#i love medics theme its my favorite of the meet the themes
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mail-me-a-snail ¡ 3 months ago
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the bass part to medic’s theme is so fun to play… i haven’t played bass in a minute but fiddling around and playing medic’s theme has been such a good time
YOU CAN PLAY BASS?!?!! THATS SO SICK‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ur epic as fuck
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awrkive ¡ 3 months ago
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THE LOVE PROGNOSIS, pt. 2 — JJK (m.)
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for as long as you can remember, you’ve always been a hopeless romantic.
the girl who’s always dreamt of cheesy encounters with her soulmate, grand love declarations, and a cute little beach wedding to boot. but reality pretty much slaps you hard right on the face, because love, unfortunately, doesn’t come grand — it’s simple and it’s quiet, but it is quite painful, especially when the love that you’ve been seeking for all your adult life has just been right under your nose all this time.
PAIRING jungkook x female reader // mingyu x female reader
GENRE r18+ (angst, fluff, smut) MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!
CHAPTER WORD COUNT 27.5k
CHAPTER WARNINGS/MISC medical!au, roommates!au, surgeon!jk, surgeon!reader (they are both 4th year residents and are co-workers), corporate lawyer!mingyu, oc and jk are bffs since med school but their love language is fighting each other <3, jk and mingyu are bffs during undergrad, hopeless romantic!oc. shirtless jk in almost every scene ijbol he needs to get locked up, jk thigh tattoo 😔 a dash of sexual themes (ie: making out, grinding) and violence, this is pretty much MED SCHOOL LORE GALORE bcs boy, was there so much history mentioned here, 3/4 of this is in jk pov, so ladies.... prepare yourselves 🤔so much fluff, and we counter that with not major but not minor either ANGST, so many conversations and dialogues in this one lol, this hopefully offers every answer youre looking for from part one, when ur done reading the chapter this is how the keyring looks like
NOTES hi!! this chapter was supposed to be longer but i was like.. fuck that 😭 its getting too long. anyway. hope u guys enjoy this one!! this is my most favorite thing ive ever written i think n im weirdly very proud of this one idk. scream into my inbox and the reply section if u have #thoughtss 😄😄 [ important: pls make sure to read the note below ]
[ TLP MOODBOARD ] // [ SPOTIFY PLAYLIST ]
SERIES MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST
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You take your sweet time trying to right your wrongs.
After that day, you were the one to initiate a call with Mingyu which he answered thankfully (you were a little skeptical about him calling you that night). You went over to his place after your shift, apologizing to him for lying about your roommate situation. Admittedly, Mingyu still doesn’t seem to be wholly okay with it – but he doesn’t really say anything more about it. He kissed you better that night, his lips making you forget all about the stress that you’ve went through for the day, convincing you to stay over.
The night bled into two when he said he couldn’t let you go. Mingyu was persistent and you were unwilling to go in the first place. Partly because who didn’t want to spend more time with their significant other? But it’s also because of a certain someone that is no other than Jeon Jungkook.
Those two nights are going on four – which means that you’ve been avoiding Jungkook for the past three days now.
It doesn’t seem like a difficult task though because Jungkook seems to be doing the same. That was your hunch. He replies to you with dry-ass “okay”s when you text him about not going home because you’re staying at Mingyu’s. Nothing more, and nothing less.
Which is unusual of him. Sure, in your almost decade-long friendship, you’ve fought a bunch of times. But it usually gets resolved in a day or two. And Jungkook wasn’t ever cold like he is right now.
See, the regular Jungkook would find you anywhere on your floor at the hospital just to annoy you. When your time allows it, you eat together with your friends at lunch.
But now, he seems to always have something to do – which, okay, fair. He’s a surgeon, after all. But he doesn’t even spare you a glance whenever you two meet halfway in the hallways. Yesterday, you coincidentally scrubbed in together for the same surgery but he did not say a word to you other than, “Scalpel”.
The rest of your friends are already asking about it. Doyeon told you he had lunch with Jungkook this afternoon, but when she mentioned that maybe you were free to go with them, Jungkook suddenly had to look over a patient’s chart.
It’s not just a hunch anymore. He really is avoiding you.
And to be honest, you’re tired of the whole pussyfooting around. He’s being childish – and you’ll be the better person to come and talk to him about it. Granted, you’re three days late. But at least you’re doing it.
You texted Mingyu earlier this afternoon that you’re coming home to your apartment tonight. He was bummed about it, you could feel it through his message, nonetheless he replied saying he’ll miss you, which put a smile to your tired face from work.
When you went home from your shift at 9pm, Jungkook wasn’t anywhere in the house. Which was a shame – because you were planning to talk to him.
Well. Maybe you’d wait for him.
But it seemed like you underestimated your exhaustion for the day because as soon you finished showering, dressing yourself with your bed clothes which consists of comfortable flimsy camisole and panty shorts, you went straight to bed and passed out – forgetting about Jungkook.
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It’s past 2 am when you feel yourself waking up from your deep slumber, stomach grumbling at the emptiness, and you realize you did not only forget about waiting for Jungkook but also about eating dinner.
Walking out of your room, you head straight to the kitchen where you immediately go to open the refrigerator to see if there’s something in it you can consume. There are boxes of Chinese food take-out which makes your eyes light up. When you open to smell them, it seems that they’re still new.
You deduce it must be Jungkook’s.
That gives you the predicament of whether you should eat it or not. You take you’re not exactly on good terms as of the moment – therefore you can’t eat his food. But you’re really hungry.
Throwing away your inhibitions, you open one of the boxes, not even bothering to heat the food.
“Hey,”
You almost jump upon hearing another voice. Looking to your side, you see Jungkook approaching, with only his boxers on, upper half naked.  
“H-hey,” you say, pursing your lips into a thin line. “Are these yours?” You point to the take-out box in your hand.
Jungkook nods and heads straight to your direction. Taking one of the boxes, he hauls himself to the kitchen island, twisting his body so that he can face you.
“Yep.” he responds, dipping his fingers inside the box and taking out strands of noodles from it.
You wince at the sight. “Look like worms.”
“Just like worms.” Jungkook grins, chewing on them in that obnoxious way because he knows you don’t like noisy eaters.
Frowning, you decide to follow him to the island and haul yourself on top of it as well, sitting beside him. Jungkook scoots to the side to give you more room.
“It’s kind of like eating naengmyeon, I don’t like naengmyeon.” You tell him, opening another box and feeling delighted to see untouched stir-fried rice. “Did you just buy this earlier?”
Jungkook nods. “Left them in the fridge when I realized I wasn’t too hungry.”
“Then you woke up feeling hungry?” You smile at him.
He chuckles. “Yeah. When did you get off work?”
“Nine. You?”
“Twelve am.”
You grimace at that, but nod in understanding.
There’s a beat of silence before Jungkook speaks up again.
“Didn’t expect to see you here tonight.”
“Just wanted to remind you I’m still your housemate…” you joke, brushing your elbow against his arm in a teasing manner.
Jungkook laughs as he shakes his head. He picks up another batch of noodles in his fingers and then offers it to you, prompting you to arch your brow at him. “Try it.”
You shake your head. “I hate cold noodles.”
“Just try,” He insists, placing it closer to your face. You scrunch your nose, skeptical. It makes Jungkook chuckle lowly. “Head back.”
Hesitantly, you tilt your head back and open your mouth as Jungkook puts the noodles inside it. You almost choke on it when Jungkook laughs mid-way, making you laugh as well, but thankfully, you were able to chew all of them just fine.
“What the fuck.” You frown, slapping his arm good-naturedly.
“Wasn’t so bad, huh?”
“It was bad.” You say, going back to eating your fried rice. Jungkook gives you a look that says he’s not convinced. Looking at his face, you roll your eyes, “It’s like eating–” you stop mid-sentence as Jungkook quickly wipes off something on the side of your lips. It’s so quick though that you brush it off just as instantly and continue, “—literal worms.”
“Imagine if worms tasted like noodles. Wouldn’t that be sick as hell?” Jungkook muses, stretching his arm over you to reach for another take-out box on the counter. It’s so sudden that your immediate reflex was to stretch your upper body backwards, feeling a little taken aback when Jungkook’s face gets a little too close to your stomach, with his arm rubbing over your bare thighs.
He seems like it doesn’t move him, though. Just goes back to his position casually and opens another box. As he does, you can’t help but take a quick look at his bulging thighs, the short length of his boxers letting you get a brief view of the tattoo that peeks out of the expanse of his skin. You’ve seen that before many times, but not the entirety – of course not. It looks like it goes up from way above. Anyway, it’s sort of like a flower, but you’re not sure. You never really asked him about it. He never brings it up either.
“Oh, man, the dumplings got cold.” Jungkook picks inside his box as if he’d miraculously find one that’s not cold.
You roll your eyes at his antics. “You stored them in the fridge for like how many hours now?”
Ignoring you, Jungkook takes out one dumpling, trying to eat it, and you watch as he visibly winces. In a moment, he shoots one straight to the trash bin across from you.
“Oh, that’s real mature.” You say dryly.
With that, Jungkook throws another one, giving you a cheeky grin when it lands in the bin successfully for the second time.
Pursing your lips, you sarcastically say, “Wow. Two points to Xavier from Jeon Jungkook.”
That makes Jungkook look at you instantly.
“How the hell do you know that?” He gives you a look of confusion but there’s amusement written all over his face at the same time.
“Well… Mingyu told me you both played for the basketball varsity team back in undergrad, so,”
Jungkook stops. There’s look of something in his eyes that you can’t quite point out, but then suddenly, he nods.
“He told you how good I was?” He says with a teasing tone, a contrast to his sudden and quick drop of mood a few seconds ago.
You throw him a tissue. “Don’t be cocky. He just mentioned it.”
“I was captain. Two-time MOP, 2018 and 2019 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament.”
You look at him with silent reverence. Well, Mingyu didn’t tell you all that, that’s for sure. It’s a bit surreal to picture Jungkook wearing a basketball uniform, though. You’re so used to seeing him in scrubs and lab gown and his usual casual, occasionally suits when you attend formal conferences. You’ve only ever seen him sweat it out whenever he works out in the living room.
“Impressive.” You say. Jungkook grins proudly. “It’s strange I only know about it now, though.”
“You never asked.” He shrugs. “What ‘bout you? I only know you’re little miss summa cum laude.”
Huffing, you jab at his arm when he mentions it, rolling your eyes at him which only earns you a chuckle. Regardless, you tell him, “2018 NCA College Nationals. We won Coed Division One.”
Jungkook arches a brow. “NCA… National Cheerleading Association?” You nod, eating from your take-out box so as to avoid Jungkook’s look after you do so.
“No fucking way,” He says incredulously. “Seriously?”
“Yeah,” You bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling too much. You never really get to share this part about you with a lot of people. To quote Jungkook, they never ask. It’s funny when they do get surprised by it though, like he is now. When Jungkook stares at you – you don’t know if it’s just in disbelief – longer than necessary, you realize he’s staring at your face and that makes you consciously fix a strand of hair behind your ear. “Go big blue, go big blue, show ‘em what wildcats can do.” You sing a in fast tempo, chuckling about how silly it sounds.
Jungkook utters a sound of amusement. “That’s… wow. Right now, I’m just picturing you cheering but it’s a bit hazy and shit.”
“You’re saying you can’t picture me cheering?” You playfully accuse, but you know exactly what he meant. Even you still don’t believe that you actually did cheer in undergrad. When you signed up for it, it was just because you had to choose a club, and you weren’t interested in anything other than that. You thought cheering would be fun and it was fun.
“No, I’m just—” Jungkook cuts himself off and looks at you. “Okay, now I totally deserve a cheer for that two-point shot I made just now.”
You laugh loudly at that. Covering your mouth, you look at him to see if he’s joking but he seems to be serious.
“No.” You say, your eyes widening, body stiffening.
“Come on,” Jungkook chuckles.
You roll your eyes. “You have to do more than a two-point shot to get a cheer.”
“Okay, what do you want me to do?” Jungkook eagerly presents a challange. You stifle a laugh when he gears up for something. “I can shoot dumplings further from here with my left hand.”
“Ten feet away,” You muse, giggling when Jungkook suddenly gets off the counter, carrying the box of dumplings, and positions himself further away from you. Laughing, you shake your head before you say, “You can’t do it.”
“Try me.” He says as he begins to pick out a dumpling and concentrate on the trash can. Before he shoots, he tells you, “This one’s for you.”
You watch as the dumpling misses the bin.
Jungkook beats you to speaking first. “I admit. I’m a bit rusty.”
Sneering, you eat your fried rice, not straying your eyes from him. “You have to shoot, like, three dumplings.”
“That was a trial shot.” he insists, eyeing you playfully, before he gears up for another again. You watch closely when he makes a move to shoot another dumpling.
It goes in. Jungkook smirks at you when you look at him, impressed.
“Not bad.” You cock your head to the side.
“Tss.” He shoots another shot again and it’s successful for the second time. “That’s two.” Jungkook shows you his fingers and you chuckle at his enthusiasm.
“Let’s see if you can get the third.”
Jungkook nods, and you cover a snicker again at the way his stance suddenly turns serious, as if he’s really taking the whole thing seriously.
In a few seconds, he shoots the last dumpling straight to the bin just as successfully as the last time.
“What did I say?” Jungkook brags as he goes over to the island across from you, sitting on the high chairs this time. You turn your body to look at him, containing your smile. “Your turn now.” Jungkook says with a smirk.
Your purse your lips. “I’m a bit rusty.”
“So was I!” Jungkook claims which prompts a chuckle from you.
You look at him for a while, unsure. You close your eyes, bobbing your head side to side, covering your face as you suddenly feel a sense of embarrassment at the thought of dancing in front of him.
“Promise you won’t laugh?” You say after Jungkook tries to remove your hands off your face.
He raises his right hand and fixes his sitting posture upright. “Promise.”
“If you show your teeth I’ll stop and so will this friendship.” You threaten as you bring your legs over the island to his direction.
Jungkook chuckles while saying a series of “Yeah”s, holding your hand to help you hop off the counter safely.
You take a few quick strides to place yourself in the space between your counter and dining area and look at Jungkook who settles himself comfortably in the kitchen island chair, watching you with relaxed position and crossed arms.
Feeling uncharacteristically shy, you stand upright, suddenly aware that you’re only wearing a pair of panty shorts and a fitted camisole. You don’t work out so you’re a bit conscious in front of Jungkook who looks really good in his natural form. You don’t even understand how he finds time to go to the gym or do his little work-out sesh during some nights or weekends, but you shake away the thought and smile at him coyly. He has the better body, sure, but you know well enough he’ll never judge you for yours… besides, it’s just Jungkook. He makes you feel safe and secure, no matter the context of the situation.
Off the top of your head, you do whatever it is you remember from your college routines and begin your yell.
“Wildcats, get up and shout! We’re the team that’s gonna take it out! Give it all you’ve got, let’s hear you roar!” You chuckle mid-way, forgetting a step. “Sorry,” you apologize quickly, but then continue right away, trapping your bottom lip with your teeth to prevent yourself from completely losing it. “We’re the Wildcats, and we’re here to score! Go Big Blue! Go Big Blue—" You make a mistake again and skip a beat with your finger snaps, and when you look at Jungkook, you can’t help but give in to the laughter that’s been bubbling up inside you. “I can’t do it!” You say, cutting your “performance” short.
“What? It was good!” Jungkook says, encouraging you to continue further.
You stifle a laugh as you go back to the top again but then your mind forgets the next step and you’re messing up the choreography again. At that point, you start mindlessly cheering; jumping around and flapping your arms to make it look like somewhat of a cheer but none of the coordination. You know it looks messy, so you run over to Jungkook shamefully, plopping on the chair beside him. Bringing your legs up to the seat and covering your face in your thighs, you can’t help but giggle in embarrassment.
“Woah,” Jungkook says, but you can say there’s a hint of laughter in his tone. You know it’s not out of mockery when he lifts your head up and boop your nose. “That was cute. Best cheer I’ve ever seen.”
“You’re pushing it.” You hiss, kicking his knee slightly.
Jungkook captures your leg, and you squeal when he pinches your thigh. You both laugh at that and you thought Jungkook’s gonna let go of your leg but he keeps it on his lap.
“My stomach hurts from laughing.” You tell him, taking a deep breath, trying to regulate your heart. Everything feels funny. Your cheer was funny. You must’ve looked so stupid.
Jungkook chuckles. “Wildcats, get up and shout—”
“Jungkook!” You cut him off, removing your leg from his lap to kick him again on the thigh this time. That only prompts him to laugh louder.
When the high of the moment fades, Jungkook looks over at you.
“Do you feel sleepy?”
You shake your head. “Not really. At least not yet.”
He hums, and then takes your box of fried rice to eat from it.
There’s the silence again, but it’s quiet and comfortable. No weird tension sitting in the air.
“Jungkook,” You call him after a while.
“Hm.”
You clear your throat. “I meant to talk to you,” Jungkook stops eating and looks at you to acknowledge you. “I’m sorry.”
He stares at you for a moment. Then, he chuckles, shaking his head. “You know what’s funny? I was gonna talk to you yesterday to say I’m sorry but then you didn’t talk to me at all in the OR. I thought you were still mad at me.”
With furrowed brows, you tell him, “I thought you were mad at me. You only said “scalpel” in the OR and then that was it. No hi’s or hello’s in the hallways for the past three days.”
“Me? Mad at you?” He says, as if he can’t believe you would even think that. “I mean, you piss me off sometimes, but I don’t think I was ever mad at you.” You pout. Jungkook smiles. “I can never be mad at you,” His look is gentle and warm that you feel a little flustered for a reason unknown. It just ticks a little something in your brain, tugging something at your heart. Then, Jungkook sighs. “I’m sorry, too. For the way I went about it. The “bringing boys here” comment was out of line.”
There’s a wince on your face when you hear that.
That comment did hurt a little.
But you know it was just a heat-in-the-moment type of thing, and he just wasn’t able to think through his words well enough when he was… well, pissed – and rightfully so. Because you did something offensive to him, and you can’t blame him for feeling the way he felt.
You nod at Jungkook. “Thank you for saying that. I’m saying sorry because I realized what you said. I should’ve informed you I was bringing Mingyu home, and I should’ve told him about you being my roommate. We really could’ve avoided that situation.”
“You can just tell me beforehand if you’re bringing him to our place.” Jungkook shrugs.
You chuckle. “No. That won’t happen again.” And it’s true. It’s awkward and it’s rude when you have a roommate.
Jungkook looks at you. “Okay. I won’t do it as well,” You shake your head, playfully rolling your eyes at him. “I’m guessing you settled it pretty quickly with him?” He gestures at your neck and you realize he’s referring to the necklace you’re wearing – the one Mingyu gave you the very same day you fought.
You want to point out it’s not really new, but you settle with, “Yeah. Fortunately.” as a response.
“I really am sorry for what happened.” Jungkook says and you can feel the sincerity in his voice.
“It’s fine,” Touching his arm, you give him a small smile. “Have you and Mingyu talked?”
Jungkook shakes his head. Nibbling on your bottom lip, you think about how that’s… not good. They were friends before you and have just met each other again after so many years – you do not want to be that kind of person who gets in the way of some other people’s relationship.
And you really can’t have Jungkook not liking your boyfriend or your boyfriend not liking Jungkook, either.
But as much as you want to suggest that they talk it out, you know you can’t. Besides, you trust that they eventually will. They’re grown men.
“So…” you trail off. “Are we okay?”
Jungkook’s lips tilt upwards. “Are we okay?”
“Come on,” you roll your eyes. “Do we hug it out or like – I don’t know – handshake on it?”
“Let’s hug it out like we’re twelve.” Jungkook grins and in a moment, he scoots closer to you and wraps his arms around your waist, resting his head on your chest.
The angle is a bit awkward with Jungkook crouching too much you don’t doubt his position is anything but comfortable, but it works, and it gives you the opportunity to pat his head as you say, “I missed hanging out with you, buddy.”
“Can’t say the same thing.”
That earns him a slight pinch to the ear easily accessible to you.
“Ow!” Jungkook says and then add, “I hate to ruin the moment but… you’re not wearing a bra.”
You quickly grab both sides of his head to get him off your chest. He comes back sitting upright on his chair, laughing.
“Fuck off—” you flip him off and then look over your box of fried rice, but then you remember he was also eating it earlier. “You ate all of it!”
“Finders keepers.”
“I hate you.”
“Hm.”
You shake your head, standing up and starting to grab all the boxes to take them to the trash bin.
“By the way, I just got my approval from HR for our trip the next two weeks. Have you?” You ask him across the room. You can see Jungkook’s face light up at the mention.
“Yeah, of course. Got approved yesterday.” Jungkook grins. You watch as he stares at you a bit longer, his face showing a hint of confusion.
You arch a brow. “Why does your face look like that?” Jungkook shakes his head, obviously ready to dismiss it. But you’re persistent. “What is it?” You say, walking towards his direction and stopping in front of him.
“Nothing…” he trails off. Then he rubs the back of his head. “I just really thought that you…” You squint your eyes at him. Then he chuckles lightly and swipes his fingers through his hair. “I just thought the trip would be cancelled.”
Your eyebrows furrow. Frowning, you nudge at him. “What? Of course, not! We planned that trip like six months ago. I’m not backing out.”
Jungkook gives you a shy smile.
“Okay.”
You can’t help it. You bring your hands to his cheeks and pinch them.
“He’s so excited for his birthday trip!” You say, intentionally talking like you would to a toddler.
Jungkook predictably forces your hands out of his skin and holds your wrist a bit tight as he rolls his eyes at you.
“Knock it off.” He glares at you. But you’re not done with your fun, so you poke your finger to his waist, knowing that’s his weak spot, and tease him some more. “Seriously.” Jungkook huffs out and your laughter becomes louder because he looks like a grumpy child right now.
“Sorry.” you say, still giggling. He furrows his brows, and you can’t help it, you poke at his waist again. When you do it, though, Jungkook captures your wrist, effectively stopping another one of your juvenile assaults. Suddenly, you start noting the mirth in his eyes.
You’ve seen that look before and it always ends up with you almost dying from too much laughter because he always—
“You’re gonna regret that.”
You let out a squeal as Jungkook takes ahold of your waist, and before you can even voice out a protest, he easily hoists you up against his body, bouncing you up until you're hanging around his shoulder like a sack bag.
“What the hell, put me down, you prick!” You complain, slapping the rugged muscles on his back. But Jungkook just responds with a series of clicks of his tongue, carrying you across the living room.
