#i love my gay son and his gay little outfits

[cannissmajor]

revamped my sirius design🤗

[ruuari]

this is how older anduin looks in my head

[jadeazora]

Which Pokemon Villains are homophobic:

Giovanni: Would founding 🌈Rainbow Rocket🌈 count as rainbow capitalism? (It sounds like the name of a company that manufactures dildos, tbh.) I don't think he's supportive, but it doesn't bother him either. All he cares about is if you do your job well. He has men and women in his organization both thirsting for him. Have you met Archer? (His only true loves are money and power; Silver feels more like a precautionary heir.)

Archie/Maxie: are divorced. Also this was an image the official Japanese Pokemon Twitter fucking dropped with the caption "they're getting along well!" Definitely not homophobic:

Cyrus: dgaf. His whole thing is purging the world of emotion, so love's got to go too. (Pretty much everybody is under fire here.) He probably doesn't give a shit what you do in the meantime tho.

Ghetsis: 100%, no fucking doubt in my mind, regularly calls people slurs. His list of slurs is also *VERY* comprehensive.

N: Who do you think Ghetsis's favorite target is? I feel like he's completely chill with it, tho is personally entirely incapable of discerning the difference between romantic love and the love between friends.

Colress: If it isn't his "how to draw out a Pokémon's true strength" research, he doesn't care. You do you. 👍

Lysandre: His whole thing is beauty, and beauty isn't limited to gender or sexuality, and love is a beautiful thing, so why limit himself? Bro's pan.

Guzma: He takes outcast kids off the streets and gives them a home. No way he's homophobic! You got disowned? You're a fellow outcast in his eyes, and your home is with Skull now! (He's dating Plumeria, but is bi to me.)

Lusamine: initially, probably not since she's super controlling and not really a supportive mother to begin with, but since she does end her story wanting to do better for her kids, I feel like she would come around eventually and try to be better.

Piers: Nah, he's with Raihan and his little sis "fancies" Gloria. Next.

Rose: I feel like he would probably engage in some rainbow capitalism here and there, but he's generally friendlier than the other CEO-type villains personality-wise and there's several members of the Galar League who feel bi/gay (Nessa, Piers, Raihan), he wouldn't really be homophobic.

Volo: I don't think he cares that much, but if he can use homophobia to manipulate somebody, he totally would call them a slur. It really just depends what tool he has in his arsenal he feels would be the most effective way of manipulating you.

Penny: she literally calls your mom so pretty her brain glitched. I feel like she could get mad enough to doxx you if you tried to bully gay/trans kids in her presence.

Sada/Turo + the AI: As scientists, they're too wrapped up in their work to care (hell, they barely paid their own son any mind) and the AI knows being gay is something found naturally across species, so homophobia doesn't make much sense to them. Sada also strikes me as bi, and Turo strikes me as ace (with him, I think it's the outfit).

[harrysdaydream-tpwk]

“I’m just an arrogant son of a bitch- H.S”

summary: Harry and you argue after his show at Wembley and he gets jealous and pissy. Angst ensues

warnings: arguments, swearing, angst with a happy ending

pairing: harry styles x fem!reader

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

The door slammed shut behind him, his footsteps heavy, even on the carpeted floor. You sighed, tired and weary. It had been a long night and by the looks of it, it was about to get even longer.

Harry huffed, taking off his shoes with more force than necessary, throwing them in the general direction of his open suitcase. He wasn’t wearing the colourful outfit anymore, looking much more like yours in the black nike shorts and worn-out t-shirt you’ve seen far too many times on him. You stood in the doorway between the ensuite bathroom and the bedroom, watching him quietly as he ran his fingers through his brown hair repeatedly-noting it had get even longer since the last time you saw him.

He looked up at you finally, his eyes stormy and half-lidded. He was mad, furious even and you weren’t totally sure why. You hadn’t seen him for three weeks, the tour taking a toll on your relationship and you had hoped this night would’ve at least be a change to your boring office life, a moment with the man you loved so dearly.

“What is your problem?”, you said demanding, sounding harsher than intended. Your arms were crossed in front of your chest, you yourself still dressed in the outfit you had chosen for tonight’s show. A pink, puffy dress, matching cowboy boots and hat. Hell, you had even put on a boa, going all out.

“My-“, he breathed out, before getting louder, “My problem? What the hell is your problem? We haven’t seen each other in almost a month and you already go around flirting with other guys? At my own damn show nonetheless?” He stood up from where he was sat on the king sized bed, taking a step closer to you.

“What?”, you sputtered unbelievingly. “What the fuck are you even talking about? All I did was talk to your mum and your sister, I haven’t seen either of them since Christmas and you just accuse me of things that didn’t even happen? Fuck you.” Tears gathered in your eyes and he noticed, faltering slightly.

“I saw you”, he started, pointing his finger at you,” Talking to him. I don’t know who he was, I don’t even care. I just know you were laughing pretty hard at his jokes or whatever he was telling you. A little too much to just be friendly.”

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. Ryan-“

He interrupted you before you could even finish. “Oh, Ryan”, he mocked, “Is that his name? Gotta be careful you don’t start moaning his name the next time we fuck.”

He was getting really worked up now, the vain on his forehead popping and you were getting angrier by the minute too. He had always been jealous, even a little possessive, and it was getting on your nerves.

“Ryan is an old friend from school, you asshole. You know him, I invited him to my birthday party two years ago. He’s gay, Harry, so he’s not interested in me and I’m not interested in him. It’s just a coincidence, he told me you were really nice to him when he met you and that he wanted to support you. Although, I don’t expect him to think so highly of you if he knew what you’re throwing at me right now.” You took a deep breath in, the tears finally breaching free. You couldn’t keep them in any longer.

You were exhausted, travelling from home to see him at Wembley, his concert of two hours and then this argument on top of it. The weak and selfish part of you just wanted him to hold you, while the bigger part just wanted to yell at him some more. You missed him and he was treating you so unfairly.

“I missed you”, you whispered, “I just wanted to spend the night with you peacefully, you’re my home, Harry. Why don’t you ever make me feel like I’m yours too?” You let out a sob, slapping your hand over your mouth defeated.

“Oh. Oh, Y/N.” His eyes were soft now, staring at you unnervingly. “Here, sit down, my love. You look like you’ll fall over any minute.” He guided you to a chair nearby, pushing you down gently.

“I’m so sorry”, he whispered, kneeling before you. His face was illuminated by the lights of London outside the big hotel window. “This tour has taken a toll on me, I missed you so much more, Y/N, you have to believe me. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, I just got so upset over the thought of you with someone else. I’m so selfish, I wish I could have you by my side everyday, you know? I love you and I never want to hurt you, not like this. Not over something I have so obviously perceived wrongly.”

You laughed wetly, your make-up probably smudged, making you look like a hot mess. “You know, I’m starting to think that you were right when you sang that you were just an arrogant son of a bitch who can’t admit that he’s sorry.” He chuckled quietly, wiping a tear from your cheek.

“I forgive you”, you said, kissing his palm, which was still holding your face gently, “But never say something like this to me again. I’d never cheat on you, not in a million chances. You’re my everything.”

“And you’re mine. We’ve got to figure out a way to see each other more, even when I’m touring and you’re working. I can’t go a day without you, without missing your beautiful face.”

You smiled softly, leaning down and he took the invitation to press a gentle, closed- mouthed kiss to your lips, a promise you understood, you accepted.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

lmk what you think<3 haven’t written in a while so i’m a bit rusty! i’m also working on a larger project that should hopefully be up in a few weeks. until then i’ll try my luck with smaller blurbs and one shots. enjoy!<3

[musicalmoritz]

if TBHK couples have kids, what will their parenting look like?

Awww, this is such a cute question!! I’m gonna do my main ones to keep this short but if you want to hear my takes on any others feel free to lmk!!

Aoinene

• Gotta do the gay moms first

• Unsure of whether they’d have a son or a daughter…either way these too are gonna adore their kid

• Aoi would be the strict mom, her own mother seems to be pretty controlling and she gives me “turning into your parent” vibes. She’d try to acknowledge when that behavior goes too far tho and eventually try to loosen up a little. She’s not the first they go to when they’re in trouble but she gives the best advice; and she doesn’t really get mad or yell, more-so she gets stern

• Nene would be the exact opposite. She’s not a regular mom, she’s a cool mom/ref. Definitely the type to take her kid on spontaneous shopping trips and not tell Aoi until they’ve already splurged. It’s okay tho because Aoi can’t stay mad at her wife. She buys her kid extra treats every time she stops by the store, and takes them for ice cream every Friday

• As they’ve both had their own mental health struggles, they would check in a lot with their child to make sure they’re doing okay

• Their family might struggle with communication because, well, it’s Aoinene, but they’re certainly going to make an effort. They’d be really into family holiday traditions, I’m talking movie binges, festivals, decorating, big meals, etc.

Terukane

• Teru practically already has two kids so whoever he’s dating is going to get the co-parenting experience (at least with Tiara, Kou becomes more of an awkward brother-in-law)

• These two would so be girl dads you cannot change my mind. If it’s not Tiara then it’s another little girl they adopted

• Teru would be a total helicopter parent, not necessarily strict like Aoi but very overprotective. And he’d do that typical parent manipulation tactic of ���oh I guess I’m just the worst dad ever” during arguments. But don’t let those traits fool you, he would be the most loving dad ever. His kids are his entire life, he probably carries pictures around of them in his wallet

• Akane would also be a good dad, just less overbearing. He’d be the type to take his kid to the baseball field or yell at them over math homework at the kitchen table. It would be that type of parent/child dynamic where they immediately look at each other whenever another family member says smth out of pocket. He’s really good at taking care of ppl so he’s be very doting at times like Teru

• Since neither of their parents seem to be very active in their lives they’d try to devote as much time and attention to their daughter as possible

• One of those family dynamics where they constantly make fun of each other but it’s obvious they love each other more than anything

Mitsukou

• In an au where they could grow up together…

• They have a son or a son and a daughter

• Kou would be one of those overly loving fun dads. The type of guy you think of when you hear “dad energy.” He tries to make conversation with all his kids’ friends and it’s awkward. And he’d start a bunch of projects for his kids like building a pool or planning family vacations. If one of his kids has a rough day he sits them down for an emotional talk. Overachiever Dad, if you will

• Mitsuba would be the type of dad to lovingly bully his kids 24/7. Yes he critiques their outfit choices every day. Yes he gives his input on school drama. He’d be very annoying but at the end of the day still care a lot, I like to think he’d have a subtle overprotective streak. Kou does like 80% of the parenting for him but he’s there for emotional support

• They care a lot abt making sure their kid has hobbies and friends so they’re both on the PTA

• They’re one of those really annoying families that wear matching pajamas at Christmas. Yes you are going to see their aesthetic family pictures every time you open Instagram. The kids think they’re too cool for it but they’re not

I hope you enjoyed these, thank you for the ask!

