#i love rejection cocaine

[pespillo]

beggar for forgiveness

[cherry-treelane]

everytime i feel bad and stressed about my life i remember that i might be in a troubling situation and having a bad time but im not season 4 fiona gallagher in the clink after leaving crack on the counter which my 3 year old baby brother happened to ingest resulting in a fatal near-death experience thats wracked me with never-ending guilt and forever altered my life

[starkeyisthelastname]

okay, in reality this is a very small moment between them, but it is different and gives everyone a little background on our favorite pornstar. they’ll get there I promise ⭐️

It had been like any other night the two of you had together. A few hours of nasty and brutal sex with him finishing by painting your insides white. It was hard to say why the two of you were falling for one another as the two of you had only been fucking and nothing else. Sure, both of you were very physically attracted to each other, but had yet to really learn anything else about one another besides each other’s sexual needs. He had been struggling within himself to try and get to know you more, not that he didn’t want to, but because he was scared of opening up to someone when everyone else in his life had burned him.

But as he watched you slide your shorts on, he blurted it out before he could take it back. “Do you, uh.. smoke?” He asked, scratching his head. He hadn’t had a normal conversation with a girl since maybe high school, and felt almost embarrassed that he didn’t even remember how to be flirty. He was so use to just bluntly asking a girl to fuck, and not caring about anything else, besides getting pussy, this was going to be hard for him.

You tried your best to hide the shocked look on your face as he asked the question, his normal response after the two of you fucked was usually ‘I’ll text you later.’ You couldn’t help but giggle softly, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah, but I’m not rolling.” You said, watching him let out a genuine laugh. Something that made you feel an overwhelming amount of butterflies.

Sitting on his couch and not fucking was something entirely different for the both of you. You had been wanting to get to know Rafe for a while now, but he seemed so closed off that you knew you’d get rejected. He had been defending you on social media, and making comments to you that you were his angel, and that your pussy was made for his dick, as well as the statement that stuck out to you, which was “What are you doing to me?”

“So, what made you get into the fucked up world of porn?” Rafe asked, blunt between his lips as he lit the end of it. It was a simple question, but something he had been wanting to know.

“Oh.. well. I started an Only Fans, kinda just for fun and to gain followers I started posting on Twitter. One of my videos went viral and I was contacted by an agent, asking if I’d ever considering to professional porn. Maybe it was a little desperate, but I love sex and never been camera shy.” You said with a shrug. It hadn’t exactly been your career goal, and you knew you wanted more one day, such as a husband and kids.

Rafe couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle as he blew out a thick cloud of smoke. Your reason was so much more simpler than his, and it made him fucking terrified to even begin to his story. As he handed the blunt that he had rolled to you, his stomach dropped when he heard you ask the same question he had just asked you. Oh great..

“I love to fuck, and knew I had a big dick.” He said, nonchalantly. It was an asshole of an answer, he knew it. He just couldn’t seem to tell you how it started and how it led up to him being the way he was now. He hadn’t opened up to anyone about his past, and that was one big reason he was so brutal, because of the pent up hurt and anger he had. What you didn’t know was his cocaine addiction had gotten so out of control that he had stolen a large amount of money from his father to get more to fuel his fiend. He had gotten into porn industry at first for some quick money, he knew he was attractive, loved pussy and was well hung. It was his first scene filming with a well known female actress that had been in the scene for a long time that kicked off his career. He had completely dominated her, and the addicting feeling he got from treating someone so brutally during sex, was an entirely new high. He had traded one addiction to another, and he got paid real well, especially the more popularity he gained. At one time he didn’t know anything else but living off his wealthy father and once didn’t know what it meant to own things for himself. Now he had everything he could ever want. His own place, a couple nice cars, and a job he really did love. Or so he thought he did, until he met you. He didn’t know you if he was being honest, but knew there was something there than he wanted more of. Maybe even… needed.

No matter how arrogant he was, or how attractive, or how good he fucked, he was still lonely at the end of the day. His family had disowned him, meaning he had lost one person in particular he was very close to and that was his youngest sister, Wheezie. His friends he once had, had gone off to do things better such as become doctors and lawyers. He had lost everyone, and making the step to become close to someone again was very hard for him. He wanted it though, and the more he saw you, the more he kept thinking about retiring his name in the porn world.

You had always been good at reading people and watching Rafe sit there and think, you knew there was more to the story. More than anything, did you want him. Even if you didn’t know him well, you felt a connection that couldn’t be ignored. Handing him back the blunt, you took a small sigh. “I don’t think that’s the entire reason.” You said softly, being honest with him for the first time. “But maybe you’ll tell me more one day.” You hoped he did, because as addicted as you were to the sex, you were begging to break his wall down.

Rafe wasn’t use to someone calling him out, and if it were anyone else he would have probably snapped, but with you it was little boost of confidence he needed to start being more open with you. “Maybe my angel, but in due time.” His tone softer than usual. He was Rafe Cameron though, and a knowing smirk ran across his face. “Keep lookin at me like that, and I’m gonna fuckin rail you again.” He said, and despite the grin you knew he was being serious. Him calling you ‘my angel’ definitely had your pussy fluttering.

He wasn’t perfect, but it was a baby step in the right direction of him finally making you his girl.

[unboundprompts]

Thank you so much for your blog! It's so neatly organized, it's lovely to read. It takes a lot of commitment to do detail every post and still constantly update, and I'm very grateful for you <3

I was wondering if you could write tips+prompts for a paranoid character?

Thank you again 😺

Thank you for the kind words!! That means a lot :)

How to Write a Paranoid Character

-> sources: mind.org , betterhealth.vic.gov

Paranoia is the irrational and persistent feeling that people are "out to get you."

Things that Make Paranoia More Likely:

Having confusing or unsettling experiences or feelings that you can't easily explain.

If you are anxious or worried a lot or have low self-esteem and expect others to criticize or reject you.

If you tend to come to conclusions quickly, believe things very strongly, and don't easily change your mind.

If you are isolated.

If you have experienced trauma in the past.

Things that may Contribute to Paranoid Thoughts:

Life experiences. You are more likely to experience paranoid thoughts when you are in vulnerable, isolated or stressful situations that could lead to you feeling negative about yourself.

Experiences in your childhood may lead you to believe that the world is unsafe or make you mistrustful and suspicious of others. These experiences may also affect your self-esteem and the way you think as an adult.

If you experience anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem, you may be more likely to experience paranoid thoughts.

Paranoia is sometimes a symptom of certain physical illnesses such as Huntington's disease, Parkinson's disease, strokes, Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia. Hearing loss can also trigger paranoid thoughts in some people.

Lack of sleep can trigger feelings of insecurity and even unsettling feelings and hallucinations. Fears and worries may develop late at night.

Recreational drugs may trigger paranoia, such as cocaine, cannabis, alcohol, ecstasy, LSD, and amphetamines. This may happen particularly if you're already feeling low, anxious or experiencing other mental health problems.

Research has suggested that genes may affect whether you are more likely to develop paranoia.

Symptoms of Paranoia:

being easily offended

finding it difficult to trust others

not coping with any type of criticism

assigning harmful meanings to other people's remarks

being always on the defensive

being hostile, aggressive, and argumentative

not being able to compromise

finding it difficult (or impossible) to "forgive and forget"

assuming that people are talking ill of them behind their back

being overly suspicious

not being able to confide in anyone

finding relationships difficult

considering the world to be a place of constant threat

feeling persecuted by the world at large

believing in unfounded conspiracy theories

Writing Prompts for a Paranoid Person

-> feel free to edit and adjust pronouns as you see fit.

Everyone was against him. No one liked to see him succeed and so they were doing everything in their power to stop him.

