#i love them ah i love them! they're so devastating!

[belovedstill]

trustworthy (ao3) svsss, qijiu | T | 1.9k, pre-canon, temporary amnesia, hurt & comfort, memories, hopeful ending, mu qingfang is also here because apparently i can't have an 'all ships week' fic without him. good. (more on ao3)

“Xiao Jiu?” he asks in a gentle tone. Shen Qingqiu’s eyebrows furrow in concentration, but soon untense once more in resignation. “I don’t know who that is,” he confesses. And then, with a look begging for something, he adds, “I don’t know who you are, either. All I know is, I have this feeling that I can trust you.” — in which Shen Qingqiu temporarily loses all his memories as an after-effect of a qi destabilisation and Yue Qingyuan has to bear his own feelings and realisations.

written for @ficwip's all-ships ship week event, posted belatedly for day 4's prompts of "dreams/memories" & "Do I know you?". check the event out and join us in celebrating your ship 🥰 this fic was also inspired by this post

Full fic on ao3 & under the cut

It's a spring morning and Yue Qingyuan wakes up with unease. He usually does, but this morning it's more prominent. When an hour later the Qing Jing Peak’s head disciple runs into Qiong Ding like the world's ending, he finally learns why.

Shen Qingqiu woke up that morning without memories. He doesn't recognise any of his disciples. Doesn't know where he is. Doesn't remember his own title or age, or even his name.

Yue Qingyuan sends the head disciple with a frantic summon to Mu Qingfang and flies on his sword straight to the Bamboo House.

He catches sight of Shen Qingqiu peeking out the window of his personal room. Shen Qingqiu is very tense as he stands near the wall, stealing glances at the world around the house. When their eyes meet, he tenses even more and steps away. From the glimpse he's caught, Shen Qingqiu looks like the last time he ever saw his Shen Jiu, haunting his every dream—lost, panicked, trying to keep a brave and challenging face.

There’s no time to waste.

Just as he reaches the door to the house, Mu Qingfang catches up to him, looking just as ruffled as he himself feels. There's still no sign of Shen Qingqiu‘s head disciple.

Mu Qingfang knocks.

The muffled rustling from inside comes to a hectic stop.

“Is Shen-shixiong inside?” Mu Qingfang asks.

He nods.

“Qingqiu-shidi,” he calls in a tone as gentle as possible which will still reach him through the door. “It's Yue-shixiong and Mu-shidi. These ones have heard there may be some need for our assistance. Please, open the door.”

“What exactly happened?” Mu Qingfang asks as they wait for any sound from the inside.

“I don't know much. He woke up with his memories gone.”

“Is he still his age?”

“From what I could see, he is. Why is Shidi asking—?”

The door opens just a smidge; they instantly quieten down and look on.

“This Mu-shidi greets Shen-shixiong,” Mu Qingfang says with a polite bow. “May he and Zhangmen-shixiong come in?”

Shen Qingqiu looks at him with distrust so obvious on his face, it’s like it’s a treasured piece of jewelry. It looks nearly comfortable on his face. Lived-in. Not forced at all. As if he hasn’t hidden even the smallest emotion for years from anybody who isn’t himself.

His fan is nowhere in sight.

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes find Yue Qingyuan’s then and time seems to stop for just a moment. His eyes widen, his lips part just slightly.

“Shidi,” Yue Qingyuan says softly through the hope expanding in his throat.

Shen Qingqiu’s grip on the door relaxes. Slowly, he pulls the door open and steps back.

Mu Qingfang gives him another courteous bow and steps inside, but Shen Qingqiu only spares him a short glance and fixes his eyes back on Yue Qingyuan.

The look carries the weight of expectation. For once, it doesn’t feel like a noose on his neck.

He steps into the bamboo house with a gentle smile. “Thanking Qingqiu-shidi.”

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes lower.

From that point on, Mu Qingfang takes over — he’s not the peak lord of Qian Cao for nothing. He introduces them both and explains his role in the sect without making it seem like it’s anything but a routine small talk, mentions Shen Qingqiu’s own role and him having disciples, and how one of them became worried earlier and called for help to aid him in this shocking, for sure, development.

“If Shen-shixiong allows, this Mu-shidi would like to check on the state of his meridians by performing a non-invasive qi examination.”

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes immediately fly to Yue Qingyuan.

Yue Qingyuan’s chest constricts. He offers a delicate nod.

Shen Qingqiu clears his throat, then looks back at Mu Qingfang. “I allow.”

Mu Qingfang explains every step of the process as he holds out his hand and requests Shen Qingqiu to offer his own. Shen Qingqiu complies, once again looking tense. Seeing the inside of his wrist uncovered, Yue Qingyuan is struck with the feeling that, even if non-invasive, a qi-examination looks frighteningly intimate. While his eyes are fixed on the point where the tips of Mu Qingfang’s fingers touch Shen Qingqiu’s wrist, he feels heavy eyes rest on him, unblinking.

He looks up. Their eyes meet again. Neither looks away.

“Interesting,” Mu Qingfang mutters, then describes some further examination he wants to do and explains what he’s about to do every step of the way.

Minutes pass like this. Shen Qingqiu doesn’t look away from him unless it’s required for an examination.

Eventually, Mu Qingfang steps away and addresses them both.

“Shen-shixiong’s state is not dangerous nor permanent. His qi seems to have been disturbed in his sleep, but it’s becoming stable again. His mind is a little preoccupied with the disturbance, and in an effort to protect him from any perceived potential harm, it’s protecting his memories by holding them locked behind a spiritual barrier. It shouldn’t be tempered with; it’ll unlock by itself when Shen-shixiong’s qi stabilises fully.

“His memories are locked, but his heart and body remember,” he continues, giving Yue Qingyuan a look. “He should spend the remaining time resting, but it’s not discouraged he does so in the company of somebody he trusts.”

That Shen Qingqiu doesn’t immediately object—that he doesn’t object at all—needles at Yue Qingyuan’s heart.

When Mu Qingfang leaves, Yue Qingyuan dares a step closer.

“Xiao Jiu?” he asks in a gentle tone.

Shen Qingqiu’s eyebrows furrow in concentration, but soon untense once more in resignation.

“I don’t know who that is,” he confesses. And then, with a look begging for something, he adds, “I don’t know who you are, either.”

Yue Qingyuan freezes on the spot. He thought that, maybe, Shen Qingqiu’s memories of the past were the ones that remained… Ever since he opened the door, he looked at him like Xiao Jiu looked at his Qi-ge, way back when…

“All I know is,” Shen Qingqiu continues, barely above a whisper, “I have this feeling that I can trust you.”

Yue Qingyuan’s heart stutters.

“I can trust you.”

Thump-thump, goes his heart.

“You have to come back for me! Promise me, Qi-ge!”

“I promise.”

Thump-thump.

“I should have known you’d forget about me. Did you plan to leave me from the start?”

“No, I’d never—”

“Liar.”

Thump-thump.

“Xiao Jiu—”

“Don’t call me that. Don’t talk to me.”

“Yue—?” Shen Qingqiu stutters over the word, clearly unfamiliar. “You, are you alright?”

“—but his heart and body remember.”

…

After everything that’s happened, he still…?

Shen Qingqiu shifts. “Should I call the healer—?”

“No need,” Yue Qingyuan says, shaking his head.

Shen Qingqiu pats the place on the bed next to him. He takes it. They sit in silence that’s neither comforting nor uncomfortable.

Shen Qingqiu hasn’t used their titles. He can skip them, too.

“I’m Yue Qingyuan,” he says. “I used to be called Yue Qi. And your name is Shen Qingqiu. You used to be known as Shen Jiu. We knew each other as children.”

Shen Qingqiu’s face clears off all remaining confusion. “So that’s why,” he mutters to himself, then turns to Yue Qingyuan with—

—with a smile.

“We’ve known each other that long?”

It’s heavy, knowing that there’s still trust, buried somewhere deep enough not to be forgotten or hidden, something elemental enough to remain when everything else is gone. Something undeserved, yet still existing even when not nurtured.

He swallows the knot in his throat. “There were some years we spent apart.”

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t look like he minds.

But he will, once he remembers.

I must tell him, he thinks, looking at the face he knows so well, unfamiliarly relaxed. You’re taking advantage, Yue Qi.

“I’m glad we’re back together, then.”

The confession lodges in his throat and refuses to budge. It’s the first time since—

No.

It’s the first time in his life that he has seen Shen Qingqiu, under any name, look so content. If he can stay this way even just for a moment, who is Yue Qingyuan to take this away from him?

“You’re the lord of this peak,” he says instead. “Would you like to go outside and see it? I could show you the rest of the sect, too, if you wish.”

A look flashes over Shen Qingqiu’s face and his posture tenses. “I don’t want to leave this place.”

“—his heart and body remember.”

“We can stay in, then,” Yue Qingyuan assures right away. “You tend to keep tea in this place. I could make some for us…?”

What’s happened here that I’ve missed? he thinks. What scares you? What worries you? What has you locking yourself in?

You happened, he answers himself right away. You’ve brought him here, you’ve failed to protect him, you’ve failed to make this place safe for him.

Not that he hasn’t tried. But when his offers of help have been rebuffed time and time again—

“I’d like that,” Shen Qingqiu says thoughtfully. “I think I enjoy tea.”

So Yue Qingyuan heats the water and finds the tea kettle and two tea cups. And when he looks for Shen Qingqiu’s remarkable collection of tea leaves, he stills in surprise.

All but several jars have not yet been opened, and the one that’s nearly incomparably used up is—

“Does Zhangmen-shixiong truly think so little of this shidi that he’d try to buy his time with gifts?” Shen Qingqiu asked him when Yue Qingyuan held out the jar of fragrant tea leaves with both hands in an offering.

Yue Qingyuan said, “Of course not, this shixiong would never dare. He only deems today an occasion too important not to celebrate.”

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes narrowed over the edge of his fan. “And what would that occasion be?”

He smiled. “The anniversary of Shen Qingqiu’s chosen birthday, of course.”

A huff. “Pathetic.”

After that, when asked if the tea was up to his taste, Shen Qingqiu claimed he’d thrown the leaves away. Yue Qingyuan had no reason not to believe him.

He holds the familiar jar in his hands as the image of Shen Qingqiu’s lack of regard he’s built over the years in his mind shatters.

If that was a lie, what else was?

What are you thinking? he wants to ask. What are you feeling? Why won’t you tell me?

You haven’t told him, either, he reminds himself right away.

He opens the jar and puts some of the remaining tea leaves into the kettle, then pours in the hot water.

Shen Qingqiu is already kneeling at the low table, waiting for him. In the light filtering through the window, wearing fewer layers than usual, with his hair guan nowhere to be seen, he looks like a dream longed for yet forgotten upon the first morning blink.

Yue Qingyuan places the tea set between them and settles at the table.

When your memories are back, he vows inwardly—to Shen Qingqiu, to himself, to the gods themselves—as he fills their cups with the fragrant tea, I’ll bring you more.

And I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything.

And I hope you’ll tell me everything, too.

