#i like to see that other people have similar reactions to mine when they see posts about characters they like

[kaeyapilled]

Wow! that was a lot more words than a throwaway tag remark demanded! I have very many thoughts about all these little pixel people

SAME BUDDY. SAME

[charlotte-zophie]

Therapy conversation

Dear Fandom, dear Mr. Gaiman,

I hope this isn´t weird but i have something to confess.

Since I watched the second season of Good Omens, I've gone through so many phases that I barely recognize myself anymore.

My first reaction after episode 6 was shock, then I was disturbed because I didn't know that it was possible for a series to have such a strong influence on my psyche, I questioned myself and doubted my sanity. Then I was overcome by an incredible sadness and was really heartbroken. I felt like a pubescent teenager, in my mid-30s. I couldn't sleep properly for several days, had nightmares and my thoughts were with these two ineffable loving idiots the whole time.

And the worst thing about it was that for the first few days I was really ashamed to admit to myself and my husband that I was completely and hopelessly immersed in this world. I did nothing but watch videos, listen to sad songs, and read heartbreaking fanfictions for days. And of course I read the book again and watched the series over and over again. All in the hope that it will ease my heartache a little.

But as is often the case in these situations, after a few days in which no real change occurs, you have the thought that you will be lost in this feeling forever. But since I have 3 children that I need to look after, of course locking myself away for weeks with heartbreak wasn't an option, so I had to find an outlet for myself to channel my pain.

So I started painting a picture. By Aziraphale and Crowley. And stroke by stroke I let my feelings flow out of me and into the picture.

It took over a week until I had a motif in which I could see my thoughts and feelings expressed and then it took another week until I finished the picture. On an old canvas with paints that haven't been used for a long time, with many, many layers of old paint underneath.

But when the picture was finally finished, it really took a load off my mind. It was like I had broken a dam and was finally able to let it all out and convert it into creative energy.

But I think the most important thing was that I uploaded the picture to Tumblr and received such a response that I was incredibly touched and immediately motivated to paint more pictures.

Since that day, hardly a moment goes by when I am not holding a pen in my hand or not thinking about a new picture. I'm in one of the most creative phases in a very long time and I'm really enjoying it.

I am so grateful for the wonderful people here! Here I see that I'm not alone with my strange feelings that I still don't really know how to classify. Here I read thoughts that are so similar to mine, here I see works of art that melt my heart, here I feel understood!

And I am so grateful for the pain that showed me the way back to my creative energy!

Thank you Fandom!

Thank you Neil Gaiman!

I would have been lost without you!

Because I don't know my way around here very well, I didn't think about pinning the picture in question as a link when I created this post, but since many people have asked about it, I've pinned it here. Thank you all, love love love

[furiousgoldfish]

Did my parents use cult techniques of abuse on me?

Or, did I grow up in a cult-like environment?

Control of appearance

my parents would berate me for my choice of clothing and accessories

my parents would insult me, call me names or slurs or make inappropriate comments if I dressed in a way they disapproved of

my parents would refuse to take me places until I dressed the way they required

my parents would shame me for my appearance and say they're ashamed to be seen in public with me

my parents would require me to look similar to what they look, even if it wasn't my style

my parents would take away pieces of my clothing and destroy it if they didn't like it

my parents would blackmail me or force me to wear a certain piece of clothing against my will

my parents would physically force me into clothing they decided I should wear

my parents berated, insulted and shamed me for the length, color and the style of my hair, if it wasn't what they thought I should look  like

only certain styles of clothing, hair, and accessories were acceptable for me to wear

Control of information, isolation and 'them versus us'

my parents would ask me 'where did you learn that?' whenever I would say something they didn't like

my parents would blame the school/my friends and say 'is this what they taught you?' if I didn't comply with their requests

my parents would disprove of reliable sources of information; they would insist they're right even when their information was directly against science, common sense, school or expert opinion

I was restricted or heavily discouraged from absorbing certain sorts of media (tv was forbidden, or certain books were forbidden, or the internet)

my parents were happy to expose me to information on how others live only if they were showing me worse abuse than what was going on at home. my only references were people who hurt their children much worse

my parents didn't like me spending time with my friends and would criticize those friends harshly in front of me

my parents considered anyone who isn't like them stupid, undesirable, less worthy and irrelevant, they wouldn't take in new information about them and instead considered themselves superior

my parents insisted that there isn't a place for me in the 'outside world' and that I'm only ever going to be a burden and a liability to everyone

my parents convinced me that people in the 'real world' were cruel and dangerous, and that I was likely to get killed, kidnapped, robbed, sexually assaulted or taken hostage by them

my parents believed anyone who fell victim to homelessness, addictions, abuse, poverty, illness or misfortune was stupid, worthless, lived their life wrong, and it was all their own fault that this happened to them

Control of location, financial abuse and life decisions

my parents would take any money I receive as a gift away from me

my parents would take any money I earn away from me

my parents would find a way to 'borrow' or 'keep safe' the money that was supposed to be mine, and I would never see it again

my parents would employ me to do work that would otherwise be paid work, but I would never hear about the money, they would just say it would go to 'the cost of keeping me'

my parents required me to work to 'deserve to live', I would have to do extensive physical work in order to deserve food, shelter, and basic resources I needed for school

my parents didn't give me proper working conditions, when working I wasn't allowed to complain of being tired, hungry, needing the toilet or a break, I had to work silently

my parents wanted me to work for them even after coming of age

my parents wanted me to only work somewhere close to the family (in the same town/city/district, or in a relative's home) and would sabotage me getting jobs that required me to move away

my parents threw tantrums or had extreme anxious reactions if I were to try to move somewhere away from them (insisting I'd be hurt, kidnapped, killed, robbed, sold into slavery, etc)

my parents wouldn't allow me to make life decisions on my own even when I was of age, and insisted that they know what is right for me instead

my parents would withdraw their support from me, or do intense shaming, guilt-tripping, acting hurt and betrayed and blaming me for their own bad psychological state, if I tried to make my own life decisions the way I wanted (even when I'm an adult)

if I needed to move for school/work, my parents insisted on being in as close contact as possible, they wanted me to call them daily or would call daily

I felt that my parents did not trust me to know how to take care of myself and they felt it was necessary to control all of my decisions for me, or I would go directly into my own doom

Strict patriarchal standards

my family believed that the father is supposed to be the 'leader' of the family and that other members of the family, specifically children, were to listen to his orders obediently or be punished

my family allowed the father to use extremely cruel punishments if he wasn't obeyed instantly

there was a double standard for what the family was free to do, and what the father was free to do; he could act as he pleased, but for the rest, there were strict rules of behaviour and limited freedom

while the father in the family was allowed to criticize, humiliate, guilt-trip and demand labour and resources from anyone in the family, he himself was above criticism and was not to be questioned

there was a double standard for girls and boys in my family; girls needed to be submissive, pleasing to look at, work endlessly for others and act like helpers and resources for other members of the family. boys were valued for toughness, durability, aggressiveness.

controlling, bullying and assaulting girls would be forgiven and dismissed, but girls would not be allowed to fight back.

boys were encouraged to fight and were not supposed to complain about injuries or fear physical violence at all

girls were valued for chastity, virginity and appeal to men, while boys were valued for physical strength, leadership, agression and decision making

extensive shame was put on any sexual desire, curiosity or even requests for information about sex

it was assumed that the goals for the young girls in the family was to become married and were trained for 'serving their future husband', to the point where they would be criticized and humiliated for anything 'their future husband wouldn't like'

my family did not give us any resources or information that would teach us about sex or protect us against sexual abuse

there was sexual abuse of children in my family (by adults, or by other children) and it was ignored, dismissed, either never brought to light or the perpetrators were protected if it ever was brought to light, and the entire thing covered up

Breaking (tw torture, tw murder attempts)

I was denied food or shelter if I would disobey my parents as a child

I was locked up somewhere if I would disobey my parents

I was hit, chased, threatened with violence, had things thrown at me and had people scream at me in rage if I disobeyed them as a child

I was beaten, to the point where I had marks on my body, as a punishment for disobedience

I was starved as a punishment for disobedience (my food intake was limited, a meal was withdrawn every day or multiple meals were, or my meals were less than what everyone else was allowed to have)

I was sleep-deprived as a punishment (allowed less than 8 hours of sleep at night)

I was overworked as a punishment (forced to do long or unusual cleanings or other menial labour)

I was exposed to life-threatening situations as a punishment (someone would try to drown/choke/injure me, or put me in a situation where I would likely get injured)

Punishments would not be over until I would break down unable to bear it any more and I would apologize and beg for it to stop, sometimes it still wouldn't stop

After punishments, nobody would speak to me, look at me, pay attention to me, or give me any comfort or acknowledgment, everyone acted as if I was poisonous or toxic (this is shunning)

After punishments, I would be isolated, without any human contact, for prolonged periods of time, I wouldn't be allowed back into the family until they decided it was time

I was exposed to extensive shaming and contempt for disobeying (I was told I was the worst, most selfish creature to live, that I was evil, possessed, demonic, I was called slurs, animal names, monstrous names, compared to the devil or worst humans to exist, blamed for everyone's suffering, accused of causing suffering on purpose and enjoying it)

intimate, sexual or extremely uncomfortable punishments were done to me for disobeying or talking back

I believed that the members of the family were all-powerful, and that there was no way of escaping their punishments, or for them not to find out if I've done anything wrong. I became terrified of making any mistakes and couldn't see a world where they wouldn't find out

I was scared that the family members could read my thoughts and was forbidden to think anything ill of them

Religious and Spiritual Abuse (control of thoughts)

I was supposed to accept the same religion my parents believed in, and anything else was unacceptable

I was forced to participate in church going, religious activities and rituals even if I strongly did not want to be involved

I was taught extensive religious or spiritual beliefs from the start of life, and would be judged on those standards/had to prove my faith in various ways

I was forced to 'confess' my thoughts and beliefs to a member of the family or the church, who then judged me and 'corrected' my way of thinking, telling me how I should (must) think

my place in society was dictated by my religion, if religion said my purpose is to have a family, or have children, then the only way for me to exist would be to follow that purpose

I was taught that laziness is a sin and I was to work every moment I possibly could, or I would be shamed as a sinner

I was told I was impure, sinful, that certain parts of human nature like curiosity, desire for knowledge, critical thinking and indulgence in my interests and desires was 'against god', and I had to give it all up in order to be a good person

I was taught to fear god's wrath and that punishment would come for anything that could possibly be perceived as wrong

I was taught that suffering is necessary and good for us, that the more we suffer in this world, more will we be rewarded in the next one, and that being put through extensive and prolonged pain would actually save me and give me good graces with god

alternatively, I was told that any suffering was my fault and only here because 'I didn't believe enough' or 'my faith isn't pure enough' and if I only did everything right, then I would have no suffering, no illnesses, no problems and no bad moods ever

I was told there was something demonic and evil inside of me, and had to bear punishments to 'exorcise the possession'

I was told I was so evil, selfish and demonic that I could not be loved, or could only be loved under certain conditions, and if I'm continually punished

I was introduced to a 'new age religion' or a specific spiritual belief by my family and was then groomed to participate in it long term, not realizing that it was done for a purpose to benefit a certain cause that was ultimately exploitative and deceptive

I was shamed and told I was doing harm to the world for arbitrary things, like having my own stuff, eating certain foods, participating in certain harmless activities or buying certain things

limits and restrictions would be placed on completely harmless things for which I would then be persecuted

Escape prevention

I was told that I was not capable of living in the normal world and that I would die if I ever escape

I was told I would commit suicide if I escape

I was told that the world outside is life-threatening, that people are dangerous, prone to attack, murder, rob, assault or kidnap me

I was told that I was absolutely unwanted, burden and a waste of space if I'm outside of the family

I was told there was no way for me to become a part of any other group or have a place in any social circle outside of the family

I was terrified that there would be revenge if I ever escaped, and that someone would come and attempt to take my life

(in case of escape) extensive measures were taken to try and get me to come back, I was searched for, contacted and harassed by multiple people trying to find me and bring me back home

(in case of escape) my relatives, friends, acquaintances and peers were harassed and manipulated to believe they need to bring me back and that I'm making a mistake

I was extensively shamed, told I was being cruel, in the wrong, that I needed to forgive and forget any wrongdoing, that I was doing damage and hurting people, if I ever tried to escape

I could feel that I would be shunned, everything I had would be taken from me and I would be left without any family, any resources or any safety net if I ever escape

(in case of escaping) I became shunned and unwelcome in my own family

(in case of escaping) the worst rumors and allegations were spread against me, my family told everyone made-up stories or exaggerated lies of how awful, cruel, selfish, crazy, distorted, sick and psychotic I am

(in case of escape) after escaping, I was hit with severe terror and trauma, and was barely able, or completely unable to function for a period of time, I didn't believe I would survive, and I didn't know how to function in the world

(in case of escape) after escaping, I realized I had nothing to my name, no skills for survival outside of the family, and I needed to re-learn everything, from socialization with people to financial skills and self care, I wasn't taught anything that would help me live in the outside world

*if someone other than your parents did this to you, you can substitute 'parents' by 'abuser'. Sometimes cults will cut family bonds and convince you that the cult community is your only family

If you've scored high on this list, it doesn't necessarily mean you were brought up in a cult, because cults often use tactics of domestic abuse, and the reverse is also true, domestic abusers often use cult tactics of abuse. It also doesn't mean that you weren't brought in a cult, if most of this is applicable you could potentially benefit from reading resources about cults and how they function, and how to recover from them and clear your mind of their control.

Most families raise their children in their own religion, and by patriarchal standards, it doesn't mean that it isn't religious and sexist abuse, because children are often not free to choose their beliefs or live freely of those standards. It's a societal type of 'accepted abuse'. However, you had anything from 'Breaking' category true for you, you were severely abused and someone attempted to take your free will completely from you, and take control of you. Everything in there counts as torture, is illegal, and is not in any way acceptable to do to a child, or adult, and none of it could ever be done for your own good. Also, control of your appearance, finances, information and escape prevention are strong signs of exploitation and being held hostage and used against your will. Control of appearance is mostly done so that nobody in the outer world could recognize that you're not there by your free will and as a part of that family/community, it's to make your abuse invisible and undetectable. Control of information is there to make it invisible to you, so that you can't figure out whats happening to you isn't normal.

If you've scored high on this list, it means you've been through extensive and terrifying levels of abuse, and that strong measures were taken to prevent you from escaping. This type of abuse has long-lasting effects and is not something one can easily recover from. Nobody deserved anything on this list to be done to them, every point is abuse.

[disregardcanon]

this probably seems like a weird question from your end,but why do fanfic writers care so much about comments? aos already tracks hits and likes, sorry ""kudos"", so why are comments such a big deal to the point that people will stop writing?

okay, so i'm going to take this question very seriously and i promise it's not to make you feel bad. this is a comprehensive explanation of reasons that comments are important for me, both as a writer and as a reader

engagement vs numbers game

seeing trends

buy-in

community building

engagement vs numbers game

let's look quickly at two different fics of mine. this is the kudos count for a fic called Of First Kisses and Burnt Lips

it's old. it's been up on ao3 for almost 11 years now. 258 people liked it enough to leave a kudos, 12 people liked it enough for a bookmark, and it's been clicked on 3,859 times.

i have no clue what almost any of these people on ao3 THINK about it. beyond "huh. sure. i'll kudos that". compare this to its crosspost on ffn, where i got 5 reviews

3/5 mention it being cute. 3/5 give appreciation to me for taking the time to write it. 2/5 praise the writing itself from the attention to detail with grammar to the craft. 1/5 is an "um..." which is hard to decipher but appreciate and 1/5 is a silly reaction, but it's a reaction! look, someone felt a felling reading my thing! that made me giggle!

looking at the stats here from a purely numbers perspective, my fic DID better on ao3. it got a lot more kudos than it ever got faves or reviews on ffn. but those ffn comments are still what i think about when i remember this fic.

sure, a shear number like hits or kudos can be comforting and motivating. i'm definitely not telling you to NOT leave kudos! but the fics that i've come back to, recently, are the ones where i don't have a lot of kudos but i do have a few people who are invested in the stories and leaving comments to tell me

2. seeing trends

lets look at a few of the comments on my fic The Maid of Honor Made Them Do It

so just in these two comments, we see both commenters hone in on the same detail: my choice to include a special christian music playlist that this characters' friends made for her. a few other people in this thread mentioned that same detail, so i know this bit really worked well! it's great feedback that lets me know that a good chunk of readers agree with my characterization here.

these readers zoom in on specific details that they really liked! things that made them laugh, the absurdity of the concept, enjoying reading it, and that they could see it staged, which is a HUGE compliment for a work in a fandom for theater.

i've always had trouble with imaging where characters are in a space, how they're occupying it and moving, and how to use that for characterization purposes. however, i got more than one comment on this fic about how people could see it staged! that means that i'm improving in an area that i've always struggled with. that's huge. it makes me want to keep working on this thing! it makes me feel like what i'm doing here matters, because lots of people are picking up on similar things! they're invested enough to give me a comment! and it makes me want to keep writing for the hatchetfield fandom because some people are invested in my work here. that is BIG! seeing trends in the way that readers experience your story helps a lot with writer buy-in for a project and also for writers self-analysis.

as a commenter: this helps me JUST as much. when i really dig into what i enjoyed about a fic to tell the writer about it, that helps me analyze and articulate the strengths and things i might want to take away from the storytelling, and that makes my writing better too!

