#i literally mean it when i say this is becoming less and less of a childish dislike and more and more of an adult grudge. which is far wors
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Kallus' motivations are so interesting
I just need to get these thoughts out so Iām throwing this ramble here:
Now, this may totally just be me thinking too much (fork found in kitchen) but I feel like when it comes to how we tend to think about Kallusā characterization, the implications of Kallusā experience on Onderon are very overlooked.Ā
So he goes to Onderon with āthe boysā-- which, the term āthe boysā has its own set of implications about how Kallus must have really cared for those troopers under his command but I digressā and on a patrol theyāre attacked, yada yada, we all know the story.Ā
But Kallus becomes fully paralyzed. He doesnāt describe the extent of his paralyzation but given that he had to watch as his squad was āfinished off one by oneā itās pretty fair to assume that he could not move whatsoever. The fear that any person would experience in that situation is completely indescribable, that is genuinely some shit straight out of a night terror.Ā
He isā as we knowā spared (albeit we donāt get exact details (did the merc try to kill him but reinforcements arrived before he could? Did the merc think that Kallus was already dead? Secret 3rd option?)) and he makes a full physical recovery, but there is no way in hell that he is not coming out of that encounter with some crazy PTSD.Ā
Thereās not a whole lot of info on Imperial mental health services but I donāt think itās a longshot to assume that they are probably close to nonexistent.
So the empire now hasā¦ an ISB agent with field experienceā¦ with untreated PTSDā¦ where said PTSDs inciting incident pertained to a Lasatā¦ and theyāre looking to make an example out of Lasanā¦ā¦ā¦.. Are you picking up what I'm putting down hereā¦...?
If you arenāt; it is BY NO MEANS a wild assumption to say that the Empireā essentiallyā weaponized Kallusā PTSD, given that he would be less likely to question the moral atrocities happening on Lasan since he was already biased against Lasat as a whole.Ā
Now, we donāt really have a solid grasp on what Kallusā exact role in Lasan was since heāsĀ kiiiiinnnd of an unreliable narratorā I mean weāre given the line in Droids in Distress where he takes credit for giving orders during the siege, but Kallus routinely just runs his mf mouth whenever heās throwing hands so itās likeā¦Ā that could either be the truth or a crazy exaggeration, we as viewers have literally no idea whatās going on thereā but it goes without saying that Kallus is obviously not excused from his participation just because of (likely) untreated mental illness, but that is literally like the whole point of his character so like we all knew that
Now, after Lasan, Kallus does something really bizarre for an imperial to do; he accepts the borifle given to him through the Boosan Keerah, and even though he doesnāt know about the cultural significance of that, he still takes it upon himself to learn how to use this weapon. I think that literally any other imperial would have tossed that shit out on sight, so I think it does kind of imply that Kallus did have a good deal of respect for Lasat culture.
Now we can all recall how Kallus is so annoying and also batshit insane whenever he fights Zeb for the first season and a half of rebels, and ME THINKS that this is because he wants to prove to himself that if he were not paralyzed on Onderon, he could have saved the members of his squad. He had to sit by and watch them die, and I think that he just wants the vindication; now you may be thinking, But Emma, he beat the Lasat who gave him his borifle, why would he still be obsessing over thisā say it with me nowā he is mentally ill. No victory will ever be enough to prove this to himself. Point blank period.Ā
(edit:) He is for sure operating from a place of extreme predjudice and bias but I think it's worth noting that heās not operating under the usual xenophobic imperial mindset that other species are automaticaly lesser than. (end edit) This weird obsession that he has in seasons 1 and 2 deels like it's mostly there because he wants to outwit and outfight Zeb (and the rest of the Ghost crewā¦ but especially Zeb) (edit: Though it is 100% influenced by Xenophobia-- his mental illness and xenopobia DO coexist!!)
And after the Honorable Ones???? Itās literally never brought up again. He chills tf out so hard after that it is high key uncanny. And like, yes duh that is becauseā for writing purposesā thatās the beginning of his redemption and they want viewers to root for him as fulcrum, but it also implies that after finding common ground with Zeb, and understanding where heās coming from and who Zeb is as a person, he realizes that heās been CRASHING TF OUT for basically no reason.Ā
And he is SO QUICK to switch sides?? Like, he is fulcrum at least a decent time before the beginning of season three. The whole point is that the second he asks questions and delves deeper into what the Empires motivations are he is disgusted enough that he doesnāt just drop everything and disappear, no, he became a spy for the rebels because he wants to help. I feel like that just goes to show that, at his core, Kallus is a good person. A deeply confused, and hurt, and misguided person, but a good one.Ā
I dunno, this is just a really long winded way of saying that Kallus is the perfect example of an imperial pawn. Like the Empire is an incredibly effecient indoctrination machine that exploits people at every turn, especially their own soldiers, and I think that Kallusā relationship with that indoctrination along with his own motivations is just super super interesting and I think about it literally all the time
#This was way longer than I thought it would be#I have a whole lot more to say about his character post defection but we don't have room for that here#cameoliob speaks#star wars#star wars rebels#rebels#swr#agent kallus#Kallus#alexsandr kallus#Garazeb Orrelios#Kalluzeb
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@necrowyrm asked: happy new year!!! enjoy the last little bit of homestuck before act 6! Anonymous asked: You have NO IDEA how much I was looking forward to your reaction to this flash :D @teddy-bearer-of-bad-news asked: a very late congratulations from me for making it this far! i gotta say, saving CASCADE for new year's is probably the smartest thing i've heard all week. may your experience be nothing short of righteous, comrade Anonymous asked: Cascade ā¦ Even years latter knowing it almost by heart, every once in a while I will take a little quarter of an hour to rewatch it, Say what you want about Hussie but there is a good reason Homestuck became so iconic. @adeptarcanist asked: The leadup to Cascade was honestly my favorite sequence in Homestuck, and maybe one of my favorites in any media ever? The way the narrative splits apart into all of the different scenes swirling in towards the critical moment, both advancing main plots and finding time to spend a moment of melancholy with characters whoād been left behind (The Jaspers and Nepeta scene :( )ā¦ itās such a strong narrative device, and the tone it generates is impeccable. @calamitascalliope asked: I literally watched the flash again, and it still gives me chills every single time. Welcome to your post-Cascade life. You won't be able to think about anything the same ever again @iris-in-the-dark-world asked: "she looks so coolā¦ but sheās so tragicā¦ but she looks so coolā¦" has become a brainworm for me. i too love the handmaid's design btw, cascade time has been i think the most anticipated non-personal event of the entire year for me. i'm so excited @publicuniversalworstie asked: I want you to know that I also opened Cascade and started watching with you right after I saw your "oh my god it has chapters" ask, and I finished just as you posted "I will never be the same" !! And I bet lots of other people did too <3 so it's like we all watched it together!!!! Happy New Year and thank you for liveblogging!!!! It's been a pleasureļ¼(and will continue to be) @krixwell asked: I would like you to know that your "Right, we're good to go!" and "oh my god it has chapters" posts were posted right as I was outside watching midnight fireworks ring in 2025 for the Central European timezone. Happy new year! @captorations asked:
hey remember when rose just up and fucking said that. anyway congrats on reaching cascade! it absolutely wrecked me back in the day, i think i stared at those flaming curtains for a solid ten minutes as my brain permanently reconfigured. the first few notes of the track alone still give shivers. getting your reaction to cascade was a wonderful birthday present. (speaking of getting older: aradia š¤ dulcinea also got that "distressingly short lifespan only to die early anyway" story thread going on. the parallels are paralleling.) anyway happy new year and congrats you areā¦ slightly less than halfway done with homestuck. have fun!
