#i love the idea of having friends again irl but im so scared of that happening again. even with my old friends that i know they're not like

[gogomeaty]

My brain decided that today it was a good day to torment me with all my friendship trauma from middle and high school, lol.

I'm amazed at how, in that time, I always ended up being friends with my bullies or just horrible people but didn't realize at that moment + I was dissociated the whole time

[libbytwq]

hey can i be sappy for a moment, i feel like getting a thing off my chest (positive vent)

I love you all in the SMG4 Tumblr community so much. Y'all are absolutely epic and amazing and so creative and just. chill.

I've always been so nervous about joining set fandoms/fandom communities, cuz usually the community is huge and overwhelming, toxic, scary, crazy, and the idea of being in those communities and interacting with people in those communities and being in there not just to post a dingle fanart from it and dip, but to help be a big part of the community and whatnot sounded... overwhelming.

Then I slowly began getting super hyperfixated on SMG4, much more than I usually am, leading me to post more about it. Fanart, things I notice, goofy theories... more than just me saying a couple things i like about it, posting a fanart, then moving onto something else.

I started kinda just exploring the SMG4 tags and gradually, I began recognizing most of the people in this community more and more -- recognizing art styles, etc. I noticed how small a community it was.

And it was a mostly chill community. I wasn't really seeing much drama or questionable things, maybe some criticisms about the show or theories or whatever, but nobody was at each others throats. Plus, the fan OCs were super neat.

I had begun posting more and more SMG4 content, drawing fanart, their OCs, and the fact people were so just... chill and welcoming about it was so nice. It wasn't nearly as scary -- we are all just vibing here. Most of the artists you look up to will probably see your work, and give it attention too.

It feels super strange to be considered an SMG4 Tumblr artist, having people literally enjoying the things I make and making things for me when they make things for SMG4 fanartists... its honestly super surreal. But so so exciting and euphoric.

Cuz yall are so awesome!! Yall make my day so bright. Yall are the best.

I'll be honest, when I first was slowly being a part of the SMG4 community -- sometime right after summer vacation began -- I had been dealing with some petty but difficult irl person issues.

I don't want to get into it too much, but I had basically messed up in a pretty bad way (enough to make me feel bad the moment I did it, but not enough that we couldn't move on and mature from it), and the people involved were hurt worse than I thought they were, and instead of trying to talk it out they resorted lying about being my friends for months before school ended, and over summer break, tried to cancel one of my Scratch account and drag my followers there into drama that they had no business being in, for the simple reason being "you don't deserve all that fame".

Despite their attempt at trying to cancel me not really working out very well, it very much affected me negatively and made me very very scared about using Scratch again. I still post projects there sometimes, but i felt weird when i do it. I felt like those people were watching my every move, waiting to try and drag me down again. It felt so strange and scary to feel like the people I once cared so deeply about are breathing down my neck, waiting for me to make another wrong move and add it to their proof of why I'm an awful person.

It sucks ass.

The SMG4 community here on Tumblr, despite none of you knowing I was going through anything at all, you all helped a lot. Just existing.

Being a welcoming community that I feel safe to be silly and normal in.

I've never been the best at expressing appreciation, but let me just say:

I think of you all so highly and I never want you to change.

Keep making silly art. Or fanfics. Or AUs. Or OCs. Or whatever you like doing in this tiny close-knit fandom.

Keep doing everything you're doing to make this community mean so much to me.

❤️❤️❤️

...this sounds like im leaving the community,, IM NOT I just wanted to get it off my chest cuz ive been experiencing the emotions™ yknow, sorry that its not like my regular posts lol, im not gonna post like this much LMAOOO

TL;DR: yall are fuckin awesome please keep being awesome forever and ever ily bye

[cloudcountry]

I wanted to ask why you hated Idia so much back then and the reason you adore him?

im gonna start telling people to pay me whenever they ask why i hate(d) idia because ive got this question easily 20 different times and frankly i'm losing money by not accepting payment

im not writing all that again i'm so tired of explaining it over and over ughhhh its not your fault min its just i seem to be a skipping record with how often i've had to repeat the same thing over and over and over for a YEAR and people just KEEP ASKING like ok you want to know about my relationship with idia shroud PAY UP!!!!!

anyways...i havent written about the things i adore about him yet so...

first first first!! the thing that made me gasp the softest gasp i have ever gasped in my life when i first saw it...his pink hair. its a bit superficial i guess but now that i like idia i think he's stunning. he's so hauntingly beautiful, especially when he's just a little bit flustered and the tips of his hair turn pink. what i would do to see his whole head turn pink PLEASE.

i also think his smile is so silly, even though it's usually accompanied by his smug ass voice "should'a leveled up more!" SHUT UP!!!!! i love his sharp teeth theyre so goofy nd silly but in a cute way. honestly i think his scowl is cute too, idk maybe i just like his lips but watching them twist up in annoyance when he rolls his eyes is attractive to me dont ask i dont know either. does that say something about me? maybe. i'm content with not knowing.

onto less superficial things...i just finished reading book six yesterday and it struck me how idia's heart is genuinely so beautiful. he loves so gently and fully, but with devotion that would destroy the world if he let it loose. being loved and treasured by idia is a privilege, because once he lets you in he would do anything for you (just dont fuck it up or i will beat you up im being so serious LEAVE HIM ALONE)

the extent to which he cares for ortho is so beautiful and so heartbreaking. "leave it to your big bro" im dead. everything he does is for ortho to have a safe and fulfilling life and honestly...it kind of seems like idia is trying to pay ortho back in a sense? like you died (because of me), now i will spend the rest of my life mourning you as punishment. he wants to give him the best life possible and thats just so ourgourgouhgohou,,,, his grieving is so complex and yet its so simple. heartbreaking i tell you.

on a lighter note, he's very passionate about the things he's into as well. one thing about figuring our how to like idia was turning my reaction to his condescending jabs from "oh he's such a know it all bitch what the hell people are literally just indulging in his interests what is wrong with him?" TO "oh he's just excited and getting an adrenaline rush, it's going to his head. he's happy. :)" and that was absolutely growth on my part because. ok AUBURN LORE TIME but i used to have a friend who was very condescending and a HUGE know it all (irl IRL IRL) and i think they definitely impacted how i saw idia because i saw bits of them in him. and since they hurt me so much i projected my experiences with them onto idia, so the first time i met him in game i wrote him off immediately and hated him after i saw what he said to others and how he acted.

