#i listen to internet friends like twice a day

[sygiandepths]

Even tarantulas aren't immune from an ambush.

1/2 rq for @that0nekid12

[writingbyshiloh]

Third Time's the Charm

Request: Hii,if your request are still open can i request something for Gen V?Can you write something where Jordan and fem reader are childhood best friends and Jordan had always been in love with her but they feel insecure because they don’t know if reader will like them in both forms romantically?So when,in ep 3,Jordan dad goes like “Y/n and Jordan will be husband and wife” reader goes “Maybe we will be wife and wife”because she loves Jordan just like they are?

AN: Reader wants to be the first supe president (just to explain why they’re at the gala), I changed the timeline of the ep a tiny bit. I have another request about meeting Jordan's parents but that one might be more angsty.

CW: fem!reader, kissing, no beta, Jordan's parents are just their warning. The start is all flashbacks so I may have slipped on the tense a few times, no beta

WC: 2.0K

Jordan Li was your first kiss. Twice. The first time was in kindergarten, when they tried to kiss you and you smacked them with your Queen Mauve lunch box. Your second first kiss (the one you consider your actual first kiss) was done by you while playing truth or dare at 14. After picking a dare, you were asked to kiss the best-looking guy in the group. You shrugged and picked your best friend - Jordan. 

At age six, they were there when you broke your ankle trying to see if you could fly (you couldn’t). When you did get powers, they were the first person you told.

When Jordan came out to you as bigender, you did an internet deep-dive, trying to understand as much as possible.

Jordan listened to every interaction you had with your high school crush while quietly dying inside, wanting you to be happy. When your high school boyfriend cheated on you and then dumped you for the girl he cheated with, Jordan was there, ready to sink hours into their Xbox to keep you distracted.

The worst week of your life was when you didn't speak to Jordan for 9 whole days. You got into a petty argument where you called them self-absorbed and they called you clingy. The fight snowballed into yelling arguments and ended with you receiving a cold shoulder from Jordan. 

When Jordan got their wisdom teeth removed, you camped out in their room, snuggled under their duvet with them to watch Property Brothers for two days straight. You even made sure they took their painkillers on time and used ice packs.

Every fight with their parents, you were outside in your car ready to pick up Jordan to stay with you. Once you showed up at their house at 6:03 am, eyes blurry with sleep and still in pyjamas. Jordan was crying, bob haircut looked messy from sleep. You drove them to Vought-A-Burger, still half asleep and ate greasy breakfast sandwiches in your car until Jordan stopped crying. 

Jordan was even your date to prom, taking photos with you in their masculine form to get their parents off their back. Once their parents were happy, you snuck them back to yours, where you stashed their prom dress. 

You both even applied to God U together. Too nervous to check your acceptance, Jordan checked yours and you checked theirs. Sitting across from each other on your bed you both log in before giving the laptops to each other.

“Okay, three, two, one…” you counted down, opening Jordan’s laptop. Your eyes scanned for any promising words like congratulations, or welcome. "Accepted" was the first word your eyes caught but you need to fuck with them.

“Jord… I’m so sorry.” You start. Their face falls, and you feel like a dick for doing this. But the opportunity is too good to pass up. “That you believed me! Because you got in!”

They lunged across your bed to see what the screen says. You saw Jordan's eyes scan the same letter you just read, picking out the same words. 

“You’re such an asshole!” they told you, rolling their eyes, gently hitting your arm with the back of their hand

You’ve never been shy about showering Jordan with compliments. Saved in screenshots never to see the light of day, Jordan has kept some of them. 

You: OMG!!! Jordan you’re so pretty. I’m so lucky to call you my friend. 

You: You’re so handsome!!! I love your hair slicked back! If she doesn’t agree you need to drop her. 

You: ur a solid 9/10. Lost a point for not giving me a sip of your drink yesterday lol

Jordan Li has been in love with you since age 16. Probably earlier, if they want to admit that to themselves. You’ve only ever expressed interest in men so they kept their feelings to themselves, not wanting to make you uncomfortable, figuring it was better to have you as a friend only than not at all. 

In your first year, you were even roommates. While Jordan flourished in crim, you bounced between majors before settling into politics.

Every time you brought some frat guy to your shared dorm, Jordan died inside. Trying to get over their long-standing crush, Jordan did the same.

When Jordan made number 2 on the top five, you celebrate with them. Maybe a bit too hard that night.

You were there when their ranking dropped after the death of Brink. A man you only met twice, but you would do anything for Jordan. Especially given how hard you fell for both versions of them last year.

“I’m going to try to tag team with your dad, get some points for you and keep him engaged, yeah?” You ask over your shocker. Jordan is behind you, ready to help with zipper duty for your dress.

“You don’t have to.”

You let out a small scoff. “Dude. I’m doing poli supe. Schmoozing with rich people is like half our courses. Zip me up please.”

“How long have you known Jordan? You seem to be a good couple.” The man you and Jordan's dad suckered into a conversation asks. He's sitting beside Jordan's parents, while you and Jordan are on the edge of some fancy pit or table. 

“Well, these two have known each other pretty well over the years. Jordan tried to kiss her when they were kids, and she hit him with her Black Noir lunch box.”

“It was a Queen Mauve lunch box, actually.” You say with a laugh.

“And she called him ‘Jojo’ for probably the next two years out of spite.” Kayla laughs. It's a special embarrassment when your parents tell stories about your childhood. All the stories are about you but it's been so long ago you can’t remember any of it. Jordan looks worse off, slouchy posture against the banister, while you sit next to him. Part of you wants to tell him to sit up straight, but you figure you can play the grief angle better this way. 

“Oh, and remember when Jordan got his wisdom teeth out? You guys were inseparable. I think I still have the photo of you two passed out watching TV!” Kayla gushes, reaching for her phone to find the photo.

“We all thought you two would be president and First Gentleman.” Dad insists. Your smile is fake and tight, knowing if Paul pulls out prom photos, you would have to quietly fling yourself out of a window. 

Maybe you drank a bit too much liquid courage. Maybe the tension between them and their parents was getting to you. To give Jordan some space, you took their parents for a tour of your classes, knowing they’ll be talking to your family when they go back to Rochester.

Jordan shifting doesn’t even cause you to raise an eyebrow, the subtle sound just blurs into the background.

“Or president and First Lady.” You blurt out, four pairs of eyes darting towards you. “First supes in the Whitehouse? It would be political dynamite.”

“You like this version of Jordan?” Dad asks with bewilderment.

“Of course. I like Jordan because of how smart and driven they are. I like Jordan because of their weird sense of humour. It doesn’t matter what they look like.” you say, trying to prove it to their parents, but also to them. You’ve picked up on their crush many times, too kind to say something that would embarrass them or hurt them. It’s only recently how much you found yourself staring at fem Jordan and wanting to kiss her too. 

“I’m going to go and mingle some more.” says the man, Brad or Rob maybe. You forgot his name right after you met him. His words are like a bucket of cold water was dumped over you. You don’t confess your feelings to Jordan just to Jordan, but in front of their judgy parents, and a possible donner. You need to go. 

You stand and straighten out your dress. 

“I’m going to go too. Other donors to talk to. Go Jordan!" You finish with an awkward laugh and even more cringy go team! gesture by yourself. 

You didn't lie to Jordan and their parents. You did go and talk to other donors but it twists your stomach every time you bring up how amazing their grades are, or how skillful they are at fighting. After donor number three gives you an answer that technically was “we’ll see” but heavily implied to be "yes for Jordan” you went to hide in the bathroom. You have enough battery left on your V-phone to keep it going for most of the night. Tomorrow you can talk to Jordan and hope you don’t fuck it all up. 

You barely look up when the door opens, already have done too much for the day to care who it is. 

‘Hey, can we talk?” You snap to attention at the voice. Of course, you know that voice. It's Jordan, still feminine presenting. 

“Fuck, Jord, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have spring that on you. I promise I’ll just go back and try to get you some votes, you’re going through a lot.” You say, in a rush to get the words out, desperate not to fuck up you’re friendship. The rim of the sink is hard against your back but you can’t help but shrink into it. 

“Did you mean it?” They ask, still keeping a distance from you.

“Yeah, of course, I don’t want to ruin this friendship.”

“No, what you said in front of my parents.” 

Oh right. Your confession. Fuck. It's already out there, might as well keep it going. 

“I may, uh-” you curse yourself for leaving your drink outside the bathroom, wanting something in your hands to stall. “-have a crush. On you. My best friend.” You twist your hands together, wishing Jordan didn’t look so pretty. If your heart beats any faster you may go into cardiac arrest. 

It's Jordan that indicates your third first kiss. It's gentle, and fast, like the second one. She pulls back quickly, but you run your fingers through her hair and pull her closer. The intensity from the first first kiss is still there, only this time you both share it. Her hand smooths up to your face, thumb stroking your cheek in a silent invitation to open your mouth. You comply, and tilt your head into her palm. Her tongue sweeps into your mouth and you can taste the champagne they were drinking. 

The sound of the door opening makes you both jump.

“Stall?” You ask, voice low and hushed. You squirm out from where she has you between the sink and her. You push the door open to the nicest-looking stall, desperate to keep kissing Jordan. They follow your lead eagerly, one hand wrapped around your shoulder to keep you near. 

Dipping their head, they softly kiss your jaw before moving onto your neck. You silently thank the other two women arguing in the bathroom so that your gasp goes unnoticed. Giving Jordan's hair a small tug, you pull them back up to you. The shit-eating grin they flash you makes you want to almost get caught again. 

Your free hand moves to their waist, trying to get as close to them as physically possible. 

You pull back slightly, wanting so desperately to get lost in the moment, but the commotion in the other stall is distracting. Plus you’re nosey.

Jordan frowns when you pull away, eyes scanning your face for something they did wrong. You shake your head and tip it over to the stall.

“The fuck?” They mouth to you, hand still around your shoulder.

You gently push Jordan against the door to give yourself space to squat down. You see two pairs of feet in the stall across the wall. You hear the voices quiet down, before the sound of someone peeing. You frown slightly, weird fetish to do at a memorial gala but you hear rumours about students into more fucked up shit. 

“We should get outta here.” You whisper to Jordan. 

“Weird place for our third first kiss.” Jordan whispers back. You reach around them to unlock the stall door. Third first kiss. You replay the words in your head, a warm feeling blooming in your chest. 

You gently push them out of the stall, trying to keep your laughs quiet as you both scurry past the other couple in the stall. 

[skrrts]

here in the rain, will you smile again? (oneshot)

✧ gn!reader x jeong yunho ✧ former high school sweethearts ✧ genre: non idol, romance, sad, still in love, comfort ✧ word count: 5,4k ✧ warnings: mention of heartbreak, insecurities, painful breakup in the past, crying

Jeong Yunho was more than your high school sweetheart; he was the love of your life, although you only understood it later, regretting how the two of you let your parents force you to break up to focus on your academic future. You never believed in fate, but that day, when you crossed the street in the pouring rain and saw him: soaked, the flowers of a bouquet falling on the street as he was waiting for somebody who would not come. Maybe it always had meant to be that way because, in the end, you always knew the two of you belonged together.

a/n: so far, my one-shots for him have been very sweet and soft, so i wanted to write something different. mostly a short story of high school sweethearts reuniting because they never really stopped loving each other. (it does have a happy ending)

You looked up to the sky, the heavy grey clouds swallowed even the smallest hint of sunshine. Autumn had come quietly just like every year and before you knew it, Summer was gone, the leaves started to change their color like a sad love song that everyone knew but nobody really wanted to listen to. You were glad now that you had a diligent friend such as Seonghwa who sent you a text not to forget your umbrella this morning because he knew you would have otherwise.

The workday had been short, really. When you arrived at the office in the morning, the internet already had been off, and there really only could be so much done when your programs mainly required to be connected to the digital online network. It had been some time since you last had a free afternoon in the middle of the week but it was a good thing. Every vacation, you just pressured yourself to shove as much as possible in the one or two weeks, to feel like it was worth it but it being so unexpected, maybe it would be fun just to go with whatever came to mind.

