#really scream sakuatsu to me ya know???
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okay I’ve been meaning to ask you this for DAYS but now I’m here bother you AND ask this
since you seem like a fellow swiftie, are there any songs off Midnights that make you think of Sakusa, Atsumu, and/or SakuAtsu? Also what are some songs of hers in general you associate with them?
anywho I adore you, sprinkling love and kisses on your forehead 💖
my 13 years as a taylor swift fan has been prepping me for this. let’s GO
midnights
labryinth - (so far this is all i have to offer from this album cause listening to new music is overwhelming so i can only handle a few new songs at a time) this song reminds me of sakusa. the pain of realizing that you have feelings for someone and that they’re Big Feelings is so hard and i think sakusa is definitely one to be like “fuck bro not again this sucks” when he likes someone. especially since it was fucking atsumu that he fell in love with, poor omi can’t catch a break. the resignation from the beginning of the song with the line “i’ll be getting over you my whole life”. it’s as if he immediately writes it off as something that would be impossible. something that’s not for him. he doesn’t think he gets to have that, and definitely not with atsumu. so immediately he’s just like ‘okay so i guess i’ll spend the rest of my life trying to get over this loser’ without even thinking of what could be if he gave it a chance. the line “you know how much i hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back” also just feels so sakusa to me. when things bother him, people brush it off and expect him to get over it quickly, never giving him time to process and recover from things. the line “you would break your back to make me break a smile” just screams sakuatsu because atsumu just wants to break through omis icy bitchy exterior to his icy bitchy interior <3
evermore
gold rush - oooooh man sakusa sakusa sakusa. “i don’t like anticipating my face in a red flush.” and “i don’t like that falling feels like flying till the bone crush” and “at dinner parties i call you out on your contrarian shit” is very much in character with him. the slight annoyance at blushing or being flustered around someone you like because oh my god how embarassing but also the fear of falling in love because it always feels so good until suddenly it doesn’t. onto the next, “cause it fades into the gray of my day old tea, cause it will never be” this line is similar to the part in labyrinth i mentioned. just the resignation here in accepting that this is a love that could never possibly happen
folklore
this is me trying - this song reminds me of sakusa a lot. I think he tries really hard and in relationships sometimes it may seem like he isn’t trying but he’s always giving his all.
mirrorball - i think this couples really well with ‘this is me trying’ but i think mirrorball is from atsumus pov. he doesn’t change himself for others but i think he thrives on attention and having focus on him. i think he struggles when it seems like sakusa doesn’t pay attention to him at first and I think it’s one of the first times in his life he considers changing who he is to try and get sakusa to like him. obviously he doesn’t change who he is and sakusa still ends up liking him anyway so it works out fine but yea
lover
daylight - this song makes me think of sakusa. the initial negative pessimistic outlook on love, life, people in general at the beginning contrasted with the end of the song where everything is bright and golden…… yea it’s giving sakuatsu <3
paper rings - i don’t have much to say about this one other than it makes me think of them and it’s fun and silly and i like that for them
afterglow - i think they have arguments bc they are both stubborn and assholes but i think they come together in the end to work things out
lover - the domesticity of this song just has a special place in my heart. the line “have i known you 20 seconds or 20 years” makes me think about how they met when they were kids at the training camps and then met again later in life when they both were on the same team, but things were different and they had grown up. “take me out and take me home” makes me think about how they would probably go out for little date nights but would ultimately go home together and spend time there too because sakusa is more of a homebody. the whole bridge of lover sounds like a speech that atsumu gives at the table when they have a dinner party with all their friends or something. like he just stands up and says all of that like it’s a wedding toast cause he’s over dramatic and loves kiyoomi so so much. the line “and at every table i’ll save you a seat” makes me think about how kiyoomi doesn’t like to be near other people so atsumu will save a seat next to him because he’s comfortable around him. also the “you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me” reminds me of them bc they’re both foul and rotten and i think it fits them
i think he knows - GOD this song is SO atsumu are you fucking kidding me. the DRAMA of the song and overreacting is so him. “wanna see what’s under that attitude” that is so so so atsumu @ kiyoomi are u fucking kidding me like he’s such a little shit about it too
reputation
gorgeous - the line “you should take it as a compliment that i got drunk and made fun of the way you talk” sakusa definitely got wasted and bullied atsumu for his accent. “you should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong” sakusa definitely blames atsumu for making him fall in love LMAO. the line “there’s nothing i hate more than what i can’t have” yea of course sakusa kiyoomi, a youngest sibling, would say some shit like that smh.
1989
you are in love - the way this song frames loves makes me think of them. the unspoken “i love you”s that can be felt even if it is left unsaid reminds me of their dynamic. the line “one night he wakes, strange look on his face, pauses, then says ‘you’re my best friend’” !!!!! this line is so important to me !!! growing up, atsumus best friend was always osamu cause obviously ya know but there comes a point where atsumu is like ‘holy shit i think you’re one of my best friends’ to sakusa and i just think it’s a weird realization for both of them because they both know how telling and meaningful that is.
debut
teardrops on my guitar - i just think atsumu is dramatic and he would listen to this song and think about sakusa while he’s pining LMAO
whew that was probably WAY more than you bargained for but i have So Many thoughts about them !!! i will never shut up !! but thank you for asking and i hope you enjoy reading my analyses <3
#i think i got most of them but i may have forgotten some oopsies#i wish there were more of her older songs that reminded me of them bc speak now and red are like…. my favorite albums but none of them#really scream sakuatsu to me ya know???#it’s also so funny that u ask bc i was literally writing essays in isa’s DMs earlier today about sakuatsu and labryinth 💀#anyway. thank u again for asking me this i have literally been thinking about this all day and working on it for hours#should i drop my sakuatsu spotify playlist 🤭 should i do it 🤭#reymbles#here’s the mail it never fails 💌#evie !!#evelyncwrites
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sakuatsu | photogenic omi
Kiyoomi doesn't take selfies. He doesn't know how to take pictures of himself. And he doesn't like being on camera in general. But he's so fucking photogenic it's unfair.
Atsumu keeps trying (and failing miserably) to get a stolen photo of Kiyoomi mid-sneeze or mid-any activity that would normally make a person look unattractive. He's asked teammates to help spook Kiyoomi into screaming or just make him even the tiniest bit scared or disturbed.
And it works. So to speak. Atsumu captures all of these photos on his phones but in every single one of them Kiyoomi looks so ethereally beautiful it's really really really unfair. The gods must have been playing favorites when Kiyoomi was born.
And so now he has a heaping folder full of Kiyoomi's pictures in his phone to rival Suna's own collection of blackmail materials on the twins.
There's a few videos in there too from the times he tried to dare Kiyoomi to do stupid things like "Hey, Omi. Taste this." But Kiyoomi merely says "No." And that was that.
It was a failed prank and yet why can't he get himself to delete the damn video? Or any of the other videos and pictures he's collected of the curly-haired spiker? It's an absolute waste of storage space. None of them were meme materials anyway.
But still his phone storage remains full of "useless" Kiyoomi pics and vids.
It's during a team bonding dinner when Atsumu is exposed for the hoarder (?) stalker (?) that he truly is.
He's saying something about this video he found on the internet of a foreign league team's attack formation they should definitely try out. "Wait lemme show ya guys."
He pulls out his phone from his pocket and opens his gallery. Scrolling through hundreds and hundreds of photos of Kiyoomi.
Maybe he's a little bit tipsy from the wine they've been drinking because he doesn't think to hide his screen until Hinata says, "Why do you have a lot of photos of Omi-san?"
Atsumu goes completely still. Their entire table turns to look at Atsumu.
"What the fuck, Miya?"
It's only then he remembers that Kiyoomi is literally sitting on his other side.
Atsumu closes his phone immediately and puts it back in his pocket. He turns to face Kiyoomi with both hands raised. "I swear it's not ya think, Omi-kun! I'm not a stalker. I was going to delete them I swear!"
"Then why didn't you?" Kiyoomi asks.
"Yeah, Atsumu-kun," Inunaki pipes in from the far end of the table with a mischievous grin.
"Why didn't you?"
Atsumu glares over at Inunaki but only gets a wink return.
"Miya," Kiyoomi calls, turning Atsumu's attention back to him.
Atsumu swallows as he begins to nervously fiddle with his fingers. "It's just— I was—"
Kiyoomi looks at him expectantly as he waits for him to continue.
Those endless pits of dark eyes staring at him. Eyes he has occasionally stared at in the middle of the night from his captured photos every time he goes through them with the intention of finally deleting each and every piece but never did.
"I just think yer really pretty, okay?!" Atsumu huffs, crossing his arms across his chest. "There I said it. I think it's really unfair that I can't get a single bad photo of ya."
A beat. And then Kiyoomi furrows his eyebrows in confusion or in anger, Atsumu can't tell.
"That can't be true," Kiyoomi says.
"Oh, don't try to be modest with me, Omi-kun."
"I'm not," Kiyoomi insists. "Motoya has loads of embarassing pictures of me in his phones."
"Yer lying. That's impossible. I don't believe ya. I've literally been trying for MONTHS. None of them were bad."
Kiyoomi looks like he wants to argue further but before he can Inunaki says, "And you still have every single one of these so-called 'failed attempts' at stolen photos of Sakusa?"
Atsumu nods. "Yeah, but—"
"Then let's see them!" Inunaki suggests.
"What?" Atsumu exclaims.
"We'll be the judge. If Sakusa really is photogenic or—"
"Or what?" Kiyoomi asks.
Inunaki smirks as if he's fallen into his trap. "Or if Atsumu's eyes are a little biased."
After much cajoling from the rest of the team, Atsumu surrenders his phone for review of his Omi collection.
And he's surprised to find their teammates laughing at a lot of them. "Oh my god, Sakusa. Your face!"
They scroll through the endless gallery, pointing and laughing as Kiyoomi gets progressively redder. "Alright, that's enough," Kiyoomi says, voice clipped from a mix of annoyance and embarrassment. He gets up from his seat and leaves.
"Omi-kun, wait!" Whether he had heard him or is deliberately ignoring him, Kiyoomi continues to make his way towards the exit.
Atsumu curses to himself as he stands up and collects his phone from his still ogling teammates. "Gimme my phone. I gotta go!"
They reluctantly return his phone and he books it to the direction Kiyoomi went. He sees Kiyoomi standing outside of the restaurant, looking at something on his phone.
"Omi-kun."
Kiyoomi looks up at him as if he's been expecting him.
"I'm so sorry about the team. And the photos. I swear. Ya can watch me do it right now—" He goes to fish out his phone from his pocket.
But then Kiyoomi says, "Miya, there's no need."
Atsumu looks up at Kiyoomi in confusion. "Huh? Whaddya mean there's no need?"
Kiyoomi smiles then he lifts up his own phone to show his screen. "Because I think you're really pretty too."
It takes a moment for the words to register into Atsumu's brain because he's too busy gawking at the picture he's seeing on Kiyoomi's phone screen.
Set as his wallpaper is a picture of Atsumu sleeping, most likely on the bus after an away game. His head is leaning on Kiyoomi's shoulder. There's slight drool coming out of his mouth.
"Omi-kun, when did ya take this?" He asks.
Kiyoomi shrugs nonchalantly but the slight flush in his ears easily gives him away. "Some time ago," he says vaguely.
"And how long have ya had this as yer wallpaper?"
Kiyoomi pockets his phone. "Does it matter?"
"I guess not."
They stare at each other for what seems like forever before Kiyoomi tilts his head to the side with a raised eyebrow. "So?"
"Huh? Whaddya mean?"
Kiyoomi rolls his eyes. "Really, Miya?"
Now Atsumu is really confused. "What?!"
Kiyoomi groans. "You really are stupid."
"Hey!"
Kiyoomi turns to look at him, expression serious and black obsidian eyes boring into his very soul. "I like you, Miya. Hence, the wallpaper."
Atsumu's eyes widen at the confession. Kiyoomi continues, "Unless you really are a stalker, I'm assuming you feel the same with the hundreds of photos you're keeping of me in your phone."
Atsumu doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say. Kiyoomi likes him.
And Kiyoomi is telling him that Atsumu likes him back? Is that why he can't delete the damn photos?
His silence must've gotten to Kiyoomi because he takes a step back. "If I assumed wrong, then I apologize. You don't have to feel obligated to—"
"No!" Atsumu blurts. "I mean, yeah. I like ya too, Omi-kun. I just... I didn't realize it until now."
"Seriously?" Kiyoomi asks.
"Shut up!"
Kiyoomi laughs at that as he slowly closes the distance between them. "You really are an idiot, you know that?"
"Well, ya like me anyway so that makes ya dumber than me!"
Kiyoomi shakes his head but he's smiling and he's leaning towards Atsumu. Atsumu reaches forward and their lips collide in a searing kiss.
When they pull back, Atsumu says with a smirk, "I can't believe ya find me cute while I'm drooling on ya."
Kiyoomi grumbles. "I don't know what you're talking about."
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please share the sakuatsu recs!!!
OHOHOOOO IT WOULD BE MY ABSOLUTE PLEASURE, MY FRIEND!!
please make sure to read the tags on each fic before reading, to make sure you're a-okay with what you're getting yourself into. consume media responsibly!!
without further ado, and in no particular order~
again, like this by noodletastic - 55k, completed series, mainly fluff
"when nationals don't go their way in their third year, atsumu and sakusa distract themselves with each other. and it keeps happening."
