#i literally am writing this during my lunch break

[cupcraft]

Feel free to completely disagree w me i just want 2 share my thougjts after rewtaching bombshells last night: As much as Cuddy wants to believe that she left House because he couldnt be there for her in the way she wanted to (which is valid but its rlly not what happened imo) She ultimately broke up w him because he relapsed. Forgive my poor memory i may be recalling wrong but the end of the episode vicodin relapse reveal hinted that house had been back on vicodin since before cuddy’s cancer scare, and the moment that Cuddy found out she dropped him. The vicodin was the catalyst in a sense she saw him relapse back into drugs and she was like Nopeee. like it was the longest he’d been sober since he developed the addiction which is a good thing but its like. the expectation that you will relapse at least once. and yeah cuddy had just gotten a big death scare but she had also found out her boyfriend had fallen back into his addiction and instead of allowing them both to comfort eachother on their respective issues she left him liek broo😭😭😭youre dating a known addict and the minute he starts addict-ing you turn away. Also ntm even though cuddy told him outwardly she didnt want him to change, she definitely had inward hope that She could he the one to change him, that he’d love her so much he wiuld change for her and that didnt happen so she quit

No your 100% right and now I'm going to rant about huddy and a missed opportunity for her character's writing.

Cuddy historically has been a character who has understood House's addiction and thus in turn his chronic pain and disability almost the least. She has a repeated history of ableism in the show towards House, but I am going to focus on her lack of understanding around House's addiction and how that ties into why she dumped him and ultimately was a failing on character growth on behalf of the writers.

In season 7 it is implied House has relapsed before the surgery date, and it's implied that he relapsed because of his intense fear of losing Cuddy due to cancer and he loved her and WANTED to be there for her, and in a way this triggered a relapse. In the world of addiction relapse can happen as addiction is a lifelong chronic illness and moments of stress, loss, etc can be a common trigger for relapse. And the fact House wanted to be there for her without panicking, definitely also makes sense why he considered relapsing. Cuddy's problem here, is that she moralizes it. It's understandable she doesn't address her subconscious thoughts on "huh, I wonder if House has relapsed..." because she's actively undergoing a panic of "am I going to die", so it makes sense she doesn't address it until she's finished surgery. But her problem is she MORALIZES this action. Think about what she tells House. She does think House couldn't "be there the way she wanted" and that "he'd never change", but those are the excuses to rationalize how she feels being in a relationship with an addict. She tells House by "being high" he wasn't "REALLY there" for her when she had the surgery/medical scare. Though House might have been pretty high (which is hard to confirm it's never really stated, and House does have a high opiate tolerance to consider), but in the end it doesn't matter if he was. Cuddy thinks House being on Vicodin is in a way subverting his love/care/attention away from her. Instead of seeing the relapse as a concern, as her terminal illness scare, fear of loss of her, wanting to be there for her, she sees it as a means of NOT being there for her. That of course, in the end, House chooses "drugs" over her. Here's a few notable quotes:

Cuddy quite litereally says the pills mean something, as in his addiction is a moral choice in which House chooses to be a careless loveless asshole who is selfish and only cares about himself and in turn cares only about avoiding pain instead of "being there for Cuddy" which is an insane way to look at someone's addiction, and blatantly fucked up. She quite literally dumps him because of this, the relapse, of because he is an addict.

Because the reality is, like I stated, House wasn't afraid Cuddy would hurt him. House isn't afraid to be there for Cuddy. House has also gotten to a point in their relationship by season 7 that he isn't afraid to love Cuddy. He didn't fear experiencing pain, he feared losing her. And he knew, and he WANTED to be there for her in her potentially dying moments because he loved her. And that in turn triggered relapse. Cuddy's interpretation here is that House never changes, but in reality we should see this as Cuddy has never changed. She's never changed since season 1, not understanding how addiction operates.

Early seasons in which Cuddy has a history of the following: Making House go cold turkey and being cruel when he experiences withdrawal instead of intervening to help him, Cuddy telling House his "pain" is just made up in his head and worsened by the Vicodin (not in a medical sense, in a moralizing sense) such that she ignores his bad pain day and tricks him into getting a saline shot and then uses his brief "distraction" from the pain as confirmation it's in his head/drug seeking behavior (again not from a nuanced position of how mental health and chronic pain intersect, instead moralizing it), she doesn't at all ever understand how opiate addiction operates nor how to treat someone's addiction (ie with methadone...foreshadowing for later) and again moralizes his choice to remain on Vicodin (The entire tritter arc), she is ANTI methadone entirely a known medical treatment for opiate addiction enough that instead of recommending House go to a methadone clinic for increased safety and monitoring threatens to fire him unless he agrees to let her control everything about his methadone treatment plan, and etc.

The writer's have posited Cuddy as someone who cares about House, who loves House, but at no point takes a moment to understand his disability, chronic pain, and his addiction. She moralizes it. And when he enters a relationship with her sober just nearly avoiding relapse, she's almost ashamed to be with him. She enters this relationship, ashamed she could be with someone like House. She takes that scene intervening in his relapse as a moral commitment he will prioritize her over drugs, thus entering the relationship without ever really wanting to understand or be compassionate dating someone who has a history of addiction. This is a missed opportunity for her to develop as a character.

Instead, the writing goes as Cuddy doesn't get to change but the narrative wants us to believe it is House who never changed or cared about her enough, because drugs and addicts bad. Which is really fucked considering they took a lot of time making Wilson grow more understanding of addiction. There's that one episode he fears House has relapsed and he says "relapse is common!" ready to help him and when he relapses after the breakup he recommends House get help instead of moralizing it. He even yells at Cuddy for leaving him, not just as a partner but as a friend.

Sorry this is long but I hope...this makes sense

[gguk-n]

Chapter 1- Anonymous Conversations

Unravelling Max's Mystery (Max Verstappen x Online Friend!Reader)

Series Masterlist

Summary- Y/N formed an unexpected bond with a boy behind the screen. He doesn't have many interest it seems, except for reading her stupid poems.

{Reader's POV}

12/07/2012

Dear Diary, Stella is leaving for Canada tomorrow forever. Today was the last day of school before the summer break so I went to Stella's house after school. It's so shitty, how can she leave me like this and before the start of high school. I don't have any friends other than her, what am I supposed to do??? This isn't fair, first Faye moved back to her home country a couple years back and now Stella. It's like they don't even care about me. I made a google plus account so we can stay in touch. Actually everyone's on google plus, I'm just late to the party. I'm sure we'll still be close.

02/01/2013

OMG!! I think I'm in love. There's this new boy band, One Direction. Ava told me about them last year but I brushed her off saying they weren't my cup of tea, but OMG!!! They are fucking perfect and I love Niall so much. He's so cute and has the dreamiest eyes and his accent, I'm gonna faint. I bought the Take Me Home album yesterday!! I even put up their poster above my bed, hehe!! Sooooo, I may or may not be writing now. I think I'm gonna be an author. The stuff isn't great like Shakespeare but I'm sure I'll improve. I've written a couple poems and Aria read them and she thinks they are great. I'm gonna start uploading them on google plus. I made a separate page for it, under a pseudonym. If I really improve, maybe I can publish my work.

I was sat at my laptop, typing the latest story I came up with during lunch so I could upload it. There were a lot of people who were reading my work and even encouraged me. There is improvement, but then again, we can do better, I'm sure. My parents aren't very happy with how I'm wasting my time writing instead of focusing on my education since I'm in high school now. I finished typing the story and clicked the upload button, I got a comment on the post. It was from this guy, named Max, just Max. He always read all of my work and writes the nicest comments under them. I haven't spoken to him personally ever since my mother kept warning me about stranger danger and that it could be some 50 year old dude. But his comments are encouraging and make me want to write more. I hope he knows the kind of effect he's having on me.

My birthday is in a couple of days, I don't know what I'll do since I don't really have a lot of friends. Even Aria is away during that time, so I don't really have anyone to go out with. My parents are busy as always.

So, out of desperation or sadness, I don't know which one, I posted on google plus saying that it was my birthday. The first person who replied was Max as always. I really wanna know when this guy sleeps or how he gets any work done if he is online so much. He messaged me personally too, to wish me again and even asked what I did. I couldn't lie because my heart was heavy, so I told him. I literally just unloaded about not having any friends and spending the day alone because work was more important for my parents. He was so nice about it. He spent the next hour talking to me and cheering me up. He's apparently 15, from Netherlands. He loves cats and lives with his dad and sister. He sounds like a fun guy.

After that, both of us ended up chatting on google plus regularly. I would message him immediately after school and spend the next couple of hours talking to him. Some times, he'd be gone a couple weekends but it was no biggy. I'm sure he had other commitments instead of entertaining a dumb teenager.

Max's birthday is on 30 September. I wanted to be the first one, so I stayed up late to match the dutch timings and wished him. He replied a little while later. He wasn't very excited about it. I get it, maybe his friends aren't there or couldn't make it to his birthday. I was gonna cheer him like he cheered me up. I wish I could send him a present. He really was a light in dark time. When I had no friends in school I could rely on, he came like the knight in shining armour. I just want to be a good and reliable friend to him like he is to me. He is such a sweetheart. We've never spoken on call yet. I guess I'm still a little scared and we've only known each other for a few months. I'm gonna hold on that but Max is a genuinely nice person in my eyes. But his dad doesn't sound like the nicest person from what he says, but I can't tell him that his dad is shitty so I just read his texts.

18/12/2013

Dear Diary, Maxie is the cutest. I haven't seen or heard him yet but I feel like he is. Otherwise, why would he encourage me to follow my dreams? He was so understanding and gave great advice. You might wonder why I needed the advice, diary. I told my parents I wanna pursue a degree in literature and we had a huge fight since apparently I'm throwing my life away and I should try to get a proper degree that might get me a job. Apparently, I'm not thinking straight. I've been thinking about becoming an author for some time now, it's my one passion, I've realised. And if it means struggling, I would rather struggle and be happy than be in a dead end job. Just because they are some big shot business people doesn't mean I wanna do that do. ugh!!! I hate them. Maxie calmed me down honestly, he heard me out and told me it was okay to follow my dreams. I think he is such a good friend. I won't tell him that, he has a big ego as is. LOL!!

I've been gaining a lot of traction on my posts on google plus. I have a couple thousand followers but Max is the most active of them all. Max is so effortlessly funny. He did ask one time if we could talk on call, I told him that my microphone was broken. I'm still a little skeptical. I know, even though I'm literally sharing everything with him, I've never spoken on call or video with him. Maybe some day.

04/03/2014

Dear Diary, I got a new phone and a new number. The previous one was one of my parents multiple numbers but this one is my own. I feel like an adult, hehe!! I made a whatsapp, maybe I'll share my number with Maxie and we might start chatting on there. Google plus had become a bit of hassle and I'm not uploading on it like I used to. I usually only open it to talk to Max. I think it would be better to shift it to another service. He's been a little busy this year compared to the last, didn't tell me much but I think it has to do with him being in his final year of high school. Can't relate, but I hope I'm done with high school soon. It fucking sucks. But on the bright side, I've gotten close to Nia and Aria and I could call Aria my best friend but she considers Nia her best friend. I don't mind being her friend. I have Max anyways.

Max has been quite busy lately, but I don't blame him. I would be busy in my final year of high school too. Even with all that, he has taken time out to talk to me. I did share my number with him, so now instead of google plus, which is a barren wasteland, we text on whatsapp. I've suggested talking on call some time when he's free, which hasn't happened yet.

We had set up a time to talk, it was really early here but I didn't mind, I was up anyways. I couldn't wait to hear his voice. I was anxious as well, what if he's some pedophile; all these thoughts raced through my head when my phone rang. Max- Hi, Y/N! Y/N- Hey, Max!! How are you? Max- I'm good, what about you? Y/N- Yeah, I'm good too. haha!! This is so weird talking to you. Max- yeah, you sound pretty. Fuck was he flirting, is this flirting? A million thoughts ran through my head, no one's ever flirted with me before. I felt my cheeks heat up. Y/N- You sound nice too. I mean....you have a nice voice. Max- haha, thanks, this is the first time some one has said that. Y/N- soooo, what have you been up too?? You've been so busy lately. There was a pause on the other end. I heard shuffling. Max- yeah, I've been busy with stuff. I'll be done soon for a while now. Y/N- That's great I need my best friend back! The conversation flowed smoothly. It didn't feel like we were talking on call for the first time. I had a lot of fun talking to Max. He sounds like a teenager, much to my relief. He's just as funny on call as he is on text.

