#i love this sandbox.
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eddiegettingshot · 4 months ago
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it's so good for Eddie and it's sooooooo bad for Buck. SOOOOO bad. because not only is it like. well. buck has never successfully been friends with any of the people he slept with. he tried with taylor and a) sucked at the friends part and b) ended up dating her anyway so whatever so literally his only experiences of sleeping with people are like. well they end up leaving one way or another!!!! so in that sense seeing Eddie do it so easily and flawlessly is like. FUCK.
but also at the same time Eddie having new friends???? new friends who are giving something that Buck ISN'T????? oh he's losing it....he cannot handle this AT ALL.....he is slowly breaking down and he does that thing where he gets overinvolved and he's like well eddie are you SUUUUUURE you dont have feelings for these people i mean you slept with them are you SUREEEEE it's just friendship I think you like them actually i think maybe you have feelings for them and eddie is like no, actually, we're really just friends :) and for some reason. to buck. that is WORSE
and the thing is that like. it kills buck on every level. this is the kind of casual sex he’s never ever been able to have but has always convinced himself he’s capable of having so seeing it play out like this is shaking him to the core as someone who really put a lot of stock in being Buck 1.0 once upon a time. but then also it’s specifically eddie who’s doing it, so even though in theory of course buck understands being Friends With Benefits, or being friends who experienced benefits once upon a time (like with taylor…….) now he needs to reorient his Image of Eddie and… worse… the things that this new-Eddie finds acceptable. such as. being friends with people he sleeps with. or sleeping with his friends. he does both. so then beyond that it’s like he is living in a perpetual 7x04 nightmare but it’s not muay thai it’s literally sex. which he can’t give eddie………….. because eddie doesn’t want him, he doesn’t want BUCK, even though he’s clearly perfectly capable of wanting his other friends. So therein lies buck’s ultimate problem. which he cannot actually face. he can’t accept that eddie does not want him in all the ways ever and he also can’t accept that he wants to be everything for eddie in a really deranged way.
and then there’s also the matter of like, it’s always been easy to ignore the existence of eddie’s significant others but his friends? eddie is perfectly happy talking about his friends. so buck can’t even escape. he’s in some kind of torture chamber he never even dreamed of. eddie’s inviting him to hang out because eddie always wants to hang out with buck but. now buck is feeling really inappropriate things. like jealousy and. CURIOSITY. he wants to study eddie under a microscope. he wants to know the exact shape of eddie’s other friendships which he’s convinced cannot be real friendships, although he knows that people tend to like eddie, generally. he just somehow never thought that that reality would coalesce with what he also believes is a fundamental truth of the universe: that everyone thinks eddie is really, really hot :(
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hinamie · 7 months ago
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Yuuji: Bye, im going to the fire nation!
Sukuna: Not dressed like you aren't.
Proceeds to give Yuuji a boob window in his clothes
ngl anon i took this bit way too seriously n got carried away thinking abt what yuuji's fire nation alternate fit would look like ,, then after figuring it out I thought well now I /have/ to draw air as well ....
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jjk atla!au with @philosophiums
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 8 months ago
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ISAT & Dungeon Meshi swap!