[everything-is-as-it-was]

My fave moments of Phil roasting Dan's outfits:

Daniel Howell is known for

• Being Gay

• Being a little bit despondent

• His "unusual" choice of fashion

"I'm not gonna hold back because........ he deserves it."

"We got a jumper with a little pocket, some rips in it, what's he got in there? Something edgy? A little skull?" pls he's so condescending. love.

"I'm not getting much from that at all. It's not offending me but I think it's a c." (implying some of Dan's clothes are offensive lmao)

"Is this tour-ception? Dan suits a bit of denim....." (looks of camera) "It's not?" (jumpcut to completely deadpan:) "If it's just a standard denim jacket it's getting a B"

"B for......... bold." Good to know he knows his b words mr english language and linguistics

"Is he tryna look like a tropical cougar? What's he going for with this? I'm not sure." I'm not sure either Phil he looks like he got that out of my school's drama department closet

"Not sure an outdoor coat is appropriate for an m&g."

"Lacey shirt, what is this? Lingerie, but on your... not... butt?" (Cue the most wonderful giggle ever)

"That's quite nice, a little bit boring." 10/10 commentary

"Sexual fantasies arm, ooh, what an edgy arm you have! I'm not a fan of this jumper, we get it, it's long, it's just got red text on it though. I mean, fill the arm with something interesting." (looks off camera) "You can have flames, you can have a whole heard of hippos, but no, it just says 'sexual fantasies.'" the fact that he hates this so much gives me LIFE (putting aside that I would def wear that jumper)

"Looks like Tony the Tiger's twink son."

"I think this is what the kids refer to as 'tech-ware.'" (ok phil)

"He's a depressed farmer!" (Sing-song voice)

"I think that's nice, but also kind of boring. It's mid; mid to nice."

"He's a stripey Parisian twink, inverted mode!" "You notice how the shoulder... is a little... lower than a shoulder should be? Wow, fashion.... quirky. Kind of gives me a headache looking at it, actually. It's a bit of a migraine trigger." Bro is taking this opportunity to let out EVERYTHING he's ever thought about Dan's wardrobe and I'm here for it

"It's a load of boxes. It's a load of fuzzy boxes. That is.. average."

"This looks like something you'd find in the bargain bin at TK Maxx." hey t(j) maxx is amazing sir

"Dan, annoyingly, pulled it off." true

[crime-wives]

ouat 1x01 thoughts

god regina, you dramatic bitch. “I shall destroy your happiness if it is the last thing I do” ok darling, you can destroy me if you’d like

henry is so small, his tiny cheeks awww

not to be gay but… emma swan in the pink dress. fuck. i forgot how attracted to her i was. and the HAIR, the fucking princess curls. jesus christ her ARMS.

“bail bonds-person” i love her

yesss bitch, strut across the street like you own it. absolute icon behavior, slamming that asshole’s face into the steering wheel.

babe you’re so sad and pathetic with your vanilla cupcake. i bet she wished for family.

not her apartment door saying ‘cast a spell’

“My name’s Henry, and i’m your son” agevgsvegw STOP

her having a panic attack in the bathroom, so real.

once again, her ARMS, i want her so bad

henry’s cute little freckles, i can’t do this.

idgaf abt snow and charming “She poisoned an apple because she thought I was prettier than her” shut up bitch, you know that’s not why

“Oh kid, you’ve got problems” emma swan, insulting children since 1983

ok but the fact that they chose the name ‘emma’ in a fairytale world, lmao

evil queen theme song playing as they enter storybrooke

emma swan wearing the most dyke outfit possible. getting ready to impress milfs

not that there’s any significance, but emma’s license plate is: 836•M4X

snow and charming are so annoying istg

ewww the blue fairy, i hate that bitch (derogatory)

regina running towards henry and wrapping him up in a hug. her eyes are wet. good lord, her first reaction is concern and worry, not anger.

“I found my real mom” my HEART. her face after he said that, so stricken and hurt, baby…

emma’s little flustered, ‘hi’ when talking to a gorgeous milf. ok babe, we get it, you’re gay.

graham leaving bc of emma and regina’s immediate sexual tension. and regina’s eyes roving over emma.

first ‘Miss Swan’ of the show at exactly 21:00 minutes.

emma swan is so desperate to impress regina. it’d be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic (affectionate)

“Sneaky bastard” once again, emma swan insulting children since 1983

crashing into the storybrooke sign like the absolute icon she is

the cgi 💀💀

yay!! curse time :)

emma waking up in a jail cell. she just does not give a fuck about this shit.

her lips parting when she she’s regina, ok babe, she’s hot we get it

LIP SCAR

god mary-margaret pisses me off

go regina, knock over mary-margaret’s shit, absolute queen

“She’s kinda a hardass” yes but that turns you on, doesn’t it?

gina’s so hot when she’s evil

putting a newborn through the wardrobe to save themselves, a+ parenting

henry mills, once again, the most mature one in a situation “You don’t have to be hostile. You like me, I can tell. You’re just pushing me away because I make you feel guilty.”

“I wanted you to have your best chance. But it’s not with me. C’mon, let’s go.” go emma! be the mature adult i know you can be

petition to get emma swan a therapist so she can deal with all her issues (trust me, she’s got a lot of them)

“Look, your mom is trying her best. I know it’s hard, and I know sometimes you think she doesn’t love you, but at least she wants you.” emma swan, standing up for regina mills since the moment they met

mmm regina’s voice is so hot.

her unhinged laughter, i love her so much

“Where are we going?” “Somewhere horrible, absolutely horrible” takes them to maine

emma swan is so fucking desperate for regina’s approval. she wished to not be alone on her birthday, baby…

second ‘Miss Swan’ of the show at 38:43 (i will be keeping count of all of them :D)

regina fidgeting with her blazer pockets, she’s so anxious

first “He’s my son” at 39:01 minutes

“I will destroy you if it is the last thing I do” babe, it’s kinda gay to have a nemesis, just saying

third ‘Miss Swan’ of the show at 39:32

baby… gina is coming apart at the seems

god, not to be gay, but regina’s HANDS at 40:27 agevvegse

emma’s only staying because of regina’s provocations. she wouldn’t have stayed for henry.

gold is so icky.

she’s staying a *only* a week, sure babe, sure.

also side note, i forgot how good the coloring was in ouat. like its very faded, maybe indicative of storybrooke being stuck in the past???

[7nessasaryevils]

We are back, my beloveds!!! Ep 8 what fresh hell awaits me??

- WE COMING OUT SWINGING SON OF A BITCH: yak's little smile and the immediate way he goes to take off the necklace cause he knows... his heart is someone else's now 😭😭

- bolster light effect my beloved... how I have missed you 🥺🥺🥹

- "if you take it back again, you're a dead man": tell me you're married without telling me you're married

- this boxer is yours.... FUCKING LET ME BREATHE ITS NOT EVEN A MINUTE INTO THE SHOW

- Dee taking accountability for how his words hurt Yak... ohhh emotional growth how wondrous you are

- man said "you broke up with me" SIR YOU WEREN'T EVEN DATING

- Dee leading Yak back home (count one of I'm so fucking fine)

- the Phadetsuk family is under my protection and if someone breathes on them wrong I'll sit on them NO ONE TOUCHES MY BABIES

- Yak's stomach growled and my dumbass thought it was my stomach growling....

- awwww family dinner time!

- Cher being fucking awesome as always

- Taem... darling... the sad glow in your eyes is hurting me 🥺 you had your chance with Yak...

- of course Yak didn't answer; he was too busy cuddling his Mho Dee ♥️

- Yak, sir... I see you... whatchu thinking in that pervy head of yours hmmmm? 🤨🤨🤨

- never mind... I know exactly what is going on in that PERVY head of yours 🤣🤣🤣

- OIL MASSAGES MY SEXY BELOVED

- gentlemen!!! Avert your gazes!!! 🤣

- awww Dee trying to understand more about Yak's world

- the most fashionable Grim Reaper is back.... and continues to scare the shit out of me

- Dee knows something's wrong!!! Yeah baby, get ready to call out your man!

- the fact that Dee knows about the hallucinations Yak saw... that means Yak told him!

- Ter... you lowlife dried up dog shit human turd crap being... may your scrubs always have a rip in them! May your phone never charge! MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE AN IN GROWN TOE NAIL!!!

- LIKE FUCK DEE IS GONNA GO WITH YOU YOU FLOPPY DICK

- hehehehehegegege jealousy my beloved how wonderful you look upon Yoryak Phadetsuk 🥰🥰

- I don't know whether to be endeared about how excited Yak is to eat Dee's cooking... or fucking terrified because Yak is about to eat Dee's cooking

- the food is edible???

- COSTUME FASHION SHOW (although Yak being unsure about the whole thing but still trying for Dee's sake 🥺🥺🥺 count two of I'm fucking fine)

- GRANDMAMAMMAAMMAAMAMAMAMAMA QUEEN I HAVE MISSED YOU GUYS SHES BACK

- the irony of Yak being able to coordinate fights but unable to dance in rhythm 🤣🤣🤣

- wha- wait- what do- WHAT DO YOU MEAN FAKE BOYFRIENDS!!! YOU KISSED!!! ON THE LIPS!!! YOU'RE MARRIED NOW!!! WHAT NONSENSE AM I LISTENING TO

- disappear comp- ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!?

- I'm about to commit violence... pretty sure Kao and Granmama would help me

- product placement... my goodness I forgot what you looked like 😅🤣

- nooooooooo cute product placement!! 🥹🥹🥹🥹 I'm suddenly violently thrown back to the Miscellar water scene from BBS

- THE MARRIAGE EQUALITY BILL IM GONNA FUCKING THROW UP IM SO FUCKING GWENCHANA RIGHT NOW

- "let's register for marriage" NO ONE FUCKING TOUCH ME (this show better end with Yei and Cher having rings on their fingers, that's all I'm saying)

- you've never pro- oh gods oh gods is this happening is it it?!?!?

