#i love that they gave Jennifer another chance she deserves it

[iwasbored777]

How come I don't see anyone talking about her 😍

[murdock-barnes]

I NEED A MATTHEW MURDOCK ANGST sort of? based on the she hulk episode. so they're like married but he's still this huge player and sleeps with random women when his wife isn't at home, like when he went to LA or whatever he fucked she hulk even when he's in a relationship and she finds out and just breaks down preferably no smut with reader and matty but add whatever u want with him and anyone else ty!!

A Million Heartbreaks

Matt Murdock x Fem!Wife!Reader

Warnings: Manwhore Matt(he deserves his own warning lmao), pure angst

Word Count: 1,8K

A/N: Reblogs and comments are sooo appreciated! I really wanna hear what you think of this🥹

You stirred awake upon hearing the door being shut. Confusion and panic filled you for a second but then you remembered that your husband had a late flight. It must have been him.

"Matthew?" you called out.

"Yeah, it's me," his voice came. A relief filled you when you heard his voice, accompanied by deep sorrow.

He entered the bedroom, dropping his suitcase. "Sorry, did I wake you up?"

You shook your head no, he could tell. Matt was always so sweet... until he's not.

You sat up, your back on the bedframe. "How was your trip?"

"Uh... it was okay." He was shaking off his clothes as he talked.

"That's it?" you asked. "Tell me more. I would love to hear about She-Hulk. She's so famous these days."

"Yeah... she was cool. Jen is a great lawyer."

"Jen?" you mumbled under your breath.

He noticed the change in your tone but didn't want to further investigate. He was left in his boxers and now slipped under the covers beside you. He seemed ready to sleep.

"I saw the trial, you know? On the news," you said. "Jennifer was talking to the reporters outside the court and I saw you in the back, leaving the building with that designer guy."

"Uh huh."

"You weren't wearing your wedding ring."

Matt's eyes opened. You couldn't hear heartbeats but you knew his got way quicker now.

"Baby..." he started.

“You just can’t help it, can you?" The disappointment in your voice burned his chest. Matt was truly sorry but yes he knew he just couldn't help it.

"What are you talking about?" His brows furrowed. Oh, he was gonna take the highway again.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about! You couldn't keep it in your pants... AGAIN. You fucked Jennifer."

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me... I don't have to explain myself but that did not happen."

There he was. The same old same old.

"I can't believe you..."

"Sweetheart, I swear nothing happened between me and her. Can we just talk about this in the morning?" He closed his eyes and shuffled to get into a more comfortable position.

"Oh my God! You're unbelievable and insufferable!"

He opened his eyes with a huff. His attitude only made you more annoyed and angry.

"Don't even try, Matt. There's a literal video of you leaving her house, doing the walk of shame. Some dude recognized your pathetic ass, filmed it, and put it on Twitter."

"What? That couldn't be me. I was in my hotel room all night."

He was kidding, right? Did he really think you were that dumb?

"I swear to God, if you attempt to gaslight me one more time, I'm gonna smack you so hard in the face."

He squeezed his eyes shut with a grunt. You didn't say a word and just waited for him to admit it. It's always been the same. He cheated, you confronted him, he denied it, and then confessed his sins. The same cat and mouse game.

"I did it." His voice was bitter, guilt dripping from every word. You couldn't give two fucks about his so-called guilt.

You chuckled, knowingly. He did it again despite his promises... and the promises before that... and before that. You gave him another chance every time because you wanted to believe in him. You've seen how determined he could be with his vigilante shit. Maybe he could put the same effort into his marriage. He never did.

"I'm sorry... I don't know what-"

"Shut it!" your voice grew stronger now. Your body was burning with rage and sadness and disappointment.

"How could you, Matt? Again?" You threw off the covers, sitting taller. "I am so sick and tired. I can't take it anymore."

He got up and sit, turning to you. His hands reached yours to hold but you drew them back, away from his touch. You got off the bed and started pacing the room.

"Please, I'll make it up-"

You couldn't stand hearing his whining, honestly. "Oh, stop it! It's the same thing every time. You go fuck around and come back, begging me to forgive you. You have no fucking respect for me, let alone love! I've had enough."

He pouted "Don't say that, you know I love you."

"No, you don't... No. If you were, you wouldn't do any of this."

He got up quickly and before you know it, he was at your feet, groveling. His forehead hit the ground and his hands grabbed your ankles. "I'll pray. I'll confess and repent my sins. Please, forgive me. I truly am sorry. Please."

Was he fucking for real? You backed away, slipping away from his clutch.

"You're such a good Catholic boy, aren't you? Catholic, my ass! Your conscience only seems to be working when it comes to killing but adultery and lying are okay, huh?"

A pained grunt came from him but he stayed in the same position. "I know, I'm a horrible person. I've made a mistake again. Please, take me back."

"You said it was a mistake with Claire, too and it was just one time with Karen. And Elektra... don't even get me started on her." You took in a sharp breath. Tears were burning your eyes. "You always went back to her. Whenever you were in trouble, you didn't come to me. Instead, you went into her arms."

He was silent as he sat up, taking his head between his hands.

"I don't know... maybe I am the problem. Maybe I couldn't give you the comfort that a wife should've given but I tried my best, Matt. You didn't even try." Your voice cracked in the last part and tears started to spill down your face.

"No... no. It's not you. You've been nothing but supportive and loving to me. I... I ruin everything." He swallowed hard with that lump in his throat. He hated seeing you sad and especially knowing that he was the one that was making you sad.

"You can't just say you ruin everything and move on with your life being an impending doom, Matt. You gave up. You're not even trying to be better. I've been on my own in this marriage for a long time now."

You sat on the bed with a huff. How did your relationship turn into this? It was all so sweet in the beginning. That night at the bar changed your life. This handsome, mysterious stranger approached you, buying you a drink. Honestly, you just wanted a free drink but the conversation hooked you. He was a charming man and a dangerous one. It felt like he was luring you into dark, shady waters but he was oh-so-sweet.

It was a month into your relationship when you found out he was the devil of Hell's Kitchen. One night, he stumbled into your apartment, beaten up and bloody. You spent the rest of the night tending his wounds. For you, it was hard to accept that he was risking his life out there every night. Somehow you got used to it.

Three months after getting married, you got promoted at work. Everything was so great, you were so happy. However, now your position required you to travel sometimes and you hated being away from Matt.

It was one of those nights that you came from a trip. Matt wasn't home so you just changed and decided to wait for him. You poured yourself a glass of wine and right when you were about to sit on the couch, something caught your eye. You leaned down to check. There was a red thong beside the couch, almost under it. Your body froze, all the air in your lungs emptying. It definitely wasn't yours. When you confronted Matt about it, he refused to recognize the underwear. Shocking! He even claimed that it was yours. That was your first big fight and when you find out about Claire.

There have been more work trips and more women. You only knew about Claire, Karen, and Elektra but you were certain that there were so much more. Why was he doing this? Why having you wasn't enough?

"Was I ever enough for you, Matthew?"

Matt never ever heard your voice so broken. He was drowning in your sadness while the taste of your tears filled the room.

"I gave you all of me and I did it gladly. I love you with all my heart, all my existence. We took a vow. We swore before God. We promised to honor each other." Your voice was barely a whisper now but he heard you loud and clear.

You fiddled with your ring, it almost burned your flesh now. "We promised to wear these rings to show our love and faithfulness."

Matt was sitting there silently and tears were falling out of his eyes. He was well aware that he fucked up. He ruined the best thing in his life. He made his one and only's heart bleed.

You were just sitting there contemplating the broken shards that were your marriage. You never loved anyone as much as you loved him. Hell, that was probably the only reason you kept forgiving him. He was a good man, you knew but he was in a constant battle with his demons. He would sometimes be off the rails but he always came back to you.

How long could you do this? How many more women? All these years, he trampled down your honor and dignity in the name of love and mistakes but no more.

No more.

You took a deep breath in and got up. It might've looked like a simple movement but it took all your courage and what's left of your dignity. You wouldn't take this man's disrespect and dishonesty anymore. Matt's head snapped in your direction, following every little movement.

You walked to the front door, grabbing your purse and coat. When Matt realized what was happening, he was by your side before you know it.

"Baby, please don't go. Let's just talk." He grabbed you by the waist and tried to halt your motion.

You tried to shrug him off but his hold was strong. "There's nothing to talk about. Let me go."

Matt's heart was breaking into million pieces. The idea of you leaving him... the idea of moving on with his life without you... he wished he could take back the time and undo every misdeed he committed.

"Don't leave me. Please... I'll change... for good this time, I swear. Baby, please don't do this to me."

His words burned through your chest. Even though he broke your heart a million times, you still felt sad because he was sad. His pretty face was contorted in pain. His unfocused eyes were filled with tears. You wanted to reach and wipe his tears away, give him a kiss and hug him.

No more.

"I'm done, Matt. I can't do this anymore. I don't deserve to be treated like this. I never did." You freed yourself from his grip and opened the door.

He fell onto his knees with a sob. "Please..."

You took in the view in front of you, feeling pity for him. Right before you walked out of the door, you said "Sign the divorce papers when they arrive."

[durotoswrites]

Are you still doing the character breakdowns? Part of me wants to ask you to do character breakdowns of Elli between 64 and Mineral Town, but I feel like there's more to be said about Harris, one of my faves in 64 who was then given pretty short shift in BTO/FOMT.

I am still doing character breakdowns! I’ve just slowed down a bit lately due to some projects I’ve been juggling, but I’m always happy to talk about the different characters from the games we love!

I haven’t done a breakdown of Elli or Harris yet, but I will happily do both! I will break it into two segments, and since you are eager to hear my thoughts on a less-featured character like Harris, I’d love to dive into a breakdown of him first!

I did write up some of my opinions in the past, on this post. My feelings for him have remained the same in some ways and changed in others. Let’s get down to it, shall we?

Character Breakdown Ask Game - Still Accepting! ;)

How I feel about this character:

I honestly didn’t have much of a strong opinion about Harris at first glance. But the more I’ve played the games, especially since I played FoMT before HM64, the more frustrated I feel that he was demoted from marriable status. He had such a warm and welcoming personality, but also a shy side that was really endearing. We never got a chance to woo him, and I feel like he would have made a great addition to the cast of marriage candidates.

As a mail carrier, I feel like a lot of potential for events was wasted, but I’ll get more into that later.

Overall, I agree with you, anon. Harris really did deserve better than the games gave him, and I feel like he’s a severely underrated character.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Harris x Maria/Mary - Absolutely adorable! I love how both of them are sensitive and a little shy. Watching Harris gain courage to tell Maria how he feels was super satisfying in HM64, and their relationship is so wholesome and sweet.

Harris x Farmer - Secret marriage candidate, please? I blame @emeraldhaze15 for this one, haha. Seriously, read Wildflower for some great characterization of Harris! (Warning, there are some darker elements to this story, so be sure to check the tags.) It’s so rare to see writers include him, let alone do it so well. <3

Harris x Ann - Harris spends a lot of time at the inn, and I like to think that Ann serves him coffee regularly as a pick-me-up. I could see the two of them getting into talking about the goings on in town and developing feelings for one another (with an enthralled Doug watching in the background, of course).

Harris x Jennifer - I really thought the event between the two of these characters was really cute in the remake. Jennifer seems really concerned about Harris’s luck in love, and she even gives him a token to boost his luck. It would be cute if he ended up asking her more about the stone and got interested in her metaphysical practices, all the while helping her open up a little more to people.

Harris x Aja - I am such a sucker for pining, and the Harris x Aja events pull at my heartstrings a bit. Harris has harbored feelings for her after all of these years and has been too shy to act on it. I feel like Aja left a big impression on Harris and she’ll always be in his heart in a way. <3

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Harris/Thomas - I like to wonder what kind of father/son relationship they have with one another. They don’t seem to talk much about each other, and they both seem busy with their own duties.

Harris/Doug - I feel like these two would be great friends, as Harris stops by the inn quite a bit in the afternoons. I can see them becoming very close throughout the years, and Doug might even not-so-subtly mention how Ann’s doing.

Harris/Gotz - Their friendship feels so unlikely to me, but these opposites attract. It really speaks to the kindness Harris has in his heart that he takes time to check in on Gotz, who has lost his family. The two of them are good friends, and Gotz patrols the mountain for him. I could see the two of them going fishing on days off together, and maybe even Gotz telling him stories about Thomas that Harris never knew about.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I like Harris’s nose. It gives him character, but I wish they would’ve made his design a little more similar to the other characters in FoMT. I’m not wild about his redesign - especially as they made him look quite a bit older than I envision him. I do get that they probably wanted to make him look more like Thomas’s son, though.

I don’t like Harris’s change from postman to police officer. His personality is much better suited to the previous job, and I feel like his job change didn’t really affect any of his dialogue, or at least not much. He talks about how peaceful the town is and how it doesn’t even need an officer. It kinda makes me feel like he just meanders around town all day. I guess he’s making his rounds, but it doesn’t seem like anyone ever needs his services.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Obviously, I wish that Harris had remained a marriage candidate. I like that Rick was made into one, but I want both. I like to think about what his heart events would be like. It would be super cute if he delivered a love letter to you. <3

I wish Harris had remained a mail carrier, and it would be really cool if he delivered letters from time to time in special events - A letter to Duke and Manna from Aja, A letter to Lillia from Rod. I know that Rod’s letter shows up, but it would be interesting to see him deliver it and see his reaction to Lillia receiving a letter from her husband. How does he feel about Rod leaving the family? There’s so much that could be explored!

I’ll answer the ask for Elli in a separate post. Thank you for the ask! I love talking about the characters from this series, especially the ones that aren’t featured as much! I hope you have a great day! ^-^

Character Breakdown Ask Game - Still Accepting! ;)

[cmfan3]

Acceptance

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau X Emily Prentiss

Warning: Strong Language & Sensitive Topics Mentioned

Words: 2.8K

The team didn’t have a case so JJ and Emily were relaxing in their house, enjoying each other’s company as they watched a movie together. After years of consistently pining for each other, the team had enough and hatched a plan to get them together. Mainly because of Garcia’s insistence, the women have been dating for nearly two years and although they each had their own place, neither one could bear to stay away from the other for long, so they were currently living in Emily’s condo.

They were on the couch, JJ laying on top of the brunette, with their arms wrapped around each other as the movie played in the background. A resounding knock cut through the room, causing the two to share a look of confusion as they both got up, neither one expecting visitors. The blonde grabbed the TV remote and lowered the volume as Emily went to open the door.

JJ turned and began straightening the couch as she called out, “Emily, honey, who is it?” After not hearing a response, the younger woman walked out to see what was wrong and was shocked to find the Ambassador standing in the doorway with Emily gaping at her.

The Ambassador’s eyebrows scrunched together as she squinted her eyes in disbelief, “Emily dear, are you not going to invite me in?” The brunette, still in shock, didn’t respond but stepped aside and shut the door after her mother walked in. After a moment of standing at the door to compose her confusion, she walked over to the younger woman and stood next to her, desperate to feel her girlfriend’s presence.

Elizabeth clasped her hands together as she questioned, “now then, I heard her calling you ‘honey.’ What is she talking about and why is she calling you honey?” Realizing that her mother was speaking to her, Emily’s shock began to fade, “I’m sorry, what?” The Ambassador’s patience was beginning to wear thin as she spoke with disgust, “this woman called you honey. Why?”

Emily stood up straighter and stepped in front of the blonde but not before reaching back and grabbing her hand, intertwining their fingers, “this woman is my girlfriend, Jennifer.” Elizabeth paled as she digested the information before croaking out, “girlfriend? You like women?” The brunette stared at her mother, “I don’t like women. I love Jen.”

The Ambassador’s jaw clenched together and after a moment of silence, she answered, “do you not care about me and what this will do to my reputation? You liking women. What you need is a husband to set you straight.” Shocked, Emily scoffed, “I’m sorry, what?” Her mother threw her hands up as she began to raise her voice, “this will ruin my career Emily. This will ruin the Prentiss name and everything I’ve created. Why are you choosing to do this to me, your flesh and blood, your family, your mother?”

For a split second, all Emily saw was red before she felt a small squeeze on her hand, forcing her to look back and lock eyes with JJ, noticing the love that was shining through from the crystal blue eyes. She turned back to Elizabeth and spat, “this has nothing to do with you. Who I love isn’t a choice I make, it’s a feeling I can’t change and I love Jennifer. Who I am and who I love is none of your business, mother.”

“This has to be some sort of practical joke you’re playing and I have to say, it’s not quite that funny Emily. I gave birth to you. I raised you. I have given you everything you’ve ever asked for. And this is how you repay me? This is absurd and you should be ashamed of how you’re acting because it’s quite ridiculous,“ the Ambassador nearly shouted.

Emily’s frustration exploded, “you NEVER raised me. You were NEVER there. You NEVER even gave a shit about me. You only cared about how I made you look, so don’t start acting like you care because you never did. I lived my whole life without you in it and I definitely don’t need you in it now. So goodbye, Elizabeth.”

The Ambassador scoffed, “I’m your mother. If you think that I’m going to just stand here and let you speak to me in that manner then you’re clearly mista-”

JJ let go of her girlfriend’s hand as she stepped in front of her, shielding the brunette from her mother as she snapped, “don’t you dare finish that sentence. I don’t care if you’re the Ambassador or not. Get the fuck out of our house. You’ve clearly overstayed your welcome.” Elizabeth’s face flushed from anger as her mouth parted but nothing more came out. She huffed and whirled around, storming out of the door and slamming it shut behind her.

Emily’s eyes remained focused on the door as tears began to form, her body shaking slightly from the whole ordeal. JJ turned and gently enveloped her girlfriend into her arms, letting out a sigh of frustration. The brunette wrapped her arms around the younger woman’s torso, as she sobbed.

“I’m sorry,” Emily’s voice cracked. JJ pulled back slightly and looked at the older woman with concern etched into her features. Her heart shattered when hearing the sadness in her girlfriend’s voice, “for what?” Emily closed her eyes as her lip trembled, “for making you put up with this. You deserve so much better Jen.” “Oh Em,” JJ sighed lovingly as she reached up and grasped the brunette’s face and wiped away the tears with her thumb, “you’re the best I can have. I love you. I will always love you.”

Emily pressed further into the blonde’s palms, seeking comfort. JJ leaned in and placed a light kiss upon her girlfriend’s lips, the taste of the salty tears that had fallen prominent on her lips. The older woman hummed with satisfaction as they split before hugging her flush against her body and resting her chin on top of the younger woman’s head.

The two split and JJ smiled softly at the brunette, “why don’t you go back and play the movie? I just have to make a quick phone call and I’ll be right there, I promise.” Emily nodded slightly before leaning in and giving her girlfriend a quick peck on the cheek before heading back to the living room, her head filled with thoughts about what just happened.

The blonde stepped out of earshot as she pulled out her phone and dialed a number she knew by heart. After two rings, Garcia called out, “hey goldie locks, to what do I owe this fine pleasure?” JJ’s lips twitched in a smile at the new nickname, “the Ambassador just showed up.” “No, she didn’t,” the tech analyst gasped. The blonde sighed, “yea, she did. And to say it wasn’t pretty is definitely an understatement.”

Garica paused before she questioned, “what happened?” “She found out that we were dating and was upset with the fact that I was a woman. She kept talking about how Em doesn’t care about the Prentiss reputation and whatnot,” JJ concluded. ���Oh my poor baby,” Garcia exclaimed, “give me fifteen minutes. I’ll be right there, don’t you worry.”

Before the younger woman had a chance to respond, the line was cut. She put her phone back in her pocket as she walked over to Emily who was sitting on the couch and had her eyes trained on the screen but her head seemed to be somewhere else. JJ sat down and placed her hand on the brunette’s thigh, squeezing it softly. Emily’s shoulders drooped as the blonde gathered her into her arms and ran her hand through the dark hair.

After roughly fifteen minutes of the two women comforting each other with nothing but contact, another knock was heard. Feeling her girlfriend tense up in her arms, JJ smiled softly as she placed a soft kiss on the top of her head before getting up and going to open the door.

Upon swinging the door open, she wasn’t surprised to see Penelope standing in the hallway, her arms full with a bottle of wine and multiple blankets. JJ let her in and the two walked back to where the brunette was still sitting on the couch. Emily’s eyes shot up to see who was knocking on the door and when she saw the colorful tech analyst, she turned towards her girlfriend, “Jen?”

“I called her. I thought you might need a bit of a pick-me-up and some support that wasn’t me,” the younger woman admitted with a small blush gathering on her cheeks. Garcia placed the wine on the table before throwing the blankets at the brunette and jumping onto the couch. She grasped Emily’s hands tightly, “I’m so sorry sweetcheeks. You don’t deserve any of this crap.”

JJ’s eyebrow lifted at the word, surprised that Garcia used it but ultimately decided to not say anything. She walked over and perched herself behind the older woman, resting her chin on her girlfriend’s shoulder as her arms wrapped around her torso. Emily leaned back into the blonde’s embrace as she squeezed her friend’s hands.

Penelope let go of the brunette’s hands and reached over, grabbing the wine bottle off the table, “I’m here for you,” she shared a look with JJ, “we both are.” Emily smiled faintly at the two, “thanks PG.” The peppy woman patted the older woman’s hand, “no need to thank me. I love you E. We both do.” Emily nodded, indicating that she knew, “I love you guys too.”

“Now, we’re gonna talk about everything that happened and what you’re thinking and we better finish this wine. I’m not leaving until the entire bottle is done,” Garcia promised with a smirk. The two lovers shared a laugh at their friend’s antics.

Penelope popped open the cork as JJ ran into the kitchen to grab three wine glasses. While the tech analyst poured some into each glass, the blonde returned to her seat behind the older woman and grabbed one glass while using her other to wrap around her girlfriend.

Taking a tentative sip, Emily began, “honestly? I don’t even know where to start. I guess it just hurts. I know it shouldn’t because she was never even there, but it just does.” Penelope’s features softened at the confession while JJ reached up with her free hand and pushed the brunette hair away. She placed a soft kiss on the back of her girlfriend’s neck, causing chills to travel down Emily’s spine.

JJ set her glass down on the table and placed her chin on the older woman’s shoulder, “oh Em, of course it hurts. At the end of the day, she is your mother and of course you want her support.” The peppy woman nodded sympathetically as she took a sip from her glass, “she’s right sweetcheeks. But you have me and goldie locks over here and pretty boy and chocolate thunder and papa-”

Emily cut her off with a laugh, “I know I have you guys. All of you. And I love each and every one of you.” “We love you too,” Penelope took another sip of wine before continuing with a smirk, “maybe one of us more than others.” JJ laughed as she ran her fingers through the brunette hair lovingly, separating it into two sections. Emily closed her eyes and a smile ghosted her lips when she felt her girlfriend start braiding her hair.

Garcia threw back her glass and finished the wine before reaching out to grab the bottle to pour herself another glass before topping off the other two. She brought her legs up and crossed them under herself before reaching out to grab the older woman’s hand. She tilted her head and spoke softly, “you deserve the world E. I know it’s not the same, but you have us, all of us, and we aren’t going anywhere.”

Emily sighed, “I know I do, but I just wish she knew that it wasn’t a choice I can make. Who I love isn’t something I choose. I wish she supported me for once in my life.” As JJ finished off the first braid, she grabbed her glass and took a sip.

After a moment, she set the glass down and began on the other side, “who knows? Maybe all she needs is some time to process it because I think it’s safe to say she definitely wasn’t expecting it. But Em, she doesn’t deserve to be in your life if she doesn’t support you. It’s her loss.”

“I know and I’ll be ok, it just sucked. I mean that’s how I expected her to act, but I had a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, she would support me,” the brunette looked down at her glass, watching as her wine swirled around.

