#i love the characters I am just shocked that the direction its going in isnt getting my interest

[soukeyed]

01 matel gear 02 otasune strangeboss and/or whoever u want 03 Talk about my bff Strangelove please. and/or whoever

METAL GEAR WOOO WOOOOO

Favorite character: STRANGELOVE !! OR THE BOSS. OR OTACON . OR SNAKE. or emma or meryl or eva um theres a few

Least Favorite character: ummm ummmmm ummmmmmmmm. huey obviously lol. also mgs4 naomi specifically mgs4 ... sorry girl im so sorry. also senator armstrong/sundowner/monsoon/whoever tf else is part of the rising guys im just sick of seeing their ugly faces

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): STRANGEBOSS NUMBER ONE FOREVER YEAAH. otasune number 2 obviously :) umm fortune and olga is pretty cute ... bosseva as well .. i cant fucking think of a 5th help. meiryl? also i like bosselot but specifically for how stupid fucked up they are

Character I find most attractive: the boss strangelove eva (specifically big mama) or mgs4 meryl :P

Character I would marry: MERYL !1 GIRLFRIEND FOR ME NOW itd be the boss or strangelove but i would never break them up like that.

Character I would be best friends with: STRANGELOVE !! together we will kill huey mwah. or para medic even if she is insane we will watch movies together. slay

a random thought: i think about that post about otacon being the one to carry out the boss' will without even knowing every single day. Oh my god. wauh. ok hang on one second i found it. AUHHH

An unpopular opinion: rising mid as fuck and the fans make me hate it. also i um. dont really care a lot for bb and the bb focused games sorry. like i get the point and mgsv's visuals+gameplay do slay but bb as a character i didnt really find myself invested in a lot and the weird hero worship some of the fandom has for him does NOT help LOL. like the people around him (ocelot eva miller eli etc) were way more interesting . also EVEN MORE unpopular opinion as a result of this ... mgs3 isnt really all that for me and even though its objectively pretty shit mgs4 is one of my favourites (behind mgs1 and ghost babel)

My Canon OTP: STRANGEBOSS !!!!!!! THANKS FOR THE LESBIANS KOJIMA!!!!

My Non-canon OTP: calling otasune noncanon feels so sickening but i need to face reality. so otasune

Most Badass Character: Hrmm. hrmmmmm. ok its a bit out there but otacon. after the shitty childhood that he came out of pretty um.. (gestures at the whole making a nuclear weapon thing) convinced he/his family was cursed etc etc. forming philanthropy, adopting sunny, basically ending the cycle that his grandfather and father started+perpetuated and fulfilling the boss' will :) just makes me happy. hes great. also he got to marry solid snake at the end of it all so like slay? like hes not badass in the usual sense of the word but his character development and evolution is incredibly badass to me. next step: therapy

Most Epic Villain: i dont think you can call a lot of them epic on account of every mgs villain being goofy as fuck. BUT. liquid ocelot as a villain in what was (supposed to be) the conclusion of the entire series was pretty fucking awesome though

Pairing I am not a fan of: pbbb. umm. i dont really care for snake/fox im way more emotionally invested in fox/gustava personally (still upset she didnt get mentioned in mgs!!!!!!!!! RAHH.) also johnny/meryl was so out of nowhere i still do not understand it like its funny as fuck but JOHNNY??? IT SHOULD BE ME WITH MERYL!!1 ME !!!!!!!

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): arhg. raiden. i mean gestures at rising. this could also count as unpopular opinion but i preferred him as inexperienced and a little stupid i mean even then the direction they were going in in mgs4 was pretty good with him being jaded and feeling alone. and then rising was just. huah ?!?! what ?!?!?!? also. um. ok naomi. mgs1 naomi was so so fucking good ok her speech at the end slays i loved everything about her can you imagine my shock and dismay at her doing all THAT in mgs4 ?!?!? like i could write a 50 page essay on how it fucks up her (and otacons LOL) entire character development ALSO WHY WAS FOX LIKE NEVER MENTIONED DESPITE THEM LITERALLY GOING BACK TO THE PLACE WHERE HE DIED BTW I THOUGHT SHED HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT. but honestly just the thing i hate about it all most is at the end of it all shes framed as like.. the hero. using emma+sunnys code to save da world or whatever and i guess maybe that speech was supposed to reflect her mgs1 speech but it just doesnt work when mgs4 didnt give her half of that nuance. her morals are still so ??? to me, her and vamp was such a WEIRD choice, her and otacon was um. ok look i know the writers 100% didnt mean to portray otacons csa as that at all but like it is ... anyway having a csa victim be once again manipulated via sex and not really talk about it was just ?!??!! guys ?!?!? anyway AGAIN if all of that was portrayed as nuanced as it should have been. like naomi doing what she had to to save the world and struggling w her own morals. which it IS but we learn this only in that fuckign speech for like 1 line. like its jut bad. ok to end this half the women in mgs were done horrifically but we all know that. sorry for the wall of text i love you

Favourite Friendship: SNAKE AND MERYL funny as fuck whenever she insults him in mgs4 like deserve. sorry snake. ok no WOAH though i just loved mgs4 meryl entirely even though she definitely couldve been written a bit better, like her talking about how she used to admire snake so much and now hes just BITTER and OLD like ohhh its so slay. like i dont know if you could even call it a friendship but the way they clash entirely and debatably the only place where they can agree on things and work together is in the context of the battlefield ITS SO GOOD

Character I most identify with: otacon D:

Character I wish I could be: similar to utena NONE i would not put myself through that.

AGAIN REST UNDER THE READMORE GO!

otasune time

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them: again i was aware of them before the games because (points at dmitri) so i guess like always

My thoughts: GRAHH. the way theyre like all but canon like kojima just say the word. that cigarette lighting scene in mgs4 WHEW. like the way they invented love its just crazy to me like really. theyre everything to me.

What makes me happy about them: everything :) the way theyve both grown as people over the years... i already talked about otacons character development but SNAKE TOO!! him finally letting people in .. finding a place for himself OUTSIDE of the battlefield .... its all so WAUGHH. like they just work off of eachother so well. love wins. gay marriage. slay. bursts into tears

What makes me sad about them: mgs4 that is all. they had so little time together. i spend half the time watching the game yelling ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS NOT FAIR

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: umm i dont read a lot of fic to be honest so i guess standard fanfic complaints. also more of you should write about mgs4 there is so much untapped potential.

Things I look for in fanfic: again. WRITE ABOUT MGS4.

My wishlist: MGS4 OTASUNE !!!!!!!!!!!! BECOMES A WEREWOFL.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: sorry they are simply endgame to me.. i cant think of anyone LOL

My happily ever after for them: snake gets cured post-mgs4! how i dont care he just is. gay marriage becomes real. together they raise sunny and grow old together and everything is peace and love on planet earth :) god bless

STRANGEBOSS TIME!

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them: ok not until i actually got around to pw! dmitri you mentioned a few times but i didnt realise until then to be honest

My thoughts: AGAHRHGHGHGHGHGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. GOD. GOD. lesbianism. women. they are genuinely just everything to me. how can a relationship be so fucking powerful and tragic when you only ever hear about it from one side. Oh my god. AUH.

What makes me happy about them: canon lesbians in my metal gear games in the fuckass 2010s :) ok no but the way strangelove talks about the boss with such open earnest love. like i just. wauh. listening to her tapes is just. WAUH.

What makes me sad about them: i mean everything. as strangelove said they were just ships passing in the night :( THEY SHOULDVE HAD MORE TIME !!!!!!!!!!!

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: again dont read fanfic a lot but ive checked and theres not a whole lot for them at all anyway LOL

Things I look for in fanfic: any strangeboss fic to begin with would be nice. if you have recs give them to me. i'll cry

My wishlist: umm.. again more content of them in general. konami youre shit the least you could do is make a strangeboss spinoff.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: umm idk considering they both die LOL. bosseva is a fun ship but honestly i dont think strangelove ever really got over it so i cant see her with anyone else in a serious relationship

My happily ever after for them: isnt it crazy how they both managed to fake their deaths and now live happily in some random country away from the horrors of war? like woah!

STRANGELOVE TIME!

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character: man what dont i feel about her. shes amazing. shes bitter shes heartbroken shes dramatic as fuck and shes a badass. like its tragic but tell me creating a whole ass ai based off your dead girlfriend in the fucking 70s isnt slay as fuck? women in stem strong!

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: THE BOSSSSS. as i said b4 i dont really see her with anyone else tbh

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: ok yeah there .. isnt a lot. i wish her terrible and awkward relationship with bb had been explored more though like the way she just HATES him at the start is amazing.

My unpopular opinion about this character: uhh.. yeah idk shes not really talked about enough for me to know if any of my opinions ARE unpopular lol. a shocking amount of people see strangeboss as unrequited so i guess my unpopular opinion is that they were definitely both in love LOL

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: just give her more relationships tbh... i already talked about bb but like do you think she knew ocelot was the boss' son ... what did she think of him shed probably dislike him for doing the complete opposite of the boss' will (though in the end he does help take down the patriots so liiike?) ... i would pay millions of dollars for them to interact it would be atrocious. in general i wish shed been given just a little more depth outside of the boss (like give me more about how she grew up!!! what kind of mother was she to otacon!!! and ps i wish hed spoken about her even though ik she wasnt even a thing before the solid snake era wrapped up) though ig that was the point considering she was so consumed with grief... but yk. shrugs.

Favorite friendship for this character: again idk. GIVE HER MORE FRIENDS.

My crossover ship: again i dont do crossovers. SHRUGS!!

[stonathanshipping]

//ST ramblings - this is just a personal post to get my feelings out on the show

This blog has not been super active as of late but since it exists, and since I’ve been thinking about Stranger Things lately, AND since the new trailer dropped today I’m gonna ramble about watching the show because I want to.

ANYWay the S4 trailer just dropped and it’s so weird, after S2 I am simultaneously excited and not excited about new seasons.  I lovedddd S1, so I was excited for S2.  I liked S2 a lot but now I see a new trailer and I’m like “looks cool, idk if I’ll be watching anytime soon”

It’s so wild because the new trailer looks great!  I love when stories get bigger and deeper and more dangerous.  Things are really getting darker and more serious and more messed up; I adore that in other media so idk why with Stranger Things specifically I partially like it partially don’t.

I loved S1.  It felt small in scale.  There weren’t too many main characters.  The way they portrayed and showed or didn’t show the monster and upside down was cool.  It had humor but the serious parts were always played as serious and sad or dark.  Character-wise it reminds me of the Goonies, with the kids sticking together (and the teens sticking together).  My theory is I just love the tone of S1 too much that it overrides how I feel about later seasons.  That’s why, when ST is doing all the tropes and tone stuff and whatever that I normally love (with bigger monsters, things getting darker, the problem getting bigger), I think I am not 100% excited for it.  I miss S1 where I didn’t have to keep learning new protagonists and stuff.  With all the new protagonists, I feel like the main S1 cast interacts less.

SO anyway, this is not supposed to be negative at all (well okay adding too many main characters is a genuine criticism of mine that I feel strongly about but that’s my only negative point in this post)!  This is all subjective and just me rambling publicly for fun about why I am so-so about S3, S4, S5.  Maybe other people miss how S1 was with the amount of characters, the characterization, the tone, the size of the world, etc.  Maybe not.  But yeah this was all just me saying I love the show, new season looks great, no negativity towards it, it is just personally and subjectively maybe not my thing anymore?  I can’t put it into words well

[siriusanotherside]

do you have any specific thoughts on rei or tsurugi 👀? theyre my favorites and i ask pretty much everyone this question HAHAHA ignore if you want !!

Hello!

I love both Rei and Tsurugi! That said you know that post that goes in the vibe of “I give shout outs to people who can deeply analyze their favorite characters because when I try to articulate when I feel for them it just descends into a mess of scribes and pointing excitedly and happily at “blorbos!!!””? It is how I feel towards them in the sense that while I love them, my thoughts go “!!!!! Rei!!! Tsurugi!!!! Yes!!”

That said I am gonna just throw thoughts out and see how they stick and if they come out articulated. I am usually better able to form thoughts into words if I am given a specific direction. I may have more specific thoughts but when asked in general I just go “words hard” and it will probably come out in a disorganized way.

Rei section

She!! One of my favorites from Another1!

I really love her character and character development on the game. I like the contrast of “Teacher” ultimate talent (which gives the impression of a guide, mentor sort of personality) VS Rei no-nonsense, rude, strong, loner, confident(at first bordering on arrogant) type personality. And then her development! As she gets shocked out of her bubble in chapter 4 by Satsuki and comes to acknowledge her and believe her, and then does her best to make everyone survive, becoming a leader figure to them, both in keeping everyone together and helping to plan to escape that place.

Then on Another 6.5, we are shown her as still a confident, intelligent, strong person but with a more caring side and who isn’t afraid of bonding with people, and who is able to be a figure of reassurance to the victims in 6.5, and how it showcases that for all that Another ended on a somber note, She, Teruya and Tsurugi did tried and succeeded into making a organization that wanted to protect/save people, and was able to do so in chapter 6.5 with the relatives of the class. I just. Wow it was really touching and a amazing trajectory of character development.

I really loved the way she seemed to be the “Byakuya” of the game (as well as the “Kyoko” in a very minor way), and how her development went in its own unique way.

I really love how smart she was and how much she could resourceful as well she was and how this is shown on the reader in the Kinji incident, her noticing Kinjo strategy, the teddy bear device, and others that don’t come to mind now. And even on how she is the first person who when in the chapters 5 and 6 tries to be as unbiased as possible to arrive at the truth, in chapter 5 she carefully considers and talks about the possibilities of “Yuuki is the murderer” and then “Mikako is the murderer” and, it is only due to Monokuma forcibly ending the trial too soon, that she isnt able to figure out. However even when she arrives on “Mikako is the murderer” she notes there is something very strange there and that Monokuma is acting way off. In chapter 6, she is the one who was the fastest at facing the possibility of something being off about Yuuki.

My heart goes out for all of the hints on how the survivors (She, and Teruya and Tsurugi) made a strong friendship. And then the pain when Another 2 happens. And how it all falls apart when Teruya dies and the grief she passes! the pain! And how she has to keep it all on hold due to if she falls apart, then they might not be able to save Yoruko and Yuki. I do appreciate that it is shown how hard she took Teruya death, especially when you compare chapter 6 to 6.5, and how she loses her cool when it comes to Tsurugi attitude.

Speaking of Another2, I also really love the way that she was still resourceful and doing her very best to save people from the Voids, and was the one person to successfully break into the simulation thrice (prologue + surviving; the photo ; chapter 4). And then her reassurance to Yoruko and Sora, and how she gave them hope of being able to maybe save Sora’s life in the future.

Overall, She is one of my favorites of Another, I especially appreciate how her character development arc goes and she is consistently brilliant and resourceful, and how she, honestly, is really a joy to watch every time she has screentime.

I also really love to ponder how the friendship the survivors developed and how they went on to building their lifes and the Kisaragi foundation. And how they would possibly interact with the chapter 6.5 gang, and Another2 survivors.

Oh! And another factor is that I really love to think on how Rei’s relationship with Satsuki (Especially how different she is from Rei, but how, though chapter 4, Rei came to incredibly admire Satsuki and see her in a new light, and how she moves Rei into coming with her resolve to stop her loner actions and take active steps into trying to get out with everyone. Just! There is so much going on there! Just! And then thinking on an AU where Satsuki and Rei interact post game and how that would be, and the possible friendship or other that could come from there, how they both could come to admire each other traits, and how maybe even if Rei got annoyed at Satsuki sometimes, she would sometimes also have some fun with her. Just! Chapter 4 had given shook me with just! So much things to think about them!! The !!! differences !! the way!! The!! Dynamic!!! The development!!! The admire!! The possible friendship!!)