3. buy-in

this is a comment on a series that has less than 100 kudos across three fics, but has thoughtful, appreciative comments on each work. it's called Melting Pot

the commenter deleted their ao3 account. they may be one of the people who commented on the next fic, which i posted recently. they might NOT have been! honestly, it doesn't matter that much to me. this person gave me a gentle and nudge about a fic that matters to me and mattered to them at the time, and they were part of the push i needed to get back to it.

from a commenter perspective, i know that hearing a kind word can help someone keep up their motivation to write, even when i can't write in depth comments the way that i like to!

just recently i only had the time to comment "nice update" on a favorite fic of mine called Teeth That Turn. but they know that i come and i read and they know and talk to me by (user)name. because they know i care about this thing they care about! and it's way more fun to do something like this when i know i can chat with the author about theories and thoughts and ideas. and this isn't a "wow aren't i so cool other writers like me! tehehe" bragging thing, it's just evidence for the case of why comments matter?

if i didn't want this to be a two way buy-in, i'd ONLY read published fiction, you know? we're all playing in the sandbox on the playground and i like what they made. they like that i like what they made :) we're scheduling a play date to fight with sticks after school my mom said it's okay!

4. community building

now i know that i just mentioned above here why i like being a commenter and how it helps authors, as well as why i like HAVING commenters as an author. i'm still arguing those things as a lead up to this section, where i have two other points to make about community building here too.

1. you can comment on OTHER comments! if you go through and read to see what other people are saying, you can agree with them. you can add some commentary! sometimes you can make a joke! and i've only ever had fun responses from something like that. authors tend to love that their fics are getting such a response that people are talking to each other about it! like look!!!!!! my thing got you to talk to someone else about it holy shit?!??!

2. commenting on fics in your fandom builds you a good reputation and makes other authors you comment on more likely to read YOUR fic. i'm not going to post any screenshots on this one because it would be embarrassing for everyone involved, but there have been authors that i really admired who gave my stuff a try after i commented on theirs. and they've told me that's why they tried it! like obviously it's not just networking or whatever, but it's really nice to have someone give your stuff a try because you've been enthusiastic and thoughtful about theirs.

and you make friends this way! fandom friends! who want to talk about your blorbos! you get to go on little play dates in cyberspace with cool people who like what you like. you don't ever HAVE to be a writer, of course. if you don't want to throw your hat into the ring or make art or edits or gif sets or anything, that's cool. no one ever has to participate in fandom outside of their comfort zone! but if you want to, you know that you'll feel more welcomed if you have some people in your corner for it, and making friends in a space, screaming about how much you love the characters you love, and remembering that fic authors especially are just fans too will help you feel like you "deserve" to exist in the space. maybe you don't write, but you go here too. you've got a space in the fandom and your comments don't have to be, like, perfect literary essays for authors to appreciate them and get a motivation boost from them still existing and us being able to go back to them and go!!! look!!! i don't suck!!! this person liked what i did so i'm okay! :)

[imagineredwood]

would include/headcanons of a possessive!reader laying claim on her man? the whole ‘he’s mine’ and similar to the way tara held jax (imitating the gemma & john photo) but with angel at the clubhouse?

This got long af and I didn't think it would so I didn't want it to get crazy long but now my brain is saying what would happen after👀👀Like after she does that and they're alone or mostly alone how he'd respond? Be cause my brain says impressed but also horny but also proud but also kinda subby Angel after?? Yes? No??

You weren't typically what one would consider possessive

At least they didn't think you were

But there wasn't really a reason to be

You hadn't exactly been around or with Angel for a very long time, 6 months coming up

But you had been around long enough and so had everyone else to know that you were Angel's, and Angel was yours

Whether you were big on giving PDA or not, Angel definitely was

And it couldn't be confused that he always made sure to stake his claim on you

A hand low on your hip here

That same hand sliding down your back to rest on the very top of your ass there

A quick hand that gently held your throat to bring you in for a kiss

It was obvious

But maybe not so much to a new person

She was a friend of a friend

Brand new, first time in the clubhouse to watch a fight

There were people everywhere, hustle and bustle

Laughing and joking and yelling and cheering

It was organized chaos that you all knew and loved

But for a first-timer, it was hard to tell people apart

Tell who came with who and who claimed who

So when she laid her eyes on Angel who was sitting outside with EZ and Coco, no other girl in sight, she figured he was fair game

You were inside fixing yourself a drink and grabbing a new beer for Angel on your way

And next thing you know, there's some girl standing next to Angel, her smile bright and flirty

His eyes are neutral as he looks up at her

She motions to your seat and he shakes his head, pointing at an empty chair over by Coco, which she happily grabs and then brings closer to him before sitting down

It's EZ and Coco whose heads turn towards you in sync, eyes watching

They aren't sure what your response will be

It's uncharted territory

You don't know her, never seen her before, and judging by their response, they haven't either

She keeps talking to Angel but he's not really listening, his eyes following the boys and then landing on you, staring at him while standing still, both drinks in hand

His eyes are wide and you can tell he's fighting the instinct to either stand up or gently knock her chair over before you come up

But the shithead in him also wants to see what you're going to do

A new step in the relationship if you will

So he stays

Ignoring her, yes, but not bothering to get up or move

And you feel like you can see his throat bob as you start moving again, making your way over to them

EZ winces and smoothes his hand over his hair while Coco keeps his eyes trained on you, also eager to see what your reaction will be

She realizes that everyone is looking behind her instead of at her and turns her head as well, laying eyes on you just as you come up and hand Angel his new beer

Placing your drink down on your seat; the very seat Angel told her she couldn't sit in

And she realizes now

Cringing slightly

As you offer her a tight smile, coming to stand behind Angel

She didn't know, it's not her fault

But that doesn't mean you have to let it go unaddressed

And you won't

"He's mine, by the way."

Your left hand coming to lay on his left shoulder, sliding down his chest until it came to rest on his sternum

Light, and warm even through the kutte, but still

Your eyes on hers

"You were saying?"

General taglist (tagged in all work)

@piccasoe @ateliefloresdaprimavera @woahitslucyylu @everyhowlmarksthedead @glimmerglittergirl @fanaticfangurl21 @encounterthepast @svintsandghosts @starrynite7114 @destynelseclipsa @queenbeered @iamthegraham @emoengelfurleben @all-the-boys-to-the-yard @otomefromtheheart @rosieposie0624 @papa-geralt-of-cirilla @beeroses @weirdosandhopelessromantics @kola95

@cruzwalters @myakai13 l @lyly00 @Zsakaystacks17 @cole-winchester @alexxavicry @savagemickey03 @fanfic-n-tabulous @xbloodyxangelx @carma-fanficaddict @gillysoldlady @choochoo284 @whitetxilwxlf @ravennaortiz @flowercrowns-goodvibes

Mayans MC taglist 

@dazzledamazon  @briana-mishell24 @wrcn9fvlcver @thesandbeneathmytoes @krysiewithak @appropriate-writers-name @blessedboo @megapeacelovemusic-blog @emoengelfurleben @blowmymbackout @abby-splace @kola95 @redpoodlern @myakai13 @cruzwalters @po3ticb3auty @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @angel-121 @fanfic-n-tabulous @carma-fanficaddict

[clumsybriar]

Keegan Russ x Reader - Righting the Wrongs

Keegan Russ x Reader

Notes: I have a tendency of being able to see my own mistakes so there might be mistakes!

Word Count: 12,690

Warnings: Bullying, cuss words here and there.

_________________________________________________

“Congratulations.” Was what the bride and groom heard every few seconds as people talked to them at the ceremony.

“Congratulations,” Keegan nudged (Y/n) as he teased. “Mrs. Russ, Mr. Russ.”

“Shut up,” (Y/n) giggled as Murray stood beside the two looking confused. She was only 10, and (Y/n)’s little sister. Keegan bounced Ryker in his arms, Murray and (Y/n)’s baby brother.

(Y/n) held Murray’s hand as they progressed further in the line.

“Oh,” the bride smiled as she saw the four of them. “I’d say what a lovely family but I know Thomas wouldn’t let his daughter marry just yet.” The bride laughed as Keegan and (Y/n) flushed red.

“How old are you two now, I remember when you were young kids running around.” The groom teased softly.

“19,” (Y/n) hummed softly flustered.

“23,” Keegan patted Ryker’s back as the baby gurgled. “We’ve aged since.” He chuckled.

“Marines serving you well?” The groom asked.

“Plenty well,” Keegan hummed.

The conversations started to drift in two different ways.

“So, has he asked you yet?” The bride asked giggling. She was so in love with the idea of love and being loved. She was a giddy bride from the beginning.

“Oh, asked me what?” (Y/n) cocked her head to the side as Murray looked at the bride's pretty dress taken aback by it. It was gorgeous, (Y/n) could agree to that.

“Dating! You and Keegan!” She giggled while (Y/n) got flustered.

A similar question was occurring on the other side.

“So, did you ask her on a date yet? You guys have known each other for quite a while.” The Groom hummed to Keegan. Keegan was clearly flustered and blushing.

“Oh with the military it’s been on the back burner, I don’t feel it would be right to do her like that, leaving always maybe not returning.” Keegan said softly.

“Her father is Thomas Merrick, I think they are used to it, Keegan, all of his kids. So, I don’t think she’d have an issue.”

Yet for years Keegan had yet to ask her out, or vice versa. The two clearly had a thing going, so much so Merrick would set Keegan down and ask him what his plans were. Hesh and Logan would tease the man any chance they got talking about (Y/n) when she was on base visiting her father with her mother and siblings.

Instead things took a strange turn and Keegan had met a woman who was very beautiful, (Y/n) always thought she was prettier then herself comparing her to the gorgeous woman Keegan had settled on. It tore (Y/n) down but she couldn’t blame Keegan for going straight into a relationship with her and not (Y/n) herself.

But ever since he started to date the lovely Lindsey, she didn’t turn out to be so lovely…

Lindsey despised (Y/n), despised how close Keegan was to her, how he would hug and kiss her cheek when he greeted her, tell her at get-togethers and parties that she was pretty. It was a whole fiasco and one (Y/n) had started to split herself away for Lindsey’s sake and the sake of her relationship with Keegan. (Y/n) wasn’t a Homewrecker and she wasn’t about to be.

The friendship between her and Keegan started to take a toll as he noticed how she would clearly avoid him and Lindsey after the last party. It was not a good experience for (Y/n) needless to say.

“Seriously, stop trying to take him from me, he’s mine!” Lindsey shouted as she poured wine all over (Y/n). The only reaction the oldest Merrick could do was gasp and nod her head. She didn’t even try to explain because Lindsey would never understand or try to understand. (Y/n) just glanced at Keegan and turned around with tears in her eyes as her pretty yellow top was ruined and so was her dignity.

“(Y/n)!” Keegan called to try to go after her.

“Seriously Keegan,” Lindsey huffed, rolling her eyes. “She’s an immature young girl.”

That night (Y/n) spent at home crying in her bed.

From there on out (Y/n) knew she needed to improve her life to bring in some happiness. So, she bought the house beside her parents which was a two story very spacious house and purchased a new vehicle upgrading from her first car to a better car. These small upgrades improved her mentality knowing she could provide for herself and didn’t need anyone’s help.

“Okay, uncle Elias birthday party,” (Y/n) hummed in the jeep as she drove Murray and her to the party.

(Y/n) was now 24 and Murray 15. The two had become so close but all the Merrick kids were close even Ryker who was 5 and very much energetic.

“Chalking this up to be worse than it will.” Murray smiled softly.

“I just know Lindsey and Keegan will be there.” (Y/n) uttered as she looked at Murray. “Can you blame me, I’ve avoided those two for two years ever since Lindsey dumped that wine on me.” (Y/n) said softly.

“And Keegan should have set her in place then, yes, but…” Murray trailed off. “You should have stayed back and defended yourself.”

“Murray I’m not like you, sadly I am very docile.” (Y/n) pulled into the venue as she saw her mother and father unbuckling Ryker from his car seat. He carried his kangaroo toy as he was greeted by Hesh and Logan happily.

(Y/n) pulled her recon up beside her fathers hummer as she and Murray got out wearing beautiful dresses.

“Oh darling, you helped Murray with her make up.” Beth, their mother hummed as she cupped Murray’s face. “My gorgeous girls.”

“Very beautiful.” Their father, Thomas Merrick kissed their foreheads.

“Thank you,” they said in unison as (Y/n) smiled and Murray got bashful.

They walked into the venue with Hesh and Logan as (Y/n) chatted with the men.

“Hey Keegan and Lindsey just made it.” Hesh hummed as he watched the two walk towards the venue.

“Great,” Logan hummed, rolling his eyes.

(Y/n) and him were bringing the same energy it seemed.

The only difference was (Y/n)’s heart hammered in her chest when she thought about Keegan, she knew for a fact Logan’s didn’t…or maybe it did. The walkers and Keegan had this bro-mance going on, so maybe there could be some heart hammering going on there.

She glanced back seeing Lindsey in a bubble pretty chiffon dress. It was surely Lindsey’s style. (Y/n) couldn’t help but look at her backless satin cowl dress. Was it appropriate for a birthday? Lindsey looked good and she felt she was now not appropriate.

“You look gorgeous sweetheart.” Uncle Elias hummed to her.

“Thank you uncle,” she hugged him. “Happy birthday.” She smiled brightly.

“Happy birthday uncle.” Murray smiled as she laughed. “Getting older.”

“I’m afraid she’s not wrong.” Elias laughed, it erupted deep from within his belly. It was contagious as well as the girls laughed with him.

“50 looks good.” (Y/n) teased gently.

“And 40 looks good on your father.” Elias teased.

“Yeah.” Murray rolled her eyes as she walked off to go torment their father.

“Enjoy the party your mother insisted we throw.” Ellis laughed as he greeted other guests.

(Y/n) looked around taking a deep breath as she tried to stick to the buddy system. She didn’t want to give Keegan the ability to approach you. But it was too late when she could hear his soothing voice.

“Hey you,” his hand rested on the middle of her back as he leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Looking great.” He whistled quietly. His icy eyes looked her up and down as he smiled at her.

The flirting confused (Y/n), was he interested or was he just teasing.

“Oh…” she stammered, “thanks.” She nodded as she held the bottle of wine in her hand and gulped the glass of wine down quicker. “How are you…two?” She corrected herself shifting nervously as she looked for her 15 year old sister. Maybe Murray could help her escape.

“We’re…good.” (Y/n) heard the same hesitation she had in his voice. “We’re doing good.”

The two made some small talk as they caught up. More like, Keegan catching up and (Y/n) trying to devise a plan to escape. She couldn’t escape though yet.

“So…um…are you seeing anyone?” Keegan asked as you glanced at (Y/n).

She felt her heart stop beating. Why was he asking? Why did it matter? She tried to formulate a few words in her head. Yeah she talked to a few guys here and there, but she didn’t actually talk to anyone. It never went further than texting, no dates no nothing.

“Oh…” this was awkward and she knew it. She licked her lips and fixed her gaze to the bottle of wine she just finished in her hand. As a waiter came around Keegan grabbed two glasses, handing her one and taking the empty one from her, placing it back on the tray. She was about ready to down it again and maybe get a good buzz going on. Uncle Elias entirely went out too much at this party, waiters…what the hell? But then again they did have a big house in Los Angeles. “Thank you,” she uttered as she held the glass. She was cringing when she thought about her lack of dating. “No.” She shook her head. “No,” she confirmed again.

