#i lost my childhood cat and i dont know what to do with myself
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i miss my cat so fucking bad i feel like i'm going crazy
#i lost my childhood cat and i dont know what to do with myself#reddit help#sorry#i've cried so fucking much these past days#my moms been in the hospital (shes home now)#i thougjt i was getting better!!!!!!! oh fucking boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!#that one talking bit of all eyes on me by bo burnham#AND THE FUNNIEST THING HAPPENED#i've never felt this much pain genuinely the way he passed was so fucking traumatizing i haven't talked about it outside of my mom and dad#but holy fuck dude#i feel like i've been sick and hallucinating this past weekend#im sick im sick im sick this is a nightmare i can wake up#i hate this by the way i miss my fucking guy so much it's sick#it's genuinely fucked up he isnt here#he was my only constant he was the only normal i had he was my entire world#fuck dude
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Hi 🌻 Hope you are rocking in life right now! (This might get a bit dark..includes mentions of deaths and violence..but none have my involvement, just experiences)
I had a curious question and I wonder if I could understand it better if you had some insights to share.
So..since my Rahu md started, I had quite a few experiences with death. Not of close ones or anything, just in general..as if I have become more "aware" and "sensitive" towards death. Let me elaborate. I wasn't the type who was into watching news or such, but I became too emotionally involved with 1) death of a woman (absolute stranger I saw on tv) who was brutally murdered and whose body was cut into several pieces and disposed by her live-in partner. I saw myself in her and cried for days.
2) death of a girl (saw on youtube, happened 10 years or so back, definitely was a murder ...she was strangled.. but still nobody knows who killed her..strangely, her own parents were convicted and had been serving the prison sentence..they still claim they didnt kill her .but things were sus)
3) suicide of a celebrity (which some people think could have been murdered) this man rose to fame from rags
4) suicide of younger brother of my brother's childhood friend ( a year back) . This was too close. I didnt know him personally, but it did leave an impact on me.
5) death of a girl who lived on the first floor of my building. Again, I dont know her, but she was of my age and her parents claimed she was sick and some people are saying she was murdered by her own parents.
6) weird burnt meat smell I am getting these days from the front door of my house, every evening following her death..which is really weird because never happened before.
7) seeing from my window, dead bodies being carried in covens on the street.
8) my vivid dream of the Parsian Tower of silence and a gruesome dead body whose internals were being eaten by birds.
9) seeing a group of street dogs brutally ripping apart a cat, at night.
10) witnessing a gang fight where a group of weirdos struck their own member's head with a rock over some argument or something (damn, I had never imagined it existed in real life)
These are some of my experiences that have left an imprint on my mind. I am not paranoid, and I accept death (not to forget, the death of my ego..several times, over the past few years and how my reality keeps shifting and changing). I do see a recurring theme of the "head" being severed or involvement of parental figures..but I am not certain.
During the initial months of the rahu or ending period of mars, I admit, I was a bit hopeless and lost and did fantasise about dying. I don't do that anymore and think we will die someday anyway. I have resolved to see this body as a means of divine manifestation and work.
So my question is, what themes do you see in these experiences of mine? Any nakshatra imbalance or prominence you feel is going on? What strikes your mind when you hear about these? It would be nice if there is some astrological aspects that seem to be playing out for it would make much more sense and give a direction to my perspective.
Deeply grateful for all of your work.
May we all find true happiness and look after ourselves with ease.
Rahu Dasha
You didn't give me any details of your Rahu or your chart in general that could give me an indication of what causes such a result. Certain Nakshatras definitely have a tendency to produce such results, but it depends on the house, aspect etc.
Every Mars or Rahu in every chart is different, so each dasha will produce a different result and there is a number of chart factors that will determine that, making a Rahu dasha unique for everyone. You can't associate any of the events you mentioned just with these Grahas, much less interpret anything that happened to you without astrological context.
Everything that happens to us is for a reason. Death for one person will mean something else than it does for another. These events exist for a reason in your life, but that's why we have Astrology to help us decipher what we should be looking for and what is life trying to teach us.
The theme of Rahu in general, as you can find in many of my articles, is developing cold blood. After the strategizing of Mars, we take our tactical tendencies to a new level. As a malefic, Rahu teaches us about the ultimate meaninglessness of certain attachments and gives us a brutal reality check. That is initially painful, but then we become accepting of it.
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HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!! Writing this in my notes app LMAO. I still dont like resolutions but since I sorta did one last year I think itd be good for me to keep doing it so I can look at and see how much I've grown and whats changed or stuck with me. I'll be honest 2023 was a mess. A super big mess for me. I got involved in a bunch of stuff that I shouldnt have been in. I left a really long relationship that I was too scared to leave. I lost a lot of friends because of my actions and things I said. I had my own irl issues such as my childhood cat dying. It was just constant stress each month. But I'm surprised that I managed to still be positive. But I know that wouldnt have been possible without all the people I've been around last year
Although there was so much negativity at the beginning of the year. So much positive stuff happened too. I got a job, me and my family moved into a beautiful house, I'm dating the most amazing person ever, I've apologized to the people I hurt and improved myself to be better, I got closer to some people and I even got to meet a lot of people. You all know who you are when I say I'm so glad I get to talk to yall. Even if we dont talk much I really do appreciate you all and consider you friends. And I hope I can continue to be a good friend for you all
2023 was definitely a year to remember. I love all of you and I hope we can have a good 2024 together!!!!!
#nisas goofy rambles#I typed this up last night and I was hesitant on even sharing it#im not used to opening up still lmao#but again its good for me to reflect on these things and I really wanted to share my thanks to those of you that have helped me#even if it was for a lil bit#thank you <3
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I don't know what else to do so I'm gonna rant on here since so one really sees my posts anyways.
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I'm never going to be enough, for anyone or anything. I'm always going to be a burden whether it be emotionally, mentally, or financially. I dont believe my loved ones when they say im not a burden because i know it isnt true, ive relied on things and people to make me "ok" my entire life. I burnt myself out before I even made it to adulthood and I don't know how to cope, prescription meds made me so fucking sick and vile I don't want and can't afford to go back to that again. The only coping mechanisms I have are isolation and weed, and neither of those are healthy but I guess it's better than self harming or just giving in. And sometimes those don't even work because of how exhausted I am in every. single. way. I'm too tired to keep living like this. I can't be responsible for myself how am i supposed to be responsible for others on top of struggling with myself. Im trying my god damned best and it will never be good enough for the people around me. That's not their fault but Jesus fuxking Christ I need something to change. No matter what happens I'm going to be fuxked, a wreck. And I can't do anything to stop that I just have to accept it and try my best to work with it. I will always hate myself and I've given up on me a very long time ago, but for those I love I will suffer until I physically can't anymore so they dont have to suffer as much. I wish people could see how much I do, how much I try, how much i care and understand.. and if the people I love do read this please don't blame yourself, this is all my fault and my burden to bare. I wish this world was kinder but this is the reality we live in and it's not changing anytime soon, in fact it's getting worse. Especially for people like me who is mentally ill, trans nonbinary, pansexual, and neurodivergent. This society was not meant for me and it never will be I have accepted that a long time ago. Maybe it's better off If I'm just gone. Everything this world has put me through should've killed me a long time ago, im jealous of the dead. I just want everything to stop so I can breathe. And I feel so fucking selfish for even thinking about killing myself but it's always there it's always the backup for me and it always will be, I've tried so fucking hard to be okay for the sake of my partner my cat and my family but im so fucking tired. Sometimes I think about how better off everyone would be if I stayed the "perfect quiet little girl" I was before I stood up for myself and left the overly abusive household I was in. I graduated high school out of spite of my family because they all thought I couldn't do it or I was gonna turn into a druggie like my parents were when they were my age. I'm so fucking jealous that my dad got to escape this world when he did and I wish he took me with him. I'm just, done. I've been living for other people my entire life not one minute of my life was spent just for me and I don't even know how to feel about that, I feel selfish for even wanting to live for me and I feel like an idiot for thinking I even possibly could. I'm going insane and there's nothing anyone can do except watch me burn. I have mourned me almost my whole life, the me you see now is not who I am. I lost myself the day I had to grow up and raise myself before I was even in school.
I wish I had somewhat a normal childhood, I wish I could've enjoyed the time I had. I will never get that time back or those people.
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growth is hard especially when you're broken hearted
29 April is when everything officially ended between Aaron and I. The forever person that I rekindled with is now once again out of my life.
We spent 2 weeks travelling from KL to Phuket back to KL and to Taiwan together. Our families met each other, we bought furniture for the house and we even went around the cities spending the best time together.
Alas, not all fairytales exist. We've had arguments that made me feel unsafe. His unkind comments whenever he rages and his selfishness to escalate a disagreement instead of de-escalating; made me realise that this isn't somebody I can see myself feeling safe around.
Early this year when we decided to give things another shot again, I told him that he would not be my priority. My family & career comes first. After 2022's ordeal, I've decided to make it my mission to make and save as much money as I could. To work extremely hard to have that safety net financially so that I could reap the benefits of it in the future in case of a storm or for luxury.
With the death of yet another relationship, I found this one extremely numbing yet not as dramatically painful as it should be. I found myself moping in sadness and pain and yet the silence was so profoundly loud in my serene apartment. I stopped caring bout taking care of myself for a few days.
They said heartbreak is as physically painful as it is mental and emotional. I felt that at every inch of my core. I lost my home, my forever person and my anchor to my life.
Home was where the heart is right?
Aaron was my home. Aaron was the person I woke up to and the person I fell asleep to. He was the one I turn to for forehead kisses and sweaty palms. The kisses my lips land on in the middle of the night and in the dusk of the morning.
I don't think people understand how much I've grieved in the past couple of years. No one truly cares bout me. It was especially apparent in the way things ended the second time around with Aaron. I asked, "How can someone so serious about me decides to end things with me in the most volatile way?"
Eventually that silence sets in and Tristan offered me to foster his cat for a few days - and now its been 4 days and I absolutely love this cat. She's my emotional support cat lol.
Today I had the most intense heart to heart talk with my mom. So much of it was shouting and screaming and crying. So much of it was my mom apologizing and telling me she loves me. I love her too. But inside I felt so extremely sad that I had to tell her I hate her and resent her for letting me suffer through so much in my childhood that it affected my relationships with people growing up.
I dont know what else to do but she promised me to speak to Justin; to mend our relationship. I don't know if this is the legacy she wants to leave behind but if it is, I would be proud of her. This Friday she and I will finally enter Therapy. I truly hope she feels better.
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cw vent,, doin bad tonite lads
idk if i have PMDD or if it's the SAD or if it's the work stress or if it's the state of this country and the fact that I'm slowly losing hope of both living independently/being able to afford such as well as ever being able to ever begin to transition properly or just whatever the fuck but man im not having a good time
i keep thinking lately about how ive never been able to catch a break and like sometimes i feel like im blowing it out of proportion and that its not fair because i do actually lead a fairly privileged life but also like. i was literally bullied at the age of THREE by my nursery teacher because she mistook the clear signs of my neurodivergence as misbehaviour. i struggled through school because nobody noticed i was neurodivergent and the people who did didnt want to admit it. i developed body dysmorphia by the age of like 8 iirc. i was bullied throughout all of my childhood and struggled so badly because i didnt have any support in place because somehow nobody noticed the very clear signs of adhd and autism. i lost my teenage years to severe bullying which caused permanent trauma and then lost the four years of my life after finishing school to essentially becoming a carer for an abusive suicidal boyfriend and then spent months after his death blaming myself for "not doing enough" when i had literally become a recluse because i was afraid that if i went out he might need me and i wouldnt be available. this year was the first year i think ive ever actually felt Right because i felt like i had myself figured out and i was doing what i wanted and i felt free and i just. i think theres an element of grieving for probably like a good sixteen or so years of my life where i was consistently traumatised by something and had no chance to find myself as a person
i feel consistently selfish for it but i just want someone to see how much im struggling and acknowledge it yknow like. offer some help or take care of me for a bit. i dont understand why but im in this role of a protector and caretaker for others and whilst i want to look after people and i care so so deeply about the people i do look after id also like to be looked after occasionally, you know? like. the day my cat died my partner was there and i got out of bed and my mum gave me the news and i went downstairs and i held her and i went back to my room and got in bed and started crying and. my partner put their arm around me and said he was sorry and i just curled up into them and cried and i genuinely think its the most ive ever felt cared for in at least my working memory
when i was younger sometimes my dad would try to comfort me when i cried and when i tried to explain why i was crying he would say "oh, [deadname]" in this really sympathetic tone and i remember always hoping he would do it when i cried because it made me feel like someone was actually acknowledging how much i was hurting and there came a point where he stopped saying it and idr if it was just because i was getting older and it sounded condescending or if it was at the point where i started hiding from my parents when i was upset because i didnt want them to worry but there was a period of time where i would actually miss that exclamation every time i cried even though i wasnt coming to my dad for comfort
i want to ask for help and seek help and comfort and be vulnerable enough to let people know i need it but also theres people who rely on me and i worry that if i dont seem positive or up to it they might think they cant come to me and i want them to be able to come to me i really do. then also i feel like if i bring my hurt to others all im going to do is upset or inconvenience them and i dont want to do that
im just trapped because i dont want anyone to worry about me but also i kind of do and it makes me feel so selfish like why would anyone ever want people to worry about them but its just in that way that like. iwould maybe just like to be asked if im alright before ive expressed that im not. i would like someone to notice that im quieter than usual or that i dont seem as enthusiastic or upbeat as i do most of the time and ask how im feeling. even that makes me feel selfish though and i hate it because i know realistically that isnt selfish but equally any normal person would just seek out the comfort they need right?? but i cant because if i initiate it then it means im annoying someone or upsetting someone or taking up someone's valuable time
i dont understand how i can be both looking after others, taking time to check on them and make sure theyre alright, give advice and welcome people in if they need me, and then also at the same time feel like the world biggest dickhead if i even dare to think about asking for the same from someone. or refusing to take my own advice. i need a mental health break from work desperately and my partner keeps telling me this as well but i keep refusing because we had 4 staff members off sick this week and if i went off as well it would make things hard for them. i just cant,, prioritise myself
im tired of england and im tired of the world and im tired of having to figure out how im going to manage to exist in the way i want to one day and im tired of feeling selfish for desiring human contact and im tired of waking up before the sun's up and im tired of feeling sad and not understanding why and im just. im just tired
#sorry for this. fucking cringeass dump i just needed to write it all down somewhere#cw vent#personal
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having a really poopy time of it this weekend and next week is going to be hell (two full days with first year high school kids that spend their time trying to be cool, then some stuff with a primary school all crammed into one day). i don’t really get excited/look forward to things (i enjoy my day to day life so big rewards don’t really hit me until it’s time to have em) and my mum is coming to stay at the end of the week, but surviving until then is going to be a bitch
#dw about me im a pretty content person so i know i can get through it#just complaining bc its important to admit to myself things are going to be hard#otherwise i find it hard to be kind to myself#i had a dream about my childhood cat today#we lost her last year#i miss her so much recently but i woke up in the night thinking she was lying next to me#but it was my hot waterbottle#so its all just hit me :c#plus plumbing issues in the flat are a pain (i dont have to pay though bc i don't own it)#and also my car is making expensive noises#think the bearings are going??? not great#my car is essential for work so if it has to stay at the garage idk what im going to do#im freaking out#my boss is super busy this week too and trying to get funding for me to stay on in the winter#so im not sure he'll have much time to help me out#im stressed :c#nonsims#saviorhide#anyway im going to spend the whole day in game again lmao
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Can you rec some media with canon queer characters 😌
ofc!! thisll by no means be an exhaustive list but idk what youre looking for specifically so ill break it into categories
my current favs!! if u follow me u know these already lol
the umbrella academy: netflix show abt dysfunctional superpowered siblings reuniting to stop the apocalypse. canon mlm character (pansexual according to his actor) w mlm romance, canon wlw character (lesbian according to someone on the show dont rmr who) w het romance in s1, wlw romance in s2 - this is one of my absolute fav shows at the minute in general its brilliant
the magnus archives: horror podcast abt the head archivist of an institute researching experiences w the supernatural. protagonist is canonically biromantic asexual, in a mlm relationship in s5, and there is another canon bisexual character, as well as (iirc) a canon wlw couple - yall know ive been so into tma lately its so so good, obviously if you dont like horror its not for you but if you do.. 👀
sanders sides: youtube series abt a gay dude working out his emotional problems via personified aspects of his personality. all the characters are gay cuz thas what thomas is baby! - i was hesitant abt putting this cuz thomas is a person not a character lol but if u haven't seen sasi i recommend it its like free therapy but theres songs sometimes
shows!
julie and the phantoms (netflix remake): musical show abt a teen girl rediscovering music after her mothers death w the help of three ghosts who were in a 90s band. canon gay character w a slow burn romance (not yet canon bfs but s2 lets go) - its very cheesy and the musical segments can drag on a bit but its p good overall
lucifer: detective show abt lucifer abandoning his rule of hell to buy a nightclub and beginning to solve murders w the lapd. lucifer is canonically bi/pan, as is his demon pal mazikeen, but queerness rly isnt a focus of the show its more casual rep - that being said its a good show overall, if a little predictable now n then (s1-3 on amazon prime, 4+5 on netflix)
kipo and the age of wonderbeasts: fantasy cartoon set in a future filled w mutant intelligent animals, kipo finds herself lost and has to get home w the help of her friends. canon gay character as one of the mains, canon nb side character - its a rly good cartoon! lots of fun, excellent soundtrack, and the main characters are all poc which is rly nice to see
the dragon prince: cartoon abt two princes and an elf assassin returning a dragon egg to its mother. canon mlm couple, several canon wlw characters, canon nb character - i havent seen the show myself but ive heard very good things abt it!
i am not okay with this: netflix show abt a teen girl discovering she has superpowers and hating it. protag is canon wlw (i THINK shes a lesbian but i havent watched it in a hot sec), developing wlw relationship - ianowt slaps! sad that s2 got cancelled but s1 is real good its a touch spooky and theres a bit of gore/blood so watch out lol
schitt's creek: sitcom abt a rich family who lose all their money and have to move into the motel of a town they bought as a joke. canon pansexual character and canon gay character w one of the sweetest mlm relationships - a rly good witty show w excellent character development for every character!
good omens: show abt a demon and an angel trying to stop the end of the world. every celestial character in it is nonbinary, + crowley and aziraphale have a nonexplicit (ie no on screen pda lol) romance - good omens is such a good queer show none of the characters care abt gender in the slightest lmao, plus the show in general is fantastic (the book is also very good)
movies!
the old guard: a group of immortals fight an organisation that wants to capitalise off their immortality. canon mlm couple - another one i havent seen yet (i will!) but apparently very good
it chapter 2: horror sequel to It, w the main characters returning to derry to defeat pennywise for good. canon gay character in unrequited love - i only say chapter 2 because his queerness isnt referenced at all in the first film, again its big horror and theres no gay romance just gay tragedy but its a good film
love, simon: romcom about a closeted gay teen falling in love w someone over emails. do i even need to state the rep? - honestly if u haven't seen love simon yet what are you even DOING its so good proper fluffy queer romcom, the book (simon vs the homosapiens agenda) is also really good!! so is the sequel (leah on the offbeat) where the protag is a bi girl + it focuses on a wlw romance
the way he looks: brazilian coming of age film abt a blind teen boy falling for the new kid at his school. canon mlm relationship - this doesnt seem to be on (british) netflix anymore so idk where youd find it with subtitles but i rmr liking it a lot!
games!
night in the woods: 2d platformer abt a young woman (well. cat) dropping out of college and coming home to live w her parents + discovering spooky happenings in her hometown. canon mlm couple and i believe the protag is canonically bi? - i will recommend nitw to literally anyone who will listen its one of my all time favourite games, deals w a lot of mental health issues and its absolutely gorgeous w a brilliant soundtrack and rly good dialogue thats witty and serious and realistic (its on steam + switch for sure dk abt other platforms, abt 15 quid i think?)
tell me why: adventure game abt twins returning to their childhood home + findin Secrets. canon trans male character - i havent got around to buying + playing this yet but it looks really good! (its in three chapters + on steam, not sure on price)
other media!
the art of being normal: slice of life novel abt a young trans girl discovering herself. main characters are a trans man and a trans woman. - a good novel! trigger warning for transphobic actions including descriptions of a transphobic attack on the guy, and its certainly not without its faults otherwise, but i thought it was pretty good
the adventure zone: dungeons and dragons podcast by the mcelroy brothers. idk specifics but theres a lot of canon queer characters in it! - i havent listened to taz yet but i know a lot abt it, inc that its good and funny and has plenty of queer rep
theres several more i like that arent listed here but to keep this from getting just ridiculously long ill leave it there :] tried to get a range of genres and medias, hopefully theres something for you in there!
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Falling Back to You
Pairing: Blossick (Blossom x Brick, Reds)
Fandom: The Powerpuff Girls
Soft, sweet reds because I've been feeling angsty lately and needed a breather lol. Sorry to everyone who follows me for other fandoms, I promise Ill write more for FT (you can always leave asks lol)
Tag List: @over-under-through1 @shellielyzabeth (if you want to be on my tag list, you can find the post or dm me)
I hope you enjoy. This has been sitting in my drafts for a few months and decided to just finish it lol.
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“I’m surprised you don’t have your hat on.” A voice came from behind him. But not just any voice. The moment the first word left those lips, the hair on his neck stood up and sent a familiar chill down his back. It was a voice that he knew well, could distinguish in a crowd of a thousand voices, it was the equivalent of his favorite song or the taste of the sweetest thing to melt in your mouth.
“Blossom.” He said under his breath but her super hearing picked it up.
She thought she was prepared to see him, after all its been two years. That’s enough time to heal, right? But she prayed that he didn’t hear the small gasp that escaped her lips as he turned. That crisp dark red suit fit him like a glove and she spotted him from a mile away in that signature color. He looked good in red.
“Hi.” She managed to say smoothly as he took a step towards her.
“What are you doing here?” He asked with a reluctant tone. It was only the most important night of his life. The one where he would be promoted to the head of the department, the one he busted his ass off from the ground up. Not to mention an award for a case he worked on last year.
She shrugged and bit her lip. “My boss is here and I have to write a report for him.” Then added. “And I wasn’t going to miss the achievement you have been talking about for literal years.” She said shyly. “I promised after all.”
And she did. Back when they had dated all those years ago. Blossom was by his side as he worked from being an assistant at the law firm to one of the most promising lawyers, and now the highest ranked lawyer, but she missed the last part. Unfortunately.
He studied his ass off and she did too, both of them determined to outshine anyone in their paths, maybe that why they chose different companies. They had traded their childhood rivalry for a path of lust and love, a simple competition would not be throwing them down that path. In fact their jobs were the reason they weren’t together.
“You remembered.” He said under his breath. She heard it, of course.
She tapped her foot and looked around before giving a puzzling look. “Wheres Jasmine?” It pained her to ask.
Jasmine. Oh yes, his girlfriend who couldn’t be bothered to celebrate to most important time of his career. Or rather, ex girlfriend, As of last night where he found her with another man.
“Not my girlfriend.” He simply stated as she nodded before taking a sip of her drink.
It must have been good if she brought it to her lips. Blossom loved a good cocktail but if it was hard liquor, she required top shelf, something he admired. He was like that too and was the reason she only drank the highest quality.
“What about Tyson?”
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Not my boyfriend.” She said bitterly and he didn’t know why he was happy about it. “Cheated on me for a blonde.” Her glass was on the verge of cracking before she smoothed out her dress. “Typical.”
He hummed in agreement. There was a feeling of anger running through him as he thought about any man hurting Blossom, sure he hurt her too but nothing like that. No their fight was different, it was a fight about whats best for both of them.
They had just under an hour before the cermony started. He didn’t want to bother being inside socailzing with a bunch of random people and he had a feeling she didn’t either. The wide open hallway was becoming stuffy and he could see a trio of men walking their way and knew Blossom would become the talking point.
Before Brick could turn them the other way, the men were already there.
“Brick.” The tall one spat.
“Landon.” Brick matched his tone. What a dumb name he thought.
Landon turned and did not bother to hide the fact that he was checking out Blossom. Of course he was. Even in her simple black cocktail dress that screamed sophistication, she was a walking dream.
“And you are?” He gave her a smirk that could charm anyone, expcet for Blossom of course.
Brick was pracitcally smiling as Blossom shook his hand. He knew she wouldn’t take his bait.
“Blossom Utonium. Head of corrupt affairs at Duchess Law.” She started with what Brick likes to call her “Miss Business voice”.
Landon smirked. “Duchess Law? Someones a smart cookie.” He winked.
The other men behind him agreed and Blossom held her tounge. She hated being patronized or looked down on. He should be thanking the lucky stars that he’s even in her presence.
Brick could tell she was annoyed and wrapped his arm around her waist before looking at Landon. “She makes more money than all three of you combine and actally can win a case so show some repect.” He spat and he turned them around towards the back doors that led to the garden space.
The feeling of having his arm around her sent a spark through her body. At first it felt foreign but the memories came rolling in waves as they walked.
“I could handle myself.” She stated and he hid his laugh.
“I know, but you won’t because of your repuation. I for one don’t care about mine that much.”
“Or maybe its because you still care.” She teased as she sat on the stone bench with him.
He was about to response but his phone began to ring. He wanted to ignore it but Blossom probably would say something about it.
“Its Butch.” He said before trying to put it back into his pocket.
“You should anwser it. I’m sure he’s wanting to wish his brother well.”
He huffed and anwsered on the final ring.
“Hello?”
“Hey quick question. Do you think that I would win in a fight against Thanos?”
Brick only shook his head.
“Butch.”
“Its serious cause Buttercup doesn’t think so but I could take him for sure.”
Blossom was holding a hand to her mouth as the guy kept going on about the stupid question.
“Oh shit dude, tonights your night!”
“Yes it is now Imma hang up now.”
“Brick be nice.”
“Wait a minute bro. Is that Miss Blossom with you?”
“Yes because shes the only one who bothered to care.”
“Hey you’re the one who said not to come. Anyways tell her I said hi and that you two should totally get back together because you kept going on and on about how you missed her and leaving her was the worst choice you made-” The line cut dead and the phone was shoved in his pocket.
“Hes stupid.” He mumbled and Blossom drank the rest of her drink.
“Hes not wrong.”
He turned towards her and gazed silently. She was just as he remembered. Gorgeous and graceful and even without a word spoken, she could command a room. He admired her greatly and she felt the same.
“Brick, can we just skip all of it?” She asked softly.
“I’ve kinda been looking forward to my award.”
“No, not this.” She gestured to the building. “But this.” She pointed between them.
“Skip what?”
“Oh I don’t know, the drama of it all? Because if we don’t confess now we are going to waste so much time running after each other and I-I dont want to waste time.” She looked down at her shoes. A sad sigh leaving her lips. “I just miss you.”
The confession surprised him. They were both forward people who never beat around the bush but when it came to their feelings between them, they had always been shy. Boomer and Bubbles were easy to confess and even Butch and Buttercup seemed to have it together but for them, it felt impossible sometimes.
No matter where he turned, she was there. They had always crossed paths like star-crossed lovers and it was as if the universe was constantly pulling them together and they had tried. They really did.
Perhaps the timing wasn’t enough or their pride had stood in the way. they never meant to fall apart the way they did but when the other side of the bed was empty, those walls they held up became transparent and it only took a mere few seconds to see what they had lost.
But he understood what she meant. They both knew that if anything were to happen between them tonight it would start a snowball effect that everyone was tired of seeing. Over and over they would fall in line and build each other up before something came between them and pulled them apart.
He wanted to get past all the hurdles of playing cat and mouse until on of them caved and said their feelings. But her saying she missed him wasn’t her caving, she was just tired and so was he.
They had been young when they had fallen in love. The rules of life tossing them into a sea of doubt but now they were adults who knew the game and could easily avoid anything in their paths, except each other.
His hand slid over hers. “I missed you too.”
She smiled softly before her hand rested on his cheek. “I’m really proud of you Brick, you’ve come along way.”
“I’m just happy you got to see it.” He whispered before his lips touched hers with a fire they both had missed.
A swirl of fire and ice that only they knew. No matter how much life decided to pull them apart or change the course, he would always find himself coming back to her.
The kiss didn’t last as long as he would have liked but seeing the faint blush on her cheeks made it all worth it.
“What are you doing later?” He asked as he helped her up from the bench.
“I was going to get take out and sit in my hotel room watching movies.”
Brick leaned over to fix the bow in her hair, taking the time to have her close. “I don’t suppose you would accept any company?” He winked before kissing the back of her hand and handing her the red purse.
“I think I can make an exception.” She winked and he had never thought she had looked more stunning.
She took his hand, their palms resting naturally together, before walking back to the ceremony, where he would leave with not only his award but the woman he had loved for years and years.
--
was the ending lazy? yes. do I care, only a little bit. Lol. I’ve had a really off day so I hope this is good.
Hope you enjoyed :)
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Public School Stuff I Wanted to Share
public school is both beautiful and horrifying am i right
so ill just go by the grades i guess
Kindergarten, first year
i did kindergartden at a catholic school in a relativly big city so this one’s got some shit
we went to church every wednesday, me and best friend (lost track of her when we moved, wish we’d stayed in touch, she was awesome) would giggle the whole time, pretty sure we made fun of jesus once, can’t remember why, possibly the hair
i had the nicest teacher, she was (as i remember her) young, blonde, and super sweet, that was the first and last year i ever had naptime
SPEAKING of naptime
i never slept during it
once i found what i remember being a nut of some sort on the ground, probably came off someone’s shoe
i grab it, turn to sarah (my best friend), say something about putting it up my nose
sarah, apparently having common sense, says, “no dont do it!! we’re supposed to be sleeping!!”
i put it up my fucking nose
try to get it out, just push it farther in
im crying a little bit now, that shit hurts
go up to my teacher
“you’re supposed to be asleep!”
“i have a nut up my nose and it wont come out”
teacher tries to get it out, but it wont budge
just. sends me back to my mat
that was it
the art room was tiny
like re-purposed broom closet tiny
there was a copy of the mona lisa in the hallway, someone had drawn ray bans on it with a pencil, never got replaced
there was a creepy-ass basement i went down to after school, we ate cheeseballs and sandwiches with some kind of meat, mayo, and that kinda yellow bread
someone broke his leg down there once, think an older kid threw him at the ceiling or something
we learned how to play Silver Bells with actual bells in music class
Kindergarten, second year
i remember these two teachers as the evil step sister-type look, but it might be my little kid imagination
but seriously they were horrible
we learned stuff in a room that was more middle-school styled, except everything was green or black and it was v dark
me and sarah attained a new friend, john
honestly i think we would’ve stayed friends for a while if i didnt move away
i have two vivid memories
one is of me really wanting to go home, so i walked by the teacher’s desk and did a fake sneeze
they laughed at me and told me to go sit back down
the other is john leaning his chair back and then falling, so me and sarah went to help him back up
it was funny, so he did it again
and again
me and sarah were laughing, had the time of our lives
after the maybe fifth time the teachers said “john can get back up by himself. sit down and stay there.”
one of the reasons we moved was bc i got sent a letter from my fourth grade buddie
most of the words weren’t spelled correctly, many letters were backwards
my mother was horrified
ofc now we know it was probably a learning disability
1st grade
this is when i moved
beginning of school i was ASTOUNDED we didnt have uniforms, one of the best things ever to happen to me
nothing wrong with this teacher, she was cool
thing is i was a little shit
told everyone my dogs died (they did but i was maybe three when it happened, i remember it not)
all my personal narratives were bullshit (only one sticks in my memory, wrote it about celebrating christmas AND hanukkah with my dad’s friends who were jewish, i have never even met those friends)
had a crush on this kid, best friend (she was terrible and helped wreck me emotionally) told me to kiss him in music class. me being a stupid ass bitch, i did it, aND HE GOES TO THE TEACHER AND CALLS ME OUT. at the end of class she gets both of us to stay for a bit, AND I DENYIED EVERYTHING. i walked across the fucking classroom, kissed him on the cheek, ran away giggling, told my teacher i didn’t do anything, AND GOT AWAY WITH IT. i’ve embarrassed myself further with this child but thats another story
2nd grade
i loved this teacher but honestly he was absolute shit
like. all he did was play the guitar and sing with us
never actually taught us stuff???
middle of the year, my mom goes in for a parent-teacher conference, he tells her i dont pay attention is math.
“what do you mean?”
“she doesn’t listen, she just takes out a book and starts reading.”
“........have you.... tried taking the book away?”
“sure, i could try that.”
“o....kay”
he also told her i’d be a girl who’d grow up to love spellcheck (which i do lmao)
like ???? why not just??? teach me to spell????
there was this one dude who one day showed up, gave me a pink stuffed cat, and then asked me where i lived
funniest thing was he lived on the same street as me
something that is vivid in my memory is showing up to class one day and realizing that i was wearing my regular clothes over my pajamas
also we had fish
every day someone else was in charge of feeding them
one of the times it was my job, i grab the fish food and walk over to the tank only to find all of the fish floating on the top
i screamed “THE FISH CAN FLY?!?!?!?!?!”
everyone ran over, all of us scarred for life when Mr. G walks over and goes in the most normal voice ever “no theyre dead”
we held a funeral
the cause of death is still undetermined
3rd grade
this year just draws a blank for me
all i know is that whoever the teacher was, they neglected to teach me how to tell time from a clock
also we learned the Cotten Eyed Joe dance in gym around here
4th grade
i had two teachers this year
one was the same one from 1st grade, the other one was a total bitch
made a girl named hannah ball her eyes out once, never apologized
i was (and am) and avid reader, so my reading skills were high above average
instead of being proud of me she told me i was weird, not normal, and too smart for a 4th grader, so i MUST be cheating.
she was the start of a lot of self confidence issues for me ngl
this was around the time i went and got tested for ADHD (me and my grandmother almost broke down on the highway but thats another story), Mrs. M (the nice one) was super supportive when i told her why i was leaving early but Ms. S (bitch) told me ADHD wasn’t real and i just wanted to be special for once
she sucked, Ms. S
5th grade
this is getting super long so this’ll be the last one i do
but my teacher..... Mr. F was A+++++
he legitimately taught me math
we had i guess like,,, a buddie class we switched with sometimes
the teacher of that class was Mrs. R, who had crazy red hair and many freckles
at one point she referenced a meme and my entire class started screaming
also there was another Mrs. S (to differentiate this one will be called Mrs. Su)
she was kind of crazy
she was the astronomy teacher and she told us many times that the moon landing was faked
once she handed out sunscreen and had everyone put it on their whole body (this was in december, fyi)
Mr. F also hosted an ‘archeological dig’ which sounds cool but in reality he had a bunch of arcade prizes from his childhood buried in little flower pots we dug into with plastic spoons
also heres some stuff i cants pinpoint the time of/happened in multiple grades:
someone held a who-can-scream-the-most-like-a-goat contest
a guy named Makenzie won
remember we planned it while the teacher left the classroom so the teacher walks back in and one by one everyone in the room starts screaming, there was some applause, a few kids got a standing ovation
we cleaned out our desks in the middle of the year, i found 3 socks and a dog treat in mine
like how the fuck did any of those things get there
and where’s the fourth sock
b o t t l e f l i p p i n g
but no seriously there were at least five water bottles stuck in the ceiling in the cafeteria
my sorta friend charlie was obsessed with paper airplanes
one time he might’ve broken the world record for longest time in the air but he was counting in his head and it was at recess so there was no video
four square and gaga ball would be played no matter the setting, time, or conditions and it was super competitive
like if you could get to king in four square you got the everlasting respect of everyone
and everyone was super educated on four square special rules, special plays, that kinda shit
no but guys i grew up with bus stop, candy store, haunted house on mondays, haunted mansion on fridays, zombies was fair game unless it was Zach, Ryan, Chrissy or Vee
me and one other guy named andrew were the only known pjo fans, had the time of our LIVES making refrences
“HEY ANDREW IM NOBODY”
“I HAVE WAITED YEARS FOR YOU, NOBODY, COME HERE AND FACE YOUR DEATH”
“hey annabeth, i thought you looked like a princess when i first saw you. i printed out a picture you sent me casually and kept it with me. i snuck along on a quest so i could save you, endangering myself immensely. i held the sky for you. when you talk about your crush on luke, i get jealous. beckendorf understood, but hes dead.”
“ikr we’re literally the best of friends”
“RIGHT”
also the first time we finished mark of athena we were in the same classroom and we individually dropped the book, stood up, looked at each other, and screamed “WELL FUCK YOU TOO RICK RIORDAN”
#public school#percy jackson#percabeth#my childhood#you dont have to read this but i felt like posting it lol#if you've read this far#i applaud you#thanks for listening to my meaningless shit#im gonna be a comedian#school#school stories#adhd#kind of
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I feel like Ive aged at least 6 years since covid started. Im angrier. Less adapted to being outside then I used to be- which is saying a lot. This time last year I was?? Actually healthier mentally then I had ever been and looking forward to having the house alone for a month which?? Was the most freedom I wouldve ever had.
A lots fucking changed. I drove halfway across the country- all 30 hours at once with my big brother AND two elderly dogs, plus my cat. All animals on too many drugs (the vet said they couldnt overdose, and then failed to give any further instruction) cami peed on herself twice, unable to move. I had to waterboard her in Phoenix, a truly terrifying hell city where all the roads are raised and overlapping and its a hot as shit cause its?? What june?? Time was so fake this year I mustve just been stoned the whole time till I ran out of weed, and since moving its been a relief to be able to turn off the spinning anxious thoughts for a few hours
my big brother joined us. He brought a new dog with him which?? Is always a lot, plus I have this pack of dogs now cause the puppy wouldnt leave the super cancer ridden dog alone, and Im able to get her cbd regularly here, so shes always comfortable now instead of just?? Sometimes which is a lot nicer. We didnt think shed make it to chrisrmas. I thought shed die with me home alone to take care of everything, like always. It was almost a relief, I wouldn't have to coach my brother through the grieving process at least, and I had already finished. Its hard now even, for me to realize she might even have another christmas (but I wont hold my breath)
I feel safer going outside here then I did in Austin. I only went out a handful of times in texas, for the last few months I was ordering almost all groceries, and only going to the store once mask mandates were mandatory (theyre not anymore. Im so worried for texas. I missed a huge freeze by mere months. I dont think my elderly dogs wouldnt survived it. If I was alone with them, Im not sure I woudlve.
My parents took my brother to mexico with them. I begged them not to go, told them how irresponsible it was to travel across boarders. To visit an island and take all the plane germs with. I told them that even if my mom and brother were staying at home all day with me, my dad was still going to work and he didnt know what his coworkers were doing. That they wouldn't know what the people on the plane were doing. That at any point they could become the stupid americans that killed half an islands population.
They left a week after today last year. The boarders were closed the next day. Their friend has been traveling back and forth ever since. I have no idea how, except for the fact shes white and rich and wont hesitate to destroy a child, so I can only imagine how shed treat costomer service.
I will no longer allow this angry aggressive woman to ever make me feel bad, and I will allow myself to finally fight back. Im an adult, maybe not all the time (cause lets be real I'll always be a bit too eccentric for most) but when I get angry and allow myself that anger, it's not a bad thing. Anger doesn't have to make me feel like Ive done something wrong. Im usually very just in my actions, and I wont allow my parents influence to tell me all anger is misdirected and hurtful for reasons I couldnt understand. Its okay for me to be angry.
I think being alone with animals for months is at least reassuring that my childhood was unreasonable if nothing else. Which of course is a silly polite society term for pretty fucked, if nothing else.
My aunt had to gall to say weve had a good 2020 cause our family wasnt hurt, and I had to walk away from the zoom call. I haven't attempted communication with any of them since, not that I normally do. Of course none of us died, all rich old white people, most of them retired and able to stay home all day (not that all of them did, I learned about my grandfathers routine and just.. Im honestly surprised no one got it yet. Of course I knew from the beginning if anyone was gonna get it and die, it probably wouldve been me. Hence the 8 months of solitude before the move.
Was the move in August?? Im so unsure about time. Even with 2020 vision.
I tried to date when I moved here. Strictly on tinder. What was the point? On and off testosterone due to the wonders of texas, hadnt changed my body nearly as much as they should've a year after being on them. I look much more handsome now. Im also allowing myself to toss gender aside completely. He/him doesn't mean man, and they/them dont mean nonbinary, so why not mix them since Im?? Not really either.
It wasnt even a thought process like that to start. Much more "this is nice" which I think more gender should be allowed to be. Dont gotta be deep just comfortable.
I wont ever allow my parents to forget what they did. I ended up with three dogs I didnt want (I was so looking forward to not having any dogs) and I ended up taking care of my brother. Again. Its easier without my parents at least. Everything always is. My dogs are even happier. Cami finally isnt anxious 24/7. Again, a sad reminder my childhood wasn't great. Daisy is healthier. Trauma can be stored emotionally or with health issues, often both. I think the cancer dog getting better and?? Surviving and thriving so much longer then the vet said (how good was my old vet?) Is another unfortunate nail in thay proverbial coffin.
Im not as soft and openly loving. Im even more touch starved somehow. Harsher. I still want to choose love and compassion, but Im not letting myself fall into the trap of being so nice people wont be nice to you. Fighting back is something I wont feel shameful about, because it never stopped me from doing it completely anyway.
I was already reaching this on my own though. This was just more coffins, more nails. This didnt need to happen. We know our government let this happen. Its still letting it happen. Im not sure when Im getting my vaccine. My big brothers sick of quarentine and keeps trying to get us to go out. Sometimes I yield, and we go to a park, or the top floor of the parking garage. I get a vegan hotdog from nearby. We talk and laugh and were genuinely just. Boys being boys.
I shouldn't have to deal with parent shit anymore. I do though, especially since two out of three are unemployed and we can really only afford to live here cause of them (they owe me if anything though. Especially with my brother and these animals) I hope I can get a job soon. Or maybe even go back to school. Im lucky I had so much saved up (for top surgery, which I guess wont happen before Im 25 like I really tried for. I wouldve done it before now, but texas waitlists and rules kept holding me up. I literally went to an appointment in dallas, a 4 hour drive, just to found out the surgeon canceled on me for the second time)
Its incredibly depressing, and I know Im lucky to have had that stash. So many people didnt have anything and lost so much. People lost people. Half a million at this point. I remember when it got to 300,000 and I just?? Felt so awful it was so close to how many people we lost to AIDS. Its over that by so many now. It doesn't really stop, does it??
Is that catholic guilt?? Or maybe just irish guilt in general. Is it something I inherited or earned through all the end of the worlds and once in a lifetime recessions Ive been through. Im not sure how many off the top of my head, theyve been coming since I was so small and its always more and more. Im not even catholic anymore. I cant stop being irish though, even though the brits tried (and succeeded. Weve lost a lot. The current royal cotastrophy is bullshit as well, the only person who deserves a royal title is from Meniappolos
My home is decorate all inside for st patrick's day. My big brother loves it so Im going all out, and its def making me feel much more irish then usual (which is a lot Im over half)
I think I just wanted to say Im not the same. I hope I can still be happy an obnoxious is public. I wonder if I remember how
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I was tagged by @sunflowrhaz to answer a few questions that dig a little deeper. thank you love <3
1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen?
don’t really care but prob black
2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city?
Country. I’ve lived in the bush all my life - although I would love it if I lived closer to a big city.
3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?
Piano (i know like the right hand of one song), and I spent a year studying Italian and dont remember anything from it so I would like to actually be fluent.
4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar?
I only drink black tea(with milk) and I have 2 sugars. I do have pretty big mugs though
5. What was your favourite book as a child?
the harry potter series, and then probably the Eragon series or the Wings series. do not get me started on just how badly they did the Eragon movie though
6. Do you prefer baths or showers?
showers tbh
7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be?
a mermaid or a faerie, I was obsessed with both as a kid
8. Paper or electronic books?
Defffinitely paper. Theres just something about the smell and the feel <3
9. What is your favourite item of clothing?
😬 i have an overflowing wardrobe... maybe the Spell dress I treated myself to, or my denim jacket, or one of my maxi dresses idk idk
10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it?
as a kid i always wanted my middle name to be my name... like i started calling myself that and everything sdskfjhlksfk but now no not really. I like my name (although it is annoying that there is a brand with the same name)
11. Who is a mentor to you?
my mum 💕 she’s an absolute legend
12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for?
I wouldn’t mind if like my art or the things I made were famous but like me actually famous myself? noooooo thank you i’ll pass
13. Are you a restless sleeper?
lmao no i remember once my dad apologised for using the chainsaw near my bedroom window and i was like ??? I didn’t hear it at all.
14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person?
very much so but I feel like other people don’t think I am
15. Which element best represents you?
i am an earth sign but would probably pick water
16. Who do you want to be closer to?
i miss seeing my siblings as much as i did when we were kids, and i miss my friends from high school so much... we never see each other anymore
17. Do you miss someone at the moment?
yeah
18. Tell us about an early childhood memory.
most of my childhood memories include horseriding or swimming at the beach or river
19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten?
tbh i’m pretty fussy. Oh! actually I had kangaroo once in primary school when we had this like ‘indigenous culture education’ thing. Do not remember what it tastes like at all
20. What are you most thankful for?
i was going to say the same thing so I’m just going to leave your answer there lol
my family, my health, the beautiful country i live in, the friends i have made on here 💛so many things
21. Do you like spicy food?
not in the slightest. I dont even like pepper on my food
22. Have you ever met someone famous?
depends on what kind of famous we’re talking lol i’ve met a couple of mildly well known aussie bands, a politician, an athlete that carried the 2000 olympic torch through my town, but nobody like really famous
23. Do you keep a diary or journal?
i dont use it as much anymore but from like mid teens until a few years ago i used one a lot. It was the best feeling to just like write everything i felt like i couldn’t/shouldn’t say but i guess i dont need it so much anymore
24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?
pen
25. What is your star sign?
capricorn sun, aries moon, aquarius rising
26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?
i haven’t eaten cereal in years but its gotta be crunchy. are there actually people who like soggy cereal lmao
27. What would you want your legacy to be?
this sounds so cheesy but I just wanna be someone people are comfortable to be around
28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read?
do i like breathing? my first memory of books is having fairytale books stacked like 30cm+ high on the end of my bed when I was like 4/5. I just finished The Lost Book of the White and am currently reading Midnight Sun(dont judge me i needed to know what it was like)
29. How do you show someone you love them?
i’m definitely a show not tell kind of person. hugs, doing a task they don’t like doing so that they dont have to do it, hugs, gifts, hugs,
30. Do you like ice in your drinks?
sometimes
31. What are you afraid of?
losing my family, never travelling, not doing anything with my life
32. What is your favourite scent?
jasmine, rain, freesias, books, roses, my mums perfume,
33. Do you address older people by their name or surname?
calling anyone by their surname is not really a thing where i’m from (unless it gets turned into a nickname)
34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?
travelling a lot, secretly paying off peoples debts, handing out money to strangers, I would just travel and try to make peoples lives easier
35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean?
100% pool. I always feel like a plant that someone poured salt on after i’ve swam at the beach
36. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground
keep it unless i could figure out who’s it was
37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?
i’ve seen a few :) and yes
38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children?
i don’t think i want kids, but if I had them probably just to be kind, tolerant and not to judge to quickly, and definitely to use common sense
39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?
hmmm definitely something small, probably ~aesthetic~ artsy or some symbol that means something to me. I’d get it wrist, above or below my elbow (inner), or maybe ankle. I’ve actually always wanted an infinity symbol on the side of my ring finger
40. What can you hear right now?
my fan and my cat yawning
41. Where do you feel the safest?
at home, probably in my bed reading or smth
42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?
procrastination, self-doubt, anxiety
43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be?
i’m always thinking fashion when it comes to history so probably some where from 1850s - 1920s england/france. or like 1600s france.
44. What is your most used emoji?
😂💖🤦♀️🤷♀️
45. Describe yourself using one word.
creative... or stubborn, or kind idk
46. What do you regret the most?
... not trying. But there’s always time to change that I guess :)
47. Last movie you saw?
dont remember... i’ve been watching a lot of tv
48. Last tv show you watched?
currently watching Hart of Dixie
49. Invent a word and its meaning
solgim - the sparkly feeling when you have a crush on someone
i tag: @weareonejazzhand @queerlydestructive @sunsetlarry @feellikearainbow @babygater @fuckingniall @sunflower-vol14 @oneandonlyhl @softcoeurs @heyangel @louisteapot @proudandexcited only if you feel like it <3 also if i didnt tag you and you want to please do and tag me
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I got this wonderful list from @hyunsu-jung
Original Post: here!
Not that anyone cares,but I thought this would be fun!!
Character's Name: Dolores Moore
Part I: Let's Start at the Beginning...
1. What's your name?
"Mrs.Dolores Moore"
2. Give me your full name...
*sighs* "Dolores Lily Moore "
3. Do you have a nickname? If yes, what is it and how did you come to have it?
"The only nickname that comes to mind , at the moment, is what mr. Brown, my uncle if you will,calls me. He seems really keen on calling me Dolly, no matter how annoying I find the subject. "
4. What species are you? (Human, werewolf, etc? Or are you an alien?)
"I am quite certain that I am a human. Although I must inquire..What exactly is an alien?"
5. Where were you born?
"I was born on a small farm outside the town of Blackwater, WE"
6. I see. And that would make your age...?
"25 to be exact "
7. Okay, now...are you a good guy, or a bad guy?
"I would like to consider my self a good guy. Although that matter is quite subjective ,don't you think?"
Part II: Tell Us More About Yourself...
8. How would you describe your personality?
"I consider myself quite kind-hearted and patient "
9. Would you say you're someone who can handle pressure?
"It depends on the day. Although on most days I must say I cannot."
10. Do you like to read?
"Oh yes, quite! It's one of my favourite pastimes, alongside drawing "
11. Favorite color?
"It would have to be blue, particularly the lighter shades "
12. Do you get along with others?
"I'm quite the easygoing person , I believe. "
13. Do you have any enemies?
"Not that I'm aware of"
14. How about friends?
"I used to have, back east, but I'm quite certain they must have forgotten me by now."
15. Are you patient?
"Yes,as I mentioned. I believe it to be one of my greatest qualities. "
Part III: Hypothetically...
16. Suppose that you could become any creature you know of. What would you pick, and why?
"Any creature? Well I'm aware that my answer might be quite dull and somewhat predictable but I would like to be a cat. They always fascinated me and when I was a child I used to envy their neatness. There was this one time when I was little, when I..." mrs. Moore pauses and composes herself. " I must apologise for going off topic "
17. One of your enemies in question 13 just complimented you. Response?
"While I'm not aware of any enemies, if a supposed one gave me a compliment, I would certainly politely accept it, even though it would be completely surprising for me."
18. One of your friends in Question 14 just insulted you. Response?
"Even though that would be unlikely, given that they are high society women, I would let them know I was offended "
19. If you could change anything about yourself...
"One thing that I would change about myself, given the opportunity, would be my submissive nature. I find that aspect of me quite annoying sometimes. I think it hinders my advance as a person."
20. About your home...
"I've had several during my life, so I'll give a brief description of all of them. My childhood home was a beautiful farmhouse in California. I remember the beautiful golden hue , the sunset would give the wheat fields my parents had. My husband's house in New York, is a stunning manor,so big that I used to get lost in when I first got there. Lastly my current residence is a two story cottage my uncle, mr. Brown and some workers he hired built. While it is nowhere near my last residence in size, I've grown to love it. It is still in the process of being decorated though. "
Part IV: Now We Get Personal
21. What're your parents like?
"My parents... Well they both were great people. Caring, loving and very much in love with each other till the end. "
22. Do you have any siblings?
" I guess I can say I had. My brother...My poor brother John. He has been missing for some time now."
23. What's your occupation?
"At the moment I do not work. Although I have been a housemaid in the past."
24. I see, that's a good job to have. Do you like it?
" I did not enjoy being a housemaid at all."
25. Are you seeing/dating anyone?
"No , not at the moment... "
26. Married/Engaged/Other?
*Dolore's eyes water a little at the sound of this question*
" I was married, yes. To a lovely man, John Moore. "
27 If yes, how did you meet?
" I used to work as a housemaid at his estate. We fell in love and the rest is history. "
28. Tell us your biggest secret.
"I'm sorry but I dont think it's quite appropriate to admit something like that."
29. Your worst fear? You don't have to answer this one if you don't want to.
" I am very afraid of losing what family I have left."
30. Favorite food?
" it is more of a dessert than a food, but I am very fond of apple pies"
30. Favorite drink?
" That would be chilled champagne, without a doubt."
31. Tell us one thing you're the most proud of.
"I guess my hat pin collection "
32. Something embarrassing? You don't have to answer this one, either.
" Well.." she hesitates, thinking " I believe it's rather embarrassing that I am afraid of the dark!"
33. If you didn't answer Questions 29 and/or 33, tell me why.
" I did answer, so I guess I do not have to answer this one!"
34. Is that a good reason?
" and this one neither "
Part VI: Closing
35. Are you satisfied with your life?
"Truly I cannot say. Sometimes I think I've lived life to the fullest, other times I think my life is living me, if that makes sense."
36. Anything you feel like you have to do? It can be something long-term, like a bucket list, or something you need to do right now.
"I do believe I should finish my embroidery project sometime!!"
37. Any hobbies?
"I must saythat I enjoy riding. I've been riding since childhood and ,although not perfect, I try to do it as often as possible. That and listening to any stories my unclehas to share about lawmen. These people always fascinated me. "
38. Quick, you get one wish! What did you just wish for? It's alright, you can tell me...
" I wished for my husband and brother to be here with me"
39. How would you describe that wish? Good? Bad? Selfish? Selfless? Other?
" I guess it can be seen as selfish, given the fact that wherever they are now, it can't be worse than this Earth. "
40. Have you been honest with these questions?
" Yes, an improper amount. "
41. Your personal quote?
"Perhaps it is our imperfections that make us perfect for one another "- Jane Austen. "
42. Do you like change?
"Even though I'm reluctant to pursue it at first, I do like change when it comes."
43. What's your most valued possession?
* Dolores rummages through her bag*
" This pocket watch . It belonged to my father."
44. Anything else you feel like sharing?
"Nothing comes to mind , at the moment. "
50. Last question! How do you feel?
" I must say this has been a quite enjoyable experience for me, so I must confess I feel delighted!"
#oc: dolores#rdo oc#red dead online#rdo#red dead redemption#western#western rp#i guess?#anyway here have an interview of her#if anybody cares#victorian#victorian rp
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outdoors
prompt: I NEED TO SEE BORROWER ROOMMATES KAREN AND AARON okay dont YELL bEAR mg borrower (roommates) au
"Aaron, you ready?"
I look up to see Karen hoving at the doorway.
"Yeah." I finish shoving the last of my tools into my bag. We're going outside to borrower today. It's nice to get the fresh air and some plants for the 'apartment'. We don't go outside often, but when we do it's a full day activity.
Yeah.
Day.
As much as I hate being in broad daylight, it's safer when it's bright out then at night.
Outdoor borrowing 101.
"Let's go." I say, stepping out of my 'room'. Karen follows close behind.
Its a pretty big trek to the outside, especially when your home in the walls is in the center of the house. We move diligently, avoiding paths we know have bugs.
From what we've gathered about this house is its owned by the George's and its fucking huge.
They got an extension on the house about a year ago, almost exposing our home. The dad is always on the phone bragging how it's 'the biggest fucking house in the neighborhood'. Which, yeah, a nice flex for you, but for the tiny people in your walls our lives are so much harder now.
I met Karen a couple of months after I was left to my own devices. My childhood friend and I went in opposite directions. I was alone and scared. So was Karen. We were nomadic for a while. Not rouge, just- struggling to find the right place. To many pets, not a predictable schedule, getting caught-
We struggled a lot before finding this house.
There's a small hole in the side of the house that we leave from. If it ever got fixed we'd be locked in the house forever. It's our only exit as far as we're aware.
"Wait-" I step in front of Karen, peaking outside. There doesn't seem to be any animals or more importantly, humans walking around.
This is the side of the house closest to the neighboring building. Like- I'm talking small alleyway in between the two houses where there is no sun. It's maybe four human feet but I'm not humans so exact measurements are lost on me.
Nobody goes back here so the grass grows tall despite lack of sunlight. Karen and I split up a bit to grab things.
There aren't many options in a damp alleyway but we make it work.
I maneuver my way around plants and bigger rocks, mindful of any bugs. They can get big out here. And fucking scary. Sometimes when we split up and Karen see one she'll-
A familiar scream cuts off my thoughts.
Yep.
She'll do that.
I rush towards the sound but stop dead in my tracks when I see Karen cornered by- two other borrowers?
What?
A girl about Karen's hight with curly brown hair and a boy towering over both of them.
"What's going on?" I yell without even thinking.
All three borrowers turn to me. Karen visibly relaxes while the other two look confused.
"What are you doing borrowing here?" The boy asks.
"This is where we borrow," I state, pointing to the house behind us.
"Why is there screaming? Do you want to get caught?" A voice asks from behind a clump of glass. Its pushed out of the way and standing there is a third borrower. Something about her is familiar.
"Look." The curly-haired girl says, pointing to me and Karen. Karen rushes over to me.
"We didn't mean any harm." She raises her hands in defense.
The new girl glares at me. It's not a look of anger, rather confusion. I can't help but feel like I'm being judged.
Karen continues. "Aaron and I were just looking for-"
"Aaron?!" The girl cuts Karen off, eyes lighting up. "Oh my god."
Why is she so familiar? Something about her just feels like a warm childhood presence. Like- I don't feel threatened at all, but I should. Its a total stranger.
"Janis, what's your problem?" The boy shoots. The girl deflates slightly but the smile doesn't fade off her face.
Wait.
Holy shit.
Wait a fucking-
"Janis?!"
"Karen!"
We all look towards the blonde. She smiles. "Introductions! These two already clearly know each other. So I'm Karen!"
The curly-haired girl smiles a bit ."I'm Gretchen and this is Kevin. You seem to already know Janis."
"Yeah, wait-" Kevin speaks up. "How do you guys already know each other?"
Janis smiles walking over to me. "When I was little my mother and her roommates both had kids at the same time. We grew up together and learned all our borrowing skills together. But when we left to grow and fight on our own, we obviously lost touch." She pulled me into a hug. "Nice to see you again, Aaron." She whispers.
"Aww, that's actually really cute!" Gretchen says in aw. "A mini-reunion."
I smile. "Yeah. I missed you, J. What are you a rouge borrower now? What are you doing out here?"
Janis makes a face. "I'd die before going rogue. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but stationary born and raised, yknow? We actually live in that house!"
She points to the building literally next door.
"Are you kidding me?" I ask. "For how long?!"
Janis shrugs. "Maybe three years now? Living in the walls, borrowing at night, staying hidden-"
Kevin laughs a little and Gretchen elbows him. I feel like I'm missing part of an inside joke but I don't push.
"What about you, A?" Janis asks. "You and your roommates causing any trouble?"
"No, actually. You were always the reckless one."
"Some things must never change," Kevin remarks.
"I've gotten better." Janis holds her hands up in defense. "You didn't know child Janis."
"Don't think I want to if she was worse then right now."
Kevin and Janis continue to bicker and Gretchen walks over to me and Karen.
"They will do this all day." She sighs. "Imagine living with them."
Karen laughs. "I'm feeling very lucky about my roommate."
"Got room for one more?" Gretchen jokes.
"Guys!" Karen cried out, pointing behind Kevin and Janis.
A cat was stalking over. Clearly in the mood to play.
I reach to grab my hook but Janis holds her hands up.
"Don't attack!"
She walks over to the cat and-
Why the fuck is she walking over to the cat?
"Hey, Ariel!" She cooes, placing her hand on the cat's nose. The cat lays down obediently.
"What the fuck?" The words are out of my mouth before I can even question it.
Kevin shrugs. "We don't know how she does it either."
"It comes in handy to befriend a cat. Fast travels baby." Janis grins, sitting in front of the cat. "Meet Ariel. If you walk over slowly she won't attack."
"I don't like those odds, J," I say. "I'll stay over here."
"Suit yourself." Janis shrugs.
"C'mon," Gretchen says softly, grabbing Karen's hand. "Ariel won't attack with Janis there. I swear shes some kind of cat tamer."
"It's called cat treats," Janis says. "I bought her trust."
I watch tentatively as Karen pets the cat. She gasps. "Aaron, Ariel is so soft."
"I'm sure," I say without moving.
Something gives me the feeling that Karen and I won't get much borrowing done today. But to know J had been so close this whole time? I felt stupid for not figuring out sooner, but glad that it isn't much trek to see her and her roommates.
Besides, a guard cat isn't so bad of an idea.
Karen and Gretchen seem to be getting along and as Kevin stood next to me I didn't find myself too opposed to the idea of another boy around.
Maybe knowing our borrower neighbors wasn't such a bad thing.
@realmisspolarbear @musicallygt @smallsoysauce @sourishlemons
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Hi, I posted an ask on lovelybluepanda and you reply saying that you have been in the same situation and you found some things that make it better. Please, I really would use some tips.
Hi! First of all know that you are not alone, you can contact me any time you want.
I hope those will work out for you
1. When i am in class, I pretend that i am a spy on a secret mission. So i have to blend in perfectly, even a smalleat suspicion can cause my death. When i have to speak this really helps
2. Keep something that makes you feel at home on your desk. For example i put my old toy which reminds me of my childhood. That way you can remember that what you are going through is temporary, and it will pass.
3. After the lessons do something that makes you happy. After every online class, i reward myself with a tiny piece of chocolate. So during class when it gets boring i tell myself to be patient and i remember that there is chocolate waiting for me.
4. I watch short videos. So i really like the office and it always makes me smile, before entering a class that makes me anxious, i watch a short office video (my fave one is where are the turtles)
If you have a comfort show you can do this before class, it really helped me. If you dont, you can watch baby videos, cat videos etc. Whatever that has a positive impact on you.
5. I recently discovered this, the place you enter class really makes a difference. I used to close the curtains and face the wall but now i open all the curtains, make sure there is enough light in the room , and make sure you can see outside while you are in class. I rearranged my desk so i can watch outside when im in class. It makes it a lot better.
6. Make sure that you are in touch with your loved ones. The days i dont talk to anyone make me really tired and i usually get lost in my own thoughts. Talking with a person you love makes you feel more motivated. And will keep you anxiety-free for a while.
And lastly , think about a big dream, a goal you have. The lessons will help you reach your goals, learning is hard but its worth it at the end. The best treasure is knowledge. You can talk to me anytime you want. Sending my best wishes 💕
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Victorian Candies
or: i have too much time on my hands and suffer from insomnia
pardon any spelling errors, this was written at 2:30 in the morning and i am dead. my eye bags are worse than the cullen’s when they haven’t fed in two weeks
also i wrote this post once before but because of a dumb mistake on my part, lost the post without saving. i do actually hate everything.
anyway
as i was writing chapter 2 of golden hour, i threw in what was supposed to be a throwaway line about guin wanting to know more about jasper, things like his favorite childhood candy
after i had written it, though, i stopped and asked myself: what would have been his favorite childhood candy? what candies were common in the mid-1850s, when jasper would have been 10-14? this, of course, was not information i needed to know. i could’ve made something up, and went on with my life without having spent like an hour doing research on victorian candy.
because i am me, though, that’s exactly what i did. because obviously my self indulgent twilight fanfiction about my self insert kissing jasper has to be as historically accurate as possible, right?
anyway. i did a quick google search about 1850s candy. the results were discouraging. apparently, mid victorian candy is not a popular topic of study, who knew?
regardless, i trudged on.
in a moment of extreme luck, i managed to find this article, which spoke a little about the history of candy and candies in the victorian era.
the article also talks a little about the history of the candy, and the most likely scenario of candy in the 1850s.
in the victorian era (or for most of it, anyway), the most common candy one could find were ‘penny candies’. penny candy was, from what i gather, generally types of hard candies one could buy in bulk. they were popular with children because of the fact that they were so inexpensive -- it likely wasn’t uncommon for children to have a penny or two to spend as they pleased. of course, this is all conjecture, so take it as you will. it also mentions that candy was often unique to it’s geographical area, which was interesting. it was usually made locally and sold locally, or brought to town by salesmen or peddlers.
what was really interesting about the article was that it mentioned a list of candies given by school children in an 1857 publication, volume 6 of The Ohio Journal of Education.
now, if bernadette banner has taught me anything, it’s that primary sources are invaluable.
so, obviously, i hunted the journal down on google scholar. i managed to find it (huzzah!).
the list of candies was under an article titled “Lessons on Common Things”. that was especially interesting to me -- it implied that the candies called out by school children (supposedly in grade 5 or so) were common knowledge at the time.
the list of candy was as follows:
“Cream, pop-corn, peppermint, molasses, rose, clove, nut
Butterscotch, sugar plums, lemon drops, lemon candy, peppermint drops, french kisses, cinnamon
Ice cream, wintergreen, sour drops, hoarhound, lavender, gum drops, vanilla
Rock, birch, cats-eye, orange, cough, kisses.”
some of these, we don’t have any idea what they were at the time -- i couldn’t find anything on cats-eye candies, and i’m unsure of what clove, nut, birch, or wintergreen are. i dont know what “cough” could refer to, either.
some of them are very familiar -- butterscotch, ice cream, peppermint, molasses, lemon drops, and gum drops are all candy we still have and eat today.
hoarhound is a treat we know about, although i don’t think it’s especially popular anymore. sugar plums are also known, but i’m unsure of their current popularity. i believe some of these -- rose, lavender, vanilla and orange -- refer to syrups flavored like those things, seeing as i think artificial flavors had been invented in the 1840s
what caught my attention was “Rock”. i was staring at my screen thinking, “what in the goddamn hell is rock?”
so, using the website mentioned earlier (this one), i clicked on the hyperlink they gave for “rock”.
it took me to a page for rock candy, and it made complete sense. of course rock referred to rock candy -- perhaps that’s how they referred to it, and the teacher simply didn’t have time to write out “candy” as well, or maybe it was commonly called “rock” or “rock sugar”, who knows.
anyway, having found this delightful list of candy from the era itself, at a time where jasper would have been around 13, i was once again faced with my original question: what would have been his favorite candy as a child?
after deliberating for a while, i decided that he wouldn’t have liked especially sweet things. i decided that his favorite candies were lemon drops -- sweet and sour -- and peppermint sticks.
and then, because i’ve always imagined jasper with a little sister he adored and who adored him, i decided that she would’ve like rock candy and sugar plums.
guin, of course, likes more modern candy -- butterscotch disks, now and laters, and sour skittles.
anyway. this is the story of how i ended up with historically accurate candy preferences for a fictional vampire.
the real humor here is that i do more goddamn research for my silly fanfiction than smeyer did for her actual published novel. hahahahahahahahaaa *cries*
#nonsense#twilight saga#twilight fanfiction#historical accuracy#research#candy#jasper#beth#guin#i really did do this research to decide on candy#of course#in a certain scene in chapter two i decide to totally chuck historical accuracy out the window in the name of Romance(tm) but#oh well#i now know more about victorian candy than i ever though i would need to#i should go to sleep#i am very tired
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