Another relationship I always think about with Rei, is hers with Akane. They are neither each other first, second or third priority, but the way their perception of each other changes through the series, the different roles they assume to and against each other. The change from rude/idiot to respect/begrudging respect to friend/ally to complicated emotions but enemy/complicated emotions but enemy to….. I don’t want you to die, you are/were my classmate and friend/shock and wishing for some sort of closure. Just the development between them, even when they have other things going on, is so interesting!!

It stays on my head as well especially on how it seems that Rei is….shocked over Akane protecting her (which comes suddenly for Rei, who doesn’t know what to think of Akane due to her just going “I am a mastermind and/or/working for the mastermind”) and then how she always has this… complex situation / hesitance around Sora. It always read to me as Rei wishing for some sort of….. I don’t know how to express but a final conversation with Akane to get closure on what the hell had happened there, and the confusion over Akane caring enough to stand aginst Utsuro to save her life and yet having had threated her life in the past.

I don’t know how to express, but yes. Much thoughts about Rei and Akane.

Also!! I like to think of Rei interacting and forming relationships, idk in what form if distant or close, just loose contact, actainquence, or actually friendship, with the survivors, mostly Yuki, Yoruko and Sora, of Another2, as I feel she would be the one to be able to step up to help them settle in the aftermatch, and how, I think, each of them would have a complex/different type of relationship with her as well as baggage in terms of both of theirs perspective to each other.

Tsurugi Section

About Tsurugi himself, I probably have more thoughts on him sprinkled in other asks. I remember writing at least one ask about Tsurugi that was pretty long and talked about him.

That said,

I also really like Tsurugi! Also one of my favs from Another1, although he comes probably a bit lower than Rei. That said Tsurugi is a really unique take on a possible character of DanganRonpa.

Tsurugi is also a central part of the Another 1 story, in that he represents and introduces the second primary conflict of the story(the first being the killing game itself), that is the faction division and the black/white perspective that unsettles half of the cast.

Tsurugi character arc is also a rather heartbreaking one, in that while his unhealthy black/white mentality is challenged, due to the situation he is, it makes him absolutely lose the one stability he had in the killing game and lead to while acknowledging it was wrong, giving up right after.

Overall, I really admire the writing build up of the deconstruction of Tsurugi mentality.

Chapter 1 Introduces Tsurugi black white view that a culprit is always guilty and should die, and a victim is always innocent. Notably it is introduced on the most black/white trial of, I think, nearly all DR where Mich, previously established as an ass, murders an innocent Kiyoka, to escape and go back to being a soccer player, who was just a kind and friendly person with no ulterior motive.

Chapter 2 challenges that perspective with: a victim that conspired to kill a person, and then tried to kill another ; a witness who almost got killed but in self defense grievously injured the victim ; a culprit to killed to simultaneously protect the witness and to escape. Tsurugi reaction is one that shows that his mentality doesn’t allow any situation nuance.

Chapter 3 challenges it again with: a culprit who turns to Tsurugi and uses the excuse he used to make his point and show the flaws of Tsurugi view. Tsurugi also starts to show in this chapter doubt regarding if what he was doing was right, to Yuuki.

Chapter 4 then shows the ultimate challenge: victim that conned the culprit into killing them to save the culprit and his friends lives, while the culprit confesses from the first moment because she wants to save their friends live and take the punishment for the killing.

Overall, I think the writing escalation into picking apart Tsurugi’s mentality was really well done. Which culminates into him concluding into Chapter 5 that he was wrong and admitting the nuances of the situations, while falling apart because he had clinged so hard to it as the one stability he had there..

Tsurugi is a pretty heartbreaking character in that he /does/ wants to save near strangers, while taking actions that harm them and is hit pretty hard every time he isnt able to save them.

Another heartbreaking thing about Tsurugi is his friendship with Yuuki. He comes to care for and confide in Yuuki over the course of Another, only to get slapped in the face that the one person he had come to trust in was the mastermind of this entire hell posing as someone else. (I probably talked about this in the other ask)

Chapter 0 points out that if Tsurugi had had more time he would have had positive development and would be able to form friendships as well as grow as person, especially when he himself points out to Utsuro that he used to be a loner and avoiding building relationships as Utsuro but the class had helped him, and he does tries to reach out for Utsuro and tell him that behavior would ultimately harm him. Which. Damn looking on how Yuuki and Tsurugi befriended each other. Damn. The reversal of Yuuki being the one to reach out for Tsurugi. Much to think. and I am crying.

Then Chapter 5/6 comes and he remembers his happy times with the class. Except. The class is, now, near all dead and they killed each other, with him being hostile to certain of them. I usually see Chapter 6 Tsurugi as being able to be relaxed around the class because he now both is/remembers being friends with them, and now has a clear culprit of the entire situation (Akane), so feels safe into trusting them, and is focusing on this and making up for the missed time and saving them over “NEAR ALL MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD”. Which also probably helps him to brush off the inconsistencies between Yuuki personality as a “uhhh probably head trauma from Akane’s attack” because I feel like his subconscious knows if he faced on more betrayal he would probably lose it.

I feel too that the Utsuro reveal kind of breaks a part of him, in the sense that when he finally felt safe to trust his friends… “SIKE” says the one person he had come to confide in.

There is also the part of Tsurugi probably being always reminded of Utsuro due to his divine luck having saved Tsurugi life AND now is currently decaying/reversing, and thus his body is affected in a linear sort of fashion and thus always remind him of Utsuro. Which. I imagine is hell on his mentality.

I think a lot about Tsurugi’s view on Yuki due to it having a lot of layers. First he desperately wants to save an innocent, that in a way, also got his life ruined to Utsuro. Second, I wonder if it pains Tsurugi when looking at Yuki is due to his memories with Yuuki, and the niggling thing on his mind of whether his bond with Yuuki had been false, had been a true bond with a amnesia!Utsuro or a true bond with a version of Yuki, all of which would carry very different complex and painful feelings.

In another2, it strikes me as Tsurugi hyper focusing on saving Yuki due to a sort of………I don’t know how to articulate so I may be doing wrong but…..closure over being able to save someone from Utsuro (or at least people tied to him, with Mikado being The Worst Person Enemy) and stopping him when he was unable to do so with his classmates and failed to stop Utsuro (seeing AI Yamato as the one who saved them…..and then proceeded to see Yamato immediately die after so….), and thus repressing/not acknowledging the shit out of everything else happening (Teruya death) for the sake of so.

I imagine once the dust settles, it would be then that Tsurugi would… have had to process the fact that Teruya…is…dead… in part because of him. Which Oof. Would lead to either another breakdown or Tsurugi hyper focusing on work or in salvaging the Kisaragi foundation in order to not acknowledge this truth.

The survivor trio breaks my heart a lot, because I do think that they were able to develop a really strong friendship in their time together, in which they all cared for each other, they all represented unique factors in it, but that due to dealing with the Tragedy and the clean up after as well as the kidnapping of Yuki and festering fear of “oh shit someone is planning a new killing game while kidnapping links to my classmates family”, and constant reminder of Utsuro thanks to his body being effected by the Divine Luck, it made Tsurugi be unable to move on (as well as he probably having the most unhealthy mentality beforehand in the killing game and just having a hell of a time in the killing game) and yeah.

Tsurugi in the timeskip wears a hat. I wonder if this is significant in a deep sort of way, like say, -> Tsurugi, by hiding his tiny ahoge, is showing he is not anymore in a central full front story role / Tsurugi using his hat as a sensory thingy, in that when confronted with thinking or distress he hides himself behind the hat (that one sprite).

I do like how Tsurugi has one red eye that is swirly similar to the Void’s eyes, which notably only comes out after chapter 6(epilogue) and in another 2. I usually see it as visual way to point that he now was affected by divine luck/had divine luck/had his life saved by divine luck as the voids. As well as, due to only being one eye, it setting him apart from the Voids who wanted to revive Utsuro while Tsurugi wants him to stay dead.

I also think a lot about Tsurugi relationships with Utsuro (the grief and trauma and doubt and lack of closure and complicated emotions he had with him), Chapter 6.5 gang (the different kinds of interactions he would have with them, both of personalities clashes, ideals, as well as the last pieces of the life his friends, admiration, possible friendships), Yamato (given that he seemed to be a figure that had a lot of impact in Tsurugi, and especially on how he saves them and motivates them) and Kinji (I feel like both would vibe with each other due to their calm personalities, not really knowing how to bond with classmates, the way Kinji isnt afraid to question Tsurugi but still stands on his ground) and Yuki (just. The massive. Complex feelings on Tsurugi side)

ALSO GOOD LORD I WILL STOP HERE. THIS IS SO BIG I AM AFRAID TUMBLR WILL CRASH.

Overall I really like Tsurugi.

Thank you for the ask, while I do have more Thoughts^tm, I will stop now because holy fuck this is getting big.  

[hampterguts]

Wait crybaby got everything wrong? It's the only devilman media I've interacted with, and I only watched it bc an animator I like worked on it. And even now I feel like vomiting when I think about it bc it just fucked me up dude. The whole thing felt like the sole purpose was to shock the audience with emotional, psychological, physical, and sexual violence D:

👉👈🥺 what is...the good devilman media?

wwjhd aaaaa oh man im so sorry you had to experience all that!! i know how you feel!! it was so awful and gut wrenching i had to stop watching 😖

im really particular abt what the best version of devilman is, there's quite a lot of iterations out there with varying amounts of gore and genuine awfulness

imo The Best form to consume devilman is the original manga(from the 70s),

im not even completely sure what to say, its basically one of the best horror mangas ive ever read, features two girlbosses, its got a few accidentally really funny scenes, honestly it plays with emotions really well, there are scenes that are intended to shock you but i feel like theyre handled really well as dramatic plot points, like i think reading this was the first time i felt so much connection and dread thru any media that i could feel my entire heart drop in reaction to only a single panel. the gore isn't intensely graphic overall, there are a few scenes I'd consider fairly grotesque, but this is from memory so im not sure how accurate i am abt that..... tw for child death, body horror, im not sure if they did this in crybaby too but there's mild transphobia due to assigning certain genitalia to sexual orientation(tho i recently found out that was go nagai's only choice in order to get past censorship and include a gay character,,, so 🙄 idk. i think he did what he had to and what he had to do wasnt alright), tw for animal death, like brutal depiction of dead animals near the beginning, there's lots of nudity, lots of boobs... sorry its been a while, my tw list probably isnt as precise as I'd like it to be, but from my memory there's no sexual assault whatsoever, barely any direct references to having sex either(unlike crybaby)

and i gotta warn you about a version called "the classic collection" for the manga. its supposed to be 2 large books that feature the compiled full story, but wow i regret having purchased these at all go nagai added some really disgusting things(sexual assault, short comic literally depicting sympathy towards hitler[specifically a guy gets abused by a demon and a woman he loves is killed and the comic does a whole "and that man that u just sympathized with... that was hitler" like.... okay actually i am going to attack go nagai to death] like he did this short series abt real terrible people in history where the "reason" they were so villainous was "actually bc of demons uwu". AWFULLL.) like! be careful not to purchase these and then take too long to read them to get to these weird hyper fucked up additions placed randomly within the books and become unable to return them ;_;

and then there's the 2 ova's from 1987-1990, called Devilman: The Birth, and Devilman: The Demon Bird

these two are usually paired together, you can find them uploaded on youtube every once in a while, the dub is. well in a technical sense it should be considered awful but i personally think the ridiculousness and constant unnecessary swearing really fits. its considered the best anime adaptation but there's only 2 episodes, theyre long enough to cover a chapter each but.... man if only they finished. i should also warn there's some heavy violence in these. like its not *as* bad as other iterations of devilman but like.... its worse than the manga by far, and there's one second of violence that always makes me flinch in the first ova. (theres quite a bit of guts in these i think... but the 2nd ova is much worse on the gore in one rlly long scene)

i dont rlly like the second movie as much... its just kinda meh for me.. except to see and hear sirene... literally her voice actor did such a good job im so gay (dont worry abt sexual assault in the ova's either, sirene is safe from that kind of depiction)

but basically! i say read the original manga, and if u want more(and rlly want to laugh) watch at least the first ova, then the 2nd if u want. but i beg you not to purchase anything new literally please dont support this disgusting author in any way

[misterbitches]

i keep thinking about this and coming to more conclusions like both as an artist and me. 

we always think first about the aggressor and not the victim. so, for example, with history 4 and yong jie what will their relationship look like now given the trauma? if they have no interest in fleshing this dude out and having him just be an annoying clingy little ugly bitch then acknowledge that pain and how it will affect them. it’s so easy for xing si to get over being raped? what about xing si’s relationship with his mother? what about the fracturing this does to the family when there’s an intense violation that was aided and abetted by the mother?

that would be far more fascinating trying to figure out and they could still have them be together if they so desperately need it but they can’t ignore everything. that means the trauma will permeate through every part of your life. it’s hilarious that so many fans say the portrayals are realistic because they are not. these shows do not have the time and many of the writers or producers do not have the care or prowess—or will have to cut things to please the state—to execute this. they expedite the healing process but we are left reeling. 

in film school one of my teachers was always like, “what happens in the world when the film ends?” and this is something to ask. are we approaching it from: a man falls in love with his brother who raped him and the mother encouraged it and the shock and taboo of that or are we approaching it from a man is forced and trapped into a rship and stockholm syndrome and how that plays out. even if they stayed together even so it would give us more reason and understanding and then we see and know the foundation is built on nothing but darkness and may never recover. after this chapter ends  there may be destruction; it’s possible because that’s how it all started.

but after this story ends, in the way it is presented, what will happen? it’s not just entertainment and that doesn’t mean it’s as big of a deal as i think it is even as i write these things. these are just things to keep in mind and things i think the younger viewers absolutely need to see. for themselves like as creative people and enjoying the media they consume and seeing what works and what doesn’t especially when a work serves a purpose. nothing is made for no reason so don’t expect it to be. to me i’m like: why was this made and what could have been better? 

there is NO improvement which is why we run around in the same circles. the way to untangle that is being clear about the message and its faults. the audience can’t be clear about it if the show isn’t doing its job for a team of professional fucking writers trying to entice people by poorly approaching topics and leaving them empty handed. life is not as hollow as these things make it and yet we eat it up hook line and fucking sinker. 

time and time again we see what these things must establish and how far they can push themselves. it isn’t until the material world gets better that we see a turn in the media but time isn’t linear. sometimes things are worse in years, sometimes things are better. these tropes last because they are a direct reflection of life and the failures in society. so of course it’s about the perpetrator and how they can get their prize but not how we can manage these things when there is a clear victim and we pretend like it isnt there under some sense of potential reform. 1. people do not need to be reformed in a story and that isn’t what this needs 2. is that compelling? 3. yes morally grey things exist but this is not morally grey when it is a violation adn that person’s action was not morally grey. there was a victim and he neeeds to be away from that victim. if he is going to stay we need to see the affects of him being there as real things and there is nothing realistic about that. in no fucking world would someone like xing si a grown adult fucking man be able to temper things that quickly as in the show. NONE. that shit lasts forever but we are supposed to see them kiss and be liek “aw wow morally grey” like what about him is morally grey in relation to xing si? specifically. whihc is the personhe will be with forever.

no it’s how do we get ourselves to see him and engage with him. you can engage with him or be enraptured sure but that doesn’t mean anything and it doesn’t mean the writers are even doing anything with it! i’m glad eveyrone can garner there own idk ideas or get what they want out of a work but what about the victims? what about the relationships? what happens when the story ends? what are dinners like? cos their lives don’t stop when it’s not being recorded (as in these worlds we are shown are always going to exist so they continue on even without us seeing it. so the characters don’t have a stop point we just usually see their happy ending and many times with shitty relationships it’s like why are we here now?) at this point it’s comical and it’s boring. 

