#i love messy complicated relationships thank u

[nereidprinc3ss]

do you believe me now? | 4

in which spencer reid and inexperienced fem!reader are interrupted at the most inopportune of times. he calls you on the first night of his case. dirty talk turns into a hard conversation. we get a glimpse into spencer's past, and we finally learn why he's so hesitant to sleep with you.

series masterlist

18+ (smut) warnings/tags: dirty talk, phone sex/mutual masturbation, softdom!spence, obligatory he talks u through it, lots of graphic discussions of sex, established relationship, angst (sorrryyy!) a/n: so remember how i said you'd need the bonus chapter to fully appreciate/understand this part? i was wrong!! it will come in handy probably in the next part tho:) also idk how these parts keep getting so long im sorry! anyway, i love you all so bad. thank you for bearing w/ my craziness. PLEASE let me know your thoughts on this part!! i adore hearing from you!! kisses

(also special thank you to @fliesforeyes who convinced me phone sex w/ spence could be done!! i will link his phone sex blurb here :)) thank u binx!!

“Three million six hundred eighty four thousand three hundred thirty two times fourteen million seven hundred sixty one thousand nine hundred seventy one.”

You’ve lost count of how many stupid math questions you’ve asked your human calculator boyfriend, just to see if he can actually do them. Spencer is silent for a second, and you think you’ve finally stumped him. 

“That one is complicated.”

You sit bolt upright in his bed, looking down at him and pointing an accusatory finger. His brows raise at the manic look in your eye. 

“You don’t know.”

“I do know. I meant it would be hard to explain if you aren’t a math person.”

“Bullshit!” You scoff, “you don’t know!”

“It would display on a calculator as five-point-three-eight-eight-E-thirteen. It’s a really big number.”

“Oh, really big, huh?” you mumble, searching for your phone blindly in the sheets and scrambling to open the calculator app. “Um… what numbers did I say?”

Spencer repeats them back to you and you press the equals sign. 

You look at it. 

And then you set your phone down. 

“I was right, huh?” he smiles up at you, probably reveling in your pouty wrongness. 

Too proud to admit it, you collapse on top of him, burying your face in his shoulder. 

“I don’t like this game anymore. What the fuck even is an e? Why are we doing algebra?”

Spencer laughs, brushing your hair aside. 

“The e stands for exponent. It’s to the power of ten.”

“Ever heard of a rhetorical question?”

“Yes, I have.”

It’s hard not to snort even at his dumbest jokes. 

“You’re annoying. Let’s do something else.”

You roll over onto your back again, letting your head flop over to look at Spencer, whose hair is exactly the right amount of messy after a long day, falling in impossibly soft waves over the perfect lines and contours of his face. Despite lounging, he’s still in his suit from work—he’d left Quantico and immediately picked you up. There were no solid plans for the evening, so after both of you pretended that you wanted to go out for a while, you ended up back at his apartment. 

He looks good. Almost too good. 

“Something like what?” he smiles lazily, reaching over and tracing his fingers over your cheek. 

“Something… naked?”

His grin widens and he shakes his head. 

“Me naked or you naked?”

Pretending to think about it, you roll your bottom lip between your teeth. 

“Mm… why not both?”

“Hm. Why do I feel like I know where this is going?”

The mattress sinks underneath your elbow as you prop yourself up, dropping your head over Spencer’s to kiss him. 

“Because you’re so smart, and you think it’s a great idea.”

He entertains your kiss for a moment. Just a moment.

“You sound sure of yourself.”

“Because I am!” You finally give in to your impulses, tangling your fingers in his hair and looking at him meaningfully. “It doesn’t make any sense for us to have not had sex. I don’t care about any of your weird, cryptic moral reasoning.”

He grabs your wrist carefully. 

“It is not moral,” he scoffs. “We haven’t even talked about it yet.”

“Really? Because I feel like we’ve talked about it a lot.” 

He begins to reply, but you realize you don’t want to get into a debate over whether you’ve technically talked about it yet. “I don’t even care! If that’s all that’s standing in your way, then let’s talk about it. Right now.”

Spencer sighs, his eyes darting between yours as he reaches up to cradle your cheek. 

“Fine. But I have things to say you’re not going to like.”

“So business as usual?”

He rolls his eyes. You allow yourself a tiny self-satisfied smirk, forever relishing in his poorly-hidden soft spot for your constant teasing. Spencer ignores this. Which is probably for the best. 

“I know you probably won’t see it this way, but—sex is different than everything else we’ve done so far. It can be really fun, obviously it feels good, it facilitates deeper feelings of connection—that’s all true. Which is why, in my opinion, it’s incredibly important that you be selective with who you sleep with. Because it’s so easy to do something you regret, and sex is vulnerable. It should always be with someone you trust and—and… care about.”

A pink flush stains his cheeks like watercolor as he stumbles over the last few words. It makes your heart flutter against the confines of your chest.

Maybe best not to think about the absence versus presence of certain four-letter words and what they may or may not mean. You’ll move on to more pressing matters and pretend like it doesn’t ache just a little in your whole body. 

You cover his hand with your own. 

“Are you going to break up with me anytime soon?”

Spencer’s eyes widen, filling with genuine horror and confusion. 

“What? No!”

“Are you going to cheat on me?”

“Absolutely not, I—”

“Then I’m not going to regret it. Issue resolved. Moving on.”

“Honey, I just want you to be 100% sure that I’m what you want.”

“Oh my god,” you groan, flopping onto your back once more. “I have begged you to sleep with me on multiple occasions. We have been dating for months and I liked you even longer before that. I think about it literally every time I see you. I don’t know how to be any surer.”

It’s quiet for a moment as you study the imaginary pattern on the ceiling. The rebuttal you’d been anticipating doesn’t come—instead, the mattress shifts next to you. Spencer enters your field of vision, now leaning over you with a little smile on his face that gives you butterflies. 

“Every time?”

“…yes, every time,” you agree, voice considerably thinner than it had been a moment ago. Spencer glances at your lips as he speaks. 

“Interesting. And what is it that you think about exactly?”

You groan again, attempting to roll facedown, but he pins your shoulder to the bed. The way he’s sweetly kissing down your cheek and jaw is infuriating because you know it’s a false pretense. 

“Ugh, I don’t know! Don’t make me answer that!”

“You said if talking about it was all that was standing in my way, we would talk about it. Now I want to talk about it. Come on,” he says, voice low and cloying against your throat as he attempts to tease the answer out of you. “Tell me what you think about when you think about us having sex.”

You let out a shaky breath at the feeling of his lips skimming your neck, hating how easily he can reduce you to this. 

“I… I always wonder what it will feel like. Sometimes I wonder if it will hurt.”

Spencer sighs, interrogation by way of seduction momentarily forgotten. You silently curse yourself for saying something so un-sexy. 

“It might, sweetheart. That’s one of the reasons we’ve held back. I… really don’t want to hurt you. I don’t even know if I can.”

You grab his face in both hands, forcing him to look at you with more confidence than you feel. 

“Sometimes I worry about it, too. But I like you a lot more than it scares me. I still want to.”

He kisses your palm. 

“You’ll be okay. It doesn’t hurt for everyone, and even if it does, you’re resilient.”

“Exactly. So you have to get over yourself.”

Spencer laughs like he wasn’t expecting to, eyes sparkling as he regards you.  

“Yeah. Yeah, maybe I do.”

He’s smiling again as he leans down and kisses you—a slow, lingering thing which tastes like spearmint as you part your lips for him. 

“Please?” you whisper against him after a long moment. He hums, keeps kissing you. 

“What is it that you think you want? You don’t even know what you’re asking for.”

“Tell me,” you beg, chasing his lips. “Tell me what you’re going to do with me. We can talk about it. This is talking about it.”

Spencer exhales deeply, wedging a thigh between yours. Immediately you clamp around it, trying not to grind against him too overtly. 

“You want to know what I’d do to you?”

“Yes—” you paw at his jacket. Surprisingly, he doesn’t stop you from pushing it off. Your heart pounds. 

“Well… we both know how anxious you get,” he muses, pressing his lips so delicately to your fluttering pulse-point in emphasis, and then back to your mouth. His thigh pushes harder against you to supplant the absence of his lips as he speaks, though he kisses you sporadically and between sentences. “You’re hard to get out of your head when you’re nervous, you know that? I watch it happen. One minute you’re with me, and then you start overthinking, and getting self-conscious. The only thing that seems to relax you is letting me touch you—so first I would touch you like I’ve touched you before. I’d make sure you know how pretty you are and how good you deserve to feel.” You whimper inadvertently at his words, arching into him and grinding against his leg as he pauses to kiss the sensitive soft spot below your jaw. “You’re going to need to be really ready to let me in. Do you know what I mean by that?”

As he asks, he pushes his thigh against you harder. Your body responds immediately, arching into him and seeking more friction. When you squeak, he takes it as a no. 

“I mean I need you relaxed and wet. You’ll excuse my crude language.”

You pull at his tie, breathing heavier now and so turned on it’s almost painful. 

“What are you gonna do after that?”

“What else is there to do but fuck you after that?” he breathes. “You want me to tell you how I’d fuck you?”

Something about it makes you whine salaciously. You’ve heard him curse—you’ve even heard him talk about fucking you. But it feels more real now; when it’s low in your ear and you’re covertly undressing him and he’s pushing your shirt over your stomach promisingly. 

“Yes, please.” 

He hums against your jaw, nipping and brushing his lips over the skin as he considers. Leaves you waiting. 

“I would have to take my time with you. You’ll be overwhelmed. I know you think you won’t, but you will. I’m going to have to be so, so careful with you, angel. It’s going to drive me insane. But it will feel good for you.”

“Why careful? I don’t want that.”

He chuckles. A chill runs down your spine. 

“Yeah, you do. You’re going to want me to be careful when I’m—” he pauses, pressing his thumb to your bare lower tummy and dragging up to a spot below your belly button. He presses down lightly again. “Right here. Approximately.”

The surface of the sun has nothing on the temperature of your skin in this moment, as you writhe underneath him in both arousal and embarrassment. Mostly, burning need. You feel almost sick with it. 

“Please don’t make me wait anymore. Just do it, please, Spencer. I need it to be you, I don’t want it to be anyone else. I promise I’m ready.”

It’s silent for a moment. Your heart quickens. You sense his walls wearing away, his instinct to keep you intact for god knows what reason crumbling. He’s finally going to give you what you’ve been begging for. 

