#i love these so i figured i'd make myself one

[threepandas]

Bad End: Snake Bride

There were pudgy little yellow creatures everywhere, here. As common as squirrels, it seemed. They looked like squishy, somber, ditto-faced Pikachus...sorta? I made a note of it. Stopping to make a few sketches. Not that anyone here would ever get the reference, mind you. And they didn't have the iconic tail. More of a nubby little hamster tail?

I'd have to figure out a better description. For the bestiary. Not to mention a suitably cute name, assuming they weren't deadly, after all...

You never knew, with hidden realms like these.

Throughout my training, the other disciples and I had been beaten over the head with countless tales of "it looked cute/pretty/beautiful/holy/or otherwise harmless AND THEN TRIED TO KILL US. Do NOT make our mistakes! I will pull you from the jaws of death! Just to kill you myself!!" by our Shizun. The man could rant for hours.

He still couldn't let go that a glowing, flower patterned, butterfly tried to rip his throat out. And? Since he technically for them "first"? (As far as anyone can find.) He got to name then poor creatures.

Which is why, there exists a very beautiful species of highly deadly butterfly... called the "flying demon rat bastard spawn".

(God, I love Shizun so much. He is so, SO petty. Hilarious, vengeful, the man's the living manifestation of "target sighted". Man has beef with specific TREES for god sake. I wish I had HALF that kind of energy. Even if it DID get us banned from like... so many places.)

I tried to get a good look at the little guys mouth, seeing one yawn. Hmmm... the teeth suggest venom. Better not startle any of them... but NOT I'm gonna need to catch one to milk it. Great. They seem fast...

A knock out array? No. Need them to want to bite me, so I can get a venom sample...

Crouching, I mulled over the problem. Admiring the little creatures as the clambered up and down the strange flora of this realm. It was fascinating. Humbling, in a way. When, I considered that? No one else had DONE this before. I knew it for a fact. Every single reference to this hidden realm? Was from either the immortal who created it... or four hundred years later, the immortal who sacked the placed.

It was hard to get into, hard to find, didn't boast any supposed ten thousand year treasures or legendary beasts. Just? A humble pocket of life. Started and left to cultivate. Shift and change. Grow!

Who CARES what uses the creatures or plants have?! This place should be STUDIED! All these realms should be studied! They're amazing!!

I spot a moss I haven't collected yet and carefully take a sample. Noting it's location on the map I've started (which is a mess, I fear I definitely have no future there). Of course, as is so often the case? Finding one sample leads to another. Moss leads to "oh hey, a mushroom" to "is that bird or a leaf?" And so on and so on. I nearly forget to make camp.

(It was a bird. It just looked like leaves! Fascinating camouflage!)

Only noticing the light shifting qualities, drags me from my hyperfocus. A nasty (or, I guess, productive? For an immortal.) habit. I had lost days to it, before. Disappearing into the library or some work room, back on the peak, for time blurringly long periods of time. Inedia keeping me from hunger. Younger disciples bringing me tea.

There was a reason, after all, I never made Head Disciple. Even though I got along great with Shizun. I was about as responsible as a goldfish. Entirely too focused on my own studies, to be honest. But to be fair? Let's see YOU focus! When there is so much... I don't know, Xianxia bullshit?

(IS it Xianxia bullshit? Or is it Xuanhuan bullshit? Fuck. It's been a life time. I literally can not not remember. Let's see YOU remember the differences! After literal decades!!)

(God, I miss my books. And the internet. And TV. Honestly? I miss everything.)

Fuck! Side tracked! Again!!

Careful not to step on any of the marshmallow-y not-pikachus, I scramble to collect the last of my samples. Reach out with my Qi, to feel how the ebbs and flows around me shift. I should? Be able to sense any nearby predators. As well as posdibly find a nice qi rich spot to set up camp. Maybe meditate.

Just because I'm exploring hidden realms, doesn't mean I should grow lazy, after all! Whole point of cultivation it to ascend. God hood and all that. And, yeah, I'm still sceptical as fuck. But... count me curious. Why not try?

Oooh! That's a nice ca-! Hmmm?

Something... not-brushes against my senses. As though it should be there. I should sense something. An almost taste and nearly smell of... something? Someone? Kinda like the faintest hint of someone's cologne, lingering in the air, as you move through a crowd that isn't touching you. But... warmer. Like it's still on the skin. Not a lingering remnant from someone who passed through?

It's... weird. I can't sense anybody.

Maybe if I try harder? I pump more qi into my technique. More then is technically polite, honestly. But maybe they are farther out then I think they are? I hadn't exactly expected to be sharing space. This Realm isn't exactly BIG. Just a ring of mountains and the valleys between them. One big, lush valley. Many smaller ones.

Again, it's not a popular realm. Not to mention already looted. And not even particularly Qi rich. So meditating here would be a strange choice. But... maybe they want the relative isolation?

I still can't find them. Dispite knowing they are there. (That technique does not give false positives.) So I risk rudeness. Figure I can always apologize. Maybe they are deep in meditation or something? Pumping more qi, frankly appalling amounts, into the technique, I am damn near half blind as I walk. (For all that I can see better then anyone in this valley at the moment.)

The sensory input is cacophonous. Beautiful. Terrible. Like balancing atop a single hair thin thread. Suspended carefully, above a raging sea, made of wonderous light and churning pains. I use my foot steps to anchor me. Balanced and even. Yet... find nothing. Pull back.

Are they... hiding?

Why?

Up ahead it the qi rich cave (more an over hang, cave is generous) that I sensed. A good, defensible place to set up.

It's only as I'm setting up? That I notice the little Marsh-a-chus? (Is that a good name? I really do need to start thinking of a good name for them.) Have followed along. Crowd the trees and settle thick in various bushes. And... part of me? Wants to go "away, I made friends!" But...

The rest of me? Was drilled in horror story and horror story by my Shizun. And that's so mighty fine "unusual interest" behavior going on there. Might even go so far as to classify it as hunting behavior!

