#i like when it's abt them both orbiting each other while having feelings and not knowing how to meet in the middle just yet lol

[ridl]

I love ganqing bc it's just two normal, mature women. Even if Ganyu is more withdrawn, Keqing wouldn't be able to stand the hesitation and inaction for too long, so if she wants to confess she's just gonna do it. No stupid, endless, mind games and bullshit <3

Dense Keqing is also good i think, bc Ganyu wouldn't be that smug annoying asshole who berates the other for "being dense and not asking them out" while putting no effort into it themselves, she'd just find it endearing and try to communicate better until it works. She's patient. And it's also interesting to think abt Ganyu taking a leaf out of Keqing's book, and finding the boldness to just confess herself despite her quiet, withdrawn nature. If clear and straightforward is what Keqing likes best, then Ganyu could perhaps do it like that for her

[the-moon-files]

Linked Universe / GN!Reader - Random Headcanons abt the Chain! :)

Part 1 / Part 2 (ur here!) / Part 3

Sun: Reader (you/they/them)

Orbit: Headcanons-ish

Stars: Hyrule, Time, Fierce Deity, Twilight, Warriors

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: light cussing, & Trigger Warnings: none known.

☆

Hyrule (The Legend of Zelda - OG game, Zelda II: Adventures of Link):

Lost easily, obviously, you know this

What you didnt know was that its very easy to get lost with him

Bc he's so excited/curious for new sights he doesnt give any fucks abt where he is, so it devolves into that "wait, I thought YOU were leading us there?? Then where tf are we??!!" very quickly

Does feel bad he stressed u out smtimes but he somehow manages to get into such wild shit that Hyrule's kinda preoccupied being confused/amazed/finding his way out, or any combo of these situations (once again, usually with you unfortunately)

Is the luckiest when it comes to getting lost or anything to do with "natural" things

Like he heard u rlly like this one fruit? Accidentally gets lost all day and panics all the Links + You until he shows up at midnight with a shirtful of them

("I found a few fruit trees/plants in the woods while wandering! I tried to grab a few for you and before I knew it, it was dark, sorry...")

Likes learning little skills from other people, like learning how to do makeup from Legend, or how to spot collections of rupees the Minish have left somewhere from Four, or how walk on any terrain from Wind (good at walking on a ship, on land, climbing etc)

More of a "sunset" hiker than a "sunrise" one

Likes to do your hair! Whether that be braiding, putting accessories (he handmade shhh) thruout it, or helping with hair maintenance, likes how strangely intimate but domestic it feels together with you (u return the favor ofc)

(All the other heroes are looking at you both like kicked puppies jfcccc🙄)

Time (Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask):

Gets anxious if he's late to things, likes being fashionably early (or ungodly, when u let him get away with it)

Has absolutely been that meme from Parks and Recreation where he's like "Alright. I'm not mad, I just wanna know. Who broke it?"

(Abt the coffee pot for the camp)

Knowing full and well-

"I broke it. It burnt my coffee for the 3rd morning in a row, so I punched it. I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with war paint on their faces and a moblin head on a stick. ...good. It was getting a little chummy around here."

MF LOVES GOSSIP (wouldn't admit this even at swordpoint)

Wars has absolutely been the person in the meme of:

Wars: "...why would you tell me this??"

Time: "Bc no one will ever believe you."

Wars: ...😦

Has a resting bitch face and knows it, actively cultivates it, scary dog privileges for you,

Type to take ur side in whatever situation ur in, even when Time has no idea whats going on, always, without question <3

The same height as First, (Twi's a close 2nd), and feels most secure when the 3 of you are at the front of the group, but First/Time are slightly in front of you

Like ur literally the person walking their 2 huge scary doobermans/mastiffs one leash in each hand basically 💀

(Once again, Link is deeply comforted by ur voice just over his shoulder/just hearing u even without seeing you)

Very subtly sarcastic, u dont even know he made a dig at you until 3-5 business days later

Likes ur sarcasm more than anyone else's in the group, or even his own lol

Fierce Deity (Majora's Mask):

Likes music, any music (amused at drunk karaoke)

Casually cradles ur arms or back whenever ur falling asleep/tripping/being clumsy near him

Very warm and smoothed calloused hands

Thinks abt what he's about to say so hard/long, that the conversation's moved on by like, 3 rounds/subject changes by the time he's actually ready to talk

Scolds ppl (in like a sentence) who neglect their needs, like sleeping/eating/hygiene

Finds peace in nature, if hes ever upset, u can bet he's already taking a walk by a stream

Likes teaching u/other Links little skills he has, its nice to feel appreciated/needed for something other than fighting or big moments

He falls in love with small moments, like the first time u made them all a dessert recipe from ur world, or repaired First's scarf (for the millioneth time) and bc everyone had gotten their clothes scratched up, everyone needed repairs so most Links were sewing smth lol

Enjoys watching ppl experience smth for the first time, or even himself exp smth for first time

Fierce smiled fully for the first time when you got into the mountain hot springs in Wild's Hyrule for the first time and were super excited

Also the type to hold ur hand while stepping in to make sure u dont fall, or just subtly boost a Link that was abt to fall from climbing smth

Like for being the tallest, he's surprisingly sneaky, the energy of the biggest cat in the house yet somehow also the quietest

Does that thing where someone takes ur hand and like massages ur fingers, palm, wrist and shakes them out kinda for you <3

Twilight (Twilight Princess):

Trips UP the stairs.

Cold start LMAO

ok ill be nice to him,, sike

Easy to bully?? U mean that kindly, he's just such a golden retriever sometimes u cant help urself (tho u make sure to reign it in and not take advantage of it so as not to genuninely hurt him)

Lol likes to "herd" his favorite people, like those dogs livestock farmers have u kno that they say end up herding their owners/their family lol

Like making subtle circles around the Chain, wrapping an arm around Hyrule and teasing him to quietly bring him back into the group before he gets lost,

Tugs on Time's armor to slow him down, mf may be in armor head to toe but he'll outpace all of u 💀

Likes to put his hand on ur lower back to guide u back into the group from whatever scenic thing u got distracted by

(so sue you, ur literally in The Legend of Zelda's Hyrule, surrounded by pretty blondes, why tf wouldnt you be distracted all the time??)

The only time he doesnt herd actively is in Ordon, just subconciously lol <3

Terrible sleep schedule, but sleeps like the dead when he does, has collapsed with a limb on top of you and u couldnt escape

Hard time waking up in the morning despite being country boy, who usually have to do chores first thing in morning on a farm

hates/envious of Wild (up at 5am even on days off?? Foul.)

Runs warm, but complains abt a slight breeze?

Would sleep with no covers if it werent for morning dew

Wishes cats liked him more (its the wolf smell)

Twi has the constant energy of a tall person carefully maneuvering around cluttered/low doorways while someone a head shorter runs by him and bounces off of him

U get onto/scold the Links and he's immediately the first to just sit on the ground, or put down whatever he's holding no matter what he's doing LMAO 😭😭

Keeps his eyes on u too the whole time lol

Warriors (Hyrule Warriors):

Cries over romance novels/dramas

A virgo in all stereotypes of the word tbh

Invented the red-string conspiracy theory board before the red-string conspiracy board existed in Hyrule

Also likes to take care of your hair! (What?? He and 'Rulie don't fight over ur hair, that'd be childish, he's not a foolish boy- Hyrule, hand over the brush.👹)

Remembers the little things abt u type of person, like ur favorite drink, ur favorite stories like tv shows/books even if theyre from ur world, ur favorite clothing pieces like shorts vs. pants, etc.

The only Link who can single handedly claim he could take your closet and dress you in something you'd actually wear.

Honestly once he got the hang of it, would get better at dressing you, than you

(Another domestic thing he adores, picking outfits for u/finding that perfect piece of clothing you've been needing lately)

Born to night-owl, forced to morning-bird 😔

Wars wakes up stiff sometimes bc soldier training is sleeping on ur back, hands to ur sides, laying straight in ur bed, so as to fit into bunks/bedrolls close together

It got better as he was promoted to Captain, so he could have his own quarters but its still a hard habit to shake

One of the few Links who works up the courage to genuinely pitfully ask if you'd mind massaging his shoulders again? He slept badly last night, please?? 🥺👉👈

(Ur so weak for pathetic hurting pretty blonde twinks lol)

The most lowkey abt taking care of Chain, but u make sure to take care of him as a gift back, and you've definitely caught him tearing up abt it 💖

☆

Debated writing smth else first but figured this was easy and short and i started it first so youll have to wait like one more post before more Masc Reader stuff guys 😔

Dw its coming, i havent abandoned u my homies out there 🫂

Let me know what u think in the comments of my slight characterizations here!

Im struggling to conceptualize their personalities so thats acc part of why i started to write smaller stuff like this first! :)

Peace out,

🌙

[twistedastrology]

hi. yap to me. about your chart. and tell me what you think about other placements PLEASE!!

god bless u omg ok lemme break it down 4 u

why im built like that: a yapping session abt my own chart

ok so firts things first we gotta go thru my absolute pride and joy- this is the placement that when i discovered it in my baby astrologer era i was like Omg thats so cool what-

we got mars and saturn in my 1st house ur honor (unless in whole sign houses in which case saturn is in my 2nd 💔)

i always loved saturn as a planet before i got into astrology n then i came 2 love it even more and this bad boy in my 1st house is why i am so petrified of losing who i am!!!! and my mars i think just makes me very energetic and driven tbh amongst many other things

ofc these 2 are largely responsible for a lot in my chart but that's the basics of what they do-

SECOND THING'S SEOCNDN-

my other pride and joy, my mercury in gemini 💞💞💞💞

i love mercury SO much and despite it largely being the reason for my adhd, it absolutely dominates my chart (along with my outer planets) and is so powerful that it colors my sun more gemini than taurus (especially since i literally dont have any other earth placement except for my lilith in virgo- im all water/fire/air 🙏🙏)

in whole sign houses it would be also be in my 12th house which makes so much sense for me bc i will psychoanalyze Everyone to an ungodly degree because i love learning how people fundamentally work and how things influence them- this and my jupiter in scorpio + moon/neptune in my 8th house is the reason for my love of psychology-

THIRD THISNGS THIRD-

my outer planets ���🥰🥰🥰

i was born in the pre shadow period of uranus retrograde btw so while i strongly feel the effects of it being in pisces, i also feel the effects of if it was in my 8th house-

uranus and neptune are both direct in my chart and they're also in mutual reception so they have a LOOOOOT of power in my chart especially if u read my neptune post where i said neptune actually rules cancer (and the moon rules pisces) bc then neptune is given more power via my cancer rising-

my pluto is actually In retrograde so i often have to read pluto in 5th house stuff bc i feel it way more than pluto in 6th house stuff- and like i said in my jupiter post that got fucking obliterated by god for some reason, my pluto is actually conjunct Sagittarius A* (the galaxy's black hole) with only a difference of 51 minutes, and it's in mutual reception with my jupiter in scorpio so there's a lOT going on there 💔💔💔

that pluto tho and probably jupiter too tbh is why whenever im doing something creative whether it be editing or writing or one of the other 5 billion things i do, i usually feel like i turn into some sort of conduit for something WAY bigger than myself and all my cancer energy amplifies it and makes whatever i do also have a very cathartic property to it!!!

4TH THSINSGS FORUTH

since ive been super into astrology ive also looked at my mom's chart like 1 billion times and mine too and what i find fascinating is that she's a capricorn rising and i have saturn in my 1st house, and she has mars in cancer and venus in aries just like i do, but her mars is conjunct her descendant line just like mine is conjunct my ascendant line-

she's also saturn ruled as hell but she's an aries sun/mercury and u would THINK we would hate each other but no we literally have an unbreakable bond- i know the usual idea of like a capricorn mom vs a cancer child is Not Great but her and i make me wonder otherwise 😭😭😭

5YH THINGS FIFTH-

i have some extremely slay aspects ur honor- I like 2 think anyway-

my fav aspects i have are:

- mercury sextile saturn

- uranus trine ascendant

- sun conjunct mercury

and despite it being a hard aspect and a hard 10° orbit aspect,

- sun square neptune

even tho it's within 10° i still feel a Looot of influence from that one- i am a little delusional sometimes but my saturn in 1st does a good job of maintaining it and bringing me down to earth, but in my astrologer's handbook (my fav book 💔💔) it says, and i quote, "a well developed mercury and saturn will do much to offset the negative effects of this square" and i have both of those ur honor God bless holy shit id be off my FUCK without those 2 planets-

but then it continues and says "very often peculiar emotional desires and romantic tendencies are indicated, which can range from platonic love to the most morbid and debased physical type of sensuality." which THAT part i feel immensely- Nobody should ever look in my brain please 4 the love of god for ur sake n mine dont do it thwnk u-

But that's also probably bc i got the pluto influence right bc my neptune is in my 8th house- which btw im p sure pluto is exalted in Aquarius but i can get into that in another post probably-

6TH THSINGS SSIXTH

my uranus trine ascendant also loves to make me weird as fuck- i am a very peculiar individual and my mercury in an aries degree of Gemini also makes me yap Constantly bro i am the yapatron 5000- that (and my chiron in aquarius 💔) is why i have like a whole 1 friend that genuinely appreciates my yapping- him and my mom (my mom and i yap together tho HAHAHA)

my chiron in aquarius tho hit fucking Hard when i was a wee lad and still kinda does but im workin on it ur honor- i just never felt accepted and never Was accepted in friend groups and stuff and it was only until i started going with my north node in aries that i started actually being able to socialize and stuff- bc i legitimately thought "fuck it im just gonna be weird as fuck and whoever likes me for it will like me for Me and not some dumb shit-"

basically weeding out the losers fr-

7TH THINGSS SEVENETH-

btw i hope everytime anyone has read the 1ST THINGS 1ST or whatever they read it in the tone of believer by imagine dragons like that one tiktok audio of like "1st thing's 1st!!!! 2nd thing's 3rd!!! First seocnd third thing's third???" ANAYYWAY-

if u read my cancers n rage post too ull know where im comin from w/this but my cancer rising + mars in cancer gives me this unfathomable rage that legitimately makes my blood feel like it's physically boiling, my heart starts pounding and i get SO shaky- that's only when im super pissed But with the mars energy i literally have to get it out via moshing 2 korn DUDE HAHAHHAHAAH OMG THAT REMINDS ME-

speaking of!!!! i was strugglin real bad like a couple weeks ago now right and i put my earbuds in and listened to chi and to this D A Y. i cannot listen to that song without getting that ungodly rage dude it's diabolical But i literally lost my shit so hard that day i think had i been standing and not doubled over on the floor for my own safety, i woulda broken my knee again (another story i have 🥰🥰)

i did howveer almost fuck up my nose by slamming my face into the floor a little But we're good!!!!! i get very physical 💔 i have so many injuries ive given myself bc of that insane amount of energy i have i could make a list dude it's devious-

God bless u jonathan davis 😭😭😭😭💞💞💞

genuinely tho i aint ever heard more honest 2 god screams that spoke to me THAT much like god DAMN

ANYWAY im silly my bad guys-

8TH THSING'S 8TH-

i tHIK that's it- i could probably go into more detail abt specific things but this is like an overview SO 🙏🙏🙏

thank u for readig my yapping sesison UHHHHMMMMMMMMMMM 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

[viktorgf]

Andie/Sam + 1, 12 Celeste/Thanatos + 9, 17 Bianca/Panam + 2, 21 Odette/Smoke + 20

And you can do 31 for any/all of them 🫡🧡

GOLD RUSH

—1. what drew your character to their love interest and vice versa?

sam was not immune to andie’s general aura of warmth, because who doesn’t wanna be around the physical manifestation of a ray of sunshine fr? andie is generally comfortable to be around and provided a much needed sense of warmth— a feeling that had evaded sam for so long. and even tho andie would never admit it, his silly charm worked on her so she was more than happy to stick around for his sake.

