#i love them these sorry sons of bitches
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you think dipper and mabel have experience deescalating fights because of their parents
#let me cook#in the book of bill he says dipper has nightmares abt the last fight he overheard with his mom and dad#before they sent them out to gravity falls for the summer#the way mabel runs to them first really makes me think shes doing all that emotional labor at home#i love them these sorry sons of bitches#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanly pines#the pines twins#and their fucked up family#mabel pines#dipper pines
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Cardan: *brings his ex back to live on the land and then exiles Jude who he married the night before & who just got back from enduring over a month of torture*
Cardan: *does not have any doubts that Jude could possibly misinterpret this situation*
#out of context just calls out to me I’m sorry#also poor Jude saved his life the day before too#Cardan and Jude not realizing how insecure the other feels about themselves in their relationship is just#I understand Cardan’s perspective I just love giving him shit for this#like you created the biggest misunderstanding that has ever been misunderstood#the way we could have avoided that#fuck you too Lady Asha you miserable waste of space#like ew keep out of ur sons love life I cannot believe u did that#Jude is the only reason that bitch was ever out in about in the first place and Asha did the opposite of paying her back#UGH like Cardan ripped out his heart and put it in those letters#and you just destroyed them??#alarming#excruciating#distressing#cardan greenbriar#the wicked king#jude duarte
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Thinking of a very specific scenario where Gwen has her workplace covered head to toe in Spidey pictures and Spidey merch because she originally lost a bet, but never took any of the stuff down after it was over because she grew attached to it, so her work area just makes everyone think she’s a huge fan of Spidey
That’s the setup, followed by a situation where Spidey has to team up with Norman for a science thing (neither one is happy about this) and they pass by Gwen’s area (although it doesn’t have her name written anywhere, it’s just covered in Spidey stuff) and Spiderman, being Peter Parker and having visited Gwen’s workplace before, knows it’s hers
Which prompts this dialogue: “How is Gwen doing? Staying away from tall buildings..I hope… ha ha..” -Peter, making an awkward joke based on that horrifying statistic they found out about most of other Gwen’s dying by falling, because working with an enemy is an awkward situation and he was trying to lighten the mood but failed
Norman doesn’t understand the reference, obviously, just takes note that somehow Spiderman is aware of his worker, and since he can tell which work area is hers, is aware that she’s a huge fan
Later on, there’s this dialogue: “If you really wanna get a superhero’s attention, go to their “territory,” get on a huge building, make a fuss so that they know you’re there, then fling yourself off, you’ll be in their arms before you know it!” -Gwen Stacy, making her own morbid falling off a cliff joke to cope while people brainstorm how to find a missing hero
Which leads Norman to the following conclusion: Gwen Stacy has been putting herself in danger on purpose to get Spider-Man’s attention
Now not only does he have to worry about holding an intervention for his son and his son’s friend who’s like a son to him about being so obsessed with Spiderman that they ignore their own safety, but he also has to hold one for his best employee!! What the fuck!!
#kinda long sorry#hopefully you all find this as funny as I do#Norman trying to figure out what tf is in the water that his son’s friend group just keeps getting obsessed with Spidey#pride month means all bitches being in love with Spiderman I don’t make the rules I just violently enforce them <3#Spiderman#spider-man#spider man#peter parker#norman osborn#harry osborn#Gwen Stacy#should I add my dialogue tag?#fuck it I will just in case#made up dialogue by yours truly
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(OLD OC SKETCHES) Meet Sunnabelle Von Sunnoviche, final daughter of the Sunnoviche family. Peeking from behind a window, she witnessed a wizards final spell, one that reduced the world to a wasteland. Her noble blood damned her to [HELL], but unwanting to suffer with her family, she made a deal with the devil. She now hunts in his name. The top of her head was taken by the blast on that day. The fires of her spirit have boiled her blood into a super-heated plasma.
#luckys original content#GRAAHH MY OCS OCS IM SORRY MY OCS I NEVER FUCKIN DRAWW YYAALLL#i was cleanin stuff on my pc again n found a buncha stray doodles of her that i made like. 1 or 2 yrs ago. so i cooked em into smth edible#shes a gunslinger rogue i think! mechanically aasimar bc plasma blood#played her once for a very teeny tiny improved oneshot me n some buddies did forever ago#would love to play as her again... someday a cowboy themed game will find me.. n she will live again...#SUNNABELLE VON SUNNOVICHE! the last name was sposed to sound like 'son of a bitch' ehehehe#bc she is ONE HELL ofa son ofa bitch. shes mean shes short tempered she takes NO SHIT#and she loses her mmIIIIND when she meets a delightfully stupid pretty person#i didnt play her for long so her personality hasnt evolved that far. thats the fun thing abt playing characters! u meet them when u play em#SUNNABELLE FUNFACTS: she is the 6th child of 11 siblings. middlest a middle child can be. bc o this she was often overlooked or ignored#she grew up in a family of obnoxiously rich nobles. all the other siblings were trained and focused on to be the best a sunnoviche can be#meanwhile. sunnabelle often stuck to herself. drawing and creating little fantasy worlds. was always a fan of wild wests n cowboys n guns#she was the only one that saw the WIZARD coming. she was peering over a window when the blast went off. taking the top of her head#GUHH IM ACTULY SO PROUDA HER DESIGN SHE LOOKS SO COOL.. LIKE WHATS WITH THE PLASMA HOW DID I DRAW THAT SO WELL. IM SO PROUD.#I lov all the sun symbolism.. its so fun.. what a fun character ive made.. hell yeah.... anyway hope u guys like her too.#if u got questions ive got ANSWERS!!! my askbox is always open. im pretty sure.
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Hey y’all guess what?!? :) it’s time for a new episode of Bedtime Stories With PCE!!!
Who ordered some old man yaoi? That’s right, this one is set right after If Heaven And Hell Decide, with a sick Kyle, worried Stan, the best little immortal cat of all time, adding injury to illness, two middle aged men being massive fantasy dorks, all that goodness. Very sorry to my favorite arthritic ginger it will happen again, very sorry to his extremely concerned husband.
And y’all. I’m dedicating this to the Sickfic Queen herself, @alwaysinstyle who consistently kicks ass and gets stoked about style taking care of each other with me. Ana I love you so much and I’m so proud of you. All the people in your corner, we have you covered.
Also OFC the rest of the RANT homies have been subjected to random snippets of this over the past 2 weeks or so (jesus my sadsack ass needs to get some motivation back how has it been two weeks) but hey I will always be obnoxious when the mood strikes me and this long ass monstrosity is FINALLY done!!! Thank y’all fr for putting up with me.
Here’s •Well, That Would Be Pretty Odd•
A subtle knock at the door drew Stan’s attention and Kyle from uneasy rest. His husband’s head lolled exhaustively in his hand, still drained of energy and, according to the screen displaying his vitals, running a pretty high fever. Stan kept one arm protectively over him and turned to the door. “Yeah?”
The doctor entered, shutting the door behind her. “Hey, guys, how are we doing in here?”
Kyle pulled up slowly, clearly emotional, like he always got when he was sick. “Can I go home yet? Moose needs me.”
“Our cat,” Stan explained. “He’s worried he scared our cat.”
“I did.”
“Scared the hell out of your husband, too, sick as you are. It says on the chart you guys filled out that your blood sugar was low enough to potentially trigger a seizure. If he hadn’t acted as fast as he did, you’d be even worse off than you are.”
Kyle slumped back into Stan. “He always rescues me,” he murmured.
Stan felt like crying. “I’m your knight when you need me, dude.” He took a deep breath. “Okay, what’re we working with here? Stomach flu, dehydration, complications because of the diabetes, all that, right?”
“Right. Kyle, we have you on antivirals and fluids via IV for now, and I know you’re eager to get home-“
“-he hates hospitals-“
“-I hate hospitals.”