People were talking about her behind her back. They would whisper as she walked by, and their laughter would echo in her ears as she got further from them.

"You never believe me!" They wailed, pointing an accusing finger at their friend. "You wouldn't get it! You don't know what it's like to be hated by everyone!"

He laid in bed, staring at the ceiling and wide awake. It was a nightly routine, at this point. He could never bring himself to close his eyes. There were too many things going on his head, too many things that only made him dread when morning came.

Everything was about to go so wrong so fast, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. The impending doom beat down on her shoulders, reminding her that she was not okay. She was not safe.

They couldn't stop fidgeting with their hands. It used to offer some form of comfort, but not anymore. How could it when the whole world is against you?

They were looking at him. They were watching his every move. He was being tracked. Studied. Something was going to happen. Something bad. Something he wasn't prepared for. What could he do to be prepared?

"You think I'm crazy, but I'm not! You'll see."

If you like what I do and want to support me, please consider buying me a coffee! I also offer editing services and other writing advice on my Ko-fi! Become a member to receive exclusive content, early access, and prioritized writing prompt requests.

[lvrcpid]

pyramids. - F.S

based on : pyramids by frank ocean.

pairing : farleigh start x nb!reader

warnings : drug usage. swearing. slight ooc farleigh. sexual references. kinda short but i’ll be making a part 2.

notes : oh i am SO BACK. 😛 also i love this movie sm.

you always knew you’d end up in college. just at least not at oxford. you always read about the school over the years and it seemed too prim and proper for your liking. a true bore of you will. so when you found yourself in the middle of the campus, hearing the commotion of the students around you, you thought to yourself. “what the fuck did i get myself into?”

your parents were well off, upper middle class even. so when you received a letter inviting you to attend oxford, your family forced you to apply and attend the university. you finally said your goodbyes and finally unpacked. the room had a slight chill and was a bit dreary, even further confirming your suspicions. this school was like purgatory.

the days turned weeks at oxford truly changed your perspective of the entire school. the party life was insane, that’s where you were right now. a party. the music blasted in your ears as the room reeked with the smell of alcohol, cigarettes and weed from here and there. you weren’t exactly sober yourself, having a few drinks you were given by an acquaintance you made over the few weeks.

you held the beer in your hand, walking and slightly pushing people in your way. “excuse me” you mumbled less than pleased at the sight of people completely ignoring your presence. you made one final shove before someone, a boy, swung his head around, cigarette in mouth and said. “are you fucking kidding me?” you weren’t looking where you were going, more so not even paying attention to your drink. when you looked up, the stranger in front of you had beer dripping from his back. “oh shit- man i’m sorry” you said slightly embarrassed, trying to use your jacket to pat the area dry.

“stop just- stop.” you picked up on the fact the stranger was american. it wasn’t foreign to see americans at oxford, you’ve just never actually heard their accents before. “i really am sorry. i wasn’t looking where i was going.” you said, still apologetic and remorseful, still a bit because of the alcohol in your system. “oh whatever it’ll dry- hey i’ve seen you around. you’re that super quiet kid in my literature class. i’m farleigh.” he said, raising his eyebrows in a cocky way and taking a cigarette from his pack. he leaned the pack towards you, offering you one, to which you reject. you want to at least try to live to see 50.

“suit yourself.” he says, looking down at your beer. “i could kill you for messing up my shirt..but i’ll let it slide this time. so, what’s your name mystery person?” he looks down at you. the boy was freakishly tall and now that you’re getting a good look at him. you do recognize his face from your literary class. “y/n.” you said, finishing off your beer. farleigh gave you a look that rocked your world, grabbing your hand and pulling you into the depths of the night.

from that moment, you and farleigh hit it off. he was a party animal, a wild child and it made your heart race. every moment with farleigh was an adventure. you soon realized farleigh was into hard drugs. what drugs you may ask? cocaine. but that just made the ride even wilder. although the friendship was platonic, you and farleigh always found yourselves entangled in dances only lovers would dream of. sneaking away from class to make out on his bed or even sneaking touches and glances, enough to make the strongest weak in the knees. farleigh was a passionate person, it made your body jelly and your blood run ice cold, but only in secret. to him, you were his secret sin.

one night , weeks after you and farleigh came together. he decides to open up to you. about his mother, his struggles and even his home, saltburn. you were curious about this place. so curious to the point farleigh had to silence you with a kiss. it was late at night and the campus was silent, only the sounds of the wind and trees in the background. “how about this..if you want to…only if you want.-“ he said, on the spur, in the heat of the moment;

“how about you visit saltburn for the summer?”

part 2 - monster.

[sarahreesbrennan]

Now that Interview with the Vampire ep 5 has aired I was stunned and delighted as expected. One thing I haven’t seen discussed before is that Armand saves Daniel from Louis the first time. But why? Louis was going to kill him. They say it’s because Louis was partial to him, but a) Armand brainwashed Louis to think that and b) Armand certainly knew Louis was more than fond of Claudia, and, well…

Still we know from what Armand says and also the general fact Armand is a creeper (said with love) that he was listening to a lot of that interview, and we know how the interview went.

Young Daniel: you have a coffin!

Louis: I’m a vampire. I know this must be scary…

Young Daniel: Didn’t ask just assumed we’d bang in the coffin! Show me your fangs pretty boy! I’ll be Team Claudia for 50 years and team cocaine for at least another decade. Your loved ones are dead right? You should turn me into a vampire! I’ll be your vampire dad and your daughter!

Louis: …

Louis: … wow this got weird and upsetting.

Armand, creeping outside the door, running in and bowling over a corpse and a hatstand: Daniel! Daniel! I’m a freak! I was rejected for being strange and unsettling by LESTAT DE LIONCOURT! Coach put me IN!

Surely certified freak Daniel Molloy, who went on to argue he loved life three times with Armand when we’ve seen men freeze on a single ‘Rest,’ was saved as rainy day boyfriend material.

[kevindavidday]

its sooo funny to me how andrew is like y/n about kevin's existence like kev's out there being the most popular boy in the world like crack cocaine for exy players turning heads left and right swoons and sighs and andrew's like 'i'm gonna pretend like i don't know who he is and piss him off and test his limits' and kevin very stereotypically got rejected by andrew once and immediately fell in love cuz he wants this one even though he can have them all

[rodolfoparras]

Thanks to your post I swiped right on some men almost double my age. Jesus your right and so real.

Sugar bee this is genuinely the best thing someone has said to me today and I am so happy I can spread the old man agenda. I know that I do talk in a very light hearted way about my love for old men but i am being so serious like you can have it all hear me out

1. The inexperienced one everything is new to him sweet thing moaning with just your fingers brushing his rim or getting worked up from just a kiss, you introduce one little thing to him and he’ll get addicted to you like crack cocaine one day you’re showing him how to properly prep himself the next day he’s welcoming you home from work, down on all four, hole already stretched and eagerly waiting for your cock and he’s old enough to know what he wants, won’t run away when things get too much, will happily sit down and talk about future plans with you

2. The experienced one, the one you want to prove yourself to, lots of people are hesitant to go for this man because they may feel a bit insecure that he has plenty of experience, but that should only motivate you, you should feel like a rabid dog being let out on a loose field getting ready to prove yourself to him, do you know what an honor it is as a young top to get to fuck an older bottom, him purposely tiring you out because it won’t be that easy to get him to cum, you’ll have to work all your tricks to work up a sweat on him, or letting him take over when you’re losing yourself in pleasure , “s alright love,” he murmurs into your ear and holds you tight “let me have a go hm?” He says before he flips the two of you over and rides your cock, sweet thing knowing just what words to use to rile you up because hey he’s had plenty of tops as his subs “come on love don’t you want to make daddy cum?”

