#i love tapenade!

[ramblingandpie]

Was reading the grocery flyer and they have cans of olives on sale and damn if my brain didn't go "you certainly will not regret eating an entire can of olives" so that's where I'm at today.

[rithmeres]

we stay eating ‼️‼️

[the-penguinspy]

tapenade 😌

YEAHYEAHYEAH TAPENADE!!!! literally read ur fic, googled it, and went 'hmm yeah this sounds so delicious except i don't like olives. i should make this teehee' and then i did and what do u know it was amazing!!!! and so is ur fic!!!! love love love all around :)

[dilemmaontwolegs]

Life Lessons || CL16

Summary: After an embarrassing secret is shared Charles accepts some help to learn a few things about female pleasure.

Warnings: 18+ only, nsfw, fem rec oral, sex ed

WC: 2.9k

Charles - The Lazy Lover - Leclerc. That was what the wag gossip pages all shared in their stories and Charles’ cheeks grew red with embarrassment as he read the latest caption. The supposed ‘inside source’ had recounted the disappointment his past girlfriends had found in Charles’ bedroom activities. They cited him as ‘vanilla’ and ‘a missionary man’, but none of those hurt more than the sentence that described his oral capabilities as ‘nonexistent’.

He didn’t think he was bad in bed, and he wouldn’t have called himself selfish, but he couldn’t help asking some of his exes for the truth. Each of them denied sharing the information to the gossip pages, but they all replied with the same consensus.

Charles chased his own pleasure and they didn’t feel comfortable telling him what they needed to reach their own high too. He felt guilty, wondering how many of the relationships would have ended differently or not ended at all if he had paid more attention - to their sex life as well as the rest. He certainly hadn’t been the most attentive in any aspect of his last relationship with Alexandra.

“Don’t laugh,” Pierre started the conversation seriously, something that immediately caused concern for Charles. “I know someone who knows someone that can help you. She’s a private tutor, of sorts.”

“Do you know how fucked I would be if news broke I went to a hooker?”

“She’s not a hooker,” Pierre assured him as he wrote an address down on a napkin and slid it across the table. “It's already taken care of, 8pm tomorrow.”

Charles looked at the address and sighed. “This is in Paris.”

“Of course, City of Love, my friend.” Pierre finished his coffee and rose from the table, pushing a pair of sunglasses over his eyes. “You’re welcome.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Charles mumbled, still uncertain about the whole idea of having a stranger teach him how to be a better lover. “I guess.”

Later that afternoon, Charles received an email with a rather detailed questionnaire about his experiences in the bedroom as well as a small dining and drinks menu to select from. He figured he couldn’t be any more embarrassed than he already was and took his time to honestly answer the questions.

—

Charles debated turning around at least three times as he climbed the stairs in a modern apartment building. He had caught a glimpse of the Eiffel Tower from the stairwell window and paused as the lights danced along the metal, wondering if he was in the right place. He was still in half a mind that Pierre had sent him to a brothel, but this didn’t fit the stereotype he had in his head of a Parisian whorehouse. He definitely imagined more Moulin Rouge lighting and seedy alleys.

He reached the 3rd floor and found only one door on the landing, his finger barely able to aim for the doorbell with its shaking. He didn’t know what to expect when the handle started to turn, but it certainly wasn’t a bright welcoming smile and the delicious smell of fresh baking.

“Hi, you must be Charles,” you greeted your newest client. “Come in, please.”

You could tell he was nervous as he hesitantly stepped inside and his eyes scanned your home, taking in the artwork on the walls and the candlelit table with two place settings. You tried to ease his mind with a quick introduction about who you were while you poured him a glass of wine.

“Help yourself,” you said as you took a seat and waved a hand to the fresh bread and cheeses he had selected from the menu. He took a breath and sat down opposite you, the candlelight catching the sharp jawline and angular features of his handsome face. “So, Charles, what is your goal? What do you want to get out of this?”

“I, uh, to be able to please a woman?”

“You don’t sound sure,” you teased as you watched him spread an olive tapenade over the fresh toasted bread.

“No, no, I am,” he said a little more forcefully before sighing. “I didn’t realise I was…bad…in bed, until recently.”

“Well, rest assured, we will change that. But first, tell me a bit more about yourself, there’s only so much I can learn from the questionnaire.”

—

Charles began to relax the more he shared. He knew he was protected by the NDA you had sent with the rest of the paperwork and the anonymity that came with baring his ugly truths to a stranger helped to ease the discomfort of what he was doing. He still wasn’t exactly sure what he was doing but your encouraging smile kept his words flowing, like he was finally doing something right.

He hadn’t realised how quickly time had passed until the grandfather clock in the entrance chimed the hour and he saw he had eaten his fill of the meal he chose.

His overnight bag still waited on the hall table, the list of what to bring had been ticked off and double checked. His calendar had been cleared for the weekend and his phone turned off. Everything he needed to remember could be jotted down in the small journal that sat beside his used cutlery.

