#i literally kept debating whether or not he had actual animation or if he was just a still image in a truck so i went through my beautiful

[suddenly-stickmin]

Had to fact check myself and CLEMENT ACTUALLY BLINKKSSSSS HE HAS A FRAME OF ANIMATIONNNNN

[rubynationwins]

When Words Fail

Bucky Barnes x Reader One Shot

Summary: Who said running away from your problems couldn’t solve them? Well, Bucky sure didn’t seem to appreciate it.

Warnings: Fluff, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Light Smut, 18+ Minors go away plz

Word Count: 5,585

My Masterlist

A/N-This is actually a repost of a fic I wrote in...2018? yeah, that’s insane. Anyway, I’m trying to get back into writing so I wanted to put together a masterlist but I couldn’t find this fic anywhere! No clue why lol. Luckily, I had it saved somewhere else. I reread it but didn’t do much editing which means this is still 2018-Nation’s writing so take it or leave it ig 😉

Thanks for reading!

-Ruby

Landing the job as Steve Rogers’-Captain America himself-assistant was the best thing to ever happen to you. Sure, you couldn’t tell anyone the details of your job...actually you couldn’t tell anyone anything about your job, not even where you work. Even your parents think you’re a secretary at a law firm. While it is technically true helping “justice” thrive is the main component of what you do, the person you work for just happens to literally be the picture that shows up next to said word in the dictionary-which Tony and Clint had a hay day trolling Cap about. Tony was already designing prototypes of merch to market globally before Pepper got wind of his scheme and put a stop to the nonsense. You still have one of the earlier designed shirts though, which you will treasure forever and never tell Steve you have it.

Other than the secrecy (and occasional explosion in the lab) this job has been a life saver. You had met Natasha at a local animal shelter you were volunteering and you both hit it off right away. She became a close friend and when Tony decided that Steve needed someone who understood technology and could shoulder some of Cap’s less harrowing responsibilities, Nat recommended you. Whether or not you met all of the qualifications at the time is up for debate but something tells you that Natasha might have been...persuasive. In no time you were part of the team, well, not the actual Avengers team-you had the agility and balance of a newborn foal. Nonetheless, that didn’t mean they treated you any differently, they were basically family at this point. 

Most of your job was scheduling Steve’s meetings and making sure his week went smoothly in terms of the day-to-day itinerary. Another, separate, part of your job was following the super soldier around and making sure he had everything he needed; especially helping him deal with the ever-increasing Stark tech throughout the tower. Tony didn’t seem to understand that if he kept modifying and changing the coffee machine and every other damn appliance in the building Steve was never going to be able to make himself a cup of coffee without destroying the whole kitchen. Thus, you had to be on electronics duty if Steve ever needed assistance. 

Because of all the hands-on work you did, and the constant necessity for smooth communication, you were almost always hovering near the Captain, which neither of you minded. It was part of being an assistant, and most of the time you worked on your tablet, and when there was a null in work you enjoyed conversing with any nearby members of the team. All in all, a pretty sweet gig for someone who always needed to be doing something, like you.

The only problem with your around-the-clock surveillance of the blonde-haired hero was that where Steve was, inevitably his newly found, brainwashed until a few months ago, best pal, James Buchanan Barnes; “Bucky”. It has been some time since Steve brought his wartime partner to join the team in the compound. Since then Bucky’s involvement with the team and the modern world, in general, has progressed astronomically. He used to be standoffish and only interacted with Steve on the rare occasion Bucky would leave his room. It had taken two months of the team supporting Cap and trying to include his war-torn friend by helping them both adjust until he so much as sat at the dinner table with the group for weekly “family night” as Tony put it. It had taken even longer for Bucky to start having actual conversations with everyone, though.

Since you and Steve were constantly in proximity with each other you found yourself hanging around Bucky as much as he did. Whenever Cap persuaded Bucky to join him in the gym or watch a simple movie you were there too. Of course, you and Steve had a close work relationship. After Nat, he was one of your closest friends. He was easy to talk to and you felt like no one listened to you vent, as well as dole out sound advice to your problems without diminishing them as good ol’ Captain America did. Steve never made you feel unimportant or like just another laky when you worked for him, he treated you with respect and even though you kept up professional appearances around him during work hours your relationship was never awkward. If Steve and Bucky were watching a show together Steve always offered you to join them and wanted to hear your opinions. Sam sometimes teased him about mixing work and personal life but the big lug was a casual guy when he wasn’t on a mission; he didn’t want some unknown person hovering over him all the time. You would normally join if you didn’t have other work to finish.

This exact teen is what caused you to oftentimes be the third wheel whenever Steve and Bucky hung out. He had actually warmed up to you a bit faster than the rest of the crew, due to you constantly surrounding Steve. You didn’t mind, at the time Bucky seemed like a kicked puppy and you just wanted to help Steve get his best friend back. At first, Bucky had been wary of your constant presence, but eventually, he adapted and actually started making small talk with you. The relief that filled Steve’s face every time Bucky came out of his room with no outside prompt or asked you a simple question was enough for you to start focusing some attention on Barnes. After all, it was your job to keep Steve’s life well maintained and happy, and Bucky being happy and social was a large part of relieving Steve’s stress. You knew Steve felt guilty for the torture Bucky went through, so you decided when you had off time that you would assist in Bucky’s transition into society. 

You started off slow; beginning easy conversations about mundane topics or showing Bucky a cute cat video anytime you spotted the super soldier had crept out of his room; anything to get him to trust you more. Once that trust was finally established you started actually going to his room with the intention of getting him out of it. You’ll never forget the first time you knocked on his door and saw the shocked expression on his face when he opened it and didn’t see the dorito-like, masculine form he was expecting. There were ups and downs, times when he would immediately slam the door in your face or have a run-in with a particular jarring piece of information and wouldn’t leave his room for days. It took time, but with the combination of Steve pushing him from the past and you pulling him into the future, Bucky started sulking less and smiling and joining you more and more. Your main goal had been to help both Steve get his friend back and help Bucky get his life back. What you hadn’t expected were the feelings you developed for your dorky friend.

Around the time it finally seemed like Bucky was ninety percent comfortable with being a part of society is when you began noticing things about the shaggy-haired man. Like how he ran his hands through his hair when he was desperately trying to understand how the internet worked. Or how he would only give a smile that shows teeth when he thoroughly enjoyed something or felt completely at ease with his friends. Or how he could stare mesmerized by the simplest of things and not get bored. Or how his face would light up in pride when he got you or Steve to laugh at a movie he had picked out himself. Or, especially, how his gym shorts hugged his muscular thighs and thick ass, and the sinful faces he made when concentrating on lifting a strenuous amount of weight. All these things you were noticing were not normal friends things-you didn’t give two shits about how you looked when periodically helping Tony and Bruce in the lab or when spotting Sam and Nat in the gym. But as soon as Bucky walks in the room you have a panic attack trying to remember whether or not you applied mascara that day. 

This was a problem on numerous levels. One; Bucky was constantly around Steve, which in turn meant he was always around you, being a huge distraction. Two; even when Bucky wasn’t directly next to you he was taking up space in your head, being a huge distraction. Three; it was impossible to concentrate on assigning jets to hangers and all your other pressing tasks because BUCKY WAS A HUGE FUCKING DISTRACTION. The culprit in question did nothing to help the situation. His athletic choice of attire; tanks and T-shirts made of elastic fabric and gym shorts and joggers that made it obvious if it was laundry day… Not just his clothing, but whereas Bucky used to maintain a safe distance from you and the others it was soon revealed that Bucky likes to touch. It made you somewhat sad knowing the only kind of physical contact he got for years was pure torture and you knew he had come a long way since then. It was pretty obvious Bucky was touch deprived-as soon as he was comfortable being close again he was close. There was no simply standing or sitting next to Bucky. Either his legs were slung across your lap or his hand thoughtlessly played with the strands of your hair or he pulled you close so he could just feel your presence next to him.

Normally, you had no objection to platonic touches and friendly hugs from your friends but your heart leaped out of your chest when he so much as side hugged you. You knew there was nothing behind Bucky’s touches, he was honestly like that with everyone he considered a friend. Bucky had no secret intentions whatsoever, especially not for you. You were an assistant, not some hot superhero spy-like Nat or Wanda; it wasn’t difficult to see the difference between you and all your Avengers teammates-including Bucky. Knowing that still didn’t make it any easier for you when he cuddled up next to you on the couch for a Parks and Rec marathon. It was getting to the point where you were almost scared to talk to him for fear he would catch on to your feelings. The last thing you wanted was to make him feel pressured or awkward when shooting you down, so you eliminated that possibility. For your sake and his, you decided to cease any alone time with Bucky, it’s not like he’d notice anyway. 

Instead of your designated spot on his right during “family movie night,” you squeezed between Natasha and Vision. Bucky had sent you a questioning glance but he didn’t make a move to protest; you didn’t let yourself dwell on that, this was what you wanted, after all-separation. Next, you started making use of your designated office space instead of always trailing Steve. You gave him a bullshit excuse about a bad knee and told him if he needed you, to either video chat or direct message you. Initially, you expected that would do it, that Bucky wouldn’t check on your absence or even notice your negligence much; but you were so wrong.

For some reason, ever since you stopped hovering around Steve, Bucky had been running into you non-stop. At first, you thought it was just a cruel coincidence that around every corner was a massive roadblock in the form of Bucky Barnes. Fate seems to have a sick sense of humor, that or she just really appreciates irony. Bucky’s face would light up and he would wrap you in a warm hug, telling you about his newest 21st century discovery(which was currently frozen yogurt). Not wanting to backtrack on your ‘quitting Bucky cold turkey’ method, you would stumble over an excuse and scurry away from his confused expression. But you knew it was for the best that the two of you drift apart. How was he supposed to integrate himself into society fully if he was stuck with you as some sort of pity crutch?

Your odd behavior only seemed to spur on Bucky’s mindset of getting you to make time for him. He was constantly asking you for help with things, knowing that you were too kind-hearted to deny helping him. However, if he couldn’t corner you, he couldn’t insist you help him color code his closet(which was an oxymoron because he only ever wore black) or whatever else he needed assistance with, so you kept your eyes peeled for his brown hair and shiny arm at all times. Whenever you spotted him or heard his heavy steps echo down the corridor, you quickly veered away from his line of sight and scuttled off to do something else. 

It was a slight inconvenience, especially when almost every time you wanted to eat he was just chilling in the kitchen or connected common areas, so it was like you were on some kind of forced diet too. The biggest problem, still, with your Monty Python-inspired “run away!” strategy was that Bucky gave chase most of the time. He would catch sight of you or your retreating silhouette, and shout out for you, dropping whatever he was doing to follow you. As childish as you felt, you refused to stop walking and face him like a mature adult. Those times you felt Bucky encroaching on your hideaway, you shouted some bullshit excuse his way and ducked into an elevator or room to basically hide from his searching gaze. Even though it has only been one week since you officially started this little game of cat and mouse, you were honestly dead tired and all you wanted was for Bucky to give up and move on. 

At the moment you were rummaging through the refrigerator in the shared kitchen at 3 in the morning because your empty stomach was keeping you awake. Risking being caught by any of your team members who were hopefully all sound asleep, you crept to the kitchen. You had managed to scrounge up some leftover pizza, choosing to ignore the very obvious sticky note on the box with Sam’s name on it. Feeling somewhat guilty you mentally promised to buy Sam a replacement the next time you went out… maybe he wouldn’t even notice a couple of pieces missing. 

Just as you pulled out the container a deep voice that hadn’t been clearly directed at you in more than a week cut through the silence of the night.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Sam made it pretty clear if anyone touched his Domino's he would strap them to Redwing and set them on a course for Asgard,” While the words had his trademark Bucky cheekiness, his tense stance and hooded eyes were anything but joking. You stammered for an answer; normally you would bite back a sarcastic remark but you felt like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

“B-Bucky! You’re awake!?” You shoved the forgotten box of pizza back into the fridge, slamming it shut. The kitchen island in front of you put a good six feet between the two of you, but that did nothing to slow your beating heart or diminish the sudden tension in the air. In a desperate attempt to act nonchalant you took a slow sip from the plastic water bottle you were tightly holding, but you knew Bucky saw straight through you. 

————

Bucky, on the other hand, was trying to calculate his next actions. He couldn’t sleep because he couldn’t stop mauling over how you had been acting this past week. It wasn’t hard to tell you had been avoiding him. The moment Steve walked into the training center without you at his heels, tablet in hand and ready for a day’s work, Bucky knew something was off. His first thought was that you were sick, but when he questioned his friend, Steve revealed that you’d requested to work from your office from now on. Bucky had obviously been surprised at that. On more than one occasion you had been very vocal about how you preferred to be on your feet and work hands-on.

He had brushed it off, assuming that your knee was actually bothering you. Of course, he was worried about you, after all, you were important to him. Next to Steve, you were his closest friend. There were times when he felt guilty burdening Steve with more of his problems, so he confided in you. You didn’t make Bucky feel like he owes you anything; for some unfathomable reason, you seemed to like him with no strings attached. The first time you had looked him directly in the eyes and tried to start a conversation Bucky had been flabbergasted. Why would someone so perfect ever associate themself with someone as fucked up like him? As much as Bucky attempted to drive you away, you refused to let him stew in his own confusion and grief. You helped bring him out of his sulky and constant darkness with your toothy grins, obnoxious laughter, smart-ass quips, and incessant affirmation that you didn’t care who he was in the past, you just knew that you liked him now and that was all there was to it. Bucky knew not to argue with you, so he just accepted his fate.

You were the one who first helped him believe that even though he may not believe he deserves a future, there were people who loved him just because they saw the potential for good in him, not just what they remember him being in the past. That sentiment has always stuck with him, and he credits you for all the new activities, shows, and hobbies he has come to love. Bucky had never told you that, but that didn’t stop him from showing his affection in different ways; including finding your office and cheering you up over your injured knee. Bucky tried doing just that, but for some reason every time he saw you it seemed like you were busy. 

It didn’t take too long for him to catch on to the fact that you were avoiding him on purpose for some unknown reason. In the past when Steve or his other buddies had acted grumpy at/around Bucky for whatever reason, he would kick it out of their asses. Something told Bucky doing that to you would be a bad idea, even though you in particular ignoring him struck a nerve. That nerve kept being struck every time you would spot him, he would move to confront you, and you scuttled away from him; which happened too many times for him to count. He had racked his brain for what he could have possibly done to scare you off so completely, and even asked Steve if you had mentioned anything to him. Bucky’s star-spangled friend had been just as lost as he was, sharing that you had been somewhat distant lately. His troubled thoughts about what he did to anger you kept him awake at night. He knew it had to be something, and he needed to talk to you about it. So when he went to the kitchen for some water he was at the same time relieved and upset to see you scrummaging through the refrigerator. Neither of you was leaving the space until you spilled why you had been avoiding him.

The look plastered on your face wasn’t one of fear or apprehension like Bucky was expecting; it was guilt. He hadn’t wanted to believe it, but that look confirmed you had been ignoring him on purpose. There were a thousand thoughts and emotions running through his head; confusion, hurt, sadness, jealousy(which was unexpected), but he focused on the one emotion he most understood-anger. 

-————

“B-Bucky! You’re awake!?” 

“Couldn’t sleep, you know how it is, doll,” he tried to mask his inner turmoil, sauntering over to the cabinet to pull out a glass. 

“Y-yeah, me too,” you attempted to redeem yourself and not draw any more attention to your heightened pulse. “Well, I got what I came for. I should head back to my room, have a bunch of scheduling to do tomorrow…” As you rambled you moved to maneuver around Bucky, but his bulky body blocked your exit.

“But you didn’t eat anything. I haven’t seen you around for meals much lately, must be a lot busier in your office,” Pure malice dripped from his tone, and he reached beside you and pulled open the fridge door. “I’m sure you’re starving; me too. Let me find us something to eat.”

By the look Bucky was giving you his seemingly innocent words were not just a suggestion. Your best bet would be to quickly and silently eat something, then escape back to your room. You still attempted to silently tiptoe around the super soldier, who was rummaging through the empty containers of leftovers and gross, gooey experiments of Tony’s. Just as you were at the edge of the kitchen island Bucky’s metal arm shot out and tugged on the end of your sleep shirt. Freezing in fear and(mainly) guilt, you meekly peeked at his glowering face. Before you could even open your mouth to stumble through an excuse, you were jerked to the counter next to the fridge by your shirt.

Bucky’s domineering form loomed over you, his metal hand bunched in the soft material of your sleep shirt, his other arm resting on the countertop, caging any escape routes. He leaned over you, pressing his forehead to your shoulder, his eyes squeezed shut in thought. You were paralyzed; his sudden actions had surprised you, not to mention this intimate proximity was causing your heart to leap out of your chest. At first, you had been slightly terrified, not of Bucky, you knew he would never do anything to hurt you, no you were terrified he was going to reveal that he knew about your feelings all along and shoot you down. But now, you were confused as to why he was touching you like he was, his back heaving slowly up and down with each of his strangled breaths. 

“B-Bucky?” You murmured, starting to worry for him. At the sound of your voice he slowly pulled away, not so much that his chest wasn’t pressed still against you, but enough so that you could see the tears threatening to pour over the brim of his bloodshot eyes.

“Y/N...Y/N I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Whatever I did to make you mad...or, or scared, I’m sorry. Please forgive me,” He had never looked so much like a kicked puppy instead of an infamous and feared assassin. It was at that moment you realized what your actions this past week had done to your friend. You can’t believe how selfish you had been; to be so cruel and dismissive of Bucky, someone who has already lost so much. All because you were too afraid to confess some stupid ass crush you had on him. If you truly loved him you wouldn’t have put him through so much pain. That sudden realization, how you had made Bucky suffer to the point of apologizing for no reason, prompted a stream of tears to cascade from your own watering eyes. 

The onslaught of tears caused Bucky to panic and assume he had done something wrong. He pulled away from you, stuttering a rapid apology. You quickly reached out to his retreating hands and simply pulled him back into your embrace, this time tightly hugging the large man.

“No, no you did nothing wrong, Bucky. I was the stupid and selfish one; I can’t believe I hurt you so much. I’m so fucking sorry Buck,” You gasped out an apology, squeezing him in your arms, “There’s no excuse for how I’ve treated you this week, but I was just so scared you would leave me if I told you how I felt. Being the fucking idiot I am, I didn’t comprehend that I was actually abandoning you. God, Buck, you have been such an amazing friend who deserves nothing but love and kindness…Not an asshole like me, I didn’t deserve you then, and I sure as hell don’t deserve you now.” 

You unclasped your arms, shying away from his figure. Wiping away dried tears, you turned away from him, trying to hide your red face. Bucky was unmoving, still pressed against you. He reached down and tilted your head up to his inquisitive face, “What do you mean, ‘how you felt’?” You grimaced, glancing away, but Bucky gently cupped your face, languidly stroking your cheek with his calloused thumb. The comforting touch calmed your inner turmoil and you looked back up at Bucky to find his own blue orbs searching yours. 

Nuzzling into the warmth of his palm you let out a content sigh, “Ok, you deserve the truth, but please, don’t take what I’m about to say as a reason for our friendship to change. This week apart has proved that neither of us benefits from avoidance.” You gulped, your throat had suddenly gone dry, “Bucky, I will always love you, but lately when I’m around you my heart won’t stop beating and I feel light headed-Heh, the way I’m describing it sounds like you make me sick,” You tried teasing, delaying the inevitable, “What I’m trying to say is that I don’t just love you as a friend, I like you as a crush.” 

Bucky sucked in a sharp breath and you could see the gears turning in his head, “Shit, doll...You already know I love you too, and yeah, avoiding each other is not an option anymore. But I think we’re gonna have to change now.” Your posture sagged at his discouraging words, you had really been hopeful the two of you could go back to how it was before, being wonderful friends. 

“Oh, oh okay. Um, yeah. Yeah, I understand, it would be too awkward I guess. It’s okay, I can talk to Steve about continuing work in my office-” Your shaking words were cut off by Bucky leaning down and sealing your lips with his. Large hands, one cool and smooth, the other warm and rough, pressed against the sides of your face; pulling you deeper into the kiss. Taking pity on your lack of air Bucky released your lips, resting his forehead against yours, out of breath himself. You could just barely make out the outline of his smug grin in the dim kitchen lighting.

A soft snort/chuckle broke through Bucky’s pants, “Y/N, doll; you are a fucking idiot. I was about to finish my sentence before you so rudely interrupted me,” He brushed a hand through your hair, affectionately tucking a stray hair behind your ear, “What I was going to explain is that obviously, we can’t keep things the way they were before-now that I know you feel the same way I have since I met you.” He pressed a gentle closed-mouth kiss to your lips; his tight-lipped smirk causing your own mouth to creep up into a smile. 

Pulling your tightly clenched fists from your sides you slid them up to his shoulders, your hands pulling him even closer to you. His words washed through you, removing your previous hesitancy and allowing you to finally act how you’ve craved to for the past couple of months. You ran a hand through Bucky’s newly trimmed locks, playfully tugging at the fluffy, brown mop of hair. A rueful look was plastered on his chiseled features when he pulled away from your chaste kisses. 

“Ooooo-doll you know how I feel about you touching my hair,” his serious tone was juxtaposed by the goofy ear-to-ear grin he was sporting. Bucky reached to take the hand you had in his hair away; intertwining it with his own.

“I remember you had always enjoyed me running my hands through it, but after that time Sam pointed out you had popped a boner, you kept all of my appendages away from your scalp,” you teased, reminiscing about that embarrassing but spank bank worthy interaction. Bucky had been so flustered and embarrassed that the only excuse he had been able to come up with was a resounding, “N-No, it’s from...from the tv show... Sorry, Y/N. I’m leaving now.” Sam had already been dying with laughter and when you glanced at the tv to confirm you were still watching Antiques Road Show, you joined in his giggle fit. Bucky never let you touch his scruffy head of hair ever again, and it took quite a few days after the incident for him to look you in the eyes again. 

Knowing Bucky’s previous unexpected and involuntary reaction to your massage, you were still shocked by his next statement, “Yes, Y/N, I do remember, and it still applies. It makes me want to turn you around and fuck you against this kitchen counter.” You gawked at his blatant words, both aroused and surprised that the normally mellow and white bread Bucky had a fucking hair-pulling kink. The lord must have been smiling down on you.

The only reply you could think of fast enough was, “Woah there big guy, you haven’t even said you love me and now you're jumping the gun to fucking? Seems short-sighted.” Fuck. You weren’t trying to come off as desperate or send mixed signals but all these emotions running through you were too much to comprehend. Bucky looked slightly taken aback at your brazen tone; he floundered for a comeback, his face adorably scrunching in concentration. 

He rocked back on his heels, glancing up to the ceiling as if the answer he was looking for was written up there, “Dammit...Sorry, sweetheart; honestly it was an involuntary response. After all this time avoiding me, your touch is driving me wild. Especially since I’ve been dreaming about you touching me like this; dragging your fingers through my hair, kissing me and all that, for so long. Now that you’re actually doing it, it’s almost unthinkable. But you’re right, I want to do this right. I want us to go steady and I am going to spoil the shit out of you as well as drive you crazy because that’s what couples do. I am going to do everything to show you how much I fucking love you, because I’m an ass when it comes to speaking about my feelings, obviously. Still, even when words fail, never doubt that I love you, Y/N.” Bucky shyly looked back down at you, a new sparkle of hopefulness in his eyes. It took all your willpower not to burst out into tears.

Your voice quivered with emotion, “Oh my god Buck; you are so full of shit!” Bucky’s face contorted in puzzlement at your sudden outburst. You playfully punched his shoulder, grinning like the Cheshire Cat, “James Buchanan Barnes, how dare you lie to me and go on some long ass rant about being a terrible speaker! That was the most profound, beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. I can’t believe you overshadowed my confession, you dick! Now no matter how often I tell you I love you, it won’t even compare to that Shakespeare level of wooing.” 

Bucky was now also laughing and smiling at your boisterous exclamation, his shoulders shaking with his fit of giggles, “Shut up, I’m serious you bastard! And by the way, we’ve been friends for however long, we’ve basically gotten the dating part handled; tell me more about what you would like to do to me on this counter…” You slyly tacked on your true desire, hoping Bucky would catch on to your not-so-subtle hint.

Immediately understanding your innuendo Bucky ceased his laughing, eyes darkening as he looked you up and down. He slid a warm hand across your hip, his close body radiated heat. As he planted languorous kisses along your jaw and neck, you remembered his reaction to the last time you touched his hair. Instead of gently brushing your hands through his dark brown locks like last time, you took tufts of his soft hair in your clutches and tugged, slightly yanking his head back so he could see your shit-eating grin. 