[ohnoitstbskyen]

One of the more interesting theories I've seen is "The Arcane is a metaphor for The Narrative, and Act 3 is about the characters breaking away from the path the Arcane set for them". (Admittedly, there's still a good chance that they're going to become something close to their League selves, but for the sake of the fic, "League Canon" is different from "The Predetermined Path The Arcane Has In Mind".)

I mean, that's definitely A Way™ to try and thematically integrate something like Ekko's time travel into the story... but I don't think they should or will do that, because it kinda flies in the face of everything Arcane has otherwise been about.

Arcane has been about how class and systems of power push people to act in certain ways, it has been about privilege and deprivation, it has been about how cycles of violence and trauma forcibly replicate themselves under oppression, and it has been about the ways in which all of those things can push people to become the worst versions of themselves with the absolute best of intentions.

See Silco and Vander both acting out of love for their cities to try and make the best future they can for their children and fellow citizens, and the consequences of both their methods. See Viktor and Jayce trying their damndest to invent something that will make the world better, vs the pain and devastation their Hextech causes in the world.

Season 2 goes HARD on this too - Caitlyn being enabled and very actively pushed by her class position to turn her grief and trauma into authoritarian oppression, Vi letting guilt and obligation push her into becoming a part of it "for the greater good" because she's desperately trying to live up to what Vander taught her by example.

And saying "ah, no wait actually, it is The Narrative Of The Fiction that is causing this to happen to us!" very badly undercuts all of that. The whole narrative up until this point has been about how bad systems make monsters out of good people, and to pull back the curtain, Wizard of Oz style, and find that it was just A Guy doing it, some wilful entity imposing a narrative on the world... that's a very different kind of story.

At worst, it would turn Arcane into metanarrative wank - a corporation jerking itself off over its IPs and cinematic universe, or writers jerking themselves off over how important and powerful writing is, why, it is the most powerful force in the entire world of our fiction! (looking at you, Game of Thrones Season 8).

From the very start, what I have feared the most is that Riot would turn Arcane into a story not about its characters, but a story about the League of Legends™ family of exciting and highly engaging intellectual properties which we are excited to leverage in a cross-brand synergistic market activation. A story whose ultimate point is "buy League of Legends skins and get excited for Phase 2 of the League of Legends Cinematic Universe!"

So yeah... I would like The Arcane to be a thing inside of its own universe and bound by its rules, not a thing which represents the commercial concerns of the world we live in. I hope you are not correct about that interpretation.

[somerandomdudelmao]

Okay okay hear me out.

We all know that Donnie was devastated to discover what happened to his brothers. But in light of the most recent update, new meaning has been added to the panels of him watching their deaths' play out.

Look at him here. At first glance, it simply seemed that Donnie was grieving the loss of his brothers. "We lost. They're all gone. My dumb dumb brothers sacrificed themselves. I'm alone."

BUT after today's update, we realize that NOOO he's not just regretting that they're gone, he's BLAMING HIMSELF. Not only is he sad, he feels GUILT.

Looking back, his face clearly says, "I could have stopped it. I could have saved them. I failed. This is my fault."

"If I had been with you, the outcome might have been better." What hurts is that Don is RIGHT. He WAS the keystone of the resistance. Everything does indeed fall apart soon after he's gone (hence the episode name). It's a cruel, ironic twist on Survivor's Guilt-- because in that timeline he didn't survive. He was gone. And he blames himself for being gone.

We often talk about Future Leo's guilt over the apocalypse, but Future Donnie's guilt is not to be taken lightly. It actually makes a LOT of sense for him to blame himself for his family's deaths. We know that all dear Donton has ever wanted is validation for his tech, and his tech is his way of expressing to his family that he loves them. Ergo, all Donnie wants is to make tech to protect his family to Show Them That He Loves Them.

This is probably why he opened up to Raph, all but admitting his guilt over the less-than-perfect security system: it was like saying he and his love failed to protect them for long.

The character analysis deepens~

Here (and throughout all of The Little Things, really) we see him taking steps to make sure his brothers (and the resistance) will be taken care of. Delegating everything, even The Little Things (ah HA) all to ensure that all he does for them (to prove his love, of course) continues to happen.

Even here, when Donnie has been hanging onto life for so long that the Kraang are shocked he's still alive, Donnie wants to help. He could not "sit here and listen to them get killed," because he is Donatello, and he loves his family. Cass, you said it yourself: Violence is his love language. Rushing into battle, decimating the Kraang, saving his family. Because he may be dying, he may be clinging to life by a few threads, but he is Hamato Donatello and he loves his family.

But in the end, that's what he does. In the end, he DOES sit there and watch them get killed. Watches with his very own tech. One. By. One. They. Die. And deep down, Donnie thinks that if he would have been there, he could have found a way to make a generator NOT from Raph's heart. That he could have supported Mikey enough to keep him from disintegrating. That he could have protected Leo in those final, self sacrificial moments.

Donatello blames himself for not being there for his brothers. He blames himself for his tech not being flawless enough. He blames himself for dying on them.

Which is why he won't rest until they're ALL back home.

He is Mr. "I Can Fix This", so of COURSE he's going to fix this.

And afterwards, when his family is SAFE and HOME and TOGETHER he's going to apologize for "letting them die" and he's FINALLY going to get some SENSE knocked into his OWN dumb dumb brain (probably by Dr. Delicate Touch). His brothers love him because he's DONNIE. I cannot WAIT for the moment when they make him realize that they didn't miss his tech, they missed HIM. He's gonna realize just how utterly loved he is and I'm so excited for you, Cass, to show us that moment.

(I apologize; this got out of hand quickly, but the analysis has been bouncing around my head all day and I NEEDED to share it)

OH THIS IS ONE GREAT ANALYSIS RIGHT HERE

[toomuchracket]

costumes (birthday party!matty x reader smut)

day 30 of promptober, and we're coming full circle on toomuchracket with some smut for these two! this is actually incredibly smutty, but kinda cute too - basically, matty's scientist halloween costume is really bloody doing it for you. enjoy! <3

"text me so i know you're home safe, yeah?"

"of course, babe. thanks for having us," your friend kisses your cheek, before being pulled away by her fiancé towards the waiting taxi. "and don't forget - bridesmaid dress shopping next week!"

"like you'd let me forget!" you shout after her. "bye, darlings!"

you wave until the gate closes behind them, and you're about to shut the front door when you hear matty call from the bottom of the steps down to the living room. "ah! wait a second before you close that door, please, sweetheart."

"why, baby?" your brow furrows, as your boyfriend walks slowly up towards you, the lab coat he's wearing as part of his scientist costume blowing slightly in the breeze from the open door. "d'you need fresh air, or something?"

matty smiles softly, leaning against the concrete wall when he reaches you and the landing. "nah. just wanted to look at you in the moonlight, s'all. you're glowing, babe."

"you- stop it, you're making me blush," you huff out; not in irritation, but rather slightly self-consciously, arms wrapping around your body as if to shield it from your boyfriend's gaze. you know he means it - he's complimented you in a similarly devastating way almost daily for the past eight months, after all - but you can't help but be overwhelmed by it. and by matty in general, actually.

the boyfriend in question giggles, and the love in his eyes is unmistakable even in the dim, pale moonlight. "but it's true! you're ethereal. apt, i guess, given the angel costume. which i still think is lovely, even if it is just white lingerie and a halo. not that i'm saying you shouldn't have worn it - not at all, my god, you look perfect - but i'd have appreciated a warning, sweetheart. thought my knees were going to give way when you walked into the kitchen earlier."

the memory of matty's face when he first saw you tonight crosses your mind, pulling a satisfied hum from your throat as it does. you'd suspected the white silk babydoll dress would have an effect on him, but not to the extent it did; he's pretty good at keeping his cool whenever you rile him up around your friends (inadvertently or not), but he almost dropped his wine glass in time with his jaw when you entered the room, eyes widening under his glasses.

those fucking glasses.

"mine almost did, too, baby," you gently close the door and walk slowly towards your boyfriend, swaying your hips very deliberately so your dress swishes and exposes your bare thighs.

just as you'd intended, matty's eyes lock onto your legs, pretty lips parting in desire - annoyingly, though, he snaps out of your little trance to look up at your face and smirk. "well, those heels are really high, sweetheart."

"i mean, yeah, but that's not the reason my legs almost gave out, baby," you smile as you reach matty, moving to lean your back against the wall beside him, looping your arms around his shoulders and tugging him into you. shifting your weight onto one leg (and winking at your boyfriend when he holds your waist to steady you), you cheekily slide the side of your foot up the side of his shin. "do you like my heels, though?"

matty's breath catches in his throat, which he has to clear before he speaks. "they're… yeah, they're sexy. i like them a lot. but," he regains control of himself again, which would irk you if he wasn't so sexy when he's self-assured. "if it wasn't the shoes that affected you, darling, then what was it? or who, perhaps?"

the smirk drops from your face, while a shit-eating grin appears on matty's. you sigh, twirling his curls around your fingers. "you're really going to make me admit it?"

"you know i like it when you tell me what gets you going, darling," matty's hands slide down your hips and up under your dress, coming (home) to rest on your ass. you shiver, partially from his cool touch, partially from the way his lips ghost up your neck. "come on. open up, gorgeous."

"it - oh, i like that," you whimper as your boyfriend sucks a bruise above your clavicle. "jesus, fuck… ok, fine, it was your glasses that got me."

matty's head snaps up to look at you immediately; you pout at the loss of his lips on your skin. "my glasses?"

"yeah," you look at the ground, feeling the heat of a blush creeping up your cheeks. "i think they're really sexy."

"really? in what way?"

you nervously peek at matty, expecting to see him smirking smugly at you - you're pleasantly surprised to see he looks genuinely curious. "promise you won't laugh?"

your boyfriend nods. "cross my heart."

"alright. well," you begin, smiling shyly at him. "this is kinda porny…"

you don't think you've ever seen matty's eyes light up so quickly in your life. boys, honestly.

"...but you look like a really hot nerd tonight, and i haven't stopped thinking about, like, pretending to sneak you into my bedroom so you can help me with my biology homework. reproduction," you giggle nervously at how daft you sound. "i know it's silly. but it's all i can think about."

matty's hands pause their gentle kneading. he stays silent, looking at you with an unreadable expression in his eyes and the faintest hint of a smile on his lips.

that smile should make you feel alright about your fantasy, but it's matty. he's never quiet. neither are you, in this moment, panic making you babble. "but like obviously we've never tried roleplay and actually i don't know if i'd even like it i just think in theory it's hot and of course if you're not into it we can just forget i ever said anything and never address it again and-"

"darling," matty firmly cuts off your rambling, which you're actually quite thankful for given that your body's oxygen supply is rapidly depleting with every word. "does this make it seem like i'm not into it?"

his hands slip to the backs of your thighs and lift you up, eliciting a squeak from you as you automatically wrap your legs around your boyfriend's waist. he grinds his hips into you, as slow as dripping honey, and all nerves about his response to your admittance slip out of your mind, under the front door, off into the cold night.

matty's hard. really hard.

it's your face's turn to light up. "you like my daydream, then?"