You know he’s about to put you on the couch to tickle you to death, so you do what you could and bite down on the skin of his back.
“Ouch!” Jungkook immediately reacts, stumbling a little in his stride. You snort at that, but you immediately frown when you feel a slap to your ass.
“You asshole!”
“You just lowered your chances of being spared,” Was his last words before you feel yourself getting put down on the surface of the sofa. Soon after, Jungkook’s poking his fingers to your waist and stomach, prompting you to erupt in fits of giggles and laughter, thrashing beneath him like a caged animal.
“Pl—stop—oh my god!” You say, weakly reaching for his arms. When Jungkook doesn’t relent, you continue wriggling under him, laughing and choking, saying a variety of, “Stop! I’m —” giggle, “gonna—” then another snort, “—die!”
Jungkook chuckles. He torments you some more before finally stopping his fingers in their ministrations.
“You deserve that.” Jungkook says when you both came down from the high, laughing at the messy state of your hair and the way you try to catch your breath like you just ran a triathlon.
You breathe in and out deeply, clutching your stomach that still hurts from laughing.
“Fuck you.” You hiss, giving him the finger.
Jungkook bursts into laughter, and from his position in between your legs, he lets himself fall on top of you.
“Jungkook, no!” Pushing him off you, you try to get away from him but the goof just forces himself beside you instead, sticking his much bigger build in between you and the back of the couch. It makes you scoot near the edge as a result, and you hold onto his arm so that you don’t fall off, tangling your leg against his own for added support. Pinching his waist in which he lets out an ingenuine “Owe!” to, you face him as you say, “You are so annoying.”
Jungkook just gives you a shit-eating grin. “Who started it?”
“You almost killed me.” You say dryly.
“Don’t be dramatic.” He rolls his eyes.
Suddenly, you realize the position you are both in.
Your bare legs are intermingled against each other, Jungkook has one arm wrapped around your waist, and from the lack of clothes on both sides, you can feel pretty much everything.
There’s a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach upon the epiphany.
Jungkook’s looking at you with a playful grin, but as he notices you staring at him, he stills. From such close proximity, you can almost trace out the lines of his features. The scar on his cheek, the mole under his lip, and the pimple scar that was probably from a week ago. At that thought, you think about: if you can see him so close like this, he can also probably see you, and that’s when you break away from the contact.
“Shit.” You hiss as you let yourself fall off the floor by rolling around, away from his hold and touch and him in general.
Jungkook immediately scoots to the edge of the sofa to look down at you with confused eyes. “The hell?”
“Don’t worry,” you wave your hand at him.
He snorts. “Did you just fall?”
You roll your eyes. Of course, he’d think that. But you let him, standing up from the floor.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.”
You hear Jungkook’s boisterous laughter as you walk towards the kitchen again, stopping in front of the fridge to get some water.
“You’re going to bed now?” Asks Jungkook, following you to the fridge and mirroring your activity.
Nodding at his question, you peer from the rim of the glass as you answer, “Yeah, I don’t want to be sleeping at the hospital later.”
“Fair.”
Soon after, you both decided to clean up a bit in the kitchen and when you finished, you two headed towards the direction of your bedrooms. It’s located just near the kitchen, with the doors located beside each other.
When you turn the knob open to your own door, Jungkook calls you, catching your attention.
You arch a brow at him, waiting.
“Good night,” Jungkook says. You drop your kitted brows and smile. You’re about to greet him the same but then he adds, “Also– that was a really great cheer.”
“Ugh, Jungkook!”
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You look across the bed to see Mingyu still on his laptop on his worktable, working on something. An hour and thirty minutes have passed since you arrived at his place, but you’re still not getting the least bit of attention from him.
You get it, it’s work, but he asked you to come over… isn’t it only fair to expect a little bit of something?
Getting up from the bed, you trudge over to his direction.
“Hi,” you say, ducking down to wrap your arms around his neck from the back of his swivel chair and kissing the spot below his ear.
“Hi,” Mingyu meets the kiss you give him on the lips. He reaches for your hands resting on top of chest and holds it there, looking at you. You delight at the hint of attention. “I’ll just be in a few minutes. You’re staying, right?”
You grin. “Of course.”
“Good.”
Rolling your eyes, you take your hands off him and stand upright once again. Mingyu rotates his chair so he can look at you with his undivided attention, voicing out a low whistle when he takes in your outfit – or lack of it thereof.
You arch a brow, knowing well he’s ogling you only in your bra and panties, squinting your eyes at him. Slowly, you glide your leg over his waist and plop yourself down on his lap, waiting for any protest from him. It doesn’t come, and so you give him a grin before planting your lips against his.
The kiss turns heated in a matter of seconds, with Mingyu squeezing over your bra and taking in your soft moans against his mouth, feeling the delicious roll of your hips against his crotch where you feel a semi growing already.  
“Sweetheart,” Mingyu grunts. When you don’t answer that, he cups your jaw, making you look at him. “__.”
“What?” You say, more like a whine, looking at him with hooded eyes. You’re starting to feel sticky in your underwear and you need him to do something about it.
“Not now, sweetheart. I told you, I’m working.”
You frown. There’s a beat of silence before you let out a sigh. “Okay.” You say, getting off his lap.
“I’ll take care of you when I’m done.” He promises, taking ahold of your wrist, looking up at you.
Pursing your lips, you look away. “It’s fine.” When Mingyu lets go, you look at the direction of the bathroom. “I’m gonna take a shower,” you tell him. “You’re free to join me if you want or whatever.”
You know he can’t and that he won’t.
“Alright.” Was the last thing you heard before you walked towards the bathroom door.
You’ve been over at his place too many times to count now, and you’re slowly building your shower essentials in his own bathroom. Your body wash, your face cream, your shampoo, your conditioner – even your moisturizer and your eye mask are already placed inside his bathroom cabinet.
As you step out of the shower box, all clean and fresh, you go over to the lavatory to brush your teeth. At the sight of both your cups sitting beside each other, you smile.
You look in the mirror – noting the way your lips can’t stop from curling up at the thoughts running inside your head.
Shaking them off, you grab Mingyu’s robe and put it over yourself, turning the knob around to step out of the bathroom.
You see Mingyu on his bed this time around, but his laptop’s still perched on his lap.
He looks up when he sees you. “Ready to sleep?”
You nod, feeling at home the way you automatically go towards his closet to pick out a shirt and some panties you left over the time.
As you’re in the process of dressing yourself, a phone’s ding rings in the room.
Looking at Mingyu, you watch as he checks his phone, assuming it came from him. When he puts it down, he looks at your plugged phone on the bedside table.
“What is it?” You ask, now properly dressed, walking to the bed.
You note the way Mingyu’s gaze changes as he hands you your phone.
“It’s Jungkook.” He says with a weirdly clipped tone. Then another ding comes. A beat, and then your phone rings.
Your brow shoots up, taking the device from him and checking it yourself.
Jungkook’s face is plastered over your screen – a picture of him wasted in his room two years ago, taken from your Thailand trip with the rest of your friends. He’s sleeping with his mouth open, shirtless in the middle of the hut, only covered up with his trunks. You remember setting it as his contact photo because it was funny back then. Jungkook hates the photo, and your friends always made fun of him for it.
Right now, though, it doesn’t feel the least bit funny. Not when Mingyu’s certainly saw it. Not when he looks a little put off as soon as he sees a glimpse of it when he was passing your phone to you.
“I’ll just answer this.” You say, standing from the bed again.
You don’t expect Mingyu to suddenly shoot you a question, “You can’t answer here?”
Brows knitting together, you give him an uncertain look. “It’s just Jungkook.”
“Yeah… so, why not here?”
You relent, seeing the point he’s trying to make. Plopping yourself on the bed again, you answer Jungkook’s call and put the phone over your ear.
“Jungkook,”
“__,” he sighs out your name, sounding relieved. “Thank fuck.”
“What’s wrong?” You ask, growing a bit concerned at his tone.
You can hear some shuffling from the other line as Jungkook tells you, “Did you see me with my pager in the locker room earlier?”
“Oh, uh… let me think…” you trail off, trying to remember the events earlier. As you do that, you notice Mingyu’s fingers trailing his hands to your bare legs, but you ignore it as you answer Jungkook, “I think I didn’t, yeah. I didn’t.” Jungkook hisses. “Did you check your car?” you ask, trying to help out.
“Already did. It’s not in there, either. I really think I accidentally threw it out in the bin along with some trash in my pockets.” He says, sounding a little distressed now.
“Well… you can always just go to the operator, you know? Get a new pager?” you offer. There’s a drop of kiss on your shoulder that makes you shudder, and you look at Mingyu with furrowed brows. He doesn’t say anything, though, just let his fingers trail upwards, his hand sliding under your shirt, gripping your thigh. Your boyfriend just gives you a sly smile, and you squint your eyes at him, confused at what he’s playing at. 
“I know. But, ugh, you know I lost two pagers already this year. Sungkyun hates me at this point—”
Jungkook’s answer suddenly drowns out when Mingyu grazes his thumb on your clothed clit.
“Oh.”
“—what?” Jungkook halts, asking about your abrupt reaction.
You bite your lip in an effort to shut yourself up, and when Mingyu’s hand makes another move again, your free hand shoots up to stop him.
“Hold on a second, Jungkook,” you say, quickly pressing mute.
Mingyu looks at you with a smirk, playful smile painting his face. “You know you can continue, right?”
At that, your brows furrow even further.
“What are you doing?” You didn’t mean to sound curt but with the way Mingyu’s expression changes, it may have sounded that way.
You… couldn’t help it.
“I wanted to touch you,” Mingyu tells you after a beat of awkward silence. Then, his hand retreats to himself. “Do you not want to?”
There’s guilt that springs up inside you when you see the look on his face as he says those words.
“No, I’m sorry— it’s just… I want to. I just… not with somebody on the phone?” You put it out like a question, unsure of yourself.
The room is quiet for awhile and suddenly there’s a thick tension that hangs in the air.
You reach out for Mingyu but then drop your hand to your sides when he moves to sit on the edge of the bed.
He turns his head to you with an unreadable expression on his face. “Is it because it’s Jungkook?”
You frown at his tone.
It sounded accusatory.
“Excuse me?” You say, taking immediate offense. When Mingyu shrugs, you feel a bit of annoyance bubble up inside you. “I would’ve still stopped you if it was anybody else on the phone, Mingyu.” you say, tone firm and leveled.
“I’m sorry, then.”
But he definitely doesn’t sound like it. His sarcasm makes you snap. “What’s up with you?”
Mingyu opens his mouth to say something but then he closes it again. You watch him with confused eyes, completely at loss of context where he’s at. The night was going fine as usual and suddenly, there’s this.
After a few seconds, Mingyu sighs. “What are you even talking about right now?” He glances at your phone.
“It’s—” you take a glance at it too. “It’s just his pager.”
“Pager?”
“Yes.”
“He asks you about his pager in the middle of the night, knowing full well you’re with me?”
“I—” you stop yourself, words suddenly getting lost in your tongue. Not because you don’t know the answer to his question, but because you hate the way he phrased it – and honestly, you’re starting to feel icky about how he’s going with it. What was he trying to do? Pin you down with accusatory notions?
You don’t fucking get it. Jungkook’s his friend. It’s so bizarre to even think about how Mingyu is seemingly acting jealous over his supposed friend.
“You know what?” You say instead, not wanting to discuss it further with him anymore. It’s just gonna lead to an unnecessary fight – and frankly, you don’t want to deal with his jealousy. It seems so… futile. “Can we just sleep this whole thing off?”
Mingyu looks at you and for the first time, his eyes don’t look gentle. He looks at you with a bit of a frown, and you get it. You do. You’re not exactly happy, either. Not right now, with the way he’s acting.
“Do you want me to go?” You ask, ready to step out of bed.
“I didn’t tell you to.” Mingyu says, voice equally strained.
You sigh. “What do you want me to do, Mingyu? Are you jealous, is that it?” You meant it to be completely rhetorical, not at all expecting him to say anything.
But he answers instantly. “What if I say I am?”
Your lips part. You’re surprised at the confirmation, but you shake your thoughts off it.
“Then it’s completely unnecessary,” you tell him, as genuine as you can sound. When Mingyu doesn’t move in his position on the edge of the bed, you crawl towards him. Testing the waters, you touch his arm to see if he would avoid your touch, but when you do rest your hand on his shoulder, he doesn’t stray. “I like you, Gyu.”
Cocking your head to the side, you watch as his face still sports a cold expression. But he says, “I like you too, you know that,”
“But…?” you try to get out the words from him, because you knew there’s more.
“I don’t want you to think I’m being irrational about this whole thing,” he starts, and you nod your head, trying to show him that you get it. Mingyu licks his lips before he continues, “I just… I guess I just want you to put boundaries around your friendship with Jeon.”
That makes you stop. Nevermind the strange way he called Jungkook by his surname.
“How do you mean by that?” You ask with furrowed brows.
“You’re just really close with him. And you live in one apartment together.” He points out.
“Mingyu…” you say, suddenly feeling tired all over again. “I thought we already talked about that.”
“Doesn’t mean I’m a hundred percent comfortable with it, you know?”
It feels like you got electrocuted by his words the way you quickly retreat your hands. “That’s…” you trail off, not really knowing what to say.
Thankfully, though, Mingyu interjects before you can slip into a dilemma.
“I know, I know about why you’re living with him and all that stuff. We talked about it. It’s just…” he reaches for your hand. Entangling your fingers together, Mingyu brings your knuckles to his lips and presses a kiss there. “I want you all the time. And I guess I really am just jealous – even though it’s juvenile. I’m jealous that he’s known you far longer than me.”
“But— I’m here thrice a week. I make time for the both of us. And it doesn’t really matter how long you’ve known me for, Gyu,” you respond truthfully.
He nods.
“I’m sorry.”
You shake your head. “No, I’m sorry. I guess I just— I got in way over my head that I also forgot to take your feelings into account,”
Mingyu smiles, and there goes his soft gentle expression again.
“I know. It’s fine. You don’t have anything to be sorry about. It’s me who’s being unreasonable.”
“No, it’s not unreasonable,” you tell him. “I get it. Boundaries, Mingyu. I know what you’re talking about.”
Mingyu scooches closer and presses a sweet kiss to your lips. You gladly bask in it, smiling against his lips, keeping your gentle gaze towards him as he breaks away.
“I’m sorry for being a bummer.”
You kiss him again and the way he inserts his tongue in your mouth distracts you a bit but you manage to break the contact. Soon, he’s lying down beside you and when you check your phone, your call with Jungkook has already ended, but there are two messages from him on your notifications.
[12:35am] jaykay🤠: are you still alive [12:38am] jaykay🤠: ok nevermind i’ll hang the call i actually found my pager just now 😭 [12:38am] jaykay🤠: it was in the kitchen counter LOL [12:45am] jaykay🤠: ok bye. night
You were going to reply but decide against it for some reason.
Putting your phone down to the bedside table, you follow Mingyu under the sheets and as usual, you face against his direction just like he does.
Unfortunately, he doesn’t really like cuddling that much. He’d share his space to a certain extent, just like how you got into his bed in the first place, but not the lengths of cuddling together in bed. Mingyu didn’t tell you why – and you don’t want to come off as clingy, so you don’t bother asking.
It’s strange, though. Now that he told you a while ago that he, apparently, “wants you all the time”. Shouldn’t he like to cuddle you in bed, then? But you don’t want to dwell in it too much, afraid that you may be digging yourself a hole if you were to keep it up.
As you lay your cheek on your folded hands, you play back the events of the night and think about how you’ve seen this film before.
When you were in med school, Eunwoo always had something to say about your friendship with Jungkook. He wasn’t direct with it, but with the way he never bothered to make friends with Jungkook or always had a grimace on his face when you mentioned him in passing, it was enough for you to conclude that Eunwoo was always… wary of Jungkook – and definitely in a jealous type of way.
He said almost the exact same thing as Mingyu – that boundaries should be built; that Jungkook and you are too close, why is he calling you in the middle of the night to ask about mundane things, why does he know too much about your mother’s preferences, and why is he buddy-buddy with your dad who otherwise always had an uninterested expression on his face?
It wasn’t even just Mingyu. Your past flings for the past four years you’ve been single always got put off when they heard that you’re rooming with a guy – even more so when you mention that he’s your bestfriend.
You’re not stupid to not see how it looks like from the outside perspective – and you’re not dense to not ever consider the possibility of something romantic brewing within the friendship. You have thought about it before – had an instant crush on him the first time you met at the law library back in post grad school. But it was fleeting at best, especially when Eunwoo came into your life a few weeks later.
Nayeon, Doyeon, and Taehyung have also hinted at it. Sometimes – most of the time, really, teasing you two, especially Taehyung. Even the most mature one among your friends – Yoongi – once told you both to get married at forty. He was joking, though he looked way too serious for someone who was just supposed to be joking.
And there was that one dreadful time in third year of med school when Jungkook almost kissed you.
You buried that memory in the very depths of your mind – not ever wanting to revisit it again. It was a bad time, and it was just not a good thing to look back at. Jungkook acted irresponsible, and you stupidly let yourself be complicit in it, even though you knew better.
Nothing even happened – but that memory was just that. A mere memory. You doubt Jungkook even remembers that himself.
Here’s the thing: you’ve just never seen Jungkook past the person you consider as a friend. You’ve never been weird about the women he dated – or if he dated, at all. He’s also always been supportive of your relationships… as far as you’re concerned. Regardless of what everybody says, you both seem to agree that you’re just better off as friends. You work better that way.
Jungkook’s a good guy, though. He does have tons of flings – but he’s just conventionally attractive and works hard for a body that is to die for. Women like that. Additionally, he has a stable job and even though he annoys you about splitting the delivery fee when you do take-out, he’s actually quite rich – or, his family is – he’d always insist.
You get it though. As a co-resident, you both don’t really make that much (for the work that you do) – at least not yet.
But he was indeed born in generational wealth, coming from a family of doctors, which is why it’s quite impressive that he knows how to handle his life by his own hard work. His intelligence and perseverance are some of the things you admire about him, his drive to make a name for himself and never leeching off his family’s name. Jungkook doesn’t ever brag about how his neurosurgeon dad is one of the best in the country and how his mom is a legend in cardiac surgery – even though sometimes, he could use it a little. He’s playful yet charming; quiet when you’re just knowing him, but he’ll eventually talk a lot when you get close.
As a friend, he’s quite the best you’ve ever had.
And even though you don’t really see him past that, you know in your heart that whoever ends up with him romantically will be a very lucky person.
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“You’re a pussy.”
“Doyeon.”
Doyeon huffs, rolling her eyes so hard at Taehyung’s reprimand and then goes back to glaring at Jungkook again who just looks at her with a pathetic expression.
“What? I’m right. He’s a pussy and you’re an even bigger pussy for defending him being a pussy.” She says, furrowing her eyebrows angrily.
“Why are we talking about pussies?”
Nayeon suddenly enters the on-call room and Jungkook nearly has a heart attack.
“What the hell, you should at least knock. Jesus.” Jungkook says, clutching his chest, looking at Nayeon with an almost offended expression who closes the door behind her.
“Were you scared it was __? See!” Doyeon sighs out in frustration. “Such a fucking pussy.”
“Such a fucking pussy,” Jungkook mocks, using a higher pitch to imitate Doyeon poorly.
“And a child too.” She rolls her eyes and throws him a pillow. It misses Jungkook and hits Taehyung instead.
“Seriously, what are you so mad about today? You have that mood. Did you and your secret boyfriend fight?” Taehyung spits out.
Everybody stills in the room when Doyeon gives him a sharp glare. That pretty much makes everyone shut up, especially Taehyung who makes a show of physically zipping his mouth.
Nayeon fakes a cough and trudges towards Jungkook sitting on one of the beds. She throws her heavy hands on his shoulders, more like slaps, and then looks at Doyeon as she asks, “What are we calling this man a pussy for?”
“Oh, ask him. Or his dumber best friend.” Doyeon rolls his eyes and looks at Taehyung, crossing her arms and leaning her back on the chair she’s sitting on from across the room.
“You’re starting to hurt my feelings and I hate you.” Taehyung says from the other bed.
“Why?” Nayeon ignores their banter and furrows her brows at Jungkook curiously.
Jungkook hisses under his breath. “It’s nothing. She calls me a pussy for literally everything.”
Doyeon butts in. “Yeah, are you gonna cry?”
“If __ was here, she’s gonna be on my side, you know that?” Jungkook rebuts.
“If __ was here, you’d be panicking because she’ll know about your little secret.”
“Oof.” Taehyung comments.
“Oh, Jungkookie…” Nayeon looks down at him with worried eyes. When he looks up with a sad look, she starts rubbing his shoulders as some sort of comfort, already knowing about what this might be about. “This is about… the thing?”
He nods weakly. “Yes. And no. Uh, well, this is… you know about the birthday trip in the next five days, right? So, she asked me if she could bring, uh, Mingyu along.”
“Oh.” Nayeon utters, looking at Doyeon for confirmation.
Doyeon nods, and then nags, “Ask him what he said.”
Nayeon looks at him. “What did you say?”
“I said yes.”
“Oh.”
Jungkook looks down in slight shame at Nayeon’s reaction. She completely stops her hands’ ministrations on his shoulder, indicating that even she could not believe what he just did.
This makes Jungkook even feel worse.
Leaning his elbow on his thighs, he runs his fingers through his hair as he says, “I mean, how could I have said no? I would’ve looked like an asshole. Besides, Mingyu and I are college friends. There’s no reason for me to prohibit him from this trip. Like, at all.”
“Yeah, you and Mingyu are college friends but, ultimately, it’s our trip, right? __ would’ve understood if you said no.” Doyeon says, still not over her justification from a while ago.
“I know, I know. But still… I didn’t want to say no to her.” Jungkook tells Doyeon, not having a lot to say more than that.
It’s the plain truth, anyway. He truly, simply does not want to say no to you. Not ever.
“But Jungkook…” Nayeon interrupts. “Would it be okay for you? We know how you feel about the whole – er – Mingyu thing. Can you really take them being close together? Especially on a trip for your birthday?”
Though Nayeon’s voice is soft and her gaze gentle, her words hit him like a ton of bricks.
Truthfully, he doesn’t know what to feel about the whole thing. You dating Mingyu is one thing, but you bringing him along on your trips is another. It means that he’s it.
That you’re getting serious.