there’s a film i like with cameron diaz where she falls in love with someone who kidnapped her for a job. there’s no perosnal connection which really helps as well. he did it for a job, doesn’t know her, they fall in love. they get together at the end. that still affects her but it’s also way less psychological trauma then somoene stalking and grooming you and violating you and trapping you by direct action and constant manipulation. there’s no way to turn that around and it’s even worse when you try to with literally no other explanations. like who are these fucking characters and why should we even want them to continue to be here? yong jie could have even been a vehicle to help xing si like idk unpack everything in his brain in a helpful way even through his violation. they chose none of that lmao i could write a better fucking script and im a moron

why should we believe in their love? why should we believe in yong jie? why should we believe in any of these people when they don’t prove shit to us. they just exist. why is that interesting? why do we root for them? that’s certainly not something they even asked themselves cause they sure as shit don’t know. the writing here cannot make up its mind on its own morality and i think the idea of morally grey only works if you have a fucking idea of what you want to do not just throwing shit at a wall. and we feel something for these “morally grey” characters—frankly this term is also a mistake because it’s so much about good/bad and ignores history and peoples lives and what leads to events and it is a super WASP-y concept in its current iteration anyway with a belief that punity is justice when it is not. that is why i say get the fuck away from this dude instead of going to jail. we could see yong jie grow but FUCKING OUTSIDE OF XING SI.

aey from lovely writer is one where im like wow i feel so bad 4 u i think ur gonna like kill urself someone get this messy ass bitch some help. people hate this kid and they totally can! i feel bad for him! dont love him and maybe i wont even want the best for him but rn im like “omg i dont want u 2 die sir.”

i dont feel that way in many other shows. i feel fucking nothing for these men. not yong jie and not even the old guy from modc im just like ok you exist and i’m going to ignore you. there is nothing in my chest lmao. i look at them and feel cold, couldnt be drier, cos it’s stale and boring and trite and nothing new at all. it’s not realisitc and it’s not even entertaining. it’s just...there. 

i mean it’s there with the reminder of “oh man i am not interested in your love story also isn’t your boyfriend like 40 and you’re 17? why do you like each other again? does this kid have parents? Wait, what’s happening? uhhhh am i supposed to like this? where are his parents? what’s gonna happen when he turns 23 and realizes how fucked up that shit is? can we see that?” and before u know it the sex on screen is over so that was just unpleasant all around.

and i cannot give u a single reason for so many couples why they like each other. like literally what on earth is there for the two of these people to be attracted to. at least one is being swayed by power but what’s the other one doing? oh nothing he just sucks? ok got it.

if we don’t approach it from a “how do we get people to like a shitty person or a person who does things that harms others” it continues on like this. questioning questioning questioning the comfortableness and never thinking about what the fuck the victim can do, what the fuck is even going on in their heads. and if they can’t do that then we go back to the question: what is the purpose of it? if the answr is “just because” then you have a failure on your hands and a lot of annoyed people. sorry not sorry 

[citialiin]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. tagged by: @forseenclade thank you ! man i am so bad at doing memes.  tagging: @blossomingbeelzebug @zhrets @lupichorous @dansiere yayayayayayayaya

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated [ z/iggy stardust is DEFINITELY not my original character, but 683 is, and every single part of how i rp ziggy from his backstory to his personality was made up by me. that being said, ziggy is still a character that exists in media. ]

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO. [ im pretty sure ziggy is tied with the thin white duke as one of b*wie’s most famous fictional personas? ]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES ? / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK. [ maybe a little overrated ]

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. [ celebrity rock god of limitless talent vs inevitable overrated washup. most celebrities are polarizing anyways ]

How strictly do you follow canon?  — there isnt much canon to go off of i think? the album barely even states if ziggy is an alien and b*wie himself got really wishy washy about it (sometimes saying z is a human who was contacted by aliens, he was an alien himself, etc). i dont think we know anything about him besides what he looks like (red hair / weird eyes / pale / “well hung” lmao) and he has a band called the spiders from mars, he plays the guitar left handed, he’s bisexual + androgynous, and he’s charming and popular with the teens but inevitably is a victim of his own ego. and he dies.  that too.  but that’s literally it! we know Nothing else about him.  so i filled in all the gaps because my brain has worms.  theres a little bit of the story that verges on fantasy (that he’s some sort of messiah messenger for “the infinites,” whatever the fuck THAT means, david) so i nix that because i prefer hard scifi.  and theres one BIG part that i just ... deleted out of his canon, in that the world is ending in 5 years in his timeline, and he’s like ... aware of this ?  but that’s dumb and confusing.  i legit dont care anymore. my OC now.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  im so embarrassed i know i could be genuine and actually try but i have brain blockajjolajlakala33lak33klak333ak3jka3akjj323j3 i guess it’s like ... ziggy is truly the ultimate expression OF humanity because he reveals everything both wrong and right about the human condition, he literally embodies the best of humanity and the worst at the same time, he’s a really interesting critique on the idea of genuineness/earnestness vs commercalism in art, the perils of fame, and also how humans are so inherently corrupting?  a lot of thematic stuff i like exploring is like what is innate to humans vs what is learned behavior, what are things that humans do naturally that ziggy mimics out of his desire to be like us?  i think he has a really good story arc -- he went from being a literal nameless CLONE in a society full of pragmatic forward thinking science-oriented people to a sell out rockstar celebrity in a society of people that value individualism and self expression and art, but in the process completely lost his mind and himself and gave into the worst that humanity has to offer like rampant selfishness, drug abuse, self destructive tendencies, etc. characters changing is always interesting and ziggy truly changes for the worse -- but he is never just black and white, he was never good and then suddenly evil, he just was always the same person putting on different facades and trying to be himself by constructing an identity that maybe was who he wanted to be versus who he actually is.  i dont know what im talking about. hes just an alien trying to be too hard to be human in all the wrong ways.   i just like how “gray” ziggy is. he isnt good or bad, he can be very nice and he can be very mean, he’s overtly showboating confident but at the same time deeply afflicted with self-consciousness (why tf else would anyone be So obsessed with how they present themselves?).  hes an icon of individualism but also commercialism.  he’s freakishly alien but is almost more human than humans themselves.  he struggles as lot in his head -- which makes for interesting writing, i guess !!  Im so emabrrased im not going to go back and read what i wrote so if i typoed dont look at me

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  i think ziggy comes across as really mean and nothing else.  his horrible bitchy rudeness comes across as hee hee hoo hoo sassy isnt he a rascal when it’s supposed to be more like ... he’s so far gone into the celebrity delusion he’s conflated aggressive rudeness with charmingness because no one told him otherwise and everyone worships him to the point where he’s just given into the delusion that he can do no wrong.  i think theres the general simplification problem that happens with a lot of fictional characters, it’s easy to see him as just a whacky sassy glittery quirky rockstar when i guess it avoids the inherent tragedy of like ... everything else about him. his totally fake and false sense of identity built up from superficial things like fame and labels and stardom.  maybe my version of ziggy is just too weirdly depressing and sad when i know his original iteration wasn’t quite so ... grim.  im not very sure tbh.  

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  hmmm ... a lot of things! i just really got into b*wie stuff in early 2019, i’ve ALWAYS loved aliens and sci-fi, and i was really shocked that db sets up such great visual storytelling potential but does it through music.  i just really liked ziggys “story” and i like any chance to think about aliens so i just got invested into piecing together a little backstory for him using, like, the cumulative knowledge of literally every other piece of science fiction ive ever consumed in my life.  this was summer 2019 when i was making initial pitches for my thesis film, and so i just randomly decided to pitch “animated version of ziggy stardust” as one of the potential ideas.  shockingly everyone liked it a lot and so did my professor who thought it was really cool, and then i just ended up sticking with the character and working on him for an entire year.  ziggy became my hobby but also my homework.  he was such a fun character because everything about him was interesting to me and i had just enough source material to have a starting point but so much room to take him in any direction i wanted to.

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  honestly, yooooou guyssssss. i have some really amazing fwends that ive met thru here .... and some of our dumb stupid stories have literally become NOVEL length. it just self generates inspiration because you realize the limitless amount of stories you could tell with this one single character when your character enters his story or he enters their story and etc. etc.  ive drawn endless amounts of comics and stuff for him ... ziggy is just so endlessly interesting ...   cringe be cringed bro but recently (i know this sounds dumb bear with me or die.) ive kind of realized a lot of how i rp z comes as some metaphor for the experience of being an asian immigrant/being asian in the US -- his home “culture” is a lot stricter than the rampant selfish individualism of the usa (he only lives in the uk and usa, so he thinks the whole planet is like this), he’s dissuaded from standing out from his community and his selfishness becomes a community burden rather than a personal flaw, and when he does come to earth, he goes through such awful culture shock, literally nothing makes sense to him and everything is Different.  and while some things are different in a Nice way, something things are different in an Awful way, and he’s given the option between losing his true personal identity as an atominan and giving it up to be a human.  the allure of being a human is a little too much but losing yourself like this is traumatic, in a way.  obvs like ... a little silly and definitely not something that i actively intended to put into his story arc, its just something that fell into place cuz i guess i worked so closely with my own personal experiences and feelings of “alienation” (pun intended) to try to understand how he would feel being a literal alien an shid. its cathartic to write about him. but he also has a lot of my own personal interests just thrown in -- 70s fashion, scifi, science, tryhard implications about human nature, art history, whatever dumb nonsense i get into

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / SOMETIMES?

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO  [ i would prefer information to spring up organically in the story but cuz threads always get dropped i end up just telling people outright. i didnt want anyone to know his home planet/his old name but barely anyone writes enough with ziggy to get to that point to reveal it (i legit managed to do it organically Once) so i just had to write it in a post lmao orz ]

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO [ wrote a ton of drabbles ! drew a ton of comics! ]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO 

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO / I DUNNO?

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / HAHA NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES  / NO. / IDK ? 

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  definitely!  like i said ... my version of ziggy ended up being the protag of my thesis film and for 1 yr straight his characterization, backstory, design, and even how i wanted to animate his fucking movements (ziggy stardust timing charts.) were beaten to death in a classroom environment, torn apart and rebuilt into something better.  had i stayed with what i originally wanted to go with, ziggy would be so different than how i write him 2day. amazingly my pre production professor is a literal two time emmy award winning storyboard artist and animator so he definitely helped me design him (my version of ziggy is meant for ... a cartoon, obviously, not real life) and give him a better backstory?  and my post production professor is a retired disney animator who worked on hercules and a bunch of old disney channel shows?  had i gone wah wah wah i dont want to hear ur critiques i wouldnt have made him better.  if you ever think ziggy seems inconsistent or poorly written ... tell me !! i literally major in ... animation. cartoons. entertainment.  my job is to entertain you. if you are not entertained, there is a problem.  ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED ????

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  I LOVE QUESTIONS? i love ... answering questions ... if you ask me something ill come kiss you.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  sure! i dont know why that would happen, though, because i mean ... he’s an OC. but i gues someone could be like “i feel like this is incongruous to things you’ve previously established in his character” or somethin

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  i feel like a lot of b*wie stans would find my version of ziggy weird but i mean thats fine!  i guess my goal is to have a well written character, not necessarily an accurate version of ziggy

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  if you hate MY version of ziggy thats fine but if u hate ziggy stardust in general (like the bowie concept) then u need some taste what the fuck is cooler than a egomaniac genderless bisexual rockstar alien with red hair? nothing. go back to watching your CW shows you dirty filthy normie

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  yes! dm me though. dont clown me on the dash like that.  i usually write your replies 12 AM - 4 AM so it’s expected.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  hmmm ... maybe! i do like to talk to people and i am VERY nice, trust me, if youre ever sad ill do everything i can to make you feel better. but im quiet! i dont really reach out to people and i tend to just keep to myself.  im not very social or extroverted at all haha i barely can make ooc posts without feeling like god’s coming to beat my head in with a brick. im sitting here at 5:30 AM with this meme feeling like if i post it i will die (BUT I MUST)

[beastung]

Whump prompt: Bullet Wound

What kind of bullet wound victim do you prefer?

The tearful, helpless,

"Ah, oh god oh god-GAH" she screamed, unable to keep her panic or breathing in check. "Fuck this isnt what-oh god am i gonna die?"

The silent fall to the ground and bleed out?

She let out a yelp, barely audible over the sound of the bullet ringing out. Looking down to her stomach she saw the blood staining her shirt and dread filled her body like her blood was failing to. "Fuck." She breathed before collapsing like a ragdoll, failing to catch herself of any surface and instead welcoming the cold groud that mimmicked the hands of death.

Or the in shock, delirious

"Character A?" He looked around the room, looking for his partner as he caught his breath. It was then he moved around the bar to see her on her back, chest heaving then going back to a state of calm deep breathing like an undecided metronome, counting the beats leading to her death. "Character A, oh my god."

"Character B?" She breathed before swallowing harshly, "ive been shot."

He fell to her side putting pressure on a wound she was barley reacting to. "I know. I know. It's okay, you're gonna be okay."

"I know." She struggled to get the words out as tears fell down her cheeks. If you were to only see her face you wouldn't know why dhe was upset. She barely seemed aware of the bullet lodged into her stomach. "We need-we need to take the washing off the line"

"What?"

"It's gonna rain, I don't wanna re *chokes* re wash them"

"A you're talking nonsense"

I personally love the one who knows what it's like to be shot and cant go through that again

"Nonononono, ugh, please B i cant-"she begged, her bloody hands weakly wreslting his.

"I'm sorry I have to put pressure on it, I can't loose you," he reasoned, tears welling up in his eyes as he hurt her. She knew what had to be done and she knew the retraction of the bullet was nothing short of torture.

BONUS POINTS if the whumpee is stupidly angry about the situation and is burning up at the idea of loosing control

"I dont fucking care, AH, dont fucking touch me" she choked out, going mad at the thought of her life in someones hands.

"Its okay, i know what I'm doing. I'll take care of you." She let out a scream as he put direct pressure over the wound, clawing at his hands in embarressment.

"Get the fuck off me! I dont care just fucking let me die," she trailed off into quiet begging just wishing for mercy. It was a side B has never seen before and one he never wanted to again. But right now? He had to put her in pain. For her sake.

[ikesenhell]

IMAGINARY

IMAGINARY, CHAPTER 1. You can find all other IkeSen works of mine here or become a Patron of mine! NOTES: Oh man, this is gonna be a wild one. I didn’t expect this to come up and snatch me, but it is. Let’s see how this goes. Bonus points if you can guess in the first chapter who the love interest[s] is/are!

She really needed to stop living in her head. That wasn’t a stretch. She spent so much time by herself that it felt like living on the brink of insanity. Any given second could dissolve into a dream. That was the kind of world she lived in--the kind where she spent more time alone than speaking to another.

Lonely was one thing. Alone was another.

Most of her meals passed in silence. She came home every day to an empty apartment. Dishes waited for her. Her bed went unmade. The little time she spent out and about was by herself. Sometimes her friend Ieyasu came by, but that was rare. He did enough himself, after all.

And it was taking its toll. There were nights where she laid awake and stared at the ceiling, willing it to open up and bring her somewhere else. All the stories she read as a child felt like a hollow mockery of her life. Where was Narnia? Where was Middle Earth? Where were the faries in the wood, or the genies in bottles, or the princesses in far away castles? Anything--anything at all, any trace of magic was welcome.

But there was nothing.

That was the reality of it. And reality crushed her.

Ieyasu shot her a long, penetrating stare one day, one of the few times they hung out together, and asked, “Are you ok?”

“Fine,” she responded, willing herself not to cry at just the inquiry. “Why do you ask?”

He opened his mouth, shut it again, and finally turned away with a shrug. “Pick your character. Time for me to kick your ass again.”

That night she curled up in a ball in bed and sobbed.

God! Who else would care? Maybe out there, somewhere, somewhere in the world, there was someone sweet who would. He would hold her in his arms and caress her hair and whisper kindly, and--

The bed creaked slightly. She paused mid-cry to absorb the shift of weight--and then there was a pair of arms around her. It wasn’t so heavy that it shocked. No. This was gentle, almost imperceptible, a ghost of something that she thought she remembered. It was like a dream.

“There, there,” the dream voice whispered, sweet and dear. Her whole body relaxed despite itself. “It’s okay. Just cry it out.”

