daquanshell

[daquanshell]

Removing the Shell

So recently I’ve had a change in my life that calls for the end of this blog, since a recent realization has lead to a desire to change my name, but I was struggling to find something that properly reflected my identity. I was never sold on “Pean Shell”, as a family name. I was literally the only person in my family with that name, and it didn’t dawn on me until just recently, that the reason I was the only person with that family name, was because I was the only person in my family.

I obtained the Pean Shell family name as part of an adoption process. My mother asked me if I wanted to switch my name to “Shell”, which I did not want to do, so we compromised and changed it to “Pean Shell”, that way, I could still keep my original family name, while adding my new family on top of it. The best of both worlds! Or so I thought.

When I was about 23 or so, I was removed from the Shell family. My memory failing me aside, I remember Jacklyn, my mother at the time, citing my behavior or my “failures as a young adult” as the reason, but due to the trauma of the event, my brain literally does not allow me to recall the details.

For a while, I thought about “Earning my Place in the Family”, which I was largely able to do after becoming a Marine. However, that comfort was short lived, as shortly after I was welcomed back, I was ejected again, this time by a more senior member of the family.

I cried my eyes out that day. Sorrow, at the loss of the relationship, and joy, at the realization that a struggle was finally over.

I was able to obtain my current apartment using the money I saved up after the end of my first enlistment contract. This is my first apartment in almost 10 years, and the first place I can freely and openly practice my religion in the time since. Judaism is a lot different from Christianity, in the sense that Temple membership can be quite expensive, and even though exceptions can be made, they reflect very poorly on the person who is asking, since the basic idea of Judaism is that you should practice your religion at home more so than in public.

In addition to that, another core tenant is Torah study, and it’s extremely important to keep a Torah at home. Ideally, one would keep a Torah Scroll among their possessions, but it’s perfectly acceptable to have it in book form. In addition to the book and scroll forms, it’s also wise to keep a copy on your mobile devices, so that way you always have access to it.

The thing is, in the military you don’t always have access to your phone nor do you ever have privacy, so it can become challenging to grow spiritually in those conditions. Every now and then, I’ll display my Judaism publicly through Judaica and informal greetings but for every person who was acceptive and even supportive of my religion, there were 2 or 3 people who came across as somewhat antisemitic.

I’ve been asked to remove my Judaica despite it not bothering anyone, I’ve been told “I’m not Jewish because my parents aren’t Jewish”, I’ve been told “I’m not Jewish because I didn’t have a Jewish Childhood”, and probably the most insensitive of all, I’ve been told “I’m not Jewish because I’m black”, which is both antisemitic AND racist, I really did not catch any breaks.

The nail in the coffin was the absolute lack of an established Jewish Service in Twentynine Palms.

Church is not the same thing. While there is a lot of value in going to church (specifically for the fellowship) and I have regularly attended services in the past, I usually only do so as a supplement to my regular religious services, and NOT a replacement. Even now, I am a regular member at a local church, but that’s pretty much only because I’m not only able to attend Temple Services but because I’m also able to practice at home. I can freely celebrate both Shabbat and the High Holidays, so my spiritual life is at an all time high.

With my spiritual life in order and both my personal and professional lives reflecting that, I endeavored that it was time to re-enlist. This time, rather than enlisting for the sake of a job outside the military, I plan on staying in the military until I die. If I somehow make it 64 I’ll retire on schedule, after which I’ll go into either acting or politics, whichever one offers better opportunities at the time.

I’ve also considered the fact I might die before the end of my contract, which is also okay with me. I’ve decided on both where and how I’d like to be buried, so at this point it’s just a matter of submitting the documentation and finding trustworthy executors, but those are problems for another day.

The purpose of this post is to announce the closing of this blog specifically (I’ll start a new one) and to announce my change in name. I’m not changing it to anything crazy, I’m just changing it to what it was before I was adopted, and taking the opportunity to double down on my alter ego, Black Alex.

There will be a slight change in the type of content as well. For the most part, my content moving forward will focus on my military career, with a side story of my sales career. Personally, I think my sales career is more interesting since it’s a little more of a unique story, but I think my military career is more meaningful and thus, overall more important. While my sales career pays better, it is self-serving, using only benefitting me, my directs, or my organization, whereas my military career benefits the world at large.

My overall goal is for Judaism to become more accessible, specifically to African Americans. In order to do that, I’ll need to leverage the platforms available military and political leadership, while doing so in a way that primarily engages both the youth and their parents. In an ideal world, our efforts to broadcast Judaism in a meaningful way would also serve as a recruiting effort, a campaign effort, an effort to improve financial literacy, and an effort to improve the availability of both private and higher education.

Black Students in Hebrew Schools

My Magnus Opus, is likely to be a film or tv series that is largely inspired by the Power Franchise. I am a huge fan of the Power Franchise, and I watched the entire original series over a few months while spending time with my old family. It was one of the last things we did together, and it’s notable for being one of the few times that my mother, my brother, and myself all ate food together. In fact, I think it’s the only time, so I’ll likely include a reference to that moment in one of my stories.

The idea I’ve had, that I’ve been mulling over for a while, was for a film series called “A History of Blood”. The story would be a work of Historical Fiction, based on the real life events that lead to the creation of the Bloods street gang, with twists based on my personal experiences.

