#i literally saw her on friday and i feel like i'm losing it

[trashpremiium]

kills college. kills finals. killing maiming biting

[prythiansprincess]

azúcar.

pairing: mattheo riddle x reader.

song inspiration: baby by madison beer.

author's note: benjamin being active on tiktok is dangerous for my health. i actually feel like i'm about to crawl on the ceiling from how badly i want this man. literally tweaking. anyways, enjoy 😊

There were a lot of quidditch related superstitions you were willing to put up with. 

Wearing the same socks during every match. Kissing your boyfriend good luck before every game. Even the rowdy common room parties that you and Mattheo often snuck out of to have a celebration of your own was a tradition you welcomed with open arms. 

But this was not one of them. 

“It’s absolutely absurd,” Pansy huffed, her sleek black hair grazing her chin as she tucked her legs underneath her on the velvet couch. “Blaise has lost his mind.” 

“Sounds like you’re the one losing it, Pans.” 

Pansy rolled her eyes. “You would too if your boyfriend suddenly announced a sex ban as part of some weird quidditch superstition.” 

Since the start of the season, the quidditch team had taken a few hits. Usually, the boys dominated the other houses, but they barely won against Hufflepuff and came to a draw against Ravenclaw during the last game. Ending in a tie was apparently the last straw because the day after the match, Blaise told Pansy that the team had taken a pact of celibacy. 

For some deranged reason, the boys believed that abstaining from sex for a week would help them secure a win for the rematch on Friday. For the next five days, they intended to sleep, breathe, and eat quidditch. Apparently, your feminine wiles would have to be set aside for the meantime. As if sex were the problem and not their constant drinking and partying, which probably contributed to their lack of focus as a whole. Not that the boys would listen to common sense at this point. 

You scoffed. “Please, Mattheo wouldn’t last a day without sex let alone a whole week.”

“Don’t be so sure,” Pansy said rather bitterly, picking at the cushion in her lap. “The lot of them are taking this entirely too seriously. Blaise won’t even allow himself to be in a room alone with me.”

”Well, Zabini has a surprising amount of self-control. Mattheo, on the other hand, is perpetually horny. There’s no way that he agreed to such a ridiculous pact.”

“Lucky you,” your best friend said with a long suffering sigh.

You nudged her knee with your foot and smiled mischievously. “Don’t worry, babe. I’m more than willing to help. Blaise may be disciplined, but he’s also just a man. What do you say we pop into the village? I think I saw a lace emerald lingerie set that had your name all over it.”

Pansy perked up at that. “I knew I came to the right person.”

Your best friend smiled as you hooked your arm through her elbow. “Of course you did. Now come on, let’s bring Zabini to his knees.” 

Sprawled out on Mattheo’s bed, you flicked through the pages of your novel and waited for your boyfriend to return from practice. The trip to Hogsmeade had been a complete success. Just as you suspected, the little set you glimpsed through the lingerie store window looked absolutely stunning on Pansy. Blaise didn’t stand a chance. 

As a matter of fact, you’d given the two of them privacy tonight. They were due for a study session at your shared dorm tonight, but you quietly slipped out in the midst of their heated argument about the Goblin Rebellion and happily skipped off to your boyfriend’s room. 

Given the late hour, Mattheo was due back any second now. As if summoning him from your thoughts alone, your boyfriend sauntered into the room, looking sweaty and sexy from running though drills all afternoon. Mattheo grinned the second he spotted you on his bed. 

“Hi, princesa,” he greeted, his voice low and husky. 

”Hi, Matty.” You propped yourself up on your elbows and smiled. “How was practice?” 

“Absolutely fucking brutal,” Mattheo grunted as he pulled off his shoes. “Theo clobbered the fuck out of me, but I suppose it’s better him than the Ravenclaws. Mark my words, we’re going to beat those twats come Friday.” 

“I don’t doubt it, babe.” You pushed off the mattress and scooted closer to him. 

Mattheo licked his lips as you neared, breath hitching as you brushed his damp curls off of his forehead. You smirked and leaned in for a kiss. At the last second, Mattheo turned sharply, causing the kiss to land on his cheek instead of his lips. 

“I’m all sweaty,” he explained. You quirked a brow. Sweat, dirt, and grime had never stopped the two of you before, but you brushed it off. He was probably just wound up about winning. Mattheo smiled apologetically and kissed your temple. “Let me shower first and then we can cuddle, okay?’ 

You made the mistake of looking into those big, brown eyes. Damn him and his chocolate eyed gaze. The twat knew it was your weakness. 

“Fine,” you said as you crawled underneath the covers. “But hurry up, I’m getting tired.” 

Ten minutes later, you were fully engrossed in your book again. Just as it reached a particularly steamy scene, the door swung open, revealing a half-naked Mattheo. The white towel wrapped precariously around his trim waist gave you a perfect view of his toned chest and ripped abs, beads of water clinging onto his glistening skin like rain drops. You bit your lip as he tugged on a clean pair of boxers over his legs, cocking your head to appreciate the curve of his arse before he slipped into his sweatpants. 

Unaware of your ogling, Mattheo climbed into bed and wrapped his arms around you. “What are you reading, mi amor?” 

“Nothing that can’t wait,” you murmured, leaning in to kiss your boyfriend.

This time, Mattheo gladly accepted the kiss. His lips slanted over yours, sighing softly as you melted into him. Your kisses were soft and sweet, punctuated by cute little pecks that had your boyfriend smiling against your mouth. You took the opportunity to slide your tongue against his, making Mattheo groan as his fingers slipped through your hair. 

“Damn, mami. You missed me that much?” 

You rolled your eyes at his cocky smirk while you climbed into his lap and straddled him. Mattheo gripped your hips, moaning as your lips latched onto his neck. His pretty brown eyes rolled back as you left a trail of kisses along the column of his throat. You raked your nails along his chest, dragging red lines down to his abs, and tracing his happy trail as he captured your lips once more. Mattheo let out a choked groan as you tugged at his waistband. To your surprise, he grabbed your wrist and blinked up at you. 

“Y/N…” Mattheo said breathlessly. “Maybe we should…maybe we should go to sleep.” His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he tried and failed to swallow his own words. 

You raised a brow and settled over his lap, squirming against his hard length as Mattheo bit his lip. “You want to go to sleep? Right now? While I’m on top of you and willing to do whatever you want?” 

Your boyfriend looked pained. Conflict was evident on his face. Without a word, Mattheo nodded. 

“Oh my god,” you blurted in disbelief. “You agreed to that stupid sex ban, didn’t you?”

Mattheo groaned. “Only for a week, love. We really need to win this match.” 

You scoffed. This was absolutely ridiculous. “I know you, Mattheo. You aren’t going to last a week.” 

“Hey! Have a little faith in me.” 

Rolling off of him, you crossed your arms against your chest. “First of all, you didn’t even ask me if I’d be okay with it.” 

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say. With a shit-eating grin, Mattheo cocked his head at you. “It sounds to me like you’re the one who can’t last a week, princesa.” 

“Please,” you said with an eye roll. “I have my book boyfriends to keep me company. I can channel all my sexual energy into reading smut. You, on the other hand? You can’t even make it through class without dragging me into a broom closet.” 

Faster than you thought possible, Mattheo flipped you onto your back and pinned you to the mattress. A cocky smirk curved against his lips as he trailed them down your neck. “Oh?” he hummed, kissing the sweet spot just below your ear, his hand gripping the inside of your thigh, making you press your legs together to suppress the need. The bloody bastard. “But can your book boyfriends touch you like I can?” 

Channeling every ounce of self-control within you, a calm and unbothered expression clicked into place like a mask. You tugged at his curls, forcing him away from your neck. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about me, Matty. I’ll be just fine.” Mattheo released a choked groan when you palmed the front of his boxers. He twitched at your touch, his cock painfully hard. “Looks like you’re not doing too hot, though. Let me know if you need help. You know I’d be more than happy to give you relief, baby.” 

Mattheo cursed under his breath as his own plan backfired on him. Blood rushed down to his cock as you squeezed gently, making him harder and hornier than ever. You chuckled darkly as he grinded against your hand. With one last squeeze, you kissed his cheek and peeled yourself away from his bed. 

“You know where to find me, papi.”

He watched in disbelief as you gathered your things, cute little ass swaying farther and farther away from him as you hauled your bag over your shoulder. “You’re seriously leaving?” 

You smirked and waved at your boyfriend as you pulled the door open. “I have a hot date with my romance novel. Good luck with your pact, babe. You’ll need it.” 

Merlin, Mattheo was going out of his fucking mind. 

For Salazar’s sake, he was starting to get the shakes and it had only been two days since he last had sex. Granted, it felt like an eternity since you were more than determined to get your boyfriend to break. Could lack of sex actually drive a person to the brink of insanity? Mattheo was pretty convinced that the answer was yes as he gaped at the lacy red bra peeking out under your white blouse. 

Had your clothes shrunk in the wash? Mattheo could’ve sworn that your shirt hadn’t been that tight before. You were nearly bursting out of it and the view of your tits pressed together as you leaned across the table to steal a blueberry off of his plate made his mouth water and his dick hard. 

“Stay strong, Riddle,” Theo whispered beside him. “We’ve got this.” 

Never in his life had he wanted to throttle Theo more. The only thing Mattheo had at the moment was a painful fucking boner. Three more days. That’s all he had to endure before they called off this stupid sex pact. 

He could make it. Couldn’t he?

As he looked up at you sucking on a strawberry, Mattheo’s confident wavered. You were truly testing what very little self control that he possessed. You were right when you said that your boyfriend couldn’t last a single class without dragging you into an empty broom closet. You were just so pretty and sexy and hot and that was when you weren’t trying. 

Now that you were determined to tease the fuck out of him, Mattheo didn’t stand a chance. 

All day, you focused on making his life an absolute living hell. Perching on his lap, fixing his tie, smiling prettily while you brushed his curls back and left glossy kiss prints all over his cheeks. His hands were in permanent fists, fingernails digging into the flesh of his palm so deeply that he wouldn’t be surprised to find himself bleeding. This was torture. Cruel and unusual punishment. 

The final straw came when the two of you were studying in the library later that night. Bouncing his leg, Mattheo forced himself to pay attention to the Ancient Runes textbook in front of him instead of ogling you from across the table. It wasn’t working though. Every few minutes, he caught himself glancing up at you. Your lips, your eyes, your hair. There was nothing sexual about you taking notes yet he was so turned on that he felt dizzy. 

Mattheo lowered his head, trying to keep cool. When he looked back up, you were no longer in your seat. Instead, you were reaching for a book on the shelves behind you. Whatever you were looking for was on the lowest shelves, so you bent down to retrieve it. When you did, your skirt rode up, revealing that you weren’t wearing any underwear. Mattheo hissed, scrambling to pull your skirt down. 

”What in Salazar’s name are you doing, Y/N?” Your boyfriend gripped your elbow, anger and frustration radiating off of him in waves. 

You blinked up at him, putting on an innocent smile. “Oh!” you exclaimed, placing a hand on Mattheo’s chest. “Did I forget to wear underwear? Silly me.” 

Your boyfriend groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. He muttered something under his breath repeatedly. Breathing exercises. You bit back a smirk. 

On his third count to ten, Mattheo finally opened his eyes. Without a word, he gathered your belongings and hauled you out of the library. He didn’t speak until the two of you were back in the dungeons. 

“I’m going to study in my room,” Mattheo declared as he handed you your book bag. “You’ll study in yours.” 

You grinned. “Oh, Matty. We both know the only thing you’ll be studying is your cock in your hand.” Mattheo tensed as you traced a finger down his jawline. “What a shame. I’d be more than willing to put an end to your misery if you just admit that the pact is stupid.” 

For Salazar’s fucking sake. Mattheo was so close to calling this whole thing off. He wanted you. Screaming underneath him. Crying from pleasure. Moaning his name. But he couldn’t. He had to stay strong. 

Mattheo sighed and kissed your temple. “Good night, mi amor. I love you. Even though you’re determined to drive me fucking mental.” 

You smiled before pulling him in by his tie. Mattheo groaned as you placed a sweet kiss on his lips, barely giving him a taste of what he wanted. “Love you too, Matty. Sleep tight. I hope you dream of me tonight.” 

With that, he watched you saunter off in the direction of your dorm, skipping through the common room without a care in the world. Mattheo stared up at the ceiling and counted to ten again. 

Friday could not come any fucking faster. 

You had to admit that you were impressed. Your boyfriend had miraculously survived an entire week without sex. 

Despite your best efforts to thwart the stupid pact, Mattheo stayed true to his word. A pretty impressive feat given the fact that you’d practically thrown everything you had into seducing him. Sitting on his lap, licking your lips while he talked, kissing that sweet spot below his jaw, wearing your clothes shorter and tighter than ever, and even sleeping in his favorite silk red set, which you knew was particularly hard for him if the erection pressed against your back all night was any indication. 

Still, Mattheo withstood all of your attempts. 

You would’ve been upset had it not been for the fact that Mattheo looked absolutely pained by the whole ordeal. This entire week, his fists were permanently clenched at his side, his jaw locking and unlocking with every suggestive comment you threw his way, his eyes flickering over your body, groaning in frustration as he tortured himself by looking at what he couldn’t have. 

It was amusing to watch your boyfriend twitch at your every move. As you predicted, you fared better than Mattheo had. After all, you had a wild imagination and a collection of toys to hold you over. That wasn’t to say that you weren’t needy and aching for him, but you had ways of coping. 

“I’m so fucking glad it’s Friday,” Pansy grumbled beside you as she took a swig from her flask. 

After the whole bring Zabini to his knees plan failed, she’d been crankier than ever. Neither one of you expected either of your boyfriends to even make it this far without caving at least once. 

“Me too, babe. As much as I’m rooting for our boys, I can’t wait for this bloody game to be over. Win or lose, I know the sex is going to be insane.” 

Your best friend smirked as she handed you the firewhisky. “I’ll cheers to that, babe.” 

Surprisingly, the tension and frustration helped the boys play better than ever. They were ruthless on the field. Theo and Enzo were vicious as they defended the goalposts, giving way for Blaise and Mattheo to chase after the opposing beaters, nearly taking some poor bloke’s head off with a bludger. You almost felt bad for the Ravenclaws. 

When Draco caught the snitch, you cheered loudly. You and Pansy screamed until your throat felt raw and hoarse by the time the game was officially called. The two of you swayed as you descended from the stands, slightly inebriated from your generous swigs, but you didn’t mind. The liquor kept you warm and served as preparation for a night of drinking and debauchery for the common room party. 

Blaise wasn’t at all surprised that you and Pansy pregamed. In fact, he took the flask and downed the rest before tugging his girlfriend towards the castle. 

“Have fun, you crazy kids!”

Zabini chuckled. “Oh, we will. By the way, your boyfriend’s waiting for you in the locker room.” 

With a conspiratorial wink, Blaise wished you good luck as Pansy grinned from ear to ear. You chuckled before making your way over to the locker room. The doors opened, revealing a very smug looking Theo. With a frown, you swatted the back of his head. 

“Ow!” The brunette exclaimed, rubbing his newly acquired injury. “What was that for?” 

“For encouraging my boyfriend to agree to this stupid sex ban.” You crossed your arms and glared at your friend. “I know it was your idea, Theodore.” 

“Hey! We won the game, didn’t we? So obviously, my idea was brilliant.” 

“It was just dumb luck,” you replied with a scoff. “Honestly, I didn’t think you guys would take it so seriously. Especially you. You’re even worse than Mattheo. Celibacy for a week must’ve been hell, huh?” 

Theo shifted his weight, looking abashed. You narrowed your eyes at him as you read the guilt in his body language. “You little weasel! You caved, didn’t you?” 

“There was this really hot Ravenclaw…” 

“With the opposing team, too? You’re shameless, Nott.” 

“Please don’t tell the guys.” He looked genuinely contrite as he pleaded with his eyes. “They’ll murder me if they knew that I couldn’t even stick to my own pact.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Fine, but you owe me big time.” 

Theo smiled before leaning over to kiss your cheek. “You’re the best. I’d say see you at the party, but with how tense and insane your boyfriend has been, I probably won’t see you two for the next few days.” 

“I wonder who’s fault that is.” 

“The pact was my idea. Teasing him was yours. Honestly, he almost stabbed a fork through my hand because you bent over in front of him.” He smirked as he held the door open. “You’ve got that man on a tight leash.” 

You fought a smile. “Leave before I get the urge to hit you again.” Theo nodded, making his way out. “Oh, and congratulations on the win.” 

After a cheeky wink, Theo was gone. Leaving you to find your boyfriend on your own. When you rounded the corner, you could hear the sound of water running echoing off the tiled walls. You ventured farther in the stalls and found Mattheo standing underneath the scalding hot shower, tipping his head back against the spray. With a smile, you leaned against the wall and admired your boyfriend. Merlin, he really was beautiful. 

Mattheo was a sight to behold; biceps flexing, abs taut, and back muscles tense as he washed away the sweat and grime. Your gaze trailed down to his trim waist, licking your lips as your eyes snagged on his backside. The longing sigh you released gave you away. 