While the rain wasn’t the most inviting condition, you were used to it. In the small town you came from, the rain was as much a local as the several hundred people living there. As memories dwelled up, you shoved them aside and stared down at your smartphone instead, thumb brushing over to scroll through a few recommendations. It was sweet, that you found this little forum where people from different parts of the city recommended their favorites a few weeks ago and now finally had an excuse to try it. You hated crowded places and it was welcoming to go somewhere you could count on to be nice.

“This looks cute,” your gaze stopped on a small café which wasn’t too far from here. If you cheated and took the crossing at the cinema, you would be there in no time. The idea of a cup of big green tea was nice right now, maybe together with a slice of cake. You worked extra hard lately, and your latest project was a big success. 

You sighed as you finally stepped ahead and through the rain, trying to dodge little puddles of rainwater. From a career perspective, everything worked out for you. Thanks to some networking during college, you snatched a job with plenty of potential right after graduation, and from there, you steadily worked yourself up, you even only had two sick days in three years at this company. 

Your private life, on the other hand, it was hard to really say it existed and that wasn’t because you lacked free time, actually, if anything your work schedule was steady, your employer one to ensure that they could market themself with an accurate work-life balance. You had friends, went to the gym twice a week and a cutea pet bunny waited for you at home because your landlord wasn’t accepting bigger pets. 

Love just never worked out for you but there was no reason to waste time searching for advice online, going to speed dating, or having your friends set you up with somebody. The reason was always so obvious to you.

You already found the love of your life once, during those cursed high school years you often still yearned back for, not because life had been easier but because he still was in it. Nobody ever could live up to him because he had been the right one for you and you always believed it had been the same for him. 

It wasn’t that you tried but somehow…

You shook your head, trying not to let your throat go dry again because your body always still reacted to it, even after seven years, it was as it could remember the feeling from that day, when you called for his name and his brother finally pulled him away because both of your parents agreed you were a distraction to each other because you wanted to go to the same college, spending every free minute side by side, leading to his parents to forcefully make him change high school for his final year.

“Tch,” you rubbed over your eyes, stopping as stupid tears dwelled on it. Why was it that love like that would not go away? Yes, this too you would not mind, you often silently prayed to your heart to release you but it would not, clinging stupidly to a hope that did not exist.

Fate did not exist.

Somebody stumbled into you, only rushing an apology and a quick bow because it led to you dropping your umbrella. You cursed a little, more so scolding yourself to be lost in those silly old memories on a free afternoon when your gaze caught a figure. 

It was difficult to say what it was, maybe the familiarity you just never shook off, maybe it was because there was so much sadness about it that your own seemed almost like nothing.

He must have been standing in the pouring rain for some time, his clothes soaking, hair clinging to his face and the bouquet of flowers started to slowly crumble to the ground, little leaves falling as it was not made to withstand the angry autumn weather. 

Your heart was beating loudly, a drumming in your ears that even the traffic sound disappeared and all you could do was … walk. Your body was already on its way, it refused for your mind to actually step in, telling it how considering he had been waiting for somebody, quite obviously a person important, this was not the moment to make it worse.

Fate said: fuck you, I exist, now have your punishment for doubting me!

When you took the last stair, your steps finally slowed and you needed a moment to make it to his side. Carefully, yet gently your hand leaned forward and then, the world around you disappeared, all that was left was that small space underneath your umbrella.

“You shouldn’t stand here like that in the rain without an umbrella,” your voice scolded him gently.

Jeong Yunho looked up when your voice reached him. 

Why was it that he was crying when he saw you?

Yunho had known, this date was a foolish idea but what could he do about it? His heart yearned to be loved and to love, to have somebody who would smile at him and allow for his embrace to gently curl around. Lazy morning in bed, holding hands while walking through the city, ignoring the dull landscape autumn brought to it every time and a smile. He wanted to see a smile that would make his heart race.

It wasn’t a fantasy he desired to make true but a memory of something he had held until he lost it because of his wrongdoing. He wasn’t able to be the son his parents wanted and so, he did what they asked of him.

What would you do when you were seventeen, madly in love but also a child who wanted to make his parents proud, who believed so much in them that surely, they knew best?

He doubted it, the moment you screamed his name, asking him not to go and how his brother pulled him back to the car. Yet, both of you had accepted it, you lowered your heads to make your families proud and in return, his heart felt empty ever since. Nobody managed to fill it because nobody was you.

No, he didn't want any love, he wanted yours. He always did because once, it had been his.

Sure, the little flirts at his workplace had been sincere from his side or he told himself so, that woman was quick to return it but maybe as she learned how Yunho had this cliche dream of a simple life with a little family of his own, she changed her mind.

He felt like a fool standing in front of the cinema with flowers, knowing already half an hour later that she would not come, but not even the rain chased him away because maybe he wanted to cling to the hope that he was good enough for somebody, that maybe all it needed was time and they would be here, take him for who he was. Maybe he did not lose all the rights with you, but then would it be fair? Because deep down he just wanted ...

So he waited. For two hours. And then, he was found.

It was as the world cleared up, the rain stopped falling and a face came into view that was as beautiful as yesterday, yet so different that he could not deny he’d have been a little shy.

You held the umbrella right above him, scolding him for standing in the pouring rain.

Yunho’s mouth opened but no words were coming out as he was staring at you, the way how you had grown up so much but there was still all of the sweetness in your features he had fallen so hard for the first time back in junior year of High School, when introduced yourself as his science partner for the year. 

The damn tears wouldn't stop now.

You never were shy to do whatever it needed to make those you loved smile, even if it likely meant hurting yourself in the process.

To make him smile in the middle of the rain in a city, after seven years apart.

“Sorry I’m late, I got I was a little distracted. Are those for me?” 

It took Yunho a moment to realize you were pointing to the flowers in his hands which now were only a sad reflection of their earlier state.

He spent twenty minutes trying to choose a pair and only now, he realized he had gotten your favorite flowers. How did not pay attention to this sooner?

The world seemed to be standing still, that moment when Yunho wondered what he was doing. He waited and waited and he never … went back to you although it was all he wanted but he was undeserving.

So why were you here like that? 

And then you stepped closer and reached out for his cheek, he froze under the touch but your hand was soft and gentle. “Don’t cry, I am sorry I am late.” 

Your voice was a soft whisper and you brushed a tear away from his cheek before taking the flowers carefully from his hands. “Mh, I guess we do not have to worry about giving them water then any time soon. Here, let’s go. Get you somewhere warm and dry.”

Your hand grabbed him and you pulled him along, inside the cinema where a few people threw glances at you, no surprise, thinking how his appearance must have looked to any of them. 

Finally, after minutes must have passed, Yunho found his voice again, although it was far from its usual self: “Y/N?” It was as he needed confirmation that this was truly you and you were here with him.

“Sh, sit! We can worry about the rest later.”

You replied and pulled the wet scarf from his neck and forced him to shrug out of his coat. His cheeks started to turn red as he watched how you took care of him, using your own scarf to ruffle his hair a little more dry, and looked over his figure.

“Why are you so reckless? Standing in the rain like that. You always get a cold so easily,” you finally sat still and looked at him.

Yunho no longer could change it, he had to reach out and cup your face and you held still like you understood he needed to do this to be sure, that you really just had come back to him.

You always came running towards him while all he was doing was waiting. 

“I guess, I was waiting for you,” he whispered and hated how his eyes got wet again, how the tears would not stop from floating. The moment your arms curled around him, he found himself burying his face against your shoulder, feeling your hands soothingly brushing over the back of his neck. 

“It’s okay, I am here now. There, no reason to worry about it. I won’t go anywhere.” 

It didn’t feel like seven years were apart this moment and the last time you held each other in your arms just like that.

Yet, the familiarity finally managed to make him relax and he whispered your name again, wanting to make sure you knew.

It was hard seeing Yunho like that, his beautiful smile absent from his handsome face. Maybe it was a stupid idea for you to act like that, to say the things you did but then, was it? Did you not just admit to yourself how you longed for him, waiting for anything even close to what the two of you once shared to come into your life? 

People were staring, they always did and you did not worry about it, let them watch how somebody had a hard day. If they knew how seven years, almost a decade of separation was between the two of you, would they still?

Yunho finally seemed to relax, his fingers now took your hands and he looked at them like it was the first time, his thumb brushing over the soft skin. There was no rush, now that the two of you sat here together, if anything rush was what you feared, the thought of him leaving pushed far into the back of your mind.

“My apartment is close by,” Yunho finally said. “If you do not mind we skip the movie, I guess you are right and I should get something dry to wear.” 

Even if he tried to hide just how nervous he was to ask you that, it was easy to tell because you knew him better than anyone else and it seemed, the love of your life did not change to much, even with seven years passing by since you last held him in your arms.

It was the tears in his eyes back in the rain that made you do this, your heart could not take it to see him like that, not after longing for the softness of his smile for so long. In that moment, all that mattered had been to stop those tears but you noticed them constantly threatening to return in the edge of his eyes.

“That seems like a good idea, let’s get you there then;” you nodded and carefully picked up the flowers again, waiting for Yunho to slip back into the wet coat but when you reached for the umbrella, he shook his head: “Let me take this one for us. You haven’t gotten very tall still, so this will be easier.”

His little joke helps you to relax and you nod: “Sounds good.”

Back in high school, the two of you often would walk like that to school, when it would not stop raining just back then you were holding hands and talking about silly nonsense. It seemed so far away now with the buzzing streets of the city, and people rushing by to be done with their day. You wondered if Yunho was thinking something similar: Did he think about all the past memories or maybe, even wish to reach out for your hand? 

You would take it without hesitation.

“There we are,” his gentle voice made you look up and you were surprised just how close it had been. There was an odd feeling in your stomach, thinking how often you walked this street to work but you never knew your high school sweetheart was living here.

At least, the guilt shrank a little when you stepped in and it was easy to see that Yunho only must have moved in recently, a dozen boxes still standing around, some halfway opened.

“It’s a little messy. I used to work at a different branch, I only came here like two months ago… I kept finding excuses to take my time with it,” he explained, likely having noticed your gaze. He placed the umbrella next to the door and stripped it out of his streetwear. You were here to ensure that he would be okay but Yunho instantly fell back into his patterns.

He always put everyone else first, especially you and he was quick to offer you some comfortable slippers, some that brought some color to his cheek because they had the shape of cute dogs. 

“Do you want something to drink? Soda, coffee, tea? I also have water, of course!” He looked at you with his big eyes and if you wouldn’t know better, he seemed nervous.

“How about I make us some tea and you change into something dry? I am sure I can find everything I need for that,” you replied, giving him a small and playful shove, ignoring that you no longer were teens but two people in their mid-20s working big jobs. 

There was a small pout on his face, followed by a sigh: “Fineee, I shall be going. See you in a minute.” You couldn’t hold back the chuckle when you watched him almost racing to what seemingly was his bedroom. 

After shrugging out of your shoes and jacket, you put up your scarf to dry before moving over to the kitchen area, putting the poor bouquet into a glass of clear water before slowly opening the cabinets which proved to be a challenge. Damn Yunho was a giant and everyday necessities were stored at a height comfortable for him, so you needed to grab a stool to reach the packages of tea. You were quite sure to hear a wardrobe often a few times too often in the bedroom, and small hisses which made you smile.

When the two of you went on your first date, it was a little like that too. His mother had told you to wait but when still wasn’t there after fifteen minutes, you sneaked upstairs to find him being lost of what to wear best to impress you. You shook your head, reminding yourself that this was different, and poured two cups of tea. 

The place felt like him, small little details were making it comfortable and warm. You sat down on the couch and allowed your gaze to wander until it got stuck on one particular photo on the wall: it was the class picture from the last yearbook before he was forced to change schools. 

“Feels like an eternity, right”? his warm voice filled the air and you met with his smile. His hair was still wet but he had changed into an oversized knitted sweater, showing a little bit of collarbone, and a fresh pair of jeans. Somehow, it made him look younger again.

“Right? I can’t believe we are supposed to have one of those class meetings next year, I really do not feel that old yet,” you casually joked back before leaning over, and offering him the other cup of tea: “There you go, you need to warm up, even with dry clothes.” 