After that, we ended up calling each other regularly. Max would answer my calls whenever but sometimes I felt bad about calling him at the crack ass of dawn in Netherland so I would avoid calling him whenever. He is so kind and listens well but damn does he talk. Every one who knows me calls me talkative, if they heard Max their ears would bleed. But I like hearing him talk, he has the most random and vast knowledge, he's helped me write too many of my papers because I didn't have to research, I could just ask him; he's like a walking encyclopedia.

17/05/2015

Dear Diary, I think I'm in love. It's not some celebrity this time but I think it's Max. I don't even know that dude's last name but I'm in love. He not like the guys in school, he's so mature and funny and sweet and understanding and he supports me so much. I didn't know when or how but I think I love him. Obviously I won't tell him. It's prolly a crush since I have't dated anyone ever. I'll get over it, can't ruin my friendship over this. As is, he has gotten so busy. I think he is going to college. He didn't say it explicitly but why else would he be so busy right now if not applying for colleges. I don't know the dutch education system but I'm sure he busy pursuing higher education. He said he liked cars, I think he'll do something with cars. I didn't really ask in more details. I'm sure he'll tell me when he wants to. We have a chill friendship, we share when and what we want to. Alas, I hope this crush doesn't ruin my friendship.

09/08/2015

This is bad, my crush on Max has only gone on to increase. He's so kind to me, what am I supposed to do? Also he's the only one who can calm me down after a fight with my parents regarding my future. Sadly, he gotten so busy. He's gone for a while every few weeks. But lately he's been free. We've been talking a lot. He sounds a lot more rested lately too. I'm sure college is tough. But he's strong and I know he'll do it.

[Little did Y/N know, Max was busy racing across the world in Redbull's junior team. He was in his first year as a formula one driver, hence he was so busy. Max had no intentions of telling her, he liked being just Max, a guy from Netherlands who could talk to her. He enjoyed the disconnect he got with her]

[unconventional-lawnchair]

Can you do a Remus Lupin and Reader where she gets hurt during quidditch and he helps her around the castle? Thank you so much and I love your writing

A/n: Thank you so much for the request!! I literally dropped everything to do this, oml. I will always priorities Reqs but this was so cute!!

Also, just realized requests weren't set to allow annon automatically?? That has been fixed on my end

Break a Leg Not My Heart

Can't Help Falling in Love Elvis Presley

Remus Lupin x Reader

Wc- 4960

Cw; Use of Y/N, Cussing, negative thoughts, reader is unhinged, reader is unsirius, (Tell me if i missed anything!)

taglist- @otterlockholmes

Everyone knew Remus Lupin could be a bit of a push over. 

Now, that's not to say he wasn't stern and serious when he needed to be, when he knew what was best, or just when Sirius said much of anything that started with ‘Hear me out.’

He was a Prefect, he was known for being a certain quality of student. Studious, always in the library studying with Lily Evans and {Y/N} {L/N}. Wise beyond his years, helping anyone who needed it. He volunteered to help tutor some of the first years with {Y/N} most Sunday evenings. Punctural, made a point to be on time to everything. Well, if he could help it, you did like to sleep in.

Not many people noticed the common theme in his actions. The traits that made up the Lycan were so tightly woven into his friendships, well, more particularly his friendship with you. He never gave up who he was, he never went that far, but it was clear that in the forethought of his, you were in every equation. Sirius certainly noticed.

Sirius would bemoan about it all the time, how you both insisted you were friends, absolutely clueless. He stood by it, however, friends don't look at eachother like you do. Remus insisted you were friends. Best friends.

The feeling was mutual, of course it was. Who doesn't want to spend every second of the day with their platonic soulmate? You would make a point to drag him around with you everywhere you went. You were never shy about it, your words slowly going from questioning to affirmatives. 

“Remus, I am heading to lunch now, come with me?”

“Remus, we are going to the Black Lake, it's hot.”

“Remus, I have Quidditch practice.”

That was another trait of Remus Lupin. He could care less about Quidditch, but not much less. He would complain about going, as he followed you upstairs to your dorm to help bring your gear down. Would try to decipher the ridiculous rules while finding a seat in the stands with Lily and Mary, both coming to support their respective partners.

That's how you got here now, same routine. You were floating above the stands, even as a backup beater you still had to attend every practice. You would complain to James about it, seeing as you only agreed to it as a favor, but he would tease you about it every time. He was lucky some stuff he said was funny. He so rarely was.

You watched Sirius, who was currently the one you were assigned to tag out. It was a lot of time wasted, just floating near your friends and talking when you were sure James didn't notice. Eventually, you turned to Remus in the stands and smiled to see him furrowing his brow at the strange reps James was making the two beaters do. 

“Rem!” You called over to him and lowered down to his eye level, still a good few yards away from them. He looked up at you and lifted an eyebrow. 

“Yeah?”

“Knock knock!”

He looked at you confused before Lily nudged him. “The muggle joke?”

He furrowed his eyebrows at her next before they shot up in realization. “Ah! Who's knocking?” He called over and you threw your head back in a laugh as Lily covered her mouth with a snicker. Mary holding Lily's shoulder as Remus looked at you three incredulously. 

“That's the bloody line, right?”

“Who's there?” Lily laughed out, and you began to dry your tears.

“Tank!”

“Tank who?”

“You're welc-” Before you could even finish the line there was a loud thud and your head jerked forward. You were confused for a moment, smile slowly falling as you looked at the three.

Everything was slowing down, and no matter how hard you squinted, your vision continued to blur. Suddenly, and gradually, hot burning pain rushed threw the back of your head. It was so jarring you teared up, and you could faintly hear a bunch of voices, but you couldn't make out what they said. Slowly, your grip on your broom lessened. 

Warm drops of what you could only assume was your own ichor dropped down your face. Then, your vision started to flash. You were far too loopy to panic, images of you on your broom slipped into a slideshow of you falling, that ended right before you hit the ground.

~~~

“She'll need to rest for the next two days for it to heal, her head is fine but her leg will need some getting used to. Two days in a cast should do her fine.”

Madam Pomfrey’s voice filled the room and you stirred with a whine. Eyes fluttering open and blinded by the lights above. 

“Ugh.. my head…” You groaned, bringing your wrist to your throbbing temple. You fluttered open your eyes and looked around you, seeing James pacing the room and Sirius in front him, while Remus seemed to be shouting at him. Your ears began to ring as your blood rushed, so you couldn't hear him, but you could see the vain in his neck bulging out at his irritation. His tanned face a deep red, and Sirius looked apologetic, just taking the verbal battering.

There was a hand on your shoulder and you turned to see Lily and Mary sitting on the chairs beside you, Peter was behind them smiling softly. “Hey,” You couldn't hear him, but you could see his lips moving. You frowned as the words became more elaborate so you couldn't quite track them.

You looked around at your friends' concerned faces. Lily looked past you and you turned, seeing Remus was kneeling by your bed and saying something you couldn't hear. You huffed and rubbed your temple, closing your eyes. The ringing slowly stopped, but the sounds of the room never returned. You opened your eyes and Remus was looking at you, filled with concern. “Starlight?”

That was a mouth shape you recognized. You reached out to touch his hand and squeeze it, blinking a bit before you spoke. “I can't hear a damned thing. But did you get my joke?” 

You watched as Remus seemed to go through the five stages of grief, before he settled on giving you the most unamused, annoyed, dead inside look you had ever witnessed. That made you smile. Well, smirk, mischievously. “That joke is literal gold, you just don't know talent.”

This time, Remus stood up and walked over to madam Pomfrey and after a small exchange she walked off. You looked around the room idly, trying to pretend you weren't anxious, patting your palms against your blanket covered legs. You could see your friends talking, but you couldn't hear a thing. Your nerves were on end. They looked worried, but you tried your best to keep calm and collected. You knew that if you began to worry, show even a bit of panic or upset, everyone else would too. What was the point anyway? Panicking wouldn't fix your hearing.

At least you don't think so-

Eventually, a hand rested on your shoulder. It was comforting and large, your right hand instinctively crossed your body to rest on it. You turned and smiled up at Remus. He held out a parchment to you and it had large chicken scratch on it. You always found how messy his handwriting was hilarious. He thinks faster than he writes.

‘You broke your leg. Pomfrey says it has to stay in a cast for a day or two, as for your hearing, she says it's a trauma response. Your body will return it when it's ready.’

You scoffed and looked at your hands with an offended bravado. “Who says they get to pick when my hearing goes? No appreciation! I keep you alive, you dumb thing!”

You didn't notice how Remus laughed at how ridiculous you were being. He always admired how easily you could brush stuff so big off. Like when you found out about his condition.

“Oh damn. That's.. so not the bee’s knees.’

Not the bee's knees. He had to have Lily explain that to him. Who in their right mind says that? To their friend in the hospital wing after confessing one of his most hated parts of himself?

He didn't know if he hated or loved you in that moment.

It grew on him, even if he denied it. You were just so damn strange.

“Darn, I guess no classes, hm?” You gave a faux sigh of disappointment. You turned to see Remus say something to Madam before turning back to you, smiling and waving his hand the quill began to write.

‘She says I can monitor you for classes, you should be fine.’

You gave him the dirtiest look you could muster.

“Hey, Rem, so you actually suck a lot.”

~~~

Remus had insisted on walking you back to the Gryffindor commons, carrying your equipment the whole way. You had to use a cane for the time being, so the second you tried to pick up the heavy bag you about gave Remus a heart attack.

Sirius, still pouting even after you accepted his millionth apology, coasted behind you both. You really wish you knew what Remus had said to him. 

When you got to your dorm Remus set your things down and set your bed up with a prop for your leg. You continued to complain about the special treatment as he nagged you for your messy side of the dorm while he was at it. You had to admit, Remus was incredibly sweet. It made your heart clench a bit at how much he seemed to care about your current state. 

You sat on your bed, taking off your robe and letting it fall behind you. Watching Remus rant on, for once, a little sad you couldn't hear his lecture. He seemed so determined to make sure you were comfortable.

Little did you know, to Remus, this was the perfect opportunity to return your kindness. To repay you for all the nights you spent with him in the infirmary, the forgiveness and patience you extended to him during the days up to the full moon, and the doting you gave him after. Not to mention, it felt a bit domestic. He would process his guilt over it later, indulging up such a thought with you unaware. 

Eventually, your roommates got annoyed with his rambling. Marlene threw a pillow at him and she grabbed you from behind making you almost scream in surprise. 

She said something to Remus that made him look away bashfully, and he looked at you, mouthing a goodnight that you returned.

~~~

Remus was at your door early in the morning, which gave you a right scare. He offered you his hand and you looked at it before tilting your head at him curiously he mouthed something and you'd don't quite understand, slowly setting your hand in his extended one.

He gave several different expressions in the matter of a second, before he threw his head back in a laugh. Usually, you'd be embarrassed, but you ended up laughing along with him. He looked happy and you knew Remus would never make fun of you out of malice.

He calmed his breathing and lowered your hand back to your cane, before reaching over this time to take your books and make, your mouth opening and a low, “Ooooohhh,” left you. He laughed at that too.

When you made it to breakfast you were talking animatedly and Remus was listening thoughtfully. He would occasionally make a nod or shake his head at some things you said, not able to face you with how your gaze was locked on him to gather all his micro expressions. He had set himself up for disaster.

Once you sat at the table and greeted everyone, you hardly paid attention to Remus. You focused mostly on your food. 

You loved being around your friends, you did, but not being able to hear them was so isolating. You could see Remus talking to James, and by the look on his face, it was likely about something they had done they most certainly shouldn't have. You could see Lily, also giving James the most incredulous look ever. 

Mary and Marlene were talking and glancing at the Hufflepuff table, but you couldn't gather a thing otherwise. Sirius was debating something with Peter who you could only describe as distressed. Some interesting hand movements later and a slap from Marlene, you could assume it was something vile. Soon, you gave in and just soaked up their presence. You didn't need to hear them to be a part of the group, just.. the conversation. 

Suddenly, you gave a small yelp as your leg was lifted. Remus, without stoping his verbal battle with James, lifted your ankle and rested your hurt foot on his lap. You melted a bit, it was always the smaller things he did that let you know you had a best friend in him. 

Just a best friend.

Even as his thumb trailed circles on your exposed knee, his forefingers resting on your inner thigh. Yup. Totally best friends.