- ITS HAPPENING IT IS FUCKING FUCKING FUCK (COUNT 3 OF IM SO FUCKING GODDAMN FINE)

- speaking very honestly and seriously though: something in me breaks in the very best way watching Oyei ask Cher to marry him because they can. This is a thing that is very real for them. And it's beautiful.

- I love you Taem but girl.... you doing me a heckin annoyance- what is with that face???

- we're faking dat- sir when you start blow drying a dude's hair with that look in your eye YOU'RE FUCKING MARRIED!

- THAT'S A WEDDING GROOM OUTFIT YOU DUMB FUCKS WHY AM I SURROUNDED BY STUPID GAYS (all except Cher and Kao... they have all the brain cells)

- oh no... oh no no no no (remembers the scene from the trailer last week with Taem and Ohm) I do not like this nope nope no

- GET YOUR FUCKING HAND OFF HER IM GOING TO STAB A TWIN

- oh gods... the need in me to tell Yak to help Taem but also Dee's heartbroken face!!!

- THE DESI IN ME REJOICES!!!! I SEE YOU MY SARI WEARING BESTIE!!!!

- fuck no fuck no fuck no go away Ter curses upon you you flip floppy cock

- just one word- here's TWO words: fuck you

- also, Ter is an absolute asshole because Kwan is the one he's here's with and yet he goes to Dee to essentially say "oh I'll drop her for you in a heartbeat"... tell me you're an asshole without telling me you're an asshole

- Ter and Ohm sitting in a tree, both being A S S H O L E!

- GET YOUR HAND- YAK THROW HANDS NOW!!!

- fuck yeah report his fucking ass!!!!

- WHY ARE THESE ASSHOLES TOUCHING PEOPLE- where's my machete I need to chop appendages

- push him away push him away push him away for fucks sake Dee push him away

- oh thank fuck (could have shoved him harder is all I'm saying)

- THROWING HIS WORDS BACK AT HIM FUCK YEAH DEE THAT'S MY BOY

- Dee says it wasn't out of sarcasm... I don't care, I'm going to my grave with that broken look on Ter's face (honestly Dee, sweetheart, I'm so proud of you though; you know your worth)

- calling Ter pichai is perfect because Dee is finally distancing himself from this man; breaking the ties of familiarity and putting him where he belongs: in the trash as a fellow doctor

- if I had a quarter for every time I wanted to chuck my phone at a wall because a dickhead is touching one of my babies... I'd have a whole ass dollar... WHICH IS FAR TOO MANY QUARTERS!!!!

- Vivi.... remind me to erect temples for you too, my sweet desi wearing queen ♥️

- Kwan, you deserve better. The entire fucking hospital deserves better than that piece of shit quack doctor.

- wait is he.. he is... please let that be...

- FUCK YEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

- look at my princes dancing!!! My kings!!!

- do I take extra joy in watching Ter shoved off to the side? YOU FUCKING BET I DO

- ohhhhhh sir... sir are you gonna ask him to da- oh

- SJNWHEENJDNWJSSNS FUCK YEAH I LOVE YOUS

- say it back Dee SAY IT BACK!!!!

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN END CREDIT?!?

- HPV info my beloved 🥰🥰♥️

- you're going all out to win him over: WHAT THE FUCK WAS HAPPENING BEFORE?!

- oh no oh no no no no that makes me scared...

Well, this episode had me wanting to bang my head into a wall thanks to two assholes but on the whole, a lovely episode!!! I cannot wait to see how next week fucks me up!

[dance-like-an-idiot]

hi @madebyteenagefury i ended up making the dykesettos timeline poetic as hell and 2765 words long so i thought i would be a lot better if i made a new post for it

if you're new here go read this :3 context to where this au all started

lastly, she/her only for marvin and any for whizzer! everything under this cut is a hypothetical timeline for transfem marvin and gnc whizzer for dykesettos :D

marvin always knew that she liked lipstick and feminine things but she assumed her jealous adoration for those wearing it was a mix of attraction and misogyny to those things ("doesn't every man feel this way? since women are hot and also weak" ←simplifed) marvin didn't start experimenting until she felt kinda secure (?) in a little delusion of being cishet with a wife and son. (like "yes i am a strong man i love my wife and my son and my life.") and it took a Long time (i assume it must have started one time when she was drunk and had trina's lipstick on her lips from a kiss and she might've taken some lipstick and tried it out) before she actually started to consciously do it.

Also, i imagine marvin struggles with her sexuality so much that she can't tell the difference between when she's jealous and when she's attracted. she finds out trina likes her so they go out but trina gets pregnant so they're stuck together which trina is learning to be happy about but marvin isn’t. marvin Definitely likes women (especially some more genders cough whizzer) though, mostly in a physical way and doesn't find herself finding many of her date's personalities appealing (cause lets be honest who would marvin actively like that isn’t whizzer?). back to the regularly scheduled shit!!

most of her experience being feminine was while drunk and all of it was while thoroughly hating herself and what she was doing. she would try on trina's clothes in the middle of the night (they wouldn't fit) and assumed for a while her body dysphoria (of looking at her very masculine body in a mirror) was actually proof of her not being trans.

at this point marvin still hates herself for wearing women's clothes but has been doing it in secret at most twice a month since jason could talk, jason is 8-9; i assume when she meets whizzer she's finds herself heading to a gay bar (and she may or may not have put on some of trina's makeup because isn't that apart of the bar scene? and maybe she found some clothes of hers (and shamefully trina's) that look androgynous because the outfit would look bad otherwise) on a day where whizzer is fem and through various hook ups with them figures out that he's trans and gets pretty disgusted (cause sure she might like whizzer more than she's ever liked trina but she isn't gay and whizzer is a woman anyways. no matter how hot he looks with an undercut and sharper jaw. they're lucky she isn't a man if anything, it's been hell for marvin) so marvin for a while (still experimenting throughout) still thinks that she's straight because whizzer is Definitely Not A Man. (which they aren’t but that doesn’t make marvin straight)

whizzer here first assumes that marvin is a baby trans and they like women and money so why not? once again while hooking up she finds out marvin is transphobic and doesn't understand what they are but whizzer stays because she can be very sweet and kind to him and dammit if whizzer wasn't attracted as hell to marvin when they first met (and the sex is good) 

anyways when the divorce is finalized whizzer starts to force marvin into his fem clothes so that marvin can stop being transphobic ("oh noo i can't wear a dress cause you just got it dirty :(((" "then do the damn laundry") and cause she thinks marvin looks hot (read; happier) when she's feminine. marvin spends more and more nights where she takes whizzers dresses and skirts into the bathroom and tries them on to look at herself because she’s ashamed about how much she likes doing it. luckily whizzer has a lot of makeup but they would kill her if she touched it so she usually puts on whizzers mascara and sometimes liner if there's a new pack of makeup wipes. 

during jason’s therapy era; whizzer suspects something is happening (she is very particular about their makeup) but she talks to marvin about her using his makeup after they both Mysteriously Get Pink Eye (don't share mascara folks) it's a rare gentle moment from whizzer when she finally put its all together; that a lot of marvin's bullshit is from her internalized transphobia being mixed with her misogyny and her own trans-ness, but they also Really Aren't Sure how he can help with that. So.

anyways whizzer asks marvin if she likes how she looks when wearing makeup and when after a long time of marvin denying it all, she very reluctantly nods yes. so whizzer does her makeup, gets her in a dress, and styles her (very short) hair. she's wearing heels, her legs are shaved, she has a bra stuffed with socks on, and her face looks soft... she looks like a woman for the first time ever. and even though it’s 4 am, she has to drive to work in 3 hours, her head hurts from the tight headband whizzer found for her, and her brain feels uprooted and instincts petrified, she's never felt so happy in her life. then they kiss or something idk.

marvin kinda knows that she's a woman now (in the way of “oh i might not like being a man but i might be faking it and i don't want to be a woman (misogyny)”) she talks to whizzer about it but it leads to fights cause despite all of her inner conflict she's still marvin and can't be wrong about anything ever. she is also, through these fights, is learning more about how whizzer sees their own gender and really doesn't understand it (tbf whizzer doesn't either) they still fight about it but with marvin realizing she might be like whizzer the tone is very different and i'm not sure how to describe it. 

anyways mendel’s proposal fucks up her self discovery journey cause shes a little more focused on gaining control in her life rather than self discovery just by her own nature. she still loses whizzer, still loses trina, and still tries to be better to jason. AND STILL MEETS THE LESBIANS FROM NEXT DOOR YEAHHHHH!!!!! 

in the two years marvin starts to feel much more confident as herself. she prioritizes her constant need for control (cause it cost her literally everything) as well as being an active figure in jason's life, and then works on her misogyny and transphobia. it's at the bottom of her list because, first of all; jason is her damn world and she's generally not being an asshole anymore so self discovery can come later. and second; she's Very Fucking Scared. but finally, after living next to the lesbians for 8 months (act 1 ended 3 months ago) and realizing that they're wonderful people who work well together despite being women, she starts to visit more and more often. 

whizzer (sadly) took all of their makeup and clothes when she was kicked out so marvin has been stranded since then in terms of looking feminine (and being happy). so marvin has been trying to work up the courage to go shopping for Girl Clothes (absolutely terrifying, everyone will be able to tell she's trans (is she??) and they'll probably drag her out the store and beat her) or ask the lesbians if she can borrow clothes (absolutely terrifying, what if they say no? what if they think she's faking it? what if she is? what if they don't want to be friends and marvin starts to subconsciously revert back to how she felt as a teen, undoing all her progress and making everything worse?) 

she doesn't end up asking though because they give her an invitation to a girls night (being friends for 7 months) where they all paint their nails, do each other's makeup, style each other's hair, and maybe do some demon summonings. charlotte and cordelia offered because they know how much marvins been working on herself (especially the misogyny). they didn't do this thinking she was trans, though. 

they had suspicions early on that she was trans. because before they were friends, they had seen her with makeup on her face, sometimes wearing clothes with figure-framing necklines, and jewelry, sometimes hidden under clothes. since they hadn't seen any of that in 10 months, the thought had pretty much left their mind, and the only thing that could signal to her femininity was her growing out her hair. 