Spencer opens his mouth, eyes glimmering—

And then his phone rings. 

You both freeze—he melts dejectedly before you do, more accustomed to an ill-timed phone call and realizing the finality it can present. 

He’s breathing heavily against your neck, as if maybe whoever it is will just hang up. But the phone keeps ringing. 

“I’m sorry.”

Your stomach sinks as he sits up, grabbing his phone from the side table and rubbing circles on your inner thigh as he answers.

“This is Reid,” he says, lackluster. 

If you wanted, you could hear what Penelope is saying—but you don’t bother listening. It’s going to be a case. Spencer is about to leave. The details are his problem. 

“Okay. I’ll be there in an hour.”

He hangs up, tossing the phone onto the mattress and not speaking for a moment, just continuing to rub your leg apologetically. Watching you almost mournfully—taking in your disheveled hair, your likely blown-out pupils, the shirt pushed almost over your chest. 

“I have to go right now,” he finally manages with a heavy sigh, gently pulling your shirt back into place. 

You sit up, shedding all the hopes that had been building for the evening, and try to sound chipper—though all you feel is bitter disappointment that goes deeper than you understand. 

“I know. Go ahead, I can get a cab home.”

He frowns, running his hand over the back of your hair. 

“I don’t love the idea of you standing on the sidewalk waiting for a car in this part of town so late. Do you just want to stay here for the night and go home tomorrow?”

You force a smile. Great. So you’ll be spending the night in his bed after all—just without him. 

“Sure. Thanks.”

“Yeah.”

Neither of you are feeling particularly grateful. 

Soon you’re walking him to his own door. Both of you come to a stop in front. 

“I’m sorry,” he sighs again. 

“Spencer, it’s fine. It’s your job. You don’t need to apologize. You were very clear about this part when we started dating.”

“I know, but… it’s easier in theory than in practice.”

You smile. If Spencer is a reflection of you, it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. His hair is still messy from your fingers running through it and he’s missing his tie. You hope all his coworkers see and feel bad about taking him away from you. 

But it’s not their fault. You just want someone to blame. 

Instead you mould yourself to his body, wrapping around him like you belong there. He returns your embrace, pressing his lips into the crook of your shoulder and rubbing your back in that way he always does with you. 

In that moment, your affection for him becomes so profound it’s like a chemical reaction—everywhere he touches burns and you love him so fucking much it aches in every inch of your body the way your muscles do when you have a bad fever. Love is the most terrible of afflictions, you realize. It is a fever dream. It’s every fiber of your being screaming to tell him how you feel, to beg him on your knees not to go because you love him like a child loves a parent or a bee loves honeysuckle or the ocean loves the horizon. Pared down to your most basic components, the barest version of yourself, you require him. Your soul needs his soul. 

“Spencer?”

“Hm?” 

It’s nothing more than an absentminded hum against your skin. 

“I…”

Should you be looking him in the eye when you say this? Should you say it right before he has to leave? Just because you say it doesn’t change the fact that he’s about to be gone for several long days. Maybe this is a terrible time to admit something that suddenly feels so true and so consequential. 

He senses your internal conflict, pulling back despite your resistance and holding your face between his hands. 

“You what?” He murmurs, soft eyes bouncing back and forth between your own. Fuck—you feel so observed, now. Like he can read your mind. 

“I forget.”

FUUUUUUCK. 

Spencer blinks. Processes. You watch the disbelief crystallizing over his eyes like ice freezing over a lake. 

He knows. 

He knows you didn’t forget, and he probably knows what you were going to say, and he’s going to tell himself he was wrong to spare your dignity. 

Everything hurts when he kisses you. You wonder what regret tastes like. 

“Well, let me know if you remember.”

It’s too gentle and at the same time he can’t hide the edge with all the tenderness in the world. You nod as if in a trance, already looking forward to dissociating as you lie in bed and stare at the dark ceiling.

Two small goodbyes are exchanged, slightly stifled now, as if shared between drunk strangers who have sobered up and are mutually embarrassed about how candidly they’d interacted before. 

You close the door behind him, doing up all the locks, and meticulously flick every light switch in the apartment off before climbing into his bed—though you don’t really feel like you deserve to be there anymore.

But perhaps this is all an overreaction. It’s not like you owe it to him to say I love you, or anything—it was bad timing, anyway. And why can’t he say it? In fact, why hasn’t he said it? 

Maybe you have it all wrong. 

Maybe he doesn’t feel that way about you. 

You fall asleep before you allow these questions to make you sick. 

24 hours go by. 

24 hours go by and you really had meant to leave his apartment—it was just that you woke up late, and your phone was dead so you couldn’t call a car, so you charged it while you made breakfast, and then you ate, and then you decided to take a shower and wash your clothes, and then it was two in the afternoon and you hadn’t left yet and you decided to walk to the store and replenish the groceries you’d used up. 

Maybe you got a bit distracted looking at flowers and other beautiful things at the market and by the time you got home it was 5:00, so you decided to wait until seven to skip rush hour. And then eight, just to be sure. 

Before you know it, it’s midnight, and you’re dozing off in his bed again (teeth cleaned with the brush you’d bought at the store—maybe this whole situation hadn’t been entirely unwitting on your part.)

Throughout the day, you tried to let all your anxiety about the previous night melt away. If it’s something that needs to be addressed, Spencer will address it. Everything will work out in the end. That thought is how you’re able to doze off. 

You’re almost asleep when your phone lights up and begins buzzing on the side table. You wince as your eyes open, not adjusting well to the harsh bright display and unable to discern who’s even calling you at this hour. Stupidly, probably because you’re half asleep, you answer without checking. 

“Hello?”

Your voice is groggy, quiet with sleep. 

“Shit, did I wake you?”

“Spence?” you whisper, stomach flipping at the sound of his voice on the other line. You feel caught, still sleeping in his bed. 

“… yeah,” he chuckles. “Did you not check who was calling before you picked up?”

“I was asleep,” you pout. “Kinda.”

“Okay. Go back to sleep, honey. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

You sit bolt upright, phone balanced between tense fingers and speaking directly into the microphone. 

“No! No, I’m awake. What’s up? Why did you call?”

A longer stretch of silence—you’re too sleepy to comprehend what it might mean, though never too sleepy to worry about it. With a pang of pain, you recall your strange goodbye, the words you hadn’t said. 

“I just needed to hear your voice,” he sighs. You frown, staring at nothing in particular in the pitch black room. 

“Oh. Is everything okay?”

“As much as it can be.”

“Right.”

More quiet. You chew on the inside of your cheek, stricken with a sudden feeling of awkwardness that you haven’t had with Spencer in a while. 

“I’m sorry… I don’t really know what to say.”

“That’s okay,” he says, and you can hear the smile in his voice which makes you feel a bit better, “why don’t you tell me about your day? Or you can absolutely go back to sleep, if you’re too tired.”

“Don’t ask me about my day,” you whisper, flopping down on the bed once more. Shame seeps into your voice. He laughs. 

“What? Why?”

“Because if I tell you you’re going to think I’m super weird and you’re going to break up with me.”

Laughter tapers off into gentler tones. 

“I already think you’re super weird. It’s actually one of your most attractive qualities.”

Blood rushes to your cheeks. 

“But it’s like… borderline crazy.”

Immediately, he replies, “for better or worse, I also frequently find myself attracted to crazy.”

“Thank you for calling me crazy and super weird,” you grumble. 

“I also called you attractive twice. Tell me.”

When his tone takes on that easy, assertive quality, and it’s sort of raspy and low because it’s late and he’s been talking all day, and you can hear the lazy smile on his face—you imagine him laying on his hotel bed, arm slung over his eyes in the dark as he grins into the microphone—you have a very difficult time saying no. 

“Fine. Guess where I am right now.”

“Um, I would hope you’re in bed?”

You smile to yourself, basking in the victory of successfully throwing him off his game even slightly. 

“Guess whose bed.”

Silence. 

“What an interesting question.” That cocky smile, the low drawling is back, and you chew on your lip, ignoring the shiver that runs down your spine. “If it’s not mine or yours, we’re going to have issues.”

“But if it is yours? You’re not going to call the police on me?”

“Why would I call the police? To tell them there’s a pretty girl in my bed and I don’t want her there?”

“To tell them your psychopathic girlfriend broke into your apartment and might be holding hostages��there.”

Spencer laughs; a brittle, drawn out thing, flat and quiet as the desert.

“If you were a psychopath, calling the cops would be a waste of time. I would handle you myself.” The idea of being handled has your thighs clenching. “But—yeah, don’t invite anyone else in.” More humor finds its way into his voice, momentarily relieving some tension that had sneakily begun to build. “Having people in my space makes me anxious.”

“But not me?” Your whisper is half flirtatious, half insecure. Spencer’s reply is soft, as if he’s picking up on this from hundreds of miles away.

“No, not you. You are always the exception.”

“Good,” you say, cheeks aching as you half-bury your warm face into his pillow. “Because I made myself really comfortable. You have a nice shower, by the way.”

Spencer groans. 

“You’re killing me.”

“What? What did I do!”

“Don’t talk to me about my bed and my shower. I might start to think you’re intentionally being a brat.”

“You asked me about my day! I’m just telling you what I did!”

But you’re also intentional teasing him for sure.  After a pause, he sighs in defeat. 

“You’re right. I did do that. Tell me what else happened.”

“Well,” you begin, all too eager, “I had to put my clothes in the dryer after I got out, so I borrowed some of yours. But then they were way comfier than mine, so after I went to the store I put them back on, and—”

“Okay.”

“Okay what?” you frown. 

“Tell me what this is.”

“I—I don’t know what you mean.”

Lying to a profiler is usually pointless. 

“I’m not stupid, sweetheart. Tell me why you keep talking about my shower and my bed and my clothes.”

Caught red-handed. Your skin heats up. 

“I don’t know. I miss you.”

He hums in a way that blurs the line between sympathetic and patronizing. Even through the phone you can feel the bass of it in your bones.  It changes the frequency you’re vibrating at. It’s hypnotic. 

“But that’s not really why you’re being intentionally provocative, is it?”

“No,” you admit quietly. “I’m still upset you had to go last night.”

“So you’re frustrated and you’re taking it out on me?”

Your brow furrows. Well, when he puts it like that…

“I’m not taking anything out on you.”