3. The one who feels bad for wanting to fuck someone much younger, a man who doesn’t have a wife or kid the only thing he has is an “older uncle” title the one who never got married basically , grays on his hairy chest and arms crow feet lining his eyes, who has a very stable work and life, maybe a little house somewhere secluded some niche interests and tattoos on him that are older than you are, maybe you work at a bar he frequently visits and you always flirt with him one second he plays along the next second he rejects your advances it’s a hot and cold game that leaves your cock aching and both of you love it, but when he goes home he lays in bed and fucks his fist thinking about that pretty young face who’s so eager for him, would you even know what to do? Would he have to show you? Would you bend him in ways that he hasn’t been bent in years ?

[aleximustpl4y]

My Chemical Romance – I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love: album review

Year: 2002

Label: Eyeball Records

Genre: Post-hardcore, emo, punk-rock, pop-punk

Members: Gerard Way (vocals), Ray Toro (guitar), Mikey Way (bass guitar), Matt Pelissier (drums), Frank Iero (additional guitars)

Producer: Geoff Rickly

Listen to it here: [x]

Join me in this beautiful journey of cathartic destruction where two lovers are doomed to meet and die in every lifetime.

You must keep your soul...

History

I don't think American rock band My Chemical Romance need any introduction, but for the sake of the review, I have to start from the beginning.

Hailing from New Jersey, the band was founded by Gerard Way in September 2001 after he witnessed the Twin Towers attack on his way to work. They are considered one of the most influential rock groups of the 2000s and a major act in the pop-punk and emo genres, despite the band rejecting the latter label. The name of the band was suggested by Mikey, Gerard's younger brother, who was working in a Barnes & Noble when he was struck by the title of a book by Irvine Welsh named Ecstasy: Three Tales of Chemical Romance.

I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love (Bullets for short) is their debut album, produced by Thursday vocalist Geoff Rickly. Despite being sold under the alternative rock genres, it is considered an emo album with strong influences from punk rock, hardcore punk and heavy metal.

The graphic impact

The album cover, as well as the disc, features Harry Houdini hanging upside down in a straitjacket. Gerard Way has stated that it is not a digital image, but was in fact made with some watercolor, some borax, some plastic wrap, and a color photocopier in the Eyeball Records offices.

Why put Houdini on the cover? All references to Houdini in the following albums aside, it's clear that Gerard admired the magician and saw in one of his most famous tricks – escaping from a straitjacket while dangling from a crane – a possible analogy for life: you can spend a whole lot of time in your life ‘escaping’ death, but it will still come eventually.

Autumn color palette, play of light and handmade special effects: aesthetically speaking, the album cover is very interesting to look at.

The tunes

Bullets starts off with Romance, an acoustic cover of an instrumental piece known as “Romance Anónimo,” “Romance d'Amour,” or “Spanish Romance,” composed by an unknown nineteenth-century musician. The sweet and melancholic melody lulls you into a (false) sense of security.

Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough for the Two of Us kicks off with a tits-blowing metal-core guitar riff, hitting you hard and fast, setting the real tone for the entire album. A very young Gerard yells the frustrated lyrics about a toxic relationship which, given the title's theme of the mirror, may be with an ex as well as drugs and/or alcohol. The chorus is an anthem for those who are sick and tired of their partner's (or the personification of drug abuse) manipulation tactics, and the way Gerard screams his lungs out makes it cathartic for those who haven't any words left in them anymore.

“This song is about sucking dick for cocaine.” – Gerard Way introducing the song in concert

Vampires Will Never Hurt You catapults you into another dimension, a darker, more eerie one, brought mostly by the intriguing bass line and the backwards whispering in the intro. The lyrics are the last rational, yet desperate, words of a man who's about to transform into a vampire against his will, and begs his lover to “put a spike in [his] heart” as soon as the sun goes down and to go hide before they'll get her too.

Drowning Lessons starts off with a bittersweet riff, introducing us to probably the saddest story told in the album. Drowning Lessons talks about a man who killed his spouse. My personal interpretation (I don't know if someone else had this idea before me) is that he killed himself shortly after and this is his otherworldly punishment: reliving this day over and over for eternity, perpetuating the cycle of insanity and guilt. The ending leaves you with a feeling of waiting and suspension, the fade-out suggests that the narrator is stuck in this loop and it will be like this forever.

In the fast paced Our Lady of Sorrows Gerard encourages his interlocutor to strip away their insecurities and live freely, to trust and believe in him so that they may be saved. The song is painted with religious imagery (hence the title), and implies that the narrator and the person he's speaking with are constantly at each other's throats: letting go of their doubts is the only way to end this before they murder each other. Gerard is angry, almost arrogant, but it's an arrogance driven by desperation since he doesn't want to lose his friend/lover over their insecurities, inviting and insisting that they “take [his] fucking hand and never be afraid again”.

Musically speaking, Headfirst for Halos is a sucker punch in the teeth, and yes, that is a compliment. The guitar is very Iron Maiden-esque, especially in the intro, and on a technical level, this song proves that these guys know what they're doing. The lyrics' grim undertones go in complete contrast with the upbeat tone of the music, turning it into a suicidal anthem. Despite the fact that it discusses how the narrator is stuffing himself with psychotropic drugs that make him numb to any kind of feeling, as well as his struggle against the idea of killing himself in this spiral of madness, Headfirst for Halos could be considered a powerful message of hope. This song, in my opinion, is not only about someone who succumbs to a psychotic episode, but it's also a way for the lyricist to remind us not to give up, not to do what the song proposes. Its end, where the protagonist probably commits suicide while repeating himself to “think happy thoughts”, is cathartic and destructive, truly beautiful in its tragedy.

"This song is about suicide - don't do it." – Gerard Way

I don't think I'll ever be ready to talk about Skylines and Turnstiles, but I'll try to give it justice. The track, the first one that was recorded while making the album, is a moving tribute to the victims of 9/11. It describes both the last moments of those people's lives and the experience, the feelings that Gerard had while witnessing it. The previous track's message of hope is reinforced in Skylines: when Gerard witnessed the tragedy, he knew he had to do something in hope to help people go through their grief and sadness and make the world a brighter place, giving them a reason to keep fighting. The song starts with “You're not in this alone”: Gerard is offering friendship for those who were hurt or scarred from 9/11, and it could also work in a broader sense, where he reaches his hand out to those who are feeling like this life isn't worth living anymore.

Inspired by Dawn of the Dead, Early Sunsets over Monroeville begins with a sweet and romantic melody, painting a dream-like picture of two lovers living a perfect life, “just like upon the screen”. The song, after that, takes a left turn that gives me shivers to this day just like the first time I heard it. The lyrics are a desperate call for help from the man who has to kill his lover, because she has been bitten by a zombie and is turning into one. He doesn't have the heart to shoot her, but on the other hand, it would be a mercy killing. The whole theme of the zombies could also be a metaphor for the couple's relationship that has gone awry, so the narrator has to “shoot” and hurt her by telling her that there's no love anymore between them. Gerard's voice, in the early stages of the song, is filled with nostalgia and melancholy, making the second part even more striking and emotional to listen to. His cries become more and more insistent, in a crescendo of desperation, and the fact that he repeats the same lines over and over only accentuates the interior dilemma he's having, while the melody becomes more and more fast-paced as well. The last line hangs in the air, which, again, marks the horror of the whole situation, leaving you in a state of suspended turmoil.

This is the Best Day Ever tells a story of a couple who meet in the emergency room, likely after they both attempted suicide, and they plan to escape the hospital together. It doesn't matter to them if they'll die after: they'll be free either way by doing it. What stands out the most is the upbeat and fast-paced melody, which accentuates the anticipation of the protagonists and their hope to get out of the situation they're in.