Noticing that her friend was beginning to lose herself in her mind, Penelope tugged on her hand slightly, jarring the older woman from her thoughts, “I don’t care if she’s the Ambassador, next time she pulls a stunt like that, I’m gonna destroy her credit scores and we’ll see what ruins her reputation.”

Emily let out a chuckle before putting her glass up to her lips and taking a few sips, “I love you PG, but there’s no need for that.” Penelope pouted, “aw come on. You’re taking away all my fun.” “Yeah Pen, there’s no need for that,” JJ winked at the tech analyst with a smile on her face as she finished off the second braid.

“Jayje,” Emily warned with a laugh. The blonde threw her hands up and feigned innocence as her girlfriend turned to look at her, “what?” The brunette smirked as she took another sip, “I know that tone, don’t you dare.” JJ let out a bark of laughter, “fine. We won’t do anything.” ”You’re taking away all my fun,” Penelope whined. Emily grinned as she finished off the last of her wine. The tech analyst reached for the bottle and was surprised to find it empty, “we finished it already?”

JJ raised her glass and finished hers off before standing and taking all the empty glasses and bottle to the kitchen. Penelope looked up at Emily, squeezing her hand, “are you sure you’re ok sweetcheeks?” The older woman nodded and squeezed her hands tightly, “thank you.”

“For you? Anytime,” Penelope turned and checked the clock, “it’s almost eleven? Time really does fly doesn’t it? But you’re gonna be ok, we’re all here for you.” “I know. I love you guys,” Emily reminded her with a yawn. The cheerful woman turned towards JJ, who was now walking into the living room, “this one is tired, you better get her to bed before she falls asleep here. I’m gonna head home you two.”

JJ questioned, “are you sure you don’t wanna stay the night?” Penelope shook her head with a smirk, “I’d rather let you two be alone. There is no need for me to hear what you do at night.” Emily became flustered as she turned crimson, “I- Penelope!” The tech analyst squealed with delight as she darted from the couch to the door, avoiding the friendly slap from the brunette.

Emily got up from the couch and walked over to the door with the younger woman in tow. The older woman hugged Penelope tightly, “thank you.” “You don’t need to keep thanking me E. I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” the two broke apart. JJ stepped forward and hugged her friend goodnight before Garcia turned and walked out the door.

Before turning the corner, she called out, “don’t do anything I would do.” Emily let out a chuckle before shutting the door, “sometimes, I wonder what goes through her head.” The corner of JJ’s mouth quirked up, “I guess we’ll never know.”

Emily turned towards the blonde, “thank you.” JJ’s smile faded and she tilted her head in confusion, “for what?” “For being there for me. For not leaving my side. For loving me,” the brunette explained. The younger woman stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Emily’s neck as the older woman gripped her hips, “always.” They both leaned in and shared a soft kiss, beaming as they broke apart.

JJ looked into the auburn eyes that were staring at her, “why don’t we go sleep? I think that was enough for one day, don’t you think?” The older woman nodded and followed her girlfriend to their bedroom where they both got dressed and climbed into bed. Emily opened her arms and JJ crawled into them, resting her head on the brunette’s chest as she listened to her heartbeat.

Their legs tangled together as JJ trailed her hand along the brunette’s side while Emily traced imaginary circles along her girlfriend’s back. The exhaustion from the ordeal hit both women. As JJ was on the verge of sleep, she was able to croak out, “I love you Em,” before her eyes shut and her breathing became even. Emily smiled as she whispered, “I love you too Jayje,” her heart full of love and affection for the woman in her arms, the incident of the day long forgotten.

[buckaroosboogara]

911 week - Day 5:

“Can I tell you a secret?” + comfort

(1800~ words, Albert and Chimney, tw alcohol and mentions of addiction/addiction.)

@911week

"Albert, I don't know how or why, but if you don't want to be a firefighter anymore, just tell me." Chimney huffed.

"Well," Albert got up and stumbled with his feet. He gained composure and walked to the door. "I don't wanna be a firefighter. Father was right, I am useless. And just like him, an alcoholic. Now go away." 

Chimney flinched, "This is not you Albert, please..." 

"Well, what do you know about me, huh? We were apart for more than 20 years." Albert barked as he opened the door. 

"I'll come back." Chim said, walking outside. 

"Yeah, yeah."

Albert wanted to cry. 

He felt like the world was turning him into a living joke, only alive to make people laugh, and he hated it. 

He was a step closer to be out of the fire academy, and his instructor had warned him that if he made one mistake more, he would be out. 

First, his written test had an 80/100, he would have like to blame it on Jee and her strong lungs that woke him up four hours before his exam at 8, but he couldn't do that. It was also his fault for constantly delaying the time to study for it, until dinner of the very last night before the exam. 

Then, he decided to move in with Buck again, or better said, move to Buck's place since the other man was mostly at Eddie's place than his own flat, giving Maddie and Chimney the privacy they needed. They happened to go partying to celebrate Albert's birthday the night before a big Chief went unpromptedly to the academy, and Albert arrived late for the first time, just that day. 

And now... he definitely deserved to get kicked out. 

He filled his teammate's oxygen tank with the gases, mostly nitrogen and carbon monoxide, that the O2 truck's engine liberated. 

He almost killed the girl during their training. 

And he didn't have a father in an important charge or a politician mother to get him out of that trouble, like the story of a training firefighter in Chicago. 

His only consolation was that his teammate, Jennifer, the only woman in his class, was already at her home, and had texted him to say it was okay, she knew he didn't mean to hurt her. That he was a harmless cinnamon bun, whatever that meant. 

He went home after the furious instructor had made him leave the academy, having done enough harm for the day. 

He messaged Buck, briefly telling him he was home early, and threw himself on the couch, the weight of guilt crushing him down. 

Albert really wished Jennifer - or JJ, how she like her friends to call her, but Albert didn't consider himself one - would be okay and become a firefighter in the next two weeks, when their final physical exam would happen. 

He also didn't want to alarm Buck or Chimney, both were stressed enough, having to juggle between being at the station and covering shifts for the two people down and having to take care of Maddie, Eddie, and Bobby, with the last two assuring they didn't need their help. 

Between these thoughts he fell asleep, waking up some hours after, dreams of death and disappointment hunting him. 

He put his jacket on and looked for a bar near, doing the only thing he ever learned from his father. 

Drown his guilts in alcohol. 

... 

Chimney could feel something was wrong with his brother. 

No, he knew. 

The clues were right there. 

He wasn't calling as much as he used to do, and whenever Buck called and was at their loft, Albert was not there. 

That, plus Buck's comments about him arriving home very late and leaving very early, with dark eye bags and smelling of alcohol. Those comments didn't ease the feeling on Chimney's gut. 

He first tried to call him, day, noon, even at 3 am when he couldn't sleep during a shift. Nothing. 

Or, short messages telling him he would call later, but he never did. 

Chimney knew how close Albert was to be a firefighter, and he knew that last week was the worst one. He feared what it would do to his brother. 

So one day, the stars aligned and Buck saw Albert during the noon in their loft. He did what he could to keep him there and called Chimney to get there, he knew that Albert needed his brother rather than anyone else at that moment. 

As soon as Chimney arrived, Buck left the building and both men could speak for the first time in a week and a half. 

"Okay, I'm gonna go straight to the point." Chimney huffed as he closed the door behind Buck. "What the hell is going on with you?" 

"Nothing." Albert lied, sitting on the couch with a beer in hand. 

"Don't you dare lie to me. I know you and this is not you, Al. Talk to me." Chimney walked to the couch and stood in front of his brother. 

Albert avoided his look and kept quiet. 

Chimney huffed. "Look, the EMT in charge of the basic health support and procedures class, Eli, called me yesterday. He was glad another Han would become a firefighter, but then he told me you weren't there." 

He crouched in front of his brother. "Albert, I don't know how or why, but if you don't want to be a firefighter anymore, just tell me. You don't need to avoid me, or Buck, for the record. Talk to me." 

"Well," Albert got up and stumbled with his feet. He gained composure and walked to the door. "I don't wanna be a firefighter. Now go away." 

Chimney flinched, "This is not you Albert, please..." 

"Well, what do you know about me, huh? We were apart for more than 20 years." Albert barked as he opened the door. 

"I'll come back." Chim said, walking outside. 

"Yeah, yeah." 

The door shut.

Chimney wanted to cry.

... 

"Chimney! Nice to see you around for once, but why are you here?" Eli happily exclaimed when he saw Chim walking through the academy's halls the next morning. 

"Hey Eli, it's nice to see you too brother." Chimney rolled his eyes fondly and hugged the man. 

After making the appropriate small talk Chimney spoke, "I actually came here to ask about my brother..." 

"Albert Han?" Eli asked and checked the clipboard he carried with him. "Uh, he hasn't come to my class in a week. Since the oxygen tank accident, actually." 

Chim's mind stopped racing after the last sentence. "Oxygen tank accident?" 

The EMS gave him an odd look. "Yeah... everyone here knows about it. He accidentally filled his partner's tank with monoxide and other gases from the O2 truck's engine." 

Chimney took his hands to his eyes, too much information entering his brain, Eli continued. "She passed away during training and hit her head, but apart from that and the toxic inhalation she was perfect." 

"Shit. Okay, I would remember if he told me that." Chim shook his head. "And he hasn't come in a week?" 

"Not to my classes." Eli said. "I thought that maybe you'd teach him for the exam, therefore he wouldn't come but... I know you, there's something more." 

"Yeah. Just- I need to talk to him. Could you make sure they don't... you know... kick him out?" 

"I'll do what I can." Eli answered sincerely. "Hey, it seems like almost getting kicked out is a Han thing now." 

Chim winced. He had been very close... which actually gave him an idea. 

"I gotta go, Eli, thanks for the... uh.. for everything!" Chim said, slowly tracking back. "Bye!" 

... 

Albert heard a knock on the door and groaned. 

He waited for whoever was there to give up and walk away, but the person kept insisting. 

"Open up Albert, I know you are there!" Chimney's voice sounded from the hall. 

"Ugh, go away!" Albert huffed as he took a bottle of beer from the fridge. 

"I'm not going away Albert. I'm going to stay here until Buck arrives or you open the door." 

"So stubborn." 

"Just like you." 

Albert thought of his options. He could either wait or let his brother in and drive him away in minutes and he would be alone again. 

He sighed as he opened the door. "Happy now?" 

"No. I need you to talk to me, Albert." Chimney got inside. "I know about the accident. It's not your fault, look-" 

"If you know, then you know it is my fault. She could have died. I could have killed her. It's not that I don't want to be a firefighter. I can't be one." Albert blurted out, his cheeks red from embarrassment. 

"Albert..." 

"And it's not just that- it's that every one of my written tests is marked only with an 80%, I can't seem to be there in time and then I almost killed one of my classmates, my friend. And- And I just- I feel like giving up." He took a swing of his beer. "And I did. Father was right, I am useless. And just like him, an alcoholic." 

He made a sad smile and continued drinking. 

"No, you are much more than that Albert." Chimney said, taking the bottle from his hand. "And you would make an amazing firefighter, don't ever doubt that." 

Albert rolled his eyes and huffed, making his way to the couch. Chim followed and sat on the coffee table in front of his brother. 

"Can I tell you a secret?" Chim asked after some seconds of silence. 

"Go ahead." 

"I almost got kicked out too." 

Albert scanned his expression. "You're lying." 

"The hell I'm not." Chim huffed. "Being a firefighter was the thing that kept me going for many years. Until I met Maddie. But, believe it or not, I almost got kicked out for not asking for help and being a jerk." 

"I was struggling in the written exams too. Almost failing, while Kevin got all 95s and 100s. I got jealous and was too proud to ask him for help. Then I started having problems with the higher levels. But one day..." Chimney smiled. "One day Chief Aadav Panikkar, yeah, Ravi's father, called me to his office. And he helped me." 

A tear slipped down Chimney's cheek. Albert ducked his head. 

"I wanna help you, Albert." 

"And, yeah, I'm gonna be realistic. You have little chance to graduate next week, but if we work hard and have a little luck, you will be able to." Chimney said, "And if you don't. Then you are going to kick ass with my help the next time you can apply to the academy. And we are going to AA. Okay? But we are going to do it together." 

Albert's lips contracted in a fine line. 

"Okay." When he looked up again, Chimney could see his eyes glowing with tears. "Thanks, Howie. I love you." 

Albert got up and waited for Chim to do the same and hugged him. 

"I love you too little brother," Chimney said, hugging his brother tightly. 

They had a long way ahead of them, but together they were strong enough to get through it. 

... 

Despite all their efforts, Albert couldn't complete the training the first time, and it hurt, not just to the Han brothers, but to the whole 118. 

Two weeks later they met with Bobby for a reunion with ex-alcoholics. 

Six months later, Albert finished his last physical test, and the 118 was on top of the exam building, waiting for him. 

He not only was in his official probationary year, but he learned that he had a family now. 

A family that was with him throughout all those hellish months. 

That was what the 118 was. Family.

[kayr0ss]

Pitter Patter

[Diakko Week 2020, Day 3: Rain, Thinking!Diana, Realizing Feelings] AO3

Happy to participate in Diakko week 2020! @dianakko-week

---

Cold, damp, and dreary.

That wasn’t exactly the weather she was hoping for on a trip to town, but alas said trip couldn’t be postponed, if only because it was for business rather than pleasure. Restocking their supply of ink, quills, and parchment was business indeed—one of utmost importance. Diana believed that the quality of good academic output was diminished if one didn’t take care of its presentation. Content was a given, of course, but a high-quality essay was of even better quality if one had the right stationery to work with.

Akko, however, just wanted a day out in the rain.

She forgot her umbrella. Of course she did. Diana resigned herself to the fact that they would be stuck underneath a single black umbrella, huddled together to stave away the bite of the wind. The pitter-patter of rain actually sounded pleasant against the taut water-proof fabric, and walkways of Blytonbury were slippery and riddled with puddles that she did her best to elegantly avoid.

“Stop trying to step in them, you’re going to get my boots wet as well.” She gently chided, pulling Akko in by the arm so that she wouldn’t get rained on. “And stay nearby.”

“But the rain is so lovely!” Akko grinned, reaching forward with her palm facing upwards so that she could feel the droplets of water against her skin. “It isn’t so troublesome when you stop caring about getting caught under it.”

“You’re going to catch a cold.”

“And you’re going to be there to care of me.” Akko shot her a smug wink.

“That’s not an excuse.” Diana grumbled, annoyed at how charmed she was by Akko’s little stunt.

Their surroundings felt like a painting come to life. They were in between late afternoon and evening, with the sky dipping darker into inky blue with each passing minute. The streetlamps were incandescent spots of light spaced out evenly through the darkness, reflected by wet cobbled streets. They were approaching a row of stone-walled stores where the book and supply shop could be found.

“Do you smell that?” Akko chirped excitedly, comically leaning forward while taking in a deep sniff whatever confection was cooking nearby. It was deep and savory, wafting forth from the row of stores. Chicken pot pie, perhaps?

Diana hid a small smile. Akko’s pace was picking up already—food had that effect on her. Akko hand slid downwards and fell to clasp her own.

Her stomach did a summersault, but she ignored it and allowed Akko to lead the way quietly. The buildings were coming up closer. They were oh so inviting. If the yellow lamps along their opened doorways weren’t enticing enough, the way their windows glowed with light and life from the inside sealed the deal for Diana. She would very much like to be inside any one of those stores now—warm, dry, and nursing a cup of chocolate while she listened to Akko’s laugh.

She rolled her eyes at herself. Akko’s laugh was a very specific thing to be wanting to listen to, but then again she did also think that those buildings felt very much like… Akko herself. Inviting, safe, warm and light.

She really needed to stop this lining of thinking. It was silly and fantastical. Her heart was beginning to hurt and that could never be a good thing.

“Thinking about something?” Akko stopped her paced, blinking up at Diana.

“Pardon?”

“Your face went all scrunched up and Overthinking-Diana-Like.” The brunette said with a smile, obvious in her attempt to goad a laugh out of her while at the same time conveying sincerity.

The world, Diana decided, did not deserve Akko.

But the blonde simply shook her head, and Akko gave her one last meaningful look and decided not to pry. She was more thoughtful than people gave her credit for, and it was yet another bullet on her list of ‘Reasons Why She Makes Me Feel Things.’

But these feelings were as distressing as they were pleasant. She didn’t know where they would fit in her life, which was already bursting at the seams with responsibilities and commitments. She couldn’t afford a distraction, even one as lovely as the habit of debating which shade of red Akko’s eyes were, and these days it’s been proving to be difficult to ignore.

And so she tore her gaze away from Akko and towards the shops. Ah. It was useless. The warmth they conveyed only reminded her of Akko again.

Shielding herself was one effective method though. She couldn’t simply let herself go and be consumed by unpredictable flights of emotion, now could she? Like the umbrella she held, she would hide behind her duties and rationalizations, passing off the flutters of her heart as childish impulses and brushing away her excitement at every chance she could get.

“You know what you need?” Akko said resolutely, tired of her moping and rumination. “Like, five minutes to let loose.”

“I need—what?”

“I feel like you think of a million things a minute and I know your brain is very big but it needs to rest Diana!”

Oh, by Jennifer she was pretty.

“Earth to Diana?” Akko waved a hand in front of her.

Right—she had to answer.

“I sleep.” Diana muttered, hand tensing around the handle. “Sometimes”

“Sometimes.” Akko sighed in exasperation. “And I bet even then you’re thinking.”

The brunette’s expression turned sly. Oh no. What did she have up her sleeve?

Slowly, without letting go of the hand she held, Akko stepped back and outside of the umbrella’s protective circle.

“Akko, you’re going to—”

Diana’s words died down as Akko closed her eyes, smiled, and tilted her face upwards to let the rain freely pelt down against her features, clothes, and hair. Her shoulders visibly relaxed, and there was a peacefulness to her posture that she almost envied.

“Sometimes you just... gotta let yourself be.” Akko’s smile grew even wider, then on a whim, she tugged on Diana’s hand.

The blonde lurched forward, struggling to keep herself dry while Akko just laughed.

“Come on!” Akko teased. “We’ll grab what you need real fast and head back to the castle not a minute later!”

She wasn’t sure if it was because of the sound of her laughter, but Diana slowly—surprisingly—pulled the umbrella to the side before closing it.

The rain was gentle. Her worries about her boots and clothes growing damp disappeared the moment she decided it no longer mattered, and that small dose of freedom exhilarated her. The droplets tickled against her skin and were caught along her lashes. It was beginning to seep through her uniform, but it didn’t matter and—

And it was okay.

She looked towards Akko. She was smiling at her softly.

“How’s it feel?”

A thumb brushed behind her own.

Diana paused for a moment to consider how to answer, but it seems this little exercise answered a more profound question in her mind.

She let her eyes linger on Akko’s for a moment, only moving them to glance at their joined hands before coming back up to smile at her again.

Akko was so wonderful. So carefree, and kind, and beautiful in every way that counted.

Diana was falling—and much like the rain, she was done hiding under the shade of her umbrella.

She wanted to feel it.

-

fin

-

A/N: Coincidentally, I was binging The Umbrella Academy today LOL. Hope you all enjoy this quick last-minute drabble, it was inspired by this wonderful and so very iconic and historical quote:

Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in NO ONE ELSE, NO ONE ELSE

[tweedlydumbtweedlydoo]

Surprises (Spencer Reid) #2

Off Limits Masterlist (My other Spencer Reid series)

Previous Chapters: 

Chapter 1

Requests: {OPEN} CLOSED

I am currently taking requests for:

The Vampire Diaries:

Elijah Mikaelson

Damon Salvatore

Criminal Minds:

Spencer Reid

Derek Morgan

Tag List: @on-my-way-to-erebor​ , @haileymorelikestupid​ , @angryknightstatesmantrash​

NOT MY GIF

Chapter 2 of 3 

Summary: She’s a bartender at a high end hotel. He’s just solved a difficult case and is enjoying a celebratory drink. Long story short, there’s a one-night stand. Two years later, their paths cross with a few surprises in store.

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~Two Years Later~

David Rossi is a new member of the team. He’d been in retirement but the BAU had requested he come out of retirement as Jason Gideon left. They needed the help and David Rossi was happy to return. He’d grown fond of the team and vice versa.

He walked into the room where the team sat around the table, “This is the BAU team and team this is my daughter Katie, and grandson Ben.”

Spencer spit out his water and coughs as a woman trailed in behind Rossi, carrying a little boy on her hip. Memories of that night in an Atlanta hotel room flooding his memory.

Morgan looked at Spencer, “You okay kid?”

Spencer nods, wiping his mouth with his sleeve, “Just went down the wrong pipe.”

Her dad had kept asking if she had time to come by the office so he could introduce her to the team, and they could get lunch. So, today was one of her days off and she decided to take her dad up on the offer. When she walked into the room, her eyes met a man’s first, who she immediately recognized. The memories of that night came flooding back. That dreamy face was a hard one to forget. So, their paths would cross again.

One can imagine her surprise a month later after that crazy night, she’d peed on a stick and saw a nice big plus sign staring back at her. She’d known right away who’s it was, no doubt. She hadn’t been with anyone else. Well, she might have not known his name, but she was now carrying a part of him. They hadn’t exchanged names, so she had no way of finding him and contacting him. She figured he was long gone by the time she found out she was pregnant anyways.

Rossi continued with his introductions, pointing to each of the members of the team as he says their name, “This is Agent Derek Morgan, Agent Aaron Hotchner Agent Emily Prentis, Agent Penelope Garcia, Agent Jennifer Jareau and Dr. Spencer Reid.”

She positioned Ben on her other hip, who was grabbing at her shirt, babbling. She gave a small wave, “Hi.”

The team said their hello’s, but their eyes were on Ben. There was an awkward silence before Emily spoke up, “Well, he is adorable.”

“Thank you.” Katie smiles, “I think so too.”

“How old?” Spencer speaks up, clearing his throat.

“He’s a little over a year.” Spencer looks like he’s seen a ghost, luckily no one seems to notice. Rossi sits down on the couch, “They came by to meet me for lunch and I figured I would introduce you guys to them.”

Katie follows her father to the couch and takes a seat next to him. She sets Ben down, who quickly starts walking around.

“He’s just too cute.” Penelope coos.

Ben claps his hands and starts toward the group, babbling. His eyes fixate on Spencer and he raises his hands toward him, “Up!” “Well hey there little man.” Spencer laughs nervously, picking up and setting him in his lap. Ben immediately starts playing with his tie.

Rossi looks on, chuckling. “He loves ties.”

The team watches in shock. Now they look like they have seen a ghost. The resemblance is uncanny. There’s no denying it. The nose, the chin. The hair. It’s all Spencer.

Morgan clears his throat, “Well it was nice meeting you.” Morgan offers his hand to Katie, “I have some paper-work on my desk to get finished.”

Katie nods and shakes his hand, “Nice to meet you too.” Soon the other’s follow out.

“Hang out in here for a little while, I have a few things that I need to get done then we can go for lunch.” Rossi says standing.

Katie nods, “Sounds great.”

When he leaves, Katie looks at Spencer and Ben, “He seems to really like your tie.” Ben had already put the tie in his mouth. She stands and comes over, handing Ben a toy to get his mind off the tie, “Sorry.”

Spencer shakes his head, “It’s fine.” He looks up at her as she sits in the chair next to him. He’s unsure if she even remembers who he is. Hell, the kid may not even be is. “You look awfully familiar… Have we met before?” He watches a blush creep up on her cheeks.

She decides to play it off, “Maybe at a gala or something? I was usually the one to tag along with my dad at those things.” She takes Ben’s little hand in hers, admiring him. She hadn’t realized how much he looked like his father, who she now knows his name is Dr. Spencer Reid.

He slowly nods, “Yeah maybe.” He glances down at Ben who’s perfectly content chewing on the toy in his mouth. He takes a moment to look at him and study his face. Did Ben really look like him? It starts to freak him out a little. This can’t be his kid. Could it?