“I think you are. And I don’t appreciate that, because I’m on your side, honey. Do you think I prefer being in a hotel bed by myself or being in my bed with you?”

Somehow, he makes you feel like a scolded child. But he makes it appealing in ways you don’t understand. 

“Your bed with me,” you murmur, skin prickling with the coldness of his absence even as you curl under the blanket. 

“Right. So why don’t you tell me what I can do for you right now, instead of punishing me for things that are beyond my control?”

“I wasn’t punishing you,” you mutter. 

“No? You weren’t intentionally talking about using my shower and sleeping in my bed and putting on my clothes so that I’d have to think about what I can’t have right now?”

“I—”

“Believe me when I tell you I have been thinking about what I can’t have, all day. Your efforts are entirely redundant and you can’t say anything about yourself that is even close to as dirty as the frankly disrespectful thoughts I’ve been having about you for seventeen hours.”

The lack of air is making you so dizzy your vision goes gray at the edges. 

“What… what thoughts?”

“None that you need to concern yourself with.”

“You can’t just say something like that and then not tell me!” you insist. He’s obviously giving you a taste of your own medicine and it’s fair but it doesn’t mean you have to like it. 

“I can do whatever I want,” Spencer corrects cooly in a way that pisses you off beyond belief because he’s right. It triggers some adolescent immaturity within you—a desire to get back at him, so to speak. He wants intentionally provocative? He can have it. 

“Fine. Then so can I. And there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it even if I could.”

“Spencer,” you warn. “If you don’t tell me what you were thinking I’m gonna—” you look around the room for ammo. “I’m gonna look through your nightstand!”

“Go ahead. I’ll warn you, it’s not very interesting.”

“Sounds like what someone who has something hide would say,” you mumble, crawling across the mattress through tangled sheets and using your phone flashlight to open the drawer. 

Spencer is patient and silent as you take in its contents—a small blue leather-bound notebook (full of what looks like Russian), a fountain pen, a glasses case, various kinds of vitamins, and—

“Spencer Reid,” you say, dragging out his name and pretending nothing is fluttering in your stomach, “what are these?”

“I don’t know. I can’t see what you’re referring to.”

“Take a wild guess.”

“Oh, I have one. But I’d like to hear you say it.”

You realize you may have gotten yourself in deeper than you meant to by going through his stuff. Well—they don’t say karma is a bitch for nothing. 

“What are you doing with a box of condoms?” 

He chuckles and you feel it in your whole body, warm as you stretch across his mattress and eye the box like it might jump out at you. 

“Those are years old. I’ve used three since I bought them.”

“Don’t tell me that,” you whine. “I don’t wanna think about all the other women you’ve seduced.”

“You wanted them to be for you, huh?” 

You flush. Honestly you hadn’t even thought about that. 

“I… I don’t know. I kind of just assumed…”

It’s silent for a second and you frown, realizing you hadn’t even considered protection when you’d imagined sleeping with him before. 

“You assumed what, honey?” he asks, voice soft. 

“It’s dumb. I can’t tell you.”

“You can tell me anything. I’m not going to think it’s dumb, I promise.”

You chew on your lip, letting your eyes unfocus on the box as you muster the courage to be honest. 

“Whenever I imagined it… we didn’t… use anything.”

The words make you cringe even as you’re saying them. So does the quiet that follows. 

“When you imagine us sleeping together, we don’t use a condom?”

“Ah!” The phone drops to the mattress as you cover your ears and roll onto your side, curling into yourself once more. “You didn’t have to say it! You make me sound so weird!”

“It’s not weird,” he laughs, because he can probably imagine exactly what you just did, “I just wanted to make sure I was understanding you. That said… we would definitely use protection.”

“Do we have to?”

The quiet words take even you by surprise—and they seem to stun Spencer as well. Several false starts are punctuated by a sigh as he gathers his thoughts. 

“We really should, baby. That’s the kind of thing we need to take seriously.”

“But you’re… you’re good, right?”

Thankfully he picks up on your meaning. 

“I am. I wouldn’t touch you if I weren’t.”

“And I’m good. So...”

“Hm. And has anyone ever explained to you where babies come from?”

You groan in frustration. 

“Spencer, I’m being serious! There are ways to negate that.”

“Honey,” he murmurs, “I understand that. But it would be irresponsible of me to say yes. We can talk about it in the future, but—”

“I’m telling you it’s already dealt with. The chances of an accidental pregnancy are slim to none.”

The new information hangs in the air for a moment until Spencer speaks—to your surprise, his voice is low and humorous. 

“That is… good to know. But even so—I’m setting a dangerous precedent if I always let you get exactly what you want.”

“Is it such a bad thing that I just wanna—I wanna know what it feels like? You don’t want that?”

“That’s not what I said. I want to know exactly what you feel like. I’m just hesitant to give in so quickly because it makes me look weak.”

You laugh breathlessly, caught between being turned on by the first part of his sentence and amused by the sarcastic second half. Your thighs clench and your hand absentmindedly wanders between them. 

“You know what I was thinking about?” you ask. Spencer hums curiously. “I was thinking about when you let me, um… when you let me touch you how you touch me.” He hums again, but you can hear the amused curve of a smile in it now.

“When you had your mouth all full of me and you looked so pretty?”

“When I—yeah,” you agree, too caught up to deny his compliment as your fingers brush your most sensitive spot through clothing. “And  how you got me all messy after. And I was wondering what it would feel like… inside me.”

He sucks in a breath. Your legs brush against each other and you twist slightly as you pretend like you’re not touching yourself just a little bit. 

“You want me to come inside you?”

“Yeah,” you whisper, brain short-circuiting at the way those words sound in his voice. 

—

On the other side of the line, Spencer isn’t doing a fantastic job of thinking clearly either. His dick is half-hard already and it’s only getting worse with each little noise you make that you don’t seem to realize you’re making. 

“Really? That would be very messy, baby. I’m surprised that’s what you want.”

“But I really want it,” you breathe. He’s not even looking as he slips his hand under the waistband of his pajamas and palms himself, his other hand rubbing tiredly over his face as his phone rests on his chest. This was not how he intended for this call to go, believe it or not—but he’s here now. 

“Yeah? Is that why you’re touching yourself right now?”

You go silent—which is more or less exactly the reaction Spencer had been expecting. Patiently he waits for you to deny it, in three, two—

“’M not.”

Now, he could explain how he knows that’s a lie. How your breathing pattern changed, and your voice got softer and airier, and how you started speaking with smaller words in fragmented sentences. But he doesn’t feel like explaining any of that. 

“I know that’s not true,” he murmurs. “You know what? It wasn’t fair to get you all worked up last night and then leave. I don’t want you frustrated, honey. I want you to do whatever you need to do.”

You make a little gasping noise, and Spencer can imagine the way your back would arch when you did it. His own hips buck slightly as his dick twitches under his fingers. 

“Where are you touching?”

“Um—over my clothes.”

Cute. 

“Go under them for me. Tell me how it feels when you’re touching yourself like that.”

It takes a moment, in which all he hears is the rustling of fabric, until you’re whispering, “feels… it feels good. I wish you were here.”

He inhales, freeing his cock and squeezing the base. 

“I know. Just listen to my voice, pretty. I’m right here.”

Spencer allows himself a few slow tugs as he imagines what’s happening in his bed. You make a squeaking noise, like a held-back moan, and his eyes screw shut. 

“I need them inside,” you whine, and he knows you’re referring to his fingers—the ones currently stroking his own leaking cock. 

“You can use your own, just give yourself a minute first. Remember what I said about needing to be ready?”

“I am ready—” judging by the surprised chirp you interrupt yourself with, you’ve proven yourself right. What surprises Spencer is the weak sound of disappointment you make next. “Spence, it doesn’t feel the same.”

“We’re different sizes, honey. Your hands aren’t as big as mine. But you can still make it feel good.” 

He almost says, 90% of the nerves in the vaginal canal are located in the lower third—in other words, within approximately 2.36 inches from the opening, which you can most certainly reach—but he refrains. He’s not sure if that’s good dirty talk. 

“You have a really sensitive spot about three inches up, right in front. It’s going to feel a little different than the rest of you when you touch it. I want you to try and find it for me, okay?”

“Okay,” you breathe, ever-eager to please even from a great distance. There’s a quiet moment. “I can’t—I don’t think I can r—oh,”

The moan is so pretty Spencer can’t help speeding up the motion of his hand, hissing slightly as his fingers brush against the angry tip with every pump. 

“Did you find it?”

“Yeah,” you whine, a weak, high-pitched thing. “Oh my god.”

“Be gentle,” he warns with some effort as his own hips jump slightly. “You’re really sensitive there. If you’re not careful you’ll make yourself sore.”

“I don’t care—holy shit—” the way your voice rises and tightens to a squeak at the end has Spencer moaning as he fucks his fist. A black hole forms and warps time, turning every minute into a second and every second into an infinity until he has no idea how much time is going by. He drags his thumb over the tip, smearing precum over his cock and whining as his jaw drops at the feeling. “Oh my god, Spencer,” in that same strained, high voice. “’M gonna—ah!”

He gets the general sentiment. 

“What, baby? You’re gonna make yourself come all over your fingers? Is that what you wanted to tell me?”

“Mhm!”

“Yeah, I bet you are. It feels good, huh?”

“Yes,” you cry. 

“See? You don’t need my fingers to feel good. Mine barely fit, you know that? I have to hold your fucking hips down whenever I put my fingers in you because you can’t stop squirming. I don’t know how you think you’re going to take my cock.”

“Spencer!” 

He knows. 

“Come, baby. Let me hear you.”

The delicate sounds you make as you bring yourself to orgasm tip him over the edge of his own—grunting as he comes all over his fist. 

“Jesus,” he strains under his breath, the word dragging out into two long syllables as his hips buck involuntarily and cum drips down his knuckles. He’s lightheaded and he’s created a mess and it all happened so quickly. “Fuck,” he breathes, a rasping chuckle as he reaches for the towel he’d dropped on the bed after his shower earlier. “You conscious over there?”

“I’m conscious,” you slur, breathing heavily. “I’ve never had an orgasm by myself before.”

“Are you proud of yourself?” Spencer smiles, wiping his hand off and making sure he’s otherwise clean. “You should be. I am.”

He’s barely kidding. 