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redbean-nom · 7 months ago
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Cadets
(aka trash children, chaos children, and children who understand 98 is getting graded on this)
Inspired by @thefoundationproject! Closeups under the cut:
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jesse got this pic from jangotat:
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dennisboobs · 16 days ago
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:) i certainly have no issue dressing in drag :)
^guy who has no issue dressing in drag btw
glenn said that dennis' drag name is victoria von hemen btw
(Source)
#glenn howerton#guy who should get to dress in drag#im just. ill never be over the fact that glenn wrote Two episodes in season 3 that involve dennis doing drag#i know he doesn't really want to write for the show but there's something so special abt how early sunny was an actor's sandbox#esp hearing glenn talk abt how den is like. an outlet for him and a way to play around with shit he would never do for one reason or anothe#my point being that i think its been a while since he was able to utilize dennis again in that way#but 16 was a definite change. especially with dtamhd it feels like dennis is becoming more glenn again. like he was in the early days#theres a pretty good stretch of the show once it got into the double digits that feels like den was. co-opted.#but like i wonder how it feels to explore sexuality and gender via your character#it must be similar to doing that through fandom and OCs but there's a whole other layer to it here#esp when its not Just being presented as comedic as it was in past seasons. like dennis is Actually queer and this is a normal plot point#its not the punchline like den's femininity often is its literally just part of what makes him able to help mac and dee#id argue we've gotten this in the form of. dennis doing dee's makeup and shit. but#anyway. glenn. now that you have two of your former writing assistants in that writers room i hope you get to do drag again 💀#its been 16 years. show us the new and improved victoria.#i honestly can't imagine pitching something like that to a room of people Without some sort of comedic twist but#man.#ada speaks#iasip#it's always sunny in philadelphia#rcg#i won't ever forget the way he lit up talking abt queer dennis jhksvfjhksvdfgjhkds#love u king...... i hope you get something in s17 that you Certainly Don't Mind
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tomatoart · 4 months ago
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beach episode 🦇🪼
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theartingace · 7 months ago
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I just had to jump on an excuse to draw such a fabulous John design for @mx-paisley DTIYS and had an absolute BLAST playing with the colored lines and such to emulate the gorgeous OG design! Thanks for making such a fun dtiys! 💛
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bakudekublogblog · 8 months ago
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talking to normal people about mha is always so enlightening because someone told me they didn't like season six and i was like???? THE BIBLE??????? YOU DONT LIKE THE BIBLE??? BAKUGOU KATSUKI RISING?? THE APOLOGY??? THE CHASING AFTER HIM TO FIGHT SHIGARAKI, THE REVEAL KATSUKI HAS BEEN WORRIED ABOUT IZUKU, IZUKU'S FERAL RAGE WHEN KATSUKI IS STABBED, KATSUKI BEING THE ONE TO FIND IZUKU AND THEN THE ONE TO BRING HIM HOME??? YOU DONT ENJOY THE SACRED TEXTS?? and then i'm like oh right not everyone is a fujoshi high on that sweet, sweet bkdk yaoi
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bsptourist · 8 months ago
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gm_hostiletakeover
created by depwsdmonk
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necrotic-nephilim · 4 months ago
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@profandomhopper i was going to reblog the original post this comment was left on but i felt it divorced itself from the original topic so much, you get your own post for giving me delightful permission to ramble about this. buckle in people this is long.
so, DC is a big fandom that expanses a lot of different types of content, and like anything, is subject to crossovers. the obvious ones like Marvel are for the reason of being a similar and equally popular superhero world, so it's easy to transpose the worlds onto each other and overlap the characters. both of these worlds deal with multiverses and endless, endless heroes. it makes sense and there's no real stretch to think Batman and Spider-Man could co-exist. i mean, there have been canon crossover comics. and even some more random crossovers like White Collar have pretty easy to trace origins, being an actor in WC was a popular Dick fancast back in the day so there was some bleeding over that led to a well-loved niche crossover space.
but Danny Phantom and Miraculous Ladybug are where it gets interesting. because at a surface, MLB sort of makes sense. it's a superhero world, you're following a teen girl superhero and sure the mechanics are pretty contained, but the crossover should make sense. but when you compare it to the crossover numbers of other superhero media like say My Hero Academia, Ladybug takes the *crown* with such a bizarre popularity. and of course, DP feels like it makes even less sense. sure, you *could* lump it into at the very least, superhero-adjacent media, but it's not a true hero world like MLB or DC is.
but, the thing to always understand about DC, *especially* the Batfamily (which is where the crossover content propagates the most) is this: a *very* good chunk of fans don't interact with the comics. i would venture to say even most Batfamily fans don't read the comics and actively talk about it. we've all read a very fandom big Batfam fanfic where the author's note mentions the writer has never touched a comic in their life. typically, these fans are either cobbling together their understanding from fandom content, or by frankensteining unrelated DC adaptations to understand each character. you take Bruce from Batman: TAS, you take Dick from the animated Young Justice, you take Jason from Batman: Under The Red Hood animated movie, you take Damian from the DCAMU Batman vs Robin, and you read some fandom metas to fill in the rest and well, you've got some sort of an understanding of these characters. read enough incorrect quotes, some genfic, a couple of character metas, and boom, you understand the Batfamily fandom enough to start creating your own content. and of course now. now you have Wayne Family Adventures so it's even *easier*. a pretty easy to pick up webtoon that's filling in all the gaps for you. but i've been in this fandom long enough to remember before we had WFA and even then, this was still a common, if not the most popular way, to ween yourself into the DC fandom space. you cherry-picked the canon you liked and then plunged into the depths of fanon.