but one of the many problems with that approach was that i missed the gentler sides of him. the way he goes back to school for ortho. the way he powers through the masquerade social for ortho. his idea of yuu being "valuable emotional support." his love of cats, regardless of how bad he scared grim. his love of star rogue and the way he made the sequel actually happen, albiet unintentionally. i spent so much time resenting him because "of course he's just another one of those." that i didn't stop to notice anything about him except for those bad moments. and of course, i'm not ignoring them now, i just see them differently. i see him differently.

of course i love that he's relatable, and that he's smart, and i love how when he's comfortable he loses his filter and becomes idia shroud instead of just being Scared of them, but i think that's just. social anxiety. and yk what ive said this before but even when i hated him i would NOT stand for anyone coming for his anxiety. like yeah i hate idia shroud but BITCH GET AWAY FROM HIM. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ANXIETY IS LIKE!!! put me in nrc right now idia shroud needs someone who will yell at people for him and thats going to be ME. i dont care who you are you say shit you are earning my IRE. trey clover got yelled at. no one is safe.

can i just say i love how you said "reason" like there's only one JDSJSDJSD LMAO IDK IT WAS JUST FUNNY TO ME when i love someone i have multiple reasons and i love every part of them, even the bad annoying icky parts (in fact, if you can't love their bad parts too is it even love...? i dont know, we all have different definitions anyway. some might think tolerating their bad parts is love too and we'd both be right.) theres no one reason i just think he's lovely inside and out now. he's an angel, basically.

[unablethethird]

once again

Same with you skip the weird ones

1: Name Robert [rob]

2: Age 14

3: 3 Fears 1- Friends dying/getting hurt 2-Going back to the last place i lived 3-Not being able to help/be there

4: 3 things I love 1-My frens 2-Laptop 3-headphones

7: My best friend You and yaya [irl]

8: Sexual orientation AroAce [fictoromantic/fictosexual, and kinda orchidromantic]

10: How tall am I 166cm [for now]

11: What do I miss

cant think of anything rn

12: What time were I born 4am

13: Favorite color red, orange, purple, black

15: Favorite quote "Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night, light a man *on* fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life"

16: Favorite place Arcade

17: Favorite food Imjaderah [rice+yoghurt+beans]

18: Do I use sarcasm sometimes, not rlly tho

19: What am I listening to right now

20: First thing I notice in new person Not sure, maybe symptoms???? but not on purpose

21: Shoe size No idea

22: Eye color dark brown [almost black]

23: Hair color black

24: Favorite style of clothing 1920s men atire

25: Ever done a prank call? Not that i can remember

27: Meaning behind my URL I mean this is the 3rd acc

28: Favorite movie THE LORAX!!!!

29: Favorite song right now it's

30: Favorite band FamilyJules? LemonDemon? Will wood? Chonny jash?

31: How I feel right now My body's scared but im chilling

32: Someone I love You /p

33: My current relationship status AroAce, platonically married

34: My relationship with my parents lol

35: Favorite holiday Eid al adha, free money

36: Tattoos and piercing i have Ear

37: Tattoos and piercing i want Sleeve tattoo when i transition

38: The reason I joined Tumblr Needed to continue a fic/comic that was on tumblr

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? idk

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? thank you fren /gen

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? my dad? maybe when i was really young

42: When did I last hold hands? My little sister, i didnt want her to get run over when crossing the road

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? As long as i have, if u give me an hour i'll take an hour, if you give me 30 seconds i'll take 30 seconds

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Nope, i get gender dysphoria from shaving my legs/arms

45: Where am I right now? Bed

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOUD

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Mum, not dad

49: Am I excited for anything? Turning 18 and going uni and being a human person with a human life

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Im an oversharer

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Im autistic so not in a deppressed way

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Cant remember

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? H [irl]

55: What is something I disliked about today? My sister stealing money from my mum, i was this close to having smoke outta my ears, she should know better

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? God, im going to beat the shit out of him

57: What do I think about most? Cringe memories i guess?

58: What’s my strangest talent? I can bird whistle

59: Do I have any strange phobias? Touch might be strange?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind fs

61: What was the last lie I told? "I don't know who they were talking about" [i didn't want to hurt her feelings]

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? voice, video is a nightmare

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yea because either i've seen them or im delusional [im delusional]. aliens are a given, even a bacteria could be one

64: Do I believe in magic? Kinda? idrk, maybe

65: Do I believe in luck? yea

66: What’s the weather like right now? cloudy n cold

67: What was the last book I’ve read? DnD rulebook

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? LVORE IT LOIF LVOE LOVE IT

69: Do I have any nicknames? I get called by my last name a lot

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? not sure

71: Do I spend money or save it? Save

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Unfortunatly no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? My sisters deoderant

74: Favorite animal?

FOXES!!!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? calming myself down

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I dont think he has one, idk im not religious

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Corny/cringe as hell but Honeypie by JAWNY

78: How can you win my heart? havent thought about it

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

I TOLD YOU MY FOOT WAS KILLING ME

80: What is my favorite word? supercalifragilisticexpialadocious

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr Moots

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? your god is the right one [chaos]

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not currently, but my dad and some uncles were

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Time manipulation

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i dont think questions are scary

86: What is my current desktop picture? basic

90: Failed a class? classes

94: Had job? I have one now, dont always get paid though

95: Left the house without my wallet? Dont have a wallet

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no

98: Played on a sports team?

Unless school sport team counts

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no

104: Been overweight? No

105: Been underweight? yea

106: Been to a wedding? ye

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Duh

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? maybe i dont remember

109: Been outside my home country? Technically im from iran, and i live in australia, so, yeah

110: Gotten my heart broken? i guess

111: Been to a professional sports game? no

112: Broken a bone? no

113: Cut myself? yeah Im stopping though

114: Been to prom? we dont have that

115: Been in airplane?

Yeah

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? kinda

119: Learned another language? I know arabic and english

120: Wore make up? Forced to when i was younger but not anymore

123: Dyed my hair? Part of it purple, but its gone now

124: Voted in a presidential election? Cant vote, eitherway all of em suck

125: Rode in an ambulance? Yep

126: Had a surgery? not sure, memory bad

127: Met someone famous? Not that i know of

128: Stalked someone on a social network? mutuals tumblrs

129: Peed outside? Yea

130: Been fishing? nope

131: Helped with charity? yep

132: Been rejected by a crush? nope

133: Broken a mirror? Yep

134: What do I want for birthday? Wouldn't ever happen because it's expensive as fuck but a pump it up machine

i usually get a slice of cake tho

[symbiotic-slime]

3, 13, 16 for the fandom ask!