—12. do they have similar goals? if they clash, how do they deal?

andie doesn’t necessarily care abt the artifacts that they hunt so much as the journey to get there. there is so much history to absorb and she gets lost in it, while sam is more goal-oriented. of course, he’s gonna appreciate the craftsmanship and the history but he isn’t gonna spend so much time basking in it as andie would. sometimes he has to give her a gentle nudge to keep going cs “there’s still so much ground to cover, andie” while she’s just climbing a building to see it all before her as god intended. anyway.

—31. share anything you would like about the couple!

andie will not drink a cup of coffee unless sam makes it for her. he gets the sugar to cream to coffee ratio perfect every single time and he did it once for her, just so she could have a cup and hopefully enjoy it. she didn’t really— she is still much more partial to tea but when she needs a little bit extra caffeine she brews a pot of coffee and sam just. knows to make her a cup.

RITE OF THE SANDS

—9. how open are they with their feelings?

it’s like pulling teeth to get either of these two to openly talk abt any kind of feelings whatsoever. good thing they have literally all of eternity to figure this out cs they will both put it off for as long as possible. most of it isn’t intentional tho, than is goddamn busy with mortals killing each other and celeste is just. thinking abt other things. like weaving the strings of time and evading questions abt the outcome.

—17. their ways of expressing their love.

quality time. than especially doesn’t have much time to spare so whenever he gets a minute, he’ll hang out with celeste in the house. or she will desire a change of scenery lest she drowns herself in the styx, so she’ll hang out at the balcony with than, overlooking the hoards of souls coming through and making idle chit chat. it’s their favorite part of the day. or—night? whenever.

—31. share anything you would like about the couple!

there are three of those little white butterflies that hover around thanatos hovering around celeste when she’s in the house without him. when he’s in the house, they leave her and presumably just. go wherever the others go, but when he leaves they return to her and just. exist in her orbit. a memento, perhaps.

LIVE FAST, DIE YOUNG

—2. what was the first moment that they knew they were in love with their love interest?

panam had hung out at afterlife while bianca was doing a dj set for some extra cash and decided to hang back to compliment the craft. bianca was infatuated after that fr

—21. personally, do you think they are a good couple? 

i do!! i think they compliment each other very well— live fast die young bad girls do it well you know. jk but fr panam is such a ride or die and bianca is fun and fresh and they just. have so much fun. bianca is always doing something new and looking for excitement and panam i think likes to be along for the ride so they��re really just best friends that are in a committed relationship. it works 🫶🏻

—31. share anything you would like about the couple!

bianca lets panam fiddle and tinker with her car when she’s bored. panam has literally tricked the fuck out of bianca’s car just for fun— she installed a neon light kit, a spoiler, put a wrap on it, modified everything under the sun.

SMOKE & MIRRORS

—20. did either person change at all, to be with their partner?

their whole thing is “it’s rotten work.” “not to me, not if it’s you.” so it’s a lot of both of them being traumatized and choosing to love each other anyway, which morphs them back into the people they’re supposed to be. you know? the love they have makes them feel like people again so they act like it. so not really a change so much as a.. reverse burial. an exhumation if you will.

—31. share anything you would like about the couple!

odette is an artist at her core so she sketches a LOT. like a lot— i’m talking sketchbooks on sketchbooks. she has a few with dress designs, measurements, ideas, etc but a lot of them also have portraits and quick sketches of her friends, her family.

but she also has one sketchbook that’s just. all sketches of smoke. she pulls it out when she misses him while he’s away in earthrealm. sometimes she adds to it, others she just flips through it and ends up falling asleep with it. she’s a little obsessed with him idk

[kraviolis]

chapter 4 of the hl:a soundtrack coming out got me thinking abt this au i made for hl where the basic gist is “gman learns what the magic of friendship really is” (i wrote a lot abt it in discord and im gonna just c+p it here sjhkdfgksdf)

basically, post-canon au, gman gets his eldritch powers taken away and has to team up with alyx and gordon to find the motherfucker who took em because in the wrong hands they could destroy the universe and gman has to learn how to humble himself. or maybe gman just gets "let go" or takes basically like a forced sabbatical.

i just want gman to get "humbled" by gordon's crowbar and then actually become friends with him and alyx, basically.

also thinking abt like.... the whole situation with "post canon". with 19 year old alyx traveling 5 years into the future and destroying the borealis and eli being alive. just thinking about how interesting it would be if alyx was just suddenly 5 years younger and the last thing she remembered before being put in stasis or whatever was saving eli. and she and gordon can bond over playing catch-up (though her version is far less extreme) and gordon has to build up that friendship again. and she and gordon are still linked thru the vortessence, as it transcends time and space, and thats how gordon was able to get her back, albeit not the alyx he knew.

just really like. imagining an opening that sets up the world building. it's been 4 months since they destroyed the borealis and got alyx back. eli is alive. they're slowly rebuilding the world, starting with opening communications across the world. it's taking a while-- eli, alyx, and kleiner are all working hard to get a bunch of satellites into orbit to be able to contact folks across continents.

they have farms growing and the main base of operations for Black Mesa East have been moved to approx. where austria once was. gordon and alyx are walking the streets that are lively and loud and happy and he's talking about how the world used to be. alyx smells freshly baked bread for the first time in her life and they find themselves in the middle of what used to be a pub and is now... honestly its still a pub. just wasn't in use for a while, but it is now.

dusty bottles have been dragged out and sealed bags of flour and salt and containers of clean water were found in the basement and the woodfire stove is being managed by a vort. they stop for a while and have a drink and talk with other folks. gordon is withdrawn from everyone else bcus he's an introvert and also it's kinda hard to talk to people when everyone keeps staring at you and muttering your name like you're a saint and they're in a church.

barney shows up and gordon smirks as he offers him a beer, making him go "aw man, now i owe you another one." and they chat in their own little world and catch up because barney's been busting his ass trying to set up protections and training for citizens.

but gordon overhears some folks talking about the abandoned lab just outside of the town, untouched by the combine all this time. they also mention hearing strange noises. and gordon meets barney's eyes and barney just. sighs and goes "alright, fine, put those puppy dog eyes away. i'll let eli and isaac know. i assume alyx is comin' with?"

alyx is filled in and the three of them suit up to go check it out.

the entire lab is decrepit and everything is covered in dirt and dust and rust. gordon and alyx go on ahead while barney searches the place more thoroughly, trying to find supplies they might want or search the still-functioning computers.

they keep going into the lab and it just gets deeper and darker and gordon is struggling to chill out because its starting to feel more and more like black mesa down here. alyx hates the dark too and sticks close to him.

but then she finds something, seemingly important, and starts to check it out while gordon walks around and scouts the room. he hears a noise, a clang, and apparently alyx doesnt hear it. he follows the noise into a pitch black hallway offshooting from the room alyx is in.

he hears the noise again, a clanging thud, like a something falling against a metal floor. or something slamming itself against a door.

gordon readies his crowbar. he can see the door it's going to come from, the rusted metal creaking with each thud. it slams again one, twice, and then the door bursts open. gordon immediately sees a humanoid shape in the dark, thinks its a zombie, but realizes it's movements are too calculated to be mindless. its a person, he cant make out any details but that's a person down here-- a person that immediately scrambles back from the door just in time to avoid getting grabbed by a headcrab that lunges out of the room too.

gordon doesn't hesitate to take several steps forward, ready to beat it to death and save them, but he watches the figure quickly stand and slam their heel into the headcrab. he hears the snap of bone and the squish of flesh and sees the headcrab twitch, struggling to move, before they do it again. the greenish yellow blood splatters against the metal floor.

the headcrab doesn't get back up and the figure sniffs, adjusts their clothing in the same mechanical, calculated way that gordon struggles to place. its familiar but not enough for him to recognize just from body language alone.

gordon remembers his flashlight, then, and clicks it on. he sees the mess of a headcrab on the floor, a shoe covered in its blood, and slowly travels up to the figures face. his stomach sinks when he sees the back of his head, his usually perfectly-cut hair out of place and dirty. he adjusts his cuffs, his tie, smooths down his jacket lapels and turns around to look at gordon. his eyes are glowing in the dark of the hallway, pale blue and dreadful.

"ah..." the government man says, his eyes flashing to look gordon up and down. "mr... freeman. you seem to have... caught, me, at a rather... unfortunate, time."

and gordon... is frozen. this is so far out of left field that his isn't entirely sure if it's real.

gordon closes his eyes, shakes his head, and looks back up but the man is still there eyes blank and clinical.

"mr. freeman," he starts again. "you--"

the man is interrupted by another headcrab lunging from the dark. it latches onto the arm he raised and he grunts, wrestling with it for a moment. he slams back against the wall, the thud echoing loudly throughout the hallway. he manages to throw the creature off with a noise of pain, and before it can right itself and lunge again, a gunshot echoes and the headcrab falls limp.

"gordon!" alyx cries, running down the hallway. "why are you just standing-- ...there." she falls quiet when she takes in the other person with them, her brow furrowing and her eyes flickering across him, taking in every inch of detail and every observable weakness-- she does it with every potential threat.

"ah--" the government man winces, leaning heavily against the the wall, holding his arm. he's bleeding, red soaking into his blue suit, and gordon is at a complete loss of words. "ms. vance... what a... pleasure, to see you again."

and both gordon and alyx just stand there, staring, watching the man who has tormented them stand there and bleed red as if.... as if he were nothing but a human being.

"what. the. fuck," alyx hisses.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket SE2, ep12, part2

The way this ep was handled make it stands alone outside of furuba’s world. It can very well be an anime film. We don’t even need to know why the main couple broke up or anything abt the curse lore. It’s a story abt a couple who could’ve been the happiest, but parted ways despite loving each other still. A story about a woman ,one-sidedly, falling deeply in love with a taken man despite wishing the couple all the happiness. Mayu was right “ ppl don’t fall in love to be sad & lonely” but everybody in this ep was sad & lonely. Including shigure. 

-Standing Still while everybody moves on:

Kana moved on & married. Yet, Hatori stood still, time has passed, his heart healed, but his mind didn’t. He condemned himself into life long confinement next to his abuser, like a robot, always within Akito’s reach, always on call. One day he’s out picking up a book, didn’t even intend to!, then he gets scolded for daring to go outside his virtual cage. First time he went to take the book, he was tricked by Shigure, but the second time he went on his own volition. He wanted an excuse to escape. Mayu, too, stood still as time passed, still feeling guilty abt loving hatori. still held by the past. She’s too aware that her emotions were once one-sided that she fears taking a step forward.

-Shigure’s “Steal Him!!!” advice:

“steal him” as if hatori is a helpless toy. This is very interesting insight into shigure’s mentality:

(a) Maybe Shigure only said that to urge Mayu to do sth for herself. he’s playing the role of the author putting characters in situations & watching how they react & how things unfold. It also shows a kind of sickening delight he has upon watching dramatic situations. Then..don’t we all love drama?.but i dare hope that we don’t instigate it.

(b) Maybe Shigure really wants Mayu to “steal” hatori cuz that’s how he wants to do with Akito. He wants to steal her from Kureno. By stealing he means play the tricks of seducing & manipulating the situations to his/her favor. This puts a whole perspective into the already know fact of shigure not justifying his actions of manipulating others for his gain. He loves Akito & for the name of love, he shall do what he needs to do. Including using others. If shigure wants sth, he reaches out & takes it. If he can’t, he’ll play dirty until he can. He truly wanted Mayu to follow his footsteps to gain hatori. Maybe he wants to feel that he’s not the only one tainted by loving someone who doesn’t love them back equally. Cuz afterall Mayu is his shoes now. I can’t confirm if Akito doesn’t love/never loved/stopped loving Shigure romantically, it is not shown yet. but what is shown is that Shigure’s world orbits around Akito. He’s not affected by the curse, or traumatized, but he is so in love with her & will be damned if he won’t crush the entire sohma system so she can be his. I duno how I feel abt his dedication tho. I love how morally grey it is. i duno how much toxicity is weaven into their relationship. Akito’s perspective is needed before I could make an opinion. But I’ll say this, he’s scary when he doesn’t get what he wants & he’s scarier when he feels no guilt over stomping over others to reach his goal. if Mayu, actually “stole” hatori, then she’ll have to stomp all over a kind unsuspected friend whose fault is that she’s in the way. I’m glad Mayu isn’t didn’t steep low in the name of love.