“I’ll be proud when I can do it without your help,” you tease. 

“But I’ll always want to help you with that.” His already warm face flushes further as he goes over what he’d said. “Sorry I was so vulgar.”

You laugh. He blushes even more. 

“Are you? I think you secretly love being vulgar.”

“I don’t know why! I have no idea where it comes from. I would never speak that way in any other context. I should probably work on that. Sometimes I look back on the things I say and I’m genuinely appalled.”

“Well, don’t stop on my account. Personally I enjoy it.”

“Yeah, I think I’m corrupting you. You probably shouldn’t enjoy it.”

The truth of it weighs heavy on his mind, but he’s pretty sure his voice alone doesn’t betray that and you can’t sense it through the phone. 

“Oh, my god. Do not do that falling on your sword shit. I like being corrupted by you. If you stop I’ll be very upset.”

“Well god forbid you get upset,” he teases gently. Idly he wonders if the reason he’s suddenly feeling so depressed is because his cortisol levels were already high from the case, and then he jarred his system with an orgasm, spiking his dopamine and ultimately causing it to plummet without the oxytocin release that post-coital physical contact would usually provide. 

Or if it was something else. It could also be something else. 

For the millionth time, he wishes he was with you. Part of him also wants to go to sleep. But mostly he wishes he was with you. 

—

A comfortable silence settles over the conversation. In the ditch between words, you’re mapping constellations in the texture of Spencer’s ceiling. If you squeeze your eyes almost shut, you can imagine it really is the night sky. You can imagine he’s really here. 

You think about what he said—his apparently mindless vulgarity. Did it mean anything? Or was he just rambling to get you off?

“Spencer?” you murmur. 

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

He sounds earnest, perhaps a little tired, as he replies, “always,” through the little metal rectangle on your chest. He likes me and my questions are important to him, you repeat to yourself silently as you work up the strength. 

“If Penelope hadn’t called, last night… were you going to have sex with me?” 

Your lip tastes like his toothpaste as you chew it. Spencer sucks in a breath of air like he’s about to speak—and lets it fizzle out like foam on a carbonated drink. 

“I don’t know,” he finally admits, lamely. “That wasn’t my plan, but you can be extremely convincing when you want to be.”

“But why can’t it be your plan?” It’s an almost whine, pouty and childish—but the next words are quiet and pained. “Is it something I’m doing wrong?”

“No, no! It’s not you. You’re perfect. It’s—it’s complicated. It’s a me thing.”

Such trite words—such a ubiquitous, simple excuse sounds almost comical from his mouth when you know he’s capable of all the eloquence in the world. It’s not you, it’s me. It’s ridiculous. 

“Okay. Let me simplify this for you,” you begin with an uncharacteristic assertiveness that surprises even you. “I want to have sex with you. Either we are going to have sex or we’re not. So your future branches in two diverging paths. In one, we have sex, and then we keep having sex. In the other we never have sex ever. If you want to ever have the privilege of fucking me, then we just have to do it. Otherwise it simply will never happen. And I’m not eternally patient, Reid.”

Go me, you think, slightly breathless from your monologue. 

“Watch your mouth,” he says dryly. Something about the chastisement makes your stomach flip and your whole body tingle. “When you talk to me you call me Spencer. I will also accept Doctor Reid.” You wrestle down a smile, refusing to let him change the subject. A delayed sigh from him sobers up the conversation. “You know what I want. I’ve been very clear with you about that. But…”

“But…?”

Another sigh. A deeper, shuddering sigh, like his breath is searching for balance. Like Spencer is in a precarious position for which he was unprepared. 

“But—but to be completely honest… I worry that you’ll regret choosing me. And I know virginity is a social construct and I’m not implying that your worth will somehow be diminished if we have sex but regardless of my views on virginity as a construct, having sex for the first time can be weird and scary and it’s incredibly intimate and I don’t want you to regret your first time like I regret mine because you chose the wrong person.”

The words come at you so rapid-fire it takes you a moment to process them. And aside from all the ways you want to reassure him that you will not regret choosing him—that you could never, ever regret anything about him—one thing stands out. 

“You regret your first time?” 

Something between a scoff and a sigh travels through the line. You can tell he’s not annoyed at you for asking so much as he’s flustered himself with all his own words as he occasionally does. 

“Yeah. Yes. Sometimes I do. The person—she didn’t… like me as much as I liked her. And I was really, really in love with her, and she knew that and she knew she wasn’t in love with me—or maybe she was, I don’t know—but my point is, when one person likes the other more than the other person like them, things get complicated. And however you feel about me—that’s fine. It’s fine. I don’t want you to feel bad if we don’t feel exactly the same way about each other. I understand that this is newer for you, it’s different, I—I just don’t want us to do something we can’t undo because I don’t want to relive that. And I’m not saying it will never happen but I just don’t want you to make this choice when… when right now, I think we’re in different places emotionally. Regardless of that, I want you to choose the right person. I don’t want you to choose me and then find out that we feel differently after we sleep together and leave you feeling like you signed up for something you didn’t understand. I’m sorry. Maybe telling you this is selfish. But I’ve been thinking about it and trying to ignore it and I think I just have to be completely honest.”

Your ears ring like Spencer just fired a blank right into the microphone. Like you just got backhanded across the face and now you have the world’s worst case of whiplash. 

Every finger is numb and your blood is so cold it feels blue as it slithers thick through your veins. 

What you want to do is scream. What you want to do is go back to last night and stop yourself from almost telling him I love you, slap yourself and keep your cards a little closer to your chest. Because now he knows, and he doesn’t feel the same. 

You want to scream bloody murder. 

But when you try, when you unhinge your jaw and part your chapped lips and expect a bellow to come hurdling up the corridor of your throat with so much force it rattles your bones, all that falls out is a small, “oh.”

Maybe that’s worse. 

Spencer doesn’t reply. You hate yourself for feeling obliged to fill the silence. 

“I didn’t realize you…”

I didn’t realize that you don’t love me back. 

I didn’t realize I like you more than you like me. 

I didn’t realize you’d tell me to masturbate in your fucking bed and then drop this not even five minutes later. 

If Spencer Reid was able to talk to you over the phone with the same amount of affection and familiarity as always, like everything was still okay, knowing you love him and he doesn’t love you the whole time, he is not who you thought he was. 

“I’m sorry,” he lamely says again, like it could ever help. 

More silence. Now you can’t bring yourself to speak, so Spencer does. 

“I realize how awkward this is. I really didn’t mean to put you in this position. Especially not over the phone when I—god, I’m stupid. I’m sorry. But can we—can we talk about this in person when I get back? Please?”

Is that what grownups do? Is the proper etiquette for him to take you out to dinner and explain why he’s not in love with you? Is he going to break up with you?

What does one even wear to a breakup date?

“Okay,” you whisper. Your eyes sting, your everything stings, like you’ve been wrapped in a shroud of briar. Sheets that were soft a moment ago feel like sandpaper on open wounds. You feel like an open wound. 

Spencer sighs. It’s a sound of relief that confuses and hurts you even more. 

“Okay. I—okay. Thank you. Um—I’ll let you go back to sleep, now.”

“Okay,” you repeat—as if any of this were okay. But you can’t keep being that stupid girl who feels it all so much harder, who loves easily and begs to be loved in return, too naive to assume that someone who treats her so kindly might not reciprocate her feelings. It has to be okay, because if it’s not, you’re silly and dramatic and you’re just proving him right. 

“Goodnight,” Spencer whispers, and you can’t help but feeling that it’s the last time you’ll ever hear those words from his mouth while you’re in his bed. And he’s not even fucking here.

So you pull the blanket a little higher. You let your tears stain his pillow because they’ll be invisible by the morning. It will be like they were never here. Like you were never here. 

“Goodnight.”

-

part five

[ao3-top-batfam-ships-bracket]

SLADICK PROPAGANDA YOU SAY?

Sladick is the ultimate I think I wanna fuck that old man ship. Slade is a silver fox and the best assassin in the world, and Dick is the hot young hero vowing to stop him. They are the most versatile ship, the two who genuinely should hate each other but can’t seem to stay away. They can do everything.

You want messy complicated personal relationships? Slade blames Dick for his oldest son’s death even though it was an accident and he was attacking them, and Slade wasn’t a very good father anyway. But then Dick gets to blame Slade for killing one of Dick’s best friends who is Slade’s other son, and was possessed and basically begged Slade to put him out of his misery!!! They both have grounds to want to kill the other but how can you kill someone who loved and was loved by the person you love???? Dick literally starts a fight with Slade blaming him for Joey’s dead, Slade yells back that he loved Joey too and THROWS DICK INTO A CAR, and then goes u ok??? Did you hurt your back?? 🥺

But!! If you want something more flirtatious and fun, they also grow to respect each other and have a soft spot for each other. Once, Slade gets hired to kill Dick’s friend, so Dick goes up and offers him the same money, PLUS 50 CENTS, not to kill her. And Slade, the #1 mercenary in the world who never breaks his contracts, accepts the deal!!!! Basically Dick’s sugar daddy in that scene i s2g

One time, Slade told Dick to “prove” he’s a bad guy now (long story) by training Slade’s daughter in villainy. Dick spends all this time playing family with Slade and his teenager, and then breaks up the family in a super dramatic way by driving the daughter away towards being a hero. So Slade DROPS A NUKE ON DICK. Did someone ask for toxic yaoi???

Just in 2022, we got Slade (possessed by a bigger, darker bad), launching a war on the entire world. Dick beats him in a fight, but turns around to realize that all his friends are in bad positions; he asks Slade what it would take to save everyone else, and Slade letting Slade kill him. WHY? BECAUSE “YOU WERE ALWAYS THE TROPHY, GRAYSON. WHY WOULD I WASTE TIME ON ANYONE ELSE?” The ultimate enemies to lovers. That is a quote from a real comic page published on paper by DC Comics.

They even take the cake in any AU; bad guys win? Slade is gonna be the guy who saves Dick’s life, even when Dick might not want to be saved. Royalty in warring nations? Dick is the political hostage getting traded to save his nation. HS AU? Slade is the football coach trying to force gymnast Dick onto the team. I haven’t even touched on non canon stories like tt03!! Or Titans (2018 TV)!!! THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.

You're so right anon, thank you for submitting the propaganda.