Cubicles tells a story of a shy and lonely office worker who falls in love with a woman who works two cubicles away from him but doesn't even realize he exists. He spends the time writing her love notes, but never gains the courage to give her the letters, let alone talk to her, until she quits her job and he misses his chance. From that point, he spirals into madness and is terrified he'll die alone, as portrayed by the repetition of the verse “sometimes I think I'll die alone”, which changes into just “I think I'd love to die alone” at the very end, coming to terms with his suicidal thoughts.

I think there's no better way to end this album, other than with Demolition Lovers. The song starts with a slow, sweet yet dark melody, while Gerard begins singing the beautiful, tragic story about a Bonnie and Clyde-esque couple, who run in the desert and eventually get shot by the people they were escaping from. As the music grows more intense, the man tells us how he isn't afraid to die for his lover and he is willing to prove how much she means to him despite their relationship being flawed. They die in a pool of blood, when they kiss for the last time. Demolition Lovers is masterfully made, with one of the most beautiful solos I've ever heard and with lyrics that are an arrow to the heart, not only for the passion they're sang with, but also for the meaning they carry. The ending is simply breathtaking.

Conclusion

Words can't even describe how much this album means to me. The themes, the arrangements, the messages of hope derived from destruction and tragedy, the whole meaning of the band itself... it's just beautiful. The genre is not cohesive but since it's their first artistic effort, it makes sense that they had yet to find their own style: after all, creation is just experimentation. But despite Bullets not being coherent in style, the atmosphere remains consistent thanks to the lyrics that have all the same feeling of catharsis in romantic destruction. I just wish that some songs were mixed better (but if anything that adds to their charm) and that it would last longer. Also it's worth mentioning how all the songs are connected without being connected at all (just how they are connected to their next album, which we'll check out next time), which makes me love the mind behind them even more, if possible.

Final, very personal and unprofessional score: ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

...like a secret in your throat.

[jenna0rtega27]

Would you be comfortable with doing one where either she has seizures or epilepsy maybe like a hurt/comfort one? I was recently diagnosed and she's my idol and maybe it'll help me not feel like shit about it?

I'll always be here for you

Thank you for asking Jenna Ortega x F!Reader Summary: Request Warning: Epileptic seizure, cocaine Note: I don't know much about this disease. But I inquired about making this request. So I'm sorry if the information may be wrong but I will do my best to put the correct information (For everyone who has epilepsy, I can't understand exactly what you're going through, but I can try to put myself in your shoes and I support you 100%. And for everyone who has other illnesses too. So if you ever want to talk to someone, I'm here. My voicemail will always be open and if you just want to chat, then I'll listen to you. I wish you all good luck and you are stronger than this disease) Number of words : 1112

Masterlist

You and Jenna have been together for 3 months. Maddie Ziegler, one of your good friends, invited you to the restaurant with Jenna since they are friends too and your story is starting to come to light. You and Jenna had sex that evening. Jenna asks you to be her girlfriend 1 week later. Maddie still doesn't know the bathroom trick.

Right now, you and your girlfriend are sitting on the lounge chairs near your pool. Luckily for you, the sun wasn't too bright.

You close your eyes as you feel the cool air touch your skin which makes you shiver slightly but you love it. You intertwine your fingers with those of Jenna who is sitting right next to you on the same deck chair, the brunette's legs on yours. You and Jenna always loved these moments of relaxation. Especially since Jenna filmed Wednesday. She is in demand everywhere.

While I hear the birds singing, I hear a lighter light up. I open my eyes and fear invades me. I see Jenna light a joint and hold it in her mouth.

What Jenna doesn't know is that you have epilepsy. Cocaine is a trigger that for you has always caused you to trigger an attack. Jenna doesn't know you're sick because you never wanted to be a burden to her. With her work constantly stressing her out, you didn't want to add to it so you kept the subject to yourself.

Also, you don't know how Jenna might react to knowing you're sick. You had always feared that she would reject you. Let her find someone who isn't broken like you.

Fortunately for you, since you became a couple with Jenna, you had had 2 epileptic seizures. And these two crises were while the actress was elsewhere.

After lighting her joint, Jenna takes a puff and blows it. Your anxiety increases. You don't want to throw a fit in front of Jenna. But cocaine is one of the triggers that triggers you the most and you were really scared.

Jenna looks at you and smiles. You smile back so as not to show him that you are feeling bad.

" You want to try? » Jenna asks me, handing me the joint between her index and middle fingers.

“S-sure.” » You say unsure.

“You don’t have to, baby. I do not want to force you. » Jenna says to you, pulling the joint away from you. But with a quick swipe, you take the joint.

“No, I’ll take a whiff.” » You say. “Once can’t hurt.” » You say to yourself in your head.

You take a puff, hold it and blow it. You wait a few seconds, and nothing happens. You smile and take another drag of the joint. You give it back to Jenna always with the smile that Jenna returns. You kiss Jenna on the lips. You both smile into the kiss.

But suddenly, during the kiss, a feeling that you know too well envies your body. An epileptic seizure comes to you but it seems much stronger than the others.

You are trembling, with your eyes only going to the back of your head. You're shaking all over.

Jenna starts to panic. She's never seen you act like this.

“Y/n?!” » Jenna said almost screaming and throwing her joint somewhere on the pool floor.

“Fuck! It's an epileptic seizure! » Said Jenna. Fear invades him. The brunette quickly but gently lays you down on the lounge chair and places her on her side to help her breathe.

“Come on baby breathe. » Jenna says as tears fall down her cheeks. She rubs circles on your back to try to help you.

After almost 10 minutes of seizures, you calm down. Jenna turns you onto your back and cups your face in her hands.

“Baby are you okay?” Why did you do that? » Jenna asks with her eyes still watering and caressing your cheeks with her thumbs.

You don't know what to answer at the moment. You feel confused at the moment and disoriented. Jenna tucks your face into her chest and places a hand on the back of your head and massages your copper hair. You just close your eyes and feel safe in his arms.

After a few minutes, your senses come back and you start to cry.

“Shhhh it’s okay my love I’m here. » Jenna said, kissing the top of your head.

You take a deep breath. You know that you no longer have the choice to tell him your problem.

“Jenna, I have to tell you something. » You say, removing your head from her chest to look at her. She raises her head and waits for you to continue.

You take another breath to gain courage. Jenna takes your hands and caresses your knuckles with her thumbs.

“So first of all, I would understand if you wanted to leave me after telling you what I want to tell you. » Jenna was going to say something but you stop her. “I have had epileptic seizures since I was young. Before it was much worse. But today was the worst crisis in 1 year. It was cocaine that triggered the crisis. »

Jenna looks at you and you could swear you see pain in her eyes. And you curse yourself for being the cause.

“Why didn’t you tell me before baby? And why wouldn't I want to be with you anymore? On the contrary, I want to be with you, to be there for you. » Jenna says and tears fall down your cheeks.

“Because I didn’t want to be a burden.” In addition to your career which is stressful. I just didn't want to be another stressor for you. » You say, looking down in shame.

“Baby look at me. » Said the brunette, taking your cheeks in her hands and caressing your cheekbones. “You will always be more important than my career Y/n. It will always be you first. My career is important yes, but you are even more important. » Jenna said, resting her forehead on yours.

“I love you so much Y/n. With or without epilepsy. » Jenna said and you don't know how you were so lucky to have Jenna in your life.

“I love you too Jenna. » You say, smiling. Jenna smiles at the same time and kisses you on the lips. The kiss is soft and slow. He is just perfect.

It's going to be a tough few days, but you know you're not alone anymore. And it's the best gift.

(Again, sorry if it’s not good. I hope you at least like it.)