-Shigure’s “lets date” suggestion:

I love this suggestion!!! Mayu & shigure both established that they have no romantic feelings to each other. Then why date? cuz they’re both damn lonely! he’s also bored but I believe he’s masking his loneliness as well. We all grew up believing I’ll crush on someone, get asked out, date, fall in love & that’s how things always happen. NO. Often times (for me at least), everybody around me follows the above sequence & i find myself behind, so alone that I so much yearn for a romantic hand touch. Often times You find yourself accepting blind dates, coffee invitations from ppl you have no feelings for..cuz you’re so lonely & waiting for the spark between you two that means you’ve crossed into sth that could blossom romantically. Personally, This is one of the most relatable feelings in furuba. They date..but the spark never comes. He’s cold..so cold that he might as well be not there. Kana/hatori walk outside, talk together, she only needs two finger faintly touching his sleeve to get his full attention. Mayu/shigure stay inside, each is absorbed individually, he’s in a book, she’s watching her crush. she tries for his attention, he doesn’t even raise his head from his book. Mayu got the lesson: “I won’t date someone cuz I feel lonely anymore. It’ll only make me lonelier”.

-Mayu’s wish vs Mayu’s wish:

Mayu’s wish that Kana/hatori be happy is interesting. It isn’t only cuz she wants her dear friend to be happy. She genuinely does. But Mayu’s wish has a tragic layer to it. She wants them to be happy to prove to herself that she has no chance. that even if she took shigure’s advice & tried to break them, she can’t. That no matter how she tried she can’t have him. cuz she’s not kana. No way, he’ll leave kana & choose her. So, please you two be happy, so happy & prove me right for staying away, prove me wrong for daring to wish for him. But her wish fails. Their love ends. It breaks Mayu so much, that she doesn’t care for the reason, the outcome of them breaking up is the most tragic thing. She leaves. Kana heals. Kana wishes the most heartbreaking wish of all. “I wish you end up with hatori, mayu, he suits you” oh poor Mayu’s heart. how devastating it is to hear that?! the woman who went thro a horrible nervous breakdown cuz she loves hatori so much, now wishes him to be with her best friend. The writer is ruthless. I was as tearful as Mayu in that scene.

-The Anime’s Trope of “Interfering for a friend”: (done right!)

When a precious friend/loved one is in a state of deep depression, normally family/friends try to interfere to help. often ppl are too lost to help themselves. But whoever was on that state of depression or have a loved one in that state knows that it’s nothing like the movies/dramas make it out to be. It is not “hey friend, do this & that & you’ll be happy”. It is not “hey friend, check into this hospital & be healed”. It is not “hey friend, take this punch or that kick & this slap, be healed by the magic of healing violence” NO. It is nothing at all like all these shitty climax in films & drama. It’s a process that requires time, patience & above all honesty & frankness. Hatori is going thro depression, but time has done its duty of distancing him frm the core issue (kana), next both Shigure/Ayame talked to him in SE01, lake ep, to let him know that they’re frustrated abt his situation, trying to let him see hope. Then shigure from afar creates an opportunity for hatori. if hatori chooses to grap on, its his call. No force. No violence, No cheap thrills. This is by far my fave aspect abt this ep. The logical & realistic approach to helping someone taking into consideration the reality of his depression & his character. You rally forget this is an anime!!!! I’ve never seen this before! I love to so much! The amount of respect this author has for the characters’ mental state & the logical development of such situation in real life is brilliant!! You don’t watch furuba for redundant anime tropes or drama thrills. you watch traumatized characters handled with realistic development & logical progression. Hatori wasn’t healed simply cuz he asked Mayu out. He’s walking towards healing by accepting shigure’s help. by actually seizing the opportunity his friend offered him. it is just the start for him but we saw glimpses from the future. He made it!

Side Notes:

Shigure’s “ he liked you well enough” to Mayu was a true evaluation of Hatori’s feelings at that time. Hatori was in love with Kana. He also liked Mayu cuz kana made sure to gush abt her. Shigure’s words are meant to encourage Mayu that you’re not a stranger to hatori, you can build sth with him. starts from the friends base & see how things go from that.

I like that they flat out showed us Mayu/hatori’s future together as a couple without ambiguity. she’s in her short hair signalling change. Their story isn’t tied by the plot, or anybody. It can be free. It can be happy.

I’m sorry but Mayu cutting her hair is a crime! T_T. That magnificent hair!! All the cute her do’s. It’s okay..I’ll be happy once it’s yuki’s turn to cut his Akito’s-look-alike hair. He deserve it!

I love how the writer didn’t put women against each other!! (a)Mayu didn’t sell her friendship for a man who didn’t love her. (b)kana wasn’t insecure in her relationship with hatori that she was eying her female friend all the time. (c)Kagura, before realizing her one-sided love, didn’t do anything to tohru despite seeing how much kyo is falling for her!! Kyo falling in love with tohru isn’t tohru’s fault & kagura didn’t hate her for it! (d)tohru herself, despite seeing how toxic kagura’s affection was, didn’t actively seek to break them in order to “save” kyo ! that’s not her duty. Kyo can save himself & kagura can realize her mistake. It is sth they need to do for themselves!! brilliant & unique approach in handling woman’s relationship! LOVE IT!

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 15 - Candy Page 34

==>

John finally decides to let the relevance of his story end, and enjoy that he’s made at least some of his other friends happy with his choice.  Time to read Page 34...

VRISKA: Pfft, yeah, wh8tever. I’m basically Immortal, bitch.

Preeeetty sure you’re confusing yourself with one of your parents.

Pff, actual healthy kismesis with a Tavros?  Wow, we’re getting all sorts of redemption by not-really-Vriska proxy here.

HARRY ANDERSON: he’s always getting all weepy whenever i talk to him anyway. HARRY ANDERSON: i don’t think i could have taken another round of him choking back tears while apologizing to me about “what happened with me and your mother, harry.” HARRY ANDERSON: i mean, god. he’s not even fucking DRUNK when he does this. HARRY ANDERSON: that might actually be the most embarrassing part.

.......

Okay, having grown up with a father who suffered from serious depression and would break into tears embarrassingly easily, uh.  I can relate?  But also fuck you, that’s inconsiderate.

--Dammit, new Vriska is catching wind of old Vriska.

Vriska and (Vriska) both start shrieking at a pitch John’s only ever heard one time before. It was a sound that once accompanied the end of everything. A sound once heard the night he dreamt in anime.

Oh that’s brilliant.  If the entire Candy arc ended here it’d be great, though I know it’s not quite over yet.

==>

...Oh shit, we actually get to see what happens immediately next.

Interesting introspective thoughts!  Or, trying her best NOT to be introspective and failing.

Oh my god, SHUT UP Gamzee.  Vriska, just kill him already??

PFFF HE SENT A PIC OF IT TO KARKAT :D

Pfff.  Yeah, Vriska, TRY and ignore what just happened and how it was almost entirely your idea.

(Vriska) is so furious, she has no way of pinpointing the exact moment her intent stopped being intimidating him into silence and started being guaranteeing his silence, forever.

Thank FUCKING goodness, PLEASE kill him.

YAY he’s dead! :D  (Even though he’ll probably revive anyway because bullshit.)

Heheh. NOW we get a cross-Vriska heart to heart.

==>

Alright, a bit more John moping.  Man... this Candy section is a whole lot easier to swallow AFTER Meat than I imagine it would have been before.

.....heck.  EITHER of these epilogue branches are really fucking hard to swallow the first time around without the other’s context.

Oh huh, it’s his house from the Medium then?  Relocated and stuff?

Jake, hm.  Is Jake going to try and leave his son with John like that failed kidnapping in reverse or?

Jake snaps the elastic on his pair of red underpants. It’s the only thing he’s wearing.

Oooookay then.

JAKE: She had a certain way she liked me kipped out and well, i didnt want to bring anything that belonged to her when i left. Nothing she er, might miss. TAVROS: You took me,

Jake winces.

TAVROS: And,,, you took you,

Jake’s wince deepens.

Oh, so that’s what this is!  Jake fleeing with his son from an abusive relationship.  About gosh darn time.  .....geez, how bad did it get for JAKE to finally muster the gumption to do that himself after all these years???

Jake is one whole wince now

I know THAT feeling.  Or at least feel like I do.

John you dedicate your life to keeping this child happy

JOHN: it’s just been kind of a rough forever.

:C

JAKE: Maybe you should blame me? JAKE: Maybe i need someone to blame me. For once. JOHN: ...huh? JAKE: I think im starting to realize that ive been going through life with the mindset that nothing has ever really been within my control.

YES.

This is how Vriska broke Tavros way back in the comic, by constantly denying him agency.  Jake’s been battered down the same way too, and it’s not too late to pick up the reins.  He’s already DONE that by finally leaving his genocidal wife.

There’s a bit of Page of Hope-yness to this whole disastrous Candy timeline, come to think of it?  People fulfilling others’ desires out of obligation constantly, doing what they think others want?  Roxy, Jake, Dave and Karkat... all fucked over at the aggressive whims of more active folk, rolling over when they really shouldn’t have?  Or in Roxy’s case, her CHARACTER basically SHOULD NOT HAVE IN THE SLIGHTEST?

JAKE: Havent you ever wanted to let someone make the tough choices for you?

Huh.

Or maybe he is doing exactly what Jake has always done. In a certain light, isn’t ascribing all this mess to some unconscious influence he might have had over the metaphysical shape of reality just a way to brush off his simpler failures as a man and a father?

Yes.  You can act and change this too, John.  You almost did with the kidnapping before!  Go and take down the new Batterwitch.

Hm, Hopey thing?

JAKE: John. JOHN: yeah? JAKE: Take my hand. JOHN: what? why?

Oh shit.  Are they going to be able to FIX some of this BS with some sort of hopey thing??? :D  Probably too much to hope for but still!

Being flung from Jake’s orbit of Hope and Change

Pffff.  Had to throw in an Obama didn’t you.

...Oh.  Oh wow.  Oh we get to figure out what the fuck was up with Roxy all this time.  Oh boy.

JAKE: So what if it doesnt change anything? Wont it matter to your family to see you care? JAKE: Wont it make you feel better to try?

:D

Heheh, Hope aspecty stuff.  The ability to believe that something matters even when you “know” it doesn’t.

==>

...Yeah, it’s pretty easy to relax on a dead Gamzee.

Oh cool.  These Vriskas are alike enough to bond!  New Vriska is still in her teenage unbalanced go-for-it stage, and old Vriska has been knocked down a peg by the clown incident, putting them on a close enough level to not want to instantly disown each other, unlike old Vriska and ghost Vriska.

VRISKA: The Mayor’s dead, dude.

HOW did the Mayor die?!??  Did I just FORGET that from the end of Homestuck or something??

(I mean, probably.)

Callback to the clouds in that first Jade dream John had.

(VRISKA): Or may8e the truth just makes me kind of nervous. VRISKA: What “Truth”? (VRISKA): Don’t tell him I said this, 8ut, I think John is just an extremely powerful 8eing. Even when he sucks. (VRISKA): And he certainly does appear to suck in this reality. (VRISKA): And yet, the uneasy feeling is there. (VRISKA): It’s a vague feeling I’ve had in the 8ack of my mind for a long time, 8ut it really hit me when I was talking to him earlier. (VRISKA): It’s distur8ing to think a8out that much power 8ottled up in one stupid nerd who’ll never understand it. VRISKA: What Power are you even talking a8out? VRISKA: Like, lame Wind Powers? (VRISKA): No, I mean... (VRISKA): The power to shape reality. Even without intending to.

FUCK did he really cause all this??? Even the Roxy shit?!???  D:  D:  D:

It’s being left vague but it IS sounding like John was actually RIGHT about all that stuff.  FUCK, if the “villain” who messed up Roxy is actually just John’s subconscious...  :C

Even if the epilogue ends right here, though, with John about to call Roxy, I can imagine it working out, though.  It’s on a right enough track there.

(VRISKA): I’ve spent so long caring so much a8out what other people thought of me. Mainly that they saw me as important, or making a “difference.”

Mhmm mhmm.  Light n stuff.

Yeah, realizing that importance isn’t ALL that’s “important” is really, um.  Important.  Ahem.

Hm, other Vriska, that smile had seven pairs of dots, not eight.  :?

(VRISKA): The POINT is, I was so mad at her. (VRISKA): That happy ghost version of myself, who was free of everything. (VRISKA): I was pro8a8ly mad 8ecause she got to 8e who she really was, without stressing a8out it, which is something I never felt like I was allowed to have.

Indeed.

(VRISKA): I guess I mean there’s someone specifically I fell out of touch with, who it feels like I’ll never see again.

Too bad, only ghost Vriska got her reunite with ‘Rezi.  :P

(VRISKA): On some level I knew she was right. She was happy and honest with herself. And that’s what made her... (VRISKA): A version of myself who was actually worthy of someone I cared a8out.

Yyyep.  As I said.  :)

VRISKA: You’re just talking a8out The Girl You 8linded that one time, aren’t you? (VRISKA): Ummmmmmmm.

Heheh.  Yeah, you’re not going to hide that sort of thing from your sharp near-clone.

Oh cool!  She gets to see all those messages and feel turboguilt or something.

...oh shit.  Is a message going to actually get to her?  It-- oh shit.  Didn’t Terezi have her phone buzzing in her pocket and ignored it in the end of Meat or something?  Or at SOMEONE did and I thought it conspicuous but it didn’t get addressed in that side of the story and-- FFFFuck is she eventually going to see it or??!  D:

She’s GOT to have seen it before running all the way off with villain Dirk, right?? D:

==>

Okay.  You seem to be thinking clearly, Roxy.  What’s going through your head? Give us some answers.  Don’t fuck this up too much, John.

but she knows by now that it’s not her job to make him happy. That was something she gave up on years ago. But wanting to? That feeling is still as fresh as it always was.

