#i listened to her albums back to back this whole year but also Yea these all make perfect sense | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

homosubtext · 2 years ago

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okay I’ve been meaning to ask you this for DAYS but now I’m here bother you AND ask this

since you seem like a fellow swiftie, are there any songs off Midnights that make you think of Sakusa, Atsumu, and/or SakuAtsu? Also what are some songs of hers in general you associate with them?

anywho I adore you, sprinkling love and kisses on your forehead 💖

my 13 years as a taylor swift fan has been prepping me for this. let’s GO

midnights

labryinth - (so far this is all i have to offer from this album cause listening to new music is overwhelming so i can only handle a few new songs at a time) this song reminds me of sakusa. the pain of realizing that you have feelings for someone and that they’re Big Feelings is so hard and i think sakusa is definitely one to be like “fuck bro not again this sucks” when he likes someone. especially since it was fucking atsumu that he fell in love with, poor omi can’t catch a break. the resignation from the beginning of the song with the line “i’ll be getting over you my whole life”. it’s as if he immediately writes it off as something that would be impossible. something that’s not for him. he doesn’t think he gets to have that, and definitely not with atsumu. so immediately he’s just like ‘okay so i guess i’ll spend the rest of my life trying to get over this loser’ without even thinking of what could be if he gave it a chance. the line “you know how much i hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back�� also just feels so sakusa to me. when things bother him, people brush it off and expect him to get over it quickly, never giving him time to process and recover from things. the line “you would break your back to make me break a smile” just screams sakuatsu because atsumu just wants to break through omis icy bitchy exterior to his icy bitchy interior <3

evermore

gold rush - oooooh man sakusa sakusa sakusa. “i don’t like anticipating my face in a red flush.” and “i don’t like that falling feels like flying till the bone crush” and “at dinner parties i call you out on your contrarian shit” is very much in character with him. the slight annoyance at blushing or being flustered around someone you like because oh my god how embarassing but also the fear of falling in love because it always feels so good until suddenly it doesn’t. onto the next, “cause it fades into the gray of my day old tea, cause it will never be” this line is similar to the part in labyrinth i mentioned. just the resignation here in accepting that this is a love that could never possibly happen

folklore

this is me trying - this song reminds me of sakusa a lot. I think he tries really hard and in relationships sometimes it may seem like he isn’t trying but he’s always giving his all.

mirrorball - i think this couples really well with ‘this is me trying’ but i think mirrorball is from atsumus pov. he doesn’t change himself for others but i think he thrives on attention and having focus on him. i think he struggles when it seems like sakusa doesn’t pay attention to him at first and I think it’s one of the first times in his life he considers changing who he is to try and get sakusa to like him. obviously he doesn’t change who he is and sakusa still ends up liking him anyway so it works out fine but yea

lover

daylight - this song makes me think of sakusa. the initial negative pessimistic outlook on love, life, people in general at the beginning contrasted with the end of the song where everything is bright and golden…… yea it’s giving sakuatsu <3

paper rings - i don’t have much to say about this one other than it makes me think of them and it’s fun and silly and i like that for them

afterglow - i think they have arguments bc they are both stubborn and assholes but i think they come together in the end to work things out

lover - the domesticity of this song just has a special place in my heart. the line “have i known you 20 seconds or 20 years” makes me think about how they met when they were kids at the training camps and then met again later in life when they both were on the same team, but things were different and they had grown up. “take me out and take me home” makes me think about how they would probably go out for little date nights but would ultimately go home together and spend time there too because sakusa is more of a homebody. the whole bridge of lover sounds like a speech that atsumu gives at the table when they have a dinner party with all their friends or something. like he just stands up and says all of that like it’s a wedding toast cause he’s over dramatic and loves kiyoomi so so much. the line “and at every table i’ll save you a seat” makes me think about how kiyoomi doesn’t like to be near other people so atsumu will save a seat next to him because he’s comfortable around him. also the “you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me” reminds me of them bc they’re both foul and rotten and i think it fits them

i think he knows - GOD this song is SO atsumu are you fucking kidding me. the DRAMA of the song and overreacting is so him. “wanna see what’s under that attitude” that is so so so atsumu @ kiyoomi are u fucking kidding me like he’s such a little shit about it too

reputation

gorgeous - the line “you should take it as a compliment that i got drunk and made fun of the way you talk” sakusa definitely got wasted and bullied atsumu for his accent. “you should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong” sakusa definitely blames atsumu for making him fall in love LMAO. the line “there’s nothing i hate more than what i can’t have” yea of course sakusa kiyoomi, a youngest sibling, would say some shit like that smh.

1989

you are in love - the way this song frames loves makes me think of them. the unspoken “i love you”s that can be felt even if it is left unsaid reminds me of their dynamic. the line “one night he wakes, strange look on his face, pauses, then says ‘you’re my best friend’” !!!!! this line is so important to me !!! growing up, atsumus best friend was always osamu cause obviously ya know but there comes a point where atsumu is like ‘holy shit i think you’re one of my best friends’ to sakusa and i just think it’s a weird realization for both of them because they both know how telling and meaningful that is.

debut

teardrops on my guitar - i just think atsumu is dramatic and he would listen to this song and think about sakusa while he’s pining LMAO

whew that was probably WAY more than you bargained for but i have So Many thoughts about them !!! i will never shut up !! but thank you for asking and i hope you enjoy reading my analyses <3

#i think i got most of them but i may have forgotten some oopsies #i wish there were more of her older songs that reminded me of them bc speak now and red are like…. my favorite albums but none of them #really scream sakuatsu to me ya know???#it’s also so funny that u ask bc i was literally writing essays in isa’s DMs earlier today about sakuatsu and labryinth 💀#anyway. thank u again for asking me this i have literally been thinking about this all day and working on it for hours #should i drop my sakuatsu spotify playlist 🤭 should i do it 🤭#reymbles #here’s the mail it never fails 💌#evie !!#evelyncwrites

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jayflrt · 2 years ago

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omg this is such a late reply but yea my grad photos turned out pretty nice! my parents even bought me a flower bouquet with some really nice flowers hehe

i listened to arson! i think i like his daydream mixtape more over the arson album but i love the sound he's using this time! i think my fav bside is equal sign omgomg its so good. im excited for their other solo projs too! and also omg hoseok in lollapalooza was so cool! that clip of his reaction to the audience singing back during daydream is circulating my feed and its just such a cute clip. ALSO TXT IN LOLLAPALOOZA <3333

enha arent coming to my city but if they were i would've considered going! im alr going to a couple so idk if i could afford going to see enha too but my friend is gonna travel out of the city to see them so i told her to cheer double for me haha

yass omg i loved the cheers mv svt leaders are so <3333 it was a fun mv to watch too and pongpong part is actually taking over the kpop community and i love it. also im going to see svt live soon so 😭

the plan was originally to go to some nearby islands but then we checked the prices and it was so expensive 💀 so my parents decided to just go on their own when i resume school again in sept lmao. but also i got quite a lot of uni prep to do so we also decided to do the family trip another time

the potteries are pre-made! we just did the painting portion it was so fun. i painted some frogs on mine they looked super cute after im so happy with it. my friends and i discussed that we should take classes to actually make pottery some day and i can make a cute little bowl or wtv is the most beginner item lol

my birthday is at the end of august! so like in abt a little over 2 weeks from when i send this haha omg im gonna become an adult this is so sad im old </3

also im keeping up with diamond league and omg the chaos. when i saw ynwon broke up i was like <////3 but seeing how downbad won is still for yn i have hope haha

ANYWAYS HOW HAVE YOU BEEEEEEEN omg did you also hear abt tbz + 127 cb soon? and jaehyun solo!!! and bp girlies are finally coming back after 2 years 😭 im probably missing some other upcoming cbs but july was so packed with them im kinda in a daze rn lol

-🌻

no worries 🌻 anon !! it’s always good to hear from you 🥰💗 also that’s so sweet of them :’) flowers on graduation is so touching like i don’t even like flowers but i was so happy when my parents got me some when i graduated 🤧

omg yes daydream was a cultural reset !! i still loveeee the hope world mixtape like baseline ?? hangsang ???? BLUE SIDE the whole artistry of that album was 💖💖 i do like that hobi switched up his vibe for this album it suits him rlly well !!! he’s so versatile 🫶🫶 omg equal side was my fav bside too :’)) and right ?? he’s such an amazing performer and rlly knows how to get a crowd excited !! when he said “u guys are fucking crazy” ahahahah😄 i rlly wanna see him perform one day omg 😭 TXT DID SO GOOD TOO i’m glad the crowd hyped them up so much

i don’t think i’m going either but we can fall back on tiktok and twitter to see what people upload 🥰 i’m so impressed they’re selling out HUGE arenas for their first ever world tour :o so so proud of them!!! 💘

HAHAH RIGHT hoshi literally blew them up over that (as he should!!) but i’m so sad they didn’t add it to the setlist for the tour :(( i thought they would since they added _world but ig not 🤧 but i still had an amazing time and loveddd everything about it and they’re just incredible performers 💝💝

omg your parents are vacationing without you ?? 😭 no way.. now it’s time to make your own extravagant plans without them just to spite them 🤭 but i feel you omg it’s hard to enjoy a vacation when there’s so much going on 🥲🥲 hope you get to go on your family vacation soon tho !!

FROGGY POT that’s so cute :’)) i’m glad you enjoyed it and hope you can paint some more sometime !! start an etsy business 🤩 omg your bday must be next week then right?? :o idk what day but i’ll try to wish you sometime next week then !! oh gosh welcome to adulthood it’s scary out here 😵‍💫 but yk you’re on the same boat as everyone else so we’re all suffering together

AHAHAH dw i can’t make a sad ending for this 🥲🥲 jungwon is way too down bad but .. y/n is too 😔 AHHH YES I HEARD OF BOTH COMEBACKS IM EXCITED !!!! jaehyuns solo teaser pictures dropped today omg have u seen them ?? he looks incredible 😭💖 i’ve honestly lowkey been experiencing svt tunnel vision but i think 127 comeback will have All my attention

#💌 : love notes #🌻 anon

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sweeethinny · 4 years ago

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Skin

Harry wanted to be able to show Ginny, through his eyes, how beautiful she is, and how all this insecurity with her body after giving birth to James is not necessary.

Since he cannot do this, he tries in other ways.

this fic is part of The Harry and Ginuary Extravanganza :) I'm sorry for any mistake

* all of this was written while I was listening to Mac Miller album The Divine Feminine, if anyone wants to get in the mood :)

read bellow the cut or in AO3 :)

Harry had been away from home for almost a month, which seemed more like a painful and torturous eternity than anything else. He missed Ginny and little James, it was much worse than the whole situation that he, Ron, and Theo got into, camping close to a pack of werewolves, and chasing a killer who seemed almost as good at hiding which even made them doubt their abilities as Aurors.

Harry was tired, with some bruises, hungry, missing his son who had not even turned a year yet and probably had grown a lot, and his wife. Harry wanted more than ever to hug Ginny and feel her against him.

He also really wanted to take a decent shower and lie on a bed that wasn’t a camp mattress, because Harry was no longer so young to be able to sleep in a bed like that.

It was worth it, he told himself when he could finally apparate to his home, in peace that he could be with his family again, Robards is looking to retire, he will end up choosing me . Harry didn't quite believe it, but Ginny repeated it a lot every time he complained about the boss; 'One day you will be the boss and you will not need to work like that.'

It was what he expected.

Since he had been a father, Harry was always trying to escape these suicide missions, but he was not always able, and he just hoped that when he was promoted, he would be able to spend more time at home. He never wanted so much to work with the Auror bureaucracy and leave the field.

He still enjoyed the excitement, the chase, the adrenaline, but he was no longer willing to risk his life so much.

In addition to Ginny, there was now someone else who encouraged him, even more, to return home alive.

When Harry opened the door, the smell of home entered his nostrils, a smell he never really stopped to notice, but after a month away, he managed to recognize it.

The hallway light on the second floor was on, probably for James to wake up. Harry took off his boots, cloak, and most of his clothes, and walked around the house, smiling for the first time in a month, seeing James's toys on the living room floor, and some scattered around the dining room, and a divine smell from the room that looked like a turkey, came from the kitchen. Hoping that Ginny was already asleep, as well as James since it was past one in the morning, Harry stopped for a snack.

He didn't even bother to heat the food, eating as if he hadn't seen food for more than days, devouring the deliciously seasoned turkey leg, and alternating with the remaining farofa and baked potatoes. It was a little rude and disgusting, he knew, but Harry felt his stomach echo with hunger, forcing him to forget the etiquette.

After less than ten minutes, he was fed, tiptoeing up to the second floor, James's bedroom door was open, as usual, and Harry couldn't help wanting to see his son and entered the room, taking be careful not to wake him up, seeing him resting deeply in bed, wearing adorable dinosaur pajamas, which put him on completely and prevented him from being cold at night. He looked bigger, Harry noticed, and with more hair, he wanted to hold his son in his arms, hug him but was content to just kiss his slightly sweaty forehead. Harry checked that the window was locked, closed the curtains tightly, covered his son, and left the room.

A part of him was satisfied, James was safe, well, and tomorrow would probably jump on Harry as soon as he realized his father was back. James always went to their bed in the morning, just asked to sleep with them and slept for a few more hours, but whenever Harry spent a few days outside, the next morning when the little one realized that his father was back, it was as if sleep disappeared.

After a month away from James' warm hugs during the mornings when they slept together, Harry was not complaining.

But he was not yet complete, not when he had not yet seen Ginny.

She was probably asleep, he thought, it was late and the days must have been tiring now that she was back to training, and without him at home to help with James, things should have been going smoothly. But the light in their room was on, which Harry found strange.

Still trying not to make any noise, because maybe she just fell asleep without even realizing it, Harry approached, opening the door a little more and sticking his head into their room, looking around.

Harry had already seen Ginny in many ways, they had a son together, however, he was not prepared for that.

She was standing in front of her dressing table, evaluating herself in front of the mirror on the wall, taking small turns to try to see her back, and then turning and facing the mirror. Ginny did not seem to feel the cold that Harry was feeling, since she wore one of the smallest lingerie he had ever seen, still seeming to assess whether the piece was beautiful or not.

The light blue lace made her look even more beautiful, contrasting with the freckles that spread over her skin and the light tan she was getting now that she was back in training. The bra barely hid her nipples, temptingly drawing her breasts, and not having the same common cut as the others she wore, and instead, this one had a few more buttons and went down to the beginning of her ribs, already in translucent fabric. The lace itself was only on the straps and the front of the breasts, descending in a V to the middle of the other fabric, something that made it look even more beautiful.

Ginny kept her hands in front of her belly, the same way she did a month ago when they were going to have sex, or she ended up undressing next to him, and automatically hid her belly. Harry would always comment that she didn't need to hide from him, but Ginny insisted that she still didn't feel safe with her body.

‘Pregnancy changed me,’ She always said. 'You don't know what it's like to see your body change dramatically in a matter of months... Now I have stretch marks where I never thought I would.'

Harry thought it was silly, Ginny was beautiful anyway, and he was still a fool in love, with or without stretch marks.

The panties also had that translucent fabric with a light blue background, it was one of those that had a high waistband and that he knew Ginny preferred to wear recently, but this one he could still see her belly, and the lace only appeared again from the front, covering only what was necessary, while at the back, it was just a small piece of the other fabric, not making much of a point of hiding anything from it, which made Harry salivate.

His imagination would never live up to the perfection that she was, how beautiful her ass made him a little too obsessed, or how her breasts had also changed after pregnancy, and all of James's breastfeeding.

'Hmmm… maybe?' He heard her murmur to the reflection, again turning around in a way that she could still look at her back, running her hands behind her thighs as if she wanted to lift her ass a little further. What Harry thought was unnecessary.

'I thought it was more than perfect.' He finally manifested himself, leaning on the doorframe and feeling his erection grow and cause that pressure against his pants.

Ginny jumped up and pulled her robe in front of her, startled and looking at him with wide eyes, pink cheeks and looking like she had managed to hold back the scream in time. ‘Harry!’

'Yea, it's me.’ He smiled.

'Harry .' Ginny finally seemed to realize it was him there, after a month, and dropped the robe back, running towards him and throwing herself at him in much the same way as the sunny days of 1996, but this time, he picked her up and kissed her with much more hunger and passion than he did at the age of 16, carefully closing the door behind them and taking her to bed, numb with longing and lust.

