#i love the smashing pumpkins

[sil-te-plait-tue-moi]

Siamese dream.

Quick summary: Rust observes you.

Word count: 936 words

Warnings: N/A

A/N: Quick drabble! Written as an exercise to get me ready for a longer story, maybe a second part to that first smut fic.

***

Considering the magnitude of existence, he didn’t technically have time for you. 

Rust was good at his job, and it was worthwhile – these were the two things that he told himself when the spiralling tide of loneliness threatened his way of life, the two things that he would tell another if ever prompted. Man’s propensity to violence was so prominent and intimidating that he had long reasoned that the most efficient way to live, to continue (at least outwardly) as a functional member of society, was to accept that evil existed. With this, of course, came its partner: punishment was required, deserved. If Rust had to live, he would be worthwhile, be productive, deliver this. He would not look away. 

He was an extraordinary machine, quick of tongue and sharp of wit. If he viewed himself as such, his day-to-day would not have to bear the burden of attachment, the thing with teeth and claws, the root of all great wars, sustenance to the crimes of passion for which he was condemnation. 

You were not welcome in his thoughts.

Sure, he had a wiring for people-watching, for assessing and contemplating their movements and likeness for some kind of mental filing system – he knew this. Within the first moments of becoming acquainted with Marty, his robust, heavy handshake, swaggering stride and gap-toothed grin had told Rust all he needed to know about his new partner. He enjoyed it, he thought – not in the instant action, but rather the satisfaction of watching an individual act exactly how he’d expected them to. It brought some aspect of calm into Rust’s life, made it easier to talk, to blink, to breathe. Not peace, exactly. Predictability. Science. 

He had seen you before and therefore was not disarmed by the practiced smile that had greeted him for the first time, nor the way its gladness seemed to seep right into your tone. He figured that you were easy to laughter, to friends. For a moment, with both your two hands still tenderly enveloping his one, which was rigid and itching to recoil to his own self, he briefly considered adopting these qualities. Rust had accepted his nature and did not particularly care to re-evaluate what was so hopeless and stubborn—but your warmth had elicited a guilt he rarely felt. This guilt usually only resurfaced when he was around small children, untouched by the horrors of humanity. He felt like a corruption, like the rot in his bones might be contagious as well as parasitic.

You were no use to his work. Consequently, you were no use to him. He did not need nor want you in his life. Before long, the agitation in response to what he could only assume were attempts at friendship—a miraculous mug of black coffee ritualistically at the edge of his desk every Monday and Friday—had to have subsided into rationality, revealing him to the conclusion that you were lonely. 

An awful thing the brain can be, really. The miraculous organ, conscious of consciousness: the self’s most potent deception, its most invisible betrayal. 

Rust knew he was not good for other people. He barely considered himself to be a person. He accepted carefully measured amounts of exposure to satisfy the human’s reptilian desire for connection: this was safest when by proxy. He could spare himself and those around him the difficulty of introspection, which seemed inevitable in all relations, by simply observing. 

You were so desperate to connect. He could feel it radiating from you, almost tangible, in gentle, glowing waves. Then again, you would never speak unless spoken to. To begin with, he attributed this phenomenon to introversion. Then, perhaps it was due to femininity: there was a heightened perception, he found, in Louisiana for a wife, a mother, a daughter, a whore, to accept any and all treatment from men, as it was well-meant or well-deserved. He overheard Geraci say something about how well you had accustomed to the transfer from Brooklyn. “Nothin’ like Cohle.”

It'd bother him some: to feel you looking at him; when Marty would mention you in passing; when his body would tense in unfamiliar hesitation when he would glimpse your colours through the slits in the files room units. Apparently, you were funny. He agreed – there were times when he would overhear a sly remark or smartass retort and huff to himself in amusement, protected by his and your turned backs. He knew you could work someone well: you near always exited the box victorious. If you weren’t—victorious, that is—you were solemn, quiet, cagey. You always went back for what you needed, sometimes more. In his own way, he knew you. He was grateful that he had never looked at you or spoken to you long enough for you to know him. 

People who considered themselves perceptive usually thought they could crack Rust, turn him inside out, read him. They tried to hold his eyes, tried to make him uncomfortable to prove their lazy, shallow, unoriginal theory that he was shy, that he was misunderstood. What a surprise for them, then, when he would push back with a flat stare, unblinking, inexorable. 

He thought it entirely viable for you to do the same. He almost hoped you would, bitter, hoping for the opportunity to win against you, to destabilise the perception you had of yourself – that was the parasite talking. He almost hoped that you might be arrogant underneath, so that he could dislike you as he disliked most at the precinct. He waited for you to approach him.

But you didn’t. You just left coffee on his desk, which he always drank.