FUCK was this all just a placid feeling of obligation to make John happy for all he did to ensure victory or something??? D: D: D:

She’s still working through what she feels about distancing herself from Jane

Yesssss

If he’s truly about to be real with her for the first time in forever,

Gosh fucking DARNIT John, you could have fixed all this DECADES AGO if you had a real talk with her ONCE!!!!!

ROXY: the more i thought abt it the more i figured holdin on to that one thing made me lose out on some other shit ROXY: u might relate JOHN: haha, you got me there i guess.

:c

JOHN: i’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how things got to be like they are. JOHN: i guess i’ll just come out and say it. JOHN: i completed fucked up your entire life. JOHN: i’m not going to pretend like there are two sides here. it’s my bad, totally. JOHN: like, not just what happened to our marriage, though it’s also true that that’s completely my fault. JOHN: but even before that... JOHN: i think i fucked up on just this massive, fundamental level, and it’s what i did— JOHN: or, well, what i didn’t do— JOHN: that caused every stupid bullshit thing about the way this world is.

...Huh.

That may not actually be true, and Roxy might be about to prove how self-absorbedly reductive that is.

ROXY: oh nah ill stop u rite there my man

Okay YES.  If this wasn’t him, then SET HIM THE FUCK STRAIGHT.  :D

She knows more than he does, and she doesn’t need to hear it.

TELL US TELL US TELL US

YES TEAR INTO HIM he’s wanted that for so long stand up for yourself and tell us what the fuck happened and why

He’s been looking at her, really looking at her, and she doesn’t want to blink, just in case that shatters it.

Yes because he was looking for the real Roxy that would call out his BS

JOHN: i used to be so angry that you wouldn’t tell me what you really thought, before. JOHN: not like i wanted to FIGHT fight, but like. JOHN: i’m just not used to this flavor of roxy. ROXY: hm ROXY: sounds to me like u just disproved ur own hotshot theory then genius JOHN: huh? ROXY: you wished i was one way the whole time we were married ROXY: but i wasnt

YES!!! Yes his theory’s disproven!  He never WANTED Roxy to just act that way, he wasn’t the cause of this, I was hoping for that!  :D

ROXY: i was bad at standin up for myself then and im learnin to be good at it now

D:

That’s....... sad, if that’s the explanation.  But it’s better than mind control I guess.  :(

JOHN: but... JOHN: you were never like that before i... ROXY: dude ROXY: where tf do u get off trying to decide what is or isnt me being “like me” enuff ROXY: do u think ppl stay the same their whole damn lives or what

Oh wow.  Now Andrew’s slamming SLAMMING of fanfics.  He’s saying “who are you to know for SURE that they wouldn’t act that way”??  That’s pretty good.

ROXY: i like the way things turned out just fuckin fine ROXY: so maybe u could stop wastin precious eternity thinkin ur so special that its ur fault everyones not perfectly happy

:’)

Mhmm, and they’re free from the heroic design arcs or what have you.  Or... were, until Dirk tore them back in again.  Tossed aside their fucking victory with his selfish... ugh.

Mhmm, Roxy’s the perfect person to explain that not being in a canon, Light-filled timeline isn’t really a bad thing.

ROXY: i just do things the best way i think to do em and then shrug n hope it works out?

Roxy thinks about time and the spirals of choice that hang just outside her periphery, and the vertigo grows.

Good advice, and hm.  Maybe there’s some Void sight kind of playing into this as well, making it easy for her to get paralyzed by indecision and she’s had to learn to work through it.

...Ooh, that was a really cool non-binary gender diatribe in the narrative text.  That’s some nice stuff.  I felt like that was missing from the Meat side, glad we got it here at least.  :D

JOHN: there’s literally nothing to do but keep moving forward. JOHN: i may as well not be a big fucking downer about it if i don’t have to be.

Thank goodness.

YES, JOHN SHOWING HIMSELF STRAIGHT-BACKED FOR HIS SON!!! :D

Man, I wish my dad had done that instead of all the other shit he did.  At least he’s dead.  :)

(Here’s a hint in case you’re wondering why I was relieved when my Dad offed himself.)

But that’s off topic.  Let’s wrap up this epilogue already!!

==>

Page 39... only three or so pages left, right?

Pff, Karkat’s keeping them safe.

Heheh, more shitty Liberty statues.

Heheh, using them for weapons caches.

Gosh I hope they actually love each other and are mostly happy.  Jade seems happy, at least.  :(

Dammit, there go the doubts.  He wouldn’t have had those doubts with Karkat. :C

He’s standing in the Oval Office of the White House.

Oh heck yes.  Please tell me...

And over there... is something he doesn’t quite recognize. It doesn’t seem to fit in. He steps closer to investigate, wiping away at the layers of moss and dirt to reveal a surface he most certainly does recognize. It’s a transportalizer.

YES

Dave doesn’t waste any time. You don’t find something like this in the Oval Office and start agonizing over whether or not to use it. He steps on the platform, and in a blink his surroundings are completely different. The centuries of overgrowth are gone, and he appears to be in some sort of crypt, boxed in by walls of smooth, golden stone. At the far side of the room, something is hanging on the wall, encased in a sort of display. It’s a mounted god tier costume, about the size an adult male would wear. He recognizes the symbol. It’s the same one Jake used to wear when they were teens. It is the symbol for Hope.

HELL FUCKING YES

YES OBAMA

OBAMA: Hello, Mr. Strider. OBAMA: I’ve been waiting a long time for you to show up.

Dave’s jaw hangs open. The legends have been confirmed. As well as several key headcanons of his. Without thinking, he drops to one knee and bows his head.

DAVE: m... mr president DAVE: its an honor sir

Man, forget my past stomach clenching.  Forget my hesitations, my turbulent emotions, all the ups and downs the various facets of these Epilogue chapters have given me.  THIS is the best.  THIS makes it all worth it.  This is the best thing to have ever happened, and if I ever feel any regrets about ANYTHING that transpired in the Epilogues, I’ll feel infinitely better the moment I remember it gave us THIS.

The most beautiful scene I’ve ever witnessed.  All my liberal, economy-ranting hopes and dreams confirmed.  It’s glorious.

OBAMA: Come on now, Dave. We can’t be having that. OBAMA: I’m nobody’s king. I’m a democratically elected representative who took an oath to serve his country and his people. People like you, Dave. OBAMA: If anything, I should be the one bowing.

OBAMA.  I MISSED YOU OBAMA.  I CAN HEAR YOUR VOICE THROUGH YOUR TEXT AND ITS SO COMFORTING AND UPLIFTING

DAVE: mr president what i mean is im a huge fan of yours and i hope this doesnt sound fucked up but on some level i feel like ive been waiting my whole life for this moment?? OBAMA: I know, Dave.

Yes, yes you have.  Yes, we can.

OBAMA: Most people thought I was gone. But I was keeping an eye on events. OBAMA: Wouldn’t miss it for anything.

I, too, would like to have the feeling that Obama is still out there, keeping an eye on things.  Watching, smiling... providing some last background of Hope as things seem so temporarily sour.  That feeling would be amazing.

...I mean he’s still alive IRL, sure, but not Obama watermark smiling lovingly from the sky or anything like it should be.

Yes, back to reading.  Back to this glorious, definitely canon moment.  The moment we learned that Obama was with us the whole time.  :’)

DAVE: sorry if this is nosy but if you didnt die when you disappeared then how did you die OBAMA: Most of that is classified, Dave.

Pfffffff  :D

OBAMA: When I was a boy living in Hawaii, on my thirteenth birthday I was visited by a mysterious stranger. OBAMA: He was an older man with a mustache. Kind of a corny, old-fashioned, adventuring type. He tried to convince me we were related. Of course, I thought he was full of shit. OBAMA: To this day, I’m not sure about that. Maybe he was. I didn’t think much of his tall tale at the time, but what did pique my interest was his story. OBAMA: He was voyaging all over the Pacific looking for a mysterious island, which supposedly had all the answers he’d spent his whole life searching for. OBAMA: During his travels, he set up outposts all over the ocean to help with his search. Such as one near where I lived as a boy. The outpost had a laboratory, an archeological dig site, a network of underground tunnels, the works. OBAMA: One time, I snuck in there and did some exploration of my own. Somewhere in the maze of underground ruins, I found a transporter pad, just like the one that brought you here. OBAMA: It sent me to a new realm. A place they called the Medium.

Grandpa Jake of Earth A, thank you SO much for bringing us this gift.  The gift of Obama.

OBAMA: Hey, why don’t we take a walk. You’ll have a chance to collect yourself. And there’s something I’d like you to see.

:O :O :O

I am shivering with anticipation.

Ah, leave it to Obama to help Dave with the final steps of his character arc.

OBAMA: Are you sure that’s all he is, Dave?

FIX THINGS OBAMA!!!! :D :D :D

Wait, what if Obama can turn things into an actually legitimate DaveKatJade?  That would be a miracle only a god of Hope could pull off.

OBAMA: I’ve had my share of doubts about all that, just like any other man. OBAMA: And I’ve had plenty of the same kind of struggles as you, Dave. DAVE: wait DAVE: you...

Obama nods, smiles wistfully. Dave arches his eyebrows high above his shades. They stare at each other, and in the look they exchange, they seem to say all that needs to be said between two grown men on the matter.

:’)

OBAMA: Believing is the key to understanding the truth underlying the words, the truth underlying the ideas they represent, and the truth underlying who we are as individuals. OBAMA: The power of belief, the power of Hope, that’s what endows that which is intangible, ephemeral, or uncertain with a sense of reality. OBAMA: It brings focus to the insubstantial, the mirages of the mind, the multiplicity of what is possible, of what could be, and isolates it—concentrates it—to turn it into that which is. OBAMA: And the result of that, Dave, is what we call truth.

I didn’t think we’d be learning more about the Hope aspect straight from the mouth of Barack Obama.

OBAMA: He taught me about many things. Combat, philosophy, life, love... DAVE: love??? DAVE: hold on are you saying DAVE: that...

PFFFFFFFF :D :D :D

OBAMA: She’s settled happily into the specific. That’s her path now. OBAMA: All of you have embraced that life, in this safely sequestered version of planet Earth. OBAMA: All of you until now, Dave. OBAMA: This is why you’re here. OBAMA: I believe you’re ready to wake up. DAVE: ...

:O

...this is suddenly possibly going to be getting slightly sad isn’t it.  D:

--Oh shit, so THIS is where Davebot came from.

How is he going to break things off with Jade though???  D: D: D:

...Oh my GOSH he’s just going to suddenly vanish and abandon her isn’t he.  D:

...alright, merging with his other selves, et cetera...

It defers to its greatest knight, risen anew.

Yeah that’s nice but am I supposed to pretend you’re going to say goodbye to Jade offscreen or

--ah that’s why the bot didn’t have shades, gotta use the genuine Stiller ones

==>

Page 40, and the start of this sounds a lot like the Postscript.  But we’re getting more this time, thank god.

ARADIA: when i watched as everything broke apart ARADIA: and got swallowed up by the black hole ARADIA: which is where i ended up too ARADIA: that black hole... ARADIA: thats basically you right JADE: yes. ARADIA: and when you speak of your brother ARADIA: thats lord english JADE: yes. ARADIA: and hes dead JADE: not just yet.

Oh shit.  John’s final blow didn’t kill Lord English did it.  Alt!Callie is going to strike the very last killing blow herself isn’t she.

JADE: lesser beings have so much trouble perceiving divinity in the uncanny.

Divinity?  Like, Lollipop-style divinity?  I mean, I guess this IS the Candy branch...?  But what made this so “perfect” to begin with?

JADE: this world, unlike the canonical horrors from which it is hermetically insulated, will always fail to meet the combined criteria for truth, relevance, and essentiality that would endow this realm with any real gravity. JADE: its own naturally occurring supply of gravity, rather than the artificial supply i have given it. JADE: as such, what transpires here is characterized by experiential frivolity. JADE: physically, it is cordoned off by the black hole’s event horizon. it is safe. untouchable. JADE: inescapable. ARADIA: that sounds ominous

Oh.  So this outside-of-canon timeline-verse whatever that Candy takes place in is like a trap?  For Lord English to be trapped in forever, inside not just his OWN story like we thought before but into a place where he’ll be forever irrelevant, while, like... the “Prince” and others following him for pursuit or camaraderie reasons manage to escape somewhere even different?  --No wait those people are OUTSIDE this place, in the “real” timeline/universe of Earth C. So Dirk’s destination is somewhere completely different; oh, and alt!Callie is the only one with the power to escape the black hole, to bring Davebot and Aradia with her back to quote-unquote “canon” or the closest thing to it to bring bastard Dirkbro down.

Or... something.

JADE: one could describe it as a phantasmal projection confined within my horizon. JADE: it was created by a choice that made it possible for that horizon to expand infinitely, to consume infinitely. JADE: and since that choice could not coexist with canon events, this place manifested to here to support its consequences. JADE: if this world were capable of anything either essential, relevant, or true in some stable combination, then it would perpetuate a corrosive paradox. JADE: as such, insulation from what is out there, and the inescapable well it rests in, is what protects all it holds inside. JADE: and since i am the embodiment of the black hole in which it rests, JADE: i am the one protecting this world.

Oh huh.  So when we saw alt!Callie creating the black hole out of the Sun, she was actually using John’s “choice” and his timeline split to engineer the paradox that drove that singularity’s expansion?  And so she’s going to be the lord and safeguard of all that is Non-Canon, and also seek to guide the heroes trying to save what IS Canon?

Hm!

JADE: physical destruction is one thing. JADE: obliteration of the entire canvas for all of reality over a given cosmic span is another. JADE: and yet there are even more insidious forms of destruction and subversion of life to consider. JADE: methods that are difficult to grasp for those on your plane.

Yep, destroying Heart.  Destroying Soul.  Destroying the uniqueness that drives individual agency and choices, and suborning people completely to your will and ideals without their consent or choice.

Hmm....

JADE: but longer stories have the power to draw consciousness into them. they possess arresting and hypnotic qualities which can be used by their tellers to alter the awareness of the listener.

Yep, like a biased narrator with their claws on the > prompt for characters.