Hey, guys. Cascade was so fucking good.
Like, there's really no competition; this is the best Flash page in the comic thus far. Peak music, peak animation, and absolutely a peak narrative. It tied up mountains of plot threads, providing complete answer to questions we're been asking for literally thousands of pages. It completed over a dozen arcs, both big and small. It made me gasp three times in fourteen minutes. It let Jade become a furry.
11/10, and I'm glad people had as much fun here as I did on New Year's Eve. Happy 2025, and happy Act 6!
@morganwick asked: Sally, predicting Cascade: "I have approximate knowledge of many things." @morganwick asked: "You literally have the whole world in the palm of your hands." -Sally to Jadesprite, December 16, 2024 (You might also want to reread post/770701212350857216 in light of recent developments.)
Hah!
I mean, based on her powerset, it made sense that Jadesprite would do something like this eventually, but it's pretty funny that she did it more or less immediately.
And in the end, CD really was a tricky little bastard. We'll definitely need to keep a closer eye on him, next time around.
Anonymous asked: Take a moment to consider that if anyone were to use the Homestuck website as it stands now instead of the Collection program, Cascade would have been presented in the YouTube player in Standard Definition, artifacted to hell, with a clear boundary showing the dimensions of the video from the very start. Preservation is so important.
Jeez, you're not kidding. The 1080p is fine, I guess, but it certainly doesn't hit like the Flash version does, especially with its lack of moving panels.
I know something had to change when Flash kicked the bucket, but surely there was a better way to preserve the video's soul.
Anonymous asked: to give you some of an idea of what homestuck fandom looked like during this time period, im cribbing from a very popular homestuck post: āfirst, this upd8 was something that we had been waiting for for WEEKS. A literally unprecedented wait period at the time. We were used to suckling at the teat of daily updates, a constant stream of conversation and plot twists and buildup, and as EOA5, we were finally going to figure out what all these countdowns and plot threads and disconnected elements were building up for. And when the progress bar reached 100%, and when the page FINALLY loaded on 10/25/11, it was chaos. This was 2011, a primetime peak point and growth period of Homestuck fan density.ā (ā¦) āMSPA crashed, as it had started to during the last few big [S] updates. Hussie had already bought new servers in advance, but even when allegedly thousands of dollars were spent it couldn't handle the accidental DDOS attack of Homestuck fans. People were up all night waiting for this upd8, the curiosity was killing me. I know at some point he was receiving at least 1 million unique visitors per day to his site [correction: according to Hussieās tumblr, upwards of 2 million during this time], and even though Hussie had foreseen such traffic and thusly hosted [S] Cascade on Newgrounds, a dedicated video streaming site, Newgrounds was similarly unprepared for the sheer amount of people frantically mashing the play and refresh buttons, and also crashed. Immediately. MSPA and Newgrounds crashed definitively for at least two nights in a rowā (ā¦) āAndrew Hussie has gone on record to say this was one of the few times he thought Homestuck wasnāt worth it, because the sheer unbelievable cost (was it $10,000?) [correction: according to Hussieās tumblr, it looked like it was going to cost $100,000 to keep [S] Cascade up for several days] of servers and the chaos of no one able to see the upd8 and crashing nearly every site after. He was tweeting during the whole debacle, stating he was reluctant to put it up on Youtube because of all the moving elements of the flash, and style, and how youtube degraded the quality of the file size, and how he tried to scratch out buffer time and pauses by putting periods of silence between each section of the 14 minute upd8, the longest upd8 yetā āSo after Newgrounds patooted, he didnāt put it on youtube and instead put up the entire flash file on Megaupload, where it could be downloaded in itās entirety to be watched. UNFORTUNATELY, Megaupload also crashed very quickly, which Hussie felt much headache over. But before that happened I managed to get the file, since I happened to be up very early that night! Next it was on dropbox, which didnāt crash but had ālink unavailableā on and off. āSpoilers were flying everywhere, people didnāt understand everything that had happened, and by the time the timeline of events in and out of [S] Cascade was all straightened out, people became even MORE hype. Like this whole thing lasted at least four days, and on top of that, the upd8 was good. Fandom exploded.ā it is impossible to quantify the experience. The fact hussie was going to have to fork over A HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS to host it is crazy. I am never going to be over it.
Cascade's complete obliteration of the Flash-hosting internet says a lot about huge Homestuck truly was - but I think an even bigger indicator of the comic's success is the fact that Hussie dropped literally thousands of dollars on server upgrades to host the thing. That's not an investment you make unless you're expecting some serious returns.
#homestuck liveblog#full liveblog#act 5.2#asks#also happy belated birthday @captorations. what a birthdate to have fr fr
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Collected Thoughts On Caitlyn From Last Few Days
**Spoilers From All Of Arcane**
So... as I have said many times in the past my thoughts come in bits and pieces over a day or two when I get locked onto a topic. That leads to the small blurbs all hovering around the same subject more or less. But this one seemed worth sort of putting all in one.
Amanda Overton confirmed the use of "The Grey" was strategic to a pinpoint but left the question to the asker if that made it forgivable or not. That is of course for each person to decide, but I will say this:
A- It isn't fatal. You can harp all you like about what may happen later. Vi may have CTE from getting punched in the head over and over. The shimmer in Jinx's blood may actually be breaking down her body little-by little over time, and same for Sevika. Timeline hopping may have irreparably damaged the cellular structure of Ekko's body and he only has days to live. We can only operate with what we know. There are many, MANY characters who have been openly exposed and appear to be just fine. And before you mention those images from Caitlyn's study when she is learning about the Grey, there is big difference between growing up surrounded by something every day of your life, and being exposed in a single targeted incident. B- The alternative was a full-scale Enforcer "invasion" armed with hex-tech, or. The strike team sans something that cleared innocents out of areas and left enemy soldiers standing and armed, instead of incapacitated and arrested.