~~~

Your leg ended up falling asleep like that. You playfully reprimanded him and he just gave you a laugh that you couldn't hear but your mind filled in the blanks. You noticed how proud and confident he seemed to be, taking care of you. It was sweet.

As you walked from class to class he carried your things and was there at your desk the second the bell rang. Then there were potions.

You shared potions with all of the boys and Lily, so you usually sat with Peter so Sirius could bum off of Remus’s hard work, leaving James to swoon while his girlfriend did all the work. You looked to the board and grimaced, wiggenweld. You knew it was a practice instead of theory day, but you were hoping for an easier potion.

To your surprise, Peter was sitting with a pouting Sirius, your usual spot cleared up. Before you could make a remark Remus put his things down and sat where Peter usually did. You found yourself smiling bright. “What the heck Remus?” You teased and sat down, once again, he lifted your leg onto his lap to keep it elevated.

Like a best friend would do.

“Can't leave me be for a half hour, Remmy?” You teased him as he took out his parchment and began to pull aside ingredients you couldn't reach with your stationary leg.

You were distracted storing out the ingredients by order and scribbling down notes on the more vague steps. You didn't get a chance to notice Remus smiling at you, his eyes sparking with new found fondness. “No I can not.” He muttered to no one in particular.

Not noticing himself as Sirius gestured aggressively to you two in aspiration. Lily laughed at his display and James covered his mouth to hide his smile. Seems Remus was finally clued in.

You began to work on the potion as Slughorn dismissed the class to their assignments. You prepped the ingredients and fell into an easy and fluid motion with Remus. You didn't have a clue why you hadn't worked together before, you did everything together anyway, and Sirius could suck it.

Your friends watched as you smiled down at the horklump, rubbing a spoon over it threw a strainer, giving a laugh as it splattered on your face. Remus watched you, smiling softly. He seemed distracted the whole practical exam, but there wasn't a moment he wasn't listening to you. 

Your test ended with a passing grade, that's all you really needed. Still, Remus apologized for being distracted. 

Remus Lupin was a perfectionist in everything he did. He felt that even in his best moments he was seconds away from failing. He improved himself until there was nothing to improve upon. He aced assignments, mentored underclassmen, pulled off some of the most outrageous pranks in Hogwarts history, he even turned down the head boy position for James, everything he had done in the last seven years felt unsatisfactory. Apathy wasn't a foreign concept to him.

Neither was pity. Those two things were handed out to him in the eyes of everyone he'd ever met. No matter how far Remus came, disappointment was still holding him by his in a silent reminder that nothing would outshine the worst of him. It swallowed him whole most days, his self doubt. So he stayed distracted, chasing the high of praise and approval. 

He was much like Sirius in that regard, but Sirius acted out and Remus did his best to go unnoticed by anyone other than the people closest to him. Unless it was about his achievements.

He wanted to be remarkable and unnoticed, it was the contradiction that was Remus Lupin.

You made him feel those two things, like he was the most important thing in the world, like you couldn't do anything without him. Then, you made him feel like a normal student. Like he was just someone in the herd. He liked that about you.

But having you depend on him, just today, there was something new brimming in his chest. He grappled with the realization that you being dependent on him for a change was more fulfilling than his collective five years of overshadowed achievements.

You seemed him out; when you found him you needed him. Not that it couldn't be anyone else, you chose him. Well, he volunteered, but when you looked up at him with those eyes of yours he knew you had no qualms with it. He felt strong, he felt needed, and he felt like he wasn't the one hurting. 

{Y/N} {L/N} never needed anyone. You made that clear since first year, you were remarkably strange and friendly, you never filtered yourself out for anyone. You were you, that's all you needed to be. You didn't need to be witnessed to live.

But you wanted Remus to witness you.

He was learning that he loved to. To witness you. 

Yet here you were, none the wiser, while Remus realized how far he had fallen for his best friend. And in all honesty;

He wasn't scared.

~~~

Once dinner came around you were reminded just how out of the loop you were without your hearing. You were poking at your meal with your head down, pushing around a bit of your uneaten food. Today had been long, and every break mostly consisted of you trailing after your group and watching them laugh and indulge in each other's presence. 

You knew it wasn't the end of the world, tomorrow morning you would be cut free of your cast and eventually your hearing would come back.

It drove you mad not knowing when though. You knew it wouldn't stay forever, you were self assured in that fact, but knowing the possibility of it being weeks, months, Merlin, even a year? An entire year of not hearing your friends' voices. Dragging Remus down with you.

You didn't notice your friend's concerned look. Eventually, as you stared down at the fork in your hand, a note slid into your peripheral, it was Lily's handwriting, the only person you know to be able to flow her letters so perfectly.

‘Ready?’

You looked up to see people had started packing up. You nodded and began to stand, Remus slipping his hand behind your lower back making you jolt a bit. He flinched away and you immediately cursed, ‘come baaaccck.’

~~~~

Your thoughts followed you to the common room. Before you could escape your friends, go allow yourself to mope, everyone insisted on drinking and talking. 

You didn't want to. You really didn't. Remus was staying behind, however, and you know how much he hated when you'd leave him to be the only responsible drinker. Not that he had to worry too much, Mary always stayed sober to reel in Marlene.

You let yourself believe he just wanted to spend time with you. 

So here you were, sitting on the couch, leaning you back against the arm rest and staring at the group as they talked. Your legs were resting over Remus’s, his lithe fingers rubbing up and down your exposed knee to the bottom of your skirt. Now, this was something Remus would never do, but you didn't even have time to enjoy the satisfying moment of slight intimacy, still too in the dumps.

Your frown deepened as you watched people get up to dance around you. Lily had put a song on the record, you only knew it to be ‘Love Grow(where my Rosemary goes)’ by Edison Lighthouse, because of the album cover she brandished to James with a little wiggle of her eyebrows. One of your favorites. 

At this point, your arms were crossed in a pout as you watched everyone dance but you and Remus. You blinked away those thoughts and turned to Remus. 

“You can go dance, I won't be offended.” You muttered out with a pout. He turned to look at you from the dancing figures. He seemed to come to some conclusion, and tapped your calf. You moved your legs and went back to watching the group before his hand was in your face. You looked up at him confused to see him offering it to you. You carefully took his hand and he lifted you up, leading you on the dance floor. You were wobbly, but he nudged your hurt foot until you arched it up, he took on most of your weight and you leaned into his chest to balance.

He began to sway, you laughed, and he beamed at how happy you seemed. It was ridiculous, you both looked ridiculous, Sirius gave a wolf whistle you couldn't hear and he couldn't give less of a fuck. 

As you got more comfortable he pulled back and began to spin and slide with you. You were a giggling mess and he wrapped his arms around your waist and faced you away from him, making you tilt your head all the way back to see him. He could have died right there. 

As the song faded out, you guys stopped your completely tone deaf moves, and he looked back with a dazzling smile at Lily who put on another song. He was panting, he could see all his friends watching with what seemed to be far too interested looks.

When his eyes went back to you, you were still staring up at him with a bright rush of affection. Somehow, always, Remus knew just what to do. Just what to say. 

The song kicked up and Remus thinned his lips a bit.

‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’ by Elvis Presley. 

He knew he shouldn't. He should fool himself with something so intimate. But you were looking back at him with so much excitement, so much love, who the hell was he to say no?

… Wise men say

Only fools rush in

He nodded to you and you spun to face him again, leg swaying a bit from where you kept it up. You moved to put some space between you, but instead, he wrapped one hand around your lower back and took your other hand. His movements were identical to Marlene with Mary and James with Lily, Sirius even managed to get a girl from one of the many onlookers to dance with him. His being much more professional.

But I can't help falling in love with you

You were confused at first, but you wouldn't say you hated it. It was intimate, as he pulled your chest to his and gave you his smile now. You pressed your tongue to your cheek and smirked at him. He gave you a playful wink as you rolled your eyes.

Shall I stay?

Would it be a sin

If I can't help falling in love with you?

He gave you a slow and careful swirl, and when you returned to him, he pulled your head to his chest and rested his chin to your head.

… Like a river flows

Surely to the sea

Darling, so it goes

Some things are meant to be

He gave you a playful dip and you finally laughed, relaxing fully into the oddly familiar feeling. He's held you before, but never so carefully. Like he could loser you at any point if one thumb was misplaced. 

… Take my hand

Take my whole life, too

He suddenly flattened out his hand against yours. You turned to look from where your face was peacefully nuzzled into his chest. You watched as he spread his fingers, and in turn, yours. Before he interlocked them. You bit your bottom lip and looked up at him. He was mouthing some of the lyrics, and you just managed to watch the last verse.

“For I can't help falling in love with you.”

Your eyes widened. Was he.. was he serious? His eyes were staring into yours like he was putting himself on the line with those words. You took a deep breath and held it, as he leaned down towards you as you both slowed to a stop. You stared at his lips, waiting so patiently for his next words.

“I love you, {Y/N}.” 

The words looked so natural on his lips. You didn't know what to say. You knew what he said. You didn't have a doubt in your mind about it. You suddenly moved in and kissed him, eyes closed before you pulled away. It was quick, it was a bit hard. His lips were chapped and his eyes were still on yours when you opened them. 

He looked stunned, and you couldn't hear the loud, “Finally!” From Sirius.

Nor could you hear Lily’s delighted gasp when he moved in and kissed you again. His hands left your side and hand, grabbing your cheeks. His fingers loosen when you meet him halfway, moving down to your neck and resting his thumbs on your cheeks.

You broke the kiss again, forgetting how to breathe. His lips followed yours before his eyes fluttered but stayed closed. You looked at him in pure shock. What do you do now? What do you say? Did it matter?

Suddenly his face scrunched up and you narrowed your eyes a bit.

“Ow ow ow ow..” Remus muttered and you flinched back when you read his lips. You had rested your casted foot against his toes. Wincing and apologizing like crazy, you moved too quickly and the weight shift caused you to fall back. He quickly caught you in a very deep dip. One hand around your neck and the other around your lower back. Your arms wrapped around his neck and everything was slow.

What a lovely cliche. 

It got even better, as he lifted you closer and kissed you again. His hand from your neck sliding down to help keep your casted leg bent to his hip. 

