#i love her & her psychology sm she is such a deep character

[biggest-vi-defender]

okay, so let’s talk about vi’s self-harming tendencies & her deeply-rooted desire to love and be loved.

and while we’re at it, why don’t we add her depression into the conversation.

[stanheightis]

ok im done yellowjackets and i have a LOT of thoughts! (MAJOR YELLOWJACKETS SEASON 1&2 SPOILERS!!!!)

- why do yall hate travis sm?? like i KNOW he said some shit in s1 that was unfavourable, but hes not THAT BAD??? had me thinking he was gonna be evil NO!! hes a CHILD!!! on top of this, why is travnat like shunned in this fandom, i dont think its THAT bad, but im not their biggest fan

- i dont get the hype over lottienat.. 😓 i think its js cause i dont really like lottie that much and i LOVE nat like shes so me but i dont get it truly (i take it back lfmao, lottie is NAWTT my gal)

- JACKIE. FUCKING. TAYLOR. i love you, you died too soon queen rip ✊ jackieshauna u will always be famous

- I WILL BE A D1 SHAUNA DEFENDER IDCCC when i watched the first episode like last year i didnt rly like her WHAT WAS I DOING i love u shauna shipman u deserve BETTER.

- taivan… my beloveds taivan… you are too beautiful for this i love you so much taivan. doomed yuri at its finest

- i saw someone said travnat is just straightified toxic yuri and i cant unsee that lmfao

- do people hate callie??? if so, i will be her BIGGEST FAN IDCCCC im that entire families n1 defender ok like they deserve betterrrrr omfggggd like callie is just a teen!! shes a KID!!! she wanted to HELP!!!

- if this show ends up being a supernatural type show i might deadass drop it, like i think it would be SO much more interesting if it was psychological instead of supernatural

- LOTTIELEE!!!! lottielee my babies they were just the first 2 to go insane and found solace in each other and laura lee haunts lottie!! i am a sucker for haunting other characters

- what ben did was justified i understand him cuz i KNOW their asses were gonna eat him next

- okay i might be wrong but if they had actually been MOVING in one direction since the start of the show, they wouldve had to have found civilization by that point. ik theyre deep in the canadian wilderness but people still live somewhere up there/people wouldve been up there during summertime, they were bound to find SOMEONE but NO!! they stayed in one spot and resorted to eating each other. i dont wanna say its their fault but..

- this one might be a little controversial and contrary to my previous posts, but i found the adult storyline more entertaining a few times as opposed to the kids one.

- misty.. i have such mixed feelings on her, i dont think a character has ever pissed me off while simultaneously rootinf for her sometimes ever wtf what an amazinf character

- i think jeff was unironically the funniest character in the show soley due to his line delivery

- shauna going from protecting javi to having to be the one to cut him up 🙁

- actually, i think ill forever hold a grudge against all them (besides nat and shauna) for WATCHING JAVI DIE??? man fuck the opps fr

- ok i see people sayinf that 8 people survived the wilderness but whos the last like ks the 8 ppl thing fake?? cuz ik shauna, nat, misty, tai, van, lottie and travis all survived then whos the 8th?? (hoping its ben🙏)

- we need more confirmed sapphics

- last thing i think but whats up w tai and the “other one”?? cuz i looked up if it was DID, and it was confirmed no (rightfully so, that would be a HORRIBLE stereotype) but im so confused on what it COULD be 😭

- OKAY ONE LAST THING the alive ones always talk about “what they did” in the wilderness, and how they dont want the secret out, but was it actually confirmed on what it was?? cuz it doesnt rly make sense if it IS the cannibalism because i dont think people are that stupid, and probably just ASSUME thats what happened. is it the cult maybe?? it could be HOW they went on deciding who would be eaten next maybe, cuz thats probably not how others would decide??

- speakinf on the choosing scenes, both had me STRESSINGGG

[gingerpeachtea]

20 questions for 20 writers !!

ty for the tag @aaronstveit :D <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 13 so far

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 19,163

3. What fandoms do you write for? graceland, braindead, and whatever musicals have crawled into my brain like a parasite and won't leave. i used to write a lot more for aos but i've been slacking </3 daisy johnson i miss u!!!!!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? i already know exactly what these are gonna be lmao

sweet words and fevers (143 kudos, aos, quakerider) lose your faith in me (67 kudos, aos, staticquake) somewhere in the haze (43 kudos, graceland, mike sickfic) wrap it in gauze and light the way home (29 kudos, graceland, mike whump, 10 year anniversary fic :3) if i make it to the morning (28 kudos, graceland, mike/charlie/briggs ot3, mike whump)

5. Do you respond to comments? yes!!!! i looove comments i love talking to people about my fics!!! i love fandom i love community!!! peace and love on planet earth!!!!!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? out of what i've posted so far, definitely trial by fire, because the point of conflict between mike and paige/their guilt doesn't really get resolved so much as just...they go on with their lives. almost all my fics are hurt/comfort but tbf leans more towards hurt/no comfort. HOWEVERRRRR i do think that once i post something's in your eyes then that will be the angstiest bc i just find the last scene to be really sad

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? not an option for me NEXT! jk it's pillow

8. Do you get hate on fics? naur <3 yay

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes. gay👍. if the characters are a man and a woman no they aren't. not to me. also it has to involve some kind of deep psychological issue or else i get bored LMFAO

10. Do you write crossovers? naur

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i'm aware of !

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? nope, but i would absolutely be open to it if someone offered

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? no BUT there is a doc titled MIKEJOHNNY FOREVER where reese (@cemeteryklaus) and i planned out a co-written mikejohnny fic and even started it but she is lost to the depths of my google docs </3

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? you absolutely cannot make me do this. if there was a gun to my head and u asked me this question i think id just let you shoot me

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? OH GOD. UM. to be so honest........ bus kids existence of all time :( just because SOOO much of it has to be rewritten since i started it YEARS ago and have changed soo much as a writer. i love her so much like that's my BABY that's my actual physical tangible child in a bassinet but....... goddd it's just sm longer than my fics usually are so there's so much to do and so little time </3 and even if i finish it the sequel is definitely not seeing the light of day just bc there's like three missing scenes i still have to write and have 0 ideas for lmao

16. What are your writing strengths? LOOOOOOVE a good metaphor. so sexy so fun to write etc shes my best friend. my silly rabbit. i also think i've gotten really good at showing and not telling :)

17. What are your writing weaknesses? keeping dialogue in character!!! the way i speak irl is so specific and strange and i usually tend to default to my own voice and then i have to go He Would Not Fucking Say That and fix it. also i am so violently indecisive, i usually have 9238642879845 versions of the exact same paragraph or phrase and i can never choose which one i like the most. 70% of the editing process for me is choosing between different versions of something

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i don't know any other languages so i can't rly do this lmao. i like it tho!!

19. First fandom you wrote for? h*rry p*tter WE DONT HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT!!!!!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? FUCK um. okay so like. let me do one per fandom because i am so violently indecisive.

for braindead it's a no-brainer (hehe) it HAS to be when memories snow bc i LOOOOOVE giving characters my very specific issues and writing laurel's recollection of her finding abby's body and writing the last two paragraphs literally felt like unlocking something in my soul it was so much fun!!!

for aos, bkeoat (bus kids existence of all time) is so self-indulgent and every time i read it it's like OGH OGH OGH OGH OOGA BOOGA AWOOGA many consecutive shots to the chest etc etc and so on and so forth. bc i cooked it specifically to have that effect <3 but out of currently posted fics it has to be lyfim <3333 for the same reasons.

for graceland TRIAL BY FIRE!!! i'm so proud of it and it turned out basically exactly how i wanted it to and i just!!! aaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! HOWEVER something's in your eyes will in fact be tied with it when i post it so. get scared

i don't know 20 writers so i'm just gonna tag a random number of mutuals: @emeraldelysium @dandelion-writes @the-sparkling-diamond-satine @jortspheus @wheelsup-sevenup @acerobbiereyes @cemeteryklaus @saint-ossifrage <3 and anyone else who wants to do this!! :D feel free to tag me if u do!

[darkdemeter]

JERRRRRR YOU HAVE ME IN TEARS!

I mean it, you actually put me in tears, I.AM. A. WRECK. This was so amazing and beautiful, ooooooooh fuck my heart I love this sm, if DS4 takes place in the aftermath of the first game and they reunite and the Horsemen DON'T HAVE THIS CONNECTION -- I AM SENDING A STRONGLY WORDED EMAIL TO NORDIC ATTACHED WITH THESE 3 FICS YOU'VE DONE FOR STRIFE SEPTEMBER.

Each memory was so unique and perfect and I just became sucked into the story, I felt like I was living the memories and the emotions of Fury.

And fuck, with Death's part I just broke. I would wipe my tears away just to start crying again. I FELT Death's absence, I felt that loss so hard. AHHHHH I'm tearing up and crying like a bitch still just thinking about it. Jer, you fucking shifted the dial to 11 on this one and I'm so proud of the work you put into this.