“So, um, what happens next?” he asked as his eyes darted to the bedroom door.

“Whatever you feel comfortable with, Charles. Come,” you rose from the table and grabbed his bag, taking it to your bedroom as he trailed behind. His feet rushed before slowing down as he caught his own eagerness and frowned to himself. It was common. There was a blurred line between of uncertainty on whether they were here to get laid or here to learn.

You placed his bag beside the large desk that covered one wall of your room and pointed to the computer chair where he took a seat. “Every woman is different and there isn’t a universal button to make us come. But, by understanding the physiological functions and anatomy, I will teach you the tools to find the right spots to make her fall apart.”

“A-anatomy?” he stammered.

You took a step back and unzipped your dress, letting it fall to the floor and bare your nakedness. His eyes widened and he swallowed deeply as he drank in your body. A soft breath fell from his parted lips when you climbed onto the desk and spread your legs either side of him. “I could show you a textbook, but I find this much more effective.”

His throat bobbed as he tried to keep eye contact and the act brought a little laugh from your chest, forcing him to look at your breasts bouncing with it. “You can look, in fact that is exactly what this first lesson is about. Look, Charles.”

His eyes closed but when they opened he was staring at your core, his chest inflating with his deep breath. “Do I just start?” he asked hesitantly, wetting his lips with his tongue.

“Just look for now,” you said with a smile as you reached down your body. “Everyone has erogenous zones, places that feel good when stimulated, and these can be found all over your body, men and women. Thumbs, wrists, behind the knees, inner thighs, neck. Simply kissing and sucking these spots can feel just as good as foreplay.”

“Really?” he eyes widened in surprise and his eyes scanned all the places you had mentioned.

“Really, and I want you to find mine.” You bared your throat and relaxed back on your elbows. “You’ll watch for the physical reactions to confirm it. Deep breathing, moans, eyes closing, jaw slack, forehead pinched - they are some of the outward signs of pleasure.”

“Are you okay with this?” he asked as he found your bent knee the closest point to his lips and his tentative touch warmed your skin.

“I am, and I am pleased that you asked for consent.”

He smiled proudly at the praise before he lifted your leg and kissed the back of your knee, his eyes watching your face as he dragged his tongue along the tendon and crease. Your head fell back and he grinned. “There.”

“One,” you confirmed with a nod before he moved up to your thigh, trying the same thing with a kiss and a lap of his tongue. A giggle bubbled up and you squirmed away. “That’s just ticklish.”

“So not that one?” he double checked, and you shook your head. “Okay…”

The man was thorough and he made sure to find which ones were good for you and which ones weren’t. He paid attention to the signs and more than once he paused to jot down a note in the journal you had provided.

“You’re a good student,” you praised.

“I have a good teacher.”

You smiled at the compliment. “Would you like to explore lesson two tonight or rest? We have all weekend.”

His eyes gave away his answer before his lips did and you climbed off the desk. “Let’s start with the basics then. The first thing you want to do is make yourself comfortable. Craning your neck from where you lie between her legs isn’t comfortable and won’t encourage you to stay there if things take a little longer,” you explained as you moved into the bed and tossed him a pillow. “So, pop one of these under the small of her back.”

He looked at the pillow and shuffled forward. “Now?”

“Mhmm,” you hummed, lifting your hips up so he could lay it in place. “Two things happen here, one, it lifts her hips higher for better access which your neck will be thankful for, and two, it tilts her pelvis down and makes it much easier to work her g spot.”

“I thought that was a myth.”

“Why don’t you find out?” you dared. “Did you clip your nails before you came?”

He looked at the short nails and wiggled his fingers with a nod. He had followed every instruction in the email.

“Good, the last thing you want is to accidentally cut a partner with a sharp nail. Now the technique most people find effective is palm up, one or two fingers, gently work your way inside - it’s all about timing, take it slow and build to begin. Once your fingers are inside, curl your fingers up and you’ll feel the tissue is softer, almost spongy. Massaging pressure over that stimulated the g-spot, and if you are good at multitasking you can then add pressure from the outside too. Just place a hand low on her abdomen, slightly above the pelvic bone - don’t press too hard though as it will push on her bladder. First though, you’d probably want to start with warming her up with some cunilingus, eating pussy.”

Charles hopped off the bed and grabbed the journal, quickly jotting down the instructions with quiet eagerness.

“You can practice if you feel comfortable,” you invited when he put the pen and page down.

“Uh, yeah, please,” he stammered as he knelt on the bed and shuffled closer.

You reached into the bedside drawer and grabbed a bottle of lube. “I don’t need this,” you said and he smirked as he saw the other outward sign you had explained - arousal - it already lubricated your slit with the thought of what Charles was going to do to you. “But you should always keep a bottle at home. All women are different, some are drier than others no matter how aroused they get. Or, it’s handy for other areas of play like anal, or even a sensual massage.”

