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isaacthedruid · 3 years

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Please allow me to tell you about one of my favourite cartoons through this informal essay I did for school a couple of months back.

Gravity Falls and How it Did The Unimaginable

**SPOILERS... KINDA**

The 2010s saw the creation of some of the most iconic animated tv shows ever made, the likes of Adventure Time (2010), Steven Universe (2013), Over the Garden Wall (2014) and The Legend of Korra (2012). To explain why this era’s shows are so admirable is honestly rather difficult. Yet, there are many factors that can be taken into consideration when looking for an answer.

The past decade was very successful in perfecting their craft and utilizing the animated format to their favour, creating some of the wackiest and fascinating cartoons ever made. With the advancements made in both 2D and 3D animation for film, this bled into the world of TV as well.

To mention that 2010s cartoons have stunning visuals would be an understatement. Everything about the animation was beautiful; the strong colour palettes, the clean and imaginative character designs, the colourful and immersive backgrounds and especially the mesmerizing worlds that can be found within episodes that are half an hour.

This era’s cartoons also led to a massive shift in storytelling, writing longer-running stories that spread out across seasons while also swapping out episodic adventures for serialization. This heavily aided in the popularization of these shows, due to the rise of internet fandoms and dropping the taboo that cartoons were only for kids. Many shows acknowledged their older viewers by leaving clues and even puzzles to be solved by the theorists who have a large appearance on social media platforms like Reddit, Twitter and Tumblr. As the shows progressed, their fandoms created many theories for what they believed might happen within their favourite series. The top three shows from this era all utilized these changes, being at the forefront of the shift and helping guide the creative vision of 2010s cartoons.

Often regarded as many people’s favourite cartoon, Gravity Falls presented one of the best mysteries of the decade with two seasons and only 40 episodes. Inspired by Twin Peaks and The X-Files, it’s considered as the kids’ version of these two iconic shows as this cartoon acts as many people’s first introduction to horror through bright colours and fun characters.

This series follows the adventures of Dipper and Mabel Pines, twins, who are sent to spend their summer with their great-uncle or Grunkle Stan in Gravity Falls, Oregon. This town is full of oddities like supernatural creatures, insane and eccentric inhabitants, and many puzzles. The Pines twins must adjust to the weirdness while uncovering the mysteries and protecting their new town.

While living in Gravity Falls, the twins are forced to work in the Mystery Shack, a tourist trap created by their Grunkle Stan that overcharges unlucky tourists, teaching about fake monsters despite there being real creatures all over town. On his first day in Oregon, Dipper accidentally came across a mysterious journal written by an unknown author that explains all the oddities to be found in this strange town. This book acts like an encyclopedic of the Weird for Dipper, an inquisitive 12-year-old kid who seeks answers.

Dipper is an extremely intelligent kid, his brain being far more developed than his body. He’s rather awkward and self-conscious as he often stumbles over his words or gets embarrassed trying to talk to girls. Despite this, the boy is an adventurer at heart who just wants to grow up and skip his upcoming teenage years.

While Mabel is quite the opposite in many ways, she is loud and has an in-your-face personality. Mabel is bouncy and fun, she is so excited to start high school. She is easily excitable and for the larger part of the series, she is in her boy-crazy phase. Mabel is a girly-girl as she likes all things; glitter, unicorns, rainbows, partying and crafting. Yet, she doesn’t often compare well with many of the other girls in town, they see her as weird and “too much”.

(In all fairness through, it is not too kind to either of the characters as their personalities are more complex than just awkward nerd and artsy girl-girly.)

Dipper and Mabel’s personalities are very different but somehow, they—along with their Gravity Falls family—manage to solve mysteries and save the town, multiple times.

Gravity Falls is an honestly genius series that completely changed the way cartoons were made. Originally when writing a series, you’d create a base of your story; characters, the universe and a basic plot. Yet, when creator, Alex Hirsch (who was in his early/mid-20)s and his small team first began constructing their show, they planned out everything they could possibly think of for the first season. Additionally, outlining some answers for their biggest mysteries that would be answered at the end of the series.

Despite being rated TV-Y7, this series really pushed the boundaries of kids’ television. From the teeth being ripped out of a deer’s mouth by a demon, rearranging the functions of every hole on a man’s face to an aggressive pop-rock sock puppet show that ended in a dramatic slow-motion scene of the puppets burning. Gravity Falls wasn’t afraid to get a little weird or creepy. Or create some genuine nightmare fuel.

From the beginning, Gravity Falls had built a mystery into its series, hiding secrets and clues all throughout the show. Most notably were the backwards-recorded message and cryptograms, using roughly nine different kinds, even creating two of their own.

The inclusion of cyphers and mysteries for fans to solve is possibly the reason why this series was so successful. As one of the first shows to do something like this, Gravity Falls used social media and internet fandoms to its advantage.

As mentioned earlier, cartoon fans have quite a presence on social media platforms like Twitter and Tumblr. They create theories and share fun ideas about their favourite shows. Viewers of Adventure Time, Gravity Falls and Steven Universe were all included in their share of theory fun.

Sometimes, fan theories end up being correct but when you’re Gravity Falls creator, Alex Hirsch, you don’t just watch from the sidelines as your viewers figure out the biggest mystery of your show. No, you create a hoax to get your viewers off your trail and that is what he did. Around 2013, only halfway through the first season of the show, viewers had started to follow the clues, theorizing who was the author is Dipper’s mysterious journal.

Unfortunately for the Gravity Falls production crew, the viewers were right— for the sake of readers who have never seen the show, I will not mention who the author was as it would be the biggest spoiler.

In 2013, a supposed leaked image of a tv showing a younger version of the show’s crazy old man character, Old Man McGucket, writing in the infamous journal was uploaded anonymously (by Alex Hirsch) to 4Chan.

Despite the image only being on up for a few hours, it spread like wildfire. Much to the team’s success, theorists stopped searching for the answer to “who is the author” and just accepted the image of McGucket as the truth.

To further push the fake-out, three words were posted to Alex’s Twitter, “fuming right now.”

The tweet was deleted a few minutes later and fans genuinely believed that someone from the Gravity Falls team had leaked the most important part of the story.

While doing research, I came across a Reddit post from April 10th, 2013, the day after ‘leak,’ Alex’s tweet was uploaded. In this post, user, TheoDW uploaded an image of Alex’s tweet with the caption, “It seems that Hirsch got mad at last night’s leak. He already deleted this tweet.”

Seeing the reactions of these Redditors in 2013 is kind of weird and crazy to look at. “He has every right to be upset. Someone internally released a plot revealing screen shot of series breaking spoiler information,” a deleted Reddit account commented.

“This is Alex Hirsch’s biggest success by far, he spent a huge amount of time carefully planning out the series, and then in a moment someone releases a major spoiler. It would make anyone upset,” the user, Time_Loop commented.

“Seriously, this is a nightmare for a storyteller, and shows a breach of trust. I feel so bad for him–honestly, I hope whoever did the leak gets caught and appropriate action is taken. You don’t f–k with someone’s story like this. It’s unprofessional.” the user, lonelybeloved angrily commented.

In 2014, this ‘leak’ was finally disproven when viewers were given an episode on McGucket’s backstory and an amazing tweet from Alex Hirsch.

Alex had post an image of himself playfully pointing at a monitor with the supposed leaked picture with the caption, “1) Make hoax 2) Upload to 4Chan 3) Post angry tweet about "leak" 4) Delete tweet 5) Let internet do rest”

It is so interesting to look at these comments know that all of this was orchestrated by Alex.

I wish I had been old enough at the time to follow theories and fandom stuff like I do now with current cartoons but really looking at this from an outside perspective, this was insane!

The real author wasn’t revealed until 2015 and when viewers first got the answer to this biggest show on their screens, they must have freaked out!

Following the finale in 2016, a single frame of a stone version of Bill Cipher, the show’s villain, flashed in after the credits had finished.

Alex Hirsch and his team actually created a real-life statue of their villain for their viewers to find and on July 20th, 2016, the Cipher Hunt began.

By following clues, the Hunters found themselves all over the world; Russia, Japan and then travelling throughout the United States for the final 12 clues. When the hunt took them to Los Angeles, actor, Jason Ritter (voice of Dipper Pines, also a massive fan of the series) and Alex Hirsch’s twin sister, Ariel Hirsch (the inspiration for Mabel) joined in the fun helping the search.

Finally, the hunt ended on August 2nd when someone tweeted out an image of the found statue in Oregon, the same state in which the fictional town of Gravity Falls exists. The Cipher Hunt had ended but finding the statue wasn’t Alex’s goal for the scavenger hunt, it was about the journey and bringing together the viewers, more than having them actually find the statue.

Creating its own hoax, an international scavenger hunt and quite a bit of nightmare fuel, Gravity Falls was a show truly unlike any other.

The 2010s saw some of the strongest cartoons ever made, Adventure Time, Gravity Falls and Steven Universe acting as the leaders for multiple different changes in the medium; storytelling, worldbuilding, interaction with viewers, utilizing social media, representation and further pushing music into the cartoon world. From what was created this past decade and what has already been released in 2020, I’m so excited to see what comes next.

I have another one of these which is on Steven Universe’s representation and music if you would like to see that too!!

#isaac rambles #long post #gravity falls #cartoons #cartoon review #dipper pines #alex hirsch #OH MY GOD I LOVE ALEX HIRSCH'S BRAIN!!!#disney #disney channel #disney cartoons

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yeoldontknow · 3 years

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დ content tag game დ

tagged by the loveliest angel @augustbutwinter to do this fun tag. thank you so much my love!

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)? - harry potter, muse, merlin, supernatural, doctor who, sherlock

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for? - kpop only

3. how long have you been writing? on this blog? - my first actual fanfic would have been when i was about 8? it was for sailor moon but it was literally only in a journal i had. i presume that counts. so that would put us at 24 years lmao - on this blog specifically, since april 2017

4. on which platforms do you post your stories? - here and AO3

5. what is your favourite genre to write? - aaaaangst lmao and horror/suspense. i love really dark things, and have always had a fascination in writing things that disturb me? i think its from an analytical or psychological perspective, exploring the limits of humanity and processing for myself why these things make me uncomfortable/where i feel them on my body/what is fear vs disgust idk. also very much enjoy fantasy/supernatural.

6. are you a pantser or a planner? - almost always i have a plan, however there are some fics that come out of nowhere and i just have to write them. examples of this are enough and love; always

7. one shot or multi-chapter? - i usually try very hard to keep things as a one shot, and reserve series for things that actually have substance enough to extend past 3 chapters. lately, all my ideas have been very plot heavy or come from worlds i am very interested in exploring and/or have aspects of emotion i want to work through. if i cant keep it to a one shot (like...under 30k) i will make it a series and ill be angry at myself lmao

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion? - anywhere from 5-9k is a solid, average chapter length for me. some chapters, in hero for example, need to be more than this because theyre the heavy plot chapters. i have been trying not to focus on lengths anymore, just want to write until the story is told

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete? - the longest story ive ever written is 154k in a different fandom and yes its complete. at the moment, hero is breaching 98k and i imagine it will be my longest when its completed

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most? - when it comes to series, hero and time runner will, and always will be, the most special things ive ever done. i feel at home and myself when im writing them. im in love with writing them. the ideas are so strong, and the characters are so loud and clearly defined it just is the best time making art ive ever had. - for one shots, light sakura was truly catharsis. i needed to write that. its the most personal, vulnerable thing ive ever written and will probably never produce something like that again unless theres another major event in my life. also absolutely adored writing molotov cocktail and empty vessels. those are both the easiest 30k ive ever produced

11. favourite request you’ve have written and why (if any?) - brooklyn is burning was technically a request and im extremely partial to it

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories? - oh yeah. usually my female characters are working through bad relationships or finding their voices, seeking identity and power in worlds that dont necessarily provide that. i write what i feel and what ive lived, the worlds around the characters are just exaggerations of reality and my imagination. theres always a little piece of me in my stories, and usually that piece comes down to them learning to trust which is something i struggle with

13. current number of wips? - please i cannot share this number, not when im ashamed of the amount lmao

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing? 1. smut is insanely hard for me 2. fluff is almost impossible, and could be considered my weakness. happiness is an external feeling, an outward experience. im a very bodied writer and finding joy or finding small bits of romance is difficult (largely because i live alone) so i will over explain aspects of the idol character or highlight small actions in the effort of holding onto them 3. i am still learning to trust the process

15. a quote you like from a published story.

‘Don’t confuse loyalty with strength,’ you say, as he releases you. You remain still, forehead pressing against the bars to get as close to him as possible. ‘I have no allegiance to you. My silence is not owed to you.’

‘Really?’ he says with disdain. ‘It was given so freely the last two days.’

‘Your ignorance proves you have never truly known a woman,’ you taunt. ‘We are always at war, even if we are silent.’

- from: hero - chapter 3

16. a quote from an unpublished story.

Would it have been easier for you both to survive if you could be a needy, fragile little thing - not ready to die, not ready to leave him on his own?

The night before, Chanyeol held you close, kissed you until your throat felt raw, and made you realize he didn’t want it, didn’t need it. He loved the war in you, handled you like a blade between his fingers, skin unmarred by your sharp edges. He didn’t want it, but you wanted it, at least a little. You wanted him to know there were still traces inside you of the girl you lost.

from: time runner - chapter 7

17. space for you to say something to your readers.

hello beautiful loves. every moment you even click on one of my works an angel gets its wings <3

tagging: @yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @yoonia @kithtaehyung @inkedtae @kookdiaries @kookingtae @xiaokoo @sunshinekims @biaswreckingfics @ditzymax @sugaurora @bangtanhome @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @writtenwhalien @jinpanman @cutechim and anyone else who would like to do this <3 as always please only do so if comfy!

#content tag game

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janiedean · 3 years

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I feel bad for all the nice J*nsa shippers who like their ship for whatever reasons (tropes, pretty art, aesthetic appeal, whatever) and know it's not canon but get associated with the misogynistic Dany hating crowd who act like Jon being attracted to Ygritte is J*nsa foreshadowing because red hair (I guess Jon should fuck Edmure Tully too? Omg give me Dark!Jon getting revenge on Catelyn by seducing her brother!) Tell me something. I'm new to the fandom but was J*nsa popular before the show? And I've heard something about the OG J*nsa shippers being alienated by the new shippers who insisted it had to be canon and acted like the series is called, "A song of J*nsa #danysux." I don't find that hard to believe because I know people who are now ashamed of calling themselves J*nsa shippers. Like, at this point, it's not only rival shippers who hate it. Even Gendrya/Braime/Jon stans/etc have started disliking that ship. You know your fandom is a problem when people who have nothing to do with Jnsa have a problem with it.

me: reads this ask

me: iwastheregandalf.gif which I can't find now but

okay anon buckle up because I am sadly well-equipped to answer this ask but before I do lemme tell you dark jon seducing edmure to take revenge on cat is LITERALLY THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD but *clears throat* ALL RIGHT THEN.