Reading this has inspired me and shown me how much further I can delve into the sibling dynamic between the Horsemen in my own fics that's how so well done this is. Fucking fuck me, this was on all account so brilliant, amazing, spot on, would read again -- WILL READ AGAIN -- cause fuck, you killed it Jer.

It felt so refreshing to not only read but feel like I've experience bits of Fury's childhood (this is all fanfic but man, how I treat it like official lore), and how Strife is referred to as her knight in shining armor speaks volumes, how much trust and respect she actually has for him. She tries so hard to be strong and independent but on the inside, she is always yearning for that moment where it's someone else who's looking out for her, who's got her back. Not to tease her (at least not in a mocking way that makes her feel any lesser or weak) but to protect her and show her that she is loved and cared for.

War is just so sweet and adorable, I love how compared to how he is as an adult, he is this sweet little youngling who wants to become brave. That he has this softer side of him and he just glows with that abashed childish nature ya know? He gets flustered and it's so adorable and when he said that he was going to be cast into the Abyss I felt my heart DROP. Ugh, it was a horrible and dreadful feeling, I felt like I was losing him too just like Fury (not an x reader writer but shit, you immerse me right into your character studies)

And then for Death. The scene with him teaching Fury about the cycle of life and death was so majestic and oh-so beautiful, I could just SEE IT ALL HAPPENING. And again, I had a feeling what would happen the moment that Fury was expecting to see him and he wasn't there. That was when my stomach and heart just sank and I began to really tear up. I felt her pain so much reading that and how she was trying so hard to stay hopeful and was saying like, "Hey come on, this isn't funny. Where are you?"

Yep, all the deep, pent up emotions came flooding out with this one Jer. Amazingly written, for me this is what writing is about. It's about invoking a strong reaction from the reader, either emotional and/or psychological and you delivered on BOTH FRONTS.

Do not be surprised if I MAKE FANART OR A MINI COMIC ABOUT THIS in the future.

(on an added note, I hope that I don't accidentally start thinking about this at work tomorrow cause that's uh... that's gonna be a little embarrassing. "Oh no, I'm fine guys really I'm just crying over some of THE BEST CHARACTER STUDY FANFIC FOR DARKSIDERS YOU'LL EVER READ IN THIS LIFETIME AND THE NEXT. But I'm fiiine!")

A Heart beat away

CW: rot,decay,animal death and worms. A lot of angst and comfort.

Summary: In humanity's new home, Fury tries to reach out to her siblings from deep within her heart.

A/N: Does this count as strife september? hes got a few scenes and mentions here (no spoilers). @darkdemeter hey there Dem, youre in for one fluffy and brotherly love filled fic. (I got emotional re-reading this when I was doing my onceover, so you know its gonna hit hard/LH/HJ)

Fury had visited this realm exactly once. It was,perhaps, the one mission she didnt have to slay her way to get done what she needed to.

Now in hindsight,the realm is quite like earth,green pastures,bovine looking animals and a few lakes scattered. The Few difference laid in mostly the Flora of this place,And the fact that as far as she knew there were very few villages.

She sits now at the edge of one of the lakes where the few humans shes now in charge of lived their lives as best as they could. She looks down at her reflection on the water before her and realizes she...looks exhausted.

A sigh leaves the black rider,as she unclasps the amulet gifted by Death. She traces the carvings, feeling the divots and edges of the runes since her gauntlets are tossed to her side with her shoes and shin armor.

The coolness of the water feels nice against the skin of her feet and calves. Few were the moments of rest she got,there was always something she could do or help with back at the village but now she can just relax since humanity has kind of settled in their New home.

With this moment of respite, comes thought. Usually,thoughts have landed her in identity crisis as her journey on earth has so ungracefully shown her. But this one might just be the worst,because as her eyes linger on the amulet she notices her mind drifts to her siblings.

First,of course, is Strife.

When they were children,before all hell broke loose in Eden,they were quite the pair. He had her back at all times, he had returned home with a broken nose just to defend her honor. Strife has always been the sibling she was closest to,at least in recent memory. To younger fury he was...her knight in shining amor,just Like the old fairytales she was told growing up.

Strife...has always had a way to make his sister feel seen,hes never been afraid of putting her in line for her own good even if she complained about it. He has dragged her away from fights she was too small to take on,And always made sure she was okay.

So now she wonders,is he okay? Was he still fending off demons back on earth? Was he hurt?.

Once again he was saving her,that persona of the knight still gleaming through gruff witt and the blood thirsty ringing and roar of his pistols.

Her eyes close as she begins to feel them burn a little,her breath shakes as the crushing worry that has been lingering within her begins to show its face. Fury has never been one to cry,even before the nephilim massacre, but Now she finds herself in need of tears and sadness.

Was she burrowing worry from the future?Was she mourning? If so what exactly was she lamenting the loss of? Her brother or the brotherhood she shared with him?

Regret,thats what began to accompany her sadness. Why didnt she spend more time with him when she had the chance? Had she known he was Jones,would she have acted differently at all?

God,perhaps she has been a bigger asshole than she thought she was. Despite her antagonism towards everyone,specially Death, she now realizes that she just...misses her brothers.

It feels like a lifetime ago,when they were still family and this old world was so,so young. The memories of playing in the mud,of strife braiding her hair in intricate styles, the silliest jokes they would whisper eachother in the dead of night when neither could sleep, the way he would rock side to side when he hugged her...it feels like it didnt happen to her at all.

But it had happened,how could she forget?

How clouded was her judgement to forget the things she had lived?.All the good memories she has forgotten and all the love she denied to have for her brothers. Deep down she knows she felt unfit, ashamed,of relying so heavily on her siblings.

All her life she has been called the dumb one,irrational. No wonder she had the need to prove herself,to go above and beyond even if it hurt and burnt those around her.

Even if she had been told to ignore the stinging words. She wonders if any of her siblings saw something in her that she did not.

Strife sure as hell did.

"In other words,you have lived" he told her after her confession of how she has been all that the deadly sins stood for. Its really mind boggling how she reached this Age and only now has she lived.

--By creator,I can almost hear the 'I told you so' -- she murmured to the wind as if her siblings could hear,its tinted with shame of herself but also fondness. It wouldnt be the first time her brothers were horribly right, and the memories of those times warms up her chest.

Perhaps they could hear her,through the Bond of the vow they took when they became the horsemen. If so she wouldnt be surprised to find them snickering And trying so save face.

However,She has never used the properties of this Bond. She doesnt know how to reach out. Thats what she gets for dismissing Death's teaching- As talented as she was with magic she really had been a stubborn mule of a student.

Perhaps its desesperation that overpowers the paralysis of not knowing how to interact with this Bond.

Fury closed her eyes,holding the Nephilim's Respit tight and focusing on her breath. She slowly feels the world fall away,her heartbeat drumming in an endless blackness whilst also thundering in her ears.

Slow beats fill the void,she sees nothing but herself standing there unsure. But Still her brain is fresh with the memories of her second eldest brother,the laughter,the bickering, old and New she holds those memories to her heart and whispers...

--Hello?

Her voice echoes, grows in pitch and suddenly the empty ebony world seems so small. Her steps are soft and unsure as she walks forward, or what she thinks is forward.

No answer comes but she sees a Long Hall of Mud bricks stained with paint. She...recognized those scribbles, which makes her turn to her right to see a beaded curtain of red.

Widened eyes begin to show the realization within herself. She turns behind her to see a dining room,a rickety old sofa and a Burning fireplace. It smells of dry herbs and that Musk Death has always carried of dead leaves during misty mornings.

It all just pushes her to Keep walking,she sees then a beaded curtain of an odd,splochy Pink. She remembers now it was all hand made,and Pink pigment was hard to attain but Death had tried his damnest to give her that indulgence.

A few more steps and shes before yet another set of blinds,the one she has been looking for. Its maroon, the color easier to make with black,red and a bit of blue pigment.

She clears her throat,feeling like this whole house is bigger than she is.--...hello?-- she hugged the amulet to her chest,feeling safe with it in her grasp.

--Fury...?--Comes the voice of strife,suddenly the air smells of Gunsmoke,the scent hits and it takes her a second to recompose from whats essentially a horse's kick to the nose in smell form

Yet theres an odd ring in the tone,it started off gruff and sounding like it belonged to a grown nephilim,but then it thinned out and cracked like a teenager.

In that moment she realizes where she is. Its her old home back in...somewhere. But before her is strife's room,and if she wasnt mistaken it always looked like a tornado of messyness came over the small bedroom.

--Strife!--She called out,her voice too now childish. Uncoordinated steps make her rush past the courtains that click and clack together with each bead that flows around her face like hanging vines against a breeze.

The decor is lost on her,disorienting like overlapping memories. And the only thing that isnt a blurr is,of course,Strife.

He wears normal,rudimentary clothes. He smiles a fanged grin and says-- Hey,there you are you runt. -- but then her saddened expression registers And he asks-- why the long face?

No doubt in her mind, the female nephilim runs to him and hugs him. The amulet falls to the floor unbroken and her arms grasp him.