"wanna make it a reality, sweetheart," matty smiles, kissing you - long and slow, just the way you like it. he blinks quite adorably when he pulls away for air. "right now, if you'll let me."

"please," you breathe against his lips. "been waiting for everyone else to fuck off all night so you could take me to bed."

"oh, sweet girl, you needed me that much?" matty coos, grinding into you again as he does. "let's go and do something about that, then."

with that, you set off, matty carrying you through the house to the bedroom with surprising speed. you don't know why you're surprised, though - you've done this too many times to count since that first night you got together. a happy little hum leaves your lips as you remember that night - the best of your life, it has to be said - and how desperate you were for matty to fuck you. nothing's changed on that front; you don't think it ever will.

he's gotten better at laying you down on the bed, though. instead of the graceless chucking of your first time, matty sets you down gently at the end of the bed and crawls over you, caging your body to the mattress and locking his lips onto yours. it's not a sweet kiss, by any means; his teeth sink deliciously into your lip, just the perfect amount of painful, and his tongue follows, soothing the bite and adding the pleasure. matty kisses like he does everything in life, with total conviction and determination, and you can't get enough. so much so that you can't stop yourself whining when he pulls away.

"oh, you are needy today, darling," matty smirks. "i love it. and i love you."

"i love you," you sit up on your elbows to kiss him again. "make me feel good, please?"

"always," matty kisses your forehead, hands trailing up to your shoulders, dexterous fingers sliding under the straps of your dress. "may i?"

for the second, but likely not the last time tonight: "please."

he obliges, sliding the straps and cups of your lingerie down, gently lifting your hips to slide the silk off your body and throw it carelessly to the floor. half-naked, you rest back on your elbows and just drink in the way matty looks at you with a cocktail of adoration and sheer want in his eyes; an odd mix, really, but you think it's delicious.

and as content as you are to have him look at you like that, you'd be more content reminding him of how delicious you are. careful that your stilettos don't catch on the bedsheets, you pull your knees closer to you and spread your legs. "i think i'm ready to begin my lesson now."

matty smirks. it's devastatingly attractive. "will you be a good girl for me?"

you steal his line. "always."

"that's what i like to hear. gold star for you, darling," he leans forward to kiss you again, but springs back quickly to gawk at you. "wait a fucking minute."

"what?"

that bloody smirk again. "this is all to do with your academic validation thing, isn't it?"

that's the thing about matty - he knows you better than you know yourself. shit. the blush returns full force to your cheeks, burning enough to heat your whole naked body on this chilly october night. "fuck. probably. is that a turn-off?"

"is it fuck," matty scoffs. he cups one of your tits, smiling at the way you jerk when he gently squeezes it. "i fucking love praising you, baby, almost as much as i love getting you off. and i'm about to do both of those things. yeah?"

"yeah," you reply breathily, as his other hand comes up to your other tit. "fuck, that's good."

matty hums happily. "lesson number one, gorgeous," he quickly pushes his glasses back up his nose, and you clench your thighs at the sight. "breasts. a quick lesson, because they're not too involved in the stage of reproduction we're learning about today, but," he takes one of your nipples into his mouth, smiling around the bud as you moan. "they're fun to play with during it. understand?"

your head is spinning, and he hasn't even properly done anything yet; you force it to nod, pre-empting his request for verbal answers and squeaking out a "yes". jesus. telling matty about this fantasy was a great idea.

he seems to think so too, sliding his hand down your body and beaming when he makes contact with your soaked underwear. "oh, sweetheart, i think i'm going to need a closer look at this."

"wait," you sit up quickly as matty prepares to shuffle further down the bed, carefully taking his glasses off and putting them safely on the bedside table. "there we go."

matty's brow furrows. "but i need those?"

you smirk. "not if you're going get up close and personal with me, you don't. feel free to put them back on later, though!"

"fair enough, darling," matty moves to kneel on the floor at the foot of the bed, tugging you towards him by the calves. "let me just… uncover the next specimen for analysis, yeah?"

with a giggle, you lift your hips so your boyfriend can slide your panties off; with a wink, he puts them in the breast pocket of his lab coat, and spreads your legs again. there's something really fucking hot about matty being fully clothed while you're naked, save your heels, and you feel the heat shoot straight to your core; it must show visibly, too, because matty groans as he looks at your cunt from millimetres away. "a fucking perfect specimen. and," he presses a kiss to your inner thigh as he looks up at you. "already nicely aroused. very nicely, to be precise."

fuck. this is doing it for you far more than you expected, probably because matty's committing to the bit so much. not that you'd expect anything less from him, but it's good that he's having just as much fun with this as you are.

the praise makes you preen. "all for you, baby."

"good girl."

another gush. matty's face lights up. "beautiful," he smiles at you, that full-face beam you'd do absolutely anything to see, and your heart feels like it might pack in from how much you love him. "and more than ready for our next lesson. are you happy to continue, sweet girl?"

"eagerly so."

"ideal. now, this section isn't strictly intrinsic to the act of reproduction, but i maintain that if you aren't including it you don't deserve to reproduce. or do anything at all, for that matter," matty says matter-of-factly, and you have to cover your mouth to prevent bursting into laughter and killing the mood. "female pleasure. i assume you're familiar with the sensation, darling?"

"extremely."

your boyfriend can't help himself. "too fucking right you are, my girl," he clears his throat and composes himself. "anyway. clitoral stimulation - often overlooked or deeply misunderstood by the male subspecies, a truth you'll unfortunately likely also be familiar with, but extremely pleasurable to the receiver and giver if done correctly. there are multiple methods of stimulation; one of the most common is digital. that is, with the digits, like so."

as his sentence draws to a close, matty's calloused thumb quickly finds your clit and begins circling slowly. as soon as he makes contact with the bundle of nerves, a choked moan escapes your lips, the first of a series of sounds your boyfriend draws out of you as he varies tempo and pressure of his hand movements. an epicurean symphony isn't the only thing matty manages to draw out of your body as he works your clit; after a few minutes and several rough kisses to your inner thighs, you can feel an orgasm building within your body, matty seemingly pulling pure pleasure out of your very bones through your clit.

agonisingly, just as you open your mouth to warn him of your imminent climax, he slows down his circling. "of course, other methods may be preferred dependent on the individual giver. for example, in my own personal opinion, the superior form of clitoral stimulation is… oral."

jesus christ.

you're barely able to inhale a full breath before matty's mouth is on you, and you lose it all anyway by screaming as his lips and tongue suck and lick and flick at your clit. he's relentless, all composure gone, tugging you impossibly closer to his eager mouth as he all but makes out with your just-as-eager cunt. the pleasure builds again inside you, faster this time, and you can feel yourself beginning to teeter on the precipice of orgasm when…

he fucking pulls away again. the bastard.

you whine, and matty kisses your lower stomach in what appears to be apology. "i know, sweetheart, i know," he coos, thumb feather-light on your clit. "you're being such a good girl for me, learning all your lessons so well. one more lesson to go, my darling, and then i'll make you feel good without interruption, yeah?"

"promise?" you croak out.

"i promise, sweet girl," matty nods. "because this is where it starts to get a bit more like the classic act of reproduction - we're introducing penetration. now," he slides two fingers up and down your cunt, covering them in your wetness and pressing them on the sides of your clit, making you jolt. "this can be done as an independent act, but i think it's a lot more gratifying - and fun - to pair it with the oral stimulation from before. start with the penetration," matty slowly pushes his fingers inside you and thrusts them back and forth, both your jaws dropping at the feeling. "my god, that's good - and then add your mouth back into the equation, like so."

he literally announced it was coming, and still the feeling of matty's lips on your clit as he finger-fucks you has you screaming. if you could keep your eyes from rolling back into your head at the sheer amount of pleasure coursing through your body right now, you'd maybe notice the way matty's concernedly flick up to your face to make sure you're alright - when he confirms your screams are the good kind, his eyes soften, but the black lust within them doesn't disappear. if anything, it gets darker the closer your boyfriend pushes you to the edge, the inaudible analytical murmurs of "you can add another finger for extra stimulation" and "hook them inside to stimulate the g-spot" and god knows what else vibrating through your clit and into your already-fraught nervous system.

it's almost too much for you to handle. your jaw is locked in place, throat muscles tightened to the point where anything but a strangled moan is unable to escape your lips, fingers practically threaded into the sheets themselves as if it's the only thing stopping you from floating away on a cloud of complete ecstasy. ironically, since he's the one making you feel so ecstatic, it's actually matty that's keeping you tethered to this earthly plane - his muscled arms are locked around your convulsing thighs as he sucks and finger-fucks you within an inch of your life. even then, you're still almost dipping in and out of consciousness, of reality, so strong is the buildup of pleasure within you.

you're not sure exactly what it is that finally triggers it, or how long it's taken you to get to that point. but matty does something, and you actually feel something twinge in your cunt as the buildup of pleasure erupts inside you. and that's it.

for the first time in your life, you squirt. you scream matty's name so loudly you almost lose your voice, as you cum so hard that you gush all over your boyfriend's hand and face, a motion you're only vaguely aware of in between split-second long blackouts as your body tries to recover.

matty quickly pulls his fingers from you, a string of excited swear words leaving his mouth as he processes what just happened. he's hovering over you within seconds of your orgasm ending, holding your face in his hands and speaking softly as you come to. "oh, my good girl, my perfect girl, that was absolutely incredible. fuck. how did that feel, darling? how do you feel now? are you alright? talk to me, sweetheart, please."

"felt perfect," you manage to breathe out, smiling dazedly at the gorgeous man above you. "feel so good. thank you."

"i love you," matty kisses you, short and sweet. "that was just… i don't think i'll ever be able to stop thinking about it. i know i say this about something every time i see you naked, but that was the hottest thing i've ever experienced, darling. honestly. i've never been more turned on."

"mmm, love you," you bring a shaky hand up to caress matty's cheek; he turns his head slightly to kiss your palm. "and i want you to feel good now. wanna have sex with you, please."

"are you sure you feel up to it?"

"i am. i do. i want you, baby."

"jesus," matty rests his head on your chest for a second. "alright. but i don't think i have the control to do another lesson roleplay, darling - need to fuck you too much."

you shrug. "i'm a kinesthetic learner anyway. show me what's what!"

matty laughs, quickly yanking off his lab coat and tie. "you're my favourite fucking person on the planet," he kisses your nose while he unbuttons his shirt and throws it to the ground too.

stretching, you sigh happily at the sight of his tattooed torso. "you're just saying that because you made me squirt all over you."

"nah, that's just a bonus," your boyfriend grins, kicking off his trousers. "i mean it, though, you really are my favourite. gonna marry you someday."

a gentle wave of love washes over you. "really?"

"really. but first," matty teases your hole with the head of his dick. "i'm going to fuck you."

he's inside you immediately after the words leave his mouth, sinking into you with a moan you echo in your slightly-broken voice. "shit, babe," matty moans, lips tangy with the taste of your arousal. "you feel too good - there's no way i'm going to last long."