disclaimer: as anon says I have no issue with like the shippers mentioned by anon in the beginning and ngl I agree, I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO FUCKING STAKES in the j*nsa vs j*nerys war and the only het jon ship I gaf about is jon/ygritte and we all know where that ended up I just... have been here since 2011/adwd was over and all the fic around was just for the books under secret lj communities and asoiaf qualified for yuletide and I have... seen... things.... and I actually have like uh had... beef... with some people in there and I know things bc ppl who hated those others told me stuff so anyway *sigh* buckle up anon I'mma tell you the story of jon shipwars through the years

in order, the old gods help me here, under the cut bc this is long as fuck

when I got into fandom also given what numbers were on ao3 one ship was popular and it was sansan. no like sansan was lit. the only asoiaf ship on ao3 with more than 200 fics. jb had twenty when i checked first. jc had like around 100-ish because of the show but sansan dwarfed anything. I posted the first jon/ygritte fic on the ao3 tag and the fourth throbb fic and like the others were all reposts from lj kinkmemes. nothing was popular before the show except for sansan when it comes to huge numbers bc grrm doesn't like fic and it was all hush hush until the show made it impossible to control and that ship was the one with a huge enough fanbase it actually had numbers, so like... j*nsa wasn't popular in the way nothing else was popular until it got screentime on the show

now, that stated, j*nsa had a... fair amount of fic for a rareship which was mostly book-based and from og shippers that were there from before the show and liked it for what it was but literally none of them thought it was gonna be canon, like it wasn't huge or anything but it had a small but dedicated fanbase who did their own thing and thought it was fun/liked the idea but that was it

that fandom had their own niche of hcs that they cultivated and shit except that like... at the end of S5/beginning of S6 there was a surge in shipping for... well obvious reasons bc it was obv sansa was getting to the wall and that would have been all nice and good but a) it was the time puritanical shipping was starting to take root and the 'shipping sansa with sandor or tyrion is hella problematic' rhetoric had started to circle coming from sans*ery shippers mostly but I'mma not open that fucking can of worms here, b) while the ending of S5 had more of a theon/sansa spike, the j*nsa stuff started getting big

now here we have to mention my villain origin story ie: j*nsa fandom had this one stan whose name I won't make because honestly it's been years and if she's still around I don't want her to remember I exist who was a bnf, wrote for... the website that created the whole larry/carol thing etc who was really fixed on this thing that j*nsa was actually canon and started writing extremely popular meta about it. now you're gonna ask how do you know, I know because this person once wrote a meta named 'why robb stark is a dick' and I told her that it was really fucking bad meta and she took it so badly she kept on trash talking me on her blog/her podcast (I was apparently the insane robb stark fangirl l m a o good lord) and like that was when some sane ppl who argued with her informed me in pvt that she was basically harping on the CANON thing when they'd have been okay with like... it being crackshipping and that she was basically cultivating a hoarde of followers who were harping on them/the ogs and basically ostracizing them;

I would like to add that this person - before her tumblr got 'accidentally deleted' and remade it therefore deleted most receipts for, er, her so-called meta which included stuff like ned and cat raised sansa as a sexual object and only wanted to sell her like cattle - had at some point started a round robin fic thing where... some of the characters mocked openly said stuff that some of the og fans had said specifically targeting them and people in that side basically went harassing anyone who didn't agree with that specific notion

now never mind that this person basically coined an entire term to describe ppl who liked white guys and excused all their wrongdoings out of my conversation re robb basically lying about everything I said as if I didn't have the receipts and tried to sell shirts with it and it didn't work and like then she got kicked out of her own website because she was telling her commenters disagreeing pretty shitty insults (considering I was called psychotic for disagreeing with her that time I don't doubt it) I think at some point she stepped back from fandom bc idk wtf she's up to these days and I don't want to, but basically at that point the dam was broken and there was a bunch of puritanical shippers harping on anyone who didn't agree with j*nsa is canon endgame stuff

this also includes an incident when those ppl were like... passing themselves as throbb shippers and ended up trying to tell t*hramsay shippers off the theon tag based on moral reasons and I ended up arguing with all of them (and they were all from that crowd) which in turn landed me in contact with other og j*nsa shippers who were like detached from that fandom bc those same people harassed them away as well ssooooo fun

anyway when S6 happened everyone was high on it and whatnot but I wasn't gonna begrudge them that I mean... you shipped it for years, canon is delivering you, good for you, but then j*nerys happened

god j*nerys happened

aaand basically...... I mean personally I was there like are y'all seriously arguing about the best incest jon ship out there but like basically the j*nsa endgame side was like AH JON IS PLAYING DANY SEE IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN, the j*nerys obv got defensive af and both sides were sort of alternatively shitting on jon/ygritte anyway and depicting any other romantic rship jon could have as abusive™ and during S8 it just got worse and like I tried to stay out of it but basically from what I'm seeing now idk how the j*neryses are doing but on the j*nsa one it's ah jon's gonna play dany anyway and she's going to go insane like in the show so SHOW TRUTHING EVERY OTHER WAY and like again denying that sandor exists or that tyrion exists and like I barely touch my corner (sansan) but I ended up arguing with j*nsa/th*nsa people on twitter who were antis and is2g it was white-hair inducing and I know for sure the sansa/tyrion shippers were harassed to hell and back throughout so FUN

and even if the show didn't go there now since everyone there banked on the jnsa endgame thing and admitting you're wrong is like... not a thing, they still haven't let go of it and attach to that ship any shred of evidence which honestly is grasping at straws half of the time (like... the sansa/alysanne parallels like guys please no) and which is why every other ship is starting to get fed up, attaching canon proof of stuff from other ships onto theirs see that batb argument and jb is platonic but jonsa is not nvm taking all the sansan stuff and throwing it on j*nsa but then denying that sansan has canon evidence (like guys I had to read sansa touching his shoulder when saying gregor wasn't a true knight wasn't meaningful and we were seeing things please) and blah blah blah

this also goes hand in hand with the fixation on like... villanizing dany at all costs and like is2g I have zero investment in dany or her storyline I don't even remember it and I don't particularly care abt her either way and sure af I'm not for j*nerys endgame but like.... some stuff I read is completely excessive esp when fixing on how she's a completely mad tyrant who's gonna have to be put down and like... guys no

(also there's some srs stannis hate in that corner which I honestly don't get why they even care abt stannis but I had to read stuff like ppl don't recognize that dany and stannis are the real villains in this saga and like........ idek)

I think most of the og shippers are gone or don't ship it openly bc they don't want to be attached to the drama but like I also think they're pissing off everyone else bc like... I mean a bunch of them also were down with sansa being paired with other ppl as long as it meant a good ending for her except those ppl were... like everyone but the ppl she has actual contact with in canon which meant that at some point sansa/gendry was a thing and like.... you can imagine why arya/gendry shippers & arya stans were fed up, and there's also this tendency to behave like sansa is the center of the entire saga which like these books is named a song of jon snow basically can we pls make peace with it and personally I've had it with both j*nsa and j*nerys people since they started with that dumbass JON/YGRITTE WAS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP rhetoric but I'm also fed up with the total ignoring that sandor exists/depicting us as delusional and honestly I also was by proxy fed up from the harassing of the sansa/tyrion shippers soooooooooooo

there were also instances of 'well theon is an acceptable choice other than jon bc he can't threaten her' which... i mean we all know what that meant and I'm not even commenting it bc it's one AM and I have no force to but I don't have to explain why it's not a progressive take now do I

there were also metas about how cousin incest being legal in half of the world means that jondany is a worse incest and j*nsa doesn't count as such and I was basically there like guys please just fucking own up to it but honestly I chose to forgot where I read that and I couldn't find the link if I tried

tldr: no one wants to admit that it's not gonna be endgame which considering the amount of fic they have on ao3 is imvho useless bc they have more content than like.. anything I ship that's not jb or that's actually like canon *cries in joncon/rhaegar but I mean renly/loras is canon and has less fic than them* so idk what's the problem with enjoying that instead of insisting it's gonna be canon when not even the show validated it while show truthing anyway when the only show truthing that can be truthed is the small council made of minorities and possibly jon eventually fucking off with the wildlings but not like that but like most people who thought it wasn't gonna be endgame had left/were made to leave by the time S7 rolled by and at this point since wow isn't out yet everyone is fandom-grasping at straws to find stuff to discourse on and we're here beating dead horses *shrug*

so that's... how it is but I would again like to point out that I don't judge ppl on their shipping, I don't particularly care about this entire feud bc I only ship jon with ppl he's not related to in whichever way and I try to stay out of this mess bc I don't really care to argue with ppl who have already decided to bend canon to whatever they want and will have to realize that it's not what grrm wrote at some point but like I have a very good memory and the above rant is as objective as possible also bc again I don't literally have a stake in that race I just think romantic/endgame j*nsa is not a thing and that ppl should stay in their lane and not harping on other ppl who ship whatever in general but especially when their ship is the most popular thing in fandom in the first place /two cents

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #anonymous #ask post #anti-jonsa #anti jonsa #anti-jonerys #anti jonerys #both of them for equality

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stillness-in-green · 3 years

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Ahistorical, Absurd, and Unsustainable (Part Four and Conclusion)

An Examination of the Mass Arrest of the Paranormal Liberation Front Introduction and Part One Part Two Part Three

PART FOUR: Thematic Problems

For all that portions of the Western fandom look at the MLA and see Evil Quirk Eugenicists and Hypocritical Ultra-Rich, they had legitimate complaints, and their goals, while overly radical if taken to their logical extremes—see Geten[51]—still offer a way to address a huge number of the problems this society faces. Locking them up and throwing away the key is shutting off one of the most prominent angles on addressing those issues. Consider:

The Problem of Heroics

Quirk-based prejudice is real, and a huge amount of it is based in the hero/villain dichotomy. This isn’t surprising; when you set up a group of people as “heroes,” it follows logically, linguistically, naturally that the people they fight must be villains. Villains are bad, are evil, are black-and-white figures with no motivation worth considering. Toss them in jail; who cares? They earned being in there with their Bad Actions. But that kind of thinking is insidious—it spreads.

If someone looks like a villain, if someone has a bad quirk, they may well be a Bad Seed. And if they aren’t, well, the responsibility is on them to rise above that prejudice, to become better than the people around them think they can be—but no one asks the people around them to maybe stop being so damn prejudicial all the time.

A horrifyingly stark example shows up in Chapter 310, in which a woman is being attacked by a group of three men for no reason save that they think she looks like a villain, so they assume she must be a villain. Her obvious villain trait? She’s a heteromorph—unusually tall, with a vulpine face. That’s it. She’s not dressed in a threatening or antisocial style; she’s not aggressive or angry. She’s just a heteromorph who didn’t go to a shelter right away because she thought things would calm down if she waited it out.

Love Midoriya following this up with, “I bet they were just scared too.” Way to chase an aggression with a micro-aggression there, hero. (Chapter 310)

Of course, tensions are running high right now, higher than would ever be the case under normal circumstances, but even in “normal circumstances,” this uncomfortable bias persists. Consider Class 1-A’s Shoji: Shoji wears a mask because he's a gentle soul who doesn’t want to scare small children, but maybe instead, people should be teaching their kids not to judge by appearances? Then maybe their kids wouldn’t grow up to be the kinds of people who attack others for looking a little scary and not going to sufficient pains to hide it?

As far as bad quirks go, meanwhile, Shinsou is the classic example on the hero side. He was told by classmates, laughingly, that he had a good quirk for a villain; he carries himself at all times like he’s got something to prove. I suspect the only reason he’s at U.A. and not running with the League of Villains is a supportive home life,[52] but either way, people are all too ready to apply a villain label to him based on an ability that was nothing but genetic lottery, and that’s because the existence of heroes defines itself by the existence of villains.

Of course, the otherization of villains and people-who-kind-of-seem-like-they-might-be-villains is only part of the problem. The other and frankly larger issue is the effect that limiting quirk use to heroes-only has on the cultural mindset—heroes, villains, and civilians alike.

Japan in real life fosters a sense of community support so profound that children as young as four can be sent on small errands[53] around the neighborhood, safe in the knowledge that if they need help, they will be able to get that help. It’s far more common for young children to walk or take public transit to school than it is in the U.S. Another example is the country’s enthusiastic embrace of publicly available AED machines, complete with easy-to-understand printed and audio instructions about how to use them on people suffering heart attacks, a movement that has saved the lives of many who might not have otherwise survived long enough for an ambulance to arrive.

In My Hero Academia’s Japan, though?

You wind up with people who don't even particularly want to become heroes enrolling in hero schools anyway because it's the only way they can imagine contributing to society. Uraraka and Gran Torino are obvious examples—Uraraka becoming a hero less because she felt a calling to and more because it seemed like the best way to ameliorate her family’s hardscrabble lot in life; Torino getting a hero license not because he cared about being a hero at all, but because he was in on the One For All situation and needed to be able to use his quirk freely to help fight that secret war.

An even more telling case is that of the main character himself. Midoriya desperately wanted to “save” people, and from all the evidence we have in the early manga, as far as he was concerned, the only way for him to do that was to become a hero. He never even considered e.g. signing up for any volunteer programs around his neighborhood or joining the police. It’s like he never even considered the possibility of helping people via other channels.

And this is a consistent issue! People who don't think that they can become heroes train themselves (and are trained by society) into believing that they are powerless, that it isn’t their responsibility to help when they see trouble, leading to things like Shimura Tenko's “long walk,” where countless people look at a child of five, bloody and alone, and then make the conscious decision to look away, because “a hero will help.”

Hell, it even spills over onto actual heroes, who in the first chapter stand around like chumps waiting for “someone with a better quirk” to come and do something about the sludge villain, because they don’t have the perfect quirk to solve the problem themselves, so they don’t even try.

Of course, even if they did try, it might not be welcomed. Consider cases where people wanted to do good, like Gentle Criminal or Vigilantes' Koichi, but had their road to heroism blocked—this led them to villainy or vigilantism, which in turn can lead to arrest and possible prison time, with all the attendant stigma.

Restricting quirk use to heroes-only has impacts beyond just how it distorts people’s desire to help, too. Evidence in the manga suggests that some people feel a stronger biological drive to use their quirks than others. What options do those people have, then, if their quirks—or their personalities—don’t seem naturally cut out for heroism?

In Tamaki Amajiki’s flashback in Chapter 140, a teacher tells his class, “People make fine use of their quirks at any number of jobs. Being a hero’s not the only option. How will you be useful to society in the future? That’s what we’re here to explore in quirk training.” This is the scene in the manga that most explicitly tells us that other avenues for quirk use exist, but we’re never once shown what those avenues might be. At best, this suggests that those avenues are drastically limited (e.g. only available to those whose quirks are deemed “useful to society”) and/or poorly explained to people in-universe—else why would Uraraka have chosen heroism despite her lack of interest in it if she could have just gotten some kind of job license for her quirk? At worst, it’s an example of Horikoshi throwing in a line that contradicts the surrounding canon. Either way, we’re left with people who feel a strong drive to use their quirks being pressured into heroism or straying into villainy for lack of other acceptable outlets.

All of these issues could be mitigated by less draconian restrictions on quirks—which Destro's followers are the only characters in the manga we've actively seen pushing for, rather than just heard about second-hand—and by not using an ideologically charged word like “heroes” to describe a glorified independent police force. Allowing people to freely use their quirks[54] means fewer people being pushed into a heroics job they're unsuited for, means fewer people being pushed into villainy, means a more rounded view on how quirks can be used, leading to less quirk-based prejudice and less—well, let’s talk some about false dichotomies.

All For Nothing, Nothing For All

Shigaraki stands as a fundamental accusation of the way the hero/civilian dynamic exacerbates the Bystander Effect, making people think of themselves as powerless, while at the same time putting untenable pressure on heroes to be perfect victory machines who don't experience pain or doubt or weakness. He further attests that this dynamic pushes out people who don't fit either category—victim or hero—making them villains. This is one of the fundamental thematic conflicts of the series—is one hero enough? Are heroes themselves enough? What are heroes, what do they fight, and what should they be fighting? Who deserves to be “saved” and what does it mean, anyway, to “save” someone? What happens to the people who aren’t saved? How will the world grapple with the consequences, the resentment, that stem from that failure?

In his work Underground, written to grapple with and criticize the way Japanese media covered the sarin gas attacks, author Murakami Haruki talked about the response to the incident being to call the members of Aum Shinrikyo evil, insane, diseased, other. They were spoken of as a monstrous fringe that could not have been predicted, about which nothing could have been done, rather than examined as bright, well-educated young people who by all accounts ought to have had good futures ahead of them but instead spiraled down into a doomsday cult. Murakami asserted that, because the Japanese public was unwilling to ask how and why that happened, was unwilling to self-examine, the country was locking itself into a repeating cycle. Memorably, he wrote, “Most Japanese seem ready to pack up the whole incident in a trunk labeled THINGS OVER AND DONE WITH,” to describe this resolute incuriosity, the strong aversion to looking into the face of evil and trying to find the humanity within it.

In this post and its follow-up, tumblr user @robotlesbianjavert discusses the problems that stem from that exact tendency as portrayed in My Hero Academia. She says, “Only making decisions that benefit the greater good is not the real solution that the narrative is rooting for. Not so long as it fails to recognize and address the needs of the victims that still come of it.” Hero Society will never stop creating its own villains so long as, every time it fails people, it does nothing but shrug and write off the victims as unavoidable, inevitable sacrifices for the greater good.

I would also like to highlight her point—which I hope she one day posts her own full essay on—about the way All For One and One For All serve as two extreme poles of equally unsustainable visions for society. This dynamic is all over the manga.

There are the characters of AFO and his younger brother themselves, each forever locked in battle to prove the correctness of his own way of thinking, and forever talking past the other even when they’re face to face.