What was a once a story about two African Americans who created a loosely organized street gang in response to victimization in local violent crimes, will become a story about two African Americans who create a loosely organized, yet highly trained private security company made up mostly of military and their families.

Thus, what was once a cautionary tale of Black History has become Military Propaganda, focusing heavily on the lives of African Americans serving in the Armed Forces, specifically the Marines and their Navy Attachments.

Hopefully, I can become a real life officer in either branch, but I’ll settle for being an actor who plays one really well in the unlikely event I run out of time to commission.

Once a Marine

I’m gonna close this by referring to actual politics and giving my opinion on current events, something I’ll likely be doing a lot moving forward. This is the first year in my adult life where I am a registered voter and I am very happy to have such wonderful candidates running for office at the moment. I’ve been a fan of Trump since long before his presidency but I his choice of VP had really shocked me in how spectacular it is. For his running mate for the US Presidency he chose a United States Marines.

I was reading my orders earlier, and they very clearly state “Once a Marine, Always a Marine”, and I think JD Vance is an excellent representative of not only the GOP but more importantly, the Marines.

It kind of bugs me that out of all the presidents of the United States, a majority of which have served in the military, ranking from private to general, not a single one has come from the Marines. The navy, sure, and the army, obviously, but not a single one from the branch I call my own. So, I think a Marine as a VP is a step in the right direction, and I’ll devote further time into studying the relationship between Military and Politics.

The president is the leader of all the armed forces, so you think it would be natural for the Marines, who have been around since the dawn of the presidency, to also aspire to those great heights, but no. The lack of a Marine as President says a lot about the leadership of the Marines, and for their aspirations outside of service. Serving does take a lot out of you, but I genuinely think that Junior Marines tend to sell themselves short, while the leaders get too comfortable due to how simple life is in uniform.

Rather than put energy into complaining about the current military complex, I’ll work to change it (from the inside), starting with the places and things I know.

For starters, that means an established Jewish Service on Twentynine Palms. I spent a year there totally by accident, got my assed kicked and my uniforms stolen, before being sent home.

I’d tell you what I’m going back for, but if you read this carefully enough you would already know 🩸

[daquanshell]

The Continual Build

Last night I went out to one of my favorite monthly events, where a small group of people I actually like meet up for Karaoke. The event was quite entertaining, with the crowd being made up of mostly older women, and an older gentleman who also happens to be a writer, such as myself. I sang two songs: “Again”, by Doris Day, and “Blinding Lights”, by Abel Tesfaye, also known as The Weeknd.

The conversation was varied and extremely interesting, primarily thanks to a woman named Nancy, who arrived early and commented on a piece of jewelry I was wearing. What followed was a discussion on travel, friendship, religion, and military service, ending with a blessing for my future campaigns. Lately, I’ve been a lot more picky about the social events I attend, and I’m glad I chose this one. I could genuinely use more people like her in my life.

Jews in the Wild

One thing that was pretty funny about Jewish people in the wild (aka outside of an established religious service or in an environment where Jewish people are a minority) is how they approach you once they find out that you are Jewish. They usually do one of two things, both of which I genuinely find hilarious.

The first is that they say a random phrase in Hebrew. Usually something that is neither a proper greeting, relevant to the situation, nor about future plans, but they particularly like to ask about your upbringing, which in my opinion, is a rather strange thing to ask a person you just met, but it happens so often that its more surprising that I’m not usually prepared for it.

In all honesty, I have been slacking on my Hebrew studies lately. It’s been hard to make the time between school, work, furnishing my new apartment, looking for my future wife and trying to have a social life, but I feel as though my encounter last night was a friendly reminder to both take my studies more seriously, while also working on my social skills. It’s bad enough that I’m largely illiterate and don’t have many friends, but my current situation is no excuse for continuing my education nor actively working to improve my social standing.

Regarding my Upbringing

I had a uniquely African American upbringing, more so than a Jewish one. I didn’t actually find my Jewish Identity until I left my childhood home, after recovering from a near-death encounter. I will spare you the gory details, but the encounter left me bedridden for awhile, with a foggy memory and absolutely no idea how to survive, let alone thrive as both an Adult Male, an African American, and member of the Jewish Community with no real education or connections.

To make matters worse, I was extremely poor, and I was not the kind of person who considered himself a charity case, rather I was the kind of person who believed that all problems could be solved through a combination of intelligence and diligent effort.

Of course, I understood luck to be an ingredient as well, but I’ve never been a fan of luck due to its unreliability. Having no idea what to do, I left my home and went into the wilderness for a while, and it was there that I found my answer. I was called to something significantly larger and more important to me.

I was in recruit training when I first had my first real exposure to Torah. I had spent years studying it, reading it from my phone, and reading English versions of the Chumash, but there was something completely otherworldly about the real thing.

It was like the difference between looking out the window and being outside, one gives you the impression of the air and the elements, while the other allows you to feel it for yourself, for better or worse. Being called to Torah is a wonderful thing, similar to being called to military service, and it fills my heart with pride and joying knowing that my decision to join the military lead me closer to Torah.

I sometimes feel bad I can’t dedicate more time to study. I have to spend so much time exercising, cooking, cleaning, working, traveling, socializing, resting, and relaxing, that sometimes I feel like I’m neglecting my studies, despite always keeping Torah with me (shoutout to the Sefaria app).