anyways GIRLS NIGHT WAS A SUCCESS!! marvin had so much fucking fun with the lesbians and had so much fucking fun playing around and doing feminine things and she could never have done it without them. she doesn't want to give in at first, her only shared feminine experiences had been with whizzer, because there is something fundamentally different about being with charlotte and cordelia. they notice how she doesn't wanna give in (and they Know its her misogyny) so cordelia takes her hand and simply asks her “purple or red?” holding up two nail polishes. marvin lets herself go then as cordelia paints her nails a deep red, an aretha franklin vinyl playing as charlotte and cordelia's high voices sing along, assisted by spikey dance moves whenever marvin’s nails need to dry. eventually her shoulders are fully relaxed and she is forced into learning the lyrics once her nails are dried. she tells them she really likes doing these things. she was trying to tell them she’s trans. it was still a great day though

so marvin hasn't fully accepted herself or fully gotten rid of the transphobia and misogyny but she's done a lot of fucking work!! they all go shopping for women's clothes together, they find marvin her own set of makeup and cordelia teaches her how to do her makeup and hair care when they find the time. when charlotte has free days they all hang out together and listen to more iconic women’s albums and marvin gets taught feminine mannerisms, like sitting and walking and standing. every time she sees herself in a mirror she looks more and more like a woman. 

she and cordelia work on her girl voice every week now, and when they hang out each day is ended with cordelia giving her cooking lessons because dammit she wants to show marvin how to cook and bake!! and now with jason being around every weekend, its getting harder and harder to try and hide who she is… but jason doesn’t need to learn about what his father does in his free time. marvin doesn’t want him to know. but she cooks him dinner now, so he might know, and he might tell trina and mendel, and either of those two find out her life will be ruined. 

15 months without whizzer and when jason asks about her the first thing marvin does is make jason realize that whizzer is transgender and she may just have a heart attack. jason tells her he had suspicions but “didn’t know you liked being around those people.” marvin scoffs and almost outs herself (for what? she's not trans) but in the end, as the conversation is ending, jason asks marvin what the makeup in the bathroom is from and she can see the cogs turning in her son's head as he starts to realize who his mother is. marvin doesn’t know what she is (she does)

jason is gone the next weekend for a sleepover and marvin spends it all next door crying (only a little bit) on their couch with wine in her hands and she looks so fully like a man right now her skin is grating to feel and the three of them head into marvins apartment because they are going to store away her guy clothes and she is going to be a woman (pointedly avoiding that phrasing because marvin freezes whenever either of them suggest her being a woman) so they do just that, and marvin gets herself ready while the lesbians wait in the living room, drinking the wine they retrieved from their apartment. 

marvin is having an internal crisis as she gets herself ready just like she’s done more than a hundred times before. it feels easy for her to slip her arms into a dress and to apply lipstick. it feels like it matters far more than it should. she caps the lipstick and sees herself in the mirror. she is a woman… she might cry, but she feels too strongly for that to stop her and she whispers those words to herself. and she’s a woman. and she really likes when people call her “she.” she walks out to the lesbians and they cheer at her appearance and marvin repeats those same words to them. and now she's being hugged so she cries because she can’t think of anything as wonderful as this. she’s never been so loved by anyone. she loves love. and she's a woman. she loves that most of all, and this time her fear is lesser than her love. 

the week from there is spent with marvin trying to hype herself up into having that conversation with jason which scares her but the lesbians confiscated her male clothes which she is incredibly happy and terrified about because she doesn’t think she passes very well and work is going to be a nightmare when she has to avoid everyone in the office but at least nothing happened when she was wearing makeup so she doesn’t think she is in immediate danger if someone puts 2 and 2 together but jason is coming over any second now since school ended an hour ago but jason has been hanging out with some friends after school recently and misses the first train and there's a knock at her door and she hasn’t told her son she's a woman yet— 

jason is taken aback when she opens the door but his face settles in recognition and asks her “are you my mom now?” marvin’s eyes shine with tears as she responds, “i always have been kid, but now i know that too.” marvin opens her arms for a hug and jason falls into his mother’s arms (reluctantly, but marvin wouldn’t have him any other way.) 

over a year and a half after act 1; marvin is out to herself, cordelia, charlotte, and jason. trina, mendel, her boss and a few coworkers must know too but none of them have brought it up and she won't either. she's very happy but she misses whizzer a lot and things are overall very good for her. a lot of growth has been done and there have been a few encounters with people but she avoids most of them by not going out late (she doesn’t want to anyways, the lesbian wine nights are much better) 

marvin has been going to jason’s baseball games since the season has started and she really hates them because it’s so boring and also cause all the other members of jason’s cheer squad seem to be invested in the game. whizzer shows up one day and for a second she hardly recognizes her. they haven’t changed in appearance much, but whizzer has been known to use makeup to exaggerate certain features of his depending on the day and today is no different. whizzer looks hot. incredibly so. and marvin wants to surround herself with whizzer. 

whizzer on the other hand knew that marvin was probably going to be at jason’s game. the kid hadn’t hidden it when he offered whizzer to join him, and whizzer was hesitant but ultimately couldn’t say no to him. they spent 2 hours getting themselves ready for the game. but he convinced herself that she was going to go to support jason first and foremost, and also to show marvin how good they were without her. whizzer was not expecting marvin to be fully presenting as a woman, instead he pictured marvin with deep eyebags, stupidly short hair, and the least flattering sweatshirt they’ve seen in her life. instead whizzer saw a woman, saw marvin. and really, it was already over for them. 

then they’re happy and nothing bad happens even though im thinking about them being really involved in the aids crisis in protests and stuff i honestly think that marvin’s self discovery ends here and i think im better suited to write one shots of them being happy then grasping for ideas that i can’t explain as well as i could. but yeah! 2765 words of self discovery YIPPEE hope you enjoyed i love them so much my god

[phanfictioncatalogue]

2k Word Fics Masterlist

and I'm still yours (ao3) - ShiwiSins (IetjeSiobhan)

Summary: There is something so damn sexy about a man who can take care of things. Who can take care of Dan.

Or: Phil does their taxes. Dan would rather he'd do him.

As You Please (ao3) - worriedpeach (skeletonflowers)

Summary: In which Dan ruins the mood during sex. Except he doesn't.

basically he’s gay (ao3) - waveydnp

Summary: dan posts his video and phil has a lot of feelings about it. they both do.

cat got your tongue? (ao3) - megiaolf

Summary: A near wholesome cat cafe au.

close your eyes, wish for me (ao3) - queerofcups

Summary: In every universe, they are together. Also, there are werewolves.

endings are like beginnings (ao3) - wiccamoody

Summary: Dan wakes up in the post-coming out universe.

falling into lava (for a second, forever) (ao3) - jonsaremembers

Summary: Dan did a thing and Phil's so proud of him.

Feels Right (ao3) - philforscale

Summary: Dan proposes.

he's his mother's son after all (ao3) - watergator (orphan_account)

Summary: dan visits phil's family on mother's day whilst feeling depressed

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways (ao3) - outphan

Summary: Dan is feeling insecure, so Phil decides to show him that he is perfect.

Kaleidoscope (ao3) - danisnotinteresting

Summary: A fan makes up a rumour about Dan which turns out to be true, he assumes Phil must of leaked this and becomes very distraught.

Little Black Box (ao3) - hygge

Summary: While packing up their apartment before they move into their new home, Dan finds something hiding in Phil's suitcase that makes him question what he wants out of their relationship.

melt your headaches, call it home (ao3) - SylvesterLester

Summary: Even if he tried, Phil couldn't really stop himself.

More than 2 and a half weeks (ao3) - natigail

Summary: The night before Dan leaves for the American leg of his tour, Phil pulled him into shooting a video and then he pulled him into his arms.

one night stand (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Dan meets a stranger in a bar during after one of his shows on the We're All Doomed tour.

Past Meeting the Present (ao3) - philsmeatylegss

Summary: Discovery and discussion of past challenges

Phome is where the heart is (ao3) - blossomsphan

Summary: dan and phil go shopping at target while in Seattle for tit. they’re feeling festive for the season and a little sappy bc, well, duh 🧡

place your head on my beating heart (ao3) - lesbaurinkos (pluginbaby)

Summary: slow dances in the kitchen of the forever home

sensitive (ao3) - intoapuddle, jestbee

Summary: "Do you like it?" Phil asks again. He doesn't know why he wants to hear Dan say it, but he does.

"I like it," Dan nods, tipping his back to bare his neck to Phil's teeth.

Shuffle My Board (ao3) - danisnotonfire

Summary: What happens after a game of shuffleboard gets unbelievably horny? The winner gets to fuck the loser.

Talking to the Moon (ao3) - uptownsteve

Summary: After a risque photoshoot, Phil wants to show Dan just how beautiful he is

"that's what makeup is for!" (ao3) - latenightfanfic

Summary: dnp finally have a night alone to themselves in a hotel after a few drinks after being cooped up in a tour bus.

The Anniversary (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: It is fifteen years to the day since Dan's suicide attempt, and Phil endeavours to make the day as normal as possible.

The Box Under the Bed (ao3) - Nefertiti1052 (Succubusphan)

Summary: Dan is a guy with a plan but when his idea goes sour he finds other ways to pass the time.

Or how Dan found Phil's secret box and was caught red-handed.

The Masked Man (ao3) - cosmic_angel_writes

Summary: There’s many break ins going around town. Dan’s house might just be next.

the perfect first date (ao3) - pasteldanhowells

Summary: Phil takes Dan out on his first date.

Together Like This (ao3) - iihappydaysii

Summary: Dan has always liked the idea of a sexy outfit in bed and Phil knows it

Twirling in Tulle (ao3) - intoapuddle

Summary: Dan wears a skirt. Phil gets stupidly horny. Bon appetite.

Uncle Dan (ao3) - Ragopamplina

Summary: Dan is a Lester. He knows it, but still, he enjoys little reminders.

Want (ao3) - yoidnp

Summary: It was a rare night alone in a hotel room away from the confines of the tour bus. Dan and Phil discover a few things about each other.

welcome, love (ao3) - angelmichelangelo

Summary: coming out isn't easy, but it's a little less shit when you're surrounded with family

wheel of luck (ao3) - plasticheart

Summary: phil is an over caffeinated ra. dan plays the keyboard until the study rooms close.

wherever you stray i follow (ao3) - calvinahobbes

Summary: Dan brings Phil with him to therapy.

you drive me crazy when your hands start to wander (ao3) - t_hens

Summary: Phil has a surprise for Dan to show him how much he appreciated Dan’s Halloween costume

your love is my drug (ao3) - antiadvil

Summary: Phil wakes up with a migraine.