He hates himself for hating the idea. Jungkook’s always wanted to be nothing but supportive of you. He’d done it perfectly well with Eunwoo before, and your flings in the past four years have never upgraded past to being solely flings so he never worried about them, but now with Mingyu… it’s hard to pretend like it’s not killing him when you talk about how much you like him.
You have that lovestruck look on your face when Mingyu comes up in a conversation. For the first time in a while, you look genuinely happy. Jungkook always thought that your feelings for Eunwoo still lingered over the past few years – and how could it not, when you were literally engaged to him for a year? You told him one time that he may have been your greatest love… and he fears that it might be the same with Mingyu.
Where does that exactly leave him?
“What I think doesn’t really matter. And it’s just for week.” he murmurs, but the others hear it anyway.
“An excruciating week, you mean.” Doyeon says. She stands up from her chair. “You know what, I’m over this whole thing. I’ve witnessed you pine over her for whole eight years – and I’m just – I’m moving on from this. And I have a surgery. I’m going out.”
Jungkook grimaces when Doyeon heads towards the door.
“Doyeon, don’t be mean to Jungkook. He’s trying his best, you know? The timing is just not right and—”
“What timing?”
As soon as Doyeon twisted the doorknob, pulling the door open to completely head out, you came barging in, cutting off Nayeon’s words.
Her eyes widen a little at your sudden arrival. And Jungkook scrambles to think of an effort to swerve the subject, but Taehyung beats him to it.
“__, heyyy,” he prolongs the word quite unnaturally, chuckling at the end of it for no reason. Jungkook internally notes to tell him later never dare try to save anything ever again.
That makes you furrow your brows in confusion. Directing your look to Doyeon who stopped on her tracks, you ask her instead, “What’s going on? What about Jungkook trying his best?”
Doyeon looks at Jungkook and then you. You wait, but then she just rolls her eyes – just completely done about the whole thing. Like she said earlier.
“He’s trying his best not to be a pussy – well, allegedly.” At that, she goes out of the room, ignoring your calls to pull her back in.
“Uh… I think I have a surgery in twenty. See you guys around. Gotta scrub in.” Taehyung jumps from the other bed and Jungkook makes sure to extend his leg forward so that the older guy trips on it as he walks. “What the fuck, man.” Taehyung looks at him, offense written all over his face.
Jungkook gives him a glare. Taehyung chooses to ignore it rather than prolong it and walks past you at the door.
“Bye, fuckers.”
“Don’t call me a fucker!” Nayeon chimes in but Taehyung’s already out of the room.
“Hey, seriously! What was that?” You head towards the bed where Jungkook and Nayeon are, situating yourself on the far end of the bed to lean on the frame. You take off your sneakers in one swift move and lay your feet on Jungkook’s lap.
“It’s nothing. You know how Doyeon always bullies me…” Jungkook says, ignoring the tingling sensation that starts to creep up his spine at the way you casually initiate physical contact.
He needs to get a grip. You most probably don’t really mean anything by it.
“She does not bully you.” Nayeon rolls her eyes beside him.
“You probably deserve it.” you say, pulling out and eating some strawberry yogurt.
Nayeon laughs at your remark, but then it’s cut short when a pager suddenly beeps. Instantly, all of you take out your own and check if it was yours.
“Alright, that’s my call.”
“Bye. Good luck.” You say, offering your cup to Nayeon, but she only shakes her head. Meanwhile, Jungkook gives her a pair of thumbs up.
When Nayeon leaves the room, you nudge Jungkook with your foot.
“Hey,”
Jungkook looks at you with a brow raised.
“Can you rub my foot? Please rub my foot.” You say, making the best rendition of puppy face, extending your sock-cladded foot in his direction.
He scoffs. “Do you think I’m a pushover?”
You gasp dramatically. “I do not! I think you’re a cool person who’d totally give me foot rubs.”
“Unfortunately, I’m not a cool person who would give you foot rubs.”
You groan. “I gave you a massage weeks ago.”
“That was, like, two months ago.” Jungkook says drily.
“It counts because you didn’t do anything to repay me for my kindness.”
“Oh, you need your kindness paid back?” Jungkook teases, wiggling his eyebrows at you.
You pout at him and then whine. “Please, just three minutes, I swear. I’ll even put up a timer.”
Indeed, Jungkook is a pushover. Pushover to your cute pout and every request. Again, he could just not find it in himself to say no to you. Not even in his wildest dreams.
But it’s never not fun to tease you before he relents. “Fine. Two minutes.” He says, pretending to begrudge the thought of giving you a foot massage, even though inside, he’s quite thrilled to be doing so.
It would be a lie to say that it isn’t one of his favorite past times in the quiet evenings of your apartment. Jungkook loves the weight of your leg on his lap, loves the way you thank him in between groans, and loves that he just gets to be close to you in almost such an intimate way.
“Your feet stink.” Jungkook decides to tease, scrunching his nose, feigning disgust.
“Don’t lie. Also, your feet stink even more, don’t try me.”
“My feet do not stink.”
“Let’s just agree to disagree,” You grin. “I’m starting a timer.” You say, grabbing your phone, pressing some stuff on it before you put it on the mattress.
“Let me see, for all I know, you set it to five instead of three.”
You look at him with widen eyes, stiffening.
“It’s three minutes.”
“Your nostrils are flaring, you’re lying.”
You groan. “Please. Dinner is on me later.”
That obviously catches Jungkook’s attention.
“You’re staying at home for the night?”
You look at him weird. “Yeah, of course. What’s with that face?”
Jungkook shakes his head, hides a small smile as he looks down to your feet on his lap and takes a hold of one. He takes off your sock for you and begins massaging the tendons of your foot, noting the way you immediately lean back and relax.
“Nothing. I just thought you’d be staying at Mingyu’s again.”
“Ah,” you nod your head. When Mingyu's name is mentioned, you visibly frown. It’s the kind of face that you make when you’re deep in thought. “I was supposed to. But I don’t know… we fought this morning.”
Jungkook raises a brow. “You wanna talk about it?”
You shrug. “Not really. It’s a weird argument. I don’t know.”
He wants so badly to poke around and find out… but somehow, there’s something in him that tells him not to bother.
Anyway, you’re going home tonight so that’s all that matters. Jungkook begins to think about what to eat for dinner… he’d love to cook something, nevermind that he’s tired from his overnight shift yesterday. He also only got around four total hours of sleep in the past 48 hours, and that was not even consecutive hours – just the sum. That is why he was in the on-call rooms, until Taehyung suddenly barged in, followed by Doyeon, Nayeon, and then you.
“Oh– there, that’s so good, Jungkook,” you say after a particularly hard press against the ball of your heel.
Jungkook knows better than to let his mind wander upon hearing that from you. He’s massaging you, of course that was gonna be the natural reaction.
It’s also quite pathetic to be even thinking about it in the first place – considering that your mind might most likely be weighed by yours and Mingyu’s argument – your boyfriend.
“Hey, about what I said a few days ago,” you started to speak again, breaking the momentary silence. Jungkook hums to acknowledge you. “I know you said yes to me bringing Mingyu along, but, uh, I’m not sure if he still plans to.”
“Ah,” Jungkook nods. Was the argument that bad? “Okay.”
“Yeah. He has to fly over to Arizona for something that week. Told me he may be able to arrive and join us on the second day, which is the exact date of your birthday, but honestly, I’m not sure. His sched changes a lot.”
Deep down, Jungkook wishes Mingyu just opts out of joining in altogether.
But he doesn’t have to tell you that.
“That’s a shame.” he comments, not really meaning it. He massages your other foot with ginger hands, which has you letting out soft sighs again. Jungkook buries them in the back of his head, lest his mind goes to territories that are absolutely humiliating.
“I know…” you trail off. You look like you have more to say as well, but then the door to the room opens. Again.
“Forgot my pager.” Doyeon announces, crossing the room with quick steps to reach for the forgotten thing she left on the table.
When Doyeon’s gaze falls back to the both of you, she raises a brow, and then her eyes direct their way towards Jungkook’s hands on your foot.
You’re about to say something when Doyeon rolls his eyes at Jungkook. Then, without giving you the opportunity to speak, she heads out of the room quickly, leaving Jungkook to look in another direction in quiet shame.
“What was that?” You comment, confused at what just happened.
“Eh, she’s in a sour mood today. It’s regular Doyeon.” Shrugs Jungkook, trying to swerve the subject.
You pout. “Are you two fighting again for real?”
Jungkook chuckles. “No, it’s not serious. You know how Doyeon and I get.”
You squint your eyes, but say nothing nonetheless.
Meanwhile, Jungkook hisses internally.
Jungkook gets Doyeon. You all have been friends since freshman year of med school – the founder of your study group – and she was also the first one to find out about Jungkook’s little crush. He didn’t even have to say it explicitly, she just knew. Eventually, Jungkook told Taehyung. He has quite a big mouth, unfortunately, so when you started your internship at the hospital – he lets it slip in a conversation with Nayeon who was just becoming your friend that time – leading the situation to where it is right now.
Out of all of them, though, Doyeon got it pretty hard. She’s witnessed the early stages of Jungkook’s infatuation towards you in the first semester of med school, had to keep quiet during study sessions. She was even supportive that time, telling Jungkook to just go for it – but then Eunwoo happened, and the confession never saw the light of day.
When they broke up, Doyeon became hopeful again, just as Jungkook was. But you were showing no signs of moving on and Jungkook had no choice but to step back for a bit.
The past two years, though, Doyeon became more insistent, telling him you’re single and it’s the fattest chance Jungkook can ever get.
But she’s right, after all. Jungkook’s a pussy. He hides his feelings well – a pro at the sport, really, at this point.
When Mingyu happened a few months ago, Doyeon’s just over it. She told Jungkook one time in a drinking session that the ship has sunk and he’s going to be in his sixties regretting not ever confessing to you. Sometimes, he wakes up at night in sweat from a nightmare that involved Doyeon murdering him because of his emotional constipation.
Jungkook knows she just wants the best for him – even though she’s more on showing him tough love instead of a gentle one. Doyeon’s always been like that, but she’s a good friend. When things went haywire, she was there to genuinely sympathize with him and console him – together with Taehyung and some of his other friends.
But in Jungkook’s defense, Doyeon just also doesn’t get it.
It’s so easy to just say fuck it and make a confession already, so easy to think about how things could turn positively – but she’s not – they’re not – in Jungkook’s shoes. They will never be.
So many things could go wrong if he ever were to listen to his heart. Sure, he’s had the chance over the past four years – most would say that. But it’s not a chance when you’ve spent half of it moving on from Eunwoo. It’s not a chance when you spent the other half trying to go on dates and fail – each one making you more miserable about your love life, as you told him so many nights ago in those rare special moments in the balcony of your apartment.
Those four years you were single was never a chance – not when you never showed any bit of interest.
It’s the reality that his friends always somehow miss when encouraging him to confess his feelings.
You’re friends for almost a decade now – eight years to be exact – but not once did you ever hint at wanting to be in a relationship with him. Your reaction to that always involved a disgusted expression and a variation of “No way!”. Might be a joke just to tease him – but also might be rooted in something genuine deep down.
Jungkook likes to think that physically, he doesn’t look so bad. He’s nice when he wants to be, especially towards people he cares about. He’s a resident surgeon who makes enough. Could be funny, charming… whatever.
Most of all, he likes to think he could deserve you one of these days. That he could be the man that you’re searching for.
But it’s been eight years and you’ve never once looked at him like how he surely does at you.
God knows how many times Jungkook has tried to move on – how many sleepless nights he has trying to erase the feeling of so much longing for you. Sometimes, it works, when he’s on his casual dates and hook-up with all those women that thankfully fancied him enough. He momentarily forgets about your laugh and your hair and the crinkles on the sides of your eyes when you smile and your soft hands and your gentle voice – but it cracks when the sex is done and he’s staring at the blank ceiling of his date’s apartment, hating himself for yet again seeing your picture in his memory when he’s buried in somebody else, wishing it was you instead.
It hurts so badly. Especially when you seem to look at everybody else except him. You wanted to weed out someone for you – meanwhile, he’s just right under your nose, and yet you don’t see him. It’s at this point, when you have Mingyu as your boyfriend now, that Jungkook is starting to realize that you don’t see him not because you can’t, but because you choose not to.
Regardless, he knows you love him. Knows you care about him on a deeper level. Would probably sacrifice a bit of your time to tend to him if he needs it. But it’s the kind of love that’s not comparable to the one he has for you. Jungkook’s feelings encompass every single kind of love a human could have for another being – but you only have one kind for him. The platonic kind.
And even though it’s painful to face the reality of that very idea, Jungkook thinks that maybe… just maybe… Mingyu’s actually it.
Mingyu wasn’t exactly a saint the last time Jungkook saw him, but people change and the way you seem so genuinely happy these days tells Jungkook that maybe Mingyu’s another version of himself now – the better one who will never hurt you or make you cry.
Maybe this is what love’s all about. You’re content with seeing them happy, even if it’s not with you.
Jungkook thinks that as he steals a glance at you looking at your phone – most probably playing that landlord game on your phone you’ve been obsessed with the past few weeks – and you’re so beautiful like this. Even when you’re probably running on limited hours of sleep just like him.
Your hair is put up in that tulip hairclip you have a lot of, stray hairs framing some parts of your face. But he sees your features just fine – notes the way they are structured so perfectly it truly awes him that men and women didn’t beg for your attention whenever you went out in public.
Because he would. He did. He does. He always teases you for the purpose of your reaction… because Jungkook likes it when you pay attention to him. So much that it kills him to think that maybe, that attention will die soon as you and Mingyu get closer as another week passes by.
The timer that goes off on your phone snaps Jungkook out of his thoughts, and you look at him with widened eyes.
“Don’t st–”
“It’s my turn now,” Jungkook cuts you off and gently places your legs on the mattress, bringing his own on the soft surface as well.
You jut your bottom lip out – and Jungkook feels himself wanting to give in.
“Five minutes is so quick.” You say, but nonetheless takes his shin to your lap.
Jungkook tries hard to sway the butterflies in his stomach at your touch.
“Favor for a favor, remember?” He teases, lifting one of his foot to your direction.
You pretend to gag. “I hate you.”
Jungkook laughs, quite boisterously. Because he knows you don’t mean it. I hate you basically just means I love you but you’re annoying me right now in your own little dictionary – and he always gets giddy whenever you tell him that – as weird as it may sound.
But Jungkook likes this, though.
Sure, it would be so fucking great if he could just confess and lay out his cards all at once, but the chances of you not taking it well is too big – and even though Jungkook’s usually a risk taker, he couldn’t ever risk you all over his dead body.
He can keep his hurt to himself over you feeling anything but romantic towards him – because if he confesses and you don’t feel the same way, he knows damn well that he’ll lose you completely.
And the thought makes him shudder.
That probably catches your sight, so you ask him about it.
Jungkook tells you it’s the AC.
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[ DAY 1 | August 31st, 11:04am ]
The beating sun feels uncomfortable on Jungkook’s skin, but there’s no way he’s wasting a day like this holed up in the villa he and his friends chipped in to rent. It costed you all a shit ton of money – might as well enjoy every waking day he gets to spend here.
It’s why he decides to goad Taehyung and Nayeon into coming with him along the shore where sun loungers are lined up to accommodate the few visitors who were also at the resort. He tried to convince Doyeon, but she goes straight to sleep as soon as the rooms were assigned.
He gets it – you all did travel by plane instead of car (because that would've taken you twelve hours) and Doyeon gets airsick whenever she rides in a plane. Jungkook also tried to talk you into it, but you said you were just going to lounge about by the pool at the villa and follow after a while.
Your “after awhile” takes about thirty minutes, and Jungkook thinks you’re missing all the fun, especially when Nayeon and Taehyung are starting to strip off their clothes to submerge themselves in the ocean.
With his loaded watergun, he goes straight back to the villa, and it doesn’t take much time to spot you by the terrace, lying down on a sun lounger with your big hat and sunglasses on, a book opened in your hands.
Unsuspecting, you let out a sudden squeal when Jungkook presses the trigger of the toy in his grip, a spring of water meeting your bare legs. Jungkook obviously tries hard to ignore that you’re wearing a flimsy pair of white bikinis. He saw you pack it two days ago… and he remembers taking too long to move on from the image he’s conjured up in his head upon seeing it.
“Jungkook!”
He chuckles at your reaction, poorly hiding the watergun behind him. “What?”
“I’ll kill you.” You seethe, your body coming forward to sit upright, hastily taking your sunnies off so he can see the cute glare on your face.
“What are you going to do? I have this,” He points to his weapon. “Are you challenging me into a hand-to-hand combat?” Jungkook teases, wiggling his eyebrow.
You groan. Then, you lay back on the lounger again, opening your book, deciding to ignore him.
Jungkook can’t have that, of course. So, he walks closer to your direction, stopping beside you, effectively blocking the sun and in turn, dimming the light source of your book.
“You’re blocking my sun.” You say, looking up at him.
“You’ll get all the sun you want if you haul your ass off to the shore. Come on, we’re all swimming in there,” he tries to convince you, nudging your thigh with his knee.
You give him a pout. You sound whiny when you say, “But it’s too hot.”
“That’s why we’ll get in the water.”
“Don’t be sassy.” You roll your eyes. “I meant the water would be way too hot.”
“It’s not, Nayeon said so.”
You glance at the pool across from you. “Why can’t we all just swim in here?”
Jungkook deadpans. “Because this is a five-foot pool and absolutely no one will enjoy it.”
You frown at him, quietly telling Jungkook he’s right.
“Ugh,” you groan. “But I’ll have to reapply SPF first…” You grab the bottle of lotion that’s just placed on the small table on the side of the lounger. Then you look at him with squinted eyes, “Did you wear sunscreen?”
Jungkook rolls his eyes but nonetheless says yes, knowing how you always nag him about it whenever you guys are at the beach. It’s not even just him. It’s also with your other friends.
He watches as you rub lotion over your body, but when you get to the back, you look up at him and extend the bottle towards his way.
“Can you help me with this, please?” You say.
Jungkook automatically takes the bottle but it takes him a full five seconds to understand what you’re getting at.
You’re asking him to put sunscreen on your back. You’re very naked back that sports nothing but the tiny strings of your bikini holding your chest.
Of course, you don’t notice his dilemma. Twisting in your seat so that your back faces him, you gather your hair to the side, obviously waiting for him to do your request.
But Jungkook’s distracted behind your back. He’s distracted at how smooth it looks under the scorching sun and how easy it would be to paint it with something other than the natural color of your skin.
It’s not even the first time he’ll do this – you’ve been to trips before and putting on sunscreen over your friend is about as natural as it gets like how he would do it as well to Taehyung or even Doyeon or Nayeon if they ask to.
But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect him one bit when it comes to you.
Needless to say, his mind is pre-occupied as he sits down behind you where you left some space for him to sit, squirting the lotion into the palms of his hands, gingerly spreading it over your back once he got it.
“Be sure to cover everything,” you say, obviously not aware about Jungkook’s mental crisis behind your back.
He thinks it’s worth the crisis over though, as you’re so soft under his touch. Jungkook kneads the span of your back, squeezes your waist lightly to even out the cream, and makes sure to put it over your shoulders as well. When his hands fall, he hesitates.
“Should I – uh—”
“Yeah, just go under the strings.” You tell him before he can even finish.
There’s a lump in his throat that he swallows before he goes under the strings of your bikini top, his heart doing funny somersaults against his ribcage as he spreads the lotion over your skin. It guilts him to no end that his mind thinks about how he’s just inches away from your breasts.
He retreats his hand right away. “Done.”
You turn back to him. “Thanks. You want me to do yours?”
“Sure.”
Jungkook sits on the edge of the lounger and lets his back turn to you. He hears the cap of the lotion bottle being opened again and soon your hands are lathering the cream over the expanse of his back.
It’s embarrassing the way he lets himself savor the seconds of your every touch. Embarrassing the way his mind zeroes in on the way your soft hands caress the tendons of his back muscles. He thinks about the weight, how good this feels; your hands on him. Suddenly, there’s a zap of electricity that goes through his spine, and then he feels it.
The twitch in his dick and the blood that he feels rushing to it.
“Okay, you’re done.” You say, tapping his back twice so he can turn to you.
It snaps him out of his thoughts, but his dick is thinking about something else and as he subtly looks down, there’s already a growing semi on the crotch of his trunk shorts.
Jungkook curses himself internally, shutting his eyes close in slight frustration.
Fucking uncooperative dick.
He stands up from the chair when you nudge his back with your foot, thinking that he’d see you coming along in a few seconds. But you don’t, and as he turns his heel to look at you, you’re back in your cozy lying position on the lounger, with your book opened, just like how he saw you when he came in a while ago.
Jungkook parts his lips in disbelief, but also finding the whole thing funny.
“You minx.” He muses, playfully squinting his eyes at you upon realizing the trick you just pulled.
“Enjoy the beach, Jungkook. Send my regards to Taehyung and Nayeon.” You say, giving him a taunting flying kiss. “And thank you for reapplying my sunscreen.”
Jungkook chuckles at your remark, and just like that, he forgets about his stubborn dick, and goes over back to you, blocking your sun once again.
“You’re blocking my sun again— Jungkook!”
It’s predictable the way you hurl a series of creative curses at him as Jungkook forcefully picks you up from the chair, knocking your hat and your book on the ground as he hoists you against his shoulder, carrying you upside down like a sack of potatoes.
“Jungkook, I swear to god!” You squeal, repeatedly slapping his back as he walks to the direction of the shore, but Jungkook’s nothing but a solid muscle, firm over his hold on the back of your legs.
“Be quiet.” He says, chuckling at your sounds of opposition.
“I hate you, you’re such a prick, ugh!”
He picks up his walking pace and you scream again when you see the ocean water from your view.
Jungkook chuckles as you continue to plant your fists on his back, and when the water reaches his knees, he throws you in it.
“Fuck. You!” You say, glaring at Jungkook in the middle of his uncontrollable laughter.
“Come on, Taehyung and Nayeon are over there,” he points to the deeper part of the ocean a few feet from where you are, and when you turn your head, you see Taehyung and Nayeon with their floaties.
“Ugh…” Jungkook hears you groan before you follow behind him. When Jungkook looks back, he sees you paddling around the water like some puppy, and he snickers to himself. That earns him a splash on his way, with you rolling your eyes at him.
“Jungkook! __!” Yells Nayeon over their direction, waving her hand around. Taehyung and her are perched on the big floatie they fought over with at the villa earlier.