It was so good to kiss her again, to get lost in the warmth and softness of her lips, her small, slightly callused hands touching him as if to make sure it was him there, going from hair to shoulders, to cheeks, chest. It was as if she also checked that he was okay, whole, without any damage.

'I missed you so much,' he murmured between her kiss, falling on the bed with Ginny on top of him, his hands roaming everywhere he reached, feeling entirely at peace.

'I thought it would take you longer.' She cried, holding his face in her hands and parting their lips so they could look at each other. The brown eyes that Harry thought about daily were staring at him as if they hadn't seen him in years, shining on the sides as if Ginny tried to hold on to her emotions, struggling to hold herself in front of him.

Harry recognized the effort, but he didn't think it was necessary. It was just the two of them there, Ginny didn't have to hide.

He ran his thumb over her cheek, wiping away the one tear that ran. 'I was so scared,' she whispered, like a secret she had been keeping for days.

'Me too,' Harry admitted, failing to divert his attention from her caramel eyes. 'I just wanted to go back to home and be with you.'

'James missed you, he wasn't so happy and today was the first day he agreed to sleep in his bed.' Ginny smiled and lifted her shoulders, her cheeks turning slightly pink. 'Maybe he knew that Daddy would be back.'

'I'm glad he predicted that I would come back,' Harry let his eyes roam over her body, and now more closely he was able to see how the bra fabric barely made an effort to cover her skin. It was too much of a temptation to bear, and Harry barely contained himself before touching them, feeling heaviness in his hands and the heat radiating through the lace, making his stomach drop and his mouth water. Harry had missed it so much.

'You liked it? I went out with the girls after a workout, and Genevieve made me buy it, but I still don't know if it looked good.' Ginny said, her voice a little shaky as if she were that 11-year-old girl who couldn't look at him without blushing, which made him look up from those breasts he was in love with, and look at her. Ginny was really blushing, the red that covered her cheeks was also running down her neck and bust. ‘The bra doesn’t have much support and I don’t know if it looked so beautiful, I mean, it’s a beautiful piece, but I don’t think it looked beautiful on me .’

'Ginny,' Harry interrupted, holding her chin, forcing her to look at him, the other hand coming down her side and holding her in place, already sensing that she was trying to extricate herself from him. ‘You look hot,’ he said. ‘I’m feeling like a teenager, about to come in my pants.’

She laughed, that laugh he loved to hear. 'I would be really upset if even after all this time it was still happening.'

'I have learned to hold on,' He smiled, still caressing her cheek, smiling lovingly at Ginny. 'You and beautiful. In all moments.'

'Even when I was all sweaty, giving birth to James?' Ginny asked, laughing sheepishly as she laced her fingers through his, her auburn hair falling like lava on either side of her face.

'Of course.' Harry didn't take his eyes off hers, wanting her to understand that he was being more than real there. He wanted her to be seen through his eyes, and then she would understand how beautiful she is. 'I think I came to love you even more, if that is possible, that day.'

'Awn Harry, don't be so dramatic, you spend only a month away and when you come back you are declaring yourself as a passionate poet.' She laughed, but he did not fail to notice how Ginny's cheeks got even more flushed and she turned her attention to the wall behind the headboard, as if she tried not to let him realize that it affected her.

'I really missed you, that's why.' Harry shrugged, caressing her cheek and bringing her amber eyes back down to his, laying her head against his hand. 'I hate to be away from you for a long time... my romantic mind comes up and I have a lot of time to think about how to declare myself to you.'

'I hate it too when you stay away,' Ginny smiled, allowing him to see her without all those walls she put up for protection.

'Did something happen while I was gone?' He stared at her, noticing how her shoulders tensed and then relaxed when Ginny sighed and lay on his chest, hugging him as she could, as she usually liked to do during the cold nights.

'Nothing too urgent...'

'Ginny…' Harry whispered, running his hands down her back, feeling the skin prickle.

'Rita made a very pertinent comment about me.' Harry felt her tense under his arms again, and kept silent waiting for Ginny to continue talking. Somehow they got a picture of me training only in a crop top, and apparently I should wear t-shirts like the other girls... something to do with my belly and stretch marks.. ' She sighed.

Harry wanted to go to the Prophet and shout some truths that had been stuck for years, in Rita's face. But he just preferred to tighten his grip around Ginny, and kiss the top of her head.

'You look beautiful in any outfit.' He said, trying to be as clear as possible. 'Rita and everyone else are just assholes who are too self-centered to look at their navel for a minute... You are the hottest woman, Ginny, and I don't say that just because we are married.'

'My body has changed a lot in the last year.' She lifted her face, resting her chin on his chest and looking at him, her brown eyes flashed. 'I don't think I'll ever have that body again and-'

'-And you are still beautiful.' The two faced each other. 'You gave birth to a child, Gin, this is incredible. Your body being able to do that is incredible. I will never get tired of saying that. ’Harry smiled. 'I wanted you to see yourself through my eyes, and see how beautiful you are, even with all those things that you insist on saying are defects and that you hate them.'

'Don't make me cry,' She sat on his lap again, fanning her eyes and looking up at the ceiling, her cheeks flushed and a lovely smile on her face, Harry couldn't help but laugh too, feeling incredibly lighter than hours ago, as if now all that tension had been reduced to dust and there was only peace left in his chest.

'About this lingerie... do you have any plans, or are you just experimenting...?' He went back to browsing Ginny's sculptural body, almost drooling over how her breasts looked in that piece, and the transparency of her panties, which ended up exactly where it started getting more interesting. Harry groaned when she moved and stood on top of his cock, closing his eyes with the sensation of the gods it caused.

'I would surprise you when you came back, I thought it would take another week, then I would buy some candles, and cut my hair... But you ruined my plans.' Ginny smiled, biting her bottom lip as if she knew it was driving him crazy. ‘I believe you want to take a shower?’

'I might want some company,' Harry said, holding Ginny firmly in his lap, getting up from the bed and listening to her scream in fright as he walked to the bathroom in their suite, no longer feeling the fatigue from before. 'You know how needy I am after returning from missions.’

'It's a valid request.' Ginny hugged his neck, hands clinging to his hair, as if he were the life jacket that prevented her from sinking. He felt that way about her too. 'I missed having someone in the bath with me… Someone who doesn't want to mess up the bathroom with water and foam.' Harry laughed, placing her sitting on the white marble countertop, watching her body shiver as she made contact with the cold stone, waving with the wand for the hot water to start filling the bathtub.

'I might want to make a bit of a mess,' he said, approaching and feeling her warm breath against his face, before Harry narrowed the distance and kissed her, hungry but still keeping control, leaving his hands on her thighs, keeping them far enough away for him to stay in the middle.

'I like this mess,' Ginny whispered, her eyes closed and her forehead against his, breathing hard, the sound of water being the only one to fill the room. 'I am happy that you came back. I missed you a lot.’

Harry nodded, closing his eyes to make sure it wasn't just a dream, opening them again then just to see Ginny there. 'I felt it too. I am miserable without you.’

[...]

Harry woke up much later with small hands pulling the blanket off them, and the unfortunate murmurs of a child who tried his best to climb up on the bed. He sighed, feeling happy to get back to that routine, but he didn't move, wanting James to find out for himself that Harry had come back. It was a good time.

One more sigh from a boy who seemed very irritated by his young age, and then he finally succeeded, almost removing all the cover from Ginny, crawling up a little sleepily, still holding that light yellow cloth he always carried, and scratching his eyes.

The sun hadn't even risen, leaving the room in that gloom of the few hours before finally dawn, but Harry could see when James opened his brown eyes and threw himself on top of him.

‘Daddy!’ James shouted, hugging his father as he managed, cold hands making the man shiver.

'Hi my love,' Harry murmured, happy, tired, and a little too sentimental, feeling his eyes prickle. 'Speak low, it is still very early and mummy is sleeping.' He put James under the covers, stroking his son's slightly sweaty head, kissing the boy's forehead. 'We are going to sleep some more, okay? The sun hasn't even appeared yet.’

'Daddy…' James murmured, and Harry waited to see what meaningless phrase his son would try to murmur now, but the boy just kept his icy hands touching his father's face, as if to make sure he was really there.

He could not wait to be able to do fewer and fewer missions that required him to stay away from home for a long time.

'Sleep honey, daddy is here,' Harry assured him, snuggling the boy into his embrace, feeling finally complete, watching Ginny turn towards them, sleeping soundly, and then James, who was preparing for it, little hands clutched the shirt that Harry was wearing, as if it were his cloth.

Harry felt like the happiest man in the world.

#hinny #harry x ginny #Harry and Ginuary #fluff moment #Harry Potter #Ginny Weasley #James Sirius Potter

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gunterfan1992 · 4 years ago

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Interview with Half Shy (the songwriter of “Monster”)

For the last few months, I’ve been collecting information for a second edition of Exploring the Land of Ooo that will also cover the production of Distant Lands. This means that I’ve started to look into the new songs that we have been graced with this year, and this of course includes “Monster,” the beautiful track from the masterpiece that is “Obsidian”. And so I reached out to the song’s writer, Half Shy, who was kind enough to chat with me via email about the songwriting process!

(Photo courtesy of Half Shy)

In many ways, Half Shy is living the creative Adventure Time fan’s dream: She got asked by Adam Muto himself to write a song for “Obsidian” after he heard her music through Bandcamp! (I’ve dabbled in fan music before, and the fact that someone from the show might listen to it just blows my mind.) What an opportunity; I am so excited for her!

Since a second edition of my book won’t be coming out until after all the Distant Lands episodes air, I thought it would be best to share my Half Shy interview now. Read on for the fascinating behind the scenes story of how Half Shy and “Monster” came to be..

GunterFan: What is your origin story? How did you get involved in music, and how did the Half Shy project come to be?

Half Shy: I’ve been making music pretty quietly since I was in high school with a keyboard and guitar. I played one or two shows a year after college when I could find a friend or my brother to get up on stage with me, but I don’t really have that performer gene in me naturally. I get too much in my head and forget what the lyrics are to the song I wrote, or what the next chord is. Total brain freeze. So that whole experience is a bit of a mental drain. It’s something I think I’d like to dig into and figure out, but right now I’m really enjoying the time writing.

Even playing a song for my friends I still get pretty nervous. That’s where the name Half Shy comes from. I’ve always been interested in making things that by their nature draw a bit of a spotlight, but at the same time, I am just really quite nervous about the attention.

I recorded my first songs under my old name Hey V Kay in my bedroom and started putting them up online one at a time. When I got enough I thought about packaging it up into an album, but then got really distracted by learning how to fix up motorcycles and going to automotive tech school. When I eventually got back around to it I named the album Gut Wrenching.

After a few years I realized that I didn’t want the day-in-day-out life of a mechanic, I just wanted to know how to fix cars for myself and to have that knowledge in my back pocket. I got back into making music but grew frustrated at the process of writing and recording songs. I felt like I wasn’t able to capture the ideas I had in my head. Like trying to draw on your computer with a mouse. Doable, but it’s not going to come out like you’d hoped.

So these last couple of years I’ve focused more on learning the technical aspect of it, from the initial ideas and lyrics, to the recording and mixing. During that process I put out Bedroom Visionaries, and while writing I happened upon the name Half Shy in an old Thesaurus which felt instantly right. Learning all of that has been fun, I even went as far as to create my own book to solidify a daily writing routine (lyricworkbook.com). All that has been a bit of a tangent from actually making much music though. I should be getting my books in December from the press so I’m really looking forward to getting back into making more music instead of dealing with printing presses, setting up websites, and sourcing ribbon suppliers.

GF: What is the story behind "Monster"? How did the show get in contact with you?

HS: I keep a log of “Song Starters” with neat things I’ve heard in the world, and I would look through it every now and then and notice just how many came from Adventure Time. Eventually I thought well, I have to make a song about this show that just keeps breaking my heart. It was around the time I was nearly done with the first [Adventure Time-inspired] song “In My Element” that I got an email from Bandcamp saying “someone bought your album (Bedroom Visionaries).”

I get maybe one or two of these a month at most so I love to go in and say hi to the person and say thanks, be curious about who they are, [and] what they’re all about. Turns out it was Adam Muto, the executive producer of the show. (I asked and he has no idea how he happened upon my stuff. He guessed that I must have tagged something #adventuretime and he just happened to see it.) So I sent him an email saying, “Hey wow thanks for checking out my tunes. Also... holy crap you’ve made the best show I have ever seen in my life.” [I] played it real cool like. After finishing up writing my second [Adventure Time-inspired] song “Betty” I couldn’t help but fangirl real hard [and I sent him another message saying], “I’m sorry this is probably awkward, but I really love your show and I wrote these songs about it.” He was incredibly kind and shared them with his Twitter Universe, and a while after that I got a random email from him saying basically, “Hey, I’m working on this thing I can’t talk about, would you be interested?” I was like… well you know I’m pretty busy working at a sign shop so I’m gonna have to pass on this once in a lifetime opportunity (J/K. Obviously I fan-girl squealed and said yes immediately).

We chatted a bit about what the project was going to be and the direction. He mentioned there [would be] two Marceline songs in the special, [and he asked if I] would I be interested in giving the love song a try? Trying real hard to suppress my instant imposter syndrome I was like, “Yea, totally I’d be into giving that a shot!” So I read through the story and loved the idea of the dragon mirrored in Marceline, thinking through how they’ve both built up a protective shell, how she grew tough for a reason, but now she can open up and be vulnerable with PB.

From there I wrote the initial demo with the first two verses mostly intact and we went back and forth a few times editing it down into the final version. I recorded the final parts for the show in my little home studio in Seattle.

GS: When you were writing the song, what emotions, thoughts, or ideas were you channeling? Was there any sort of memory of event that you were trying to artistically "catch" or "recreate" with the lyrics or music?

HS: As far as channeling an emotion, generally I’d say just the experience of existing as a human. It can be so hard to open up and be vulnerable. I can remember that feeling even as a young kid—getting really excited about something and having someone completely trash it or look at you like, “Why are you so interested in that? It’s dumb.” [It causes us to grow] a little more weary to share ourselves because we know that hurt and embarrassment. The pain of being misunderstood is something I think a lot of us can relate to. Then having to decide whether to keep sharing those vulnerable parts of yourself or think, “They’re just not going to get it, I’m going to get hurt, so why bother?” and then stop putting yourself out there. You lose a lot with that thick armor though. You might feel protected, but you’re not feeling a whole lot of anything else other than the weight and chafing of it (I had a whole lot of armor-related metaphors that I didn't end up using.).

I struggle with this in songwriting too. I’m not the bolt-of-lightning type. There are pages and pages of cliches, total garbage, bad jokes, and cheesy lines that I have to get through in order to get to something that I am excited to put out there into the world: “Here I did this thing, I know it’s a little (this or that), but I made it... What do you think?” It’s hard to open yourself up to hearing the other end of that question.

I filled about 5 little pocket notebooks just thinking through the story, ideas, and trying to get this song right. I wanted it to feel familiar and honor the past songs of the show ([e.g.,] using the ukulele and referencing a few of the familiar chords from “I’m Just Your Problem”) but also be pretty open and vulnerable and different for [Marceline]. [I wanted to] show that she’s going through some tough emotions but also figuring herself out and growing.

GF: I feel like “Monster” is, at its core, an ode to the “Bubbline” ship. How do you feel about your song being intimately connected to one of the most famous LGBTQ+ relationships in animation? Do you have any general thoughts on Marcy and PB, Bubbline, etc.?

HS: Oh, I’m a total fan girl of Bubbline. The whole story of how Rebecca Sugar and Muto slowly morphed it into this deeper relationship is just great. As a part of the LGBTQ community myself it really means so much to see the representation of characters like yourself portrayed in an intelligent way. Growing up I was too young to fully understand what was going on but I saw Ellen getting cancelled, and [I] heard people around me saying they’d never watch her show again after she came out. That stuff sinks in as a kid and so to have these characters who are not only intelligent, but funny, complex, and unapologetically strong who also happen to be queer is really great. I love that the story here isn’t about their orientation, but that they’re people struggling with how to be open and vulnerable in a relationship.

It feels like something sci-fi and animated shows do so well—to show that ridiculousness of limiting who a person should and shouldn’t love. Marceline is a 1000+ year old half-demon/vampire and PB was born from the Mothergum of an apocalyptic radioactive world, but you’re going to get hung up on them loving each other? It sort of brings it into perspective in a really interesting way.