JADE: i brought to your attention that the story you were listening to had a speaker with a specific identity. JADE: and where there is an identity, there can also be an agenda.

Yep yep.  And by commandeering the story to his own agenda, Dirk’s been robbing everyone of a fundamental right to their own existences.

JADE: this is the sort of corruption i now must dedicate my existence in this new body to ending once and for all.

Heck Yes; returning the narrative to as objective a speakerless-ness as can be attained or simulated, and divesting the bias from agenda’d narrators that can wrest all control from the participants in a story, enslaving them and making them the author’s puppets instead of true to themselves as characters, people, etc.

--Oh my GOSH, was Dead!Jade eating the remains of Lord English at the end of that Postscript???  She was, wasn’t she?  :D :D :D

That’s pretty fucking awesome.  And a pretty fucking fair fate for him to get cannibalized by his sister.

JADE: consume his body. JADE: absorb his essence. JADE: and then using this host, i will generate enough power to move beyond the staggering pull of the event horizon encasing this world. JADE: a prison of my own making, which can be escaped only through the supreme unification with my other half. JADE: it is crucial to the cosmos that i succeed. JADE: the prince of heart has to be stopped.

:D :D :D :D :D

Pretty awesome!  A decent setup to a story that probably shouldn’t be told, the implied sequel that Meat invites up or whatever.  And... oh phew.

Oh PHEW.

OH FUCKING PHEW. HOLD ON.

So.  The very last line of the epilogue, the last bit:

The hole leaves behind an absence in the sky so calm that continuing to call it a sky wouldn’t seem to do it justice. It’s a perfectly neutral expanse into which anything one can imagine might be summoned. And for a while, anything was. But not anymore. Where the hole gaped just moments ago, there now exists an imaginary line.

Above this line resides all that matters. Below exists all else. Never again the twain shall meet.

Okay!  :D :D :D

So, when I read that last line, I was INCREDIBLY disheartened.  I thought that Andrew was declaring that canon would never interfere with anything again, that this was the FINAL WORD on Homestuck and everything to do with it as far as canon was concerned, and that Dirk’s crimes and such would forever go unresolved and left to the imagination.

But that’s not what the line meant.

What’s INSIDE the singularity, and thus “under” the imaginary line, is everything non-canon, all the possibility and fanfiction and dead ghosts and such who are trapped in this safeguarded realm alt!Callie created to protect them, away from the influence of any future plot danger beyond the mundane issues they create for themselves.

And what’s OUTSIDE the singularity, above the line, is canon.  A canon which actually continues, and which this line doesn’t necessarily cut short.

I don’t know if Andrew will ever continue this nonsense, maybe to show me a Rose who’s actually happy as a robot or something?  But... er, that’s not the point.  The point is that even though the story “isn’t over”, it’s left so it CAN continue, so that the final state of these ISN’T a permanent cliffhanger to be left forever unfulfilled intentionally.  I’ll still be traumatized by the state some of these characters are left in, until Andrew maybe possibly chooses to resolve some of this nonsense with later content, which he probably won’t.  Heck, this actually might be easier for him to create a new work with, given how much baggage has been left behind on old Earth and in the singularity, so all you have is a much relatively smaller cast of characters on a chase to wherever Dirk is planning to go?  But, like.  When I read that Postscript, I stopped believing anyone I saw suggesting we’d get anything after this.  Any sort of work of... you know... continuing, er, Homestuckiness from Andrew, no matter what it was.  But even just... leaving it open even if he isn’t going to DO anything about it, and having that final line NOT be an aggressive cutoff?  Is just nice.  Nicer, anyway.

And this singularity is kept safe for us to enjoy ALL of the old stuff, the multitude of possibility that the in-singularity version of Roxy glimpses out of the side of her eye.  That--

Oh my Gosh.  THAT’S also what the final line means.

Above this line resides all that matters. Below exists all else. Never again the twain shall meet.

Homestuck fanfiction is now COMPLETELY FREE FROM CANON.

Within this singularity, nothing has to stay true to absolutely every underpinning of the earlier comic.  Nothing has to make sense.  Nothing has to be narratively consistent with anything else, though it’s obviously more enjoyable if it is.  Truth, essentiality, and relevance may all be FLEXED as much as any individual fanfic writer needs to!  And... and earlier, before this epilogue.  When we would get Snapchat stuff of the story on Earth C.  And even before that when all we had was the ending flash.  There was still a FEAR on many parts that there was more to canon that Andrew wasn’t telling us, that whatever was in our imaginations about what may have happened was “wrong”, that any fanfic you wrote was liable to be disproven formally.  But that’s not the case anymore.  Because with that line, with alt!Callie sealing off this realm and taking just a last few soon-to-be canon-impactors out of one of its timelines, Andrew has left ALL of the earlier trappings of Homestuck, of Earth, of all these characters and ghosts and fragmented possibilities, permanently free from canon influence from the rest of time.  Meaning no Homestuck fanfic that takes place in this singularity-granted realm may EVER be busted by Andrew’s future work.  He’s done what he first aspired to do when he declared all fantrolls in existence canon.  He’s finally “killed the author”.  He’s made the very FACT of an author an enemy, to be pursued in its own canon story outside of all this.  He’s set EVERYTHING free.

Wow.  So that’s what all the point of all this was, huh?  :D

Let me read the last few pages of Candy anyway.  Where was I again?

Oh, about to click the last page.  ==>

Oh my GOD.  This Postscript is about the end of MEAT, where the Meat Postscript showed us the end of CANDY!!!  :D

Let’s hear where this shit is all going!  I’ve been wondering what realm Dirk is actually heading towards to try and start fucking up.  Reading...

...Oh, okay.  I thought I glimpsed someone mentioning something about Rose “doing Dirk’s laundry”, and I thought I just missed some narrative comment on laundry made when Dirk took Rose out of the apartment on that final trip out to Jake’s for a spaceship?  But I guess this was the scene they were talking about.  Fuck you, Dirk.

One of her more reckless shipmates chipped a tooth trying one, despite repeated warnings to stay away from the stuff.

So Terezi IS there?  And probably received that final message from Vriska to think about.

It’s a stray ruby slipper. The other is about ten feet away, down the hall. No sign of their owner anywhere.

Yep, that’s definitely Terezi.

...Oh cool, Rose’s body isn’t quite dead?  She could be returned to it or a souped-up version of it if she’s ever brought to her senses outside Dirk’s corrosive influence.

A new planet is within sensor range. She studies the millions of statistics all pouring in at once.

They’re heading for a planet?  Somewhere else in Universe C?

It’s an M-Class planet. The right size, right age, right distance from the sun. There’s no advanced life yet. It’s exactly what they’ve been looking for all these years.

Shit, a NEW planet?  For all this shit to go down on?  Maybe I don’t need to see what happens next, that sounds potentially a little boring.  The future adventure this story entails COULD just be implied and never followed up on.

Once the new race has established

What race??? Human, hybrid?? It’s not TROLL, y’all would have brought Aradia if that was the case, right?  Or is this why there are tons of trolls in Universe C that Caliborn and Calliope’s parent trolls got to incinerate ages later, seeded across planets by these assholes?

The ones who get the chance to play what will arguably be the most important session in the history of Sburb?

Ahhh.  Okay.  So this may INDEED be something interesting, something worth seeing.  A new session, one where Dirk is the villain, Rosebot is enthralled, and old heroes are on their way to help see him thwarted.  Along with the mystery participants of a session we’ve yet to see.

Enough time goes by that she begins to wonder if he’s asleep. But no. It’s just the irritated silence of a man who knows he isn’t currently dressed well enough to attend to something important.

DIRK: Are my fucking pantaloons ready yet?

Yeah, fuck you and your anime pantaloons straight in the Yaois, Dirk Smartass.

Okay!

So that’s the end of the epilogue.  BOTH epilogues.  And... I like it.

I don’t know why.  I mean it was all excellent before, and my stomach’s still a BIT clenchy, but I like it now.  I misinterpreted things from the Meat ending, and now everything... everything makes a little more sense.  Some things seem resolved, others earned...

And... in a way I feel like I could actually oddly accept, even if there’s never anything that touches on this ever again...

It doesn’t seem “over”.  :)

[sammyspreadyourwings]

Ok i know this isnt a typical prompt but yknow how mystique has her ‘true form’ where shes blue? Would john have that as sort of a base slate but its still very much his true, given at birth, physical features? Could you maybe write a lil something abt the other boys seeing this form for the first time? (Also could u maybe make it poly queen 👀👀) ur such an angel and i love your super power au just as much as the others so i figured i should give it a little love :)

hshsh, ngl I was looking forward to using my obscure chameleon knowledge (didn’t come up in the prompt), and thank you! This one is fun!

To preface: John resembles Emma Frost in her diamond form as his “true form” or rather not shapeshifted form. 

Hey, I had to combine the telepathy/shapeshift thing somehow.

DEAKY IS A DISCO BALL HOLY FUCK

 John is aware that his “natural” look isn’t exactly aesthetically pleasing to most people, that’s why he doesn’t walk around in it most of the time. It’s pretty in its own undefinable way, as his mother puts it once (well she never said that but she didn’t have too considering she thought it). Which is why he takes extra care around his bandmates. They’re something special and he doesn’t want to ruin that because they get awkward about it.

It, of course, gets worse when they get together. The gradual thing that it was. Brian and Roger fell together naturally, and then he got caught in their orbit and finally, Freddie joined them. He’s not keeping it a secret if they never ask about it, right? 

They know he’s a shapeshifter, they enjoy it a lot more once he showed them that he’s not limited to the same sexual organs he was born with. So he’s almost 90% sure that they won’t care. It’s the 10% he isn’t sure about it. He could just read their minds, but that’s unethical and he refuses to do so.

As all good things go, it comes to an end. He gets hit with a nasty case of the flu. The boys leave him alone in the hotel for the day. Brian is more prone to sickness now (why he doesn’t change that John will never know), and they’d rather not have two members out for the count. But the flu drains him and he just have the mental energy to keep up his typical look.

He feels Roger’s mental presence seconds before the door opens. Freddie and Brian are also nearby.

“You take a few biology classes and they think you’re a doctor,” Roger says. 

John snorts.

Roger wanders into the main room, “how you feeling, Deaks?”

It feels mostly curious and not accusatory. John sits up.

“Uh, should I be concerned, you look like that?” Roger asks.

John feels no hostility, “it’s what I naturally look like I suppose.”

His throat feels like glass is cutting it.

“Right, I’m going to get you water and talk Brian into lowering the chances of all of us getting sick.”

Several minutes later his throat is soothed and both Freddie and Brian are in the room. He feels their love, and there are no underlying negative feelings beyond Brian’s depression and Freddie’s anxiety.

“You’re beautiful,” Fred says once they’re curled up around each other, “why don’t you stay in this form more.”

“People are weirded out by it,” John shrugs. Besides, he rather likes the look he’s made for himself.

“People are dumb,” Brian slurs sleepily, nuzzling into Roger’s stomach.

John is briefly blinded by the wash of affection from Roger and Freddie (himself as well if he’s being honest). A sleepy Brian is a treasure, even if he’s an odd blend of sweet and rude.

“He’s right darling, people are dumb,” Freddie nods, “we think it’s beautiful, and we should be the only one’s opinions who matter.”

Roger tilts his head in agreement, “not every day you find out one of your partners is a literal diamond in the rough.”

John has to try very hard to not smack Roger. He only manages because he knows he’d wake up Brian who’s happily snoring away. While he’s grateful to know they don’t care about his “natural” form, he does tend to stick to the one he’s most comfortable, but he’s more willing to let it slip if he’s too exhausted to keep it up.

[words-writ-in-starlight]

do the headcanons abt team sweet flips! (cary, killian, & noelle)

Oh my god buckle up for the fucking Carey/Killian hour, I love them so much.  Like, Noelle too (No3113?) but oh my god guys FANTASY SPY GIRLFRIENDS.

Send me a character and I’ll give you 10 headcanons!

Killian is the buffest thing anyone has ever seen.  We all know this in our heart of hearts.  Magnus is proud of his guns and all, but one time Killian took a dare to do pushups with all three of the boys on her back–this required some Boy Stacking, with Magnus cross-legged on her back and Merle in his lap and Taako on his shoulders, but they worked it out–and like it was some effort, but she did a couple dozen pushups with almost two bodyweights worth of Boy on her back and Carey had a heart attack.

By orc standards Killian is also the most fucking smoking hot thing in a hundred-mile radius.  She’s buff as fuck and a talented fighter and she has really broad shoulders and a bunch of scars and she’s just absolutely crushing it.  Carey likes to joke that Killian is her arm candy.  Killian, who is also a soppy motherfucker (this is part of the reason Carey takes to Magnus so fast, Carey is weak to soppy motherfuckers), thinks that being Carey’s arm candy sounds like the dream life.  Like, as long as she can keep her crossbow.  

Carey likes to ride on shoulders.  She’s not short the way dwarves or halflings are, but she’s very slight and weighs about a pound and a half, even with dense draconic bones.  Killian could probably shotput her girlfriend into orbit.  Instead she lets Carey ride around on her shoulders.  Sometimes she’ll ride on Magnus’ shoulders, too.  Alternatively, sometimes Angus, riding on Magnus’ shoulders, passes Carey, riding on Killian, and they high five.

When Noelle decides to go check up on her family, Killian and Carey go with her.  She’s their friend and like…sure, she’s an immortal gun-totin’ robot, but they’re in the market for something to fill their free time and they’re kind of bored and they did the honeymoon bit already and, listen, they’re worried about her, okay, they are, don’t judge them.  Even immortal gun-totin’ robots have feelings.

Killian and Carey were actually recruited together.  They fell in together after a misunderstanding got them both arrested a couple years before the Bureau picked them up, and their skills were so complementary that they just kept circling back to each other every few months.  They’d circled back again when the Bureau recruited them, and thus they became Regulators as a matched set.

Magnus makes Killian and Carey flower crowns for their wedding, that fucking weenie, and Carey has him stand up as her best man because this is one of the three days that she’s sinking to the level of her favorite people re: being a motherfucking sap.  The others were the day of Magnus’ graduation and the day she proposed to Killian.