"s'ok, baby," you whimper, legs on your boyfriend's shoulders. "you've made me feel amazing, s'about time you took a turn."

despite his exertion - he really is fucking you determinedly - matty huffs out a laugh. "sweetheart, that doesn't mean we won't be able to get you off again," he smirks, not unkindly, tenderly brushing a stray hair from your face. "if it's not too sensitive, can you be my good girl and rub your clit for me, make yourself feel good?"

oh, fuck. you nod, brain and voice taking a second to catch up to your head and neck. "i can do that."

"show me."

eyes locked on matty's, you bring your hand to your clit, and rub the same slow circles your boyfriend did on you earlier. "like this?"

"yeah, just like that, shit," matty's thrusts quicken; you speed up your circling to match, whining and clenching around him as another orgasm quickly approaches. "fuck, baby, are you gonna cum again for me?"

"yeah."

"do it then, sweetheart," matty pants, bringing his head down to rest in the crook of your neck. your free hand tangles itself in his hair, and he moans into your skin as he speeds up yet again. "whenever you're ready… cum."

still sensitive from your earlier earth-shattering climax, and driven to the edge by the combination of your own hand, matty's hips driving into yours, and his fucking voice, another orgasm crashes through you. it's nowhere near as strong as the first, but it's enough to pull your boyfriend to the edge with you. "darling," he manages to croak out, thrusts getting sloppier and sloppier the better he feels inside. "where can i cum?"

"on my face, please," you pant, chest heaving with aftershocks. "s'only fair, after i came on yours."

the mere mention of your earlier orgasm is enough to tip matty off the edge. groaning the sexiest groans you've ever heard, matty pulls out of your ruined cunt as you sit up closer to him, jerking himself to a finish all over your elated face. it's a bit depraved, but you fucking love it. you fucking love him.

once he's decorated you sufficiently, matty collapses onto your chest, breathing like he's just run a marathon. he's spent, you both are, but he still finds the energy to sit straight up and look at you with a panicked expression. "baby, you had your wings on that whole time?!"

"hmm?" you lazily turn your head to look at your own shoulder. sure enough, the elastic strap of your angel wings is still there; you tentatively lift it, to find the skin underneath red and tender. but still, you giggle. "oh, shit, that's fun! wait, i must still have my halo on, too, then."

"yeah, you do," matty smiles lovingly at you. "it's quite a sight, actually, baby, your halo askew and my cum all over your face."

"well, the wonky halo is thematic, i s'pose," you laugh. "considering what we just did wasn't very angelic."

matty kisses your jaw. "nah, you were a good girl for me. still an angel in my eyes, albeit a slightly slutty angel."

"your slightly slutty angel."

another kiss. "mine, all mine."

[mojoflower]

Darlings!

Hallo, it's been, like, half a year, hasn't it? Ah, my life has been insane (it still is) and I'm afraid fandom receded into the background. (Also, I discovered Temu, and it's really fun to fall asleep while gawking at kitchen gadgets and cat-themed t-shirts.) Life has been very chaotic, with my mother-in-law suffering stage 4 cancer (so I'm in a neighboring state, taking care of her, half the time), my abused niece moving in with us (and also her sister, on all counts except technically) and now my sister-in-law and nephews as refugees from the terrible floods and mudslides that have devastated Asheville. And, my older son is visiting from the UK, and the only place for him to sleep is my closet, since there are now nine people living in my house.

Anyhoo. *breathes heavily* I'm actually not really back back. But this is my only social media, and I have some things I needed to share. My SIL's twin started up a GoFundMe for her, because lordy she'll need it to restore her home when she gets back. (And also because my brother is an asshole and a deadbeat who won't even contact his sons right now to see how they're faring mentally, much less contribute anything financially.) And also her son's friend's house was completely washed away, so I'm sharing his GoFundMe, too. I'll post them separately, too, so you can share them without the tale of my woes.

I hate that I'm just bopping by to solicit donations (or sharing). But I really don't see my time load lightening up in the near future. (I don't even have the space to foster kittens anymore!)

But I love my family. Here's me with the nieces, and another with the nephews, son and sister-in-law. No pressure, peeps. Just if you're able, and otherwise, maybe share.

My fam:

[I feel like you should know that I'm 6 feet tall. My son and nephews are ludicrous. With all of us living in the same house, I feel like they should be hobbit-sized.]

[copperbadge]

I always enjoy writing updates on the royal family in these books, but I am having such fun expanding Simon's character and writing his banter with Ylias. I haven't gotten to write an older character who doesn't start out visibly struggling, and Simon's just kind of a dude who loves romance and enjoys being functionally king of chefs in Fons-Askaz.

Simon and Ylias had what I'm calling a "Ene-meet" over some cheese and the next time she saw him she called him Mr. Ricotta (I may try and make this better -- I'd like some kind of French pun where she basically calls him "white guy" while also calling him some form of cheese) and while they've since mostly buried the hatchet because they have to work together on the Reclamation Day festival, they are both enjoying pretending they're still smarting over it.

"Can you do all this..." Ylias gestured at their lists, "for Reclamation Day and also do the catering? Because I feel like we do throw around at least enough weight to make someone else take that over."

"Hm, there is a lot to supervise. A practical consideration, thank you," he said, absently flipping through his own notes. "I will find someone reliable enough to serve His Majesty but also young enough to still be impressed by the request. Which leaves remaining only the cooking competition."

"Not to complain, but this seems like a really random thing to have at Reclamation Day," Ylias said. "It's not a village fete or something."

"It began as a sort of grudge, years ago," he said. "Two cooks had a dispute; they declared to decide for one or the other on Reclamation Day -- in public, with the public's help in settling the matter. It proved very popular, and of course if there are a dozen people all competing, the results can be sold for funds for charity."

"So we're supposed to set this up, set the theme, and source the judges," Ylias said.

"Set-up is already arranged -- the judging tent is always in the same place. They only have to bring in their example of the challenge recipe and lay it out."

"I guess it's a little on the nose for this year's theme to be like...an Eddie Rambler classic recipe."

He smiled. "We may consider it but also, consider: are you aware of..." his voice dropped. "The Trash Tower?"

She nodded.

"Imagine a tent full of examples of Shivadh twists on the Trash Tower," he said.

"It doesn't look like Dante's inferno, but it doesn't not," she said. "Maybe another thing we want to ask about at the next meeting?"

"I think so. For judges, usually a member of the royal family, but also then someone who knows food, and sometimes a famous person if one can get one."

"Can we?"

"I would as soon not," LeFevre replied, which Ylias couldn't argue with. "I think perhaps for the royals, Princeps Joan would like to judge. Or if her fathers would prefer she does not, Duke Gerald. He would pretend it was his little one judging, give her some of everything to try, pretend he knows what she says. Very funny."

"Want me to tap someone with food chops from the town?" Ylias asked.

"Yes, but speak with me before you ask them, just to be sure."

"Yep, I wouldn't mind a road map to all the faux pas I could make," she muttered.

"Ah, well. I wouldn't let anyone cut you; I've already seen you at your worst and it is frankly somewhat mild," he said.

"I think I'm almost more insulted about being considered mediocre than I am that you won't let it go," she replied.

"We all need time to recover our wounds," he said gravely. "Another few years, perhaps, and I will begin to consider healing."

"Man, I didn't know calling you Mr. Ricotta would devastate you so completely."

He closed the notebook with a snap, smiling.

"And I must somehow go on, and fetch my groceries," he said.

[lurkingshan]

Cherry Magic Episode 5

Ah yes, the delicious pain of one-sided pining. This was another great episode and yes I would like to wring Achi's neck a little for the mixed signals he is sending our poor beloved and beleaguered Karan.

This episode did such a fantastic job of putting us in the crushing uncertainty of a one-sided love. Karan interprets everything Achi does as either a signal that his affections are returned or a signal that they absolutely are not, and so he swings wildly between elation and devastation minute to minute. And Achi is causing a lot of confusion with the way he seems so happy to be with Karan and know his feelings for him one moment, and then puts up barriers and shies away the next. I would be confused, too, if I were Karan, especially since from his perspective, all he has done is try to get closer to Achi as a friend. He doesn't know Achi can hear his real (simp) desires!

And Achi did not use the information he has about Karan kindly in this episode. He knew damn well how special it made Karan feel to be part of his morning routine, and he used that against him by bringing in Rock as a buffer, repeating the routine, and undoing that special feeling he had given Karan. It was mean and I’m not happy with him! He knew he was making Karan sad but he just kept doing it. And it's not that Karan thinks Achi likes Rock, it's that he's perceptive enough to know that Achi is intentionally using him to create a barrier between them. That's why he's so sad, it's a clear rejection of the closeness he was trying to build with Achi. Achi needs to get his head together because he can’t keep yanking him around.

And that's why I love that Karan decides he will not be living with this confusion for a moment longer. He knows his feelings are too far gone to keep holding it in and it's time for some clarity between them. And he had to be the one to do it because Achi would of course keep avoiding the issue, spending time with Karan every day while also pushing him away passive aggressively. Good for you, Karan! I also love that he waited for Achi to get on the boat before he spoke; this will make it easy for him to flee after confessing. My man is a thinker!

In other news this ep, I LOVE THE OFFICE GANG. They're such a sweet group of caring colleagues and that whole sequence with them intervening in Rock and Min's estrangement, especially Pai dropping the hammer, was adorable. I liked that added layer to Rock and Min’s friendship a lot; it was a nice touch of additional pathos for their story and it gave both of them more depth. And of course, the whole group bonding while Karan was left on the outside because of the situation with Achi just made all of his pain feel more poignant. This show is so smart about the way it's building out all these relationships.

I also continue to be impressed with the way the Thai adaptation uses the mind reading for added humor. Karan singing off key in his own head and Achi and Jinta continuing to have telepathic conversations was excellent. Keep the jokes coming, show, I'm loving it.

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

[ x ]

🦇 Heir Book Review 🦇

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

❓ #QOTD What's your favorite fantasy book?❓ 🦇 An orphan. An outcast. A prince. And a killer who will bring an empire to its knees. An old tragedy fuels Aiz's need for vengeance, while love of her people that propels her. Sirsha agrees to use her magic to hunt a killer who is murdering children across the Martial Empire. And Quil is the Empire's crown prince, though he's loath to take the throne. Sabaa Tahir interweaves the lives of these three young people as they grapple with power, treachery, love, and the devastating consequences of unchecked greed, on a journey that may cost them their lives—and their hearts. Literally.

💜 *Insert a plethora of creative curses here* For fig's sake. I can't even begin to describe the pure AWE I have, not only for this story, but for Sabaa Tahir, fantasy and Muslim-American literary goddess, in general. I honestly can't think of a story I've read that was so well intertwined, so fully conceptualized, while respecting roots of the series that came before it. Earlier this year, I had the fortune to read The Fragile Threads of Power by VE Schwab, which continued her Shades of Magic series. Reading Heir sparked that same feeling; the sensation of returning home after a long journey through other vast worlds. I'm grateful that Penguin Teen hosted the Ember in the Ashes read-along this summer. While Heir introduces us to new characters, 20 years after the Ember in the Ashes series ends, each mention and emergence of a familiar character provided a sweet taste of nostalgia I didn't know I needed. These books have seeped themselves deep within my marrow since 2015, and Sabaa Tahir has been on my favorite/auto-buy author for just as long. She's the first Muslim-American to win the National Book Award for Young People's Literature; a feat that gives me hope and inspiration as a Muslim-American writer.