The doctor smiled kindly, even after getting interrupted. Stan liked her. “We’re keeping you overnight at least, but if your vitals are still stable and your fever is less than 102, we can send you home.”
Stan knew Kyle appreciated being the one addressed about his own health. This doctor could read the room, that’s for sure. Kyle nodded tiredly, eyes closed.
“How about when we go home? What’s the plan?” Stan inquired, tired as fuck himself but making an exception for Ky, always.
“Fluids, rest, anything with nutritional value that can stay down. Your friend in the waiting room mentioned orange juice as you guys’ go-to when Kyle’s having trouble with blood sugar? And he said you’re always diligent about keeping an eye on his health.” She was definitely addressing Stan now, since Kyle had clearly relinquished responsibility for the time being, knowing Stan had him covered. Hell yeah he did. “Any further complications; if you catch the bug too and can’t take care of him, another bad sugar drop or fever spike, and you guys come right back here. But at this point, it’s looking like this is something manageable from home, fingers crossed.”
And Stan had every finger crossed. He’d take care of Kyle, just like Kyle took care of him. Even if he was kind of scared as fuck, not having seen him quite this sick since maybe college. Or even when they were kids and he needed kidney surgery. He bit the panic down. Kyle was okay.
“Gotcha. I can spend the night? Spousal rights and everything?”
“You won’t convince him not to stay if you say no,” was Kyle’s muffled reply.
The doctor laughed. “I won’t make you leave. The last thing I want is either of you worked up, especially you, Kyle. If you need your husband with you to be comfortable-“
“-mhm-“
“-that’s not a problem in my book.” She tapped her clipboard with long fingernails. “There’s a call button on the bed if you need anything between the nurses checks, and I’ll tell your friend he’s free to go. He isn’t allowed back here, I’m afraid, but I can also let him know he can be the one to pick you up in the morning, if that’s what you two want?”
Kyle mumbled something that sounded like “like a good neighbor, Tucker is there” to the tune of the state farm insurance jingle. The doctor raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, he’s pretty delirious, alright.” A couple quick checks to Kyle’s IV line and heartbeat monitor, and she was gesturing for Stan to lay his half asleep husband back down. “You boys get some rest. We’ll keep you posted.”
“Thanks,” Stan whispered, letting Kyle nuzzle into his chest as she left the room. Once they were alone in the darkened space, he kissed him softly on the top of the head. Kyle was a space heater. But if the hospital staff wasn’t alarmed, they were okay. “I’ve got you, baby, just sleep.”
The next morning, Kyle improved enough to leave and discharge paperwork done, they faced the problem of actually getting the sick man home.
Stan waved off the nurse’s offered wheelchair and stubbornly picked Kyle up because like hell was he losing even a second of contact. That and he took pride in the fact that he was in his 40s and still able to carry his husband.
“Sir, there’s procedure…”
Kyle snorted from where his head was against Stan’s shoulder, coherent enough to be aware but still too weak to insist on, god forbid, trying to walk on his own. “Believe me, ma’am, there’s no way in hell you’re convincing this guy not to carry me. Losing battle, mark my worms- words.”
Someone needed to be home in bed.
The nurse sighed, clearly deciding it wasn’t worth argument. Thank God, because Kyle could out argue anyone normally, but he was fucking tired.
“Just sing me home again, Orpheus,” he murmured into his husband’s ear.
Stan laughed at the reference. “Alright, ma’am, so if we’re all set….”
“Yes, yes, you can go. Hope you feel better.”
Kyle only had a vague recollection of both Stan and Craig yelling at the hospital staff when they brought him in, which was kind of funny to think about. Craig didn’t get worked up about things easily, and Stan was as gentle as they came. But it was nice to know his friend and his partner were willing to act so out of character for his sake. He muttered a “hey, spaceman” in greeting when Stan lowered him into the back of Craig’s car, mid morning sun forcing him to keep his eyes closed.
Craig barked a short laugh, pulling from the parking lot when both his passengers were settled for the short drive. “Someone’s feeling better.”
“I’ll get him set to rights, kick the plague’s ass,” Stan said, softly kissing his husband’s still too warm forehead. “Thanks for picking us up, dude. And for last night.”
“No biggie,” Craig shrugged nonchalantly. “Someone had to keep a level head and it sure as hell wasn’t gonna be either of you.”
Well, he wasn’t wrong there. Craig was probably the least prone to getting over emotional person Stan had ever met.
Craig’s husband, however, was the exact opposite. Upon getting home and getting up to bed, Kyle could faintly hear the frantic voice of Tweek downstairs, bringing Moose back from spending the night over at apartment two.
Kyle was nauseous, not to the point that he had been, but nauseous all the same, waiting for Stan to be done retrieving their cat and filling Kyle’s water. He felt weak as shit, and sweaty, which was probably a reasonably good indicator of his fever coming down, but it fucking sucked. And he was going to need some soup or something in him soon so his blood sugar didn’t get so bad again, which was another thing that sucked, because why do flesh prisons require so much maintenance? Why did his body require so much to function.
He didn’t realize tears were flowing until Stan entered the bedroom, hands full with the water, a KMBS, and one of those bottled protein drinks that tasted like chalk. Moose was quick to jump up and pad softly over to him, big blue eyes so worried and sweet as he curled up beside him. Kyle’s two blue eyed boys.
The second of whom was setting the drinks on the bedside table. There was a straw in each, so Kyle wouldn’t have to move as much to drink. It made him cry harder.
“Shhh, dude, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Stan climbed onto his side and grabbed the juice, holding it to Kyle’s lips. “I know you don’t feel good, that’s okay. I’ve got you. Go slow, okay?”
Kyle complied, the sharp taste of salted orange juice helping both physically and mentally. Plus, it’s hard to drink something and cry at the same time, so his breathing was a little less sporadic. A few sips were all he managed before his stomach started rolling, and he shook his head. Stan understood, setting the cup down and pulling Kyle’s face into his chest. “Just sleep, baby. I’m gonna have to check your temperature and levels in about an hour, but just sleep until then, alright?”
“Mhm.”
Stan would take care of him. Kyle would put up a fight, when he had the strength to, but Stan knew from experience that he’d be ‘secretly’ loving being cared for.
The husbands had a couple favorite positions to hold each other in. They’d hold the other from behind, arms wrapped around and poised to kiss an exposed nape or shoulder as a reminder of their presence. They would entangle themselves like they were doing now, they’d let the other’s head rest on their legs, Kyle would perch himself in Stans lap or Stan would drape over him like a blanket. Holding each other was safe. And in this moment Stan wrapped protectively around his sick partner like it was his sacred duty, one hand cradling Kyle’s head from underneath, fingers gently rubbing his hair, the other arm tucking him firmly against himself, feeling Moose’s purrs vibrating where the cat had claimed his place against Kyle’s back, right below the place Stan’s arm was wrapped around.
Stan glanced at the nightstand clock, keeping watch for the next time they’d need to wake up for a check in. About an hour and he’d get the thermometer to make sure they were still headed in the right direction, check Kyle’s levels, make them both something for, well, he supposed lunch at this point, and call the clinic to let his coworkers know that he’d be out a few days for a family emergency. He’d have to let Kyle’s work know too, before his husband tried to go into school still unwell.
Fitfully, Kyle dozed, sweating in his sleep, which Stan knew damn well he’d complain about when he woke up, but personally, he didn’t mind holding a miniature sun, because it was Kyle. Overheated, but still Kyle.
It hadn’t quite been an hour, but the warmth was starting to concern him. He gently kissed the top of his husband’s head, encouraging him to stir.
“Dude, hey.”
Kyle let out a tired whine as indication that he was awake.
“I know, baby. I just need to check your temperature and then you can go back to sleep.”
“I can check my own damn temperature,” Kyle protested, rolling over onto his back when Stan relinquished his grasp around his beloved. He scowled. “I’m all sweaty.”
