#i literally cannot w these two

[agentplutonium]

It’s currently two in the morning and i’m thinking about “sleepwalker” Sweetheart. Thinking of them waking up in the middle of the night, in a panic, mumbling about how they had a report due (they did not, and especially not at the ungodly hour they decided to wake up at). They’d start to get out of bed and that’s what would wake Milo. He convinced them that five more minutes in bed with him wouldn’t put them behind any, and that’s how he got them to lay back down and cuddle into him. Sometimes Milo wasn’t fast enough and they’d already be on their feet, but it just meant a tiny bit more effort to get them to come lay back down with him. Like this, he’s able to keep them in place so they don’t get up again. To aid their journey back to sleep, Milo would do one or multiple things to soothe them. This normally included humming some nameless tune, or gently tracing random shapes and lines across their skin, or perhaps he’d go into quiet rambles knowing how much Sweetheart liked hearing his voice, and, if the stealth was putting up a particularly hard fight, he’d go as far as to run a finger down the length of their nose softly. It was never very long before Sweetheart was back asleep, and Milo always felt some sort of pride that he was able to accomplish such a feat. Normally if Sweetheart is up and wanting to do something there was nothing that could stop them. But, over the years, Milo learned their habits inside and out, knowing when to push to get them to take a break and when to just stand back and be a safety net for when if they burn out.

[mokutone]

your art makes me wanna start testosterone

i can't read tone well, so this is either an incredibly touching ask, or an extremely funny one, and in the absence of confirmation: both!

i'm in a chatty mood, so i'll share some thoughts about testosterone and my art.

i liked being on testosterone a lot. i had an IM injection every two weeks (on tuesdays!) and because that's a sizeable dose every 14 days that slowly disperses, it can cause some mood fluctuations (every other friday i would have a crisis about not feeling like the world had a place for me in it) but even those were far more manageable than the ones that would come with my previous and current monthly hormone cycle (every month i spend a solid week thinking the world will never have a place for me in it)

It gave me a patchy little bit of scruff on my chin and a whispy mustache under my nose that still struggles on, despite adversity!

It redistributed my fat a little bit, but that's long since gone back to pre-T shape.

it lowered my voice! that hasn't changed :^)! even if i never go back on t, that won't change. it was the thing i most wanted, and its the one i'm most grateful for. Pre-T, I didn't speak much. I'm getting better and better at talking and getting more and more comfortable communicating with people because of it.

having been off t now for 3 years, i don't pass anymore—not as a cis man, or a cis woman, certainly not as anything approximating straight. if people look at me and see anything, i'd hazard a guess that they see me as A Queer (the noun—for all it's complicated connotations).

i'm not surprised that my art might make somebody want to start testosterone! a lot of my art was made out of the aching grief that came with being kicked off of testosterone, and how neatly that loss of autonomy over my own body knits in with yamato's loss of autonomy over his own.

how my body started doing things i disliked, how i didn't have the support necessary to access the healthcare i needed—how my inability to give myself what i needed made me feel as though i were trapped inside of myself and abandoned (by both myself and the world at large)

when i write comics about yamato as a trans man, i don't take away his testosterone, because that hits a little too close to home for me. for Ninja War Town Reasons, he has plenty of access to all the HRT he could ever need and nobody questions his need for it—instead, i project my own horrors onto the way Danzō defined his identity for him as a child, the way that Kabuto and Obito dehumanize him as an adult in their war efforts, and reduce him to the thing his body holds (the Mokuton). I give him a kneejerk compulsion to dehumanize himself (out of a feeling that he has a duty to his community to do so) and I give him a slow-growing resistance to that impulse (which comes out of a feeling that the people he loves would frown upon seeing him reduce himself like that)

it's dysphoria! it's not gender dysphoria, but it's a loss of self, and a need to reclaim it. it's a war between the hollow shell of a thing he thinks he has to be, and the vibrant and messy person beneath it that he is. it's a desperate need to say "this is who i am—only i can say it"

I enjoyed HRT a lot. it was a really useful tool in helping me feel like my body was my own, that i didn't have to fight it, that we were the same entity. It's not the only tool, but it was a really good one, and one day I hope to use it again.

(as for the being off of it—it's unpleasant, but i'm enduring! being somebody who now doesn't really pass as anything has put me in a weird and interesting position, where I'm constantly having to declare myself to people, because nobody knows what to make of me on any front. they don't know if i'm a man, a woman, nonbinary, nor even what age i am (Augh!!!!) it forces me to be brave and vulnerable more than I'm comfortable with—if I tell somebody I'm a man, there's no way that they will believe I'm cis, but I'm not about to recloset myself—and I don't think I could at this point anyway.)

(there's something fascinating about the position i find myself in, and while i'd leap back on t the moment that an opportunity presented itself to do so, i do feel like i'm experiencing something interesting and important in this weird zone i find myself in)

[liquidstar]

and now for something stupid

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

got so into my laughingstock feels that i burnt my fuckign toast

[daydreamingdancer]

people r in my dms saying one of our fictives ( kaeya ) ISN 'T a fictive & sending death threats , because , get this ; he DOESN 'T WANT TO FUCK HIS BROTHER . an explanation for a dni is NOT PERMISSION to act like this to ANYONE .

and so everyone knows ;

FICTIVES ARE NOT GOING TO BE THE PERFECT IMAGE OF HOW YOU IMAGINE A FICTIONAL CHARACTER .

JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK SOMEONE FUCKS THEIR BROTHER DOES NOT MEAN EVERY FICTIVE OF THEM WILL ALSO FIT THAT BILL .

[saetoru]

my whole fyp on tik tok is ab palestine. makes me physically sick to watch it all

[slttygeto]

the thing is, hanma IS a red flag. he WILL do toxic shit. but would he also be the best fuck of your life? absolutely.

[hauntedtotem]

ppl when they find out teenagers act like teenagers 😱

[vermillioncrown]

at the risk of sounding butthurt for talking about not being butthurt: going through quals really prepared me for trawling through fandom meta and research while keeping my zen

[astrxealis]

merry christmas btw i kinda forgot to say it ere at all oopsies >_< i hope you all had/have a wonderful holiday season or week or day or month regardless of your religion and if you celebrate christmas !!!!!

i got 'the end of everything' by katie mack for xmas (i begged my parents lol) bcs i finally saw it in a bookstore after months of looking for it that i just Fell to the ground ..... i love astrophysics i love space i love science. i also love u all

[akkivee]

i wake up with them and these on my mind and i’m devastated tbh lmao

[minamotoz]

said i was done w dsmp related content on this blog but i need a bit more time to cope w how these two ended

[divorcedyaoi]

I am so fucking tired I stayed home so I could hopefully nap but I forgot that Doug is a fucking asshole and Rika does not shut up so I’m furious and exhausted I want them to be quiet so fucking bad I’m going to lose it

[kandicon]

Tma au where both Helen and Micheal end up being distortion avatars and are besties. This will objectively make the story significantly worse, but it will make me, personally, happy.

[oysterie]

unless they open a new class time I'm gonna have to take chem 2 online 🥴🥴 evil but I'll do one w lectures and then chem 2 has more walk in tutoring times.

Still annoyed that the geography class I want to take is on Wednesday like I don't want to drive out there for a less than two hour class 😭 in the morning too

[mojaves]

this whole weekend has felt SO off idk whats been in the air these last two days but i would love for it to be monday now thank you!!!!