GF: Do you have any other thoughts about the experience that you'd like to share?

HS: Just how lucky, thankful, and honored I feel to be a part of my favorite show, writing a song for one of my favorite characters. It’s also incredibly cool how the people on the show are so willing to connect and collaborate with their fandom. Everyone [on the production crew] was very open and a real joy to work with.

I’d like to give a huge “Thank you!” to Half Shy for agreeing to participate in this interview; she really was quite amiable! If you’d like to hear more of her music, check out her website and her Bandcamp. You can also follow her on Instragram here and on Twitter here. And of course, here is Half Shy’s awesome video of “Monster”.

#adventure time #atimers #adventure time distant lands #atdl #half shy #monster #bubbline #marceline #marceline the vampire queen #bubblegum #princess bubblegum #pb #adam muto #interview

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horansqueen · 5 years ago

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You & Me : chapter 20

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k-4.4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: im getting less and less comments and note for this story so i hope people still enjoy it?

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : please keep sending requests! i added a few in this chapter :)

Chapter 20 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I felt so bad for the way I treated him. He was right, I couldn't toy with him, pulling him close to me and then pushing him away, and the inside of my brain was a mess I couldn't seem to clean. My heart screamed “Niall!”, of course it did. It screamed his name so loud it resonated until the tip of my fingers, down to my toes and even at the root of my hair. My whole body throbbed with his name, telling me it was alive only when Niall was near because that's what was meant to be. Me and Niall. Niall and I. It sounded so obvious. But something in the pit of my stomach, like some sort of storm, seemed to make everything a lot harder, like this love and happiness was out of reach. It was fear, I knew it, but wasn't my fear justified?

That being said, I had been doubting my marriage ever since I saw Niall again but it was the first time I admitted it out loud. It was the first time I seriously thought about breaking up with Dylan and it made me nauseous. I didn't want to think about it even if I knew I'd have to sort all of this out soon, but when Niall kissed me again, I decided to focus on him and only him.

He took a step my way, forcing me to lean against the fridge and I chuckled against his mouth. It was electric when we were together, and the closer we got, the more we seemed to be pulled towards each other. I couldn't explain how much I loved it. His lips moved away from mine and he stared in my eyes for a few seconds before taking a step back.

"Give me 5 minutes okay? 5!" he just said, moving back and showing me the palm of his hand.

I smiled more and nodded as he disappeared in the hall before I walked back quickly to the table and grabbed my glass of wine, emptying it quickly. I didn't know why I was so nervous, perhaps because the first time was unplanned and for some reason, I felt like it was different on that night.

He came back and my lips curled immediately at his sight. I knew it was pathetic but at that point I didn't give a fuck. He held his hand out and I chuckled again, putting my palm against his and felt a shiver run up my spine when his fingers wrapped around mine. I followed him to his bedroom and my lips parted when I saw a few candles around the room. I turned to him and my eyebrows raised.

"You're gonna set the whole house on fire." I just said, making him grimace as I shook my head slightly.

"Is that really the only thing you can say?" he chuckled a bit, making me smile more. "Don't worry, I'll be cautious."

He sat on the bed and patted the place next to him. It took me a few seconds but I finally sat with him, turning slightly his way as he did the same. He grabbed my hands in his and looked down at them as he ran his thumbs on my skin, making me bite my lip. He was so perfect.

"I don't know if you've listened to my album again ever since you found out it was about you." he started, looking up in my eyes. "But there's a song on it that I wrote the very first night we weren't together. The night I... broke up with you. The night I broke your heart." His fingers squeezed my hands again. "That was the state of mind I was in on that day. It was exactly how I felt, and it's only when I heard about your marriage that I realized that just because I expected that to happen didn't mean you expected it too. I mean, I really thought you knew it was about you but expecting you to wait for me... it was ridiculous."

I glanced at the guitar on his bed and let go of his hand to bring it to him. He grabbed it and sighed, letting his fingers run on the strings and just nodded. He placed it on his laps and when he started singing, I held my breath, trying to stop any tears from falling.

"I've got a young heart And it's wild and free I don't know where it starts But it ends with you and me It's a hard road As far as I can see I don't know where I'm going But I'll get back to you and me

'Cause we're two kids Trying to start a fight No matter where we go Yeah, we'll be alright All I'm asking for A bit of patience, please 'Cause I know what's to come And it's coming for you and me"

Of course I knew that song. When I thought it was for Heidi, I had cried myself to sleep. It had hurt me almost as much as when he broke up with me. Now that I knew it was about me, I just wanted to let the words and the music invade me.

"Time's never been on our side So would you wait for me? I lead a selfish life 'Cause that's what I need What do I have to do To make you believe? It's all for you and me

From a distance I can hear you cry But don't you worry, darlin' Don't lose sleep tonight I can promise it I can guarantee That at the end of the road I see you with me"

I let my eyes roam on him, from his hands up to his face, the small movements of his lips as he sang, the slow ones of his head shaking... his eyes never left me except when they'd close for a few seconds and I swallowed hard, holding the sobs in.

"Time's never been on our side So would you wait for me? I lead a selfish life 'Cause that's what I need What do I have to do To make you believe? It's all for you and me

When I look down the line At the man I wanna be I've always known from the start That it ends with you and me"

I didn't realize I was crying but he brought one of his hands closer and wiped the tears from both my cheeks gently. I wanted to kiss him or tell him that I loved him but I felt paralyzed. It should have confused me even more but it made things so much clearer and I pressed my lips together harder.

"I'm so sorry I took you for granted and just assumed you'd come back to me whenever I'd snap my fingers." he apologized in a low tone. "I was young and stupid. I know it hasn't been decades but, you have no idea how much I learned in the year without you."

He finally put his guitar away and I closed my eyes until I felt him grab my hands again. I answered his squeeze and when he said my name in a very low tone, my eyes fluttered open. I sniffed and stared at him before my lips parted.

"What about now, Niall?" I almost whispered. "Are you ready to settle, or will you realize in a few months that you have a lot more to live and that you'd rather be single?"

Maybe I should feel guilty for my question but I felt like it was legit. He moved slightly closer and kissed my lips softly, making my heart jump in my chest.

"I know what I want. It's you. It's always been you." he murmured against my lips. "I thought I wanted freedom but I'm only really free when I'm with you, Olivia."

I brushed my parted lips against his and brought my hands to his hair, running my fingers in it as I felt my heartbeats accelerate. I wanted to believe him and to some extent, I did, but that didn't push the fear away completely. There was this little voice in my head that told me I shouldn't trust him and that voice probably came from the scars on my heart.

"You think you can make love to me?" I breathed out, making his lips curl.

"That was the plan."

He kissed me gently and I realized how hard it was to take my time but just like when we fucked, I let him take the lead. He moved over me, making me lay down on his bed as I closed my eyes. One of his hands traveled on my shirt, his fingers brushing slowly on my breasts and I tried to stop the whimper that wanted to come out of my lips. I moved my knees up to trap him between my thighs and we just kissed slowly but deeply until I took his tongue between my lips and sucked on it. He groaned and I reached for the back of his shirt, pulling it over his head and letting it fall on the floor next to the bed. I let my hands run on his naked back, down to the small of it and reaching his ass.

After only a few seconds, he moved up on his knees and I sat up, taking my shirt off quickly and reached for his belt. He waited until I had also unzipped his pants and finally lied back on me, attaching his lips with mine again as I pushed his jeans as down as I could. I felt his mouth reach my neck and he left small kisses on my skin, along with a burning trace and the whole thing excited me even more. With his fingers, he moved the straps of my bra down, quickly reaching for my shoulders with his lips. I was impatient but I tried not to squirm as he slithered his arms around me, trying a few times before finally unclasping my bra. I smiled as he took it off and threw it away and I raised my eyebrows with a smile.

"Hey, watch out for the candles." I joked, making him raise his nose up.

"Shut up."

His mouth found mine again and without thinking, I pushed his boxers down until it reached his pants. He held himself on the side with one arm just to pull his jeans completely down and finally took them off as I worked on mine. I should have let him undress me but I was always so impatient when I was with him that I couldn't help it. He pulled on them to take them off and I chuckled at our struggle, making him smile too. Once again, he moved back over me and pressed his lips softly on mine.

"There's no rush, yea?"

I nodded as I looked in his eyes.

"No rush." I repeated with a fond smile, making him nod too.

His lips brushed on my jaw and down to my neck, taking their time to go down to my chest and end on one of my breasts. I closed my eyes and brought one of my hands in his hair as his tongue moved on my nipple for a while before reaching the other one. I could feel my inner thighs throb harder the more he moved and when his lips reached my stomach, I had to make a huge effort not to suck it in. He kissed my belly, his lips stopping at my navel, before moving to my thighs. I thought he'd go between my legs but instead, his mouth traveled to one of my knees and I held my breath.

"Mm, Niall."

He didn't answer my plea, he just ran his mouth back on the inside of my thigh, moving past my pussy and reaching my other thigh.

"Oh my god." I whispered, my grip tightening in his hair. "Niall, please."

I heard him chuckle and he pushed himself farther on the bed, wrapping his arms around my thighs before his lips finally reached between my legs, leaving a small kiss near my clit. I shut my eyes tighter and tried to focus on what he was doing without moving but it was not easy. Gently, he tilted his head and took one of my lips in his mouth and sucked on it gently before doing it with the other. I was not sure if he was trying to make this last or if he just wanted to tease me but it was driving me crazy. When his lips finally wrapped around my clit, my whole body felt on fire and I tensed, letting out a short curse word. He sucked on it gently for a while before I felt the tip of his tongue flick on it and press in it, making the throbbings in my whole body intensify. He slipped his tongue inside me before taking it out and it reached my asshole for a few seconds before I trapped his face between my thighs despite myself. He pushed them away with a chuckle and I kept my feet flat on the bed, trying not to grind on his face. When I opened my eyes to look down at what he was doing, the simple sight of him between my legs brought me close to an orgasm.

"Niall please kiss me." I begged him in a whisper, pulling on his hair a bit harder than intended.

He didn't say anything and moved up, his lips reaching mine quickly before he kissed me deeply, and my eyes rolled back slightly when I felt the tip of his cock press between my legs.

"I love you so much." he whispered against my mouth as he pushed his hips against mine so slowly it was almost torture. I felt the tip of his cock slip inside me and I ran my lips on his, grabbing his upper one and sucking on it. "More than anything." he muttered.

"I love you more than anything too, Niall. You're everything to me." I admitted with an other whimper when he pushed himself deeper inside me. "You feel so good."

When he was completely inside me, he stopped moving and I closed my eyes, seeing the flames of the candles moving behind my eyelids. I couldn't believe he had set something like that up for me. Just for me. It made me feel special and I wrapped my arms around his neck when he kissed me again. He started moving in and out of me very slowly and every time he was buried deep inside me, I could feel my pussy throb around his dick. It was driving me crazy but the fact that he was going slowly made me feel every inch of him, every little sensation, every twitch of his cock. It gave me time to focus on the way he smelled, the sounds he made and the way he nibbled on my bottom lip.

"I'm so close." he whispered near my ear, making me shiver.

I turned my head to find his lips and kissed him again. "Me too." Once again, I trapped him between my thighs and reached for the headboard with one of my hands, holding myself there as I pushed my hips in motion with his. My eyes rolled back and my back arched as an orgasm reached me. He was maintaining himself with his arms next to my head and his fingers slipped in my hair, grabbing it for balance as he pushed himself deeper inside me, letting out low moans as he came.

"I'm in love with you." he whispered mid-orgasm and I smiled, licking my lips.

"I'm in love with you too, you're the love of my life."

When we both came down from our highs, he kissed me again and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I don't know how long we stayed like that, just making out, but I enjoyed it and I never wanted this to end. Because it would mean going back to reality, wouldn't it?

"Told you I'd make love to you." he pointed out in a soft voice, moving away to look in my eyes.

"Mmhm, and that really reached my expectations." I confessed, making him chuckle.

"You hungry?"

I nodded and when he peeled his body away from mine, I felt empty. I grabbed his shirt from the floor and put it on before smiling and bending down to grab my panties. I bit my bottom lip as I thought for a few seconds and finally turned to him as he was pulling his boxers up.

"For your collection." I just said with a chuckle, handing them to him.

He looked in my eyes, then glanced at them and then back in my eyes before grabbing them and sitting back on the bed next to me.

"I want my collection of panties to be only made of your panties." he let out, looking straight in my eyes. "I want them in a drawer in our room. Next to our bed. While you're sleeping next to me. That's the collection I want, Olivia."

I felt myself tear up again and swallowed but he just moved closer and pecked my lips gently before getting up and reaching the door.

"I'll heat our food and bring the wine. You can wait for me in the living room."

I felt more tears fall on my cheeks after he left but quickly wiped them off my cheeks. He had turned something extremely sexual into something romantic and for some reason, it touched me. I thought about living with him, having my own drawers in his bedroom or more our bedroom and the whole fantasy was perfect. I don't know how long it took me to get up and walk out of the room but when I reached the living room, he was already sitting on the couch, his feet on the side of the coffee table.

I sat with him in silence as we ate and watched a movie but I couldn't help and glance at him from time to time. He noticed after a while and his lips curled.

"I see you looking at me."

"Probably because you're looking at me, too." I joked with a short laugh.

"Guilty."

We went silent for a few more minutes and I glanced at the door with a frown.

"Those boxes are Heidi's?" I just asked as he glanced near the door too.

"Yea, they're supposed to pick them up tomorrow and send them to her." he explained with a shrug. "Can't wait."

"What would she say if she saw us right now?" I asked, turning back to the tv.

"Who cares." he laughed. "I sure don't."

I turned to him and tilted my head, watching his profile as his eyes were glued to the tv. I felt something stir in my chest, as if my heart was swelling, and my eyes fluttered for a few seconds. I couldn't believe I was sitting on Niall's couch, close to him as he was just in his boxers. I couldn't believe I was there with him, wearing his shirt. I had the chance to be with him. A second chance. And fuck, I wanted to jump on that chance so bad.

---

I stared at myself in the mirror and grimaced, turning my body on the side as I extended my neck, trying to see what it looked like from behind.

"Are you sure about that dress?" Eleanor asked, raising her eyebrows as I let out a low grunt.

I was not sure about that dress. I was not sure about that marriage. I was not sure about anything anymore. Of course, I couldn't just cancel the wedding dress shopping because of my doubts. Everyone would either say it was cold feet or worse, they'd end up asking a bunch of questions I couldn't answer yet, not even to myself. I felt a bit stuck and decided to go find a dress anyway, or at least, try to, because the search hadn't been really successful yet.

"No." I just said with a grimace, making her shake her head and get up.

She searched through the dresses and found one without sleeves that was cut to my waist and ended up falling in a cascade of white. I tilted my head and sighed.

"Beautiful, definitely, but I have no boobs to hold it, and I'm gonna look like a cake cover."

I heard Julie laugh as she got up too. "You won't! I'm sure it’ll fit you! As for the boobs problem, i'm pretty sure they have tricks for that, you know. To keep the dress in place."

I sighed again and shook my head.

"Is it too much to ask for a boob crack? Once in my life?"

Both my friends started laughing and I rolled my eyes, taking the dress and walking back inside the large stall to get changed. It took me forever to take the dress I was wearing off and I had to hold myself against the wall to try the new one on. I knew there was literally a couch in there but I couldn't get myself to sit on it and I was not sure why. When I got out, unfortunately, I came face to face with someone I really didn't want to see. Heidi had a small annoying smile on her lips and her eyes moved on me up and down before raising her eyebrows.

"You're still getting married?" she asked with a chuckle. "Why am I not surprised?"

"What about you?" I asked rudely, crossing my arms on my chest. "What are you doing here? Getting married too? Oh wait, no, Niall literally dropped your ass."

She lost her smile for a few seconds but quickly got it back, raising her eyebrows up.

"I'm thinking he'll call me again soon, probably right after you get married to an other man and break his heart."

"Could you just leave, Heidi?" Eleanor asked with a sigh before rolling her eyes. "You're ruining our fun."

"You are. Why are you here anyway?" Julie added, raising her eyebrows, clearly annoyed, too.

"I was walking by and I saw you, thought I'd come in and say hi."

"Hi." Eleanor said cheerfully before losing her smile. "Bye."

"Fine, I'm leaving." she just let out a short laugh before turning around. She stopped when she was close to the door and turned to us again with a frown. "Oh and if you want my opinion, you shouldn't wear that dress. Even if you get it adjusted, you would still look like a cake cover. Have you thought about losing a little weight too?"