“Jungkook,” calls you behind him.
You’re starting to cross the deeper part of the ocean and it’s within Jungkook’s chest now. Meanwhile, your friends are still about a few feet away, so the level would definitely be on his neck by the time. You’re considerably tall, but Jungkook’s still half a head taller than you, so when he looks back at you, the water’s already reached your shoulders.
“This is way too deep!” You complain.
“Don’t be a pussy, __!” Comments Taehyung from afar.
“Fuck off,” you murmur and then beckons Jungkook to you. “Help me a bit here.”
Jungkook shakes his head, chuckling as he moves a few steps back to get to your direction.
“You big baby, you never learned how to swim, have you?” He teases, playfully clicking his tongue.
“What for?” You say when he gets near.
Jungkook feels pleased with himself about you asking for his help to cross the deeper part of the ocean, but he’s met with surprise when you heavily plant your palms on his shoulders, causing him to be out of balance and tripping over his feet under the water.
It causes a misstep and he nearly chokes as he comes back up for air again only to see you laughing your ass off. Nayeon and Taehyung are also laughing along, even from afar, and Jungkook wipes the back of his hand over his eyes to see clearly.
“That’s for throwing me in the water earlier,” you say in between your snickers and Jungkook’s just about to say something back when you suddenly wrap your hands around his neck from the back, your legs locking around his waist. “Carry me to the floatie, pretty please,” you say against his cheek in a sing-song voice.
With that, Jungkook feels your whole entire body against his back, your breasts pressing against his skin. He ignores the way the physical contact makes his body tingle, and he hopes you don’t notice his blush when he raises his arms to hold the back of your legs.
“Only because you’re annoying.” He pretends to sound annoyed, but the laugh that comes out of you at the remark makes him smile anyway.
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[ DAY 1 | August 31st, 11:35pm ]
Your daytime activities at the beach included jetskiing – one that knocked Taehyung off the water way too many times that he just gave up halfway through it. When Doyeon woke up a little later in the afternoon, all of you decided to get food from the dining hall and ate your hearts out at the buffet.
The day ended with all of you back in your assigned rooms again. Since you rented a two-bedroom villa, Jungkook’s rooming with Taehyung in the secondary bedroom while Nayeon, Doyeon, and you are all inside the primary one since it’s bigger.
It’s past thirty minutes to eleven in the night when somebody knocks on Jungkook’s shared bedroom with Taehyung. When Jungkook looks at him from across the room, he’s knocked out on the sofa, soft snores coming out from his mouth. Him and Jungkook decided to take turns with the bed itself throughout the whole vacation. There’s an extra cushion Taehyung could’ve laid on the floor, but he was way too tired to set it up and to even care – looks like he doesn’t really need it, though, since he looks so peaceful in his position.
Grumbling, Jungkook gets out from the sheets, scratching his bare chest and rubbing the back of his head as he walks over to the door to open it.
When he does, he’s welcomed by the sight of you in your big grey hoodie and some shorts.
“Wear something.” You say as soon as you take in his appearance.
Jungkook’s habit of going to sleep with only his boxers knows no bounds. Even when it’s below 20 degrees Celsius outside, he always opts out of his pajamas, choosing to go bare in his sheets instead. In his defense for now, the duvet is thick and it provided him with enough protection against the cold of the AC and the summer night.
“What are you doing here?” He says as he trudges back inside the room to wear a pair of sweatpants hanging from the chair.
“Rude.” You comment, following him in the room. You look at Taehyung’s passed out state in the couch. “He’s going to wake up in the evening tomorrow and miss your birthday.”
That makes Jungkook smirk, remembering Taehyung’s high energy in the morning.
“No consequences. It’s vacation week.” Jungkook raises his eyebrows. “Seriously, what brought you here? It’s almost midnight.”
You sit on the edge of the bed. That’s when Jungkook notices the black plastic you’re carrying in your hand. “It’s not that late. Let’s head out for a bit.”
He raises a brow, confused. “Where to?”
“You’re going to find out. Wear a jacket, it’s a bit cold outside.” You say as you stand up from the bed again, heading for the door.
Jungkook’s confusion just grows with passing seconds. Nonetheless, he can’t say he’s not intrigued.
Unsure, he goes for his small luggage and takes out the only hoodie he packed. It’s grey as well, matching the one you have on. Jungkook tries to shake that thought off his head as you both quietly head out of the room.
It’s late into the night and when you head out of the villa, there’s not many people hanging along the shore anymore.
“Follow me,” you tell him, and Jungkook does.
It may have been his drowsiness that kept him quiet throughout the whole walk – just quietly following along with you, your rented villa no longer in his line of sight. Jungkook couldn’t exactly pinpoint where you currently are, but this side of the beach is a bit rocky, and much, much colder. He feels it even through the thick material of his hoodie.
“We’re here.” You announce, a proud lilt to your voice. Jungkook bumps with your back when you suddenly stop on your tracks. It prompts a chuckle from you, turning back to him so Jungkook sees the crinkles on the sides of your eyes as you do so.
It makes his lips curl. “What’s this?” He curiously asks, looking around.
Your grin grows wider. “We’re gonna take those stairs and it’s gonna lead us to some pretty view.” Jungkook looks to the direction you pointed at, seeing the stairs you just referred to. Still unsure, he glances back at you. You laugh. “You remember when Doyeon and I went out for a walk earlier for a bit? We found this place.”
Jungkook nods. “I see. Thought for a second there you found a place to dispose my body at.”
You snort as you take Jungkook’s wrist to hold on to as you climb to the stairs.
“I won’t do it as such a public place.”
“So, you really are thinking about it in the first place.” Jungkook nods his head, guiding your back up the jagged stairs. You manage to get to the smoother surface and Jungkook’s quick to follow you towards the straight path of the narrow walkway.
“It’s my favorite past time, really.” You look back at him cheekily, a playful grin painting your lips. Jungkook scoffs.
The hallway is colonnaded with some flags, and there’s an edge where the concrete stops, the ocean water splashing against the big rocks beneath the broken bridge.
You set aside the black plastic you’ve been carrying around and Jungkook realizes they’re Smirnoffs. Sitting on the concrete, you let your feet hang on the edge.
“Hey, be careful,” Jungkook comments as he sees you do that. This part of the ocean isn’t necessarily far – where you were earlier when you were swimming was far deeper, but still, it could be dangerous if you make a mistake. Jungkook wonders what the designers of the beach thought about when they made this plan.
“Come on, don’t be fussy. Sit here with me.” You say, patting the space beside you.
Jungkook follows, of course, and you scoot to the side a little to give him more room.
“It’s nice, right,” You look at him, cocking your head to the side.
Jungkook feels the breeze of cool wind passing, and it’s a bit strong that it moves his fringes and yours as well. You put your hair up as usual in that big metal clip you always wear, but some strands of your hair escape and they frame your face.
With your big hoodie on and smile, Jungkook thinks you look extra cozy. He may have been hot and bothered by your bikini ensemble earlier, but now he’s bothered for another reason. He can’t stop thinking about cuddling you under the night sky full of stars at the very moment.
“Feels good.” Jungkook comments. He plants his palms on the hard surface of the concrete behind him, leaning back as he looks to your side. “You wanted to drink here?”
“Oh, yeah,” You say, twisting your body a little to pick up the plastic cellophane. You take out two bottles of Smirnoffs and offer one to him which he gladly takes. Taking a bottle opener out, you’re about to open your drinks when Jungkook offers to do it for the both of you. You don’t protest, just let him do his thing, smiling when he hands you your Smirnoff.
“This is really nice.” Jungkook sighs after he takes the first sip, looking straight ahead to the mountainous view in front of you.
You hum, seemingly enjoying the moment as well. Jungkook takes a quick glance at your side profile and then quickly looks back ahead when he feels you do the same.
“Why’d you bring me here?” He asks.
“Nothing. I couldn’t sleep, and I thought I could bring you here. So.” You shrug.
Jungkook nods.
“I’m turning thirty-one tomorrow. Or, in an hour, actually.” He says, automatically looking at his wrist but then realizing he took off his watch and left it at the bedside table. He didn’t take his phone with him either.
“I know. You’re so old now.” You tell him with a teasing tone in your words.
“Fuck off,” he snorts. “I’m only a year older than you.”
“Hmm… still old. Imagine, you turn fifty, I would still be forty-nine.”
Jungkook laughs at that.
“Whatever makes you sleep at night, babe.” He lets the pet name slip, and he did not mean to. It just rolled off his tongue for some reason. Quite easily, too.
You don’t seem to care – or even notice – as you chuckle.
There’s a comfortable silence that hangs in the air again when Jungkook decides to break it.
“Hey, I really appreciate you for coming along. You and the gang, really. This is a really good trip so far.”
You give him a smile as you look at him. It’s one of those pretty ones that are a bit small but there’s a certain shine to your eyes and Jungkook just really loves looking at you with a smile on your face. You’re so pretty, he thinks he’s so lucky to even get the chance to look at you.
“You know we all need this trip, right? I think it’s all our first time vacationing in two years.”
He nods, chuckling to himself. It’s true. The last time was the Thailand trip and it felt like eons ago. Being a resident surgeon means less free time for leisure – and so you always make sure to spend your days off wisely. Even this trip took a lot of pre-planning to be possible just so all of your schedules would match.
“It’s crazy, though…” you say suddenly.
Jungkook cocks a brow at you. “What’s crazy?”
“That we’ve known each other for like – what? Eight years?”
Eight years and four months to be exact. Jungkook’s not keeping count – he just will never forget the exact moment he met you for the very first time.
It’s truly one of his core memories – knowing you. He remembers having to pass by the law library to meet Jimin – one of his closest friends who was studying law at the same grad school as him at the time. They were planning to eat out for lunch, but then he saw a woman at the individual study areas with a reading material that’s familiar with his. Netter’s Atlas of Human Anatomy. You wore that maroon hairclip you loved so much during first year (Jungkook remembers you losing it in the second semester and how he bought you another one in your birthday), and when you looked up from your book for awhile, taking a break from taking notes on your iPad, that was when Jungkook saw your face and he nearly falls over back then.
It’s common knowledge among your mutual friends and acquaintances that you’re pretty. It’s the first thing that Jungkook noticed about you, the reason why he harbored an instant crush. That pretty much turned into… well – something deeper as the years passed by and he got to know you more than just your beautiful physical appearance.
He found it strange at the time to find somebody who was obviously a med student studying at the law library, but he soon found out it was because you didn’t like studying at the med lib, said you felt too much pressure being among your fellow med students. Jungkook understood that in a spiritual level, and so when you became friends, you studied a lot at the law lib, until you met Doyeon and she formed a study group. It wasn’t long before Taehyung joined the equation.
Looking back at it, Jungkook thinks it’s surreal. How knowing you led to him knowing more people that would soon be important in his life up until the age of thirty-one.
“Almost a decade.” He says, can’t help but smile at the thought.
“Right? It feels so surreal sometimes that we all knew each other at, like, twenty-three and twenty two. And now we’re in our thirties.”
“When you put it like that…” Jungkook trails off, laughing at how young you actually were eight years ago.
“Yeah, I know!” You giggle. You look ahead, then you laugh again to yourself. Jungkook looks at you in confusion, giving you a questioning look at your sudden burst of laughter. Looking at him, you shake your head, “This is a bit of a TMI, but I was twenty-two when I entered med school, so I just lost my virginity three years ago. You know what’s funny? I’ve always thought I would lose my virginity, at like, thirty. Or twenty-seven. But that was even way too early for me.”
Jungkook almost splutters at the way you casually bring it up. He takes the bottle of Smirnoff away from him and looks at you with a chuckle. “Losing your virginity at nineteen is common.”
“Well, did you? Lose yours at nineteen?” You arch a brow.
“Nope.” Jungkook shakes his head, tipping his head back to drink again.
“Younger?” You ask again.
Jungkook chuckles at your curiosity. Much to your surprise, he shakes his head again. “Nah. Junior year. I just turned twenty-one. Lost it with my first girlfriend.”
Your lips part and Jungkook meets your shocked stare, brow cocked upwards.
“You’re fucking with me.”
“What? No, I’m not.” He laughs. He gets your surprise, though. Taehyung couldn’t believe it either when it came up in a random conversation.
You still look incredulous as you say, “You mean, like you never dated until junior year of undergrad?”
Jungkook shakes his head once again. “Yes, and no…? I mean, I had a… sort of girlfriend? Back in highschool, yeah, but it was more of like a mutual crush thing rather than an official relationship. But yeah, never dated and never had sex ‘til I found my first girlfriend in third year.”
You look at him suspiciously still, and Jungkook can’t help but laugh even more at your reaction.
“I really don’t believe you.”
“What’s so surprising about that?” Jungkook knows the answer, though. He sleeps around, and you know that. It’s probably why you can’t believe he’s only started having sex until third year of college.
You’re quiet for a bit.
“So… you and that girlfriend broke up, and then…” you trail off, letting him finish the pieces.
Jungkook chuckles, recalling some memories that he thought were already hidden well at the back of his head.
Jiyeon. Her name was Park Jiyeon, his first girlfriend. He was the one who ended things – and not because he didn’t have feelings for her. It was the other way around.
“Yeah,” Jungkook fills in. “Didn’t date seriously after that.”
“Uh… was it a bad break-up?” You say, and there’s hesitance in your voice. When Jungkook looks at you, you open your mouth to take your question back, probably, but Jungkook just gives you a warm smile.
“Yeah. It was bad. But I don’t really think about it now.”
You nod. “I see.” You say, looking ahead at the ocean again. “You dated… quite seriously again in our last year of med school, though.”
“Sora?”
“Yeah.”
Jungkook nods, remembering the only one-year relationship he had. Min Sora was a fashion magazine director at the time. Jungkook liked her as she did, but they had too many differences that lead to too many arguments. Sora ended things before the relationship dragged out. Jungkook was grateful for it. They’re casual as of now… good friends, maybe?
“I always wondered why she broke up with you.” You say quietly.
Jungkook doesn’t expect that. “You wondered about that?”
“Yeah. I mean, you seemed like you were both really into each other, so I just thought… you know,” you shrug.
“Ah. That,” Jungkook looks afar, recalling the day when she ended things with him. It had been because of the stress that the last year of med school brought – he likes to think that. But it was also during the time when Eunwoo proposed to you and what he thought was feelings forgotten for you came back resurfacing and Sora just… figured him out. She told him he loved you, and she’s got no spare time to compete with that. Denying it at the time was futile – Sora was smart. A wise, independent woman. She ended the relationship herself before she got deeply hurt. Jungkook has always felt sorry about how things turned out. No, he doesn’t regret the break-up – just regrets the way he hurt her – unintentionally – even though she didn’t show it.  “Just didn’t work out, I guess.”
You nod again.
Silence sits in the air.
It feels a little strange to talk about these things now. It’s not that you both never share these aspects about your lives to each other, but it’s the first time you ask him about Sora. He never really bothered to share, though, for the record.
From his periphery, he sees you taking your phone out from your pocket, then gasping.
Jungkook immediately looks at you to see what’s wrong. You show him your phone and he notes nothing of significance first before you say, “It’s 12:01 am. It’s September first!”
“Oh.”
“Happy birthday, Kook.” You say, smiling at him, and it’s an underestimation for Jungkook to say he nearly gets blinded by it. You look so gorgeous in your happy smile, so genuine, so warm, so cozy in your big grey hoodie.
Jungkook wants so bad to plant his lips on yours right then and there, but he reminds himself that he can’t do that. He reminds himself that you’re taken. That you like somebody else. The somebody else arriving tomorrow, as per your words earlier this day when he asked about Mingyu.
Still, it doesn’t stop Jungkook from mirroring your smile.
“Thank you.”
“And, before I forget,” you stuff your hands in the pocket of your hoodie and Jungkook watches as you take out a small rectangular box. As he pays you a glance, you’re a little bit shy, not looking straight into his eyes as you say, “Uh. I saw this somewhere, and I thought you’d like it.”
You extend your hand to him and Jungkook lets go of his beer to take the velvety green box from you.
He feels jittery as he takes it in, caresses the ribbon first before opening it altogether.
What’s inside surprises him.
“It didn’t cost much so don’t throw it away,” you say, uncharacteristically defensive. Jungkook can’t see your expression, but he bets your thoughts are going haywire as it takes him awhile to say anything about your gift. You always get nervous when it comes to gifts. “... and anyway, it’s not even my real gift. My real gift is a hairdryer, so I’m sure you’re gonna like that better. But it’s cute, right? You can hang it in your keyholder or something—”
“__,” Jungkook cuts you off, his eyes still on the keyring laying on the box. “You’re giving this to me?”
“Y-yeah. It’s… uh… cute, right? I thought it was cute.” You say, and when Jungkook looks at you, he sees the adorable way your brows furrow.
He chuckles, looking at the keyring again. It’s a silver Claddagh.
“Do you know what this means?” Jungkook asks.
“The what?”
Jungkook points to the Claddagh. “This symbol.”
You look away as you say, “No, not really. I just thought it’s a cool keychain. You told me you like keychains, but I don’t ever see you with a keychain. So.”
With your nostrils flaring a little, he knows you’re lying. You definitely know what the Claddagh symbol means.
But instead of goading you about it, Jungkook takes the keyring out of the box and hangs it over his finger, admiring the item.
“Thank you. This is really cute, and I love it.” Jungkook tells you, giving you a soft smile.
You stare at him and then cave into a smile of your own. “I’m glad you do.”
Jungkook looks at the Claddagh again and smiles heartily.
His heart aches with so much yearning and longing when you go back to the villa that night, spending about three minutes staring at the Claddagh you gifted him that he immediately hangs in his key holder. Jungkook thinks he’s going to transfer it to his work bag or the back of his rearview mirror, but his keyholder would do for now.
You love him alright, certainly not the way he does, but it’s enough for him.
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[ DAY 2 | September 1st, 11:55pm ]
It was not a secret among Nayeon, Doyeon, and Taehyung that Jungkook’s mood considerably plummeted down as soon as Mingyu called you early in the morning that he’d be landing in the afternoon.
Afternoon came, and he tried to suck it up like a grown man – and because as far as you know, they’re both friends. And Mingyu’s your boyfriend. He should be nothing but supportive.
But it was especially hard when you gushed about being excited that he was finally here. It’s been four months since you started seeing each other, two months since you officially dated, but somehow, Jungkook still could not process it.
He knows he’s being unfair. To you and to himself. But he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help the feeling of ugly bitterness that sat in his heart as you told him about how Mingyu rented another villa so you both could room together, effectively taking you away from the rest of your friends.
Of course, you all spent his birthday together – doing tons of water activities in the ocean, eating at the dining hall, and roaming around for some more leisure time, but Jungkook could not help but think that ever since Mingyu’s arrived, you’ve been sticking with him, even taking the time away from the gang to show your boyfriend around the resort.
Even at the villa’s porch where all of you took out your foldable chairs to drink outside, you were with Mingyu, perched on his lap, laughing at the jokes getting thrown around in the circle.
He tried not to look too much at how Mingyu comfortably wrapped one arm around your waist while the other held a drink, how you leaned into his touch, and how easily he blended with the group with his charm.
“Where’d you get the ice cream?” Doyeon asked as Taehyung sat down on his chair with a small bowl of the sweet treat.
“Fridge. Nayeon and I bought it earlier.”
“There’s ice cream?” Mingyu asked, in which Taehyung nodded to. He turned to you. “Do you want it?”
Jungkook’s brows furrowed in confusion. “__’s lactose intolerant.” He noticed everybody suddenly looking at him. Feeling cornered, he drank from his beer to avoid their gazes.
Mingyu, obviously surprised by the declaration, glanced back at you. “Baby, you didn’t tell me that?”
You winced. “It’s not really a big deal.” you waved him off and when you laugh.
“Yeah, she’s stubborn about it. She can inhale five cones in one sitting.” Taehyung said which made everybody laugh. Jungkook knew it was to lighten the mood. So, he laughed as well, even though from his periphery, he could see you giving him daggers through your eyes.
Jungkook doesn’t know why you had to pretend it wasn’t a big deal. Sure, Taehyung’s right about you not taking your lactose intolerance seriously sometimes, but you’ve also gotten into a lot of trouble because of it, hence why you’ve been making conscious efforts to not eat dairy.
The whole day leaves a sour impression on him with Mingyu around. Quite a shame, really, since he started his birthday so well with you taking him to the far-end of the beach to drink and give him a Claddagh.
When the night becomes much darker, Jungkook sits on the terrace near the pool all by himself. Everybody’s fast asleep at this point. He doesn’t know about you, though, ‘cause you’ve probably transferred all your stuff to the other villa Mingyu rented around.
“Hey,”
Jungkook looks at the embodied voice that suddenly calls. He sees it’s Doyeon.
“Hey,” Jungkook smiles, taking the other bottle of beer on the coffee table and offering it to her.
She waves his hand. “Nah, I’ve had enough for the whole day.” Doyeon situates herself on the folding chair next to Jungkook.
Jungkook nods, looking straight ahead to the pool. They sit in comfortable silence for a while until Doyeon speaks.
“Hey, I’m sorry for the last week,”
Jungkook glances at her with a small smile. “What for?”
“For calling you a pussy. And just… being harsh. Had a tough week and your emotional constipation just pissed me off more. You’re still a pussy, but I shouldn’t have rubbed it off your face.” She says.
Jungkook stares at her with parted lips.
“Wow. I don’t know if that’s an actual apology.”
“It’s an apology with a hundred percent realness, you know I don’t baby anybody.”
“Hah,” Jungkook scoffs, amused. “Yeah. Well, you’re right, though. Today’s been…”
Doyeon sighs. “It’s hard on you, right?”
Jungkook can only give her a meaningful smile.
“But you don’t exactly have the right to get jealous… she’s not your girlfriend and you two are not anything,” Doyeon says, and it tugs at Jungkook’s heartstrings. Meanwhile, she looks ahead and continues to speak. “It’s hard when you have all these feelings for someone, but you have to hide it. You just want to show everybody they mean so much to you, but you can’t. It sucks.”
Jungkook thinks she’s still talking about his situation with you but then as he glances at her, she seems to be deep in thought. As if she’s actually speaking from her own experience.
He’s intrigued by that, of course.
“Woah, are you still talking about me?”
That seems to get Doyeon out of her trance.
She rolls his eyes. “Who else would I be talking about?”