Bucky’s eyes almost turned black as his pupils dilated. A growl rumbled in his chest and he swiftly picked you up by your waist and set you on the counter, clicking his tongue in warning, “Doll, you are gonna fucking get it. I’ve been waiting for this for too long-you ready?” You gasped out a yes, starting to pull your hands out of his hair; Bucky nipped at your earlobe he had been murmuring into. You jumped at the stinging sensation, “Don’t move those hands, sweetheart, you started this; you’re gonna finish it.” He sucked at the spot he had bitten before, continuing his assault on your upper body. Oh god, you weren’t sure if you had prepared yourself for what you were about to go through, but you sure as hell didn’t regret it.

[basilly]

step 6: no hand to hold because you messed up, big time

previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter

↬ pairing: georgenotfound x gn!reader

↬ genre: friends to lovers | fluff to angst to fluff

↬ summary: y/n always kept their hands busy to calm their nerves. but after an unfortunate misplacement of their fidget cube leads to george lending them a hand . . . quite literally

↬ warnings: swearing, light angst, slow burn, stupidity

↬ note: welcome to angsty but not so angsty ch because im bad at angst

↬ not edited

© basilly 2021. all rights reserved. do not copy, repost, or translate my work

the week was quiet, wayyy too quiet for george's liking. the entire time he had wallowed in his guilt. days felt like ticking time bombs, waiting for him to explode and scream at himself in the mirror at his empty phone. usually, you would text him little tidbits of your day or interesting things you saw, but now they were gone. a blank screen on his phone showed every time he checked, anxiously waiting for something. his heart ached for the simple texts, but he knew he had royally screwed up.

head against his desk, he listened to dream and sapnap argue over what tv show was better. not that he cared that much anyway.

"dude, the bachelor isn't THAT bad-" "no, the bachelor fucking sucks- i'd rather watch some good anime." "george, tell sapnap he's wrong." "don't take sides with your 'boyfriend' george, tell him anime is better." "i don't know-"

dream and sapnap went silent fast. george had been acting funny, barely responding to their conversations and tidbits like usual. his voice was also muffled, seemingly tired.

"you good dude?"

george bit his lip, realizing this was the first time he had actually evaluated how he was and it was all due to sapnap.

"no- i mean- i don't know, it's weird." "okay. . . do you want to tell us?"

george muttered nonsense for a bit, mentally debating whether or not to tell them. however after dream pulled whatever he did with his exposed secret, he couldn't exactly trust them.

"no- no it's fine." "alright."

---

still stuck in his odd mood, george scrolled through tiktok, trying to fill the boredom. the dread in his stomach pooled, growing more nd more anxious as the minutes passed. you were supposed to come over tonight for movie night once again. however, without any texts at all, he wasn't even sure you were going to show.

shutting off his phone, he let out a tired sigh, resting the phone against his chest. laying with his back on his bed, he brought his hand up, peering at it as he flexed his fingers.

it hadn't been that long since he laid in the same spot, heart and cheeks growing warm at the thought of you clasping your hand over his. now he laid here in shame and guilt, unsure how to fix this situation. his heart now ached and slowly was chipping away instead of warming- and ice cold and lonely without your touch.

a small ding of the cellular device caused him to jump up, frantically opening up his phone.

y/n:

hey george i dont think i can make it tonight, feeling under the weather :/

his nimble fingers shook lightly as he typed back a response. he knew this was coming- but his heart strings felt like they were being torn off.

george:

thats fine- get some rest

next time we can watch two movies

what the hell- what did i do. . .

---

"hey dream."

you had rung dream up, bored of your now free friday night.

"hi- wait a minute, isn't it friday? i thought you and george have movie night tonight." "we wereeee, but-" "but? trouble in paradise? a lover's quarrel?"

you groaned. you wanted an escape from the george conversation but you should've known it was inevitable. after all you did call up george's best friend.

"dream!" "kidding, kidding- but what's up?"

pulling the blanket tighter around you, you sigh into the mic. blankly staring at the screen, you weren't even sure how to phrase it.

"i. . . don't know? i think i did something. all of a sudden it got really awkward between us." "really? i doubt it's that bad." "it is. he won't even look me in the eye or sit next to me!"

besides dream's clicking, you heard a door creak open.

"hey sapnap- y/n's on vc by the way." "hey y/n!" "he can't hear me- but hiii." "y/n says hi." "back to what we were saying-" "actually, sapnap can back me up on this- but george was acting weird since last week." "really?"

you perked up slightly, interested in what he had to say. sapnap's voice could barely be heard, but intelligible enough for you to get the gist.

"george was WEIRD." "yea- he's been weird ever since i mentioned on stream that he hated when people held his hand."

you pondered in your head, the corners of your lips turning down slightly into a frown. as much as you wanted to ask more, your phone rang.

"hmm ok. thanks guys but i have to get going. don't let george know about this. i think i made him uncomfortable so i let him know i was feeling under the weather." "secret's safe with me."

the sound of the call ending rang through dream's headphones, signaling him to take them off and take a break. sapnap continued to tweet from his phone, scrolling through his timeline.

"y/n has a point- i wonder why george was acting weird." "dream you're an actual idiot. they like each other." "they WHAT-"

taglist: closed! @dysfunctionalcrab @inniterhq @mitzimania @acidtabletz @yamturds @qnfs @bozowrites @moonamor @sunniewrites @socksarockin @willowsdemise @3nt1ty-g0t-l0st @lux-xen @tinyegg @aimeeisthecoolest @mintyminho @bambooforest @punzoquack @bugsbiteme @cr0wbonezz-wr1ting-inc @cherios @daninotfound @pxint @losingvienna @traumatizedladybug @julbees17 @oh-mcyt @flaming-flowers @thenotsohottopic @omnikinesisgobrrr @draxleclue @qvrls @basillyfanacc @dawnfallx @feral-boos @nobody-nobody-nobody12 @aikochan4859 @fantasy-innit @jamesdeerest @cl0udy-grey @fairycomplexxx @approoved @my-name-is-milk @heyskeppy @othandaisy906 @torpedo--belly @katevaro @moonfaer @skittles-1312 @bergandysam @seraphine1031 @natistew @angstyx @filmbarnes @zain0ob@blanknamed

[marjorie189]

The One and Only: JJ Maybank Series

Summary: 

Y/N, the kindest and sweetest person you’ll ever meet. The thing is she’s a kook. Unfortunately causing her to fall into the stereotype of being snotty and spoiled, just because she’s from the other side of town. Kie and Y/N would exchange greetings and occasional conversations during Kie’s kook year. As summer emerges, she notices Kie’s group of hot pogues. One pogue in specific catching her eye. The One and Only: JJ Maybank.

Word Count: 12,296

❀✿

Y/N was walking along the beach’s sand taking in the nice midday sun. The sun hit her exposed skin. She was dressed in white denim shorts and a small flowery yellow cami. She was beautiful, the whole town of Outer Banks was aware of that. Except for herself. She was too selfless to realize it.

Y/N POV:

My feet sink into the warm sand of the beach, legs after one another. I look fondly at the mesmerizing view of the waves hitting the shore, taking a nice relaxing walk on the beach.

I was so at peace and in love with the scenery, that I realized I was no longer in Figure 8 but in The Cut. I look to my left and see The Wreck.

I feel a smile appear on my face at the thought of Kie. As I get closer to the restaurant I see Kiara fighting a couple of boys. I laugh at her playful nature.

I stopped on my tracks, debating whether or not I should enter the premises. I wouldn’t want to interrupt anything. As my thoughts linger I subconsciously open the door. My eyes widen right as the bell above the door rings, alerting that a customer is entering.

Kiara and all of the three, tall, intimidating boys look over at the door, their eyes catching mine. I blush immediately, regretting my decision instantly.

“Y/N!!” Kiara shrieks in excitement once she sees me. My heart settles once Kiara’s warm voice assures me that I made the right decision. And oh she does. She has no idea that by just walking through that door, that her whole life would change.

The boys look like cats on a cat clock. Their eyes go from Kiara to y/n, back to Kiara, and back to y/n again, and they continue to do so.

Kiara leaves the boy’s side and speed walks over to me. A huge grin on her face.

“KIE!!” I yell back as loud.

“What are you doing here?” She questions once in my arms. I hug her tightly and she reciprocates the same energy.

I open my mouth to respond but she quickly shuts me down.

“Actually! Just give me a sec! Let me just handle them real quick and I promise I’ll be there in a few seconds!” Kiara quickly says, referring to the three boys, that have not kept their eyes off of us. Kiara notices and rolls her eyes.

“Yeah. Yeah! For sure, I’m in no rush!” I say with a smile.

“Okay perfect! Just wait for me on the counter,” She says and points to the stools along the counter’s bar.

I nod and walk over to the counter passing by the three boys. As I walked by them I could feel their heavy stares on me, following me.

I then hear three loud slaps followed by hisses and groans, I giggle and shake my head.

“What was that for?!” One of the boys shrieked.

“For checking out my friend! What? Do you think she’s some kind of animal?” Kiara says in an annoyed manner.

“What? No!” Another boy immediately says in defense.

My back still facing them. They definitely weren’t good at being discreet.

“It’s just… We’re confused, shocked, and surprised that you’re talking to someone other than us! Especially a girl...” The last of the three boys say.

[Okay if y'all can guess which of the three says these three lines I’ll give you guys a shoutout😂]

“You know what guys! Just get out!” Kiara scolds at them.

I take a seat on a stool, place my elbow on the counter’s bar, and hold my head with the palm of my hand, staring at the four in amusement.

“What? What about our food!” The unknown boy says. Now that I’m sitting I catch a better glimpse at the three boys. Distinguishing who they are. This unknown boy’s voice belonged to The One and Only: JJ Maybank.

I notice that all three of the boys are pogues. At first, I felt a bit stunned at who Kiara was choosing to spend her time with. But that little voice in my head was just nonsense Kook talk, trying to instill itself onto my brain. I came to a quick and rightful realization that there was nothing wrong with that nor them. I’ve just been stuck in a community where Pogues are looked down upon and the Kook beliefs have been trying to screw itself onto my morals ever since I was a little girl, but I won’t let that happen.

It’s not fair how Pogues get mistreated and discriminated for their lifestyle. They have no control over that. I never stood for that and nor has Kiara. So it’s not surprising that she’s friends with these three boys. They must be kind guys if Kiara is spending her time on them.

“No! I’m not giving you free food! Now get out before I call the cops!” She says and shoves them towards the direction of the door.

The boys let out cries of despair and give Kie their best puppy dog eyes.

“Nope! Not falling for that,” She says and sends them one last push before they were out the door.

She shuts the door behind them and lets out a big huff once they’re out.

“Come on Kie!” The boy that has his cap reversed on his head says. I instantly recognize him as Hayward’s son, Pope, I believe. He was knocking and begging on the glass windows of the restaurant.

“Nope.” She whispers and shakes her head at them.

All three boys were standing outside the restaurant like statues. Wearing sad frowns on their faces.

Kiara rolls her eyes and walks away from them. My eyes divert over to Kie’s.

“Okay! Sorry about that,” She smiles.

I let out a laugh and nod.

I look over Kiara’s shoulder to see the boys still standing against the entrance of the restaurant.

I continue to look at them, nonchalantly. For the first time, I’m actually noticing how good looking these boys are. My eyes find John B’s well built body. I can picture how strong and muscular his chest must be through his loose tank top. My mouth waters.

My eyes then lift up meeting JJ’s blue ones, just to see that he already had his eyes on me. But in reality, they never left her.

My attention then shifts over to JJ. His smile turned into a smirk as he noticed my eyes on him. He locks his eyes with mine. I couldn’t help but smile. My insides were bursting, but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of blushing.

Those few seconds of our encounter felt like hours, even days.

“EWW! NO. Gross! This is not happening! Stop that! This instant!” Kiara exaggeratedly says.

JJ and I’s trance breaks as I look over at Kie.

“What? What are you talking about?” I say playing it cool.

“Oh don’t even go there! Don’t act like I didn’t see that!” Kiara says grabbing a wet rag from the counter and slapping me with it. I gasp in shock and slap it away.

“What? Why are you hitting me?” I say in between laughs playing dumb. I look over to the guys and see them laughing as well. But only JJ knew the reason why she hit me.

I see the blonde laughing and smirking through the glass window as he catches my last stare before Kiara’s dad shouts at them.

“Stop scaring my customers away! You guys look like stalkers out there just looking through my windows!” He says coming out from the kitchen. Kie’s dad stops his yells and the boys' laugh and nod.

“Yes sir,” Pope and John B say in unison and JJ salutes him.

JJ then looks me straight in the eye and winks at me. A silly, playful smile placed on his face. I try my best to compose myself, but on the inside, I’m all mushy and tickly. I just smile at him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of playing along with his game.

The three of them start walking off and within a few seconds, they weren’t visible from the windows.

“Those boys!” He grunts causing me to giggle. “Oh hi y/n! Didn’t see you there. Nice to see you again. How have you been?” He greets happily.

“Oh, god dad! How many questions was that?” Kiara groans.

“No. No. It’s okay, Kie,” I say, sending her a little shove. “I’ve been good, Mr. Carrera. How about you?”

“Oh call me Mike!” He says with a laugh. I smile and nod.

“Alright well, I’ll let you girls talk. If there’s anything I can do for you girls just let me know,” He says before walking away into the kitchen.

“That did not just happen!” Kiara yells over at me.

“What? That wink that he just sent me while you weren’t looking?” I say with an evil smile.

“Oh no, no, no, no!” Kiara says shaking her head.

I let out a laugh.

“Sorry, Kieee!” I say with a pouty face.

“No, no, no!” She says with an eye roll.

“You can’t blame me! It just happened,” I say defensively.

“Uhuh! Sure,” She says, giving me a scolding look.

I smile innocently to tick her off.

“I hate you!” Kiara says with a glare.

“What! I didn’t even do anything!” I say putting my hands up in surrender.

“Okay, I don’t blame you, this is all JJ’s fault!” Kiara says with a huff. “He literally flirts with anyone who literally just breathes,”

I let out a laugh.

“Wait so did he actually wink at you?” She says, looking at me questioningly.  

“Mhm,” I say simply.

She groans.

“And it was quite hot!” I say in a whisper, knowing it would get her mad.

“Ughh. What do you even see in him? He’s disgusting!” Kiara says in pure disgust.

I just shrug.

“You know for being titled the nicest girl in town. This little encounter right here does not prove it. You’re evil,” Kiara exclaims.

“Am not!” I say quickly.

“You are and it just proved!” Kiara teases.

I shake my head in defeat.

“So what brings you here?” Kiara questions.

“Just wanted to say hi. I was taking a nice walk and ended up here without realizing,” I say with a small giggle, laughing at my oblivious nature.

“That’s exactly something you’d do!” Kiara says bursting out in laughter.

I start blushing and covering my face in embarrassment.

“Okay, I take it back! You really are the sweetest person in the OBX. No one is this shy,” Kiara teases.

“I am not shy!” I protest.

“You are!” Kiara protests back.

“Okay maybe I am but it just comes naturally,” I say with a frown.

“I think you’re just shy and embarrassed when someone gives you attention. Especially with someone you’re not that close with. Like me. But I’m changing that! I don’t want you to be shy with me anymore,” Kiara says kindly.

“Aww,” I say with a small blush. “I’d like that,” I say pulling Kiara into a hug.

“We’re going to be the greatest of friends! In school, I was always too shy to come up to you. You just seemed like the nicest person and I was too intimidated by that. You looked like you had your life all put together and I didn’t think you’d need me in your life. It looked like you had everything you needed already. Even though I really wanted someone like you as a friend. You were different, you weren’t like those other bitchy girls in school. I always wished I had you,” Kiara confesses.

“Aww, really Kie? That’s the sweetest thing ever. I really wish you would’ve come up to me. You know I would see you in class or walking by and see you strut that hallway. I was like damn! Kiara has confidence!” I say with a smile.

“Really?!” Kiara says in surprise.

“Yes! Hell yeah,” I say loudly.

“I’m glad that worked,” She says with a giggle. “I would always have my confidence up. It was mostly a front because I kind of sort of hated everyone there,” She says letting out a loud laugh.

I join her laughter and smile.

“Yeah. I can totally see that. Some of them are really bad,” I say thoughtfully.

“Some of them?” Kiara says with a raised brow.

“Okayyy. Mostly all of them,” I say.

“I don’t know how you can deal with them! They’re rude and disrespectful. I don’t know how you can be friends with them. Especially when you’re nothing like them! I don’t get it! It doesn’t align. The dots don’t connect,” Kiara passionately says.

I let out a giggle.

“Yeah, I would question that myself too. But see the thing is I’ve known them all since the day I was born. It’s like all I can do is deal with them. They’re not all that bad you know. Yes, yes I know. They’re arrogant and act superior to others and trust me I don’t condone that behavior but they’ve all kind of become like my family,” I rant in hopes of trying to get her to understand.

Kiara looks at me closely in an inspecting kind of way. She nods staying quiet.

“Okay. I can respect that,” Kiara says after a while.

A smile appears on my face.

“Thank you, Kie! I really appreciate you accepting that part of my life,” I say with a smile.

Kiara returns the smile and opens her arms and closes them around my shoulders. She lays her head on my shoulders.

“Of course. I know you’re a great person. I know you’re not like them,” She says letting go of me.

I nod.

“Okay but tell me this! How are you blushing over JJ Maybank when you have Rafe, Topper, and Kelce are all over you, all the goddamn time. It doesn't make sense!” Kiara says with a head shake, laughing.

I let out a laugh instantly.

“You’re crazy. They're annoying! But I love them. Unfortunately,” I say with a wide smile. “And! I am not blushing over JJ Maybank!”

Kiara lets out a snicker.

“You definitely were!” Kiara sassily says.

“I wasn't,” I say with a straight face looking away from her knowing I’d end up letting out a laugh if I left my gaze on her.

“I can read you like a book!” Kiara says with an eye roll.

“Okay. Whatever,” I say looking out into the windows.

“What would your three boys say if they saw their precious little girl flirting with JJ Maybank. Their arch-nemesis!” Kiara continues to tease.

I groan and roll my eyes at her. “Really?” I ask.

She nods with a smirk.

“Well, I’m sooo happy that didn’t happen! They would literally get sooo mad!” I say in emphasis.

Kiara laughs.

“Hell yeah they would. They would literally want to beat the shit out of JJ if they’d witnessed what just happened!” Kiara exclaims.

“Well let’s be grateful that it’ll never happen! Again!” I say with a relieved sigh. “Cause knowing Rafe, Topper, and Kelce they’d find out somehow,”

Kiara lets out a giggle.

“Well see I don’t think it’ll be the last time. If I’m being honest,” Kiara says.

“And why is that?” I question in interest.

“Well if you’re going to be my friend, you’re going to be seeing JJ often,” Kiara explains.

“Oh. You’re totally right. That totally slipped my mind! Oh, darn it!” I frown.

“Oh don’t act soo sad. You’re probably bursting on the inside!” Kiara says with an eye roll.

A giggle escapes from my lips.

“Not even. I don’t even know JJ. Yeah, he’s good looking but it’s not like I like him,” I say in all honesty.

“Hm,” Kiara says pursing her lips.

“Oh god!” I say with an eye roll. “It’s not even like that! I don’t even like him like that Kie!” I say shoving her shoulder.

“Okayyy. Whatever you say Y/NNNN!” She says teasingly.

“I hate you, you know that?” I say throwing the rag at her face.

She gets caught off guard and laughs.

“I have an idea! I’m going to JB’s house in a bit. You should come!” Kie says happily, her eyes like shooting stars.

“I’m guessing that’s John B?” I question and she nods. “I don’t know Kie…” I trail. “I'm too shy!” I pout.

“Oh stop! It’s not like you have somewhere better to be!” She says in an annoyed manner.

I gasp. “I actually have to be at the club’s resort!”

“My point exactly! You literally go to the club like every other day. I’m sure Rafe, Topper, and Kelce can have a day without you at the golf course!” Kiara sassily says.

“Okay let’s say I do decide to go…” I trail. “I can free up my golf date with them. That’s no problem. Even though they’ll get butthurt and will want to know where I’ll be, who I’m with, and ask every question possible. But I’ll just make up a lie because they’ll have a heart attack if I’m hanging with you and your boys. Remember arch nemesis!” I say dramatically in the end.

Kiara laughs. “Right! I picture them being attached to you! How do you handle their clinginess!” Kiara questions with a playful teasing smile.

“I don't even know..” I trail in thought with a giggle.

Kiara laughs and continues with her previous conversation.

“Come on Y/NNNN! The boys will love you!” Kiara begs.

“ I don’t know about them loving me. They probably hate me because I’m a kook,” I say reluctantly with a sigh.

“What? Okay fine! What I meant to say is that they’ll eventually love you. It’s impossible not to love you. You’re lovely! And they’ll see that. So come on! I’ll be there, right by your side, if you do decide to come. And plus they were literally eyeing you like candy. Which is annoying! But that means they lowkey already like you. But I must admit if you do come over, it will probably be awkward. Hopefully, they quickly realize you aren’t like that. I mean come on if I of all people love you, that means a lot,” Kiara tries to console.

I huff. “Okay fine…”

“Yessss! Thank you Y/N! I love you! We finally need another girl in the group!” Kiara exclaims.

I roll my eyes. “I’m literally barely going to meet them for the first time! Don’t get ahead of yourself. For all we know they can decide to not want me in your friend group,” I say with a laugh.

“Trust me! They’ll love you! I hope…” She trails in the end.

“I hate you! You’re making me nervous,” I say with a frown at that last part.

“Okay okay! I’m sorry!” Kie says defensively. “But I’m kinda nervous too! But mostly excited!”

I groan looking away. “I’m starting to regret this ya know!” I say looking back over at her. “You know the golf club sounds like soooo much fun right now!!” I say jokingly.

I playfully get off the stool to pretend I’m leaving but before I can do anything else Kiara grabs onto my arms.

“Nu-u-uh!” Kiara says humming a no.

I let out a cry sitting back down.

“I hate you! I’m starting to not like this! What if they hate me? This could turn out sooo bad you know! If Rafe and the boys find out they will literally without a doubt want to beat the shit out of John B, Pope, and JJ. I’m not even joking Kie!” I say with a few pouts as I put my head down on the counter, sighing.

“Yeah… I didn’t really think that far. They literally gatekeep you!” Kiara says angrily and then it turns into a blank face trying to think of a plan.

“Alright let’s not get ahead of ourselves! For all we know, we could be thinking wayyy ahead of ourselves. This could literally be a one time thing if they decide to not want me around. So let’s not worry about Rafe. Topper, and Kelce. For now..” I say with a small giggle at the end.

Kiara nods in agreement and lets out a small laugh as well, lightening up the mood.  

“Alright well, I still got like an hour or so here at The Wreck. So I don’t know if you’d want to stick around or if we wanna catch up after I’m done?” Kiara questions at the end.

I think for a bit.

“Alright how about this? I go walk around town for a bit to kill time while you’re finished here. It’ll give me a chance to tell the boys I gotta bail on them,” I say looking at Kiara to see if she agrees.

“Yeah, sounds good! Okay, so thing is I haven't even told the boys that you’re coming over. So once I’m done here I’ll head to JB’s house and tell them that I’m bringing you over..” Kiara says trailing at the end.

“Oh, how will that go!” I say distraughtly.

“I don’t even know! I mean it’s one thing that they find you attractive and hot, but who wouldn’t! You’re a smoke machine,” Kiara says with a smile.

“Oh stop that!” I say with a shy smile. I could feel my cheeks burn.

Kiara giggles in awe.

“But.. it’s another thing for you to be in their presence. You know what I mean? Like sure they may think you’re good looking but you coming over to hang out, it’s a whole nother ball game. I just hope they don’t give you much of a hard time. Just know this y/n! Just give them time to warm up to you,” Kiara beggs.

I nod understandingly taking it all in.

“Alright then. How will I meet you? Since you’re already going to be at John B’s place?” I ask confused with the plan.

“Oh right! Um? I’ll send you their address through a text. Is that cool?” Kiara asks with pleading eyes.

“Yeah that’s cool! Alright well, see you in a bit,” I say with a smile, standing up from the stool.

Kie stands up after me.

“Yeah. Text you in like half an hour!” Kiara says with an excited smile.

I nod and give her a small hug before I leave.

Kiara tightens her grip and I smile into the hug.

I pull away. “Kiara. I’m glad we’re deciding to become close,” I say with a smile.

Kie smiles and nods. “Me too y/n!”

I wave a little goodbye and walk out of the restaurant.

