#i love angst a lot okay?
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What do you like about the Diasomnia boys if I may ask?
I always love hearing about the different reasons people enjoy characters.
I mean, c'mon. he has split custody over Sebek okay
also, Lilia in particular has maybe the best timeskip character development of all time
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 chapter 4 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 chapter 4 spoilers#stage in playful land#i hope this is legible whoops#anon i am sorry but you made the fatal mistake of asking me to talk about diasomnia#insert 'i just think they're neat' jpg#i do like the other characters a lot but they are definitely my favorites#they just hit a lot of my favorite things in characters i guess!#yes even you sebek even though you keep shrieking NINGEN at me#(it's okay he gets Character Development™ later)#and their dynamic! it's great! these guys frikking love each other SO much and they WILL have terrible terrible angst about it#ohoho delicious#give me all your emotional hangups baybeeeee#also somewhere in there i went from 'i like them all equally (but lilia is the most fun to draw)'#to 'lilia is absolutely my favorite (and still the most fun to draw) (EVEN MORE fun now thank you swishy ponytail!)'#(it was probably when his candy coating got a little scratched and whoops all the tragedy fell out)#(where's that 'get loved loser' post because i need to staple it to lilia's forehead)#i am extremely bad at putting things into words so please don't ask me to explain it any further#just know that the diafam is everything to me and if we don't get more episode 7 soon i'm going to crumble into dust and blow away#we'll be getting the crowleytimes on monday and maybe there will be. idk. some foreshadowing or something in his groovy#probably not but LOOK i'm desperate
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in case you are in the mood to feel devastated here’s an alternate way of viewing charles’ response to edwin’s confession:
we know that charles kinda puts edwin on a pedestal- yes they are partners but there is a bit of a hierarchy between them. charles just looks up to and admires edwin in so many ways while constantly looking down on and being really hard on himself. he puts on his big happy persona because he thinks that people wouldn’t like him if they actually got to know him.
so when edwin confesses, it’s like a blow to him. he took his charming persona too far and went and tricked the most important person in the world into thinking he was worthy of love. and it’s worse because he does love edwin in that way, which is exactly why he can’t let him know that. charles still believes that he is like his dad, and he saw exactly what his parents’ relationship did to his mother.
he thinks that loving edwin in the way that he wants to would only cause more pain to this boy who has already been through far more than he deserves. so he blinks back his tears, attempts the same charming smile he’s used all these years, and dishes out the gentlest non-rejection in the history of forever
#i don’t really think this is what happened but my brain just loves to add an extra sprinkle of angst to everything#but honestly the more that i study that scene the more i think this is a possibility#at least to some extent#like specifically his facial reactions after edwin says he’s in love with him#he looks panicked and devastated#almost like it was something he thought about before and was afraid of it happening#and then he cracks his little joke to downplay it because he isn’t ready to accept that what’s really happening#because he already had to watch edwin get dragged away before he could step in to protect him and now this#his two worst nightmares became reality in hell#anyways i do think he’s just oblivious and will figure it out in season 2#but i just wanted to ramble#i do think a lot of the reason why he has to figure things out is because he’s afraid he’s a bad person#so it’s more him figuring out if he’s good enough to love edwin rather than if he actually does#okay i’m done yapping for now#dead boy detectives#payneland#charles rowland
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OCposting..... This is Coven :3 she's a witch who specializes in luck magic! I need to post her so I can yap about her more, she's rotating in my brain at top speed
(Also her bf belongs to @oodliedoodlies hiiii hiiiiiiii hi hi hi)
#rainyart#trolls#trolls oc#trolls band together#original character#character design#DreamWorks trolls#coven#not enough hours in the DAY to draw her bro#i also think shed be fun to write.... maybe ill write her backstory or some shenanigans she gets up to.... she has a lot of potions mishaps#body swap potion..... personality swap potion... love potion..... evil potion seems fun in theory but#idk how that would resolve and would probably lead to angst and drama in an UNfun way yknow#like how much damage she might cause.... and then shed probably be like im never touching magic again#not fun#idk! i need to ponder some more#coven save me. save me coven.#very few things getting me through the slog of classwork but shes def one of them okay#queueing this and running away back to my thesis work
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i need some of your parrot art very sad. like, make him very very sad, as sad as you can make it. horribly sad. depressingly tragic sadness.
oops. sorry, i think i traumatized your bird.