Speaking of the Sefaria app, they recently sent me something to my home in New York. I really should visit there, both for the opportunity to see my mom, explore my place of birth, and see what the community there is like. It’s no secret that a majority of Jewish people live in either New York or Israel, and even at the Chabad in Baltimore, all anyone does is talk about how “Baltimore is not New York”, which really discounts the charm of this wonderful city.

Yes, Baltimore is dangerous and Democratic, but it’s also full of beautiful art and magnificent people. Moving forward, I’ll definitely try to capture the beauty of Baltimore more in addition to traveling, but in the meantime I have a lot of housekeeping to do, online and offline.

The offline housekeeping is boring stuff like laundry, dishes, and carpet cleaning, but the online stuff is pretty cool. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be revamping my social media to establish a continuity that is ideally easy to follow, so that anyone I meet in person or online can dive into the rabbit hole that is my persona and my writings.

Hopefully the social media revamp leads to this blog evolving into a full blown website, but it’s still too early to tell.

[daquanshell]

If You Start in the Morning

Yesterday I didn’t finish my blog post until the wee hours of the night, probably because I didn’t actually start writing until the night, so today we are going to start writing in the morning, take notes throughout the day, and then finish at night. This should give a more clear image of what a “Day in the Life” for me actually looks like at the moment.

The Morning usually starts with a prayer (the Shema) before looking for something to eat. Since moving on my own it’s been quite difficult to maintain adequate nutrition, due to my unusually high housing expenses, and while I shouldn’t have any problem qualifying for Financial Aid or the Supplemental Nutritional Assistance Program, the reality of it is that both of those are going to require a fairly massive amount of paperwork, and I haven’t really had the time to both gather all the prerequisite paperwork and submit it to the proper authorities.

Planning for Retirement

A few weeks ago, I verified my social security benefits as part of my own financial plan and by doing so, I was able to look back at my salaries over the course of my career.

Historically, a large portion of my income has been as a 1099 independent contractor (which is not taxed) but I usually also have a salaried job that pays enough to afford my living expenses, while the commissions from work allow me to afford my lifestyle. This has not changed whatsoever, although since moving to the financial services industry, the amount of money I can make has been bottlenecked for two reasons.

Working from Home

After the COVID-19 Pandemic, the vast majority of jobs went from meeting in the office and traveling to the field together, to meeting online and traveling to the field alone. I have never been a fan of this change and it can be cited as one the main reasons why I left the Consulting industry for more Customer Service Oriented roles, but even Customer Service roles can have you working from home if your job doesn’t require you to meet with clients face to face on a regular basis.

I really can’t stress enough how much I dislike working from home. It’s impossible to make real connections with your coworkers and very difficult to make good first impressions. Of my greatest strengths has become my professionalism: I can look and act the part on the front end while getting the results on the back end. I’ve demonstrated this multiple times throughout my career

Here’s a photo of my team when I worked at Entel Marketing, a small marketing and advertising firm located in Dallas, TX.

I got the job through a referral from my previous employer, which allowed me to do the same line of work I was doing previously but in a different environment, which was really what I was looking for at the time. Entel had a really frustrating way of paying out and accounting for contracts, and back then, my poor admin skills lead to poor money management, and even though I was making more money, my take-home didn’t increase much.

Salary vs. Commission

One of the biggest points of contention in my industry is the everlasting battle of Salary vs. Commission.

Right now, I have the best of both worlds, a decent salary (about $33k a year) and multiple business opportunities that allow me to scale my income into a much more comfortable territory.

One of the reasons I’m not particularly in a rush to re-enlist in the Marines is mostly because currently, I both have a significantly better living situation (My Apartment > The Barracks) and I even make a bit more money (about $8k a year more) while being significantly closer to my religious community, in addition to being able to freely practice my religion at home.

That being said, my recruiter said something that piqued my interest during our last meeting. He pretty much told me that, barring a commission to an officer, my best bet for reenlisting would be to qualify for BAH, which is a massive increase in pay.

Here are the numbers:

E-2 Annual Salary = $25,790

E-2 Annual Salary w/ BAH = $56,426

It gets even crazier if you become an officer:

O-1 Annual Salary = $45,914

O-1 Annual Salary w/ BAH = $93,689~

An O-1 with BAH makes almost four times the amount of an enlisted, member of a similar pay grade, which is kind of insane if you ask me.

Outside of the Military, my current employment is doing well. One of the Managers at a firm I work at recently encouraged me to strive for a leadership position, which would come with a healthy pay raise (about $37.5k, or a $4.5k increase) and more time in the office.

For the time being, I’ll shoot for that, while continuing to work on my baccalaureate and necessary business licenses.

I’d also like to publish more of my work. These blog posts have been super insightful, so I’ll probably continue to write them while expanding my writing to include more personal development, professional development, financial literacy, since those tend to be the highlights of my day to day anyway.

I’ll probably start tomorrow’s post with an income disclosure statement (similar to this one) before exploring more financial illustration and uniform guidelines.

In addition to that, I’ll hopefully be able to link everything together. It would be nice to see all of the work I do in one place, in addition to being able to refer to the links both in person and online.