“Oh that’s good—I mean…” he looked away as he rubbed his neck nervously. “Oh there’s no fixing that.”

(Y/n) chose to blatantly ignore that comment. “It’s okay.” She said quietly.

“Listen,” Keegan started as he took a sip of the wine, finding it to be entirely not sweet enough, not like (Y/n) in this cowl dress with her whole back showing. He wanted to take a taste and see how sweet life with her could be. “Can I talk to you about something?” His hand rested on her back. “Preferably alone.” He whispered closer to her ears.

She felt the goosebumps form and her heartbeat erupt with giddiness in her chest. She closed her eyes and thought about it for a second knowing it wasn’t the best idea.

“Sure?” She said calmly but gave him a questioning look.

He gently took her arm as he guided her outside the venue to a set of benches.

The wind had a nice breeze to it as the hottest time of the year was upon them. The flowers around them bloomed creating an aroma that was delicious and calming. The two took a seat as they looked at the flowers, finding them to be more interesting then one and another.

“I need to talk to you about…” Keegan paused as he thought about how he wanted to say this. “Lindsey…” Keegan said softly as he fiddled with his hand.

(Y/n) did a spit take as she looked at Keegan holding her wine in her hand. To say she was surprised was not the words. Why was he asking her about Lindsey? The two weren’t close, anything far from close. They were like enemies who kept distance, like give them at least 20 feet in between each other. They did not want to be near one and another at all.

“What about Lindsey?” (Y/n) looked down at her clothes making sure she didn’t spill the red wine on anything she was wearing, It had all safely made it back into her cup which she was now disgusted to even look at so she dumped it in the grass and sat it aside. Needless to say she was more than embarrassed now that she had spit all her wine out.

“Just wanted your opinion,” Keegan wiped her cheek with his thumb taking a little dribble from her cheek. She flushed red as her eyes focused her gaze on a single budding flower.

(Y/n) picked up how quiet his voice was, as if he was afraid Lidsey would be right behind them listening to the two chat about the monster of a girlfriend she has become. (Y/n) didn’t like to define people by harsh words such as toxic, or monster…or asshole…but Lindsey deserved those titles with how she behaved with almost everyone…actually everyone. (Y/n) was pretty sure she didn’t even like Keegan just kept him around for the money and the other attributes that were favorable.

“You don’t like her do you?” Keegan broke the silence as he glanced at (Y/n).

Was it obvious? Was it? (Y/n) hoped not.

“My opinion doesn’t matter.” (Y/n) said calmly as she glanced at Keegan trying to gauge where he was with this relationship or with herself. She knew if she spoke her opinion she would either offend Keegan or who knows what. She couldn’t ever tell if his relationship or his thoughts with Lindsey were positive or negative. He often made her feel like they were negative, but she wouldn’t judge. “At least I feel it is irrelevant. Why? Are you planning something?”

“No, I am not,” Keegan shook his head as he fidgeted on the bench. “And your opinion does matter. That's why I am asking.” He paused as he almost looked exhausted. “You know I care about you and your opinion.” Did he? Did he really care about her opinion, did he care about her? If he did, she was sure after that wine being dumped on her two years ago would be the end or if not close to the end. The berating from Lindsey should have ended too, but here she was still getting slandered by the drama and insecure queen.

Slay girl, slay your enemies with your harsh words you poet.

His pause ended as he glanced back at (Y/n) fixing his tie. “I guess…I want to know why you don’t like her, honestly?”

Why (Y/n) didn’t like her? Seriously?…seriously! (Y/n) was about to lose her mind.

Slay, girls, slay dumb men who don't realize their agitating girlfriends were the problem. Now she was wondering who the fault landed on for her avoiding the two of them…Probably (Y/n)! Unbelievable! Was this gaslighting at its greatest or was Keegan just that dumb.

“This is seriously the opinion of a matter you wanted?” (Y/n) scoffed, getting a little hurt by the accusations when she had tried too many times in the past to become that…witch’s…lovely woman's…friend…leave it at that. It’s better that way…right? Maybe at this point she was gaslighting herself.

Keegan sighed as he ran a hand through his dark locks. His icy blue eyes landed on her as he looked at her carefully. “Yes.” he uttered quietly, eyes locking on hers as he appreciated her opinion. Not like he didn’t just assume she hated Lindsey…not that his assumption was wrong. But that's beyond the point! Gasp! How dare he! A man assuming, terrible! The mockery! “I want to know your opinion on Lindsey. I want you to have an open mind here, and tell me honestly why you don't like her.”

“Well Keegan,” (Y/n) felt like she was stuck in a tough place between two rocks. Honestly she wished the rocks would mash her and leave her a flatten bloody mess, but she wasn’t that lucky. Honesty…best policy…sure. Scoff!

She fiddled with her hands as she had a lot of trauma when it came to lindsey. The woman had a vendetta against (Y/n). (Y/n) was sure that if she and Lindsey lived during the Salem witch trials, Lindsey would be the one pointing at (Y/n) screaming "Witch!” and acting out like a buffoon possessed by a demon. (Y/n) at that point probably wanted the escape that trial would bring her…sinking…hanging…all just to get away from Lindsey. Heaven, whoo-hoo!

(Y/n) took a deep breath as she prepared to answer the question honestly. “You have to understand,” (Y/n) started slowly. “I have tried to connect with Lindsey, even tried to get her to like me, we just aren’t compatible Keegan.”

Keegan raised an eyebrow confused. (Y/n) saw and she knew he was about to make a comment and she was going to get upset. “What do you mean you've tried ‘to get her to like you’?” His brows furrowed.

Female rage was making her want to shave them off and ruin his attractiveness. The thought was there and so was the motive.

“You have never even given her a chance…” Oh that was it! That was a ticket to manhood without eyebrows.

“Excuse me!” (Y/n) stared at Keegan flabbergasted by his assumptions and accusations. “I beg you to repeat that one,” (Y/n) shifted to face him with a look of absolute disgust on her face. She was about to walk away and say this was a waste of her time…don’t let her fool you, she was too nice. Her ass stayed where she was.

“You haven’t ever given her a chance.” Keegan said shifting so his knees touched her. If the two weren't about to enter an argument they would have been giggling like schoolgirls, but this was war now. “When have you made an effort?” His voice was soft but firm. She watched as he crossed his arms giving her a stern look.

What was this, her father disciplining her? Hell no, he did not just do that!

She was putting her foot down and being firm. Yep, it was happening.

“No, nope.” she shook her head. “Sorry, but I am not doing this here, and I’m not doing this at all.” (Y/n) nodded. The freedom of saying what she felt was freeing. “I don’t feel comfortable and I am not having this discussion.” (Y/n) nodded as she took a deep breath letting it out. “You seem to think I have never ever welcomed Lindsey, but I have.” she stood up as her words were deep rooted with honesty. “I am not going down this rabbit hole, nope.” she shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

Keegan stayed quiet for a few seconds as he tried to decide what to say or how to proceed with this information. If (Y/n) knew Keegan—and she did—she knew he would choose to voice his anger rather than reason with her and see her point.

“I never said you didn’t welcome her, I just said that you never made an effort to get to know her.” His voice was firm and she knew he was trying to make up an excuse for his girlfriend. She could tell she was borderline frustrated with this conversation. She started to text Murray for help, she needed it fast too.

“Keegan, I have tried.” (Y/n) defended herself, but she knew if this conversation continued this friendship would be even more fractured if there was a chance of saving it.

“Got your emergency text!” Murray trotted over and paused looking at Keegan and (Y/n).

(Y/n) felt doomed. She wanted to hide in the bushes. The whole thing about an emergency text was not to announce it to the person who she was trying to run from.

“Thank you Murray,” (Y/n) sassed. “You're not supposed to say out loud, to him, or I, that the text I sent you was an emergency text. Now he knows I am trying to escape this conversation.” (Y/n) groaned. “Thank you.” she rubbed the bridge of her nose.

Keegan let out a quiet scoff as he looked between her and Murray. “So you do plan on avoiding this conversation…” he said in a low, firm voice that leaked frustration and anger aimed right towards (Y/n).

(Y/n) knew now this friendship was dying. Something no one ever expected. She wanted to cry so badly but as a queen she was—she never shed a single tear in front of him.

“Why are you so hellbent on never letting me know your true feelings for Lindsey?”

(Y/n) blew a breath out her lips as she felt the frustration seep into her emotions as well.

“I am so hellbent on not trying to ruin the last little bit of this friendship we have left!” she let the frustration show. “Because, newsflash—” she raised her hands in the air in despair. “You won’t ever listen to a single word, a single ounce of what I say. You act like it matters, but it doesn’t.”

“Not that I have a say,” Murray shrugged. She was so chill and nonchalant while the two friends argued. “She has tried to be friends with Lindsey, but Lindsey wants nothing to do with it.”

Keegan’s eyes narrowed as he scoffed at the two siblings. “A little biased, Murray.”

“My bad,” she rolled her eyes.

“It’s just biased ‘cause it's the truth and you don’t want to hear it.” (Y/n) scoffed.

“Alright, okay,” Keegan stood up abruptly, getting a bit more irate. It was becoming a bit threatening now. “What do you mean she wants nothing to do with a friendship? Hmm?” Now he was just being an asshole. (Y/n) wasn’t going to take it and she wasn’t going to let Murray see it.

“Nope, done.” (Y/n) said as she put a hand on Murray’s shoulder guiding her out of the little garden area. “Sorry for ruining your night Keegan.” Her words were bitter as she shot him a glare. Murray slipped out of (Y/n) grasp as she stood back for a second looking at Keegan as he glared at (Y/n) walking away for the betterment of herself.

“She has tried, Keegan, but if anyone is the problem, it’s lindsey.” Murray nodded as she shrugged.

Keegan let out a little huff as he shook his head, clearly agitated. “And what do you mean Murray? What could Lindsey possibly have done to stop a friendship from happening?”

“How about…” Murray paused for sass and dramatics. “Not even wanting to be friends with my sister.”

“I don’t understand,” Keegan just didn’t want to believe it. He wanted to refuse, because if he believed it that meant Lindsey lied every single time. “Lindsey hasn’t done anything like that.” his confusion turned into annoyance towards Lindsey. “She would have told me if something like that would have ever happened.”

Murray scoffed as she shook her head. She found out he was blinded, that was the only answer she had. “Believe the peanut gallery, I believe my sister because I've witnessed it.”

Keegan scoffed as he glared at Murray. “Are you telling me that Lindsey lied to me and is continuing to lie to me?” Keegan asked, bewildered and clearly annoyed.

(Y/n) rushed back as she got behind Murray and started to push her back to the venue. “Sorry, so sorry.” She uttered a quick apology as she marched Murray away from Keegan.

“Wait! Hold on—” Keegan tried to keep you there for a second longer but you were good at escaping and evading and you had successfully done it the majority of the night since the argument.

Keegan knew you were avoiding him, he knew it right away when you left in the middle of a conversation…actually a sentence with Logan.

“She can’t avoid me all night…” Keegan mumbled with annoyance as he watched you in the distance talk to Ajax and his fiance, Sarah. His irritation was starting to turn into disbelief. How could you have avoided him every single chance he made to speak to you. He clenched his fists as he watched you laugh at something Sarah said.

He had eventually found himself staring at you all night from across whatever room he was in.

“She's really pretty,” Murray stuck her tongue out as he walked by with a cupcake in her hand. “Take a picture and put it on your shrine. It will last longer.” Now Murray was just pissing with him because she had the upper hand.

“Shut up,” Keegan huffed as his eyes watched you like you were the prey and he was the hungry predator.

“What was that about?” Lindsey asked as she sneered her lip at Murray. “She looks tomboyish like always.” she rolled her eyes clearly judging Murray for her physic and love for comfy clothes.

Keegan tensed up as he noticed Lindsey’s glare. “Leave her alone.” Keegan quickly defended. The Merricks had always been family since he grew up with (Y/n). “She’s just being an idiot, as usual.” He didn’t take his eyes off of (Y/n) as Logan asked for a dance making her laugh and nod her head in approval. He could tell she made a joke like she always used to with him.

“Now just understand, I may step on your toes. My father taught me, not my graceful mother.” And then she would giggle and smile with that pretty smile she had.

Logan had no right to see that smile or hear that giggle, the jealousy was forming. Not just in Keegan but also in Lindsay when she saw what Keegan was staring at. A sneer formed on her lips. She was jealous and (Y/n) brought it out the most knowing Keegan and (Y/n) had a form of something in the past.

“Are you serious, Keegan, seriously!” Lindsey scoffed as glared at Keegan. “Stop staring at (Y/n).”

Keegan’s eyes momentarily opened as he realized Lindsey had caught onto him staring at (Y/n). He averted his eyes from (Y/n) and glanced at Lindsey. It just wasn’t the same. There was no spark, no flutter. “What?” he asked feigning ignorance to his glanced to (Y/n) and Lindsey’s questioning glares.

“You seriously stare at her all the time!” Lindsey showed her frustration with Keegan. “Why don’t you go date her.”

Keegan blinked, caught off guard by the comment and accusations he was receiving.

“That’s not true, I don’t stare at her all the time.” He knew this would be a start to a new relationship feud between Lindsey and him. They argued all the time. He was trying to sound sincere to reassure her, but truly he was doing it to avoid a feud on the drive home…or before that. Lindsey had no qualms when it came to fights, she’d start them in the store, family events, or like this a party. “I don’t just stare at her all the time.”

“Sure, whatever Keegan.” she stood up as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. “I’ll just call my Ex. He was better than you in so many ways.” she rolled her eyes.

Keegan sighed, the constant comparison to her hunk of an ex…he was in jail. That's all that needs to be said for that one.

“Listen to me,” Keegan said with a soothing voice. His tone was soft and his eyes shifted to meet Lindsey’s. He was trying to just ice this over and hold the fights and the nasty comments off. “I don't stare at her all the time. I've done it maybe once or twice, that's all to it.” he shrugged as he gave her a charming smile. “You're overreacting.”

“I’m getting a drink,” she glared at him and huffed.

“And smoothing things over with her is no longer working.” Keegan uttered. “Why do I stay?” he shook his head. Keegan closed his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh, he was getting exhausted.

“Keegan,” a little quiet voice called out to the man. He opened his eyes and looked down seeing Ryker, the youngest of the Merricks. He was holding his little Kangaroo that Keegan had bought him when he and (Y/n) had taken the kids to the Zoo.

“Ryker-roo, and how is Rooney-roo?” Keegan cooed to the boy as he leaned down, coddling the boy with his thumb rubbing tenderly on the boy's neck.

“Not good,” Ryker uttered as he looked nervous.

“Oh, buddy,” Keegan cooed softly. “What's wrong Ryker-roo?” He tugged the kid closer as he kept him from the view of other people knowing he was fragile when he felt something was wrong.

“Can you help me clean my shirt,” Ryker pointed to the chocolate stain on his nice white dress shirt. Ah yes, the chocolate fountain had beaten the young toddler. “Mama bought me this shirt, it's nice.”

Keegan smiled as he picked the boy up. “Sure thing buddy.” Keegan patted Ryker’s back and then rubbed his thumb soothingly on Ryker’s back.

They walked to the family bathroom where Keegan sat the toddler down on the white sink. “Let me see the stain.” Keegan tickled Ryker.

The little toddler squealed and wiggled slowly, falling back as Keegan took advantage of the situation and blew raspberries on his little round belly.

“Kee-kee!” the toddler squealed.

“I've got you,” Keegan cooed sweetly. “What are you gonna do now!” Keegan tickled and then knelt down to blow more raspberries on his belly.

The door slid open as Keegan looked up seeing (Y/n) walk in shaking a tide stain remover pen.

“Eh?” she looked confused as she stopped shaking the pen. Her face flushed red as she thought about the many daydreams she had of having kids with Keegan. She looked away with a bright red blush on her cheeks. “Sorry, I heard ryker had a stain, I figured this would be easy to get rid of the stain.” She tried to calm her running thoughts. “Rumor mill said he would be here.”

Keegan rubbed Ryker’s chin as he chuckled. “Any help is welcome.” Keegan smiled.

She wasn’t avoiding him for some odd reason this time. It made his heart pitter in a special way.