You put the bottle back and settled among the pillows. “Use me, explore, feel the different textures and I’ll guide you if you need it. Remember to look and listen to the signs of pleasure.”

Charles nodded and settled between your legs, getting up close and personal with your pussy. His indecision held him frozen as he wondered where to begin so you offered some guidance. “Finding the clit is a good starting point and then exploring around it to find the sensitive spots. Lick, suck, kiss, try it all.”

Encouraged, he laid a tentative kiss on your slit, his eyes rolled up to watch for your reactions. Seeing nothing, he took aim and tried again, his lip brushing over your clit and a soft sigh reached his ears. More confident, his tongue flicked out and caught your clit making you jolt.

“Was that good or bad?” he asked with a frown.

“Both, that spot is very sensitive - think of the slit at the tip of your cock. When it’s primed and ready that feels amazing but straight off the bat it is a little shocking to the system. You’re in the right area though, so keep exploring.”

This time he circled his tongue around and your moan was louder. You could practically feel his smile on your skin.

“That feels good,” you hummed as warmth spread through your body and he reached up on his own initiative, massaging your breasts. “Oh, you’re a natural now.”

Inspired, he explored further, his tongue lashing along your slit, dipping into your cunt. Your back arched off the bed with a gasp so he delved deeper, fucking you with his tongue as a familiar tightening grew in your core.

“Now would be the perfect time to try to find the g-spot,” you murmured as you fought the urge to succumb to the pleasure, but the lesson wasn’t over.

His rhythm faltered with a fresh wave of nervousness and he pulled back with shiny swollen lips to drag his fingertips through the mess he had made. The slick digits started gently, dipping inside your cunt a little deeper each time until it met the resistance of his palm.

“Feel around for the different textures and then curl your fingers a little.”

He did as instructed and his lips parted in surprise as he felt the spot. “Oh, wow, I’ve never noticed that…”

Your laugh made your pussy clench and he chuckled as your walls tightened around his fingers. “I like that feeling,” he commented with a flirty smirk.

“I thought you would,” you said with a wink. “I also do lessons on male stimulation if you’re ever interested.”

“Like…gay?” he asked quietly, a frown starting to form on his brows yet it wasn’t a look of distaste.

You were intimately aware that he still had two fingers curled in your cunt but it was good that he felt comfortable enough to hold a conversation at the same time. “It’s about learning the male anatomy, like what we did here. Whether that knowledge is used for self pleasure or with a partner, male or female, that is up to them.”

He contemplated the idea for a moment before he remembered what he was doing and began to work his wrist, curling his fingers in sync so they dragged over that delicious spot. He watched your sordid reaction with fascination before he grew bolder, his tongue finding your puffy clit.

“Oh fuck, yes,” you moaned loudly as your pussy tightened in anticipation. He had read your body perfectly and flicked the tip of his tongue over your clit but this time you were primed and ready. Your orgasm began with a tingle through your hair, leading to a fine tremor that danced down your spine, it raced down your legs and curled your toes. “Oh, Charles!”

He moaned against your clit as his wrist snapped forwards and back, the wet sounds of your body filling the room as his fingers fucked you through the explosion. Your cunt clenched and spasmed around the digits and stars spotted your vision. Your head fell back into the pillows with a cry and liquid gushed over his fingers with the release.

Disoriented and overstimulated, you reached between your legs and placed your hand over his. “Please, too much,” you whispered with a hoarse voice and rough aftershocks snapping at your thighs. “That was so fucking good, Charles. I, I just need a minute.”

You threw an arm over your head, your chest rising and falling rapidly as you waited for your heart rate to calm again. A small laugh bounced from your chest as you came down from the high and you finally had the strength to prop yourself back up on your elbows.

“That was perfect, Charles, you are a very quick learner.”

He was busy staring at his hand, your release coating his palm and running down his wrist. “So that’s what an orgasm feels like?” His brows pinched as he realised he had never felt that before.

“It’s what this one felt like. They can be different based on what areas are stimulated, the intensity, intimacy, lots of factors.” You could see he was still disappointed in himself for his previous ignorance and you sat up slowly, crossing your legs as you faced him. “Just because a woman doesn’t orgasm it doesn’t mean she didn’t enjoy the experience. Does a blow job feel good before you cum?”

He shrugged, still a little unconvinced. “Yeah.”

“See, forgive yourself and move on, now you know what to do for next time.” You carefully climbed off the bed on unsteady legs and offered your hand. “Last lesson of the night, aftercare.”

He stood up and froze, looking down at his pants. “Sorry, I kind of, uh, um…”

“Why are you sorry?” you laughed, drawing his attention away from the damp patch on his trousers. “You are meant to enjoy pleasuring your partner. Never apologise for that, Charles.”