i'm not here to make in depth commentary on if i think this is a good or bad thing. trust me i have that commentary in my head, but that would need it's own post. i'm very split on it and my feelings are complicated. my feelings on WFA are even *more* complicated. because oftentimes, the attitude expressed by these fans who are frankensteining this version of the Batfamily/DC world they have in their head is they don't *want* to read the comics. the comics don't contain the content they're after. and to an extent, i understand that. if you're looking for light-hearted vibes of the Batfamily all getting along and having the occasional hurt/comfort moments but in the end, they hug and make up, you're right. largely, you won't find that in canon. of course there are so many comics to recommend for Batfamily interactions, but you have to get specific. you'll find them interacting in small groups, Tim and Dick bonding here, Duke and Cass bonding there, but largely, the comics don't care to balance the ridiculously large cast they've given themselves. but fandom does. it's easy to toss them all in a blender and ignore the parts you don't like. the default argument to ignoring the comics or writing something OOC is always "well the comics are OOC and inconsistent too" which, while a flawed argument that massively misunderstand how comics work as a medium, isn't an entirely incorrect one. you could serve on a silver platter to these fans, an easy and accessible way to get into comics and they wouldn't be interested. it's not what they're here for. fandom is always character-driven above all else. it's driven by character relationships and dynamics. if someone wants to consume content where Tim idolized and stalked Jason as 'his Robin' and now is trying to help him rehabilitate and they're super complicated but have this long epic forgiveness arc, why *would* they read the comics? because they're sure as shit not going to find that dynamic in the comics. it's laughably OOC and not canon at all, but that doesn't matter. what matters is the sandbox. most Batfamily fans care *far* more about the sandbox canon gives them than the actual canon itself. feel how you feel about that, this really isn't being negative toward that attitude, but it is a common attitude.
so, you have Batfamily fans playing in the sandbox and building their own narrative. common fandom headcanons are so common, you could practically write a guide on how the fanon Batfamily works with how consistent people are about it. or you could just read WFA, which is practically the new manifesto of it. even now, with this sudden spike in people talking about canon accuracy and "actually this happening in the comics", they don't actually care about the comics, just what they can cherry-pick for fodder. (even if they rob it of so much context they're just as OOC as they were before. see specifically: the recent phenomena with Tim Drake going from the woobified weakest member of the Batfam who everyone needs to save constantly and he's the smart boy but he's also the one with a sad tragic neglectful past who gets overlooked being the way Batfamily fandom played with Tim for years. but recently, people seem to be pushing this idea of a ridiculously badass Tim, Tim who *totally* has a kill count because of his actions in RR (2009) if you take them completely out of context, Tim who bested Ra's and is even more badass than Jason and he's the 17 yr old CEO of Wayne Industries being cool and flawless it becoming the new fandom zeitgeist. neither of these versions of Tim are canon, and the second fundamentally misunderstands his arc in RR (2009) but the shift has undeniably happened and it's been fascinating to watch. the same thing happened with people suddenly deciding Jason isn't the "angry violent Robin", he was a sunshine sweet boy who was perfect as Robin. neither of these are true, but the second feels more transgressive and new to fandom from cherry-picked panels.) the point is largely, Batfamily fans would rather build their own canon than play with the actual canon.
and then, you have Danny Phantom. i'm not into DP and have no interest to get into it, but what i know about it via fandom osmosis is this: DP fans sort of also don't give a fuck about canon. once again, the canon of DP is a sandbox, not a rulebook. the concepts and the characters are the draw, not the plot itself. i've seen DP posts explaining characters who are essentially OCs, but have become so dominant in the fandom via fandom osmosis. there are concepts and ideas about how Danny's powers work and potential concepts with his ghost nature that either aren't in canon or only happened once in canon and fans decided to expand on that and doesn't care about it's own in-universe logic. i've seen a lot of DP fans also express they haven't seen the show and they don't have plans to see the show. because the show is just some children's cartoon with some inconsistencies and a simple plot, as you'd expect from CN. the show isn't the point. no one cares about it's plot, they care about it's characters. they care about pushing the concept of half ghost boy to a logical extreme and seeing what you can get out of that. can you make it weird and fucked up. how much can you highlight on his trauma and body horror. what identity crisis can you give him and how can you build his interactions with other characters in his world around that and also make those characters fun and unique on their own. sure, the skeleton of canon is there, but the meat lies all in the fanon.