Mmmmhm! Don't like THAT! No sir! Time for some nice and cozy warding talismans! Shall we? The STRONG ones.

Under far too many beady little eyes, I slap down security talismans. Full three sixty. Against the ground, the stone, the mountain behind me. I am taking no chances. Just as I was taught.

Which... as I am settling in for the night? Dinner done and dishes drying. Sleeping mat, out and reading to go. Light and warmth talismans, positioned just where I need them? Turns out to be for the best.

Because there is something in the dark. Big. Predatory. And coming towards me.

It's not so large as to show above the trees. But that is small comfort. They are fairly large trees. And honestly? I know only too well, massive size does NOT indicate lethality. Sun turtles are mountainous after all, and THEY photosynthesize! The problem is? There wasn't supposed to be a predator that big in this realm.

Did someone fucking shove a spirit beast or monster in here!?

What? Out of sight out of mind?! No longer their problem, right!? Why kill it, when you can put it in a hidden real to LET IT GROW BIGGER! Destroy an ecosystem! MOTHER FUCK-!!!

The night is silent.

It should NOT be.

Gripping a sword I am only kinda decent at wielding, I pray to the gods, I don't have to use it. I am a spiritual cultivator! Not a martial one! This is BULLSHIT. I don't have anything on me for "unknow predatory mega-fauna" because there WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE ANY! Oh, this is the LAST time I-!

Foot steps. Crushing through the underbrush.

Into the circle of light my talismans cast, fades a pale young master. Graceful and pale in the moonlight. Very... very pale in the moonlight, actually. No better in the light of my talismans. Near ghostly, in his white silks. Touches of pale gold and stark black. Curls of ink wash grey. Like a painting brought to life.

Just a touch too perfect. A touch too beautiful.

With a grace to his movements that... that is too smooth.

It's not until he all but stands in the light that I am certain. His hair. Too lovely and well kept, for it to be an accident or some sort of shaming. Those are NOT bangs. That is the entirety of it. Nothing held back, in a crown or subtle styling. No... no it is SHORT.

No Human Wears Their Hair SHORT Here.

Entering the light? His eyes reflect. Grey like blades. Like storms and death. No pretty silver things. No, it is far too deep a color. Far too dangerous. Slits, that contract with the light. Half hidden by a heavy expression, that I can not begin to interpret. I desperately try to identify the creature before. Feline? No. Lacks the savage edge. Too cool... serpentine. Snake!

"Like a panicked little mouse, honored cultivator. This one might begin to suspect you weren't happy to see me~" they...? He? Says; his voice a low, honeyed rasp. "But how can that be? When this humble servant has been hunting for so long?"

"Surely, my dear little mouse, has been anticipating this day~! Dreaming of the day when her lord would catch her?"

There is something... mean, in that tone. Vicious and victorious. The silent echo of a madman laugh, as he burns the world to ruin. Seizes and achieves all that he desires. Strangles all that he can not possess. Covetous and ugly. Dancing, dancing, dancing around the edges. Demonic, indeed.

Yet... I do not recognize this creature. This demon. He certainly recognizes me, as horrifying as that is. What past does he speak of? Hunting? What HUNTING?! I try to find something familiar, in this strange form. Unless, of course, he is simple insane? Not impossible... but...

"Ah~ my poor little mouse." The demon coos, mocking in his indulgence. His eyes still dance with laughter. Mad and unable to feast. "You don't recognize this poor servant, do you? How cruel! To be forgotten. A passing fancy, barely held, in my mouse's fickle heart."

He's laughing me. Knows I could not possibly recognize him, yet plans to punish me anyway. Somehow. Fuck! This seems genuine. But how? Why!? When would I have-!?

Then, he shifts.

Gone is the beautiful young man. In his place? Rising, rising, RISING? A behemoth of a bandy-wolf king snake. Black, white, with occasional bare traces of that pale gold on the under belly. Hundreds of thousands the times it ever should have been. But... but? There. A scar. Oh gods.

I recognize him now.

A snake got into the village I was born. Absurdly poisonous, unthinkably venomous, it should have been left alone. Gathered very, VERY carefully and taken far away from people. But... people panic. Get stupid. The adults didn't fucking listen. And over sixteen people died that didn't have too. I was sick at the sight of it. They captured the poor creature and were going to burn it alive.

For the crime of being afraid. Hungry. Getting attacked and then protecting itself.

I couldn't bear it. So... I stole it. Hid it in a cave, half way across the valley. Didn't my best to nurse the poor, injured, creature back to health. At least... I tried. The injuries were too severe. I was able to close the wounds. But sickness, blood loss...

Shit. That cave was incredibly qi rich. It's why I chose it! To make up for what I couldn't do! If he had already started cultivation and then... or just resented enough...

It was entirely possible to become a snake demon. Easily, even.

"Sss Sss Sss, ah, recognition~" the massive creature laughed "Why so fearful? Little mouse~ It's not you I want dead. Kindness for kindness, a debt for a debt. And aren't we be grown? Look how strong we've become!"

The booming, breathy cackle did not fit snake lungs. Silibant and painful. Hissing and near silent. It was more pressure in the air then anything. A madness long coming. As demons born of resentment energy tended to be. All burned villages and the screams of those who wronged them. Hatreds and obsessions made manifest.

I... I could barely breathe. Oh gods. Oh gods! What do I do? I.. I can't-!! Tears threatened to choke me. Fear, shaking my limbs and fogging my mind. W-what do I DO?! I'm scared. No. No, no, NO! Please! I'm SCARED!

"Ah~ so cute, so cute! My little mouse grew so lovely~"

Like the world sighing, as fluid and graceful as his steps, the snake became a man again. His grey tinted lips curled in a fang bearing smile. Hands up and braced against the barrier, his full weight leaning forward as he leered. He loomed. My talismans casting odd shadows across his face, giving the madness in his eyes a terrible glow.

"This husband truely did pick his trap well, didn't he? My sweet little mouse~" he purred, eyes unblinking, above a terrible smile. "My little wife has no where to run~! No where to hide! Her husband has trapped her quite cleverly, hasn't he~? Poor, poor, little mouse. Your husband is so mean!"