I’m very happy with the way this post has turned out so I’ll end it with more anapodota:

If you start in the morning (you’ll be finished at night)

[daquanshell]

“Once a Marine”

I’ve been meaning to publish more content about my day job but for the most part I keep getting distracted by my own military aspirations. There are so many things I miss about the Marines that it’s sometimes hard to focus, although it’s important that I take some time to talk about what I actually do for work since it’s not only relevant to my career as a whole, it’s pretty much a requirement if I ever want to improve my income without completely sacrificing my quality of life.

I work in the Higher Education Department of a Company called “CMD Outsourcing and Investments”. It’s a small company with an office in Hunt Valley, although I virtually never go into the office nowadays. I’ve been working there for about 9 months, the pay is alright (better than the Marines), and for the most part the work is fairly straightforward, although largely mind numbing at times.

My New Home

I’ve been looking for a new school ever since my old school closed down, and wanting to continue my education was one the driving reasons I joined the Military. If I was smart, I would have skipped the Marines and went straight into the Navy, avoiding the annoyance of “Marine Corps Recruiting”, the endless waivers, the general stupidity, and the constant interviews for security clearance. At the same time, if given the opportunity, I would join the Marines again, especially now that I now the secret:

“Feel free to ask questions, but don’t say anything other than what the other person wants to hear”

This means that the next time I go to a recruiter, pretty much all I’m gonna do is “act like nothing is wrong”, and say “I’d like to get into service as soon as possible”. I’m sure the same strategy would work for the Navy, although I’ll probably be a little more careful when choosing a job.

The Most Important Thing

I’ve learned that the most important thing when choosing both a branch and MOS is the uniforms.

Despite all the individuals in the above photograph clearly wearing MARPAT, none of them are actually Marines. Apparently, there are jobs in the Navy that allow you to wear the Marine Corps Combat Utility Uniform, namely the following:

Navy Corpsman

Navy Medical Personnel

Navy Religious Personnel

and Navy Officers

In addition to the above jobs, I’m also very much interested in the Mass Communication Specialist (MC) Rate that the Navy Offers. I’ve also heard the Navy is having a bit of a harder time recruiting, which typically means it’s easier to get in the front door. The easier PT would also be a lifesaver in the long run. There are more women in the Navy (not that I’m joining to date) and the higher age limit means not only would I personally have an easier time getting in, it would be easier to recruit my friends. While my opportunity in the Marines ages like milk, my opportunity in the Navy ages like wine.

Also, while I think the Marine Corps definitely has the better Enlisted Uniforms (I’ll write about them more later) The Navy has a Spectacular Set of Uniforms for its Officers and SNCOs.

Realistically, I could start school in the Spring, go to boot camp in the Summer, and go back to school once I’ve made it too the fleet.

Alternatively, I could keep working where I’m working now, get my drivers and insurance licenses, and transition to school part time, insurance part time, and the military part time. If I reenlist in the Marines, this is likely the best option.

Of course, that means waiting even longer to re-enlist, the idea of which I am not a fan of. At the same time, I feel it would be worth it to take the extra time to really work on my case a little better, changing the narrative to this:

10 Reasons why I Joined the Marines

The Call -> The Few, The Proud

The Challenge -> it’s not too late

Water Survival

Self Defense

Service Rifle

Continuing Education

Intelligence

Home Defense

Religious Obligation

Service -> I have so much more to give (Leadership)

I was hoping to get this blog post done before midnight, but I did work a full day today, and after work I needed a little bit more time to myself before finding the inspiration. That being said, I think the right thing to do at the moment is wait, since after writing all the above bullet points, I think they would make a great essay, and one that I absolutely need to write as soon as possible. Maybe not tomorrow, but hopefully over the weekend.

Lastly, I’ll close this by using a word I spent a literally a hour looking for, a word that perfectly resonates with my literary style and an idiom that I think perfectly captures the way I feel about the Marine Corps.

The word is Anapodota, plural for an anapodoton.

It is a figure of speech that is an incomplete sentence, a standalone clause that implies (a main clause), but this is not actually provided.

As an intentional rhetorical device, it is generally used for set phrases, where the full form is understood, and would thus be tedious to spell out.

Some famous examples are:

When in Rome (Do as the Romans)

A Frog in a Well (Cannot Conceive of the Ocean)

Birds of a Feather (Flock Together)

Back when I worked in Consulting, we would use these during team building exercises, where the leader would say the stated part, and the congregation would say the implied part.

The leader would say “Why be Average?”

The congregation says “When I am a Savage?”

In this case, rather than a leader and congregation, it is a recruiter speaking to a prior service member.

The recruiter says:

“Once a Marine”

and the prior service member says:

“Always a Marine”

[daquanshell]

Air Control Training Squadron (ACTS)

In honor of coming back from such a long hiatus, today we are going to double post, expanding on some of the concepts explored in the previous post, while also mixing it up a little. Should be a lot of fun.

The cover for this post is a photo of me still in uniform, back when I was stationed in Twentynine Palms and still a part of Air Control Training Squadron (ACTS). I actually love the fact that ACTS was my first unit, especially now that I am able to zoom out a little bit, lay in my own bed in my own home, in safety, peace and quiet, with a Torah by my bedside.