I'm actually currently rereading this one, because I adore the way they fall in love so easily but with that all-consuming tension and inexplicable need for each other. so exquisitely well written, it'll absolutely knock your socks off, and I lovelove the way atsumu and osamu's relationship is written. speaking of which! there's a Osamu/Suna companion piece that runs parallel, timeline-wise, and it's just such a cool thing to see how it builds upon and complements the world the author's built while telling a different, but intertwined, story.
The Story of Us by thesweetestnerd - 98k, completed series, heavy on the angst
"Atsumu has spent the last year falling in love with Sakusa Kiyoomi, but it's a secret they've never told anybody else. When a car accident snatches Omi's memories from the past two years away, Atsumu is left as the only one in the world who ever knew their relationship existed."
This is one of those stories that stays with you for days and weeks after you put it down, it's just that heartbreaking and healing at the same time. The way it discusses love and truth and identity is so raw and real, and ugh I cried real tears!!! I also love how the twins' relationship is written here, and extra points for the TS title;) I won't say more because I don't want to spoil anything, but if you do read it please lmk so we can scream about it together~
a fist amidst the hands by noodletastic - 13k words, oneshot
"Lottery nights ensure bad matches. It’s a free-for-all. It's Atsumu's favorite kind of night."
Boxer!AU sakuatsu, need I say more?? Unbelievably hot and in-character, and mad props to the author for writing the fighting so descriptively and compellingly. also all your favs are there, at least in the background. Some very gratifying descriptions of Ushiwaka and Oikawa and Bokkun, it'll make ya sweat:P Also has some fantastic companion art!!
A Liar's Truth by internetpistol - 49k, completed series, angst and fluff
"In which Sakusa Kiyoomi is raised to believe that gay people go to hell but then takes one look at Miya Atsumu and thinks, then why the hell did God make them so fucking hot?"
This fic is one of the most honest descriptions of living in a homophobic space and having to hide yourself. A really, really raw depiction of blame and taking accountability, both between Sakusa and Atsumu, and Sakusa and his parents. Seriously, I cried, it's a very cathartic read, and though there is a lot of angst, you know the happy outcome right from the beginning.
Stuck in the Sunshine by thesweetestnerd - 85k, completed series, idiot(s) to lovers
"Atsumu has a list of ‘firsts’. Kiyoomi offers to help him with it."
This time, Sakusa's the idiot who convinces himself that it would be beneficial to both Atsumu and the Jackals for him to take Atsumu's virginity. Shenanigans (and feelings) ensue. This is the most recent sakuatsu piece I read, and actually just got a new bonus chapter that I am very excited to sit down with tonight!! I really, really love Sakusa's characterization in this one, and we get to see a lot of his relationship with his cousin Komori, who made me giggle like a madwoman the whole time teehehee~
a list of things sakusa kiyoomi hates by BrenH - 7k words, oneshot, enemies to friends to lovers
"The one where Osamu suggests Atsumu keep a notebook to track all the things Sakusa hates that he does, and he takes it further than he means to."
All of these stories share the theme of Atsumu being a genius at reading when Sakusa's uncomfortable, and caring enough to adjust to him, but this's the one that does it the most explicitly. It's very cute, and details how I think Sakuatsu would figure each other out in a weird little way that's all theirs. I just love to watch the fall in love, ya know?? Makes my little heart go pitter patter~
and, last but certainly not least, terminal curiosity by favspacetwink and moonlumie, which is the fic that started it all (at least for me;)). you can read all about it on cee's post, which basically says everything that I would.
#valkyrie's sakuatsu fic recs#fic recs#sakuatsu#ask valkyrie#anon asks#i could talk about sakuatsu ALL DAY#thanks for letting me indulge anon<33
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an absolutely massive Haikyuu!! fic rec pt. 1
I went through my entire ao3 history because I’m insane, AND here’s my favorites. (There’s not a lot of aus because I’m not a huge fan of them, and there’s no sad endings. I’m a hopeless romantic leave me alone. There is angst though! Lots)
Beginning with SakuAtsu (I’m a hoe for Atsumu):
Hide and seek, by badreputation (10k. E. canonverse)
It sure is a good thing Atsumu doesn't have a latex allergy
It’s just a fleeting infatuation. As long as he pushes through it he’ll manage. So what if nowadays there isn’t a night where he doesn’t dream of Sakusa pinning him down on his own bed, in the shower or make Atsumu go down on his knees in the hallway? Those are just pesky details.
Some Memories, We May Keep, by mika60 (31k. T. canonverse)
This is canon, fight me on it.
The missing panels, the missing games, the missing moments.
The them we never saw.
*Now complete! :)*
every action has an equal and opposite reaction, by akanemnida (10k. T. canonverse)
Miya Atsumu gets a modeling contract with Calvin Klein, which sets Kiyoomi's heart in motion.
(Or: Sakusa Kiyoomi realizes that the rules governing the universe are absolute rubbish at explaining matters of the heart.)
Ass-fingering as a prelude to relations of the emotional kind: a case study, by neverwere (2k. E. canonverse)
Fucking hilarious, the imagery is absolutely hilarious.
"Marry me, he thinks, as he comes around Sakusa's fingers and all over himself.
This. This is exactly why you don't let strangers or very attractive teammates finger you out of the blue.
Everyone knows that the ass is the shortest way to the heart."
Or
When it comes to sex, Atsumu has rules. Guidelines! SOPs! He swears they work, they've always worked.
Until they don't.
parallax error: angle of inclination, by min_mintobe (10k. T. canonverse)
But now there's the one person Atsumu'd promised himself never to touch. His eyes leave Atsumu breathless with guilt at seventeen, and he spends the next six years safe in the satisfaction of making things right.
Feelings, of the physical kind, and one kiss.
ft. competitive spirit, childishness, and late night conversations.
Atsumu POV.
autumn ends, but we remain, by wolfsbvne (5k. T. canonverse)
Author says in their ending notes that they're not an ‘author’, but methinks they should write more and pursue that career path because this was wonderful.
atsumu stares at his ceiling at 2am. he stares until he can make out designs in his popcorn ceiling. a cat there, an onigiri here, and then something that suspiciously looks like a mop of hair, triangle eyebrows, and oh those two bumps are moles right above what atsumu just mapped out as an eye.
(or, atsumu is in kind of in love. sakusa is maybe in like.)
I left a taste in your mouth, by emso (26k. E. bodyguard au)
Because obviously
Sakusa fixes him with a vague expression of something like distaste. There's a scathing edge to his tone when he speaks. "Contrary to what you seem to believe, not everyone who meets you is instantly dying to get into your pants, Miya."
"Lucky I don't really care right now what 'everyone' wants to do, then." Atsumu swivels his mug around on the tabletop a few times, and then brings it to his mouth to drain the last few dregs of his latte. Over the rim of his mug, he adds casually, "Just you."
Whoa hey Bodyguard Omi, I think Spoiled Rich Kid Tsumu might possibly have a teensy crush on you.
How do you know you're in love?, by spiritscript (12k. T. canonverse)
Pure art
“So, how did you know you were in love? How did it feel?” Atsumu felt nervous asking this, a slight wiggling in the pit of his stomach, unable to look at the man beside him who rolled his shoulders in an attempt to reset his posture. “I mean, you didn’t resonate with what I said, so, what is love to you Omi-kun?”
Atsumu thinks he must be in love with Hinata Shouyou and so asks the best person he knows to help him understand his feelings
san'yo expressway, 6:17 pm, by yamabota (13k. T. canonverse)
Of violent forethoughts, and handheld car vacuums.
Atsumu tilts his head to watch a slice of orange light bend over the impassive planes of Sakusa’s face. He is absolutely, ruthlessly beautiful. It makes Atsumu want to punch something—put his foot through the windshield—scream, maybe.
Kiss him again, maybe.
They have 344 kilometers to figure this one out.
Different Kinds of Dysfunctional, by DeathBelle (Series, 5 works. T-E. Canonverse)
Honestly, I think this one is kind of famous amongst Sakuatsu readers but I can’t not include it. If I recall correctly, this is the fic that got me into Sakuastu, so thanks, DeathBelle. The characters are portrayed really well (i.e. Sakusa is disgusted and confused, and Atsumu is a little shit). You’ve got a good balance between conversations and descriptive thoughts and all-in-all it’s just a really good read.
Atsumu said into the heavy silence, “You can’t say you’ve never thought about it.”
"Thought about what?" said Sakusa.
Atsumu smiled to himself, smug. "You know."
"No, I don't."
"You know. Of course you’ve thought about it. There’s no reason to be ashamed, Omi-kun. I’m a real catch.”
Sakusa was appalled. "You're disgusting."
"You flatter me. I'm not judging you. I can't lie and say I haven't thought about it, too."
Sakusa shifted, slowly, to peer over his shoulder. He wasn’t scowling, but his expression was unreadable. “Please tell me you’re joking.”
Atsumu wasn't joking, and he was about to get more than he bargained for.
i'll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands), by liliapocalypse (7k words. T. canonverse):
Oh, god. This one was so cute. Super fluffy. Loved the metaphors and symbolism. Sometimes you just can’t say things out loud.
When a bad injury shocks the whole V. League, Sakusa finds himself paired with Atsumu for more rigorous assisted stretches before every training. Atsumu then finds himself writing random letters on Sakusa’s skin to soothe the spiker, forcing Sakusa to reevaluate how his touch aversion became an irresistible yearning for more, and how the boy with the annoying hair somehow brought that hunger to life.
Or, the fic where Atsumu mindlessly writes a confession on Sakusa’s back when he thought Sakusa wasn't paying attention. Sakusa always did.
mortality is found is the flesh of your sins, by novrik (10k. M. canonverse)
This is literally my favorite fic of all time. Not just of Sakuatsu, not even of the Haikyuu fandom. Ever. Favorite fic ever. Listen, I’m an atheist, but this fic took me on a religious experience that I haven't come down from yet. The symbolism had me actually shivering, and I had to put my phone down quite a few times. Just, oh wow, just read it. I’d like to share my favorite line; ‘And if Sakusa is Eve, if he takes a bite, what then? Perhaps, he is a little afraid of the knowledge he will gain’. My god, author, if you ever see this, this is not only a plea for you to continue writing, but also an offer of marriage. Your hand, author?
dickhead one, sakusa kiyoomi. dickhead two, miya atsumu. neither understand how to communicate.
Pray tell, why are you drawn to him?
Are you drawn to him in the way he looks beautiful even when crying?
When his eyes are red, shiny tears streaking down, lips quivering, is he beautiful?
sakuatsu domesticity simulator, by pseudoanalytics (75 words. T. canonverse)
75 words because it's actually a digital art simulator. An interactive fic! How frickin’ cool is that? The art is so beautiful and I love the plotline and ugh, just everything. Please read, or watch, or click around, yes. Good.
Update: artist created another interactive fic and of course it is wonderful. SunaOsa this time! https://newttxt.itch.io/cheesecake honestly just check out @newttxt their work is amazing and I love everything they do.
a vaguely interactive mixture of fic, art, and html, where you too can experience the inherent romance of a big fat jerk and a too-blunt jerk attempting intimacy
***
(this is the result of letting the sakuatsu brainworms really get to you...)
Pas De Deux, by hatsuna (19k words. T. Ballet/college au)
There's just something about prim, proper ballet Sakusa and human-benign-tumor Atsumu that makes my heart burst. Seriously gorgeous writing style, loved every second. By the same author who wrote ‘liminal spaces’ (which is also just perfect) so that should give you a good idea of the style.
The mystery athlete gives Kiyoomi a once over in the mirror. “Yer pretty tall,” he observes. The twang of an accent rasps low in his throat. His brazen eyes drift to Kiyoomi’s legs, and something like exhilaration glints gold in his gaze. “Good quads, too. Ya ever played volleyball?”
Ah. So it’s volleyball.
“I’m a dancer. Ballet and contemporary, mostly.”
the affective presence of our black and white reruns, by kozumess (19k. E. canonverse)
Beautiful, classic misunderstandings, my heart actually physically ached at that one scene (you’ll know the scene when you come to it). Kiyoomi is so refreshingly relaxed(? Is that the right word to use? We all know Omi never truly relaxes).
but the want, it's always there, constant like the static playing on every television channel, present even when the station disconnects.
cut the conversation, just open your mouth, by meeksoo (E. 16k. canonverse)
Absolutely filthy...BUT WITH FEELINGS! Completely nails the Sakuatsu dynamic, and protective ‘Tsumu? Love it.
Sakusa opens the door. He always does.
They’re teammates first, barely even friends. But they hook up on the regular and it works. It’s simple, easy. But then a fan gets too close, Sakusa reacts, and Atsumu is swept up in how quickly things can get complicated.
__
As Atsumu palms himself over his briefs, still feeling off, he realizes it’s because he still wants it. Him. Sakusa. Even after already having him earlier.
He should probably feel self-conscious, mildly ashamed even, that he’s panting ‘Omi Omi’ into the dark beneath the steady thrum of the AC unit when Sakusa’s right down the hall, probably good for it if Atsumu ended up back at his door. Instead, he lays there, writhing and sweaty, alone in his hotel room bed thinking about Sakusa and touching himself.
Afterward, as cum begins to cool on his chest, Atsumu really can’t help but face the fact that things may be getting complicated.
the hands that beckon me to come, by Ellieb3an (4k. E. canonverse)
So hot, what the fuck!