Miraculous Ladybug also exists in this similar vein. the characters, the concepts, those hold intrigue. and not even mentioning the fact the original concept for this show was supposed to be aimed to an older audience, so you can see the bones of something a bit more mature and nuanced under this typical, villain of the week magical girl transformation show. the show itself is a bit shallow and that's not a *bad* thing, it's just the medium it exists within being aimed towards children. but the concepts of a teen girl who's basically a sort of chosen one, a boy who doesn't know his father is the big bad of the show, and their weird identity porn love... square thing. those dynamics are *so* complicated and such a fun sandbox to play in with character-driven fandom.
so, at the core, you have three fandoms that care more about the culturally accepted fanon than the canon, with a good chunk of people often not even consuming the original canon content. and well, DC is an *easy* world to transpose just about anything onto. a boy who's half ghost and fighting supernatural threats? that makes sense, DC has ghost heroes like Deadman already. a girl who has this magical item that gives her animal themed superpowers? i mean that's practically the same thing as Vixen's Totem so that one makes sense too. they fit in pretty easy, no needing to change the world to accommodate them. and of course, if you're a fan of *one* fandom where you don't care for the canon content and only like the fandom sandbox, chances are, you'll get drawn in pretty easily to another fandom with similar mechanics. if you can teach yourself the DP fandom rules/concepts, you can teach yourself the Batfamily fandom rules/concepts. and well, since there's so much crossover in fandom members, why not write the fanfiction? crossover fics will always exist, but with such a shared member base, you have a really big boom.
it's why the characters you see DP interact with in DC are *always* characters who are far more driven by fanon than canon. Danny and John Constantine is a *massive* concept. for people who don't read Hellblazer comics. my poor partner, @divine-dominion has lamented to me pretty often about finding DP content in the Hellblazer tag that is essentially turning Constantine into an OC. because whatever version of Constantine is being written about isn't one bit comics accurate, and really, isn't trying to be. and the same thing happens with Shazam. you watch Young Justice and understand him well enough, you get drawn in by the character concept that you just run with it. people put their favorite blorbos in the same place because hey, wouldn't ghost boy be pretty cool in a city like *Gotham*. how would Batman even react to him. and then, the shipping. because ages for the Batfamily can be easily hand-waved and moved around based on where you plop Danny into the timeline, you have your pick of the litter with him, and same with Ladybug. of course there are the most popular ships but largely, the world is your oyster.
i don't think this is the worst thing in the world for either fandom. it's not hard to filter out the crossover tags and scroll past content i don't like. and sure, i see the appeal of making your blorbos from two different places meet. i've got my drafts *full* of DC/MHA crossover ideas because well, i like them both and think that would be cool. i think my only gripe with it is when DP or MLB crossover content seeps it's way into the wrong tags. using the above example, if you're writing about Danny and Constantine but there's zero content of the actual Hellblazer comics, i don't think you need the Hellblazer tag, just the Constantine character tag. tbh i wish this extended onto Ao3 and people utilized fandom tags better. if you're writing Batfamily fanfiction that is very clearly and obviously WFA driven in characterization and concepts, i would far prefer those fics be tagged with the WFA fandom tag rather than the Batman (comics) fandom tag. because well, you're not writing about the Batman comics. and there's nothing wrong with that, but it helps if you don't confuse yourself for content striving to interact with canon more. (this especially extends to Young Justice, by the way. if you're writing for the Young Justice tv show please, please stop using the Young Justice (comics) fandom tag. i'm at my wit's end- /lh)
the whole thing is fascinating. i've got zero interest in entering DP or MLB as fandoms because that's not my speed, but witnessing it as an outsider is my favorite pastime. i see a *lot* of posts going around the DC x DP space that are helping explain to people who's who, what's what, and understanding the canon/fanon of both of these properties so others can better enter the space. which is not something you'd need in a fandom driven only by it's canon content, but it is sweet watching others try to help newbies enter the space. it's a very inviting fandom space, i think, whether you lament it's existence or not. they're just sitting in their corner with their blorbos, and i gotta respect that. the posts explaining the Batfamily to DP fans are always fun for me to read, even if i disagree with some of the characterizations in them because it helps shine a light on what the fans of this crossover regard as "important" enough about each fandom to be worth including those sorts of primers. very fascinating stuff.