“I’m sorry,” she managed breathlessly, “I don’t mean to cry like this--”

But the imaginary presence sighed gently and gave her another hug. “It’s okay. I’m here for you. That’s what friends are for, right?”

She reached back and patted a head of fine silver hair. He nuzzled her; she sighed and relaxed. “Thank you.”

“Any time,” Mitsunari whispered back. She knew his name before she knew anything else. He was in her head, after all. “Any time at all.”

---

She almost didn't think about it again. It was a late night fantasy of not being alone. No doubt that was just the product of fatigue and loneliness. Right?

Right.

Except that odd things started happening.

She came home one day to find the shadow of a man passing through her kitchen, his full laugh echoing over the tiles before disappearing entirely. Someone rifled through her closet and picked out her clothes for the day. One night she had a dream of a man with white hair and an equally snowy duster cleaning a pair of pistols by her bedside, shooting her a wink with ghost-light eyes as she dozed off.

And then came the one she couldn’t deny.

She was puttering around the living room. Alone. Of course alone--always alone--and looking for the remote.

“Where did I put it?” She snapped, flinging a pillow to the side. “It’s just me. I’m an idiot. Gonna have to hire a private investigator just to find my things…”

“That would be a waste of your hard-earned nickels, don’t you think?”

That voice was too real to push away. She shrieked and flung a pillow at the man behind her--no, men. One of them started and drew a gun. Another smacked it away with a knife, a flurry of batting flying around the living room. The last and tallest man just laughed uproariously.

“Stop laughing,” snapped the one with the gun, holstering it immediately. He wore a suit that she couldn’t quite place, removing his fedora to reveal a fluff of reddish-brown hair. “It isn’t funny.”

“To the contrary, Yuki, I find it hilarious.”

“Of course you do,” the last man drawled, his winter’s breath voice matching the statuesque expression. “You would find this delightful, Mr. Takeda.”

Mr. Takeda shot her a wink, brushing his double breasted coat off his shoulders and taking a bow. All at once it hit her. These suits were vintage. She couldn’t place the year, but it certainly was from before the nineteen fifties. “Terribly sorry to bother you. My associates and I thought you needed a helping hand. You misplaced your remote?”

“What is a remote?” The blonde groused, but pattered around the living room anyway.

“Beats me,” the one named Yuki snipped. “What does it look like, Miss?”

“Yuki,” Mr. Takeda chided, “Be polite to the lady.”

Yuki grimaced and cast a blushing glance to the side. “What does it look like…. Ma’am.”

“Better.”

She sat, stone-stiff on the couch, utterly convinced she was having a mental breakdown. That is, until Mr. Takeda swept forward and took her hand in his. He was warm. “Shingen Takeda, PI, at your service. My associates, Kenshin Uesugi and Yukimura Sanada, are at your service.”

“Thanks,” she managed thickly. “Um, yeah. Uh. A remote is like, a black plastic thing…? It has buttons…”

“Black plastic,” Kenshin murmured, flipping a pillow with a scowl. “We’ve solved murders.”

“Shut it.” Yuki paused a second, bracing his hands on his hips. “Could you get up for us to check the couch?”

“I already checked it,” she answered without thinking, still too stunned to really gather herself. Still, she got up. “Uh, weird question, but what year is it?”

All three stared at her. Shingen doubled over with a laugh, clutching at his stomach until the sound transformed into harsh wheezing. Yuki blanched, taking a few steps towards his associate. The other man waved him off.

“Nineteen twenty-three,” Kenshin announced. “Why?”

Her stomach dropped. “Are you sure?”

“Don’t be a dummy,” Yuki chided.

“Yuki! You don’t speak to a lady like that.” Shingen composed himself once more. “Yes, why do you ask?”

“I--” What was she supposed to say? Had they materialized from somewhere else? Were they time travelers? What was happening? “Nothing. So, the remote?”

Kenshin flipped part of the rug back and found it there. Without ceremony, he tossed it in her direction. Mercifully she caught it. “Is that what you were looking for?”

“It is! Thanks!”

But--she blinked, and the second she looked back up, they were all gone.

---

“So.” She took a taste of pizza, realized it was too hot, waved frantically at her mouth and set the lava-hot piece down. “I had a weird hallucination the other day.”

Ieyasu shot his friend a questioning stare. “Hallucination?”

“Pretty sure.” She laughed. “I hallucinated three men in my living room from nineteen twenty-three. You know, hardboiled detective types.”

He lifted a brow. “Ahuh.”

“Yeah. It was really weird. They helped me find my remote.”

His other brow rose to match. “They helped you find your remote.”

“I promise it’s not as crazy as it sounds.”

He just eyed her doubtfully. “I’ll take your word on that one.”

---

The next time, a man toppled into her bedroom as she lay there with a book, wishing someone would join her. She screamed and flung the tome at him. It bounced off his head.

“Ah!” He swatted it away, his blue eyes--no, eye--flashing. “Sorry, sorry, terribly sorry--may I hide in here?”

“What?”

“Thank you!” The man leaped up, all the fine silks of his clothes glimmering in the lamplight as he shot her a grin. “I am indebted to you.”

“Who--?” But she already knew. Masamune Date, Prince of the Northern Territories. How did she know that? He was on the run from his family, who wanted him to marry before his time…

He rolled under her bed.

“Get out from under there!” She hopped off the mattress, yanking her underwear drawer out. “Jesus, I--you don’t have to be in there, I swear no one is going to find you here--”

He peered out, holding aloft a lace bra for her with a wink. “Are you quite sure?”

She snatched it away from him with burning cheeks. “Yes. Come on. You’re a figment of my imagination, I’m not going to imagine them finding you here.”

“Oh? A figment? You’ve got quite the imagination, then.” But he didn't challenge her further. Instead he rolled out from under the bed and dusted himself off, brushing back his brown hair and giving her another killer grin. “What else will you imagine me doing?”

“Here.” She shoved a book into his arms. “You can read that.”

He looked almost disappointed until he read the cover. “Cooking Around the Globe?”

“It seems your kind of thing.” How did she know that? But he gave her another fetching grin and all her questions dissolved.

“It is,” he assured her. “It’s quite my thing. I’ll be very entertained with this.”

She didn't question it after that. Instead she settled back into bed and he draped himself over the edge. By bedtime, she glanced up and he was gone, only the indent of his elbows to mark he was ever there to begin with.

With a sigh, she turned and shut off the lights. If she were hallucinating, at least it was proving interesting.

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

Episode 6: End of an Era

Strap yourselves in guys, this one’s a long one, but a good one. 

In this session, we were joined by two friends who happen to be married to each other, L and A. L provided snarky comments on the session hijinks and A played sound effects and brought the DM’s speakers over when he wanted to play something specific. 

The DM explains how, after an 8-hour speeder ride across the planet, we’re put down in a field and the speeder disappears. We’re in the middle of open farmland, nothing but rolling green fields dotted with small rounded bumps. These look like old abandoned grain silos, but Grif and Rralwarr know that inside one of these silos is a turbolift down to the safehouse. 

Rralwarr: I wanna do something. Before we go in there, I want to check Taveau for anything Death Watch could be using to track us. 

DM: And you’re... going to do this how? 

Me: Are you going to warn Taveau before you do whatever you’re planning to do to him? 

Rralwarr: Yeah--like “hey Taveau I need to check you for trackers before we head in.” 

Taveau: h

DM: Yeah that was technical language, you only barely understand what he’s saying. 

Taveau: I got like... half of that. Grif? 

Grif: 

Grif: Hmm what? Oh I was trying to remember which of these silos leads to f̸͎̽l̸̤̾u̵͙͆f̸̗͆f̸̣̀y̵̰̎p̶̦͂ḽ̷͊à̶̳c̶͕̄ê̷ͅ... 

Everyone: 

Grif: Yeah he wants to know if there’s any way Death Watch could be tracking you. 

Taveau: *instant paranoia* I?? Don’t?? Think so??? Uh, this armor never belonged to them, I don’t... 

Rralwarr asks if there could be something in the helmet. Taveau explains that it’s a remarkably low-tech helmet, only useful for deflecting plasma bolts from your face and holding caf, but lets Rralwarr examine it. It is, indeed, a very plain helmet with no attachments. Rralwarr is satisfied. We head down. 

Rralwarr and Taveau both have a bad feeling. It seems too easy. I’m kind of expecting Death Watch to already be down there, holding Grif’s family hostage. When the new Roll20 background loads up, showing a bunker, I nearly have a heart attack when I see several character tokens facing the entrance where we’ve just appeared. This changes to relief as I see that they’re Wookiees. 

DM: as the doors open, you see two Wookiees in the room before you. They roar an enthusiastic greeting, and one rushes forward and hugs Rralwarr. From behind them, you hear someone speaking basic. “Excuse me--Medrull, Talwarra?” and poking in between them comes a man who looks a lot like Grif, but older and greyer, in very luxurious robes. 

Baron Welkonna: Son. I’m so glad to see you safe. Rralwarr, thank you for keeping him safe. 

Then there’s sort of a moment of awkward semi-silence as everyone looks suspiciously at Taveau. Everyone except Medrull, of course, who immediately starts talking to Grif about how much taller he’s gotten, and asking whether he’s been eating well. Baron Welkonna pulls Rralwarr aside, but the other two Wookiees stay where they are, politely but firmly barring Grif and Taveau (mostly Taveau) from entering the room. 

Baron Welkonna: I was not anticipating a third person, Grif made no mention... is everything alright? Who is he? 

Rralwarr: Yes, it’s alright. Regarding Taveau--Taveau is his name--he’s helped us on our journey and as far I understand it he is running away from the ah

H: 

Dm: 

H: I Should Probably Think Before I Speak

DM: Yes. 

H: OK I’m starting over. 

DM: You can do that. 

Rralwarr: Taveau is our pilot, he is the one who got us to our destination, and... he is running away from slavers, as I understand it. He hasn’t told us much and I think there’s more to it, but he has helped us, and has fought alongside us in battle. 

Baron Welkonna: Ah, the poor man. You trust him? 

Rralwarr: Enough. 

Welkonna: Does Grif trust him? 

Rralwarr: Yes, I think so. 

Welkonna: Medrull, Talwarra, everything is clear. 

We’re allowed into the room and Baron Welkonna comes over to Taveau. 

Welkonna: I apologize for seeming a bit rude at first. These are trying times, but I have been assured that you are trustworthy. 

And he holds out his hand for a handshake. 

Now let me explain. Taveau feels like he’s entered another dimension, here. Not only is this man ridiculously wealthy (and Taveau is still semi-convinced he’s some kind of royalty), but he’s nice. Taveau isn’t sure how to react to either of those things but especially not the second one. 

Taveau: 

Taveau, struggling to remember how normal human beings behave when they’re not fighting for their survival and having near-death experiences every two seconds: 

Taveau: Thank You Sir *shakes hand, casually has an out-of-body experience* 

Baron Welkonna: I understand you’re been a great help to my son. 

Taveau: h 

Grif: Ohmygoodness he has been amazing!! He’s such a great pilot and he got us off of Ryloth when we were trapped there and I don’t even know what would have happened if we hadn’t met him, we probably would have died! 

Taveau, having another out-of-body experience: I... would have died too, so... thanks for letting me tag along? 

Baron Welkonna walks Grif and Taveau around the complex, showing Taveau the facilities, while Rralwarr hangs out with the other Wookiee bodyguards and chats about his adventures. The furnishings are simple but comfortable. There’s the living area where we came down, which has a couch; other rooms branch off of this in two directions. The one straight ahead from the entrance is a sleeping area with bunk beds, which we’ll get back to later. The other door, on the left (with your back to the entrance), leads into a dining area with doors leading to storage area, master bedroom and bathroom (with real water showers rather than sonic ones!! Taveau takes note. Taveau is still finding Geonosian sand in his hair, months later, and he doesn’t like it.) And in the bathroom there’s a hidden panel that opens to a hidden saferoom with a gun rack. This room provides access to the area which has the power generator and an escape hatch leading up to a small hangar. 

From here we circle back around to the smaller bedroom. 

Welkonna: Grif, I’m sure you remember this, you used to love playing on these beds. 

Grif: Oh yeah! During the safety drills.... I remember those. 

Welkonna: Do you remember the time you hid under the covers and we couldn’t find you? Midkrarr was ready to tear her fur out with worry... you scared your mother, too. She was so happy when we finally found you. 

Grif: ...I remember. 

Welkonna: Anyway, 

He opens another hidden-panel-door into a vault holding an impressive amount of weaponry. 

Grif: Wow dad, I don’t remember all of this! 

Welkonna: Ah yes, I’ve made some additions to the place since you were last here. Actually: here, might want to take this. 

He takes down a suit of concealed body armor that will go under Grif’s clothes. 

Grif:  Wow, this, this is—I don’t even know where you’d get something like this! Thanks, dad!! 

DM: Taveau, Baron Welkonna notices you hanging back at the door, not sure if you should enter. He says “Ah, you look fairly well-armored already, but I have an attachment that might be helpful.” 

*L and A play the Zelda item gain noise from the couch. Party takes a moment to laugh at this* 

Welkonna gives Taveau a wrist attachment with a concealed vibroblade. Taveau is beyond pleased and puts it on his left wrist and starts playing with it. 

H: Please don’t tell me he’s just standing there flicking it in and out

Me: Heheheheh that is exactly what he’s doing. He looks very pleased with it. Finally he retracts it and looks up at Baron Welkonna and says “Thank you, sir.” 

M: Hey can I roll to see if Grif notices any guns he could use that would be better than what he’s got? 

DM: Sure. (he do that) You see a very nice blaster pistol, looks like republic army issue. 

Grif: Heyoo, dad, where’d you get that one? 

Welkonna: Oh, that was a gift from an army supplier I helped with some tricky negotiations. I have no real use for it, would you like it? I certainly can’t object to you having more protection, though I wish it weren’t necessary. 

Grif does indeed take the gun. It is a nice gun. 

DM: meanwhile, Rralwarr has been shooting the breeze with the other Wookiee bodyguards, and has have endured some good-natured teasing from Midkrarr, the oldest, who is Baron Welkonna’s personal bodyguard. Medrull and Talwarra are also glad to have you back. They’re excited about the new gear they have—shock sticks. Would you like one? 

H: You know this is incredibly obviously that room full of gear that you find right before The Boss Room 

DM: I am being nice to you :) 

H: Yes I take the shock stick. 

DM: Excellent. You can sling it on your back.

Rralwarr discusses where the rest of Grif’s family is with the bodyguards--his sister is with her husband’s family, the brother who went into industry was off-world at the time and they’re having trouble contacting him, but they think he’s OK because he was about halfway across the galaxy. We also learn that Grif was the middle child, his brother was older and his sister younger (though one would presume not much younger). 

DM: Medrull pulls Rralwarr aside and softly grunts to him that Midkrarr was the personal bodyguard to Lady Welkonna as well and is taking her loss very personally. She’s been extra vigilant. She considers it a failure on her part.

RR: I understand. But we’ll be safe here—

-PROXIMITY ALARM BLARES-

Everyone: Of Course It Does

DM, to Rralwarr: Midkrarr rushes past you, nearly knocking you over in the process, barking at the other bodyguards to take up defensive positions. 

Rralwarr quickly gives the other bodyguards an idea of what they might be up against, then goes looking for his boy 

(Rralwarr:)

Rralwarr: GRIF WHERE YOU AT

Grif, reacting to the alarm: Oh! That sounds bad! 

Rralwarr: Ah he’s in here. 

DM: You encounter them rushing out of the vault room. Baron Welkonna races into the dining room area, where there’s a display screen on the wall, and you all follow him. About 5 miles out you see a small freighter, flying low to the ground and slowly. You think you may have about 5 minutes, they have to go over a lot of hills and it’s slowing them down. 