There’s the contrast of heroes, giving their all to help strangers even when it hurts the people they love, with villains, giving their all to help the people they love even when it hurts strangers.

The flaws in the One For All model can be seen in the multilayered ravages it inflicted on All Might physically, emotionally, and socially. Thus, one for all is not always ideal.

The strengths of the All For One model can be seen in a team of heroes and police combining their efforts and will to help one single person—Eri. Nighteye even highlights this with his speech about everyone’s efforts coalescing into Midoriya and helping him to “twist fate.” Thus, all for one is not always about selfishness.

Once you start looking for it, this duality shows up everywhere, and I think—I hope—it’s an angle Horikoshi is conscious of. The obvious solution is that the extremes of this society are all undesirable—that total selflessness and total selfishness are equally unsustainable, and both are, ultimately, damaging. A more holistic approach is needed, yet if a holistic approach is what the manga ultimately proves to be seeking, it makes the mass arrest of the PLF particularly problematic, if it’s allowed to stand unchallenged. You cannot just choose not to see 115,000 dissatisfied people—some way or another, you have to reckon with them, and if you don’t do it in a way that actually helps them address whatever their core problem is, you’re just setting yourself up for more of the same further down the line.

The MLA believed that they were fighting for a just cause, for freedom, for the future. They absolutely had issues—Geten’s words indicate that much—but they were issues that would have been much better addressed by actually challenging them openly, rather than suppressing them. If they couldn’t get society to agree right away that the use of one’s quirk should be as unregulated as the use of one’s hands, maybe they would have accepted a tiered license approach to quirk use as a good starting compromise. If they wanted totally unhindered quirk use, such that people could murder with impunity? Well, that would never have gotten past the House of Representatives, but maybe a bill declaring that crimes committed by quirks should be treated no differently than crimes committed via any other means would have. A weeklong debate on the Diet floor would have stood a much greater chance of e.g. addressing the needs of the quirkless than the MLA alone would have bothered with.

The MLA didn’t get to have that kind of debate. Instead, they ran headfirst into Shigaraki Tomura, who made them far more dangerous. And yet… For all that Shigaraki twisted them, he didn’t change them so much that Re-Destro couldn’t still see the light of his ideals within them. Furthermore, even though the PLF didn’t win the battle we call the War Arc, it may be that they’re well on their way to winning the actual war.

“The Seeds Are Already Sown”

So what did the PLF actually want? Well, we have a few sources on that—Shigaraki’s desire to destroy “everything,” the cloned Re-Destro’s vision of liberation through “order without order,” and so forth. But a very instructive place to look is Hawks’ doomsaying in Chapter 258. While the PLF is a bit too scattered or imprisoned to appreciate it, a shocking number of the things Hawks laid out for the audience have actually come about, even if they didn’t happen exactly as the PLF planned. Consider:

Bring down the status quo by annihilating all heroes. Heroes—a number of whom died the day of the raid—are retiring in mass numbers. As the manga describes it, they are “being put through a sieve.” They certainly haven’t all been annihilated, but the ones remaining are having to do the work with little in the way of thanks or glory—the false heroes Stain spoke of have left the table.

They plan to attack all major cities at once throughout the nation. Gigantomachia stampeded over more than twenty cities in the space of less than an hour. A bunch of them were surely not major cities, but all the same, it was a rampage that caught the heroes almost completely off-guard (because they were all tied up arresting the PLF and didn’t think Machia would be an issue), leading to massive collateral damage and unspeakable loss of life.

With society brought to a lawless standstill… Thanks to AFO’s prison breaks, a bunch of villains are now out there raising hell to their hearts’ content, and there aren’t enough heroes around to always respond in a timely fashion. They’re having to open up schools as shelter zones, evacuating entire cities, which the common people respond to predictably poorly, leading to groups of people who were not previously villainous deciding to take the law into their own hands.

…Re-Destro and the Hearts & Minds Party will storm the political world. In Chapter 297, the less openly fascist guard worries that the remaining factions of the HMP[55] will still be stirring up trouble on the political front, especially given the enormous wave of brand-new complaints about human rights violations that he doubtlessly figured were incoming.

They will distribute weapons and extol the virtues of self-defense, calling it true freedom. Whether Detnerat picked up the pace of its black-market support goods sales, bankrolled Giran doing the same, or some other groups—yakuza, perhaps—stepped up, we already know that there are weapons and support goods circulating throughout society, and that people are using them for self-defense.

These people will throw the world into chaos and enthrone Shigaraki atop the rubble. The second coming of All For One. Far more so than anyone in the PLF would have wanted, this one has come horribly true with the AFO vestige’s possession of Shigaraki.[56]

While it is perhaps karmic that the PLF is in no position to enjoy the fruits of their villainous efforts, it’s striking how much of what they wanted has come about anyway. And how much of this can really be undone or wound back? Complete societal breakdown isn’t the kind of genie you can easily rebottle, and this, I think, is particularly illustrated by the civilians Yo and Tatami encounter in Chapter 307.

I’d like to wind this essay down by zooming in on that encounter somewhat.

The group of people the Ketsubutsu pair encounter in 307 are not nice, but neither are they violent. Having, like so many others, lost faith in heroes to protect them, they want only to protect their hometown and for heroes to leave them be. They’ve fended off a few small-time villain attacks and are bluntly uninterested in cooperating with condescending heroes (an impression Yo is not helping to mitigate) who have done nothing but disappoint them.

The spokesman in particular feels to me like someone who’s suffered a significant personal loss. The shadow over his eyes here is telling. (Chapter 307)

When Muscular shows up, they are 100% ready to put their lives where their mouths are. They are all in the process of charging outside, first to stop their town from suffering more damage, then to back up a hero kid they just got done telling to buzz off. And you know? It’s possible—probable, even!—that Muscular would have murdered every last one of them, and them charging in to fight him would have led to a horrific tragedy, one more to stack atop the pile.

And yet, while the narrative doesn’t allow them to actually assist,[57] neither does it entirely rebuke them, in the end. When all is said and done, the civilians agree to hear Tatami and Yo out, and they help Tatami get Yo inside for medical attention. The leader is a little abashed, but he doesn’t bow his head and admit to being wrong; his group doesn’t meekly submit to being herded to shelter. And that’s because the narrative is—wisely—unwilling to say that they’re wrong.

After all, how could it?

Midoriya Izuku and the jaded civilian's instincts. (Chapters 1 and 307)

For a last comparison, remember that in the first chapter, Midoriya Izuku—quirkless, untrained Midoriya Izuku—dove into a fight he had no way of winning, no way of even affecting. All he was doing was endangering himself and making the sludge villain even harder to target. Still, All Might and the narrative alike praised him for his action, because it was driven by a “desire to save.” In Chapter 307, a group of undertrained civilians witnesses a high school boy being attacked by the highest tier of villain their society knows, a Tartarus escapee, a gleeful and unrepentant serial killer with a devastatingly powerful quirk. Their response is to gather up their weapons and numbers and dive in to try and help. Regardless of the weakness of their quirks, regardless of their lack of training, regardless of the danger to their lives, their instinct is the same as Midoriya’s was back then—“the desire to save.”

How could the narrative possibly tell us that they're wrong?

And if they aren’t wrong, this group of people who are so very close to the vision the PLF had for the world after their revolution, the narrative simply cannot expect to retain the slightest hint of credibility if it tries to tell us that the PLF are worth nothing more than an authorial handwave and the slamming of a cell door.

Conclusion

What we are seeing in the manga now is a society that is fumbling towards a new way. It isn’t perfect; it has a lot of wrinkles to iron out. Yet in some ways, if this is a society that has gone back in time, it is also a society that has a chance to chart a different path forward than it did before, a more inclusive path, a more balanced one. Heroes can still exist in the same way that surgeons and emergency responders exist, but that doesn't mean people throw their first aid kits in the garbage.

People protest that untrained civilians using their quirks leads to collateral damage, and that's true. The same would be true, however, if a nation that relied solely on public transit suddenly faced the total breakdown of that system and found that, if they wanted to get anywhere farther than walking distance, they had to get behind the wheel of a car and drive there themselves with no previous experience handling a motor vehicle. With some basic training, or perhaps a test and associated license that is as ubiquitous as a driver's license, how much of the collateral damage caused by civilians fighting might be reduced? How might people feel more empowered to act when necessary?

I very much want to see that future in the manga. It will feel terribly bitter, however, if the people who always believed in that future the most don’t get to see it themselves.

Bit characters are bit characters, I know. Terrorists in fiction don’t typically get to walk away scot-free. But numbers aren’t just numbers, even in fiction, even when they’re villains. If all Horikoshi wanted was a sufficiently large, scary threat to throw his heroes up against, he should have stuck with mindless Noumu or maniacal robots. He didn’t. He chose to make that threat human. He cannot now choose to dehumanize the threat, just because those humans are no longer convenient to his story.

Or at least, he can’t make me look at his doing so as anything other than appalling—ahistorical, absurd, and unsustainable.

Come back next time for sources and further reading.

-----------------------------------------------------

[51] And yes, as always, I do think that Geten-whose-name-means-Apocrypha is a radical, not a reliable barometer for the MLA norm.

[52] Contrasting Toga, the standard-bearer for bad quirks on the villain side.

[53] We don’t know if that practice—so widespread it became the subject of a long-running TV program—survived the Advent and raised crime rate, but if it didn’t, that only further suggests that kids wandering the streets unattended are probably in need of assistance.

[54] Within the same bounds other freedoms exist, e.g. they’re not unduly burdening others.

[55] Small political parties in Japan merge and fragment all the time, particularly in times of crisis, so it’s not surprising that the HMP has some sub-groups. I am somewhat surprised that these factions themselves weren’t dissolved as well, given the heavy-handedness on display everywhere else. This is about the only thing that suggests that the arrests might not be as totally over-the-top as is otherwise implied, though really, if that’s the case, it just brings us back to the problem of all the people who probably slipped the net if the HPSC did opt to undercompensate.

[56] Another enormous thematic issue I have with tossing away the PLF like this is that it renders Shigaraki and the League’s hard-fought victories in My Villain Academia all but meaningless—worse than meaningless, since settling into the villa instead of staying on the run or bunking up with Ujiko wound up losing them Twice—but that’s more a problem with the writing of Shigaraki’s arc than the themes of the series as a whole. Certainly, fumbling Shigaraki’s arc will have a nigh-incomparable impact on the themes of the series as a whole, but there’s time to salvage his situation yet, so I’m crossing my fingers and reserving judgement on that for now.

[57] It should have.

#bnha analysis #bnha meta #paranormal liberation front #meta liberation army #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha #bnha spoilers #my writing #plf arrests #stillness has salt

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rosequartzstarswrites · 3 years

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20 Questions for Writers

Thank you @cheesyficwriter for the tag!

How many works do you have on AO3?

What's your total AO3 word count?

351,699

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

As of now, I have only written for Harry Potter; however, in February I began several LOTR/Hobbit WIPs that I have not yet published. The first one is due out at the start of September though!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In Another Universe: Hermione Granger is brilliant: she completed her PhD in Linguistics at 25, and is the youngest faculty member at the University. Ron Weasley, an unruly quantum physicist... well, he's getting there. But when Granger gets stacked with a project she hates and has to talk to other scholars at the University, their paths cross and become permanently intertwined in a way neither of them could've ever anticipated. (Slow Burn Multichap Muggle Uni AU) Rated T.

Rosebury Grounds: Lady Hermione Granger has been reared up in society, to marry well and be a good housewife, like any good Edwardian lady, but that's far from what she wants. When a handyman by the name of Ronald Weasley joins the house staff, utterly disarming her from the moment they first meet, he might just be the opportunity she needs to break loose and choose her own destiny.Lord Draco Malfoy has a secret— a secret he knows would cost him everything if it ever saw the light. But it's getting harder and harder to keep it from his father, because Draco keeps bumping into a pair of emerald eyes and a head of lush black hair, and he can't pretend his knees don't buckle at the sight. Which would be quite alright, if not for one small problem: it's not a woman they belong to.Two tales of forbidden love, set in Edwardian England. (Multichap Muggle AU) Rated M.

Something Growing: Hermione’s pregnant— and she’s freaking out. She’s always been good at everything, but she’s not sure that’ll hold for being a mother; however, when Ron gets home earlier than expected, she realizes she doesn’t need to be great at everything so long as she’s got him beside her. (Oneshot) Rated G.

Big in Japan: Harry Potter is a famous rockstar out on a world tour— but when one too many meet-and-greets threatens to drive him insane, he takes an escapade out into the streets of Tokyo, where he ends up at an expat bar with a captivating redhead that seems totally unaware of who he is, or why she should know him at all, for that matter. (Muggle AU oneshot) Rated E.

Teaspoon Vindication: After escaping Malfoy Manor, Ron comes to visit Hermione in her room at Shell Cottage, and does the one thing that may be the hardest for him— talking about his feelings. (Romione oneshot)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try my best, though I don’t always get to all of them! My reasoning is that if folks are kind enough to tell me how much they enjoyed my writing, the least I can do is thank them for their lovely words.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

The Last Farewell! It’s a Wolfstar oneshot, set in canon universe, where Remus comes to Sirius’s grave to ask for his blessing (and forgiveness) to marry Tonks. It was angst central from the start and I even wrote it while listening to an angsty song.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

I generally write happy, fade-to-black endings, but if I had to choose I’d say Truth or Dare. This is a male!Hermione x Ron summer camp AU born of a game of spin-the-bottle/truth-or-dare that ends with them figuring out their feelings go beyond friendship. I say it is the happiest ending because I think the “boy figuring out he likes boys” scenario has been overdone in angst a bit too much, and the fact that the feelings are reciprocated and they decide to stay in touch would make me giddy if I was their age and in their shoes. Anyway, it’s just a sweet ending.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

Not at all— I actually don’t like crossovers at all, so I have never even entertained reading, let alone writing, one. (No hate at all to those with imaginations large and strong enough to conjure up awesome crossovers— I am in awe of you all, they’re just not for me!)

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Never, luckily, since the Romione community is so lovely and supportive! But, though not outright hate, for a while I had an anonymous FFN reviewer who left reviews on every chapter of Rosebury Grounds saying that my title was a porn/sex act...? I was distraught and scoured Google to see if they really were right and this was some obscure euphemism I’d entirely missed, but turns out it wasn’t, and they had gotten confused with a vulgar but similar term. So I ignored those reviews but they kept coming and then eventually one time I found a 500 word very graphic description of the sex act in question in my reviews, so desperate was the reviewer (apparently) to get their (wrong) point across. Yikes.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! I’ve written a lot and of many kinds— explicit, implied, just foreplay, fade-to-black, referenced... I’ve written both M/F and M/M.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No— I didn’t even know that was something I should worry about!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I speak fluent Spanish, so I’m planning on translating In Another Universe and Rosebury Grounds myself once I’ve finished the latter.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, the most I’ve done is beta from the plot-building stage!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Gahhhh don’t make me pick! Romione (HP) is first in my heart because I see so much of myself and what I want in it, but Samfro (LOTR) is, to me, the truest depiction of love in all of literature, ever. I will forever come back to it.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I hope to finish my Hogwarts Actually series that I started for Romionecom (hi, Discord friends!) inspired by Love Actually. I have it all planned out, translating all the relationships in the movie to HP pairings and friendships, and all I need to do is write— but I think I’ll come back to this periodically and unoften. Hopefully I’ll finish it!

What are your writing strengths?

I like to think that I write good and witty dialogue. I’m a theatre person, so I think my dialogue sounds mostly natural when spoken. I also have a good sense of beginning and ending, so most of my works/chapters start and end with a memorable phrase of some sort. I also have excellent grammar and spelling, so except for a few occasional typos, that makes the job of proofing much easier!

What are your writing weaknesses?

I think I sometimes write sentences that are waaaay too long and convoluted. I use words that are too big sometimes and just take approachability from my writing. Fanfic has been excellent to practice correcting this, though!