--Oh WOAH! Woah easy,easy...--his hands card through her hair, the motion soothing. Its been so long since she has felt the touch of her siblings. He rocks side to side to calm her--Was it those idiots again? Did they pick on you?

Fury knows this is a vivid memory,she tries to push past it by burying her head against her brother's crook of the neck. His words slowly quieten,lowering in pitch until its no longer within her hearing range.

Leaving one only sound,her heartbeat.

She must have lingered there for hours,it certainly felt like it. Was she doing this the right way? What else was she supposed to do? Did she miss a step?

Panic began to grow within her,ready to pull away to at least seek confort in the memory she had plunged herself into.

Her ears ring and suddenly her heartbeat bursts in a dry boom that leaves her deaf and only being able to feel her pulse though her shattered eardrums.

A rapid Fire thrumm that sits between her ears,a choir that only she hears amidst being deaf. Like frenzied violins that tell her to pull back,but shes unable to.

Soon she finds out why.

Within her chest another heartbeat joins,steady Like a low drum. Curiosity overshadowed Fear as she centered in that feeling.

Thats not her pulse.

Her eyes blink with surprise as things begins to click into place,followed by the smell of gunpoweer and smoke.

--Fury?--Came the voice of a very adult strife right behind her. She turns and sees his brother,armor chipped but still standing. His voice cuts through the deafening ringing,bringing her world to a steady foundation once more when she was just about ready to freak out.

Always coming to her rescue.

--Strife! Oh thank the creator!--She whipped around and hugged her brother-- why in the nine hells was it so hard to reach you?!

The gunslinger snorted,hugging back-- thats what you get for zoning out during lectures.

--Like you fared any better

He snickered--hm,fair-- His grip tightens and his voice lowers as he revels in the embrace--This thing wont last long. Lissen,im fine. Are you okay? Are the humans safe?--he sounds..not amused at this experience,perhaps he had fared better in hearing Death's teaching.

Fury nodded-- we're just fine. Im...fine..

--Y'dont sound fine.

She shrugged and melt into the hug,shoosing her brother when he tried to speak. Even if hes a little pressed about it, he understands the message shes trying to convey.

They linger as he rocks side to side within the hug. Just like he has always done when they were kids,it makes her snicker and melt into the arms and sturdy chest of her sibling.

And just like that,shes Back to her body and present time. Bone tired but with a smile on her face.

Tomorrow she would try again.

-♡-

It was a busy day,so Busy that Fury had come back exhausted and was just about ready to go to bed at 7 p.m. when she had finally been able to free herself of all the duties she had undertaken.

She all but collapses on the bed,sluggishly taking off her armor and being able to comfortably fit underneath the covers.

Her whole body feels as heavy as concrete,her muscles Burning and her eyes slowly begining to close on their own. She managed to snatch the Nephilim's Respite amulet before she fell in a hypnagogic state.

This moment was the only thing that had kept her going through today. Her hands move on her own as she noiselessly taps on the totem with the pads of her fingers,the world around her begins to fall alway and she unconciously plunges into the Abyss.

Once again she finds herself within the void,just like she did yesterday. At least now she knows how all of this works...kind of. Kind. Of.

Shes decided that shes reaching out to War tonight,was he still chained at the council's feet? Was he alright?. She knew the worry would eat her whole,and perhaps complicate this already convoluted work of magic. Had it not been for Strife yesterday,who would know what would happen to her.

A steady breath left this representation of her,devoid of armor and weaponry with only the amulet to serve as some sort of conduit and anchor.

Like she did last time,she began to walk whilst trying to remember any of her interactions with War. She expected a memory to manifest in this realm at some point, she had a few hours to spare anyway.

Worry doesnt get a grip on her,not even a few minutes into her walk. But she does grow tired as nothing has given her a signal on where to proceed.

That is,until she begins to hear childish but loud and fast approaching steps. She turns to find herself at the bank of a muddy stream,watching Strife and Death sparr on the land across the body of water.

She feels herself caked in mud and sees a simple wooden staff thrown hastily by her side. Pieces begin to click as she recognizes this memory.

By now she must be around her mid teens,she can feel her hair shorter than how she has it now. Her hands are barely scarred and her body does feel tired but theres still that youthfull unrest within her.

--Sister! Sister!--The voice of the young nephilim that was her brother makes her look behind her again.

There he stands, a hatchling nephilim of very undeveloped features. In human ages she guessed he must be around 10. After so much time, nephilim tended to lose count on how old they were.

--Hm,Yes Child?--Shes curious as to what the kid had behind his back. She tries to sneak a look but War is quick to shift his stance and prevent her from doing so.

Messy platinum hair strewn about his soft features with a rectangle shaped- Very underdeveloped fitting for the lack of years on his life span. His white eyes look up at her with something akin to expectancy.

--I...have a gift-- He said meekly.

--Ah,so is that what you have behind your back?

He nodded,his secret found out. He clears his throat and presents his sister with an unpolished gem of black,magenta and dark pinks swirling within it. Its rough in texture but she can tell theres a feline eye line in the dead center.

--The other kids were playing around in the caves-- he began, quickly adding-- And I.. I know im not supposed to play there, I know Death said its dangerous but I stayed only at the edge!--Theres an urgency to his voice,like he is telling the truth and is desperate for her to believe him--But then I saw this!--He inches the gem closer to her-- And...I knew I had to get it for you before the others saw! There were scary bats and rats but I braved through.

Fury chuckled endeared, her eyes softening and taking the gem-- we might be able to make a warrior out of you,little one. Bats and Rats are scary, and ridden with disease.

War shudered at the idea of falling ill-- Do you like it?

She inspected the dirty gem and sat on the edge of the bank,her brother following suit with an urgency to gain his sisters favor and approval.

--Well it is quite dirty,I cannot tell-- She was just messing with the kid,but she does clean off the rough stone when her words follow silence.

Now in all its Glory, the gift can be appreciated. She smiles and turns to the young nephilim-- Its beautiful, thank you.

War squeaks and hugs his sister who relents and melts into the gesture. Her face buried in his fine,platinum hair.

Her gaze drifts to the reflection in the stream,surprised to see the grown yet youthful face of war. She blinks with stupor and pulls back, she feels his brother grow exponentially and now she has to look up to meet his snowy gaze.

--What sorcery...--He began,but then fury just gave him a shrug.

--Did you also ignore Death's teachings?

The hulking red rider looked away like an embarassed child-- The works of magic are lost on me...

--Like humor?

--Are you sure youre not strife?--He bit Back with good nature. And was that a smirk on his face?--What are you...we doing here?--He turns to see the silhouettes of strife and death locked in a dance of well timed blows and parries. But theyre blurry figures of black against the evergreen forest around them.

--do you recognize this memory? -- She asked,feeling the heat of the sun on her skin even if this was all fake. She gets a nodd to her question,however-- I just...I...-- the words get stuck in her throat. She doesnt feel right talking to him after her mistreatment of him at the chamber of the Council.

War could recognize the tone and expression. She was his sister,of course he knew. And that smirk grows into a grin --could it be...you were worried about me?

Fury almost chokes on her own spit,not used to being read so easily. She coughs out a few crude choice of Words,and her sibling all but breaks into a fit of giggles.

--you flatter me,fury--he began,trying to play nice-- Youve changed...--His voice sounds warm,genuienly happy for her. Like a Real brother.

--Earth and humanity have taught me much-- the answer is short and simple,believing she has shown too Many of her softer parts-- ...are you alright?

He sighed,the inquiry clearly has a more convoluted reply to It. He doesnt know how she Will take it, and Kinder words do not find him-- I believe they mean to...send me to the Abyss.

Fury jumps from her spot beside him,she looks at her brother with wide eyes-- what?! No,no,no War... Ill go to find you i-

The youngest nephilim takes his sister's hand. His palm massive even if both belong to the same species-- Sister,I Will handle it.

--War this is the goddamn abyss!--she yelled,temperance thrown to the wind.-- Ill go find you--She insisted as her feet shifted to help her stand up.

--You must have other duties-- he insisted, his gauntlet hand- so massive and incredibly gentle- cups the back of her head-- You three have always disregarded me for being the youngest. But i implore you to listen to me,to trust me. I Will handle it.

She couldnt live with the idea of losing yet another life time companion. The grief would eat her whole.

Fury brought her brother for a hug,the instinct of an older sister knowing she cant protect her kin-Such a raw kind of pain and Despair- was tearing her appart. She almost cries if it wasnt for the way her brother cooed to calm her as he returned the embrace with careful mindfulness of his strength.

--Sister I do not know where this worry comes from,but...it is appreciated-- his tone is still urgent-- But after I return and I make those who wronged us pay,I Will find you.

War,always so sweet with his siblings. In the end thats all he ever wanted,to be loved by his kin.

--Be safe...-- she urged, still not able to restrain this Burning urgency that claws at her throat and chest. -- By creator,be safe.