[gaysindistress]

Dial Drunk - part 2 of Fine Line

Pairing: Mafia!Steve Rogers x reader

Warnings: angst and the feels oh and Peggy Carter slander

Word count: 2.1k words

Master list

Fine line 1 & Cocaine Jesus 3

Tag list: @vickie5446 @cakesandtom​

a/n: I love a good song fic. Dial Drunk by Noah Kahan sponsors this fic so I highly suggest you listen to it.

disclaimer: credits to original creator/poster of image/gif. found on Google/Pinterest

“Son, is there someone I can call for you?” the Sheriff asks while half dragging and carrying a drunk Steve into the station. Under the dead weight of the mafia boss, the elderly Sheriff struggles to get them inside as the rain pelts them so hard, he’s expecting there to be bruises on both of them.

Steve mumbles something as his head lolls to the side but the other man cannot make out a single word or number for that matter. At the door, he waves to his deputies to him with the door and he all but drops Steve onto his younger deputies.

“Son, I don’t know your name. Where is your wallet or your phone?”

Steve shoves his hand into his coat pocket which sends all of them into high alert but it’s all false as he dumps the asked for items onto a desk. The Sheriff gets to work to figure out his name and find an emergency contact or anything at all that might be helpful.

“Alright, Mr. Rogers,” he announces as he types away at a computer, no doubt pulling up Steve’s criminal record as well as his contacts, “Should I call a Mrs. Margaret Carter Rogers? Is that still current?”

Steve scoffs at the name as he falls into a seat next to the Sheriff, “My own wife hates me.”

A deputy gives the Sheriff a look but he ignores it and calls the number nonetheless. Steve slumps back into the hard chair and drops his head back in attempts of sleeping off the horrendous hangover he’s going to have. The phone rings and rings, leaving him with just the dial tone as Peggy ignores the call. They try again but nothing happens. She ignores the call. They try a third time and finally she answers.

“Hello?” her accented voice wakes Steve.

“Hi is this Mrs. Margaret Carter Rogers?”

She snorts, “Not anymore. If this is about Steve, call someone else. I don’t care”

The dial tone replaces her voice and all of the officers look at each other in disbelief.

“Did… Did she just hang up?” the same deputy asks.

The sheriff clears his throat and brushes over his thick gray mustache as he thinks about what to do next.

“I told you she hates me,” Steve pipes up, “Wasted your time.”

“Is there anyone else we can call?”

He shrugs, “She won’t answer either.”

Behind them two deputies are whispering to each other about how wrong it was of Peggy to hang up but quickly stop when the Sheriff gives them a pointed look.

“Maybe SHE will answer. What’s her name and number?” He extends the phone out to Steve who drops it and has to slowly reach down to pick it up. It takes him longer than usual to open it and find the number of the woman whose house he practically ran from. After he left Y/N’s house, he found the nearest bar and drank the place out of anything that would numb the rejection pain. For ten years, he dreamed of nothing but seeing his girl again and when he finally did, his past decisions ruined any chance of a relationship with her again. For ten years, he resented Peggy, his father, his mother even and himself for not fighting harder for Y/N. For ten years, he regretted everything he had done and prayed that somehow he could go back in time to just be with her.

“Y/N hates me too.”

Still the sheriff dials the number and hopes that this mystery woman will answer the phone. It rings five times and they’re all beginning to think that this will be a repeat of the first call but she does answer.

Her voice is raw from crying but she answers, “Hello?”

“Hi ma'am, is this Y/n?”

“Yes, how can I help you?”

“Well ma’am, this is the Kings County sheriff department. I’m Sheriff Anderson. I have Steve Rogers here and he’s going to be held overnight in the drunk tank or you can come pick him up.”

“Shit, okay. Um…” there’s a long pause but they can hear her shuffling around, “I can be there in 45 minutes, is that okay?”

“Yes of course ma’am. We appreciate you answering the phone so late and coming right away.”

“Uh… yeah no problem I guess,” she mumbles something else but Steve doesn’t catch it.

Anderson motions to his deputies and has them take Steve to a cell while he waits. He’s half asleep and even heavier than before as they haul him into his own cell. Next to him is another lonely drunk stranger who was ignored and left to figure their shit out alone. Regardless he can’t be bothered to care and he shucks off his overcoat to use it as a pillow. Crossing his arms over his chest and his legs over each other, he settles into a short nap while he waits for Y/N. A part of him isn’t even sure that she is actually coming and he’s starting to convince himself that she never answered the door in the first place. She’s not coming to take him home…there's no home where they live together. There is no place where they love and support each other because he destroyed that when he married Peggy. Tears begin to grow heavy on his eyes but he won’t allow himself to cry over the past no matter how recent it might be.

He pulls his arms tighter across himself and rolls over so that his back faces outwards. With his face hidden, the tears start to fall against his will and he does nothing to stop them even though just moments ago he vowed that the past wouldn’t bother him. He doesn’t try to wipe them and lets the pain metastasize in his body, growing a tumor of emotions that can’t be cured by anything.

Time slips away from him as the memories and hurt wash over him. Anderson clears his throat to get Steve’s attention and starts to unlock the cell’s door.

“We took his keys so you can drive it home if you didn’t bring your own car,” Anderson says to Y/N.

She smiles and nods, taking the keys from him and clutching them as she stares at the sad excuse of a man laying on the bed. Steve wipes at his eyes and groans as he slides off of the hard jail bed. Shaking out his pillow coat, he puts it on before making eye contact with her. She sighes at him and thanks Anderson for all that he’s done even though it’s not procedure. When Steve stands, he sways and she’s quick to catch him, waving off Anderson who offers to take him. They don’t say anything to each other as she acts as his crutch and walk towards his car. She fumbles with the keys and drops them.

“Lean on the car,” she tells him as she bends down to pick them up, “Do you need my help getting in?”

He furrows his brow like a toddler, “No I can do it myself.”

Shaking her head at him, she unlocks the car and lets him struggle to fold his large body into the passenger side. She slides into the driver’s side and takes a deep breath. Never again did she think that she would dealing with Steve let alone driving his car as he’s almost black out drunk in the passagner seat.

He mumbles something along the lines of “It’s a remote start.”

Y/N hums her understanding and finds the button. It blinks to life and heavy metal music greets them at an unbearable volume. He whimpers at the noise and slams his hand onto the power button to turn it off as quick as he can. Satisfied that the offending noise has stopped, he curls into himself against the window and rests his head on the cool glass.

“Did you put your seat belt on?”

He answers by puling the belt over himself and clicking it into place.

She backs out of the spot and leaves the Sheriff’s station behind. Silence fills the space around them as the street lights and porch lights pass through the window. The lights splash across her face and unbeknownst to her, Steve is stealing glances at her through the window’s reflection. What little he can see of her breaks his heart even more as he can see the fatigue and hurt tense in her features. Her hair, usually styled and pristine, has been hastily clipped up with a claw clip that’s holding on for dear life. Under the long winter coat she’s wearing is just a pair of pj pants and a white crop top. She’s not even really wearing shoes but instead a pair of worn down clogs that should only be worn inside. Seeing how vulnerable she is, he can’t help himself grow protective and upset that she left in such a hurry.

“I hope you drove,” slips out albeit slurred.

“What?” she asks, quickly looking over at him.

“I said I hope you drove.”

“Why does it matter?”

“Do you see what you’re wearing?”

She blinks and scoffs at him, “I just picked your drunk ass up at 2 am and you want to lecture me about my clothing choices.”

“That’s not what I….”

She cuts him off, “Stop. You’re sleeping on the couch and I expect you to be gone when I wake up.”

“Honey.”