Water glistened on his skin as Mattheo looked over his shoulder, a playful smirk tugging at his lips as he surveyed you. Your boyfriend didn’t bother covering himself as he sauntered over to you. His chocolate brown eyes roamed over your body, smiling softly when he saw that you were wearing one of his jerseys. Mattheo traced over his surname embroidered right above your heart. 

“The Riddle name looks good on you, mi amor,” he whispered huskily, backing you against the tile. “I can’t wait to make it official one day.” 

You hummed while you tangled a wet curl between your fingers. “Oh? That won’t be happening any time soon, Matty.” Mattheo frowned as you caressed his cheek. “Not with the way you’ve neglected me this week.” 

“Don’t be like that. You know it was hell for me, princesa.” 

“I know,” you said with a grin. “I’m just teasing you. In reality, I’m kind of impressed. You didn’t cave once even when I threw everything I had at you. You were so good, baby. You crushed those Ravenclaws too.” Mattheo groaned as you kissed his jaw, nipping at his sweet spot. “Maybe the pact wasn’t so stupid after all.” 

Your boyfriend groaned as he gripped your hips and pinned you against the wall. “Oh, I won’t be doing that shit again.” Mattheo rested his hand on the base of your throat, eyes black and filled with lust as he squeezed. “It was torture not to touch you.” 

When you spoke, your voice sounded husky and seductive thanks to his possessive hold. “Could’ve fooled me. You seemed perfectly in control. So much so that maybe we should extend it another week. Abstinence really helps clear the mind, doesn’t it, baby?” 

Mattheo chuckled darkly. He knew you were baiting him. You weren’t used to not getting what you wanted in your relationship. Your boyfriend was well aware that he spoiled you rotten. You were going to make him work for it tonight, but he didn’t mind. In fact, the idea thrilled him. He wouldn’t have been dating you if he wasn’t up to the challenge. 

Without warning, Mattheo tugged you into the shower, making you squeal as the water soaked your clothes. He wasted no time before crashing his lips onto yours, claiming you in a starved and possessive way that had you gasping for breath. Your boyfriend was frantic as he hoisted you up and wrapped your legs around his waist. 

Mattheo sucked harshly at your flesh, his dark chuckle a seductive caress against your skin. You groaned as he grinded his cock against your clothed pussy, which was already throbbing and aching for him. “Brace yourself, sweetheart. We have a whole week to make up for and we’re not leaving here until you’re properly punished for teasing me like the little brat that you are.” 

You flashed him a saccharine smile. “Do your worst, baby.” 

“You’ll regret that, mami.” 

With a wicked grin, Mattheo slid your panties to the side and teased along your folds. He hissed when he felt how soaked you were, practically dripping down his fingers as he eased one into your pussy. You bit down on your lip as the delicious pressure awakened a familiar heat in your core. 

“Not so brave now, are you?” Your boyfriend taunted as he slowly fingered you. After going without, you were embarrassed to find that a simple touch was enough to set your teeth on edge. “This is payback, baby. Wearing those tiny little shirts with your lace bra peeking out. Bending over in front of me knowing that you had no panties on. Grinding on my lap and making me so fucking hard that I almost sprained my wrist wanking off in the restroom like a madman.” 

“I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.” You rasped, groaning as Mattheo picked up the pace. “Not if this is what I get in return. I like when you’re rough, Matty. It makes me wet.” 

Your head lolled back as he added another finger, curving them inside of you and reaching that spongy spot that had you seeing stars. 

“Good,” Mattheo whispered as he nibbled at your earlobe. “Because I’m about to fuck you until you can’t walk.” 

The filthy words sent you over the edge. Mattheo flicked his thumb over your swollen clit and you clenched around his fingers. “I can feel you squeezing me, pretty girl. So fucking greedy, hm?” 

You let out a choked moan. Mattheo grabbed your wrist and slid your hand down his front. “Do you feel that, princesa? I’ve been hard as fuck for you all week. Are you gonna be a good girl and help me out?” 

“Yes,” you breathed out. “Let me take care of you, papi.” 

Mattheo twitched in your hand as you gripped him, tugging as he watched you with lust blown eyes. The intensity of his stare made butterflies erupt in your stomach. 

“I thought about this while getting myself off this week. Your hands. Your eyes. Your voice.” 

“I thought about you, too,” you confessed. “But it doesn’t compare to the real thing. God, you’re fucking sexy.” You rubbed your thumb over his tip, rubbing his precum over his head. Mattheo whimpered against your neck. “I missed you whimpering for me.” 

“I don’t whimper,” Mattheo countered. 

You raised a brow and picked up the pace, working him until his eyes rolled back. Despite his denial, Mattheo whimpered even louder this time. 

“You’re playing dirty, baby.” 

“I thought you liked it dirty, Matty.” 

“I do,” he said with a smirk before curving his long fingers inside of you. You shuddered as he hit that sweet spot. “Now come on, pretty girl. Come with me.” 

You nodded, picking up the pace and groaning as Mattheo pulled you in for a sloppy kiss. He licked the roof of your mouth, shuddering as he bucked into your hand. You tugged at him, coaxing him to cum as he panted against your neck. 

“Fuck. Don’t stop, baby. I’m so fucking close.” 

“Me too, Matty,” you whimpered, grinding against his fingers to take more. 

The orgasm crackled over you like a lightning strike, singing your veins with heat as your boyfriend continued to fuck you with his fingers. Mattheo wasn’t satisfied with one orgasm. He coaxed another out of you, laughing as you greedily bucked against his hand, biting into his shoulder while the second wave hit. 

By the time your third orgasm rolled around, you genuinely felt as though you’d left your own body. Mattheo only relented when your eyes rolled back and your legs trembled, cries of his name falling sweetly from your lips. 

“Tú eres dulce como el azúcar.”

You opened your eyes slowly and found Mattheo lapping up your cum, swirling and sucking his fingers clean with a smirk. You’re sweet like sugar. Though the words were seemingly innocent, Mattheo was anything but. Your boyfriend knew exactly how much it turned you on when he spoke Spanish and he was definitely using it to his advantage.

“That was just the appetizer, baby. Got you all warmed up for my cock. Think you can take it, Y/N?” 

“I’ve been waiting all week,” you responded hoarsely. 

“It’s worth the wait,” Mattheo declared cockily as he flipped you over. He stripped you of your clothes, carelessly tossing them behind his shoulder while he positioned your hands on the tiled wall. You groaned as he bent you at an angle, smacking your ass before he lined up behind you. “I promise to fucking ruin you, mi pinche puta.” 

Anticipation coiled in your stomach as Mattheo sank in slowly. Both of you groaned as he slid all the way in, twitching as he stuffed you full. It was familiar yet new at the same time. It had always been a tight fit, but given your involuntary break, you could feel yourself struggling to adjust to his size once again. 

Mattheo gripped your hips, leaving bruises in his wake as he slid all the way out. You whined at the loss, but it wasn’t long before he thrusted all the way back in, knocking the air out of your lungs as he set a punishing pace. You braced yourself against the tile as he spread your legs further apart, allowing him to hit an even deeper angle. 

“Oh fuck, how do you always feel so good?” Mattheo grunted as his hips snapped against your ass, brutally burying himself inside of your pussy over and over again. “You were made for me, princesa. We’re perfect together.”

”Matty, baby, please…”

You keened as Mattheo tugged you by the hair, kissing you sloppily as he continued to ruin you. He cupped your tits, flicking his thumb over your nipples as he squeezed your flesh between his rough, calloused hands. Mattheo kneaded your breasts and used the momentum to drive deeper. His palm trailed down your torso, pressing against your stomach to feel himself moving with each thrust. 

Tears streaked your cheeks as your eyes rolled back. “Oh gods. Fuck me. Right there, baby. You fill me up so good. I love being full of you.” 

“Yeah?” Mattheo drawled as his hand crawled up your throat. “You like when I fuck you rough? Deep down, you just want to be treated like a slut. Don’t you, princess?” 

“I do,” you breathed, groaning as Mattheo squeezed your neck. “But I’m only a slut for you, Mattheo.” 

“Damn fucking right, baby.” He said proudly. “This pussy is mine. All fucking mine.” 

You clenched, squeezing him so tightly that Mattheo felt like he might cum then and there. “So greedy. Milking me fucking dry. God, you’re perfect. Mi princesa, mi vida, mi amor.” Your boyfriend shuddered as you grinded against him, picking up the momentum as the two of you neared euphoria. “That’s it, baby. Just like that. Fuck, I’m gonna cum—“

”Cum inside me, Matty. I want to feel you. I want all of it.” 

Mattheo cursed, his body seizing as he came with a loud cry. The sensation of him filling you to the brim, his hot cum dripping out of you and coating the inside of your thighs was enough to send you over the edge. You trembled as the orgasm hit you all at once and nearly passed out from the sheer force of it. 

Fortunately, strong arms wrapped around you before your legs could give out from underneath you. Mattheo pulled you against him, holding your trembling body as you came down from the high. You leaned into him, resting your head on his shoulder as he cleaned you up. Your boyfriend took his time washing your body, taking great care when it came to your sensitive core. 

You smiled up at him as he lathered shampoo into your hair, letting you return the favor and sighing in satisfaction as you scratched his scalp. Mattheo grinned, flashing you a lovesick smile as you rinsed the product out of his hair. 

“I love you so fucking much,” he whispered softly. 

“I love you more,” you countered.

”Impossible.” 

After the two of you dried off, you leaned against the wall and allowed Mattheo to clothe you in his hoodie and sweats. He tied your shoes before giving you a sweet peck. 

“Ready, princesa?” 

You nodded and took his hand. Without the support of the solid wall, your legs wobbled as you struggled to walk. Mattheo caught you around the waist, a smirk tugging at his handsome face. 

“I warned you, Y/N.” He looked entirely too smug and satisfied for your liking. “Told you I’d fuck you until you couldn’t walk.” 

Your boyfriend chuckled as you rolled your eyes. “Poor baby. Don’t worry, mi amor. Let your Matty take care of you, hm?” 

“I take it back. I kind of hate you right now, Mattheo.” 

You squealed as he picked you up bridal style. He didn’t even break a sweat as he carried you across the field. “No, you don’t. But you can fuck me like you do.” 

“Deal.”

[rafesbabyg1rl]

The Watcher ~ Part One

Part Two, Part Three,

Summary: Rafe Cameron x Reader, Stalker!Rafe x Pogue!Reader Reader's parents work late on Friday nights, which she spends alone. Except Reader hasn't been alone in a long time, not that she knows of at least. Rafe has watched you for years, he's very good at it. He has no plans of formally meeting you, as he's satisfied with the current arrangement. He likes it better when Reader doesn't know he's watching. But his idea of staying an anonymous stalker is ruined when reader catches him in her bedroom one Friday night. Rafe has to figure out how to fix his mistake before he loses the only thing that makes his life worth living.

Warnings: Rafe stalks reader...that's literally the entire plot. He's pretty pervy in this, I guess. Masturbation (Rafe) in front of unconscious reader, strong/vulgar language, somnophilia (I guess?), death threat(?). If I missed anything from this part that I should include in the warnings, please let me know!

Word Count: 5.9k

Author Note: My sneak peek got a few likes, so thank you if you liked it, y'all are the reason I'm finally posting this part! I'm not sure how I feel about this fic so far, I definitely have a habit of overly critiquing my own work and never being fully satisfied with it, but I'm trying to get over that. I don't have plans for this fic, it's just going in whatever direction I can think of as I write, so if you have any suggestions, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEE let me know, I'll write pretty much anything. This is my first work published on tumblr and the first thing I've written in years, so I hope it's at least readable, and maybe even a little enjoyable. If just one person enjoys this, then my mission is accomplished. Thank you, I hope you enjoy! And do NOT be shy to share feedback or give suggestions/requests. Again, thank you!

For those of you that DID read the sneak peek, a large portion of this part was included in the sneak peek, but I highly suggest reading it over in it's entirety. This draft has undergone several additional rounds of editing and I believe it is better than the version I published as a sneak peek.

CREDITS: The foundation of this fic was heavily inspired by/ based off of one of @faiszt 's bots on character ai. So, if you like this and you like character ai, I greatly suggest that you check out the bot!

One thing about humans is that we always want what we can’t have, especially when everyone else wants that same thing. It’s just something all humans do; but what happens when you already have more than you need and everything you could ever want? Well, almost everything. Rafe Cameron has more money than he could spend in his own lifetime, he can practically buy anything he wants. Except one thing, you.

At first he just thought you were pretty, but the more he saw you out in public the more and more he liked you. The way you’d talk or laugh when you were out with your friends…god, he could tell just how sweet you are. Too delicate for him to touch, like the wings of a butterfly or the petals of a flower. This is when he went from wanting you to needing you. 

See, another thing about humans is that we admire things. And, admiration can easily turn into obsession. Everyone has been obsessed with something or someone at some point in life, it’s normal. Obsessions will come and go, like a cycle. You get obsessed with something, you get over it, and you let it go until a new obsession marks the beginning of the new cycle. But things are a bit different for Rafe, he has never gotten over anything like, ever. Not once has Rafe Cameron ever let anything in his life go. When Rafe wants something, when he needs something, he will do whatever it takes to get it. And oh, how he needs you.

Rafe’s fascination, his obsession with you has been going on for years. He won’t ever admit it, but his perfectly curated collection of your personal items in his closet proves just how bad he’s been obsessing over you. The first thing he had ever stolen from you was your drink, you had been at the same party and you left your red solo cup about three-quarters full. Nobody noticed anything when he casually picked up the cup and finished the rest of your beer, purposely lining his lips with where yours had touched the cup, which was perfectly marked by the lipstick you had been wearing. After you’d leave a restaurant, he’d take the straws from your drinks. Rafe eventually worked himself up to breaking into your house and stealing your things when nobody was home. And Rafe made sure to explore every single inch of your room. All of your favorite panties? Gone. He’d take everything, your shirts, bras, whatever he liked really. You had noticed things kept disappearing from your room, but you’d just think you misplaced it–whatever it may be, or left it in a bag somewhere. Rafe had a good system. He knows exactly how much and how often he can take from you. 

Rafe knows he’s sick. He knows that it’s wrong to watch you from outside your bedroom window, that it’s wrong to follow you around in public, to purposely bump into you so you have to mutter a ‘sorry’ as you move around him. He just really, really needs you. And in Rafe’s twisted, dark, mess of a mind he believes this is the best way–the only way. He couldn’t treat you like every other girl, no, you were special. You were his and you just didn’t know it yet. Starting early on in his life, Rafe has always been neglected, always pushed into the shadow of his younger sister, Sarah. He’s been told he ruins everything, that everything he touches turns to ash. And you’re way too perfect to ruin. So, he follows you around like a creep, lurking from a distance. Of course you didn't know he’s been following you everywhere…he liked it better that way.

Rafe knew the line had already been crossed. Hell, the line had been crossed a long fucking time ago. He doesn’t care anymore, he needs you. Heaven is smelling like you; and not because you had left your scent on him, but because he had bought the same perfume as you. He needed to know what you smell like, how sweet you are…how sweet you taste. Heaven is watching your chest rise and fall as you sleep peacefully in your bed. Heaven is you.

What Rafe has been doing to you for years could be defined as worship. Rafe was worshiping you. He’s your good boy; your loyal man and he was going to take care of you; protect you, even if you don’t know it yet. You’re what he lives for; you’re all that keeps him going, the only thing he cares about. 

Since he’s been watching you for years, of course he knew your schedule. Of course he knew that on Fridays your parents work late at the local bar & grill that they own. This means you slept in your house by yourself practically every Friday night. So every Friday night, Rafe would sneak in through the back door that you always forget to lock. He just wants to check on you, he wants to see his pretty girl sleeping beautifully, he wants to know that his baby is okay. This is not a crime, it’s not a crime to care; he’s not insane, he’s just in love–if you could even call it that. How can it be wrong to protect what’s his? Oh, and god forbid anyone ever get in the way of his stalking routine, if anyone were to take you away from the inevitable path of meeting him…oh, the things he would do; whatever it takes.

One unforgettable Friday night, you fall asleep on your couch watching a rerun of one of your favorite shows. You enjoy being alone. If only you knew you haven’t been alone for a very long time. You’re woken up by sudden, loud noises coming from your bedroom, but you think maybe it’s just the cat, or maybe you didn’t shut your window. You get up from the couch and in several slow, cautious steps you tiptoe over to your room. When you enter your doorway, you’re immediately greeted by the sight of a tall and broad man standing in the center of your bedroom holding the last shirt you wore to his nose, breathing in your scent. The sight of all this makes you immediately freeze and stand motionless in your bedroom doorway, staring at him blankly. 

Rafe doesn’t startle when he realizes you’ve caught him red-handed. Instead, quite the opposite actually. He’s actually a bit amused, relieved even; if you hadn’t caught him just now, he never would’ve been able to work up the nerve to finally talk to you. He didn’t want to have to be creepy about things between you two, but he couldn’t talk to you like a normal person. It’d be too unpredictable, too unknown. Meeting you like this…he has all of the control. 