Stan chuckled lowly. Was he right or was he right. “Gimme a second.”
Upon getting the thermometer and finding that they were still going in the right direction, Stan relaxed slightly. He let Kyle check both his temperature and blood sugar by himself, because it wasn’t worth the impending argument and the last thing he wanted was to make his husband feel helpless. Fever was down, but he definitely needed something to eat soon.
“Dude, do you think you can handle something solid, or you wanna keep sticking with drinks?”
Kyle hadn’t puked in a while, so he felt like maybe something simple, easy on the stomach, would be okay. As much as he wanted to keep going with the safe option of juice and a protein shake, he wouldn’t get better without something substantial in him and he knew it. “I can try. No promises.”
“You don’t need to promise anything,” Stan insisted, leaning down to kiss him on the way out of bed. “But I have an idea, if you’re okay by yourself for a few minutes.”
“Moose is with me. I’m not by myself,” Kyle remarked with a sleepy smile.
Stan snorted and went to change into jeans, last night’s pajamas not exactly ideal attire for walking to the BBQ place a block over. Kyle was weird about food sometimes, but Brendan’s mac and cheese was a simple, safe, Kyle approved bet. He’d probably want it to get cold first like he usually did (weirdo), but sick Kyle was sort of a wild card. They’d see.
“I’ll be back in fifteen, dude, drink some water.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”
Kyle heard the door close downstairs, slowly reaching for his water at the bedside, one hand resting on their cat’s head. Moose was stretched out along his side, fluffy tail dangling off the side of the mattress.
“You sleepy too, young nastyman?” Kyle asked, setting the bottle down and closing his eyes. Moose purred in response.
Apparently he’d drifted off again, waking up to the rustle of a takeout bag and a strong, smoky smell.
Kyle clapped a hand over his mouth. Ordinarily the smell of brisket and ribs wouldn’t bother him, but in his half asleep state, smelling meat on Stan of all people…
“…Dude?”
“FUCKING CHANGE!” Kyle screeched, staggering up to run to the bathroom, tears in his eyes because the bbq place smell all over his vegetarian husband was wrong and disorienting and he hated being sick and fevers made him sensitive and an asshole and-
Falling hard in front of the toilet, he felt his knee go out. The cherry on top of the fucking cake while his stomach tried to escape his body. Kyle cried out in pain, which was cut off immediately by a wave of sick splashing into the porcelain while he attempted to move and take the weight off his left leg, shaking and already crying because he was pissed and it hurt and he couldn’t catch a damn break. Dry heaving and spluttering, he collapsed tiredly into the alcove between the toilet and the cabinets, one trembling arm draped over the seat and the other hand clutching his knee, eyes shut tightly against the light and the nausea and pain.
“Ky, hey, hey, oh, fuck, baby, shit, did you twist your knee? Okay, you’re okay, hold on-“
Kyle leaned over to retch again, choking out “YOU SMELL WRONG” because that’s all he could manage between gasps.
Stan yanked his shirt off and threw it through the open door into the hallway, past where Moose was watching with wide eyes from the threshold. “Okay, I’m sorry, is that better? Here.” He gently eased Kyle’s hand away from his leg, carefully straightening it out. “God, yeah, it’s already swelling.”
“WHY do I have to LIVE IN THIS GODDAMN FLESH PRISON?!?” Kyle slammed his fist against the floor, frustrated beyond belief. Stan caught his hand before he could do it again.
“Shh, Ky, c’mon. You’re okay, it’s fine.”
Seeing his husband like this, sick, aggravating his bad knee mid vomit, broke Stan’s heart. But he had him. He had him and wouldn’t let go. Was that dramatic? Absolutely. But when the fuck was he not dramatic about Kyle’s health?
“THAT FUCKING STUPID ASS NURSE!” Kyle was yelling. “Sending me sick kids, thinking they were just trying to get out of class, that BITCH!”
“Baby, dude, calm down, man, breathe.”
“YOU’RE ONE TO FUCKING TALK!”
Alright, point to Kyle. Stan sighed as Kyle heaved over the toilet again, expelling nothing but water. They really needed to get something in him before he wound up needing the hospital again. Stan gently rubbed his husband’s back as he hiccuped and cried, clearly feeling betrayed by his body. A few minutes of heavy breathing, and Kyle was pulling back up. “I- I think I’m d-done.”
“Alright dude, I’m gonna get you up now, that okay?”
“Mhm”
Very, very carefully, Stan hauled Kyle from the floor, mindful not to move his knee too much and going slow in case of another bout of nausea. Moose trotted into the bedroom after his dads, obviously distressed seeing Kyle cry and immediately curling back up against the redhead when Stan set him down.
Stan was honestly a little nauseous himself, because Kyle’s frustrated tears never failed to make him emotional too. But he knew what to do here, he reminded himself. Fever was coming down, leg flare up was pretty routine, Kyle would rant it out if he had to and Stan would be his yes-man, and liquids were probably going to be the staple for the rest of the day.
He rolled up a throw blanket and propped it under Kyle’s leg, taking some strain off the irritated joint and kissing his husband’s kneecap when he did so. “You want ice, babe?”
“Yes I want fucking ice,” Kyle mumbled, arms draped over his eyes.
Stan could admit to enjoying taking care of Kyle when he fucked up his knee; pissed off Kyle was cute. “Aw, baby, I got you.” He grabbed the takeout bag from the nightstand too, not knowing if the bbq smell was lingering there too. “I’ll stick this in the fridge for when you want something solid, okay? How ‘bout another Ensure?”
Kyle grumbled something inaudible that Stan took as a yes. Poor thing was so upset. But he had every right to be, and Stan would never be annoyed at him for that.
Downstairs, he debated making his husband a smoothie, but the blender was loud, and his head probably already hurt from throwing up. Instead, he just grabbed an ice pack and a shake (strawberry, still gross but the flavor Kyle hated the least), taking the time to scribble out the nutrition information, just in case. That practice was pretty much habit at this point; he’d started ripping off or crossing out the calories on food for Kyle when they were fourteen, when his favorite person was recovering from his eating disorder, and even if he’d been more than fine for a longgggg time, Stan was prone to reverting to the past. When Kyle wasn’t okay, for whatever reason, food lore got crossed out.
“Dude, you up?”
“Mm”
“Shit, babe.” Stan knelt by the bed to carefully apply the ice, reaching a hand up to thumb away a falling tear. “You just mad?”
“Fucking pissed,” Kyle moaned. “It’s not enough that I have the goddamn plague?!? I have to have to fuck my leg up too? My parents are, like twice our age and even they don’t have fucking arthritis!” Kyle pointed two middle fingers to the ceiling as a ‘fuck you’ to god, which was actually pretty funny, but Stan didn’t laugh. That would only make his husband madder.
“Ky, c’mon.” Stan cupped under his head to kiss his cheek, relishing in the subtle smile that action brought. “And your parents didn’t shred tendons and refuse to do physical therapy.”
“I am damn well aware my goddamn arthritis is my own fault, Staniel.” But he sighed contentedly, adjusting the ice pack before leaning back against the pillows. “That helps. I’m sorry.”
Declaring the anger over for now, Stan climbed into bed beside him. “Don’t be sorry, dude. How’s your stomach?”
“I don’t fucking feel good.”
“I know, dude, can you drink a little water? We have to keep you hydrated.”
“It’ll just come back up.”
“Not necessarily.”
Moose crawled up between his dads, small furry head on Kyle’s shoulder, knowing he needed comfort. Kyle rubbed his face on the cat. “Babyman, did I scare you last night? I did, huh?”
“Dude,” Stan started, “he’s fine. You’re fine. We’re all fine. Drink something and don’t move your leg.”
“I didn’t shred my tendons, by the way.” Kyle protested. “I just tore some shit a little.”
“Enough that it’s a problem even now.”
“See, you get it.”