His hug tightened and he nodded.--Is it too late to ask for forgiveness for almost decapitating you? -- thats his try at humor,and she plays along like she has always done with him.

--Never--She shook her head-- but that is behind us now....brother.-- she felt him smile against her shoulder,she couldnt see it but being able to sense it made it all the better.

--Im your brother now?--Smug little blight.

--...youve always have been. I was just too blind to see it-- her grip tightens and she can all but feel his stunned expression,yet he soon melts like a child in the embrace of family.

And before she knows it, shes back to her humble abode of dark wood and thatched roof. She rolled on her back,her hands still on the amulet.

--Miss fury?--Came the voice of one of the humans from the other side of the door of her home-- Its past sundown,are you alright?

--Just fine,Gabrielle. --Her voice is groggy and a little strained as she swallows the knot in her throat-- I Will be out in a moment.

--Alright,Please come by in the morning. Angie insists on having you over for breakfast.

Fury snickered-- tell the little runt ill be there. And I might just find her something interesting tonight. -- Angie reminded her of War so much,not only in appereance but her trouble seeking nature and that inherit sweetness to her. The little human might just get along with her brother.

--Very well-- the smile on Gabrielles face is audible,and the rider then proceeds to get ready. Her ears trained on the steps of the mortal growing quieter.

There was only one more sibling to check up on.

And already,she began to dread the encounter.

-♡-

Fury tried to stall the encounter for a few good days,the guilt and shame too much for her. After everything, after almost stealing his place...

How could she be so disrespectful?

The image of Lust's illusion makes her stomach churn, makes her sick. She knows now that she does not want her siblings to kneel...

Simply...she wanted to be respected,perhaps just wanted to be acknowledged. Just like War. And just as simply,she dreaded to meet her eldest brother's eyes and see reflected in them her hubris.

Death had Many faults,but he was a leader all in all. And now shes wise enough to admit that she needs guidance, because being humanity's protector was hard.

Humans...they were riddled with worries and the uncertainties of what was to come for their entire species. She knew the raw fear of survival,a part of that was why she accepted to become a horseman...aside from her loyalty to her family.

She knew that she could not handle such crisis,she felt like an arrow threaded by her own unsteady pulse. And with no-one else to turn to,shes forced to confront her fear not only for her but for humanity too.

After a bit of walking she found a spot with a bit of decayed vegetation. How bugs and maggots Fed from the dead Bark, an endless cycle of death and rebirth.

Fury sighed,sitting with her knees to her chest. She remembers when she was younger,they came across a dead carcass of a hunt Now spoiled.

She remembers being squeamish at the sight,but Death Gently nudged her forward and reached for the animal's skull.

--Its just part of life,Fury-- he commented with a voice soft,patient, almost coldly indifferent at the passing of the animal-- Hunt and hunter,life And death. Its a sacred balance, it died and we...

He uses his sword to sever the head of the animal,and kneels as he carefully begins to clean off the decayed fur. Theres a practiced ease to his movements,he cleans it off as best as he can and when hes done he presents the skull to his sister.

--Icky...-- She commented,kneeling to see the bovine skull with a mix of disgust and awe.

--Perhaps. Death Is a sight to behold-- the older nephilim Noted,understanding of the disgust but also amused-- But be keen,look-- as he talks,he points at the maggots and then Gently shooshes his sister as a flock of vultures feed on the carcass-- Its important to this world. Decay,rebirth,theyre woven together. And it can be...beautiful.

Fury tilted her head,eyes falling to the corpse. --I dont understand.

-- think of this...-- he began,scooping a Mass of worms. His sister recoils with a snarl-- They feed the vultures alongside this cow. We eat this Cow, just like it Ate of the Grass. Its Decay feeds the earth and the cycle begins anew. Just because you dont understand it, it doesnt mean its not important.

He lets go of the Mass of maggots who burrow underneath. He cleans his hands and grabs the skull,to then help his sister up.

--So..the Earth feeds itself, thats it?--The eldest nodded-- I dont see the Beauty in it.

Death snorted-- Beauty comes in Many ways,Child. Like this skull, I believe War Will like it.

--I dont like it

--And just because you do not,it doesnt mean War wont like it either. Perhaps youll find Beauty in this cycle from a different lense-- He offered his hand-- Come now.

And young fury took it as shes guided deeper into the forest for foraging. Trusting of her brother's words.

In time she did find Beauty in death,mainly for the association to her eldest brother. Seeing Decay and blight always made her feel that her brother was close, that she wasnt alone. that her once guiding light, was always showing her the way even if he wasnt physically there.

She centers in that, and that memory just now. She can already feel the crunching of leaves and her steps across the field. Its only noise and touch,still dark as only the void could be.

The more she walks,the more she expected to turn and see her brother holding a bovine skull tucked between his arm and ribs,but nothing ever did appear.

It wasnt time to freak out, why would she? It took her a long time to find strife perhaps death is much the same. He was the oldest after all and perhaps magic wouldnt behave the way it was supposed to- she knew Many things could mess with such powers.

But a solid hour went by and nothing appeared,and to worsen the fear she began to feel the Grass give way to hard cobblestone and everything she could hear was only whistling wind that choired like souls in sheer lament.

Death was...death, perhaps thats what caused the sudden change,surely she was growing closer to him by that logic- or so Fury told herself just so panic and frenzy didnt take hold of her.

--Playing hard to get?--She asked to the void,looking around into an emptyness so consuming, so endless that it swallowed her sight with no sense of depth-- You old bag of bones,do me the courtesy of meeting me half way.

Her voice carried no bite,her teasing smile unstably quivering and teethering the line between faux calmness and mania.

--Youre even hiding Dust from me,are you?--She kept going,trying to believe her own lie that she wasnt completely alone.-- Dust! Come here! I May just have seeds for you.

But not even the cawing of crows met her ears.

Its such a deafening silence,even her meek and fearful steps startle her every time she hears them,she didnt understand where the cobblestone path came from..an overlapping memory?

Whatever the answer it all ended un the same thing: Fury,terrible engine of rage and rider of the black horse,felt herself beaten by fear.

Was there a way to brute force this? That was her first instinct. Could she pull her brother by the ear and yank him down to meet her here in this realm?

Death more than anyone should be able to fully sense her reaching out.

--This isnt funny anymore,brother!-- She began,the nickname so foreign as she began to run towards what she believed to be forward. Her heels echo on a stone floor she cannot see and each frenzied step she takes terrifies her more and more.

Brother.

When was the last time shes genuinely called him that?

--Brother!-- she called out again,voice wavering-- Death where in Oblivion are you?!

She must have ran for hours,until her legs quiver and falls. Overcome by worry and grief she screams,ripping her throat and clawing at the black floor that has no depth and is nauseating to stare at.

Were those tears falling? Her face felt so warm,she felt so lost.

No guiding light.

No knight to come to her rescue.

Curled in a ball she sniffs loudly and cries,perhaps her tears pool on the ground or they dont. She can see anything, she can only hear her heaving sobs filled with mucus and gasping breath that grates her throat into fine sand.

Her brother would not be so cruel.

She knew him.

But she couldnt find him,not in this place.

--Where are you...?-- she asked,a voice barely audible. She has never felt so defenseless even with her armor on, just like a child lost in the forest.

And all the while the cobblestone floor texture taunted her,only then does she recognizes the choir,the whistling of the wind she had forgotten about in her fear.

She needed an anchor,something to calm her before she can try to pull away from this place. "Be keen" the rider told herself,as ever so slowly the whistling became singing and moaning of souls.

And then...blue light,it lights up her path. She looks up,made a mess of tangled hair and reddened face.

Large is the arch a few feet away her,she doesnt understand what is going on. She Begged for death to show,and only souls heeded her call.

One final glimmer of insight comes to her, souls answering the call of the reaper. She always found Death's description of his role as flamboyant theatrics,but by now she Will take whatever this place gives her.

Still,her walk is uneven and stumbling. Her breath burns her lungs with her throat scratched deeply by her despair,and yet one step and then another she approaches the arch.

Her trail marked by something that gives her some calm. Crow feathers,guiding her like a mournful path of breadcrumbs past whats behind the carved stone looming over her.

Blue light wraps around a circle platform,shes puzzled that the trail ends at the very end of whatever this was.

--Death...?--The name sparks a surge of pure energy that breathes overwhelming life into her and just as quickly takes it away, euphoric and disorienting. With it comes the flash of blue and she begins to see skull phantoms began to float in and out from the blue gossamer sheen.

She follows the path to the end,unsure of what else to do. She looks past the low wall and into the center of the light, she finds no answer and pulls back.

Theres a pulse in the air now that shes close to this source of power,she recognizes the slowness of it. Only one person she knows has a resting heart rate of 40.

Perhaps this is just a stupid prank, and she really doesnt like it.

In her disdain she pulls back,only to knock down something that clatters to the ground making a sound like bone on rock. It only puzzles the rider,and as she looks down at the object all breath is pulled from her.

That stupid,Freaky bone mask of her brother laid on the ground.