My heart felt like it was going to burst. Cold. T-trapped. Can't breathe! Oh gods. Is this a panic attack? I.. I think this is a panic attack! Can't think! Static. Legs, refusing to hold me. Sink. Crawling backwards. Away. G-got to get away! Trapped! TRAPPED!

I horror, I watch as he sinks his nails in to the barrier. Hands no longer resting, but digging into it. He-! He shouldn't be able to DO that! Oh gods! PLEASE gods! Tell me he's not strong enough to BREAK barrier talismans of this level! Please! PLEASE!!

"Ah~ acting this way, you make this husband want to bully you, little wife~♡ And ah, such big, fearful eyes~ Am I being mean? Is husband being cruel? Poor thing~"

CRACK.

In horror, I watch as his nail push through the barrier. Like driving stakes through stone. Cracks shooting from the holes, as he digs and digs. Hands closing around the shards he has created, ignoring the blood that spills from where it cuts into him. As the barrier itself whines and crackles in protect. Tryinging desperately to maintain its integrity. Slowly... cracking... failing...

"Let me kiss it better, hmm? No use in trying to run~"

"So be a good girl~♡ my little Mouse. Come to husband~♡"

[chaotic-neutral-knitter]

Ed-Coded Mountain Goats Songs Part 1

The other day I was thinking about how many songs by the Mountain Goats remind me of Our Flag Means Death's very own Edward Teach, and I decided to challenge myself to assign a Mountain Goats song to each episode Ed appears in. It's going to be a series of posts because for some of them I have, uhhhh, a lot to say.

S1E3 - A Gentleman Pirate

The song that I've chosen for this episode is Animal Mask, from the album Beat the Champ aka "the one about wrestling." The album deals with themes of identity, masks, showmanship, and knowing when to quit. So it's a pretty good Ed album already.

I chose this song for a few reasons, the first being that I just really love it. I referenced it in my wedding vows—I think it's one of the most romantic Mountain Goats songs (serious goats fans out there, yes, I know that the song is about JD's kid being born, shhhh, that's not important, it's romantic TO ME).

The song is about a professional wrestler fighting through a battle royale to protect someone they don't really know. This is how they meet.

Eighteen man steel cage free for all Through the noise I hear you call for help You can't protect yourself Frog mask and yellow cape So desperate to escape I came to you, hands wrapped in adhesive tape That was when we were young and green In the dawning hours of our team

Sound familiar?

The second verse reveals that the narrator has been paying attention to the person in the frog mask and yellow cape. From a distance they saw someone interesting, someone new.

Seen you backstage once or twice Animal gimmick pops real nice Elbow sweep and tiger dance Little extra fighter's chance

Ed is interested in Stede before he even meets him. Finally, here is someone doing something different. Ed is bored, stifled, lonely.

"Hold on", I cried, "I'll be right there" Pull your mask down through your hair They won't see you Not until you want them to

John Darnielle has said a lot about this song but one thing that really stuck with me is this: "This is a song about how, from the moment of your birth, you don't owe anybody a look at your true face." (source) I think about this in relation to masking—for good or for bad it's something people learn in order to protect themselves. And if it's true that you don't owe anybody a look at your true face, it makes it all the more beautiful when you decide that you want someone to see your true face, that you feel safe enough with them to try.

Ed and Stede are both people who struggle with identity. Who they are vs who they present to others vs who they want to be. They're both guarded in very different ways. Stede's ostentatious coats and bravado hides a deep well of insecurity—he is simply convinced that he is not enough. Ed has spent so much time being Blackbeard that he isn't sure who he is outside of that. But when they're together, all of that turmoil melts away. Ed and Stede get to be Ed and Stede. They just... see each other. They open up. And that doesn't magically resolve their identity issues, or make them brilliant at communicating. They struggle to turn their implicit understanding of each other into the kind of healthy communication their relationship needs, because neither of them have any practice with that. But that safe space between the two of them gives them both a place to figure things out.

"What's it like to be in love?"

"It feels... easy. It's just like breathing. He understands my idiosyncrasies, finds them charming even. We expose each other to new things, new ideas. And we laugh a lot. We just pass the time so well. I'd call those things love."

That's what is romantic to me about this song, I think, the sense of safety. You are safe to be vulnerable with me, because I will not reveal you unless you want to be revealed. We may be surrounded by a battlefield but you and me? We're a team.

And for Ed and Stede, this is the early days. The dawning hours of their team. While Stede's "Well I was gut-stabbed..." story intro in later episodes is a funny bit, it's clear that Stede looks back on this moment as a warm and happy one. I think Ed does as well.

Which brings us to the chorus of the song:

Some things you will remember Some things stay sweet forever

[holycowboytiger]

(Platonic!) NikPrice x Reader

this thought has been kicking around in my mind for some time now so i decided to let myself ramble

CW: Neglect, child abuse, alcoholism, underage smoking,

Author knows nothing about cars yet writes about them

(Reader is implied to be in their teens and is a little shit at first)

(mostly uneditited and not re read, word vomit if you must)

Imagining Nikolai and Price finally settling down together in some small town, planning to live out the rest of their years in peace, away from the danger- away from everything.

It's quaint, even if it takes a while to get used to, it's a nice coastal town, John always loved the seaside, and Nikolai likes colder weather, this town seemed perfect for the two of them- even if the housewives fill the streets with gossip, and the teens are rowdy, and everyone manages to know everyone's business, it was never too hard to just.. blend in.

Price is scarily good at keeping himself away from the gossip circles, but every once in a while he'll indulge to get a better idea of what the people are like around here, he doesn't care that Mary is getting a divorce, or that Phil is sure that his kid is actually the mailman's, but he does care about whose dangerous, and who could be a threat.

To his relief, whenever he brings up troublemakers, the only name that is spoken of is yours, just some random teen with an attitude that likes to scuffle with other kids and graffiti walls or bridges sometimes.