2. Zaun is not an independent nation.
A- We know this since ya know.. they were voting on it before Jinx blew them up. B- This means that while Zaun it a separate city. It still falls completely under the jurisdiction of the council. C- When Caitlyn leads the strike team and uses a targeted, non-lethal crowd-dispersal chemical weapon, she is doing so not under any heading of war. But of peace keeping (using the term technically not emotionally. I understand they were not peaceful) and law-enforcement in a place that strictly legally speaking she has every ounce of authority to be in. (I am strictly speaking of legality and technical definition here. They were essentially a swat team sent to a really dangerous area. Not an invading army. Not a justification or excuse. But if we want to talk about this stuff we should do it properly). D- Zaun is under the council's jurisdiction. The council all agreed to martial law and let Caitlyn become the commander. Therefore this is the situation:
Caitlyn is the leader of a very small country with two cities, both under her control.
City A- Where she lives now.
City B- The other one. Where a dangerous terrorist is hiding who has almost killed her repeatedly, just assassinated three of their rulers and blew up a building, killed more than six enforcers and blew up another building, and as far as they know probably orchestrated the full scale attack at the memorial.
So what does Caitlyn actually approve? City B will be placed under lockdown until this woman who is quite clearly a massive threat to everyone's safety is caught.
Yep. there it is folks. "I am placing the city you all have given me complete authority over under control until we catch the person who tried to kill me,and has killed a bunch of us already. We will have patrols and set up checkpoints. People who violate the law will be arrested.
"Arrests require cause"
"Why is peace the justification for violence?"
She doesn't approve or give permission for any of the rest of that shit. the brutality, the experiments, none of it. And don't misunderstand me none of this is to say she didn't do anything wrong. But the dialogue around her is COMPLETELY. INSANE.
"War Crimes!"
"Fascist!"
"Dictator!"
Yall. She is literally getting up early to meet with a trade guild so they can bitch at her over supply issues. Dark Lord Kiramman she is not.
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Another crackpot "Project: Eden's Garden" theory
(Sunny, they/she) hi again it's your girl I'm going insane again so I'm back with another theory
NOTE: Unlike my chapter 2 theory, which is more cohesive and at least has some Biblical parallels and narrative themes to back it up, this theory is COMPLETE speculation based off of only a few observations - so keep that in mind while reading.
THE THEORY
So uh. Cassidy sus. *points at her* amogus! amogus!
For real, though. Does anyone else get the feeling that she's a bit... out of touch, emotionally? Or that she's the most fourth-wall-breaky of the group, like she keeps feeding her jokes and references to some sort of viewer (whether the player or the literal broadcast viewers in-universe)?
This could most definitely be just a comic relief thing. Or maybe a "streamer" thing, since that's what she's known for - and streamers are notorious for not being totally authentic, especially when they're in front of an audience. It's not like half of their audience really cares about how they feel, or if they're having a bad day - they want entertainment. I could see a character arc where Cassidy becomes a bit more expressive and authentic with her emotions across the rest of the game, learning to let her actual feelings show instead of masking her fear/sadness with smiles and jokes. I would love an arc like this in a DR fangame.
But, personally, I have other suspicions. There's a few pieces of "evidence" that make me suspect her of being the mastermind (quote marks because it's not conclusive and could be interpreted in other ways). I know there might not be a traditional "mastermind" in P:EG, especially since the creators said not to expect canon DR tropes, but just take "mastermind" to mean someone in the main cast that's working with Tozu/Mara/any other killing game organizers, whether willingly or under duress.
THE "EVIDENCE"
She's a streamer. As I said, this could explain why she seems so inauthentic and that's that - but that is ignoring the tangible benefit that her platform would have for the masterminds if they decided to use it. She easily has the biggest live following of the group - while there are other individuals with mass followings, like Wenona (who runs a huge business) and Kai (who has a ton of social media followers), Cassidy's thing is livestreaming. This killing game is being livestreamed. And if the killing game organizers are broadcasting it, it would make total sense for them to take advantage of the Ultimate Pro Gamer's live audience - and this would be easier to do if she was in on it, rather than if they had to hack her account to get a stream going or something.
Her actions during chapter 1. The two most important things she does are: a) kick down everyone's doors so they're forced to leave their dorms, and b) organize the game tournament during which a murder happens. The reason she says she did this was to get people to be more active and do something fun with each other, to boost their spirits. But it is possible that she wanted to force people to be out and about so that there would be more chances for people to kill each other - and/or to keep things more entertaining for the viewers (similar to how she feeds jokes/references to the camera). There is also potentially an argument that she might want to get people to trust each other in a less overt way than someone like Wolfgang or Diana - by getting them to let their guards down. With people's guards down, it becomes easier for a wolf in sheep's clothing to strike. (Hahaha get it because-- *gets shot*) You could even say that everyone's caught in her spider's web and they don't even realize it. (Hahaha get it because-- *double gunshot*)
This fucking picture. (Everything before this was already speculation, but this is EVEN MORE SPECULATIVE!) I have no idea what it means, and I know it was Diana that Wolfgang hallucinated as being his mother when he was in the boiler room, but Cassidy looks even more like her. Like, other than her eye color, she has the facial proportions of Wolfgang's dad and the eyes/hair of his mom. (Haha your mom.) Maybe they're siblings/half-siblings, I don't know. But it does strike me that Wolfgang's last words were "I won't stop until the world knows me as--!" before he died. Which... could mean he knows who the mastermind is, or has some involvement with the killing game, or maybe his parents did and he knows about it ("like father, like son..."). I have no clue, this is just me guessing based off of a facial similarity and two lines of dialogue lmfao.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I don't know. Try again later.
Uh, but if I had to come up with some sort of potential motive for her to be involved - assuming she's a willing participant and has some sort of ideological or personal motive - then... here goes.
The first thing that comes to mind is something Damon says multiple times in the prologue: "Ultimates are charged with the betterment of society." And, well, he thinks everyone's doing a shit job - except for maybe Wenona, because she's a billionaire and runs a big business that feeds people. Basically everyone else, he thinks is totally useless.