#necrotic festerings#dc x dp#dc x dp crossover#dc x mlb#danny phantom#miraculous ladybug#batfamily#dc comics#fandom meta#fandom analysis#but i can totally write more of these analysis type posts bc i *love* this shit#it's like fandom anthropology#fan studies#love that shit and i have *so* many case studies i could write about cultural phenomena in the batfamily fandom space#bc you can tell by my. everything i'm a comics purist#but i'm not totally negative to fanon#i roll my eyes. I cringe. I send long rants to my loved ones.#but i live and let live and i'm not going to jump down a fanon post for being painfully incorrect. it's just mean and not how we behave.#like there's a difference that and between correcting ppl who say 'in the comics-' when they haven't read the comics#but most ppl aren't claiming their content is based on the comics. and i can respect that honesty#like you're just rawdogging it#i understand the appeal of it. seriously no shade it's a fun sandbox if you just want cool blorbos.#it's *not* how I do fandom but to each their own#and ofc i want comic accurate fanfic but i can find that on my own. it's not hard to do#some comic purists act like there's *no* comic fandom content and come on now.#it's pretty easy to tell the difference when you're scrolling ao3. let's not be unkind to content not made for us.#but i'm serious please do stay out of comic tags if you're not writing comic content. it's my only gripe with this whole thing.#besides that be gay be free.#be cringe. it's freeing i promise.#i jest about being sick of that green ghost boy and that ladybug girl in fandom but it's all silly. i really don't mind.
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armoralor · 1 year ago
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please know that anytime I see you complain about toxic sapphic ships I will make them even more toxic. I want them covered in each other's blood and snarling. I want them filled with rage and hate, seconds away from killing the other. Give me the most toxic fucked up women that make each other worse.
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stormofdefiance · 7 months ago
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I wanted to share some wee thoughts about Ratio’s E6 art & why I believe it is a symbolic parallel to Michelangelo’s David. This speaks to both Ratio’s humanist beliefs and possible future plot points.
Ratio’s E6 is Vincit Omnia Veritas or Truth Conquers All. I’ve heard it claimed (although I have no idea if it’s explicitly stated anywhere?) that the character’s E6 art represents them at their innermost core, an honest and deeply vulnerable shard of themselves. Evoking David here is an interesting choice; the biblical figure who, using nothing but a stone and sling, took down the tyrannical Goliath. The parallel is perhaps as simple as this: Ratio views himself - and by extension the truth - as the underdog, someone never accepted into the Genius society, forever to be kept from Nous and THEIR gaze, but nonetheless will, in the end, prove himself the final victor. Truth will topple the seemingly unconquerable, whatever that might be.
But I also think Michelangelo’s David is a specifically interesting parallel to draw on from a historical perspective. Ratio is pretty much the textbook definition of a renaissance man - he is a philosopher, a scholar, interested in medicine and science and the vast array of human achievement. He speaks in Latin (the language of education during the renaissance in Europe that allowed the transmission of information without having to rely on translation) while heavily styling himself on Ancient Greek symbols and drawing from Greek philosophy (often seen at the time as more ‘sophisticated’ and interested in ‘wisdom’ than the contemporary ‘militaristic’ Romans).
Michelangelo’s David was the first colossal marble statue to be carved since antiquity, and it came to be a symbol of the renaissance itself. This is interesting to me for Ratio and what I believe are his humanist beliefs. Humanism was an ideal that propagated during the renaissance that championed the belief that man had beauty, dignity and worth that deserved as much respect and adoration as any deity. Keep in mind this philosophy was emerging following the Middle Ages and at a time where religious institutions across Europe held exorbitant and sometimes absolute power. David as a statue is an ode to the sublime beauty of the human body, completely unashamed and uninhibited in his gigantic nakedness (Doctor! You’re huge!) retaliating against the idea that prominent idea at the time that man’s body is inherently sinful. The humanists sought to recenter humanity, and David became a symbol of man’s independence against the seemingly unconquerable might of the Church.