#why are you guys like this????#i keep getting reqs like this#my inbox is filled with crackships and angst why is this my life right now#anyway parrot's blank stare at the spyglass still gets me#every time i think back to it it just makes me physically feel the devastation he probably felt#and then the complete silence on his part when spoke revealed there was no secret#no words. he just stares at the spyglass that became a symbol of his and wifies friendship and the trust between them#that parrot ended up giving up on for nothing.#the realization of how attached he got and how used he's grown to wifies being with him#he probably feels incredibly lonely when wifies is not around now#considering how hesitant he always is to separate with him#you think it reminds him of the time wifies was chunkbanned? it's like a guilt thing#and then there's the trauma of seeing one of his friends actually die in front of him#that probably messed him up a little bit#parrot has a very obvious protector complex#okay im done yapping here#and i only went over what happened in canon and didnt start making shit up#i just love parrot a lot#and i love angst#parrotx2#☆ request .#☆ my art .
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night guards 🌟
enjoying my first rdr1 playthrough :') damn i'm gonna cry so much. i know it's gonna break my heart even more than rdr2 i'm not ready
#charlie the dog is so cute tho i love guarding the farm with him:)#i'm.. really afraid tho. i'm enjoying rdr1 a lot because i love john so much#but at the same time i'm scared because hell no i'm not ready for the angst#i got used to the rdr2 epilogue where everything is.. somewhat okay#i've spent many hours playing as john#i know all the main things that will happen in rdr1 and it hurts so fucking much i'm not ready to experience it myself#been thinking about it playing horse shoes for 2 hours#or whatever this mini game called#this game istg. rockstar pay for my therapy chellenge??#:(#rdr1#john marston#barghestland#art#artists on tumblr
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Speaking of the Hydaelyn trial, as a tank main, I am a very big fan of the inherent tenderness of taking the shared tankbuster with Thancred. I've seen like a billion posts and art commenting on it before, and there's just something about two tanks protecting each other that's just so oddly intimate.
Thancred just booking it across the arena to be at Shiun's side when he sees he's being targeted by a hit he knows he can't take alone. Imagining Shiun still practically wrapping himself around Thancred to shield him as best as he can. Each of them using all their abilities to soften the impact, trying to keep the other from harm. Thinking about them fending off a mighty blow with their combined strength in a shower of sparks, so close together that they're almost one. A shared look of relief and silent reassurance that "I have your back" as they break apart to continue the fight once the attack has passed.
Yeah idk, seems kinda gay to me.
#ffxiv#ff14#final fantasy xiv#rambling#primordial flame: shiun kazumasa#thaniun#thancred waters#wolship#wolcred#im so normal about it i swear#tanks have a lot of inherent angst and longing and love okay!!!
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Okay, it's like 10pm on a work night and I haven't had any coffee today so my thoughts are a little scrambled BUT. I WAS THINKING.
(About In Stars and Time of course I'm always thinking about that game)
A couple of years ago, at the height of Steddie -my sister was big into it and recced me some fics okay- I read this fic about Steve dealing with time loops ("The one in which a time loop is fucking exhausting" by badpancake) and there was this specific detail about the epilogue that stuck with me.
It was the idea that, once the time loops were done and over with, people would slowly start to remember bits and pieces of what happened in earlier loops. After being fractured for so long across dozens of timelines and experiences and outcomes, time was finally healing, and broken shards of lost memories would find their way back into people's minds.
And that got me thinking about a post-game what-if scenario where the same happens to the gang as they travel through Vaugarde.
Like they still don't remember everything -just bits and pieces. Experiences so emotionally charged that they found a way to cross the sands of time and reach them again.
The question is, what would those memories be? The first answer that comes to mind is some of Siffrin's deaths, of course. I can't imagine watching your friend get pancake-d by a boulder would be pleasant, nor witnessing them turning their own dagger to themselves. Or offering him a slice of your favorite snack only for him to go into anaphylactic shock in front of your very eyes, for that matter!
But there would be other instances too, wouldn't they? Death is not the only thing that shook them to their core. What about their first death to the King? Or Bonnie's fate at the end of Act 3? What about basking in the blissful feeling of victory against the tormentor of your land only to turn to look at your friend and know something is very, very wrong?
What about fighting through the House with a party of 4 instead of 5, bloodied, confused, staring in the face of the King knowing you're about to die and wondering why your friend left you all when you needed them most?