“There you are,” he grinned. “How beautiful…” The strangely offputting man gloated in your fear and it was obvious.

You take a step back from where you had been frozen. He takes a step forward. This cannot be happening, you think. Your brows furrow in hopelessness and defeat. Again, you freeze where you are standing, even more afraid to move now. 

You feel like you’ve seen the man before, which you have, plenty of times; but he was careful to never have too big of an interaction, so that you couldn’t recognize his face. You have no clue that you’ve been and always will be his.

 “W-wha…who are you? W-why are you in my house?” You try to keep your voice as strong as possible, but the way your words shake with trepidation betrays you. 

The man takes a quick step forward, slowing to a stop and putting his hands up in mock surrender as you jump back. “Woah, woah, hey…calm down, alright?”, he chuckles when he sees the utter horror and complete fright in your eyes. His tone switches into one of a little more seriousness, “I'm not here to hurt you, you don't need to be so scared...”.  If you didn’t feel like your only choice was to look him in the eyes, you might even believe him. But, you had no other option but to witness the animalistic spark in his eyes that lit up with each word he spoke. With each step he took, you took one further back—your heart dropped into your stomach at the sight of his cocky, twisted smile and the way he looked at you…like you’re a zebra grazing in your natural habitat and he’s the lion waiting to pounce and attack you in your own home. 

“I just wanted to see you," he leaned up against your dresser, taking in the look on your face. His face almost instantly drops the predatory look and adopts one of mock concern, almost convincing enough to hide his amusement. “Hey, it's okay, baby, it’s okay…”

“Please,” you beg. “If you leave I won’t call the cops. I won’t tell.”

Rafe cocks his head and lets out a slow breath, as if he’s disappointed in your reaction; you aren’t supposed to want him to leave. “Hey, hey…I’m not gonna hurt you. Just listen to me…you don’t wanna have to call the cops at three in the morning,” he elaborated. He’s trying to be as convincing as he can because he cannot screw this up. Even so, he still can’t help his smile that only grows at the sight of your terrified face. He shakes the smirk off, adopting a serious expression once more. “Especially when the cops won't be able to do a damn thing.” 

He continues to step closer to you with each word. He stops once his figure is looming over you, looking at you like a lion about to pounce on its prey. “You should really be more careful, sweetheart, leaving the back door open like that at this time of night, when you’re all alone…you never know who might be out there.” His voice is cold as he warns you about the dangers of the world; the dangers of himself. 

“Who are you?” You repeated. The man looks so familiar but you just couldn’t quite place his face anywhere. You just need to know what he wants; who he is. 

“That’s not important right now baby…we’re focused on you, yeah?” The man’s eyes widen, taking in every detail of your face; the only other times he’s seen you this close is when he watches you sleep. 

You could feel his breath on your face as he spoke. The look in his eyes tells you to take another step back, but when your back collides with the wall you jump; there’s nowhere left for you to go and that was exactly how he wanted it. He wanted you like this alone, afraid, and cornered. He loved your fear. The man stares at you with a predatory look although aside from the darkness and lust in his eyes, you can see something else, but…what is it?  

“W-what do you want?” You ask, keeping as calm as you can. Even though with every passing second the air gets thinner and thinner. Your stomach is in knots and your throat starts to close up. Not to mention the stinging tears in your eyes, threatening to fall at any given moment.

“Me?” he cocked an eyebrow, his eyes shamelessly roaming your body as he blew out a huff. “I just wanna have a little chat, that's all...” The unknown man takes another step towards you, invading your personal space, his tall frame towering over you as his bottom lip finds a home between his teeth. Rafe reaches up and tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. “No need to be so scared, baby...”

“T-talk about what?” You have no idea what this man who you don’t know, could possibly want to talk about with you. Why is he acting like he knows you when you’re sure you’ve never even seen him before? Why is he…admiring you? No, that couldn’t be right. The mystery man is so confusing, all his twists and turns giving you whiplash. 

“Ah, you see...” he responds, pausing to place his other hand on the wall behind you, almost trapping you in. You feel his hot breath against the sensitive skin of your face, burning you like hot steam. His breath was slow and steady. He was completely calm. He liked this. He gave you a genuine smirk, bringing his face closer to your ear. “It’s more of a proposition really…”

“What is it…?” You ask. Not out of curiosity because honestly, you’re too afraid to know. But because you figure things might, just might go better for you if you play along. He stayed silent for a moment—enjoying the look in your eyes and your erratic breathing.

“All this fear…all this trembling...” he trails off as he brings his hand up to your chin, his thumb slowly tracing the outline of your lower lip. “It's nice to finally meet you...” He chuckles and leans in so that his lips nearly touch your ear. “Will you stop shaking like that if I tell you what I want?” His thumb moves from your bottom lip and he tucks a piece of your hair behind your ear; he doesn’t want anything getting in the way of his view of your pretty face.“Hmmm?” he challenged. “Or will you still be shaking like a scared little puppy?”

“I-I don’t…” You stutter, not being able to speak or even think clearly with the way he’s glaring at you. 

“Shhhh… ” he tutted, bringing his other hand from the wall to your lower back and drawing you even closer to him—until your body was almost flush against his, his touch surprisingly warm. “You're not answering my question,” he whispers your name as he runs his fingers through your hair, it’s softer than he’d imagined. 

“Please just…” The tears were no longer threatening as they began to fall down your cheeks. “Please…” Hearing this man who you do not know, say your name, was probably the most frightening thing to happen to you yet. 

“Shhh, stop that...” he calmly commanded when he saw the tears falling from your pretty eyes. Rafe's voice was soft but stern—he hated seeing you so distressed. His hand moved from your lower back to your chin, making you look up at him. “Hey it’s okay…it’s okay baby, no need for tears. I just wanna talk to you is all." You almost believe him for a moment with how sincere the glint in his eyes appeared. But you’ve picked up on his manipulative expressions. 

“My parents will be home soon…” You vaguely remember your parents mentioning something about something and blah blah blah…they’re closing early tonight. You really hope it’s true and isn’t just a figment of your imagination; something your mind is making up so you don’t completely give up. 

A cocky smile returned to his face as he let a small huff of amusement slip past his lips. He knew your parents were working late, just like every other Friday night. "Bullshit,” he chuckled. His hand moved back to your lower back, holding you against him. “It’s just you and me, pretty girl.” He grabs your waist and within the next second, you’re on your bed and he’s hovering over you. You can feel his hot breath in your ear, you can smell him, feel the excessive heat radiating from his body. He speaks quietly now, more serious than he’s been this entire time, “Don’t ever fuckin’ lie to me again. Got it?”

His words provoke a small whimper from you. How long has he been watching you? What’s he gonna do? What does he want to talk about? Your mind is filled with questions you’re too afraid to ask. “I-I’m not lying.” He leans down, his lips almost touching yours. Rafe’s eyes are looking straight into yours, admiring the complete and utter fear your eyes possess. He doesn’t want you to be scared of him. But fuck, does he love it.

“Oh yeah?” He mumbles as he presses his face into your hair, taking in your scent. He can’t believe he’s finally this close to you. He didn’t think it’d ever happen, and if you didn’t catch him tonight, it probably wouldn’t have. It’s meant to be, he thinks. “What did I tell you about lying, hm baby? I know you’re fuckin’ lyin’ to me, so you wanna try that again?”

Before your brain could muster up some bullshit response, the sound of the front door unlocking echoes through the hall and into your bedroom. Rafe holds his breath and puts his hand over your mouth, causing your eyes to widen as he leans to the side to glance down the hallway at the front door. “Shh…”, he whispers. You weren’t lying. Your parents came home from work early and they’re about to turn the doorknob and come inside the house. Rafe looks at you, the look in his eyes beyond unsettling. “Tell the cops…tell anyone, and I’ll come back and fuckin’ kill you, okay? This is our secret. Don’t make me come back and hurt you babe, I really, really don’t wanna have to do that, alright?” 

He has to be bluffing, right? But, when you look up to meet his gaze, you can tell; you can tell he meant every single syllable that he spoke. It’s not like the cops would believe you if you said you had a stalker anyways, you’re a pogue. And cops never believe a pogue. Rafe doesn’t need a response from you, the fear in your eyes tells him all he needs to know.

 Just before you hear the front door open, Rafe smirks at you. “We’re gonna have so much fun together baby.” Reluctantly, the disturbed man leans back and takes his hands away from you. Without another word, he walks over to your bedroom window and pushes it open. Before ducking to climb out, the large man looks back at you. Your breath hitches even further if that’s even possible.

 “Goodnight puppy.” The outline of his smug grin is visible even in the darkness of your room. Just as you hear the quiet voices of your parents enter your house, the dark figure turns and exits your window. When the man is outside you sit up and rush over to shut and lock the window behind him. 

With caution, Rafe watches as your mother comes to peek her head in your bedroom. She only lingers in your doorway long enough to see your dark shape laying in bed. Covered in blankets, you pretend to sleep, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to hold a casual conversation with your mother at the moment. And the last thing you want to do is raise any alarm. Not while he’s out there–whoever he is. Hot, salty tears fall from your eyes, wetting the soft skin of your cheeks. When she shuts the door, you let out a shaky breath, finally being able to breathe.But, you keep your eyes sealed shut. At least then you can’t see if the man is still watching you from outside your window. You lie awake for hours, how are you meant to go back to sleep after whatever the hell just happened? All you can do now is wait. Is he coming back? When will he come back? Who is he? Why does he want you? There’s a million different questions and worst scenarios circling around in your head. So, you just wait, it’s all you can do. 

As you wait, the hours turn into days, days turning into a week as the next Friday approaches you; you spend your time worrying about having to be home alone again. There still had been no sign of him since your encounter last week, but you decide to stay the night at a friend’s house, not wanting to take the risk. The second Friday after you came face-to-face with your stalker, you get a friend to spend the night with you. And now, after four weeks of waiting there’s still no sign of the deranged man. Although, if you had no knowledge of him stalking you for years he clearly is good at staying hidden. As the fourth Friday approaches, you think over your options. You can go to a friend’s house or have a friend stay over, as you’ve been doing. But, you’re tired of waiting for something to happen. You’re sick of not feeling safe in your own home and of having to look over your shoulder at all times. You used to love being alone, and now it’s been weeks since you’ve spent any time to yourself. You’ve had enough. This Friday you’re not hiding, you’re done being a coward. You will not allow this creep to keep taking away everything you love; you won’t allow yourself to waste any more time worrying about that psycho. So, you stay at home by yourself. He’s not gonna show, right? He was just bluffing or on drugs or something, that’s what you convince yourself.

You pull back the fluffy comforter on your bed and climb in. You pull the covers up and completely over yourself, you used to do this as a little girl when you’d have a nightmare or you’re scared of the thunder or the monster in your closet. If the blanket could protect you when you were little it should work now…right? Well, maybe it’d still work if you had a nightmare, but logically, what is it gonna do against your stalker? But no matter how much you force yourself to believe that he’s not coming back, you still find yourself praying. You’ve never been very religious, but recently you pray to whoever will listen. 

You had bought some sleeping pills from the store a few days after you discovered your secret stalker. They helped you sleep, since your brain hasn’t once stopped thinking about him since the whole fiasco. Reaching over, you pull out the drawer of your nightstand. You grab the bottle of pills, you swallow a couple dry and set the rest on your nightstand. The pills start to kick in quite sooner than usual, must be because you took double the amount…you’re gonna need them to fall asleep tonight. Your first night alone in weeks. In just a few short minutes, you’re out cold, buried underneath an absurd amount of pillows and blankets.

Rafe spent the past few weeks feeling overwrought after what he did. He feels wrong–a feeling he’s not used to experiencing. But it’s because he knows he’s ruined any chance he might’ve had with you. Before you caught him in your bedroom, he had a chance that you could meet him regularly and think he was just a normal guy. But now, all hopes of you ever thinking he’s ‘normal’ have been abandoned. He actually feels shame and…regret for his actions? He’s been seeing less and less of you, and it’s making him angry, so fucking angry. Your schedule has been relatively the same for the past years and now you’re switching it up? You’re hiding from him; running from him just like everyone else in his life. Maybe the things his family has been saying about him for most of his life is true; maybe everything he touches does turn to ash. God, why does he ruin everything? 

You are the one thing, the only thing that Rafe did not want to ruin. You’re the one thing in his life that’s too perfect to ruin…too innocent. But, the damage has been done. He doesn't have many options left. He could leave you alone, but then he’d be weak for not sticking to his word and he can’t have you thinking he’s weak and that you have the power. He could go back, but then what would he do? There was absolutely no way in hell you’d seriously talk to him, and he didn’t want to force himself onto you. He really wanted you to need him back, you have to want it. But everything you do or say now will be out of fear, it’ll be you trying to stay alive. He wanted you to be desperate for him, not desperate to get rid of him. Either way, you’re never gonna forgive him; you’ll always hate him now. Since you’ll feel the same no matter what he does now, he decides that he just needs to see you, he needs to talk to you again. It’s been far too long since he’s been close to you. He can’t take another goddamn second without seeing his reason to live.

He hurries over to your house, parking an entire block away as usual. He makes sure no eyes are on him as he sneaks around to your backyard. Rafe tries peeking through the curtains that block your window to see if you were in bed or not, but he can’t get a good view. He needs to know if you’re home. He needs to see you. 

Rafe sneaks around to the side of your house, checking all windows and doors in the process, but he has no such luck. But he doesn’t give up yet, he’ll get in, he’ll find a way. He tries the side door that leads into your garage. He lets out a giant breath of relief when the door clicks open. Once he’s inside the garage, he takes a quick glance around to analyze his surroundings and burn every inch of your house into his memory. When he finally enters your house, he takes his time to look around. Obviously Rafe knew you were a pogue–he knew everything about you, but you never really looked or acted like one. However, the inside of your home puts your life on display, making it very clear you’re a pogue. 

You sleep soundly, only being interrupted by the occasional dream; completely unaware that your stalker is making his way down the hall and into your bedroom. Rafe opens the door quietly. Your room is dark like the rest of your house, but the moonlight shining through your thin curtains provides just enough light that he can see the outline of your sleeping body. Now that your presence has been confirmed, he feels like he can finally breathe and he lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. 

Before he became totally obsessed with you and he’d see you occasionally in public, you used to just make him horny. He’d catch a glimpse of your smile or hear the softness in the way you spoke, or the innocence in your sweet laugh and his dick would be hard within seconds. And when his obsession grew and he’d watch you more frequently, sex with other girls started not doing anything for him. He needed you…he needs you. When he actually started paying attention to the way you spoke, the way you acted, he fell in love–what he thinks is love anyways. Rafe realized you’re the sweetest, most pure person he’s ever known. He didn’t think people like you really existed. His discovery led him to watch you more closely, he started taking more risks just because he needed to find your flaw. There’s no way you’re actually this perfect, it has to be an act. Now, after years of watching you he can confidently say that you really are just that perfect. Rafe needs you for more than just getting off now, he needs your comfort, he needs the kindness that radiates off of you. Which is why he’s always trying to find a way to get closer to you, he needs to absorb your sweetness. But hes really done it now; he’s fucked up big time. You hate him.

He hadn’t realized that the hate he brought upon you would tint the kindness that radiates for your being. He has to get you to let go of the hate he’s caused you, he needs you to be yourself again. He just doesn't know how, if it’s even possible.

 As you sleep soundly, his large frame towers over you as he stares down at you through the darkness. You look so peaceful, so innocent. It physically pains him to know that he’s taken away parts of your innocence. All he can do is stare at you as he mentally curses himself. He can’t wake you up and ruin your small moment of peace. It’s better if you don’t know he’s there. 

Your stalker slowly raises his hand and uses his thumb and pointer finger to pull your blanket down to your knees. Even with the blankets pulled down most of your body was hidden from him. Almost everything is left to the imagination in the loose, patterned pj pants and the oversized, long sleeve shirt that you’re wearing. He can only see a small portion of your lower stomach due to your shirt slightly riding up. And that small bit of skin is enough to trigger his memories of you. Because of course he’s seen you countless times; he’s got your body memorized.

He’s practically panting as he takes in the sight of you, imagining that you’re unclothed beneath him; his memory is sharp enough to almost see it. His cock grows to press against his jeans and his eyes trail up to your beautiful face. The ache in his needy cock starts to become unbearable. Your name slips past his lips in the form of a mumble when he starts to palm himself through his newly tightened jeans. 

Okay, Rafe has definitely jerked off to the thought of you, your smell…everything about you makes him lose whatever control he ever even had to begin with. Something he hasn’t gotten to do yet is jerk off with you right in front of him as a live viewing source, fresh for his eyes. He’s gonna be able to cross that off the bucket list soon enough; he can’t wait any longer. His hand stops its ministrations over his jeans as his head turns and he moves over to your closet, grabbing a pair of delicate, worn panties from the top of your laundry hamper. He brings the treasure up to his nose to smell you. God, he could cream his fucking pants right now. He quietly walks back over to you, taking a look at the pill bottle on your nightstand. He picks it up with his free hand, eyes quickly scanning over the label. He smirks as he sets it back down. Rafe turns his head to look back at you. His smirk grows even wider as he leans back, cocking his head as he observes you. Yeah, you’re definitely gonna be out for a while.

