go soooo.... Tony Anselmo is naturally Donald, even pitching in to consult the crew on Donald’s characterization here, as really what better expert is there? He’s voiced Donald since the original Ducktales and has stuck with the roll since, only taking a break for Mickey and the Roadster racers and that’s likely because between finishing up this series and the Mickey Mouse shorts, and moving on to Ducktales 2017, he likely simply didn’t have the time for it. Granted given how little he was used in the first season of the show, he probably still could’ve done it but regardless, he’s a legend.  Daisy is voiced by Tress Macneile, who not only has voiced the character since House of Mouse and is easily the best voice for her, but is also one of the most storied and legendary va’s in the buisness, having been at this since the 80′s with zero signs of stopping. Just to name a few of her more notable roles, in chronological order; Gadget Hackenwrench, Babs Bunny, Agnes Skinner, Charlotte Pickles, Dot Warner (Which as of last year she’s picked up again and will do the same for Babs, just in case you thought i was exagerating on the “zero signs of stopping” thing), Pookie from Hey Arnold, Mom, Hoodsey Bishop, and Queen Oona among MANY, MANY smaller rolls. I didn’t even realize Charlotte or Hodsey were here, she’s that talented and deserves all the praise.. and way better rolls as Daisy than this one but we’ll both get to that and thankfully much like with Tony, the reboot’s giving her character some depth to work with so she gets to reallys tretch her chops. The woman turns 70 here, will likely keep going until she dies, and is wonderful and deserves more respect. 

 So because this is Donald, life wont’ stop punching him in the face and it turns out his house burned down, the fire people are destroying everything because their assholes, seriously they destroy both a family heirloom and a picture of his parents despite not being on fire. I’d be genuinely suprised if their general strategy wasn’t scremaing “fire, fire fire” and then going “rock rock rock” while they throw rocks on it. Super brucey bonus prize for the first person who gets that refrence and comments on it. I’ll get back to this in a second but SOMEHOW, beisdes loosing his home, all his possesions and his job... it gets even WORSE and Daisy calls, refuses to listen to him despite him having VERY valid excuses and breaks up with him. Oh and then the fire fighters gladly talk about going home to their in tact houses  and partners. 

So yeah let’s talk about this. This first 6 or 7 minutes.. is why I didn’t return to the show for a while. My brain has a bad habit of glomming onto certain parts of things, so it remembered the rough to sit through and not very funny first act.. and not the rest of the episode which is very good and likely more indiciative about how good the series is. Thankfully it does get better but this first act .. frames things like it’s DONALD’S fault somehow. I mean yes he did burn his house down.. but even that really isn’t his fault. He was called away suddenly, wasn’t thinking and made a mistake. Hell he proabably woudl’ve had more left if the fire department hadn’t gone crazy with the axes. His being called into work? He took the day off, and his boss was just a dick. His screwing up at the job? he was genuinely trying his best and doing his best and the client was just wholly unresonable. Donald did nothing wrong but the episode WANTS to frame him like some sort of screwup.. which he is, it’s Donald.. but not in this case. It was just a string of uncomfortable to watch bad luck that cumilates in him having nothing left. It’s not funny, it’s jsust really sad and it’s REALLY hard to tell the tone their going for as they seem to awkwardly bounce from jokes to Donald being utterly devistated and alone. 

And the worst of this.. is Daisy. Daisy is EASILY the most infamous part of the show, as their portryal.. is pretty bad and apparently gets worse. We’ll see as we go but yeah.. her screaming at and breaking up with her boyfriend without listneing to his side and giving the claim we only have HER word on that he’s always screwing up, ON HIS BIRTHDAY no less, when he’s done nothing wrong, does not make a good first impression nor the fact the show seems to AGREE WITH HER. And look Donald is a trainwreck, this is true.. but the show dosen’t remotely portray him as one until AFTER this scene. As I said nothing that happened was his fault. Donald isn’t irresponsible or a screwup or dating a high schooler or anything. He isn’t Scott Pilgrim. He just has really bad luck. Again, we do see some foibles in the scenes to come.. but we don’t see any that would justify her claims, especially since she seemed perfectly happy earlier with him. Now if she’d say brought up some screwups in the first scene, and gently at that, then this would’ve worked.. but as it stands she just comes off as MASSIVELY unsymapthetic.. especially since Donald later calls her nieces over for help, which is objectively weird not gonna lie.. so she now KNOWS he had to move to a new house and his likely burned down.. yet still apparently has nothing good to say about him. 

It didn’t help this rubbed me the wrong way in a very special way. As i’ve made plain before I don’t like THIS version of Daisy, the nagging, selfish, vindictive asshole who will gladly try and cheat on donald, dump him at a moments notice and you know PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE. Which just in case you think i’m exagerating...