I honestly have no idea where I'm going with this, but I've been rotating this concept in my head since this morning and thought I'd get it out on here so y'all can suffer with me tehee
#maxisrambling#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#isat siffrin#i genuinely don't know if i'd ever write a fic about this concept#esp bc i already have like 3 wips im working on and i don't need another#but if i ever were to it would be like. a post-game fic where the party realizes just how bad the loops were#how they affected siffrin and how they mightve affected /them/#(bc love this found family to death but siffrin probably downplays a lot of the loops stuff until confronted /lh)#and meanwhile sif has to deal with the knowledge that his family is remembering things he never wanted them to remember#seeing things they never shouldve seen#and is probably filled with a fuckton of guilt about that bc even now that the loops are broken they're hurting them#they all need a hug oh my god#OFC it would have a happy hopeful ending but NSDJKVNDJKFV angst hurt/comfort <3#okay im done rambling hopefully this makes sense#im gonna go pass out now id say sorry but I'm not lmao xoxo
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“Thank you for keeping your promise.”
inspired scene from the fic “Beyond the Heartbeat” by @starsworth
#tonight I chose pain ✌🏻#a lot of tears were produced in the making of this#also lowkey felt not long enough like I would’ve loved to bawl some more and kept drawing those two fuckers :///#the hug they fucking DESERVE#I’m sick#crying#forever#this fic lives in my bloodstream bc#black brothers#what can ya do yk#just gotta let them haunt you#oh btw Sirius is smiling in this one 😭#I TRIED OKAY ITS HARD TO DRAW A SMILE ON SOMEONE WHOS FUCKING BAWLING#anyway#fanart#sirius black art#regulus black art#black brothers angst#black brothers art#maraudeurs fanart#Sirius black#regulus black#iris tries to art
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The Loop // Johnny 'Soap' MacTavish drabble(ish)
Warnings: Repeated main character death. Mention of gun wounds, and bombs. Spoilers for Operation Trojan Horse/MW3 Reboot's ending.
Words: 1.1k
Notes: What a hell of a fandom debut, eh? I have a few ideas similar to this one.... Ough... Lots of thoughts... My requests are currently open! My request post (found here) contains both a list of characters I write for, and a masterlist! Original character list - please request for these too! If you’d like to support me more, consider reblogging! I’d appreciate it loads!!
John wasn't entirely sure how long this had been going on for. How many times he had seen the same ceiling in the morning, the same people outside, had the same conversations over and over again. The first few times he thought it was just an odd, deja-vu fever dream. 'Okay, this time, it'll change. This time, it'll be tomorrow. This time, everyone will get to move along.' But, every time it was the same. He didn't know how many times November 21st had come and gone, only to come again the next time the Scotsman opened his eyes. He had lost count somewhere in the teens - which was god knows how long ago now.
Some days, he tried to do things differently, saying different things to those he came into contact with, taking different routes to the destinations he knew he had to be there for. But no matter what details he ended up changing, the day ended up the same way, every time. The Scot rubs his temple a little bit as he sits up, grumbling sleepily as he slowly wakes. He can still feel the violent thrum from what felt like moments earlier, his last few seconds of life before blacking out, and waking up here once more. He could swear that every time the loop restarts, the pain in his temple is even worse than the time before. He ran through everything that his pain addled mind would allow him to - all the details and points that he could remember;
The day would start with Laswell telling the team that Makarov and Konni group were in London, and plan to meet with a hacker. Whatever was on the drive in the hacker's possession - some sort of Trojan Horse virus - allowed Konni to control the trains under the city, that much Johnny had already managed to commit to memory. Makarov will board one of the trains, with intent to try and take over the channel tunnel. When they get further into the tunnel, through the numerous Konni operatives, he and Captain Price will find a guarded bomb. They'll manage to break through the remaining Konni operatives with the help of the Shadow Group, and then he and Price will start to work on defusing the bomb. The next few minutes - the last of Johnny's life - always seem to go so quickly. They're little more than a blur; the reserve Konni soldiers, the momentary stun of being shot by Makarov, the last stand, and then... Momentary pain... Nothing more, and restarting right at the beginning of that day again.