I felt my jaw clench and quickly, I raised my middle finger up and she chuckled.

"Oh and Heidi, by the way, did you get your boxes back?" she frowned again, her hand still holding the knob and I sent her an other smile. "Yea I saw them last time I went to Niall's. They were waiting by the door. I only noticed them later in the evening. Before that, I was too busy letting him fuck my brains out to focus on anything else."

I didn't know if she was pissed but I waited until she was out to exhale. My whole body was throbbing and I swallowed as I tried not to break down.

"Did you really have sex with Niall again?" Julie asked after a few minutes of silence. I turned on my heels to face my friends and pressed my lips together. "Oh my god, you did."

"No!" I lied, frowning. "I just wanted to shut her up."

"Well, whether you did it or not, you shouldn't have said that." Eleanor pointed out, crossing her arms on her chest and looking at the spot near the door where Heidi was only a few minutes ago. "I don't trust her."

I knew I shouldn't have, but at that moment, I just wanted to hurt her as much as she was trying to hurt me. I knew she was good at finding someone's insecurities and she definitely knew how to use mine against me, but at least, I didn't want her to get the satisfaction to know it had done exactly what she expected.

I was also unsure of why I wouldn't tell my friends that something had happened between Niall and I again. They knew we fucked the day they were all home for Harry's birthday, then why did it bother me to tell them that it happened again? Perhaps I didn't want them to think it was becoming a pattern, or that I was just using him while Dylan was away... but it didn't make much sense. I trusted them, that I was sure of, but it was probably the guilt inside me that made me lie. I felt guilty about Dylan, and also about Niall. I was confused to the point of just wanting to run away and never coming back. Maybe, when i'd be far away, I'd find out who I really wanted to be with.

I shook my head, of course I wanted to be with Niall. I didn't need to travel across the world to know that, but that didn't mean I was ready to hand him my heart again like it was not patched up with fragile band-aids from the last time I actually dated him.

"Oh whatever, fuck her." I just said, turning around to face the mirror. I had bigger problems than Heidi anyway. "I really do look like a cake cover."

My friends started laughing at the same time and shook their heads.

"No! You look amazing!" Julie pointed out again. "You know me, I wouldn't let you get married with a dress that made you look stupid."

"I wouldn't either." Eleanor added, sending a smile to my reflection in the mirror.

I sighed and smiled back. I had no idea if the problem was the dress, or just the marriage in general and I pressed my lips together, closing my eyes. I just wanted to call Niall and see him again, maybe even cuddle him. I wanted to feel his body pressed on mine and hear him tell me he loves me.

"You can try an other one?"

I raised my nose up and nodded while looking at myself again.

"Okay, let's just try an other one."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan story #niall horan writing #my fanfics #yam #i hope this chapter is a bit more popular but i doubt it lol boo

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talkfastcal · 4 years ago

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you can tell a lot about someone by the type of music they listen to 🎵🎶

rules: hit shuffle on your media player and write down the first 20 songs, then tag 10 people. no skipping!

Thank you for tagging me! @i-like-5sos

1. Long Way Home - 5SOS: Oh! I haven’t heard this song in awhile. This is one of my favorites from self titled (although I will always prefer the acoustic version) I still remember when they changed the lyrics to “white snake on the radio” during my ROWYSO show. My favorite lyric is “so we’re taking the long way home cause I don’t wanna be wasting my time alone”

2. Bloody Mary - Lady Gaga: I remember the first time I heard this being 11 years old and shocked LMAO if I’m being real honest I love the beat (AND THE BASS) of this song. ALSO the chorus “I WONT CRY FOR YOU” is so GOOD

3. Not Warriors - Waterparks: y’all are in for a TREAT THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE WATERPARKS SONGS. I cannot just listen to this song just once. It’s always at least 3 times and it’s ALWAYS blasting (and yes I did replay it 3 times and blast it through my headphones while typing this) When the beat drops and “THERES NOTHING IN MY SYSTEM SO IM FEELING WHAT I FEEL FOR YOU” so POWERFUL!!!! My favorite lyric is “but hey for what it’s worth I think you saved my life”

4. Best Song Ever - One Direction: I still refuse to believe this song is about sex LMAO this is such a fun song to dance to though I love it. My favorite part is Niall’s solo “I said can I take you home with me, she said never in your wildest dreams”

5. Strong - One Direction: OH! FUCK! MY FAVORITE ONE DIRECTION SONG DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH THE CHORUS “IM SORRY IF I SAY I NEED YOU” I CANT I CANT. If you have not heard them acapella sing this do me a favor and go listen ITS SO GOOD ALSO! Zayn’s high note. My favorite lyric is ofc Louis’ solo “think of how much love that’s been wasted people always trying to escape it move on to stop their heart breaking but there’s nothing I’m running from, you make me strong”

6. Kids In The Dark - All Time Low: YES I LOVE THIS SONG I LOVE THIS ALBUM I LOVE THE MEANING OF THE SONG I’m not joking when I say that I found this song and this band during the hardest time in my life and this song just really hit me hard. My favorite lyric is “beautiful scars on critical veins” AND the firework pop towards the end!!!!

7. Olivia - One Direction: I will admit this song has grown on me big time post hiatus (also the fact that now I’m not hiding my sexuality from myself I can freely listen to this song without feeling ashamed) I! Love! This! Song! It’s such a cute love song!! My favorite lyric is “the summertime butterflies all belong to your creation”

8. I Love You 5 - Never Shout Never: another band I was obsessed with back in 2015 I haven’t listened to this song in awhile!! I remember loving this song though and using it everywhere. I also like in the beginning he says “I love you one a two a three shoobe-doo I love you four that’s more than I can afford”

9. Only Angel - Harry Styles: idk not much to say about this Harry song it’s not in my top 5 but it’s a good song! I like listening to it but it’s just not my favorite. My favorite lyric is “open up your eyes shut your mouth and see that I’m still the only one who’s been in love with me”

10. Viva La Vida - Coldplay: no one: - me: AHHHHHHHHH literally this song will never be the same ever since 1d performed it on xfactor. Idk what to say about this song other than the fact that I like it??? I also like 1D’s cover of it??? Yea cool. My favorite lyric is “Never an honest word but that was when I ruled the world”

11. Glitter & Crimson - All Time Low: this song has definitely grown on me since the release of wake up sunshine. ALSO THE BRIDGE! My favorite lyric is “lets start lets start a riot hard to sit still when your head’s on fire”

12. (Love Will) Turn Back The Hands Of Time - Grease 2: don’t clown me y’all but this movie and soundtrack are a guilty pleasure. I love the original grease BUT grease 2!! It’s such a stupid movie but the soundtrack is fantastic. Anyways this song is another guilty pleasure LMAO I love the whole song so I’m not picking a “favorite lyric”

13. Savior - Rise Against: OH!!!! OH!!! THIS SONG RIGHT HERE!!!! fun fact: the first time I actually heard this song was when I watched a video of someone on YouTube burning her littlest pet shops because a trade went wrong and she got scammed so she took her anger out on that. I literally forgot about this song until one day I heard it in my junior year literature class and had major deja vu. Okay anyways I love this song LMAO my favorite part is the chorus “that’s when she said I don’t hate you boy I just want to save you while there’s still something left to save. That’s when I told her I love you girl but I’m not the answer for the questions that you still have WOAH OH OH WOAH OH OHHH”

14. National Anthem - DE’WAYNE: okay THIS SONG it’s so good and it describes what it’s like growing up in America as a POC. I don’t wanna say too much about it since I’m not a POC so I know I will never fully understand the song because of my privilege but I appreciate the fuck out of this. I love the entire song I don’t have a favorite lyric

15. Your Love - Nicki Minaj: I miss this Nicki Minaj. UM not much to say about this song either??? It’s a good song and I like it?! My favorite part is the chorus OH and the outro I love it

16. Just Dance - Lady Gaga: another pop classic from my childhood alright I MEAN ITS JUST DANCE?! HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS SONG??? ALSO THIS LADY GAGA?! Don’t get me wrong I love the lady Gaga we have now BUT THIS ONE WILL ALWAYS BE ASSOCIATED WITH MY CHILDHOOD AND PRETEEN YEARS. I remember feeling like a badass singing this song when I was 10 years old LMAO I don’t have a favorite lyric I love the whole thing it’s a bop

17. Dear Patience - Niall Horan: Oh!! One of my favorites from Heartbreak Weather. His voice in this song is just so beautiful ugh yes. I absolutely love the chorus of this. My favorite lyric is “feels like you don’t even know me just me and the stars can get lonely”

18. San Francisco - 5sos: OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG ITS IN MY TOP 3 FROM SOUNDS GOOD FEELS GOOD. I hardly see anyone appreciate this song so I’m here to tell y’all: ITS A GOOD SONG?!?! have y’all listened to the live version AS WELL!!!! masterpiece. This song makes me happy especially the guitar at the beginning. My favorite lyric is “reminds me of when we were free I swear that it’s still haunting me” BUT! I do love that pre-chorus

19. They All Float - Waterparks: NICE a song from their first EP okay but I love this song it’s much heavier compared to what they sing now and that’s what I like about it. My favorite part is THE BRIDGE!!! “this is the part where you cut your losses this is the part where you get a job this is the part where you settle for less just like you never wanted to”

20. We made it finally Adrenaline - Simple Creatures: OH MY GOD THIS SONG LISTEN this is the first song I listened to from this band (which btw if y’all didn’t know is made up of Alex Gaskarth from ATL and Mark Hoppus from Blink-182) I mean while it’s more pop (which is what their intention is) ITS STILL A GOOD BAND!!! ESPECIALLY THIS SONG!! ITS SO GOOD DAMN I love the music video omfg. I’m just a sucker for dance choreography since I grew up surrounded by dance (I did competitive dance for a couple of years and my sister was a competitive dancer until she graduated) okay enough about me this song is so damn good I can’t stop saying that alright! My favorite lyric “I think we’re failin to connect you don’t what you do to me do to me do to me” and I LOVE THE CHORUS

This was fun!!! And it took me forever LMAO I’m not tagging 10 people but I’ll tag some

@louhazzabeingloudandloud @28-oops-hi @devilatmydoor @glitter-cal and anyone else who wants to do this!! 💜

#tag games #mutuals 💜#long post

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symeraid-s · 4 years ago

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My 2020 Awards (Music & Anime)

Music

Song of the Year: xaa-xaa – Horror This is the most played song on my playlist this year and it’s deserved. It’s just a really great song with one of the best intro’s of the year. Kazuki’s voice is perfection.

Honourable Mentions:

SID – Siren This one could technically be considered SOTY, but I thought that Horror deserves it a bit more. Still, Mao’s vocals give me chills

Taemin – Criminal It’s definitely one of his best songs and one of this year as a whole. And you know… it’s Taemin.

MY FIRST STORY – Underground Has a cool beat and great vocals. I also adore the lyrics.

QUEEN BEE – BL Probably has the best beat/Bass-line of this yea. Also showcases Avu-chan’s range.

Artist of the Year: xaa-xaa (Horror, Happy Wedding, Reito Ningen) I love this group. They constantly put out Bangers only and yet always end up under my radar. But this year, with the rest of the J-Rock scene being kinda dead, they really stood out. All of their songs landed on my playlist this year, so they really deserve it.

Honourable Mentions:

Kenshi Yonezu (KANDEN, Campanella, Canary) This guy is just one of the most interesting Japanese artists currently active. His Stray Sheep album is also really good.

Stray Kids (gods menu, Back Door) This year, Stray Kids really took me over. They had two very well directed Comebacks with amazing Music Videos.

TWICE (More & More, I Can’t Stop Me, Cry for Me) I didn’t really care for them in the past years, but they really delivered good music.

Super Junior (2YA2YAO, Burn the Floor, the Melody) TIMELESS was my favourite album of the year and the tracks we already got for the Renaissance sound really good. The Sub-Units (especially D&E) also had good comebacks.

Best Music Video of the Year: Stray Kids – gods menu This music video is a piece of art. There are no unclean cuts or weird jump-cuts, the Transitions are really fluid and the editing in general is just genius. Even if somebody doesn’t like Stray Kids, they can appreciate this video.

Honourable Mentions:

Stray Kids – Back Door Has the same great editing as gods menu, but there is one(!) unclean Cut. But it does have my favourite shot of the year.

Xaa-xaa – Horror It’s really well made and basically a Horror movie in cue with the music.

QUEEN BEE – BL Has a really creative production design and colour scheme and some really nice transitions.

BUMP OF CHICKEN – Acacia This is just a Music Video straight out of Nostalgia. And it’s animated by Studio BONES, so your argument is invalid.

Dance Performance of the Year: Taemin – Criminal First of all: It’s Taemin. This man can make everything look effortless, no matter how hard it actually is. And dancing with your hands tied is really f**king hard! Let’s just cut this short before I actually get into a five page long analysis about why this choreo is so amazing and just say: It’s one of the best K-Pop choreos of all time.

Honourable Mentions:

Super Junior – Burn the Floor Probably has one of the coolest concepts of this year, but isn’t perfectly executed. The combining of classical and modern elements is really interesting though.

Stray Kids – Back Door It’s energetic and has one of my personal favourite choreo elements of the year.

BTS – Black Swan A cool choreo, but appears to be a bit overproduced. Still, that MMA performance blew me away. It’s also sad, that it got overshadowed by Jimin’s solo dance in the MV.

Dreamcatcher – Scream It’s one of the coolest Girl Group choreos and one of the few, that actually reserved a spot for a missing member, by replacing her with a masked dancer (take notes, EXO!)

Rookies of the Year: E’LAST (Swear, Tears of Chaos) They had one of the most interesting debuts this year, but got massively overlooked. The Comeback they had a few months later was definitely better executed and actually great, but was still overlooked. E’LAST really deserves more attention, please listen to them. If you don’t, them you could at least watch one of their dance covers of Black Swan, gods menu or Criminal.

Honourable Mention:

GHOST9 (Think of Dawn, W.ALL) They also had a really interesting debut concept, but their Comeback was a bit weaker.

Most Underrated Comeback of the Year: E’LAST – Tears of Chaos It’s a really amazing song with great styling, but was overlooked, because the group is from an unknown label and the stages were partly cut, since they couldn’t afford full promotions. Still, please check it out.

Honourable Mentions:

CIX – Jungle People somehow didn’t like this song and I can’t understand it. It definitely had one of the best breakdowns this year.

ONF – Sukhumvit Swimming This song needs more than one listening to like it, but it’s honestly one of the funniest/ most nonsense Comebacks of the year.

Super Junior D&E – No Love D&E is probably one of the best subunits and the song just slaps.

ONEUS – TO BE OR NOT TO BE It has an amazing build up, but the refrain is a bit weak. The Breakdown is the best of the year though.

Most Underwhelming Comeback of the Year: BTS – Dynamite Honestly, the Instrumental of Dynamite is really great, the execution of the rest is just… questionable. I still don’t understand, why this couldn’t be a Korean Comeback. About a year ago, they insisted that they were Korean artists and that they would not release and English song, but look were we are now. And I don’t even want to start on the Autotune. Jimin sounds like a chipmunk and I wasn’t able to pick out the difference between the rest of the vocalists. This could have been a Jungkook solo for all I know. With a better execution, this could have been a good song, but how it is, it’s just a stale earworm.

Honourable Mentions:

BTS – Black Swan It’s kinda the same problem. The Autotune is obnoxious and makes the song too forgettable. Without it, it could be great.

Super M – 100 It could have been better, but sounds a bit phoned in. There’s also a lot of questionable styling.

VAV – Made for Two Similar to Dynamite it also has a great instrumental with a weak execution, but it’s still a nice send off for Baron to the Military.

EVERGLOW – La Di Da The chorus and bridge are really good, especially the chorus, I love this chorus. But sadly the verses and rap fall flat. The rap-part is also slightly obnoxious.

Worst Comeback/Song of the Year: BLACKPINK – HOW YOU LIKE THAT I’m sorry, Blinks, but I really don’t like this song. The lyrics are all over the place, it rehashes the same formulas musical and video wise and the worst part is: It sounds like four songs stitched together. I kinda like the bridge, but the rest of the song is actively obnoxious.

Honourable Mentions:

BTS – Respect The entire 7 Album isn’t really good, but this song is just annoying. The way it starts really grates my nerves and, come on guys, this is basically a Cypher, when did you forget how to do this?