“I better get back to work.” he hands Ben to Katie and stands. The thoughts starting to freak him out.

She stands as well, “Yeah I better go see if my dad’s ready to leave for lunch.”

Spencer shoves his hands in his pockets and clears his throat, “It was nice meeting you, Katie.”

She nods, “You too.” She watches as he walks out of the room and back to his desk. Well, this was a complete surprise.

~

Her and Rossi left to get lunch and were seated at a table at the restaurant. Ben sat in a high-chair next to her.

Rossi watches as she picks at her food, “Is the food not good?”

Katie looks up from her plate and shakes her head, “No. Food is great.” She says, taking a bite.

Rossi nods, “Are you okay then? Something seems to be bothering you.”

Katie puts another piece of food in front of Ben, “You know how I told you his dad was a one- night stand?”

“I know he’s Dr. Reid’s.” He quickly answers, taking a bite of his food, like what he said was nothing.

Surprised, Katie’s head shoots up to meet her dad’s eyes, “How did you-”

“I didn’t until the two of them were sitting next to each other.” He takes another bite of his food, “They looked like twins sitting there. Anyone could see it.”

Katie groans, “Great.”

Rossi reaches across the table and takes his daughter’s hand in his, “I know Spencer. He’s a good kid.”

“Well, I don’t think he even recognized me. He told me I looked familiar. I told him maybe he’d seen me at one of the galas or something since I would tag along with you.” She sighs, “If he did recognize me, I didn’t want to have that dreadful conversation right then. Not the best time or place. Oh, hey yeah remember me? That one-night stand in Atlanta? Yeah I got pregnant after and the kids yours.”

“He deserves to know though. You can’t keep something like this from him. You know who his dad is and now you can tell him about Ben.” He takes a sip of his drink, looking at her.

“What if he doesn’t want anything to do with him?” She looks at Ben and runs a loving hand over his head. Ben grins in response and claps his hands.

Rossi looks at his grandson and smiles, “How could someone not want anything to do with him?” He then looks at Katie, “Spencer isn’t that type of guy. He’s going to want to be in his life.”

~

Spencer spent the rest of the evening wondering if she really didn’t recognize him or acted like she didn’t so it wouldn’t be awkward. He should have told her where he really knew her from. He should have been forward with her and asked about Ben being his.

“Hey kid,” Morgan struts over, sitting on the edge of Spencer’s desk.

Spencer stops working and looks at him, “yes?”

“Rossi’s daughter. Have you seen her before? You looked quite surprised when she walked in.” He asks.

Spencer glances around to see if anyone’s listening then looks at Morgan, “She’s the one-night stand from Atlanta.”

Morgan’s eyes went wide, and he leaned back a little, “Woah. No shit? Really?”

Spencer nods.

“Damn.” He smirks a little, “You slept with Rossi’s daughter.”

Spencer groans, “I didn’t know she was his daughter. We never even exchanged names. She didn’t want too and I didn’t care. I wanted to forget about Amber.”

“Is there a chance that kid of hers is yours?” He already knows the answer, but he asks anyways. The kid looked just like Reid, so no doubt his kid.

He shrugs a little, “There’s a possibility.” He says quietly, wincing as he thinks back to that night, “I don’t even remember if I used protection.”

Morgan groans, “Kid, what have I taught you. Always keep one in your wallet.”

“Yeah well, I was preoccupied. My mind wasn’t on grabbing a condom from my wallet.” He smirks a little and stands, “I don’t even think she remembers who I am. She didn’t seem like she remembered me.”

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I decided on three parts for this mini series.

 So far there’s been no requests, so if you’d like to send one in, be my guest :) xx

[kiss-my-freckle]

8x19 Rewatch: Balthazar “Bino” Baker

“I mean, what the hell is this even about? Elizabeth Keen has to die. We should go out, shoot feds, risk our own lives for some lunatic?”

This is why Neville will lose. He's insane, impatient, and very impulsive. Bino fears him more than he fears Raymond. 

“You think I’m safer in custody? Townsend has people everywhere. He can hit me from the inside." 

This bit reminds me of Ressler and Liz in 3x9. 

“You and I both know I'm never making it to that hearing alive."

That’s why I think “Juliet” is coming. Red’s conversation with Cooper is 100% Rederina. While I do appreciate Liz’s outburst in the car with Ressler, she’s an idiot. The only death Red is responsible for is Sam’s. Tom got himself killed because he wouldn’t let it go. Liz got Jennifer killed because she wouldn’t let it go. And the difference between Red and Liz... she’s an FBI agent. Red doesn’t carry a fucking badge. if she wants to act a criminal, she can be a CI like Red. Until then... she can stop her bitching about the double standard. There is no double standard. If Liz wants to be a criminal and get away with crimes, then she can be a CI like Red. If Red has to surrender and be placed in cuffs just to get a deal, so does she. It’s like she wants special treatment because she has a vagina. 

Liz’s line of dialogue to Ressler will have to go in a gif set because there’s far too much to put in a paragrah and I wanna keep this short. 

“The decoy convoy is passing through the Seventh Ward." They’re definitely hitting 3b in a huge way. "A decoy. They're using a decoy." She was never in a hearse when she faked her death, she was in a body bag, then went to Cuba. 

Neville is so impatient, he’ll gladly take her life either way. “If possible, bring her to me. If not, kill her and anyone else who stands in your way."

Liz is gonna escape the Post Office next week because she still has Ressler's badge. She borrowed it to break the door open and never gave it back to him. Red is gonna pull her out of the box and get her to use it. I like how Ressler sits, unable to do anything but show concern for Liz being shot. 

“Bambino” is Italian for baby or child. I always wondered when they’d pull in an Italian storyline because of the criminal aspect. An underground chess club called The Castle. When I say Ressler was speaking directly to Red, I meant it. The task force wouldn’t know about an underground chess club. That’s what underground means. Only Red would know about it. “No, we don’t know where she is, but, uh, Ressler said something about a castle? Does that mean anything to you?" He’s telling Red how to find her because at this point, he doesn’t want Liz in custody because of the convoy. He’s only gonna trust Red. Ressler knows, and THIS is how an in-law works with an in-law. “Because, like it or not, he’s the best chance to get out of here alive."

“They’re not out of the proverbial woods yet, but we have reason to hope." Red has an angel watching over them in the hearse. I love how they use the Keenler sex soundtrack for this scene. 

I love Red’s conversation about Dominoes, for obvious reasons. “I love games. In fact, I’m playing one now, with dominoes. First, I line them up, then I knock the first one over, and it leads to another and then another and another until the trail takes me where I’m trying to go.” 

Liz’s scene with Ressler in the restaurant is probably one of the most gorgeous Keenler scenes I’ve ever seen. The hearse scene is gorgeous, but I like this scene more. The soundtrack itself is gorgeous for what she’s about to tell him. “You’re Somebody Else” by Flora Cash. The lyrics fit Keenler perfectly. The Wing Yee toss-in is an added bonus. "You know, Reddington, Tom. For whatever reason, I live in a world where people aren’t who they seem to be. It’s hard to know what or who to believe. But you. You’ve always been there. The real you, telling me the truth. And I love you for that. There, I said it. It wasn’t in the back of a hearse. But, hey, the back of a Chinese restaurant is pretty good." This is exactly the reason Keenler is endgame. What Keenlers have seen all along. She got to know the real him, see the real him... have their partnership build into a friendship that became so much more. He is the very best that Liz deserves. Trust, honesty, sincerity, reliability. They’re endgame. 

“Elizabeth and Donald were taken to the Shanghai Palace.” Watch how they go from Prince and Princess to King and Queen. “Keen, The Castle."

"Tell Donald to stay in the light." Red will need Ressler's help pulling Liz out of the darkness.

“I’m the pawn, and you’re serving me up for the slaughter." Like the woman from Paris. Because Red is Katarina. “I've thought a lot about why you chose me as the lamb you could take to slaughter.”

“We’re talking about Neville Townsend, the ONE man powerful enough to make Raymond Reddington think twice." Bino hasn’t calculated his risk, considering Red is about to kill him. This bit hits back to the Ethicist. He’s an actuary like Red. I like how he takes out Bino’s entire crew without needing Dembe to fire a single shot. That’s the Red I miss. 

This end scene between Red and Liz is gorgeous. One of the most heartfelt things Red has ever said to Elizabeth. Honest and sincere. “Elizabeth, I’m certainly not looking for a thank you, but this does seem uncalled for." A hit back to Baz saving Liz in Lady Ambrosia. “When I said that Baz saved you, I wasn't looking for a thank you. I'm just relieved."

Red shirks blame because everyone Liz named isn’t on him. “Yes, they’re all dead. I tried to tell you that this is what would happen." Because she put this in motion after Red killed the imposter. 

“Everything I’ve been afraid of, everything I came into your life to prevent, it’s happening."

When you see the truth, you can’t unsee it. 

“Her husband wasn't who he appeared to be. She was in jeopardy. I had to intervene."

4x17 dialogue all over again. 

“But if anyone learns her identity, the only way I can stop the threats from rising is to rise up as a greater threat than all of them.”

“As I feared would happen, elements from Katarina's past are circling Elizabeth like a pack of wolves in the night. I put Tom Keen in her life to keep an eye on her, and he married her."

Because Neville learned Red’s identity. This was ALWAYS about Tom Keen. 

The end scene... they’re basically showing what Red was expecting at the Red Wedding. He thought Townsend’s people were coming when it was Kirk. Now it is Townsend. That’s why Liz hides like she did at the wedding. That’s why they keep hitting 3b. 

[omgviolette12]

Helena’s Skin

Chapters: 1/1

Words: 4500+

Pairing: Original female character of color/Tom Hiddleston

Warnings: Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Angst, Horror

 I’ve also posted this on AO3

There’s pictures there, in case you want some bonus content.

Story Playlist, for optimal reading experience : Here

Phew..this plot bunny was running around for a HOT minute! I'm not sure what my obsession is with stories that deal with betrayal of some sort...but I think I'm just a slut for some angst. Also, I've been listening to a ton of silent hill soundtracks, which put me in the mood to write something depressing. And goodness is that game good. This story is largely inspired by it, with some of the dialogue, text, and locations from the original game interwoven with my story. I changed things up a lot to follow the flow of my narrative though.

-----

Tom dreamt of her again that night.

Pale, blue-tinted skin. Dark sunken eyes. Her stiff, swaying feet. He could even see the chipped red nail polish on her toes with clarity.

The cruel memory was always, without fail, in perfect detail.

Over the years though, he had slowly come to accept it. The pills never helped to stop the nightmares, and no amount of avoiding sleep was going to help his case anyway.

He liked to think of it as penance.

As always, he jumped up from the bed in cold sweat. And from the cross look on his girlfriend’s face, he must’ve woken her up on accident as well.

“I’m...I’m sorry Jen,” He turned a bit to rub at her naked shoulder, and hoped the action would coax her back to sleep, “ Just another one of those falling dreams..”

“Hmrrph..” She shrugged off his hand, and turned to face away from him. Thankfully, it didn’t take much for her eyes to close once again.

Tom sighed, and rubbed at his face tiredly. Whenever he had that dream...he could never fall back to sleep. It was as if all the emotions of that day were renewed, and it was hard to shake them off until morning.

His therapist suggested he acknowledge what he felt, during this time. The sorrow. The regret. The guilt. The gut-wrenching pain.

And if he were to be completely honest, it worked most days.

Often, he would find himself scribbling away at his personal journal at 3 am, nursing a cup of tea.

He wrote about how much he wished he could reverse time. The words he could have taken back, and the words he could have said instead. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, and that he regretted ever leaving her.

Helena. Her name was Helena, but he could never bring himself to write it out. Just referred to her vaguely with pronouns.

But tonight...he couldn’t even bring himself to write. The dream was especially vivid this time around, to a disturbing degree. He could even smell the stench.

What’s worse, that smell was just as he remembered it three years ago.

Tom resisted the urge to throw up at the thought of it, and stumbled out of bed to the bathroom. He turned on the sink, and splashed the coldest water he could onto his face.

That probably wasn’t the best thing to do, either. He could still see her, swaying in that dark room against his closed eyelids.

His eyes shot open immediately, and he found himself dry heaving into the sink.

“Fuck…” he cursed silently, as his eyes began to well with tears.

It was going to be another one of those nights, and the only thing he could do was suffer through the dark memories until morning.

Slowly, he made his way to the kitchen. There was little tea could do at this stage, but it was a welcomed distraction.

“You’re really leaving...aren’t you?”

Her voice was soft, softer than it usually was.

All the yelling and screaming must have destroyed every malice she could have mustered in her body.

Her dark brown eyes were downcast, red-rimmed with sorrow.

“Lena. No...Helena. I never wanted for any of this to happen.” Although Tom intended to sound a bit caring, the words left his mouth with harsh coldness.

“I love Jen too much. Too much to stay...I’m sorry. Please understand.”

His wife looked up at him then. Her chapped lips trembled immensely with bridled anger. And even though her long hair was rather unkempt, he could still see the glare she sent his way through her bangs.

“Five...f..five years Tom. You’re r-really going to...to throw it all away for that..for..for her?”

Tears spilled from her eyes as she stuttered in anguish, and she fisted the fabric of her dress painfully as she continued, “ I... I love you so much, Tommy. I never meant anything I said...I was sick and -“

“Stop with that!” Helena was startled, and she stared up at him with wide eyes. Throughout their argument, this was the first time he had yelled so loudly at her.

His eyes were narrowed, shoulders squared. He was the embodiment of hostility.

“Don’t say things that you don’t fucking mean.”

Tom didn’t wait for her to reply. He grabbed his jacket, and left the house with a slam to the door. He’d pick up his belongings later, after he cooled down.

Although Helena infuriated him, he could never forgive himself if he hurt her physically. A part of him still loved her, even if it was small.

They were married for five years after all. He couldn’t necessarily forget it all, no matter how much he wished it was possible.

Their marriage...it was a happy one, at first. He remembered the day when he met her, how stunned he was by her beauty and tenderness.

He loved how her brown eyes looked against the sunlight, and the lone dimple that revealed itself when she smiled. He loved her gentle voice, when she would tell him about her day. Everything. He loved everything about this woman. Down from the hair, right to the toes.

However… things took a sharp turn for the worst when she became ill.

The doctors were clueless about what it was. It attacked her body so quickly and suddenly, no one could do much to help her ailing health.

Slowly but surely, she began to lose her glow.

Her smiling face was replaced with an ugly snarl, her body became skin and bones, and her kind words transformed into insults that aimed to shred at his heart.

She pushed him away with every chance she could, when all he wanted was to be there for the woman he loved.

So, who could blame him for straying?

Jennifer was kind, new, and beautiful. Everything that Helena was, but now wasn’t.

It didn’t matter to him that she was good friends with his wife. Surely, Helena would rather it be Jen than some stranger.

But now, she wanted to take back all those words of hatred, and backtrack like a coward. She begged for him to stay, despite all the times she pushed him away.

Her insults drove away the guilt whenever he went to Jennifer for solace. But if she decided to just take it all back now… where did that leave him?

Tom stewed like that for hours, walking about the neighborhood before he decided to make his way back to the house. It was late morning when he left, but the skies were already starting to darken.

Time flies when you’re upset, it seemed.

He readied and steeled himself to face her again. He was going to pack the rest of his things, and then leave.

For good this time.

But he hated that his heart still ached at the thought of it, despite everything that she put him through.

Tom entered the house cautiously, and searched for any signs of his wife. When he left, she was still sitting on the living room couch. Hours had gone by, so he wasn’t sure why he still expected her to be there.

Worst case scenario, she was in their bedroom. With how erratic she’d been acting lately, it wouldn’t be a surprise if she tried to prevent him from leaving.

Best case scenario, she was asleep in there. Her illness made her extremely weak, which caused her to sleep more often than not.

Tom found himself in front of the door, hand frozen on the knob.

He was tired, tired from all the fighting. If possible, he wanted to ignore her as he quietly gathered his things together.

With these thoughts in mind, he opened the door -

To the sight of Helena’s feet hovering above the floor.

“Tom, Tom? Thomas!”

He jumped from the kitchen table, and knocked his knee on it in surprise.

He grimaced, and looked up at Jennifer who gave him a worried look.

“Why are you out here? You even fell asleep..”

Tom looked around his surroundings, disoriented. He fell asleep?

He remembered coming to the kitchen to make some tea for his nerves. But before he realized it…

“I’m not sure how that happened...I’m sorry Jen.”

“..It’s okay, Tom. Are you feeling okay..?” She placed her hand on his forehead, her voice tinged with concern, “ You can call out sick, you know? Talk to me,”

Tom stiffened. He contemplated many times, talking to Jennifer about his dreams. But...she had been badly affected by Helena’s death as well.

She was friends with her, after all. Jen felt just as much guilt and shame that he did.

But Jennifer refused to talk about it, about her. Her way of coping was to forget Helena ever existed for her own sanity.

They were both monsters, monsters who drove the one they cared about to her death. They truly deserved one another.

Tom only shook his head at her question, and attempted to reassure her with a weak smile, “I’m fine, honest. But I’ll call out today...I’ve been working too much at the office.”

Jennifer didn’t pursue the topic any further, and returned his smile. “ Thank gosh, you’ve been taking way too many hours. Just relax for once,”

He watched as she moved about the kitchen through tired eyes, to fix herself some coffee. “There’s some mail on the table, by the way. I picked them up before I came in here.”

Now that she mentioned it, there was a small pile of envelopes on the table. He looked at them all indifferently, and dismissed the majority of them as junk or bills.

“..I’ll sift through them. Make me a cup as well, would you?”

He dragged the pile in front of him, and wiped his eyes to take away some of the droopiness.

He cracked his neck, and massaged his shoulder with a hand as he began to look through the mail. Like he expected, there were some bills, some junk… and..

A beige, worn out envelope that was sealed with red wax.

But the look of the envelope wasn’t what caught his eyes. It was the name on it that caused Tom’s throat to go dry, and his sweat to grow cold.

From: Helena

There wasn’t a return address, just her name.

Was this some sort of sick joke?

Unless it was possible for a dead woman to send letters, then the likelihood that it was his Helena that sent it was extremely low.

Still though...his hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Why did he feel so terrified?

First the nightmares, now this.

“Hey..everything okay?” Jen placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of him, and sat at the table, “You’ve been staring at that for a good minute now...is the bill that much?”

She took a sip of her own coffee, her voice lightly teasing.

“What? Oh, no, it’s nothing,” Tom quickly snapped out of it, and tossed the envelope aside as casually as he could, “Just some junk.”

Tom wasn’t sure what possessed him to take the envelope with him on his run.

Despite everything that told him to leave it closed, to leave it unread, he also felt the urgent need to keep it by his side.

He ran through a secluded park, with the envelope stuffed in his jacket pocket. If he was going to read it, he didn’t want Jennifer to know. Especially if it was actually from... her.

There was a drizzle earlier on, so the park benches were rather wet. However, he didn’t care as he plopped down to sit, and reached into his jacket pocket for the envelope.

A stray droplet of water from the overhanging tree fell on the envelope, as he sat and stared at it in silence.

Tom felt that he was probably overreacting. No, he most definitely was. There was no way on earth it was from his Helena. The same Helena who he still loved, to this very day. The same woman who took her own life that fateful evening.

He was only going to set himself for extreme disappointment if he hoped for that much.

Tom held his breath, and tore open the envelope without any regard for the wax seal.

And as he read its contents, the entire world came to a standstill.

In my restless dreams,

I see that town.

Silent Hill.

You promised me you'd take me

there again someday.

But you never did.

Well, I'm alone there now...

In our 'special place'...

Waiting for you...

Waiting for you to come to see me.

I know I’ve done some terrible things to you.

Something you’ll never forgive me for.

I wish I could change that, but I can’t.

I just...didn’t want you to see me like that anymore.

That ugly, repulsive me.

I was so angry all the time, and I

struck out at everyone I loved most.

Especially you, Tommy.

That's why I understand if you hate me, even now.

But I want you to know this.

I'll always love you.

And I want to see you, no matter how long it takes.

I’ll always be here…waiting.

With love,

Lena

He remembered her handwriting.  Her letters were always scribbled elegantly, but felt rushed at the same time. This was written by her. There was no doubt about it in his soul. He could even hear her gentle voice as he read it.

The emotions Tom currently felt was like a kaleidoscope. Confusion, hope. Sorrow, fear. And above all, excitement.

Excitement, at the small, unlikely chance that she was still alive.

Even if it didn’t make sense, even if it went against all reason. Even if he had been the one to pull her dead body from the ceiling himself.

If he had the chance to see her again...just once more…

He was going to take it.

-----

Tom vaguely remembered that town she spoke of, in the letter.

Silent hill.

They went there once, for their honeymoon. It was a foggy little town, ways out in the middle of nowhere. Although it was scarcely populated, it was beautiful.

Helena had a strange obsession with the town, and she begged him constantly to take her back. But he was the type to enjoy the hustle and bustle of people, and the town was far too quiet for his liking.

Quiet to the point of being unsettling.

So although she begged him practically every year, he would always dredge up some excuse as to why they couldn’t go.

But now here he was, on his way to that very town against all sense.

“This place...isn’t it a bit too creepy for a resort?” Jennifer’s voice broke the silence in the car, and reminded him that he was not alone. Her eyes were trained outside the window, with furrowed brows.

Tom ground his teeth in frustration. He couldn’t come up with a proper excuse, as to why he wanted to leave so suddenly without arousing suspicion.

So...he disguised the trip as a mini-vacation, for the both of them. It would have been extremely preferable if he came alone... but he’d figure something out, eventually.

“It’s supposed to be a quiet, peaceful getaway. We’ve been needing some of that for a while now,” Tom said, in a nonchalant tone. “Besides, it’s only for a day or two.”

“Eh...I guess,” Jennifer still sounded thoroughly unconvinced, as they passed by the dilapidated welcome sign of the town. “I just thought it’d be, I don’t know...well kept?”

“It’s a part of the charm.” Tom wasn’t sure if he wanted to convince her, or himself with that statement.

Jen had a point. It’s been years since he came to this place, but he remembered that there was a decent amount of people that lived here.

Although the area was indeed very quiet...it definitely wasn’t a ghost town like he was seeing.

They were well inside the town now, but they still had yet to see anyone. The oppressive fog didn’t help matters either. He glanced down at the map on his lap, just to make sure they were going in the right direction.

“Hey...do you think we should just turn around? It looks pretty abandoned,”

Jennifer worried at her lip, her expression uncertain.

“...Like I said. A part of the charm. We’ll see some people, eventually.”

He could feel her anxiety from the passenger seat, and it started to affect his own mood.

The only thing that kept him from turning the car around, was Helena. The prospect of possibly seeing her again was too great a temptation.

But the question is...where was she, exactly?

Helena mentioned something about a ‘special’ place in the letter. That she’d be waiting for him there. But there were just so many possibilities… because this whole town was their special place.

Did she mean the park, by the lake? They would spend hours sitting on the bench...just the two of them, staring at the water. In their own little world.

Could Helena truly be alive...waiting for him there? The man who betrayed her so cruelly?

“Tom...Tom!!”

At Jen's sudden screech, Tom hit the brakes immediately, which caused the car to lurch forward violently.

He looked at her, as his heart thrummed against his chest, “What, what is it!”

“There.. right there, there was... there was..!”

She looked absolutely terrified, as she stared outside of the passenger window.

“Jen, calm down! What did you see?”

She didn’t look at him at all, and continued to stare outside the window, “In the fog. I saw a lady..and she.. she looked like… she was just right there..!”

Tom couldn’t make sense of what she wanted to say at all. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and addressed her once again, “I know you’re paranoid, Jen. But please, just calm down. It was probably just a resident.”

He really wished he came here alone all the more.