With his pants and boxers around his ankles, he stands over you. Your panties between his hand and his cock as his fist slowly pumps up and down his length. His other hand meticulously pulls your shirt up to reveal your chest.

“Fuckkk…” he whispers under his breath as his bottom lip is held captive between his teeth. Your perfect tits are spilling out of your bra as you lie asleep on your back. He lightly fiddles with the ends of your hair as his hand pumps over his dick repeatedly and without rhythm. He takes his time, Rafe never likes to rush this. Especially not with you.

Your subconscious mind reacts to his light touch and sounds, pulling you into a wet dream; seeing as a main side effect of the medication you took was vivid dreams. You’ve also been unusually horny lately, probably because you’d been too afraid to touch yourself when you thought you were being watched twenty-four/seven. His fingers trail up your stomach and into the valley of your breasts with feather light touch.

You stir a bit, not because you felt him, but because the dream you’ve been thrown into by your subconscious is starting to get your body all worked up. You’ve been extra horny recently and keep having sex dreams since you haven’t been able to touch yourself the past few weeks, having a stalker and all. As he leans down to lightly kiss the skin in between your boobs, a moan slips past his lips, vibrating off of your skin and interrupting the mostly silent room. The only other sound that can be heard in the quiet room is that caused by Rafe’s hand quickly moving up and down his cock; the friction caused by the soft fabric of your panties generates a quiet noise. Pre-cum leaks from his slit and seeps into the fabric of your recently worn panties. He leans back down to create a hickey on your chest and hopes that you won’t wake up from the sudden feeling, although if you did that might be even better. Shaking the selfish thought out of his head, he sucks strongly at the smooth skin between your beautiful tits. He pulls his mouth off with a pop! Leaning back to see the mark he left, he smirks knowing you’ll see it too eventually. The already rhythmless movements of his hand gets even more erratic the closer he gets to reaching his orgasm. 

The man standing above you runs his hand back down your chest and abdomen as you sleep. Completely unaware of what's happening to your physical body right now, you begin to get all wrapped up in your dream. You only ever get sex dreams when you’re so overly horny, which you’ve been the past few weeks. That combined with the sleeping medication you took, made this particular dream feel different; it felt so…real. The only dream-like part about it was that you couldn’t see the man's face for whatever reason. 

While you’re in a deep sleep, you involuntarily let out a needy whine as your active mind plays games with you. When Rafe hears you he thinks he imagined it, until he hears you do it again. He wonders if you could feel him, except he’s not even touching you right now. Realizing that's clearly not the reason, he furrows his brows in confusion. He pulls the duvet cover completely off of you to reveal the way you keep periodically squirming as your body searches for the same feeling your mind is experiencing; and the way your toes tighten up and curl as you’re tricked into thinking you feel pleasure. 

He can’t take it, not when you look like this. The man hovering over your unconscious figure lets out a lewd moan that corrupts the silence as hot strings of his cum spurt out of the pink, glistening tip of his cock and onto the pair of your panties that he's got clenched in his fist, immediately soaking into the fabric. Surprisingly, when he gets through his orgasm, he adoringly covers you back up with your blankets and leaves your house, locking the door he entered through to be sure you were safe. He got enough to satisfy him for now as he works on a plan to change the way you think of him.  He’ll be back for more of you soon enough. He has to fix this; the biggest mistake he’s ever made and the only regret he’ll ever carry. 

To be continued...

Thank you for reading! I hope this was enjoyable and not a waste of time. I spent a lot of time on this part, especially with the editing since I never really feel done with anything. If you have literally ANY feedback, questions, or suggestions, PLEASE feel free to let me know! I don't really have any solid plans for this fic so if you have any ideas I just might include them, there's not much I won't write!

I'd like to thank @faiszt for inspiring me to write this fic!

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 1, Unarmed - Pt. 3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, poorly translated Russian, mentions of CSA/trafficking, mentions of death, emotional repression of childhood trauma, Bucky nightmares, bonding over trauma, some fluff and comfort.

Word Count: 2.6k

Previously On...: You literally ran into Bucky in the hallway outside your rooms and bond over a shared love of Middle Earth like the fucking nerds you are. This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

A/N: I know this part introduces some heavy backstory for our Dear Reader. Please know writing this for her has been a therapeutic exercise for me in dealing with trauma from my own childhood, which, coincidentally, has been shoved back into the forefront of my life recently, forcing me to re-evaluate things I thought I had processed. Please know that I'm not approaching this subject flippantly, and her reactions/attitudes have been based on my own healing (or rather, suppressing) journey.

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @blackhawkfanatic @marcswife21

Your friendship with Bucky only continued to grow from there. There was something about him, his quiet demeanor, his gentle sense of humor, that made you feel an immediate connection with him, as if you'd known him for ages instead of just a few weeks. You weren't one to open up to others easily; it had taken you over a year to trust that Tony didn't have any ulterior motives for befriending you, but with Bucky, it was effortless, as if you couldn't have stopped it even if you wanted to.

About three weeks into his residency at the Tower, you were exposed to your first instance of one of Bucky's nightmares. He'd told you he frequently had them, but you'd yet to experience one firsthand. You hadn't been able to sleep-- your own losing battle with insomnia--, so you were coming back up from getting a late night snack in the communal kitchen when you heard the muffled shouting coming from behind his door. At first, you were going to ignore it, sure that it was his television, but you heard him utter a single, desperate "Pozhaluysta," the sound of it so heartbreaking that your breath caught in your lungs. Please.

Crossing over to Bucky's door, you knocked softly. "Bucky? It's Pocket. Are you okay? I heard shouting." You waited for an answer... but nothing. Taking a step closer, you put an ear to the door, holding your breath. You could make out the sound of frantic thrashing, cries of "Net!" and then a whimper. He sounded like he was in trouble, like he was in pain.

"FRIDAY," you said to the AI that ran the tower, "open the door."

"I'm sorry, Ms. (Y/L/N), but Sergeant Barnes has locked his door for the evening."

"For fucks' sake, FRIDAY," you muttered. "Enact override protocol 346.78C." There was no point in being the Avenger's resident computer genius if you couldn't hack their home automation system, was there? You heard the click of Bucky's door unlocking. Turning the handle and hoping that asking him for forgiveness was easier than asking for permission, you stepped inside.

It took a moment for your eyes to adjust, but once you were able to make out shapes in the gloom of the darkened suite, you saw that the layout was relatively similar to your own. You made your way over to the bed, expecting to see Bucky writhing on it in the midst of his nightmare, but it was empty, stripped of all bedding, just a bare mattress.

Then you heard him, thrashing from the space between the bed and the wall. You shuffled over to the other side and found the super soldier lying on the floor, tangled in his sheets. A thin sheen of sweat covered his naked torso, a pair of sweat pants riding low on his hips. His face was contorted in agony as his head twisted from side to side.

"Net! Net!" he cried out in Russian, fighting off invisible assailants, "Pozhaluysta, ne nado! Eto bol'no!" No! No! Please, no! It hurts!

It physically pained your heart to see him struggling like this, so you did the first thing that came to mind-- you threw yourself across him, wrapping your arms around his body and holding him in place, whispering back to him in Russian: "Ty v poryadke, ty v poryadke. Ty v bezopasnosti. Nikto ne mozhet prichinit' tebe vred." You're okay, you're okay. You're safe. No one can hurt you. "I've got you, Bucky. You're safe."

It was a long moment before you realized that his thrashing had stopped, his heartbeat had slowed, and he had wrapped his arm around you, holding you to him as if you were a lifeline.

You pulled back, allowing him to sit up.

"Pocket?" he asked, voice laced with confusion at seeing you, as though he wasn't sure if he was actually awake or not. "What are you doing here? And... were you speaking Russian, or was I dreaming?"

Suddenly shy, you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, avoiding looking at him. Jesus. He literally just woken up to you throwing yourself on top of him. "I-I'm sorry," you stammered. "I was walking by, and it sounded like you were having a nightmare. I was worried, so I came in to check on you. I'll let you go back to sleep. Sorry." You got up to go, but his hand reached out and encircled your wrist, gently holding you in place.

"No," he murmured, pulling you back down to the floor next to him. "You were right, I was having a nightmare. I... I told you I get them, sometimes. Memories, really. Of things Hydra... did to me. Things they... things they made me do. Thank you," he looked up at you, catching your eyes through the darkness and holding your gaze. "Thank you for waking me up, for taking me out of it."

You gulped, the night becoming far more intimate than you could have anticipated when you went downstairs to grab a pint of ice cream earlier. You forced a smile. "Of course. What are friends for?"

"Are we?" he asked, his voice suddenly low, causing a pool of warmth to collect in the bottom of your stomach. "Friends?"

"Of course, Buck." You gave him a concerned look. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"Because I'm a monster, Pocket." Bucky lowered his head in his shame. "I'm a murderer and a monster."

"Oh, Bucky, no." You took his chin into your hands and brushed a strand of hair away from his face. "Sweetie, no, you're not. You were a victim. You didn't consent to a single thing Hydra made you do. I know that it's going to take you a long time to believe that, but it's the truth. I promise you it is." He closed his eyes and nodded.

"Pocket, do you think..." he looked away from you, almost shyly, "do you think you could stay? After a nightmare, I... Well, I don't really like being alone."

"And Rogers isn’t one for midnight cuddling, huh?" you teased, a playful smile on your lips. You couldn't see it, but you could practically feel the sardonic look he was giving you. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Yes, I'll stay. But Bucky, I have one rule--"

"I'll keep my hand to myself and be a perfect gentleman, I promise," he said solemnly.

"Pfft," you scoffed. "I don't give a shit about that. Be as handsy as you want. No, my one rule is: I am not sleeping on the fucking floor." Bucky rewarded you with another one of his genuine laughs. You couldn't articulate how happy it made you feel knowing that you were the cause of that laughter.

"You got it," he said, as he stood up and began to move his sheets and pillows back to the bed. "Nothing but the best for you, doll."

Your insides glowed at this new nickname, and you were positive he was going to notice how his words made you light up in the dark. You busied yourself with helping him make up the bed before crawling under the covers. You tried not to be too obvious as you inhaled the scent of Bucky on the pillowcase. He smelled like cedar and leather and something unidentifiable that was just so quintessentially Bucky that it had become your favorite scent. You wanted to bottle it up and use it like a fabric spray so you'd always be surrounded by it. 

The bed dipped as Bucky got in, pulling the covers up over himself. "Thank you for this, Pocket," he whispered.

You turned onto your side to face him. "Of course. Any time, Bucky; I sincerely mean that. I know what it's like; I have them, too."

"You do?" You felt him reach for you in the dark, taking your hand and interlacing his fingers with yours. "You can tell me about them. If you want to."

You nodded, before realizing he probably couldn't see you, so you hummed an affirmative. There was something about the cover of night that made you feel brave, safe in opening up to Bucky; you found yourself wanting to tell him what kept you awake at night. You took a deep breath.

"I... didn't have the best childhood," you began, trying to keep your voice steady. "My father took off before I was old enough to even remember what he looked like, and my mother was always more interested in getting high than she was with being a parent. I was in and out of foster care for a while when I was a little girl." Buck squeezed your hand in sympathy and you continued: "Then she got this boyfriend, Darren." God, even now, the taste of his name on your tongue was like bitter bile. "For a little while, things were… better. Mom got her shit together enough that Social Services sent me back to live with her. I could almost believe that things were going to be okay. I mean, we even stayed in the same place for more than six months. I went to school regularly. It almost made me feel like a normal kid."

"What happened?" You barely heard Bucky's whispered question. You let out a harsh, disillusioned laugh.

"Puberty," you told him. "I turned eleven, got boobs and suddenly Darren's paying a lot more attention to me." You felt Bucky tense in the bed beside you. "Of course, that's entirely my fault, right?" you continued. "At least according to my mother. They started fighting more often, and she went back to the booze and meth. Stopped giving a shit about everything. Going to work, paying bills, making sure I went to school, whether or not I even ate. Only thing that mattered was where the next fix was going to come from." You took a breath. This next part was the hardest, and Tony was the only one you'd ever told the entire truth of the matter to.

"And with Mom incapacitated, boyfriend feels he's got free reign," Bucky supplied for you.

"Yeah," you swallowed, grateful you hadn't needed to actually say it, yourself.

"Pocket," Bucky began, "that's aw--"

"There's more," you admitted before he could continue. "Darren liked to bet on horses but, like absolutely everything else he ever did, he was complete shit at it. Ended up owing some horrible guys a lot of money. There was no way in hell he'd have been able to come up with it, so he... proposed a trade."

"God," Bucky breathed. "Oh, Pocket. I am so, so sorry."

"Thanks," you said, wishing that was the end of it, but knowing that you still weren't finished. "Darren realized he had a valuable commodity that a, uh, certain kind of man would pay good money for, and he wasn't just going to let such a lucrative income stream go to waste. He was an idiot, but he wasn't that dumb."

Next to you, Bucky sucked in a breath. You could practically feel him vibrating with anger for your younger self. "How long?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"Seven years, more or less. When I turned 18, I grabbed every important document I could get my hands on, hightailed it to Boston and never looked back. But the memories, the nightmares? They still haunt me. Even after all this time, they’ve never fully gone away. So, you know, I get it."

There was silence for a moment, but then Bucky cleared his throat and asked: "Where is he now?"

"He's got himself a nice little plot of land in Pensacola," you said, a smile ghosting your face.

"So, he got off Scott-free." Bucky's voice was a low growl.

"Oh, I didn't say that, you said slyly. "That nice little plot is a pauper's grave at Pensacola Federal Prison Camp. Bastard got himself shanked in the slammer about ten years ago. Happiest day of my fucking life.

Bucky's laugh was low and dry. "What about your mom? Please tell me she got what she deserved, too."

You shifted slightly, propping your head up onto your hand. "Honestly, I have no idea what happened to her. The way she drank, she's probably long dead by now, and I could honestly not care less. That's why I have everyone call me Pocket." Bucky moved to mirror your position, using a pillow to prop himself up instead of an arm, so you were laying eye to eye, only a few inches separating your faces.

"Okay, explain to me how that makes sense," he said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, his warm breath fanning pleasantly across your skin.

His touch was gentle and you found yourself subtly leaning into it. "My legal name is (Y/N)," you told him. "It was my mother's name, too. I know that 'Pocket's a ridiculous nickname, but when people call me that, it's like I'm someone else, someone new. I'm not that scared little girl that had all those horrible things happen to her. I'm someone I made myself into." Your voice had dropped to barely a whisper as you admitted it to him.

He studied you for a moment before speaking, voice low. "Thank you for trusting me with this, Pocket." 

You let out a small laugh. "I think we might need to make each other some matching friendship bracelets or something after all of this sharing," you told him. Bucky laughed with you, and the tension that had been hovering in the air lessened. You hadn't meant to get so deep into your personal history, or to get emotional, but sharing your story with Bucky brought you a sense of relief; at the very least, you'd helped take Bucky's mind off of his own nightmares, even if it had meant delving back into your own.

You both fell silent for a moment, and then Bucky spoke again, his voice soft and hesitant. "Pocket, can I ask you something? A favor?"

You looked at him, noticing how his eyes glinted in the dark. "Yeah, of course, Bucky. What's up?"

He swallowed audibly, his grip returning to your hand. "I don't want to overstep or make you uncomfortable, so maybe this is too much to ask, but… do you think…  maybe we could… I don't know… be there for each other? You know, when we have nightmares? Just... hold each other, maybe?"

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, your mind suddenly racing with implications. Was he suggesting what you thought he was suggesting? Did he want to… cuddle with you? Your body was suddenly acutely aware of how close you were to him, of the heat that radiated off of his body. You licked your lips before answering, your voice coming out a little huskier than you intended. "I mean… I wouldn't be opposed to that. If you think it would help, then I'm all for it."

Bucky let out a small sigh of relief, his hand moving to cup your cheek, his thumb rubbing soothing circles. "Thank you, Pocket. You have no idea how much it means to me."

You leaned into his touch, a shiver running down your spine at the gentleness of it. "I think I might. I mean, I don't know exactly what you went through, but I know what it's like to feel scared and alone."

Bucky leaned in, his lips brushing against your forehead as he whispered, "Neither of us have to be alone anymore. We'll be here for each other."

And then, without another word, he wrapped his arm around you, pulling you close to his chest. You could feel the beat of his heart, steady and strong, and the warmth that radiated off of him made you feel safe, taken care of. You wrapped your arms around him in return, feeling a new sense of peace and security you hadn't known in a long, long time. Maybe ever.

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[mdhwrites]

https://www.tumblr.com/everysongineverykey/709979889023008768/the-owl-house-was-really-like-oh-yeah-by-the-way-a?source=share

Thoughts on this post?