3. nOTP?

I don’t have any big ships that are nOTPs, but the one ship that I cannot stand in the Venom fandom is any variation of Carlton Drake/Eddie. there’s like less than 50 fics for it so it’s funny for me to get so mad about it but yeah. it just gives me such the ick

13. What’s a character/ship you haven’t written/drawn yet but you would like to some day?

For both writing and drawing, I really want to make symflash content!! I don’t know why I haven’t drawn them, but with writing I get so scared of messing up Flash’s character that my fic ideas just collect dust in my Google docs 😭 I redrew a TikTok screenshot for symbiot3 (inspired by @kitausuret ‘s incredible fic Careless of the Consequence go read it you won’t regret it) so I’ve technically made content for them but again I haven’t written it because of the mischaracterization fear 😭

16. Do people irl know you participate in fandom?

yes!! all of my irl besties are my mutuals on here! I frequently torment my lovely friends @fist-of-vengeance, @cyborg-empress, and @depresseddm-thedndkind with my fic ideas and frankly nonstop yapping about Venom— it’s gotten so bad that whenever someone in the friend group talks about their new obsession they refer to it as their Venom lmaoo. they all know im a weird little freak /pos

[the-space-jesus]

♪ Rehearsal 3 ♪

(Too lazy for context, this post is unfindable anyways so if you've found it you know the context).

Yay, finally got to the one that's today! (I've been mindlessly typing on my school computer whilst nibbling on a piece of old cheese for the past like...30 minutes?). So, me and Mischa decided to go on vocal rest today for the rehearsal and for funsies. He brought two whiteboards and two markers, I got a white board and a purple marker. I still talked a little to my friends and to teachers and stuff, but mostly just through the board which was really funny (me and my friend made some inappropriate jokes, I mean it was bound to happen when you give a teenager an open space to write on). My friends told me that I sound very scary with a calm voice and that it felt weird not to have me constantly talking...I had also gotten a bag of cough drops the day before and I have now become addicted to them (Idk what it is with theatre kids and cough drops...it's just a true love story). After a beautiful (living hell) day of school it was finally time to head over to the theatre room, where I found out that Ocean and Constance are in the same class?? Makes sense character-wise, but I had no idea IRL. Anyways we put down our stuff, did some quick warm up and WHY DID MY TUMBLR CHANGE TO DARK MODE IM SCARED I SWEAR IL SLEEP TUMBLR anyways and Jane arrived a little late and everyone got cough drops from me because I wanted to be cool. Oh and I forgot to mention, the theater/drama teacher was there for the first like 5 minutes and he was just talking with us and he was really interested so yay!! Also once again forgot to mention I was wearing my very theatrical suit, got a lot of compliments for it and made me feel very cool :)). Anyways me and Ocean were tasked with warming Jane up and then we began with some seperate character development! Me and Jane and Mischa did some scenes together and Ocean and Constance did some scenes seperately (with curtains to seperate us and all) and then we worked on the choreo for fall fair suite, aswell as on some lines. Finally! Lines! It was very fun to practice my catchphrase and get some more insight on Ricky and how I'm going to bring him to live (had a bit of an identity crisis but WHY BE YOURSELF WHEN YOU CAN BE RICKY POTTS?), and I'm even more hyped for this whole thing now! Jane also practiced Karnak's Dream Of Life and SHE IS SO GOOD AT SINGING WTF. At some point we heard the school speaker say that everyone not at school for an appointment has to get their asses out but we gaslit ourselves collectively into believing that we do have an appointment (and lied to some guy when he saw us at the lockers, this mf blamed the theatre teachers rip him he was a real one) and then we all hugged and said our goodbyes. I'm so happy and excited! If only I could capture this energy and my thoughts and EVERYTHING perfectly through a post...oh well. Love ya!

-Ricky Potts🖖

[diarygirls]

do u have any suggestions on how to . meet people? ive never been approached by anyone/never even gone on a date but im 22 and so lonely and scared of dating apps:(( any suggestions on how i can Put Myself Out There

<3 sending love & a sympathetic ear because i was in a similar situation myself in my early 20s and it felt so lonely even though from talking to others i know it’s actually not so unusual. sometimes i feel like the prevalence of dating apps has made dating this activity that’s entirely separate from the rest of your life / your social circle and it’s actually reduced the amount of casual dating we do in early adulthood. hmm anyway some suggestions:

for making friends in general: in my experience the easiest way to make friends is to pick an interest or activity + regularly show up where people do it. work or university are two obvious examples but there’s also rec sports leagues, online meetup groups for hobbies, trivia or open mic nights at local bars, bouldering/climbing gym or another specialized sports studio, martial arts studio, group art class, knitting circles, book clubs, volunteering … all good ways to expand your social circle + also valuable in themselves! it can feel intimidating to do things solo but people are pretty receptive to chatting especially if they’re also by themselves or maybe just 2 or 3 people. additionally bumble has a BFF mode that’s specifically for platonic connections & i have a very wonderful friend who i met from there so it might be worth a try.

and all of these ^^ situations (except bumble BFF) are good ways to meet people to date too! the only thing is for some reason in my experience, you rarely meet people to date when that’s your only goal from the interaction. like, i’ve been in social situations (outside of like bars/clubs where it’s the norm) where you can just tell that someone is only looking at new people as potential romantic interests or hookups and it just puts more pressure on every interaction. so like get out and do things and meet people, allow yourself to be open to them, if they’re cute + available feel free to flirt but don’t discount the interaction if it doesn’t turn romantic yknow?

oh also tell your friends you want to start dating! you might not want to date your close friends but they probably know someone who knows someone who you’d like to date. i’ve even been on a blind date that a friend set up for me and while it didn’t go anywhere it was still nice + less nerve-wracking than app dates because we at least had a common interest and a single shared connection. tbh in my experience NO ONE will support your dating adventures as much as your friends who have been happily partnered and in love for years, because they want everyone else to be in love, and they need the gossip.

finally ik you said you’re scared of dating apps but they’re not all bad! i think dating apps can be a good option for adults not in a university setting esp if you just want to meet a lot of people with low stakes. i think a lot of people (myself included) considering meeting someone on an app as less “real” than a cute meeting irl but the reality is a lot of single people you meet irl will also be on apps. i had a thing w this guy from an app and we ran into each a year later at a party and realized we had mutual friends and it was this nice realization like oh we would’ve met anyway. and i know a lot of people who are in relationships that started on apps! do what you’re comfy with of course but they’re always an option.