Killian pined over Carey for much longer than Carey was aware of.  Like.  Maybe a whole year before Carey got with it and caught up, even before they were part of the Bureau.  At first Carey was a sometimes figure in Killian’s life and Killian figured she’d get over it.  By the time it became shockingly evident to Killian that she wasn’t getting over it any time soon, she and Carey were working together as Regulators and what if admitting how she felt made it weird?  Carey was her best friend, Killian didn’t know what she’d do if she made it weird, and Killian’s mom always told her that having a stupid heart ran in the family, falling hard and fast for someone who was trouble.  So Killian was just.  Gonna deal with it.

Carey, on the other hand, was watching Killian train, shooting crossbow bolts the size of Carey’s forearm at a target, and grinning fondly when Killian shouted her score to Avi, and between one blink and another Carey thought to herself wow she’s so hot wow she’s so great I wonder if she’d make out with me.  And Carey rolled the fuck up after training and netted herself a damn date, because, as Carey tells every living being who will listen, Rogues Get Shit Done.

Carey doesn’t have hair on account of being a lizard person but Killian does, long lush black hair that goes almost blue in the right lights, and sometimes Killian sits on the floor and Carey sits on their bed and braids Killian’s hair into a crown.  Normally Killian doesn’t put much time into her hair, just ties it back so it doesn’t get in the way during a fight, but she loves the feeling of Carey’s claws delicately piecing out little bits of hair to wind them together.  Carey’s a little bit of a hoarder of shiny objects, as thieves and dragons both tend to be, so when they go somewhere fancy she puts rubies and diamonds in Killian’s hair.

The Director is actually around the first time Killian and Carey try the fastball special thing and she has a moment of I really do not have time to find a new goddamn Regulator as Killian pitches Carey overhand at Mach Fuck toward the far wall.  Carey catches a rope and manages to avoid going splat, of course, and Killian, with Carey on her shoulders, takes a lap around the Icosagon screaming in victory while Lucretia tries to lower her fucking heartrate.

[eversall]

Ok I was just thinking abt, how does Elaine react to Jace? Does she know who he is pre-romantic relationship? Is he "the one with the tattoos"? Has Simon already come out to her when he brings Jace up? Does she insist on having a family meal when he formally meets them as Simon's boyfriend? I'm just word vomiting on you and smiling like a fool on the bus but gah I needed to get it out to someone ik who'll appreciate it

WOW I’M SPEECHLESS YOU’RE RIGHT IT’S JUST SO???? LIKE YOU KNOW ELAINE IS #1 MOM AT ALL TIMES AND IS SO SUPPORTIVE - 

like, she definitely begins to notice that simon is into guys when he’s in high school and they go to temple one day and simon flushes when dear old harriet’s son compliments simon

so she’s like hmmm and she keeps an eye on him and she almost forgets about it because he’s so in love with clary, and she’s a little torn because clary’s a lovely girl but she doesn’t want her son to get hurt and clary, she knows, has a habit of unwittingly pulling everything around her into her orbit

and then, you know, strange things start happening to her son and she spends a long period of time thinking, hysterically, that he’s dead, or off getting addicted to drugs, or just - so many awful things, and she wonders often if it’s her fault, if her picking up that bottle when ethan died set off a chain of karma so bad it’s destroyed her children - but no, she has to remember that rebecca and simon are their own people and that they’re family, no matter what, and oh god she hopes simon is okay she hopes her baby is safe - 

simon starts reappearing, slowly but surely. he looks intensely uncomfortable, and every time he comes over for dinner he has a friend with him, that band manager raphael, or his ex-girlfriend maia, or that lovely girl isabelle, or clary, or a friendly boy named bat that appreciates her tamales more than simon seems to at this point - simon’s not eating again, which is worrying, but he looks healthy, if a little pale, and he still hugs her and holds her tight and say i love you, mom, so she perseveres in pretending nothing’s wrong until he wants to tell her - 

and she begins to piece it together after a while, because she hears that jocelyn is dead and she sees tattoos flicker across clary’s body sometimes, and the scars that peek out across maia’s neck are far from natural. and there’s a faint echo of a memory in the back of her head of simon with sharp, sharp fangs. she understands something’s happening, remembers ethan once tell her that he’d known someone, long ago, who under the full moon - but it doesn’t matter now. she begins to understand that she’s better off not knowing, so she turns her head when simon slips a flask of a thick red substance out from under his coat, and starts to harp on the benefits of animal blood and blood banks when simon’s around. 

in the middle of all this, she peers out the window by the front door one night to see her son arguing with…thin air?

she watches for a few more seconds, bemused, until the air shimmers and seemingly out of nowhere a handsome young man with blonde hair and a ridiculous amount of tattoos decorating his arms flickers into existence, looking extremely put out, but still acquiescing when simon grabs his wrist and makes his way to the front door. 

she opens it, and simon determinedly introduces her to jace, who shakes her hand and very politely calls her ms. lewis. he hovers a little behind simon, who rolls his eyes and pushes him into a chair, and elaine hides her smile behind a stack of plates as simon hisses “act natural, herondale” and jace whispers back, furiously, “easy for you to say, lewis”

she isn’t completely sure of their dynamic, but it’s clear that the two of them are intesely familiar with one another, moving easily in each other’s space. simon serves jace almost unthinkingly, and jace absently takes simon’s garlic bread and starts eating it. rebecca, bless her soul, wiggles her eyebrows at elaine - are the two of them, maybe, you know? - and elaine pointedly looks at rebecca’s plate - mind your own business, dear - and rebecca grins, turning back to her own dinner. 

during dessert, elaine absently asks “and what do your parents do, jace?”, and jace replies that he’s isabelle’s sister. “you two look very different,” elaine says, “you must take after the other parent.” 

jace stiffens unexpectedly, and elaine opens her mouth to immediately backtrack, because she can recognize that discomfort anywhere, but she’s momentarily shocked into silence when she sees simon’s arm move slightly under the table, his biceps briefly flexing. 

elaine was young and in love once too, and she remembers a dinner conversation like this a long time ago, with ethan’s parents sitting across from her and asking her and what happened to your little brother, dear? and the immediate choking sensation she’d felt as visions of smashed windshields and her brother’s limp body flooded her mind. in the midst of all that, as she’d sat, frozen and petrified, ethan’s hand had found her thigh under the table and squeezed lightly, comfortingly. nothing big, no declaration, no sudden hero; just a little reminder, i’m here and you’re not alone, you are hurting and i know you are not alone. she remembers what it had looked like out of the corner of her eye, what it looks like now as simon angles his body towards jace and gazes at him with a warmth and support that’s so very ethan that elaine finds herself momentarily blinking back tears, stuck in the past and the present. 

“it’s okay,” jace says, his voice marginally smaller but a falsely bright smile plastered to his face, “i’m adopted.” 

“well, the lightwoods have a set of very attractive children, then.” elaine says without missing a beat, and jace laughs and rebecca laughs and simon flushes red and groans “mom” and it’s all fine, but elaine is still looking and she sees the way jace nudges simon as simon buries his face in his hands in embarassment, sees the look of fondness and amusement that jace gives her son, and she thinks he did it, ethan, he found himself his forever. 

because she knows simon, she knows people, she knows love like no one else knows it because ethan was the kindest person to walk this earth and he taught her how to find it in everything and everyone before the earth took him back, so she waves simon and jace goodbye and knows in her heart that one day jace is going to be in her living room, asking to marry simon. 

and sure enough, when weeks later simon swallows hard on her front porch and says, slowly, quietly, “mom, jace and i - he’s my boyfriend, now, i think - “ and jace presses a quick kiss to simon’s cheek, the tips of his own ears burning as he murmurs, “we’re dating, lewis, you don’t have to say i think, you idiot - “, she blinks back tears as she remembers the way ethan’s lips felt skimming along her cheeks, and she sweeps them both into a hug. 

“i’m happy for you,” she says, ruffling simon’s hair, and he ducks his head and looks pleased, and jace says - polite as ever, what a charming young man - thank you, and she looks at the stars briefly. 

our son likes boys, too she thinks to ethan, confident that wherever he is he’s got an eye on her, and if you were here, you’d be so happy that he was happy. 

but you’re not, she thinks bitterly, smiling sadly, so i’m going to be happy enough for the both of us. 

she turns and makes her way inside, and she swears she can feel the ghost of a kiss pressed to her cheek. 

[catsbythegreat]

A Soukoku Fic Rec List From the Authors Themselves!

Hey everyone! This is gonna be a long rec list, so buckle up! My Soukoku Server alongside Chuuya’s Harem have had an event this past week asking Soukoku writers to rec the fics they’re most proud of writing for skk. It can be hard to get recognition in a big fandom, and sometimes as a fic writer it’s hard to feel proud of your work, so we wanted to spread some positivity and visibility while having fic authors be proud of all the hard work they’ve done! 

The submissions we’ve gotten over the past week are amazing! They range from tragedy to angst to fluff to crack and there’s something for everyone. You might know a few of these fics, and a few of them might be new to you, but they all demonstrate our love for soukoku! Here are the fics, with comments from the authors themselves: 

sonderesque

This- http://archiveofourown.org/works/10002131 is an abstract piece that is pretty much just poetry and I actually kinda like it and it'd be amazing if it got checked out, although it is one of my older ones (angst ofc)

And this one- http://archiveofourown.org/works/9912410/chapters/22212713 I'm fond of, because it's Hanahaki and even if it was a gift, I enjoyed writing it a lot, and it was really, really fun to write

Oh my- here's one of the most stupid things I have ever written- https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wkiRRumJYd_67P1XuOXLZn7b6ANSDdTLvx6QLZiZw0M/edit?usp=sharing Dedicated to @Rose and it's a piece of crack and ridiculousness.

@kageyamas-mom

This is a piece I wrote when a certain someone wanted to do a fic trade (I wrote angst for her, she wrote fluff for me) - it's an introspective thing from Chuuya's POV. I enjoyed writing it! http://archiveofourown.org/works/8578450

crimson-snowdrift

These fics have been submitted for SKK Week, Days 1, 2, and 6 respectively. All of these are fluff Soukoku fics and I consider them as my best works so far (in my 1 month of going back to writing lol) and I hope you'll enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them!

Wish - http://archiveofourown.org/works/11304546 (Chuuya reminisces that time eight years ago, when he first attended a festival with Dazai.)

Hanami - http://archiveofourown.org/works/11314278 (Dazai appreciates some of the many things he loves about Chuuya.)

Musings - http://archiveofourown.org/works/11362332 (Dazai's thoughts on Chuuya, inspired with quotes from his real life counterpart. Has a chapter 2 ready, this time from Chuuya's POV)

@kiimone

henlo henlo these are my three favorite skk fics and they might be a little (very) shitty but they're the best ones i got!! i hope you enjoy~

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11171838 this one is a recent one and a greek mythology au abt dazai being a merchant and chuuya being a sea nymph! they fall slowly in love and care abt each other a lot (pain level: 2/10)

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10841241 this is a fic that im most proud of!! it was a commission fic about chuuya having scars from using corruption for too long and hating his own image but dazai helping him get through it by showing him his own scars (pain level: 100000/10)

http://archiveofourown.org/works/9848708 this was VERY long ago but it was a fic for rose on valentine's day abt a fantasy au! chuuya is a white mage and dazai is a wyvern-riding cavalier who always gets himself in trouble!! they fight demons and monsters together while on a quest to find an abandoned city (pain level: 3/10)

Daanny

these are both old ish

http://archiveofourown.org/works/7919491 - chuuya and dazai make an agreement, it's pretty straightforward lol - the description in the first bit of story was rlly pretty and i spent a lot of time trying to create the flow

http://archiveofourown.org/works/8249605 - soulmate AU and hanahaki AU - used a number of symbolisms thru story also flower language is pretty yeah

@fraink5

I'm going to casually leave my fics here: 

http://archiveofourown.org/works/9942896 “Bah Humbug”- Christmas by Himself this Year - Summary:  Dazai thought he would be spending Christmas alone until he ran into Chuuya, who he supposes is better company than no one. pls I know it's a Christmas fic, but it's my first Soukoku fic, and I'm proud.

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11308074 Trust Fall - Summary: '“Don’t worry; you can trust me.” Dazai assured Chuuya, who was at this point already falling. Chuuya tumbled forcefully into Dazai’s extended arms. He squirmed briefly but quickly gave up upon realizing that he could not escape. Chuuya and Dazai had their own trust fall, which worked most of the time.

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11336511/chapters/25372383 Conqueror - Summary: After the death of his father, Chuuya inherits the role of the shogun, the most powerful man in Feudal Japan. On the other hand, Dazai is the emperor, a position which holds little to nothing besides money. In their various encounters, Dazai has his heart set on one thing: control of the shogunate. Historical AU. Also my first multi-chapter fic.(edited)

@maiea-maiea

Okay so....... 

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10829463/chapters/24033585 - This is probably my most popular fic, "Leather" it's nicknamed The Ass Fic, becuase it's basically all about how much Dazai loves Chuya's perfectly shaped, firm and pert ass. It's a wip at 11chapters so far. However, I treat this like a sitcom fic, each chapter is like an episode of a comedy show.

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10742775/chapters/23813706 - This is "The Seasons" and my first multichapter fic I had ever written. Most people who follow and read my humour fics would probably find this a bit weird because this is legitimately a 5 chapter romance fic sorta slow burn skk. It's based on an ADA tempered Dazai coming back and taking the helm of the Port Mafia, (sorta mentioning he's reforming it), with the focus on him realizing he's maybe in love with Chuya. And I aged them up here so it's my take on how older and more mature skk can get together and actually make a healthy relationship.