I start walking into town. After about five to seven minutes of walking, I find a cute bench that’s seated under a tree.

I smile as I see the bench surrounded by nature. The huge tree, grassy area, and flowers nearby.

I take a seat and decompress everything that's about to happen. For some reason, I’m really nervous. I’ve never really had much contact with Pogues. But I’ve always admired how strong they are. Not even just physically but mentally. They go through so much in their lives, and apart from that, they’re shit on by the people I’m surrounded within my day to day life.

After looking out at the sun hitting the water, I grab my phone and dial Rafe’s number knowing he’ll be with Kelce and Topper.

The phone rings and instantly the call is answered. I smile knowing Rafe is probably excited to hear my voice. I roll my eyes, my smile widening.

“My favorite girl!” I hear through the phone’s speaker. His voice deep and quite captivating.

“Hi Rafe,” I say with a giggle.

“What can I do for M’lady? Or is she just too excited to see me that she had to call me?” He teases.

I let out a laugh. “Definitely not! It’s actually bad news. Are the boys there too?” I say knowing they were.

“Yeah we’re here!” Kelce and Topper say in unison. Worry stringing along with their words.

“Okay good. Umm, I just gotta rain check on our plans boys,” I say simply.

“What?! What do you mean?” Rafe quickly says.

I smile at his reaction, expecting nothing more.

“I just gotta do something today,” I say, trying to sound convincing.

“Like what things?” Topper trails, questioning me.

“Just some things. Nothing to worry about boys. I’m sorry, I know we’re always together. Take this as a good thing. You’ll have this afternoon to yourselves, without me,” I say with a laugh.

“But why! We know for a fact you have nothing to do!” Kelce exclaims.

Kiara's voice screams in my head. Clingy.

“Just take it as a boys day!” I say knowing they’ll fall for that.

“Okay fine!” Rafe says with a grunt. “But just know you can’t just bail on us like that! Next time we’re not letting this slip by!” Rafe says dominantly.

“Okay... Sureee!” I say with an eye roll.

“I’ll miss you the most!” Topper yells through the phone, beating the other boys to it.

I giggle knowing this’ll start an argument.

“Not true! I’ll miss you the most!” Kelce quickly says.

“Come on boys. We all know who’s going to miss her the most,” Rafe says.

I roll my eyes with a smile.

“I can just imagine the smirk on your face right now Rafe,” I say shaking my head.

“Whatever Rafe!” Kelce says annoyed.

“Bye boys. I’ll miss you!” I say happily. “Mwuah!” I say.

“Ha! I caught that kiss!” Topper yells in victory.

“You guys are ridiculous. Bye!” I say and hang up before they continue to argue.

I roll my eyes and put my phone away, smiling.

I thought to myself, “thank god I ended the call quickly before they asked more questions. Like who I was with or who I’ll be with.”

I stood up from the cute looking bench to walk around town for a bit. I take a look around The Cut. It was quite different from Figure Eight. The buildings here were archaic and run down. The town’s people were torn and exhausted, visible in their faces that all they wanted to do was get a good, long, lasting sleep.

I find a lady selling homemade ice cream by the docs and I smile walking over to her.

As I near her she forms a frightened and terrified look on her face. She grabs onto her cart tightly, as if I were going to take it away or hurt her.

I frown.

“Oh. Um I was just going to get some ice cream,” I trail not wanting to scare her off.

The lady looks at me with a skeptical look in her eyes. I smile, trying to comfort her.

She nods slowly.

“Thanks!” I say vibrantly trying to show her that I’m here with good intentions. “Can I get a chocolate scoop, please?”

“Yeah. Thanks. I thought you were like the others,” She says slowly in a scared tone, still not fully trusting me. She was trying not to offend.

I frown. “I’m so sorry about that. I would never! I just saw that you were selling ice cream and it looked very delicious. Better than those branded manufactured ones from the store,” I say with a giggle.

A smile peaks on her face causing me to smile.

“Thank you, dear. I’m sorry to have acted like that towards you. If I knew you were-” She speaks but I immediately interrupt.

“No! No! Don’t apologize. I’m so sorry for them treating you badly and harmfully. I get mistaken for their kind of behavior all the time. Just know that I’m not like them, at all!” I say referring to the kooks, while she scoops up the ice cream for me.

She looks up from trying to form a perfect scoop.

“There’s still hope then! I thought they were all rude and violent towards my kind of people. Turns out you’re the only one left.” She says handing me my ice cream.

I shoot her a smile.

“You’re so kind! I’ll definitely be coming back,” I say with a smile as I taste her ice cream. “It’s amazing!”

“Thank you, Miss!” She says handing me some napkins. I gladly take them in my hands and hand her the money.

“Thank you very much! It was nice meeting you,” I say, sending her a loving smile.

She smiles brightly and waves me goodbye.

I turn around and start walking back towards the bench I discovered earlier. I take a seat and look out to the shore as I eat my ice cream peacefully. It was the most authentic and tasteful ice cream I have ever tasted.

Twenty minutes later, ice cream was done, and eyes still on the view.

A text from Kiara interrupting the moment.

Okay I’m off work now. I’m currently a few feet away from John B’s house. I’ll send you a text when the light’s green, so you can come over 🤎

I nod as I read it, reacting to her message with a thumbs up.

I stand up from the bench and enter a small liquor store to buy bottled water.

I head over to the fridges grabbing an ice cold water bottle. I go up to the cashier and pay for it.

“Thanks,” I say with a smile and start walking out the door. I walk around for a bit waiting for Kiara’s text.

Kiara’s POV:

I hit send to the message I typed out for y/n. I put my phone away in my back pocket. I sighed nervously as John B’s house came closer and closer into view.

I rubbed my sweaty hands together without noticing. I smile widely as I see the guys on the porch.

“Hi boys!” I say as I feel my curls blowing behind me with the warm wind.

“Hi Kie!” They all say with toothy smiles.

I try my best to hide my nervousness as I look out into the distance. I walk up the porch’s steps and walk over to the boys.

“What’s up Kie!” JJ cheekily says with a goofy smile.

I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Hi JJ,” I say taking a seat.  

“So you ready?” John B asks with an eyebrow raised.

“To do the same thing we do every day? If so, born ready!” I say letting out a laugh.

“That’s my girl!” JJ exclaims.

I chuckle and for a second I forget that I’m going to break the ice to them about y/n.

“What’s wrong Kie? You seem a bit off!” Pope says in a concerned voice.

“Oh um, nothing really. Better than ever really! It’s just um I have to talk to you guys about something,” I say scanning their faces.

JJ lets out a small chuckle. “What are you talking about?” He says.

I look over to John B and see that he’s leaned back on his chair, eyeing me curiously.

“Just spit it out Kie,” Pope says quickly.

“Yeah Kie. What is it,” JJ says once he sees that the other two boys were taking this seriously.

“Okay. Just please don’t overreact and please and I mean please keep an open mind about what I’m about to say!” I proclaim.

“Um, what?” John B says eyeing JJ and Pope in confusion.

Pope and JJ give John B that same look back.

The three boys look over at me like judges waiting for a declaration.

The boys are as impatient as ever with Kiara’s silence.

“Okay so…. To just let it all out. I invited someone over,” Kiara says and immediately waits for some sort of reaction from the three boys.

“Well, technically you didn’t just let it all out. I mean you kind of let out a high key factor-” Pope says annoyingly using his intelligence before JJ interrupts him.

“YEAH LIKE WHO!” JJ loudly blurts out.

“Yeah Kie... I don’t know about that... I mean you know this circle stays like this,” John B says forming a small circle with his two thumbs and indexes.

I sigh.

“I know. I know. And I’m sorry it’s just this person is pretty cool and I know you guys would like that,” I say, trying to convince the boys. Not yet revealing the gender of this mystery person.

“Yeah! I think we already have enough with our own cool,” John B protests. “We don’t need anyone else and plus who would you even invite? There’s like no one else,” John B continues, still unconvinced.

I look around to Pope and JJ to see that they’re both in doubt about the situation.

“Okay look. This person is someone really important to me and we’re both deciding to evolve our friendship! We were never really close but we’re choosing to change that,” I explain more in detail.

“Okay then if this person is so important to you then why have we never heard of them before?” JJ questions.

“Be-because! She was from my Kook year!” I blurt out.

“What?!!” They all question and exclaim. Their eyes wide and in surprise.

A couple of scoffs are heard.

“Okay, we just heard a couple of things here! Tell us if we’re wrong but did you just say it’s a she and that she’s a KOOK?” Pope says in disbelief.

“We are not having a KOOK over Kie! Kie it’s definitely a no! Like are you crazy? This isn’t our Kie. This is someone else!” JJ says within a millisecond.

“Yeah - I - I don’t even know what to say,” John B says in thought.

“Guys please!” I plead. “What did I say? To keep an open mind and to not overreact and you guys do the exact opposite of what I told you guys not to do!”

“Kiara! She’s a kook. Have you forgotten everything they have done to us? They’re rich, spoiled, brats! They don’t care about anyone but themselves and their money!” Pope fumes.

“Yeah Kie! You literally have personal experience with these kinds of people. Obviously, that’s why you hang with us. Like is there something we’re not getting here? Something we don’t know? You went to school with them and you hated it. Every single second of it!” John B profoundly says.

“Guys! I know. I know. It sounds crazy but trust me! Just, please! When have I ever failed you guys?” I beg and give them a pleading look.

“Kie! What is so important about this girl anyways?” JJ questions genuinely.  

I scoff.

“I don’t know JJ. Why don’t I ask you the same thing?” I reply with a burst of anger.

“What? Why would you have to ask me that?” JJ says, his eyebrows furrowing.

John B and Pope just look at each other with what the fuck expressions on their faces.

“Yeah JJ! Why were you flirting with her?” I say pettily looking at him

JJ's face turns into shock. He scoffs. “Me?” He points at himself and laughs. “Flirting with a kook? Never!” He says fighting me back with laughter and shock all mixed in one.

“JJ I saw it with my own eyes!” I say with annoyance.

“Dude I swear this isn’t you Kie! Are you like okay or something?” JJ says, his eyes looking at me as if something was wrong.

I get angry. “Yes JJ I’m perfectly fine!”

“Well… I mean when a girl says she’s fine, she’s not really fine..” Pope trails barely above a whisper.

“Well, in this case, it doesn’t apply alright!” I furiously say, looking over at Pope.

John B knowing very well that he is not going to butt into this conversation.

“Okay! Then who!” JJ yells annoyed in defiance.

“Y/N! You were literally winking at her and fucking checking her out!” I yell out.

“Oh,” John B lets out with wide eyes.

“What? That - that was not even flirting!” JJ says, trying to sound confident in his response.

“Yeah you stuttered. You can't cover that up now.” Pope says shaking his head.

“I did not stutter!” JJ says shooting Pope a fuck you facial expression.

“Okay fine! She can come,” John B says unexpectedly.

My heart jumps and I turn my head over to him.

I immediately smile and my mouth opens up in thanks.

“If she really means that much to you, she can come,” John B says sweetly.

I stand up from my seat and go in to hug him.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you John B!” I say as I fall into his arms in the process of hugging him.

John B lets out a laugh as he catches me in his lap.

“Okay but only this once!” John B warns pointing a finger at me.

“Yeah if we don’t like her she’s not coming over. Ever again!” JJ protests angrily rolling his eyes.

“No! No! You’ll all love her I promise!” I say immediately.

“I don’t know about love….” Pope trails off as he raises his eyebrows.

“Okay let me go text her! Thank you John B, I love you!” I say getting off his lap.

“Thank you John B, I love you,” JJ mimics in annoyance.

“Fuck off! You were literally the one flirting with her!” I say walking away from them to text Y/N.

As I’m walking into the house I hear the boys talking.

“Why would you say yes?!!” Pope exclaims.

“What?! She’s hot!” John B says referring to y/n.

“I heard that!” I yell at them.

“ANDD she must be amazing since Kie is friends with her!” John B adds trying to save himself.

“Ha! Thought so,” I say walking into the house as the boys continue to hush their conversation.

I go to my messages and Y/N and I’s previous conversation pops up.

I click on the voice memo to record my voice message.

Hey Y/N! Okay good news! I got them to say yes!! It took quite a bit of convincing and arguing but I got it! I’m sending you the address right now! Okay see you in a bit! Byee.

I send the voice memo and walk out to the porch and sit with the guys.

Y/N’s POV:

I was walking around the shops in The Cut when I got a text from Kiara.

I open the message seeing that it’s a voice memo. I put the phone closer to my ear in hopes of being able to hear the message nice and clear with the commotion around.

Hey Y/N! Okay good news! I got them to say yes!! It took quite a bit of convincing and arguing but I got it! I’m sending you the address right now! Okay see you in a bit! Byee.

Midway through the voice memo, I get another ding as Kiara sends the address.

Butterflies come to life in the pit of my stomach as I copy and paste the address onto Google Maps.

I click on ‘start route’ once the app gives me the fastest route to the destination. It says it’ll take a 10 minute walk.

It directs me to walk straight until I make it off the docks.

I get off the maps app and text Kiara.

Hey Kie! Alright, it says I’ll be there in 10. See you there!

I continue walking for the next couple of minutes on the docs as I hear the ocean beneath me.

I feel a sense of security and safeness from the sounds of the wind blowing against the water, forming the waves.

The docs were coming to an end, so I open up the maps and see that it’s telling me to turn left and walk straight until I see Hawks St.

On Hawks St turn right, siri says.

I continue walking straight, leaving the ocean behind me.

The map is leading me to the part of The Cut where the houses reside.

I’m halfway done with the walk when I reach Hawks St.

I look down and wait for siri’s next direction when I take a right.

Keep walking north until you reach “The Dirt’s Path”

I look at my surroundings and see a community of small homes in the suburbs. These houses were small and fading. They were either falling apart or on the verge of breaking down. Some houses were visibly taken care of but still not in the best conditions.

I keep walking and realize that I haven’t yet seen a street sign nor street post. As I realized I felt scared. I felt lost and afraid. I looked around and it was empty, no one was around. I looked down at my phone’s maps and saw that more minutes have gotten added to the time. I must’ve missed “The Dirt’s Path” or something.

The maps were no longer useful as it was just saying rerouting.

I sigh in frustration and turn off my phone.

I try to find the so-called Dirt’s Path and realize that it was going to be much harder than I realized. I have no idea how John B’s house looks like. I don’t know what to expect or what to look for.

All the houses I walked by were side by side and facing each other. They were a couple of blocks down from the beach and water line. These houses were placed like suburbans. I don’t know if John B’s house is like one of these or if his home is by the water?

I run a hand through my hair in frustration. What am I gonna do? Do I text Kie? But what’s the point in telling her I’m lost? I wouldn’t know how to tell her where I am. There were no street names I can refer to.

I throw that idea out the trash and try to find another way to John B’s house.

I continue walking forwards now more aware of my surroundings, trying not to get lost, more than I already am.

I then meet a dirt path as all the suburban laid out homes end. Could this be The Dirt’s Path?

I mean it is a literal path of dirt.

I take a leap of faith and walk into the dirt. As I walk further into this new part of The Cut, I realize the difference between the structures. These homes were more stretched out and spacious in land but the homes were shabby looking and on dirt. While the other homes were on cement. Another thing was that these houses were feet away from the water.

My phone dings must be a message from Kiara.

I grab it and read.

Where are you? Seven minutes ago

Better not have bailed on me :( Two minutes ago

I must have lost connection since I’m just getting her texts.

Just finding my way arounddd…

I send not wanting to admit that I’m lost.

She immediately responds.

Okay I got worried! Cause you said 10 minutes and it now been like 20

I read her message and go back to maps and see that I'm less than a minute away!

I get excited knowing I’m no longer lost.

I look up ahead and realize that it must be the white rectangular house with a nice porch, grassy area, and amazing view of the water. It was right on the edge.

I walk up to it when I knew for certain that it’s the house. I turn off my phone and get closer by the second. My eyes then meet four people sitting down on the porch. I catch Kiara’s crazy beautiful hair and see the three boys inches away from her. They all seem comfortable and content.

Once I make it to the steps of the porch I call out Kie’s name.

They all turn in their seats, looking over at me.

Kiara smiles widely and stands from her seat.

“Y/N!!” She loudly exclaims as she walks over to me, hugging me.

“I’m sooo nervous!” I whisper once our bodies physically collide into a hug.

“Don’t even sweat it!” She whispers into my hair.

I nod and we both let go of the hug.

I look over to the boys from the bottom of the porch and see them staring at us.

I wave at them and they all give me a small awkward wave, in return. I don’t take offense to it knowing they must feel weird about the situation.

“Come on!” Kie says intertwining our fingers. She leads me up the steps and deeper into the porch. Over to the seated boys.

She sits down on a couch that’s empty and pats the seat left to her, insinuating for me to sit down. I comply and get comfy. The boys' eyes on us, mostly on me, the whole time.

“Hey guys,” I say with a warm smile, waving again.

John B is on the chair to my left next to the couch that Kie and I are sitting on, Pope on the width of the porch, and JJ across from us.

“Guys this is Y/N!” She starts. “And Y/N this is JJ,” She says and points in front of us.

JJ waves but it kind of seems forced.

I smile and mutter a small hi.

“This is Pope,” She says and points to our left.

“Hi. I’m Pope,” He says in welcome.

I smile feeling better about being here. His kind nature warming me up.

“Hi,” I say cheerfully.

“I’m John B,” John B says.

I look over at him.

He reaches his arm out to me and I smile, taking his hand in mine. He shakes my hand confidently with a large smile, causing me to blush.

I smile noticing that he didn’t have to wait for Kiara to introduce us. He took initiative.

“Y/N,” I say smiley.

“Nice to meet you. You have such a pretty name,” He says sweetly letting go of my hand.

“Thanks,” I say with a blush and a smile.

“Yeah. Anytime,” He smiles pridefully once he sees me get all shy.

Kiara nudges me and I try to ignore her but I can only imagine the grin she holds.

I look forward and see JJ noticing Kie and I’s encounter. Catching onto Kiara teasing me about John B and I’s little moment.

I see that his eyes turn dark as his face becomes tight. He seems mad.

I just looked away, acting oblivious.

“Sorry I was late. I got lost” I say letting out a nervous chuckle.

“Don’t stress it. It can happen to any of us,” Pope says with a smile.

“Can it though?” JJ questions trying to throw shade at me.

My eyes swift over to him, my smile falling. His eyes everywhere but on me but I know for a fact he feels my eyes on him.

The boys stay quiet knowing the answer.

Kiara kicks JJ right on his shin.

JJ immediately looks over to Kiara and shoots her a glare.

I don’t make it obvious that I’m aware of the fit JJ and Kiara are having.

Kiara sends a glare right back at JJ, in hopes that he’ll be nicer.

“It’s okay!” Kie says with a warm kind smile, now looking at me.

I nod and get a bit of reassurance before JJ continues with his antics.

“Yeah I mean it must be so hard for you to walk these streets right? You’re used to street signs and easy transportation. Unlike here on The Cut. We’re full of broken streets and full of dirt paths. Kind of a given that you wouldn’t find your way around.” JJ rudely says rolling his eyes.

John B’s eyes widen. John B wouldn’t care if it was said to any other kook but John B just had a gut feeling that Y/N wasn’t like those other kooks. It was like with Kie. Kiara was no one compared to the Kooks.

The only difference between Y/N and Kiara was that Kie wants nothing to do with the kooks. On the contrary, Y/N is surrounded and close friends with them. Living the Kook life, just Y/N’s morals are thoughtful and generous, unlike the Kooks.

“Hey man-” John B starts in a way to stop JJ, feeling bad.

“No. No! It’s okay. I deserve it anyway.” I say with a shrug but inside of me, my heart stung. I mean what he was saying was true but did he have to be so rude about it?

I see in the corner of my eyes Pope making a double take at my response.

“What?” Kiara says angrily at my response. “How in the world do you deserve that?” Kiara says to me.

I look over at JJ and he just has a straight face, no emotion appearing on his light soft skin.

But JJ was just as shocked at her response as everyone else. He would expect any kook to fight back with a response but never in a million years would he expect one to just accept his rude comebacks.

It was silent as those seconds passed by before Kiara spoke up again.

“You did nothing wrong! I mean yeah kooks are living a better life than here at The Cut. But how is that on you?” Kiara continues.

I stay silent. Not wanting to say anything.

“JJ! I’m fucking letting this slide. For now. But just watch when we’re alone! Don’t think you’re getting away with this,” She says, anger evident in her voice.

“Kiara. It’s fine,” I say putting a hand on her shoulder, trying to forget all about it.

Kiara turns to me and sends me a look. She shakes her head telling me she wasn’t going to let this go. I just stayed quiet, again.

I look down at my lap and fiddle with my fingers.

I kinda miss Rafe right now. He would never treat me like this. Nor would Topper or Kelce.

I start to feel myself closing up to them.

Kiara notices and puts an arm around me.

“You know I kinda miss Rafe now,” I say only for Kiara to hear.

“They’re that bad huh!” Kiara whispers back, referring to her friends.

“Eh,” I say with a shrug.

“Well I mean if you’re missing him of all people. They must be reallyyy bad!” Kiara accidentally says loud enough for the boys to hear.

“Oh shit!” Kiara says once all of the boy’s eyes were on us.

“Kiara!” I say, giving her a look. My eyes wide in embarrassment.

“She has a big mouth! Huh?!” John B says with a laugh.

“Tell me about it,” I say looking over at him as my heart flutters knowing that they’re not all bad.

I hear Pope chuckle, making me smile. So, JJ was the only mean one I say to myself. Taking a mental note.

JJ stays quiet just sitting on his chair. Looking around like nothing happened.

I decide to let it slide and not let it affect my afternoon with Kie. Allowing myself to further get to know Pope and John B.

“So who is this guy you’re missing?” Pope sillily says with a toothy smile.

“Oh, no one!” I say with a nervous smile, that just happens to go from ear to ear.

My eyes notice JJ shifting and moving in his seat as I cheekily smile.

“With that smile! It must be someone,” John B teases causing my smile to widen.

“No! He’s just a friend!” I say as my cheeks turn red. I try to cover my face in my hands.

“Aww. You’re so shy!” John B cooes.

“Yeah. It’s kinda cute!” Pope adds.

“She does this all the time!” Kiara says with a playful eyeroll.

“It just happens okay!” I let out in a laugh.

The three are in amusement with the new girl before their eyes. Meanwhile, JJ just sits awkwardly in his seat, not daring to say a word. But he couldn’t help but think of how adorable the girl before him was. She was precious and her embarrassment and shyness added to her cuteness.

For the most part, JJ regrets letting his Pogue pride get in the way of getting to know Y/N. But all he can do now is hold his exterior high.

He still does hate the fact that she has everything that he doesn’t but he feels kind of bad because she seems genuine.  

After John B, Pope, Kiara, and I settled down from our fits of laughter, Pope speaks up.

“So Kiara tells us you’re a kook?” He asks.

John B’s eyes lighten up.

“Yeah! I mean it honestly doesn’t even seem like it. You seem so chill and quite frankly adorable!” John B adds.

I smile and feel my cheeks warming up.

“Yeah I mean I guess you could say I am,” I say like it’s nothing.

“She’s literally the kookest of the kooks! Except she’s a total sweetheart!” Kiara says, opening her mouth.

“Elaborate on the kookest of the kooks?” Pope curiously asks.

“Yeah like she's the kookest of the kooks! She’s literally at the top, her and her family. Which is quite ironic right? She’s the richest, has the biggest house in the OBX, best cars, and trucks, the list goes on.” Kie lists to the guys. “Oh, and how could I forget? The best looking!”

“Wow, and I mean yeah! Shouldn’t that make you the brattiest and the meanest?” John B says with a chuckle knowing y/n is the exact opposite based on what he’s known of her.

“And the bitchiest?” JJ remarks with an annoyed look on his face.

I look over at him, my eyebrows furrowed.

“I mean do you think I’m a bitch?” I say finally speaking up.

Pope and John B give each other a look.

JJ stays quiet as if I never even spoke.

“And you say kooks are arrogant and self centered!” I mutter letting out a scoff but they all hear clear as day.

“If you have anything to say, then say it!” I say looking straight at JJ even though he wasn’t even looking at me.

Y/N’s a shy sweet girl but that doesn’t interfere with her courage. She’s fiery and stands up for herself.

He finally looks over at me.

“I don’t have anything to say,” He says plainly and looks away right after.

I would’ve called him a coward then and there but I didn’t want to ruin the moment with the rest of us.

Kiara smiles at me telling me good job with her smile, causing me to let out a small laugh.

I look to my left and notice Pope sending me a thumbs up with a huge smile causing me to giggle.