[varlaisvea]

OC posting some more

OC: Araszha-dar (ESO)

(nicknamed Ara, later Arch-Mage Araszha-ko)

Appearance: Cathay-raht, dark silver fur with pale, "roguishly unruly" silver hair. Gold eyes. One of those people who is objectively attractive and knows it; so handsome, so punchable.

(Sorry, I have no real visual references for him. All I’ve drawn is this ~spicy art, which isn’t a great reference. But, as one of my ESO characters provided the body model for that drawing, I've included a few screenshots of him in this post.)

Araszha-dar (as portrayed by my Nightblade healer, Bree'zango) in his hometown, Riverhold. His family's house is in the back center. Breezy here has the 'subtle serval' skin markings—Ara doesn't, but i forgot to turn them off for this pic. whoops. I don't really have a 'default' outfit for him, but when he’s not wearing formal mages’ robes, he typically wears utilitarian clothes that are suitable for stealth and easy to move around in. But also, obviously, anything he wears must be stylish—for him, that usually means tight/form-fitting and a lil foppy.

Personality: Ara has the sort of personality you'd expect from someone with a -dar at the end of their name: clever, charming, inscrutable, almost certainly lying to you. He’s the sort of person who is irritatingly naturally good at anything they care enough to be good at, but doesn't care about that many things. He's well-read, having spent his youth with not much to do but read, fight in the resistance, and help take care of his siblings (+ eat hot chip and lie). Since he was a toddler, his family has said about him, you cannot spell 'drama' without 'ara'. He loves Khajiiti history and knows a ton about the aqueducts of Northern Elsweyr.

He uses he/him pronouns and (usually) the masculine form of his name. (Dar'araszha, the gender-neutral form, feels sludgy in the mouth, he says.) Otherwise, he almost never refers to himself using gendered terms, eg he and his loved ones use child, sibling, and spouse rather than son, brother, and husband when speaking about him. He occasionally uses 'Araszha-daro' (she/her) to refer to aspects of his personality, and as Arch-Mage, he uses the feminine -ko for his formal title.

“You do seem like more of an Araszha-ko.”  “I thought so too,” he said. “All of this one’s best teachers of magic either go by -ko, or would if they were Khajiit. We all like to pay homage to our heroes, yes?” He gestured to me to sit on the bench next to his desk, which he had just cleared of books. “However, Araszha’s name-title of choice will always be -dar. Especially here in Winterhold.” -Prashal, Khajiit adept, College of Winterhold, from a journal entry

Ara is very proud of his heritage and proud of Khajiiti history. He's from Riverhold, so speaks a more northern dialect of Ta'agra-flavored Tamrielic, most notably meaning that he often (though not always) refers to himself as 'this one' and very occasionally uses his name + third person. (See my unnecessarily detailed post about 'this one'—tl;dr, a northern accent for Khajiit is sort of like a southern accent in the US—unfairly associated with ignorance and lack of sophistication due to racism, classism, etc.) He is typically unwilling to drop his northern dialect to speak more "proper" Tamrielic, although he's perfectly capable of doing so. He makes a point to use Ta'agra terms for proper nouns whenever applicable (ie, Ne Quin-al, Pa'alatiin, Boethra, S'rendarr, Molagh, Nirni, etc.).

He's more culturally religious than spiritually so. He references the Moons a normal amount (ie a lot) and takes the 'little bit of everything' approach to deities that most Khajiit do, sometimes referencing the post-Riddle'thar pantheon (the Khajiiti versions of the Aedra) and frequently referring to the 'good Daedra', especially Mafala. Because he's got a soft spot for Mafala, he's also a Vivec fan, but probably not in a way Vekh would appreciate... more in the way one is a fan of deliciously gay and awful villains. (He thinks Vivec is 'more catlike than many Khajiiti gods'.)

Background: Ara’s parents never married, but by all accounts were very in love, and had seven children together—Ara’s the middle child, with three older brothers and three younger sisters. His father (Dohalim), who was born Baandari, was killed when Ara was young, in the Imperial occupation of Riverhold that occurred during the Knahaten flu. A few years after Dohalim's death, Ara's mother (Zhanna) married a friend from her youth (Issi-ko), who became a second mother to Ara and his siblings.

Finally when Hali was old enough to start learning magic, I got up the nerve to ask Mother why Araszha could not. I was barely a teenager; I remember bursting into tears when I finally put it into words. I had harbored this wish for years—I felt so much shame, having gleaned that I was not supposed to know clan-magic, but never knowing why. Mother was perplexed, but she understood that something deeper than feeling left-out was happening to her Araszha. She hugged me and apologized—she said that the clan-magic is typically passed down mother-to-daughter, so she had not thought to teach me, but she also had not known I’d wanted to learn. Ask for what you want, Ara-ja, Mother said, make someone tell you no. I will never forget it—that much-needed lesson shifted something in my mind. The very next day, Halima and I had our first magic lesson along with Palya and Erisi. - Araszha-dar, memoirs about his life as a mage

Ara actually wasn't great at the clan-magic, but discovered during that study that he was a very powerful siphoning mage. His mother did not know much about siphoning, but she helped him learn to control it, and told him he'd need formal study—maybe the College of Winterhold. Ara's stepmother Issi-ko is a curator at the House of Histories in Riverhold, and after the flu (during which pre-teen Ara was hustling to help send supplies to the south), Ara took an interest in stolen Khajiiti antiquities. He began researching them at the libraries in the House of Histories and the Temple of the Purifying Moons, and then he and his brothers (oldest to youngest: Doshan, Elia, and Mika) would try to find and liberate them.

In Ara's twenties, Riverhold was once again occupied by Imperial sellswords. When that conflict began brewing, Ara began learning the claw dance Ziz Kurah in order to contribute to the 'rain of sand' defense of his hometown. He joined an elite assassins' guild, the Ziz Zhan, from which he had a lot of trouble extracting himself after the occupation ended in 2E 582. By his early 30s, he was still kind of on the run from the Zhan and had been vaguely planning to take his own life, but instead he impulsively enrolled at Winterhold College, having been convinced to do so by a couple of mer he was traveling with, including his future spouse/co-conspirator, Eymei.

They are helping him create his own course of study! Winterhold rarely rejects anyone, so long as they can demonstrate basic mystic competency, but to hear him tell the tale, Araszha-dar sleekly charmed the wizards of Winterhold into accepting such a blatantly unserious scoundrel. Of course, he glossed over the part where the faculty panel delayed their decision because they could not even find record of a siphoner as powerful as he is(!). They told him just what I told him shortly after meeting him, which is the same thing Hlanna and Vihk and Seeks and everyone else told him too: he must receive instruction for his own safety. I cannot imagine there was ever any real danger of Ara being turned away, but it sounds like a couple of the archmagi were still a bit apprehensive about admitting someone with skill they have very little experience with. “So, this one says, perhaps the school’s records would benefit from studying what Araszha can do?” He simply suggested to some of the most respected and learned mages in Tamriel that they all learn about siphoning magic along with him—and they agreed! Ah, it is nothing to one so sleek, yes? - Eymei Gwylanwe, agent of the Thalmor, journal entry during a brief visit to Winterhold College

A bunch of stuff happens that is currently up in the air, but a couple years later, Ara and Eymei sort-of-impulsively get married during a visit to the ruins of her family's home in Sunhold. This relationship, by the rules of Altmeri Praxes, is illegal, immoral, and repulsive, so they have to keep it a secret, although their families are lovingly supportive.

As he married into a psijic Elf family, he receives a varla pearl like Eymei's (see more about this on Eymei's post). The wedding coincidentally happened during a time of high mystic potency—a bloom of bioluminescent algae and plankton that happens mostly-anually around Sunhold. The Ayleids called the phenomenon Varlaisvea, and it was traditionally the time that psijic Elves would harvest their varla pearls, making Ara and Eymei's pearls even more powerful as they are bound to each other. The varla pearl becomes very important in Ara's magic, allowing him to become a highly skilled healer as a siphoning mage, when siphoning is typically primarily used as harmful magic. In the picture I drew, he wears his pearl in a necklace, but I've since changed that detail—now, he has the pearl set into a piece he found on one of the many delves he undertook in his youth: a strange intricate bracelet...

Later on, he becomes the first Khajiit Arch-Mage of Winterhold. At this time in history, Winterhold College is relatively newly-established, and has a reputation for being a place where experimentation, creativity, and independence are championed, in contrast to (for example) the Mages Guild and Shad Astula. Ara revives an old lapsed policy of teaching every student the basics of Restoration and Destruction magic regardless of their area of focus. Under his leadership, a clinic is opened up on the grounds of the College so that the people of Winterhold may have access to the College's skilled healers. Also, the College begins a program where student and faculty volunteers teach the basics of Restoration magic to anyone who wishes to learn, free of charge. These changes are popular with students, residents of Winterhold, and most of the faculty, but there is a small but vocal group of faculty who fear it will make the College less appealing to elite families (many of these same folks opposed the idea of a Khajiit Arch-Mage, too...). Still, under Ara's leadership, the College slowly begins to build the reputation it will have for well over a millennium—pride of the City of Winterhold, best place in Tamriel to learn Restoration magic, and staunchly committed to independent study of magic.

Arch-Mage Araszha-ko in his quarters at the College of Winterhold. This is the costume I used as the base for his outfit in the ~spicy art I linked to above.

During their time in Winterhold, Ara and Eymei learn about some threats to the College—to the reputation of the institution, the building itself, the city surrounding it, and to the independent study of magic in general. They soon learn that the threat goes far deeper than just Winterhold, and that they are hopelessly outgunned. They spend their tenure there gathering information, learning as much as they can, and plotting to outmaneuver an adversary with unlimited time and resources.

This part might change completely, but currently: over the course of their life together, Ara and Eymei learn ways to combine their magic. Ara becomes a legendary siphoner; the combination of their power gives him extraordinary ability to control and balance healing and withering magic. For Eymei, the combination of their power makes her an extremely powerful conduit for life-energy, and she is able to bring suffering people safely and peacefully to their rest through her connection to the Ehlnofey. Typically this is dangerous to do with mages and people otherwise imbued with mystic power, but Eymei is able to withstand the massive energy fluctuations that come with such an endeavor. At the end of Ara’s life, he asks Eymei to do him this mercy.