[mazeinthemiroh]

hey!! idk if you’ve already done this but could u do something like skz as ex’s? cause i think chan would be the type of ex to be friends after the break up (unless you’ve done something really bad) and i’d like to know how you think the other members would be

- 🦭

stray kids as ex boyfriends

genre: headcanon; hurt, angst

word count: 1.3k

warnings: cursing, jeongin's hurt the most (gotta warn yall <///3 )

thank you for requesting! please like and reblog if you enjoy <3

bangchan

the friendly one

this is purely depending on circumstance because if you hurt him or any of his members in any way he's literally cutting you off and out of his life

but that is if the situation is severe

most of the time he likes ending on good, mutual terms if possible. he knows things aren't going to be completely the same or aren't going to be particularly smooth but he's willing to work past that

especially if you have been a good friend before dating each other

so he will make an effort to talk to you at social events if you're in the same friendship group. just a casual catch-up to see how you are doing

it might be hard seeing you without being able to be the same touchy, loving way he's used to. he feels he has to hold himself back quite a lot

i can see him being hurt if you have moved on and are in another relationship and he isn't

minho

the messy one

feelings are... complicated

and minho is too

he's a very intricately formed human being, filled with unpredictabilities and chaos, good and bad.

minho as an ex can be messy. you'll see him sometimes during social gatherings; he will avoid you most of the time, but occasionally interact with you as if you're his best friend

he'll be sarcastic and make snide remarks with that shit-eating grin on his face

sometimes he'll lure you back into his life, his heart

other times he wants to forget he's even known you

you guys are on and off and on again. the wannabe ross and rachel, if you will

but all of the craziness boils down to the fact that he misses you, more than he expected

and the only way to fill the hole in his heart that you left him is by chasing what you had together

changbin

the self-improvement one

changbin tries to move on as quickly as possible

he thinks it's healthier that way: no point in dwelling in the past when he knew he wasn't going to turn back to you

he needed to put the past behind him and focus on himself

which means a lot more working out, more than he had ever done before

eating healthier, going out more and with different people, making sure he had enough rest

his friends were worried, at first, that he would over-do it, perhaps burning himself out in order to deflect the feelings of loss you left him

but he's never felt better as he looks ahead rather than dwelling on what once was

still, there are moments, perhaps when he is alone, where he catches himself missing you. your laugh, your smile, your body to hold at night. yeah, he missed that a lot...

hyunjin

the one who's still in love

it would be hard for hyunjin to move on

whether you hurt him, or he hurt you, or you both end on good circumstances, he's not ready to leave you

life without you? well, up until now he hasn't even begun to imagine life without you. and why should he? he thought you'd be together forever

so now he's devastated, trying to forget you when really you never left his mind

oh and he'd write poetry about. lots and lots of poems about the heartbreak and the longing and everything in between. he's a wistful guy, and it's a way of coping with the loss of you

but it's not very... 'coping' of him. coping would require him slowly but surely moving on

but he doesn't do that

no. instead, he holds on to the memory of you and what could've been.

jisung

the one who keeps coming back

he knows he shouldn't, but he can't help it

oh he tries, but soon he finds himself staring at your number on his phone screen, tempted to drop you a text or even, at times, call you

it's weird. he thought he'd be fine after the breakup. he thought he would be able to have his moment to grieve and then move on

but if that was the case... why was he still thinking about you?

that's a question that tortured his mind to no end because he had absolutely no answer for it

he couldn't like deeper inside himself to realise he still, ultimately, has feelings for you

and so he always ends up coming back into your life, usually by accident

he calls it manifesting but is it really manifesting if its at the worst moments?

like when he bumped into at the supermarket, running on 0 hrs of sleep with eye bags bigger than his eyes. yeah, that wasn't a good day

but any chance he runs into you, there is a flicker of hope you could end up back together with him. so he will take all the chances life throws at him

felix

the sensitive one

similar to hyunjin only, perhaps, less severe

he cries over you often

and everything seems to remind him of you

sometimes he is okay. sometimes he is really okay. perhaps too okay. the members would look at him in surprise as he woke up one day, bubbly as ever. it's as if he hasn't been crying the whole week at all. nope. he's a new man now. and when he looks in the mirror, he gives himself a smile and a nod. "today is a new day and i'm happy."

and then a small thing will set him off all over again

perhaps he will find one of your hoodies that you lent him one night when he was cold. and he kept it because it smelt like you

but now, seeing this makes all his newfound positivity dissolve instantly. soon, he was grabbing the material of your hoodie and stuffing his face into it, sobbing his heart out

seungmin

the nonchalant one

he's the definition of unbothered

of course, it hurt at first to have to leave you, but it will all depend on the circumstances of the breakup

if you guys left each other on bad terms, he'd be a lot more bitter about it. he will most likely ignore you and make every attempt not to run into you because he just doesn't need that in his life

but if you guys are on good terms he is more likely to get over it quicker. that way, he isn't dwelling on the bad feelings and being wrapped up in his own negativity

rather, he has left that all behind and tried to be productive, focusing on himself

that way, if he happens to run into you again, he would probably feel indifferent

there is a sparkle of feeling that he misses. the feeling of familiarity that only you bring

but he hopes that most of his feelings are long gone noe

jeongin

the one that wants to forget

perhaps you were his first love

perhaps he thought that you'd end up together, forever

and ever

and ever.

perhaps he was a bit naive when it came to his approach to his relationship with you. he knew he shouldn't be thinking in such a rose-coloured, idealistic romantic way. he didn't think he'd feel like that at all. but you made his life infinitely better

and now you're gone. how is he supposed to cope?

he just wants to forget everything. forget his life with you. because if you weren't in his life anymore, what was the point?

its painful to reminisce so he makes a conscious effort not to dwell on the past

because once he does, he loses himself. the tears start to brim and flow down his cheek

if he didn't remember such happier times, it wouldn't be this hard

skz taglist: @hearts4sungie, @seokshineswiftie, @alyszaen, @jtrstp, @a-wandering-stay, @hyungenie5

[hyperactivewhore]

Ok soooo I love your opinions on The Originals and I want it for something I'm writing 🫣

Basically, how u think klaus would act if he gets interested in a OC with severe mental illness?? Specifically in my case a schizophrenic

And this will be a insecurity of her in their relationship

Hey! So I believe it depends, truth be told.

As far as I remember, Klaus isn't one to mock someone because of their illness, but we're also talking about Klaus, so I can't be really sure. I don't remember if Klaus actually interacted with someone with a confirmed mental illness aside from Aurora, but we all know he isn't exactly sane anyway.

Of course, if his interest in your ooc is romantic he'll obviously be kind about it, as long as your relationship is klamille and klaurora coded and not klaroline coded, because the one time Caroline actually needed comfort from Klaus he basically told her to go to hell. I think he would try to be supportive, and would specifically learn things about your ooc and her illness to make her as comfortable as possible, to try to not trigger her, and similar.

If this is an insecurity of hers, that would only amplify. Klaus isn't an easy person to love, he's complicated and messy and he's constantly reminded of that by family and people close to him, so he'd jump at any opportunity he has to remind her of his love for her if that insecurity is affecting their relationship or is potentially reason for a break up. I personally believe Klaus would worship the ground his s/o walks on, we all saw how he treated Camille and Aurora when their relationship wasn't rocky.

But if they do happen to get into a nasty fight or a particularly bad breakup, I can see bring him up her illness as a way to "mock" her or to try to belittle her, he kinda did it to Aurora and we all know how hurtful Klaus can be anyway.

Thank you for asking, and for loving my opinions! It's truly sweet from you to say it. Writing ooc's with mental illness is a challenge and I hope nothing I said came out offensive, you all know it's never my intention.

[forlix]

MOOT GAME: " make up a trope for your moots and their biases. doesn’t need to be romantic. can be crackfic/funny/anything you want ^ㅇ(๑>◡<๑)ㅇ^ "

omg how fun, thank u for sending this in nonnie !!! let me see...

@astraystayyh and hyunjin would have to be some 800k ao3 slow burn about forbidden love between royal families ... the grandest and most poetic of period drama romances that persists through backstabbing and betrayal and trial after tribulation. nothing less for my artistic soulmates

the first tropes to come to mind for @rachalixie and minho are literally just. not even really tropes. established relationship. domestic fluff. slice of life. they're That Couple. nobody remembers when they weren't together. they invite me over for dinner when i've had a bad day. mom and dad

@like-a-diamondinthesky and seungmin are the EPITOME of (fake) enemies to lovers. they're the sweetest, silliest, most sinister people and i just know their dynamic would be a dream come true for each other and a nightmare for everyone else

sue is just her "eighteen" mc in my head so @soobnny and seungmin scream best friends to lovers + college au to me. seung being the best cheerleader for her while she's crazy busy :') also she flusters v easily and i think he'd get a kick out of that (ik i do)

@luvtak and felix are giving childhood friends to lovers! the sort of relationship where they know each other better than they've ever known anything; really just the safest, warmest, and kindest of affections for the safest, warmest, and kindest of people

i'm gonna cheat again and hc @sunboki and chan as a trope from august's mafia au "korea's most wanted"; augs is so creative and badass and SEXY and so is the main couple's dynamic in that fic. chan's a lucky man. DITCH HIM FOR ME 🗣️

@txtxlz and jeongin would be a multipart messy love triangle ft. jealousy and pining and so much chaos bc haz has more biases than i have fingers or toes and i love love the idea of her favorite idols going to war over her. it's what my baby deserves fr

for @2baabbies and felix, i imagine perhaps a barista au or a librarian au (hehehehe) where he finds stupid excuses to come back and pick bae's brain every day because he's utterly enraptured by her. she has that effect on people and lix would NOT be immune

@starsandrqindrops and seungmin are so fwb-coded. think suffocating chemistry every time they interact. could cut the tension with a dull machete. then inevitably complications like Feelings come into play and they dance around each other for ages before finally giving in ... mm yes all that good stuff

last but not least, @hyunnie04 and hyunjin would be so perfect for an art school!au. mira is an incredible artist so i'm picturing these two sketching each other instead of paying attention in class ,,, gallery/museum dates ,,,, maybe a sprinkle of healthy competition who knows ,,,,

[gayeddieagenda]

please any wip you would like to talk about. ANYTHING

wow thank u i don't know what to do w/ all this freedom!!!