Jungkook opens his mouth to say something. You guys have always had the theory that Doyeon has a secret boyfriend. It’s silly at best but sometimes, he thinks it’s true. Doyeon has never been the type to wear her heart on her sleeve, though. She’s tough and she’s frank a lot of times. But she’s the kind of friend who’d call you a bitch in your face but then would go to all the lengths to defend you from everybody.
“Okay.” Jungkook nods, dropping the subject.
“Has she told you yet?” Doyeon asks suddenly.
“What?” He mirrors back, knowing exactly who the she Doyeon’s referring to.
“She’s planning to move in with him some of these days.”
“I…” Jungkook stops, his mouth opening and closing like a fish in water. To say that he’s stunned is an understatement. Obviously, you haven’t told him anything.
“You don’t know.” Doyeon says upon realization.
Jungkook shakes his head. “She didn’t tell me.”
Doyeon lets out a loud sigh. “It’s not really set in stone, though, that’s what she said. But they’re discussing it.”
“Ah.” Jungkook nods and looks ahead at the pool. Another beat of silence, a sip of beer, and then he scoffs. “I really should’ve confessed even way back then, huh?” He laughs but there’s no humor in it.
Doyeon stares at him. “I didn’t tell you about that so you can regret not telling your feelings for her earlier.”
“I didn’t—”
“I told you that so you can move on, Jungkook.”
Jungkook closes his mouth shut.
She looks away. “You remember the time I liked you in med school?”
“Doyeon…” Jungkook’s lips part, not at all expecting for her to bring that up. It’s been so long ago and ever since… Doyeon’s confession, they never really talked about it again.
“Oh my god, look at your face,” She laughs. “God, do you think I still like you? I moved on the day after you rejected me.”
“I didn’t reject you.” Jungkook defensively says.
She rolls her eyes. “I asked you if you were interested and you didn’t say anything. You just looked at me like this,” Doyeon stiffens her body and widens her eyes in a comical rendition of Jungkook’s famous OJO face.
Jungkook can’t help but scoff. “That was the strangest confession that happened to me, though. You told me you liked me in the straightest face ever, I still think it was a cruel prank of some sort.”
Doyeon bursts into laughter, and Jungkook follows along, recalling that time.
“Yeah… that was funny. But… it was real, not a prank at all. I don’t remember why I liked you, though.”
Jungkook looks at her incredulously. “Okay, but that’s actually the most hurtful thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“Don’t take it personally,” Doyeon rolls her eyes, but there’s a smile on her lips still. “Anyway, I brought it up because that was the same day when I realized you like __. I mean, I had my suspicions, but I confirmed it around the time.”
Jungkook shakes his head. “Was really surprised when you told me that. I thought I hid it pretty well.”
“Yeah, but not to me. You know, I don’t even know how __ didn’t figure it out herself. You’d always follow her around and in our study sessions, you always stayed up late with her and was overly attentive. Whenever Taehyung asked you too much, you sort of like reached a point where you just told him to suck it up. But if it was __, you were so patient,” Doyeon giggles. “She had a really hard time with Biochem. I remember you tutoring her all the time.”
“That was…” Jungkook bows his head down, a bit embarrassed at being read like that. “She cried a lot during first year.”
Doyeon purses her lips. “Yeah…”
Both stare ahead again, with nothing to say for a few more seconds. Jungkook continues to sip his bear while Doyeon quietly sits.
“I have this biased notion about Mingyu,” Doyeon speaks up. Jungkook looks at her she continues, “I keep on telling myself, he’s probably gonna fuck up anytime soon – and that’s because deep inside, I still want you and __ together. You know I’ve always wanted you both to be together. It’s hard to see __ struggling with her love life. She almost failed the internship when Eunwoo broke up with her, and I don’t want her to go through that again as her friend. It’s hard, because I can’t do anything about it. I think of you, and how much you love her, and I think you’re good for her… but at the same time, I feel bad for thinking that. Because I can see that Mingyu makes her happy. It’s different with the other guys she dated before him. She’s truly happy with him, and I find it hard to think that Mingyu’s gonna break her heart. He seems… nice… and that he’d be good for her, you know what I mean?”
Jungkook’s quiet, processing her words.
Doyeon sighs before she speaks again. “But that hurts you in the process, doesn’t it? Seeing her happy but not with you. You’re both my friends and I’m in the position where it’s hard for me to situate myself in a certain place. Because I want __ to be happy, but I also want you to be happy – but your happiness is interconnected and it’s… tricky. It’s a tricky situation.”
Jungkook doesn’t realize that he’s gripping the neck of the bottle quite tightly at Doyeon’s words, but he listens.
“I don’t normally say things like this, Jungkook, but I’m your friend so I’m just gonna let this go,” Doyeon finally looks at him, and he meets her gaze. “It hurts me to see you hurting like this. It hurts Taehyung and Nayeon as well, but they won’t say it. Just… just be… just be okay, please?”
Jungkook exhales a sharp, shaky breath.
He knows what Doyeon meant by that. She’s asking him to… find happiness on his own. Happiness that doesn’t lie on __’s reciprocity because with the way things are going, that’s impossible. She’s planning to move in with Mingyu, and most of all, she seems genuinely happy.
“I… I know. Thank you.” Jungkook says, not really knowing what to say.
Doyeon chuckles. “Do you want a hug?”
He looks at her with a smile. “I could use one right now, yeah.”
Doyeon laughs before standing up and going over to where Jungkook sits on his own sun chair. When she steps in front of him, Jungkook wraps his arms around her waist and lets himself rest the side of his head on her stomach, closing his eyes when Doyeon pats the crown of his head.
“Belated happy birthday, Jungkook.”
Jungkook chuckles. “Thanks. You’re unusually mushy today.”
Doyeon pinches his ear slightly which earns her a groan.
The two stay like that for a few more seconds when suddenly, Jungkook hears a familiar voice.
“Oh, h-hey guys,”
Jungkook immediately looks ahead to see you standing from the other side of the terrace, looking at him and Doyeon. At that, Doyeon lets go of him, twisting her body to look in your direction. Jungkook retreats his arms back to his side and smiles to acknowledge you.
“I thought you were sleeping already.” He says.
“Yeah, what brought you here?” Doyeon asks.
You approach them with unusually slow steps, as if reluctant. “Left my wallet here. Just realized it a while ago,” you say. After that, you stop on your tracks. Your gaze falls between them with an unsure smile on your face. “You two drinking?”
“Nah, Jungkook is.” Doyeon says, pointing to the bottle of Smirnoffs on the small table beside Jungkook’s chair. Then, she looks under her own. “Where’d you leave your wallet?”
“Over my chair earlier.” You give her a smile again. But somehow, it looks a bit awkward. A little forced. Jungkook knows you well enough to identify your smiles.
And as he looks at you longer, he realizes you have a certain color on your face, but it’s one of those expressions he can’t read.
“Well,” you blurt out after a beat of silence. Looking around, you go over to where you were sitting earlier then duck. “I think I left it here…” you trail off. Jungkook’s just about to stand up to help as well when you suddenly pull up a brown leather, grinning at both of them. “Yay.”
Jungkook chuckles. “That would’ve been the third wallet you’ll lose this year.”
You mirror his laughter, and Doyeon joins in.
There’s another pause and then hesitantly, you ask, “Did I… uh… disturb something? Or…”
“What?” Doyeon asks with furrowed brows. “No,”
“Ah, okay,” you smile at her and then insert your wallet in your shorts. “Anyway, I’m heading back to Mingyu. The villa he rented is just at the back of ours, so… feel free to visit anytime or whatever.”
“Sure.” Jungkook says. He didn’t mean it to sound clipped and short but he must have unintentionally let the tone slip, as you and Doyeon immediately give him a look. He clears his throat. “I mean, of course. Tomorrow?”
You nod.
You look at him. And then, you point between him and Nayeon. “Are you two staying up here late?”
“Nah, I’m heading to bed actually.” Doyeon says, picking up her phone from the sun lounger.
“Yeah, me too.” Jungkook puts the beer to the coffee table and stands up.
You nod. “Okay, then. Well, good night to you two.”
“Alright, good night. I’ll head out first.” Doyeon says before disappearing into the sliding door that leads straight to the villa’s living room.
You soon turn your heels back to head out as well, but Jungkook calls after you. Turning around, you hum, acknowledging him. “Hm?”
“Good night, stinky.”
You deadpan. “Night, fucker.”
Jungkook laughs, watching your retreating back as you leave.
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[ DAY 4 | September 3rd , 3:05 am ]
Jungkook likes to work out when he has a lot in his mind. But sometimes, he opts for jogging or walking around to clear his head.
With the turn of events since Mingyu’s arrival and Doyeon informing him about your plans on furthering your relationship with Mingyu, he finds himself along by the shore at three am with high hopes to clear his mind. It doesn’t give the solution, but it temporarily does the job.
Inserting his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, he looks ahead at the view of the ocean, trying so hard to shut his head down with overbearing thoughts of you. It’s no use, though, it’s always filled with thoughts of you and you alone.
Jungkook thinks about the time in med school when he thought he was completely over you. It had been after you made it official with Eunwoo two months into seeing him. He thought it would be a “bigger person” thing to do, moving on, that is, after you announced that you got a boyfriend – but then later on, when he slept with other women or had his casual dates, you suddenly popped up in his head randomly, and his heart suddenly ached when Eunwoo would drop by the university to fetch you. He felt ugly bitterness when you smiled too much whenever Eunwoo was brought up in the conversation. He found himself wishing it was him instead – the guy you thought of buying shirts for, the guy you randomly thought of when you saw something at the mall or the park, or the guy you called when you needed anything.
It was that spring break in second year when he realized that he loved you, after trying hard to brush his feelings off for you as a mere infatuation because you were gorgeous and smart.
He finds himself thinking about the time when he almost let out his heart when you had a fall-out with Eunwoo during your third year. Thinks about how pathetic he was for thinking that he finally had the chance. It had been when you called him at midnight, crying onto the phone as you asked him if he wasn’t busy. Jungkook had been studying for a Clinical Skill Assessment at that time, but he’d have been a fool to make you feel lonely when you already seemed like you were not fine. So, he had set aside his studying that night and went right over to your place. You told him about how Eunwoo was going cold, how Eunwoo was getting too close to the senior architect at his firm which you’d been having huge arguments about during those days – Jungkook remembered feeling broken at the sight of you crying, could feel himself building up hatred for the guy who was fucking up his chance with the woman he did not deserve. He thought about how he would never do that to you, thought about how he could be better for you – the envy bubbling inside his heart too big to ignore.
Jungkook remembered thinking how he would never fuck up any chances with you, and how Eunwoo was a fucking idiot for even making you feel that way.
That night, he almost kissed you. And the day after that, you avoided him like the plague.
Doyeon told him he was just as much of a big fucking idiot as Eunwoo for doing that. And Jungkook remembered regretting that night, and swearing off to never, ever make a move on you ever again because your avoidance of him made him feel like the biggest fucking piece of shit to ever exist on Earth.
He remembers you didn’t talk to him for about a month. And he remembers fearing that that was finally it.  
Of course, you made up – you’re still in his life. You let him still be in your life even though he betrayed your trust. The trust that lies on the fact that he was your best friend. Someone who was not supposed to take advantage of your vulnerability, someone who did not suddenly try to kiss you when you were at your worst.
It was a memory you two weren’t fond of. Heck, you’ve never ever brought it up not even once since it happened. When you finally talked to him again after that, you did not let him apologize for what he did – just shut him down by saying that you two should just forget about it and never mention it again. You made it clear that you did not want to talk about it – not at all, not in a million years.
Again, Jungkook has had a million attempts to move on. Especially when you got back together with Eunwoo. He did temporarily, when Sora came into the picture. He genuinely did like her, even more than his first girlfriend in college, and he thought he could eventually love her the same way he does you, but Eunwoo suddenly proposed… and his defense came crumbling down. The fear of losing you once again was too overwhelming that he ruined the relationship with Sora because admittedly, he had always been pathetic like that.
Even now that you’re with Mingyu, he’s still pathetic. He still thinks that one day, you can finally look at him. Like, really look at him and feel anything but friendly towards him. It’s extremely pathetic that he keeps on telling himself that your friendship will be enough, but then deep down, it’s not.
Jungkook shuts his eyes close when he feels the cool breeze of the wind hitting his skin under the hoodie. He lets himself stand there for a while, just trying to bask in the surroundings, ignoring the heavy feeling that sits in his heart.
But then he smells a sudden waft of smoke, and he knits his brows as he opens his eyes back again, turning to the direction of the smell.
When he turns back, he sees a familiar figure of a man.
“Mingyu?”
Mingyu glances back at him with the same surprised look on his face, but it disappears just as quickly. Pinching the cigarette between his fingers, he blows smoke in the air and inserts one hand in his shorts.
“Jeon.”
“Still Jeon to you, huh?” Jungkook sneers, walking over to where Mingyu is. “Why are you here?”
Mingyu arches a brow. “I could ask you the same thing.”
“Woke up a few minutes ago and couldn’t get back to sleep.”
Taking a hit of his cigarette again, Mingyu shakes his head. “That’s tough.”
“Same with you?” Jungkook asks.
“Nah. Had a discussion with my girlfriend. Just wanted to clear my head.”
Jungkook nods, not saying anything to that. It’s weird that you’ve been fighting a lot lately. He wonders if you’re okay.
Pulling out a pack of Marlboro and a lighter, Mingyu extends them to Jungkook.
He looks down at it and thinks about how this exact thing happened in college. Mingyu always had the pack of cigarettes and the link to the best weed man in college. He used to think they would be fond memories.
But Jungkook shakes his head, looking ahead.
“I quit years ago.” He says. And it is true. He wasn’t much of a smoker and only did it occasionally when he was extremely stressed, but it took him awhile to stop the habit completely, only dropping the cigarettes during second year of med school. Jungkook would say it was due to his own concern about his health – but there was an incident in the same year where you caught him smoking at the uni’s park after a particularly taxing exam, and how you did not hesitate to tell him that you hated – absolutely abhorred – smokers. You said you didn’t care if he smoked, but as a med student he should’ve known better.
He never touched that shit again.
“Changing your ways now?” Mingyu says with a teasing – more like mocking – tone, inserting the pack and lighter back in his pants.
Jungkook shrugs at that, which earns him a scoff from Mingyu.
“Do you smoke around her?” Jungkook suddenly asks.
“Who?”
“__.”
A beat of silence. And then Mingyu laughs.
“No. She doesn’t know I smoke. She doesn’t have to.”
Good. Jungkook thinks. Good that he doesn’t smoke around her. But what did he mean by saying she doesn’t need to know?
“She doesn’t like smokers, you know.” Jungkook tells him.
From his periphery, Jungkook sees Mingyu glancing at him. It takes a while for him to say something.
“You’d know that, huh?”
The dip in his tone makes Jungkook meet his gaze. Suddenly, the smirk on Mingyu’s face is gone, and there’s something behind his eyes that he can’t quite put a finger on.
Jungkook tries to ignore that. “I’ve known her for a long time. The others can also tell you that.” He says, referring to the rest of your friends on the trip.
“You think I don’t know?”
With furrowed brows and growing confusion, Jungkook stares at Mingyu.
“What?”
“That you like my girlfriend.” Mingyu spits the words out like venom in his mouth, but it’s in a way that tells him it’s been sitting with him for far too long. Jungkook’s surprised at the declaration, feels himself being taken aback by the blunt way he said it as if he’s so sure.
But Jungkook doubles down, to Mingyu’s surprise.
“So?”
That obviously wasn’t the answer the other man wanted to hear. So, what? He can dish it, but he can’t take it?
“You’re goddamn pathetic, then.” Mingyu says after awhile, taking a hit on his cigarette again.
It itches the bubbling anger Jungkook has had for him for the past ten years.
“I like __, and I’m not gonna deny that to you,” Jungkook faces him. “But you don’t have to worry about that, because unlike you, I have enough self-respect to not sleep with my friend’s girlfriend.”
It’s another response that Mingyu does not expect. Jungkook also did not mean to let that out. But his tongue glided with the words and he couldn’t help it. Suddenly, memories of junior year in undergrad comes back flashing to him; Jiyeon and Mingyu, fucking in his goddamn bed, his girlfriend cheating on him with his best friend.
Jungkook’s already moved on from that. Jiyeon was not a loss, even though she was his first girlfriend – heck, first love even, but she cheated on him. And not just with anybody but his best friend at the time. The worst thing was that Mingyu was completely in on it, and Jungkook doesn’t think he ever felt remorse about what happened back then. Mingyu gave him a half-assed apology the day he walked in on them, even had the gall to “explain” Jiyeon’s side, that apparently, she just wasn’t “feeling it” with Jungkook anymore, and that Mingyu and her had been hitting it off. Jungkook realized it was why Mingyu suddenly came over way too often over at his apartment.
It’s exactly why he never bothered to meet with Mingyu after graduation. Why he was not enthusiastic meeting him at the engagement party.
But that happened so many years ago that he thought Mingyu’s changed. He didn’t want to burst your bubble and tell you what happened between them back then because he’d be the one to ruin the happiness you’ve wished for all these years.
“I see you’re still hung up on that.” Mingyu says after a while. He throws the cigarette away and steps on it with his heel.
Jungkook’s jaw ticks in what he feels is growing rage. “I’ve moved on. I’m just letting you know that even though I like __, I’m never doing what you did back then.”
“You’re such good guy, then?”
“If not cheating makes me a good guy, then maybe I am.” Jungkook shrugs.
“Jiyeon was a bitch. She was never gonna be good for you.” Mingyu suddenly says.
It makes Jungkook seethe. “And so you fucked her?”
“She liked me better than you. Women always liked me more, that’s why I was going through them while your goody-two shoes virgin prude ass was daydreaming about dating to marry.  You remember that, right?” Mingyu looks at him with a mocking stare. “And Jiyeon was smoking hot. She offered, I just delivered. Said you couldn’t make her cum properly. We could have shared her, you know?”
“Fuck you.” Jungkook spits out. He feels enraged and pissed and disgusted all at the same time.
“Are you getting mad?” Mingyu levels him with an infuriating smirk. “You always got a stick up in your ass, Jeon. Kyungmi told me you’re just a regular playboy these days, said it was the effect of your first girlfriend cheating on you. Right now, though, is that just a front to hide your feelings from my girlfriend? A pathetic boy best friend just wanting to be noticed by his hot girl best friend? You play that role so well. Telling me she’s lactose intolerant, she doesn’t like smokers… you want to fuck her so bad it’s laughable because you know you can’t.”
“Don’t… fucking talk about her like that.” Jungkook growls, and he feels blood rushing through his veins.
Mingyu shakes his head. “You know what I thought when I first met her? I was completely interested right away, but when you showed up…” He chuckles in the way that makes Jungkook’s skin prickle. “It just made me want her more.”
“You’re fucked in the head.”
“This fucked in the head guy got the girl you want wanting to commit to him. I don’t know if she told you, but we’re moving in together.”
Jungkook pokes his tongue to his cheek. “You think I won’t tell her about this?”
“You think she’s gonna believe you?” Mingyu fires back. Jungkook closes his mouth, doesn’t really know if he’s confident enough to say yes. That earns him an arrogant smirk from Mingyu. “That’s right, she won’t. I have no doubt she’s gonna choose me over you. Jiyeon has had before. And if you’re gonna fight the same battle again this time, you’ll lose.”
Jungkook regulates his breathing hearing his words. He’s starting to not see clearly, his fist clenching on his side and he knows better than to resort to violence, but Mingyu’s testing his patience.
He’s completely wrong for thinking that he isn’t the same asshole he was back in college. He’s completely wrong for not telling you about him sooner. He’s completely wrong about everything.
Glancing at his hand, Mingyu looks him in the eyes, leaning forward. “You wanna hit me just like how you did back then? You almost fucking killed me when you gave me that head injury that kicked me out of the fucking team.”
The head injury. That fucking head injury. Jungkook was so mad when he found out that he just saw pure red. It wasn’t his best moment – he knows. He lost control and just… went for it. He still regrets doing it – not punching Mingyu – but for losing it when he could’ve shown him that he’d always be the bigger person between them both.
He’s quiet and Mingyu takes that as a win. Scoffing, Mingyu says, “I could’ve reported you to the admin and you could’ve been expelled, and if that happened, you couldn’t have gone to med. You are where you are right now because of me, so don’t fucking show that animosity towards me because you fucking owe me one.”
Jungkook can’t help but laugh. But he does so humorlessly. “You really think that?” He stares at the other guy. “You’re just as delusional as you were back then, Gyu. You think everybody liked you – but that was just because you were a touch-deprived loser who would fuck anything that breathed near him, and I wasn’t. I only entertained women I liked. You thought you were smarter, but I was always the one who got the better and higher grades, even though you studied way harder. Is that why you went with law? So you won’t have to compete with me in the med field? I also know you were pissed as fuck when the captain title was passed on to me instead of you,” Jungkook leans closer as well. “You’ve always thought of yourself so highly, but deep down, you were just an insecure little boy trying to compete with another guy that didn’t even see you as competition because you were that irrelevant.”
Mingyu, in his own fir of rage, grabs Jungkook’s collar, but Jungkook stays in his place, face stoic as Mingyu snarls, “You keep running your mouth while you cry yourself to sleep because those don’t mean anything when I’m the one fucking the love of your life,” Jungkook visibly recoils to that, and when Mingyu notices, he smirks, adding, “Yeah, yeah, you wanna know how __ is in bed? Because you’ll never see her sopping wet when you give her cock. That angelic face of hers… you’ll never know she’s a slut the way that filthy mouth asks me to fuck her harder because I am that goo—”
He wasn’t able to finish his sentence when Jungkook’s heavy fist suddenly lands on his cheek.
That effectively gets Mingyu to let go of Jungkook’s collar as he loses his balance and steps backwards limply, thumbing the side of his mouth only to see blood.
Whisking away his fist, Jungkook looks at Mingyu with fire in his eyes and venom in his voice when he says, “Don’t you ever fucking dare talk about her like that, you fucking piece of shit.”
The moon hangs low in the sky, casting a silvery white glow over the beach, but the comforting sound of waves and the calm of the surrounding is a contrast to the rising tension between Jungkook and Mingyu.
When Mingyu doesn’t say anything, Jungkook turns on his heel, ready to leave, but suddenly, he feels the back of his shirt getting pulled and being met with a fist right on his cheek, close to his nose. He barely dodges the hit, taken aback by the unexpected attack.
“Fuck you.” Mingyu grits, eyes blazing.