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

As a bilingual writer myself— don’t write dialogue in other languages unless you speak it well or get it translated directly through someone who speaks it well. Though I appreciate the effort, I can always tell when something was put through Google Translate, and that kind of dialogue most often ends up lacking the context clues/colloquial familiarity of real language speakers, and ends up sounding stiff and forced.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I’m not proud of it, but I used to write MCR RPF back when I was 13 or so. It was a very brief stint and I have since deleted the works in their entirety, since my principles have evolved to the place where RPF to me seems disrespectful and invasive. Plus, it was on Wattpad.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

Again, don’t make me pick please!! I truly have had a lot of fun with Rosebury and I think it is a testament to how much I love it that I was able to keep the idea on hold for a full six months before I started writing it. I love the Downton setting and the Edwardian dialogue is a lot of fun to me. But I also have a soft spot for the In Another Universe original oneshot I submitted to the RFF2020— that work awoke my love for Muggle AUs (which I like to think I’m most known for), inspired me to start work on my first multichap fic, and keeps me coming back to it anytime I have doubt in my ability to write swoonworthy scenes. It was the oneshot that started it all.

Tagging: @accio-broom @be11atrixthestrange @folk-melody (and anyone else who would like to!)

#fanfiction #fanfic writer #rosequartzstars #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #fanfic author

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tomboyneedshercoffee · 5 years

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Who’s in Charge Pt2 || Maze Runner X Reader

Summary: Y/N does her best to make Teresa feel welcome in a glade full of boys, but one particular greenie ruins her plans and makes her question her insanity.

Word Count: 2.4k

Author’s note: This is somewhat a continuation off of Who’s in charge and If i continue this mini series, I really want to explore the idea of being a girl in a leadership role. Not only that but the somewhat glamorization of how awesome it would be to be the only girl in a glade cause unless they all look like Minho, that would be TERRIFYING. I love attention but goddamn Y/N in any fanfic fandom is an attention WHORE!

Warning: LOTS OF CUSSING, incel type shit ew, blood and wounds

Part one || Part two

A lot has changed in the glade in the past couple of months and as the first in command, it didn’t make your job any easier. After the greenie that disrespected you, the glade got two more people, a boy named Thomas and to your surprise, another girl. Her name was Teresa and although the two of you weren’t close, it was nice to have someone you felt like you could automatically trust.

The greenie you didn’t like very much was named Theodore and while everyone else called him Teddy, you always just called him greenie because he still acted like an immature shank. You haven’t had any interactions with him since but word from the other guys was that he would not stop gawking at Teresa.

“ Has anyone seen Teddy? Fry said he hasn’t been back since lunch,” Newt asked as you continued to write down the medical inventory to help out Jeff.

“ Yeah I saw him go down to the huts about 10 minutes ago. He looked like he was in a hurry,” Jeff said as he pointed over towards the window with his pencil.

This wasn’t the first time Teddy had flaked on his duties but after your altercation with him, Newt was usually the one to reprimand him.

You rolled your eyes as you looked down at your clipboard,” I’ll go find him. I have to stop by Teresa’s room anyway since she’s gonna help me rebuild the fence with John and Gavin.”

Newt leaned against the doorway and picked up a small bandage to wrap his finger with,” How’s she liking the glade so far?”

“ I mean, as much as she can like it. I think she’s after Thomas yeah?” You said, raising your eyebrows at him, as you walked out the door with Newt following close behind,” I swear those lovebirds are hiding something. Something tells me that it isn’t all just love at first sight.”

“ Well you’re never wrong so I’ll keep an eye out,” Newt laughed softly as the two of you parted ways.

You continued to walk across the Glade at a normal pace, not so much enjoying the glade itself but the quietness of today. You knew Minho and Thomas were gonna be back any minute and those two were always responsible for the rambunctious crowd of boys every night so you savored the trip.

Given that Teresa was a bit nervous with all of the boys around, you gave up your hut so that way she would have some privacy. Although Teresa seemed to be really familiar with Thomas, you knew that sleeping outside surrounded by boys wasn’t the safest feeling. You did miss how your hut was tucked a bit away from everyone else and that the big tree near your window gave you cool shade during the harsh sun. But it was just for the time being, whenever that was.

You knocked on the door and heard Teresa’s voice on the other side,” One second! I’m changing!”

You gave a quick response and waited outside her door, tapping your fingers against your clipboard in an unknown beat. Once you stopped tapping, you heard something rustle in the leaves on the other side of the hut that was covered by a small part of the forest. You scrunched your eyebrows together as you walked over, thinking that maybe it was just another rabbit.

When you turned the corner, you saw Teddy watching through the corner of Teresa’s window. You looked through the window to find Teresa already stripping off her top which made Teddy hold his breath.

Without thinking, you stomped over and grabbed the back of Teddy’s shirt before dragging him away from the window. I knew I should’ve listened to Alby to make those stupid ugly curtains. Teddy let out a loud yelp as you dragged him farther away and closer to the center of the glade where some of the boys were building another shelter.

“ You stupid fucking pervert!” You shouted as you practically launched him onto the dirt,” you’re disgusting! After everything, this place has done for you and you think you can spy on women like some kind of ...stalker!”

You were well past mad, you had never felt anything like this before. Your whole body felt like it was building up with pure steam, almost ready to explode like hot dynamite. You were nothing short but disgusted, out of your whole time living in the glade, none of the boys had ever done something so terrible.

“ R-Relax! I wasn’t even doing anything wrong-”

You didn’t know what came over you, maybe it was because you hadn’t slept all day or because you hadn’t gotten mad in so long so you were practically itching to get into a fight. You felt your legs pump more blood than ever and in an instant, you pounced on him and started slamming your fists into his face without mercy.

You felt like a well-oiled machine, every time you smashed your fist against his body, you felt your other arm recoil and do the same thing over and over again. You couldn’t even pay attention to anything that was happening around you, all you could do was throw punches. With every punch, you still managed to yell through your gritted teeth,” Ungrateful! Little! Pig!”

Even with his limp, Newt was the fastest to make it over to where you were and tried to rip you away from Teddy, yelling at you to stop. Gally, who was nearby building the shelter, practically picked you up off of Teddy but you still struggled against him.

“ Y/N! You need to calm down-”

“ I am tired of people telling me that to calm down! I am calm!” You shouted as you breathed heavy against Gally, who was using all of his strength to hold you back,” he’s a disgusting pig!”

“ What the hell is going on?” you craned your neck to see Thomas and Minho jogging over to where everyone seemed to circle. You laughed out loud, knowing that once Minho found out what Teddy had done, he would be toast.

Gally let you go and dropped you to the floor not so gently,” There’s been a slight problem. Y/N and Teddy-”

“ Slight problem?” You exclaimed as Minho came to your side, helping you up all while looking at your bloody and bruised knuckles,” Teddy was watching Teresa through her window while she was changing. That isn’t a slight problem Gally! How would you like it if he peeked through your window!”

While some boys laughed at your comment, Minho and Thomas’s head snapped towards Teddy, who was still lying on the ground but sat up on his elbows. His nose was bleeding and by the looks of it, you were sure you gave him two black eyes.

“ She’s lying! She just started attacking me out of nowhere cause she’s fucking crazy!” Teddy spat out blood as you tried to lunge at him again but Thomas pulled you back.

“ What did you just say?” Minho said through gritted teeth as he started walking towards Teddy but Newt and Gally both stepped in between Minho,” say that again, I dare you.”

“ Everyone just stop!” Newt snapped as he turned to look up at Minho,” take Y/N somewhere to cool off while Thomas and I will take Teddy to Clint. Don’t do anything stupid.”

Minho nodded all while keeping his eyes locked on Teddy’s bloody face. Minho was stubborn and as much as he wanted to bash Teddy’s head in, he knew when it was right to follow the chain of command. You shook Thomas’s grip off of your shoulders as your eyes caught Teresa’s, her face flushed in embarrassment.

Before you could muster out a word, Teresa took off back towards your hut, pushing past a group of gladers who were crowding around. You took one sweeping glare towards all the loitering glader’s which made them all spread out back to their posts.

“ Let me patch you up back real quick. You look badass but your knuckles look gross,” Minho hesitated as he attempted to ease the tension in the air and his own blood pressure.

You looked between Minho and where you last saw Teresa, wondering where she could be. You couldn’t imagine how terrified she must have been, especially since she probably saw you beat the hell out of Teddy like there was no tomorrow.

“ Just give me a few minutes, I’m going to go find Teresa,” You said as you rubbed your fingers over your battered fists,” I think she just needs someone to talk to after all of that.”

You and Minho said your goodbyes and before you knew it, you found Teresa on the edge of the deadheads picking at the grass laid before her. You awkwardly sat down next to her and from the looks of it, she had just finished crying.

“ I want to say sorry for what you might have seen. The last thing I wanted to do was scare you or to make you think I’m such a violent person,” You apologized as you watched her expression carefully,” but I’m even more sorry that your privacy was invaded on. I promise you, I will do everything in my power to fix this.”

Instead of giving a sad look, Teresa smiled and let out a dry laugh,” No offense, but there isn’t anything you can do to fix this. It’s literally in their DNA to be so stupid.”

You were completely taken aback. Yes, nothing could ever take back what happened to Teresa but she couldn’t be talking about all of the guys in the glade, could she?

“ I don’t think that’s true and neither do you. Teddy is a sexist pervert for sure but plenty of the glader’s are nice guys. One bad seed doesn’t make the whole tree go rotten,” You said thoughtfully, not wanting to undermine Teresa’s experience.

Teresa turned to you and thought for a moment,” So when you first came up in the box, you weren’t terrified of being the only girl?”

“ Well, I was just terrified because I was alone for the longest time until Newt came up,” You admitted but then you really tried to give your honest opinion,” but yeah, I guess I felt different when more boys would get sent up. It’s not that I was scared at first but I just didn’t know what to expect with all those...hormones.”

You realized that you had never said that out loud before; revealing your feelings for being the only girl in the glade before Teresa and once you actually said it, you felt something wash over you. You weren’t sure if it was sadness or guilt or shame, but you didn’t feel good about your emotions right then and there.

Teresa noticed this too and didn’t say anything else, allowing you to speak more.

You cleared your throat, not even thinking of the right words to say because all you wanted to do was spill everything you had bottled up for years,” The more boys the box sent up, the more stares I would get, even if I was just bending over to pick something up. It felt gross knowing that they were eyeing me up and down like I was just some piece of meat but all of a sudden when it came to me being in a leadership position, they all acted as if I suddenly didn’t matter.”

“I completely understand how you feel. It’s like a cruel joke; they want you around to help engage their sexual fantasies but once you make an executive decision, you’re not fun to be around,” Teresa said, thinking about her past memories of being one of the few female researchers at WCKD,” are they still like that with you now?”

“ I hardly catch any eyes thanks to Minho being as protective as he is but I wonder if he’s just doing that out of the kindness of his heart or because he is trying to get in my pants,” you laughed honestly, knowing that in your heart he was genuinely a sweet guy,” but I don’t know. I can tell sometimes they don’t take me seriously. Remember that last meeting we had and when I gave my proposal, no one really cared but when Newt said it two minutes later, everyone thought he was a genius. I don’t think they mean to do it but it still hurts.”

That was something you were always insecure about; not being taken seriously. You were reminded of that every month when a new glader would show up and they assumed you weren’t the first in command. How was it that you all had no past memories yet in the glade, they already had some form of prejudice against you? You didn’t understand that in a world filled with hardly any societal norms that you were still treated unfairly.

“ But I love everyone here with the exception of a few. At the end of the day, we’re pretty much family. As much as Minho annoys me or how much Newt pesters me, they’re the greatest friends in the world,” You said as you thought back to all of the times they had your back,” but shuck I wish I had a day of peace without the boys tearing down the glade. I just want to get out of this goddamn place already.”

Teresa nodded sympathetically, but knowing that she was one of the reasons you were here trapped, she said nothing.

After a moment of silence, Teresa wanted to clear her head of WCKD’s old thoughts,” What are you going to do about Teddy?”

After this whole discussion, you had completely forgotten why you had come over in the first place.

“ Honestly, I don’t know yet. We’ll keep him in the slammer until we figure something out. Whatever it is though, I know it won’t be enough for how you were violated. I really am sorry that happened to you Teresa, is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” You asked as Teresa smiled and gave your hand a small squeeze.

“ I’m just glad I have someone to talk to.”

You nodded as you sat there, not being able to hold in your smile.

Me too.

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gypsydanger01 · 4 years

Text

THE STORM - Part eight

Fandom: The Boys (Amazon prime tv series)

Pairing: Black Noir x OC

Disclaimer: I don’t own The Boys, only my OC characters and certain pieces of au plot.

A/N: So here’s part eight!! It’s the first of two parts I’m dedicating to the Origins of the OC character. It explains her ties to Vought and the reason why she’s plotting against them. There is no Black Noir in this chapter :( but it’s important for the story. The next chapter will explain her connection to Mallory, and then after that you’ll be seeing much more interaction with our boy Black Noir!!

Comments, reviews, constructive criticism, and other requests are always more than welcome!

Posting new chapters on Wednesday and Friday!

The Beginning

That night she found herself running in her dreams, just as she did every time she let herself sleep. It always revolved around the beginning of it all, the birth of what plagued her and would haunt her for the rest of her life. She always found herself back at square one, Vought Laboratories.

When she’d been diagnosed with a rare form of immune disease, her parents had been devastated at the lack of resources or therapies available. They’d do anything for her, and they scoured the country’s best hospitals and universities for medicines and potential therapies. Greg and Tara wanted their little girl cured, they wanted her to get a chance at life.

Finally, they found an experimental drug going through clinical trials that might’ve proved successful in correcting the genetic error that was triggering her immune system into attacking her own cells. A team of recruiters from Vought had approached them one day at a hospital, while she’d been getting ready for a check-up. They said they’d investigated her case and had spots available in their trials should she want to try it out. Since the medicine was still under observation, they could only assure an 85% rate of success, and at a lower price. They visited their home multiple times with fliers, power points and data. They assured her parents of the drug’s safety. While it worked in 85% of the patients it never demonstrated any kind of risk or dangerous counter effects. Her parents stayed skeptical for many months, asking questions, and raising concerns, but what ultimately pushed them was their daughter’s heart failure and hospitalization.

She was nine at the time. And as her time quickly diminished, Greg and Tara hurried and signed her up for the program. The experts and physicians at Vought visited her and gathered all of her information before quickly drafting the appropriate dosage for her. She’d have to stay at Vought Laboratories’ clinic far from the city, isolated from the outside world. They had explained this by pointing out the fragile state of her immune system, and the need for her to recover in a safe environment. Lies, so many lies.

The first months went by smoothly, and while she missed her parents, the little girl played with her new friends enjoying the renewed energy coursing through her body. She could run again, and dance and hop without needing to lie down. She could see her parents through a glass window during visitation day every week and they, too, felt relief when they saw her so lively, so different from the pale, skeletal figure she’d been after her hospitalization. Tara felt horrible over the first weeks of not having her at home, not being able to care for her and simply hold her daughter. But when she saw her on the other side of the glass pane, she couldn’t imagine stripping this opportunity away from her.

“Mommy, mommy, look,” the little girl would call while twirling and running around the room, jumping in excitement.

Tara pressed her hand against the glass, eyes brimmed with tears.

“Yes, honey, I see—you’re so strong now.”

The little girl just nodded enthusiastically.

A year later is when the trouble started. She had almost reached the end of therapy when she was moved to another section of the clinic with another small group of kids ranging from about ten to fourteen years old. They were shown a power point explaining their purpose in the project. She hadn’t understood at that time, but she now knew what they meant to say was “guinea pigs.” Basically, the drugs they had been taking had modified certain sequences in their genome in a way that diverged from other subjects. They wanted to understand why, as well as see how far they could go. They concluded by saying that they might end up with powers.

Now, superheroes already existed even though they weren’t yet such an important trademark. But people believed they were born that way. And here you had scientists telling young, impressionable children that they could develop powers even though they weren’t born with them. One can only imagine how they awaited with glee for the program to start.

The children saw their parents less and less, and this was explained by their busy schedule of medical visits, tests, activities, school, and sports which were all provided in this secluded, isolated section of the clinic. What they were actually doing was being subjected to insane amounts of physical and psychological stress. Now the drug had proceeded to cure and further improve their cell genes, but there was a need for an environmental stressor to induce the mutation’s manifestation. They had to wake these new, dormant genes, and for this reason they did atrocious things.

One kid, Norman, presented a gene that is found in organisms that can breathe underwater. They proceeded to force him underwater and keep him there until he was on the brink of drowning.

Another one, Chloe, was thought to be able to heal as her genome held a gene commonly found in animals capable of regrowing a limb, such as lizards. They cut, burned, and maimed her for results.