The toss, the run, the spike-serve at the end of it all—Sakusa sees it happen in perfect clarity as if time has slowed and his vision narrows to the center where just Miya exists, all powerful muscle and extraordinary skill and that air of confidence.
Sakusa isn’t one of the best receivers in the league for no reason, so his body moves on muscle memory, forearms absorbing the sting of the hit. It’s not enough. But his eyes are still on Miya—on the way his shorts ride up his muscular thighs as he lands, on the bead of sweat dripping down his forehead, on the clench of his fist thrust into the air—when the ball ricochets out of bounds.
***
Atsumu stays late at practices to work on his new third serve, even when his frustration with it starts throwing off the rest of his game. Sakusa notices and starts hanging back to secretly watch him from the gym doors. He’s fascinated with Atsumu's determination... and more than a little turned on by it, too.
you're the flame i use (when it gets dark), by starkartifices (55k. M. canonverse. Ongoing)
Everything is the same except the Sakusas are super rich.
“Oh, if you want dear, you could bring a plus one. Though, I doubt you have a partner yet.”
“I do actually.”
“What was that, dear?”
"I do have a partner, I mean."
alt title: crazy rich sakusas
the inherent romance of classical conditioning (or; the fine art of emotional recognition), by pseudoanalytics (13k. E. canonverse)
Ah, yes. A Pavloved sex life. A Pavloved LOVE life??
It's stupid. Atsumu isn't a romantic, no matter how many times he's imagined laying Sakusa out and finally really touching him.
So there's no explanation for why Atsumu is constantly stuck thinking about brushing his fingertips against the meat of Sakusa's palms or the prominent tendons in his freaky wrists.
There's no explanation for why doing dishes sets off a warm burn in his ribcage, or why when he smells disinfectant he inhales like he's walking past a bakery.
Yer doin' this to me, he thinks furiously, as Sakusa derails his thoughts with kisses that come more and more frequently now. Yer conditionin' me, and I can't stop it.
flutterbird (a collection of sakuatsu oneshots), by wordstruck (5 works. T-E. canonverse)
Works 1-3, I think follow a linear story, whereas the last two don't.
All sakuatsu works are just the angstiest, most miscommunication filled pieces of absolute gold and this one is no exception. Wow. These men are assholes and they bring out the worst in each other, but I’ll be damned if they’re not soulmates.
Collection of SakuAtsu fics. Several fics are loosely set in the same storyverse. Not necessarily directly connected and can all be read as standalones.
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SakuAtsu Fanfic recs pt2 leggo
I promised a pt 2 and here it is! Link to pt 1 here :) I was lazy so given summaries (I cped this time, but in the future I might paraphrase), and ofc these aren’t all of the ones I loved, just some :D So in no particular order, have some SakuAtsu <3
As always, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for fics before reading (esp cause I didn’t put individual warnings PLEASE make sure you’re okay with the content!!!!!!) and make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) Stay healthy loves <3
Teach Me, Tune Me, Tempt Me by Anonymous (E) 38.8k // Sakusa Kiyoomi needs to conquer many lifelong fears in order to enter his first romantic relationship. Miya Atsumu is there to guide him every step of the way, even if the one Sakusa desires is someone else.
Flowers Bloom In Our Masks by UnicornFlowers (G) 24.5k // "Mysophobia, also known as verminophobia, germophobia, germaphobia, bacillophobia and bacteriophobia, is a pathological fear of contamination and germs." "You read that off of Wikipedia." "That's the point, Omi-kun. I read up on it fer you."
the art of folding a handkerchief by Emlee_J (T) 5.6k // “Atsumu-san’s just realised he likes Sakusa-san,” Shouyou says simply, as though announcing the weather. “Ahh,” Bokuto nods sagely, standing up straight and nodding his head, as though this was a perfectly normal thing to hear and not monumental in any way. “'Ahh?'” Atsumu protests, indignantly, “what do ya mean ‘ahh?’” “We were wondering when you were going to notice,” Bokuto shrugs, and Atsumu gawps at him. “'Scuse me?” He splutters, and whips his gaze around to Shouyou, who bobs his head at him in confirmation. “How did you two notice before I did?” Atsumu blurts out. "Most people do," Shouyou says softly. -In which Atsumu develops something annoying, like feelings for a teammate, but at least he has a couple of wingmen and Tobio's seemingly infinite resources to help him out.
for whom the heart beats by cielelyse (T) 1.6k // Atsumu's heart keeps skipping a beat whenever Sakusa's around - so often that it's baffling and honestly downright concerning. "I think I might have a medical condition," he says into the phone. "Good," says Osamu, and hangs up.
as you are by papertulips (G) 5.8k // Kiyoomi learns that falling for Atsumu is the easiest thing in the world.
Hide and seek by badreputation (E) 10.5k // It’s just a fleeting infatuation. As long as he pushes through it he’ll manage. So what if nowadays there isn’t a night where he doesn’t dream of Sakusa pinning him down on his own bed, in the shower or make Atsumu go down on his knees in the hallway? Those are just pesky details.
People Will Say We're in Love by tirralirra (T) 9.5k // “Saku...Atsu? What does that even mean?” Atsumu says, squinting at the device. People seem to think that Sakusa and Atsumu are in love, so they come up with a list of things to do to deter that. Maybe it would work...if they weren’t in love.
do not separate! by aalphard (T) 5k // He knows he likes peanut butter and the tuna onigiri Uncle Shamu makes for him. He knows he likes volleyball and the way his daddy looks so, so cool when he’s on court. He knows he likes drawing and playing with toy swords. He knows he likes reading and it’s even better when Atsumu is the one reading for him. He knows he likes to have pancakes in the morning but he also really, really likes tamagoyaki and he knows his daddy can’t make those at all. He tries, but fails every single time. He knows his daddy’s teammates like him and he knows they’ll help him if he wants to play with them one day. But the thing is he likes Uncle Omi-kun more than he likes the rest of them and that is a secret he won’t tell anyone that’s not his daddy. He doesn’t like to make people sad.“Omi?” “Yeah?” “Nao said he likes you more than he likes the rest of the team. Don’t tell’em.” or atsumu is a single dad and kiyoomi can't help but fall for him.
you make my heart burn by myhopeisjhope (G) 9.2k // “What’s up with that awful expression?” Atsumu asked. He leaned against the counter with his hip, looking directly at Kiyoomi, his regular fox-line grin plastered on his face. Kiyoomi made eye-contact with him then, his eyebrows knotting in annoyance, but Atsumu was too interested in the cute pair of beauty marks above Kiyoomi’s eye to care about the glare that was sent his way. “What’s up with that awful hair?” Kiyoomi shot back. And that was exactly when Atsumu decided he liked the guy.
somewhere in the middle (i think we lied a little) by akanemnida (E) 4.3k // “Body worship,” Miya said instantly, after Kiyoomi asked him what he wanted as reward as the winner of their service ace competition. “I can do that,” Kiyoomi said with a frown. “God, you really are the vainest person on this planet—”Miya shook his head, smirking. “Nuh-uh, Omi-kun. I meant I wanted ‘ta worship ‘ya.”(Or: Sakusa and Atsumu and all the blurred lines in between.)
san'yō expressway, 6:17 pm by yamabato (T) 8.1k // Atsumu tilts his head to watch a slice of orange light bend over the impassive planes of Sakusa’s face. He is absolutely, ruthlessly beautiful. It makes Atsumu want to punch something—put his foot through the windshield—scream, maybe. Kiss him again, maybe. They have 344 kilometers to figure this one out.
affection by papertulips (G) 2.1k // "I gave you the key to my house for emergencies only." “This is an emergency.” “What?” Atsumu pouts, looking up at him with wide eyes that definitely work on Kiyoomi but he will never admit it. “I missed you.”
love could be labeled poison and we'd drink it anyways by myhopeisjhope (NR) 21.3k // "Huh?" is Atsumu's response, and it's seemingly the only thing the man could think of after the minute-long silence that stretched between them. "We should break up," Kiyoomi repeats, more clearly now. He doesn't let any emotion seep into his voice, keeping it neutral and detached, as if breaking up with Atsumu was the easiest thing ever, while in fact it's the complete opposite.
And I'll Ask for the Sea by meeks00 (T) 6.9k // When a couple of his teammates reveal that Atsumu has feelings for him, Sakusa doesn’t react well. It doesn’t help that Atsumu is his typical petty and salty self. --“Come on,” Atsumu is saying in a wheedling tone behind a bright grin. “Just stop,” Sakusa snaps suddenly. “Will you just leave me alone for once? I don’t even like you!”Normally, Sakusa’s words don’t phase Atsumu at all. He’ll talk over Sakusa or brush off any harsh words easily enough and might turn to someone else for the attention he apparently craves. But this time, Sakusa’s words seem to stop him cold, the smile freezing for just a moment on his face.
the Definition of Miya Atsumu, by Sakusa Kiyoomi by orphan_account (G) 4k // Miya Atsumu is a self-centred prick who thinks he's top shit. Underneath the word 'asshole' in the dictionary is a picture of his stupidly pretty face. Sakusa Kiyoomi's definition is, according to him, 100% correct, until he takes a closer look.
i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by liliapocalypse (T) 7.6k // Seeing Sakusa stressed out, Atsumu writes random letters on Sakusa’s skin to soothe him during the team’s assisted stretches. Somewhere along the way, the touches shift from barely tolerable to something Sakusa actively craved for. One day, though, Atsumu accidentally writes a confession instead.
it ain't no matter of 'if' honey, it's just a matter of 'when' by irleggsy (M) 2.1k // With a beer in one hand and an accusatory pointer finger on the other, Sakusa slurred, shouted even, “Atsumu. If you wear those godforsaken cutoff camo jorts one more fucking time I’m breaking up with you.”Atsumu made a noise in his throat caught somewhere between a wheeze and a squawk that came out more of an avant-garde honk noise than anything else. He stared up at Sakusa with wide eyes, a bewildered smile just barely glued onto his face. Or: The MSBY Black Jackals go to a bar. Sakusa likes to run his mouth when he's drunk.
dog eat dog eat dog world by perennials (T) 8.4k // You are your first and only line of defense against the universe.
Who Could Have Seen This Coming? by crone_zone (M) 16.7k // Peering out the side of his eyes at the man walking beside him, Sakusa wondered why he’d impulsively changed his mind about his plans this evening when he’d noticed Miya’s reluctance. Surely he wasn’t worried about this asshole, was he?--In which Sakusa impulsively invites Atsumu over to his apartment when he sees he's upset and something entirely unexpected happens: he realizes he likes this asshole. Cue [off-camera]sex, mutual confessions, insecurity, and adorable losers who are opposite in all the right ways.
Miya Atsumu's unwavering love for Sakusa Kiyoomi and an unholy amount of terrible food analogies that should not have the right to Exist by aiviloti (G) 5.6k // Five times Miya Atsumu talks to (harasses) his friends and sibling because he has feelings for Sakusa and doesn't know what to do or how to deal with them and the one time he talks to Sakusa about it. “How do you make friends apart from showering them in praise?” Atsumu wails one night, and Osamu thinks, oh god, here we go again.
Sakusa's Secret Admirer by TwilaFrost (T) 20.2k // Every day after practice, Kiyoomi finds another letter inside his shoe locker. It's only every signed: -❤ He's determined to find this person. Is it crazy to fall in love with someone you've never met?
take what's yours and make it mine by claudusdiei (T) 5.9k // (this has a second fic hehe) atsumu falls in love four times in his life (or: in which atsumu gets his heart broken twice, has the self-awareness of a sober mule and really likes yellow tulips)
School Bus Yellow by yuuki (G) 4.9k // Atsumu has a crush on Sakusa, and it’s kind of ridiculous how much he likes a guy who wears ugly colored jackets and is afraid of germs.Though, Atsumu’s probably not all that great himself. He’s still figuring that part out.
show me how by emeraldpalace (G) 2.9k // Sakusa isn’t sure when or how it happened, but the fact remains: Miya Atsumu has become a comfortable constant in his life.
touch me (i want you to) by melstar (G) 3.9k // He should have seen it coming, really. Spend six months tip-toeing around the line of domesticity with the team’s resident germaphobe, and there was no way he’d be able to think of the guy the same way anymore. Or, Atsumu touches Sakusa's arm once and thus begins a downward spiral into the inescapable jaws of attraction.
Dreaming of You, Talking About You by kitkatwrites (T) 1.1k // Osamu learns that Atsumu talks in his sleep, especially about a certain wing spiker from Tokyo.
If your world falls apart, I'd start a riot by Serendipity (jenjaemrens) (NR) 3.1k // "It was Atsumu who was the older brother, but it was Osamu who was more protective of him. He would always protect Atsumu from things around them that could hurt him. "Or, the story of Sakusa Kiyoomi and Miya Atsumu through the eyes of Miya Osamu.
but soft what light by min_mintobe (T) 2.1k // "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day, Bokkun—" Atsumu drawls, "—hot. "In which Miya Atsumu woos Sakusa Kiyoomi by (gratuitously, seductively) quoting Shakespeare. One-shot.
sakusa kiyoomi's fixation on (miya atsumu's) lips by catsoncocaine (E) 3.7k // Everything about Atsumu is fucking beautiful, but there is one specific part of his that is like kryptonite for Kiyoomi. It is both his curse and his remedy, rendering him useless and yet egging him on to move at the same time. Kiyoomi hates it as much as he loves it.