Jennifer was really shaken up, for whatever reason. And she went silent for the rest of the ride. Though, he certainly wasn’t about to complain about that.

Eventually, they saw a large building in the distance, right alongside the lake they’d been driving by.

Lake View Hotel. The same hotel where he stayed with Helena, on their honeymoon.

“...We’re here.”

Tom parked right by the curb of the sidewalk, a reasonable distance from the building.

But...something wasn’t quite right.

When he first came here with Helena, he clearly remembered that the hotel was on the other side of the lake, and they had to cross it with a rowboat. It was surrounded by a body of water, after all. And it was only accessible by a boardwalk.

However, the building was on this side instead. Completely opposite from what he remembered.

He decided not to think too deeply about it, though. Years had passed, and things might’ve changed.

“Wait, we’re getting out here?!” Jennifer asked in disbelief, her voice raised. The area was run-down, foggy, and quite frankly, disgusting. Tom couldn’t even blame her for her discomfort.

“Yes, Jen. There’s nowhere else to park,” he said, and exited the car first. “Come on, before it starts to get dark.”

Jennifer left the car with extreme hesitancy, and crossed her arms to hug herself. “Tom...this...this is like a freaking ghost town! Are you sure we can’t just...go somewhere else?” She tried to reason with him...but it was like he was another person entirely when he replied.

“If that’s what you want to do, I won’t stop you. Take the car.” He answered curtly, and began to walk ahead of her.

“I...what? Wait, please, Tom!” She ran up to him, and grabbed his arm, “What do you mean take the car?! You know I can’t drive. And I can’t just leave you behind! This...this isn’t like you,” Jennifer attempted to turn him towards her, but he remained stiff.

“...Did you ever really know me, Jen?”

When he finally looked at her, Jennifer took a step back due to his scary expression. “Because I don’t think you do. Not like Lena did anyway.”

“Len...Helena? Why..what does she have to do with this?!”

Jen immediately went on the defensive, and matched his hostile energy.

“She has everything to do with this! You were her friend, and she was my wife. Yet you refuse to even talk about her-”

“She killed herself! She left us behind! Even before that, she treated you like shit! She broke your heart...and I was the one who picked up the fucking pieces!”

The argument had escalated extremely quickly. But Tom didn’t care.

“How..how fucking dar-”

Tom didn’t even get to finish his sentence. He had blinked his eyes for even less than a second.

And then she was gone.

Tom was stunned, and didn’t register what happened.

His mouth was left open as the sentence died on his lips.

“Huh..?”

He looked around disoriented, whiplashed, and confused.

What? How? Where..What?

These were the questions that ran rampant inside his mind, as he looked about frantically for the woman he was just fighting with.

Jennifer was just right there, in front of him. He even remembered her angered expression clearly. But he had barely blinked his eyes before she disappeared into thin air.

She didn’t even scream.

Tom’s bones were weak from fear and confusion. He felt nauseous.

“..Jen? Jennifer? Jennifer!” He began to walk ahead, almost running, and screamed into the fog.

He walked around the area, and yelled her name like that for what felt like hours. But what answered him back were the endless echoes beyond the mist.

“Where...where the hell..?” Tom was out of breath, his body wrought with fear and exhaustion. He brought his hands to his knees and hunched over.

He came here to find Helena. He just wanted to see his wife again, to talk to her one last time. Even if it were some sort of delusion he concocted to stay sane.

But now..even Jennifer was...

He tried not to think about that possibility. Jennifer had to be alright. She had somewhere in this godforsaken town.  

Tom looked up from his knees, and up at the large building ahead. Lakeview hotel.

He was going to start there.

Inside the hotel was a stark contrast to the rest of the town. While the outside was in a state of disrepair...the inside of the hotel remained untouched by time. In fact...it was just as he remembered.

The only difference was...the lights were almost dim to the point of darkness, and he needed to use his phone light for added visibility.

“Jennifer..? Are you in here?” Tom called out, as he walked the halls of the hotel. He passed the receptionist’s desk, and moved towards the elevator in the distance.

Despite the apparent lack of proper electricity, it still seemed to function perfectly.

According to the elevator, there were six floors in total.

And without hesitation, he immediately chose the third floor.

Jennifer could have been on the first two floors, for all he knew. He could have searched every room, every corner.

However..he and Helena stayed in room 312 for their honeymoon.

It was a beautiful room, he remembered. There were large windows, and the view of the lake was extraordinary.

As Tom felt the elevator move, and watched as the numbers slowly rose to three...he recalled a memory.

“Goodness...isn’t it beautiful, Tommy?”

Tom watched as his beloved sat by the window, her hand pressed against the glass.

“I’m so glad we came here...it’s peaceful.”

He laughed, and moved closer to sit next to his wife. He draped his arms around her shoulders, and pulled her closely to his chest.

“I think it’s a bit too peaceful, though. I’m not sure how you convinced me to come, but,”

Tom breathed in the scent of her hair, and closed his eyes. “I agree, it is beautiful. Hazy and mysterious, just like a dream. It reminds me of you.”

Her embarrassed laugh echoed throughout the room, and she nuzzled her head further into his neck. “Hehe...you’re such a charmer.”

She tightened her arms around his body. Her next words were whispered faintly, but he heard her clearly through the quiet of the room.

“But if this is a dream...I don’t ever want to wake up.”

Tom stood inside the room. By the large window, was a figure.

Her hair was a short, dusty blonde, and she wore a white floral dress.

The same dress that Helena wore that day on their honeymoon.

However...his wife was far from blonde.

The only blonde he knew was Jennifer.

“Jen..Jennifer? Is that you..?” She turned to look at him, instead of the window.

As soon as he saw her face, his suspicions were confirmed.

“Oh.. oh thank goodness,” Tom breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that his hunch was correct. He didn’t know why she suddenly appeared in this room, but was pleased that he found her this quickly.

“Jen, you were right. We..we shouldn’t stay here…”

Jennifer only looked at him with a confused expression, and approached him with an air of worry.

“Tommy, did something happen to you? Are you...confusing me with someone else?”

Tom looked at her like she was crazy. “What? Jen, what are you on about..? And why are you wearing that..”

Jennifer had never, not once, referred to him as ‘Tommy’ in the three years they had been together. That was Helena’s endearment, and no one else’s.

She giggled, the sound of it melodic and gentle. “Oh, Tommy...you were always so forgetful. Remember that time, when you got lost trying to find our room at this hotel? I almost had to call a search party!”

She laughed once again, this time unrestrained. He recognized that beautiful laughter.

“Aren’t…” Tom’s throat felt impossibly dry. “Aren’t you Jennifer?”

Jennifer went silent. Her smile deepened, and her eyes darkened from their previous shade of blue.

“It doesn’t matter who I am. I’m here for you, Tom.”

He didn’t move an inch as she approached him.

Slowly, she removed the straps of her dress.

He allowed her to take his hand, and she placed it on top of her naked chest.

Tom didn’t realize it, but his face was drenched with tears. He squeezed the softness of her flesh, and his nails dug to the point it drew blood.

It was warm. He held his blood-stained fingers up to his face.

Before him, stood a woman with dark brown eyes, that would reflect beautifully against the sun.

Before him, stood a woman with the gentlest voice.

Before him, stood a woman with long dark hair, that ended right below her shoulders.

Helena smiled a sickly sweet smile. She took his hand once again, and moved it to cup her face.

“...See? I’m real.”

[yeahwellyourface]

MOVIE REVIEW TIME!! A Little Chaos and Far From The Madding Crowd

I had a Matthias Schoenaerts weekend cause the boy can get it. Both of these movies were already on my list, but when I realized he was in them, they jumped to the top. So, here we go.

A Little Chaos

Available on Netflix. Directed by Alan Rickman. Stars: Kate Winslet, Matthias Schoenaerts, Alan Rickman, Stanley Tucci, Helen McCrory, and Jennifer Ehle

IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2639254/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0

This one has been on my list for awhile but I really wasn’t in the mood for a depressing period piece. FYI, it is not a depressing period piece. In fact, the word I think works best for describing it is “cute.” It is not a great film, but it is very enjoyable. I smiled through most of it and then when I turned it off, I realized I was still smiling.

The basic plot is that French king Louis XIV is building Versailles and his head gardener, Andre Le Notre, is hiring different gardeners to do different parts of the whole since it is a whole lotta shit. Against his original idea, he hires Madame Sabine de Barra to create a section of the garden that will basically be an outdoor ballroom. She doesn’t do well at court, but some people still like her, some don’t. Given that there is an actual outdoor ballroom at Versailles, I don’t think I’m giving anything away by saying that she eventually builds it (although in actuality, it was not built by a woman…unfortunately). But that’s it. It is a very simple little movie. It is full of tropes and could be quite stupid but the amazing cast makes it charming instead.

So, the fantastic cast…everyone is basically doing exactly what you want them to do. Kate Winslet as Sabine de Barra plays a woman who has been through some shit but is gonna get things done her way and it is no use to try and stop her. She is better than you. Just accept it. Matthias Schoenaerts as Andre Le Notre is mainly there to look pretty (difficult with that horrible hair, but he can do it) and worship de Barra as she deserves. Alan Rickman plays Louis XIV because why the fuck not. Stanley Tucci plays the king’s outlandish bisexual brother who adores both his wife and his young lover. He was in the movie for like 10 minutes and was the best thing ever. Seriously, we need to protect Stanley Tucci at all costs. Helen McCrory is Madame Le Notre and is a bad bitch as only she can be. I bow down to her. Jennifer Ehle plays against type as the flighty mistress to the king. I thought I was going to hate her because the character was supposed to be annoying at first, but I ended up loving her too.

So, yeah. Not a movie to go nuts over, but if you are curled up on the couch one afternoon and want something light and sweet, this will do the trick.

Far From The Madding Crowd

Available on Amazon (but you have to pay for it, even with prime). Based on the novel by Thomas Hardy. Directed by Thomas Vinterberg. Stars: Carey Mulligan, Matthias Schoenaerts, Michael Sheen, Tom Sturridge, Juno Temple.

IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2935476/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0

This is another one I’ve been considering for awhile. See that bit above where it says “Based on the novel by Thomas Hardy?” Yeah….that’s why I was putting it off. Now, it’s not that I dislike Thomas Hardy. I actually enjoyed Return of the Native…kinda. But his stuff is very much overdramatic, windswept English countryside. And damn, if that is not something that I am always willing to go for. But I’d do it for Matthias Schoenaerts. So I did.

So, here is the basic plot if you’ve never read the book (and I actually haven’t, but I’ve read about it…does that count?)…young woman, Bathsheba Everdene, with a middle-to-upper class education lives with family on a farm because her parents died. She meets a young man, Gabriel Oak, and then enjoy hanging out and working on the farm together. He has land that is almost paid off and a bunch of sheep. Her aunt owns the land that they live on and work. He falls in love and asks her to marry him. She says no, she doesn’t want to get married and be tied down to a husband. Immediately after, their fortunes reverse. He loses all his sheep (and it’s kinda horrible and depressing, so if you need to look away, I understand) and his land. She inherits a pretty nice farm and is no longer dependent on family. He’s wandering looking for work and accidentally stumbles on her new farm and gets a job as a shepherd there.

Now that she is moving among the landed class, she meets the next door neighbor, Mr. Boldwood, who falls in love with her (the way that happens is she plays a prank on him and is generally an asshole and hurts him and damn, woman, wtf, that was mean…but she does apologize). He asks her to marry him. She says she’ll think about it.

Mixed in with this, we see a side story about an army sergeant and his pretty sweetheart, who used to work at the Everdene farm but ran away to be with the guy…never a good move. They were supposed to get married, but she went to the wrong church. By the time she gets to the right church, he thinks she stood him up and has left. She is now destitute since she left her friends and family. This was another scene where I couldn’t bear to watch. I knew what was going to happen and seeing them both so happy getting ready for the wedding just broke my heart, so I fast forwarded. Sue me.

Anyway, army sergeant Frank Troy is now wandering drunk around the countryside brokenhearted and literally runs into Miss Everdene. She thinks he’s cute and decides to meet up with him. He shows off flashy sword moves and then kisses her and pulls a trump and then runs off. Because we do stupid things sometimes, she is completely charmed by him and runs away to marry him.

Now, through all of this, Mr. Oak has worked for her and been there for her and tried to help her and give advice. He points out that she was an asshole to Mr. Boldwood and she gets pissed at him for telling her because she knows she was and she doesn’t want to be told. He knows that Sergeant Troy is an asshole and tries to convince Miss Everdene to stay away from him but she doesn’t.

Literally at her wedding dinner with Sergeant Troy, Miss Everdene (Mrs. Troy now) realizes that she married and asshole. But she’s stuck with him.

If you really want me to tell you the rest in detail, I will. But basically, she has to deal with an asshole husband, a rich neighbor who is still in love with her (and kinda off his rocker about it), and the shepherd who has loved her for years and been there to support her even when she was an asshole to him. I wonder who she will end up with?!?!Okay, now for the movie. It was just okay. Like, I’ve read the first couple chapters of the book and there is SO MUCH INFORMATION that cannot be put into a movie. There is just not enough time. This is the problem with turning a book into a movie. They have to skip so much that they can end up leaving a lot of it flat. We see Miss Everdene be a good person several times. But we also see her be an asshole. I wish we had been able to see her more indepth. But there wasn’t time. I never felt fully connected to her. When she was being good, I liked her. When she was being an asshole, I disliked her. There was no continuity between those feelings. The movie never gave me a chance to feel conflicted over her. It was all surface feelings. Carey Mulligan does a good enough job for what she is given. But the best relationship is between her and her companion. That’s the only string that carries through with that character.

Matthias Schoenaerts is beautiful, of course. He is the solid character that all the others are whirling around. He is a big man, much bigger and taller than Carey Mulligan and Michael Sheen, but you can see how he curls his shoulders down to give the two of them more power as he is lower class than they are. There is a scene between him and Michael Sheen near the end where he straightens Sheen’s tie, and I think that is the only moment between those two where Schoenaerts stands up straight, as for a moment, they are almost equals. However, by the end of the scene, he is curled in again. It’s really interesting on the choices made there. Because when he is not in a position where he is “under” them, when he is working and being damn good at his job, he is standing up straight. It’s fascinating to see the difference between the two sides of this character.

Michael Sheen. Oh goodness, Michael Sheen. He did so much better for this character than this movie deserved. I love this man and he is so good as an actor, but this character is a bit out there. I wonder how much of his bipolarness is in the book. Cause the character is all over the place in the movie. He goes from one extreme to the next. And yes, some of the plot points are definitely from the book, but the in between stuff….is he really like that? So, Sheen does a great job with what he is given, again. But the character is just so weird and again, very little continuity throughout.

Tom Sturridge plays Sergeant Troy. This character is a huge asshole and Tom Sturridge plays him perfectly. If I met Tom Sturridge on the street, I would want to slap him because I hate him. That is a good sign for an actor.

Juno Temple…another one I love. She is slowly becoming a bigger name, but deserves so much more. In this, she plays Fannie, Sergeant Troy’s first sweetheart. He didn’t deserve her. And I love Juno Temple, so she can do no wrong.

Overall, it’s an okay movie. I won’t pay for it again. I rented it and I’m glad I didn’t buy it. But if it comes on tv, I’ll watch it. If you want to watch it, you won’t hate it. But I don’t recommend running out and grabbing it any which way. The cinematography was BEAUTIFUL. The way they used light was lovely.

So, since I mentioned Matthias Schoenaerts as my reason for going ahead and watching these, lemme talk about my feelings for him in these. He is very strange. Watching interviews with him and seeing his artwork, he seems to be a ball of chaotic energy, but in both of these movies, he is the calm figure that the others bounce around. I watched the beginning of Rust and Bone, but then my internet went out and I wasn’t able to finish it without paying for it again (which I intend to do). And of course, I ADORE The Old Guard. That’s another one where he plays against what seems to be his personality type. I also love The Drop (seriously, one of my all-time favorite movies and if you haven’t seen it, go watch it NOW). That character seems to be a bit more on his level with the chaos, but I hope not with the assholeishness.

Either way, he was stunningly beautiful in these movies. Kate Winslet adored working with him and says that he was so sweet about their sex scene because she was pregnant and felt like shit. His hair is awful in A Little Chaos, but I’ll forgive him, this time.

Anyway, watch A Little Chaos at some point. And I guess you should watch Far From The Madding Crowd at some point too, but don’t pay for it if you don’t have to. Go watch The Old Guard and The Drop RIGHT NOW. Those are much better movies of his. Go watch Rust and Bone and I will watch the rest of it soon.

In A Little Chaos.  Seriously....why would they do this with his hair.

And in Far From The Madding Crowd.  See....much better. And I see you, dude in the background looking at him. I agree, he is definitely a snack.

[robinrunsfiction]

Hi!! I was new here and read some stuff of yours and I'm?? Impressed of them?? Great job!! So, uhh, if you don't really mind, would you be in the mood of writing a Mikey Way x female reader where the reader has a really nice friend (with who they hang out much) so Mikey gets jealous and tries to impress her with every way? Sorry if this is too specific, I loved your writing preety much!! And, oh! Put some angst and fluff if you can! Love yaa!! ♡♡♡♡♡

And It's Our Time Now If You Want It To Be

Pairing: Mikey Way x Female Reader Rating: General Requested By: Anon Word Count: 2300 exactly Author’s Note: Shout out to my friends for again appearing in stories they will never know exist! I hope that this is what you were looking for anon! Shout out to @mariawritesfanfic for giving me direction in the middle

Mikey walked into the crowded party and looked around for a familiar face. He'd been away on tour for a few months and the one thing that kept him sane between soundchecks and shows and interviews and the long nights alone on the bus was (YN). The guys liked to give him shit for constantly texting her, especially since they weren't even going out, but Mikey didn't care. (YN) was his anchor in the storm of craziness that was life in a massively popular touring band.

Finally he spotted her, but as he crossed the room to her, it was as if time slowed down. She was talking excitedly to some guy he'd never seen before, touching his arm, head tossed back as she laughed. Mikey felt his heart jump up in his throat as he paused, wondering if he should just leave. He told her he'd meet her here, but he left out that it was because he wanted to tell her in person how much she meant to him and to see if she'd be willing to take a chance with him.

He must have been staring too long, as (YN) looked his way and her face lit up in a grin as she rushed over to him, throwing her arms around him in a big hug. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her as well, taking the opportunity that he feared he might not get again.

"Mikey! I missed you so much!" She exclaimed as she pulled back.

"Me too, I mean, I missed you too," he laughed self-consciously. Despite usually being pretty smooth when flirting with someone, seeing (YN) in person short-circuited his brain. 

To his relief she just laughed as she looked up at him. "Oh your hair is getting long, I like it like that!"

"Then I'll cancel my haircut tomorrow," he replied.

"Good, then we can all hang out!" 

"Is something going on?"

"Come here," she said tugging on his arm. To his dismay they were going over to the guy she had been talking to before. "Mikey, this is Nate."

Nate extended his hand in greeting. "Hey, nice to meet you."

"Hey," Mikey replied curtly as he shook his hand.

(YN)'s eyes flicked between the men. "Nate just moved out here last month for work. We went to high school together, played in the orchestra and went to prom together too, all that kinda stuff," (YN) explained with a wave of her hand.

"Yea, we were just talking about the weird game we used to play at lunch," Nate replied.

"And I still think we can make it into a drinking game," (YN) shrugged. "Anyway, like I was saying before, I'm getting a few people together for dinner tomorrow at Fresco, can you make it? You said you're gonna cancel your haircut," (YN) smiled up at Mikey and his stomach did a flip.

"Yea, I can be there," Mikey nodded. (YN) might not know it, but she could ask him to do anything and he would agree to it.

"Great!" She grinned as she gave his arm a squeeze as her hand lingered.

"Hey (YN), it's getting kinda late," Nate said cut in politely. 

"Oh, right, you got work tomorrow," (YN) replied. "Mikey, I'm so glad I got to see you even if it was just for a second, I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

Mikey smiled halfheartedly. "Yea, see ya," he replied as she leaned in and gave him a quick hug. 

And then he watched as the girl of his dreams left with another man.

~

The next night Mikey arrived at the restaurant and spotted (YN) sitting next to Nate in a large corner booth. They were engrossed in their conversation until he walked up.

“Hey Mikey! Sit!” (YN) greeted him, patting the spot next to her. He couldn’t help but feel relieved that she still wanted him near her, even if Nate was on her other side. “We’re just waiting for a couple of others. But Mikey, I was just telling Nate how much you and Gee play D&D. Nate plays too, maybe you could, I dunno, play together? I don’t get how any of that stuff works,” (YN) said with a shake of her head as she sat back so they could see each other better.

“Umm yea we play a lot,” Mikey replied. He understood that she was trying to be nice to Nate, but he really didn’t want to have to spend any more time with the guy than he had to.

“Cool, what do you play?” Nate asked, he seemed genuinely interested.

“Human cleric,” he answered.

“Nice. I have an elf wizard character I usually play,” Nate replied.

“I don’t know what any of this means,” (YN) shook her head. “Why do I hang out with such nerds?”

“Who’s a nerd?” Mikey looked up and recognized a couple of (YN)’s other friends.

“These two!” (YN) laughed. “Eli, Jennifer, this is Nate. Nate, these are my friends Eli and Jennifer.”

They exchanged hellos as they slid into the other end of the booth and soon after the waiter came to take their orders. The conversation shifted from D&D to less nerdy topics, but Mikey was barely listening anyway until he felt (YN)’s knee bump against his under the table. 

“Mikey,” (YN) whispered.

“Hmm?” He snapped back to attention.

“I was asking how your tour went? (YN) was telling us about it,” Jennifer asked again.

He glanced over at (YN), who was looking back at him eagerly, and realized that her knee was still pressed against his. Maybe it was nothing, but he couldn’t help but feel like it was something and he had a thought. If he had a snowball’s chance in hell with (YN), he’d need to impress her, make her realize that he was better than Nate in some way.

“It was awesome. They were the biggest shows we’ve ever done as headliners and it was so amazing playing to these giant sold out crowds every night.”

“That’s awesome,” Nate commented, clearly impressed. “Are you constantly busy when you’re touring?”

“When he’s not busy texting (YN) all day while she’s at work,” Jennifer said with a smirk. He glanced over at (YN) and saw she was blushing and looking down.

“I mean,” (YN) started, but then the waiter came back with the check. As soon as they set it on the table Mikey grabbed it as (YN) started to reach for it. 

"I got it."

“Oh, I was actually gonna take care of it, as a thank you to (YN) for introducing me to so many cool people out here. I was really feeling lonely until we reconnected,” Nate said with a smile.

“Guys, it’s fine, I organized the dinner, I can take care of it,” (YN) insisted.

“I feel like I should argue that I should take the check, but,” Jennifer shrugged.

“Right?” Eli laughed.

“I insist,” Nate said to Mikey..

“No, allow me,” Mikey replied, digging out his wallet for his credit card.

"You don't have to do that," (YN) replied with a shake of her head.

“I’m happy to do it,” he replied.

“Thanks Mikey,” Nate smiled over at him, and everyone chimed in their thanks. Mikey glanced back at (YN). She was looking back at him a with an expression that was a mix of amusement and exasperation, but her knee was still against his under the table

~

It had been a few weeks since he had gotten back from being on tour, and while Mikey had gotten to hang out with (YN) it was never alone as it seemed Nate was always around, along with Eli and a few others. He started bringing Ray along because he thought he might as well have back up, but unfortunately Ray and Nate also seemed to get along splendidly. That was part of the problem; Nate was so nice, it was hard for him to find fault with the guy, other than he was with the girl he loved. But despite his frustrations, he didn't want to get in the way of (YN)’s happiness with Nate.