He made a face but listened, sitting down next to you. When you saw he wasn’t even wearing socks, you sighed because there were many memories of small summer colds because Yunho just was so reckless.

“You really are something, Jeong Yunho!” Your arm reached over and you grabbed a blanket, starting to wrap him up until you were satisfied he looked warm and comfortable.

“I’m fine, I promise,” he replied, muttering into the tea. It seemed neither of you really wanted to ask or talk about how exactly he had ended up in the rain like that. Instead, you sat down on the couch next to him, turning around to cross your legs and sipping on your own tea. It was not really hard to see he had so many questions, and so did you.

“My workplace is really nearby, our internet went off today and I suddenly found myself with a free afternoon;” you started, just to offer him anything.

“Maybe it’s time for a cat, you know? I am going towards my thirties now, being a single cat owner is almost mandatory to me but the firm who owns my complex says no. I got a bunny instead, do you want to see a photo?” 

It was so easy just to chat with Yunho, and tell him everything and nothing important. Your mind just settled with a habit you forgot you once had and you leaned over to show him the photo of the white fuzzy loop bunny. “This is Fluffs, yes I named him so because he just has too much fur but he is very patient when it comes to brushing.”

Yunho looked up, giving you a silly smile: “Right, so much to your talent of naming things.” You both laughed together and he was looking at the photos you showed him but all so often, you could feel his gaze on your face.

Did you mention being single on purpose? Yes, because you did not want to waste time on those things when instead, you would selfishly just take anything he’d give to you, ignoring that every day eventually had an end.

“I think, those were all,” you nodded and kept your phone in your hands, hesitant before offering it to him, looking away.

“You know… if you give me your number, I could send you photos of him here and then?”

Now you finally really blushed and you could see how Yunho seemed happy about it. He bowed and took the phone, saving his number before offering it back: “I am waiting patiently for updates.” 

It was when your fingers touched again and for a moment, the two of you held in and looked at each other. The cups both rested on the small couch table at this point and allowed for Yunho to be just a little daring because he was leaning closer, the blanket slipping off his shoulder. And then, his big hands rested on your face, one gently cupping your chin as your eyes met.

Words would be hard right now, there was no way to describe the sorrow of separation, the years of yearning and looking for something only one other person could give you. Regret would be wasted because there was no way to bring back what was lost but maybe, there was something true about the saying how one still had this very moment.

If this had been a movie, viewers would be disappointed now, because there was no kiss, no deep devotion of love. Yunho allowed his forehead to rest against yours, his arms finally curled around your body and he pulled you closer. His face was properly buried against his neck and you could feel the tears against your skin, the way his body tensed, and then, the small soft sobs that escaped him. 

You did not know why Yunho was in so much sorrow. Of course, your heartbreak had been intense too, you did not even go to prom on your graduation because all you could think was how he was not there. And in every important event of your life since, when couples embraced, your coworkers were picked up by their spouse, you thought of him.

Yeah, you really were a pitiful thing because how could you think of him every time but you never managed to get yourself out there looking? Times had been there, once, when you met his brother but he would not tell you anything other than Yunho was doing fine… and you just left it like that. 

“Hey there, look at me,” you finally very slowly moved after letting him cry for some time, now you captured his face: “It’s okay.”

But you could read it off his face: “It’s my fault. If not for me being so careless, we never would have broken up and I’d not … you’d not have to cry so much.”

You were relieved that he was not withdrawing but only looked away: “I was… stupid. I thought, that so many people had done it before so why not us? I meant to wait until we had graduated…But my mom found it and then she just lost it. My parents wouldn’t listen when I told them it was not like that, how it did not mean I planned not going to college, just that we wanted to go together and how I’d not see why not…”

Yunho seemed not to hold it back much longer but only a few things made sense. You could remember that day, in the morning everything had been perfect until you two came back from a small summer trip. His and your parents sitting together, then telling you how the relationship they supported for two years suddenly was no longer acceptable, how it would affect your grades and future, so they would no longer allow for it.

The way you both begged them, saying it wasn’t true and how you would surely go to college, do all of those things but they would not have it, Yunho’s parents already signed him into another high school.

“What do you mean?” you carefully asked, thumb brushing over his cheek.

“I brought a ring, from the money I made at the Summer job. I knew it would be the last chance to save up before college. I wanted to propose to you when we would have graduated, I knew how dumb I was back then but I just knew that you should be the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. When my mother found the ring by accident… she misunderstood it.”

Your mouth formed a small "Oh" because suddenly, it made sense. Yunho’s parents were kind people, but they always would do what they thought was best for their son and finally, you understood. Yunho must have blamed himself for all of this in the past seven years. The thought pained you greatly.

“Oh Yunho, we were barely seventeen and our parents had all of those great hopes and dreams for how the lives of their children should be. This is not your fault,” you pulled him into another hug and his tall form clung to you.

This was not his fault and suddenly, you came to accept nor was it yours. Yes, you could have looked for him but back then, there was nothing you could have done in that very moment, except to be reckless but this would not have been who you fell in love with. You two were in love but always caring for your families, like most kids.

For a moment, you hesitated and it was a foolish question but it blurred out before you knew it: “Do you still have it…?”

He knew exactly what you were talking about and moved back a little, his arm rubbing over his eyes in an attempt to get rid of the tears.

Yunho stood up slowly, moving to one of the boxes before he opened it. You remembered that silly shoe box he pulled out, covered in stickers and polaroids you took together. His fingers were gentle when he revealed a small satin box and walked back over to you.

There was a moment of hesitation before he opened it to show you the ring. It was delicate but simple, just a small silver band with yours and his name craved in and likely room for a date for the day of the proposal. It really suited him but also you because you never liked bulky or lavish details in jewelry. 

“It’s beautiful,” you whispered and he looked at you. Yunho swallowed before he moved to sit a little closer to you again. His beautiful hands were almost a little shaking when he lifted your left hand, waiting for a moment to see if you’d pull back but when you did not, the ring slipped on your finger and even after all those years, it was a perfect fit.

“It was always meant for you, so you should have it,” he whispered. This time, you were the one to shift, moving towards him and placing yourself onto his lap. 

“Yunho, you know I always waited for you, right? Even if I was so foolish this once not to rush towards you… nobody ever could fill that spot you left, it’s like it was always yours, just waiting for you to come back to it.”

The metal of the ring was cool against his skin when he reached out for this hand and placed kisses on it.

“You were the only one who ever really belonged to me.” 

The two of you were searching for something, but it was easy to find in each other’s eyes. “Then this time, let’s make sure it doesn’t stay empty,” you whispered. “I promise if you are late, I will come, running right towards you. Leave it to me, you won’t ever feel alone again.” 

Yunho looked at you before he pulled you into a hug: “You won’t have to run towards me again because now that you are back where you belong, I promise I won’t ever let go again.” You nuzzled your head against his shoulder and sighed in relief.

For a while, he just pulled the blanket over your figures, now feeling an awful lot exhausted. This was not how you imagined this day to turn out to be but it was perfect just like that. There was no reason to speak anymore, the comfort was given just by each other’s company and eventually, the two of you relaxed, laying down on the couch, Yunho holding you tightly in his arms as you closed your eyes and drifted off.

It looked like he fell asleep a little after you. Yunho stirred, his neck a little stiff from the uncomfortable couch. The moment he reached out for you and the spot was empty, his eyes widened and he sat up, mind split between barely awake and fear. 

He still could hear the fall of rain outside, splattered the windows but it had gotten dark, nightfall had come and only left small traces of light from the street lamps. Your phone wasn’t there either. Yunho panicked, he almost fell off the couch.

“Y/N?!”

The way he called out for you was a mix of fear and maybe more desperate than he wanted to admit. The idea of losing you again, he could not bear it. There was no way he could do this again and as his bare feet walked over the cool wooden flooring, rushing towards the front door, a wave of light blinded him, coming from his bedroom.

“Yunho? I’m sorry, my boss called me, she wouldn’t stop. I told her, I have to take a sick day tomorrow 'cause I got into the rain… hey, what’s up?”

He reached out for you right away, hugging you tightly: “Just a bad dream, I thought you were gone.”

It was barely a whisper but you understood him right away.

Just as you always did. 

“Not going anywhere anymore,” you placed a gentle kiss on his cheek before taking his hand, taking a step back, and pulling him towards the bedroom.

“And where to? We have so much to do you, you know? Meet your colleagues, and then you meet mine. Take cute photos, try cake! Lots of cake! Decide what place we like best.”

Yunho blinked as he fell onto his bed with you. This was much more comfortable and he pulled you close, placing kisses over your shoulder before resting his chin on top of your head.

“Cake and places?” he asked before leaning back to look you in the eyes.

You had this incredibly cute and confident grin on your lips and now that he thought of it, it was more sexy than adorable. You had become such an incredible person and he could not wait to spend the rest of his life with you. To have the person he loved the most by his side again while also learning all about what was new.

Nothing would separate you again. 

“Well, we have been engaged for eight years now, yes? I think, it’s about time we do the thing!”

Yunho blushed as he looked at you and your features softened but the two of you knew it was true.

Because, the two of you always belonged to each other, been each others', and even with so many years apart, it never would change just that.

“I love you,” he whispered, and his heart jumped when you said those words he longed to hear again for so long back right away.

Without hesitation.

You were together

The drum of rain gently fell against the window. Autumn had come. 

But maybe with the right person by your side, it always could be summer.

[struwberrii]

semi headcanons ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

here are some random general headcanons for semi eita my underrated king :3 (also pls it’s actually so hard to read this guys personality BEAR WITH ME!!)

look at this man and tell me he doesn’t play guitar

his notes app is literally filled with random lyrics and guitar riffs

also i can imagine him having a mac book and his photo booth app is just vids of him covering songs and playing guitar

it’s canon that tendou thinks his style kinda sucks so i imagine him just owning some of the most horrendous graphic t-shirts

likes taking walks in wooded areas and just listening to music and getting lost in thought

i feel like he would be the type of guy to make every conversation with someone he doesn’t rlly know too well super awkward

like the type of guy to say “you too!” when a server say enjoy your food

he gives me middle child vibes and i feel like he’d have an older brother who introduced him to cool bands and guitar

probably the type of guy to randomly get super philosophical

i feel like he’d be super gullible on certain topics too, like he probably believed a lot of those dumb internet shams for an absurd amount of time

would def judge your music taste silently then try to put you onto his favs

always in a bad mood/irritated but the second someone compliments him or is nice to him he’s wagging his tail

movie fanatic, he has seen every movie on the planet

i also feel like he’s 2011 older brother core, ykwim?

failing in school and knows he’s gonna have a hard time if he doesn’t get it together but has no motivation

beat up doc marten boots wearer

i honestly feel like he’d be kinda rude unintentionally and then be confused as to why people are calling him mean

also it’s canon that he’s in the lowest class at shiratorizawa so you already KNOW he’s a scholarship boy because no way he got in for those grades 😭😭😭

probably goes to the gym like twice a week because he forgets

spends literally 3 hours to do the simplest homework because every little thing distracts him

always smells like musky apples or rotten fruit for some reason

genuinely a chill person to be around if you understand his humor

pretends to play drums with his pencils on his desk

will stop talking mid conversation if he thinks of a good song lyric to write down

i feel like he would think he’s really deep and wise but he’s actually just kind of clueless 😭

mario kart champ

definitely the type of guy to get easily talked into doing stupid things like ufo hunting at 2 am on a school day

i actually imagine him to have a really deep and smooth singing voice (i could actually write a whole drabble abt band au semi)

probably has the worst diet ever, bro is eating leftover pizza for breakfast lunch dinner AND snacks

always thinking about his future but never doing anything to better his situation

has the comfiest sweaters but you’ll have to ignore the holes and questionable stains in weird places

type of guy to ruin your concert videos because his singing is so bad and off key

i also feel like his room would be really weirdly decorated, like he’d have a stolen stop sign up as decoration and then like holes punched in his walls and missing light bulbs

always has a lighter on him for some reason

also always has a headache

i feel like he’d also have a lot of instagram followers for some reason, like a couple thousand and he doesn’t even really post anything

the type of guy to constantly be thinking about how he could be doing better/more when his friends share good news and accomplishments with him

i feel like he’d have a pet lizard or frog yk :]

[americas-ass-writing]

Written in the stars

Steve Rogers x reader

Words: 2.7k

Summary: The internet was a wonderful, helpful thing until it wasn't. Until one misstep, one accident gets spread around and ruins your life. Or does it lead you where you're meant to be?