[russellsppttemplates]

have u done the reader meeting charles' family for the first time🥹🫶🏻//

hey friend I think you got the prompt reversed. they requested reader meeting the leclerc family, not charles meeting the readers family.

Note: I absolutely did 🤦‍♀️ my bad! What's worse is that the piece I mentioned in the I also the right way around - I'm going with "it was late for me" 🤡 thank you for letting me know!

Charles parked the car in his spot in the garage, having just picked you up from your place since it was raining and he didn't want to you to catch an Uber or something like that.

"You don't need to worry, amour, my family won't think you're a 'snobby princess' because I went to pick you up", Charles shook his head, "my mother was the one who kicked me out of my own apartment to come and get you", he kissed your cheek, "ready?", he asked as he unlocked the door.

"Hi Y/N, I'm so happy you could join us for dinner", a blonde woman said, pulling you into a warm hug, "hi, thank you for having me with you", you smiled as you walked to the living room.

"I thought I told you I didn't want your feet on my coffee table", Charles swatted his brothers' feet from the piece of furniture, "That's no way to receive a guest, boys, c'mon", Pascale scolded.

"Hi, I'm Y/N", you smiled, waiting for them to get up and greet you how they wanted, going for a quick hug and a kiss on each cheek.

"I'm Arthur", the youngest one said, "glad we can finally meet you, we've heard so much about you that I feel like I know you", he smiled.

"I doubt I'm that interesting", you joked along as Charles squeezed your waist softly, "I'm sure you are, mon coeur".

"Charles actually made you sound like this unattainable example of perfection", the oldest Leclerc brother said, "I'm Lorenzo, who can believe you're all he said, but can't quite believe you chose him of all people", he winked.

"You should be kinder, Lorenzo!", a woman said as she stepped into the living room, "I'm Charlotte, Lorenzo's girlfriend, it's so nice to meet you, Y/N, I've been needing girl company whenever these three get together", she smirked.

"I'm happy to help with anything you need", you said as you set your things down in Charles' bedroom, "I just need to bring these to the table, it's no problem - but if you want to take the bread and the tapenade while you're here", Pascale smiled as she carried a bigger tray.

"Just so you know, my mother already loves you", Charles said once he caught you in the kitchen alone washing your hands before eating, "it hasn't been too long for me to ruin it that much", you joked.

Charles tapped your butt, "not like that, that's not what I meant and you know it! I mean she loves you since she noticed how happy you make me, and that goes beyond helping set the table or stuff like that", he kissed your lips, "you have a way with the Leclercs, they fall at your feet, amour".

(Thank you for sending this in ✨️)

[tastesoftamriel]

Hey Tal! I was preparing stuffed jacket potatoes for my family and it made me wonder;

"If each race was given a baked potato (any veriety), what would they stuff it with? (Let's pretend the bosmer is non pact compliant but still likes honoring their roots.)"

Since you'll find potatoes in every other barrel across Tamriel, you can bet that stuffed baked potatoes are probably the most universal dish we know of. Whether you love them or were fed too many of them as a child, there's a baked potato out there for everyone in Tamriel.

Altmer

You know what, the High Elves really have to be fancy about everything. Instead of gutting and filling your regular jumbo jacket potato like literally everybody else, they make large hasselback potatoes and painstakingly insert ingredients between the slots before baking. These laborious (but admittedly delectable) potatoes are usually offered filled with either four cheeses; mozzarella, tomatoes, and pesto; roasted vegetables with tapenade, or pancetta, gruyere, and sausage.

Argonians

Baked potatoes are great for playing a heated game of teeba-hatsei with, much to the rage of many an Argonian parent who had painstakingly made dinner. When they're not being slapped around for a laugh, Argonians eat their baked potatoes by making a well in the centre and crack a hot quail egg in, before topping it with deep fried mealworms or crickets and a bit of lime sambal. Scramble it up and you're good to go!

Bosmer

To every Green Pact-abiding Wood Elf I'm about to sadden with this, I apologise in advance for what I'm about to propose. But imagine a lovely jacket potato stuffed with a good slathering of smoked timber mammoth cheese atop battered thunderbug eggs, smoked bristleback bacon, jalapeño mayo, and sweetgnat butter. I don't need to imagine it; I made one with my friend Berrilyn, and it was glorious. Definitely on the heavy side, but loaded with every good ingredient Valenwood has to offer!

Bretons

Cheap, filling, and delicious. That's all a baked potato needs to be in High Rock, making it one of the Province's most popular foods among the common folk. Just about every sauce-based dish you can think of can go onto a jacket potato, from melted roquefort, goose egg, and dry cured ham to the classic combination of tomato beans and candied bacon rashers, and even reusing yesterday's Tarragon Chicken! There aren't really any limits on what you can fill a jacket potato with in High Rock, as long as you have a good knob of butter in there!