The only thing that could possibly make me feel more Jewish than sitting in my home with all the electronic and lights off, (and aside from living in a dedicated Jewish Community) would be if my Chumash was replaced by a Sefer Torah and my phone was replaced by Parchment and candlelight.

Honesty, today feels like a mini-shabbat which is a very unexpected surprise, that also feels like a reward for my recent change in schedule.

Previously, I had set my bedtime to midnight, meaning I wouldn’t be asleep until about 1am (or later in some cases) and that I would be waking up only to immediately go to work. I now realize how insane that sounds.

Like imagine waking up and the first thing you do is check in and go “Hi Boss” like some of the more interesting characters in my office do.

I am actually not joking either, there is literally a girl who genuinely says “Good Morning, Good Lunch, and Good Night Boss” to another one of our coworkers. Both girls come off as real chowderheads in the most endearing way, one because I imagine she actually does respect her “Boss”, and the other for actually taking her role seriously. The second girl only says “Good Morning Boss”, because the first girl said “Good Morning Team” in the first place.

Speaking of Work

I genuinely dislike (and borderline hate) the fact that my story was never included on the Towson Marines Instagram Page. It genuinely grinds my gears.

At the same time, the SSGT who recruited me is also not on the social media page, so I shouldn’t be too surprised by this fact.

While a part of me wonders why I didn’t choose my recruiter more carefully in the beginning, I don’t actually have to go back too far to see what was missing in my decision making, you can literally just scroll this post to see the secret ingredient, and even though there aren’t any candles on this night, and I don’t actually have a glass to raise or a party to give the actual speech too, I’d still like to give a huge shoutout (and call out) to SSGT Caillouet.

This picture was taken on March 22, 2022 @ 1:33 PM, somewhere in Dundalk, at a High School in that area, back before I was in the DEP program and back when SSGT Caillouet was still an E-5

Notinregs

What I love about the picture is two things:

It shows who I was before the Marines

I’ve seen SSGT recently and he hasn’t changed

HES NOT WEARING A COVER OUTDOORS

No seriously. This picture may save my life one day. Historically, GySgt Howard and I have not seen eye to eye on some major subjects. Namely, my relationship with Gidley and my career in the Marines in general, as he seemed to be under the impression that I confessed my love for her and was rejected, and that I should move on with my career and find something “Better than the Marines Corps”.

Obviously, he doesn’t know me. The Marine Corps may be the dumbest organization on the planet, full of literal goons, goblins, and crayon eaters, but nothing better than the Marine Corps. Nothing. I wore my Eagle, Globe, and Anchor with pride, every day up until the day it was stripped from me.

Gidley filed a protective order on me because she was either afraid of me or for me. I’d like to believe she was genuinely worried about my mental health (as I was with hers) both because we were friends, and because I did not “hide” my mental health. It was fairly public knowledge that I would prioritize therapy and recovery meetings, going to great efforts to attend them, and maybe GySgt Howard has spectacular mental health and can’t relate, but personally I need therapy and recovery services in the total absence of religious services. I need one or the other.

I’m so mad I have so much to write about especially when I realize I could have been doing it this the whole time, but again, the missing ingredients are all over this post. There were no established Jewish Services in Twentynine Palms, very few Jews in general, and very few that I actually had a meaningful connection with, but I’d like to wrap this post up before actual Shabbat, so I’ll just wrap it up.

At times, the world is cold, dark and chaotic. Even after the genesis of light, nature, warmth, and humanity, those things still fade before they eventually return.

GySgt Howard was instrumental in removing me from my home in the desert, but can you blame him? He had never met me as a civilian, had never met my recruiters, didn’t know my story, we did not have Judaism in common, and even though we are much closer in age than a majority of our peers, the structure of our unit, combined with the differences in rank would make it impossible for us to have a normal conversation together. We had, and likely still do, have so much in common.

Endless love for our families, guns, and a love for the Marine Corps.

He would not only be appalled by SSGT Caillouet not wearing his cover outdoors, he would also understand the gravity of him not only doing it with a member of the DEP in tow, but doing it in an extremely visible area.

It’s one thing to not wear your uniform correctly in the comfort of your home, in the exclusive company of other Marines, or when the cameras are off, but this is photographic evidence of sabotage.

How could I, a civilian, correct a Marine?

How could I, a junior enlisted, correct an NCO?

GySgt Howard was the one who suggested I expose my recruiter(s), and at first, I didn’t want to, feeling a sense of indebtedness for them allowing me the opportunity to be become a Marine. Also, they did their job, I literally asked my recruiter “Get me in the Marines as fast as possible, and he got me into the Marines in a reasonable time. I’m not sure what happened to my actual recruiter, but I hope he’s doing well.

I was also very upset with GySgt Howard when he sent me home. At the time, I really wanted to continue my education (and by extension, my career) but it’s like he knew I had better things to do. By leaving the desert, even though I had to turn in my uniforms, I was able to spend precious time with my mother.

In fact, the time in between me leaving the desert, and writing this post, I’ve probably spent more physical time with my mother than I did in my entire adult life. My whole family actually. I saw my mother, my brother, and my auntie literally everyday, and everyday we would do nothing together. We’d smoke cigarettes and cigars, eat, watch movies and tv, and watch the time fly by. I watched my mom come back from the brink of death. I am so proud of her.