genuinely could not decide between a few fics but im going to talk about eddie + buck go to texas fic (not to be confused with eddie goes to texas fic ajsfkjas;flasj) (both of these r from my other list of wips)

it's a post-s7 fic, where at the end of the summer eddie gets the call that chris is ready to come home. eddie's going to go to texas to spend a week or so with his family and then take chris back with him and he asks buck if he'll come with him. the only complication is: in the months that chris was gone, buck and eddie got together.

buck and eddie's relationship is new-ish, but not brand new. they're in a good place, but eddie is still (of course!) dealing with the emotional fallout of his kid leaving and the fear of fucking things up again when he comes back, so eddie asks buck to come with him as just his friend. they aren't going to tell chris or his parents about their relationship, at least not yet.

it's a buck perspective fic. buck does not feel amazing about this decision, but it's hard to fight with eddie about it, and he does want to be there with him. eddie's romantic relationship(s) have already made his relationship with his son blow up once, so he's understandably wary about throwing this at chris out of nowhere. more than that, he's terrified that his parents will see eddie announcing that he's gay not as eddie finally starting to figure things out, but as just one more instability from eddie, one more reason not to trust him or his decisions.

it's super emotionally messy. eddie shows buck around the place he grew up and starts opening up about what it was like to be a kid there, his relationship with shannon, what it was like to come home to texas after the army and to leave it again. they catch back up with chris and trip over how this last few months have changed him, too. eddie and his parents butt heads. it's late summer in texas and eddie is scared and buck is in love.

this fic is also me writing a little too much about eddie's relationship with religion and with his parents - i had this feeling for a while that i couldn't really figure out how to relate to eddie's relationship with religion, bc i was raised christian but not catholic (i was raised something much more specific and weird <3). but somewhere in thinking about eddie diaz over the last few weeks i stumbled into this angle on it that's about eddie reckoning with the difference between the values his parents were espousing when they raised him (for ex, some degree of christian homophobia) vs how they act now (still christian; less didactic about it. replacing the tacit homophobia eddie was raised with with an it's fine!! of course we're cool with gay people!! let's not talk about it!! attitude that's almost as hard to navigate). spoiler alert, but eddie does end up coming out to them before the fic is over, and since the fic is from buck's perspective, it's a lot of buck trying to navigate how to be a good partner to eddie in this new relationship without being able to be open about the relationship, while eddie is struggling hard with what it means to be a good parent and his own resentments toward his parents

[ahbeduo]

REALLY?! U WANNA KNOW SUBJECT 2 HCS FROM LIL OLD ME?! HEHEHE I THOUGHT YOUD NEVER ASK!!!

I like to think his name is Dorian :3 leakers were digging in the files a while back and found out that the texture for his model is called “Dorian” so that’s where it came from. Dorian is Greek for “gift”, but also comes from the name Doerain, which means “wanderer” or “exile” which I think is sad but fitting LMAO. (Dorian is also in reference to Oscar Wilde’s novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray. If ur interested u should look into it, bc I’d butcher the summary lol)

I like to think that bros a more feral version of Albedo. Albedo is domesticated, Dorian is not HFHDH. He’s much easier to anger, but he wouldn’t put up a fight unless provoked or attacked first.

The reason…he was never trained in any kind of sword fighting style. He can swing a sword around but there’s a 1/99 chance that it would actually hurt someone.

I gave him a Cryo vision bc I mean. Just look at him. That pathetic little mess of a guy is the archetype for Cryo. I like to think he’s a catalyst user (and his best weapon is “Frostbearer” and he relies on it more than his sword hehe. Playstyle wise I’d make him scale off of ATK to contrast Albedo’s DEF scaling)

For his relationships, he prefers Klee’s more upbeat and bouncy nature. She doesn’t seem to mind that he’s not Albedo, and treats him like a brother regardless. He’d take her fishblasting any day <3

Albedo…he’s wary around. Even if they were to make up and all that, his vibe around would probably be very much the feeling you get when you go over to a friend’s house and you feel like you have to impress their parents in order to be allowed in. Does that make sense?? Basically he’s walking on eggshells even if Albedo tells him he’s fine LMAO

While he’s made his appearance a bit different from Albedo (red/maroon/black color scheme, hair either down on his shoulders or in a low and messy braid, and a little thinner than Albedo due to Albedo having built up muscle from sword-wielding), sometimes he switches back to Albedo’s form to mess with people. Specifically the Traveler. He’s a little prankster!!

Even tho he’s used to the cold, he loves warmth. U light up a fire and Dorian will sit so close his hair will singe at the edges. He also loves spicy food <3 (when he lived in Dragonspine he ate like. Unseasoned roasted meat and snow. So he craves any kind of flavor now)

I hc him as aro-ace, and also nonbinary for some fics I write :D I mostly do that just to differentiate between Albedo and him (I write him without a name sometimes so using the “he/him” pronouns twice over without stating who’s speaking is very complicated so I use “they/them” for ease of reading) but also bc I feel like. After 500 years of sleeping in poison dragon tummy soup, one would sort of dissociate from the whole gender thing.

Hehehehehe there u go there’s some hcs 👉👈 I love my little guy he’s so sad and I LOOOOOVE the angst potential with him. Lmk what u think :D

uwahhhh those are yummy, thank you for the snacks 😋

Idk what to say there, just know that your HCs are valid! Some of them, like how rocky his relationship with Albedo is, are something i do think of too! Like yeh they cool, but that doesn't erase the fact Albedo is the favourite child. And and and the fact he likes flavours like spicy- I think he doesn't like very sweet things either

[kwillow]

i do wanna emphasize they're ur guys and u should play toys with them however u want!! i find the narratives for ur characters so interesting and i love any tidbit i can get. so while 'oh how would this character deal with relationship stuff' is ofc interesting (im admittedly a romance enjoyer), it's far from the main thing for me when it comes to what i enjoy seeing from ur work. u probably don't need this, i don't wanna come across as patronizing lol, but i was reading u talking abt how u get so many romance asks and feel bad that it's not something u wanna prioritize, and i wanted to make sure u know that there's absolutely 100% an audience for like. the stuff that's messy/unpleasant/complicated/tied more closely to their narrative arc

Aw thank you, this is a kind message.

I can reach across the aisle to romance enjoyers like your fine self - it is interesting to think about how something like that could impact a character, and how they might conduct themselves. Ambroys, for instance, is a serial monogamist and I've had a fun time coming up with various past relationships for him to fill out his punch-card of bad decisions (not that I've shared much of them yet, ha). So I do get the appeal and I can have BIG THOUGHTS about it (obviously, from the walls of text I produce at the slightest provocation). BUT yes - messy/unpleasant/complicated is what usually interests me with characters and their narratives, not often the fluffy stuff. I'm happy that what I crank out in that vein can interest other people too!

[bropunzeling]

hello jess bropunzeling i am pulling an all nighter for my 15 hour flight and i was wondering if you could send some rat baby girl leon girl dad matthew vibes my way. thank u or sorry in advance

15 hour flight?!?!?!?!?! jfc. im so sorry. some important, not especially coherent and perhaps inconsistent with previously posted vibes for u:

i think in my drama-loving heart of hearts leon absolutely goes into labor while matthew is on a road trip with the team. he has to catch an early flight back and spends the whole time texting his mother-in-law for updates and then is on the phone in the cab to the hospital and fully the stereotype of frantic messy dad-to-be. just like can we please go faster my WIFE is having a BABY i need to BE THERE so she can BREAK MY FINGERS AND SWEAR AT ME

(in the meantime the team is like uh yeah personal emergency and the twitter speculation is wild. lots of examining matthew's twitter and insta for Clues)

they decide not to learn the baby's sex until it's born bc fun! a surprise! and it takes matthew 1 microsecond of looking at baby girl's big blue cranky eyes to fall deeply irreversibly in love

(somewhere in here is a big emotional moment about leon being kind of scared to have a girl bc she has a complicated relationship to/navigation of femininity and is scared she's gonna mess something up and they have hard yet loving conversations while sleep deprived out of their little gourds. also they are so enamored with the baby.)

matthew shows up when the team comes back home all exhausted and euphoric like no yeah all good thumbs up bags under eyes looking like he’s optimistically gotten four minutes of sleep

you know the guy at your work who has to show you baby pictures or talk about their kid's milestones every time you stop by their office to ask about something else. that's matthew.

as leon starts gearing up to make Her Comeback she brings baby girl with her to the rink so matthew can watch her while she's working out. their teammates, who by this point are like chucky please give it a REST re: baby pictures, have to admit that is one cute baby.

everyone gets a chance to hold the baby while leon is skating. the rookies are terrified of dropping her, less bc of matthew and more bc of leon, despite the fact that leon won't be the one getting to them first

there are several very cute moments of matthew hanging around near the glass, baby girl in baby bjorn and enormous pom-pom hat, as leon skates up and waves to them. there are pictures

these are the pictures the team gets to post the summer after they win the cup/the draisaitl-tkachuk family goes public

somehow the fact that they are so cute makes the obnoxious girl dad behavior so much harder to bear. the team suffers.