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11009571 - "The Redhead Gets The Upperhand" - I was conflicted on which fic to choose for my third. I have 3 fave oneshots, and I know some of the others are funnier (I have been so told, haha), but I feel like I really got the pacing of my humour writing the best in here. It's basically Chuya playing Dazai and Dazai knowingly and willingly playing along. I had fun with the idea that Chuya sends Dazai increasingly risque selfies while Dazai is at work during the day. XD

𝓐𝓼𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓑𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓴𝔀𝓸𝓸𝓭 (Asher Blackwood)

This is Gospel

  http://archiveofourown.org/works/9386330/chapters/21248921 - Description; Okay so I have several fics, all of which are pretty fortunately well-regarded (thanks!), but this one is my first and is by a mile my favorite. Inline with canon and captures the way that I think modern SKK works, with both of them kind of orbiting around each other due to being so closely attached as children but without necessarily being very affectionate. Also, Chuuya gets the upper hand and does not die.

@ch-ch-ch-chuuya ( @hybridempresswriting ) 

“You Won’t Lose Me (So Don’t Leave Me Behind)” http://archiveofourown.org/works/9352388 I don’t actually expect anyone to read this all this week because it is a multi-chap fic but it is the one that I am the most proud of. It’s the first multi-chap fic that I’ve ever successfully completed, the word count makes it about as long as the third Harry Potter book, and it was written for my friend Lady based on our soukoku rp where Dazai convinces Chuuya to join the ADA. It’s my proudest work, I love it more than anything. 

“Fair Enough” http://archiveofourown.org/works/9054943 My longest oneshot ever and something I am particularly proud of because tealillie recced it which absolutely made my day. It’s a flowershop AU with a twist--Dazai is still a detective and Chuuya is an ex-convict, and Chuuya gets it bad for this detective; so bad he develops the hanahaki disease.

“Absolutely Ridiculous” http://archiveofourown.org/works/9607931 a bit short and fluffy about how Chuuya and Dazai like to take baths together. This is what really got me into wanting to write more fluff about these two and I just think it’s really funny? I’m very proud of it.

@leio13

Yo! Here are my fics! (I had four actually, but oh well, one of them is barely soukoku anyway): 

Snow Day(http://archiveofourown.org/works/8838169): Chuuya notices a mysterious brunette collapse in the snow. "the stranger collapsed. He fell face-first into the two-feet snow blanket. Amused, Chuuya watched for a minute, waiting for the strange brunette to push himself out of the snow, but he didn’t, and snow began to lightly accumulate onto the back of his thin brown jacket. Oh shit…"

Still Alive(http://archiveofourown.org/works/11260242): It's Dazai's birthday, and Chuuya finally decides to give him what he wants. "Chuuya inhaled slowly, his breath trembling between his lips, and reentered the apartment. He strolled into the bedroom, sweat dripping down his forehead. 'Okay, Dazai. I’m ready.' "'Okay, Chuuya.' Dazai lay still on the white sheets with a small angelic smile gracing his face. He had even changed into a suit for the occasion. It all hurt Chuuya so much."

The Secret Garden (http://archiveofourown.org/works/11070258/chapters/24687762): Dazai, the son of a rich lord, stumbles upon a servant in the courtyard, but the servant isn't supposed to be there. What will happen next? (a multi-chapter fic in the works) "Amongst the array of wild flowers, blooming festively in a multitude of colors, Dazai spotted the most novel specimen leaning flush against the large, vine coiled trunk of one of the several trees that shaded the area. Dazai crept closer. The creature, which he soon reasoned was one of the younger servants, had bright, unkempt hair that fell to his shoulders in messy curls. The boy had the palest skin Dazai had ever seen, almost as pale as the sanguinaria planted nearby, and was currently asleep. Small splotches of sunlight waltzed across his innocent face through the leaves. It was a sight Dazai wouldn’t dare disturb if his curiosity and longing for novelty had been any less overwhelming."(edited)

@unfortunatesylveon

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11390715 Hey everyone, this is my first and only fic I've written. I'm genuinely proud of it ^^

@kevindxy

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11363979  this is the skk fic that i'm happiest with because it's apocalyptic themed and i think i captured the mood of it better than i usually do in my writing ^^

@catsbythegreat

"the beautiful various dreams" http://archiveofourown.org/works/11249238 is a coma au that I thought about for a while and I really like how it turned out because I was scared for a while of trying to write dreams and reality mixing together. 

"Mistake" http://archiveofourown.org/works/10609371 I really enjoyed writing this idea that working in the Mafia has effects and dealing with the effects in a place where you can't show weakness is incredibly hard. This one also had a weird format that I had to plan a lot, and I was happy to pull it together. 

"Once More" http://archiveofourown.org/works/8897146/chapters/20391742 I don't expect people to read this because it's long af but it's basically my love letter to SKK and exploring their relationship and it's also one of the few longfics that I've actually seen through to a conclusion. So I'm proud that I finished it. It wasn't meant to be a longfic.

Kelly 

"And I Will Chase You Forever, If That's What It Takes" http://archiveofourown.org/works/11354586 This is my favourite fic I did for skk week.  I put a lot into it.  It's pretty Chuuya centric with lots of young soukoku and it looks at how Chuuya deals with the imbalance between him and Dazai.  (Also I'm a sucker for happy endings, even when they're mine)

"Winter Wonderland" http://archiveofourown.org/works/9102799 This is the purest fluff I have ever managed to write.  Nobody suffers at all, which in and of itself is an accomplishment.  Plus I had a great time writing it!

"Needs" http://archiveofourown.org/works/8541640 I like the different interactions in this one.  Lots of Chuuya hurting and Dazai comforting.  It highlights a softer side to Dazai and shows how aspects of their dynamic developed.

 @cyuya-nakahara

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10768806 You're Insufferable (We're Inseparable) this one is really important to me because it's a detailed look at the growth of their relationship, and is intended to cover everything. it's an intrinsic look at both sides.

 http://archiveofourown.org/works/10657617 A Typical Tuesday Night This one is a oneshot, set in the same verse as yiwi. I'm really proud of how it came out, the feelings I wanted to convey are, I feel, very well represented.

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10817004 A Different Sort Of Dance I really like the interactions I write in this one. it's on going and on pause, but I think what's there is worth a read. I like my writing and description in this one.

[aarafox]

hey hey tell me abt ur softest boys

mY SOFTEST BOYS!!! Thanks for asking Itsy ♥️♥️

I have a few soft boys, but the Softest is by far Brenden 👌🏻 in my head I always compare him to a fluffy bear; he has the magical power of Sounds which gives him not only the ability to destroy ears but also make wonderful music! His best subject is music as well, and he single-handedly created the entire big performance that their training group performs at the Rainy Feast. He has a crush on Emilaya, which is of course a problem because she at some point falls in love with Robin 😭 after that, he falls in love with the softest girl of the group so that’s a good match! He has an ending which makes you say “he did not deserve this” I am so sorry Brenden 😞

Then the second soft boy is Yoni!! He is what we call Pure™. He has the magical power of Barriers which already makes him Good! He’s extremely friendly and everyone likes him?? He’s also BEAUTIFUL AF but he doesn’t realise it (which makes people like him even more). He’s Robin’s best friend and also one of Emilaya’s best friends 👌🏻 somewhere close to the beginning of the story, he gets together with the third soft boy, Stanlo! It was great because Yoni did already like him from the start but fell in love when he noticed that Stanlo was flirting with him. Bc he is so pretty and good, everyone is always a bit shy to show their interest in him but Stanlo did show it and made Yoni love him for it. They really like each other and are together all the time and flirt in public which is great. One of the first times they appear in the same scene Emily describes them as “Stanlo was flirting with Yoni like usual” and that’s basically them for 100%. There’s one difficult moment in their love life but not because they’re fighting but because of other circumstances. They manage to get through it tho and are happy together forever. Also Yoni has a great and important role at the end during the Big Fight, in which he protects about 300 people at the same time (who need protection because of a special job they got and must not get in danger at all costs), and he’s one of my fave characters!!!!!

So, soft boy Stanlo! He is a bit less soft than the other soft boys but can still be considered a soft boy 👌🏻 he has the magical power of Electricity and likes getting himself hit by lightning lol (it doesn’t kill him). He also really likes drinking and becomes a huge flirty drunk but only towards Yoni which Yoni pretends to dislike but he loves it really. He also really loves his best friend Brenden and they’ve known each other since they were smol babbies. They have lots of fun together and sit in front of Bellány and Emilaya in one of their classes, so good times ensue! He’s the one to fall in love with Yoni first but he immediately goes for it - he doesn’t think Yoni will fall in love with him or anything but since he likes Yoni he just tries to be with him and flirt with him as much as he can - aND IT WORKS! Stanlo low key doesn’t understand how someone as great as Yoni could love him but he accepts it and they become a great couple; it also appears that their magic is compatible and they can create electrifying barriers which keep everyone even safer!

Then another of my fave soft boys (I have lots of soft boys I like soft boys), actually my all time fave: Robin! He has the magical power of Physical Energy, which allows him to control not only his own energy extremely well but also others. He uses it for good purposes tho~ and of course he becomes Emilaya’s Chrystal! (A Chrystal is a lover in Elunian terms) The first time they meet is when he and his family move into a tree in the same street as where Emilaya lives, and Emilaya just got back from another dimension and is exhausted, sitting in the middle of the street at midnight. Robin is immediately curious and starts talking to her. The thing with Robin is that he’s just so much FUN. He is one of the first to make Emilaya laugh at a time when she’s frustrated as shit. His smile is amazing and he can be so cute; he also blushes a lot lol and his eyes shine like stars. Besides that he’s fun, he’s also ridiculously kind and sweet. He always becomes a bit mad when Emilaya hurt herself because she’s too precious to him, and Emilaya always laughs and then tells him how sweet he is. Idk, he’s the kind of guy I would love to meet in real life but haven’t seen very often. Also he looks like Link 😂 but he’s definitely soft in terms of his capability to love. He loves Emilaya so much that he gives her the so called Soul Bliss, when you bless someone’s soul; when one receives a completely honest Soul Bliss, they get the most wonderful feeling they’ve ever felt - and that’s what happens when he gives it to Emilaya! They also share the same humour and he loves joking around with her. But he also cares for her so much it’s troublesome lol. Ahh I love him.

A boy who’s also soft is Robin’s little brother Piag. He has the magical power of Feelings which makes it already impossible for him to be anything but soft 😂 it’s more a passive power than an active one: he can’t control others’ feelings but he can feel them like his own and help them get better; he also wants to go into Healing, at the department of Mental Healing. 50% of the time he and Robin annoy the shit out of each other and 50% of the time they care for each other so much it’s problematic. When the evil fellows (Yukaï) who invade their planet attacked for the first time, Robin immediately grows worried because the bad feelings that are inside those creatures, affect Piag more than anyone. And when Piag falls in love with the first Yukai-boy to possess Elunian features (Miu, the last soft boy), Robin worries too because Miu’s bad feelings can affect Piag. And when Robin leaves Sinalópolis (the capital in which they live) to go to his friends in the town they moved from, Piag is upset that Robin leaves him. As I said, they annoy each other 50% of the time and love each other the other 50% :D. Piag is mostly considered cute, though he doesn’t like hearing it. The only one who he doesn’t hate hearing it from is Miu xD Piag also really loves reading and is okay with sticking to himself a bit because constantly feeling everyone’s feelings can be exhausting af. I love Piag!!! He is born in the same Sphere as Emilaya :D Piag and Emilaya also have mutual fondness for each other 👌🏻

Then the last soft boy! Sorry this has become such a long post… 😭 but the last soft boy is Miu, and also one of my fave characters ever! He was born a Yukai with Elunian features, which makes him an outcast and he gets repudiated by the other Yukaï. He is the one that saves Emilaya from imprisonment and therefore saves her life. Emilaya in return makes every Neflora who fights in the Big Fight watch out for any children that are the same as Miu, and they save more than 30 like him and take them in in their society. Because Miu is the first born Yukai to contain both Yukai features and Neflora features, he also has both feelings inside of him: dark feelings like fear and sadness and good feelings like happiness and love. This is what attracts Piag so much to him. His feelings can shift within a second and at first Piag is just curious. But soon he develops true feelings of love for Miu. Piag helped during the Big Fight to search for children who had both good and bad feelings inside them and helped save a lot of them! Miu already appreciates Piag for that, but when Piag reluctantly closes the distance between them, he feels curiosity in return. Piag talks to him about things he doesn’t really understand but wants to know more about, and when Piag tells him about the concept of being in love, Miu feels only positive feelings (this is when Piag confesses to him). Miu of course can’t immediately give a response in return because he doesn’t know what love is, but as Miu grows, his capability to love - which is an important feature in the world of Neflora - grows as well and he becomes able to fall in love with Piag. Since Miu, Piag has never loved anyone else so he’s so so happy! The first few years (Orbits) of their relationship is mostly Miu becoming more able to love and Piag falling in love harder lmao. Some moments are difficult because Miu sometimes suffers from panic attacks or strange waves of sadness that Piag feels as his own (it’s like there’s a war between good and bad going on within Miu #Zukoreference) (which is what Robin becomes worried about) but Piag still can’t stop himself from loving Miu and they get through it. I’m starting to think of different scenes between the two because I’m so excited about writing about them!! One of the important abilities of a Neflora is the ability to give their own “Kinameli”, their “heart of my love” to the person they love, which happens when they give each other the Body’s Gift (in other words when they’re gonna have sex). This is an important moment in Miu’s development, because when Piag gives him his Kinameli, Miu tries to give it back, but his Kinameli appears for a short second and then fades out again. This makes Miu so sad that Piag decides to give him his Kinameli anyway, and their first time is pretty good even though Miu couldn’t give Piag his Kinameli. After a while, Miu’s ability to love has grown to such an extend that he can bring his Kinameli out as well, and then their relationship improves even further 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

Soooo, I guess those are my soft boys!! This became so long 😩 I’m so sorry haha I completely understand if you don’t feel like reading it all :’) but thanks so much for asking I had so much fun writing about my boys ♥️

[castlehead]

Intermediately, the great grand thing  Spoke in and out of hearing, sometimes with                                   Barely a voice to rest on, if that       Bright commodity upstairs had anything to say       About it, but then the work —Delivered the right themes at the right times: and then, All that simple dust ploughing our vision so long, when in our way                   We accuse the blur rather than look at it like a uh     Lost dog, or than find it a path-always to Clarity, clout, the work, that is, made there—right there—in the crease of an eye A great grand thing         of a work:                    It was the result of banging the symptoms Dry I suppose, till my throat ran out of moisture To sing with, having dealt with symptoms long enough, Wanting cores: this magical thinking came with it The familiar frustration with anything too                       Much of a lie to take seriously anymore, or anything Based in lies, lies on thoughts of a thoughtless Public, so I thought, at least as to the livelihood of its artists, that is,; Pah!    When really the reign of The Public,    if a reign, must Be doing something widespread right! OR   Heck, nobody might’ve found out abt it yet, How wrong it is: society to this day is Just as unalterably plural, more so, even,                       Than it was, and remaineth just as Strong: it makes me think that, well, huh, this moment today: I am a part of that:

Of ashy morning skies lit by noon,             By fanatical jaws of light themselves

More Phoebus than Phoebus, at least, By Stevens’s hijacked terms: I think it’s the name

Of a sun-goddess or something. I am apart from My own parochial—or quaint maybe

Is the better word—schemes, not needing me

To bloom electric spires in formidable concerns About the state of poetry in order to be myself, that is

If family knew, would you [I] lose that name; Would the foils snigger at your befallen Ill, claim ALWAYS RIGHT ABOUT

IT? Twist me then if they do, twist Me in that way of the whirling

Buddhists [Dervishes] or something, on The short gradation outside, there

An illustrious haunted mansion, there, of some Reference: to be explained later, partly;

Seen only once, in the eyes of a pigeon That yu see, there, outside the window Of yr [my] decrepit sanctuary . . . . .