Warnings: none? Stan Lee cameo maybe, me sucking at writing dialogue

A/N: This was written for @lunarbuck Soulmate Au Writing Challenge! I had the prompt "You and your soulmate share matching tattoos." I hope you enjoy it!

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Gif by me

The sound of rain against your window is the first thing you register as you wake up. The sounds of your street in New York slowly adding themselves in. You let out a yawn and stretch. These were the best days. Waking up to the rain serenading you on your day off. You have nowhere to be, no plans, just a day for yourself. So you lay in bed a bit longer, just listening to the sounds.

Once you get up, you start your day. A nice warm shower, comfy clothes and breakfast with your favourite tea. Your phone dings with the daily reminder of your best friend to leave your apartment today so you'd have a chance finding your soulmate. You roll your eyes. She found hers in high school - lucky bitch. The matching tattoo of a weird shaped heart, that to you looked more like a bean, on her ankle sealed her fait to the high school jock. You were scared for her at first but he turned out to be the best partner she could ever have wished for. You on the other hand weren't so lucky. The little star constellation on your shoulder blade hasn't met it's match yet and you weren't sure if it ever would. With a sigh you put down your mug and text her back, promising you'd leave the house if the rain stopped.

The internet was a wonderful, helpful thing until it wasn't. Until one misstep, one accident gets spread around and ruins your life.

Steve was always good at hiding his soulmate mark. Back in the 40s when he was sickly he partially did it because dressing warm enough prevented him from getting sick and to protect whatever dame had the matching mark on her shoulder from having him as soulmate. As soon as he became Captain America he solely did it so no one would lead him on by pretending to be his soulmate. He was glad his soulmark was on his shoulder blade, easy to hide under the shirts he wore. Even though he was hiding it he couldn't help the disappointment that in all his years on this planet he hasn't even had a slightest tickle of the feeling of his soulmate being close to him.

But then his years of hiding were ruined by a very public mission. He was doing his best to lead his team and make sure they were all safe. He was in his element until a Hydra agent attacked him with a knife. This happened way too often these days and every time Howard Stark's voice mocks him in his mind. "Hydra won't attack you with pocket knives." Yeah right.

Steve was quick to react and instead of stabbing him in his shoulder all the attacker did was rip open his suit. This shouldn't happen this easily, maybe it wasn't a common pocket knife and Howard was right after all. Steve knocked him to the floor and made sure the man was unconscious. He didn't even think twice about the rip in his suit before he went back to the mission. He should have... He should have took a damn second to check then he wouldn't be stuck in the Tower.

The rip exposed his soulmark. And of course some onlooker took a picture that spread like wildfire on the internet. Promptly the Tower was overrun by people claiming they're his soulmate. His morning runs through central park were turning into him being hunted down by them too.

When the first woman came he had hope. He really thought that maybe, just maybe the stupid mistake would bring him his soulmate but the feeling never came... Nothing ever snapped into place. He didn't have the feeling.

His soulmark soon graced the shoulder blades of thousands of people like some stupid fashion accessory which caused him to swear off his soulmate and accepted a life of being alone. He just hoped that this hype around his mark would soon die down.

His fists hit the punching bag in front of him hard. The bag swinging back and forth wildly as he tried to let his pent up anger out. His usual sparring partners tapped out a few days ago since he got too cruel during it, not pulling his punches anymore. He understood, he didn't want to hurt them but he couldn't help himself but be disappointed. Those social interactions flew out the window too which didn't help him with feeling so alone.

"We gotta get him out of the tower... He's been cooped up for two weeks now." Natasha mumured to the fellow assassin next to her as they both watched their friend. "Sam and me tried... Either we get overrun immediately or he refuses to leave the tower." Bucky answered, his arms crossed. He felt for his friend, he deserves to find his soulmate and live happily ever after with them. "Maybe we can fly him out to Clint's farm?" He added only to be met with a snort of the redhead next to him. "Yeah he'd love that. Clint would make him take care of the chickens. Imagine all the pictures of him and Cap Jr." She smirked at the image of Steve holding up his chicken counterpart in several pictures.

Just as Bucky was about to answer their little conversation got interrupted by the bag hitting the floor and Steve marching or rather stomping off to get a new one.

"I have a plan to buy you guys some time" the redhead said after a moment of silence and beckoned her friend to follow her.

Picking at his cap and the borrowed clothes, Steve sends Nat a sceptical look. "This isn't going to work..." He sighs and sits down. His face falls into the palms of his hands. Soon enough there are soft strokes on his back. "Yes it will work. You just gotta be positive for once, Rogers" she says with an encouraging smile. "Sam and Bucky are currently distracting the masses, making them fill out forms so you can find your soulmate. All you gotta do is take the back exit and vanish into the crowds. It's a simple mission." Nat ever the optimist. There was so many things that could go wrong with this plan. Steve lifts a sceptical eyebrow at her.

"Look it's either this or Bucky's plan that involves a horrible granny dress and a wig. So choose your poison, Cap" she smirks at his furrowed eyebrows and claps on his shoulder. "That's what I thought. Let's get you out of here." With a smile she beckons him to follow her. They walk through the hallways and take the stairs down to the lobby. Instead of taking the usual door Natasha leads him around the corner and through some storage rooms before they stop in front of a door.

"Alright, sunglasses on. I texted you the code to get back into this door but I expect you to not use it before lunchtime." Like a mother scolding her child she points a finger at him. "The door leads to the back alley. The security guard has been informed that you'd take this way so no need to worry. Just make a swift exit from the alley into the crowds. Keep your head down, cap and sunglasses on, ok?" Steve nods at that and hugs her. "Thank you" he whispers and before she can answer he slips out of the door.

He nods to Stan the security guard, a nice old man that he often talked about art with, and slips out of the alley into the masses. To his surprise everyone's minding their own business and soon he's a block away from the tower. His shoulders relax and he lets out a breath. The rain probably helped him stay unrecognised.

Much to your dismay the rain stops after a few hours and you have to keep your promise. You sigh and get dressed to leave your apartment. Maybe a coffee in the park wouldn't be so bad. The park near your apartment always was empty on rainy days, except for a few people walking their dogs. So you could still enjoy your day without too many people around you. Once you're all dressed you grab your bag and an umbrella, just to be safe, before you leave. Your feet carry you to the little cafe at the end of your street. You weren't surprised with how busy it was. People would come here to escape the cloudy skies, to study, to meet others or to simply just get coffee. You weren't bothered by the masses though since it was your plan all along to get your order to go and sit in the park.

With your drink and snack in hand you enter the park a little while later. It wasn't big but still beautiful. You make your way to your favorite spot, a little bridge over the lake that housed two benches. It was a quiet and beautiful spot and you're were sure no one would hog the benches today. Well you were wrong. As you approach you see one of the benches taken by a tall stranger with a sketchpad. He seemed relaxed as his hand moved the pencil over the paper. His cap and hunched over form hid his face from your view but you didn't mind. Something inside you told you he was safe and even pulled you a bit closer to him. It's a weird feeling but you chalk it off to the two of you just doing the same thing - trying to enjoy the silence in the park.

You sit down on the bench across from him and take in the nature. You don't even notice his surprised face when he looks up and sees someone across from him. Or when he absent mindly scratches his shoulder. Or when his lips pull into a small smile at the added person in his sketch. You sit in silence for a while, trying to ignore your itchy shoulder, occasionally stealing a glance of the handsome stranger until he stands up and approaches you. Your heart beats faster as you look up at him. Why was he approaching you? Was he not the nice strange...

"Here..." He holds out a piece of paper to you with a soft smile on his face. Fuck even his voice was handsome. You hesitate for a second before you softly take it from him, which just makes his smile grow wider. Your eyes land on his sketch of the park... the lake, the trees, the flowers and you... You on the bench with your drink in hand, smiling as you take in the nature. It's breathtakingly beautiful. Your surprised eyes find his and you're met by a bashful smile. "I uh... It's a thank you..." He scratches his neck, his face blushing as he tries to avoid your eyes. "A thank you?" You ask confused, the small itch in your shoulder growing. You look up at him. Why would he thank you for sitting across from him?

"Yeah... The last week's... Have been crazy and you're the first person who treats me... normal?" He fumbles with his hands as your confusion just grows, brows knitted together. "My soulmark was released to the public after a mission and so many people got it as a tattoo and they hunted me down on my jogs and they waited for me everywhere and I was stuck in the tower and my friends wouldn't even spar with me and I felt so alone and when I was finally able to sneak out and spend some time outside you didn't even lift an eyebrow at Captain America sitting across from you so thank you" he rambles and your eyebrows shoot up in surprise. You didn't even recognize him. Not in casual clothes that seem a bit too big for him. He nervously fumbles with his hands again at your silence. "I..." "See I even signed it. If you don't want to keep it you can sell it" as he tries to point out his signature he grazes your hand with his fingers and both of you wince. The blinding pain in your shoulder was gone within a second but it was replaced with warmth. As your eyes meet his you realize it wasn't just you who feels it. His hand is still on his shoulder as he looks at you with wide eyes and his beautiful lips apart.

"Please tell me you felt that too..." He whispers, his voice almost breaking. You nod as answer and continue to stare at him. He lets his hand fall and gets on his knees in front of you, his eyes stare in yours so desperate you want to wrap him up in a hug and blanket and protect him from the world.

"I didn't even recognize you" is all you bring out and he laughs. A beautiful melodic laugh as his hands softly grab your free one. Thousands of little butterflies spread in your body, the tingly sensation wandering through you until it reaches your soulmark. "I'm pretty sure you have a little constellation of stars on your shoulder" the blonde still kneeling in front of you says with a smile that's brighter than the sun. You chuckle and bite your lower lip. "What makes you think so?" You tease. He licks his lips and squeezes your hand softly. "Because I have the same" he whispers as if it's a secret for just the two of you and maybe just maybe it would be if he would have used his brain a few weeks back.

You stare at each other for a while longer till the rain starts again. "Shoot! I have a cap you can wear uh..." The Adonis in front of you gets up and hurries over to his bench to get his things. You chuckle as he comes back and pull out your umbrella. "We can just share this and sit for a while longer" you suggest as you open it. He stops for a second but then smiles easily as he plops down next to you and offers to hold it.

You spend the afternoon talking, smiling and laughing. The conversation flowed easy and Steve even gave you a peek at his mark which was to no one's surprise the one you have too. Thus followed a lot of star related jokes from Steve. You laughed at every adorable pun and that seemed to spur him on even more. His eyes shining brighter with every laugh or giggle you gifted him, almost like the star littered night sky was trapped in them.

When the sun started to set Steve walked you home. He insisted that he did so because he wanted to make sure you're safe. You agreed, that was obviously the reason. Not the two of you wanting to spend more time together. And him holding your hand obviously was for keeping you safe too. And the kiss that you pressed on his lips when you arrived was definitely just a thank you. And the promise to see each other again after exchanging numbers was just part of your extensive security plan.

Steve slips into the tower through the door in the alleyway. He smiles at Stan before he takes the stairs, two steps at a time. He has never felt this happy and carefree before. He found his soulmate and you were the most beautiful and kind and amazing human being he knows. As he enters the common area he finds Bucky and Sam in front of a stack of paper and Natasha enjoying their aggregation.