He figured you were just a stereotypical teen who thinks the world is out to get you, and you'll settle down in a few years, he's sure your parents will straighten you out, he does feel a little bad that grown adults are gossiping about you tho..

''Really they are so disrespectful!''

''Ugh Charlotte I know! My daughter came home smelling.. weed, turns out she was hanging out with them, you best fucking believe I nipped that friendship in the bud''

''with any luck they'll turn out better than that father of theirs, disgraceful''

Ok this was just.. foul- you cant be that bad? You're just a kid..? Shit maybe the world isn't out to get you but this town certainly is.

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At home, John opened the door and kicked off his boots, still annoyed with the neighbourhood gossip session.

''John?''

''It's me Nik''

''How'd It go? Make any friends?'' He chuckled, obviously teasing, walking into the hallway with a bottle of beer in his hand

''Think I'd rather go back to active duty before I even consider befriending any of those cunts''

''That bad?'' Nikolai raised his brow before he handed John his beer, watching as John downed the thing in seconds ''They're so.. Judgemental..''

''They've got nothin better to do hun''

John shook his head, moving towards Nikolai and wrapping his arms around his waist, sighing into the crook of his neck ''You weren't there Nik''

He stepped back, letting Nik hold his face ''What is it? Are you ok?''

''I'm fine its just... they seem to have it out for this one kid-''

''Maybe they're a little shit-''

''Nik-''

''I jest- I jest..''

John rambled about everything as Nik led him to the living room, about how they wouldn't let their kids be friends with you, and how weird this one sided beef was with a random teen, Nikolai tried to play devil's advocate for a while before he eventually stopped and let John talk, he knew how it got under his skin, and truthfully, as an ex ''bad kid'' it irked him a little.

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Months went by and John and Nik had found themselves settling in nicely to the little town, beginning to remember names, and even making some friends at the local pub, but it wasn't so easy when both were very secretive about their life.

People started to talk, which led John to reveal that he's ex special forces, hoping it would calm the chatter, but then came the questions on his wedding ring, and where his wife was, why he lives with Nikolai-

Soon enough he heard rumours of him being a widower that wears his ring for comfort, and Nikolai was his friend from the army.

They weren't completely wrong....... He was married- just not to a woman, and Nikolai was a friend from the army, before he became his husband.

Both men knew that it was best to wait a while before they revealed their marriage, test the waters.

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You somehow still made your way into conversation every once in a while, You'd pass by with a cigarette in hand and the insults would fly, and whilst John still felt bad, he slowly started to understand the town, seeing you push past someone without apologising, or walking around with bruised knuckles, glaring at any and everything, you even bumped into John once- and the only thing you uttered was

''Fuckin' watch would you? old man..''

Ok.. so you were a right piece of work, disrespectful and antagonising, and maybe he started to agree with the gossips, maybe.... guilty as he felt, you were a bit of a dick.

And when he found out his house had been egged one night, he didn't doubt it was you..........little shit.

Nikolai laughed at him as he grumbled on ''I told you so..''

''Shut up Nik'' he sighed as Nik kissed his temple ''Disrespectful little-''

''They're a kid John'' Nikolai playfully reminded, and John scoffed, now he understands what its like to be in your 40s and beefing with a teenager.

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Nikolai didn't hold an opinion on you, you were a little dickhead, and that's all he thought, better to not get so upset over some kid, even after you'd egged his house, he made sure to glare at you when you walked past him, but he was only met with your own, bruised face and all, still staring at him like you knew you could take him down. He was never serious when he looked, it was only an effort to scare you off, to make sure he doesn't find toilet paper littering his garden, but it didn't seem to work...

''Fuck you lookin at? Auditions for grease are that way.'' you scoffed

......ok that was fucking hilarious, fuck you.

He was perplexed, you weren't afraid of him, or John, seems like you feared no one, which was a funny concept, Ex special forces couldn't even make you flinch, what could?

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One day, Nikolai was in his driveway, trying to bring an older car back to life, something he'd picked up to keep himself busy, he was always in a trance like state when he was working on cars, like nothing else mattered, but he found his focus being pushed to the side when he heard footsteps approaching the bottom of the garden.

He turned, curiously, and his eyebrow raised when he spotted you, your eyes scanning over the car, not even giving him a second glance,,, its rude to stare you know..

''Can I help you?'' finally, you looked at him

''No. Just looking''

''..Shouldn't you be at school?'' he tilted his head

''didn't go today.'' Of course.

He looked you up and down, noting the bruised knuckles and busted lip, another fight? How many enemies did you have- and how on earth did you make them?

''That a mustang?'' you shifted your gaze back to the car

''It is, 67''

''old ass car.'' You replied, he chuckled

''well I'm an old ass man'' you smiled, looking back to him ''How long have you been trying to bring that hunk of metal back to life?''

''Couple months, I think I'm almost there''

''uh...Can I,, take a look?''

Your gaze shifted to your feet, you and him both knew that you really didn't have a right to ask, you weren't the nicest, but- Nikolai found you entertaining enough, and he figured the worst you could do is mock his hair again..

''come'' he gestured for you to come over, you looked surprised at first, before a small smile made its way to your lips and you walked into the garden, still hesitant.

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John looked out the window from the kitchen, shocked to see you, sitting against the hood of the car as Nikolai rolled underneath it, he even saw you pass a wrench to him.... how on earth-.......

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2 Weeks flew by, and without fail, every Friday and Saturday, you'd find yourself in their garden helping Nikolai fix up the ''scrap of metal'' with John occasionally coming out to greet you and provide snacks and drinks for the two of you, lingering for just a moment.

Neither of them said anything when you would light a cigarette infront of them, or when you would appear in their garden with busted knuckles, they simply just.. let you be.

They noted that you'd never join them for lunch, but always find excuses to stay later and later, never wanting to go home, and whenever either of them would remark how late it was, your shoulders would drop, and you'd seem upset at the fact that you had to leave.

You'd flinch away from them when they got to close, or get defensive when they'd push too much into your life, but you had no problem prying into theirs, you were quite the spitfire.