Uh, he's way more of a dick and a mess than this makes him seem. I guess you'll just have to read what i post about him!

I’ll probably change this post as things change? I must grudgingly admit, this was a useful exercise.

[boobersandstuff]

Bored so here are all of my solangelo head cannons:

• His favourite TV show is toh & arcane (he also LOVES gravity falls)

• Wears a gay pin everywhere and the first time a homophobic person yelled smth like "YOUR GOING TO HELL!" He got really triggered and scared by it but will stood up for him and punch the guy. After that will to comfort & help nico told him how to defend himself in situations like that. Every time afterwards he has a sick burn and slowly over time it stops bothering him and he feels even more confident about himself & his identity

• Nico as a gag gift bought the Sunshine care bear for will on his birthday before giving him a genuine heart warming gift, which was a note and vacation ticket to somewhere nice

• Will treats that care bear like his son

• Will is the number 1 dad EVER and apollo meets the coco puffs and at first didn't like them but slowly over time learns to loves them too

• When they inevitably get married, wills coin becomes nicos wedding ring and nicos ring gets an upgrade. On it incripted in the inside is "my sun, forever bright" and a small little vine design leading to a sun charm next to the skull. On nicos ring there's a star on it and inside it saids "my star, twinkle bright even when it's dark out"

• Nicos wedding outfit is so black, Goth & androgynous, on their way home someone misgenders nico as a women

• NICO HAS FRECKLES ON HIS NOSE WHILE WILL HAS FRECKLES IN HIS CHEEKS! AND WHEN HE GLOWS THEY LOOK LIKE STARS!!!

• Nico wears a lot of stars & space imagery post-tsats because I said so lol

• Post-tsats nico starts expiramenting with his gender. Starting out with eye-liner that will accsedently walked into, sending nico into an embarssed flustered mess but will just laughed and helped him out as best he can. When nico eventually told me about wanting to expirament with his gender presentation, will was more than supportive & helped him out quite a bit.

• Nico is a gay man, demiboy, and acesexual, sex repulsed

• Will is a bisexual, cisman and also ace because fuck it, why not

• They never have sex, like ever, even as adults. They didn't realise this wasn't the norm until percabeth told them and they were like "Wait what? What do you mean? Yes it is?" And then they were like "WHAT!? HUU!? EWW WHY???? NOOOO!!" Rapid google search later, realisation that there's a term for it

• They adopt a cat from a shelter and call him "evergreen" but will only uses the stupidest of nicknames for him

• Both autistic & adhd because I said so

• Nico & will both have the minecraft autism but nico love building a cottage core base & picking flowers, while will loves making redstone contraptions and speedrunning the game

• Nicos favourite youtubers are, jaidenanimations, grian, and Kurt's conner

• Nico gets a slight hyper fixation on anything & everything queer for about month and that's how he learns about everything with that stuff

• Had a favourite plushie that uses to comfort himself. He's embarrassed by it but will never teases him about it and is supportive of him

• Nico loves animated movies and is an mcu fan

• They have a vacation to Australia, because mobsters don't regenerate down there (because our flowera & fauna is already so dangerous that they don't bother.) They go to all the popular areas and such and they come to tassje and I meet them (GUYS ITS REAL! IM NOT DELULU I SWEAR!)

• Will is pretty sappy but nico is sappier

• All the people calling solangelo "cringe" & "cheesey" are only calling them that because it's two boys. If percabeth did the same things solangelo did people would be all over it and would never call them "cringe" or "cheesey"

• Will loves folk-ish & metal music while nico loves all the popular pop girlies & 80's music

• Nicos favourite character in mouthwashing is anya & becomes obsessed with her for about 3 months

• Will can't sing at all but nico has the voice of an angel (pun intended)

• Will can only draw stick figures and bad anime art while nico is amazing drawer

• Will is traditional artist and nico is digital artist

• Nico doesn't like stupid memes & brainrot and will loves to tease nico with them

• Attended a pride march at least once in NYC with all of their friends (percy, annabeth, Reyna, hazel, ect.) It's a core memory for nico because that was the day he truly felt proud of himself and stopped worrying about what people think. The day his internalised homophobia died. They all had a nice meal at a restaurant and the meal he eats there is what ambrosia tastes like for him after that day.

• It's also one of the first times he was so open with his love for will. He didn't hide anything, he was open and proud. Always holding his hand, always kissing him. It's also the day where he learnt that he wasn't alone, that he was never alone. He learnt percy & annabeth are bi, and that reynas aroace. Hazels still straight but amazing ally!

• Nico hates crying in front of people, but the only people he feels comfortable to cry infront of are will, hazel, and Jason. (And maybe Reyna too.)

[yullalightk]

SMG4 Episode Review: The Mario PC virus💻️

I know I'm late to the hype train and I'm sorry about that! but at least I was able to get this out this week! So, let's get started!

Anyways, here's how it'll go:

I'll explain what I liked and noticed about some scenes in the new episode. And at the bottom there will be a screenshot of a scene I liked or found interesting in the new episode but in gl2.

I liked smg4 going insane over his project being perfect. I mean sure, I would've liked him changing his ways and actually improve as a character, but It shows how realistic the show and the characters are! Even in some scenes it can be random.

-Side note: I wonder if the show will focus on the mistakes that smg4 and the crew made? It'll be an interesting arc for the characters tbh..

Anyway I'm getting distracted!!

This pirate outfit looks really cool, and I hope to see the crew wearing different outfits in other episodes!

This was my reaction to everything that's happening in smg4's computer.. rip that poor file📁

Also like, am I the only one that thought the virus designs looked really cool? I mean look at 'em! I might be going crazy but I just thought their designs looked neat!✨

Now here's what interested me..

In my AU that I'm working on smg4 is kind of worse? in a way. And this shows that side of him a little, not giving people (Or in this case a Buddy) a chance.

I was surprised to see Bonzi Buddy as well! felt bad for him during this episode.

-My reaction to Bonzi Buddy's story.

I know he was sort of a threat in this episode but you can't help but feel bad for him! Plus, he wasn't the one who caused the chaotic war that happened in smg4's pc so... is he really the bad guy?

Here's where the chaos happens!

I was happy to see him then he was crushed and I thought he wouldn't come back in the episode, but then he came back!

Annd he got taken out by the viruses, like what the hell man!? Bring my favorite Italian back😂 I missed him for a good while.

Ayo hold up- wait a minute- smg4.. what's that on your file???👀

I'm not that big in the smg34 ship but, does he have a thing for 3 or....

Swag! you old son of a gun!! your back! wait- what the hell do you mean by a missile Swag?

Anyway... after smg4 plugged the USB, ohoho boy, it's about to go down!! This fight scene was epic as hell! it was beautifully animated and ya'll, I think I'm in love..

DUDE HOLY HECK!! I LOVE THEM AND EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SCENE SM IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE AAAAA!!!!!!!!!- *Cough* excuse me but like- I love them your honor✋️I'M A SIMP WHOOOOO!!!!!!!- *COUGH* Crap!

Like goddamn! Chris was already awesome and I loved the fight scene sm!! I know this was unintentional but, their fighting styles really spoke out to me. Chris fights in a more stealthy way and is focused and taking it seriously the entire time. Doing his mission which I respect!

But Swag? he's having fun doing this, there's no way he was taking any of this seriously!!😂 He was jumping all over the place, they're such polar opposites that I love them for it!

I really thought the whole Creeper rap song was play the entire time ngl..

Seriously though.. he's got some moves, DAMN! Sonic you got a great husband! GFY! (Good For You!)

These scenes made me emotional- this was like an hour and a half movie.

-Basically Entroric and Puzzles' relationship in a nutshell.

Also, I ship them now your honor.💍 they are married gays.

I wasn't expecting a scene like this so this really surprised me in so many ways I cannot describe.

I wonder if this is tied to WOTFI 2025.. I might be think too deeply on that part but, still, you can't deny it's an interesting thought.

Holy crap what's gonna happen now.. will Buddy be a new enemy for smg4? Is something bad gonna happen? how will this episode end!?-

Oh wait nvm.. he just threw everything away! and Buddy's never gonna return so, throw all of my theories and thoughts out of the window!!

-Conclusion-

I liked this episode as well. And It felt like an actual movie when I first watched it.

I'm pretty sure smg4 will continue showing signs that he's still connected to IGBP somehow so, I'll wait until the next episode.

Though I will say, Swag and Chris were the highlights of this episode! good work to Luke and the team!! this was an another banger of an episode!

Also here's the scene I made in gl2!:

Tysm for making it this far!! I hope this was worth the wait and I hope you all enjoyed this review and found it informative as well!

Also, my review posts will probably change overtime until I find my style so, bare with me on this.

[girldragongizzard]

Chapter 18: How I stopped worrying and learned to love the shoe

I’m not supposed to tell anyone this, but I spent all Sunday, the Equinox, sitting in Rhoda’s apartment, listening to her tell me stories about her son.

I’m not sure why she’s self conscious about that, but I’m sure she has her reasons, and I can keep quiet until she gives me permission.

It’s Monday morning now, and I’m quietly showing off while talking to Rhoda in the coffee shop.

It’s interesting to see who still recognizes me.

It’s bizarre that they can. But it was also bizarre that my dracomorphosis didn’t make me unrecognizable, either.

This time, it’s probably my amber colored slitted eyes, and the conspicuous nature of my outfit.

“Meghan! That’s impressive,” Tom says on his way through the lobby.

Amy nudges me with her elbow and says, “Hot.”

Their dog, Cody, still stares at me intently through the door, calm but attendant to me specifically.

Gary comes in to sit down to a super gay hot chocolate, with extra rainbow sprinkles, and a bacon cinnamon roll, and he smiles and waves.

The Kims had no trouble at all, either. And gushed about my “haircut” because they thought it was funny to put it that way.

Rhoda watches all of this with her tea near her face, shaking her head, and mutters, “This is interesting.”

I put my drink down and pick up my tablet, using my thumbs to quickly type out, “I feel like royalty even though I know I’m not. I don’t believe in royalty.”

“Meg,” Rhoda says, lowering her forehead in my direction. “You are wearing a damn tiara. You’re supposed to feel like a princess when you do that. I know I do.”

“You have a tiara?” I ask.