Dunmer

While potatoes are a perfectly standard and valid ingredient in Morrowind, I know you all want to hear about jacket ash yams. Popularised by Ashlanders, who bake their potatoes on lava, jacket ash yams can be found at every tavern and cornerclub across the Province. Minced nix-ox in a spicy comberry ragout; scrambled kwama eggs with caramelised scathecraw; and even Hackle-lo and Scuttle Curry are at home on a big, piping lava-hot ash yam. Don't forget to get some crunchy deep-fried kwama scrib to go on top- well worth the gold, I promise!

If you get the hankering for a taste of Morrowind, try my Raven Rock Baked Ash Yams.

Imperials

There are two rules surrounding baked potatoes in Cyrodiil: the potatoes must always be Jumbo Potatoes, and you must always use olive oil instead of butter. With that flavour profile in mind, think simple, complementary toppings like sundried tomatoes with goat cheese and fresh basil; cheese curds and red wine gravy; bresaola, chili oil, and gorgonzola, and browned pine nut butter with a good smear of ricotta and creamed battaglir.

Khajiit

Northern and Southern Elsweyr have a distinct difference in their baked potatoes: the North likes them rich and spicy, while the South prefers sweeter flavours that complement moon sugar. Northern Elsweyr is famous for its fiery curry-filled jacket potatoes, filled to the brim with rich, generally tomato-based curries featuring local ingredients like braised jerboa, pulled terror bird, and diced mutton. Meanwhile in Senchal, you'll find your average baked potato partially filled with things like chicken satay pieces in moon sugar peanut sauce, haloumi with moon sugar syrup, and sweet crispy shrimp and pork floss. But wait, 'partially filled?' Yep! In Southern Elsweyr, the insides of the potato are scooped out and rolled together with powdered moon sugar to make horrifically sweet potato 'candy' for dessert after you've finished your jacket potato. Who am I to judge?

Nords

Mammoth cheese? Horker bacon and smoked kippers? Pulled pheasant in brown ale gravy? All very valid and very traditional Skyrim options. However, I'm jumping up and down at the thought of a baked potato topped with freshly baked salmon or gravlaks with dill, lots of sour cream, and a bit of mustard! Simple, good, and I will shout at anyone who calls this combination bland. You can take the girl out of Riften, but never the Riften out of the girl.

Orcs

Where Wrothgarian Orsimer are concerned, there's a joke that every other meal is a baked potato (and that's sometimes the unfortunate case when a Hearth-Wife isn't very good at her job.) Gooey, mouthwatering echatere cheese raclette is the favoured topping in the region, melted atop of a bed of fillings like spicy wrathberry gravy with echatere or beef chunks; chopped mammoth bratwurst; grilled chub loon with frost mirriam barbecue sauce, and deep fried horker lard bits and sweet-and-spicy minced horker. Indulgent, and by Malacath, they're filling too.

Redguards

Where the Orcs have their echatere cheese on jacket potatoes, Hammerfell loves its goat cheese. Whether it's aged chèvre log slices or fresh and crumbly, you can bet it's going on a baked potato. It's paired with a range of moreish fillings, like harissa and apricot chicken; tender goat mince with a cumin-based curry; battered, fried snake with a tangy and sweet lemon drizzle, and shawarma meat with creamy garlic sauce and caramelised onions.

[najia-cooks]

Hey Najia! I love this blog so much! I have a question. I find cooking pretty difficult sometimes. I'm chronically ill and also the kitchen stresses me out a bit because I'm very scatterbrained and there's knives and fire and stuff. I also fuck things up in the kitchen pretty easy. Are there any recipes on here you find particularly easy to make? That you'd recommend for when you just cannot be arsed? Hope you're having a wonderful day, I know it's your birthday 😄🎉

Thank you!

I can understand your stress—cooking can involve things that are objectively dangerous and also time-sensitive. I'd recommend:

Try recipes where you don't have to come into direct contact with the blades you use. Some Indian dals, for example, cook lentils in a sauce made from blended onion, tomato, and garlic; you could process them using a food processor or blender. A lot of things (fresh salsa, guacamole, a duqqa of garlic, chilies, and spices that you can throw in to cook with some lentils) can be prepared in a mortar and pestle, too.

I've never used one, but a vegetable chopper might help in a similar way that a food processor would, by reducing the amount of knifework that you have to do. There are a lot of recipes where a chopped onion is the only knifework required.

Also try recipes that are cooked in the oven, and not on the stovetop. Something that gets thrown into the oven on low heat to cook (like a casserole or fukharat dish) takes longer, but is more hands-off, than something that's cooked on the stove.

Do all of your prep work first. Read through the recipe and see what chopping, blending &c. needs to be done, prep each ingredient, and put it in its own little bowl. This includes anything in the ingredients list that says "1 onion, diced" or similar: do that right off the bat. If the recipe says "meanwhile" or asks you to do prep for anything while anything else is cooking, you might choose to disregard that and do all the prep first, depending on how long the cook time is and how much attention it needs (e.g., soup on a low simmer for half an hour can pretty much be left alone; anything in a frying pan cannot). This way you won't be rushing to chop anything quickly while worrying that something else is going to overcook.