She fucking upercutted him..and like here for something that isn’t his fault. I mean this Daisy isn’t physically beating Donald.. but that’s a VERY low bar to clear. And emotional abuse is just as bad, so there. My point is too often in the comics when written poorly, Daisy is a pretty terrible person and I REALLY didn’t want a screen adaptation of this form of Daisy. It took a WHILE to recover from not liking daisy over this version, with help from remembering house of mouse, some good barks story with her and the AMAZING Ducktales version and the suprisingly good Quack Pack version.. I did. But yeah.. this is not a good sign of things to come for the character in this show. 

So yeah Donald’s heart is in the basement and his week is at an all time low when a post man shows up and gives him a letter.. well puts it in the box for a good gag but semantics. But the letter turns around as his ancestor Clinton Coot left him an inhertance for his 3Xth birthday: a house of some kind in the swanky neighboring town of New Quackmore. And i’ll also say.. it’s REALLY nice that for once, we focus on the Duck side of Donald’s legacy, or rather the coot but semantics, instead of the McDuck part. Don’t get me wrong, I fucking love the clanmcduck, always will and I love Ducktales exploration of it.. but it’s still nice to acknowledge Donald comes from two sides and while one of those may be humble farmers, they still accomplished a lot, including founding Duckburg in most continuities including presumably this one. It’s also a good way to seperate thigns from other properties including the reboot: focusing on a part of Donald’s lineage that isn’t usually touched on and making THEM just as badass as the other side. 

So we get a quick montage as Donald takes a cab there and takes in the rich and fancy sights. It’s also a brilliant way to set up New Quackmore and it’s attached instutite as a fancy, upperclass place.. and thus perfectly clash it with Donald. Donald ends up getting dropped off at a big mansion.. which is not his , but belongs to the insittutes head, Baron Von Sheldgoose, played by WAYNE KNIGHT. 

Hell. Yes. I freaking love Wayne Knight. In case you don’t know who the man above is, or at least don’t recognize his face, Wayne Knight is a very funny and talented actor and voice actor with a lengthy career primarily in side rolls, with the rolls that he broke out with being loveable asshole and Jerry’s enternal nemisis Newman on Seinfeld and Dennis Nedry, aka “that guy who got sprayed acid in his face by those horrifying frilled dinosaurs that will never not haunt my nightmares”. Seriously that scene fucked me up as a kid and I could not watch that part of the movie. For the most part he’s been a side character man but he has done a LOT of voice work, most notable Zurg in Buzz Lightyear of Star Command, Dojo for the aformentioned and excellent Xiaolin Showdown, and Mr. Blik for Catscratch and I wish he’d do more. He also recently voiced the penguin in Harley Quin so when I get to that you better belivie i’m looking forward to it. Point is while he may not always get the glory, and had to settle for starring in a mediocre tv land sitcom to get a steady paycheck once, the man is VERY talented, very funny and perfectly cast here. 

So Donald makes himself home, finds out it’s not HIS home and gets thrown out by the snooty rich asshole’s bodyguards. As you’d expect. Donald does find HIS home, a run down cabana next door to the mansion with caution tape all over. Still Donald takes it best he can as it’s better than no home at all> What he doesn’t take well is finding out from the executor of the will that he’s not the only one inheriting the house... which is  absolutley fair. The guy just had the worst day of his life, and this lady didn’t bother to put in the letter to any of them that they were sharing the house. The Sheldgoose thing was just an average Donald screw up. This is just this lady going...

But yes we meet our boys.. and the introductions are naturally given this series is about them the best we’ve gotten so far: Jose is thrown off a bus, having ran out of fair, and having wooed all the ladies on board, and quickly charms the executor and is perfectly cordial to Donald, while Panchito parachutes out of a plane and marvels at how he went from nothing to having two new best friends, a run down shack and a sleezy lawyer! In short the two make a great first impression, helped by wonderful casting.  Jose is voiced by Eric Bauza, a talented voice actor whose had WAY too many roles to list here, but two of the most notable are being the current voice of Bugs and Daffy, and his most notable role outside that recently has been playing Splinter in Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But the guy is endlessly talented, seems really nice, and is easily one of my faviorite Jose’s so far after just one episode. He just.. gets the character perfectly and is thankfully NOT another white guy stepping into the role, so that’s nice. He easily oozes the charm and layabout nature Jose and was a natural in the role and i hope he gets to take it up again at some point.  Speaking of naturals we have Jamie Camil as Panchito, who easily steps into the guys boundless energy and the sterotpical bits are swapped out for making him a cloud cuckoolander instead, which I genuinely love and fits the character perfectly. He’s best known for CW Soap Jane the Virgin, where his charcter Rodrigo just sounds like a delight, but has recently picked up a pretty good voice acting career, vocing Don Karnage in the Ducktales reboot, Globgor in Star vs the Forces of Evil and Todd’s Stepdad George in Bojack Horseman. I only hope he gets more voice work as he’s really damn great at it and it’s wonderful to get to see him in a role that’s not limited to a few episodes at best for a change. 