With that, the fight intensifies, with Jungkook throwing a quick jab back. Mingyu retaliates with as much fury, the two of them grappling, their bodies colliding with violent force. Soon, the sound of their grunts and the occasional crash of a punch against flesh is drowned out by the crashing waves.
And then a familiar voice calls their names.
“Jungkook! Mingyu!”
“Oh my god!”
Jungkook’s suddenly being taken away by somebody by his arms, and he realizes it’s Taehyung when he speaks up again once he and Mingyu are off each other.
“What the fuck are you two doing?” Taehyung asks incredulously, rightfully shocked at what he’s seen. Jungkook forces his way out of Taehyung’s hold in frustration, wiping the side of his mouth. Mingyu’s on the other side a few inches away being hesitantly held down by Nayeon, who looks at all of them with deep worry in her eyes. Turning to her, Taehyung says, “Call Doyeon and __. They’re sleeping in the same room together at the villa.”
“You don’t need to do that,” Jungkook says, glaring at Taehyung.
He looks at him angrily. “You’re fistfighting with somebody at fuck o’clock in the morning. We’re going to get run off by the police, be thankful we saw you.”
“I-I’ll call Doyeon and __.” Nayeon stutters, reluctantly pulling away from Mingyu and going to the direction of the villas.
When she leaves, Taehyung looks between the two beaten up men, not believing their busted faces. Rubbing his own with his hands in frustration, he looks back at them again, saying, “What the fuck happened to you guys? Why were you fighting?”
“It’s none of your business.” Mingyu says.
Taehyung glances at him with irritation. “None of my business? Fuck off, Kim Mingyu. You joined in on this trip. Everything that happens here is quite literally each other’s business.”
“Tae.”
“I can’t believe you guys,” Taehyung shakes his head, ignoring Jungkook. “Fighting like goddamn immature teenagers… are you not embarrassed?”
Looking away, Jungkook decides to sit on the sand and let Taehyung’s words go from one ear to another. His energy is waning and the rage he had a while ago is just simmering down to… nothing. He feels absolutely empty.
“Jungkook?” He doesn’t realize the steps that were coming towards them were you and Doyeon. It’s obvious that you’ve both been sleeping, still in your pajamas as you rush towards their direction. He looks at you when you call his name, but then suddenly, you turn to Mingyu. “Ming— what happened?”
Jungkook feels his heart break when you come towards Mingyu’s direction first. He knows why you did. He’s your boyfriend, of course you are going to tend to him first.
Suddenly, he remembers what Mingyu said. About you choosing him over Jungkook.
Jungkook didn’t doubt that, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt a little to see it fully realized.
“Jungkook– Jesus Christ,” Doyeon comes over to him and quickly checks his head. With knitted brows, she casts him a look.
“I’m fine.”
She’s about to say something, but then she closes her mouth and then glances at you.
Sighing, she turns to everyone and announces, “Look, let’s just get them back to the villa. Treat their wounds before they get infected.”
“Right.” Taehyung says and then comes over to Jungkook to help Doyeon guide him in walking. He relents first because he doesn’t need their assistance, but Taehyung looks at him and he knows he’s pissed. So, he lets them.
As he tries to subtly look over to where you were, you have your arm around Mingyu’s waist while Nayeon helps guide him as well.
It takes a tedious few minutes to get back to the villa where Doyeon and Taehyung decide to take care of him in his room while Nayeon and you tend to Mingyu back in your room.
Doyeon nor Taehyung doesn’t say anything the whole time. Just let the silence fall in the room as they clean his wounds and put bandages around the cuts on his face and treat his busted lip.
He knows they’ll talk to him in the next few hours. It’s inevitable. But at least they’re sparing him for tonight – or today, since it’s almost four am.
Jungkook regrets not seeing the sunrise.
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this chapter is not over yet! tumblr has a 1k paragraph/block limit in a single post and so i can't put the whole thing in this. please look thru the reblogs to read the last scene and the continuation of this chapter or click on this [ link ]
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cascowriteswords ¡ 1 year ago
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bite me
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Clarke should have seen this coming. The signs have been there all along. 
“There is such thing as too much garlic, Clarke.”
“The sun is hurting my eyes.” 
“My skin is sensitive, Clarke, I can only wear gold or medical grade titanium.”
“This is the skin of a killer, Clarke.”
Okay, maybe not that last one. 
But still, the signs were all there, all these years. It was only her own naivety that prevented her from predicting this earlier on. 
“So, vampire, hm?” she hums as Lexa jogs down the stairs, velvety black collar popped up around the slender column of her neck, coattails flowing behind her. “I didn’t peg you for team Edward.”
“I’m not,” Lexa answers smoothly, pecking Clarke’s cheek as she takes the mug of coffee held out toward her, leaving a black outline of her lips in their wake. “Party City was fresh out of werewolf costumes. But I’m not team Jacob, I’m team Seth - the only good character.”
“I see,” Clarke says coyly. “Remember when I said you should pick out a costume a few weeks ago? Instead of the night before Halloween?” 
Lexa is buzzing around the kitchen, spreading avocado onto her toast and grabbing pickled onions from the fridge. It’s an ironically vegetarian breakfast for someone with painted-on blood dribbling from the corners of her mouth. “Are you saying you think the kids won’t like my costume, Clarke?”
Working as a physical therapist in an outpatient pediatric clinic means going all out for Halloween isn’t optional. Lexa’s kiddos would be so disappointed if their favorite clinician wasn’t dressed up, and getting 3 year olds to focus on PT is hard enough on a normal day. She has all sorts of spooky themed games and obstacle courses planned for the day.
“Of course not, they’ll love it. They love you.”
“I love you,” Lexa quickly says, eyes flicking up to meet Clarke’s in a way that somehow still makes her stomach swoop even 3 years in. 
“I love you,” Clarke answers, grinning affectionately at her sweet golden retriever girlfriend as she eats her toast in full vampire garb as their tiny bistro table. “Are you going to ask what I think about your costume?” 
Lexa quirks a brow inquisitively, peering at Clarke over the top of her mug as she takes a sip of coffee. “What do you think of my costume, love?”
Clarke moves away from the counter she’d been leaning against and prowls forward, as if she’s the one dressed as a lethal predator instead of Lexa, intently focused on her target. When she reaches the table she rests one hand on its edge and the other on the back of Lexa’s chair, caging her in. “I think,” she says, ducking down to press her lips to the hinge of Lexa’s jaw which earns her a lovely, pretty breathy sound from her girlfriend, “You might be the one dressed as a vampire, but I’m going to be eating you tonight.” Lexa swallows thickly and Clarke grins; nips at her neck, feels the pulse fluttering beneath her tongue as it laves over the skin there. 
When she leans back Lexa’s eyes follow her, pupils a bit wider and darker than they were just a moment ago which suits her costume quite nicely. Clarke reaches out and runs a thumb along Lexa’s bottom lip, cleaning up the edge of her black lipstick. “I’m going back to bed for a little while,” she tells Lexa. “Have a great day at work, honey. And happy Halloween.” 
“Clarke,” Lexa whines. “How am I meant to focus at all today now.”
“You’re a highly intelligent and cunning immortal being, you’ll figure something out.”
She skitters up the stairs smugly, already knowing how tightly wound Lexa will be when she returns home in 9 hours.
Already more than a little excited to unwind her.
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reallife6anoufriev6boy6 ¡ 4 days ago
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father ts personal project?
i wanted to post a character i made to go along with one of my friends characters, so this is me posting it!
please note he is supposed to be an OVER EXAGGERATION of the tcc and what people think we are like. its not serious/how i see anyone - its all just jokes.
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Kenneth Dylan Ainsley
18 years old
he/him
homosexual
୭ 💽 ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 📓
dylan was born into jewish, average american family and grew up lower-middle class. he lived(s) in a mediocre neighborhood in a somewhat okay house. its falling apart, but is good for the time being.
his parents fight constantly like the average american couple and theyve subjected dylan and his younger brother, mason.
his life isnt very eventful and he tries his best to keep it that way.
hes close with his grandparents who he calls “bubbe” and “zayde”. they are both retired school teachers and they help him with his extensive school work and school applications. he spends a lot of time at their house in the guest bedroom, but when his parents saw his columbine tattoos he was disowned and kicked out. he went to go live with his grandparents.
he no longer believes in judaism but instead believes in reincarnation and spirituality. he hopes to he reborn as black cat.
୭ 💽 ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 📓
dylan is 5’7 and rather chubby, weighing about 155 pounds rather then the average 148 for his height.
he has shaggy, long brown hair that almost looks black and he has plenty of acne and freckles on his face and body.
he wears brown, thin framed glasses and lots of flannel shirts with leather coats and jeans. he wears boots mostly as well and sometimes he will wear band shirts or ones that correlate with bis favorite crime cases.
he has self harm scars all over his body as well all varying in how bad they are. he has some words and symbols carved in as well.
he doesnt seem the type, but he also has tattoos. he has dirk striders shoulder tattoo as well as dylans cross and “wrath” tattooed on his body. he also has erics shotgun and dylans tec-90 tattooed.
he struggles with mental health disorders and asthma #nerd and is on a slue of medications and he always has an inhaler with him.
୭ 💽 ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 📓
dylan owns three pets. two rats and one black cat all respectively named “juke” “joint” and “jezebel” after the kmfdm song.
dylan is constantly studying and working on school applications. hed rather be doing that then hanging out with friends or meeting people. he cares too much about his grades and future. his grandparents try to push him to go out but he doesnt.
he is a total nerd and he loves superheroes and all of that kind of stuff. he collects comic books and cds and loves to watch shows like southpark and the simpsons.
he also really likes homestuck and the tcc. his favorite homestuck character is dirk strider and his favorite case is columbine.
he runs a blog website under the name “naturalwrath” and he frequently visits tumblr as well. he fangirls over dylan and his entire blog is facts and information about him as well as talking about how much he wants to date him. he has a delusional attachment to him.
he plays dnd and had a homestuck themed campaign with some of his nerdier friends.
when dylan falls in love, he falls in love HARD. he gets paranoid and obsessive, but he doesnt do anything with it. he typically just gets celebrity crushes and stalks famous people online.
when in relationships he is very distant and unavailable. hes terrible at them, but during sex he will be like a dog at the foot of your bed. he has a thing for worshipping his sexual partners and being treated as a follower.
his entire self esteem and mood depends on his relationships. if he gets broken up with then good luck getting him to even get out of bed.
he doesnt show ANY of this. on the outside he seems like a stuck up, lonely nerd who hates everyone and only wants to be in his books. he comes off incredibly boring and lame basically.
he had dated another boy named sascha who was an active juggalo. he reminded dylan of gamzee as well as the fact he had the same name as kmfdms lead singer so he was instantly hooked on him, but they werent good together.
they broke up eventually and it had made dylan spiral and be more on edge and agitated. he still kept all of his old clothes, pictures, and face paint containers too. it didnt help him feel better - it just kept him stuck in the past.
they broke up over the phone and dylan couldnt stop sobbing while begging sascha to give him a second chance, but he didnt.
he craves romance and sex so much that it would crush him and anyone hes with. hes so overbearing when it actually comes down to it/when hes not being totally distant.
he keeps several journals and notebooks for all of his thoughts and ideas. he then types them all out onto his blogs. sometimes he will print and cut out pictures of dylan and eric to put in his journal and he’ll rant about how cute they were and how much he misses them. its his coping mechanism.
hes into fandom spaces in general and sometimes he likes to do very basic cosplays and draw fanart.
on the note of drawing, he likes to draw his crushes as well. anytime he has a crush or partner thats all he will draw
sometimes his grandparents go out of town (more often then not) so he frequently has the house to himself. when he does he will typically wear his “wrath” tshirt and will blast kmfdm and other bands they enjoyed all while still studying and doing his nerdy things. he definitely wears that shirt to sleep too and holds onto a “natural selection” tshirt while he does.
he doesnt like drugs or alcohol or smoking, but on occasion he will indulge in cigarettes and vodka for the obvious reasons.
hes incredibly autistic if that wasnt clear yet.
he keeps razor blades, bandaids, and money in the back of his phonecase.
his ex boyfriend, sascha, made him earrings of dylans cross and he constantly wears them even though theyve broken up now. its just another thing for him to hold onto.
he works at a local used record/cd store and hes always breaking the rules and saving the cds and cool things that they get in.
he likes to bake and he uses that as his love language, although he doesnt have anyone to give it to so he typically eats what he makes anyway.
overall, his only coping mechanisms are cutting, eating his own baked goods, and blogging about school shooters.
he changed his name to dylan so that he would be more like dylan klebold. its his life mission to be like him.
he has a scent kink and loves the smell of sweat and cigarettes, but he would pretend he thinks its gross.
he pretends like he doesnt care in general, but he gets extremely hurt and upset easily. sometimes it all just spills out and he has a breakdown, but otherwise it seems like he has nothing else going on.
he has his drivers license and drives an old, red van that sort of looks like this. he keeps all of his tcc related things in there (clothes, books, etc) because he doesnt want his grandparents to find it too like his parents.
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he uses an old busted up laptop that his littered with stickers and can barely run, but it works for his blogging needs. like this, but way more fucked up
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he carries around an old backpack thats dirty and ripped up with plenty of pins and patches on it. kind of like this.
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mxtxfanatic ¡ 22 days ago
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Book of the Week: Mistakenly Saving the Villain
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Author: Feng Yu Nie (凤羽涅)
Genre: cultivation, transmigration, danmei
Rating: M (very dark themes)
My Synopsis: From the novel that brought you posts 1 and 2, meet Song Qingshi, a medical student who transmigrates into a cultivation novel with the explicit job of rescuing the novel's protagonist... which apparently was not the man shining with the protagonist halo. Whoops. On the other end, not-actually-the-protagonist Yue Wuhuan can't quite seem to figure out what his new "master" wants from him, but hopefully that won't get in the way of his vengeance.
My Actual Review: Imma start here: Song Qingshi is the most accurate representation that I've seen of an unintentionally-written autistic character in my life, and it's because of a character reveal that infuriates me on one end but I love in relation to what it reveals about the romance. With that said, Song Qingshi is one of my absolute favorite main characters, especially since it flips on its head the idea of a "naive, childlike MC dropped into a hardcore, cruel world where the LI must protect his innocence from being corrupted." Song Qingshi may seem like he doesn't realize the implications of what's going on outside of "this thing bad" (and Yue Wuhuan thinks so, too) but then he does something and you realize that oh no, not only has he known, but he's been planning for this for a while. I also usually hate love triangles (another character pursues Song Qingshi, but he never takes it seriously), but I like the way the story goes about An Long and his complex relationship with his best friend and his sexuality. I love how this book discusses sexuality. I love how this book addresses trauma. There's just a lot that this book covers and covers well that gives it a special place in my heart 💕
Now, content warnings for: heavy themes sexual violence and sex trafficking including of children. Some of it's kinda graphic. The violence that Song Qingshi committed against Yue Wuhuan's abusers was not enough.
Translation: complete fan translation but recently licensed by 7seas
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angelfoodcake222 ¡ 10 months ago
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I'm back on my LMK x Hurt!Reader kick!!! Yippee!
"How would these characters react to their friend or S/O, Y/N, coming home after a big fight that made them temporarily forget about a prescheduled meet-up at their (Y/N's) place?" &/or something to that effect. Here's what I have for Mei, Pigsy, Tang, & Sandy.
TW: The reader [that's you] gets into a big fight. Mentions of combat, blood, violence, & bandaging/suturing (like that big, curved needle & all that). Comfort at the end of each.
A/N (Author's Note): I'm labeling this as NSFW as it is dealing with violent elements. I'll make a traditional NSFW version if this one gets some traction via likes & comments. Since there is often a lot to read in one sitting, I'll sever this up to a select few for now. even with the splitting, it is still a fair bit to read. On with the reading, enjoy.
🐉Mei Dragon
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>She was so excited about some one-on-one time with you, finally!
>She had set things up to the nines for you; favorite snacks, drinks, fast-paced racing games & movies, karaoke, you name it.
>She was in her cozy PJs, snug on a mound of pillows & blankets that looked like a dragon lover's dream collection (she contributed a few things as you asked her to let you do you, "earn them yourself" as you put it).
>She agreed so long as she got to gift you some things on special yearly occasions; birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc. You can bet your bottom dollar that each & every single gift she got you fits you to a T. To the point where it's nearly uncanny that you'd gotten used to it quicker than you thought you would.
>Just as she reclined to stretch out on the cozy hill she heard the door to your apartment swing open against the dense drywall followed by a hard thud generously seasoned with curses in your voice.
>She felt a pit in her stomach, suddenly forgetting her want to stretch, slipping & sliding in her plushie dragon slippers to the source of the pained grunts to find you on the linoleum part of your doorstep.
>Your torn, tattered shirt did little to stop your essence from oozing onto the generic tile below you that acted as a mini-mudroom of sorts. Your jeans shared the same fate with your shoes soaked like the floor mixed with once-stagnant water.
>Mei was seething at the damage to your body & your favorite wardrobe choices as they were gifts from her, gifts you had been maintaining near-religiously.
>You loved those threads, too. You even scrounged to buy her a matching set that was safe in her room at her family's home.
>"Who did this to you, bestie!?" "Gimme a name, a face, license plate, I'll teach 'em to mess with you!"
>Your low chuckle surprises her until she spots the dark markings on your knuckles & knees. You fought back, brutally from what she could tell, too.
>"Don't worry, Mei Mei, I handled them well enough. They won't be giving me any more trouble anytime soon. Mind helping me to the bathroom to patch up?"
>Your smile is crimson, gums ooze, but you move your tongue over your side-front teeth as if to free something from between them. Had you taken a bite out of one of your attackers? Probably.
>That's a question for later.
>As you asked, she aided you to the bathroom. All the moving & stretching caused by said movements began releasing more of your life's essence, staining the wood-themed vinyl as you both shuffled to the small bathroom where you had stashed a massive first aid kit in. The kind medics would pack with them.
>Your hand shuffled through the open kit once you were seated on the closed toilet's top as Mei fidgeted in the doorway a mere three feet from you.
>"Those are some deep wounds..." She mused aloud, cringing when you pulled a suture needle out, its curved sturdy form shining in the dim light overhead.
>"That's why I got this." You spy her flinch in your periphery.
>"It's okay if you don't want to be present for this part, Mei Mei. You can step out if you'd like." She frowns pitifully.
>She wants to be there for you to help with your injuries. Holding the kit open for your convenience at the very least, but she just felt so uncomfortable around needles of nearly any kind. She doesn't know why & you never pressed for a reason.
>Once you calm her down, she agrees to step out & close the door dejectedly behind her.
>She nearly slipped on some drops of red that pooled under your foot when she was fighting with the weirdly shaped door handle.
>That's dangerous! You could slip & reopen your freshly stitched wounds! Not on her watch!
>Your robe, a usually soft & comfortable garb, felt different from your hides as you carefully tied it. The soft fabric snagged on the fresh stitches & raw wounds that simply needed to be cleaned. You would have bandaged them to hasten the healing process, but you had forgotten to restock that aspect in your arsenal of medical aids.
>Honestly, you blame the treats you passed by & began ogling on an empty stomach on your way to the pharmacy.
>Aching & fatigued, you limp to the door but stop at the smell of cleaning products.
>She had cleaned the whole apartment in the time it took you to join your severed skins back together. She was walking out with an emptied bucket adorned with an old rag & other scrubbing tools.
>A soft tilt of your head was all the "Thank You" she needed.
>You helped put the supplies away & together you both eased into the mound to enjoy the setup Mei had made up for you.
>Soon enough, your eyes drifted down seemingly with gravity hauling your lids over your eyes.
>Slumber came swiftly.
>While you rested, Mei paused her half of the game your character would have nearly crashed in if she hadn't put her avatar between yours & the obstacle right as she paused.
>With as light of a touch as she could muster, she pulls the fluffiest blanket over you to tuck you in. Good & cozy.
>With that, she began her research.
>She had faith & trust in your brawling abilities, she promises she does & you believe her, but she just couldn't let this go without having some tabs on whoever hurt you. Just to be safe.
>As much as she hates to admit it, she was happy to be able to see the imprint of one jerk's insignia ring that was left on your forehead.
>Tracking that scumbag & his buddies shouldn't take much time at all...
🐷 Pigsy
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>He sat patiently in your kitchen, watching the pot's lid rattle with trapped steam as the dumplings cooked.
>You had both agreed to watch the Chang'e Cooking marathon you had both been excited to watch for over three months now.
>It took a little time to convince him, but he agreed on the condition that you cooked together while watching the countdown to the marathon's start.
>You agreed.
>Unlike the others who set up mountains of fabrics & pillows galore, he set up something simple: a couple of blankets, some pillows, healthy little snacks to follow the meal you were both going to make, that's it.
>He had stood up to check the noodles & dumplings when you staggered in, once-bagged groceries cradled in a gifted/found basket under your less bandaged arm before noticing your friend standing in your open kitchen.
>You thought back quickly to that scene in the park half an hour ago leading to your home, when some punks were picking on some unfortunate granny & her friends.
>How could you just walk away & turn a blind eye to such an attrocious act of disrespect & inhumanity!?
>The battle was gruesome, to put it lightly, but the Granny Squad managed to ban together & help you.
>One of the ladies gifted you her recently emptied sweets basket & head scarf to hold everything together after helping you wash the goods off with a nearby hose. Once that was taken care of, they focused on you & on as much as they could help you with (which was quite a lot).
>With cleaned ingredients in your arms, you thank the ladies fervently & dash off to put the items into proper storage.
>"Aw, noodles! The marathon!" You grit through blood-stained teeth as Pigsy blinks.
>He looks like he's stuck between shocked, confused, worried & upset.
>The countdown showed that there were still a couple hours left before the show started, so you looked to the boar in your kitchen sheepishly before shifting the tucked container to holding the covered basket of goods.
"Sorry about the ingredients, I tried to clean them as best as I could..."
>You tried to explain before he shook his head.
>Carefully, without causing any extra discomfort for you, he took the ingrediants & set them onto the countertop.
>One thing you've learned about your friend in the past few years of knowing him is that he may act all big & menacing, but he's arguably the sweetest guy you've known (Right by Tang & MK, of course).
>You thank him & scurry to your bathroom to properly clean up & bandage yourself with the added maintanance of your teeth so you could properly enjoy the meal undoubtedly leading to a taste sensation.
>When you step out to the living room, you're treated to Pigsy setting the last tray of food onto the coffee/tea table with a low grunt.