Stan laughed. “Quit being a dick and go to sleep, baby. You know you’ll feel better. I’m right here, dude, whatever you need.”
“I’m not being a dick, I’m being contrary.”
“Same difference.”
“Mm.”
God, poor Kyle, pissed off, sick, having a flare up on top of everything else. “Dude, what do you need?”
“Leg hurts.”
“We have a pack on it, dude. Maybe some ibuprofen? You should take some for the fever anyway.”
“It hurts.”
Stan started to gently rub his partner’s knee. “I know, babe. I know it’s hurting.”
“I hit it on the floor.”
“I know you did.”
“Fuck this shit.”
Kyle knew he was being a total dramatic asshole, but he didn’t care. God had fucked him over; he could be a dick. That made sense. “I’m mad, dude.”
“That’s okay.”
And no he didn’t have the right to be mad. Stan was being so sweet. Always. Any time Kyle’s meat suit betrayed him and he got upset about it, Stan was there, doting and adorable as ever. “I’m sleepy.”
“So go to sleep.”
“Something bad’s gonna happen.”
“Oh, dude.” Stan wrapped around him, carefully. “We’re not OCD spiraling. We’re not. A little rest, alright?”
In actuality, Kyle was too tired to argue.
It had to have been a few hours when Stan felt Kyle stir against his chest, swinging over to get out of bed… and promptly falling with a loud “FUCK!”
“Ky?”
“I FUCKING FORGOT ABOUT MY GODDAMN LEG!!!”
Stan sprang off the bed then too, getting on the floor beside his hyperventilating husband. “Dude, shhh, okay, okay, straighten it out.”
Sobbing, Kyle did. “D-don’t, freak, okay? I moved it weird, that’s all.”
“It’s fine, dude. Look at me. I’m not freaking out.” He was just doing a good job hiding it. Stan hated seeing Kyle cry, emotional, probably still feverish and nauseated, trying to get up in the middle of the night and falling on his knee, just the perfect storm of fucked up shit. But Kyle needed to stay calm, above all else. “What did you need, dude? Let me help you.”
“Water,” Kyle mumbled dejectedly.
“And guess what? You have me for that.” Stan carefully felt around his husband’s leg. “Can I turn a light on?”
Kyle responded by throwing up into the trash can, which had Stan gagging too. Fuck. Honestly, he was surprised he lasted so long without sympathy puking. “Hold on, baby.”
Stan rushed to the bathroom to empty his own stomach, somehow only just noticing that he still hadn’t put a shirt on from earlier. And Kyle hadn’t said anything about him wearing “outside pants” in bed, either, which was probably the best indicator of how sick he was.
Flushing down the panic induced vomit, Stan stood and glared at his reflection while he rinsed his mouth out, gulping a few handfuls of water from the sink. He had to keep it together. He needed a plan. Okay. Get Kyle back in bed, check his temperature and blood sugar, go downstairs to fill up his water and feed Moose, go from there.
Kyle had curled up on the floor back in the bedroom, and Moose had the zoomies. Stan sighed.
“Dude, okay, let’s get up.”
“Moving sucks ass.”
“I know it does, babe, but the bed is better than the floor.”
“Quit being right,” Kyle mumbled, allowing himself to be helped back under the covers. Stan snagged his readers from the nightstand, flipping on the lamp and grabbing the thermometer too.
“Okay, melmë, let’s see.”
Kyle smiled a little. “You look like a dad.”
“I am a dad,” he reminded him. Even if he’d bemoaned needing reading glasses and his body getting softer with age, his sentimental side was happy he had made it this far in life, especially with Kyle at his side. “Our son is bouncing off the walls as we speak. Open.”
Down to 100.3, thank whoever the fuck was up there. Maybe he should be thanking Kyle’s God, not having any attachment to one of his own. When he’d first started AA and found that part of the whole thing was putting things in the hands of a higher power, he had posed the question of what to do if you weren’t particularly religious to his sponsor. Mark had said “hell, put your faith in the doorknob if you want. Got you in here, didn’t it?”
“What’s the damage?” Kyle inquired.
“Definitely better. You want to check your levels or can I?”
Kyle slowly opened his eyes. “I got it, sweetheart, you’ve been doing so much.”
“Because I want to.”
“I’m difficult.”
Stan brought Kyle’s hand up to his lips and kissed it. “It so isn’t your fault that you got sick, or that you hurt your knee, or that you have diabetes. In sickness and in health, right?” Kyle’s fond grin only grew, and Stan decided to let up on the overbearingness. He snatched Moose up quickly on the cat’s next lap around the room. “I’m filling your water and feeding the dragon, okay? Be right back.”
So he had sweat out most of the fever, it seemed like. Judging by how sticky he felt, Kyle was fairly certain he was over the worst. At least in terms of the fucking stomach flu. His leg was a different story.
It was dim in the bedroom with only a sliver of moonlight slipping through the window, and the soft light from the lamp, but he could feel that he’d aggravated his knee pretty bad. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. The cartilage felt like it was grinding when he shifted. Kyle groaned in frustration, debating trying to hop over to the closet for his brace, but deciding against it, because Stan would flip his lid if he saw him standing. And considering what his blood sugar was at, being vertical was a bad idea anyway.
Said husband returned to the room. “I come bearing gifts for the king!”
Dork. Freshly refilled water, a KMBS, sleeve of crackers. Stan presented the juice. “Your elixir, melda târ. And-“ he beelined for the top of the closet, clearly having read Kyle’s mind.
“Thank you, my most dutiful and trusted of knights.” Kyle let him secure the knee brace, watching as those careful, strong, gentle hands worked, as Stan leaned down to kiss his leg when he was done. His Stan. His sweet Sir Marshwalker.
“Oh, shit, dude, are you crying? Does it hurt that much?” Stan was up by his face again. Kyle shook his head.
“It’s not that; I just- I really fucking love you,” he sobbed.
“Aw, baby, come here.” Stan climbed into bed and wrapped around him again, avoiding touching his husband’s stomach or leg. A little jingle of Moose’s collar announced their boy’s return to the bedroom, a tiny *prrrt* as the cat settled back at Kyle’s side. “You’re not as warm as you were, Ky, I think you’re getting better. That’s good, my love, you’re okay.”
“I’m okay,” Kyle murmured against him, damp eyelashes tickling Stan’s chest. “You still don’t have a shirt on.”
Stan laughed. So he had noticed. “You complaining?”
“You know I’m not.”