She picks it up with shaking hands and asks--Where...where are you.-- She asked,no answer given-- Where are you?!-- she screamed,her fear pulsing through the Bond across this realm. The place swells up at the sheer energy she displays-- Death! Come here right now!

Her voice like a fearful Bark,she Holds the mask to her chest fearing the worst. The whistling of souls still in her ears, coming and going in a cycle.

A cycle.

--Oh,no...-- fury's tone shakes with realization. Finally the place shes in makes sense.

This is a Well of Souls.

And by all indicators...her brother was dead.

What a horrible thing to understand. How could this happen doesnt matter now. Fury gives up her fight and collapses to the ground, slowly Losing her mind to her grief.

She expected to hit the ground roughly,but the impact never comes. She feels cold as strong arms hold her up,and though she cant see through her tears she hugs whatever is gripping her.

Theres no words,nothing to say other than-- Im sorry,im so sorry. Please dont be gone,please dont be gone.

--Im not gone,child-- the voice of death himself is devoid of any teasing bite or sardonic grit. He settles his sister on the floor and hugs her with a gentleness so unbecoming of him.

--...why didnt you answer-- she can barely talk from how hurt her throat is.

--Its hard to hear,among the dead.

--Why...why are you dead?! What happened...!

--To ressurect humanity...I had to make a sacrifice. -- he cooed,gently stroking her hair.

--Nothing Is worth more than your life...

The old reaper sighed,hugging his dear kin tight-- I hoped for humanity's rebirth to be the freedom of War.

She scoffed bitterly and began to tell him about what she spoke with War,what happened to humanity and how theres only few survivors now. Death seemed to...deinflate at the news,but not all was lost.

Afraid,meek and feeling too weak to fight her pride she says--I dont want to lose any more people I care about--And just like a child,she asks-- Will I see you again?

Death nodded-- Surely. Life is a cycle. And i do believe our work is not done.

Fury sighed and cuddled closer-- Im sorry,im so sorry for everything Ive done to you...

He could never hold a grudge towards his siblings. He shakes his head and closes his eyes,his face pressed on the side of her skull.

--nobody knows your fury more than me,there is no ill Will I could hold to you. Youre still my sister.

--But ive been awful to you

Even in his untimely demise,Death had to fight the fear of vulnerability--my love for you three is unconditional.

Life hasnt been easy,and neither of the four have made the best of desicions. But still they prevailed,and so did their Bond.

The pale rider pulls away to wipe the tears of his sister,humming under his breath a gentle lullaby to sooth her. She slowly evens out her breath and when calm returns, her brother pulls back her hair with his spindly fingers and says.

--Youve grown much,sister.--Was that pride in his voice and face?

Only now she realizes,thats his actual face. Its been so long since shes seen it.

--I...couldnt fight it.-- she admitted --But...I did try.

A warm chuckle left the eldest-- I'd be worried if you didnt. -- he rests on his knees and goes to pull back a strand of wine red hair that got into his sister's mouth-- Its not easy being a leader. But surely youll find your way.

She snorted-- Since when are you so...soft?

The world makes him snarl-- Rid it of your mind. --He began,looking away at the ground-- looks like we have both grown. There Is much I must make up for.

Fury was in no mood to fight-- I dont know...anything. I dont know how to handle the human's fears and worries. I just...

--You dont understand? -- Its like hes recalling that same memory she did before all this. He sounds just a little smug,good to see not all of his nature got lost.

She sighed with disdain,knowing fully well what followed-- Suppose so.

Death pulls back his hands to rest them on his lap with his usual slouch akin to a shrimp-- worry is only natural,given their state. There is no rule book for leadership,I would just advice to follow your instinct. I believe youre finally of sound judgement

--Is that supposed to be a compliment?--Fury chided.

He smirked--You ask too much of me,sister.

The she horseman pulled her brother for a hug and decided to enjoy the company before the spell ended. He seem to catch on and hug back with no fight or complaint- He missed being a brother,so here he is.

--We'll bring you back-- She promised under her breath.

--We'll see eachother again-- His voice is so certain, it calms her and gives her a fixed point as she begins to lose the sensation of his touch and the world around her.

She now sees the sunset embracing this realm, she holds nothing but air but the smell of dead leaves and humidity cling to her. A final gift.

--At least you finally get some rest-- she commented towards the decayed tree,noting that within the trunk lays a single bird skull with feathers still clinging to it.

Fury grabs it and carefully cleans it on her way back to the human village. Her eyes are puffy from crying but she breathes in and out,she has had enough for today.

Eventually she reaches the human settlement and greets the mortals who dont comment on her tired appereance. Yet she does make a stop to hand the skull to little Angie,who acts a bit disgusted but intrigued.

--Why give me this?-- Asked the child.

--My brother taught me something, little one-- she kneeled to eye level-- The world is very scary for all of Us now. But your kin Will rise again. Just like after winter comes spring. -- she felt so silly saying it but nevertheless she does-- Its a cycle. Right now you feel scared and unsure,but you Will find your place here. All of you Will

Angie's face was a clear sign that the cogs in her head were turning-- I.. think I get it. Uhm thanks miss fury-- the child smiled brightly,warm as the Fire of the rider's youngest sibling-- Uhm..stay for dinner?

Fury's eyes met the gaze of Gabrielle who nodded reassuringly. She then returns to the girl and picks her up-- Very well. -- as they walk she begins to humm a tune,a single lullaby for herself.

The child she holds perks up-- You know it too?--The rider looked at her puzzled-- Jones sung it to me once,made me Real sleepy.

Priceless was the face the she-horseman made,taking just a split second to guess the circumstances that brought this kid to know such an old tune. She chuckles and shakes her head dismissively--Funny. My brother sung it to me,too.

Angie smiled-- Is he as sweet as Jones is?

Fury tapped on the amulet absentmindedly and looked past the window of the kitchen where a family was playing. She knew their story,an eldest brother in charge of taking care of his siblings with no guide other than his heart and witt. Much like Death when he was given the role of care taker.

With a chuckle she answered-- Even sweeter. He can be a bit of a handful sometimes-- she rolled her eyes as she recalled Death's and Strife's dramatic appereances-- Both of them actually, Sooo dramatic.

The child snickered--Jones told me I remind him of his youngest brother...William was his name?

Fury has to hold back a snort. 'William? Really?" She thought-- Hm,you remind me of my youngest brother too. In looks and demeanor. You little trouble maker-- she sets down the kid and ruffles her hair who giggles at the interaction And tries to stop the nephilim from messing with her fine locks.

The black rider knew her journey was far from done,and eventually she Will reunite with her siblings. But until then, she is not as alone as she thinks she is.

She has a family waiting for her here,and beyond all these realms. After all they were just a heartbeat away.

[oohyansi]

ASYMPTOTE LINES.

"they always say to expect the unexpected, and sometimes you just have to go with the flow of life. i guess meeting you is not the worst thing after all; i never knew life could be this thrilling and beautiful again — i just hope you'll always choose to stay and never leave my side..."

PAIRING: idol jaehyun x idol reader

GENRE: fluff, angst, smut

WARNINGS: no warnings, just enjoy the ride & surprises (lol jk this would contain a lot of smut and fluff probably and a whole roller coaster ride)

CHARACTERS INTRO:

NCT as NCT, Jaehyun as the Jeong Jaehyun himself, You as a member of a 4-member girl group from SM Entertainment called IRIS, Johnny Seo as your cousin.

STATUS: coming soon.

PLOT: if there's one thing you can be compared to, that's a pretty solid rock. but everything changed when you finally decided to go back to Korea. entering the industry have let you meet people that that turned your life into something worth living again, and having him is one of the best part. from strangers to best friends, and who knows what's next? will it stay that way? will it be more than that? or will it fall apart?

PROLOGUE:

You have everything; the looks, the talents, the brains, and the perfect family. You are an only child, your family is known to be wealthy as your parents are both surgeons. Your parents might be busy at work, but they never failed to make you feel so loved. Little did you and your father knew, your mother was suffering from depression. You have everything — but not until she passed away. Your family became a mess and your father decided to leave and settle in another country for the both of you to move on with your lives. You were 10 years old when you moved to Canada, stayed there and studied Psychology. You are an excellent student, that's why you got accelerated and graduated earlier. Your father — he overworked himself. It's like as if you lost him as well with your mother. He still provided you with the comfortable life and everything you need, aside from attention and affection. This is why you grew up to be so reserved, an introvert, who forgot to express affection and how it felt; you became cold and heart could barely feel emotions at all. You never healed.

After you graduated, something in your mind sparked up. You ponder on things, a voice echoed in the back of your head, it was your mother's voice. She would often remind you that "life is beautiful" and that no matter what happens, always find a reason to continue and have the courage to keep going. This leads you to feeling the urge to go back home, and face everything you left there; all the memories that comes with pain, waiting for you — thinking that if you could finally and accepted what happened fully, you'll be able to overcome that burden in your heart for so long, hoping that you can live your life again. One night, without thinking, you booked yourself a flight to Korea and called your father, who's at work in the hospital, telling him you'll go back to Korea and you already made up your mind, although you know to yourself that you do not have any plans as you go back. He just agreed and said he's ask your cousin, Johnny, to pick you up and help you settle as you go back. You love your father and didn't want to leave him alone, you felt a bit of guilt, even though it seemed like he left you first. You love him but a part of you won't deny the fact that you hated him a little for almost forgetting he still has a daughter who needs him. But that's long gone, you don't need anyone anymore. You've become independent, so used to and comfortable with your own, not having the slightest need to depend on anyone.