>For the remaining hour you two sat on the sofa, he bandaged the spots you couldn't reach for one reason or another, shared the dumplings & snacks, & conversed over your favorite Chang'e recipes, all drizzled with him telling you to be more careful on your way home from now on.
>With the finished meals' plates & utenciles cleaned of food & settled into the deep kitchen sink, you all bandaged up, the pair of you slouch into the couch, watching the last few minutes of the countdown tick by in comfortable silence.
"Hey, Pigsy?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks. For everything."
"No problem, Y/N."
>With that, the marathon began & was theroughly enjoyed.
👨🏻‍🏫 Tang
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>You wanted to understand JTTW in-depth, you truly did, but your brain wouldn't let you. Tang to the rescue... Sort of.
>Name the type of Monkey King media available to the public & then some & you've barely scratched the surface of what Tang packed to your appartment with a little help from MK who had to leave for FFM.
>He hadn't done anything to set up your living room in any sort of special way aside from the merchandise & historical items.
>Okay, he got some Pigsy's take out to nibble on throughout the session.
>He even remembered your favorites!
>He just set the last "historically acurate" figurine & its stand onto the coffee/tea table when you groaned through your front door.
>You had stopped by a local supply shop for an ample amount of note taking material, just knowing how Tang was going to get once he got really into his favorite work & figure.
>Simple, mundane, task.
>Notebooks of favored rule (college rule or Wide rule, dotted & gridded paper is also an option), colored pens/pencils of your choosing, Monkey King stickers for Tang ranging from plain to shiny to puffy as a 'thank you' coupled with a Mankey Cop cap to wear whenever he pleased, & some drinks to go with the food he most likely sweet-talked out of Pigsy.
>You were nearly half way home when some ruffians jumped you to snatch the selectively academic & fandom items from you.
>They were most likely trying to steal your large totebag (labeled with "bookworm" in cutesy stenciled characters you had done with MK not too long ago) for the items within it to price gouge the merchandise in person or online, chug the drinks, even misusing the writing materials.
>The fight took a lot out of you, tore your bag & clothes, even saw you getting cut by one of the broken drink bottles when you tripped.
>You still managed to save the rest of the drinks but they partially stained the cap & your notebooks.
>Serves you right (affectionatly) for picking a brand that didn't wrap their product in the same wrapping your pens/pencils & stickers were protectively cloaked in.
>You had to coddle the items in your cut up arms like a baby, your wounds seemingly throbbing into a dull ache when you spotted Tang kneeling next to the figurine of a midflight Monkey King on his Cloud, staff in hand/paw.
>Despite your carrying two or three reminders of your preagreed plans, your focus was rattled about until you turned to settle your tattered bag onto the sofa in your living space.
>He was just as frozen as you were, both standing a few feet from the other.
"Uhm... *clicks tongue awkwardly* Imma go bathe & patch myself up. If you still wanna do this, you can stay. If not, I'll help you pack up once I'm done. Okay?"
>Tang nods nervously, glancing over your battered form & tote before you lurch to your bathroom.
>You were so busy cleaning yourself & clothing your injuries in the stock of medical items that you didn't notice Tang busying himself in the living room: Stitching your bag's edges back together, touching up the character with a marker near the same color group as best as he could, drying the pages of your notebooks with a hairdryer you had forgotten in your nightbag you had left in your living room that you said you'd pick up & put away days ago.
>You stagger out with a sigh to see Tang trying his best to save your sullied materials, seemingly not noticing that the drinks, stickers, or the cap was for him & not for you.
>You quietly watch his back as he mumbled to himself about worrying over your safety, how he'd learn to bandage your wounds whenever you needed, how he'd never let you walk alone again as he would guide you down the safest streets & paths he takes daily, even learning basic self defence to at least grant you a little back up when you needed it.
>Your tired eyes drift about, over the messily stitched up bag, the pencils/pens sitting in their case on the table beside the rest of the items, all surrounding Tang who was a little too focused on not burning your book's pages with the blowdryer.
>Strange how the rainbow of writing items stood out so starkly against the reds & golds that seemingly engulfed his emediate space.
>Without holding it back, you give a soft giggle which startles him into turning your way.
>He accadentilly blasted the dryer's air straight under his face in turning to you causing his hair to tussle wildly over his fogged glasses, earning another giggle from you.
"I- your things were a little beaten up &- well, they neede dto be fixed so you could learn- &- &-."
>Stammering is all he can do at the moment until you boop him from his sitting position as you now stood languidly beside him.
"Tangy, breathe. It's all good."
>He smiles in relief before glancing over the table with a now calmed gaze.
"Is that a Monkey Cop cap!? With the real badge & everything!?"
>He procedes to ramble happily, occasionally looking to you to see if you were listening to him speak before continueing on.
>You peacfully watched his adorable rambling expressions, quitly taking mental notes on whatever you could snag from the 100 mph info dumping.
>Not long after you both finish your meals (A task that took a while as you needed to cease his fanboying longenough to actually eat), you both sat on the sofa watching a SWK action movie of some kind he had picked out for you.
>The movie was good despite the overly amped up sfx & horribly down played dialog audio, though that's most action movies that you're aware of.
>Snoring catches your drowzy attention as you peek down to your side where Tang had slumped over the opposite arm of the couch, fast asleep.
>Knowing he gets enough back pain hunching over a study desk, you stand & lay him onto thsofa in a more comfortable position while removing his glasses to set them on the side table.
>Good thing you had plenty of lap blankets around for him. Pillows, too.
>Kneeling beside the snoring man, you can't help but tuck the blanket in to create a cozy setting for him.
>You'll have to reschedule the study session for later.
>For now, a light snooze sitting up by Tang would do your eyes some good.
Here it is! I haven't picked who I'm writing for next but I'll try to think of someone later. I hope you enjoyed & have a lovely day/night!
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cristellove4321 ¡ 11 months ago
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Everyone meet hornet, inspired by several characters including Valentine day theme, zavy and whole lot of motivation to at least help hornet look and be original as possible, i went with a valentines day theme given hornet is also inspired by my boyfriend who i will call alabaster for the sake of his privacy.:3 (random info: alabasters are also nicknamed "white rose".:3), hornets name was from a character in hollow knight that goes by the same name.:3, hornets braid came from-, literally out of randomness, i took moonbunnys advice/info on one of her videos that she drawing mirage they were listening to music, so i made hornets theme around valentines day, and whenever possible i plan on writing a story about him, indigo and illusion someday probably, given he and them are star palace oc's.:3 (keep in note, these three are not in canon line within the star palace actual season.)
Info: broken glitch.
Like zavy, hornet does indeed have a glitch, but it makes his protectiveness spike, extremely so, so much so that its how hornet got the huge crack in one of his eyes, the nickname for said glitch was "broken" given it somehow has mind of its own when it takes over, this case was inspired by the love poison from mlp, when glitching to broken, the eyes will look similar to that case too.
hornets sexuality: pansexual.
like my love, hornet is indeed pansexual, but leans towards females or femboys due to preference.:3
used to work at before star palace: an asylum.
like zavy, hornet does have some medical knowledge, though me and my hon like the idea of asylums, especially if things get relatable in several different ways, with some knowledge from friends, and sense hornet is supposed to be inspired by my boyfriend Alabaster the most at the very least mentally, a mental asylum in the most modern day seemed officent.:3, unfortunately the glitch got him into trouble with a patient and a few doctors even, shutting him off for years until the medical field was shut down and he was sent to star palace.
favorite things (if he could have them): video games, animals, tv shows.
Specifically, hollow knight, cult of the lamb, RPG's, mlp, mlp horror, pokemon, SEVERAL TYPES of anime, raccoons.(idk why, my boyfriend just likes raccoons and i can indeed see the appeal.:b)
purpose: relatablity.
Whatever i did not list will be up to my boyfriend, including hornets past&treatment when working in the asylum and thus during in star palace too, given i want hornet to be relatable.
fluffy hair: inspired from zavy.(minus the back hair witch is shorter and the braid.)
glitch/broken: zavy's own glitch, indigo's own glitch and also the inspiration of mentally breaking+heart break.(witch is what me and alabaster has unfortunately experienced.qwq)
clothes: inspiration be zavy by a little bit, the rest was a mime+ballet theme.
personality disorders.(that we all are aware of.): bipolar disorder, d.i.d, depression and anxiety.
Im practically no stranger to this by now, illusion is an example of d.i.d too.(given they have different identitys that are named by different words in french.), and plus my boyfriend and other friends have indeed d.i.d disorders.(hense how broken has a mind of their own.), whatever broken and hornet does is self experience for not just d.i.d but the other stuff i have listed too, such as depression and bipolar disorder.:3
other stuff: again that's up to alabaster.:b
Color palette: i used valentines day themed color pallets and combined them.:3
teeth: this inspiration came from someone out of star palace actually, this inspiration is by the name of starlight from wtdw witch is by rainbot.:3
That's all for now!, i hope y'all enjoy hornet!! :3
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aether-writes-things ¡ 3 months ago
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Pinned lmao
Hello! You can call me Aether :3 My pronouns are they/them primarily, but I also use he/him. I'm queer and make queer art.
I'm 21+, live in the U.S., and am married. Yes, my husband is my beta reader lmao, I love him sm
I'm nonbinary/transmasculine/genderfluid or some kind of bs like that. Labels are hard lmfao. Sense of self? We don't know her.
I write stuff. And things. Sometimes nsfw, but not all the time lol
Current works posted: 1 (not complete)
WIPs: 3
Fandoms I write for: Legends of Zelda / Original Links Meet AU, Sometimes Sorta Linked Universe, Marvel (sometimes, lol, the Deadpool and Wolverine brainrot has a vise-like grip on my brain rn and it's distracting me from other fandom...oof)
If you want to see me spew nonsense, just look for the tag aether yaps because I do a lot of yapping.
My works will be tagged as aether's stories.
I write both short and long form fiction. My AO3 handle is AetherWritesThings.
More randomness under the cut! (You can also find DNI related inquiries, more on fandom, and what kind of tags to block if you don't want to see certain types of works on my blog, as well as general content warnings for my non-adult/YA work.)
Backstory timeeeeeee
I've been writing fanfiction since the autism really started autisming back in 2010. Yeah, I've been writing fanfic for 14 years and I haven't had an AO3 until now. Sad innit lol (Also yes, I am actually autistic, amongst other brain problems lmfao) I started in a spiral bound notebook, writing Twilight Princess fanfiction by hand as a child.
I fell off the writing wagon in 2020, when my writing buddy and best friend ghosted me for being queer. Since then, I've done a lot of growing up, changing, and deep introspection. Besides learning how to handle my mental illness, I've also learned to take my time and enjoy the process of creation, rather than just slap something on a page and hate it for the rest of my existence. I've also learned that, sometimes, it's ok to put down the original work and just enjoy some self-indulgent fanworks sometimes!
I haven't gotten his permission to tag his account here, but my lovely beta reader is my very own husband, the only person in my life that I feel comfortable sharing my works with. (It's different if it's strangers on the internet or writing buddies, which I don't have anymore, lol) Shoutout to the hubby <3
I don't really do DNIs because I don't post anything that could be DNI-able. (And by that, I mean I will avoid posting or reblogging triggering or DNI-able content, such as political or deeply controversial content). Most of my works are intended for young adult audiences, but sometimes the ship brainrot seizes me and I make adult works as well. I will tag everything appropriately. If you don't want to see NSFW content, but still want to follow, feel free to just add jeepers that's smut to your blocked tags! That's what I'll tag any and all of my adult-themed works with!
I'm also gonna tag fandom as aether writes (insert fandom) so I can organize my work. For example, if I post a Zelda fic, I'll tag aether writes Legend of Zelda :)
General content warnings DO apply to my sfw content, so as I post / think of more, I'll add to the list here. Current Content Warnings / Trigger Warnings: violence, blood, medical procedures, emeto/vomit/illness (non-graphic, I am emetophobic lol), death, strong language
And some stuff just for fun!
I have two cats, both of them orange. They're so dumb <3. My favorite color is green. I have been in the Legends of Zelda fandom for going on 15 years now (I'm old). My favorite three Legends of Zelda games in descending order are Twilight Princess (ily Midna), Skyward Sword, and Wind Waker. I have also played Majora's Mask (ITS SO HARD), Ocarina of Time (screw the Water Temple fr), Phantom Hourglass, Hyrule Warriors, Breath of the Wild, and Tears of the Kingdom. I recently started Minish Cap and I adore it!
Feel free to message me or ask me stuff! I should be posting some writing soon, so be on the lookout for more silliness.
Last Updated: 10-29-2024
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blookmallow ¡ 4 months ago
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hello and welcome to the virtual tour of my castle settlement which i have put so many things into the game has blocked me from building any more. i have a whole tiny city going in here. could probably use some updating now that i have more add-ons and therefore more options, but
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heres the main shops, everyone say hi nick
i put the vault tec sales guy in charge of the general store (hes slacking off in this picture but its fine) and he seems to be living his best life. he didn't think there was a place for a salesman in this world now and i was like hold on. i have the perfect job
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little clinic (there are also science and medical magazines in here)
continue on for more. also let me know if y'all like these id be glad to do more of them but this is definitely my most elaborate settlement
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my restaurant. looks really boring now that i look at it though maybe ill mess with it some more. i dont remember if there were remnants of a kitchen in here originally or if i just decided to put a restaurant there, but
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the weapon and armor shops (say hi to nick again) (he kept getting in the way, )
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i walled off most of these little alcoves and turned them into tiny houses. i gave each of them a color theme because i love a color theme. this one is white house. the vault tec sales guy lives there. it's my favorite one. i don't know why
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here we have red house. it's the biggest one bc it's at the end of the hall
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theres blue house. i think i have the ability to make blue chairs now but i think the green looks nice with the plants so maybe ill leave it
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heres green house. it has a little patio area. i think curie lives in here. i didn't assign anyone to specific beds but i think they auto assign if you didn't set it? bc i always see the vault tec guy in the white house and curie's usually in here. i have no idea where preston sleeps but he lives at the castle when he's not with me too. anyway i need more things for the shelf
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i made this one into a bathroom. im just pretending the plumbing works bc i dont want to think too much about the implications otherwise. water fountains work when you build them, so,
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i think this was originally some kind of meeting room so i went with it and tried to build off that, it's also where i store extra weapons and grenades and stuff. the npcs love knocking over everything on the table. i never see them do it but it happens constantly
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this one is a rec room/bunk house. i dont remember if i ever found a full set of pool balls for that table or not. i know the TVs don't do anything but i like that they can still turn on. maybe one day there'll be something to watch. presumably if video tapes still exist those might work??
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the npcs knocked this over and ruined it almost immediately but look at my cute bullet checkers :')
i would Love to see y'alls settlements/stuff you've built/collections of things pls send me if you have them
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kharmii ¡ 7 months ago
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youtube
Thank you Matt Walsh! In todays show: 02:08 - 18:34 How We Became A Society Full Of ‘Traumatized’ Weaklings, Matt talks about how media increasingly is putting trigger warnings on every little thing. Its turning something stupid the girlies online started doing back in 2009 that never really went away into mainstream. My favorite part of this is where he says:
In 2013 leading medical associations radically altered the meaning of trauma. This is a a common theme with the medical organizations where they take something -especially something that's a mental health problem- and they expand and expand and expand the definition until eventually everybody has it.
We've seen this with many things. PTSD just being one of them as one Berkeley psychology Professor recently told the New York Times: "Some changes to the diagnostic manual psychological disorders may have blurred the line between PTSD and disorders like depression or anxiety". In 2013 the committee overseeing revisions to the manual expanded the list of potential PTSD symptoms to include dysphoria or a deep sense of unease and a negative worldview which could also be caused by depression. The Times report added PTSD was introduced as an official diagnosis in 1980 as it became clear that combat experiences had imprinted on many Vietnam veterans making it difficult them for them to work or participate in family life.
Over the decades that followed the definition was revised to encompass a large range of injury, violence, and abuse as well as indirect exposure to traumatic events. In other words with very little fanfare the medical establishment completely redefined the meaning of PTSD and the trauma necessary to qualify for a diagnosis.
Once again, this this is the trajectory that we follow with almost every mental illness or mental health challenge. It starts first they come up with the idea of it. They come up with the label and it applies to a small subset of the population. As time goes on it expands and expands and expands and expands so that eventually every single living human on earth could qualify as having PTSD or depression or anxiety or ADHD (or autism) so now it's no longer necessary to personally witness a violent death or injury to receive a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder. It's enough to indirectly experience such a violent death or injury that is trauma under the new standard. This is what psychologists are telling their patients.
The only limitation as far as I can tell from reading through the dsm5 is that this indirect exposure has to involve a loved one. Even then, it's no longer necessary for your symptoms to involve vivid flashbacks and extreme social dysfunction or anything like that because now if you have a deep sense of unease and a negative worldview then you have PTSD. Never mind the fact that probably the vast majority of people in the country have at least sometimes a deep sense of unease and even a negative worldview. In fact every person who's ever lived on the planet struggles at least at times with a deep sense of unease and has -if not all the time- often a worldview that could be described as negative.
Again every single person could have PTSD. That's all it takes to suffer trauma according to every major medical institution at this point. This is one way in which the concept of trauma has been expanded and over diagnosed into oblivion. They just changed the meaning of the word back in 2013 probably to enable more doctors to diagnose more patients and prescribe them some more drugs. Then that lingo filters down to the media and everywhere else.
If that sounds far-fetched or conspiratorial consider the fact that another convenient rebranding took place that same year in 2013. It was also the year that the American Medical Association or AMA abruptly decided to reclassify obesity as a disease just like asthma or diabetes. This happened in the same year but the AMA privately acknowledged that obesity didn't actually meet the criteria to be classified as a disease because there are no unique symptoms that only obese people suffer from. It's also the only disease in the world that can be cured with a 100% success rate by expending more calories than you're consuming. Nevertheless the AMA simply decided that reclassifying obesity as a disease would have a positive impact on society, so they did it. This is how the psychiatric community decides ultimately whether something will be classified as a mental illness or not. The criteria isn't actually asking the question 'Is it a mental illness?' They're asking, would 'calling it that' (whether it's true or not) have a positive impact on society?
Again, notice that that question is different from is 'it true would have a positive impact' with 'is it true (that obesity is an actual real disease)' those are actually two different questions. The Lancet (medical journal) documented all of this as I outlined a few months ago. Now just a few years later Oprah is hosting an hour-long special in which she confidently suggests that OIC is the miracle drug that can cure this disease. Now there's reason to believe that the same approach has now been applied to trauma much like the idea Lancet acknowledgements.
This massively expanded definition of trauma has quickly made its way from a handful of elite academics all the way to everyday life so now we get trigger warnings on Netflix and Hulu and the theater and everywhere else. Much more importantly now millions of Americans incorrectly believe that they've suffered trauma when they haven't. They are under the impression that their problems are far more serious and uncontrollable than they really are. Now that's good for the people prescribing the medications and doing the talk therapy. It keeps the money rolling in for everybody else. It's yet another sign that we're becoming a weaker and more broken society, one that inevitably will become even easier to control and manipulate.
(Basically, left wing victimhood culture turns us all into emotional infants who will never ever get over our 'trauma'. I had left the comment: PTSD is something you get over with time. Sometimes you need therapy -often you just need a friend to talk to- but mostly time heals trauma. If a person doesn't get over PTSD, then they end up a homeless guy on drugs. Left wing victim culture wants to turn us all into emotional infants who never get over our trauma. The drug industry wants us all hooked on medications which often make the condition worse.)
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babyjakes ¡ 2 years ago
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forever and a day | 51. jenny.
〈 disclaimer: this blog posts content not suitable for individuals under the age of 18. minors are strictly prohibited from viewing, sharing, or interacting with this blog. for more information on this blog's commitment to protecting minors, read our full statement here. 〉
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summary | a story in which america’s favorite captain gives a new life and family to a five-year-old girl who has suffered well beyond her years at the hands of hydra.
characters | dad!steve rogers, girl/willa rogers (original character)
warnings | AU similar enough to OU to include spoilers to many Marvel movies (Age of Ultron and beyond). action and fight scenes with violence and killing. injuries/mild gore. mature themes related to and semi-graphic depictions of child abuse/neglect, past CSA and CSM, and their aftermath (emaciation, wounds, scarring, etc). medical abuse (including sterilization) and experimentation. ptsd/trauma symptoms in a child (developmental discrepancies, de-humanized behavior, detachment, extreme fears). medical treatment of CSM and other aftermath of abuse.trauma-informed therapeutic treatment of ECT. minor mentions of disordered eating. themes relating to abuse of power/authority and immoral interrogation tactics including SA (with brief depictions.) evil!Tony Stark.
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[Jenny]
"Hi there, Willa. My name is Dr. Brighton, but you can just call me Jenny if you'd like. I'm a friend of Dr. Banner's; it's very nice to meet you," I say mildly to the small child sitting on the floor in front of me as I stand in the doorway to her room, adjusting the uncomfortable strap of my backpack slightly on my shoulder. My first impression of Willa is that she's small, incredibly small. Her wide green eyes seem to fill most of her pale face that sits surrounded by wavy wisps of medium brown hair, tucked back messily at the ears. She wears a plain white shirt with a small set of flowers running across the front, along with a pair of dark purple pants and ruffled white socks. In her hands, she holds a wooden piece to a puzzle, the rest set out in a pile in front of her.
She eyes me warily up and down, an unintentional pout making its way onto her face as she tilts her head slightly, seeming unsure how to respond. "I just spoke with your dad for a while out in the kitchen, and now I'd like to meet with you, if that's okay. May I come in?" I ask carefully, not wanting to make any advancements towards the young child until she expresses clear permission.
Willa gives a small, single nod as a response, her expression of uncertainty not changing in the slightest. Sending her a kind smile, I step into the room, crouching down and joining her as she sits quietly on the floor in front of her crates of toys. Her timid gaze doesn't leave me as I set my backpack down beside me, sliding it off my shoulder and crossing my legs in front of me. "I see you're working on a puzzle," I observe, eyeing the small amount of progress she's made on the activity so far. "Do you know what kind of picture it makes? I can't quite tell yet from what you've got started there."
"F-farm," she tells me quietly. "Aminals."
"Animals," I gasp softly, my smile widening at the way the child says the word. "That's fun. What kind of animals will there be?"
"Cow," she responds shyly, then adding, "cow goes 'moo.'"