The Jacket In Your Closet by dai_naning (T) 8.6k // According to the gossiping players around him, Miya Atsumu is an asshole. He's an incredible player in court and an obnoxious person off the court. He taunts people, points out their weakness, and doesn't give a shit if he's disliked or not. Some even say his teammates ostracize him. Sakusa looks at Miya Atsumu and can only see a player who keeps his eyes firmly forward, demanding the same to the players who want to stay on the court. Sakusa can't fault him for that. (That doesn't erase the fact that he's an asshole though. And that he's still the one who gave a jacket to a stranger.)
sakusa kiyoomi is....an uncle? by miyaudrey (T) 5.9k // “Oh, by the way, my nieces and nephews are going to be there.” “Your what now?” Or, Atsumu finds out three hours prior to a Sakusa family gathering that Kiyoomi is an uncle.
Confessions of a V-League Setter by Anubis_2701 (T) 3.3k // "Never?" Sakusa's lips thinned. "No, never. Now stop talking to me." Or, Atsumu discovers that Sakusa Kiyoomi, germaphobe and reluctant heartthrob of the Black Jackals, has never been confessed to before. He decides to change that.
Touch Me by cajynn (E) 3k // Sakusa actually likes being touched but he's very picky when it comes to who and how. When the who turns out to be Miya Atsumu he has a crisis.
Please Stop Crying by dauwtrappen (G) 2.9k // Friday starts off well until it doesn’t and Kiyoomi can hear something crash, feel something snap inside him when Miya, about to set him up for a quick attack, suddenly starts crying in the middle of their three-on-three. Kiyoomi doesn’t even react when the ball bounces off his head, doesn’t cringe when his face is smushed against the net briefly because he forgets to land in front of the it. He’s too shocked, too appalled with the tears pouring out from Miya’s eyes to care.
I can't take much more of your hesitating by playexodus (T) 2.7k // The curved sides of Atsumu’s pecs peek through that absurd tank top at just the right angle. Sakusa swallows. “Your entire chest is hanging out of that shirt. We’re in public. You could at least pretend to be a decent, morally upright person. Not to mention that this Los Angeles beach boy aesthetic is terrible on you.”Glancing back down at Atsumu’s chest to glare at his sharp, glistening collarbones is a bad idea. Sakusa wills his eyes to stay fixated on Atsumu’s face. As it turns out, this too, is a bad idea. “Oh?” Atsumu turns his half-lidded gaze onto Sakusa, the corners of his mouth curling. “Just to be clear: you’re definitely not enjoying the view then, Omi-Omi?”
curse breaking by allicanseeispink (T) 9.2k // Nearing the fourth hour of the silent treatment, Kiyoomi’s already frayed nerves began to whittle down to their last fibers. Today, it was raining. A proper Tokyo monsoon tantrum just shy of a full-blown typhoon that left puddles on sidewalks and fell from an angle so wicked it eluded umbrellas. It was raining and they haven’t spoken in almost four hours. (In which Sakusa wanders into the minefield that is Atsumu's feelings and tries not to blow things up.)
Summer Special: Omigiri by mika60 (T) 6.9k // Miya Osamu always comes up with the perfect marketing plan for his shop, even if it involves the two biggest idiots he knows.
a list of things sakusa kiyoomi hates by BrenH (T) 7.3k // “Just fuckin’ write shit down so ya remember it then. ”It was probably supposed to be a joke, just Osamu being as annoying and unhelpful as always, just reminding him that he shouldn’t have bothered trying to count on his brother for help. He’s forgotten about the whole thing until a few days later when he’s shopping and comes across a small, black notebook shaped like a cat, and his brother’s stupid suggestion flashes through his mind. Before he knows it, the cute little notebook is dropped in his basket, purchased, and in his possession. Or, the one where Osamu suggests Atsumu keep a notebook to track all the things Sakusa hates that he does, and he takes it further than he means to.
A Challenge, A Cat, and A Confession by Kitaa (G) 6.2k // Atsumu enjoys bothering Sakusa. One day he bothers him enough to be invited over to his apartment, only to discover that Sakusa has a plant, a cat, and a cute laugh.
Multiples Of Two by yuuki (G) 3.3k // He does everything in multiples of two. The day Sakusa Kiyoomi died, Atsumu checked his pulse twenty-eight times. Okay, so Sakusa Kiyoomi has never died. And Atsumu has never been close enough to Sakusa to be able to check his pulse. So what if Atsumu is just being dramatic again? He’s allowed to be dramatic when he’s in love with a man who has less emotion than a rock.
gold rush by sketchedsmiles (T) 18k // When the MSBY Black Jackals sign their newest team member, Sakusa Kiyoomi, Atsumu makes it his personal responsibility to befriend the indifferent player.
got sand in my eyes (and my shorts too, damn you miya) by luxnoctre (T) 4.7k // On one of their rare rest days, Hinata takes the part of the MSBY team to the beach. Chaos ensures. (or alternatively, do not piss off Sakusa when he is in the middle of relaxing)
mortality is found in the flesh of your sins by citronnes (M) 10.6k // dickhead one, sakusa kiyoomi. dickhead two, miya atsumu. neither understand how to communicate. Pray tell, why are you drawn to him?Are you drawn to him in the way he looks beautiful even when crying? When his eyes are red, shiny tears streaking down, lips quivering, is he beautiful?
This was v long ahahaha.... Anyway, is this finished? No LOL, but I’ll just make small additions via reblogs (?) over time. Maybe :) Sorry if you wanted me to ramble on about SakuAtsu,,,, slide into my messages/asks for that LOL. Maybe over time I’ll add the commentary from other posts I make in the future :’)
#sakuatsu#haikyuu fanfic rec#haikyuu fic recs#haikyuu!!#haikyuu#hq fic rec#anime#manga#sakuatsu fic recs#i'm a lazy person#also if you saw me saying i was gonna post kyouhaba#no you didnt#like i just said#lazy#there are a lot of fics in that one#anyway#all of these are really good#like i couldnt not put them all#ya know?
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YELL 2 ME ABT SAKUATSU FIC RECS PLS
oh boy. oh boy do i have much to talk about
here’s a list of my sakuatsu must-reads under the cut! complete with links, word count, ratings, and occasional commentary because i’m incapable of shutting up. this isn’t in any particular order either
(keeping this sfw and organized into canonverse/AUs. a * means i am on my hands and knees begging for you to read this)
i’ll try to update this somewhat regularly :]
most recently updated august 25, 2020!
canonverse:
*your highs and lows (series) by astroeulogy
a post-time skip canonverse series born from these two questions:
1. what if sakusa kiyoomi, known too-blunt jerk, is equally straightforward about his soft, tender feelings?
2. what if miya atsumu, resident big fat jerk who doesn't care if his teammates hate him, is too emotionally stunted to notice when his one of his teammates actually likes him?
this is like the sakuatsu series but it’s blasphemous to not recommend. the first fic in the series is all that you were (4.6k, T). mind the ratings on a few of the fics, but my personal favorite is #3: a masterpiece of domesticity called you have tamed me (5.7k, T). these make me ACHE
*sakuatsu domesticity simulator by pseudoanalytics (T)
a vaguely interactive mixture of fic, art, and html, where you too can experience the inherent romance of a big fat jerk and a too-blunt jerk attempting intimacy
this fic...this fic...op is literally one of my favorite artists of all time but Did You Know that their writing is also off the charts. what a wonderful use of second person and the pacing is so good. too much skill in one person
*The MSBY Black Jackals Read Thirst Tweets by isaksara (11.4k, M)
Sakusa’s eyes are very dark naturally, sucking in all surrounding rays of light and crushing them in his pupils. For an athlete, he is rather pale. His lips look very pink in comparison. Atsumu is suddenly catastrophically aware that in this instance, ‘accent’ is a euphemism. “Good enough for your Olympic-size ego, Miya?”
(In which Atsumu realizes that he is attracted to Sakusa Kiyoomi in the most inconvenient way possible.)
i think this is the fic that got me into sakuatsu in the first place lol i was looking very specifically for msby socmed fics and now here we are. this fic is unbelievably funny
*liminal spaces by hhatsuna (25.9k, T)
Fuck you, Atsumu thinks, pointing at the pixelated Sakusa in the grainy team photo on his bedside table.
It’s easier than you’d think to ignore loving your teammate.
*Better For Us Both by abrandnewheart (15.7k, M)
Where “You already make me the happiest guy alive, babe," gives way to, “I’ve not been happy for a while now.”
Alternatively known as the ‘mug fic’.
yes this is a breakup fic. yes im going to recommend it anyway. breakup fics usually scare me a lot but this one is too good for me to not say anything about. nuanced and delicious. i look at the mug on my desk and feel pain
dog eat dog eat dog world by perennials (8.4k, T)
You are your first and only line of defense against the universe.
Koi no Yokan; 恋の予感 by ymra (15.3k, unrated)
Wherein Sakusa dreams of his future selves and discovers a little something along the way.
autumn ends, but we remain by wolfsbvne (5.3k, T)
atsumu stares at his ceiling at 2am. he stares until he can make out designs in his popcorn ceiling. a cat there, an onigiri here, and then something that suspiciously looks like a mop of hair, triangle eyebrows, and oh those two bumps are moles right above what atsumu just mapped out as an eye.
(or, atsumu is in kind of in love. sakusa is maybe in like.)
your fingertips, branding irons by Ceryna (5.8k, T)
Between the accidental touches he's reconciled, the deliberate ones he's endured, and, from those he's built years of trust with, obliged– Kiyoomi has never wanted to let someone indulge.
Never, until Atsumu.
take what’s yours and make it mine by claudusdiei (5.9k, T)
atsumu falls in love four times in his life
(or: in which atsumu gets his heart broken twice, has the self-awareness of a sober mule and really likes yellow tulips)
every action has an equal and opposite reaction by akanemnida (10.4k, T)
Miya Atsumu gets a modeling contract with Calvin Klein, which sets Kiyoomi's heart in motion.
(Or: Sakusa Kiyoomi realizes that the rules governing the universe are absolute rubbish at explaining matters of the heart.)
*where i want to be by tookumade (8.8k, G)
In the time they’ve been teammates at the MSBY Black Jackals, Sakusa has never been to Atsumu’s place, and Atsumu has only been to Sakusa’s a few times. There’s an unspoken understanding here: that Atsumu knows him well enough to know that nobody’s house or apartment would ever really meet his ridiculously high standards, and he is most comfortable in the home he’s made for himself.
That, and, Atsumu being over at Sakusa’s means that he has to host him and do the cleaning afterwards, while Atsumu can just flit off back to his own place. So. There’s that.
Tonight. Tonight is not business as usual. Tonight is not familiar.
*san'yō expressway, 6:17 pm by yamabato (8.1k, T)
Atsumu tilts his head to watch a slice of orange light bend over the impassive planes of Sakusa’s face. He is absolutely, ruthlessly beautiful. It makes Atsumu want to punch something—put his foot through the windshield—scream, maybe.
Kiss him again, maybe.
They have 344 kilometers to figure this one out.
parallax error: angle of inclination by min_mintobe (10.8k, T)
But now there's the one person Atsumu'd promised himself never to touch. His eyes leave Atsumu breathless with guilt at seventeen, and he spends the next six years safe in the satisfaction of making things right.
Feelings, of the physical kind, and one kiss.
ft. competitive spirit, childishness, and late night conversations.
Atsumu POV.
four leaf clover by vicari_us (5.9k, T)
Once, Ushijima claimed that they ‘got lucky’. If properly honed, their body types could become near invincible weapons.
However, unlike Ushijima, Kiyoomi’s weapon required a bit more care over the years to reach the condition it had become. He was born iron, not yet forged into steel.
Exploring what it might have taken to turn a genetic mistake into an athletic miracle.
*the 28 postcards you left me by wheelspokes (8.3k, T)
Atsumu takes texting your ex to a new level by sending Sakusa postcards in Animal Crossing instead.
such a unique premise & this is so beautifully structured. stunning flow and who knew animal crossing could convey so much longing...
AUs:
Pas De Deux by hhatsuna (dancer!sakusa au: 19.0k, T)
The mystery athlete gives Kiyoomi a once over in the mirror. “Yer pretty tall,” he observes, and the twang of an accent rasps low in his throat. His brazen eyes drift to Kiyoomi’s legs, and something like exhilaration glints gold in his gaze. “Good quads, too. Ya ever played volleyball?” Ah. So it’s volleyball.
“I’m a dancer. Ballet and contemporary, mostly.”
*my love, take your time by bastigod (archaeologist!sakusa au: 9.0k, T)
There was something sublime about wandering around an empty museum. Nothing could compare to the sound of his shoes clacking against the marble floor, the morning sunlight gently streaming through the lofty windows and the peaceful solitude of ancient stone kings overseeing their silent kingdoms.
A day in the life of Doctor Kiyoomi Sakusa, Archaeologist.
i’ve literally been thinking about this fic every day since it came out. you will not find a story like this anywhere else, i guarantee you. what a clear labor of love this fic is it’s truly something so special
three roses and a smile by strawberrycitrus (surgeon!sakusa & microbiologist!atsumu au: 19.7k, T)
“I just got this job, I’m not givin’ it up for some moral boost ‘cause I actually need to pay my rent, ya insensitive -” Atsumu waves his hands around, trying and failing to come up with the right word to convey the amount of injustice that this gaunt motherfucker has brought into his relatively simple life thus far.