He was quick to take Ryker’s stained shirt off as he handed it to (Y/n).

“Mama is going to be mad.” Ryker held onto his kangaroo.

“No she won’t ryker-roo.” (Y/n) cooed as she dabbed the pen to it.

“Mama gets mad when daddy has stains?” Ryker rubbed the kangaroo on Keegan’s shirt as he uttered something to Keegan.

“Oh, rooney-roo likes the smell of my cologne,” Keegan chuckled as his eyes crinkled in pure happiness. “Thank you Mr. Rooney-roo.” he made sure to tell the Kangaroo.

“May he have a bit of the man-perfume?” Ryker asked.

(Y/n) tried to hold on a laugh as Ryker called cologne man perfume.

“He may,” Keegan glanced at (Y/n). “Do you still have the travel one in your purse?” he asked, looking at the young woman.

“Oh yeah, I do.” (Y/n) reached into her clutch and handed it to Keegan. “I keep forgetting to give it to…Lindsey,” she hummed.

Keegan gave her a glance but shook it off as he didn’t want to start another argument like earlier. He took the perfume and grasped onto Rooney-roo as he gently sprayed the kangaroo down with his cologne. It was all the boy ever smelled when he was near Keegan, so Keegan knew it had become a comfort thing for the boy.

Keegan smiled as he knew it stemmed from the many nights of rocking him in his arms as they sat by the campfire or the sleepovers at the merricks house as the boy was snuggled up into Keegan’s side.

“Rumor mill spreads fast,” Keegan looked at (Y/n) as he handed her the cologne back. “Keep it.”

“Well, when it has Rykers cute little face behind it, it will spread fast, yes.” (Y/n) said softly smiling. “Thanks for trying to clean him up.” Her eyes twinkled as she had a sincere smile.

“Well…” he chuckled as he looked at Ryker taking the shirt back and helping the boy put it back on and tuck it in. “As for that…I tried.”

“That’s all that matters.” (Y/n) hummed, but the silence grew and the awkwardness kicked in. She looked at her nails as she tried to find something to occupy her mind.

“So,” Keegan started as he tried to make small talk. (Y/n) glanced at Keegan as she raised an eyebrow. “Enjoying the party?”

“Oh—yes.” She nodded her head. “Yes, yes.” She gulped hoping he would avoid the garden moment. “You?”

“It’s been decent so far.” Keegan nodded. He shifted his weight leaning against the counter. His eyes landed on you as he opened his mouth to say something, but stopped as (Y/n) spoke first.

“About earlier…” she trailed off as her eyes glanced at the stalls. “We have privacy here, with Ryker-roo.” She nodded to the toddler. “He keeps all my secrets.” She said smiling softly as she reached out with her pinky making a pinky promise with the toddler. “I wanted to explain about it earlier, I feel like you deserve some form of answer.” She paused. “Especially with the whole you thinking I never tried to make a bond between Lindsey and I.”

Keegan’s facial expression shifted slightly, a mix of mild surprise and curiosity, as he saw (Y/n) pinky swear with Ryker. He listened intently as she mentioned the earlier conversation. “I’m listening,” he said.

“I did try, for your sake, for a whole month.” (Y/n) uttered feeling ashamed for earlier. “I added her on social media and invited her out with the girls and she never did anything…never met me in the middle. She ended up taking my friends away from me.” (Y/n) said softly. Her eyes glanced at Ryker then slowly directed to Keegan. “It’s whatever, but I don’t want you to think I’ve always hated her, I tried for your sake…she just won’t budge.”

Keegan’s facial expression softened as (Y/n) explained her attempts to connect with Lindsey. He didn’t realize the extent that she tried to bond with his girlfriend.

“I never thought you hated her,” he said, his voice sincere. “But I guess I was still too caught up in thinking she was making an effort just like you were. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” (Y/n) uttered as she shrugged. “Though I should be honest with you. A month after you two started dating, she asked me to stay away, so I don’t try to step on her toes. So, if you see me less and less I’m just being respectful.” She felt she needed to be honest about that with Keegan, so he had an answer if anything ever happened.

Keegan’s expression changed to a mix of surprise and disbelief. “Wait, what?” he exclaimed in a surprised tone. “She asked you to stay away?”

“I cause problems,” (Y/n) nodded slowly as she pushed hair from her face. “Her words, not mine.” She laughed bitterly. “But it’s okay.”

Keegan furrowed his eyebrows, his expression turning into a mix of confusion and disbelief. “Cause problems? How in the world would you cause problems?” He asked, his voice carrying a hint of protectiveness.

“She’s insecure, but I get it.” (Y/n) hummed. “I’m a threat since she thinks we had a thing before her and you. My personal opinion, like you asked…earlier…” she puffed her cheeks out. “She’s not good for you. But that’s my opinion.” She waved her hands in front of her body to clarify things. “But in no way is it right for me to expect you to just end things, I would never ever ask for that. If you're happy then that’s what matters the most.”

He wasn’t happy, he was far from it. But how does he just come out and say it? It was something he struggled with and still don’t have the answer to.

Keegan’s eyes widened slightly as (Y/n) revealed her opinion of Lindsey to him. He was taken aback by how upfront she was with her thoughts.

He leaned against the counter and looked at her for a moment before speaking. “What exactly makes you think she’s not good for me?” He asked, his voice soft but firm, wanting to know the reasons behind her opinion.

“You're not the same person.” She said softly looking at him.

Keegan stayed quiet for a moment as he processed (Y/n)’s words. He could feel his heart sink slightly at the thought of him being a different person because of Lindsey. He knew one thing for sure: he was easily agitated since the start of his relationship with Lindsey.

He let out a soft sigh, his expression turning a bit solemn. “How so?” He asked in a softer tone, genuinely wanting to know how (Y/n) saw the change in him.

“Quick to anger, not happy…” she paused as she looked at Keegan. “The list can go on.”

Keegan’s expression softened as (Y/n) pointed out the changes in him since the start of his relationship with Lindsey.

He took a moment to gather his thoughts before speaking softly and with a slight hint of guilt and remorse. “I guess I have been more irritable and less myself lately…” he admitted quietly. “But I thought it was just the stress from work getting to me.”

“Can I speak up?” Ryker asked as he clutched the kangaroo in his hands.

“Yeah buddy?” Keegan said softly.

“I don’t like her either.” Ryker spoke up.

“It’s not that I don’t like her… I’m not even going to try. It’s fallen on deaf ears with Ryker it seems.” (Y/n) giggled as she scratched her cheek.

“Why don’t you like her, Ryker-roo?” Keegan asked as he smiled.

“Ryker,” (Y/n) hummed softly, reminding him of an important factor. “Just remember our opinions don’t matter, maybe she’s the most amazing woman when they're at home together.” She booped Rykers nose.

Ryker fiddled with his tie before Keegan fixed it for him.

“She doesn’t like kids and doesn’t like me,” Ryker said. “Said little kids are annoying. Am I?”

Keegan’s eyes softened as he heard Rykers reason for not liking Lindsey.

Ryker was practically Keegan’s best friend. When the two were together they were hardly irreparable.

“No bud,” Keegan leaned forward. “You're not annoying at all, you're amazing!” Keegan nodded his head. “You and Rooney.” Keegan rubbed his thumb over the boy's cheek smiling. “She’s wrong for saying that.”

“Keegan’s my best friend.” Ryker stumbled with his worlds.

“Yeah Ryker-roo,” (Y/n) giggled. “Looks like I've been replaced.” She nodded as her eyes twinkled looking at Keegan.

Keegan chuckled as he heard Ryker declare him as his best friend. “I wouldn’t say you’re replaced,” he said, his tone lighthearted. “It’s more like a shared first place.”

“I’ll just buy him more ice cream and more trips in the rubicon.” (Y/n) snorted.

“Oh,” Keegan’s smirked widened. “Bribery with ice cream and jeep trips, that’s not fair.”

Their teasing continued until they heard Rykers soft little sniffles indicating that the toddler was crying. He had Rooney-roo, snuggled close as he cried into the kangaroo plushie trying to take comfort in Keegan’s cologne that was on it.

“What’s wrong?” You asked softly caressing Rykers arm. “Buddy?”

“Ryker, buddy?” Keegan added as his thumb wiped away the young toddler's tears.

Both of their heart strings were pulled. They could clearly tell something was bothering the youngest. They just weren’t sure what it was.

“What’s bugging you?” Keegan hummed.

“Lindsey,” Ryker uttered as he pouted. “Please break up with her.” The waterfalls happened faster as Keegan winced.

Keegan froze momentarily as Ryker voiced his wish for him to break up with Lindsey. Hearing those words come from Ryker tugged at his heartstrings. He crouched down to Ryker’s level and looked at him with a mix of concern and understanding. “Ryker…” he said softly, his voice gentle. “Why do you want that?”

“You don’t come around anymore…” Ryker fiddled with the kangaroo.

Keegan’s expression softened further as he realized the root of Ryker’s wish. He reached out and placed his hand comfortingly on Ryker’s shoulder. “You miss me, huh?” he asked gently. “I know I haven’t been around as much lately, and is that why you want me to break up with Lindsey?”

(Y/n) watched carefully as she kept an eye on Ryker to see if he got any more distraught.

“Yeah and she says mean things and I think she’s terrible for you.” Ryker continued. “And you don’t play with me anymore…and I don’t want you to marry her.”

(Y/n)’s eyes softened as she realized Ryker was having a hard time with that fact that Keegan just stopped coming around.

“Ryker, we don’t have a say on Keegan’s relationship.” (Y/n) cooed softly. “We don’t have a say, that’s his decision and his life.”

Keegan looked at (Y/n) as she spoke to Ryker, her words filled with understanding and calmness. Then he looked back at Ryker, his expression a mix of compassion and reassurance.

“You know I would never marry someone who’s terrible for me, bud,” he said softly. “And I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much. But I promise, things will get better.”

He ruffled Ryker’s hair affectionately, a small smile on his face.

(Y/n) wasn’t sure what that meant, but Ryker took it as Keegan wasn’t going to marry her at all.

“So you're not going to marry her at all!” Ryker exclaimed.

Keegan chuckled softly at Ryker’s sudden perk up. “No, I’m not going to marry her,” he confirmed, his voice gentle. “We’re not at that point yet.” He reached out and gently pinched Ryker’s cheek affectionately. “But I wouldn’t marry someone my best friend doesn’t like, right?”

“Right!” Keegan scooped Ryker up in his arms and held him against his chest.

He smiled warmly at Ryker, his expression filled with affection and reassurance.

“You’re my best friend, remember?” Keegan said softly, giving him a gentle squeeze. “I wouldn’t do anything without your approval, bud.”

Keegan held Ryker in his arms, his focus solely on the young boy. He was determined to reassure Ryker and make him feel better.

He began to walk out of the bathroom, still carrying Ryker. “Alright, champ, let’s go get some ice cream and forget about all these worries for a while, yeah?”

(Y/n) left having a subtle feeling deep in her stomach that was far from over.

She wasn’t wrong. This was far from over.

Months passed and they were heading to Ajax and Sarah’s wedding. The ceremony was gorgeous and now the reception was almost as perfect.

Maury’s favorite topic to discuss right now was Keegan’s love life, since Lindsey was still around.

(Y/n) slowly helped Ryker out of the jeep as Murray hoped out of the front. Ryker had on a cute little tux with dinosaurs on the tie. Their mother had found it at the store and had to have it for the wedding. Ryker was too adorable though and a good model it seemed.

“Ten bucks he proposes.” Murray hummed as she fixed her hair. Her dress was silky and long enough to keep her warm in these slowly chilling temperatures as fall started to settle in.

“Mmm,” (Y/n) gave her a stern look. A warning telling her sister not to speak about that in front of Ryker.

“He promised me he wouldn’t.” Ryker hopped around like a kangaroo.

“Ryker-roo, no jumping around too much.” (Y/n) giggled. “Mama and papa don’t need your suit messy. We’re celebrating uncle Ajax’s wedding.”

Keegan was standing near the entrance of the wedding venue, engaged in conversation with some other guests. His sharp eyes scanned the area, and he spotted (Y/n), Murray, and Ryker approaching.

As he listened to your conversation, his lips curled into a small smirk. He chuckled softly to himself, amused by the ten-dollar bet and the fact that he was the subject of it.

“Ten bucks you’re gonna upset Ryker and I’m gonna make you pay.” (Y/n) teased Murray.

Keegan chuckled softly as Ryker scurried over to him and grabbed onto his pants.

He looked down at the young boy, his expression warm and affectionate. “Hey there, bud,” he said, his voice filled with affection. “Are you excited for the wedding?”

“Yeah,” Ryker showed Keegan his tie as he had Rooney-roo clutched tightly to his grasps.

“Look what I have for Rooney.” Keegan knelt down. “Gotta make sure he smells very spiffy.” Keegan held his cologne out.

“Keegan’s man perfume!” Ryker said excitedly.

“Man perfume,” Murray scrunched her face up.

“Cologne, it’s too hard for him to say…or remember.” (Y/n) smiled at Murray as the two girls laughed.

“Wish this was a no kids wedding,” Lindsey huffed as she walked past Ryker. (Y/n) heard the comment and knew, she kept her cool and smiled at Ryker. “Uncle Ajax wants you here, that’s all that matters.” (Y/n) reassured Ryker.

Keegan’s gaze flicked up as he saw Lindsey roll her eyes and walk off. He let out a soft sigh and looked down at Ryker, who was cuddled up to him. He tried to push away any irritation he felt towards Lindsey and focus on Ryker. He was trying to have a good night tonight. Not a shitty one.

“Still with her?” Murray asked as she stuck her tongue out at Keegan in a teasing manner.

Keegan chuckled softly at Murray’s comment. He shot her a playful eye roll and stuck his tongue out at her in return. “Yep, still with her,” he replied, his tone light-hearted, but a hint of resignation in his voice. “For now, anyway…”

“Save yourself some happiness.” Murray looked at Ajax. “Who do you look at like that, that’s true love.” Murray hummed watching Ajax look at his now wife.

Keegan glanced at Ajax and his wife as Murray spoke. He watched the way Ajax looked at his new bride with so much love and adoration. It was undeniable, and Keegan couldn’t help but feel a pang of envy.

He let out a soft sigh and turned back to Murray, a hint of longing in his eyes. “Yeah…that’s what true love looks like, isn’t it?”

“And who do you look at like that?” Murray teased. Murray knew the answer and the answer was (Y/n).

Though this came from the same teenager that thought Keegan had a shrine in his home for (Y/n). Honestly she still thinks Keegan has a shrine for her sister. Keegan in her eyes just seemed like the dude to have a random ass shrine. Yeah…sure, Murray.

He wasn’t…he didn’t…it was just Murray’s lovely imagination…and maybe a tad bit of creativity and anime.

Keegan chuckled softly as Murray teased him, knowing full well what she was getting at. He looked down at Ryker for a moment, a small, affectionate smile on his face. Then he looked back at Murray, playfully rolling his eyes again. “It’s a secret,” he replied, his tone light, but holding a hint of seriousness. “And it’s none of your business.”

“Ten bucks it’s big sister!” Ryker nodded as he held his hand up to Murray telling her to pay up and she did.

“You didn’t bring cash? Where did you get that twenty dollar bill?” (Y/n)’s eyes widened. She opened her clutch seeing her dollar bill missing. Her eyes watch the transaction occur as Ryker starts to show off his twenty dollar bill to Keegan. “That was my twenty dollar bill…” she frowned, looking at Murray then at Keegan. “…well not anymore.” She grumbled.

“They were very confident that you were the answer.” Keegan chuckled.

“Were we wrong?” Murray sassed.

“No,” Ryker said confidently.

“The confidence in these two.” Keegan hummed.

“I know my best friend!” Ryker nodded as he crossed his arms.

“That you do little man,” Keegan smiled.

“I’m gonna act like I didn’t just lose twenty dollars and I didn’t hear that.” (Y/n) said smiling as she walked off.

She went over congratulating Ajax and Sarah hugging them as she laughed and smiled in the conversation. The way her face crinkled up and her eyes sparkled was something Keegan couldn’t ever get used to. It made his heart beat faster. He couldn’t help but observe, especially when she was just that beautiful, along with her friendly attitude and her charismatic behaviors. Keegan had known from the start that (Y/n) was something special.