But as the 2 weeks turned to 3 Nikolai and John started to grow concerned

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Something else that had entered their routine would be patching you up from time to time, when you would let them close,,

It started after John noticed you could barely pick up a tool for Nik, wincing as your hand closed around the bottom of it, he sighed and gathered ice and some bandages from the first aid kit, and some rubbing alcohol to clean whatever wound you had found yourself with.

He doesn't know how he convinced you to sit down, on the hood of the car, or how he convinced you to let him fix you up in the first place but that doesn't matter.

John had picked up that unless you were glaring or threatening someone, eye contact wasn't something you were good at, and it became significantly clearer now as you stared at your hand guiltily whilst he cleaned and wrapped it wincing every time he was a little too rough...

He's used to hauling injured grown men over his shoulder to get them out of the crossfire or putting half of his body weight onto someone to stop a bleeding gunshot wound, not gently wrapping your smaller bruised hands in bandages, but-

As time went on, he found himself doing it more and more, same question everytime, with the same answer

''What happened?''

''Woke up like this man.''

It frustrated him, but it didn't take a detective to figure it was another fight, he always wondered why you found yourself in them so often,, until one day you actually answered

''What happened?''

''Kids were talking shit...''

''What did you do?''

''Not about me..''

''Well then? Who-''

''You and Nik... called you guys weirdos and.. gay.. and ...stuff I dont remember much after the first swing''

He stopped wrapping your hands to look up at you, his gaze trying to study yours... You always looked half dead, and today was no excuse, as unreadble as ever kid

''A- hah... as much as i appreciate you standing up for me and Nik, i promise you that a few kids calling us gay isnt hurting anyone, I dont want you throwing yourself into fights over us two geezers''

''They said Nik's hair was stupid.... only i can do that''

''MY HAIR IS LOVELY-'' He heard his husbands gruff voice call out from under the car, shit he forgot he was still under there....

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Admittedly, you were growing on them.. They'd never really had the conversation about kids, they knew they'd be lucky to retire, but now that they actually have, John finds himself,,, longing for some reason, and Nikolai jokes a bit too much about being referred to as someone's ''old man'' down the line, he thinks the title suits him.

And John's habit of picking up strays, and Nikolai's hobby that was fixing broken things.., you seemed like a perfect fit, a feral skittish thing.. you reminded them both of Simon...

You let them both in...slowly, so slow that questions would still burn in their minds..

Why did you never want to go home? Why were you always getting in the scraps and scuffles? You were abrasive and confrontational, like a cornered animal.. but why?

It didn’t take a genius to figure that life at home wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows for you, and as the two men got closer to you, they found themselves wanting to pry more and more.

They wanted to shield you, to help you find your way through life, but how could they? They were just two fellas that you fixed cars with on the weekend, neither of them were your father, or in any sort of authoritive role in your life-

Even if that fact reigned true, it didn’t stop you from valuing their opinions.

John told you it was bad to smoke, and despite your glare to his cigar, you stopped smoking as much around them, Nikolai advised you stopped fighting as much with the neighbouring kids, and you showed up at their house with less and less bruises.

They were both happy to know that you listened to them, and you were just happy that they hadn’t thrown you out yet, that they hadn’t got tired of your defensive nature, that they hadn’t yet realised how much of a bad kid you really were.

You were happy that they didn’t know who you really were…. Yet.

As the days flew in, you itched more and more to tell them what was really going on, why you were the way that you were.

And one day you did.. subtly, and you only spoke to Nik, but he was able the piece it together, and soon after you went home, he found himself telling John about his concerns

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It was late, you and Nik were sitting on the grass, staring at the car you’ve spent so long on fixing up, your knees were tucked under your chin and the two of you found yourselves in a comfortable silence, even if you were itching to break it.

“..so you were a pilot?” Your eyes didn’t leave the car, but Nik turned to you, a confused smile on his face

“Yes.. how’d you know?”

“You have a patch on your jacket” you pointed out “my dad has the same one,,, tho he threw it out years ago.”

“Pops also a pilot then 'm assuming?”

“Was…. Helicopter”

“Ahh..” he shouldn’t ask…

“He got into an accident… lost his leg,, couldn’t fly no more”

“That…-“

“Fucking sucks I know” you chuckled dryly “just wish he wasn’t so angry at me about it.”

“Why would… he be angry at you?”

“He says I ruined his life..” you shrugged, still not facing him “Momma left him after he started drinking too much, and he thinks it’s my fault”

Nikolai stayed quiet again, you were finally opening up, and he didn’t want to say something that would cause you to clam up

“He still drinks a lot.. but most of the time I’m lucky and by the time I get home he’s knocked himself out.”

“Most of the time?”

Oh.

Oh.

“Kid- Are you-“

“M’fine.. made it this far, I just need to wait until I’m old enough, I’ll enlist and leave this shithole of a town behind.” You scoffed, now turning to him

You could see the concern written on his face, and the anger that bubbled beneath the surface, he had half the mind to show up at your door and show your old man what it was like to have all of his ribs cracked.

“I’m… I’m sorry.”

“For what kid?”

“….. for egging your house….. it was a dare….. also for saying you look like you belong in grease…….. and for calling John … old”

he chuckled at your apology, his hand landing on your shoulder, patting you like an old dog

“…. All is forgiven kiddo… come on… it’s getting cold,,,, join me and John for dinner?”

“I can’t -“

“You can stay for dinner Kid, it ain’t no burden to us.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dinner was… nice, you can’t remember the last time someone cooked for you, nor the last time you sat at a table with people and actually.. talked, you don’t remember the last time you acted like…. A kid..

But as the two men shared stories with you, mocked each other, told you of their comrades (with some ridiculous names mind you.. who the fuck is Soap?) and filled your plate, you found yourself relaxing, for the first time in years it felt like you were safe….. even if it was just for now.

(pls im open to more ideas on part two)

[featherwingfox]

One of my top favorite characters of the entire series, the Spirit Guardian! AKA Guardian of the Spirit World and Guardian of the World Beyond. You get the idea! He's an ANGEL!!!