So my immediate thoughts were two things: One was that I always feel awkward responding to other posts because I try not to shit stir most of the time. Two though was that I just agreed with it. The reality of the Hexside kids is purely played for laughs despite being horribly traumatizing on pretty much every level. That's just true.

Then I saw the tag saying it wasn't a criticism.

So was it okay for Hexside to be treated like this? Wartwood had a similar rebellion and it had its own silly things like a themed food Friday and people still being their quirky selves. It works there however because while dealing with what life throws at you is a theme of the work, trauma specifically isn't really. It's there, I've talked about how smart Amphibia is with it to keep its tone consistent but that subtlety also makes it so that not dwelling on it is fine.

If I were to give TOH S3 a theme of some sort... It WOULD be trauma. I don't think it does this theme well, at all, but it is a consistent motif. Hunter's trauma about Belos, Luz's trauma about... Fucking everything if I'm frank but her core trauma is resolved at least once in each episode, technically twice in the finale. They graft on trauma out of nowhere for Willow. She's never dependable Willow, soft spoken and never complaining at all times, but now she is so she has some sort of trauma to deal with while also dealing with Hunter's new trauma of losing Flapjack. One could even argue that Belos has it running throughout because his desperation is potentially fueled by trauma of losing his brother and having his world shatter around him by his brother betraying what ostensibly would have been both of theirs core beliefs. You even have the Collector going through his shit with having been trapped alone for so long.

And then you have Hexside where no one cares about how traumatic all of this has been... Except Boscha. And Boscha is played subtlely, much closer to Amphibia, rather than the capital t TRAUMA that the rest of the cast is going through. As such, most people who watched didn't give a shit and just saw it as a half baked redemption arc rather than continuing a theme because yeah, why would you? What does she even have to say about trauma? That you'll get kicked even harder while you're down and the only option is to move on by yourself and just pretend like it didn't happen?

And that's honestly a problem with the theme in general. So much of the answer to "How do I deal with this," for TOH is to go "I'm awesome and amazing and fuck you for ever thinking otherwise!" It's the conclusion for Hunter's trauma with Belos, we don't get a conclusion with Flapjack really, it's the statement that Luz makes for her character finish of just how much she wants the entire world to recognize she's a bombass nerd -_-, and it's even how the series wraps up with only Luz getting the Titan's power and only her, while she quotes her favorite books, actually attacking Belos. This is your reminder that all the co-op attacks with King and Eda were done far away from Belos, fighting random slime for literally no reason besides the fact that both Luz and the show got lost for about a minute. Willow is the only one where compassion for needing to actually, you know, process your pain and be supported and helped with it might be the answer but again, it's not a core trauma to the character. It's a clumsily grafted on element that also has Willow force Hunter to confront his trauma with Flapjack which IS the answer for him so it's also contradictory. It's not given nearly the same weight as the stuff with Hunter and Belos or ALL OF LUZ where their answers are just 'deal with it'.

(Bonus points to Luz's core problem theoretically being that she was WRONG about Philip and at least two of the endings to that trauma, with her friends and with the Titan, are her being told "You're wrong for worrying," like that would help at all.)

So then you have Hexside where their trauma is ignore and played for laughs so you can just do normal fantasy rebellion stuff mixed with teen rebellion stuff. It's not bad when measured that way but it's contradictory to many of the points that the whole abridged season is trying to make. It's an element that conflicts with your core theme. It's akin to how we're supposed to take Hunter leaving the EC seriously and as this grand pain of his... And then also have people mocking Lilith for it and even having her go "I'm realizing I was bad at my job" back in S2 because fuck her and her trauma I guess.

And don't tell me it's because it's a kid's show. Boscha could have easily been the surrogate for all of Hexside and then you kick out Miki and just have Boscha to deal with. Focus the episode around getting her to open up, be defenseless, maybe almost get turned into a puppet for it as it seems her fears were justified... Before she looks up to find she's behind one of Matt's pillars and everyone is coming out to help protect Boscha. Because the only reason they've gotten through this is together and while they're happy Boscha has actually helped them despite her pain, she shouldn't be dealing with this alone. All of them will do better if they share this pain and so we get them kicking the ass of one of the Collector's hunter stars and the plan be to ride it up to the Archive for the main crew before they get snatched off of it. It has more to say about the complexities of trauma and how you can't just power through it, allows an acknowledgement of what this world has done to these people, all while still allowing the rest of Hexside besides Boscha to be silly and upbeat because they've been doing what they need to handle all of this.

So yeah, I think the blog itself is correct. I think calling itself not criticism though means ignoring what all of these conflicting elements mean for the season overall. Yeah, it's a cute segment as is but when you have a show like TOH that is trying SO HARD to say something... Shouldn't we be critical of when it's failing to do that or even muffling it's own voice?

Because the hex on this side of the Isles could have been used to do something more but instead was treated like a cute charm to fill time. That's not okay. See you next tale.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[kry3talline]

10.23.2024 Overall Rating/Performance- 5/10 So, today was kinda...off. Breakfast started out okay; I can't skip out on this one, since I eat with family. But I ate mindfully, bare minimum, and didn't overeat! I was so proud of myself too (1 egg white, some berries, cucumber, some tomatoes). I would give myself a 6/10. Meanwhile, for lunch I kind of messed up; I was starting to feel the hunger pangs pass, and I was doing so well; I honestly feel like I could've gone without it, until I actually took out my food ( I give half to my friend since she doesn't bring her own and doesn't get to eat at home-). Had some cucumber with berries at first, before breaking and having a smaller amount of potatoes and pork loin. Potatoes legit SCARE ME. These were fried too;so, a 4/10. Dinner? I was planning on skipping, but I knew I had a meeting with friends coming up, and whenever those happens, I recently have been ending up bingeing if I go over hungry. I wanted to prevent that, so I had some yogurt with fruit and chia seeds (no nuts, thank god; I'm working on that habit.) Then, when my friends were having brownies, I managed to yap, and they didn't notice until later; when one of them pointed out I didn't have any, I felt compelled to take some....and I'm not sure how to explain it, but any time I give myself permission to have a bit of a treat, I lose control. I ended up going back for seconds and thirds, and ending up with peanut butter and Nutella too. So, uhm, 1/10. The only thing I can say that came out good is I was CONSIDERING going back for fourths and taking another biscuit, and having pumpkin butter when i got home (this is so fucking embarrassing to type, I literally CANNOT-right now-), but I recalled some posts I saw on here..."don't compound on your mistakes". Anyhow...I don't feel physically ill. So,uhm, yay ig? I know I probably reverted a LOT of my progress since today was a 'rest' day and Ive been on my ass all day, so I'm not going to weigh myself until Sunday evening- I NEED to lock in Thursday-Friday since Saturday is hoco, and we're going out for dinner. Might try the Cassie method. I actually need someone to send me m3eanspo or something;self-control is practically non-existent here. Stay safe lovelies

[finalgirlminamurray]

@marypsue thank you for your replies on this post! i'm going to reply back in its own post to give myself more space:

"Okay, a. Have you read Stephen Graham Jones' Indian Lake Trilogy? PLEASE read Stephen Graham Jones' Indian Lake Trilogy."

YES i absolutely loved those books! i actually was thinking about them and other meta horror books i'd read around the same time and it led to this post. more specifically i was thinking about how i read my heart is a chainsaw right after reading the final girl support group and i have to say it blew that book right out of the water when it came to meta slasher novels. i'm probably going to make another thoughts post on why i think one worked for me and the other left me kind of disappointed because that's what i was originally thinking about.

"b. I'm hard agreeing with you about the cast being sorted into roles and those roles being much narrower and stricter in some of the 'meta commentary' horror than they ever were in what they're trying to comment on, and it ending up with them showing their asses. (This is a problem I'm specifically having with the 'final girl MUST be a virgin' in modern meta slasher horror, including Behind the Mask - Alice in Friday the 13th literally lived alone at Camp Crystal Lake for the better part of a year with her boyfriend, you're trying to tell me she was a virgin just because she was better at strip Monopoly than Brenda and didn't lose as many clothes? OK, go back and read your Carol J. Clover again.)"

yeahhhh this too. i think we might be able to blame this at least partly on scream laying out the "rules" in a way that might make a lot of people think most horror films (or just slashers) have hard and fast rules they stick to rigidly even though when you look at the films themselves, it's rarely the case. this might be true for any genre parody, really.

the "virginal final girl" thing is interesting because like...it kind of reminds me of those dubiously-historical posts that go around like "fun fact! when a spell calls for 'virgin blood' it doesn't literally mean the blood of a virgin, it actually refers to blood that's never been used in a ritual before!" i feel like when carol clover defined the final girl as usually being less transgressive than her peers, it got mutated into a much more literal interpretation of "purity" or "virginity". fascinating how modern genre commentaries will end up being based more on the perception of all this accrued analysis and parody and commentary over the years than on any particular films themselves. frustrating, but fascinating. (maybe cabin in the woods could have done something with the virgin ritual interpretation - to their credit, the film does say "the virgin doesn't have to be literal".)

"I rammed particularly hard up against that one in Craig DiLouie's How To Make A Horror Movie And Survive, which had some interesting things to say about Hollywood and the difference between true crime and horror - but also purported to be set in the mid-80s, and all of the characters were all talking about wanting to play the Final Girl but getting typecast as the Bad Girl, or the 'rules' of slasher horror, like please! Scream isn't out yet! Men, Women, and Chain Saws isn't even out yet! 'Final girl' isn't a Thing yet! Let alone any 'rules' for who she can be!"

have not read that one but yeah, that's the thing, a lot of this analysis and people specifically naming and pointing out the tropes is a lot newer than you think! this might be why i prefer meta horror where the characters in-universe are fans of horror movies and know the tropes rather than being literally trapped in a horror movie as self-aware movie characters. and of course it works best when you can tell the writer(s) are also fans of the genre and know it intimately.

i never thought of myself as a big fan of slashers specifically but given how it's often one of the more derided horror subgenres and also the most parodied, i find myself getting pedantic about it a lot. and while i don't really want to claim that the genre as a whole can't be misogynistic or thematically conservative (i don't think any genre is inherently conservative or progressive, but horror sure gets accused of being the former a lot...) i also find myself defending it when the criticisms or assertions are just not accurate. so i guess i'm more of a slasher fan than i thought!

thanks again for your replies, this is a subject with a lot to say about it. i've had so many horror meta thoughts swirling around my brain ever since i got really into it as a special interest so it's been great having someplace to write it all down (hopefully) coherently!

[la-lauren]

We're in the Bay for Thanksgiving, which has been nice. We get to stay at her mom's partner's house by the beach. They live in Southern California and rent out the main house up here but keep the MIL suite empty for themselves when they visit or for us when we're up here. It is so nice to have a whole space to ourselves by the beach without paying hotel prices.

Anyway, as such, we have seen her dad and his family only once and just done what we wanted otherwise. Also very nice. We've been sleeping in until 11. I feel the angels singing, the cells in my body feel like they're finally getting a chance to recover, instead of waking up to walk a dog rain or shine. I do miss our babies though.

We went to Target to pick up the Eras Tour book that was released yesterday, on Black Friday. I am so thankful Black Friday isn't the mob it was 20 years ago. We leisurely walked around Target and the mall, got what we wanted, and it was so low stress. We ended up trying on engagement rings, and honestly, it just made me so sad, because our finances are not anywhere near get-married level, and I don't want to get married or even engaged under a Trump presidency anyway.... which means we likely won't be married in the next 4-5 years. That just breaks my heart. I am also afraid of marriage rights being revoked for couples "like us."

When we got home last night, we put on a documentary called A Secret Love. We knew it was two older lesbians and their lives, but I truly didn't expect it to hit the nerves that it did. They spent 70 years together, the majority of them in closet. They told their families their whole lives that they were just roommates. When they finally did come out, the remaining living family members did accept them, and they got married in the nursing home (I think).

I think it just hurts knowing that the same rhetoric Pat & Terry had to fend off is making a resurgence with the Christian nationalists that are about to be running our nation. They feel so free to harm others in their words and actions. I worry about the raids Pat & Terry saw in their days being a thing again. I don't think it'd happen in Cali, but you never know, I guess.

In California, I've felt a bit silly about the shame I've felt for being gay. In LA especially, it really is celebrated, you know? Accepted. It has become so easy for me to forget my roots, the ones that built that shame from the ground up. I have felt so loved, so allowed to take up space, so wanted -- in a place that I was always told was superficial and demonic.

I don't even just mean with my partner. I mean in public, people are kind to me. As an obese unattractive woman, I am met with kindness in LA. I am seen as a person. No one comments on my weight. I can't say the same about the South, even though the population is largely obese!

I'm sure it'd be a different story if I wanted to act, right -- like I'm not traditional movie/model material, but in the day-to-day, I am welcomed with love by these people. Not the judgment I felt in the South.

Anyway, my body does feel like it's on its last leg (literally because of my ankle/foot problem), and I worry my body may fail before I can marry the love of my life. I'm trying my best to avoid it. I'm trying so hard to be healthier. I wish it weren't this difficult for me.

On the other hand, I've noticed recently that when I'm transferring her between places or when I pick up her wheelchair with one hand, strangers will remark some version of, "Wow, you're strong," and in those moments, I am proud and thankful for my big body and strong muscles. It has been a legitimate concern if I do lose weight, whether I'll be able to easily move her around when needed or lift her chair with ease. For now, though, I am strong and more than capable, and I offer up thanks to the universe for that.

I am holding on tight to my partner, and I am ready for whatever is about to come down the pipeline because I know we're facing it together.

I'd never have dreamed up this life for myself, but I'm so glad it's where I've landed. I hope it keeps getting better. I just wish we'd landed in the Kamala-as-President timeline instead of this one.

[1d1195]

it's gonna be another long ask bestie, Im sorry 😭 I yap too much when it comes to us talking lol I will try to keep it short!

Me being locked out was so scary bc i've has my blog since like the 6th grade so even though i wiped it when I had my tumblr break a few years ago, I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE IT! oh and you weren't wrong for assuming about classes lol They still are but they were slightly better this week! side note, hot TA is lecturing tomorrow(Friday) and bestie im so excited not bc of the content but for him lol

anways lol If Harry told me off idc if this sounds like Im down bad but I would probably enjoy it lol I for sure saw that their stubbornness and her vulnerability issues would cause conflict between these two so I think that this was the best route to go in for them! I really liked reading it even though it sucks having them fight lol

I love a good backstory! I always enjoy knowing why the characters are the way they are! Like it very much connects the dots for me and I can see how certain events led them to act a certain way! idk I like knowing things lol and i also don't have a great relationship with my dad HAHA like its crazy how easily the thought about my father and I's dynamic makes me easily cry lol

ALSO another side note, the kids show Bluey literally makes me BAWL my eyes out because they have a nice relationship with her father AND the parents have a healthy relationship too 😭😭😭 so I can totally understand how writing this feels good for you!

Trust me, me using your government name is overall a good thing too lol You really GAGGED me with that cliffhanger lol

OKAY PART 7! AHHHHHHHHHH LOVED IT!!!!!!! this was such a perfect way to end it! Okay so FUCK JACK I HOPE HE SUFFERS SO MUCH :)!(i know hes not real but hes real to me so he must suffer!) FUCK THAT MAN! Ngl though was proud of her for breaking his nose which was such win! I was glad she was able to handle it on her own for the most part which is so good! Ideally she would have not gotten hurt but we need the drama lol OKay so I was giggling while reading the locker room scene only because it makes sense that Harry is being such a GUY by punching things lol oh and THE I LOVE YOU DROP?!?!? ADORABLE!!!!!!! and her and Louis's interaction omg that was a cute little moment! VERY MUCH ENJOYED THIS SERIES YOU WILL NEVER DISSAPOINT!

I am manifesting for you to have the best weekend! You WILL enjoy that trashy book and do something that is just for you to enjoy! Enjoy and relax! Wishing you the best my love!-💜

I literally have meltdowns every time I type my password incorrectly when I login. My fear is that I will lose this and all this work. That's why I spent time putting all my work in a drive six months ago. 😭

I haven't baby sat in a while so I haven't seen Bluey! (I'm a Paw Patrol girl) but I've heard ONLY good things about Bluey and how it's good for all ages 😭 Maybe I should give it a watch. Because I've been listening to this song for a few weeks and one of the lyrics is "my parents didn't teach me love but I know how to divorce" and as much as I want to get married (mostly so everyone will stop asking me when it will happen) I don't know if being married will cure everything. Okay, sorry for the heavy vent of this. Let's move on to FUN things. LIKE

HOW WAS HOT TA's LECTURE? I'm 2/3 of the way through my trashy book for the weekend and I am sorry to say I'm wishing for very inappropriate things on your behalf 🤭 maybe it will happen when I sit down to write TA Harry for you 😭

I've had most of Part 7 written for so long that I was like "Omg I need to add more" so Harry got to punch a few things more (I needed to make sure I didn't accidentally write him into legal trouble lol). Then I was like "You know we should have Louis tell her she did a good job too." hehehehehe I really loved writing this one too. It never really felt like I was at a loss of stuff to write.