7:00pm Seoul, South Korea

After a long flight, you finally arrived. Slowly opening your eyes as your plane landed, seeing a familiar place through the plane window where your heart beats rapidly for the first time in a while, you felt home. As you walk out the airport, your eyes instantly wandered looking for a familiar face. On the right side, you saw a hella tall guy with a wide smile plastered in his face, looking and waving at you. There he is, your older cousin Johnny waiting for you. You both aren't that close with each other since you both grew up in a different place, yet back when you were young and everything was fine, you played with each other a lot in family gatherings. He would send you messages on your birthday or holidays to greet you, you knew he's busy since he debuted as an idol. He also occasionally sends you messages asking how have you been, knowing how broke you've become after your mother's death. Seeing him again feels nostalgic and warm. You walked fast towards him and he welcomed you open arms giving you a quick yet tight hug, and you did the same as you both smiled.

"It's been a while, Y/N. You're all grown up now." He said after the hug, with a warm smile, patting your head like he used to before when you get annoyed by his teases when you were just kids. "How have you been?" He asked.

"Pretty good, hyung." You answered with a soft smile, although it's a lie. You've never been good for the past 9 years. You used to call him hyung before and not oppa for no reason. "You're the one who grew up hyung, look at you! I look like a tiny kid standing in front of you." You let out a small laugh, joking about his height as he also laughed, but quickly displayed a shocked expression in his face as he forgot something.

"Ah- by the way Y/N, i'm actually with someone here" He said as he slowly moved to his side, revealing another person standing behind him since earlier.

"This is Jaehyun, he's my member and a good friend. I asked him to come with me, you know, it's boring to drive alone" he said with a small laugh while scooting more to the side, giving you a full look on the guy he's referring to. You knew your cousin is an idol, you can sometimes saw their group's performances while scrolling through your phone, but you never really got to know about them. You had no interest, you rarely had interest in anything aside from studying. But you are so proud of your cousin just knowing that he finally fulfilled his dream.

Your eyes landed on him, you took a quick yet good look on him, enough to notice he's just wearing a casual attire with a pair of ripped jeans and a black shirt, looking so soft with his hair down.

"Hi, Y/N." He gave you a smile, and his deep dimples on the sides of his cheek did not remain unnoticed by you. Actually, it got you a little distracted; but you weren't that amazed. You've seen a lot of good looking guys back in Canada, majority of them asking you out, but you never really went out with anyone. You got no time and interest in dating, you couldn't even feel emotions by yourself.

"Hi, I'm Y/N. Nice to meet you" You said with a smile back, handing your hand over him for a hand shake. You noticed how he was staring at you with eyes you cannot explain what those meant, before he looked at your hand, back to your face. He reached his hands to meet yours.

"Me too." and the moment your hand touched, you felt how warm and soft his hands are, you felt a little flustered on how tight his hand holding yours, not tight enough to hurt tho. You held hands a little longer than the usual handshake would take, before you retreat your hand from him softly, beaming him another smile. You noticed how Johnny's eyes looked at you and Jaehyun for a couple of times with a very small smile on his mouth, almost not visible but you sort of knew what it meant. They gave each other a quick look you did not noticed as you looked at your phone to check the time.

"Y/N, it's half past 7:00, have you eaten?" Johnny asked.

"Not yet hyung. Have you? Let's go for dinner?" You replied to as he took your baggage.

"Sure! Bet you missed korean food, where do you want to eat?" Johnny asked as you walked out of the airport heading to the parking lot where his car parked. You are on the left side of Johnny, while Jaehyun is in his right side.

"Choose for me hyung, I haven't been here for almost half of my life. I could barely recall the restaurants we used to dine before" You said chuckling softly, realizing how long you've been away from the place that's supposed to be your home.

"Yeah, you never visited! You like Vancouver that much?" He said with a playful whine and you just smiled at him when you already reached the parking lot and his car. He started to put your luggage in the trunk, Jaehyun helping him.

"Nah, I didn't liked it that much, Vancouver is a great place but... nothing beats home, i guess? I just needed to stay there with no choice." You said and the last few words were said in almost a whisper. You're chuckling, but Johnny knew what you meant.

He walked to you and put his hand on the top of your head again and pat it, "Well you're here now! We'll pick up all you left and missed out, don't worry." He said, giving you an assuring smile. You gave a genuine smile back, knowing that this is the start of putting your life back into place. You sure had a lot of worries on your mind, not knowing where to even start or what to do, but all you hope for is that you don't regret coming back.

You all went to the car, you sat on the passenger seat while Jaehyun sat at the back. While choosing for a restaurant, Johnny asked Jaehyun for his suggestion and you all agreed to go on his favorite restaurant, it is a 45-minute drive from the airport but it's just fine as you can relax a bit in the car after your long flight. Johnny played relaxing music and asked you about your graduation, how have you been, and random stuffs for the first 20mins while the rest of the time he just let you rest on the seat.

Along the quite long drive, you did not fail to notice Jaehyun looking at you through the rearview mirror. You pretended you did not notice it, but you can feel his stares back and forth the mirror and your back.

JAEHYUN'S POV

Fuck. The moment I saw her walking out of the airport with that smile as she recognized Johnny, realizing she's that 'cousin' we're about to pick up, I couldn't believe my eyes. Of course I acted cool, but hell, I couldn't take my eyes off her. She's so beautiful. I felt my insides shuffle a little when I heard her voice, she sounds like an angel. I can smell her when she got close, and damn. She smells so good.

Seeing beautiful faces have become normal for me, for us in the entertainment industry, but I am lost for words for her beauty, I'm not even sure if the word beauty is enough to describe her. Her long hair just lying on her waist, wearing a pair of knee length boots and a black dress and coat, she looked perfect. How come someone out there, who's supposed to be in Korea, looking this good, just flashing right in front of my eyes just now?

What took you so long?

Those are the words on the back of my mind. She handed out her hand to me, I hesitated shortly before taking it, thinking 'am I even allowed to touch her hands?' God, she seemed like a porcelain, too fragile to touch and to beautiful to hold her hand for free. Her hand felt so soft that I don't even want to let go. I knew Johnny noticed it too, I almost lost my cool. Giving me the look, I know he understood.

i'm damned. i did not believe the idea of love at first sight, until now.

------------------------------------------------------------

author's note:

hi!! i'm actually hesitant to write this one, this is my first. I had this story on my head for quite a long time now, lol being an nctzen really get your imagination worked up 😆 I just wrote this semi long prologue to know if I should countinue this one or just keep this imagination to myself lol. PLS let me know if you're interested on how this delulu story would go. if you say so, I'm willing exert effort in writing this the best way I could to deliver the story at it's best too. all the love, czennies!!

ps. I am jungwoo biased but jaehyun, this guy... I know we can all agree that he has a special place in our hearts, that's why he's the main character in here. 🤍

and the title, i'm not a fan of mathematics but I loved the concept of lines. you can search what asymptote lines means... 😉

[canonicallysoulmates]

SPN SDCC 2019 OPINIONS

Right now some of you are probably wondering why the fuck you're seeing a post about SDCC when it's September and the answer to that is that I did not have a computer when SDCC happened back in July so I couldn't make this post then, trust me I would have preferred it if I could have, and why am I even bothering to make it when so long a time has passed? Cause I said I was going to and as I've  stated in the past I was going to watch the panel and some interviews anyways and share my opinion so I might as well make it into a proper post. Or at least try to, this turned out a little over the place. Now, originally, back in July, I was thinking of doing something like I had done last year meaning a massive post full of spoilers and info available but as you can guess from the title of this post that did not happen this is because of two reasons: 1) I feel like there was less info than there was for s14, to be fair like I said I didn't have a computer during the time and I wasn't on SM a lot so it's entirely possible that there was a bunch of info and spoilers that never made their way into my very limited radar. 2) September is ending, the s15 premiere is literally around the corner, I don't have the time necessary to go through any and all news and info and spoilers about s15, and to be very honest I don't have the patience either. So this post is going to be just my opinion on the panel and on some of the things that were said in SDCC interviews, there are still timestamps and some transcripts and all the interviews I talk about plus the panel are linked at the end in their entirety.  I watched 4 interviews for each person on the panel with the exception of two people, I did not watch any of M. Collins interviews, I also didn't watch any of Berner's interviews I was going to but Dabb, Singer and BuckLemming test my patience enough as it is. Also I want to keep this post brief so I'm only talking about things that really stood out to me. Standard disclamer applies that these are all just my opinions and you might not agree with them.... SDCC 2019 Panel I don't have much to say about this panel, most of it was everybody talking a bit about the legacy of the show, there wasn't really any info given about s15  and in that regard, I am a bit disappointed, I wish they had used the panel more and found a balance between talking about the legacy of the show while also incorporating info about the final season. But I can understand why they would do something more subdued. The only things that stood out to me was Dabb trying to make what I hope is a joke about the ending of the show pleasing only 30% of people and bringing up GOT,  regular which I'm not gonna comment on cause I want to keep this post general but those who know know 😉, should go without saying that my heart broke all over again seeing j2 cry over the show ending 💔 And I cannot go without mentioning Dabb's intro to the panel cause it fucking killed me, he must have written it himself 😂 "our next guest very first job on tv was writing for supernatural, after eight seasons in the trenches he ascended to the coveted position of showrunner. Armed with genius talent and deep respect for the characters and stories he's beautifully shouldered the shows vision for the past 3 seasons and now leads us bravely forward on the shows final chapter" [TIMESTAMP] Interviews