It was late morning, but Mikey was still feeling half asleep as he dragged himself into Starbucks. The cafe was busy, even for a Saturday, and as he waited for his drink, he glanced around at the other patrons. Suddenly he realized he recognized two of them at the table by the window and his heart leapt into his throat.

It was Nate, sitting at a table with a girl that was not (YN). When he looked again, he realized it was her friend Eli. He tried not to stare, but couldn't help stealing glances. They were very clearly holding hands, then they were getting up, and he was pressing a kiss to her temple before wrapping his arm around her waist and walking out together.

Mikey's head was spinning. He didn't want to know this. He didn't want to break (YN)'s heart or make her think he was lying to her because he was jealous. What felt like an eternity later, his drink was ready. As he walked back to his car, he decided he had to do what was right, what he would hope a true friend would do for him.

~

"Hey Mikey, what are you doing here?" She asked when she opened the door. He had driven around for an hour before he worked up the nerve to go to her house. 

"Can we talk?" 

"Yea, come in," she said ushering him in.

They sat down on the couch and he drew in a deep breath. "I have something to tell you and I don't want to, but you deserve to know."

"What? What is going on?" She asked, her voice becoming strained with nerves.

"I was at Starbucks this morning and I saw Nate with Eli. It looked like they were on a date because they were holding hands and he had his arm around her, the whole thing. I'm so sorry, but you deserve to know."

Relief flooded across (YN)’s face in an instant. “Well I should hope so! She told me she was going to spend the day with him today.”

It was Mikey's turn to be stunned. "But, wait, I thought you and him were going out."

"Pfft, no. We kinda went out in high school, but we're just friends now,” she said with a dismissive wave.

"Shit," he laughed, running his hand through his hair. Then the relief he felt turned to embarrassment.

"Wait, is that why you've been acting so weird since you came back from tour?" She asked, her eyes narrowing as a smirk started to cross her face.

"Whaddya mean?" He replied, trying to sound calm, but his heart was hammering in his chest.

"I wanted to introduce you to Nate because I thought you'd really get along, but you froze him out! And then you kept trying to one up him all the time, like that time picking up the check for the table."

Mikey sat back and shrugged, trying to keep his poker face. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do. Come on Mikey, just tell me what is going on with you. I was so looking forward to you being home, but everything has been so weird since you got back."

Mikey drew in another deep breath, recalling everything he intended to say that night at the party. "It's because... You're one of the most important people in my life and when I was on the road, knowing I could talk to you when shit got overwhelming or boring or I couldn't sleep, it kept me sane. That night at the party I wanted to tell you all that, but I thought you were with him and I didn't want to ruin something if you were happy. I just want the best for you."

"I should have clarified that night, I'm so sorry if you were hurt thinking me and Nate were together," she said softly. "But you really want the best for me, regardless of how it left you feeling, huh?"

Mikey looked down, it was now or never. "Yea, because that's what you do for the person you love." When he finally looked back up, (YN) looked stunned, but was smiling.

"I was really hoping that was the reason," she replied, shifting over so she was sitting knee to knee with him, and taking his hand. "Because there is no one else I wanna be with but you."

A smile broke across Mikey's face as well. "So maybe we can…"

"Start over from the night at the party?"

"Yea," he laughed.

She grinned and threw her arms around him in a hug, just like the night at the party. "Welcome home, I missed you!"

"I missed you too (YN). Thank you for being there for me while I was on tour. Would you please go out with me?"

(YN) nodded excitedly. "Yes! I'd love to, 'cause I love you too, Mikey."

It took a moment for the words to fully register in his mind, but when they did he reached up and grabbed her face between his hands and pressed his lips against hers with everything he had. He felt her wrap her arms around him again, and her smiling against his lips. When they pulled back he rested his forehead against hers as he caressed her cheek.

“So how about that date?” (YN) said with a smile.

“Now?” Mikey asked, sitting back, surprised at her proposition.

“Yea, we have weeks of lost time to make up for. Oh and this time, I’m gonna pick up the check,” she smirked.

Mikey laughed. “Come on, who are you trying to impress?”

[forkanna]

Fractal The Future Part III: A PROLOGUE

Elsa McFly couldn't believe how much everything could change in thirty years. Again.

Everything, from the predictable things like technology, to others like plants and the world's actual attempts to create a greener planet. It was not something she'd ever imagined – and it gave her a sense of how Anna felt when she'd turned up in 1985. Elsa was very definitely out of her time.

The town itself hadn't changed much. The buildings were old, streets even older. There had been no population boom to strike Dell Valley; it remained relatively consistent. Certain aspects had been cleaned up, of course; less graffiti, condemned properties were gone. Less poverty, too, it seemed, although the homeless may have just moved on from the park outside the courthouse and onto other areas.

Little Elsa Baines’s childhood home no longer existed, which was a slightly sad thought. It had been knocked down and turned into townhouses – they looked tiny from the outside, but chances are they were really quite spacious and affordable. No chance for her to go inside, but neither did she care all that much anyway.

The McFly family home at Aren Estates was still hanging around. The whole neighbourhood had really been improved – even though the houses were still quite old, the place was clean and well-lit, lawns neatly kept. Sitting on a bench just down the street, it gave her a chance to just observe. She was only somewhat surprised to learn that the home had stayed in the family through all these years. Anna had never moved out – Jennifer had actually moved in. That was good, she thought approvingly. Both the fact that their love had lasted, and that they hadn't strayed far. It gave her a sense of hope.

Thus far, she hadn't seen herself – though Doc had warned her to stay out of sight of her future self if she did. That made it hard, given that the whole purpose of her 'visit' was to see how future-Anna and future-Elsa interacted. To make sure that they could move on, that they had moved on. Perhaps gain some insight into how the 2015 versions could do the same.

But maybe… she wouldn't learn that secret. Maybe it didn't work at all because Elsa hadn't seen herself. Not a hair nor a finger. She had peered through the front window whilst the house had been empty, and seen nothing. No photographs or other sentiments lying around. Definitely one of Anna and Punz – they had the full white wedding, both women in dresses. The photo was displayed proudly in the living room, the inhabitants moving like something out of Harry Potter; yet another technological advancement.

Perhaps it had been irreconcilable. It wasn't really too far out of the question. There was only one other thought that she didn't really want to think about, and yet it passed through her mind regardless.

What if… what if she wasn't around anymore at all?

And so she had moved away from the house, going off to wait on her bench near the Delorean – parked a ways down the street and hidden – while she waited for Anna and Jennifer to return home. They eventually exited, talking about something – it sounded like an argument, actually. The words didn't carry down the street, but the volume did. Elsa watched as Anna's hand came up and pinched at her nose. She turned around, locking the front door as Jennifer opened the car and slid into the driver's seat.

God, she still looked beautiful. It felt less weird, looking at her like this. Anna was the same age as Elsa, though she had definitely aged better. Whether it be diet and exercise or some revolutionary health product, she looked like she was barely forty instead of pushing fifty. Her freckles stood stark against pale skin, and in the morning sun her coppery hair shone.

Jennifer was the same, though she'd never quite held the same allure for Elsa. It was most definitely for the best; it was one thing to carry an ill-advised torch for ones daughter, given they had actually fallen in love when they were both teenagers. Being attracted to her daughter's girlfriend was… too much. Though Jennifer was always beautiful.

Still, a small smile worked its way onto her face as she watched Anna knock on the window to the car. Jennifer rolled it down, and they conversed for a few seconds before Anna leaned fully in, kissing her on the cheek. When she pulled back, she seemed to be smiling. So, even though they fought, there was still a lot of love there. Good. They deserved that.

Then Jennifer was pulling from the driveway, Anna waving her goodbye. She picked up her handbag, and Elsa decided that it was probably time for her to leave. She had been creepy enough. Standing up, she accidentally dropped the car keys as they slid from her lap. When she stood upright again, thumbing the keyring, she looked towards Anna one more time.

Her blood ran cold when she found a pair of green eyes already focused on her.

She tried to turn away. To do as Doc said and not interfere with the goings-on of a time outside her own; unlike poor, bewildered Anna in the 80s, she fully appreciated the risks and the dangers. But she only got a few steps before she heard Anna calling her name.

"ELSA?!"

It wouldn't do to try and make a run for it. All that would accomplish was causing a scene in the quaint little suburban neighbourhood. The footsteps drew closer, and closer… it felt like a small eternity, waiting there. But she couldn't bring herself to turn around and approach Anna herself.

"Elsa… it is you, isn't it?"

"I'm afraid you have me mistaken for someone else," she tried feebly.

"And I'm afraid I don’t buy that. So what are you doing here?"

The tears in Anna's voice was what finally made her turn around. The lines around her eyes were a little more apparent from such close distance, though they still weren't as pronounced as her own. Crinkles at the corners of her mouth, faint crow’s feet. Still radiant and full of life as she ever was. She and Jennifer both looked to be relatively trim as their younger selves had been, though Punz a little plumper than Anna.

"I… doing something stupid," she finally whispered, dropping all of her pretence. "Trying to see… h-how… you and I could…"

Seeming to sense that Elsa was about to break down and expire, her daughter grinned and reached out a hand to rest on her shoulder. The tears were falling freely, but she otherwise seemed to be able to maintain a normal demeanor.

"Come inside. Jennifer's already gone; you don't have to worry about polluting the timeline, even though this is the future."

A little stunned by just how easily Anna seemed to assess the situation, Elsa took the hand and let her lead her back to their home. It didn't take long to be pushed through the front door. Anna had certainly looked like she was on her way somewhere, but when Elsa asked, she'd just brushed it off.

"Oh, it's fine," she said. "I mean- I'll just have to send a quick message but please, make yourself at home!"

She disappeared down the hallway, and Elsa didn't feel as lecherous as she thought she would when she watched her go. The fashion was something else; light fabrics that seemed to fit perfectly. Complimented Anna's skin and her freckles and her eyes – and now that she wasn't directly in front of them, Elsa could think back and realise that they were definitely a brighter green than they used to be. Contacts or something else, she wasn't sure.

Elsa didn't hear Anna moving about, which meant she wasn’t returning just yet. Which meant Elsa did the one thing she thought she should: she went to the kitchen and attempted to make two cups of hot chocolate. Trusting that her daughter hadn't changed so much as to no longer keep the powdered stuff in the house, she began- well, not snooping as such. Just looking for the chocolate.

She couldn't find anything, but she did find a small glass container of what looked like liquorice bullets labeled "drinking chocolate". Plucking the jar off the shelf, she opened the lid and took a sniff.

"Good, right?"

"Ahh!" Elsa cried, dropping the jar. It dropped to the floor in slow motion, giving Elsa ample time to squeeze her eyes shut and wait for the inevitable smash.

It didn't come.

"Hey, relax," Anna said, stepping forward. Her hand came to rest at the small of Elsa's back for a second, almost naturally, before she bent down to pick up the jar and the lid. Luckily, none of the little pellets had fallen out. She tapped the side. "Unbreakable glass. Pretty common these days." There was a smile on her face, but Elsa's heart was still racing too fast for her to really take much notice of it.

And Anna's hand was still on her back. Taking a quick step backwards, Elsa found herself pressing against the sink. She was grateful that Anna didn't move forward with her. Instead, she took out two of the chocolate-things and moved over to a machine. Within seconds, the warm aroma of a barista-made hot chocolate filled Elsa's nostrils.

She didn't speak. She wasn't sure she knew what to say, even if her voice hadn't been trapped behind the lump in her throat. Luckily for the both of them, Anna never had been one to thrive in silence.

"I've been expecting you to drop by," she began softly. She puttered about the kitchen as she spoke, grabbing cups and plates, getting the hot chocolate and some snacks from a device that looked like a wall of a beehive, hundreds of tiny hexagons surrounding different things. She didn't approach Elsa at all. "Jennifer and I have been waiting a few years, actually. We weren't quite sure when, but we thought it would be soon."

"You did? So… you already knew- well, of course you would," she sighed, shaking her head. "Obviously, by now someone would have told you I took this little trip, either me or Doc, or anyone. Silly of me to think it would go unnoticed for thirty years."

Anna's face fell slightly. She was still smiling, but it was a bit sadder. "Actually… that isn't entirely what happened."

"It isn't?"

"No. You see… no one has seen you for thirty years."

Elsa's blood ran cold. It took her a few seconds to find her voice again, and as she worked at it Anna merely gazed at her, eyes drinking in her face. As if she had never been so happy to see it in all her life. Which, if it had really been that long…

"But… but I was going to go back, I…"

"Were you?" This time, her hands went to her hips, as if she were the parent. Even though they were the same age now. "Because I think if you really intended to do that, Mom, we wouldn't be dealing with this situation right now."

Swallowing hard, Elsa looked away, clutching at her heart. "Well… alright. Going back to our home in 2015 was not my primary plan. It was my backup plan. But I really did hope… that I would find something here, some small sign, anything that could show me that I should reconsider…"

"Where did you go?" Anna asked her softly, finally raising her hands to rest on Elsa's shoulders. "Nobody ever knew what became of you. Not even… where you died, if you died… nothing. You were gone from our lives. Dad had his first heart attack because of that."

"First?" she asked with sudden urgency.

"Relax, relax," she soothed her, stroking up and down her upper arms. "He's fine. Still kicking, still writing. He lives with Wendy and her family now."

Her emotions did the fastest flip-flop of her entire life. "I… Wendy has a family?" Her eyes brimmed with tears of pure joy.

"Yes, and don't ask for any details," Anna warned her with a stern glare. Elsa nodded her understanding; she didn't want to accidentally jeopardise her elder daughter's happiness. "We have other shit to worry about."

"What do you mean?" Elsa asked. Anna gave her a look, but didn't say anything. Not at first. She instead took a step away, picking up both mugs of hot chocolate in one hand and a container of something else in the other.

"Come sit," she said, beckoning gently.

Elsa still seemed hesitant to come too close of her own accord. After learning what she'd put her family through, she assumed there would be a bit more… anger. Maybe even hatred. But there was none – at least, not directed at her. Elsa could still see something unpleasant swirling in Anna's eyes, pooling beneath the sadness she had inflicted, too. It hurt to look, so she didn't.

"Did I…do something?" Anna asked softly, once they were seated on the lounge. "Did I…chase you away?"

"What? No, of course not, Anna-"

"Then why? Mom…" Anna's voice broke briefly, but when Elsa's eyes flickered up to her daughter, she didn't seem to be crying again. At least, not yet. "Mom you just left us. Dad and John and Wendy. Me… I blamed myself for so long, too. When you didn't come back. Finally saw that shrink." She gave a sniffle, and Elsa could definitely hear the tears in Anna's voice when she spoke again. "It really… it really messed me up. Jennifer was a godsend. She kept me from doing anything really stupid."

Elsa felt her own eyes welling at that. "I didn't want to cause more pain," she began. "We are… were… stuck in a loop. An endless cycle that I couldn't allow to continue. Not with my teenaged daughter. The only thing that would make it stop is… if I removed myself from the equation. You'd be free to live your life with Jennifer, without worrying about me."

"But I DID, Mom!" Anna cried. And yes, she was truly in tears now. They streamed down her face, turning it splotchy red and sticky. "I did worry. I thought you hated me; hated what I did, what I'd put you through. I didn't feel like you were saving me, I felt like you were punishing me!"

Suddenly, she stood up. Without offering any explanation, she turned and left the room, leaving Elsa alone and confused. Through the walls she could hear the telltale sound of someone speaking – Anna, in this case. It was impossible to hear what she was saying, though.

When Anna returned, some minutes later, Elsa still hadn't moved. Her chocolate was… still warm, surprisingly. She hadn't touched it, though. Clearing her throat, Anna spoke.

"Jen's coming home," she said softly. "I thought- I thought I could do this and I can't. I-" She paused, sucking in a breath. When she found her voice, it was thin and watery. "I still love you. And that probably really messes with your plan, or whatever you had."

Elsa was completely crestfallen to find out this was how things were. This plot of hers to remove herself from the problematic equation that was their love – their life – would make Anna this unhappy? She understood it, of course, but she had hoped that she would be able to get on with her life. Without the needless stress of a mother who couldn't seem to stop doing unmotherly things.

"Anna… my God, I just don't know what I'm doing." Finally, she did pick up the mug and took a sip. To give herself a moment. "You were so- wow, this is good."

"I'm glad," Anna managed with a weak chuckle. "Drink pellets are like, next-level Keurig."

"It's not your 'fault,' though. It's mine. I thought… I assumed that the plan I had worked out in the years after realising who you would become should have been enough. That I could just stubbornly resist temptation and everything would go back to normal. But I didn't count on you being just as tempted as me! Young me was so much prettier, and appealing, so-"

"Oh, don't go down that road," she sighed, face pained. "You're still as hot as you were there last time I saw you, which was as hot as you were in the Eighties. But that isn't really the issue."

That stunned her completely. "It's not? News to me."

"Oh, of course not! It's that we were in love. Not because you're a cute blonde, but because… I just really wanted to be with the person you were. That sweet, exciting girl I met in '85. Despite all the walls in our way, the obstacles, I think we both know that my little trip into the past showed us a part of each other that we couldn't see before. A soulmate."

Elsa's lips fumbled uselessly for a few seconds. When she still couldn't speak, Anna eventually allowed herself a small smile, then whispered, "Spoilers."

"But… but Jennifer…" The protest was weak; she was too shocked to do any better than that.

Anna grinned. It was small, barely there. "You think she's with me because of my dashing looks?" she asked. She seemed genuinely curious, too. "I've had thirty years without you, Elsa. Three decades to think. And so has she."

There was a pause as Elsa absorbed all this information. Then, Anna surprised her with a question.

"Do you remember when you first met me?" At first, Elsa just looked confused.

"You mean, in the 80s?" Anna nodded. So she answered, "I- yes. I do."

"And do you remember what happened after dinner? We went to that café and Tiana brought us choco-banana smoothies?"

This time, it was Elsa who nodded. "I've never forgotten…" she murmured. "You were the first person I ever shared that much with."

"Do you… know why?" Anna asked softly. She seemed to know something that Elsa didn't, so she continued. "That was the moment I stopped thinking, 'Oh God, my mother wants to bang everything that moves' and I realised…"

She trailed off, and Elsa was almost too afraid to ask what. She already knew. "What did you realise?"

"That it was me. That you had a thing for me, not just an out-of-control libido. And it only because more obvious the more time I spent with you."

Elsa couldn't look at her. Her hands came up to cover her face as she shook her head. She didn't notice Anna move, but she certainly felt her when she sat next to her on the couch. Elsa didn't fight it when Anna pulled her into a hug – she relished in it. Far too much, if she were honest.

But… was that true anymore? Anna was an adult. She, like Elsa, had thirty years to come to terms with what she had done as a teenager. And with whom. And nothing she was saying was a lie, either. Elsa could feel that much. At the time, she hadn't known what it was; even today, it remained an indescribable pull that was impossible to shake. The very thought of what she had put Anna through – or rather, what she was going to put Anna through – was nearly enough to shake her.

By that same token, though, millions of people survived without their other half. Their… soulmate. So would Anna. She deserved better than Elsa, who always seemed to make the wrong choice.

"I'm… sorry…" Elsa began softly. Her hands came away from her face so she could wrap them around Anna's waist, pulling her close. "I'm so… so sorry…"

Anna pulled back, just far enough to look in Elsa's eyes. "I know," she said before leaning forward, lips pressing against her cheek and lingering for a solid second before she moved away. They looked at each other, already knowing what the other was thinking.

This time, when Anna leaned forward, Elsa did the same, coming to meet her. And it was everything she had been missing for thirty years. Everything she had wanted, and never allowed herself to have again because Anna was too young — or rather, Elsa herself had grown too old. Though apparently, Anna disagreed, and still did even in the future.

As their lips slid over each other, Elsa finally allowed her hands to move up Anna's back, to truly give herself over to the contact. There was no shame, no pushing her away, no stammered excuses; Anna kissed back with the fierceness of a thousand warriors, and a level of experience her younger self had never possessed. It felt strong, and wonderful, and all of the things that she had found it to be when Anna was barely a woman without any of the guilt. Or more accurately, without the guilt having any true bite.

"This," she gasped when Anna broke away to kiss down her neck, "wasn't wh-why I came here!"

"I know," Anna responded. She sucked in a breath, then let it out slowly as she forced herself to draw back, smiling at Elsa. "God, you still do it for me. I knew I still loved you and missed you, but after thirty years, I did start to wonder about the physical aspect and all… chemistry, whatever."

"But it still isn't right," Elsa sighed, devoid of true conviction anymore. "And I still don't see how we're going to make this work without… well, ruining our family."

"At least you're talking about trying to make it work now. That's a good sign." Reaching up into her hair, Anna undid the bun Elsa had it stuck in and ran her hands through it until the soft platinum hair fell in waves down her shoulders. "This beautiful young lady, Elsa Baines…"

Against her own expectations, Elsa bit her bottom lip and let out a shy giggle. That was truly the first time Anna had been 'in control' of the situation, and she felt an odd thrill in the pit of her stomach that forced the sound out of her. When Anna heard it, she grinned and left a brief peck on her lips.

"You are," Anna murmured softly. "And you always have been." But then she was backing away more fully, rising to her feet. Elsa could see how her legs wobbled, just a little. She had done that to Anna?

Then again, she doubted that she would be able to stand properly, either. This Anna – the confident one who didn't make Elsa feel like a cougar – had lit something in her that she hadn't felt since she was a teenager. Yes, she had certainly felt it in 2015, but it had been tainted by the fact that Anna was a teenager and she should not be having these kinds of liaisons with her forty-seven year old mother.

No longer. And who knew? Perhaps the laws were a little more lenient in 2045; an option worth looking into, at the very least. Or perhaps not. Maybe it was immaterial.

"Anna…" Elsa began softly as her daughter crossed the room to fiddle with a panel, inlaid into the wall. "As much as I want to- to stay here with you, or return to 2015, I can't- I have a plan."

She didn't say any more, but she didn't need to. "I know," Anna said softly. "Can I- can you do a favor for me, though? Can you take this to me, about a month ago? From my time, not yours." She held out a small triangle. Elsa had a few guesses for what it may be, and none of them seemed particularly good.

"Anna, don’t you see? I can't! You know what Doctor Pabbie said. His 'rules'. I may not understand the science completely, but I know I don’t want to destroy the universe as long as you’re in it!"

"Don’t worry, it’s… I prepared for that. Promise-promise. That’s why I’m not sending you back to teenage-me. Look – if you think we shouldn't be together, if you really think that our lives would be better with you gone, then… go. Don't look back. Don't go back and give that to me. I won't make you. And I won't hate you." She stopped there, the reason why obvious: her eyes had filled with tears. She was smiling, still, but there was pain etched on her face. "Love you, Mom."

And for the first time, Elsa truly thought about changing the plan she had firmly in place. Her passport had already been renewed and she had a plane ticket booked, but it was open-ended; she could exchange it. She had second thoughts almost constantly, but this was the first time they had weight enough to make her reconsider.

"I'll… give this some serious thought, Anna," she whispered as she took the triangle, tucking it into her purse. She'd have to remember to stow it somewhere safe eventually, especially if she decided not to give it to Anna’s past self; it could be dangerous in anyone else’s hands. "Giving in to our feelings still sounds like an awful thing to do to you on paper, but…"

"But we aren't on paper," she affirmed for both of them, and Elsa smiled back at her. They kissed briefly again. "Now get out of here before I decide you need to stay. God knows I love having you around… but if I'm right, if true love wins, then this future is going to change, anyway."

Elsa snorted. "Now you sound like me. Doc really messed up how we understand time, didn't he?"

"Maybe a little." As she walked Elsa to the door, hand in hand, Anna leaned over and whispered, "By the way… if you're worried about ageing and looking 'too old' for young-me, you could always make an appointment at a rejuvenation clinic. Adds a good thirty-to-forty years to your life. Punz and I haven't had the full treatment yet, but we've had a thing or two done. We're young, we have plenty of time."