“If you can’t pay your rent, go get a job at the McDonald’s over by 8th Street,” Sakusa growls, “it’ll pay more than your researcher position.”
If you even attempt assault on a coworker, forget teaching about cells - you’ll fucking be in one, Atsumu.
*Dance of the Parallax by astroeulogy (ogre spirit!sakusa au: 6.7k, T)
For the last twenty years, Atsumu’s done all that he can to break his betrothal to the ogre spirit Sakusa. If he can just make it through one more night, he’ll be free.
honestly, just read everything by astroeulogy. i’m recommending this fic in particular because it has such an ethereal voice to it. magical
across oceans, across centuries by starstrikes (pacific rim au: 20.0k, T)
Six days ago, Osamu died and left Atsumu with this: Atsumu, you have to—
(Namikira rises with the tides and rips Osamu and Vulpis Empress away in one fell swoop. Six days later, Atsumu wakes up alone in a hospital bed and learns how to swim.)
you don’t actually need to know pacrim to appreciate this. a wonderful exploration of grief and recovery. also it’s exactly 20k words which is both satisfying and terrifying
*Notte Stellata by awkwardedgeworth (ice skating/dancing au: 20.8k, T)
"Your partner doesn't need to hold anyone's hand other than yours," Sakusa's father crouches, "And you can wear gloves."
Sakusa ponders. He hears the other skaters of rink two whiz past as they launch themselves into lifts.
"Alright," He looks up from the ice, not knowing how he'll dedicate the next couple of decades to this sport, this partnership, this boy.
what a stunning fic. a beautiful progression of sakusa & atsumu’s relationship, rife with references to real skating programs, beautifully written and structured. so full of longing i’m in mild physical pain
#if anyone else has recs feel free to drop them in the replies mwah#sakuatsu fic is SO high quality you can literally just look at the tag and blindly press and find something stunning#these are just my personal favorites#basically just my ao3 bookmarks and then some#sakuatsu#sakusa kiyoomi#miya atsumu#sakuatsu fic#haikyuu fic#ask#reynegades#thank you for asking.....ive been dying to make a fic rec post i just needed a push lol#fic
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sakuatsu with an eczema s/o
a/n: my eczema made me do this. also, my writings are v cringey and cliche so yeah.
miya atsumu
ok so it's been a good two months since you and atsumu started dating
you've been so happy lately you didn't realize your most hated season has come... which is winter cause it makes your eczema flare like crazy
you woke up one day and saw very evident red and itchy patch on your skin
you immediately got sad cause u remember youre meeting atsumu today after his practice and youre scared he'll be disgusted by you
you two were taking a night stroll when he decided to hold your hand cause he's clingy like that
but you immediately let go cause of your eczema
"hey babe, what's wrong?"
"nothing"
"then why arent you letting me hold your hand?"
"i just dont want to!"
"what do ya mean you dont want to? you said that me holding ur hands is your favourite thing! come on babe tell me whats wrong"
after a few minutes you decided to show your hands to him cause you know theres no way in hell will atsumu drop the subject
"i have eczema, tsumu"
you saw him staring intently at your hands and asked a question a few moments later
"is that contagious?" like most people atsumu doesnt know much about eczema so you understand if he thinks its contagious
"not really"
"then i don't care! i'm holding my baby's hand no matter what! and even if it's contagious, i'd gladly have eczema with you"
at this point all your worries are forgotten and youre grinning so wide
"YOU ARE THE CHEESIEST MAN IN THE WORLD, MIYA ATSUMU."
"and i know you love me for it ;)"
the next day he brought you a bunch of aveeno, cerave, cetaphil, and all kinds of lotion and youre crying cause you know how expensive those are
sakusa kiyoomi
its been eight months since you've been dating kiyoomi
knowing how cautious he is, you try your best to make sure your eczema dont flare up
but there was this one semester where everything was just super stressful and it lead you to eating too much milk chocolate (which is the biggest trigger for your eczema)
so one morning you were horrified to see the red and itchy patch around your mouth and chin
so you called your dermatologist right away but sadly theyre fully booked until next week
so you just splattered moisturizing cream on your face and hope that it gets better
you had no plans to see kiyoomi today but he texted you saying he made dinner just for you cause he knows you've been really stressed
who can say no to that right?
youre not the type to wear a mask so when he saw you with one he knew something was up
"are you sick?" he said right away
"no, im just protecting myself from the flu going around"
he knows what youre saying is complete bs but he didnt push it cause you seemed uncomfortable
you were actually also really nervous meeting him cause oh my gosh what if he saw your eczema and he gets disgusted and breaks up with you
so when you were eating, instead of taking off your mask, you just pulled it down to your chin to still cover your flares
kiyoomi found it v odd but he still didnt say anything
also you were eating side by side while watching tv thats why he didnt really notice your flares
"thank you omi-kun for the dinner! i'll leave now!"
omi wanted you stay more but knowing how much deadlines you have, he quietly lets you go
except for one thing
"where's my kiss?" kiyoomi asked just as you leave for the door
you stood frozen as you rack your brain for an excuse
"come on, omi-kun! there's a flu going around! we shoudn't kiss!"
"as if a flu will keep me from kissing you"
he was too fast and before you know it he already took off your mask and was about to kiss you when your eczema caught him off guard
"i'd understand if you wanna break up with me" you said. you wanna prepare yourself for the heartbreak... you know he'd be disgusted
but to your surprise kiyoomi just asked, "why do you have a rash on your face?" as he studied the red patch
kiyoomi is v knowledgeable when it comes to disease but he doesnt know about eczema
"i actually have eczema... its like a skin condition... but i promise you its not contagious or anything!"
next thing you know you are in sakusa kiyoomi's dermatologist
he was asking his dermatologist all kinds of question on how to cure and prevent it
omi also learned that day that you get triggered by milk chocolate so from that day onwards you're ban from eating it
"sakusa kiyoomi!! let me eat my milk chocolate!!!!!!!!!" you screamed at him a few days after
"not on my watch!" kiyoomi said as he raised his arm holding your beloved chocolates, while you jump pathetically to reach them since he's so much taller than you
but in the end you're v thankful you have a boyfriend that cares for your eczema <333
also you're also v thankful that he's the one who paid for your dermatologist visit
#miya atsumu#sakusa kiyoomi#sakuatsu#haikyuu!!#haikyuu hcs#haikyuu headcanons#tw: eczema#???#its 1 am in where i live and my 8:30 am class says hi#rip#i just have so much stuff to do that i ended up doing nothing at all#anyway this is dedicated to my fellow hq stans who's suffering from eczema!!#just know your hq boy will still love you nonetheless!!#<3333
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Wedding Vows - SakuAtsu
Summary: Kiyoomi and Atsumu get married. Featuring Rin Miya as their minister
Atsumu was on cloud nine-thousand.
Their wedding was outside and was very intimate. Only their parents, Komori (Omi’s best man), Samu (Atsumu’s best man), and Rin (his brother in law and their minister for the event) were invited.
It was just in a grassy field with a pretty scenic view of the mountains. It was perfect. Omi and him were going to both ‘walk down the aisle’ with their best men by walking towards each other and meeting in the middle for the ceremony.
Atsumu couldn’t help but squirm a little when he got his first view of Omi, a good distance away, but still visible.
“Chill, won’t ya?” Osamu complained, rolling his eyes.
Atsumu babbled out some words that were really just a jumble of excitement to his twin, trying to contain himself so Omi’s parents wouldn’t think he’s even crazier than they knew he was.
“Almost there,” Osamu chuckled, patting his brother’s hand fondly. It was an exciting day for his brother, plus he was the only thing that kept him sane during him and Rin’s wedding, so he should probably do the same as the best man today.
But Atsumu could finally see Omi Omi clearly now.
Omi Omi, in his navy suit, which Atsumu had practically begged him to wear today, hair almost perfect—there was, in fact, a strand out of place that Komori must have missed—still, he was stunning. And he was everything.
And of course Atsumu looked kinda nice too, not gonna lie. He and Omi were in matching suits, a little bit of powder on his face so that he wouldn’t get too sweaty from the outdoor wedding, tie all straightened. Everything was perfect.
The sun was out. Nobody was in the distance except for the families invited. It was intimate and perfect and there he was, so so close, and his heart was pounding.
He couldn’t take it anymore, breaking free of Osamu’s grasp and running to his fiancée, pulling him into a hug, pushing that piece of hair back into place. “Omi Omi,” he whispered, a blush undoubtedly on his face, “ya look so handsome.”
“I actually have no clue if this is allowed.” Atsumu could hear Rin saying to Osamu. Atsumu just rolled his eyes and ignored it.
“You nervous?” Omi asked him, his voice also low so nobody else could hear it.
Atsumu chuckled. “No way. Well... if you bolt I may throw up, but...”
Omi kissed Atsumu’s hand, his eyes filled with absolute love and adoration. “Good thing I’m not going to bolt then.”
“Are you two almost done?” Rin asked sarcastically. The couple laughed, looking up at the ‘minister’, Omi scratching the back of his neck awkwardly and Atsumu holding onto his fianceè’s other hand with a death-grip.
“Mhmmmm,” Atsumu hummed, his throat all of a sudden very dry. Why was he nervous now? It wasn’t because he didn’t want to marry Omi — saying yes to his proposal was the easiest decision of his life. Omi promised not to run away, so it couldn’t be that...
Maybe it was the fact that Miya Rintarou was officiating.
He should have written him a script.
“Welcome everyone. We’re gathered here on this sunny afternoon to witness the union between these two lovebirds, Sakusa Kiyoomi and Miya Atsumu.”
Okay, actually, that wasn’t too bad. Maybe he’d actually do well.
“The two probably didn’t realize it, but when they asked me to officiate, they inadvertently gave me the chance to give a speech for their wedding.” Atsumu glared up at his brother-in-law. “It’ll be short, I swear.”
“It’s pretty obvious to all of us how in love these two are. But, well, sometimes it’s harder when you’re the one in the relationship to see all that love. So, I’ve got an interesting story to tell to help you out,” Rin announced, his words directed towards Omi.
“When Atsumu asked me to officiate? I was beyond shocked. He should have known the power this would give me. Yet, he still asked me. And why? Well, to quote him, ‘I know Omi Omi is going to be nervous, and the last thing he needs to worry about is some officiant being all up in our personal space while we’re trying to get married.’ And that’s when I realized — Atsumu actually wanted a small wedding. Atsumu, the center of attention, wanted something intimate. Because the only thing that was important for his dream wedding was that Omi Omi would feel comfortable around the people invited.”
“Really?” Omi asked. Atsumu covered his face with his free hand, peeking between his fingers to see the smile on his partner’s face. “I guess you really are perfect,” Omi shrugged, a fond smile on his face.
“Now of course, he also said something along the lines of ‘Omi is going to be nervous enough as is, I mean, he’s marrying me after all.’” The parents laughed at this, as did Omi. “so it’s not like he changed completely overnight but... I hate to admit it but it was all pretty cute.”
“Let’s get these rings, huh?” He urged Osamu and Komori. The two men fished in their pocket and produced the wedding bands for the couple.
“Alright, Atsumu, you can go first.” He slid the ring into the boy’s palm.
Atsumu’s hands were shaky as he put the ring on his partner’s finger, but after a few tries he got it right. “There’s not much more I can say after Rin exposed me like that,” he blushed bright red. “I love ya Omi Omi. What else is there? You’re my day and night and sun and stars and everything in between. And with this ring, I’m making it even harder for you to get rid of me. I can’t wait to be your Husband, and I promise I’ll be the best I can be for you.”
Next, Omi was handed the ring. His hands were also surprisingly shaky as he put the ring on Atsumu’s finger. “I, uh, told you I was just gonna say the traditional vows but I changed my mind. You’ve always been so bold and confident and so affectionate to me, even when I’m having a bad day and get too nervous to give you a hug when you get home, you’re always here for me and telling me how much you love me, telling the world how much you love me. I’ve always been a little quieter, more shy, wanting to suck that love in and keep it for myself and show it to no one. But now? I want to show you off to the world. I promise I won’t be quiet about my love to you. I promise I’ll wake up every morning and tell you how much I love you until you believe me wholeheartedly.
“You said the ring makes it harder for me to get rid of you? I’m never getting rid of you; I’d never want to. Every single day I fall in love with you more. Even that day when you tried to make breakfast and dropped the pan on my foot and broke my foot and we had to go to the hospital with all those sick people. The way you gripped the steering wheel so tight until your knuckles were white because you didn’t want me to see you shaking? The frog stuffed animal you bought me to apologize? The tub of Clorox wipes you brought into the hospital, just so you could wipe down every surface I came into contact with? I adore you. I love you and never want to imagine a life without you.
“And I’m sorry I haven’t showed our love off more. But as your Husband, I promise to show it off every day, to let everyone know that I am, in fact, a Miya. I’m Omi Omi. I want everyone to know I’m so hopelessly yours in a million different ways, and I’ll scream it off the sides of these mountains if you want me to.”
Atsumu sniffled, trying his best to keep his tears from falling.
“Seriously, you want me to?” Omi asked, a deadpan look on his face.
Atsumu laughed, the tears spilling from the sudden jerky movement. “No! That’s okay. I believe you,” he reassured, free hand waving furiously to try to prevent his fiancée from screaming his voice out because he wanted to have a shouting match with... the mountains? Who knows.
“Well, the online officiant website says that’s all I needed to do, so with that, you two are officially husbands. You can now seal your marriage with a,” he lowered his breath, “hopefully not too scandalous,” cleared his throat, “kiss!”