So much so that she had bought an engagement ring as soon as he graduated, having it sized to her ring finger right away. And if her finger changed sizes he’d size it up as soon as he could. That ring stuck right to his dog tags on a gold chain close to his heart knowing exactly who that ring was meant to be for.

It was always on him, Ryker when he was young and even to this day when Keegan held him the boy was playing with the ring fumbling with it in his hand. Ryker was the only one who knew who the ring was for.

Ryker was a good secret keeper, (Y/n) wasn’t wrong when she said that months ago in the bathroom as they cleaned Rykers white dress shirt off.

Keegan was awestruck by you, and it hadn’t gone unnoticed by Ajax or Sarah as they glanced over at Keegan smiling. He had to rein it in returning to his more neutral and casual expression as Ryker demanded to be picked up.

“I slept over at big sissy’s,” Ryker said as he grabbed the gold chain playing with the ring. “Sparkly.” He uttered.

“Yeah, buddy.” Keegan heaved the little toddler up closer as he smiled. “Don’t lose it, that’s sissy’s ring.” Keegan kissed Rykers cheek smiling. “Pretty girl deserves something if I can work my nerve up.” Keegan hummed.

He wasn’t ever going to get to work the nerve up…

Why?

Keegan—to keep Lindsey happy—proposed to her a week ago, and man was his gut swirling for it. He knew it was an instant mistake, but he just couldn’t take it back or change what he did. He felt like this was the right thing to do, but the worst thing to do all together. It was this constant back and forth.

He wanted to marry (Y/n) but here he was trying to marry some girl who only made him miserable. He knew there was no logic to explain this. There was none he could come up with.

The only thing that did make sense was he feared he’d be a terrible man for (Y/n) like she could do so much better, and that was wrong and everyone knew that.

“Why weren’t you at the sleepover,” Ryker asked as Keegan frowned slightly.

“Well, buddy,” Keegan tried to find the words for this. “Sometimes grown ups have other things to do.”

Murray rolled her eyes as she knew Keegan was avoiding the actual reason.

“Ryker, he’s still with Lindsey, she’s not gonna approve of something like that.” Murray was straight to the point.

Keegan felt a pang of annoyance at Murray's comment, but he tried his best to keep his expression neutral. He was trying to avoid making the boy in his arms upset.

He glanced up at Murray and gave her a firm yet subtle glare, silently signaling her to drop the topic. He didn’t want to have this conversation in front of Ryker, especially not here at Ajax’s wedding.

“Murray,” (Y/n) chided softly. “Sorry Keegan.” She shook her head and hummed. “Don’t want Ryker crying.” She reminded Murray. “That means Keegan’s relationship is off topic.”

He gave (Y/n) a small nod, silently thanking her for steering the conversation away. He knew that talking about his relationship with Lindsey would only upset Ryker, and he didn’t want to ruin Ajax’s special day. Not with his drama.

Ryker and Keegan made their way congratulating the newly wedded couple.

(Y/n) and Murray stayed back as the two looked at Ryker. “For Ryker’s sake,” you said softly to Murray. “Please leave Keegan’s relationship out of the conversations today.” She pleaded. “I know you don’t like Lindsey, none of us do, but if Keegan’s happy that’s all that matters.”

“But he’s not!” Murray huffed. “Don’t you see how he looks at you?”

“There’s nothing there, Murray, nothing.” (Y/n) shook her head. “We don’t live in a fantasy.”

“There’s something but you won’t even fight for it!” Murray uttered, exhausted.

“Nothing has led me to believe…” (Y/n) paused when you saw Keegan’s eyes on you.

Was there something there? No there couldn’t be, if there was he would have said something sooner…right?

“There’s something, because I’ve never seen a man look so madly in love like he does when he’s looking right at you,” Murray said softly, “like you're the stars to his moon.”

“It’s ridiculous.” (Y/n) tried to shake it off. But deep down she knew there was something brewing in those cold icy eyes. Something that wasn’t anything but a deep rooted admiration and love for something he wanted to hold close for the rest of his life. “Enough Murray, he’s with Lindsey.”

“But for once, go for your happiness.” Murray uttered.

“Murray,” (Y/n) chided. “Come on, enough. No teary eyes for Ryker today and if we keep having this conversation he’ll cry.”

"Yeah,” Murray sounded defeated. “Ryker adores Keegan," she said, a hint of sadness in her tone. "They have a special brotherhood bond that goes beyond just friendship. But it breaks my heart seeing how sad Ryker gets whenever Keegan’s relationship with Lindsey comes up. It's like he can sense the wrongness in it."

“I know,” (Y/n) hummed softly. “Nothing we can do.” She nodded.

Murray nodded again, her expression sad. "I just wish Keegan would see the truth for himself," she said gently. "He’s a smart guy, we both know that. But he’s being stubborn about this. He’s settling for something that’s not right for him, and it’s hurting everyone involved, especially you…and ryker-roo.”

“It’s not our life.” (Y/n) said softly. “I’m sorry Murray.”

Murray let out a soft sigh and nodded in agreement. "You’re right," she acknowledged. "It’s not our life, and we can’t force Keegan to make the decision that’s best for him. But it’s tough seeing him trapped in a situation that’s clearly harming him and the people he cares about."

“It’s something he has to figure out or deal with.” (Y/n) cooed. “He’ll figure it out.”

Murray nodded again, admitting the sad reality of the situation. "Yeah," she sighed. "Sometimes, people have to figure things out for themselves. But it doesn’t make it any easier watching.”

“I know.” (Y/n) said softly.

As the night progressed. Things took a turn no one had expected.

(Y/n) heart shattered as she stood bagging in a discussion with her parents and someone they knew.

“We heard the news, Keegan’s engaged.” The couple said as they talked to (Y/n)’s father and mother. “And here we thought it would be (Y/n) he would marry.”

She felt her lip wobble as she looked away quickly. She kept herself put together as she bottled her emotions up. Murray glanced at Ryker who had a deep set frown on his face.

“Ryker,” (Y/n) said, quickly getting down closer to his level. “Hey, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay!” Ryker started crying uncontrollably.

(Y/n) quickly scooped her little brother up as she rushed out of the reception heading straight to a quiet garden.

“It’s okay,” (Y/n) cooed as Murray followed. It wasn’t long before their mother and father had slowly walked to where (Y/n) and Murray were trying to console their little brother.

“He promised!” Ryker wailed.

Their mother quickly swooped in picking the toddler up and rocking him.

“Shh, shh,” their mother soothed them all as they listened. “Mama is right here.”

“Ryker knows he’s losing Keegan if he marries Lindsey.” Murray furrowed her brows. “That’s Ryker-roo’s apparent best friend.” She said bitterly.

“Murray,” their father said softly. “I know you're upset too, honey. You two have to understand that sometimes promises are broken when you love someone.”

(Y/n)’s eyes showed the hurt as Murray looked at (Y/n). She winced as she saw the look on her older sister's face, a heart clearly shattered into a million pieces is what it reminded her of.

“Love,” Murray scoffed as she was bitter.

(Y/n) sat down a fair distance from everyone as her body just felt like a lump of flesh and bones. Heart break, it’s as painful as it sounded. (Y/n) watched the people in the venue dance and be happy while she mourned the thought of a wedding. At one point she wanted to be a beautiful bride, but now she wasn’t so sure she ever wanted to love again, scorned by the loss of the person she truly did love, but apparently never returned it.

(Y/n) watched as Keegan trekked across the path that brought them underneath the big maple tree.

“Oh honey, why don’t you like Lindsey, she’s…very sweet.” Their mother hummed.

“Sweet.” Their father was sarcastic.

Keegan had heard as he slowed down. Even Thomas and Beth didn’t like Lindsey.

Keegan sighed quietly as he looked at the Merrick’s. He knew this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation.

“Doesn’t matter what they think, right?” (Y/n) laughed bitterly. “Right, all that matters is your happiness.” She hummed as her words almost didn’t sound true. Keegan could see her hurt, could see her anger, her own feelings of Betrayal. He could see the fake smile plastered on her face and the forced words to make it sound like she was happy for him.

“Yeah,” he muttered. “I’m happy all right.” His own voice lacked conviction.

“Convincing.” (Y/n) rolled her eyes as she glared at Keegan. He felt cold, that look had never been aimed at him that often but now he felt like he was getting it more often.

Keegan heard (Y/n)’s sarcastic remark and winced slightly, knowing he wasn’t fooling anyone, especially not her. Her ability to see through his pretense was both irritating and admirable. He tried to maintain a neutral expression, but the tension in his jaw betrayed his true feelings.

“Cut me some slack, would you?” he muttered, his tone laced with a hint of defensiveness. “I’m trying here.”

“Trying?” (Y/n) scoffed. She was broken, and so was her happiness, “that’s what you call this? Keegan, Rykers trying harder than you and he’s crying like the world is about to end.” She huffed. “Oh and for god sakes, maybe don't make promises you don’t plan on keeping.”

Keegan clenched his jaw as she called him out. He knew she was right, and her reminder stung. Seeing Ryker’s distress felt like a knife in his gut, and he hated himself for being responsible for it.

“Oh cut me some slack, Lindsey.” Keegan snarled. All eyes were on the two of them now as Thomas and Beth paused. (Y/n) and Keegan were snapping. Both of them were finally having a meltdown it seemed.

“Excuse me!” (Y/n) scoffed. “I—“

“Enough!” Her father shouted as he glared at the two of them. “Enough, just kiss or something?” He huffed. “Just don’t get Ryker all in a tizzy like he already is.”

Keegan and (Y/n) gulped as they uttered quiet apologies. They were both unchecked and soon reminded they were here for other reasons too, not their own.

Lindsey walked down the path with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

“Of. Freakin’. Course.” (Y/n) sat down on the bench, her eyes watching Ryker avoiding Keegan’s and everyone else’s eyes.

Lindsey rolled her eyes as she looked at Ryker scoffing. “He’s still crying, tell him to grow up or something.” She uttered, looking at Keegan.

“Really sweet, ya’know Beth, I can’t imagine any reason as to why our baby boy is crying.” Their father was sarcastic.

“Thomas.” Their mother chided.

“Good thing our wedding is a childless wedding.” Lindsey rolled her eyes.

“Why are you even here,” Murray looked exhausted as she shook her head.

“Maybe instead of being so cold, you could try having a bit of empathy.” Keegan retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm and anger. “It’s a wedding, not a heartless corporate event. It’s supposed to be a celebration not a funeral.”

“A funeral to your happiness, six feet below Keegan.” Murray shrugged. “Get used to it.”

“Murray, zip it!” (Y/n) looked surprised at her sister.

“Excuse me,” Lindsey paused as she looked at Murray. (Y/n)’s eyes widened knowing this wasn’t going to go well.

It was all silent as everyone looked at Murray. Some were proud looks, others were surprised.

(Y/n) felt her soul leave her body as Murray’s very defensive attitude showed its front. She wasn’t afraid to tell someone off, and here was the sass that came with it.

“When did little girls get a say in my relationship.” Lindsey snarled as she pointed a finger and then jabbed it in Murray’s chest. “Do you have any friends, little girl?”

“Alright hands off,” (Y/n) got in between the two. “Stop getting pissed because she's got a point.” (Y/n) rolled her eyes.

“You have a bitch of a sister, a crybaby of a brother, and what are you?” Lindsey had a bit of a sting to her words as (Y/n) looked at the woman a little pissed off that she had said those things about her siblings.

“Listen here,” (Y/n) started as she scoffed at Lindsey’s words. “You better stay in your lane or veer off the road here, you're barking up the wrong tree.”

“Yeah bitch!” Murray peered around (Y/n).

“Murray!” (Y/n) warned.

“Are you a crybaby like your little brother, look at him.” Lindsey mocked as she laughed.

“Lindsey enough,” Keegan pulled Lindsey back. He gritted his teeth at Lindsey’s comment, his eyes narrowing in anger. He knew Ryker could be sensitive, but calling him a "crybaby" felt like a cruel and unjust attack on a child. "Watch it,” he warned, his voice low and dangerous. "He’s a child, and he’s dealing with emotions he's never had to face before. Cut him some slack, for Christ’s sake."

“Oh Keegan, grow up.” Lindsey scoffed.

“Listen here, you better get her in check.” (Y/n) warned Keegan. “I don’t ever want to hear that shit coming from her mouth again.”

“And what would you do?” Lindsey mocked again. (Y/n) was feeling the ice breaking and Lindsey about to plummet into the frigid waters. She was ready to snap, these were her siblings.

“I’m gonna—“

“Enough!” Keegan snarled at the two of them.

“You listen here Keegan,” (Y/n) snapped as she glared at Keegan. “Get your dog on a leash, I don’t want to ever hear anything about my family from her mouth again, I don’t want her near, my siblings, I don’t want anything to do with her.” You were set in stone. “I’ll handle this peacefully, but after that, she’s not allowed anywhere near us,” (Y/n) was cold and collected which was more fearful than her being angered and raising her voice. Which might I say, no one has ever seen because this was her anger, cold and collected.

“I don’t want this family at my wedding, they're freaks and clearly assholes.” Lindsey said to Keegan.

“Didn’t want to be there anyways.” (Y/n) scoffed. “Seeing two idiots get married.”

“Don’t say anything more you’ll regret,” Thomas was in front of his oldest as Keegan looked at (Y/n) surprised. “Enough.”

“This is ridiculous.” Murray stormed off as she threw her hands up in the air.

“Oh please!” Lindsey scoffed. “You started the fight and can't handle it.”

Murray turned around as (Y/n) and Thomas quickly caught her from starting a brawl.

“To the car now!” (Y/n) pointed to the parking lot. “Go!” She barked orders as Murray froze and nodded her head rushing off as she wiped her eyes. “Keegan, stay away.” (Y/n) was cold. “Don’t ever come around, not if you're sticking with her.”

“(Y/n),” Keegan said quickly. “(Y/n)! Listen to me!” He shouted. “Don’t you walk away!”

“I said stay!” (Y/n) turned around as she had tears in her eyes. “I mean it.”

Keegan’s heart shattered in a million little pieces as he stopped walking after her.

“She'll cool off Keegan,” Their mother hummed as she held Ryker.

“I’m not cooling off,” (Y/n) turned around. “I’m tired, I’m tired of this drama she starts.” (Y/n) pointed at Lindsey. “Yeah, Keegan, here you go.” She jabbed her own chest. “I don’t like her, newsflash, she’s toxic as hell! No I don’t want to be her friend, and no I don’t want to try and be her friend.”

“Your being—“ Keegan tried.

“Don’t start!” (Y/n) glared at Keegan. “Don’t start.” She nodded her head. “I don’t care who you pick over who, I don’t care if you hate me, but don’t you think what you ever did was right. I hate who you have become.” With that being said she stormed to her Jeep.

The first thing Thomas and Beth noticed with Keegan is how broken he looked. His eyes glanced at Ryker and then to (Y/n) as she walked off. It was almost like a bit of light from his life was leaving as she walked away.

“Keegan,” Lindsey uttered as she looked at her fiance. There was a storm brewing in her eyes. Keegan could tell.

The thing about Lindsey is she was emotionally abusive, and it started to take its toll on Keegan. It started to affect his well being. At this point he wasn’t even sure he wanted to do this anymore, and that was understandable. He didn’t want to constantly be compared to the ex boyfriend who wound his way up in prison. He didn’t want to be compared to every other man Lindsey found attractive, playing a manipulative game. He was just…done, he was at that point.

Beth and Thomas just watched, noticing the woman grip the silver ring on her finger and threw it at Keegan. The cold metal made a twinkling sound as it was tossed onto the brick getting lost in the bushes behind them. It wasn’t an expensive ring, it didn't have an expensive stone in it. Not like the one that was around his neck. It had an expensive stone set in an intricate design.

It was clear from Keegan—as he didn’t go searching for the ring and left it there while also watching Lindsey storm off—that he didn’t want this relationship, he wasn’t one hundred percent into it from the beginning. It was just to appease the emotionally abusive girl he did not know how to escape from.

“Keegan,” Beth uttered as she held Ryker.

“I didn’t love her,” he uttered. “A lot of things you two don’t know.” He said. “A lot of things no one knows.” He uttered.

Both of them stared at Keegan seeing the man almost relax but stay on edge. It was an odd thing to see, almost like one thing of stress left but another formed.

Thomas knew what was swirling in those icy blue eyes.