and of course goes without saying that there is so much love and romance to be had in life without a partner, that you can find so much joy and care and growth through friends family passions etc, that timelines are not real and that all experiences will come in time but you’ve probably heard that a lot, i know i did and do. but saying it again in case u need to hear it 🤍

hope some of these ideas resonate w u - ik it’s been a couple months since you asked so maybe it’ll just help someone else in a similar situation. good luck! <3

finally i know you said scared of dating apps but they’re actually not all bad and i think for adults who aren’t in university it’s a great way to just kind of dip your foot in the dating pool. plus i think a lot of us (me included) tend to romanticize irl meetings when the reality is a lot of people you’d meet in a cute way irl will also be on dating apps, i had a thing w someone from an app and a year later we ran into each other at a party and realized we had mutual friends and it was a nice reminder like ok well we would’ve met anyway, just on a later timeline. i know lots of people who are in relationships that started on them too. dating apps are also real life!!!

maybe some these ideas will resonate with you, ik it’s been a couple months since you sent it so maybe it’ll just help someone else in a similar situation. good luck out there 💗

[detectivebambam]

*sigh* here we go again

Im bored, and yet again, I have found myself in ur asks box

Sooo, more questions🥳🥳

🔐 something no one would guess about you

🧟‍♀️ scariest thing that’s happened to you

🔥 craziest thing that’s ever happened to you

🍓 favorite food

🍅 least favorite food

🍊 favorite season?

🍋 favorite genre to read / watch / write

🍐 if you could make one character real, who would it be

🫐 some place you’d love to visit

Alsoooo which of the foxes do u think like pineapple on pizza and which ones hate it? Do u think they regularly have arguments about it in the foxes gc (assuming they have one) or constantly bring it up in completely unrelated arguments??

And Nora said Andrew is the older twin which makes sense since he has the whole big brother energy, but what if Aaron was the older twin??? Like the potential???

i hope you know i love you more than anything

well if you knew me irl and not from tumblr, nobody seems to think I'm queer? I'm very country yk, the whole farmer, horseback riding, rodeo, etc. since you know me on tumblr, switch it lol

i walked down to "the murder house" (every small town has a murder house) with my friends and my hunting dog. obvs he's a hunting dog so he's not scared of animals or anything, but he was sniffing around this pile of junk and ran out with his tail between his legs? so we left but right on the fence line there was a pile of dirty kids clothes, tissues, and rubber gloves. spooky

craziest thing???? i actually have no idea 😐 maybe getting shot with a bb gun when i was like 2 yrs old

any carbohydrates, or sushi 🤭

pork 😔 i raise meat pigs, but pork is just gross to me. chops, bacon, anything. idk

summer!!!! i love being warm

read and watch? historical fiction or retelling. write?: idk probably porn

i want to say Andrew Minyard, but the amount of trauma he has I don't want another real person to go through that. so maybe Alex C-Diaz ? I'd make that whole book real if i could lol

i would love to go to Peru i think it's so beautiful

I'm gonna start with the second one here: if you look at my twinyard tags, you would know that i 100% hc Aaron as the older twin, and i love writing angst about it

Pineapple on Pizza

Absolutely Not:

Alison. she's gotta be one of those pretentious bitches that went to Italy for a week with her family and thinks she knows everything

Andrew: he probably only eats breadsticks anyway with all of his food avoidance stuff. so i would say no?

Aaron: morally against it, but would probably enjoy it if he tried it

Kevin: i don't think Kevin likes pizza at all, but if he does, he wouldn't want fruit on it

Dan: also morally against it, but wouldn't like it if she tried it

Yes:

Neil. no evidence for this, just vibes

Matt. i think Hawaiian pizza is his favorite 😒

Nicky: he lives for weird food combos i feel

Renee: she genuinely loves the way it tastes

they absolutely argue over it, and it's fun for all of them to watch the twins team up on something

and they absolutely have a group chat (with just the og 9)

[obsoleteozymandias]

Heyy, here for that matchup exchange!

A resident evil matchup would be pretty cool, and I’m fine with any gender.

So, first things first, I’m a trans dude that uses he/they pronouns. Sometimes I’ll wear more feminine clothes, but a lot of the time I’m just wearing whatever’s clean. My wardrobe consists mostly of silly t-shirts, the occasional dress shirt, band merch, and just plain black t-shirts. Oh, I own a lot of black clothes. It’s pretty much the only color I wear. I also almost always have a hoodie/sweatpants on too because I’m insecure about my arms and legs.

I have this habit where if something bad happens, I’ll just go quiet for a couple hours. I also get overwhelmed by life so my eyes get all wide and I look like I’m about to cry lol.

That’s what I look like 😭

Anyways, I also have pretty bad depression/anxiety, but I’m fine as long as I take my medication.

Other than all that sad stuff, I’ve been told Im a pretty funny person. I enjoy seeing people smile and laugh because of my jokes. Sometimes im not trying to be funny, it’s just how I am. Like, when something starts to fall (or I think it’s gonna fall) I start to talk to it and maybe kinda yell at it. I also talk to myself a lot when I think im alone. Mostly things like reminding myself to do something or not to do something, but sometimes I’ll have full on conversations about how crazy I sound lol.

I really really like horror related stuff, so that’s something that doesn’t really bother me irl. Like, you could show me a picture of a pretty gruesome wound and I’d just be like “neato” or whatever. I also write—duh— and really like to read in my spare time.

As a lover im pretty affectionate (touch starvation for the win lol) and will bake or cook you anything you could ever want. You mention these cookies that seem really good? I’ve made them for you. You mention that your hungry? Five course meal has just been plated, sit and eat. Im also fiercely protective of people I care about. I won’t hesitate to hit a bitch if they’re being mean to my friends. On the topic of hitting people, it takes a lot to get me angry, and I’m apparently pretty scary when I’m mad. But, instead of arguing or making my anger known, I’ll just go to a room where it’s quiet and I can be alone to play music and calm myself down. I don’t like how I am when I’m angry because I get scared I’ll hurt someone.

Music is also a huge part of my life. I mostly listen to metal (it’s in brand for me if you’ve seen me irl lmao) but I have my guiltily pleasure songs. I also have a somewhat decent (?) singing voice. Idk man. I also dye and cut my hair compulsively because I think it looks cool. I may or may not do it in the middle of the night. I’ll never tell.