Some of the children ended up developing a reaction to the duress, awakening their evolved genes. Others died from the intensity of the physical torture. And of those who successfully became enhanced, only few ultimately survived due to the instability of their mutation.

A comment frequently noted by the physicians when taking the patients’ parameters was that the reaction, the gene’s manifestation tended to grow stronger and stronger ‘till it became unsuitable for life. In other words, it ended up killing the host.

Greg and Tara’s little girl too endured the process to achieve greatness, as they had called it. And at first, she’d been enthusiastic, dreaming of becoming a superhero. She stayed up late after-hours skimming through comic books brought in by the therapists. Only later would she understand they had preyed on their naivety and dreams. The children grew obsessed with becoming like the characters in the comic books. The little boys dreamed of becoming like Homelander, and the little girls dreamed of flying.

Greg and Tara couldn’t know that their little one, instead of learning in class, spent her morning being constantly electrocuted. The physicians had high hopes for her and projected that she’d be able to conduct great amounts of energy through her body without burning or dying from electrocution. Her feet in freezing cold water, she sat in a hard, metal chair with a wired contraption wrapped over her forehead.

Every day, she was subjected to shocks of increasing intensity. They talked of “jerking her awake,” hoping that the right shock would trigger her genes into working against the effects of the shock. Finally, one morning, the pain subsided, and she began to absorb the energy rather than try to escape it. It felt odd to her, a warmth pervading her completely. The physicians were beyond content, they were amazed by her abilities. She was a success. They quickly learned she was able to absorb different forms of energy and transfer it. She practiced sticking a finger in an electrical socket before touching the objects laid in front of her. Immediately, the object would fly away, scalding hot.

But the initial glee of having powers slowly faded away, and the girl who was turning twelve wanted it to be over. She just wanted to go home. She yearned to call her mommy and daddy to come and take her away, and every time she saw a cell phone laying around, she subconsciously moved towards it. Unfortunately, she didn’t know their numbers.

She talked about it with the clinic’s therapist.

“Why is this coming up now? Is something wrong?”

The girl fidgeted in her seat, “I just want to go home.”

The therapist gave her a stretched smile, cold and far too wide.

“I understand you miss your mommy and daddy, but you have to stay so we can make sure you’re okay.”

She whined, “But I’m doing better.”

“I know, honey, but—”

The little girl grew fussy and cut her off, “I want my mommy.” When the therapist began to comfort her with empty promises, that distinct feeling of total warmth spread throughout her body. Her eyes shined a light blue, like lasers ready to sizzle anything in front of her, and the therapist immediately stopped speaking.

“There’s no need for that, we’ll set up a visitation day,” she quickly granted, gathering her folder and leaving the room.

The girl grew increasingly aggressive and wouldn’t allow the physicians to touch her. She didn’t want anyone but her parents.

When the day finally came, her parents were ecstatic to see and spend some time with her after two weeks of not being able to contact her. The therapy had worked, and they were thankful to Vought, but what they saw that day haunted the last few minutes of their lives. Their daughter looked ghastly, caramel skin chalky and dry. Her eyes were tired and dark bags hung under her eyes. To her mother’s horror, she looked as sick as her days in and out of hospitals before Vought’s medications. Tara pressed her hand to the glass, tears running down her face. The little girl immediately ran up to the glass, speaking fast.

“Please, I wanna go home,” she pleaded over and over, like a mantra of desperate hope.

Her father grew agitated and turned on her therapist who was also in the room to smooth things over. Certain things couldn’t be said and leave the building. It would bring the world’s ethics community down on all of their heads. This was worse than pumping Compound V into newborns. This was altering children’s DNA and torturing the survivors into an enhanced state of being.

“What happened to her? She was doing so well,” he exclaimed.

“Mr. Stacker, please there is no need to yell,” his face twisted in anger as she continued, “She has been rejecting the medications, we believe she hasn’t been taking them regularly as she’s supposed to.”

“She’s almost twelve, you’re supposed to check that she does that.”

The little girl was crying at this point, banging her little fists soundlessly against the glass.

“Mommy, help me.”

The therapist tried to grab the distressed parents’ attention, “If you could follow me, we can talk about this in more detail.”

“We can do that here,” Greg countered, “we’ve been here for not even five minutes and our daughter is crying out to us—you think we’ll just leave her?”

“No, sir—I just assumed—”

The girls pleading voice cut through her parents’ hearts, “They’re hurting me.”

Her father stared at her. What had they done? The choice had been difficult and ultimately, they decided between the therapy and her disease, between life and death. But if they were hurting her for all this time, it wasn’t life. It was solitary pain.

Tara was crying as she too turned on the therapist who wasn’t sure how to save the situation. Her father firmly stated what they’d both already decided, “We’re taking her home.”

“But sir, you signed a contract—”

“I don’t give a damn, she’s coming home—we can bash this out in court if you care about this contract that much.” He leaned closer, “But I’m sure you don’t want this whole project leaked, do you? What are you actually doing here?”

The therapist plucked her com from her pocket and quickly spoke into it, “We need security in visitation room number nine, I repeat, visitation room number nine.”

Tara erupted, “What do you mean security? You can’t take us away from her.”

“Like I was trying to say, the contract—"

The distressed mother screamed, “We don’t give a fuck about the contract—fucking sue us.”

And then all mayhem erupted. Four security guards burst into the room and quickly grabbed a hold on the two parents, trying to cuff them. Tara looked back at the little girl as they resisted.

“We’ll get you baby, okay? Marianna, look at me, you’re coming home.”

Her father punched a guard before being hit in the ribs with a baton. He fell to the floor and they were all onto him, beating and beating, not giving him the chance to stand back up. Tara screamed and tried to pry them from her husband before one swung at her and pushed her into a corner. The therapist quickly fled the scene, her heels clicking away.

The little girl watched and watched, and when she saw her father stop moving, when she saw her mother being tossed away, something snapped. It was like her center shifted, and an all-consuming anger pervaded her senses, taking over.

It happened so fast, her eyes lighting up, the building shaking, then the shattering blast.

When the dust finally settled, there was nothing left but a crater and a little girl lying amid the smoke and ashes. Curled up in a ball, shivering, she was the bomb still intact. She was the eye of the storm.

MASTERLIST

Tag list: @ateliefloresdaprimavera @ellejo @dust-bun @coco724 @proximio-5 @damiminator @omegahighendpro @rpgluvr95 @sweetrabbitteamx

#the boys #the boys amazon #black noir #the boys tv #the boys black noir #OC #oc story #black noir x oc #flashback #fanfiction

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aerltarg · 3 years

Note

2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 26, 27 from ask game

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?

oh, it's actually hard to answer bc pretty often my otps can work as brotps for me as well. it also means that when i can't ship some characters they don't work for me as friends either. not to mention that in asoiaf i'm open to many ships, and if i'm not very passionate about some it's not a sign i can't see them in romantic light.

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

may i say any sansa ship? 😭 as well as sansa herself lmao. idk generally i can't ship characters i don't like because i'm just not interested. and it's not to say i don't like book!sansa (show!sansa is another case 💀), i just don't find her arc as intriguing and epic as arcs of some other characters. however, it's absolutely her obnoxious fandom's fault that i don't want to touch anything about her now, pairings including. sansaery? pass. sansan? i used to have a soft spot for them in my heart but now? nah. sansa x anyone? pls have mercy, she's already a fandom bicycle.

and jonsa ofc. i would never mind some crack ship as i do this one if not for their obnoxious stans that did way too much to list there right now. but this burning desire to persuade every rock on the street that your crack ship is canon will never stop being ridiculous lmao

also braime. tbh i used to low-key like them but some of their stans weirded my away lol. i get that not all of them are like that but still. it's generally my great pain when i see braime/brienne/jaime stans who are also dany/targ antis. every time i see them i cackle and run away as fast as i can crying from disappointment lmao. it's really a pity because i'm either very neutral or like in my own way all three of them.

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

jonrya it is! i never hated them, you know, but they never were more than siblings and brotp to me. however, later i encountered the deluded crack ship fandom that shall not be named and understood that if there is any possible romance for jon with any of his sisters-cousins we all know which one it will be lmao. also their stans are very sweet and i really like many of their takes on arya and jon! i generally love relationships of jon and arya very much so it wasn't that difficult in practice to see them in a quite different light.

7. Is there anything you used to like but can't stand now?

meta culture lmao. reading different analysis and interpretations of the text used to be very interesting to me (and still is tbh but in other fandoms) though asoiaf is a different case. imo many people aren't honest in their so called theories and analyses. i get that all of us are biased but some "meta writers'" denial of their own biases influence fandom in a bad way. it looks like too many people run to them to get answers to their questions about any minor detail as if they were grrm himself. yk instead of using their own reading comprehension lmao. you see how this meta culture ruined fandom just looking at the most delusional stans and shippers who spread their agenda by writing endless text posts full of nonsense and bullshit but styled as oh so intellectual and thoughtful analysis. it's insane how many people actually buy it and don't check canon accuracy of such claims themselves. it got to the ridiculous point when random people try to argue with you with some far-fetched embarrassing "theories" as if they were canon facts or quotes straight up from a fanfic because they read somewhere some other confused soul's post and got from a context that this quote is canon (despite the fact that it wasn't written in grrm's style at all but some people can't use their brains even if their lives depended on it it seems).

anyway it's become too long and rambly already so tldr. because of such "neutral unbiased" analyses i got the habit of fact checking almost everything i see in such posts. there's only a small amount of meta writers from targ/dany/jon/arya stans that i trust because i know by practice and following them for some time that they don't pull anything out of nowhere, back up everything they say with canon quotes, don't decontextualize anything and (that is the most important thing to me) are reasonable and open to discussion unlike so many bnfs nowadays.

8. Have you received anon hate? What about?

ah, not in this fandom yet, god bless! i think i'm not loud enough for the needed amount of time to deserve it lol. but since i'm not going anywhere soon maybe one day i will 😂

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

robert baratheon and tywin lannister, obviously. tbh it's pretty hard for me to hate any characters because you know. they're fictional lmao. just lines on paper, they can't hurt you. and even such dudes as tywin or robert don't get real distaste from me if they're written well enough. my problem with them lies not only in their canon crimes and shitty consequences of those but in fandom's (or at least some parts of it) unwillingness to acknowledge that they're canonically written as shitty, not as stan/pity/worship material. tywin isn't as clever as some think and robert is a coward outside of battlefield, not to mention some absolutely disgusting denial of his nature from targ antis only because the man happened to be the most vocal targ hater in-universe so these folks feel like he is their main book representative and whitewash him completely lmao

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

uugh idk even. i'm either low-key interested (or used to be at least so i can stay pretty neutral for the sake of nostalgia lol) or too indifferent to really care.

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn't? Why?

all my faves have their own crowd of haters i'm afraid 😭 but let me say rhaegar. even among some dany/targ stans my man is so misunderstood lmao. it's not even his fault i dare say it's fanon about his half-imagined crimes that somehow got widespread to the unbelievable degree. and when i say they're half-imagined i'm being very generous actually. ofc he isn't perfect, no one in asoiaf is. and yes, he's a pre-series dead minor character but almost all little information about him is actually positive, not to mention the narrative itself that doesn't paint him as a villain or just a shitty dude. on the contrary, he's an idealized to some degree dead prince who could've been a good king (like some other historical targaryens, jacaerys, baelor breakspear, aemon son of jaehaerys, etc.), a mysterious yet tragic figure. i have much to say about why it's so popular to shit on him in fandom but yeah. his haters should send their complaints to grrm instead, no one forced the man to write him like that lol. and i mean that no one has to like him ofc. but it's misinterpretation of the text to claim he was intentionally written as a villain or smth by grrm.

12. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn't? Why?

i don't know if it counts as unpopular but i would say tyrion's arc as a whole because i enjoy his character and like in my own way. i can get why some people don't like him but this man will always have his own place in my heart i must admit.

13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

is this unpopular tho?.. ok but renly wouldn't make a terrible king. i dare say he would be better than both robert and stannis. yes, he wasn't shown as perfect and i don't claim this. he wouldn't be the best or the most brilliant or the most just or noble. yet still better than his brothers. his flaws weren't anything other high lords didn't have, his mistakes weren't anything other lords and kings didn't do. in many ways he would make a better job than robert or stannis, too bad he died so early, even though i get why it was important for the narrative.

26. Most shippable character?

well generally for me it's the ones i love the most lol. jonerys/snowstorm is my never dying otp but i admit my sins, sometimes i just see dany with other characters (often from other fandoms pls don't @ me). however, since dany is THE fave of mine it means i would rather twist the other guy or girl to fit into the good match for her than twist her for another character in my new born crack ship lol. and i never stay for too long with the ships with which i feel they don't really fit and don't do justice for each other lol. maybe that's the reason i'm not much of a rare shipper / crack shipper afshdjdb

27. Least shippable character?

everyone i don't like? 😭 as i've said sansa for the reasons above lol. you can insert many others in her place lmao

#thanks for the ask!#.txt #mypost #ask game #anonymous #*answered

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meetinginsamarra · 4 years

Text

The origin story of “Wretched and Divine”, my first fanfic on AO3

This story was the first thing I ever posted no matter what or where. I have been frustrated with being stuck writing my long fanfiction, which later got titled “Mutual Attraction“. You can read this origin story on my tumblr as well.

I always have ideas concerning the Sherlock BBC show. Sometimes it´s just a sentence a character says, it can be a small piece of conversation, an image, another different first meeting or an AU-scenario. A lot of these ideas find me when I´m listening to music, especially while driving in my car (I drive a lot because of my job).

During the last two years I discovered a huge amount of (for me personally) brilliant music and bands. If you´ve read my fanfics (Thanks!) you´re not surprised to find out that I currently run with the metalcore/post-hardcore/nu metal crowd since I used their lyrics or referenced them in titles etc.

Apart from the lyric quotes in “Mutual Attraction“ my musical fascination becomes very obvious when reading “Wretched and Divine“ and its sequel “The Aftermath is Secondary“.

I´ll not blab about these bands or their music here, you´ll just have to know that I was always fascinated with the punk culture and style, the post-punk music and as I said before the more current genre developments like post-hardcore and metalcore. If you´re interested in their history, just look up those genres on wikipedia.

Returning to the Sherlock fandom now. (Thank God, you´ll say and exhale…)

There are such a lot of insanely talented fanartists out there and one of them is definitely the awesome bluebellofbakerstreet. Sherlock is a man who always looks good no matter what clothes you put him in. Of course, I´d imagined him in black ripped jeans, leather jacket, studs, pierced and all the other gear a punk would wear. So you´ll understand that I was over the moon when I discovered bluebell´s punklock art. I bought some of her posters on Redbubble.

OK. So one day I thought about how a very punky, down-and-out and injured Sherlock and a “decent“ Doctor John would meet.

I like playing with expectations and crushing them and therefore John was up for a big surprise in “Wretched and Divine“. I´m not telling you what happens in the fic because you either have read it (Congrats!) or not (So do it, you!) and I hate spoilers.

Apart from being punk at heart Sherlock behaves absolutely non-canon in this fic and this is one of the brilliant possibilities fanfiction offers. The characters can be anything (even a tuna), can behave completely out of character and can hook up with everyone and all that may happen in a 1000 different universes.

Another thing I really like is playing with quotes of Sherlock BBC, like letting another person than the original one say a well-known sentence (for example John´s “Oh God, yes!“) or altering such a quote (“Please God, let me die!“).

Inserting quotes from other movies/TV series of B. Cumberbatch also is a favourite pastime.

That´s not me being narcissistic (like: “Hey, look, I´m so well-versed in canon, congratulate me for being brilliant!“) but doing this appeals to my child-like play instinct to mess around with language and different points of view. Changing meaning and expectations.

The first time I thought about writing a little bit of smut and pining I felt somehow embarrassed and guilty. I know that´s ridiculous but I had a bit of an internal problem with that. It´s not that I hadn´t read a lot of porny fanfics before and enjoyed them or thought bad about their authors but doing it myself…felt strange.

Obviously, I got over that (HaHa!). A lot of sex happens in the sequel but I´ll come to that.

I even wrote a pwp in the meantime.

Erm. Getting back.

When I started writing “W&D“ the story really evolved quickly and gave me the impression it sort of created itself. I sometimes had a hard time to jot it all down quickly enough while the action happened in “real-time“ in my head.