Welkonna:  I was afraid of this. It seems we’ve been followed. I expect it was someone in the police force who told them where we were. (sigh) alright. It’ll take them a while to get through... We’re far enough down to be safe from anything but orbital bombardment, I don’t think they brought a capital ship. I think we need to retreat to the safe room. 

Taveau: Then you’ll just be trapped in there! 

Welkonna: I’ve reported it to the police, a force should be here in about an hour. Surely we’ll last for that long. 

DM: ...The ship... is still approaching... what are you gonna do... 

[Party discusses various options. Leaving through the escape hatch won’t work, they only have a small speeder there, they’d be easily chased down and shot.]

DM: Guys... the ship... is getting really close... what are you gonna do... 

[Welkonna heads into the saferoom, still arguing with Grif]

DM: Guys the ship is ALMOST HERE. IT WILL BE HERE IN LIKE. TEN SECONDS. 

Taveau: the bodyguards are going to be at the door, right? I’ll stay with them as long as possible. 

Rralwarr agrees. 

Grif looks at his friends, then his father. 

Grif: Dad, I think I gotta go with em. I can’t leave em alone--

Taveau: No, you don’t gotta. Go in the safe room. 

Welkonna: Son, please, I can’t lose you too. Stay with me. 

At around this point, the other two head to the front, and Taveau, Rralwarr, Midkrarr, Medrull and Talwarra all take cover in places around the living room right outside the turbolift area. They also recall the turbolift so that the invaders can’t use it, but let’s be honest, did anyone really think that would stop these guys? No. But we could say that we tried, at least.

DM, to Grif: At this point, you’re at the hidden door. Baron Welkonna is already inside, Grif is still outside in the bathroom. Baron Welkonna is coming back like he’s going to grab you and pull you inside, Grif; and you notice this at the same time that you notice that you’re standing right next to the emergency seal on the door. 

M: ooh. ... Hm. 

Grif: Alright dad, I’m going. 

And he steps out and presses the release. 

Welkonna, muffled, through the door, which is now sealed for the next thirty minutes: Aaah fierfek! 

Grif: I’ll try to stay safe dad! 

Grif goes and hides around the corner of the other bathroom, the one at the back of the first room, where the others are waiting. Nobody notices that he’s joined the party yet. 

The last we saw of the display showed the ship on the ground and six figures walking towards us. The Wookiees begin to roar--the DM describes it as a rhythmic sound that slowly builds in intensity as they psyche themselves up for battle. It works so well that it gives us all a +5 bonus to attack rolls on the first 3 turns. 

Above us somewhere, there’s a very loud explosion. It sounds like the freighter may have blasted the door open. Then there’s silence, maybe a few footsteps... then suddenly: 

Kote! Kandosii sa ka'rota, Vode An

DM: You hear, of all things, Vode An, but it seems to have changed, because this version is interspersed with bloodcurdling whoops and screams and lyrics that mention restoring the glory of the Mandalorian empire, taking the wives of the Aruetiise, and drinking blood from their skulls. Taveau, this gives you very unpleasant flashbacks. 

Me: Yes It Does

DM: Roll a 1d4. (2) It’s difficult, but you manage to steel yourself and keep composed. That was a PTSD roll, by the way. 

Me: Excellent (I appreciate the devotion to accurate characterization, and also the material for possibly later writing something. I’ll also throw in here that Vode An had come up a couple times in earlier sessions, as the DM and M discussed how great it was and played it for the rest of us. It’s from the game Republic Commando, which I bought during the Steam winter sale but haven’t tried playing yet. Considering how bad the book punched me in the feels, I’m almost afraid...) 

We hear the sound of jets firing in the elevator shaft, followed by 6 thuds. They’ve jetpacked down. Then, we hear one of them shouting at us through the door: “Aruetiise! We are not without mercy. We offer you peace! Return the foreigner, his pet, and our property to us and we will leave you alone. Otherwise, you must die.” 

DM: the Wookies respond immediately, cursing the parentage of the speaker. Taveau, with your shaky grasp of Shyriiwook, you think you hear one of them call the speaker a Hutt sex slave. You’re not sure you want to think about this too much, and question your decision to learn Shyriiwook. 

(Me, internally: are you telling me Taveau hasn’t heard worse in Mando’a) 

Speaker: You have ten seconds to respond! 

At this, Grif pops his head around the corner of the bathroom wall, and yells:  GO TO HELL YOU SONSUVBITCHES! 

At which Taveau whips around and goes GRIF WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE! 

The answer is, Grif is using his Presence skill to give us an advantage. 

Ten seconds pass, and the Speaker calls “Ha! Foolish aruetiise, soon you will taste the blades of Death Watch!” 

Just in case there was any doubt left as to who we’re dealing with, yep, it’s definitely those guys. 

Taveau noted that Death Watch had mentioned three people specifically this time. They’re not just after him. He gives up the idea he’d had of turning himself in and taking whatever punishment they had planned for him. It wouldn’t be enough, would it? He’d been stupid to think there was a chance. But honestly, who would want to kill Grif? He was... Grif. Rralwarr was more likely to be seen as a threat, but he hadn’t personally gone out of his way to anger Death Watch, he’d just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. And he hadn’t been the one to kill the guy. 

Taveau, who was pressed against the wall to the side of the door, leans over to the door and shouts “what do you want with these outsiders?” 

There’s a bit of a, possibly surprised, pause, then the Speaker responds “We want to get to the one who shot one of our own.” 

Taveau: The kid? No he’s useless believe me. He was in another room. I don’t think he even had a gun. And the Wookiee was just trying to protect him, I guarantee he wouldn’t have shot if he’d known who he was dealing with. 

DM: There’s no response. 

Of course there isn’t. 

We hear explosives being packed around the door and we all duck and cover. The door blasts forward into the room, and in the smoke-wreathed gap appears the first of our enemies, a tall man with a rather large blaster carbine slung across his chest. He’s not using this. He is, in fact, brandishing a large beskar-bladed sword. This is the Blademaster. And so it begins. 

(I’ll spare you the frantic rolling and the “oh, he missed... he circles around to try again... that guy... also missed,” and try to make it a bit story-like). 

Another Death Watch grunt runs out behind the Blademaster, and the two team up against Medrull, who’s on the other side of the door from Taveau, whom they don’t seem to have noticed. He’s standing very, very still. 

In the chaos, Grif pops out again and takes a shot at the Blademaster. He hits, though the hit doesn’t do very much damage. This man is a tank. 

H, to M: HEY! THAT IS THE FIRST TIME YA HIT SOMETHING! 

DM: Yeah, and he definitely sees you now. ...But not you, Taveau. 

Me: Can I make a sneak attack with my two vibroblades? 

DM: Yes... (not-a-very-great roll) Ah, well, you try to sneak up on him while his back is turned, but you bang your elbow against the filtration column, and he hears it and dodges your attacks. 

Talwarra nearly kills one of the troopers, but he’s still up and fighting, on a sliver of health. 

All 6 of the Death Watch are in the room now, including a Scout with a very nice & stabby knife and four grunts, fairly ordinary troopers whom the DM refers to by number in the combat initiative list. 

Trooper 3 shoots at Taveau. He hits Taveau. He hits Taveau for a lot of damage. All of it, in fact. He nat 20′d both of his attack rolls. Taveau is insta-downed (not killed) and falls to the floor, limp. 

(the drama of the moment is somewhat lessened by L shouting from the couch “and then one of the troopers starts crying and goes I didn’t want to go to war, I had a liberal arts degree and no one else would hire me!”) 

Rralwarr roars, intimidating the troopers, who all try to stay as far away from him as possible for the rest of the fight. 

The DM mentions, at this point, that these armored bastards have Wookiee pelts braided around their armor. This does not endear them to our allies. 

Grif takes a shot at the nearly-dead guy previously shot by Talwarra and manages to finish him. He’s a bit surprised, and a bit concerned to see what their response will be. 

The DM gets back to Taveau. “Roll a 1d3.” Ah yes, we are now in the world of death saving throws. 

And I’ve just rolled a 1. 

DM: OOOOOH.... 

Me: I HAVE INSPIRATION

DM: Oh good, reroll that. (a 3) Oh! Okay. Good. That was good. You’re stable now. 

Me: But I can’t move? 

DM: No, you’re still unconscious. 

Talwarra, meanwhile, grapples with one of the troopers and manages to restrain him, Medrull is still boxed in by several of them while Rralwarr takes shots at them from around the couch, and while all this is happening, one of the troopers who isn’t currently busy with the others goes over to Taveau’s limp body, grabs him, and starts dragging him away. He disappears through the door and into the turbolift shaft before anyone does anything. 

DM: Medrull... Medrull is going to attempt something a little spicy. (rolls a 24) Ah, yes. She moves in, grabs the guy who was previously holding Taveau, pins his arms, puts him in a chokehold, spins around and uses him as a meatshield. Taveau just sort of slumps to the ground in the turbolift shaft. 

And that was where I remained for the rest of the fight. But the man who tried to abduct me went on to have a very bad time. 

Grif shoots the man fighting Talwarra, but he manages to break out of Talwarra’s grip. The Scout joins him in ganging up on Talwarra. 

DM: Talwarra, enraged-- 

H: OOH IS HE IN WOOKIEE RAGE MODE?? 

DM: ...I am sure Talwarra is in a Wookiee rage, yes. Is this a thing? 

(TO THE RULEBOOK!) 

This is a thing. Wookiees have sort of a berserker mode, and considering they’re being attacked by maniacs wearing the pelts of their dead brethren, it’s pretty safe to assume that our friends are going to be doing that during this battle. Talwarra, buffed by his righteous anger, starts whaling on the nearest member of Death Watch. Meanwhile, another trooper tries to shoot at Medrull, and his shot glances off The Human Shield for 5 damage. To The Shield, not to Medrull. The Shield wriggles around in a desperate attempt to escape, but rolls low enough to bring a deadpan “Yeah, there is no escape” from the DM. 

The Blademaster also fails to land a hit on Medrull. 

M: You know, “The Blademaster” seems like an interesting name for this guy who’s never hit anything with his blade... 

DM: Medrull decides this trooper she’s holding has too many arms... (bad roll) but fails to pull any off. She’s still got him in a firm grip, though. 

It’s here that Grif yells to Rralwarr, “Get Taveau!” because I’m still lying just outside the room. Rralwarr is surprised to see Grif there, but ‘trusts his judgement.’ He doesn’t run for Taveau, though. There are kind of a lot of people duking it out between him and the door, including Medrull, who’s swinging around an entire flailing human. Instead, he takes a shot at the Blademaster, master of the blade which never lands. 

Grif, seeing that he and Talwarra, who’s closest to the back, are getting a lot of attention, yells “let’s fall back!” to Talwarra and ducks into the bathroom, which, might I mention, has no other exit. The trooper Grif had shot at a moment before rushes after him. And then he rolls a crit fail, crashes into the door, injures himself, slips on the slippery bathroom tile floor and falls on his face. He is now prone. Grif steps over him to get out of the room, and then shoots him while he’s still lying down. 

Talwarra grapples with the scout and The Human Shield, who is having a very bad day, continues soaking up damage from his own teammates. Then the Blademaster makes a surprise-dash attack on Rralwarr, which does 34 damage, leaving him nearly dead. Medrull, seeing this, goes into rage mode and decides to body-rush the Blademaster, using The Human Shield as a battering ram to smash him out of the way. She succeeds beautifully, inflicting damage upon both the Blademaster and The Shield, who is really not having a good day. 

The Blademaster, now nearly dead, moves away from us, and... before anyone can finish him off... pulls a syringe from his belt, jams it in his neck, and regains a large chunk of his HP. 

Me: I hate that guy. 

H: I hate that guy too. 

M: I don’t like sand. 

Rralwarr medpacs himself, gets his health back, and then goes into rage mode. Medrull, still holding the least lucky man on this team, uses him as a melee weapon to bludgeon one of his teammates. Rralwarr takes out his new shock stick and slaps the Blademaster with it. The Blademaster goes down. 

Grif takes another shot at the trooper who slipped facefirst into the Welkonna bathroom, who has managed to stand up again but not to do anything else. He rolls a 24 for this. 

H and I simultaneously: OOOOOH, 

Me: You are more competent than Taveau, who has been trained to kill from birth! 

DM: You manage to hit a battery pack on the side of his helmet. It explodes. Half of his face is now gone. 

One more down, but Talwarra goes down a moment later. Rralwarr slams into the guy who downed him, the Scout, with his shock stick and knocks him backwards into the hallway where Grif is standing, shouting “Take the shot!” to Grif. Grif takes the shot and crit fails it. He uses his inspiration to reroll, and still fails to hit anything, but at least he didn’t crit fail and hit Rralwarr. Unlike the other member of our party. (see ep. 1) 

Meanwhile, The Human Shield is still doing frantic and ultimately useless wiggles in Medrull’s arms, and Trooper 2 gets tired of trying to aim around him and just. Shoots his buddy. 

Me, OOC: That poor guy. Seems like the Taveau of this bunch. 

Medrull backs Trooper 2 up against the wall. He’s the last one standing, and Grif comes out and yells at him. 

Grif: Give it up, we have you outnumbered! Go back to your people and tell them we fight with honor! 

This last guy, panicked, yells “I submit!!” and drops his blaster. Medrull takes the opportunity to punch him. He’s now unconscious. 

The room is full of bodies. We’ve won. 

Rralwarr keeps beating on the limp Blademaster for a few moments before coming out of his blind rage enough to treat and stabilize Talwarra. Medrull goes and gets binder cuffs, restrains the two alive-but-unconscious men--Blademaster and the last trooper--and lashes them to two of the bunks in the next room. Then she sits down to take a rest. She’s on very low health. 

Grif: While this is happening I run to Taveau and drag him back into the room and lay him down. 

DM: You know you have a small medical facility here? *points it out on the map* 

Grif: Then never mind, I’m dragging him there. 

Rralwarr and Midkrarr follow with Talwarra. As we all pass the display, we see that another ship has entered their airspace. It’s not Alderaanian police. However, it doesn’t appear to be Death Watch backup, either, as it launches a missile into the other freighter, destroying it, before touching down in front of the bunker. 

After getting Talwarra and Taveau set up in the clinic, Grif rushes to the still-sealed panel to talk to his dad, while Rralwarr returns to guarding the door. 

Grif: Dad!! (he’s breathless, gasping a little, and he sounds high on adrenaline. He’s laughing a little, too. I’m reminded that M is an actor, and a damn good one.) We did it, we got 2 prisoners, the rest are dead and right now Rralwarr’s guarding the door! 

Welkonna: Thank the Force you’re OK. I should have kept you in here with me. 

Grif: DAD!! :D I KILLED TWO OF THEM!! 

Welkonna, who’s been watching the security cam feed: I know. I never wanted you to get into this kind of life, but it seems that choice is beyond me. Now come, let’s treat the Wookiees and your friend.

Baron Welkonna gets himself un-trapped and goes to tend to the wounded. 

DM: Grif, on the display, you see, approaching the door, a Mandalorian--

M, assuming it’s the black-armored mystery man we keep running into: SONUVA-- 

DM: --In sand-colored armor. 

M: ?? WHAT!

DM: And then he looks directly into the camera--which should be completely concealed--and says “Hello! Seems like you’ve done some impressive work here. Could I, maybe... talk to you? I have some information you might find rather valuable.” 

Grif heads back to the door to discuss their options with Rralwarr, who’s starting to crash. Rralwarr’s take is “Well if he shot the other guys, let’s see what he has to say.” He’s still incredibly wary. Grif convinces him to lower his bowcaster as they head up in the turbolift, but he keeps it ready. 

DM: The doors open, and you see the Mandalorian standing in front of you. He’s slightly below average height, wearing scuffed, kind of sand-gold armor. “...Colored kind of like my Camry, actually,” says the DM. “He’s wearing Camry-colored armor. You notice a familiar-looking silvery flute hanging from his belt.” 

M, remembering that the black-armored Mandalorian murdered someone with a sharpened flute in one of their earlier adventures: SONUVA--so it IS the same guy!! 