“Yes,” Rhoda says. “Every self respecting woman should. Sometimes it helps you clean. You can order yourself about with true authority. But mostly it’s for my birthday.” She waves a hand, “Costume pieces are easy to come by. Good ones are cheaper than you might think.”

I nod.

“If you can’t hide your eyes with magic, you might want sunglasses or contacts, for hiding that you’re a dragon, I think,” Rhoda suggests, drinking her tea. “I can imagine a few situations where that might be desirable.”

I nod a little more vigorously.

She smirks, “Nevermind the rest of the outfit.”

I stick my tongue out, closing my eyes, then take a sip of my drink, pinky outward because I can do it.

There are always tells, but it’s still a pretty good disguise. It lets me do at least a few things even easier than Chapman’s pendant does.

My tongue is still forked and quite sensitive, by the way, and I find I’m wondering if I can sense Chapman’s shifts when I’m like this.

Narrowing my eyes, I send hir an SMS, “Scan me!”

Seconds later I feel the shift.

“Oh, woah,” comes the response.

“I felt that,” I reply.

“I’ll have to scan you some more. Can I? May I? I think I can learn from you, maybe,” Chapman sends back.

“Yes,” I reply, simply. “Later.”

“Sweet! Back to work.”

“What’s that all about?” Rhoda asks.

I look at her thoughtfully, thinking about our last day of conversations and the last thing she said to Ptarmigan and Chapman. She’s here. She’s showing herself. She’s claiming her space. But she’s still not happy with the Artists.

“Mm,” she says, twisting her mouth up and to the side.

“I want to help people like Kimberly,” I say. “And people like Molly who can’t be themselves by going out into the wild.”

She nods, looking down into her tea, and says, “Fair. Just, be careful, please.”

As she says that, we both notice a police SUV roll slowly by the shop, and we watch it go together, our heads turning to track it. 

I wonder if, under the right light, my tapetum lucidum might glow. It’s daytime now, but I do have significantly better night vision than humans. And it would be cool if the cop driving that car looked into the shop at just the right moment to see two forward facing silvery slits of light following them, wide and alert.

Ah, that’s another drawback of this disguise. I feel half blind with my peripheral vision so restricted and impaired, and it does make me a little nervous and twitchy. I’m sure my head still moves like a lizard’s, like it usually does these days.

“I feel,” Rhoda says. “I don’t know why I feel this, but I feel like there’s another shoe about to drop. Like that hasn’t been happening for four weeks straight.” She shakes her head, “I’m so tired, Meg. So, so tired.”

“I know,” I reply. Then, after a tentative thought, I say, “Maybe you should hunker down while I go drop the next shoe.”

“I feel like you just did that,” Rhoda scowls, referring to my impromptu training session with Wentin. “I think that’s why I feel like there’s going to be another one. They come in twos.”

“Then it’s my shoe and I should drop it,” I point out.

“Please don’t,” she says, burying her face in her cup for a moment. Then, lifting it, she says, “The daily published your letter this morning. I read it before coming down here. It’s good. I think they didn’t edit it. Because it’s good. Keep doing that kind of good, Meg.”

“It’s not direct action,” I say.

“The world takes all kinds of action, Meg,” Rhoda reminds me. “And so far, every time anyone takes direct action regarding you dragons, it turns out disastrous. That singing you did on Thursday night was stunning. It was the best thing to do. But look at how rattled the city still is. Look at everyone. It’s been a whole weekend and a half and we’re all so exhausted and jumpy. Still.”

“Yeah.”

“You know what you should do?” Rhoda says, leaning forward with as much energy as she can muster. “You should have another interview with the Mayor, like this. Like you are right now. With as much press as you can summon.”

I tilt my head.

“You’re obviously still a dragon, if anybody pays attention. You’re obviously you, if anybody knows you. Mayor Chisholm will recognize you and call you by name,” Rhoda explains. “And if you can show people this new thing that dragons can do, I think that could change everything.”

I sigh.

“I might be the only one who can do it,” I respond. “And I don’t want to give the trick away to Säure.”

“Oh, that Säure. He’s a bogeyman! Everyone’s afraid of him,” she waves her hand. “Look. If he is your mortal enemy, think about it. Remember how your purse was found on the rooftop and turned into lost and found, and everything was in it? Do you think your mortal enemy would leave it there like that unexamined?”

She pauses to watch me lower my head in thought and acknowledgement.

“Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe his henchpeople were stupid or something. Negligent. But you’ve gotta consider that he left your purse seemingly untouched to make you think that, and make you careless. So that he could confirm his suspicions about that pendant. Because that pendant is conspicuous as all fuck, Meg. It has that oversized chain, the big venus symbol, and the markings all over the back of it. It doesn’t take an Artist these days to think it’s something weird and special.”

Shit, she’s right. But.

“Still don’t want to tip my hand,” I say.

“No,” she dismisses me. “Keep thinking about it. Follow me here. You appear before the press with the Mayor wearing this disguise. But you keep the pendant. He doesn’t know exactly what it does, but he sees you doing something that looks like you’re using it! And then he makes a move. Maybe we haven’t heard from him and his goons because he’s waiting for something like that. Assuming he’s that evil in the first place – what am I saying, he’s a billionaire. Anyway! You see where I’m going with this?”

I nod slowly, looking down at my tablet, trying to think of something I might say besides, “You’re right. This is a good idea.”

“It’s a direct action, but a sneaky and subtle one,” she says. “And you prompt him to take the less subtle move, and this time you’re ready. You’ve got two Artists, God bless them, and yourself, and however many dragons who are loyal to you now. And you’ve got your magic.”

“I am supposed to train with Wentin more,” I say.

She nods and says, “Then you do that. Take your time. Prepare yourself. Do it right. But not too long, because the election is coming up, and the Mayor and everyone else watching Fairport, could probably use an actual boost from you.”

“Okay,” I say with my syrinx.

“And then, when it’s all done,” she says. “I want nothing more to do with Chapman and Ptarmigan. I’m sorry. That’s a boundary.”

Shit.

I feel I shouldn’t push her. I’ve done an awful lot of listening the past day, and I understand way better where she’s coming from and why she’s helping me out, why she’s attached herself to me despite my inhumanity. More importantly, I know why her soul hurts so much, or at least the parts she felt she needed to share. And she thanked me for being such a good listener when she needed it most.

But I want to understand something. And I want to at least try to plant a seed in her head that this boundary might be unnecessary.

I think I want to keep Ptarmigan in my life as much as I refuse to drop Chapman at this point. But I don’t want to lose Rhoda.

And, also, I don’t think any of this will be over all that soon. We need each other.

But I at least want to understand what she’s thinking about this one point. So a good question should be OK.

“Rhoda? Why is it different for you to help me than it is for Chapman and Ptarmigan to help us?” I take the tenacity to ask.

“Oh, Meg,” she says. And stays silent for several breaths, just looking at the floor a ways away and blinking. Then she moves herself a little and says, glancing at me, “Me helping you is like an old dog who’s had four litters and survived all her pups helping an old woman. The dog’s maybe got a couple of years left in her, and the old woman has a whole other dog’s lifetime ahead of her. But here, now, during the dog’s life, she can help, and the old woman needs it. And they make each other happy. The old woman gets something that helps her continue with her life, and move onto the next stage of what she needs to do in the world. And the old dog gets the best years of her life at the end, when she needs it most. It’s a good trade.”

A single tear rolls down her face, and she furiously brushes it aside. I know that’s for her son.

“But with Chapman and Ptarmigan helping us? That’s like a couple of scientists trying to help a couple of ants. Talking to the ants with pheromones that they think they know what they mean, but do they really understand us?” She looks more directly at me. “They can tell us things we think we want to hear. They can do amazing things that neither of us can, and they live so much longer than we do. So, so much longer. What’s their actual language, Meg? How do we even hope to comprehend it? And telling them to fuck off isn’t going to work. They think they know better. All we can do is try to walk away. And keep trying. Until we’re out from under their scope. And for them, what’s a matter of curiosity is for us a matter of survival.”

I pick up my tablet again to type something, but pause as she shakes her head.

“It’s just the way it is,” Rhoda says. “Same as for you as it is for me. Even with the things you can do, I reckon. Gotta assume it. I hear the way they talk about you.”

“Rhoda,” I say with my syrinx.

She seems to notice I didn’t use my tablet, and sits up straighter and looks at me, “Yes, Meg?”

I type into my tablet, “They are immortal beings. I am a myth. They know me now. I will live longer than they do.”

Her jaw drops open.

“What was that, Meg?” Kimberly asks from behind the bar.

“I am the child of humanity, and you have spoken my name to immortals, and they will pass me on to their children,” I say, hitting talk every couple of sentences. “I know I can be hurt. And I think I can be killed, many times. I am no god. I am just a dragon. But a dragon is a story. And so long as I am told, though I may change with time, I will persist. And I think I’ve just learned that I might see the end of the universe.”

“What?” Kim asks, and the both of them come out from behind the bar and over to our table.

“Let me hear your stories and take them with me,” I say. “You are my family, and I don’t want to lose you.”

Then I hand the tablet to the Kims so that they can read my words, keeping my eyes on Rhoda.

That, actually, was the other shoe.

And, I make sure it’s dropped. I end up explaining it a couple different ways.

At one point, I think I end up saying,”I'm not real.” 

I'm pretty heavily dissociated myself by then, though, so I'm not sure.

—

I feel weird.

If I’m being honest, I didn’t think I’d see my fiftieth birthday. And when I did, I then didn’t think I’d see my fifty-first. It had been a long line of a couple decades worth of years like that.

That suicidal, and that fatalistic. Especially with the way national politics have been going back and forth like a couple of cowboys whipping the shit out of each other and everything around them. Weird metaphor, but it came to me for some reason. It feels right.

It’s a common experience amongst neurodivergent trans people. Especially those of us that remain closeted like I was.

Every year got worse. I don’t really know why I held on so long to that closet door. It was a damn stupid move.

I started growing my beard in late middle school, and I never shaved it. Ever.

Other trans girls will know what that means.

By last month, I was feeling already dead many times over. I was barely a husk of a person. I haven’t spoken or written about that much because I really have to work to remember any of it, and I don’t like dredging it up. Not even now.

It’s easier to remember my childhood, before puberty. Back when I first knew I was a dragon and thought I understood what I meant. And, wow. OK. I might have actually been closer to getting it back then than I was in college, though I couldn’t have explained it. In college, I’d developed a theory that is closer to this, but I didn’t believe it.