“Don’t. I already made myself clear earlier; I want nothing to do with you. I should’ve left you at the stupid station,” she mumbles the last part to herself but he still hears it and sews his mouth shut. The rest of the car ride back to her house is quiet aside from the normal noise of the car and the city.

She wants to regret hurting him with her words but she can’t find it in herself to care anymore. Maybe it’s the exhaustion or the petty side of her that strives to inflict as much pain as she can onto him. He did deserve it after all and he’s not protesting at least out loud.

Internally he wants to confess his undying love for her but he knows she won’t care and it won’t change her mind. He does deserve all of her hate and anger. It’s all just no matter how harsh it might be.

Steve keeps stealing glances of her in his window’s reflection and accepts the heartache it induces. Her house comes into view and he can feel her relax when it does. She pauses before fully pulling it and has the garage door open to hide his car from sight in it.

Once inside, she turns it off and waits for the door to shut completely before getting out. Steve watches as she kicks her shoes off and takes off her coat, leaving her in her thin pjs. He climbs out and does the same as her. Following her inside, she instructs him to sit at the island like before while she goes to get him blankets and pillows.

His eyes find the Polaroid again and the memories replay again. The sound of Y/N dropping a stack of bedding brings him around again.

“Here’s a couple blankets and a pillow. Don’t worry about folding them, I'll have to wash them.”

She turns to leave but he calls out softly and stops her, “thank you.”

Her hand rests on the wall beside her and she drops her head to rest on it.

“Why do you do this to yourself?”

“I want you back. I want YOU.”

She faces him again, “That’s not how this works. You don’t get to make a reappearance and magically everything goes back to how it was.”

Steve pushes off and is before her in a few short strides. He gently holds her face in his warm hands and refuses to let go even though she tugs lightly at his wrists.

“Give me another chance. Please honey, just one more chance,” he begs her as he touches his forehead to hers. Y/N’s eyes flutter closed and her breathing grows shallow, hot breath brushing against his face.

He nudges her head back and ghosts his lips over hers, waiting for her to push him away. When she doesn’t, he captures her lips in a slow and intimate kiss. Everything he’s felt over the last 10 years is flooding her as he moves his lips over hers. Every promise he’s made to himself in her name is conveyed as he sighed against her lips.

She’s the first to pull away and is shaking her head when she does so.

“No.”

[bisclavret]

hello I'm thinking about that gifset you did. yaoi cocaine. whatever it was. with gwaine and merlin having figured each other out. and gwaine looking betrayed while merlin looks elated is SO IMPORTANT TO ME YOU DON'T EVEN GET IT.

GWAINE USES HAVING MERLIN FIGURED OUT TO BRING HIM JOY. MERLIN USES HAVING GWAINE FIGURED OUT TO HURT HIM.

fuckkkk it just. you can sort of see it with how they distance themselves too and what their relationship looks like in s4 & 5. ESPECIALLY 5 bc at the end of the season merlin uses his knowledge of gwaine (that gwaine cares about him and would risk his life for him without hesitation) to hurt him (not being honest with him about his magic or allowing him to help get it back) LIKE OH MY GOD. THEY HAVE EACH OTHER FIGURED OUT. MERLIN KNOWS IT'LL HURT GWAINE IF HE DOESN'T TELL HIM THINGS BUT HE ALSO KNOWS GWAINE WILL DO ANYTHING FOR HIM AND I JUST. AUGH. I THINK THAT SHOULD BE EXPLORED MORE BC LATER SEASONS MERWAINE TOXIC YAOI IS EVERYTHING TO ME

oh im so glad you picked up on that too! theyre literally ideological foils to each other in that episode: even as they bond over some shared values and trauma (and attraction), the key conflict between them is that gwaine's life experiences have made him a staunch anti-royalist while merlin is prophecy-pilled into believing he lucked out with "the good ones". from the moment merlin learns gwaine's dad was a knight he relentlessly uses this fact to convert gwaine back to catholicism nobility so he can stick around as a knight of camelot, which merlin rationalizes as a kindness because gwaine seems lonely and leads a dangerous life.

but the way gwaine reacts to merlin's attempts at persuasion is conflicted and suspicious because "what's this guy's agenda?" and i don't think that ever fully lets up. even as gwaine concedes that arthur is one of "the good ones" i do believe it's just for merlin's sake because there are no "good ones" in a class war lol he sees how rooted merlin is in his beliefs (not to mention the repressed sexuality) and wants to reassure him that even though he's in no rush to join him, he's not judging him either. and merlin is relieved and happy with this outcome because gwaine kindly didn't call him out on the homosexuality and he stopped trying to threaten his beliefs. that whole episode is the equivalent of being a leftist on a dating app in 2022 wondering how low you'd stoop for a cute british twink that's unironically mourning queen elizabeth. but i digress.

merwaine is toxic yaoi to ME because not only does it start with them butting heads ideologically, merlin's ideology WINS and gwaine abandons everything he stood for to become a knight in the hopes of finding love and community. and then of course by the time s4 and s5 roll in there is so much grief and shame and fanaticism in merlin that he refuses to indulge, refuses to go off-script and allow gwaine to be anything except a tool and a weapon. which is obviously not the vibe gwaine was getting off of merlin in s3, but by his last episode he's surrendered himself to the reality that that's all merlin allows himself to want from him to the point where after merlin rejects him one last time he literally gives him his sword and lets him walk away. grim!

then again, they're both complicit in making each other feel worse! gwaine sounds like he already has some mistrust of magic when we first meet him, and by s5 he's parroting camelot-isms about magic, "you are a sorcerer and a heretic", and killing sorcerers who did nothing. and then merlin quietly marks their grave and keeps repeating to himself that "it'll get better one day" while refusing to listen to anyone who has any criticism whatsoever.

and to circle back to the point of "they figured each other out": THAT'S WHY IT'S SO POTENT. TO ME. merlin knows that gwaine loves him best of all but whenever gwaine tries to act on his love merlin recoils because of catholic fanaticism he's convinced everyone he shares his secrets with will die. the repression is off the charts. and gwaine resents repression but he's forced to abide by it because he's disarmed by merlin's apparent selflessness and bravery (and the fact that merlin gets to live a life of adventure and self righteous fighting while not actually being a noble - that's literally gwaine's dream!) but i simply cannot look at gwaine in honestly ANY of the seasons he's in and go "oh he doesn't mind :) he just wants to be involved!" the man practically died of a broken heart. merlin broke his heart. and gwaine let him, he was also an active participant! i like to overanalyze eoin's acting decisions and try and pinpoint moments where he bites his tongue lest he says something that goes against merlin's (and the show's) ideology that will cost him his place. which is not unlike hiding a secret identity if you think about it

[meetinginsamarra]

mayprompts2024, #32 determined

Chapters 1 to 8 here on AO3

If you like the tattoo AU give it some love on my AO3, please. It would mean a lot to me. TYSM!

The remaining chapters will be uploaded one every following day.

+++++

White Pony Tattoo - Part Twelve (determined)

Sherlock was completely stunned by John’s angry rant.

For once, witnessing the fierce side of John’s, the fearsome soldier, the way he was bristling with furious energy and righteous anger about Sherlock deriding and loathing himself was simply spectacular.

Also, because thinking about what John had actually said, Sherlock realized with growing surprise that firstly, he himself had never seen it this way and secondly, that John had made a brilliant deduction Sherlock had been so far uncapable of observing and thus, John was pretty damn smart, too.

Sherlock blinked rapidly, trying to compute the new point of view.

“I’ve never thought about it this way before.” Sherlock said in a small but not unhappy voice.

“Obviously.” John commented gruffly and sat down in the recliner chair again.

They were quiet for the next hour, the only sound to be heard was the whirring of the tattoo gun and Sherlock’s occasional instructions for John how to hold the arm.