Uhh, I think that’s all? Thanks again and I’m sorry this is so long 😭

Bro you are relatable fr. Also thanks for doing this with me :D I love longer descriptions because they give me more to work off of!

== Resident Evil ==>

I match you up with…

Ashley Graham

Okay, I will admit, this is partially because of her skin in the RE4 remake. I won’t lie to you, bro. She’s definitely a scene/punk kid. 

But! That aside, I think the two of you could be an absolute power couple. 

Ashley is most attracted to your loyalty and maturity. She admires that you stand up for what you believe in, including your friends and people you care for. She’s also relieved to know that you aren’t afraid to get physical, since the idea of hitting someone scares her. 

On that note, you’re kind of like her knight-in-shining-armor. You’ll handle anything and everything she can’t stand (ex blood, guts, gore, physical stuff), and she’ll cheer you on from the sidelines. 

And she’ll shower you with kisses and hugs later. She calls your her prince/knight. 

She’s a very affectionate person, and she never hesitates to hug you or call you a cute name. In fact, she finds it delightful that she can be that cheesy around you. She loves that she can be herself around you. 

The two of you are also menaces when it comes to cracking jokes and puns. She’s there to pick up on your gags, and she throws them right back at you. The two of you even spend time together just baking and giggling about nothing important. 

She loves watching you cook and bake. She’ll just sit on the counter and observe you, and sneak in a kiss or two while you’re busy. Especially when you’re busy. You’ve burnt a bit of food because of this. 

Ashley is also a huge fan of music. She’s into pop and indie music, but also rock and, once you introduce her to it, metal. She likes how loud and powerful it feels. 

Ashley will absolutely help you dye and cut your hair - she does it all the time, too! She gets how sometimes emotions can be overwhelming, so you need to just do something expressive. She’ll add matching streaks in the both of your hair, and it's very cute. 

She also loves that the two of you can experiment with fashion together. She’s glad to have a partner who isn’t opposed to wearing some feminine clothing, or who isn’t afraid to express themselves through clothes like she does. 

Overall, you and Ashley are simply made for eachother. You compliment the best in one another everyday, and are a strong couple in my eyes. 

[anxiouslyextroverted]

hey i love your lore posts but with your point about c!dream using the revival book pre- prison as in what he did to lazar and vik that had happened after he escaped prison. Not before

Also when you say cdream wanted ctommy for his goal what do you mean by that can you elaborate? What would he need him for😭

oh man long ass reply im so sorry. :(

I have no idea when it took place (but since it showed in the dreamxd vid, a scene of c!Ranboo with tnt around him then maybe it really did happen after the prison arc) but regardless of if Lazar and Viks suffering happened after c!Dream escaped prison or not. He still did experiment with the revive book prior to c!Tommy being trapped with him,it was henry he used it on. Unless I'm just mis-remembering. As for the other thing, I think there are many interpretations to why c!Dream needed c!Tommy for his goals and what he needed him for.

remembering c!Dreams apparent goal is to fix the server, make it simple again by breaking people, killing them and reviving them. Kinda like cleansing the server? Whilst he remains in control. Keep in mind that its been said by Dream that c!Dream did find hurting c!Tommy fun, but he did say it wasn't c!Dreams only goal or for 'no reason'

Some I've considered: (these are not nesscarally separate)

c!dream runs on emotions and is conflicted (can apply to anything below)

He sees c!Tommy as weak and just wanted to get revenge on him cuz c!Tommy was one of the only few to defy him so he wanted to break that. There is less amusement, only craving of revenge. Things like him wanting to teach revival book to c!Tommy was specifically to make c!Tommy stressed and too scared to battle c!Dream.

He wanted c!Tommy to hate him as a way to get his goal. (I still dont know why one of my irl friends thinks this was the case but alrighty then)

He sees c!Tommy as a huge threat so he wanted to break him down wanting him on his side so he has a clearer way of reaching his goal -yk with c!Tommy out of the way. This is less of revenge or amusement, and just a shove him off to the side when done with him. (which i think is the least likely of all of these interpretations)

He wants to hurt c!Tommy specifically out of fun and amusement. Could explain why despite c!Tommy obeying him in exile, he still was very cruel to him.

He only saw c!Tommy as strong physically not socially and wanted to reign that side of c!Tommy in or vise versa.

He saw c!Tommy as strong overally/and or saw his potential for this, wanting to use his spark and anger from c!Tommy to help his goals. Since someone that is that chaotic can be useful, as if c!Dre was unleashing a personification of a canon or fire ball onto his enemies. In exile, he does prefer when c!Tommy is quiet at times but he still doesn't mind c!Tommy talking energetically and being chaotic WHEN its being aligned with c!Dream. Another point to add to this is that in the pet war, c!primeboys destroyed a building together. These moments of him siding with c!tommy during c!tommys chaos allow a better bond, but it also causes others to turn against c!tommy which again is something c!dream wanted- cuz it causes c!tommy to depend on him.

I think its closest to the last point, theres just so many examples of c!Dream not giving a shit and even encouraging c!Tommys chaotic nature. As long as said chaotic nature is not against him. c!Dream enjoys c!Tommys spark and fire and finds it fun that it never burns out, but he absolutely hates it when he loses his own control (his already lost his stability of his server at this point). Its kinda like c!Tommy fuels his adrenaline and love of challenges and he chases this and goes all delulu, obsessed with control over the one guy that seems impossible to reign in. I'd add in that point, that other thing about c!Dream being irrational, and emotional and not having his actual plan figured out even though he thinks he does. and ofc add in the wanting revenge ig. He chooses c!Tommy for those reasons. And c!Tommy he has seen as loyal, selfless, confident, fierce and brash. c!Dream had he gotten his way would of broken down that to an extent, gotten him fully dependent on him, and then rebuilt c!Tommy up to be loyal to cdre, confident ect but this time on c!Dreams side, against c!Dreams enemies. Socially powerful, Physically powerful, entertaining, satisfcation for his revenge, easily can be broken and rebuilt over and over, and gives c!dream a feeling of consistent control. c!Dream loves it.

so what about cdre saying "why do you have to ruin things all the time." It doesn't contradict the last point. I believe he was talking about the early days when c!Dre actually did seem annoyed with c!Tommys antics. (it wasnt about stuff like c!prime destroying shit) also cdre naturally has irrational opinions about c!tommy based on his own trauma. That line was also c!dream deflecting from the sht he did, and blaming c!tommy. my irl pointed out that it could be him talking about himself yet all blame in cdre eyes must go on someone else.