Consider how Ratio centres humanity in his Simulated Universe project, how he values every life, how interested he is in constant self-improvement. How this symbol - of not just the renaissance but of the re-centring of humanity itself - becomes an echo of an effigy fixed in the centre of his soul.
Ratio has never - as far as I’m aware? - stated or hinted at any desire to overthrow the Aeons or even disparage or rubbish them, but it is clear to me that he believes in the strength man can draw on despite them, through sheer force of intelligence and clever planning and fiercely independent thought, the weak can ultimately overcome, or at least stand shoulder to shoulder with, the strong. Perhaps this will become a more pertinent plot point in the future - who knows? - but this was fun to chew through nonetheless 🫶
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yours-etc · 2 months ago
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Something that is so important to me is Eddie and Nancy’s relationship. And I don’t know why.
But there’s something in the tension filled awkwardness they would have. This rivalry that is not actually a rivalry, but both having some level of respect for each other. And this is in any dynamic, whether Nancy and Steve got back together or Eddie and Steve are dating. There’s this like… bubble that separates the two of them. Especially if Eddie knows about the cheating, or the Halloween bathroom argument. This is not to demonize Nance at allll, she is a flawed character and I love her because of her flaws. And this is not to say Eddie isn’t flawed either, of course, he is no saint. But I think if Eddie knew about those things, not only would Eddie feel awkward and jealous, but also angry. “How could she do that to Steve?” “How could Steve go back to her” would be constantly swirling in his mind. And vice versa I think Nancy would have a bit of a shock to see Steve with a man or someone else long term. Like to her, she’s always known the ladies man Mr. Popular Steve Harrington. Straightest man on earth™. Also if they got together I have such a feeling that she would feel so guilty of past actions, “I don’t deserve him.” “I’ve hurt him so much in that past how could he ever forgive me?”
I think this jealousy on both sides would stem from them both seeing each other as “comiption,” but also neither feel like they truly deserve Steve, so they are happy he’s with someone “better” than them.
I don’t know this is just such an interesting dynamic to me and I feel like it is not nearly explored enough.
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mimir-anoshe · 5 months ago
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front-facing-pokemon · 6 months ago
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#fuecoco#i gotta say i didn't really care for this thing at first. it was one of my least favorite starters right next to grookey when it was first#revealed. and normally i'm a big fan of fire starters. but this guy didn't do it for me#and this design still doesn't‚ but i do appreciate skeledirge. it's very cool‚ i love the fire hat and the día de los muertos design#it really feels like tpc have been going all out on making pokémon that Fit The Region since gen 8#which is pretty cool. i like it. and i definitely think paldea has some very fun vibes. but i dunno if i'd say it's one of my favorite#regions pokémon-wise or layout-wise. it was their first shot at open world‚ and i think it shows#the older regions with more limitations definitely shone more because they worked better in those limitations#paldea just feels like a big open empty sandbox at times. which is fun to explore‚ but doesn't feel too civilized compared to something#like… unova. where there's a city on every fuckin route corner and they're all so full of life and personality#like i could not remember any of the paldea town themes for the life of me. i can remember their names for the most part#but that's basically just because the facilities that get used a lot are spread out between them. for example: i remember medali#specifically because it's where i go to change a pokémon's tera type. i remember mesagoza because it's the main hub city#i remember levincia because of the posters. i remember montenevera because i think the hyper training guy is there#but not because like. i remember driftveil because YAAAAAAAAAAAAA#y'know. even galar had a better region design than paldea#that's not to say i think paldea is BAD. like i'm not a scarlet/violet hater like every other pokémon “fan” on the internet#i've put like 200+ hours into that fuckin game. i still LIKE it. but my heart still holds a soft spot for kalos and the like
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catofthecanals289 · 4 months ago
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NicoJack drabble
“So, any nice girls in Michigan?” Luca asks over the rattling hum of his Ford’s engine.