She texted me the other day and I immediately called her and yapped for an hour about “work”, I know she was sick of me 😅 it’s hard not to become a yapalohic when you finally find worthwhile subject matter.

[daquanshell]

Towson Marines

Over the last few years I’ve went through some pretty dramatic changes, some of which changing the core of who I am, essentially, canon events that have shaped me into be, at least on the outside, a better looking person. I still struggle with the person I am on the inside at times.

Judaism. Military Uniforms. Financial Services.

These are three things that I feel accurately describe who I am, and would likely be considered my most unique selling points, and while sometimes I think I do a great job at any one of these at any given time, there are other times where I feel these things are completely absent from my life.

I always feel Jewish, but there are times where I don’t feel Jewish enough.

I always feel like a Marine, but then there are times where I don’t feel like a motivator.

I literally spend 70-80% of my time at work talking about money, with a side hustle where I spend another 70-80% of my time talking about money, but there are still so many times where I don’t feel like I work in Finance.

Sophomore

I was today years old when I realized I was a Sophomore in college. I’ve been working in the Higher Education Department of my company for months and I only just recently applied to one of our schools. I feel like it’s a good story to tell someone who knows me, but an extremely inappropriate story for someone who doesn’t know me and, right now, I don’t think anyone does.

I don’t think I qualify as a true sophomore as a Marine since no matter what I’ll be a junior enlisted, despite being in my early 30’s, since age actually has no really impact in the military, unlike in the civilian world, where age (specifically seniority), usually offers you a marked advantage in virtually all relationships.

Actually, now that I think about it, the age thing will likely work in my favor, just further down the road than I’d like.

I am definitely still a freshman when it comes to Financial Services, since I’ve struggled to obtain any rank, titles, or licenses since I’ve started on this path. Basically, I’ve been walking in and out of the door without actually checking out the building.

Punishment

Maimonides once said, “The reward for a good dead is a good dead, and the punishment for sin is sin.”

Even though I loved Sarah with all my heart, I refused to continually remind her. She died likely doubting my love for her.

Even though I was prepared to start a family with Kimberly, I never really committed to her the way I should have. Even though my feelings for her have not changed, today we are effectively strangers.

Even though I love my mom with all my heart and soul, I’m not brave enough to live with her. Thus, I live alone, as opposed to sharing my life, and by extension, my Judaism with the only woman I’ve known my whole life.

I never cared for Gidley, but I realize the letters I wrote probably gave her the wrong impression. I really do just like to write, and every now and then I like to have people read my letters and stories. I genuinely do not care if no one else sees this (although it’s important I still publish it for reference).

I genuinely made mistakes in the Marine Corps. More than I was willing to admit, prior to writing this letter. I used to think, “it’s better to promote the good and hide the bad” but all that does is give a meaningless, one dimensional image, like a Marine who is only ever seen in cammies or casual civilian attire.

Promote Everything. Leave the judgement to the consumer and the beauty to the eye of the beholder.

To form your own opinion, and for that opinion to be considered valid, with or without the consideration of another, is a blessing and an ability reserved only for the most privileged of individuals.

Unfortunately, I am still a Marine, and Marines do not have opinions. They have orders.

[daquanshell]

“Birthday Breakup”

I originally wrote this post on my birthday, although the photo is from November, around the time when I was still dating Kristen.

Kristen went on a few dates, attended a few events together, and saw each other at different events around the city. We dated from the time we met (At a Symphony Orchestra in October), up until my 32nd birthday, in which she suggested we “see other people”.

I’m editing and republishing this post almost 6 months after we broke up, after taking the time to really reflect on the things I loved about our relationship, and the areas I think I could improve.

Similarly to my first military contract, I thought our relationship ended too soon. 6 months is barely enough time to get to know someone, especially considering the time frame in which she had met me.

As stated in some of my previous work, I go through transformations quite often, (usually year by year) and while you can get an idea of me in six months, it’s impossible to get the full picture, especially when you try to keep your relationship a secret.

The First Major Problem

If you were to ask me, the secretive nature of our relationship was why it didn’t work. Frankly, dating in secret comes off as shameful, dishonest, or immature, and considering her age, I don’t think it was the last option.

I could never comprehend dating in secret. Relationships are best when shared, because if you keep them a secret, you don’t give your friends and family the opportunity to support you. I’ve also never been the type to ever care if a woman ran her mouth about me (I like it actually), so I genuinely couldn’t relate with her reasoning, and with so many other things going on in my life, I didn’t have the opportunity to really question her or deeply consider it, at least not until we broke up.

The Second Major Problem

The second major problem is unfortunately derivative of the first. A complete lack of social media interaction. Now, this wouldn’t matter much if I came from a wealthy family or a had a different skill set, but the success of my career hinges on my ability to build an online persona that I can maintain in person. She seemed to be under the impression that my social media was for personal use, and that it involved sharing the intimate details of my life, but no; my social media is simply a way for people to track my career, and professional life while getting a better scope of my activities.

It’s not just about (my) Social Media

I would love if the next woman I date understands the image I am trying to build. It’s not just about my own personal social media (in fact, my personal social media has little to do with it), but it’s about my image being shared publicly, and is more about SEO than anything.