#gaywads#bedtime stories with PCE#for Ana my love#OrangeJuiceVerse#again idk how to tag this#style#them#south park#my shit#emeto tw#illness#chronic pain#whump#more bullshit#lmm voice: look at my son#look at this i learned something today ass bitch#i spy an elf king#fanfiction#my wriitng#sorry for all the vomit in this dude#also this shit#self indulgent#as fuck#PCE stfu abt OJV Kyle’s bad knee#here we goooo#yea the title is a direct throam reference and I’m not sorry
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when i ask someone why would they prefer rhaenyra/aegon2 on the throne, if they answer with an argument like eldest son/viserys' will/bastardism instead of saying "i just love her/him more" they are getting BLOCKED
#i hate teams people so much they are literally braindead#and they are SO AGRESSIVE&DEFENSIVE#and the sad part is they can't enjoy characters uniqueness and inner conflicts bc they tryna black and white everything#anti team black#hotd#anti team green#fire and blood#literally no ones claim makes sense they re both unqualified ass hell#im sorry but esp team green do you guys know what you look like when you say “eldest son” shit#“but it should be judged by medieval standarts” nope it still sounds horrible#i love how its a story about monarchy and rich people destorying themselves for power and taking smallfolk with them#and bitches tryna pick teams#nobody was around for geneva convention i see
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youtube
yOu'Re gOiNg fOr a LiTeR? | "Habs react to Quebec Maple facts", 10.22.24
#guys this is not becoming a regular thing this is just the mental illinois breaking through but ALSO I SAW THIS AND SCREAMEDDDDD#they did this For Me. those are all my guys. like yes yes we know about xhekovský but that’s my adopted austrian son david reinbacher!!!#that’s my baby goalie carey price time travel cowboy son cayden primeau!!!! and i just LOVE that they were like#‘yeah so one of them is gonna be a bitch in both pairs. & yeah we’re gonna make them lose.’ & i am HERE for it. you know the media day vid#where they asked all of them who was brat on the team and like 75% said slaf which we all KNEW? yes. correct. even more evidence godddd#also empathize so much with him because i hate feeling stupid & he is notably like. a very smart guy w/good awareness of broader society#and sorry to get like this on a silly little post i’m about to fanfiction-ify before i have xhekovský hours but so much of this goes back#to the xenophobia in the nhl and how we treat players (not only that. people in north am/west tbh) whose first language is not english#and degrade/discredit them and their intelligence by virtue of their multilingualism and how we even think about multilingualism as a whole#e.g. the sense that certain languages are perceived as more ‘valuable’ capital/the support that SHOULD be there for language learning simpl#is not from what i can tell in the nhl so even if you wanted to foster an environment of intercultural competency they’re doing nothing to#support it. the stories!! of so many guys! reliant solely upon their teammates for basic necessities! WHERE is your language acquisition#programming. sorry the linguistics language and culture attempted to jump out there & i am not conveying what i want to say at ALL. anyway#juraj's slow descent into madness as u can SEE him visibly getting more & more over it & done is my roman empire. like he's having fun#at first he's laughing 'what is this whiskey?' & i AM thinking that toothy little grin at arber with the jerkoff hand motion about the mapl#syrup only taking a few minutes to come (out) was a dig. lord knows arber deserved it with his shorts pulled all the way up like GOD the me#you put here to wear slutty little 3" shorts live in cold CANADA and have to cover up their thigh tattoos. what a travesty. and the amount#of THIGH in this video i- biting. arber's hairy legs slaf's manspreading more as he gets frustrated & arber teases him i. and DAVID????#on a completely different note cayden with his face covered is giving me INTENSE brainworms i have the most unhinged storylines for him#AND THE BRYNDZOVE HALUSKYYYY everything past 2:00 is gold. david's tired sighs. slaf hating it here. arber having the time of his life#'taste' 'that's not an advantage' DAVID kill him. 'maple syrup specialist... normal guy 🤷' slaf you are the WORST loser and ily for it#arber defending his wife w/his life... juraj's the smartest guy in the room & arber's on his leash about it. it goes both ways (to be cont)#juraj slafkovský#arber xhekaj#david reinbacher#cayden primeau#montreal canadiens#i'm xhekovský posting leave me alone i'm also *****
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Oh dear where did he come from?
Heh it's your turn now to get an unsuspecting idiot (beloved) thrown your way now @lizardthelizard 😏💖💖💖
#solnight#my art#lampwickcore#fake/real#Son of a bitch I was gonna play one song from his playlist before working on Enchanté and that was what sealed my fate tonight JHKDSGFCL#SORRY NOT SORRY I LOVE THIS BASTARD SO BLOODY MUCH#I've been high on the Lampwick juice for days now and rotating ALL three of them in my head lately#Though will say drawing this is making me increasingly tempted to do one..... thing#BUT FOR NOW TAKE THIS FOOL <3333#I swear my style gets messier and sketchier everytime I post onto here BUT!!!!! I DON'T CARE!!!!#I'm hardcore digging this style rn and honestly it's been making me SUPER happy#ANYWAY LOVE YOU BYEEEEE
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Baby fever is on top these day. I might kidnapped one from their parents or get pregnant from first man who says hi
Great day to be single
#sena talks^#baby fever is so hard#yall dont understand#i literally cry when i see them#like i want to love all of them#“every bitch cant be your son” sorry but real
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supernatural should be more about people getting cannibalized. not enough of it in the show. metaphorically and literally. someone should eat those winchesters.
#amara should eat dean. Lucifer should eat sam. do you understand#(I also think Sam should eat Lucifer back I think this should be a thing between them I think one should bite and the other should scream#and it’s always up in the air which is doing which.)#(but that’s another post.)#more familial cannibalism too. when one of them dies sam or dean should be taking bites out of that body you know they should#I also think Jack should have eaten Castiel’s heart a little. or Lucifer’s.#oh my goddd lucifer dying and Jack eating him actually oh oh okay I’m gonna need a minute#bitches got me with the familial cannibalism I’m. 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫#want to combine that idea with Jack being forced/convinced by tfw to kill lucifer. when lucifer loves him. and will not hurt him.#perhaps he will hurt everyone else. but jack? he loves his son. he’d do anything for his son.#he will let Jack kill him if it makes this all easier for him.#and what else is Jack to do with his father lying there. gone. by his own hand.#he’s never going to get to have anything with lucifer. will never know if he could have really been the father he needed. he’s *gone*#I think that should be so distressing that Jack tears his vessel apart and eats his grace and his body and tries to let Lucifer#give him more of what he needs to survive. lucifer would want him to do this.#sorry uh. tangent.#anyway. cannibalism.#tw cannibalism#spn
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Astor - Charlatan Ranger🌿🍄
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 lb#bg3 oc#I love my drow son#I can't get over how cute he was with Wyll but I had to end them😭#sorry wyll but you deserve better & not this bitch
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Since you've been talking about Riku quite a bit lately I was just wondering - are there any of your mutuals' ocs that you think he would get along well with?
Alright I've been putting this off for like. Two months now because I've been really nervous about it (a good nervous) but fuck it I'm just gonna get this done!!!
OK so the short answer is yes. I'll be 100% honest whenever a mutual posts about their OC I am IMMEDIATELY thinking about how they'd vibe with Riku. I can't help it I think about him 24/7 and to be honest I think it's actually a fun exercise that helps build up characters to imagine how he'd get on with other people.
The longer answer is tough because I don't want to ramble on too long and also I feel. silly. enough so I'm gonna just limit it to a few of my mutuals OCs. Readmore cause this got kinda long but also let me say that you should absolutely check out all the OCs I mentioned because they're so cool and well thought out and just amazing :]
So the first one is Nico (latenitewaffles) OC Katsuro Sanada who has been spinning around in my head ever since Nico introduced him. He's such a cool guy and I get excited whenever Nico posts about him!! Katsuro is an Akishinji kid so obviously with Riku being a Yukamitsu kid, these two would have grown up together. I think they'd balance each other pretty well!! From what I know of Katsuro he's a pretty chilled low energy dude, which honestly Riku needs because that boy is like a comet. Full of energy fr fr. I feel like Riku would have also had a much better time as a kid because he would have had someone very close to his age as a friend. There would be a period of time where the two would be in Kosei together and unfortunately I feel like they wouldn't spend much time together because Riku would have shut himself off from everyone while he was dealing with Hatanaka's bullshit and at the same time Katsuro had all the stuff with Nakada going on too. They'd def make it up to each other afterwards though :] Also Riku 🤝 Katsuro -> having weird ass dreams involving moons and coffins and green skies.