Let's talk about Chuck, everybody seemed to be on the same page about this, they all gave similar answers when asked about it which is a nice change of pace usually they all give different answers but to me it seems like they, once again, dug themselves into a hole they don't know how to get out of and are trying to back out of it, like in one of the interviews Lemming says at one point Castiel will point out to Sam and Dean that whether or not it was god playing tricks on them they would have come across the same crossroads and they are the ones who made the decision about which direction to go not someone else ("cas will point out to them weather it was god playing tricks on us or us doing it ourselves out in the world we would have met the same crossroads or they would have been different crossroads but whatever crossroads we would have come across we made a decision whether  to go right or left no one else did that to us" [TIMESTAMP] ) which to me sounds a hell of a lot like free will. And look, everybody has a different interpretation or views on what free will is, I, personally, think free will has nothing to do with whether or not someone/something puts an obstacle in front of us it has to do with whether or not we're the ones who decide how to deal with it meaning that someone/something doesn't make the choice for us. So to me what Lemming is talking about is free will which is what supposedly Sam and Dean never actually had, to be fair it's possible that scene won't happen or that explanation won't be given or it'll be something different but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that it was all a test by Chuck and when Sam and Dean go to kill him or something he'll be all 'surprise! you passed your mission is done now you can have peace'; I also wouldn't be surprised if Dabb&co do what they usually do and ignore things after the first three episodes until the mid-season finale and the finale. But hey, maybe they'll prove me wrong, and do something really interesting and complex...not gonna hold my breathe for it though. Since I already mentioned Lemming there was something she said that irked me, she was asked about the shows influence/impact on sci-fi shows and stuff, I'll leave a link so you can see the whole thing point is she was talking about early seasons and said: "....we really worked on the physical nature of horror and the psychological results of that, but that takes you just so far as a writer then you sort of realize we have to write about personalities and psychologies of the people living in that horrible universe, so you end up once again revisiting what drama is..." This irks me. Look I'm not a horror buff, so perhaps it's not my place to talk and to be fair maybe this is not the way she meant to come across and I'm probably alone in this but the way she talks about horror at least in this particular answer comes across to me as somebody who doesn't understand or respect horror. I don't really know how to properly explain myself but her going "but that takes you just so far as a writer then you sort of realize we have to write about personalities and psychologies of the people living in that horrible universe, so you end up once again revisiting what drama is"  to me this come across as somebody who doesn't know or understand that you can write personalities and the psychology of people and still be horror. Still stay in that genre, without going into drama territory like horror is so much more than just jump scares. I don't know maybe it's that I'm so tired of everything being put in what I consider outdated boxes of either comedy or drama. Or that I'm tired of horror being shoved into drama's box. Or horror being shoved into a box where it's just gore and jump scares and if it's more than that it's a drama or artsy horror or classy horror or some other bs  people say when they don't wanna admit they like horror. Or maybe it's the fact that Eugenie Lemming of all people is the last one that should be saying this when with the exception of ONE episode she and her writing partner don't actually explore personalities or peoples psychology. Or maybe it's the fact that the early seasons where this show was more horror it explored personalities and the psychology of the people in that world way better than the later seasons, even though the later seasons have moved into drama territory and have moved away from its horror roots! Anyways I'm gonna leave a full transcript here plus the timestamp so you can go and get full context, this was just something that like I said irked me: "when the show started the mission was to do an hour horror film every week, and really pay attention to the elements of what made horror horror and really put a lot of money into production and make it look good i think we didn't really break ground- yes there were some scary things and special effects in prior shows but we really approached this and build up a post production community, we really worked on the physical nature of horror and the psychological results of that, but that takes you just so far as a writer then you sort of realize we have to write about personalities and psychologies of the people living in that horrible universe, so you end up once again revisiting what drama is love between brothers betrayal between family members, hope dreams promises honor deceit and you do all that- so that can be in every genre it's just packaged as a very classy horror genre..." [TIMESTAMP]

Let's move on to Buckner, he, unsurprisingly, said a lot of things that made me roll my eyes, like he said romance might make an appearance which why??? that's not the point of this show, and: "that's one of the more exciting aspects of this season is that it's actually covering new turf instead of just doing the things that ave worked for us and just going out on a high note actually it's going to be quite experimental"  [TIMESTAMP] 

Do I even need to point out why this is a dumb ass approach to handle a shows last season? Speaking of dumb asses...Dabb. He got asked if Sam was still psychic he answered: "No, since Sam decided to stop drinking demon blood his powers have gone away, unless he picks it [demon blood] up again" [TIMESTAMP] 

Sam had his powers before he got addicted to demon blood, he got his powers when he was a baby because of Azazel, ffs we saw him use his powers in an episode! In season 2! Before the demon blood addiction! He drank demon blood to enhance the powers he already had; it would have made more sense if he had said something like Sam burned his powers after what happened in s5. Sucks that we might never see Sam with powers again but with Dabb behind the wheel it might be for the best. 

Now you’ve probably noticed that so far I’ve made no mention of Jared, Jensen or Alex and that’s because with the exception of Jared and Jensen talking about the ending nothing stood out that much to me and as for why I don’t talk about the ending it’s cause I don’t have much to say, Jensen said it took some time but he’s ok with the ending now, Jared that he was ok with the ending they had planned but that it might change and I am both comforted and concerned by their words; even though I didn’t talk about them I am going to link to the Jared and Jensen’s interviews I watched, I personally really enjoyed Jared’s (I love the way he answers questions ❤), sadly I forgot to save the links to Alex’s interviews but if I might try to find them and add them. 

So there it is my edited down opinions on this year’s SDCC, if you read this whole thing, thank you. If you read it and didn’t agree with any of it that’s ok, this is as I said just my opinion. 

Links:

SDCC Panel

Lemming Interview 1

Lemming Interview 2

Buckner Interview 

Dabb Interview

Jensen’s Interviews:

Interview 1

Interview 2

Interview 3

Interview 4

Jared’s Interviews:

Interview 1

Interview 2

Interview 3

Interview 4

[sonsoflucis]

desiderium | crowe + luche

crowe + luche | based on an ask meme | KO-FI | AO3

tell me: a drabble about one character confessing something to another [be it a love confession, a secret]

value me: a drabble about one character telling another how they feel about them.

break me: an angsty drabble.

since take me isn’t a prompt, but tell me is, and tell me and value me are almost the same thing, i’m going to do a combination of those two with break me tacked on. here we go.

“So, what’s the big idea? You drag me out here on my one day off, buy me lunch - a nice lunch at that – and now we are sitting here, twiddling our thumbs and people watching?” Crowe nudges Luche with her elbow, a mischievous grin lighting up her sun warm face. “You have something to tell me? Are you pregnant? Did you finally elope with Tredd?”

Luche grimaces, shaking his head. “No, I’m not knocked up. Not yet. Gotta wait for the right guy first,” he chuckles, taking a sip of his coffee, cold brew and nervous energy coursing through him.

“…so you did elope,” she smirks, tossing her dark hair back over her shoulder. “I knew it. Treddy boy is pretty hot though. Great ass. Kudos to you for wifing that sweet, sweet set of buns up.”

He laughs again, glancing over at her fondly, her earthen eyes sparkling as she scoots closer to him. “Sorry, kiddo. Wrong. You gotta take off one article of clothing for each incorrect guess. Them’s the rules.”

She shoves his arm, laughing as she leans down to retie her boot. “In your fucking dreams, Lazarus.”

“Hey, I’ve seen you naked plenty of times. It’s nothing special. Don’t get your panties in a knot.”

“Your reverse psychology won’t work on me,” she giggles, winking as she finishes knotting the laces.

“Dammit.” He swallows another sip, slouching on the bench with a contented sigh, the fiery glow of the sunset casting everything in a deep, golden hue. “Nah, it’s something else. Involves you.”

Crowe glances up curiously, burgundy tresses framing her soft face, her lips pursed. “Me? Oh shit, did you find the creepy scrapbook I made with everyone’s hair in it?”