Thank you for your message as always 💕

xoxo

[marieiswishingon-a-star]

If I was a Replicant Blade Runner 2049 story - Part 1

I sat on a cold metal bar stool the darkness of night and light rain. I sipped my strawberry daiquiri through my pink lips, my long blonde hair blowing softly in the wind. The night air was cold in my home city Los Angeles California. When I was first made the Tyrell Corporation gave me one memory. It's of my 8th birthday I’m wearing blue overalls and purple shirt.  I 'm playing in a park on a sunny day with monarch butterflies flying around me. I’v survived being a replicant for a while now. Being one of the older models I have a number imprinted inside my green eye lid. I have managed to keep my head down and stayed away from LAPD notice. I still don't know why old man Tyrell made me. I am not a pleasure model or a solider for war. Tyrell died before I was told what my purpose was. But aren't we all looking for purpose in life? It's still a mystery to me. My life span has lasted longer than most replicant's.  

I look like every other woman in her mid 20's golden skin. Pretty face. My body mid height with an athletic, yet slender build. Feeling a chill, I pulled my dark gray fur lined coat closer to me to protect me from the cold rain and the thieves. Los Angeles is my home. I have no plans to leave. Besides where else would I go? Getting a ticket off world these days costs you an arm and a leg literally. I made my living by searching for old relics making them look new and selling them to humans for a high price. They ate it up. You would be amazed at how many relics I can sell to a human in a day. It kept a roof over my head and nice clothes on my back. I was even able to find a pink blouse. It is my favorite to wear.

Every Friday night I stopped at this outside bar for my end of the week drink. I can still feel the man’s eyes on me. He's been following me. I noticed him a few days ago. I was hoping he would go away. He has not. He has dark blonde hair and dark blue eyes. His image is plaster in my brain. His eyes are intense when he looks at me. He’s wearing gray trousers and black shirt and a long dark colored thick coat. black coat. He must be about 6'2 feet and handsome, in fact I can feel him looking at me now just be hide me he's drinking some kind of blue drink. I don't even have to turn around to know he is there. He looked strong O’ so strong with his wide chest and arms. He looked as if it would be nothing for him to take me down. Replicant’s do bleed and can feel pain so if he took my head off, it would hurt. 

Why was he following me? is the question. Does he know I'm a replicant? Is he working for the LAPD?

I knew how to mimic humans: their speech, I showered and wore clean clothes. Did he want to turn me in for the old Bounty that was still on my head? I thought the days of looking over my shoulder were over. I guess I was wrong. Finishing my drink, I got up and grabbed my purse and started running in a full sprint towards the busy streets. Hoping to lose him in the large crowd with the night covering me. One thing about replicant's we move fast when we need to. I ran down street after street hoping to lose the man. Luckly I was wearing boots and not high heels. As I turned another corner, I ran right into the man’s hard chest the very one I’m running from. I screamed I didn't expect him to be so fast. He grabbed me and lifted me off of the ground into his arms and covered my mouth with his hand. I was helpless in his arms, he is so strong I could not break free of his grip arm right under my breasts. He placed us in a dark corner. His hot breath on my neck "someone’s coming" he said in a low voice. "Good I thought I can get away". When I saw who it was coming toward us, I stopped moving. It was Malcolm Watt's a true replicant hunter. overweight and mean looking. Wearing all black he had made a name for himself he didn't just take the eye of the replicant he caught he dismembered them. Word on the street was Malcolm got off on ripping replicant's apart and selling them off. I held my breath and did not breath until Malcolm was gone from sight. I don't know why but I burst into tears knowing how close I came to a terrible death.

[gaycey-sketchit]

Hello and happy friday! Today I ask this: what’s your all time favorite pokemon episode(s)? Episodes you could watch- or have watched- time and time again, never getting old? And if you wish to talk about it, why is it your favorite?

Oh I love this question. There's a bunch of episodes I'm a really big fan of, off the top of my head I'll list some of my favorites!

EP063 The Battle of the Badge: This episode first aired before I was even born, I saw it for the first time as a kid, and I still haven't run out of things to say about it. It has Implications and I have written so much about that and its ramifications. Genuinely obsessed. Also it was my PalletShipper awakening.

EP110 The Stun Spore Detour: I love a good sickfic episode. This is a good sickfic episode. Like half the cast is incapacitated for the majority of the episode because Ash managed to knock himself and Tracey headfirst into a Vileplume and meanwhile, elsewhere, Jessie did similar, and I just think that's great. Misty is awesome in this one, the way she handles this whole situation--getting to show that she is strong and capable and also incredibly kind (and in the dub, James and Meowth are so grateful for her helping them help their sick friend that they refuse to fight out of gratitude). Also there is something so funny about Jessie going from waxing poetic about how beautiful things are fragile and she's actually dying to, as soon as she's recovered, throwing her snake through some sick children's wall. One time I watched this episode like three times in the span of a week.

HS15 Putting the Air Back in Aerodactyl: This episode is about three characters I love and love the dynamics between so much (the Oaks and Tracey) and it is so special to me. We get to see a very endearing side of Gary here--he's an insecure kid finding his footing on a new path and doing his best, and he wants to make his grandpa proud of him. Fortunately, Professor Oak already is proud of him and tells him as much in a scene that I have so many feelings about. This episode also features one of Tracey's greatest, wildest moments, grabbing onto a moving Aerodactyl. Literally what possessed him to do that.

HS16: Luvdisc is a Many Splendored Thing: Another episode I watched like three times in the span of a week once. It's cute! It's got good character interactions and very funny moments, and it's about Luvdisc which is a Pokemon I'm very soft for.

AG113 Who, What, When, Where, Wynaut: I like ContestShipping. I like when characters I like get knocked unconscious. I like Wynaut, though that's mostly because of this episode, which I was well and truly obsessed with as a teenager in my most hardcore ContestShipper days. I still think it's a great episode, I love May and Drew getting to be alone together bantering and bonding, and how you can pinpoint the literal exact moment Drew falls in love with May. Good stuff.

AG187 The Unbeatable Lightness of Seeing: I am a big fan of rivalries in Pokemon. This is an episode all about how good rivals are for each other, with Ash and May both being at a low point and their respective rivals pulling them out of it. The Ash and Gary-May and Drew parallel is also made abundantly clear in this one in case anyone missed it. I joked once that considering that parallel, Drew having a canon crush on May means one-sided PalletShipping is canon by proxy.

DP053 Tears for Fears: I'm an abuse survivor who sees a lot of their past experiences reflected in Chimchar's arc, and this episode makes me cry cathartic tears. The way Chimchar keeps remembering its lonely and miserable past with Paul in contrast with Ash and company being so kind, and Chimchar expecting to be punished after losing to Piplup, only to be praised instead and be so overcome with emotion it breaks down in tears... that gets me every time.

Honorable mention goes to JN068 Advice to Goh, which first aired when I was having a bad time and cheered me up a lot. I also just think it's a delightful episode, with Ash and Gary falling so easily into friendship despite how long it's been since they last saw each other, and poor Goh (whom I also love) being a third wheel sulking in the background.

[youremyonlyhope]

.

[soramei]

Intentional - Part 6

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader (she/her)

Summary: Landing your first real job at JYPE was something short of a miracle. You were prepared to face the new struggles of this elusive career whilst moving to a new country, however, nothing could have prepared you for him. Will stolen glances, secret touches, and hushed nights spent in the recording room ever be enough for the both of you?

Genre: idol!bang chan au, forbidden relationship, coworkers to eventual lovers, slow burn

Warnings: cursing, eventual smut

Word Count: 3.5k

Masterlist

A/N: hehe my mistake, i forgot to queue up this update and by the time i realized it was too late so i'm posting this a day late ^^

Taglist (reply to be tagged!): @planetdemon​ @hvunvely​ @fluffybitch0325​ @fashi0nablee @juststop88 @straykisz @theultimaterad @margaritas-en-la-montania @meowtella @xsam1992x

The man froze in his tracks after entering the room and catching you laying on the couch with Bang Chan on top, practically devouring you. He looked scarred, to be frank, as he quickly snapped back to reality and bolted out the door in less than a second. As he made his grand escape, you forcefully pushed Bang Chan off of you. He swore under his breath before tripping out the door, trying to follow the man who had just caught you.

You sat up, head in your hands. This was exactly what you were scared of. What you worried so much about a few nights back. What Bang Chan reassured you of not happening.

You feel panic set in as you thought of the worst case scenario. Yup. You were going to get fired for sure. And the news will go to the public, resulting in Bang Chan also losing his job. You would then have to move back with your parents, and everybody will have the same look of shame and pity whenever they see you.

This wasn’t good. You stood up to make your own inconspicuous escape, but it seemed like Bang Chan beat you to the door.

“That was Jisung,” Bang Chan said. He entered, making sure to lean against the door just in case anybody else wanted to intrude.

The name and the face clicked in your mind. He was part of Stray Kids as well as Bang Chan’s coworker. You recognized him more commonly as Han, as his name has come up in a lot of the work you’ve been sent.

“What did he say?” you asked skeptically. Worry was setting in.

“Don’t worry, he said he wouldn’t tell anybody. I trust him.”

How were you supposed to believe that? You’ve never even spoken to this man in your life, and now you were supposed to put the future of your career in his hands?

“But I don’t, Chan. I’ve never even met this guy in real life before. How can I trust that he won’t tell one of your other group members?” You heard your voice get louder with every word.

“I had a talk with him just now, Y/n, you can trust him. Out of everybody in this company, he’s the least likely to tell just anybody — even one of our members.” He paused, “don’t you trust me, Y/n?”

You were speechless. Your trust in him was completely different from your trust in Jisung, and you were sure he knew that. Obviously you trusted Bang Chan, but you didn’t know the extent that his group members would go to for a secret. Especially one that could have an effect on their careers as well.

“You can’t just ask me that, and you know it,” you sneered. “You know what? It’s my fault. I was too careless. I’ll leave now.”

“Wait, Y/n-”

You didn’t even let him finish before stomping out the door, making sure to check your surroundings for anybody that could catch you before heading back up to your cubicle. You felt the heat of your cheeks the whole elevator ride.

You were on edge for the rest of the day. When Manager Chen asked to see you in her office, you were so startled that you quite literally jumped from your seat. You were sure somebody had informed her of what happened, but it turned out that she just wanted to rearrange the usual Friday meeting.

Because of the filming tomorrow, the project meeting had to be arranged for next week. Which you were fine with, of course, since you did not want to face all your managers in one place after what had just happened.

Throughout the rest of the day, you started to feel more and more guilty for how you reacted at lunch. As your mind cleared, you realized how rash you were with your decision making and how you only thought about yourself. You also thought about how rude it was to talk about Jisung like that, especially in front of Bang Chan — who cared a lot about the boy.

Logging off your email for the day, the thought of Bang Chan still lingered bitterly in your mind. You wished to apologize for your harsh behaviour, so you started to make your way over to his producing room.

However, you hadn’t even made it on the elevator before you were stopped.

“Hey, uhm — you might not recognize me, but I’m the guy from earlier. Han Jisung.”

He was standing politely behind you, hands folded together behind him.

“Hello, I still remember. You know, from earlier,” you awkwardly breathed out a laugh. You didn’t know what to say or why he was here.

“Hyung told me I could find you here and that I should apologize.” He took his hands out from behind him. “He also said that this might help.”

In his hand was a bottle of mango juice. Your heart warmed at the thought of Bang Chan still caring for you, despite you being such a jerk earlier.

“Anyways,” he continued, “I’m sorry for barging in like that and leaving so suddenly. I should’ve knocked or something before coming in, but Chan-hyung is somebody I’m very close to. I would never jeopardize him in any way.”

Hearing him apologize made you realize how little thinking you had done. Jisung regularly worked with Bang Chan, so of course he would just enter the room without knocking.

“Thanks for your apology, but I should be apologizing. I was the one being reckless. You did nothing wrong, Jisung. I trust that you wouldn’t tell anybody of this.”

“Thanks,” he said as the both of you entered the elevator.

The both of you stood in silence for a bit before he started again.

“So, Chan hyung huh.” He raised his eyebrows. “You know, he’s the best looking one out of all of us… after me of course.”

“Oh my god.” You blushed, head in your hands as he kept elbowing you.

“But, Y/n.” He got all serious again. His serious-playful demeanor was giving you whiplash. “You know what you’re doing is dangerous, right? Not only for him, but also for you. I love our fans, but there are some that have taken it too far before. I just want the two of you to be safe.”

“Thanks Jisung,” you started, “for that and for keeping this secret.”

“Of course, any ‘friend’ of Hyung's is a friend of mine.” He winked, causing you to heat up from embarrassment again.

The elevator reached Jisung’s floor, and he got out.

“Oh, also, I think you should call Chan hyung. He’s been pretty down this whole afternoon, and even my natural charisma couldn’t cheer him up.”

You thanked him for the last time before the elevator doors closed, promising him that you would contact Bang Chan.

And you did — as soon as you were alone in the elevator.

One ring. Two rings. A third.

“Hello?” He sounded out of breath.

“Chan?”

“Yes, Y/n?”

Crap, he sounded annoyed.

“Uhm, can we meet up somewhere? I-I wanted to talk to you.”

There was a slight pause.

“I’m at the gym right now. We could meet at the playground by the river in an hour.”

“Ok.” You hung up after that. It was a weird phone call. From his voice alone, you could obviously tell something was bugging him. You knew you were that something.

Grabbing a quick bite at a nearby convenience store, you started your journey to the playground. It wasn’t too far of a walk, but you decided to go earlier since it was already starting to get dark.

You hoped Bang Chan wasn’t in too much of a bad mood, especially after your conversation with Jisung. Honestly, you weren’t too excited to apologize. Not because you didn’t feel bad, but because of his cold and monotone voice through the phone. You didn’t want to admit it — especially because you had just met this man a few weeks ago — but you were scared of his possible rejection. It terrified you.

Breathing into your hands for warmth, you finally saw the playground up ahead. It was near the river, but covered by trees. You now understood why Bang Chan picked this place.

It was empty, as you assumed no child would want to play tag on a cold and dark evening. You sat on a swing, mindlessly swinging up and down whilst staring at the upcoming moon. The sound of crickets chirping combined with the cool autumn breeze almost brought you to serenity, but the thought of confronting Bang Chan grounded you back to earth.

You turned your head at the sound of panting. Bang Chan had jogged here. The ends of his hair were damp with sweat, stuck to his forehead. You wanted to call him crazy, as the only thing he wore was a sleeveless tank top and a pair of shorts on a cold autumn night.

He made his way to the swings.

“Hey,” he said, hopping on to the swing beside you. He was still out of breath from jogging.

“Hey,” you paused for a few seconds to think of what to say. “I wanted to apologize for earlier. I wasn’t thinking. I know you care about your job as well, and it was selfish of me to walk out on you. I’m also sorry for talking about Jisung like that. I met him this afternoon and he seemed like a good guy. And if there’s anything else I missed, I’m sorry for that too.”

You looked up at Bang Chan with puppy eyes, hoping that he would understand. He looked back at you.

“I accept your apology, Y/n. And look, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have been so reckless, especially at the office. I knew that anybody could have walked in, and I was careless. We were lucky this time, but next time we might not be.”

“Next time?” Your eyes brightened.

“Y/n,” he got up, “I’m scared. I’m scared that I feel this way about you after only a few weeks. I’m terrified of losing my job, my coworkers, and friends. But Y/n, I just want you. I’m laying all my cards out on the table. This is how I feel, what about you?”

That was a lot to take in. Your grip tightened on the swing.

“Chan, everything you just said, I feel the same way. Everything about this scares me, but I just want you. Only you.”

You got up and wrapped your arms around him. You felt the cold sweat of his arms against your skin, but you didn’t care. You just wanted to be near him.

He wrapped his arms around you in return, digging his nose into your neck. You felt his damp hair against your skin.

“Chan, you’re all sweaty,” you teased, pushing his head away.

“I don’t care.” His words came out muffled against your neck as he dug his nose further.

“I feel like a kid being in a playground.” You scanned the empty playground, reminiscing on your childhood.

“Would a kid do this?”

Bang Chan, with his fingers on your chin, turned his head to kiss you so deep you thought you were going faint. You returned the kiss, hands gripping hard on to the sides of his tank. It seemed like the two of you were in your own little world.

“You should go. Tomorrow’s gonna be a long day,” Bang Chan said after eventually breaking the kiss.

“Mhmm,” you mumbled, trying to stall for time. You knew that the both of you should get going.

Eventually, after quite a while, you left for home. It felt as if a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. A very cute and dimple-y weight.

That evening, you packed all your necessities for the overnight shoot tomorrow, and fell asleep with high hopes for the next day. You were excited to see all your — along with the production team’s — efforts come to fruition.

The next morning, you woke up early and energized. You double checked that everything was ready before heading out to the JYPE building.

Manager Chen had informed you of which van you would be riding in to the set. Although she wasn’t in the vehicle with you, you had the opportunity to chat amongst some other very interesting members in the production crew.

After a few hours of driving, your van — along with the others — arrived. You helped the production crew set up as much as you could, as you were told the boys already started filming their drive to the set. Whilst waiting for the boys to come, you socialized around with both the production crew and Manager Chen.

Soon, after chatting for a bit, you saw the long awaited van pull up to the set. The boys got out, one by one, each holding their own little video cameras.

Bang Chan got out last. He looked amazing, really. With his hair and makeup done and his outfit styled, he was almost like a different person. You’ve never seen him without black on, but this was a surprisingly refreshing look.

It was chaos. With every boy at their peak energy, there was never a boring moment on set. It was clear that everybody — even the quieter ones — had established nice dynamics within the group. You watched them in awe, with Manager Chen telling you the behind happenings every now and then.

You found it so hard to hold in your laughter as the boys attempted to make mooncakes. It reminded you of your childhood; when you used to do the same with your mother.

As Bang Chan read off the script which you helped with, you felt a certain sense of pride in your heart. You smiled at him as he expressed himself to the camera.

It was dinner time for the boys, so that meant dinner for you and the crew as well. You followed the production team to a noodle restaurant. It was a small and cute, grandma-grandpa owned place. The menu, however, was huge.

“Y/n, this is Manager Jung,” Manager Chen said. She directed your gaze to a guy who looked in his late twenties. You instantly recognized him as the manager that drove you home on your first day of work.

“We’ve met before,” he said.

“You have?” Manager Chen was surprised.

“We have, but it’s nice to meet you under better circumstances,” you blushed. You hoped that you didn’t leave too bad of a first impression with him.

“It’s nice to meet you too, I’ve only heard good things about you from Manager Chen,” he said. “Actually, we were just discussing the sleeping arrangements for tonight.”

“Yes, we’ve managed to book a place that has enough rooms for everybody to sleep alone. They’re not the best of rooms, but this was the best we could do with our budget,” Manager Chen said.

“Sounds good to me,” you nodded. You were fully expecting to share a room with five other women.

You had a happy evening, eating and chatting before getting back to work. You watched as the boys carried out every production order to a tee, all the while keeping up their high energy even late into the night.

You helped the production crew with setting up fireworks for their next segment. Even the act of setting up got you excited as you haven’t seen fireworks in so long. Especially in a new country.

The rest of the filming went smooth, with the end slate following the last firework of the evening. You watched as the boys all lined up in a straight line to thank the production and camera crew. Bang Chan’s eyes landed right on yours. You smiled. He smiled back.

The boys were then ushered by Manager Jung into their own hostel, and you followed the crew to your room. The room was lit by a small incandescent light bulb. It was a small room with nothing but a mat for the floor, a small blanket, and a pillow. Though, to be fair, you weren’t expecting much.

You laid out the mat and blanket, washed up, and was about to call it in when you received a text from Bang Chan.

Bang Chan: You looked cute today.

You blushed, not aware that Bang Chan had even seen you during the day. He looked so busy with filming the whole time that you hadn’t even made eye contact. You smiled and returned the text.

Y/n: You too ^^

And with that, you peacefully fell asleep.

You had a tranquil dream; with only clouds, and sunshine, and… Manager Jung?

“Y/n!” he called.

Your dream clone hopped over to him to say hello.

“Y/n!” He called again. He looked worried. “Y/n!”

You suddenly jolted awake.

“Y/n! Hurry, get out!” He was coughing, holding the hem of his shirt up to his face.

You looked at him. His silhouette was clouded by smoke. You looked up.

The light bulb hanging from was burning and emitting a smoke of some kind. You gasped in shock, instantly regretting it as you breathed in a large amount of the smoke.

Manager Jung was already running outside at this point, and you quickly ran after him. Along the way you tried to hold your breath, but with every inhale you took in, a cloud of smoke followed. You coughed and kept running.

It seemed as if you were the last person out, as everybody staying at the hostel had already evacuated. Manager Chen was standing outside, a look of worry on her face.

“Y/n, are you okay?” She ran over to you.

“Yes,” you coughed. You still felt the smoke in your throat. “What happened?”

“The light bulb in your room caught on fire,” Manager Jung intervened. “Manager Chen was still awake when she smelled the smoke, and she evacuated everybody inside. Everybody woke up except you, Y/n.”

“Is everybody else okay?” you asked. You could hear how hoarse your voice sounded.

“Everybody else is alright. For some reason, the fuse shortage was only isolated to your room,” Manager Chen replied.

It was unfortunate that, out of all the rooms, the broken light bulb was in yours. However, you were glad that everybody else was safe. You were also thankful that Manager Jung woke you up in time, leaving you with only a sore throat.

“Hyung!”

You whipped your head to the direction of the voice. Bang Chan was sprinting across the dirt path in your direction. His hair was disheveled and his t-shirt wrinkled. Behind him was Jisung, dashing over so fast that he somehow managed to match Bang Chan’s pace. Jisung threw his hand, catching the back of Bang Chan’s shirt, pulling him back. Jisung then said some incoherent words to Bang Chan, which seemed to have slowed him down. Bang Chan took a couple deep breaths before waiting for his other members and walking over to you and the crew.

“What happened? Is everybody okay?” Bang Chan asked, concerned. He glanced at you before facing Manager Jung again.

“Everybody is fine,” Manager Jung reassured him. “There was a problem with the light bulb in a crew member’s room, but everybody has evacuated now. You and the boys don’t need to worry. Just go back to your rooms as you have a long day tomorrow.”

“Whose room was it?” Bang Chan asked, ignoring everything Manager Jung had just told him.

Manager Jung hesitated before pointing at you. Upon realization, Bang Chan jerked forward, only to be stopped by Jisung again. He gave Bang Chan a look.

“I’m okay,” you coughed out. It was hard to not sound so hoarse when you had just been breathing in smoke for god knows how long.

Bang Chan gave a deadpan look to Manager Jung.

“We have extra rooms where we’re staying, maybe Y/n can stay with us?” he asked.

“That is unnecessary, I will let Y/n use my room and I will stay with you. I’m sure Y/n would be on board,” Manager Jung said. He looked over to you, and you nodded in agreement.

“I guess that would work,” Bang Chan hesitantly said, “but what if this happens again with another room?”

“I’m sure that won’t-”

“Manager Jung!” Manager Chen interrupted, waving her hands whilst running over. “A member of our production crew took a look at the fuse box connected to Y/n’s room, and it seems like somebody tampered with the wires on purpose.”

[ivy-loves-chocolate]

Angel deserves the world I hurt her so much.

Karl seems like the type of person to walk in meetings with Injury, I feel like for Miranda "family" she has meetings weekly or at least every couple weeks, and game nights ARE I thing

So Karl walking in the meeting with a really Baad shoulder injury and cuts along his face (one of his experiments gone wrong)

Alicna teasing him he can't even get there withouts being a mess,

Jet glaring slightly like what the heck he looks like he's losing alot of blood alicna

(angel and Karl are not dating this is probably right after he saw her wings for the first time, the reason why the experimental went wrong was because he was so distracted thinking about her, his new realization he loves her, and all the issues that could cause)) Angel walking over gently looking at him concerned only her hood down so he can see her beautiful face he says "I'm fine angel, no need to dote on me, a little Injury won't do me no harm" she still sat in front of him with a clean alcohol drenched cloth he insisted"angel. No I can handle it!" She looking down not wanting to upset him but really cannot bare him being injured,

(angel literally never asks for anything she still a truamtic thing)

she looks up at him. Worry in her eyes, it hurts, she's normal always smiling, was she really that worried over me. "Sorry angel, I. Didn't mean to yell at ya, " apologize came hard for Karl but.. looking at her face made it much easier, she signed "can I help? Or can you patch it up please? ....." He sighed and let her. She was so gently but the alcohol still felt like hell. her gently wiping his face, patching him up with such care, then moved on to his shoulder that had a hole in it,gently removing his ripped jacket. (stopping herself from hugging it it smelt like him, she doesn't think she deserves that comfort and the jacket isn't hers, in her head) gently moving his shirt hair etc and patching him up, before sewing up the hole, and then the hole in his jacket, passing him his jacket, Karl only then realized he was staring at HER the entire time not what she was doing, she could have drugged him and he wouldn't have noticed, why did she have to be so gentle?

Jet watching the two, knowing how bad Karl has if for his sister, I'f it where anyone else Karl would have killed them for even going near him or mentioning it, and the sorry? Icing on the cake,

Alicna actually also toke notice, with how gently Karl looked at her, and how less agreesive he seemed to be, he was really gentle with her for being the Brutis man she knows he is,

Donna, Angie and the fish dude, creating ship names already.

Miranda watching carefully at angels knowledge, and how Karl seemed....less stressed. Angel was always caring towards everyone, but. Something WAS there for Karl. She felt something, just like when she protected him. She cares deeper for him, ....angel didn't still have a place to stay, maybe for now Miranda could have her stay with Karl, help them a little,

Aaaa, they are so cute omg! I like how Karl tries to play it tough but fails. I also like how obvious his affection for Angel is, and it's so cute to see this man be gentle and apologize.

Also, fish dude lmao, i loved that.

Donna, Angie and the fish dude are having a little gossip group, and they gather at Donna's house every Friday to talk about the latest news in the village. Sometimes Miranda and Alcina's daughters join too.

[angellesword]

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK | 15 (FINAL)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It’s simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if…Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively:

“A future without you is a world without color.”

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, angst, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 4k

SERIES: CHAPTER 14 | SPECIAL CHAPTER 

"You sure you don't need anything?"

You weren't sure if it was annoyance or amusement that caused you to chuckle upon hearing hesitation in your father's voice.

"I'm good, Appa." You assured him, "it's just Jeongguk. Don't worry."

You were wrong. He wasn't worried because of Jeongguk. He was worried because of you.

"Okay," your father let out a deep sigh as he tried to calm his mind. "I trust your soulmate. Have fun, love."

And just like that, the call ended.

Soulmate.

After everything that had happened, your father still believed that Jeongguk was your soulmate.

You still did too. How could you deny that fact when you could clearly see colors now?

It had been four months since your eye surgery. You didn't think it was going to be a successful, mainly because you were convinced that Jeongguk's hatred towards you was the reason why you went blind.

Apparently, it was your fault.

You knew it was reckless to drive when you were under the influence of alcohol. This wasn't just about you. This was also about the people who could have suffered because of your stupidity.

Your father was actually disappointed in you. He didn't expect you to do something like this, especially because he knew that you had a careful approach in life.

You hated being a burden. Your greatest fear was to be the reason why someone was hurting. Your father didn't understand what ticked you to break out of character, and so he asked. He asked what was wrong—causing you to break into tears.

You couldn't keep this to yourself anymore.

You told him about everything you had been going through—like how your soulmate didn't love you and how stressful being a lawyer was.

Of course your father understood, but he told you that it wasn't an excuse to put yourself and other people in danger.

There were other ways to welcome or ignore pain. You agreed since it wasn't like you planned this to happen.

Your father didn't believe in you, though. He felt like you were trying to harm yourself. This was why he called you every single day. He wanted to make sure that you weren't driving or doing things you weren't supposed to do.

He freaked out when you told him that you were going out with Jeongguk tonight. It wasn't because he hated your soulmate. Admittedly, he felt like you were lying when you told him that Jeongguk didn't love you.

That can't be right. It was obvious. Your father had met your soulmate and he saw the way Jeongguk looked and talked about you. He couldn't be wrong; the boy destined to be with you was whipped—as in madly in love with you.

His claim turned out to be true when right after your surgery; you gasped and cried so hard because finally, you could see colors.

It was too good to be true. Was this seriously happening? Was Jeongguk really in love with you?

You couldn't tell.

You used to think that seeing colors was the indication of your soulmate's love for you, but it had been months now yet Jeongguk hadn't verbally told you that he loved you.

Sure. Actions spoke louder than words. You guessed you just had to be contented with this.

The past four months felt like a dream. Jeon Jeongguk, the most stubborn and egotistical person in the world, was acting like a lovesick fool because of you.

You told yourself that you did not want to love your soulmate. You stood by this. You had been ignoring Jeongguk's attempt to 'win you over.'

(Un)fortunately, the boy just wouldn't stop.

He would send you letters written in a small sticky note every day just to tell you the sappiest thing. On the other side of the sticky note, there's an exquisite drawing of every detail about you.

You realized that it was some sort of puzzle, but you hadn't really had the chance to piece it together because you were too caught up with the words written in the sticky notes.

Note 1 Red Red is the first color in the rainbow. She is my first love, but it ended. I'm saying this because I realized that the start isn't always the end. She’s the beginning, you are my end game.

This was the first note you had received from your soulmate. It was plastered on your front door—this was also the first thing you had seen after you had been discharged from the hospital.

Note 2 Orange Orange is the color I thought I know by heart. As it turns out, I've been fooled. I have been fooled by the world, but it's okay. You helped me see.

This note was unclear to you, yet it didn't fail to make your heart feel light. You weren't aware that Jeongguk was talking about how the florist who sold him orange tulips for almost a decade, the one who fooled him.

No one could take advantage of him now, though. You helped him with this problem.

Note 3 Yellow My mom said that yellow is the prettiest color. She also said that it shines the brightest. I'm glad I didn't believe her. It wasn't bright at all. It only reminds me of the time I thought I'll lose you.

It took you long to realize what he was implying.

Yellow.

This was the color of your shirt when your car crashed. Jeongguk remembered how dark life was when you were pushing him away.

Your soulmate had sent you hundreds of letters by now. All of his notes started with colors. Out of all the things he sent you, the yellow note was what stuck to you the most.

The black world was frightening. It felt cold and lonely and Jeongguk was exactly like that. He was lonely. He suffered from a major heartbreak that was why he turned cold. He hated what Red had done to him, but he wasn't really different from his ex-girlfriend.

Jeongguk hurt you the same way Red hurt him, but your soulmate was willing to do everything to make it up to you.

Aside from the notes, you also found out that Jeongguk was the one who cooked your food each day. You got mad at Red because she failed to tell you the truth. There was even a point wherein you stopped eating the food your soulmate had prepared since you literally didn't want to do anything with him anymore.

Jeongguk was still persistent. He would always pick you up from work and then he would ask if you wanted to grab dinner with him.

You always declined his offer to take you out. Turning him down was always part of your daily routine, so you didn't know what changed this Saturday night.

Why, after four months, did you finally accept Jeongguk’s attempt to ask you out?

"Can't resist his bambi eyes, can you?" Jimin laughed on the other line. Your best friend called right after your short phone conversation with your dad. It was like everyone was interested in your business tonight.

"It's just one date, Jimin," you rolled your eyes, yet the blush in your cheeks indicated that Jimin was right.

You still couldn't resist Jeon Jeongguk.

It wasn't like you were giving into him. No. It would take more than his wide, doe eyes to melt your cold, cold heart. He hurt you after all.

But last night was different.

You were supposed to have dinner with your subordinates since it was Friday, but then you spotted Jeongguk waiting outside the building of your small law firm.

He was standing there with trembling lips. Your soulmate was freezing under the cold winter, yet he still chose to wait for you.

You see, Jeon Jeongguk was banned from entering your office. You told the securities not to let him in since he was distracting everyone at work.

Your employees just couldn't stop gushing over your soulmate to the point that they weren't able to finish their task for the day. They were always trying to get Jeongguk's attention and the most annoying part was that your soulmate didn't seem to mind—not because he was a flirt too. It was actually because he was too naïve for his own good.

So yeah. You banned him from entering the building because he was a distraction and definitely not because you were blinded by your stupid jealousy. No. Not at all.

He was your soulmate, yes, but it didn't mean you had to stay together. The only thing you two should do was to try to be casual and not hate each other.

You couldn't afford to make Jeongguk hate you. This was the only rational reason why you agreed to go out on a date with him tonight. You were just scared and guilty for letting him wait for you in the snow.

"Whatever you say," you could imagine Jimin's teasing expression despite not seeing his face. "Have fun, okay? Love you!"

"Ditto! See you soon," you pressed the end bottom of your phone as your doorbell rang.

Seven pm. You bit your lower lip, glancing at the clock. Jeongguk was right on time. He told you last night that he would be outside of your door at exactly seven in the evening.

You sighed and fixed your hair a little before opening the door.

Jeongguk practiced speaking the things he would say to you tonight in front of the mirror. He swore he prepared so hard because he didn't want to disappoint you. He felt like this was his only shot with you, unfortunately it seemed like he was destined to fuck things up with you again.

"Oh fuck," his eyes dilated upon seeing you.

You were wearing this pretty dress that accentuated your curves. You looked so expensive and exquisite that Jeongguk felt like he was out of place.

Your soulmate was wearing a thick sweater and black sweatpants. His hair was messier because of the winter wind.

"You're not dressed." This was the first thing you said to him. The scowl on your face made him think that you already regretted agreeing to spend this night with him.

He was wrong. You were only frowning because you felt embarrassed. You took your sweet time preparing for this date. You even rushed to buy a fancy dress just this morning, causing you to feel like a fool.

It was clear now that you were more excited than the man who practically begged you to go out with him.

"I-I just thought it'd be better to stay home because of the weather." The boy said sheepishly while showing you the home cooked food he had prepared for this date.

You swallowed hard.

"Come in." And then you opened the door wider for him.

Jeongguk let out a sigh of relief. At least you did not kick him out. He wouldn't know what to do if that happened. He missed your home so much. He missed Miri as well. Too bad the fury pet wasn't around.

Miri visited the Kims' mansion every Saturday. Red picked the cat earlier this day. She said Miri was the only one that could make Soobin smile. Red and Seokjin, the newlywed couple, were only allowed to visit Soobin every Saturday. They always take the little boy to a nice place with your cat Miri.

Jeongguk realized that it was a blessing in disguise that the cat wasn't around since no one was scratching the couch where you and him currently sat on.

Jeongguk's idea for this date night was to simply watch some movies while eating. He thought that this was the perfect plan, sadly it looked like you didn't share the same sentiment.

"Jeongguk," irritation was laced in your voice as you called your soulmate's name.

You were irritated for the reason that you felt like he didn't really want to be here.

Jeongguk seemed preoccupied. It was apparent when you asked him what film he wanted to watch. He simply said 'whatever you want," while staring at you blankly.

You let it pass at first, but you couldn't ignore it now that the movie had ended and it appeared like he didn't even realize.

Jeongguk was silent beside you, but he couldn't sit without fidgeting. The air was awkward. He looked awkward, like he was uncomfortable or something. He wasn't even eating his food.

"Did you like the movie? Were you scared?"

"Uh," Jeongguk was staring again. "I'm...yeah. It's pretty scary,"

"Oh." You narrowed your eyes at him. "I didn't know you were afraid of zombies."

"Yeah. I am," he wasn’t and you knew it.

You huffed, crossing your arms. He was such a liar.

"The movie that we just watched," you gritted your teeth. "Isn't about zombies, Jeongguk. It's not even a horror film. It's Toy Story 4!"

You were annoyed. Why did Jeongguk even ask to be with you when he wasn’t going to pay attention to you or to the things the two of you were supposed to do?

"I'm sorry..."

And there's it again. The insincere apology. He was always sorry, but he never changed.

"You know what? Just go home. I..." You trailed off as tears filled your eyes.

Why did you always have to make a fool of yourself because of him?

"I don't want you here."

Jeongguk's heart sank upon hearing the words that left your mouth.

"No please," he also turned pale, eyes turning wide because he wasn't expecting this date to turn out like this. What he wanted to happen was to enjoy the winter night cuddled with you as the two of you watched a romantic movie.

Jeongguk imagined watching Love 911 to give you an idea of some of the things he wanted to try with you.

"What do you mean no? It's obvious that you don't want to be here. You're not even paying attention."

"It's not like that," he avoided your gaze.

You only scoffed. Typical Jeongguk. Always telling you that you didn't get him.

"Then what is it? Why do you look uncomfortable? Why do you look like you don't want to be here—"

"I told you it's not like that!" He was staring at you using those big eyes. His thin beckoning lips protruded into a pout.

"I just!" He sighed like he found it hard to explain what he felt. "Can't concentrate on other things because all I can think about is you!”

"What—"

He didn't let you finish. Jeongguk was rambling. He was nervous. He didn't want you to get mad at him again.

"Your dress really looks so good on you and your make up is really nice. You're really pretty...and really beautiful and really sexy and I really just...really—"

"Huh." you pouted, slightly cringing because of his excessive use of the word really. "So now you're blaming the way I look?"

You were teasing him to get rid of the funny feeling in your stomach. Damn Jeongguk for confusing the hell out of you. You were supposed to be annoyed, but why were you smiling?

And why the hell was it so easy to melt into him?

"No!" Jeongguk groaned. He was getting frustrated. You seemed to always twist his words and extrapolate things.

"Look..." He closed his eyes since he couldn't bear to look at you anymore. He was scared to see the disappointment in your eyes.

"I just love you okay? Like really, really, in love with you."

Jeongguk's heartbeat doubled when you didn't speak.

Silence engulfed the whole room that he was forced to open his eyes.

His heart went even crazier. It was beating erratically.

Why were you staring at him with an agape mouth?

"What did you say?" You were no longer in the mood to fool around. Sure, you were teasing Jeongguk, but it didn't mean he could also joke about feelings and love.

It wasn't fair.

"I love you?" Jeongguk said, unsure.

He wasn't unsure of his feelings. He just didn't know if you were referring to the last words he uttered.

"You...love me?" You were still in doubt.

Jeongguk simply nodded his head; a soft smile was plastered on his lips as he scrunched his nose. You knew this look well. This was his genuine self and it only meant one thing.

He wasn't lying.

"But..." you bit the inside of your cheek. "This is the first time you told me that."

"I thought it's obvious?" Jeongguk mirrored your confused expression.

He expressed what he felt for you by singing. Jeongguk thought you understood.

You did not. The song lifted your spirit and you also found the gesture sweet, but you still didn't realize it was his way of confessing.

"I mean..." Jeongguk pouted his lips more. "Your eyes tell, right? You can see colors now."

As soon as these words escaped his mouth, Jeongguk felt like he had been hit by a truck—crushing his bones and telling him how stupid he was for crossing the street even though there were signs that told him to stop.

Signs.

The signs had been there all along.

"You love me..." Jeongguk blurted out. His realization was too sudden that he couldn't help but a cry a little.

You panicked as you asked him what was wrong.

"I wasted six months because of how stupid I am!" His answer was unclear.

"Gukkie," you put your hands on the either side of his shoulder, urging him to look at you. "You're not making sense. Speak slowly."

Jeongguk shook his head, tears still painting his cheeks. It was funny how the situation kept on turning around. Just a few breaths ago, you were the one who was on the verge of crying.

"I told you you didn't understand!" Jeongguk was still not making sense, but you decided to stay quiet and let him speak.

It looked like he needed an outlet for the reason that his emotions were overflowing.

"I left b'cause I thought...you...d-din't love me!" He sobbed and your heart cracked.

How could he think this way when all you had ever done was make him feel the love you felt for him?

Jeongguk's twisted expression told you that you had voiced out the question running inside your mind out loud.

"I called you delusional since I believed that you really are," he was bringing back the wounds that you were trying so hard to forget.

Still, you didn't stop him from speaking.

"H-How can you be sure you love me when I myself know that I am not worthy of your love?"

Jeongguk knew that he had always been mean to you. He hadn't done anything to make you fall in love with him that was why he was questioning your feelings.

It wasn't him whom you loved. It was the idea of him being your soulmate. You liked the thought that there was someone out there for you.

It made sense now, though. The fact that he could see colors brightly made him realize that your feelings were real, but it didn't mean he understood your reasons.

Jeongguk stood by his statement. He was unworthy of your love.

"You're not doubting yourself, Jeongguk." You shook your head at him, proving him otherwise. "You are doubting my feelings for you."

This wasn't about Jeongguk's beliefs. This was about you. You grew up thinking that when you felt like everything was collapsing, your only choice was to trust what you feel was right. It's because at the end of the day, you were going to be the one to face the consequence of your actions—not your parents, not your friends, and not even your soulmate. They would be affected by your decisions, yes, but only indirectly.

They could make their own choices that would directly affect their lives even if their choice was based on your decision. People would end up having different results even though they walked on the same path.

"But why me?" Jeongguk sounded broken as he asked this. It hurt you to think that he really thought so lowly of himself.

He couldn't be blamed. He loved Red before; however, it was still not enough. He had moved on from her, but it didn't mean that all the scars would fade away.

His first breakup up caused him to think that despite giving your one hundred percent, it would still be lacking for some people.

But you weren't some people.

You were you and you had your reason.

"Sometimes you don't need a reason to love someone." Your reason was not having a reason at all.

Your soulmate wasn't sure if he agreed to what you said.

Jeongguk didn't believe that just because things existed, it was already valid. Validation cannot be valid if one would not give enough reasons to prove why it's worth validating.

This was the reason why Jeongguk was questioning the love you claimed you felt. He needed reasons. He was just a human after all—always in need of affection and reassurance.

"I mean...I tried thinking of a reason why I shouldn't love you, but I just can't find any." Your confession made Jeongguk blush.

You had always been straight forward.

The way you loved was the opposite of how your soulmate loved. This was probably the explanation why it took him long to admit his feelings for you.

As stated, Jeongguk was in constant need of reason. His drawings of you were his proof of the love he felt.

"If you can't find any reason, then just allow me to tell you the million reasons why I love you."

He didn't wait for your answer. Jeongguk simply moved closer to you. His face was just inches away from yours.

"You're smart." And then he kissed your forehead.

You weren't only a book smart. You were emotionally intelligent. You had taught Jeongguk a lot of things, especially when it came to forgiveness and compassion.

"You're brave." He kissed you left eye.

He remembered the night you told him you liked him. It was in front of many people. You didn't hesitate even when he was running away.

"You're patient and understanding," he kissed your right eye.

You tried to understand Jeongguk's annoying attitude.

"You work hard in all aspects." He kissed your nose.

"You're beautiful," he kissed your left cheek.

You really were. Inside and out.

"It's you,"

Jeongguk didn't know if he could love someone who wasn't you.

"Most importantly, I love you because you are my soulmate." And then he kissed you on the lips.

You laughed in between the kiss, but you didn't stop kissing him back.

Did you forgive him?

The answer was yes.

Were you ready to love him again?

Perhaps.

Were you still hurt by his actions before?

Yes.

Did you want to be with him?

Yes.

There were many questions flooding your mind right now. Some of your answers might not be the truth, maybe you were just too happy right now—caught up in the moment because you were in Jeongguk's arms again.

But it didn't matter now because one thing was sure.

You were willing to love Jeon Jeongguk again because you didn't want to repeat his mistake.

You didn't want to lose your soulmate just because of hatred and denial.

Things were clear now.

Jeon Jeongguk loved you and the world was no longer black and white.

 BONUS: (a poem made by young OC that made her realize why she should trust her own feelings)

holy. after 6 weeks???? i’m finally done writing this baby. wow. thank you thank you everyone for reading this—especially those people who never failed to send me feedback. i love you all!

New fic alert! READ HERE >> SAVE ME - Demon!Taehyung x Doctor!Reader

YES. I LIKE USING BTS’ songs as the title of my fanfics. 😅

[dragon-kazansky]

Dangerous | Helmut Zemo

AU! Race car driver Zemo 😎

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

[Masterlist]

[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]

Part 4

Zemo stared at his phone which he had sat on his desk. His car has been fixed up and he was about to go test run it, but his mind wasn't focused on the car. All he could think about was you.

Sam pokes his head into the office.

"Ready for the test run?"

Zemo looks up, acting as if his mind hasn't been elsewhere, and nodded. He glances at his phone once more before leaving with Sam.

You hadn't contacted him and he was missing you. He had no idea it would be this bad. It had been a couple of days since you had left and he was wishing time had paused that day, anything to spend a few extra minutes with you.

He looks at his car. He needed to put his racing mind on. He grabs his helmet, and gears up. Once he's in the car, he is in racer mode.

When you stepped off the train, your friend was waiting eagerly. She squealed as she ran over to you and pulled you into a hug. You chuckled as she nearly caused you to fall over.

"I've missed you!"

"I was only gone a couple of days," you chuckle.

"I know, but still. Something super amazing has happened and I'm about to lose my mind!"

"What is it?"

You both begin to leave the station, you eager to hear what is so exciting.

"Remember Tony Stark?"

Of course you did. You had literally seen him that weekend, racing.

"Yes."

"Well-"

As you exit the station, you come to a stop. Right in front of you is a limousine. Sleek, black, and expensive looking.

You look at your friend in shock.

"Explain."

Tony Stark climbs out of the limo before she can. You stare in shock. What was he even doing here? Shouldn't he be off training for the next race? Why was he here?

Your friend skips over to him and he places an arm around her.

"What is happening?"

Your friend smiles away, leaning against the billionaire beside her. Maybe you were imagining this. Tony Stark could not be here.

"Y/N, this is my boyfriend."

You are so sure your brain malfunctioned right there. You drop your bag and try to figure if you actually heard that.

You friend laughs as she grabs your bag and puts it into the limo.

"For real?" You ask, looking at Stark.

"For real." He grins.

"Come on, we'll take you home," your friend urges you into the limo. You cannot believe this is happening.

Once you're all in, your friend gives the driver your address and you all set off. You can only stare as she practically drapes herself over his lap.

You feel so confused.

The car was filled only with silence for the reminder of the ride. It was awkward and suffocating, but there was nothing you could say.

When the limo stopped outside of your apartment, you climbed out. Your friend got out too. You pulled her off to the side.

"How? When? How long has this been a thing?" You ask, rapidly firing out your questions.

"He asked me out. That night a couple weeks ago. At the party. The one you didn't come to."

"And you're only mentioning this now?"

"He asked me to wait, so I did. Then a couple days ago, he called me and said he was ready for to tell people."

"A couple of days ago? Friday?"

"Yeah."

You glance back at the car. Friday was race day. Was that a coincidence?

"I'm your friend, why didn't you tell me?"

"I promised I wouldn't until he said I could. I really like him Y/N."

"Do you? Are you in love with him because he's amazing and loves you? Or because he's your favourite pro racer and billionaire?" You narrow you gaze at her.

Her jaw is clenched, eyes hazy with tears.

"That's not fair."

"It's very fair. I don't think you've thought this through."

She let's her tears fall, drops your bag at your feet, pushes you back, and then climbs into the car. You watch the limo drive off before you pick up your bag and go inside your home.

Something didn't sit right with you.

You throw your bag on your bed, deciding to unpack later, and slump down on your sofa. Your mind flickered to Zemo.

You hadn't contacted him. You could have done so on the train. You grab your phone and send him a message.

You: Hey :) I hope I didn't keep you waiting.

You put the phone down and wait. He was probably busy, but you would wait. Closing your eyes, you could almost imagine being back in his car, speeding down the road like crazy. You missed that feeling.

Life was too slow now.

You yearned to be a part of Zemo's lifestyle. You wanted to be beside him, cheering his name, watching as he wins against Stark.

Speaking of, you would have to make arrangements. You needed to check your work schedule and make sure you had that weekend off.

You didn't want to miss a race.

You feel asleep with those thoughts. The wind in your hair, laughter filling the car, Zemo looking over at you with a smile. He was right there in your dreams.

Zemo had done several laps up and down the runway. He would take it down to the track tomorrow to test it out proper, but for now it was in great condition.

The moment he changed out of his gear, he went to collect his things from the office. Picking up his phone, his heart leaped with joy when he saw the text.

You: Hey :) I hope I didn't keep you waiting.

He smiled at his phone and immediately saved your number.

Y/N❤

It felt right to put you in his phone like that. He mentally scolded himself for getting carried away, but he didn't change it. He left it like that and replied.

Zemo: You did, but I'll forgive you. You can make it up to me when I see you next.

He smiled as he tucked his phone away and prepared to head home. On the drive home, his mind turned to you again. There was a silly grin on his face. He would take this third race as a sign. If you showed up, he would take you for that drink, and maybe something would happen. He was not ready to let you go just yet.

A thought crossed his mind.

What if he visited you before the race? He would surely be able to get you to give up your address to him. You would with the drive up. Maybe next could take a peek into your life.

Would you like that?

Never before had he questioned himself so much. When it came to you, there was doubt in his mind. It's not as if you were his anyway. Friend? Yes, quite possibly. Nothing more.

Yet, he yearned for it.

Would you enter his world if invited you? Perhaps he would keep that question up his sleeve until the time seemed right.

It wasn't until he was at home that he got a reply. You must have been busy.

You: That's fair. Assuming I make it, of course.

He smiled at your response.

Zemo: I'll be disappointed if you don't come. I may need your luck again.

You: Yes, because that went so well last time.

Zemo: My losing was no your fault. I blame Stark.

There was several minutes of silence before your next response.

You: How is the car?

Zemo: In working order. I'm going to tinker with it some more. I won't stop until it's up to standard.

You: You must be very busy then.

Zemo: Not too busy that I can't talk to you.

It was so easy to be all bold when you were communicating by text.

You: Cute, but I'm not falling for that ;)

Two could play that game, it seemed.

Zemo: May I ask you something?

You: Of course

Zemo: Where do you work?

You: Why? I can tell you now, it's no where as cool as your job.

Zemo: I want to know more about you.

There was another pause before your response. This one was a little longer than other and Zemo wondered if he had crossed a line.

Then you replied.

You: At cafe, it's called The Redwing. Nice enough place, but not as exciting as your job.

The Redwing? He had heard that name before. Sam came to mind as he thought about it. Zemo smiled.

Zemo: Sounds interesting to me.

You: If you say so. No fast cars here though, just people wanting coffee.

Zemo: I want to hear more, but perhaps some other time. I should eat before I fall asleep on my couch. See you soon?

A couple minutes go by, and then:

You: Maybe ;)

He smiled a smug grin as he put his phone down. He would see you soon, you just didn't know how soon.

Seemed like Zemo had a call to make.

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