[luvrodite]

okay my neighbor!jason and roommate!jason thots are going wild right now bc I feel like both of their slow burns end so differently. Like yours and neighbor!jason’s relationship is a slow and steady pining that is more sweet and the catalyst is a “why don’t you just stay here?” after you try to watch all of the lord of the rings movies in one night. and it’s all cuddles and soft kisses and making breakfast and morning sex bc you’re just that comfortable and close at that point you don’t even care you’re just glad it’s finally happening.

meanwhileeee you and roommate!jason have spent so long tiptoeing around each other and suppressing your feelings, convincing yourself the other doesn’t feel the same that it almost ends in a fight of “well how do you think I feel watching you go out with other people?/hearing you get off in the other room?/knowing it’s not me?” and then a “well maybe I wish it was!” and the hottest and filthiest make out session and sex ever known to man and also god.

have a good day/night🫡

nonnie im so glad u get it.

also minors dni + have your age in your bio if you interact

like with neighbour!jason i just imagine it being very luke and lorelai esque, where he's just that guy. like he's your (i imagine him a little older, maybe late twenties/early thirties) hot as shit neighbour who you can always always count on. because he's a good guy. he sees you in the hall and he says hello and you guys talk and hang out occasionally but it's never beyond platonic even though sometimes you feel like he might be flirting with you and sometimes he gets a little quiet when he looks at you. and you grow closer and closer, and you get comfortable enough to blur that line when you flirt with him in the mornings to get a reaction, you feel less inclined to hide your quirks etc. because he's jason. he's wonderful. and you're going to be so happy for whoever he ends up with but at the same time, the thought of someone coming into your lives–because he's part of your life now! he's your friend as much as he's your neighbour. he's seen you cry and he's seen you messy and he's seen you when you've just woken up. the thought of there being someone else makes you a little envious, a little sad. he goes from being the hot guy next door to someone you genuinely care about and love, and that complicates it, because love is scary and you don't want to ruin one of the best relationships in your life. (neighbour!jason is just waiting for you to come to terms with it because he already knows what he wants, age has made him steady, left him assured of himself. but he won't make any moves until he's certain that you're certain)

and with roommate!jason. oh my god. exactly that. i spoke about this with one of my moots but i imagine that the way roomie and jason end up together is extremely messy. they're both very explosive and young(er) and have so much learning to do even if they are adults living on their own with their own jobs/studies. like there's obviously that comfort of being friends but also, there's that tension between them because you're both so attracted to each other and aware of each other, but you still navigate yourselves like you're just roommates when underneath the surface there are so many feelings just simmering, simmering, simmering. you go on dates, jason pretends he isn't extremely jealous, you have to bite down your own envy when other girls eye him up at the store, he's heard you touch yourself–has jerked off to you. it all bubbles up. i imagine it takes a while before you guys end up officially together because you do it backwards. roommate!jason turns to roommate with benefits!jason who eventually turns into roommate/boyfriend!jason. you guys fuck and you know you've crossed the lines of your arrangement from the beginning but feelings are again. so vulnerable. and scary. so you keep quiet until once more someone gets jealous and the actual, deeper feelings come out.

anyway i am rambling. but thank you for sending these thoughts in. i've missed roommate jason and neighbour jason (even though i'm writing a fic for the former atm) and will take any opportunity to talk about them

[ask-zerotrio]

Epilogue/Author’s final note

Idk if anyone’s been paying attention to how the blog has been transforming over the course of the story, both in answers + meta blog layer, but I hope it’s been a fun ride! I wanted to thank you those who wrote really nice words again ;u; it means a lot, especially when I poured a lot into this blog (Probably more than I should lol.)

Anyway, I really wanted to do a full write up of the blog’s plot/timeline... A summary of the vision, if you will.

Arc 1: An idyllic universe

I’d be lying if I had this plot from the beginning, but the whole of it certainly came in a rush. Anyway, the beginning of this story was very much an AU where Sada and Turo did leave the crater, reuniting with Clavell and Arven before dying. It’s a universe where everything is perfect, and certainly one that Clavell of every universe dreams of, regardless of whether he’s romantically involved with anyone.

Arven gets to have his parents, Clavell gets to have his childhood friends by his side, Sada and Turo see that Paradise was never something found in the past and future.

Arc 2: A crumbling dream

Then, a desire to explore zerotrio “canon” overcame me, and I thought it might be fun to pursue a change in direction via story, as opposed to usual ask blog announcements/retcons. So... upon the mention of harm coming to the trio, Clavell assures himself that Sada and Turo are fine.

Thus begins the crumbling of this ideal world, with Clavell becoming sickly and grieving for something he doesn’t know... But Sada and Turo do. Throughout these few asks, whoever’s responsible for this dream is implied... and I think I’ll leave that for you to guess :)

Reality is rushing back at Clavell, and eventually time runs out for him. Sada and Turo know this, and I hoped I made it clear how apologetic they are (Love these complex, problematic, but fiercely loving professors lol. Their personalities are so intense, Clavell always in the crossfire)...

Arc 3: Zero Lab era

Suddenly, Clavell was no longer available to respond... as per his injury. Instead we have the Zero Lab Search queries: An opportunity for people to investigate what truly happened between the trio historically. No better certainty in happenings than real video footage, no?

An added plus was to show the trio’s early relationship together during the Tera Orb research eras... Fluffy filler between the grimness of what becomes of them.

Although the “footage” isn’t posted in chronological order, they are all still roughly dated to show a coherent-ish timeline of Sada +Turo and Clavell beginning to have different priorities for Arven’s sake. Arguments had and never truly resolved... logs of Sada and Turo’s absence in Arven’s young life... so forth.

Peppered amidst all these were little clues, as well as puzzles. I attempted to throw a red herring, wanting to keep Sada and Turo’s deaths a not so secret for longer.

Eventually however, we reach present day, with lots of footage locked or damaged. Clavell, Sada and Turo are never shown, but their impacts of their action are. (These poor poor wild Scream Tails haha.)

Arc 4: Present day

We finally arrive at the true present day... with Clavell facing off Protocol Sada and Turo on his own.

The reveal isn’t a crazy twist, nor did I really want it to. But the build up had been for a tragedy we already knew/are familiar with: that Sada and Turo died for their dreams....

But in these final moments where Clavell woke from a vision that felt too real, Protocol Sada and Turo weren’t immune to it either.

Zero Lab queries no longer function as they used to, and asking about the past hurts. Sada and Turo’s conscious speaks through the logs. (Its true workings I leave to your imagination, but I liked the thought of the AI and Protocol representing the two parts of a whole Professor.) We see the final moments of Sada and Turo in what is a death-defying retrospective.

What next... complicated/messy resolutions. Clavell saved, Sada and Turo “alive” but different. It’s more open ended than I intended, but I think it’s also alright to leave things to the imagination... 

The trio have always been in search of their respective treasures, and though it takes a long and rough journey...

... lost treasure can always be found.

[jimmyandthegiraffes]

Fic Writing Review 2023 🌈

Thank you sm @itwoodbeprefect for the tag!!!

I hardly published anything this year so if u wanna skip to 'projects for 2024' that's gonna be the most interesting bit >.<

Words and Fics (on ao3) 📚

words posted: 714 💀 but many more words were written, just not posted lol fics posted: 1 first fic/last fic 😅: King of the Eyesores - Doctor Who (1963)

Ships and Fandoms ⚓

Doctor Who - no ships really but KotE is Mike Yates-centric.

Top 5 Fics by Kudos 🏆

It's KotE again lol which is at 6 kudos. Of all time, tho:

After the Hour(glass) - Night at the Museum (Jedtavius)

Less Than Ideal Circumstances - The Man from UNCLE (TV) (Napollya)

When They Sleep - The Man from UNCLE (TV)

Dismiss Your Fears - Back to the Future

After All, I'm Only Sleeping - Doctor Who (1963)

Top 5 Favorite Fics 💖

KotE......... I do actually rly enjoy KotE I think it has potential in terms of where it's going. But since I only posted one fic in 2023, I'll do my top 5 of fics I've ever posted. Apart from the first one this is in no particular order

tickertape - The A-Team (TV) it's my baby it's all I thought about for months of my life, it's like an iceberg (i.e. most of it is in my WIP doc, and only a tiny fraction is published so far), it got me thru a difficult time, it's an exploration of mental illness and complicated messy relationships expressed in epic format (i.e. it's probably gonna be novel length when it's done)

Bullet Number Six - Starsky & Hutch (TV) it received criticism for being obscure and hard to follow bc it switches pov briefly halfway thru but idc i love it anyway

I Gotta Right to Sing the Blues - The A-Team (TV) it was my first A-Team fic and I still think for a beginner it nailed some p realistic in-character dialogue and addressed an undertone I wished I'd seen addressed in the ep it's a coda to.

When They Sleep - The Man from UNCLE (TV) it's kind of riddled with certain mannerisms of my slightly older writing which I personally find a bit annoying and have worked to iron out for the sake of elegance over the years. but I still think it's a cool little exploration of all my sleep headcanons for the pair of them in one place

King of the Eyesores - Doctor Who (1963) see it made it to the list after all! I kinda like it more for its potential than for what it is right now butttttt who cares.

special mention to Unbereft (Starsky & Hutch) which I really really like but I wrote it in one frenzied sitting and only remembered after I'd posted it that it was very like someone else's fic I'd read several years previously. I don't think it's too much like to be taken down and I've since mentioned the writer of the other fic (it was dawnwind, hello!) in the notes. that's the only reason unbereft isn't in my top 5 because I'm otherwise really proud of how well it's written. Not to tootle on my own trumpet.

Fandom fic events

none RIP but maybe this year!!

Projects for 2024

Okay here we goooooooooooo

priority 1 is to finish the unfinished works that I've already half posted: King of the Eyesores, Every Line A Comedy, OUTATIME, The Windhover, tickertape, The Hanoi Bank Job and Other Misadventures, 38 Hours. Bolded are my top priorities.

other works that I'm writing but which haven't seen the light of day at all yet:

Dear Mike - an epistolary between Jo Grant and Mike Yates following her marriage to Cliff Jones.

The Lark/Behind That Locked Door (working titles) - a 30-chapter 2/Jamie fic about season 6B in which Jamie suffers permanent memory problems after the War Games. It explores grief, social ostracism, feeling abandoned, undirected anger, guilt, and acceptance that healing sometimes is a process that is never complete. I've been working on it since about 2016 lol but I'm lazy I just need to press on.

hell valley au - as yet untitled lol. In which the Hell Valley!Marty (who is never seen in BTTF2 as he is in Switzerland) and Hell Valley!Doc (who has been institutionalized) break out of their respective situations and go on the run together. But there's a problem - they had to leave Einstein behind, and when they get information that Einie is to be used for a dogfight, they make the risky decision to go back to Hill Valley to rescue him. However, going back to the place they just escaped by the skin of their teeth also brings them face to face with the last person they expect to meet.