"What's going on here?" Steve asks, his left eyebrow lifted. He grabs some water from the fridge and walks over to his friends. "It's all the soulmate applications that were filled out. We're going through them to see if maybe one of them is actually your soulmate." Sam explains and holds up one of the filled out forms. Steve smile widens. "But most of them are so obnoxious. Like this one" Bucky holds up another form. "I'm meant to be yours even if I had to get the soulmark tattooed." He reads, his frown deepening. Steve just laughs and takes the stack in front of his friends. He throws the stack in the recycling bin, much to the outrage of Bucky and Sam. He takes a sip from his water before the smile finds his lips again. "Well... Thank you for doing all this work but it was unnecessary. I found her and she's pretty amazing." His smile widens at the shocked faces of his friends.

"Excuse me, what?! You walk in here like nothing happened and then out of nowhere drop that bomb on us?!" Sam cries out. Steve chuckles which just seems to anger his friends even more. "Oh I'll hand your ass to you in tomorrow's sparring session!" Bucky promises as Steve skillfully avoids him. Finally Natasha just gets up and hugs him. "I'm happy for you. You deserve it, Cap." She says sincerely. "I hope you know that I'm doing a background check on her." Steve chuckles but hugs her back. "And that you're gonna break poor Clint's heart by not visiting him on his farm." Steve's laugh turns into a snort. "You mean I'm making him really happy because he now has an excuse to buy a new chicken? Can't have Cap Jr. without his soulmate. And I'm pretty sure she'll love the chicken once I take her for a visit." Natasha smiles fondly before she punches his shoulder slightly and leaves him to Sam and Bucky's complaining and investigations.

[sturionic]

In the course of spiralling down an internet rabbit hole today, I found a truly excellent essay about the trials and tribulations of fandom: How To BNF Without Tears, by Walter A. Willis

If you are familiar with the term BNF (Big-Name Fan), you may have heard it in the context of early-aughts fandoms, or some configuration of superwholock. But this article is from 1954!

Please enjoy these excerpts:

Very well, let's consider a day in the life of this wretched Neofan. Brighteyed, the little fellow wakes early, listening for the tread of the postman. His ears are so sensitive to this faint sound that he will leap out of bed, every nerve quivering, when the man is a hundred yards away ….. whereas before he became a fan a whole battery of alarm clocks barely fluttered an eyelid.

It's me, I'm the wretched little fellow refreshing my AO3 inbox, nerves a-quivering

Consider now a day in the life of the BNF. He too is driven from pillow to post, but since he was up to two o'clock in the morning finishing an article he had promised for ten days ago, the postman has to knock twice to waken him. He staggers down the stairs, observing with a sinking feeling that the porch is covered with a layer of various sized envelopes[....]Some of the letters are from his friends, and he puts those in his pocket to be enjoyed later. Some are from self-appointed enemies, and he puts those aside until he feels stronger. The rest are from Neofen. Some of them want subscriptions to his fanzine. Some want information. Some want material for their fanzine. Nearly all of them are rude.

1954 equivalent of "RIP your inbox"

Now, on the way the BNF handles this mail depends whether he shall stay in fandom or retire suffering from chronic disenchantment like so many others[...]So I am going to suggest some rules which you might consider following when you become a BNF. (All that is necessary to become a BNF is to maintain a reasonably energetic standard of fanactivity for approximately two years.)

And then our friend Walter goes on to advise BNFs to "comment on as many first issues [of fanzines] as you can, and always find something to praise," "Always be polite and kind to Neofans," and to take the piss out of yourself: "Humourous attacks on you should be encouraged -- they add to the interest of fandom, rank as egoboo, and might give you something to write about." (Walter also warns on the dangers of attending conventions, and advises that you wear a false beard to maintain anonymity.)

Of course, I had to know: what fandom were these guys in?

So I did a little digging. Walter mentions a "Ken Potter" in his letter. Turns out Ken Potter ran multiple science fiction fanzines through the 1950's and 60's, including Brennschluss, Triumph and Scientifiction.

A scan of Brenschluss, containing such gems as "tho I did once kiss a girl" and "Isn't Fandom romantic!"

Additional glossary for some terms used in Walter's essay:

"Egoboo": A colloquial expression for the pleasure received from public recognition of voluntary work. Originated in science fiction fandom as early as 1947

"Hectoed" fanzine: A method of copying text and illustrations that fell out of fashion after the 1940's. It involves involves making a bed of gelatin, transferring a special carbon ink to the gelatin and then laying on and picking up pieces of paper.

"Faned": Slang for "fan editor," aka the editor of a fandom publication, usually a zine.

[tanoraqui]

the thing is... JK Rowling did write the books. She certainly did write the books, which was the pivotal first step.

However, here is an incomplete list of people who meant more to my experience of reading and enjoying the Harry Potter books than JKR ever did:

My grandmother, who read them because she loved to read and because she wanted to understand what the hell her granddaughter - whom she'd recently moved 3,000 in part to live near - spent 90% of her time talking about; who passed away this past fall.

My other grandmother, who read them for more or less the same reason except without the cross-country move; who passed away in 2014. It was in her honor that I bought the current set of books I own.

The uncle-shaped family friend who always listened to me expound on my latest theories for the next book, and told me his own like an equal in intellectual debate

That one writer on Mugglenet's fanfiction archive who wrote a crack soap opera fic in which Professor McGonagall got pregnant from Crookshanks, and the children were cat-human hybrids whom they called "kiddens." That haunts me to this day.

Honestly, collectively every single person who wrote content, be it recordkeeping, fic, or analysis, for MuggleNet circa 2005-2008. Some people spent their internet-childhoods on Neopets or Club Penguin; I read every single page on MuggleNet.com.

The summer camp counselor who'd read HBP when I hadn't yet, and who responded to my positively tsundere attitude toward spoilers by telling me straight-faced that Harry started dating Luna [not Ginny]. A) The fucking audacity! she lied right to my annoying 10yo face! B) I got to experience the giddiness of finding out what happened twice, once then and again later when I read the book! Thank you, Natalie(?) from Y-Camp!

The two friends with whom I went to the DH midnight release party at my local secondhand bookstore, in closet cosplay. We were all in the first 5 people to get our books, and we promptly started reading them while standing outside the bookstore, in the light coming through the front window. 1 of them was parentally required to go to bed but the other and I stayed up all night reading, until we finished the books sometime mid-morning.

My dad, specifically when he (still) tells the story of having to make a "walk of shame" (his words) back to the bookstore the next afternoon, to ask if they had the broom we'd accidentally left behind.

The tourists from America, England, France and China who were all waiting in line at the Platform 9 3/4 overpriced photo op in King's Cross Station the same time I was, in the summer of 2013, which unironically made me feel more spiritually connected with humanity as a whole than possibly any other experience in my life. Like, this is embarrassing. It's a pure tourist trap. Yet people from LITERALLY all around the world had all made the same journey I had to be there, just because we all loved the same books. and that's...really special.

...you know? So, JKR is doing real harm to the trans community now, and will continue to do more and maybe even worse in the future; and I am so, so sympathetic and angry about that. I have no intention of giving her money or any other support ever again, nor of encouraging anyone else to do so.

But all her present vitriol is only drops in the lake of my warm memories. I don't let them give me a falsely rosy view of her, but nor will I let her poison them. And I encourage others to let themselves find the same balance, if they can.

[mashup-writing]

Daniela Dimitrescu (Resident Lover) Headcanons:

------------------------------------------------------

Requested? ❌

"Naiintindihan ko naman, iniiwasan mo lang masaktan."

"I understand, that you're just avoiding being hurt."

Summary: Headcanons about Daniela Dimitrescu (+ MC Romance Route so this contains Filipino Pop Culture references and Tagalog words. Translations will be provided in the Author's Note section at the end of the work.)

Warnings: Minor Angst (Bela's cameos), Suggestive themes, SPOILERS FOR DANIELA'S ROUTE!

Genre: RomCom, Fluff, Slice of Life, Minor Angst

Resident Lover Masterlist

----------------------٩(◕‿◕｡)۶-----------------------

Regular Headcanons:

Secretly a fan of "Mama Mia".

Listens to Taylor Swift's calmer songs when she's cruising on her skateboard.

Daniela is the kind of girlfriend to go all out every day. Even in just the little ways.

She always has a family picture of her sisters and her mother in her jacket pocket.

Never fails to put on perfume.

Has boards specifically for cruising at night.

Those boards have wheels that light up.

Has scars on her knees, chin, shoulders, and elbows from flying off her board countless of times.

Doesn't tap her skateboard against the ground to clap for her skating bros.

Opting instead to clap normally with her back in perfect posture, like she was clapping for a theatre play instead of a skateboarding competition.

The Dimitrescu sisters were brought up to be classy after all.

MC Romance Headcanons:

MC asked her to teach them how to take care of a board once.

Daniela cried when MC gifted her a custom skateboard put together by their own hands, the bottom painted with a scenery of the local skate park.

She hangs it up on the wall, never taking it out for rides.

Simply thinking of the masterpiece sustaining scrapes sends Daniela to tears.

Whenever she wakes up before MC, she wakes them up with gentle kisses.

Most times her kisses will litter MC's face with fleeting speed. MC wakes up with laughter on these days.

Sometimes her kisses are placed on MC's neck, and on their collarbone.

On days like these, MC wakes up pinned to the mattress.

Their eyes would open to Daniela hovering over them with something in her eyes. As if the beastly nature she got rid of left pieces of itself within her.

She also tries to make them breakfast or dinner at least twice a week, it never goes well.

The food of choice either ends up undercooked, or overcooked (Burnt)

MC once woke up at night to singing, and to a steady thumping on her room's table.

They opened their eyes to find Daniela singing them a love song, using their study table as a cajun box.

"Bro, I love you but... What the hell is happening right now?" Dani beams at the question, halting her singing and drumming to place her hands on her hips.

"Glad you asked babe-bro! I was bored, couldn't sleep, and had the internet at my full disposal, so found this little thing from your culture called 'Harana'!"

"... Bro, I- Appreciate the sentiment but I'm pretty sure that Harana is done by singing from outside the house, facing the window?"

Dani smiles, bright and sheepish and unapologetic and MC finds herself falling in love again. "Yeah true, but the thing is: We live on the 4th floor of this building and I'm honestly not sure if my voice could carry that far.."

Yes, MC and Daniela call each other "Bro" as an ode to their friends-to-lovers journey.

Daniela tries to sneakily pick out flowers for MC from the Campus bushes ever since going to her Aunt Donna's Flower shop was rendered impossible.

Bela caught her once, and dragged her sister to her council room office for an earful of a lecture.

"Just what do you think you're doing, desecrating University property like that?"

"Picking out flowers for MC, what of it?"

"You're just going to hand it over to them with it looking like that?"

Daniela bristles at the punctuation, her temper flaring. But just as she opens her mouth to defend her relationship, Bela walks over to her work table and whips around to face Daniela with a pair of stationary scissors.

"You've got to remove the thorns first, along with some of the leaves at the bottom of the stem. I've got to some spare colored paper in one of my desk drawers, we'll wrap it up in those once we're done pruning these. We may not be Aunt Donna but we can atleast do our best to make this presentable."

Daniela stops asking her eldest sister for favors using blackmail after that.

Bela smiles and Daniela can't quite place why her sister's smile sort of looks forced and bittersweet (She remembers still.)

The youngest Dimitrescu chalks it up to her sister helping her out despite being uninterested in romance. (She wants them, always will. But in this loop MC's with her sister so she keeps herself away.)

(Bela may be heartless but her nature is always selfless.)

----------------------٩(◕‿◕｡)۶-----------------------

01-11's debated heart loves this particular skaterbro with an undocumented softness.

Tagalog Words - Translations:

Harana - a courtship act of singing to your intended from outside of their house to ask for permission and for their hand.

[azulera]

We Go Together

Pairing: Jadon Sancho x Black Reader

Summary: Jadon wants everyone to know he’s yours.

Notes: don’t know where this one came from really bt i literally gave myself b*tterflies while writing it … it was so fun and i think its so so cute. also helloo to the JS25 girlies how are you :) hope u enjoy :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is so random, but, I can’t lie. I hate braids. Like, on girls.”

Jadon looked at Reiss from the side of his eye, barely lifting his head from the back of the couch. Maybe they’d been vegetating on the chocolate-colored sectional too long, the blue light exposure from watching TikTok after TikTok finally getting to his friend’s head. It had to be that.