I´m still very proud of the (in my opinion) witty dialogues and the scene in the examination room where John corners Sherlock and the ending when the tables are sort of turned.

Posting the fic made me so nervous that my hand slightly trembled afterwards.

I was soooo happy when the number of hits started to rise. There were kudos. I waited anxiously for the first comment and when it arrived it was perfect. It gave me an extreme endorphine rush.

Quote: “This is so amazing!!! I can’t believe it’s your first fic. It’s perfect!!! I can’t believe it doesn’t have more comments and kudos. I’ll be sure to spread the word about how amazing it is.“ End quote.

Thank you again, ADSA. It meant the world to me. Still does.

There were other comments full of praise for the fic and very quickly the question came up what happens next. I thought about that myself because the ending of “W&D“ was practically screaming for a follow-up but the loving comments were a very important factor to egg me on with actually writing said sequel.

“The Aftermath is Secondary“ was supposed to be another shorter story but it developed so much energy that it amounted to five chapters and 20K words. I introduced my favourite secondary character of the BBC show, Billy Wiggins, offered a bit of Sherlock´s backstory, inserted a small spritz of “case“, a BAMF John moment and…lots of sex.

The moment when John saves Billy was the first scene for the sequel which invaded my brain. (No spoilers, again!)

Writing “Aftermath“ was so much fun. It took longer than expected but the reason was that there was so much more to tell and write and not because I got stuck.

I hinted at a part three throughout some comments and at the end of “Aftermath“ and I definitely plan on writing it. I have some ideas at the moment but it´s not enough yet. Anyway, I would love to write much more in this “punky“ AU and I will. That´s a promise. And a threat.

Samarra

#my fanfics

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something-tofightfor · 5 years

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2019 writing recap!

I’ve seen a couple of people do this, and it seems like a fun way to go back through what I’ve done this past year in terms of writing + give some recognition to the other talented people in this fandom.

Answers under the cut because it’s long! (Everything is linked because SCREW YOU TUMBLR)

favorite fic you wrote this year: I have two favorites.

1. Neon Lights, which started out as a prompt request based on a song, and has spawned 100,000 words via the stories, the HCs and the random character asks… and has given me a much better understanding of Ryan Brenner as a character.

2. You’re all going to be super surprised at this…. But it’s Here Comes the Sun, because it gave me a chance to write Logan in a VERY different way than I did with Tonight… and seeing him wholly happy is so nice.

least favorite fic you wrote this year: The First of Many, which was my one foray into writing for Frank/Karen… and I killed Billy in it, so that was a disaster.

favorite line/scene you wrote this year: A few of the ones that stick out to me:

Neon Lights, chapter 4: “Hey, I’m listening to what you’re sayin’, but if it’s alright, I’m gonna kiss you now.” The words were quiet, his voice a little hoarse. Yes, God, yes. You reached up with the arm that he wasn’t holding on to and touched his hair while you nodded, and then his lips met yours. You sighed into the kiss, and unless you were imagining things, he did too. It was brief, but when he pulled away he was smiling. “I’ve wanted to do that since yesterday.”

Take a Sip, part 2: “Caspian?” You met his eyes and he saw that you were trying to hold it together. “Will you help me get this dress off, please?” He moved quickly, pulling you to your feet and unlacing the front of your dress, fingers shaking as he untied the strings. His hands moving to your shoulders, he squeezed them before turning you gently around, undoing the buttons on the back of your dress - so much like he had the first night he’d ever touched you, the dress falling to your waist and then to the floor, revealing a shift beneath it. “Thank you, my King.”

He heard the tears in your voice and blinked back his own as he lowered his head, pressing his lips to the bare skin of one shoulder and then the other, fingers gathering your hair to lift it and expose more of you to him. But you didn’t let him linger as you turned, giving him a small smile as you reached forward, pushing the jacket off of his shoulders and waiting until he’d shrugged it off before moving to help him remove his vest. Neither of you spoke, but he knew what you were thinking - that it could be the last time you touched each other, the last time…

Remember What You Told Me, part 2: When Logan and Reader confront William in the bar... it was so damn satisfying.

He’s Not Here (Interlude): History: This was such a fun scenario to write because... why would Billy ever think that someone would need him to take care of them when they’re sick? I loved exploring this side of him, and helping him learn that it was OK to open up.

total number of words you wrote this year: Based on adding up everything on my Masterlist pages + including the word count of the HNH file… 620,000 words… and that doesn’t include anything that I’ve got a few paragraphs of in WiP files, the HCs or the character asks that I’ve done.

That’s …. 1557 pages in a typical novel…. So basically, because I love writing, I wrote FIFTEEN HUNDRED PAGES WORTH OF WORDS. Yikes.

most popular fic this year: People have really seemed to connect with He’s Not Here, and that makes sense, because it’s my longest running series and Billy’s... been given a chance to be different, which is always nice to write and read about.

Exit Row was also super popular.

But the most popular single post of 2019 for me? Billy Russo’s NSFW alphabet.

least popular fic this year: Tonight, which disappoints me, because I love it. I get that it’s a little dark, but... it was necessary, because Logan’s not perfect.

And Neon Lights/Just a Place… which is super disappointing, because it’s Ryan and everyone should love him.

longest completed fic you wrote this year: Neon Lights ended up being 60,000 words.

shortest completed fic you wrote this year: All of the drabbles that I wrote in March are super short (I think they averaged about 700 words) … but I think that “On the Spot” is the shortest thing I’ve ever written at 500 words EXACTLY.

longest wip of the year: He’s Not Here… which is currently (after 20 chapters) at 82,000+ words - for the main story.

shortest wip of the year: Hmm… I’m thinking that this is PROBABLY the second part of Ink, which has been sitting in my WiP folder since September, and is only about 200 words long right now.

favorite character to write about this year: This is a very unfair question, because I love all of my characters and stories, but...I honestly, (and this will come as no surprise) loved writing Logan the most in all forms. There’s so much that can be done with his character, and exploring it has been a LOT of fun for me.

favorite writing song/artist/album of this year: I wrote LOT while listening to the “Feeding the Wolves” album by 10 Years (it’s GREAT for Billy). I also think that I wrote almost all of Neon Lights while listening almost exclusively to acoustic guitar covers of songs that had NOTHING to do with the story.

a fic you didn’t expect to write: I never thought I’d write Caspian, and here we are, 6 chapters later + a follow up with His Favorite Place.

fic(s) you completed this year: I don’t even know, it’s got to be close to 40, maybe more with all of the prompt requests and all that. It doesn’t seem like that many, but I just scrolled through my masterlist, so I guess it must be.

fics you’ll continue next year: Just a Place. He’s Not Here. Here Comes the Suniverse. Ben/Reader Exit Row universe… so many.

current number of wips: Too many. At least 15. It’s insane.

any new fics to start next year: There’s one for sure that I want to write ASAP because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it for like a solid week and a half.

most memorable comment/review: I love each and every single one of you that takes the time to comment - or even to message me and keysmash - but I think that the handwritten comments from @its-my-little-dumpster-fire and @the-blind-assassin-12 are some of my favorites (and I’m sure those of you that have also received them will agree) .... it’s just overwhelming to me. And so is hearing that I overwhelmed you, or made you smile, or that you felt like you were IN the story. I am shit at replying to every single comment, but I try my best, and I can’t thank you enough for all of your kind words and encouragement.

events you participated in this year: I participated in zero events aside from the ones that I set up for myself when I asked people for requests.

fics you wanted to write but didn’t: There’s Logan story that I’ve been sitting on since last December (I remember wrapping presents and contemplating it) … there’s a Logan one shot that I want to write and don’t want to write at the same time. I have a Caspian story that is ITCHING to be written, and might be one of the first things I write in 2020.

favorite fic you read this year:

Death of a Bachelor by @delos-mio: Logan Delos X Reader ... and it’s a RIDE.I vividly remember pulling my phone out in between bands at a concert to read the most recent chapter and I can’t wait for her to finish it

With Courage by @halfwit-halfblood : Caspian x OC, and it features one of the strongest and most relatable OCs that I have ever read in my life. I am absolutely sucked in every new chapter.

By Design by @luminex3: Billy Russo x Reader... and it’s literally everything that I could ever ask for in a non-canon Billy, because he’s still Billy, but he’s much less of an idiot than the REAL Billy. And her details? The dedication to her characters? It was BEAUTIFUL.

... there were so many others, if you want more suggestions, please feel free to ask, because I have so many favorites.

a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read:

‘Deed I Do by @its-my-little-dumpster-fire: John Whittaker x Reader .... and it’s PERFECT. And it’s spawned so many fun companion pieces. (PARTICULARLY ‘My Private Affair’... which literally KILLED ME.

Oblivion by @the-blind-assassin-12: Logan Delos x Reader... and it’s a lot to handle, but it shows just how strong Logan could truly be if he was given the chance/motivation

A Familiar Face by @illshowyourhurricanes/ @suchatinyinfinity: Ryan Brenner x Reader... and it shows why the simple moments are the most important. Her Ryan is so thoughtful, and I just love him.

number of favorites/bookmarks you made this year: I liked a LOT of stories on Tumblr. A ton, in fact. A literal fuckton. I read a lot this year.

favorite fanfic author of the year: It’s really unfair to make me choose a favorite, so I’ll list some that I truly enjoy in no particular order:

@halfwit-halfblood

@delos-mio

@the-blind-assassin-12

@its-my-little-dumpster-fire

@madamrogersstorytelling

@logans-chestnuts

#end of the year #writing #reflections #i wrote a lot #recommendations #my friends are talented #masterlist #fanfic answers #2019 in review

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smokeybrand · 4 years

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Zodiac Age

It’s no secret that i am a massive fan of the Final Fantasy series. Essays abut that franchise riddle this blog. My adoration for their world building and storytelling is profound, even is they kind of devolve into a Star Wars-esque retelling at time. Square sure does love that Hero Journey literary trope. Things like that don’t bug me because there are little unique changes to that specific plot, little dashes of creativity that take the form of setting, characters, or overall plot. It might follow the trope in the sense of character development, but the story told to get there is wholly it’s own. And let me tell you, some of these stories are the best that’s ever been told.

Final Fantasy VII is my favorite of the entire series. Great characters, vivid world, and a plot simple enough to follow but embellished to near mythic levels. Final Fantasy IX is another favorite, though, that one is more a fairy tale than anything. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a goddamn masterpiece and epic in it’s own right, but that story is more than at home with those old Grimm tales we were told as kids. It’s mad endearing that way. Final Fantasy Tactics, spin-off title, is probably the best story, overall, told under the FF banner and it’s not even a main title. The War of Lions is a tale of political intrigue, familial bonds, and devastating betrayal sprinkled with magic and demons and summons and dragons. It’s f*cking incredible and can give Game of Thrones a run for it’s money. I imagine, in time, i’ll revisit these stories and gush about why i love them so but that’s not what this essay is about. No, this essay is about the second best narrative in the entire FF franchise; A narrative that has been written off because people couldn’t get passed the gameplay. This essay is about my fourth favorite Final Fantasy title, Final Fantasy XII

The strongest part of this game is easily the story. It starts with a wedding. A beautiful affair between two nations to solidify a peaceful relation and treaty of prosperity but that bliss would not last. War, a bloody coupe, the death of a prince, and the betrayal of a king. All of this happens in the intro to the game. As you play, you take the perspective of a common street rat. You follow along with his misadventures, exploring the oasis city of Rabanastre withing the annexed kingdom of Dalmasca. During his various excursions, Vaan finds himself entwined with the charismatic sky pirate and main character, Balthier, as well as his longtime Viera companion, Fran. After a heist gone wrong, the group find themselves thrown into the same lot as the presumed dead princess of Dlamasca, Ashelia B'Nargin Dalmasca, and the man framed for murdering her father, Basch Fon Ronsenburg. The party is eventually completed by the final addition of Vaan’s childhood friend, Penelo. What starts as a tale of rebellion and unrest, evolves into something so much more. The dismantling of the current world system, the shattering of chains binding man to malevolent gods, wresting control of human destiny back into human hands, and a destiny laid forth by a visionary painted as a tyrant.

Final Fantasy XII is a grand epic that feels very intimate, very small. You’re never far from the characters or their plight. Indeed, it’s their development and relationships that drive this story. Political intrigue and human destiny aside, the interactions between these individuals are absolutely wonderful. Vaan is a chump but, having played this game several times and looking back on this story with the eyes of an adult who appreciates great storytelling, his blank personality is necessary. He’s the vehicle the audience uses to immerse themselves in this world. He’s our allegory so ll that bland that colors him is simple place holder. an is who we make him. On the other end of that spectrum, you have the “villain” Vayne Carudas Solidor. Vayne is easily one of the best written characters in the entire franchise. His characterization and development can give Delita from Tactics and Ardyn Izunia from XV. Holy sh*t, Ardyn is magnificent. I can write an entire essay on him, alone, but that’s one for later. Maybe. XII is one of the best written of all the FF titles but Vayne, specifically, is written on an entirely different level. There’s never a time when you do not understand his motivation. There is never a time where you do not agree with his logic. There is never a time when you condemn his deeds. They are all necessary for the ultimate goal of human prosperity. Vayne is the antagonist of this story because of circumstance and he understands that better than anyone. He even prepared for that eventuality with his brother, Larsa. Even in defeat, he still wins; A victory for all that cost him everything. F*cking brilliant writing, man. Brilliant.

The world of Final Fantasy XII is absolutely gorgeous. It takes place in Ivalice, the only recurring setting in the FF franchise. It’s a staple, like Chocobos or Moogles. Vagrant Story and the Tactics games all take place here, to varying capacities. I love how meaty the lore and systems are for this universe. The Judge system permeates almost every title taking place here and they are to be heeded. Ranging from consequences of battle to outright characters in the narrative, these judges often have ornate armors and insane strength. Gabranth, the main Judge of XII, serves a rather dubious role throughout this tale. He and his contemporary, Cidolfus Demen Bunansa, the Cid of this game and father of Blathier, work together with Vayne to further his ambitions. Chasing their wake leads our team all over Ivalcie, visiting Ordalia, Valdenia, Kerwon, and Purvma. We follow Fran home to the Salikawood and hunt some powerful monsters in the rolling dunes of the Giza Plains. This world is gorgeously realized with loving passion and gentle renders. It really is a feast for the eyes.

Now, the reason everyone passes on this particular title lies in the fact that the gameplay doesn’t feel like an FF title. In that regard, the discourse is correct. XII does not play like a traditional Final Fantasy title. It skews closer to their MMO titles rather than their offline fair. It can be difficult to learn but is it really so different than what you’re used to? Is it really so alien? XII does a pretty decent job teaching you how to manage your party. Admittedly, yo can’t directly control what everyone does at every second but all titles in this franchise are kind of like this. I can see how that aspect can be disorientating wit the pseudo-action RPG aesthetic. That’s why there are Gambits. These things are little predetermined commands that allow you to program your party while you handle the heavy lifting on wither offense, defense, or support. It’s kind of like the system they use in FFXIII but, you know, good. You still play XII. You still have the ability to control your characters, in a limited capacity. Sure, i would have liked to have more direct command over my party but this workaround is fine once you get used to it. Besides, i think they fixed this in the international Zodiac version or whatever. I haven’t played that one yet but what we have in the vanilla game, the License Board, Tecnicks, Magicks, Quickenings, and Espers, all add a variety that gives you copious amounts of strategy. Building a character strong enough to trust to the Gambit system has it’s own reward.

Final Fantasy XII is an outstanding title that deserves so much more respect than anyone gives it. Your requisite hitters like IX and VII are rightfully mentioned in a much greater capacity but lesser titles like X and VIII have no business holding their position in the fandom zeitgeist in lieu of XII. This game has one of the most epic stories, a brisk plot rarely marred down by melodrama, one of the greatest villains in the entire franchise, and it’s absolutely gorgeous. The world is lush, full of life and vibrancy, hiding a sinister undertone that grips your attention until the very end. If you can manage the learning curve of the battle system, if you give it a chance, you’ll be rewarded with one of the all-time great games in the Final Fantasy pantheon.

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amandaoftherosemire · 5 years

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Lightning Strikes Part Nine

Fandom: Marvel Avengers AU

Pairing: Thor Odinson X Reader

Characters: Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson, Valkyrie, Loki Odinson, Thor Odinson

Author: @amandaoftherosemire

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 7,160

Format: Series (Complete)

Warning: Language, angst, intoxication, poor decision making, mild embarrassment.