It was a comfortable and contemplative silence as each of the two men pondered what had been said and what there was to be learned from it.

Sometime in the midst of the tattoo job, Sherlock began to speak.

“The tattooing helped a lot, with coping, I mean.”

Then the dam of keeping his past inside broke quickly and Sherlock told John everything. He had not been right out rejected by John after confessing his junkie past and the ongoing struggle of resististing to cure the itch. He hoped that John would still not reject him after confessing how stupid and gullible he had been.

“I’ve been studying chemistry at uni and apart from the equations and chemical reactions and experiments everything else bored me. I had no other hobbies and I especially had no friends. All of my peers thought I’m was weirdo and an asshole and shunned me for very good reasons because I was both.

I always wanted to be perfect, to fit in. Just be normal. But I am not a likeable person, I’m abrasive and obnoxious and I see things that people want to hide and I hurl these into their faces so that they’ll leave me alone.

One day I met Darren on campus, a drug dealer looking for new clients and he introduced me to cocaine.

It was heaven, John.

The cocaine softened all of this. I could concentrate better. I was happy, really truely happy with myself and my life for the first time since I was a teenager.

Shortly after, I fell in love with my now regular supplier and he became my first boyfriend. Darren might even have really loved me but that didn’t stop him from taking advantage of me.

He soon talked me into using my proficient chemistry skills for synthesising Ecstasy and I didn’t think a lot about it because he gave me free cocaine that I had quickly become addicted to.

I’ve been on a continuous high for over one year and have been able to hide it very well from everybody. In fact, my peers had become more friendly and open with me now that I apparently acted like what was generally perceived as “normal”. Which only confirmed my belief that without the drug I’d never be able to function adequately.

I had developed a severe drug addiction in the meantime. I was injecting cocaine several times a day and the veins in my left arm were utterly ruined.

The first time I tried to shoot up with my left hand using the good veins on my right arm I accidentally overdosed. It happened to be right here in the shop. Back then, the locality had still been a café. Mrs Hudson had run it, serving coffee and the best home-made bakeries. She found me unconscious on the toilet floor, barely breathing. She called the ambulance and I died on the way to the hospital due to cardiac arrest but they could reanimate me just in time.”

Sherlock was grateful that all the while he talked John merely listened without any judgemental comments. Being allowed to finally let go of at least some of the hurt was a huge relief.

“While I was in rehab, I made the acquaintance of another recovering addict who was a very skilful tattoo artist. When we were both clean, I asked her to put the white pony I had designed onto my back. Her art of painting with ink on skin intrigued me and she taught me all there was to know.”

“And now you are here.” John stated.

“And now I am here.” Sherlock confirmed. “And I’ll do everything to keep being here.”

“Including to keep everybody from eventually becoming part of your life?” John asked quietly. It sounded a bit defeated.

Sherlock sighed. “So far, yes.” He looked at John. “But that might change.”

“I’d be very happy if it would.” John gathered his courage. “If you would let me into your life.”

They watched each other silently for a minute, examining their feelings and what might be found in the depths of each others eyes. The seconds stretched out, trickling by agonizingly slow.

“I’ll make you a deal.” Sherlock said, fiddling with the tattoo gun. “We’ll finish your tattoo now. You will let it heal thoroughly for two weeks and I will think thoroughly about all that’s been said today. We both have to be sure.”

“That’s okay with me.”

“And then, we will go out on a date and have dinner, if you’re still interested in getting to know me by then.”

John had already opened his mouth to strongly object that he could ever lose interest in Sherlock but was shut off by Sherlock’s gesture to keep mum.

Sherlock smiled softly and pointed to his shop sign. “No arguing, John.”

“Okay, fine, good.” John nodded and swallowed. Somehow, a tiny tear of joy at the prospect to have a chance formed in his eye.

Sherlock smiled some more. “Also, no crying, John.”

++++++

Two weeks later, John arrived exactly on time at “Angelo’s Italian Restaurant” to have dinner with Sherlock.

This time, John did not hover in front of the door, he did not hesitate, or oscillate around on the pavement.

This time, John knew what he wanted and what he needed to do. Determined, he opened the door, entered and saw that Sherlock was waiting for him at a candle-decorated table for two.

+++++

(and they tattooed happily ever after)

Thank you all for reading, liking and commenting. It's been great to write this!

tagging some people @calaisreno @totallysilvergirl @lisbeth-kk @raina-at @peageetibbs

[respectthepetty]

But what if Sand rejects Ray?!! I am gonna be devastated.

Anon,

SAND SHOULD REJECT RAY IF HE KNOWS WHAT IS GOOD FOR HIM!

Everyone is screaming at Nick to run far away from Boston, but this entire friend group is terrifying! I'm even yelling at cocky Top to back away from Mew before his entire life gets turned inside out. So if I'm praying Top comes to his slutty senses, know that I've already lit six candles for Sand to save himself from what Ray is about to do to him (I'm Catholic; we light candles and pray to saints. It's like speaking to a department manager for an issue instead of going directly to the supervisor).

Mew is a virginal slut (uses sex as a prize). Boston is a predatory slut (uses sex to feel superior). But Sand is dealing with a top level Slut for Christ, and we are the worst kind of slut.

We have that Christian Trauma™, so we invent new ways of sinning, then cope with it in the worst ways. The OG Slut for Christ, Cruel Intentions' Kathryn Merteuil, had a rosary with cocaine in the crucifix. We are NOT part of the problem. WE ARE THE WHOLE FUCKING PROBLEM!

We know we are messes, but we are too busy being attention whores to deal with those pesky feelings constantly gnawing at the inside of our brains telling us we are bad people.

Remember, Ray thought Sand had sex with him WHEN HE WAS DRUNK, and Ray was fine with that because when he evaluated the situation, at least Sand was attractive.

Ray thinks he deserves bad things to happen to him because he thinks he is a bad person, so being sexually assaulted by someone when he couldn't consent isn't that bad considering the guy was hot, right?

Ray doesn't think he deserves kindness. He doesn't think he deserves respect, and his friends don't give it to him. They make jokes at his expense, and call him a burden (because he is!). Which is why he hasn't gone after Mew. Mew is good. Mew is kind. Mew would never be with someone bad like Ray.

Which is why he will soak up all the love Sand is willing to give him,

just to throw it all back in Sand's face like the toxic bitch he is.

Because when you don't think you deserve good things, you will do everything to prove just how bad you are.

Ray has childhood trauma. He has Christian Trauma™. And he has money.

He is lethal.

So if y'all are upset at Dangerous Romance's Kanghan for being the biggest bully and the littlest bitch, know that Kanghan and Ray are BOTH Sluts for Christ. They have trauma, and they have money, and they will BOTH use that money to control people.

Because why else would someone hang out with a proven bad boy who has nothing going for him but his money if money wasn't involved? Ray followed Sand THREE TIMES, and each time, Sand was persuaded by money.

I haven't seen him take any money from Ray, but Sand has already set it up for Ray to believe that he can be bought, and Misery loves company, even if he has to pay for it.

And Ray will make Sand miserable.

It's the one thing we are good at.

[gojos-fr-bae]

𝖂𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝕷𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖘 𝕯𝖔 𝕻𝖙. 2- 𝕸𝖆𝖐𝖊 𝖎𝖙 𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖕

Pairing: CEO!Gojo x Fem!Lawyer!Reader

Warnings: Cursing, drinking, smoking, drug use, thoughts of su1c1de, panic attack, depressed Gojo

Word Count: 1.1k

H/C- home country

Minors DNI

Gojo stirred from his sleep...again.

He's waking up...again.

Why couldn't he just be at peace for once.

Suddenly he felt so nauseous. And then cam the pain. The strong, unbearable, disgusting, white hot pain.