"Rejuvenation clinic? That sounds like cheating."

"It is," Anna laughed, and they both shared a grin. "But the world isn't quite as overpopulated as it used to be after the… well, nevermind that. Just stay out of Europe and China in 2020."

Feeling an odd chill down her spine, considering Europe was where she had intended to "retire" as per her plans, Elsa nodded and embraced her. "I will. Oh, Anna… how can I be both so excited and so confused?"

"I think it's called… possibilities," Anna said softly, holding her mother tight. There was a hesitance as they slowly released one another, moving back so their hands rested on each other's elbows.

"I don't want to leave," Elsa said softly. "But I know I have to…" She couldn't stay here, no matter how much she might wish it. No matter how unfair it all was. Anna wore a sad smile as her hand came up to cup Elsa's cheek, thumb running gently over the lined skin.

"I know," came her soft words. "I don't want you to go."

Those words seemed to help Elsa break away. Perhaps it should have been harder to leave, knowing that this Anna felt the same. That if circumstances were different, it would have been perfect. But instead, it made it easier. Anna loved her. She had always loved her – and still did – and yet she survived. Elsa could leave and Anna would still grow up happy and healthy. Kristoff probably understood. John and Wendy… maybe they knew and maybe they didn't.

Wiping at her eyes, which had dampened but not truly filled with tears, Elsa smiled.

"Goodbye, Anna," she said. "I love you."

And Anna simply said, "I know," and that was that.

It didn't take long for her resolve to falter. Truly she was only halfway down the street, the feel of Anna's gaze on the back of her head still fresh, before she began having doubts. Her hand strayed to her purse, where Anna's odd little triangle lay. What had she said? If Elsa truly believed they shouldn't be together, then she could simply ignore it. However… if a single shred of her was uncertain, if she thought that their love was bigger than the space-time continuum, then she should take it to Anna of one month prior.

Legs growing weak, Elsa collapsed on a sidewalk bench. She had a decision to make. And she had all the time in the world; she had a time machine. But she knew that she would have to have one final conversation before she made that choice. Much as she loved her daughter, she was no scientist.

"There's only one man who can help me," she whispered a few minutes later as she finally regained the strength to round the corner to where the DeLorean lay sleeping. Waiting for its temporary mistress to give it new marching orders toward a shared destiny.

                                        [ C O M I N G     S O O N ]

[danyka-fendyr]

Absence of Good

Chapter 1: Masquerade

Okay so I’ve been talking about starting a Spencer Reid fic for 8 million years and now I’m finally going to do it. So anyway...ya’ll better reblog this and leave nice comments if you want the second part that I will write regardless of whether anyone validates me or not because this is half for myself. Don’t judge you know you’re in the same boat. Anyway, enjoy. Or don’t I can’t make you love me.

Permanent Taglist: @rhabakoli @dreamwritesimagines

Warnings: Extremely graphic gore, descriptions of murder, disturbing themes

Wordcount: 3234

“When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly. When people see some things as good, other things become bad.”

-Lao Tzu

The most intimidating part of a job was always the first day. You didn’t know anybody, you didn’t really know what you were doing, and you were still a little bit convinced that your boss was judging your every move and kind of hated you. The fact that Aaron Hotchner had not once smiled during your interview did nothing to assuage that fear.

However, here you were, in the elevator at Quantico, with a tray full of coffee, balancing a million creamers and even more sugar, because you weren’t sure what everyone liked but you were trying to win them all over with bribery anyway. A lovely day, truly.

You had wanted this job in the BAU for years. You were morbidly interested in serial killers ever since you were young, and fascinated with catching them. To most people it was...offputting, to say the least. People don’t really warm up to the girl who thinks that announcing how many people Gary Ridgeway killed is a good ice breaker. 49 confirmed, 71 claimed, by the way.

So naturally, you figured you should go somewhere your talents would be better appreciated. Unfortunately, every half-wit piece of muscle in the FBI wanted to be in the BAU, so it had taken you several years to get to where you were today. Frankly, you thought you should have been here much sooner, but it was a rigorous process, and so you had to wait until you were well into your 20′s. But hey, not like you were getting any younger over here, right? 

Okay, so you were bitter. What else is new?

Your first few seconds in the bullpen were utterly terrifying for the simple fact that nobody noticed you were there. This was not...how do you say...uncommon, for you. However, it was exceptionally awkward. Did you speak up? Did you just wait until someone noticed you trying to juggle too many coffees and so much sugar you could fill a bathtub with it because that’s how you liked your coffee? Fortunately, you didn’t have to decide.

“Agent Y/L/N,” SSA Hotchner said. “I see you brought coffee.”

That was almost a smile. You knew the coffee was a good idea.

“Oh, uh...yeah. I figured, first day, right? First impressions and everything.” You started unloading your coffee when Hotchner gestured you towards a vacant desk waiting for you. “I hope nobody minds the ridiculous amount of sugar. I just didn’t know how you guys take your coffee, and I like my sugar with a side of coffee you know, so...”

You stood back, swaying awkwardly on your stilettos a little bit and trying not to let your body language cave in on itself like you wanted to. To help with your anxiety, you noticed upon turning around that everyone had swiftly crowded around you. Awkward.

“Ha, you sound like our boy genius. He puts so much sugar in his coffee it’s barely recognizable anymore.” A tall, incredibly fit black man chuckled. “I’m Morgan, by the way, but my friends call me chocolate thunder.” 

He winked. Uh...okay. Somebody swooped in to save you from that though.

“Ignore him. I’m Jennifer but everyone just calls me JJ and the coffee was a lovely gesture.” The stunning blonde leaned forward to shake your hand, but not before cutting Morgan a glare.

“Emily Prentiss.” The dark-haired, serious-looking woman gave you a smile as she shook your hand.

“SSA Rossi, pleased to meet you.” The older Italian man gave you a little smile as he shook your hand.

The truth was you already knew a little about all of them, having read through their personnel files before starting this job. Which meant you were prepared when Dr. Spencer Reid began his introduction.

“Hi, I’m-”

Before he could finish his sentence, you were already pulling hand sanitizer out of your purse and applying some of it, stopping him dead in his tracks with confusion.

“Dr. Spencer Reid. Your reputation precedes you.” Now you were in your element, a little smirk on your face and a twinkle in your eye.

Stunned, he reached forward to take your hand even as he said, “You know, hand sanitizer actually only kills-”

“Spencer, please,” JJ interrupted teasingly. “Not yet. We want to keep this one.”

You laughed, already finding it easy to fit in with this crowd. “Oh, don’t worry about it. It would take a lot more than that to scare me away.”

You winked at him, and he blushed. Oh, you were going to have fun with this one. He was cute and smart, the whole package. You’d be damned if you weren’t already a little smitten.

“Oh, there’s a new person!” A cute blonde with absolutely wild style stopped dead in her tracks, surprised to see you. “You’re the new!”

“I’m the new,” You confirmed.

“Oh, hello! I’m Penelope, and unfortunately, I come bearing bad news.”

“There’s a case baby girl?” Agent Morgan spoke up.

“Right as always my sweet, sweet Chocolate Thunder.” Ah. So that was what that was about.

Heading into the briefing room, you and Reid ended up trailing a bit behind, causing you to lean into him to whisper. “Are they a couple?”

He laughed a little bit. “No. Just best friends. That’s just how they communicate.”

You arched an eyebrow. “Nice. I like it.”

“Yeah?” He smiled.

“Yep.”

Before you got the chance to say anything more though, you were officially being briefed. You absolutely couldn’t afford to talk during your very first briefing, so you just smiled at the handsome brunet before giving all of your attention to one Penelope Garcia.

“Alright crime fighters, brace yourselves because this is a bad one, even for our standards. The images I am about to show you are to be viewed with caution and it is not advised you continue on if you are pregnant, have a heart condition or are prone to seizures. I’m going to hit the button now and one of you is going to tell me when I can look again.”

True to her word, Garcia clicked a button on the remote and then shielded her eyes. You could see why. The images on the screen were absolutely brutal. They were women, or at least you were pretty sure they were women, who had had their eyes, noses, and mouths removed. Three of them, one after the other. You liked to think you had a pretty strong stomach, but this...this was giving you the heeby jeebies. All the Scary Mary R.L. Stein nightmares you had as a kid were coming right on back now.

“That’s...really something,” You breathed quietly.

“No kidding.” You were validated in your disgust by Agent Morgan, who looked just as perturbed.

“It gets worse, kiddies,” Garcia spoke, eyes still closed. “Their limbs were all cut off, but those were left at the crime scene. The missing facial bits though, and I deeply, deeply regret having to say this, were nowhere to be found.”

“Trophies,” Rossi said.

“Most likely,” Reid agreed from where he sat next to you. “Most enucleators take the eyes as trophies, and while it’s highly unusual for other facial features to be removed, it seems logical to assume that these would also be taken as trophies, especially given the complete disregard for the rest of the body.”

Garcia hit another button, causing different, less horrifying images to come up.

“Can I look now?”

“You can look baby girl,” Morgan reassured her.

“Oh thank goodness. You know I hate that part.” Garcia continued with the case briefing, letting you know exactly where you would be flying to.

“We’ve already made contact with the Miami police department. They’ll be ready for us when we arrive. Wheel’s up in 30,” Hotch instructed.

“Okay, so the victims,” you said, wanting to voice what was on your mind. “The taking of the eyes, nose, and lips is all extremely personal. But the cutting off of the limbs and then just leaving them there says quite the opposite. Like...there’s this loathing of the body but an obsession with the face.”

JJ nodded. “Agreed. It’s oddly matter of fact too. Very business-like. Look at these cuts,” she said, pointing to the photos. “Aside from the first victim, who’s a little rougher, these are clean, precise chops. Just get it done and over with. But the face, there’s detail there.”

“Agreed,” Rossi said. “Look at those cuts. Not a single piece is missing. It’s absolutely vital to this guy that he get the whole package. The eyes are perfectly severed from the ocular nerve, a clean removal, almost surgical in precision. And the nose...he had to cut through a lot of cartilage to get that kind of clean, flat removal. Our guy has to have some kind of history in the medical field.”

“It’s likely that they symbolize a depersonalization for him,” Reid said, hands bunching as he spoke. “The taking of all of the distinguishing features of the face indicates a sense of ownership. It’s as if he’s saying, ‘Look, I’ve taken who you are. Who people know you as.’ Some believe that the Ancient Greeks used masks in their plays to cause the viewers to focus on the character’s actions, rather than their appearance. All of our victims were relatively low risk. It could be our unsub sees these women as wearing masks, but he doesn’t like the actions that correspond with the face they choose to wear, or he believes their actions do not correspond with their mask and therefore they do not deserve to wear it. This taking of the self, of the soul if you will, could be symbolic of a dissatisfaction with how these women present themselves and how that conflicts with the unsub’s view of them.”

The rest of the team did not seem nearly impressed enough by this. You, for one, were awestruck. You had read about him, of course, but that was nothing compared to the real thing. He was beautiful.

“Okay, so we’re assuming that our guy probably knows his victims,” Morgan said.

“It would make sense. It makes it easier to get close to such low-risk targets if he does know them,” you said.

“You have a point,” Rossi said.

“Alright, well, first we need to determine whether or not our unsub is in the medical field or not. Y/L/N, Reid, head to the M.E.’s and find out what you can about the bodies. Morgan and Prentiss, you’ll head to where they found the last body, and...” Hotch continued dolling out assignments, and before you knew it, you were there.

“The media are already calling him the Face Thief,” the Miami PD chief told Hotch.

“Oh, that’s original,” you grumbled.

“Well, it does its job. People around here are terrified. This is like something straight out of everyone’s worst nightmares.”

Hotch nodded. “Well, don’t worry. My team and I plan on catching this guy as quickly as we can.”

Speaking of which, you and Reid needed to go talk to their M.E. Now, what did a girl have to do to get a dead body around here?

Spencer seemed to know his way around pretty well, probably having memorized the layout of the police station on the plane or something, and so you followed his lead.

“I take it you know where we’re going?”

“Yeah. Been here a few times before,” he said.

“Have you ever seen anything like this?”

He paused in the hallway. “No. This is some pretty intense stuff. And while I can’t exactly say it’s not like this all the time, well...”

“It’s not like this all the time,” you finished for him.

“Yeah, exactly.” He laughed a little bit. “So, you’re kind of young to be in the BAU already.”

It wasn’t a rude question. From anyone else, it might have been, but you could tell he was just curious. Plus you happened to know he was a child prodigy, and therefore was in no place to judge.

“Yeah, well, don’t make any mistakes. It took me forever and a day to get here. I just skipped a couple years of high school, fast-tracked my college education, that’s all.”

Spencer nodded. “I read your file. You finished your Bachelor’s in a year and a half, joined the FBI at 19 and gained your doctorate while working for the bureau. That’s pretty impressive.”

You smiled wryly. “Oh, you can’t fool me Dr. Reid. I’ve read your file too, you know. Now you, you are quite impressive.”

The man before you blushed beet red, stammering out something that sounded like the beginnings of an excuse, but fortunately for him you both found yourself in the presence of the M.E. before he had to come up with anything more than, “Well, I don’t know I-I mean-”

“Dr. Reid. Dr. Y/L/N. Let’s get right to it. This guy does some neat work, but he’s no doctor.”

“Really?” You asked, fascinated.

“Yep. Look at these cuts here around the mouth. They’re jagged. There are hesitation marks. Not because of inexperience with the action, but lack of expertise. You can see the same marks around the nose and eyes. And, I’m sorry to say, all of this was done anti-mortem, which did not make his job any easier.”

“He’s a sadist, then,” you deduced. “He gets off on their pain.”

The M.E. nodded before continuing.

“He started with the eyes, which I hate to admit is smart since those are the easiest part to remove wholesale, which seems to be this guy's trademark. After that, the victim usually passes out and dies from blood loss, which makes the rest of his job easier. But if you look closely you can see these aren’t surgical cuts. The only precision here stems from a purely obsessive desire to get things right. It’s good work for an amateur, but it’s just that, amateur,” she said.

“And the limbs?” Dr. Reid asked.

“Well, I can tell you a little bit more about those, since we still have them. They were cut off post-mortem, and it was a pretty quick job. It looks like it was done with some sort of power tool. There’s no beauty to those, and there’s no attempt to make it look pretty. And yes, the torsos do show signs of sexual assault. Additionally, it looks like he knocked his victims out first to incapacitate them before taking them to a secondary location and waiting for them to regain consciousness before beginning his..process.”

“I guess we can tick the sexual box in the sexual sadist checklist.” You sighed.

Reid nodded, leaning forward to more closely examine the nature of the cuts and the body.

“Okay,” you said, thinking out loud. “I’m the victim. You’ve got me tied up and you’re about to remove my eyes. I’m doing a lot of screaming. You scoop my eyes out. Here’s what I’m wondering. Why not start with the nose? If he’s a sadist, wouldn’t he want to like...see the look in their eyes or something sick like that?”

Spencer hummed thoughtfully. “It’s possible it’s an act of remorse, but that seems unlikely given the other details of this case.”

You thanked the M.E. before heading back out, but you stopped Reid in the hallway.

“Okay, indulge me. Let’s play this out. You’re the unsub and I’m the victim,” you said, leaning up against the wall and gesturing for him to get all in your business. “Okay, so you’re looking at me, and what are you thinking.”

Spencer stared at you, and you thought you caught the sharp bob of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed, but you brushed it aside. He took a step closer, fingers brushing across your cheekbones as he stared at you thoughtfully. For your part, you tried not to let your heart race, because you had sincerely not thought about how attractive the good doctor was before signing up for this experience.

“You’re right,” he murmured. “The eyes are the most expressive. But...maybe that’s what he values about them. They’re so beautiful.”

It was your turn to swallow hard. That felt deliciously personal, but you were trying not to read too much into it. His brow furrowed, expression changing.

“Maybe that’s it. This is more about the eyes than the whole face. The eyes take precedent because, if he’s removing the face to capture their essence somehow, what are eyes said to be the window to?”

You grinned. “The soul.”

“Exactly.” He smiled back at you, and you must have forgotten to put a dryer sheet in with your laundry because you swear you felt static electricity crackling up your spine.

For a long moment, neither of you moved, but then you snapped out of it. 

“We have to go tell Hotch!”

It was true that the eyes were the window to the soul, and they were the window to this guy’s soul too. Garcia had gone on the prowl for medical school rejects, people who watched too many YouTube videos about surgery without being nursing majors, and otherwise normal folks who just owned way, way too many scalpels. Before you knew it, you had a prime suspect. And uh, tip? If you ever decide to be a serial killer, try not to kill the people you openly have vendettas against. It makes you really easy to catch. So actually, you know what, go for it.

“I can’t believe this guy ran a whole blog based off of the people in his neighborhood he hates,” you said.

“A whole blog positively riddled with face fetishizing symbolism. This guy could go on for weeks about the masks people wear and how our eyes show who we truly are and blah blah blah,” Emily mocked.

You were in the car on the way to his address. Another girl had been reported missing, and you were praying you wouldn’t be too late to find her. 

As it turned out, you weren’t. In a stroke of good luck, you arrived just in time to save the day. You and Spencer ended up going in together, Spencer taking the lead in talking this guy down. You couldn’t help but admire the way he did it. It was like art, watching him. The careful way he played right into the fantasy, eased the unsub into trusting him. Masterful, right up until the moment he cuffed the guy and the show was over.

On the plane ride back to Quantico, you found yourself sitting next to him. “How do you do it?” 

“Do what?” He asked, confused.

“Play into their fantasies so well. Doesn’t that...I don’t know, mess with your head?”

He became quiet for a moment, and his face fell. You worried that you had said the wrong thing. Crossed a line.

“Yeah. It uh...it takes a toll on you, definitely. Some days, working this job, you’ll be afraid of your own mind,” he admitted quietly.

You didn’t totally know why you leaned into his side on the small couch, other than sheer sympathy. You didn’t totally know why he let you.

“Spenc-Reid,” you corrected yourself. “Do you think the people we deal with are evil? Do you think they ever stood a chance?”

“I ask myself that question a lot,” he said softly. “So many of the people we see behave the way they do as a result of trauma of some kind. That doesn’t excuse their actions by any means, but...it makes you wonder. What if things had been different? How many more people would be alive today? How many more brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, daughters, sons? It’s a ruthless cycle. And all because someone didn’t have anything good in their life, and so they passed that down to someone else. So...I don’t know.”

“Do you think it’s better not to think about it?”

“No. I think it’s important for our jobs to at least try to understand. Besides, it’s human nature to try to make sense of things. Even when it’s hard.” He stared at his hands, head hung low.

“You should get some sleep. Clear your head,” you said gently. “I’ll wake you up before we land.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Just as he settled in, he lifted his head one more time to speak to you. “Y/L/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Great work today.”

“Thanks, Reid. You too.”

Dr. Reid was smiling when he fell asleep.

“Darkness is the absence of light: when there is no light, there is darkness. Light is an existing thing, but darkness is nonexistent.”

- ‘Abdu’l-Bahá

[maxrev]

A Night of Surprises

This idea came out of nowhere and while I don’t feel I did it justice, it’s not too bad ;)

Happy Halloween! 

(nothing scary, just tooth-rotting fluff)

They sat on the porch together, each with a beer in hand. Kaidan with a Canadian Lager, John with a plain American Budweiser. Kaidan was convinced John liked drinking piss water as opposed to something with actual flavor. To each his own. 

The war had been over for a year and a half but the rebuilding was still going on - around them, in the galaxy, and with John himself. Still, all of it was progress. All the houses in this community wore the term ‘cookie cutter’ because each of them, down to the last tiny detail, were all the same. However, they were absolutely a step up from the prefab homes many of them had been living in. These were actually built out of wood, nails, and shingles. 

This subdivision was near the English Bay, his parent's condo having been destroyed, and Kaidan wanted a place close to the bay but more family friendly. Right now, they didn’t have a family of their own, other than the two of them, but who knew what the future held. Everyone had a dream. 

They made their current home in a community of post war survivors, most of them either having been in the military or married to a soldier. Many of them had children, either taking in those who'd lost family with no one left to claim them or the family hadn’t been found or not yet reunited. 

Some children would never have that closure. 

It was those children, the lost ones, Kaidan thought about the most. Though he and John hadn't spent a lot of time talking about that particular subject, he knew those children were on Shepard's mind as well. 

He'd been one of them after all, once upon a time. 

They watched the children in the subdivision playing together, laughing and running, kicking a ball around. There was an occasional tumble, a few tears, and every once in awhile an argument but by and large, they all got along.

One boy, who they’d seen protecting and helping the smaller kids, kicked the ball hard. It came to rest at Shepard's feet. 

Kaidan waited with baited breath to see what John would do. He was now getting around without a cane but was still a bit unsteady at times. He also had a lot more patience than while in the hospital...but there were still bad days. 

The boy ran over to them, coming to stop in front of Shepard. About ten years old, if Kaidan had to guess.  He had a serious demeanor but if you looked him in the eye, there was a glint of mischief. It reminded him a lot of Shepard - even as an adult. 

"Sorry, sir. I should have paid more attention where I was kicking it."

Before John could reply, another boy, maybe a few years younger then the one before them, started yelling at a little girl, who'd started to cry. Kaidan had only seen that particular boy a few times, thought his family had just moved in. 

The ten year old's head turned, taking in the scene. His brows lowered, a frown appearing on his face. Conflicted, he looked down at the ball, up at Shepard, and then over at the two other children. 

"What's your name, son?" John asked. 

Kaidan's heart lurched, remembering how Anderson had used the same endearment on John. He wondered if Shepard realized he was using it too. 

As if that wasn't enough to tug on his heartstrings, the boy answered solemnly, "David."

Kaidan saw the tightening of John's eyes in the corners but it was only noticeable to him. 

"You have a choice, David. What's more important? The game or the child?"

Barely a second passed before David turned and went to interfere. They both watched intently as he diffused the situation without trouble. He shook the other boy's hand and wrapped an arm around the little girl's shoulders. 

It seemed to have had something to do with the little girl wearing a costume, and it wasn't yet Halloween. Her red hair cascaded down her back in ringlets, the ends frazzled and tangled. She's been playing as hard as the older kids. 

"David!" Shepard called out. 

The boy turned, arm still wrapped protectively around the girl's shoulder. One eyebrow raised questioningly. 

"Your ball." Shepard kicked it to him, swinging his leg out awkwardly. 

The ball rolled off to the side and the little girl ran after it, snatched it up and gave John a wide, toothless grin. “Thank you!” she yelled out. Then took off to begin playing again. 

Kaidan didn’t miss the soft smile on John’s face after the interaction. A sudden idea popped into his head but it might be better if he led up to it gradually. “I’ve seen a few of the kids around here wearing their costumes. Brings back memories of me at that age. I'd wear my costume out almost every year before Halloween even arrived.” 

John turned to him, eyes alight with laughter. “Doesn’t surprise me at all. Even on the Normandy, you were always into Halloween, leaving bowls of candy around the ship.” 

Kaidan shrugged, “Halloween is one of my favorite holidays.” 

“Is there a holiday you don’t like?” John reached down, grabbed another beer for himself and raised an eyebrow at Kaidan. 

He nodded. Taking the proffered bottle, he opened it and took a swallow before answering. “I don’t think so. They each have something worth celebrating.” 

“Do you miss dressing up? Always seemed a little silly to me, adults wearing costumes for a kid's holiday.” 

“I do miss it. And it's a holiday for everyone, not just kids. Time to let loose and have some fun. Not much reason to join in the celebration now. Everyone just trying to find stability. As a kid, there was the excitement and of course, the candy. Plus, I could just be me. After my parents found out I was biotic, Dad found ways to incorporate it into my costume. Halloween was the one night I could be me without being a freak.” 