“Go talk to her,” Thomas nodded as he looked back at the parking lot. “She’s stubborn, but if I know my oldest, she’ll listen.”

Keegan stood there for a second contemplating whether he should or not. His feet started to move in that direction and soon enough he found his way to where (Y/n) was sitting on a bench watching the trees blow in the breeze. Keegan could see her shiver as he took his jacket off gently setting it around her shoulder as he knelt down securely wrapping it around her.

Her eyes glanced at him. He had taken his tie off at some point and his dog tags and a gold chain with a ring on it dangled in her view.

“I’m an asshole,” he started softly.

“No, you're just a daft idiot.” (Y/n) said as her eyes finally met his,

He chuckled as he nodded his head agreeing with her. “I know.” He smiled. “I am, no doubt about it.” He paused as he swallowed quickly. “I need to explain something.”

“You don’t have to.” She said quickly.

“No,” he shook his head, “I have to.” He nodded his head as his eyes showed all his emotions, he had to be open with her, open about everything.

“Keegan I—“

“Please let me,” he cupped her face, wiping the tears away. “Don’t cry,” he cupped her face with both hands now as he rested his face against hers. “Cause I’ll cry, knowing I caused your pain.” His voice wavered a bit.

She felt her heartbeat pick up as she wrapped her hand around his forearms unsure of what this conversation held. In her mind he was still with Lindsey, what fixing could there be.

Keegan had this whole thing rehearsed in his head, but let’s be honest, nothing ever went the way people wanted it to. Rehearsing did nothing because life oftentimes was unpredictable.

The reality of the situation weighed heavily on him, reminding him of the choices he had made and the consequences that came with them. The ache in his heart was undeniable, and the guilt weighed heavily on his conscience. He had an ache for her, he needed to make them right, he needed to fix this and marry the woman he loved so much it hurt.

He swallowed hard, pulled his hands away and took the gold chain off around his neck, slipping the ring into his hand.

(Y/n) watched, not entirely sure what was going on. This wasn’t Lindsey’s ring, hers was silver and basic. This was intricate, had words on the inside of the ring that said forever and always. She had noticed the birthstones on the side of the ring, one hers and the other his. She stared wide eyed at him. How long had he owned this? Why did he even have it? Was this what she thought it was?

His words pulled her out of all her questions that were running a mile a minute in her mind. They were surprising and quite frankly unpredictable, but Keegan could always be unpredictable at times.

“Marry me,” he uttered as he held the ring up between his index and thumb finger. The gold ring twinkled in the light. He looked up at her as she looked deep into his eyes. She took note of the tears in his eyes and the way he bit his lips keeping his emotions held back for a bit longer. She saw that his lips were wobbling and he wanted to cry right there and then, but for her sake he held himself together, if she answered either a yes or no, he knew he would cry either way.

He wanted to be happy, and she was his happiness.

“Keegan,” she uttered. Her eyes flickered to the ring and then to him. She had her worries like Lindsey. “Aren’t you…Lindsey?” She couldn’t finish the sentence very well as it was chopped up.

“No,” he shook his head. His voice quivered as his eyes set on her. “No Lindsey, should have left her a long time ago.” He nodded as his lips wobbled. “I messed up but at some point I would have woken up.” He sniffled. Keegan's icy blue eyes pleaded with (Y/n), silently begging for her understanding and acceptance. The vulnerability and determination etched on his face were clear as day.

He took a crouched closer to her, his voice trembling with a mixture of emotions. “Please, (Y/n). I know I messed up, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but marry me, please. Make me the happiest man alive.” He paused as he looked at her. His voice cracked even worse as he spoke. “I love you."

Keegan's large hands cradled her face tenderly, his touch gentle yet protective. His eyes searched hers, pleading for her to understand his sincerity.

(Y/n) lips wobbled as emotions raged within her, torn between the love she still harbored for him and the pain of his choice to marry someone else. Despite this, her hands instinctively intertwined with his, holding onto them tightly.

“I had this ring sized a long time ago…to fit your ring finger .” He had to pause as his voice cracked showing his emotions as the tears fell softly into his cheeks.

“Mine…”she stuttered, surprised at the ring.

Keegan smiled warmly at your attempt to lighten the "Yes, yours," he confirmed quietly, his voice filled with sincerity. "It's always been for you. I got it for you years ago, intending to propose when the time was right."

Keegan noticed the way her lips trembled, a clear indication of the tumultuous emotions within her. He could see the pain and confusion etched on her face, and it tugged at his heartstrings.

He gently caressed her cheek with his thumb, his touch tender and caring. "Please say something," he murmured softly, his voice laced with vulnerability. “Tell me you hate me or love me, that you’ll marry me.” He begged a quiet sob escaping his lips.

(Y/n) could see his own rough waters going on within himself. The two were struggling at the moment with words and emotions it seemed.

“Yes.”

Keegan's eyes widened when he heard the word "yes" escape (Y/n)’s lips. He had hoped for her forgiveness and understanding, but he hadn't dared to hope that she would consider saying yes to him. He knew he didn’t deserve it, but he was so grateful and happy to have it.

A mixture of emotions washed over him - from relief to disbelief to elation. His heart pounded in his chest as he looked at her, his voice barely above a whisper. "Really?" he asked, hope glimmering in his eyes.

“Yes really,” she cried.

Keegan's heart soared as he heard (Y/n)’s confirmation with her tears of joy. The weight of guilt and uncertainty that had been weighing on him was suddenly replaced with a sense of relief and happiness.

He pulled her into a tight embrace, his arms encircling her with a mix of tenderness and protective strength. He held her close, as if afraid to let her go, and whispered in her ear. "I love you," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion.

“I love you too, you big idiot.” Her voice wavered.

The sudden outburst of cheers from wedding guests and (Y/n)’s family took the two of them by surprise. For a moment, they had forgotten that there was the possibility to have witnesses to this intimate moment between the two.

"You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear that," he confessed, his voice filled with vulnerability. Keegan slipped the ring onto her finger, but as soon as he did that she wrapped him into a deep hug as she kissed his cheek.

Keegan returned (Y/n)’s embrace, wrapping his arms around her in a warm and comforting hug. He held her close, feeling a surge of happiness and contentment wash over him. He nuzzled his face into her hair, inhaling her familiar scent. “I’m never letting you go,” he whispered quietly, his voice filled with a mix of tenderness and possessiveness.

“Don’t want you to,” she said softly.

Keegan’s heart skipped a beat at her words, his smile growing even wider. The simple acknowledgment that she didn’t want it any other way meant the world to him.

He gently caressed her face with his hand, stroking her cheek tenderly. “You’re my everything,” he murmured quietly, his voice filled with sincerity. “I can’t imagine my life without you.”

“Well then,” (Y/n) giggled softly as she leaned in closer to his lips. “It’s a good thing you woke up.”

He chuckled as he leaned in and kissed her softly. “A very good thing.”

[faytelumos]

I'm trying to write a thing (probably only in my head, let's be realistic) and so I have some thoughts?

Sunshine x Grumpy prompts

(specifically a dommy Sunshine and a subby Grumpy, but read/swap these as you will)

Meetings

- They physically bump into each other in the street. Sunshine is trying to gather up Grumpy's stuff and straighten them out, but Grumpy is just trying to get away from Sunshine's overpowering energy.

-> Then afterwards, Grumpy is the one who keeps thinking about the encounter.

- There are no rooms left in the hotel/inn. Sunshine overhears Grumpy all but begging for any kind of room at all, and offers to share theirs.

- Every day, Grumpy walks past Sunshine dancing in a slightly inconvenient place (like a sidewalk or in front of a coffee shop). Eventually, they start watching Sunshine briefly when they come across them. Then, Sunshine makes direct eye contact and motions for them to dance, too.

-> Grumpy may not dance with them, but maybe Sunshine decides to make it their life's mission to tease out the dance moves in Grumpy's heart.

- Grumpy notices Sunshine gently handling a disliked/misunderstood animal. They instantly wonder if Sunshine would be willing to handle them (disliked and misunderstood as they are) so gently.

- People generally assume Grumpy is cruel/brutish in a fight. But when Sunshine sees them being merciful and diplomatic in the face of conflict, their heart goes all aflutter. They must not let this wonderful person slip through their fingers.

Acquaintances to Friends/Lovers

- They know each other only in passing, and Grumpy assumes Sunshine to be a total ditz. But when a fight between strangers breaks out in a tight space, Sunshine rushes into the fray to break it up. (Maybe the sight of Sunshine being strong and capable does something to Grumpy.)

-> Alternatively, it could be an emergency/crisis that Grumpy or another stranger are having (such as choking on something, a severe allergic reaction, or an illness or injury taking a sudden turn for the worse).

- They work together, and Sunshine has been making their way around the workplace day by day, doing something happy and cheerful and everything for each person. Grumpy is dreading the day it's their turn.

*Relationship Intensifies*

- Sunshine is a terrible cook. Grumpy pulls out the apron and shows them a thing or two.

- Sunshine opens up about their dark past during a quiet moment. It is remarkably (even freakishly) similar to what Grumpy went through.

- Sunshine notices that while Grumpy's actions say, "Do not perceive me," their body language screams, "I need you specifically to hold me."

- Over the past few weeks/months, Sunshine and Grumpy have been spending more and more time together. Right as Grumpy starts to feel comfortable opening up, they realize… Sunshine actually doesn't talk about themself. Practically at all.

After Dark

- Grumpy is too nervous/self-conscious to initiate, even though being with Sunshine is all they've been thinking about for the past ten minutes.

-> Sunshine miraculously notices and treats Grumpy so sweetly that Grumpy almost breaks.

->-> Or they do break, and Sunshine's happy to pick up the pieces afterwards.

- Sunshine's "I'll get a smile out of you yet!" attitude shifting into "You're mine and no one will ever hurt you" when things get hot.

- Grumpy's "I refuse to burden people with my presence" attitude becoming "Please, I need every last piece of you" when things get going.

- Grumpy and Sunshine have to switch roles a little when Sunshine drops after they're together.

[neo-the-indigo]

ANALYSIS/SPECULATION/OPINION TIME! (again)

So I've been thinking about Despair Time (again), specifically Teruko's animosity for David. It got me thinking, since I haven't seen many people mention this.

Why exactly, does Teruko hate David?

(Spoilers for literally the whole fangan. This is gonna be kinda long, so hang in there.)

Quick disclaimer: Some of the stuff in this post is based purely on what I have observed, so let me know if I miss something somewhere. Thanks :)

There are 2 other reasons why I think Teruko hates David, so I will list those reasons before I mention the main reason.

David's "entire personality" (Teruko's words, not mine) is "fake".

I mean, Teruko says this almost verbatum in the 2nd trial, based on her first interaction with David.

To me, this is a weird (but valid) reason to hate somebody.

(I'm not putting the pictures for Teruko's first interaction with David because we've all seen that lol)

2. David throws Teruko under the bus in the first trial.

The whole cast does, really, but David starts it. This is a more valid reason to hate David, in my opinion. David is the first person to be suspicious of Teruko's testimony (because he's a Xander simp, obviously).

This comment sparked the whole idea that Teruko was the killer, and once David said this, the rest of the cast (except for Eden) jumped on the bandwagon.

And after everyone but Eden sided with David, he was the first to accuse Teruko of murder. I'm aware that they had been discussing this before the trial began, but David is the first person to outright say this.

Though both of these reasons are valid, I don't think either of these are the main reason.

So, what's the main reason then?

Teruko hates David because she doesn't understand why he puts on the "nice guy" facade.

Teruko, from what I've seen, has a hard time understanding why David does what he does. I also believe that Teruko is nearly incapable of understanding why David's "entire personality" is fake, and doesn't really see how he (seems to be, based on what I've observed) conditioned to do so.

Here are some possible reasons why she might have some trouble understanding David's perspective.

Teruko's background/lack of talent.

As we all know, the Ultimate Lucky Student talent isn't a real talent, rather this talent exists because of winning a special lottery (according to canon Danganronpa, but for this I'm assuming that it works the same in DRDT universe.)

Unlike Teruko, the rest of the cast are real Ultimates, meaning that a LOT of people are watching them closely, expecting nothing short of the best. This especially applies to people like David and J, who are (in J's case, was) in the public spotlight constantly. Because David has millions of fans, he feels he has to put on a fake persona to appease them, when in reality, that's not his real personality. It's possible that David, like J, has been in the spotlight since he was young, and was conditioned to hide who he really is to appease other people.

Teruko, on the other hand, is a nobody, and doesn't have to deal with any kind of social expectation/pressure. No pressure from parents (since she's an orphan), and because she was constantly on the run, there was most likely no time to make room to please people when there were more pressing things to worry about like food and shelter. This is part of the reason why I think she's so blunt.

2. Teruko lives under a rock. (I love her, but she does.)

Now now, I mean this in an endearing way. Teruko seems like the type of person who couldn't name a celebrity if she tried, because like I said previously, she had bigger fish to fry. What tells me this is her reaction to J's secret reveal in Chapter 2, as well as what Levi and Arturo said to her during that time.

Out of the entire cast, Teruko was the only one who didn't know who J was (as a celebrity).

Based on both Levi and Arturo's comments, I can assume that not knowing who Mariabella Rosales is is pretty similar to not knowing who Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson or Beyonce are. So yeah, Teruko is 100% clueless about celebrities. Her own reaction says this too.

Yes Teruko, being a child celebrity is a big deal, and so is being revealed as the daughter of the most recognizable name in the nation.

Now, what does this have to do with Teruko understanding David?

Thing is, David is a celebrity just like J is, obviously. Biggest difference between them is that he is always in the public spotlight, while J successfully avoided the press. Like I've said previously, David puts on a fake persona because of his millions of fans that he needs to appease.

My point is, Teruko knows absolutely nothing about what celebrities have to deal with every day, so she doesn't think of their heavy influence on society and the constant pressure that they face. To her, being a celebrity isn't a big deal. This is great when it comes to treating celebrities like people, but not so much when understanding different perspectives.

Based on both of these reasons above, if David were to tell Teruko what he goes through as a celebrity, based on her background and limited knowledge of what celebrities go through, I'm not sure that she would understand. There would be a lot of questions in that area.

I don't think Teruko is dumb, but just not knowledgeable in that area. I honestly really hope Teruko and David's dynamic improves and that they can understand each other more (this is unlikely, but a girl can only hope.) Their dynamic is the most interesting to me, and I wanna see how it develops over time.

Tell me what y'all think. I totally did not spend 3 days on this (lol).

[hobiebrownismygod]

Miles G. Morales isn't "cold"

So...I see lots of people characterizing Miles G. Morales as a cold, arrogant "bad-boy" in their fanfictions. But y'all this just isn't accurate if you want to write him carefully.

Note: Headcanon him how you want, this post is specifically for writers who want to write him as accurately to his character as possible! Think of it as a character analysis.

42-Miles was on screen for approximately two minutes. He says maybe 5 or 6 lines, all delivered with very little emotion and in a fairly cold tone.

Its completely understandable that people would think he would be the "bad boy" type and would be a cold, arrogant person. HOWEVER-

Lets look into this more deeply.

First lets talk about the scene we got of him.

42-Miles ties up 1610-Miles to a punching bag. Where have we seen this before? Oh right-

1610-Miles did the exact same thing when he met Peter B. Parker for the first time.

These scenes mirror each other extremely closely, with 42-Miles even talking in a deeper tone of voice the same way 1610-Miles talked in a slightly deeper tone when he was trying to present himself as more intimidating to Peter B.

So why is this significant?

42-Miles is putting on an act. He just met his doppelgänger, somebody who's wearing a spandex suit, showed up in his apartment and is overall just very creepy. Of course he's going to be a little reserved, of course he's going to be stoic and unemotional. We don't even know if the concept of the multiverse exists in this universe. For all we know, 42-Miles doesn't even know that multiversal travel is possible.

Lets talk about 42-Rio's reaction to seeing Miles-1610

When 1610-Miles shows up in Earth-42 and talks to Rio, she doesn't seem that put-off by him. She makes jokes with him the way the average mother and son do.

Why is this significant?

The difference in the characterization of 1610-Miles and 42-Miles is absolutely insane. People treat 1610-Miles like a baby and they treat 42-Miles like a full grown man. However, the reality is that they're both going to have very similar personalities.