It’s very likely, that upon approaching a person in person or online, they are going to review my social media. That is intentional. The idea is that if a person was to see me in person, see me online, or talk to me privately, they would always see the same person. The tricky part about that, is that I have multiple jobs, so even though they will always see the same person, I might not be doing the same things, or wearing the same clothes.

As a United States Marine, I have 12 different uniforms.

There are an insane amount of rules and regulations on them (more on that later), both from how each uniform is worn and when, to where the uniform is worn and during what activity.

To summarize, there are four different types of uniforms:

Dress, Service, Combat, and Physical Training.

Each uniform has a summer and a winter variant.

For the Combat Uniform, the only real change between winter and summer is the way you wear your sleeves and what you wear underneath, but the other types of uniforms typically require another article of clothing altogether, an article that requires additional maintenance.

My Favorite Uniform

Overall, my favorite uniform in the Marines is the Service Alphas. A spectacular and versatile uniform that is the equivalent of a business suit. I wore a suit everyday, in the civilian world, but I never really wore my service uniform. I wore it twice, I wore the Service Charlies go shopping after boot camp (because I literally had nothing else to wear) and then I wore Service Alphas to check in at MCT.

This photo can single-handedly be cited as the reason I re-enlisted in the Marines.

It wasn’t about the cammies, it wasn’t about the Blue Dress Alphas with my singular medal, nor was it really about the benefits (although the GI Bill would be nice)

It was about this uniform, and what this uniform represents. Service.

I did not join the Marines to make money (you are literally a volunteer) I did not join the Marines because I love amphibious operations or expeditionary anything (I am a literal homebody), but I did join the Marines for the spectacular uniforms, which will be a very important subject for both this blog and my life in general.

The Universal Solution

While I’m not sure if Kristen and I will ever see each other (I will be actively avoiding her) I would not mind if she read this letter nor would I mind if she reached out to me. I would love to thank her not only for her companionship but also thank her for modeling for me.

I am effectively an actor, with modeling being a huge part of what I do. I’m not saying I won’t act in plays, movies, or television, nor am I saying I won’t model for luxury fashion brands or create my own luxury brand at some point, but what I’m saying is that the military will always be a part of my life and a core component of my personality, image, and branding.

For the sake of accountability, I should have told her more about my military aspirations. I should have told her that despite me just getting out, I’m going right back in, and I should have told her that I’m looking for either someone to support me or go in with me altogether.

Unfortunately, Kristen is a too old and fragile to be fit for military service, so I don’t think the second option is viable, although I hope she’s still open to the first one.

I also hope she forgives me for my dishonesty. It’s not like I don’t work in Finance, and it’s not like I don’t spend a decent amount of time in the gym, but I’m mostly working in Finance to put myself through college because even though I love the military, the enlisted pay is dogwater at best, especially if the Marine or Sailor is single.

BAH can make a huge difference, but I refuse to marry solely for BAH, rather I’d like to marry the girl or woman I love, for the sake of affirming my love for her, and making it easier to start a family.

I really haven’t been ready to get married or start a family, which I suppose is a huge consideration for older women, especially when they are also unmarried without children, but a majority of the women I date are younger than me.

Kristen is not the oldest woman I’ve dated, but she is certainly one of the smartest, classiest, and generally most inspiring women I’ve ever had the pleasure of sharing ice cream with.

[daquanshell]

The Business Model

One thing I love about being an independent agent is that I largely have a choice on how I do business, provided I am smart enough to take full advantage of my employer(s) compensation plan, adhering to compliance in marketing and advertising, and making enough money to both take care of myself and grow my business.

Currently, I feel as though I’m maximizing the last category, but there are opportunities to improve in the first two categories. So, the purpose of this post is increase my professional exposure, by becoming a little bit more transparent about the business model I use, my general approach, and the type of content you guys can expect on here.

Introduction Letters

I work on a personal introduction basis, usually opening with either a letter (like my last post) or a handshake and an exchange of business cards. This personal style of doing business makes it really to filter out who I’d like to do business with since it always boils down to me asking the following five questions:

Has anyone endorsed or nominated this entity?

Have I ever introduced myself to said entity?

Do I have enough information to write an introduction letter?

How should I deliver the letter?

How should I follow up?

As long as the answer to the second question is yes, I compose and deliver the introduction letter, once the letter is delivered, we move on to the first step.

Step 1: Gathering the Facts

The first step centers around gathering the facts and feelings about the person while laying the foundations of our relationship. During this step, the goal is to begin regularly meeting the person face-to-face, gather both the facts and their feeling regarding their financial situation, and obtain a nomination: the approval of the suspect from a trusted advisor.

Usually, a face-to-face meeting is a video call unless the prospect lives close enough to visit at some point throughout the week. Personally, I love in-person business meetings since you have the advantage of eating or drinking together, and I've learned to apply that to virtual meetings, and it's one of the reasons I still dress up and go to coffee shops or restaurants even if the meeting is not on-site.

Step 2: Completing the Financial Analysis

The second step, once enough information has been gathered, is to complete the financial analysis worksheet, and to complete a written report that contains multiple packaging options for the potential client. The goal of the report is to explain the advantages AND shortcomings of the different packaging options while offering the client a choice.

Think of the packaging like a starter Pokemon, where the different packaging options all have similar value, yet appeal to different personality traits.