John heard a note of sadness in Kaidan's voice but let it go. Sometimes, he just wanted to talk. Which he was doing now with fondness. He listened with half an ear as Kaidan went on about all the costumes his parents came up with, how he’d play in them until well after Halloween; the parties his family would have in the orchard every few years, all the cousins dressing up and playing together.

He continued to watch the kids playing around them, a couple of them as Kaidan had noticed, in their costumes. He’d never had the opportunity to participate in Halloween growing up. Couldn't imagine being that silly and spontaneous.

The boy, David, was having trouble getting the little girl to go home as the sun began to slowly slip behind the horizon. Shadows lengthened and John began to worry about them being out late. 

Surprising Kaidan, as well as himself, he got up and made his way over to them, albeit slowly. While he’d begun to make progress walking without a cane, he was still very careful. 

“Isn’t it time you two head home?” Doing his best not to use the stern Commander voice. That was for adults, soldiers who had to listen to orders. He had no idea if these two even lived in the same house. Behind him, he heard Kaidan’s soft footsteps, always careful not to sneak up on him. 

The little girl crossed her arms and pouted, “Don’t wanna.” She gazed up at John with clear grey eyes, “You wanna play?” 

He’d like nothing better, another surprise to him. “I’d love to but don’t you think you’re mom and dad will worry about you?” 

A frown marred her face and David spoke up, “We don’t have a dad. He died in the war.” 

“Oh.” John wasn’t sure how to respond. 

“I’m sorry,” Kaidan spoke up behind him, squatting down to face them both. “I lost my dad, too. Won’t your mom worry about you, though?”

Of course, John thought, Kaidan understood. He didn’t know anything about losing a parent. 

The little girl pushed her toe against the dirt, looking up at Kaidan through her lashes. “Uh-huh.” 

He reached out, offering his hand, “Why don’t we walk you both home?” 

John began to follow them, nearly jumping out of his skin as David slipped a small hand inside his. Thsy was unexpected. They approached their house and a woman opened the door, eyes widening in surprise to see John and Kaidan with her children. 

“Hello. Were David and Allie causing trouble?” she asked, a pensive look on her face. 

Kaidan smiled warmly, “No, not at all. Though Allie wanted to continue playing. She asked John here if he wanted to join her. We figured we’d help persuade her to come home.” 

A smile replaced her worried look, “Thank you. Allie hasn’t had much of a chance to join the other children, so when she can, she usually wants to stay out until after the rest have gone home.” She looked at the little girl, “Right, Allie?”

The red ringlets bobbed up and down. “I can’t thank you enough for bringing they home. You really didn’t have to. You two deserve your privacy." She reached out her hand, "I’m Jennifer.” 

John spoke up, David’s hand still in his. Something his mother seemed aware of with a brief look of surprise. “It was no problem at all...but what do you meant about needing out privacy?”

“David, take Allie inside and help her get ready for bed, okay?” He nodded. Letting go of John’s hand and taking Allie’s instead, he took her inside. 

John missed the boy’s hand in his, the warmth gone. Another one of the many surprises he'd had tonight. 

“Commander, Major…” the woman began, their mouths opening in surprise. She stopped and smiled, “Yes, we all know who you are. We’ve been honored you chose this community to live in and we all decided to give you your space, let you have some privacy. We’re beyond grateful for all you’ve done.” 

This time, John spoke up, Kaidan unsure of how to comment. “We appreciate it. More than you can know...and, we’re sorry for the loss of your husband.” 

A look of pain crossed her features briefly and she gave a melancholy smile. “Thank you.” Her voice quieted, “David has really stepped up to be the man of the house. He’s really taken Allie under his wing, too. She...she was lost, out there in the ruins, and I told him we’d try to find her family. We never did. I can’t bear to let her go, either, so I guess she’s my daughter now. All the dust...I think it damaged her lungs. She can’t play with the others but once in awhile for brief periods. David keeps a close eye on her.” She paused, took a breath, “Thank you again for all you’ve done and for keeping an eye on Allie and David.” 

They both nodded and as she moved to shut the door, John blurted out, “I was thinking we could have a Halloween party for all the kids. They could trick or treat from house to house and then gather out at our house...or do it all at our house.” 

Now it was her turn to be surprised but it was followed with a fierce grin, “That would be wonderful! I think we should let the kids go house to house but maybe after, have a small community get together with games. We don’t have to have it at your house--” at John’s deflated look, she added, “but if you truly want to, I think everyone would enjoy that.” 

“Great! We’ll get some things set up. Kaidan has some ideas of what we could do and he’ll help me get things ready.” 

Impulsively, she stepped outside and gave them both a big hug. “This truly means a lot to these children, a bit of fun and happiness after everything that’s happened. Thank you so much.” 

They both hugged her back and turned to head back home. “I have some ideas, huh?” Kaidan nudged John's arm, careful not to push him off balance. His grin was infectious, John smiling too. 

“Well, you were going on and on about how you did things as a kid. I figured you could put those memories to good use.” John stopped mid stride, stared at Kaidan, “You can, can’t you?” 

A warm chuckle, a hand sliding in his, “You were actually listening this time?" Now John punched him in the arm. "Yeah, I think I can come up with something.” He rambled off some thoughts out loud, not expecting an answer, “I’ll have to talk to mom, see if she has any decorations left from when I was a kid. See if they’re are any apples left in the orchard. Might be some left if the Reapers didn’t stomp ‘em into the ground. Have to find some candy in town, any pumpkins around - plastic or real - get some carved and light them up. I wonder if mom still has that punch bowl. Could make some apple cider - some for the kids, some for the grown ups. I could bake some cupcakes, mom might have some extra apple pies. Maybe find some extra decorations in town. Get a tub, fill it with water. We could do some apple bobbing…” 

John listened, a half smile on his face as Kaidan listed all the ideas he had. 

The next day, true to Kaidan form, he had everything ready. He’d been in command this time around and it was amazing how he’d found all he wanted to use and gotten all the parents to help out. He didn’t like being in charge but not for the first time, John thought how different things might have turned out if Kaidan had been the Commander instead of himself. Certainly more diplomatically. 

As the sun slowly sank in the sky, the yards around them lit up in the waning sunlight. Each cookie cutter house had steps leading up to the front door, a porch the length of the house and a rail long going around it. Some houses had strings of orange and black lights turned on, the lights themselves in various forms of plastic ghosts, black cats, pumpkins or bats. 

Jack-o-lanterns were carved and set out on the steps, smaller pumpkins with drawn on faces on porch rails, some of the houses with strings of fall leaves snaking around the posts and the pumpkins nestled on top. There were spider webs with large spiders hanging on them, paper cut outs in different shapes and plastic skeletons and tombstones.

John was astounded at how everyone had come together to do all they could for the kids. 

Suddenly, he heard laughter and gasps of surprise and delight as the kids stepped outside, ready to run from house to house for their candy. The costumes were a broad variety of themes; some bought, some made by hand. 

They gave out candy, smiling at the choruses of ‘trick or treat’ echoing through the waning evening. John was touched when David came by - dressed in Commander Shepard armor, complete with an N7 logo. He didn’t realize a tear had slipped down his cheek until Kaidan moved in front of him to wipe it away and then grabbed his hand and squeezed. 

David even executed a perfect salute when he said trick or treat, a solemn look on his face. It was overwhelming and John gave him back a smart salute before leaning down to give him a hug, a quiet whisper in his ear, “Excellent job, soldier.” 

The boy's usual serious look was replaced by an ear-splitting grin. The moment was the highlight of the night for Shepard. 

As the line of kids petered out, the party then began with all kinds of games like bobbing for apples, pin the tail on the black cat, a Halloween bean bag toss and even a pumpkin pinata. The parents sat in a circle, watching the kids, talking and laughing, everyone getting to know each other better. 

John held Kaidan’s hand across their lawn chairs, just basking in the ambience of the night. One by one, the younger children began to gravitate towards their parents, climbing in laps to fall asleep. The older children continued to play on, not yet ready to give up their one night of excitement in a world gone mad. 

Allie walked over to her mom, sitting next to Kaidan, princess dress torn and lace trailing behind her. Her tiara was askew, red ringlets frazzled. John thought she looked adorable, even with her eyes heavy lidded from exhaustion and a smear of chocolate beside her mouth. 

She went to her mom but when Jennifer tried to pick her up, Allie shook her head no and whispered in her ear. Glancing their way, John saw a blush bloom on Jennifer's cheeks and she shook her head no but Allie was stubborn, asking again. Again the answr was no, her mom clearly not happy with whatever her daughter wanted. 

Undeterred, Allie marched over to Shepard and simply climbed up on his lap, snuggling in close and before he could react in any way, she lay her head on his chest and within seconds was fast asleep. John was paralyzed, unsure of what to do. 

He looked over and saw Jennifer smiling sheepishly, a look of apology on her face. Kaidan, though, was giving him the most beautiful smile John had ever seen. Looking down at the sleeping girl in his arms, Shepard felt...complete. It was a strange but wonderful feeling. 

He placed a hand gently on Allie's back to hold her in place, his other hand reaching for Kaidan’s once again. “This is nice.” 

“I have to admit, a child in your lap is a good look on you.” 

“Hmmph.” Shepard wasn’t sure what to say but glancing up, seeing the children laughing and having a great time, a sudden thought came to mind. “You know, I bet there are a lot of children out there like Allie, ones with no families. Makes you think, doesn’t it?”

Kaidan reached over and kissed him warmly, “It really does. Especially if you’re thinking what I am.” 

John had no doubt they were on the same page. After years of dancing around each other, they’d found their rhythm. Now, they were always in sync and he was sure Kaidan was thinking the same thing he was. 

Those children needed a home. One full of love and laughter. 

A home they could provide. 

[heyyyharry]

Ladies and Gentlemen

(from ‘Couple in Flat 102’)

…in which the bachelor/bachelorette parties turn out unexpected.

wattpad link

Warning: I haven’t proofread this to check for mistakes so if you spot them, pretend they don’t exist.

.

Olivia didn't even know why she ended up here. 

She was just driving past Harry's place when she thought about him. His wedding was tomorrow, and a part of her told her that she should come see him. But as soon as she stepped out of the lift, she realized how stupid it was and thought to herself maybe she should probably go. 

“Hey, homewrecker!”

The blonde jumped when she heard the voice, hoping it wasn't who she thought it was, but honestly there was only one person who would sound that happy when calling someone else 'a homewrecker'.

Layla was standing right there when Olivia turned around, giving the blonde a friendly smile, but Olivia already knew Layla was anything but friendly.

“Where are you going?” Layla pretended to look confused as she leaned aside to look over Olivia's shoulder. “Oh, are you here to see Haz?”

Olivia cracked a smirk, shaking her head and rolling her eyes because she knew Layla said that nickname on purpose. “Yeah.” She nodded. “I wanted to ask him about something at work but I don't need it anymore, so I'm leaving now.”

“Wait!” Layla called out when the other girl stalked to the lift. “You're also going to their wedding, right?”

“Yeah.” Olivia nodded, looking slightly puzzled, and a bit worried too. 

With a hand on her hip, Layla slowly walked up to the girl and flipped her hair over her shoulder as she said, “you should be thankful that you’re even invited.”

“Well, maybe unlike her best friend, Y/N knows people can actually change?” Olivia pressed her lips into a sly grin.

“Can they though?” Layla crossed her arms, nose stuck up high. “Everyone who's gonna be at the wedding has to help Y/N and Harry with the preparation."

“I got them the venue for free, didn't I?”

“You think they need the venue that much?” Layla scoffed, shaking her head. “I know Y/N and Harry, they could just get married in a fucking barn and they wouldn't care less. No matter what Y/N said, I know deep down she wants you to be at the wedding because she’s a good person and thinks you deserve another chance to be friends with Harry again.”

Olivia stayed quiet, staring at her feet. 

“So, if I were you I would be grateful and try to help out,” said Layla as she eyed Olivia from head to toes, and the blonde could already feel that look burning holes on her body. “I have a little favor for you, if you wanna help.”

Olivia nodded and lifted her face at last. “What is it?”

“I need you to go get the maid of honor dress for me. It's a simple task, even a five-year-old could do it. I would do it myself, but I have a lot to plan for the bachelorette party tonight.”

Thinking for a second, Olivia rolled her eyes and eventually agreed to do the little favor for Layla. Although she didn't like Layla very much, she still thought the girl had got a point. She should contribute to her best friend's big day, even if it meant tolerating Layla's harsh words and obnoxious attitude. Besides, bringing back a dress from the store didn't really sound difficult. 

At least that was what she thought. Sadly, it turned out that Olivia really had underestimated Layla.

The store wasn't very far from Harry's place, yet Olivia had just come back to London not so long ago, so she didn't really know the all the roads around the city. The direction Layla gave her made her drive in a big circle just to get to the destination which was only a few blocks away and she could've just gone on foot instead. But she told herself to swallow it in, and tried to think that she wasn't doing it for Layla, she was doing it for her best friend.

But the problem didn't just end there for the poor girl. Well, even though it was partly her fault, she would blame part of the unfortunate incident that happened next on Layla's dress itself. 

Ever since the first time she met Layla, Olivia had always thought Layla's appearance was inversely proportional to her personality. If she didn't open her mouth, maybe Olivia would've seen her as a fashion icon. When receiving the dress, Olivia was breathless by how gorgeous it was. The light gray gown was made of soft chiffon fabric, long and loose, with a deep v-neck and an illusion back. The blonde held the spaghetti straps of the dress to position it on her body as she looked at her own reflection in the mirror. She would kill the put on that dress, yet she knew if she did and Layla found out she would get in much trouble. But she could imagine what it would be like to wear this gown and feel the soft movement of the ruffled skirt with every single step she took. 

She played around with the zipper, not thinking much when she did it, but tragedies tend to happen when you least expected. The zipper got stuck in the fabric and Olivia assumed she could just tug on it and it would come off. But instead of fixing the problem, she made the problem bigger when the zipper cut through the thin material of the dress and left a visible rip at the back. Though it could only be seen when someone paid enough attention to it, Olivia knew she couldn't bring this back now. Layla had been looking for a way to kick her out of the wedding since the beginning, and that broken zipper would be a good excuse against her.

“Felicia,” she called the employee, looking at her name tag. “Do you think...do you think you can have this fixed?”

Felicia took the dress from Olivia and checked the little problem the girl had caused, then with a smile, she said that the rip wasn't serious and could be sew back to look as good as new. Hearing that made Olivia sigh in relief.

“I’ll come back tomorrow morning to get it then,” the blonde said with a smile. But the uncertain look on the employee's face worried her even more.

“Sorry, Miss,” said Felicia. “We cannot have it ready by tomorrow morning. How about next week?”

“What?!” Olivia widened her eyes at the girl, hands gripping the edge of the counter as she dropped her jaw. “But...my friend's wedding is tomorrow. You said it was just a tiny problem.”

“Yes, but we have other dresses to work on as well, and those customers had placed their orders before yours.”

“Can't you just do mine first? The wedding—”

“No, I'm very sorry. In our policy we—”

“Felicia, why are you arguing with our customer?” 

Both of the girls turned their heads to the direction of the voice and saw a pretty woman in a black dress heading straight towards them. Her name tag said ‘Tara' and apparently she was the store manager. Olivia watched Tara's burgundy lips curve into a smile as she asked her employee to tell her what the problem was. Felicia explained everything to her boss and also mentioned that Olivia needed the dress by tomorrow morning which was impossible because they had many important orders to fill.

Olivia heaved a sigh when Tara turned to her. “I know it's my fault but...I really need this dress for my best friend's wedding.”

“We can't get it done that fast,” said the older woman as she leaned down to examine the problem. “It's not just a broken zipper, the fabric is also torn and we need to sew it back.”

“Can you do it right now?”

“Miss, you must understand that we—” 

The sound of the little bell on the main entrance cut Tara off at once. All three women turned to the main entrance, when walked in a dark haired businessman in a grey suit, a vibrant smile spread across his beautifully structured face. He said hello to Tara and called her ‘sis', so apparently he wasn't just another customer.

It took Olivia a whole second to recognize him, and when she did, she couldn't be any happier. Jack Coleman — she remembered that name because her co-workers couldn't shut up about him. She'd never spoken a word to Jack, but she knew, whatever his relationship with Y/N was, he was friends with the girl and he also knew Harry. Fortunately, he was also the store manager's brother. So he might be able to help her out with the dress issue.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Olivia quickly grabbed Jack's elbow, catching him by surprise as he exchanged questioning looks with his own sister, wondering who the girl was. But Olivia didn't care that they didn't know each other. “You know Harry and Y/N, right?” She looked him in the eyes, squeezing his arm. “Their wedding is tomorrow and the maid of honor dress is torn but—”

“Are you the maid of honor?” Asked Jack, arching both eyebrows but Olivia only shook her head.

“No, I...I’m their...friend.”

Jack didn't say anything else to the girl. He could see how frantic she seemed, so he flashed her a smile to calm her down before turning to his own sister. “Tara, can you get this done by tomorrow?”

“Then I'll have to do it overnight.”

“Well, can you?”

“Are you kidding me? I’m very busy, J.” Tara furrowed her eyebrows, arms crossed in front of her chest. But it took her a moment to realize what was going on. She breathed out a laugh, raising an eyebrow at her brother. “Wait, is Y/N the girl you brought to Rose's birthday party?”

Olivia turned to look at Jack. Even though he was being quite subtle, the look on his face did change a bit when she mentioned Y/N. And for a second, Olivia could relate to what he might be feeling then. Jack didn't reply, but his sister really didn't need him to, she already knew the answer when she asked him that question. Tara was there when Y/N left him alone on the dance floor to come home to Harry. She didn't have to hear her brother admit that he was in love with that girl, because it was written all over his face. So she thought for a moment, twitching her lips and finally nodded her head.

“Felicia, move Jennifer Tyler's order back a day and fix this dress first,” said Tara as she rolled her eyes. “I'll come up with an excuse and apologize to Jen.”

Olivia literally sighed in relief, putting both hands on her chest as she put on a massive grin. She repeatedly thanked both Jack and Tara then watched Felicia take Layla's dress and follow her manager inside.

“Hey,” Jack spoke when Olivia turned back to him. He squinted her eyes and pointed a finger at her, as if trying to remember something. “I think we've met before.”

“Yeah, kind of. I’m Olivia, Mr. Davis' new assistant,” she said, shaking his hand. “You must have seen me at his office.”

“I'm Jack.” He gave her a smile. “What happened to Josephine though?”

“She couldn't stand his daughter so she quit."

“That makes sense.” Jack raised both eyebrows, chuckling softly. “Lucky for you Rose's in Paris now.”

“You know her? From what I've heard...she's kind of...” Olivia stopped midway to pull a funny face, sticking out her tongue and Jack chortled at the expression. 

“I grew up with her,” he confessed. “Nobody would believe me but Rose used to be so sweet.”

“What happened?”

“I don't know.” He gave her a shrug, shoving both hands in his pockets. “I moved abroad after my first year of college and when I came back two years later, it was like she’d turned into someone else.” Then he paused and thought for a second before adding, “sometimes you gotta accept that people change as they grow up. You can't just treat them like the person they used to be.”

Of course Jack knew nothing about Olivia's relationship with Harry, but when he said those things, she felt like he was talking about her. It wasn't something she didn't already know, she knew as time changed, people also changed. But a part of her still refused to believe that rule also applied to Harry. It was sad to think her time being in his life had passed already. Was she wrong to treat him like he was the same boy she used to know? Was that why he’d been keeping distance from her?

“Hey, I gotta go talk to Tara about something,” Jack's voice pierced through Olivia's thought as she blinked fast and saw him check the time on his watch. “I'll see you at the wedding tomorrow?”

“Y-Yeah.” She curved her lips into a smile, nodding her head. “See you there.”

“It was nice talking to you, Olivia.” 

“You can call me Livy.”

“Livy.” Jack smiled as he patted her slightly on the arm and walked to the back of the store. As Olivia watched him go, she began to think maybe those rumors about him were all wrong. That man was too nice to come between a happy relationship, which she'd tried to do and regretted every day for last couple years.

.

.

.

As a tradition, the bride and the groom weren't allowed to see each other the night before the wedding. Y/N thought it was rather stupid, maybe only because she didn't remember what it was like to sleep without Harry. But Layla wouldn't let her break that tradition and ‘betray her own sisters' on her last night being 'free'. Trix had flown all the way from Brighton to London to help Layla plan the bachelorette party for Y/N, while Niall, Liam, and Louis stole Harry away for their own party, which, according to Niall, would be ‘much better than Layla's'.

“Sorry, I'm late!” Nam rushed into Layla's living room and took off his coat to hang it up by the door. Kate widened her eyes as he sat down next to her on the sofa. 

“You invited a guy?” She asked Y/N, who responded with a grin.

“Don't worry, he's gay,” she said.

“I'm so excited.” Nam laughed when Layla poured him a glass of champagne. “I feel bad for Ben but I'm glad I won.”

“Won?” Y/N's sister Maisie raised an eyebrow at him.

“Well, Layla told me couples aren’t allowed at the party so one of us must go with the boys. We rock-paper-scissored-ed and I won.”

“I'm glad you won. You're my favorite gay,” Layla said and all eyes turned to her.

“You said the same thing to Ben last week.” Nam looked at her in confusion as everyone burst out laughing, but Layla just stuck out her bottom lip and shot him a grin.

“My favorite gay changes every week. Next week it'll be Neil Patrick Harris.” She shrugged.

“Great! Now that we're all here, let's do this!” Trix said, hands on her knees as she looked around, giggling like a little girl. But nobody else could relate to her excitement because there was literally nothing to be excited about.

“Do what?” Kate scoffed, looking around the quiet living room. “Sit here and breathe?”

“Don't be sarcastic with me Cat.”

“My name is Kate.”

“Whatever you say, Cat.” Layla shrugged, holding up her glass and used her nail to tap on it to demand all attention on her. “Ladies and…Nam,” the girl cleared her throat, looking at each of the five people sitting on the couch. “As the maid of honor, I would like to say a few kind words about my beautiful best friend.”

Everyone began to clap but she shushed them all at once to continue. “This is your last ni—”

Layla was once again interrupted by the sound of doorbell. All heads immediately turned to the front door, second guessing who it might be. All except for Layla, because it was a part of her plan for that night. Sighing happily, she said, “my surprise has finally arrived. Come in boys!”

“Boys?!”

Nam literally bounced off the couch, the other four cheered, and Y/N started coughing as she choked on her water. The bride didn’t even get a chance to ask her best friend what was happening, when three muscular men burst into Layla’s living room, all dressed in police uniforms, but everyone there could tell they weren’t actually police officers.

“Surprise!”

“Layla, what…”

Y/N’s mouth fell open when her friends rushed towards the strippers and Layla turned on the loud music, throwing her hands in the air, screaming in excitement. Y/N quickly grabbed her wrist and frantically asked her what she was doing. In return, Layla looked as chill as she possibly could.

“Relax, Harry won’t know. You’re gonna thank me later,” she told Y/N and pulled her up from the couch, holding her by the shoulders and pushing her forward. “Guys, this is the beautiful bride!”

“Layla!”

.

.

.

Apparently, Layla was wrong.

At that same moment, in a club all the way across town, Harry almost spit the whiskey all over Niall when he saw that clip of the girls at the bachelorette party. Niall was gonna ask him what was wrong, but he yelled immediately, “your girlfriend hired three strippers?!”

“Wow, really?” Niall chuckled, grabbing Harry’s phone to check Kate’s instagram story. It was a video of her dancing with a half-naked male and the caption said, ‘thank you Layla! Best bachelorette party ever!!!’

“Well.” Liam snorted. “This is very Layla.”

“Wait, wait, wait, they have male strippers over there?” Ben gasped, slamming his beer down on the counter. “Damn it! Why did I have to come up with that rock, paper, scissors thing?!”

“Told ya we should get strippers,” Louis said and everyone except for Ben glared at Harry.