It’s late, the night thick and heavy between the mountains, the road ahead barely visible beyond the headlights. The radio display doesn’t show the time and Nico doesn’t want to check his phone and the lack of messages, so he can only guess just how close to midnight they really are.
Glancing over at his brother, he finds Luca looking straight ahead through the windshield, focused, but not tense, despite the winding road neither of them know well. The usual road had been blocked, a fallen tree from a storm earlier in the day not yet removed. Luca hadn’t seemed too concerned though so Nico had just sunken further into his seat while trying not to think about the text he was half sure he wouldn’t get an answer to.
“What?” he says belatedly when Luca prompts him again by clearing his throat.
“Just-” Luca sighs, running a hand over the stubble on his chin. “I don’t know, you seem sad.”
Pressing his lips together, Nico shrugs. He doesn’t know what girls would have to do with it, but Luca isn’t wrong. Being back home is going to be great. Nico has missed his family, has missed Switzerland. Sitting at the kitchen table and eating food his bother cooked, looking out the window and seeing the lush green and tall peaks reaching into the blue sky – it’s what Nico has been longing for.
But it turns out the end of missing one thing just means the beginning of missing another.
“I thought maybe you had a girlfriend over there and now-” Luca goes on, and without thinking, Nico shakes his head.
“No,” he says over the sound of some song on low volume that Nico is pretty sure he’s heard before while holding a red plastic cup, drinking awful American beer and trying not to smile too much at the way Jack was moving to the beat of the music. Nico isn’t sure if it could be called dancing. But he’s sure he hadn’t been able to look away. He hadn’t wanted to.  
“No girlfriend.” He looks down at his phone, at the black screen. “The girls were nice. Just-”
Just they were girls.
And they weren’t Jack.
Swallowing, Nico presses the button on the side of his phone, but no notifications show on his home screen. When he tabs open his conversation with Jack it says *read one hour and twenty-six minutes ago*.  Jack has been online thirteen minutes ago according to the grey text next to his little icon.
It’s a picture Nico took of him, right there are the shore of the lake. The sun had been setting and Jack had stood there with his backwards hat on and his bare feet in the cool water and Nico-
“What if there was a boy?” he says, the words out before he’s really truly thought them.
For a moment Luca’s silence is deafening.
Nico can’t let himself breathe, can’t make himself look over. Instead he turns his phone around in his lap, watching the screen go from bright to dim to black. Then-
“A nice Michigan boy?”
“Well, he’s- Yeah,” Nico says on an exhale, swallowing thickly. “He’s in Michigan. But he lived in Toronto before that. And- Yeah.”
And Nico has spent hours listening to Jack talk about it. About Florida where he was born but doesn’t remember, about Boston, about New Hampshire, about the cold winters across the border and how Michigan is home, how he misses his older brother and how much he loves hockey.
And then he’d given Nico that smile that made his chest flutter and he’d rolled onto his back and looked at the clouds passing over the driveway and he’d asked Nico about Luca. About playing together in Visp, about Switzerland, about everything.
What do you like most about America so far?, he’d asked a sweet little grin on his face, and Nico thinks the answer might have been obvious on his face even if he hadn’t said the You that’d been on the tip of his tongue.
“Were you guys boyfriends?” Luca asks now and with a lump in his throat, Nico has to shrug.
“I don’t know,” he says softly.
Luca seems to have heard him anyway.
 “Ah, Nico,” he says after a short moment of simple squinting at the dark road ahead of them. “I’m sorry.”
It’s fine, Nico wants to say. It doesn’t matter.
Because it doesn’t. Nico is back home in Switzerland and Jack is in Michigan and whatever happened in those six months that Nico spent over there, it’ll just be a memory now. It’ll just be what Nico thinks about whenever someone asks him about his first kiss, about his first time, about his first time being in love.
His first heartbreak too, it seems like.
“He says he’s not gay,” he says, voice cracking over the last word. He wishes his lips weren’t trembling as he speaks. “That he doesn’t like boys that way.”
“But you do?” Luca asks.
No pause this time, no silence.
When Nico glances at him, Luca is still looking at the road.
“Yeah,” he whispers and Luca doesn’t say anything, but he reaches over, putting his hand on Nico’s shoulder.
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