BLACKPINK feat. Selena Gomez– Ice Cream Whoever green-lit these lyrics deserves to be fired. Selena Gomez also sticks out like a sore thumb.

TREASURE – MMM Just… just… No! YG, go home, you’re drunk!

IZ*ONE – Secret Story of Swan The chorus is probably the most obnoxious one, I’ve heard all year. The Music Video is also a technicolour nighmare.

Anime

Anime of the Year: Jujutsu Kaisen This Anime has just really amazing Animation, some of the best animated fights of 2020 and, damn, the characters are engaging. Sukuna really seems like he could be one of the new greatest Manga/Anime antagonists. Park Seonghoo really proofed himself to be a really great director, so now it’s pretty clear, that Crunchyroll is to blame for the train wreck God of High-School turned out to be.

Honourable Mentions:

Attack on Titan the Final Season As a Manga-reader, I really appreciate that MAPPA is not censoring anything from the Marley arc. They really proved, that they can hold the torch from WIT.

Fugou Keiji: Balance Unlimited It’s just a really well made Mystery show, with interesting main characters, but not for the reasons Tumblr says.

ID:_Invaded A really interesting Sci-fi original Anime, with probably one of the coolest protagonists this year.

Moriarty the Patriot One of the most underrated Animes of the year, but Saito Souma really gives an amazing performance.

Opening of the Year: Fugou Keiji: Balance Unlimited (SixTONES – NAVIGATOR) It’s just a really cool song, with a very nice verse. The full version also has a really cool rap-part. It’s just a really well made OP and, even though the Animation isn’t the best, it really hits all the right notes. I also like how in sync with the Song the Animation is.

Honourable Mentions:

Moriarty the Patriot (Tasuku Hatanaka – DYING WISH) Just has a really nice intro and build-up, as well as good high-notes.

God of High-School (KSUKE feat. Tyler Carter – Contradiction) It certainly is the best animated OP of the year, but goes a bit too hard with the Techno for me.

Attack on Titan the Final Season (Shinsekai Kamettechan – Boku no Sensou) It fits the new tone of the season surprisingly well and yeah, it’s basically a banger.

Jujutsu Kaisen OP 1 (Eve – Kaikai Kitan) The song is pretty standard, but it looks really pretty and there is a panda running on a rooftop, so…

Ending of the Year: Jujutsu Kaisen ED 1 (ALI feat. AKLO – LOST IN PARADISE) This is one of the few Anime songs that actually gets me to stand up and dance. The Animation is pretty adorable and, damn, the final chorus hits way too hard in the full version, holy shit. I liked ALI fine for Wild Side (the Beastars OP), but this song really knocks that out of the park. This really is a band I’ll keep an eye out for.

Honourable Mentions:

Fugou Keiji: Balance Unlimited (OKAMOTO’s – Welcome My Friend) This was my ED of the year, before we got LOST IN PARADISE. It has a great intro and I really just adore the song.

ID:_Invaded (MIYAVI – Other Side) It’s really boring Animation-wise, but the Cologne Cathedral may be in it, so that’s a plus. On the other side, the song is really awesome and hits way too hard. I swear, this entire Anime is just a MIYAVI fan convertor.

Haikyuu!! To the Top!! 2 (SPYAIR – One Day) It’s a really nice song, certainly one of SPYAIRs best, there is only one problem: You just don’t hire SPYAIR for an Ending!

The Great Pretender (Freddy Mercury – The Great Pretender) I mean, it’s Freddy Mercury! How can you not like it? Also, the Animation is cute.

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9w1ft · 5 years ago

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feels a little early to be writing a year-in review but i find myself in a quiet moment so i thought i’d tap a few things out

in 2019, in all facets of my life, i faced a challenge of some sort and i surprised myself as i held my ground more often than ran away, which felt new. what *also* felt new was this sense of ease i began having professionally, when it came to conceptualizing and making decisions. sorta feels like a lot of things are crystallizing.

in terms of life on here, i didn’t have TSL for the majority of the year (anybody out there remember TSL?!) so i busied myself with crafting fun memories on my own. there were spans of weeks where i’d just get on a tear and run into one new thing after the other and it was all really just fantastic. i gave myself permission to indulge in the most decadent of things and to follow the most mercurial of assumptions to places i thought closed off.

i’m pretty sure i’ve smiled and laughed more over this year than i ever have in my entire life. no joke.

here are some kaylorverse moments that brought me joy in 2019:

it’s nice to have a friend

2018 was my first year being a kaylor and i just sort of was moreover on the contributor or commenter side of things so 2019 was interesting in that when taylor really leaned into the gay imagery leading up to album release, i started getting newer people sending me stuff! and asking me my takes on things! and like, my words suddenly had weight for some reason? it felt weird but i truly enjoyed getting to talk with so many different people and hear their ideas and laugh and such. that was markedly different from last year. from within this, 79-swift reached out to me with the eye theory, the most beautiful and rare of observations by a singularly lovely individual that i have dedicated my life to protecting and promoting. and i feel like i’ve gotten to know many people i knew through 2018 more deeply and have come to accept the role i play, lean in to it, and formulate my own truth of the matter, and that sort of heightened perspective on it has been a blessing and i’m so thankful for this strange sense of camaraderie that has formed with many of you? thank you??? and my conviction, and my wishes, for the girls to find happiness have only strengthened this year... im committed to seeing this through whether people like it or not!! harumph!

block ‘em

i also started proactively curating my experience.. that’s right! i began blocking trolls with reckless abandon, and i turned anons off! 😂 and damn it’s so much more worthwhile of a time on here when you set aside people that only want to ruin your day.

i got over my fear of eyeballs!!

😂 no seriously, body horror and in particular eyes out of context was actually sort of a thing that previously creeped me out BUT LOOK AT ME NOW. i’m gonna do my best not to rehash the eye theory, please read the post and recall the number of times i filipped out 😂 each and every one is precious to me

also

geeking out with bert and ernie gifs with kaylorfossil and making empsmd-blog drop her debit card need a mention.

the ME! music playlist.

i fell in love with so many songs and like, running into eye motifs in so many of the songs, lyrically and visually, was the most hilarious thing. but really just a lot of the songs really tapped at my soul with an ice pick and i even went to go see The Japanese House live in Osaka which was transcendental and i’m just so thankful for having taylor introduce Good At Falling to me because it was a *necessary* album.

i made and collected stuff

i made and amassed many artifacts that one day i can look back on and remember what a wild ride it has been. some favorites are my procuring of the pixel art heart ring from the ME! mv (a nod to my tsl days..), as well as the evil eye ring.. i didn’t physically make this but the eye theory made the taydar podcast and there’s nothing i enjoy more in this world than making someone giggle and i just love that the episode exists. making that kaylor straw was 👌 working on a mock-up of the golden locket has been very satisfying. i started incorporating fun kaylor winks into my artwork as well which was fun, and i also commissioned a collage from the very talented and lovely valheria and i couldn’t have asked for anything better 🥰

wildin in the TS7 tag was the best.

i made this observation that there’s this type of cocoon that looks like a cobra, which transforms into a butterfly over a period of 13 days, and like, the post got so many notes and i just had a lot of swiftie eyeballs all of a sudden on my blog which led to some hilarity. but honestly i just love geeking out over theories and it’s fun to get to do that as fans of taylor at large. things felt warm and effervescent.

my newspaper subscription

i subscribe to the TTB Times and let me just say the submissions and anons this year were overwhelmingly a delight to read through every day. also like, we did get cued in to stuff before album release and i am just thankful that there are people out there both who want to give us that and people who work to help them give us that. thank you ttb for moderating your blog (my newspaper of choice) however it is that you do and to everyone that contributed to her blog.

the whole lead up to the ME! video release

so glorious... but particular the hour before. i was rushing to pick up my kid from school and suddenly i kept getting messages from people that taylor was covering her face and framing her eyes, and i was like oh please yeah sure BUT THEN when the snake in the video had a blank eye like i don’t think you guys understand i had to wait at a bus stop and exchange pleasantries with the other moms but it was a *five alarm fire* in my mind

cause shade never made anybody less gay

stealing away to listen to YNTCD for the first time and hearing Taylor Alison Swift use the word gay in a released song for the first time was a transcendental moment

karlie’s hand in the YNTCD mv.

‘nuff said

daisies. daisies everywhere.

taylor said daisy kaylor rights, and she said it everywhere. *everywhere*. cannot, will not, get over how blessed we are.

gay gay gay gay gay.... taylor’s

sorry not sorry that wiz khalifa collab with elohim on her track FYM was ethereal and i still hope it’s a part of the preshow playlist for Lover Fest

clue hunting in klossy videos and karlie ads

call me a corporate shill all you want like, there’s always a little something in there and i also enjoy the little flickers of goofy karlie that jump out from time to time. and i know this is not the case for everyone but post eyepocalypse, karlie leaning in, winking that eye of hers time and time again was just pique comedy for me and it always made me chuckle. the brands karlie has repped have been really laying it on thick too and it’s been a joy to see. when taylor does it with her music it’s art, and for me karlie’s media presence is a form of art too 😌

oh kaptain my kaptain

kimby liked a comment of mine on her insta which was a distinct honor and privilege 😌 and really she was dropping clues left and right through spring up until she got her snazzy new job and things calmed down 🥰 of which i am so proud talk about an on brand job! also partially clearing the air about my TSL theory and the lead up to clearing that air was quite fulfilling for me and i am forever grateful for the time we shared. and to this point, the seesters in general (and kurt omg) have been quite active all year and we don’t deserve it but they’ve stuck around and it’s been calming.

album cover art release on the livestream

LIKE I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE NEVER HAD A FOURTH WALL BROKEN SO DULY

i love you forever, thank you for everything

when taylor came to visit tokyo this year i was basically reenacting the swamp scene from OOTW trying to get a ticket to the secret event... i listened to ME! on LINE MUSIC for over 2000 plays, i bought multiple CD’s, it was such an ordeal and then to not have a ticket after all but still putting on my thinking cap and managing to figure out where the event was while i was at disney sea and literally running from disney sea to the venue in high heels with The Man playing on my phone was oscar-worthy and actually *being correct* and the moment i knew i was correct and how i knew i was correct was so amazing 😉 and i play by the rules so i didn’t try to get in without a ticket and i didn’t lurk. but just to have figured it out and validated it was such a thrill. seeing her on TV live was amazing as well ///

lost in japan, reprise

oh and, last year for rep tour there was this theory i had which didn’t pan out but it had to do with the clues i thought shawn mendes was dropping through autumn 2018 and anyway that’s a story for another day but as i was bopping around town, looking for lockets, staying in rooms i have no business being in, drinking lots of whisky...just to know that while i was doing *everything but* successfully meeting taylor, she literally phoned shawn and had him record lines for that eye theory remix like, i will never ever, like, guys. guys. 😂 it’s too perfect for words. the world is weird like that sometimes.

Lover

and omg Lover the album? i absolutely love lover and i loves that honeymoon period of theorizing and parallel unearthing that we did and i love how slightly creepy-cute it is and i love the whole wabi-sabi thing going on and i absolutely love every song on the album, every one, they all have so much meaning to me... and each one is teeming with little blips and bloops and sound samples and seconds of silence and i love all the brass instruments and so many lush moments... i guess my shortlist (in no particular order) would be the archer, lover, i think he knows, daylight, cruel summer, false god, cornelia street, ME! (yea i really like me 🥰). and to think about everything that went in to the album and the thrill of what it might have been and the vastness of what we don’t know, but like, the weight of that potential?? it’s like this vast pastel and black abyss of drowsy and deep feelings and i love every inch of it. it’s a vibe that reflects so much of what this year has been for me and i’m happy to have existed in this time to have had it with me.

jesus this has gotten too long, and i still have like 24 more things to write out but um, basically, as i’m sure you’ve been able to assume? i wanted to say that despite 2019 being somewhat of a slasher film affair for our fandom, i still had a goddamn great time this year and i hope everyone can find some good memories and relive them as well 🥰

#kaylor #much love to you all!!#all eyes on us

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igotyoukth · 5 years ago

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Presents. Hyung Line.

Masterlist.

Seokjin

“This is so embarrassing. Alexa, play Embarrassed by BTS,” rang through your mind. Recreating Alexa memes in your head was the least of your problems, in front of the situation you were facing.

Jin had announced that he finally managed to buy one of the action figures, he was after for a while. And now he explained you on the phone, how hard it had been to get it using all of his connections. Listening to his side of the story, everything was fine. More than that, you should be happy for him, he sounded so euphoric.

The only problem was, that you called him to say, that you managed to get the same exact figure as well. Not the fancy way though. You had followed every auction side on the internet, keeping an eye on them, in case someone had the figure you had in mind. And miraculously at the beginning of this week, it had appeared. And so you bid over the piece and won. Or maybe lost, your account was missing a big sum now. It was second hand, but Jin wouldn’t mind, you had thought. All he would use it for was staring at it for a while and wait for it to cover in dust.

“Babe, are you not happy? Don’t repeat your ‘Action figures are useless’ thing again, I’m too happy for that,” Jin said, after you didn't respond to him.

“No, Jin. It’s great news, re-really,” you stuttered, still unsure of what to do.

“But it’s a bummer, that I got just one, you know,” Jin added with a little less excited voice.

“Why? I always tell you not to be greedy, one piece of useless plastic on your shelf is enough, isn’t it?” No matter how confused you were, you couldn’t give up on ranting on him.

“Miss Problematic, I’m thinking about my best friend Namjoons, who happens to miss that one piece in his collection,” he mimicked your annoyed high pitched voice. But you weren’t annoyed anymore. You were blissed. The hundreds of dollars you spent weren’t for the cat, like your one weird German friend always said.

“What will you do, if I solve that problem for you?”

“We did talk about marriage, you are the one opposing it, I’m free this weekend.” Sometimes you regretted joking around him.

“Just make sure you have enough signed albums for me to bribe my colleges, I’ll be fine,” you changed the subject, and explained how you wanted to surprise him with your purchase, but failed, but also not. So he would gift his figure to Namjoon, and gladly accept your gift.

Yoongi

If buying sleep was possible, you would’ve been the first person to do it for him. Or maybe second, because Yoongi would possibly be the first one to do so. He was richer than you after all. Anyways, there was nothing that this boy wished for, as he either didn’t need anything, or was already in possession of it. It didn’t help, that he was quite minimalistic and practical in his way of living. He did smile and shine, when you gifted him decoration and couple items, but now he threatened you with buying you even more useless things in return, like items shown in those tiktok videos. So you were cautious.

“Don’t buy anything,” Yoongi interrupted your whining.

“Because my existence alone is enough right?,” you asked and pretended to vomit on him. He didn’t even react to it.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” this earned him a kick against the shin,”we don’t need to gift each other anymore.” “Whoa, just be honest and confess you are tired of me already,” you acted as if you were hurt by his words. You weren’t. But acting crazy made him react to you sometimes.

“I got an idea, how about you stop acting crazy? Great gift! For like a week or so?” Like you hoped, he entirely turned into your direction and tried to act all serious.

“So you can get bored even more? No I can’t risk that.” You sticked out your tongue. Only Yoongi could sit there and try to analyze your behavior like this. He didn’t label you as just plainly crazy, but tried to understand why you did this. After a long staring contest, he finally clapped his hands and turned back to the notebook in front of him.

“You already have a present, that’s why you are so bratty,” he said calmly.

“Is it because you’re a pisces? How do you always know, I don’t like that.” “Bring out the gift, so you can relax.” And with huffing and puffing you stood up and walked to your bag. Like he guessed, you already had his gift, you just wanted to annoy him a bit.Even though it never worked the way you hoped.

“Here,” you said and put the package under his nose.

“My girl is so mindful, how did you know I ran out of it?,” he asked, picking up his favorite perfume out of the box.

“I’m not, you were beginning to stink, that’s it,” you lied.

“Thank you, then? And you are welcome, for not stinking anymore?,” he said a little unsure.

Hoseok

It was easy to make Hoseok gifts. Get into mall, look out for the most expensive store and find the most expensive thing. Easy for the brain, a little hard for the wallet. But it’s fine. You reduced situations for gifting each other down to birthdays. It was fine to spent hundreds once a year. That’s what you told yourself.