Rio would have noticed her son's demeanor changing and probably would've said something about it. But she didn't seem put-off at all by the way 1610-Miles acted. She even brings up comic-con, which suggests that 42-Miles has talked about comic-con and is therefore a ginormous nerd.

This suggests that 42-Miles acts similarly to 1610-Miles at home. He's also a talkative, friendly kid who spends a lot of time with his mom, and thats why she didn't realize there was anything going on when 1610-Miles showed up.

He's not cold. He's the average, maybe slightly depressed, kid.

Let's talk about Peter Parker.

Every version of Peter Parker we've seen so far is pretty similar. Even Pavitr Prabhakar and Hobie brown have fairly optimistic vibes, cracking jokes and being fairly outgoing. Especially with their masks on, we can see that they seem like they'd be pretty fun to hang out with. None of them can be described as cold.

42-Miles was supposed to be Spider-man. He'd have the same personality. Maybe he'd be a little more reserved, a little more stoic, but he'd still be the lovable goofball Spider-Man is supposed to be.

Miles G. Morales isn't a gangster. He's a teenage boy in a bad situation. Write him as such and do justice to his character. He deserves it.

He's a goofball guys.

ART IS NOT MINE!!! MADE BY @xrandomxpostsx ON PINTEREST AND IS LINKED!!

[vampire-exgirlfriend]

You guys, what the fuck is up with the increase in stealing and plagiarising in this fandom lately? When did that become a thing that was okay to do?

The first time I was flat out plagiarized was almost four years ago in a different fandom. A well known author in that fandom took the first paragraph of a short one shot, one of the first things I’d ever posted and that I was incredibly proud of, switched a few words, and then used it as the summary for their slightly longer fic. They then went on to steal the premise of my ficlet and just…make it longer. This was brought up in a discord server a friend of mine was in that I wasn’t and the general consensus was “who would believe you? You’re nobody.” So I kept my mouth shut and I deleted my fic because seeing it made me feel like shit. Something similar then happened to a friend of mine with the titles of her fics being stolen, flat out and word for word, for the same characters. And again it was “no one will believe you.”

We shut up. We stuck it out. And then when it kept happening, to us and to others, we left that fandom.

I was so, so excited when HotD aired. I was back in my ASOIAF phase that had never actually ended. It was a new opportunity to make friends with common interests and my writing improved so much because of how passionate about the canon material I was. I have made some of the most incredible friends, like life-long, stay up all night talking, come to my house or let’s hang out when you’re in my state/country kind of friends. It’s pretty amazing. But this fandom is a whole different beast than any other I’ve been involved with. I have no idea if it’s the general age of the fandom, or the lack of prior fandom experience, or what us old people call the “tiktokifcation of fandom.” But it’s different. And while that’s usually a good thing, there are so many times when this has been awful. There is a huge lack of accountability here. People are stealing things. And the weirdest part is, they don’t care! It is plagiarism to have someone else's story opened while you write yours so that you can tone match the other writer. It is plagiarism to take people’s well thought out ideas and then use them beat for beat. I get it, it’s fic, nothing is wholly original, we are going to see idea recycling! That’s just fandom. But to model your entire story off of someone else’s is heinous. And it’s wrong. And this literally just happened to a very good friend of mine. When she mentioned she was uncomfortable with it and had blocked the person who did this, someone she considered a level headed mutual (who has recently admitted to plagiarising someone else themselves, mind you) told her that she was just drama baiting and didn’t have the right to be upset. The same thing happened to me with a now deleted creator who told me that she dragged me in her discord server and that her friends (all big name creators would essentially “black list me” for saying anything).

It’s not dramatic to not be okay with your work being stolen! This is a normal fucking reaction. In trad publishing or academia, this shit gets you banned, expelled, etc. It can ruin your life.

I received a slew of anons recently asking for help with graphic making and editing. And I was so excited about them. That shit is fun for me. We chatted for a while, with them on anon, and that was that. Until I got an anon letting me know that the person I was talking with was someone who had stolen ideas and storylines from me and other creators. So I looked, I asked friends to look, and the consensus was “yeah, this is fucking plagiarism, and it’s weird.” All of the edit stuff she’d asked about was used on an edit that was a direct rip off of my own. But I elected to not make a thing of it, to ignore it, to wash my hands of it because of the weird fucking trend of calling out theivery being labeled as drama baiting. And I didn’t want that, not after I had genuinely made the mistake of thinking that someone had stolen an idea from me when they hadn’t (calm down, we’re really close friends now). This person deleted their old blog and so I thought it was over. And then yesterday I got a dm from this new blog I didn’t even know existed accusing me of sending them harassing anons.

A blog, who had stolen from me and at least four other people, who had reached out to me on anon for help and ideas, that at this point I didn’t even know existed anymore, said they knew I was sending hateful anons accusing them of theft. I wasn’t, of course, because I had no idea they even existed, and it made no sense that I would even know they’d created another blog. I only found out about their new blog when they dm’d me from it. But they had obviously done this to enough people that they were now getting called out on it.

You guys, we have to fucking stop acting like this. This fandom needs to stop stealing from each other and eating our own. And if someone brings up that they’ve had an idea stolen, we need to take them seriously instead of insinuating they’re only attempting to cause drama. Stop sending people unhinged anons because you feel like you’re guilty of lifting from another creator and just work on creating something original. Writing is hard. Giffing and making edits is fucking hard. And no, nothing will ever be 100% original, that’s just impossible at this point, but stop fucking taking things that aren’t yours and claming them as your own. Do better. Grow up.

[vaccariia]

Omgg I love your keyframes fanart, your mc is sooo pretty <333. I need to hear your thoughts on Elio !! (If you feel like sharing ofc, I've been obsessed with him and i wanna know what other people think lol)

M.....MY FIRST ANON ASK????!?!? MY MC IS PRETTY?? AND A FELLOW ELIO FAN????? THANK U!!!!!

anon, you are opening the metaphorical pandora's box in me. i played the extended demo a few more times because i wanted to see elio again FOR RESEARCH so i think i'm ready to put my thoughts into paper

(Uhhh disclaimer, this is my first time doing something like this, normally i just keep my thoughts to myself. So everything under here is merely speculative and things i made up LOL)

(Also I took some screenshots and used them to reinforce some of my statements. Game and characters are not mine, they belong to blank house, etc. etc. please do let me know if screenshots are not allowed, i'd be more than willing to remove them from this post!)

______________________________________________________________

I want to begin by citing a post from the devs . Said post contains an ask summarizing the LI's into three words. For Elio, he's given the following descriptors:

Sweet, sensitive, wild Determined, hopeful, friendly

(First line is how the devs would describe Elio, second line would be how Elio probably sees himself)

And for the most part, the traits DO check out!! He's sweet, especially when he's with his boys <3 We've also seen him be considerate with the MC and others (i.e carrying groceries for mc and refilling bottles, among other instances)

But I do want to say that despite his wild and impulsive tendencies, he does have a more delicate side to him

When MC tags along with Percy and Elio for a snack run, they have the option to check out a plant stall manned by the horticulture club. It's in this part where he reveals to MC that he knows a lot about ferns, but there's a particular set of lines that made me feel that there's something more to Elio than he lets on

His reaction to seeing the staghorn fern and recounting his childhood tells me that Elio had some rather fond memories from his youth.

i'm probably projecting here, but he can also get a bit homesick because of it. (imagine being in Hawai'i your whole life and then having to move to NY for school. Guy probably had a hard time adjusting at first. I mean granted it's the same country, but different states still have different norms and values to go by)

Additionally, I find it quite interesting that Elio doesn't give himself credit (Or downplays himself) sometimes. Like, man was fighting for his life when he was being stickered by Rory. Ooor the part where he says that the gang doesn't have to celebrate his birthday

This leads me to assume that he's the type to look out for others and has the tendency of putting himself second...

I'm guessing Elio is also a big family man, judging by how fondly he speaks of his siblings. Aaaaaand he could also potentially be a bit of a hopeless romantic because he's hopeful about wanting to experience a love that's similar to his parents someday <3 <3 <3

So yeah, there! Elio is true to his name; a jovial man who embodies the light of the sun. He is loved by all, (except for most animals, i'm sorry </3) and he reciprocates that love tenfold. He's competitive and lively, but he can also show a softer side if he wants to hehe

Tl;dr: I LOVE ELIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lxmbr]

so ive written out a crap ton of fanfic ideas..for you to try

i genuinely don't know if I'm okay. wtf is wrong with me omg lmao

ALL OF THESE PEOPLE ARE BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL WRITERS GO LOOK AT THEIR BLOGS!!

these are all Nijisanji En, mainly the boys. If it has the checkmark it doesnt mean u cant do it! if you really like it i'd still love to see it.

‼️🩷THE LINKS OF THE FANFICS I PUT ARE NOT MINE. I TAKE ZERO CREDIT. THEYRE JUST THE VERSIONS AND FICS OTHER PEOPLE HAVE DONE. IF THEYRE YOUR FANFICS, PLEASE DM FOR REMOVAL I WILL 100% TAKE THEM DOWN!! 🩷‼️

I AM NOT WRITING SMUT!! im sorry i do not feel comfortable writing smut in detail, thats just me..of course i will write suggestive things but i will not be writing smut! please refrain from requesting the smutty stuff..understand that i will ignore it.

hear me out on a lot of these okay 🥹. ive been saving them up for like a month or so now. not all of these are for everyone. if you see one you dont like, ignore it. someone else will probably do it

TAKE CREATIVE LIBERTYY!!

🔞: nsfw/smut

☁️: sfw/fluff

⭐: crack/silly

💔: angst/sad

💭: headcannons/reactions

💌: one shots

✔️: been done/I've seen one like it 

‼️: in progress/im writing this!!

all gn reader and most are established relationship! and you can keep mysta, yugo, and nina in there! (although there won't be much NijiEn Girls)

⚠️IF YOU USE ANY OF THESE IDEAS, PLEASE TAG ME⚠️ not all of these are ones ive requested, again some ive just seen that happen to be similar to the idea

🔞💭Luxiem/Iluna/Noctyx seeing you in a cosplay of a character they really like/a sexy costume

☁️💭Luxiem hcs treating you on your period

 fanfix - not mine!

fanfic - not mine!

☁️🔞💭Luxiem reactions(?) to you dancing competitively (for ex: kpop dances) 

⭐💌☁️💭ike eveland reacting to you using some Swedish words he taught you in a sentence. (could be a curse word, a color, or a simple word to point out something. ex: balloon! or in Swedish, ballong!)

⭐☁️💌💭Noctyx hcs you crying over something silly (for ex: you lost your keys or the cat looked at you in a weird way)

☁️⭐💭💌NijiEn foreign: them reacting to you learning their native language! ‼️

☁️🔞💭Luxiems reaction to you proposing to them before they could to you

janes fanfic!

🔞💌Sitting on Vox's lap while he does his asmr steam

⭐☁️ 💌You and Ike eveland as geese (inspired by the untitled goose game stream)

☁️🔞💌When you meet meixul for the first time‼️

🔞💌💭Luxiem reacting to you touching yourself in their clothes 

🔞💭💌 NijiEn boys reacting to you dry humping them

💭💌☁️ Luxiem when you fall asleep on them

🔞💭☁️ Luxiem when you have baby fever ✔️

fanfic - not mine!

fanfic - not mine!

💌☁️⭐ Luxiem when you want to do their hair

💭🔞💌☁️ NijiEn Boys/Merryweather/Shxtou with their puppygirl ✔️

fanfic - not mine!

fanfic - not mine!

☁️💭💔 Luxiem comforting you after a fight with your parents/gaurdians

🔞💌 Luxiem's favorite dirty talk

🔞💌☁️💭 Luxiems wedding night with you ✔️

fanfic - not mine!

💌☁️⭐💭 Luxiem when shu accidentally turns you into a baby for a day ✔️

fanfic - not mine!

💭💌🔞 Luxiem when you wear lingerie for them

🔞💌☁️💭⭐ NijiEn (whoever) getting high🍃 with them!

💭☁️💌🔞 Luxiem/Noctyx when they're jealous

💌🔞☁️💭 Ike eveland, feeding into his yandere tendencies (for ex: offering him to put a tracking device on you. basically just a super willing reader that encourages his unhealthy actions and urges)

🔞💌💭 The names you call Luxiem/Noctyx/iluna in bed‼️

💭☁️💌⭐ When you're luxiems oshi/vtuber crush and you guys collab for the first time‼️

💌💭☁️🔞 Luxiem when the other members purposely flirt with you to piss the other member off (for ex: ike likes u/ur dating ike, and the other members purposefully flirt with you to make him mad. and so on for the other members) ‼️

⭐☁️💭💌🔞 Luxiem coming home to you and your child (or your young cousin or little sibling. like 5 yrs old or smn) to you listening/singing/rapping to their part in hope in the dark or jazz on the clock

☁️💭⭐💌🔞 Luxiem reacting to a partner loud in bed ✔️

fanfic - not mine!

💌☁️💭🔞 Luxiem reacting to the cliche porn situation - u getting stuck in something (for ex...the washing machine lmfao) ✔️

🔞💭☁️💌⭐ Luxiem reacting to calling them senpai

🔞💭☁️💌 Luxiem when their cat!girl purrs at their affection

💭💌☁️⭐ Luxiem reacting to you having lepidoptraphobia (self insert oop)

☁️⭐💭���� when Luxiem tells you the latest gossip

🔞💭💌 Luxiem getting aroused at the sight of your blood

I'll be adding more just try to keep up! pls post your questions ill answer them, again pretty please tag me..id LOVE to see your takes on these. ill try to update as much as possible :)

do you guys think i should write some of my own? I'd be down to write a couple..pls let me know 🥹

[meanbossart]

Asks about VaM, art advice, and miscellaneous stuffs

HI! Real quick please refrain from referring to Sad Sack as S/S for the uh... Obviously reasons LOL We call it "sads" for short!

If what you're asking for are recommendations for a website to host that kind of thing, Neocities, Twitter, Itchio and as you mentioned AO3 are all perfectly good options! Patreon too (depending on how gnarly you're planning on getting) but I'd suggest keeping that as a secondary host option because I don't think it lends itself super well for getting your work circulating. I believe Bluesky allows that kind of thing too, but I'm not too sure since I don't use it.

Now, If you're asking about public reaction rather than guidelines, anywhere you go you might find people that don't jive with the work you do 🤷 just be upfront about the type of content you're making right off the bat to avoid having anyone stumble upon it by accident to the best of your abilities, otherwise, I wouldn't worry too much. I know we're constantly exposed to examples of overwhelming harassment and "dogpilling" happening to others but... Truth be told, most of us won't ever get to the size/internet level of fame where we experience that. I think the threat is a little bit... Overstated, nowadays. Not to mention that most of the time people are getting harassment for things that have nothing to do with their work, and rather relating to their behavior and attitudes. Play smart, be responsible, and be honest! Whatever comes next is in god's hands LOL

Thank you for the ask! Not sure I was of much help 😅 but frankly when you're just starting out it's best to focus on getting the work done first and just throwing it out there, wherever it may be. You can worry about technicalities like that later!

I GOT YOU MAN the full sketch is now up on my patreon!

YES AND YES WHETHER IT BE STORIES OR ART OF DU DROW AND YOUR CHARACTERS SLAMMING PINTS TOGETHER BE MY GUEST PLEASE

I love seeing everyone's take on my weirdo so much, anything is honestly welcomed!

AW DUDE thank you so much! Especially for suffering through the mammoth of a story that ANE turned into - writing has never been my strongest point so I'm always shocked to hear from people that enjoy it 🥲

About the booze question, honestly I'm not picky at all, I usually go by price and by that I mean whatever is cheapest LOL but I prefer a dry white as far as types go.

You only have to pay for it once! You get a code that unlocks the software and all of it's features and you're free to cancel your subscription after that. At some point the code might change or there might be an update that requires subscribing again - but that seems like a very rare occurrence so I wouldn't worry about it.

OH NO I HAVE DEFINITELY TRACED MY OWN REFERENCE BEFORE, but not entire poses! When something is challenging I'll make a point of drawing it out the usual way.

I can remember a couple of instances from Nick and mine's comic where I traced pictures I took of myself, just as a time saving measure. Again like I said in the post, there are several ways to employ tracing your own material that is perfectly acceptable. I have also traced bare-bones 3D backgrounds that I made for the same reasons.