Look for vegetables, like broccoli / cauliflower / romanesco and green beans, that can be broken up with your hands rather than chopped. Rip up cilantro and parsley rather than chopping them.

Admittedly "simple" is not the guiding principle of this blog, but here are some recipes that I think could be easily adapted:

Fukharat l3des: just one onion to chop. Cooked on low heat in the oven.

Fried tofu sandwich: just mixing sauces and spices. You can skip coating the tofu in cornstarch and frying it. Instead try freezing the whole block, thawing it, cutting into two or four pieces, and then marinating it in a plastic bag with your sauce overnight. Then bake the tofu for 15-20 minutes, turning once, at 350 °F (180 °C).

Roasted celery and potato soup: requires only very rough chopping; the cooking methods are baking and simmering. The fried tempering could be skipped by just adding those ingredients into the simmer earlier.

Carrot salad or chickpea salad or tapenade: you could throw all of the ingredients in a food processor.

Moroccan lentils: just an onion and tomato to grate or process.

Kashmiri lal chaman: the only thing you need to cut is tofu; the gravy is just water and spices. You could bake the tofu instead of frying it.

Black bean burgers: no chopping or frying if you omit the onion and carrot and elect to bake the finished patties.

'Chicken' and olive tajine: the marinade is blended or pounded, and there is no other prepwork to do other than chopping one onion. Everything can be simmered on low heat until cooked, so it's pretty hands-off.

Chana pulao: mostly rice, chickpeas, and spices. Some aromatic prep, but you could crush instead of chopping those.

Romanesco quiche: no knifework at all if you omit the aromatics and break aprt the romanesco with your hands.

Spanish garlic mushrooms: just crush garlic instead of slicing and buy pre-sliced mushrooms. There is frying, though.

Eggplant cooked salad: the eggplant is broiled and then spooned out. No knifework required if you use tomato puree.

Butternut squash soup: just roasting and simmering. No knifework required if you omit the aromatics and buy pre-cubed squash.

Dishes with a base of lentils, chickpeas, beans, rice, and/or noodles are great because there's no knifework that needs to be done to prepare the beans &c. themselves.

[nsomniacsdream]

as someone who loves bread but has to avoid carbs for not dying reasons, I recommend everyone get a nice french loaf, and some olive oil and a tapenade or maybe a cheese spread, then eat the whole damn thing one slice at a time. Because I can't and I don't want the world supply to collapse since I have to abstain

[skywalking-through-life]

love all your percabeth asks it I love the way you think and write about them 🥹 what do you think are the kind of dates they'll go on?

Oh my friend! I think this ask got lost in my ask box! I'm so sorry I took so long to respond to it, because it is so adorable. 🥹

So, I am an absolute sucker for the idea that anything can be a date if you want it to be, and I feel like a lot of Percy and Annabeth's dates end up that way - even if they don't necessarily start there, lol. I can totally see Percy meticulously planning a super cute date to a historic brownstone in NYC that has like, specific architectural character or something, followed by lunch and/or dinner at some place that makes a really good tapenade...but of course, halfway through the tour of the place, the tour guide turns into a monster and they have to 1) kill it, 2) keep the mortals safe, and 3) not burn down this historic building, Percy! Because they are awesome badasses, they succeed - and still get the tapenade afterwards, though maybe with a side of ambrosia, lol.

Though I do have to believe that they also manage to have at least a few that are quieter! I would imagine these are more stay-at-home dates, things like: the two of them cooking/baking (and squabbling) together, pushing all the furniture out of the way for an impromptu wrestling match on the living room floor (best two of three, winner decides what happens for the rest of the evening 😉), Percy introducing Annabeth to all the movies she missed out on growing up at CHB in epic movie marathons, and even just like, very basic stuff, but very important stuff: making a plan to stay in bed all morning just talking, and reveling in the face that they are alive, happy, and together. 💙

I have SO many ideas for fun outings and quiet moments for the two of them (and I don't want to give all of them away, since I'm actively writing a lot of them, lol!), but I genuinely feel like they are the kind of couple who make every moment count, which just means endless date possibilities. 🥹

[thequiver]

Your three XP boys for knitting?

Oh boy!

Sam Guthrie | Cannonball

For whatever reason I’m drawn to a tank top for him? I was torn for a while between a tighter tank and a looser won but eventually the THEA Top by Susanne Müller won out. (Picture pulled from the ravelry pattern listing).

And it’s so hard for me to not associate Sam with golden colors so I’m going with the lovely Talisman (worsted) from Bad Sheep Yarn

Jono Starsmore | Chamber

Jono is SUCH a pullover guy but he’s more for simpler pullovers. Strong cables would be a bit much for him.