💜 Reading Heir, you can see how much Tahir's prose has flourished over the past decade. Despite stepping back into this familiar world, it's richer, more vivid. The action is just as intense and ruthless, the characters undeniably unique. The underlying themes resonate deeply. I loved every nod to South Asian, Pakistani, and Islamic culture. It's always the five-star book reviews I struggle with the most. I could talk about this story for hours, but I'd spoil so much that I want you to experience for yourself.

💙 Don't worry: if you haven't read the An Ember in the Ashes quartet, you can still enjoy Heir. The three main characters have their own vivid story to tell, and while there are mentions of many beloved characters from the original series, they're supporting cast to Aiz, Sirsha, and Quil. I will say that the first part of the story took a moment to adjust to, and there's the lingering question of HOW these characters are connected, but once you realize how the breadcrumbs were laid out for you, you'll realize the execution is FLAWLESS. The fast pace keeps you on your toes, the ever-growing tension driving you to the last page. As for the underlying romantic story, AH! It was perfectly built, the sass and chemistry playful without stealing from the main plot, yet heart-wrenching; that kind of painful that keeps you invested long-term. OH! And can we talk about our villain? That BUILD?! I love a villain with reason--a character who doesn't realize they're the villain at all, someone with a mission that goes about it in all the wrong ways. This story had EVERYTHING and then some. I'll be recommending it for the next 20 years.

🦇 Recommended for fans of The Red Queen series, The Lunar Chronicle series, and The Throne of Glass series.

✨ The Vibes ✨ 🫀First in a Duology ✨ Young Adult High Fantasy/Romantasy 👑 Political Intrigue ⛏ Enemies to Lovers 💓 Found Family 👁 Multi POV

🦇 Major thanks to the author and publisher for providing an ARC of this book via Netgalley. 🥰 This does not affect my opinion regarding the book. #Heir

💬 Quotes ❝ Get what you need. Forget the rest. ❞ ❝ "You are a daughter of the evening star. You are not meant to be caged." ❞ ❝ “I give my heart unto her keeping, a gift with no compare.” ❞ ❝ "The past will distract you from the now. And it’s the now that matters.” ❞ ❝ “You seek to understand the fibers that make the world,” Loli Temba said, “but not your own pain, nor that of others. You’d be better served understanding the latter.” ❞ ❝ He looked at her like her secrets were the sea, and he was at home in dark water. ❞ ❝ “Quil—” His name rolled off her tongue, a prayer. “Please—” “Mmm,” he said. “You should say that more, Sirsha. I’d give you whatever you wanted.” ❞ ❝ “Care about yourself as much as you care about those you love. As much as— as we care about you.” ❞ ❝ Sirsha grabbed his hand, wishing she could articulate the desire suffusing her, something more than I need you and I wish I didn’t. ❞

[meimi-haneoka]

Musings

I was scrolling through my TL this morning and I stumbled again on a certain scene from volume 8 of xxxHolic.

I went "...ah" and shook my head, smiling.

Then I started writing a thread with my musings, but it became so long that I decided to pour them here instead.

The scene in question was this one. The Spider Lady and Watanuki.

Kimihiro Watanuki and Yuna D. Kaito. Two boys who have initially no idea what they're doing on this earth, what their life is worth for, growing up alone, quick to throw their life away to make others happy. Although in personality Watanuki and Kaito are very different, this one complex aspect brings them closer.

I couldn't help being reminded how CLAMP love to portray this particular theme in several of their stories, almost as if they were tormented by it.

Clear Card Arc introduced the theme of self-sacrifice, with all its devastating effects, in a series where it hadn't been explored deeply yet. First in a milder way with Syaoran, but I think we all agree that the character who brought that message home the most is indeed Kaito.

Yet, I really appreciate how this doesn't turn everytime into the "same reheated soup", as we say in italian, because each series' approach is different from the get go.

Holic addresses several thematics straightforwardly, without sugarcoating them. All the volumes are brimming with life lessons and impactful lines that corner you and force you to think about life and your relationship with others. Sometimes those truths are hard, like a slap in your face. It's no wonder that the entire "Phrase" area of the CLAMP exhibition was all dedicated to Holic. Its portrayal of the thematic of self-sacrifice follows the same pattern, and one example is the criticism from the Spider Lady directed at Watanuki in the aforementioned volume. He will leave that encounter having learned something very important from those words.

For CCS, on the other hand, CLAMP have always chosen a different approach, fitting for its genre and demographic.

Although there are several nourishing lessons we can get from it as well, the messages are usually always passed without judgement. It seems CLAMP prefer letting the characters go through things, make their own decisions, their own mistakes, learn and grow firsthand from them. The thing we hear the most in the entire series is "Look in your heart, find the answer in yourself".

And despite how often Momo gets angry at Kaito, as an impartial magical beast she's prevented from doing a speech similar to that of the Spider Lady. While many might think that would've worked best, the world view and narrative structure of CCS is different from that.

In the same way, CLAMP leave the readers free to perceive and take the message home as they want, guided by the characters' actions rather than their explicit thoughts and spelled out words of wisdom.

While in Holic it's clearer what their stance on a certain topic or thematic is, in CCS things are more blurred and nuanced. The events are presented as they are, resting on a delicate balance, as if asking you "This is what happened. Everything considered, what do you think?", making an effort to not pass a judgement along so you can make your own idea of it.

We never get anyone lecturing Kaito for what he did, nor looking down upon him, because that's not CCS' language and there's no need for it. The characters understand the sentiment that moved Kaito, even though that's not treated as a justification for the path he chose. The message will be conveyed eloquently enough by facts - Akiho's tears full of anger in chapter 78. Rather than choosing to make a character lecture him harshly, CLAMP "left" Kaito dealing directly with the consequences of his actions, in order for him to look into his heart and learn a lesson from it. More than the act of deciding her happiness on her behalf, Akiho is furious because Kaito crumpled his life and threw it away in the trash in the attempt of saving her and giving her a happy life.

This approach is totally in line with CCS' compassionate world view. A world view that tries to cause changes in the world guided by kindness, refraining from applying prejudices and dispensing judgement upon others.

But beware, comparing the two approaches to the same thematic doesn't mean that one is better than the other: depending on the situation, sometimes we need the frankness of Holic, sometimes the sensitivity of CCS.

It is in my opinion pretty wonderful how the same theme can be communicated in different ways, choosing different paths, approaches, just like in these two examples here.

Two different approaches for the theme, but same conclusion: once we form connections with others, we don't belong to ourselves alone anymore. We're not free to dispose of our life without affecting other people who share that bond with us.

We may think we're not important, that we can come second or third or last behind everyone else as long as they're happy, but that's not true. Seeing us suffering, or missing our presence will ultimately make other people cry. Even people we didn't really think they could ever love us.

So cherish your life, always. Today you're doing it for your loved ones, tomorrow you'll learn to do it for yourself, too. ❤️

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Why do you like Skyward Sword? What do you love about it? (I just came back to it after a long time and am obsessed.)

AH there are SO many reasons I like Skyward Sword!

The aesthetic! This is such a cute game, and the pastels are so pleasant to the eye. It makes the world so magical too, like botw is breathtakingly beautiful but skyward sword is like going to a real fantasy land. Kind of adds to the whole idea that this game is so far in the past it's in mythology era too, which makes it extra fun!

Speaking of which, the lore! Like, I know some people might not like the Hylia addition but let's be real, Nintendo destroys their own lore with every new game, so I just really liked this one lol. The idea that this game is so far back in the past that it's the original Hero, the original Zelda, it's such a fascinating and fun thing! This isn't just another iteration of the pair, this is the pair. It makes it fitting that they're the Zelink couple that I adore too haha.

With it being so far back in the past, it makes the magic feel so much more alive! The goddess is within reach, the dragons talk, everything feels so alive. You know how in stories it's always like "time passes and people grow distant from the magic and can no longer hear it/experience it" and that kind of feels like the rest of the Zelda games - like there's obviously still magic and beauty in all the games, but it never quite feels as... idk, fantastical as Skyward Sword's world does. Part of that is probably also because it's from Link's POV and this is all new to him

Which is another fun thing! All the other Zelda games, Link lives in an established world. Here, Link's exploring one that's been untouched since the entire world was nearly destroyed in a devastating war and nearly everyone had died. Like it's kind of akin to botw (I remember reading somewhere that botw was designed to be like a really improved skyward sword, like sksw paved the way for it) in that regard, but Link's in a foreign land and knows nothing about it. Rather like OoT Link, but there's very little established here, you know? There's no kingdom, you run into one (1) settlement with the mogmas and that's it. The rest is ruins and wilderness.

The characters! My gosh, they're so fun! Link is the most expressive here, he's absolutely delightful and I adore his personality (the only Link who comes close to being my favorite aside from Sky is Twilight). Groose is fantastic and rightfully a fan favorite. Zelda's a freaking knight! And she has her own journey! And she's got a fantastic personality, and her story is so interesting! Ghirahim is hilarious and a fun recurring villain! Even Impa is fairly interesting as a character. Fi certainly isn't my favorite companion but she isn't terrible, and it's quite fun learning about her lore and watching her develop.

LOFTWINGS. That is all.

LIVING IN THE SKY. Their settlement is so different from anything else in any other game and I love it. Also a nice little thing because like so many Zelda games herald an ancient race coming from the skies, and it differs between the games but the fact that this time it was the Hylians is really neat and solidifies the whole "this takes place before literally everything else" idea.

The music! I love the music so much, they're all bangers. Fi's theme, especially Follow Fi, is absolutely magical, Groose's them is bombastic and fun, freaking Koloktos theme, the Ancient Cistern!! The Sand Sea!!!

SILENT REALMS MY BELOVED. Everybody else hates them, I freaking adore them, they're my favorite part of the game. I love the challenge of them and the music for them absolutely took my breath away.

The sword mechanics! I know with bad programming/buggy controllers it can be a pain, but it's so fun being able to swing Link's sword around with such control, whether it's motion control or joystick. Like, it's not just hitting a button, you gotta wait and watch and observe to figure out how you're going to attack, and it makes it pretty fun!

[shmowder]

I have a very important Patho character question which characters do you think would have a cat? If they could? Personally I think of one character who strikes me as a cat person for sure but that’s probably like the most obvious candidate for that

Ah yes the most obvious candidate

the candidate that is the most likely to be a cat person

The Pathologic character candidate

Of course I know them duh. It's so obvious I don't even need to name them

Anyway here's the tierlist.

I debated whether Dankovsky would be a cat or dog person, I settled on dog because he likes having control. But I don't see him as a pet person at all. He prefers observing animals and reading about them, not interacting with them. Dogs he can stand if they behave, but he absolutely won't entertain someone's cat or bird if he was a guest at their house.