Summary: You escape into a club, trying to forget your break-up with Thor. Steve and Bucky go looking for you, and ending up giving you plenty of food for thought. Valkyrie shares information that sets Thor off.

A/N: When I started this story, I had no plans to introduce any Stucky x reader subplot, but here we are. I don’t really know where it’s going to go, ‘cause I wasn’t expecting it. This is fun! It’s like an adventure for all of us! As for the rest… 🤷😁 I’m gonna go search for gifs that convey apology, love, and glee for when y’all are done.

Part Eight: Aphelion here

Ablation

Steve and Bucky walked into a wall of sound as they entered the club. They’d been looking for you for a while when Nat had texted that she and Sam had found you here but needed backup in extracting you. As they wove through the mass of humanity to make their way to the bar, the bass thumped hard enough to make Bucky’s heart skip. He wondered what Steve thought, because Bucky could hardly imagine you in a place with this much noise.

The club looked like a converted factory, a lot of metal railings and stairs over concrete. It had the standard club lighting, complete dark with spinning, flashing, spearing colored lights. The whole thing made Steve’s head hurt. To top it off, he was baffled trying to figure out what you could be looking for here.

Once they came close to the bar and the crowd parted, they found a little oasis around Natasha where she sat on a stool sipping a drink. Sam stood next to her in a protective pose, but it was all for show. The reason for the small circle of calm around them was the little redhead, not her well-built companion.

When Steve reached them, he didn’t bother to speak. The music, if you could call it that, Steve thought bad-temperedly, was far too loud for them to hear him unless he screamed. He opted instead to gesture his confusion. Natasha's text had been deliberately vague. The smirk on Sam's face made Steve nervous, and when he turned to look in the direction they were both indicating, a shiver of worry ran down his spine.

When his eyes finally picked you out of the crowd, they widened in shock. You were in the center of a mass of gyrating bodies sliding against one another on the dance floor. You had one knee between the thighs of the woman whose hip you were gripping as you danced. Around your waist was the arm of the man at your back whose neck you'd looped an arm around as you rubbed against him.

Steve couldn't stop his eyes from traveling over your form. He'd known you were lovely, had the curves of your body against him in ways that had his mind wandering where it shouldn't. Still, in the flashing lights, given over to the music, the movement of your body, he ached watching you.

You were wearing a green top in some sort of soft, heavy fabric; cut down to your navel, and designed to draw the eye, the curves of your breasts were clearly visible. Steve could attest that his eye was drawn. Your skirt was short enough that he could see the flash of green lace at the edge of your underwear with every swivel of your hips. With all his willpower, he dragged his eyes away to look to Bucky.

Bucky wasn't as high-minded as Steve; he drank in the sight of you greedily. He'd wondered what you'd look like given over to the passion of the moment. This was as close as he'd gotten, and he adored it. He'd wanted you since the moment he met you, because though he loved Steve with everything he had, something about you was insanely tempting. Wanting didn't mean he'd ever intended to act on it, however, at least until he saw Steve watching you with the same hunger.

As the song wound down, you stayed with the sloe-eyed brunette you'd been dancing with, going to a table next to the dance floor where her friends had shots waiting. Steve and Bucky watched as you and the woman did body shots off of one another, then headed back to the dance floor.

"She said she isn't leaving unless it's with the sexy brunette, or with you guys." Sam shouted the words into Steve's ear, the laughter coming through even over the thumping bass. “I’m not a hundred percent that she was joking.”

Steve turned to look at Natasha, who delicately sipped up the last of her drink and set it on the bar behind her. She didn't bother to shout, but spoke at a normal volume, her lips easily read. "Good luck." With a toss of her hair and a darkly amused laugh, she hopped off the stool and started out, Sam behind her with a grinning salute.

Steve turned to Bucky with a sigh, not at all reassured by the reckless grin on the other man’s face. The two of them had discussed the feelings they had both been struggling with since you'd split with Thor. You had been much more open and affectionate with them since the day you’d come home from New Asgard in tears. Neither man had ever seen you in the grips of that kind of vulnerability; though both had comforted you through tears before, never had you been broken the way you had been that day.

That experience had prompted a change in your relationship with both men. You were more physically comfortable and affectionate with Steve, for instance, which he found utterly beguiling. The press of your body against his had remained chaste, but his thoughts had become more and more carnal.

You and Bucky, on the other hand, had always been close, but there was an edge now to what had once been an innocent and harmless flirtation. Bucky flirted with purpose now, with heat instead of warmth, though few but Steve would be able to tell the difference. You seemed to feel it, however, and you flirted back in kind, though the hesitance came through.

Steve sighed a little. Though you were apparently entirely too intoxicated to consent to anything he wanted from you tonight, that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be sorely tempted. Bucky, he could already see, was going to be no help. Squaring his shoulders, he waded into the crowd to go get you.

Bucky could easily guess what was going through Steve’s head and grinned cheerfully as he followed him into the crowd. He was absolutely correct that Bucky did not plan to be of any assistance in stopping you from doing whatever you felt like. He wasn’t going to take advantage of you, of course, but he wasn’t going to fight you off, either.

Steve forged a path to you easily, his size less a benefit than his determination. Once he reached you, his hand came down on your shoulder to get your attention, but his thumb moved to caress your skin seemingly of its own volition.

You’d been drinking for hours to get to this level of inebriation, but you'd finally managed to get drunk enough that you could ignore the absolute misery and desolation that had prompted you to start drinking in the first place. Still, you had long ago learned (attempting, and ultimately succeeding, to keep up with Tony) how to get absolutely blitzed but still be able to stay reasonably coherent. The problem was that the more liquor you imbibed, the less you cared about consequences, but without the usual limitations that kept many from acting out their worst impulses.

Long story short, you could drink until you didn’t give any fucks, but you still had the wherewithal to start some shit.

At this point the tequila was swimming giddily in your head and the world was spinning agreeably, though you knew if you kept it up, it wouldn't be long before the spinning became sickening. Now, however, it was another physical sensation to drive away the pain. The lights spun in your head, helping to empty your mind as you gave yourself up to whatever came next, no matter the risk, or cost.

You were in a particularly reckless mood this night, leading you to seek out a club where the bass would drown out your thoughts, the alcohol would numb your feelings, and the bodies would help you forget everything you couldn't bear to examine anymore. The touch of Steve's hand was warm against your skin and distracted you from the dark-eyed, dark-haired, dark-skinned beauty you'd met tonight; you'd been delighted to find someone who would in no way remind you of him.

You almost turned away from the blue-eyed blond, your heart shuddering at the reminder of all you'd come here to forget, but the banked heat caught you, and the warm kindness held you. Unthinking, you turned into his arms, linking yours around his neck and pulling his ear to your lips. You took the lobe between your teeth and nipped before rocking your hips against his in time with the beat.

“You wanna dance with me, Stevie?” you said into that ear, not thinking of anything beyond the allure that big, sexy body held for you, though you'd done everything in your power to bury those feelings as deeply as you possibly could. Tonight, however, they bubbled to the surface; you’d numbed all the others.

Steve's hands came down to grip your hips in an attempt to still the seductive movement. Then Bucky's hands came down on top of Steve's and his chest made contact with your back. Your head lolled back on his shoulder and you rubbed your ass against his erection as your eyes flicked back and forth between the two men.

“Steve doesn’t dance, doll. But I do.” Bucky's voice in your ear was just loud enough to carry over the sound of the music and sent a shudder of lust rocketing through you. This was entirely too close to many of your dreams of late. The music was pulsing inside your head, driving away thought, while the feeling of being pressed between them was exactly the distraction you needed.

Steve was shocked to find you were still remarkably agile, despite the glaze of intoxication over your eyes or the slur in your voice. With a hop, and he suspected, Bucky's help, you had your legs wrapped around his waist. Without conscious thought, his fingers dug in to keep you in place, seduced by the feel of you pressed against him so intimately. You twisted to fist your hand in Bucky's shirt, not willing to lose him in the press of bodies. He grinned into your face and you realized you weren't the only one with dreams like this.

Hidden in the shadows, a small redhead was protected by the jostling crowd by her broad-shouldered companion as she filmed the vignette on her phone. She hit the button for still shots a number of times, but her favorite was this last one; the curve of your body particularly provocative as Steve, you, and Bucky twined around one another. She knew a sloe-eyed brunette of her own in New Asgard who'd appreciate the boot she needed to kick a certain God of Thunder's ass.

Out on the dance floor, Steve was trying to take back control of both himself and the situation. He lifted one hand to punch Bucky on the shoulder, then started trying to shift you so that he was carrying you in a less sexual pose. The feel of you rubbing against him was draining his blood from his head and making it hard to think straight. If he was a less scrupulous man, he might have given in to your temptation, but he could see how drunk you were and simply couldn't let go the way he wanted to.

To top it all off, you were in a very public place, and though the lights, and lack thereof, largely obscured your identities, he couldn't forget that he carried a persona with him everywhere he went. Firmly, he pulled your legs from around his waist and hefted you in his arms, bridal style. A lifted eyebrow for Bucky sent the other man into action, forging a path through the crowd and out the door.

Your head was spinning and your heart was racing; with the rush of fresh, cool air once you were outside, a brief moment of clarity had invaded your intoxicated retreat and you were contemplating the rise of desire that had so suddenly flared between the three of you. Though you'd subconsciously noted this rising emotion, you'd steadfastly refused to acknowledge it otherwise, and it had blindsided you tonight.

"We're gonna take you home, doll, before we all get in trouble," Steve murmured as he carried you toward the lot where they'd parked the car.

You'd looped your arms around his neck and rested your head on his shoulder when he'd started carrying you out of the club, enjoying the feeling of being held like you weighed absolutely nothing, though it did remind you…

You nuzzled into Steve's neck, deliberately putting everything but the feel of his skin under your lips out of your mind. "That's probably best," you slurred, smiling at the feeling of Steve shivering in reaction.

"I never knew you were such a handful," Bucky laughed as he opened the door to the backseat of the nondescript sedan Steve had chosen for this particular mission.

Steve bent to lay you down, but when he pulled away, you scooted back until you were propped against the other door, your legs spread provocatively. Your skirt had fallen forward to cover you, but only barely, and much of your skin was on display. "I hope one of you boys is gonna crawl in here with me."

"I don't think that's a good idea, sweetheart," Steve said softly, but the aching temptation to take you up on it was clear on his face and in his voice. He reluctantly opened the driver's side door and slid behind the wheel. He rolled his eyes when he saw Bucky slide into the backseat with a laughing grin. "You behave." He raised his eyebrows and fixed his lover with a stern glare.

Bucky raised his hands and gave Steve an innocent look in the rearview mirror. "Okay," he said agreeably, and nodded in your direction where you were crawling toward him with a sultry smile on your face. "Tell her."

You slid in next to Bucky, snuggling in under his arm and looking up at him with limpid eyes. "If you weren't Stevie's, I'd do depraved things to you, Bucky."

Bucky laughed as he slid his arms around you, but his eyes were hot when they met Steve's in the mirror again. He was starting to regret getting in the backseat with you; it was going to be hell to live up to Steve's standards of behavior. "What if Stevie wasn't mine, baby? What would you do to him?" His voice was a dark rumble in his chest, a hot invitation to divulge your fantasies.

In the dark closeness of the car, that temptation became overwhelming. The only lights were those of the dashboard and the passing headlights of other cars on the road; the club had been in an industrial area on the outskirts of the city, so you were soon in less populated areas. You tilted your head back so you could look at Bucky and saw his eyes burning into Steve's.

Your breath caught as even in your inebriated state you could see your fantasies were much closer to reality than you'd ever really thought. You'd been afraid you were driving a wedge between them by getting too close to Bucky. You had never dreamed they'd both want you.

"I had a dream the other night," you sighed, putting everything but the moment, damn the consequences, out of your mind, and Bucky knew he'd opened Pandora's box with that question based on the hot ache in your tone, "that ended with Steve coming in my mouth while you fucked me from behind. Does that answer your question?"

Steve's eyes were burning just as hot as they stared into Bucky's. If you weren't intoxicated, he'd make that fantasy a reality at the earliest opportunity. The thought alone had him hard as iron.

Bucky gave a choked laugh. He'd already been hard by the feel of your breasts pressed against him; your breath on his neck as you spoke was seductive to the point of pain. "Damn, you're fucking perfect, doll," Bucky breathed.

The phrase echoed in your head, repeating over and over again in a rumble of far off thunder. You’d heard that word pass Thor’s lips too many times to stand it even once more. You pushed violently away from Bucky, infuriated. "I am not!" you shouted in a voice full of agony. "If I was fucking perfect, why was he fucking spying on me?"

Bucky held his hands up, palms out in a gesture of peace as he leaned forward, concern all over him. "Sweetheart…"

With a sob, you dove back into his arms and poured your broken heart out all over him. He held you close, rocking you back and forth. Over your head, his eyes met Steve's again, this time in sorrow, and the acknowledgement that as good a front as you were putting on, you were nowhere near as over Thor as you seemed to be most of the time.

When you calmed, bringing your arm up to wipe your face over it, Bucky laughed again at the snorting sound you made as you did so. He thought your drunken shenanigans were funny because he enjoyed the natural, real you, the one without the filters.

"What happened?" Steve asked softly, knowing you needed to talk more than anything else they could do to or for you.

"You've met Jane Foster. Right, Steve? Is she really that pretty? That smart? Is she nice?" You were still thoroughly drunk, so your voice was a slur of sound, but Steve got the gist.

His voice was eminently gentle when he answered, and he wished he could hug you. "She is an incredible woman, yes." Bucky sneered and shook his head at his boyfriend, but Steve was going on. "Thor has an eye for incredible women."

You smiled a little, catching his drift. "You were supposed to lie to me, you know," you murmured, snuggling into Bucky's arms. He tightened them in comfort.

"I never lie."

"And I see what you did there," you replied, sweetly, making Steve smile. "I saw paparazzi pics of them together at some science thing. It set me off."

"If we're lifting the ban on talking about it, I'm telling her," Bucky said sternly, glaring at Steve, who looked concerned.

The fact was, they had a lot of information that you might want to have now, thanks to the gossip that had begun to flow between New Asgard and New York. Natasha and Valkyrie had become friends, creating a new line for information that didn't come through you. The problem was that you had flatly refused to discuss Thor under any circumstances. Anytime anyone had tried to bring up the subject, you had refused to discuss it to the point of leaving the room, and once, the compound and the country, escaping to Wakanda.

"Tell me what?" You lifted your head, though it was awfully heavy, to fix Bucky with a bleary glare. You were indignant at the thought that there might be things you didn't know. You were the one who knew things others didn't, not the other way around.

"She's still awful drunk, Buck." Steve warned. "You might want to wait 'til tomorrow."

"Tell. Me. What." You enunciated each word, starting to get pissed now. You didn't care if you were drunk. You wanted to know whatever it was you didn't know.

"Tomorrow we might be back under The Silence." Bucky snarled. "I'm doing it."

Bucky eyes seared into yours, even in the darkness of the car. He was grateful to finally be able to tell you everything, had hated keeping things from you, especially as he thought it would help you heal to know as much possible.

"Thor set Loki to spy on you under the extreme pressure of his father's advisors. It was one in particular that thought you were 'too perfect'. He thought you were a spy sent to infiltrate their society and learn their secrets. He only got worse after Loki vouched for you, insisting you had seduced Loki as well."

"Do you know his name?" you murmured. You were a little sick that Thor had bowed to such pressure but couldn't entirely blame him. Things between you had clicked so quickly; it had seemed just as crazy to you. Except you hadn't had some idiot yammering about conspiracies in your ear.

"Fritjof, " Bucky said, wondering why.

You dropped your head to his shoulder again and laughed. Human Mistress Guy. You knew how this story ended, but you never got tired of hearing it. "Go on," you prompted, chuckling.

Bucky's mouth twisted, but you'd reacted better than he'd expected. "It turns out, Fritjof only had any influence because of his wife. She found out he was getting some human strange and kicked his ass out. He lost all his status, so Thor doesn't have to deal with him anymore."

"I've met her," you said, a laugh around the edges of your voice, "Magnhild is as formidable as she sounds. My buddy Halvar is her nephew. He told me she's much happier now that he's gone."