The second one I'm picking I'm cheating a little and picking two of Rui's (wildcard-rumi) OCs Tobei and Aki! If you wanna read more about them I'd highly recommend Rui's fic its so so good. I know there's more OCs in their Persona group but these would be the two I know most about. I think Riku would vibe with them pretty well too!! I know Tobei dislikes being pitied for his illness and I think Riku would kinda get that. He'd have to stop himself from checking in on him every two minutes because he just really cares about his friends but I think Riku would definitely encourage him to try new things, although maybe his high energy might overwhelm Tobei a bit... As for Aki well Riku would honestly vibe with him so much, he'd probably beg Aki to get him to teach him skateboard tricks... only for him to fail spectacularly because he was way too over enthusiastic about it. Also I found it kinda funny there's a place in the fic called Riku Park which is connected to the Labyrinth (which is the Shadow world of Rui's fic) and I think Riku would constantly refer to it as his park and would probably try and convince people he bought it. Just to see the look on their faces 💀
The third one then I'm picking is Asuka Misty (misty-wisp) OC! Another OC I've been rotating in my brain since Misty dropped this fic with her. Initially I think Asuka would be weary of Riku. Cause like Asuka is a very anxious person (for good reason too girl's going through it) and Riku is well. Riku "is anyone gonna rush head first into this dangerous situation" then doesn't wait for an answer Kirijo. However, I think because Asuka is really good at reading people, she'd probably be one of the few people to pick up on the fact that Riku's ego is just a front for how insecure in himself he actually is and eventually I think they'd be good friends :] Also I'm pretty sure Asuka gets on very well with Ann and well Riku gets on extremely well with Ann so the three of them would vibe well with Ann acting as kinda the middle ground between the two.
OK I think that's like. The main ones I can think of where I know enough about the OC to talk about the potential Riku dynamic. A few honorable mentions would be (yusuke-of-valla) Alto's OC Ryuko, both her and Riku are theatre kid nerds and would probably sing + gush about Musicals together, Gabe (elijah-terry) OC Yuuha again they both love dancing so they'd vibe with that and also they have a black mask AU and thats all I can think of for now. I know there's other OCs I'm missing so I'm really sorry about that >.< But this was a really fun ask to think out thank you anon :] and I hope I did all my mutuals' OCs justice....
#asks#anonymous#god. this was fun#im really sorry i didnt tag anyone i am just extremely awkward.#and like i love gushing about people's ocs!! trust me!!#but like a) I know there's people i forgot and im really really sorry about that#and b) because its how they interact with RIKU its like. idk i feel a bit silly#im so sorry here i am gushing about my mutuals awesome ocs and i dont even have the guts to tag them 😭#but yeah go check everyone out their work is amazing <3#and to anyone i did mention... if i a) got the dynamic wrong im so sorry i was kinda going off what i knew about the ocs#and b) if y'all idk... ever wanna talk about this kinda thing... my askbox is open 🥺👉👈#this bitch riku needs more friends anyway#<- saying that with the energy of a grumpy dad trying to get his son to make friends
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I was reminded by my friend of the lore in Khajiit legends of Azura going to Mora for advice and knowledge (kind of being a mentor figure) and the two of them help maintain the tides and phases of the moons and all I can say is I think I need an Azura rper for my Mora so they can be friends
#🕮┆“out of character”╞ ᵗʰᵉ ᶜᶦᵖʰᵉʳ ᵇᵉʰᶦⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵒᵒᵏ#( moras such a son of a bitch but also i love him just vibin and being friends with some princes im sorry#im a simple creature sometimes#and the fact them being close is lore or at least a legend and i like to think legends to some extent are all true#with my mora )
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sorry i haven’t been online i’ve been hyperfixating on bolstering my dynasty in ck3
#on my fourth high king of ireland!! had a rough start since the vassals were all like you need a regent ☝️🤓 since your family has been rulin#g for so long#and i was like ugh fine for like a year and then i deposed my regent after she made me the scapegoat of making the crown a higher authority#(which she wanted me to do but i did it since i revealed that she was the one who forced 😋 my hand)#and then i had to wrangle the faction that came about after we lifted the crown authority and i tried to murder the earl who started it but#then i tinkered with my perks and did a feast with him as the honorary guest and made me him love me 😁#and then all was right#but now i have to figure out my succession since my wife decided to only birth sons (we have like five)#tried to get my second eldest to take his vows (become apart of the clergy) but he was like lol no i’m too ambitious for that pops#actually my third eldest since my second eldest did take his vows but now he’s my archbishop!!! so i’m like you still have lots of power if#u want dude!!! but now i’m going to have my two youngest take their vows (hopefully) but if not my heir might have to do some fratricide or#the like 😞#i at first wanted to set out on forming the empire of brittania but we’ve gotten super rich and famous just as the kingdom of ireland#also every monarch of england is super vulnerable (i would know considering i’ve killed six of them in murder schemes including one who was#my lover 🙄 sorry sybilla i just thought you were not cool for flipping me off after i won our game of chess just like super uncool you know#but if anything happens i will set my sites on the kingdom of alba since the king i was friends with just died but alba is almost as chaotic#as england like i married off one of my daughters to the king but then he got deposed in a liberation war (which he asked me to join him in#i did but i didn’t do anything to help since i hate raising my military since it takes such a big toll on my economy)#and i bought my daughter and her husband back to my court in ireland and the new king of england started bitching at me because he knew i#had him in my court and i was like well damn that sucks for you but im not letting this dude go if i know i have this boon on you 😁#(boon being his claim to the kingdom of england and all those duchies etc)#anyway i love political intrigue and making money it’s fun#dianna.moon
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could you please do an insta blurb with vivian hoorn?💕
cats & dogs - mv1
summary: every couple on the grid is getting dogs which leads to max’s girlfriend wanting one. the problem? he’s a cat dad and a cat dad only
folkie radio: with al the cat dad max talk and all the dogs on the grid this blurb came naturally ! i really hope you like it 💓
MASTERLIST | MY PATREON
liked by lilyhme, maxverstappen1 and 137,258 others
yourinstagram barcelona: lots of wine, baby winning but who’s surprised and the new love of my life, leo leclerc
tagged: maxverstappen1, alexandrasaintmleux
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username1 PRETTIEST GIRL
username2 dududu max verstappen play the dutch national anthem
francisca.cgomes Prettiest 😍
↳ yourinstagram have you seen yourself in the mirror?
charles_leclerc My son ❤️
↳ yourinstagram alexandra is def a single mother bc that beauty doesn’t come from you
↳ alexandrasaintmleux Exactly 🤩
↳ username1 LOVE THEM
username3 “but who’s surprised” 😭
username4 jimmy and sassy are jealous right now
scuderiaferrari We all love Leo Leclerc ❤️
↳ redbullracing Ariana what are you doing here?
↳ username2 THAT ADMINS ARE ON CRACK HELP
danielricciardo Be ready for your girl to beg for a puppy @/maxverstappen1
↳ username2 HEEEELP
maxverstappen1 New love of my life?
↳ yourinstagram im sorry baby he has charmed me now i need a dog
↳ maxverstappen1 Jimmy and Sassy (our kids) are patiently waiting for us at home thank you
↳ username4 MAX VERSTAPPEN GET YOUR GF A DOG
liked by danielricciardo, yourinstagram and 733,625 others
maxverstappen1 Triple header done ✅ Time to rest and get ready for the last races of the season before the summer #KeepPushing
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username1 CHAMPPPPP
username2 he’s so pretty istg
landonorris The friendship made it out of the triple header after all
↳ username2 LANDO PLASE 😭😭
danielricciardo Can you take me with you to St. Tropez?
↳ yourinstagram NO
↳ username3 yn must be tired of daniel always thirdwheeling
yourinstagram pretty boy. a champion. the goat. the world champion forever. most handsome man to grace this earth. the best to ever do it
↳ maxverstappen1 Flattery will get you nowhere
↳ yourinstagram I JUST WANT A PUPPY 😩
↳ username4 his cat person ass will never poor yn
liked by alexandrasaintmleux, maxverstappen1 and 188,254 others
yourinstagram our happy place forever 🫶 expect a very sunburnt maxie for the next gp
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username1 they own saint tropez
username2 BOYFRIEND MAXXXXX
lilyhme stunning 😍😍
username3 IS THAT JIMMY OR SASSY IN THE LAST PIC ??? AND MAX’S SHIRT I CANT
↳ username1 cat dad forever
alex_albon Team cats rule
↳ yourinstagram don’t do this i’m trying to convince him to get me a dog
↳ danielricciardo And I don’t think that’s working
↳ yourinstagram STFU 😭😭
username4 yn is stunning can max fight ??