The other way around, Hoseok was struggling enormously. To be fair, he had the money, but the ideas were missing. There was no brand you liked (you cursed way too many times about those capitalists, which included Hoseok sometimes), and you looked like you had everything you needed. In Hoseok’s eyes, it was never wrong to have far more than what you needed, but he didn’t want to buy you things that would age in the corner of your room.

“Just buy her something she mentioned before,” Jimin suggested,”exchange lists of what you want or something.”

“Is that what you do with your girlfriend?,” Hoseok asked confused.

“Yea, so we both can be happy,” Jimin answered.

“But aren’t surprises more fun though?,” Seokjin added.

“Don’t start with that shit, Hyung. Not only did your girl get you something you bought for yourself, but you did the same thing for her as well,” Hoseok said, not sure why he was asking his members for advice.

“That’s called fate and love, we just know each other too well,” Jin rolled his eyes at Hoseok.

“I thought about make-up? Or clothes, she rarely has time to go shopping,” Hoseok voiced some of his ideas.

“Please, she will say ‘Am I not pretty, do you want me to change?’ if you turn up with those things,” Yoongi said.

“Hyung, sorry but you are the only one dating a psycho,” Hoseok said.

“But Yoongi is right though, make-up and clothes are risky, one for her reaction but also you can’t match her taste 100% with those things,” Jin argued.

“Ah! I’ll gift a coupon, a shopping spree with me and I’m buying everything! What about that?,” Hoseok asked his members enthusiasticly.

“It’s pretty close to my idea, so I like it!,” Jimin said, and the others agreed as well.

Namjoon

Namjoon had animals, stars, parts of the moon, trees, hell even whole forests dedicated to him. So maybe some of the oxygen you breathed was his. How could you top that? How could you find better gifts for his birthday, when that boy literally owned parts of the universe? Of course, he had things he was passionate about, things he collected and bought. You couldn’t buy him a whole museum, neither a collector’s piece nor real paintings. But you hoped, that maybe if you created something, maybe he would love it like art on display.

So operation ‘Learn how to get into pottery and create an acceptable tea pot’ began two weeks before your anniversary. Not that Namjoon was a tea person, but he was a person with baby shoes in his studio. That boy only cared for aesthetics.

And you learned how to be patient with your untalented hands, started growing muscles, and finally created the most asymmetrical tea pot the world had seen. The artsy type of asymmetrical though. And it definitely had character, you like the plain design, and the gold accents you had added to cover up some uneven parts.

“Babe, this is gorgeous!,” Namjoon said, confirming that you did choose well.

“I’m happy you like it,” you responded, overly confident with how the pot turned out.

“I didn’t know you could do something like this, babe. It will look great in the studio.”

“How did you know I made it?,” you asked Namjoon, clearly with less confidence than earlier. Because you had thought about selling it as an artist piece, like that’s how pleased you were with the tea pot.

Noticing the shift in your mood, Namjoon was confused.

“Is it ugly?,” you asked, when he didn’t respond.

“I told you, it looks amazing! It’s missing-”

“It’s missing what?,” you interrupted.

“It’s missing a logo at the bottom, babe! Don’t be overdramatic!,” Namjoon laughed.

#bts #bangtan #bts imagines #bts fluff #bts reactions #rm #jin #namjoon #seokjin #hoseok #jhope #suga #yoongi #hyung #hyung line #bts reacts #bts scenarios

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zankivich · 5 years ago

Text

The Arrangement: CEO’s Son/Dom!Shawn x Black Sub Reader Chapter 5

Hiya! This is the chapter when we get to figure out a little more of why Shawn is the way that he is. I’m not interested in villains for villains sake; I’m interested in complex characters in need of healing and kindness and also to maybe fight for themselves a little bit. I think this is gonna get very interesting if the thoughts in my head are anything to go off of. Also I try not to bug y’all too often but I am very very poor at the moment so if you did want to buy me a Kofi right here. That would be life changing. Ya girl got bills. K bye.

WARNINGS: sex without a condom (gotta wrap it up folks), a mini panic attack w/o much description, and just some general softness.

*Shawn’s point of view*

He’s in the studio. It’s his happy place. He remembered being eight years old, just barely big enough to climb into the seat, but finding something magical about the sound board. His nanny used to pick him up from school and he would beg her to take him to where his dad was working. They only started letting him go once they realized he’d stop throwing temper tantrums. He thrived there. He listened quietly and he learned about how to track vocals, how to create rhythms and what actual sound waves could look like for a vocal. And then he was thirteen, and his dad brought this guy in.

He was in baggy jeans and a green sweatshirt. His guitar had a plus sign on it, and there were scratches against the body where he’d strummed too hard. The sound guy told him his name was Ed Sheeran. He was there to sing for his dad. That day changed his life forever.

He went from playing soccer every day after school, to playing guitar and creating covers. His dad happily put him in the guitar lessons and the piano lessons and the vocal lessons. It was the outlet he never knew he needed, but couldn’t live without. Shawn was always thoroughly convinced he hadn’t been destined for much. Was never smart in school, never particularly passionate about anything either. And since the day he was born, all he knew was that his dad was powerful and his dad had money, and that meant one day he would have the same. Not because of who he was or what he accomplished, but because of who his dad was. Music changed that for him.

“Hey, pull back on the reverb?” He suggested to the producer. “It’s clouding the vocal. Trust me.”

There’s a guy in the booth. His dad’s new golden star. Niall Horan. His first album had done twice the numbers they anticipated, and so after a North American tour to test the waters he quickly pulled him in to try and do it again. That’s why Shawn was there of course. To oversee the creative vision, and “provide feedback”. What it really meant was, his dad knew he could determine what was good and what was bad, so why waste his time when he could have Shawn do it. As far as his dad was concerned, he should feel lucky that he was even allowed to be a part of the process.

“Aye, this is just isn’t feeling right. I’m coming out.” Niall said from the booth in his thick irish accent.

There’s a room of writers, but it’s actually pretty organic in comparison to some of the other artists under his dad’s belt. Two of them are friends of Horan’s from home, who had followed him along for the ride. He plops down on one of the couches and reaches for a guitar. His fingers pluck absently at the strings and Shawn can’t help but glance over there instead of filling out whatever dumbass report his dad was asking him to fill out. There’s a redheaded woman on the couch who started playing alongside him. Another guy uses his lap as drums, and they just start jamming with each other.

It’s electric. It’s that thing that made his stomach lurch like he was at the top of a rollercoaster. It’s what left him more at home in his own skin than anything else ever could. The energy in the room actually shifts. He swears he can feel the music. Like actually feel every strum in his fingertips as if its his hands on the guitar. It’s authentic and real and they’re just playing for fun.

But, somewhere in there he remembers that this is all he’ll ever get. Just watching from the sidelines while everyone else gets to play. It breaks his heart. It makes him sick to his stomach. So sick that he leaves abruptly in the middle of the session crashing outside and choking desperately for air. This is what he got. A noose that always felt too tight, with the hope every day that he just might get the chance to breathe. This was it for him.

***

*Y/n’s point of view*

Shawn: I need you.

y/n: That’s gonna be a little difficult. I’m in Miami, remember? First show of the tour for Grande.

Shawn: Well when are you coming back?

y/n: I’m staying through the first week of shows to make sure all the kinks get worked out. No pun intended.

Shawn: I don’t think I can wait that long.

You were walking past the merch booth getting set up and stopped to chat with some of the people working it. You had a lot of respect for merch booth people, depending on the show--and the pop shows were always the worst--shit could get hectic and fast. They deserved tons more respect than they got, and you were happy to show them some.

You peered down at your phone and read Shawn’s text over again. It felt a little off, even for him. You had gone stretches of time without hooking up before. There were times where he needed to be in LA while you stayed behind in New York, times where you had one show in one city, while he had one in another. It hadn’t been a problem before. You always just found time when the two of you available, and went from there. Shawn hadn’t ever pushed it further than that before.

y/n: everything alright?

Shawn: my dad is satan

y/n: well retweet sis! We been knew that.

y/n: Sorry. I wish I could be there to relieve the stress. If you wanna hop on a flight and meet me in Miami feel free lol

You head for the sound check, checking in to make sure that that stage was being set up, so that meet and greet could go off without a hitch later. You nearly trip over one of Ariana’s dogs and die, but other than that it’s fine. There’s hours and hours of labor that have to go into a show before the doors ever open, before those kids every step inside to see their idol get up on the stage. It’s your job, along with a host of other incredibly talented and hard working people, to make sure that those hours seamingly don’t even exist. You don’t mind it. Back in the early days you used to go on whole tours to make sure your artists were taken care of. It wasn’t until you turned thirty that you realized slowing down a little bit was in everyone’s best interest.

When you’re not needed you set up in an office space to answer emails and check in with the office. The afternoon passes quickly, and before you know doors are opening up, and the kids begin to pile in. You’re backstage making sure the band and Ariana are good to go, when the tour manager comes up to you looking panicked and confused the way he always did.

“Hey, y/n! Sorry to bother you, but can I borrow you for a second?”

You clap hands with Ariana wishing her luck she won’t need before heading off with Mike.

“What’s up, Mike? Everything okay?”

He nodded. “Yea! It’s just that I got a call from the head of security at the back of the venue, and there’s a guest for you who doesn’t have a pass.”

“A guest for me? I don’t have any guests tonight. Did they catch a name?”

“It’s uh...It’s Manny Mendes’ kid? Shawn?”

“What?!”

Mike winced. “He uh, he told them you personally invited him. Guy must be charming, or they probably would’ve turned him away.”

Charming, your black ass. He was a nuisance is what he was.

“I didn’t personally invite him anywhere! Take me to this dumbass, please.” You groaned in frustration.

The whole walk there you’re just trying to figure out how the hell he managed to get here that fast! Who takes a back handed joke, and then actually follows through it? Shawn fucking Mendes. This man was going to be a thorn in your side for the foreseeable future. God, was he lucky his dick was big.

Sure enough, at the back of the venue at one of the stage doors, Shawn is sitting there with a couple of security guards. His hands rest easily in his pockets, and he’s telling them a fucking joke that has them laughing their asses off. Where was the justice?!

“Hey. Took you long enough.” He chuckled reaching for a duffle bag at his feet.

What was he moving in?

“Shawn what in the hell are you doing here?”

He stared at you incredulously. “You told me to come!”

“I was kidding! How in the hell did you get here that fast anyway?”

“Honey, we have a private jet. Surely that’s not surprising to you. What are you gonna turn me away at the door right now?”

Mike is still staring at you with nothing but confusion on his face. He probably had no idea you even knew Shawn Mendes, let alone enough to accidentally invite him to Miami. This was bad. This was bad, bad, bad.

Your gritted your teeth. “He is very unfortunately with me. Mike give him a pass.”

“Are you sure th--”

“Mike just given him the damn pass.” You sighed turning on your heel to disappear back inside.

Shawn keeps up with you easily with his obnoxiously long legs. Mike power walks behind the two of you ear piece and ipad still blaring.

“Mike you can run along before curtain call. I’ve got things here.”

It’s not an option. It’s a directive, and he quickly follows it leaving you alone with your headache of the day.

“You really call the shots around here, aye?”

“Little bit. Follow me.”

You lead him to the little office space you have in one of the green rooms, and quickly close the door before more people find out that the two of you are together. He takes a seat on one of the couches like he belongs. You want to pull your hair out.

“What in the hell Shawn?” You groaned. “We have rules. Very specific rules.”

“I know. Look, I know! But you offered, okay? And I couldn’t...I wasn’t gonna wait a week. I need this. I need you.”

That certainly was a little more honest than the two of you typically got with each other.

You paused to take a better look at him, and it isn’t the prettiest sight. The smile and witty laughter from outside was a thin facade to the bags beneath his eyes and the frown that’s evident now. He looks a little pale, like paler than usual, and if you didn’t know any better you’d say he hadn’t been sleeping well. You did know better. In fact you were starting to realize that maybe you knew him a little better than you gave yourself credit for.

You took a seat on the table in front of him, your legs knocking together in the small amount of space between you.

“What’s going on? And don’t say it’s just cause you’re stressed.”

He peered up at you, his fingers tapping anxiously against his thighs.

“Since when do you care? That’s not exactly within the parameters of our relationship now is it?”

You rolled your eyes. “Not all of us go through life only living based off of what we can take from others. I know it’s a wild concept to you, but some of us? Some of us can actually be decent human beings.”

“Great so I’m a piece of shit and you’re a saint, is that it?”

“Why are you trying to fight with me? Don’t be a child; stop deflecting. Just tell me what the hell is wrong, and maybe we can fix it.”

“You can’t fix it, y/n. I’m stuck. I’m always going to be stuck okay? There is no fixing me.”

He looked exhausted. And it wasn’t the hard day at work exhausted either. This looked bone deep in him. You couldn’t tell if this was something you’d just never noticed, or if he was letting down a wall for you to see behind for the first time. Whatever it was, you didn’t like it. There wasn’t time to work through why that was, or what it meant for you to care enough to want to fix it. You just knew that you didn’t like it. That’s all that mattered.

You reached forward, your fingers pushing at his knees to make more room for you to straddle his lap. His hands immediately came up to rest on your ass, and you slid your hand over his heart. It was beating like crazy. He just needed to slow down. He needed you to help him slow down. When you kissed, his fingers dug a little more deeply into the flesh of your ass. He groaned softly against your mouth and pulled you closer. It wasn’t necessarily that you didn’t kiss at all in the time that you spent together. Shawn had no problem dominating your mouth. It just so happened that in a relationship built on dominating your body there were a lot of other things you could be doing than kissing.

His lips were still heavenly though. He knew how to tug at your jaw, how to pull you in closer and run his tongue perfectly along the roof of your mouth. It was as intoxicating as all the other things he seemed to be able to do with his body. Only instead of quickly moving to the next phase the way that he usually would, he kept you there a while longer. His lips moved against yours and your arms wrapped tight around him. You could feel his shoulders release beneath your touch, could feel his hands relax against your ass. By the time he flips you to lay your body down against the couch, fingers already tugging to get his jeans down his thighs, your lips are buzzing, and you feel kind of lightheaded. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Tell me what you need.” You whispered against his lips. “Tell me how to please you.”

“Need to be in you. Right now.” He muttered reaching beneath your skirt.

His fingers found their way between the fabric of your underwear, gently nudging between your folds where you were already wet. He tugged the thing band down off of your legs and tucked them into his jean pocket.

He groaned softly plunging his middle finger inside. “You’re always wet for me. Know exactly how to be good for me.”

He curved up and to the right, rubbing quickly against your walls to get you where you needed to go. This wasn’t about foreplay. This wasn’t a scene. There was no plan here. It was frantic and a little messy. But you liked it. You liked it more than you knew what to do with.

“Are you my good girl?” He panted jerking his finger up and down to touch the thing inside of you that made you thrash.

“Yes. Yes, I am. Please, Shawn. Please?”

“The faster you cum, the faster I can get inside this pussy.”

His bicep tensed and his breath came out in harsh pants against the side of your neck. His fingers won’t stop, won’t let up, and your body gives him exactly the reaction he wants every single time. It’s like magnets. Like he knows exactly how to touch you to make you scream. And you do. Always.

His thumb rubs circles on your clit and your body practically melts. Your back arches and your moans get higher as your orgasm hits. Not one to ever be outdone unless it’s by himself, Shawn withdrew his fingers and immediately pushed his way inside of you. The stretch alone in conjunction with the weight of him pressing you down into the couch was enough to heighten your orgasm to a place it’d never been before.

“You’re so fucking tight, shit y/n.”

“I can’t fucking breathe--Shit! it’s so good!”

The arm of the couch provides a kind of leverage you couldn’t get if you prayed for it, and Shawn’s taking full advantage. There’s something different in the way that he handles you. He’s a little more desperate than you’re used to. His hips are less skilled precision and more broken lunges. But you love it just the same. Push your hips up against him chasing something similar, chasing a high that will take you both straight off that cliff together.

“I love being inside you.” He whimpered against your chest. “Nothing feels like you. Wanna give it to you so good.”

“You do. You fucking do.”

His teeth sink into the flesh of your shoulder and it drives you up a fucking wall. You dig desperately into the couch with your heels and cry out for him. It’s fast and dirty and not at all like what you’re used to. It’s just him, just him in all your senses. And you just wanted to give that back to him tenfold.

“Want you to cum for me again. Want you to come while I shoot my load in your pussy.”