“What, bro?”

“They’re childish, brother, look.” Reiss leaned over, showing Jadon a clip of a girl being spun in a salon chair, with bright blue box braids trailing down the cape around her back. Reiss sucked his teeth twice before the video even ended. “It’s a little kid’s hairstyle, like primary school plaits. I do not rate them.”

Jadon laughed in a loud burst of sound, and shook his head at his friend’s wild take. Reiss’ complaining had triggered an image in his mind that easily refuted each of the critiques he brought up. He pushed the phone away from his face.

“Nah, you’re tripping. Braids are fire. Especially with the little baby hairs out, slicked down and that.”

“Noo, bro, the baby hairs get so extra!” Reiss rocked in his seat. “It’s gotta go, the whole style’s dead.”

“Maybe on gyal you see, but my girl, her things different. I’m telling you.”

“Oh my days– you almost did it, you know? You almost made it ten whole minutes without mentioning Y/N. It’s been 2 years, bro, we get it, you’re locked down, it’s cute, whatever.”

Jadon shrugged, a smile on his lips that he didn’t care to hide.

“I’m jus sayin.”

Reiss laughed, and switched subjects to show him another TikTok he thought was hilarious, but the picture in Jadon’s mind that his friend had summoned was too strong to ignore now, the warm feeling in his chest too sweet to pass by quickly. He half-listened while Reiss explained the meaning behind the joke, and scrolled to your Instagram profile. He went back a few weeks to spring break photos where you were sea-side in a flowy linen outfit with waist length braids falling over your shoulders, caught in the ocean wind. A minute later, he’d reposted the photo to his story, with a caption below.

“I love box braids. 😍 And my girl 😍”

He smiled again when it published, his thousands of followers viewing the image and leaving a flurry of cherry red hearts rising in the corner of the screen. Reiss, realizing he was no longer being listened to, peeked over Jadon’s shoulder, and rolled his eyes.

“You are such a simp, bro. I would banter you more if I wasn’t a little bit jealous.”

“Don’t worry, brother, it’ll happen for you one day. When you stop hating on girls’ hairstyles, I bet. Saying braids are dead, nah, you’re mad.”

Reiss shoved against his shoulder, but quickly slipped back down his internet rabbit hole, and a text came into Jadon’s phone.

Y/N: not u reposting my old pics lol you were lurking?

Jadon: No Jadon: Actually yeah Jadon: Reiss was trashing braids and i had to set him str8 Jadon: Can you come by?

Y/N: you 2 are mad i swear Y/N: and i thought u and him had plans after the match?

Jadon: Nah the braid comment was too much Jadon: I wanna see you

Y/N: yeah thats poor from him. i can be there in an hour :) Y/N: and i just got fresh braids done yesterday, i forgot to tell you lol

Jadon: 😍

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What’s your middle name then? William? Zachary?”

The question registered only faintly in Jadon’s headset, all his focus instead zeroed in on the pixelated movements of his starting XI as they ran alongside Marcus’ XI. The teams were so well-matched that every possession was a battle, and the 85th minute found them in a deadlock with one goal each. It wasn’t quite the time for casual conversation.

“My middle name? What do you mean? No-no-no-no!”

One of his center backs made a sloppy pass, and a pressing forward had intercepted it. Thankfully, the keeper recovered and the score remained 1-1.

“Stop trying to distract me, bro! It won’t work.”

“M’not, I swear! It’s just the letter there on your bracelet. It’s catching the light and I can see it through the screen. And it’s not J or S, so.”

Jadon looked down at his wrist for a moment, at the thin gold chain draped along the left one with a capital letter and small, earth figure hanging in the center. Marcus was right – the jewelry did shine in the light coming in through the window and glowing from the computer monitor, and the sight twitched the sides of his mouth.

“It’s not my middle name, it’s for–wait, wait–”

Jadon paused the game and Marcus cursed over the headset. Still, he went on unbothered, more than happy to provide context around the question his teammate had innocently or not so innocently posed.

“So the letter, that’s for my girlfriend's name. She bought it for me for my birthday, couple years back. It’s nice, innit.” The grin that had started as a twitch now stretched across his mouth. “And the little earth thing is like, it’s like a reminder. That when I’m away, different country, different city, whatever. She’s always with me.”

Marcus smiled at him over the monitor, shaking his head even as his fingers itched to get back to the match.

“Aw look at you, Sanch, big softie. It’s too bad your missus ain’t here now though, to save you gettin whooped in FIFA.”

“No, you’re lucky she’s not here, really, cause I’d have been on a hattrick. It’s a miracle you’re even gettin a sniff, bro.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, stop chatting then and press play. Five more minutes and then we’ll see.”

Jadon resumed the game and leaned forward in his chair, his thumbs flying over the buttons. When his team paused for a corner minutes later, thoughts of you, which had been simmering under the surface ever since Marcus’ inadvertently brought you up, flashed through his mind. It was hard when he was in Manchester, and you were in London, but the little spiel he’d given his teammate reminded him, just as the bracelet did, that if the two of you could ever be considered “apart” it was only ever in a physical sense, never an emotional one. There was nothing that could separate him from you as far as he was concerned, unless he were to tear his own heart out of his chest or something equally dramatic. He decided instead to raise his hand to his mouth, pressing the letter charm softly to his lips. It was your name he whispered against the gold, uncaring if Marcus could hear, as he sent the cross flying towards the box.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Can I help you find something, sir?”

The salesgirl rested a hand on his forearm as she asked, and Jadon flinched at the touch. He’d been in the shoe store for a few minutes already and no one had noticed him yet, but the intensity of her look told him he’d been recognized. She was suddenly stood so close some of the hair from her ponytail brushed against his shoulder, and he could see the dark clumps in her heavy lashes. Her fingers were cold.

“Yeah, actually,” He stepped away from her while he talked, letting her hand drop. “I’m looking for a pair of those, uh, ugg slippers, slides, the ones with the fur. Do you have those?”

“I believe we do!” She flashed him a smile that lasted too long to be comfortable, and then turned slowly on her heel. “Follow me.”

They walked to the winter footwear section and she lead the way, walking slower and swinging her hips more than was necessary for the 30-second trip. Her performance, however, was lost on Jadon, who had opened up his phone to read his most recent text thread.

Jadon: Baby pick a color, it’s important

Y/N: for what?

Jadon: Don’t worry about it just pick Jadon: Red, blue, black or brown

Y/N: don’t even know what i’m choosing 😳 Y/N: but i’ll say red, it’s our fave

Jadon: 👍🏽

They’d come upon the display of slip-ons, and the girl swept an arm over them, slipping back into a sales monologue about their current popularity with customers, and how the fur-lined interior was more comfortable than any other ugg shoe she’d tried. He thought her boss must be somewhere around, but noticed there was no one near them.

“Do you have the red ones in an 8? And also a 5.5.?”

“Let’s just see!” She bent at the waist, searching the rack of boxes for the numbers he’d requested and making little noises of exertion all the while. Jadon’s eyes were still on his phone, searching for the notes app entry where he’d saved your clothing and footwear sizes and preferences years ago.

“Ooh, I’m sorry, sir, it looks like we only have the red ones in a size 8 and up. Are you sure you need the 5.5?”

She’d moved down into a squat, and now looked up at him through her lashes, biting on her lip. Her eyelids fluttered like there was something stuck on them.

“Yeah, I gotta have them. One second, please.”

Jadon: Pick another color, sorry Jadon: show you why in a bit

He looked up from his phone, waiting on your reply, and found the girl staring back at him. She took his returned gaze as some sort of invitation.

“You know, we sometimes have more stock in the back, extras that don’t make it on the shelves. We could go take a look together, if you want? The door has a lock on it.”

Jadon’s eyebrows flew into his hairline. He looked around the store bewildered, at a temporary loss for words, because all he could think to say was “Don’t you see my girl standing here?” and regrettably you weren’t. He couldn’t believe that anyone could look at him and not see that he was yours.

“Woah, no – absolutely not–” He stepped away from the girl for the second time, putting his hands up between them to maintain the distance. “I’ve got a girl, still.”

“And? I’ve got a man, too. But you’re Jadon Sancho.” She blinked her lashes harder, looking at him again with a challenge in her eyes that he wanted no parts of. Now, he wished he’d said “no” when she’d asked to help him.

“Nah, you have lost it.” Jadon laughed shakily, still in disbelief that she was propositioning him so boldly when he had your name written right there on his forehead. Or at least that’s how it felt. He shook his head and walked to the furthest part of the shelf where the brown colorways were kept, keeping a wide distance from her crouching frame.

“I’ll find them myself, yeah, thank you.”

The girl made a frustrated noise that he would’ve had to strain to hear, before she stood, her eyes still focused on him. She paused a moment, and with a shrug, took off to another part of the store.

Jadon breathed a sigh of relief. Just after, his phone buzzed with your response and it was just as he imagined.

Y/N: brown, then. it looks good on both our skin (whatever it is)

His smile returned.

At the register, he snapped a photo of the two stacked boxes just before they were bagged up and pressed send.

Jadon: Early bday present for u ❤️ Got a pair too cus I wanted us to match

Y/N: 😁 omg! thank u babey Y/N: that’s so sweet Y/N: i didn’t think you fancied them tho

Jadon: ❤️❤️❤️ Jadon: Yeah they look bare comfortable Jadon: And i need people to know we go together when we go out 😭 u don’t kno what i go thru

Y/N: ugh ur so brave, going out in public for me Y/N: thank u for ur sacrifice

Jadon: my **pleasure, innit ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That’s what you’re wearing? You're sure?”

Jadon continued primping himself in the mirror beside you, flattening the crease in his jeans, and fitting clear glasses onto his face. Lastly, slowly, he dragged his palms down the lines of his shirt, and turned to admire the details on its back.

“Of course I am, what you mean? Got it customized and everything, just for your special day, didn’t I?”

The shirt was jersey material and a bright lilac purple with two grey stripes down the front, but the other side was what had made your breath catch when he’d pulled it out of his bag. Y/N’S BOYFRIEND it read, in sparkly block letters across the back.

“I love it! I love it so much. I love you! Come here.” was all you managed at first, through rapid kisses to his lips, cheeks, and neck, but now that the shock had passed the meaningfulness of the gesture began to set in. You hugged him from behind then, feeling the prickle of the glittery letters against your chest through your robe. The love and appreciation you felt was overwhelming.

“How’d you know I’d wear purple, too?” You murmured into his back.

“Cause I just know.” He answered, looking extremely proud of himself. His hands curled around yours as they travelled up his chest, bringing the left one up to his mouth for a kiss.

“You'll make me cry, you know. Ruin my make-up.”

“Nah, none of that. Go on, finish gettin ready.” He squeezed your butt gently. “They’ll have shut the lights off already, and I need everyone to see.”

Now, inside the small party being held in your honor you were convinced the shirt looked even better, shimmering under the flashing dance-floor lights and complimenting his tanned skin. Together with your lavender shirt-skirt set you looked like brown-skinned Barbie and Ken, like two halves of the same whole, and knowing so made your “birthday girl” glow increase tenfold.

Through the night you floated between groups of friends and acquaintainces, trading memories, laughing hard, and saying thank you for the thoughtful gifts and warm messages given from those who’d come to celebrate. Jadon stayed by your side without fail, clocking the eyes on his garment as he passed, and it seemed the the edges of his smile extended each time there was a whisper of “Aww” or a gasp of surprise. Every now and then he would drop your hand, letting you stray a little ahead of him before wrapping an arm around your waist or joining hands again, so that anyone who hadn’t seen the first time knew exactly who “Y/N” was. When you realized what he was doing, it first made you laugh, then feel warm, and then drag him onto the dance floor so you could pull your bodies close.

“I’m not gassin it, am I?” He asked into your ear, hands carefully pressing your back to his chest. “I’ll go chill, let you dance with your friends.”

“Nah, you’re exactly where I want you.” You leaned your head back onto his shoulder for a moment, closing your eyes, feeling the gentleness of his hands on your waist, of his voice in your ear. Remembering how it was your name on his back for all these friends and strangers in the party to see. The music bumped and your bodies’ continued swaying to it.