I know you specifically asked about tracing when something's complicated, but I still wanted to be upfront to demystify the practice under different circumstances. The rule of thumb is to never use it when you know it would be inhibiting your skill development!

Happy to hear you wanted to pick up the skill! I definitely understand the urge too LOL since playing BG3 and becoming so invested in the stories and characters my art has improved a ton, simply from forcing me out of my usual style and making me want to capture different moods and scenarios - finding something you're passionate to draw is, frankly a great damn start.

I replied to a bunch of asks asking for pointers and advice a while back, one of the questions was very similar to yours and I still stand behind the advice I gave then. Hopefully you can find something helpful here! https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/740543514692173824/some-art-advice-asks-ive-been-meaning-to-reply

HMMM I don't usually think of myself as the best teacher/tutorial guy, but funnily enough I can think of a few things about this topic that I could elaborate on lol. If I do that in the near future, I'll put it up on my patreon (for free as with everything else.)

If there are any specific things about it that you (and anyone else who would be interested in it, for that matter) find challenging and would like for me to focus on, let me know!

---

That's all for now folks, and as usual thank you so much to everyone who's left a nice compliment, word of encouragement or funny tidbit in my inbox as well! I can't reply to you all individually, but I see and read all the messages I get c:

HAVE A LOVELY REST OF YOUR WEEK

[life-is-more-than-just-a-game]

Can you write a lovely fluff story between Arisu and female reader who loves get kissed, to get cuddled, to get touched from him (and maybe more) at night?🥰 Maybe something romantic with some kinda sexual parts

♠️ Late night closeness ♠️

A/N: Yo, I'm back and haven't forgot your request yet! As I said in one of my posts, I felt a little sick this one day so I used the next days to recover a little. Plus, I was at work thursday and friday until 6pm, so I was tired and exhausted to be honest. 😬

Nevertheless, here comes your desired story and I hope that you will like it even more. Now that it's finally out. 🫶🏻

Characters: Arisu

POV: fem!reader ; fluff ; slightly sexual content at the end!

Warnings: Includes slightly sexual content, but nothing excessive.

Late at night. To be more precise, it's the perfect time to go to sleep. Just like I always do. Apart from the fact that the surroundings are quiet and empty from dawn to dusk anyway, there is complete darkness all around us. One thing I can't stand since I've been in Borderland. The reason? The red laser beams that shine down from the sky to kill other people whose visas have run out. I know a few idiots who stay up late and look for a higher spot to watch the spectacle. Just to make sure how many will leave this world behind forever - and for sure - today.

Fortunately for me, I also know people who have similar thoughts to mine. People who don't want to see this happen. People who have enough common sense, empathy and decency to look the other way. Call it strength or call it gutlessness.

I want to sleep. Every day, even before the selection takes place. However, my thoughts, which are spinning endlessly in circles, are preventing me from doing so today. My eyes are closed. My back is turned to the window so that I am not even tempted to open my eyes. But as destiny wants it, this shall not be to my disadvantage.

It's a typical time for me to sleep. You lose track of time and space in here, but if I had to guess, it would probably be 10 pm by now. Maybe half past ten at night. So I'm not surprised that the mattress behind me lowers a little, that the blanket is lifted slightly and then gets straightened again. So that I too can enjoy a comfortable and peaceful night's sleep. Just as I deserve- at least according to Arisu.

Arisu and I ... we met here during a game and haven't gone our separate ways ever since. At least not directly. We rarely go to games together for fear that we'll end up in one where we have to kill each other. I know Arisu's story. I know what he's been through. And I don't want him to have to go through it again.

We always promise each other that we'll come back. That we'll meet again at the agreed meeting point and go back to sleep side by side in the evening. The only difference today is that I'm still awake and can therefore feel the dark-haired man snuggling up to me even better.

How he puts his arm around me and presses me closer to him so that my back is pressed tightly against his upper body. As if he's afraid someone might just take me away from him for the night. Or as if he was worried that I would just leave him alone in the middle of the night.

He does that often. Always, actually. Every night when I'm drifting off to sleep. And I like it. Arisu is a shy boy who has a lot of decency as well as respect. He would never do anything against my will or touch someone 'indecently' if he didn't know whether he was allowed to. And even if he was allowed to, he would find it difficult because he wouldn't know how to handle it.

I think he knows that I like this kind of closeness. I'm not sure, but if he pulls me into his arms while I'm sleeping, I think I'll have some reactions that approve of his actions. Be it a smile that creeps onto my lips. It's possible I'll turn towards him to nuzzle my face into the skin of his neck so I can be even closer to him. And then I remember that I once started to giggle a little when Arisu pressed kisses to my cheek, neck and shoulder. I remember, because ... he is doing it again.

"I love it when you try to show me your affection secretly, quietly and silently." As soon as he speaks, I notice how his head shoots up a little and his grip on me loosens. "Surprise, love." I take the chance to turn onto my back in the loose grasp of his arms so that I can see Arisu's face much better- it may be dark, but I don't miss the somewhat indignant look on his silhouette, which makes me laugh a little.

"I thought you were asleep!" he says confusedly, his eyes almost as big as the moon in the sky itself. "How much did you notice...?"

"Everything." Silence. "But I don't think that was enough." I smile up to him, stretching my face a little towards his so that I can give him a little peck on the lips, before staring at him for a second.

"Awkward."

"Awkward?", I asked, bursting into laughter. "What the fuck are calling awkward, Ryohei?! No, that's not!"

"I-It's just ... I thought you sleep, Y/N!" Now he starts giggling himself, so that both of us are just a laughing mess. "You can't pretend just to set a trap for me, that's not how it works!"

"Oh? But it worked very well, don't you think?" It takes a moment for us both to settle down again- until we're both quiet and just smiling to ourselves.

Shortly afterwards, Arisu tightens his grip again and presses me against him once more. He has turned sideways towards me and finally leans his head relaxed against mine. I do the same and start to stroke his arm up and down with one of my hands, while we just lie here together in silence, staring into emptiness. In the soft bed of the tower block that we have made our home for the night.

"I ... actually tried to fall asleep but failed this time." Arisu looks down on me while I look up to him. "It wasn't my plan to trap you, darling. But I have to say, I really do love it, when you cuddle me that much while I'm sleeping, Arisu. And you know, I would be happy when you keep doing this- it makes me feel protected and ... I feel safe in this creepy world when having you by my side." I assume that these words will overwhelm Arisu for a moment, as it's quite a lot at once and … well, very unexpected. "So … I'd be happy if you did that more often. Not just when I'm asleep, but also when I'm awake. I really enjoy your attention and your closeness, so … I think it would be nice if we could build on this ... intimacy." I know it might not be a good attitude.

This is not the world in which you would want to fall in love. We are not in the time warp where you are looking forward to the love of your life, where you want to fall for a person completely and carefree. Here in Borderland, it's a matter of life and death. That's why it might be wrong to tie yourself to one person- morally speaking. But if your heart is yearning and your head is in harmony with it, then it no longer feels as wrong as it really is.

"You know, this ... might getting dangerous, love?", he whispers, making me giving him back a quite "Of course" which makes him sigh a bit. "This … is not something one want to assume, but … you know, it can happen every day that one of us doesn't come back to the other." You can tell from his voice that he feels fear and pain at the thought, which makes me swallow hard- but again I only get out a whispered "I know ...", which should make him realize how seriously I meant what I said to him. "And yet you want me to consciously give you this intimacy?"

"Yes," I said, serious. "Because I love you, Ryohei." This is where I end my caresses on his arm.

Instead, I just look up at him, able to catch his eyes thanks to the light given off by the moon. I notice how his arms wrap around me even tighter in response and I catch myself clawing into the skin of his arm a little, but lightly enough to make sure there's no residue and that I don't accidentally hurt him. He nuzzles his face into my cheek and we close our eyes to enjoy the togetherness for a moment. To forget everything else for just a few seconds.

"I don't think that's something we can decide immediately, Arisu ..."

"There's no need to decide something, I guess." I open my eyes again, looking at him, giving a little "Huh?" right back, before I can catch a smile on his lips. "I ... I cannot deny that I ... like you and that I would very much like to continue to be close to you." I giggle.

"Come here." Without giving it a second thought, I swing myself on top of him and wrap my arms loosely around his neck.

His hands rest on my back from that point on and I make it quick: I pull him into a loving, passionate kiss. I know he needs a moment to realize what's going on, so … I give him the time. And only when he moves his lips against mine do I match his movements and deepen the kiss a little more, burying one of my hands in his mane so that I can push him a little closer to me.

A little later I wander with my lips to his neck, which he frees up for me a little bit by tilting his head to the side. Small kisses are spread over his thin skin before I reach his ear and whisper a soft "Touch me, Arisu ..." into it, making him blush, pretty sure.

"You want me to-"

"I see what you're up to, my love." I'm smiling. "Don't think about it … and just do it." Again I start to work his neck, which makes him hum happily before I add anything else. "When I was sleeping, you weren't afraid to go under my shirt, too." Now I'm laughing.

Because of his shocked "What?!". Because of his big eyes. Because he's a little freaked out all of a sudden.

"How much did you really notice when I thought you were sleeping all this time?!"

"I've been sleeping," I say, "but sometimes I've woken up and just let it pass over me with pleasure~."

[polyamorousmood]

Hi I need some advice.

So I identify as poly even tho ive never had a poly relationship before and made that very clear to my girlfriend before we started dating. She said she was fine with it, and that we could always discuss terms when I start to like another person. We've been dating for a year, and I'm starting to like one of our mutual friends. I was excited to tell my girlfriend, but when I did she freaked out about it and said she couldn't do it. Because she was freaking out, I said it was OK and agreed to be in a mono relationship (I often will say anything to get someone to calm down, and I know that's a flaw of mine which is why I was open about everything before anything was at stake). I don't think I am OK with it, but they way she spoke about it sounds like she won't be convinced either.

I feel like I was lied to? And now I'm in this situation I didn't want, but I don't want to break up with her because I do love her. Functionally our relationship is the same as it always was so maybe I can handle it, but I just don't understand why she would have such a negative reaction when she seemed completely OK with it at the beginning.

I mean... maybe she said it was okay when it wasn't for a similar reason you did? Because she wanted to make you happy more than she wanted to dig into the issue? While I understand this probably felt like a major gut-punch after you made a point to be open about it, it seems to me unfair you'd hold her to a higher standard than you're holding yourself now wrt voicing what you'd be okay with.

Anyway, TL;DR: I think y'all both need to "come to Jesus."

What do I mean by that.

You need the classic Uncle Iroh moment

And it really, really fucking sucks, but you both will have to consider if the life you want -- poly for you, monog for her -- is feasible with each other. I'm sorry, I know it hurts even to think about, but even if everything gets worked out, you will have to think about the possibility it won't first.

First, you're going to have to bring it up again, and explain its importance, and explain your confusion, and acknowledge this is clearly difficult for her. I think a strong possibility is that she's okay with you dating someone else, but not someone she knows. It being her friend may be the sticking point! I've found a lot of people don't consider that a possibility until they're confronted with it, and it drudges up a lot of bad feelings and anxieties that you "always really wanted them and not me," so that's worth investigating.

... Its also really possible she never gave it a ton of thought and assumed it was never really gonna happen🫤. Its also possible your timing was just shit in a way you're not mentioning (maybe didn't even think of!) like, if you mentioned it a week after y'all Had A Talk™️about her feeling really insecure lately, I can see how that could cause her some panic. You are just going to have to grit your teeth and talk🗣️. It is the ONLY path forward that has a chance of everyone feeling fulfilled. Which to me at least, makes it the only path forward, period ⏺️ It sucks. Its hard. You'd rather saw off your toes.

But here's the secret -> people regret more the things they didn't do than the things they did do. A life spent wondering is generally much harder than anything else.

So if after you talk to her, she does have a problem with polyamory, there are only a few options for how this shakes out:

You never get the polyamory. Either because you kept your mouth shut 🙊 or because you asked and it was clearly never going to be okay with her. You stay with her forever and cut off this desire of yours to make her happy. Most poly people find this a very constricted existence.

She consents to polyamory even though she doesn't like having to share you. You guys broker some sort of compromise. Maybe she comes around, but maybe its always a sore spot, and she always feels like she's settling for half a relationship.🌗

You break up💔. Maybe now, maybe after years of trying and failing to do one or both of the first two options.

That's all there is. There's room within those categories, of course, but every outcome is one of those three. Give each of them their fair consideration, because there are some major, long-term pros and cons with each of them, and you need to know what you're signing on for. Oh, and if you're not willing to talk about it? You're locking yourself into the first one. Maybe she's worth it to you, but if that's the choice you're making, you cannot hold that choice against her later, because she won't even have realized you made it if you don't talk about it.

And if you do broker some sort of deal, you better fasten your seatbelt. Because you will have to talk about things she's uncomfortable with very regularly. Accept that right the fuck now. You know its true. You know that even if she understands, there will be new situation after new situation you will have to go through together. And a lot of them will be hard on her. And it will be on your shoulders to see her through.

This is, without exaggeration on my part, one of the worst situations to be in ever. My heart goes out to you.💝 I hope from the depths of my soul there's some sort of misunderstanding that gets resolved without much drama, and you're all okay. I am also truly sorry if that sounded harsh, but I don't want you to waste your time looking for miracle fixes. Everything from this point on will be messy and labor-intensive, but I hope it can be a labor of love.

Wising you the strength to see yourself to a life you love 💙💖🖤

[starsreminisce]

Tell me when you knew,” (Lucien) demanded, his knee pressing into mine. “That Rhysand was your mate. Tell me when you stopped loving Tamlin and started loving him instead.”

I chose not to answer.

“Was it going on before you even left?”

I whipped my head to him, even if I could barely make out his features in the dark. “I never touched Rhysand like that until months later.”

“You kissed Under the Mountain.”

“I had as little choice in that as I did in the dancing.”

“And yet this is the male you now love.” HE IS SO REAL FOR ALL OF THIS

Lucien is literally going through the same thing as Feyre did, and it's easy to forget that Feyre had only just accepted the mating bond a few days before she went back to the Spring Court.

Lucien just received confirmation that his mate wasn't the one his father murdered—the one he was so convinced was his mate that he left his court over it. She never was. Feyre spent a significant portion of ACOMAF waiting for her mating bond to snap with Tamlin and didn't believe that her mate was Rhys because she didn't see herself as his equal.

But the hurt and guilt I expected weren’t there. Lucien slowly released his grip. “I need to find her.” “You don’t even know Elain. The mating bond is just a physical reaction overriding your good sense.” “Is that what it did to you and Rhys?”

This exchange too stood out because of what made Feyre finally figured out that she was mated to Rhys:

Because he’d been injured, and I’d gone out of my mind—absolutely insane—when he’d been taken from me, shot out of the sky like a bird. I’d acted on instinct, on a drive to protect him that had come from so deep in me … So deep in me—

Feyre used both skills she developed when she was human (forever iconic using her scent on Rhys's fingers to track him) and shapeshifting from Tamlin despite her reservations to track him down. This mirrors Lucien using his hidden powers to get to Elain.

Sometimes I do wonder if Lucien started getting doubts that Jesminda was his mate and that's why he became ridden with guilt. Perhaps he started having visions or dreams of Elain after UTM, similar to how Rhys did with Feyre before she came over the wall. He also started to pull away from his usual dallying to put a hard stop on Ianthe. The combination of seeing Feyre die and come back to life because of the mating bond might have forced him to face the truth that Jesminda wasn't his mate. Feyre was resurrected due to the bond, while Jesminda was not.

Lucien was well within his rights to question this. Why was he able to react in such a way for someone he never met before but not for the female he loved? The only person who could have helped him process it would have been Feyre, but I don't think Feyre could explain it in a way that Lucien would understand, especially when it's still new to her. We see this when she asked Rhys why Azriel wasn't Elain's mate, seeing Elain and Azriel sitting quietly together, and knowing Lucien isn't someone like that. It's telling that the more she started to understand being someone's mate and being mated to someone, she never brought up Azriel and Elain again, even in her own POV.

As for Lucien, he finally understood when Elain turned to him and he took in her face. Lucien and Elain will always have this pull towards each other, will always have a tug, will always know the other better than anyone else can compare because they have a literal soul-bridge to each other. But it still takes two people to make it work.

The revelation of the mating was always the confirmation of being endgame. It doesnt matter when it was revealed.

Love this quote, thank you for reminding me!