a changed man (working title) - a Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased) fic from Jeannie's pov. mostly it's about their picnic excursions but it's also about Jeannie wishing Marty wasn't such an elephant in the room

mfu/rahd xover (untitled) - the first chapter of this is almost ready to go tbh. it's what it says on the tin lol, Napoleon and Illya go to London and get help from a rather eccentric private detective who has uncanny powers of solving impossible cases but also they think is probably clinically insane

to see him happy - VERY weird rahd fic. it's smut but its also about grief. might never post it because several of my family members have access to my tumblr and therefore my ao3 lol they dont need to see that

the winter of '62 - a study of jeff and marty's life when they lived together in a grotty bedsit and couldnt afford to put the heating on

star wars (untitled) - set during ROTJ, han pov. han's lost a lot of time and now everyone is one step ahead of him which isn't a sensation he's used to

skyrissian - what it says on the tin lol

the older gen (untitled) - jeeves fic about bertie's aunts and uncles and parents as they were as they variously grew up, got married, had children, died (or didn't), fell prey to alcoholism or insanity or petty crime, went to war, prospered (or didn't)... This is pretty unlikely to be finished this year tbh as it's very detailed but I can dream

a couple of long form fics about starsky & hutch and mfu respectively (the s&h one is set post sweet revenge, the mfu one takes place at various moments throughout the show)

x-files series - canon compliant until paperclip and then gradually diverges into how i think the show should have gone lol. another biggie

and a handful of tintin fics that im protective of and might never post but we'll see - one where tintin and chang go on holiday in london after picaros, one where the gang encounters rajaijah one last time (featuring a letter from didi, chang making a very daring crossing at the songolese border, and tintin taking about ten years to chop up a clove of garlic), and one where tintin gets shitfaced at an embassy ball and accidentally starts an Incident. haddock looks on, appalled.

i knoooooooooooooooowww this is a lot but i'm not realistically hoping to finish it all this year but it's nice to have lots of things to play around with lol.

unfortunately i have the eternal problem of not ever knowing which of my mutuals write fic and which of those havent already been tagged but imma tag @theteaisaddictive and genuinely if u see this and u write fic ur tagged i want to knowwwwwwwwwwwww <333

[disneyprincemuke]

can u explain fast times and fast nights for me? I dont get the concept but I rlly want to read it😭

thank yOUUUUU I LOVE THIS QUESTIONNNNNN

ok OK OK SO ftfn is an idea i had about 'what if the f1 grid were to be wags instead and it's in a reality show format'? and this all stemmed from tine saying that she wanted to write one of her fics in dts style but she's never watched it (it's my guilty pleasure it's so dramatic for no rzn) so anyway

i ended up only keeping A COUPLE of drivers to be active wags with their partners on the grid because i feel like some drivers aren't dramatic like that... so that tells you who will be on the grid. we used a lot of ocs for this one while keeping a couple accurate relationships! ocs include my vr femdriver, my inthaf femdriver; @angsthology's jupiter nightshade, camellia ayudisha and roo! the others are ocs from other stories that have got NOTHING to do with f1 hehe

the actual episodes are better formatted, but the outtakes are introductions to the couples on the grid, which is why they're so short and kinda messy!!!

the format of the fics itself, i understand, is a little weird i admit... let me guide u through it...

^ these texts in small text and indents are commentary... so if you've watched dts, it's like mf will buxton talking over clips yk? it's like the narrator speaking, basically, except she ain't as silly as will buxton

^ these ones here are standalone quotes said about whom the outtakes are about... in this case, sonnet and mick <3... i didn't really know how to format them on tumblr better so i understand that it's a bit confusing and if you've got suggestions how to make them a bit more distinct, pls lmk cuz i'm driving myself crazy

^ stuff like these are news article titles! again... wasn't sure how to format them so i be using every single tumblr format they allow me to use LMFAO

^ these are quotes... from those whom the outtakes are about... so the top you can kind of derive that it's mick and that the bottom one is sonnet

it's really very complicated because tumblr doesn't really give me much formatting to work with... if you guys have got any better idea how i can handle this, i'd really really appreciate it like seriously HAHA

i really really love ftfn and i really hope u guys like it too... the formatting is a little weird because tumblr is a bit restrictive, but if you guys have got any ideas to make it better, i'm very open to the help <3

[lesbianrobin]

okay 1) what is your favorite fic that you have written

2) how do you usually sleep? like face up, face down? do you move around? temp? etc

3) who is your favorite musical artist/band right now?

thank you for askinggggg 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

1) ok so i went to my ao3 to look at all my fics bc i didn't have an Immediate answer to this question and apparently i have written/posted 40 fics. which is bonkers. that's so many. ok ANYWAY this answer is maybe surprising but i think my favorite fic that i've written is nancy drew and the mystery of the magnetic closet!

i'm something of a nancy wheeler hater like i have a very tumultuous love-hate relationship with her and i think she is like kinda deranged and often lacks emotional intelligence. but those things made her So insanely fun to write about!! i made her like very obviously flawed from the start and it was great to just write my protagonist being messy and kinda terrible from her own perspective. it was also really fun to write my beloved steve and robin from the pov of somebody who doesn't quite Get them or what they're going through. i think it's probably one of the more complicated things i've written and so i'm proud of it <3 also nancy has a sicknasty nightmare in that fic that was an absolute Blast to write.

2) i'm a side sleeper but i wish so so badly that i could be a stomach sleeper. unfortunately my tits r too big and it's just never quite comfortable enough for me to fall asleep. in terms of temperature i used to sleep with the fan on but that was bad for my asthma so i had to stop 💔 but i like to be warm and toasty i always wear socks to bed bc otherwise my feet get too cold. i know i used to move around and kick a lot when i was little but i think i outgrew that bc i tend to wake up more or less in the same place i fell asleep.

3) i've been listening to the front bottoms like crazyyyy lately !! fun fact i took my dad to a front bottoms concert bc my sister bailed on me and at the concert my dad got totally smashed and left halfway through to go nap in my car and he slept the entire drive home + like half an hour in the driveway at home before i went out and dragged him inside. then in the morning he found out that his dad had died and he had to go out to oklahoma for the funeral and he missed my college graduation bc of it so i'm like Eternally grateful that my sister bailed and i had to bring my dad to a concert for a band he hates bc i absolutely treasure that stupid silly night we had together way more than my graduation day.

thank u again for asking!!! wonderful questions this was so fun!!!

anonymously ask me 3 things you want to know about me!

[ca-suffit]

going to be honest, i don't even think jacob "despises loumand to a comical degree" as some fans claim, as much as he's more willing to be upfront about its flaws and hold armand accountable for his behavior. which is understandable given how these season puts loumand in the spotlight with many of its ups and downs. while at the same time he did not deny that in their whole relationship, there was love and a willingness from louis to have armand as a calmer, gentler and alternative to his more explosive relationship with lestat (even if it unfortunately was abuse, just in a different way). he even said armand is not without complication but nowhere near as messy as lestat, which is pretty funny given what armand is capable of.

i think it's more that people have been seeing him talk very favorably about loustat in comparison, but not enough of its toxicity. the fans saying that are also not entirely comfortable with that either since loustat also has its own issues. there was another interview in which jacob and sam agree that louis is the problem in his relationships (which... i don't agree with but that's their opinion, said jokingly or not).

at the end of the day, i don't really read too much into how cast members talk about their these pairings and sometimes they even contradict themselves "it's more than a rebound, it is a rebound" and all that. i don't want an actor having a preferred pairing to be used as a reason to throw hate at that actor or for fans to justify why actor opinion is the reason pairing A is better than pairing B. it's kind of ridiculous.

I definitely aim to not have any kind of tunnel vision about anything here. I do my best to remind ppl that there's layers to all of this and simplifying things down to "this relationship / character / actor is the worst / best" is rly juvenile. fandoms love doing this tho bcuz fandom has normalized extreme thinking, extreme abuse, extreme everything. conversations are not being had so much as ppl just want to look good / "right" and live in drama as a distraction to their lives otherwise.

I think it's def a difficult thing to put these stories into a tv series and then a) try to "sell" the show where it is while b) also looking at the big picture and c) navigating both ppl who have read the books and not. it's a big fucking challenge tbh. not to mention the race changes now and how that will also influence ppl's opinions on which relationships are shown in what light, no matter what "the books" say or not. the fandom also refusing to incorporate racial elements into most discussions also doesn't help this.

it is *such* a clusterfuck. but anyways. ya. thank u for ur comment!

[yansurnummu]

Nine people you'd like to know better

tagged by @thana-topsy! thank you for this! <3

3 ships all of the ships that have me right now are eso and either oc/ oc or oc/canon lol oops Drals/Azandar: my catty old queens... ugh I just love how their dynamic is shaping up in my fic. I don't want to spoil too much since I still have a ton I haven't posted, but some of my favourite scenes I've written with them is weirdly the ones where they're having arguments and things get worse before they get better. It's just been so fun to explore Drals' inner conflict of not believing he deserves nice things, and then Azandar comes in with a fuckin sledgehammer like he's on HGTV like "ok we've gotta take down ALL THESE WALLS" Asha-ammu/Donobhan: they are so special to me <3 I love vampire/human dynamics in general, but so often the vampires are the smooth, sexy ones (not to say Asha isn't incredibly sexy, they're just Nervous) so it's been fun to explore how Asha being autistic and aromantic intersect with them being a vampire. Also Don is a sweetheart and I love him a lot. probably the healthiest dynamic of all my ships. Sadryn/Ember: honourable mention because I haven't really talked about them here at all, but my gf and I have talked a lot about them and they've been sneaking back into my thoughts again. it's one of those relationships where u just wanna grab her by the shoulders and go "GIRL WHAT ARE U THINKING, HE'S DUMB AS ROCKS & THE ONLY THING HE OWNS IS A DIRTY MATTRESS ON THE FLOOR" but she just thinks he's such a fun silly lil guy and wants to put him in a petri dish and study his red flags under a microscope I guess the pattern is that I loooove conflict & drama and when ships are messy and complicated!!

First ship good god... this is fitting because my gf and I were JUST talking about weeb phases and how I was a kid during that like 2006-2010 weaboo golden age of deviantart & pirating anime LOL. I can't remember exactly but I'm sure it was naruto? probably narusasu or something

Last song early sunsets over monroeville - my chemical romance (this is my comfort album and I'm not sorry)

Currently reading I finally started reading the Drizzt books, though so far I have mixed feelings about it. we'll see if I keep going!

Last film my parents made me watch Terminator because I'd never seen it LOL (I'm really bad when it comes to movies... there's a LOT I haven't seen, especially when it comes to the last 10 years or so)

Currently craving ough I want banh mi sooooo bad. I'm on week 3 of recovering from a slipped disk in my back and it's also been snowing here so I have not exactly been eating well :( (I will live I'm not like starving lol I'm just that flavour of ADHD where if I eat the same thing too often/ too many times in a row my brain tries to kill me)

I tag @tilliphont @aviel-the-trans-bucket @toastannas @sassyfahliil @sniperviper @shadylex and @caliblorn if y'all want to! and anyone else who feels like it :)