“I’m happy you’re here, baby. And I can’t stop thinking about your shirt.” You let out more of the happy giggling that had characterized the night. “It’s my favorite gift so far.”

He shrugged, and you felt the movement against your back.

“I’ve been out the city for a while, innit. Just want to make sure people know what it is, that they ain’t forgot.”

“Do you think I don’t do that?” Your body stilled between his arms. “Is that why you’re on about it so much?”

“No, I don’t think that.” He guided your waist to keep moving again, making a lazy circle in time to the beat. “But I gotta make sure. You know that with me people always got something to say, innit. Always speculation, rumors and that. So I do what I can to make sure there ain’t no questions, about us, I mean. Cause there ain’t.”

“Well, I don’t think nobody’s gonna get confused after tonight. You couldn’t have made it any more clear.”

Jadon only laughed, his actions tonight already saying far more than a million words could. He ducked his head down into your neck for two, three warm kisses, squeezing at your hip, and his soft lips on your skin made you shiver.

You turned in his arms towards him, wrapping yours around his neck.

“It makes me feel so good, though, that. That you’re so proud to be with me. Makes me feel very lucky, and special, very in love with you.”

“You are special.” His lips twitched, fighting a smile, and you scratched one hand into the hair at the back of his neck. ”You’re everything. And you’ve held me down for so long, baby, there ain’t even nobody else to think about. It’s just you, innit.”

“I love you” you spoke, a smile breaking across your features, leaning against him, cradling his face, parting his lips in a gesture that said mine. He returned the kiss and the three words in one breath, his heart thumping, and the only thought in his head a repeat chorus of yours yours yours.

[sonikkublue]

goin on here to rant so most my ppl dont see, im not that active here anyways so who cares, i sure dont. my year has dragged me to my lowest point till ive become sucidal again. i dont like thinkin abt it but its there

i want to quit. i want to quit friends, i want to quit art, i want to quit everything. everything. including my au. i want to drop dead off the internet and prob go kill myself or reflect or smth. idk, one of those is better than the other, but again i dont know. everything is always hurting and ive been so numb to everything since this year has started, its only gotten worse. my friends arent makin this any better either

im done bein used, im done getting manipulated, im done seeing ppl favor one another right in front of me, im done w/ ppl not listenin to me when i try expressin smth im struggling w/, even if it wasnt much or none at all. i dont even vent a lot or at all. why?? cuz no one ever fucking listens, gets mad at me while i try talkin, pushes my issue away w/ another topic immediately. they my friends act more excited towards the other everyone else gettin smth meanwhile i get lil to none. i recognize im not gettin appreciated as everyone else in my friend group, like they're uninterested in me anymore. that they dont care. ive tried bein positive, i cannot. my friends have offered and offered and offered for me to talk to them if im ever bothered- "u can always talk to us if smth wrong" or smth like that...ok?? last time i broke down in call, one of my friends was playin cookie run to distract themselves, so they werent even fully listening...another time i just got flat out ignored, my issue got pushed aside by another art topic, "damn". NO ONE FUCKING CARES. i already know the cycle. too many times ive lived thru it and im only enabling it by gettin vulnerable. at this point, i cant trust my own friends cuz its so hard too believe them when they keep doin the same thing to me over and over. they're trying to prove smth to me to make me think they care. i dont fucking believe it cuz no one has ever shown care back for me, regardless of how much i give to them. theres that word again. i give so fucking much, and i hate myself for bein this way. most of the time i wish my au didnt blow up cuz its put so much pressure on me like the new friends that came and left in my life, me realizing i have to maintain an audience... idk, maybe im a lost cause. i cant do any of this anymore. i want to die. i dont like thinkin it, but i want too. theres so much stress, so much unbearable stress and anger. and no one will fucking care. ive been hurt by my own friends too many times. i dont say anything cuz its just gonna happen all over again, no how many times i *try* and bring it up to them, they will not fucking listen. no one ever fucking listens to me. i didnt like makin friends from the beginning, ive loved bein alone from the start, but everything happens naturally...unfortunately

i give and give and give and i get absolutely nothing back. im all used up.

idk everything fucking sucks rn. i didnt have to worry abt all of this when i was a smaller acc and i had myself. thats all i needed. now im just miserable. im depressed, sucidal thoughts are everyday, i cry to myself everyday and night cuz of it, im stuck living w/ this thing i made out of my pure "imagination" and that same thing almost made me kill myself one time, ive almost killed myself twice a couple months back- one in my parents bathroom and almost sneakin out of my window to wander away from home.

one day im goin to leave, and im not gonna say a word

[alldaysarenights]

On Discworld…

…and the things I’ve learned so far.

I know, I’m late, but sometimes it’s fun to discover something on your own and in your time.

Recently, I’ve started reading the Discworld series, beginning with Rincewind. And there are so many tiny things I’ve discovered, I don’t even know where to start.

I’ll give D&D a go first. As a passionate player and also a I-once-ran-a-short-campaign DM, I couldn’t but notice all the references there to find, especially with Rincewind. Right now I’m 4 books into his story, barely at the beginning, yet I’ve laughed my a** off a few times. Always wondering what he took from a former campaign. Well, at first I wondered if Sir Pratchett actually played. The internet was quick to answer the question, yes, yes of course he did. Would have been more surprised, if he didn’t.

I discovered stuff about the gods playing dice and there are sorcerer, barbarians and the luggage, which slightly reminds me of a mimic. But I guess this beast came afterwards. I told the other players of my group, and they agreed on the resemblance. Now we definitely have the plan, to tame a mimic, lol.

I could quote you so much stuff, but I’d fancy you going on an adventure and see it for yourself. Read the books, assemble some good friends, and have some fun on a silly campaign. Not necessarily in this order.

Next thing that keeps popping up in my mind, while reading, is Good Omens. I came from the Neil Gaiman side, getting lured in by Morpheus, whom I met doing some research. My comic book dealer was happy to help. Naturally, there was a point where I did read Good Omens. And it was weird, this was Gaiman, but also not, and it was so funny. I knew one day I would have to read Discworld. Unfortunately, I was a bit discouraged by the massive amount of books. The problem sorted out itself, after a friend, I’ve talked to about it, enabled me to read them.

With it came a list in which order I should proceed, so I happily jumped in, secretly nurturing the idea of reading all the books within a year. If it works out, no idea, we’ll see. If so, I might write another article on the experience.

Anyway, the point is, knowing Good Omens well as for watching the series multiple times and doing the same to the book (reading actually), I couldn’t but notice some stuff that definitely came from Terry’s side. Like phrases, he kept using. I did read: “Not as such” as an answer more than once. No matter who said it, in my imagination it was Crowley for a split second.

The first book got me so confused, I completely forgot that this was Terry Pratchett. I caught myself thinking, I was reading Neil Gaiman. This set my brain on halt and the world stood for a second. Amazing what books can do to you.

I’ve realised Death and the horsemen and how they seem unable to start a proper apocalypse. Also, sometimes there were phrases sounding a lot like Agnes Nutter. As well as the tone it is written in, the tiny wordings you sometimes aren’t aware of as an author. And it led me to the conclusion, (of course there is no other evidence and I could be totally wrong), that Neil must have invested a lot of time in re-reading the Discworld or maybe already know them by heart. For some of the things I’ve realised definitely played a part in GO2.

It is amazing how much two people can morph into one, and yet there must be a lot of work behind the scenes. I for my part can only hope that my writing buddy and I can get to this point some day. At least I’ll have to convince him to write a full-grown novel together first.

So you might ask yourself, and I know because so did I, what’s the whole point of this article? Fair enough. I came to the conclusion, that fun expands with knowledge. And I know, my sense of fun probably differs from that of others a lot. But if you are able to grasp those tiny hints and hidden pleasures, it can make a story twice as joyful.

So go out there and consume all those stories. Not just by reading. Listen to people telling their stories, watch movies, series, anime. Maybe go to the opera or watch a play. Memorise a poem or play a game. Find the medium which suits you well but keep on searching, you’ll never know what you might learn from it and what pleasures and magic are hidden in those stories. Because our world is built, or maybe better, powered by storytelling.

[compassionatereminders]

Just wondering what is your day to day like? Do you have a routine? For example if I need aomething from the store I always leave at 7.55 am so I'm there at 8 am, I go home & prepare things for lunch (like chopping onion and such small things that I hate doing so I don't need to do them later when I actually start to cook). I have my lunch. Later I go read some books, go on the internet and just like that a few hours passes. Then I start cooking, take a shower, go to work and repeat. During weekends I do the same stuff but instead of going to work I go out for a walk, meet with friends.

I feel the best when I have a routine. So I'm wondering if you are a routine person? Or not? And how your days look like?

The routines I'm trying to build/maintain at the moment are...

Hygiene:

Brush teeth twice a day

Do skin care routine (wash + moisturize) every morning

Brush hair every morning

Full shower three times a week (wash body + wash hair + condition hair + shaving if I care to + moisturize legs and arms)

Chores:

Grocery shopping on Mondays

Laundry on Tuesdays

Cleaning my apartment (vacuuming, washing and mopping the bathroom floor, cleaning sink, mirrors + toilet) on Wednesdays

Exercise:

1-2 one hour walks per day

Swimming once a week

Personal development:

Therapy on Thursdays

Reading a book for at least an hour each day

Reading at least one news article per day

Listening to an audio book for at least an hour per day

Making one drawing per day Monday to Friday

I don't manage all of it consistently, but this is what I'm working on at the moment!

[yazzberry]

any excuse to make moodboards...

I just thought I'd share with you my personal visions for this story and the characters I'm going to be writing (honestly, I'll take any excuse to make a mood board), including their birthdays, interests, visual muses, aesthetics, etc. 

If you agree with any of my visions, please let me know in the comments. I'd love to hear all your opinions and head-canons!

—୨୧—

Note: I gave all the characters the same last names as their voice actors (except for Alejandro, since they give us his last name in the show haha).

— ❥ —

Name: Courtney Lucille Barlow Birthday: October 17 (16 years old) (Libra) Interests/Hobbies: speech & debate, volleyball, reading, watching Gilmore Girls and The Vampire Diaries (guilty pleasures), student council, singing (but refuses to join the school choir), playing the piano, watching college vlogs and other youtube videos about college (her dream school is Yale) Visual Muse: (Cindy Kimberly)

— ꕥ —

Name: Bridgette Isobel Fairlie Birthday: June 25 (16 years old) (Cancer) Interests/Hobbies: surfing, swimming, marine biology, cooking vegetarian dishes, baking, crocheting (even though she's really bad at it), roller skating, riding on her bike, watching romcoms (she always cries at the happy endings), making candles, leading environmental club Visual Muse: (Sasha Pieterse)

— ❈ —

Name: Gwendolyn (Gwen) Ingrid Fahlenbock Birthday: February 8 (16 years old) (Aquarius) Interests/Hobbies: drawing in her sketchbook, painting, listening to Deftones, making playlists, binging reality TV shows (secretly loves the petty drama), painting her nails twice a week, helps make sets for school plays and stage manages, loves rainy days, smoking weed, messing with her cello, feeding stray cats Visual Muse: (Krysten Ritter)

— ♔ —

Name: Heather Saeko Wilson Birthday: January 11 (16 years old) (Capricorn) Interests/Hobbies: cheerleading, dancing ballet, keeping a following on social media, photography (she'd never admit it but she likes taking more than just selfies), watching sad romance movies and Gossip Girl, shopping, fashion, likes history (it's all just gossip), being around people (doesn't do too well alone, but would never admit it) Visual Muse: (Sandy Diana Bang)

— ✪ —

Name: Duncan Wilder Nelson Birthday: March 30 (16 years old) (Aries) Interests/Hobbies: skating, soccer, tagging graffiti everywhere (especially abandoned buildings), smoking weed, teaching his dog (Petey) tricks, loves late-night drives, listening to grunge rock, watching old movies, playing the drums, secretly likes going to vintage bookstores and record stores, loves a good Oreo McFlurry, secretly really good at math Visual Muse: (Zario Bolanos)

— ༄ —

Name: Geoff Bartol Petronijevic Birthday: December 3 (16 years old) (Sagittarius) Interests/Hobbies: surfing, swimming, wakeboarding, water polo, lacrosse (and is actually really good at it), partying, comedy movies, listening to house music and international music (especially eastern European), cooking for friends, is determined to throw a Project X-level party someday, actually really likes pottery and clay-making Visual Muse: (Brad Pitt)

— ✼ —

Name: Trent Theodore McCord Birthday: April 26 (16 years old) (Taurus) Interests/Hobbies: playing the guitar, listening to all genres of music, watching and reviewing great films (loves Letterbox'd), reading, writing songs and poems, surfing the internet, taking care of his little sisters when his mom isn't home, driving to scenic spots for song inspiration and some peace of mind, working a shift at the local daycare center Visual Muse: (Logan Lerman)

—    ҉    —

Name: Alejandro Matías Burromuerto Birthday: August 13 (16 years old) (Leo) Interests/Hobbies: soccer, beach volleyball, singing, student council, theater and drama, posting on social media, flirting with random girls (but never seeing it through), partying, watching black & white films, always seeks to outshine his brother (often doesn't succeed), tutoring others (is really strong in all subjects) Visual Muse: (Xavier Serrano)

friendly reminder that this is all for my story now posted on wattpad and fanfiction.net, ENDGAME.