Bucky started rubbing your back in soothing circles and it was so sweet it made you want to cry. Determinedly, you shook yourself out of it. "What else?" you demanded, a little pissed to realize you were sobering up.

"Thor and Jane aren't getting back together. Because of Stormbreaker, he can create an Einstein-Rosen bridge, the thing she studies. She was in New Asgard to ask for his help. He was going to talk to you about it, but…"

"We broke up and he didn't need to." You still couldn't help but feel resentment. Maybe it was the remnant of all the tequila, but you couldn't help but feel like they just wanted you out of the way. "So that's why they were at some science thing together; that's what you're telling me."

Bucky heard the petulance in your voice loud and clear. He smiled wryly. He couldn't blame you for feeling petty ire at the entire situation. He ran his hand affectionately over the top of your head and down your neck and spine. You softened at the sweetness in the gesture and snuggled into his chest, still needing the comfort. "Pretty much," he replied.

"Sweetheart, don't think he didn't care." His voice was a caress, and he went on despite Steve's frown. "Word is he's always surly and rude anymore. New Asgard is basically thunderstorm central all the time these days. Except Tuesdays."

"I want a fucking apology," you muttered, starting to get irate, "not the vague symbolism of a clear day."

Bucky laughed a little and squeezed you with that old friendly warmth that made him your party buddy in the first place, and you felt inexplicable tears prick the back of your eyelids. As some of the liquor wore off, but plenty remained behind, you fell into that place of drunkenness where you obsessed over things you'd done. Right now, you were starting to worry that your behavior tonight had been totally inappropriate. You were terrified that you'd misread everything in your intoxication and ruined two friendships you valued more than almost any other.

"No one knows why he hasn't talked to you, doll. That's actually the subject of a lot of debate behind your backs."

"Hey," Steve spoke up for the first time. "Be gentle," he scolded.

Your heart simply melted. Whatever happened, whatever you'd done, Steve would forgive you. He was too good a friend, too kind a man to hold it against you when you fell apart. You leaned out of Bucky's embrace to slide your arm around the front seat to hug him as best you could. You felt his big, warm hand come up to close around yours and when he squeezed with a gentleness that belied the strength there, you rested your head against the seat and fought back tears.

"Thank you," you whispered.

You felt Bucky's arms come around your waist and he rested his head against your side. "I'm sorry if I hurt you, sweetheart."

You lifted your hand to comb your fingers gently through his hair, making him purr and nuzzle into your middle. "You didn't hurt me," you answered softly. "Thor broke my heart." You had never said it so baldly, never admitted the full calamity that had befallen you. You were grieving, but you'd been repressing it, refusing to face it because it simply hurt too much.

Bucky's arms squeezed your waist just as Steve's hand squeezed yours and you felt the first touches of comfort, knowing you could count on these two to hold you when you needed it. You knew the three of you would need to talk, and soon, but for tonight it was enough to let them support you, just a little.

You felt tears falling down your face and realized you were crying softly, brokenly, but for the first time, the tears felt cleansing and cathartic. With a sigh, sagging against Bucky's embrace, you finally let go.

In New Asgard, the sun was still climbing to peak when Valkyrie placed herself in a chair in the informal dining room to watch a video she'd received in the early morning from Natasha. This particular chair was within hearing distance of the most often used route to the kitchens. Both of Odin's sons wandered to the kitchen of a mid-morning. If she didn't catch one, she'd catch the other.

She was betting on both.

Sometimes you had to use a little fish to catch a bigger one.

“Ugh, what is that noise?”

Valkyrie hid a smile at the sneering voice behind her. Loki was most certainly not a morning person, nor was he a fan of anything he deemed ‘too human’, which the thumping house music coming from her phone most definitely qualified. She knew the sound alone would be enough to draw his petty irritation, and thus his attention.

“None of your beeswax,” she replied dismissively, enjoying the turn of phrase she’d heard you use on Loki on multiple occasions. It never failed to hook him. She felt him come up behind her and moved the phone to hide the screen from his over-the-shoulder gaze.

Loki rolled his eyes but gave in to Valkyrie’s taunting because he’d caught a glimpse of you in the screen and wanted to know what you were up to. “You’ve been spending too much time with y/n.”

Valkyrie smirked as she watched you turn on Captain Rogers with a sultry smile. “I beg to differ." She appreciated the fidelity on the video as she could clearly see you taking the man's earlobe between your teeth. "Since I didn’t know she could do that with her tongue.”

Loki snatched the phone out of her hand with a scowl. “What!?” His lips twisted in irritation and, she thought, jealousy. Still, he looked pleased with himself as he dropped into the chair next to her to watch Bucky's hands grip Steve's over your swiveling hips. “I knew it.”

Valkyrie gave him a darkly amused look, her full lips curving in a taunting smile. “You’re just mad they beat you to it," she retorted as she took the phone back, then leaned over to show him the slideshow of still shots Natasha had taken with a wicked grin.

“I am so," he replied as he lay his head against the back of the chair, shooting an appreciative smile back at her. He'd heard his brother coming and figured out what she was doing. He always enjoyed deviousness, even when it wasn't his own.

“Beat him to what?” Thor grumbled, irritated to find Valkyrie and Loki grinning at one another so early in the day. It simply annoyed him that they seemed to have found some common ground. That he suspected you had something to do with it only angered him more.

"Nothing." Thor's eye narrowed when they spoke in unison, Valkyrie airy, Loki bored. He held his hand out for the phone, glaring his lieutenant down until she placed the device in his hand with a very similar smile she'd once worn when electrocuting him on Sakaar.

The moment he saw it was you, he understood why. The sight of your face, sultry and inviting, staring into another's eyes, was even more painful than the shock of those little discs. He'd been seduced in just such a way countless times. He had dozens of painful but cherished memories of your fist in his shirt, your eyes hot and enticing. He’d never once tried to resist. He couldn’t imagine the other man, whomever he was, would bother to try, either.

When his gaze flicked to the man, wondering who had taken his place, the sight of his friend's lover, his grinning face a breath from yours, shook him to his soul. He didn’t understand, so his eyes scanned the rest of the photo, his stomach sick and sinking until he saw your other arm around another’s neck, your legs around his waist, his hands digging into your hips.

Natasha had perfectly captured the moment when Steve’s body curved towards yours in the most provocative way, when he was closest to giving in to the temptation you had posed. The scene was erotic to near pornographic. No one who saw it could conclude you were sleeping alone at that moment.

The phone fell from Thor’s numb fingers as he turned and walked toward the door, flickers of blue-white light chasing up his legs and down his arms, his eyes starting to glow. The thunderclouds that almost never cleared anymore grew even more violent, the wind screaming and the rain pouring as the god leapt into the sky with a cry of anguished rage.

Loki smirked. “Was that the reaction you were hoping for?”

Valkyrie leaned forward to snag her bottle off the table in front of them, lifting it to her lips with a considering frown. “I’m not sure.”

“I could have told you,” Loki smiled darkly, “he likes and respects that one, considers him a friend.”

“Dammit,” she muttered, wondering what Natasha was up to, as she had to know that.

Her eyebrow lifted when she saw Natasha’s name on the phone she hadn’t bothered to pick up from where Thor had dropped it on the carpet next to her. With a weary sigh she leaned out of her chair and scooped it up.

“I think that picture might have worked too well,” she said in lieu of greeting but at the other woman’s urgent demand Valkyrie sobered quickly.

At Valkyrie’s sudden glare in his direction, Loki raised a mocking eyebrow. “The fuck did you do to y/n?” she hissed.

“Well, that’s a fucking problem, Natasha!” Valkyrie stood up to pace, agitation in every step, damaging Loki’s sanguine attitude. He leaned forward with a small frown marring his forehead as she went on in a rush. “Because thanks to that picture Thor literally stormed off and he’s the only one allowed to take Loki beyond our borders!”

Loki stood, menace in every dark line of his well-dressed, lithe body. “What?” The word was a snarl, and for the first time, Valkyrie truly believed he cared for you. The thought sent a shiver down her spine. Loki was unpredictable under the best of circumstances; she knew him to be his most dangerous when his heart was engaged.

Once the three of you were back at the compound, you were sober enough to feel nothing but shame at your behavior with Bucky and Steve. You pled sickness and tried to escape to your room, claiming you just wanted to sleep. You were so obviously miserable, Steve couldn't push.

Before he let you go into your rooms by yourself, Steve offered to keep you company for as long as you needed, but you firmly refused, desperately wanting to be alone to wallow and brood. He took you gently in his arms, the warm comfort of which made you want to cry again. He curled around you, murmuring in your ear, "You have nothing to be embarrassed about, sweetheart." His voice was an aching sigh as he went on. "If this is something you want to discuss when you're sober, both Bucky and I are interested." When you pulled back to lift shocked eyes to Steve's and saw the heat there, an agreeable shiver ran over your skin. Your heart trembled a little when he smiled softly. "But if you'd rather, we can also pretend we never said or did any of this."

With that, he let you go to allow Bucky to turn you into his arms. Whereas Steve had squeezed you gently, in comfort, Bucky squeezed playfully, and with a fair bit of lust. He pulled you in with a roguish smile and purred, "I don't think 'interested' does it justice, doll, but it's all up to you. Nothing changes unless you want it to." He pulled back, cupping your face in his hands, and very gently laid a kiss on your lips, a kiss almost chaste if not for the banked, scorching heat behind his eyes.

The moment broke when he grinned, winked, and squeezed your face in his hands with the same affection he'd always shown you. In your half-inebriated state, your heart ached in its shattered state. You wished with all your might you had it in you to take them up on it, but you knew you weren't strong enough to take on either man on his own, let alone both. They were so easy to love; you knew you'd fall for both at the slightest provocation.

You glared down at your bed as you hefted the combat axe you'd taken from one of the armories and relived the moment before Steve and Bucky left you to ostensibly go to bed. Instead, you'd raided your stash of liquor and proceeded to chase your earlier intoxication. You had new feelings that needed to be numbed. You couldn't be expected to deal with all of this.

You hated this goddamn bed. You found yourself sleeping in Wakanda more and more simply because this bed was the one you most often shared with Thor. The bed in Manhattan had to go, as well, but at least Wakanda was free of his ghost. Every night you tried to sleep here, you ended up fighting tears until, exhausted, you finally fell asleep. Tonight, with the help of Glenlivet straight from the bottle, you were going to put an end to the fucking thing.

"Ms. Y/L/N, perhaps you shouldn't be wielding a weapon under these circumstances," FRIDAY spoke calmly.

"FRIDAY," you replied, only slurring a little, "I authorize Stark Industries to take any damages out of my salary. Otherwise, mind your own business." Because of the nature of your work, you had an extremely high clearance for giving FRIDAY orders. She minded her own business but continued to monitor your physical state in case you injured yourself and needed assistance. She noted that Ms. Romanoff was currently awake and not otherwise occupied beyond reading in bed.

You weren't ready yet. You weren't angry enough to destroy the bed. You needed to wallow in it, to feel it, and hopefully finally be done with it. You turned out of the bedroom and into the living area. Any time Thor had visited you, he'd stayed with you instead of in his own quarters, and so he'd left his ghost everywhere.

You lifted the bottle to your lips as you scanned the living area. It was a shame, but most of the furniture was going to have to be destroyed. You and Thor had spent too many hours on that couch, talking, kissing, making love. Even better, you'd spent time doing your own things, simply enjoying the presence of the other's company. Tears filling your eyes, you set your bottle on the floor and lifted the axe with a sob.

Bringing the spiked side down into the upholstery, you dragged it through the fabric until the stuffing started spilling out. With a cry you swung it around and smashed it into the coffee table, the memory of him making love to you there too many times to bear its presence another moment.

The mirror on the wall where he'd wrapped his arms around your waist and asked how a mortal could be so beautiful. The whisper that he'd known goddesses that couldn't hold a candle to you had made you feel like even if you were completely out of your league, it didn't really matter. The only person that mattered thought you more beautiful than a goddess. It was astonishing and magnificent; you hadn't wanted to question it.

With a bitter snarl, you turned back to the bedroom. The living room in shambles, you were more than angry enough now. You started ripping and chopping into the bedframe and mattress with all the vicious rage and bitterness that came from repeatedly swallowing the bile of betrayal.

You were sobbing even as you ran over it all in your head. You didn't understand, because though there had always been an undercurrent of deception in your dealings with Loki, that was to be expected and so you'd thought nothing of it. But Thor had done nothing, said nothing to make you think for a moment that there might be something he wasn't telling you. He hadn't only broken your heart; he'd made you question your own judgement.

The pain and doubt were too much to bear as you sat in the middle of your destroyed bedroom, splintered wood, memory foam, shredded fabric, and goose down from the comforter scattered together everywhere. You downed the last of the scotch in your bottle and cried at the emptiness. You threw it across the room, but your arms were noodles from the effort you had expended. Only Natasha's habit of getting you up in the early morning to train, in her attempt to make you feel better, had allowed you to pull this off. You had no strength left so it merely landed on the carpet and rolled into the dark box Loki had given you and you'd hidden under the bed where you wouldn't have to look at it and wonder.

You crawled blearily over to the box, thinking about the coldness of the bottle, the way it had started to numb your fingers simply holding it. You wanted to be cold, to be numb. You didn't want to feel anymore. When you reached the box, you took it carefully into your hands and sat back, running your fingers over the symbols carved into its lovely obsidian surface.

"Moon," you murmured, your finger running over the leaves and vines that made the curling path through the crescent on the side, light following your touch, "mountains," scribble along the edge, "path through the valley," snaking curves to a deep 'u' shape, "snowflake" fractal 'v' shapes into a spiral, "sun." The lid slid out with a slight whisper of sound that nonetheless sounded like a scream in the silence of your room.

As you lifted the little bottle from its black silk nest, the shiver of cold that leapt from the glass-like material into your fingertips shot up your arms and up your neck, lifting the hair there. You knew you were being unbelievably reckless, even considering this while in your current state.

But part of you, the petty, angry part of you that wanted revenge, wanted a chance to bury him in the same pain and regret he'd poured onto you. If you had a few thousand years, you just might get that chance. Another, tiny part of you, one you repeatedly attempted to stomp into oblivion because you hated the pathetic thing, missed Thor like you'd lost part of yourself. You had been completely, wholeheartedly, and unreservedly in love with him. His betrayal had cut to the very heart of you because you'd had no shield, had not guarded yourself against it, or him.

Still, that little voice cried out. If he came to you, apologized, gave you the explanation you'd already heard, that voice would rally for him, would try to persuade you to forgive him. Part of you would love him until you no longer existed. As you felt the cold seep into your bones, a calm came over you. Why shouldn't you love him for as long as possible? Maybe all you needed was time.

You snatched up the box and took both it and the bottle into your little personal kitchen. You pulled down a shot glass and poured out a capful of the potion into it. You replaced the bottle in its box and hid the box in your bookshelf, one of the few things that had survived the tantrum.

You sat at one of the stools that lined the counter separating your little kitchen from the living room. You laid your arms on the counter in front of you, placing your chin on the back of your hands so you could examine the free bird seed. Your mind swam and circled, thinking about life, youth, health extended so far. What could you accomplish in so much time? How many places could you see? How much you could learn? How many people could you meet? How much life could you live if you had that much time?

The thought was staggering.

You stared down the steaming liquid in the Gryffindor shot glass with the same suspicious look you reserved for Loki when you knew he was up to something. You appreciated the irony of getting manipulated into doing something stupid by a Slytherin. A brief moment of clarity interrupted the drunken snicker.

"FRIDAY?" you called out the question because you weren't sure she was paying attention after you told her to mind her own business.

"Yes, Ms. Y/L/N," she answered immediately.

"I'm about to do something that's probably insanely stupid," you slurred, certain that you were doing the right thing but not really remembering how you'd talked yourself into it. "If it turns into a shitshow, will you let someone know right away?"

"Of course, miss," FRIDAY replied, her voice amused. Tony had a way with AI.

"And tell whoever you notify to get Loki," you finished as you picked up the glass, and without another thought, tossed back the contents with an insouciant flair.

As soon as the liquid hit your tongue, you felt the cold start to slide down your throat and through your body. With a last gasp as you fell to the floor, you whispered, the understanding coming too late to save you, "Oh, of course, you fuck." You heard, dimly, an alarm start somewhere but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care anymore.

At last, with a sigh of relief, you relaxed; you were finally numb.

Part Ten: Chione here

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