It was perfect.

~~~ Bonus Scene ~~~

You woke up to the sound of Marlene and Lily talking idly in your dorm room. A few days after the dancing and you and Remus had slipped from friends to more in such a simple and seamless mesh. 

A mesh of messy kisses and rushed ‘I love you’s in the hall. Late night rendezvous in the common room grossing out your friends with all the stolen kisses and messy cuddles where limbs weren't easily identifiable in the dark.

You smiled softly, unable to tame how your heart clenched and a goofy smile took your lips. Then it hit you. You could hear.

You shot your head up and began tos scramble for Remus’s jumper he left over last night. Marlene and Lily snapping over to look at you but not getting a word in before you were dashing out of the room in just your pajama pants and his sweater. 

You don't know how quickly you were running until you made it to his dorm. Your healed leg throbbing from lack of use but you couldn't care less. You slammed your way into the prefect dorms, Remus long since given you the password.

You ignored fussy prefects and walked right up to Remus’s dorm. You knocked in a rush, and the door opened to show James. You'd didn't even care to ask him why he wasn't in the Head Boy dorms, just shoving past him to hurry into the room. 

Sirius looked up from a lounge chair in the corner and smirked when he saw you, opening his mouth to make a smart remark before you interrupted him. 

“Remus?”

“Starlight?” Remus called out from the closet, stepping out in pajama pants as well, no short, and a towel in his messy hair. He couldn't help but smile at your rosey cheeked winded gasps, despite his confusion. “What are you-”

“Say it.” You demanded quickly and closed the gap between them. He looked at you confused before it suddenly hit him that you had responded and reacted to his words. You could hear him.

He let the towel fall from his hair to his shoulders as he wrapped his arms around your waist and brought you close. “Say what?”

“You love me.” You commanded with puffy flustered cheeks. Suddenly so much less confident now that you faced him. He laughed and moved his hands to your cheeks.

“You came running all the way here for that?”

“Remus, I've been waiting years.”

“I love you, {Y/N}.” He whispered and pulled you into a kiss. You smiled and gave a sigh of bliss into it. This time, you were able to hear Sirius wolf whistle behind you.

[blingblong55]

All too well- Simon 'Ghost' Riley

A/N: this is some of me in writing and why I believe romance is not for me, not now at least...so enjoy :) --- F!Reader, angst? fluff?, toxic!Ghost, age gap, older boyfriend!Ghost ----

A/N: I know Ghost wouldn't be this kind of man if he was real but I have to break my heart with him...sorry

He is older than you, years ahead of you and has more experience than you do so when you broke up with him, it was hard to let go. You at the time were 20, he was 37. People always judged and of course, you thought it was because they were jealous not because they were seriously concerned. Still, in Uni, he wanted you to make him your priority. You always said no and for some reason, he would get mad about this. At first, he was the nice guy, he was perfect and it all made you more sure that maybe there was a future with him. Your free time was spent with him because somehow, he convinced you to give all your time to him. 

This all gets noticed by all your friends. Your phone, passwords and even social accounts get monitored and checked by him. It wasn't all romance anymore. It became a reward system, you gave him your free time? Maybe he would be romantic. You let him control your friendships? Maybe he would tell you more about his weekends. Soon enough, you noticed it. Simon became the villain and for good reasons. He played the perfect part all too well, but only to those questioning stares and in those moments, it was perfection. 

When the stares looked away, he was the same Simon that had your heart trapped at the top of the castle. His anger and manipulative tactics become the dragon. Everywhere you went, his shadows lurked for you. When he said he wanted you to think of him every second of your waking life, he meant it. Will he approve of me talking to them? Your mind always asked that, even if the guy was just a friend, a literal friend and nothing more, Simon crept into your head. 

His childhood memories, being told to you, maybe it was for sympathy or maybe it was to make you think he wasn't the cold-hearted man who made you cry on Valentine's Day. "Simon! Do you not understand how rude and mean that was?!" Your heart was stabbed by his actions on that day. "R/N, you are being dramatic!" A gift that you went out of your way for in the hands of a woman who is supposed to be a best friend of yours. Two people were lied to this day, you and the naive of your best friend. "I did it, it was for you! when I made it, my mind went to you! Gosh Simon, why can't you see how rude this was!" He walks to you, hands gripping your body. "You are acting like a goddamn child R/N!" He shook you, thinking it would make you understand better. "I'm not the one dating someone young now am I?" The anger that left your mouth, oh that sent him over the edge. "Don't you fucking dare!" he said through gritted teeth. "I'm still growing, you are a grown man who doesn't even think for a moment that your fucking girlfriend did something for you! I did that and that fucking girl thinks you did it for her!" You push him and he gives you that stare. The same one your father gave you when he was made and was ready to yell and punch walls. 

Three weeks later, that is how long it took you to do it. "I'm being serious Simon, it's over." Your voice is cold and he scoffs with a low chuckle. "Aren't you too young to make the decisions here, doll?" That voice, how he gave you a condescending tone and how he approached you. "I think I'm more mature than you to know this is wrong. Me loving you is wrong and it's dead...this is over." He shakes his head and walks away furious. For weeks he called you, maybe to haunt you but every time you answered, it was the same old thing. Random numbers during class, lunch or at night called you. When they stopped, you sighed and for the first time, you smiled, a genuine one. 

The day you broke up with him was still fresh on your mind. He was a strong man, that is no doubt, so if he wanted to, he could harm you so easily. Your friend theorised that he could make you disappear, all to keep the pretty little young lover near. It is true what they say, there will always be a reason men like him stay alone for long. There's a reason why they date younger ones and not women who know best. Sometime later, that best friend approaches you, unaware of what happened between you and Simon. 

"He told me what happened." But he told her lies, told her that it was you that was the problem. After she gave you his truth, you gave her the real truth. "So...the...gift, it wasn't really from him-" "No, and I'm not asking for anything back, not at all. Just, be careful, he...he isn't the man he says he is and please...please for your own sake stay away." That same day, you found out he asked me to meet up. I thought he meant as friends, since well I thought I was his friend." She wouldn't do it, you thought. "And at first I was okay with it until he kept asking over and over. I felt weird about it because it didn't seem like it would be a friendly meet-up, I said no, out of respect for you." You hugged her. "I know he was asking to hook up but I can't do that, not to my best friend." she hugged back and you two soon talked more. 

Simon, oh that man was a mess. He soon engaged when your young heart was still grieving him behind doors. His fiance tagged people you knew, those people, some, told you he moved on. This was a game plan. Tell the young lover what was lost and maybe, they'll come running to you. It hurt but it didn't work. You noticed how happy he was. How much more he changed and in your head, you asked why he couldn't change for you. You look at the lovers that pass by, how the guy treats his girl and for a moment, you wish that was you. 

Memories come every night. 

Winter. No one knew how your heart felt for him but he did. His body is close to yours as he wraps you with the blanket, he kisses your shoulder and smiles. The art of making love was something he was an expert in. 

Summer. He takes you on midnight rides. Holds your hand and sings along with you. Your hair is in the wind as his lips meet your hand. Simon, the man who taught you so much now making you cry on the way home. 

Autumn. Your dad heard your cries as Simon explained to you why he wouldn't go to you. A woman moans on his side of the phone, "it was the movie," he explains so easily. 

Spring. Filled with arguments, tears and sex. Manipulation works its way to your body. "Fuck you!" You cry as he yet again reminds you that you are young and stupid. He degrades you this way. Reminds you that he has the upper hand for being older than you. 

You later learn he had another girl while being with you. His free time is shared between you and some other girl. Your bed is drenched in tears of regret and sorrow. The headphones blasted the words your heart cried for. 

For moments, he was liberty, fun, happiness and love. Now, when you look back at it, Simon Riley was the man who lived as the dragon of the castle, the one you had to fight off to regain your heart. You hated him for what he was. Your heart, body and soul kept him like a sword oath. The same one that had you overthinking. Did you ask for too much? Were you even a good girlfriend? 

Get out of my head, you cry. "If we had been closer in age, maybe you would understand what I wanted." He texts you some random day. That night, your friends held you as you cried in some bar. The last time you saw him was on your twenty-first birthday. Your mum asked for something from the store, so as you walk down the busy streets, your eyes catch a glimpse of him. His gaze catches yours. It was then you learned that this would be the last time you cry over him. He is dead to you, something to be proud of. 

It was then he learned you were the only good thing he had. His ex-fiance out of his life, just like you but unlike her, you were good. 

"Simon!" Your laughter fills the lounge room. "I told you, doll, this is what you get for that tickle," Simon's deep laugh belonged to yours. It's a melody. The fireplace, the laughs, the kiss after and how you both panted from an intense tickle fight. It was rare but beautiful. You cup his face, "I love you," you whisper and he grins. "oooh I knew it!" he picks you up again and you laugh. 

This is the end of the warm time

As you walk past the park, you think of the old times. It is bittersweet. The way things ended, the way he loved you, kissed you, it was good until it wasn't. Simon Riley is a man on many faces, one you know all too well. 

Love, what a miserable thing to be a part of when you had him. 

A/N: so....there's that...

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[runningupthatvecna]

the law of seat partners

alrighty so ya gurl had a dream about eddie last night and here i am trying to use that to base the following something off of.

part 2

cw/tw: eddie munson being a slightly touchy precious bean. a slight bit of angst. feeling left out/mentions of feeling unwanted if you squint. otherwise, none that i could think of, just my silly brain fluff. if you find something else, please let me know yaaa. no mentions of y/n.

summary: you're going on a high school field trip with your friends. and thankfully, a long haired metalhead is also there to keep you company and ease the pain of being around obnoxious children.

side note: this is literally the first fic thing i've written in literal YEARS (also in English) and first ever time writing for Eddie, so bare with me here, i've gotten quite rusty i guess so i truly apologise if it's rather bad. don't mind me and please reblog/leave me comments if you did enjoy this pure fluff something!

------

It was the sunniest May morning the town of Hawkins had ever seen. The bluest sky above the forests and fields, downtown, the infamous trailer park and the parking lot of Hawkins High.

You sighed as you placed your car in parking mode before opening the door and sliding out, just so you could grab your belongings - a rather big bag filled with all sorts of items that you were certain you were going to need for surviving the next week - out from the backseat.

A field trip with students with an age range from bloody twelve to the wise years of nineteen, well, twenty to be specific, was on your agenda in the almost last month of your last year of high school, and thankfully you were not gonna be stuck in some forest next to Lake Superior alone by yourself.

Being forced to exist around screaming twelve year olds who were about to enter puberty was your least favourite part of the whole expedition, which made the presence of your group of best friends so much more valuable.

There was one person whose attendance you'd specifically been hoping for. And yes, of course you and your friends had been talking about the trip months ago so it would be clear who would join in the fun, but with Eddie's tendency to be flaky when it came to decisions like this, one could never be fully sure.

I mean yeah, certainly you were looking forward to spending this week by the lakeside with Steve, Robin, Nancy, Jonathan and the younger kids in freshmen year, but nothing could make the thought of being stuck with a group of middle schoolers and teachers more bearable than being stuck there with the one guy who you - to put it frankly - had a thing for.

You couldn't really say that you were as close with him as you were with Steve or Robin, you never really spent time with him outside of the group hangouts. But that didn't mean that there was any weird distance between the two of you when the lucky occasion of hanging out did come around.

Eddie Munson was a metalhead. Through and through. Tough exterior, soft baby cow personality but could turn stone cold when necessary. When people tried to shame him for being different, for example.

You were also very certain that his love language was touch, based on the times he would throw his arm around you when casually walking you to your next class or the way he would playfully wrestle Dustin or Lucas in the cafeteria during lunch break to show he didn't hate them.

"Oh my god, I'm so glad you're here!"

Max had spotted you in line and apparently didn't feel too much guilt for cutting it just so she could hop on the bus together with you.

You mumbled the same thing back to her, wondering if you were the first or last ones of your party to go through Miss Kelley's check-in.

She greeted the both of you with a toothy smile before she turned her focus onto the sheet with students' names. Your eyes wandered over the rows of seat pairs, and since you had arrived at the parking lot, let's say not late but also not early either, most of them were already filled with loudly chatting kids.

"Hopefully the others saved us a seat", you heard Max say from in front of you. Unlike you, she already had a pre-determined seat buddy. "Oh please, it's obvious that Sinclair kept one for you", you quipped back, silently hoping you could potentially be sitting next to Steve or at least Robin.

And even if Eddie was going to join you, he'd probably be sitting with Chrissy. Or Gareth.

"That might be true, but I'm sure you'll be just fine with where you'll end up."

Max stepped further into the bus after she gave you a wink and a slight grin.

Did she know more than you?

Good boy Steve was rather easy for you to spot. With that amount of hair peeking out above the sea of headrests? No wonder. In fact, most of your friends were already seated further in the back of the one-story bus.

A slight hint of disappointment clouded your brain at the sight of Steve and Robin sharing a seat pair, with Nancy and Jonathan right behind them. Your fear of being the one left out and behind was creeping out from the back of your mind, acting up.

People had always been kind enough to endure you, but no one ever really chose you. Or at least made you feel like you belonged.

Lucas indeed had the seat next to him reserved for Max, to where she continued her strut down the aisle to plop down, while Dustin and Will had agreed to share theirs.

Surprising they made it out of bed this early.

You took a few more steps towards the back of the bus. A wide grinned Erica was seated amongst her friends in the center of the very back row, your eyes scanning the seats until they landed on the wild dark mane of a certain metalhead, who was occupying the pair of seats right behind the stairs down to the back door.

He was practically lying in the window seat. Head resting against the glass, staring out to observe the students who hadn't set foot onto the bus yet. Parents who were lecturing their kids one last time before letting them go.

Was he daydreaming? What could possibly be going on in that pretty head of his?

Your heart jumped and your stomach fluttered when he shifted his gaze to the aisle where you were standing. The widest smile spread over his face at the sight of you, and you hated to admit to yourself that it did not leave you unaffected.

The seat next to him was empty.

It took Eddie a few seconds to remember what his initial plan was. As if something in his brain clicked, as if a bolt of lightning had hit him, he straightened himself and got up.

"Uh hi there. I, uh, kept you a seat if, uh, in case you'd like to sit with me."

Eddie the freak Munson. Had thought of and would be willing to sharing seats for a 10 hour bus ride. With you, of all people?

In the light of the sunlight flooded bus, you could see his cheeks adjusting to the colour of your own. Flushed pink.

And you just couldn't help the wide grin that was pulling at the corners of your mouth.

Now both of you were standing in the aisle facing each other.

"I would love to, Munson."

Quickly you took out the essentials for the journey from your bag: headphones and your walkman, your tape collection that you wouldn't leave the house without, a novel, some water and a tote bag with your carefully selected snacks.

Eddie waited patiently for you to get comfortable, standing there in the aisle in his signature leather jacket and denim dio vest, while leaning against the backrest of his own seat, watching your every move.

Once you swung yourself around into your seat, Eddie plopped down next to you with an equally wide grin plastered across his face while pointing his ringed index finger at the snack bag.

"You know, you're gonna have to share those with me."

You turned your head around to face him, eyebrow raised.

His chocolate brown doe eyes were so so softly looking at you. If you didn't know better they'd melt you on the spot.

"Oh really, do I?"

"Yeah, it's the unspoken yet official law of seat partners, sweetheart."

You chuckled at his silliness and the pet name, the nervousness which you had gotten from the thought of him very obviously thinking of you when it came to the decision of who to sit next to, all gone.

He wanted to be physically close to you.

He wanted to spend that time on the bus around you.

He chose you.

After Steve, Robin and all the others from your group had acknowledged your presence as well with genuine smiles, and the last few kids had found their seats, it was time to leave Hawkins.

The bus hit the highway towards Chicago pretty soon after departure.

Eddie let you sit in the window seat, which eventually led to him conveniently using your shoulder as a pillow. And no, you didn't mind the weight. It was Eddie.

Hell, you were having a hard time keeping yourself from wrapping your arms around him to pull him closer.

"Does this also fall under the law of seat partners?", you asked curiously, placing a hand on Eddie's head and slightly scratching his scalp.

The only thing you got in return was a satisfied, sleepy "mhm" and a squeeze and rub of his warm hand over your thigh, but it was enough for your mind to drift off, wondering which other of Eddie's love languages and further details of his ridiculous seat partner law you'd come to discover on this trip.

-----

tagged: my beloved ellen @josephfakingquinn <3

[preciousmomentsfigurine]

hey, is anyone still here? looks like the last time i was on here was two years ago and change. things are really different now, but i guess then again it would be weird if they were the same

i was thinking of returning to this dead site because for a good fifteen years it was a big part of my life and provided me with a unique way to express my thoughts and ideas and feelings and opinions and musings to an audience of people who can hear me but not truly know me outside of my words that i share on this platform. and on the same coin i enjoy following the lives of people i know nothing about and watching their stories and selves develop and evolve from a complete distance in every sense

i'm five months sober now

i have a hard time pinpointing when exactly i became an alcoholic, but i guess i could say i dealt with it in some degree for about eight years, and progressively, as it always goes

i graduated with my masters last may (2023) in critical media studies where i spent my time writing and researching feminist cultural social and media theory. i produced a great deal of work i was and am very proud of including a thesis that is honestly my life and heart's work but unfortunately over the course of those two years my drinking escalated rapidly and by the end i was manically and drunkenly banging out papers and essays in the dead of night sleepless and naively inspired

somehow i got a 4.0 though despite that. everyone in my life always says i played off my drinking well anyway. beats me how or why

once i graduated i practically immediately began drinking all day every day while somewhat-hardly-kind-of-not-really looking for work which was fruitless and i quickly learned my degree i worked so hard for meant practically nothing to employers who were merely looking for experience i dont have outside of my teaching background in grad school

for almost exactly a year i was drunk 100% of the time i was awake

same old story, at some point i switched to bottom shelf pints of vodka, which constituted my breakfast lunch and dinner. sat on my couch in my filthy apartment occupying my filthy poisoned failing body either watching tv or causing problems somehow

this was when i was twenty-nine. for a while now i had known in my heart of hearts i wasnt someone who would ever be able to handle my liquor or drink like a normal person, whatever that means, and that too much was never enough, and that it was literally impossible to function so long as booze was a part of my life. any attempts to "cut back" or "take breaks", i knew, would end the same way, which was waking up to shots of room temperature vodka and being a prisoner to the worst shame a person can feel

i figured once i turned thirty, which was this march, that would probably be about the time i got sick of my own shit and said goodbye to the bottle. which i undeniably felt a kind of affection toward as if it were a lover. still do in a sense and thats why ill never flirt with it again

my sobriety date is april 16th 2024. my last drink was a shot of vodka at 8:30 am on the 15th after creating massive gashes in my upper arm the previous evening during a blackout fight with my boyfriend

im still unemployed and extremely mentally ill and my bipolar has gotten progressively worse over the past couple of years and will likely continue to according to what the science says and all of that. after my last manic episode last month i adjusted my meds (again) and for now they seem to be working but i don't hold my breath really

i do AA and i like it a lot, i do it my own way, i have a sponsor who approaches the program liberally and progressively and shares many of my comorbidities and has allowed me the freedom to define my relationship to the program and god in a way that works for me and i have made incredible strides through this. i have become a far far far better person.

being sober is easy and i never want to drink. not once not ever

ive never worked so hard on myself in my life because i got as close to death as i ever had and ive been very close at many points in my life for many years. when i was drinking i knew i wouldnt make it to see 35 if i continued as i was

therapy, AA, meds, a whole fucking lot of discipline

ive been with my boyfriend for two years and wed like to get married. thats nothing that will happen anytime soon but it is nice to think about. he has been by my side through unimaginable things that any sane person would not have stuck around for. he is my heart and my soul

im also trying to start applying for jobs again but im genuinely on the fence if i am capable of holding a full time job due to my severe mental illness. im exploring a bunch of options right now as far as that whole thing goes. the future is very uncertain as always

let me know if you see this or remember me or anything.

bye for now

[raisedbythetv89]

I hate all of this “well he was Buffy’s first love!” talk when discussing how much pain and devastation Angel caused in Buffy’s life as if for women our first loves MUST be horrible and painful always???? As if it was unavoidable anyway so let’s not be too critical of him.

First off, HE LITERALLY WASNT EVEN HER FIRST LOVE

The show acknowledges what happens in the movie so canonically what happened in the movie happened to tv show Buffy INCLUDING HER RELATIONSHIP. ANGEL WAS NOT HER FIRST LOVE.

Angel was just the first guy who stalked and targeted Buffy when she was at her most vulnerable and continued to constantly lie and manipulate her for his own selfish gains only to toss her aside once she no longer served her original purpose while continuing to lead her on and show up in her life every time she tried to move on and THAT is why it was so painful!!!

STOP NORMALIZING THE PAIN CAUSED BY ABUSE AND MANIPULATION AS THE SAME THING AS REGULAR HEARTBREAK IN NORMAL RELATIONSHIPS.

I did not have a good childhood, my parents had a horrible divorce when I was 7 and I had never seen a healthy relationship modeled IN MY LIFE - AND YET - my first serious relationship when I was 16 while it definitely had it problems like all young love does (his friends didn’t like how much time he spent with me and his mom both hated me for “taking her son away” but also loved me because she wanted a daughter so badly but only had sons - she was insane lol and we were both teenagers who made stupid teenager mistakes) he was with me for 3 1/2 years and absolutely would have married me if that was what I had wanted.

He would sneak out to see me when I was sad despite his strict parents, always bought me lunch because I would eat what I was sent to school with by 10 AM because I was STARVING because I had an almond mom who never fed either of us enough. Would happily listen to me rant about the twilight books as I read them during that whole phase, WROTE ME A SONG for my birthday (he was actually a talented musician and works as a sound engineer and music producer now) and basically just spent every second he could either with me or talking to me when we were apart. He loved taking me on dates and writing me love notes and we just laughed all the time. He was my best friend as well as my boyfriend and ending that relationship because I had outgrown him was SO PAINFUL because he loved me so much and even during the break up - which I handled HORRIBLY - he was kind and even gave me the birthday present he had bought me because he wanted me to have it even though it was still months away. (I say all of this to try and just show first loves CAN be more than just pain and devastation and if it isn’t making you happy a minimum 80% of the time and you instead just feel sad and confused THAT IS NOT NORMAL AND YOU DESERVE BETTER 🩷)

I know good experiences are not the case for everyone when it comes to first relationships and that’s awful and is not fair because young love SHOULD be innocent and naive. Just two idiots in love who have no clue what they’re doing but just happy to be around each other no matter what they’re doing (like what willow got to experience with Oz in high school) and Angel robbed Buffy of those experiences. He broke her trust of other people and in love and her trust in HERSELF - that’s not her “first love” that’s her first abusive relationship and calling it “her first love” or worse “her soulmate” only serves the patriarchy and harms little girls everywhere who grow up not knowing to look for or expect better because everyone around them and society is telling them “your first experiences with love and sex will be awful and painful and there’s no escaping it” when that is just NOT TRUE at all, especially if you date someone age appropriate in high school. Angel is the first older “man” she dated and like all older men with high school girls do, he took advantage of that imbalance in power in literally every way possible and I will despise that whiney little bitch until the end of time for that and wish he would have just stayed trapped in that hell dimension until the end of time as it is what he deserves.

“True love” doesn’t require severe pain and tears for it to be deep or meaningful. Don’t believe the lies terrible men like jw and so many others feed us.

[elkonigin]

I just came on here to say I love ur fics so much.

I’m currently reading supersum. I literally can’t stop. I read it until like 2am even though I had to be up super early for work. I read it on the subway there and during my lunch break too. Too good. I usually don’t read fics where kagome gets whumped bc she’s kind of a self insert for me but hurt comfort and angst hits different from u. The way u write I just get sucked in. I rlly love Brownie points too. I feel like ur stuff is the epitome of whump. The touch starvedness, hurt comfort, cuddles, caretaking etc… too good

I will be reading all the 1300 pages of supersum. (I downloaded it to files so I cld read it on the train)

That being said if u have any recs for inuyasha whump fics pls pls share bc I trust ur taste.

Ps. U definitely have ao3 author curse 😭😭 I wish u good luck in life

You have no idea how happy I am to hear this!

Supersum was a baby project of mine that like exploded uncontrollably. (I also didn't know that it was 1300 pages 😮).

But I do enjoy writing hurt/comfort. Like I want them to cuddle but I also want them to earn it, you know? I'm glad to know that my flavor of whump is appealing. I guess I don't like it when there's no payoff after all the suffering. Like I'll hurt them real bad, but then they get some struggle snuggles in and it's better. Not perfect, but better.

Some of these are from FFN, so bear with me. And some push the boundaries of "whump" but they're really good fics and I can't help but recommend them to everyone.

A Walk Through Hell Forget-Me-Not The Ronin All That Matters Fade to Black Clinging Fault Forget Me Not (this one is different) Miracles Not My Fairy Tale Pieces of Me Return to Me Sachi Light Me A Lantern

Okay, I think that's everything I can dredge up this quickly.

Also sorry it took me over a week to respond, I started at a new school and this past week I've been prepping for students and then I got them, and somewhere along the way I'm pretty sure my brain fizzled out.

[aziraphales-library]

Hellooo, do you have any well written vanilla fic recs? No AUs or other characters other than just OG Crowley and Aziraphale? One of my favorite fic authors is chaoticlivi on AO3 and I've read her works a hundred times over, I'm lookin for more fics like hers. It doesn't have to be NSFW though, I just love her writing style so much, she brings them to life so vividly, its amazing. Thanks!

Hi! I've not read that particular author, so am unsure about the writing style. I recommended some of my favourite explicit fics here and here, and here are some more fluffy feelings-filled vanilla-ish explicit fics from my bookmarks...

To Look Upon Tempests by firenzia (E)

It's only a few months since the Apocalypse, and since a certain angel and demon finally confessed their feelings for one another.

During one terribly cold, stormy December night, Aziraphale and Crowley are keeping each other very warm.

The Inherent Longing and Romanticism of the Passenger Seat by FacetiousKitten (E)

Or: Five times Aziraphale was brave, and one time he didn’t have to be.

The Light Slipping Through by cheerios_and_wine (E)

Crowley and Aziraphale are together Post-Apocanot but Crowley's been hiding part of himself during sex. Can he trust that Aziraphale will accept him as he is?

I'm Not Over You, Can I Get Back Under? by MovesLikeBucky (E)

The trouble started right there in Berkeley Square.  Right after they decided to go to lunch. Aziraphale had taken his hand as they walked to the Ritz and time had just stopped.  And not in the overwrought, waxing poetic kind of way either. No, time had literally stopped.

Everything but Crowley had stopped.  Birds hovered in the air, the wind stayed in place, the whole nine.  Even Aziraphale had been frozen in place, smile beaming on his face mid-turn towards Crowley.

It had taken a fair bit of effort to start it back up again; then they continued on like nothing happened.  Aziraphale was smiling and talking animatedly with no idea of what had transpired, and their fingers stayed intertwined all the way to the restaurant.  It was nice, this affection thing.  He thought he might be able to get used to it. 

Earthly Pleasures by AstroGirl (E)

Aziraphale has always thought that human sex looks like a great deal of fun. Perhaps now it's something he and Crowley can enjoy together.

the voice under all silences by ShadyCakes (E)

He can’t do this.

“Can I—” he bursts, stops, overflows again. “Would it be too terribly forward of me to ask—”

This is so much. How can small words hold so much? Perhaps he can keep it in, after all. If the words can hold it, maybe he can too. Maybe he won’t crack and rupture.

Or: After the bus ride back from Tadfield and the erstwhile End of the World, Aziraphale reaches his breaking point.

- Mod D

[once-upon-an-imagine]

Hi, I hope ur doing well bc I rlly love ur writing🥺anyway can u do a sweet boyfriend James scenario with a reader who’s been avoiding him because she suddenly broke out on her cheek and is self conscious about it😭I literally have the worst skin in the winter and I’m trying so hard not to cry but my skin is so important to me😭😭😭😭like I’ve never felt uglier and I know breakouts are normal but still🥺😭

Thank you so much for liking my writing, love! And I am so sorry! I totally get that and I hope you get well soon! I know how annoying skin things are! 🥺 sorry, this turned out to long for a dialogue so I made it a drabble, I hope you like it  😊 Warnings: reader feeling insecure about the breakouts on skin Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter 😊 gifs aren't mine 😁

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Unpretty

"Sweetheart?"

"Go away!" James heard on the other side of the door of your dorm.

"It's James" he tried again.

"I know! Please, go away!" he heard you again, feeling his heart shatter.

You always wanted to see him. He hadn't seen you all day. When you missed breakfast and he thought maybe you slept in and would be late. But you never came. If it wasn't because Remus forcing him to go to Potions, he would have gone straight to your dorm. You didn't come during first period. Or second period, making him worry. When he looked you on the Map, he saw you were still in your dorm and his worries lessened a little. He grew anxious because maybe you were sick. But none of your roommates had said anything to him, and they did whenever that was the case. He wanted to go look for you after Transfiguration was done but he had Quidditch practice and, being the captain with a match on Saturday, he couldn't really skip it. He hated it when he didn't see you there, waiting for him to go to lunch, as you always did. So, here he was with a basket full of food, waiting for you to open the door.

"Princess, you weren't at breakfast, or classes, or lunch" he insisted. "I'm starting to get worried. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Jamie, please just... go to lunch!"

"I'm not gonna go without you, love. What is going on?"

"Nothing! I'm just not feeling well!"

"But... I haven't seen you all day!" he whined. "Sweetheart, please just open the door. You know I'm not going to stop worrying until I see that you're okay" he told you.

You knew he was right. He wasn't going to leave until he saw you. You grabbed your wand and pointed it at the door so it would slightly open, but you remained on your bed underneath your blankets and comforters. James slowly entered your dorm and you could hear his footsteps approaching you until you felt a weight sitting at the end of your bed.

"You've seen me, Potter. Now you can go away" you mumbled, grumpily.

"No, what I see is my beautiful girlfriend wrapped in a cocoon of blankets" he said, trying to remove some from you but you pulled them tightly. "Love, what's going on? Do you have a fever? Do you need me to take you to Madam Pomfrey-?"

"No!" you quickly replied.

"Okay, fine. I guess, I'll just... eat all of these brownies by myself then" he said, grabbing the picnic basket and placing it on your bed. You slowly peeked a little from your blankets and James could only see your eyes, looking back at him. "Oh, there she is. There's my beautiful girlfriend" he smiled, trying to pull you to him but you pushed him away.

"I'm not beautiful today" you mumbled.

"Honey, what are you talking about? You're always beautiful!"

"No, not today! I have been really stressed because of exams and my period is coming next week and my stupid face decided to have a stupid breakout and I look horrible!" you said, pulling your blankets closer to you again and resuming your original position, away from James.

"Princess" he said, feeling his heart breaking a little at the pain in your voice. "Is that why you stayed here today?"

"Yes! I look like a troll!"

"Sweetheart, I seriously doubt that's true" James said, with a small chuckle.

"Easy for you to say! I bet there's not one day in your life when you haven't looked perfect!" you replied.

"What are you talking about? I don't look perfect!"

"James, I have seen you naked. You always look perfect!" you insisted.

"Oh, if you want to play that game, I have also seen you naked, my love, and if any one of us is perfect, it's you" he said, lying down next to you but you still didn't budge. "Fine, if you're not coming out, I guess I have to come in" he said.

"What-?" before you could continue, you felt the blankets around you fly away before it quickly placed James underneath them again. There was no way out now. Your boyfriend was facing you with the most enamored look on his face you had ever seen.

"Hello, gorgeous" he smiled goofily at you, wrapping his arms around your waist and you quickly buried your face in his chest, feeling tears in your eyes. "Hey, what's this for?" he said, stroking your back with his hands.

"I look h-hideous, Jamie" you said between sobs.

"Sweetheart, I know that you may feel that way because you don't feel comfortable right now, but I promise you could never look hideous" he insisted.

"Y-you have to say that because you're m-my boyfriend" you said, still not looking up at him.

"No, I say that because it's the truth" he said, kissing your temple. "Could you please let me look at you? I haven't seen you all day. You have been really mean to me" he pouted.

"I'm sorry" you murmured, still looking down.

"It's okay" he said, gently cupping your cheek and making you finally look up at him. "There's my beautiful girlfriend" he said, leaning down to give you a soft kiss on the lips and making the tiniest smile appear on your face.

"You're a dork" you said, trying not to laugh.

"I know, I have the thick ugly glasses to prove it and my dorky hair that goes everywhere" he told you, making you glare at him.

"I love your dorky glasses and your messy hair" you pouted, running a hand through his messy locks.

"See? So how come you don't believe me when I say you still look beautiful?"

"It's not the same thing!" you insisted.

"It's the exact same thing, love" he said, kissing you again. "Does it hurt?" he asked, his expression turning worried and you felt yourself smiling even brighter at him.

"A little" you told him. "It's more uncomfortable than painful" you assured him. "But I already took some meds so it should be gone in a few days" you instructed him.

"Wait a minute, were you planning on avoiding me FOR DAYS?!" he said, dramatically with a hurt look on his face.

"No" you assured him. "I was hoping that they wouldn't look as bad tomorrow" you said.

"Well, that is still just cruel, love!" he said, pulling you closer to him and peppering your face with kisses.

"Jamie!" you complained, giggling as he kissed you once more. "I believed you mentioned some brownies?"

"Is that all I am to you? Your brownie dispenser?"

"Of course, not!" you said, kissing him again. "You're also my personal teddy bear that I can cuddle any time I want" you said, laughing a little.

"You're lucky I love you" he said, sitting up, making the blankets into a fort above the two of you before he grabbed the picnic basket.

"I really am" you said, sitting up next to him and kissing his cheek. "I love you too" you said, as he kissed your temple.

The End

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

A/N: hope you liked it, loves :)

[nekrosmos]

*burst into your room through your window* hi- *coughs glass shards out* I am here to say MANY things, positive things about your fic you wrote, but honestly it's more like my live reaction and my fav parts of the fic, it's gonna be long!!!! I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND READING ME YAP!!!

First of all, ∞/10, this is your first fic??? IT'S SO GOOD!! you got the atmosphere the vulnerability the softness the banter AND the good ol smut down, I love it, it was like I was joining them in the fishing trip because of how nice the visual was

ok from here on out it's all about my fav parts of the fic HEHE

the two had aged together is!!!!!!so!!!!!!!!freaking!!!!!!sWEET!!!!!they've been through it all together for the longest time!!!!!!

something about this just makes me change the way Im looking at Price, like..."he just love her" is such a deceivingly simple line but it holds so much weight. He may have "love" him but it was never a full attachment, rather just...embracing the love he was offered. He loved her because he could, not because of...everything el1se that matters. At least that's how I see it and GOD it hurts so good

ah hem AKSJDHAKS how did Nik not choke on air for that- anyways

Im getting my pitchfork for that CO (even tho the bastard is not around anymore) and the way Nik also got him?! *wails*

"there had been a lifetime of missed opportunities between the two" IS SUCH A GOOOOODDD LINEEEE GRRGGR YOUR BRAIN!!

🥺something about them giggling and being themselves just GRIPS MY HEART!!!!

it's the fact that the "friend" turned to "love" that got me feral I was SOOOO KASJHDKADJ hAPPY for em

chef au....

Nik the mAN YOU ARE!!! THE REST I COULD LIVE WITH!!!!GRRR!!! SUCH GOOD LINE!!! HIS NIK!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was walking when I read this part and basically fist the air in victory KASJHDKAJH also I love the train of thought here for Price...it's such a him thing to overthink

there is nothing wrong with that - URGH RIP MY HEART OUT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

again, another great line, frame this and smack it to my forehead because yes, that is Nik

I really really like in between the spicy scenes there are goofy scenes because...my god it just make everything lighter and more...how to say? real. In the moment and all, yk, it's so nice reading them laughing and stuff. But also this line "their romantic relationship wasn't born today, but weeks ago" again, chef kiss

very long ramble and Im surprised im allowed to type this much into an ask (ah heck it could get cut for all I know but) just know this fic was a lifesaver during my lunch break, had an extremely hard day and this helped a bunch.

Im looking forward to see your future fics if you do write them!!

Okay I'm officially smiling like an idiot and I think I'm gonna have to reread your ask many, many times because HOLY SHIT you just made me so unbelievably happy ​😭​😭​❤️​❤️​❤️​

It was my first fic with them !! I've been writing for a long time, switched to english a few years ago and have been writing casually ever since ,,,, But this was the longest fic I've ever posted and it was a nice challenge honestly !!

Also the way you pointed out some of your favorite scenes jdvlskjd,vpùidjvbpvj I'm losing my mind, I'm so happy ​😭​ I literally couldn't ask for better feedback !!!

I actually really like your interpretation of that line about his ex wife !! I left it pretty open so people can hc whatever they want :3c In my personal hc, he really did love her immensely, but he kept hurting her unintentionally by never being around, never giving her what she needed because of his work, etc. ​Just one of those "it wasn't meant to be" relationships. (Also, other random hc, but Nik was here at Price's wedding, he got along really well with his ex wife, but everything about it broke his fucking heart over and over again. Oops 💔)

And I'm so glad you pointed out the banters during the smut scene !! It's my favorite thing to do honestly !! To me, sex scenes don't have to be so serious all the time, I like when characters communicate while it's happening, I like when they're laughing together <3 And these two have so much shared history that it just makes sense to me !!

God, again, thank you so much for this, you really did just make my day Gomz !!!! You're absolutely lovely !!

[phantom-playdough]

Macaque x GN!Reader: Comforting

EDITOR NOTE FOR TITLE

Changed the title cause I WANTED to use the quote: "You're worrying me..." But I completely FORGOT about that line, LOL

Didn't know what else to call it, but it is LITERALLY 2:00 am, so this is the best I could come up with.

===========================================

This is my first post on this Tumblr blog, and I thought it would be super fun to write something for Macaque cause I adore this boi. I also noticed that there is a distinct lack of hurt/comfort fanfics for him on every platform I am on. So I will do it myself.

TWs: Mentions of nightmares, a lot of trouble eating and sleeping, the reader struggling with self-care in general, angst(?) in the beginning and middle, but there will be sweet fluff and confessions at the end to make up for it! I will add to these warnings if need be.

==========================================

Macaque tried to let it slide at first. He really did. But it was almost 3pm and Y/n was still sleeping...! Normally, he would probably just assume they went to sleep late the night before or something. But the thing is... this has been happening for over a month now.

It worried Macaque because his first thought was that something was wrong with Y/n’s sleep.

As the clock ticked on, closer and closer to late afternoon, he decided he couldn’t wait anymore and went to wake Y/n up.

When Macaque opened the door, he realized he had not been in Y/n’s room in a while. It was rather messy, to say the least. Clothes were thrown on the chair and desk and were lying on the floor. There were small wrappers all over the dresser.

Even though Y/n was lying in bed, it was super messy. Some of the blankets and pillows were lying on the floor around the bed, and one of the plushies that previously was on the bed was somehow thrown to the other side of the room, in front of Macaque's feet at the bedroom door.

Macaque picked up the plushie and slowly approached the bed, placing it by Y/n's feet. When he looked at Y/n's face, Macaque noticed their face twist into a look of discomfort. Their eyes were screwed shut and they groaned like a zombie.

It didn't take a brain scientist or rocket surgeon to figure out what was happening to Y/n in their mind. Macaque wanted nothing more than to wake them up; he wanted to relieve them of whatever horrors they were dreaming about. But he bit his tongue and held back, knowing better than he probably should that being woken up during a nightmare can cause more harm than good.

The mental image of Y/n being woken up, crying or even screaming because Macaque was too selfish made his heart clench. He just decided to wait by his best friend's side, even though his heart raced so fast it almost made his ears ring.

Macaque gently grabbed Y/n's hand, swallowing his pride, and rubbed gentle circles onto their skin. He couldn't say how much time had passed as he watched Y/n, his heart breaking as he saw them grow antsier in their dream.

Finally, Y/n opened their eyes. They squinted at the sun shining through their bedroom window. They looked over at Macaque, seeing that he didn't even bother trying to hide the fear on his face. It was only then that they noticed Macaque's hand on their own as his grip tightened slightly. It wasn't enough to hurt, but it showed that he was very scared.

Y/n simply spoke in a hoarse voice, "Hey, Macaque." They then cleared their throat. "What are you doing in my room? Is something wrong?"

Macaque adverted his eyes, glancing around. He had a smirk on his face to try and hide his anxiety. "I, uh... I was actually kinda hoping you could tell me that."

Y/n shrugged. "Nothing new." They said as they slowly sat up. Before Macaque could question what they meant, Y/n turned to him and spoke with a slight blush. "Mind if I get dressed?"

Macaque blushed and cleared his throat. "Yeah, sure. Take your time. I'll go make you some lunch."

"Don't you mean breakfast?" Y/n asked, clearly unaware of the time.

"Breakfast doesn't happen past three, Y/n." Macaque said with a smirk. He then left the room. Y/n sighed as they checked the clock.

Sure enough, 3:15pm.

Y/n dug through the piles of clothes on their desk and chair. They finally landed on an outfit they had worn a few days this week. While they were aware they should do laundry, the thought was too depressing to commit to. The idea of all the clothes to sort through and self-loathing over not doing the laundry sooner made Y/n shiver in discomfort.

The aroma of eggs on the frying pan, mango juice, and waffles filled the air in the kitchen. Y/n felt their mouth water, their stomach growled so loudly that it alerted Macaque of their presence.

"Hungry?" Macaque asked with a chuckle. Y/n nodded sheepishly.

"I thought you said breakfast doesn't happen past three." Y/n pointed out with a sweet smile. Macaque found himself staring at that perfect smile for longer than he should've been. He snapped out of his trance and cleared his throat, turning his attention back to the eggs.

"I don't remember saying that!" Macaque played dumb to see if he could get a reaction from Y/n. He did.

Y/n laughed lightly, before their expression turned soft. "Thanks, Macaroni." Y/n was the ONLY person that could call him that. Period.

There was a small silence that followed as Macaque focused on finishing the cooking.

Eventually, it was all done, and the pair started eating. Although, Y/n suddenly felt very full, despite only eating less than five bites. They pushed the food on their plate around, trying to motivate themself to eat. But for some strange reason, the smell of delicious food that made them want to eat a mountain suddenly made them never want to touch food again.

It was all so confusing, these feelings. Macaque noticed that Y/n lacked the sparkle in their eyes as they stared down at their plate. He heard another loud gurgle from Y/n's stomach, but they didn't make an effort to eat.

"Does it taste that bad?" Macaque chuckled as he asked to hide his disappointment.

"No! No, no, no! I-it tastes good, I swear!" Y/n yelled, their hands waving in front of them frantically. "I just have been having trouble eating lately! Sometimes I feel really hungry and everything, but I--"

Macaque grabbed Y/n's hands in an attempt to stop their loud rambling. It worked, thankfully. "It's okay, Y/n. I'm not mad." Macaque said a soft and sweet tone in his voice. "How about I save your food for you?" Macaque was reaching for Y/n's plate, but he still waited for them to say something, to not pressure them.

There were a couple seconds of small silence, but eventually, Y/n nodded once. Macaque frowned for a moment, but he smiled again as fast as he could to hide his fear deep inside. He took the plate and saved the food; the two were worried, even if for different reasons.

Y/n felt scared of the idea of telling Macaque was wrong because they didn't even know what was wrong!

Meanwhile, Macaque was trying to figure out just that. Things were so good only a month ago, but slowly, Y/n fell back. It worried him so much because Y/n and he had become so close over the time they had known each other.

Macaque hadn't expressed it much, but Y/n had helped him in ways he never thought possible! They helped him overcome his insecurities. They helped him grow more comfortable with touches that didn't involve fighting. Heck, they even helped him become friendly enough to do things like offer a stranger on the street a small smile!

Macaque didn't like the fact that he was unable to help Y/n at the moment. He felt that problems were meant to be solved. He wanted nothing more than to scoop Y/n up and pepper them with kisses. To give them comfort for whatever was troubling them. But he didn't want to scare them off.

The two of them had been friends for so long. Macaque didn't know he could feel this level of love for someone since...him. Even though Macaque knew Y/n long enough to know that he loved them, he didn't know if that was reciprocated.

But it was. Y/n was just as afraid of the idea of Macaque not feeling the same way, so they made their affection as subtle as possible so they wouldn't ruin the friendship. When they first met Macaque, he was so bruised deep inside. Y/n refused to call him broken the entire time they had known him. Because he was so much stronger inside than he ever thought.

But now, Y/n felt much more bruised than they had in a long time. It scared them.

Eventually, everything was cleaned up and put away. Y/n was still sitting at the table when Macaque walked over to them and offered them his hand.

Y/n gave him a confused look. But they trusted him and placed their hand in his. Macaque pulled them out of their chair and led them to the couch. He sat the two of them down and very gently wrapped an arm around Y/n's shoulder to pull them close to him. He leaned them back, and Y/n curled their legs up onto the couch and leaned on him.

The two of them stayed like that for a while, their faces beet red and hearts racing a million miles a second. But eventually, Macaque couldn't handle the silence anymore. He turned his head to look at Y/n, bringing a hand up to hold their face to meet his gaze.

"You know you can tell me if something is wrong, right...?" Macaque whispered the last word so softly that it made Y/n's stomach flip.

They nodded one time. But they knew that kind of response just wouldn't cut it. Y/n sighed and pulled their head away from Macaque's grip.

"I know I can tell you. But I don't even know what I know to tell you. For some reason, I have felt really out of it the past couple of weeks. I want to eat, but I can't. I need to sleep, but I get nightmares. I...I want to hug you, but I am scared."

Not even a second after that last sentence left Y/n's lips, Macaque grabbed them and hugged them as though they would disappear. "You don't have to be scared, Y/n. I...I don't usually do this. Expressing myself, I mean. But with you, it's different." Macaque laughed just a little bit. "I don't usually let people get as close to me as you. I trust you to call me Macaroni. I let you touch me. I...I let myself love you."

At that moment, Y/n smiled wider than they had probably all their life. They pulled away and looked Macaque in his gorgeous eyes. "I let myself love you too." Macaque smiled, and he looked from Y/n's eyes to their lips. Y/n got the hint pretty quickly, and the two of them slowly leaned in.

Macaque and Y/n were a hair away from kissing, but Macaque still mumbled over the thick silence, "Are you sure?" Y/n answered by closing the distance and kissing him. It was short, and they pulled away too soon for Macaque's liking. He pulled them back in but gave Y/n room to break away should they choose to.

They didn't.

Eventually, the pair parted for air. Macaque took Y/n's hands and held a look of love on his face that made Y/n feel like royalty. How many people got to see this side of him? Sadly, not enough.

"I'm willing to work with you on what's bothering you. I can't fix this overnight," Macaque said sadly but smiled as he continued. "But I mean, you helped me. I might as well try and return the favor."

Y/n smiled, kissed one of his ears, and whispered, "I'd like that."

[fantasyfantasygames]

Shop Talk

Shop Talk: a game about being trapped, Seshi Gupta, 2021

Shop Talk is a solo journaling game about being a shopkeep trying to avoid creepy suitors. Potential content warnings here - nothing in the game as written crosses lines, but it's very realistic in depicting problematic situations.

Gupta herself had an interview about Shop Talk during the pandemic:

"So there I am in 2018, young, just out of college, working at some random shop in San Francisco. And these guys keep coming in. Friendly. And they want to talk. "So for the first week I'm like 'Sure, you know, maybe I can sell them something,' so I talk to them. And it always ends with some sort of proposition. Dinner, or a movie, or sometimes they'd be, you know, really rude. I'm like 'Look, I'm just here to sell watches or paper or whatever, I'm not here so you can hit on me.' "I told my friends later, they said 'Oh yeah that's the job. Serve coffee and put up with guys who have you trapped and know you can't leave.' I'm like 'Wait all of you?' and yes, every single one of them. All of them. And it stuck in my head. Eventually I wrote a game about it, so maybe someone will find out what it was like."

Shop Talk doesn't specify a setting. It could be the modern day, or it feels like it could also be a Miyazaki-esque eternal mid-20th-century scenario. It provides you with some scenarios to write your way through. Each one starts with a job description - not the one that was on paper when the shopkeep was hired, but the things her boss expects her to do if she doesn't want to get fired. Here's a sample one for a barista:

Smile at every customer when they come in. Take their order with courtesy. Apologize when we're out of something. Smile when you hand them the receipt. When you're not busy, clean the place up or prep for the rush. Thank people if they help you but don't ask them to help you. Answer the phone but don't stay on it for more than a minute. You get two 15-minute breaks and a half-hour lunch. If I'm here I'm doing paperwork, don't call me out there except during your break.

Unlike some journaling games, where you're more literally writing in your journal, this one asks you more to write a description of the scenario with no internal monologues. No references to the emotional or mental states of the characters. You're given motivations for the customers, but you write down just pure, observable, verifiable facts.

The prompts that it gives are things like...

Does she get a phone call? What does he do while she takes it?

Does she smile at this customer? Does he say something about it?

How often does he come? How long does he stay?

What parts of her does he look at?

Does he wink at her?

Does he talk to her when there are other people or only when they are alone?

Does he show up when her shift is over?

Is her boss present in this scene? Does he ask about her boss and whether they'll be here today?

...just very straightforwardly addressing the job description, but also directly addressing points of potential danger or threat. When you read it afterward you get a pretty solid sense that things are awkward at best and feel dangerous at worst.

Gupta put the game up on itch, then took it down, then put it up again, and has said that she feels nervous about having published it because of potential backlash. I think that says as much about the situation she was in as the game itself does.

[intransigenttessellate]

monday june 18, 2024 | day 35

hello everyone. it has been an insane 12 days. like literally wtf i don’t remember most of it.

anyway, i got 2 new jobs !!! my schedule is completely fucked bc ya girl is now working a night shift while going to school during the day?? i’ll sleep when i’m dead ig lmao

i am dropping philosophy tomorrow morning when i meet with my advisor bc i have been behind since of the registration issues & i just can’t get caught up.

had my bio midterm today & think i killed it lowkey. i also meet w/ my TA to go over my lab report rough draft in depth tomorrow morning (today morning technically since i’m writing this at 03:09 am on my “lunch” break). hopefully she likes all 1655 words about antacids.

love you all, hope you’re well. alice just got the all good from the vet !! a whole 7.5 lbs so she is the PERFECT weight. crazy to think how long it took to get her here! olive is like 03 lbs from her target weight so !

i am alive & kicking ass. fuck my old job & so excited for the new opportunities. we are rocking & rolling baby!!!

[thelikesofus]

Don’t hate me but I love pirate au

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Spotty my darling I could literally never hate you 💕 here is some fresh off the press (written during my lunch break) pirate fic:

“I am going to go find Bobby. Will you be alright?” Buck asks and Maddie nods, still smiling at him, softer now.

“Yes, Howie is going to show me around the ship.” She says.

Buck has so many questions about his sister and Howie. How they met, why they became friends, close enough friends for him to help her flee from her husband? But he doesn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth and he also doesn't want to keep Bobby waiting.

“Okay, stay safe. I will see you later on.”

She squeezes his forearm as he stands and Buck bends to kiss the top of her head as he leaves.

make me write

[phantomram-b00]

*clap hand and sigh* Look I should not be up at this hour (I was up at 5 am writing this) or posting since I don’t want to accidentally get myself shadowbanned or whatnot (I do have another good omens post coming up regarding metatron so stay tone for that). But I saw like some post regarding how Aziraphale doesn’t love Crowley as much/Azirpahale never did anything for Crowley. And it been wracking my brain because, did we not watch the same show? (I would say book but I’m still reading it)

Look before i continue, I do think we all have opinions, that’s valid. I just want to say my two cent since I can’t find myself agree with those claims.

But imma give Crowley his flowers because this soft demonic husband deserve it, yes, he done stuff for Aziraphale. Some that can risk him getting destroyed by hell such as saving the literal angel of eastern gate. He’s take him out for lunch, help him whenever Aziraphale ask him too. If there was a way to describe the love language “act of service” that’s Crowley to the absolute T. So I don’t think we can deny that fact about him, but Crowley would absolutely disagree with the fact that Azirpahale has done nothing for him consider the fact that there evidence and implication that Aziraphale done stuff for him.

In episode 3 of season 1, during the Shakespearean era segment, it was said that they do each other blessing and temptations since as Crowley stated “they don’t care how it done as long as they can cross it off the list” so who know how many temptation/blessing Crowley and Aziraphale did for each other, (lowkey I would love to see how Aziraphale does temptation, i miss this part as I’m rewatching GO for the metatron post coming up I don’t know how I missed that part but now that I discover this, make me think). The point is, this is one of many indication that Aziraphale does help Crowley.

Same episode, Holy Water, now this is the prime indication that I think we can all agree (or not, I’m just a phantom writing this blog). Now, before, can we see just how Aziraphale didn’t say “oh I can’t give this to you because I’ll get in trouble” no he said “it will destroy you”; that show just how he cares about Crowley, he doesn’t care about his job or that he was breaking the rules no no his main concern was Crowley. Sure he did after words when mention “fraternizing” (which honestly Crowley, me too I would be mad too if fraternize was used. But I can understand why Aziraphale said that as well.) but Crowley put Aziraphale in a difficult position, because while sure maybe Aziraphale could give him holy water but that would be not only breaking protocol but also giving him worry because given this happen after Elspeth episode, of course his mind will be concern of this whole thing. Especially with him saying “if anything goes pear-shaped”. And you know in 1967, he does give it to him overall, regardless of what he said. Because at least imo, he learn that he has to trust him. Just like how Crowley trusted him in 1941 with the magic show (remember this.) he trusting him here.

Okay now this is mostly all of season 1/2 before I mention what he’ve done for Crowley in season 2. The fact that Aziraphale help Crowley try to stop armageddon. Now you might be saying one or two things “Phantom, he back out in episode 3” or even “um, but it was mutual?” And you know you’re right on both those points. He did back out and it was mutual, but it still an example of doing something for Crowley. Why? Because they both love earth, they would do anything to preserve earth. Not only that, they can’t bare the idea of having to fight each other in this celestial war let alone the idea of one of them getting hurt. So they would not have gone through with this end of the world stick if it mean that they lost everything, now Crowley did agree with armageddon on general terms as God said in episode 1, season 1. BUT, actually doing it and going through with it is a different playing field and Crowley nor Aziraphale don’t want to lose everything they love (especially each other). Now it did take a lot of convincing, most because Azirpahale want to stop it more than Crowley but there one thing that is holding him back or make him scared to go against them: Heaven.

It kinda like an analogy where, say, you’re getting bullied or say that you’re dealing with an toxic family member, boss, whoever. And you yourself know they’re toxic, and you have people who can tell you “stand up to them” or “don’t let them get to you, tell them off”. And you can agree and try to build courage. But actually doing it is as the famous saying goes “easier said then done”, and Aziraphale would rather just put a fake smile and try to make everything look good so that he doesn’t get reprimanded by heaven, he doesn’t have Crowley’s confidence which I have this feeling most people forget about. Sure, Aziraphale have all rights to tell them off after the shit we the audience see or hear them do to him, or what Aziraphale had to allow happen, such as the flood for example or witnessing the crucifixion of Jesus Christ or even the fact that they almost killed him with hellfire, just because he wanted to save the universe. (Also the fact that it might have been implied that they drill into his head that if he ever does anything against God’s “plan”, he will fall like Lucifer or any of the other angels). But he can’t. Which is why he back out at first, because he was terrified that he would get in trouble or fall. (Which. Without saying much, I kinda would’ve done the same in fear.) and you can see it in his eyes, that he want more than anything to run away, yet, he still trying to push it down. Bottle it up if you will as his effort to try to back out. Now of course as we all saw how season one ended, he did ended up saving the world after all and I think Aziraphale and Crowley would do it again so they can be on their own side. So Aziraphale did hold his end of the bargain when it came to saving the world which is why I’m including this in my argument because yes this is mutual, Aziraphale still pull through with not just the help of Crowley but with Agnes Nutter’s book and Adam himself.

Now imma go with season 2, which is “season of love” as Rent would say.

Now, we love it, we cried about it, or we want to rip metatron a new asshole (which imma just say, I have never seen a fandom have this much togetherness of hating a character since GOT with Joffrey. But I’m all in, I hate him in season 1, season 2 just made me hate him more. But I will say, Derek Jacobi is doing a phenomenal as him and I can’t wait to see what season 3 will have with Metatron.) but I digress, let continue this rant.

Episode 2, season 2, is the episode that solidified many things for me. But let get to the point, Aziraphale could’ve stop Crowley from “killing everything job worked hard for” but he was gonna let him do it because Heaven said “oh yeah we decided to make this poor man lose everything because we wanted to win a bet with Satan.” But seeing how Crowley didn’t actually kill the goats, made Aziraphale happy, and in a sense began trusting Crowley’s process here. Even when Crowley set the house on fire and turn the kids into gecko, he still trusted him. And sure enough, everything work out at the end as Aziraphale help him through this plan on giving Job back his kids (even though heaven was gonna make job’s wife give birth to seven more kids. Which my crotch hurts from hearing that-). Sure Azirpahale had doubts and had a breakdown, but given as I mention earlier and how he’s the only angel (maybe besides Muriel) that have a conscience and broke a rule by giving away the sword, he have conflicting views but also is trying not to have a conscience to fit in with the angels and follow their lead despite he was never seen as an equal. But this still is example never the less as if Aziraphale didn’t do something thing would’ve ended different.

Now imma get to the one that is probably another prime example of Aziraphale doing something for Crowley, is the magic show (or at last the minisode in episode 4). After Crowley saved Aziraphale, he had to go to deliver something for the black market, and seeing his item was destroyed (most likely from the bomb), he got reprimanded by Mrs Henderson. And on Crowley’s behalf, Aziraphale decided to volunteer as a magician. He even bought the gun to do a show stopping trick so that it can impress her and not reprimand Crowley any longer (but of course just an excuse to do magic, which me too. I love magic). Now Crowley did have his concerns especially with the gun and also that Aziraphale never done this in front of many people. But this episode, they both have to trust each other, Crowley with the magic trick and Aziraphale trusting Crowley with not just the gun but he trust that he would never hurt him.

Now I’m sure I’m forgetting more with season two (mostly because i still rewatching it starting from season 1, so let me know if you think there were other example of Azirpahale doing stuff for Crowley. Whether it was from season 1/2.)

But I think also the other thing is that, they actively protect each other from their side, they keep their friendship a secret. They swap bodies to not get burn by holy water/hellfire. And much more, so I dislike it when people think Aziraphale done nothing for Crowley when he ultimately have. Sure it seem Crowley does stuff more for aziraphale, but we can’t pretend like he didn’t do anything at all and I’m pretty sure he would done more for him if it wasn’t for heaven constantly being in the way.

As for the love point, imma say this, people show love differently. Why do you think we have so many ship dynamic and it usually two with either similar/opposite contrasting with the other love interest. Aziraphale show love in a different way, now I’ve seen people say that aziraphale love language would be physical touch, which, I think make sense considering he did held Crowley’s hand and we’ve all seen the amount of time he touched Crowley. However what if I told you his love language was Quality time? Because, Aziraphale usually talk about “oh why not have a picnic” or whenever Crowley offers lunch, he lights up. Or of course when Aziraphale tries to convince Crowley to use the Bentley he said “just like how that bookshop is technically mine but we get quite a use of it.” Or perhaps, whenever they’re with each other; Aziraphale have a smile. (Even when sometimes he tries to hide it, I love smiles). He can’t go a day without Crowley despite that they always been separate from each decade but I have my feelings that whenever they separate, Aziraphale feel a bit lost without him, not to say he doesn’t have other things but we all miss your best friend/crush/soulmate/etc, and Crowley most definitely does too. (Also who want to bet that most of the diary entry involve Crowley if not just an entire entry is like “dear diary, did you know Crowley’s yellow eyes are my favorite aspect and that’s why I love the color yellow-“ but I’m detailing here my bad.)

But another thing is that, I feel people who say that, don’t understand what it like having to hide yourself but have someone or something drilling to your head and is constantly reminding you that “you can’t love them because xyz” or most noteworthy, don’t know how toxic environment expect an individual. Because Aziraphale does love him he would do anything to be with Crowley, but heaven is not only what is ultimately holding him back, it him himself. He got this promotion and he toke it, (with the mention that he didn’t want to go until Crowley was brought into the picture) and now he knows that the second coming is well. Coming. And now he has to try to save earth, just without Crowley this time. Now why I’m bringing this up? Well, because you can see him once again pushing away any part of him that is telling him to go to Crowley or be by his side, it the same thing as episode 3 when he did tried to back out because of heaven, it the same thing here only heaven really got to him, heaven showed an inch (and I mean an little inch) of kindness and a promising deal and he was on board. But that cause him to “lose” Crowley (and I’m saying lose in quotation because I don’t think he really lose or that this is a divorce, I just more or less think Crowley just can’t trust Aziraphale this time with this plan and pull his support of the table). So now he have to revert back to his old ways to try to make sure the world won’t end again for not just humanity but for Crowley as well, and this is probably another example of Aziraphale doing something for Crowley and show that he love him, even if this decision caused him Crowley ultimately. I’m sure he wishes whenever he read a Jane Austen or any love stories (with happy endings.) that that can be Crowley and him; no worries, no heaven and hell, nothing. Just them basking in their love and have no worries. But he know that might not be achievable. (Oh how cruel Cupid/God can be.)

I going to reiterate this again, everyone have their own valid opinion regarding this. I just needed to get my two cent since I hate when people think they’re toxic when they’re not. Both and yes I do mean Aziraphale and Crowley, do have their flaws that need mending but no way they’re toxic by any means. Truly if they were this toxic, why would Michael sheen be liking ineffable husband fanart, why would Neil Gaiman say it a love story between them, or better yet, why would these two be friends if they were toxic? Do they have flaws that need working on? yes of course no relationship is 100% perfect. Will Crowley forgive him so easily? No, I wouldn’t think so, I’m not saying Aziraphale is wrong with what he choose but the fact that he didn’t take him or the bookshop into consideration that gonna take some time to heal. (I promise I’ll make a Crowley post, I do love Crowley too, it just Azirpahale my all time favorite and I kin this character. But I promise someday I will give best boy his time to shine I just need to find a topic for him.)

Okay, i think that’s the post for today, OH! And also happy spooky season! It about to be Halloween! I love halloween! So I hope you all have a good October, and don’t worry more post will come I’m just trying to make sure I don’t accidentally shadowban myself or be annoying with my post lmao. But tell me what you think? Do you agree? Disagree? Let me know ^^ all your options,questions, and statements are valid ❤️