[fifteenth-entity]

hi person I definitely do not know, choose the number 22 now let's see what you got

*cracks knuckles and neck*

everyone, meet my arch fucking nemesis.

one day, while we were in a literature workshop i think, we promised each other we'd write a character analysis of each other. we're both too scared to do it, but i will make a stand and this will be like... a hint of that. a teaser of what could be. an idea.

I don't exactly know where to start so I'll just pick a random point: I said previously that I visit Rei's house the most. That's because I practically live at Dee's house. It became so bad we eventually started going to uni together. It became a meme. and for good reason.

Dee is the most terrifying person you will ever see, but then you'll talk with them for 15 minutes and if you do end up clicking, you'll discover that there's nothing to be afraid of. They're very sweet, but so extremely introverted. Im an archeologist and they're ancient ruins which I KNOW exist and i WILL be digging them up.

but this person. this specimen. this creature. this eldritch entity. honestly man, i dunno what to say, other than this guy (gnc) is one of my best fucking friends and i am so happy about that. this BRAIN. they are genuinely the most fun to discuss shit about. like theyre one of the few people where i will rave about my special interests and they will rave about theirs and we will be having Fun.

speaking of raving about special interests, theyre one of the few neurotypical people with whom i genuinely feel heard and properly taken care of with. like so many of my acquiantances will just not understand the mental illness cocktail inside my brain, and dee doesn't either because they just don't experience it, but theyre one of the few people who will make accomodations for me without me even having asked and that is so noble of them.

also sorry for constantly talking about how hArD my life is. except when i say im dying or wanna kill myself. then im not sorry. i am a dramatic son of a bitch and you befriended me on PURPOSE.

also the ones that get it, get it, but creating an au with you has been one of the most fun experiences ever in my life. not only was it such a fun writing exercise (WRITERS CLUB WHO?) but i loved thinking with you and it was an excuse to spend time with you and no joke i would do it all over again and i WILL do it all over again you are extremely unsafe. and while our love languages clash, once we synced up and did parallel play perfectly, it was such... a safe environment. talking and planning an theorizing with them is fun as fuck. but chilling on their couch (aka my bed) while they play some strategy war game and i play breath of the wild and i listen to them rage at egyptians, mongolians, british, scottish, or whoever attacks their faction and theyre panicking about not having enough resources while i rapidly back away from an approaching lynel is so comforting.

drawing in the same room as them and explaining fashion trends while they explained the latest criminal minds episode to me was so fun. it was so safe. i will genuinely cherish every moment with them, and i massively appreciate them. I wont get into what the situation was, but i once had to run to their house at 12.30 am while carrying groceries in my pajamas, and i wouldd do that again, for any reason.

but also they BULLY me and i am being ABUSED. >:(

no bullying from me in this post tho, i already do a lot of that irl and i will not be stopping.

also i know you will never make your own post like this about me, dee, unless you're not a coward :)

[horrorsequel]

being autistic is so crazy cos im fucking 27 and every day i learn that some sort of social thing that i thought was one way always is completely the opposite sometimes and that i have not been equipped with the tools to tell thme apart

like sometimes people confide in you because they love and trust you can sometimes people confide in you because they dont care about you. they confide in you all these horrible things because they want to be unburdened and dont care that theyre burdening you ?

and sort of with that in mind i just think like. was he ever my friend? i thought we were best friends because we had good times together and i always helped him when he had a problem but he never helped me when i had a problem. he actively avoided me when i had a problem and then got mad at me for brining up that he had hurt me. and then he dropped me like i was nothing and no goodbye and then out of the blue replies to me like everything is normal and then is gone again. and i cant get up the fucking courage to ask what went wrong because i dont think hed answer anyway and i dont want to seem crazy and desperate.

and its just like... if i cant figure out what ended a ten year friendship, if i have no idea what went wrong or if it was always wrong or not... then how am i ever supposed to make friends again? like I'm so fucking pathetic i really truly do not know how to make friends irl and im scared to try. and no one wants to try and make friends with ME because my life is depressing cos I'm disabled. like fuck if I'm funny or nice or loyal or anything fuck if we would get along. im fat and disabled and i live at home and thats the fucking I Want Nothing To Do With You trifect before they even find out im queer. god i want to beat my head against a wall till its all blood and pulp but i wont i wont do anything bad and stupid. i will just melt into the wallpaper like always.

[roseriot2191]

Entry 1/Introductions

hey!

so i really havent used tumblr before really so im not sure if this is the best place for what im doing but regardless im posting it here

~welcome to my blog~

the purpose is to document my life as a whole but its also my senior year so even more reason to record it!

this blog will be my safe space to spill anything, the good and the bad, of my upcoming life. in all honesty im not sure how well ill keep up with posts or how much effort ill end up putting into them but i will try to update at least once a week for sure.

ok so now onto me :)

hello again! im rose, i use he/they pronouns and i am 17. for anyone wonder, which i dont know why but i guess i can just state it to get it out of the way, im a cis queer guy. i use queer as my label because i very much dislike labels for myself lmao. im attracted to men way more often than not but if the right person for me isnt a guy the im not going to let gender/sex get in the way of love and im not sure pansexual really fits the way i feel. queerness ill say is a part of me but not something i identify with as much as i did in middle school. ill make a separate post about this perhaps. (ill mention that my name isnt actually rose irl and its just my pen name for the blog. i have no reason to be secretive really besides to hide my identity from friends, family and people who think they might know me, especially with the topics i might write about, but also i didnt put too much effort into disconnection rose and myself so if youre one of my irl friends, hi :p ) i am a high school student, but i am mostly taking college classes at a community college. im a photo major! photography is a recent thing that i started basically the same time i started college. i sorta took a leap into photo classes and decided that i might as well major in it since ive always been a creative person and since my high school was paying for my tuition. honestly college has been really fun but its school and sometimes i get burnt out really easily which sucks. ill probably talk about this more some other time. i havent really decided on a style of photography that i prefer yet but this fall ill start a portraiture lighting class as well as a color theory class, both im really excited for.