I kept his design using the original Minecraft skin as a reference, but I just let his hair stick out of the hood a little. I figured he would have white hair to match his big BEAUTIFUL FEATHERY WINGS!!!!! 😍😍😍 I absolutely love big feather wings! Okay, okay, moving on, the colors were easy since he's mostly black and white, I tend to mess up lighter skin tones in traditional art but I managed not to this time! As for making the black stand out so you can see his pants I had to make it slightly lighter than his robe. I'm happy with how all this turned out! I unfortunately couldn't quite get the hands to look right, so I once again saved myself from the trouble of drawing them by covering them up! You can see some of his left hand so you know he has them, but I posed him in a way that would look natural, including his wings flapping in front of his hands, and it feels like he's descending to meet us! Most likely Sabre to say hello or tell him he's caused some more problems and needs to be responsible and take care of it!

I have been drawing wings, mostly feathery ones, for about as long as I have been drawing. Those are probably the most developed parts of my artistic skills since I can't tell you enough times, I love feathered wings! And as proud of them as I am...... I have noticed mistakes over time that really gets under my skin. I can't fathom how this happened, but some how, I MESSED UP THE WINGS!!! 😭☹️ And now I shall point them out as I need to burn this in my memory so I don't let it happen again, and hopefully helps someone else remember to double check your sketch before starting the line art! There's no fixing mistakes if you notice them after that. It's the point of no return.

There is a second layer of feather on the outside of his left wing, I forgot add a second layer on the inside of his right wing, and it really gets me because I haven't made this mistake in so many years! It came back somehow! Now I'll explain what wings are supposed to look like! Or at least these ones since there are many different shapes and lengths wings have.

These wings are supposed to have the longest feathers on the outside, so that second outer layer is not supposed to be there. On his other wing I forgot the second inner layer. The feathers on the outside are like the backbone of the wings, so there shouldn't be layers outside, only inside. There are two inner layers, the second longest being the support and the smallest ones are the softest. They get smaller and softer the closer they are to the flyer. I hope I explained this well as I have done my best to be clear and understandable. It feels good to talk about these mistakes! As much as they bother ,e it is okay, I can redraw him in the digital art someday.

Now I can say my last words about the posing. The wings specifically. When they are curved you can not forget the feathers behind the curve. I'm not good with examples, but the best I can explain this, incase your are still confused, is imagine putting on a jacket or a coat without zipping it closed. The opening in the front allows you to see the back of the inside of the jacket. But some of the jacket is curved as it wraps around you while putting it on. Pretend you're invisible or something, you can see the back on the inside of the jacket while the sides are blocked by the front of the jacket. You can even just grap an object like a cup or ball with a piece of paper and wrap the paper around the object. I feel like I'm over explaining now so I shall stop. Thank you for reading if you got confused, I'm told I can be a bit confusing in my writing so I'm trying to fix that.

Some additional details you can't see in the drawing that I'd like to share with y'all is his eyes. You won't see them often, but when you do just know I'm not holding back with how beautiful they'll be. I initially thought they'd be golden but I've seen many fan animations and drawings of him having blue eyes, which I like a lot too, so I'm asking, and you please someone answer😭🙏, should I make them blue or gold? Maybe mix them? I'll mix them if nobody answers again, I'll probably choose this one now! But one thing is for certain, when he's angry they'll turn red! Luckily it is difficult to incur his wrath.

The Spirit Guardian is a great character that I enjoyed and I loved the interactions the others had with him, he's especially fun to mess with. Out of the arcs I have planned, his will probably be my favorite to write and draw. I'm not spoiling anything buuuut let's just say some Demons were not happy with their punishments. 😈

I will see you tomorrow with another design, there is a shady character waiting for you! 👥

Story: Steve Saga (Fan Rewrite)

Character: Spirit Guardian/Guardian of the Spirit World/Guardian of the World Beyond.

Abilities: can fly with BEAUTIFUL FEATHERY WINGS, travel between dimensions and realms, find lost souls, send souls to be judged, lightning, and powers I added, a HOLY-BLAST-BEAM-WHATEVER-IT-IS, give blessings, make a contract, and can either add or subtract to a judged soul's punishment.

Personality: serious, a stickler for rules, calm, level headed, polite, friendly, gentle, soothing, and of course he's ✨🪽M A J E S T I C🪽✨

[torpidgilliver]

Sure, I'll bite.

I'm aro/ace. I figured out the asexuality fairly early on, around high school or so, but kept dating because I was cripplingly afraid of dying alone. I threw myself at a couple of really solid friendships that opened themselves up to romance, and after the initial limmerence period wore off, I started to hate the partners whom I'd loved as friends. I broke up with my last partner after we hung out with my cousin and his then-boyfriend, because after a rowdy night of wandering the darkened city streets, it was clear to me that "enjoying a relationship" didn't look like anything I recognized. I told my ex that I needed to be alone because I was fairly sure I was aromantic and he responded in a way that still ticks me off to this day, by saying that he loved me and would wait until this phase passed. Every few years he texts me, usually in February, to briefly ask how I'm doing. Conversations with him usually peter out quickly after I tell him that I'm happy.

I was single through most of college, and living in a place where I had dozens of friends within walking distance purged fears of loneliness from my mind until I dropped out in senior year. I cannot stress this enough: regular in-person contact with people who make you smile is vital to your wellbeing. I'm an introvert who does a poor job of making friends, and this is true even for me. If I don't see humans who aren't my family or coworkers at least a couple times a week, I start to wilt like a sunless plant. I don't even notice until it becomes bad.

Where I am now, I've kind of fallen into. My best friend and roommate (and technically queerplatonic partner, though I'm allergic to any language that's associated with romantic relationships after all the bullshit I dealt with to get to accepting being aro) is polyam and pan, and damn near my opposite in every way that doesn't matter. She's disabled and autistic and needs patient help with things that might seem trivial to an allistic person. She's also a steady presence in my life who can handle situations that frustrate me to tears, and she's the only person I trust completely with every thought in my head that I might otherwise be ashamed to share. And we met by accident; we were both looking for roommates and the guy who connected the two of us with the intent of us being a group of three wound up getting muscled out of the picture because we were too close and he was too useless.