Omi pulled Atsumu close, cupping his cheek with his hand, leaning in for a deep kiss. Atsumu’s hand quickly traveled to the back of his neck, holding him close. It was like no kiss they had ever shared before: Atsumu with his tears running down his face, which Omi desperately tried to wipe away during the kiss, the surge of joy and anxious nerves from a few moments ago making their hearts race even faster than they thought possible. They were husbands now.
When they pulled away, Atsumu could finally hear the applause of his close family—his ears had been ringing and all he could hear was his heartbeat—and he saw Omi’s family, well, now his family too, cheering as well. It brought him so much joy.
This was better than any big wedding he could have ever wanted. Because Omi was here. And Omi was happy and comfortable around all these people.
Omi Omi grabbed his hand tight, grabbing his attention once again. “You ready to get some cake?” Omi asked his husband.
“Sure thing, Miya,” Atsumu retorted playfully, nudging his partner’s shoulder.
“The Miya empire is expanding,” Rin said simply to his husband, looking over at the newly married couple.
“At least Omi can keep him in line.”
“Eh, I wouldn’t be too sure anymore. Keep in mind, this is the man who was going to scream at a mountain a minute ago.”
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Searching him in the crowd
Fandom: Haikyuu
Prompt: The Man of the Crowd: following, curiosity, fascination.
Characters/Pairing: Sakusa Kiyoomi/Miya Atsumu
Summary: Sakusa didn't know when this fascination for Atsumu started.
Notes: Hi, hi! Some days ago (like, a lot, I think? I lost the tracking), I asked for requests, basing on my favourite prompts list, on Twitter and my dear Cris requested this one with SakuAtsu~! This is for ya, Cris, love ya! This fanfic was posted on AO3! Have a nice reading!
As much as Sakusa denied to others – and to himself – he was fascinated by Atsumu.
It was strange, not even Sakusa understood where this curiosity about Atsumu came from, someone who was used to living with cockroaches. It was... Bizarre, to say the least.
He didn't know when his eyes started to follow Atsumu, to observe everything he did. Even mundane things, like drinking water, seemed to come out of some painting displayed in important and famous museums.
He also didn't know when he had put the notifications on, so that Sakusa would always be informed when Atsumu posted something on his social networks. From a certain point, Sakusa had started to write down all the posts in a notebook, hidden on his desk, although he had never put likes on them – Atsumu didn’t need to know that he had seen his posts.
Nor did he know why he was sitting next to the cafe window at half past four on a Sunday, his day off without training, waiting for Atsumu to pass through the crowd of people to go to the gym.
Sakusa didn't know when he had memorized Atsumu's routine, maybe he had spent too much time looking at his social media.
It was strange.
Sakusa looked at his watch, it was four forty-seven and Atsumu hadn’t yet passed. Weird, the gym was open that day, Sakusa had checked the website before leaving the house.
He took out his cell phone and looked at Atsumu's posts; there was nothing recent, nothing to indicate that Atsumu had decided to change his routine.
Maybe something–
"Omi-Omi!"
Sakusa felt his blood freeze when he heard Atsumu's voice behind him. Slowly, he looked back, paler than usual, as if he had seen a ghost.
In his mind, Sakusa could only ask himself what Atsumu was doing there. He felt like a child whose mother discovered that he was doing something that he shouldn't have done.
"W… What are you doing here?" He managed to question, with a hint of disgust in his voice (not that it was on purpose, it was automatic).
"Oh, I usually see ya here, around this time, when I go to the gym," Atsumu replied, smiling.
Fuck, Sakusa thought, imagining that he had been discovered.
"The coffee here is good, isn't it?" Atsumu commented, sitting across from Sakusa. He merely shook his head, not knowing what to say; he felt that, no matter what he said, he would eventually be discovered – that is, if he hadn’t yet been discovered.
Atsumu looked at the menu on the table. Sakusa knew he liked to eat at the same time as his coffee – or so he posted on Instagram and Twitter. In fact, Sakusa discovered that place thanks to the publications of the other.
"Have ya ever tasted the cakes?" Atsumu asked, receiving a negative grunt in response. He laughed quietly, and Sakusa had to endure the temptation to record the other's laughter. "They are very good, ya gotta taste them."
"I will think about your case."
Perhaps it was his imagination, but it seemed that Atsumu had been happy with his rude response.
It was impossible for Sakusa to understand what was going on in Atsumu's head. He knew that Atsumu wanted to get close to him, to become his friend – which made no sense. For what? Become better teammates? Sakusa thought they were a good match, with some teasing there and there. They didn't have to be friends to score points against their opponents...
But to be honest, being friends wouldn’t be enough for Sakusa. He longed for Atsumu's touch, for his caresses. He wanted something unshakable, the accidental touches that happened from time to time wouldn’t be enough.
He wanted more.
Much more than seeing the other's vulpine smile, much more than hearing his lepid voice, much more than that.
Sakusa looked at Atsumu, who was taking a picture of the cake and coffee he had ordered. Quickly, the light on Sakusa's cell phone started to flash, a notification signal. Without the other being aware, he checked and felt his cheeks flushed when he saw that Atsumu had taken a photo of him.
"Oh really?" Sakusa asked. As Atsumu had mentioned him in the publication, he wasn’t concerned with the possibility of his obsession being discovered.
"Yeah," he replied, smiling, and Sakusa, without thinking twice, took a picture of him too. "Omi-Omi–"
"What's it?" Sakusa allowed himself to smile, perhaps with an air of arrogance. "We are even."
No, they weren't that even, since Sakusa kept all of Atsumu's pictures on his computer, but he wouldn't tell him about it. Never ever. Atsumu would certainly hate him.
"I didn't know ya wanted to have a picture of me on your phone," Atsumu joked. Oh, if he only knew...
"Is there a problem with that?"
Atsumu choked on his coffee when he heard that answer; Sakusa didn’t know if the red that formed on the other's face was from shame or shortness of air.
"Ya only know how to surprise me," he laughed again and Sakusa wondered if he was doing it on purpose, trying to captivate him even more.
Which was a scary thing to think; be even more captivated than he already was? Was that still possible?
"I don't know how you are surprised," Sakusa replied, trying to hide his fascination about the other. "I don't have anything surprising."
"Oh dont’cha?"
In a daring moment, Atsumu cut a piece of his cake and brought the fork to Sakusa's face, who opened his eyes wide.
“Say, ‘aaah~ ’” he asked, with his vulpine smile spreading across his face. He knew that Sakusa couldn’t use the excuse that Atsumu had already eaten with that fork, since he had not yet done so. A perfect plan - or not, Sakusa was still looking suspiciously at the piece of cake. "Come on, Omi-Omi.~ I guarantee ya it’s good!"
When Atsumu was about to give up, Sakusa finally gave in and ate the piece. Atsumu did not know how to react, especially after the other had licked his own lips – Atsumu swallowed, embarrassment taking over his cheeks and heart. His mind was blank, with internal screams that chased away any other thoughts that tried to approach.
"Are you quiet now?" Sakusa asked, unaware of the shouting going on in Atsumu's head.
"Yer really a box full of surprises..."
The murmur was lost in the air, without reaching the recipient. Atsumu finally started to eat his cake and, perhaps because of the burning sensation inside him, he barely tasted the sweet flavor of the cream.
Meanwhile, Sakusa watched the other's movements, containing the temptation to touch Atsumu's hands. Certainly, a setter's hands must be treated with devotion.
Certainly, it might be easy to make it his. Make him fall into his spider web and manipulate him to stay with him, unable to leave his side.
Unable to live without him.
Perhaps, if he let his temptation loose, let his hand meet Atsumu's, in a show of affection, obsessive in secret, and pull him to the side of sin, his sin...
Perhaps, thus, Atsumu would become his, forever.
But Sakusa was afraid of what he was able to do to have him. His obsessive love was disgusting, grotesque... It was a poison that could make Atsumu hate him forever.
He was terrified of this poisonous idea. Even if he controlled his obsession, it was impossible to hide it forever. Atsumu would discover it sooner or later.
Even if he stopped his obsessive habits, deleted all the folders with pictures of Atsumu that he had on his computer, he was already tainted with sin. Dirty.
Not even the best disinfectants would be able to clean him.
Even so... He continued to be seduced by this idea, of having Atsumu all to himself.
If the opportunity arose, Sakusa felt that he would grab it, without thinking twice, blinded by his tainted obsession.
Atsumu didn't even imagine he was playing with the fire, just about to get burned.
But Sakusa wasn’t going to stop him from getting burned.
"Omi-Omi.~"
"Hm?"
"Wanna meet here again?"
"You ask as if we agreed to meet here today."
Atsumu laughed, asking Sakusa to not to be like that. He merely put his mask back on, to hide the smile on his face.
“Oh! Are ya embarrassed?” Atsumu provoked.
"No."
Soon, Sakusa thought at the same time that the other one was looking at his agenda, trying to find the perfect day for them to meet, Atsumu will be in my arms, unable to escape from me.
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bittersweet always (sakuatsu angst fic)
Summary:
Every relationship has its ups and downs but they say if you really loved the person, you'd accept everything they are without reservations. Well, whoever said that forgot to mention that sometimes what you have to accept is whether or not everything they are is too much to handle.
or Sakusa Kiyoomi realising that he's had enough (i'm so sorry Atsumu but you are an absolute ass in this)
or the fic i wrote while i was drinking and i needed to get this of my chest and saw SakuAtsu as the perfect victims :')
Pairing: Sakusa Kiyoomi x Miya Atsumu
Genre: Angst, some Fluff (like v little), Kinda Toxic Relationship, it’s pretty much just Omi realising his worth you know
Wordcount: 6.5k
ao3 link
say hi to me on twitter if u have the time :D
omg sorry i got too lazy to make a header picture thing for this plus there are probably errors ahead too because i got too lazy to proofread this i just wanted to post it already lmao
Every relationship has its ups and downs, but they say that, if you really loved the person, you'd accept everything they are without reservations. Well, whoever said that forgot to mention that sometimes what you have to accept is whether or not everything they are is too much to handle.
It's so quiet that Kiyoomi can hear a pin drop but, at the same time, the noise in his head and heart feels like it can rival a thousand sirens.
Is this still right? is this still worth it? Should we keep going on or will that only hurt us more? All these questions left unsaid but taunts both Kiyoomi and Atsumu as they don't even have the heart to meet gazes.
They're only a dinner table distance away from each other but Kiyoomi has never felt so far from his tsum tsum.
They've been like this for almost half an hour now, their luggages still at the doorway untouched. He and his Tsum tsum needed to talk.
Tsum Tsum. He used to never call him that.
It was always Miya or just Atsumu you idiot before they both finally confessed their feelings to each other at the expanse of their teammates who were tired of their obvious pining for one another.
____________________
"Oi, i may look like a tomato right now but i am not even the least bit drunk!" Atsumu raises his empty glass at Bokuto, who was the one who pointed out how Miya Atsumu gets oh so easily red after a few glasses of alcohol.
They've been on about who gets drunk the easiest in the team and even though the whole team knows it's a tie between Hinata the low tolerance child and Bokuto the alcohol hogger, Atsumu's always won the title for the one who gets all alcohol tipsy blushy red the easiest.
Kiyoomi, who has his signature scowl on his face, thinks Tsum Tsum’s cute but would never admit to that.
"Did i hear that right, omiomi? did ya just call me cute?" Kiyoomi feels his world almost stop when he realizes that he blurted that he found Miya Atsumu cute out loud and curses whoever is up there for not giving him the strength to stop himself. Why oh why out of all the times he accidentally blurts out his pining over Miya, it's right when he's in front of him? Is it the alcohol? Kiyoomi never wants to consume alcohol again.
"Puh-lease he always does that, always under his breath, behind his mask, whenever tsum tsum is doing literally anything" Bokuto says as if it was a fact, emphasising on the words literally anything because not even Kiyoomi can deny that he does indeed do that, but that's not the point. May it have been out of his tipsiness or not, Kiyoomi only wants to punch his face but he knows he'll never hear the end of it from Akaashi-san.
But if Bokuto Koutaro valued his life he would know better than to keep exposing Sakusa Kiyoomi like thi-
"oh did Miya finally catch on to Sakusa's pining? ugh, finally" OH MY GOD WHAT EVEN ARE THESE TEAMMATES? Thomas groans into his hands, the rest of the team letting out howls and chuckling that echoes throughout the common area and Kiyoomi is already planning how to murder his teammates in their sleep OR maybe he'll just have himself signed over to another team, preferably onto a team that won't put him on the spot in front of his crush like this.
Crush- hah, that sounds so childish, Kiyoomi tells himself in his head just to check that nothing is wrong with his cognitive abilities and he's still able to speak to himself in his mind because he still can't believe that he blurted that out in front of Atsumu.
He'd been doing so well with just Bokuto or Hinata or even Captain Meian catching onto the muttering of a pining Sakusa Kiyoomi, but all that's thrown out the window apparently.
"Omi's what?" Atsumu the oh so ever oblivious boy blushes to the tip of his ears, head tilting to the side a little bit and it's as if all the annoyance in the world disappears for Kiyoomi and goddamnit not even the gods above (or more realistically, Atsumu's own twin brother) can tell him Atsumu looks stupid when he blushes like this because he's so extremely cute in his eyes and only Atsumu will ever have this kind of effect on Kiyoomi and he's trying so so so s o hard not to let that show right now even though he feels like he's going to combust-
"I think it's time they finally discuss about pining over each other in private, boys" with a smug expression on his face, Bokuto is able to file each of the members of the msby out of their shared living room and retreat to their own bedrooms.