recently ive found myself changing or perhaps growing into a more typical "teenager" recently. this growth is a drastic change from who i was as a kid and that sort of scares me but i think i like the idea of who i can become. i started taking an interest in cars which sort of came out of know where. it might be because i got my license last december and have been driving a lot more but its also rooted in my ex too. (at the begging of this summer i got into a relationship with this guy who was my first everything, and we also ended it in july which hurt hella but again this is a topic for another post later) he was a total car guy and it was something we were bonding over. he would teach/talk about cars and i listened and started to take an actual interest. we went to a few car shows and it was honestly a prefect date/hangout for us because he liked cars of course but i also got to bring my camera and take photos. definitely something i miss doing. my first car was a 2004 honda pilot. it was a manual and i tried learning how to drive it and i got the gist but ended up selling it and getting an automatic 2006 honda pilot lol. this car ive had since february and its lowkey dying now which pisses me. my grandpa was the one who ended up buying it for me which i appreciate very much dont get me wrong but he bought it off these sketchy guys and didnt get it checked out right away for any problems and now im paying extra money in repairs. currently im trying to save for something more "extra" like a mustang or a bmw or honestly an older honda like a prelude or accord, though on my salary as a host in a small restaurant i have barely $4.5k saved and i started work about the same time i got the 06 pilot. i know these cars are a bit on the pricey side but im giving myself till new years to save for something and if i dont find anything by then, ill keep my money in savings for college after i graduate. (that is with the hopes my 06 pilot lasts me through that long :,) )

so yeah. i work as a host at a restaurant. its my first job and i honestly really like it. i get paid $16.50 an hour and i get tipped out by the waitresses on top of that. on average i make about $500 in a pay period which is two weeks. i wish i had more hours but also i dont. i usually use work as an excuse to procrastinate or completely ignore school work which is really self destructive because i convince myself that im productive but in reality i need to be more focused on school. my work ethic is pretty good though i think. i always say yes if someone needs a cover or if i need to come in ealry/on a day off. after the break up i took a bunch of extra shifts and started taking caterings for longer hours and to keep me busy. in the past 2 pay periods i clocked about 50 hours each and made $850 each. this has again been really nice for savings but not for my summer classes. this pay period i had a double catering and i should clock in about 40 ish hours. ill have one more pay period after this one before i will talk to my manager about scheduling me only friday-sunday and see about scheduling me caterings more rather than hosting since i make more that way. theyre pretty good about accommodating hours/days which is really cool but my manager always complains. i feel bad but also i really shouldnt because i need to do better in school first and i already do so much more than what i get paid for honestly so she really doesnt have any reason to say anything. (especially since we just hired 3 new girls after the summer hires left) all my coworkers love me but also everyone shit talks eachother behind their backs so i always wonder if they say anything about me lol. if they are then they should put that energy somewhere else because how are you guys gonna shit talk a 17 year old when you all are 25+???

my music taste is the opposite in regards to changing drastically. i find myself returning to the music i grew up with and even expanding with similar artists. for a quick family overview my step dad who raised me since i was three was/is a tattoo artist and very much in the punk scene. my mom was in the artistic performance and alternative scene. both these adults raised a very punk baby with all the classics and now like i said, after not really interested or listening to music often for awhile, im back to my roots. this is very comforting however when me and my ex were dating he was a big influence in the reintroduction. so do i corrilate some music to him? yes. does it hurt? im not sure. its very confusing but i listen to it on blast regardless and will most likely have hearing problems by the time im 30 T~T a lot of what ive been listening to on repeat is radiohead which was "our band" and i still think it is. im a very sentimental person and cant/wont diconnect these feelings probably ever. i do this a lot. this time though i havent had the urge to stop listening which is a reliefe because i enjoy the music but also because i think itd hurt me if i found hate or sadness in the music rather than the love and bond we once shared through these songs. something ive been considering is posting a song with every post or at the very least at the end of the week. maybe even a playlist at the end of the month? not sure yet. i think music tatse is something that changes with me all the time so its something worth recording here. oh also i def will post cd hauls here too! i have a small collection started but definetely wanna get more.

lets see i dont read often but my favorite books are alice in wonderland, the warden's daughter, they both die at the end, coraline and currently i am reading solitaire by alice oseman. ive read her heartstopper series and have taken a serious interest in tori's story. for my favorite shows i binge watch shows so often and then forget about them just as fast as i watch them lol. i really like soul eater, downtown, daria, the midnight gospel, the walking dead, initial d, madoka magica, and some others i cant think of right now.

hmm~ i cant really think about anything else to write at the moment, plus ive been typing for awhile and should get to bed, so i think ill end it here.

i dont really expect anyone to read this blog in all honesty but its something i wanna do for myself and if a few people take interest or relate to anything i talk about i think thats enough :)

[lovedistrict]

hey there, im in a BIG dilemma.

im in a relationship with a girl i met online, a really sweet one. i love her and i dont know if i could live without her.

but a month ago or so ive gotten a REALLY big crush on one of my irl friends in highschool (we've met around the same time as my gf and she has even told me she USED to have a crush on me.) and i dont know what to do.

part of me wants to risk it and have a "real" relationship but im so scared.

the fact that my gf and i are slowly losing touch is not helping.

HELP????

Hello!

I think it’s way better to risk your virtual relationship in order to have a real relationship with this other girl than not doing anything about it. Especially because there’s no way of getting to really knowing someone online. You probably like more the idea you’ve created of her then really her because you don’t really know her. So, if there’s no chance in turning your virtual relationship into a “real” one, then I’d risk it. worst thing that could happen is you being single again and having a hard time in the beginning. If so, write me again if you need help.

Face your fears. You’ll never know what could have happened if you don’t do it.