She helped me break through my anxiety to uproot from Florida and escape to the midwest. Her encouragement eventually got me to quit my last terrible job and find one that I'm happy in. And every evening when I come home, she's got the curtains thrown open for me (even though she likes to pretend to hate the sun) and the biggest hug I've ever had ready for me to walk into. I can't imagine life without her, and I'm not expected to sleep with her—or anyone—in order to keep this incredible gleaming light in my life.

If you're lonely and scared, I see you. Know that wherever you are right now, physically and/or emotionally, isn't where you will always be. For me, reaching happiness meant getting on an antidepressant regimen, linking arms with my favorite person to escape from a sinking hell to what we hope to be solid ground, and being pressured so hard at a job I hated that I finally quit and went to my dream job: admin in a small specialty clinic. Your path to happiness will be yours, and I promise that if you keep moving ahead slowly, eventually the fog will clear and you'll be able to see at least a few steps ahead.

Looking for some insights from the aro community...

If you're an aromantic person who is not in a romantic relationship but who feels like they are abundantly (or at least sufficiently) loved... can you talk a little bit about what your situation is, and how you found the people you did? It would really help me to hear some happy stories right now...

[rarepairnation]

2024

THROW YOUR PHONE IN THE RIVER

NOT REALLY. THERE'S FRIENDS IN THERE. BUT FOR AT LEAST A COUPLE HOURS A DAY

SEE YOUR FRIENDS

NOT EVERY THRIFT TRIP WILL BE A WIN

GO FETCH A LEAF EVERY DAY

KILL THE OVERHEAD LIGHT

MAKE WEIRDER ART

READ. LIKE AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK. YES I MEAN A PUBLISHED BOOK. FANFICTION DOES NOT COUNT

THE FIVE DOLLARS IT COSTS TO GET ON THE TRAIN IS WORTH GOING SOMEWHERE NEW TO WALK AROUND

LEAVE THE FUNCTION BEFORE YOU STOP HAVING A GOOD TIME

GROW GREEN ONIONS IN YOUR WINDOW

BUY YOURSELF FLOWERS

BUT THROW THEM OUT BEFORE THEY GET GROSS & MAKE YOU SAD

REMEMBER SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO BE ALONE. ALSO REMEMBER SOMETIMES YOU FEEL INSANE BECAUSE YOU NEED TO SEE ANOTHER PERSON. BOTH OF THESE EXIST AT THE SAME TIME. IT'S OKAY TO GET IT WRONG SOMETIMES

IT'S OKAY TO GET IT WRONG SOMETIMES

IT'S OKAY TO GET IT WRONG SOMETIMES

ITS OKAY IF A DAY IS BAD. THERE WILL BE ANOTHER

[sciderman]

(Idk if someone asked this already) since we’re on the topic of gender

sci what is gender to you and how do you see it in you and how you express it in your art?? (Just a young queer artist who wants some light shined upon them 🥺)

i 'unno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[thenaphantoms]

Today is Valentine's Day, but it also marks one year since Miraculous Ladybug re-entered my life!

I discovered the show a bit before the English dub released back in 2015, watching it mainly in Korean with subtitles. It was so exciting seeing more and more people talk about this obscure little french cartoon once the dub came out!

But with increasing popularity came...other things. Art theft, harassment, young kids not really understanding how to behave in fandom spaces, and then Astruc himself replied sarcastically to a comment I'd made under one of his tweets (though in retrospect what he said was actually pretty funny). Then I had to end a really big friendship with someone I'd met because of the show, and I found myself in a weird position. Keep watching the show I loved, even though doing so made me uncomfortable due to those negative associations, or drop it entirely?

So I dropped it entirely. I put all the dolls and action figures somewhere I wouldn't be able to see them. Started a new account where I could engage with other fandoms. I stopped writing and reading Miraculous fanfic, stopped making Miraculous fanart, and forced myself to fixate on other things.

Years passed, and eventually, the thought of the show stopped making me feel so uncomfortable. I still couldn't bring myself to watch it, but I started a rewrite project, trying to fix the things I remembered not enjoying about the first two seasons of the show (which was all I'd seen at the time). I bought a couple of the new Miraculous dolls, super jealous that Kids These Days are getting so much better merch than I had when I was a fan of the show. Got some of the kwami blind bag kwami figures too, and I developed a habit of keeping one with me in my bag when I went to work.

That rewrite project never went very far, since I was hoping to do my own take on the episodes, and most of the episodes had become a distant memory by that point. In fairness, it had been like 6 years. I'd have to rewatch the show, and I still wasn't ready for that.

Then, on this day last year, something happened. I was staying at my parents house after an especially stressful work week, and I was browsing Netflix. And what would be on the front page, but Miraculous Ladybug: The Movie.

I had vivid memories of binging the show on Valentine's Day as a kid. I used to really associate the day with Marinette and Adrien, so Valentine's Day felt a bit like a nice opportunity to appreciate a ship that made me so happy.

So I watched the movie, justifying to myself that it wasn't like I was watching the show, it was just one movie and it would probably suck anyway.

But it didn't suck. It very much didn't suck. In fact, I LOVED it. It brought back so many memories, the love square was so sweet, the kwamis were such a cool idea, Hawkmoth was so fun, the akumas were so creative, Marinette and Adrien were so cute! It reminded of all the things I used to legitimately love about the show, rather than the stuff I didn't. When I was watching the movie, I wasn't thinking about that friendship that ended, or the art that got stolen. I was thinking about these kids, how much I loved them, and how much I loved their story. And I realised something that, in retrospect, should have been obvious.

It wasn't the SHOW that made me uncomfortable. It was my negative associations related to it. The show did nothing wrong, it was always fun and always made me happy. It was my bad experiences themselves that tainted it.

So I thought it over, and decided to continue the show from where I left off, even if the thought of doing so made me feel kind of sick and uncomfortable.