So he wasn't just tipsy, he was being the sly ass Kiyoomi knows he's always been. Oh he's so getting it, Kiyoomi might just 'accidentally' spike a ball to Bokuto's head during the next practice.
If Atsumu were to still set to him after this, Kiyoomi is already calculating in his head how much force he had to put into a spike to really get back at the black and silver haired man. He watches each of the members of the team give him a small nod, if it was out of approval or a small cry for forgiveness for riding along Bokuto's shenanigans, Kiyoomi doesn't want to know.
But right now, he feels like he's frozen when left alone in the presence of someone he's been undeniably been pining for the past few months. Miya Atsumu in all his glorious blushing state looks at him with an expression Kiyoomi can't read but he feels so vulnerable and the ice in his veins melts and now he feels like he's sweating.
Ah, crap. Am i sweating? Do I smell? Can he hear my thoughts? Why is he not saying anything? Why am I not saying anything? Sakusa Kiyoomi, say something for the love of everything good in life you can't just call Atsumu cute and act like a fish out of wa-
"Tsum tsum" the silence is first broken by Atsumu and even in his blushing tomato looking state, his expression softens and goddamnit did kiyoomi blurt that out loud again "it's the first time you called me Tsum tsum and i think i like it and I like you"
"Well it's a fitting nickname for- wait" what? did he hear that right? or was it the inner demon in Kiyoomi supplying him with stupid thoughts like this again "did you ju-"
And Kiyoomi barely has any time to process anything that's happening but all he knows is that Atsumu's lips are as soft as he's been imagining, sweet with a tinge of bitterness presumably from the alcohol they've been consuming all night and his warm palms cupping his cheeks are soft and holding Kiyoomi like he's so fragile and Kiyoomi has to mentally slap himself to try and at least reciprocate the kiss because Miya Atsumu is kissing him.
OH MY GOD THEY'RE KISSING, Kiyoomi's inner demon doesn't even have the creativeness to make this a figment of his imagination.
"I'm sorry i didn't ask first" is what atsumu says when he breaks away from the kiss, his breath fanning over Kiyoomi's lips and his eyes half closed.
Is he still staring at my lips? Kiyoomi thinks he is and he can't even deny that he himself is doing the same thing but with Atsumu's lips.
"It's just that i've liked ya for a while and i'm not good with words and the way the others said how you've pined over me so i kinda assumed-"
"I like you too, yeah" Kiyoomi finally says and it feels like a weight has been lifted from his chest from the months and months and months of harbouring feelings for one (1) Miya Atsumu "i don't think i'm good with words either"
So they take that as a sign to have their second kiss of the night, one with a little bit more passion and it's more intoxicating than the alcohol. So what if they aren't good with words? They're finally able to start their love story and it's all because Sakusa Kiyoomi was finally called out on for his pining.
Who needs to be good with words when Miya Atsumu is so good at kissing?
____________________
Ironically though, the thing with relationships is that you have to be good with words. With each other, at least. People don't say 'Communication is key' for nothing after all.
Yet here both Atsumu and Kiyoomi sit opposite to each other without any vocal exchange, again, for the past hour. Both their hearts are screaming at the other, wanting to just be in each other's arms again and hold each other, giving each other kisses and make love and have everything be okay between them
But things aren't okay between them.
They haven't been for a while and Kiyoomi knows this. Atsumu, still tsum tsum in Kiyoomi's heart, knows this. Things have been extremely toxic and they've been putting temporary bandaids to problems that can't always be solved with fucking and the on and off again thing.
When this started, Kiyoomi doesn't know. But he knows when he finally realised that whatever they have won't last or why it won't last, he remembers it well but just because he realised it then doesn't mean he was ready to accept it.
He loves Atsumu with everything he is, he can't just easily accept that maybe the stars aren't aligned for them.
____________________
"When are you going to stop acting like a child and actually talk to me about this?" Kiyoomi is furious, fingers running through his hair as his gaze pierces through Atsumu's thick skull and he won't even turn his head to look at him "We lost a fucking game and he just made sure i was okay, Atsumu"
The name tastes so bitter on his tongue. Tsum tsum or Tsumu, it always was. But he doesn't have the heart for it now.
"If he brings you so much fucking comfort then maybe you should just run to him instead" even with his childish murmuring, the silence of Kiyoomi and Atsumu's dorm in the olympic village gives him the advantage of hearing Atsumu's words
"I understand that you're feeling this way because he's my ex, Atsumu. But we're literally on the same olympic team and it's out of my control. Am i seriously not allowed to even breathe around Waka- Ushijima-san?"
Kiyoomi understands Atsumu and his insecurities. Understands it all too well by now.
He knows his boyfriend inside out and from the months and months of trying to help him through it because he's holding onto Atsumu's promise to 'change his habits' of being so harsh with his words when he has his moments and this is the moment during every argument they have where Kiyoomi is holding his breath, he doesn't want to fight.
He's hoping Atsumu realizes when he's being extremely irrational or knows when he gets on Kiyoomi's nerves.
Because Kiyoomi's never been one to stand down, yeah sure he was taught by his mother to be wise in picking his fights and to defend himself when necessary but goddam does Atsumu and his moments rile Kiyoomi up so bad or maybe Atsumu makes Kiyoomi feel like he always has to defend himself.
Atsumu, the person who is supposed to be his partner, his number one supporter, the person who he doesn't need to be defending himself to. Yet he feels like he has to every single time.
Maybe Atsumu brings out the worst in Kiyoomi.
"Ushijima-san my ass. I know you call him Wakatoshi-kun. I know you've been spending extra time with him the past few weeks and don't even get me started on the fuck-me eyes, Kiyoomi" Atsumu's fuming as he rambles, fist clenched at either side as he's finally faced his boyfriend for the first time since they came into the room.
"Fuck-me eyes- are you serious right now? Like i had just literally said, we're on the same olympic team and that's out of my control. He's the team captain and everyone looks at him with adoration, Atsumu, but fuck-me eyes? that's just ridiculous. Additionally, what Ushijima-san and I had was way back in highschool! How are you still not over that?" Kiyoomi isn't usually a man with many words but as he's found out ever since the first argument he and atsumu had, he's been non stop preparing long speeches in case of times like this "We should be endlessly celebrating the fact we're on the same olympic team but here we are arguing and we have been since the day you found out the line up for this team! I only have eyes for you, goddamnit! My heart is yours only the same way your heart is mine. Always. That's our promise, remember?"
Kiyoomi can hear the desperation in his own voice and it's making him cringe. Lately, he's been subconsciously keeping tally of all the times he sounds like a wounded animal in front of Atsumu.
To Kiyoomi, this means when he's practically pleading the other to just stop being such an ass.
"Frankly, i don't feel like your heart is only mine" Atsumu huffs out and at any other time Kiyoomi would think he looks adorable with his cheeks puffed out like this but there are tears pricking at Kiyoomi's eyes because Atsumu is always like this.
It feels like they're the most perfect couple in the world when they aren't arguing, always promising each other that they're only theirs.
Always, they make sure that the other remembers. But it feels like Atsumu completely throws all that out the window when any man nay- any PERSON comes near kiyoomi and kiyoomi feels so suffocated.
It's all thrown out the window when Atsumu, out of no where, picks fights with Kiyoomi over some stupid thing that they should have been over for months now.
It's all thrown out the window when Atsumu chooses to act like a complete child paired with the biggest asshole in the world, throwing curses at Kiyoomi.
It's all thrown out the window when Kiyoomi calls Atsumu out on his asshole act and instead of listening to him, Atsumu chooses to become even more of an asshole and Kiyoomi is so out of words for how frustrated he is with the person he loves the most because he's been trying so hard for so long and it only feels like it's getting worse.
"Why do i always feel like i have to keep proving myself to you? We've been together for how long, atsumu? Almost 2 years now? Where's the promise you made me? The one where you said you'd at least try to change your toxic trait of being so harsh when you get insecure because you know how your words can seriously hurt me? Or the one where we'd both be compromising for each other when we encounter a road bump? You were the one who told me you wanted to change and, being the supportive boyfriend i am for you, i'm trying to help you do just that but it feels like you don't even want to change for yourself." Kiyoomi can hear his pulse and his chest feels tight. Kiyoomi isn't usually a sensitive man, he can take a few punches to the gut from other people but Miya Atsumu has become his weakness and unfortunately also the person who's able to hurt him the most.
"So what, you want me to change then? Suddenly i'm not enough for-"
"For fucks sake, that's not what i'm trying to say, atsumu! That's never what i'm trying to say. We're in a relationship, it's a give and take. I accept that you have your insecurities and i've changed what i can about me when i can about that to fit your needs, always reassuring you when i need to but you also have to do your part and know when things are out of my control." Kiyoomi's voice cracks and he wants to stop talking but he knows he can't just stop there "This is our what? millionth time fighting about Ushijima? Billionth time fighting about things i can't control like people being around me? How will we work if you don't seem like you want to at least help me out on working on your insecurities?"
Kiyoomi knows he's being a little overdramatic with the numbers but he knows that he has to be, being with such a drama queen of a boyfriend.
"Well maybe we shouldn't work. Maybe we should just break up again. Maybe you keep feeling like you have to prove yourself to me because it just isn't enough anymore. Hell, maybe you should just strut back to Wakatoshi-kun, I'm sure he won't make you feel like you're inadequate since he brings you so much comfort. Maybe you should accept the fact that i'm always going to be like this and if that's not for you, then maybe fuck this relationship" and as soon as the words leave Atsumu's mouth, Kiyoomi can see the regret in his eyes but it's too late.
That's all out there now.
"Atsumu, that's enough" the voice of Suna snaps Kiyoomi out of his trance and he realizes that he's full on crying now.
And even like this, Kiyoomi is thinking of ways to defend Atsumu to Suna, who is Atsumu's high school teammate so he should know Atsumu better than anyone, yet he still wants to apologize for him and for making so much noise in their dormitory from all the arguing he's sure he's kept the whole japan national volleyball team awake from their screaming and even for not realising they didn't lock the door on their way inside due to all these intense emotions.
But all Kiyoomi can think about is how Atsumu's past the point of no return–again.
The little hope Kiyoomi holds out for Atsumu during every argument has been squashed into nothing and Kiyoomi's already beaten up heart feels so so heavy.
"Omi, i didn't mean that. Wait-" Atsumu tries to reach out for Kiyoomi but right now Atsumu feels like fire and Kiyoomi doesn't want to get burned so he steps back, tears still streaming down his face because this is the final straw.
There may have been months and months and months of happiness and carefree love between them but there have also been the same amount of months and months and months of crying and arguing for the two and Kiyoomi has had it.
Kiyoomi is so tired of Atsumu being like this.
Kiyoomi is tired of them being like this.
Kiyoomi is tired of this.
"I think it's best if we talk when all of this is over, Atsumu. You're right. I've been so accepting of your insecurities and working around it but maybe i've been accepting the wrong thing." Kiyoomi is thankful that Suna has stepped in between them because he knows that he'd run back into atsumu's arms if he weren't there.
Every other argument would end up in just fucking and pretending it never existed or it would end up with Kiyoomi going the extra mile into compromising for his lovely boyfriend and it's taking so much of Kiyoomi's energy.
"Omi-"
"Don't omi me now, atsumu. I'm going to ask if Bokuto can switch with me for the night and i will see you when all of this is over" He's surprised he's able to even have the strength to resist Atsumu right now, what with all him suddenly going soft on Kiyoomi.
He's always like this though, says the most hurtful things then goes soft and acts like i should pretend he never said anything. This repeated cycle of having to throw away Atsumu's hurtful words even though he ponders on them for so long was chipping away at Kiyoomi's sanity.
"You can take my spot, Sakusa-san. I'll stay with Atsumu. I room with Aran, if that's okay with you" Suna suggests as he turns his head to look at him, they both somehow know what the other is thinking– Atsumu is okay with Aran, he won't cause a huge fit if Sakusa stays in the same room as Aran.
The fact that even at the height of all this emotion, Kiyoomi still has to think about what Atsumu won't cause another fight over, makes his head hurt even more.
"Thank you. It'll only be for this last night" Kiyoomi pushes past Suna so he could pick up a couple of his things and in the corner of his eye he can see Atsumu being held back by his friend, Atsumu's watchful eyes following Sakusa picking up whatever things he'd need for their last day for the medal giving ceremony.
"i'll come back for the rest of my things tomorrow before everyone packs up"
Atsumu can only silently nod because he knows that in the short amount of time that he spewed out daggers at his omi and right now, saying anything else would only further cause the rift between them to widen- as if staying silent would magically make up for the months and months of hurting they've caused one another.
Kiyoomi wordlessly leaves the room, unable to stop the tears spilling from his eyes as he tries to remember which room Suna and Aran stay at, a small duffle bag slung on his shoulder whose weight pales in comparison to how heavy Sakusa's heart feels at the moment.
Omi is tired of this.
____________________
Things are still tense between the two lovers during the present as they still stay silently seated opposite to each other, pride probably in the way of them talking things out.