DM: This isn’t the same guy. He’s shorter. His voice is more easygoing, rather than the clipped, aristocratic tones of the black-armored Mandalorian. He’s standing with his palms out in a gesture of non-confrontationality.

H: Rralwarr stands by the door and lets Grif do the talking.

Camry-armored man: So you’re still alive, then. Kandosii! You must be special indeed, not everyone gets a death watch assassin squad sent after them. Those damn shabuire... Mm. My name’s Mij Galmar. 

DM: He takes off his helmet, there’s a slight hiss of decompression. You see the face of a man in his late 40s-early 50s, dirty blonde hair greying around the edges. He has a face that would have been handsome in his youth but has met with a few fists since then; he’s got a squashed, broken nose.

Rralwarr takes this as a decent sign of trust and lowers his guard.

Grif goes for a handshake. “Grif Welkonna! Nice to meet you, sir.”

Mij: Rather impressive what you did there, son. Or what I’m assuming you did. I don’t know what their current numbers are, but used to be a squad was 8 men. 

Grif and Rralwarr look at each other in sudden paranoia. 

They take Mij back down with them in the turbolift, and when the doors open Rralwarr leaves at a sprint, heading back towards the medbay. 

Mij: What’s his rush?

Grif: you said 8? 6 came after us.

Mij shrugs. “Maybe 2 stayed in the freighter. Or their numbers have gone down. Death Watch has only recently made a resurgence, they’re not up to full strength; 6 was probably all they had.” 

Grif: I hope you’re right. You’ll understand our concern, though. We’ve been having trouble with these guys.

Mij: Have you, now?

Grif, being Grif, decides to roll a Charisma, and nat 20s it.

Grif: Yeah, so, what do you know about these guys? I’d like to know what their deal is.

DM: Mij gives you an appraising look. “I guess you could call me a patriot, though Death Watch would say that they’re the patriots. They’re really nothing more than criminals. I like to think of the days when we had honor, but Death Watch remembers the times when our name struck fear at a mere mention. We thought they were dead at Galadran, but it seems they’re back, and they’ve used the civil war as an opportunity to make some powerful friends. 

Grif: That’s unfortunate. Sounds like a problem for you guys.

Mij: It’s a problem for those of us who know. We Mandos typically keep to ourselves.

Grif: I mean, I guess that makes sense if you’re gonna have the kind of problems you do. Besides, considering the kind of warriors you make, I’d expect that you want to keep your secrets close. 

Mij: Look at you, already thinking like a Mando. So how many of you were there? I’m guessing you and your friend didn’t fight off the Death Watch by yourselves.  

Grif: Yes, we had a couple bodyguards with us as well, and another friend.

Mij: I see. Have they fared well, did any of them die?

Grif: Well, I mean, we had a few problems, some of them are getting patched up for minor injuries. But everyone should be right as rain in a few minutes. (Deception roll: 32)

Mij: You know what, considering what I’ve seen today I believe you. But, if you ever need help, I am a doctor.

Party: OH, THANKS, GRIF!

M: I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE SAFE I DIDN’T WANT HIM TO THINK WE WERE COMPLETELY DEFENSELESS

Grif: ...I mean, we would take some medpacs, if you have some to spare. 

Mij: Oh? Everyone’s OK, but you want medpacs? 

Grif: Yes but we used up a lot of medpacs, and now we’re a bit low. I mean, they came through our “impenetrable” door; that makes me a bit nervous.

Mij: I respect that. 

Meanwhile, Rralwarr finds Baron Welkonna, who grabs him and asks why the display feed shows his son sitting on the couch with a strange Mandalorian. Rralwarr is really starting to struggle against the fatigue now, coming down from berserker mode is worse than an adrenaline crash. 

Rralwarr: There’s... a sandpaper armor Mandalorian, out there... He shot the freighter, he took off his helmet as a gesture of trust, now he’s on our couch. 

Baron Welkonna: Will my son never learn! 

H: Rralwarr is actually a little bit loopy. 

DM: Yeah, I’ll bet. Medrull is going to lie down and take a rest in the bunk room, keeping an eye on the prisoners. And Baron Welkonna is going to go see what Grif’s up to. 

H: Rralwarr goes with him. 

Grif, seeing them come in: Heyyy! Who brought in the army? 

Rralwarr slumps against the wall, exhausted. Mij takes a look at him, then at Grif, and goes “right as rain, huh? Don’t worry about it kid, I respect the effort.” He stands and extends his hand to Baron Welkonna with a slight bow. 

Welkonna: Thank you for the service you did us in taking down that freighter. But if you’ll forgive me a bit of paranoia, considering what we’ve just come through, it is a bit suspicious that you showed up just now. 

Mij: Understandable, and I’ll be honest. I’ve been hunting these guys, I take my targets where I can find them. 

Welkonna: Ah. So you’re a bounty hunter. 

Mij: Sometimes. I prefer to think of myself as a doctor, really. 

(Party: HE SAID IT AGAIN) 

Welkonna: I... see. (sigh) This, the whole series of events the past week has been surreal. First my wife and now the attack on what I thought was a safe house. 

Mij: Wait, your wife? 

He looks between Grif and Baron Welkonna, noting the similarity, and the way that everyone’s gotten rather quiet. He looks back at Grif. 

Mij: ...They killed his mom? 

H: Rralwarr is grumbling in the corner about it. 

Mij: Shab, these... They’re going after kids now. I can’t believe... How did you attract the ire of Death Watch? They’re brutal, but usually not random. 

Grif gives him the short version of our Hypori adventure, concluding with “We’re not sure why they’re this angry, but maybe when one of our friends wakes up he can talk to you.” 

(Me: Hey, good question, am I conscious now? 

DM: You’re semiconscious. You still can’t move.)

Mij: I see. Would you like me to treat him? 

(Me, OOC, wanting Taveau to LIVE: Grif? Grif. Swallow your pride, Grif. 

M: It’s not pride! I’m just not sure we can trust him--)

Rralwarr: Yes. 

Grif: ... Yes. Thank you. 

They glance in on the prisoners and Medrull first. Medrull has stripped the dead and prisoners of their Wookiee pelts, planning to give them a proper burial later. Mij looks at them and comments “Aah, that’s how you did it. They should’ve known better than to wear their blasted Wookiee pelts.” 

Then he checks on Taveau and Talwarra. Talwarra is still unconscious, but should live. 

DM: He feels for broken bones, checks your eyes for concussion, makes sure you don’t have any untreated injuries and injects a stimulus. You come back. 

Mij: Aah, welcome back to the land of the living. Just a word of advice: you may want to lay off the rum, brother. It’ll increase your life expectancy. 

Taveau: ?? Whhhh I just met you huuh how did dyou know ?? 

(M: He’s a doctor, I think he can tell when your blood is 50% rum. 

DM: Yeah, Mij has seen alcoholics before.) 

Rralwarr leans right down to the cot and gives Taveau a massive bear hug. Let me repeat. Whom does this massive furry tank teammate give a hug to? Yes, Taveau, who was near-lethally shot half an hour before, and is still covered in bandages. 

Taveau: AAAGH! Um, hey. 

Grif: Careful! 

Taveau, who appreciated the gesture (though startling and painful), manages to give Rralwarr’s arm-fur a squeeze before he releases him. Grif, opting to not damage him more, ruffles his hair. 

Grif: It’s OK. This guy is a friend. 

Mij: Mij Galmar. You feel awake enough to explain what’s going on? Your friends told me I should talk to you. 

Taveau: Uh... 

Grif: Actually, hey, guys, if you wouldn’t mind giving me and Taveau a moment alone? We have some stuff to talk over. 

And the adults politely leave, except for the unconscious Wookiee on the bed next to Taveau, and Rralwarr, who slumps down on the floor against the supply cabinets. 

Grif: OK, here’s the thing. I think we can trust Mij, I think he can help us.

Taveau: He’s... when did he get here? How long has it been?? 

Grif: Not long, you’ve only been unconscious maybe half an hour. Less, I’d say. 

Taveau: Huh. Ok. 

Grif:  Mij wants to know why Death Watch is interested in you. But if you don’t want to tell him, I understand--

Taveau: Nah. If telling him will help us, I’ll do it. 

Taveau sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed in a sloppy attempt at standing up. Grif catches him and helps him get up without further injuring himself, and supports him as he walks to the door. 

Taveau: We won, though? 

Grif: Yeah! Oh, yeah, we won! *with immense pride* Actually, I killed two of them! 

Taveau: Yeah? Kandosii. 

Grif: Kk?? Kah, um, kendasi to you, too. 

DM: Hey, are you saying this out loud? 

Me, instantly on edge bc that’s a Things Are About to Happen DM Question: ??? yes?? 

DM: Can everyone hear you? 

Me: ...We’re right in the doorway at this point so yeah, everyone should be able to hear me. 

DM: ah :) 

Me: What? What Happens

DM: Mij hears you say this. He looks over at you quickly, then says, in Mando’a, “You speak Mando’a?” 

Taveau: lek

(DM: ??? 

Me: ....ye. * ’lek is a shortened form of elek which is yes so it’s like going ‘ye’ or ‘yeah’ but DM either couldn’t tell the difference between ‘lek’ and ‘I just muffled a burp’ or doesn’t know that*)

DM: Alright, Mij looks intensely at you for a moment, and sort of flares his nostrils as he takes a deep breath. 

Mij: Let me guess. You were just a kid, weren’t you? 

Taveau: 

Taveau, struggling against all odds (and against his earlier resolve) to not have his backstory brought up again even though it’s happening anyway, and doing an extremely bad job of feigning innocence: ....scuse me?

Mij: Death Watch could never get enough people to join their crazy scheme, so to fill up the ranks they’d take the children of loyal members. 

Taveau, still trying to pretend he’s not an open book: How do you know this? 

Mij: If you mean how do I know that’s what happened--you know the language, and you look like you’ve seen some stuff. As to how I know about it, I’ve seen it, I grew up there. It almost happened to me. But I got out. 

Taveau, with a faint touch of both bitterness and respect in his voice: Good on you. 

Mij: How’d you get out? 

Taveau: Faked my death, but obviously I didn’t do a very good job. 

Mij: They saw you with these others on Hypori. 

Taveau: Yeah. 

Mij: That explains it, then. Death Watch doesn’t want to let go once they have something, and they’ll go to a lot of effort to show that they still own you. 

Taveau, remembering how they treated (attempted) deserters in his day, just nods. They don’t want to let someone be a bad example. 

Mij switches back to Basic, addressing everyone in the room. 

Mij:  *sigh* Alright. I’ll give it to you straight. Death Watch is coming back. They have no real concern with Alderaan, or the Republic, or really anywhere outside of Mandalore for now; but they’re desperate to re-establish themselves somewhere. That fight on Hypori made them angry, but they don’t have the manpower to attack the Republic, so they’ve decided to pick on you. You’re an easier target. And once they’ve decided that someone is their enemy, they don’t forget easily. I think, if the three of you that they’re after leave this planet, they won’t bother the rest of your family, but they’re going to keep hunting you. Now, I’m no big fan of the Republic, but we’ll fare no better under the Seps, and especially not with Death Watch in power, so I’ve made it my mission to hunt them. 

Grif: Mij? 

DM: He looks up at you. 

Grif: Could you guys use a courier? 

Mij: I was hoping you’d say something like that. I’m putting together a small operation... 

(me: DOCTOR PUN) 

Mij: and I know... I know that Val would call me soft for this, and I’m probably sounding too much like Skirata, but I can’t stand it when they go after kids. I can’t promise you safety, I can’t promise you much protection, but I can promise you a way to fight back, and to learn to stand on your own feet and fight for yourself. You’ll have to leave this place, and you may never come back. It’s bas'lan shev'la, a strategic disappearance. But unless you want to go your own way, on the run from these guys for who knows how long... 

Baron Welkonna has a grave look on his face. There are tears glistening in his eyes. 

Welkonna: I never wanted this for you, son. I should never have let you leave, but this is the life you’ve started for yourself. I’ll protect you if I can, but I know that you resent having guards around you all the time. And you’ve shown that despite your impulsiveness you take care of yourself. You can stand on your own.

Gears have been turning in Taveau’s head while this is going on.  Mij doesn’t think Death Watch is interested in Grif’s family. Death Watch is only tangentially interested in Grif and Rralwarr, for their accidental association in a battle on Hypori. What Taveau is painfully aware of at the moment is that Death Watch wants him; terrifying enough if he were alone, but now his presence here is endangering this peaceful family. 

He steps forward before anyone else can speak. 

Taveau: For my part, I’ll go with you, at least as long as it takes to get out of this system. 

He turns back towards the Welkonnas and Rralwarr and hesitates. 

Taveau: I wasn’t here long, but... thank you... for accepting me into your home. 

Grif turns to Rralwarr to discuss his own options. 

Grif: right now, I want to go.It’s the best chance for keeping our family safe, and... I don't hate them anymore, but I will do what I can to fight them. If you go with me, then I’ll go, but only if you stay by my side.

H: ...I’m just trying to figure out how Rralwarr would react to this--is there some Wookiee gesture to express that Grif is family and anything else would be unthinkable? 

DM: I think a hug would suffice. 

Rralwarr sweeps Grif up into a hug of affirmation. Grif leaves the floor. Grif, upon being released, turns to Mij with a grin. 

Grif: alright, you’ve got me, and you’ve got my uncle Rralwarr here--

Rralwarr: I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT IN PUBLIC

Grif:--and one of the best pilots in the galaxy.

Taveau steps forward and slaps his hand down solidly on Grif’s shoulder. He’s the closest he’s come yet to outright grinning. 

Taveau: Grif.  ...Don’t lie so much.

Grif: ?? what? No? I was... actually telling the truth...? 

(H, laughing: Charisma check on Taveau to make him believe!!)

The conversation turns to what we’re going to do with the prisoners, and Mij offers to ‘take them off our hands’. Grif asks Mij what he’d do with them. 

“Oh, strip them, interrogate them, and depending on the day, maybe see if we can’t propel them into the nearest sun.” 

Grif tells how he convinced the last man standing to surrender (a not very typically Death Watch thing to do) and Mij just sort of does an ‘I’m not surprised’ grunt. “There’s always a few hut’uune in the ranks.” 

(Fun etymology time, the Mandalorians have such an intense dislike for the Hutts that their word for ‘coward’, aka The Worst serious insult, is derived from their name.) 

Midkrarr asks if the bodyguards may see to the prisoners themselves, or at least get some things straightened out before giving them to Mij. Mij responds without waiting for a translation. 

Mij: Far be it from me to stand in the way of Wookiee justice! Try to leave the heads attached, but I don’t really care about the arms, they just get in the way. 

Rralwarr, still very lethargic, is taken aback that Mij understands Shyriiwook, but after a moment just replies:

Rralwarr: OK. They had pelts. We have... a special procedure... for ones who take pelts. 

Mij: Would you like to borrow my scalpel? Nice bit of Mandalorian iron. 

Rralwarr passes, but Midkrarr snatches it up with a pleased look and goes off towards the bunk room. Mij calls after her 

“Leave them able to talk... please?” 

Finally, Mij takes out his comlink and makes a call to someone. 

“Jang, we’ve got some new friends. Yeah, just two kids. And a Wookiee. Yes I knew you were going to say that. Where is Kal anyway? Nah, they had it taken care of by the time I got down here, they’re not completely helpless. Six, this time. *sigh* Yes, you can have their gloves.” 