For example:

Packaging A: $54,000 Whole Life Insurance

Packaging B: $25,000 Whole Life, $200,000 Term Life

Packaging C: $500,000 Term Life

All the options would have the same annual premium, yet vastly different payout amounts and requirements. The first option offers the lowest payout, but the payout is guaranteed. The second option offers a higher payout but only a smaller portion is guaranteed, and the third option offers the highest payout but neither the payout nor the premium rate is guaranteed, and its likely that the premium will increase over time, assuming the client wanted to maintain the same level of protection.

Step 3: Regular Face-to-Face Reviews

The final step is continuous, yet a little more nuanced. At it's core, the third step is just repeating the first two steps. There are a few different scenarios that we call "Automatics", or scenarios in which we automatically reach out to the client to schedule a meeting. Some examples are a birthday, anniversary, birth, death, graduation, in addition to inquiries and client requests.

What I love about this step is that its about more than just selling or presenting different products to the client, but it's all about deepening the relationship and serving not just the client, but the communities in which the client is a part of. This is what ties everything together.

Closing Statements

One of the hardest parts about launching a career in any industry is how easy it is to get distracted in the beginning, at a point where it's critical to build the persona required to sustain client builder activity.

The persona, is the key. In my opinion, the persona of a financial representative is that of a person who is groomed, well dressed, and chooses their words carefully.

With that, I feel that while this post is not enough on it's own to give a person a full picture of what I do, I don't think that's the point. I feel as though its enough to give a person an idea, which can be built upon (or deconstructed) as our relationship continues to develop.

[daquanshell]

Happy Birthday Mom 💖

I’ve already posted this across my main social media channels but I figure I’d post it here as well to start establishing a continuity.

From a professional standpoint, birthdays are really good business since they usually involve, celebrations (which improve the atmosphere) and photos (which are good content).

We didn't actually take any photos today since I already had a pretty crazy day, but thankfully my mom and I went out recently and we're able to get pretty good photos the last time we went out.

We are currently scheduled to go out this weekend, so hopefully we will get some good photos then as well.

[daquanshell]

The Start of a New Career

It’s been about two months since I started my tenure with the PHP Agency and a little over a month since I completed pre-licensing.

Unfortunately, due to bad timing and personal issues, I haven’t been able to schedule my licensing exam, and the material is slowly fading from my short term memory. I’ve been trying to avoid getting an extension, but if it takes too long to resolve these personal matters than it may be inevitable, but I’d like to explore other options before I go spending even more money on pre-licensing, since I feel I’ve already spent enough.

The inability to move forward with my career has really put a lot of pressure on me personally, since I feel both trapped in the amount of money I make and trapped emotionally; I have a psychological need to sell, and not being able to go out to the field is absolute torture.

A Marketing Genius

As a financial representative, I not only have complete control over whom I do business with but I have an excuse to talk to anyone. I have an excuse to get dressed and go out into society, take pictures, videos, write letters, publish books, articles, design products, posters, flyers, and really go all out on the creative aspects. I can’t just do it “for the sake of doing it”, I can’t just do it for the sake of art, or creation, or love, or anything other than the cold hard truth. I want the money, and the freedom that comes with it. I want the justifiable spending of marketing and advertising, the justifiable outreach to actors, models, talent, creators, men and women of all ages.

As a financial representative, I approach whom I want to approach. If I see a beautiful woman across the street and I think to myself “wow, I’d like to spend more time with her”, I immediately begin asking myself the following questions:

does she live around here?

what is her name?

how old is she?

what does she do for work?

how do I learn more about her?

how do I pique her interest?

how do I stay in touch with her?

From my understanding of society, a man approaching a woman with that line of questioning typically has a sexual or romantic connotation, which brings me to the root of the problem I have been having: I naturally have a romantic approach to marketing.

You Broke My Heart

It is heart breaking not having anything for sale. This is an important feeling to burn into my memory, as it marks the completion of a transformation and the start of a new chapter in my life.

Originally, my academic background was in Interactive Media Production, before studying Graphic Design. I’ve known I’ve wanted to go back to school for awhile now but I couldn’t decide what I wanted to study. While I had a marginally successful career in Marketing, my soul was still that of an artist. This became even more apparent in the military, when a majority of the work I did was as an artist. Despite doing so much work, with plenty of perks and praise, I felt something was missing, and I couldn’t exactly put my hand on it.

Towards the Future

So I’ve made a few decisions. Yes, I’ll stay with PHP long-term and figure it out. Yes, I’ll go back to school, this time for Marketing, at the very least until I get a Bachelor’s Degree. Yes, I’ll attend multiple schools to get the most out of my education. Yes, I’ll establish permanent residency in Maryland, Baltimore specifically, despite the dangers of living here. Yes, I’ll still play video games and watch movies with my family and do things that aren’t business sometimes. Yes, I’ll still draw, and write, and paint and take advantage of all the skills I’ve developed over the years.

Now I get why I’ve been stagnant professionally, since I’ve been trying to put business first. You really do have to prioritize your personal life. Hopefully I can get my personal life in enough order to consistently publish content, launch some products, and get back out there and start dating.

Maybe it’s the haircut, but I definitely feel as though I got my groove back. Maybe I should try my luck, assuming I can stick to the script!