"That's right; they do," I agree. "Would you like some help working on your puzzle as we talk? I would love to see how the picture turns out when it's put together," I offer, hoping that engaging in some play might help the little girl warm up to me. She nods silently, beginning to sort through the pile of untouched pieces as I lean over a bit closer, getting started as well. "So your dad told me lots about you," I tell her, "but I would love to get to know you in person, as well. Do you think you could tell me a little bit about yourself?" I ask, not wanting to dig too deeply right off the bat.
"Hm," she hums, her eyes staying lowered as she sorts through the puzzle pieces. "I'm Willa," she begins. "I'm five." Finding one of the corners, she puts it in place and takes a deep breath. "Sorry," she mumbles. "Don't know what else t'say."
"That's alright," I tell her reassuringly as I connect an edge to her corner. "How about I ask you some easy questions about you, would that be okay? I know it must be strange meeting someone new like this." She nods, seeming fine with the idea. "Okay. We can start real simple. What’s your favorite color?”
“I like pink,” she tells me, her little fingers moving to set another piece carefully in its place. By the way the child moves it’s starkly evident that she’s developed overly cautious tendencies, unsurprising considering all she’s been through. It’s saddening to see, though; even with something as simple as a puzzle, she seems to be afraid to make any movement that might be too big or noticeable. “Yellow, too. And blue, ‘cause Daddy likes blue.”
“I see,” I nod as I watch the small girl’s eyes scan carefully over the remaining pieces. “Those are all nice colors. What do you like to do, Willa? How do you like to spend your time?”
Thinking for a moment, she blinks a few times before offering an answer. “Like to… to play. And spend time with Daddy, and my f’iends.”
“That sounds very fun,” I say with a smile. “You’ve mentioned your daddy a few times, Willa; can you tell me a little bit about your family? Or whoever you feel is closest to you?" I ask, understanding that the concept of 'family' might be a little bit complicated in this situation.
The girl's brow furrows slightly as she thinks for a moment, shrugging. "My family is... me, and Daddy. Daddy's name is Steve," she explains.
"Hmm, okay," I go along as we continue to work on the puzzle, more and more of the picture slowly coming together between the two of us. "What's your daddy like? I know I just met with him, as I said, but I would like to hear what you think of him as well."
"Daddy is... the best daddy in the world," Willa says lovingly, her words so soft I almost have to lean in to hear them. Her statement makes me smile, and I don't have a single doubt that she means it with all of her heart. "He's nice and- and sweet, and funny and sm-smart and-… and he doesn't get mad at me or hurt me, even when I'm really scared he will."
"That's very good to hear," I tell her gladly. "He does seem like a really great daddy, then. Do you remember how you and your daddy met?" I ask gently, wanting to tread lightly into this new territory. Willa blinks, the expression on her face shifting slightly from warmth and affection to more of a solemn look. 
"He- I-... I used to live in a lab," she discloses honestly. "D-Daddy, he-... he and his f'iends came and rescued me."
"I see," I say sadly. "I'm sorry you had to live in a lab. That seems really scary; I'm glad you were rescued by good people who could help you."
"Me too," she agrees, not seeming very comfortable with sharing much more about the topic. 
"Who else are you close with?" I ask, hoping to shift the conversation towards something more light-hearted. "Your daddy told me you've made lots of friends since being rescued."
"Peter," she responds almost instantly. "He's my b-best f'iend." I nod, already well aware of the boy's important role in Willa's life thanks to Bruce and Steve. 
"Peter, I've heard about him," I nod. "What do you and Peter like to do?"
"Lots of things," the little girl tells me. "Watch Paw Patrol and play and h-have movie marathons with Thor. He's nice too. Daddy says he's from another planet. Guess that makes him a… think it’s called a alien."
"Wow, an alien," I enthuse as we fit the last few of the puzzle pieces together before us. "That's really something else, huh?"
"Yeah. He's weird. But I like him... he's funny," she tells me, popping the very last piece into its place.
"Great job on the puzzle," I smile, taking a moment to look over the picture. "You're really good at those, huh?" She nods shyly, breaking the image back up and shuffling the pieces away into their box. "Well, sweetheart, I bet you're probably a little bit confused about who I am and why I'm here, so how about I tell you a little bit about myself and what I'm here for?" Willa nods in agreement to this, closing up the box to her puzzle and looking over at me warily, signaling she's ready to listen.
"Like I said before, my name is Dr. Brighton, and I'm a colleague of Dr. Banner’s. I'm a child psychologist, which is a fancy word for a doctor who helps kids with their emotional health, and I'm also a licensed therapist with a specialty in treating victims of severe trauma, which means I help people who have gone through really scary and hurtful things heal from their pasts and adjust to their new realities. I'm here because Dr. Banner has shared with me some of what you've gone through, and I'd really like to help you work through some of your feelings and fears as you navigate your new life. Your daddy told me some more things about you, too, things that you might need some help with, and I think that if we all work together, we can really get you feeling better and safer here. How does that sound to you?" I ask the child, hoping that my lengthy introduction made at least some sense to her.
Willa swallows hard, the look on her face leading me to believe she's feeling more cautious than flat-out confused. "I- you-... you want to help me?" she asks quietly. I nod.
"That's right, sweetie. Dr. Banner has been helping you with your physical injuries, but a lot of what you went through hurt you on an emotional level, as well, so that's the kind of doctor that I am; I'd like to help you work through your feelings."
"My feelings…” her voice trails off as she takes a moment to think. “I feel fine," she mumbles, not seeming to quite understand the point I'm making.
"That's good, I'm glad to hear that," I tell her. "But remember when you were telling me about your daddy, about how wonderful and nice he is, and you said that sometimes you get really scared that he might get angry with you or hurt you?" At this, the little girl tenses, nodding hesitantly. "Those are the kinds of fears I'd like to help you work through. I bet it's very difficult going through life when you're afraid that at any moment, you might get really hurt, isn't it?" Willa nods again. "You went through some really difficult things, sweetheart, things you never should've had to experience. Because of that, your brain had to change itself in order to protect you. But now you're safe; you have a daddy who keeps you safe and you live in a house where no one hurts you, right?" 
"Daddy p'otects me," the child tells me.
"Yes he does, so now you can start healing from all the hurt you went through. Does that make sense, sweetie? I know this must be a lot to take in." The girl nods, and I can only hope that she truly means it. "Good. And it'll take time, I'm sure, but I really think we can get you feeling better and stronger and braver, Willa. You have all those things inside of you. We just have to find them."
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kami-kun1003 ¡ 3 years ago
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Currently obsessed with Genshin Impact sagau, so I made my own little thing for it. Also featuring one of my OCs because... yeah. Probably cringe but oh well, its my new comfort scenario :)
TW: Religious themes, cult, implied injuries (not descriptive tho)
okok so hear me out
what if god!Darling was isekai’d into Genshin, and all the usual stuff happens. they get accused of being an imposter, get hunted down like a wild animal, the hilichurls and slimes recognize them as their Divine One, etc etc.
and after about a few weeks of this, they think “well this place fucking sucks” and decide to run away and build a small, humble cottage far northwest of Liyue, with the help of their hilichurl friends ofc. its somewhat hidden and everything is fine for a while until a teenage girl with light blue hair stumbles upon it one day.
Darling understandably freaks the hell out because they think the girl’s gonna kill them on sight like everyone else had been trying to, but nope. turns out, she’s actually sane and not as obsessively religious as everyone else in Teyvat and feels bad for Darling. she doesn’t know that they’re actually a god, but doesn’t believe that they’re trying to impersonate one on purpose either.
she introduces herself as Lanying, a traditional dancer from Liyue, and an Anemo Vision holder. they get to know eachother, and Darling takes a liking to her personality. soon she has to leave, but comes back whenever she can to bring food and medical supplies. and during every visit, they grow closer and closer together, sharing stories and joking around. little by little, they fall in love, and share some fluffy moments together.
well, Lanying disappearing for entire days catches the attention of others, and they don’t quite believe her excuses because she just had this aura that she knew something they didn’t. so out of suspicion, the Millelith follows her one day, and lo and behold, she leads them directly to the “imposter”, who had been missing for quite some time.
so of course they begin to attack Darling, and were furious to find Lanying fighting them back like a traitor. then the whole “Darling has golden blood and it proves that they’re actually the Creator” thing happens, and the guards beg for forgiveness from Their Grace.
Darling and Lanying are s h o o k because they didn’t know that Darling was an actual god. but they send the Millelith away to inform the archons that whoops, they fucked up and the person that they’d been hunting and tormenting for weeks was actually their god <3
they plead for forgiveness, sobbing and apologizing (as they should), while Darling just looks at them with disgust and disappointment.
now imagine everyone’s shock as Darling hugs Lanying and announces that this person was the only one they loved and trusted, and that anyone who harmed her would go through hell.
jealousy. so much jealousy and bitterness that the ONE PERSON who didn’t obsessively worship their Divine Creator was the only one who was blessed with their love and care. but they knew that they had no one but themselves to blame, so they could only watch in envy.
Darling decides to accept their apologies, not really having it in their heart to punish them severely. meeting Lanying had softened them, especially after hearing her stories about the wonderful people in Liyue. but they’re not completely over it, and probably never would be. like, they were literally traumatized from being hunted down by their favorite characters so they can’t really love them anymore. there’s no hatred, just indifference.
the only person they could truly love at this point was Lanying, much to the extreme jealousy of their acolytes. but at least they were happy now with their beautiful girlfriend and future wife :)
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Well, that was an absolutely garbage story with a bittersweet ending, but at least I had fun writing it. I’ll probably make more about this later.
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captainsupernoodle ¡ 2 years ago
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*looks at my bookmarks and to read list* *looks away* I'm gonna need to do themed rec posts huh. So here's what I've been reading recently - these are wips that are currently updating, altho at varying speeds! Most of these are steddie 😂
wouldn't it be nice (if we could wake up) by kissesforcas, 70k - they finished destroying my heart with soft fluffy low stakes nerdy loveliness in the shire is NOT on fire and decided to come for me from the other direction with some Delicious angst with their take on immediate post-Vecna fallout. Ymmv if you're squicked by imprisonment and/or medical experimentation but it's clearly tagged and there are chapter content warnings! (Light spoiler but) I wanna give a big hand for Steve getting to join in on the monster shenanigans and an absolutely stunning take on the upside down. Almost complete!
I'll Hear You Scream by whileawaythehours, 50k - AUGH. Vampire!Eddie but it's mostly aftermath, and WHAT an aftermath, ooh boy. Definitely a heavy angst start, but proceeded to lovely softness at this point. Features Steve with a big-ass sword, unfortunately overshadowed by circumstance, but a cool image nonetheless.
Lacking Substance Not Fear by ItCanBePalped, 10k - Steve does music! It's Steve & Robin centric so far (possibly my favorite relationship in the show, and excellently done here) with the adventures of keeping Steve's head in one piece. Tackling IRL consequences of things like head injuries can get heavy fast, but so far this is mostly fluff! Steve Is Okay. Robin, I love you.
(something happens and I'm) head over heels by GibbousLunation, 30k - I did two vamp Eddie fics so here are two "Steve gets hit in the head a lot" fics. Steve is uuuuh less okay in this one but at the current chapter they DID find him from where he wandered off and he's gonna be alright.
keds and tube socks by littlelansky, 15k - they watch Nausicaa!!! No upside down drama, all fun group dynamics, some of that we-saved-the-world-together-but-we-dont-really-KNOW-eachother developing friendship/pre-relationship stuff with Steddie. Excellent.
to be cut adrift by cydonic, 18k - some of those fun old PTSD coping mechanisms! Midnight drives and Eddie trying his best to help out the chronic helper. Steve cooks!
Let us Dwell in Fair Ithilien and There Make a Garden by materialism and sparklyslug, 60k - this is a series rather than a singular fic but it is updating with one shots and things. Some similarities with "the most remarkable thing" by greatunironic in that it's a "five/ten/many years later" of how everybody's lives go after the upside down is done for good, Extensive Steddie Pining, and they both made me tear up with MANY feelings.
hellfire (save my soul) by philomendron, 30k - so far it's a pre-season 4 alternative mundane first meeting of Steve recruiting Eddie to help him put on a surprise party for Robin, which I would read the heck out of all on its own, but it's tagged "alternate universe - demons" and "Steve has powers" so I'm Extremely 👀👀👀👀👀
Punishers, Pretenders by beetlesandstars, 4k - a brand spanking new adventure by the writer of Feed On You and To Be Loved For No Reason At All. Only one chapter so far, but the tags imply it's gonna be a doozy (possibly with cuddles 👀) and I always love seeing the songs and band names people come up with for Eddie's rockstar career. Hang in there, Steve!
Descent into the Depths of the Earth (Or at Least Milwaukee) by disastardly, 40k - LAST CHAPTER COMING UP!!! Steve takes the nerds to gen con and has just now registered his own crush and I am LIVING for the gentleness.
standing up the dead by heartofwinterfell, 30k - just an epilogue coming up!! Max pov of Max and Eddie hopping realities together, I Love Them and I love the creativity around the premise, and the execution is A++++
Oh Boy, You’re the Devil! by prettydizzeed, 11k - I really can't describe it better than the summary: "A campy, satirical take on the Satanic Panic, featuring undercover missions to the local church service, falling for the antichrist, and engineering an Easter miracle." Incredible. to unsettle the foundation by the same author has me SO excited, Eddie and Kali is a combination bound to explode.
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hello, on the theme of the medic anon, I am about to become the engie anon because I’m down bad and your stuff is feeding me. can you do engie confessing?
Oh hell yes. I have a feeling we are going to have more merc anon. lol. The confessing idea is so cute!!!! I will make this fluffy and soft! You know what! I will make it extra fluffy and soft! (why am I talking like this is a Starbucks order lol) I hope you enjoy~! I just wanna let you know the it is quiet simple I think he is a simple man when confessing is love. Also its bit similar to sniper they both are pretty simple about their feeling you know? Enjoy~
~Engineer confessing~
Both of you were in love with each other...engi had a hard time expressing his love! You were just so dang cute! He tried to express his love to you but those cuteness attack always hits him through his heart making it hard to express. You too were the same thing, you tried to express your love but his cute and charms attack just keep making it so hard for you!! You both really loved each other...
Luckily engi decided to take the step he just really needed to say it, everytime you smile his heart gets bigger and bigger with the love he feels like it gonna explode open any moment. He needed to confess and he was going to make it nice and lovely.
He made some planning...not too much tho. Just a few steps the first thing he did was know all your favorite things properly flowers, color, etc. He also practiced speaking better so that he does not stutter (he stutters sometimes and when confessing he wants to be serious)
Confession day~~♡
You were looking for engi, he asked you to meet with him at his workplace at 6:00. But he said that in a weird way, not anything different or anything just his tone? no, I dont know but something was up. you wern`t sure what it was....hmm.
5:45
You were heading to his workplace, you went in and it was nice and quiet you were walking around his workshop, you were walking around when you found a particular item on the desk, it was the keychain you gave to engi...he still had it after all that time!? That made me melt...he was such a sweetheart. Then you heard footsteps and felt a hand on your wrist. !?
Engi was there he was looking at you in the eye, ''S-S/o I have something to tell you something that has been...me different.'' *your heart skipped 2 beats, sure engi! Do you wanna talk about it on the couch?' He nodded.
You both sat on the couch, ''S/o I want to tell you something.'' You can tell me anything engi! You smiled gently *crack* that was the final straw (not in a bad way) his heart burst/exploded. ''I like you s/o! I have liked you for a long time, you are the most sweetest thing ever, you were always there for me during the tough times, everything you do makes my heart flutter, it hard to express my feelings! Touch my heart!'' He then placed your hand on his chest. It was warm and fast...You blushed.
I-I feel the same too engi. Your words also make my heart flutter, you make me feel special and loved when I am around you! Here touch my heart.'' You then placed his hand in yours. It was also warm and fast. Before you could say something, engi hugged you ''haha, I am so glad that we feel the same about each other'' His head was nuzzled in your neck. You both were a blushing mess.
After some laughing and smiling, engi took your hand and took it into his ''So s/o would you like to go on a date with me? Tomorrow 3:00.'' You blushed yet again ''sure! Its a date!'' You both parted ways and were so excited about the date. You both went to your own room (separate) and collapsed on the floor. ''I am in love'' ''I am in love''
WOOO! I hope this was okay. It was interesting writing engi. I never really wrote about him you know? So this took some time but it was still really fun!!!
Extra notes: Um, engi anon I hope you enjoyed it! You can request/ask me to write the date part too if you like. I just wanted to make it a separate post. Can you also add maybe the date location/theme or something? It is okay if you do not want me to write the date part. I hope you enjoyed this simple yet sweet confession :)).
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dimeadoesnt ¡ 2 years ago
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I am really curious so again 18 27 and 32 👀
OOOO THANK YOU!!! I love talking about TF2 so this is filling me with SO much joy fr
18: Favorite headcanon?
Hmm, hard one. I do love the H/C that medic is jewish, it definitely adds more to his character and gives him a bit of depth and provides a bit more diversity to the group! It also fits with his themes having Yiddish/Klezmer music, and (while I may be VERY wrong) I’ve heard he uses a Yiddish inflection when speaking! (Though that could also be very inaccurate since tf2 isn’t exactly known for its accents being spot on) Either way, it’s a headcanon I sincerely do love!
also a much sillier one but I think spy has a fondness for practicing slight-of-hand magic :)
27: Which character would you get along the best with?
ok listen. I would love to hang out with Engie. I would LOVE to... but I don’t think he’d be BEST. We could chill, sure, but in all honesty? Aside from the accent, a love of music, and roasting things on a fire, we haven’t got all that much in common. So I’m goin with Heavy. I think we’d get on well, oldest siblings tend to have compatible vibes, and we both have an appreciation for literature! I’d happily listen to him explain how Sasha works, and can for sure vibe in comfortable silences when words run out (also he can show me how to punch things REAL good)
32: Who was your favorite character when you first got into the fandom? Did it change? being fully honest I initially really liked scout! I still love the guy, don’t get me wrong, he’s the whole reason I got into the fan base so he’s always gonna have a special place in my heart, but then I started getting into the other characters. My interest skipped to sniper, since I read the comics before anything else and thought he was a cool, dangerous sort of dude (which he /is/ but he’s also a dork). Then I started looking at the characters that had less love and found out Engie is actually a really cool dude! I used to think he was kinda one-note, that note being ‘smart cowboy’, and while he’s still very much a smart cowboy I’ve found he’s got a lot more going on than meets the eye!
thank you for the ask again!!! I got a lil carried away with these answers, but I have SO many thoughts about these lil dudes
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ialwaysknewyouwerepunk ¡ 4 years ago
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golden - a close reading
fine line is my favorite album of all time, truly a masterpiece and the music that brings me ultimate comfort. i'll be making a post about every track and then finish it off with a grand conclusion; an ode to the album as a whole, if you will. thanks for all the nice responses to my previous lyric analyses (only angel, mmith) - it really really means a lot to me. alright, enough blabbing
fine line, track 1
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Golden, golden, golden as I open my eyes
Hold it, focus, hoping, take me back to the light
awakening, realisation. EYES OPEN. ~ lights up, “step into the light”
opening track, eyes are open: one of the central themes of the album
again: "you" needs to help H ~MMITH
I know you were way too bright for me
first meeting, at the start of their relationship H was awestruck/tongue-tied (~sunflower vol. 6)
I'm hopeless, broken, so you wait for me in the sky
recurring theme: self-deprecating H (~MMITH)
"you" is the one waiting ⟷ H in MMITH: was "you" on the right side of the door all along, waiting for H to come around?
Brown my skin just right
"you" is Harry’s sun, force of life; knows how to warm H up to anything
You're so golden
I'm out of my head, and I know that you're scared
crazy in love / has no inhibitions anymore, doesn't want to hide away their love
Because hearts get broken
"you" is scared, despite being so bright and strong - fear of letting H fully in - walls are up
I don't wanna be alone
recurring theme: loneliness (falling, from the dining table, to be so lonely, etc.)
I don't wanna be alone when it ends
Don't wanna let you know
when what ends? ~ MMITH “we don’t talk about it”?
recurring theme: lack of communication
But I can feel it take a hold
I can feel you take control 
Of who I am, and all I've ever known
Lovin' you's the antidote
doubts fall away because the one right answer is that their love conquers all
ode to overcoming doubts ~ MMITH
their love took over their lives for good
"antidote": recurring theme of love as a drug/medication: MMITH, Habit
⟶ for what? loneliness, insecurities?
I know that you're scared because I'm so open
SYNTHESIS
As the opening track of Fine Line, Harry makes a clear statement about the album. It's a celebration of love, an ode to the early stages of love, the insecurities that are involved in that. Just like in Meet Me In The Hallway, Harry is sure of this love, and its power to overcome anything, this time just with a bit more confidence. This relationship struggles with being open, with saying everything they're feeling. Harry is still there, still waiting for this person to be as open as he is, but he acknowledges that that person is also waiting for him, and always has been. This song is Harry telling us that he's finally opened his mouth, in contrast to his silent waiting in MMITH, and wants his person to come celebrate their love with him. 
This openness in Harry is one of the central themes in Fine Line, and it's an openness to love as well as an openness within himself and to everything that he can be.
He acknowledges their feelings, their hesitation in order to not get hurt, but wants those doubts to fall away. He's instilling confidence in his love, because they're the sun, they're golden, and Harry is entirely enthralled by them. His sun has always helped him find the light, find his way back to himself and their love. Harry needing this sun, this person, is also a recurring theme in all of his music, and in Golden it's sung as merely one aspect of their love, not something that takes over or is a burden (MMITH, falling). It's a testament to Harry looking up to them, to that person giving him strength and showing him the way. They're his compass, so to speak.
The music video for the song also shows the joyous character of the song: Harry is elated, sprinting and dancing. The parallels in visuals between the mv and movie Holding the Man are too striking not to mention. It's a film about a long-term relationship between two men, and how they overcome their struggles over all the years they're together. The opening scenes of the movie show one of the protagonists running through an Italian coastal city, much like Harry in the mv, all the way to the sea, where he jumps in. In the mv, we also see Harry in the water, and the side-by-sides make it clear where Harry found his inspiration. This parallel, to me, underlines the struggles a long-lasting love can go through, be it through internal or external causes, and that love, the knowledge that you have it, conquering it all. It also shows an acceptance of life and its twists and turns, and finding freedom and beauty in that. 
This love makes Harry euphoric and he’ll shout it out to anyone who will listen. Love that for us.
read my other lyric analyses here
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