Anna wouldn't want any pets but if she could stand an animal, a cat would be the best choice sine they tend to be the cleanest.

I like the Idea of Rubin taking care of a kitten and raising it into a cute cuddly cat that brightens his day. That man deserves happiness.

I also like the idea of him and Artemy being so big and scary yet end up having cats as pets. Artemy's cat could either be a stray that adopts itself into his life or a cat that Isidor used to take care of and now it follows Artemy.

Aglaya would like dogs for their loyalty rather than the need to control them, she'd still admire cats for their freedom and cleverness.

Yulia desperately wants a cat but I think she is scared deep down of getting too attached to it, especially with no veterinarian in town and how devastated she'd be if her cat passes away. So she skips on the whole ordeal. She pspspsps at strays when no one is looking tho, shares some of her food with them.

Alexander Saburov seems the type to have a childhood dog he grew very attached to. He doesn't fully understand cats and doesn't like that they can't be trained but he'd still do his best to take care of one if it became his pet.

I think it's very ironic how much Khan resembles an indoor domestic spoiled cat personality wise yet he is the leader of the dogheads. My theory is that he tried petting a cat one and it scratched him and he held a grudge ever since so he always claims that dogs are better.

Maria would get a black cat thinking it will help her appear more fearsome in the town people's eyes, only for the cat to end up being the most loving adorable ball of pure abyss. She would kill for her cat and keeps it protected safe inside her room, she plays with the cat and showers it in compliments and kisses after locking the door to make sure no one walks in on her showing her soft side. If this was the modern world, Maria would have so many pictures of her adorable black fluffball playing with her expensive pearl necklace or rolling around her priceless silky sheets.

Notkin already has a cat, even tho he himself has the personality of a loyal dog. Cats scratching him didn't deter him but made him learn to respect animal boundaries.

Mark Immortell's cat is the incarnation of a hell cat, the most evil sinister and annoying thing that will slap you with its paws for giving it any non luxury brand cat food. They're two sides of the same coin and only he and his cat understand each other.

Katerina's position is a pun. Yk cats eat mice and the rat prophet and all, so she never wants a cat around.

Sticky seems like he'd take care of strays because he sees himself in them. He understands cats better than anyone, he too hates being disturbed and likes spending time alone. And he is also endlessly curious. He takes it upon himself to feed Murky and give her candy at the start of the game just when she starts frequenting the haruspex lair.

Murky learned from him, she probably used to leave cats bowls of milk before Sticky informed her it's actually bad for them and they can't have milk.

-

If it wasn't limited to cats, a bird would suit Eva much more because they thrive under attention and require so much love and care. Owning a bird, let alone an exotic one like a parrot is almost a full time job.

Artemy has his bull pet in canon, I think Oyun used to have one too. It would be adorable if Murky just led a baby calf home once because she found it alone outside and Artemy just accepted it as a new part of the family.

The Kains do already have pets, the human kind. Aka the Stamatins. But if they absolutely had to pick a different one, I see the Judge maintaining a pristine aquarium for the most beautiful fish you've ever seen. It takes dedication, time, knowledge and lots of money. The fish might end up as the family pet as every person chips in every once in a while, Victor fixing the water filter etc.

The Stamatins themselves would probably keep lizards, maybe even snakes. I don't think they know how to take care of pets or even want to learn. However I do see them sharing custody over a pet rabbit when they were just kids. It drove Peter crazy because it kept eating his canvasses. So Andrey took it with him outside most of the time. It ended up getting picked off by a hawk. The two brothers spent the remainder of the week setting up a trap to kill the hawk and avenge their pet.

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ch.214 thoughts

[Five Nights at Fuuko's]

(Contents: predictions - Kururu/Tatiana & Billy, analysis - Tatiana, speculation - Negator tragedies/Untouchable)

Kururu

Hngh...Kururu...only a single line of dialogue right after losing your arc...it's not fair...

Ah well, I do really like the idea of her being an evil teammate, begrudging everything that she's made to do until everything snaps and she's forced to choose between betraying her captors or realizing that she loves them. That is the plan, right, Tozuka? And there is an omake coming up where we see why she's choosing to go along with them in the meantime, yes? Hm???

Tatiana

Of course, since we've started the Tatiana arc, it's only natural that Tatiana get the lion's share of the focus this time around. Much like Top, her story is pretty different this time around, though instead of having her tragedy avoided and then taking a different path, this time her tragedy has been significantly delayed, to the point that the tragedy itself now has the potential to be much more devastating than before. Exactly how it was delayed I have no idea, but that's the kind of thing that I don't think really matters too much in the grand scheme

Tatiana & Billy

What does matter is where her story is going, and with Tatiana meeting Betty before anyone else in the Union, I think I'm starting to get a clearer picture of it. Last week was basically just reiterating the plan to use Remember, which seemed redundant at the time, but with this chapter hammering home that Billy's family is very much present this time around, I think that Tozuka was trying to set up how Billy and Tatiana's family dynamic was going to reemerge despite both avoiding their tragedies. By creating a sisterly bond between Tatiana and Betty, it will be easier for both her and Billy to incorporate their recovered memories into their current personalities and lifestyles without either feeling like they're intruding on the other's revived families. Granted, we've only seen Tatiana interact with Betty and not Veronica, and Billy interacting with Tatiana's parents should logically be its own can of worms, but that should be easy enough to patch over

Tatiana's Hair

While this new version of Tatiana's story changes all of the surface details, the core of her story remains very much the same - Tatiana is isolated from the world around her, this time by her career rather than by her Rule. As she so succinctly puts it, she can't touch the people that are special to her

I've said before that long hair is a recurring symbol for isolation in UU, and while Tatiana's is certainly much shorter than it was in L100, it's still quite long. In fact, it's because of her distinctive long hair that she ends up getting swamped by her fans, with its dramatic reveal in her recreating Fuuko's iconic long hair reveal in ch.1. Even being shorter than before, its length both symbolizes and enforces her isolation and loneliness, which in turn almost incites her tragedy, which would bring her further isolation

Negator Tragedies

Speaking of, this is the first time we've ever seen a Negator's awakening be halted rather than just having their tragedy be averted. It's subtle, but I think it goes a long way in explaining the mechanics of the tragedies. We've gone back and forth on this for a while, so let's do a quick recap

Originally, we believed that God (likely Sun, but maybe Luna too) arbitrarily chose Negators upon the previous Vessel's death and then timed their awakening for the least opportune moment

Then, we learned that the previous Vessel chooses their successor upon death, and many fans started blaming them for the tragedies, believing them to be negligent at best or malicious at worst

From there, we theorized that while the Vessels chose their successors, God decided on the time of awakening, watching with bated breath for the right moment

This chapter though suggests that Rules have something like preprogrammed triggers, that they transfer into the successor and lie dormant until certain conditions are met. These may be specific to the individual Rule, but I think it may be a decently broad range of criteria. In Untouchable's case, her ability has now been shown awakening under two completely distinct circumstances: when Tatiana was happy (her birthday party with her favorite cake) and when she was upset (being surrounded by people that made her feel isolated). This suggests that God has the trap set to spring at any moment of extreme emotion, whether it's the saddest, angriest, or even happiest of the Vessel's life. Certain thoughts and desires pertaining to the Rule may qualify as well, like Void wanting to hit his opponent to win his fight or Sean wanting to pass his audition for a movie so he could be seen, but those are both still strong desires and may qualify as extreme emotions

The main point is, this scene makes it quite clear that God is actually pretty hands-off with the moment of activation itself. Rather than plotting and controlling the course of the Negators' lives, it's more like he put a mousetrap in their souls before going back to his own business while he waited. Of course, it is also possible that both are true, and that God does take direct action to facilitate the Negators feeling extreme emotions. UMA Heat's appearance in Gina's town was a bit spontaneous, and unlike Fuuko getting her jacket caught on some rebar, I'm pretty unclear how Tatiana lost both her hat and her wig...didn't seem particularly windy to me...

Pinky Promise

With Tatiana's awakening being averted, though, Fuuko was able to make contact without incident, claiming that she was back after 200 years to finally make good on her promise to Tatiana. At first I thought she meant she was keeping the promise to hold hands with Tatiana once they had normal bodies from ch.25, but I realized there were a few issues with that: 1) Fuuko still has Unluck, so the conditions for that promise haven't been met; 2) Tatiana still doesn't remember Fuuko, so the significance of that promise would be lost on her; 3) they shook hands for that promise, when this chapter deliberately made note of pinky promises being important to Tatiana

Upon realizing that, I hightailed it to the Ragnarok arc, and sure enough, Fuuko and Tatiana's parting in ch.121 was a pinky promise to meet up and become friends again in the next Loop. I'm sure plenty of other readers picked up on that just fine, but for anyone else who thought it was for the first promise, know you weren't alone in making that mistake

What's Next

So now the question is how Fuuko's intervention will change Tatiana's interpretation of Untouchable. I think it would be massively cruel to have her go back to being a naked Kinder Surprise after learning about her current insecurities and career, so I would hope that her new version will be a bit more lenient, like maybe counting her clothes as an extension of herself, or perhaps regulating her barrier to be imperceptibly close to her body so her clothes can fit over it?

Either way, I expect she'll still have Sphere, Nico did say that he's already working on it, but I think it would be cool if she could use it as a versatile armor along the same lines of Top/Isshin's Runner's Regalia or even Void's Next Ring and Creed's End War. If she does, then I hope Sphere will get a better name to line up with all of those

Actually, I suppose the best question right now is how long it'll be before we even see Untouchable again. I figure it won't be next chapter at the very least, but whether it's the week after or a month from now, I can't really tell. I kind of hope we take a little bit of a breather, just chilling with Tatiana as friends and helping her develop some dynamics with the group for two or three weeks before all hell breaks loose with UMA Time or War showing up to rain on the parade and prompting Untouchable to become a bigger beast than it's ever been. Who knows, maybe we'll even get lucky and get a little bit more Kururu in that time...

Until next time, let's enjoy life!

[wyvchard]

Flufftober 2024 Extra

Prompts for today: Alt 6: Gravestone

Prompt/s used: Alt 6: Gravestone

Content Warnings: Assumptions of Death, Spoilers for IEYTD 1,2, and 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Agent Phoenix stared at the gravestone, a moment of pure surrealism washing over them as their fingers felt the engraved name. They didn't know when they'd reached out.

It'd taken them a bit to convince their handler (anyone really) to let them see it. Their handler tried to get them to drop it, however, their stubbornness prevailed.

"Well, Agent, I suppose you had quite a lovely name."

They refused to answer their earpiece. Right. He's joining them from the distance, making sure they don't get into trouble while outside.

Part of them wished they could see him, but alas, they've barely knew each other. They didn't even know his name.

"... It's wrong."

"Pardon?"

"... Explaining would be too troublesome." They sighed, pouring over the detail. It was like an other ordinary grave, cold stone matching the coolness of the night. "But... I suppose it's good enough. I wouldn't be able to change anything anyway."

"Whatever do you mean by that?"