[asteria7fics]

Oh, hey! How’d you get here?!

Welcome to my little corner of the internet!

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

I’m Asteria, but my friends call me Teri and my pronouns are she/her!

Asks and DM's are always welcome! However...

I’m a grown adult, so please if you’re a minor that wants to interact with me, keep it to my ask box only! Take it from someone who was privately talking to grown people online much too young, it’s never worth it! Protect your peace so I can protect mine. ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

I write South Park fics and shit! Here’s what you can currently read on my ao3!

The Song of Broflovski (TSOB)

A parody/retelling of the Trojan War through the exploits of some small town fourth graders. Crass and silly and meant to closely mimic the feel of the show. Great for people who don’t like smut, but DO like toilet humor and kids that cuss!

Exactly Where I Left You (EWILY)

My take on a high school au with a little twist, complete with overly-dramatic teenaged angst, love triangles and sexual awakenings. This fic takes place within the same universe as TSOB, though that isn’t required reading to enjoy this story! Be warned though, this one does contain mild smut.

Remplir Sa Bouche (RSB)

A smut-heavy one-shot I cooked up one day, where Stan works as a private chef for Kyle and his wealthy family. This fic exists well outside of my typical universe, and outside of any concept of decency. If you dare take a bite, then I hope you’ll enjoy your meal. Bon appetite!

Other content:

You can listen to music I associate with the EWILY boys and their arcs on my Spotify!

The EWILY boys also got Pinterest boards! Featuring a WIP board for RSB (˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵)

Current WIPS:

La Petite Mort (title subject to change): The much requested sequel to RSB!

EWILY extras: One-shots covering bits that didn’t quite make the cut for EWILY, but still add something to the story!

And many more ideas currently waiting for their turn in the oven!

(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

Since you’re still here, I’ll share some other things about me!

I’m a double Scorpio, Aries rising and INFP!

I primarily ship Style (or Stanky if you prefer) and Bunny, but I also dabble in Bendy and Yentlman. And Creek, of course. Canon kings.

Though South Park is my primary focus, I also like a lot of other cartoons! I’m also a big fan of Bojack Horseman, Moral Orel, Clone High (the first season rip), Futurama, Smiling Friends, ATLA, Castlevania, the list does kinda go on. Feel free to chat with me about other shows!

I am also an anime enjoyer, though I don’t keep up with a lot of the modern popular shows. Hands down my favorite shows have been Ouran High School Host Club, Black Butler (the manga is better hehe), Madoka Magica, Panty & Stocking, Spy Family, Aggretsuko and Clannad!

Very casual video game enjoyer. Some of my favorite games include TFBW (obviously!! A masterpiece!!), The OG Spyro trilogy, Bayonetta, Assassin’s Creed (especially Odyssey, you KNOW I’m a Classical Greece girly), and The Sims.

I listen to just about any kind of music, but I’m especially partial to pop-punk and k-pop. My absolutely faves of all time are BTS, Twice and FOB.

I’m not afraid to block people, or tags for that matter. Won’t yuck your yum (too much) but if I don’t wanna see it, I won’t be seeing it.

Thank you for reading this long-ass post! I hope you have fun here!!

[cursed-man-prayers]

Ever since Kit Connor was forced to out himself due to accusations of queer-baiting, hetlors love to bring it up as a take-down against gaylors. They'll come into TikTok comments and Tumblr asks and be like, "what about that kid from Heartbreakers?" (they do not seem to care enough about Kit to learn his name or the show he is known for). They've hear, from a distance, that an 18-year-old was outed because of Twitter discourse and assume that this is the same thing that gaylors are doing to Taylor Swift.

But it's not. It's not the same thing. At all.

If the people bringing up Kit Connor took the time to understand the context of what happened and why, it would be glaringly obvious that these things are not at all the same. They're virtually opposites.

Kit was accused of queer-baiting, and while definitions of words change (I know about linguistics), queer-baiting was coined as a word to describe pieces of media whose creators purposefully hint at queer relationships in order to retain their queer fanbases (think Supernatrual/Destiel, Teen Wolf/Sterek, etc.). People (mainly youths on Twitter) accused Kit of queer-baiting because he played a bisexual character in a TV show and was then seen with a female friend. These absurd claims were the result of fundamentally misunderstanding queer experiences and identities outside of the internet. Most of these accusers were likely too young to have witnessed clear examples of queer-baiting or understand why it's harmful and why queer people call it out. Kit wasn't queer-baiting. He was an actor who hadn't labeled his sexuality (something he discussed in interviews). He was 18, in his first major role, getting a slew of unanticipated media attention, and his privacy was violated. He was forced to out himself because people refused to listen to him, refused to consider that choosing to not label their sexuality (especially a young person!) is a thing that queer people do sometimes (frequently).

So how does this relate to Taylor Swift? (Spoiler alert: it doesn't.)

Taylor Swift has been releasing music since she was 16. She is currently 33 years old, more than twice the age she was when she started. She has been massively famous for the majority of her career. Taylor is rich. Taylor is powerful. Yes, she's a human being, but we (the general public) typically only see what Taylor chooses to show us (there are few exceptions to this, though they definitely do exist). Taylor encourages analysis of her music, public appearances, and promotional material. She has a highly skilled PR team (shoutout Tree Paine).

Kit Connor was outed because people cling to the belief that straight is the default. If someone doesn't explicitly come out in a way that is fully comprehensible to non-queer people, they are assumed straight. This is a belief rooted in homophobia. "Speculating on someone's sexuality" isn't gross. It's been a necessary part of queer life since the inception of homophobia.

Queer flagging isn't new. There are documented codes and symbols and phrases that have been used for decades to identify yourself as queer without making it obvious to straight people and homophobes. Friends of Dorothy, hairpin dropping, a variety of flowers (violets, carnations, lavender).

Queer artists have been encoding their queerness into their work. Emily Dickinson likely coined the term bearding by using bearded pronouns—using masculine pronouns for herself or her female lover in poetry. She wrote "from the male perspective." Reading her poems about Sue Gilbert Dickinson, it's glaringly obviously gay—romantic, sexual, queer. And yet, to this day, her queerness is erased from the narrative. It even happens to Sappho. And all these years later, the presumption of heterosexuality dominates analysis of art and music.

The "hetero until proven homo" philosophy has lead to queer erasure for centuries. Taylor Swift has consistently used known queer codes since the 1989 album (see: New Romantic, Wonderland, the I Know Places tour performance, How You Get The Girl). When these songs, etc. have been pointed out as being literally queer-coded, Taylor hasn't backed down. She's stepped it up. She wrote "you could hear a hairpin drop" in Right Where You Left Me, queer people pointed out that "hairpin drop" has implications involving important queer history, and then she did it again in the Great War ("your finger on my hairpin trigger"). She intentionally subverted a common phrase, and it wasn't accidental. Queer people claimed Dress as a sapphic song, and Taylor used excessive bisexual lighting in her performance and then dedicated that performance to Loie Fuller, a queer artist. She wore a blue, purple, and pink wig in the You Need To Calm Down music video, on a production set drowning in LGBTQ folks perfectly qualified to tell her those were the colors of the bi pride flag.

There are countless examples of Taylor Swift using historical queer symbols and pride flag colors. These are symbols she actively chooses to use. She isn't stupid.

You know what Taylor Swift hasn't done? She has never said she is straight. At most, she has implied it. She hasn't said people saying she's gay makes her uncomfortable. She hasn't stopped using queer symbols or themes.

Before I really became a gaylor, I spent a lot of time wondering if it was weird or invasive or gross. But is it weird to read her lyrics? Is it invasive to look at publicly available photos of her? Is it gross to think that Taylor Swift isn't straight?

No. Obviously.

We're not trying to "force her out of the closet." We barely think she's in a closet. She is so loud to the people who are listening, who understand what she's saying, to other sapphics.

I'll end with this: When Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss were photographed at the 1975 concert, I refused to believe they were kissing. The only reason I didn't believe it is because I was a homophobic 15-year-old. I clung to her being straight because of my internalized homophobia, because I needed the one non-Christian artist I listened to to be morally pure. And that's what this is about. Homophobia, internalized or otherwise.

tl;dr: Taylor Swift is speaking loudly about her queerness to the people that are listening. She has made queer references and doubled-down on them when people pointed them out or claimed it must've been accidental. Assuming people are straight until explicitly stated otherwise is rooted in homophobia. She is a fully grown adult who controls the narrative of how people see her. What if I told you none of it was accidental?

[nburkhardt]

Quick, modern day!

He’s stuck. He’s twenty years old and he’s stuck. Been out of high school for a few years, didn’t get into any college his family wanted. All of his friends either he ditched them or they’re all too young. Working a dead-end job, not loving it and quickly getting into a routine that’s making him go crazy.

“Stuck” is the only way to describe him.

His only outlet is writing out whatever thoughts he has, usually just phrases that make no sense to others or it seems like lyrics or poems. It’s doesn’t see the light of day, all of them locked up in his notes app.

It happens by accident.

He’s not one to believe in signs, not really. But after coming across multiple people change the direction of their life by just leaving their hometown, well, who could blame him? Seeing someone admit on the news that they just packed up their stuff in their car and drove and drove and drove away, was the best thing for them. Even if they had no money to their name or a house to call their home.

It was freeing, it was a second chance. It was amazing.

Reading back on one of his notes, his eyes taking in some of the words and seeing lyrics to something jump at him. Without anything but a simple beat and a rough voice, he started recording and eventually ending up with his goodbye. His note to anyone that would care for him. Telling those that this is his chance, he’s done being stuck and needs an out. Telling his parents that he did his best, that it should’ve been enough. That this is his life, that he’s not angry anymore.

This is his second chance at life and he needs this.

After getting the video all set to his liking, he quickly picked his bags and threw them in his car, started to drive away. Waiting until he’s long past the Hawkins welcome sign, pulling to a stop on the side. To post the video, to send the video as well.

“Please don’t be angry, I’m not afraid. This goodbye is a second chance for me”

A few days later, the video is trending. The internet wondering who this guy is, where he’s going and what made him take a risk. The only clue to who he is being his username: TheHair

———

This definitely popped into my head while listening to Shinedown’s “Second Chance” and it wouldn’t leave me alone. I even stopped painting something to type this up, it probably doesn’t make a whole lot of sense since it has no name to the character or that there’s no dialogue.

If it didn’t click once until the end, it’s about a modern day Steve. Throw canon out the window okay? This Steve helped the Party once or twice. Only Dustin taking the time to get to know him but there’s still a good chunk of years between them. He and Nancy broke up and he ditched Tommy still, but since the upside down isn’t a thing here…he never met Robin or Eddie. His parents aren’t terrible but they aren’t that loving either.