He had tried resisting before, that he could remember. Only once or twice, but he remembered. He had tried shoving Makarov away before he could take that first shot. The first time he had wound up with a shot to the abdomen because of it. It hurt like hell, but he thought he would be able to make it to the next day, with some medical help. But, of course, help never came - seemingly caught up at the other end of the Channel Tunnel. It was slow, and it was painful. He had hated it - and he had hated the panicked, dreaded looks on the faces of his teammates even more. They had tried to hide the direness and eventual hopelessness of his situation from him, but Johnny was no fool. Reckless at times, and certainly impulsive at others, but never a fool. It hadn't taken him as long to bleed out as it felt, but it was still too long. The only good thing about that whole day, was knowing that he had passed in Simon's lap, as the man tried his best to comfort him, in his own way. The second time had been worse - so much worse. He had turned earlier than the first time, anticipating the man's shot, but that had had catastrophic consequences. There was a yell from Price, and then, a bright, burning light. It only lasted for a moment, but by God did it hurt. It felt like his entire being was on fire - and for the briefest second, he could have sworn he smelled burning hair and fabric. Unfortunately that horrid stench had followed him through to the morning, sticking in his nose for the majority of that loop. He learnt from that; keep your attention on the bomb, Johnny. Keep everyone else alive.
A part of John wished that he could be caught in a loop of pretty much any other day. Hell, even some of his most humiliating defeats in his Under 21's football team would be better relived than this - perhaps the shame could be better dealt with than the knowledge that no matter what, no matter what course of action he takes, who he talks to, or what he tries to do to prepare himself, the day will always end with his death. It's set in stone, and to a certain extent, he's come to accept it. In any case, this last day allows him to think back on his life - and even though he can't change a single thing about it - about those good times. Joining the military. Pissing people off constantly as the perpetual F.N.G. Meeting Ghost - spending time with Ghost, even if the man was incredibly closed off. Finding a friend in both Gaz and Price, knowing that no matter the situation they had found themselves in, they had had each other backs. Even now, on this last day, even if the others didn't know it each morning, they looked after one another the best they could. If nothing else, Johnny knew that he could take solace in one thing:
In his last moments, he is surrounded by those he trusts most. Those he would have taken a bullet for anyway - he started to take the mindset that that was what he was doing here, taking a bullet for his team, ensuring their survival, and helping them forward. He could only hope that there were versions of his teammates out there that managed to move on from this day, who made it to November 22nd, and managed to give Makarov everything that he deserved. He supposed, though, that dying amongst his team, even if it hurt them emotionally, was the best thing he could have asked for, given the circumstances. Pushing this flurry of thoughts out of his mind, John took a deep breath, and swung his legs over the side of the bed.
It was time for another day.
#requests open#call of duty#cod#john soap mactavish#johnny mactavish#soap cod#soap mactavish#drabble#little bit of angst#okay a lot of angst#angst#angst drabble#i couldn't get it out of my head#god i love him#Mild resolution
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Usopp meets Pedro when they get to Zou after Dressrosa and instantly gets a weird vibe from him when he talks about Sanji and saving him. Maybe it's the way he pronounces Sanji's name or how they just met but for some reason, he seems to be the most concerned of all. And Usopp is not a jealous person. Having Sanji as your boyfriend kind of makes you have to deal with his obsession with girls all the time... But Pedro? A tall, handsome, strong mink is worried sick about his boyfriend and Usopp isn't stupid. He knows something is going on. Pedro also somehow knows Usopp and he figures Sanji has talked about him, but why would he bring that up, anyway? The point here is-- Usopp doesn't like Pedro.
#i talk a lot about jealous sanji and i don't talk enough about jealous usopp#everybody is in love with sanji so how could he not be extremely jealous#okay but imagine the whole drama. like. sanji and pedro actually having feelings for each other and usopp getting jealous#but it's not really bc they like each other. usopp is open to these things. it's more the whole thing about being insecure bc look at pedro#so when pedro dies. sanji is devastated and he goes through a rough time even if they didn't get to know each other THAT much#and usopp has to put aside his jealousy and take care of sanji#and there's so much angst here#one piece#usopp#black leg sanji#pedro one piece#sanuso#pedrosan
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Y'know I was sitting here this morning with the hot spring rambles on my brain, specifically thinking about if the hair washing is close enough to preening to make Grian's birb brain happy
And it just really hit me how unfair hhau world is to birb Grian in particular. Birb brain wants preening from Scar and to show off for him, but being noticed is what's most dangerous for them. T-T
-🎀
hhau world is cruel to birb grian. besides just turning his wings into big shining targets and a huge liability, grian can't have anything his instincts want and crave and yearn for.