I want to just hold him, i want him to kiss me silly again, i want us to make love even just for one last time. Kiyoomi's heart is going bat shit crazy in his ribcage from the lack of attention and care from Atsumu (and himself, he thinks) and it's taking so much of Kiyoomi's life force to keep a straight face in front of Atsumu because he will not be the first one to crack.
In all their arguments, he likes to think he's always been the more level headed one between them. Always the one to be the ice breaker, always the one to have to compromise too.
And it's finally come to the point where Kiyoomi has developed so much mannerisms and ticks and fears and insecurities about himself, most of which he didn't even know he had in the first place.
He's come to a point where he has to always cut conversations with his friends short especially if its someone he knows Atsumu can get easily jealous of.
He's come to a point where doesn't even open up to Hinata or Bokuto anymore.
He's come to a point where he doesn't even want to go out by himself anymore, scared he'd piss off his boyfriend.
Months of arguing have lead up to this. Months of screaming at each other, not getting anywhere emotionally before deciding to fuck it lets just have angry sex and pretend nothing's wrong in the morning.
____________________
During the first months of their relationship, waking up next to each other with the sunlight spilling through the blinds especially after a night of love making felt like absolute bliss, arms protectively wrapped around the other with their breathing as the only sound heard from one another.
Jet black eyes would meet with piercing golden brown ones Kiyoomi would always get lost in and, with the faintest smile traced with nothing but sleepiness, they'd just almost telepathically tell each other '5 more minutes' but that could also easily translate to 'i wanna spend more time with you like this. i love you'
But it's been months since they found themselves lovingly tangled with each other in bed, and the sunlight that spills through the blinds feels harsh and scorching hot as they lay next to each other but with their backs facing their lover.
Kiyoomi can feel the sting of Atsumu's scratches on his chest and shoulders, the heat of blooming dark purple hickies on his neck and bruises on other parts of his body, his bones aching from the rigorous fucking they did from last night.
It stings more than usual, and Kiyoomi guiltily disgusted with himself.
'Angry sex again, huh?' Kiyoomi thinks bitterly as he musters up whatever strength he has left to be able to get through the day. This seems like a routine to them by now. Atsumu somehow magically– and quite annoyingly, to Kiyoomi's misfortune– will find something to argue about, they start screaming at each other, then they fuck.
'When was the last time Atsumu made love to me?' There's tears prickling at Kiyoomi's eyes as he turns his head to check on his sleeping boyfriend.
He has the same marks Kiyoomi has, red angry scratches lining his skin and hickies and bruises blooming at various parts of his body. He's no better than him in this toxic cycle.
If they don't end up fucking, it's either they decide to call it quits, ignore each other for a few days or weeks then find each other unable to resist and they fuck it out OR Kiyoomi, out of desperation, will come up with a compromise (one that's a compromise on his part mostly) just to be able to save the relationship.
This isn't healthy anymore. They can't keep doing this. But whenever Kiyoomi tries to think of what they could do just to save the relationship, he comes up empty.
He's tried everything.
He's opened up to Atsumu about his really toxic ways, how he tends to be really passive aggressive and how that's counterproductive in their relationship.
Kiyoomi has tried asking friends for help, that only made atsumu throw a fit, saying that omi is trying to make atsumu look bad to everyone else– which irritated Kiyoomi because, hello? he was only trying to ask them for help, something Kiyoomi ever rarely does because he likes to think he's very independent and capable of handling his own problems, but being with Atsumu has pushed him to do a lot of things that's so out of his character in the name of saving their relationship.
Kiyoomi even tried to suggest couples counselling, but he got so scared of even bringing it up to Atsumu to his face in fear of it starting another fight.
It's gotten to the point that Kiyoomi will try to avoid ANYTHING that would start an argument, which he finds extremely draining on his part, especially when Atsumu still finds something to argue about.
Kiyoomi doesn't even remember what they fought about last night. Hell, Kiyoomi doesn't remember the last maybe 20 fights they had the past few months. It's just been a cycle of something ticking Atsumu off or something he'd find, even the most completely ridiculous thing such as some stranger locking gazes with Sakusa for a little to long, then they'd start screaming each other's heads off.
It was about the olympics, Kiyoomi tries to remember, or at least it was something related to that. They got the news earlier that day about being olympic boyfriends and Kiyoomi wanted to celebrate but for some reason Atsumu had been in such a foul mood, when he finally revealed that it was because Wakatoshi-kun, 'Omiomi's oh so handsome and amazing first love', was also in the line up, Kiyoomi blew a fuse from the amount of irritation that built up because all he wanted was to celebrate being olympic boyfriends for fucks sake and this is what Atsumu's gonna focus on?
But there was a lot of screaming. A lot of threatening, mostly from Atsumu and his passive aggressive tendencies.
"Then fucking leave, if that's what you want. You've been waiting for me to fuck up this whole time anyways so you could get out of this, right?" Atsumu's words will always sting Kiyoomi no matter how many times he'd encounter them– and believe him, it's quite a lot– because why would Kiyoomi ever want for Atsumu to mess up? Atsumu is everything he'd ever hoped for outside of volleyball.
He doesn't even want to remember whatever speech he gave to atsumu after he said that because it's all the same thing to Kiyoomi now. He's always felt so inadequate whenever they fight like this. And it's not like he tried to fight these thoughts. Of course he has.
Atsumu is the sweetest when they're okay. Atsumu is the most thoughtful. Atsumu is funny and is the only person who can make one (1) Sakusa Kiyoomi actually giggle. Atsumu is oh so determined in everything he does especially in volleyball and Kiyoomi's always admired him for that.
But the moment atsumu's insecurities seep in, which have been more often than not the past few months, everything just turns to absolute shit.
"Goodmorning, omi" Kiyoomi almost jumps at the feeling of atsumu's lips on the skin of his shoulders and ah they're pretending to be okay again and, like the good boyfriend he is, Kiyoomi turns his head to greet his tsumtsum with a kiss to his temple, the sickly sweet tone of his own 'good morning, tsumtsum' causing him to inwardly cringe.
It's only a matter of time until he snaps, he's guessing.
____________________
"Atsumu-"
"Omi-" they call for each other at the same time, the first things they've said the whole night, and atsumu lets out a soft sigh "It's really 'atsumu' now, huh?"
Kiyoomi doesn't say anything. He doesn't have the energy to even call him Tsumu or Tsumtsum because kiyoomi is just tired– he's finally snapped.
"This isn't gonna be one of those break ups where we get back together after a few weeks of ignoring each other, is it?" he can hear the tremble in Atsumu's voice and oh my god he wants to go up to him and hug him and kiss him and tell him everything between them is going to be all right.
But Kiyoomi knows if he does that, it's just be him lying to both of them. He loves Atsumu, loves Atsumu just as much as he loves his career and his friends, all a different special place in his heart but the love is definitely there.
He loves Atsumu so much that he doesn't want to let him go, but he knows he needs to.
It's something he knows he has to do. To let this go, a decision he's been absolutely trying to avoid because he doesn't want to lose his Atsumu. But Kiyoomi is starting to lose himself in the process and he can't let this continue any further.
It has to stop.
"I've had enough of the straight up verbal abuse in this relationship and i've been so stupid to keep defending you to everyone. I've defended you to our friends, my family, your own family and even to myself. I love you and i love you so much but you're right, Atsumu" Now Kiyoomi can feel the tremble in his own voice but he braces himself, taking in a shaky breath before continuing "This isn't going to be like our other breakups anymore"
All this was directed toward Atsumu but Kiyoomi knows he needed to really vocalise it so he himself could hear his own words and actually believe it.
Atsumu's eyes are locked in on him and at any other given time Kiyoomi would feel absolutely small under his gaze like this when it's all intense and serious, but right now he's looking at Atsumu and his gaze looks so hollow.
And he knows that it's because it's finally getting through to Atsumu, what this is all about.
They aren't healthy for each other anymore.
Because yeah, every relationship has it's ups and downs. And yeah they say if you really loved the person, you'd accept everything they are without reservations, but whoever said that forgot to mention that sometimes what you have to accept is wether or not everything they are is too much to handle.
And it's become very clear to the both of them what they have to really accept– they aren't made for one another, not when they're like this.
Not when, even after months of trying, Kiyoomi still cries himself to sleep because of his developed insecurities of himself due to feeling so inadequate for Atsumu.
Not when, even after a million tries of talking about it, Atsumu will refuse to stand down and still continue on his passive aggressive insecure little man ways.
Not when, even after defending Atsumu in his honour to his friends, everyone (mostly Hinata, Bokuto, and Komori) can see and will point out the tiredness in Kiyoomi's eyes when they have alone time with him.
“I’m not even going to ask because i already know” Komori had told him one time, referring to the redness and puffiness of Kiyoomi’s eyes, during brunch after a night of arguing with Atsumu over something Kiyoomi doesn’t even have the energy to try to remember.
They're both at an age wherein they'd like to believe that they've gone through a lot in life already, both together and separately. Maybe Kiyoomi will always get a little too sensitive and hurt over Atsumu's words and maybe Atsumu will never stop letting out those words that feel like ice cold daggers to Kiyoomi's heart.
It's time to finally face things for what they are.
Wordlessly, Atsumu gets up from his seat and walks over to Kiyoomi, who finds himself on his feet as well, the tiniest fear of another scream fest striking his heart but Atsumu only reaches down to hold his hands.
And oh how Atsumu's hands feel so cold right now, the tips of his thumbs that Kiyoomi used to kiss only after atsumu washes his hands now gently caressing over kiyoomi's knuckles. These hands that fit so perfectly in his feel so cold right now and Kiyoomi can hear Atsumu take in a deep breath.
"I really put you through all that, huh?" he sniffles, obviously trying to fight back the tears that threaten to spill from his eyes, very opposite to Kiyoomi who's always been so vulnerable in front Atsumu, tears already blurring his vision "Maybe we really have been accepting the wrong things about each other all this time"
Kiyoomi finally agrees with what Atsumu is saying, fucking finally they're on the same page. Unfortunately for them, it's at the end of what they everyone thought would be a beautiful relationship if things had gone differently.
"Not that you don't deserve to be accepted flaws and all, but i've lost all hope that the person who does that for you is me" and curse the tiny hiccup that Kiyoomi lets out at the end of that sentence, he has to be the strong one in this.
He's the one finally letting all this go no matter how painful it is for the both of them, because he loves Atsumu so much he doesn't want to be selfish anymore.
Atsumu finally lets his tears fall, a huge contrast to the hearty chuckle that rumbles from his chest. He's laughing at my hiccup, that fucker– and Atsumu lets go of one of Kiyoomi's hands to cup his cheek.
"Can i at least have one final kiss?" Atsumu's signature smug smirk paints his expression and as much as Kiyoomi wants to punch this man right now, he knows his heart will threaten him to stop beating if he doesn't relish in the love of Miya Atsumu for one last time.
And that's what they do. They have one final kiss, until it becomes another, and then another, each one more passionate than the last. It's sloppy, and quite salty from the tears their both letting spill from their eyes but neither give a shit about it right now because they both know this is the last time they're going to be in each other's presence like this.
Atsumu is gentle with Kiyoomi the same way Kiyoomi is gentle with Atsumu that night, both spilling their heart out at each other through actions. There's no harsh biting, no scratching down each other's backs, no gripping at the other's hips or shoulders so hard bruises would form and they're able to say they made love for the last time even if it meant they were saying goodbye. It's bittersweet, really.
And so Kiyoomi wakes up the next morning with an ache through out his whole body, similar to the kind of ache after every angry sex session they'd have but completely different in effect, but that ache pales in comparison to how much his heart misses the warmth of Atsumu's body on their bed– he knows it's empty.
He knows because Atsumu's warmth is the first thing his hands sought out to only to be greeted with cold, empty sheets.
He didn't even stay they night, Kiyoomi's brain supplies him as the space in the bed was cold and barren of any trace of a Miya Atsumu.
His heart aches because he and Atsumu are finally over. But also, he can't help but notice how the weight on his shoulders feel like it's disappeared and he knows it's because he and Atsumu are finally over.
Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi were always meant to cross paths, Kiyoomi tells himself. They were meant to meet at some point, make stupid promises to each other like always and they were meant to share love. But they both now know that no matter how much fight you put into keeping each other from drifting away, if you aren't meant to be together in the end, you'll just have to accept it.
He'll always love Miya Atsumu. He knows that. Unlike the fleeting high school puppy love Ushijima Wakatoshi and he shared all those years ago, which was in all honesty quite pleasing to look back at because it was innocent and bright and everything a teenager should experience at least once in their teenage lives, the love he has for Miya Atsumu was intense and both calming and irritating.
The love he has for Atsumu is ever consuming and he doesn't mind that. It's a kind of love not everyone is required to experience, but Kiyoomi is still thankful that he did. Things were always intense both in the best and the worst way and it may have lead to the demise of their relationship, but he'll always be thankful for one (1) Miya Atsumu.
Miya Atsumu will forever be his bittersweet always.
____________
small author’s note: this is the first thing i’ve posted on my tumblr and i just really wanted to get this out ‘cause this is kind of a reflection and is very similar to my last relationship (excluding the parts where i’m a pro volleyball player ofc lmao) so i kinda just wrote this from experience (i’m sentimental like that) and am currently on a sakuatsu brain rot roll recently so :// im so sorry atsumu ik ur not this big of an ass pls
#haikyuucreations#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#sakusa kiyoomi#miya atsumu#angst#haikyuu angst#sakuatsu#i made atsumu an asshole#im sorry atsumu#omisuffer
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