wyvchard

[wyvchard]

Agent Phoenix: ... Had been friends. We've known each other for a while now.

Reginald: And you didn't think to tell anyone?

Agent Phoenix: In my defense, we were using different names.

Reginald: Roxana, something terrible has happened.

Roxana: w-what?

Reginald: ... Phoenix and Fabricator... Are friends now.

Roxana: we're doomed.

[wyvchard]

[wyvchard]

Reginald, surprised at how quickly HR responded: And how did you do that?

Agent Phoenix: Shawn in HR owes me a lot of favors.

[wyvchard]

Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

[wyvchard]

the four horsemen of writing.

3am flow, creative chaos, rant and paralysation

[wyvchard]

[wyvchard]

hey i made this fanfic writer meme. drop in my ask which one u think i am!!!!

(okay to rb!)

[wyvchard]

I absolutely love this addition. XD

Zor: I'll upgrade security next time, Agent.

Agent Phoenix: The only thing stopping me from outright killing you is 1. The possible economic impact of people fighting to be in charge of Zoraxis in case you died. 2. Messing with you is also kinda fun. And 3. I just don't want to. We don't want a repeat of that incident, do we?

Fabricator, watching this from the security footage: *pauses* Wait. What did they say to Phoenix that time?

Dr. Zor: *at the mercy of Phoenix* well, Agent Phoenix, well done. You've caught me. But what are you going to do? Shoot me? Then you'd be just as bad as me.

Agent Phoenix: no I'm pretty I'm still better than you. *Shoots them*

[wyvchard]

Agent Phoenix would bring out a long piece of paper detailing so many embarrassing details of Zor while Zor is probably there suffering from what the shot did.

Dr. Zor: *at the mercy of Phoenix* well, Agent Phoenix, well done. You've caught me. But what are you going to do? Shoot me? Then you'd be just as bad as me.

Agent Phoenix: no I'm pretty I'm still better than you. *Shoots them*

[wyvchard]

just remember, one day you're going to open tumblr and the crabs will be raving like they never have before

[wyvchard]

blows my mind that i have little online friends who mildly care about me. it’s really nice

[wyvchard]

by making you read this post i am wasting your time. press reblog to make other people waste their time

[wyvchard]

[wyvchard]

Maybe if he was a little less fuckable we wouldn’t be in this mess

[wyvchard]

sorry that you think my fictional ship is illegal. I actually consulted a fictional lawyer about it and he had a talk with a fictional cop about the fictional laws and then they both looked at me, and very seriously said "we'll allow it because it's hot."

[wyvchard]

That moment when you gotta reread your own fic before working on the next chapter because it's been so long since you've worked on it.

[wyvchard]

something about foreshadowing being more prominent the second time around reading a story but in a way that the meaning is changed forever and you can never view a story the same as you once did before. do you know what i mean.