↳ yourinstagram he can’t
maxverstappen1 1. I can fight
2. You’re the most beautiful girl ever
3. Why would you want a dog when we have Jimmy looking that adorable
↳ yourinstagram 1. you can’t 2. ilysm 3. JUST GET ME A DOG
↳ landonorris 1. i can confirm he can’t 2. you’re disgustingly cute 3. max don’t be a bitch get her a dog
↳ yourinstagram THANK YOU LANDINHO
↳ maxverstappen1 Nope
liked by yourinstagram, charles_leclerc and 1,022,735 others
maxverstappen1 My 🤍
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username1 AWE
username2 SIMP MAX MY HEART
redbullracing We love love ❤️
↳ yourinstagram ily too redbull admin
username3 max verstappen three time world champion uses instagram as a fanpage for his girlfriend
↳ username1 as he should
landonorris SIMP
↳ maxverstappen1 Don’t be jealous Lando
↳ yourinstagram you’ll never have him ����
danielricciardo How’s the dog searching going?
↳ yourinstagram your bff is being such a bad boyfriend right now
↳ maxverstappen1 I’m never a bad boyfriend :(
↳ yourinstagram get me a dog and you’ll be the best boyfriend ever
↳ username2 THIS IS SO 😭😭 just get yn a dog
yourinstagram love youuuu cat dad soon to be dog dad
↳ maxverstappen1 Never
↳ yourinstagram MAXIE PLEASE 😭😭
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yourinstagram he could be boyfriend of the year but he refuses to get me a dog
tagged: maxverstappen1
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username1 HEEEELP
username2 max verstappen the cat dad that you are
alex_albon 😂😂😂 Cat dads unite
username3 MAX LOOKS SO PRETTY I CANTTTT
victoriaverstappen I’m going to have a serious chat with him
↳ yourinstagram please do but bring the kids with you bc i miss them 🥲
charles_leclerc I hope Alex thinks I’m boyfriend of the year then
↳ alexandrasaintmleux Maybe 🥰
↳ yourinstagram ugh
username4 justice for jimmy and sassy
↳ yourinstagram they’re my kids and i love them i just want them to have a dog sibling
danielricciardo You boyfriend is a die hard cat person I don’t think that’s happening.
↳ yourinstagram did i ask? mind your business
↳ username1 HEEELP 😭
maxverstappen1 I could get you ten new cats if you wanted
↳ yourinstagram but i want a DOG
liked by yourinstagram, pierregasly and 1,026,337 others
maxverstappen1 Happy family
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username1 IMMM THIS IS TOO CUTE
username2 JIMMY AND SASSYYYYY
redbullracing Cat mom and dad 💙
↳ yourinstagram redbull admin i thought you were on my side..
username3 help he said we’re NAWT getting a dog
username4 yn is literally so pretty
landonorris Just get her the puppy man…
↳ maxverstappen1 There’s no need, we’re a happy family like this
↳ yourinstagram you’re so MEAN
victoriaverstappen You won’t be boyfriend of the year like this
↳ maxverstappen1 I know I will be anyways 🥰
↳ yourinstagram don’t get to confident dude
yourinstagram jimmy and sassy are my kids and i love them but we would be an even happier family with a puppy too
↳ username1 she’s not giving up
↳ username2 max verstappen get your girlfriend a dog
↳ maxverstappen1 I don’t think so ❤️
liked by username1, username2 and 34,735 others
f1updates “Yeah, my girlfriend has serious dog fever right now. Several guys have dogs but we’ve got cats. She keeps bringing up Pierre and his girlfriend recently getting a puppy too, an it’s definitely not helping my case as a cat dad.” -Max in the press conference today 😭
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username1 HELP ME
username2 he just REFUSES to get a dog
username3 he’s so annoying
username4 I LOVE CAT DAD MAX SO BAD UGH
username5 poor yn 😭
yourinstagram JUST GET ME A DOG PLEASE @/maxverstappen1
↳ username1 MAX JUST LISTEN TO YOUR WOMAN
↳ username2 cat dad forever
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yourinstagram airport looks, mad max and simba gasly who now has my heart 😩 my dog fever is through the roof idc
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username1 PRETTYYYYYT
username2 broooo mad max was mad maxing this weekend
username3 JUST GET YOUR GIRL A DOG @/maxverstappen
pierregasly My kid ❤️
alexandrasaintmleux Leo is sad right now
↳ yourinstagram MY BABY LEO i miss him so much
username4 jimmy and sassy feel betrayed
landonorris Just get the damn dog @/maxverstappen1
↳ yourinstagram THANK YOU
↳ maxverstappen1 Here we go…
username5 #maxgetyourgirlfriendadog
alex_albon I’m team Jimmy and Sassy
↳ yourinstagram ffs what part of they could be siblings do y’all not understand
username6 dog talk aside, yn is soooo pretty
maxverstappen1 I thought I had your heart
↳ yourinstagram you don’t have my heart right now because you won’t get me a dog
↳ username2 GOTCHA
↳ danielricciardo 😂😂😂😂
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maxupdates Happy Max with his Cat Dad bracelet !
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username1 AHHHH BABY
username2 CAT DAD FOREVER
username3 not when his gf wants a dog 😭
danielricciardo This is the spirit you’re trying to break @/yourinstagram
↳ username1 ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE
↳ username2 DANIEL WTF 😭😭
↳ yourinstagram 1. why do you follow fanpages of my boyfriend? 2. HE CAN BE A CAT DAD AND A DOG DAD
↳ username3 this is good
↳ maxverstappen1 Cat dad only
↳ username4 MAX 😭😭😭😭
↳ yourinstagram MAXIE IM BEGGING
liked by username1, username2 and 43,725 others
f1updates Max Verstappen was seen outside of a dog shelter with his girlfriend today!
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username1 OMFGGGGG
username2 HIS FACE I CANT 😭
username3 AHHH THEY’RE GETTING A DOG
username4 yn finally won
username5 DOG DAD MAX INCOMING
username6 he’s clearly happy about it
username7 team dog dad forever
liked by maxverstappen1, lilymhe and 202,322 comments
yourinstagram IM IN HEAVEN ❤️🥹🥹🥹
view all 4,022 comments
username1 FINALLYYYY
username2 ahhh i bet they adopted one of them i could cry
francisca.cgomes 🤍🤍🤍
username3 ARE YOU DOG PARENTS ALREADY???
↳ yourinstagram not yet but really sooooon maxie absolutely loved them 🥲
↳ username1 i knew there was a dog person deep inside of him
redbullracing We love to see it
↳ yourinstagram can christian horner be the godfather ?
↳ username1 HEEEELP
alexandrasaintmleux About time. Leo needed a pal
↳ francisca.cgomes What about Simba?
↳ yourinstagram my babies actually 🥲🥲
danielricciardo Persistence is key
maxverstappen1 The things I do for love…
↳ yourinstagram I LOVE YOU MAXIEEE
↳ username3 he’s boyfriend of the year now
liked by landonorris, yourinstagram and 1,386,257 others
maxverstappen1 I gave in. Welcome to the family, Jack Verstappen.
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username1 OMFGGGGGGGG
username2 MAX IS A DOG DADDD I CANT
redbullracing We finally have a RedBull kid in the Paddock playground 💙
↳ scuderiaferrari Leo leclerc >>>
↳ username3 the admins are wilding 😭
francisca.cgomes Such a cutie 🥹
victoriaverstappen Finally!!
username3 why jack tho
↳ yourinstagram in honor to the club in monaco and ofc max chose the name
↳ username1 HEEEELP
↳ username2 his obsession with naming his pets after monaco clubs…
alex_albon How are Jimmy and Sassy doing? 😂
↳ maxverstappen1 My poor kids…
↳ yourinstagram THEY’RE BESTIESSSS
landonorris God finally I was done with your gf yapping
↳ yourinstagram you’re so mean to me for no reason
danielricciardo If you need another one I can bark
↳ username1 DANIEL WTF
↳ maxverstappen1 Where did this even come from
yourinstagram MY BABY 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹
↳ maxverstappen1 Happy now?