He ran to the toilet and gagged so hard, trying so hard to throw up the food he hadn't even eaten. When was the last time he ate? He couldn't even remember that at a good time let alone when he was throwing up so hard his vision was blurring. But then again, maybe those were his tears as sobs racked his body.

Make it stop make it stop MAKE IT STOOP!

Why wouldn't it all just stop. Maybe it was the two bottles of gin he took before bed...or the five sleeping pills...or the kilo of cocaine. All he knew was that he was sitting on his bathroom floor wishing he took all the pills, maybe then they would've stopped his heart.

*Knocks*

"Satoru you're going to be late" Said Nanami, annoyed on the other side of the door.

Gojo slapped his hand over his mouth to muffle his cries.

"Satoru?" Nanami tried again, voice sounding slightly more worried this time.

The lack of a response caused him to open the door, his stoic expression softening ever so slightly as he looked down at his best friend.

"Again?"

Satoru looked up at him before letting his shoulders shake, tears cascading down his face as he nodded his head.

"*sigh* Alright, let's get you cleaned up"

~

"She's here" Nanami said to Gojo, now in his office.

"Really?" the latter perked up, rising from his seat.

"Yes but if I may ask, why are you so interested in her?"

"You know she shut down my flirting?"

"And this shocked you because?"

"When last do you remember me being reject by someone with a pussy?"

"You want to go there?" Nanami asked, smirking at Gojo who rolled his eyes.

"Just tell me where she is"

"Staff room, pretty sure she's getting breakfast, you should try it some time,"

"The staff room?"

"Breakfast,"

"Oh you're soo funny"

Satoru groaned before walking out of the office to go find you. Who knows, maybe he'll get lucky today.

~

"Hey~" a deep voice whispered in your ear making you jump in shock and turn around ready to kill whoever was behind you. Unfortunately, that happened to be your new boss.

"Oh, Mr. Gojo, how may I help you?"

"Not much just um... getting coffee."

"Ah, let me make you some then, how many sugars?"

"Five,"

"FIVE? What the hell, it's like you don't even want teeth."

"I guess not."

You looked at him like he had three heads before making him the coffee but putting 4 sugars instead of 5.

"So, there's a company dinner tonight for all the new staff, would love to see you there."

"Of course sir, now if you'll excuse me I have to get working."

"Please, go ahead"

"Yes sir," You said before bowing and walking away from him as fast as possible, who knows, maybe you will trip on your heels, twist an ankle and have to miss the dinner.

~

"Woah, and where are you going dressed like such a slut?" Toji asked, leaning on the frame of the bathroom door, looking you up and down while smirking.

For the dinner you chose to wear a light pink, knee length satin dress with a sweetheart neckline. You even straightened your hair and were finishing up on your makeup.

"Well if you MUST know, I'm going for a company dinner."

"Dresses like that? Might ass well just go naked and take birth control. I call dibs on Godfather."

"Yeah yeah, you're just cause ur going to be alone tonight."

"Says who? I'm going to be so busy I had to fill up on condoms."

"As if you'll use them." you snorted, walking past him to pick up your bag and leave.

"You look gorgeous by the way" He whispered, making you turn around and smile at him softly.

"Thank you"

"Uh huh, yeah now fuck off the strippers get here in ten, I don't need them seeing your weird ass, might think I'm cheating on them," He snorted, making you role your eyes and walk out of your shared apartment, wondering why you still put up with him.

~

You walked into the reserved room with a few of your colleagues, making the meeting complete. And you did your best to ignore the fact that your boss saved you the seat right beside him.

"Great! Now that we're all here and situated, I would like to raise a toast to all of you and welcome you to Gojo industries, I look forward to working with all of you. Cheers"

And while everyone was toasting, you couldn't help but notice how Gojo's hand was shaking. You also looked at his face and noticed his pupils were dilated.

"Uhm, excuse me sir, are you okay?" you whispered once everyone had settled down and were immersed in their own conversations.

"Of course, why would you ask?

"Well, it's just that you're shaking, so I was slightly concerned."

"Ah, I didn't even notice, maybe I just need some fresh air, excuse me."

He rose from his seat and made his way out of the room, but you couldn't help but notice how his breathing had sped up slightly and his shoulders tensed. Kinda of weird but then again he seemed like a pretty odd guy so you chose not to question it.

~

You were walking through the restaurant when you passed the back door and heard some heavy breathing. You slowly walked towards it and cracked the door open and shock cannot even begin to express the emotion you were experiencing at that moment.

There was your boss, squatting while leaning against the building wall. But what caused your surprise was his heavy breathing. He was shaking so violently that even though you technically hated his guts you couldn't help but worry.

"Sir? A-are you ok?"

Instead of a response, his breathing quickened. He was...having a panic attack? What the...huh?

"Uhm sir, please calm down." you said in the softest tone you could muster, putting your bag down and trying to pat his back.

"Make it stop, please" you hear him croak, his voice sounded so soft, so weak, so...broken. You'd had your fair share of panic attacks but through the lower half of them, you had Toji to be a shoulder to cry on so you know that being alone while suffering like this was hell. And because of this, you kneeled down and pulled him against you, wrapping your arms tightly around him and placing his head against your neck.

Once you did he began to sob so hard you were pretty sure it was tipping his throat raw. He grabbed your dress so hard he feared he would never be able to let go.

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Tags: @porridgesblog

© gojos-fr-bae

[bi-and-bewildered]

In honor of my graduation, here are my favorite stories to tell about my high school experience

In my first week of freshman year, I watched a kid snort cocaine off his desk. To this day, that is the most blatant in-class drug use I’ve ever witnessed.

Freshman year, ancient literature class, our teacher had a week where he was in a bad mood. We brought in his favorite candy to give him as we walked in the door. He was completely baffled and claimed he was never in a bad mood to begin with.

Sophomore year, AP Biology, I wrote a lab report on mitosis. I wrote the phrase “cells divide during this process.” My teacher counted me points off and wrote back “Cells can’t do math.”

Sophomore year, AP World History, our teacher mentioned she once had a class with a pet fish. She said as long as we took care of it and she didn’t have to deal with it she didn’t care. I brought a fish and a fish tank into school and our fish, lovingly named Frank, remained our class mascot for the rest of the semester. Name suggestions included: Beta Mussolini (vetoed), Beta Male, Sparta-fish

Sophomore year, our spring musical was High School Musical. The day of opening night, our male lead (playing Troy) got hit by a car walking to get food before the show. He still went on that night and our director didn’t even find out about it until two weeks later when the show was over.

My junior year APUSH teacher said that she wouldn’t panic if I died in her classroom (lightheartedly playing off a joke I had made), I thought it was hilarious. 2 months later, I had seizure on the floor of her classroom. Low and behold, she was perfectly calm the entire time.

Same year, same class as the above story. A girl in my class (a friend of mine) witnessed a guy get shot point blank at an intersection on her way to school. She came in was like, “I just saw a guy get shot😐.” Teacher sent her to the counselor.

my senior year calculus teacher had pet lizards and decided to start breeding cockroaches for them. in his classroom. sometimes he’d throw cockroaches at kids to scare them. he also accidentally bred an albino cockroach and that was pretty cool.

in a single day of school senior year, a student got run over on the crosswalk in front of our school in the morning, a teacher had a heart attack during first hour, and a fight broke out during lunch and the kid jumped on a lunch table and kicked the other guy in the face. (no one died btw) (it was also the day i got rejected from my dream school lmao)

another day in second semester, in the morning there was a four car accident in the school parking lot that took out an entire light pole. not one to be out done, three hours later our senior class president drove through a wall like three feet to the left of the first accident.

love a good american public school🤘🏼🤘🏼