[lubtubby]

I got smashing pumpkins concert tickets I'm very excited.. 👅👅👅

[squigglegon]

THIS IS LITERALLY PERFECTION ohmy gosh

and i don’t even care to shake these zipper blues and we don’t know, just where our bones will rest to dust, i guess

forgotten and absorbed into the earth below

scollace week day 2 - pining + sparks

[trecoolsdick]

OK FAGGOTS WHO WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT MY GREEN DAY SHOWWWWW

y’all better buckle up cuz this is a long one.

saw them last night in minneapolis (where i’m from) at target field (baseball stadium). my friend and i had VIP PIT TICKETS which ostensibly meant we needed to get there early as shit and wait in line for hours (which we did)

doors opened at 5:30 and the show started at 7:30

my friend and i get there at 11am to wait in line and we were among the first fucking people there (with us was a girl dressed like 2004 billie and she got pulled on stage to meet him and sing know your enemy and i was SO JEALOUS). we also make friends with two other gays who help keep our spots in line and at the barricade 🥹

we wait in line for 5 hours and already my feet are starting to hurt but we press on and rush downstairs to the field and get to the fucking barricade!!!!!!!!

they had three (3) openers which were the linda lindas, rancid and the smashing pumpkins (!!!!!!!!) and my friend and i take turns sitting and squatting to help the immense back pain building up

FINALLY AFTER HOURS OF WAITING GREEN DAY COMES OUT AND THEY OPEN WITH AMERICAN DREAM

they played dookie, know your enemy, look ma no brains, one eyed bastard, dilemma, MINORITY and brain stew and then transitioned into american idiot

i was so close to billie and it was fucking insane. i don’t have words. he looked at me and i almost peed my pants

the encore was bobby sox before they closed with good riddance and billie said “encores are for arrogant people”

monsieur tré cool walked out and threw all of his used drumsticks from the show out into the crowd and i CAUGHT ONE but wrested briefly with someone for it before they let it go

we hugged all the nice people we met in line and slowly made our way out and back home and ordered Taco Bell at midnight (which let me fucking tell you. that shit fucks)

my feet and back have never hurt so much in my life and at one point i crawled on the floor to my bathroom to get some advil for the pain before collapsing into bed……..

and let me tell you………

i waited 10 months for this night and it did not disappoint at all. i love this band so fucking much. they keep changing my life for the better and i’ve never been more proud to love a band the way i love green day. this was truly one of the best nights of my life.

[zeakis]

flower video tribute edit of his best times on the pens (pranks and highlights ofc)

[moon-angel999]

I just bought a smashing pumpkins t shirt even tho I've never listened to them so now I'm listening to "Mellon collie and the infinite sadness" just in case some asshole asks me to name 5 songs (I'm just a girl)

[adriantheanimator09]

MELLON COLLIE AND THE INFINITE SADNESS BY THE SMASHING PUMPKINS RECREATED WOTH WORDGIRL CHARACTERS!!!

Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness is one of my favorite albums and I REALLY wanted to recreate this with Wordgirl, and OMG this came out SO GOOD I LOVE IT SM!!!!

I also made the original album cover with JUST Wordgirl on it

[cookinguptales]

the horrors truly do keep horroring but at least I have pumpkin whipped cream for my coffee now

little wins

[magp1e-starl1ght]

Url song game! Tagged by @gthostz :}

M - M.E - Gary Numan

A - Ashes to Ashes - David Bowie

G - Golden Brown - The Stranglers

P - Precious - Depeche Mode

1 - 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins

E - Enjoy The Silence - Depeche Mode

S - Swamp Thing - The Chameleons

T - The Killing Moon - Echo & The Bunnymen

A - A Strange Day - The Cure

R - Reptile - The Church

L - Lullaby - The Cure

I - Isolation - Joy Division (couldn’t find another one for 1 :[ )

G - Get Out Of Control - Daniel Ash

H - Haunted When The Minutes Drag - Love & Rockets

T - The Man Who Sold The World - David Bowie

I’m tagging @transfloppa , @transprince , @fuckmarykill @2starry-owl3 to join!

[honeyspiderr]

September 5th, 1992 at Paradiso in Amsterdam, NL

[riverpancakes]

it looks like im about to attack him lol

[piosplayhouse]

Forced myself to listen to a 2 hour long FNAF song playlist while I was doing homework so I would do it faster and now I'm thinking about shen yuan with an FNAF hyperfixation dutifully explaining the lore to an enthralled and slightly terrified binghe

[disruptxrr]

some library finds . sept 1 2023

[homolegs]

devotion

take me down - the smashing pumpkins / for you i hold my breath - lalleshwari (katie jane garside) / to be alone with you - sufjan stevens / love songs on the radio - mojave 3 / womb - adrianne lenker / mojo pin - jeff buckley / jonathan - adrianne lenker / that’s all i ask - nina simone / true love waits (live at oslo) - radiohead / sour breath - julien baker

[z0mbiefrank]

WTTBP: Making of the Video - Director Sam Bayer Bullet With Butterfly Wings - The Smashing Pumpkins // Welcome To The Black Parade - My Chemical Romance