He deserves it, is what they’re trying to say.  

I was a bit worried that John B and Pope might not like me after answering back to JJ, but they seem pleased with the fact that I did.

I sigh to myself in relief.

“Yeah, one day you all can come over!” I smile. “Well I mean if you guys decide to want me around,” I end with a small giggle.

Pope’s eyes get big but JJ interrupts right as Pope is about to speak.

“Yeah... I don’t think so. So don’t get your hopes up,” JJ bluntly says.

My mouth opens to respond but Kiara quickly changes the subject.

“You were saying something, Pope?” She says trying to proceed with the conversation.

“First off JJ, speak for yourself!” Pope declares. “And! Like, go over to your mansion?” Pope baffles at me.

“I mean I wouldn't call it a mansion,” I trail with a laugh, ignoring JJ’s remark completely.

“Oh stop being so modest!” Kiara says with an eye roll.

“Only if we can steal your dad’s car and drink the finest wine and champagne your family possesses!” John B jokes.

“Deal!” I beam.

We all let out a chuckle, except for one.

“Let’s play a game!” John B blurts out of nowhere.

Kiara gasps.

“Great idea!” She says and reaches out under the couch. “I think I saw some Uno cards under here,” She mumbles.

“Okay. But let’s spice it up” I dare with a devilish look.

“I like how this is sounding. Go on,” Pope ponders.

“Okay how about this! While we’re all playing Uno we can all ask each other, Never Have I Ever questions!” I propose.

“Okay. Sounds interesting,” Kiara says now shuffling the Uno cards.

“Serves the purpose of getting to know each other,” Pope says getting closer. He places a small table in the middle of us to put the cards on.

“Uno says a lot about someone’s behavior! So we’ll be on a close lookout for yours!” John B slightly teases.

“Oh yeah. Definitely doesn’t make me nervous at all!” I say with a playful eye roll.  

“Yeah, we already noticed the eye roll. We’ll add that to our observation list,” Pope laughs.

“Stop!” I say feeling my cheeks get warm.

Kiara laughs and starts to hand us all our individual small decks.

“Well, this is going to be a long afternoon!” JJ huffs getting his deck from Kiara.

“Okay, Y/N never have I ever!” John B thrills, as we all ignore JJ’s remark.

“What!” I say with a wide smile. ”We haven’t even started the Uno game and you’re already bombarding me with questions!” I end with a laugh.

“Well too bad!” He says with a sly smile.

“Okay fine,” I say giving in and placing the first card of the game.

Kiara then places her card on top of mine.

“Never have I ever had my first kiss,” John B questions as he eyes me.

“I mean yeah. Duh!” I say as I make an obvious face.

“Okay just asking!” John B says in surrender causing me to chuckle.

“I think we need a storytime!” Kiara pesters.

“Ha! Definitely not,” I retort.

“Oh come on tell us! It can’t be that bad!” Pope prys.

“Oh. It wasn’t bad at all! It was quite magical, actually,” I add in remembrance of the day.

“Okay then, see! Tell us,” Kiara prys.

“Yeahh. No,” I say knowing that if I name the boy it’ll ruin the night.

“Well if it’s not a bad first kiss then why not tell us?” Pope says adding a card.

“Because,” I say with a laugh. “I have my reasons,”

“Oh come on!” Kiara says, forcefully making me look at her pouty face.

“Okay fine,” I say with a huff, knowing they wouldn’t stop until I tell them.

“Yes!” Pope says with a clap.

“Bingo,” John B retorts as Pope and him give each other a handshake.

I roll my eyes at them and smile.

“It was a middle school dance. I was in sixth grade and the boy was in eighth grade. A slow dan-” I say as I was trying to tell them the story before Kiara eagerly interrupts.

“The boy being?” Kiara interrogates with a smirk.

I give her a side eye and continue the story without answering. Completely ignoring her.

“Oh come on!” The three say. The three being Kiara, John B, and Pope.

“No! I’m not saying!” I remark.

“How much do you want to bet it’s the boy you and Kiara were secretly talking about earlier,” John B says with a smirk, wiggling his eyebrows.

I get scarlet red and shake my head, a smile waiting to be released.

“No way!” Kiara says putting the dots together in her head. “It is! isn’t it?”

I stay quiet holding in my smile but failing miserably.

“It all makes sense! No wonder the boy is with you 24/7. It makes sense as to why he’s so clingy with you. You locked him in with a kiss!” Kiara gushes.

“You’re ridiculous!” I say with an eye roll.

I look away from Kiara and lookup.

My eyes meet JJ’s and my heart skips a beat. He’s so beautiful. His blonde beachy hair and sky blue eyes. For a second his facial expressions seem kind and warm, but they quickly change to cold and menacing ones, once he sees my gaze on him.

I look away.

“Next question!” I say as I place a card onto the table.

“What? But you never finished the story,” Pope reckons.

“Oh right,” I say with a playful sigh. “I was dancing with my friends when a slow dance came on. He came over and asked me to dance with him. Me and him weren't exactly friends at the time but we knew each other, he was really nice to me despite him being an eighth grader. We spent the rest of the night together. Dancing and having a good time. I look back at that night and know it’s one of the best nights I’ve ever had. It was remarkable and straight out of a cliche movie. The last dance was of course a slow dance and he offered to dance one last time. Of course, I said yes, so he takes me by my hand and takes me onto the dance floor. In the middle of the song we both leaned in and kissed. I was dying on the inside, I remember I was like oh my god I’m kissing the cutest guy in school!” I say ending the brief and quick story with a laugh.

“Okay, and what happened next?!” John B presses.

“What?” I say with a laugh. “I thought we’re only talking about the first kiss,”

Pope and Kiara gasp.

“So you’re saying you shared more than one kiss?” Kiara says with wide eyes.

“What! No!” I say knowing I just exposed myself.

“Now you gotta tell us more!” Pope says intrigued.

“Okay fine!” I say with an eye roll. “After our kiss ended, so did the dance. So, he offered to walk me home. We talked and he made me laugh the whole way there. When we made it to the gate of my house we were saying our goodbyes and right as I was about to enter he pulled me into another kiss. Might I add it was even better than the first! Maybe cause I was a bit more comfortable with kissing. Who knows but it was. I know if I leave the story at that, you guys will continue to ask questions. So let me sum it up, he graduated middle school but we continued to talk during that summer. We became friends and now after all those years, he’s still my best friend. I know he’ll always be there for me and I can trust him with my life,” I say to them.

“Wow,” John B says looking up at me after placing his card.

“We’re definitely talking about this later!” Kiara beams. “Cause I know for a fact it’s him!” Kiara says, referring to Rafe.

I roll my eyes and groan.

“It’s not!” I claim. Even though it is. Rafe was my first kiss.

“What! That’s not fair.” Pope states with a whine.

“Yeah I agree. Y/N if you’re going to continue to hang around we have to know what you guys are going to talk about,” John B says.

“Are you trying to blackmail me?” I say with a raised brow, letting out a laugh. “But don’t even worry about it. We’re not talking about it!”

“Yes, we are!” Kiara says as she places a reverse card.

“Gosh! You guys are so annoying,” JJ says with a huff.

“I think it’s just you,” Pope says.

“Alright, then my turn!” JJ says determinedly.

“Never have I ever been so bored with my kook life that I had to give it some spice by hanging out with pogues as entertainment,” JJ speaks looking at me with fire in his eyes, waiting for my answer.

I look him straight in the eyes. “Never,” I say.

“I have,” Kiara answers.

“The question wasn’t meant for you,” JJ says, moving his eyes off mine as he speaks to Kiara.

“Well, it applied to me so I answered,” Kiara says with sass.

JJ rolls his eyes in defeat and lays back in his seat.

John B nudged me causing me to realize it’s my turn.

I look down at my card and see that I have a blank action card.

I place it down in the pile.

“JJ,” I say with a smirk, catching his attention.

His heart skips a beat, as he hears his name rolling perfectly out of her lips.

I can feel everyone’s eyes on me.

“What?” He says with an eye roll.

“Draw 20 cards,” I say with a fake sweet smile.

Next to me, I feel Kiara stifling in her laughter.

“Ooo. This just got interesting,” Pope says with a laugh.

“I’m not doing that,” He fumes.

“You okay there JJ? I think I can see smoke coming out of your ears,” John B teases.

“Cut it out, man!” JJ says at John B.

We all continue to laugh which proceeds with JJ throwing the cards down on the table.

Kiara, Pope, and John B look up at him in surprise.

“I’m not playing this stupid game, anymore!” He says standing up from his seat and walking away into the house.

We all let out loud laughs and continue to play.

“Go Kie,” John B says, but worriedly looks over at JJ.

“Hmm okay. Never have I ever had a one night stand,” Kie asks.

“Never,” I answer.

“I have,” John B says.

“Regretfully yes,” Pope responds.

“Yeah me neither,” Kiara answers.

“Never have I ever fallen in love,” I ask them.

We all answer a no.

“Never have I ever called a teacher mom,” Pope asks.

I giggle.

“Oh come on! I think we all have,” Kiara laughs.

John B places his second to last card on the pile and is left with one.

“UNO!” I yell at him.

His eyes widen and he looks down at his card.

“Darn it!” He says and lets out a groan.

I smile and let out a laugh.

Kiara hands him four cards.

I look straight ahead of me, where JJ previously was. The night approaching.

Wow, the time has gone by so fast. I smile knowing that I've had a great time. John B and Pope were amazing. They’re funny and welcoming. They made me feel nice and equal to them.

As I was in my head, Kiara placed her last card causing her to win the round.

Pope and John B roll their eyes.

“Why do you always win?” Pope says with an eye roll.

“Because I’m smart. Duh!” She says with a smirk.

I roll my eyes at her.

“Oh relax!” I say giving her a look.

“Is this a challenge I’m sensing?” She scoffs playfully.

“OOO girl fight!” Pope comments.

Kiara rolls her eyes and I just laugh.

We start picking up the cards and placing them back in its box.

“JJ! COME OVER HERE! John B yells. Hoping it would reach JJ inside the house.

I look behind me in the direction of the house and see JJ reluctantly walking out.

“Come on, man!” John B says once JJ is outdoors, trying to convince his best friend to come back.

“Yeah, before we replace you with Y/N,” Pope jokes.

“Haha!” JJ says in monotone, shooting him a glare. “So funny, Pope,”

“Aw. Come on lighten up, J,” John B says with a smile.

“Yeah,” JJ says once he makes it over to us, keeping his response short.

JJ sits back down in his seat.

I sense the awkwardness in the room, even though we’re all outside.

“Hey... I think I’ll start heading out,” I say to them.

“What? Why?” Kiara asks in surprise, frowning.

“I- I just don’t want to make things weird,” I say standing from the couch. “But it was very nice talking to you guys!” I say looking over to my left where Pope and John B reside.

They shoot me sympathetic smiles.

“Likewise,” Pope says smiling sweetly.

“Thanks,” I smile.

“Fine. Let me walk you out,” Kiara says, starting to stand from her seat.

“No!” John B interjects, standing up from his chair instantly. “I got it.”

“Oh. Um okay..” Kiara says sitting back down in her seat, before even getting to fully stand up.

I blush and hesitantly look up at him.

He smiles assuringly, making my heart flutter.

I look away shyly. My eyes falling on JJ’s.

He looks bothered by the fact that John B intervened with Kiara walking me out. His eyes look like they’re filled with rage and annoyance.

If I knew any better I’d say he looked jealous. But why? Literally the whole goddamn time he treated me like his punching bag.

“Actually I’ll join you. Let me just get my things,” Kiara says standing from her seat.

John B and I nod, as she walks into John B’s house.

“Come on,” John B says, placing his hand gently on my back. Insinuating for me to walk off the porch.  

I start walking off, John B behind me.

I turn around as I make it to the steps.

“Bye,” I say brightly, looking over at Pope.

He grins and waves goodbye. “I’ll see you,”

I nod and then look over at JJ.

This time he’s acknowledging me. Maybe because I’m leaving?

“Bye JJ,” I say softly, giving him a small wave.

His icy blue eyes locking with mine.

My stomach erupts in butterflies. Fuck.

“Bye.” He lightly says.

I smile and look down, looking away.

I smile, blushing.

He seemed quite sincere in his response. Gosh, this boy is making me go crazy. First, he looks at me all flirtatiously winking at me and all. Then, when we meet he’s a completely different person. And now he says goodbye to me, like in such a kind manner. He doesn’t make sense. Does he hate me or not?

I make it down the steps of the porch and John B and I continue to walk a good distance away from the boys.

“Thanks,” I say once we make it to a stop.

I look up at him. I feel tingly as my eyes lay on him. His tall figure giving me butterflies and his tan muscular skin making me spin.

He smiles looking down at me, causing me to blush even more.

“Yeah. No problem,” He smiles, continuing to look down at me.

“Gosh, you’re making me act all shy…” I say looking down at the ground.

I hear him chuckle, making me smile.

“Sorry!” He says, thinking of how adorable the girl before him is. “But look before Kiara comes. I just wanted to say I’d love to have you around. Ignore JJ. Don’t let his attitude discourage you. He’s just protective that’s all. I’m really sorry about him. It honestly surprised me, I didn't think he'd be that harsh…” John B says, running his hand in his hair awkwardly, in hopes that it’d make up for it.

“Wait? Really!” I say in awe about him wanting me around.

“Yeah! Definitely,” He says in a reassuring tone.

“Okay,” I say with a pleased smile.

“Okay..” He says, repeating after me. “Look and yet again, I’m really sorry about JJ and his rude comments and remarks. I don’t know what got into him. Really,” He says looking into my eyes, again, trying to explain.

I nod.

“He’s just very…. How do I say this? It’s the dumb kook vs. pogue rivalry. But he should’ve realized that you’re different. I mean even Pope realized it. He’s just probably still not over the fact that you’re a kook. But I mean Kiara is a kook too. So, it shouldn’t be any different. But I’m sure he’ll loosen up soon. So please don’t let him discourage you from coming over. We’d all love for you to be here more often,” He says smiling.

“Okay. I will. It was really fun. I had a great time. So thanks,” I say looking up at him to keep eye contact.

“Yeah.” He says.

He opens his arms and I smile joining his embrace. He wraps his arms around my back loosely as I place my arms under his, wrapping them around his back.

The hug was short but nice.

I look back at the house and see Pope and JJ looking over at us.

I look back at John B, he too notices them looking.

He shakes his head and laughs.

“Ready?” Kiara yells coming out of the house.

I nod and smile.

“Bye boys!” She says to Pope and JJ as she passes by the porch.

They say their goodbyes as John B and I wait for her by the hammocks.  

Once Kiara makes it over to us, John B gives me another quick hug.

“Bye friend,” He says with a playful smile.

I laugh and wave him goodbye.

I can feel Kiara smiling as John B walks back to the porch.

“Sooo! What was that all that about?!” Kiara says happily poking my sides.

“Oh god! Nothing, he was just telling me to ignore JJ and to come around more often,” I explain as we both start walking away.

“Really! That’s great! See! I told you!” She says poking my sides.

I laugh trying to get away from her as we walk off.

Kiara giggles. “Well just wanted to let you know that every time John B and you had a moment JJ looked furious!! I’ve never seen him act like that!” She gushes.

“Oh god,” I say, rolling my eyes at her.

✿❀

Hello Everyone💛Thank you so much for reading my first ever series and imagine that was written specifically for Tumblr. So welcome☺️

This part is an introductory chapter. I made sure you all got to know more of the characters including Y/N. I have so many interesting and amazing thing planned for The One and Only JJ: Maybank. So, fasten your seatbelts cause you’re in for a hell of a ride!

I would greatly appreciate your likes, reblogs, and comments :) 

Thank you all! 💖

taglist: 

@annab-nana​

[doctorbunny]

MILGRAM theory time: Haruka!

This isn't going to go super in depth (famous last words) but there's a few heavily debated parts of Haruka's MV I want to share my findings/thoughts on because I think this is my new special interest and during my quest to get best boy's song to 1 million views I have been looking over his first MV with a fine tooth comb so to speak.

Disclaimer: As the Jackalope said in the "This is the MILGRAM" trailer, we don't necessarily know everyone's crime from just the first video, its possible that a lot of things will be re-contextualized in the second MV, however I am not psychic or bilingual and thus will only be working with content released before August 20th 2021 and translated into English (which could cause some language/cultural details to be lost on me as translation is not a 1 to 1 process).

TW for discussions of ableism, child abuse, murder and animal death. Also this is really long so sorry to all the people that follow me for non-MILGRAM stuff

Firstly, I want to start on the topic of Haruka as a person. He is disabled. He does not have 'the mind of a child' (although he is 17, making him legally a minor in both North America and Japan). He is not just 'child-like'. And he is not mentally ill (well he might be, in the sense that many disabilities like Haruka's have strong comorbidities [where a person has two or more conditions but neither directly causes the other] with anxiety, depression and PTSD, but usually when I see people talk about him 'struggling with mental illness' they go on to refer to aspects of his disability). Sometimes on tumblr, people like myself, will see canonical traits written into a character and identify them as being traits associated with our disabilities/mental illness and headcanon them as such. Sometimes this even involves saying things like "It's basically canon!" Although we understand that these characters were probably not the result of a writer intending to write a disabled person. When I say that Haruka is being written as a person with a neurodevelopmental disability, I mean the writer intended to write a disabled character and wrote them in a way that they wanted the audience to pick up on. As an autistic person (which is one of many neurodevelopmental disorders and also something I probably didn't have to specify because who else would be writing an essay about a series they got into a few days ago at 11 o'clock at night) I really like how Haruka has been written so far. There's definitely some parts of him that have been exaggerated so abled normies can pick up on his disability (namely how his MV 's main motif is really child-like drawings) but the writers also included a lot of smaller details I appreciate like how it is noted he avoids eye contact when talking to other people and is depicted as nervously pulling at his sleeves in official artwork, or how he says he finds his prison uniform (which has tight straps) 'relaxing' and when he gets nervous/tense, he will dig his fingernails into the palm of his hands. (These last two potential being examples of 'self stimulation' [aka stimming] where a person seeks out specific sensory stimuli in order to help regulate their nervous system/emotions, in this case the tight uniform creates a comforting, secure feeling [you may have heard about some people preferring to sleep under weighted blankets for this reason] and digging nails into his palms sounds uncomfortable/painful but is done in an attempt to deal with a greater sensory discomfort caused by the situation/environment) I also appreciate the depth he is written with, he struggles to communicate verbally but in his MV and interactions with other inmates is shown to have insecurities, opinions and a consistent thought process (this is all basic character stuff but unfortunately not always present in disabled characters)

Also I want to add that (in terms of what we've been shown so far) Haruka did not kill anyone because of his disability/mental illness. Disabled people are not inherently more innocent than abled people. But there is no disability/mental illness where a symptom is that you kill people and real people have to live with the stigma when you speak carelessly and suggest things like "Haruka is the kind of mentally ill person who kills people as a cry for help" 🧂 (or at the very least real people have to read BS like that and cringe). TL;DR Haruka is less child-like and more onion-like (as in, he has layers) 🧅🧅🧅

Now is the actual theory stuff, oops:

Every prisoner in MILGRAM is supposed to have committed murder in some way, obviously considering Yuno just had an abortion (which i personally do not consider an act of murder) whilst Mu literally stabbed someone to death, this definition is stretched a bit. But it is not agreed upon yet who Haruka killed/how many people he killed or why he killed.

In his MV he is shown to have chased after his dog into a forest, seen something off-screen, then beaten something into a messy pulp with a rock. Some people think the dog is a red herring and that Haruka actually killed his mother/the girl from the fireworks show/his brother. I do not agree.

First: I believe Haruka when he says he doesn't have a brother. The MV literally starts by Haruka looking in the mirror and then switching between the him now

and a really similar looking younger child who just so happened to be a key feature of his memories (I don't have the vocabulary to explain it but its like cinematic parallels that establish this is the same person at different points of their life)

Its not impossible that this is Haruka's secret younger brother, but i think its unlikely. I saw someone saying they had to be different people because Haruka looks less happy than the child but like, most 17 year olds are less visibly happy than when they were 7 (or however old the child is meant to be). Life happens.

So when Haruka is shown pushing the child around and eventually strangling him, this isn't meant to be literal (homicide or suicide), but a representation of how conflicted Haruka feels about his younger self, who may have committed the murder (if you've ever been kept awake cringing at memories of something you said in the past and wishing you could go slap some sense into your former self, this is like that but 10 times more self loathing). The lyric "I am always repeating yesterday," implies he might think about this specific past event a lot.

Moving on, its pretty well accepted that Haruka's parents were abusive in some way and Haruka internalised a lot of it: he constantly apologises, he says in his interrogation questions that his one wish come true is that "[he] want[s] to be loved" and describes in his MV how when he couldn't find the words he was looking for ("you're unfair") one of his parents "would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”". He seems to know its unfair but also still says he 'loves' his family, possibly mistakenly believing it is his fault, but also showing an awareness of his situation (and how his parents might behave).

Now, the MV is stylised in a way that makes certain details unclear, but there is one clear detail showing that Haruka's dog was killed

This is the first close up of Haruka and the dog. Haruka's mother is just out of frame supervising, but they look pretty happy. Notice how the puppy has a silvery chain for a collar. Somehow, this dog gets out of the house but only Haruka is shown chasing after it (whether his mother was searching elsewhere or didn't bother following her disabled son into the forest is unclear). Either way, young Haruka is now in the forest, unsupervised.

By the time he finds the dog, there is already blood, suggesting it was initally attacked by something else.

is this a sigh of relief from a boy whose finally found his beloved pet or a jealous weakling glad that nature took its course and he is finally free of that meddling mutt stealing all his mummy's attention? /j

I think this shock at the discovery that 'there is blood on his hands' could imply that rather than literally getting the blood from his dog, Haruka has seen his already injured dog and realises that if the dog got out because of him (he is previously shown to be aware his parents seem to blame him for everything) then he is the reason his dog is injured/dying and will be blamed for it. (this scene plays over the lyrics "It’s fine, though it’s really not It’s really fine, though I don’t really think so When I tried to understand it, You’ll make that disappointed face again" suggesting he is trying to avoid making his parents disappointed and letting the family pet escape into danger is something that could make them very disappointed)

now we get into rock murder (this is present-day Haruka implying that this is either: not how the scene really played out; the writers really wanting the audience to know that this was Haruka's doing and not someone else's; or this turns into a separate incident that happened much later [although note that the red sky and blue moon is the same as when young Haruka first appears at the start])

b the corpse is beyond mangled now, but its clearly the dog because the silver chain collar is still there, to the right of the body. (circled in red for your convenience :3)

My hypothesis is: Haruka didn't set out to kill his dog, but upon finding it injured (we don't know the severity aside from bleeding and also it not being able to run away from Haruka kneeling down above it w/ a big rock so it could range from treatable with a lot of vet help to already on death's door, TBH I don't think Haruka would know the difference) He knew he'd be blamed for this; made into a villain who let the poor puppy come to harm. He panicked and killed the dog out of some idea that it would make him the victim here (since he'd be found crying over a dog corpse, which might make a parent go comfort him rather than getting angry about what could've happened to the dog). This is over the lyrics: "I cried, I screamed I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling I was in denial, I was in denial I just had to make sure I’ve become a victim, I’ve become a victim" (there's another theory that he was also jealous of the dog, which could work here too, since this is not some calculated plot; rather its a rash decision) This ties in with his Japanese song title (translated as Weakness) which is a play on a phrase sort of like "The strong eat, the weak do not" to become "The weak are eaten by society" or "The weak eat each other to survive" [once again I am reminding everyone this is based on second hand information from the youtube comments section (from users mitchki and Alphaistic) because I do not speak Japanese] This second meaning (The weak eat each other to survive) makes sense under the reading that Haruka killed his dog in order to 'survive' making his parents disappointed for the dog escaping.

Miscellaneous points:

We don't know where Haruka's necklace came from yet, it must be a gift since the most expensive thing he's ever bought was cotton candy. The younger child in the video isn't wearing it and neither is his mother or the girl in the purple dress.

Haruka's home seems quite big, at the start we can see a large flower garden outside the window and there's a forest in walking distance. This might suggest his family is quite wealthy

Haruka probably did go to school at some point as homeschooling is not a legally accepted as an alternative to public schools in Japan. (However it is estimated that up to 5000 families homeschool, this is uncommon) A lot (about 62%) of Japanese schools apparently have a 'special needs' classes and there are about 505 schools focused on educating intellectually disabled students (although I do not know which sort Haruka would've needed as whilst intellectual and development disabilities can be comorbid they aren't the same). Now, if children aged 7-14 don't go to school, their parents receive a fine, but its possible that if Haruka's parents are wealthy, they just paid it to avoid sending him to school. (This might imply they wanted to hide him or were generally ashamed of him in some way) However high school education (for students over 14) is not legally required and its likely that even if Haruka went to elementary/middle school, he hasn't been around people his own age in at least 3 years. As he seems quite lonely and glad that the other prisoners give him attention.

I don't think Haruka's parents are divorced and if they are, its not his father who left. Haruka mentions in the 30 questions that he thinks he disappointed his father. But still includes him as part of his family ("My father and mother and me"). A theory I've seen is that his father was disappointed by his son being disabled and left. but developmental disabilities (especially in non verbal and semi verbal children like Haruka) can be diagnosed before the age of 3, so I feel it is unlikely that Haruka would bring up his father if he left that early in Haruka's life

All MILGRAM prisoners have covered one of DECO*27's older vocaloid songs (DECO*27 is a well known producer who composes the music for MILGRAM) Haruka covered 'Two Breaths Walking' (https://youtu.be/puXLfVWrz2Q) which is about a boy's first relationship and how his mother's jealousy set him up for failure as the relationship becomes toxic (specifically it has some very funny out of context lines like "Whose breasts are you sucking on now?") so yeah, mommy issues: the song (Also: some people say in the song, the boy kills the girl at the end, but this isn't literal, TBW is the first of a trilogy of songs about the same relationship, it is followed by Android girl then Two Breaths Walking: Reloaded and the story resolves with the couple reuniting as adults and getting in the relationship again, although its not necessarily as abusive as before, its still implied to be codependant ending on the line 'We should live like oxygen tanks, sucking breathe from the words each of us exhale, until our last breathe')

In all seriousness, the scene where younger Haruka is walking through the city with his mother but it keeps repeating until older Haruka pulls the younger one away might indicate an attempt to focus the happier memories of his parents (since this is also over the lyrics "Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don’t change If I tried and couldn’t say it, You would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”" which depict a worse scene) I think both his parents are still physically present but have become far more emotionally distant, not giving him as much attention, which exacerbates his loneliness from not having any friends his own age to talk to

And if one of his parents did leave? I think its likely his mother since she is shown disappearing out of his reach after the dog-incident (inferring she got angry/disappointed in Haruka anyway) This could also be where he got his necklace from: Its something his mother used to wear (although this is 100% a guess) and that's why its shown to be important to him

This one is just me, but i didn't realise until a rewatch that when Haruka is watching the younger him and the girl running together, the background has fireworks. Haruka mentions fireworks being a key memory to him so I wonder if this was one of the first/last times he got to make a friend...

On three separate occasions in the interrogation, Haruka mentions not liking animals. Despite this, he is depicted as sleeping with a rabbit plush and on his birthday art (I'd include that too but tumblr only allows 10 pictures per post, so here's a link) he is standing next to a giant blueberry and strawberry cake with two bunny themed biscuits at the side. Through my experiences of seeing Japanese fandom art on pixiv, sometimes rabbits are used to insinuate a character is cute and timid in fanart.

Meaningless details: Haruka sleeps with his necklace on; he sleeps on a bed and not a futon; at first I thought he woke up holding his plush's hand but his hand is merely next to the toy; and considering the state of the pillow and blanket, I wonder if he moves a lot in his sleep or if the is just because in this case he seems to be waking up from a nightmare about the dog incident...

Final note: I've spent so many hours writing this I don't remember if i was building up to any big finale or not but I hope you enjoyed reading this! Feel free to add on in the comments/reblogs.

[sand-worms]

Illuso aaaand trish for the ask game :)

o7 okie dokie

Illuso

-do I like them: the “liking Illuso out of spite” to “liking Illuso for realsies” pipeline is real

-5 good qualities:

1. Very observant! He’s canonically got notes on all of bucciaratti’s group aside from Giorno so obviously he’s good at what he does, and what he does requires him to observe people most likely, given his stand ability and such.

2. Seems to be very self-confident, though I guess whether that confidence is real or a front he puts up is up to interpretation.

3. Illuso sucks so bad what do I even say about him. His hair is pretty and I want to braid it.

4. I promise I have better thoughts about Illuso when I’m actually awake. Uh. Damn Diavolo your mirror based assassin is gnc as fuck.

5. Dresses like he would be good to take a nap on. Thotty little memory foam mattress.

-3 bad qualities:

1. Overly cocky and pompous, likely drives people away from him because of it.

2. Seems like he can’t mind his own business, needs to know about everyone around him but they can’t know about him.

3. Also seems to be combative just for fun? Seems to like to push Formaggio’s buttons just because he can (at least from the anime)

-favorite episode: the one that he shows up in :) not many to pick from here!

-otp: honestly! I don’t really get into shipping outside of stuff like my friends selfships so I don’t really ship him with anyone

-brotp: would be cool to see him interacting with like… Melone maybe. I do think his friendship with Formaggio would be fun to explore.

-ot3: *******

-notp: illuabba fucking sucks man

-best quote: the part in the Netflix subtitles for vento aureo where he just like flat out says sorbet and gelato have fucked it’s really funny to me.

-head canon: he likes to play rain or ocean sounds quietly while he sleeps. He has a white noise machine specifically for traveling.

TRISH!! <3

-do I like them: YEAS <3

-5 good qualities:

1. Very smart and logically minded! I get the sense that she’s very quietly observant and things just make sense to her idk

2. Genuinely kind and caring once she starts to warm up to people a little!

3. Seems like she’s also typically very decisive. I don’t think she would debate her decisions much.

4. Her stand is really unique and interesting and I wish she would’ve kept that initial sentience she seemed to have

5. I like that she sort of stands up for herself and demands answers to things when she deserves them does this make sense. Like she seems like she doesn’t let people push her around.

-3 bad qualities

1. Seems to lash out and get bossy when she’s uncomfortable or scared

2. Literally initially just a plot device and doesn’t get a TON of character development like she deserves

3. She’s 15 and her outfit looks like that.

-favorite episode: I like the part where she’s in the elevator with Bucciarati. I wish she had gotten more focus during that part and had gotten a flashback sequence like everyone else. The BIG fight is good too.

-otp: I don’t ship her with anyone

-brotp: her and Giorno or her and Mista :) Also I’ll take any opportunity I can to push my Trish and Ghiaccio friendship agenda. I think they would’ve been friends.

-ot3: 🚫

-notp: her and anyone in bucciarati’s group. Except for like Giorno I guess since they’re the same age but DONT be fucking weird about it.

-best quote: everything she says in the whole series idk :) I like the part though where she talks about knowing that her dad sucks and was gonna kill her tbh like. Real.

-head canon: I think she’d be really good at sudoku puzzles. I think they just make sense to her and come very easily to her.

[ready-to-obeyme]

[OM!] All Demon Brothers + Undateables as Babysitters (Part 1)

Scenario: For the sake of the exchange program (probably), the entire cast is now in charge of taking care of kids ranging from infants to pre-K children at a daycare with you. Headcanons on what type of babysitter they would be + whatever cute shenanigans that may occur

Note: Baby fever!! Inspiration is the entirety of Gakuen Babysitter/School Babysitter. It is literally the cutest anime I have ever watched in my life and I highly recommend it if you want a cute feels-good, slice of life!! Some of the kids I may have based off of them, but you don’t need to watch it to understand this! :))

why do i always make my headcanons so long

Part 1 has the 7 Demon Brothers

[Part 2] has all five Undateables

--

Lucifer

This was probably Diavolo’s idea so he has no choice but to go along with it, much to his dismay

He already thought humans were fragile, and now they were going to take care of the smaller, younger ones? 

His face scares 90% of the kids on his first day as a babysitter, which kind of hinders his job because every time he tries to help them clean up or change diapers, the kids start crying 

The other 10% who are not intimidated by him claim him to be the Big Bad and play fight with him all the time, and considering his attitude, he’s a pretty perfect villain in their make-belief play so he’s won their hearts IMMEDIATELY 

Generally a pretty strict baby-sitter who is listened to without having to repeat himself; his power and authority is unyielding (and also he’s just plain scary even if he doesn’t mean to be, and lowkey he likes the power he has because the kids remind him of Mammon sometimes) 

It’s honestly a big debate whether he should just give up and ask for help or power through, but if he’s just babysitting with you, pleads with you to please help him because he’s so lost and why do they scream so loud and not that he would ever admit to it, but he is a tiny bit hurt that he can’t seem to have the kids trust him

Once he’s told that he should smile more and speak more gently, he implements it with mixed results (at first), but it’s a significant improvement from the first few days

During a moment of rest, he’s sighing when a baby crawls up to him and sits in his lap without warning, and he’s a goner 

Literally has the hardest time trying to train his face not to look so pleased or happy, but his smile is so soft (and he will not hesitate to kill any of his brothers that see him like that, but for you and the undateables, he’ll just be embarrassed) 

Loves infants and how trusting they are of him despite how scary his face may seem sometimes-- the epitome of unconditional love and he’s just… very tender

Probably ends up being the respected babysitter who’s super cool to all the kids but slightly unapproachable (unless you’re a babyyyy) but eventually climbs the ranks in terms of babysitters because he vouches for them if they do need him

Mammon

The kids have decided that he is the biggest kid on the playground and now to assert dominance, they must beat him up

Which is what they do-- or as much as they can with their tiny fists and miniscule strength and the fact that Mammon is a literal demon

You just stare at Mammon as he cries on the ground, whining at how the kids ganged up on him and you’re just like…. They’re literally <4 years old. 

Despite that part, Mammon gets along with all the kids really well!! 

He talks to them as normal and calls them ‘brats’ but they all know he’s soft for them so they kind of take advantage of that? But only a little bit because they don’t like seeing Mammon cry either

You forget who comfort the other more at this point, the kids or Mammon

Mammon is the best person to call for if the kids want to play around because he’s pretty animated himself and goes along with whatever the kids want to do 

You might have to reign them in a little yourself, because you’re not quite sure Mammon really knows what’s actually dangerous for them

“Mammon, please only carry one kid at a time please, you’re scaring me”

“Huh? You know I can carry all four of them on my head--”

“Please”

Suuuper popular with the kids even though he kept complaining about them to anyone who would listen that he had to look over these tiny humans

But the moment any of the kids ask for his help or do something cute, he’s the FIRST one to go and help because ‘you need the GREAT Mammon’s help? Guess you can’t help it after all…” and he just likes the fact that he feels reliable to these kids

He might… actually save money to buy these kids Christmas gifts?? Will maybe cry if they bring little Valentine's Day candies (that their parents probably told them to give but shhh let him dream)

Leviathan

May or may not be hyperventilating as he hypes himself up to go into the daycare and meet the kids

He tried to brush it off to his brothers that they’re just kids and he doesn’t care if they like him or not because it doesn’t matter to him because he’s just an otaku-- but my god he hopes they like him 

Little does he know, the fact he lets them play on his game consoles (whether or not they actually know how to play) wins them over immediately and breaks the ice

They find him super interesting to talk to and he ends up a pretty popular babysitter because he talks to them like adults (yes, even to the babies) 

Catch him giving a bottle to a baby while talking to them in baby-voice (that he adopts not on purpose) about his favorite TSL season 

One of the biggest reasons why the kids love him is because he really listens to them even though their rants and blabbing doesn’t always make sense

When he does talk about his interests (or it slips out, as it does), the kids are genuinely interested in what he has to say and that’s when his mission to convert all of these kids to watching anime and reading manga started

“Reading manga is going to help them develop reading comprehension!!”

Probably brings his entire stash of (kid-friendly) manga-- probably the magical girl anime with Ruri-chan-- and has the kids dig in 

It does have some negative repercussions because kids aren’t exactly good at handling precious material, so things do rip and break and Levi had to excuse himself to go outside and mourn his lost

But the fire of his mission burns brighter than the sadness over what he has lost (besides, he would never bring limited edition/1st edition things outside his room so these things are replaceable) 

If Halloween rolls around, the kids will exclaim that they want to be [insert character] from TSL or another anime and Levi may shed tears of happiness right there and then

Will make it his side quest to make costumes for ALL the kids-- especially if they can’t afford their own and will encourage them to be whatever they want to be!!!

He’s literally leading an army of newly-created weebs/otakus that look up to him in the daycare and the power he has over these kids is so formidable some of his brothers are actually a little jealous HAHA

Satan

Acts casual about the whole thing and is actually casual about it

He hasn’t necessarily spent much time with kids, but he figures he’d be able to do it-- and he’d be right; considering how natural he is with people in general, I doubt kids would be much different, especially if he talks to them like adults and respects their opinions 

Is definitely the type of babysitter some of the kids end up having a little baby crush on, considering how charming and prince-like he can be with his gentle tone of voice 

Not that he’s perfect-- some kids are just brats and he does get angry at them but he only needed to snap once before the troublemakers all learned not to mess with him

Despite that, he would most likely be the ones to keep an eye on the troublemakers, because it may be a sign of a troubled home (not always, but… well, he would know best, wouldn’t he?) and he’d want to reach out to them if he can help them in any way

What he loves to do with the kids-- and you can probably guess-- is have Story Time!!

The kids are so excited to circle around him before naptime and listen to him read storybooks, doing voice overs and dramatic/animated readings; the kids are so intently listening and giggling at the funny parts

At first, he attempted to bring all his books over to the daycare, but he had to put some back when you tell him these kids are literally three and probably don’t have the reading comprehension required to read Quantum Physics-- so he provides picture books instead; anything he procured from the human world

Really encourages the kids to try their best to read and, if he has the time of day, tries to teach them basic things like the alphabet, how to spell out each words etc (you may call him…. Sensei) 

Adores their imagination too because he knows adults could hardly compare at times and he encourages them to make up their own stories and he’d help them write it down 

Uses a lot of tactic like these to encourage their education and their development-- he loves books and the impact they’ve made on him and he wants these kids to be able to experience the same things

Asmodeus

A little hesitant at first because kids can be super cute and great for pictures but… they can also be super gross and kind of mean; and he’s seen both ends of the spectrum so he’s not really sure what to expect

Then one of the kid compliments his hair clip shyly and shows their own similar hairclip and he’s sold because obviously they have the cutest kids in the world

Hair undone? He’s there

You wanna try out painting nails? Oh hun, he’s got you-- free make-overs for EVERYONE-- except maybe the infants, he doesn’t wanna ruin the natural baby smell and softness they have going for them

He wants to encourage ALL the kids to express themselves so he sometimes brings old clothes he doesn’t wear anymore so they have a fashion show/runways

ALWAYS encourages the kid to wear what they want because gender norms who???

If ANY and I mean ANY parent comes up to him and talk about him letting them wear non-gender conforming clothes he WILL go off on them because they are LITERALLY KIDS-- let them express themselves and have fun

Kinda grossed out by snot and diapers tho so you’re gonna have to help him with that; and since the universe knows that he hates getting dirty, he’s probably the brother most likely to get peed on while changing a diaper

You have to force him back into the daycare after that incident because he refuses to come out of the bathroom after changing into clean clothes 

But he is so captivating that the kids usually don’t cause trouble when he’s around, and also similarly to Levi, he talks and listens to them blabber while he’s doing their hair so it’s always pretty soothing 

Probably ends up in charge of the creativity hour and cooing over everyone’s art project, encouraging them to sprinkle as much glitter as they want, use as many colors as they want-- as long as it makes them happy! 

Beelzebub

Considering he’s the sweetest and physically the strongest, he’s actually pretty concerned about hurting them, and asks you to help him adjust to this new role so that the kids will be okay (you know he’ll be fine, but if saying yes to helping him will make him feel better, you say it)

Beel keeps to himself as a babysitter for the first few-- oh idk-- hours before some of the kids figure out how STRONG he is and he’s the best thing since sliced bread

The kids start to literally hang from him, testing how strong he really is, and are all delighted that he can hold all of them in and from his arms; he’s a little worried he’ll drop them, but since the kids are so excited about it, decides to lift them only a little high just to please them

Happily, he eventually gets used to knowing how to deal with them, and it helps that the kids are so polite to him

He’s the ultimate Big Brother figure to them, much to his surprise since he’s used to being the younger brother, and it makes him really soft inside that these kids actually look up to him and rely on him 

During free play, he has definitely carried at least six kids on his back when they play horsey and not break a sweat and throws the babies up in the air playfully (and carefully) and let them pretend they were flying

He’s their protector, making sure that they’re playing safely, even though he went a little too ham on the protection, grabbing a kid by the scruff of his collar because he was running and beel was afraid of him falling and scraping his knees

“It’s okay Beel, they can handle it--”

“Are you sure?? But they’re so tiny and fragile--” 

Changes diapers pretty handily after the first time; has definitely tried the baby formula and ate the entire bottle by accident before feeding a baby

Makes sure the kids are nice to each other, especially siblings, and that they eat; you tell the kids that if they eat their vegetables they’ll grow as strong as Beel, and that’s the FASTEST you’ve ever seen picky kids eat them in your LIFE

Belphegor

“Alright, nap time, everyone!”

“Belphie, they just arrived;;;”

Honestly just thought this entire thing was a hassle because kids in general take a lot of work and he just doesn’t want to put that sort of effort into something he didn’t sign up for

But since you’re there, he may as well try to be proficient enough to be well-liked enough to not cause a fuss and be able to babysit with you

He’s the type of babysitter who converses with the kids and pretends he doesn’t know something so the kid tries to teach him-- and honestly this give the kid a chance to be confident in their skills and also lets Belphie not do as much work to keep the conversation alive so win-win

As you can probably guess, is definitely in charge of enforcing nap time… by napping with the kids-- gotta learn by example right?

There are probably mats that the kids lie on but whenever Belphie lies in the middle of them, they all end up rolling and curling near his side; when he wakes up he’s always surrounded by a sea of kids and he’s so confused and he can’t move unless you wake up the kids for him 

The most efficient babysitter out of all of them because efficiency means less effort and time taken to change a diaper, clean up a spill, or wipe a kid’s nose 

Doesn’t understand why the kids keep wanting to interact with him but he’ll always indulge them in the end regardless of his nonchalant attitude

He actually finds a lot of them endearing when they talk about the things they like to do and about their daily life because it’s always interesting to learn about their perspective on things

When it’s creativity hour, the kids like asking him to doodle something on their paper (it can be a small chibi or caricature or just some animal) and it always makes them super happy; you watch him crack a smile as he sees the kids try to copy his drawing right next to it

If any of them are interested in stars, will gently show them the constellations in books and watch as they fascinate over them as he did before

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Ray Stantz

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

- You first met Ray when you were both still working at the University. You worked down the hall from him and would run into him frequently.

- In the mornings, the two of you would arrive at the same time and he’d open the door for you. You’d make small talk whenever you ended up in the same room or walking in the same direction and he was always willing to lend you something; or a hand, if you needed it. You didn’t know him incredibly well but you did know that he was a sweet guy.

- Ray had a major crush on you. He pretty much fell for you the moment he saw you but his own insecurities kept him from trying to do anything about it. You were smart, gorgeous, and had an amazing personality. What would you want with him?

- It takes him a while to actually ask you out. He keeps going back and forth on whether or not he should, wondering if he’s willing to make a fool of himself just for the off chance that you’ll agree. Peter has a field day with him when he’s in this state, constantly teasing and prodding, urging him to just get it over with and see what you say.

- There was definitely a few instances of him approaching you and/or opening his mouth to say something to you, then quickly shutting it and excusing himself with an apology. It takes him nearly a year to actually go through with it.

- You were just leaving the building and preparing for your walk home when he caught up with you and somewhat shyly asked if you would like to have dinner with him sometime. To his utter shock, you smiled and agreed, and the two of you made plans to meet.

- The two of you went out to a not so fancy restaurant which was perfect for the occasion. He felt like he was walking on clouds the entire night; here he was, with you, and you actually seemed to like him. What were the odds that you would actually like him?

- But regardless of his disbelief over how lucky he was, the two of you had a really great time together and you were happy to see him again the next day at the university.

- The two of you shared your first kiss on your third date. He was walking you home and you were both stood in front of your door, saying goodbye. You were just about to walk inside when you paused, turning around and placing a gentle kiss on his lips before saying goodnight again and closing your door.

- He was frozen in shock for a good minute and a half but you should have seen the smile on his face.

- It wasn’t long before the two of you considered yourselves a couple, and he couldn’t have been happier.

- Ray is a big sweetheart and you can’t convince me otherwise, though I doubt you would even try. You’ll never meet another man who treats you so right.

- He loves Pda, especially when people recognize him in public. He feels particularly cool with you hanging on his arm.

- Quick giddy kisses. 

- He keeps his hand on your lower back whenever you’re standing together, it’s just a habit of his. 

- He likes using nicknames; he thinks they’re cute. He usually just calls you things like honey, sweetheart, and beautiful; he’s somewhat old fashioned in that regard. He wouldn’t even mind you calling him pet names. In fact, he’d probably love it. 

- He’s a strong boy and proud of it! Ask him to hold something! Ask him to open a pickle jar! Ask him to carry you! He’s got it covered! …Although, occasionally he wont be able to open the pickle jar and you might actually show him up when trying it again for yourself. 

- Cheek kisses. He wraps an arm around your neck and pulls you in, pressing his lips to your cheek enthusiastically and smiling down at you.

- Stealing his sweaters. They’re big and cozy and he melts every time he sees you wearing them.

- Takeout meals. You order in or pick something up at least once a week.

- He’s not afraid to make a fool out of himself so the two of you always have a great time together, filled with jokes and stupid/ridiculous behavior. He loves being able to make you laugh. 

- Cuddling? Sign him the fuck up! No matter what you’re doing, he’ll find a way to squeeze himself beside you and wrap himself around you in some way. Whenever you’re going to bed, you’ll rest your head on his chest with his arms wrapped around you; …or you’ll just be laying almost completely on top of him. 

- A lot of your dates are going to be interrupted, it just sort of comes with the territory. When something strange is in the neighborhood, he’s the one being called so you just have to be patient and understanding. He always makes it up to you anyway.

- Occasionally, he’ll stop and pick up flowers or a movie you’ve been wanting to see from the rental place on his way home. He likes surprising you with something nice, especially if he was called away when you were supposed to spend time together.

- Becoming close with Egon, Winston and Peter. You see them constantly so it’s sort of hard not to.

- Sticking by his side and cheering him up when the Ghostbusters aren’t too popular anymore. 

- You may or may not be a partial owner of the bookshop. As much as he loves being a Ghostbuster, he can’t deny that he likes running the place with you. 

- He’s always there if you need someone to get you something or somewhere. He’s particularly good at pushing through crowds and coming up with things to say that will make it easier for you to do what you have to do. He also just doesn’t take no for an answer so, ya know. 

- He’s a total pushover when it comes to you. You can always convince him to do something for you.

- Ray looks like he knows how to fix things. He looks and acts like a man I could trust with my things. If my car broke down, his smiling face would be the one I would ask to help me. So, if you need anything fixed around your house, all you have to do is ask. 

- Little traditions. Things like watching a specific show after dinner, going to a certain place every weekend or eating certain things on certain days. 

- He loves hugs, they’re pretty much his favorite thing in the entire world.

- Random playful harassment. He kind of likes to tease you, jokingly making fun of and tickling you. He thinks the way you react is cute and it’s usually after you do or say something to him so technically it’s revenge. 

- Now, I’m not saying that Ray owns action figures or other toys of that nature, but Ray would definitely be the type to own them.... You may or may not have a little shelf full of figures when you move in together. 

- He’s a big fan of going to zoos. You practically know the animals at your local zoo by name from how many times you go to see them. 

- Carnival and amusement park dates. 

- He gets this dopey smile on his face whenever you try to give him a massage or dote on him in anyway. He’s just so overjoyed that you actually like him and care about his wellbeing. He also just loves the feeling of your hands. 

- Ray sort of craves domesticity. Seeing you wearing one of his shirts and cooking breakfast or being there to welcome him home after work or surprising him by doing some chores would literally make him melt. He’s a centimeter away from proposing to you on the spot.

- The two of you are pretty much the epitome of two best friends dating. You have the time of your lives together and are always completely comfortable and happy in each others presences. 

- Walking around New York together. You wind up just wandering around the city a lot, occasionally stopping for food or drinks or whatever comes to mind when you pass a store. 

- He isn’t the most sensitive person to talk to when you’re upset or scared about something but he apologizes when he goes off on a tangent or says the wrong thing. Don’t blame him too much, he’s got a skewed view of what’s considered a problem rather than a good scientific discovery. 

- Ray gets easily excited about a lot of things, he’s sort of like a puppy at times so even though you might not be so amused with a situation, he’ll be incredibly happy. Whenever he notices that you aren’t thrilled, he’ll usually just give you a sheepish smile and a “sorry honey”. 

- Having him randomly show up and borderline embarrass you when something big is found out. Just picture the restaurant scene from the second movie.

- Visiting him at the office. 

- Letting him gush to you about the paranormal and supernatural. 

- Helping him with his research, experiments, and invention. He loves having you around and hearing your input.  

- He’s definitely named something after you, whether it be a theory, project or machine he’s created. It’s cute, in a geeky sort of way. 

- Be prepared to get scared and not just by ghosts. Sometimes Ray will just pop into view out of nowhere, excitedly talking about something he just saw and scaring the living daylights out of you. He doesn’t understand why you’re looking at him like that, did he do something wrong? 

- He works with all things supernatural and paranormal; he’s seen a lot over the years and because of that, he’s gradually gotten more and more protective of you over time. Wouldn’t you if you knew that evil slime once ran wild underneath your girlfriends apartment? 

- He gets particularly miffed when jealous, not livid or angry just …miffed. You know he’s not upset with you but you can tell that something is bothering him. Occasionally, you won’t even have to figure out what because he’ll insult whoever he’s jealous of like he’s talking about the weather. 

- The two of you don’t really fight all too often, you rarely have a reason too, even though your lives are incredibly hectic most of the time. He doesn’t really have one certain way of responding when he’s angry, everything depend on the situation. One day, you’ll bicker, the next, you’ll yell.

- He always feels bad whenever he snaps at you. Almost immediately after he storms out, he’ll get this pang of guilt in his chest and debate on whether or not he should just walk back in and apologize. He usually doesn’t right then; wanting to give you time to yourself, but does come back not very long after and apologizes, admitting he was wrong if he was and asking if things are alright between the two of you.

- He’s always happy to say he loves you, and gosh does he love hearing you say it.

- Your family probably loves him. He’s a guy that’s easy to get along with …and he’s a ghostbuster so he’s got that going for him.

- Ray is sooo ready to have kids and settle down with you, he’s just waiting until he’s in a more stable work environment. He doesn’t need any ghosties lurking in your kids nursery, even if he’s the most equipped to get rid of them.

[prose-for-hire]

Puppy love

Pairing: Spike x reader

Request: idea! willow practicing her magic skills by trying to grow a plant instantly. spike mocks her then willow calls him a bitch & he somehow turns into a dog & freaks. then reader finds puppy!spike stuck in some fence near the graveyard & takes him in & cares for him & rambles about their life/interests cuz now they have fluffy friend! then wakes up to see regular spike on the dog bed & freaks. Maybe later they go back to graveyard looking for pup & spike saves from attack & heals them @ his crypt?

AN: I changed the start a little from the original request, hope that’s okay. Right, so, I was in a full on debate with myself about what breed of puppy Spike should be transformed into. I chose a lil black lab cos they’re cute

Also, there is now a teeny tiny second part to this

Xander and Willow were supposed to be having a double date with Oz and Cordelia, but they had met first to try a de-lusting spell as they had been cheating on their respective partners. You had no knowledge of this, you didn’t usually get tangled in the drama like the rest of them, although they were all your friends.

Little did anyone know that Spike had rolled into town in a drunken stupor, overhearing Willow’s conversation at the Magic Box about her upcoming spell. He figured where he could find them and planned to force her to make a love spell so that he could make Drusilla love him again. He was desperately lonely, a broken heart that couldn’t be healed as Drusilla had cheated on him.

Willow was focusing, closing her eyes and trying to make sure her focus was on magic and nothing else. But when the door swung open, it sent Willow into a panic and when she saw that it was Spike storming in demanding a love potion, she couldn’t help but shout what she was feeling.

Son-of-a “Bitch!” was all that Willow shouted out loud, having been interrupted by Spike sending the magic she had started to manifest straight for him. She moved to look at him as she said it, her magic working in such mysterious and sometimes literal ways. It backfired and Willow’s eyes widened, after a black Labrador puppy appeared from behind a cloud of smoke where Spike had been stood before.

She opened her mouth to say something but only a giggle escaped her lips. The puppy growled at her, scampers off. He made it as far as a graveyard before he spoke to himself in confusion, having seen his reflection in a puddle.

“Woof!” Bloody hell! I’m a sodding puppy! I’m gonna kill that good for nothing little witch when I-

He started to scamper away from his reflection, but he was cut off from his non-verbal little rant, as he was running towards a crypt for shelter and got caught on the fencing. The wiring was caught, digging into his flesh slightly. He let out an angry little growl and started to struggle but with no luck.

At this very moment, you were ambling through the graveyard and you happened upon a little puppy who had been tangled up in the wiring. You gasped, he was the cutes little pup with the brightest blue eyes. They were almost human and he was so small, with a loud voice despite the size. You melted, rushing straight over to him and trying to comfort him. He snapped at you, but you loved animals, understanding he was probably a little stressed. You manage to untangle him and start to check his wounds – they are scratches but you decide you’ll have to try and keep an eye on him and take him home. You were so excited to find a little furry friend, despite his apparent grumpy temperament. You carried him home, whispering softly as you did.

“Come in little one, welcome to your new home” You smile, snuggling into him and kissing the top of his head. He snaps at you and you move him from your head, stroking him and whispering that you understood. Instead you showed him around your small house - he must have been through a lot so you would work up to kisses and snuggles.

You fed him and made sure he wasn’t more hurt than you thought and then decided he should have a name. All you could come up with was ‘pup’ for now. You made a small nest of blankets in the corner of your room, so that he had somewhere to sleep. However, when it got to bedtime after the pup exploring the house for most of the evening, he refused to settle. He just kept scampering back up to sleep in your bed. No matter how many times you scooped him up, he returned to the same spot.

“No, you have a little nest here!” You explain, lifting him again and nestling him on top of the blankets on the floor, “Pup, no!” you try to half-heartedly scold him, but his little face made it too hard.

“Woof” No bloody way am I sleeping on the floor like some animal – why don’t you sleep on the floor you bloody-

“Aw, you little sweetheart! Are you talking to me? Are you?” You whisper, stroking his soft fur adoringly.

“Woof woof” I will kill you and your little friends and if you – oh, that actually feels nice – no, you bloody don’t trick me into – behind the ears, love – that’s it

“You like that, huh? A little scratch behind the ears? I think we’re gonna be good friends little one” You grinned as he started to finally relax in your presence. You paused, deciding you would have to give in and let him sleep here just this once.

“Woof” Don’t stop! What are you doing you strange bitch-

“Okay, you’ve twisted my arm – you can sleep on the bed, but you can’t hog the covers” You joked, dogs can’t steal covers, you giggle. The pup moved his head to the side, almost as if he was studying you closely. His eyes seemed human, he was such a little sweetheart your heart was melting. You were so pleased you had found him. You settled in bed and the pup curled up beside you.

You stayed up that first night, excitedly checking on your new friend, making sure you hadn’t dreamt him up. He didn’t appear to be too bothered about the little grazes from the fencing but you wondered whether you should take him to the vets. You considered checking if he was chipped, or getting him chipped, but something inside told you he might not handle that too well. Maybe a hunch.

It had been a week and the pup was getting more used to you. Your little furry friend could be a little bit of a grouch but you always won him around with snuggles and scratches behind the ear. He was very talkative, little yips as if he was telling you something very important, and he seemingly liked the affection you were giving him.

You continue over the next few weeks to curl up with the pup in the evenings and ramble about anything and everything that came to mind. Sometimes, you could swear pup was actually listening.

“Sometimes I get a little lonely, the Scoobies are all so nice but they’re all coupled up and I feel a little left behind. Is there something wrong with me, pup? Where’s my big romantic story?”

“Woof” Nothing wrong with you pet, except maybe you’re a little too trusting letting a beast like this into the house and expecting to remain unscathed

“Stop, little one! That tickles!” You giggle as his tiny teeth start to playfully snap at your hand. He settled back down, and you continued to speak, “At times, I feel like I’m making things worse instead of helping with the slaying. I made Buffy let Spike go the last time he was here. He seemed to mean well, getting rid of Angelus and all. Everyone thinks I trust too easily – see the good even when there’s none there. I feel stupid, like a child”

“Woof woof” Rot! You’re not stupid! Bloody seen enough of your lot to see that you’re the best of them, pet

“Willow says Spike came back the other week, but he disappeared. His eyes looked so sad when I saw him come back. I wish he had love like him and Drusilla had…” you sigh again, stroking the pup softly as you were in deep thought.

“Woof. Woof. Woof!” Mad bloody bint doesn’t love me – she sodding cheated! Don’t get me started, I mean – a chaos demon?! You don’t want love like that, believe me pet

“Aw someone’s chatty! I know, I know I have you. My favourite little man” You cooed and this time, the cute little pup didn’t grumble like he usually would, instead he leaned his head onto your lap. Snuggling you without prompt.

Over the next couple of weeks, the pup had slowly started to sleep closer to you, as if he were seeking to protect you which made you giggle. He was so small, he was all bark and no bite. He snuggled up nearer you in the night, enjoying your body heat. You both got used to each other, sometimes you swore he was actually speaking to you. You both enjoyed snuggling up in the evenings, and you showed pup all of your favourite shows. You took him on little walks although he still hadn’t mastered fetch.

You were becoming used to each other, until one morning everything was different. You woke up one morning, a strange weight over you, finding a man lying in your bed. No, not a man. A vampire. You scream, looking around wildly for the pup – he made you feel safer. Your screaming made him stir, “How did you even get in?!” you shrieked, moving away from him. Spike realised he’s back to himself and started to run, pulling your duvet from your bed and around him and out the door.

Spike had a weird affection for you after this, feeling like he really knows you. Gets you. He shared your loneliness, wanting to take it from you as you had started to make him feel better. From what you said to him, he felt that he understood you, you’re a romantic. Like him. You’re loyal. He found himself having an innate need to protect you. Look out for you. Wants to hold you and be held by you again. He missed it more than he found himself missing Drusilla.

You were lonely without pup. His little blue eyes would be all mopey and lost again. You needed to find him, you just hoped that he hadn’t been eaten by one of Sunnydale’s many predators.

You walk into the graveyard, looking for pup. You hadn’t lost hop in finding him. He was so innocent, you were worried he was stuck again. Spike had decided to stay in Sunnydale rather than going after Dru. He watched you walk into the graveyard, sighing, rolling his eyes at how oblivious you are. Just taking a stroll when anything could be hiding in the shadows. He swiftly stepped out of the shadows to tell you this, but another demon beat him to it.

You squeal, stumbling and falling backwards as Spike swiftly steps in front of you and beats it up, protecting you from the threat. There was a strange familiarity and need to hug Spike as a thank you, maybe even scratch him behind the ears.

“Come on, pet, I’ve got some of those candies you like” He offered, gesturing towards an abandoned crypt with no explanation. Gestures his head again for you to follow him as you just stare dumbfounded. You feel conflicted, like he was offering you candy to get into a van. But you followed him, trusting his intentions. Knowing, somehow, that he was being sincere. His demeanour towards you appeared to change since he was in Sunnydale last. He almost appeared to have affection for you and you couldn’t help feeling something for him although you couldn’t name it.

“Why are you being nice, Spike?” You ask after he hands you your favourite snacks that he appeared to have actually bought from a shop. There was a receipt and everything in the bag. You were now both sat in a crypt that he had appeared to have done up to look like a house.

“I was the pup you were dotin’ on oh so kindly. Red’s spell gone wrong” he explained with a shrug. You cringe a little, you had poured your heart out over that month or so you were together.

“Oh, uh, you want me to pay you to… stop you from telling people? You’re gonna eat me, aren’t you?” You asked, sighing rather than screaming this time.

“Nothing like that, pet… uh, you give good hugs” he admits with a shrug. You nod slowly as if this made sense. He was missing the affection, being held. He enjoyed it and he wanted it again. Only with you, though.

You’re very trusting and he knew he could talk to you. He started to talk about his most intimate feelings, telling you of his loneliness. Heartbreak. He told you in detail, everything that happened with Drusilla. You were sat, hanging on every word for most of the night. Your eyes started to water, your sobs strangled as you tried not to cry in front of him. You move in to hug him and to your surprise, he wrapped his arms around you in return. His own eyes threatening to spill over as he thought about his past that he had just laid before you so honestly. It was strange, he wasn’t used to being so honest about his past – but it was only fair. You had told him a lot about yourself.

Not willing to leave the warmth of each other’s embrace, you followed him and slipped into bed beside him. You both held each other through the rest of the night and well into the day. You snuggle into each other wordlessly. It became a common occurrence, with Spike staying with you in Sunnydale rather than returning to look for Drusilla. He doesn’t even joke about biting you, that often, he just wants the security of your arms, as you want his.

[ressyfaerie]

OKAY YALL. 

I haven’t been paying attention at all. 

Do you want to be really angry,

Like really, really angry? 

I’m putting this in a read more since there’s going to be a LOT and it may start a FIRE.

It was a lonely snowy night in the north of British Columbia Canada.

Just kidding.

For real though- I had no internet! We could only watch TV on satellite (the only anime I watched was on YTV). If it snowed in the winter we had to go outside and brush the snow off the satellite to continue watching Beyblade or Inuyasha. 

So I was 5-6 when I first started watching Beyblade. Of course I LOVED IT. I would rush home to try to watch it everyday. Beyblade has just airing and it was a HIT. I watched season 1 religiously, I actually don’t remember watching much of V-force or G-rev but that’s probably because it wasn’t made yet lmao. 

I grew up in a small town, whatever you’re imagining, imagine it smaller. (I could write a whole essay on the social hierarchy of Port Ed in the early 2000s but I’ll keep it short for now) White kids= rich/ pretentious, Native kids=poor. I didn’t like the attitude of most of the white girls, so I mostly made friends with the native kids (I miss yall btw) but anyways, this is where you’re going to get angry.

So I didn’t know what Japanese WAS. Like I knew what Chinese was (Small town surrounded by racists? Who would have guessed?) I don’t even think I knew Japanese existed, but any other anime I watched (Sailor moon, Inuyasha, Gundam Wing) most of the characters were white representing or had extremely light skin tones.

So what the heck was 5 year old me supposed to do with beyblade? Which was a show filled with lots of different ethnicities? 5 year old me was obsessed with beyblade, tearing apart every episode I saw, so I gathered: Max=American, Ray=Chinese, Kai=Russian (Because that’s what matched with all their championships, makes sense to a kid right?)

But what WAS Japanese? I dunno? But you know who Tyson looked like? 

My chubby native friends.

THAT’S RIGHT

YALL ARE DEBATING BIRACIAL KAI

LITTLE ME THOUGHT TYSON WAS NATIVE FOR YEEEAAAARRRSSSSS.

I’m laughing as I write this, when I learned Japan was indeed a real place, it didn’t dawn on me immediately. It still took finding beyblade online when I was like 11, re-watching it and being like ‘huh’. (Note: Remember when beyblade was on youtube but each episode was like 4 parts? Good times.) 

So, on the topic of Kai.

First of all, I need to point something out that I deem obvious, but must be said. 

Beyblade (As well as many other shows from long ago (Yugioh, Naruto, Inuyasha, and Sailor moon come to mind), a lot of us latched on to these shows so hard because of trauma or lonely childhoods. Which means a lot of us find our connections to these shows or characters very personal, which is why it’s hard to break headcannons. It’s more than a fandom for us, and any of us who feel this way, are risking their comfort show to involve themselves in the fandom (This is why I believe a lot of beyblade fans don’t interact with fandom, and I go out of my way to warmly welcome all whenever I can)

It needs to be said, that you owe no explanation to anyone, and neither do I, nor do I apologize for my headcannons.  

With this being said, I knew eventually the fandom would blow up (as it has many times, over the idea of biracial Kai/ Kai with Russian ancestry/ Japanese Kai), now that it has hit so close to home, I feel the need to validate my decision to make Kai biracial in my two long main fics. However, it needs to be stated, I am not doing this to validate myself, but because I simply want to talk about it, I’m not explaining, or apologizing, simply stating some facts, and how I feel. 

For a lot of us, these characters are so personal and we’ve kept them for so long that they’re verging on OC’s, this is NOT YOUR JOB to point out! Although I believe my Kai is very close to canon, there’s many things that aren’t, regardless, myself and many others, still belong to the fandom. 

Back to my childhood:

FINALLY DIAL-UP INTERNET!

The first thing I did when I learned how to read and had private access to internet was google ‘Kai Beyblade’, if you asked, I probably would have said a child’s equivalent to ‘“fuck you that’s why”. 

I learned his last name was Hiwatari, and man, I thought that was SO COOL. But that wasn’t a Russian name was it? I dived further, I don’t think the beyblade wiki even existed at this point, I think I was reading everything off of wikipedia. What I read was: Kai’s father was Russian and his mother was Japanese. I didn’t think too much of it, I mean, it made sense. It would explain Voltaire’s connection to Russia. Later on I realised it made more sense for Kai’s mother to be Russian since the Hiwatari name is Japanese and would most likely come from his grandfather, and for some reason, I was convinced Susumu was Voltaire’s son. The idea of Voltaire marrying his son off to some Russian heiress made so much sense to me. I never read fics, my ideas were definitely influenced by wiki edits, I had no reason to doubt it, or think any differently, I think a lot of people followed the same footsteps. It’s interesting to think that’s how headcanons became universal back in the day. 

I learned the manga existed after a trip to Metrotown Vancouver where I bought every volume they had (3 lmao) (I still haven’t read every volume, and will when I can afford them). 

I just always assumed Kai was biracial, IT JUST MADE SENSE. Kai’s family’s deep ties to Russia, the reason why he knew Russian (regardless of the Abbey), his figure compared to Tyson’s in season 1, I had no reason to doubt it, and it seemed the Dub side of the internet agreed! 

When I wrote my fanfics at 18-19, 5 (years ago now, wow), I still assumed Kai was biracial. Only recently have I dived into the fandom and got into every side (Sub, Dub, Manga). I learned there’s 3 things Dub/Sub/Manga people will instantly fight over: Kai’s race, character’s names, and their ages. 

The reason these three things are so debated is because of the dramatically different storylines/ differences in language versions. The Dub and Sub are two completely different shows when played side by side. I am most familiar with the Dub, as it stays close to my heart, which influences most of my headcanons.

I still headcanon Kai as biracial. We actually don’t know much about his parents, and canon is very loosey goosey. We’re learning more in Rising, but I highly doubt Takao Aoki is going to be like “AND THEN KAI’S MOM WENT TO VISIT HER RUSSIAN FAMILY IS RUSSIA BECAUSE SHE IS RUSSIAN” I’m not going to go into super detail why I think it’s likely that Kai is biracial, but you know what? It doesn’t really matter. This fandom is old, and being from the early 2000’s that means the dub is much different, which means there are MULTIPLE versions of canons. I guarantee you, in every version there is something problematic, and one of the least important ones, is whether or not the fandom white-washes Kai by making him biracial (Maybe full Russia could be an issue, but you know what? Does it really matter?). You know what DOES MATTER. What they did to Eddy, they did that boy dirty. 

I mean they LITERALLY white-washed him. LIKE. 

Also changing Tyson/ Takao’s skin tone in G-rev/ V-force will forever annoy me; that might be an asian skin whitening thing though, still, problematic.

But anyways, in the end I’m sure the reason why the English fandom so frequently headcanons Kai as biracial is not because of white-washing, but because of the time the Dub was created. 

The early 2000’s was an interesting time. Some towns were still stuck in the 90’s, lots of kids had no access to the internet, and when they finally DID, they did not use it wisely. Misinformation was spread easily. Not many people in America read the manga, and very few people watched the Sub.

People like me, young and old, filled in the gaps that were missing.

It’s been 20 YEARS GUYS. A lot has changed. Headcanons that aren’t problematic will stick. As long as it’s not hurting anybody, or anyone else, it’s really not a bad thing. 

Our main focus should be to keep the fandom going! We can’t die, we’ve been together too long to die and I refuse to let it happen, where will I get my serotonin from?? 

Here’s a pic of my love to end it off:

Dumb idiot loser fuckin smiles fucking lunatic.

[luki-fanfic]

Helluva Boss 5: The Harvest Moon Festival

Huh, Helluva Boss usually drops by mid month. Wonder why this episode is taking so long to put toget-

*Episode airs*

0_0

Oh. That’s why.

I’ll admit it, my interest in HB was waning. Episode 3 and 4 honestly didn’t do much to keep me interested. Spring Broken had a lot of plot and writing issues, and I felt the concept could have been better executed. C.H.E.R.U.B was more solid, but did have some issues, and just wasn’t that fun to watch.

Harvest Moon on the other hand? Oh boy, now there’s an episode. I am, if you’ll pardon the pun, back on this horse. World building, the action scenes, incredible animation, relationship development of the bad kind, more worlds, interesting characters! It gives us so much to work with.

Spoilers abound, so read carefully.

That said, I will start this with my biggest complaint – and it’s one I’ve had for several episodes, but this one really rammed it home due to the ‘sneak peak’ clip we had of the opening. In the black and white boards, the swearing was limited, and honestly the writing was pretty witty. Then we got the finished product – certain lines were missing, and several words had been replaced with random swearing. Considering what the scene was, it felt like the finished product was a step down – I really wish the scriptwriters would realise random swearing isn’t always funny, and they’ve given proof that their writing is snappy as is.

Anyway...onto the actual episode. We learn that I.M.P seems to be building up their business as Blitzø has 15 clients looking for a kill. Considering he had to do a sale to get a multiple kill, and the other episodes show him basically going out straight after getting the job, they’re clearly building up a name for themselves.

This is further shown with the arrival of Striker, who compliments his decision to go into business for himself, since most Imps don’t. This is new information, since we’ve seen Wally attempt to start his own business – although clearly it wasn’t going well – but if Striker is to be believed, most companies in Hell, even Imp City, don’t have Imps as the owners. Maybe it’s a financial capital thing, maybe it’s partially Hell’s racism, or maybe Imps just generally prefer to follow, which Striker seems to allude later. It’s hard to say with the information we’ve got at this point, but it does put I.M.P in a slightly different light – and probably explains why Blitzø is fairly incompetent when it comes to running the whole thing. He has literally no one to ask or use as an example, and the society he lives in generally assumes he’s going to fail by the nature of him being an Imp.

In fact, even though Blitzø owns I.M.P, he is still completely dependent on Stolas and his Grimoire. Without it, I.M.P is screwed – the reason they’re even at the Harvest Festival is because they can’t work. And that’s what Striker tells him in the final act. Their society has made sure that he can never truly be successful on his own merit, no matter how hard he tries.

I’ve seen some debate on whether what Striker told Blitzø was true or just an attempt to let his guard down. It’s hard to say, because Striker says and does some very conflicting things, but I’m going to believe it was genuine. Why?

He lets Millie and Moxxie live to have leverage over him. He does insult Blitzø to their faces, but why would he need leverage once his job was done?

When Moxxie learns the truth, he doesn’t even try to talk him round, just kill him. Millie is also tossed to the side – possibly because neither of them are ‘superior.' Blitzø gets a full on speech about their superiority and how much he respects him, even if he’s hiding a knife in his tail for if he can’t talk him round.

When he has Blitzø on the ground at his mercy, he doesn’t mock him. Instead, he tells him he genuinely thought they’d be a good team. He had the advantage, but doesn’t take the chance to continue the insult.

Like most Imps, Striker seems to dislike the demon royalty, but at the end of the day, is also working for one (and can I say that twist was brilliantly well done? It made SO much sense but I honestly didn’t see it coming). What is his end goal? Is he envious that Blitzø has some kind of power of Stolas while he has to be obedient? Is he aiming to kill Stella once Stolas is down? Maybe opening an assassination business to take out anything Overlord and above? We just don’t know.

And with that, we’ll step off this train of thought to speak about something else very important in this episode. Stolas. Specifically his relationship with Blitzø, and precisely how wrong it is.

I admit it, I future-shipped them, especially thanks to the Instagram (which become a bit of a bait and switch when the insta-accounts were declared ‘non-canon’). I acknowledged that the relationship was problematic and needed some serious work on both sides before it could really be a functioning relationship, but this episode hammered home exactly how much needs to happen in a way the other episodes didn’t. The pilot and Murder Family treated Stolas as a gag, and then Loo Loo Land made us all care about him and his actions. But Harvest Moon showed the other side of it, and I'm not sure the ship can realistically recover.

Stolas considers Imps as inferior, to a ridiculous degree, and Blitzø is no exception. He has absolutely no respect for Blitzø, and holds all the power in the relationship. We saw this a little in the previous episodes, but they were either alone, or Blitzø was working for him, and surrounded by people aware of the relationship. His actions could be somewhat explained away.

In Harvest Moon, Stolas proves he treats Blitzø this way even in public. Blitzø has very obvious issues regarding his name, so Stolas persistently using a nickname and treating him the way he does around people who aren’t aware, says a lot about how much Stolas doesn’t care about Blitzø’s opinions. Even if Blitzø does have some feelings for him – which I do suspect due to his panicked attempt to explain it as transactional. If he didn’t care, he would probably find it easier to explain. At the same time though, he’d be happier if he could get the book without the monthly visits, because what he has with Stolas isn’t a relationship, no matter what Stolas tries to pretend. Any feelings Blitzø develops puts him even further under his control.

Part of me wonders if the relationship evolved between the pilot and the first episode in planning, and that’s why we have such a disconnect between the Insta relationship and the canon one. I’m really hoping the series addresses it in the future.

Finally, lets talk about that final reveal. Stella has hired a hitman to kill Stolas – even armed him with two angel-tech guns.

(Which, also finally gives us confirmation that Imps/Hellhounds/Succubi can die from conventional weapons, but the higher ranked native demons need angel weaponry to off them).

Stella is also confident enough to scream it over the dinner table. Stolas either doesn’t care, or isn’t paying attention – if he doesn’t care, if definitely puts his motives regarding the original invite up in the air, but if he isn’t paying attention? Then it’s another point in the anti-Stolas tab.

That said, this scenario does ask a question. Why don’t these two divorce? Stolas is clearly not in love any more, and living together clearly isn’t doing Octavia’s mental health any favours if she’s literally hiding behind her music rather than interact with her parents. He should be the first to offer a divorce, but he hasn’t brought it up. And if he hasn’t, maybe the reason Stella hasn’t is because they can’t?

It’s generally assumed that the two of them have an arranged marriage, and that Stella’s anger at his relationship with Blitzø is due to his status more than the cheating. But then wouldn’t it make more sense to hire a hitman to kill Blitzø rather than Stolas? Choosing to kill Stolas, even if it would hurt Octavia, suggests it’s the only option left to her.

I’m guessing we’ll (finally) get some Stella development next time Striker appears, and get an idea of what makes her tick. But for now, I suspect the two of them regularly had lovers on the side, but kept it discreet until this point. Stolas refusing to keep his relationship with Blitzø quiet is causing untold damage to their name and status. Stella wants rid of a man who not only doesn’t love her (if he ever did), but is constantly humiliating her for not hiding his much lower class lover (which we know by this episode he doesn’t even attempt), and since the rules of Hell for demons of their status doesn’t allow divorce (or perhaps their arrangement doesn’t), assassination it is.

Hell, maybe the plan was to kill Stolas, and frame Blitzø for it. Striker clearly knew about their relationship before they met (which should have been a red flag now that I thing about it), so Stella probably mentioned him. It would also put the recruiting on another level, if Striker actually did get Blitzø involved at the final moment and teamed up.

Oh, and as a final amendment? If that angel-gun that Striker left behind is not now in the hands of I.M.P and becomes a key piece when Asmodeus, Mammon and the real Fizzarolli show up? I will be very disappointed.

[writing-is-my-guilty-pleasure]

Meeting and falling in love with Portia, Muriel and Lucio || Slight Modern! AU

A/N: Second part!! Nobody really asked for this but it didn’t feel right to not write about these other three. Also sorry this took so long I’ve been at work and on holiday (social distancing safely tho!) and also am preparing for Univeristy :)

Part 1

Main Masterlist

The Arcana Masterlist

Portia

You two first met out in town - you ran into each other on a market day; she was buying things for Nadia and you were merely perusing the various stalls

You literally ran into each other though

You straight up knocked the bags of various items out of her arms - it was incredibly embarrassing for the both of you

You obviously apologised immediately, the both of you trying desperately to gather up Portia’s things without attracting a crowd

It isn’t until the two of you stand up that you get a good look of each other - you recognise her from that one fancy dinner you went to that Nadia held (Asra made you go)

You offer to help her find the rest of the items Nadia needs, and you spend another hour browsing the stalls and talking about everything and nothing

The two of you end up running into each other at the market enough times for y’all to exchange numbers and make the friendship official - when you eventually met Julian he took a liking to you right away which you took as a definite good sign

You’d been friends for a couple of months and you started to pick up on her little habits, and you started to notice her more; like the small efforts she made when you’d go out or the effort she went to as to make sure all of her friends met and loved you

You introduced her to Asra, and Portia became obsessed with everything in your shop, and she went through a phase where all she wanted to do was spend time at your home, and could somehow look at all the items in your shop for hours on end

You’d always had a strong friendship, but soon enough your feelings towards her started to change as you spent more time together

Portia was surprisingly forwards with her intentions and affections – as soon as you started to show more affection towards her or she caught you staring one too many times, she caught on pretty quickly to your real feelings

Which was kind of lucky because you’d been caught up in an inner debate of whether or not she actually felt the same or if you were reading all the signs wrong, so it would have been a while before you actually got the courage to ask her out

So she took pity on you and just casually asked

“Hey Y/N, wanna go on a date tomorrow night?”

You absolutely choked on whatever food or drink you were having

“A…a date?”

“Yeah, you and me, going on a date like partners do.”

“O-Oh…oh, yeah, definitely, I would very much like to do that please”

It wasn’t anything extravagant, but Portia lit up her garden with an insane amount of candles for a candle-lit dinner and honestly you couldn’t have asked for anything more

Muriel

Muriel was intriguing from the start.

You’d heard Asra mention someone with his name a few times, but it never really stuck in your mind for very long; you told yourself that it was because you didn’t have a face to stick with the name.

The first time you saw Muriel was in the shadows outside Asra’s shop – an immediate red flag in your mind (you later told this to Muriel and he was mortified that the thought of him hurting you had ever crossed your mind. It was just like you forgot about it every time you ran into him.

It was strange looking back on the several other interactions you had with Muriel before you really got to know him; you found it odd that you kept forgetting to mention him to Asra – I mean, Muriel wasn’t exactly easy to miss being around six foot, and about ten inches. He’s a giant of a man, seriously.

The first time you properly ran into him, it was really thanks to Inanna – she’d turned up at the shop, most likely looking for Asra so that he could help.

You opened the door expecting to find a body, or someone in desperate need of help; there were bloodstains on the shop door, but you were surprised and slightly (very) scared to see a large, black wolf hiding in the shadows. Well, the first thing you saw were her eyes, large and gleaming in the small amount of light that was in the shop.

When you finally regained enough courage to move and calm down, you cautiously asked it if it needs help, then immediately questioned why you had just asked an animal a real question

You (somewhat lamely) offered to help instead as Asra was currently away.

Next thing you knew, you had followed an unknown wolf into the nearby forest, and after what felt like hours you finally reached the end goal – which happened to be the largest man you’d ever see

And, bonus! He was also covered in blood :)

Muriel was not grateful at all when it came to your offer of help – he seemed to already know who you were, yet still didn’t want to accept your help.

Even though he insisted on cleaning his wound himself, you manage to convince him to let you help him tidy it up and do one last check over.

From there, Asra eventually caught up with the two of you and realised pretty quickly that Muriel was begrudgingly curious about you, and that he liked you but absolutely was not showing it

You bought him a scarf from the marketplace – he didn’t understand why he deserved good things and you made it your mission to shower him with compliments and nice things

Overtime you just became more and more infatuated with him, and slowly encouraged him to come out of his shell around you

When you kissed him, he was so stunned that you thought for a horribly long second that you had misread all the signs and that you’d ruined your friendship, but he was just confused as to what the hell had just happened

He was like ‘….Iwouldn’tmindifyoudiditagain’ so fast you had to ask him to repeat it, but you were so happy and relieved beyond belief to hear it a bit slower and realise that he felt the same way

Basically he is your soft boi who you adore and would kill anyone who hurts him :)

Lucio

You met him after leaving Nadia’s house one night after dinner

Him being her ex, he was trying to sneak into the house to get the rest of his things without Nadia seeing him - she didn't see him, but you sure did

You had just left the house and you saw him trying to sneak in through an upstairs window, and the sight of the moonlight shining on him made him look so ghost-like that you jumped out of your skin, gasping in surprise

He nearly fell out of the window at your gasp, and the two of you just stared at each other for a solid minute in silence before you both spoke at the same time

‘Who the hell are you?” / ”What on earth are you doing up there?”

After a few minutes of Lucio explaining what the hell he was doing sneaking into Nadia’s house and you listening skeptically, you promised not to tell Nadia that he had been trying to take his stuff back. You weren't sure why, but you felt that you could trust him, even though he was an odd man.

It was a while before the two of you next met up - he disappeared to who-knows-where, but when you did eventually meet up you were surprisingly happy to see him.

For a while you found that his ego was waaaaaay too big, and you found out from Nadia that he made some pretty shady deals with some shady people

You also ‘forgot’ to mention that you were kinda friends with Lucio to Asra, as Nadia had mentioned that Asra had never been friendly towards Lucio in any way

The more time you spent around Lucio, the more you were slowly able to look past his large ego, and you could actually see the real person underneath - he even allowed you to call him by his real name, or ‘Monty’ when he began to trust you (that took a very long time)

You realised just how much he trusted you when he confided his family history. He told you how his father died, and that he had come here to escape his mother. You told him that despite his awful childhood, and despite all the shady stuff he’d been involved him, you still believed he could change for good if he did everything he could to make amends

Eventually, you found yourself spending more and more time with Lucio, and you noticed that he started to relax more when he was around you, and the two of you became comfortable in each other’s company to the extent that Asra started to get suspicious that you were seeing someone because you kept forgetting your shifts at the shop.

After a while, your friendship almost naturally turned into something more, until the two of you were painfully aware that there was some unspoken ‘thing’ between you

It was you who made the first move – he’d been joking about the two of you being a couple and how he’d shower you with gifts and it was honestly getting kinda hurtful because you,,,actually did want to be with him and he was treating it as a joke

So you just kissed him to shut him up, but then he kissed you back immediately and you realised he might actually feel the same way

He told you afterwards that he was trying to hint to you that he wanted to be with you but isn’t good with honest emotions so thought that joking about it was the right thing to do, the asshole

You knew that Asra and, well, everyone, wouldn’t be too pleased with this outcome, but you could see that Lucio truly loved you. Even though his ego was still a little too big for his liking, and he had more money than you ever needed, it was obvious that he was trying to tone down all his flamboyance for you.

~~~

@hakunamatatayqueen​ this is part 2 I just forgot to tag it 

[alouispo]

Alright- this fic is definitely going to be extremely dark. There is definitely going to be a lot of triggers in here. The reason why I wrote it so dark though is because the fiction that I've read isn't as dark as I would like, but then again I'm a very angsty person so that would make sense.

Trigger warnings// gaslighting, slight abuse, manipulation, depictions of violence, panic attacks, breakdowns, things like that- (also swearing and stuff)

Don't say i didn't warn you! (i cant put the break yet so ill do that later)

Ranboo didn't know what to expect when he went to visit Tommy in his exile. Surely he didn't expect anything good of course, but wasn't expecting anything too bad either. The Enderman hybrid could only visit the sixteen-year-old once every two weeks. If he would visit more than that, Dream would most likely prohibit him from visiting at all. Of course he would. The former vice president is in exile after all.

Walking through that Nether portal and stepping into Logstedshire, Ranboo was immediately filled with concern. Looking around the area, it seemed like the place had gone through hell and back. On the beach there were tons of Seagulls picking at what seemed like cake on the table; the place that Wilbur had built when Tommy came to exile for the first time was blown to smithereens, the tent was ripped to shreds and also blown up, and there were a bunch of random images of people from L'manburg hung up on wooden signs which were ripped brutally. 

He also noticed the huge pillar in the distance, built on top of a large hill behind Logstedshire. Ranboo didn't want to think of the worst, so he decided to just ignore it.

Deciding that maybe it was a bad time to come after he called around for a bit with no reply, Ranboo walked back through the Nether towards L'manburg, trying to stay positive as tears started to drip down his face.

Tubbo didn't ask anything when Ranboo came back from Logstedshire in silence. His presence didn't give off a good vibe compared to his usual lively self which is full of positivity. 'Something must have happened,' he thought to himself. 'But what?'

Tommy had to get away. If he didn't he would be slaughtered eventually. If he didn't get away now, he wasn't sure he would be able to survive until the end of his exile. 

The sixteen-year-old had been walking through the cold plains of the frozen biome for what seemed like hours. It was freezing oh, and he meant that literally. Also make matters worse, his clothes were worn out and he didn't have any shoes. The only bit of warmth that he kept was Wilbur's old hat. The one that he wore when he was alive. His physical and mental state didn't help him at all either. His body was weak from poor eating habits along with bruising and cuts. He didn't want to think about how he got them, so he pushed the thought out of his mind. His mental state was slowly deteriorating oh, Tommy becoming desensitized to nearly everything around him.

Not paying attention to any of his surroundings, the teenager tripped on a rock with his bare feet. The rock was unfortunately sharp and cut deep through the bottom of his foot not allowing him to walk. The cold was numbing it for a bit, so he wouldn't feel the actual pain for a while. His expression not changing, Tommy attempted to get up. The cold only pushed him down, adding the numbness of his limbs. He shivered as a harsh gust of wind pushed past him. Its not like it would matter to anyone if he decided to lay in the snow for a while. Gaining comfort in the softness of the cold, Tommy closed his eyes, promising that he would only sleep for a little bit. 

His bloodlust was strong, but how strong he didn't know. Technoblade first melted when he opened the door to throw out some rotten flesh. It made him stop in his tracks as the voices started to scream for blood. His eyes narrowed as he looked in the direction he assumed it was coming from. Being logical, the pig thought that it was just an animal that had hurt themselves badly while falling off a cliff or running into a tree, but this was different. Techno had already known what the smell of animal blood was like, he means, it's pretty common for animals to get hurt around here. This was different though. Technoblade smelled human blood, or at least something similar to human blood. The scent was so strong and made the voices scream louder, his eyes dilating with the inability to control himself.

Dropping everything that he was doing previously, and forgetting to close the doors of his house before he left, the pig trudged towards the source of what he was smelling. Even in the thick snow, his movement and eyesight were enhanced. It didn't seem to slow him down at all as he moved stealthily. He hadn't remembered the last time he felt so sensitive to everything around him. So aware.

Picking up the pace as the voices begged him to go faster, techno felt the scent getting stronger. He knew he was close, he could almost taste it. The words blood for the blood god repeated in his head over and over as he continuously got stronger. Excitement built up in his chest at the thought of a new prey.  He could see in the distance that someone was laying in the snow. 'Weak and helpless,' the voices chanted loudly. 'Kill them!' They screamed. 

Before he could obliged to the voices, techno blade paused. He was sure he recognized who was lying in the snow. Before he knew it, the voices had suddenly switched tunes, all of them saying that it was Tommy who lay there and to help him. Concerned etched into his features as the blood lust calmed down, I letting him think clearly for once. The blade examined the 16-year-old boy as he kneeled next to him. It seems that the vice president was unconscious,  and it seemed like the blood was coming from him. Searching his body and around him, he found a blood trail following Tommy for about two feet. A sharp rock caught his eye, leading him to assume that Tommy had cut his foot while walking. Picking the boy up as the thought of it getting infected filled his mind, Technoblade raced back to his house. It didn't also help how freezing cold it was, and how abnormally light the teenager was.

When he arrived to his base, the blade immediately slammed the door shut, startling Edward who was asleep with his dirt block. Technoblade climbed up the ladder rapidly and place Tommy on his bed before practically jumping back down it to get some bandages and a healing pot. Again, repeating the process of racing of the ladder, technical blade started on healing The cut on Tommy's foot. The main reason he was rushing so much was because he was afraid the voices would flip their switch again and decide that they want Technoblade to kill Tommy. After taking a few hours to heal the child, Techno took off his cape and covered the younger brother with it along with a few blankets. He wasn't sure how long the he could assume former vice president was outside in the cold. For all he knew, Tommy could have hyperthermia and also some other sickness on top of that.

The emperor took the time to examine Tommy Innit, Remembering how light the kid was when he picked him up. Tommy looked frail. He never thought of a more unfitting word to describe the former. He looked like he had barely eaten since the last time he saw him, say six or seven months ago. There were bruises on his face along with some cuts and a newly placed bandage on his nose. His golden hair that was usually fluffy and bright was dirty and matted, some sticks, leaves, and snow all mixed together in it. Every few minutes, Tommy would start shaking and hug himself before changing position and going back to sleeping like a dead man. He also noticed the bags under his eyes. Techno debated whether they were worse than his or not, but it was pretty obvious that it was terrible how he could have gotten those bags in such a short amount of time. He caught a glimpse of Tommy's forearm, which was worryingly covered in bandages.

Technoblade wanted to ask what it happened to him, but he decided it was better that he didn't for now. Climbing back down the ladder to go make some food, Techno left the child alone to sleep, preparing for when he would wake up.

[missfay49]

Who is Orange?

Disclaimer: Please enjoy?  Accept?  Beware?  This… Thing that started out as character analysis and turned into a deranged fanfic, because I experienced a literal revelation mid-way through free writing.  I did not clean this up much because I’m still reeling from the theory implications myself.  I cursed a lot.

~

What does Orange Side represent?

What do we know?

Orange is a “Dark Side”, defined as being one of the Sides hidden from C!Thomas.

The other Hidden Sides were Janus, Remus, and Virgil.

All the Hidden Sides were hidden due to a key aspect of their character that C!Thomas had to first acknowledge and then accept.  Virgil required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he had heightened anxiety and accept that anxiety isn’t inherently wrong, just a different form of information that can be processed.  Remus required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he had intrusive thoughts and accept that those thoughts don’t make him evil; they’re just thoughts.  Janus required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he was capable of lying and accept that acting “selfishly” sometimes isn’t just okay, but actually critically important to managing stress.

 What are the common themes here?  

Confronting the reality about ourselves instead of pretending some traits don’t exist.

Understanding ourselves to be more complex than ‘good’ and ‘evil’.

Addressing mental health.  

Orange Side is still hidden, but we can expect him to be something C!Thomas doesn’t want to (or isn’t ready to) acknowledge.  Something that would be difficult to accept about oneself.  All Hidden Sides fall under the jurisdiction of Janus, so let’s take another look at him.

In “Can Lying Be Good?” we get a lot of information about what Janus’ purpose is:

Roman: It you really don’t want to know something, he… can keep our mouths shut.

Logan: You don’t want to believe it.  That’s where his power comes from.  Things that you want to believe.  Things that you wish were true.  And things that you wish weren’t.

Deceit: What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

This all means that Orange Side is something that would cause C!Thomas distress to learn and something he subconsciously wishes weren’t true.  This is not new information to most of you: the spin-off interpretations of Apathy and Pride are widely popular fandom theories, traits that are typically viewed as negative in large doses.

But the Hidden Sides being seen as something negative isn’t their only defining characteristic.  They typically involve an aspect a mental health, involve societal expectations, and... what is it...

Janus is the umbrella over all the other Hidden Sides, sheltering and obscuring them from view. He is the gatekeeper in a very literal sense.  What is he gatekeeping?  

What is it?  What is it what is it, why?  What does he do?  What seems bad but isn’t?  What can he do?  What issue is actually useful?  What’s useful what’s useful WHATS USEFUL WHATS USEFUL?!  WHY DOES IT HAVE TO USEFUL?

shitshitSHITSHISTHISTSTs

I KEPT ASKING MYSELF, WHAT’S USEFUL?  WHAT TRAIT COULD IT BE THAT APPEARS BAD, BUT ISN’T BAD, IS ACTUALLY USEFUL.  ANIEXTY WAS OKAY BECAUSE HE WAS JUST LOOKING OUT FOR US.  LYING WAS OKAY BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED TO PUT C!THOMAS FIRST.  INTRUSIVE CREATIVITY WAS OKAY BECAUSE DARK IDEAS OPEN UP NEW PATHS.

But the whole GODDAMN POINT is ACCEPTANCE!  

You don’t HAVE to be useful to be accepted.  You – yuo just BE.  YOU BE!

PEOPLE don’t have to prove their Usefulness to you before you can treat them with respect.  Our WORTH does not depend on what we PRODUCE. YE GODS, THE COGNITIVE DISSONANCE I JUST BROKE-

~~~

C!Thomas comes back from his self-care stay-cation.  He’s ready to start production, he is rested and refreshed.  BUT JUST LIKE EVERY PREVIOUS DILEMMA, it isn’t Good enough, Original enough, Fast enough.  He’s done everything right, why is it still wrong?  He’s accepted his anxiety, he’s accepted that things aren’t just black and white, he’s Accepted That It’s OKAY to have Dark Thoughts, he Has ACCEPTED SELF_CARE.  Why Isn’t IT ENOUGH?!

“Fuck it.”  

C!Thomas spins in his chair, looking at a man that looks just like him, but not quite.

“What?”

“Fuck it.  Fuck them.”

“You sound like Remus,” Thomas jokes.  He’s lying, of course.  He’s nervous. The Side looks like a normal guy, but something about him is unsettling.  The unidentified Side just presses his lips together, unimpressed.

“Um, ef w-who, exactly?” Thomas asks, but part of him already knows.

“All of them.  Every person who isn’t you.  Every person who expects something from you.”

“Now, you sound like Janus.” Thomas looks back at the computer screen, but the Side’s retort has him spinning around again.  

“Janus is a short-sighted pseudo-rebellious minion of a capitalistic society, just like the rest of them.”

“Uh, excuse me?!”

“Isn’t it obvious? They’re all obsessed with Success. Whether they want to play by the rules, or manipulate them, or break them, whether it’s making money or pumping out good deeds, they’re still just trying to make you be successful within the framework of a system that prioritizes production over a human life.”

Thomas just stares for a moment before he can find his voice.

“Who are you?”

“Dude, seriously?”  He waves his hands, palms up and presenting himself.  “I’m Achilleus.  I’m your motivation.”

~~~

Take a deep breath and follow me down the research black hole, where every topic I looked up was more and more terrifyingly appropriate: 

Freedom

noun

the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

Self-Determination

noun

the process by which a person controls their own life.

Autonomy

noun

(in Kantian moral philosophy) the capacity of an agent to act in accordance with objective morality rather than under the influence of desires.

Autonomic Nervous System (because i believe each Hidden Side is closer to the subconscious)

noun

the part of the nervous system responsible for control of the bodily functions not consciously directed, such as breathing, the heartbeat, and digestive processes.

Inherent Value

“inherent value in the case of animal ethics can be described as the value an animal possesses in its own right, as an end-in-itself” – Animal Rights – Inherent Value, by Saahil Papar

Intrinsic Value

“Intrinsic value has traditionally been thought to lie at the heart of ethics. Philosophers use a number of terms to refer to such value. The intrinsic value of something is said to be the value that that thing has “in itself,” or “for its own sake,” or “as such,” or “in its own right.”” – Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Value, by Michael J. Zimmerman and Ben Bradley

“Finally, his sense of respect for the intrinsic value of entities, including the non-sentient, is the Kantian notion of the inherent value of all Being.  This is based on the notion that a universe without moral evaluators (e.g. humans) would still be morally valuable, and there is no reason not to regard Being as inherently morally good.” – Technology and the Trajectory of Myth, by David Grant, Lyria Bennett Moses

Motivation

“Another way to conceptualize motivation is through Self-Determination Theory … which is concerned with intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.  Intrinsic motivation happens when someone does something for its inherent satisfaction.” – Second Language Acquisition Myths: Applying Second Language Research to Classroom Teaching, by Steven Brown, Jenifer Larson-Hall

Capitalism

“The flowery language of the United States Declaration of Independence would have you believe that human life has an inherent value, one that includes inalienable rights such as “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” But in America, a major indicator of value is actually placed on being a productive member of society, which typically means working a job that creates monetary revenue (especially if the end result is accumulated wealth and suffering was inherently involved in the process).” – The Diminished Value of Human Life in a Capitalistic Society, by Seren Sensei

Religion

“At the heart of the debate between Calvinism and Arminianism lay the insurmountable chasm between God’s sovereign election versus human self-determination.” – Sovereignty vs. Self-determination: Two Versions of Ephesians 1:3-14, by Reformed Theology

Mythology

“In Classical Greece, Achilles was widely admired as a paragon of male excellence and virtue. Later, during the height of the Roman Empire, his name became synonymous with uncontrollable rage and barbarism… He chooses kleos (glory) over life itself, and he owes his heroic identity to this kleos. He achieves the major goal of the hero: to have his identity put permanently on record through kleos…

“But is this really an accurate characterization of Achilles' pivotal decision? Is he really driven to sacrifice his life by an obsessive quest for honor and glory? One scene in the Iliad suggests the answer to both questions is no.

“When Achilles leaves the battlefield after his dispute with Agamemnon, the Trojans gain the upper hand on the Greeks. Desperate to convince their best warrior to return, Agamemnon sends an envoy of Achilles' closest friends to his tent to persuade him to reconsider his decision. During this scene, Achilles calmly informs his friends that he is no longer interested in giving up his life for the sake of heroic ideals. His exact words are below:

“The same honor waits for the coward and the brave. They both go down to Death, the fighter who shirks, the one who works to exhaustion (IX 386-388)…

“Not only does Achilles reject the envoy's offers of material reward, but he rejects the entire premise that glory is worth a man's life.” – making sense of a hero’s motivation, by Patrick Garvey

Achilles (/əˈkɪliːz/ ə-KIL-eez) or Achilleus (Ancient Greek: Ἀχιλλεύς, [a.kʰilˈleu̯s])

Achilles realizes his own inherent self-worth, thereby freeing himself from the expectations of others; societal or otherwise.  Only once we are free can we find the balance between our own needs and the needs of others in a way that breeds neither anger nor resentment in either.

~~~

But that’s... that’s just... a theory.   Huh.

[roxiestranger19]

Comfy

This is my first fanfic. I’m sorry if the writing is bad, I tried my hardest.

Peter Parker and reader

Warnings: fluffy fluff, like one swear word I think, my attempts at comedy

Word count: 4,465

     You and Peter had just started dating so you were still very awkward around him. Every time he complimented you, you blushed hard. You still freaked out whenever he asked to come over or to hangout. You always had to make sure your room looked presentable, brushing your hair and teeth and even flossing. You couldn’t wait until more time went by and you were completely comfortable around him.

    You had gotten a text from him about 10 minutes ago saying he was coming over so you immediately got to it. You picked up the dirty clothes from the floor and threw them into your closet. You hid your embarrassing stuffed animals, that you still needed to sleep with, under your bed and you quickly rushed to the bathroom to brush and floss your teeth and to put on some perfume that you knew he liked. Just as you were walking out of the bathroom you heard a knock on your bedroom door.

    “Y/n. Can I come in?” You heard Peter ask, quickly checking yourself in the mirror one last time.

     “Yeah.” You replied, kicking a stray sock under your bed.  “Who let you in?” Both of your parents were away at a work event.

     “Oh, your sister did.” He replied, looking down to his fidgeting hands. Peter was also a little uncomfortable around you, getting nervous here and there. Definitely not as much as you were but he was still new to the whole relationship thing. MJ was his first relationship and you were his second.

    “So um… what do you want to do?” He asked, looking up at you. God, you loved when he did that. It made him look so innocent, almost puppy-like. Now that you thought about it, Peter Parker was basically a puppy. Something you protect at all costs and something that was so adorable you could melt.

    “Do you want to watch a movie?” You asked, making your way onto your bed, grabbing your laptop from your nightstand.  “We can watch Star Wars.” You said in a sing-song voice, knowing that would have him hooked. You saw his eyes light up and he started to come over.

    “You know I can’t pass that up.” Peter sunk down into the mattress beside you, pulling the covers up over the both of you. You immediately felt very awkward. You and Peter usually watched movies on the couch or he would watch Star Wars on your bed while you did homework. You felt yourself get really hot and your face turn red.

    “I’m gonna go make some popcorn.” You said suddenly, immediately getting up, not even waiting for an answer. Obviously Peter sensed that you were uncomfortable and debated whether to meet you in the kitchen or just to wait until you came back. He heard the microwave beep and the smell of popcorn that soon filled the house.

    You started to look around for a bowl, finally finding one on the top shelf of your pantry. Of course you couldn’t reach it. Why do I have to be so short?

You really didn’t want to ask Peter for help but it was the only way so you did.

    “Peter, can you get this bowl for me?” You yelled

    “Coming.” Peter dashed out of the room, grateful that you made his stay or go decision for him. He met you in the pantry and easily grabbed the bowl for you. He wasn’t that much taller than you, but the extra inches was all he needed to easily reach the bowl.

    “Thanks.” You said, taking the bowl from him. You made your way back to the microwave and removed the bag, careful not to burn yourself. You started to pour it in the bowl when you felt Peter's arms grab around your waist and bring you into a hug.

    “Peter!” You cried, blushing hard. “You’re going to make me spill it.” You held onto his arms as he swayed softly.

   “Your hair smells nice.” You felt butterflies in your stomach as he nuzzled into your neck. Why’d he have to be so sweet and cute all the time? There was never a minute around him that you weren’t blushing at something he said or did. He squeezed you tighter, making you squirm a bit.

  “Peter, let me go!” You squealed, trying to get free.

  “Nope! You’re stuck with me!” He replied squeezing you even tighter. You were so distracted with Peter's death hug that neither of you realized your sister watching you

     “Um? Can I get a drink please?” Mia asked, gesturing to her cup. Both of you scrambled quickly out of the hug and your checks felt red.

     “Oh! Uh… yeah, sorry.” You replied, nervously crossing your arms in front of your chest. Peter was standing beside you, fidgeting with his hands. You noticed that whenever he was nervous or embarrassed he would do that and you thought it was the cutest thing. You quickly went back to pouring the popcorn into the bowl, glaring at Peter when he stole some.

    “Save some for the movie!” You said, shoving him lightly. He rolled his eyes playfully, smiling then running his hand through his curly hair. Oh you loved his curly hair so much. There literally is nothing that you don’t like about him and you’re fine with that. Mia had already gotten her drink and was watching the two of you.

    “You guys need to get a room.” She said, making both you and Peter blush. She reached past you, stealing a couple pieces of popcorn.

    “Seriously, you too!” You scolded. “Mia just leave.”

    “Where did you think I was going?” She replied, turning to go to her room.

    “Sorry.” You said back to Peter.

    “Don’t make me an aunt y/n!” Mia yelled from down the hall, closing her door. You gave her the biggest eye roll of your life, blushing once more when your eyes met Peters again.

    “Um… you ready?” You asked him.

     “Uh… yeah.” He replied, grabbing the popcorn and following you to your room. You moved the covers out of the way and sat down, Peter doing the same thing and putting the popcorn between you too.

    “Which one do you want to watch?l” he asked, shoving some popcorn into his mouth.

    “I don’t really care. They’re all basically the same.” You said grabbing some popcorn, not noticing Peter's disappointed look.

    “What! Y/n! How are you even my girlfriend, seriously! They’re all so different, how do you not know this? I watch them literally all the time.” You giggled at his response. This was the first time either of you had mentioned the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing, but you actually didn’t mind it. It made you feel all warm inside hearing him refer to you as his girlfriend.

    “I’m usually doing homework while you’re watching, I’ve only actually paid attention to like one.” You shoved another handful of popcorn into your mouth, watching Peter playfully roll his eyes at you and smile softly.

    “Whatever you say, we’re watching the first one and I’m gonna make sure you’re paying attention.”

    “Ok, ok!” For the first time ever you felt strangely comfortable around him. You were finally able to be your usual sarcastic self around him. Not that you hadn’t before but usually you were super awkward when it was just him and you. This was great. The movie started playing and you actually watched it this time, instead of dozing off or daydreaming. Peter couldn’t help but steal quick glances at you. He noticed your soft expression, attentively watching the movie. The way you bit softly at your lip every once in a while or how your eyes reflected the movie. He wanted to put his arm around you but didn’t know how you would react so he kept to himself. You could feel him looking at you a couple times, making you blush inside. Eventually, the credits began to appear and you rubbed your eyes lightly.

   “Well, what’d you think?” Peter asked, eating the last piece of popcorn. It actually ended up being really good, but Peter didn’t need to know that.

  “It was ok, I guess.” You said, trying not to smile and stretching your arms.

    “Just ok?”

    “Don’t push it Parker.” You replied, rolling your eyes. Suddenly it began to rain, hard. You watched the water droplets run heavily down your window.

    “Well, I guess you’re staying over.” You said, walking over to the window to close your curtains.

     “Are you sure? I don’t mind walking home.” Peter said, swinging his feet over to meet the floor.

     “Are you crazy? You can’t walk home in this. Besides it’s late.” You said, just noticing it was 11:07.

     “Um… ok. I’m just gonna call May.” He said fidgeting with his hands. Now he was the awkward one. He went to the kitchen to call his aunt while you went back to your bed, Peter coming in soon after.

     “Thanks.”

     “Yeah, sure anytime. So now what.”

     “We can watch the next one?” He suggests climbing into bed next to you.

     “Alright fine, but I can’t promise I’ll stay awake. I’m tired.” You said letting out a yawn. Peter's warm brown eyes seemed even more innocent, if that was even possible and you felt the butterflies from earlier return. The next movie began to play and you were instantly captivated. The special effects were actually really good considering when it was made and you really enjoyed the plot. It was about half way in when you noticed Peter start to doze off. I thought I was the one supposed to be falling asleep.

    A couple minutes went by and you flinched lightly when his head fell onto your shoulder. It felt nice, comforting to know that he could fall asleep on you. You instantly felt tired as well and turned off the movie. You didn’t want to actually lay down in fear of waking him so you leaned your head on top of his and curled into his side. He was very warm and sleep instantly overcame you.

    You woke up first, noticing your arms intertwined with his. Another thing you noticed about him was his arms. He was ripped. You didn’t know how or why he was so fit, considering he never said anything about working out, but hey, you definitely weren’t complaining. You grabbed your phone from the nightstand and checked the time. 11:45. Shit. My parents will be home soon. You lightly ran your hands through Peters hair, slowly going down to his shoulder to shake him lightly.

    “Peter. Wake up. It’s 11:45, my parents will be back soon.” You said in a hushed whisper. Peter opened his eyes slightly, letting out a groan.

    “Ugh… just five more minutes.” He groaned, grabbing onto your arm tightly. You smiled at his cute sleepy voice before snapping back to reality.

    “Peter, let me go. My parents will be back soon and I don’t want them to think we did anything.” You tried to pull your arm out of his death grip but it wouldn’t budge. How is he so strong?

    “Peter!”

    “Y/n!” He groaned at you, his eyes still shut

     “Let me go!” You squealed, frantically trying to free your arm.

    “Never!” Peter grabbed your waist pulling you in tighter. You blushed at how close you too were, your noses practically touching.

    “Peter, I’ll come over later, ok. It will only be like 2 hours until you see me again.” You said softly to him.

    “Alright.” He agreed, releasing you. You went to the bathroom to change your clothes and to brush your teeth. The popcorn taste still in your mouth from last night. When you came out, Peter was still in the bed. Boys are so annoying. Letting out a sigh, you walked over to your bed and poked Peters’ cheek a few times.

    “Peter get up. I will drag you out of this bed if I have to.” He let out a soft groan but still didn’t budge.

     “Fine then.” You said and pulled his legs over the side. Then you grabbed his shoulders and tried to roll him over. He was a lot heavier than you expected. It took nearly all your strength to finally roll him off the bed. Thud.

    “Ow.” Peter said, lying on the floor. You tried your best to not laugh but you couldn’t help it.

    “Should have gotten up then.” You replied, grabbing his hands to help him up. Again, taking most of your strength.

    “Next time, you’re gonna be the one rolling me out of bed, Parker.” You snarked at him.

    “No problem, I’ll just carry you, like this.” He said, reaching under your legs and around your arms, bridal style. You blushed a little while in his arms. He began to spin you around.

    “Peter! Put me down!” You laughed, feeling dizzy when he stopped.

    “You’re no fun.” He pouted, his eyes staring into you. You rolled your eyes at him and started pushing him out of your room, through the kitchen and into the hallway of the building.

    “Sorry, but you gotta go. I’ll see you later.” You closed the door and walked into the kitchen to get some water. You were all smiley and giddy after he left. Only Peter could do this to you.

    “Later” had finally rolled around and after greeting your parents, you decided to text Peter. 

     Can I come over? 

     Duh. You laughed at his response before asking your mom if you could go over.

   “Yeah sure, just call me if your staying over.” Your mom said.

    “Thanks, I love you.” You replied, turning to open the door. Peter lived in the apartment complex just down the street from yours so it only took you about a five minute walk to get there. You knocked on the door and were greeted by May.

  “Oh hi y/n! It’s so good to see you! Please come in.” She said holding the door open for you. You stepped inside, wiping your feet on the mat so you didn’t track muddy water from last night’s storm through the house.

  “Thanks.” You replied, smiling and tucking your hair behind your ear.

  “Will you be staying for dinner? I ordered Chinese because I know it’s your favorite and Peter said you’d be over.” May was the sweetest person you knew. This must be where Peter got it from.

   “That’s so sweet of you! I guess I’ll stay.” You said, kicking your shoes off.

    “Of course! You’re welcome here anytime.” You gave her a smile and made your way towards Peter’s room. You had been here several times before, to do homework or study. You and Peter both had the same classes so you often studied together. You knocked on Peter’s door softly.

   “Peter?” You said, when he didn’t answer. You waited a little before going in. You opened the door and went to sit on his bed. You figured he must be in the shower. You decided to scroll through instagram for a bit until he was done. Liking your friends post about seeing Spider-Man in person. You always dreamed of what it would be like to meet any of the Avengers. Iron Man was your favorite but you also like Spider-Man because of his super strength and web shooters. You started texting your friend back, telling them how cool they were to meet your idol when suddenly the door opened. You looked up to see Peter with just a towel around his waist. He was ripped. He had abs and his arms looked amazing. You immediately blushed a dark red. How did you not notice this before. Probably because this was the first time you’d seen him without a shirt on. His hair was wet, making his curls look really defined. You were basically drooling but forced yourself to come back to reality before he noticed.

  “Oh sorry! I didn’t know you were here.” He said, fidgeting with his hands. “Could you um… hand me my shirt. It’s right by you on the bed.”

  “Oh um…sure.” You replied, handing him the shirt. You tried your best to not look at his chest but failed. He definitely picked up on it, grinning softly and looking at the floor. You quickly turned away, looking back at your phone as he went back into the bathroom to change. A couple minutes later he came out, fully clothed this time. You put down your phone and stood up.

  “Um… do you want to continue watching Star Wars?” You asked, noticing how he was fidgeting with his hands again.

   “Uh sure” He replied, leading the way to the couch. He got the movie started and sat down awkwardly beside you. It was weird considering how you literally slept in the same bed last night and right now, it feels like you just met. About 10 minutes into the movie you started getting really cold. Your apartment didn’t have air conditioning so when you came over, you were always cold. Peter noticed you shivering but didn’t really know what to do.

  “Are you cold?” He asked, turning towards you.

   “A little.” You replied, rubbing your hands on your arms, trying to warm them. Peter reached for a blanket on the back of the couch and handed it to you.

   “Here.” He said handing you the large grey blanket.

   “Thanks.” You draped the blanket over you but it didn’t do much. You were still shivering a little. Peter noticed and pulled you closer to him. He pulled the blanket around both of you and hugged you into his chest. He could smell your shampoo and perfume, making him relax. You blushed at his sweet gesture noticing his smell too. It was so comforting and you didn’t feel cold anymore.

   “Is that better?” He asked, looking down at you with his warm brown eyes. You literally melted right then and there.

   “Yes. Thank you.” You nuzzled into his chest, turning back to watch the movie. Peter admired how cute you looked, being all snuggled on his chest. How had he not done this sooner, being your boyfriend that is. He had liked you for a year before he finally got the courage to ask you out. Well, to ask you to study with him. He told you he liked you that night. You had liked him since the day you met at the decathlon, 2 years prior.

His fingers drew soft circles on your side, making you feel butterflies of warmth. You looked up to see him staring at you intently. You noticed his hair curled more when it was wet. How his eyes seemed softer when you were like this. You noticed his lips, slightly open. Thinking about how magical it would be to kiss them. His sharp jaw line that seemed to cut right through you. You felt yourself being pulled towards him, your mouth parting. You brought your hand up his chest, feeling his toned muscles. Your hands making their way to the back of his neck. You ran your fingers through his hair as he started pulling you closer to him. Your stomach felt like there was a whole butterfly migration going through it. Your noses were touching now and you slowly brought your head up to meet his lips, about to receive your first kiss.

   “Peter, y/n!” You heard May call from the other room, immediately snapping you out of your trance and you literally flew off of him, returning back to your awkward self. Peter turned around to look at May.

   “Yeah?” He said.

    “I’m going to pick up the food. I’ll be back in about 20 minutes.”

    “Ok.” He replied. Turning back towards the tv, his hands fidgeting. You wrapped yourself back up in the blanket, feeling cold again without Peter's warm touch. You couldn’t believe what just happened, or what almost just happen. You and Peter avoided each other until May came back with the food. Turning your attention back to the movie and processing the events of yesterday and today. Peter falling asleep on your shoulder, you cuddling with him. You having to drag him out of bed, and him spinning you around like a toddler. You seeing him without his shirt and of course, the time 20 minutes ago when you almost kissed. Thankfully, you just heard May get back so you didn’t have to be on this fucking couch anymore.

    “Hey guys I’m back. Come eat.” May yelled, taking the food out of the bags and putting various kinds of chicken, ramen and rice on plates. You and Peter quickly went to the kitchen, the smell of spring rolls and ramen filling the house. You grabbed the plate that was mostly ramen with some chicken while Peter chose a plate with everything on it and to top it off, he added about 15 spring rolls to his pile.

   “Jesus Peter, how many spring rolls do you need?” You cried out, gesturing to his plate.

   “I’m a growing boy y/n, I eat a lot.” He replied with a goofy grin, making you laugh hysterically. May and Peter gave you strange looks as you were almost crying from laughing so hard.

   “You did not just say that!” You giggled, setting your plate down.

   “What? That I’m a growing boy?” He replied. You nodded while uncontrollable laughter over came you, making Peter and May laugh also. After a couple minutes you began to calm down, whipping the tears from your eyes.

   “Sorry, that was just really funny.” You said before shoving ramen into your mouth.

   “So Y/n, how are your parents? I haven’t seen them in forever.” May asked.

   “Oh they’re fine. They were on a work trip this past week. They just got back today.” You replied, noticing Peter was already almost halfway done with his food while you had barely eaten any of yours.

   “Peter slow down, geez!” Cried May, noticing his fast eating too.

   “I’m hungry.” He muffled, his mouth full.

   “Yes we’ve been over that.” You replied, rolling your eyes at him. The rest of dinner consisted of awkward small talk between you and May with Peter joint in occasionally. May was really sweet but it’s still kinda awkward talking to her.

    After you were all finished eating, you and Peter did the dishes. You both mostly kept to yourselves, not wanting to create yet another embarrassing moment. When the last few dishes were put in the dishwasher, you started to make your way towards Peter's room. Just before you got there, Peter grabbed your arm, and spun around to face him. You were confused, obviously. You and Peter were both silent, neither wanting to break up this moment together. Peter took a step closer to you, making him practically on top of you. You looked up at him, noticing his eyes were soft again. His hand made its way from your wrist to your waist, pulling you in closer. The butterflies returned, as well as the heat from when you were with him under the blanket.

    You ran your hand up his chest, feeling his abs clench at your touch. You brought both hands up to the back of his neck. His other hand cupped your face. At last, he leaned down and closed his eyes. Finally it was happening. You closed your eyes and stood on your tippy toes. Your lips collided and it was equal parts ecstasy and magic. You tasted the many spring rolls on his lips as he parted them for you. You turned your head slightly to make it easier for him. You couldn’t believe what was happening. You were kissing Peter Parker. The only boy you’ve wanted to kiss for two years.

    You never wanted it to end, never wanting this feeling to be over. He grabbed your waist tighter, slightly lifting you with his strong arms. Your hands in his hair, twisting it in your fingers. He broke off slightly to open his door and lead you to his bed. He sat down and lifted you onto his lap. Normally this position would make you embarrassed but you were too captivated by him to care. He kissed you twice as passionately as before, your tongues interwoven. Damn he’s a good kisser. Not that you had anything to compare him to. You heard a knock at the door suddenly, but you were too captivated by him to actually do anything about it. You continued making out with him, pulling his hair more.

  “Peter.” You heard May yell through the door. You knew what was about to happen but you were too occupied by this magical kiss to care. Sure enough, the door swung open, leaving you and Peter exposed to May.

  “Hey Peter- oh my gosh! Sorry!” She exclaimed, closing the door. Peter pushed you off of him, his cheeks bright red.

  “Im gonna… um… go see what she needs.” He told you shakily. He opened the door and you saw May covering her eyes and shaking her head every once in a while. You wiped your mouth off a little bit and smoothed down your hair. You couldn’t believe May had just seen the two of you like this. You tried to make out what they were saying.

    “Can I look?” May said, still covering her eyes.

    “Uh… yeah. Im sorry.” Peter said, scratching his head and looking down.

    “I’m gonna take a shower then go to bed early.”

    “Ok.”

   “I’m trusting you, Peter.” She said looking at him intensely. “Please be safe. Goodnight.” She said, kissing Peter’s forehead.  “Love you.”

   “Love you too, May.” Peter replied before closing the door. He made his way back over to the bed, sitting down next to you just like before.

   “So um… do you want to watch Star Wars?” He asked, making you giggle.

  “Sure.” You said, tucking a stray hair behind your ear. He got his laptop and turned on the movie. You both got under the covers, this time you cuddled right into him. Savoring his warmth and his smell that you’d grown to love. He put his arm around you, pulling you close, fingers brushing light circles on your skin. Your head was on his chest and you could hear his heartbeat. You never wanted to leave this warm, safe haven he had created. He pressed a light kiss to your forehead, making you blush.

   “I love it when you do that.” He said looking down at you.

   “Do what?” You questioned, looking up at him, confused at his statement.

   “When you blush every time I compliment or touch you. It’s cute.” He said, brushing the hair that had fallen in your face out of the way. You smiled softly, doing the exact thing he just described.

   “You’re pretty cute too, Parker.” You said looking intensely into his warm brown eyes.

   “Also…” you started, “how are you so fit?”

   “Wh-What do you mean?” He stuttered. You lightly hit his chest, scoffing.

   “No one just has abs.” You tell him.

   “I don’t know. I must have good genes I guess.” He said, blushing a little. You rolled your eyes at him before nuzzling back into his chest. Your heart swelling at how much you cared for him. Your eyelids felt heavy, tired from the drama of today. You closed your eyes and quickly drifted to sleep, savoring this moment for as long as you could.

[freckleslikestars]

3, 23, 35, for the autism asks

3. Any comorbidities?

Yup. So, I have ADHD too, as well as severe clinical depression, social anxiety and general anxiety. My therapist is also in discussion with various other of my doctors to look into getting a diagnosis for OCD because intrustive thoughts and repetative patterns that I have to do, but theres some debate as to whether that is just the autism. I also have a dissociative disorder and chronic insomnia, which are linked to all of the above.

23. What's the longest you've ever has a special interest for?

I hold special interests for a long time. Dinosaurs and space have both been special interests since I was like four or five and remain to this day (I have dinosaur everything. Seriously). The X files has probably been specifically a special interest and not just comfort media for about eight years maybe, though I would fixate on it a lot before that, too. Other than that, most special interests last a good five to ten years for me. During my teenage years, I got really into ducks. I can tell you so much about ducks it would blow your mind. We even kept ducks as pets and sold their eggs. Most of my special interests revolve around animals I think, with dinosaurs, ducks, frogs, reptiles in general, fish - I love fish so damn much. And there's a lot of overlap with them. But yeah, mostly pretty long-lasting. I can't think of any that were shorter than five years.

25. Do you have shutdowns?

Oof, yeah. It was the shutdowns that actually started my teachers and counsellors and therapists talking to me about getting a diagnosis. They used to be a lot worse, just because it's what I've worked on the most in therapy, but I still have really rough days. When I was younger I would literally shutdown for weeks at a time. I would go non-verbal. I would only eat when forced to. I wouldn't interact with anyone or anything. It would be a couple of weeks of being driven to school, sitting silently in classes, being driven home from school and laying in bed until school the next morning. Because my mother wouldn't admit there was anything wrong, I never really got the help I needed for it. I lost a lot of friends because of it, because I wouldn't remember anything in the times that I shutdown and never had the words to explain why it happened. Now it tends to last only for a day, maybe two tops when it happens, and it only happens a couple of times a year now because I have gotten used to spotting the early signs and removing myself from whatever was overwhelming or triggering. My dad always says its the thing that terrifies him most in the world, when I go quiet. We have also, he and I, gotten better when I go non-verbal, at communicating so he knows that I am as okay as I can be. It's not a fun time, though.

Sorry those were some long answers.

Ask me about my autism