Which brings me to In Stillness 2 by Alicia Plummer, a pattern which has some GORGEOUS subtle texturing and a nice basic fit that can be easily adjusted to be tighter or looser to knitter preference. (Two pictures pulled from the ravelry pattern listing so you can get a better look at the texturing)

I think this pattern would look lovely in Bordeaux from Bad Sheep Yarn

Although braver souls than me might try a textured knit with a variegated yarn like, Olive Tapenade also from Bad Sheep Yarns

I’d have loved to knit this with a wool with Wool & Vinyl, but their website is down right now so I have nothing to show you. But, the owner of that shop has synesthesia and all of their hand dyed yarns are based on songs and musical artists and how she sees them and they’re FABULOUS.

Kevin MacTaggert | Proteus

Generally speaking, I do think Kevin is more of a crochet person due to the less structured nature of the craft, but this is a knitting ask game and I shall persist.

For whatever reason I gravitated towards a coat for Kevin, possibly due to his seemingly life-long quest for warmth and connection. Cables here were an absolute MUST and I simply ADORE the Deep Winter Coat from Wool & Pine (pictures pulled from ravelry listing)

For Kevin, I’d knit this with From the Fae (worsted) by Arcane Fiberworks

[dufrau]

I don't like egg salad sandwiches really but i got one for lunch today because periodically i like to see if i still don't like things that i think i don't like, and because i love eggs so much that it seems to me i should love egg salad.

This one had olive tapenade on it, which sounded interesting. I like olives. I respect it. The main problem is that "olive tapenade" on a menu a lot of times really just ends up meaning "we ruined these perfectly good olives by dumping dried oregano all up in them."

Now I am SURE that there is an egg salad sandwich out there somewhere that I will eventually love but I am equally sure that I will never love dried oregano. It is just an invasive ingredient for me, if its in there its all i'm tasting, and to me it tastes musty and distracting.

Still though, when I say I don't like a food its not the same as when a lot of people don't like foods because I'll still eat the damn thing if its not gonna kill me. So I ate this egg salad sandwich and to be honest I think it was objectively probably a very good egg salad sandwich. The eggs themselves were nice and it was seasoned well with crunchy sea salt and the bread was really good.

But I still didn't like it because I don't like egg salad sandwiches yet and I don't like dried oregano ever*. I might order it again though someday lol.

*i used to get takeout pozole from this burrito place and they would give you the little cup of garnishes all kind of dumped on top of each other so i would just throw the whole cup in there save the lime wedge for squeezing, onions and cilantro and oregano, and i didn't mind that oregano. i ordered that soup like once a week oregano or not.

[house-of-mirrors]

amanita sherry: what is your oc’s favorite neathy food and/or beverage?

Orsinio: I think he'd love making stuff with the weird vegetables at the tracklayers' city

Samuel: zzoup and zeefood

Lucretia: parabolan orange-apple tapenade

Miles: spore toffee

[c0rpseductor]

idk how people can dislike olives it’s crazy to me. I was looking up tapenade recipes bc i had tapenade at that cafe with eli a while back and it was awesome and this one started with like “i used to be such a timid picky eater and hate olives but now i like them, even in tapenade!” and it’s like. Huh? I’m the kind of autistic person who could only eat from a small collection of safe foods for the first 21 years of my life and wouldn’t try anything that wasn’t similar to my safe foods and i have loved olives since birth. What is your Fucking Damage

[fuckkbrunch]

Another sandwich. I love the easy dinners.

Clearly very French. Tony recommends using high quality tuna in olive oil, so I bought something a bit nicer than I usually would have. I didn't go nuts and try to hunt down very pricey canned fish. Sue me.

Just look at that beautifully boiled egg. He ain't wrong when he says that a 9 minute egg is the best level for "hard boiled". If you're at home doing 15 minute eggs for your egg salad (or any reason), stop it! 9 minutes and an ice bath immediately. Perfect every time. This has been a public service announcement.

Brioche with black olive tapenade spread, and a mixture of tuna, capers, anchovies, parsley, etc. A layer of thinly sliced eggs, finished with a layer of thinly sliced tomatoes. Whack on the top bun, and press between two sheet pans. Put something hefty on top, like a cast iron, or bricks. Not kidding, he suggests foil wrapped bricks. Then wait for at least 30 minutes.

I can see how this could be sold in classy French restaurants, but also it kind of looks hilarious? It's a heavy, dense little sandwich after all of that work though. I think the mixture was slightly too wet, the bottom buns were a little too oily for me. Next time I'd squish them less, and/or omit some of the oil from the recipe.

| Pan Bagnat |

Taste was a 2 out of 5. A salty, slightly more complex tuna salad.

Difficulty was a 1.5 out of 5. Takes a little advance planning, but it's very easy to execute.