Well... I can see a way that Cassidy might feel similarly, but in sort of a reverse way. She's a streamer and a pro gamer with a huge audience - and so far, she actually seems like the least harmful popular figure in the group. Compare her to Kai Monteago - who's a total dunce and who seems to really only care about his own fame when it comes to his talent. Or Wenona - who's a billionaire, a wealth hoarder whose profile literally says she owns over 90% of the agriculture industry and she dislikes unions.
We don't really know anything about Cassidy's platform (that I can immediately remember) other than "she's a gamer" and "they're called Cassidy's Comrades" - but even in just that, there's already communist theming with the "comrade" joke. Though that could just be a "haha Soviet Russia" joke and nothing deeper, I will also point out that one thing streamers are known for doing is charity streams - oftentimes long ones that become widely talked about because someone decided to stay on stream for 24 hours straight to raise money for a charitable cause. Also, because of the live nature of streamers' relationships with their fandoms, it's much more common than other industries for streamers to be publicly put on blast for things like microaggressions or giving money to bad people - something that could easily influence someone like Cassidy. What is a killing game broadcast, but a livestream where all these Ultimates are put on blast - with their first murder motive being cryptic blackmail about some of the worst things they've done?
In my "Cassidy = mastermind" hypothetical, where Damon's hatred of the Ultimate title and the people who have it comes largely from his ego and distrust of others in general, Cassidy could hate the Ultimate title and the people who have it because she thinks they're not doing enough to help others. Ultimates have been charged with the betterment of society, and they're failing. In this hypothetical, Cassidy also puts herself above others and distrusts others - but expresses it very differently from Damon. Surprisingly, much more pessimistically, given the whole murder game and all.
Well - that's if I'm right. I'm probably not. But it's a fun thought, right?
#project eden's garden#cassidy amber#wolfgang akire#damon maitsu#diana venicia#kai monteago#wenona#beyond the veil of hypocrisy
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I think itās a very popular fandom view, at least on Tumblr (god bless Reddit) that Light was literally moaning from L āmassagingā his feet, and thatās very fun and valid but I honestly never saw it.
I always saw L as being purposefully rough at first, generally because he was upset and depressed at the thought of death and also because he instinctively knew that Light was going to be the cause of it (thus he wanted to take it out on Light by giving him a small dose of pain in return) and Light was groaning in painā¦ because it genuinely hurt. But heās not one to back down either so he relents, which is a mistake because now heās confronted the physicality of what heās doing, and death (especially Lās death) becomes less of an abstract concept as he is grounded and present in the moment.
[Not necessary āāā> Thereās actually a lot less internal monologue in this scene from both of them so it actually applies both ways, in my opinion. Itās interesting to me that L was the one to initiate after slight contemplation but heās also the one who engages more with sensory pleasures (having a big sweet tooth, freedom in what he wears, stuff like sucking on his thumb or biting his nails which is not socially acceptable but actually very grounding) so it tacks. And thus Light is brought out of his head.]
Anyways, L is subtly angry, and mocking, but when Light returns his pain with gentlenessā¦ he does not expect it. And it is more torturous for him than if Light had just acted apathetic/antagonistic, because now he has to confront the fact that he was wrong about the hubris of Kira for once, āthat Light was, in his own way, opening up, by choosing to engage with the moment instead of retreating into his head. Actions over words, because they always lied with their tongues and not with their bodies.
L then stiffens, jaw clenched, eyes widening. He says āsorryā and he MEANS it. When he recovers and starts wiping Lightās feet again, he is gentler and Light is not groaning anymore (he has no reaction on his face that suggests pain, at least) and he watches L, intently.
Which if course could all mean nothing.
#death note#lawlight#light yagami#L#analysis#a shoddy one but Iām so sad that no one really mentions this#because itās so cute to me that L justā¦ actually stops hurting Light#even though I wouldnāt blame L for absolutely bitch slapping Light considering heās his killer#which brings me to the pointā how down bad are you for your rival if your revenge was washing his feet#rain scene#please donāt let this flop#I really want to feel validated in this view because itās just so divine to me#and symbolic#lawlight you will never be normal
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A Fizziepop Take: Letās talk about the anti-Blitz bash
Iām still fairly new to Reddit, but I saw this post on it and I wanna talk about it. No hate to the OG Reddit poster or anyone else who shares this opinion, I just have some thoughts about it, so letās get into it because I actually get the āFuck Blitz Partyā.
Ok, so we all know that Blitz, while being a definite fan favorite in the show, and the shows literal namesake, Blitz is bad at love, BUT in order to talk about why this party is actually ānecessaryā in a way, we first need to talk about Blitz and his ideas of what love is vs what kind of āloveā he himself deserves. Within the fragmented bits of flashbacks and from what weāve actually heard from the mouths of the characters, weāve been able to start piecing together backstories for some of themā¦. But as of right now, I wanna look at the bits and pieces of Blitzās past that weāve been slowly accumulating throughout the last 2 seasons because we get to see a lot of what made him the way he is now. Starting off strong, we have an abusive father, a best friend turned enemy, a sister gone no contact, and the tragic death of a motherā¦. Yikes. Thats like 4 tiers on a tragedy cake, which is why it so heavily influences how he experiences love as an adult; trauma changes the brain chemistry, meaning that from the first time his father spoke down to him and treated him as lesser than Barbie and/or Fizz, the impās perception of himself and the world around him began to shift, and with each new trauma came a new sense of everything within and around him. Within his formative years, we see him lose the 3 close relationships (his mom, his sister, and his best friend), and it happens literally one after the other after the other, which in his mind solidified the ideas of worthlessness his father planted in him at such a young age.Ā
What does this all have to do with Blitzās exes hating him enough to throw a party about it in the current day? I know a lot of people hate this phrase (myself included honestly), but āhurt people, hurt peopleā. Itās a cheap line, I know, but thereās not too many ways to explain it that donāt boil down to this idea at itās core when it comes to Blitzā¦. But hereās the thing: Blitz never truly wants to hurt anyone, he just kinda does it and even he doesnāt understand completely why he feels the need to fuck up every good thing he seems to get his hands on. On the outside looking in, we as an audience know that Blitz is bad at love because heās been conditioned to equate his worth with what he can give/what he can do (think of how his dad manipulated him into stealing from stolas, or no one seemed to laugh during his jokes in the circus), and this mentality strongly affected how heās able to cultivate relationships now because heās still constantly looking at all his relationships as transactional because itās the only way he believes he deserves to be loved by anyone. A lot of people say that you canāt love someone until you love himself, meaning that Blitzās own self hatred is holding him back from meaningful relationships, which is true, but itās less a case of the imp being unable to love and more a case of him being uncomfortable with intimacy and therefore not entirely knowing how to accept or show it. We that man has so much love in his body to give to those he surrounds himself with that it is almost sickening, but because heās not comfortable with receiving the same type of loving energy he puts into others, when it happens and someone shows a genuine interest in him past just sex, he panics and goes on the offense. Think of him like a dog whoās been attacked by other dogs; after the first time, they might be a little scared, after the second, theyāll probably start to become a little more skittish and on edge when other dogs approach them even if its someone they once enjoyed being near, but by the third and fourth times its happened, that dog will start viewing every other dog as a potential threat and theyāll react by being the aggressor because āif I hurt them first, they canāt hurt meā.
I know by this point, everyone is probably still like āFizzie, why does this mean that his exes hate him enough to throw a party like that?ā and āHow did he date that many people?ā
Simply put: Blitz didnāt ādateā all those people. If I had to guess, I would honestly say he probably only ever had real relationships with about a quarter of the people at the party. Why is that? Because I Blitz used sex as a coping mechanism for most of his lifeā¦ if I were to go based solely on vibes, I think this likely started because his father realized he could rent his son out for more āplaydatesā after what happened with Stolas when they were children, meaning that he would have equated sex with being desired, and I think for a long time being desired in any way was better than not being wanted at all in his eyesā¦ But with his fear of intimacy and being left to rot after having fallen for someone, I think he took the hurt them before they hurt me approach, so I think a lot of the people there were in a mostly one-sided relationship with him, one that Blitz never truly viewed as romantic intimate relationships, hence why he says he canāt believe heās fucked that many people rather than dated that many. Looking at things from this perspective, it would make a lot more sense since Blitz not viewing most relationships as exclusive would mean he potentially had his connections and fun with multiple people within the same timeline. Do I think Blitz is a cheater? Not by nature, but I also think that when he was using this mentality anyone who wanted to have a relationship with him where he didnāt wander from their bed would have had to explicitly specify that to him, and I think that a lot of these exes either assumed he would hold their relationship to the same standards they did or, when they would bring it up or mention the word āloveā in anything more than a joking manner, he would cut and run, likely doing something in the end to show them that he was not worth the love they attempted to pour into him, like he did with Verosika.
Assuming this is the way things went down with the exes at the party, itās likely that a lot of them never truly got the closure they needed to fully heal from hurricane Blitzā¦ And though I donāt think he ever meant to hurt this many people to that point, I think it was a sort of wakeup call to him to see that not only have these people trauma bonded over him to the point where the party is almost like a support group for these people, but it also opened his eyes to how Stolas felt about him because he was at this party to essentially drink the heartbreak away for the night. Despite the end of Stolitz being heartbreaking, I think that the party scenes were necessary to the beginning of Blitzās personal growth story-line, and the potential beginning of a better version of the Stolitz we all love.
Anywayā¦ as always this is only the humble opinion of a simple Fizziepop, and Iād love to know what other people think about the annual gathering of his exes to trauma bond over one man. I personally love the way it plays into Stolas and BlitzāsĀ breakup and healing arcsā¦. And also Iām a pisces so I do tend to be a lil dramatic sometimes and live for things and people as dramatic and extra as I tend to be.
#fizziepop thoughts#fizziepop take#vivziepop#helluva boss#helluva boss blitz#fuck blitz party#apology tour#verosika mayday#helluva boss stolas#blitz's exes#fuck cash buckzo#blitz's is healing#blitz's mom#helluva boss fizzarolli#barbie wire
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I have a theory.
This is going to be a long post, but I don't know how to do the "read more" thing, sorry.
Bear with me for a minute. So I realized recently that I don't actually see that much Mabel or Ford hate, it's mostly stuff I hear from other people. (What I see is generally more subtle, like I read a fic that was good, but Ford took responsibility for Filbrick kicking Stan out. What was he supposed to do? He's 17 too! I also saw someone say the apocalypse wasn't Mabel's fault, it was Ford's. I'd just like to say that it was Bill's fault and Ford was manipulated into building that portal.)
But I do see a lot of Billford. It keeps on showing up in my suggested communities and the "For You" thing, despite The Book Of Bill portraying it as a very manipulative, horrifically abusive relationship. (When I say relationship, I don't necessarily mean romantic. It could have been a completely platonic horrifically abusive relationship.) And I have to wonder if, because Bill is a triangle, we let him get away with things we wouldn't if he were a human and/or doing these things directly to Ford.
Say that there was a movie. In it, there are two human men. Their relationship is clearly built on manipulation, and when the manipulated realizes that he's being manipulated, he tries to leave. The manipulator proceeds to torture him. You see this onscreen and it's horrible. The manipulator drives a nail through this guy's hand, shoves spiders down his throat, humiliates him . . .
Would people ship these two characters? This is the main fandom I'm in, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say probably not. (I'd like to say that I don't have a problem with people who write them as together . . . as long as it's portrayed as the abusive relationship it actually WAS and not a good relationship.)
All of those were actual things that happened in The Book of Bill. I didn't even mention the psychological torture (He makes Ford forget his OWN NAME) and forced sleep deprivation.
But Bill is a triangle. Bill isn't doing these things directly to Ford. He's doing them while in Ford's body, which is arguably possibly more horrific than if Bill was a separate person doing these things to him, but it's not something that could happen in real life.
But in this analysis of Ford: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58698496/chapters/158032750 when speaking of the torture Ford endured during Weirdmageddon, Callipraxia mentions that the fact that people can't electrocute others "takes at least some of the realism and therefore some of the horror out of the situation." (I apologize if this quote is incorrect, I couldn't find the part where she says this in this quite long work.)
And that makes me wonder if, again because Bill is a triangle and the things he does are literally impossible, it makes people less inclined to see his relationship with Ford as abusive when I have read two separate analyses (one of them is the one referred to above) that straight up say "This reads like a domestic abuse situation." One of them (the one NOT linked above, I'll look for it later) says that Bill hits every. Single. Criteria. For an abuser.
Even before Ford learned what Bill was really there to do, their relationship wasn't good. Bill doesn't show up for months and when Ford asks him where he's been, Bill responds by basically gaslighting him and making him doubt McGucket.
And there's one more thing I noticed. I wasn't in the GF fandom when the show was airing, but I'm pretty sure Billdip didn't become a popular ship until after Sock Puppet Opera, much the same as Billford wasn't so popular until TBOB. It's a pattern of "Bill abuses someone, then gets shipped with that someone." It's quite disturbing.
I know people are going to ship what they're going to ship, but Bill x Pines family members really shouldn't be so popular imo.
Tl;dr: If Bill were a human and you saw him torturing Ford, would you still ship them?
I'm pretty sure I forgot some of what I was going to say, so I might edit this later or reblog it with the extra information.
I do want to say that I do NOT support being rude, sending hate comments or death threats to people who do ship this. Don't do that. Just wanted to say, just in case.
I also want to say that though I put "anti Billford" and "anti Billdip" in the tags, I'm pretty sure I'm not an anti, though I haven't been able to fully figure out what the term means.
Another addendum: I am NOT qualified to be talking about abuse.
This is just a theory.
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I simply think this fandom doesn't give Wei Wuxian enough credit for the various ways in which he saved Lan Wangji
#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#wangxian#idk man- i just see a lot of āLan Wangji has always been protecting Wei Wuxianā posts and its like...#I mean... Lan Wangji has always certainly been trying to protect Wei Wuxian#it took him a long time to figure how to successfully do that though#rereading the books rn and noticing theres a lot of instances that could be read as lwj being frustrated over his inability to protect wwx#like he seemed ready to cry when wwx went missing for a while and then came back with the cursed leg#lwj has always been great at protecting wwx from physical threats (ex: waterborn abyss) but had no idea how to protect him from himself#meanwhile wwx has always been instictually good at saving lwj from both#like I'm 100% lwj would've become like Jiang Cheng if wwx hadn't snapped him out of the blindly following authority thing#and also like... 15 y/o lwj wasnt happy with his life. he was lonely and stressed and literally signing up to be flogged whenever he goofed#wwx is who allowed lwj to grow up by showing him what it was like to actually be a kid (shown in story whenever lwj gets drunk)#he led lwj to having a more flexible mindset. and it both let lwj relax and set lwj up to be a better parent#looking into lwj's dynamic with the juniors- he lets them break a fuck ton of the petty rules and encourages them to question authority#he also teaches them to not be married to any one meathod of problem solving#wwx is also able to save lwj from his own stubbornness#ex: carrying lwj when he broke his leg. getting lwj to cough up bad blood. getting lwj to keep the rabbits#wwx also tends to give lwj the words he has trouble saying himself. helps him communicate#wwx also protects lwj in fights a lot but thats narratively less important#except the various times wwx puts himself in danger to help lwj. those times are what made it so lwj could never move on from wwx#like with the cave incident#or when wwx helped surpress the arm instead of using the chaos to escape cloud recesses#tldr i guess: i think this fandom tends to treat lwj being the best like its natural to him when really wwx accidentaly rewired his brain#I'm looking directly at fanfic writers who act like the Lans would've treated wwx better than the Jiangs#lwj had to do so much work and self reflection post meeting wwx to be the way he is. he is not the sole product of the Lan teachings
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thinking about todd and his resolve towardā¦ not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with whatās being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesnāt necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story āfrom camp in sixth gradeā, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesnāt voice it until they all have). heās not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, heās just lonely, and heās generally okay with that. he doesnāt have friends and thatās fine, he doesnāt participate in class and thatās fine, he doesnāt have a relationship with his family and thatās fineāhe could live without any real connection and heād have been, more or less, fine.
the thing about when he says āi can take care of myself just fine!ā is that he isnāt really wrong, you can infer that heās been doing it his entire life anyway, itās that ātaking care of yourselfā isnāt the same thing as really living or being happy. toddās an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but heās also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isnāt friendless because heās an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, heās friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neilās unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but arenāt really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)
thereās obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie heās all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. heās already accepted being the family disappointment, and heās already accepted heāll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesnāt like it, but heād have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but heād have managed. heād done it for that long already, anyhow.
#and like obviously itās BAD in the long run and his isolation IS only making his life worse butā¦ genuinely heād have been alright#all things considered#itās super interesting to me how itās neil who starts the domino effect of toddās life becoming Less Shit#both by beliving in him and putting faith in him that heās never seen before and refusing to let him hide away#but it isnāt a savior moment on neilās part#and i find it so odd when people frame it as one#todd is likeā¦ actively irritated at him in that scene š#neil is right that todd needs to get out of his shell and put himself out there and Believe in himself#but todd canāt accept it yet because he canāt see what neil sees in him yet and doesnāt believe it exists at all#and it frustrates him because unlike everyone else neil REFUSES to give up on him#and as far as todds concerned itāll be for nothing#as far as toddās concerned āneil isnāt a savior or a hero in that scene heās an annoyance#a necessary one in the grand scheme of things but an annoyance all the same#i think people forget that just because todd DOES want to break out of his shell (ādonāt you think you could be?ā / āno! iā¦ i donāt know!ā +#ācome on you heard keating donāt you want to *do* something about it?ā / ā*yes* butā¦ā) doesnāt mean he knows how or believes he actually CAN#todds autonomy can be taken away from him a lot (ironic) and he can be twisted into someone with no opinions or thoughts or whims +#outside of neil but that isnāt really the case#and a part of that blame lands on the movie because todd doesnāt get explored a lot but thereās still evidence of him being his own person#heās not a yesman and he tells neil when his ideas are stupid (keeping the audition from his father) or he just doesnāt personally agree +#(the entire ānoā scene) and he functions perfectly well when neil isnāt around and while they arenāt focuses +#there are short scenes where todds alone or scenes that start eith them apart that make it clear they arenāt attatched to each other +#in the way people can often write them to be (that is in the trenches if the other is missing)#this post and all these tags are my long winded way of saying FUCK the codependent anderperry thing some people subscribe to it makes me#mad#neilās goal is to help todd grow into himself and become his own person and find his identity more than anything#and todd doesnāt need neil to hold his hand to do literally anything and everything heās a normal guy with anxiety#come on guys#dps#dead poets society#todd anderson
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"But why would Sonic still be friends with them why wouldnāt he denounce them or treat them like the villains they are? Why won't he realize they're just evil?"
First of all, has it perhaps occured to you that Sonic loves/cares for them no matter what they do and doesn't want to hurt them if he doesn't have to? Has it perhaps occurred to you that he doesn't see them like irredeemable villains and it's not because he's a dumb dumb idiot?
Second of all, haha keep talking and I'm gonna unroll my character analysis essay. "They're just evil" yeah that's rich. Bet you thought the ending of the series was about "redeeming" them too, huh?
#sondread#sonine#sonic prime#sonic the hedgehog#knuckles the dread#nine the fox#I'm gonna be a prime sonic defender forever at this rate#Anyways I channeled the me from between seasons 2 and 3 who was frustrated at seeing the stuff people were saying about my favs#Prime Sonic somehow seems to compel people to start foam at the mouth as they call him stupid and deride him for being hopeful and seeing#the good and people#and then somehow the people who are willing to be okay about Prime Sonic's tendency to try to save everyone and towards self sacrifice#can only believe it as long as sonic stupidly and naively believes his beloved friends are good people as these 'friends' so skillfully#manipulate him#Then when Sonic sees them at their worst canonically those people start foaming at the mouth when he doesn't instantly denounce or try to#imprison/kill these characters#It makes me less frustrated when it comes to Dread because I can get what people are seeing and unfortunately whatever talk transpired#between Sonic leaving the yoke in s3 and everyone else coming to fight Nine happened offscreen#You do have to dig at least slightly beyond surface level interpretation to get the reading that Dread is more than just an evil guy who was#pretending to not be#(although I would have thought how he originally tried to save his crew from experiencing him at his worst by keeping himself away from his#obsession would mean something but I digress)#With Nine to believe that he's always just been evil and manipulative to Sonic so he could backstab him you quite literally have to ignore#everything we see across the whole series and the feelings that come through in the final episodes of seasons 2 and 3#and ONLY believe that what Renegade and Shadow say about Nine (and the chaos council in s3) is canon#And yes I do think that if you thought S3 was about redeeming certain characters so the ending could be happy go lucky then you are missing#the point of what Sonic Prime tried to say and of Sonicās own philosophy#I daresay you missed the point of some of these characters as well if you think their arcs are about how they end with them redeeming#themselves so they can become good people and therefore deserve life and a home#fandom wank#i just be ramblin
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You know what? I'm not done.
The fact y'all white mogais fought tooth and nail to not have to put white in your bios or somewhere readily available was actually insane and confirms my already existing theory that some of you think once you have a certain amount of kins, f/os, irls, mental illnesses, xenogenders, orientation modifiers, alters and neopronouns, you lose white privilege and it absolutely shows that you do not lose that privilege exclusively because y'all have become pretty consistent white saviors lmao
Like y'all literally cried about it being too identifiable about you and being the same as doxxing like you weren't already sharing with everyone the exact percentages of your orientation attraction, age, state you live in, public name, like... I have to wonder hard how many of y'all participate in anti-racism activism to be an ally, actually understand why certain things are actually racist and help POC and how many of you exclusively do it to look better to other (white) activists and ease your white guilt.
Now y'all aren't even including byi/stance pages on top of a total lack of dni and wonder why radqueer beliefs are seeping in and every new term is basically transabled under a different name. I called it when I first saw this new batch pop up and I'm saying it now, they have their radqueer blogs with their radqueer content that you have blocked and they have their other blog named something like prxncxss-of-nxght or something with $50 worth of custom lazy caard graphic edits with needy streamer girl and 17 titles but no public stances for all their normal xenogender content. You didn't fight it so there they are. They ain't saying shit. Hell, no one said shit when ra/diomo/gai litterally reblogged a word for word transabled term. "Internal self" you realize that's just flowery language right? Like the creator themselves already said that it applied "to the soul and not the physical form". Please read a room. "#disability"? Are you actually fucking kidding me? No one batted an eye?
I don't think the community is dead because I don't follow a lot of big names anymore or because a lot of big names have deactivated, y'all just stopped caring and moved on despite all these beliefs you said you cared about. I don't really care, I've pretty much known from day one that a majority of the community is literally just full of shit about all these 8 paragraph basic feminism posts and vents crying about racism from fully white people.
I'm not someone to rip someone apart publicly for being what they say they are, then there's no need, but lieing about it? Damn, at least be shitty honestly.
Don't harass me, the creator of that term or ra/diom/og/ai over this. Just block and move on, I'm not having some public drama back and forth over a clearly transabled term.
#clover speaks#no one said a word#no call out no notes calling it what it is coiner is a literal radqueer#like yall dont care and even though i knew it im just glad i dont have to pretend to believe ur activism claims anymore#you wonder where i went i went back to my art back to things that make me happy#this community may be less trigger happy but now they are snuggling up to radqueers just like i predicted#i knew it was gonna happen and i knew the community would just keep going and its why i hooped off this train years ago#despite yalls claims of being critical inclusionists and wanting to educate instead of hate ive seen this all happen before#the inclusionist vs exclusionist saga didnt die because one side beat the other#a fuck ton of inclusionists became map supporters over night and all the exclusionists just lost interest and moved on#this is what will continue to happen to every movement the ultra progressives on this site create until you grow a backbone#yall are so scared of invalidating someone who is genuinely harmful that youve become the thing you claimed you hate#ive clocked multiple terms that were ableist or interphobic but because yall never make any effort to actually listen to us#you've allowed radqueers to basically indoctrinate you while the rest of us watch you zombie shuffle onwards#youve liberalpilled inclusionmaxxed ur way into the fucking sun#im not coming with yall yall have fun but im not going to smile to ur face and pretend you even remotely have disabled and intersex peoples#best interests at heart#the community has always been ableist#the community has always been racist#the community has always been interphobic#it wont change until any of you can accept that just cause you feel some way in passing dosent mean its a valid identity#even if its not in passing its still not inherently morally neutral#I'll keep being me but like literal transabled terminology is seeping in and its hitting the worst of us first but yall have never listened#so not shocking nor surprising that no one caught this and thus did not say shit#yall love to scream that your moderate personality disorder is the same as my severe autism and subsequent mental disability are the same#every july but you sure dont give a single shit when someone pretends to have our condition and makes up a word and throws some pantones on#a png and calls it valid#grow a backbone or continue being the laughing stock of the disability community i aint helping either way
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you know what Iāve realized lately? thatās really helped? the axiom: it just doesnāt really make that much of a difference. Or at least it doesnāt when youāre talking about good things and not, like, doing good vs. doing evil. Big choices, little choices, decisions, decisions āitās not just that they donāt matter in the grand scheme of thingsābecause they do! ābut just. It wonāt make that big of a difference. Life will continue to be wonderful AND difficult, fascinating AND hopelessly mundane, full of roses AND thorns and all the other cliches whether you walk down one road or another. And youāll get used to the joys and sick of the sorrows whatever they are, and youāll be ungrateful and bored and dissatisfied in some measure some of the time and youāll have to work on all the things you have to work on anyways and just. Yeah! It doesnāt make that big of a difference! Even the biggest things!
#as Maria once said to me iconically: marry the guy donāt marry the guy#life is hard and it sucks and itās also great and little treats exist#and we have to practice patience and virtue and penance regardless of any other circumstances#and God loves us no matter the path we take#like I just. I am reflecting#you know what also made this click for me recently? the limits that can be reached with doing little things to improve your life#like YES. I need to get some exercise and eat some food that is not totally terrible for me and clean my space#but you know the fuck WHAT#(Iām so sorry for swearing)#it doesnāt !!! actually !!!!! dramatically alter my life if I do one thing or another or in a certain order#I could become a fanatical hiker (for some reason I have been seized by the vision of this lately)#and itās just like. well. yes you could. and you know what it would keep raining sometimes and my anxiety would still exist#and people would still be irritating and laughter would still be real!#anyway I donāt mean to be dismissive over the ways choices can deeply affect our lives#but when the choices are good and the options are good it just doesnāt matter that much#I also realized this with makeup lol. like I reached the point where I was like I could spend more time and effort and money#to achieve a higher level quality of appearance and literally for WHAT#people would still not pay attention to me in the grocery store (lol)#and they donāt need to!!!!! and itās fine they donāt!!!!!!!#but I just. that voice in my head thatās like if you do X you will experience happiness you have never known#and things will all work out and everyone will be in love you#to that voice I say: well no.#wow this is long but you know what I mean????? it all just sort of matters less in the sense that nothing WE do is going to really#change our lives? I know thatās insane#because people are so insistent that the opposite is true. but like. actually no the most life changing opportunities usually happen#without our control or our scheming or our planning#so of the stuff within our control itās not that big of a deal!! do good avoid evil enjoy your lunch call your mom!!! but thatās all gonna#keep being the same on the other side of so many many different choices we can make#so yeah
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also a warning if you think abt it
#thinking bc........this 'i cant control it' doesnt refer to the magic siphoning literally#but it does refer to like.......i guess powerhunger less literally#which at this moment of death threat turns literal#but i wonder if it might not have? like if it mightve needed this trigger to become literal#bc her crimes listed are stealing knowledge and dark magic + violating secrecy in the script#mostly it just seems she was curious and read forbidden books. went to ask people outside the coven maybe when the coven wouldnt give her#what she needed or wanted to know#kind of like mathilda fggjkfhkjg like from roald dahl#she doesnt need to stick to rules if those rules keep knowledge behind locks. thats what shes saying right?#'if i can learn it i have a right to it' maybe. 'they bend to my power'#'if im good enough to DO the dark magic then im allowed to'#or maybe maybe even more than that it's 'if im good enough to do the dark magic then it's gonna happen whether i mean to do it or not'#anyway. yeah. a warning really. even if neither her nor the other witches realised yet how much#she couldve been good if you taught her to control it probably#i want a show abt her entire life#3 seasons for 3 centuries. 10 episodes per century. or 20 if im wishing for impossible things anyway
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man I wanna get in fh related fandom discourse but in like a quiet way where we all go around and directly share notes with one another. maybe a power point presentation is involved
#^ this is literally just. a debate. or a discussion. There are words for this#Ive noticed there are more or less like. Three distinct stances on fh people take depending on who they gaf about#I dont want to start Real Petty Discourse is the issue I just want to have a conversationā¦ I want it so dearlyā¦#I see fh fans get mad about toxic!fh takes and state that its wildly inaccurate. and I feel the need to argue but then its like well#I take a step back and go okay I see where theyre coming from actually. because a lot of toxic!fh takes are made with like.#only sad jimmy angst in mind. and so scott becomes the villain for those fics and I look at them and go. he would not fucking say that#BUT THEN ALSOOO I get where THATS coming from too because heās very mean to jimmy in DL so when people want to write their sad jimmy fics#of course thatās where theyāre going to go. because something is off about traffic!FH its true#so rancher shippers and such see that and go oh okay and run with it#Its just. Very interesting all around?#deranged.fh.posting#idk if anyone gets what im talking about. I look at the fh tag pretty often and used to be pretty into rancher fics myself soā#My conclusions are based on that#bree barks so fucking loud
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siiigh . . .
#ą¼ milena zip#cw vent#mooties . . . iām verie sorrie youāre gonna see dis . ą«® ā ļ» ā į huhu . .#iām so tired . . . huhu#ą«® ā ļ» ā į iām gonna sob. i hate dis so much ą«® ā ļ» ā į#i hate how one of my friends unfollowed me :<#like she was saying how iām too negative ? ? when she literally talked crap about my two other friends . . .#how are you going to say that but also do the same . . . itās so . . sad :<#this is so tiring . . . iām gettinā so fed up w/ all of dis . .#ām tryinā so hard to distract myself w/ my interests . . . and going on tumblr more#but it hurts so bad knowing she chose someone i despised for years instead of me :<#i even told her some of my concerns and feelings . . . it didnāt mean anything to her#this is why i prefer making friends online. sniffsniff#<< ās less stressful & i can handle being hurt . . but irl ? ? i canāt.#i shouldāve known that makinā friends and keepinā friendships is as hard as anything else . . .#iām just glad i graduated . . & i donāt have to see her but it stills hurts a lot to see her become so cold . . . ą«® ā ļ» ā į#sigh. oh well . . sniffsniff ą«® ā ļ» ā į#she wasted an entire friendship all because of somethinā SHE was doinā . . . she confuses me. ą«® ā ļ» ā į
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back home . this weekend was driving 12 hrs to redacted, getting ready in a rush in full langa voni (half sari) jewelry bangles etc in the hotel (probably took us 2 hrs bc hello), attending my cousins engagement party from 6-11, getting back changing repacking going to bed at 1am, waking up at 7 getting ready and driving 12 hrs back
#š·š®āšØš®āšØš®āšØš®āšØ#we couldve flown thats for sure but idk if it wouldve been any less hassle#the actual event itself didnt have as much drama as i thought it might#theres a lot of history w this uncle (father of my engaged cousin)#cant get into it now but i hate that man#funny thing is the ppl (my family) are saying hes regretting stuff hes done in the past as hes getting older#namely how he treated my mom and aunt (his sisters)#im not qualified to say whether its real or not bc i dont know him in any real way nor do i want to lmao#anywayy i was kinda surprised my cousin has as much sentiment for me as she does#i mean we are 8 days apart in age and spent a lot of time together as kids when my mom and i first moved to the us#cuz my uncle helped us out a lot (also exploited my mom a lot so)#but then he cut contact for 10 yrs so i didnt see my cousin again til i was in hs and we worked at the same place#i literally walked in one day and i was like is that ??#wild#and now again we havent seen each other since hs until yesterday like.#anyway its cute and im gonna get coffee/drinks w her when im in nyc#mostly cuz im curious to see who shes become as a person :)#i suppose i did get into it lol
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