“O--Okay. Okay I’ll cum, just please keep fucking me just like that. Please, just like that”

He pushes himself up onto his knees and moves your thigh up so that your knee is pressed against the arm of the couch. His dick doesn’t even make sense at this point. It’s like amnesia. Dick amnesia. But, he does this thing where he twists his hips every time he pushes his way back into you, and it makes you cum like a waterfall. And the second you’re cumming, his thrusts deteriorate into quick, rugged slaps against your sex. When he peaks, it’s euphoria for you both. Absolute Euphoria.

For a while neither of you move except for the pounding of your hearts in unison with one another. You can’t feel your toes, and it’s so sensitive to feel him inside you in this way. It’s not just good sex it’s a feeling that he gives you in wide abundance. You feel complete with him on top of you. Sated and fulfilled and taken care of.

“Wow.” He chuckled leaning down to kiss you roughly. “That was incredible.”

You giggled. “Yea. We’re good at that. Real good.”

He slides off your body and disappears into the bathroom for a few minutes. He comes back with some damp paper towels and cleans tenderly between your legs.

“It’s not my egytpian cotton, but it gets the job done.” He chuckled.

He already looks entirely different. There’s color in his cheeks and his eyes have that obnoxious sparkle shit that they do. You like him a lot better when he looks this way. And there’s a part of you that feels a sense of pride at being able to bring that out of him.

“Thank you, kind of.” You snorted softly.

You fix your skirt while he pulls his jeans back up. You can’t help but notice you managed to yank the neck of his t-shirt horribly out of place somewhere in the midst of your climax. The least you can do is grab him one of the merch shirts. It hits him in the face when you toss it, but that’s at least a few more seconds you have to calm the hell down.

“What’s this?”

“Figured we didn’t want people asking questions. Put it on, I’m sure there’s still some more of Ari’s set left.”

His eyes widened a little and he stared back at the t-shirt before looking back up at you.

“You want me to stay?”

It’s your turn for your eyes to widen and for the ground to become more interesting.

“You don’t have to obviously. You got what you came for. Ari, just puts on a really good show.” You mumbled.

“No I--I’d love to see the show. Haven’t seen her since Coachella.”

He changed quickly out of his t-shirt, sliding on a God Is A Woman shirt instead. The outfit change is a good one in your estimation.

“Great now give me my underwear back.” You murmured resituating your lanyard that got you in everywhere around your neck.

“Oh. Yea, no.”

You looked up at him and there he was leaning against the same part of the couch that he’d rammed you again not ten minutes ago. His long legs crossed in a similar fashion to his arms across his chest. That confidence was just obviously roaring in his system all over again. He was back, just like that.

“Excuse me?” You asked, eyebrow raised and pointed.

“I’m gonna keep them. Kinda want you to think about the fact that you won’t have any panties on all night, and I’ll be the only one who knows. Every time you have to yell at someone to do their job right, every time someone from the crowd bumps into you, it’ll just be you and I who know that you’re my good little girl. So I’m gonna keep them until I’m ready to give them back to you.”

And just what in the fuck does someone do with a speech like that?

“Yea….okay.”

You leave the greenroom behind in the hopes that no one will be able to tell what was done in there that night. Instinctively you reach for his hand and tug him along behind you to get the pits. It’s a sold out show, so there’s definitely a hell of a lot of people there, but you make it work nonetheless. With only the first half of the show missed anyway there’s still plenty of talent left for him to see.

At first you thought that you needed him to see what you were capable of. Ariana was all talent, all vocals, and iconicism, and magic. But, it was you that brought it all together, you who coordinated every little piece to make sure it all ran together without problem. Before you met Shawn, before ever deciding to do the little arrangement he schemed for the both of you, there had been a need to prove yourself. It came with the territory as a woman, let alone as a Black woman in a white male dominated industry.

Something happens in the middle of the show though, when the moon hangs from the ceiling, and her voice is belting out through the whole arena. You peer up at him watching the show, and there’s no ego to be had. It’s not like when other music execs come to visit shows, and they're just looking for a way to upstage you. He’s just there. Enjoying every note and letting the vibe of the crowd fill him in that way that you loved and cherished about live shows. It’s the first time outside of the bedroom that he eases the tension for you, that he gives you a sort of metaphorical pat on the back to say, “you don’t need to stand tall. Put that away for right now.”

You take a deep breath and let your head rest against his shoulder before there’s even room to think about it. Before you lose the moment, before the tension finds a way to ease back into your body, he wraps his arms around your waist from behind. Ariana keeps singing. The crowd keeps screaming. And he doesn’t let up until the lights come back on.

***

“Where are you staying tonight?” You asked, trying to pay attention to the break down of the venue happening around you.

“Wherever you’re staying I guess.”

You peered over at the way that he was leaning against one of the barricades, still dressed in his God Is A Woman shirt, with a smirk upon his lips.

“So fucking cocky, all the time.” You snorted. “I’ve got a lot of work left to do here. I’m always the last to leave from a show.”

“That’s fine. You want me to head up to the hotel, or should I wait behind for you?”

“You’re really staying huh?”

“Told my dad I’m doing research. I think he’s found a new intern to screw, so he’s not really checking in at the moment. I could use a little vacation.” He hummed. “You want me to go?”

You bit your lip and ran your fingers over your waist where his hands had touched. It was dangerous letting him in like this. You knew it. You had to know it.

“No I don’t want you to go.”

He smiled softly. “Guess I’m not going, then.”

“Guess not.”

“Besides if I left?” He murmured stepping forward to cup your hip intimately. “When would you ever get your thong back?”

Bastard.

It’s well past one in the morning before you get to leave. Your feet hurt and you really need a shower and the hotel can’t come fast enough. There’s a car around back waiting for you, and Shawn trails right along side you with his louis vuitton duffle bag that again just reeks of unnecessary indulgence, but you let him have it this time. The soft leather seats of the BMW and the gentle shake of the car is enough to lull you towards sleep. You were the queen of sleeping on cars. Touring life was perfect for you. What you weren’t used to was having someone beside you too as you made yourself comfortable.

“Are you falling asleep right now?” Shawn chuckled.

“I’m just resting my eyes.” you mumbled heading leaning back against the headrest, eyes closed. “Don’t worry, I’ll be plenty well rested for sex later.”

“Yea...Okay.”

*thirty minutes later*

“Honey, wake up.”

“Mmmm...No.”

“No?”

“No. I’m comfy, Ti. Leave me alone.” You whined snuggling deeper into her shoulder.

“As much as I have a feeling Tianna could kick my ass, I don’t think our biceps quite look alike. I am definitely not Ti.”

Your eyes popped open in shock alerting you to the fact that you wrapped your whole fucking body around this man’s arm and he had done nothing to stop you. The gal! The injustice!

“What are you doing? Why did you let me do that?” You gasped detangling yourself from his grasp.

He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t ‘let’ you do anything. Your body tends to have a mind of its own. Apparently even in slumber. We’re here though, princess.”

Sure enough the hotel is there staring back at you from the window. You had really fallen asleep. And he had let you.

“Shit. Okay. Let’s go.”

The hotel room is neat and pristine. You won’t be there nearly long enough to do any damage to it. Shawn places his duffle next to yours and starts his routine that he always does at night. His watch comes off. The bracelet. The rings. And it is insane the effect that it has on your body. Your spine straightens. And he turns to look at you over his shoulder, curls extra fluffy without any product in it, and it just runs through your body like a fucking current.

He makes his way over to you and his fingers skim your chin like it’s fine. Like he’s not shirtless in front of you with a six pack and perfect wisps of chest hair. You kind of wanna ask him if the women he sleeps with ever don’t want to get undressed in front of him, but then a yawn leaves your lips and that thought gets left far behind, along with the moment.

He smiled at you softly and tapped your cheek.

“Look you’re exhausted. Why don’t we just wait for the morning. It’s no big deal.”

You wrapped your hand around his wrist to keep him with you.

“It’s fine. I swear.”

He shook his head. “No. It’s really not. Let’s go to bed.”

“Shawn--”

“I said consent at all times didn’t I?” He interrupted. “You’re too tired to consent. We’re not doing it.”

Too tired to consent. That was certainly a new one.

But the way that he settled himself into his side of the bed told you negotiation wasn’t an option. And you were fucking exhausted. So, you crawled beneath the blankets and let your body relax for only the second time that night. How odd for it to be that both of those times were because of Shawn? And what the hell did that mean?

His scent was in your sheets. It was on your skin and in your nose. He was there. This all consuming force that just seemed to fill the space around him infinitely. To the point where you barely felt like you fit in the bed beside him. And yet he sometimes looked so small that you wondered how he could ever fill any space at all. You couldn’t ignore the look on his face in the green room. The exhaustion. The smallness. What was up with that? And why were you thinking of him so damn much anyway?

“You’ve gotta shut your mind down to actually fall asleep.” Shawn mumbled from somewhere in the dark.

You rolled your eyes. “Thank you for mansplaining sleep to me.”

“I’m not--just...Look, what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing. What makes you think there’s something on my mind?” You asked defensively.

“I just can hear you fucking thinking from all the other way over here. Why do you have to be so stubborn all the time?”

“I’m not stubborn!”

You had one of those out of body experiences where you actually hear yourself speak, and it subsequently proved his point. Rude.

“It’s genetic.” You murmured softly. “Sorry. I guess I uh I’m just not used to having someone else sleep in bed with me.”

“Well thank you. We fall asleep after fucking most times though?”

“Yes well there’s a difference between being fucked into a coma and just lying beside the person.”

He took a deep breath. “Do you want me to leave? I can just go get another room.”

“No it’s fine! It’s fine. I swear. I’m just...adjusting.”

“Fine. You...adjust, then. I’ll try not to breathe too much and disturb you.”

It was a long night.

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

The sun fills the room and it’s a complete and utter nuisance to him. Too early. Too bright. Too not cuddly. So he snuggles his face back into the warmth and ignores it for a little while longer. It’s the most well rested he’s felt in months. So well rested that he doesn’t want to leave, doesn’t want to be without this warmth that he’s never felt before. And why would he? Why would he ever want to leave this?

He opens his eyes and all that he sees in brown. Cocoa brown with deep red undertones that light up beneath the sunrays. It’s the first time he’s ever woken up before her, her mental clock seeming to always pull her out of bed before his dick is even awake let alone his mind. The fact that she’s asleep is a miracle within itself. The fact that he gets to look at her while she does it feels like maybe a little extra miracle on the side.

There’s a freckle on the divet in the small of her back that he’s never noticed before. Her bonnet to cover her hair is the same color as her nails and there’s a part of him that needs to know if it was a conscious decision or not. Knowing y/n, it could go either way. The covers had slid down her back and he’d wrapped himself around her at some point in the night. And it was somehow the best night sleep he’d had in so long. No sex. No ropes. No lube. Just sleep.

He wasn’t dumb. Something was different. Something had been different from the very beginning. His hooks up didn’t sleep over. He didn’t fly to anyone, ever. Hell, he didn’t even drive to anyone. Uber was practically part of his foreplay in life. How the fuck did he end up in miami grabing her waist while Ariana Grande scerenaded them by fucking moonlight? He didn’t do this. He didn’t grab hips if he wasn’t fucking. He didn’t tell a woman he’d rather sleep then have sex with them. He needed to end this. And fast.

However . . . she was still asleep. And the sun was still just coming up. So what was really the harm in lying there a little longer? He pressed his arm back over her waist, thumb rubbing smoothly into the skin of her tummy. He’d get up in just a minute, would end it in just a minute. For sure.

*three days later*

“I will be back in less than a week.” She says.

“It will be over in no time.” She says.

“Stop fucking biting my thighs while I’m answering work emails!” She says.

After a break full of rushing her off to different rooms with locks on them in the venues so he could get his head between her thighs, it was finally over. His dad had finally called to ask why the hell his new Director of Talent Management was nowhere to be fucking found. It was time for him to leave, which meant days before he would see her again. Which was fine. Totally fine.

“So hear me out,” He argued as they drove to the final venue, he’d get to see her out. “I just think maybe Tianna should be taking me into account when she’s making your schedule. That’s all.”

She snorted. “I am not going to ask that woman to schedule dick appointments for you.”

“They’re not for just me! I’m thinking of you here too. Had I not taken off from my busy schedule to come to Miami, you might have actually combusted.”

“Women can go longer than twelve hours without sex Shawn. It’s yall who act like the world will explode if somebody doesn’t touch your dick for two seconds.”

He rolled his eyes at her. “I’m just saying it might be nice to know that you’re gonna be gone for weeks on end, ya know?”

She peered over at him from her phone where she’d been working away. She seemed to work harder and longer than anyone he’d ever met. Even more than his dad, which is explained why he couldn’t stand her.

“You could always...hook up with someone else while I’m away.” She said.

Her eyes are curious, watchful. There’s something behind the question that she’s asking, but he doesn’t know that on account of him being stupid. All he knew was that women didn’t just offer up the opportunity to sleep with other people. Even his past hook ups grew easily attached. It was his main reason for never repeating. Who was this woman?

“What makes you think I’m not, already?” He asked trying to match her eye contact.

She bit her lip. “The fact that you’re here right now.”

“Are you...hooking up with other people?”

“What if I was?”

He broke his gaze, not having it in him to keep staring at her. She was definitely stronger than him there.

“Whatever. Wouldn’t matter. ‘Snot like we’re together.”

She nodded. “Exactly.”

“Yea, exactly.”

The rest of the ride is silent. She was getting dropped off at her venue to continue on with Ariana through the rest of the week. He was heading back for NYC to get back to work. It would be a few more days before she flew back home. But, that was alright. He could wholeheartedly find other things to fill out his day. He didn’t need her at all.

The car pulls up to the arena and she pauses before she exits the car. She looks back at him like she’s waiting for something, like she expects him to say anything else. He doesn’t know what to say, just completely goes blank under her stare. She smiles at him.

“Goodbye, Shawn.”

“Bye, y/n.”

***

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a-butterfly-on-his-tummy · 5 years ago

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Welcome to the 13th day of the Summer Themed prompts put on by the lovely @always-jackedup!! Thank you so much for including me!! I am super excited to share this moment between Harry and Grace. I hope you enjoy what I came up with.

Summer Baby: Y/N and Harry are expecting their first baby during the summertime.

“Hello?” You say, after bringing the phone to your ear.

“Hey, just letting you know I am home and safe.” Anne says through the line. “How is everything going with Grace?”

“Oh yes. Both Harry and I are pretty exhausted but I think that’s how things are with a week old baby.” You reply. “I mean she is a pretty content, but she likes to be fed quite often during the night.”

“Everyone will adjust in no time.” Anne comments, smiling at the memories of Harry and Gemma being that small. “Thank you for allowing me to come and help for the last little bit. I’m missing our little bug already.”

“The pleasure is ours. We appreciate all of your help.” You look down at your child who is feeding away with her eyes closed. “We will FaceTime you after she wakes up from her nap.”

“Sounds lovely. Speak soon. Love you all.” Anne responds hanging up the phone. Placing your phone on the nightstand you rock softly back and forth while Grace eats quietly.

Grace pulls back from your breast as her mouth hangs open. Her eyes are closed peacefully while she dreams of summertimes and butterflies. Tucking yourself away, you rock your sweet baby girl back and forth, listening to her beautiful sleeping noises.

Standing from the rocking chair, you pad quietly across the room, placing Grace in her crib, tucking the soft flowered muslin blanket under her legs as she is still swaddled like a burrito. Kissing her head softly, you turn on the noise machine and leave her room, allowing the door to stay open just a crack.

Yawning, you stretch your arms above your head as you lazily make your way into the bedroom where Harry is reading a book on your bed. His legs are crossed and his feet rub against each other softly.

“Did she go down alright?” Harry asks, placing the newest romance he is reading in his lap.

“Yes. She was hungry and tired I think.” You smile, walking towards the dresser to pull out a new set of underwear. “Didn’t take her very long. Once she ate it only took her maybe five minutes or so.” You place your fresh underwear on the bed and make your way to the closet where you pull out a tour t-shirt from Harry’s first tour, and a pair of soft shorts. Picking up your underwear on the bed, you hold them close to your chest.

“I’m glad she went down easy. Gonna go shower?” He asks his wife who looks as if she could sleep for a week straight.

“Yea, figured I should take advantage of the small window of alone time while she sleeps.” Your smile is small, tired, and a little weak as you reply to his question.

“Go relax. I’ll listen for her. We will be here when you get back.” Harry waves you off towards the bathroom, giving the sense of relief that he has this under control.