[arsen1cs4ng0]

serious post, please read

i think im comfortable enough to talk about my experiences with the chip fandom from march 2022 until february 2023, and how much it really affected me.

i never really wanted to publicly open up about this shit due to past experience and what i had to witness with many of my friends, but im kinda sick of pretending everything is fine and great on here!!

some of the shit i'll be saying under the keep reading cut may be really upsetting, please keep that in mind before proceeding (tws for suicide and harassment) doubt anyone will read this seeing as im such a small account, but hey fucking ho lol

ughhh where the fuck do i begin i created the starlandspoons account in the hopes of trying to warm up to the chip fandom again after enduring so much on the twitter side of it (hoping the tumblr side would be a little better) but... even with me trying to create good memories like i was able to in early 2022.... the pain i felt never subsided.

this is the part where val moans about their chip trauma!! the main shit (im not calling this """drama""". this shit is serious) started in late february of 2022. a controversial figure in the chip fandom, gremlin, came out with an ""apology"" for her actions (i go in detail about her actions here), blaming her actions in 2020/21 on shit like "i was doing it to piss people off" and much more that i dont really want to think about. admittedly, i initially fell for this, being too naive to understand exactly how bad she was (i knew she was bad, but didnt realise how bad)

now heres where the shit really started. back in march of 2022, i witnessed one of my friends on twitter (not naming who, i dont want them to get harassed again) get bombarded with hate + get vagueposted for not forgiving her. people started block-evading them, one person started being enbyphobic towards said person... you can get the idea here. the first time, it did a bit of damage on the way i viewed chip. i lost my taste in it temporarily. that was, until a few days later, where i had a new hyperfixation related to chip (lil guy), which kept my love for it going for a little longer!! that hyperfixation was so strong (stronger than any of my other ones had been) it was able to keep me mostly distracted from the bad shit. mostly.

everything was cool. great. as far as i remember... until late may/early june 2022. back in may of 2022, i became friends with someone called yuzu. they ran an account on twitter where they posted chip songs, tts songs, a/e songs, you get the picture... i became really good friends with them for a while, they were always there to listen to me, we'd talk a lot, yknow. what stood out was that nobody else i knew was that understanding. i was bullied a lot irl, and it was comforting to have that person there for you. i felt.... great!!!

the night of june 9th came, where they got blocked by my friends for "recommending a song from a bad person". they let me know about this, i checked what happened, and... it was a song from gremlin. this didnt bother me too much until i tried to explain to them that they were both problematic... they didn't listen. i dont remember the exact details now as my brain blocked out most of it, but i remember this almost made me spiral into a meltdown, and i suddenly couldnt stand them. i blocked them because i was too uncomfortable and i was on a brink of a meltdown.

june 10th, they made a whole vent about me. guess who had a meltdown!! multiple meltdowns in the span of 2 weeks!! how did i know?? twitter bugged out on me. the vent completely broke me. i was reminded of my ex and how they talked to me. i started getting scared of myself. i felt like a monster. i seriously wanted to kill myself. at that point, i was waiting for my chip friends to block me because i started all of the shit this time!! shit people wanted to move on from!! my brain was convincing me that my chip friends hated me!! (and to this day i still feel like that sometimes)

i had so many more meltdowns from that time. late june, i had to defend another friend (who i'll refer to as bones, for privacy reasons) from being manipulated by them. i was so angry one of my friends went to calm me down through dms. i was so stressed out of my mind that i even went non-verbal one time, which rarely happens!! this continued on and on and on, spending my time and energy defending my friends. i found out so much more about gremlin, even more gross shit, seeing she was friends with someone who is very openly radf*m/a t*rf (+ blamed bones for their own personal family problems), someone who was openly proshit (+ was one of the people who harassed one of my friends)... you get the picture.

this ate away at my mental health more, to the point where i started contemplating suicide. shit i dealt with irl really didnt help either.

the worst part was in january of this year where i had a really bad panic attack because i was scared bones was going to kill themself and there was nothing i could do about it. after that i gave up with the fandom because i finally accepted no matter what i did, nobody would listen. to bones, the friend im talking about, i hope you're okay and i'm sorry i chickened out. im sorry i failed you.

i attempted to try to step my toe into the chip fandom a few months later again by creating the starlandspoons account as my vosim hyperfix was still there and i really missed the good times, but... i still felt unhappy. i have nightmares about the chip fandom sometimes. i am constantly reliving the shit i had to witness in my head. im still feeling the anger i felt those months ago. im still getting angry at myself for not doing more to defend my friends. im still feeling suicidal (not just from the chip fandom, but its contributing to it). it all hurts so much, to this day.

im still going to post on the starlandspoons account for as long as my vosim hyperfix continues. yall are not taking that from me.

sorry for such a heavy vent post, but ive just been needing to let this out for such a long time. it's 4am, i desparately need to sleep. i will say this a thousand times more: thank you to the chip friends who have stayed by my side despite all the shit i endured. thank you so much, you guys really mean to me. seriously, you guys do. i dont know what i'd do without you guys. and to 3 certain people from the chip fandom (you 3 know who you are), thank you especially.

for those who read all of this, thank you for listening to silly little val. i'll be okay, i think. i hope you guys have a good day/night/whatever time it is for you. ;___;

[mental-health-advice]

i'm a teenager, and i have no actual irl friends. sure, i hang out with some people at my school, but i never feel like i fit in, be it bc im queer or bc they just seem to not care about me. i'm also like, not exactly the weird kid, but to give you an idea i stumble over my words a lot and am very Very socially awkward. i have 2 very good online friends and i love them a lot, but they just don't help with how lonely i feel all the time (and theres also two other people from my school that i'd love to befriend but they both have their own best friends and dont really interact with me). only feeling comfortable around my homophobic mom feels humiliating–i cant be myself or feel safe around my classmates, because im worried they'll somehow think i'm annoying. this shit was like, the root of a major depressive episode i had last year, and even though ive completely recovered now, im still scared i'll end up knee deep in shit again. girl help

Hey there,

It can be really difficult when we want to be friends with another but then for one reason or another it just doesn’t work out or we feel we are on the outside of the relationship with them due to them having other good friends. Have you mentioned that you wanted to be friends with them though even if it’s more someone to hang out with. Even though one person may have a best friend/s, it doesn’t mean they can’t have other friends too.

You mentioned that you don’t really feel safe with your classmates as you fear they will view you as being annoying or something like that. Whilst this is a completely valid concern to have, if you don’t try to interact with others then you will never know how it may go, you may even make a friend or two out of it! Start slow though, get to know them, likes/ dislikes, if you have anything in common. If you have to do a project with other class mates then try to take an interest in what they say, try to start a conversation with them – it can be a lot easier to focus on becoming friends with just one person as opposed to a handful of people all at once!

I know it can be so hard when you feel like you are socially awkward, and you stumbling over your own words wouldn’t help your self-esteem either, but it doesn’t mean that these things cannot be helped over time and worked through. For example, have you ever thought about looking at yourself through a mirror and practice having conversations and focusing on your words and speech in general. Sometimes when we stumble over words (I use to be the same and especially when I was feeling incredibly anxious) it can be due to anxiety like I just mentioned and a good way to work on that is to try to slow your talking down and especially if you are a fast talker. So when in a conversation don’t forget to breathe and focus on where full stops or commas should be put in just like as if you were writing something down on paper.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren