#i literally am just using license from my work company

[attyrocious]

its no big deal! hoping its useful though because my main program nowadays is clip studio paint and they went full capitalism on us with paid subscription (i bought the 1 payment license long longs ago). anyway i was a broke art student who could only afford one brush and so uses only one brush the entire time for everything and that kinda stayed the habit even on digital art.

momo poster (honorable mention momo storybook is very good supplementary from the same creator) - clean kinda untextured ex-GF of a brush. unfortunately the pressure sensitivity doesnt translate well between android and PC versions of CSP. its so cute that its heart shaped tho

2. blockaded chalk brush - current brush GF. its all the joys of charcoal/soft pastel drawing without the asthma and messy hands. layers exactly how swiping charcoal across paper does so i tend to use it nowadays when im greyscale -> color painting.

3. smooth liner - not sure if this is part of it bc its not a painting brush but.. line art/cel-shading brush. because it looks like how a scanned version of my ink dip pen on rough watercolor paper looks like

[he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle]

Get to Know Me Tag

Tagged by the feisty @lurkingshan, thanks Shan!

Do you make your bed?

Kinda. After my divorce, I bought lovely new bedding and happily made my bed every morning for like a year. Then I got lazy. I sorta half-ass it, where I fluff my pillows and pull up sheets and straighten the blankets and bed spread, but it's not photo-worthy or anything.

What’s your favorite number?

3. I like triads and trinities. In fact, I named my first dog Trinity. And I had three children!

What is your job?

I’m an author. I have 4 non-fiction books published under my given name and 15 fiction books published under a pseudonym. Many of my books were best sellers. Despite this fact, it is not enough to pay the bills. So I supplement my income with speaking engagements, teaching classes, and running a handful of websites, one of which is a wholesale distribution platform for artisanal imported foods. Basically, I'm self-employed and keep myself busy doing anything that interests me.

If you could go back to school, would you?

No. While I love learning and don't mind taking the occasional class to be introduced to a cool skill (like making stained glass!), I absolutely refuse to do any more higher education than I already have. I was sorta super nerdy at school because of an eidetic memory, so I collected degrees in Biblical Studies, Philosophy, Greek, Linguistics, and Russian Literature before I finally realized I didn't want to be a perpetual student.

Can you parallel park?

Nope. I learned how to do it to get my Driver's License over 30 years ago and have literally never had to use the skill since.

A job you had that would surprise people?

Hmmm. My job-jobs were all pre-children so people are surprised when they find out I ever had any since my last one was decades ago. But I didn't just have a few, I had a LOT of jobs because I finished school early and had to pay for my entire university education myself because of poor parents, and I think that's the most surprising thing. I was a waitress (14-16), a shop clerk (16-18), an acquisitions librarian's assistant (18-19), a bank teller (20), a digital librarian for a major software development company (20-21), a language tutor (18-21), an adjunct professor (22-24), a houseparent in a boy's home (24), and a cog in the county tax assessor's office (24-26). I also volunteered as a translator for Doctor's Without Borders and as a suicide prevention counselor for LGBTQ youth. At 26, I had my first child and became self-employed.

Do you think aliens are real?

Possibly, but I struggle to believe humans have ever interacted with any.

Can you drive a manual car?

Yes!

What’s your guilty pleasure?

Cop shows. I agree ACAB, but I love love LOVE the testosterone-fueled fantasy world of shows like Hawaii Five 0.

Tattoos?

None. I didn't want any at first because all the tattoos I'd seen on old people didn't age well thanks to saggy skin, wrinkles, etc. Now I kinda wish I'd had at least one.

Favorite color?

Dark azure.

Favorite type of music?

I LOVE IT ALL. If you live long enough, you discover awesome music in every genre. Like, I thought I hated heavy metal, but then I discovered the album Pale Communion by Opeth a decade ago and loved literally every single song!

Do you like puzzles?

Yes, but I don't make the time to do them.

Any phobias?

Heights. Absolutely terrifying.

Favorite childhood sport?

Cross country! I ran on my varsity team in HS and continued it through college.

Do you talk to yourself?

No. I am so quiet. On the weeks I don't have custody of my kids, I have sometimes had weeks where I work exclusively from home and don't interact with another human person beyond text messages and emails. When I finally speak out loud for the first time in days, the sound of my voice is jarring and unfamiliar.

What movies do you adore?

About Time. The Royal Tenenbaums. Shawshank Redemption.

Coffee or tea?

Coffee! I used to be more of a snob about it, but I recently fell in love with Korean instant coffees and THEY ARE SO GOOD. HOLY SHIZNITS.

First thing you wanted to be growing up?

A teacher in a foreign country.

I haven't been keeping track of who tagged who, so I'd like to tag @absolutebl @juneviews @twig-tea @sorry-bonebag @stefanyd @waitmyturtles @disaster-j @cooloddball @spicyvampire and @norahastuff If you'd like to play and I didn't tag you, please do!! Be sure to tag me so I can read your post.

[posallys]

why'd you quit?

long version: i worked at a little family company, and my "manager" (self-proclaimed....literally just decided she was in charge????) aka the owner's wife has....issues. on top of just genuinely not being all there, she was drinking on the job (which...i worked on 100 ton boats on federal water...so if the coast guard stopped us for ANY reason, the captain of the vessel would lose their license for operating with incapacitated crew. which okay i don't care when it's your husband's license on the line. but you bitched and moaned because he was working 80 hours a week and so my boyfriend whose 22 got his license and took those hours so that his 78 year old boss wouldn't have to work that much. and you're drinking on HIS boats, putting his license on the line + not to mention other legal repercussions because lets say a little sail boat taps our bow. okay now the coast guard boards our vessel, dock the boat, makes all of the passengers get off, and drug/alcohol tests every single member of the crew before we're allowed to leave. especially on one of the busiest days on the harbor??? you're gonna do that over the 4th of july??? all of our new employees with no prior knowledge of her Habits have reported that they've seen her drinking on the job. meanwhile her husband is the owner and his sister is the president....so we literally cannot tell anyone because every time we try they just don't listen!!!! AND THEN this bitch has the audacity to scream at the employees like we're fucking dogs. I cannot tell you the amount of times she's made people cry at work. like MAAM you are not my mother do NOT talk to me like i'm your fucking child and even if you WERE my mother i don't even let her talk to me like that! fuck the entire way off!!!! not to mention the complete and utter lack of company loyalty....sorry girl i'm your ONLY bartender from september through april, and she's giving me the shittest shifts. and i went from 70 hour weeks last summer to getting barely 20 this summer. i do all three positions that aren't managment at this fucking company and i've been there for two years and no raise, despite me asking multiple times. AND SHE HAD ME TRAINING PEOPLE THAT ACTIVELY MADE MORE THAN I DID UPON HIRING??? and when it was brought up that i wanted more hours i'm told "you're a part-time employee, you're getting part-time hours" oh sorry, that's not what you were saying when I was working 50 hours a week DURING FINALS because you didn't have anyone else and when you call me and ask me to come in to cover for people 30 minutes before the boat is scheduled to leave and i do it, even when i haven't had a day off in weeks. ALSO not to mention the labor laws they broke??? no overtime, because they claim "jones act" which, newsflash, doesn't fucking cover what they say it covers because as someone who had 50% of their hours in the office, I most definitely am not considered a maritime worker. also no time and a half of sundays or on holidays. also state law says you get an hour of sick time for every 30 hours you work and they refuse to pay us sick time because we're "seasonal employees" (read the part-time statement a few lines up.....fucking pick one, are we seasonal or part time) BUT THE STATE SAYS YOU HAVE TO ANYWAY??????? anyway good fucking riddance. but it's a shame actually because i enjoyed bartending and i loved the people i worked with (other than, you know....) but i simply could not stay and maintain my sanity any longer.

TLDR: manager fucking insane. company probably a money laundering scheme. sick of getting talked to like a fucking 3 year old. <3

[swords-in-space]

You once mentioned you have a thesis about fanfiction as a genre of literature and its value to genre fiction. I reallyyyyy would like to read your thesis. If that's okay for you

okay so i don't actually have a thesis about it. like, i think about the topic a lot but writing a thesis would require a lot of research and interviews and compiling information and i am far too adhd to do that on my own, and i'm not going to grad school anytime soon to have an excuse to do it

however

some thoughts include:

-genre fiction can be (often is, arguably) a metaphor for current cultural fears. the popular tropes in sci fi particularly and fantasy to a lesser extent are often a reflection on current global events. (well, i say current. usually it's about 3-5 years behind due to the nature of, yah know, writing and publishing a book.) this ties into the first point too, a little, because genre fiction allows the author and reader to put some space between you and the fear/trauma/event -- you're not actually reading a story about someone who could be alive right now and suffering, you're reading about a guy with a name straight from Fantasy Name Generator and his life in the post-apocalyptic future. we can confront our fears about nuclear war and censorship while we read about a dude named Guy who burns books for a living. then -- to pick a non-random example -- how many fics have been written in the last several years that are sickfics, zombie aus, or just straight up about quarantines and isolation?

-fanfiction is already a massive part of genre fiction. just because it's licensed doesn't make it less fanfiction -- i dare you to go into your local bookstore, find the sci-fi/fantasy section, and take a look at how much of it is taken up by star wars, star trek, warhammer, dungeons and dragons. how many video games have licensed novelizations, how many popular movies. i was a bookseller for 6 years, i can tell you that easily a quarter to a third of the section is just this. so then the question is -- how is that functionally different from fanfic on ao3 or whatever other site you frequent? just because they have an editor and a publishing contract doesn't mean they can't also be writing fanfic. i know several published authors here on tumblr that i've found through their ao3 pages

-how many times do you see posts talking about people using fanfic as a way to process trauma? the posts are usually explaining away dead dove fics, but i was a child with a library card and no oversight in what i read and i have to say i've never come across a dead dove fic that broaches a topic that i've not also seen in an obscure fantasy novel

-all art is worthwhile and all art means something to someone. all art has the ability to be beautiful and moving, and you cannot gatekeep what will be to someone. i've cried reading fanfic before, i'm sure you have too. sometimes it's even mostly smut and it's still emotionally moving. i think we do a HUGE disservice to those authors who have touched us if we say that what they're writing is somehow lesser than just because they're writing naruto tentacle porn or whatever the fuck

-Wattpad is owned by HarperCollins. the company takes a look at the most popular fics on that site and offers publishing contracts. this isn't hearsay, i was literally told by a HarperCollins rep while i was at a work dinner with them. it's how the After series was published, to name the most famous example. if you look in YA and romance, you'll spot more than a few "Wattpad originals" too. if publishing houses think that fanfic has enough value to be financially beneficial to them, then we can't sit here and say it's not culturally or emotionally or thematically valuable. if someone is making money off it, then it has influence whether we like it or not

-Fifty Shades of Grey is infamous at this point. we can't deny that it's had a huge influence on the romance genre -- there are so many books being published today that are fanfic with the serial numbers filed off, and more that are from well-known fanfic authors who have an existing fanbase. it seems to be more and more, too, that if an author wants to publish an original romance novel, to have a loyal readership already is a huge point in their favour to win a publishing contract. this is less about fanfiction specifically a genre of literature and more about the influence it has within the publishing sphere already

-so: what makes a genre? they have specific tropes, sometimes unique to the genre, they have specific structures and themes. genre is hard to define, too, because the lines are so often blurred -- what makes The Woman in the Window, for instance, be shelved in general fiction instead of mystery. (the answer is usually "the publisher thinks it will sell better there.") so what do "legitimate" genres have that fanfiction doesn't? i've debated this point with my gf before, and she was on the side of "fanfiction is a type of fiction, mostly serial fiction, and encompasses a variety of genres" and i was on the side of "fanfiction is a specific genre unto itself". we never came to a conclusion, and i think that there's merit to both arguments -- my point here is that this is one of the things that would require a lot of research to make a compelling argument, and i don't have that research (yet. there's always hope.)

-there's historical basis for fanfiction too. for all that the term is a modern one, and fan culture as it is today being born out of women's star trek writing circles and the internet, people have been writing derivative works for centuries. what is Milton's Paradise Lost (and Paradise Found) but Bible fanfic. what is Dante's Inferno but self-insert rpf. what is Virgil's Aeneid but a historical au of the founding of Rome

anyway! there's probably more thing that i haven't mentioned and will wake me up at 3am, but this is long as it is

[rogha]

I think a lot of subscription services would be doing a lot better if they were more flexible for people to build super custom packages for their needs. like especially software packages like Adobe - like you can get in touch and they’ll sort something out alledgedly but literally if they pushed even something like buy one get one half price without having to reach out I think they would find a lot of people who are like using one Would Get Another if it wasn’t so expensive and are getting by on something else or a moveable license where you can switch to a different software once every 28 days.

This transcription software i was recommended has a certain number of hours per month depending on the tier but allegedly you can get in touch to buy more hours? Like that is a better service. I am using the free version because the only thing I need this software to do is transcribe audio recordings but as soon as my hour for the month is up a window should pop-up directing me to where I can buy more time. I don’t need ten hours a month I need 4 hours every six all at once. I’m tired of looking through long lists of features per tier to see what Paid Tier Gets Me The Handful Of Features I Actually Want Plus A Million I Don’t.

Some of these companies are hoping I’ll use a free trial and forget to cancel so they can have 24 euro or whatever off me per month of my forgetfulness whereas if they were offering closed short term contracts or more personal packages they would have that 24 euro and also. some goodwill. like I don’t wanna jump through so many fucking hoops to use a software for one project and not pay for it for the rest of my life if we are renting these things at least let me say ‘hey I will give you 24 euro to use this for one month and after the month is over revoke my access.’

Maybe it’s all back end stuff and I’m not computer literate enough to understand that all this is far to complicated to execute on in reality and Celtx is actually three different softwares pretending instead of one in-browser software where features could be turned on and off for individual users depending on a personal package they build, but christ on a bike must i be fighting for my life for every single service.

And not to be working in customer service but quality service comes not just from individuals on the metaphorical/actual floor dealing with people but the policies and structures put in place to make accessing that service and that service meeting my actual needs as easy as possible.

[maristane]

Some of my illustrations for Modiphius' Fallout - The Roleplaying Game: Winter of Atom Book. As some of you can imagine, this meant a lot to me so here is a gigantic text wall about it:

I only have two tattoos so far. A skull, inked at a time my old life was dying in a vortex of meaninglessness, and a new one was yet to be born: the life I have now as an artist, but I didn't know that at the time. A classic choice for a memento mori, a reminder of the impermanence of all things. Also, it was at a discount and I like skulls.

My other tattoo is a Vault Boy, from the Fallout games. It's one of my favorite franchises, in part because Fallout 2 and 4 accompanied me through some hard times, and it has heavily influenced my work and tastes as an illustrator. It's one of the top 3 IPs I wanted to work with the most and for the longest, dating back to when I was a literal child; the other two being Conan and Diablo.

So you'll have to imagine how I feel having worked with MODIPHIUS creating many illustrations for Winter of Atom , a supplement to the officially licensed Fallout TTRPG, because I can't bring myself to describe it.

All this crazy thing of abandoning a career in computer science to chase a random dream because nothing else felt real... Leading to this kind of moment. From tears of complete despair and uncertainty, to tears of the most surreal joy. Flowing from the grim skull of my life's apocalypse to a reassuring, although sarcastic, Vault Boy guiding me through the aftermath.

I wish that what I'm writing here brings hope to some, especially artists in earlier phases of their journey.

Because this first illustration shown here, in fact, was not made in a time of joy. There are dark clouds in the sky for artists and creators of all kinds as companies steal our legally protected works to build their plagiarism toys while trying to weaponize the general public against us. I'm talking about plagiography, cleptography, pseudography, or as some call it, "AI" "Art", while it's neither AI nor art. As the fires of this debate raged wildly by the end of last year, I was using my very little remaining mental energy to work on this piece.

This image wasn't meant to be happy anyway, so I was in the right mood for it. Tired travelers resting shortly in a post-nuclear setting, now with a stern winter on top of it. I was tired too, still am, witnessing a world where catastrophes also seem to only pile up. "War, war never changes", says the narrator at the beginning of most Fallout games.

But guess what, peace never changes either.

It can still be found in the coldest of places, in the darkest of hours. And it begins by believing another world is possible. Other ways of doing things. And like the survival of this weary group, peace is easier to build and keep... together.

I know an artistic career seems impossible to many people. I know this deep in my heart because it seemed impossible to me until not many years ago, alone. Countless people have helped me in making it possible. With the winter of generative machines upon us, things only look harder, especially for beginners.

But, if this inspires someone, I eat impossible for breakfast these days.

I'm not infallible or anything, I even got rejected for an important conference just a few hours ago, and my unapproved or cancelled works that'll never see the light of day could fill an entire artbook by now. I just mean that I keep going, and that we should keep going, even in the face of a shining neon sign that says such a silly word as "impossible".

And, well, no winter lasts forever. You can count on that.

P.S: If you want to see more images that I worked on, and in higher resolution, you'll have to acquire the book.

[altschmerzes]

gang you would not believe the week i am having. extended explanation of my current nightmare under the cut. please understand this is also mid ramp-up to finals season at my second year of law school and still trying to find a summer student position which means one million cover letters and applications.

when i moved to canada i tried to import my car. i did this twice, once by calling a company before i left that does this professionally, and they were like oh don't worry about it. you're fine, you don't need to do anything. i get to the border and the man at the border tells me the same thing. don't worry about it. you're fine you don't need to do anything. i go to the dmv here to try and title my damn car because my registration is expiring and i need to do that. the woman who works there is like oh you needed to import it :) but also get your driver's license first, trust me. okay. i go through the hell process of getting my ontario license. i now have my ontario license. i need to get a safety inspection and two forms from border control. sure. i don't have the first fucking idea how to do this but i'm sure i can figure it out.

fastforward. i got in an extremely minor accident on wednesday. entirely my fault, i was slightly distracted for a moment in stop and go traffic and a like. spider in my sleeve or something bit my arm and i hit the wrong pedal. got a ticket, spent 90 minutes dealing with the cops including the part where one of the cops spent several minutes lecturing me about how he can and should seize my car on the spot because it's registered out of country and i live here and that's tax evasion. i explain that i have been trying to get this dealt with but everybody kept telling me i didn't need to do that or worry about it. he tells me that's not his problem. sure. not his problem. understood. this has now become a problem that Cannot Wait though.

so what do i need to do to get my car registered here? still need those pieces of paper. i can get the safety inspection done at any old canadian tire, which, sure. that's fine. word. so what about the border forms? well. i call the canadian border services agency. i sit on hold for a while, and eventually the man on the phone not only can't seem to fucking comprehend anything i'm saying at first, he then also tells me that the solution to my problem is to drive to the fucking us/canada border, go back to the states, then drive back immediately and get the form then. oh my gd.

so i did that. i make the two hour drive to niagara fucking falls and i tell the us border agent what i'm doing there and he's like you can't do that. you need to export it from the us first or you'll get a five thousand dollar fine. and i'm like. okay. thank you sir. have a nice night. thank gd they give me no issue returning on the canadian side. so i make the drive home. having achieved nothing. nobody has given me any actionable information and the only thing more confusing and complicated than importing a car for personal use in canada is exporting one from the united states. literally on the government website it says 'every export office operates differently' which made me almost collapse into tears when i read it.

last night i decided okay, tomorrow i am calling a professional import/export service to throw myself on their mercy and beg them to help me. i might need to leave the country for a few days to get this dealt with bc it's possible i can't export it except for from us soil. all i am trying to do is follow the rules and every single person at every juncture of this nightmare has given me different, conflicting information.

just had that phone call. the good news: i am not going to need to go to the states for several days to deal with this. some nice lady from a company who does this professionally is gonna do the paperwork for me and has found me apparently the only us/canada border crossing that will let me do the us export shit from this side of the border. the bad news: it is an even farther crossing than the one i drove to yesterday, and i’m gonna have to wait a couple days to do it and then do it immediately, which means missing more class than i already missed yesterday trying to do this. hopefully then it will be sorted.

[artemissaggezza]

To my Darling Tumblrinas. Friends, foes, and frenemies alike,

I reach out to you now to do one of the hardest and most terrifying things I have ever done: ask for help. Doing so has never been easy for me (if I explained all the reasons why I could literally write you a TLDR dissertation 😂).

Right now, my wife (@starlghtstarbrite) and I need it more than we ever have. Life is hard for everyone. It has been hard for us too. But she and I have always found a way through. We have survived so much together.

We managed to leave an abusive situation (albeit with a stab wound, nerve damage, concussions and horrible cases of PTSD). The physical trauma from this has left permanent scars for both me and my wife. Every day since then I have lived in severe, sometimes incapacitating pain. Being 12 years sober (😁) this is really hard to manage. My wife has nerve damage she will never recover from and phantom pain on a daily basis. I don't even know how much debt we're in because of this. Honestly, we are both terrified to check.

Beyond the physical shit, the emotional trauma from this has led to at least $10,000 in mental health treatment. Sometimes it was just therapy. But most of the time it was specialized treatment for Bipolar disorder, PTSD, and atypical anorexia leading me to be away from home and out of work for months at a time.

I started treatment for my eating disorder (for the 5th time) a year ago at this time. While I was in treatment my wife lost her job after the company realized they didn't need to pay someone to do her job when AI could do it for free. Bullshit, right?

If you can believe it, I lost my job in the beginning of December for even shittier reasons. Background: I used to work for the largest academic/licensure examination company in the world. I will probably get in trouble if I say their actual name, so I'll give you a hint. If you have ever needed to get licensed for your job, you'll know them as the intimidating people who watch you while you take exams and do "security checks" that make you feel like you're being arrested. For any students out there, they're probably the publisher of some of your most expensive text books and study guides. It rhymes with "ShmEARSON" 😂.

I literally got fired for accidentally LETTING A TOOTHPICK into the testing room. I was accused of "intentionally defying" my boss's "orders" by not following protocol exactly (this was after my male coworker had been accused of sexual harassment four times and still had a job).

Because of this, my wife and I are facing eviction in three days. And have nowhere to go. My parents are emotionally abusive and my wife's mother still introduces me as her "roommate". We've been living off of black beans and rice for a month because we don't have money for food. Nevermind our meds, that even with insurance (which I no longer have) cost hundreds of dollars a month.

Over the years we have struggled and been dealt a lot of bad hands of poker. But we've always managed to bluff our way out of it. We put our faith in each other and pretend there is a light at the end of the endless tunnel, at the top of the bottomless pit. Every now and then we've even been able to run two damp sticks together and make our own light.

But this time our bluff has been called. We've run out of sticks to rub together. Without help and support we won't be able to light the torch that leads us through the abyss and into hope.

So, here I am. Embracing vulnerability and asking for help. I know times are tough all around. So even knowing that my story has been read and validated is a great comfort to me.

If you're moved by our story, relate to it, or see yourself in it and would like to help out my CashApp is below.

I would also like to offer you the chance to get something in return, if you want. I have a lot of random skills I'm more than willing to offer.

I'm an artist (think Jackson Pollock style), an academic writer (specialization: psychology, criminal justice, sociology, statistical analysis and all the associated citation styles), an editor/proofreader, and a poet. Among a host of other bizarre things lol.

I know this was long AF and I do apologize. Mostly though, if you had the drive, compassion and attention span to get all the way down here I AM DAMN IMPRESSED. And more grateful than you could ever imagine.

Thank you, each and every one of you. For hearing my words and seeing me.

CashApp: $ArtemisSaggezza

[leehestia]

Luxurious Love / Jinwoo x Reader

(Based on Luxurious by Gwen Stefani)

Pairing: Husband!Jinjin (Astro) x Wife!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut

Warnings: reader doesn’t appreciate 😢 (but reader loves jinjin 😻), jinjin the money spender 💀, vanilla sex, unprotected sex, idk bro, stupid arguments, arguments about money (srsly don’t argue abt it guys it isn’t nice), they have a kid(?), swearing

Synopsis: Jinwoo is a rich CEO for one of the biggest companies in South Korea. And you being his humble middle-class wife, you’re still adapting to this ‘rich life’ environment. You and Jinwoo argue about it, until both of you finally understand each others point, and apologize through both words and pleasure.

Spotify:

A/N: I LITERALLY HAVE LUXURIOUS ON REPEAT RN AND MY JINJIN PHOTOCARD IS JUST STARING AT ME…

A/N (2): Jinjin is literally so damn hot like I wish he was actually my rich husband like pls jinwoo be mine 😢💍

A/N (3): It’s my fist fic on tumblr and i came from wattpad don’t complain if it’s cringe bro idfk how to make non-cringe stories i haven’t even posted a story since march 2021

…

“Jinwoo? Whats this?” You approach your husband, who is currently sitting on the couch, laptop on his lap, the receipt from last night’s dinner in your hand.

“Hm? That’s the receipt from last night babe. Why do you ask?” He says, looking up at you.

“Oh is that so? Then why was the bill 350,000 won?” You breathed, sitting beside Jinwoo as he continued to focus on his work.

“Of course it is, family dinner.” He said in a monotone way.

“Honey that’s expensive… All that for food? Jiwoo couldn’t even finish it.” You frowned.

Jinwoo finally closed his laptop, and turned to look at you.

“Why? What’s wrong?” He said, this time concerned.

“Well, you know… It’s just food. If I knew it was that expensive I wouldn’t have suggested that place.”

“It’s fine babe, why’re you worrying about it?” He said.

“We could’ve used it for Jiwoo’s art classes.” You sighed.

“I’ve got that all covered hon.” Jinwoo smiled, before lying down on the arm of the couch, going on his phone.

He went on his phone for a few minutes before sitting up again to show you something.

“There we go!” Jinwoo smiled, showing you the payment for your daughter’s art classes.

“What? Already?” You said in shock. “Jinwoo are you serious! The amount of-“

Jinwoo groans before shouting, “Y/N! Why do you keep complaining about our expenses?!”

“Jinwoo I can’t bare to see you using all your money over useless stuff!” You shout back, finally standing up as well.

“So you’re saying Jiwoo’s art class is useless?!” He argues back.

You shout, “Of course I don’t idiot! As long as our daughter learns I don’t care about the amount of money you spend for her! It’s because you’re using almost 500,000 won for stupid perfume! Not only that you just bought another 1 million dollar watch! And the stupid stupid stupid 85 million won car for me! I don’t even have a drivers license dumbass!”

Jinwoo sighs out of frustration, “Look, if you’re not going to appreciate the things I buy or do for our happiness, then why the fuck did you marry someone like me!?”

“Park Jinwoo!”

Jinwoo frowns, deeply sighing as he looks at you with his hands on his hips.

“I’ll sleep in the guest room…” He sighs, walking out of the room.

You groan loudly, before slopping on the bed. “Why did I marry someone like you? I should ask myself that!” You say to yourself, “But then again… nothing can beat love…” you whisper, before falling asleep.

…

You wake up early in the morning, at 5 am to check up on your daughter and husband.

You enter the guest room silently, to see your husband sleeping on the desk, laptop still on.

“Overworking yourself again huh?” You whispered as you walked towards him.

You quickly kissed him on the forehead before you turned the heater on and giving him a blanket.

You leave the room to check on your 4 year old daughter, only to see her fully awake, playing with her toys.

“Jiwoo!” You said, running towards her.

“Mama!” She smiled, giving you a tight hug.

You sigh, hugging her back.

“Why are you awake baby?” You pout, kissing her forehead.

“Mama and papa fought so I pretend my dolls are you and papa so that you can be friends again!” Jiwoo exclaims, smiling widely.

“Awe… I’m sorry you had to hear me and papa fight.” You chuckle.

“It okay! Just say sorry to papa! I also draw you and papa!” She smiled.

“Thank you baby!” You said, kissing her cheek.

“I’ll show this to your papa later, you should go back to bed now.”

Jiwoo nods her head, kissing you on the cheek before running to her bed.

“I’ll see you later Jiwoo.” You whispered, before leaving and closing the door.

…

During the morning and afternoon, you and Jinwoo ignored each other.

You knew he was giving you space, but you’d appreciate it a lot if he’d just talk to you.

Later that evening, your husband suddenly went into the room, going straight to the bedside table on his side, opening a drawer, avoiding eye contact.

He quickly gets the item he needed and walks toward the door to leave.

“Jin? Can we talk please?” You call him.

He sighs, before turning around to face you.

He blushes at the sight of you in your red signature baby doll that you usually wear during ‘those nights’.

“What- what are you wearing?” He nervously confronts.

“Uh… my night dress?” You say, stepping out of the bed to walk towards him.

As you approach him, his eyes slowly look lower, going to the valley of your breasts, to your thighs which are barely covered.

“Jinwoo, eyes here.” You said in a soft voice, snapping your fingers.

He shakes his head, then looks at you, expression suddenly changing to a soft one, after looking at you. Your beautiful eyes. Ones that glimmer and make him understand you and your emotions.

“Look… I’m sincerely grateful that you buy me gifts, buy us dinner. So please don’t think I’m unhappy with your gifts. I love them, so much. It’s just… you know the prices… I’m not used to seeing more than 4 zeros in a price tag or receipt.” You sigh.

“I understand.” He says.

You smile at Jinwoo, this being the first time in a while he’s acting like this way with you. You’ve only seem him this serious in work, or when something is bothering him.

“I love you Jinjin~” You giggle before hugging him tightly.

You both nearly fall, Jinwoo catching your balance.

His hands are on your waist, heart fluttering at your iconic boxy smile.

Your smiles slowly fade, slowly closing the distance between you and your husband.

You stop midway, your faces centimeters away from each other.

“I love you, Park Y/N.” He whispers, before breaking the space between both of you.

His warm and soft lips touched yours, a kiss of pure perfection. Your touch feeling like gold, like true luxury.

You parted slightly, allowing Jinwoo’s tongue to slip into your mouth.

You and Jinwoo stopped for a moment to breath, and you tried to lean back in until Jinwoo guided you to the bed and layed you down.

You giggled at Jinwoo removing his socks and shirt, exposing his beautiful abs (A/N: AUUSUHGF JINJIN MARRY ME)

He unbuttoned his shorts, throwing them into someplace in the room.

He hovered over you, kissing and sucking your neck, leaving marks.

“I’m…” he kissed your forehead, “sorry…” he kissed your nose, “Y/N…” and finally, your lips. (A/N: tbh that was awkward af it was better in my head)

You whimper when he finally takes your dress of, his hands desperately touching your body.

Jinwoo removes his remaining clothes off, and dips two fingers into you with no warning, making you yelp.

“J-jinwoo!” You yelp. “Sorry baby.” He smirks.

“Darling, I can’t do foreplay right now.~” you whine, grabbing onto Jinwoo’s wrist.

Jinwoo removes his fingers, licking your essence.

You heavily breathed at the empty feeling, until Jinwoo pushes his length into you, making you both moan loudly.

Jinwoo rests his forehead on yours, his hot breath tickling your face.

“Fuck Y/N, you’re so tight…” Jinwoo says in a deep voice, making you clench around him.

“Relax baby…” He whispers, pausing for a moment, waiting for your signal to move.

“Jin, move… please.” You pleaded. He caressed your cheeks as he started to move slowly, making your breath hitch.

“F-faster-“ You stuttered, as soon as he heard the word, he moved in a fast pace, your heart raced, and your moans became louder.

“J-jinwoo!” You screamed, mewls and cries mixed with the sound of your skin slapping against his.

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N, Fuck!” Jinwoo groaned, your nails digging deep into his skin.

“Jinwoo it’s close!” You moaned as you felt your orgasm building.

“Wait, fuck! Y/N…”

“Please!” You cried. “Let it out, Y/N.” Jinwoo panted, before both you and him came.

Heavy pants surrounded the room, as you melted into your husband’s embrace, his hands running through your hair.

“Jinwoo, I’m sorry. I love you.” You said, tears threatening to fall from your eyes.

Jinwoo said nothing, and kissed your forehead before standing up to get a cloth.

“I’m sorry as well… I should’ve understood your side. I feel like I don’t know you anymore, I barely spend time with you.” he sighed, cleaning you.

You suddenly started sobbing, making Jinwoo look at you in surprise.

“I’m sorry for being stupid, I’m sorry for being ungrateful, I’m sorry for getting angry for no reason, I’m sorry for growing up in a totally different environment as you, I’m sorry for being a horrible wife! And I know you work very very very hard for me and Jiwoo, and it isn’t your fault. It’s not your fault too for loving us!” You sobbed as Jinwoo looked at you, baffled.

Jinwoo laughed, smiling at you with those cute eyes. (A/N: like fr bro stop smiling with ur eyes i’m so close to being killed by u😀)

He continued to laugh, unable to form words.

“W-why are you laughing at me!” You pouted.

“It’s because! You’re so cute Y/N!” He exclaimed, hugging you tightly.

His laughed slowly died down, smile still on his face however. He kissed your earlobe and shoulder, breaking the hug to look at you, before speaking,

“Y/N, the reason why I fell in love you was because you weren’t like the girls who I grew up with all my childhood. I love how you’re extremely humble, extremely thoughtful and an extremely loving person.” He said, cupping your cheeks and giving you a chaste kiss.

“Really?” You cried, but this time smiling. (A/N: LMFAOOOOOOO)

“Of course honey, I married you for a reason.” He whispered, his forehead leaning on yours.

“Thank you.” You whispered back, kissing him.

He hugged you tightly before you both fell on the bed, cuddling each other to sleep.

…

(A/N: Well, that’s my first story on Tumblr ig lmfao 💀 I’m sorry if it’s cringe idk what to do in life anymore. Anyways Jinwoo>>>>>>my life 😻😻)

[nokingsonlyfooles]

And, ART! I've been doing art! How 'bout Sanaam's tarot card?

This is an illustration for Tin Soldier # 11, The Sailor is Home from the Sea. I'm stressed and distracted, so I may be a little light on the description here, but it's been through some changes!

Here's the original, and I don't have a crummy pen-paper-scan version of this one.

What I wanted to do was kinda complicated and it's hard to find reference images of fat guys. At least I can search for "plus size woman" and get various clothing catalogue images. "Big and tall" the male equivalent, tends to cough up "muscular and tall." And the public domain has a real lack of diversity, which some folks are working hard to remedy. My S/O posed for this in MY long coat to help me out!

Anyways, the one on the top there is all public domain, and the shaded version is... mostly public domain, but I think the suitcase is a paid stock image. I'm licensing with Creative Commons, BY-NC-SA, so you can use/share this stuff if you're so inclined.

Sanaam is #9, and #s 7 & 8 are his wife and daughter. I like when it works out like that. He's based on The Hermit, you can see he has a light, and a boat, just with slightly different significance. He's standing at a bus stop, which seems to be literally on the beach, and waiting to go home, but looking over his shoulder at the boat and the sea. He wishes he could be in two places at once, you see.

Fire and water represent two types of loss, and he has both - the sun and the sea. Water is for passive loss, and fire is the more active kind. He misses a lot when he's not home, but he does choose to leave, over and over again.

Sanaam is my automated summary function. Every time he comes home, he needs an update about what he missed. He's also standing in for my own dad, who wasn't home a lot. I do not feel super great about having produced yet another absent Black father, but the social pressures that cause these things are ubiquitous, even in an alternate, fictional universe. He's doing his best! So am I!

Maggie and the General are making a cameo appearance in bird form, in the background, and Sanaam has a fleur de lis on his luggage - which also appears on his wife and daughter's cards. I'm using it for their family and to symbolize loyalty. In his case, he is definitely loyal to his family - but he has family in a lot of places. Also, it's difficult to take care of a family without a job, ya know? Still, I decided the fleur ought to go in the top section, with San Rosille, where Maggie and the General live, not in the middle with the stamp from the company he works for, or at the bottom with the island where he came from. Milo made him a compass that always points "HOME," and that seems to be defined by wherever his wife and daughter happen to be.

I like the more Sgt. Peppery version of the coat in the less-detailed shadow format. I think it looks more like a captain! Maybe a bit like Captain Crunch, but the guy isn't working for the military anymore. It's like Scoops Ahoy in Stranger Things puts its workers in silly costumes too. Sanaam is not an unsilly person, and it's a perfectly functional coat, so I doubt he minds.

[little-klng]

yknow, i know we're literally all giving that metaverse shit absolutely zero press whatsoever on purpose both because none of us can stand the idea of giving zucc money to play it, AND because of the fact that it (hehe) zuccs in general as a whole both as a design concept and as a game. like its not fun even in concept really. but look i just NEED to give it shit for this one thing. i have to

look. in the history of vr techs development, as much as a layman as even i am (as someone who can not own a vr headset under any circumstances due to personal reasons i dont have to get into, its like 3-4 major reasons minimum). i understand that the vr history "basically" begins with the nintendo virtualboy, which was a commercial failure because Something About It gave people severe and unmanageable motion sickness. and then, even in spaces where people WANTED vr games to be a reality, it took a REALLY long time to get a game out that was good to play and felt good on the eyes for more than an hour on the average non-chronic sufferer of migraines or photosensitivity. like, in order for the games to reach the level of "playable, easy on the eyes, extremely unlikely to make you violently motion sick, and not unbearable for photosensitive chronic migraine sufferers", it took YEARS of trial and error from my perspective

first step rules of all vr games:

do not make "falling"/"spiderman" areas where the player, while standing completely still, has to fall/swing in mid air

do not make inputs too specific/precise, a small button should be achievable with shaky hands and uncalibrated controllers, though buttons shouldnt be small anyway

boring, jarring, or impossible physical movement is extremely hard to watch, it should be synced to irl movement as closely as possible and finger motion if available should be dynamic and easy to understand and intuitively use

metaverse, i cannot stress this enough, breaks literally all of those main basic rules to prevent motion sickness, eye fatigue, and has the fucking audacity to not even be fun while doing it. its PAINFULLY cheap looking, with next to no animations for officially licensed "minigames" (white arial font text "you have been hit!" and such with a bland red overlay in one, literal spiderman swing-between-buildings-over-empty-void-level-while-irl-standing-normally in another). like... theres a REASON these basic vr design rules exist and why breaking them is a bad idea. metaverse spits in the face of basic design and function research. its like they almost dont expect real people of varying visual and sensory ability to see to play the game, and i dont mean "autistic vs allistic people", i mean just straight up people who dont perceive color or light intensity the same way as other people. which is everyone, because varying sensitivity is a part of natural variation in people. vr chat has achieved this. BEAT SABER managed to achieve this while having a huge part of their gimmick break the vr rules of "things that are flashing lights fly at you very quickly", and they manage it in STYLE. tons of vr games work in spite of the inherent struggle in vr of making a game that isnt sickening to play and use. and you'd THINK a company as spyware-heavy as facebook would be able to come up with something a basic human person could play without being bored or sick, and yet... they cant even manage legs. they cant even manage not LYING about having legs. and its so useless and stupid and deserves everyone ignoring it and not bothering to even try it out of hatred.

you have to pay for applause points that might win you an irl shirt if you're top 5, and the shirt isnt even good. literally pay to win social interactions in a game that is so painfully boring and cheap you cant even imagine where 90% of the money could have gone. i dont genuinely think i could have... even FOUND A WAY to spend so much money on things like drugs and gambling in the dev time this game has taken that could account for how much money just simply could not have gone into actual development. i literally cant imagine how they could have done this. indie one person passion projects can create a better tech demo than this entire game manages to be for like... what? $15 billion? it makes me sick thinking about how much money was sunk into this and it still somehow has microtransactions. it feels insulting and flaunting. i hope mark zuckerberg reads this and feels a little worse about the whole thing than he already does. i really hope he feels bad and useless and hopeless.

[avaantares]

@irishironclad wrote:

This might be stupid to ask but how can you file DMCA/call it pirating when it’s a fanfic and you never owned that property to begin with? I’m not saying this is okay I’m wondering from a legal standpoint

There actually is a clear legal delineation; in this case, it's a matter of intellectual property versus copyright (explained below). The really short answer is that while I don't own the source material on which the fanfic is based, I do retain some legal rights to the work that I created. Both are protected under copyright law.

The long answer:

Well, hang on a sec. First, some definitions:

Intellectual property (IP) refers to "creations of the mind," as the WIPO puts it, and can broadly be categorized as concepts or ideas and their expressions. This can include a wide variety of things such as literary works, brand names, symbols, inventions, designs, music, scientific discoveries, visual art, fictional characters, and even industrial and trade secrets. It can be just about anything unique that someone thinks up or develops.

Copyright is a subset of IP that is specific to works or media that exist in a visual, audio, or otherwise reproducible format. Just like it sounds, it concerns the literal copy right -- meaning the right to copy, replicate, manufacture, or otherwise reproduce the work. By default, when a work is created and there is no prior contract or legal entanglement stipulating who gets the rights, the copyright belongs to the person(s) who created said work.

(Note that neither of these terms are synonymous with trademarks or patents, which are different subsets of IP with their own rules. Also don't take any of this as legal advice; I am not qualified to represent you in court.)

Now, back to fanfiction:

The source material I used in writing the fic that was pirated -- the characters and scenario of the Devil May Cry video game franchise -- are the intellectual property of their original creator, Capcom (for purposes of simplifying this discussion, though it's slightly more complicated than that from a legal perspective). I cannot legally sell the story I wrote, because the IP it's based on is not mine to exploit for profit. Capcom can make and sell as many games/books/whatever as they want using those characters, and they can license them out to other companies to sell merchandise, but without a license, I cannot make a dime off of any work that uses Capcom's IP.

HOWEVER, even though Capcom owns some of the characters and concepts that appear in my story, the literary work itself -- inclusive of its unique plot elements, my original characters, and the literal words of the text (all 330,040 of them) -- is all mine. As the author, I hold the copyright to the entire text, meaning it can't be reproduced or used commercially without my permission. The copyright will remain mine/the property of my estate until 70 years after my death (in the U.S.), at which point it becomes public domain. Until then, not even Capcom can use my work without my explicit permission.

So to answer your question about legality, Capcom owns the IP (characters/concept), but I own the written work (text and additional IP). The story cannot legally be sold by either party unless we come to an agreement and sign a contract that grants a transfer and/or joint use of rights.

And it most definitely isn't legal for a third party (Plush Books) to sell it without permission from either of us. Plush Books infringed on both Capcom's IP rights AND my copyright by "publishing" the story.

.

Some more fun facts, just for general knowledge/reference:

Everything I explained above is equally true of fanart and other derivative/transformative creations -- if I draw a picture of a Disney character, I can't sell that artwork because it's based on Disney's IP, but Disney can't sell it either, because as the artist I retain the rights to that piece of artwork. If for some reason Disney wanted to use my artwork to make merchandise, they would first have to obtain a license from me to do so. (A few companies -- not Disney -- have actually done this, in the case of a super popular fan artist whose work they knew would sell.)

The fact that fan creators retain ownership of any original* elements of their own work is also the reason authors, TV writers, et al. are not permitted to (or at minimum strongly advised not to) read fanfiction based on their properties. If it were known that someone at Capcom read my story, and the next DMC game happened to feature a plot element or character that was in some way similar to what I wrote, I could sue them for using my work without compensation or credit. Obviously they want to avoid lawsuits, so the easiest way is to maintain a blanket "no fanfiction" rule for employees.

As a final note, keep in mind that everything I've explained here is fairly simplified, and commercial copyright, trademarks, distribution rights, and the assorted contracts governing them can be way, way more complex than I'm making things sound. Do also note that the whole creator-copyright thing goes out the window when an author/artist produces what's called work for hire (basically creating something under contract), which is why Disney's animators don't own the rights to the images they draw, and Disney does. But that's never going to be the case with fanfiction, because by its very nature fanfiction is an independent creation. Otherwise it would be... well... fiction.

.

*meaning the fan work must be recognizably unique and distinct from the source material. If you don't make any significant changes to the material, or just trace over a piece of official art (for example), that's not really considered "original" for legal purposes.

[why-am-i-here-just-to-suffer]

intro post?

ok so I'm not really sure what to put here so I guess I'll just put some stuff about me and my interests

agender xe/it/they

aroace apl

I have never had nor am I interested in sex or a romantic relationship. I don't know how repulsed I would be if I actually tried. There definitely would be a lot of sensory problems. Sometimes I reblog allo stuff because it's funny though.

I don't consider myself loveless but I don't really understand what it means to "love" someone platonically beyond just feeling strong empathy for everyone around me, and sometimes enjoying the company of certain people. Like I could talk with someone about shared interests and have a really good time, and do stuff with them all the time, but if they were to suddenly disappear from my life I wouldn't have any desire to go back to them kind of thing. I don't ever get the desire to seek out and interact with specific people who I am "friends" with.

ADHD/autism, low-medium support needs

Ashkenazi Jewish

While many of the issues that I comment on or reblog about do not directly affect me, I'm a radical inclusionist by nature and I care (probably way too much for my own good) about the well-being of other people. I do not aim to comment on any one specific issues and I do not currently have the mental capacity to be a proper advocate about any one specific issue.

Special interests (TW infodump):

FOSS (free and open source software) philosophy as a political movement

User freedom and privacy; software that is written in the interest of the user rather than the developer

Rampant mass surveillance that the public turns a blind eye to. In the EU, there are privacy regulations for corporate, but you still often times find governments doing pretty bad things. In the U.S., corporate mass surveillance is arguably on the scale of a dictatorship like China or North Korea. It's still there, just much less in-your-face. And yes, there are in fact problems with this. "I have nothing to fear because I have nothing to hide" is such a stupid argument. How do you know when the Powers that Be decide to change what is allowed? Suddenly you do have something to hide. What are you going to do now? I'm sure it's an issue that a large portion of this site worries about, y'know, being full of a plethora of different minority populations.

Freedom as in the user gets to decide how to use the software, not the developer. Most proprietary software contains artificial limitations that have been implemented purely to exercise control over the user. This is Richard Stallman's Freedom 0.

Collaborative, communal development not for the purpose of making money, but for the purpose of making a tool to do the job. That tool is then shared with everyone for free so that anyone can work to improve it or use it as a jumping off point for their own work. Under a software license like the GNU GPL, if you fork a piece of software and create your own derivative, and you want to share that derivative to others, you are legally required to share the code to the changes you made. That's what makes such licenses so powerful. Collaboration and sharing isn't optional; it's compulsory. And it should be, because working together as a whole society by pooling our time and knowledge is always better than competing with one another for the same goal.

As should be obvious by now, FOSS ideology is inherently very left wing, but it gets co-opted a lot by right-wingers who use "privacy" and "freedom" as dog whistles for "I get to post hate speech and incite violence online without personal repercussions. Oh, if it weren't for the consequences of my actions!" They completely ignore the fact that FOSS is literally communism as a development model.

Some people will advocate for FOSS from a freedom perspective, like Richard Stallman, the founder of the Free Software Foundation itself, did, (Yes, there was a whole bunch of stuff concerning his reputation that happened but most of that was proven to be false. Of course Stallman's a little crazy. He wouldn't have started what he did if he wasn't.) and some people will advocate for it from a practical, leftist perspective, like Eric Raymond, author of "The Cathedral and the Bazaar." (who has sadly since gone Q crazy, but that doesn't change the validity of what he said before.) The reality is that both perspectives are equally important.

the Right to Repair movement, which is very similar to FOSS on a practical level. It targets hardware such as electronics, vehicles, medical equipment, farming equipment, etc. Right to Repair does not ask for $0 products (and neither does FOSS. You can still make money with FOSS. Look at companies like Canonical and Red Hat.), but rather for the ability to legally obtain parts and documentation so that consumers can fix things themselves. Electrical schematics, documentation, and diagrams should be made available to the public in some capacity at all, even if they need to be paid for. Right now you can't even pay most companies to get them. It differs ideologically from FOSS because it doesn't really care about collaboration and sharing. It simply states that you should have the legal right to fix your property.

Unix systems

CLIs (command line interfaces) are superior for almost all purposes. I might not even bother with a GUI if I could run a usable web browser in a TTY. w3m gets the closest with support for rendering images, but still no JavaScript.

I often stim by fidgeting with the command line. Visual from what's going on on the screen and tactile from the keyboard. Don't ask.

Proper package management systems. Imagine an app store, but the entire operating system including core components, libraries and applications are installed and updated through one central system, pulling from one central repository. On your desktop computer. It hurts me every time I need to go look up a website and download a package or executable installer. There's Chocolatey and WinGet for Windows and homebrew for macOS but it's still nowhere near as good as a proper implementation.

---

Hardware,I especially enjoy learning about much older 8 and 16-bit machines because there's much less abstraction between hardware and software and it is much easier to visualize and understand what is happening at a very low level that you just don't see on a modern system. Even with a microcontroller like an Arduino there is still a ton of abstraction going on and you just don't get the same learning experience that you would building a project raw with a 6502 and some logic chips.

I'm not really that into programming but sometimes I'll do a little shell scripting. Why do tedious, repetitive work in a graphical interface when a couple lines of code logic suffice?

The history surrounding the development of computers and software is also really interesting to me. There's a multipage infodump that I am omitting here.

Most other general stuff about computers is interesting to me

Feel free to ask me about any of this stuff but there's no guarantee that what I respond with will be even remotely intelligible.

Also THANKS TUMBLR EDITOR for making it literally impossible to make hierarchical lists. They seem to render in the editor but then they disappear when you click post.

[daquanshell]

Towson Marines

Over the last few years I’ve went through some pretty dramatic changes, some of which changing the core of who I am, essentially, canon events that have shaped me into be, at least on the outside, a better looking person. I still struggle with the person I am on the inside at times.

Judaism. Military Uniforms. Financial Services.

These are three things that I feel accurately describe who I am, and would likely be considered my most unique selling points, and while sometimes I think I do a great job at any one of these at any given time, there are other times where I feel these things are completely absent from my life.

I always feel Jewish, but there are times where I don’t feel Jewish enough.

I always feel like a Marine, but then there are times where I don’t feel like a motivator.

I literally spend 70-80% of my time at work talking about money, with a side hustle where I spend another 70-80% of my time talking about money, but there are still so many times where I don’t feel like I work in Finance.

Sophomore

I was today years old when I realized I was a Sophomore in college. I’ve been working in the Higher Education Department of my company for months and I only just recently applied to one of our schools. I feel like it’s a good story to tell someone who knows me, but an extremely inappropriate story for someone who doesn’t know me and, right now, I don’t think anyone does.

I don’t think I qualify as a true sophomore as a Marine since no matter what I’ll be a junior enlisted, despite being in my early 30’s, since age actually has no really impact in the military, unlike in the civilian world, where age (specifically seniority), usually offers you a marked advantage in virtually all relationships.

Actually, now that I think about it, the age thing will likely work in my favor, just further down the road than I’d like.

I am definitely still a freshman when it comes to Financial Services, since I’ve struggled to obtain any rank, titles, or licenses since I’ve started on this path. Basically, I’ve been walking in and out of the door without actually checking out the building.

Punishment

Maimonides once said, “The reward for a good dead is a good dead, and the punishment for sin is sin.”

Even though I loved Sarah with all my heart, I refused to continually remind her. She died likely doubting my love for her.

Even though I was prepared to start a family with Kimberly, I never really committed to her the way I should have. Even though my feelings for her have not changed, today we are effectively strangers.

Even though I love my mom with all my heart and soul, I’m not brave enough to live with her. Thus, I live alone, as opposed to sharing my life, and by extension, my Judaism with the only woman I’ve known my whole life.

I never cared for Gidley, but I realize the letters I wrote probably gave her the wrong impression. I really do just like to write, and every now and then I like to have people read my letters and stories. I genuinely do not care if no one else sees this (although it’s important I still publish it for reference).

I genuinely made mistakes in the Marine Corps. More than I was willing to admit, prior to writing this letter. I used to think, “it’s better to promote the good and hide the bad” but all that does is give a meaningless, one dimensional image, like a Marine who is only ever seen in cammies or casual civilian attire.

Promote Everything. Leave the judgement to the consumer and the beauty to the eye of the beholder.

To form your own opinion, and for that opinion to be considered valid, with or without the consideration of another, is a blessing and an ability reserved only for the most privileged of individuals.

Unfortunately, I am still a Marine, and Marines do not have opinions. They have orders.

[maguro13-2]

Arle : Remember, Schezo. Girls aren't supposed to be the only ones that knows driving a little too well.

Schezo : Oh don't be ridiculous, you know driving a vehicle could be a little too dangerous to think that all I have are my passports and work visas, plus, my driver's license is right here. Too much from England to drive, no wait. Japan. Who knew driving in San Francisco is much cooler than walking in the woods in Japan. Rulue has never able in the woods barefooted all the time and plus she always drive a vehicle with her feet that is simply a logical explanation, that is until she accidentally stepped on a lego.

Arle : And that considered to be an "Ouch".

Schezo : Right. So that is why I am literally driving this thing. Cause this time, I don't drive with my drive, I can drive with them doing the chauffer.`

Arle : It's "Chauffeur", you're doing it as the way of a driver. Rulue was once a barefooted Chauffeur that literally drives a vehicle with her feet in the past before she accidentally stepped on a lego when I was a little girl.

Schezo : Right.

Arle : So when does it take some to drive this thing with magical gloves?

Schezo : No hands. Totally logic.

Arle : No BJs, no doing dirty stuff car, no nothing. Just friendly driving.

"later..."

Schezo : You know, this driving experience kicking up good. (looks at Arle sleeping)

Rulue : You know, Schezo. Ever since I was barefooted, I always looked upon about my feet being the chauffeur into the world of chauffeuring before I changed clothes. These babies have been steering on the wheel for over a year now. Did a little experience on the no brainer.

Satan : So it's up to you that is going to drive with your hands. Rulue's the best driver that drives a vehicle with her feet. Oh yeah, I remember. It was only a year ago.

*flashback*

Rulue : So what do you think of these guys. Does these look good on chauffeuring a vehicle? (wiggles her toes)) After all I am the biggest chauffeur there is!

Arle : Uhh, what? They look good and you sure this is a good one for your health?

Rulue : Trust me, fellas. It's a good idea to be the coolest chauffeur and I even won a chauffeuring contest for being the best Chauffeur there is! And just because I'm barefooted, doesn't mean that I have to be driving a vehicle with my feet all the time! So grow up, guys! I do not like get my feet hurt or stubbed by any means necessarily to my lovely powerful soles that drives as the greatest Chauffeur in the world! *POKE!* YEOW!! I stand corrected! That's it! I'm going footwear tomorrow.

*flashback ends*

Rulue : Oh yeah, I was a barefooted chauffeur, I used to walk around barefoot that is earthing before I stepped on a lego by accident. So that's all in my head, can't say how great driving is.

Schezo : Sure you would! As long as the world of Monogatari knows, we all come to sudden fruition that having a good friendly reunion is-

*BAM+CRASH!*

Arle : (moaning) What happened?

Schezo : Ah, man. I can't believe we almost took a dark turn or something?

Satan : I feel constipated not remembering about what happened on you were driving? Say isn't that the G.U.N Truck from over a year ago!?

Rulue : I think so.

Schezo : Ah, spit! Now look what they've done! They've totaled my ride and now we can't seem to be driving anymore. Well, this is a wasted opportunity thanks to SEGA's stupid shenanigans. Come on, let's just walk in town since nobody realizes that we're floating in the air.

Arle : You think so, schezo? That's because we are floating in the air and I do believe that we made a fatal blow after the truck crashed into us by accident.

Schezo : Huh? (realizes that he and the others became ghosts) What in the---Oh, man! That ain't right!

Satan : You just had to be Chauffeur didn't you? We all died thanks to the shenanigans that the company did for us.

Schezo : Well, basically, I'm the best chauffeur there is. Hey, Robot dressed as a Reaper. When can we go back to be reviving in the spirit world or in the afterlife to be reincarnated.

Grim (Metal Sonic) : Not for long it isn't.

Schezo : Oh my...

Rulue : Smooth driving, Weegee!

Satan : It only took us to realize how bad driving can be, we only struck a fatable to be dead like this. So this is on you pal.

Arle : You just had it coming, didn't you?

Schezo : You're right. I'm just a minor with no passion for a swordsman as hero in a world. Can't say how much being a swords guy costs.

Arle : I know, I feel your loss dude.

Amitie (as a Boo) : Hey, guys! Look, I'm a ghost now! AND I'M HERE TO HAUNT FOR YOUR LIVES, FOREVER!

Arle : Yeah, I'm definitely not buying that.

Amitie : (frowns)

Arle : Oh well, what the heck. You ready to go haunt some kids today.

All : [cheering]

Grim (Metal Sonic) : Uhh, no. You're all gonna be at my castle for a quite sometime.

Arle : Darn it! Also, could you put her in that Pyramid that the mad scientist occupies, I think she belongs in that place like someone who has his face.

Grim (Metal Sonic) : Of course. (to Amitie) Sorry, young ma'am. Looks like I'm taking you to the Pyramid where the King of Ghosts resides.

Amitie : Oh, darn it all! Welp, at least State Farm is there.

Schezo : Dafuq's a State Farm?

*imaginary scenario ends*

Schezo : And that's why accidents in the car always happen when it comes to driving safety lessons. So f**k you, state farm!

Arle : At least, you got some insurance to prove it.

(iris out)

"CHAUFFEURING IN THE CAR IS NOT AN ACCIDENT."

[randersenblog]

#zeke,m.d.

Dr. Ezekiel “Zeke” Hamilton prided himself on his ability to read patients. The downcast eyes and the restless hands always gave away patients who weren’t taking their meds or following their diets. Thus it was quite a shock when he lost everything after his financial adviser and best friend looked him squarely in the eyes with quiet hands and told him his retirement was safe and sound. His ex-pal Jimbo was someplace warm and sunny spending Zeke”s embezzled retirement money with Zeke’s ex wife and Zeke’s ex-dog. Dammit, I liked that dog, thought Zeke. Four years, four months and four days of eating, drinking and fishing were over. Zeke Hamilton M.D. was returning to the world of medicine. 

The good news was that he still had a medical license. They last for ten years and he had just re-upped a year before his retirement.The bad news was that he did not have a job. He partly or mostly retired because the medical practice he started was bought out by the local hospital chain. After what I said there’s no way even those guys would take me back he thought. 

Zeke looked in the mirror as he primped and prepped for his appointment with the physician placement company. Not bad for 61, he thought. Oprah said 60 is the new 40 and hell Oprah is right about everything. A few gray hairs and a few extra pounds but I’ve still got it. Who wouldn’t want to hire a great looking, intelligent and humble guy like me? He dragged himself away from the mirror and headed off to his interview. 

Being a locum tenens doc always sound cool and faintly exotic. In literal terms a locum tenens “held the place” of a full time worker on leave. In practical terms one locum tenens replaced another in a revolving door fashion in places that couldn't find full time physicians. Adaptability and willingness to travel were necessary traits for a locum tenens. Zeke had neither but he figured he could adapt to anything anywhere as long as they paid him well. 

Doctors have an arrogance problem. They get the best grades at the best schools and heck they know how your vital organs work. Zeke had it but at least recognized it and tried to fight it. Today though it was hard to fight as he sat in the office of Marian DeWald, physician placement specialist. Maybe it was the three stooges Moe haircut or maybe it was the sloppy trifecta of clothes, desk and attitude but he was fighting the arrogance demons big time today. 

“Why are you thinking about locum tenens Dr. Hamilton?”, asked Mrs. DeWald. 

So I can work my butt off in some god-forsaken place with a bunch of jerks he thought. 

“I just want a change of pace. Retirement was great but I needed to feel useful again. Being a doctor is so much of who I am I couldn’t give it up forever.” 

“What kind of position are you interested in?”, she asked. Any place without hospital administrators or jackass young doctors, he thought. “I’m flexible”, he said, “I just want to work with good solid people.” “Did you have any places in mind”, she asked. Hawaii or Vail would be nice, he thought, but anything would be better than a homeless shelter. 

“You know I could probably be happy anywhere as long as I am taking care of patients.” 

“That’s a great attitude Dr. Hamilton” she responded, “let’s see what’s available”. “You know that with the all the changes in healthcare locum tenens jobs have become very popular with doctors. We don’t have nearly as many positions available as we did a few years ago.” 

Great, thought Zeke, East Armpit here we come. 

“Here’s one that might interest you”, she said looking up from her computer screen. 

With that haircut I should at least be able to “pick two” he thought. 

“Great, what have you got for me?” he answered. 

“Now remember to keep an open mind. Some smaller hospitals are actually wonderful places to work”, she said with a smile. “It’s the patients and the people that make the difference”. 

Wow, he thought, this must be the physician placement version of the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech Zeke had used with assorted ex-girlfriends over the years. 

“There is a small hospital in Nebraska that really needs help” she said. 

His mouth was already forming the “no f—king way” when he heard the $5000 a week plus expenses part. 

“Nebraska” , he said, I’ve never been to that part of the country. Corn and football are two of my favorite things. What’s the job like?” 

“It’s a small hospital, she said, but it services a large area. They need a doc who can handle a lot of different things. The hospital patients need to be rounded on. There is a small ER that needs to be staffed and an outpatient clinic.” 

“Would I be working on my own”, he said. 

“There is another physician there as well as a nurse practitioner”, she said. “Have you ever worked with a nurse practitioner?” 

A nurse what? he thought but answered “oh yeah many times. They are always a great addition to the team”. 

“Well that is fantastic Dr. Hamilton”, she said, “ I think this will work out very well for everybody”. “When can you start? They could really use some help out there so the sooner the better”. 

“I have a few things I have to do before I leave(that rented DVD has to get back) and some loved ones to notify(OK maybe not) but I can leave in two days if that is convenient”. 

“Great, said Mrs. DeWald, we will book a flight for you on Wednesday. I will call them and make all your arrangements. I am sure they will be so excited to see you.” 

Now to find that DVD and rustle up some loved ones. He wasn’t even in Nebraska yet and he was talking about rustling, he thought. “Thanks so much for your help,” he answered. I can’t wait for this new adventure. Er, how does compensation work?” 

“If you give me your banking information I can arrange a direct deposit every week. Of course the hospital has to be happy with your work. That is part of the arrangement.” 

Great, he thought, once again at the mercy of the bozos. “No problem, he said, I am sure they will be very satisfied with my efforts. Goodbye Mrs. De Wald. It has been a pleasure”. Wait, he thought, not pleasure but something that begins with p—pain in the ass, that’s it. 

Next thing Zeke he knew he was on a plane to Omaha, Nebraska. First class-not hardly. business class-nope. Econo class with a middle seat and big fatties on either side. I had no idea that Omaha beef referred to humans, he thought, as he tried some meditative self shrinkage techniques. After landing and extricating himself from his fellow passengers Zeke made his way the the rental car kiosk. “Yes we have your reservation, Dr. Hamilton” said the clerk. Cedes, Beemer or Lambo thought Zeke. “Your Hyundai econo car is ready for you”. These guys really know how to roll out the red carpet, thought Zeke. 

Zeke found his car(in between a mercedes and a bmw by the way-thank you god) and prayed it had a GPS. Thankfully it did so he punched in his new home of Woomsey, Nebraska. 

Woomsey sounds too much like woe-is-me he thought. Maybe they need a shrink rather than a seasoned GP like me. Oh well they’ve got me now. He hit the gas and away he went to a new chapter in life. 

After four hours of country music and “huskers” football news Zeke finally pulled into the parking lot of the medical center. Wow, he thought, I didn’t know Days Inn was branching out into hospitals. The low slung building with the protruding awning screamed “free HBO”. It’s hard to believe this place holds 30 patients, operating rooms and an ER. This place was sure no Massachusetts General Hospital but he had 5000 good reasons to be here. Taking a deep breath he walked in and looked for a friendly face and free HBO.