“No strippers! If I wanted to see a naked woman, I could just go home to my wife.” He shook his head fast, lifting the bottle in his hand to gulp down all at once and slammed his hand on the table. “I’m going over there!”

“Woah, woah, woah!”

All the boys grabbed him before he could walk a step away from them, then pressed him back on the chair.

“Get your shit together, Harold! You are not going over there,” Niall gripped his shoulder, pointing a finger to his face. “And we’re not going to lose to the girls, okay? They can’t beat us.”

“Bottoms up, boys,” he turned to the others, raising his glass and leaving Harry confused. “And then we’re gonna have some real fun.”

.

.

.

The bachelorette night ended up with them being slightly drunk and now sprawling on Layla's kingsize bed putting on beauty masks, gossiping while braiding each other's hair like teenage girls at a slumber party. Y/N had to admit that the strippers thing was fun and all (even though she refused to let them come too close and had her eyes covered throughout most of their lap dance), but when Layla suggested getting shit-faced, she had to abolish that idea at once. The last thing she wanted was to crawl to her own wedding because she was too hungover to walk down the aisle.

“I wonder what the boys are doing now...” Y/N spoke as she rested her chin on her knee and sat still for Layla to paint her toe nails. 

With clay mask on, Nam was scrolling through his instagram feed as he tried to speak without moving his lips, “Niall took them to the spa and they went shopping.”

“That's so fucking lame. Psst, amateurs!” Layla scoffed, making everyone laugh. 

“I don't think it's lame, they’ve spent a lot of money apparently,” Kate said as she sat up on the bed, so Layla snatched the phone from the girl’s hand to see it for herself. 

“Layla, be careful!” Y/N shouted as her best friend nearly spilt nail polish all over the sheet when she bounced up, hands gripping the device. Her eyes immediately broadened the moment she saw her boyfriend's instagram story.

“I think he's using my discount codes,” Layla mumbled, pinching her own forehead. “Wait...ALL of my discount codes?!”

To everyone's surprise, she jumped right off the bed and grabbed her phone on the nightstand to dial Niall's number. It took less than two seconds for her to start shouting into her phone.

“Niall James Horan! How dare you?! Do you know what I had to go through to get those coupons?! What is wrong with you?! No, stop it! You don't need a free facial massage, I do, okay?!” 

All the others exchanged terrified looks when Layla stormed out of the room. Even though she was already in the hallway, they could still hear her voice loud and clear. 

“I swear to Jesus after the wedding tomorrow you're gonna sleep on the couch. I cannot accept such rude behavior in this household, Niall James Horan!”

“When she calls you by your full name, you know you're fucked,” Nam said, and everyone cracked up at his comment. All except for Y/N rushed to the door to hear Layla yelling at Niall as they took turns guessing what would happen to him. 

Y/N, on the other hand, grabbed her phone on the nightstand when nobody was paying attention to her. Layla had to take her phone away so she wouldn't text or call Harry. But since Layla was busy scolding Niall, Y/N used that opportunity to check on her fiancé. She just missed him too much to follow the rules.

To her surprise, she saw five messages from him when she switched on the screen.

⌲ Hubby: Do not touch the strippers! 

⌲ Hubby: I'm so mad at Layla.

⌲ Hubby: Niall took us shopping, want me to get you something?

⌲ Hubby: Wifey, I miss you.

⌲ Hubby: :(

Y/N giggled, shaking her head as she typed down a reply:

⌲ You shouldn't be on your phone while you're out with the boys H!

It literally took Harry less than a second to read that text, so she wondered what the boys were doing.

⌲ Hubby: They're all kind of drunk right now they wouldn't care. They're also too busy watching Niall being yelled at.

⌲ Here the girls and Nam are watching Layla yelling at him lol

⌲ Hubby: Might sneak out to come see you later.

⌲ It's late, bby. Get some rest.

⌲ Hubby: Can't sleep if I don't kiss you goodnight tho.

Y/N couldn't believe that sentence made her blush even though she was marrying that man tomorrow. The thought caused her to roll her eyes and bite her bottom lip to hold back another smile.

⌲ Clingy!

⌲ But okay, I'll tell you when to come over.

⌲ Hubby: Yay!

⌲ Hubby: Are the strippers still there???

⌲ Yeah, I'm lying with a naked man right now ;)

⌲ Hubby: Don’t. Joke. Like. That.

Y/N released a breathy laugh, but her moment with Harry was soon interrupted as everyone rushed back to the bed when they heard Layla told Niall she was going to hang up and deal with him tomorrow. 

⌲ Layla's back. Gotta go.

⌲ Hubby: OK. See you later princess. Love you!

⌲ Aww love you lots.

Smiling, Y/N quickly placed her phone back to its previous spot before Layla returned, and just like everyone else, acted like nothing had happened.

.

.

.

Harry hated to wake up in the middle of the night, but his dry throat was unbearable. It left him no other choice but to roll out of bed and drag his heavy feet out of the room.

He walked straight to the kitchen, silently telling himself that after a glass of water he would go back to sleep. But it didn't take him long to notice Y/N's bedroom door was wide opened, and her bed was left empty. She wasn't in the living room, wasn't in the kitchen either. So he quickly finished his glass of water and went to the front door, assuming she was right outside. And he was right. 

His flatmate was sitting in the hallway, with the laptop on her lap as she rested her back against the wall and turned to look at him when she heard the door open.

He asked her why she was sitting there, and she told him she needed to finish an essay but the light in her room didn't work. She couldn't study in the living room either, saying if she turned on the light he would be able to see it from his room and couldn't go back to sleep. So the hallway was the only good option left.

“Why do you always wait until the last minute to do stuff?” He asked, making her smile.

“Would've finished this ages ago if you’d just let me copy your assignment.” Then she turned back to her laptop. “Don't worry. I'm almost done. You should go back to sleep.”

But the problem was, he couldn't. Now that he saw her like that, he couldn't go back to sleep anymore. So without saying another word, he sat down on the floor by her side and she turned to raise an eyebrow at him.

“I'll keep you entertained, you must be lonely out here,” he said with a cheeky grin, making her snort.

“Alright, if you want to.” Y/N shrugged, turning away, but Harry could spot a secret smile resting upon her lips. 

The hallway was enjoyably quiet as it was two in the morning or so; and most of the people in that building had already gone to bed. If someone showed up now, they might just assume Harry and Y/N were insane for sitting outside their flat at this hour. 

“I cannot wait to graduate and never have to do this again,” Y/N mumbled under her breath while typing down a few more lines for her essay. Though she wasn’t paying attention to him, Harry couldn’t help but smile, keeping his eyes fixed on her. However, as soon as he thought about the words she'd just said, that beam was quick to disappear at once.

Them graduating also meant them leaving the flat — her leaving him. Very soon, moments like this would just be a distant memory to them both, at least to her; because he didn’t think he could forget about her. All of a sudden, Harry just wanted to freeze time so he could stay with her in the hallway like that, for as long as he wanted, forever would do.

“What do you wanna do after graduation?” She asked him, breaking the silence between them two. Her sudden question caught Harry off guard so he didn't have much time to think before giving her a proper answer. 

“Travel the world, I guess,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “What — What about you?”

“I’m gonna stay in London and find a job I love...” She released a warm laugh. “Maybe find a boyfriend.” 

Her second sentence made him frown, but Y/N couldn't see that look on his face so she went on, “but I'm not gonna get marry early. I'll wait until I'm at least thirty to settle down. I need to earn lots of money first.”

“I support your decision of not getting married early.” He nodded, pressing his lips into a hard line when she turned to look at him, slightly puzzled and amused. She didn't ask him why, but even if she had, he still wouldn't have told her the truth. The thought of her marrying someone else made him feel irritated, yet he knew that was what she deserved since he never wanted to settle down anyway. 

A happy family with children and a little house with white painted fence just wasn't for someone like him. But his heart broke when he thought about meeting her again ten years down the road and she introduced him to her husband and her kids. So maybe if she waited at least she was thirty to settle down, he would have more time to get his shit together to actually be brave enough to tell her how he felt; or maybe he would have enough time to get over her and eventually let her go. At this point, however, he doubted the latter option would be possible.

“What about you?” She asked, breaking through the thoughts built up inside his head. “Will you ever want to settle down?”

“I don't know. I think it's too early to think about it,” he said. “Probably...never.”

Y/N looked away and smiled, slowly shaking her head. He wondered what that smile meant, but he never got to find out because he never asked her.

“You're not going to my wedding alone, are you?” She joked, looking into his eyes. And even though a part of him wanted to tell her if she was marrying someone else, he didn't think he would be able to attend the wedding. But in return, he said, “you haven't even found a boyfriend yet and I'm already invited to your wedding?”

“Why not? You'll be the first name on the list.” She giggled.

All this talk about the future began to make Harry overthink and feel anxious, so he didn't want to continue speaking of it anymore. He changed the subject by asking her about her essay, and they talked a little bit more about other kinds of irrelevant things that they could think of. At first Harry was very determined to sit there with her until morning, but his sleepiness was forcing his eyelids to fall. As he started yawning and stretching his limbs, Y/N could tell her flatmate was too tired to continue talking to her.

“You should go to bed,” she told him with a smile. “I can be here on my own.”

“No, I'm good,” he reassured her but his hooded eyes said otherwise. There was no way he would let his sleepiness take away those precious hours alone with the girl he liked.

“You can use my shoulder as a pillow if you're too tired.”

“Really?” His surprised face made her giggle.

“Really. Here. Go ahead,” she told him, patting on her shoulder.

Harry didn’t need to be told twice. He scooted closer to the girl and finally rested his head on her shoulder, smiling as he closed his eyes and leaned on her for support. 

“You can't find a better flatmate than me,” she said between laughter. 

But what she didn't expect was to hear him say, “then don't ever leave me.” 

Harry couldn’t see the look on her face, but at that point he was too tired to worry about what she might think. 

“I can't find another you, so don't leave me.” His voice was slow and husky. He had his eyes closed, already drifting away, but her warm laughter kept him awake.

“Okay, I'll haunt you for the rest of your life then.”

He only smiled, not saying anything else. What Y/N didn’t know was, she was already always on his mind.

.

.

.

It was 2AM when Harry arrived in front of Layla's flat. He sat on the floor in the hallway while waiting for Y/N, who took nearly five minutes to escape from Layla's arms and sneak out to see her fiancé. Harry greeted his love with a passionate kiss, and also a bag of fries and burgers he’d bought on his way there.

“I thought you might be hungry,” he said with a cheeky grin. Nobody knew her better than he did.

“I can't believe you bought me fast food the night before my wedding.” Y/N giggled as she took out the cheeseburger from the paper bag. They were both sitting side by side on the floor now, backs against the wall. Even though they knew nobody could hear them talking, they still had to keep their voices down because the last thing they wanted was to wake up Layla, and have her find out Harry had snuck out from his and Y/N's flat to go see his bride the night before their wedding.

“Your wedding?” He dropped his jaw, pretending to look offended. “Your groom is sitting right here, lady!”

“Where is he?” She looked around, pushing him out of her way to look for that groom he was talking about. “I don't see him here, Harry.”

“You're lucky you're cute.” He rolled his eyes when she burst out laughing and leaned into kiss him on the cheek. 

Taking a bite of the burger, she narrowed her eyes at him and said with her mouth full, “if I cannot fit in my dress tomorrow, I'm cancelling the wedding.”

“Bold of you to assume that's not exactly what I want.”

Her mouth fell open in reaction to his joke as she slightly punched him on the arm and threatened to stand up and leave immediately. Their quiet laughter faintly echoed in the empty hallway, but it soon faded out to let the silence fill in again. Y/N wiped her hand with the paper towels he’d brought once she’d finished the burger. It was only then that she finally noticed he’d been staring at her and smiling like an idiot the entire time.

“Is there ketchup on my face?” She asked, touching her cheek. But Harry only shook his head and brought one of her hands to his lips to lay a kiss on her knuckles.

“I can't believe you're gonna be my ex-girlfriend.”

She breathed out a laugh as he looked so proud of his own joke.

“Get it? Because you're gonna be—”

“Your wife. I get it.” Y/N rolled her eyes, yet unable to cover up the beam on her face. “You're so lame.”

“Too bad. You're stuck with me.” He quickly lifted her hand and pointed to the ring on her finger. “Forever!”

“Noooooo!” Y/N’s dramatic reaction got both of them dying of laughter.

Harry wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder, just like that night in the hallway many years ago. This time, she had one arm around his shoulders to stroke his hair, knowing it would help him relax.

“I'm sorry I messed up your plan of waiting until you're thirty to settle down,” he joked, leaving a smile on her face.

“And I'm sorry for making you stay in London instead of traveling the world.” She laughed quietly.

“But my world is all right here.” 

His reply made her turn her head to look down at him. So Harry looked up, batting his eyelashes as he expected a compliment, but what she said to him was, “I swore I saw this pick up line somewhere on the Internet already.”

“They probably stole it from me."

The smug look on his face made Y/N roll her eyes. However, she had never been more sure that she was going to marry the right person. 

“Oh god, it’s almost 3AM?!” Y/N gasped when she checked the time on her phone. “You need to leave now. We’re gonna oversleep and be late for our own wedding!”

“Think about it,” Harry said, arms tightened around her waist instead of letting go. “The wedding can only start if we're there, so we can just show up an hour late and it won't even be considered as late.”

“Makes sense.” Y/N chuckled, still she unwrapped his arms and pulled him up as she got up from the floor. 

Pouting, Harry held both of her hands tight. “But I want your cuddles.”

So she cupped his face between her hands and kissed him on the cheek as she whispered, “you have your whole life to cuddle me.”

Harry knew that already, but somehow hearing that from her made his heart flutter and warm. 

“One last thing.” He suddenly furrowed his brows as if it was something very important. “The strippers.”

“Seriously?” Y/N snorted when she saw the grumpy look on his face. 

“Did they touch you?”

“No.”

“Did you touch them?”

“No.”

“Really?” He raised an eyebrow, plastering a smile upon her face. “They have pretty sick abs.”

Y/N shook her head fast, placing a hand on Harry’s stomach to stroke him there. “But I prefer your soft tummy.”

“Hey! My tummy ain't soft!”

“Yes it is! When we first dated you had six packs, now your tummy is as soft as my pillow.”

When she compared his belly to a pillow, Harry couldn’t keep a straight face anymore, he just had to laugh. Shaking his head, he said, “I just didn't want the other girls to drool over me so I stopped working on these abs, okay? If I had killer abs like when I was nineteen, people would stare at me all the time. Do you wanna lose your husband?”

His reasoning made Y/N cackle with laughter, so she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her cheek upon his chest, telling him how much she loved him as if he didn’t already know. But of course, their romantic moment had to come to an end when the front door opened wide and Layla appeared in her sleeping gown, mouth agape as she saw Harry’s face.

“Oh my god! You sneaky little shits!”

“Gotta go! Love you!” Harry quickly pecked his girl on the cheek and ran as fast as he could so Layla couldn't get him. Before he got into the lift, he didn’t forget to shout out loud, “see you tomorrow, wifey!” 

That might’ve annoyed a few neighbors living on the same floor, but Harry was too elated to even care. Y/N was just the same. She stood there, chest heaving up and down, smiling like a madwoman even long after Harry had already gone.

“You two make me sick,” Layla grumbled.

Quickly, she took her best friend’s wrist to pull her back inside; otherwise Y/N would just keep standing there like a happy fool until the sun came. Layla urged the girl back to bed, slightly annoyed when she looked at the clock on the wall and saw what time it was.

“For fucks sake, Juliet. I don't want you to fall asleep while standing at the altar!” 

No matter what Layla said, the bride was still full of energy after seeing her soon-to-be husband in the hallway. She turned around to grin at her best friend, and Layla had to think twice whether or not she’d accidentally let Y/N drink more than she should’ve. 

“Oh my god!” Y/N gasped, shaking with nervous laughter when she fell back on the bed. “I'm getting married today.”

[mithrilwren]

Movie breakdown number 2 of the day! I just saw Cats! I really enjoyed it! Let’s go!

Ok, so like, I don’t really know how to structure this, so I’m just going to go song by song and bookend it by general thoughts!

Overall, the uncanny valley I was expecting got pretty bearable within the first few minutes. The tail twitches got me at first, but I ended up really liking what they did with the CGI portions of the costumes, particularly the emotive ears (especially on Victoria, who just wins for emotiveness overall). I think the reason it feels strange in the first scene in particular is that we’re still in a relatively... tame setting? Like, we see Victoria flung from a bag into a regular old street, and so we haven’t got that heightened sense of reality yet, the kind that really kicks off as soon as we jump into The Old Gumbie Cat and things get real wack-a-doodle. The film’s commitment to outrageous sets and acting and choreography and ridiculousness really works with the CGI - I don’t think you could do one without the other. Like @paladinical said, you’ve just got to buy in.

Alright, to the songs!

Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats - I did not expect to get drawn in so quickly, but as soon as the first strains of this song hit, I was flung backwards in time to being seven and watching the Cats stage movie for the first time. I must confess, I got chills at the line “Do you know how to get to the Heavyside Layer?” It was also pretty clear to me from this song that they actually hired very talented singers, whose vocal quality doesn’t feel out of place in this sort of broadway production (more on that later). Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED Tom Hooper’s Les Mis with all my heart, but if I could name one weakness about that film, it was a lack of vocal cohesion. The actors might have been alright singers in their own right, but they certainly didn’t have tone qualities that blended together nicely (with the exception of Les Amis, who not coincidentally, I think, were primarly made up of theatre actors). I was really impressed with how well everyone matched here. This is also the first time we get to see ‘main cat dude’ (apparently his name is...  Munkustrap????? idk man I don’t remember them mentioning his name). That character has to be able to carry the entire structure of the musical on charisma alone, and man does this actor deliver. Instantly engaging, might be my favourite voice of the whole cast. Definitely a good choice for the part. 

Naming of the Cats - creepy, just as it should be. I was already really happy here with what they chose to do re. Victoria as POV character. Getting to see her reactions - fear morphing into delight - really helps bring the audience along on the journey.

The Old Gumbie Cat - I always find it unfortunate that this is the first big cat song of the musical, because I (personally) find it the least interesting of the whole bunch - I never cared for it in the movie version either. And this is where I come back to vocal cohesion from above - I like Rebel Wilson well enough as an actor, but I found her the weakest vocalist of the movie. Comparatively, her singing sounded thin, and surprisingly pitchy in parts, and I was a little worried going out of this song that that’s what I’d have to expect from the rest of the famous contingent of the cast. Luckily, that turned out not to be true, but it couldn’t rescue this song for me. 

The Rum Tum Tugger - Fun fact, the first time I was ever called a bitch in my memory, it was for telling a girl in high school that Jason DeRulo just Wasn’t That Good. (In hindsight, I deserved it - I was kind of being a dick about it.) Anyways, I actually loved him here! I found his Rum Tum Tugger a little more endearing than the stage film - I got the sense that the other cats weren’t so much swooning/orgasming over him, as just humouring his antics, like any good friends would. He had a really pleasant sound, and his dance movies were great. I also just really enjoyed seeing him in the background of other scenes. That’s another overall comment, I liked how the cast so much felt like a CAST, rather than a bunch of individual actors here to sing their big parts and be done. You got to see these big names playing background in other peoples’ scenes! That was cool!

Gonna skip over Memory for now

Grizabella the Glamour Cat - Not too much to say on this one, other than it was interesting that this film actually gave the rest of the cats a reason to hate her, other than her being ugly and old. She joined with Macavity! Though they must have had a falling out. I do love Victoria as the newcomer, and the bridge who is able to see Grizabella with fresh eyes.

Bustapher Jones - I actually quite like this song, and thought it started strong. Maybe this is just my prior expectations creeping in, but I always liked the idea of Bustapher Jones as this legitimately dignified, if a little stuffy, cat, that the others respect and only affectionately rib at. I’m not sure how I feel about his transformation to absolute buffoonery here - no, that’s a lie. I didn’t like it. I wish they hadn’t gone for the cheap ‘oh he’s fat’ laughs. I think they could have done something more clever with it. _shruggie_

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer - I confess, the first part of this song threw me, because it sounded so different to what I remembered. I actually listened to the original soundtrack version on the bus ride home, and was doubly confused to find the two matched pretty well. Finally, I watched the stage movie version, and I saw what the disconnect was. The stage movie had, at least from what I could tell, a fair bit more syncopation, and both the OST and this movie kept the meter straight, which made the two sound slightly less off-kilter than I was expecting. That being said, once I got past the difference, this might be my favourite scene-by-scene shot of all the cat songs. It was just so much fun. I adore the idea of sweet Victoria having genuine fun making trouble with these two screwballs, who as much as they’re working with Macavity at times, don’t seem to have bad hearts past wanting to make mischief. I was smiling the whole way through.

Old Deuteronomy - Aka the song where I fell asleep the first time I watched this movie. I had forgotten Judi Dench was playing the character! She definitely elevated the part for me - solemn but playful, and affectionate in a way that makes me understand why the other cats respect her.

The Jellicle Ball - Man, this choreography was real good. Victoria, again, stands out - her movement quality is just beautiful, so strong and fluid, and charismatic cat dude is back at it again!

Beautiful Ghosts - If we’re going to go back to comparisons between this and Les Mis, I do think this new song fits better into the makeup of the play than Suddenly did there. Victoria has a very sweet voice, and her continually reaching out to Grizabella has to be one of the most emotionally affecting parts of the whole movie. She just wants her to come inside, like she was welcomed inside! It’s so sweet and good!

Gus the Theatre Cat - Speaking of emotionally affecting, Ian McKellan went for it, eh? I didn’t even remember this song existed, but McKellan’s earnestness really shone through and made it something special.

Skimbleshanks - Another song I didn’t remember existing! And will probably forget again come nightfall, but I thought the sound design in the railway tapping sequence was super cool.

Macavity - I didn’t even realize that was Taylor Swift until halfway through the song, so kudos to her! (Another fun fact: I once sang this song for an audition and got totally lambasted by the directors because it apparently shows off nothing about your vocal range or ability. Which, again, fair.) This song is delighfully campy, and it was so fun to finally get to see Macavity out of the shadows. Idris Elba was clearly having fun for this whole film, and I loved watching him be deliciously evil.

Mr. Mistofelees - This is definitely a departure from what I remember from the stage show, which is... nothing. I vaguely remember Mr. Mistofeless sort of being a non-entity in the actual story, as much as I liked his song. They did a better job in this movie of setting him up with an actual presence in other parts of the film, so when we get to this elevated, suddenly-plot-relevant rendition, we actually care about him and want him to succeed.

Memory - I straight up didn’t like this song going in. I’ve never liked it. I found it trite, and boring, and could not comprehend why it was so popular. Congratulations, Jennifer Hudson, for making me start to get it. Mostly, though, the biggest thing that I think made a huge difference in how much more I liked this song here than I have before, is that they made the line “Touch me!” mean something. There’s so much in the language of touch in this film, that’s been firmly established before we get to this song. The cats nuzzle, they dance together, they lie together, they mimic each other. And their refusal to get near Grizabella says so much without needing words. I didn’t shed a tear, but I certainly got emotional when Deuteronomy and Grizabella finally touched foreheads. Acceptance, without words. Really beautiful.

Ok, I think that’s it! Overall, I thought this movie was pretty dang good. I’d put it on again just to watch the choreography. With some minor exceptions, I’d probably listen to the sountrack again too! I think the strongest points for me were definitely the way that the cast of characters felt like an affectionate, cohesive family, and the commitment to the sentimentality of it all. If there’s one thing I can call this film, it’s earnest, and it was so nice to go into something that didn’t reek of cynicism, but of hope, and found family, and second chances. 

@paladinical that got a little longer than I anticipated! Hopefully you enjoy my rambling thoughts, haha.