"Only a part of me died that day. But it's not all of me." They let out a cryptic smile, although they knew he thankfully wouldn't be able to see it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reginald had no idea why he found himself here. The grave was empty, was it not?

Yet, he's right there, standing in front of 'their' grave.

He didn't miss the subtle invitation last time. He just pretended to not notice so he wouldn't be so attached.

Part of him regrets it now. He regrets it intensely.

He'd seen their picture. He'd seen how they act. But they were so full of life when the two of them finally met for the first time.

Maybe he shouldn't have met them.

But what good are regrets?

It doesn't matter anymore. They haven't found a body yet.

Maybe... just maybe... they're still alive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"For once, you agreed." Agent Phoenix turned to him as they approached their grave once again.

"Well, I am curious why you want to return to this place."

They barely held back their laugh. "It seems more like you're just trying to find an excuse so we can hang out."

"Very funny, Agent. I'm just making sure you wouldn't get into trouble."

"Well, you certainly tried a different way. I thought what you did after the Death Engine was enough. I didn't cause trouble back then, right?"

Reginald refused to respond.

"... I really thought you..."

"But I'm here now, right?"

He watched as their eyes shone bright as they turned to him, eyes soft with fondness as they walked backwards.

"And an elevator drop wouldn't take me down that easily."

"That elevator drop is easily one of the few moments my heart dropped, Phoenix."

"Ah. I suppose you didn't see the footage of me dropping down from space."

The tense silence enveloped the pair. "... I saw, Agent. But I watched it with the knowledge thst you made it. Not wondering if you... if I'll ever see you again."

"Sir..." They approached him and held his hand. "I'll always do my best to see you again as well."

"... That's reassuring."

The tense silence took hold, soon melting into something more comfortable.

They leaned onto their handler while they showed him their rare smile.

"I lived. And it if wasn't for the fact I knew you were there for me... I wouldn't have come to Babadag to meet you."

"... Is that so?"

"... You sounded so devastated. I don't want you to ever feel that much grief ever again."

"... We can't be sure of that."

"But we'll try. Like you said, if I'm here, you're here."

The pair took one more glance at the grave before leaving flowers.

Thoughts swirled in each of their heads. However, they both know it'll be alright.

They had each other, after all.

[yellowhollyhock]

07 Splinter bashing

I think Splinter sent Leo away to become a better ninja. A better fighter, not a better leader. Leo interpreted it as needing to be a better leader because he had concerns about how the stress of whatever was going on with the Triceratons had affected them as a team, and whether he was handling it correctly. Splinter didn't.

When the Ancient One mocked and insulted Leo, he was referring to his fighting skills (which is a really ineffective way to teach, I've always hated the 03 Ninja Tribunal, 07 lives up to the legacy), which certainly devastated Leo, but even more than that, he heard 'you will never be good enough for your brothers, how dare you think you're above them when you don't even deserve them.' But the Ancient One doesn't care about Leo's brothers and only referred to them because it would be a way to manipulate him, because it was apparent how much he thinks about them.

Splinter failed Leo so spectacularly and the really sad thing is, Leo doesn't see it. When he comes home, Master Splinter is the one who greets him warmly and holds no bitterness over the extra ENTIRE YEAR that he was gone without permission. Donnie and Mikey are happy to see him, too, but no one is as ready and willing to just let him fit right back where he used to as if nothing's changed. Of course, because at this point Splinter had to recognize that if the family was damaged by the experience, it was his bad call that got them there, and I don't think he's ready to face that.

So Leo won't see Splinter as being in the wrong, because he's the one making things comfortable and safe for him, after so long of being lost and alone.

Like when Splinter sent him on the pilgrimage (that's what he calls it), he was absolutely trying to make the others jealous. Like he would use that to motivate them. 'you alone are ready' with a disapproving look at the others. Come on, Splints. You have experience with Shredder, you should know that jealousy is at best unstable as a motivator, and with four teenagers you should've realized by now that it's more often demotivating.

And it works on Raph! He leaves and doesn't even go to the airport to say goodbye to Leo because he doesn't want to deal with the side comments implying that he'll never be as good as his brother. Of course he wanted to go off on his own! Of course he wanted it to be a secret from his family, they (Splinter) would just compare him to Leo.

And when Raph outright says that Leo is the better son, Splinter finally addresses it and reassures him, but I honestly hate that scene. You can't purposely pit your kids against each other, sit back and watch as it escalates (he literally sent Leo out to go get Raph, Raph returns without Leo, he isn't even asking where Leo is or having someone call to let him know Raph came home?) only to turn around and say 'ah but I love each of you.' Also, 'not being my favorite student doesn't mean you're my least favorite son'? Even in a moment where he's comforting Raph (who has badly needed this conversation for literal plural years!), he's still careful to leave the door open to the idea that he does have favored students and even favored sons.

I do think he genuinely loves them. That doesn't erase the damage he did and is doing and won't own up to.

Also, I think Splinter knew about the Nightwatcher, which makes it even more careless for him to send Leo after Raph when he knows they're mad at each other, without bothering to mention it. He's holding Leo responsible for his brothers' actions without even filling him in on where they're at emotionally and what they've been up to? Like he actually believes himself that being a stronger fighter makes Leo perfect and no other leadership skills are necessary to take care of his brothers. Which makes sense considering how much they were left to take care of each other while Leo was gone, with minimal help from him. Splinter has no idea what it takes to look after his own kids, he thinks a sweet little moment of reassurance here and there after a disaster is enough emotional labor to get them through years of trauma.

Like he barely understands Mikey's job that brings him to the surface every day? And just lets Donnie handle it? He punishes them strictly if they get in trouble but he's not involved to actually help them be safe. He's surprised and confused to find Donnie home when Mikey isn't. He doesn't even now where Raph is (Donnie and Mikey do). Once he understands that what Donnie is building would help their family be more safe, he's a lot more supportive than he was initially, but it's still like? Donnie is obsessively trying to find a way to keep track of where his brothers are because he's worried about Leo. He had to save up to get the parts by working for his little brother, who is providing for the family at that point while Splinter reads and meditates I guess. And when he hears about it Splinter's like 'ah good idea!' Like it's nice he's excited but it's clear he doesn't have the same level of concern and anxiety for Leo and Raph's safety that Donnie's been dealing with. And when Don gets batnapped and Splinter springs into action, it does sort of feel like it's been a while, you know? Like a little wake up call

[scramblecat]

Because I'm so Normal about characters, I typed out a nearly 3k word long essay/observation on how Handler's opinion on Agent Phoenix changes over the course of all three games. It's basically just reiteration of parts of the games I found relevant, and is by no means coherent, but it was fun to write so I thought I'd post it anyway!

Big huge spoilers for all three games under the cut!

So, let's start with some background, shall we?

In the Agency (more specifically, the EOD) agents are very disposable. They die all the damn time-- we know this not only from various comments from multiple characters throughout the game, but also from the board in the debrief room to Phoenix's right-- which shows a list of agents, from which agents are constantly being shuffled out of.

And that's the whole point of the game's name-- Phoenix, being an agent, is expected to die, because there's so many little things that can go wrong. They're expected to die by not only Zoraxis operatives, but Agency personnel as well.

So it's only natural that Handler has a certain nonchalance towards agents dying. He knows how often they do die, and he's used to it. So he knows not to get attached. Hell, he doesn't even have enough time to get attached, the agents are gone so soon.

I Expect You To Die

Agent Phoenix is a brand-new agent, assigned to the Handler we know and love. And, exactly like all the other agents, he expects them to die. Maybe not immediately, but he knows they're going to die nonetheless. And he's very casual about it.

That's exactly why he seems so unbothered at the end of Operation Deep Dive, because as soon as they got into that escape pod and communications were lost, he just went ah. Whoops, another agent down. Too bad. And that's all there really was to it.

If anything, though, he's impressed with them, even if he doesn't show it. He commented on how many people die in those escape pods all the time, and from the state of the escape pod itself, it's easy to infer that it was a struggle. So perhaps he gains a little more respect for them, and starts taking them a little more seriously after that.

As he watches them perform more and more, his opinion continues to change. No matter how unconventional their methods are sometimes, Phoenix is a damn good Agent, and they pull through again and again and again. In First Class, he's actually starting to enjoy working with them. Based on his 'third favorite agent' comment before First Class, I'd imagine to start out he had multiple agents, but by the time the Death Engine rolls around, maybe he's down to only Phoenix. That, or around the start of IEYTD2, he makes the decision to take Phoenix on as his own agent, to make sure they can continue being an agent in the EOD even after they're supposed to have 'died'.

He's not exactly at the level of attachment yet, but… Even through the chaos of the Death Engine destroying the building next door to the EOD HQ, he's worried. You can hear it in his voice post-mission, when he lets Phoenix know that he and a few Agency personnel are closing in on the crash site of the Death Engine. At this point, he wouldn't be devastated if Phoenix died, but he'd probably be a little saddened and disappointed by it.

And then comes IEYTD2.

Spy and the Liar

In Jet Set, once Phoenix takes down the signal jammer, Handler comes back online, and he sounds a bit frantic as he tries to get a hold of Phoenix again. Usually, he's rather lighthearted during missions, but he puts on a no-nonsense demeanor while he's helping Phoenix re-route the plane. He's worried for them. He also praises them when they do things right, and tells them to chin up, and assures them that they're almost through this. Which is not something he's done before. Not only does he care about their safety, he also cares about their wellbeing, and he's determined to keep both intact. In IEYTD2, he's not only there with Phoenix as another presence, he is also there as moral support, and he leans into that job very much.

When he sees the missile, he becomes more urgent.

For the first time, he's scared for them.

In Eaves Drop, Handler goes with Phoenix-- albeit, not all the way into Fabricator's workshop, but he goes with them nonetheless. I don't know about anyone else, but it surprised me, at least.

Handler is comfortable enough with their skills to know that they're worth going with. They're valued highly by not only him, but the Agency, too-- they've been an outstanding agent, and are very quickly making their way up the ranks mission after mission after the Death Engine, and they are all but considered the best of the best. They're a really fucking good agent. So the Agency knows that they're worth investing in.

In Party Crasher, Handler comments on Phoenix's eye injury. While they've obviously dealt with worse before, he's still fussing over them a little bit.

And it's just little things like this. In IEYTD2 he's so much more invested in Phoenix's work and wellbeing, and it shows. He's getting really attached, and he's not supposed to, but he very much is.

One thing I want to mention before we get to the painfully obvious, though, is the end of Safe and Sound.

Do you remember when I said agents die all the time? That the Agency, and Handler, are both so nonchalant about agents going missing and dying?

Handler says he's been trying to get a hold of Phoenix for hours.

He's personally gone out to search for them. On his own.

If Phoenix was any other agent, he's supposed to let them die. He would not put hours of effort in tracking and searching to try and recover them-- especially not by himself. I have no doubts this choice of action was frowned upon at the Agency, but he was desperate. He needed them to come back alive. Phoenix is the best of the best, so that need was warranted.

And that brings us to the moment you've probably been waiting for me to mention.

Rising Phoenix.