So Donald’s less than happy about this, again it’s hard to really be that mad at him when he’s had a really, REALLY bad day and wasn’t told about this, but it’s kept to just the light level of grumpy as to not make him unlikeable. Granted after that intro it’d take a LOT to make him unsympathetic, but after their version of Daisy I really dont’ want to test this series.  Our boys also find out they have a groundskeeper, ari, aka THE ARCUAN BIRD! He’s just a delight any time he pops up, doing his usual “ya ta ta ta” bit, and being adorable and hilarioius as always.. and also hilariously failing to fix the boys door. So Donald ends up just accepting he has roomates now, nothing he can do, and the three explore the house finding all sorts of cool old artifacts, feeling they’ve stumbled onto something specail. And you know what that means: YARD SALE! Seriously it feels like a bit out of Wet Hot American Summer or Stella, a  series from the same creators you really should check out and that is high praise, trust me. 

I wish this series was streaming somewhere.. I mean we finally got Clone HIgh streaming Viacom, get on that. Anyways, it’s just.. fucking hilarious, and a LOT of this episode is once we walk back from the writers kicking donald in the junk and acting like it was his fault. Once Donald gets his inhertiance, the episode picks up immensley and we see the shows real charm and hilarirty fly, with jokes coming at a rapid and wonderful pace. The show really did impress me with the second half and made me utterly excited for tommrow.. or I guess today’s, look at the follow up.  But we’re still in this episode and being a rich asshole, Sheldgoose isn’t happy about a yard sale, though given this series standards, we not only get some great deliveres from Knight of an outraged “A YARD SALE?!”... but a wonderful gag where Sheldgoose out to white guy it up and yell at them over this..accidently takes a wrong turn in his massive house, and turns around, not loosing how upset he is once.  Meanwhile, we meet.. April, May and June. Yeah apparnetly Della isn’t dead or lost in this continuity, so the boys are MIA, and are instead replaced by Daisy’s Nieces, who I hope show up in the reboot before it ends. Especially since the show makes them WAY more tolerable than classic huey dewey and louie and instead enjoyable like Ducktales HDL. While not as indvidual as those three, the three are still idendtical outside of outfits, their voice actress Jessica DiCicco uses her consderiable talents and experince to give each one a unique voice, so while they all share a voice actress, none of them sound alike. And to round out our main cast for now, as our last members will be joining us fully next time, let’s talke about Jessica DiCicco. Jessica is a very talented and increasingly prolific voice actor and if you haven’t heard of her, and you probably have, you’ve defintely heard her voice. Starting out with Disney, hence why the probably called on her for this, she did the voices of Maggie for the Buzz on Maggie and Melina for Emperor’s New School before breaking out as Flame Princess on Adventure Time, whose both one of my faviorite characters from the show and one we’ll be digging into starting next month. And not one to rest easily she picked up a second set of iconic rolls vocing Lynn and Lucy Loud on The Loud HOuse, and funnily enough using those voices for two of the girls here. And along with Loud House she’s also currently starring in it’s Pony and is int he main cast of Close Enough as Candace. My point is she’s exceedingly talented.. as is this whole cast, as it’s a DAMN excellent cast and just further sells that this series deserves better.  We’ll get into the girls more next time as they don’t do much here other than get called in by Donald for help, with what I saw of episode 2 fleshing them out more. Point is Sheldgoose offers a million dollars for the cabana and all it’s stuff and the boys are glad to sell.. they just have to find something Sheldgoose desperately wants, a mysterious golden atlas encrusted with Jewels.  Our heroes head in to find it with Panchito finding it, and being very specific about it. We also get a nice call back to Ari destroying the door as Jose cleverly calls on him to destroy the lock. So our heroes open the book... and a goddess pops out and threatens to kill them all. 

Final Thoughts: Dope-A-Cabana is a decent intro the series, but as i’ve said it’s heavily hampered by a weak and mean spirited first act. But once it gets going it REALLY gets going and as part 1 one of a two part pilot, it does it’s job well once it does get going: introducing our three boys and one of our antagonists well and setting up the side cast and preparing for our last to major additions Next Time: The Boys go on their first adventure, Sheldgoose finds a boss and the girls find their voice. Thanks for Reading, Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye.