#i literally wrote a fanfic about this feeling and then sent it to the person it was about. and told them it was about them. no regrts ^_^

[im-a-silly-goose]

genuinely wanting be someones caregiver after platonically falling in love with them is SUCH a feeling actually. i havent felt this way since the summer when i had just turned 13 and i. . did not remember how caring and lovefilled that feeling is!!! but i love it so much its such a sweet feeling :3c

[joeyalohadream]

Hi me again.

I saw your post about how you received a negative anon message and was hoping you didn’t mean me? I sent you an ask about how much I loved your clegan childhood best friends idea (like literally can’t stop thinking about it) and just suggested that you could give the idea to another great writer in the fandom. I think it’s just as cool to be the idea maker sometimes and I wasnt insulting you.

I really do love your writing but you do take a long time to post new stuff and that particular idea is just everything to me so I don’t want it to be in limbo.

like you posted a bit of an angsty story the other day and got people excited and now you haven’t mentioned it again. Just don’t want that to happen to the childhood story cause it’s such a good idea.

sorry for rambling I just had to come back and say sorry if I’m the anon that made you feel bad. Wasn’t my intention..

Sorry everyone that reads this but I'm taking some of Swifty's backbone for a minute and answering a negative anon. Hiding my response below the cut so you can scroll past without seeing my drama if you'd like...

---

Of course it was your message that I was referring to.

In this fandom, full of the most wonderfully kind people I've ever interacted with, your message was the only negative one I've ever received. The fact that you could send that message, and now this one and somehow not understand that you're being incredibly hurtful is beyond me.

I wasn't going to respond to this message at all, just like I didn't respond to the first one you sent (just flat out deleted that one), but someone posted about my 'childhood friends au' today and brought it all back.

I checked out library books for research for that story and wrote the most detailed outline of any story I've ever thought up. And after your message, I returned the books and scrapped the story because you made me feel like garbage.

You flat out told me to give my idea to a specific writer in the Mota fandom that would 'turn it into a masterpiece'. You and I can agree on the fact that the writer you mentioned is one of the most talented fanfic writers around. They are. But to be so blatantly rude to me about my own writing and to call it 'advice'? Come on. You have to know you're being an asshole.

I'm a kind person. I'm also sensitive and hate confrontation and it even makes my stomach hurt to respond to this message because I don't like being unkind to ANYONE. I work two jobs. I work 60 hours a week most weeks. The fact that I find time to write anything is something I'm proud of and you calling me 'inconsistent' is just absolutely unempathetic.

Since you keep choosing to remain anonymous, this is the only way I can know I reach you to tell you this:

If you follow me, unfollow me. Don't interact with my posts. Don't read my stories. And stay the hell out of my inbox.

[seeingivy]

method acting asks

an: I can't believe I still get these

this is literally so funny to me. taylor as gojo stan u always make me giggle it makes me so happy to see u in my inbox. im so glad u liked it, it makes me feel all types of ways!

@elliesbabygirl super random but im the president of the neuroscience society at my school and i gave an entire talk about parasocial relationships and the neuro basis of that recently and for some reason??? the crowd started asking me about fanfics HAHA. and while i admit some of the concerns i started like vehemently defending them because i think when they're done right they can really hit people and be really moving because it's personalized

(basically this ask is an affirmation that i'm right and even if im not i guess i just have a parasocial relationship with a 2d drawing and that's who i am)

hehe im so excited for the upcoming chapters of canary mate. i have to build things up but EEPPPPP im so excited for the reveal already (fun fact: ive been hinting at how its going to happen already!)

ahhh a masters in psychology is so exciting!!! I hope you are so so proud of all of your hardwork. it takes so much to do that and i can't wait for it to all feel full circle to you (im graduating from undergrad in the spring and im already in reflecting mode.

also is this how i realize i don't follow you im going to go like combust in a puddle now this is so embarrassing

@deusfoundry btw the other ask u sent also persuaded me to ignore the poll i made and attempt to answer your request bc I KNOW you've been asking for it since i wrote that chapter last year.

levi when he's dad but not dad. oh levi. and sorry they're ALL going to call her sweetheart. that's THEIR collective sweetheart actually i don't make the rules. (yes I do)

hi!!! i want to thank you for existing right back. and for sending me this ask when i needed it. at the time i was writing that chapter i wasn't at that point at all, but now i am, and it's severely meta to have something i wrote as advice to myself.

the transitionary period is hard. getting denied from things you worked for is hard. thinking about how people can leave whenever and you can't really control that AND you can't really take that pain away from someone else when someone important does leave is really hard. lots of thoughts going on in the ronnie verse and i am patiently waiting for the point that where i know im out of this and somehow glad that i went through it bc i learned something about myself and people and love and all that.

(wishing the same for you soon my friend)

the words of encouragement mean the world!!! i hope you have a lovely day/night/life.

@deusfoundry everything they do. the venice pics. the concerts. the blowing the kiss during the concert. yeah.

@stillnotherapy I love this video of him. I love them. I am manifesting the day that this will be me.

(it's the same video as the last one) and yeah.

[kafka-ohdear]

a bit of rambling about one of my experience on social media, which was reminded to me by this post. this is just me ranting and not saying that the original poster is wrong.

when i was in around sixth grade, i joined a fandom. basically it was small in my country, and almost everyone knew each other so we just send/accept friend requests. and then there was this girl, who was 17 at the time, she sent a friend request to me and i accepted it like usual. she dm-ed me randomly without even any proper greeting and just keep talking nonsense. i was literally a kid and thought it was me being too strict about it. time went on and she didn't stop, not only that, she crossed an awfully lot of boundaries. there was probably more than once she told me about her mother knowing that she was masturbating even though she knew she was texting a minor.

unfortunately it doesn't stop there either. she wrote a fanfic about people (the fans) in that fandom and shipping them without consent, no matter how weird and irritating the person involved was feeling. she started to call me randomly to rant on whatever she liked to talk about and would press the call button again until i accept the call. later on i found out my mutual friends with her were being bothered by her just like i was, she even fantasised about being pregnant with another friend of her that she has only interacted online and give up her virginity for the idol. in the end, turns out that around >30 other people were disturbed and harrassed by her, and she had been offline from social media since people decided to speak up about this matter without any proper apology.

so, now i'm really glad to see someone texting me with the phrase "sorry for bothering you" or things similar, because it says that they at least have some common sense and respect my boundaries. idk what's wrong about saying "sorry for dm without consent" but i'd rather talk to a person that greets me with that phrase than one that just slides into my dm to say some chickenshits + force me to listen to them and then disappear forever. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[inconspicious-random-thoughts]

A radical theory

I wrote a post a bit of go that Alastor may have daddy issues. Which is why he was at odds at Lucifer. Along with targeting men when he feels all murdery.

In the same episode we learned that Alastor sold his soul...So we are learning a lot about Alastor in this episode...unfortunately it gave more questions than answers.

I don't think this Headcanon/theory is valid I'm about to suggest because I find it interesting. Maybe someone already came up with it, but in case not. We all assume Alastor master would be some super insane powerful demon. Which tbh probably is. But what if, the reason Alastor stupidly dealt his soul away was to someone not so much powerful, but personal. What if Alastor master is his own father. His father was surely sent to hell before him. I assumed Alastor killed him himself.

Alastor, not really knowing the ways of Hell since he literally just been dumped in. One does not know the customs of a foreign country that one unexpectedly find themselves in, right? Hell, would be a huge adjustment of learning. So when it came to his father finding him...He was a bit naive about things, and maybe (self loathingly) hoped or yarned his father love andhe changed? His father being abusive manipulator in life continues in Hell. But he managed to trick Alastor. "I was a shitty father/person in life. But then you killed me and I had time to realize my mistakes but It's too late for me to do anything about it because you know, you killed me. But I can help you here, protect you. We're blood. Hell is not a forgiving place...but I can be. I just need you to trust me with your soul..."....?

Alastor was naturally hesitant and probably out right refused. Perhaps his father set up a situation where Alastor was quickly out of element being fresh meat in Hell. Coming to his rescue at the last second that Alastor is forced to accept. I don't know, I'm making shit up on the fly to get this crazy thought out.

It can help explain why Alastor became so powerful so quickly when he fell into Hell. His prefered company of woman, How being leashed is such touchy subject and driving him to the edge.(Okay, that would upset anyone), but the one holding the leash in Hell is the man he loathed in his before life, and now he can't escape it in Hell. That shit will drive him up a wall! At least in life he can escape briefly, hell, he even killed him. Now he can't do either.

The only real flaw I find in this is I get the vibe that Alastor father wouldn't be immensely clever. Not clever enough to trick souls to become powerful enough to make Alastor that powerful to take down overlords. But maybe that why it works? The father not losing out much if Alastor quickly fell. But his father won his gamble, and Alastor practiced calculating precise killing tipped the scales in his favor. Now he has Alastor as a weapon and defender that can not be used against him.

It crazy enough that it can work. I don't think it is. But it may make a fun angst fanfic if anyone up for it.

[xycuro-illuminati]

Why didn’t you like the current Daredevil run?

I'll do a speed round here we go:

- Horrible character assassination on everyone especially Matt and Elektra.

- Zdarsky was v clearly inspired by the mcu Netflix show so the run had a severe case of mcu-ification

- The way he wrote women was atrocious (examples: Elektra, Kirsten, Mindy, literally everyone else)

- The shitty retcon to Elektra's backstory going from the sheltered sweet girl that loved her father sm that when he died it broke her to the point of grief and revenge that she became an assassin and it shattered her worldview to the stupid fucking backstory the mcu tried pulling of her being a spy sent by the Hand to recruit Matt.

- Whitewashed Kirsten AND gave her blue eyes

- the obnoxious way of how Matt was written in terms of religion to the point where he went from caricature to straight up crusader colonizer preaching

- Matt is so horrible in this run this is the most OOC he's ever been it legit feels like reading an mcu dd fanfic from someone who barely watched the show and only took word of fanon and saw gifsets

- Zdarsky tried grabbing story plots from previous runs and executed them horribly to the point where he only grabbed the worst shit from it (the ableism, infantalization, and sexual assault)

- Daredevil Elektra as a concept; it doesn't work. I'm sorry, cool outfit and all, but the Daredevil mantle isn't like the Spider-Man one where anyone can wear the mask. Daredevil was specifically for Matt to process his trauma of losing his father and used it to gain justice where the system would fail for his city. His upbringing fits the mantle and the only person who would fit that mantle is Sam Chung. With Elektra it doesn't work and it's on par with the whole "wife takes the husband's last name" but worse. My friend @thosemintcookies has made better points about this.

- Whitewashed Sam Chung and made him just sit at a cave waiting for the Beast or some shit

- Speaking of the Beast, the Hand being the big bad guys of the whole run sucks. Can we leave the Hand behind please the ninja clan isn't the ultimate dd villain.

- Foggy is just there. He doesn't do much and he's just THERE. It sucks. And he throws around the term catholic guilt for no fucking reason. The guilt Matt feels is regular guilt please shut the fuck up Zdarsky.

- Brought back Mike Murdock and did some decent writing on him only to kill him off. Cool, what was the whole point of that.

- Pulled a gotcha on making us think that zdarsky killed off Kirsten in a train explosion but it turned out she was fine which was so foul. Daredevil comics are NOTORIOUS for fridging female characters so that shit was just unacceptable idc argue with a wall.

- Checcetto's art style sucks I'm gonna be honest. The novelty of it being pretty ended v quickly as soon as he drew poc and holy shit he cannot draw them nor can he draw any other expression.

- Did I mention the ableism? And the infantalization? And the fetishization of Matt's disability? No? Okay well this post covers it all here.

- It gets into racist territory too with how they write Sam and the Hand

- This romantic mattelektra agenda makes my skin itch they're not romantic they're tragic their whole deal is that they could never go back to how they were as lovebirds in college. Soule broke up Kirsten and Matt and they kept it like that for this shlop I'm gonna kill you zdarsky and I'm making Elektra a lesbian now.

- Back to Elektra's character; zdarsky takes the cake in "Let's make Elektra's whole life and character revolve around Matt and Matt only". Making her quit her ways and making Matt treat her like shit by calling her a murderer despite the fact that in previous runs he would NEVER do that and has ACCEPTED that this is who Elektra is.

- Speaking of the murderer shit; Matt is a huge hypocrite in this run and not in a good or fun way. Homeboy got rescued by the other Defenders but then got mad and called them murderers bc they've admitted to killing people and it's the most fanficy thing I've ever read. Zdarsky, did you know. That Matt has known Jessica, Luke, and Danny for years now? Did you know that he already knows that they've killed people before? Did you know that he's teamed up with killers plenty of times (see: Elektra, Natasha, Frank Castle) and doesn't make a big shit about it? Did you know that Matt has killed people before in previous runs?? Did you know that zdarsky?? Bc it's clear he doesn't know.

- Whenever Spider-Man shows up Zdarsky writes him better than anyone in the run and this is a Daredevil run mind you

- Shitty ass writing. Shitty plot bc we've seen it all and there's nothing done. OOC on everyone. Misogynistic writing at its finest. Whitewashed characters. Stupid religious pandering bs that only the mcu girlies would like. Terrible run overall.

@thosemintcookies @froggynelson @faacethefacts @xuanelle @daresplaining @evileyeamulet

Feel free to add more or elaborate more on my post I'm giving yall the stage if you want it.

[katyspersonal]

(Responding remaining asks for the ask post in a bundle)

Thank you 🥺 But hey, you only won't have more Soulsborne knowledge than me with THIS attitude!! You gotta believe in yourself! XD

_____________________

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! Also I feel like I know who you are XD

That guy, honestly.. I remember giving him some thoughts and analysis that I am still proud of even back in time before I was aware of finer details and translation errors. He felt like someone very real and full of nuances even in my "sounds like creep" era, and then first character I wrote a good analysis on! I take credit for popularising the knowledge about English localisation completely skewing him, because despite LP's document being in access for years nobody fished out THOSE details from it until me!! It took deliberate searching with the purpose of learning THE character!!!! 😎

I miss my more "unalloyed" version of Gehrman though, such a real cold dead-inside man, saved and adopted from abusive house but with the demons inside left forever, whose lack of empathy made him perfect hunter and whose sole true positive emotion in life was meeting Maria but then he took a massive L fsdhdsh I blame @fantomette22 for softening my general perception of him though by just standing there!!! You and your soft ass! GET OVER HERE-

_____________________

^ This one was sent during me typing this post! Thank you very much, this is a lot of praise.. т.т I am self-conscious about my art and feel like the only way to improve is to get a teacher, which can't be organised any time soon, but I am happy you enjoy it as it is still!

(and I am sure your personality is great as well <:3 )

_____________________

Which 'hot' takes? My takes at cooking that chicken @heraldofcrow JUST right? Well this makes sense I guess dfshhsd

fdjhshdsf okay seriously, thank you XD I am not good at dignified, intelligent way of describing my theories that sounds like telling a sad tale or a scary legend that I see some people do both in text and podcasts.. Hell, some of such posts sound like small fanfics! And I sure as hell don't want to accidentally slip into the unapproachable, humourless "let me educate you peasants" tone (it is hard to not even notice)! So the only option left for me as a wordy kind of loredigger was to unleash my inner clown!! I heard people say that adding jokes and cursed memes in the middle of sharing a theory is actually relaxing, so I am glad I am this way <:3

Also really not tryna become a "contrarian" kind of user, we do NOT have a shortage of blogs that throw a shade at the fandom trust me! But what do I do when I also have a lot to say... 🙄 Aren't we all just people who desperately try to not be Hunters until beasts come at OUR doorstep?

_____________________

This is what you see in a Petri dish you've put me in after 2 minutes:

Yes I know I used this image today already you just made it VERY hard to not do it again sdhhfsdsd Anyways, thank you!!

_____________________

Thank you! I hope you still like them!!

I'd actually say that anyone can make really unique headcanons and interpretations! My secret is actually to minimise exposure to the takes in the fandom until I've came up with my idea to offer! It helps me to jump into a metaphorical pillowfort with @val-of-the-north when a character or a question interests us and brainstorm the ideas; I do the suggestions, intuition, right questions and imagination part, whereas he does finding the most obscure gameplay consequences, finds obscure images from the furthest corners of the internet and remembers literally every detail that could help or debunk like a supercomputer! *sets the 'days since praising Val on public' counter back to 0 AGAIN fhsdhds*

THEN I hop on Tumblr and offer my idea and look what other people say (with rare exceptions about smaller things). Key word is, 'THEN'! I've met many people who were shocked when I informed them that what they assumed was canon in fact was just a popular fanon! Many people make the same mistake: they see many people doing [thing] and just assume it has to be legit then and never double check for selves! This ensures less variety of interpretations with all (designs, ships, story, portrayals and takes) which is a bit disheartening! Just remember to 1) look at the source material with clear eyes, only consulting wikis and reference videos, for example to know about questline or item you've missed 2) communicate with the fandom about a topic when you DO have your own idea already, this will me mutually enriching for both and 3) never simply take majority's word as canon! And then you will be like me! x)

You will ALSO be like me if you add Spongebob meme within a serious theory and organise dash wars with your mutuals but that's for another story fdshfhsd

[reikurusu]

So this may be a bit weird, but I would like to get some people's opinions on a personal matter.

I'm going to put it under a read more so people who aren't interested don't have to scroll through it, and because I think this might get a bit lenghty... (Edit after writing: it did)

So in no way are you obligated to read this, obviously, but if you do, feel free to give me your opinion because I could use some different insights.

Thanks!

Okay, so...

Like, 15 years ago, I met a couple of people online because we were all hardcore into a tv show. We had a group chat and I'm pretty sure everyone had individual chats as well.

In this group, there was this guy who I started talking to a lot and over the course of a few years, he pretty much became my best friend. He lived in a neighbouring country, was a year older than me and we really became very close. We talked every single day, all throughout the day, during evenings, constantly.

We could talk about everything, literally everything. We were both nerdy and into similar tv shows that we would watch together on screenshare could theorise for hours. He'd introduce me to video games that we would play with other friends and all.

We would send each other gifts for birthdays. He would read the stupid fanfics I wrote based on tv shows we both loved. I made him an entire, like, "subscription box" with a lot of things from all the fandoms he was into during lockdown because I just wanted to be busy and I really enjoy these kinds of things. I helped him financially when he got screwed over by a friend, he paid it back when he could. When his childhood dog died, I sent him a painted rock with his dog's name on it to put on the grave, something my family does for our pets when they die.

Just, actual best friend. Always there for each other.

Of course we had our ups and downs. We had arguments from time to time. I'm not the best communicator because I always think things are obvious and get annoyed when people don't understand things, which led to miscommuncation. And we're both stubborn so whenever we had an argument, we never wanted to be the one to take the first step to apologize until one of us finally caved.

In general, we always made up.

But... of course, boy-girl friendship, so many people would insinuate things. Friends of his, friends of mine, his mum, friends of my mum,... Which made things confusing because we were really close but were we more than friends? Or did one of us feel more than the other? Did both of us? We sometimes talked about it but were both like, "I don't think so?"

We never met in real life. We also never talked on the phone or in video call or voice chatted while gaming or something similar. We just never did. It just grew that way that we just chatted. We'd sent some photos a few years into the friendship (when we were like 15-16), maybe a few during the years after that, but never really sent pictures. We were both not into that because we're both quite insecure about ourselves. I mean, I know I am, but when I told him that, he said he felt that way as well. So yeah, never an issue tbh.

But the issues did start...

Skip to very late 2022, very early 2023 when he suddenly, after like 13 years, told me that he'd lied about his age. He turned out to be a year younger than me (so 2 years younger than he'd claimed to be). He told me he did it everywhere because way back when we met, he told people he was a bit older to be taken more seriously.

And I got mad.

Not because of the age difference, what do I care. But about the fact that he lied about it for so many years??

He'd told all his online friends, so it wasn't like he had lied just to me, but I felt betrayed because I thought I was a step ahead of his other friends and that he would've told me the truth before them.

Besides that, I also kind of have trust issues. So when someone you consider to be your best friend for over 10 years suddenly tells you they'd been lying to you all this time... Not fun.

And things escalated from there.

I got mad for being lied to all this time (for the act of being lied to. Like I said, the age difference really doesn't matter, but the fact that he lied about it for so long. Like, I'd wish him a happy xth birthday every year, so every year he made the conscious decision to not tell the truth. That's what bothered me).

I got mad about when I told him I told a mutual friend (one from the original group that I still talked to but he didn't), he got mad because he wanted to tell that group himself, which made me feel like I couldn't talk about it with anyone.

I got mad that he sent me reactions from other friends (people I didn't know) of how they reacted to him telling the truth about his age, which made me feel like I wasn't allowed to be annoyed by it because "look, no one else is making a problem out of this".

I told him all of this and eventually we got into a huge argument. And it got really ugly.

I told him that he couldn't see my side of things in the whole thing and that he made me feel like crap because I felt like I was the only one making a problem out of it. And because he was mad I told someone he "knew" (but didn't talk to anymore) about the lie, I told him I felt like I had to bottle up how I felt about it.

He eventually snapped at me that I was a very selfish person. That it always had to be the things I enjoyed, never the things he liked. Something he had never brought up before. Something I didn't understand because I truly felt like we did a lot of things he enjoyed as well, like certain tv shows, games... (not saying I'm not at fault here, because in hindsight he was kind of right about it, I just never realised it because he never brought it up).

He sent all this in a long message, in which he told me he didn't want to be friends anymore. He asked me if there was anything I wanted back (of the gifts I'd sent him over the years) and told me that there was nothing that he'd sent that he wanted back.

I didn't reply to the message anymore.

I blocked and deleted him everywhere. Discord, his phone number, e-mail. Blocked and deleted him on Steam. Really any place or platform I could think of, I blocked him.

I was done.

He didn't want to be friends anymore. He told me I was a selfish person after everything I'd done for him when his other friends wouldn't. I was so pissed. So I didn't want anything to do with him anymore. And for me it's easier to completely block and delete a person; that way I can't contact them myself anymore. Just, cold turkey.

Which of course wasn't easy. You can't just throw away all those years and just move on from it. But having deleted him did make it easier because I had no way of reaching out.

I talked about it with the one friend I told about the age difference and she would often compare him to a narcissistic ex of hers. How she always had a bad feeling about him. Which is helpful when you're mad at someone. It sort of helped me villainise him.

So I tried to move on. Some days it was easier than others. Other days were really annoying because he has a name that you see fcking everywhere. So everytime I saw his name somewhere, I got reminded to all of it and so on and so forth.

But yeah, I didn't reach out. Neither did he (because he literally couldn't reach me). And I slowly accepted the fact that we weren't friends anymore and each went our own way.

Skip to end of August 2023, like 9 months later.

I opened Whatsapp to message a friend and saw that I had a message from an unknown number. I immediately saw that it was a number from the neighbouring country and just knew that it was him.

He asked if we could talk. I took a while to reply because I didn't know what to say. Because part of me was done with it all and had started to be used to not having him in my life, but part of me was also curious what he had to say. So after a few hours I replied telling him, sure, let's talk.

So he sent a long message apologizing for what he'd said and that he should've handled things differently and that he understands if I didn't want to talk to him anymore, but that he just wanted me to know all of it because he didn't want me to believe the things he'd said (kind of too late for that because now every time I talk about my stuff to friends, I have this voice in my head that goes "see, it has to be about you again, just like he said").

I told him this and we sent a couple of long messages explaining our points of views and how we felt about what happened and how we both could've handled things differently (I know that he's not the only one to blame. I have trust issues, am a chronic overthinker and am bad at communicating, hence why we often had miscommunication and arguments).

Either way, we eventually started talking again. Talked about what had happened in the time we didn't talk. I talked about my new job, he told me about a bunch of things he'd been up to (which included starting to go out to clubs, drinking, use several dr*gs to calm his stressed mind, which I kind of understand but am really not a fan of... but sure). After we started talking, he also suffered a brain injury from a fall for which he had to stay in the hospital for a while and which obviously influenced his life in several ways.

We fell back into old habits. Talking, watching shows together, gaming and it was nice. We did have little arguments from time to time, but I feel like we both tried a lot harder to not have it escalate like before.

But then I'd started having a hard time at work and other things and just having a bit of a mental slump, which I wanted to talk/rant about. He wanted to hear me out, but he took a while to reply because of stuff at work. And because of what he said before, about it always being about me, which got stuck in my head, I didn't want to immediately talk about my stuff, but his stuff instead. He did ask multiple times about what had happened, but I didn't want to reply to it before he'd explained what was going on with his work because I was scared of being selfish again.

Eventually, I didn't end up telling him about my stuff, not because I didn't want to, but because of what I said before about being scared that I'd come across as selfish again. Like I said, he did ask about it on multiple occasions, so it's really on me here. But by the time he had explained what had happened at work and all, I wasn't in my slump anymore. And when he asked why I didn't want to talk about it anymore, we got into another argument.

I explained him how what he'd said in the past, about the selfish thing, really messed with me, which made me hold back from talking about my stuff. He told me he asked many times to tell him what had happened, which is completely true, this one is really on me and I can't blame him for anything here. But things escalated again...

I called him out about how, when we first started talking again and were sending long messages, I'd sent him a long message with a bunch of stuff that I honestly not remember anymore. But it was a very open and personal message about insecurities and owning up to mistakes I'd made towards him in the past and such. He had told me, after reading the message, that he'd need to reread it to reply to it properly. That was in October.

To this day, I still haven't received a reply to that message (and I know I never will).

So I called him out on that. I told him that he was the one who reached out initially, that I was doing relatively well without him and that it sucks that he came back only for him to not respond to my heartfelt messages (I'd been bottling the annoyance about the message up for a while). He told me that he had the intention to reply, but kept forgetting, even though I had reminded him a few times. I told him that if you care about someone, if you call them one of the most important people in your life, you don't just forget those kinds of things. Because those things should be important to you, and you don't forget important things.

I also told him that it annoyed me that when I had asked him to tell me more about some things he'd mentioned he'd done while we weren't talking (traveled to the US, met up with a group of online friends,...) he never did. This bothered me because he had accused me of always making it about me, but then when I constantly made an effort to ask about his stuff, and was genuinely interested in it, he didn't reply to it.

To this he replied that those kinds of things (the travel and all) weren't big things to him. That we talked about deeper things (true) so to him, these "normal" things meant less than our deeper conversations.

Which is very nice of him to say, but it also bothered me because you can't tell me I'm not interested in your stuff, but then when I am and am asking questions about it, not reply to it.

(I feel like I'm getting angry again, sorry)

Long story short, we didn't talk again for a few weeks.

After a while, I messaged him again. We again exchanged some long messages. And again, after I sent him a long text explaining how I felt about certain things, he told me he'd reread my message so he could reply properly. He told me a few times that he was working on his reply, to which I joked that it didn't have to be an essay.

This was a few months ago. To this day, again, I haven't received a message to my text.

So I was annoyed with that because it sucks to sent a very open and personal message and not receive a reply to it, multiple times.

I'd also told him, when I first messaged him again after that last argument, that I'd understand if he wanted to call it quits but that in that case I'd have a question for him. In his defence, he did ask about what question it was.

So I asked him what was actually going on between us. For so many years, multiple people had shipped us, we'd both make innuendo jokes and just the fact that we were so close, I told him it was confusing and wanted to hear his thoughts on it.

Instead of replying to it, he asked me how I felt about it, so I told him that it was just confusing because it was as if others saw things that we maybe didn't because we'd been so close for so long. To this he just replied, yeah, I agree, it's confusing, without really adding his take on it. But I didn't pry any further (maybe because I got tired of constantly getting half replies or no replies at all).

We still chatted a bit after that, but our last conversation had a very strange vibe. We were talking about the person who'd accidentally caused his brain injury (a friend of his) and I was kinda pissed at that person and told him I hoped they'd at least offered to help pay for medical bills and such, since they did cause the accident, but he didn't want to hear anything about that because it was an accident and his friend didn't mean to (fair, sure, but it still irks me a bit).

So it was a very loaded conversation, as if we were both trying to not cause an argument.

Eventually, I just told him ok in regards to the situation, to which he sent me a gif.

And that was three months ago.

We haven't talked since. And because of the weird vibe and in some sort of self-preservation, I blocked his number again. We could still message using other ways, but none of us did.

I think the reason I didn't is because of all the replies I didn't get. I don't know why he hasn't messaged me, but I assume he has his reasons.

Now, if you made it all the way here, holy shit?? Thanks for reading all of this and I hope you enjoyed the drama of it lol

But if you made it all the way here, I would really like your opinion on this. His birthday is coming up in a few days and... Do I reach out? Do I reach out before his birthday or on his birthday? Or are you shouting at me right now to not reach out again?

I genuinely don't know.

Part of me feels like it'd be best to just let it all go and move on, but another part of me doesn't want to give up on my best friend of 15 years.

So... Any advice? I'm open for anything...

Thanks again for reading all of this if you made it here! You're the best! <3

- Charlotte

[scummy-writes]

I am feeling nostalgic lately because I am trying to just sorta look into reasons that I write and why I struggle with some things concerning it, and in doing so I've been doing the Terrifying task of reviewing things that gave me a lot of anxiety, such as like...m*sme days.

I wrote a Lot for that fandom, I believe. A lot to me, to where if I compared it to how much I've written this past year, it feels like it wouldn't have even been a third of the writing for m*sme. I mean, I just finally broke over posting more fanfics for vamp than m*sme recently on ao3 recently, whereas m*sme had a ton of hcs and etc that I posted too, since I used to do more requests back then.

I was a part of two zines. One, i was asked to be a part of as a guest, and I have the physical version of the zine still on my bookshelf. My writin, printed out!!! With artists and writers that I enjoyed and admired, I am inbetween shared pages with them.

Another, I spearheaded with the help of friends and managed to raise almost $800 in charity for, even the company reached out and sent a nice lil RFA booklet for it.

And I've been having bouts where I think of those years and compare to Myself. Like "man, past me wrote so much, whats Wrong with me now?", "i was able to do so much more back then...", and now I sit here and analyze it even moreso.

I was quite literally the most depressed I had ever been during that timeframe. I had some awful struggles with my family, I was learning about a lot of personal struggles as well, fandom drama had me in a choke hold it felt like, I was having to live with my grandma due to the family issues, I was alone with barely any time to see irl friends since i worked nightshifts (and my irl friends were an hour away or so), and I lived in a small town that was hateful in many ways. Etc etc...

And now its...what...smaller fandom with less drama (thank god), less pressures from toxic friend groups, family issues are not 100% but are WAY better.... lived with friends the past couple of years and currently living with a friend I met through ikes*ries fandom, and I'm looking back at those fandom days with m*sme and I'm like. Maybe I am just still recovering from all of that. Maybe this is just me slowly building up the ability to write and love it all again.

[yellowloid]

hey! i was sort of reading “something to rely on” lyrics, and i remembered that you analyse some of miles, monkeys and tlsp songs. so, i just wanted to ask what are your thoughts on this song, cause i particularly think it’s about alex or some of it. anyway, other songs from cdg can be fully about alex, but barely no one talks about this one, so i thought it’d be great to discuss about it.

there’s also “adios tara tara” that i also think it’s about alex, as other songs from change the show, but that’s for another time! i also love your blog, your fanfics and song analysis, they’re always really good! 🫶

sooo first of all sorry for being this late lmao this is kinda embarrassing because this ask was sent MONTHS ago maybe almost a year ago it was so long ago i literally don't remember. i'm only just answering now BUT better late than never i guess skgshdfh

(as usual don't take this too seriously lmao this is just a silly theory, i'm in no way implying it's the truth. it's just delusion o'clock)

now, if you follow me you know what i think of coup de grace as an album - and that is, the fact that it's soooo about alex it's crazy like. bro was so angry and in love and heartbroken????? and he wrote a literal masterpiece of an album????? that's iconic if you ask me

so to no one's surprise, let's follow the usual theory - them having some sort of falling out after eycte because of miles getting serious and alex consequently chickening out, which led to Peak Gay Drama Year, also known as 2018, when they both release albums that - more or less explicitly - contain images that could easily be interpreted as references to each other. something to rely on is no exception:

"crescent moon, left in my drive / all too soon, you made your point"

the reference to the moon creates a pattern, since the semantic field of astral entities is also present in songs such as killing the joke, with "interstellar, dressed in leather, drinking bitter boy" - which as we all know is one of miles' most direct lines when it comes to referencing alex, and it can easily be linked to am's own space-themed album, which miles definitely got to listen before its official release date.

opening the song with a reference to the moon could be a way of @ a certain someone, letting him know that yes, this song *is* in fact about him, if he didn't get the other billion hints in the whole album. (however, for the sake of keeping it vague, i won't be referring to him directly but rather to a ~mysterious person~) (i'm sure you get my point tho *wink wink*) [gunshots]

mentioning the moon could also be a way of referencing the ever-present theme of nighttime encounters in the entirety of mk/am/tlsp's discography: sometimes those encounters are described as fun, sometimes they mean trouble; sometimes, they leave the people involved with a sense of guilt and/or shame, on which we'll come back later and which often leads to bad decisions ("all too soon, you made your point"). in this particular case, the first image that comes to my mind is someone leaving sneakily after a (series of) one-night stands, with the song obviously being from the pov of the person being left, who also gives us a reason why they think the other person left:

"keeping off the radar, how does that make you feel? / keeping it clean, through all the things you wanted me to be / out of touch, with all the rumors i keep hearing of you / keeping off the radar, how does that make you feel?"

this person doesn't seem to want other people to know about their affair, and that's why they keep it secret; it seems that they want miles to be something he's not, or something he can't be - or maybe they ask all these things of themselves, which would maybe make it easier for them to accept the relationship going public. this person wants to keep it neat and clean, picture-perfect and fitting to everything everyone expects from them; but as much as they try to stay lowkey and not attract attention, the narrator informs us that no matter how much this person tries to hide, there's still rumors going around about them, as an individual as well as their relationship(s) with other people, most likely with the narrator too.

"all aboard the guilt train / last call before we leave / last call before we learn to love / the last call before we leave"

the line referring to guilt is insanely queer-coded and i will die on this hill because it just SCREAMS internalised homophobia, with which the other person might be struggling. it wouldn't make sense otherwise - because what would that person feel guilty about, if it were a straight-passing relationship? unless it was a cheating situation, of course... but it could be a cheating situation AND also a queer one, with this person being in another (het) relationship while having a same-sex lover (the narrator), which would give that line a double explanation. also every time i listen to this song i just can't help but think about 'all aboard the kane train' WHAT WHO SAID THAT

however, the narrator tells us that this is the "last call before we leave" - meaning, he's giving this person an ultimatum to make up their mind and decide if they want to be with him for real or not, since the latter possibility would result in him leaving - not necessarily for good, but... just trying to get over that person once and for all. at the same time, though, it's also the "last call before we learn to love" - which is incredibly soft imo, because it's him still putting trust and hope into that person and a positive decision on their part. he believes they will eventually choose to be with him, he hopes for it and trusts the other person to make the right decision, which would lead to them being together and learning how to love each other without limits nor second-guesses. the repetition of the leaving line could also be seen as a way for him to give it a new meaning compared to the first one: if they ended up together, they could leave that world based on nasty rumors and appearances, ignoring them all to just be happy together. because, after all, miles declares it openly:

"you're all that i wanted / all that i need / you're all that i wanted / you're all that i need"

i mean. does this even need an explanation. bro is down BAD

"something to rely on / something to get high on / i don't want to beg or steal, i don't want to borrow hearts / i just want to make it real / something to rely on / the making of a mystery, wishing on a falling star / i don't want to let this sadness rule my heart / your actions from the start / in spite of me insightfully inviting me to fall apart"

i left the chorus last because imo it captures perfectly the whole vibe of the song and what i think is miles' outlook on life in general: the narrator wants something stable and secure, an established relationship with the other person; he doesn't want to have to beg and argue and make it more complicated than it probably already is, he doesn't want to be a pastime or just some lover. he wants something thrilling and intense, almost addictive - but most importantly, he wants something real. this complicated situation with the other person is making them both suffer, and the other person's behaviour doesn't make it any easier; but in spite of everything, and in spite of his sense of self-preservation, he still finds himself unable and unwilling to resist them, to let them go for good. and no matter how self-destructive this might be, he doesn't want to be ruled by negative emotions; he's already fallen for them, too deep to even consider letting them go. he just keeps falling, and yeah, the outcome of their situationship might still be a mystery, but he chooses to be hopeful - "wishing on a falling star", bringing the song to a circular end by mentioning other astral entities that inevitably remind us of the "crescent moon" that opens the song. which also evokes the idea of circularity that is typical of situationships like the one described here, where the moment he seems to have made up his mind (or maybe the other person finally did?) it's like rinse and repeat, and once again they're back to square one.

[sunshinereddie]

🦉Positivity owl reporting for duty! This was sent by a friend who wants you to smile as much as your posts make them smile. Please list five things that make you unique, four things you are super passionate about and why, OR three of your favorite memories. Feel free to send the owl to those who you feel deserve to smile🦉

hoot hoot hello positivity owl!!!!! thanks for stopping by :3

3 favourite memories i have hm,,,,,

>well first and foremost joining this fandom hehe!!!!! i literally remember where i was the day i watched It ch2 for the first time and the way it completely changed my brain chemistry and led me to this point........ being in the IT fandom re-sparked my joy for creating and sharing fan content, before joining this fandom i hadn't run a fan account in years and i just wrote fanfic for myself, but joining the IT fandom encouraged me to start posting again! and of course i have created so many amazing memories in this fandom and have made so many clown friends, so deciding to watch IT ch2 is definitely a cherished memory of mine!!!!

>not a specific memory, but just in general, memories from going to fan conventions! i love going to conventions so much and just recently in the past few years my bff and i have started going to local fan conventions and expos and they've all just been super fun :D

>last year at work a teenager who volunteers with us (who i supervised for about a year and a half) came up to me and thanked me for supporting them and helping them feel safe and welcome in our organization. they told me they don't get a lot of support at home so being able to come here and be accepted really made all the difference in their happiness, and i won't lie i went to the break room and cried afterwards because that made me realize that the person who i needed when i was a teenager, i had become that person for others. it was just a really great moment that i'll always remember.

[faeriekit]

Hey gang. So:

1) If I ask a yes or no question about something I’m posting, a. I don’t need two paragraphs about your reasoning as to why you have this opinion, especially if the update it’s about is already posted and isn’t going to change. A “yes, cool” or “nah, not really” will suffice. b. I don’t need four different responses about how much you dislike the direction I’ve taken, and neither do I need to see attempts to rope in other users to have you...actually change their mind? It’s perfectly fine to dislike my writing or one of my writing products. But make your own post about it, please, so I don’t get blasted with six different critiques simultaneously in my notes. This is a boundary I am about to enforce via blocking, because:

2) Writing fanfic is a personal hobby and mode of de-stressing of mine. I’m not a professional writer. I am using tumblr as a mode of publishing, so clearly this isn’t that deep. I have to keep it not-that-deep for personal reasons, because the literal instant that this becomes work, or worse, an actual stressor, my brain shuts down any creative interest and I go back into anhedonia mode. If anhedonia has never been on your symptoms sheet before...it sucks. It really does.

3) I work eleven hour days. I am in my final semester of grad school. I have homework to do nightly. The finals due this month will determine the course of my career. This fic has largely turned my eleven hour days to thirteen-to-fifteen hour days when I include meals. The turnaround on Blister Pack has been incredibly short, considering the daily update pattern. It’s okay to not like raspberry scones or whatever you want this metaphor to be, but if I offer you raspberry scones after spending my only free time baking them and your response is to tell me the mistakes I’ve made in the process, then. Well. I’m certainly not going to consider baking my fun hobby I do with friends anymore.

I’m not going to blame anyone for this. This is not anyone’s fault. Since BP has largely gotten ten times more popular than I ever imagined it would be, I’m ngl, I was largely expecting something to go wrong way earlier than this. This is about how I will proceed in the future and how I hope we can get along in the future. Feel free to read. Feel free to dislike. Feel free to-- idk, make your own post where you get vocal about where my writing goes and why you personally don’t like it. Sure. Just don’t make me see it and...what, expect me to uproot the story? Rewrite it to match your personal view of the media and of the fic? I don’t always know what people’s intention are when they comment this tbh; if I dislike a fic, I just stop reading. 

Anyway, the block button is on the table as far as options go, but I trust the vast majority of you and we clearly haven’t had problems about this previously. Blister Pack is finished in its word doc. I just have to trick my brain into thinking that posting the ending isn’t a threat to my internal wellbeing.

Thank you for reading the little I write, thank you for the well-intentioned comments, even if I couldn’t receive them in the manner you intended; and thank you for sharing your thoughts and interests when you have the energy. I often feel as though writing is very isolating, and though I often get too overwhelmed to respond, I have read every single individual comment that has been sent to me. Comments. Tags. Replies. Everything. You’re the glue that’s been holding my motivation together to finish this for once.

Once Blister Pack is posted, this will be the first fic I have finished since...since I wrote my first fic a decade ago. Fucking Hells. 🥂

[callibones]

uhhh hh ..... hello! this is the same anon who sent in that ask about object camps. the camps you suggested sound really interesting! im a little too scared to join them for now haha but they sound really cool. they will rotate in my mind for a while i think HGFDSFGHJGFDSDFGH other than that .. 1 . i came across the wiki camp two and it looked so creative and interesting to me! i dont program in css that often anymore but the site makes me wanna go over and put in a bunch of pages. problem is.. i don't know how to Apply? or Do Anything? rn the site is locked for voting but just in general i tried reading the rules but still couldn't understand how it worked. if you knew anything about it that'd be nice. it also seems to have a discord server..? again im scared to check myself but if youre in it i wanna know whether it's a nice space to be in.

2 . uhhghgfdghj i peered through the rest of the blog and found the shelled one blaseball fic you posted ? and i think im really Normal about it. So after reading that i now trust your fanfic opinions. are there any other blaseball fics you'd strongly recommend? and uh general.. uh, evil mind controlly fics would be really nice too (the book of bill is also sort of ruining me along with this so i am truly looking for ANYTHING and like omg hbdxszexrdcfdsxrctvdxszaf) and thats all i wanted to ask you! sorry this is getting REALLY LONG i wish you well and i am So Sorry for bothering you!

HELLO AGAIN! not botherin me at all. :-] i was hopin youd find that answer.... i made sure to answer it at the same time u sent the question so you'd have a MAXIMUM CHANCE of findin it, and u Did! so Yay! welcome back. im going to tag my answers to your Post's with 🩸🟪 so we Never Get Separated Again. but i want you to know.... i don't bite! i literally can't on account of my face is a monitor. so if you wanna chat, feel free to dm me! you seem like a really fun person and we clearly have a lotta interest's in common so Consider That: An Option.

ANYHOO.

1) the wiki camp 2 is ABSOLUTELY a welcoming community. in fact, check this out: here's an index of plainly written explanations of various community in-jokes, to ensure nobody's left confused! while i'm not super active on the discord due to hyperfixating on single spaces at a time like some sort of cryptid, i have a lot of wonderful friends in the community and i'd wholeheartedly call it nice.

you don't have to apply to write, either! while i don't think there's an ETA yet on when the wiki's re-opening, whenever it does you'll be able to make an account for free and start creating to your heart's content! sometimes people who do that even get roped into the camp due to Token Shenanigans....

2) look. i get it. how much do i get it? the post you're talking about was written by my bill cipher fictive. and guess what book made me pick THAT thing up? we're in the same boat. i'm (RELATIVELY) normal 'round these parts, but if you do end up dropping me a line, maybe you'll happen upon some of my stuff? just sayin'. but as for what i can do for ya at the desk here...

thing is, i actually haven't read that much blaseball fanfic. i know! i WANT to. i have a list, which i'll reblog with your special tag right after this. but my brain doesn't let me read a lotta long stuff these days, which is SUCKS! i might poke around some tags and see what i can find, but that spectacular shelled one fic's the only one of its kind i know.

if you wanna read something Long and Serious and Really Really Good that's haunted me for years, put your eyes on Oil and Water, the shoe thieves disaster marriage classic about grief and autism and family and other such things.

then read everything else that catches your fancy, and send me your picks! and hey. if anyone reading this wants to help a cute anon out and knows some fics (or wrote some fics) that fit the Bill i mean the bill, PLEASE lemme know!! i Understand wanting more evil mind control. it's kind of my whole thing. PLUS i'm literally the shelled one's favorite

[ladyseidr]

anonymous asked: ❝ as just an observation and no hate what so ever, maybe you can clarify!! but it feels like you solely focus on gay ships for all of your muses and it feels like as someone looking in you don't really provide much variety in terms of shipping. it just hit wrong with you adding vanessa the first thing said was "who's going to gay marry her" that's where this all came from. ❞ ( ref )

Assuming you're referring to shipping as romantic shipping, because I definitely write plenty of platonic and familial stuff. I'm going to treat this as though it's really sent in good faith, but referring to me having a "lack of variety" because I don't write enough m/f in your opinion ( ???? ) is uh. strange. So, I felt this was obvious, but "who's going to gay marry her" was intended as a joke because I literally just added her. I'm not expecting anyone to jump into a ship with a muse I just added, it's a joke. But beyond that, she's listed as a lesbian on her muse page. This is both personal headcanon and a direct reflection of my dislike that a large majority of one of the only female human character's in-game plot involves her being controlled by someone we perceive as a man ( because Glitch is either intended to be a representation of William, OR, as some other people believe, literally is him). Even if I wrote Vanessa as bi, I still would not ship my personal portrayal of her with him. ( And I don't pass judgment on people who do ship it, this is only about me when I'm writing her. I literally do ship my William with a couple of game!Vanessas on his blog. ) I am also a queer person who grew up with little to no media reflecting people like me. So, yes, I do make all my muses queer ( although a vast majority I feel are bisexual or pansexual, so this shouldn't be an issue with "limiting" ships). Yes, my main fandom ship ( as in, what I ship outside of rp, in my personal life / fanfic / etc ) is almost always queer. Yes, if I'm hyperfixated on a ship outside of the rpc, it's usually queer. Yes, this means I often talk about ( non-mutual specific ) queer ships more vocally ( like Wil.lry for fn.af or Sai.oma for D.R ). But I mean this is the kindest way possible: I don't owe anybody romantic ships. I don't owe anybody m/f ships, or any other kind. Now, don't get me wrong! I am so, so, so open to shipping. If you want to ship with one of my muses, I never mind an IM about it. A vast majority of the time I'm down for it and, yes, that includes m/f ships. I have several ships both here and on @spring-lxcked that are m/f. But also like. If you're upset that I write [ insert muse here ] as gay, I'm sure there's other people who don't who would be willing to ship with you.

[here2bbtstrash]

✨ announcement: the trash library is OPEN! ✨

hi babes!!! exciting news for you today - we are TRYING A THING!!!

for a little context, this idea came about because i’ve deeply enjoyed getting introduced to some amazing new authors since i’ve started up my fic rec fridays this year! in addition, i get so very excited whenever someone shares something they wrote with me, whether it’s via a tag or a DM. i know firsthand how much vulnerability it takes to share something you've written, so it means the world, genuinely!!! i love getting to read and share y'all's works in this little community 🥺

but! as a person with wicked adhd, i have a hard time keeping up with sent fics when they’re all over the place- buried in my notes, forgotten about in my likes, conversed over in DMs. and then i never read them and feel bad, lol. so i thought we could try a new system!!

all this is to say: i now officially have a tracked tag!! that's right, we are building ourselves a #trashlibrary y’all!! ~party party yeah~ ���

join me under the cut for allllll the fun details!! 📚

what is a tracked tag? 📖 it’s just a regular ol' hashtag that you can add to a post (the same way you’d tag #bts fanfic or #jungkook x reader or anything else!) - but this is one i am personally following! that means i'll see everything in the tag and it'll make it much easier for me to keep track of it all, so that i can read all your delicious writing!

so how does this work? 📖 as far as i understand this magical mystical website, you’ll have to stick the #trashlibrary tag on any new post in order for it to show up in the tag. new posts only, unfortunately; editing or reblogging an old post and adding the tag on it won’t work. BUT! if you’ve got a brand new fic to post and you’d like for me to check it out, you can slap that baby at the end of your tags and officially add it to the trash library!!! it will need to be within the first 20 tags in order to actually show up in tumblr search, so pls keep that in mind! 🧐

what should go in the #trashlibrary tag? 📖 i’d like to keep it to written fanfiction specifically about bts, but other than those basic parameters, the world is your oyster! to make things easy, here’s a shortlist of stuff i enjoy in fics - if you write anything featuring ANY of the following, i would LOVE to see it show up in the trash library (but feel free to stick other stuff in there too!):

any member x reader (does my jihope preference need to be explicitly stated at this point 🤣), any combinations of member x member, ANYTHING with queer characters/themes or a diverse reader, POLYAMORY, group sex, HEALTHY kink (well-communicated & safe), unlikeable/flawed/complex characters, role play 🤤, ORAL!!!!!, dom/sub dynamics (preferably soft 🥺), overstim, SEX TOYS, ……cheating 🙈, drug use, sex work, anal play/pegging, experimental sex (trying something for the first time), unlearning shame around the human body and pleasure, forced proximity, hatefucking 😬, darker/more mature themes, semi-public sex, characters that are both horny for and enamored with one another lmao

i do also enjoy myself some tooth-rotting fluff or heartbreaking angst, i’m just less specific about my preferences there 😂 tagged works can be as short as a drabble or as long as you like, and literally ANYONE can use this tag - doesn't matter if it's your first fic or your hundredth, doesn't matter if we're besties or if we've never even so much as talked thru reblogs lmao. i’m up for it all!

will you read and review everything in the tag? 📖 i want to make sure this is explicitly clear from the jump. using this tag is the best way to ensure that i read and possibly review your work, but it is not a guarantee or promise that i will do either. not every fic is for me (WHICH IS FINE AND GOOD ACTUALLY, otherwise the world would be full of nothing but yucky porn 😂) and in addition: i’m just one person, with a whole-ass life, you know?

i will do my absolute best to keep up with this tag, and i'm very excited about it! but i kind of have no idea how much use it will see, and i may very well not be able to get to it all. what i can tell you is that i am much much much more likely to see your stuff if it’s in this tag, vs. lost in some other place that i have already forgotten about because i have 3 brain cells and 0 object permanence lmao.

by using this tag, you are telling me that you have read and understood this disclaimer, and that you can handle your emotions like a grown adult if i miss your fic, or even if it just takes me a while to get to it 💜

okay that's it! 🥺 i hope y'all are pumped - i know i'm excited to see what kind of goodies our library fills up with!!! see you in the stacks 😉

[seancamerons]

Do you have any early semma hcs ?

so anon, i'm scratchin' my head tryna figure out how to answer this. i feel bad it's been sitting in my inbox for so long. some of these are all over the place. the answer is yes. read more below!

intro/interested pretty quickly so emma really instantly thought, "wow i never met anyone like this guy before." unfortunately for sean, i believe he was just so shocked to even be in town again and still kind of messed up that day in terms of it being overwhelming and rough circumstances. for example, in 1.04 the day leading up to the dance was a blur for him until the dance. between jimmy getting on him, and having his first day at degrassi, finding out i guess at the time he has to repeat the seventh grade, the whole computer debacle and being stressed about that, and people whispering/sean hoping people didn't find out about the fight with tyler that sent him there in the first place, and other factors, it was a lot. emma was watching him, not being a stalker or anything but like he was just trying to get used to things. he transferred like what? october i guess of the school year so he missed 1st day of school and stuff. emma was his first friend at degrassi community who treated him like he mattered and got him out of trouble with raditch when he lost it on jimmy that's canon. after that i headcanon that it was pretty much - she's on his radar. they didn't like become like best friends or anything else whatever until later. maybe mid-way through the term like around the time of caberet did they start like really spending time together or interested in each other beyond casual friends/acquaintances. the crush obviously was mutual. emma i think liked sean as early as give or take - pre-coming of age or a little before that so yeah it fits. so like when i wrote this fic once, emma talked about what generated interest to sean. he was cute probably to her, but also the way that most kids would describe who they are in so many words when asked on the first day at new school. sean turns around and just says in response, "no." that immediately set him apart from his peers. (toby wasn't standing a chance after that.)

2. they BOTH still have the pictures. in fact sean keeps his picture in his wallet. when he was away deployed/staying on bases or whatever he had it either hung up in barracks/platoon wherever he stayed. it's a little bit crinkled and worn and stuff but he did scan it so that he can get it printed on like gloss paper. IT'S A GOOD THING SPIKE TOOK TWO ON HER OBNOXIOUSLY HUGE CAMERA. i like that when cranny went on that date (s2 tmba) she used the camera on them bc she's literally her momma's daughter lol.

3. sean walked emma home after the starlight starbright dance because her flip phone died and she didn't have enough for the payphone in the foyer to call her mom. instead, she remembered her mom told her not to walk home alone. on the walk to emma's he told her where he was from but they didn't really talk much until after parents day and maybe even more over a little later. she liked him around that time. she felt safe that he walked her home after the dance though. spike didn't meet him till later but she mentioned that she wasn't alone for the walk home from school. spike slept easier, but didn't know the person who walked her was a boy.

4. walking home again revisited (likely) a year later like after the wedding in 2.13, spike and snake drove off in their just married car to the airport/honey moon and caitlin stayed for the week behind to look after emma. joey too. sean walked emma home after the wedding and they talked things out/asked her out probably then too officially. he apologized and took accountability/she did too for what happened that last year. of course the conversation was short but they held hands all cutesy and maybe another kiss before she went inside the house. I'm sure it was dark and stuff too so yeah. he called her later to thank her for inviting him, they had fun. craig, sean, emma, and manny ate a lot of wedding cake and food did some dancing beyond slow dances. it was probably the last time their lives weren't complicated.

5. emma visted sean between the time he left after bib over the summer with manny to wasaga for a few day trips emma's life got chaotic once she was with peter and they lost touch. imagine her surprise when he returned a year or so later?! (i find it hard to believe that they hadn't seen each other since s4 i think they talked/maybe over the summer a few day trips when manny or emma got licenses for driving idk if they drove or they took a bus who knows its my world haah)

6. sean's aim (what did they call it for Canada - cim?) screen name is similar to his degrassi handle on degrassidottv lol whocares & emma's is sparklespaz28 or simply sparklespazz bc I'm unoriginal. they talked like however they could occasionally when he was in wasaga he used to visit/frequent internet cafes to keep in touch with friends/emma/ellie but ellie kind of hurt too much to talk to him. emma got too busy to spend much time online but when they did they'd have lengthy aim convos about various things, just not about jay/ravine lmfao of course. even those convos were a little deep which translated later at least i think. she didn't know he was returning bc that was around the time he was moving back and his parents had this old ass computer that barely ran so that's why he would internet cafe. he didn't have internet after he moved to the area again, so he'd either internet cafe in town/phone/text/the computer lab and be able to talk more to them in person instead. it was only when everyone was long distance. i think i read wasaga is 4.5 or so away from Toronto where degrassi is set i think? or a little bit less. it seemed like that anyway when they got out of the car in bib they all looked like we need to stand after sitting this long.

imagine the tension in THAT car ride, let me tell ya.

💌 thanks for the ask!!🌸💗OH ONE MORE THING:

the fic i edited this post to include *discussed above*:

thanks again for the ask, any excuse to talk about semma. byeeeee!💕