Now, to start, his debrief. 'If anyone can do it, it's you, Agent.' And then he chuckles to himself, '…Agent Phoenix.'

He sounds amused by the name, but also very fond of it.

You know how people who are fostering like. cats and stuff don't give them names because they'll end up getting attached?

That's the final damning piece. He cares so much about Agent Phoenix-- they already weren't 'some random agent' to him after the Death Engine, but now, they're Agent Phoenix. Agent Phoenix, a completely unique person in their own right. He cares about them as both an agent and a person. And he doesn't do a very good job of hiding it.

Throughout the entirety of Rising Phoenix, Handler is at Phoenix's side, helping them along, giving moral support, telling them that it's going to be okay. He's fearing for them just as much as (or even more than, depending on your interpretation) they're fearing for themself.

When Zor is threatening Phoenix, Handler gently tells them to focus, and assures them that they can do this. He tells them to ignore them, stays by their side, reassures them and keeps them calm.

He sounds like he knows what needs to happen when he tells Phoenix they'll fall to their death, but he says it anyway. Maybe there's another way. He can't lose them now. But he knows he's about to.

And then they fall.

And Handler, who's gotten far too attached to this agent that wasn't supposed to live, cries out, yells their name as the elevator plunges.

And Phoenix dies, right before his eyes.

In Handler's report (his final report, that is, about the Juniper incident), he sounds… different. Handler stumbles on Phoenix's name the first time he says it-- his breath catches mid-word, as if he's trying to hold it together I'm not sure how intentional this was but it's THERE and i lose it EVERY TIME i listen to it and he has to pause for a second after saying it, every time he says it. He sounds like he's trying to hold it together throughout the whole report, and just barely succeeding. I personally like to imagine that this report had multiple takes where he just could not keep it together and had to restart, and that thought kills me dead to have but it's a thought.

Handler thinks Agent Phoenix-- or, in the words of Roxana Prism, his Agent-- is gone. He thinks he watched them die. And he got so attached to them that he's horrendously devastated by the loss.

Cog in the Machine (Tutorial)

So, in the beginning of CITM, the tutorial opens, for the first time in any of the games, without Handler in it. We're greeted instead by a new space, by darkness, and a note on the desk.

It says that this place has been evacuated due to the demolition of the Zoraxis base (nearby this new place), and it mentions Phoenix by name.

It's also addressed as, 'to the next Agent'.

So, we can infer a few things from here, one of which gets confirmed later in the game.

A new Agent was (or is going to be) assigned to this location.

Agent Phoenix is now famous within (and outside of) the Agency. (This is also confirmed on the newspaper on the desk, which cites them as 'one particularly skilled agent')

It's unclear how long it's been since Rising Phoenix or at least I don't know but clearly, it's been plenty of time for word to spread on what happened.

Now, bear with me here while I spout some non-canon information, but this means Handler has likely been hearing about Phoenix's death nonstop since it happened. And knowing how distraught he was over it, it can't have been good for him to be continuously reminded of it. So, this whole time, not only does he think they're dead and he watched them die (and maybe could've done something about it had he acted quicker), but word about it is everywhere.

So, turning back around to my aforementioned idea that by IEYTD2, Phoenix is his only agent, Phoenix submitting their earpiece and identification reconnects them with Reginald and Reginald alone.

When we hear him for the first time in IEYTD3, Handler sounds far different than usual-- he snaps at the person on the other end, as if he's enraged by simply being called. And knowing that he's usually rather lighthearted in demeanor, this in itself is alarming. He's not doing well if he reacts like that.

And then he recognizes who's on the other end.

His demeanor changes immediately. The disbelief and then the giddy joy in his words are also at a level that we've never heard from him before. He laughs-- a full laugh-- and the complete turnaround of his mood is staggering. From this reaction alone, it goes without saying how much he'd truly grown to care for Phoenix before their 'death'. however i am going to continue with saying because the tutorial fucked me up and i cannot emphasize it enough /silly

After finding out that Phoenix is alive, Handler goes right back to himself again, cracking a joke about how he couldn't get rid of Phoenix if he wanted to-- which he could've continued with the same tone of the joke, but an overwhelming amount of sincerity and relief and the winding down of exhilaration replaces it instead as he tells them he doesn't want that.

Throughout the rest of the tutorial, he's extremely enthusiastic, and he fusses over Phoenix ('Speaking of explosion, are… you alright?') and he makes his happiness and relief very clear through reminiscing ('Here! I'll walk you through the rest of it. [pause] …Hah. Just like old times.') ('Haha! That's the Agent Phoenix I remember!').

At one point, he even gets audibly a bit choked up ('Well, I daresay you and I are back on the job! …I… Never thought I'd be saying that again… after we lost you…')

After that, he admits that when he said 'final report' at the end of IEYTD2, he meant he genuinely was planning to leave the Agency. Phoenix's death affected him so much that he was ready to quit his job entirely-- he didn't think it was worth it anymore without them. But at Phoenix's return, he's ready to continue in a heartbeat.

By the end of Rising Phoenix, while it's not readily apparent to both Phoenix and Handler himself, Handler is long past the point of 'getting attached' in the way of 'i like this agent specifically'. After the fact, hearing him both in the briefing he gave and here at Phoenix's return, it's clear that Phoenix means so much more to him than that. Phoenix is his purpose and his reason.

Cog in the Machine

So, in CITM, Handler is overall back to his old self, as full of quips as always. The way he presents himself to Phoenix is very different than the previous two games. He doesn't even try and tone down his friendliness towards them-- he and Phoenix are companions, and there's nothing to stop that fact. To hell with the 'don't get attached' thing, they've been through hell and back together, they're allowed to be close with one another (in any interpretation of the phrase!)

But above all that, throughout the entirety of the game, Handler worries over Phoenix. That worry ranges from simple fussing to genuine, actual panic. I'm mentally ill about this game and character analysis in general so I'm going to cover it case by case.

The first notable instance is in Not A Drill, when the destabilized Kinesium explodes, and Phoenix briefly passes out. Handler is frantically trying to get ahold of them when they return to consciousness, and he is very much pushing to get them out of there fast. He even admits to worrying about them at the end-- while not directly, it's still worry. And in the debrief, he's still super concerned about the kinesium explosion interacting with Phoenix's implant, and alludes to fearing for their life because of it.

In Blind Spot, he checks in on Phoenix if they hit their head on the ceiling after activating the ejector seat, and there's a bunch of little moments like this scattered throughout the game. He cares a lot more if they hurt themself in general, but…

Hot Water.

Operation: Hot Water is the prime example of what I've been talking about in this section.

During the briefing, Handler mentions that another agent experienced a blackout similar to Phoenix's in this same area, and Phoenix is to go investigate it. This already sets the groundwork for him to be concerned about this mission, but as we know… well. Everything goes to shit.

Handler begins to sound nervous as soon as the lab rumbles. He blames it on the wind, and then it happens again, and then Zor's giant squid shows up.

And Handler begins to panic.

When I say panic, I mean panic. He's stuttering, he's audibly having trouble breathing, he's raising his voice.

I'll admit, the first time around, I thought I was just reading too much into his lines-- and then when he commented on it, I thought it was simply going to be played for laughs.

But no.

When the squid comes back, Handler shoots right back into that panic. I'll also admit that at first, I thought he was just scared of the squid, and then he yells that he's getting a wetsuit on. That he's coming to save Phoenix.

Handler, in the entirety of IEYTD3, is terrified for Phoenix's life.

He lost them once. He thought they died. He thought he watched them die. Maybe he thought he could do something.

And he knows that he can't bear to live with that. He now knows how much they mean to him. How badly it hurts when they're gone.

He can't lose them again.

And he'd do anything to keep them alive, if he can. He'd jump into the ocean by himself to seriously risk his life to save theirs. He almost did do that.

Just to make sure they're safe.

Phoenix, over the course of the past three games, has defied Agency expectation in terms of dying. Handler, over the past three games, has defied Agency expectation in terms of caring.

In the first game, he was dismissive about the idea of Phoenix dying. In the third, he's ready to sacrifice anything to save them.

Many expect Phoenix to die. Handler needs them to live.

[fakesimp]

Heyyy !! I'm in my missing shu hours now so can i request for any random oneshot of shu? You can write whatever you want hehe

To be with You, With Shu Yamino

Warning !

Fluff ; Hurt/Comfort ; Mentions of Distress ; Established Relationship

A/n !

I gotchu ! I hope you enjoy this anon (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

This is based on his situation update in his community post ! I know it's been like, a week or so, but I can't help it (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠) I just want to comfort Beloved Sorcerer.. (⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)

➶◜◝➴

You noticed how he, your Beloved Sorcerer. Didn't act like he used to, no matter how hard he's pretending, you can see through him. You've known him for a long time to know when he's happy, sad, upset, anything by this point.

You noticed the way he, frowns more than he used to be. You can't miss the way his brows furrowed whenever he's frowning, it's rare to see him like this, you wanted to confront himabout it. But you didn't want to interfere with his personal space, despite both of you being in a relationship for a long time, both of you respected each other's privacy.

You can't help but to get worried over his health, you heard a news about a project that he had been working on are cancelled. You remember how devastated his face looked when he told you about it, you comforted him about it. You did, but it seems like the cancellation took a big impact on him. He then told you that his friends are going on a trip to Japan, he decided to come with them. He invited you to come with him. And you did, it was the best decision you made.

Meeting up with his friends, they're all so friendly, welcoming. You're glad that your Beloved Sorcerer is much more bright than before, you're happy he's having fun. And he is too that you're here with him. And with his friends, you, Shu, and the others made unforgettable experience and memories.

And after the trip, both of you went back home with a bright smile. The moment you stepped into your shared house, both of you put away the bags in your bedroom.

. . .

"Well, that was a fun trip! I am enjoying every bits of it, thank you for taking me with you Shu." You thanked him as you took off your jacket and hung it off, he look over at you and smiled. "I'm glad that you are," he said and approached you, your back was facing him. And at that exact moment you felt pair of arms snaked around your waist, his face buried at the crook of your neck. "I also enjoy every bits of the time we spent together.." he whispered, it made you shiver.

You gently pat his head, and ran a hand through his raven hair locks. "I am glad you do, you looked much brighter ever since the trip." You pointed out, making the raven froze for a moment. "Ah, you .. noticed huh, hahah.." he let out a breathy laugh, he then kissed your cheek. "..I'm sorry, I, must've made you worried.." he slowly turned your body around facing him.

He look down at your hands and gently rub his thumb along your knuckles, "I, was.. not doing well, I tried to be okay when I am not. But I am glad that the trip manage to make me feel better," he trailed off for a moment. "And much better that you're there with me.." he whispered shyly, you can see tint of red at the peak of his ears.

"I, love you, Shu.." You spat out and wrapped your arms around him, it took him a moment to wrapped his arms around you. But once he did, he held you so tight. Not tight enough to make you couldn't breathe, you then heard him whispering,

"I Love you too.."

©fakesimp . 2023

A/n !

That, is, all ! I hope you like this anon ! And I am too, I miss him too ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ .. our Beloved Sorcerer.