Time was about 45 minutes, and that includes the 30 minute wait time. Boil your eggs the day before, or earlyish the day of.

Honestly, this just makes me want to squish other sandwiches. Tuna wouldn't have been my first choice. Maybe I'll make a squished club sandwich instead...

[door]

i have a lot of food-based anxiety so i don’t generally go in for meals that are an ~experience~ but tonight. tonight i experienced a meal that makes me understand the impulse to seek those out.

we went to a fancy place for my mom’s birthday, and historically my experience with fancy places my parents pick is not great so i had hopes that it would at least be short. it wasn’t, and i’m so glad.

first off, the vibes were great. it was a rustic little place, its fanciness belied by the fading pepsi-cola “RESTAURANT” sign on the exterior. there was a “temperance” section in the drinks menu—always a good sign in my book—from which i ordered a mocktail collins, which was great. salad was herbs with gruyère and mustard vinaigrette, main was celery root tagliatelle with tomato sauce and olive tapenade, and perfect little sticky toffee pudding for dessert. every flavor was perfectly balanced, every texture a delight. like i get why people love food now.

to top it off? our waitress was so beautiful. i am floating away in a haze of sated joy

[tastesoftamriel]

Dear Esteemed Talviel,

Some Imperial nobles will be comeing to my camp soon to see if they should support my -RIGHTFUL!- claim to the empire and i am looking to inpress them. In particular i am looking for food that would be interesting to the palets of these "refined" humans, while also showing my knowledge of food from the days of Al-Esh.

Many Thanks, Morihaus VII, RIGHTFUL Emporer pf Cyrodiil.

Dear...*squints at the politically subversive time-traveling letter, wondering how this keeps happening* esteemed Morihaus,

Admittedly, I had to delve deep into the library at the College of Winterhold to discover anything about First Era Nedic Cyrodiilic cuisine. Not much survives in the way of culinary records from the time of Alessia, but what we do know can be compared against the food of their Ayleid masters as a point of reference.

As slaves under the Ayleids, the races of Men were granted little in the way of luxury. As such, their newfound freedom meant that a whole new world was opened to them; food was no longer based on scraps and the dregs of what the Ayleids did not want, and liberation from slavery meant a dizzying expanse of culinary possibilities never before enjoyed by the Men of Cyrodiil.

Nedic food in particular may be of interest in the recreation of early Cyrodiilic cuisine. Some speculate that it is the precursor to Nordic and north Nibenay cuisine as we know it today, and I refer to traditional Cyrodiilic gastronomy in particular to recreate the cuisine of the Cyrodiilic Nedes of the First Era. However, Alessia's rebellion spanned the the Province, and I also take into account Nibenese and Blackwood culinary traditions in this speculation. Tying them together creates an interesting, harmonious constellation of flavours that, when considered, is the birth of the Imperial cuisine we know today.

Unlike the Ayleids, the Men at the time ate what was readily available to them, and developed a culinary tradition based on what they could either forage or hunt for themselves, or ate the food that the Ayleids did not want. Animal byproducts and much meat in particular was of little interest to the Ayleids, and thus became a staple part of the diets of their slaves. Milk, eggs, and meat were thus initially favoured, though liberation meant that Men were granted access to the gastronomic delights enjoyed by their former masters. However, for fairly obvious reasons, beef was not preferred due to its ties to Morihaus. They also began the cultivation of grain in earnest for the first time, thus expanding the variety of starches in their diet to include bread and noodles, as a change from the simple potatoes and root vegetables they were used to.

Over time, palates refined to take into consideration the full breadth of what food the Province had to offer. Whilst still being primarily meat- and grain-based, fish and vegetable dishes that were once reserved for the Ayleids expanded into the diets of Men in the region, who developed their own preferred flavour profiles, which were rich and full-bodied in comparison to the light flavours enjoyed by the Ayleids. Furthermore, archaeological excavations have uncovered bottles used for wine and Cyrodiilic brandy, indicating that the Imperial love for these beverages stretches well back through history.

From what we have gathered, I have thus created a small banquet menu that reflects post-Alessian Cyrodiilic cuisine of the First Era befitting nobles of the time.

Starters

Honeyed cave-aged hard cheese, with millet crackers

Smoked Rumare slaughterfish pâté, with vegetable crudités

Garlic breadsticks, with black olive tapenade

South Nibenay oyster omelette, with hot peppers

Mains

Whole roast pig, with fruit and nut stuffing

Nibenese mudcrab gratin, with whipped goat cheese

Rare venison steak, with garlic and Jerall Mountains juniper gravy

Fried duck Blackwood style, with a selection of spiced sauces

Dessert

Coffee cake, with Blackwood coffee liqueur and mascarpone

Brandy raisin trifle, with brandy custard

Nibenese honey and ricotta slice, with chopped nuts

Caramel buns, with butterscotch creme patissiere