A flower grew in lungs that is bouquet By now. Almost went sere and riven by The stark yet careful doubt some shade / Of                      Freedom greeted it with, ill-fated: it welcomed It pursue freedom to the end of uncertainty,   But this was driven by my own promise               And my responsibility therein got us nowhere. First Of all, it couldn’t be a challenge like it was, which Would imply the possibility of the winner having Something to brag about, a superficial upside if any. The Entrance into                    This orbit, hidden somewheres in the aging crabgrass of failure Is best revealed to a sceptic like me, I’m ready, I thought, bragging: But like my prior corpses I’d left to mulch, I was Burnt to death, dry throat made driest at the root, thirsting for The other better-quenching bc—so elusive—root of my problems:                       I was evil if I did not win the war; I’d be a martyr if I did. What a choice! Well: the calyx shattering and the waxing stem      Hath blended in my lungs both love and hate For this stately shadowy figure I weave that is myself.               And now has bloomed to things of magnificent smoke Overcoming the weakness of that starting sarcoid Rose; and I spoke a jungle through the drowning rain of it. And sorrow poured in drops of shattered leaves, And in my fist were incubated pearl, which As seed was not mine to give but mine to take: Some sphere of spectral emptiness, like smoke,                   It became,—the figure; to warm within a heart Like mine that everlasting sight of idiom, inspiring as     It fell thru love and hate and even flesh,                    Really, landing on that precious emptiness Like a stuntman leaping to find his pillow. Wakened I though in remorse, to an apologetic bower:     It turned out I was not The Chosen One:             My comforting patterns, shades of things, here in my head, instead, Were thrown back at me, and I entrusted strictly to mycellf, to feed No others dead w/ my pittance of alimony, only I to kill Myself with overkill, this time,             Tho, I thought my muse not poisonous but alive                         Once more, more than ever, and I trusted this hunch: That anyone’s muse is forever of a manic phoenix-eternity, tho Considering proof of this, merely what             I hath sampled some of briefer craft than this: I am hearing searing laughter from Crane’s Broken Tower now Where levels to the top are mere dusky climes for the end of logic     Everybody knows, my vision of my fate                         To foggy up and stew aloft debris around: I was anyway to drill My foggy mind to dimness despite all the warnings, weaker, weaker seeing any Aim for it at all that meant enough for what I had withstood When standing dying in a solitary wood                          Like some obstinate pillar of some house, laden    With vine. I made the aforementioned pearl Be what broke, so freed myself from blame, not to avoid disrepute but                          So I could free the dirty flowers too, In my lungs, wanting voice for me for So long, and who venerated me—          Like as if they were the children of my pulse of Vividness— My entire culminating imagery I play at paste to make—the one thing this all Means—so I cld free them from the furtherance                        That yet sadly gave them life, I know not how: a choking grip           By the burly, hairy hands of that arrogant demiurge in me, the one That haunts the viney manse with his smokey palings                            That I saw once in the pigeon’s eye; thereupon bursting With unhealable tremor / A worldwide armistice could not provide With peace. So leave me to my solitary lease, With my fracturing of pearl and idiom / And blend again What cannot be controlled, o shadow-figure of my Dreams, or of something else I do not want to know.             It is as if the sun had got too bold To with its burning laugh not sere all the cowards!— As swinging go the falling bells I know                        Not where. so whether this, imagination’s       Curl, or swerve, or wave, could shove me sideways from the better Word I’d use if I’d had room, I take the thing that comes, as carnival;              I take the hitching strands to my whatever. A girl is In each refractory parting of each pome, almost like that infinity I saw.      When by that black hole I—       smoldered in my cheap oneness, while The infinite sat there mute, unchanged. And my lungs hath stirred   A partial requiem for that hurt in place of having nothing, Though that loss partake of soul, despite,—consumes / What’s horrible to           Head, and makes it horribler; yet which insistently tells me of                                        Some mournful finery: as would                  At first, maybe bleaken my candor, with my trite reactions To the imagistic foliage; or come across as ‘soul-baring’— Too emotionally populous to get it straight— Rather than bleed pollinating thoughts immediately For glinting miles, for flowers, unfolding flowers,                            The genus nameless, and that yet I see ahead, for          In reality, an evolving subject, and Imbued in all, however most don’t notice it at all. Anyway                             To call the rain in showers some drained corpse, To give up & pile the soul on ruddy hills of rudiment, a dull Betrayal of the abstract dream, using those sacred tools th. while —Of a personal inwardness, run by the impetus Of possibility, to one day harness guts and mind a single steed;                    All of this to me appears to rhyme With madness. Shall I say it is a shape, this noble with ignoble?          Shall I recourse to nudge on my knee                   Of flowery rhetoric against yours, like a jerk?           It is more than flowery rhetoric. No. To whisper bangs of sunlight on the pearl again, takes bravery;                     That is, despite assumptions it no longer Is, I know, it hasn’t yet drained all the fuel from Her, misbegotten, mixed, expressionistic metaphor, the damned clever girl,              And which in craving for a soul of flowers forms a soul; Does this detesteth not a thing? And petals, leaves, Falling, are they king? I find more in the verbs my doing              Does, than on the page: an act to harp Away somewhere, you kno, into the buzz Afflicted ears despair to feel and hear, I guess, I guess. These girls, each of them crumble, and beauty the veneer                      For havoc. And I have no choice To see but what I see and when I do, In spite of darkness cold that silence Calls to you: a smallness in the violence                      Of each retracted word in mundane conversation; Or each morose conniption in the heart an explanation Must entail, so one’s neighbor might See their situation valid: for I define myself                     With breath and breath and beat and Beat of brain, will hoard all, for am sensitive to All, I value all though; including sublimest terror, Will stand them on my shelf like books. The terror doesn’t Bond a minstrel, troubadour ARNAUT at least came close; Nor any songster huffing on about himself and nothing else. But she                      Who speaks to sing her chances by the floe Where Orpheus responded to the wind, And hears some most unpeptic echo there, risks upon Herself the assuming of a dissipated character, wearing-down her days alone, While the rest go to their doom, thinking they are right.                     That tired nature speaks in raspiness. I would endure the dullest fellow’s bliss To spawn my own, for it would be the same. An animatic masque Is all in the World who praise doing a task            For the sake of peace, for that it not haunt them any longer,                               A mansion in the woods.                 Their daemon is not: but is stuff made up Of ghosts that dog a thought, without knowing what it is,    Themselves not there; they are ghosts. And step by step, These theorizers corrupt slowly and neatly          Their emanating voice until it is shrill whisper,                            Which after all wld come to any who rely On meekness to get by, as if contentiousness Were too much a risk: like, about anything: but it is                    A serious / Pleasure, something            Maybe, touched and felt certain: rarely does that bless us: So then to be not, most of all, uh, not Resigned withal the creaks of footsteps, or standard leaks Thru standard floors, is most important thing. They all of them, I too- -Make a ‘bash’ of the solitude I love alone for none.                   Except in the former’s case is bashed its helpfulness; The latter, a bash, a party in my skull, my truest friends, ideas I have invited. They go away, the others than oneself, I mean to say, not like oneself:           They go to find where people haven’t yet gone, with a— Distaste for the supreme fictions they find resultantly, When really there is nothing other that poetry Can meet so head-on as illusion. It is considerably seen         In figuration, and mocks the human tongue Like it were doggerel, inviting but more limits to the truth,— With this futile other-vision of systemic truth, as makes parade                    Of what is no garbage certainly in its puerile    Purity, I mean, there is, as ther is in      Any language as might try to get beyond itself,—o stiff sophomore,           You, as others, and as I do, tho it’s worse for me, Since I don’t know it, think I am ‘above’ it ‘at this point’—turn and turn      In bed, thinking about what’s in yr head, when it doesn’t, nevr will, exist,—

When these findings in the garbage are no garbage, mostly, but where hides The revelatory Entrance To The World, or some other thing unfathomed. But’s thorough as a view through clean windows seen. Recalleth yr weathered                              Dreams to paradigm And moment, and the still image you get breaks sheds   Of different happenstance and cruel device From the actual thing you’re giving an account of. / When burrowing                        Into the head to find the waiting Mushrooms there, stuffed beneath the dirt—that is— Before they’re found by pigs of someone                        Else who might sniff out yr Myopic Self               And know where not to look—you can easily get sniffed-out By the pigs, (since all people are themselves a good idea) then- -Clamped-down on by their teeth, then tossed behind their shouldrs     At their faceless master holding a sack—you with the rest of their findings,           If you give up, / A pretty shitty experience, besides relief                            I guess, somewhere in yr heart, in finding out where you are, Since nobody who pursues a thing, anything, can know that,     Where they are, it’s chase or else quit  The chase, rub your eyes and realize your color-consuming geography              Like a realist painter, but of yr own pastels of experience; No longer be a space cadet, but be without the once-widespread you had. Tho if you don’t like that reality but go for it                    Anyway, then turn back, if even for one moment, you Will suffer the gaze for just that one moment of the clarity,                              Ere the complete destruction                Of all the deliciously unrequitable higher purpose            In you you had. Then you should probly just work for The Post Office. This packet of information, let it be forgotten.      Left to blight…                        In shiversome implicative doubt-paths. This is my sternly-worded war with Voice: I can hear its vocal cannon-fire Struggle to usurp whatever hocks out the quaked shallow hollow of my throat       And a crippling volley of gunfire somewhere piercing me In the exact place where peace is most necessary.            Elsewhere I am violent in the realms of quell of soul,       Struggling to fight life itself to life. And for peace, they are, though, two diff. things; are           Somewhere picked in froggy-smelling      Legions of bombast and bad attitude. One can Whiff the stink of existential pang and long-parched effort, But done up to be a song, it still succeeds And honors—godly paradoxi; I pull the meaning up By straps of liquified boots by the gnash of crud And sharp shale-particle.    Maybe that’s the smell.         My thought-factory     Raises its ranks up the totem / Of production, meets my salutary                  Pride of finally doing this for me at the top, Like it usually does: I think this is a pome: But it is not final, as no pome shld be. I guess it is A seizing up despite nought there to      Seize, despite that my muscles are soup: the act a making of the thing, Divided by art, equals opus, a ripe conclusion staved           Off so long: a relatively swell                               Commitment to the job of making and                     A hurtle towards the carrion and guile, A victor running rampant  on the buzz of his own smile. This is— Evaded wisdom, now, for the sake Of running after something, ha, ha. Now to bother sorrow,              Again, to make my comfy stead, as usual: there’s ended                            Days, sure: I quite before my mind begin,       A lot. Yet I force no falter, merely fail, Tho exert. Elsewhere were made a few thoughtful stains Like this one, trying to unify. That now                    Relic, flew alone once, before                          A state of eyes no glare could rob a layer From knew what familiar objects liked to be to me, and sniffed me out.        Damn pigs. Damn pigeons! This fear like darting from the light Is a concealing of my practices, fearfully shy for them, for what they were                 To me was too embarrassingly close to my heart         As my very guts of trial, of joy, and —Of experience. Yet if at my own behest I might Make less tearful miles of lines           Each year, I might ask the other in me Why she wants no poetry any longer: you know, poetry about Th causes made to shed themselves spontaneously, Once pointed out on a map: would that be deceptive: A focus but of the original expression I had                     On what is far away from it, and that into still more dissimilar                                     Parts but so far away as even to come back     To what I had meant to start with simply by going Around the back of my head, like a Christopher                                     Colombus of the psyche, except I don’t destroy civilizations of people: wow, That comparison really gets me between with— Myriad confusions: foolproof,   Each one is a name for the one contained within, so                          The Christopher Columbus metaphor might      As well equally mean twelve diff. other things. Could I suffer the claims of others That I was meaningless? But all I think of is                         A nakedness of elsewhere. No mind            Could stitch that together stiff. And do I want to be stiff? In that case. Well. It is all more nebulous than one possibility. That I know. Made of self-scorn                  And acuteness   Of the mask, tht possibility could wire blackly                 Over a cynicism well as much a poison To the secret-snatchers who thought they Got it: oh, those foolish others: news for you, I knew not what I         Saw either, yet took the rest                                As what I did, but plainly, as an object,           Any, dissolved it all in rightful substances                   As anxious as the tears blurred once the sight.                                      O what by salty   Stain upon one fraction of the book           My eyes made many, took a few revelations Within their tombs, hied from my glare forever. Mere chaos, maybe; to                             Become a unity                    The message, old and dire,                                           Curbed too much . . . .