“Thank you. I shouldn’t be too long.” You state, making your way to the bathroom.

“Hey.” Harry says, stopping you in your journey to relaxation. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You respond, attempting to pick up your heart that is now in a puddle so you can go and shower.

The bathroom door closes and Harry lifts the book from his lap and returns to reading. His mind keeps drifting towards the monitor that is placed on his nightstand. Did she make a noise? He sits and waits. Nah, I think she is okay. His eyes move back to the page and he reads another sentence. Maybe I should just… no, she is okay. Let her nap. He attempts to read over the sentence he just finished. I guess if I’m quiet I can just see if she is okay. His mind convinces him to place his book down on the nightstand and make his way towards his daughter’s room.

The soft light that glows from his nightlight makes the room feel warm and cozy. Harry closes the door, so that there is only a small crack between the nursery and the hallway. His feet creep quietly across the carpet towards the crib where Grace is sound asleep. Soft snores leave her lips as she lays comfortably swaddled in her bed.

Standing next to the crib. Harry reaches in to grab her but pulls back his arms because he knows he shouldn’t wake her. After all she just went to sleep. His finger reaches out without conscious thought and caresses her plump soft cheeks; her lips twitch in a half smile at the feeling against her face.

Unable to control himself, his arms move forward into the crib, lifting the sweet angel into his arms. “Come here, Bug. Daddy’s got ya.” His voice is a soft whisper as he brings the little one to his shoulder, rocking his body back and forth slowly, attempting to keep her asleep.

Bouncing softly, Harry makes his way towards the rocking chair, sitting down and leaning back into the soft cushions. Harry moves his daughter into his arms and slowly rocks back and forth as if he has been doing this his whole life.

Grace nuzzles into Harry’s arm and her snores merge with the noise that is playing on her sound machine. Looking down at his daughter, Harry begins to think.

“You know, little bug. You have changed our lives.” His voice is between a whisper and a soft comforting sound.

“In a lot of ways, I think bringing you into this world was a lot like birthing my first album.” Tucking a soft blonde curl behind her ear, Harry continues to talk about the similarities between the two things.

“Just like my first album, or any solo album I’ve done. Wait, let me explain what an album is. I’m jumping too far ahead.” Harry takes a deep breath before explaining his career. “I am a musician. That means I make music. That’s my job. I write songs, and I put them together to create something called an album. Maybe when you wake up from your nap we can listen to my first solo album. It’s pretty good if I do say so myself.” Harry smiles, proud of his achievement and the fact that he created something so magical. Grace lets out a tiny noise, confirming to Harry that she will enjoy listening to his album after waking from her nap.

“So as I was saying, birthing an album is a lot like bringing you into our family. I remember how scared I was, to put something out in the world for everyone to hear and see. And if I’m honest, it scares me to put you out in the world, bug. With my job, you know what, even if I didn’t have the job I do, I think I would be scared. The world can be an unkind place. Just like I want to protect my emotions, stories and music. I want to protect you. Keep you safe. Let you be Grace, and not let the world say anything negative towards you.” Harry looks down at his perfect child. Her skin is flawless, her eyelashes are long, and her features are beautiful. She makes his heart warm.

“When I put out my first album, I had one goal. To make something I would enjoy listening to. I already know that I love you more than anything, so that’s not a worry for me. I remember people saying how much my album changed their lives. Gracie Bug, you will change lives. I can feel it. You have only been here a week, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that you have changed my life for the better. I can’t wait to see the way you make the world a better place.”

Grace takes in a deep breath, releasing the air in a big huff. Her lips beg to move in a sucking motion as she starts to soothe herself back into her dream.

“I also think that making an album was a grand adventure. I already have so many adventures planned with you, my love. We will go on trips, maybe get a dog, do charity projects, make creations in the kitchen, paint pictures, maybe we will even create an album together. The Adventures are endless and we will create them for years to come.”

Harry is silent for a minute as he rocks his daughter back and forth, keeping her calm and asleep in his arms.

“I want you to know Grace, just like my first album, when another brother or sister comes along, or albums 2, 3 or 4, I want you to know that you are always loved. I promise to love you all the same, to enjoy memories and adventures with each of you no differently than with the others. You will always be special to me. Never forget that.” Running his finger down her cheek, Grace nuzzles into his hand making his heart melt into a puddle of warm butter.

“I love you, Bug. You have made my life better. Thanks for making me a daddy.” Harry’s head whips towards the door as the crack grows bigger, revealing your face with a massive smile.

“Couldn’t let her sleep alone?” You ask, chuckling softly, because you know that you have done the same thing.

“Nah. Just wanted to have a little chat. Make sure she understands how much I love her.” Harry gazes back at his daughter, snuggled closely to his body. Content.

“Harry, I can tell you that if Grace can feel half the love you have for her, she will have enough love to last three lifetimes.” You smile, rubbing his arm softly. “She is loved. And she can feel it. Look at that face. She knows.” Harry smiles at you after taking in Grace’s sweet beautiful face.

“You are right. Our daughter is very loved.” He says.

“Alright. Put her back in her crib and come give me cuddles. I need a nap too.” You giggle at your joke that isn’t really a joke.

“Just give me 5 more minutes. I want to soak these in.” He says. You kiss his forehead and leave the room, allowing your husband and child to have a few more minutes of cuddle time together.

#Summer Baby #The Adventures of Harry and Grace #Harry Styles fan fic #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry fluff #dad harry #fluff

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drinkthepoisonedchalice · 4 years ago

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You have (1) new message

This ficlet was done in response to @writethisacc on twitter for their prompt “you have 1 new message”

Jeongguk had fucked up. At this point it was just a fact. The sky was blue, the grass was green, and Jeongguk had almost ended his own marriage. So, when Jimin had texted him that he was coming back to Korea, Jeongguk had understandably gone a little overboard. He’d stayed up almost the whole night cleaning the house. He’d showered and shaved for the first time in probably too long. He’d laundered every single piece of clothing in his closet just so it would all smell fresh and then proceeded to spend the next six hours stressing over what he was going to wear. For the first time in four months, Jimin and their daughter would be back on Korean soil and Jeongguk would rather die than mess this up.

In a rare act of self-awareness, Jeongguk had known he’d fucked up the morning after he’d done it, basically as soon as he’d woken up, still incredibly hung over on Seokjin’s couch, and checked twitter. The video had been all over his timeline. Blurry and dimly lit though it was, it was most definitely him, kissing one of the cute Omega song writers from his company on the same couch he had later passed out on. His inbox was completely full, but at the time he’d opened the only message he’d cared about, a single line from Jimin stating, “I’m coming home.”

Jimin had been in Daegu at the time, just a small stop on the tour that his dance company was performing around Korea. It wasn’t a long tour, just a little over two months, which was the whole reason Jimin had agreed to go. They’d talked about it extensively before he’d left, weighing how much Jimin wanted to take this once in a lifetime opportunity versus how much he would miss his mate and their daughter. At the time, Jeongguk had urged him to go, told him that everything would be fine. He just hadn’t realized how lonely he would become.

It was a shitty excuse, he’d known that from the beginning. He’d been tired, working and taking care of their daughter on his own. When his parents had offered to watch Eunmi for the night so he could go to Seokjin’s party and relax he’d eagerly taken them up on it. When Jiyoung, one of the writers who had helped him with his latest album, had leaned in from their conversation and kissed him, he had kissed her back. He was lonely, he was drunk, and in the morning he’d hated himself more than words could say.

Jimin had gotten back into town that afternoon, leaving his dance crew back in Daegu to finish their tour without him. Jeongguk had been at home with Eunmi at the time but Jimin hadn’t even spoken to him as he began rooting around their bedroom, throwing clothes into a suitcase before doing the same thing in Eunmi’s room. Jeongguk had demanded to know what he was doing, growing more and more desperate as Jimin continued his task in silence until he was practically screaming at his mate as he followed him around the house.

“If I even speak to you right now,” Jimin had finally said as he zipped his suitcase closed, “I know I’ll say something that I’ll regret.”

“Where are you going?” Jeongguk had begged to know as Jimin dragged two suitcases and a crying Eunmi out the door all on his own.

“We’re going to stay with my aunt,” Jimin had said, and without another word the two of them were gone.

For four months they stayed with Jimin’s aunt in a small New England town. Jeongguk knew part of it was because Jimin was an easy target for the press, who were all rabid to know what the famous singer’s mate thought about his infidelity. The other part was harder to think about, the part where Jimin couldn’t even see Jeongguk’s face without breaking down into angry tears.

For the first month Jimin refused to take his calls. Once a week Jimin’s aunt would call him so he could talk to Eunmi, but as soon as he began asking after Jimin the call would be disconnected. For the next three months Jimin began sparingly accepting his calls. During that time Jeongguk cried on at least five different occasions while on the phone with Jimin, twice to the point where he actually threw up and had to listen to Jimin’s panicked voice from where his phone had dropped to the floor while his head was stuck in the toilet. They’d mended things somewhat, at least the point where Jeongguk no longer cried while they were on the phone and Jimin no longer yelled. A month ago Jimin had told him that he was no longer angry, he was just tired and sad, and Jeongguk honestly wasn’t sure if that was worse or not.

Jimin had texted him though, so Jeongguk was here at the airport, two hours before Jimin’s flight was scheduled to land just in case they were early. He didn’t know what Jimin’s plans were once they were back, whether they were actually coming home, whether he was back because he wanted to fix things, but whatever it was Jeongguk was ready to be the best mate he could possibly be. He had spent the past four months in their house drowning in his own scent of loneliness and despair. He was ready for whatever olive branch Jimin was willing to extend, no matter what form it came in.

Once Jimin’s plane was announced to have landed Jeongguk could no longer sit still, a feat that he was barely managing before. He stood near the off-boarding gate and shifted from foot to foot. After hours of agonizing over his appearance he had gone with just a pair of jeans and the soft maroon sweater Jimin had given him, leaving his hair soft and down just like how he normally wore it around the house. As Namjoon often said, there were many faces inside each person, and right now Jeongguk was just a father and a mate and a sad, desperate Alpha and nothing more than that.

He saw Eunmi before he saw anyone else. The five year old was bolting right for him, pigtails bouncing as she squealed, “daddy!” and threw herself into his arms. Even though Jeongguk had crouched down to catch her he nearly toppled over as she barrelled into him, just barely managing to keep both of them upright. Immediately he was surrounded by the scent of milk and honey that all children carried, though this scent had become so foreign to him over the past months that it felt nearly overwhelming now. Jeongguk buried his nose in his daughter’s hair as he held her tightly to his chest, doing his best to hold in the tears that threatened to spill. He’d missed her, god he’d missed her so much.

By the time Jeongguk was standing back up with Eunmi securely in his arms Jimin was walking out of the gate. He looked good, tired, skinnier than when Jeongguk had last seen him, but in Jeongguk’s eyes he was stunning. He had a loose hoodie on and Eunmi’s pink princess book bag thrown over one shoulder but Jeongguk felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest as Jimin greeted him with a soft, “Jeonggukie,” and gently brushed their cheeks together. It was a casual greeting between mates, as if Jimin had simply been at work all day and now he was home, but Jeongguk felt like he couldn’t breathe, the only thing keeping his knees from giving out being the knowledge that he would drop his daughter if they did.

“Minnie,” Jeongguk’s voice cracked. He wouldn’t cry in the middle of the airport, he wouldn’t. “How was your flight?”

Jimin shrugged. Most of his hair was hidden under a beanie, but from the little bit that stuck out over his forehead Jeongguk could tell he had dyed it back to black. “It was okay. There was a lot of turbulence though, so Eunmi didn’t sleep much.” Which of course meant that Jimin hadn’t slept either.

“We can go home then if you’d like to rest,” Jeongguk suggested, “or we could go eat something- I mean, um, did you eat breakfast on the plane? Like, are you hungry?”

Jimin gave him a small smile. Jeongguk babbled when he was nervous, but it had been years since he had done so because of Jimin. “They had breakfast but we didn’t eat anything.”

Eunmi patted Jeongguk on the shoulder to get his attention. “They had the bread with the cheese in it.”

“Ah, I see,” Jeongguk nodded. She meant that they had pastries with cream cheese, which were one of the many foods that Eunmi still refused to eat. “Well we can go get some breakfast, or we could go home and I could make something. I know we’ve got eggs at least, or if you would rather something like cereal or-”

“We should go somewhere,” Jimin said before Jeongguk could ramble himself hoarse. “We just need to get our luggage first.”

“Yea, yea, of course,” Jeongguk agreed. He led his little family down to baggage claim where he insisted on holding Eunmi while also helping Jimin with the luggage. Once they got to the car Jeongguk drove them to a little cafe not far from their house that they sometimes used to frequent on the weekends. They let Eunmi get a small bottle of chocolate milk to go with her banana bread, and Jeongguk and Jimin both picked at a blueberry muffin, neither of them holding much of an appetite. It was nice though, just sitting across from Jimin while their daughter ate and talked about all the movies she watched on the plane ride over, their fingers brushing occasionally while they reached for the same crumbling pastry.

Jimin didn’t talk much as they ate, simply letting Eunmi and Jeongguk fill the silences. Jeongguk could feel his anxiety growing as Jimin remained in silence. There were many reasons for Jimin to not want to talk, he was likely tired and jet lagged, maybe he just didn’t have anything to say, but Jeongguk couldn’t help the way that his mind flooded with insecurities. Had Jimin come home just for Eunmi? Had he done it because he wanted a divorce? Without any reassurances from his mate Jeongguk could feel himself growing increasingly agitated, his heel bouncing under the table, his fingers shredding the napkin in his lap.

On the car ride home Eunmi quickly began to doze, belly full of milk and bread and finally surrounded by both her parents’ scents again. Jimin let Jeongguk put her to bed once they arrived at their house, waving the Alpha off when he insisted he could help with their bags as well. Something settled inside Jeongguk’s chest as he laid his daughter down under her soft pink comforter, inside his home, under his care. His Alpha was no longer lonesome and bereft, mourning an empty nest.

When he came back into the living room Jimin was there, pacing around the place, refamiliarizing himself with it. Jeongguk had been meticulous in his cleaning, there wasn’t a hair out of place, though that left it devoid of any signs of life. He stopped when he saw Jeongguk, his brown eyes tired but open.

Jeongguk swallowed, rubbing his hands together. “I’m sure you want to talk.”

He watched as Jimin’s shoulders slumped, his mouth turned down at the corners. “All we’ve done for the past three months is talk. I just- I just want to be with you right now. If that’s okay.”

Jeongguk bit his lower lip to keep it from trembling. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

“I feel like I haven’t been in my nest in forever,” Jimin admitted, but Jeongguk knew even before Jimin entered their bedroom that he wouldn't want to be in his nest. Jeongguk had had to completely strip the room of any scents after he had drowned it in the smell of heartbroken, lonely Alpha. In doing so, the room no longer smelled like either of them, and Jeongguk could read Jimin’s distaste clearly on his face. Their nest would have to be completely rescented before Jimin could rest easily inside, a task that would take more energy than the Omega had at the moment.

They ended up on the couch instead, Jimin’s head pillowed against Jeongguk’s shoulder as he told him to just put whatever he wanted on the TV. For a moment it reminded Jeongguk of when they were back in college, when Jimin would come home from a long day of dance practise and collapse against Jeongguk on the couch, watching him play Smash Bros or Overwatch until he fell asleep and would nap until dinner. This time Jeongguk put on one of those soothing baking shows with the volume down low to help Jimin fall asleep. Tentatively he wrapped an arm around Jimin’s waist, finally relaxing when his mate didn’t protest the touch.

“Mimi,” he asked as Jimin’s eyes began to droop, “you’re- you’re staying, right? You’re not gonna leave again?”

“You know I want to stay, Kkyu,” Jimin murmured, nuzzling into Jeongguk’s shoulder. “Just don’t give me a reason to leave again.”

Jeongguk turned his face into the top of Jimin’s head, taking in his soft vanilla scent as he tried to swallow down the lump in his throat. “I won’t, baby, I promise I won’t. I’m gonna be the kind of mate you deserve.”

Jimin took Jeongguk’s free hand in both of his own so he could play with the Alpha’s fingers. “It’s not about deserve. I just want you to be someone who loves me.”

Jeongguk squeezed his eyes shut. “I do. Jimin, I love you so much, I really do.”

Jimin pressed a soft kiss to Jeongguk’s knuckles. “I know. I believe you.”

#jikook #kookmin #ficlet

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