And I liked it. No, I didn't just like it-- I LOVED it. It was so fun?? And interesting??? And--wait oh my god is that PLOT?! Wait wait wait Marinette is overwhelmed???? I've felt like that!!! And--oh!!! Who is this Félix guy?? He's a reference to the pilot!! And he's so fun!! And Kagami? I remembered her being a boyfriend stealer but she's actually not at all and she's actually really sweet??? And Alya!!! Ride or die bestie Alya!!!

Needless to say, I couldn't stop watching after that. I binged seasons 3 and 4 in the span of I think two days, then immediately moved on to season 5, and I had a wonderful time. I was also a lot happier in general. It felt like I'd regained a part of myself that I'd lost, or rather, willingly left behind.

I know there's a lot of discourse online about whether or not the show is good, about if its even worth watching, but to me, that stuff sincerely doesn't matter. Miraculous Ladybug makes me very happy, which is why you'll never see me engage in Miraculous Ladybug salt discussions. I can critique it sometimes, but I've spent enough time looking down on this show. I'd rather love it for what it is and appreciate the joy it's always brought me.

So yes, today isn't just Valentine's Day. It's the anniversary of the day Miraculous Ladybug came back into my life, and the day I regained a piece of myself I'd long forgotten.

I loved the movie so much, I started binging Miraculous Ladybug for the first time in a long time, and I'm having a blast, so I wanted to draw something! It's actually based on a piece I drew in 2016 and then redrew in 2017. I think I've come a long way as an artist, and I'm so proud of the improvement!

Bug out!🐞

[sysig]

Coding woes (Patreon)

[nobodybetterlookatme]

🥰

[gardensnakie]

How’s life? No pressure question ofc, but if you want to share please feel free to do so with this ask :3

Eh, it doesn't feel all that great right now. I'm tired and hungry a lot, but I just have to get a routine together. My sleep has been wonky, I've been waking up too early, but I feel fine then but it also feels like I can't rest completely- I have dreamless nights mostly. And I also just get annoyed a lot, but it feels better being around people I like.

[theflyingfeeling]

I don’t know if I’m just imagining things but I feel like Olli and Aleksi are actually so close 🥺 for example I feel like they post so many pics together and I know they post with others too and it’s not a big deal but e.g. Olli has posted 5 pics with someone else this year and 3 of them are with Aleksi.. so it must mean something right?? 🥺 and I feel like they spend a lot of time together yk even ”outside the band” when they’re having a day off and they still do music (the remix) etc. together 😭

Yeah I mean I for one am so deep in the Olli/Allu delulu land that it's VERY easy for me to agree and confirm all of this 😭 they're boyfriends secret lovers special friends and it shows 🥺

Here are all the pictures of the two of them I could find on Olli's IG, for reference 💞

+ the group picture Olli posted when Aleksi first joined the band, with the caption 'so now there's six of us' 🥺

[dichromaticdyke]

after the knitting project i just finished i feel fairly confident in saying that one day i will open up a knitting etsy shop :)

[sevicia]

I wanted to make a cleaner summary of last week's classes and also review the classes I have this week since the material is already uploaded beforehand but I was feeling so horrible throughout the day that when I sat down I was just gonna look at the ones for tomorrow but I think I'm just gonna go to bed because I just gave my little numbers game a few tries and not even the joy of tribial elementary school-level math games is bringing my brain cells and/or full sentience back

[c0rpsedemon]

it's soooo fucked to think about how everything that's ever happened in your life is connected, no matter how mundane. what do you Mean my 5th grade teacher's seating arrangement is the reason i lived past the age of 13

[izzy-b-hands]

finally broke into one of my new syringes (still have some old ones, but figured hey i should try them for this shot)

Tw for bitching abt medical shit/my injs below the cut

and i just. why is my doc intentionally making this harder. I ask for 3ml syringes bc it's what im used to and know how to draw up. She agreed to that, so i never checked my new ones bc why should i? she listened, she sent in for 3mls, right?

NOPE. fucking 1 ml which means figuring out the draw up has required online searching to make sure it's right, and bonus! everything I've found doesn't recommend it for T bc it's such a slow inj to begin with, and 'many feel it takes longer to inject in smaller syringes designed mainly for IV use, which lessens compliance with injection schedules in some'

And i hate how it looks. it looks like so much more, and i know that's stupid bc it isn't, it's the same amount as usual, but the sight of it is v much involved in me getting my injs done with my fear of needles. I know, again, I KNOW planned parenthood is dealing with not enough funding, hands on staff, etc, but does that really prevent you from listening to your patient and trying to help them with shit like this? bc i don't think it should. I'm still forever grateful they've been helping me keep my T going until I find a primary care doc, but at the same time...what the fuck? I said this would be an issue, and i need to stay with my usual supplies. If that was an issue for them, i was willing to buy syringes myself from the medical gear shop I've used for extra supplies before (that will ship out here, I've checked.) Why won't she just fucking. listen, and talk to me? if all she could do was 1 ml syringes, fine, BUT FUCKING TELL ME THAT BEFORE SO I CAN JUST BUY MY OWN

Like. I will get this done. ill use these crap syringes up bc I refuse to waste them.

But now I'm overly nervous and worried im gonna fuck it up with the new syringe, or that it will hurt more or take even longer to inject than usual, so my hands are too shaky to do it! im already a day late with it, and I'd bet ten bucks I wont be able to calm myself enough to do it until tomorrow. Yes, this is also autism bs of needing things the same but like. I've had to do a lot of adjusting since last year, and have made efforts to accept changes and sporadic things. it's been hard as fuck, but I've fucking done it. so why can't i have one fucking thing like this stay the same? just my inj supplies, that's it! I'll accept and deal with other changes but for fuck's sake, she KNOWS I'm nervous abt fucking up my injections (bc i always want them to go well so i get as much med in me as i can, with minimal tracking out after it), why the fuck wouldn't she at least tell me if she was limited in syringes/what she can rx?

Why don't docs listen when i talk, and why won't they just talk and be honest with me like a fucking adult. is that honestly so fucking difficult?

Apparently so 🙃