preening (as much from himself as from scar—he can't get any version of it and it's driving something in him despondent and mad), idle touches to his feathers, using wings for nonverbal language, using them as a comforting warm blanket on cold nights, flying... the list goes on.
he's a grounded bird that sometimes contemplates if he wouldn't be better off without his wings. that's what this world's done to him.
and oh gosh the things he'd like to do now that him and scar are openly horribly in love? all the new instincts and cravings and urges? all of those things he equally has to stifle and bury deep down... all those things that he feels insane need for but an even bigger terror of them—an emotion that doesn't belong, should never have been put there, and yet it's so deeply rooted and entangled through him now, so much so that it feels insurmountable and irreversible...
it's honestly unfair and so very sad, yeah 😭
#ange answers#ribbon anon#hhau#grian angst#if you can't tell i have deep feelings about hhau grian#he's dealing with a LOT#he gets self destructive urges from it sometimes#and a constant unending dose of anxiety#wouldn't it be lovely if scar and grian got together under better circumstances?#pesky bird perching on scar and showing off his feathers and using them emotively#teaching scar how to preen him and then promptly melting under his touch#but no they can't have that#scar tells him a bunch of times during various points#that he'd be okay never touching grian's wings if that's what grian wants#but if grian wants the touch#even if it's terrifying and it's incredibly difficult with all these mental barriers and trauma and fears#then scar will always be open to trying whenever grian feels ready#without rush#baby steps#all that#because he wants to give him everything grian needs
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tragic heroes
he sees it in the way you look at him, at the way you see passed all his bravado, all his helpless insecurities, hidden behind a firm exterior, or an easy smile, or a wink and a kiss to the cameras.
the first time you ask if he’s tired, he almost breaks down.
“exhausted,” he says, finally admitting it to himself, letting the height of his body curl in on itself till he’s sure he could fit comfortably in your arms and stay there.
“shh…” you tell him, “it’s okay…”
“everyone gets tired sometimes, even superheros like you,” you say, reaching for him, pulling him into you, into your chest, holding him like a breath, carrying him in your arms as though that’s where he’s always belonged.
“i’m not a superhero,” he says, his voice small and tight and terribly different from the way it usually is.
“of course you are,” you say, pulling back to look at him, to cup his cheeks between your hands like water in a stand storm, like something beautiful, something precious and perfect — something made so by it’s mere existence.
and when he tries to shake his head, to open his mouth and tell you how wrong you are, you shut him up with a kiss. you kiss him so hard and so deep that for a moment, he can’t remember a time when he wasn’t kissing you. you kiss him hard enough to bruise, hard enough to forget.
when you finally pull away, he looks down to find you smiling and he leans down to kiss you back like acceptance, like pain and knowing and remembering.
“you’ll always be my hero.”
ATSUMU, bokuto, hoshiumi, HINATA, midoriya, oikawa, MIRIO
#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#boku no academia#atsumu miya#hinata shouyou#oikawa tooru#mirio toogata#midoriya izuku#bokuto koutarou#hoshiumi kourai#we could be heroes#angst mcgee#haiCUTIES#okay so i will admit i was in…. somewhat of a HeadSpace today but… i love me a tragic hero —#and maybe not even tragic in the traditional way that people might see them (altho mirio is LITERALLY the def of tragic hero)#but just like the tragedies heros have to suffer through to BECOME who they are know#i’m just… thinking about that a lot. like…. a LOT a lot.#just how much trauma and fear and isolation and whatever else they had to fight and conquer to become the ‘heroes’ they are
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general's dissection
the one time a famed general wishes to lose, only to emerge victorious warning: disturbing themes, implied suicidal ideation, angst. unrequited lilinor, implied levan x meleanor wc 343, further details on the tags inspired by this song!
i. hunted by many, a single prey escapes
come forth, engage in this game of ‘General’s Dissection’
humans and fae alike may partake
hunting down the general’s head
for he had fallen victim to deceit
castle ground rejects both ashes and bone
as the air grew colder and colder
away from the night’s blessing, I stood
in a path to nowhere
every road I took strayed me further
unwelcomed even by the gates of death
carrying the seed of your love, I wept
on journeys of no return, I yearn
ii. haunted by the shadow of your love
in the long nights, I dreamt of you
falling in love with someone else
saliva intertwining with what’s not mine
please wake me, please return to my embrace
set me free from this anguish
say, don’t you want to dissect
a general’s heart?