When I was a kid, I just knew what I could do. Or should be able to do. And I bragged a hell of a lot. But I had no idea what was in store for me.

Why should I be so lucky?

I’m not.

That’s like asking the sun why it’s so lucky. Or a comet. Or a rock on the beach that has a nice sparkle to it.

Why is it a rock, and not you?

It’s just a feature of my existence that I got to think I was kind of sort of a human for the first fifty years of… it might be just this life.

I don’t know how old I actually am, because I don’t have any memories of before this life. And I may never get them back. But I’m pretty sure that the story I come from, the story that I am, is older than this physical vessel, and it will last longer.

It’s like believing in your own immortal soul.

A lot of humans do that. And they might be right to. I personally kind of feel like they are, though I’m not going to guess at what the nature of it is.

Right now, I’m a dragon that can fly, breathe some fire a bit more often than she realized, and who can kind of sort of disguise herself as human. And also, convince some other dragons to respect her for some reason. And get hurt. And die repeatedly, I’m pretty sure.

There might be a few more things I can do besides that.

And maybe with the help of a couple of Artist friends, I might be able to stay connected with my story more reliably now, and keep my memories for longer.

I’m not sending this to any newspapers or anybody. I don’t think they’d get it. It wouldn’t be useful. I might put it in one of my books, in the right spot.

No. I don’t want to protest too much, though.

That would be disingenuous.

It’s just kind of a really big mind fuck to go from thinking that you are a living, breathing, organic, mortal being for 50 years, who maybe wished she was something different, to learning that you’re a story.

And having the undeniable proof of it pulled right from out of your very own soul – or what you thought was your soul – by another story that’s almost certainly older, wiser, and considerably less brainwashed by humans than you.

Maybe, someday, humans will be ready to know this part about dragons.

First, let’s get your governments to start treating us all, humans and others alike, as people.

For all intents and purposes, for all the experience I have at my clawtips, I’m still a 50 year old disabled girl. I just happen to be disabled by dracomorphosis. And C-PTSD, still.

It’s going to take a lot of work that’s certainly beyond me alone to achieve.

I could, if I can find an employer that is super fucking chill, maybe hold down a job now. Gotta be free of triggers, though, and few jobs are.

And honestly, out of all of the stories in the world, it is pretty special that I get to drink coffee and worry about shit like that.

—

There's a certain point in life where when a real live dragon tells you, “No, I really am a dragon,” you tend to believe it.

Anyway, Rhoda takes that better than I expected. I hope.

Kim is looking at me weird, and Kimberly is shaking too much to operate the espresso machine, so they switch positions.

[affixjoy]

I ended 2023 with Star Trek III: The Search For Spock. New year new Spock? Is that anything?

Here are my thoughts:

Overall I liked it more than TMP but much less than WoK, which is obviously the best one of the bunch! The construction of the movie seemed pretty messy especially compared to WoK but there were a lot of interesting concepts that sort of made up for that for me!

Things I liked:

💫 Bones Bones Bones. That old cranky bastard is destined to be my favorite in every movie, isn’t he?

💫 I love him carrying around Spock’s katra, I love his confession that he’s missed him, I love that he looks old and tired. I love how bravely he goes to the katra transfer ritual. He’s just doing a lot in this movie!

💫 I said this in my WoK post and I’ll probably say it for every movie, I just adore seeing these characters get older. I love seeing how their bodies and faces change with time. I’m in my mid 30s (which I know isn’t that old!) and I’ve been spending a lot of time lately thinking about aging and friendship and family and death so this aspect of Trek is really resonating with me.

💫 It wouldn’t be a fight scene if Kirk didn’t launch himself at his enemies like some kind of deranged cat.

💫 More Sulu!!! One thing that surprised me in TOS was how little of characters like Uhura and Sulu there was. Thrilled to see them in the movies being their awesome selves.

💫 and speaking of, I loved Uhura here. Her scene where she forces that little brat into the closet is perfection.

💫 Folks, if you don’t like Spirk shipping this is the wrong place for you to be. I love how sad Kirk is about Spock for most of this movie, and how happy he is to get him back. Look at that smile 😭

💫 They’re in love and no one can tell me otherwise. A man doesn’t blow up his beloved ship and lose his son for a coworker.

💫 Uniforms were a mixed bag here, and how I felt about them went up and down quite a lot! Initially I hated the little purple blouse Kirk wears, but once he took the jacket off and I saw the sleeves + those pants? Hello, yes, great outfit. Man looks like he’s going to Halloween as a gay little pirate and I have no complaints. I can’t find a great picture of it so just extrapolate what you can from this gif.

💫 I loved the mind meld scene. It felt so full of grief for them both.

And honestly there isn’t really a good way to sum up what I didn’t like about it. It just wasn’t a great movie! It was fine, and as you can see I did enjoy a lot of it! But it didn’t flow well for me.

I’m looking forward to more Star Trek in 2024!

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

To loose everything

It's been a while.

Gosh I've always hated that jerk, with his smug face and the way he talks like he knows anything. Bad luck, there was a time when I needed him desperately, because he was the only one who wanted to help me.

Oh, how awful were these times.

"So, how has it been, Soren ?"

I grit my teeth. Don't act like you don't know, bastard.

"Very good, Klaus, thank you."

I shouldn't be angry at him. He saved my life countless times. But he's a reminder. See, that's the problem with memories, they stick. They never stop haunting you.

"Amicable as always, I see", he let out with a smile.

"Cut the crap. Why did you want to meet today ?"

He sighs. We're sitted inside a bar, i think it's called the Lost River or something like that, and it's already noon. This day has been improductive as always.

It's been, what, six years ? Fuck, how old am I ? I can't remember for shit. I think I'm twenty three, so yeah, six years since my child died.

Even thinking about it makes me want to puke.

"I want to make sure you're doing good. It's been a while since you stopped answering our messages. Weren't we a band ?"

"Oh please, as if you've ever needed a singer while you've got Kaspar and his angelic voice."

Yeah, maybe i've fantasized a tiny bit on Kaspar, in my prime. Or all the group, for what it's worth. Unfortunately, they're all gay, and I've had my fair share of heartbrakes.

Starting with mister catholic right here.

"Soren, I..."

"You pay ?"

His eyebrows raise themselves, but he let out a frustrated sigh, and nods. I feel a tiny smile get to my face, and immediately start asking for something stronger. Better.

I need to be at least completely drunk to enjoy something, these days.

"Soren, we need to talk."

"Can't hear you. Get a megaphone or something, man, you're too calm."

I know what boils under the surface of this guy. I know all of his fantasies, for, a long time ago, we shared them. Just like we shared anything else, because I thought I could be loved. For something. Because I thought there was no pity in those fucking eyes.

He's not calm. And I just want to see him lose his composure, for a second at least.

"You left us on read for two years, Soren. Why did you accept this invitation in particular ?"

"Well, I just want to see my old comrades perform. It's your last concert before Christmas, mh ?"

I take a look at the bartender. A cute guy, a bit too...pink for me. It's that I'm not without colors, far from it. Glowy lipstick, provocative outfits, cute faces, big smiles, I am the perfect bitch. And bitches go with taciturn guys.

Not, but this one, he looks like....Fuck, is it homophobe ? He looks gay, and nobody would ever mistake me for a guy. Not that I would like that.

I'm putting no efforts, why should I expect ?

"It is."

"Well, show me what you've got. Because, apparently, now Kaspar can sing."

How many times did I tell you, Klaus ? That my voice was awful, that it was me who repulsed the public. Now you do just fine without me, proving me, again, right.

But no one will admit it. Ever.

He frowns.

"I wanted to apologize, Soren."

"It's two years too late."

Fuck i'm getting thirsty. I need to drink, again. I want to forget.

It's the lucidity I fear most. This moment where I need to look into my son's eyes and see they must have been eaten a while ago.

"I'm serious, Soren. I...acted like a jerk."

I remember everything.

The sighs.

The touch.

The feeling.

The name. The wrong name.

Drink. Drink more.

The pink-haired guy look at me. What is that, pity, again ? Go fuck yourself.

"But you also have to apologize. I deserve everything you threw at me. Every insult and every furniture. Not them."

He looks determined. He looks almost mature. Little Klaus, and his little thesis, mister genius, mister know-it-all. Little fucker who's going to get what he asked for.

"I owe nothing. To none of you. Understood ?"

"You do. Kaspar still has regrets. Heck, Dobromiev-"

"Does he know ?"

"What ?"

"Does he know, Klaus ? Does Dobromiev know ? Here, let me repeat it slowly. Does. He. Know ?"

"Of...what ?"

I let a large, savage smile on my lips.

"That you almost jerked off to the vision of his sister, man ? That you mistook me for her ? Does he know ?"

He looks at me. In shock. In horror. But he still looks at me. He hasn't lowered his eyes.

"What, you think I've forgotten ? I can accept a lot of things, Klaus. I can accept violence, but you were smooth. I can accept insults but you were talking well. I can even accept being forced, but you convinced me. But i will never, ever, accept being someone else."

He breathes out. Slowly.

"You're finished ?" he asks.

"In fact, I am."

I stand up, almost trip and throw myself against the floor. My determination is the only thing that keeps me from doing so. Instead, I go back to the door from which I came.

"Thought you wanted to watch the performance ?" he snarls.

"Fuck you !"

I know it's not his fault.

Feelings cannot be controlled.

It wasn't particularly wrong. I've met my fair share of people, had sex with at least half of them. On this scale, he's not awful. Not even a pervert.

But I loved him.

And I think that's what hurts the most.

I feel his eyes on me.

I know he's not angry.

I know he's worried.

I know i'm peing petty.

I don't care.

How dare you, Klaus ? How dare you look at me like that ?

You saved my life and now you make me want to die.

We're the day after. I'm still hungover. My head hurts so much. I don't know whose house it is. I don't know whose bed it is.

A sound. From my phone. I grab it, hear a groan. Sorry, fucker, i already paid the night, at least let me take a look at my...

It's Klaus.

I'm sorry, Soren. I just wanted to make amends. For you, for the others.

I look at those words.

The discussion from this night comes back.

That, and the feeling of my womb getting bigger and bigger.

Can we at least try ? To be friends again ?

Friends.

Yeah. I'd like that.

But I'm a coward.

So, just like during the last two years, I will leave this message on read.