Masterpost 

[moonchildhcs]

parkjin hcs!

high school au! uwu

okay all of yall are different ages with woojin, chan, minho, and changbin in their last year, the 00 line in their middle year, and jeongin in his first year (with u and persi)

yall are taking,,, drum roll please,,,

art 1 !

listen. these mad lads went straight for their music and dance which  is FINE but mandatory one year of art so yall are in a class together! strange,,, but that is the class all eleven of yall share and its,, fairly chaotic

well, mostly because of the crackheads (you, felix, minho, and jisung) who congregated in the back corner and get kicked out three times a week for their antics but like. the rest of yall are chillin and are good diligent students !

well,

for the most part

see the thing is,,

you get your stuff done all the time !! in fact youre probably among the first to turn their stuff in !! like WOWZA ur fast

but, that, is, because, u, want, maximum, time, to, daydream, about,,,,

HYUNJIN

you never really interact with him because hes an uppcerclassman and hes got his friend group and stuff and ur best buds with the Crackheads ! but like. hes so CUTE and SOFT and TALENTED like truly... an ideal boyfie

and your friends make fun of you ALL THE TIME ! like.. you finished your work and youre goofing off with the mad lads in the corner and then jisung will nudge you and go “oOoOoO he glanced in our direction i wonder what that could mean”

and ur like. we are. so loud. the loudest ppl in the class. hes probably a lil annoyed but on the inside ur like “WEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOO” like ur having an internal meltdown bc dance god visual god just looked in your direction

but then the teacher comes by and ur head goes down a wee bit and you add some finishing touches to ur project as the teacher bags on the rest of the Crackhead Squad for goofing off in class and theyre asked to step outside and take a breather and once they think they can behave they can return to class

which MEANS they aint comin back

so you take this opportunity of Tranquility to do your fave activity ...

daydream abt ur crush and stare at the back of his head wistfully ! and its real cute and wholesome and stuff and like

when he turns to ask woojin about something for the project you see the lil mole under his eye and the sunlight catches his soft hair just right and ur just losing it because hes SO SOFT like bitch what the absolute fuck !! why did god pop off so hard making him

and then... It Happens

youre gazing at him, lost in space as you daydream about holding his hand and going on ice cream dates, he turns around to ask woojin something again and as he does so Yall Make Eye Contact and you FREAK

not externally but internally youre literally on fire and you dont know what to do

so out of instinct you do a quick peace sign and he gives you a little smile and then goes to do what he intended to do (ask woojin how the hell ur supposed to paint this)

and youre LOSING IT like not only did he acknowledge you but HE SMILED AT YOU!! HOLY SHIT !! BITCH WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD

youre lowkey hyperventilating but its fine because class ends and its your last period so you pack up your bags and head out to walk home with lix, jisung, and minho!! and theyre like wiggling their eyebrows at you and you KNOW theyll tease you but. you need to share this interaction.

and lemme tell you THEY LOSE IT TOO!!! bc hyunjin is a Shy Lad there is no way he caught you looking at him and let it pass !! he had to like you theres no way he didnt NOT like you yknow??? it is Out Of His Character he usually ignores that stuff

and ur like haha no guys its not that deep !! but internally ur freaking out Because Oh MY God What If It Is That Deep so you decide,, to hatch a plan to confess

and the thing is,,, IT IS THAT DEEP

hyunjin is lowkey losing it because. he usually Minds His Own Business and he knows hes popular among people for being cute but ur just. so funny and cute and wholesome and oh wow is his heart beating a lil fast?

YES IT IS !! and hes like u know what?? heck it ILL CONFESS and hope she likes me and this wasnt a coincidence hhhh

so. yall are hatching your plans to confess

hyunjin goes to persi, resident Secret Holder for the laid ease, and reveals that you like nice bright flowers !! like roses, sunflowers, orchids!!! and that you really like pretzels and chocolate almonds uwu

and you go to seungmin and jeongin, who reveal that hyunjin loves forget-me-nots! and he has an affinity for strawb milk and the golden oreos!!!

the thing is,, yall are kinda cliche. like,,, shoujo manga kinda cliche. so if it isnt obvious already yall are hatching THE SAME CONFESSION  PLAN HHHHH YALL ARE SO C U T E

so yall draft letters upon letters, spilling your hearts out in its contents ! 

hyunjins letter is pure white, smelling a bit like his cologne ! it has no marks on it or anything

your letter is light pink and smells like your perfume! its closed with a red heart sticker uwu

yall slip a little note onto each others desk asking to meet each other on the rooftop and ur both like FUCK I HOPE THEY COME EARLY SO I CAN REJECT THEM BEFORE THE PERSON I ACTUALLY LIKE COMES

because,, since yall dont interact much yall dont recognize the others handwriting sgfgfdghf literally dumb bitch hours

anyways yall both SPRINT to that rooftop after school but you were nervous so you got a pep talk from ur friends, the lads, before going up

so once again, yall dont realize. that you have. the same plan.

so hyunjin is waiting there all nervous HOPING youll come first and not whoever else planned on confessing

and youre sprinting up the stairs, hoping whoever planned on confessing wasnt there yet but hyunjin is so that you can confess

and as you burst through the door, pink letter in hand, your eyes zoom to the letter in hyunjins hands and ur like. Oh. Oh Dear.

and hyunjin looks at you, then the letter in ur hands like. Oh. Oh Dear. 

so you two shyly exchange letters, faces burning red as you read through the confession 

and the thing is at one point in your letter you mention how it would be a dream to even hold is hand so he just. this absolute cheeseball. he hold your hand and goes “i guess dreams come true!” and you LOSE IT because oh my god hes such a NERD !!!! but now hes your nerd :^)

so yall go to the park afterwards and split your snacks between the two of you, monching and talking until the stars are twinkling and you guys realize FUCK THERES HOMEWORK

so you go home to do your hw! and yall put the flowers in a cute vase, right next to your beds :^) as a reminder ! (though hyunjin presses some of them with the help of his mom so he can preserve them forever oopsies_

and when yall walk onto school the next day hand in hand, hyunjins friends are like “NICE” but also super shocked bc HYUNJIN?? DATING???

but then your friends. your mad lads. absolutely fucking LOSE IT they are hooting and hollering and you are like Oh My God I Am So Sorry and hyunjin just. does a lil smirk and kisses ur cheek and u are sent into SHOCK and your friends are in cardiac arrest because holy fucking SHIT

and you two are literally the school’s it couple like initially some people were hostile because they wanted to date hyunjin !! but after a while they accepted it and grew to love the both of yall together, from your wholesome interactions to slight crackheadedness

its just so CUTE he always brings you like a rose or smth every day and ur like “this must be expensive” and hes like ! “for you, nothing is expensive” and ur like “ur so cheesy” and hes like “only for you bb :^)”

also now your side of the class has merged with hyunjin and his friends now joining yall crackheads and its cute uwu

[beverlyr0ad]

crimes of grindelwald thoughts

alright obvious spoilers not that it matters bc i have one follower lmao but !! i need somewhere to scream abt this movie

first of all i love jacob and newt so much. best parts of this movie honestly i love them and i want them to be happy 

but to be fair i actually rlly rlly enjoyed watching this movie!! like,, there are a looot of things i dont understand about it and i have no idea how they happened or why theyre happening but thats Okay i would still recommend everyone watch it! its so good!!!

good things:

- grindelwald !! i mean,, no hes not a good thing but i really liked how they wrote his character. like i can UNDERSTAND the power he has over people and how hes manipulating them. hes really not just a Voldemort 2.0 and i respect that a lot bc thats not what an entirely different villain should be like. but casting issues and all aside i really liked this

- i also liked the interaction between leta lestrange and dumbledore that was some good stuff and the actors were rlly good too !!! - i like the direction queenie is going in. i mean i dont actually of course but it seems realistic and i think its important and its good character development n stuff so hhh hope that works out later tho !! i am Suspense

- jacob walked into that movie and i was like !!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDD i love him so much and it was rlly nice to see him back even if i dont think it was that neat to have him lose his memory of everything that happened for significance and in this movie have everything go like WHOOMP hes back but i uhhhh loved it anyway so this is not a complaint its a good thing - i still loved newt and having a good main character makes the whole movie a better watch in general. ive seen sequels where i just Cant get attatched to the new characters but wow i didnt really have much of a problem with that here

- it was also never boring and i really just loved n enjoyed this movie a lot!!!  okay hhh bad things/things that i personally disliked:

- ive seen different opinions on this but??? what was that blood pact????? what are u doing??????????????? i cant even be coherent properly so here are the main reasons that was rlly dumb

1- w-who does that in a romantic relationship ever :o and yes jkr has literally said dumbledore n grindelwald were in LOVE HELLO feel free to correct me if im wrong on anything but if ur gonna say it u should show it,,,, Continuity Please. anyway separate issue but if u love someone youre not gonna be like “hey lets make SURE we dont fight each other ever” because youll trust that the other person?? isnt gonna fight u???!!!???? im

2- thats literally not the reason he “cannot move against grindelwald” okay like it shouldnt be. this conversation literally happens in dh and dumbledore says he was scared of facing what rlly happened when ariana died!! there was no actual physical thing stopping him!!! the only acceptable justification is that he doesnt want to face this ghosts of his past and that moment and he is SCARED okay so COME ON give dumbledore his faults! hes scared of his past and that IS the reason!!

3- wait how did grindelwald, aberforth, and albus fight if they had already entered a blood pact. like i dont think albus would aim for his own brother EVER but could he even attack grindelwald if they had a blood pact?? not sure how this works lol but who was he aiming for then??? just firing everywhere randomly without intention cause that sounds,,, significantly harder to believe and makes that scene loads messier esp if grindelwald couldnt aim for albus either so

4- the blood pact was so frickin unnecessary im sobbing. like there was the scene where its all like “oh some say you were as close as brothers” and dumbledore is like “oh we were closer than brothers...” and im like OK! the little scene in the air doesnt explicitly reveal anything either so thats ok but the closer than brothers line was rlly revealing for me. at least for like two minutes and then dumbledore looked in the mirror and saw himself making a blood pact w grindelwald. like ok is That what u meant by closer than brothers bc thats what everythings pointing to but it shouldnt be and i.............ugh

5- im honestly just kind of hhhhhhhhhhhh. i can concede that the blood pact might be significant in later films and i look forward to watching them! but. at the same time i. wish that if you were going to say dumbledore was gay it would actually be explicitly referenced in the movie, instead of dancing around that and dropping it in hints and pieces that fans of the series who know this information will understand and others can just dismiss as friendship! there were So Many good places in this movie to include this fact (altho feel free to disagree w me haha) and i think that not including this fact was honestly tiring.

- nagini...........obv this isnt a huge problem bc idk where her story will go next n it might develop n become important but as of rn, i have no idea what her role in this movie is. i wonder if her reappearance in the harry potter series will actually be of significance and if itll be explained how she will end up under servitude to voldemort bc i genuinely dont understand right now. it just seems like a cameo to draw attention in the trailer ghgdjh

- leta lestrange’s death didnt feel right or impactful and im sad . definitely a huge opinion here but it felt like a mandatory character snuff to make the movie sad and ghdsjgfh oh well :(

- little continuity issues?? dumbledore being DADA professor instead of transfiguration bc Boggarts Are Important For Foreshadowing. also how is mcgonagall an adult or actually how is she even alive and um of course the fact that this movie doesnt confirm what jkr has said about dumbledore and grindelwald beforehand. 

- im actually going to totally repeat myself bc this deserves a separate point umm why arent dumbledore and grindelwald actually shown as in love with each other as young men. its completely relevant to the movie and its not hard to put it in there instead of the bLOOD PACT (ask anyone irl ive been screaming abt the blood pact ever since i came out of that movie). anyway i know david yates said he wouldnt be including that as part of the movie as fans are aware of that aNyway but its not that hard to understand. people are asking for actual representation?? not smt vague??? because this is just here to Please People. if u refuse to see this ship, ure just gonna see them as having a friendship! maybe u havent heard about what jkr said or maybe ure choosing to ignore it bc,, idk that says smt about u, or maybe another reason idk! but if u go into this knowing they were In Love and hoping to see confirmation of dumbledore being canonically gay, youre going to hear that “oh, we were more than brothers” line and be like oh yeah we been knew, or more seriously like hey! maybe we’re getting a canon confirmation, not just floaty young people leaning towards each other! like when he looked in the mirror i was like okay This Is It this is gna be confirmation but then it wasnt oop. it was the !!! bloooood paaact !!! which means that people could interpret the “closer than brothers” line as meaning oh we done did a blood pact that means we blood related look at us go! Wow! so this is basically just a half azzed attempt at pleasing people w stereotypical viewpoints and people happy to see representation. hmmmmmmmmmm.. (psst if u actually ship older dumbledore n grindelwald tho What Are You Doing Stop !! thats not a healthy relationship, grindelwald is an awful person and dumbledore deserves to grow from the person he was before!!! he deserves so much better!!! im not saying to ship them but im saying that if we’re gonna say they were in love as young men and if we are going to confirm that dumbledore is gay well,,, lets put that in canon pls!!!! we need canon representation but we dont need to pretend this ship is healthy or good bc its representation either. this isnt shipping this is asking to acknowledge that dumbledore was gay and in love with grindelwald and its confirmed that grindelwald was in love with him too. in the place the story of tcog is now, that relationship is not ever going to happen again and if u actually think it is ure suffering from some next-level delusion. just be definitive and acknowledge that your characters are LGBT tho pls!! u said they were!!! actually i would be so much happier to see a Happy And Healthy LGBT Pairing can we have that? please?)

- big spoiler but hOW IS CREDENCE ALBUS’ BROTHER WHAT IS HAPPENING DKFJDKSH i need to separate my thoughts again

1- AGE DIFFERENCE........apparently dumbledore is like 46 in this movie right?? credence doesnt look over 20. okay percival dumbledore is put in azkaban before albus starts school right?? so the maximum age albus can be is 11. now im gonna say that kendra was not having any more kids w anyone else after that incident fs so the oldest albus can be when ariana is born is 12, leaving room for some other stuff okay. ALBUS AND CREDENCE DONT LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE A 12 YEAR AGE GAP WHAT IS HAPPENINF

2- i saw people theorizing that credence is ariana’s son and NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO PLS NO

3- not an actual issue but i thought grindelwald said his name was berrylius dumbledore which i later remembered as berrylium dumbledore and anyway thank god for the internet

4- okay at this point i cant tell if this has just been brought in for shock value or smt like. is this relevant to the plot. is grindelwald even telling the truth. w-why did the movie end there. help....... i think thats it but i do want to say that i respect the rights of the creator jkr to do whatever she wants w these characters. its her world! but i can have a whole bunch of opinions n feelings about this movie and still support it. after all, i love harry potter and the whole wizarding world w my whole heart. 

did anyone even read that LOOOL that was so long sorry

[saints-row-2]

film watch day 24: The Endless

woops another film ive already seen. well i never said id only do new film really, so whos law am i breaking? no court will convict me.

The Endless is about two brother, Justin and Aaron, who escaped a ‘ufo death cult’ ten years ago as teenagers. motivated by a strange video tape the cult seemingly sent them, the brothers return to the cult to confront their past.

The Endless stars, was written by, produced by, directed by, edited by and shot by Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead. its truly about as fucking indie as it gets. and frankly that makes the film what it is; if this was some big-budget affair, the soul would get drained out of it and it would be a pretty ok sci-fi horror. but as it is, The Endless is a film that is kind of incredible and its origins are part of that. this was a movie made with real creativity and passion, and that shines through.

not that any of this is to say The Endless isnt a good movie. The Endless is good. its smart and creative and funny and very sincerely heartfelt. its a bizarre sci-fi with a good concept and enough heart at its core to have you really care about the story. the issues in it -- control, agency, the way we unintentionally isolate ourselves from people -- feel authentic, and the film is occasionally has really poignant things to say.

one of my favourite things about this movie is that, as the fiction and the imagery grow weirder, the characters themselves remain grounded and lowkey. their struggles remain personal and understandable. they are people looking for a place in a world where living is harsh, or are trying to help a friend, trying to protect each other. they dont have time to poetic about their situations in a way only characters in movies that really really want to be deep are; theyre just people, trying to survive. 

the imagery in the film is great, too. its weird and beautiful without being cliché or over-the-top. theres a lot of really stunning scenes, moments of just high strangeness that give the film a quality reminiscent of a slow, creeping nightmare. the horror at the heart of The Endless isnt shocking or violent, its a kind of waking terror that demands you think and empathise with the situation of the characters. 

i thought a lot about what i was going to say about this movie, how was i going to justify recommending The Endless so passionately when its not a perfect movie? and its not a perfect movie, no film is perfect except for 2015′s Mad Max Fury Road, but the film is interesting. its original. its unique. and i have a hell of a lot of love in my heart for films that try to do things that are different, even when those films end up being shit, and The Endless isnt shit. its really good. so fuck it, watch the movie. its a fucking cool film with weird shit happening and maybe you wont understand all of it but the fact that i came out of the film feeling like it had things to say, in the face of a million movies that just dont, is enough of a recommendation on its own.