come, join and play this game
you always love carrying out mischief
with that smug grin adoring your silly face
a beating heart would make a fun trinket,
don’t you think?
come back to me and i’ll make you win
exchanging victory with every last piece
of love you’ve left behind
something i could never comprehend,
a grave misconception on your part
as I am a weapon for you to wield, not a warden!
iii. hope, a form of nonexistent luxury
ah
for once i wished to lose
a being incapable of affection
because if not, why else
would you escape from my grasp?
how i wished soul could be used as a currency
all i need is an hour, a splitting second
spare me a fragment of your existence
change the trajectory of one's life,
just like how you did way back
surely this kingdom would be better off without that lowly bat fae,
would it not?
bask the land anew with your magnificence
envelop the dusk with your finesse once more
certainly, people of the night shall rejoice
concerns and doubt looms no longer
as happiness blooms beyond briars and thorns
please come back to me, My Lady.
#lilia vanrouge#meleanor draconia#lilinor#lilinor angst#levan#levan draconia#ths is set during the times where lilia is banished from the castle#it must be such a lot to take; i think even he himself didn't expect being treated that harsh by the senate#like okay he knew they hated him#but to the point of unhonorable discharge?? after such loyalty?? expelled from the castle walls just like that??#perhaps their hatred only accumulated due to meleanor's absence#but that doesnt excuse them to treat him as they please!!#bat dad deserves the whole world ;<#anw ik im late but pls accept this humble offering for bat appreciation day#we all love you bat dad#please do know that you will always be loved#ill never get bored of telling this to you and silver#miè writes ✍️#miè's poems#twst#twisted wonderland#twst angst#twisted wonderland angst
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do y’all ever think about teru and hanako commiserating about not understanding their little brothers. because like. imagine teru and hanako bonding over the grief of not understanding their little brothers. his whole life he’s just that little guy who loves you and who you love back because of course you love each other and then one day he’s asking you if that love you’ve never questioned is conditional and you’re forced to realize that maybe you don’t really know much of anything about the boy who’s been chasing right behind you, practically glued to your side, his whole life. tsukasa asks amane if he loves him and amane says of course he loves him but then tsukasa disappears and when he comes back he’s different and does that “of course” still hold up even with how much tsukasa has changed? kou always looks up to teru and teru always protects kou until one day kou grabs teru’s sword and bleeds for a school wonder and then he asks what teru would do if kou became a supernatural and teru can’t say in that moment that he’d love him no matter what, can he? maybe he’d eventually come around to a yes but it’s a question he’s never felt the need to ask himself before. amane and teru take so much for granted until tsukasa and kou flip everything upside down and suddenly neither of them know anything about their little brothers anymore and they have to grapple with limits of their love while fumbling blindly in the dark
#I love to devastate myself on random wednesday afternoons <3#the emotional and moral questions in tbhk are so fucking good I may never get over it#anyway hanateru enemies to lovers arc when?#jk jk lol I just have a lot of feelings about this#……#but also 👀#how fun would that be lol#okay back to the angst and anguish now lol#tbhk#jshk#toilet bound hanako kun
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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
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I didn’t think that reading north and south again this past summer would make me a hater of it but it did.
#he’s a toad and she’s a girlboss and the romance is weird overly physical imbalanced humorless and a little bit cringe#the miniseries is still a serve but man#(I’m so sorry if you love this but I pretty much hated Thornton in the book)#he was just like I haaaaaaaaaate how attracted I am to Margaret. raging against it for 3/4 of the book and then whispering in her ear#for the last fourth#also the freaking scene where he wants to hit her just so he can apologize for it????? hello????????#elizabeth gaskell are you okay???????!?!?!?!!!!!!!????????????#I’m sure some of it—probably a lot of it—was not intended#like. I think she was shooting for intense angst but actually there was way too much focus on attraction and repressed desire in a way#that made the characters especially him GROSS#like. you just cannot have a man thinking about how attractive a girl is without a moment’s reprieve without it being disgusting#and making him a knave and a toad#they never make each other laugh. it’s unclear if there is any other interest besides physical on his part#he doesn’t even seem to listen when she speaks —it’s just. it’s bad.
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