↳ yourinstagram very ily
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yourinstagram BESTIES 🥰
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username1 IM CRYING
username2 POOR JIMMY 😭
↳ yourinstagram jimmy and jack are like this 🤞
alex_albon 😂😂😂😂
victoriaverstappen The best family
francisca.cgomes Jack is so cute my heartttt
username3 Patiently waiting for the Leo x Roscoe x Simba x Jack reunion
↳ yourinstagram they should create a band. one direction who?
landonorris why do i want a dog now
↳ maxverstappen1 Don’t mate
↳ yourinstagram oh stfu maxie you spend hours cuddling jack
↳ username2 BUSTED
username4 she really masterminded her way into getting a dog
redbullracing Jimmy and Jack. Icons
↳ maxverstappen1 Don’t forget about Sassy
↳ yourinstagram my girl 🥲
maxverstappen1 My kids ❤️ plus Sassy
↳ yourinstagram THERE HE ISSSS DOG DAD
↳ maxverstappen1 Cat dad first and foremost, always
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⋆⭒˚。⋆ SHE'S BACK!
GUESS HE COULDN'T KEEP IT IN, SO HE HAD TO KEEP IT INSIDE! ₊˚⊹♡ dilf!gojo satoru x teacher!reader
tags: smut, unprotected sex, breeding kink, exhibitionism, getting caught, he fucks you while he's on the phone, overstimulation, dumbfication, fluff, gojo has an ex-wife, yuuji is gojo's son, age-gap.
A/N: well, this was surely and adventure and maybe self-indulgent title because guess what?, i'm back baby.
It was a nice morning, he felt clean. Like his life was finally steadying. Even after some stressful weeks trying to get rid of his now ex-wife, he won the trial and kept Yuuji. Poor little boy, just turning 5 years old and he’s already facing all this type of stress. But thankfully he will not be experiencing enduring his crazy mother behavior. Which basically was a gold digger, and a bitch– Not that he would ever say that outloud, maybe with other words? Bastard? Witch? Not that it really matters right now.
He could finally take a break now, just focusing on raising his little boy, and being an old boring 31 year old dad. Life doesn’t sound that bad.
“Daddy! Daddy!,” His son went running to his arms, almost stumbling by himself- clear happiness shown on his face. Quickly, Gojo opened his arms ready to lift the young kid. “Miss Y/N congratulated me on my homework! She was pretty amazed!”
Your name wasn’t unknown to him, Yuuji was very open when talking about his favorite teacher, even though he hasn’t seen you yet- from what he’s been told you’re the kid’s favorite, including Yuuji’s. “I had to talk about who’s my hero, and I chose you!” If this day wasn’t going great, it was now. Because his son's comment just made his whole week, life even.
“Oh look dad!” The little boy pointed towards your moving frame, each time getting clñoser towards them. “Daddy, this is Miss Y/N!” Yuuji kept presenting the both of you. He was really excited to present his two favorite persons to each other- but all Gojo could think of what’s how young and beautiful you looked. He expected someone older, maybe even an old lady with wrinkles and that loving grandma vibes, but what he saw made his heart beat in a way he never thought he would feel ever more.
“Daddy? Are you paying attention?” The little boy gained Gojo’s attention back, face now looking at him again. “I’m sorry kiddo, kinda just zoned out there. What did you just say?”
“Uhh, what was it? Oh! Did I tell you Miss Y/N told me you were a very handsome man?”
“Yuuji!” His gaze moved towards your blushed face, a hand covering part of your face. “I’m so sorry Mr.Gojo, I didn’t intend to say-”
Gojo cut you off before you could continue apologizing “It’s okay, I also think Ms.Y/N is a very beautiful woman.”
Uh, well. So this is how kinda you found yourself in this situation right now.
You swear it wasn’t your intention! You really tried, you really did, but how could someone say no to Mr.Gojo? And mostly because he really showed his attraction towards you. Sending Yuuji with a rose for you every day, and the little boy was rooting for his dad, because dear god- he did not shut up about him, and how happy he would be with a new girlfriend and maybe one he could call ‘mommy’ and give him a sister.
That made you blush.
Not only because the little boy commented on it, and was agreeing- but because it was his dad’s idea.
“You’re so wet, s-shit.” Loud thrusts filled the room, he was fucking you raw on his sofa– waiting for Yuuji’s mom to bring him back, the little boy was eager to come back and ‘see Ms.Y/N and his daddy finally starting to fall in love’
Kids being kids. But, he was right- the both of you were falling in love with eachother.
Gojo throws back his head, immersed in the warmth radiating off your walls and he lets your moans take him to another world. In a haste decision, he slips your dress over your head before tossing it. He mouths at your tits, plump and stiff between his lips, and he hurdles a deeper round of thrusts inside you.
When you get a little too loud, his hand comes over to clamp your mouth, wolf like eyes staring back at you, “Shut it. You don’t deserve to speak.”
His thin white tee that stays a barrier between you and him does not hide the rippling body underneath that seemed to be sculpted by gods. He presses into you, grunting, using you like his personal sex doll and you embrace it, thrive from it, come to it. Your hips contract, slewing in perfect circles, before having your legs fall gradually lifeless as you arousal drip down your thighs.
“Ffffucckkk- oh baby, would you like that? Be full of me and my baby? Make me a daddy again?”
“yesyesyesyes, make me yours Mr.Gojo-”
He pays your climax no mind,a smirk clearly showing on his face while he fucks you on his sofa- You could muffle your screams of pleasure easier here. Turning your head back to face him, you notice now he’s shirtless–taut and shiny from sweat like a large set of Hawaiian rolls–before seeing how quick he is to fit back inside you.
“Good girl.” His husky voice resonates and pushes you back into the sheets. “Good girls get rewards, don’t they?” Your poor fucked up mind couldn’t think clearly now. The way your abused and overstimulated pussy was still taking his rock hard cock gratefully inside you was making every feel giddy. A sudden noise bringing back a little part of your senses, Gojo clearly grunting grabbed his what you suppose phone, and answered. Not bothering to stop his thrusts.
“Yeah?,” His voice sounded almost like a whisper because of how breathy it was. “Gojo? I’m almost at your house- Yuuji wanted some ice-cream and bought some for you and… your new girlfriend?” His chuckle interrupted his ex-wife’s conversation, accompanied with a whimper at the feeling of you clenching on him- overstimulation clearly bringing you back to climax soon again.
A slap was heard from his part of the line, an unbelievable laugh coming from his ex-wife line, clearly noticing what was going on and then she finally heard you moan. You couldn’t keep it in anymore, and you were too fucked out to feel embarrased about it right now.
“Finish before I leave Yuuji- Enjoy yourself.” Gojo was so lost in pleasure that he didn’t even realize she hung up before he even processed what happened.
His grunts and sounds of skins slapping are all you hear as he pounds you back into the sofa. It feels like heaven beneath his weight. You were feeling flushed to the touch, but making contact with his skin was like an inferno. He was the embodiment of heat and as suffocating as that could’ve been, it melts you like it’s how it always should’ve been.
His pace eventually falters, followed by a hushed “fuck,” and he empties out into your used hole. The moment he pulled out, a knock was heard.
“Shit. Can you walk?”
PART 2
#gojo satoru smut#gojo satoru#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk smut#gojo smut#satoru smut#gojo x reader#gojo x reader smut#gojo satoru x reader#gojo jujutsu kaisen#geto smut#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen spoilers#toji smut#gojo x you#smut
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