“I- what?”

“What? Oh. Nothing. That’d be, like, so weird,” she teases, folding her arms. “So, it’s about me, huh? Finally realize you are desperately in love with me and all your years of thotting and breaking hearts was leading you to me and now you just have to conquer the final boss, this puss?” She gestures down at her lap, smirking wickedly.

Luche rolls his eyes, running a hand through his hair. “I mean, you aren’t completely off the mark.”

“You’re not serious. …you are serious.” She sits up straighter, studying his face. Letting out a frustrated groan, she shakes her head, looking out at the horizon for a minute. “Gods, Lu, why’d you have to go and say that? It changes everything.”

He frowns, looking at her. “I just wanted you to know. Everything’s been so shit lately with the rise in protestors and the king getting sicker and… I dunno, man, life is short. You’re one of my closest friends-“

“Did you ever stop to think about how I’d feel about this?” she asks softly. “You need to warn me before you drop big news into my lap.”

“How, Crowe? Just call you one day and say, ‘Hey, Altius, just wanted to inform you that I may be developing some unrequited feelings for you that are completely out of my control. Good luck!’”

“Well, no, I-“

“Look, it doesn’t have to be anything. Hell, we can pretend I never said it and go back to arm wrestling to decide who pays for the next round of shots. You’re just… so fuckin’ beautiful and you get me. The only other person who has ever taken the time to care about me besides Furia. I just needed to say it. Okay? My selfish ass didn’t worry about the consequences. I needed to let you know that you matter to me-“

Crowe cuts him off with a kiss, her lips crashing against his, arms winding around his neck. She kisses him deeply, sighing against his mouth when he drags her into his lap, a bit confused, heart fluttering. When she finally pulls away, she traces his bottom lip with her thumb, her eyelids heavy as she ponders for a moment. “I needed to see if you were telling the truth.”

“…and your conclusion?” he asks hopefully, chest rising and falling evenly, his vulnerabilities laid bare.

“I think you should kiss me again. Just so I can be sure,” she smiles, twining her fingers around his shirt collar, drawing him back in.

Luche’s eyes open, the darkness of his room suffocating as he rubs the sleep from his face. The chatter of people walking through the park fading as he wakes up, the scent of Crowe’s perfume a mere memory. He sits up, his sheets pooling around his waist, a deep ache in his chest. He reaches for his phone on the nightstand, the glow of the screen illuminating his face.

SMS: I had that dream again.

He waits for a reply, his eyes adjusting to the lightless room. His phone buzzes, INCOMING CALL: WOMB RAIDER. Answering it, he flops back down, his hand resting on his forehead. “Hey, Tredd.”

“What’s up, bro?” the redhead asks sleepily, yawning into the receiver.

���Had that dream about Crowe. The one in the park. It was so real. It’s always so real.”

Tredd is silent for a moment, sighing. “…have you been taking those meds the therapist gave you? You know Cap’s gonna be pissed If you aren’t.”

“I am, I swear. I just… I miss her so much, man. I never even got to tell her.”

“I know, Lu,” Tredd whispers. “She deserved better.”

“She did. She really did,” he replies, voice wavering.

“You know he did it for us, right?”

Luche nods to himself, swallowing thickly. “I know. It just really fuckin’ hurts.”

“It’ll all be worth it. Remember what Cap said. This is for the good of the people. Our people.”

The blonde sniffs, closing his eyes. “Hearth and home,” he mutters, jaw clenched. “…sorry to bother you with the same old bullshit.”

“No, dude, it’s not a problem. …you gonna be okay? Need me to come over?”

“…no,” Luche breathes, wiping his face on his arm. “No, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Night, bro,” Tredd murmurs, only disconnecting when he hears his friend respond quietly. Luche rolls over, plugging his phone in to charge, drawing the covers up over his head. In the morning, the plan will be set in motion. In the morning, the refugees will be a free people. No longer looked down on like sewer rats crammed into a gutter easily forgotten about. A better future for them all. It was worth it. His brow furrows as he tries to go back to sleep. It had to be done.

[ssahoodrathotchner]

hey!! 🕯anon, did you miss me ;)

i definitely agreed with your last take, especially about the morgan's strengths part

i definitely dont think hed ever cross that line into revenge because he's just such a loving person?? like he believes in helping the people hurt to do better as revenge, not hurting the person that hurt you

tbh seeing them walk away from the scene while unexpected, made a lot of sense, and gave us the beat friendship group rossi hotch and prentiss ofc

so now. 100.

i can never just rewatch this episode for fun, it always has to be in order so i can really feel it yaknow???

there are just so many UGH scenes

the team protecting hotch. all of them banding together and being very bitchy whenever strauss tries to paint hotch in a negative light. the entire phonecall scene, foyet surrendering and then hotch continuing anways

how goddamn sad and defeated he looked all bruised up and human while talking to strauss, this episode hurts me sm

[continued from second ask]

(also, at 35.07 if you pause you can see a stab wound on haley. the three gunshots heard may be to wound haley and psychologically torture hotch, but he definitely tortured her. he may be on a timecrunch, but foyet knows, after studying anatomy for so long just to get stabbing himself right how to make it hurt in such a small timeframe)

sorry for such a long ask lol

hello my dear !!!! never apologize for sending long asks i love being able to talk about cm eps with you !! and this got long so my thoughts are under the cut 😂😊

i love that the cm writers let Morgan be strong physically mentally AND emotionally instead of just making him the brawn to Garcia's brains because it really does make his character so much more dynamic and human

omg ep 100 😭😭😭

i agree that one has to be watched in context with others it's just too much to watch 'for fun' because it is such a heavy episode (i only ever watch it when i rewatch the series. i cant handle it at any other time) everything about it is so well done and never fails to rip my heart out. i feel like this is one of the eps where you really see the BAU come together as a team and as a family. they do everything in their power to protect and help Hotch through Foyet's insanity and then all of them defend Hotch to Strauss when she tries to make them turn on him or question his judgement. the phone call is heartbreaking but i think my favorite moment that always makes me cry is when Hotch goes and finds Jack in his office and Jack being so proud that he "worked the case" like Hotch asked. there's something about that moment that always gets me and idk whether it's the earnestness of Jack or Hotch's absolute relief at finding him safe but it just gets me every damn time. seeing Hotch beaten down physically and emotionally in this episode always drives home the point that that man has gone through unexplainable loss and pain and is doing all he can to just,,,hold it together

here is where i restrain myself from saying that Hotch covered in blood beating the shit out of Foyet is really sexy

and poor Haley !!!!!! god Haley deserved so much better and im bitter that the cm writers did her dirty by having her fuckin murdered to advance Hotch's plot 🙃 like let them coparent please i want to see them have a functional and healthy platonic relationship with scenes where Haley teases Aaron about having to watch Jack while he goes on dates and vice versa. and i think that in looking at the damage Foyet inflicted on her was also just to show how bad Foyet was as an unsub (as if that needed to be reiterated) like the cm writers really dug in deep to the whole idea that he was evil incarnate and honestly ?? they made their point. excessively. anyways, justice for Haley bc she went through so much shit and then died. rip.

[ears-awake-eyes-opened]

This Is Why Ghosting Hurts So Much … and why it says nothing about your worthiness for love… When someone we love and trust disengages from us it feels like a very deep betrayal… Social rejection activates the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain… Staying connected to others is so important to our survival that our brain has evolved to have a social monitoring system (SMS) that monitors the environment for cues so that we know how to respond in social situations. Social cues allow us to regulate our own behavior accordingly, but ghosting deprives you of these usual cues and can create a sense of emotional dysregulation where you feel out of control… One of the most insidious aspects of ghosting is that it doesn’t just cause you to question the validity of the relationship you had, it causes you to question yourself. Why didn’t I see this coming? How could I have been such a poor judge of character? What did I do to cause this? How do I protect myself from this ever happening again? This self-questioning is the result of basic psychological systems that are in place to monitor one’s social standing and relay that information back to the person via feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. When a rejection occurs your self-esteem can drop which social psychologists propose is meant to be a signal that your social belonging is low… Ghosting is the ultimate use of the silent treatment, a tactic that has often been viewed by mental health professionals as a form of emotional cruelty. It essentially renders you powerless and leaves you with no opportunity to ask questions or be provided with information that would help you emotionally process the experience. It silences you and prevents you from expressing your emotions and being heard, which is important for maintaining your self-esteem… Regardless of the ghoster’s intent, ghosting is a passive-aggressive interpersonal tactic that can leave psychological bruises and scars… The important thing to remember is that when someone ghosts you, it says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and everything about the person doing the ghosting. It shows he/she doesn’t have the courage to deal with the discomfort of their emotions or yours, and they either don’t understand the impact of their behavior or worse don’t care. In any case they have sent you an extremely loud message that says: I don’t have what it takes to have a mature healthy relationship with you. Be the better person, retain your dignity, and let him/her go peacefully.

Jennice Vilhauer, PhD https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-forward/201511/is-why-ghosting-hurts-so-much%3famp