[foolgobi65]

OMG I love this meme!: “Alright, I’ve given you one week to sit here all holed up but it is absolutely time to get back to your work!” to "Avantika knows that she’s missed something, but watches Shivu nod and sigh as his mother walks out of the hut" from Chapter 6 of nayaki

ok oh!! ok ok lets do this. 

first: here’s chapter 6   http://archiveofourown.org/works/11574489/chapters/28560112

so basically this is the introduction of sanga, who is clearly the head of the village – if anything i’d say her husband is gearing up to be the next spiritual leader. i wanted to portray her as someone kind and loving but also with an air of authority about her. canon sanga is unfortunately ignored, but i think in my iteration its going to be a little more difficult for shivu to ignore her. 

she calls avantika gorgeous because tammanah is very beautiful and that’s a classic aunty thing to say about a pretty girl your son is in love with. we see that avantika doesn’t see herself as someone attractive, mostly because that’s not something she was raised valuing. at her core she clearly enjoys beautiful things: i can see her finding a lot of joy through pretty flowers and sunrises and silks that she eventually sees devasena wearing. but that’s all a little later. for now she just looks at herself and thinks that she’s ugly and that’s a shame. sanga disrupts this a little. 

(there will obviously be no scene where shivu makes her “beautiful.” if there is a scene like that it will be wth avantika’s full consent and the other person will be a woman helping her to blend in with mahishmati people. the most shivu will ever go is maybe, with her consent, doodle a little temporary tattoo. ON BOTH OF THEM. ) 

ok also this is so nitpicky but part of avantika’s characterization is the idea that  the resistance owns nothing. everything they are and everything they have is for the struggle, so the idea that sanga calls shivu avantika’s is shocking to her. if they own anything at all its extremely precious, maybe heirlooms of remembrance so again sanga calling shivu avantika’s is wild bc avantika is a stranger – its so trusting of sanga from her perspective. 

i feel like relationships in the resistance are very.. temporary just because everyone probably dies a lot of the time. they’re also probably super loose just because … well people are dying and in times like that they have sex. people’s lives are their mission so real steady relationships are probably things for Kuntala Before. there’s an argument for using this as a way to allow avantika and shivu to have a sexual relationship early on in the narrative arc but i think that’s less than ideal because i want them as friends and equals before they muddy everything with romance and sex. avantika has seen so little of the world, and i just feel like there’s an unequal power dynamic so they’re going to be good friends and equals and then they’re probably going to kiss right before the big battle. honestly, avantika calling shivu a friend is probably the bigger character development. 

shivu just thinks avantika is nice and pretty and is really embarrassed by his mom right now. he probably doesnt date a lot because… i kind of see him as someone well liked but not with any real close friends. his strength keeps his apart, and my shivu is desperate to see the wider world because there has to be something .. more out there. the next chapter is basically the village singing “stick to the status quo” and shivu being like … bruh … please let me find lumber to fix ur roof properly …. let me sell our stuff outside of our community ….. i am Tired of eating fish with every meal …. (he also wants to find people as strong as he is, people he isnt afraid to break.) 

the big difference btw canon and my shivu is that he actually does enjoy helping people out and his sole purpose in life is not to climb the waterfall but just ... idk figure shit out so that he can continue helping people better. so when sanga tells him that people are starting to get suspicious he really does take that seriously because he’s going to be the next chief and he needs to be aware of perceptions -- he wants to deserve his role not just age into it. 

i debated between avantika not knowing anything about sex and her just treating sex as something super natural and went with the second because infantilizing her in that way was a big thumbs down. if shivu asked, avantika would be very direct about sex but couching it in terms of “for your own pleasure” probably go over avantika’s head. the fun part about these two is that for me i see them as people aware of sex but also for their own reasons not really into romance/sex because they’ve each been focused on other bigger things. and now they’ve finally found someone outside of their usual worlds and they think the other is beautiful and amazing and now its like ... they’re both discovering A Whole New World 

.... i think this is it? if anyone wants 2 talk to me about nayaki plot past present or future please send me an ask or message im dying 2 talk about this ridiculous rewrite because there’s so much plot and im just .... diverging from the real script now for no reason at all lol. 

Thanks @avani008 I hope u like this ??? im not even sure if this is how I was supposed to do it I just rambled and went off on weird tangents love u!!!

[smilecake]

Hello Dear. I have a few question that im dying to know and as Im not sure if you're gonna continue with 'comfort' I hope you can answer these :) So, we know Jk is a fuckboy and its a little hard to break out of that 'habit' of sleeping around and stuff and he apparently doesnt like commitment/gfs (as we saw his face fall when Y/N called herself his gf) but HOW and WHEN did he realize her likes her in a different, pure way? He told her he likes her, but sleeps around the next day again /1

I love these asks! Thank you for being so sweet and asking so much about the story! 

Actually, Jungkook doesn’t even know that he is madly in love with her, which you will notice in the upcoming chapters. In the beginning, he was only playing with her like he does with any other girl, but as he gets more and more involved with her, he caught himself coming back to her every time he sees her, which makes him quite protective of her, hence the nickname “my baby girl”. He himself doesn’t know why and this is the reason why he doesn’t break his habits. He doesn’t believe in love and he is not planning to commit himself to a relationship any time soon, unless he realizes his true feelings, which can be quite hurtful for Somin, and this story will focus around this problem. (Going to be angsty af :D) 

And was Jungkook ashamed of her? in School, thats why he avoided her in public places and guides her away real fast (to his locker)? AND at the party, Jungkook did see her before he kissed the girl, when he was dancing and Somin and JK made eye contact (again, he looked away real quick. was he still ashamed to be seen with a 'nerd'?) so why did he still kiss the other girl when he KNEW Somin was there? and when hoseok humilated her in front of everyone even before he poured the glass on her /2

Why didnt Jungkook try to stop him even then? He's aware why somin was mad and hurt, not only at hoseok but mostly at him and his actions. Why did he only step up when he poured the drink on her? and the last part was a little shock for me because at the party somin didnt want to drink anything, isnt the type to, but then she's completely wasted and waiting outside her room (how and where did she get the money to buy alcohol from?) I hope i wasnt too annoying with my questions omg but /3

Yes, Jungkook is and will still be a fuckboy, which means he wants to keep his status so he can use it and get all the girls. And of course, being seen with Somin all the time is going to raise questions with some people (especially his friends) and Jungkook definitely wants to avoid that. What happened at the party was sad and wrong of Jungkook, but since he didn’t see Somin as his girlfriend yet, he didn’t consider her feelings that much during that moment, so he doesn’t make a big deal out of kissing another girl. Compared to Somin who believed they were actually dating. So, Somin got hurt, but Jungkook realizes this a bit too late. He believes she was easy and would forgive him, considering Somin being kindhearted and naive, but then Hoseok poured the drink over her (which he did not expect, until it actually happened) and it triggered him when he actually saw how hurt Somin was. When she ran away, Jungkook felt guilty and searched for her everywhere the whole night, resulting him coming home all alone and finding Somin on the ground in front of his door. 

 Yes, you might be surprised by Somin’s behavior. She is kind and sweet and something you wouldn’t expect from her, but deep down, Somin is a girl who longs to break free from the good girl image, but never really had the courage to do so. When she got hurt, her inner self was blaming herself for being too kind and useless and it urged her to be rebellious for the night. It made her want to drink and you know what they say about being drunk ;) So, everything that Somin has been suppressing, including this naughty side of her comes to the surface, which results in some hilarious situations, shocking Jungkook in the process :D 

I pretty much made Jungkook an asshole in this story. He is just all about taking and never giving, but I guess it will change when Somin is going to step up her game and make him pay, starting from chapter 3 :p  

but I just really love this scenario! I really hope you will continue with it ;o; I want to know more about JKs and Somins story and how they'll develop. Or the talk when Somin is sober and remembers the party, what happened with JK and hoseok, realizes that she's been ''played' with and stuff. I honestly wouldnt mind some more angst, guilty feelings and regret and stuff hehehe. Anyway, thank you for writing for us! I hope tumblr didnt eat any of my msgs too ;; i'l look forward to ur answer

You are so sweet ! And sorry for taking so long to answer your ask, I am not fluent in English, which is why I have to take some time to phrase myself properly in which direction I want to go with the characters. But I am sure I will make everything very angsty from now on! And I think I got all of your asks! Luckily, Tumblr is being nice with me, ahha ^^

[softviking]

Ramblings and Personal stuff i carry around for a while now.

So hi. :) This will be a rather personal and potential long post so i will put this under the Read More stuff. Mainly for the very few people who happen to follow me for whatever reason and think “who the hell is that and why should i care.” You dont, i somehow feel like my Tumblr blog is some kind of safe spot...i hate the word but it is true. I dont do too much here on Tumblr, less now because most of my shows and stuff is on hiatus or so...but i feel surprisingly calm and secure when im on tumblr. It feels like i can write stuff down in my blog and get it out of my system...thats the main reason i will write this now. So for those who dont care, this pretty much is the end of a pointless looking Post but actually just the beginning. XD

Either way, have a good day, night, week, month, rest of the year all. Life is hard but you can make it, i believe in you.:)

Well here we go then for me and maybe a few people who are interested in what this weirdo has to say.

The year 2018 has been a really heavy year with a lot of things that happened. Mainly in my life we had two deaths, my uncle and my grandma. My uncles death was more of a shock, grandma dying was more a relief for all. My parents who were day and night there for her in the last difficult few months, relief for her because she is in no pain anymore...it was sad and everybody cried but we knew it was for the best. But before that happened, two good things happened in our life two. First my niece was born...and i cant even find the words to say how much i love this girl and how much laughter and life she brought in our already chaotic family. I never thought i would adore a baby that much. More than that it helped me realise that I AM NOT WORTHLESS. Its probably my biggest flaw, the mindset of thinking that im just a waste of space, that im not good enough no matter how often someone tells me that opposite. I hate that i cant shake this god damn mindset off, that it keeps coming back with every tiny mistake or every little thing i dont do perfect. Seeing how my brother and sister in law, how my family trust me with this tiny little being...helps me a lot. Seeing how this baby is not afraid of me, how she trusts me and how i can make her smile...thats something i never thought could happen to me.

Anyway...second good thing was that my brother got married. Dont know if i wrote this down here but when he first told us about this girl from Albania, we were a bit worried. He is a bit of a simple mind who often does things just out of spite. He didnt made it too easy to trust this whole thing, getting married after just 11 months of knowing, having spent most of their time together online...it causes us a few gray hair. But after having met her a few times and her now staying here for a few months, the girl is family. She is smart, friendly, helps a lot and is in general a really nice person. We get along well. So we have two new family members who will celebrate their first christmas in our family...a good thing.

Here is the thing...There was a lot going on here and there, small and bigger things that made me look at my life. And i realized that while im happy...i want more. Specificly i realized that i want to “socialise” more. I wanna met people, build friendships...find someone to love. For the longest time i was looking for excuses...but i realized those excuses were just because im afraid. Afraid of what could happen...which i realize now isnt as dark as i imagine. The worst that can happen is that people reject me...woho, big deal. Im sure there are a lot of people on this planet who dont like me...its not the end of the world. So i wanna put myself out there more and maybe here...interact more with the Shippers and stuff around here. Its something i didnt do for two reasons mainly...

One: I think im boring and have nothing to say, that all i might have to say is dumb and a waste of time and just bothers people. Getting rid of this mindset is a hard thing, but i will work on it. Number Two...sounds weird but...im a guy. I know Tumblr isnt some man hating place, no matter how often it might look like it. Thats not the case, i know the place has its bad apples but its not as bad as people want to make it out. It has less to do with the people around here and more...yeah im a smartass here, more to do with society. I sometimes feel like as a guy i shouldnt be part of a shipping community, i shouldnt participate in fandoms with mostly women or transgender people or so. Thats completely on me of course...but i dont really know why. Its probably more annoying than anything because its literally the dumbest reason for not doing something that exists. I shouldnt feel like i have no right to talk to other shippers, to squeel when my ships have cute scenes, to cry when the angst is too much or a fanfiction is emotionally so strong that i have tears in my eyes or laugh out loud. Its nothing wrong with being a guy and shipping stuff or with being emotional...hell i just got tears in my eyes when i wrote the part up there about my niece. Its a weird, eye rolling, thinking im probably the dumbest person in the world reason...i know that. And i will get rid of this mindset in my head...if i have to fight and scratch, bark and bite to be a tall guy who cries and ships cute couples, who is soft as a teddy bear and easily to get to laugh...then i will do that. I wanna ship stuff, i wanna be a fanboy, i wanna squeel about two fictional characters being all cute with each other...and i want to do that with others no matter the gender. So now that i have put this out...the last point and the one im currently most scared about. Remember the whole “I wanna put myself out there more” thing? Yeah that is scary. Since i want to become a writer, make money with writing, get many people to enjoy my books etc...i decided to start with making a facebook account. And not just some secret thing or so, no i wanna do it like most people do. Pictures, talking, sharing who i am, what i like and so on. Thats really scary even to think about it, because of the incredible pressure i feel while thinking im just not good enough. But i will do it, i will put myself out there...hoping i can be cheeky and funny...because thats what i am...well at least more so while writing in forums etc than in person. I hope that i can get the attention of people, not only to socialise and make friends...also to sell my book(s)...yeah money rules the world. I want to make money that is true, but i also want to matter you know? I want to sit there and be one day proud because i know that people really enjoyed reading my storys, the adventures i write, the dangers the characters i created experienced, i want people to laugh about stuff those characters say and do, hate the villians...or love them, i want to know that i reached people with my own hands...that i was good enough. This part didnt go into the direction i hoped, but anyway. To close this off there is one other thing. Dont know if it sounds creepy or so...but i already put it all out there, whoever is around now can not be scared away...hell i probably just write this for myself so it doesnt really matter. Anyway...while getting a good look at the stuff Facebook has going...i found also something...the Girl i had a crush on for all my school years. And as i realize now, the girl i still have a huge crush on. I never dared to talk to girls, not in school or 7 years ago when my weight was double what it is now and i had no idea what to do with life. Yeah i throw this out now too...i never had a girlfriend. Im way...way past 18 years and never even held hands with a girl in a romantic way. Never really thought anybody would care for me that way...but i digress i think. Anyway, the girl is still as beautiful as i remember and it gives me a surprising confidence that she doesnt seem to be married and all that. So maybe there is also Romance in my way...but i dont want to hope too much. For all i know she doesnt even remember me, i didnt particular made a impression on anybody. I mostly watched her from far away in school...yeah i know it sounds creepy as hell but i was really shy and unsure. A part of me thinks that this is my second chance, that this might be how it was supposed to go...but thats more coming from the side that watches too much romance movies and read too many of you peoples great fanfiction in which the same characters fall in love and meet in thousands of different ways. Either way, i just want to know for now if there could be chance or just if she is happy...maybe it turns out it was just a childhood crush i never gave the time to overcome...maybe its more...i dont know. But i know that im willing to find out...something a year ago i wouldnt had dared to even think. So that pretty much sums up the past year and my mindset, what goes on in my little head. If anybody reads this...im sorry for wasting your time or thank you for listening, it helped me get this stuff off my chest. Which helps me focus and move forward. Anyway, thank you very much and like i said before...you got this, you will get through rough times and come out strong...i believe in you.